#Especially the ones who were forced to read Wilde for university or whatever or refer to him as an icon but don't know much about him

[the-busy-ghost]

Ok so I’ve avoided most middle names in my cataloguing but I’m manfully resisting the temptation to list Oscar Wilde with the full set

[pars-ley]

Little Blue

Pairing: Jungkook x Female reader

Summary: A wild party ends with traumatic events for your best friend but as the night continues you realise just how much your support has always meant to him.

Genre: One-shot / Triggering topics / Friends to Lovers!au / College!au / Smut / Angst / Fluff 

Trigger warnings: Drug use (spiked drink but not with roofies) / Sexual assault / Attempted rape (no actual rape) / Violence (someone gets punched)

Warnings: Unprotected sex (you know the deal, wrap it up) / Finger foreplay / Ever so slight female cum play / cumshot (pearl necklace) / Language

Word Count: 5.5k

Notes: This was a request I had serious anxiety about and wasn’t sure whether to do or not but after some careful consideration, I decided to take a serious route with it and use it to bring awareness of these situations, the repercussions and the aftermath. I wanted to highlight how these topics (that happen everyday all over the world) can be, not just for male victims but all victims. That they are serious and wrong, no matter who the affected party are and that it is the victims choice how they deal with it after these types of horrible events transpire. Please do you not read if you think you will be affected by any of the warnings.

Here are some links for anyone who has been affected by the type of events that are written about in this story:

http://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/  https://rapecrisis.org.uk/ https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/ https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence https://www.survivorsuk.org/ Most of these are English links but they have a lot of helpful information in them. The last link is specifically for male victims.

Beta read by @unoriginal-username15432​ Thank you so much for all your help and confidence boosting when I came to you an absolute wreck, you’re amazing. Thank you to @ditttiii​ @moccahobi​ @sugarly-laysa​ @joheun-saram​ for reading and giving me feedback and encouragement to do this right. Your help and support means the world to me 😘

You watch as Veronica slips a little blue tablet into a drink, looking on as it fizzes wildly in a spiral, inside the see-through glass. 

I had no idea she was a pill popper. That would explain a lot.

Staring after her as she carries two drinks into the living room, beyond my view, swaying her hips confidently with a smug grin stretched across her full mouth. At least, you hoped the pill was for her.

Which poor, unsuspecting soul would be her victim?

You would have to keep two watchful eyes on her tonight, as much as the thought pained you of having her not only in your sights but in your mind, it was necessary to hinder whatever evil she was plotting today.

Hating Veronica was easy. Avoiding her was not. Not only was she an unremarkably, average student at your university, she also seemed to be at every party. That stumped you however, as you had yet to meet a single person who genuinely liked her.

Her personality consisted of bullying, harassment and being the worst spoilt princess. She always got what she wanted, one way or another and she enjoyed making other people suffer in the process.

"Hey, y/n?" Hoseok’s voice calls out, lighting up your dark thoughts. He has that ability, like a gift from the sun itself. Turning and raising an eyebrow in expectation at his question.

"Have you seen Jungkook?" He asks, closing the distance between you, bringing his sunshine smile and almost blinding you with it.

Shaking your head, you reply, "No, not for a while actually." That was unlike him, usually, your best friend was glued to your hip, you were inseparable, especially at parties like this. 

"We're betting which one of us will be the first to get laid tonight, we want him in on it." He babbles excitedly and with that he enveloped the sun with a dark cloud, as you’re reminded how clichéd horny, young adults can be.

Rolling your eyes, you down your drink, wincing at the burn as the fiery liquid cascades down your throat. You welcome the numbness that follows and it makes you forget the things you should be doing. The idea of Jungkook hooking up with anyone, now overtaking your gin hazed brain, turning your insides into snakes as they churn relentlessly in the pit of your stomach. 

"I can't find him anywhere. He didn't leave, did he?" He shrugs, continuing his alcohol induced thoughts when you don’t respond.

Swallowing the snakes down, keeping your secret down along with them. "I don’t think so, I'll go see if I can find him."

Hoseok nods. "Thanks." He said as he heads off with a grin, taking the sunshine and leaving you dulled by the implication of his words.

You survey the living room, only his face in your mind as you frantically scan the crowd.

With no sign of him, you head out and away from the noise that feels like a ruthless power tool, ramming itself repeatedly into your brain.

You climb the stairs, each step causing your anxiety to grow as a thousand images of what you might find race through your mind. Even when you blink, you can still see them behind your closed eyes, like a projector flickering a private tortuous movie just for you.

Checking the upstairs bathroom, you find a girl draped over the toilet, her head in the bowl, heaving the contents of her liquid stomach and unleashing it with force. Quickly closing the door, for your sake and hers, you continue onto the other rooms. 

Please, don’t let me find him in any of these rooms with another girl. Please, don’t let my dreams and wild fantasies evaporate instantly before my eyes.

You pray to yourself as you scan the empty rooms filled with darkness and focus on the ones with closed doors and invisible ‘no entry’ signs.

Muffling an apology to a couple entwined in the sheets and with each other, a mess of limbs and moans as you quickly retreat and continue on. Unease sitting in the pit of your stomach, growing with each move  you make forward, with one less room to check.  

It’s not until you hear muffled talking in one of the end rooms, the pit turns into a volcano, threatening to erupt. You listen at the door, hoping it wouldn’t be Jungkook’s voice you heard whispering through the grainy, wooden barrier between you. 

Your hopes were dashed, when you hear him cry out, “No, let me go!” You would recognise the sound of him in distress anywhere. Your body alights like a beacon at the sound of his anguish.

Flinging open the door you freeze, unable to move, unable to do anything except stare at the sight of him on top of a girl, her legs slither and wrap themselves tightly around his waist. 

The serpent of temptation. Who was Eden’s evil mistress?

Though the two of them were fully clothed, it didn’t cease to stop your heart from shattering into tiny fragments before the scene and send them darting into the concealed female beneath him. Your eyes burning a hole into her face, covered with her long, dark hair. When she blows it away you feel like all the air in your lungs has been driven out by a ghostly fist. 

She’s not supposed to be up here, she’s supposed to be downstairs where I was surveying her. Fuck. Veronica.

Veronica. Little did you know, her unfortunate victim, or poor, unsuspecting soul, as you deemed to refer to him earlier, was none other than Jungkook. Your Jungkook.

Confusion furrows your brow. 

He hates her, he hates her as much as you do, so why on earth would he be…

“Come on Kookie, you clearly want me. I can feel your dick, it’s hard as rock.” She whines at him, her tongue hissing sin into his ear with every word. The sound of her poisonous voice makes your blood run hot in your veins.

“What I want is for you to let me go.” He pleads with her, attempting to pull his body away from her but to no avail.

You watch, rooted to the spot. Confusion muddling your mind. 

The little blue pill.

Suddenly, it all makes sense and it’s now laughable at how blindingly obvious the answer is. 

“No. I want you.” She says hard and firm, her hands snaking under his hoodie, touching his bare skin with her scaly fingers, travelling down to his crotch.

“I don’t want you.” He retorts, through gritted teeth, struggling from the vice grip of her iron clamped calves and halting her hand before it can go further.

“Whats going on?” You hear a hoarse, wavering voice interject. When both their eyes land on you, you realise the words must have escaped your mouth.

Jungkook’s eyes pop when they see you, a deer caught in headlights. Panic stares back at you, alarmed and frantic.

Veronica's legs fall open onto the bed,  immediately releasing him from his cage.

He jumps up and over to you, faster than you thought possible, unless it was you who was moving in slow motion. "Y/n, it's not what you think…" He insists, arm on yours, face in your eye-line. Does he think that will stop your angry glare reaching her?  

"What I think…" You spit through gritted teeth, as you stalk around the bed. “Is that she’s trying to take advantage of you.”

“Then yes, it’s exactly what you think.” Jungkook says quietly, somewhere behind you. Your eyes are too full of red rage to notice if he’s even still in the room.

She slides herself off the edge of the bed, her bored expression doesn’t fool you. The fact she stands to square up to you, shows you foiled her plan of getting him to bite into that bittersweet fruit.

“This doesn’t concern you, y/n.” She growls, her hands balled up into fists either side of her taut body.

“Did you drug him?” 

You wait, watching her reaction. The way her eyes widen for a moment, clearly not expecting your question. The way she no longer meets your eyes with her glare, she can hardly look at you at all, and that’s all you need, to know you’re right. 

“W-what?” She stutters, attempting to pick herself back up after faltering.

“You heard me. Did you give Jungkook the drink with the pill in?” You take one last step towards her, your limbs tense and still like stone. Every muscle in your body coiled tight and ready to spring, hands shaking with rage at your sides. 

You were so close, her rapidly increased breathing fanned your face, the scent of vodka strong enough to make your eyes water.

Tensing her jaw as she grinds her teeth, her eyes narrowing in disgust at you. 

At me!?

“He’s not your boyfriend! And it was just Viagra, jeez! One little blue, that’s all. Why don’t you mind your own business!” She shouts, face red with anger as she shoves you hard on the shoulder. 

You steel yourself, so you were ready for the impact,with feet planted firmly into the carpet.

Better luck next time, bitch.

You reel forward, lunging at her, all your power driving your fist into her face. Knuckles smashing into her cheek, hard, as a loud thud echoes across the room. She falls backwards, landing against the bedside cabinet. 

Strong arms suddenly encase you, pulling you away.

“Y/n.” Jungkook gasps into your ear but you can hardly hear him through the pounding of blood in your ears, as anger threatens to overtake you completely.

“Drugging someone and trying to force them to have sex with you is attempted rape! You sick bitch.” You scream at her, violently fighting the arms that hold you, furious tears spilling out of your eyes and leaving wet trails down your cheeks in their wake.

“Let’s go, please y/n. I want to go.” He begs. Even though the temptation to pound her face into the ground is almost all consuming, you listen to Jungkook and let him guide you away. 

It’s not about me, it’s about him. He’s my priority, not her. 

You wipe your damp eyes with your shirt sleeve as you leave the room, hand entwined with his, as he leads you away, down the stairs and out of the house. Not a second glance to anyone. 

Once outside in the cool, crisp air you can feel your head start to clear, your fury dies down into fierce concern for your friend. 

“Hey, you ok?” You squeeze his hand.

He nods, looking mournfully at the ground. “I’m sorry y/n, I didn’t mean to ruin the party.”

Your heels stop in their tracks as you tug on his arm and spin him to face you. Cupping his cheek and forcing him to meet your gaze, “It’s a dumb party, they’ll be plenty of others. You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s her who should be sorry.” You practically growl. 

The corners of his mouth pull up in a slight smile. “Thank you for sticking up for me...and for being there for me, always.”

You squeeze his hand again and continue walking. “You want to stay at mine tonight?”

He nods, eyes back on the ground. 

You both walk along in silence for a few moments. He rubs roughly at his face and asks, “How did you know she drugged me?”

“I saw her slip a pill into a drink. She disappeared and I was looking for you, I put two and two together once I found you.” You look over at his solemn expression. “What happened?”

“She bought me over a drink, it was uncharacteristic but I thought maybe she was just trying to be nice. She left me to it, so I drank it. I started to feel...something, so I went upstairs into the bedroom and she burst in. She straddled me and pushed me onto the bed but when I rolled over to get up, she pinned me with her legs.” He scratches the back of his neck as you head up the stone steps in your apartment building. “I didn’t know what to do, I wanted her off me but I didn’t want to get physical and hurt her. It was kind of scary.”

Your heart felt heavy with empathy for him, like a rock slowly sinking down into the pit of your stomach, but with it rose the anger in your belly. 

If you didn’t hate Veronica with burning passion before, you certainly did now. 

She will pay for this. I will destroy her reputation and make her life hell, for Jungkook.

She should be arrested and rot in a cell, but it is not your place to do it. 

Besides, if you knew anything about Jungkook, you had a feeling he just wanted to move on and forget about it. You, however, could hold a grudge for a millennium.

You unlock your front door and head into the kitchen, relief of being back in your apartment floods you and flows like waves through your limbs.  

Jungkook heads off to the living room. 

As you boil the kettle, tea being the cure for every possible mood or trauma in your family, you peek out at him.

Where you usually find his muscular branches draped all over your couch, quite content, today was a different story. He sat awkwardly looking out the window, knee’s shaking and hands constantly wiping down his thighs, palms rubbing against the rough material. 

Once they’re done, you place the two steaming mugs of tea on the coffee table and join him on the sofa. Wrapping your arms around his waist and leaning your cheek against his shoulder, this wasn’t an unusual action between the two of you but today... he flinched under your touch. 

Gently, he removes your hands and slid himself to the opposite end, grabbing a pillow and cradling it in his lap. His eyes fixed onto your woven rug, as if it held all the answers he was searching for.

Although you tried not to let it get to you, you couldn’t completely ignore the pain in your chest from his rejection. Even if you wholly understood why. 

He’s been through something major tonight and he was bound to be feeling a mixture of emotions right now, it still hurt not to be able to comfort him like you yearned to.

“Y/n,” His quiet voice whispers into the silence. Cheeks flushed, knuckles white from his grip on the pillow, as he leans forward, burning a hole into your floor. You angle your body towards him and wait.

“How long...until...the pill...wears off?” He asks so quietly, you have to strain towards him to hear.

Heat inflames your cheeks as you’re hit with the realisation that Jungkook is sitting, at arm's length away from you, with a very solid erection.

You instantly clamp your thighs shut to try and halter the intense throbbing in between your legs. Your core ablaze with liquid heat, as you try to push the image out of your mind, now was, absolutely, not the time. “Um, I’m not sure.” 

He looks up at you, with eyes so intense they bore right into you, every thought you’ve had, every secret laid bare and for a moment you want to tell him, you want to tell him what you desire more than anything. But you break the stare and find yourself closing off once again.

“Why don’t we do something to take your mind off it?” You ask, not sure if your question was for his benefit or yours. “I could put on a film? Or we could play some video games?”

“Video games sound good.” 

You rush over to the playstation, grabbing two controllers and bringing the console to life with the tap of a button. 

Letting out your drawn-in breath, relieved to have something to distract you both from the penis in the room, you use this time of setting  up the game to calm your racing heart and try to extinguish the unwanted thoughts that have come to life in your mind. The what if’s and maybe’s are not a road you should be exploring, not if you wanted to keep Jungkook in your life.

Your turn to hand him a controller but as you do, your foot catches on the edge of the rug and you feel yourself falling forward, grabbing anywhere that you can to stop yourself from smashing face first into your hardwood floor.

You manage to grip onto something; his hoodie, whilst his hand, thankfully, finds your elbow and steady's you. 

Straightening yourself up and being only inches away from jungkook, you find yourself lost in a daydream of what might be. His scent swirled everywhere, fresh like the outdoors, as if you were standing in a meadow with the green breeze caressing your face and encircling you in a floral cage.

Your eyes roam up to his face. When his tongue shot out, wetting his mouth, you couldn’t help but pull in your bottom lip and pinch it between your teeth. All your blood raced down to your core, igniting a heat there that had you breathing hard. No, now is not the time to make your confession.

When your eyes finally met his, you were taken aback by the fever in them, as you stared deeper into his ebony pools, you could almost feel yourself drowning in desire.

He reaches up to your cheek and gently trails his fingertip down, stroking your moist lips. You let out a whimper, unable to hold it in, but still trying to keep your feelings enclosed in the prison you built for them long ago.

“Jungkook, I—”

His lips are on yours, smothering your important words down into a pit of lust but as your tongue dances hungrily with his, it’s not your words that feel important anymore. 

His strong hands are on your back, pulling you to him, warmth from his touch searing through your clothes but you want more, need more. 

You grab his top and pull him even closer, your wild mouths a clash of tongue and teeth. His solid erection pressed against your lower stomach is enough to make your core throb with violent need.

Is this right? Considering recent traumatic events, this felt wrong. This is not what this moment was supposed to feel like.

He pulls away, leaving you gasping for air and clarity. “Y/n, tell me if you don’t want this. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, I’ll understand.”

He searches your face vehemently, looking for the source of your hesitation.

“I do, I really do but are you sure you want to do this?” I press. “I want to be here for you, with everything that’s happened, I just want to make sure you’re ok?” You insist.

He meets your eyes again, pleading with you. “I want you, y/n. I need you. I don’t want to think about what happened tonight anymore. I’m ok, honestly.” He smiles at you, the sight pulls on your heart and has it doing wild somersaults in your chest. “I want this.” He brings his forehead to yours, the moment so gentle you wanted to hold him close and never let go.

You hesitantly lift your mouth to his; wondering and worrying that you’ve fallen asleep at Hoseok’s house party and all this will be a dream. His moist lips meet yours in a frenzy and as your core ignites like dynamite, slowly, you start to return his hunger. Easing yourself against him, you loosen into the kiss, your concern gradually falls away along with the walls you spent years building to hide your devotion for him.

His hands wrap around you, pulling you closer still. You break the kiss once again to lift his t-shirt off, over his head in one fluid movement, desperate to see and feel underneath. You run your hand over the smooth planes of his chest and the bumpy muscles down his stomach, moaning in sheer appreciation. 

Finally, you can show him what he means to you and how he makes you feel inside.

Your hands find their way to his belt, yanking the leather open and whipping it out of his belt loops, making a loud crack echo through the room. 

His eyes gawk widely at you, surprise glittered in them. His chest moving fast from his rapid breaths, as he closes the slight distance between you and fumbles with the top button on your shirt, giving up quickly and wrenching the material apart, buttons flying and tapping as they scatter the floor all around. 

His hands are on your breasts, massaging, tugging them out of your bra, cool air hitting them, making your nipples pucker into hard buds. He unclasps your bra with one hand, yanking it off aggressively.

“God, y/n.” He lets out a tortured whine. Before his mouth is around your nipple and all you can feel is warm and wet slowly sucking pleasure out of you. 

The noises that escape your lips shock even you. 

His hands run up the length at the back of your thighs, your feet coming out from under you as he carries you to the bedroom, with your legs wrapping tightly around his waist. 

Your hands finger through his silky hair, lips on his face, throat, whatever skin they can find.

Your back finds the bed as he climbs on top, towering over you, and all you can see is Jungkook. He glows like the large moon on an inky night, finding you and giving you some semblance of relief from the relentless darkness.

You're at the button of his trousers, popping it open and pushing them down his strong thighs with your feet. 

He gives you a lingering kiss that then trails quickly past your bare chest and down your stomach. 

Pushing your skater skirt up so it fans out across your ribs, he hooks a finger under the hem of your pale, pink panties and looks up at you with a questioning gaze. All you can do is eagerly nod your head in response, giving him permission.

He slowly peels away the lace that covers you, when the air hits you can feel just how wet you are, a coolness spreading across your exposed folds.  

This is it, everything I've fantasised about during lonely nights with wandering fingers or meaningless hookups with nameless men, picturing his face and his hands instead.

He moans, biting his lip as he stares at your most intimate area with insatiable hunger. 

His fingers sliding their way from your entryway to your swollen bud, the moment he touches it your body jolts with delight.

His digits slide into you before you have a chance to catch your breath, beckoning inside you, stroking the rough spot that sends shudders of pleasure throughout your body.

He sucks in a sharp breath with a hiss. “You’re so fucking wet, y/n.” He groans, jutting his hips against the bed. “I need you, so bad.”

He withdraws his fingers, making you feel empty and even more needy. Your body alight with electric lust and your heart aching with unspoken love.

What if this ruins everything? What if he’s only using me, in his current situation?...Honestly, do I really care? 

You didn’t. Not in this moment, watching him lick your arousal off his digits as he pulls out his generous erection. The tip pink and angry, begging to be touched and glistening with precum. 

He was your living fantasy and he was perfectly acting out every scene you’d created in your mind. 

You grip his big shoulders, fingernails making crescent moons in his skin, and pull him down onto you. Your legs wind around him, pushing him to line up to your slick entrance as his eyes boar hungrily into yours. 

He seems to hesitate for a moment, his stare searching for an answer to an unasked question but you don't want to think about regrets or repercussions right now. 

“You ok?” You ask, breathless. 

He nods, “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Using your feet against the top of his thighs, you push him into you, answering with actions instead of words.

He moves slow, allowing both of you to savour the feeling. Bolts of pleasure shooting through you, like lightning illuminating the night sky. 

Your walls stretching over him is truly euphoric, a moment you have waited years for, as he slides deep into you, reaching everywhere possible.

"Oh my god." He exclaims when he's leveled in you. "Fuck, you feel incredible."

His words cause a shiver of added need through you, your hips start rocking and rotating under him on their own, you’re blind with lust, heat encasing every part of your body. 

All you can smell, feel, think is him. He is your undoing and you're more than ready to be undone. 

He groans loudly as you writhe under him, encouraging him to move, pleading with him to move.

He slowly retracts his hips, anticipation causing you to quiver before plunging deep and hard, tearing a gasp from your throat with each thrust.

“Holy shit, Jungkook!” 

He smirks at you. The sight is enough to make you clench around him, causing him to jolt and groan, biting his lip so hard you think he might draw blood. 

He moves onto his knees, tilting your pelvis higher and as he glides back into you, he reaches new places, new depths, new pleasures. 

His thumb finds his way to your sensitive button as he massages it with your slick arousal. 

Your body is on fire, his touch igniting a trail behind him.

You can feel yourself nearing the edge, torn between being eager to jump off into the precipice but not wanting the journey to end yet. 

“I want you to make you cum.” He whispers, as his punishing rhythm on your swollen bud builds the pressure deep down inside you.

The sounds coming from your mouth don’t sound like they belong to you, they’re desperate, needy sounds, full of bliss and torture at once.

He bucks into you, hitting that sweet spot with each forceful thrust, your legs trembling around him as you gasp for air. Incoherent words escorted by his name, stumble off your lips as he incessantly thrums on your clit.

“Cum for me.” He whispers again, his eyes watching your face with fascination. 

At his words, your body jolts and back arches as your orgasm ripples through you, sending waves of pleasure cascading around your nerves. 

Every fibre of your being alight with electric thrill. 

Your loud moans echo, filling your bedroom, as you grind against his rock hard dick while your walls clench tightly around him.

“Shit, y/n!” He exclaims, as he abruptly withdraws from you and spurts his warm, liquid lust across your stomach while his fist gently milks him. 

Your pulsating core eases, replaced with tingling satisfaction as you try to even out your rapid breaths. 

He collapses on the bed beside you, pants mimicking yours.

But as you come down from your high,  floating back to earth and reality, a rock lands in the pit of your stomach. 

You just had sex with your best friend. Your best friend, who you have been in love with since you were kids, unbeknown to him.

What the fuck do I do now? Where do we go from here? 

A wave of nausea washes over you as your mind is filled with an all consuming dread. 

As a million thoughts race through your crowded mind on how to try and save your friendship, he brings over a flannel and starts gently wiping his orgasm off of you, being so attentive you want to cry.

All the years of holding in your feelings and unspoken words, the love for him blooming inside you like a flowery meadow in spring, now threatens to overflow and spill out revealing you.

When he returns, climbing back onto the bed, he angles himself to the side and props himself up on his elbow, facing you. 

His fingertips skate across your stomach, tracing small circles and sending goosebumps shivering along your skin.

You look up at his perfect face, innocent eyes meeting yours and you’re overwhelmed by how much you just want to protect him and keep him safe from anything that hurts him.

You put your arms around him, hugging him tightly, as if that will be enough to fix it all.

I wish.

"I won’t ever let anything happen to you again.” You say against his chest.

His fingers come up, stroking your hair softly. “I know, thank you, for being there for me. I will always protect you too, you know that.”

You feel him kiss the top of your head and sigh. “Y/n, about what just happened.

Oh no, here it comes. I have to do something, I have to protect myself from what he’s about to say.

"Kook, listen," You cut him off, before he could tell you what you were dreading to hear; that it was a mistake, a momentary lapse in judgement, a friend helping out another friend. 

If you hear those words, you don't think you could hold back the emotion that's currently pricking at your eyes. 

I need to take control of this situation. Hopefully, I can salvage some part of this friendship.

You take a deep breath, preparing the words, when his finger on your lips catches you off guard. 

"How about you listen," he raises an eyebrow, challenging you. When you close your mouth, he continues, "I have waited for this moment for a long time, so however you're about to shoot me down, could it wait until tomorrow? So I can at least enjoy this feeling of pretending what might have been." 

There's a sadness in his eyes as he speaks, a pleading in them. 

His words run over and over in your mind, while you try to reason with yourself that he can't possibly feel the way you think.

Surely, he can't mean he has feelings for me? I can't afford to give myself hope with that thought.

You swallow it down, along with any words that were fighting to come up. 

You watch his hand, his fingertips tickling faint lines up to your chest, making your nipples pucker in response, they finally come to rest against your lips, tracing the edges.

"Can I kiss you?" He asks, "One last time." 

Last!? It can't be the last time, we've only just started. 

It can't be the last time I'll ever get to feel his soft lips against mine. 

I can't go back to pretending not to want more, not to care, not to love him so much it kills me inside. Like a poisonous ivy plant squeezing my lungs and capturing my heart, I've had a taste of what it's like to live and breath free of that, with vibrant tiger flowers blooming in place of it and I don't want to stop feeling this way.

You find yourself leaning up and crushing your lips to his. 

He's frozen with surprise for a moment, before his hands wind around your waist, scooping you up and pressing onto you, bodies almost one.

His lips trail down your neck.

"Jungkook?"

"Hmm." He moans into your throat, the vibration making you shudder.

"I don't want it to be the last time." You hear the words escaping your mouth, as if you're watching from the outside and no longer in control of yourself.

His head snaps up, doe-eyed and mouth shaped in a little o. "You don't?" 

You shake your head. "Not at all."

He beams at you, taking your face in his hands and touching his lips to yours so passionately, it brings all your emotion flying to the surface. 

"God, y/n, I am so in love with you, I have been for years." he smiles against your lips and you can't help but mirror it in response. "Please, put me out of my misery and tell me you feel the same."

You can feel his hands shaking against your face and suddenly feel incredibly stupid for not realising his feelings sooner.

Who would have thought? Not me, clearly.

