#FUNNY IRISH MAN HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET HERE

[svtskneecaps]

BROTHER WHAT DO YOU FUCKING MEAN RTGAME WAS IN A FUCKING MCC WITH TECHNOBLADE I THOUGHT HE WAS A FUNNY HAHA VARIETY STREAMER WHO DID MINECRAFT COMMUNITY BUILD STREAMS I WAS ALREADY BLOWN TO SMITHEREENS SEEING HIS ASS IN AN MCC WITH FUCKING JAMES MARIOTT AND JACK MANIFOLD SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF A PERSONA 5 VOD NOW YOU'RE TELLING ME HIS ASS PLAYED THE FUCKING THIRD EVER MCC ON THE SAME TEAM AS FUCKING TECHNOBLADE WHAT DO YOU MEAN HOW IS HE EVERYWHERE I DON'T UNDERSTAND

[strawbs-screaming]

what i think your favorite PO boxer says about you

based on my biases and a year of experience (if you get mad over how i talked about your fave im going to turn you into a can of spam)

first time ive ever maxed out the tags

if i missed your fav tell me ‼️

doc louis - you have good taste and are starving for content about him, you really are a survivor

little mac - you either project onto him or just like calling him your son

glass joe - you have a thing for pathetic men (understandable tbh) and like calling him a wet cat since he fits that desc well

von kaiser - same thing as joe but add a hint of "oh no hes hot"

disco kid - you literally have no enemies i love you so much its not even funny (platonic)

king hippo - my god you are good at making up lore, how the fuck do you make a solid personality for a character that only roars and grunts

piston hondo - im 100% youre a saint, no hondo fan i met has ever been unpleasant to talk with

bear hugger - you either see him as a father figure or just think hes hot or (secret third option) you like making jokes about him being a disney princess, either way youre cool

great tiger - oh you have been here for a long time, literally every great tiger fan i know has been in the fandom since 7.000 BC or something, also youre prob really good at art

don flamenco - you use the word "cunty" on a daily basis or just like making fun of his stupid bald head, also yes he has eyeliner on 100%

aran ryan - you'd overthrow a goverment for this greasy rat, youre extremely extremely gay and/or neurodivergent and thats very good for you, you also like making him say lad and have had to go ankle deep in irish slang when making him speak in fanfics

soda popinski - ive never seen someone have soda as their fav, hes always 2nd place somehow so im just gonna go take a shot in the dark and say you like the color pink (mental gymnastics who??)

bald bull - you are a mixed bag, i gen cant put a finger on what kind of personality bull stans have but i can say you either find him hot or like making fun of him, maybe both

super macho man - least serious people ever with some traumatizing lore for the boxers & their own ocs, you prob make him say bogus 88268292 times in a sentence and i can respect that

mr sandman - ive only seen 2 (two ) ppl who have him as their fav and its kinda sad, youre starving for content of him and i wish you the best

birdie mac - hes your son (im not elaborating)

gabby jay - same thing as joe but you went over the top with liking dilfs

narcis prince - gay. gay gay homosexual gay. you went for the self obsessed blonde twink and you thought it wasnt obvious?? you fucking homosexual

heike kagero - youre 1000% queer, sorry to be a broken record about the gay thing but ur fav is literally a man with long hair & makeup that has to be some flavor of queer

hoy quarlow - you are/were another ancient punch out fan, you def shitpost a lot

bruiser bros - where are you??? ive gen never met a bruiser bros fan and its concerning like dude where did u go

texas mac - im sorry but you dont exist, ive never ever seen a texas mac fan, not even someone who mentions him

mad clown - you foul clownfucker. you have weird taste in characters you find hot and tbh im all here for it

masked muscle - same thing as texas mac but theres a slight chance you exist, if you do please show yourself

dragon chan - another punch out ancient fan, you probably were most active in 2013-2019 and kinda miss old shitposts and have either moved on or dont participate much anymore

spo aran - (this is mostly for Charlie but i have hope that theres some other spo aran fans out there) youre probably looking for other spo aran fans, goodpeed soldier, goodpeed

mask x - you arent getting away with this fuck you

[wolfavens]

ghost car of barna road

track 3 - liberty belle 1/2

my manager greeted me in irish.

i blinked at the screen in mute panic. i couldn’t remember how to reply. words and languages collided in my brain. it was a car crash, baby, and in the end all that came out of my mouth was a prolonged aaah with no end in sight. a perfect visual representation would be a multilanguage tsunami, pouring out of my ears and pooling around my slippers on the dusty rug of my childhood bedroom.

i used to write those words down into a black notebook, watching you mock me from that dusty rug. you and your smug gaeltacht born grin. who would’ve thought i will forget them all by the time i’m 30.

“how did the move go?”

move. to galway. my hometown. i found my voice again and rushed out: “oh yeah! the move went okay. got here late last night. drive was smooth. not many cars around after midnight.”

“hehe, don’t get used to it. it’s a totally different story after 8am.”

we chatted for a while, arranging to meet in dublin next month when i was all settled in. won’t take long. all i needed was to get a flat, a car - did i need help with the flat? there are probably relocation programmes for employees available. no. i think i got it. did i tho?

we finished the call twenty minutes later. the fact i managed to scrape by enough words to at least tell him goodbye in irish seemed to cheer him up a bit.

i finished up some minor work tasks, sipping at the remainder of my mother’s disgusting herbal tea and took a short break to open the dusty unused storage areas of my childhood bedroom. i needed to clean up the old junk before moving in the new junk. i had to give one thing to my mother; she did an excellent job of preserving this place. if ever i managed to do something worthwhile with my life she could start charging fucking entry for this museum of fiadh kavanagh.

shaking my head i started pulling out old clothes and creating a pile on the floor. if she believed i still fit into these jeans i should be worried about early onset neurodegenerative diseases.

i was done with the columns and moving on to the hangers by the time she stuck her head in and quirked her dark eyebrows at me. “need any help?”

“mom, why the fuck did you keep all this?” i asked, showcasing fist-full of short gothic dresses. “aren’t you worried about clothes moths?”

ignoring my point she sat down on the bed, smiling. “oh, i though you might still like to keep some of it. it’s not like we need extra storage.”

“mom, look at me!” i threw another armful onto the pile, lifting my arms to indicate my age ravaged body. “how could i possibly fit into size four?! some of these are from the children’s section!”

“you look like a string, you could easily fit. it’s the cigarettes. they are not good for ya.”

i rolled my eyes. “i’m not even fucki…”

the feel of a familiar soft fabric beneath my fingertips made me stop midsentence. i pulled it out into the light with shaking fingers, heart racing against my ribcage. it looked huge in my palms. the faded graphics were barely visible in the shadowy light of my room. if you tried hard enough you could just barely make out the name of the band. distantly i heard my mom echo my name but i was stuck in the past, standing in the cold autumn rain by the open driver’s side window of your car.

“ooooh, i remember this one,” my mother said with a nostalgic smile.

i made a small sound at the back of my throat.

“it’s the donovan boy’s, isn’t it? i remember teasing him about it. i told him: young man, this is not a free laundry i run here! you know what he said to me?”

i nodded, whispering, “it’s not my fault yer daughter is a stinkin’ thief.”

she laughed. “little bastard. he was the worst influence on you. funny how he turned out. would never expect a son of deirdre donovan to make something of himself. i guess we owe it all to the wife. she…”

my body snapped back to action. i was moving away before she could say her name. putting the sweater on the bed next to her, i brushed my hands against my sweatpants and mumbled: “right, look we need to get rid of all this before i can unpack. do you know someone with skinny teenage children? ideally with a questionable fashion sense?”

“we can drive to the clothes recycling point.”

“grand! let’s do that after work.” i told her, kicking my way through the discarted clothes toward the closet and dumping whatever was left on top of the rest. “i need to get back to work now. i have a meeting in 20.”

“oh, ok. sorry.” she chuckled, standing up. “i will bring some bags to put all of this in.” she reached for the sweater on her way out and i jumped in to block her path on impulse.

“uh… where are you taking that?”

she blinked up at me, brown eyes surprised. “downstairs. i figured i could return it to the rightful owner rather than donate it to charity. although,” she giggled, pulling it apart for scale, “i doubt it will still fit him.”

she was gone before i could open my mouth, taking the sweater with her. my clenched fists unclenched with effort as i pushed the door closed and leaned my back against it. i was breathing too hard. the way you handed me that sweater through the driver’s side window on that rainy, a blast from the past; a ghostly memory. just enough to make me shudder.

[idridian]

for the reverse unpopular opinion thing: here's a blank check to talk about douglas rain 😘

thank you kindly for activating my trap card, here's a NON-EXHAUSTIVE list (in no particular order and pulled entirely from memory) of delightful facts about douglas rain:

cared so incredibly much about the canadian theatre scene and tried to improve it wherever he could, be that by performing or by teaching younger actors. he had many opinions about how to get people interested in theatre

rehearsals were apparently his favourite part of acting and he was highkey intense about it for understandable reasons, which does NOT detract from the ???? factor of finding out that he straight up built a partial replica of the stratford festival theatre stage in his fuckin attic at home so he could practice his lines and blocking there. like what the fuck douglas, can you chill

the only thing funnier than this is the line immediately preceding this nugget of info in his stratford festival archives entry, where one of the artistic directors of the shaw festival is like "douglas rain had the uncanny ability to be word-perfect by week two of rehearsals" like yeah bitch, i wonder why. he went home from rehearsals and went to his attic to continue rehearsing there lol

during the very first season of stratford, he understudied alec guinness as the title role in richard iii, and one time the director 'Big Man' guthrie challenged him to imitate mr guinness' performance as closely as he could, which resulted in guinness grabbing a two-by-four and chasing douglas around the stage with it???? douglas was not entirely sure if it was because he did it really well or really badly

apparently kept a vegetable garden. this has nothing to do with anything; i just think it's cute that he had hobbies

spoke in a particular (now basically extinct, from what i understand) version of canadian english called canadian dainty, which veers slightly towards british pronunciation. combined with his very precise diction, this makes him say some words kinda funny, which i find very endearing/entertaining

he was apparently also really good at doing other accents. the only physical evidence i have of this is his performance in william lyon mackenzie: a friend to his country, where he does a scottish accent (and again, i am delighted), but i've read in Extremely Old Newspapers that he could do like,,, a perfect irish accent as a child??

i tracked down his yearbook entry from when he graduated in 1950 (in my defence, the manitoba university has an archive of decades worth of yearbooks freely available as pdfs on their website; what else are they for if not this) and the last sentence of his entry says "future is undecided, but indications are good" which is incredibly funny. they really said 'yeah idk what his deal is exactly, but he seems to be having fun'. and they were RIGHT

my honest impression of him is that he would never intentionally cause chaos because that would be impolite, but if you dropped him into a chaotic situation he would take a look around and then immediately refuse to leave, which imo is even more hysterical

"all the best sweetie"

while i categorically enjoy everything he's involved in by pure virtue of him being there, i harbour a particular fondness for roles where he plays just,,,, an absolute DUMBASS. like i cannot express in words the joy i felt when listening to tartuffe (1968) and hearing him make indignant grumbling noises as he crawled under a table while martha henry, his irl wife playing his wife in the play, made fun of him. 11/10 it means everything to me

i find him very handsome also. again, nothing to do with anything, i just like to look at him y'know

anyway i have to stop now because if left to my own devices, this post would just keep going forever, but you get the point. i adore him <3

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Chortle headlines roundup, anyone?

Nope. Nope nope nope nope nope. We're not doing this. Jeremy Hardy went in his late 50s, Paul Sinha's health is deteriorating, if we lose Mark Steel before his time then they'll have to just cancel Radio 4. Not doing that. Fuck that shit. He's only 63, that's younger than my parents. Absolutely not.

...The article does say the condition is treatable and he'll likely be okay after a while, so that's good. It also has some on-brand quotes from him that muse on mortality. Good man. We are not losing that one yet.

(Obviously... not to make a serious issue all about me and other lovers of Radio 4 or anything... I wish a speedy recovery and the best for him and his family and all that.)

I wasn't sure I was going to watch season 3 of this - not that seasons 1 or 2 were bad, but season 2 didn't keep my attention all that well (except when Joe Wilkinson and Jessica Hynes were on), I figured I get the idea and don't really need to see a lot more. But actually, that's quite a good lineup. Roisin Conaty is always funny. Add in Alan Davies, Guz Khan, and Chris McCausland - and yeah, I'll probably give Knockoff Taskmaster a watch again.

You know, I wondered about then when I watched the French and Saunders show. The constant fat jokes about Dawn French seemed okay because she was one of the writers, she was choosing to say it about herself, that makes it okay the same way it is when Jo Brand does it. But still, there really were a lot of them. And obviously comedians are pressured to make any feature about themselves into a USP, so just because she agreed to do the jokes doesn't mean she always wanted to. That show was funny, it's a pity to see this.

