#FUCKING DUNKAROOS

[boomstab-papa]

me, age 15: if only there was some way i could eat the cheap canned ravioli i love without relying on the school cafeteria (who often lies and doesn't serve ravioli when they say they will)

me, age 36, eating cheap canned ravioli comfort food that i always keep stocked in my pantry: why the FUCK did my mom never buy this for me ever, despite me begging her????

[nothazellevesque]

honestly after the last episode of yellowjackets, im starting to view it as a miracle that shauna makes it out of the wilderness alive, because what the fuck do you mean she tells the girls that no she won’t let them leave the wilderness when their ticket back to wiskayok is Right There??? and then she somehow makes it so they can’t make it home with those guides (thus leading to the second winter and the deaths of all but eight of the crash survivors)??? and they don’t kill her??? yall she’s got to GO

current wilderness timeline yellowjackets you are far kinder than me because I would’ve killed shauna myself the moment she made it so i couldn’t go home, because who tf does she think she is? i dont give a fuck if she’s the antler queen, i was about to finally have a warm shower and some goddamn dunkaroos for the first time in over a year, and she ruined it for me? girl if you don’t let me go home and catch up on the X Files-

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

I'm actualllly fucking pissed.

It's small. It doesn't matter. But.

I bought dunkaroos icing. And he put his fingers in it.

[dasloddl]

so that was a fucking lie

rest in peace "Dunkaroo Furby Same-ol Calculator Fuhvor"

[splashgal]

Bridgerton Recap- 1x8: 'After The Rain'

Tu-dum!

We open outside the tea shop during a rainstorm. But a little precipitation isn’t going to stop couples from promenading I guess, as background actors pass in front of the camera. Dame Julie is here right away, regaling us with tales of the fastest courtship in Mayfair’s history, occurring in the ‘markedly wet season of 1804’. I’ll bet it was, Julie. Anyway, a lady received a proposal over a plate of sugar almonds and licorice in four and a half minutes. Were her nipples also on the table? And what kind of treat is sugared almonds and licorice? Everyone knows the way to a girl’s heart is Dunkaroos. Or Cheez-its. Ooh, or Fruit Roll-ups.

I might need to grab a snack quick.

Julie goes on to say the couple left London hours after their wedding for reasons unknown. We see the couple, Mary and Quickdraw in their carriage and then there is a bee! I’m kinda fascinated by the choice this show has made to utilize the bee as a mascot. Like, it’s honestly kinda effed up. As Julie continues on about how you can never know about what happens in a marriage behind closed doors, we cut over the Feather-Baron and Portia in their bedchamber. They make eye contact and then Portia shuts the doors between them. Get it? They both look pensive.

Then we are over with Will and Alice, lying side by side in bed as Julie warns newlyweds that they don’t know what the future holds, such as what hardships may lie ahead. We cut over to the Queen in her garden watching on as King George throws a fit in the distance and Dame Julie talks about indignity, before asking if it will result in a true love match. And then we are with Violet in bed. She rolls over and strokes Edmund’s pillow. Give me the prequel, Shonda! Julie basically says the only one who will have the answers is her. Dang, quite an ego on that seventeen-year old girlie, huh?

Simon and Daphne are getting their portrait painted by everyone’s favorite closeted artist. Okay, maybe second favorite. Henry Granville sits in one of the rooms at the Sadness Factory. I think it’s the same room that Colin and Marina met in the last episode. Simon and Daphne are extremely stiff and somber. Henry tells them they’re allowed to smile and they both make half-hearted attempts. He asks them to move closer as well. They look not psyched with that suggestion, but each move barely an inch inward. In Daphne’s defense, she’s in a chair, so this is really on Simon. ‘Better,” Henry smiles at them before letting his face fall in this kind of ‘fuck my life’ expression. Hee! He goes back to painting.

Simon informs Daphne that once their portrait is done, he will leave London, tonight maybe. Holy crap, how fast does Henry paint? Daphne is instantly worried about gossip, and points out that since her oven is bun-less, there’s no reason for him to leave earlier than the rest of the ton in a few days. Oh wait, there’s a random violinist in the room, just…playing for everyone to ignore, I guess. This isn’t quite as weird as that one time there was a harpist at Feather-House. She goes on to ask if he’s going to be at their upcoming End Of Season Blowout and he points out that he is hosting it, so he should probably be there. Daphne informs him that it will be his last commitment. Henry pipes up again to announce that he can’t even get them in frame together, given how far apart they are standing. The camera cuts to a shot from behind him so we can see his canvas, and there’s this kind of hilarious sketched in picture of Simon that looks like it was drawn by a twelve-year old. You guys, they might have to sky this painting.

Anyway, Henry wants Simon to put his hand on Daphne’s shoulder so that ‘you can look as happy as you surely must be’. Hee. Simon kinda looks like he’d rather stick his dick in a dead pig’s mouth (again) for a moment, but then finally moves closer to his new bride and touches her. She looks up and they have a moment. Henry calls it the very picture of devotion with a kind of wistful look on his face. Aw. I had remembered very little of his character when I started this rewatch, but I’ve quite enjoyed him this season. Saphne falter for a moment before turning to face him again.

Title card. No. Music. Do we really only get the theme song once a season? Am I losing my mind thinking it was all the time? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills here.

We are at Bridger-Home. I love this house so much. I made it my desktop background. Benedict and Eloise enter the drawing room, with El peppering her older brother with questions about his ‘friendship’ with Madame Delacroix. If you don’t remember, she believes that the modiste is Lady Whistledown. He met her ‘about town’. She clarifies that they met at her shop. Instead of answering, he gets a bit snippy and taunts her about her upcoming first ball appearance, presumably the End Of Season Blowout at the Sadness Factory. Y’all, his hair is absolutely ridiculous. Messy but not in a sexy, tousled kind of way. In a ‘this actor fell asleep in his trailer and they didn’t have time to fix it’ way. It’s bad. It’s the worst hair in this scene, and this scene also contains Eloise, so you know I mean it.

