#Fallen and Risen AU

[icefir-windbreaker]

Welcome to How To Make Friends In Other Universes! Step One: Get into a fight and be shocked to see a fallen angelic version of yourself. (With a original version of yourself watching this) Original (I did say I wanted to digitalize this!)

@muzzleroars's Fallen Gabriel is trying to give the Archangel-to-Fallen-Archangel talk with my Gabe but he is taking it much harder than he realizes. And Canon Ultrakill Gabriel is shocked to see this crap go down.

Again. I hope it goes well!

[cherubchoirs]

taking a tour of heaven before finally heading home

[the-one-who-lambs]

when you watch the past god of death try to kill the current one so he can get his powers back but he's a little too gay to actually commit and he's too fucking stupid to realize it

[bonefall]

It would be funny if people channeled aither Appledusk or Frecklewish for protection against Mapleshade SPECIFICALLY. They protect cats that are haunted by her for no other reason then petty spite.

I lean towards Frecklewish on a more general level because she is spiteful in the dark forest

With Apple I got the idea that it is a sort of unspoken dark secret in river clan since that's where his bloodline is. It just exists as an old ghost story that is told "If you are ever haunted by a ghostly Calico Cat, go to the old apple tree and say a damned man's name three times." And everyone just thinks it as a weird folk story.

Anyways, main point is that ghost curse horror movie Mapleshade is a really good idea

Frecklewish would RELISH the chance the beat the snot out of Mapleshade. Mostly the thing that would stand in the way is that Frecklewish shares no relation to the Applekin and even has a bit of a grudge of her own, but she is totally the sort of person who would put that aside for the chance to beat Maple's face in.

Appledusk could probably be channeled easily, just find a crabapple tree and strip its bark at sunset, but BB!Apple is kind of a pushover. He has a lot of regrets about his life, and hopes for atonement so that he may one day join StarClan. He may have mixed feelings on granting requests.

I'd say that he's good for undoing Maple's curses, but not going to town with her.

Frecklewish is DEFINITELY hard to get ahold of for some reason. You probably need something that adders produce... but if you call for her, she's there immediately.

Not to mention, though, the StarClan cats who are open for invocation. Maybe I should give Stormpaw's Demon a bit of a theme of "information loss" between generations as a result of neglect... Duskwater taught Rainflower how to cope with her curse, but Rainflower did not pass on the information to her own children, and they have to "re-discover" the wisdom that she should have given them.

Will make for a pretty awesome moment when one of them is able to get the attention of Petalstar.

[arkos404]

i dont think yall understand how much i love the other souls, your honor

[clownqueenofprom]

Royal Christening (A Hero is Born, #1)

I found this Risen Shadow/Fallen Sun au by @lavender-descendentheart wherein Lady Bone Demon finds Sun Wukong under the mountain and frees him, so Tripitaka is forced to settle for Macaque when about to go on the journey, that just REACHED my heart, so I had to write out like… like a first chapter for it.

Whatever this is. MK will be referred to as Xiaotian because what else do you want from me? You want me to call him SK for “Shadow Kid”? I’m not calling him SK. I’m not a vsco girl. And Xiaojiao Long for Mei because I just like that better than “Mei Dragon” to be completely honest. This note is because authors be writing these fanfics, using the Chinese names and then expecting people to just… KNOW who everyone is.

Qi Xiaotian was just a delivery boy. Nothing more, nothing less.

He was an orphan, with no memory of his life before meeting the noodle shop’s owner, who’d taken him in- of course, not without grumbling about how he’d have to pull his weight around the shop in exchange.

Xiaotian didn’t have any complaints. It was sometimes a hassle, but it was fun sometimes and it was certainly heaps better than being on the streets without a thing to his name. He was happy to do anything asked of him.

But a delivery to an unfinished construction site- that was halfway underground? He had to draw the line somewhere, right?

“An order’s an order, kid,” His boss, and as far as he was concerned, surrogate father “Pigsy” (that wasn’t his real name, but that didn’t make it any less fitting.) had told him gruffly, pointing his spoon matter-of-factly.

“I can’t have a costumer giving me a bad review! That’s exactly what the competition wants.”

“Oh, don’t be so dramatic, Pigsy,” Tang had said, leaning on the pig demon’s shoulder without a care, spinning around a chopstick with his free hand. “It’s raining cats and dogs! You can’t make Xiaotian go out in all that! Your noodles are the best in town!”

A cartoonish vein popped up on Pigsy’s forehead as he shoved Tang off of his shoulder. “Yeah, I bet!” He’d barked. “That’s why you’re always around here freeloading, ain’t it!?”

The moment another one of their typical childish arguments began, it became apparent to Xiaotian that he wasn’t getting out of this strange request- for noodles… underground.

Unfortunately, his little delivery boy cart wasn’t exactly accommodated to rides underground, especially considering the seemingly constant poor weather in Megapolis.

No matter the season, it was either foggy, raining, or snowing, which made it especially hard for a delivery boy such as Xiaotian. Scientists yet to have come up with an official theory for why the whether was so bizarre despite the location and season, but there’s been talk of a constructing a weather station to control it.

Matter of fact, he thought as he finally came across his destination, ready to climb down underneath the unfinished building and deliver his boss’ noodles, that was the very building he would be trespassing beneath this afternoon.

“Hoo boy,” he said aloud, a little bead of sweat rolling down his face at the sight of the undone building in front of him.

The heavy rain helped nothing, and since none of the workers were out, perhaps because of the violent storm, it looked throughly abandoned, thoroughly unstable, and thoroughly creepy.

He cracked a nervous smile, hesitantly walking forward and ducking underneath a wooden scaffolding, crawling into a hole that looked like it was about to become a basement.

He checked the directions on his phone (all of which had been manufactured waterproof, as the constant rain called for a lot of accommodations.) and hummed unsurely before taking a left, poking his head through a recently dug out hole.

As for what he saw- well, he wasn’t really sure what he expected in the first place.

It was just a cave, with pipelines for the unfinished building above lining the ceiling- but inside that cave was an entire squadron of mechanic-seeming… bull demons, all of which looked exactly the same, as if they’d been mass produced.

A tiny squeak of surprise escaped him, but none of the bull… robots seemed to notice.

Their appearance reminded him of one of the many stories Tang had told him while he cleaned up the shop- the story about the Demon Bull King.

It was no more than historical fiction, of course, but it described an epic battle, a raw display of aggression between two demons, the Monkey King and the Demon Bull King.

Monkey King emerged victorious, sealing the Bull King underneath a mountain with his staff before he vanished, never to be seen again until finally being defeated by the famed Six-Eared Macaque. (The details of that second battle were unknown to him until Tang got another bowl of free noodles.)

He shook away his thoughts, scrambling to find his phone. He hoped with all his heart that he’d found the wrong underground hideout beneath an unfinished business.

Of course, that was not the case.

At a genuine loss for what to do next, Xiaotian just sat there for a moment, awkwardly wedged in between an unfinished bathroom and a freaking underground lair.

”It feels like I’ve waited an eternity for this moment,” Over everything else, the sound of a feminine voice stood out to him. “Is everything in order?”

“Just making the final adjustments, mother.”

Xiaotian flinched, turning his eyes in the direction of the female voice, which was then followed by a male’s.

The woman was tall and dark haired, with an impractical but impressive horned headset and a traditional dress you wouldn’t see on anyone in the modern day.

The boy was much younger, her son, he inferred, and had red hair tied into a high ponytail and small glasses, along with a random scar on his upper cheek.

He didn’t recognize either of them, but one of them had ordered noodles, and Megapolis was a big city after all. Most of Pigsy’s shoppers were regulars. First time for everything, he guesses.

He used his teeth to hold the bag, laying both hands flat against the stone to force himself out of the hole. With an alarming lack of grace, he fell, rolling into the dirt.

He quickly recovered, however, pushing himself off the ground. “Hey!” He yelled, dusting the dirt off of his red hoodie.

“Huh?” The boy’s expression contorted into disgust at the sight of Xiaotian. “What are you supposed to be?” He demanded, as if Xiaotian were some creature that just crawled out from underneath the bed.

“Oh! Uh, I’m Xiaotian.” He smiled sheepishly, holding up the bag of noodles. “Here from Pigsy’s Noodles? Order for two classic bowls, right?”

“Not right, you oaf!” The redhead seethed, slapping the noodles to the ground. “Nobody here ordered your peasant food.”

In the corner of his eye, Xiaotian noticed one of the Bull robots start to seemingly sweat nervously, but the redhead didn’t see it. Instead, he pointed an accusatory finger at Xiaotian.

“Do you know who we are?” He hissed. “I am Red Son, the one and only son of the Demon Bull King, and I-”

“Enough of this,” The mother hissed, tired of her son’s rambling. “We’ve no time for games. Be on your way, peasant boy.”

She narrowed her eyes at Xiaotian, who broke into a sweat as he spared her a nervous chuckle.

She turned away, training her eyes on a little hill filled with dead grass, and a similarly wilted tree. In he middle of tiny hill was a staff. “We must focus all our energy on lifting the staff.”

Xiaotian furrowed his brow. Lifting a staff didn’t seem like it would be that hard.

A Bull robot, the same one that he suspected ordered those noodles, quickly scrambled up the top of the hill, pulling on the staff.

Instead of running like he probably should have, Xiaotian watched intently as the Bull robot heaved and heaved, pulling on the staff, but in the end, his arms gave flying off instead.

The Bull’s body landed at… Red Son(?)’s feet. “You fool!” The redhead said smugly. “You think we didn’t try that already? It’s going to take more than a few robots to lift the Monkey King’s staff. Only those deemed worthy can wield-”

Xiaotian cut him off, shoving his palm into the redhead’s cheek to move him aside. “Monkey King’s staff? That is a really realistic model, but that staff isn’t real, you know.” He said lightheartedly, ignoring Red Son’s cries of umbrage as he walked up to the hill, smiling until he reached the staff.

“You just have to twist and pull. Righty tighty, lefty loosey!” He said, quoting the old rhyme.

