#European week of spork

[baddestbittyontheblock]

patri guijarro fic recs

you are responsible for the content you consume‼️

✧*:·˚ hi everyone!! here is a list of all the fics that are my favs with tagged writers/authors ✧*:·˚

✧*:·˚ remember to like and reblog the works you enjoy in order to support each writer!! ✧*:·˚

✧*:·˚ however, make sure you read the information on each story themselves such as triggers & warnings ✧*:·˚

✧*:·˚ also, if you'd like me to remove your fic from this list, message me! ✧*:·˚

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my favs= ☆

౨ৎ super star ☆ by @magicfootballstuff patri guijarro x reader

-even big players get nervous before big finals. patri is no exception to that.

౨ৎ communication by ^ patri guijarro x reader

-you first meet patri at national camp.

౨ৎ holiday loving by @mapileonxputellas patri guijarro x reader | mentions of body image issues, suggestive language.

-the season finally drew to a close and despite the disappointment of the champions league final you were determined to relax for a week in ibiza before you had to start the preparation for the european championships with Spain.

౨ৎ terrified by @gagmewitha-spork patri guijarro x reader | a few swear words here and there, a little angsty, 2.2k

-reader is terrified of losing themselves if they fall too hard for patri. patri is convinced reader is going to break up with her.

౨ৎ always by @onlyhereforthestories patri guijarro x reader

-you had joined barcelona women’s team in the summer, you came from psg along with perades and played on the right wing so you didn’t know what kind of game time or competition you were going in to.

౨ৎ past, present, and future by ^ patri guijarro x reader

-to say you were excited about the upcoming break would be an understatement, it felt like you had been playing football for a year straight what with the season and the champions leagues games as well as the euro tournament over the summer. 

౨ৎ home for christmas by @cpheath patri guijarro x reader

-“i have a question,”

౨ৎ patri ficlet by @outsideratheart patri guijarro x reader

-“how do we get out?”

౨ৎ pink beanie girl by @femininefutbol patri guijarro x reader | 2.8k

-you are secretly dating patri guijarro and her teammates try to set you up with her

౨ৎ like a weighted blanket by @redhairedwolfwitch patri guijarro x reader

-falling asleep before dinner isn't ideal, especially when you forget about dinner and your teammates have to come and get you and patri

౨ৎ better than a weighted blanket by ^ patri guijarro x reader | implied spicy content

-a continuation of Like a weighted blanket, however, some other activities turn into a game of hide the hickeys as most of the barcelona squad remain in the dark. also references to blackout

౨ৎ blackout by ^ patri guijarro x reader

-what happens when power goes out in your building, and you and your teammates are trying to find each other in the dark.

౨ৎ lost and found by @skipper1331 patri guijarro x reader

-reader is known for always losing her stuff (phone, keys etc) and patri always finds them, so a few teammates start to think that they are soulmates and should get together.

[raxistaicho]

https://www.tumblr.com/randomnameless/726562224859185152/i-think-you-got-this-anon-because-raxi-poo-is-shit?source=share

someone is at it today

Ooooohhh, fun :D

Also they're gonna accuse me of sending this to myself via a sockpuppet. Oh well.

Honestly, I don't think I was even that mean to her. I criticized her obnoxious nicknames and said she was wrong about Three Houses (how dare I) but damn, if that's their standard for "shit talking" they are very sensitive souls. It was Fantasy Invader that I insulted.

Yeah, I think he made a post about and FI because how dare you guys have fun and share your ideas…

What, lol. They're free to share their ideas. I'll criticize their ideas when they're dumb, and FI's ideas are most certainly dumb, but he's still free to share them.

I've noticed this bizarre misconception from them that they think I'm mad they exist or that they can say things on the internet, but that's most certainly not true. I just think bad ideas deserve to be challenge.

Either that or they just really don't like being disagreed with (it happens to them all the time on Reddit and Twitter so they despise both) and they're mad not even Tumblr is safe from the scourge of the Edelstan.

it feels like a fact of life now, the sky is blue, the earth is green. Raxi poo poo is throwing a tantrum, screaming and crying "PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" almost like a childish insecure bully

Heh. I've been spending like a week getting sucked hard into Berwick Saga (seriously, really good game, really experimental gameplay and it shares some themes with Three Houses, try it out sometime, but be sure to get advice if you do) such that I've barely posted at all aside from demonstrating that I'm still alive, but when I manage to find the time over the weekend to finish a post I'd been sitting on for like a week or two that's me seeking attention, yes, go off.