(Obligatory note that the headline, like most headlines, is a bit sensationalized, these Chortle headline round-ups are meant to be partly a joke about how the headlines don't really tell you anything and just throw a bunch of disparate facts in your face all at once, and you should really read the articles if you want to know stuff. But the information in the headline is basically accurate.)

The Aussies are coming! The Aussies are coming! With their excessive Rs after vowels and their mildly racist names for coolers!

(I briefly misread the Sam Campbell article's description as calling him a "Taskmaster winner", and had a split second of believing Chortle had somehow made a colossal blunder and accidentally posted a huge spoiler that made me very pleased.)

If they make that, I'll probably watch it. I might watch some of the Irish one because Aisling Bea and Catherine Bohart, even though the worst fucking person in the world is also on it.

I did watch the first two episodes of the Canadian one. Have I admitted that on here yet? It wasn't my finest hour - and it was just one hour, two episodes - when I watched reality TV on Amazon Prime. But Mae Martin was in it. Mae Martin was in it looking focused and intense as they tried not to laugh and for personal reasons I just had to see that. Then (spoiler alert, I guess) they were out after two episodes, so I didn't watch any further.

I have to admit I rather enjoyed it, though. The rest of the cast was also funny. It had Jon Lajoie, guy who made a bunch of funny videos when I was in high school that my friends and I used to quote all the time, then didn't make anything for like 12 years, then came back in 2020 with this absolute earworm that hit the perfect note of what we needed in early pandemic days:

Anyway, he was on the Canadian LOL show, and he was pretty entertaining. Also Colin Mochrie from Who's Line, which I used to watch as a kid. Tom Green, quite a good stand-up comedian who went to my high school (not at the same time or anything, he's much older than me, he's just the only famous person who ever went to my high school). K Trevor Wilson, aka Squirrly Dan from Letterkenny. Andrew Phung from Kim's Convenience. It was fun seeing the mishmash of Canadian comedy people from all these different things in one room. I guess would be less of a novelty in the UK, since we don't have panel shows here.

And I've got to admit, when I forced the judgmental "there is no logical reason why this is a higher form of entertainment than any other shit reality TV" part of my brain to turn off, I found the format pretty funny. I'd watch Irish people do that. I'd watch British people do it. I mean, I didn't love it enough to finish the show after Mae was gone. But I might go back to it at some point.

Still doing that, are we? Going with the cheeky term "peeing Tom" for men who spy on naked women without their consent? I don't object to Hugh Dennis playing the role obviously, they're not going to portray that as a guy we're supposed to like. Just not sure I love Chortle's word choice.

That's good. Put your minds at ease, people who are worried that Jim Davidson isn't mentoring aspiring comedians. Everything's okay.

I was about to say "Steve, what the fuck would you consider a 5-star show then?", but then I remembered that to be fair to Steve Bennett, the quality of this show does vary wildly depending what night you see it and who's in the audience. Don't turn up to this and derail it with heckles, everyone, even though you're allowed. The show in its proper form is brilliant.

I tried to ignore this one, I really did. But I'm sorry, that's too funny a headline not to include here. Sorry, Johnny. Bad luck.

[peakyoak]

This Dark Disposition: Chapter 40 - Here We Are

A Few Days Later

Tommy led the pair as they descended a spirally set of stairs into the basement of the building. It was old, and had a sense of character to it that new builds just couldn’t replicate. Wooden accents gave life to the doorways, the walls, and the railing Danielle held as they walked down the stairs. 

At the bottom Tommy paused for a second to look back at her before they started walking down the hall. It was as if he needed the reassurance that she was still behind him, backing him up. When they turned the corner they saw Campbell waiting for them at the end of the hall and both of their paces slowed as their expressions grew more sullen. 

“You two love birds might think this is a curious spot for me to propose a meeting,” Campbell adjusted his cane and it thumped against the hardwood floor, “but the surprises have only just begun.”

Danielle shot a glance at Tommy when Campbell turned to open the door to an adjacent room. They walked through the room and saw two people sitting at a table, a man and a woman. Danielle didn’t recognize them, but it became clear that these two people were Irish. Danielle glanced at Tommy again to read his expression. A stranger wouldn’t have been able to read his face, but she was no stranger. From his expression she gathered that Tommy knew them. 

“You’re working together,” Tommy’s tone was raspy, “Blowing up the Garrison was your idea.” He turned his head to the side, Danielle could tell he was pissed off, “That’s funny, I thought, you fenians had a policy, eh, of not mixing the personal with the political.”

“That’s enough,” the woman said in an Irish accent. Danielle couldn’t quite describe it, but it was as though she sounded even more Irish than Campbell. Danielle noticed how the man sitting next to her was looking at her somewhat menacingly, as if he was plotting. Danielle knew the only person she could trust in this room was Tommy. 

“I think I’ll decide on what is enough,” Campbell said as Tommy walked over to the table. 

“Who’s in charge here then,” Danielle said as her body came to life after being lost in her own thoughts, “Who’s in charge, is it you?” She walked to the table and pointed at Campbell, “Because it doesn’t bloody seem like it.”

“Let me understand this,” Tommy said as if to prevent Danielle from getting too involved, “You answer to an agent of the Crown?”

“Perhaps we can-”

“Very interesting,” Tommy said, cutting Campbell off.

“Is it you,” Danielle said as she turned to point at the woman, “Because that seems more like it eh, and it sure as hell isn’t you,” she said as she pointed to the man beside her. 

“Well you are really more arrogant than him, ain’t ya,” the woman spoke. 

Danielle regained her composure and stood up straight.

“You do not speak to her like that,” Tommy said as he turned to point at the woman, “You do not.”

“Perhaps we can stick to the agenda,” Campbell pleaded. 

“Whose agenda?” Danielle asked, “Whose words.”

“Just come to order,” Campbell asked.

“I’m here to listen, but not to the fucking infiltry,” Tommy spoke sharply and looked directly at the man at the table. Danielle could tell that Tommy didn’t like him either.

“Can we just conduct ourselves,” Campbell said, but Danielle could tell Tommy was passed that, “No one here wants to breathe the same air as anyone else.”

“Nevertheless-” Campbell started.

This time it was Danielle who cut him off, “Nevertheless, the pro-treaty paddies and the King want the same man dead.” 

“Why,” Tommy spoke.

“Did you ask why in France,” the woman said to Tommy and his eyes met with Danielle’s.

“Yeah,” Tommy said, his eyes still on Danny’s.

“So it's the same answer,” Campbell said as he sat in a chair, “Because.”

“Because if anyone connects us to this it will be assumed that it was a criminal act and not a political one,” Danielle said what Tommy was thinking. 

“No. You need not fear being connected to the killing because I will see to it that no connection to it is ever made. You will have complete immunity after the fact,” Campbell said it as if he actually believed it. Danielle rolled her eyes.

“And none of you can be connected to it or seem involved in any way,” Danielle said as she shifted her weight and clicked her heel against the hardwood signalling to Tommy that it was time to leave. 

“I’m not doing it,” Tommy said, changing his mind, “My answer is no.” Danielle turned to head out the door and this time he followed her. 

Danielle could hear Campbell’s cane against the floor following them out of the room, “Mr. Shelby,” Campbell called while they walked down the hall, “What about your export license, Mr. Shelby?”

Tommy stopped walking down the hall and paused in place, “What about your deal with Mr. Churchill?” Danielle knew that name and that man, she knew him from the trenches in France. What was new to her was that he was now connected to Tommy. He looked at her for a moment before he turned and stormed down the hall towards Campbell.

Danielle followed him and Tommy spoke to Campbell in a hushed tone, “Donal Henry is a spy. He’s working for the irregulars against the pro-treaty paddies. He reports every fucking word back to them.” Hearing this made Danielle realise why Tommy had acted the way he had when seeing him. 

“No, it's not possible. He was vetted by my own department,” Campbell said defensively. 

Now, having enough information to intervene Danielle added, “Do you really think anyone does anything in this city without Tommy knowing?”

“I have men in places you men can’t go,” Tommy pointed his finger to Campbell’s chest, “He meets with the anti-treaty paddies in a backroom, sometimes even twice a week.”

“The Irish rely only on kin, Mr. Campbell. Brothers, cousins, family. Your coppers can’t compete with blood,” Danielle felt more confident now as she held her clutch with both hands.

“You are stepping into a world you don’t understand,” Tommy said before turning away, “bring proof that the spy is dead, and we can continue.”

When they stepped out onto the street Tommy immediately put his hand on Danielle’s back and guided her back towards Watery Lane. She didn’t dare say anything until she knew they were for sure out of ear shot, “The Irish blew up the Pub?”

“Yes,” Tommy said as he placed pressure on one side of her back so she would turn to go down a side street, “You didn’t say anything.”

“Well you seemed to put it all together quite quickly,” Tommy said, avoiding the fact that Danielle had not yet known the full truth until now.

“You could have told me sooner.” 

Tommy let out a deep breath and Danielle could tell he was frustrated, “Yes, but I didn’t so here we are.”

“Danny there’s something else I need to tell you that I haven’t told the boys yet,” Tommy put his hand on her arm to stop her from walking any further. She pulled her arm away from him and looked up and down the street. It was dusk now and the streets were beginning to empty, “Tomorrow night we make our move on the Eden Club.”

Danielle took a step back, “Last time,”

“What happened last time isn’t what will happen this time,” Tommy said in a low voice so no one could overhear. In seconds, Danielle’s mind raced with images of the fancy, golden club filled with people, dancing, laughing, and then she saw pictures of the boys tearing the place apart, and Tommy hurt again by Sabini - or worse. Tommy put both of his hands on Danielle’s arms and that shook her back to reality, “the coppers will be looking the other way. I’ve made sure of it.”

“The coppers aren’t exactly the ones I’m worried about, Tommy.”

“Sabini’s day is done,” Tommy said in a tone that was too confident for Danielle to take seriously. Had he really thought this through?

“And there’s something else you need to know,” Tommy said as he ran his arms up hers, “There’s a woman. Her name is May, she’s training my horse for the Derby. She’s going to be here to gather the horse later this week. I didn’t want you to be surprised.”

“So you didn’t want me to be surprised about her, but it was fine enough for me to be surprised about what happened in that room back there,” Danielle said, trying to keep her voice calm and her tone low. She couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed by the impossibility of the situation.

“Listen to me. Eh, listen to me.” Tommy gave her shoulders a little shake and she looked up at him, “I should have told you. I was wrong. I didn’t know they were working together, but I should’ve told you about the other stuff.” He had her attention now, “Danny, we’re going to figure it out, we will. We will get through it.” His tone was balanced now, calm, and back to his usual composed cadence, “And I will be here to see that baby enter this world, I promise you I will.”

Danielle breathed a sigh of relief that she had been holding in over the last few days, and even weeks as she navigated her new reality; the pregnancy, Tommy’s business with Campbell, the London takeover, everything had been moving so fast. Before she could take a breath in his lips met hers and she felt the tension that she had been holding onto dissolve into the air on the street around them. This, she thought, made everything so much better.

[coralinehecc]

Corals Monthly Update #3

HOHOHO!! FIRST BLOG POST OF 2023 AND I’M NEARLY 2 WEEKS LATE!!! Super sorry about the long wait! I’ve had tests recently and only got off of school like a few days ago haha! So! Welcome back to my monthly update on what I get up to in my life! Now, before we get into January, I, for the final time, have to tap back into the previous month. Curse past me for thinking the 21st was a good day to start doing these!!! ANYHOW! The rest of December and early January were a BLAST! But lemmie talk about what happened after I made the last update. CHRISTMAS!! I had a great time with my family and I got a bunch of fluffy things cuz that’s apparently the easiest thing to get me now. We also had dinner on Christmas day with my Grandparents like every year. Over-all that day was very fun! I even got drunk playing Minecraft which was funny for everyone in VC. The next few days weren’t anything exciting, however my brother Finn had a bunch of his friends over for his birthday which was chaotic. But the excitement picks back up on the 28th! BECAUSE SKYE AND VI CAME OVER FOR NEW YEARS!! We’ve been planning this since like, June, so it was awesome seeing them again! We did all kinds of stuff from shopping to playing some awesome games! (I am now chronically addicted to Ultra Kill thanks guys)

We even did some baking! Here is our glorious creation I dubbed, “The Jimothy”. 

