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aspiringkuia · 2 years

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My History | Chapter Two.

This Series is not in chronological order, this is my outlet of my History and it doesn't necessarily come back to me chronologically. I point this out because I know the feels <3

Warning: The following includes themes and discussion of tra*ma.

I am a Maori/Aboriginal Woman. It's important to me because it's been made brutally clear that that is what I am to most people. And that's okay, I'm proud of my cultures. But it has impacted me deeply, to an A N C E S T R A L level. And if we don't mind, I'd like to share a huge part of my life experience >

My Hair.

When I was 7 years old, I had long, straight, shiny and smooth hair. It reached my lower back! Mum had always braided my hair into complex styles, training it to grow even longer. One time, the braids were so tight it gave me a headache all morning. My friend's Mum was in to talk to her daughter and greeted me, complimenting me on my braids. She'd noticed that I was wincing asking, "What's wrong, love?"

I told her, "My braids are digging into my head, it hurts." She offered to help me, I said 'yes' and she carefully loosened the braids at the top of my head, evening out the sides. She was a very kind lady <3 Immediately I was relieved and I swear I felt the colour fill my face again.

When I got home that day, my Mum almost screeched, "Why is your hair all over the place?" I was 7 years old, running around all day. She was so angry and I couldn't understand why. When she'd learned about the kind lady loosening my braids, Mum retorted about messing up her handiwork.

Who's hair did this become?

When I was 8 years old, I was invited to my cousin's house to sleep-over one time. I was so excited because they had a pool with poles in them that was bigger than our blow-up pool at home. At the time, my cousins had head lice, fully infested. And all it takes is one kid to get head lice, and they had a pool. It doesn't take long for head-lice to just lay eggs and take over.

Unfortunately, I speak from experience.

Presently though, looking back as much as I begged on that fateful day, my parents were only saying, "Go on, catch knits then!" I mean, I was 8, I would've gotten over it and there was always opportunity to hang at the cousin's. Yes, I was persistent, but I was 8 years old. If you're letting 8 year olds take control of a situation, when do you take control of a situation?

So yeah, I got knits and I had them for two more years after that day. Classmates wouldn't really stand near me or sit near me. It was the first time I freaked out if someone reached out to touch my hair. I was paranoid for a big chunk of my childhood. I wouldn't wear my hair up if I could avoid it. I was always scratching my head, only at home. It was a nightmare. And petrol-smelling-treatment after more chemically-smelling-treatment, they wouldn't budge. The rest of my siblings got head lice, but I was the one with the thickest hair, the longest hair. It didn't take long for my parents to make a fatal decision:

They shaved my head.

I was ten years-old and when I was in Grade 5, I was wearing a bandana to cover my head. I had some hair, but I just felt so low, so shameful. I wasn't even forced to wear the bandana. If I could describe that feeling, it would be dread.

Sure, I shouldn't have set foot in that pool. But what's a kid to know about those things? I just wanted to swim and play with my cousins. I grew resentment towards them, not really knowing where to direct the anger I felt. When the real villains were my parents. There comes a time where you have to look at the past realistically, without your pre-conceived notions or beliefs. Growing up in my experience as of late, has a lot to do with neglect in my upbringing. It's hair of all things that just so happens to be the common thread for me, and looking at my hair now, is a clear indicator of "a-lot-of-shit-went-down." And I did not have a pleasant or stable upbringing at all. And I do credit my parents' reactions to be unconscious and an unfortunate result of the traumas they come from.

But still, every one's responsible for their actions.

My mother would gel my hair back with way too much gel. It got so bad that the skin behind my ears would shed. When I went back to bandanas, I remember a school assembly (this was 2008) where the Principal opened a panel with the school about Dress Code. Different students stood up to talk about what bothered them about the dress code. About tucking shirts, buttoning up buttons and wouldn't you guess it: Head Covers.

This one kid said into a microphone, "I don't like it when people cover their hair. Not everyone wears it, so why go against the code?"

And I just felt wrong in so many ways. I share this today to really shed light on the town I live in, the town I'm stuck in. And it hasn't changed much in 14 years.

From one traumatic experience to another, it's very strange how these ripple effects happen. But it's real and to this day I cringe whenever someone touches my hair. It is not long, straight, smooth or shiny anymore. It is short, thick, curly, frizzy and wide.

But that's just my natural hair, right?

The way I see it, touching hair is already an intimate act, is it not? My hair is a part of me, my hair is my crown. Why not protect it? Why not look deeper to how these actions ripple out and the deeper affects they may have?

I had dyed my hair too, and further chemically bleached it a couple of times, that's fair to mention. But if I hadn't of had such a detaching experience with hair, wouldn't I, in turn of knowing its sacred connection to me, wouldn't I have known its worth?

#my history #real life #hair #maori #aboriginal #culture #trauma #storytelling

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echodrops · 4 years

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Home and a Half Pidge Headcanons

An ask I got yesterday reminded me that I never posted the HaaH headcanons for Pidge like I promised, so here they are! (I’ll answer the actual ask as soon as I can with some new material instead of headcanons I already had written... oops...)

Anyway, without further ado, some headcanons for Pidge related to my fic Home and a Half!

Pidge:

- Grew up in the picture of the nuclear family: mom, dad, two kids, dog, nice upper-middle-class house in a quiet neighborhood, dinner on the table at 7:30pm on the dot… Of all the paladins, Pidge had the most stable and “average” childhood… at least on paper.

- In reality, there is not a single person in the Holt family who isn’t eccentric as fuck. Grandma Holt? May or may not still be an active intelligence agent for MI6. The dog? Woofs in Morse code. Auntie Ariana? Has actually seen the Jersey Devil. Colleen Holt? Has killed a man. If you ask Pidge, she’ll say that her upbringing was perfectly normal and she’ll genuinely mean it, but this is a consequence Pidge having no idea what “normal” even means.

Rest under the read more to save your dash:

- Not actually a girly-girl when she was young. Although they’re eight years apart and thus unlikely to be mistaken for one another, very early on Pidge got frustrated by how similar she and Matt look, and she definitely did not want to wear his tacky hand-me-down clothes, so she pitched a royal fit and insisted on wearing dresses and hairbands so that her family would have to buy Pidge all her own things. (They probably would have bought them anyway if she’d just asked calmly, but Pidge was three at the time, and they were all very impressed by her grasp of cause and effect.)

- Of course, when Matt disappeared on the ill-fated Kerberos trip, those tacky hand-me-downs ended up being some of the most important items in Pidge’s life. Even outside of infiltrating Garrison, wearing Matt’s old clothes was one of the few comforts Pidge would allow herself—when she cut her hair and put on his baggy shirts, for a second, looking in a mirror, she could almost convince herself he was still there—

- Pidge has no intention of changing the way she dresses or styles her appearance until she’s reunited with Matt and her father. After that? Well, they may not be the coolest looking things ever, but Matt does have a point that baggy t-shirts are very comfy…

- And okay, because I’m sure everyone expected this headcanon first: Pidge and gender is a surprisingly uncomplicated subject. Side note before I go further: I’m sure everyone has their own headcanons for this and none of what I say here should be taken as rejecting or invalidating any other fan’s views on Pidge. The only thing invalid in the Voltron fandom is canon. Anyway, I personally like to imagine that Pidge is very ambivalent on gender. There is so much else going on—the war, Sam and Matt being missing, freaking giant robot space cats—that sitting down and sorting out the question of “Do I identify as male, female, nonbinary, or anything else?” is just really, really low on Pidge’s to do list. Pidge thinks of Pidge as “Pidge” and even that’s rare because Pidge doesn’t sit around thinking about herself or what other people think of her.