Aw, Hyacinth and little adorable Greg are at the little chess board table, playing cards. The were at the SAG Awards a couple weeks ago and they are so grown up now! Hyacinth asks a nearby Anthony if she can join in on the fun at Aubrey Hall this summer. Do they…not let the kids play? Do they just march about the grounds, ala The Von Trapps? Oh, and wouldn’t Jonathan Bailey make such a good Captain? Oh my. Wait, where was I? Anthony is fully engrossed in reading a newspaper article about Sienna (I know it’s one N, but I’ve committed now) being in a new opera that is opening. Hyacinth calls out to him again, and he says she can join in as long as she stays away from his lucky mallet. Foreshadow! But not in a ‘Shining’ kind of way, which is what that kinda seems like when I re-read it. Greg says Anthony cannot be in earnest, which is so cute and Hyacinth runs off to start practicing. Wait, what? Isn’t the Pall Mall equipment at the other home? Oh, Colin is here now too. These Bridger-Sibs keep appearing out of the ether in this scene. He’s bent over a map in the background, because ‘travel’ is his current characterization. No word on his hair at this time; stay tuned.

Also, I’m only four minutes in.

Over at one of the other tables, El is asking Ben where else Gen likes to hang out, and Benedict, who is now sketching (yay!) says she goes many places for her ‘many interests’. She warns him that he might want to be careful, because he does not know who she is and he looks over at Anthony before putting a panicked finger to his lips to shut her up. He reads her the riot act for acting as if Gen isn’t worthy of his time because she has a job. She argues that it isn’t what she’s saying and he challenges her on what she is saying. Instead of filling him in, she says she does need to go get ready for the ball. Which is in like several days, so I’m not sure what she needs to prepare.

Just as she rises from her chair, Violet strides into the room, announcing that Francesca is coming back tomorrow. Oh right, I kinda forgot about her. Colin pipes up to say she can tell them about how awesome it is to not be in London, because like I said, he’s in his Travel Era right now. I feel like that album will be rather uninspired unless it includes a fun dance track about how he gets his hair so very tall. Greg says that Fran has missed so much, and Violet agrees, citing Daphne and the Duke, and Anthony and… Really, Vi? You’re going to acknowledge Anthony and his kept woman who he has broken up with over your other son being cuckholded right up to the altar? I mean, that would have been in bad taste, but so is mentioning Ant. I think that was some awkward exposition to let us know that Sienna will be in this episode.

Across the street at Feather-House, Pen is knocking on Marina’s door, before entering to see her up and about and packing. Pen says that she’s supposed to stay in bed and Marina tells her the tea did ‘what she needed it to’. If we keep going to way we are in the US, I may need that recipe, girl. Anyway, Marina is excited to finally go back to the farm, where she can run and play I guess. She looks absolutely fabulous in this scene by the way. The hair is amazing, and the dress is a great color on her and makes her boobs look awesome. Or maybe I’m just psyched that she’s leaving too.

Pen clarifies that she is now bun-less, and Marina says she would have felt something by now if it was still in there. Pen looks nauseated as she says that it caused quite the panic and Marina turns to her and apologizes for that, before adding on everything else that she’s done and said. That’s a kinda long list there, girlie. She announces that Pen was right about Colin, that he is a good man with a good heart. ‘You are very good to him, I am certain one day he will see it’. Penelope looks like she’d very much enjoy for the floor to open up and swallow her whole. They hear something outside and Pen and her cute, bouncy curls go to the window to see who is at the house. There is a carriage in the street and a cute guy pops out. Marina makes a worried noise of recognition.

We are over at that market space where they’re always selling flowers and feathers in the street. Daphne tells Bridger-Mom that she and Simon are going their separate ways. Violet tells her that she needs to forgive him and move forward and Daphne tells her mother that it is not up to her, because Simon is choosing to keep his grudge against the dead Douchke instead of being happy, so how can she forgive that? Um, that is some pretzel logic there. You were on the right track, but then you just ran it right off the road. They are interrupted by Portia and Varley, and the look on Violet’s face is very ‘the nerve of this woman’. Portia calls it the event of the season, one that her girls will have to miss since they didn’t get invites. Poor Pru is in tears over it. She elbows Varley to back her up. ‘Oh, absolute watering pot, that one.’ Hee! I just love these two together.

Violet snaps that she can tell her daughters why they aren’t invited and who is at fault for that. Meow! Daphne, perfect Disney Princess that she is ( I mean, except for that whole ‘maybe sorta rape’ thing that happened) says they can make room for the Featheringtons, saying that she’s sure they would all like to ‘forgive the errors of the past’. Interesting that she’s willing to forgive on behalf of Colin, but not herself. Portia is psyched, Violet not so much. Varley gets pulled away by someone and then comes back a moment later to announce there is a carriage at their house. Oh dang, that news traveled fast! They couldn’t even do it Kim MacAfee-style back then. Was that a seventy- year old musical reference? It sure was!

Varley tells Portia a ‘Mr. Crane’ is at Feather-House, and Daphne’s ears perk up and she asks if it is George. We cut over to the drawing room, where Pen and Marina are sat on one of the sofas as the yet- unnamed cute guy stands nearby. Portia, Varley, and Daphne all enter. Portia tells him she had no idea a soldier was coming to town. We see a shot of Pen and Marina and their faces tell us a moment before the cute guy does. He is not George, he is Philip. Yay!

The ladies all stare at him. He came to tell them all that George is dead. Marina gets up and leaves the room, with Daphne hot on her heels. In the hallway, Marina reveals that Philip brought a half-written letter that he found in George’s belongings, telling her that he loved her and they could marry and have their child. She starts crying and says she thought he was a villain, but he wasn’t. He had a good reason to not write back, and she was wrong. She runs up the stairs. Man, this girl is really going through it this episode. That was beautifully done by Ruby Barker.