Overall the rest of December was awesome! I’m glad I got to celebrate New Years with my besties! Overall, I’ll give it a 10/10! Best way to end 2022 >:D Here’s a few more misc photos hehehhehe

NOW! FOR JANUARY!! January started off still vibing with the guys. However they would then go home on the 4th which sucks. But before that, both Skye and I spent a lot of money on consoles that are almost as old as ourselves. They bought a fucking PS Vita and I got a motherfucking Wii. We both had fun with em and I even helped Skye homebrew their Vita since I wanted to put PebbleCD on it (I failed but shut uuup) But yea, sadly the guys had to go and it sucked! But I still had a great time. There’s a bit of a gap here right up until the 12th, where finally, the big event happened. CAREY IN THE HOUSE WENT LIVE!! I had finished it a few days prior but figured I’d build up hype by posting it on that Friday. AND IT SURE WORKED! The video blew up faster than any of my videos before it! I am so happy the response has been overwhelmingly positive. I also love how the only main complaint that was common amongst people was that Careys exaggerated accent was annoying which, yea can’t argue against. For anyone wishing for more CITH content, I did a behind the scenes mega thread over on my twitter if you wanna have a deeper look into the production! I’ll even link it here:  https://twitter.com/Carey_Black_/status/1619731723352444928 Now, to move onto why it took me forever to make an update. My mock exams.. BUT BEFORE THAT!! THERE’S ALSO THE FACT THAT MR WULF AND I WERE ABLE TO ARCHIVE THE ORIGINAL EDDSWORLD BANG BOOM SPLAT PROJECT FILE!!

This all started because Wulf wanted to edit the credits for his arcade BBS build since I was helping him out and since I said SWF modding is hard he just casually asked Psycosis and after seeing his WIP cabinet, gave Wulf the FLA! So a current “BBS arcade version” is in the works by yours truly thanks to both the generosity of Psycosis and the fact that Mr Wulf is a fucking mad man who could stop global warming in a month if he wanted to LOL! Here’s Wulfs finished Cabinet btw!:  https://twitter.com/MrWulfOfficial/status/1622295302685315073 But yea, for real. My mock exams were a pain! For those outside of Ireland or have a different name for em, Mock exams are, well, exams that act like a practice run for your finals. They’re always harder than the actual finals and are usually graded stricter too! Why? Who knows! The Irish education system is a joke. I feel like I did somewhat ok in them anyway? Some were definitely worse than others but overall it was more of an inconvenience. I did get this really cool art piece out of it however.

Exams would later spill over into February and like I said at the start, I finished and got off school a few days ago. Overall, this month was about a 7/10. It was pretty good, especially in the Eddsworld department, but mocks and other personal tid bits I didn’t mention here dragged it down for me. Since February seems to be mostly me being off school, I hope this month will be better haha! Only time will tell! Thank you for reading! And I hope to see you next month!! (Hopefully on time too haha!) 

[rottingmanifesto]

Pre-Fire Part 2 + Fire

-It’s interesting to see how awkward Lincoln is at the country club. Understandably so, considering he’s never been and the connotations of the time, but I wish we saw more to that side of him. It wears off by the time he meets Sal (despite the numerous micro-aggressions), but still, I wonder.

-I want to know more about the event Giorgi talks about with Lincoln. It was likely in 1964, maybe September or October before he went to boot camp. Regardless, I want to see/hear more about that night!

-“You make him sound like a goddamn lawyer.” Oh if only

-Ah. Sal.

-eyyy Vito! I love how skeptical he is of everything, especially when Sal starts talking.

-WHY DID HE SAY “it’s pretty fuckin’ ballsy” TO SAL. LINCOLN YOU ARE SO STUPID

-anyway.

-Ow this hurts. I think even if he said yes Lincoln would’ve been manipulated.

-“But you know, even after we’re all evened up, you’re still gonna be sloppin’ around in the ass end of this city. Not much of a future in that.” Why does this line remind me of The Outsiders by SE Hinton? No clue, but still, interesting line.

-This also reveals a bit about Lincoln— not only is there that loyalty, but he also doesn’t think far into the future. He has general ideas of how things might go, but otherwise? He goes off of the past to shape his present. I don’t know, I just like that characterization.

-I bet Giorgi suggested Lincoln take over, and feels shame when Lincoln says no.

-John’s part is fascinating to me. What exactly did he mean? My interpretation is mostly that Lincoln just went with things with some plan but not much, he wasn’t bogged down by details when he had a goal in mind. But that’s my theory, I’m not quite sure what he meant.

Heist

-“Fuckers!” That line is so funny to me I don’t know why

-I love how Giorgi is the voice of reason here: Lincoln says nothing and both Danny and Ellis want to use the TNT. How the hell does this friend group even function

-the vault falling is so funny to me, looney tunes ass hijink

Burke’s Place

-DANNY MY BELOVED

-I wanna know how Lincoln got the Casanova nickname. Like I can deduce what it means, but I want to know the story

-“yeah. Unfortunately.”

-The banter between these four is great, I wish we saw more of it

-Danny switches accents with his dad. Little details like this make the characters feel human to me (even if it sounds more Scottish than Irish)

-they never cleaned the car :(

-NICKIIIIIIII my favorite (fictional) lesbian

Mardi Gras

-I want the lore on the underground tunnels. It looks so cool! NOLA doesn’t have any so I wonder where they got the idea

-the ass joke. Enough said

-what kind of building has a ladder to the underground canals? That’s what I want to know

-“fuck you pig!” Best line in the whole series 10/10 no more games needed

-look, I know plot armor and all that, but how did they not get caught? You’d think the police would be looking for them even above ground before they even got up there

-Danny, hon. You’re an awful actor

-“We all got a friend in Jesus.”

-the graveyard looks so cool ngl

-“I’m sleepin’ on a bed of tiddies” yeah if only man

The Fire

-I love Sammy and Ellis’ banter. Again, wish we saw more, like a prequel DLC or something

-“It’s freedom. Real freedom.” The cost of freedom is buried in the ground.

-Sammy’s suspicions were right, but he couldn’t warn anyone

-ah the kiss of death

-the dramatic irony of “ain’t no one standing over me again” and his death being, well, someone standing over him.

-Lincoln’s hallucinations are interesting. It would’ve been nice to know the lore (if it was fumes, or PTSD, or something else)

-What would’ve happened if he didn’t make that call?

-“You’re goddamn right I did.”

Recovery

-This is where the timeline confuses me. We see Robert Kennedy’s assassination (in June of 1968), but we also see Anna’s death around the same time despite Lincoln allegedly being (partially) incapacitated. So either RK’s assassination happened earlier in this world, or there was an accidental retcon.

-John falling asleep next to Lincoln reveals a lot about his motivations. If he really were there just to help with revenge, then why stick around? All he has to do (technically) is the setup, but instead, John chooses to help and keep watch over his friend. I really do believe John cares deeply for Lincoln (whether that be romantic or platonic is up to the player).

-The conversation between Lincoln and FJ is sad to me— the beginning of the end.

[strangefellows]

Two different fandoms and I know in general but I'm curious about the details, Cu and Emet?

First impression

Emet: God my reaction was basically OH GOD, NO when he popped up the first time because I'd been so burned by Ardyn's treatment and how he was mishandled in XV, and Emet giving me Ardyn vibes nearly immediately triggered my panic button of NO I DON'T WANT THIS AGAIN. I did NOT want to like him and get fucked over again.

Cu: Hot! Hot guy! Oh, Cu Chulainn, I know him! He's my dad's favorite myth hero! My dad and I watched UBW together, so he was pretty hyped to see Cu, and though at the time I didn't know as much about him, I thought he looked pretty cool and I'm a nut for Irish/Celtic mythos, so I was intrigued.

Impression now

Emet: MY LOVE MY DARLING, YOU BASTARD MAN. I can tell you the exact moment I gave in was in Amaurot, during Hyth's little speech about Emet when they had a nearly frame-by-frame perfect recreation of an Ardyn scene (the bit where Emet's walking down the street shot in dif angles) and it hit me that Ishikawa was not going to do me dirty like Tabata did, and I just went "oh okay I can safely love him". He's fantastic and one of my favorite FF characters now but also FUCK YOU FOR LEAVING YOU ABSOLUTE BITCHLORD

Cu: I LOVE HIM SO MUCH [sobbing] his interactions with Rin and Shirou in UBW were what sold me on him completely, he was just so warm and friendly and teasing, and so clearly a loyal badass, and his death scene absolutely destroyed my ass, and then I read about myth Cu and screamed a bit because he's SO COOL, and then FGO ruined me further. He's incredible.

Favorite moment

Emet: "You've committed the cardinal sin of boring me." is one of them for sure, but also Literally Everything In Elpis. The moment when you go in as a DPS and this motherfucker is a DRK.

Cu: Absolutely destroying Kirei in UBW, CasCu wrecking Corrupted Emiya's shit in the Fuyuki Singularity anime, every single time in my FGO file this absolute Irish cockroach has been my last man standing and saved the entire fight for me singlehandedly, my love my darling.

Idea for a story

Emet: YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED YOU BITCH; anything like that I guess, but also let me see more past shenanigans.

Cu: God, IDK, myth stuff? Chaldea shenanigans? Let this man have a damn nap?

Unpopular opinion

Emet: ....I'm not sure what's unpopular or not anymore? It's hard to say.

Cu: I absolutely fucking despise the "Oh no, you killed Cu!" joke, it's not funny, mildly insulting frankly, and it needs to knock it off. He has plenty of comedic potential without him needing to be lol-murdered every five minutes. The comedic abuse angle is awful. (On a less salty note, I don't ship Cu and Emiya, though yall do yall XD)

Favorite relationship

Emet: EmetAzemHyth OT3, obviously! Though Emet and non-Azem WoLs is fun to explore too, his relationship with them.

Cu: Besides how much I fucking adore the BFF relationship I've written between him and my Fujimaru? ALL ABOARD THE GOOD DINGHY SS CUROBIN!!!! Though CuGil is a fun secondary ship, and like I said for Gil, the Cu+Gil+Emiya friendship trio is delightful.

Favorite headcanon

Emet: I like the idea he has some sentimental feelings towards the Garlean Empire (its people specifically) despite everything, and it would kinda break his heart to see it as of EW.

Cu: Trans Cu thanks very much. Also I headcanon a VERY DIFFERENT version of events regarding Aife and Connla's conception that I won't talk about here, but I do prefer my version given Cu's stated personality. (Also I like thinking he was actually pretty loyal to Emer despite the flirting, he doesn't seem the type to actively cheat, regardless of what's said his personality doesn't to me seem the type.)

[mino2aur]

fallout 4 companions pros and cons list

dogmeat

pros: funny doggy, no judging you ever

cons: ?

codsworth

pros: robot, funny voice, has a flamethrower, incredible lust for violence

cons: VERY judgemental, british

piper

pros: kinda quirky, strange facial animation

cons: keeps spreading synth fearmongering despite claiming to be pro synth rights, strange facial animation, still says "sweet summer child"

preston

pros: genuinely a nice dude, radiant quests (if youre a settlementpilled minutechad)

cons: ? (radiant quests if youre a hater and a loser)

danse

pros: large and sexy, autistic

cons: brotherhood of steel

deacon

pros: railroad, bald guy swag, silly and funny

cons: ?

strong or whatever his name is

pros: super mutant, silly and funny

cons: deeply depressing if youve played new vegas and saw how much of a downgrade they gave mutants between games. jesus christ

curie

pros: robot, funny voice, dubious ethics

cons: has to get turned into a synth which is way less cool, french

hancock

pros: people magazine's sexiest man alive 200 years running, anarchist, ghoul

cons: ?

macready

pros: hey thats the kid from fallout 3 but hes an adult now. thats so epic.

cons: shut the fuck up macready get out of here

cait

pros: likes stealing and murder, irish, hotted woman

cons: poorly written

x6 88

im not gonna lie to you i did not realise you could companion this guy during my last full playthrough so i dont know anything about him. he seems nice tho

nick valentine

pros: sexy as all hell, synth, good gimmick

cons: ?

DLCS BELOW

ada

pros: robot, i straight up think she is attracted to the player character, you can give her laser gun arms, nice voice

cons: ?

old longfellow

pros: funny oldman, reminds me of movie "the lighthouse"

cons: ?

porter gage

pros: some people are attracted to him

cons: not me though fuck off im not gonna piss off my man preston

[yeetskeetiwandelete]

Me, worldbuilding, then and now

THEN: "Fuck me, how the hell am I supposed to name cities?! I've got the words to do it, but this is an important location! The name has to be meaningful! Now I gotta make it memorable and meaningful! Fuck! How do I do that?!"

NOW: "Fuck it, you're the primary harbour city in this nation. Congradulations. I'm gonna name you Seashore. In the langauge of your nation, hm... I've only got "Mhar" for "Sea." I'm just gonna make something up for "shore." Hm... Mharlor... I like that! Right, to the next city!"