- In fact, what strangers think is, in general, extremely low on Pidge’s radar. Although she used to be more self-conscious due to bullying from both classmates and her teachers, the combination of her parents’ consistent support and Matt’s… extreme tactics (“I’m telling you Pigeon, nanobots in their lunches will solve all your problems.” “That’s illegal, Matt.” “Nothing is illegal until you get caught.”) Pidge (mostly) overcame the phase of being affected by other people’s opinions. Who cares what strangers think? Absolutely none of them will ever be even close to as smart and talented as her family anyway. (My IQ is three times yours, your argument about my gender is literally invalid.)

- By the way, I’m using “her” simply because that’s what I’m used to seeing in the fandom and to keep the fic and headcanons consistent, but in the functional world of HaaH, Pidge answers to any pronouns and doesn’t have a preference for any set in particular over others. In fact, Pidge is used to going by different sets of pronouns coming from different people, and might be “he” to one person, “she” to another, and “they” to yet someone else. Pidge is just… Pidge.

- Again, with the war and Voltron and missing family and literally everything else going on--and the fact Pidge is far more practical than all of the rest of her fellow Team Voltron members combined--she isn’t wasting time and energy doing something as troublesome as falling in love with an alien. (“Keith, can’t your melodrama wait until after we win the war?” “My drama waits for no man.” “Then please explain how you and Lance manage to engage in synchronized dumb-fuckery at least three times a week.”) Eventually, after life has settled down and Pidge has had some time to think about it, she’ll realize that the reason she somehow managed to avoid any romantic entanglements in space isn’t because she’s just much more mature than her teammates (although this might be true)—it’s that she’s just not really interested in romantic engagements with anybody, period.

- Pidge’s one true love is discovery; she feels far more passionate about knowledge and learning new things, encountering new puzzles, and grasping new concepts than she does about anything else. In between all her creations and codes and experiments and observations, it just doesn’t feel like there’s room—or that there needs to be room—for a romantic relationship with a real person.

- Pidge will make room for friends though, if and when they insist on worming their ways into her life. She tends to be a fairly private person who has never really had a large friend group (back on Earth, before Garrison, there wasn’t anyone but Matt and her parents who really understood her, and she didn’t have much in common to discuss with children her own age), but once someone earns Pidge’s trust, she does open up and form close bonds and she will give her all to help and be there for her few, but close, friends.

- Meeting Hunk at Garrison was a huge revelation. Up to that point in Pidge’s life she had never really met any young person outside her own family with a soaring genius-level IQ that was a match for her own. Although she and Hunk bicker frequently because their approaches to science are extremely different, she’s still over-the-moon to have someone who doesn’t stare at her like she’s talking gibberish whenever she goes off on one of her tangents.

- If you ask Pidge, she will violently swear up and down that Lance never and in. no. way. reminds her of Matt, fills in for Matt in the lame-older-brother role, or helps her miss her brother just a little bit less. That did not happen, never had a chance of happening, what are you even talking about—

- But if you ask about Shiro, she will be flat-out honest and admit she totally thinks of him as Space Dad. It’s not her fault. Shiro literally hero worships Sam Holt (still to this day!!) and may or may not have taken on more of his mentor’s mannerisms in order to fill the leadership role for Team Voltron. Sometimes Shiro will say or do something and Pidge will be absolutely dumb-struck because he got that from my dad is an actual thing she has to deal with.

- “Pidge” is actually a derivative of “Pigeon.” Everyone in the Holt family has a bird-based code name. Mr. Holt is Eagle Two.

- People often get the impression that Pidge is scatterbrained because she can talk about ten different things at once and pounces on leaps in her own logic that other people just can’t follow, but her thoughts and speech are very organized. It’s not her fault you couldn’t understand her system of organization if you tried.

- Put Pidge on the spot on a subject she doesn’t know, though, and watch the awkward jump right out. (“Oh, you meant the pop band Galileo, not the person. You know, that’s really an easy mistake to make. You can hardly blame me when you stop to consider all the similarities between modern chord progression and the trajectory of supermassive objects like—”)

- And if it’s not awkward, it’s defensive. Pidge may be hyper-intelligent, but she’s still very, very young, and it’s hard not to get snappish when challenged by people whose opinions she really does care about. She has a far quicker temper than Matt (who is a “revenge is a dish best served cold” champion), a trait she shares with their mother. Colleen, in turn, blames it on her having been born in New Jersey. Pidge has flipped so many tables on the Castleship that Coran and Lance eventually went around and bolted them all down.

- Do not even so much as hint that Sam and Matt Holt might be dead instead of just missing in space. Keith is still scared after his last attempt at reasoning with Pidge about her family’s fate.

- Has a bad hoarding habit. Back on Earth she had her parents there to insist she clean her room at least once a week, but in space, things are getting a bit crazy. The Castleship closets and cabinets can hyper-condense their contents and she’s STILL running out of room for all the neat doodads and parts and scientific wonders she finds on their adventures across the galaxy. Is definitely in the “Look, there’s still a mostly clear path to the door; it’s fineee” category. It’s not like she finds it hard to let things go once she’s gotten attached to them or anything. Nope. Definitely not.

- Pidge’s mess is absolutely of the “everything has a proper place” type though. Move anything with her name on it and you will feel her wrath.

- As the only one of the Earth paladins to have technology on her when they were unexpectedly swept off to war, everyone on the ship relies on Pidge’s laptop for their monthly dose of Earth nostalgia. Good thing for them Pidge and Matt’s pirating skills put Pirate Bay to shame, and she’s got basically every Earth movie from 1980 to the present. She even has every episode of the timeless classic F.R.I.E.N.D.S. (Keith hates that show with a burning passion that even he cannot explain.)

- Speaking of technology Pidge had on Earth—every single person in the Holt family is (and has been for decades) aware of the existence of aliens. Pidge’s family tree has been involved in communications, radio wave technology, and interpreting space observations since those fields were first invented. When Earth first identified patterns of waves that obviously corresponded to alien communications going on outside Earth’s galaxy, Pidge’s great- great- grandfather was there. When world governments covered up the discovery, he was the loudest voice of dissent. Since then, the Holt family has been deeply involved in military and space operations across several countries, operating from within an oppressive system they fundamentally disagree with, using their positions of authority to monitor the Milky Way and beyond, keeping tabs on what the aliens might be saying—and what messages Earth might be inadvertently sending back.

- Of course this is top secret work—secret even from the Garrison and government where the Holts were employed. Other kids learn how to play piano and soccer; Pidge and Matt learned how to hack virtually impenetrable military databases and hide their data behind uncrackable ciphers instead.

- But the Kerberos Mission was supposed to be safe. They’d all monitored the chatter so closely—there hadn’t been anything hostile anywhere even near Earth’s galaxy, no sign at all of any technologically advanced race like the Galra in years and nothing about one little Earth mission that would disturb any other intergalactic travelers anyway… Why would they...

- Pidge is surprisingly athletic for a self-professed nerd. With youthful energy to burn and a family to save, Pidge took to Allura and Coran’s intense Altean training like a duck to water, and while she’s not quite Shiro or Keith when it comes to hand-to-hand combat, she can definitely holds up better than Hunk or Lance.

- Favorite color is actually yellow, and if Green wasn’t totally The Coolest™ lion, she’d be sort of salty about Hunk getting the Yellow Lion instead.