Across town, El is knocking on the door of Gen’s shop. She comes out in her robe and unlocks the door. Wait, why? She tells El that she should come back when the shop is open. No shit! Eloise replies that she was hoping Genevieve would make an exception, since she needs a dress for her sister’s ball. She’s all smiley and leaning in the door frame and I kinda want Madame Delacroix to kick her in the stomach. Gen reminds El that she already has a dress, and El says one can never have too many. Except you are constantly against coming here, El. Finally, the modiste relents and lets El and her unnamed maid into the shop. She looks absolutely gorgeous here by the way. El goes over to a yellow one right away and uses it as a segue into talking about how unfortunate the Featheringtons’ current position is, thanks to Lady Whistledown. She wishes the author would write something flattering about them instead. Subtle, El. We see Benedict creeping down the stairs. Gen says that Lady Whistledown will write something good about them soon because ‘angering loyal customers is not good’. Benedict stands in the back room, eavesdropping as El announces that ‘her brother’ can withstand gossip because he’s a man. Gen gently tells her that she has no intention of compromising anyone. This scene is kind of amazing. They both are sure of what the other is talking about, and they’re both wrong. Eloise says the Queen is angry and she doesn’t want her shut down before she has a chance to right her wrongs. Gen answers that Whistledown is smart enough to take care of herself. Eloise flounces out and Benedict calls to Gen to lock the door. That scene was pretty fun.

Over at the Sadness Factory, the staff is getting ready for their End Of Season Blowout. Daphne and Simon meet in the hall. Simon is off to watch Will box. He asks if she is going with him and she says she has a lot to do for the End Of Season Blowout. He starts to leave, but she asks him what his father did that made Simon decide to hold a grudge. He doesn’t want to have this conversation in the hall like animals. He says he’s doing what is best for her before stomping off. She looks over her shoulder at a portrait of the Douchke. Now that one should for sure be skyed.

Then we are at the boxing match, where it’s all quick frenetic cuts of Top Hatters and money changing hands. Alice is I think taping up Will’s hand and she says they can take their exhibitions on the road. He points out that he can’t fight forever, and he doesn’t want to keep having to pander to the Top Hatters. He floats the suggestion that he loses, while eyeing a nearby Feather-Baron, who is dressed in his Wonka finery today. Archie wanders over under the bleachers and announces to two dudes we haven’t seen before that he wants to place a big wager on the fight. They call his word worthless, and he hands over the deed to his house. What the actual fuck, dude?

Bridgerton Bros are in the house! And it looks like they’ve joined the Top Hatters Club today. SplashGuy points out that Colin must have a new one, since he was pretty sure that he’d sat on his at Daphne’s wedding. Anthony comes in behind his younger brothers and spots Sienna in literally .2 seconds. She’s dressed in red and on the arm of the same Mustache Man from the last episode. Will is sitting in the ring, looking hella pensive. Simon comes up the stairs and Will tells him that he was expected an hour ago and asks Simon to wish him luck. The Duke says he doesn’t need luck and asks if he’s ready, and they kind of pound fists. Aw. Will sees Feather-Baron lurking nearby again. Simon clocks it and looks worried.

Over at Feather-House, Varley is telling Portia that they still haven’t paid Genevieve. Prudence and Phillipa join them on their way down the hallway as Portia says they can just rewear old dresses. Pru says she would rather just not go, as Pip asks if that is even something that is an option. The gaggle walk into the drawing room, where Sir Philip is waiting for them. He asks to see Marina. We cut to her in the same room some time later. He has just proposed. Philip says that since George ruined her virtue, it’s now his problem. Don’t worry, there’s no affection here. Oh, cool. Portia is very excited about this, as he has a title and can maybe support her distant cousins. Oh, for fuckssake. Marina says she cannot marry him. Aw, but his hair does that little swoopy thing. He currently has way better hair than your last fiance, girl. Philip says this is what George would have wanted. He’s pretty dreamy. I wonder how far from his book character they will stray. I hope it’s a ways. Marina turns him down again. She just cannot get out of her own way. Prudence kinda looks like she’d be game for taking a crack at him. Portia waits until Philip is at least out of the room before she starts in on the young girl. Marina says she is no longer with child, doesn’t need to participate in her crazy schemes any more.

We have some intense music as we cut to Daphne in the Douchke’s old study. She takes the sheets off of the furniture and starts looking through his stuff. She finally finds a stack of unopened letters in his secretary. She sits down at the desk and immediately starts reading them. The caption tells us she ‘mouths silently’. Thanks, subtitles.

Back over at the boxing match, everyone is really enjoying watching the peasant class beat the shit out of each other. Mustache Man is shocked by this display. Anthony and Sienna are staring at each other intensely. I tell my husband that I think we are about to cut to them fucking, and he says ‘No, we have to see the end of the fight before they leave to fuck’. We then cut to them under the bleachers, going at it. ‘Oh right, this is ‘Bridgerton’. They don’t need beds.’ Exactly, dear. No bum shot though, so that’s kinda disappointing. Up in the stands, where the respectable people are watching the working class give each other brain damage, Will and his opponent tussle. Feather-Baron yells out ‘Come on The Beast!’, which makes me laugh out loud, because did you not even learn his first name when you decided to bet your literal house on him? The Beast lands a couple good hits, Colin and Benedict jump to their feet. Will hits the mat and the bell…guy rings the bell. I’m not an expert in boxing, if you couldn’t tell. But I know a lot about the the 1984 classic ‘The Neverending Story’. So…in case that ever comes up in this show, I’m ready.

Archie loses his shit because he finally won something. Simon stands and looks at Will, who is still down on the mat. Don’t go check on him or anything, dude.

Daphne is still reading in the Douchke’s study. She is startled by Lady Danbury. Yay! She and Violet are there to help with prep for the End Of Season Blowout. Daphne asks Lady Danbury if she knew about the letters that Simon wrote and mentions his speech problem. Oh, I totally forgot about that! Daphne says that the Douchke never even read the letters and Lady Danbury basically calls the Douchke a garbage human. Daphne gives her credit for helping him overcome his issues and Lady Danbury says Simon deserves the credit. Aw, that was a good scene. But everything with Adjoa Andoh is.