As he wrapped his hand around the hilt of the staff, a shudder went down his spine- not a chill, but rather a sweltering heat.

“You idiot,” Red Son said, rubbing his cheek. “Get down from there immediately, peasant! Someone must teach you your pla-”

The arrogant boy was immediately silenced when Xiaotian tugged on the staff, pulling it out of it’s spot situated in the ground. As far as he knew, it wasn’t even in there that tight.

The mother gasped as the staff can free, and Xiaotian held it in his hand, above his head in a mock victorious pose. Whispers aligned into an odd term as he held it, brushing against his ears.

“Sun Wukong,”; they told him.

“He did it…!” The mother gasped aloud, but the son wasn’t very amused.

“Then why is nothing happening!?” He demanded, before looking at his mother flatly.

“Mother, are you sure this is the right mountain?”

“No,” The mother said in annoyance, holding her palm to her forehead. “Maybe it was that other mountain with the magical staff, sealing away my husband!”

Xiaotian glanced down at the staff in his hands. There was no way that thing was the Monkey King’s staff, right?

His thoughts were proved wrong in a flash of erupting green light from the ground beneath him, tossing him across the room, clutching onto the staff for dear life.

Out of the ashes of what used to be ground, a giant bull- who could only be the Demon Bull King- the real Demon Bull King, even with a broken horn and a body and face that was riddled with scars from his head to his toe, the demon exuded power that Xiaotian had never seen before.

“Flesh,” he utters, “Bone…” He stared down at his clawed hands, clenching them, simply to test out movement. “I have returned to the realm of the living!”

“Demon Bull King!” The woman said, a wicked grin on her face. “How I’ve missed you.”

“Princess Iron Fan,” The King greeted in return. crossing his arms with what can only be described as ‘something kind of like a smile’. “The years have been kind. How did you free me?”

In response to the King’s question, Xiaotian’s body was quickly kicked away by Red Son, explaining what had happened in quick recession that was barely understandable.

“I-It doesn’t matter though, Father!” The boy sputtered. “If we have the noodle boy, we have the staff, and we have them both right here!”

The Bull King glared at Xiaotian, who backed up in fear and alarm, clutching onto the staff for dear life as Red Son continued.

“Together, we, the Demon Bull Family, will plunge the world into eternal darkness!”

Oh jeez, The supposed Demon Bull Family, along with their little gofers, the robots, turned to give Xiaotian a glaring look, their eyes gleaming in the darkness. Xiaotian stared at the staff in his hands, sweat rolling off his forehead.

This was all his fault, wasn’t it?

Next? 👀

[m1lkt00th]

very messy idea but it’s been in my thoughts for a while. dream and nightmare with swapped pallets and additional limbs (wings/tentacles)

i about doing the whole “they also have their respective ideologies swapped” but.. nah. (pretty sure shattered and dreamswap already does that lol)

okay i only remembered this because “fallen angel & ascended demon” which immediately made me think of the apple twins

i cant think of anything else off the top of my head and im leaving in less than two minutes so

[maggie44paint]

I ABSOLUTELY ADORE @muzzleroars 's Rise and Fall AU, for some reason Fallen Gabriel gives me huge Beast vibes from Disney's Beauty and the Beast so I just had to draw a little screenshot redraw with him and Risen V1 haha!

They were so fun to draw and I adore their designs sm!

Reference below!

[horangare]

Heyy!!! Just saw that your requests are open... Can I please request a fic?

Something like slow burn (nsfw) arranged marriage with Dino...

(You don't have to do it if you're not comfortable ♡)

Btw, love your fics a lot!! 💖❤️💕✨💞

for the good of the kingdom (and the good of my heart)

pairing : prince!dino x princess!reader

content : angst, fluff, smut (more towards the end, mdni), modern-ish royalty au (sorry but i cannot keep up with that old formal talk), slowburn

in which : where there is a winner, there is always a loser. your country losing the great war was the worst thing that could’ve happened, at least that’s what you thought before you learned you were going to have to marry the prince of the one nation that still kept its alliance with yours.

warnings : dino is totally in love but y/n is totally stubborn, y/n has some personal issues, itzy is mentioned to work for your family, arguments and misunderstandings, fingering, oral (m receiving), handjobs, unprotected sex (be safe), doggy style, creampies, praise, dirty talk, declarations of love during sex, a poor description of a wedding (probably, idk)

wc : 12.3K words

note : aaah omg my first request i’m so excited 😆 also i’m so happy you enjoy my fics, that means so much to me 🥹🩷 (also, i’m sorry this took me a lil minute, this is my time writing slowburn 😭😭)

“I am not marrying him!”

Ever since you were little, the Kingdom of Sokoto has always been the best. The most prosperous, the most powerful, the most influential, all of it. At the mere mention of the name “Sokoto,” people trembled. Hell, just being in the presence of someone from your family or even your court would have the most refined commoner on edge. Needless to say, you were important, and you knew it.

If only it wasn’t for that damned war.

To be fair, the Kingdom of Sokoto hadn’t risen to the top by being kind and loving. Many of the past rulers had been cold and self-serving, but never to the extent that the current ruling family, your family, had been. That was exactly what caused problems back then, and it was exactly what caused problems now.

This had all started in the Kingdom of Hisia, when your father broke a decade long alliance with their people. In his words, Hisia was an “acceptable loss,” because as a kingdom they were too soft-hearted to do anything about it. The only problem about Hisia’s people (other than being too soft-hearted) is that they were notorious gossips. When the common folk got word of this news, they told anyone and everyone who would listen. And soon, almost every kingdom in the nation knew what had happened. From Ilorus to Umbris to Kano, everyone was scrambling to break their alliances with Sokoto. Well, almost everyone.

Of course, the problem didn’t stop with your allies just leaving. No no, leaving wasn’t enough. Sokoto had reigned far too powerful for far too long. Too many things had gone overlooked. Too many injustices unpunished. Apparently, they all had their own personal grievances against the kingdom that had just been waiting to be brought to light. So how exactly did they decide to let you know that? Declaring a war, obviously.

And of course your parents were too stubborn to back down. Sokoto had never lost, never ran away from any sort of threat, never surrendered. After all, there was never a problem this kingdom couldn’t handle, with or without support from the other kingdoms. There wasn’t any need for them anyway. Your army was the most feared and well trained in all the land.

Your army alone, however, hadn’t been enough. Not in the first year of the war. Not in the second. Not in the third. When your father realized that he couldn’t continue on like this, sending the few remaining poor young men of your country to fight a losing battle, watching the rest of his people suffer, he knew had to do the one thing nobody in your family had ever done: he had to surrender.

And now that it had ended, things couldn’t be worse. Sokoto had drastically fallen in status, going from the most revered kingdom to the most despised. Oh, and the gossip never stopped, not even after things had been settled. You heard what they said about your family, every rumor, every exaggeration. You couldn’t stand them.

The only thing that remained the same after the war was your family’s relationship with the Kingdom of Kasmira. The only ones who hadn’t abandoned or betrayed you, even after the initial shock with the Hisians, even after the other kingdoms had broken their alliances, and even after the war. Nobody knew why the Kasmiran royal family still bothered to keep connections with you, but you think you were getting a few ideas.

“[Y/n], I know this is sudden,” Your father said, his arms crossed over his chest. “But given the state of the kingdom, your mother and I have both agreed that a marriage between you and Prince Dino is a good thing for the kingdom.”

“What about what I’ve agreed on, Father?” You argued. “Really…as if losing that war wasn’t enough of an embarrassment.”

Your mother stood up and took a step towards you, pointing a finger in your face. “We do not speak of the war, young lady.” When you backed away, she sighed, and placed her hands on both your shoulders. “Don’t worry. You will have plenty of time to get to know him. Prince Dino is a nice boy. I’m sure the two of you will do good things for both of the Kingdoms.”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes, but for now you chose to bite your tongue. There was a lot you could say, a lot you wanted to say, but it wouldn’t do you any good to argue with your parents when the decision had already been made for you.

So you were getting married. Lucky you.

The day you got the news of your sudden engagement, you went back to your room and didn’t come out for the rest of the day. Really, who did your parents think they were, making such decisions on your behalf? And then saying that you’ll “grow to like it,” was just the icing on the cake. Who were they to speak for you? Who were they to decide who you would marry? God, you hated this family.

Come sunrise the next day, you lied in bed silently and stared at the ceiling. When you were bored of the ceiling, you stared at the wall. And when you were birds if the wall, you stared at the window. No, not out of the window, at the window. There was nothing to look at, anyway.

“Good morning, [Y/n],” The voice of your lady in waiting, Ryujin, drew your attention to the one place in your room you hadn’t looked at yet; the door. “Wow, you look awful.”

You smiled a little and shook your head. Ryujin had always spoken in a way that was a little bit…less than formal than she should have, but it was only really ever around you. Not that you cared. Ryujin and you had a close bond, and she felt more like family to you than the actual people you were related to, so you could find yourself putting up with the way she talked.

“You wouldn’t believe what my parents are making me do this time, Ryujin.” You started, letting out a heavy sigh. “You know Prince Dino? From Kasmira?”

Ryujin stepped closer, tilting her head to the side. “I know of him. Why?”

“They’re making the two of us get married.”

Ryujin gasped, her mouth hanging open. “Really? And they didn’t even tell you until now?”

“No! Can you believe it!” You huffed. “Honestly, why do I even bother with them? They seriously make me sick.”

Ryujin frowned, reaching under the blanket to grab your hand and pull you into an upright sitting position. Suddenly, her face lit up, as if she was remembering something. “Hey, you know what? Someone is actually here to see you, they’re waiting in the garden now.”

Now it was your turn to frown. “Who? Tell them that I’m busy.”

“Busy staring at the ceiling and the wall?”

“And the window.”

Ryujin shook her head, grabbing onto you again but this time to pull you out of bed, much to your displeasure. “Do you really want to stay in bed all day, [Y/n]?”

“I don’t see why I can’t.” You crossed your arms over your chest. At this, Ryujin scoffed. You were definitely your family’s daughter, even as much as you wished you weren’t.