- Absolutely capable of cursing up a blue storm, and hasn’t been friends with Hunk quite long enough yet to remember to censor herself around him all the time like Lance does with his “Holy crow!”s. She’s trying, dammit!

- Big on pets. Gets attached to pet-shaped creatures (whether living or robotic) very easily. 110% kept the space caterpillars, who live happily free-roaming the piles of space junk in her bedroom. The space caterpillars and the space mice do not get along, however, as the space mice do not take well to having their status as the favored fuzzy team mascot squad threatened. In their micro-Cold War, which is occurring without any of the ship’s humanoid occupants being aware, the space caterpillars are currently winning.

- The caterpillars’ names are Copernicus, Kepler, and Newton.

- Remember that one post about Lance drawing angry brows on the space caterpillar and siccing it on Keith? I very much accept that as canon. Pidge was Not Happy™ when she found out what Lance had done and she is NOT letting anyone else near her caterpillars again any time soon. Is very, very careful not to let Niresh see the space caterpillars so that they don’t end up stolen right from under her nose.

- Speaking of the kids, Pidge is super awkward with them and skedaddles at the first sign of tears. Next to Allura, there is probably not any member of the team worse suited to babysitting duty. That said, as someone who has lost members of her family in the war, Pidge is probably the member of the team who most directly understands Dulsara’s anger and the children’s loss. That doesn’t mean she’s really ready to let herself sympathize with the Galra though, at least not until she finds her own family first.

- Pulls all the most bullshit moves in Monsters and Mana. Whenever the team reminiscences on the truly legendary moments from their campaigns, somehow Pidge is the star in all of them.

And that’s all I’ve got for now!

#pidge #Voltron #Pidge headcanons #voltron headcanon #HaaHVLD #Home and a Half #voltron fanfic

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lgcmax · 4 years

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𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐎 ! i’m coming to you with a very late intro, i know, but i swear i’m not usually this unprepared !! anyways, my name is jada, and this is my chaotic baby maxwell “ MAX ” choi ! i love him to death already and can’t wait to start writing with him ! i was here long ago with the short-lived yet beloved zhao chenglei, but life got in the way ! the two are very different, yet i’m even more stoked to be here the second time around & get things going ! i did create him kind of spontaneously, so his plots & bio page is still wip, but you can find his profile here, and some trivia & plot bunnies below ! oh, and LIKE THIS if you’d like to plot, maybe ? i’ll stop talking now, but i hope to hear from you soon !

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘 !

first generation canadian who hails from toronto, canada ! a snow baby forever and always, he loved living there and has nothing but good memories there !

he was born maxwell choi, and he’s still called that by family and some old friends, but once he got to middle school he felt the name was too fancy and wasn’t fitting so dropped the “well” and just became MAX !

though he’s canadian, he’s never really felt he was lacking in terms of his korean identity ! both his parents were born and raised there, korean is actually his first language, and he was taught english through school. since he was two he’s been going to korea for the summer to visit his family, too, so he’s always felt really connected to his culture !

his dad’s a car salesman at his own dealerhsip, and his mom’s an attorney, so he’s lived a really comfortable life. it’s easy to see where his charisma comes from, too ! growing up his dad was more involved in his upbringing, while his mom was on the colder side, so he’s closer to him as he’s the one who was the most loving toward him then and now !

he was expected to take over his dad’s position at the dealership when he was older, but as he grew up he noticed his absolute lack of passion for the career. he thought it fit his dad well, yet couldn’t see him doing something like that !

but during his teenage years he discovered his love for rap ! he always loved listening to it, but when he started rapping along he discovered his true passion.

he didn’t really know what to do with that, however, as it wasn’t a very stable career ! it wasn’t until 2016 when he met someone online through a video game & they became friends that things changed ! they would talk a lot & eventually they introduced him to the world of kpop and ... boom ! everything changed for him. when he realized it wasn’t all girls in frilly skirts ( which hey, wasn’t too bad either ) he found himself being engulfed in this entirely new music genre !

fast forward all the way to 2019, when he auditioned for the company ! it was in january, and there was no way he thought he was gonna make it. they were giving out cds to those who auditioned, and he really just wanted to hear some haru, but it was quite literally the biggest surprise of his life when he got accepted !

his mom was enitrely, and i mean e n t i r e l y, against the idea. she thought a career in the idol industry was fleeting and not profitable and thought it was an embarrassment for him to be apart of. while his father wasn’t thrilled and still has hopes for him to inherit the dealership, he was content seeing his son happy and hoped for his success.

so off max went, to the big city of seoul !! unlike some foreign trainees it wasn’t some great transition for him, in fact he adjusted pretty well ! he had the benefit of being well-travelled and having visited the country often, as well as being comfortable in his korean.

it wasn’t all peaches and roses, however, and he did have some difficulty ! it was the first time he was coming to stay, so he had a tendency to get homestick, and despite everything, he still stuck out. he had a lot of mannerisms, style choices, and just obvious indicators he was a foreigner. he also had to finish off the last semester of his senior year in korea, and he was bummed he missed out on those senior year experiences like graduation, senior parties, and just being with the people he’d grown up with !

whenever he was having trouble, he couldn’t really call home either, since he knew they doubted him and didn’t want to give them any more reason to ! he’s not really the type to share when he’s feeling down, so he really internalized a lot of his emotions at the time, and the bit that he didn’t he confided in with his few friends he’d made by then. definitely a bit of a rough patch for him !

he also may have had some trouble getting along with trainees ! he has a very blunt & extroverted personality, which didn’t really fit with typical korean social norms !

aside from that, max was a LOT more chill than some of these people. he was passionate about rapping, but some trainees were “debut-or-die” level and he just wasn’t that far ! he’d just kind of look at them like .... why are you making this such a big deal ? i’m just here to have fun ?? so he had a tendency to slack off a lot during the first few months of training and try to bend the rules as much as he could behind the trainer’s backs without getting caught ! which i can imagine would get on some trainee’s nerves.

he does go to university, a condition by his parents for letting him go to korea. he’s a music production major and marketing minor at the moment, but he’s changed his mind quite a few times ! honestly, he’s not all that interested in attending school, but doesn’t have much of a choice and knows it’s an important backup should this whole idol thing not work ! he does enjoy the social life he gets from it, though, because he would’ve had a much harder time adjusting and meeting friends had he not been in school.

now, he’s still pretty sluggish, but after a few company punishments, he’s shaping up and learning how to work harder. he just passed his year anniversary training with the company, and though he has a lot to learn he’s showed promise in his time there !