THEN: "Hm... I don't have any ideas for halflings or gnomes. I guess I got something good going for the dwarves, though. I really have to figure out something for the halflings. And gnomes. Maybe gnomes are a subspecies of halfling? Why are halflings there at all?"

NOW: "Man, getting rid of the halflings and gnomes made this so much easier. I like ancient extinct dwarves, can't do much with those losers though. I should keep getting rid of my problems."

THEN: "Huh. I really do not want barons and kings and dukes in every nation. How do I work around that? I don't really want theocracies, how am I going to logic out a democracy, do I want a republic? Hm. I don't like most of these."

NOW: "Fuck it, we're making shit up. You- (Agressively points at Ellostacia)- You get mardrakes and shit! And just you!"

THEN: "Well, shit, you're a cowgirl now! How the fuck am I going to fit a cowgirl in here?! If I have to make a whole nation out here like I did for the samurai, by God I'll do it, but for fuck's sake! How the fuck does one make the Wild West out here?!"

NOW: "So, cowboys and riders are completely different things, however the groups often overlap. On top of that, The Badlands are just badlands with praries on top. This is horrifying as is. There are not guns yet, but Badlanders are typically top-notch spellslingers

THEN: "Well, I gotta have some sort of naming system for each nation. Wait, fuck, how do they differ from our worlds'?! Goddammit, I should've seen this coming! Fuck, shit, I gotta make one for every nation, and they have to be original, and- FUCK!"

NOW: "Alright, the Irish already did that, why am I using Polish last names as first names up north, what even is the Okir naming system, why is John Artificer a possible name... Ah, fuck it. Daughter variant upon ye, I do like the -zyca to indicate gender so I'll keep that, this one's fun and that one's funny. Good enough."

THEN: "Hm. Fae are irredeemably evil. Actually, wait, there's no nuance to that. Maybe their society works differently. There has to be some sort of reason why they steal kids and trick people. They cannot simply be irredeemably evil."

NOW: "Hm. Fae are irredeemably evil. This is because I fucking hate fae and there is no reason beyond that. They're twisted little bastards who do fucked up shit for fun and that is all the justification they need."

THEN: "why is my magic system 5/8 space based"

NOW: "why did i do this to myself. now i have to think of all the implications of this." (Thinks of the implications.) "Wait this is cool actually." (I hve a bunch of random implications written in a Keeps list. This isn't a joke I literally have a Keep list dedicated to problems that may arise from my magic system.)

[fruggo]

Hello ! I saw the enemies fo lovers things and I wanna request if possible

“ rich coming from the guy who tried to kill me three days ago. “

With frank if you would and thank you

yessirrr i love frank sm it’s not ok. also umm i may have accidentally written friends to enemies to lovers or something idk. and though i wouldnt necessarily call you friends at the start, you werent really enemies yet???? idk🐸just ummm yeh i love frank

also help how do i not go overboard???? i feel like i made this way too long, please help and i am sorry

warnings: canon-typical violence, swearing, frank being a bastard but then you’re like awwww he’s a cute bastard aaaaw

~~

Things were weird with Frank, and they always had been from the moment you stepped foot in the Entity’s realm. He always tunneled you relentlessly, and that made you think of him as a big asshole, but there were some strange details tacked onto the sentiment that greatly confused you, should you think about it for more than three seconds.

Sometimes, it seemed like he went easy on you in chases, like he put in no effort. He would chase you for a while, let you waste his time, and then leave without even getting a hit on you when he definitely had the ability to.

And you hated saying this, but when he handled you, it almost felt…gentle. Granted, he was a killer, and his job was to murder you, but your experiences with him did not quite line up with those of the other survivors.

They always described trials against Frank as “stepping on legos in the middle of the night” or something akin to that. You never felt like that, though—when he chased you, it felt fair. Almost as if he played nice with you. And more often than not, the killer would let you go when he caught you. The reason remained a mystery to you until quite a bit later.

This trial, Frank was in 100% bastard mode. You had begun to think of his trials as quite easy due to his seemingly calm nature around you, so you were rather caught off guard when he downed you in the first 30 seconds of the match and tossed you onto a hook, no gentleness whatsoever.

You wanted to yell at him and ask what the fuck was wrong with him until you realized this was his fucking job, and this is how he should have been treating you all along. Maybe you had just been imagining it all, but you could have sworn he used to leave you alone more than this. Something just felt different.

After you were unhooked, he went for you again. And again. And then you were dead, completely wiped out of the trial. Frank had demolished you with no remorse.

You knew it was silly to feel betrayed, but you really couldn’t help it. In such an insane and hellish place, anything that could be even remotely perceived as kindness seemed like so much more of a big deal than it truly was. So Frank’s supposed “gentleness” with you had felt somewhat like a friend doing you a selfless favor. Of course, it was not a selfless favor, and it was certainly nowhere near kindness, because he was still a killer chasing you with a knife, but your standards had really lowered in this place.

After that trial, you were back to hating Frank for tunneling and bullying you (like you probably should). You began to understand the survivors’ saying about the legos—and you hoped that Frank would step on some legos too, because he fucking sucked sometimes.

And for a while, that’s just how it was. You nearly forgot how he used to go easier on you, and how you used to do okay in his matches. Now every time you were pit against each other it just felt like you were being stuck with a bunch of pins; you never had any time to breathe or rest or do literally anything. He just went after you until you were gone, and there was next to nothing you could do about it.

Everything changed very suddenly during a trial at Ormond.

You were expecting the same old routine with this asshole—chase, blah blah blah, die. You hardly had energy to fight back anymore.

So when he arrived out of breath at the killer shack, somehow knowing you would be here, Frank was surprised to find you relaxing under the window with your arms loosely crossed, a disapproving scowl upon your countenance. It was enough to make him hesitate in his tracks.

You let out a deep breath, refusing to break eye contact with his mask; you kept up that menacing frown for as long as you could, trying to make him feel guilty (who knows if it was even possible for him to feel guilty? But it was worth a try).

“Just kill me,” you said, voice steady and seemingly unbothered. Underneath the surface, you were trembling, but you stood your ground. “That’s what you’re gonna do, isn’t it? You’re going to chase me until I’m miserable and kill me off as soon as you can?”

Frank went still, not even fidgeting with his knife like he usually did; he was intrigued by your sudden confidence.

You went on. “I’m really sick and tired of you, you know that? I’m sick of you and your bullshit. Why can’t you treat me like everybody else? At first, you went easy on me. Now you just torture me with your stupid mind games, and frankly, I’m sick of playing! I’m done with you—I don’t care anymore! Just kill me, and I’ll get out of your way, okay asshole? Mori me if you want. I don’t give a shit.”

You put your hands up exasperatedly, fully expecting him to take the offer and just send you back to the campfire right then and there. But the man sighed, pocketed his knife, and sat down right next to you as if this were a normal thing for him to do.

You scooted a few inches away out of instinct. Frank noticed, but he chose not to say a word about it.

It was a long time before he said anything, and when he finally did, you wanted to punch him so bad.

“It’s complicated,” he mumbled. And that was all.

Oh, yeah? It was complicated? You scoffed, hanging your head with a bitter smile. “Oh, okay. Sure.”

Silence again.

Awkward, suffocating silence.

And then Frank got up and left. You were unbothered for the remainder of the trial, not even a scratch or bruise on your body.

~~

Sometimes you simply did things, and you didn’t know why. This thing that you just did was irrational, stupid, unplanned, unwise, and everything in-between, and you knew it was, but frequently you just had no impulse control. Perhaps it was the Entity’s influence, or maybe you had always been this way—you couldn’t really remember.

How did you get here again? Why were you laying on the ground? And why did your leg hurt so fucking much?

Oh, yes. Yes, yes, you remember now.

Funnily enough, it seems as though the Entity, along with certain killers, did not like it when survivors tried to enter their side of the forest! But you did it anyways, and it appeared that you had suffered the consequences. It’s not like you had put much thought into it; where was the point in that when nothing mattered anymore and you were stuck in an endless cycle of death?

You remembered entering the killer’s woods, looking around, and doing…something. What was that something? You couldn’t be sure, but then you remembered somebody coming up to you and probably definitely hurting you. Yep, your leg definitely was in a lot of pain. You couldn’t even look at it. Did you pass out for a while? Maybe. How long were you out for?

You lay still there for a while, thinking. Man, it really hurt, and boy, were you miserable. Maybe more miserable than you’d ever felt here. The Entity normally healed wounds immediately, but perhaps you had just angered it so much you deserved to suffer.

Oh, dear! You seemed to be passing out at this time. Yes, that was almost certainly what was happening. Black spots danced across your eyes as your body began to feel distant and numb, but you didn’t feel very worried about it. In fact, you felt like making jokes right now, but you had nobody to make jokes to and you probably couldn’t even speak.

Just as you began to accept it, there was a strange thumping sensation vibrating through the ground growing closer…and closer…

Footsteps! That’s good!

Oh. Not if it’s a killer. That’s not good, probably.

But you had no way of protesting when you felt yourself being picked up, because those black spots in your eyes were dancing a lot faster now, perhaps something akin to an Irish jig, and you also couldn’t feel your limbs.

Then you were fast asleep again, dreaming of Irish dancers who were actually big fluffy cloud people wearing leprechaun clothes. Nobody but you would ever know this, and it was going to stay that way.

On the bright side, it made it a lot easier for your rescuer to carry you to safety like this.

~~

When you awoke once more, you were horrified to find yourself in the Ormond lodge of all places. You knew immediately what had happened and were determined to escape as soon as possible.

Your injured leg proved to be a huge problem, however, and you collapsed the second you attempted to find freedom. Trying again, you collapsed once more, and probably maimed yourself further in the process.

Hearing the commotion from the second floor, your least favorite member of The Legion descended down from the main stairs, refusing to look directly at you even as he scooped you up and plunked you (gently) back onto the couch, which was rather comfortable (not that you would ever tell him that).

So he was playing it cool, huh?

Okay. You could play it cool, too. You were cool. Smooth as butter.

No. You really couldn’t be cool in a situation like this, and plus, your mind was still a little woohoo since whatever accident had occurred. Suddenly you blurted out, “Frank, I hate your guts.”

And he had the audacity to laugh. He laughed at you! He did the man chuckle thing, as if what you were saying was funny. No! You were completely serious! You did hate his guts!

Perhaps your face showed how upset you were, because he started to apologize (still laughing).

“Maybe you should go back to sleep,” Frank said after calming down a bit.

No. You couldn’t go back to sleep. You did not want to experience dancing cloud people dressed as leprechauns ever again in your life, for the rest of eternity. Never again.

So you shook your head violently, refusing to give an explanation, which just provoked Frank to anger all of a sudden. If you went back to sleep, he could have some alone time while the rest of The Legion was gone. He kept pushing, and you kept resisting, and he pushed and you resisted, until finally he gave up and let you off with a warning. If you made him mad again, he was throwing you out in the snow.

Fine with me, you said. Okay, I’ll do it right now, he said. No balls, you said.

So then Frank casually went to scoop you up in his arms again, and you started to freak out and beat your hands against his chest until he put you back down. He was was awfully mindful of your hurt leg for someone who was about to throw you into the snow.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry—please don’t throw me out,” you fussed. You thought he wouldn’t actually do it. You didn’t know it, but you were right—he was just messing with you because it was funny seeing you scared.

After a bit more griping back and forth, Frank began to grow concerned about your leg. He didn’t know how to bring up the topic because things were so odd between the two of you; this was your first interaction since the brief encounter in the shack. But he swallowed his pride, because the wound seemed to be getting worse by the minute.

“Hey, do you want me to, uhh…get some supplies?” Frank asked awkwardly. When you didn’t understand, he continued, “Your leg? It looks like it hurts…I could fix it if you want.”

You barked out a laugh at his words, unbelieving of this shift in attitude. “Rich coming from the guy who tried to kill me three days ago,” you snickered, genuinely finding it amusing.

Frank took offense. He was trying to be nice for once, and you thought it was funny. And his situation really was complex, whether you chose to believe it or not. Maybe he should just tell you to get it off of his chest.

“Listen,” he said, voice laced with seriousness. “When I told you things were complicated, I meant it.”

Sensing the mood change from his tone and body language, you stopped smiling and decided to pay attention to him. Just this once. Never again. After this you could go back to hating him.

Frank continued. “The Entity was going to start…well, hurting me, if I didn’t start doing better in trials. I really didn’t want to sacrifice you, which is embarrassing to admit, but I’ll say it. And I don’t think it liked that.”

You were surprised. And also relieved that you had been right all along—he had been going easy on you at first.

“Why me, though?” you asked, confused. “Why wouldn’t you want to sacrifice me? What about the other survivors?”