“Oh come now, Your Highness, you could use some sun and fresh air. If you don’t get any now, you might wither away and die.”

“Is that an option?”

With a short laugh, Ryujin dragged you to your wardrobe, picking out what to put you in for today. “Oh [Y/n], you’re unbelievable.”

“I’m serious though.”

Once Ryujin had made you “look presentable” (her words) she led you to the gardens, arm in arm, where she had said this mysterious someone was waiting for you.

“Ryujin, are you sure there was actually someone here and you weren’t just drunk? Again?” You asked, looking around the gardens for any sign of life other than you and your friend.

“Of course I wasn’t drunk! I’m sure he was here…” She mumbled, looking around with you. “Oh! There he is!” She pointed to the left, and you turned your head in the direction she was pointing in.

Standing in a more secluded part of the garden was a tall blonde man with a slightly lost look on his foot. He looked to be your age and was clothed in robes of soft yellow, the royal Kasmiran colors. Wait a minute…this man wasn’t a stranger, this was—

“Oh my god, Prince Dino…” You mumbled. Ryujin lowered her finger, alternating her gaze between you and him in disbelief.

“What? He’s the prince? [Y/n], I swear I didn’t know…he didn’t tell me.” Ryujin stammered, letting you drag her away towards the entrance and back to the castle. “Where are we going? He came here for you and he’s expecting you to be here.”

“Then he’ll be disappointed to know that I won’t be able to see him today. Or any other day.” You told her. The nerve of him, to show up here and telling your lady in waiting that he wanted to see you without even letting himself be known.

“Princess?” He called out from where he was standing, and you gripped Ryujin’s arm tighter. He just had to notice you, didn’t he?

If only Ryujin didn’t know how to deal with your stubbornness so well. You would’ve much preferred rotting in your room as you stared at the ceiling. Or maybe the window.

You turned around with a sigh, shamefully making your way closer to Dino while Ryujin trailed behind, having let go of your arm when you bruised it with that grip of yours. “Hello, Your Highness.” You greeted him formally, which seemed to confuse him.

“Your highness?” He asked with a laugh. “Princess, please. There’s no need to act like that. Not since we’re supposed to be getting married, after all.”

Oh please.

“I’m sorry, your highness. But considering the fact that we are meant to be married, I think this is exactly how we should be speaking to each other.”

“[Y/n], maybe Prince Dino has a point. And anyway you don’t really talk like that all the time—” Ryujin tried to reason with you, but you elbowed her in the side before she could continue. Clearing your throat, you looked back at the prince.

“So, what exactly are you doing here?” You asked him. Despite your formality, Dino seemed amused at your question. He took a few steps closer before stopping, realizing that you were backing away from him.

“Sorry.” He smiled. “My parents told me it would be a good idea to come here and get to know you since…well y’know.” He laughed, hoping you would too, but when he saw you looking more serious than ever, he stopped and looked away.

“So you’re only here because your parents told you to come?”

No response.

“Wow,” You scoffed in reply. You leaned closer to Ryujin, bringing your mouth to her ear. “I can’t believe my parents are this desperate.”

Forcing a smile, Ryujin leaned in closer to you. “Come on, he’s really trying here. Give him a chance. He’s basically your husband, after all.”

“He is not my husband!” You hissed, which caused Ryujin to stifle her laughter behind her hand.

“Yeah yeah, maybe not for now~” She teased, turning to bow for Dino before excusing herself back to the castle. And leaving you here. With him.

“The two of you seem close,” He said.

“Oh my, how on earth did you figure that out?” Dino’s lips formed a faint pout at your sarcasm.

“[Y/n], I’m sorry. I know that this is all very sudden, and I can tell you don’t like me very much,” He sighed. “But I just want to at least get along with you. I’ll really do anything.”

Smiling, you leaned in a bit closer to him. “Really? Anything?” When he nodded, you beckoned him closer with your finger. “Get lost, pretty boy.” Like Ryujin had done just moments ago, you bowed to him before turning away as you quickly retreated to the castle, but Dino followed you anyway with a grin on his face.

“You think I’m pretty?”

You turned your head to glare at him.

“It wasn’t a compliment.”

For the rest of the week, Dino continued to come over every day and seek you out, while you continued to avoid him at every turn. It would have been easier if he wasn’t so insistent, going as far as to ask Ryujin or other castle workers for your whereabouts. Dammit, why couldn’t he just let you avoid him? It’s not like the two of you were actually meant to be together. This was all just a convenient little ploy by your parents to repair their royal status. It wasn’t real, and you wished he would stop treating it like it was.

You really couldn’t believe the lengths he went to with some of these attempts to get closer to you either. The bouquets of white roses in the most intricate porcelain vases? The hand-written letters—front and back? The jewelry carved from only the finest of gemstones? All very sweet sentiments, yes, but to say you were uninterested would be an understatement.

On Friday, much to your embarrassment, Ryujin found you hiding from him underneath one of the tables in the kitchen. When she realized it was you, she shook her head and sighed.

“[Y/n], this is just sad.”

You shushed her, trying to squeeze yourself farther into the corner underneath the table. “Be quiet. He could be listening.”

“You have got to stop running from that boy. I mean really, what’s the big deal. He’s actually really nice.”

“The big deal is that I don’t need him following me around like a stray dog.” You scoffed. “Seriously, why couldn’t we just be a normal family of shunned royalty?”

“You don’t mean that.” She said. “And besides, it’s only a matter of time before he finds you. He’s really not giving up either, [Y/n].”

Realizing she was right, you crawled out from under the table, muttering a few curses under your breath. “Believe me, I know. He won’t stop sending me gifts.” Ryujin smiled when you said that.

“Wow, isn’t he charming.” Ryujin chuckled. “And speaking of him, he told me to tell you to meet him in the gardens again today.”

“Why is he always telling you all this stuff and not me?”

Ryujin looked at you incredulously. “Because you avoid him like the damn plague.”

Oh, right. She did have a point. Whatever, it’s not like you were going to go. You had managed to avoid him all week, and absolutely nothing would convince you to go.

Ryujin seemed to sense this, and she smirked. “He made you a picnic.”

“I’m so happy you actually came,” Dino smiled at you. You sat across from him, holding the bowl of strawberries he had set out before him on the blanket. You looked up at him, pulling the strawberry you had been eating away from your mouth so you could respond to him.

“I just came because Ryujin told me about the picnic.” You curtly responded, bringing the strawberry back to your mouth. You thought he would’ve stopped smiling when you said that, but his smile only grew wider.

“So that’s all it takes then.” He mumbled. “Is that why you didn’t care for the gifts I sent before?”

You looked him up and down, sneering. “No, it was because I just didn’t care for them. It’s not wise to spend your money so carelessly on things that don’t matter.”

Dino leaned back, bracing himself up with his hands. “Trying to please my future wife doesn’t matter?”

You stiffened, gripping the bowl tighter in your hands. “Stop saying things like that.” You warned, yet he still seemed unphased as he watched you devour the rest of the strawberries. When the bowl had been emptied, you stared down into it with a frown and began to regret your greed for the little red fruit, because now you were all out.

Dino picked up the bowl once you had tossed it aside. “Should I ask someone to get you some more? I didn’t realize you would eat the entire bowl.”

“No.” You dismissively waved your hand, pushing away the thoughts of the strawberries, even though the offer of more was tempting. You hadn’t had strawberries since before the war. They didn’t grow in Sokoto, which is a fact that devastated you when you found out, and you always relied on a fresh monthly shipment of them from the Hisians and now…well…you’ve just gone a long time without strawberries. “No, It’s fine.”

Dino, however, was as insistent as ever. He picked up the bowl and started walking back to the castle. “I’ll ask Ryujin for more strawberries. Don’t disappear on me, okay?”

You spared him a single glance before looking elsewhere. “No promises.”

Dino laughed to himself, the words almost escaping his ears as he marched back to the castle with a little extra speed. He knew you wouldn’t leave—at least he hoped he knew. He wanted to trust himself, to trust you, but you were unpredictable. Thankfully, a little unpredictability was hardly an issue for him.

Though honestly, if you wanted to leave at any time, you definitely would. But with the promise of your favorite fruit, the urge to leave was just a bit short of overwhelming at the moment. Shifting yourself to lie on your stomach, you started to take notice of all the different things that Dino had packed with him on this picnic. All of your favorites…even the things you hadn’t gotten to taste in years. How could he know about any of this? You grumbled at the thought of Ryujin or any of the chefs selling you out.

You also took notice of the white rose sticking out of the basket. While they were the official flower of Kasmira, you were sure he must’ve had a secret stash of these somewhere because to be honest, you were getting tired of seeing them. But this one looked especially delicate, you couldn’t help but reach forward and take it in your hands, twirling it around and even holding it to your nose to take in the faint scent.

The sound of Dino’s footsteps on the gravel path had you looking over your shoulder, noticing he came back with an even bigger bowl of strawberries than he had left with. His classic smile returned to his face when he saw that your eyes had widened.

“I hope you don’t mind, but Ryujin insisted on giving you a bigger bowl. Said that you’d have no problem finishing the entire thing.” Him saying that had you coming back to your senses. Ryujin was just asking to be put out of a job going and telling those things to Dino.

You turned away, gazing down at the bowl when Dino set it in front of you. He sat himself down next to you, choosing to stay silent as he watched you set the rose to the side and pull the bowl closer to you.

“How did you know I liked all this stuff?” You asked quietly. Dino let out some sort of confused dound, and you sighed. “The food, I mean. Like…the strawberries. I haven’t had them in ages.”

Dino nodded, having understood what you meant. “When I told Ryujin I wanted to do this for you, she told me about all of the foods you always eat.” He laughed. “Really, I didn’t realize that you could be so choosy with your food. Do you know how hard it is to get fresh strawberries at this time if the year?”

“Oh fuck off.” Dino gasped, his mouth falling open at your sudden vulgarity. You were surprised too, covering your mouth with one of your hands once the words you had said sunk in. “I didn’t mean to say that.”