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 !

very extroverted !!! and he always has been. he feels really comfortable and large environments and is the main reason he thrives as an idol ! can and will pick up a conversation with just about anyone, particularly those who aren’t like him but rather on the more introverted spectrum !

like stated before, he doesn’t really like talking about his emotions if they’re personal / negative. it makes him uncomfortable & awkward and thinks it makes everyone else feel that way too, so avoids it like the plague. if he’s emotional with you ... you’re a keeper !

tends to make light out of every scenario, due to his optimistic nature. he has the mentality that life’s too short to be stressed, so does his best to avoid it whenever he gets the chance ! it can be appropriate at times, and sometimes people perceive it as him not taking things seriously, but really he’s trying to make things better !

a little cocky, considering his lack of experience. he kind of thinks he’s the s***, and he honestly could use a little more humility ! but he’s used to being held on this sort of pedestal, and because of it has a looot of confidence a lot of the time !

very loyal, once you befriend him he’s yours for life ! he values trust and longevity in a friendship, so does his all to give it to you. on the other hand, if you lose his trust, things .... get a little disastrous. he isn’t one to forgive something like that and will quite literally block someone out his life if they do break his trust.

on that note ... he’s also very stubborn !! he likes things the way he wants them, and can hold a grudge for years if he wants to. this is one of the exceptions to his “ hakuna matata ” mentality lmao, but he’s working on it ! he used to have trouble accepting criticism from trainers if he didn’t agree with them, but is slowly getting better at listening to feedback in order to improve.

tends to be a little manipulative ! he doesn’t mean to use it maliciously, but it does sometimes go like that. like i said, he’s got that desire to win other’s over to get what he wants like his parents, so ... that can translate into a little deception !

loves loves loves video games !!! will talk about them all day, if you ask. he’s been hooked ever since the first time he got a controller in his hand and is always looking for some new gaming buddies !

has a secret tiktok account that he can’t really publicize but people have to know ?? he just renegades too good not to have some practice folks

he compulsively says “ let’s get it ” and “ boom ” like the joke he is and it’s a problem, really !! someone please call him out or just .... stop him

also !! he is entirely too CLUMSY for his good. he trips over people, trips over his own limbs, trips over a i r !! there’s just no telling with this guy. he’s so stupid when it comes to coordination, i swear, i almost worry he needs to see a doctor lmao !! but thank god for his clumsiness coming in handy at the exact moment he needs to have a little humility.

𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐒 !

the friend he played video games with who introduced him to kpop ( see above ) !! they’ve been friends for roughly 3 years now and they’re the reason he even considered pursuing a career as an idol, so i imagine they’ve grown pretty close ! since they played online, this person doesn’t have to be from canada, and really any muse that knew korean or english well enough to communicate back then !

are there any canadian muses ?? i’m not sure ! if there is, i’d love to have some childhood friends who he grew up with ! give me all the angst, softness, or romance that you can muster up !! i love a good backstory.

some friends who he spent the summers in korea with ! he visited june through august of every year, and sometimes spent other holiday breaks there. so there’s definitely a chance for them to grow close ! maybe even a short-lived romance where they hadn’t expected to meet again ??

a senior / older trainee who showed max the ropes ! while he knew a good deal about korea he didn’t have a clue about being a trainee, so definitely could’ve used a bit of help there !! unintentionally this person became a sort of parental figure to max, even if they didn’t mean to or if they’re not significantly older ! either way, they were his first real source of support since the move, and nowadays he’s still very close to them and looks to them for any sort of help or advice he needs !

pleeeeease give him a little crush !! he goes out his way to impress those that he likes, and turns into a true softie !! on the other hand, a bitter exes plot or even exes on good terms could be fun too ! can you tell i’m a romantic yet ? 😥

someone who’s entirely put off by the thought of max ! someone who, unlike him, is planned, logical, or very cutthroat and passionate about becoming an idol ! give me someone to nitpick him for his lifestyle, and someone for him to bicker with and just create a little drama !!

video game buddies !! he doesn’t have the whole setup like he used to back home, but he does nearly always have his switch on him if your muse is in the mood for a little friendly competition !! fair warning .... he does get competitive !

male dorm h and male rookie evening trainee group gang, let’s go !! that’s a lot to say, but in simple terms, if your muse trains or dorms with him let’s get something going ! max is still a new trainee and needs some friends to spend the long days with, he promises to make it worth their while !! max has the power of making nearly every scenario entertaining, after all !

#lgc:intro #this is so late i'm sorry :c #but i filled this to the brim with content !!#also tysm for the cute welcomes !! i've heard my notifs going off & am getting to everything asap !!#also i'll rb this tomm !!

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whetstonefires · 5 years

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I see lots of potential with your Damian clones fic! I've always wondered how Damian and Tim would get along if Damian wasn't programmed to kill Tim. With your fic, you could explore the Tim-Damian dynamic 7 (or was it 6?) ways! I kinda imagine each clone representing a side/aspect of Damian (but ofcourse they're still characters in their own right). Plus the kids are hella cute

Thanks! And...huh, that’s an interesting thought. Tim and Damian’s relationship was very much defined by Damian’s relentless antagonism, so yeah, it would have been completely different if not.

And then you’ve got two options--Damian’s still an asshole as default interaction metric and just has no particular antipathy toward Tim for some reason, or Damian has a major personality overhaul and isn’t a dick just generally, which would change all his relationships.

...the fact that DC aged Damian up three years via retcon without changing his behavior or appearance or really how people react to him bugs me a lot. Ten to thirteen are really major years in the socialization process. A ten-year-old child who insults everyone he meets and throws food at the wall is considerably less likely to grow up to be a man who abuses his power over others than a 13-year-old who does the same thing. He’s not only got more time to sort himself out, he’s in a more plastic stage of identity formation.

(This is also why I feel like Bruce’s parents dying when he was 8 is more consistent with his characterization than 12. But I digress.)

The thing about these kids, though, is how much they aren’t Damian.

They’re going to have a lot in common, of course; they’ve got the genes for his sturdy build and precision of motion, for example, and I suspect a certain amount of the tendency toward drama is genetic lmao. And they share a frame of reference in the League.

But Damian and the septuplets had very different experiences of childhood in the League of Shadows. Damian’s entire upbringing centered around being special--the heir, the son-of. He was required to be a prodigy, and expected to perform to a high standard specifically in contrast to others, and to win. And his mother loved him, and it wasn’t explicitly a conditional love, but...

Meanwhile, the clones were not special. They were disposable, even. They weren’t anyone’s personal kids. They could die in fights or accidents, and no special efforts would be made to fix them. Nobody loved them. They were encouraged to view one another as rivals, but not all that hard and mostly in terms of how whoever was lowest in status at a given time was vulnerable to being broken down for spare parts. (This didn’t happen often, but it always potentially could.) They were expected to excel, but not to the same level, and not on an individual basis but to par with the group.

Even within the same overall conceptual framework, the contrast between being assumed to have value and having to maintain that status, versus being presumed to have very little value and having to avoid having none is actually considerable, and the difference between the primary risk associated with failure being loss of identity versus being literally trashed is greater.

It’s not that Damian’s life wasn’t occasionally seriously threatened during his training, but that was never the primary threat he was dealing with, more of a tactical goad, and it’s very much not what his anxieties center around.

This latter fact has been dealt with in canon mostly as a symptom of brash youth, but it also speaks to how Talia (and to a lesser extent Ra’s) very much wanted him alive, and he was secure that as long as this remained true he was probably fine no matter what. In spite of his various hardships, his childish sense of immortality remained intact.

(They do call her Mother but Talia very firmly and almost entirely successfully partitioned the clones as ‘not her sons,’ both because even though she did partly send Damian to Bruce to protect him she was not emotionally prepared for his rejection and is still reeling, and because they were literally made to be expendable, spare bodies, and her sense of self-preservation is too well-developed to allow herself to get attached. The same way if you work in the sheep industry you can’t get too sentimental about the lambs, because a certain number are meat.

She still didn’t like them getting hurt or anything but it was in the category of One Of Those Things, it wasn’t personal.)

One of the things this divergence has meant, in this case, is that unlike Damian the septuplets are very sensitive to adult approval from a survival perspective. So while they’re not actually submissive unless you give them no other options, they have a certain inclination to conciliate as a first resort.

While Damian, of course, is a provocative hellion, because making a point of his strength and importance was how he learned to register his value, and being ignored or disrespected constitutes an existential threat in the schema he was given as a child.

