#FUCK ME I HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL FRIDAY

[stonerzelda]

hey

oh fuck my whole world up. reverse image searching immediately

[cheriemariii]

Part 1/5 of that damned jrsih yuri au look book I've been working on for three weeks straight now 🤞 (under the cut :3)

usagi

-what if scrooge mcduck were an insufferable lesbian mostly

-I remember back when i was drafting her i saw someone on twt refer to a character (idk who xd) as “femme prince” and it just stuck with me yknow???????

-so yeah anyways she loves suits. u could be doing your groceries and randomly find this renowned writer wearing the most annoyingly extra suit u have ever seen in ur life.

-and the very few times she is not wearing one (mostly when she is supposed to be chilling at home) she still dresses up like a rich man. as a fun fact, the outfit pictured above is inspired by smth usagi actually wears in the manga jdhsjdhshh

-if she ever wears a dress its only for an extremely formal event that isaka forced her to go to. And ofc it IS something too fancy

-pretty much her entire wardrobe is way too expensive….. and also its huge

-also she likes wearing heels bc she likes being taller than she already is (very much so…..) and she is surprisingly good at walking with them for someone who hates going outside

-her hair always looks the same bc she may not be lazy enough to put on full makeup and dress like she came out straight from a snobby men fashion show somewhere expensive every single day….. but she is too lazy to do her hair.

-killer bod somehow? and will make sure to use it against misakis ~composed japanese woman~ facade at any given opportunity :)

nowaki

-butchbutchbutcbhbutchbutchbutch

-keeping her close to canon :)

-very much into dark plain colors, mostly bc she likes keeping things simple when it comes to clothing. this accidentally makes her look a little bit more intimidating than she actually is tho ;p

-wears sweaters most of the time bc they are comfy and other stuff is a lil harder to find in her size xd

-on a related note, shes not much into shopping bc most stuff she tries fits weird one way or another, so her wardrobe is rather limited (ALTHOUGH hiro is working on expanding it a lil bit 🤞she often gifts her clothing on special occasions, and seems to be the only person who can actually pick stuff that fits her right :3)

-she is hugeeee as already implied xdxd very broad shouldered and fit and muscular (not exaggerated but its definitely there) and strong and and and……… i would even go as far as to keep the canon height (1.86 m if im not mistaken????). Naturally the difference between her and the average japanese woman (hell, even between her and other characters considered “tall” in this au) is waaaay more noticeable, so it draws even more attention

(-from here on i will be using nowaki as a reference to talk about a characters height…..)

-very neat when it comes to her work clothes, but likes to decorate her lab coat with pins and such bc her patients seem to like it :)

-also i dont remember if its ever stablished what happened to the flower shop job but id like to believe she gets to keep it, at least as a weekends thing or smth,, (nowaki seemed to enjoy it idk idk :”3)

-miyagi

-milf. Not in the “older woman with ginormous sex appeal” way, but because she literally looks like someones mom

-(actually, its not rare for people to take her for shinobus mother when they go out together, even if they dont look alike in the slightest jsjsjs this is a bit more comprehensible bc in this au they do have the ages to be mother and daughter (21 and 42), but booooy does shinobu get defensive about it…..)

-quite feminine, but still tries to remain comfortable most of the time (so mostly pants, loose blouses, etc etc)

-has a thing for patterns, specially florals, and specially very colorful or elaborated ones :)

-wears heels often (she likes them ✊)….. and wonders why her back hurts….

-shinobu likes to gift her jewelry :D her earrings remain the same tho bc it hurts to put them back on (i swear it does!!!!!)

-kinda skinny and just slightly taller than the average woman

-very short hair for easy maintenance mostly

-killer skincare routine, but mostly bc shinobu is a little annoying about her aging properly and shares with her a lot of her own stuff xd

asahina

-kind of old fashioned???? I mean most of the references i used seemed to be from like the 70s so ig….

-very feminine, but in a rich (isakas courtesy) church lady kind of way. So very long skirts, high-collared shirts or straight up turtlenecks, thighs….