“I didn’t know the Princess of Sokoto had such a filthy mouth,” He mumbled. For a brief moment, you were actually wondering if he was serious, but the smirk that slowly appeared on his face gave him away. Unable to fight the urges telling you not to, you hit him in the arm, biting back grin when he winced. “I didn’t know you hit so hard, either.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Your Highness.” You stared at the strawberry in your hand, taking one bite before placing it back in the bowl. “I shouldn’t eat any more. The chefs will be preparing dinner soon.”

“Leaving so soon?” He asked, and you nodded. “Alright then, should I escort you back?” He extended one of his hands towards you, and you stared at it for a moment, but still ended up declining. You didn’t miss the glint of disappointment in his eyes, either.

“We should do this again sometime.” You noted. “And I’m not saying that because I want to be around you, but because I enjoyed the food.”

Ah, there it was again, that classic bright smile.

“Also, you smile too much. I don’t like it.”

You had been right about the strawberries. They did end up spoiling your appetite. You stared down at your plate, many of the contents on your plate going uneaten before you excused yourself to your room, Ryujin trailing behind as usual.

“[Y/n], what’s the matter? Was something wrong at dinner?” She asked, following you around as you threw yourself into bed. “Is it so bad you’re not even going to bother to change out of your outfit from today? Seriously, it’s going to get all wrinkled, and that’s just extra work for Yeji to do later.”

“I ate too many strawberries.” You stated. “Though I’m sure you know about that, right?”

Ryujin looked away, shrugging and shaking her head. “I’m not sure that I do, actually,” She mumbled, pairing it with an awkward laugh when she noticed you glaring at her. “Anyway, how was your little date with Prince Dino?”

“Ryujin, it was not a date. And even if it was, it would’ve been a pretty shitty date considering he left me in the middle of it.”

“Ah, c’mon, he came back! And he came bearing gifts!” She tried to reason with you, which you found both pointless and confusing.

You rolled your eyes, burying your head under the blankets, despite Ryujin’s protests that you would mess up your hair and get more wrinkles in your clothes. It wasn’t really a date, was it? Is that what dates were? Just being around another person, having them close by, talking (or not talking) to each other about whatever crossed your mind? That was a date? No way, you knew what a date was and whatever you and Dino had going on definitely wasn’t that. People went on dates when they loved each other, when there was romance budding and underlying tension. Yeah, that definitely wasn’t a date.

“Are you seriously not going to change out of that?” Ryujin asked, trying to pull down the blankets, but you were, unsurprisingly, stronger. With a sigh, she backed away. “Fine, but if Yeji asks me why your outfits are so wrinkled, I’m telling her.” You lowered the blanket just low enough to see her march out of the room and slam your door shut.

Normally, you would’ve fallen asleep after just a few minutes with your eyes closed. However, your stomach still felt funny and you tossed and turned every few minutes. We’re those strawberries really fresh? Would Dino serve you rotten strawberries? No, of course not…they were too red to be out of season. Not only that, but there was little chance Dino would do anything like that to you. He was too nice. The reason your parents ever think you two were some sort of match made and heaven was beyond you.

You couldn’t sleep yet. Not like this. Not with the ache in your stomach and the thoughts racing around in your head. Sighing, you gathered the little strength you had left to roll yourself out of bed, wandering through the halls and corridors until you needed up outside, at the front of the castle. A deep breath, followed by a slow exhale, and your head fell back towards the sky. The night sky was clear and vast and full of stars, and you felt your lips curl into a smile.

The stars understood you. When everyone else had abandoned you, abandoned your family, you sought comfort in the starry night sky. The stars never turned you away. The stars never betrayed you. The stars never forced you to do anything you couldn’t decide on. When you died, you hoped you became a star. They would surely accept you with open arms, like a real family.

You were so caught up in your thoughts, you hadn’t even noticed someone approaching you. A tall, blonde, someone.

“So you like the stars?” Dino asked, and you jumped a little. He took a step back, feeling bad for having startled you. “Sorry, [Y/n]. It’s just me.”

You furrowed your eyebrows and stared at him, but turned your attention quickly back to the sky. “What are you doing out here?”

“I could ask you that too.” He said, following your gaze and looking up. “It’s late for a princess to be alone outside at night.”

“My stomach hurts.” You told him. “From the strawberries. A walk always helps.”

“That was hours ago.” He said. “That’s weird. They were definitely fresh. Are you sure it was the strawberries?”

“What else could it have been?” You asked, your tone a bit harsher than you intended. You sighed, deciding to change the subject. “What about you? Why are you out here? I thought you went back home.”

“It’s not like I live far.” He had a point…kind of. Kasmira was your closest neighbor, only being about a few hundred miles to the east. You were seriously wondering how he managed to get here every day and still have so much time to spend entertaining the hope of getting to coax you out of your room to spend time with him. “Aww, are you worried about me?”

“Don’t go talking like that.” You told him. “Unless you want me to hit you again.”

Dino chuckled, breaking his eyes away from the sky to look at you. “You never answered my question from earlier.”

“Which one? I’m not keeping count.”

“Do you like the stars?”

You managed to look away from the stars to allow your eyes to meet Dino’s, even if only for a second. “Yeah. I always have.”

He stepped closer. “Why?”

“Because…” You hesitated. Why were you hesitating? “I just do.”

You froze, feeling something wet and warm sliding down your cheek. Dino gasped, coming even closer to see you clearly.

“You just ‘do?’ Is that really all there is to it?”

“Why do you keep asking me so many questions?” When you came out here, you had been hoping for a moment of peace and quiet. A chance to vent your frustrations to the sky, like you had done since you could talk. This was your one chance for a little bit of solitude, and you hadn’t wanted anyone intruding on it.

“I was thinking about what you said before,” He said. “When you told me there was a lot I didn’t know about you. You were right, I don’t know a lot about you.”

Okay, great. Now you were starting to feel bad about getting so upset. You sighed, lowering your head and looking at the ground. “I’ve always liked the stars. I just…find comfort in them.”

Dino wondered if you were going to say more, but you kept your lips pursed, and he figured there was more to it that you weren’t saying. That was fine, he wouldn’t push an answer out of you if you weren’t ready, he was just grateful you had confided in him. This was progress, even if it was only a small step forward.

The two of you continued to stand there in silence, looking everywhere but at each other. There was a strange feeling in the air, and it made you uncomfortable. Was this tension? Could Dino feel it too?

“Um, I should probably get back to bed.” You said, noticing Dino nod out of the corner of your eye. Like before, he extended his hand to you, and once again you declined. “Good night, Your Highness.”

“Good night, [Y/n].”

The next morning, you did something you hadn’t done in a long time.

You shocked Ryujin.

“What are you doing awake already?” She questioned. “Is it opposite day? Am I still dreaming?”

“Oh you’re so funny, Ryujin.” You said, sliding past her and out of the door.

“Where are you going? And how are you already dressed? You did my job for me…am I getting fired?”

You laughed. “Relax. I’m just going to the orchard.” Ryujin narrowed her eyes at how casual you seemed, not even trying to hide her skepticism.

“The orchard? For what? We have plenty of apples here. Too many, if I’m being honest. Where are you really going?”

“Ryujin, really, what reason do you have not to trust me?”

“I have several. An entire list, actually.” She said. “Seems like I’ll be making an addition to it today.

“Ryujin, I’m giving you a day off, don’t you get it?” You asked her. “Now I suggest you take it before I make you do your job.”

Her demeanor changed in an instant.

“You are most gracious, Your Highness.” She bowed to you and then ran off to who knows where, probably the maids quarters, no doubt. Whatever, that was her business. Just like your trip to the orchard with Prince Dino was yours.

Since the picnic, he had stopped with the other gifts—well, he still sent you the flowers—and had started planning on bringing you out, starting with Kasmira’s renowned apple orchard. Kasmiran apples were spoken about in every corner of every kingdom, known for their distinctive flavor and sweetness. You’d be lying if you said you never wanted to try one for yourself, and now you would finally get the chance.

He was waiting for you with a carriage, which he offered to help you into.

You raised one of your eyebrows. “What, you think I need your help to sit down?” When he pouted, you gave him a light shove. “I’m only kidding. But really, I’ve got it.”

“That was a joke?” He asked, climbing in and sitting across from you. “I’m shocked. I didn’t know you even had a sense of humor.”

“Excuse me?”

“Ah, no, I didn’t mean it like that. You’re just normally so…serious. If you hadn’t told me, I wouldn’t have known you were kidding.”

You tilted your head back, resting it on the solid interior of the carriage. “The only person I ever joke with is Ryujin.” You explained to him. “She gets me. It’s easy to laugh with her.”

“You laugh too?” He just couldn’t stop. “I’ll believe it when I hear it.” He teased.

You glared at him, opening your mouth to say something, but decided against it. Instead, you turned your head to look out of the window, watching the landscape as it came into view and faded out of sight with the movement with the carriage.

“Will we be there soon?” You asked, wanting nothing more than to get to Kasmira as fast as possible to get your hands on one (or five) of those apples you had heard so much about.

“Yeah…” Dino nodded, then stopped and shook his head. “No, it’ll be about fifty minutes.”

Great, fifty minutes until you got to taste the rumored honey and heaven apples. Fifty minutes left riding inside this tiny little compartment with too little space keeping you and Dino apart. Just great.

To your surprise, the ride had been faster than you expected. It might’ve had something to do to the nap you took on the way, but that was neither here nor there. Dino placed a hand on your shoulder, softly shaking you awake.

“Hm?” You hummed, the clutches of sleep still gripping your brain. You blinked yourself awake, gasping when you saw the field of trees from the carriage window. “We’re here!”

Dino opened the door, sliding out of the seat and holding the door open for you. You practically jumped out, an awestruck smile on your face as you stared up at the trees littered with the soft pink apples.

Dino smiled softly at your enthusiasm, watching as you stood up as tall as you could and plucked an apple off a branch, happily bringing it to your mouth to take a bite.