If the slight tilt of his head at your question didn’t answer it for you, the way he started tapping his feet and cracking his knuckles so nervously did.

Boy, if looks could kill, you would have died instantly at the scowl Frank sent your way; you grinned pridefully at the realization that this man was down bad. You couldn’t see the expression behind his mask, though, which Frank was thankful for.

He hated every second of this, but you loved it. You reveled in his embarrassment.

Leaning forward on your hands, you begged, “Tell me more! I want to hear all about your feelings for me.”

“I could stab you right now, you know that?”

“But you won’t. You liiiiike me!”

“What are you, eight years old?”

“No, but I am severely injured and have lost a lot of blood so I am not necessarily in the right headspace at the moment.”

“You make a fair point.”

“So tell me! What’s your favorite thing about me?”

“Your ass.”

“No, really.”

“Okay, your ass and your hair.”

“You know what, Frank, I still hate your guts.”

“No, you don’t.”

You paused for a moment. It was probably the blood loss talking, you decided later, but you said, “No. Maybe I don’t.”

[queenshelby]

ME AND THE DEVIL – PART TWO

Featuring: Tommy Shelby x Reader

Words: 6,459

Warnings: Smut, Mention of Domestic Abuse and Racism

Tag List (Tommy Shelby):

@lilymurphy03  @deefigs @theflamecrystal   @desperate-and-broken  @weepingstudentfishhorse  @captivatedbycillianmurphy  @fookingshelby  @livinginfantaxy  @rosey1981  @atomicsoulcollecto  @peakyboyslover  @nerdy4itall  @elenavampire21  @hanster1998  @mariapaiva13  @fairypitou  @harry-is-my-sunflower  @zozeebo  @lauren-raines-x @kasaikawa  @littlewierdalien  @sad-huffle-nerd  @theflamecrystal   @peakymalfoyscullymulder  @themissthang  @0ghostwriter0  @stylescanbeatmyback  

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The Charity

Usually, you didn’t accompany your husband to political events but, tonight, was different. It was a big night in Westminster.

One of the judges from the Queen’s Bench invited several members of parliament to a charity ball. The ball was hosted by the judge at his rather large mansion which he inherited from his father who was a well-known politician before he passed before the First World War.

The judge was a smart man but had recently fallen under the spell of your husband. He favoured national socialism after the stock market crash in the previous year and your husband’s ideals aligned with his.

It was of the upmost importance for your husband that you attend this function with him. It was all about appearances and, since the judge believed in the value of marriage, Oswald wanted to present himself as the perfect husband to his young wife.

Most importantly, the judge wanted to fund Oswald’s campaign with the view to gain power if your husband’s movement gained enough traction. Oswald wanted you to befriend the judge’s wife to ensure that the funding would be forthcoming.

The judge’s wife was a lady and rather wealthy herself. She was also involved in charitable organisations and you had her before, but only briefly.  

Despite some familiar faces, there were also people who attended the ball who, apparently, you hadn’t met before. Or have you?

Just after you entered the large mansion and were greeted by the host, your husband introduced you to his acquaintances, one of whom in particular caught your interest.

‘Y/N, may I introduce you to my acquaintance Mr Thomas Shelby, the deputy leader of the British Union of Fascists’ Oswald said, causing your heart to skip a beat. You knew from Ada since your last encounter that Tommy was a politician. But, you had no idea that he was a fascist and member of your husband’s party.

‘Mr Shelby, this is my wife, Y/N Mosley’ he added in which moment Tommy’s looked at you as if he had seen a ghost.

‘It’s a pleasure to meet you Mrs Mosley’ he said after clearing his throat. It was obvious to you that he had to quickly collected his thoughts.

‘Likewise, Mr Shelby’ you said as you shook his hand. You remembered his large and masculine hands. In fact, you remembered them very well. They were doing amazing and pleasurable things to you.

‘Would you like me to get your wife a drink while you arrange the meeting with Judge Kutchner. I could introduce her to my wife and they could talk about the upcoming charity event, eh?’ Tommy asked your husband as he had been inundated by several invitees of the host.

‘That is very thoughtful of you, Mr Shelby. I would appreciate it’ your husband said politely.

‘Alright then. Follow me, Mrs Mosley’ Tommy said as he took your hand like a gentleman and walked with you towards a group of women who included his wife Elizabeth Shelby and the judge’s wife Marianne.

‘Did you know that I was Oswald’s wife when you made an advance towards me?’ you asked curiously as he walked with you across the dancehall.

‘Of course not. Otherwise, I would not have touched you’ Tommy said with a serious face and somewhat flustered, causing you to giggle.

‘What’s so fucking funny, eh?’ he asked.

‘Nothing. It’s nothing’ you said, still giggling.

‘I don’t see the humour in this Y/N. What you are doing is dangerous. Your husband is a dangerous man. But I am sure you know this’ Tommy said firmly as he stopped near the champaign fountain before handing you a glass of champaign.

‘What I am doing is it dangerous? If I recall correctly, it was you who kissed me first’ you said.

‘Yes, which I did before I knew who you were married to. You could have fucking told me, eh’ Tommy said.

‘Well, if it’s any consolation to you, I didn’t know you were my husband’s acquaintance in business. In fact, I didn’t really take you to be a fascist when I met you. What is it that you are doing for the orphanage anyway? Wiping clean your conscience after supporting racism and cheating on your wife?’ you asked sharply as you quickly drank the entire glass of champaign.

Tommy grinned at you. He was carrying a sheepish smile across his face.

‘I don’t have a conscience Love. I do bad things. That’s just who I am. But, by listening to you, I take it that you do not support your husband’s cause Mrs Mosley?’ Tommy said as if he was asking a question.

‘Well, Mr Shelby, despite of you what you are telling me here, I don’t think that you do either’ you said firmly, but Tommy ignored your comment entirely as you finally approached the group of women he was intending to introduce you to.

‘I would prefer if our little indiscretion at the library could stay between us eh’ Tommy whispered.

‘Agreed’ you sighed quietly just before Tommy introduced you to his wife Lizzie.

You talked to Lizzie for a quite some time and you could tell that Lizzie and Tommy had problems of their own. Their marriage was a marriage for show just like yours and Oswald’s marriage. Lizzie hated to be at this event just as much as you did and you soon became to learn of her past from your husband, who felt it necessary to tell you. He also saw the need to tell you that, many years ago, he slept with Lizzie when she was still a prostitute and you became to wonder about Tommy’s motives involving himself in the fascist movement. How could he work with your husband after your husband acted the way he did, rubbing his past relations with Lizzie into Tommy’s face every chance he got.

But, perhaps Tommy didn’t care. After all, it was evident to you that Tommy had married Lizzie simply because he had to. Their child was born just after they were married and in a position like his, you could not have children with someone who you weren’t married to. It was the norm and common practice.

In some way, you were thankful that you weren’t able to conceive even following many attempts by your husband to get you pregnant. At least this way, you were hopeful that, once your husband’s party gained power, he would decide to leave you for another woman. Divorce was less frowned upon if you didn’t have children. After all, who could deny an important man like him to have children of his own if his wife was infertile.

With these thoughts running through your head, the remainder of the evening went somewhat uneventful and you and your husband left at around midnight.

After you went to bed, he arranged for a prostitute to come by the house. This wasn’t unusual and it didn’t bother you. In fact, you switched off to the sounds he made when sleeping with another woman in your house. Sometimes you felt as though he was doing it in order to hurt you since you weren’t a very attentive wife. But you didn’t care. In fact, that night, your thoughts were lying entirely with a different man. His acquaintance, Thomas Shelby, by whom you were intrigued by despite his association with the party.

Little did you know that, soon, you would meet him again in a familiar location.

The Library

It was a week after your last encounter with Tommy at the charity ball that you decided to continue your work at the orphanage library.

You’ve been stacking books on shelves all day until, at 4 o’clock in the afternoon, you saw a familiar face.

‘Mr Shelby, what a surprise’ you said as you finished packing up the last of the books and noticed Tommy walking towards you through the library hall.

‘Good Evening Mrs Mosely’ he said as he approached you.

‘Good Evening….What are you doing here?’ you asked politely.

‘I had a meeting in the area and thought I would stop by to see how the library is coming along’ Tommy said, keeping his distance from you this time around.

‘Oh, I see, your conscience is playing tricks on you Mr Shelby, eh?’ you said sheepishly, causing Tommy to laugh.

‘Perhaps…’ Tommy said before taking a pause. ‘This is for you Y/N. I thought you might like it’ Tommy said as he handed you a book entitled ‘Changing the way we think – A contemporary view on the Revolution’.

‘Well, thank you Mr Shelby. But please enlighten me as to why are you are gifting this to me? I am sure you know that this book favours communism’ you asked.

‘It became obvious to me that this would take your interest and I suppose that I have a conscience after all. In fact, I felt as though I needed to apologise to you for my actions during our last encounter here at the library’ Tommy said.

‘I am delighted to hear that you are taking some responsibility for what happened between us Tommy’ you laughed. ‘And, I accept your apology’ you added with slight giggle before asking him whether it was ok for you to call him by his first name when your husband wasn’t around. You hated formalities.

Tommy agreed and told you that he had to leave shortly. According to him, he had business matters to attend to.

‘Can you stay for one drink at least? I have Whiskey’ you said.

‘Sure. I suppose why not’ Tommy said as he sat down on a chair near the desk in between the stack of books that haven’t been sorted yet.

You pulled out a small bottle of Irish Whiskey and two glasses from behind one of the shelves.

‘My husband doesn’t allow me to drink anything but champaign at public events. However, unbeknownst to him, I would, occasionally, indulge on a glass of his very expensive whiskey after work with your sister Ada’ you said sheepishly as you poured you both a glass.

‘Well, don’t worry, your secrets are safe with me’ Tommy smirked as he took one of the glasses from your hands.

‘Now, Y/N, I am intrigued. Did you actually choose to marry Oswald Mosley?’ Tommy asked.

‘No, I didn’t. But he chose to marry me. My father is the chief of police in London which should explain to you why I was his chosen wife’ you explained. ‘Although, no doubt, you are also aware that he would, on occasion, choose other women to keep him company as well’ you said shyly.

‘I’ve heard your stepmother is one of those other women he chooses to interact with privately on occasion. Is that true?’ Tommy asked sheepishly.

‘You know it is’ you laughed.

‘And it does not bother you?’ Tommy asked.

‘That my husband fucks my stepmother, my sister and every second whore in London? No, it does not bother me. At least this way he keeps his hands of me’ you said with a laugh.

‘I consider your husband’s taste when it comes to women rather questionable’ Tommy chuckled.

‘And why is that?’ you asked.

‘Because he’s got you. What does he want these other women for, eh?’ Tommy said.

‘Because he likes variety. Despite, I cannot give him a child. He said I am not worth his attention or effort’ you said after taking a deep breath.

‘The bruises, on your arms and neck, was this him then?’ Tommy asked, causing you to nod, small tears beginning to run down your face.

‘Yes, we argued and when I do not agree with him then this is what happens’ you said rather upset.

‘I am sorry’ Tommy said as he handed you his handkerchief so that you could wipe away your tears.

‘Are you? Because you seem to be reinforcing his ideals and you aren’t exactly faithful towards your wife either’ you said.

‘Perhaps you have gotten the wrong idea about me Y/N. And, for what it’s worth, me and my wife have an arrangement in place which permits me to be with other women. I would never hurt her. Also, no doubt you are already aware as to why I married her, eh?’ Tommy asked.

‘So, you don’t love your wife?’ you asked.

‘No, I don’t love my wife. But I trust and respect her and I promised her that I will agree with her request for a divorce after the elections. Perhaps your husband would be prepared to do the same’ Tommy said.

‘I think you know my husband better than that Mr Shelby’ you chuckled. ‘He will never let me go unless I am buried in the ground’ you said.

‘You might be surprised Y/N. I know that he’s taken an interest in another woman who supports his ideals’ Tommy said.

‘Well, perhaps there is hope for me then Tommy…’ you said before taking a deep breath.

‘You know, I often overhear Oswald talking, over the phone. He recently made allies in Germany and he is getting involved with the right-wing party over there which seems to be gaining popularity. I am not sure whether you are aware of this Tommy’ you said.

‘Why are you telling me this Y/N?’ Tommy asked, his face serious.

‘Because I can help you’ you said.

‘Help me with what, eh?’ Tommy asked.

‘With information. I have researched you after our encounter at the ball and, in the course of my research, I met a woman named Jesse Eden who was present in Birmingham during the assassination attempt on my husband. The man they believed to be the shooter was in France with you and, unlike my husband, I do not believe in coincidences’ you said.  

‘What you are alleging is absurd and you need to be careful when dealing with Jesse Eden. You should not involve yourself with the communists behind your husband’s back’ Tommy said.