Back over at the boxing match, Simon is striding toward a tent just as the Feather-Baron exits. They size each other up for a second. Winner-Simon. Archie scampers off as Simon enters the tent. Will says he could have used some of Simon’s luck after all. The Duke tells him that if he had needed money or investors, Will could have come to him and Will snaps that he doesn’t need Simon’s charity. Simon takes a shot at Will’s honor, which- really, Simon? Will says what’s honorable is to take care of your family. Oh, I see what you did there, show. The Duke challenges that Alice will not see it that way and Will, bless him, tells Simon to get off his nads and worry about his own wife. Simon postures for a beat before Will points out that he’s mad, but not at him and he needs to handle his shit with Daphne.

We cut to Feather-House, as we get some of that plinky plunky wacky music. Archie is dumping banknotes out on his desk. Portia asks how he got it, and he says it was an inside tip. He tells her their problems are solved. She waits all of two seconds before calling in Varley. She scampers in like she’s freakin’ Renfield. Portia tells her they are going to the modiste first thing in the morning. I’m glad she has her priorities sorted.

We are at the Sadness Factory the next morning, Simon enters…a room. I don’t know which one, but he’s surprised to see Daphne there, as she usually eats breakfast in ‘the morning room’. She wanted different scenery, which I’m assuming means she wanted to stare at a portrait of a different old white man. She offers to leave, but he says it’s fine and sits down to eat. He’s eating melon with a knife and fork, you guys. She tells him that she’s going to the Bridger-Home because Francesca is back. She invites him to join her, reasoning that ABC will think it’s weird if Simon isn’t there. He agrees to go and she looks pleased.

In the Bridger-Home drawing room, Colin is once again talking about boxing, and Benedict answers that he’d like to see him try. Same, Ben. Fran is seated at the piano, but turns and notices Daphne and runs to give her a hug. She greets Simon, saying that she’s happy to have five brothers. Suddenly, Violet and Hyacinth are also in the room. Hy makes a beeline to Simon and asks when she can go visit the SaphnePlex. He tells her she can visit whenever she wants and she pulls him away. Aw, that was cute. Oh wait, Anthony is here too. The blocking of the family scenes has been really weird in this episode. Like there aren’t establishing shots in this room to let me know who is here, so I keep just like, discovering more characters in random corners. Daphne asks Frannie to play something on the piano as we cut over to Eloise who is also in this scene! What the heck? She’s in the middle of one of the sofas, with a full box of chocolates in her grasp. ‘I do not share my food’, she announces to Benedict. Who are you, Joey?

Ben gets in her bubble and tells her she can never do what she did the other morning and she realizes immediately what he’s talking about. She says she is no longer worried about Gen, she’s great. Wait, why is El not worried? Is it because she doesn’t think Gen is Lady Whistledown anymore? Did that happen offscreen? I’m assuming this will be answered in this episode, so I’m not sure who I’m asking right now. Ben tells her he wasn’t worried about it in the first place, just as Anthony joins them, holding out a hand for a piece of candy. Hee. El hands one over as Ben tells his older brother that he has a friendship with ‘the….modiste’. Hee! Both Ben and El seem to hold their breath while Anthony digests this. ‘Good for you brother’, he says. He tells Ben that he deserves contentment and that he’s happy for him. He gets up and wanders off as Eloise and Benedict look at him like he is wearing his pants on his head again.

Violet and Daphne (I think) are asking Colin to sing, and he ever so humbly answers ‘if I must’. Take it down a notch there, Sinatra. He starts singing and I belatedly remember that I was going to try to mute the television. Okay, that makes me sound like an asshole. Luke Newton has a great singing voice, but this song is so freakin’ earwormy that now I will be singing it all week. So I hope you appreciate what I go through for you. This scene is so extremely random, and I’ve thought that since the first time I watched this show. Only Anthony is clapping, only Greg and Hyacinth are dancing. Daphne makes eye contact with Simon, who is smiling for the first time in like two full episodes I think. A footman (not John or Humboldt, boo!) leads Penelope into the room. Her dress looks like if you put pink and yellow Play-doh through one of those fun factory extruders at the same time. I don’t know if I like it, but I’ve noticed that she only gets to be really cute when she’s not going to be around Colin. Colin is still standing at the piano in his very tight pants, singing his little heart out. When he sees Pen, his voice kinda falters, and it’s such a nice little acting choice. They stare at each other for a beat before Eloise comes over to pull Penelope away.

El tells Pen that Lady Whistledown is Madame Delacroix. Pen looks kind of queasy as El promises that she is going to print something in the the Featheringtons’ favor. Oh, so El is just an idiot. That’s what is happening. I don’t know how I forgot that. Colin has the brain cell right now so he can sing. Maybe El can have it back in a little while. Pen calls it impressive that Gen can run two businesses and Eloise says they should aspire to be just like her, two spinsters who can earn their own money and don’t need no men. How very ‘Fried Green Tomatoes’ of you, El. Penelope spells it out for El that she could never be like that. Eloise’s sister is a Duchess, she can kinda do what she wants. Pen’s situation is much different. El offers her a candy, which Penelope takes with a grin. Colin is still singing over at the piano. He gives his big finish and then takes a bow. Aw, that was cute. And I’m only slightly distracted by his hair. I would call that a win.

Simon is seated on a sofa between Hyacinth and tiny, adorable Gregory. She asks Simon how many horses he has, and barely takes a breath before asking if she can have one of them. Violet tries to tell her to can it, but Simon asks if a pony would do instead, and then proceeds to make a little origami figure for them. Greg points out it’s only made of paper, and I guess we know he didn’t get the brain cell when it exited Colin a moment ago and he went into sleep mode. Simon points the little paper figure at Greg and makes horsey noises. He and Daphne smile at each other. Aww.

Across the street, Madame Delacroix has delivered some new dresses, which she was able to do quickly because it was fabric that no one else wanted. Ha! Pru holds one up and says hers will need to be taken in. Pip’s is perfect. Pen’s is yellow, she grimly announces. Wait, did she apparate over here? Portia announces that everything has worked out, and maybe the Cheese Man will even propose to Phillipa again, since she has her dowry back. Pip asks if she lost it before. Hee.