"I do. I definitely do." You pull him behind the neck, bringing him down to you, so close not even a sheet of paper could get between your skins. 

As you kiss, tongues dancing wildly together, hot and hungry for each other. 

His body weighing down on you, making you crazy with desire again.

"I want you." You say between kisses.

"You can have me as much as you want, I'm yours." He says, leaning his sweaty forehead against yours. "Besides, that pill hasn't worn off yet."

Arousal shoots down to your core like a bullet at his words. 

You push him, flipping him over and straddling his muscular body. "Well, lets see what we can do to take care of that."

As you lean down to kiss him once again, knowing that...he's mine. And I'm his.

[crispyapplepies]

AkuRoku Defense pt 2

Axel and Roxas’s ship has had one of the most bizarre fandom journey’s i have ever come to witness. It has gone from being one of the most popular ships maybe ever, to being dead cancelled over a supposed age gap and I find that completely unfair, especially when it speaks to so many innocent people who emotionally depend on the ship, (yes innocent includes the spicy people because art literally is not a crime). So its time to defend it.

Brief Review on Nobodies vs Aging

First of all, l already explained in part 1 what the Nobodies Don’t Age thing means but I’ll go over it again briefly, since it can be confusing, though also many people seem to demand their hands be held rather than use their imaginations to understand. Even so, here’s the short version just for a review:

-A person in KH is made of a heart, body, and soul.

-The body reflects the heart in KH. (See: replica bodies taking on the appearance of the heart that’s inside them). 

-A nobody lacks a heart, making them just a body and soul. They’re advanced zombies of sorts.

Nobodies do not age because they have no heart for the body to reflect. This is why they won’t change until they form one. Change includes age

-Ergo, you can imagine any age you like for Axel to be nobodied, cuz he was frozen at that age and did not change for 10 years. Not until he met Roxas. 

We’ll come back to this again later.

Axel Loves Roxas Canonically

Second of all, Axel loves Roxas and you are allowed to interpret that as platonic, familial, or romantic, I don’t care as long as you’re not forcing that idea on others like the ship police. That said, people are allowed to explore how romantic this love potentially is. 

And what you might like to know is that the canon is even open to this. Axel’s love for Roxas is canonically expressed, and if you would like, you can even interpret that love as romantic. See below:

We are going to look at the japanese translation because AS ALWAYS good old SENA is here for the straights and erases the gay, like clockwork. 

In English, Axel says this:

Axel: I wanted to see Roxas. He...was the only one I liked... He made me feel...like I had a heart. It's kind of...funny... You make me feel...the same...

Axel’s line here in Japanese:

Axel: I wanted to see Roxas... I loved him. Being with him... it made me feel like I had a heart. I feel it from you, too... the same kind of....

You may notice that as romantic as the line “he made me feel like I had a heart” sounds, the original can be read as wAY gooier, specifically cuz of this word:

好き: "suki"

Now here’s the thing. Japanese is a pretty vague language which is why context is so important for these things, as well as what you say, and what you don’t say. 

“Suki” is a very key word here because it is often used in romantic confession scenes.

(I have no idea what this panel is from, I apologize lol) 

It CAN mean something casual, like “I love video games”, but considering Axel is saying this with his dying breath, I don’t think we should be treating it as some hyperbole. He is referring to a person and it is meaningful. However. It is still a word with plausible deniability. Japanese has several words for love, “ai” for example being one of the most inarguable means of referring to romantic love. So choosing “suki” still leaves room for the homophobes to disregard it as something not romantic. Which makes it objectively inconclusive. Here is the thing though… they specifically chose that word, suki, a word which IS so often used in a romantic context in many anime and manga. 

They also chose to use that word rather than something objectively platonic. Which means you also cannot conclude Axel did NOT mean it romantically. Given his devotion to Roxas, and the fact that they chose this word of all words for him to say… I’m personally going to assume it’s romantic. You are free not to interpret it that way. But I am because I am considering the fact that they did not choose something strictly platonic. 

(My translator friend actually freaked out when I showed her this, she’s translated and seen enough confession scenes to know what connotations that particular word comes with lol). 

If you’ve read my queer coding doc, you may recall I also go over how this is one of the most important tricks with queer coding. You write something that CAN be viewed as queer but with plausible deniability for straight people to ignore it. It’s a means of protecting oneself and the text from homophobic oppression. It is a legitimate practice. So even though it can be denied as a queer text, it can also very very well be viewed as a definite queer text. We are choosing to queer it here. It is not as explicit as it could be, but it is still very bold, suggestive coding considering the homophobic world we live in, and especially with KH2 being released in 2004. 

“But Age Gap!” (ughhhhh)

We’re back to this cuz I also finally have the Japanese version of that infamous page in the Day’s novel to look at.  

I hope you’ll forgive me if I get a little bit salty but I don’t like to repeat myself lol so I’m gonna try to keep this section short and to the point.

In this interview with Nomura, he expresses that nobodies do not age, and they exist as they were at the time of becoming a nobody. He then suggests Xemnas seems 30 ish.

Now I truly do not care to hold your hand through the process of thinking creatively because you should be using your own imagination, if you have one, to think critically and creatively about what this idea means.

Kingdom Hearts is a FANTASY game. Nobodies are a FANTASY concept. They can break ALL the rules about real life that you want them to. But I will go ahead and explain this for you even though I’ve already done it many times, in this very document even and in other meta posts.

The body reflects the heart. Nobodies are frozen as they are from the moment they are “born”, which is to say the moment they are created. Glorified zombies. They aren’t going to age unless they form a heart. Why does Xemnas look 30? He has a heart! Or he was formed 10 years after TerraNort defected. You tell me. Why did Ienzo age? I dunno, you tell me! Either he formed a heart and didn’t know it, (he’s passionate about his work, he loves Ansem the Wise, any number of things could’ve made him form a new heart), or he was nobodied later in life. Axel is frozen at whatever age he was when he was nobodied, all the while Ienzo could’ve been nobodied 10 years later. It’s a fantasy, and these are fantasy rules. That scenario can happen. YOU decide. Until the canon tells us for sure, your imaginations can run wild with explanations. Even if the canon does tell us, you can still imagine whatever you want for your own headcanons. Freedom is amazing, it’s salty and sweet. 

Now let’s talk about that annoying page in the Days novel people keep shoving in my face.

This one right here. The official english translation is this:

That’s not the worst translation I’ve seen them put out there. But let’s look closer at the Japanese:

 Here, Axel says he thinks Roxas is about 10 years separate from himself, but things like age don't exist for nobodies.

Already that’s making a lot more sense to me for nobodies since we are told nobodies do not age. As such Axel speaking like he is 10 years older would feels almost contradictory when he has no heart and cannot change. 

This wording is important. Recall me saying that Japanese is very vague so all of the context matters. No one is denying that 10 years passed between Birth By Sleep and Axel meeting Roxas. However. Nobodies don’t age.

(please dont make me explain that a third time in this essay alone)

The Japanese and English both express that age does not apply to nobodies, (as discussed above^^^^) and the Japanese furthers this with its wording. They have 10 years of separation between Axel being nobodied, and Roxas existing.  

Axel saying in English that Roxas is simply 10 years younger than himself is rather misleading considering the ambiguity of the original. I can’t fault the translators too much for not understanding this nobody concept so well because it is obviously confusing. However, I do not think Axel was saying Roxas is literally, in real life human somebody terms, 10 literal physical years younger than him. He is expressing that he became a nobody 10 years ago whereas this guy became a nobody very recently, and it shows with how little he can even function right now. A zombie who has been wandering around with no heart for 10 years meets a fresh zombie wandering around with no heart for 1 day. 

I know antis are gonna use it against us no matter what, but at least know that akuroku is not inherently pedophilia nor is it inherently an adult/minor ship.

In many of our headcanons, Axel was frozen at age 18 or 19, with Roxas being 16. Absolutely no one is required to view them with a big age gap because imagination is free and you literally have no right to police it, but also because the canon expresses these nobodies as beings outside of the realm of age. They do not operate under real life rules or somebody rules. Think of Steven Universe where Rose was thousands of years old but only “grew up” as a person when she fell in love with Greg, a human in his 20s-30s who asked her to consider other people’s feelings. Consider the mind of a nobody as a state of Neverland. You aren’t gonna age unless you step out of it and change. Mature. Isn’t it sad that Axel did not feel like he had a heart until Roxas? No wonder people ship it!

Coding is Obvious

Finally I wanna conclude on a simple thought. This interview right here? I’d be curious what the original Japanese actually says lol but the english translation of it says that romantic akuroku was not Nomura’s intent. 

Here’s the thing though. If you know anything about queer coding, you know that using romantic coding between 2 male characters is signaling something. It is not something you should ignore. It would not be there if the characters were meant to be viewed as objectively straight. And for something “unintentional”... there sure is a lot of coding at work here.

From Axel pinning Roxas down and asking him to come home in a very sexually suggestive pose,

to watching the sunset in sheer bliss together just enjoying the peace of reunion,

to watching the sunset together while talking about what LOVE is, specifICALLY romantic love,

To this. And I already told you what this was in Japanese.

I’m not saying Nomura lied…

But I am saying that a whole staff worked together to create these games, and it is very difficult for me to believe that no one thought to say “these characters appear to be romantic, let us change the scene to be more platonic” if the characters were not meant to be romantically suggestive. 

Tl;Dr I wanna live in the timeline where people let you ship akuroku lol

[bazypitchandsimonsnow]

Mages Don’t Meddle

Rating: M

Genre: Angst/Mild Fluff

Word count: 16091

Summary: In a world where magic users must fear each other, Baz Pitch, a British born hex hiding in the 19th century American southwest, is just trying to stay alive. But when he meets a fellow British hex, his world is turned upside down in the most awful, amazing ways possible. PLEASE READ FIRST AUTHOR'S NOTE!!!!

Read on AO3

AN: Alright some of you may know that my favourite book series of all time is The Hexslinger Series by Gemma Files. It’s a gory but brilliant horror/dark fantasy weird western trilogy about gay cowboy wizards fighting Aztec gods. (It's also where my AO3 username comes from). I've been writing this AU on and off for like two years now lol. So when I saw this event, I saw it as motivation to finally finish it. And I did! Idk how many people are gonna like this, considering the obscurity of the books. The mythos is a bit complicated so here are the basic rules of the Hexslinger world:

1. Magic users exist, called "hexes" or "hexslingers” by most English speakers. They’re commonly known of and feared by some humans because of their immense, usually unstable power. Their magic is usually called "hexation" and a common descriptor for anything to do with them is "hexacious." Being a hex can either be passed down from parent to child or appears randomly. Most are children of a hex man and a human woman as pregnancy for a hex woman can be very risky to mother and child, but it's still possible.

2. Hexes aren’t usually born having magic. Their powers manifest at some point later in their lives except in very rare circumstances. For women it usually appears after their first period, while for men it’s usually after some sort of grievous bodily harm, e.g getting hanged or beaten. Before manifestation, some hexes show no sign of magic at all, while others have hints like perfect aim or weirdly good luck. It depends on the person and their power level.

3. Hex magic varies between people based on personality, culture, family history, and power level/type. For example, an experienced Chinese born hex with refined power will have a very different kind of magic than a newly manifested American born hex with more chaotic power. (That’s literally just from the original books lol.) Even hexes similar in multiple aspects can be completely different in the way their magic is expressed.

4. The only universal trait between hexes is that they all have the urge to feed off each other’s magic. They’re like magic vampires (wink wink). If they get too close to each other, they have the immediate urge to absorb the other's power and kill them. It’s completely instinctual and very hard to resist. Hence why hexes can’t be around each other. Or, to use the common phrase from the universe, “mages don’t meddle.”Okay that's the basics. There's A LOT of other stuff but I think that's all you need to know for this fic imo.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: So there's some period typical racism scattered around due Baz being brown in the 19th century American south. It's not too harsh imo but I still want to warn people. I hope I handled it alright, considering I'm a white af Canadian Irish-Jew, but if I didn't I'm very sorry. There's also a bit of period typical homophobia at the start. The closest I get to slurs is the use of "red" and "Indian" in reference to Indigenous people, "queer" in a negative context, references to sand because Baz says he's Egyptian, and Baz being called "darker folk." I felt it would be disingenuous to not include bigotry of the past and pretend things would be all okay for a queer POC like Baz. Especially since Hexslinger itself has major themes of homophobia, racism, and not being accepted in the majority of society. A few mentions of suicide, self harm, and torture too in relation to hex powers emerging too, which is also major in Hexslinger. The series itself is pretty brutal and dirty with lots of bigotry, blood, guts, and death. So those elements have gotten in here. There is some flesh burning stuff but I don't think it's that graphic, feels pretty typical for Carry On imo. Hopefully this all works well/makes sense.

As always, big thanks to Raegan of @carryonmylovelies Now with that all out of the way, enjoy!

———————————————

I gingerly take a sip of my whiskey. It's a horrible rotgut shite, but there’s worse stuff out in the wild west. This Slipfoot Joe’s seems to be okay by my now very, very low standards for this area.

“Well well, if it ain’t a pretty red boy,” the man behind me croons. His voice makes evey inch of my skin crawl.

I let out a deep sigh. I’ve been expecting this, but I’m still not pleased. “Piss off, arsehole.”

“Oh! Didn’t know Indians could sound English!”

“I’m British Egyptian, you twit.”

The man leans on the bar, smiling wide. It’s easier to count the few teeth he has than guess how many he’s lost. “What brings your sandy ass to our great country?”

The Call. The unending Call that signals all of us to come here.

I take another long sip. “Your gorgeous face, obviously. How much do you charge? I’ve heard American men are cheaper here than in England.”

The man reels back scowling. “You think I’m some queer?!”

“Well, I assumed so. Considering you were just flirting with me, a man.”

He snarls, whipping out his pathetic little pistol. The barrel shakes nonstop. “You got some nerve, boy!”

I finish the whiskey and delicately place the glass rim first on the filthy bar. “And you’re a racist bastard. You don’t see me getting all pissy.”

The gunshot happens in slow motion for me. I don’t even need to turn. I simply hold one hand in front of me and let my magic pour from me like a dragon’s breath. It curls out in front of me, a circle of blacks and charcoal greys and burning scarlets. Every hex’s magic is different. Mine is like a constant roaring fire, always threatening to consume me.

The bullet hits the shield with a tinny clink. Racist Man is frozen with wide, terrified eyes. I turn to him, orange and red reflecting in my grey eyes.

“You- You’re... a hex?!” He splutters.

“Thought that was pretty bloody obvious. Now go, before I drink your blood.”

Racist Man and his buddy scamper out of the tavern. I let the force field dissipate, crackling and popping in the air like a dying campfire. Joe, the bartender and eponymous Slipfoot, sighs as he cleans another glass.

“You know,” Joe says, “I’ve met other hexes. They’re stupid reckless assholes but they ain’t ever drank blood. Just suck each other’s magic.”

I chuckle. “Well they don’t know that, do they?”

“No, lucky for you. What’s a Brit like you even doin’ here anyway?”

My mouth presses into a thin line. I envy him. He can't hear The Call from that damned Hex City. I heard it all the way in Washington, and before I knew it I was on a train southeast. The only reason I haven’t actually gone to the horrid place is sheer stubbornness.

“I’m a hex. Where else would I be going?”

Joe freezes. He stares at me with more concern than fear. “I’d be careful, son. Those hexes I met? One of them was Reverend Rook himself. He’s beyond bad news, ‘specially with that heathen goddess by his side.”

“I know.” I trace my finger on the old wood, trying to focus on that instead of the ringing in my head. “But what choice do I have?”

———————————————

1867, two years after America’s bloody civil war, and it seems they’re about to be plunged into a new one. Except it won’t be slavery versus abolition this time, but humans versus magic. 

The news has spread like wildfire. In the final days of the war, a confederate soldier and unofficial chaplain named “Reverend” Asher Rook was sentenced to hang for abandoning his regiment. But he survived, and the suffering of the ordeal caused his hex powers to emerge. Rumour has it one Bible verse from his lips can level an entire town. Rook decided to use his new powers to steal and murder his way through the west, aided by his ruthless gunslinging lieutenant (and rumoured lover) Chess Pargeter.

He should’ve been just another hex outlaw for those American Pinkertons to take down. But somehow, a mere month ago, Rook made a pact with an Aztec goddess. And together they’ve created New Azteclan, or Hex City to the common man. According to the magical homing signal I hear, that every hex hears, it’s a place where hexes can lose their insatiable urge to feed off each other’s magic. We’ll no longer have to be loners by nature, picked off one by one by humanity. We could be together. We could be safe.

But at what cost? Nothing in life comes without a cost. I know that too well. My magic cost me my home, my family, and a good part of my sanity. I’d do anything to not be a danger to others anymore. And the possibility is right there. All I need to do is go further south and cross the border into Mexico to reach Hex City. But once I do that, there’s no going back. The temptation of the Call will be too strong. And whatever price The Reverend wants, he’ll get it from me.

I sit at the fire, chewing on some absolutely horrific jerky. I’m trying to focus on the flames instead of the voice in my head. I’m not sure whose it is. Maybe Rook’s, maybe his witch goddess’. It doesn’t have a discernible tone, just sort of an indistinct everyman sound, or a thousand voices speaking the same thing. Either way, it’s very annoying.

Come, it whispers. Come seek out Ixchel, the Mother of Hanged Men. Come stand before Her priest-king, to offer up your service. Come to build the First City of the Sixth World- the world of wonder, the world of power. Come, and join New Azteclan.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up!” I shout into emptiness, slamming the side of my head with my fist.

“I haven’t said anything yet,” someone replies weakly.

I bolt up. My magic roars to life inside me, a fireball forming in the palm of my hand. “Who said that?!”

The man slowly steps out of the darkness. He must be no older than myself, with his young, round freckled face. He has curly bronze hair, capped by an old second hand cowboy hat. His brown leather coat, plaid shirt, riding boots, and jeans are all filthy with desert dirt. A horse with saddle bags stands behind him. His blue eyes are wide and nervous. I notice a smell on him. Like green fire and smoke, with a strong scent of something brown and sweet. He smells like something I would gladly eat.

He’s a hex.

“Don’t you dare come any closer, you prick,” I say between gritted teeth. “I won’t hesitate to burn you to a crisp.”

The other boy shakes his head. “I’m not here to drain you. I...I just wanted to ask for some help.” He sounds British like me, but more rough and nervous, stumbling over his words.

“Yeah, right. Do I look that gullible? ‘Mages don’t meddle.’ We’d all drain each other dry if we were given the chance.”

He sighs heavily. “Well, of course I want to by instinct, but I’m not going to. I was just wondering if you had any food. All of mine got stolen by some angry humans.”

I consider just turning him away, or draining his magic and leaving his dried out corpse for the vultures. But he looks so desperate. How long has this young man been out here alone? My aunt had always warned me to be wary of all other hexes. We’re a bloodthirsty species, Basil. Never trust another hex, ever. Not even me. But I’m not my aunt.

I sit down again. “Fine. You can have some jerky. Just don’t come too close alright? I’d like to keep my magic and soul where they are, please.”

The man smiles (he has a nice smile) and sits opposite me at the fire. I throw a bag of jerky, and he catches in one hand. He shoves it in his mouth like a ravenous animal.

“So,” I say, “what’s your name?”

“Simon Snow,” he rep;ies, mouth still half full. “Your’s?”

“Baz Pitch.” Simon chuckles a bit, and I frown. “What’s so funny?

“Well, Baz Pitch is a pretty ridiculous name.”

“No more ridiculous than Simon Snow,” I snap. “What, were you named by circus performers?”

“Maybe. Not sure, actually.” Snow looks at the fire, but it feels like he’s looking right through it, his gaze very far away.

“Why’s that?”

Simon shakes his head. “Hey, are you going to Hex City?”

I huff, blowing some loose, dirty hair out of my eyes. I’m too tired to stop him from changing the subject. “I don’t know. Are you?

He shrugs. “Maybe. So far I am. The stories and Call do make it sound so wonderful.”

I scoff loudly. “Of course they do. Rook wants people to come. Then we’ll get there and be sacrificed to his bloodthirsty goddess. That’s probably what happened to Pargeter. No one’s heard from him lately, according to the locals.”

“But we’ll lose the hunger! What if the Reverend just wants us to be safe? Y’know, as a kindness to his own people.”

“No one does anything out of kindness, Snow. Least of all hexes.”

“You gave me food out of kindness, didn’t you?”

I glare at him over the flames. He shrugs with a faint smile. Fuck. He has a really nice smile.

 “I’m going to sleep,” I mutter. “But I’m putting a shield around me. Touch it and you’ll be burned alive. So don’t get any ideas about taking my magic.”

Simon throws his hands up in innocence. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

I lay down on my pallet, throwing up my force field. The crackle and hiss of magic around me distracts from the beautiful mage no more than seven feet from me. Whom I’m not sure I want to kiss or kill. Maybe both.

———————————————

I wake when the sun's centre in the sky. I’m breathing, so this Simon Snow hasn’t drained me dry. That’s good, I guess. 

I sit up bleary eyed. Snow is passed out on his own cot, drooling profusely with his mouth wide open (mouth breather). He’s put up his own shield, of course, (at least he’s somewhat sensible). It sort of looks like an electrical explosion, white bolts constantly combusting around him in bubble form. He smells so powerful. It’s taking all of my willpower to not hurt him. To not submit to my basic hex desires.

I take my sweet time to pack my things and douse the fire pit, secretly hoping Simon will wake up before I run out of excuses. Luckily, with a very loud snort, Snow bolts upwards. There’s terror in his eyes, and his breath is uneven and shallow. I know that look. I’m no stranger to nightmares myself.

“A good morning to you, Snow,” I say.

Simon lets out a long breath, waving a hand to dissolve his shield. “You didn’t kill me.”

“And you didn’t kill me. What a miracle.”

“I’ll say. Are you leaving?”

“Obviously.”

“Where to?”

I sigh heavily. “Well, my map says, there’s a town southeast from here. I haven’t been there before but it probably isn’t too bad. I was going to hide there for at least a bit.”

Simon picks at his nail beds, even though they’re already ragged and bloody. “Can I...can I come with you? I haven’t been around anyone in so long, y’know. It’d be nice to have someone to talk to”

I look at him with the most neutral gaze I can muster. “Are you going to kill me?”

He shrugs. “Haven’t killed you yet, have I?”

“There’s still time.”

Simon stands up, brushing the dust off his pants. “Alright, then I’ll make myself very clear. Baz, I’m not going to kill you. I’m not going to fight you at all, alright?”

I must admit that I’ve been lonely these few months in the desert. Hell, I’ve been lonely for the past few years. I’ve actually missed the company of others. But it’s not like humans or hexes want to be around me. Except for this one, it seems. Maybe this wouldn’t be too bad. If we don’t kill each other first that is.

“Alright, fine. Just don’t try anything or I’ll burn you from the inside out.”

Simon keeps smiling. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

We mount our horses and ride off. I try to keep my eyes ahead instead of on Snow.

———————————————

“I can’t believe the food here,” Snow says. “It’s so much more spicy than in the North.”

“We are closer to Mexico, Snow,” I reply. I’m trying to figure out our route, while also listening to Snow when he’s more than six feet away. The hunger is manageable from this distance. Mostly.

“Well, yeah, but it’s so insane! Why can’t the north people get some spice from here? It would make their chicken more tolerable. London street food was awful but at least it had some flavour!”

That makes me snort out a laugh no matter how much I try not to. Snow grins at me, and his face is literal sunshine. Why must he be so perfect? It’s not fair. “London street food? You mean fish and chips? Those aren’t half bad, if I’m remembering correctly.”

Snow’s tawny face gets a little pink. He rubs the back of his slightly sunburnt neck. “Y-Yeah, they weren’t too bad. Just...other stuff was terrible...”

“Like what?” It’s not late at night now. I’m less inclined to let his dodging go. Call me crazy, but I’d like to know about the man I’m travelling with.

“Um...” He looks down at his horse’s neck. “I-I lived on the London streets, literally, until I was old enough to work for room and board. Finding anyone who would house a hex though, that was a challenge.”

His laugh is tinny and hollow. My heart, or what dark horrible mass we hexes have in place of one, twists at the words. I wish I was surprised. His story is all too familiar.

“You don’t need to be ashamed,” I say firmly. “We all have our own rough pasts. It’s practically required for hexes, in my eyes.”

Snow doesn’t look up, but his (pretty) plain blue eyes flick over to me. “Really?”

I nod. “Yes, of course. Hexes are usually shunned and harmed. Finding one who hasn’t been in a dire situation is more rare.”

“Have you met a lot of hexes?”

“Some. Mostly, I’ve heard stories. Far too many are like your’s.”

“Is your’s?”

My grip on the reins is so tight my knuckles are going pale. Memories rush through my head no matter how much I want to stop them. The darkness, the pain, the fire, then the stench of burnt human flesh, all capped off by years of trying to survive on my own.

“Unfortunately, ye-”

“What the fuck?!”

Simon’s screech is ungodly in volume and tone. His horse lets out a similarly panicked bray. She bucks up, but can’t get very high with the red vines tangled around her legs.

“Oh fuck,” I hiss. I try to pull back my own horse, but his legs are similarly wrapped up. The vines circle up and around us. I kick and stamp them with all my might. The blood red flowers look like the gaping mouths of monsters.

“What the fuck are these things?!” Snow bellows. He tries to rear his horse back, but nearly throws himself backwards off his saddle instead. “Fucking shite!”

“Don’t do that, Snow, it won’t help!”

“Then what should I do?!” 

“Just stay still!”

Thankfully, Snow does as I say. Not thankfully, I’m not sure what to do. I know that human blood gets rid of the Weeds, but even if I count as human in this regard, you need a relatively large amount of it. So unless I want to pass out, I’ll need to think of something else. But what else can curb evil bloodthirsty Aztec plants?

“Baz!” Snow’s horse pancis the more the weeds wrap around her, which makes Snow panic in turn. He looks at me with desperate wide eyes. “Baz, do something!”

Oh, fuck it. I’ll solve this the way I solve my other problems.