Oh god, the rumors did no justice to describe the taste of these apples. You had never tasted anything as fresh and crisp in your entire life. Giving Dino a quick glance, you continued to bite into the apple over and over again until he pulled it away from you, laughing.

“So, what do you think?”

You covered your mouth with one hand, trying to chew and swallow what was in your mouth, before nodding with a smile. “They’re amazing! I’ve never tasted anything so good in my life!” You took the apple back from Dino’s hands, taking the last few bites before you had finished it off.

“Then let’s get you a few more, hmm?” He said, pressing a hand against the small of your back while he reached up to grab a few more apples and drop them into the basket he had brought with him in his other hand. You froze, your skin burning at the feeling of his hands on your body.

“Um…Prince Dino?” You mumbled, catching his attention. You had never called him by anything other than “Your Highness” since the two of you first met, and he was definitely shocked to hear you say those words.

“Yes, [Y/n]?” He said, looking down at you but never moving his hand from your back.

“Your—your hand…” Dino looked down at his hand was, immediately pulling it away from where it had been, and in an instant you felt the warmth that had been there fade away.

“Oh, I’m so sorry [Y/n], I didn’t even realize.” He apologized. Without another word, he leaned down to pick up the basket and handed it to you. “Here you go, [Y/n]. Should I come with you to—”

“No!” You shouted, though you hadn’t meant to raise your voice. “No, no. There’s no need. I’ll go back on my own.”

Dino wanted to say something, but you had already turned your back to him, rushing back to the carriage and telling the driver to bring you back to Sokoto before he could. Glancing out of the window, you noticed him standing under the tree, watching you get farther and farther away, his arms limp at his sides.

You brought a hand to your chest, feeling your heart beat twice as fast than it should have been. This shouldn’t have been happening. This was exactly the reason you didn’t want him touching you, the reason you had refused to touch him, because you knew that if it happened, you wouldn’t be able to control how it would affect you. Even though it had been such a harmless, domestic, innocent touch, if it could get this much of a reaction out of you, maybe you should get stricter on the “no touching” rule.

This is not at all how you thought today would turn out.

The next day things had gone back to the way they had been in the beginning; with you holed up in your room, avoiding Dino. And it was like that for the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. Ryujin had tried to get you outside, or at the very least to the dinner table, but her persistence couldn’t stand a chance against your stubbornness. Once a week had passed since the apple incident, Ryujin couldn’t take it any more.

“Enough is enough [Y/n]. You haven’t left your room in a week. Dino won’t stop hounding me with questions about where you are every day, and I can’t take it anymore!” She huffed. “You need to get up and go see him so I don’t have to.”

“Ryujin, I can’t.” You said with a heavy sigh. “It’s just…complicated.”

“How complicated could things really be?”

More complicated than you would’ve liked. “I just can’t see him right now.”

“Well that’s too bad, because I told him you would.” Ryujin shrugged. “He’ll be here later, so we have to make you look…like you again, now.”

“Ryujin, I’m tired of you trying to play matchmaker. Are my parents paying you to do this to me?” You asked, your tone nothing short of accusatory.

“I’m doing this because you don’t need to be locked up in this room all day. Not only that, but I can tell how much you and Dino like spending time with each other.”

The rebuttal in your mind died in your throat at the last sentence Ryujin had said. The time you had spend with Dino recently hadn’t been all bad…but what did she know?

“Now get up. Unless you want Dino to come over and see you like…that.” She gestured to your overall disheveled appearance, a grimace on her face.

“Oh yeah, like you’re not a sight for sore eyes.” You hissed, then broke out into laughter along with Ryujin a second later. “Fine, whatever, I’m getting up.”

The next hour consisted of a long, soapy bubble bath, followed by Ryujin washing and doing your hair, and finally her picking out the finest outfit for you to wear just in time for Dino’s arrival in his favorite rendezvous point: the Sokoto castle gardens.

Fuck, you were so nervous.

Dino arrived with a single white rose in his hand and a smile, thrilled to be able to see you again. Ryujin bowed and wandered off, leaving with. Alone. Again.

“For you.” He said, handing the rose to you. You looked down at it before you gingerly took it from him and thanked him with a fleeting smile.

“Thank you.”

Awkward silence. The worst type of silence. This is exactly why you wanted to avoid him, to prevent all of these unnecessary feelings.

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable that day…at the orchard.” He said. “And my apology was so shitty, I—”

“Dino, stop. Don’t apologize. It’s…It’s okay. I shouldn’t have run off on you like that. It was rude of me.”

Dino stepped closer, noticing the way your body tensed up when he did. “[Y/n], what’s going on?”

“I…I don’t want you to touch me.” You whispered. The grip you had on the rose was starting to hurt your hand. Dino gave you a curious and worried look.

“Why?”

“…Because when you touched me at the orchard, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way before in my life.”

You expected many different reactions from Dino. You expected him to back away, to call you strange or disgusting. You expected him to go running back to Kasmira as fast has his feet would carry him, to start avoiding you like you had been avoiding him. You even expected him to ask to call off the marriage agreement and find someone better, or nicer, or prettier.

You never expected him to pull you close, cursing under his breath and pulling your face up to look at him.

“Really, baby?” He asked, his voice suddenly soft, a direct contract to the way his eyes darkened. “Is that why you’ve been so adamant on not letting me touch you?”

A tentative nod of your head had Dino chuckling. “Now it all makes sense. Don’t worry baby, I’ll make you feel a thousand times better…only if you want to, though.”

“Yes, please,” your words came out hushed and breathy and shaky, allowing Dino to guide you you backwards onto the grass and gently push you backwards while he hovered above you.

Dino slid his hands down your body, seemingly pleased at the way you shivered when his fingers traced over your underwear, pushing up the button of your dress to see how drenched they were.

“Oh, baby,” Dino sucked in a sharp breath, pulling them to the side and biting his lip once he had seen how wet you actually were. “Is this all because of me?”

You nodded, covering your mouth to keep any noise from escaping. “Couldn’t stop thinking about you.” You mumbled from behind your hand, making sure your voice was loud enough for him to hear you clearly.

He ran two of his fingers up and down your slit before pushing one of them inside of you, pressing the pad of his thumb against your clit, all the while you squirmed beneath him, working hard to trap the moans that threatened to spill out of your lips.

“Baby, don’t be so nervous,” he said, adding a second finger inside of you and curling them just enough so that you finally let your hands fall away from your mouth and let your moans out. “That’s it, keep moaning like that for me. Fuck, you sound so pretty.”

“Dino…f-fuck. Don’t stop…” You ground your hips up into his hand, your mind growing foggy with pleasure as Dino increased the speed of his fingers. You were embarrassed at how easily his fingers slid in and out of you from how wet you continued to get.

Dino lowered his head, bringing his lips to your neck, kissing and sucking at any exposed skin he could find. He thrived at the way your moans grew louder and more urgent, switching the position of his fingers, opting for a scissoring motion and pressing his lips together to keep in a moan of his own. “Your thighs are starting to shake, love. Gonna cum for me?”

You nodded weakly, arching your back when you felt Dino add a third finger inside of you. Your skin felt hot and sticky and sweaty all over, and the only thing you could say when you felt your orgasm hit you like an earthquake was “Dino, Dino, Dino,” over and over again.

“That’s my girl,” Dino mumbled, fingering you through your high, pulling them out of you once you wrapped a hand around his wrist. You watched with wide eyes as he brought them to his lips, sucking them clean and moaning at the taste of you. “You taste so sweet, baby.”

“Don’t say thatttttt.” You whined, pushing him down onto the grass while you sat yourself upright. Wasting no time, you immediately brought one of your hands to his crotch, palming over the bulge that had been growing inside of his pants. “Ooh, what’s this? Is this all because of me?” You mimicked the words he had said to you earlier, grinning when he nodded and pushed his hips up into your hand.

“Baby, come on, you’re really gonna tease me right now?” Dino asked, unable to stop his hips from moving. As much as you wanted to tease him, there would be plenty of opportunities to do that another time. Right now, you wanted so badly to taste him, to feel him in your mouth and hear him moan for you like you had done for him.

You tugged down his pants and underwear, just enough so that his cock could spring free, and you drooled at the sight, noticing the bead of pre cum that had collected at his tip, and now it was time for Dino to be the embarrassed one.

“So…big.” You mumbled, wrapping your hand around him and giving him a few slow pumps, squeezing him once to see what his reaction would be. A hoarse groan served as your answer. “Can I…use my mouth on you?”

“Of course you can baby,” Dino nodded all too eagerly, watching with rapt attention as you brought your lips closer and closer to his cock. You have his tip a few kitten licks, the slightly salty taste spreading onto your taste buds. To be honest, you really didn’t know how to do this, the request coming from a carnal place inside of you. You were stalking for time so you could recall the words in a book you once read that had a scene similar to this moment in it. Once you had the faintest idea of how to proceed, you wrapped your lips firmly around his cock, feeling him rest his hands on the top of your head for stability.

Feeling you swirl your tongue around him, flicking your tongue across the slit as your head bobbed up and down had Dino absolutely reeling beneath you. He gripped your hair, shoving it all the way down to the base as he thrust his hips up into your mouth, gagging as a few tears starting to form in your eyes. “S-Sorry baby, shit, I can’t help myself…you’re s-so good with this cute little mouth of y-yours, fuck. Gonna fuckin’ cum already.”

You hummed in acknowledgment, letting Dino continue to fuck your mouth. He had pulled you back slightly when he registered your gagging, allowing you to wrap your hands around what didn’t fit in your mouth. You stroked him as fast as he tugged your head up and down, feeling your saliva trickle down your lips, chin, and all the way down Dino’s cock. When his hips stilled, you thought for a slight second that something was wrong, but the next second you felt his cum shoot into your mouth and down your throat, and he released his grip on your hair as he laid back and panted.

Recalling the words in the book once again, you swallowed—unfortunately you had done so a bit too fast, and you coughed and patted your chest to keep yourself from choking. The last thing you wanted to do right now was die in front of Dino after you had just sucked him off after he had just fingered you. Dino helped you by patting your back. Once your breathing had gone back to normal, he smiled at you, and you returned the gesture.