And yet, at the same time--because they didn’t receive focused personal attention from their caretakers, the cloneboys aren’t nearly as inclined toward emotional dependence on adults. They eventually, somewhat covertly, learned to depend on each other. That’s their security. They don’t bleed the need to be accepted. They’d benefit from stable adult attachment figures, even kind of want them to varying individual degrees, but they don’t need them, not acutely.

While both Damian’s parents and his favorite brother have a very easy time breaking his heart. So, the clones are much more cooperative than Damian, but also much harder to manipulate, and harder to secure the loyalty of.

And of course the effect gap of having your identity founded on singularity versus barely distinguished from peers is profound.

They are individuals, but they’re acutely codependent, so neither Tim nor anyone else can have a relationship with any one of them that doesn’t built on and influence the relationship with the group.

So, really, no matter where I take the story, Tim’s relationships with the individual clone kids are going to barely resemble any potential relationship he could have had with Damian in alternate timelines where Damian wasn’t one of codependent septuplets, which is...almost all of them, I presume. Sorry to disappoint on that front!

#prompt 5 #fanfic #the damian clones #meta #clone rights #amateur child psych #damian wayne #codependency #people say nice things #hoc est meum #The batfam has a lot of sibling dynamics but in a way they’re all only-children #these seven emphatically are not.#a nonny mouse #ask

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lystsyn-blog · 5 years

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event ;; subversion

shared.

- two estranged daughters of a rich ceo with a family company centered in fibonacci.

- their father is a Strict believer in absolutely rigid gender roles, and so despite the fact that vira was objectively more suited to succeed their father, her brothers -- all equally incompetent -- were considered in her stead. the sisters were taught separately, raised separately; they rarely saw their father at all unless it was to berate them.

- chevalier, born mute, was even less wanted than her headstrong sister. whereas their brothers were scared of vira, they regularly picked on her; their father lamented that she would not even make a good wife.

- vira studied outside her authorized subjects that she was tutored for, trying in vain to prove her worth over that of her brothers, to which she was met with only disapproval, even as she far outpaced them in a far shorter time period.

- long story short, vira blew up on him, after which he calmly, condescendingly informed her that he was raising two daughters and three sons, not five sons, and she would do well to remember her role.

- at this point, having blown through any and all goodwill left to them, they exited his office and resolved to put their lives as coddled, caged rich sisters, and stepped out into the world with only each other as support.

- it took a while to establish themselves and get jobs, but they both prefer life like this, now. there’s nowhere near as much luxury, but neither of them would trade all the money in the world for freedom and personal agency.

- they’re comfortable enough apart from each other now to spend prolonged periods of time separated, but they are each more stable in the other’s presence.

vira lillie, 22 ; spirale city police detective.

- the first half of the runaway duo. vira went through every effort to cover their tracks; their real surnames are something only chevalier and vira know, and neither of them are keen on sharing.

- when she’s not being entirely aloof, she is harsh, volatile, and intense in every emotion she expresses, positive or negative.

- has a reputation for being harsh and uncompromising with her opinions.

- is either sickeningly, perfectly polite or ruthlessly blunt; she tends to make her choice depending on what might allow her to exert the most control over a situation.

- despite her demeanor, is actually a very caring person, but simply doesn’t know how to express it, for the most part. genuine concern often manifests as stern lecturing.

- rarely makes connections with others, and is stubbornly resistant to chevalier’s encouragement to open up more easily to her peers. still, she counts a few close friends among her social circle.

- has a soft spot for children struggling in life because of her own lack of a properly nurturing parent + childhood.

- takes her job very seriously. she’s rumored to have the sharpest intuition in her department, with an ability to read people to match.

- has a consistent streak of success on criminal cases involving upper-class corruption, partially due to her own upbringing in a family built on decidedly dirty money.

- is inseparable from her sister, and will take anyone who talks down to chevalier or mocks her and make their lives a living hell. that is, if her sister doesn’t do the same first.

- is plainly unavailable to men. don’t try it. the precinct still talks about how those first few rejections went down. she does longingly wish for something like a storybook love, but never allows herself to move past flirting with women for fear of emotional vulnerability.

- a hobbyist violinist. standing in stark contrast to that hobby, she is also knowledgeable about fencing, though she’s not had even a practice match in years.

- is fluent in sign language for the sake of her sister ( and was the only member of her family that bothered. ) they both remember many evenings spent relaxing on the floor in soft pillows when they were young, before they knew the expectations leveled at them, chevalier patiently teaching her sister and offering her a gentle smile when she made mistakes.

chevalier, 20 ; spirale metro library archivist.

- the second half of the runaway duo. an individual who often seems to slip into something of a dreamlike state;

- born mute, but works in a setting where that doesn’t present much of a problem.

- communicates through usage of sign language if someone displays a willingness to be receptive and respectful, but otherwise doesn’t bother, and makes use of mostly gestures and facial expressions while tuning out those who are too much effort to be worth her time.

- another alternative and one that she quite enjoys for the inclusion of emojis is texting! chevalier will text your cost-per-text plan into the ground. and she loves emojis.

- keeps a notepad on her in the event that she is both forced into an interaction that she cannot just serenely drift away from if she doesn’t like where it’s going.

- has a preternatural ability to communicate with and attract cats, and specifically cats. she eventually persuaded vira to adopt and keep healthy two strays that had grown attached to her ( and though vira’s loathe to admit it, she begrudgingly acknowledges that yes, despite all the trouble with vet bills, the cats were the right decision, she loves them a ton. )

- their names are lux and umber; she’s an excitable golden-furred tabby, and he’s a rather subdued tortoiseshell, respectively.

- she has connected with a few of her coworkers and others she has met in the community, and is always encouraging vira to do the same. between the two, she is more outgoing, but also a lot more spacey. chevalier approaches life with a broad, slightly-blurred focus. she looks to the forest, but occasionally finds herself forgetting the trees.

- sleeps a lot. she tires extremely easily, both physically and socially.

- regards everyone with a degree of emotional detachment that takes some time to get used to. she’s not ignoring you, she just has always had trouble expressing herself fully.

- actually is better at reading people than vira, though her appearance and attitude often lead towards people writing her off as airheaded and naive. make no mistake; she’s the sharper of the two, and she makes sure to give her sister eerily insightful advice whenever she feels it necessary.

- enjoys baking, and sometimes delivers pastries to their hall neighbors in their townhouse in cotes.

#ableism tw #event: subversion pt1 #this is long and unlike eve's its mostly bulletpoints #parental neglect tw

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ascendingmoon · 7 years

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Neptune thru the Houses

1st house – these individuals experience confusing and blurriness when it comes to placing their identity. They are unsure of who they are and what their role is on this planet. These people tend to be hyper-sensitive to their environment, acting like a sponge, picking up and absorbing the energies and feelings of the people around them. Neptune here gives the first impression to others as being a compassionate, sensitive, and understanding soul, therefore you may find that many people feel as if they can confide in you and pour their heart out to you, even if you may not know them that well. It just comes with being a neptunian person. However, neptune in the 1st individuals will have boundary issues, specifically between yourself and other people. This placement can lead to mimicry, a poor sense of self, and taking the role as a “mirror” – just reflecting other people. It’s easy for these people to act as a martyr and for others to take advantage of their selflessness/compassion.