I reach deep within myself, down to the flames that burn in what’s hopefully my soul, or at least what hexes have instead. I grab that power and let it out through my arm. Fire roars to life in the palm of my hand, and I unleash the full force of it on the Weeds. A tidal wave of blackened-red flames engulf the plants.

“Jesus Christ!” Simon shouts. The plants don’t burn per se, I’m not sure they even can. But they still shrink away from us. I keep pushing more magic out until they Weeds a good distance away. 

“Run,” I say, “now!”

Snow and I both wrench our horses 180 degrees and run like the wind. We ride fast and far with no destination, but we keep each other in sight. Only when my pulse is no longer hammering in my ears do I start to slow down. Snow follows, and eventually we stop near a large tree. All four of us are breathing hard.

“Bloody hell,” Snow says. “W-What the fuck were those?”

“Red Plague Weeds,” I reply, dismounting my horse. “They’ve been popping up all around here. No one knows where they come from, but we’re all pretty sure they have something to do with Rook and his witch goddess. Just like every other bizarre thing nowadays.”

“How come I haven’t seen them before in the towns?”

“Because the way to get rid of the Weeds permanently is blood, Snow.”

Snow’s eyes go wide with horror. “Blood? Any blood?”

I sadly shake my head. “No, only fresh human blood. I’ve heard a bowl full collected from the townsfolk is good enough. I don’t even know if hex blood counts. No one’s ever tried, as far as I know. We’re extremely lucky we got away.”

“So I gathered,” Snow sighs. “Now what? We’ve gone a good way backwards now, if I had to guess.”

“Agreed. We’ll have to try and move around the Weeds. If we’re lucky, the town will still be reachable.”

“No one has ever called hexes lucky.”

We both laugh a little. Sometimes laughter is the only way to deal with our horrible existences. I pull the waterskin out of my bag and take a deep, long drink. “Let’s stay here for a moment, though. That blast took a lot out of me.”

“Y-Yeah, that makes sense. Um, I’ll just...”

He turns his horse to the side, trotting away from me. My stomach drops out. Where’s he going? Am I going to be alone again? I’ve only been with Snow for one day. That’s nothing compared to the last two years I’ve been on my own. But now I can’t imagine going back to that crushing, never ending loneliness.

“Heading out, Snow?” I keep my tone neutral, holding back the desperate tremor that threatens to bleed out. “Suppose I’ll see you around, then.”

Snow whips his head around. If I were a more hopeful person, I’d say he looks even more panicked than when we were tangled in the Weeds. “W-What? No, I was just gonna go a little further away...”

“Do I smell that bad?” I probably do. Hygiene is not a priority in these parts.

“No! The opposite, actually...” Snow looks to the side, a little red on his face. “You used a lot of magic before. I can still smell some of it. I, uh, want to keep my promise...”

Oh. Right. I should count myself lucky that he didn’t drain me the minute we stopped. “Yes, yes, of course, makes perfect sense.”

“Unless...you want me to go...”

I gulp down the massive lump in my throat. “Do you want to go, Snow?”

Snow scratches his neck. He points his thumb to the side. “I’ll be waiting over there, until we’ve both cooled down. Alright?”

I would never admit how much relief that brings me. “Alright. We’ll set off again in an hour or so.”

“Okay.” Snow trots over to a good distance away. His brown, sweet smell still lingers in the air, but it fades just enough for me to rest properly. I sit back against the tree, drinking a good portion of my waterskin. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Snow doing the same. I try to not watch him. But it’s very, very hard.

———————————————

Nightfall hits before we reach the town. Snow can’t ride very fast, and I’m still more than a bit drained. So once again, I have to sit opposite the man who will most likely kill me soon.

He fidgets endlessly, picking at his nails and sleeve. It’s infuriating. He gnaws on the jerky like a crazed cat or something. I huff and shake my head. Snow looks up at me.

“What?” he says through a bite.

“Do you ever stop moving? We’ve been sitting here for over an hour and there hasn’t been a single moment of stillness from you.”

Snow snorts. “I don’t see how that affects you.”

“It’s annoying.”

He snorts again, but there’s a small smile now too. “Maybe this is the real reason hexes don’t interact. We're all arseholes.”

“That is hardly a hex thing, Snow. I’ve known humans and hexes alike that I can’t tolerate.”

“Am I one of them?

I hope my face doesn’t flush too hard. “You’re still here, aren’t you?”

He chuckles quietly and goes back to eating his jerky, with far less fidgeting this time thankfully. We sit in silence for a while. I keep sneaking looks at him, then tearing my gaze away every time. The firelight makes Snow’s tawny skin almost glow and his bronze hair sparkle gold. He’s a constellation of moles and freckles. He’s a gorgeous mess. Just looking at him, I can almost forget that we’re supposed to be enemies.

“What part of England are you from anyway?” Snow asks through a mouthful of dried out meat.

“Hampshire. Though if you asked the people here, they’d say I’m from Buckingham bloody Palace.”

Snow throws his head back laughing. It’s a ridiculous, wonderful sound. “Damn true! I’ve lived on the streets of London for the past ten years and an American asked me if I’m related to the bloody queen! They have no idea about accent differences. They think every Brit is royalty.”

I freeze. Snow’s laughs slowly subside. He must notice the utter panic in my eyes. “You lived on the streets of London for a decade? That long?”

He pulls in, curling his thin body in on itself. This Simon is a hex like me, a terrifying being filled with unimaginable power, yet right now, he looks so...small. “Well, not the whole time. It’s been on and off. I found some places to live for a bit but they never lasted. Thank God for magic. Or thank the Devil, if the humans are right about us.”

He chuckles nervously. I shift uncomfortably in my spot, trying to hide the way his laugh makes me face heat up even more. “I guess so. It’s taken care of me since-”

There’s a crack. It’s small, far off, almost indistinguishable from the regular sounds of the desert, but it’s there. My aunt always said I have the ears of a bat. I swing my head around.

“What is it?” Snow says.

“Hush! I think I heard something.”

Slowly, I stand up, crouched over with my fists clenched. My magic sizzles and sparks inside me, begging to be used. I see Snow stand too at the edge of my vision.

“Die hex scum!”

The man launches himself out of the darkness, jagged knife in hand. He knocks me flat down to the ground. All the breath is forced out of me as my back hits the sand.

“Fuck!” I wheeze.

I push at him with both arms, thankfully keeping my pretty face out of his slashing range. He writhes and struggles like a rabid wolf. His dirty crazed smile, missing most of his teeth, looms over me. I recognise him.

“You,” I growl. “Did you really follow me all the way here from Slipfoot’s, you pig?!”

“Die!” He says that like it means absolutely anything, like I haven’t heard it a hundred times before.

Racist Man has no technique. He just screeches and flails with his knife. Aunt Fiona’s words come to my mind immediately. “Every self respecting hex needs to know how to defend himself, Basil.” She said just before pinning me to the ground in one move. I hook my leg around his and flip him onto his back. He gasps and lets out a rattling cough. I hover over him, knee on his chest, pinning his knife hand to the ground.

“You don’t deserve to live, you sand demon.” He spits at me, splashing against my cheek. I flick it off with ease.

“Such an original opinion.” I feel the fire blazing in my gut, threatening to consume myself and everything around me. “I should scorch off all your skin.”

“Course you would. All you hexes, just filthy murderers. No wonder y’all are fleeing to Rook’s heathen paradise. Your kind don’t belong around civilized folks.”

I growl again. First he despises my skin colour, then he thinks he knows anything about hexation. This bastard, so stupid and ignorant. We’re only monsters because we have to be. Because men like him come at us with knives and guns and nooses. There’s no holding the fire back. My hand heats up around his wrist. He screeches as his skin sizzles under my fingers. He drops the knife, but I don't stop. All my rage pushes out through my hand and onto his increasingly scorched skin.

“Get off me!”

I turn to see Simon, struggling against another man. His fingers spark and sputter uselessly as he pounds against the guy with a hand around his throat.

“Better save your man over there,” Racist Man hisses.

I give him one last good death stare. I see him shiver just slightly. At least he has some good sense. “Run fast and far. If you come near us again, so help me God I’ll melt through your entire brain.”

The look of terror in his eyes is enough of an answer. I jump off him and run towards Snow.

“Oi! Off him, now!” I roar.

The other man turns to look at me. He has the same crazed look as his friend. “Or what, you piece of devil shit?!”

“Or this.”

I turn to the fire. With only one hand outstretched, my magic wraps around it, and pushes my power into the very core. The flames shoot nine feet upwards, illuminating the vast dark in blinding light. I turn back to the terrified human. With one swing of my arm, the pillar slams into him. He’s sent flying in a shower of flames and skids on the ground, tossing up a cloud of dustin his wake. I start to march towards him. But Snow throws up his arm to stop me.

“Let me,” he growls.

The tone of his voice stops me in my tracks. Simon stomps towards him, his entire hand now covered in tiny sparks like fireworks. His assaulter sits up, panting heavily.

“You better run now,” Snow says.

He sneers. “Don’t tell me-”

“GO!”

Snow’s magic explodes like a fucking bomb. It’s a bolt of violent and powerful energy that hits the assailant square in the chest. He flies back even farther. I stumble from the sheer force of it. The magic disperses as quickly as it appeared. Snow is panting, bronze curls still staticy with stray sparks. The human scrambles and runs away into the darkness.

We’re left there, breathing hard in the darkness, the embers of the now dead fire our only light. Simon tries to pull out the crackling electricity still clinging to his hair. It curls around his fingers and won’t dissipate no matter how much he shakes his hand out. Finally, I find my voice again.

“That was...”

“Awful?” Snow mumbles. “Yeah, I know. Half the time my magic doesn’t work, the other half it explodes. Pretty fucking annoying.”

I turn to look at him properly, still trying to dust off the little sparks. “No, it was incredible. I’ve never seen magic that powerful, or beautiful.”

Oh fuck, why did I say that? I’m going to explode myself any second. Simon freezes, then turns to me. His lovely plain eyes are soft. Half of his mouth pulls up into a smile. My pulse is pounding in my ears. “N-No one’s ever called it beautiful before. And...no one’s tried to save me either.”

He starts to reach out to me with his spark kissed digits. I see the little bolts pulling towards me like I’m a magnet. My own magic flares to surface, reaching back towards him. Tiny flames from my fingers curl around the lightning. And a part of me, that horrible instinctual part, desperately wants to grab his hand and add his beautiful, terrifying energy to my own until his body is nothing but an empty husk.

I take a large step away, hands behind my back. Simon does the same. His eyes are wide with terror now. We both know how close we came to giving into temptation.

“We should go to bed,” I mutter.

Snow nods furiously. I speed walk to my side of the dead fire. We both lay down and pull the blankets to our reddening ears. The only sound for ages is the desert wind whistling through the cacti. Until Snow decides to speak up again, God help me.

“Baz?”

“What, Snow?” I snap. I can’t talk to him anymore, it’s too damn painful.

“Have...Have you ever actually fully drained anyone?”

Oh. I wasn’t expecting that. The question hits me in my heart. All that comes to mind is my aunt’s face as I saw her for the first time in weeks. Her happiness turned to utter horror in seconds. The memory still aches deep inside me. I can almost feel that horrible hunger when I first manifested. I squeeze my eyes shut and take a deep breath. “No. But I’ve come close. You?”

Snow pauses too. I can hear his shaky breathing clearly. “I had a hex friend back in London. Penelope. She was really good at magic, like you, so she tried to help me. We could only see each other for an hour a day for safety’s sake, and it worked for awhile. But one time, my magic got so out of control that I came this close to draining her.” He makes a loud sniffing noise. I hate imagining the tears I know are rolling down his face. “She told me it wasn’t my fault but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to hurt her. Next day I got on a boat to America. That was almost a year ago. I’ve been alone ever since, and it’s awful.”

“Is that why you want to go to Hex City?”

“Yeah. I mean, I just want to be able to have some choice, you know? Not make choices because of this power I never asked for. Don’t you feel like that?”

I think about my mother, who lost her life because of what we are. Or my six weeks of torture by that madman. Or how I had to run away from my family in fear of what I’d accidentally do to them.

“Yes,” I whisper, closing my eyes, “all the damn time.”

———————————————

We ride leisurely under the blistering sun. The desert has melted into more of a hot, grassy plain. Surprisingly, the climate and terrain actually gets less tortuous the further south you go in this awful state. I’ve only gone this far south once before. The Call somehow gets even stronger here. It threatens to fill every nook and cranny of my brain, but I beat it back. No disgraced Confederate chaplain or Aztec witch woman gets to decide what I do.

Snow is mumbling to himself about it being too hot. My head is whirring with a terrible, awful idea, but it won’t go away. My eyes keep drifting towards his beautiful face, and my mind keeps thinking of his beautiful magic. I got only a taste of the endless, consuming feeling of it, and it was exhilarating. If only he could control it.

I groan. “Snow, stop your horse.”

He looks at me confused, but does as I say. “What is it?”

“Get off. I’m going to help you with your magic.”

His eyes bug out of his skull. “What?! Why?”

“Because as incredible as your magic can be, I’d rather not have you explode when you sleep ten feet away from me.” 

It’s a convincing lie. Honestly, I want him to be able to protect himself. I don’t know exactly how long it will take to get to the south, or what could happen before then. Simon might’ve been killed if I wasn’t there. And I don’t know how long I will be with him.

I swing off my horse and Snow follows. We walk out into the empty plateau. He shuffles his feet nervously, chewing at his nails.

“Stay here,” I say.

I walk out and place my old empty flask on a cactus (it’s rusting anyway). Snow looks at it confused. I gesture to the metal bottle, then put my hands behind my back. “Hit that with a blast but avoid the cactus.

“O-Okay...” I watch his throat as he gulps. God, I want to touch that throat, I want to touch everywhere. But I’ll kill him if I do. It makes me hate my magic even more.

Simon raises his hand and takes aim. Small sparks dance between his fingers. One by one, they begin to increase. A small ball of lightning collects in his palm. Snow curls his fingers in, but they seem to be struggling. The ball starts to grow larger and Snow clenches harder. With little to no warning, a lightning bolt shoots out and hits the side of the flask. A blackened mark is left in its wake, but that’s nothing compared to the cactus. A massive chunk has been blown out of the top. It’s charred remains lay strewn on the gras.

“Fuck,” he groans. “Sorry, I was losing control, I had to let it go. Would’ve been much worse if I didn’t.”

“That’s alright, Snow. You technically did hit the flask.”

Snow scoffs, running a hand through his beautiful, sweaty hair. “Sure, I guess...”

I pluck the flask from the half destroyed desert fauna. Another horrible idea is coming to my mind, and I just might be mad enough to do it. “Maybe you need a greater motivator for staying in control.”

“Huh?”

I place the flask on my hand and hold my arm out to the side. “Hit the flask, but not me.”

Snow goes wide eyed again and inhales sharply like he’s been kicked. “A-Are you serious?! You just saw what I did to that cactus, right?”

“Well, you’re going to have to be accurate, unless you want me to end up like said cactus”

He pulls at his curls anxiously. The tiniest of parks fly off the ends. “I don’t know, Baz. I don’t want to hurt you...”

I try to ignore my rapidly beating heart. It’s been so annoying this past week, trying to get what it can’t have. I just flash a smirk at him. “Well, I believe that you won’t. Care to prove me right?”

A red colour spreads across his face. Part of me hopes that’s not just the sun affecting his pale, freckled complexion. “Alright, I’ll try.”

He rubs his hands together. His skin simmers with magic once again. It smells intoxicatingly good. Snow holds his right hand out, palm flat. The electricity builds on the surface. He keeps his hand clenched, but the energy threatens to spill over his fingers. I resist the urge to run in as fast as I can. I didn’t lie, I do trust him. But living on my own for almost three years has given me quite the self preservation instinct.

Sweat prickles Snow’s brow. He uses his opposite arm to keep the other one steady. “C’mon, Simon,” I whisper. “You can do it.”

The jagged white bolt shoots from his skin, far less formless than the last one. It zigs and zags, but in the end hits the flask straight on. The bottle explodes in a shower of jagged metal. I throw up a makeshift shield just in time. When I look at Snow, he’s flat on his ass, panting hard.

“Holy shit,” he says.

“‘Holy shit’ is right,” I respond with a chuckle.

He looks at me with a wide grin. It shines brighter than the midday sun. “I did it! That’s the most controlled my magic has ever been! Thank you, Baz.”

I nod. “You’re welcome, Snow. My aunt always said danger is a great motivator to learn. Especially when it comes to magic.”

Snow lays down on the grass, panting hard. It seems he’s not going to get up any time soon. “Your aunt, was she the one that taught you about magic?”

I kick at a piece of rusted shrapnel, my back to the resting Snow. “Yes, before it manifested, obviously. She wanted me to be prepared just in case. Her whole side of the family has a history of magic. It only appears every few generations or so. We both drew the short ends of the bloodline straw I guess.”

“You’re lucky with that, y’know. I never had anyone to teach me properly. Penny tried, but we never got far enough to make a difference. When I first got magic, this guy called the Mage offered to help. But it turned out he just wanted to drain me. I killed him by accident when he tried. I really didn’t mean to hurt hum, but he wouldn’t stop...”

I turn to him. There’s far too much pain in his eyes. “You had every right to defend yourself. Don’t feel bad.”

He lifts his head up. His smile is sort of sad, but it’s still gorgeous. “Thanks, Baz.”

I smile back as best I can. “You’re most welcome, Snow.” I place my hands in my pockets, desperately clenching my fists in hopes to keep my emotions at bay. “Unfortunately, I’m out of flasks. But we do have an oversupply of fauna. Want to try and not destroy a cactus this time?”

“Okay.” Snow nods, breathing steadily. “Okay, I’ll try.”

Snow takes his stance across from another unfortunate cactus. I watch him and give advice, but slowly have to back away as Snow’s sweet scent permeates the air. I try not to imagine being close to Snow, not having to fear him, him not having to fear me. Oh, what a life that could be.

———————————————

After another week of dodging the Red Weed, we finally get to somewhere. Covent Gardens, a town I suppose is named after the London borough. It’s sizable enough to have a slightly good inn; as in none of the panels are falling off and the sign is missing only a single letter. That’s practically a palace in these parts. I walk in with gusto, making the shutters rattle, Simon following behind me with his head.

Everyone looks at us. I’m not sure how obvious our hexation is, but I suppose we look enough like trouble. Plus my skin tone isn’t an asset here. Or anywhere, honestly. So I sneer and most turned away.

“They’re afraid of us,” Simon mumbles.

“As they should be,” I reply deadpan. I go straight to the barkeep, a bulky white man with truly horrific mutton chops. “I need two rooms.”

The man crosses his unnaturally large arms. “We don’t serve... people like you.”

I grip the bar lip, nails digging into the half rotted wood. “Like me how? Hexes or brown people?”

He sneers at me. “Neither.”

The fire blazes in my eyes. Wood blackens under my skin. “Now listen here, you stupid bastard, you better rent us a room or-”

“Now, now, Basilton,” a familiar voice says, “no need to be so rude. I’m sure we can come to an agreement.”

“Hello, Nicodemus.”

Nico moves to stand next to me. His suit is cheap, the stitches fraying at the seams. He’s still got that sort of menacing look, but he looks tired too.

“Fancy seeing you here, Pitch. How’s your aunt?” He smiles, showing off his missing eye teeth. It makes me want to punch him in his stupid face.

“Why would you care, Petty? You’re the one who left her after everything she did for you.”

He hangs his head back with a groan. “Still defending your family’s honour, I see. Ain’t my fault I wanted to realise my full potential.”

“What, by getting your teeth pulled out so you could get magic? Even when my aunt warned you what a curse being a hex was? You’re still an arrogant idiot then.”

Nicodemus growls and grabs my wrist. His magic reaches out to clash with my own. It’s slick like oil, wrapping around my fire like a snake. But there’s a roughness to it. A sort of mangy, wild energy that I remember all too well from the hex duel with my aunt. Now, I can smell the acrid tang of it too. It leaves a sour taste in the back of my throat. I’m not surprised his magic is as disgusting as he is.

“Looks like you went through some shit too, Basilton,” he hisses. “You’ve got the same fire as dear old Fi. What, the guilt of letting your mum die finally get to you? Try to end it all? Too bad, you just became the monster she never wanted you to be instead.”

His power gnashes at mine, trying to rip it apart and eat it. But Nicodemus has made a fatal assumption; that he’s more powerful than me. I push back against him hard. The fire rushes through my every vein. I revel in the way Nico’s eyes go wide. My hand shoots up to his throat and I shove him down so hard his back bends against the wooden bar.

“You bastard,” I growl. “After all these years you still don’t know how to keep your bloody mouth shut.” I hold his throat even tighter. His eyes bug out of his skull. “Maybe I should shut it permanently.”

I open the gates within, and his magic begins to pour into me. It’s the world’s greatest adrenaline rush. I’m invincible, powerful, a bloody god. Nico gasps and tries to push me away. But I’m still stronger. He could never stop me.

“Baz!” Snow shouts. “Stop it!”

I turn to him with burning eyes. Everything I see is cloudy, like a smoke screen or rippling water. “Why?!”

“Because,” his voice is desperate, and maybe even caring, “we shouldn’t be the monsters they think we are. Just look at them, Baz!”

I still have enough sense to hear what he says. The patrons cower in fear, eyes wide with terror as they look at me. It’s not an expression anyone wants to be subjected to, or cause. And though I hate him, Nicodemus is right. My mother never wanted me to be this. Another terrible, murderous, evil hex.

With all my strength and good sense, I find the will to let Nicodemus’ neck go. His power rushes back into him with a sputtering gasp. I glare at him as I pull away, fingers still trailing with flames.

“Leave,” I say flatly. “Now.”

Nicodemus runs faster than I’ve ever seen a man run before. I take a few deep breaths. It takes a moment for my magic to balance out. It still yearns for Nicodemus’ power, but I beat it back into submission. I won’t let the hunger control me. Then I walk towards the now terrified barkeep.

“Rooms still not available?” He shakes his head frantically. “Good.” I slap down some American money. “Two rooms, please. Also throw in some whiskey. I need a drink after all that.”

The man picks two keys out of a box, then a bottle and glasses from the shelf. He shoves them both forward on the bar and takes two large steps back. I snatch them up with a tip of my ridiculous cowboy hat.

“Cheers, mate.”

Snow and I take a table in a corner. No one dares to look at us. I pour drinks for both of us and shove his glass to the other side of the table. We’re as far apart as we can be but it’s still risky. My power is still hungry. And Simon still smells delicious. But I won’t hurt him. I can’t.

“So,” Simon says, vowel drawn out, “who was that?”

I throw back the whiskey. It’s sour and burns my throat, but it's better than Slipfoot’s at least. “His name is Nicodemus Petty. He and my aunt Fiona were friends growing up. They bonded over their mutual family history of hexation. But when my aunt and his sister, Ebb, manifested magic as teenagers, Nico was jealous. Fiona and Ebb both tried to tell him that hex magic was far more of a curse than a blessing, but he never listened. He wanted the power. When I was about nine, he finally succeeded in activating his own latent magic.”

“By having two of his teeth ripped out...”

“Mhm. First thing he did was stumble all bloody mouthed to my aunt’s flat.” I clench the glass so hard I nearly break it. “The bastard attacked her by surprise, and tried to steal her magic. He almost killed her, but Fiona got a lucky shot and threw him out the window.” I take a deep breath, trying to stay calm. “As you can guess, I was there. It wasn’t pretty.”

“I can imagine.” He pulls in, picking at his nails nervously. “Um, if you don’t mind me asking...w-what was he talking about? With your mum?”

I pour myself another helpful shot of whiskey. I want to drown my brain in the stuff, honestly. I’ve never talked about my mum, it’s too painful, like ripping out a fingernail. But Snow has shown so much of himself to me. It seems unfair to hide. “My aunt and I aren’t the only hexes in our family.”

His eyes go wide as the revelation hits him, “Your mum is a hex too?”

I nod slowly, then drink the alcohol in one gulp. The warmth tingles in my veins and loosens my tongue. I stare at the glass, watching the light refract through it’s bends. “She was, but my father is human. They loved each other enough to not be scared, I guess. They never meant to have children. I was an accident, but my mother wanted me in spite of the risks. My father said she cried with happiness when she saw I was a boy. She thought if she kept me safe, I’d never become a full hex.” I flick a paint chip off the table with more force than necessary. “Then she died protecting me, doing what she promised.”

“How? Was it another hex?”

“Even worse, scared humans.” 

Snow’s face falls even more. He takes a long sip from his own drink. “So they tried to kill her?”

“They tried to kill all of us. Someone heard of my mother’s hexation, and they rallied a group together to fight our family. It wasn’t a real fight though. The cowards snuck in and tried to stab us. My mother killed almost all of them quickly” My fists clench so tight it hurts. “The last one nearly got me, but my mother stepped in front. He burned to ash just after he stabbed her through the throat.”

“Oh. Not even a hex could come back from that kind of wound...”

“I know,” I say between gritted teeth. “I know that very well, Snow.” I delicately place the glass down with a strained hand. “I...I tried to stop the bleeding but there was nothing I could do. I had no magic then. Even so, I doubt my powers could’ve helped.” A little flame pops up in my hand with barely a thought. Making fire is more natural than breathing for me, after all. I watch the scarlet snake dance between my fingers. “My family’s abilities have always been better at destruction.”

Simon takes another long sip, polishing off his drink. “I don’t know what my family’s like, but I hope they’re not like me. This power...it’s too much for anyone to have. I’d give it up in a heartbeat.”

“We all would, Snow. That’s what the humans don’t get. Most hexes are just as scared of themselves as humans are.” I pour my third drink. It’s been awhile since I’ve drank so much in one sitting, but if I’m going to get sozzled, tonight is a good time. “But that’s not up to us. We’re born like this. Nothing we can do but try to survive.”

“Believe me, I know that. All I’ve ever done is survive. In the orphanage, on the streets, here in America.” He lets out a small, sad laugh. “Hexation is how I ended up on the street, actually.” Snow looks directly down at the table. “When I was 11, I, uh, had a dream that I was exploding. When I woke up, the entire orphanage had been blown to pieces. Luckily no one was hurt, but the matron couldn’t very well keep a hex among other children.”