“Wow, you were right,” You mumbled. “I do feel a thousand times better.”

“Does this mean we can ban the no touching rule?”

You narrowed your eyes at him with a grin, giving him a pinch on his thigh. Dino hissed in pain, scrambling to pull up his underwear and pants. “Consider that a yes.”

The next few weeks were nothing short of amazing. There was a minuscule, growing spark between you and Dino now, and it resided inside of your heart, and you felt no desire to let it die out or even to extinguish it.

Dino took you on several dates, yes, dates, in this time frame, always with an added personal touch. He brought you to a local Kasmiran bakery and then let you ride his thigh on the carriage ride home. He took you to a winery in Vaelia then ate you out behind the building. He asked you to tag along while he went sightseeing in Sokoto and had you cockwarm him in the carriage the whole time. With each of these, the spark in your heart continued to grow. 

At this rate, it was only a jagged of time before it grew to become a fire.

You were up early again this morning, having thought of the most wonderful idea in bed the night before. Today, you were going to Kasmira all on your own to surprise Dino. Sure, yes, you had been to Kasmira before, but never had you been to the castle. You would even bring him some tarts made from the tangerines you had picked in the Sokotoan tangerine fields on Tuesday with Dino before he asked you to sit on his face. That was a good day.

Ryujin couldn’t be happier for you, though at some times during this new stage in the relationship between you and Dino she felt like she couldn’t keep up with the new you. Though recently, you had been giving her more days to herself as you insisted on doing all the work for yourself.

You were getting ready to go, opening the door of your room, shocked to see Chaeryeong already standing there, seemingly spacing out again with a round golden container in her hands.

“Um…Chaeryeong?” You mumbled, waving a hand in front of her face. That seemed enough to snap her out of it, and she focused her gaze on you with a smile.

“Ah, sorry Your Highness! Here are the tarts, freshly baked just for you. Lia was going to deliver them, but then she remembered she had something to do with Ryujin at the last minute.”

You took the container from her and smiled. “Thank you. Oh, and tell the cooks I said thank you as well.” Chaeryeong nodded, bowing to you before excusing herself. You shut your door behind you, making your way out of the castle and to a carriage as fast as you could. When the driver asked where to, you happily chirped out “Kasmira, please,” and asked him to get you there as quick as he could. For all fifty minutes, you couldn’t sit still for longer than a few seconds. You just couldn’t wait to see Dino again, to hold him close and feed him your tarts. He’d probably ask if you made them, and even though you hadn’t, he’d still say they were the best things he’d ever tasted second to you. Then you’d get flustered, hit him, and let him bury himself between your thighs for as long as he wanted.

Long story short, you really wanted to see Dino. Really badly.

Upon your arrival to the Kasmiran castle, you rushed out of the carriage and into the castle, asking around until you found out that Dino was in the Kasmiran royal gardens. Thanking them, you hurried your way there, smiling when you took notice of his signature blonde hair. You were just about to call his name when he laughed, leaning his head back, and you saw a woman sitting beside him, looking at him with a smile on her face.

You felt your mouth go dry as it fell open in disbelief.

Princess Miyoung, the Princess of Hisia, was here in Kasmira. She was sitting next to Dino. Laughing with him. Touching his arm. You let out a shaky breath, a tightening feeling growing in your chest. What was she doing here? Why was she with him? What had she said to make him laugh like that? Fuck, you couldn’t take this. You had to get out of here. You turned around, having your third shock of the day to see Dino’s parents standing in the hallway behind you.

“Oh! Princess [Y/n],” His mother said, obviously surprised to see you standing there. “I wasn’t aware you were here. Is there something you need, honey?”

You shook your head, squeezing your eyes shut with your head to the ground. There was no way you were making a scene, not in front of Dino’s parents. “N-No, uh…I just came to drop off these…tarts. For Dino.” You mumbled, pushing the container into the hands of the King.

“Well, what a lovely sentiment! We’ll be sure to give these to him then dear. I’m sure he’ll be happy to—”

“[Y/n]?” Dino’s smooth voice filled your ears and you squeezed your eyes shut tighter. You didn’t turn to face him, you couldn’t, not if when you opened them you would see Miyoung standing there beside him, her presence alone enough to taunt you. “[Y/n], what wrong?”

“I have to go.” You said, scurrying out of the castle and back to the carriage. Dino chased after you, managing to catch up just before the carriage could start moving.

“What’s the matter? You just got here and now you’re leaving? Stay.” He reached through the open window to hold your hand, but you pulled it away and glared at him.

“Why? You shouldn’t need me when you have Miyoung here to entertain you in my place.” You retorted. Dino’s face fell, and you could only beat yourself up mentally for letting yourself get roped in by him. Of course he didn’t care about you. There was no way he could ever feel the same way about you as you did about him. You were fooling yourself for even thinking that for a second, Dino’s feelings were the same as yours.

“[Y/n], it isn’t like that, please just let me explain—”

You brought your hand up, placing it in front of his face to signal him to stop talking. “Don’t bother, Your Highness.”

For the second time, Dino watched you disappear from him, to let you slip through his hands like grains of sand, and stand to the side powerless as you faded away.

This cycle seemed impossible to break.

For the umpteenth time, here you were, locked away in your room, refusing to see Dino no matter how many times he had begged. You cried every day, drowning your sorrows in bottles upon bottles of wine, dragging yourself to the window to sob to the stars once night had come. You kept the door lock, adamant on not letting anyone see you in such a state. Unfortunately, Ryujin had picked the lock of your bedroom door with a handmade lock pick she got from Yeji because you “needed to eat” so you wouldn’t die before the wedding.

To hell with that wedding, and to hell with the groom.

You sat up in bed, your hands still gripping the nearly empty wine bottle and your cheeks still stained with last nights tears. You brought the bottle to your lips, finishing it off and tossing it aside into the bed. With heavy feet, you dragged yourself to the vanity in the corner of the room, sitting down to take in your reflection.

What have I become, you asked yourself. Who am I? Sighing, you smoothed out the wrinkles in your clothes and tried to make your hair look less unkempt. You wished Yuna was here, she was the hair expert. Ryujin always preferred to keep it simple whenever she did your hair, but she had admitted to you that she learned everything she knew from the younger girl.

A knock at the door had you rolling your eyes.

“Go away, Ryujin. I don’t want breakfast.”

The door opened slightly, and you turned around with a scowl on your face. But then your face changed—softened. Ryujin wasn’t at the door.

“Sorry, I’m not Ryujin.” Dino mumbled, cautiously entering your room before shutting it behind him. “Can we…talk? I haven’t seen you in weeks, [Y/n]. I’m really worried.”

His tone of voice was so gentle and sincere you almost forgot why you were mad at him. Almost. The reason why came flooding back to your brain instantly, and you turned away from him.

“I have nothing to say to you.” You said to him, crossing your arms over your chest.

“[Y/n], please don’t be like that. You left before I had the chance to explain back at the castle.”

“Explain what?” You stood up, whipping around to face him. “Explain what you were doing with the Princess of Hisia? You know what they did to us.” Your last sentence came out quieter—sadder.

“Who is ‘us’?”

“Me! My family! The rest of Sokoto! That is who ‘us’ is, Dino!”

“Why are you grouping yourself with them?” As hard as Dino tried to understand you, in this moment he just…couldn’t. “The war wasn’t your fault, and there was nothing you could’ve done to change what had already happened.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that Hisia stabbed us in the back. And there you were, with the Princess of the first nation that decided to betray us.” You pointed your finger at him. “You’re a traitor.”

“I’m sorry that I have friends, [Y/n], and you don’t. But when your kingdom decides to stay out of unnecessary political affairs that you aren’t a part of, you get keep your allies. I’m sorry if that’s something you or your parents don’t realize because you’re so insistent on being cold and unfeeling, but that’s not what we do in Kasmira.”

Everything he said hurt more because not one part of it was false. But you couldn’t back down now. You had to do something to regain control over the argument.

Even if it meant sending him away.

“Get out.”

Dino raked his hands through his hair, and you could tell that his patience with you was running thin. “No, [Y/n]. I’m not leaving you while you’re like this.”

You glared at him. “I said get out! I don’t ever want to see you again! Go marry somebody else!”

As soon as the words came out of your mouth, the look on Dino’s face was enough to make you regret saying them. You had never seen him go from looking so shocked and heartbroken before, not even the slightest bit. But now…now you had. At it was all because of you.

“Why would I want to marry someone else?”

Silence. Long, heavy, painful silence. Neither one of you looked away from the other or spoke, until finally, after what felt like forever, you found an answer.

“Because I know someone out there is a better match for you than I am.”

“What? [Y/n], what are you talking about? That’s not what I want at all.”

“You…you don’t mean that.” You couldn’t even look at him right now, not if you wanted to believe what you were saying no matter how untrue it was.

“I do, [Y/n]. I mean it. I’ve wanted to marry you since the first time I saw you. Even if you kept running from me. Even if you pushed me away. Even if I could only see you on your time.” Nothing could prepare you for the words he said next. “Because I love you, [Y/n].”

You stiffened, finally finding the strength to raise your head to look at him “What did you say?”

“I said I love you.” He repeated. “Should I say it again, baby?”

“N-No, you can’t…” You whimpered, leaning into Dino’s chest as you felt tears brimming at your waterline. “Please take it back…”

“Take it back? No, why would I ever do that? I really mean it. I’d never say I love you and not mean it, [Y/n].”

“Why do you love me? What is there to love, Dino?”

Dino frowned, wrapping his arms around you and hugging you tightly.

“You have the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. Every time you laugh, I laugh, because it’s so infectious. You’re such a good friend to Ryujin. When you eat something you like, you can’t stop until you’ve finished it all. You don’t make the best jokes ever, but you’re learning.” He said, laughing a little once he had finished. “And those are just my favorite things about you.”

You wrapped your arms around Dino, running your hands up and down his back, forcing yourself to believe that yes, this was reality. He was here, he was real, and he loved you. “I’m sorry.” You mumbled, the sound of your voice quiet.