I mean fuck, I'm even several days behind on sporking the next chapter of the Edelgard in Thracia fic, curse you, Berwick :(

I'll try to get around to it Saturday or Sunday...

You are a European savage who smashes words together and drops vowels!! Did you ever consider the feelings of the letter E before you dropped it from Je?!?!?!

Ugh. Europeans.

That was a joke, obviously.

I feed dolphins ! I'm not "mean"!

Dolphins may be cute, but they're also fucked uuuuuppp. They're known to kill other animals for fun, and they do it savagely.

[meetthemidwest]

Weird things the states have done

-Michigan once kicked a chair out from underneath Ohio and Ohio didn’t fall down. He also didn’t stand up, he literally just stayed sitting on nothing.

-Wisconsin, Indiana, and Michigan went to an indoor water park and floated around the lazy river while singing I Want it That Way. Illinois got a video.

-Minnesota and the Dakotas decided to go mattress sledding and North Dakota smacked his head against a table and got a concussion.

-Kansas walked directly into a tornado to prove that it was possible. It didn’t end well.

-Rhode Island once pulled a small tree out of the ground and used it to hit Massachusetts in the knee because Mass called him a sewer for the billionth time.

-Nebraska drove a tractor over a homemade ramp and it flipped over with him on it.

-Idaho slowly ate a raw potato in front of the United Nations while making direct eye contact with Russia. To this day no one knows why.

-West Virginia bit down on his wallet, looked directly at a poor CIA agent, and said “whom the frickity frack took my breakfast sandwich?” It turns out the sandwich was in his back pocket.

-Washington spilled coffee on their jeans and immediately declared God to be both a bitch and dead.

-Iowa bought a bunch of those corn on the cob holders and stuck them all over Illinois’ car because he was “being a little bitch”

-New York walked to New Jersey’s apartment (which was pretty far away at the time) at two in the morning just to ask if water is wet. He then made himself a cup of coffee and left.

-Kentucky rode a horse into a grocery store, looked around, and when told he had to leave yelled “THAT ISN’T VERY CASH MONEY OF YOU, CIVILIAN”

-Colorado wore a really large trench coat to a meeting one day and he wouldn’t tell anyone what was in it until after the meeting, where he pulled New Mexico aside and showed him that the inside pockets were filled with memes.

-There’s a video of New Hampshire screaming at Massachusetts while Massachusetts attempts to inject caffeine directly into his veins.

-New Hampshire also wore a shirt that said Big Dad Energy in big bold letters and when asked how many kids he had by a stranger he started laughing hysterically.

-Michigan has a shirt that says I’m Concerned About the Blueberries that he only seems to wear when he gets exactly two hours of sleep. Louisiana once saw him wearing the shirt and forced him to stop and take a nap.

-Florida grabbed a handful of leaves off the nearest tree and started eating them while Virginia explained that attacking European tourists is bad.

-Georgia pushed Alabama into a puddle and he just laid there for about five minutes before rolling over and calling Georgia a bitch.

-You know the vine where the guy at the mini golf course jumps into the water? Hawaii does that every time. No one goes mini golfing with her anymore.

-Alaska took a bite of a dog treat instead of a protein bar, stared at it in confusion, shrugged, and continued eating.

-Another video: Tennessee: *sobbing hysterically* Virginia: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???? Tennessee: I HAVEN’T SLEPT IN A WEEK AND SOMEONE DREW A FACE ON MY BANJO WHILE I WAS TRYING TO NAP AND I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN ‘CAUSE Y’ALL DON’T LIKE THE FACT THAT I WAS BETTER AT THE CIVIL WAR THAN ANYONE ELSE! Virginia: You need to calm down- Tennessee: YoU NeED tO CaLm DowN!

-Texas and Cherokee were arguing over how Oklahoma should live his life while Oklahoma filled a duffel bag with hors d’oeuvres at the fancy party Maryland threw.