-to this day isaka remains the only person to have ever seen her bare ankles in the past 20 (or so?) years

-very tall. To the point of not looking like a gremlin next to nowaki at least

-she is also very skinny tho, so in a way she does end up looking quite small in comparison xd

-the scar on her face is bc of the car accident (coughmurdersuicideattemptcough) as a child :) it is mostly hypertrophic scars from the glass and debris falling on her and some burnt skin too, and she cant feel or move that side of her face as much as normal (hence the ever lasting lack of expression…..). It doesn’t look as obvious as i made it seem tho, that was mostly to bring out the fact that its there xd I would love to make a more detailed post about it if only i could draw…….

-the exact same hair and extremely similar silhouette in every look is not a lack of creativity, but a show of how she always strives for consistency and balance and neatness (…..it may be a lack of creativity…..)

ijuuin

-“i have all the ideas very clear in my head” <- me when i lie

-ngl ijuuin was a bit tricky djdhsjhdjsgshs like i could imagine her in my head but not have a very clear concept until a while ago……

-ANYWAYS i recall ijuuin dressing quite classy every once in a while in the manga, so that was what i was going for here kinda?

-cant help but feel she looks a little old fashioned too but in my mind this is what cool asf looks like so idc

-ik she LOVES patterns. Everything colorful and elaborate… She also likes to experiment with them, clashing them together and such

-she goes out on her pajamas a lot more than she should. But puts on her pretentious trenchcoat (inspired by canon!!) to cover it so its okay 👍

-has very beautiful hair and will make sure everyone notices it(hence why she never puts it up even if she somehow styles it…)

-quite tall. not to the point of not looking ridiculous next to nowaki, but its a highlight

-also has the body of a greek goddess statue and yuu is very much obviously obsessed with it :)

[dramas-vs-novels]

Kuea has it carved into his heart that Friday is his day with Lian.

Lian, meanwhile, has a long track record of fucking up Fridays, injecting work into their dates whenever possible, and at least in this case forgetting it entirely.

Here it's a casual way to lure Kirin out and give Kuea a fun night doing what he loves, but it's also a hard lesson for Lian about how much more of a priority Kuea makes their relationship.

[unabletomakedecisions]

Just watched Black Friday by Starkid, and now I'm wondering which Fear this would be a manifestation of. (I think Extinction would probably be in there, but what else?)

Actually, what would *all* the starkid productions be?

Nerdy Prudes Must Die would have at least a bit of Hunt... The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals would have some Corruption...

[phagodyke]

officially now have enough overtime to take an entire day off im gonna ask for this friday and if they don't give it to me I'm refusing to do any more overtime until they pay me the equivalent for it. WITH overtime pay. and I'll call in sick friday anyway lmao 👍

[catfishofoldin99colours]

mmmmrrrrggghhhhhhh slow day

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Sounds like you've got a right bitch of a co-worker based on those post tags lol

ajfksdljf TT0TT Oh that was like my 3rd version of a post I made. I had to talk myself down and censor myself akljsdflkfa orz

But yes he really is. I cannot stress it enough that everyone hates his guts and he's created such a hostile work environment.

[fridayyy-13th]

i'm going to a queer school event tomorrow but i'm literally feeling so paranoid about it. what if my mom checks life360 while i'm there, then looks up which event is at that location, and puts the very obvious two and two together. if i put on airplane mode to freeze my location, what if she texts me and freaks out when i don't respond for a good few hours. what if a family friend somehow spots me there and passes the information along. i really wanna go and connect with other queer people here but holy SHIT the thought i could inadvertently out myself simply by taking my phone along is terrifying.

[hannahhasafact]

Not sure what it is about Dungeons and Daddies that makes me wanna draw head based body horror but by golly it apparently does

[jorvikzelda]

Swish as a payment option no matter how expensive your purchase is is so fucking wild. Ah yes let me just pull out my phone to swish you thirteen thousand kronor, Online Store, that sounds completely reasonable

[lyriumsings]

.

[lookwhatyoumademelou]

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[thetrashyflower]

set up an appointment with my provider and hoping to GOD she agrees to help me stock up.