‘Thomas, my husband beats me and treats me like a common whore. I have nothing to lose’ you said.

Tommy took a deep breath following your comment. He was speechless over the lack of fear in your eyes.

For some reason, he trusted you and you reminded him a lot of his late wife Grace when he first met her. You were young and determined to do the right thing and, looking at you, took Tommy back in time when he allowed himself to become vulnerable and let his feelings control him.

It wasn’t something that Tommy wanted to admit to himself, but he cared for you in the most obscure way. After France, this was a rare occurrence but, in this moment, Tommy’s feelings of guilt and desire for you took over his reasonable thinking mind.

‘Can you get a copy of the call records from the phone at your house from the directory?’ Tommy asked, causing you to nod.

‘Alright, then perhaps we can help each other, eh? Meet me tomorrow at 7 o’clock at the steel factory on Watery Lane’ Tommy said.

‘If my husband is home, I cannot leave at that hour’ you responded.

‘I will make sure that he won’t be home until the early hours of the morning’ Tommy said.

You agreed with Tommy’s request and, over the next few days, you were carefully collection the records he had requested.

The Factory

At 6 o’clock, your husband left the house to meet with a woman. You were certain that Tommy had arranged this, but you didn’t mind.

You quickly put on your coat and got into your Bentley which was parked behind the house.

The drive took you thirty minutes and you arrived at Watery Lane slightly early.

The factory door was open and you walked inside, making sure that no one saw you.

‘Did anyone follow you?’ Tommy asked after he greeted you, causing you to shake your head.

You followed Tommy through the building. Not a single person was inside. It was only you and Tommy and Tommy was quick to take you to his office on the upper floor.

His office was large with a brown cedar desk in the middle of it and a dark red leather lounge, a brown cedar table and two leather chairs on the side beneath a large window.

He had lidded the fire in his office and it was obvious to you that he had been working from his office for quite some time before you got there.

You sat down on the lounge and took off your coat, placing it over one of the arm chairs.

‘You are hurt’ Tommy said as he observed another large bruise on your arm.

‘It’s fine Tommy, I am used to it. Perhaps I am just weak’ you said as some tears were running down your cheeks as you opened your bag and pulled out a piece of paper.

You handed the paper to Tommy. It contained the phone records from the last three days.

‘I will make this right Y/N. I promise’ Tommy said as he sat down next you.

Tommy handed you a glass of whiskey and took the piece of paper from you before wiping your tears away with his thumbs.

‘Jesse Eden was right’ you chuckled as you took a sip of the whiskey he had given you.

‘About what?’ Tommy asked.

‘That, deep down inside, you are a man with morals’ you said as you gently touched his cheek, catching him by surprise.

‘And you are stronger than you think Y/N’ Tommy said before giving you a gentle smile which was somewhat unusual coming from Tommy.

In that moment, you remembered your kiss and the short period of intimacy between you several weeks earlier, an accident of some sort and an escape from reality for you.

Where would things have gone if he didn’t ask your name and if you never knew his? Would you have broken your vows again by now, the vows that meant nothing to you?

‘You know Tommy, I just want to feel something for once in my life. Feel desired, loved and wanted. Perhaps I am just being selfish fighting this fight against my husband but I want more from life than just being married to a man like him’ you said.

‘Y/N, this has nothing to do with being selfish. You are doing the right thing. It’s for the greater good of many people. You will be free of him one day and, when you are, you will get to experience everything that you deserve. Desire, love, everything you want. I promise’ Tommy said as he cupped your face gently.

‘Tommy, the truth is that I don’t want to wait any longer to feel all these things. I know that I might not actually get out of this alive if my husband finds out that I betray him and I don’t want to miss out’ you said.

‘So, what are you suggesting?’ Tommy asked.

‘Make me feel desired Thomas, please’ you said with need in your eyes. ‘I know you want to be with me. I’ve seen it in your eyes and I felt it that day at the library’ you said.

Tommy knew that this was a very bad idea, but he wanted you as much as you wanted him. He wanted you since the day he met you at the orphanage. You intrigued him just the way Grace intrigued him when she first started to work at the Garrison.

After taking a deep breath and unable to hold back his desire any longer, he leaned in and kissed you gently but passionately.

His soft lips pressed against yours while his hands caressed your face gently. It was unlike any other kiss you had ever experienced.

‘Is this what you want?’ Tommy asked as he broke the kiss for a moment.

‘This and so much more Tommy, please’ you said as you crashed your lips back onto his.

You had only ever been with one man before and this was your husband, who was brutal and hadn’t pleasured you, not even once. It was all about him when he forced himself on you and, luckily for you, the last time he made you sleep with him was almost a year ago.

With Tommy, you could feel desire. It was mutual desire for each other.

‘Alright…just another secret to add to our list of secrets, eh?’ Tommy smirked after he broke the kiss and placed a blanket and some pillows onto the floor in front of the fire place.

You looked at him curiously before he took your hand and guided you over towards the fire place before kissing you again gently.

‘I will give you what you want. But this needs to stay between us Y/N’ Tommy said as a soft smile ran over his lips.

‘That goes without saying Tommy’ you smiled while Tommy removed his suit jacket, gun holster and shoes.

You also slipped off your shoes but did not know what to do next, looking at Tommy full of questions.

But, within a split second, your questions were answered by Tommy’s actions. He caught your body to his, and you wrapped your arms around him, pressing your breasts into his chest.

Not knowing what to say, you reached up and pulled his mouth down to yours again. The touch of his warm lips brushing against yours caused a thrill of excitement to rush through you once more. His kiss was soft, gentle, and then became more urgent as you opened your mouth to accept his tongue. Your heart pounded so hard it hurt as you kissed him back fervently.

‘You are beautiful’ Tommy said as your lips drifted apart before kissing you again, deepening and lengthening it all the more, showing just how much he wanted you. This was the first time you were told this by a man and it felt amazing coming from him.

After your lips finally drifted apart, he simply smiled at you. The smile that crossed his face warmed your trembling limbs and hid your excited nervousness. You smiled in return, not trusting your voice. Of course, you wanted this every bit as much as he did. You wanted him more than anyone you had ever known, but now you felt somehow unstable when finally faced with having sex for the first time with a man you had actually chosen to be with.

The bravado you usually wore like a shield seemed to desert you, and even though you remained fully clothed, you felt naked under his heated gaze. You suddenly worried about your inexperience, your body and if he would still look at you in the same way once you were stripped of your clothes. God, this was a mistake. He couldn't want you the same way that you wanted him. You didn't know how you had managed to convince yourself that this could work.

Tommy saw the panic of insecurity rise in your eyes, and he reached out to gently push a stray strand of hair behind your ear and grazed your bottom lip with his thumb before bringing his mouth to yours again. It was a slow kiss, deepening as his desire built even further. He knew he needed to go slow with you, take you gently after all you’ve been through.

A hot rush travelled through your body as you responded to his kiss and felt him toying with the buttons on the back of your dress. One button at a time popped open under his fingers, and the cool air wrapped itself around your shoulders as he slid the bodice of the dress down to expose to his gaze the lace bra that you wore. You gasped as you felt him nuzzle into your neck and trace your collarbone with his lips.

Tommy groaned at the sight of you, trailing his fingers over the delicate white lace bra.

‘Are you wearing panties that match?’ Tommy asked with curiosity.

‘Yes, of course’ you moaned as he brushed his fingers across your lace-covered nipples. They surged under his caress and sent piercing streaks of arousal to your pussy.

His caress was like a hot spark through the fabric, and his touch excited you like you hadn't believed possible from your past experiences.

You didn't know how you would withstand his hands on the naked skin of your breast as you felt him reach behind you for the clasp. You felt the pressure of the material release, and without the slow unveiling you had expected, he pulled it away quickly and your breasts spilled out, ripe and firm, as the lace garment fell to the floor.

‘God, you're beautiful’ Tommy said again. But this time, his voice sounded more than husky, scratchy even, as if it was raw with the heat and lust he felt for you.

You felt a blush creep up your neck in response to his comment. The urge to cover your chest with your arms was strong, but you resisted.

Instead you decided to take the words he had uttered and bolster your flagging self-confidence to ask for what you wanted now.

‘Touch me please, Tommy’ you groaned. You'd hoped your voice would sound strong and self-assured. Unfortunately, you couldn't pull it off, and it shook with pure anxiety.

‘You couldn't stop me now if you tried’ Tommy groaned, cupping your breast and leaning down to swipe his tongue across one hard nipple.

‘Oh god Tommy’ you whimpered, as he teased the hard, little bud with his lips and rolled the other stiff nipple between two fingers. Your legs felt like they might collapse under you.

‘Maybe you better lie down eh’ Tommy grinned as he guided you onto the blanket and pillows on the floor.

Tommy was quick to remove his shirt but left on his black suit pants for now before leaning down over you and kissing you once more.

His lips soon trailed down your neck and returned to your small naked breasts.

There was intense look on his face as he took one of your thus-far neglected breast into his warm mouth. He licked and sucked, alternating between the two stiff peaks, until you trembled and gasped on the edge of something you'd never experienced before. You felt feverish with excitement. Your mouth was dry, but your body was more alive than it had ever been before. Without him having touched your pussy, it was wet, yet felt as if it was on fire and throbbing with need.

Shivers of anticipation shot up your spine, and you sucked your breath in raggedly as he dragged his insistent tongue down, letting it trail over your belly and to your navel. He pushed down on the bottom half of your dress, and you lifted your hips off the bed to help him remove it. Tommy took his time exploring your body, trailing his fingers and mouth over your belly and thighs, before running them teasingly over the lace of your panties, making your moan loudly.

‘Take off your panties. I want to see all of you’ Tommy said. His voice was thick with longing.

The panties were moist, evidence of your excitement, and you were certain that he could smell your arousal as you hooked your thumbs inside the waistband of the lacy white panties and wriggled out of them. You felt exposed, vulnerable, but also incredibly excited by the expression on his face, as he watched you offer your body to him. His expression showed eagerness, pleasure, even greed, you thought. There was no sign of the trepidation you had expected to see there.

Without taking his gaze from you he stood up and opened his belt and the zipper of his pants and finally shoved them down his legs with his underwear. He kicked them off and stood before you.

You couldn't stop the gasp that escaped your lips. Tommy's body was well-toned, with a broad chest and slightly tapering waist. Short hairs nestled between his nipples and ran in a thin wisp upwards towards the top of his chest which was covered with some army tattoos.

But it was his cock that held your attention. It stood, swollen and erect, thrusting out from his dark pubic hair. Your breath caught in your throat. It appeared impossibly thick and long, with distended veins running along the shaft. Your pussy throbbed at the sight of it, but your stomach churned in repressed fear. None of the intimate male parts you had seen before had ever looked quite so imposing. Could you take it? Would it fit? Oh God, you would have to stop him... Would he let your stop him now?

As he joined you again on the blanket in front of the fire place, his hands moved slowly and tenderly over your body, pushing the anxiety from your mind as they wandered over your contours and cupped your pussy gently. You groaned softly as his fingers caressed the lips, wet with your arousal, and then slid between their moistness into the entrance of your pussy. Tommy buried his face against your neck, kissing it gently.

You moved your pelvis in time with his probing fingers. They were curious and insistent and were creating marvellous sensations in your pussy.

You groaned and spread your legs wider, allowing him easier access.

‘Oh God, Tommy, that feels so…’ Your voice faded as he took immediate advantage of your pleasure, dipping his finger deeper inside your wetness. Your hips jerked suddenly at the familiar but yet pleasurable sensation of being penetrated by is thick fingers.

Tommy felt the heavy beating of your heart. Its rhythm matched his own, but the throbbing in his cock was wilder than he could remember. It took every ounce of his willpower to restrain himself and not plough into your immediately. The sight of you, naked beneath him, drove him crazy.

Unable to restrain his need to taste you properly, he kissed down your body again so that he could let his tongue slide through your glistening labia and taste your delicious essence as his lips sought out your fleshy clit.

‘Oh, Tommy! Oh, shit!’ you moaned, squirming under his mouth.

No one had ever kissed you there, in your most intimate area.

Your nails dug into his scalp to hold him there. You didn't want him to ever stop. His tongue was creating sensations in your that you had never experienced before. Masturbation had always been good for you. You knew how to use your fingers expertly to bring yourself to climax, but this was different. It was warmer, wetter and more teasing, with an intense build up that made you want to thrash around and cry out in pleasure and frustration. You rocked your pelvis against his mouth, your inhibitions fading into the background of the sensations he gave you. You moved with him, demanding more as he licked and explored you.