-Arizona was carrying around a fancy velvet purse for a day and when California asked what it was for she pulled out seven hard boiled eggs. The only question California asked was “can I have one?” Arizona said no, packed the eggs up again, and left.

-One day Montana and Colorado switched wardrobes and no one noticed since they both wear flannels from the women’s section.

-Wyoming pulled out a water bottle at a meeting and chugged it in under a minute. Turns out it was vodka and she fell down the stairs trying to leave.

-Vermont drank a bottle of maple syrup while Maine recorded. They later sent it to Quebec who watched the entire thing twice before responding with “why are you so dumb?”

-Connecticut got locked out of his house and broke his leg trying to climb to the second floor window. 

-Literally everything New Mexico does is weird, like when he bought a set of sporks and threw his spoons and forks out.

[lauraallafics]

3/100 fics: A night outside

Sentence included: No, no, it’s my treat.

Summary: A date to celebrate the end of TATINOF.

Words: 458

Warnings: None.

A/N: It’s not beta’d and english is not my first language, so there might be mistakes. Btw, I’ve decided to actually name the fics, and make a section for the sentence that has to be in the fic.

Fragment: “Even if they had been a couple for a long time now, they weren’t much of going on dates outside their apartment (because, as Dan said once, why going outside their flat when they had everything they wanted inside?).”

To say that Dan and Phil had had some intense months wasn’t even close to the stress they had gone through.

First, it came the writing of their book AND preparing their on-stage show while preparing their radio shows. Then, the tour started and, even if they had little hibernations between the legs of the tour, they were also preparing another book, so they really didn’t have any time for themselves.  Of course, you also have to count both of their youtube channels and their gaming channel while recording their documental for Youtube Red. So, when they finished the European leg of TATINOF and finally got home, they decided that they were going to do something they hadn’t done in a while: go on a date.

Even if they had been a couple for a long time now, they weren’t much of going on dates outside their apartment (because, as Dan said once, why going outside their flat when they had everything they wanted inside?). It really had been a while since their last outdoors date, giving that last they tried this, a fan almost caught them while catching a cab to go back home. This was one of the reasons their dates in the outside world were so sporadic, they didn’t want their private life to spread around the internet, they were happy how they were now. In conclusion, this kind of date was reserved for special occasions (and only when they convince the other that it was special enough).

For this, both of them had agreed that the end of their tour was an acceptable amount of special to get out of the intimacy of their house. So they made reservations a few days before, dressed nice, and actually went outside to the restaurant.

…

They had a great evening. They talked and laughed, and forgot about all the pressure they had been under for over a year now, which was something they both needed. By midnight they were both happy and full. The waiter arrived soon with their check, looking weirdly at them, having being his loudest clients in the whole week.  Phil went to take the bill and divided between the two of them, but before he could, Dan had taken it.

“Dan, I was going to divide…”

“No, no, it’s my treat.” He said, placing the money in the little basket they had been given.

“You don’t have to…” But he was cut off again by Dan, who smiled at him.

“I want to. So don’t even try to argue.” Phil looked confused for a second, but then looked softly into Dan’s eyes.

“How did I get so lucky?” he murmured.

“Shut up, you spork” said Dan, blushing. “C’mon Phil, let’s go home.”

[kyidyl]