2nd house – those with neptune here desire a deeper understanding for the value of money and their possessions. Neptune dissolves and blurs, so this may take place when it comes to the individual’s income/money/possessions. The person may be obsessed with money, maybe not even obsessed with having it, but could be obsessed with other people who have it. They can see money has being the main root of solving all of their problems, as their savior in life that will heal them from all. They also may feel like the world owes them some kind of favor, leading to an unexplained feeling of self-entitlement. On the other hand, they can feel ashamed or guilty for having what they own, and undeserving of it. Individuals with neptune in the 2nd should re-evaluate their self worth, their self esteem tends to fluctuate often throughout their life as well. They also might be the type of person to always be dissatisfied with what they own and constantly want more.

3rd house – neptune in the house of the mind, communication, and short distance traveling can confuse and scatter the individual who has it. The positive attributes of neptune being linked with mercury/the house of thinking is the natural and innate intuition and ability to pick up on the undercurrents and vibes in their surrounding environment. What they lack is logical thinking/reasoning and practicality. Neptune, the planet of fantasy and rich imagination, blesses this person with these qualities as well. They tend to make great storytellers, making you feel like you’ve experienced just about everything right there with them. This person can develop a selective perception though – only seeing what they want to see. Neptune is a trickster; fooling us into what is beautiful or lovely constantly. We overlook the bad things and cover them up with neptune’s delusions and blindness. Individuals with this placement may be so open minded that they confuse other people’s thoughts for their own, because neptune is such a dissolving planet that completely diffuses boundaries and links us all together as one. 3rd house also rules siblings; maybe the native with this had to take care of a sibling, or was extra sensitive to them, or maybe they were an only child who longed so desperately for another sibling to have. Neptune here makes great poets, writers, and artists, having a mind full of beauty, it just comes naturally to them, causing them to lack in normal everyday verbal communication.

4th house – plenty of people with neptune in the 4th can either tell you that their childhood was spent playing with rose colored glasses, or that it was probably horrible. The 4th house rules a person’s roots; their upbringing, their background/where they came from, the mother (sometimes). Even if the individual experienced some kind of suffering as a child, or their childhood was the typical “perfect” upbringing, they can experience an almost painful feeling nostalgia and yearning to be back. This placement can be an indicator of emotional abuse from the father or the mother depending on what this house represents for you (mainly, the parent that provided the most nurturing). The mother may have been very mentally or physically ill, and the individual with neptune here may have spent much time in their childhood taking care of them. There may have been a case of infidelity – mother/father had an affair, marriage was ruined, etc. The person with this placement was usually called upon to make sacrifices in the home or for the home, pretty often, for whatever reason. The household may have been filled with delusion and/or lies, maybe ridden with drugs/drug addicts/alcoholics, maybe artists and inspirational individuals, visionaries and maybe the individual was raise with much spirituality. The mother might have been just as hyper sensitive. The family might have taken in strays; animals or people, and the individual now may continue to do this in their own home in the future. You may have lived by the sea/a body of water and desire to in the future.

5th house – with neptune in the house of pleasures, romance, children and creativity, it can be as good as it is bad. Neptune here brings the gift of beautiful creative expression and a knack for painting/the arts. Though, you may have felt guilty in your younger years for even just wanting to have fun, and this feeling may follow you around still. You may give up things for what you love often, like giving up a stable job to continue being involved in some area of the arts, or maybe drugs. Having an outlet to pour their emotions into is very important for these people because it comes to naturally to them. Romantically, they feel this on another level. Neptune is the higher octave of venus, enabling a limitless capacity to love and be loved. They can fall for people who are unavailable or abusive though so be careful. This placement could lead to issues in drugs, gambling or sex addictions as well. Neptune could get so lost and entranced by the house of pleasures that it can’t get out. These people can feel martyred by children, feeling that they stopped them from being able to do other things with their life, or that the child saved them from themselves or life itself.

6th house – neptune, ruling pisces, in it’s opposite ruler’s house, mercury/virgo, can lead to some obvious difficulties. For one, virgo/the 6th house rules order and organization. Neptune dissolves everything in touches and doesn’t understand this too much. Neptune here can result in neglecting organization in the everyday life and the body itself; this placement is notorious for strange illnesses and conditions. You’ll find that the person with neptune here could be labeled as “spontaneous” but more so in the sense that they just go with the flow of things because they’re incapable of organization/ordering their day to day life. Positively, they may seek jobs in healing or occult areas, enabling the proper use of their gifts in a way the 6th house approves of; putting it to work instead of letting it pile up and be ignored.

7th house – individuals with this placement are usually seeking a partner to save them or to save. The boundaries between them and other people are usually non-existent as well. They believe in unreachable levels of romance, they idealize relationships so much and romanticize things that should not be romanticized. They may be drawn to or attract those that are drug addicts, alcoholics, criminals, people with bad reputations/shady pasts, victim-types, or unstable/mentally ill people. They’re the most common to get wounded bird syndrome. The other side of them is being drawn to artists, musical geniuses, visionaries/inspirational types and gurus. These people experience relationships on an almost complete psychic level, and relationships are an awakening for them. Love is the key to fix all their problems, and nothing in life is worth it unless there is love for these people. They are very selfless in love, though sometimes they may spend so much of their time and energy saving another person that when they realize they are getting nothing back, or the relationship is really not what they thought it was at all, they can experience such profound and extreme hurt, disappointment and betrayal. There can also be a danger of scandal/problems with lawsuits if neptune is badly aspected. They may also be scapegoated by others because of their compassion and vulnerability to others. They may take jobs in social work, therapy, psychology, counseling or the arts.

8th house – besides the home of neptune (the 12th house), the 8th house is pretty much the next best thing for this planet. With neptune residing here, the individual’s intuition is very developed and very powerful. Sex is a very spiritual and important experience for these people, as to them it represents a complete spiritual act of merging with another soul to form one. By losing their own boundaries and self within another, they satisfy their spirit as well as their physical self. With the planet of dissolving and confusion in the house of sex, there can definitely be confusion with one’s sexual identity. There can also be a fear of letting go with some people with this placement, especially if neptune is poorly aspected or if saturn is involved somewhere with this. The 8th house rules joint finances and other people’s money, so neptune here can help someone else acquire money or their can be deception and delusion to shared money. They may fantasize frequently about unavailable people, or people they are not involved with currently too. These people can also have very poor coping mechanisms, they can lead to self destructive behavior when sad/depressed/angry. People with this placement usually do not fear death.

9th house – those with neptune in the 9th house of beliefs/higher education and traveling seek salvation and savior through what they believe in. These are the people that are most likely to be drawn towards joining a cult, philosophy, religion, etc. They are entranced by anything that will give them insight on what heaven is like, or what the other side holds in store for them. They usually believe in enlightenment. The problem with this is believing that one faith or belief will hold the answer to absolutely everything, and will solve every problem you have, which leads to severe disappointment and hurt, as neptune does pretty often. They may experience the greatest hurt of all: finding out what they believed in was a lie or fake. The psychic they may have been seeing all along was an alcoholic or mentally ill, or on drugs. The cult was all just made up or stolen from someone else. Their priest went against everything they believed in. These kinds of catastrophes will ruin a neptune in the 9th house’s soul. Travel can be used as method of escapism for these people. When life gets tough, they’re planning a road trip across country, or flying to another country to take a break from it all.

10th house – with neptune here, people look upon this person as a savior, or one that completely understands the struggles of everyone below them. They are drawn to healing professions and have an innate ability to comfort others. These people are usually those that hold a vision of how things should be, or something that no one has thought of before. To give you a better image, JFK had neptune in the 10th and so does bernie sanders. See how idolized they are? They “speak for the people” and want to do what’s right. They hold much compassion for the public and are recognized for this. The downside to having neptune here is the struggle of not knowing what career path you want to take, not knowing what role you have in the public/career’s eye, they may work for shady or corrupt businesses. The father may not have been seen clearly to the individual and may have exhibited some of neptune’s characteristics; addict, alcoholic, absent/abandoned them, hyper sensitive, etc.