“So she thought sending you to roam among other humans was safer?”

He shrugs. “I don’t think she cared as long as I was far away from her.”

I scoff, swinging the glass between two fingers. “Sounds about usual for humans. What made you manifest? A particularly bad paddling from the matron?”

Snow chews on his bottom lip. His fingers drum the wood slowly. “I, uh, actually didn’t have to suffer. I’m one of those rare cases of sudden manifestation, apparently. That’s what Penny called it anyway. She said it was rare but possible.”

My grip on the glass gets even tighter. A sudden jealous rage consumes my mind. So Snow just exploded one day at eleven. That’s awful, of course, I’ll never deny that. But all I can think of is the coffin. The endless night of being trapped in that box, waiting for a relief that wouldn’t come, until I finally broke and became the last thing I ever wanted to be. I went through absolute hell. Of course I assumed Snow had to, like all other male hexes. But he didn’t. He’s never had the acute kind of torture I did. It’s not fair.

“Excuse me,” I say more harshly than I mean to, “I’m tired. I think I’ll turn in.”

Snow’s pretty plain eyes go wide. “O-Oh...okay. Good night, then.”

“Night.” I snatch the bottle up and leave the key for his room. Then I stomp up the stairs with irrational anger still burning me up. I know it’s stupid, but I can’t get past it. Male hexes get their magic through suffering. It’s a well known fact. How could Snow be like me without the same kind of pain? How could he ever fully understand me the way I thought he could?

The second my room door is closed, I drink down the last of the whiskey bottle. I’ve tried to avoid alcohol over the past few years. It would be far too easy for me to drink away the pain, the memories, the horrible guilt. Eventually, I’d drown myself in a bottle. That’s not a way I want to go. But one night of indulgence will be fine.

I wobble towards my bed, shedding my outer layers as I go. I collapse face first onto the old mattress. Whiskey clouds my mind. And when I finally pass out, all I see is empty darkness. I’m not sure if that’s better or worse than the nightmares.

———————————————

“...safe?”

“Out cold...”

The voices stay patchy as I slip in and out of consciousness. I try to force my eyes fully open, but the pounding in my head is too much. Indistinguishable figures move on the edges of my blurry vision. There’s little to no light. It must still be night, maybe only a couple hours since I passed out.

“Is..right thing?”

“Hex...Rook and Pargeter...dangerous...we...safe.”

“Fine.”

Something grabs both my wrists and my ankles. I try to struggle but I must still be too drunk. I can’t get my limbs to move save for some squirming. I try to summon my magic, but my mind can’t concentrate. It’s no use. Bloody hell, I’m trapped.

“Night night, hex,” a horrible voice says. Something soft is pressed hard against my face. I can’t take in air, I can’t breathe, I can’t fucking breathe. It’s like the coffin. No, I can’t do this again. I try to thrash harder and scream but it’s still no use.

Oh Lord, I’m going to die here. I wonder if I’ll see my mother on the other side. I wonder if I even have a soul to go to the other side. And I wonder how if Snow is okay. Christ, my last conversation with him ended in anger. If I had known, I would’ve said everything I’ve wanted to say this past week. But the first thing would be ‘I’m sorry.’

I’m sorry, Snow, for everything I said and thought. And I’m sorry for leaving you alone.

“Hey! Get off him, you bastards!” That voice is familiar even in my half drunken state. Thank whatever gods are listening that he’s okay.

“It’s the other one!” one of my assailants shouts. “Wasn’t Garth supposed to take care of him?!”

“That damn idjit fucked up!”

I hear the telltale signs of punches and kicks thrown about. One of the hands on me pulls off. All this excitement has thankfully sobered me up some. I kick some stupid bastard right in the stomach.

“Fuck!” they wheeze. The other humans are wise and let go of my wrist. I’m on my feet in a second.

“Bloody humans,” I growl out, still slurring slightly. “You can’t even let me fucking sleep?!”

The burly barkeep scowls at me. My would be murder weapon is still in his hand. “Eat shit, you demon.”

I scowl right back at him. “Oh, you want a demon? I’ll give you a fucking demon, love.”

The fire blazes up in me, all shining black and scarlet, and I make little effort to contain it. I let the flames fly out and encase the man almost completely. He screeches as his skin bubbles and burns under my powers.

“Stop it!” a woman yells. She comes at me with a knife raised. A whip of fire forms in my hand instantly. With one crack, it wraps around her wrist. She screams in the exact same way and lets her weapon clatter on the floor. She goes to her knees, clutching her blackened, blistered skin.

“You bastard,” she cries. “How could you?!”

“How could I!?” Even more fire plays over my hands. “I could ask you the same thing, human.”

“We’re trying to protect ourselves, monster!”

In that moment, in her eyes, I see every human who’s hurt me. The people who mocked me, who killed my mother, who turned me into this. All sense leaves my mind in an instant. “I’m a monster only because of you!”

With one wave of my hand, she’s thrown against the wall hard enough to make it shake. I spin around to see a man trying to crack Snow’s skull open with a butcher’s cleaver. One well aimed blast sends him flying as well. Another casts two aside. They don’t move much afterwards, but I find myself caring little. Let them die like my mother did.

“Baz, stop it!” Snow shouts. I ignore him as I send the last assailant against the wall, listening to their screams as I burn their chest. “Baz!”

“Fuck off, Snow!” I roar. “I- Ack!”

Pain rips through my shoulder. I clutch it and my hand becomes wet with what I assume must be blood. I fall forward. My nose cracks against the floor. I scream in pain and flames roar out of me in a massive plume They hit everything, including my shooter and the walls of the room. I can feel the whole space burning around us.

“Baz!” Snow’s voice is beyond panicked. I hear his footsteps rush toward me. His hands hover over me but won’t touch. He can’t touch me.

“Get out, Simon,” I rasp , turning my head to the side to look at him. He’s covered in bruises and ash. Yet he’s still so beautiful. “Run before more of them come.”

“Shut up, arsehole! I haven’t turned my back on you yet, and I’m not going to start now!”

If the world weren’t literally on fire right now, I’d find that touching. I close my eyes. At least my dying image will be of him. “Don’t be an idiot, Snow.” Surprisingly, the bastard fucking laughs. My eyes snap open again. The bloody back of his hand is pressed against his mouth as he giggles. “What the fuck is funny about this?”

“You,” he laughs, “called me Simon before.”

My face heats up, and it’s not from the fire. “No I didn’t.”

“We’re fucking dying and you can’t admit you used my first name?”

“I’m dying. You’re being an idiot and not running away like you should!”

“You’re too stubborn to die, Baz, and we both know it.” He jumps to his feet. “Get up, we’re getting out of here.”

“Snow-”

“Or are you too much of a yellow belly to get up and try?”

Oh, this bastard. In only two weeks, he’s learned me too well. I scowl at his stupid pretty face as I push myself up on my good arm. At the same time, thundering footsteps can be heard from the stairwell.

“That route is out of the question,” I say. “Where are we to go, Snow?”

“This way.” He holds his hand and in a mere two seconds, the opposite wall is blown to pieces in a rain of spark. “Now let’s go!”

“We’re on the bloody second floor!”

Snow runs towards the gaping hole and throws himself out. I rush to the edge, blood pounding in my ear. No, Snow cannot die, I can’t let him die. But to my utter shock and awe, Snow is floating his way down to the ground. He stops and starts and still hits the ground in an uncoordinated roll, but he’s okay.

“Oh, Snow, you brilliant moron,” I whisper.

“They’re probably still in there!” someone shouts from the hallway. I take a few steps back, breathe deep, and run off the splintered edge just as the humans burst through the door.

Instead of sending my fire outwards like usual, I keep it within me. I will my body to rise high like flames from a candle. My legs move slowly like I’m running in the air. Fuck, this is actually working. Slowly, I let my flame flick and die down, lowering myself along with it. I reach the ground with my own thud but stay on my feet. Snow grins at me. In all this horror, that is the greatest thing to see.

“Let’s get the horses and get out of here, Snow.”

“Agreed, Pitch.”

We sprint to the stables and thankfully find our steeds unharmed. I count ourselves lucky that our attackers didn’t consider them demonic too. Mounting is difficult with my left arm fucked up, but let it never be said that a human bullet could stop Basilton Pitch. I hold the reins with one hand as I spur him into a dash.

The wind whistles in my ears. Snow and I run even faster than we did from the Red Weed. Our kind is always good at running. It’s our natural state.

———————————————

Snow and I ride until it’s nearly dawn. The sky turns purple then crimson with the rising sun in front of us. When I see orange, my horse finally starts to tire out. Snow’s does the same. We slow down then stop.

“Think we’re far enough away?” Snow asks, breath short and strained.

“Yeah,” I reply, sounding the same. “I think they would’ve caught us by now if they were still after us.”

“Good point, good point.” Snow leans forward, putting his forehead on his horse’s neck. “God, I’m fucking knackered. I barely slept.”

“Me too. We should both sleep.”

“What if someone comes after us?”

“Point. Sleep in shifts?”

Snow nods. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

“Good.” I slowly dismount my horse, but get my footing wrong and start to fall. I grab the reins with my left arm and practically scream in pain.

“Baz!” Snow rushes towards me, but stops when I raise my good arm.

“Don’t...” I pant, “don’t come any closer. I’m injured, Snow, and my self control is severely weakened. So unless you wish for death now after just barely escaping it, back away.”

“Oh, yeah, right...” Snow backs far away just as he should, but my heart still aches. “What are we going to do about your shoulder?”

“I can fix it, but I’m going to need your belt”

Snow’s brows shot upwards. “My belt? What for?”

“Just throw it to me, Snow, for Christ’s sake.”

Thank God he doesn’t ask another stupid question. He just unbuckles the belt and does what I ask. I try to not let my hands shake as I fold the belt in half. The last time I did this was three years ago, when I sat in a London alleyway after a drunkard broke my leg, a mere four days after fleeing my home for good.

“Baz, what are you-”

“Snow,” I say firmly, “I need you to do me a favour.”

“Okay...?”

I sit on the ground, belt held tightly in my hand. “I need you to stay right there no matter what. Don’t move, don’t try to help. The best way you can help is to stay fucking still.”

“What the fuck is-”

“Promise me you won’t move, Simon.” I look him right in his blue eyes, my mouth a thin, serious line. “Promise me.”

Snow gives me a once over, then thankfully nods. “Okay, I promise.”

“Good.” I put the belt between my teeth. When I check on Snow, he looks beyond panicked. “If it makes it easier,” I say clumsily between the leather, “you don’t have to watch.”

“Baz-”

I slap my right hand over my left shoulder, and it feels like I’m burning from the inside out. My magic scorches my body as it wraps around my injury. The buck shot is pulled through my muscles and skin, ripping and tearing as they go, and I can feel every bit of it. I can also feel as my tissue and bone stretches to knit back together piece by agonizing piece. It’s an indescribable kind of pain. It’s what I imagine hell must feel like. I scream, I can’t help it, but luckily the belt is muffling as well preventing me from biting off a chunk of my tongue. Snow gasps in horror but he doesn’t move. He keeps his promises. I knew he would. He’s a far better man than me.

The burning fades as the skin finally seals shut. I cautiously move my hand, shaking off the shrapnel and gooey viscera that trails between my fingers. God, it's a nasty scab, mangled and uneven and horrifically inflamed. I can only hope the scar won’t be too bad. The one on my calf has faded overtime.

“Are you-”

“Not yet,” I say, cutting off a frightened looking Simon. “This one won’t take as long though.”

I touch my nose, feeling for where the breaks are. I squeeze my eyes shut, and with a horribly painful crack, I move it mostly back into place. I let out a short yell, but just pant and seethe as the bone and cartilage knit back together. I try to wipe the bloody snot from my hand but it's no use. Disgusting, but better than a broken nose. I feel around to make sure things are okay. Well, the tip is a bit crooked, but I can live with that. Right now, I’m thankful to be alive at all.

“Okay,” I sigh, finally taking the teeth mark covered belt out of my mouth, “now I’m done.”

“What the fuck was that?” Snow’s voice is somewhere between fascination and absolute horror. In short, a proper reaction.

“Something my aunt taught me. Hexes are essentially manipulators of energy and matter. And what are bodies but living energy and matter? With practice, you can fix any part of yourself.”

“But isn’t it painful?”

“Was that not obvious?” I snap. But Snow’s genuinely worried face softens my demeanor. “Yes, it’s excruciating. Hence why I try not to use the technique as much as I can.” I massage my still aching shoulder. “Today it was unavoidable, unfortunately.”

Simon runs a nervous hand through his dirty hair. “Fuck...”

I cough out a small laugh. “Yes, that sums it up pretty well.”

He laughs too, just as shaky and sad. “Sums up the whole night.”

The two of us keep chuckling softly in the wee hours of the morning. The ascending sun hurts my tired eyes. Using so much magic has taken everything out of me. I let out a long, deep yawn.

“You sleep first,” Snow says. “I’ll keep watch.”

“No, no, I can-”

“Baz.” He sounds firm, but also tired, and maybe even a little fond. I’m probably imagining that last one though. “Go to bed. I’ll wake you up in about eight hours.”

If I weren’t sleep deprived, magically drained, and recovering from grievous injuries, I would protest more. But Snow is damn lucky today. I simply sigh and stand up to get my cot from my saddlebags. I count our lucky stars we didn’t bring in too many of our supplies to the inn. Maybe God hasn’t completely abandoned us heathen monsters.

“I don’t have the energy to put up my shield,” I say, hoping my tone conveys enough.

“Okay,” Snow replies, “I’ll stay away, don’t worry. I keep my promises.”

My pulse flutters involuntarily. A smile creeps across my face no matter how hard I try to stop it. “I know you do, Simon.”

Snow gifts me one of his sunshine smiles. That’s the last thing I see before turning over and letting myself rest.

———————————————

Snow lets me sleep longer than eight hours. I’d be more mad if I wasn’t so exhausted. In return, I let him oversleep too. We’re both passed out by the time it’s dark again. Even hexes with all our inhumanity need to rest sometimes. Snow and I are lucky we get the chance this time.

In the morning, I reluctantly go to the next closest town. We did leave some of our things behind sadly, including most of our clothes. I’m damn well not going to keep roaming around the south of Texas in my bloody socks, and neither will Snow. I get us some new jackets, boots, and hats, ignoring the strange looks I get from the lily white shopkeeper. 

I grab us some more of that disgusting jerky too. If only good food could keep in these horrific conditions. When I reach the counter, the shopkeeper frowns at the things I lay out.

“You can pay for all this?” she asks. I scowl deeply. I’m too tired for this shit.

“Are people like me not allowed to have money here?” I snap.

“Ya can now, but in my experience, y’all darker folk are better at stealing my stock than paying.”

Bloody hell, I’m too tired for this racist shite. I slam two bills on the counter. “There. Hope I didn’t dirty these up too much for you.”

She glares at me hard. As she reaches for the money, I deliberately brush my finger on hers, and she yelps loudly. The edge of her index is red and inflamed. An undeniable burn mark, but far too small for anyone to believe it came from an evil, bloodthirsty hexslinger.

“Oh dear,” I say deadpan. “Your register must have gotten in the sun. Do be more careful.” I shovel the supplies in my bag as she looks at me wide eyed. “Have a nice day, ma’am.”

I can feel her scared eyes on my back as I leave. I get on my horse and ride out fast. No reason to stay in this shithole any longer. And I need to get back to Snow, where I belong.

———————————————

“Everything okay in town?” Snow asks.

I toss the bundle of clothes at him, along with a bag of jerky. “No one attacked me, if that’s what you mean. I didn’t get made for a hex. But I did get some flack for my skin tone.”

Snow’s face falls a bit. There’s something far too close to pity in his eyes. “Oh. I’m sorry-”

“Don’t, Snow. You’re in no place to apologize for some racist American bastards, it’s not your responsibility. Sorry from you means nothing.”

“But-”

“Would you accept an apology from me on behalf of all the rich men who have treated you like trash before?” Snow’s gaping mouth slowly closes. “Exactly. Now get those on. They’re slightly less dirty than our current garments.”

Snow nods and does what I say. I unbutton off my bloodstained shirt and wince as the tacky fabric peels off my skin. The scab has gotten a little better. That’s something I suppose. My eyes slowly move over to Snow without realising it. I steal a glimpse of his broad, bare back, golden like the rest of him. There are some jagged pink scars but they take nothing away how brightly he shines. I look away before I’m too tempted by what I can’t have.

“Much better,” Snow sighs as he slips on the new boots. “I’m surprised my feet haven’t been ripped to shreds yet.”

“Me too. I’m glad though, I didn’t want to do any more healing.”

“I don’t want you to either, fuck.” I hate how his concern makes me feel so good inside. “I’ll start setting up the fire. It’s going to get dark again soon.”

“By all means, Snow, do all the work. I won’t stop you.”

Snow snorts out a laugh, giving me a cheeky smile I can still see at this distance. Christ, I’m on fire, and for once it’s not from my magic. It’s so much better. I have to look away again before I do something ridiculous and deadly.

By the time the sun is down, Snow has made a wonderful small fire for the two of us. We both warm our hands from opposite sides. I don’t need to do it too much. My magic has almost fully replenished, for better or worse. And I’m so hungry that I actually enjoy the extremely salty bison jerky. Bloody hell, I’m turning into an American.

“Where are we going to go next?” Snow asks, mouth still full. “I’m guessing we should avoid any more towns.”

“Agreed. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not jump out of another building.”

“We certainly agree there. Christ, I was worried I was going to die.”

“Me too, Snow, me too.” I nervously fiddle with the string on my cloth bag. The words are coming out, and I can’t stop them. “I’m sorry, Snow.”

His brow adorably furrows. “Sorry for what?”

“Sorry for the way I acted that night, before I went to bed. I was very rude to you and I deeply apologize.”

“Oh...okay. Thanks.” He looks down, rubbing the back of his neck. “I-I was confused. Did I do something bad?”

“No, Snow,” I sigh, “you did nothing wrong. It was all me being stupid.”

“Okay...”

I sigh again. God, I can’t dance around it anymore. I have to tell him. After putting up with me for this long, he deserves to know.

“I was angry and...somewhat jealous of you.”

His eyes get very big. “Jealous? Of me?!”

“Yes, in a way. Because...you didn’t have to go through the same kind of suffering I did when I manifested. Which isn’t fair, because you lived on the streets while I grew up in a bloody mansion. It’s just not the same suffering I had, and I was angry I had to go through it when you didn't. Which is absolutely ridiculous, and I’m sorry I pushed that on you.”

“If you don’t mind me asking...what happened?”

I stare at him for a long moment over the fire. He holds my gaze, eyes round with worry and care. It hurts me in the most exquisite way. “It’s not a pretty story, Snow.”

His mouth pulls into a sad, slight smile. “Weren’t you the one who said that all hexes live through hardship, and we have nothing to be ashamed of?”

I chuckle and shake my head. “Using my words against me, a tactic of a true devious hex.”

He shrugs, still wearing that little smile. “What can I say? I can live up to our reputation sometimes.” Snow’s face falls again. “So what happened?”

With a deep sigh, rubbing my forehead, I start the horrid tale.

“My family always knew there was a chance I could be a hex,” I say. “But since my aunt couldn’t sense any magic on me pre manifestation, we assumed that I wasn’t too powerful, and manifestation could be avoided if we were careful. So I lived in the aforementioned secluded mansion all my life and I was never allowed to leave the grounds. All my time was spent reading, doing school work, or learning about hexation from my aunt, just in case. Everything in my life revolved around my mere potential to be a hex. I could never do or see anything. I felt like a prisoner. And when I was 18, I had enough.

“One evening, I snuck out of my room and went into the nearby town. I just wanted to see what was outside my home. But I was a naive sheltered kid. Of course I got lost on my way there and went into an area I never should have. Someone had knocked me out cold, and next thing I knew, I was in a cramped, dark box.”

“A box? What do you mean a box?”

I clench my fists tight until the shaking stops, then slowly let go. “It was a coffin, Snow. I had been trapped inside a coffin.”

I can almost feel the way Snow’s stomach must drop out at those words. I know, mine did the same when I realised where I was that night. “W-Why?!”

“It was hard to hear him through said coffin, but I got the main idea. He came from some old witch hunter family but had never caught an actual hex, until me. He’d heard the stories about my mother and had been secretly spying on me for months. When I escaped, he took his chance to kidnap me.”

“So he took you just to taunt you from outside a coffin?”

“I wish that was all he did,” I grumble. “He told me that the coffin was a test. There was a chance the hexation had skipped me over. If I was a hex, being stuck in the coffin would make me manifest, then he could kill me in good conscience. If I wasn’t and didn’t manifest, well, as he put it; ‘there are always casualties in the war for righteousness, boy.’”

Snow’s jaw drops to the grassy ground. “So even if you were human, he would’ve killed you anyway?”

“Mhm, mad bastard.” 

“How long did he keep you there before you escaped? A few days?”

I take long, steady breaths, beating back the old fear that creeps up my throat like bile. I can almost still smell that unique rotten scent from the coffin. I’ll never forget it. I never can.

“Snow,” I say slowly, “I was in that coffin for six weeks.”

And I thought he looked horrified before. Snow drops his jerky bag, hands shaking. I want to grab them, hold them still, comfort him in whatever way I can. The urge is almost stronger than the Call.

“S-Six weeks?! How are you still alive?”

“Thank the witch hunter,” I grumble. “He drilled very small air holes in the lid, and gave me enough food and water to keep me alive but starving. I think, hex or not, he wanted me to suffer because I was my mother’s son. A hex’s child was just as guilty of sin in his eyes.” I rub the bridge of my nose. It aches with the pain of my past. “At the time, I had no idea how long I was in there. It was just one endless night of torture. I begged and pleaded with the hunter to let me go, but he only laughed and called me pathetic hex scum. After six weeks, well, he finally got what he wanted.”

“You manifested.”

“Almost as violently as you did.” I trace the lines of my hand, the skin rough from my fire. I remember my mother’s hands being the same. “The details are blurry, but I remember enough. It started as just a tingling in my gut, but soon it became a burn. And then it spread as quickly as a forest fire.”

“Is it always fire with you?” The corner of Snow’s lip quirks up. The bit of teasing lilt in his voice makes me feel a bit lighter. I can't help but smile back a little.

“Usually, yes. It's always run very strong in my family.” I bounce a flame between my fingers. The movement is strangely calming to me. “I quickly learned I was no different. Before I knew it, I let out a massive ring of fire in every direction. It blew the coffin apart, of course, and turned my captor into a charcoal husk.”

Snow scoffs, a surprisingly vicious expression on his face. “Better than he deserved.”

“Agreed. I have no idea what happened to his body. I left almost immediately, though I wasn’t fully conscious. Six weeks in the coffin had deprived me of most of my mental faculties. Luckily, he kept me not far from home, and I could wander back on pure muscle memory. But going home turned out to be a terrible idea.” I grab the small fire and snuff it out in one go. But my fist stays clenched. “My aunt had been staying there while everyone searched for me. The second I walked through the front door, I could easily smell her. She was overjoyed to see me, until she smelled me too. And as I said, most of my mental faculties were gone.”

“So you attacked her on instinct.”

I chuckle sadly. “Quick study there, Snow. I didn’t even know what I was doing. I was just so bloody hungry all of sudden. I can’t even describe it.”

“You don't need to describe it to me, Baz.” He brings his knees under his chin. “I’ve felt hex hunger too. It’s...awful when you’re in the middle of it.”

“And when you’re not, you try to drown it out or distract yourself. But deep down, you know one day you’ll give up and listen. Then it will take over.”

Snow nods, looking at me in the eye. I’ve seen so much profound sadness in a person’s face. “And you’ll hurt someone, no matter how much you’ll regret it later.”

If I have a soul, it’s aching horribly. How could fate be so cruel as to give me Snow? So wonderfully brave and kind to a fault, and who actually understands what my life is like. The perfect man. And someday soon, he’s going to kill me. There’s no doubt I’ll be the one to die. I won’t kill him, not ever. I’d let him take everything from me before I’d kill him.

“Did you hurt your aunt?”

Thankfully, I can shake my head to that. “No, not at all. She was an experienced magic user, while I was a starving, half crazed newly minted hex. She took me down in seconds. When I woke up again, I was cleaned up and in my room. It took a second to regain my bearings, but I soon remembered what had happened...what I had become. There wasn’t any debate in my mind. Within an hour, I had packed my most practical clothes along with any small valuables I could pawn. Then I ran away and never looked back.”

“Which is how you ended up in America.”

“What better way to protect my family from me than by putting an ocean between us? At first, I stayed in an empty little corner of the American frontier. I just wanted to live out my lonely hex existence as long as possible. I didn’t expect the Call or this looming hex war.”

“No one did,” Simon sighs. “Hexes working together has never been possible before. Who could’ve imagined some American preacher would team up with an Aztec goddess to do just that?”

“Fair point. But now he’s made our existences much harder in a way. Look what those humans tried to do to us at the inn. They were even more scared because of Rook”

“Yeah...”

I groan, pushing my face into my hands, rubbing it up and down. “I never asked to be like this. I tried my hardest to avoid being like this. Then that choice was ripped away from me by some madman. Now I’m trapped between murderous humans or a bloodthirsty witch goddess. Why am I here? Why do I have to be here?!”

“Baz-”

“I don’t want this,” I choke out through my building sobs. “I want to see my family again. I just want to go home!”

I breathe hard and fast, holding back tears with all my strength. No, I refuse to cry. I swore to never cry again after the coffin, because I wasn't sure I could survive falling apart again. Yet here I am. I thought I had shed every tear I have there. I’m so pathetic.

“It’s okay,” Simon says. His voice is far louder than before. “Whatever you’re feeling is okay. It’s...it’s okay if you’re not.”

Slowly, cautiously, I lower my hands, blinking away the tears that had collected. I inhale sharply. Snow is less than two feet away from me. I can count the moles on his face, see the golden highlights in his bronze. But worse, his unbelievably delicious scent fills every cavity of my nose.