A squeal of pure pleasure tore from your lips as your spasms started deep inside. You trembled and gasped at the sensations that raced through your body to your pussy and exploded in a wave of pleasure that radiated back throughout your body again. As the waves of sensation crossed each other, you swore you would pass out. You held on to the here and now, enjoying the wild ride, and when you opened your eyes at last, you found him smiling at your, the edges of his mouth glistening with your juices.

‘Holy fuck, Tommy’ you said as he moved back up towards you which is when you boldly reached out to caress the rigid cock pressed into your side, eager at the thought of giving him the same pleasure he had just given you.

It was hot and hard in your hands, and a small trickle of precum dribbled from the tip. Moving to a better position, you bent your head and tentatively stroked the velvety shaft against the side of your soft cheek, before dragging the tip of your tongue over the crown. Very gently, you drew it into your mouth and sucked slowly, lovingly, savouring his meaty thickness. You were surprised by your own enjoyment of this. You hated doing this to your husband when you were required to, but with Tommy, it was different.

‘Fuck, I'm hanging on by a thread here, Y/N, and I won't be able to hold out if you do that much longer’ he grunted after about ten minutes of you pleasuring him and as he watched your latch your soft lips onto his throbbing hardness. You moaned, overcome with the sensation of having him in your mouth and the taste of his excitement.

‘Then don't. I came, so come for me, Tommy. I want you’ you said after lifting your lips from his cock and looking up at him through hooded lids that only served to stoke the fire of his desire to even higher levels.

‘No’ he groaned and pulled you from his cock, pushing your back onto the blanket.

‘The first time I come tonight will not be in your mouth’ he grimaced.

A rush of adrenaline shot through you as he moved between your thighs. You felt the heat coming off him as he nudged himself against the moist outer lips of your pussy.

You spread your legs, and he rubbed the head of his cock over your slickness.

He hesitated for a second as he struggled to get himself under control then, leaning forward and supporting himself with his arms, he pressed ahead, pushing himself into your wetness.

His attention was focused on the warm, wet feeling of your lips surrounding his cock. They opened slowly to him, and he slowly pushed himself into the velvety depths of you.

‘Oh, Tommy’ you moaned. Your voice was tremulous and shaky as he filled you and stretched you beyond what you had known.

Hearing your tremulous moan, he thrust forward sharply and groaned as he slid all the way up inside you.

You winced and bit the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from crying out.

Your breathing was fast and shallow as your pussy opened and stretched to take all of him.

Despite the soreness and feeling of being overfull, it was a wondrous moment for you, finally knowing what it felt like to be with a man who you desired.

It wasn’t long until you became accustomed to the amazing fullness, yet he struggled to accustom to you.

 ‘Fuck, you're tight’ Tommy gasped at the snugness of you, barely holding onto his self-control. Now that he was in deeper, surrounded by your wetness, he was careful not to move, to let you get used to the feel of him inside you.

It almost killed him not to plunge repeatedly into you. His cock felt harder than it ever had and your cries of pleasure, knowing no one had ever made you feel like this, made him feel more virile, more potent than he ever had.

‘I'm okay Tommy. You don't have to hold back’ you said as you breathed into his neck, clinging on to him tightly.

You wrapped your legs around his hips and raked your nails down his back as he sunk deeper into you. The eyes looking down at you were tinged with concern and fire, but you wanted his desire, his passion, to feel beautiful in his arms. You wanted him to make love to you, but you also wanted him to fuck you.

Tommy moved his hips slowly, sliding his cock back and forth inside you, letting you get used to the rhythm.

You moved with him, intuitively pushing your pelvis upwards as he slid into you. Each time he buried himself in your pussy, your clit was trapped against the upper side of his shaft. You moaned loudly at the exquisite sensations and ground your pussy up against him even harder, pumping back faster, until the sounds of your bodies slapping against each other and the squelching sound of your passionate fucking sent a wave of need and pure lust through him.

‘Oh yes Tommy’ you gasped, licking his neck and biting at his shoulders.

‘Don't hold back. Please, I need you to fuck me’ you gasped again, unbelieving that you had said the words that chased around your brain out loud.

your words caused the blood to rush through his veins and pound in his head. He stared into your desire-filled gaze but, when his eyes locked with yours, a deeper connection hit him with more force than he had ever known with any woman since Grace.

���Fuck Y/N’ Tommy moaned. Your name tore from his lips as he plundered your body. His tongue drove into your mouth, sweeping inside, tasting, commanding, and taking what he needed. He could no longer restrain himself and he let himself go, fucking you the way he'd wanted to ever since you had appeared in his life. With a growl of pure lust, he pumped his hips, plunging into you over and over. He couldn't get deep enough.

‘Oh god Tommy, don’t stop’ you moaned as he drove into you. Your body arched and undulated under his fevered lovemaking. The muscles of your pussy clenched and spasmed around his cock as a great bubble of pleasure rose up from your toes, engulfed you and burst into shards of explosive release that had you shuddering and sobbing.

‘Fuck’ Tommy moaned at the sight of your pleasure. Your face and torso were flushed, your breath raspy, as you writhed beneath him and clawed at him while your body peaked again.

You cried out his name once more, and he lost it. A roar exploded from him as his body crested and he toppled over the edge. His cock throbbed and pulsed, spilling his anguish and a steady stream of cum into you.

After he came down from his high, he collapsed on you gasping, trying to regain his breath.

After he gently pulled out of you, you could feel some of his warm cum leak from your most intimate part as he rolled to the side, lying next to you.

He held you close as your head was resting on his chest.

‘I am sorry for the unpleasantness of the location and the hard wooden floor’ Tommy chuckled.

‘There is no need to be sorry Tommy. You’ve just given me more pleasure than anyone before’ you said, causing Tommy to smile.

‘I promise that, next time, we will fuck on a bed, eh…a comfortable bed’ Tommy smirked.

‘So, this wasn’t a one off then?’ you asked.

‘It doesn’t have to be, if we are careful’ Tommy said, thinking that, how much worse could it possibly get. You are already conspiring against your husband together so, when you meet to exchange information, you might as well sleep with each other.

But little did Tommy and you know that your husband may soon find out about your indiscretions when nature takes its course.

[missymurphy1985]

The Groupie (part one)

Authors Note - this story is set in 2006 when Cillian starred onstage in the show Love Song.

Cillian has just turned 30, and has no children. Reader is a fan, has been since day one and is a plus size girl. I myself am a UK size 16, so I hope I don't offend anyone with my story (I'm writing about my own insecurities a little here so be kind please).

Also I apologise to any Neve Campbell fans - I'm sure she's bloody lovely but I needed a bitchy co star... Sorry!

Warning - smut (eventually)

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @ntmynouis @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @noctvrnalmoth @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x @namelesslosers @misscarolineshelby @screemqueen @cilleveryone @peaky-cillian @misselsbells06

Waiting patiently in line, the man in front of you happily signed autographs and chatted with the girl in front of you. Posing for a photograph, he thanked her and turned to you.

"Had a feeling you'd be here y/n!" Cillian grinned, welcoming you into a warm embrace. You'd been a fan of his ever since that first stage show back in 1996. You and your mum had gone to watch Disco Pigs for your 15th birthday present, and you'd immediately been bowled over by the young man playing Pig. Since that first show, you'd been following his career and always made sure you were in the front row any time he returned to his theatrical roots. No different now - he'd just come off stage after the final show and was meeting his fans outside like he always did.

"I never miss a show Cillian, you know that! You were amazing as always." You held out your photo for him and he signed it, laughing.

"How many of my autographs do you have now, gotta be 100 or more?"

"Ah Cill, one more is never enough." He suddenly leaned in for another hug, which surprised you, and whispered in your ear.

"Meet me at the hotel bar in an hour?"

You didn't respond, you were in too much shock at what he'd said, when he winked at you and headed over to the waiting car, waving and smiling at his fans as he left.

You didn't need to ask which hotel - he always stayed in the same one in Dublin... But why would he want to meet you there?

************************************************************

You walked into the hotel lobby feeling extremely nervous. The security guard stopped you instantly, asking to see your hotel room key. You stumbled, before an arm draped across your shoulder.

"She's with me Mark, it's all good, yeah?" Cillian guided you through the door to the bar, asking what you wanted to drink.

"Erm... I'll have a small white wine.. please.." you looked around and saw the other cast members milling around and chatting to each other, paying no mind to either of you. Cillian pointed to a table in the corner while he headed to the bar.

Coming back, he placed a large glass in front of you and sat with his Guinness across the table. You raised an eyebrow at the large wine glass.

"What? We're Irish, we don't do 'small' y/n..." He smirked, taking a sip of his pint.

"Well, thank you. This is very kind Cillian, but I don't understand why I'm here..."

"You've followed me for 10 years. Always supported me. I wanted to do something to thank you for it all." You blushed, looking down at your hands, curled into each other.

"Cill, amazing show as always!! Blew me away," his co star, Neve Campbell squeezed his shoulder, kissed his cheek and gave you a quick once over, sneering.

"Thanks Neve. This is y/n - she's been a good friend since day one." Did he just call you a friend?

"Hi." She didn't smile, just looked you up and down and smirked a little. You instantly felt self conscious. You'd always been a larger girl - you'd recently lost some weight, but you were by no means a skinny girl. Neve would've fit twice into your size 16 jeans.

Cillian noticed your discomfort, and reached under the table for your hand, glaring at Neve.

"I think you're wanted over there." He pointed out the director of the show, and Neve turned to leave. Not before casting a backwards glance and chuckle at you.

Tears filled your eyes - you'd always thought she was nice but she'd just destroyed that image.

"Hey, hey no tears. She's a first class bitch and she doesn't deserve them," he squeezed your hand and took another sip of his Guinness, pushing your wine over to you.

"Sorry... Fuck sake I bet you think I'm a right eejit.. I better go..." You took a large gulp of wine and pulled your bag over your shoulder, standing up.

"Let me walk you home?"

"What?"

"Let me walk you home at least, it's nearly 11pm. I can't have you walking through Dublin alone at this time of night y/n.."

"It won't be a long walk Cill, I'm staying upstairs! Room 249!"

"You're staying in the same hotel as me?"

"Don't get weird, it was the only hotel with rooms spare - it is Bank Holiday weekend..."

"Then I'll walk you to your room at least?" You nodded, and he offered you his hand. Smiling nervously, you took it and he led you over to the lift.

You heard Neve and her friend snicker behind you and Cillian turned around, telling you to stay where you were as he walked over to her. You saw him pull her to one side and although you couldn't hear him, his words clearly had an effect on her as her face dropped and she looked to the floor embarrassed. He glared at her, before coming back over to you and leading you out the doors.

"Cillian I don't want to cause problems..."

"Show's over Y/N, I never have to work with the stuck up bitch again. Don't worry about it." You bit your lip to stop yourself from crying as you walked into the lift with him. He pushed the button for floor 2 and looked at you, his smile fading.

"Hey come here, don't get upset?" He wrapped an arm around you and you couldn't stop the tears. Sobbing softly into his leather jacket as he stroked your back.

"I'm so sorry... It's just... god look at me Cillian..."

"I do look at you. And you know what I see? I see a smart, funny, kind, caring, beautiful woman. Someone who any man would be fucking proud to have on their arm." He cupped your face in his hands and dried your cheeks with his thumbs. You looked up into his eyes and you were sure the world stopped for a minute. He smiled, your faces edging closer together slowly, before the lift pinged and the door opened. You pulled away quickly, pulling your key out of your bag.

"Thanks for walking me back... Sorry for embarrassing you..." You headed out of the lift and didn't look back. Opening your room door, you quickly went inside and closed it.

"Fuck sake y/n what are you thinking???" You scolded yourself, forehead leaning against the door as you caught your breath and steadied yourself.

You opened the mini fridge and quickly sank the small bottle of vodka in it, the warm liquid calming you instantly. You were about to get ready for bed when you heard the door knock suddenly. You opened it to find Mark - the security guard from earlier, holding an envelope. Handing it to you, expressionlessly, he walked away. You closed the door and opened the envelope.

Y/n,

If you're looking to finish what we nearly started in the lift, I'm in room 532.

Cx

Your breath caught in your throat - was this even happening? You steadied yourself again, taking a deep breath.

"What the hell do I do??"

[peakyoak]

This Dark Disposition: Chapter 22 - Worcester

Chapter 22 - Worcester

Later That Day

Polly, Ada, and Danielle sat around the kitchen table. Danielle’s usual calm and calculated demeanor was shaken by the fact that all of the Shelby men had left for the races two hours ago. No words were exchanged by the women. They sat in silence and waited. 