“What was that?”

“I said I’m sorry.” You pulled back slightly so that he could hear your voice clearly. “I shouldn’t have ignored you, or run from you, or any of it. I…” Deep breath, you could do it. “I love you too.”

“Is all that true, baby?” You nodded, and Dino immediately pulled you back to his chest, hugging you even tighter. “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that.”

“You mean it?” You asked, wanting to make sure that he was serious. “Not just ‘cause we’re supposed to get married, right?”

His laughter was music to your ears. “Of course not, baby. I love you either way.”

You smiled, tilting your head up so Dino could wipe away your stray tears.

Dino nodded, pulling you back again so he could look you in the eyes. “Yeah, I love you, baby.” His eyes flickered down to your lips before coming back to your eyes. “Can I kiss you?”

A nod of your head is all it takes before he’s pressing his lips to yours. You had never been kissed by anyone before, but the way Dino kissed you was enough to make you glad that this was the first kiss you had ever gotten. The kiss was slow and tender, and you unconsciously chased his lips when he attempted to pull away, wrapping your arms around his neck to keep him in place. Dino smiled against your lips, the two of you only pulling away once the need for air went from mild to severe.

“Again?” You asked, and Dino immediately pulled you in again. The kiss was different this time, it was faster and sloppier, the initial tenderness of the first being replaced by a newfound desperation now that you two knew that what you were feeling was the same. Dino loved you, and you loved Dino.

You didn’t fight it when Dino started to guide you backwards, your body hitting the bed with a bounce. Dino slipped his hands under your thighs, flipping up the bottom of your silk nightgown and pulling down your underwear and tossing it onto the floor. He cupped your cunt with one hand, the palm of his hand pressed flat against your clit.

“Dino, please…”

“Please what, baby? Don’t you want me to play with this cute little pussy like always?” He asked, feeling the way your arousal stuck to his hand as he circles your entrance with one of his fingers. You shook your head, holding onto his wrist with your hand.

“Just want you to fuck me.”

Dino groaned, resting his hands on your hips and pushing your nightgown up even further. “Yeah? You sure, baby?”

You nodded, your skin flushed with heat. “Mhm, want your cock, Dino.”

God, just when he thought you couldn’t get any more beautiful, and that he couldn’t get any harder, you just continued to surprise him.

“Who am I to deny the Princess?” He smirked, making quick work of removing his clothes. While he was doing that, you pulled off your nightgown and threw it and your bra aside, both of them landing somewhere on the floor with the rest of your clothes. Dino laid you back down on the bed, climbing on top of you while he ran his hands all over your body, grinning at the way you moaned and trembled when he teased your nipples.

“Dino, please,” You whined, and he chuckled softly.

“Okay, okay, sorry. I just can’t help myself,” He mumbled, reaching down to pump his cock a few times before lining it up at your entrance. “Ready, baby?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Ready.”

Dino eased into your cunt slowly, giving you the chance to adjust to him, all the while he swallowed your whimpers and whines by kissing you. When he had pushed himself all the way inside, he tore his lips away from yours to bite down on your shoulder, resisting the urge to start moving his hips already. The two of you stayed like that for a little while before you  told him it was alright to start moving.

“So perfect, so pretty,” Dino mumbled, holding one of his hands holding onto your hip while the other had both of your wrists pinned above your head. He thrusted into you slowly, pulling himself out almost all the way before slamming back inside of you. “I can’t believe I get to have you like this, baby, fuck.”

“M-me too.” You shuddered, your body slowly traveling further up the bed each time he thrusted into you. “Love it, love you, love your cock, shit…”

“Love you too baby, so much,” He whispered, speeding up the speed of his thrusts, a quiet grunt coming out of his mouth when he felt your walls clenching around him. “Fuck…gonna cum for me already baby? Hm?”

Your response was lost in a series of strangled noises of pleasure as you felt your orgasm creeping up on you. Dino pulled the hand pinning your wrists away and brought it down to the point where your bodies were connected, rubbing your clit in quick circles. You cried out, rolling your hips against him, your eyes rolling back into your head as you came undone beneath him.

“That’s it baby, I’ve got you,” He groaned, speeding up even more as he continued to thrust through your high. Once you had caught your breath, his hips jerked forward one last time before you felt his hit cum filling you up. You tried to pull him closer, figuring that he was done, but Dino flipped you over and ran the head of his cock along your slit, making you whine from the overstimulation.

“Just one more, baby. I cant get enough of this sweet little pussy,” He pushed in without warning, and you screamed, shocked at yourself for just how loud you were being.

“Ngh, Dino, c-can’t take it,” You whined, your head falling down onto the pillows and your mouth hanging open as you surrendered yourself to the pleasure.

“Shh, I know you can take it baby,” Dino whispered, pulling you up so your back was flush against his chest, bringing his head to the crook of your neck, taking a long deep inhale and sighing with content. “You smell so fucking good.”

You can feel his pounding in his chest against your back, your head falling backwards as you felt your second orgasm approaching. “G-Gonna cum again…” Dino couldn’t even brace himself before your walls clamped down against his cock, whispering curses against your skin, and felt his own release envelop him for the second time today too.

You fell forward onto the bed, your eyes closed as you steadied your breathing once again. Dino collapsed beside you, draping an arm over your waist and pulling you close. You turned your head over your shoulder to look at him and smiled.

“That was amazing.”

“Not as amazing as you, baby,” He murmured, stroking your hair with his hand. “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“I love you most.”

You gripped Ryujin’s shoulders, much to her pain, because she was trying desperately to pry them away.

“[Y/n], your nails are digging into my skin,” She groaned, and only then did you pull your hands away.

“Sorry, Ryujin.” You ran your down the front of your dress, taking deep breaths to steady your nerves. “I just don’t know if I’m ready for this.”

“Of course you are,” Yeji shook her head with a smile on her face. “You look beautiful, [Y/n]. You just go out there, walk down the aisle, and tell Dino those two words that will join you forever.”

“Cum inside?” Ryujin asked, earning her a smack from Lia.

“No, I do.” Lia sighed, then turned to look at you. “I’m so glad you chose us to be your bridesmaids.”

“Yeah!” Yuna agreed, then shuffled around Chaeryeong and Yeji so she was next to you. “By the way, when you throw the bouquet, is there any chance you can sum it towards me?”

“She won’t see us, Yuna. There’s no way she’ll know who she’s throwing at.” Chaeryeong said with a quiet sigh. “I’m really so happy for you, [Y/n]. Dino is the perfect match for you.”

Yeah, if you heard her say that a few months ago, you would not have believed her. You might have even questioned why she would say such a thing. But after everything you and Dino have been through, you could finally agree.

Your father approached you and the girls, a smile on his face as he looked at you. “Oh honey, you look so beautiful. I never thought this day would come.” This was the first time you had seen your dad smile in years.

“What a gorgeous bride. Oh dear, I’m so happy for you,” Your mother cried, holding your head in your hands and pressing a kiss to your forehead. You couldn’t help but smile seeing your parents so happy, and all because of you.

“Thank you Mother, thank you Father.”

Yuna gasped, and everyone turned to look at her. “It’s starting!”

Your father looked at you, nodding. “Alright honey. Are you ready?”

You let out the breath you had been keeping in for a while. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” He pulled your veil over your head, intertwining his arm with yours. The two of you walked down the aisle, and you could hear the gasps and murmurs of everyone in the audience as you walked past them, all eyes on you in that present moment, especially Dino’s

Once you felt your father’s arm leave yours, you turned yourself to the right, faintly making out Dino’s face behind your veil. He reached forward, flipping the veil behind your head, his eyes softening when he got a look at your face.

“You look so gorgeous,” he whispered, and you smiled even brighter.

“And you look so handsome,” you whispered back, Dino trying to bite back the smile that continued to grow on his face.

The ceremony was beautiful, a bit longer than you had thought it would be, but it was fine with you, because Dino looked really good in that tuxedo.

“Prince Dino, do you take Princess [Y/n] to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for to love and to cherish; from this day forward?”

Dino’s hands gripped yours tighter as he nodded, staring deeply into your eyes. “I do.”

“And do you, Princess [Y/n], take Dino to be your lawfully wedded husband, in good times and bad, in joy as well as sorry, till death do you part?”

You nodded, looking back at Dino with just as much love in your eyes as he was doing with you. “I do.”

“Then by the power vested in me, I nor pronounce you, husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.”

The crowd before you all cheered as Dino cupped your head in his hands and pulled you forward for a kiss. This kiss felt different from the way he had kissed you before, again. This one was passionate, loving, now the two of you were complete. It was perfect.

Later on, after much cake a little drinking, and watching Lia and Yuna fight over the bouquet after you threw it between both of them, you and Dino were still waltzing on the dance floor in the middle of the rest of the guests, holding each other impossibly close, that longing love-struck look still in both of your eyes.

“I can’t believe I get to call you my wife, now,” Dino mumbled, spinning you around. You hummed, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. “My perfect, pretty, sweet wife.”

“Oh stop it,” You laughed. “Sweet is a bit of a stretch, isn’t it?”

“Not at all, baby. I think you’re very sweet.” He said, then pulled you closer. “In more ways than one. Speaking of which, I can’t wait to have you all to myself tonight.”

“Again?” You asked, but you still anticipated what he would have in store for you. “You’re insatiable.”

“Well now that you’re all mine, how am I supposed to help myself?”

You just smiled and shook your head. He should be so lucky that he loved you. But then again, maybe he didn’t need to be. Not when you loved him back just as much. Forever and always, till death do you part.

[sturniozo]

Savage Love Part Thirteen

Matt Sturniolo x Reader Mafia AU

Masterlist

Emma was adamant on releasing the article. After the phone call got hung up I began panicking. I can’t tell Matt or else he could do something drastic about this.

I lay down for a moment to catch my breath and think about what to do. But I’ve got nothing.

I’ll have to tell Matt, but he’s busy tonight. He told me he wouldn’t be able to answer any calls tonight at all and the story publishes tomorrow morning. I shake my head and sit up. I need a drink.