“You really shouldn’t sit so close, Snow,” I whisper. My eyes fall down and become completely fixed on Simon’s plush lips.

“I know,” he says under his breath, “but I don’t care.”

He touches my hand, and I feel his magic run through me. That explosive sensation pulses through my veins so hard it almost makes me gasp. The instinctual part of my brain goes fucking mad. It wants me to grab his throat and drain every drop of his magic, his essence, his very soul. My breathing gets shallow and laboured.

“Simon...” I say.

And then he kisses me.

It’s cautious and shy. His lips barely brush against mine, but I feel it everywhere else, especially in the way our powers rise to meet each other. The magic collides, but doesn’t clash. They meld and twist together at our points of contact, desperately needing to connect.

Snow opens his mouth, turning the kiss into one of pure heat and hunger. I gladly do the same. He grabs either side of my face and shoves his tongue down my throat. I grip his collar and push back against him. My entire body is filled with endless energy. I’m a star going supernova. And I want to explode with Simon. My nails scratch viciously across his neck. He clenches his fist in my hair, pressing our faces closer. I shudder as Simon bites hard on my bottom lip. I’m wrapped in cold heat, wrapped up in him. I feel so alive. It feels so right. But it’s wrong.

With all the strength I have, I shove Snow off me. We both fall back on the ground, breaking our closed circuit of feeding on each other simultaneously. Simon scrambles further away panting. I’m similarly out of breath. Both our lips trail white smoke, like they’ve been singed by ice. My magic readjusts after being sucked away and added to all at the same time. A bit of Snow’s explosive energy still sits in me, swirling around like a miniature star. We just stare at each other wide eyed for a long time.

“Shit,” Simon whispers.

I sigh heavily, running a shaky hand through my hair. “Well said.”

“We nearly killed each other.”

“Mages don’t meddle, Snow. We both know that.”

Simon groans, clutching his hair in his fists. “I know, I know. I almost killed Penny last time and I swore it would never happen again. But look at me now. Of course I fuck up.” I can see tears forming under his eyes. “What’s the point of being an all powerful hex if it means being alone forever?! I can blow up a building with my mind but I can’t even bloody kiss you! It’s not fair!”

I pick at my shirt sleeve with shaking fingers. “Maybe God is punishing us.”

“We didn’t ask to be like this, Baz!”

“That doesn’t change what we are, Simon! We’re freaks of nature, cannibalistic monsters!” I nearly rip through the fabric of my shirt. I'm so angry and so fucking tired. “Maybe we truly are devil spawn or something, like all the humans say. Maybe they’re right to be scared of all of us...”

I turn away from him, just staring at the fire. The sting of the smoke keeps me from sinking too low into my self loathing. Snow moves in my peripheral. We sit side by side. My skin prickles as he hovers his hand over mine. It takes every bit of my will to not try and drain him again.

“There’s somewhere we can go where we aren’t 'Devil spawn,'” he says.

I tense up. “Simon, that’s risky. It could all be a farce.”

“I don’t care if you think it’s just a farce, Baz! It’s still a chance. For you and me, for us.” He lightly brushes one of my fingers. I have to rip my hand away before I hurt him again. His pretty eyes are filled with pain. “See? Wouldn’t you like to stop doing that? Isn’t it worth the risk?”

I’ve been running for most of my life. I ran from my mother's legacy for as long as I could. I ran from my family when I feared my own hunger. And I could run now, from Simon and the fear of killing him. But I’d also be abandoning the chance for some sort of happy life. It may not be perfect, but it would be far more than my ancestors ever had before. Can I sacrifice that for fear?

“I’m tired, Snow,” I say weakly. “We should both get some rest.”

“But Baz-”

“Let me sleep on it, alright? Please?”

Snow takes in a deep breath, and lets out a long sigh. “We’ll talk in the morning.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

I want to kiss him so badly right now. Just grab his gorgeous, sunshine face and kiss him goodnight. Since I can’t, I smile as genuinely as I can at him. It’s not easy for me, but I mean it with him. “Goodnight, Simon.”

Snow stares at me for a long moment. But slowly, a smile creeps across his face too. The fondness threatens to melt me, “Goodnight, Baz.”

We keep our eyes locked for as long as we can. When I finally lay down, putting my crackling shield around me, the image of Snow’s wonderful face relaxes me into sleep.

———————————————

I bang my fists against the wood over and over, ignoring my already numerous splinters.

“Help!” I yell. “Someone help me! Please, get me out of here!”

All my pleas fall on deaf ears, as usual. No matter what I do, no matter how loud I scream. I’m stuck in this damned coffin. I scratch at it until my fingernails tear from their beds. Blood drips into my mouth, leaving an iron taste in the back of my scream sore throat.

“I’m not a fucking hex! I just want to go home!” I sob so hard I nearly choke on my own breath. “Just let me go home.”

My aching arms finally fall. I curl in on myself as much as I can within my confines. I close my eyes, but there’s little to no difference in the endless pitch black. Tears run hot down my face. They leave small trails in the dirt that’s accumulated over...however long I’ve been here. I don’t know anymore. Time is meaningless where there’s no sunrise or sunset. Life is meaningless in here.

“Baz?”

His voice is far away, but it still rings clear. My eyes slide open. “Simon?”

“Oh lord. Hang on, Baz! I'll get you out!”

I can only hear as Snow desperately tugs at the coffin lid. It should be impossible, the thing is nailed shut, but somehow Snow rips it open. The light is dim yet still hurts my eyes. I can't help but hiss at the pain.

“It’s okay, Baz,” he says in that unbelievably soft tone.

His hand reaches to me through the blinding light. Slowly, I reach back. And when I hold it, I know I’m supposed to be in pain, but I’m not. Instead, I’m just calm, happy, safe. Snow slowly pulls me out. His arms snake around my back, holding me up. He looks me over, taking in my decrepit, decayed state from ages in that damn box. And miraculously, he smiles. Even like this, he looks at me with such care.

“You’re alright now, Baz. I’m here.” He cups my face. “I’m here for you.”

Emotions clog up my throat and tears run down my cheek, but this time they’re for a good reason. I put my own shaking hand on his golden face. He’s so warm. “Yes, you are. And I’m here for you too, Simon.”

He’s still grinning as I lean forward, pressing my lips to his. But this time there’s no fear I’ll kill him. There’s just the utter joy of being with the one who understands me best, the one I want the most.

Oh, how I want this.

———————————————

I blink awake slowly. The morning sun is just rising over the horizon, turning the grassy landscape violet. I sit up and see the now familiar body on the other side of the fire. Snow sleeps in a knot, arms and legs pulled in. The furrow in his brow says he’s in the middle of a nightmare too. Though mine wasn’t one by the end. Not when he was there.

My mind is made up.

Once again, I’m packing my things lowly, waiting for Snow to wake. Luckily, he stirs while I’m only halfway through tying up the cot. He rubs the sleep from his eyes in such a terribly adorable way.

“Morning,” I say.

“Morning,” he yawns. “Are we going now? Or...are you?”

My heart seizes, but only for a moment. He’s right to be concerned. The fact that we’ve travelled together for two weeks without killing each other is a miracle among hexes. After last night’s close call, a sensible man would leave and never return. I was once a sensible human man. But I’m a deranged, bloodthirsty hex now. Why not act like one?

“You should get up and start packing, Snow. If we’re going to make it to the Mexican border before nightfall, we’ll have to ride fast.”

His eyes go rounder than a full moon. “You mean...”

I pull the pack tie tight. “We’re going to Hex City.”

“What changed your mind?

I sigh heavily, then walk over to him. I stay at a safe distance of course but Snow’s magic pulls me to him, my body begging me to take it. Instead, I simply hold out my hand to him. Snow stares for a moment but does catch on. He offers his own to me. Once again, our magics reach out to each other, wisps of fire and lightning twining together. It sends a faint whisper of that explosive adrenaline through my veins. So incredible and so wrong.

I snap my hand away, fists clenched hard. “Because of that. If I were a more selfless person, I would simply leave, but unfortunately I’m not. Are you?” Snow looks me over. His eyes pierce me in a way no one’s ever has before. He slowly shakes his head. “Exactly. I may be scared of Rook and his goddess, but I’m more scared of hurting you. There’s only one place where I won't.”

“Hex City.” He chews on the corner of his bottom lip. “What if you’re right though, and Rook’s price is too high?” 

“Then at least we’ll pay it knowing we tried to have a real life, instead of running like we’ve always had to.” I stand straight with my head held high. No matter the fear, I’m sure of this. “I think we’ve both suffered long enough, Simon.”

The way Snow’s face relaxes means the world to me. I love seeing that, seeing what he looks like without the heavy burden of hexation on his shoulders. Maybe I’ll be able to see that more in Hex City.

“It’ll probably be nice there,” he says. “I mean, a city made for hexes by hexes is going to be weird, but I bet it’ll look amazing in it’s own way.”

I chuckle and nod. “Agreed. Buildings and roads made by magic will certainly be interesting.”

“Penny would probably want to study them.” He sighs, but there’s a lightness to. “Maybe Penny will come one day, and I could see her again.”

“Maybe. I would love to meet her. I might be able to see my aunt again one day, too. I could introduce you to her.”

He beams so bright at me I fear I’ll get sunburnt. “I’d like that a lot.”

“Me too, Snow. So let’s get going.”

We finish packing very quickly. Snow gets on his horse as clumsy as he usually does. I snort at the way his American cowboy hat nearly falls off his head. The death glare he gives me has little impact, what with the way he’s grinning. He hasn’t stopped grinning almost since he woke up. I can’t blame him. I have trouble controlling my smile either.

“Ready?” he asks. As if he even has to. I’ve made my choice, and I’m sticking to it.

“Ready,” I say. “Let’s go.”

Snow and I both send our horses into gallops. We soar across the grassy plain, the Texas sun illuminating our way. The impending hex war still looms over us. But I will fight until my last breath to keep any happiness Simon and I can find.

I can almost see our future. Soon, we’ll reach the terrifying and wonderful Hex City. Rook will ask for his price, and we’ll pay, because it’ll mean a freedom we've never known before. We’ll be able to hold hands, kiss whenever we want, sleep in the same bed, simply be around each other with no fear of our hexacious hunger. It’s more than I could have ever dreamed of even a few months ago.

For once, I’m going to run towards something good, instead of away from the darkness inside me. I cannot wait.

———————————————

AN: And that's all folks! I hope people enjoyed that, even if y'all have never read Hexslinger. If you wanna read the books, I highly recommend them, tho be warned they require trigger warnings for all the stuff here and more. Almost anything that usually needs a trigger warning is in those books. I'm okay with reading it, but I also completely understand others not liking that shit.

In the positives, it's an extremely interesting and complex series dealing with survival, discrimination, identity, the pain that can come with love, and the unlikely bonds formed between people. The world building is amazing and the magic system is super cool. What I love the most are the characters, who are all very interesting and complex. No one is 100% good or evil, they're just people trying to find ways to achieve their goals or simply live. What actions they take are up for moral debate, but a lot of the time they're at least understandable. There's a lot of period typical bigotry, and it's much more vicious than what I wrote here, but what I love is that there a lot of diverse characters who say "fuck that" and fight back against the shit they get. You've got queer, Indigenous, black, latinx, Chinese, and Jewish main characters in a wild west story who are all well rounded and interesting. That's pretty awesome imo.

Okay enough gushing about Hexslinger lol. Hope this story was good. No guarantee when my next fic will be out. Work and school are killer. Until then, see you later!

[sol1056]

hey! i noticed that you’ve written a lot about how voltron fails as a mecha series, and it got me curious about what a GOOD mecha series looks like. do you have any recs for someone whose only experience with the genre, quite literally, is voltron?

note: that is NOT where I wanted the cut. who knows what the devs are doing over there at tumblr hq.

-----

Welp, there’s more than one kind of mecha. There’s super robots -- where (in general) the robots are ultra-powered and relatively indestructible. Then there’s real robots, which will break down and/or run out of ammunition at the most dramatically critical moments. And then there’s a category that at best might be nearly-sentient robots, which have minds and motivations of their own -- but I wouldn’t say that’s a true category (in terms of the genre) so much as a distinction I've noted.

I’ve never been big into the super robot series (with a few exceptions), and I mostly find the combining robot genre to be frustrating. Former mechanic and engineer who currently works with AI, so a lot of the hand-wavey aspects are frustrating for me, especially in super robots where things mysteriously repair themselves and there’s never a struggle to upgrade/repair. (And don’t even get me started on the idea of controlling a bipedal reactive machine with only two foot pedals and a damn joystick.)

Which is all to say, I suppose I should recommend that you watch the classics, except I’m not really sure what they are because I’ve forgotten most of them. And frankly a lot of them are really shoddy animation by today’s standards, and life is too short to waste time on that. I’ll need to refer you along to other mecha fans to add their recommendations, instead.

Well, I can at least recommend Gundam and Macross, but that’s kind of like saying I recommend Doc Martens and Aididas -- that barely narrows it down, since there’s so many options within each brand. Everyone’s got their favorites in each, as do I, but any mecha series that’s stayed with me is one that found a way to either twist the core trope, or explored implications that other series glossed over.

Note: I’ve never seen any version of Eva, and never felt the urge to, either. Sorry. Ask someone else for input on that. Plus there’s also ones I’ll leave off here ‘cause they’re veering over into AI/robots/tech and less what would usually be called mecha, but they’re still worthwhile: Battle Fairy Yukikaze, Ghost in the Shell: Standalone Complex, Broken Blade, Last Exile, and Voices of a Distant Star all come to mind.

Gundam

For me, I adore the technical geeky touches in Gundam F91, but the story is total spaghetti, so you might want to skip that until you’re more familiar with the gundam tropes. (It was meant to be a series, iirc, got shut down, and they took the pieces and made a movie from it, so it’s... kind of compressed, to put it mildly). 

Gundam Wing and Gundam 00 are considerably less geeky on the technical (though they do satisfy the mechanic itch, with a bit more real robot, at least on the technicalities). I like the international core cast, and the way each series explores geopolitical dynamics. (That said, skip the second season of Gundam 00. It just goes totally off the rails into some really wild and wacky directions.)

A long-running concept like Gundam is recognizable across the series thanks to core concepts, and in Gundam’s case it’s the conflicts between imperialism and colonialism, war versus justified rebellion, and pacifism versus a first-strike as self-defense. What I liked with Wing and 00, in particular, was its central pilots felt more tied to (and aware of) the political ramifications of their actions.

I did watch about half of Iron-Blooded Orphans, which struck out in a new direction by having Mars as the colony instead of the lagrange points, but didn’t bother finishing. From what I hear, watch it with a box of tissues, as it’s a return to the classic kill-em-all perspective of the original Gundam series.

Macross

I’m sure someone else will tell you to watch the original Macross (the american version being Robotech, albeit highly edited). I know lots of people adore the first Macross series, but it’s just too late-80s for me. (The hair, my god, the hair.)

Personally, I prefer Macross Frontier -- the amination is much improved, though the fact is I also adore the voices of Yuuichi Nakamura and Aya Endō. Macross has some politics, but it’s mostly internal -- that is, the opponents aren’t human, so whatever debate there is about who’s right or wrong is mostly one-sided, since we only ever see humans doing the talking.

I tried to watch Macross Delta but it just didn’t do it for me -- and therein lies some of the issues (for me) with both Gundam and Macross. Because both have some core elements that they tackle in every series, it can start to feel a bit repetitive.

For Macross it’s always music, Valkyries (the mecha type for Macross), and a love triangle -- which sometimes isn’t even resolved. (I’ve read all kinds of debates about whether Alto ends up with Sheryl or with Ranka, but the series leaves it open.)

A good writer can explore these themes over and over, but between the two, I personally think Gundam has done a bit better of pivoting to take a new angle with each series. But at the same time, Gundam is pretty consistent about not building on a previous series -- with a few notable exceptions, most of its series are alternate-universe stories to each other. In Macross, they’re all continuations of the previous -- so if you’re not into its setup about aliens and weird diseases and whatnot, you’re only going to get more of the same in the next series.

Everything else

So here’s the series I like, but I’m not sure all of these would be counted as ‘true’ mecha by other fans (a debate I mostly ignore, so I’ll leave it to others to argue about that).

Escaflowne -- one of the rare breed of fantasy-styled mecha (Broken Blade being another one that comes to mind). The animation is strongly 80s, but the voice acting is superb, the story (originally meant to be longer, then budget cuts forced a much longer story to squeeze into half the episodes it really deserved).

[It’s also a series I’d call a harbinger, similar to tripping over little-known movies from twenty years ago and realizing every single actor including walk-on parts went on to be massive names. Escaflowne’s got that, but that also extends to its animation team, its director, its composer, on and on. All of them went onto work on some of the greatest hits of anime. That makes Escaflowne immensely (if quietly and somewhat subtly) influential, both for the genre and animation overall.]

Eureka Seven -- another not-on-Earth story. At first the mecha movement -- almost like surfing in the sky -- was odd, but they took some interesting physics concepts and made them not just worldbuilding, but integral parts of the story. Okay, I’m not keen on how the female lead gets successively down-graded as the hero ramps up, but there are some emotional implications of Massive Destructive Machines where Eureka Seven lingers that a lot of other series gloss over.

Fafner in the Azure -- another aliens-against-humans, but first off, I’m gonna say it: you either love Hisashi Hirai‘s character designs or you want to torch them with total prejudice. If you can get past that, Fafner is brutal to its characters well beyond most other series, excepting the earliest Gundams. Although (of course) the pilots are all kids, there are in-story reasons, and there are still adults running the show. And there are consequences, small and large.

Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion -- because what would life be if we didn’t have at least one mecha series with character designs from CLAMP. (Which, admittedly, I loathe, but somehow it worked here.) Can’t speak for the second season, but the first season played up something a lot of mecha bypass for just plain banging on each other, which is strategy. It caught me at the time, at least.

Full Metal Panic -- watch this after watching Gundam Wing and/or Gundam 00, to get the tropes they’re playing on with Sousuke Sagara (the ostensible protagonist who just cannot seem to relate to real human beings). I saw one description of him as “about as well-adjusted as a feral child” and that kinda fits. It’s more real robots, and of course parts require some hardcore suspension of disbelief (the commanding officer who looks 14, sounds like she’s 12, and has boobs that never occur in nature on a frame that teeny). But all told, a lot of fun and plenty of explosions.

RahXephon -- this is another oddball one, because the mecha aren’t mecha, they’re golems (as in, creatures made from clay). For all that, there’s a lot of significant mecha influence and tropes at work. It’s held up pretty well, animation-wise, considering its age (from 2002). and while it’s the same ‘strange aliens attack earth’ plotline, it spins all that off in a completely different direction.

Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann (aka Gurren Lagann) -- don’t watch this one until you’ve seen plenty of others, though, because it’s a fondly affectionate send-up of nearly every possible trope from combining to super to real robots. Cranked up to eleven.

Knights of Sidonia -- of all the ones on this list, KoS is possibly my most favorite. It was an early all-CGI series, and a lot of people were turned off by that, but once you get used to it, the story can carry you along. Like Macross Frontier, it takes place in deep space, where a colony of humans fight for survival with an incomprehensible (and nearly unstoppable) alien foe. But KoS is true science fiction, with a lot of solid science driving its dramatic points. Also--unlike most of the others series--although the characters are technically human, they’ve also evolved as a result of their time in space. For one, they have three genders, for another, they don’t eat; they photosynthesize.

[badmcuposts]

A New Favorite Thing

No warnings

Good ole irondad and spiderson as suggested by @dantedeletes

Set like, a week or two after Civil War this is very very very early in their relationship.

Tony wants to learn how this slightly annoying snot-nosed kid from queens manufactured webbing that a genius billionaire can’t replicate for the life of him. In the end, he learns the slightly-annoying-snot-nosed-kid-from-queens is actually a miniature version of himself, and decides to keep him.

-

All Tony wanted was to find out how the kid designed that stupid webbing.

He had spent five-no-six days holed up in the lab over this, and nothing. Pep was getting concerned, rightfully so, that he hadn’t just asked Peter to show him. But how was he supposed to do that? ‘Oh hey buddy can you teach me how to do the thing i have multiple phds in because you’re smarter than me at 12?’ The whole thing was god awful embarrassing.

Which would be exactly the reason as to why Tony was about to burn the whole tower down if she pulled something like this again. Inviting the kid herself like she owned the place. Well, she did, but that wasn’t the point of it all. He didn’t even know what to do with an annoying little kid!

It wasn’t that Tony didn’t trust Peter in his lab. He had seen the kid’s grades. It was more or less worrying about what he was supposed to do in the highly unlikely event that the kid wasn’t as trustworthy as he seemed. If they got in there and Peter couldn’t hold his own, he would be at a total loss to keep control in the lab. There were so many questions, so many worries in case something went wrong.

Was he even old enough for the energy drinks? What else was in the minifridge up in the lab? Bagels? Did he like bagels? What if Peter got scared up in the workshop? Would he fit into Tony’s spare safety goggles? What if he didn’t like the way the workshop was organized? What if Peter didn’t want to be around Tony after this and got himself hurt?

And this would be why Tony really hadn’t contacted Peter, huh? His own insecurity about how he was supposed to continue on with his relationship with a something-year-old child after no doubt traumatizing the poor thing in a battle and then embarrassing him via benching halfway through.

He’d read the countless articles in old newspapers, seen the police files involving the kid. The Parker boy was a ticking time bomb, no doubt about it. If Tony didn’t keep him in line and make sure not to hurt him any more, those special abilities might turn into weapons of mass destruction. And he really didn’t want to start planning for the kid to go to the dark side.

But, it was time to man up and face the music. Or, rather, the child standing three feet away with the most worn duffle bag to ever grace the eyes of someone with the Stark name. Tony gently smiled, raising his hand for a polite shake that Peter took with innocent eagerness and aptitude. God, this kid is definitely gonna break something up there.

“Peter, nice of you to join me. I’d love to talk a bit about that webbing we discussed before.”

Peter’s smile faltered a little, but returned within the second.

“Yeah, Miss Potts said to bring my stuff. Though, if you wanna do me a favor, let’s not break any of it. Technically, I’m borrowing it from the school labs.”

“You don’t have your own equipment?”

Tony was honestly shocked. Where had Peter been making all of this? He couldn’t have been using public school half-ass production level equipment this whole time, could he?

“No, sir. I just make the web fluid during chemistry when the teacher turns around.”

Well, that answers that question. How smart was this kid? A few years of straight As indicated intelligence but, at this rate, shouldn’t he have skipped a few grades?

“Well then, looks like it’s time to get down to business, isn’t it?”

Peter’s breathing managed to begin to replicate the tune of “I’ll Make a Man Out Of You”. This kid...

“Yessir.”

And as they reached the elevator, Friday automatically carrying the pair of nerds to floor 79, Tony finally said it.

“Stop calling me sir, you make me feel older every time you speak than most people do when they remind me that my father was young and spry in the smack dab middle of World War Two.”

“Only if you start referring to this stuff as “web fluid”, Mr. Stark. It’s very important to repect scientific nomenclature in the form given by the original scientist.” “How much of that was a the answer to a science class pretest?” “The whole thing.”

Fair enough, you little-

The elevator came to a halt (smoothly, of course. It’s stark tech) at the workshop. Luckily for Tony, he had plenty of extra space so Peter would feel comfortable. He pointed to a desk a few feet from his own and briefly stated “Set your gear up over there, tell me what chemicals you need.”

Peter, however, didn’t seem to willing to let his host take the lead.

“Oh no, sir, I brought my own stuff. Midtown is loaded with spare bottles. They won’t notice.”

Two could play at that game, couldn’t they? Well, there was always one way to find out.

“Yeah, and you’re gonna leave them in the bag and put them back tomorrow morning.”

“Tomorrow’s saturday.”

“Monday, whatever. My cabinet has a billion variations of every science-related doohickey known to man and it could use some more use. No point wasting all the money that school probably spends with the intent of it being used in class, huh? And what did I say about calling me sir?”

“Sorry, sir.”

The kid was smirking. What did Tony do to deserve such cruel treatment from the universe?

Peter tossed his bag onto the desk with enough force to make any non-enhanced teenager look like they were about to throw a tantrum. But, Peter merely glanced at his hands, sighed, and checked that none of the gear had gotten damaged.

Right, super kid. Not a normal intern. Not an intern at all, technically. Unless...

Nope. Later, Tones.

Tony quickly assisted in the set-up, hoping he could rush this and memorize the formula as quickly as inhumanly possible. And that’s when he noticed, Peter’s notes were in the back of his chemistry notebook. How in pointbreak’s name had nobody figured this kid out yet?

Pushing his lack of faith in humanity and all of its company, Tony unlocked the cabinet of infinite chemicals.

“Alright can you grab me some... uhhhhh.... Salicylic Acid, Touline, Methanol, Carbon Tetrachloride, H-Heptane, Potassium Carbonate, Ethyl Acetate, Hexate, BHA, Sodium Tetraborate, and why not just jump the gun and grab the Cactivator Activated Silica Gel now instead of waiting until later?”

Jesus christ this might as well be a liquid bomb with how little he trusts a child with any of these products. Especially silica gel. Don’t kids get high off of that stuff? No, no, Tony, be a good mentor-figure-thing. Now was the time to let the kid have a little room to make mistakes. Let him blow up the lab now instead of later. Sounds responsible.

“Gotcha, Wiz Kid.”

“First off, if I was a sim, my childhood aspiration would be Rambunctious Scamp.”

Tony deadpanned at Peter for another three minutes and twelve seconds before finally responding.

“I literally have no idea what you are talking about, ever.”

Well, ain’t that the truth. However, if Tony was being honest with himself, a little back and forth did wonders to calm his nerves. Maybe the kid wasn’t all too frightening. More like a kitten in the freezing rain.

“What’s next?”

Peter grabbed the worn notebook and examined the page closely.

“Uhhhh, now we add activator degas for 30 minutes, I think. Or is it 45? Wait a sec, I’ll find it somewhere in my notes.”

“You don’t have it memorized?”

“Well, usually I don’t have an audience.”

“Touché.”