Elsewhere in the house, Marina is walking down the hall with some thick-ass toast. At least I think that’s what it is. She stops and her eyes bug out as she puts a hand over her tummy, dropping her plate. It actually looks like French toast. Mmmm. Sorry, that’s not really the point of the scene. Everyone comes out of the drawing room and Portia asks Marina what’s wrong. She says she needs a doctor.

Dame Julie tells us that the final ball of the season is always defined by either anticipation or dread. We are over at the Sadness Factory. In a gorgeous overhead shot, we can see the courtyard space in the middle of the house, where a checkered dance floor is laid out. We see shots of the servants putting out vases of hydrangeas and polishing glass wear and hoisting candelabras by rope. As an army of staff come to the courtyard, Dame Julie tells us that happy new couples love to flaunt their perfect life, but others hate the idea of having to spend one more minute amongst the Top Hatters and Ladies of the ton. We see Daphne and Simon each preparing separately for their End Of Season Blowout.

A doctor (not to be confused with The Doctor, although I would be into that crossover event!) calls Marina a dum dum for thinking that a tea would ‘rectify her situation’. Marina is so sad as Dame Julie says that even those who have lost hope shouldn’t fear, because anyone’s fortunes could change.

Over at Sienna’s, she and Anthony are half naked in bed together, giggling. The music in this scene is gorgeous. They make out and then she gets out of bed and says she has a show to get ready for, and she believes he has an End Of Season Blowout to attend. She very cutely spins around the room, teasing him about dancing with young ladies, and he joins her and asks her to come with him. He says no one would dare say anything, what with them all having titles. She frowns and says ‘no, not to you’. Exactly. She calls him preposterous, and he asks her again to come with him. They giggle and kiss and fall back into bed together. Aw, I think that’s the first time I’ve kind of liked Sienna. She didn’t have a chip on her shoulder for once. She must keep it sewn into her red dresses.

Daphne is coming down the staircase at the End Of Season Blowout, followed by Simon coming down the other staircase. They both stare at Henry’s portrait.

Oh wait, I think I picked the wrong photo.

Daphne calls is a good likeness, and Simon says the Henry was kind not to add the gray hair that Daphne has given him recently. She adds that he has wrinkles now too. They start walking the length of the space, bicker fighting about how many dances they should share. She says three, and he says two. She says two will be boring, and he argues that three will be crazy and make their guests unruly. Hee. They giggle together before she tells him how good he was with Hyacinth and little adorable Gregory. He says little kids always love him. Well, water finds its own level I guess. Rose comes out and announces that the guests are arriving.

Later, still at the Sadness Factory, people are arriving by carriage, while inside people are totally raving, if raving includes spinny waltzes and tepid conversation. Simon sees the the Mondriches are there. Alice is wearing a new necklace. He nods at Will, but it isn’t reciprocated. Aw. Daphne looks up to the staircase to see Violet and Eloise arriving. El is kind of harumphing down the stairs with her little journal. She stops on a step and snaps at one of the men standing there that he should paint a picture. Hee. He turns to continue to watch her. Aw, he was cute El. Violet calls this a rehearsal for next season, she doesn’t need to stress. Daphne comes over and tells Eloise she looks ‘exquisite’ in her new gown. El just kinda goes ‘yeah’. Her older sister tells her she can just go to the library if she wants to. Eloise tears up and says she should thank Daphne for ‘being so perfect so that I do not have to be’. Daphne smiles at her and Violet blinks at El’s admission.

Feather-Family has arrived, looking like the tropical fruit salad that comes in a can. Everyone is aghast. The ladies all walk down the stairs and kind of strike a pose together. Portia points out CheeseMan (yay!). The girls all scurry off as Lady Cowper and some lady who looks like British Linda Hunt approach Portia and say they are surprised to see her there. Lady Featherington says she was personally invited by the Duchess. Um, I guess that’s kinda how that happened. The ladies heard that Archie won a lot of money, he must be out celebrating. ‘One circumstance that has likely not changed’, Lady Cowper notes.

And sure enough, cut to Feather-Baron, stumbling down the hallway at a brothel with a bottle in one hand, clearly very happy. ‘That is a man that is excited to get syphilis’, my husband states. A…courtesan (?) opens a door for him and he enters a swanky bedroom and leaves him alone. He hadn’t noticed that the two guys he made the bet with are there. So no sexy times. I mean, I’m assuming.

Back at the End Of Season Blowout at the Sadness Factory, Colin and Benedict have arrived. Why didn’t they come with their mom and sister? Why is the timeline on this show so hard to pin down? Colin gets to the bottom of the stairs and immediately zeroes in on Penelope, across the room standing by herself. She notices him and looks away awkwardly. He books it across the dance floor and then asks if she’s enjoying her evening. Her eyes say ‘no’, but her mouth says ‘what?’. Pen-look alive, girl! He repeats himself and she says she is and she just came from the dance floor. He did not see her. ‘You just got here!’ SplashGuy yells at the TV. Pen lies that she was all the way in the back, since it was so crowded out there. Well, that’s what happens when the DJ puts on ‘Cha Cha Slide’. She chuckles awkwardly. She looks like she is about twelve years old here. Colin apologizes for thinking he was into Marina. He didn’t have the braincell that week either, obviously. He calls himself a fool, and she rushes to disagree:

‘When one finds oneself in such an incredible position, then one should declare it. Assuredly, fervently, loudly.’ She kind of has this tremulous laughter to her tone. She has something she wants to say. So does he. She kind of just stares at him as he works himself up. He’s leaving. The music kind of evaporates under this moment and it’s very well done. He starts babbling about how he’s leaving tomorrow on his tour of the Mediterranean and she’s the one who inspired him to travel. Since that he’s character trait right now, he has to see it through. The look on her face is heartbreaking. He asks what she wanted to say and she lies that she doesn’t remember. Colin asks her to dance and she says with a shaky voice that she’s ‘all danced out’ before walking away as fast as her short little legs can carry her. He turns and watches her go.