[inbabylontheywept]

bad dating stories time: the shoe incident

so in highschool, my best friend wasnt allowed to go on dates unless there was another couple there to keep an eye on him. part of this was his parents being insane, but also, part of it was him being insane. in a problem with no reasonable parties, there are no reasonable solutions.

at some point in my junior year, my sorta-gf broke up with me, and i just wasnt feeling dating, which was bad for my friend, because he had a good thing going with a girl he met in court.

he kind of hounded me about it. kept pushing me to just put me feet back in the dating pool and i wasnt real thrilled about it, because i knew he was pushing me for his own benefit, not mine, so i kept telling him to fuck off, and after a few weeks of being told that i would date when i was damn well ready, he eventually said: okay. what if i paid for the date AND found you a blind date AND all you had to do was show up?

and i shouldve said no, i know, but i let him wear me down, and i will own my fault in that. a date starting on such a stupid premise could never have gone well.

but he still managed to find a way to make it worse.

i dont know how long he tried to set a blind date up. it couldve been multiple attempts. he couldve stooped to this immediately. but what happened in the end was that he called a girl from the ward he attended - a girl that he knew had a giant, mushy crush on him - and he said: hey! how would you feel about going on a date this weekend?

(you know, implying it was with him, but never actually saying it.)

and she said YES WOW I WOULD LOVE TO and he said great! and then he called me up and said he found me a date.

i did not learn about his crimes until several weeks later. i will die swearing before god almighty that i would never have allowed this travesty to happen if i had known.

that was on a monday. the date of the date rolled around that friday evening, and im sorry to confess, i really phoned the whole thing in. i showed up in my favorite comfy outfit, which was also a fashion crime: basketball shorts and flipflops and a baja hoodie. it was super comfy but it made me look kind of crazy. i picked him up first, and then i picked up his date next, and then we went to pick up my date, and thats where you're gonna get the play by play.

i arrived, walked across the yard, and knocked on the front door. she opened it almost immediately, like shed been waiting right by it, and i could see her expression go from OMG IM SO EXCITED to super disappointed, then disgusted and finally pissed. and because i didn't know about my friends sins, i thought it was from my outfit. which seemed... harsh. like, hey, im allowed to be quirky, fuck you. also its a blind date, i thought the deal was that we were both going to be sad broken sacks of mortality.

anyway, we looked at each other for several seconds before she slammed the door in my face.

i looked back at my friend. he was sweating bullets. i dont know what he expected from this, but there was this big long pause where we both tried to figure out what to do, and then the door opened up, and her dad invited me in, and he said she was gonna need a few minutes to finish getting ready, and that in the meantime we could sit and talk.

we did not talk. we did sit. i sat down on the couch, and he sat down in a chair across the couch, and then instead of talking he cleaned his pistol on the coffee table. i wasnt actually sure if it was a threat, or if it was just a fidget thing for 40+ year old republican men, but when i tried to help he got snappy so i just watched him put a pistol back together.

he was okay at it.

eventually my date came downstairs, still mad as hell for reasons beyond my ken, and i felt pretty guilty for being such a mess because i thought that was why she was so angry. i tried to make up for by walking her to the car and getting the door for her, just generally trying to be extra polite, but before i could make it back to the drivers side, her dad called me back to the door. so i flipped around, went to the door, and immediately regreted my decision.

soon as i was within range, her dad got waaaay too close to me, leaned in, and said "whatever you do to her, i will do to you," and my brain went into overdrive making three consecutive realizations.

realization one was, damn, the pistol thing was a threat. that sucks. what an asshole. realization two was, wait, im autistic and even i know theres a 0% chance me and my date even hold hands, least of all boink. does this guy actually think there's even a 1% chance of anyone in that car getting laid tonight? is he an idiot? and then realization three went through, which was wait, is this guy threatening to fuck me? and unfortunately, with my brain doing so much processing, my mouth was left to run amok, so somewhere between realization 2 and 3, i said:

"i can't get pregnant"

which, i swear, wasn't actually me trying to be a smartass, it was just me pointing out that he couldn't actually follow up on that threat. it just wasn't possible. we do not live in the omegaverse and im not scared of you.

still, it was an insanely catastrophic thing to say, and the moment we both heard it, we bluescreened. that single sentence obliterated both of our momentary streams of consciousness like a saltine in front of a sand blaster. problem was, he'd probably gone his whole life not even realizing someone could say something that stupid, and making that realization was going to cost him a lot of thinking time. me though? i had been saying shit like that for 17 years, i didnt have to rewrite my expectations of human nature, i just had to plan an exit and start striding. so i was already halfway back to the car before i heard "hey. hey come back. Hey. Hey. HEY. HEY WAIT. HEY GET BACK HERE. HEY-"

and then i was in my car, and i drove away.

if this happened today, he'd have called her, and the whole thing wouldve imploded then and there, but back then, there were still a decent number of teenagers without cell phones. especially the teenagers of insane, gun toting parents. so she just said: whoa what was that all about? and i said: dont worry about it, he'll tell you about it when you get home.

and she said: ok and went back to staring daggers at me and my friend.