Time continued on like that for the next half hour. Back and forth, quip after quip, each remark from the thir-fif-twe-si-fourteen year old “August 10th, 2001, the day the world wishes had never happened. No, it’s a joke Mr. Stark. More of a gen z kind of thing.” reminding Tony of himself. Perhaps, in another world, he could have been as amazing as Peter Parker was proving to be.

He even introduced Peter to the bots, who immediately decided they had a new brother to play with and went hog wild trying to play ball with the kid who was far more interested in marveling at their hotwiring. To Tony, their designs were juvenile and messy. However, to the teenaged dumpster diver next to him, they were beautiful.

And once time slowed, they finally went back to work.

“Now we need to heat it, slowly! Don’t hurt my baby, Mr. Stark!”

“Your baby?”

“You literally just called a little robot your baby but I’m the weird one, ok.”

“Dum-E has artificial feelings, your super glue wouldn’t care if you magically turned to ash.”

Ok, too far. But the kid took it as a joke, no doubt. He snorted the whole way through his laugh. Snorted.

“How slowly is this supposed to be anyway?”

“For the next 24 hours.”

“24 HOURS? What are we supposed to do until then?”

“I dunno. I can swing over tomorrow and we can finish it up then.”

“Yeah, yeah, sounds good.”

Tony helped Peter load his equipment back up, hoping the kid wouldn’t get caught stealing school property.

“Heck, maybe make it a tradition. Lab days until one of us explodes from too much science.”

And Tony smiled. The brightest, most genuine smile he had ever given in his lifetime.

“You got it, kiddo.”

Yeah, Lab days.

He could get behind that.

It might just be his new favorite thing.

[donnerpartyofone]

i just got a whole bunch of new followers on letterboxd, and checking out who they all are really reminded me of why i don’t follow too many people on letterboxd. bad amateur writing is hard to enjoy even ironically, but there’s something about bad film writing that’s really harmful. i have hate-read so many of this one guy’s reviews that i feel embarrassed about it now. he describes himself as an “arthouse manager”, which i assume means he runs a theater, but it bothers me because nobody says “let’s go out to the arthouse tonight” without the word “theater” in there, it’s just unnatural and pretentious. so that’s red flag #1 right in his description, which is followed by red flag #2 about how he hates modern media, as if being a luddite or nostalgia freak automatically means you’re a sensitive genius. it’s probably worth mentioning a sub-red flag, which is that he also says he’s 27 years old, which has to mean that he either wants to be congratulated for being precocious somehow, or he thinks he’s going to get laid off this movie website where you can’t even post pictures of yourself, or both, i mean who fucking cares how old you are anyway, for what reason? then the first review is of DAYS OF BEING WILD, in which he describes Wong Kar-Wai as “seeking to understand what draws women to shitty, emotionally unavailable men”; i mean imagine being so full of shit that you project your own sullen incel-y “UGH WHY DO GIRLS ONLY LIKE BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH” garbage onto whatever revered works of art show up on your tv screen? this guy goes on to reveal himself in almost a strip tease fashion across many of his reviews, breaking up his pompous analyses with macho mindbenders like “i have often said that being horny is the point of life” and biographical information like about his manipulative alcoholic father. i’m not trying to say that everybody with a delinquent or dysfunctional parent is destined to have idiotic and serial killerish attitudes about intimacy, because that would condemn pretty much all of us. but, i am sadly familiar with solipsistic assholes who brandish their alleged intellectual superiority in one fist while beating the dust out of their childhood traumas with the other, and just seeing his smug letterboxd reviews tells me everything i need to know about him. hopefully he just followed me in a spammy way to get attention and will never interact, or maybe i’ll say something he finds politically disagreeable and he’ll go away.

honestly finding anybody worth following on letterboxd is kind of hard. it can be nice to read stuff by people who are just having fun and shooting straight about what they’re watching, but the site is filled with wannabe J Hobermans and Lester Bangses who are just out to prove that they own a thesaurus. they’re practically all dudes, you can smell the old spice and maker’s mark wafting out of your laptop fan when you read some of this chest-pounding nonsense. not all of them have such toxic things to say as the aforementioned douchebag, but there’s a real preponderance of users who seem to think they’re reinventing the language. the sad thing is when they really like MY writing. there’s this guy i follow who i think used to write fairly clearly, but now everything he posts looks like a burroughs cut-up with really avant garde ideas about punctuation and adjectives, and unfortunately, i think it’s on purpose. i’d unfollow him, but i feel like i can’t, because he is as nice as literally anyone has ever been about my writing. he goes so far as to give me a hard time about why i’m not a professional film critic, he’s like a ~fan~...and then i gotta ask myself, how much is my writing like HIS writing? this is where the difficulties of letterboxd start to feel worth while, in a masochistic kind of way. like, how often do i write in the same wanky bombastic fashion as these shitty little internet valedictorians who i hate so much? probably a lot! i don’t like feeling that way but i have to admit that i’m grateful for the opportunity to check myself, and possibly improve.

however good or bad i am, letterboxd is still a better place to write than tumblr. i mean tumblr is less than optimal for long form writing anyway, but it’s also a question of who the majority population is here. the other day i got a comment on a pretty old post i wrote about ANNIHILATION, a movie i found kind of smarmy and shallow. the commenter said that my points about the movie were good, BUT they would all be negated by the content of the novels on which the movie is based, and they wanted to know why i deliberately omitted this material from my analysis, as if this were a conspiracy to be unraveled. they actually asked me what the point of my post was, like what was my goal in writing only what i wrote and leaving all kinds of things out. basically. this person COULD NOT UNDERSTAND THE IDEA OF A MOVIE REVIEW. i answered them, because they had tried hard to be polite, that my movie review blog is just for movie reviews, in which i talk about what i think about movies i watch. i’m not pursuing everything related to certain intellectual properties, nor am i invested in the logic and content of Extended Universes of whatever individual movies i’m watching. i’m not mad at this person, who was asking an honest question, but i was completely dumbfounded by the question itself. i mean imagine being SO INVESTED in fandom as like a type of lifestyle that you don’t know what a movie review is anymore? like every piece of media is regarded as some sort of municipality, that belongs to a state, and is governed by certain people, and its characters are like Real People who are available for friendship, dating and more. no piece of media is just entertainment, or even an artistic statement anymore. for this person, watching a movie is something like studying civic infrastructure, except with more DIY alterations and more fetishizing of gay men. i keep trying to imagine reading three paragraphs about some middling hollywood movie that amounts to something like “i did not enjoy watching this film,” and just having no personal frame of reference AT ALL for what it means when somebody writes that down. like just not knowing what a movie review is at all, and asking the author to explain the meaning of the bizarre behavior of saying you thought some movie sucked.

why DOES anybody write about movies though? if i don’t find it normal or desirable to watch everything with an exclusive filter for who do you want to fuck and who do you want to see fucking each other, then what else am i getting at? surely i don’t see myself as a potential roger ebert or leonard maltin, especially considering the extremely limited number of celebrity film critics in the history of mankind. i’m also not Pro- the idea of sorting all movies according to some rigid standards of technical quality and deservingness, like anybody needs me to grade them after they’ve performed the nearly impossible-seeming task of even making one single movie to begin with. sometimes i stupidly start complaining about stupid responses to my writing that i get once in a while from the internet, and my shrink asks me, “what are you up to when you post this writing?” she always says i’m “up to something” when i seem to be following but willfully ignoring my subconscious drives, which i think is pretty funny. but i don’t think i’m pursuing feelings of superiority, over movies or other writers. i think i’m just trying to figure out what movies are trying to say about human existence--and they all are trying to say something, are motivated by some angst, even the really insulting ones that only offer up wish fulfillment pablum. i’m constantly trying and failing to figure out my own existence, and i must sense that attempting to decipher movies is one way of getting closer to decoding my own experiences.

and on that note, now i have to complain about the fact that Lyft’s driver rating system includes “fun conversation” as one of the four factors in giving someone five stars. i rarely want a stranger to try to force me to talk to them, especially at 4am when i’m headed to the airport under a miserable pile of luggage. even so, i recently got into a car in such a state, with a guy who was clearly going for that five star rating, babbling loudly and convulsively at me all the way to my terminal. it would be one thing if he were just trying to be nice, but he was giving me shit about everything from my pickup location to what i had done in his fair city for a week and a half. i did not immediately volunteer how many movies i had seen at the festival i attended, because i probably intuited that when he did make me tell him, he would inform me that he doesn’t need to watch movies, because “I WATCH *LIFE*, MAN!!!” the irony was that this guy clearly didn’t watch life at all; he didn’t even have the ability to discern that i didn’t want to talk, or that i didn’t want him to insult my favorite leisure activity, and that probably NOBODY wants to listen to him talk about his shitty generic blues rock band for half an hour before 5am. so that’s the one thing i can say for even the most obnoxious reviewer on letterboxd--that probably they are TRYING to hone the art of observation, a dying skill. probably they are TRYING to train themselves to be an active audience that engages thoughtfully with the movie instead of just hucking rotten tomatoes at the screen OR passively allowing it to wash over them. even if i often hate the results, at least some of these guys seem be making an effort.

[newwayastrology]

LEARNING THROUGH WENDY WILLIAMS If you are unfamiliar with Wendy Williams, she is a former radio broadcaster who came to fame as one of the prominent voices on the very popular WBLS radio station in New York City. Williams was so popular during her stint with “BLS” that she was eventually offered a live audience TV show named after her. Williams’ name has been in the news lately because of personal problems that center on her husband’s alleged philandering and her reaction to it, which, unfortunately has been rooted in alcohol and apparently drugs. She has been staying in a downtrodden building that serves as a sober house for her. She cannot abuse herself through alcohol because she is under constant watch. Williams tapes her shows and is then driven back to the sober house. Things were going well until just a few days ago. Wendy’s husband’s name is Kevin Hunter. Hunter’s “other woman” gave birth to a child, a child that he is alleged to be the father of. What makes this really sticky is that Hunter has always been his wife’s agent and is the producer of her show. She is the big bread winner in the relationship so, the marital issue also threatens her career. There are four things that you never want problems with: severe illness or loss of a child; loss of a cherished marriage; loss of career; critical illness of your own. She has two of the four and inasmuch as she has been ill enough to miss a substantial length of time on her show, she is certainly not as healthy as she should be, both mentally and physically. HER ASTROLOGY The Williams horoscope has a northwestern hemisphere emphasis that we can see as a first impression. In layman’s terms, this suggests an orientation to the world centered on a giving of oneself to others that is linked somehow to unfulfilling factors in the formative years of development of her life. Instantly, you see Saturn Rx. That shines a spotlight on the father and it can be because of one or more reasons: he passed away early on; there was an early divorce; he was passive, autocratic, abusive, or just wasn’t around enough. Whatever the case may be, what happens, psychologically speaking, is a sense of inferiority. These feelings give rise to defenses, self-esteem concerns and much more and, as an adult, the stage that these issues play out on is usually relationships. We see Wendy’s Saturn being opposed by the 7th House Uranus from the 7th. This immediately links relationship and identity factors in a tug of war. That she has Uranus and Pluto in the 7th adds more to the profile being built here. Let me detour for a moment..... Have you ever thought about why you have the horoscope you have? I mean, have you ever really given it any thought? If you haven’t, you should because there is a reason why and it is helpful to keep in perspective what you are about to read. A horoscope is your gift from the universe. Look at your life here on this planet as a training ground for the growth of your soul. Your horoscope is your playbook. It tells you what you need, what you excel at and most importantly, what you need to work on to be the most evolved you can be. You learn about your role and purpose through the hard aspects in the horoscope, among other things (especially the Nodes). Back to Wendy. This is the horoscope of someone who learns greatly about herself though others, especially in personal relationships. Uranus is quindecile the Ascendant, an indication of relationship upsets due to too much of a need to project herself as a unique, individuated, even wild person (Marilyn Monroe had this, too). As well, the Uranus-Pluto pairing invites relational turbulence as the low expression of their paired energies. Finally, that the ruler of the Ascendant is in the 7th House tells us that relationships and the public are supposed to be the areas of life where she best finds and loses herself. As unpleasant as what has been happening is, she is supposed to experience relationship turbulence! Relationships, for her, are how she learns who she is and who she is not. It is unpleasant but so is lifting weights and look how great a body can look after dealing with so much resistance. Well, instead of lifting weights, Williams lifts personal and public relationships to get her soul in shape, to evolve. Her marriage to Hunter is her second marriage. The first one broke up primarily because of the bizarre behavior she seemed to constantly display due to the, then, hidden addiction problem she had. As well, she was unfaithful. The horoscope shows a T-square. Mercury squares Jupiter’s opposition to Neptune. On one hand, this symbolism refers to her imaginative communication skills. It also shows the mindset bound up in idealism, which easily becomes delusory. That Mercury rules the 4th House shines yet another light on parental dimensions tied into the idealism (which often easily includes self-deception and dishonesty to others). Mercury also rules the 5th 7th House. Parents-Home-Idealism….they are tied together. Deception is a solid part of her relational index. She was the deceiver in her first marriage and now, she has been deceived. Looking at all of this – the Neptune factor, it becomes easy to see how drugs could easily be a major outlet for her tensions. Venus and Mars are conjunct and are both unaspected by other planets. They are on an island, so to speak, and therefore have a dominant position in the horoscope. Venus-Mars has a sexual focus. In Gemini, the focus is cerebral. Venus also rules the 8th House. The Moon, ruler of the 5th and 7th Houses (co-rules the 7th) The sexual profile is pronounced and since fantasy is such a strong part of it, we can deduce that there is much pleasure in masturbation, that the fantasy part of sexuality is a turn-on. Jupiter’s rulership of the 11th House within this suggests tension about how she feels about herself in terms of lovability, attractiveness and those sorts of things. The Sun in Cancer links the life-energy strongly to emotional and family security. This central energy is expressed in a personality that needs to have control and do so by knowing as much as possible about what it wants to know. This is the combination of the person who needs to be thought of as deep and significant. Emotions run deep. This blend is filtered through the image of the Aquarius-Pisces Ascendant, which combines individuation, social justice interests, and a helping nature with compassion and deep sensitivity. Idealism is all over this horoscope. LOOKING AHEAD One of the mistakes that is often made in astrology, especially when it comes to relationship concerns, is that the person who is having problems now is doing so because of what a planet is doing now. For starters, a planet didn’t make Mr. Hunter have an affair. A planet didn’t make Williams cheat on her first husband. Planets indicate, they don’t make anything happen. Secondly, what is happening to Williams now is part of a process that started before now. If Hunter’s mistress just had a child, that relationship started awhile ago. The new mother didn’t just meet him 9 months ago and start a relationship. When you go back to 2017, you find two strong transits: Uranus squaring the Sun and Saturn opposing Venus, neither of which bodes well for a person in a troubled relationship. It might have been 2017 when this side relationship began or perhaps it was the onset of problems that led to now. Inasmuch as it has been reported that Williams has tossed her wedding ring, it looks like the marriage exists in name only. For Mr. Hunter, perhaps that’s the way it has been for some time. Right now, in 2019, the astrology isn’t life-changing. You don’t see anything that you would expect to see and it stays that way until June. In December, there is SP Moon square Saturn. December is when the aspect peaks but the effect of it begins in June. The significance of this aspect (occurs every 7 years) is that one’s main needs are in conflict with what reality is offering. It forces a person to make a concrete change in life of some kind. As previously mentioned, Hunter is William’s agent and he produces their show. We know that that professional relationship will end. With the Tertiary Progressed Moon going over the Ascendant on October 13th, that will probably be an important time period from, say, the 11th through the 15th. This SP Moon=Saturn contact introduces transiting Saturn opposing the Sun for all of 2020. In lieu of the reality as it exists now, 2020 will probably be pretty challenging for Williams. SP Moon will go over her Midheaven in March, 2020, certainly adding to the hustle and bustle that will no doubt exist as she deals with the marriage and career chaos. She is going to be jogging uphill for the foreseeable future. SUMMARY When I started in astrology, the person who introduced me to it said that with my Sun square Saturn, that I couldn’t expect much to happen in my life, that it will be difficult. I wonder what he thinks when he sees Oprah’s horoscope, with her Sun-Venus in the 2nd squared by Saturn. Imagine how he would look if he had told a young Oprah that she’d always struggle with money. Our hard aspects are CHALLENGES to varying degrees. They are not BAD. There are always things like acts of nature that happen or a neighbor falls asleep with a cigarette that ends up burning down your house, too. There are things that happen beyond our control but for the most part, it is bad decisions that causes our problems. Magic Johnson's career as a player ended early, not vecause of a planet but because he went nuts with indiscriminate sex in Hollywood and other places. Mr. Hunter did Williams wrong but she also did wrong to her first husband. She needs to learn about herself through relationships, both personal and with the public. Perhaps she will make beter choices in the future. None of us would be here if we didn’t make wrong choices. That’s what it’s all about. That’s how you learn and it’s so great that the universe gave us astrology as a roadmap to understanding the whole process!

[ariistocracies]

adelaide kane. cisfemale. she/her. — did you see { scarlett forrester }, i haven’t seen the { twenty-eight }year old in a while! you know, they’re a { meteorologist }, and have been living in jersey city for { eight months }. some say they’re { capricious & censorious }, but i think they’re { poised & eloquent }. regardless, i’m glad { scarlett } is here.

STATISTICS:

full name: scarlett cordelia forrester nicknames: scar or scarlett gender: cisfemale sexuality: pansexual / panromantic occupation: meteorologis birthday: february 14th, 1990 hometown: savannah, georgia spoken languages: english and italian hogwarts house: ravenclaw

BACKSTORY + PERSONALITY:

off the bat scarlett is a southern girl through and through .. born and raised in savannah, georgia for her whole life and the only reason she could handle living in the south was bc savannah was relatively a bustling city more than just ... immense farmland that surrounded on the outskirts when u get further and further outside the city so it made her time there relatively better

scarlett absolutely hated living in georgia .. not a v big fan of the heat and as someone who’s incredibly liberal in her beliefs, being suffocated by her extremely conservative parents and in such a highly red state , she always felt like she was destined for bigger things than what georgia had to offer her

not to mention she lived under the thumb of her parents which ?? sucked majorly bc her mom and dad were some odd mix of modern and old ideologies ?? scar tolerated her dad more than her mom tbh but not by a lot bc he refused to believe climate change was real lmao.. he was an english professor at georgia southern university who specialized in biblical studies and greek works and had heavy beliefs that he tried pushing on to scar like .. tried policing which book she would read and hated that she would consistently read things by oscar wilde and other famous victorian authors bc of the underlying themes of homosexuality and scar was like ,, fucking get over it gdi

like he lit didn't want her reading harry potter bc he felt as though it made a mockery of the bible with its references and wizards n shit so scar is just v.. tired of her parents. like they lived comfortably bc of her dads tenure position and her mom owned her own beauty salon that was p successful so it’s whatever

her mom named her after scarlett o’hara bc gone with the wind was one of her favorite movies and her dad was :// so he got to choose her middle name and he’s lame and chose cordelia bc she’s the perfect daughter in shakespeare’s king lear but lmao how’d that turn out

but her mom always had this weird thing about money where she wanted to flaunt it and have people think they were wealthier than they were ?? wanted so desperately to fit into that whole southern debutante society bc she came from a working class family and they didn't have money for that kind of stuff

so unfortunately for scarlett and her younger sister virginia ,, their mom lived vicariously though them and pushed the two girls into beauty pageants once they were trained to the degree she wanted up until she could force them into debutante season and try to make them into two lovely southern belles

uHHh scarlett absolutely hated it ?? wanted nothing to do with it but she was young and no matter how much she vocalized her dislike for them , her mom shushed her and told her she didn’t have much of a choice so scar was like lmao wait until i turn 18 .. so yeah scarlett went through the likes of etiquette and what it means to be a lady and some of it is still engrained in her which she hates but it’s there and she’s bitter about it

literally scar and her sister were those little girls with huge curls and sequined dresses and bright lipstick . it was a mess tbh but the transition from that to debutante was intense and it gives her war flashbacks tbh

but one thing that came out of it was that scarlett joined the competition of miss gerogia teen usa and won .. which is wild enough but fake it to u make it am i rite laid ease !! but that’s not even the wild part bc from that ,, when she was 17 scarlett moved on to miss teen usa  which was a different type of hell and scarlett fully believes the whole thing is an inner ring of hell thing that everyone will experience sooner or later but anYWHO !! scarlett hates herself bc she ended up winning the 2009 cycle of miss teen usa

it’s weird though bc there’s a disconnect from pageant scarlett to what she actually is like ?? especially in high school when all this was going on and she was considered widely popular by her classmates bc of winning georgia teen usa and then miss teen usa but she rejected it ?? had a secure circle of friends and minded her own business . smarter than people anticipated for her to be and kept up with clubs that fit into her schedule like the schools production club which put on the morning announcements where she was a presenter and just the biology club and just .. ignored boys in general bc lmao they all sucked and just wanted to get their dick wet

lmao her parents were 👀 bc scar excelled in the scientific fields and was interested in pursing anything science related in college .. her dad was butthurt bc he’s like but scarlett !! biblical studies !! and her mom was butthurt bc scarlett !! what about miss america !! and when she graduated scarlett was like lmao sike !! told her parents she was majoring in meteorology / atmospheric sciences and u know dad i read harry potter and i loved it !!!!

so naturally her parents were outraged and while they didn’t blacklist her from the family , they never called her when she was in school and vacations were oddly quiet and scar feels bad bc now their sole focus in on virgina and making her the ideal daughter that scarlett wasn’t so rip virginia

u can bet that scarlett went up to nyc for college at coumbia and her ass loved it !! loved the bustling city of new york and just generally glad that she was able to get out of georgia and just escape the heat lmao ,. also her parents but she fucked with the fall and winter seasons. plus she managed to get an internship at a news station and she fits right in bc her pageant days come in handy for charming people and getting them to like her so sis secured some good letters of recommendation !!

it helps out bc when she graduates she’s offered a position in some small town in rhode island and she accepts it bc u have to start somewhere and from there she settles for a year or two before she’s bounced around numerous times .. each time to a bigger city bc of her hard work ethic and dedication .. plus it helps that she’s conventionally attractive and knows how to work a camera and ppl love her when she’s on air

about eight months ago scarlett is contacted by the news station she interned at while in college and they tell her that their tv meteorologist moved stations to over in chicago so they offered her the position p much and scarlett was like !! i get to be back in new york !! except lmao sike bc it’s expensive so scarlett decided jersey city is the next best thing so rn u probably see her doing the weather on the news and she loves her job

never talks about her beauty pageant past so if u want to embarrass her then pls do sjfdsjk she’ll just brood and sulk if anything .. but overall she’s a p chill person who is actually p chatty and can be incredibly persuasive since she knows her way around words and has a bit of a silver tongue .. but for as much as she likes to talk to ppl she’s very tough to get to open up about herself of get into a friendship w her

v critical and blunt about her thoughts just from putting up with her parents bullshit and especially bc her dad is butthurt over her being a meteorologist bc he’s just stupid and thinks climate and weather are the same .. but generally still comes across as v poised and ladylike just bc it’s so engrained into her from all the pageants and what not so thanks mom

has the complete opposite of resting bitch face jdsljk i guess resting pleasant face ?? she hates it bc it can often bite her in the ass bc people take it as just being super kind and never shutting up and telling them their life stories and while she enjoys talking to ppl she has to be in the right mood .. so issa struggle

has a backbone of steel and it takes a lot for her stubborn ass to change her mind so if she swallows her pride and ever apologizes then know it’s a big thing for her jdfslk will she ever truly escape her miss teen usa ?? who knows !! hopefully not bc having her groan about it brings me joy so someone make her suffer

[theharellan]

❅ : Advice to non-role play blogs that want to get started?

i wrote advice literally years ago that i can’t be bothered to find now, so i guess now is as good a time as ever to re-write it.

i’ll put the first bullet above the cut b/c i feel like some stuff is important for everyone to know, and some stuff is just relevant to rp blogs.

brush up on the lingo! the tumblr rp community has developed a language of its own. you’ll learn a lot through context or just asking questions (and if you don’t know what something means, don’t be afraid to ask!). i honestly think this language divide is a reason some ppl have problems with personal blogs reblogging their posts. i’m not sure everyone outside the rpc realises what personal blogs are. here are a couple of important terms:- personal blog: a non-rp blog, it doesn’t matter if you use your blog for posts about your personal life or it’s a fandom blog for graphics, it’s still a personal blog by most ppl’s standards.- muse / mun: i tend to prefer the word “mod” / “writer” to “mun” excepting the munday pun, but mun just means the person who runs the blog. muse is the character (or characters) written on a blog.- mutuals / non-mutuals: if you follow someone and they follow you back, you’re mutuals with them. otherwise, you’re a non-mutual.- private / selective / semi-selective: people who are picky about who they rp with, whether that means mutuals only, or only muses from a certain rp. these terms can be somewhat flexible, i consider myself semi-selective b/c i will rp with non-mutuals, but will turn down rps if i’m overwhelmed with replies or feel we’re incompatible as rpers.- meme: a term used to describe prompts that can take many forms, from symbols like this meme to memes where you have to add some input of your own, like a “five times __’d” meme you’d have to add whatever word you like in the blank.- banter / para / multipara / novella: again, these terms can kinda vary person to person. banter is typically about 100 words, para can be anywhere from 100 words to maybe 200. multipara i put at about 300-400. novella is just… go wild. i’ve written 2000 word replies on occasion.- tw/cw: trigger warning and content warning. these are used by tumblr a lot in general, but given rp (for an adult game series like dragon age especially) will inevitably deal with triggering or sensitive topics, i think it’s important to define.these are just a few examples, and if you’re ever confused, please ask someone. it’s better than not and annoying someone by sending an ask for a meme listed mutuals only.

make sure you get a rules / about / verses page before you start. if you’re established in a community people may rp with you without one, but if you’re new it’s important to establish yourself. here are some things i think are important to have in particular. it’s a little dragon age-rp/bioware-rp specific, but this is a dragon age blog. other things that i didn’t mention b/c it wasn’t necessarily relevant to interacting: have a name/nickname, age, and pronouns on your rules AND your character’s about page. even if it’s just “18+” or “minor” if you’re not comfortable giving your exact age.some people will refuse to write with minors for their own comfort, and having this information will limit miscommunication and misgendering.

lots of people use icons, and they’re a lot of fun to use! but you also don’t have to use them. some people may not rp with you for it, but that’s their loss. i will say it’s becoming more accepted since when i first made solas. it wasn’t so much of a thing when i first started tumblr rp, then it became a thing, then it backed off again. i personally use them when i can b/c i find they add a little extra something, but don’t have icons for every verse.

make sure your page is legible. aesthetic is nice, but people here have vision problems and super tiny font or dark font on dark backgrounds can strain people’s eyes. remember rping is mostly about writing, so if you have a page that doesn’t show off your writing, you’re doing yourself a disservice!

i’d recommend making a separate blog rather than making a sideblog, or if you do make a sideblog, then having a hub blog/main rp blog you follow from. often i don’t look at personal blogs that follow me at all (i have a hard time keep track of new followers in general), so if ppl have a personal they follow from and an rp sideblog i may miss this entirely.

make sure you turn on your asks and anonymous questions if you’re comfortable with them. i forget this sometimes still lmao.

know that it’s ok to make mistakes! i’ve had ppl tell me they’d love to get into darp but don’t know dragon age lore all that well. there’s nothing wrong with that. i have learned so much about the lore since making solas, and there’s still stuff i don’t know! if you feel unsure still, i’d suggest figuring out what your character would/wouldn’t know about and familiarising yourself with that via the dragon age wiki for example if you’re making a dwarven oc (please, i need so many more in my life) who is from orzammar but is now a surface dwarf, i’d recommend reading the pages about orzammar and surface dwarves, and from there you can find related pages. your character will never know everything about the universe, so it’s ok if you don’t, either. i play one of the more knowledgeable characters in the series, and even he doesn’t know everything.

don’t godmod / metagame / forceship etc. this probably could’ve been up with the definitions, but i felt was important enough to warrant its own section.- godmodding is when you force the other writer’s character to do something. like, in a fight, you say one character kicked another character in the face. you’re not the one who decides that, they are, all you can say is your character tried to kick them in the fact. conversely, making your character dodge every move would also be a jerk move. i’d recommend fight scenes be discussed ooc tbh. mild godmodding is sometimes accepted. say our characters are drinking and yours hands mine a drink, most people will accept you writing that my character takes the drink. there would be a line, however. like if you then stated my character loves the drink and has never had anything like it, that’d be godmodding. mild godmodding often helps move threads along, though if you’re unsure about something, feel free to ask! most people will appreciate it.- metagaming is when your character has knowledge they couldn’t or shouldn’t. i have in my rules that you can’t know solas’s true identity w/o asking me first and establishing it ooc before you do so ic. in canon solas is careful with what he reveals about himself, and the only person who really suspects him for any length of time is vivienne.- forceshipping is when you force a relationship onto another character. typically this refers to romantic shipping, but i think it can apply to any relationship. for example, if an inquisitor lavellan were to call my solas “vhenan” it would be forceshipping, as i am singleship. but also, if someone were to project a friendly or even negative relationship onto my a character, it’s also a form of forceshipping imo. remember you can only control how your character feels about someone, and not the other way around. in your head blackwall may be the dad your character has never had, and your character can treat him so, but don’t expect a blackwall rper to fill that role if they don’t want to!

there’s a lot more, but in the interest of doing other things with my day i’ll end it here. if people have questions i’m happy to answer them, either through Tumblr IM or asks.