Pen runs right into Eloise, who is so excited because the Queen is there and now she can tell her the newest Whistledown theory. Pen is so upset that El actually notices for once and asks if she’s okay. Penelope lies that she is and encourages her to go talk to the Queen before walking off quickly. El gathers her courage and approaches the Queen. Brimsley stops her almost immediately. She somehow tricks him into telling her their plan to take down Whistledown that very night. Brimsley gets called away and Eloise panics. She approaches Benedict, who I think is talking to Henry Granville, but I’m not sure based on the angle. She tells him that he needs to go see Gen and tell her to stay home. He doesn’t want Henry to hear that he’s friends with girls though, so he tells her to go away. So away she goes. We cut to her striding out of the Sadness Factory. She approaches Footman John (yay!) and says she needs to go somewhere. He starts to scold her, but she tells him she has money.

Anthony gets out of his carriage with a bouquet of flowers. Oh dang, he’s even wearing gloves. And now I’m back on Captain Von Trapp. He knocks on Sienna’s door and it’s answered by Mustache Man! I can’t tell if it’s the angle, but he looks about three feet taller than Anthony. Sienna comes down and sends him off to the bedroom. She sadly says that she thought about going with Anthony, but she couldn’t. He asks what she’s doing and she snaps that she’s doing what she has always done, which is looking out for herself and ensuring her own future. Because no one else ever will. Ouch. ‘I tried’, Anthony argues weakly. She calls him lost and begs him to let her go. He tries to argue again, but she shuts him down. She’s happy with who she is, and Mustache Man isn’t going to try to take her to fancy parties and give her a better life. Huzzah? He looks close to tears for a second, but then swallows them down and apologizes. She shuts the door in his face before he turns and walks away, tossing the flowers to the ground as he goes.

Well, that was a real downer.

We are in the homestretch you guys, I can taste it! There’s only… twenty-five minutes left?! The hell?

At the printers, El is lying in wait in her carriage, looking through her notebook. John is nervous and wants to leave, but she begs him to wait another minute. A carriage approaches and El excitedly gets out and approaches. A Top Hatter loudly starts running down the street. How do you run loudly? I don’t know, but this guy is doing it. El hollers that it is a trap and Whistledown’s carriage takes off again. El smiles in triumph.

Back over at the End Of Season Blowout, Simon and Daphne are on opposite sides of the dance floor and make eye contact. Lady Danbury walks over to Simon, sadly sans wizardpimp hat, and asks if he still plans on leaving his wife. He asks how she already heard that and she correctly says that she knows all. She tells him his pride will cost him everything and leave him with nothing. Violet approaches Daphne, who asks her mother if it’s different for men to know if they are in love. They agreed to one dance that night. Violet says she missing dancing with Edmund, and everything else about him too. She tells her daughter that they chose to love each other every day. Daphne says that she can’t do it, and Violet says ‘you are a Bridgerton, there is nothing you can’t do.’ She gives her mother a nod and then walks across the floor to meet Simon. They start dancing together, and it’s a very bouncy, spinny dance. We go into slo-mo as everyone watches them.

Suddenly, it starts pouring rain. This sequence is beautifully shot. Daphne stands there in the rain as everyone else runs for cover. Simon stands by, just watching her. Finch and Phillipa start to head back out, but Lady Danbury whips her cane out and blocks them, before announcing that the End Of Season Blowout is over and everyone needs to GTFO. Even the Queen listens to her. See? She is a wizard.

Simon apologizes to his wife and says he’s sure this isn’t how she wanted the evening to go. ‘It’s better’, she answers. She tells him she found the letters he wrote to his father. He made his son think that only perfection is worthy of love. She’s tired of pretending she doesn’t love every part of him, She tells him he can choose to be different than his father, and he can choose to love her as much as she loves him. They look at each other for a beat in silence before Daphne turns and walks away.

Over at the Feather-House, where I guess it isn’t raining at all? I don’t know. The ladies are returning from the End Of Season Blowout and Pip is talking about how awesome Cheese Man is. Uh- duh doy. And Penelope is here? Seriously, I have no idea. Portia is busy talking about how she plans to spend all of Archie’s money. They walk into the front hallway, where the staff are all assembled. Portia stops and then asks where Marina is. She comes down to the landing and stares. Varley bursts into the room and says there is news: Feather-Baron is dead. Portia’s first instinct is to go to his study and check the bag he had his money in. It is empty. Portia finally shows emotion as she breaks down in sobs.

Daphne is laying on a settee over at the Sadness Factory. Simon comes in, white billowy shirt open to the navel. My husband notes that he’s probably dressed the way he is on the cover of the book he’s in. Simon tells his wife he doesn’t want to be alone, but he doesn’t know how to be a good husband. She tells him to stay, and they can figure it out together. They kiss and then he carries her over to the bed. Oh wow, how traditional! They bone, and it’s much sweeter than it is been, but still seems pretty abbreviated. Also- I’m not a marriage counselor, but maybe have a couple more conversations before you possibly make another baby, whatdya say? So he finishes inside of her and they lay side by side on the bed and smile at each other.

Dame Julie is back, to talk about how the End Of Season Blowout was the best event of the season. We watch Daphne and Simon kiss and then they roll out of frame. And then we get shots of everyone in Mayfair packing to move out. Dame Julie tells us that while some people are leaving for greener pastures, some endings are more permanent than others. We see Colin loading up his horse for his Big Fat Greek Vacation. He looks across the square to the Feather-House. We hear Penelope sobbing, and then see her looking out the window as Eloise consoles her, because her father just died. Because there’s no other reason she could be so sad. Pen asks what happened with Whistledown. El saved Madame Delacroix, so she can undo the bad things she wrote this season about Pen and her family. What a great plan! Pen says that if Lady Whistledown is still around next season, it’s gon’ be lit. Oh, Pen. You little tease.

Portia looks at her bed. Marina approaches and asks how to endure a marriage without love. She tells her that you find little things to love, and then big things like your kids, and then eventually it is enough. She calls her strong and says she will be fine. SplashGuy points out that Marina is her actual soulmate, but I still think it might be Varley. Some time later, she goes down the front stairs and climbs into Philip’s carriage. They are both stone-faced. I don’t know about you guys, but I think that everything will go great and we will never hear from them again.