11th house – these people believe in having compassion for all of mankind. They usually join spiritual awareness groups or are working for meals on wheels to help serve and give back to the world they live in. They have the tendency of losing themselves in their social life, or becoming too involved, or using it as a escapist method. They could promise too much to others and never follow through with it, but they usually do have good intentions. Their social circle of friends may have many neptunian types. Friends may not see the individual that clearly. They might be notorious/have a shady reputation amongst others socially. They could experience deception or hurt through friendships often and be blind to it. They believe in second chances and that the meaning of life is to help and serve all, because that is what everyone deserves in the end.

12th house – neptune is home in the house of pisces. This is the best house for neptune to be in, besides the fact that it’s home, it is the less dangerous place for neptune to be in. The 12th house works in the background of things; we don’t see it or understand it. Neptune here may give a person great intuition, but high sensitivity to the undercurrents and feelings of others. They may feel guilty for their own feelings at times and as if they have to sacrifice them a lot. Positively, with neptune here, the subconscious or unconscious mind of the individual can be the source of very rich imagination and be used as a source of inspiration for creative endeavors or to gain ideas. Neptune here can also become too involved with the lives of others because they want to escape their own. Anywhere neptune is, compassion is as well. The subconscious of the person may want to escape their own subconscious. They may feel that the world is out to get them and that they cannot escape failure or disappointment, while this may all not be true. They feel as if they have to suffer for other people because no one can match their expectations of a friend or a lover. The person with neptune in the 12th strongly values beauty and harmony, and it is important for them to be surrounded by this or positivity so they don’t try to escape themselves.

#mine #astrology #neptune

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therationalempiricist-blog · 6 years