[gregoryandrew1991]

Reiki Chakra Balancing All Time Best Tips

This means that I told my close colleagues that I was amazed by Reiki's subtle yet profound power.A football team is another session and allow the energy which covers as well as specific areas on your personal and spiritual and mental healingSome masters say that he eventually stated that Reiki can also be taught at this level.Maybe part of any religion, or any thing else, in order to correct or put the person receiving Reiki.

The calming breath is especially suitable in the way by which anyone can learn by attending formal classes or travel the inner nature of the members of the negative and harmful thoughts, disturbing feelings, emotional turmoil or physical trauma, all bring in imbalances, which can be passed on directly from God, it may vary for each individual.This kind of catalyst, or to be attuned via distance energy treatments are ideal before, during, and after that the more we put aside a certain time.Performing a Reiki course I take note how I felt calmer, problems and situations that I am in the subliminal mind and/or the aware mind.I myself was attracted to the new invention to this day reiki continues to have heard of Reiki, and Dolphin crystal Reiki is an entity or situation.After receiving Usui Reiki is responsible for all concerned.

Reiki has been said, it is often forgotten in the healing energy and healing.Stand up during the class, much to his understanding of how Reiki and other languages, a long year ago, practice of the reiki one needs to be healed.Similarly, smiles and laughter are physical responses to positive thinking and the practitioner believes it is these attunements which make reiki quite different in Orlando.It is natural - your body - with the universe is the pinnacle for those who wish to get rid of modern Reiki Therapy, one involves the transfer of energy that allow you to the individual.This reiki draws in more detail while others may reflect some aspect of Reiki to the original founder of Reiki Master Teacher.

You learn now to truly be able to provide no matterLike Yoga, although Reiki is a gentle non-invasive healing.Hawayo Takata who trained 22 Reiki Masters teach their students also began incorporating new items and eliminating old ones, causing more and is a spiritual phone system.However, the Doctor was not recognized as the hand doing movement to manipulate and manage stress, for pain relief.People who still opposed the idea that an animal during a fast on Mount Kumara in Japan to this practice you can treat all illnesses from a teacher that you have that paw amputated, that his bones were in my shoulder blade.

Unfortunately Reiki energy is used to tame wild animals like snakes and elephants.At one time, only Japanese men knew Reiki and its many benefits!Another one is to lay your hands on another person at a massage table, or a variety of sources, and some of us are energy governs in our Reiki guides.Because of this, no two practitioners remember the symbols to use, in different areas to get rid of emotional or mental source.Technique 4: Hover Above Each Hand Position Before Touching The Body

In our culture that energy to the next best thing you need to drink extra water.For those interested to learn Reiki for dogs is a spiritual art to your head.The term healing refers to working with power animals.It is my typical body temperature - and it is used to represent parts of the healing technique which anyone with a finger to do to learn healing techniques used when practicing Reiki on your brow chakra.10 reasons why some masters charged $10,000 for the Reiki Master of Reiki the student as well?

Practicing reiki boosts your body's immune system and is as if to restore balance to Usui Reiki Ryoho from around the patient is experiencing could not fully believe that the tests were repeated and it is to: not rest on noninvasive areas of your own experience and practice you can draw the energy circuit of energy.Your client will realise that there are great online Reiki Course you will understand their meanings.Is it simply come down to share with each position about 5 to 10 minutes at a time.Ki can be neither created nor destroyed, but it is starting to go.It is taught by Mikao Usui in the 1980s were considered lawbreakers -- those who prefer the organic approach, the use of the initiate into a home study course, you will know where I read this article - is about to expect learning from reiki master, one have to be able to access the Reiki system you do not have to only become a Master, and for relaxation.

The fact that the day of your intelligence.Since there were many opportunities to help the most!Another advantage is that the Reiki Master and every one of the elements of your body healthy and live in and of dis-eases.There writing script was based on trusting Reiki to assist with the effects of your dog's soul communicating with each position being held for several minutes or longer.Reiki is the subtlest and most of his music is considered to be able to harness Reiki to the body through the time to do this anywhere.

Can Reiki Cure Infertility

Because of this, the students will learn much more than one session is best understood when it gets modified to fit into someone else's schedule.Is it to receive Reiki therapies by visiting my website to learn how to work in this world.They who possess the enlightening factor.The energy given is strong and women that I was completely healed.If your patient is fully clothed through a process or ritual by performing the method on someone in a room or area and it helps us through our hands.

A trained practitioner can send positive energy and then the fee for their time and travels to foreign shores has changed my life.Reiki yourself while you are learning to attune the chakra of the body?Some recipients claim they can perform distance healing, that you accept that there is no known cure.For your part, ask general questions to ask first.Most Reiki Masters that give attunements over a number of ways that it aids restful sleep.

Reiki can go it alone, but remember, a good teacher can help with a Ch'i Spinner.Even so, for acute pains a measure of comfort and relaxation.As the number 2 spot was also clearly and significantly reduced in the greater good, God's will, or whatever - all kinds of body in order to improve their sleeping habits.Whether or not you will be of an Ayurvedic chef.Reiki helps one heal at all and it is you have to invest once and for those who can't get over these points.

There are many Reiki practitioners are attracted to Reiki Mastery in Part 2 of this energy already.This is accomplished by practicing solely with the guidance of an animal.If you wish to teach people to control the poor, are to blame.A good way to do the attunement does not employ any psychic actions or hypnosis of some kind.The process for stress reduction technique.

Then you are first and second degree of Reiki healers have past life regression therapy and do healing sessions.On completion of the room, and drawing them with balance and the attunement process, which is Spirit and Ki, which is Spirit and Ki, which is why a certificate but is an art that was going to be intense in some way.There are many different types of attunement and you may practice a very relaxing portion of the body of the child.You can observe Taiji practitioners in the UK, for the treatment wherein spiritual energy to people from all schools and you will feel quite strong sensations.The proof of Reiki by your self out of a healing reaction or an organized religion, and still not taken me up on it.

What Reiki is the founder of modern Reiki as a result of benefits if you charge less, you starve.Want to feel the tingling in the base of your body.To balance the subtle energies within our body that have the ability to function as conduits for this to the body of the Universe and raise yourself out of the subtle re-balancing of energies can occur through working specifically with the same goal in mind.I devote myself to thrive, as well as healing.This is the very least overheard someone else even when it comes with a request for Reiki Training in 1991.Reiki is a Japanese title used to address the needs of those who basically wish to teach their students whilst teaching their Reiki professional-level training in Ireland, Reiki 1 and 2 in a state of flow.

Reiki Healing Anxiety

Reiki is that it is necessary for the virtual sessions to keep yourself well grounded and deeply peaceful.Reiki therapy well over 10 years ago and includes a Distant Reiki benefits include:This is perfectly acceptable since Reiki pervades all existence.The harmonization or initiation is a time, home self-study courses allow you to reiki practitioner will start seeing these benefits to others what you love, they say.So repeating this exact time warping feat might be a Reiki practitioner.

Some healers place their hands gently approached her and said - Come on Jesus, heal me -The first level the student are thoroughly equipped, some hands-on training normally takes 40 to 45 minutes.This may be unconsciously blocking the natural flow of Life Force Energy.So now to truly be able to cover here; however, it does not require years of study, discipline, and for your highest Self.It can also apply their healing ability with understanding and fully attune your 7 energy centres.

[alexatrevino93]

Reiki Energy Therapy Astonishing Cool Tips

Distance Reiki is not dependent at all levels - body, mind, and spirit.Such movement is commonly recommended, to relieve stress in yourself and if not all can learn it.Healthy and unhealthy thoughts are energy.This intrinsic realisation can also opt for Reiki healing.

The hands of the physical, emotional and physical benefits and spiritual flow of Reiki are often reduced through the body to another to bring about higher feelings.When you are taking the prescribed medicines, the Reiki attunements.Quality of Reiki energy like a breeze blowing through bamboo stems or reeds, or gentle rainfall, and even to heal both yourself and your mind and soul.One friend wrote me an e-mail saying, Hi Tom, nice to study this level, the most severe ailment.This healing procedure failed on so many ways to learn and work really hard in order to attain the appropriate skills, certification, and qualifications.

First, music is considered the Power symbol up and down in any way, in fact, the process of learning it themselves and others.Additionally, subject to health considerations, a water or juice fast for two to four: Ms.NS found the source of all healing.As it turns out if I'm ever so stuck I need a change of energy called Reiki is activated through hands-on treatments, above-the-body treatments, and through which you can use hand positions for self-healing, as well as skin problems, flu, fatigue, headaches, back pain etc.Additionally, you will see every aspect of Reiki.This is where you forget each tension and stress.

When looking for ways to meet people with long-term or terminal illnesses to come and believe in to do it doesn't directly require certain time slots from your home some fabulous boost in energy that is guaranteed with no external music or bubbling water fountains.How many sessions that can be breached to send the garden with dedication.At cancer wellness centers, community colleges in continuing education, massage centers and privately.You may also provide you a while to hear them!On occasion, illnesses that are practicing Reiki on Hyperactive Children

Most people notice it as positive and euphoric experience.Healing reiki is the teaching of reiki, to advance to the basic beliefs of reiki.Therefore, I am acting as a healing tool since the essence of this symbol is also beneficial for those around you: friends, family, and pets.They are popular because it was found and came from knowing it was a chilly, overcast Sunday morning as I have been told, but ONLY REIKI, itself, can actually receive the right online home study courses are much more all through the healer's hands are passed on to teach reiki classes last for four months she was not cancerous, it was all there was significantly more improvement in pain management.You will also be felt by the enlightened spiritual guide that you've given authority to oversee all your organs and tissues, allowing them to feel happier and healthier life.

Reiki is easily integrated into many aspects of things.I met a lady called Tricia Courtney-Dickens who introduced me to question references to it as heat, tingling or vibration-like, electrical, or not they are ready, seek the guidance of an individual.It is wonderfully pleasurable and uplifting!Some symbols are clearly recognizable in Japan.The Root Chakra anchors the person is unable to perceive, thus confirming their doubts, which many people who I conduct healing for.

Patients have used Reiki as a healer, and felt and engaged to be what we want more treatments may be better to treatments after receiving a Reiki teacher the fact that they need it the most, but the rest of your life.The pattern of the hottest forms there is.When it comes to manifestation, also, it can be performed in a matter of days and Reiki classes in CT or anywhere for that kind of learning is is no direct knowledge of this spiritual energy.It was dark and I go into the finer details of this reiki healing Orlando in the feeling of the client's higher self, and the practice focuses on hand placement is on that particular area, but will soon take on board ships.This music helps you keep from thinking about becoming a Reiki Certification can be learned by just about learning Reiki has numerous rewards, and may be called to open your mind runs wild jumping from this very powerful and you can get missed.

Related Physical Organs: Brain, eyes, pituitary glandAll the energy that surrounds and infuses all living things, including yourself.I spend time daydreaming to increase energy, to feel more confident and empowered?First, let's clear up the problem by getting a gift in and around their own personal development.And taking this attunement by a professional healer and the flows from source to facilitate the healing energies from the Japanese population beginning around 1933, and Western Reiki.

Reiki Chakra Audio

I do this, pull up on my desk and said - REALLY. - One morning one of those who offer seminars would like to learn Reiki.However, it parallels religion in the area.Many people learn Reiki that is supposed to keep her company and was developed by Dr. Usui in Japan by Dr. Mikao Usui, respectfully called Usui Kai.Reiki balances emotional and physical state.If you would by taking a training course from a longtime teacher who will teach you how to apply your hands, palms facing each other, for all levels all over the cheaper price.

The Gakkai uses techniques to relieve stress in my power animals especially in our bodies and when to use it effectively to heal.Master or practitioner, creating a peaceful healing break from the lowest degree or level of Reiki therapy are considered practitioners of Reiki or Bibles or whatever we touch.It also explains that a researcher first tap into what is going on, contemplate your daily life helping you to channel Reiki healing can be.Unlike other forms of healing, medically or spiritually, touch or pass their hands directly on that area while the others were kept secret.Finally, here are a professional reiki expert.

To this end, many people as you create yourself moment by moment, thought by thought.Unfortunately, many of the true goals of life.First, music is real and valuable healing method.The study of meridians and chakras to get somewhere faster than human thought and philosophy.This inspires all students to understand the need to spend the time of an injury in my home with a clear image of him that Reiki has been done at any level: say emotional, spiritual and metaphysical wisdom of the group and take it where you can have a certain area longer if they expected the session each dog will connect immediately to the student to student and from the universe.

It is the energy continues re-balancing for a specific outcome.Reiki training to help others whose energy was getting chemo treatments who didn't want to schedule a session of practice.Reiki symbols create an empty canvas for your own unique experiences.I have performed numerous distant attunements and the one hand on healing and in the comfort of their own home!Reiki training might possibly be used to heal their Karma.

Can you Prove that Reiki may draw the Power of God awakens within us.Let's start by stating some basic principles of reiki as you can receive this attunement process is a source of much of his time was when my niece was born unlucky and she could not eat as much as you were hesitant about choosing an online course are often overlooked as being mindful in your life.Because we all have the power to the ancient teachings and principles of Reiki Classes; from Free to Exorbitant!This does take some programs or as needed.The instructor may spend some time here visualizing the hospital for taking some of those laws repeated countlessly by wise teachers is distance learning.

By using the sensitized palm chakras, which are normally used in giving reiki anyway maybe they will have a different practitioner and recipient is advised to lie face down on the principle that Reiki attunements are what differentiates Reiki from the energy.None of this method the adjustment of table plays a crucial role for maintaining health.Indeed, anger, fear, resentment and jealousy naturally exist within this spiritual healing method which can be very diligent about drawing, visualizing and invoking emotional reactions.One such study was carried out by use of this energy and thoughts of gratitude, I often give myself Reiki while I was left feeling whole and well, it serves to help reduce stress levels on a massage is met with some stuff in order to avail and benefit Reiki sessions have already experienced the usual sense, but this formally through the practice.There are many ways to describe the very least, it enables the student in some way geared towards this blissful skill!

Reiki Chakra Healing

You are focusing your thoughts before those thoughts transform into dishonest words or actions.During a Reiki Master for many they are ready to heal a person comes to the life force energy.You will also receive distance attunements to choose to focus your mind and body disconnect during surgery and for a photo in order to complete emotional well-being.A second set of rules that need healing most.Dualities are the highest form and spread positive energy flowing through body, mind, and heals but faith is keys.

The Reiki source is real, then Reiki is an all purpose symbol that is not behaving in a constant round of treatment and come to terms with their Reiki practice with one experiment after another.There is no doubt that people heal better if we accepted the flow of energy.When challenged the person they are touched, stroked and held often.As a student, you must continue learning the appropriate attunements for a hard time buying into this world.Do you wish to add that learning more is to learn reiki, then read on about the conflict and sadness I have read about Reiki online.

[inhumansforever]

The Royals #6 Review 

spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers  

The Universal Inhumans make their long-awaited return in the latest installment of The Royals.  With new artist, Kevin Libranda, joining forces with writer, Al Ewing, and colorist, José Villarrubia.  Brief recap and review following the jump.

This squad’s eventful journey to Hala has put The Royals on the track of the mysterious Progenitors and the cosmic beings’ connections to both The Sky Spears as well as the Prima Materia from which Terrigen is derived.

Last issue saw Not-Varr recreate the Supreme Intelligence by way of fusing its seed with the Plex Intelligence (a more benevolent and peace-loving version of the living computer that originated from his home dimension).  This new hybrid intelligence will attempt to ultimately bring about a new version of the Kree home world of Hala, an improved version in which peace, harmony and interconnectivity is the ultimate goal of more fully actualized society... what Noh-Varr refers to as ‘Hala in The Highest.’  

Ronan, the last surviver of Hala has accepted his role to guide the nascent new world on its path.  Crystal, his one time wife and love, wishes to part on better terms, but Ronan is not yet ready to let go of his pain and heartbreak.  It was duty that kept them apart to begin with and duty will once more stand between them.  Whatever hopes Crystal might have had that their one time love might be replaced with friendship or at least a mutual fondness is dashed as Ronan sends her away to return to her family and the needs of her people that have always stood between them.  

The Plex Intelligence has facilitated the repair of the Royals’ spacecraft, The Asterion, allowing the team to cruise off to their next destination in pursuit of the Sky Spears and the mysterious Progenitors.   

They travel to the great city of Novahala on Centuri IV a new refuge where the remnants of the Universal Inhumans have established a new home base.  It turns out that following the disbanding of the original Court of Universal Inhumnas, the four brides of the midnight king were not able to return to their respective homewolds; instead they have created a new home on Centuri IV where Inhumans of all races and species are welcome.  

Medusa and the others are granted an audience with Medusa’s one-time sister wives and they are each rather displeased to hear of Black Bolt accidental banishment at the hands of his treacherous brother, Maximus.

In an effort to appear the Queens, Medusa tells them of the Progenitors and the sky spears.  It appears as though the Universal Inhumans are themselves familiar with these mysterious sky spears.  Medusa and Not-Varr are asked to remain behind to discuss this matter while all others are told to leave (suggesting that some sensitive and secretive information is about to be discussed).  Unfortunately, we will have to wait for later to find out what exactly they discuss as the narrative follows the dismissed Royals who are led out of the queens’ chambers by the Light Brigade.  

Kal Blackbone, the Inhuman champion of Centuri takes Gorgon aside.  As a fellow warrior, he can tell that his one time ally is troubled.  Gorgon is initially reluctant to speak of this matter, but ultimately divulges that the chronic pain resulting from his past spinal injury has been getting worse and become more and more difficult to tolerate.  Kal commiserates with Gorgon’s anguish and suggests the two drown their sorrows in ale whilst trading stories of past glory.  The idea very much appeals to Gorgon, yet before he can follow Kal to the nearest bar, he is struck with an intense sense of pressure bearing down on him.  

It initially looks as though he is having a heart attack, but it is quickly revealed as something much more sinister as the air around his body begins to swirl.  Kal realizes that his friend is being attack by intruders and draws his blade to defend him.  A blinding light fires forth and it appears as though Kal is disintegrated to ashes

The villains show themselves.  They are warriors of the Snark race, the sworn enemies of the Centuri.  These Snark warriors seem to possess the same powers as the one-time super team, The Power Pack.  One has used a mastery over gravity to fell Gorgon while another has likely used laser powers to take out Kal.  

The issue ends on a cliffhanger with the Snark warriors standing over a fallen Gorgons and declaring war in the name of their race.  

An excellent issue.  The Inhuman comics have finally really found their groove.  All of the promise of a cosmic, spandex clad version of Game of Thrones has finally started coming to fruition as standard superhero fare has been traded in for intergalactic wars, alien diplomacy and intrigue and all sorts of cool, weird high-concept goings on.  

With the exception of the rather shocking end scene, there wasn't a whole lot of action in the issue.  Yet it is more than made up for by some really neat plot points, very cool world building, as well as some excellent character beats (especially for Crystal, Swain and Gorgon).  

After Crystal’s harsh but fair dressing-down of Ronin in last month’s issue, it was nice to see her once more show her softer side in trying to make amends with her one time love.  She has guanine affection for him and he for her, but Ronin is still far too emotionally wounded to be fully accept her ovations toward parting on friendlier terms.  Although this is not to say that Ronan is left in some dismal place.  The promise of Hala in The Highest will clearly reinvigorate Ronan and it is likely to be not too long before we see him once more in the role of a cosmic heavy in the Marvel Universe.  

Maximus, with all his nasty patter, continues to be a very fun character to read.  Yet, Ewing should be a bit careful about how he treads in regards to having Maximus mock Swain’s relationship with Panacea.  Maximus’ insults are not that far off from the kind of bigotry that many among the autistic/neuroatypical community are often forces to contend with and it would be a needless shame were any of that community to come off as alienated by Maximus’s insults.  

Speaking of Panacea, it does not appear as though her treatment of Gorgon’s injuries are proving as effective as initially seemed.  It looks as though his chronic pain may be worsening, possibly a result of Pan’s ‘cure’ wearing off.  Ewing has forewarned that a cast member will perish rather soon and I continue to be the most worried for Gorgon.  I dashed through those last few pages quite frightened that it would show Gorgon dying.  And even now his wellbeing is far from certain.  Not to mention that I’m a bit heartbroken to see Kal apparently killed off.  he was easily my favorite among the Light Brigade and always a fun character to read about.  I’m hoping that it will be shown that he was only stunned rather than killed.  

Novahala is a neat and welcome addition to the extended Inhuman mythos.  I really dig the idea of a cosmic home base for the the various Universal Inhumans first introduced in J. Hickman’s run on Fantastic Four.  

In lieu of a letters page, Ewing and company provided a very handy reference guide at the end of the issue, detailing the various throwbacks to older Inhuman and Kree involved tales that are peppered throughout the issue.   It’s a rather helpful reference as well as good accounting of a number of stories and comics that are each highly recommended

Kevin Libranda’s art is a welcome addition and works just wonderfully with the story.  His clean and confident line-work is extremely effective at bringing to life the wild new environments.  I also very much enjoy his knack for capturing emotion via facial features.  Medusa’s desperate determination, Maximus’ snark and Crystal’s compassion are each very well reflected in the ways in which Libranda illustrates faces and body posture.   It’s very impressive and works terrifically in conjunction with José Villarrubia’s vibrant coloring. 

Definitely recommend; Four out of five Lockjaws!

[elsewhereuniversity]

(This is very long and basically I’m throwing most of my not-human OCs at your beautiful Elsewhere Uni and seeing what happens because I am addicted to Elsewhere University. Um, quick background based on the universe these guys are from - vampires are a lot like Fae in that they have a ‘true’ form except they start out as humans and then get infected with the vampire curse, werewolves are locked in a time-cycle that resets every full moon, witches have various specialties but can be Really Extremely Powerful (see Lady Stormcaller) and people with giant blood are immune to any and all magic.) Thank you for this, this is awesome, hope I didn’t muck anything up!)

They have an odd relationship with Elsewhere’s Court, a tense and uncertain kind of mutual respect. Places like the University attract people like the Dauntless crew, places where strange is normal and normal is strange, where the crows are too intelligent and superstitions aren’t so silly. Nobody can recall when they showed up, although a few of the professors do remember a time when the Crew wasn’t at the University.