Dame Julie is still yapping away, telling us that some endings offer new beginnings. Varley rushes down the stairs, and is it just occurring to me that this is always the speed she’s at? It might be. She says they found the man who will inherit the Feather-Estate and passed Portia a folded slip of paper. Portia opens it up and looks worried as Julie tells us that we don’t know what those new beginnings are though.

Across the square (at the same time? Two days later? Last June? How would I know!), Colin is on his horse and says he will write to all of them. Gregory asks for a gift, and Hyacinth snaps that it’s not a gift if you have to ask, before asking for anything blue…or white. He trots off and SplashGuy asks how long I think it will be before Colin realizes he can’t ride the horse all the way to Greece.

Daphne turns to Anthony and points out that he wasn’t at the End Of Season Blowout. He says he wasn’t feeling well and apologizes, before asking if they’re off to the SaphnePlex. Simon says they are going to stay at the Sadness Factory for a while, just the two of them. Do I need to rename that place? Daphne asks what Anthony has planned next and he says nothing of note. Oh, except he’s going to make his intentions known to the soon-to-be Viscountess. Daphne is surprised and asks who the lady is. Anthony says it doesn’t matter, and love is what fucks up relationships, so he will just remove it from the equation. That way he won’t get distracted from his responsibilities. He tells Simon and Daphne to enjoy their time and walks off. Saphne kind of stand there with frozen expressions for a moment. ‘Perhaps he will learn’, Daphne suggests. ‘Perhaps not’, Simon counters. Wah wah.

El comes up behind Benedict and starts talking about Gen. Benedict says she’s going to France and El is surprised that he’s not saying goodbye. He tells her that he did last night ‘if you must know’. They went to ‘a very good party’. He’s going to washing paint off his taint for days is what he means. Eloise clarifies that he was with Gen, and if he was with her, then she cannot be Whistledown. She starts hyperventilating. We cut back to the previous night, since all of this has happened in the last ten hours. Dame Julie comes back on in her last voice over of the season as we keep cutting back to shots of the previous night. Julie is telling us there is no end in sight for her. She knows of the scheme to unmask her, by a worthy opponent. She may choose to reveal herself some day, but that decision will be hers and hers alone. We get a shot of the handwritten Whistledown sheet on the lap of a cloaked person in the carriage. ‘Yours truly, Lady Whistledown’, Julie finishes as the figure in the carriage tips back the hood of their cloak and the Whistledown theme kicks in. It’s Penelope! She looks out the window and smirks.

We fade in on a maid rushing down a hallway, just like in the opening of episode 2, but this one goes into a room where Daphne is on the bed. Violet and Simon are on either side of her, Rose is nearby. A doctor is telling her to push and push and push. And then we hear crying. One of the maids announce that it’s a boy and brings him over. She immediately hands him over to Simon and tells him they need a name. Simon says whatever it is, it needs to start with the letter A. ‘We do have family traditions, do we not?’ he asks, looking over at his wife and mother-in-law. Aww. Violet agrees with him and then we get a shot of Simon and Daphne smiling at each other before panning to the windowsill, where a bee sits.

And that is a wrap on season one of ‘Bridgerton’! Do you guys like this season? What’s your favorite plot? Your least favorite? What are you most looking forward to in season two?

[non-un-topo]

What's everyone's favourite dessert?

I definitely don't know enough about the world's food to give serious answers, but I'll do my best!

Andy: Pastries with honey glaze. Yes this is because of her baklava, but also because honey glazed desserts are timeless and found all over the world. I also support the headcanon (though I think it's just canon) that Andy has a huge sweet tooth and is just always snacking on sweets. It's genuinely so cute of her, I love her.

Quynh: Something sweet and spicy. Like she would love limes dipped in chili powder, or something that crunches. I'm trying not to say that Quynh in today's day and age would fuck up a bag of takis, but also that's totally what I'm saying. (Are takis considered dessert?)

Lykon: Some sort of sweet rice or rice cakes, like biko. I feel like he would like a lighter sweetness, and something to sort of chew on. We know almost nothing about him, but he also strikes me as the type of dude who would share all of his desserts.

Joe: Something with rosewater, like little cakes or pastries, or Turkish delight. I feel like he would like very refined flavours, and he would eat dessert to really savour it, not to snack.

Nicky: Something with pine nuts, like a tart or just candied. I read this in a fic once where he showed Yusuf what he ate for dessert as a kid and I've just incorporated it into my headcanons.

Booker: He's a big cake or pie guy, to me. In the modern day, maybe licorice. I feel like he would also like desserts that other people kind of wrinkle their noses at (hence, licorice). He also definitely likes mints and little caramel candies, y'know, like a dad.

Nile: Probably gushers or dunkaroos or scooby gummies or literally any of those banger snacks we all wanted to get in our school lunch as kids. Serious answer though: Because she's American, something with marshmallows like s'mores or that marshmallow casserole thing? What's a popular Chicago dessert?

[dannidorina]

Okay one pbm&ms thought I haven't been able to get out of my head all day is the culture clash. Like... 2023 (or whatever the year is in ATSV, may be 2019?) meets 2099??

Has Miguel watched a Pixar film? Does he know of dunkaroos? Mary Jane and Peter just found out that they can take a vacation to the fucking moon in Miguel's dimension. Miguel cringes at Miles, Gwen, Pavitr, and Hobie's humour bc his parents would've been Gen Z, sure, but do we know for sure that Miguel wouldn't collapse from learning about the culture that was 80s/90s child?? The concept of cable is still odd to Miguel while Peter and MJ are screaming at the fact that 2099 only has a single streaming service and it has everything. Luckily enough, out of all of this, a few things remain the same: fine dining still serves too small of a portion, it still takes an hour or two at the DMV to get a license renewed, and the polyamory flag is STILL debated as "not pretty" VS "very pretty, actually".

Essentially, they're able to connect on the important things. To kvetch about them.

[note-a-bear]

The cakening

Need to work on my execution (psure i technically put too many walnuts and fresh carrot but fuck it, we go hard), but it tastes good!