WHICH SURPRISINGLY isnt even how the story ends.

we went to an improv comedy show, and it was a disaster. it shouldve been like, 7/10 tops, but between my date being mad, and my friend having a good time, and me having the existential terror of knowing that a guy with a pistol was probably waiting outside his house for me to come back, it was easily 11/10. i laughed way too hard at everything. especially the jokes that flopped. id sit there in this mostly silent room and laugh until i dry heaved a little, and my date was absolutely disgusted, and even my friend was a little embarrassed, which would just make me laugh harder. i laughed so hard that night i could barely talk the next day. and then the show ended, and my friend said, you know, that was a good time, but i think we should maybe do something a little chiller? who wants to walk around the park? and his date said yeah, and my date said no, and i finally had mercy on the poor woman so i said, look, im gonna drop you off. and i am so, so sorry about this, but im dropping you off like a block away. super duper sorry.

do talk to your dad about the pistols thing if you dont want this happening more in the future tho.

and she said: okay. so i dropped her off, and she walked a block down, and that was that.

then i drove my friend and his date to a park that was good for wandering. i figured they wanted something more private, so instead of following them around point blank, i chose a park with this 30 foot rope tower, and i climbed to the top and i said: hey i can see you anywhere from up here, you are officially chaperoned from a distance. get panopticoned idiot. except my friend really is an idiot, and he didnt really get the whole 'now i dont have to third wheel so insanely hard with you guys' thing so he climbed up the tower too, and then his date followed behind him, so there are three people basically sitting together on top of a telephone pole.

and then they started making out.

i was close enough to hear it.

i didnt really know what to do so i was just kind of sitting there, dissociating, when some college kids came around and started shaking the tower. my friend's date went aaaaaaaaaa im afraid of heights :( and my friend went oh, dont worry, ill hold you tight ;) and i went hey, im gonna climb down and ask them to stop.

so i did climb down, and i did ask them to stop, and they flipped me off, which i wasnt even mad about. at that point i was i was like yeah, it would be weirder if this wasnt a mess. gods plan has been to fly this day like a 747 into my metaphorical twin towers and brother he is close enough for me to see him grinning through the cockpit window. still, eventually the college students got bored, so they climbed up the tower, which gave my friend and his date a window to climb down, and together we walked back to my car.

now, i cant explain why this is, but sitting back in the drivers seat was my carriage-back-into-a-pumpkin moment. i'd been chill about all the chaos, just rolling with the punches, but sitting down made me realize how much of a shitshow the day had been, and while i couldnt go back and fix all of it, i could go back and fix one thing.

so i told my friend and his date, hey, you two, stay here and don't do anything weird. don't. then i walked back to the rope tower, and i started picking up the shoes the college students had left at the base in order to climb.

about halfway through this, i realized that if i took all their shoes, they might think i was in it for the money, and i actually wanted them to know i was in it specifically to spite them. fuck those guys. so i put all the right shoes back, gave myself a 100 foot headstart, yelled "nice shoes, assholes", did a little jig, and started running.

my advice to everyone is that college students are faster than you think. even with the headstart, and the whole climb down the tower thing, i was still only fivish seconds ahead of them by the time i got to my car. i flung the door open, looked in the backseat, didnt see anyone, flung the stolen shoes in the backseat, heard two "ow"s, took that as proof of presence, jumped in and pealed out of the lot.

my friend and his date popped up a few seconds later. they were, uh, doing something weird in the back seat. my one request - obliterated.

they climbed up to ask where the hell all the shoes had come from, and i was like yeah i stole them from the college students, and they were like oh. cool. hope you had fun. and i was like, i did. i did. but speaking of fun, what were you doing back there?

and for the first time in my buddies life, i think he was actually embarassed.

[risaonda]

okay a review on the Local Office from a few days ago says the other place is the actual building. implying they moved fairly recently, didn't tell anyone, so keep wasting the time of anyone who goes to the main building for help bc they love just wasting peoples time. but Now I Know

[possum-tooth]

this week sucks.