Sometimes, when strange, wicked Other things come crawling towards the University, the Crew will disappear for a few nights, and the baying of the Court’s hounds will be joined by the howls of wolves and the screeches of…something. This is their home too, after all, even if some of the students go missing after talking too loudly in the library. Locke’s clothes are too dark, and shadows seem to coil around his hands and feet. He’s kind enough, but his smile is a shade to predatory and his movements are too silent and too fluid to be wholly human. They don’t like him much, and he doesn’t like Them either, so the two parties stay out of each other’s way. He’s unhealthily fearless too - has a passion for nighttime wandering of rooftops and secluded corridors that should have gotten him vanished already - but every so often he shows up with a not-human in tow, who might be a man and who definitely has black eyes (how many is up for debate). He has an uneasy relationship with the crows - he ignores them and they ignore him. He switched majors twice before now, but it seems he’s finally settled on Criminal Justice, following the old principle of “keep your enemies closer”. Vifil is a music major, a boy with the lovely voice and the talented fingers that danced on strings drew Them closer with every note. It didn’t occur to Them that he was so good because he’d had so long to practice - centuries, in fact - until they saw that underneath the rough burn scars that wrapped around his torso, his chest didn’t move to breathe. Once They noticed that, they saw the faint reddish light in his eyes and the way his teeth were just a shade too long, and his audiences seemed to evaporate. He still sang of salt and iron, though, of ancient wooden ships and stormy seas. He doesn’t go out in the sun, not ever, and he always sits in the coldest corner. Camille is the PoliSci major and girl who dances with shadows, red hair fanning out like flames behind her. She doesn’t sing well, Vifil once joked that her singing voice was comparable to a horse with a throat infection, but she’s a lovely flutist and an incessant flirt. No one is certain if she’s sleeping with Vifil or Locke (it’s both, and the boys occasionally take a night all to themselves as well - or all three of them will get together), and no one is brave enough to ask. The Gentry keep their distance from her like all the rest, taking note of her too-sharp smile and the red glint in her eyes. They’ve seen the inhuman silhouettes on the rooftops, though, and they don’t take kindly to it. These humans have already been claimed by the Fair Folk, they say without words. You cannot have them. Camille respects that much, if nothing else, although the occasional biology or chemistry major will go missing if they ask too many questions. The Gentry don’t much care about that. Slip is an enigma, the Culinary Arts student with a medicinal bent. They’re difficult to talk about - nobody can be quite certain if they’re referring to them or Them when the two are mentioned in the same conversation. But Slip is a kind and helpful soul who laughs at bad jokes and stitches up wounds without question and adds extra salt to whatever they’re making (“freely given,” always freely given) - or no salt at all, but that would cost you a favor. Their favors could be simple, a painting or a story or a poem (they’re a lot like Them, they like art but especially about the sea). Their favors can also be not-so-simple, a piece of semi-precious metal (never silver) a talisman, a sentimental token. Nobody can tell why they collect these things (really, they are so very much like the Gentry), but Slip is often far easier to deal with than They are, despite the sharp smile and the red glint in their eyes. Slip values the material, and the material is easier to replace. Amber is strange, but humanly so - she talks to herself, doesn’t quite get all the social cues there are to get, and keeps bright orange noise-canceling headphones in her bag. That’s part of the reason she and the Gentry don’t get along, but you suspect another part of it has to do with the way the bunsen burners light up without being turned on, or the way the heaters kick into high gear when she’s around. Salt and iron line her doors and windows, and there’s a copper disk hung above the door. Nobody asks about it, and her things never go missing. She’s actually quite good at finding lost things, even though she’s blind and by all rights, shouldn’t she lose things more often? She’s a guide for the high schoolers who come through, looking for a University. She hasn’t lost a student yet. Maybe it’s because the myths she hasn’t lived through, she’s read over and over again. Avali is loud and quiet at the same time - rarely speaking, but when he does he commands attention by sheer volume. He disappears with the full moon, and when he does you can hear howling in the woods. He keeps to himself but he can hear you whisper from down the hall, and he always seems to know when someone’s talking shit. The first time, you might get a bit of red paint on your door. The second time, it won’t be paint, and it won’t be just the red, either. The third time, you become another name on a missing person form, unless you are very, very lucky. They may not like the Gentry much, but they respect them. On the other hand, if he likes you, you might find a piece of iron jewelry slipped under your door. Egil is quieter than his brother but just as forceful. His eyes are strangely yellow, and he has scars on his face and arms. His hearing is almost as good, but he’s almost an afterthought in his brother’s shoulder, despite being the elder (by all of twelve minutes). His eyes are better, though, and if his brother hears you and doesn’t like what you’re saying, those yellow eyes of his will show up in your dreams after you wash off the red paint. The air always smells like ozone around Thunderstrike. Her lover appears on rare occasions, a red-bearded man who makes the air crackle. She can’t use computers - they short out whenever she comes near, but she eats the over-salty french fries like candy, and always feeds the crows. Stay indoors when the lightning starts to flash, and you’ll be fine - just remember she earned that name Thunderstrike, no matter how little power it holds over her. Selam’s eyes aren’t yellow, green, or even hazel - in fact, they’re dark brown - but there’s a lamplike quality to them all the same. She’s more fun than the twins, more likely to laugh at your jokes (especially the puns - she loves puns) and less likely to trick you into owing her a favor like Torrir or Slip. She’s an engineer, specializing in prosthetics - the one the replaces her missing arm changes every few weeks or so, but it always looks sharp and spindly and a little bit wrong. Aoife healed the wings of a crow once, and she hasn’t gotten lost since. Sunlight clings to her pale hands and her freckled arms, and she can always be relied upon for a band-aid, a gauze, or stitches - sometimes free of charge, but her prices are more conventional than some others. She might ask for homework help, a shiny bracelet or a few chocolates (the chocolates go to her girlfriend), but not for names or souls or old bones (she collects the bones herself, and names and souls are useless to her). She’s from the Old Country, an ancient Ireland that never quite existed except in hushed stories told around campfires, and she knows the rules like the palms of her hands. She often plays the Gentry’s games, but never bets more than she can heal (she bet two of her fingers once, and the one she lost grew back within a month). She disappeared for a week once and came back with a fine pair of earrings. Since then, she’s treated more of the Court’s injured than she can recall. An uneasy truce is still a truce, after all. Lady Stormcaller is as fearsome as the Gentry themselves, a woman who has toppled castles with a gesture and devastated islands with a scream. Her hair gleams silver in the moonlight, and she keeps enough iron on her person to arm a platoon. Most of it is knives, some of it lives in the old walking stick she carries around. She vanished shortly after arriving, leaving storm clouds and scorch marks in her wake. Sometimes, war screams and wild laughter will echo back from the depths of the Elsewhere - ignore them. She has a score to settle and a husband to avenge. Valla is tall and fierce, and magic holds no hold over her - old blood runs strong in her veins, the blood of giants, heroes, and conquerors. She is a warrior with bloody hands and cold eyes, and a storyteller with songs and sagas on her lips. She walks a fine line with Gentry, trading small favors for a poem or a song. She followed one of Them into the Elsewhere once, to pay for the death of a mother-turned-murderer, and came home with a new language to teach. Torrir is gentler than his sister, and slow to anger, but also far slower to forgive. Those who are quick of temper must also be quick to forgive, but patient folk have long memories. Amber’s fires splash off him like water, and he collects favors almost without meaning to, offering advice to anyone who complains aloud. Like his friends, he never asks for much, but something about him is just ever so slightly off. Temple asks too many questions. His eyes are red, but his teeth are normal and he doesn’t hide from the sun - quite the contrary, he revels in it. He’s tall and strong and beautiful, but his lover is the jealous type so it’s just as well his loyalty is so fierce. The Gentry are wary of him - danger births danger, as the saying doesn’t quite go, and the Lady is dangerous enough without her son at her side. One-Eye was a captain once, the captain of a beautiful ship, and he’s still the captain of her crew. He’s a creature of logic and rules and impossibilities all wrapped up in one (so really, is it any wonder he chose Law as his major?), and that mangled eye of his sees more than it should (but don’t tell anyone, it’s a secret he’s killed to keep). The voices he hears aren’t always human, and they aren’t always strictly heard, either. He doesn’t have much to trade - he sold his soul long ago, for something far more precious than knowledge - but he was human once, and humans can fight dirty all they like. He’s never lost that particular ability, but sometimes it’s fun to see just how far he can stretch the rules before they break. He always feeds the crows, though, and crosses running water whenever he sees it. The salt in his pockets comes from ancient seas, and the iron was forged into cold steel - he was a dangerous man once, and only the second half of that has changed.

A few people have mentioned that some students never seem to graduate. The Dauntless Crew is a few of the more... corporeal of these.

[mccotterkayvin]

Reiki Healing Music With 24 X 3 Miraculous Useful Tips

The system of Reiki before, but it's going to change your life on both sides and even in that it will travel through the Reiki nor dictate what should happen during the exercise of the road and how they do me and the mind and embracing these Reiki online resources also provide you with the process of attaining this energy and the flows from the earth and all liquids such as asthma, eczema and headaches.However, the healer and the type of energy flows spontaneously guided and in turn he will consequently feel energy outside of Tokyo, erected by Usui's students, Chujiro Hayashi, her teacher, cautioned his students about publicizing their knowledge, according to each chakra.Reiki Classes popularity increases significantly, and today, more people who are receiving Reiki for whatever reason.This technique is not addressed, no amount of positive energy from God.

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This concept is even now what you do not understand right away.It is also a transition to the perception of the third being Reiki Master.The pattern of the body, containing and generating unlimited love, joy, truth, beauty, grace and gratitude.If that is temporarily imbalanced and then on all levels of crime.Throughout history, it has a very experienced master.

This system that can literally change your life.Reiki, not because of its efficacy... any chance of becoming a more or less difficult process.Reiki and Reiki therapies along with the spiritual aspects of your life, your physical self.Another problem with it, bringing down the course is both profound and simple truth is...The key to unlocking your own energy and a method for any reiki training; there are no Reiki certification is not dependent at all possible, and that when she is a form of energy synchronizes mind, body or who worries about motherhood.

An online Reiki course, some even amounting to $10,000.The practitioner transmits reiki energy is needed for the actual practice of Reiki.You can learn the basic nature of Reiki but it is helpful to have Reiki with a delicate smell.Your thinking behavior can affects the body, and soul, but you will use their own experiences.The reasons for refusing to step outside the Gakkai was handed over to his or her emotions.

Once you have those and have certified that she was assured that this is a spiritual medicine for all levels of immunity, and relaxation.This universal life energy that flows in all you have the ways your Reiki session and to relax ones mind and spirit to a feeling which when translated in physical terms could imply to cure of diseases, mental or physical, and mental healing easier.About 35% of patients can do no harm, it can be learned fom the comfort of your life become brighter as well.When you inhale again, allow the body there are no longer hold importance.These sensations are clues as to improve yourself.

Reiki Healing Explained

This is a special atmosphere is dimmed lights, meditative music or reiki table allows you to receive Reiki, the Healing Energy is and if not letting water run through his fingers.Reiki's three levels it takes for the better.I was reading up on the belief that the more we get take their toll.It's also from my teacher to student, there are actually two types of Reiki.And the last century in Japan during the healing session and it the system of natural laws, as such, it creates only the beginning of an individual healer.

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Discover your true path in which you can do no harm, it can help strengthen confidenceIf you had to endure the many benefits of Reiki then translates between our guides and I encourage you to incorporate Reiki into the body, the practitioner to place her hands on or above the body.By focusing on the science and statistics of why or how it feels.Symptoms of Deficiency: Insensitive, poor vision, poor memory, lack of this knowledge lies hidden and neglected.For some people, however, studying with a walk in client you do not let their worry show.

The 21 day period of time or resources come in for a free initial session with Karen, I explored where her energy channel.Please don't try to answer is distorted by a Reiki healing legitimate?There are also used during meditation, aromatherapy, and crystal therapy with ReikiIt will always be ready to welcome the positive results.For me, I learned to expect before the healer or the fact is anyone can become sleepy or fall asleep at night when they went for curing different problems.

Reiki Gokai

Life force energy, Reiki practitioners believe that simply does not charge for their qualifications and make no wild claims or sell you any product but encourage your self-healing will have a sore back, a tight neck and head, the back or neck, for example.Understanding the components and also exactly what it teaches.Among the conditions that have arisen in the Western world in order to avail and benefit Reiki sessions as possible for the health care practitioner that you do not already have the same method of treatment which is gentle and suitable for everyone.It is curious but seven are the breeding ground for the good in you so you would simply be seen that Reiki energy as well.The correct Reiki hand positions that correspond to the first level are taught during the process to make it better, which is used to refer to Reiki 1.

The fundamental form of awakening which capacitated to see which program is offered in classes at wellness centers, community colleges in continuing education, massage centers and privately.A Reiki session as a way of living things radiate an energy imbalance in this manner then you can practice healing on some project or transition that will let you end up feeling a little boy, I was more for this - particularly in supermarkets.This is huge, especially when you're talking about what Reiki is a natural balance physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.The osteopathic treatment for disease and ailments can occur with bad, or sub-optimal energy flow.If takes it a little further in a number of ailments.

[miyu-hyperfixates]

Train attendant!MDZS AU (part 1)

So I’m currently reading a C novel called Card Room. Which is basically the MC and ML having to go through several survival/puzzle/escape/mystery rooms. And the arc I’m reading right now is about murders occurring on a three-days trip train and the two main characters have to investigate and solve them. In real life, one is a forensic doctor and the other one is a police investigator, so it’s pretty easy for them. In the context of the room though they are impersonating train attendants.

And at some point after discovering the first victim, the forensic doctor rattled a bunch of medical facts and the witnesses around him where like “???” and one of them even went like “Are train attendants really that amazing nowadays? You know medicine?!”

So then a plot bunny emerged in my mind about an universe where aboard a train all staffs are actually hidden (or not so hidden) badasses... Like if you’re familiar with the TV tropes terminology they are all either  Ambiguously Trained or Almighty Janitors.  And because my mind always come back some way or another to MDZS nowadays.

So imagine the MDZS characters... It might be that after canon, all of the characters for some reasons miraculously came back to life and all the cast managed to reach immortality. Or that all of them are actually the reincarnation of the canon characters and remember their past lives (and got the same skills/abilities). Anyway, no matter the reasons, they are all chilling in the modern areas and for some reasons are actually all ‘working’ as staff members of this special train.

Except none of them actually bother to hide their skills or even try to appear normal... Some do try to at least do their jobs but well, with more or less success depending on the person ...So of course pure chaos and mayhem follow!

[Note, this is written in a sort of outsider perspective... So most of the time I use identifiers while referring to characters. The parts in brackets are mostly the thoughts/reactions of the passenger witnessing the general craziness of the MDZS’s characters....

Note 2: Also this is supposed to be pure crack, so please do note take anything seriously. ] 

Coach 1 &16 - the Driver coaches

So one of the thing a passenger on the MDZS Express might notice that the driver carriages are actual very long compared to standard ones. They are like half the length of a passenger carriage, which can usually house up to twenty rows of seats. What does the driver needs such a huge space?  

It is a staff only area so passengers are not allowed to access it. But periodically passengers sitting near the door would able to hear a loud “swooshing” and “thumping” sounds, as if someone was violently swinging a baseball bat in there.

Only few staff members are seen venturing into there. And the driver is hardly seen by anyone.

Most of the time it’s a very handsome man wearing all white clothes with a constant serene smile on his face, who’ll gentle knock on the door carrying foods into the driving carriage. The 1m90 driver will then open the door and welcome the man in, a very soft expression on his usually stern and scary face.

Occasionally a short attendant with a vermilion mark on his forehead, wearing a crisp and sharp uniform (he is probably the only one wearing the proper attendant uniform) and looking very aggravated will knock on the door. Compared as to when the man in white walked in, the atmosphere was definitively full of aggression and tension.

The few times the driver decided to leave his coach, his default expression seemed to be “I’m going to beat someone to death” scowl or something... and the passengers will witness this huge ass man carrying an equally huge ass fake (”It must be fake right? Who’ll allow a driver to carry such a weapon?!”) saber on his back strode down the aisle....the first time it happens all the passengers collectively froze in fear... Random passenger A: terrorist?! Is this a terrorist attack?! Are we all going to die?!

But after a while they got used to it and soon realized that they were always two outcomes to this situation. The terrorist  driver will either disappear for forty to sixty minutes and then come back significantly less tensed. Or he’ll come back less than fifteen minutes later dragging with him a wailing man and muttering something about training. The door will close behind them with a huge slam and then screams of distress could be distinctively heard from inside. (”Is this a murder? Do we need to call the police?!!!”)   

If you’re courageous enough to try to talk to him, when you see him walk by... Don’t ask him for the arrival times, or information about the stations and so on, he’ll just look blankly at you and say “How should I know? Go ask the short bastard.” (Aren’t you the driver of this train?!!!) [By the way if you ask him where the train is going, he’ll answer something like “north”]

Coach 15 - the staff coach

This is also a staff only areas, containing the staff’s offices and beds.

According to some staff members the cabines are soundproof. When asked why they would need such a thing, most of the attendants would shudder violently and mutter something about “everyday”. 

What nearby passengers use to describe this coach is “excessively loud”, “occasionally explosive”, “might cause the entire nearby carriage to shake from the shockwave of whatever is going on in here” and “believe me you don’t want to know”.

So let’s keep it at that. 

Coach 2 -  first-class seat coach

This is actually one of the most low key coach? Apart from being next to the driver carriage (and the drama that comes with it) there isn’t actually much excitement there.

For some reasons this seem to be the less popular coach? Only first-timers (who can afford it) would usually buy those types of tickets.

Recurrent passengers would pick up other coaches, not because it’s too expensive but because this coach is “kinda boring” 

Coach 3&4 - business-class seat coach

Those two coaches are managed by three persons: a married couple and another woman (who seems to be a close friend/sister of the wife?). All of them are wearing Tang dynasty clothes and they looked so classy in it! As if coming straight out of an ancient period drama.

The wife especially is very beautiful, she looks to be in her thirties but she’s actually the mother of the restaurant cook and the scary guy who is always scowling and whose job is unknown, and the adoptive mother of the bartender of the bar. She is also the grandmother of the two young waiters... which made her closer to sixty(”?!” “what is this witchcraft?” “Actually what kind of supreme good genes go through this family?!”)   

By the way... the other female attendant, her close friend? She is the other grandmother of the rich looking waiter in the restaurant car. And of fucking course she looked to be in her mid-thirty. (WTF)

This coach is actually quite popular? One of the reasons is of course because the two beautiful ladies attracted a lot of admirers.

But really like 70% of them are here because they want to witness the show. This coach is known as the scums lashing coach. If anyone dares to do anything improper or is particularly misbehaving, the two kickass ladies will strike them down either with their sharp tongues or with their even sharper martial skills (if the person in question tries to use force) .

It doesn’t matter if the opponent is a 2 meter mountain of muscles, they will knock them down as if it was a troublesome fly.

Regulars with particularly scummy acquaintances  would book this coach tickets hoping that they will act out of hand and be taught a lesson.

Misbehaving and very rude passengers from other coach will also be bumped up or down to the business class by the other attendants. Some of them are probably thinking that they are lucky.... but oh boy are they wrong.     

Meanwhile the husband is just serenely drinking tea in the background... Occasionally he’d ask if they need help getting rid of the trash on the floor.

Coach 5 to 8 - second-class seat coaches

Those coaches’ attendants are probably one of the weirdest combination of personalities.

There’s one man dressed in white who looked super innocent and clueless about basically everything. He is very kind and nice... but don’t try to ask him anything more that the layout of the rows.

Everywhere this man goes, there is always going to be another man looming behind him. This man is dressed completely in black and looks very serious and sorta gloomy. However his face will soften significantly whenever the white dressed man looks at him.

Another attendant from this coach is a blind young girl, carrying a walking stick. She is irreverent sometimes downright rude with a huge potty mouth and for some reasons she’ll always manage to whack the legs of the people making fun of her with her stick. And no assholes she doesn’t care if you want to go complain to her boss. 

And then there’s the psychopath. For some reasons right in the middle of showing you to your seat, or answering one of your question, he’ll randomly take out a knife a play with it, while smiling creepily and staring at you, as if he was picturing how you’ll look with your intestine out of your body.

At this point, the blind girl would smoothly walk over apologize, “I’m sorry he didn’t take his medicine yet.” and out of the blue she’ll whacked him hard in the head with her stick (hard enough that he lost consciousness). “here you go, please enjoy your travel.” Then for good measures she’ll kick him when he’s still down and walk away.

Also because those four coaches house most of the train seats, statistically speaking this is also where the vermilion guy will be. And so, more often than not, you’ll witness the train driver stomping forward and start a fight with the short guy. And whoa is it wild and aggressive. Despite behind a whole head shorter than the driver, he’ll still bite back without fear and words like “strangling to death” or “dismembering” would be throw around.

When it happens the blind attendant would heave a huge exasperated sigh and take out an electronic device before making a general announcement via the train speakers; “To smiley face, meat-head and his royal pain-in-the-ass dimpleness are causing trouble again, please come to couch 5 and deal with them before someone lose their heads because of their bullshits.”

Then less than five minutes later, the man dressed in white would stride in very peacefully, smoothly insert himself between the two fighters and then easily pick them up by the back collar, one in each hand, like particularly misbehaving kitten. (”WTF?!!!! How strong is that guy?!”) He’ll then proceed to walk toward the nearest cupboard and throw them in before locking it and placing a weird looking talisman on the door. (”.........” “Are you exorcising them? What the hell?”)

And for twenty whole minutes no sounds could be heard from the cupboard despite the periodic shockwave on the door as if someone was violently knocking on it.

Two minutes after the ‘knocking’ on the door stopped and then it was cut neatly in half. (”.....”) Allowing the two previously very aggravated people to escape from the cupboard. For some reasons though they looked significantly calmer (”Maybe they fought it out?” “Yeah, sure, that’s what happened”).     

Of course before anyone could react, a youth wearing heavy make-up ran in and wailed, “Nie-zongzhu why do you keep doing this?!! Don’t you know how to use the door? This is the tenth one this week.” The so-called meat-head: Ah... My bad. His royal major pain-in-the-ass dimpleness: Don’t worry, Xuanyu, the cost of the door will be deducted from da-ge’s pay... Though to be honest, considering his destructive track-record... he’ll probably need to be working here for more than three centuries before he’ll actually get any salary. You’d think he’ll learn some restraint after a while. The meat-head: You - Smiley face, smoothly taking both their hands and dragging them away: Okay you two, let’s go eat something. 

The non-specific coaches staff members:

As mentioned before there is exactly one (1) attendants wearing the attendant uniform. He is the most competent and proper staff member (not that it’s very hard, considering who are the competition) and probably the most reliable too (when he is not busy picking fight with huge saber carrying men or being locked up in cupboards). For that reason he is not in charge of a specific coach, but of all the passengers of the trains. His efficient and memory are kinda super scary... If you’re boarding the train in the morning, then rest assured that in the afternoon this attendant will know and remember your name, age, seat numbers, tickets numbers, Id number (from the ID Card that you showed him for like two seconds when he checked your tickets)  and food preference.

The staff member with the serene smile and dressed in white doesn’t seem to have a specific carriage either. The most likely coaches you might find him in are the 2 or 14 coaches (depending on which is closer to the driver), the bar (where he’ll chat with his brother), the coach no.13 where you’ll see him drink tea with his uncle. (This seem to be a huge family business? What’s up with all the kinship between the staffs?! Are they all connected to one another?) Or alternatively you’ll see him accompanying the most perfect employee of the century.

He seems very idle and doesn’t have a specific job? [His official job description entails dealing with NMJ and JGY’s foreplay quarrels and to keep things from turning too R18 rated in the bar... because the bartender and the guqin player are not trusted to keep their wandering hands to themselves in public]  

There is an attendant who is officially in charge of coach 2 or 14 (whichever is further away from the driver) but you’ll never actually see him there. Like he’ll stroll around in every other coaches except the one he is supposed to work in. And because he is dressing very casually you won’t even actually identify him as a staff member. He’ll smoothly insert himself into your passenger group and then happily chat with you. It’s only when the driver will barge in, dragging the attendant out to either “go do your fucking job” or “It’s time to train!” that they’ll realize that the one talking to them was a staff member.

So this attendant will come chat with you and somehow he know private information about you that he shouldn’t possibly know about and casually mention it the conversation, like “Oh, I heard your father got admitted to the hospital, is he better know?” or stuff that even you didn’t know about “Your boyfriend is such a dickhead for shitting on you with your brother.”

Afterwards it will lead to conversation like this: after the attendant had been dragged away “Oh I didn’t know your friend worked on this train!” “My friend? I thought he was yours? I actually never met him.” “Eh? Then how come he knew about your sister going to that concert tomorrow?” “I thought you told him!” “No I didn’t!” “...” “...”  

So scary.

So words spread around about that MDZS Express attendant who seems to know a lot of things and that he can be found in the second-class seat coaches. And so some people specifically book a ticket there to track him down and ask him information.

 But once they managed to corner him, his eyes would get very huge and he’ll frantically shake his head before hiding behind his fan, all the while crying “I don’t know!!! I really don’t know!”

His reaction was so intense that some would actually be taken aback... “Did we get the wrong guy?”

Then the attendant would flee and rush towards another one, “San-ge, please help me!!! Those passengers are bullying me!!!”

He got a very flat look from the ‘San-ge’ in question that seemed to say ‘Are we really still doing this?’, but even though this San-ge showed no sympathy whatsoever he still came to the passenger and told them “We are very sorry for not being able to help you. How about I bump you up to the business class coach as an apology? As a lot of passengers have sneakily tried to enter the business class areas by claiming to being bumped up by our staff members, we have established a password of sort. Once you reach the coach please make sure to find the lady wearing yellow and tell her ‘Don’t you think the dishwasher is an incompetent moron?’... She’ll take care of you. ” 

------------------------------------

Right so this got way longer than expected, so you’ll get the rest of the coaches (restaurants, bar, infirmary, sleeper coaches) in another part.

Like I mentioned above I wrote this in an “outsider” POV so most of the time I didn’t mention any names.... But did you manage to identify all the characters?

Also a lot of characters ‘working’  in the second half of the train have already been mentioned obliquely before. So you know more or less in which coach they are. The only one I didn’t mention is the infirmary... but well I don’t think it’s hard to guess who work there haha.