I misread measurements for the frosting, so I have cream cheese royal icing? 😅 gotta make a whole bunch of shortbread cookies or something in the next day or two. Maybe make a whole dunkaroo kit

[ectochoir]

i was eating a snack at like midnight and couldn’t help but wonder. reblog for sample size or whatever. 👌

[sirompp]

odd characters i thought i had a crush on as a kid but much later realized was just gender envy ranked by how tasty and/or edible a meal they made would be (in no particular order)

character 1: baldi from baldis basics

i imagine baldi would make a decent stew with homemade broth, and provide some saltine crackers with it. nothing revolutionary but its pretty good, more than edible. 6/10

2. tord from eddsworld

i dont think this man would make anything more than instant noodles or slightly burnt toast. hes probably capable of cooking Decent or even Good food but i dont think he would. fortunately for me though i love slightly burnt toast 7/10

3. underfell sans (i couldnt find any official art so i drew this myself)

you know i was going to say "ive never had a chimichanga so i cant rate him." but. turns out its papyrus who makes the chimichangas. not sans.

i think sans would make like. those fucking canned hotdog bits but hed put relish and mustard on it which is technically edible, but personally id rather eat rocks. 2/10

4. four from bfb

four eats exclusively american cheese slices and dunkaroos. most would consider this an awful terrible meal but i am autistic 9/10

5. enderman from minecraft

That's a dirt block. You know its gonna be dry as hell too because shes allergic to water. 1/10

6. the once ler from the lorax

im pretty sure he makes food in the movie but i forgot what it was. im a fake fan i know. alphabet soup served in a thneed and im photographed 8 million times while i eat for a new promotion hes doing where thneeds can be used as bowls for food (they cant) (the sop is so full of truffula tree fluff.) (its disgusting.) (i dont even like alphabet soup) 3/10

7. shopkeeper from my tomodachi life island

(he literally said this as i went to get a photo for this post)

he makes a MEAN omelette. i dont even like omelettes but his would be so good i might change my mind. he would decorate the plate with fruit 7/10

8. underfresh sans (same situation as fell, drawing by me again)

store bought donuts, pringles, and a pepsi. i really hate donuts but the others are fine. im gonna be hella hyper after the pepsi though 6/10

9. imposter from among us

whatever it is its guaranteed to be poisoned. 0/10

[raesyourweapon]

tonight i stood in the beer aisle of the grocery store. do i buy NA beer? real beer? both and decide when i get home?

i decided both. i grabbed one of my fav NA’s and then started picking out the highest proof trash i could. do i really want to do this? i have almost 5 days back. fuck. it’s only 5 days. but it’s the most i’ve had in a little bit. why is it so hard this time? what am i fucking doing? what if i just wait until tomorrow?

i decided to wait. i put the 11% abv mango hell shit i had in my hand back. i walked away. the weight on my chest fell away. i could breathe. i guess that’s what they mean about just keeping it in the day. I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. i might go back for that mango hell shit and whatever else calls to me. maybe i won’t.

but tonight - taco bell, dunkaroos, cheese, reese’s cups, and seltzer are keeping me under control. that’s some of the trash i got while out i got instead. i got the NA’s too - those help when i’m desperate. oh and i got some treats for my cat too. he gets extra treats when i get treats. it’s only fair.

made it through another day. by some sort of freaking magic. it felt like magic at the store. i didn’t feel like i made that choice by myself. the people in the rooms would say god helped me. gross. my higher power is currently just them, and i guess the universe / energy / connection / love / idfk. it’s a work in progress. all of that helped me i guess.

today was a day. but i’m grateful for it. i’ll try to post more while riding the different waves and not just the meltdown ones. it’s a fucking rollercoaster right now. i feel insane 90% of the time. but right now, i’m ok - i think.

[frnkieroismydaddy]

dunkaroos fucking rule

[surebabyholdback]

Were you bored of gender norms?

Of being alone, no mama home

A bad divorce, or sad we can't

Afford the clothes our heroes own?

Remember when you stole

Mom's old Geo Metro

You wore her old bathrobe

Too small to see the road

We were just two Texas toddlers

Pokémon and bottle rockets

Dunkaroos and Real Monsters

Capri Sun straw in the bottom

You think that you're Space Ghost

You're wanted coast to coast

Fuck that shit, now I go

My way and you go yours

[groovetrill]

Said to you, "Why did you do it?"

Touch the glass, I'll feel you through it

Against the wall with the bracelets on

You look bizarre in the apricot

You think that you're Space Ghost

You're wanted coast to coast

Fuck that shit, now I go

My way and you go yours

Gotta be all that coco, eyy?

Playin' too much of that GTA

Playin' too much of that Dr. Dre

Doom, Quake, where'd you get the gun from, eh?

Really think that metal gonna make you safe?

Playin' peek-a-boo with the devil these days

Black cap back with a trench coat, eyy

Living in the valley cuttin' porno tapes

You think that you're Space Ghost

You're wanted coast to coast

Fuck that shit, now I go

My way and you go yours

Were you bored of gender norms?

Of bein' alone, no mama home

A bad divorce, or sad we can't

Afford the clothes our heroes own

Remember when you stole

Mom's old Geo Metro?

You wore her old bath robe

Too small to see the road

We were just two Texas toddlers

Pokemon and bottle rockets

Dunkaroos and real monsters

Capri Sun straw in the bottom

You think that you're Space Ghost

You're wanted coast to coast

Fuck that shit, now I go

My way and you go yours

Heard you were lookin' up the cookbook, names

Cut into the back of your bedroom door frames

Super villain with a manifesto, dang

Gotta say I'm pretty glad they caught you, man

Get back to the kickball days

Scared to hold hands at school disco days

007 Nintendo games

Burnin' Hot Pockets in the microwave

You think that you're Space Ghost

You're wanted coast to coast

Fuck that shit, now I go

My way and you go yours

[idsalgay]

okay god damnnit

i just ate 7 god damn smores today,

5 yesterday.

4 dunkaroos, maybe 5 today

2 yesterday

what the fuck is wrong with me

2 bowls of doritos + an unopened bag

[ittybluebell]

fee fi fo fuck me is that a rainbow dunkaroos snack pack before they changed the recipe??