Europe

Since I'm chilling at home today with a migraine hangover, let me write some stuff about vacation. Last week I got back from a 19 day vacation to Europe. While I was there I went to London, Paris, Venice, Rome, and Edinburgh (apropos of nothing, but I can't spell it anymore cause we say it edinburg and they say it edinbraugh and now I don't know where the letters go anymore HALP, lol.). It was pretty great but like here's some random observations or stuff that was most different, or that I wasn't expecting despite extensive reading before I went. 1. The money. Here in the us we can pay for basically everything, even like a pack of gum, with a card. Cash is outdated and largely unnecessary. Literally the only time I ever have any is when I go to ren faire. And, remember, our debit cards function as credit cards, so you don't need a credit card for this to be the case. Most people don't carry large sums of, or any, cash on them. There's literally no point unless you like to have cash or live someplace that for whatever reason is surrounded by stores that haven't joint the rest of us in this century. There, this isn't the case. Everyone has cash because, idk, they like inconveniencing themselves? Maybe the fees are higher for vendors to take cards? Idk but I have about $15 us in pounds and euros left over and it's not worth exchanging and I can't really do anything with it. And to the point, WHY THE FUCK WITH THE COINS DO YOU JUST HATE PEOPLE?? 2. American architecture is really, really conservative. Even, say, that capital building - which has a fancy dome and paintings and stuff is comparatively staid. Europeans were like "fuck that, more is more, pile another Curley-q on that. Needs moar gold leaf. Why have wallpaper when you can have damask and frescos?" It's kinda great, really, but it makes me realize how visually boring the us is. 3. European soda is better period full stop I miss it. I will never drink orange Fanta again. Plus the bottles are smaller, which is nice because I never finish a bottle here anyway. I did miss lemonade tho. 4. Attempting to be courteous to Parisians is exhausting and also why don't they clean up their dog shit??? Plus I got tired of getting dirty looks when they spotted my (sunset colored) hair. Got lots of compliments on it in London tho. 5. There are far fewer differences between London and the us than I thought. Really did not experience a lot of culture shock. Same for Edinburgh. Although being the one who has an accent is weird. You just can't pretend you're anything other than a tourist and you only blend in till you open your mouth. 6. Not speaking the language is isolating, and eventually I stopped talking much. When I got back to the U.K. At the end it took my brain a hot second to process English again and remember "oh, right, we can communicate now. Let's do that." 7. In Italy and France, the goddamned people trying to sell you shit in the street. They're rude, pushy, and shady AF. I've been to cities enough and I'm from ny, so I know how to avoid them mostly, but Matt and the girls did not. One of them in Venice handed syd - an 8 year old - a rose and wouldn't take it back and wouldn't leave us alone until Matt gave him money. Another one of them came up to me on a bench in Rome when I was essentially isolated from anyone nearby and would NOT leave. I flat-out told him no three times before yelling at him that I wanted to be alone so he needed to go. He scared the crap out of me because I'd straight up told him no and he still wouldn't leave me alone. Here in the us these guys don't really exist because you can't sell stuff without a license/permit and they can't get one. 8. Tipping is different, but no one really gets upset about the American style of tipping cause we're generous tippers and everyone likes extra money. So...sometimes we did and sometimes we didn't depending one where we were. This is especially true in Italy. 9. Italy has the kind of service economy America wishes it had. U.S. service is about squeezing as much kindness into as small of a window of time as humanly possible. Italians take their time with each customer. To the extent that most of the time they don't like customers handling the merchandise they have on display. There's not a lot of self serve going on, and they get kinda insulted if you don't let them show you how awesome their wares are. 10. Ticking off the locals is unavoidable, no matter how much you try not too. You can't enculturate yourself over the Internet, so even if you do a lot of "how to not be a douche" research you're gonna miss something. Like the time I closed a shop's door behind me because, y'know, I wasn't raised in a barn and the owner got annoyed at me because to her closed door = closed shop. And I couldn't tell her I was sorry or why I'd done it because I don't speak Italian. 11. I didn't think I noticed any difference in service people until I got back and I was like "why is everyone being so nice to me?" I felt like less of a weird person for saying please and thank you so much. Idk it didn't really bug me either way. 12. Awhile ago there was a thread where some idiot said that NY's particular brand of politeness was maladaptive, but I found that the opposite was true. I knew how to behave myself in a city, and my traveling companions did not. Every time Matt stopped in the middle of a sidewalk to check the directions or engaged someone who was selling something because he hadn't mastered ignoring them or the subtle "don't even try it" head shake I wanted to stab him with a spork. 13. If NY wasn't home, Rome would have overtaken it as my favorite city. I loved it, and if I could speak Italian I'd try to emigrate. It was different, but Italian immigrants to NY shaped the culture of NY so much that Rome felt a bit familiar. Plus it's beautiful, and there was so much history there, and the food was spectacular. Ok...I guess that's enough, lol. Anyway it was awesome 10/10 do recommend and also I have barely even made a dent in post processing the pics I took...