This was the part that she hated. She hated it during the war, and she hated it now. Sitting, silently, waiting for soldiers to return with new injuries and traumas that were both physical and emotional. It wasn’t the physical injuries that typically worried Danielle: blown off limb - she could handle that, bullet wounds - just another Tuesday, burns, bumps, and bruises - run of the mill. But the emotional ones, those were the ones that got Danielle. That was what made her feel stuck and ill equipped as both a nurse and a human being. It's a lot easier to stitch up a man from the outside in, than it is to stitch ‘em up from the inside out. 

“Fuck I can’t do this. I feel like I’m waiting in the bloody trenches,” Danielle stood from her chair pushing her chair back. Both hands went to her head, “This is how it is, isn’t it?” Danielle wasn’t sure if she was talking to herself or asking Polly.

“He knows what he’s doing Danielle, he’ll come back to you.” Polly said, she pulled out a cigarette and lit it, “Here, take this, go for a walk outside, it will calm your nerves.”

Danielle grabbed the cigarette, “Thank you, Pol” she turned to Ada, “I’m sorry I swore around your kid.”

“It’s alright Danielle, lord knows he’ll hear worse, being around you Shelby’s.”

“You all are too kind to me, you know.”

“Look around you Danielle, look at what you’ve done for us. You patched up Arthur when the inspector beat him, you helped Ada through her pregnancy and birth, you sniffed out that blonde snitch when it seemed Tommy wouldn’t, and most of all,” Polly crossed her legs under the table, “You gave Tommy refuge. Refuge from the storm in his mind.”

“Did you think we’d end up here, Pol,” Danielle asked, “that night I walked Arthur home.”

“Instinct is a funny thing,” Polly said as she got out a cigarette for herself, “I knew the boys would take a liking to you, but which one I wasn’t sure.”

Danielle didn’t know what to say, so she just nodded at Polly and walked out the door onto the street. She stepped out into the cool fall air and took a drag from the smoke Polly had given her. She closed her eyes and took a step back until she felt her back hit the bricks of the house. A minute later she opened her eyes and exhaled the smoke from her lungs. 

She turned to start walking down the street away from the Garrison and towards her flat when she heard a man say to her from the alleyway, “Something making you nervous, Miss Virtue.” She’d recognise that Irish twang anywhere. 

She stopped and looked up to the sky. The sun was setting now, the boys should be back soon, “Mr. Campbell, I imagine you’ll be leaving town now that you got what you wanted.”

“Ay, the operative I placed proved very useful.”

She still did not turn to look at him, and instead remained looking at the end of the street. He remained in the alleyway and she on the sidewalk, “Useful enough to get your guns back, not so useful as to thwart Tommy’s plan.”

“She helped me achieve my objective and as such my time in this blasted, filthy city, has come to a close,” the old man pulled out his pipe and lit it, “perhaps my next stop will be Manchester.”

Now he had Danielle’s attention, what the fuck would he want with Manchester. She put out her cigarette and threw it on the street, “You see Miss Virtue, when you came to Birmingham you and Tommy both made mistakes. Your mistake was getting involved with a man like Thomas Shelby, but, Tommy’s mistake?” 

Danielle turned to look at him, she discreetly slid her right hand into the pocket of her jacket, “His mistake was leaving you alone in Birmingham.” He took a step out of the alleyway into the light, “I’ll be sure to tell you mother what her whore daughter was doing in Birmingham, and how a gangster got her killed.” She saw him raise his arm and as he did so she saw a revolver in his hand. Instinctually she raised her hand out of her pocket and then- BAM!

The man fell to the ground and dropped his gun. Danielle walked over to it and kicked it into the middle of the street. Then she walked over to his head and lowered herself down to his level, “Take it in Mr. Campbell, remember how this feels,” She leaned in close so he could hear her lowered voice, “If I ever hear that you’re in Manchester I’ll shoot you again.” She turned her head so she could look him in the eyes, “And next time, I won’t be aiming for your knee.”

Danielle stood up, brushed off her dress, put her gun back into her pocket, and walked back towards the Shelby house.

An Hour Later - Tommy

Their cars sped around the corner and parked out front of the Garrison. The Boys funneled out of their cars and into the pub. Tommy kept one hand on his chest and the other around Arthur who helped support him as they walked into the bar, “He got you good Tom,” Arthur said, as he sat Tommy down on a chair in the Garrison. 

“John, lock the doors!” Tommy yelled, “And someone go to the house and stall, do not let Miss Virtue see this,” he removed his hand from his left side and looked at the blood on it, “Jeremiah.”

Jeremiah Jesus sat opposite of Tommy with a pair of tweezers. Arthur grabbed a bottle of rum from behind the bar, “Hold him still,” Jeremiah said before he began to dig for the bullet in Tommy’s ribs.

The Shelby House - Danielle

John came through the front door of the Shelby house at about eight in the evening, “John,” Polly said as she stood from the table, “How did it go,”

“Where is he?” Danielle asked, “Did it work?”

“It worked,” John said, “We took all the licenses and Tom killed Kimber, shot him in between the eyes,” his gaze fell to the floor.

Noticing this, Danielle walked over to him and stood in front of him, “Is there something you need to tell me, John?” Her thoughts were racing. What the fuck happened? 

“Look,” John said, taking a step back, “I told him I’d stall.” 

Danielle pushed past him and out onto the street. She ran down the sidewalk towards the Garrison as fast as she could. All she cared about now was Thomas. She burst into the Garrison, 

“What the fuck is going on in here?” she yelled as Arthur got up to meet her at the door.

“I thought I told someone to lock that door,” Tommy yelled. Relief. All Danielle felt was relief when she heard him yell. 

“Tommy!” Danielle exclaimed as she ran to be with him, “What happened?”

“Kimber, it turns out, did not take kindly to having his men jumped and his licenses’ stolen.” Tommy said as Jeremiah was bandaging him up.

“They fought each other one and one, like men,” Arthur quipped. 

“Did you get the bullet out?” Danielle asked.

“Ay, I still have the knack, Miss Virtue,” Jeremiah said proudly.

Danielle relaxed a little and she grabbed a chair and sat opposite of Tommy, “I could’ve helped you with that you know,” she said as she motioned towards the bullet.

Tommy laid back in his chair. It was hard to believe that he had just been shot. Surely he was in a tremendous amount of pain, but his face didn’t show it. His usual silent and blank expression made it hard for others to read him, but not Danny. She understood him, “I know,” he said, “I didn’t want you to see it.”

“You bastard,” she said, leaning forward to cup both sides of his face in her hands. She leaned her forehead against his.

“If you think this is bad, you should see Kimber,” he chuckled and Danielle laughed. 

Polly and Ada walked through the doors of the Garrison moments earlier, and upon hearing what Tommy said, Polly added, “If you think what happened to Kimber is bad, you should see the inspector.”

Tommy stood from his chair and looked at Polly, then at Danielle, “What did you say?”

“I shot him,” Danielle added, “but to be fair he tried to shoot me first.”

For a second Tommy held his mouth open. He was speechless, “You tried to kill a copper?”

“No, I shot him in the leg,” Danielle said as she walked behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of Irish Whiskey, “If I tried to kill him, he’d be dead.”

Tommy grabbed his shirt and put it back on, “Come on,” he put his arm around Danielle, smiled, then turned to speak to the whole room, “The day is ours, lets celebrate.”

Hours later, once the bar had emptied out and all that remained was Danielle and the Shelby’s, Tommy grabbed a bottle of champagne from behind the bar. He held it up in the air, “Shelby Company Limited, is now the third largest legal racetrack operation in the country.” Tommy clinked the bottle against his several drunken brothers’ glasses, “Only the Sabinis and the Solomans are bigger than us, boys.”

He looked at Danielle and then walked towards her and put his arm around her, “and all my family is here to celebrate.” Tommy then removed his arm and popped the cork of the bottle, “To Shelby Brothers Limited.”

“Shelby” Arthur yelled as he and John raised their glasses. Neither one of them was barely upright.

“Cheers,” Tommy walked back over to Danielle and poured champagne into her glass. Then he poured a glass for Polly. They clinked glasses and sipped their drinks and for one night, for the first time in over a year, Tommy was satisfied.

[fandomlit]

duos (jacksepticeye x reader)

requested by anon “could you do another jacksepiceye x reader with amount us? I really liked the last one! maybe y/n and Lizzie or y/n and Felix are an impostor duo? or something like that”

summary though you’ve never played the game before, your friends (jacksepticeye, pewdiepie, ldshadowlady, kickthepj, dylan locke, corpse husband, and cinnamontoastken) insist on you joining them. and, as usual, drama ensues.

gif cred belongs to @iamhereyoudidthis​

“n/n! you’re here on time!”

“shut up!” you laughed, your friends laughing with you at ken’s comment. “lizzie, baby, it’s so good to see you.”

“oh, i had to come,” lizzie explained with a sigh. “have you played this game before, my love?”

“no!” you exclaimed. “but im excited to learn!”

felix cackled to himself, “this is gonna be good..”

after muting your mic, your screen flashed with a blue crewmate logo. you smiled, adjusting your headset. “that’s the good one, right? yeah. alright.”

sean had been meandering around, searching for innocent victims, when he found you in electrical. “well, hello, pretty lady,” he smiled to himself. “oh, she probably has no idea what she’s doing..” he chuckled to himself as you stepped away from the wiring. you danced your character in a circle, and he followed.

felix, his fellow imposter, came in, and sean immediately stopped his dance and turned to him. felix immediately ran right back out. you, probably none the wiser, lead sean with you to security to continue your wires.

pj’s body was reported soon after you finished the wires.

“alright, it was in upper engine,” corpse explained. “i know lizzie was in medbay when i left it, so where was everyone else?”

“i was in reactor doing the simon says,” felix explained.

“alright, ken?”

“he’s dead, too,” lizzie said, making you and sean giggle. “what’s so funny about that, sean? where were you?”

“oh, it’s not him,” you defended. “he was helping me through tasks. we were in the room with the tv thing.”

“security?”

“yeah!” you affirmed. your friends giggled at your cluelessness.

“alright then..”

for the rest of that round, you would defend sean in every single meeting, and whenever felix attempted to approach your duo, sean would shoo him away. eventually, felix killed lizzie, effectively ending the round.

you gasped as the imposters were revealed. “sean?!” you yelled over your friends’ shouting. “oh my goodness, you were going to kill me!!”

“no!” sean immediately protested as everyone burst into laughter. “no, y/n, i would never! i was trying to help!”

“he wasn’t going to kill you,” felix added with a snicker. “he was puppy guarding you the whole time, i couldn’t even get close.”

“you were going to kill me,” you whispered into your mic as you loaded back into the lobby. you crossed the small area, opposite of where sean spawned in.

“y/n, no,” he sighed, going after your character. you immediately ran from him, but he followed. your chase continued until the game finally started.

you sighed as a bright red imposter declaration flashed across your screen. “oh, goodness. what do i do..?”

...

“lizzie’s an imposter!” ken exclaimed after reporting felix’s body. “she murdered pewds in nav and vented but i caught her!” lizzie immediately stuttered, but ken cut in, “you almost got away with it!”

“ken, i-”

“nope!” he cut, making you all laugh. “you murdered pewds!” the votes lined up immediately.

lizzie was an imposter

“told y’all,” ken grumbled as he sighed.

after muting yourself, you dropped your head in your hands. “shoot.”

...

“okay, so- holy shit, they’re all dead!!” ken yelled. you and sean laughed as you looked at the dead. it was only you three alive now. “alright, it’s sean!”

“what?!” the irish man exclaimed. “why me?!”

“n/n didn’t even know how to change her color earlier, she’s definitely not capable of this!”

“why’d you even call a meeting?!”

“because i saw a dead body on cams!”

“why didn’t you saw that from the start?!”

you sat back with tight lips as they fought, wide eyes staring into your camera as you contained your laughter. they both voted for each other.

“n/n, you’re the decider.”

“remember how i protected you!” sean reminded.

your jaw immediately dropped. “you were waiting to kill me! protect me, my ass!” you voted him out as ken burst into hysterics.

stinky was not an imposter

you squealed, jumping up as the screen displayed your win.

“nicely done, n/n!” lizzie laughed. 

“what the fuck?!” dylan exclaimed. “how did you do that?”

“jesus, woman!” felix scoffed.

“don’t underestimate the newbie, boys,” you grinned, sitting back down into your chair and readjusting your headset. “especially you, sean. now you’ve paid.”

“paid?!” he exclaimed as your friends laughed. “i was protecting you!”

“do i look like i need protected?” you retorted. the irishman went silent. “yeah. that’s what i thought.”

as the next round started and you were still basking in your win, sean muttered into his mic, “god, im gonna marry her.”

your heart stopped. 

“you’re unmuted..”

“oh-”

your friends laughed as you placed a hand on your heart. “gee, at least take me on a date first.” you muted yourself before you could be questioned. you and sean, both crewmates, spent the entire round together.