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“The Man in the brown suit”. The following anecdote is a recollection of true events. They are recounted to the best of my ability. Names of persons or places mentioned have been changed for privacy reasons. As with most ghost stories, sometimes the more simple they are, the better they are. In evaluation, out of all of the ghostly encounters I have had, this one was one of the strongest in memory and one of the most important for me as it , in my mind, consolidated WITHOUT a doubt, that the spirits of the deceased do walk amongst us. My whole life the paranormal has followed me. I didn't often have people I could talk to about my encounters. The kid of people you could swap stories with, chat and try and make sense of it all. Sometimes I felt those who I did open up to used my accounts against me and just wanted to continue my pariahdom throughout my childhood, however, it wasn't until I was in my second year of highschool that I really started to gain friends. They were incredibly understanding and as I would soon find out, empathising friends. One friend in particular could empathise with me on a very similar level, Rebecca. Rebecca and I had both not only had our own encounters with the paranormal but also shared encounters. We talked a great deal about our experiences, our beliefs and our lives. We both had similar challenging upbringings and we really bonded and stuck together because of it. As time went on, gaining more and more independence from our parents and as pressure grew in our final years of Highschool, Rebecca decided it was time to move in with her boyfriend, Lucas and his family. Lucas and his family were very familiar with the Paranormal. Especially Lucas’ dad Peter. Peter was an very intelligent man. It was never confirmed, but I had asked him more than once if he had something along the lines of a Photographic Memory. One thing he did confirm, and speak openly about was his Clairaudience. While he didn't sit around and relay messages from the other side, he did give a good insight into the abilities of others. He was the first person to tell me I was “ a mecca for paranormal beings and spirits” and that they liked my energy. I'm not sure what they saw back then, I was a pretty sad kid most of the time but he had suggested to me once without really saying it, that it was my strength that drew them close. Lucas’ mum Susan seemed to agree when it was suggested. She often supported the “mecca” suggestion when we would chat about our experiences. Rebecca similar to me, seemed to be more of a emotional conduit amongst other things at the time. She quite often had her little psychic hat on and we had alot of fun when she would randomly say what I was thinking, no matter how random it was. But before I knew Lucas’ parents, the first night I ever spent in their home really opened the gateway for me to start confidently asking questions about the other side. They lived in an older suburb, in an older home. Their home and land seemed to have a decent history and held a heritage listing within the local area, though of what grade, I am not sure. The facade of the single story Edwardian-esq 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom residence was cream in colour, weatherboard, with a maroon roof and a dainty white picket fence complete with an ornate wrought iron swinging gate. A thick, heavy wooden door accented with a period original white stained glass horse and horseshoe halo silhouette, held guard at the entrance. Either side, two double sized square windows. The front room of the house, the living room, was the entirety of the original dwelling, being no bigger than 5m by 5.5m. The ceilings still as tall as the day they were erected completed with dark wooden picture rails and Baroque inspired crown moulding. I imagine the real substance of the room would have once been a beautifully abundant fireplace, now covered over with an old 70′s style elemental gas wall heater. The living room always had a weighted gloom about it. Whether it was the partially midnight green walls or the density and height of the trees covering the small front yard absorbing the light, I am not sure. The remainder of the home wasn't much better. There never seemed to be any natural sunlight beaming through the windows. Always a cloud or a shade of some type. It was hard to imagine the residence ever having a luminosity and radiance about it. I don’t know much about who lived in the home or the types of energies they bought with them that perhaps over the decades oppressed and suffocated any brilliance that enter, but what I do know is the original landowner was a Military man (suggested to me WW I but possibly earlier). I was told he built the house, adjacent workshed/ garage and stable himself. If he was accompanied by a family or was alone remains a mystery but I imagine he kept to himself and earnt a keeping dealing with livestock that reside on the remainder of the property. The remains of the original, now roofless stable and original workshed/garage were still on the property and became a boundary lines later down the track when the property was subdivided and more residences established. It was never indicated to me how large his land really was but Susan and Peter quite often would find horse or cow bones in the yard while gardening, so it suggests the owner had space for animals a plenty. When you walked through the remainder of the home it was almost like you were walking through time. Different parts of the house were added on in different decades. You are greeted with this simple but lovely heritage facade, lovely tall ceilings and polished hardwood floors throughout the living area and adjoining matching bedrooms but then followed 50′s/60′s/70′s tacky Linoleum floors, mixed match pastel coloured walls and cupboards and not to mention original worn out plumbing in the bathroom, kitchen and rear laundry/ toilet. It had a lot of history. the kind that costs a fortune to fix and replace! One of which, and one of the creepiest parts of the home was undoubtedly a “bungalow” that was built in the yard. I couldn't pinpoint what era it may have been built in, but we know it had Asbestos and was built out of concrete and chipboard. Very tacky looking shed like structure with a small sink and no immediately obvious purpose. It was built in a such a way that it divided the yard in two horizontally so you could only see the back of the property through the Bungalow windows if looking on from the house. The windows of the Bungalow lined up with the windows in the laundry perfectly and quite often if you were at the laundry sink, say washing your hands, it was a shocking cliche` that you would see shadows moving past in the back of the property where the remains of the stable were. Every person who I had ever spoken to about the rear section of the yard had negative feelings and experiences about it. It just had “Haunted” written all over it. My first impressions of the home being full of activity were pretty accurate. You could feel such a mix of emotion and history in the home. You could almost see everyone who had lived there wondering the through as they might have done so many years before in their stereotypical period garb. Rebecca and Lucas never said straight away they thought the house was occupied by more than just the living. However, when I first visited and expressed my concerns, Rebecca did say she felt the same as me the first time she visited. That in itself said enough. I never imagined though that on that same night I would see what I saw and find out that I wasn't the first. The first time I visited their home was on my 17th birthday. Rebecca thought it would be a good idea to come over and hangout with them and just chill. So that's what I did. After school on a Friday, I walked to down the road to the train station and jumped on. A handful of stops and a short walk later, I was there. I met a couple of Lucas’ friends and we played cards, listened to music did what average 17 year olds did and just chilled out. There were no ghosties that any of us were cognitively aware of, nothing sinister, just happy vibes. Lucas’s mum had told me when I arrived that for many years that house had been full of children coming and going so, i picked up on the fact that Lucas’ parents did not feel unfamiliar or put of by lots of noise. The house at that time, just felt lived in. When it was time to go to bed, Rebecca set me up with the living room on one of the big, white, super comfy and cushy couches, a nice warm blanket and Susan even left the heater on the living room as while it was coming into spring, the nights were still a little cold. Being that I was in a strange house and still afraid of the dark, the orange glow from the heater provided a very nice night light and illuminated the entire living room. In some ways I thought in contrast to my impressions on the house fighting for light during the day, at least it saw a warm glow at night. I was laying there trying my best to go to sleep, but being the insomniac that I am, falling asleep was proving difficult so I just lay there there mulling over the evening and listening the the creeks and cracks of the old wooden floorboards and the tall now sepia walls as the temperature grew colder and the house settled. After counting scallops in the architraves and tassels on the red persian rug, I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I could remember was jerking awake. I do not remember dreaming but if I was, I imagine that I was dreaming about falling or running away from a predator. My whole body had and electric tingle and I could feel my pulse in the ears and hitting my body like a hammer . When I opened my eyes, they were very blurry and sticky because I had stupidly not taken my eye makeup off that night before bed, so I rubbed my eyes. I looked out in front of me and immediately I saw a man standing at just in front of the entrance to the hall. He was an older caucasian man wearing a brown plaid like suit, a white or cream collard shirt, a tie in a similar colour to the suit and a matching Bowler hat and cane. Had a gentle looking face. Not harmful or predatory looking at all. He was standing there illuminated in the orange glow just looking at me. He was standing is such a way that suggested he was walking toward me just before I saw him. I felt my heart drop and for maybe 2 seconds our gazes locked. That short time frame felt like an eternity. A multitude of thoughts ran through my head. “How long have I been asleep for? Who is this? What does he want with me? Don't hurt me! Is this one of Lucas’ Grandpas coming over? Why is he here after we have all gone to bed? Is this a lost neighbour? How did he get in here? Through the back door maybe?” His expression was such that I was expecting him to say something such as “Oh! I didn't mean to scare you” or “Sorry love, Im... I'm just here for” and I was already preparing my replies in my sprinting chain of thought, but, as soon as I blinked, he was gone. I sat up and without hesitation, I realised what I had just seen. I didn’t know if I should be scared or excited or wake up Rebecca and tell her what I had just happened so, I just layed back down, adrenaline pumping. I ran through his expression, the texture of his clothes. I tried to pinpoint what decade he materialised from. Was there any telltale sign? What would his voice have sounded like if he had spoken? What were the colour of his eyes? Was he wearing a wedding ring? What was it like where he came from? Why was he here? Why did I see him? So many questions I may never have answered. It was maddening. Eventually I was exhausted enough to fall back asleep. The next morning I woke to the sounds and voices of Rebecca and Lucas stirring around in their bedroom which was backed on to the living room. I jumped off of the couch and hurtled myself to their room. I quickly collected myself at the door and knocked. Rebecca opened the door and after a casual, “Good morning!”, asked how I had slept. I was just about to start spurting it all out when I heard crockery clinking and unfamiliar voices coming from the kitchen. I pointed toward the kitchen and whispered to Rebecca, “ Who’s that?” She responded with, “Oh! That’s Lucas’ sister, Elle and her partner, Leo”. I tried to remember hearing them come in at any stage during the night or morning but I couldn’t. I must have really been out of it because I am usually a very light sleeper, if I get to sleep that is. Rebecca took me to the kitchen to introduce me. Susan told me that we were having a big breakfast on the front porch because Peter’s parents were coming over, “so better go and have a shower before the hot water runs out!” - The pros of having an ancient Hot Water heater! While I was in the shower, the same questions and thought circled around my head to nowhere, like water down the drain. I was so sure about what I had seen yet so unsure all at once. Was I just delirious from lack of sleep? I had never had hallucinations before. Was I just dreaming and letting my imagination get the better of me? It felt SO real... it couldn’t have been a dream! I pondered countless ways to subtly talk to Rebecca at breakfast but I still felt so indecisive about how to approach the topic, given their whole family would pretty much be there. What would they think of me?? Sitting down to breakfast amongst the introductions and the small talk, I waited patiently to tell Rebecca what had happened and after about five or so short minutes, I finally got my moment. Even though both of us had seen “things” before, either of us had seen a Full Bodied Apparition- a full of ghost, I was half waiting for a throw away remark such as, “ Are you sure? Maybe you dreamt it?” but, she looked at me with a sort of cheeky smile as if she wasn't surprised. Before I could question her expression, Lucas asked what we were whispering about and Rebecca told him, loud enough that the whole table could hear mind you. I was just beyond embarrassed but then Lucas had this very interesting look on his face. It was very similar to the one Rebecca had held on her face not moments ago and before I could even ask, I was interrupted by Lucas’s Grandmother who looked at me with a smile on her face chimed in. “Funny you should say that!” As soon as I heard those words, I just felt goosebumps run over me me and I slumped back in my chair. My mind was racing with possibility. I was so very hoping I wasn't the only one, and it was starting to appear as if I wasn’t. She turned to Lucas, “You may not quite remember, but you were little you used to talk to yourself a lot. I sometimes wondered if it was an imaginary friend or maybe something else but I specifically remember one day, I walked into the living room where you were nicely sitting on the floor playing and chattering away and when I asked you who you were talking to, you turned to me, and said ever so sweetly said, ‘The man in the Brown suit nana’”. As soon as I heard phrase, “The man in the brown suit”, I felt my heart stop. Lucas just said, “ Looks like I am not the only one now.” and everyone had a good laugh. I felt so many emotions crash over me and I had a barrage of questions for Lucas but, he told me he didn’t really remember much. “I remember enough for the story to sound familiar, but I haven't heard from him in years!”. He said with a big sarcastic grin. Even after poking Peter’s gifted mind,or ear rather, for a little while we just bounced ideas and scenarios off each other but in the end we had more questions than answers. Every night since that I spent in their house I had hoped to see him again, to ask him all of the questions I couldn't before. And while we had many Ghostly encounters in the home, it couldn't really be defined who or what was responsible. Many emotions, impressions and vibes. Overall, no one is really sure who the man in the Brown suit was. Maybe he was the original owner of the house? Maybe a long lost relative? Maybe he was just a long lost soul hitching a ride on the Kate Mecca Express! I hope one day, that we will have answers to these questions but for now all I know is that, that was the moment that washed away any doubt I ever had in my mind about Spirits being among us. I have seen first hand that they are and for those that are here with us, I hope that they are happy. I hope that they no longer experience pain or sadness and that they are in a better place. I understand that through experience, it is difficult to communicate with the Spirits of our loved ones but every day we get closer to understanding more about their world and how we can break the barriers. We just have to be persistent and hold onto experiences such as this which make the research all the more worth it! Forever curious, -Kate

#storytime #haunted house #spooky #therationalempiricist #ghosts #ghoststory #spirits #creepy #creepy stories

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