I get to my small kitchen and open my cabinet to grab a glass and pour myself some wine. I’ve only just turned 20, and my older friend, Steph, brought it to my apartment a few weeks before I met Matt.

Steph works on the paper too, as a photographer. She knows every big club and party, much like Emma, but Steph has access to the guest lists. She’s how Emma knew Matt was going to be there in the first place.

I take a sip of the wine. It’s not for my taste, but it’s something. I just need to take my mind off of this and rest. I’ll tell Matt first thing in the morning before the paper comes out.

~

I couldn’t sleep the whole night. At around five in the morning I found myself getting out of bed and getting in my car, which is how I’m now on my way to Matt’s house.

I don’t even know the address, just the path to get there. He’s had me driven from my place to his and back so many times now, I’ve gotten used to the path.

I take the last turn that leads up the driveway to Matt’s house. I park in his driveway behind all of his cars, and I walk to the door. The door is locked so I knock. I answer.

I bite my lip and turn around. His car isn’t gone. I ring the doorbell but no answer once again.

I sigh and sit down on the step in front of his door. I lean my head against the railing of the steps. The darkness is just starting to fade away as the sun rises. I close my eyes for a moment, tired from the lack of sleep.

I must have fallen asleep because I wake up to the sound of a car pulling up and the sun has risen a good bit. Matt steps out of the car and has a scowl on his face.

“Matt!” I jump up and run quickly to him. I go to hug him and he pushes me away.

“Matt? What’s wrong?” I ask. He glares at me

“Go home.” He says in a low voice.

“No, I have something to tell you.” I step closer to him and he walks off. “Matt!” I yell to him.

Matt turns around and angerly walks back to me. “I fucking trusted you.” He spits at me.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

Matt goes to his car and pulls out a newspaper, throwing it in my face. “Fired, really? Cos that article is under your name.”

I open the paper and see it. The article Emma wrote but published under my pseudonym. “No, Matt, that’s what I came here to tell you.”

“That you betrayed me?”

“No!”

“Did you do this just to get your job back?”

“No, Matt I-“

“Or were you even fucking fired in the first place?”

“I was Matt!” Tears form in my eyes.

“Get the fuck out of here!”

“Matt, please!” I sob

“Y/n.”

I look down as tears stream down my cheeks. “Matt, I wouldn’t do this to you.”

“I don’t believe that, look at it! It’s your pseudonym!”

“It wasn’t me, it was Emma!”

“And how would she have known any of that shit, huh? You told her that shit.”

"No, I didn’t mean to- it isn’t like that.”

“Then what is it like?”

“I called her when I saw what was in that room, I was just scared.”

“And you told her to run the article about me? The one you quit. The one that got you fired?”

“How did you know about that?” I ask.

“I know everything.”

“Matt, please listen to me.”

“No you listen to me!” He yells as he steps closer to me. “Get the fuck away from me now.” He spits.

Tears stream down my face. “Matt, please.”

“Go. I don’t want to see you.”

“Matt, I love you.”

Matt just stares at me. I bite my lip and sniffle lightly. “Go.” He says again.

“Please.” I beg in a whisper as the tears pour out of my eyes.

“Just go.” He whispers to me before turning around and walking away.

I swallow the saliva building in my mouth and look down, sniffling. I get back to my car and lean my head against the steering wheel. More tears flow out of my eyes and down my cheeks.

I take a deep breath and start my car, pulling out of his driveway and leaving. I start driving through New York City until I reach the highway that leads back to my home.

Tears blur my eyes and I wasn’t focused enough to see the car that’s been following me since I left Matt’s house. I wipe my tears away, and as I do the car behind me speeds up and crashes against my bumper. I yelp and look into my rear view mirror to see the car ram against my car again.

I’m pushed forward and my head hits the wheel. The week turn and I’m run off the road and crash in the ditch. The airbag goes off and smacks me in the face, forcing my head backwards harshly against the head of my seat.

I catch my breath and groggily move the airbag out of my way, going to undo my seatbelt and open the car door.

But the door opens before I can do it myself, and someone tanks me out of my car. I yelp again and scream, trying to get away.

“I’ve been waiting for something that Sturniolo cares about to come along.” The man says.

“Let me go!” I scream.

“Not until I get what I want.”

“And what’s that?”

“Matt Sturniolos brains scattered on the floor.”

~

The room is dark and cold. The floor is damp and the chair I’m tied to is right in a puddle. I struggle against the binds and let out screams muffled by the gag in my mouth. The man who took me stood in the corner, on the phone with someone.

He walks up to me, the phone to his ear. “Is this Matt Sturniolo?” He asks. After a reply he smiles and puts the phone on speaker.

“I said what do you want?” Matt’s voice says through the phone call.

“I’ve got something of yours, someone, say hello.” The man pulls the gag from my mouth and I gasp for air.

“Matt don’t listen to him, he’ll kill you, don’t do whatever he mmph!” The man shoves the gag back in my mouth.

“Let her go.” Matt demands.

“No, no no no. You will come here and get her.” The man says.

“I’m warning you-“

“No I’m warning you. Come get her, be here in three hours or she’s dead.”

“And where exactly is here?” Matt asks.

“The same place you had my brother killed.”

“Who are you?”

“Sean Cassidy.”

TAGS: @stargirlsturniololover @sturniolobessed @eyelessdemon00 @sturnioloenthusiast @sturniolopookie @urmommysbathroom @qwertytit @whatever1021 @chrisfavoritepepsi @stramboli4life @sturniolosreads @timmyscomputer @iloveneilperry @chrisloyalgf @xxsadlovexx @bernardenjoyer @mbbsgf @nickmillersn1gf @ilovechrissturniolo1 @matthewsturnioloswifey @chrislapdog @stuniolobbg

[lovepotionsandlust]

All Of The Ways We Differ

This is my first ever fic I have written. this will be MULTIPLE parts. *please note this is an AU* Not proof read

no use of Y/N

no warnings for the first chapter

enjoy!

“Explliarmus!” you watched as Harry’s wand flew from his hand. For your first try at the disarming spell, you were shocked how well it had worked. You were late to join “Dumbledore’s Army,” making you the newest member. You could not stop the nerves of feeling behind everyone’s progress. “Well done!” shouted a student whose name you were yet to be aware of. As you strode away from the center of the room, enjoying the praise from your peers, you joined your group of friends.

“Fred Weasley,” he said, extending his right hand to you. Looking up at him, you reached out, shaking his large hand. From his right stepped out his identical twin.

“Now Freddie, don’t take all of the star students’ attention.”

 He bumped shoulders with his brother making more room for himself.

 “George Weasley at your service” you couldn’t help smiling up at the red headed twins.

 “I wouldn’t call myself the star by any means but thank you for the vote of confidence.”

“it’s about time you three met,” interrupted Ginny, your best friend. “I’ve only told you about her a million times.”

“ah so you’re the infamous twins I have heard so much about” you chuckled up at them.

“so what brought you to join the big boys?” they asked in unison.

Rasing your hand, showing the back of it. Still red and irritated, “I shall not speak disrespectfully to my superiors.” You mocked Umbridge’s voice. “after she decided to insult my work in class, I promptly asked if her hairstyle was some form of curse we would be learning about in the upcoming chapters.” You smiled to yourself, still staring down at your hand. “Was well worth it though, the look on her face was a thing of dreams.”

Shooting your eyes at the twins, both looking amused. “absolutely brilliant if you ask me! We were thinking of slipping her some puking pastels in her tea, they are an invention of ours.”

Your interest peaked, you had to know more. As you stood taking in all of the information regarding the skiving snack boxes, their deliciously devious contents. “here, consider me a founding member, and remember who supported you at the beginning.” You handed them each ten galleons.

Right then and there Fred knew he had fallen, and fallen hard.

***

Every meeting since then, you had always held Freds attention. Frequently catching him watching you in the mirrored walls when your back was to him. Typically ignoring it, “he’s just watching you because you’re a fast learner, don’t think too much about it.” Today you decided to stick your tongue out at him, letting him know he was caught. Quickly straightening himself up, his face turned a darker red color than his bright hair. George leaned over to whisper something in his ear in your general direction. Whatever he had to say clearly upset him as he gave his shoulder a quick shove. Leaving George to walk away looking far too smug.

 You turned walking your way to Ginny, noticing the expression on her face.

“Now what is that face about Gin?”

“Well, isn’t it obvious? You clearly have caught my brother’s attention” she tilted her head in Freds direction. “he was so busy trying to impress you with his patronus charm, that he sent it flying  into the back of Nevilles head.”

“Yeah, bloody hurt too. If I didn’t have a hard enough time remembering things, now I have a head injury to worry about.” Neville exclaimed joining the conversation.

Rolling your eyes, shaking your head, you did your best to hide the blush that had risen to your cheeks.

“You both have gone mad, he has got most of the sixth years wrapped around his finger-“

“Well, your finger is the only one he is wrapped around. All he can ever do at home now is ask about you. Speak of the devil, look who’s coming.”

You could feel his approach from behind you. Ginny leaned in closer adding.

“At this rate we will be in-laws before the semester is through.”

“you keep pestering me and I will send Goyle a love potion with your name on it.”

With this she put her hands up in surrender stepping back, “hey, I have always wanted a sister.”

You stepped forward at her causing her to turn around, exiting the room. A throat clearing behind you caught your attention. Turning on your heel, there Fred was, standing much closer to you than you had expected. Catching you off guard you stumbled backwards slightly, he reached out catching your hand helping you find your balance. Both of you blushing, avoiding each other’s eye contact.

“Sorry about that, I just wanted to come to with you a happy Christmas.” He smiled down at you in a way that made your knees feel as if they were going to give out.

“Thanks Freddie, Happy Christmas to you as well.”

“Going to visit your family I trust?”

“Not this year actually, ill be staying at the castle. My family is traveling around Europe visiting relatives from all over the country. They won’t return for quite some time after either. With O.W.L.s quickly approaching, figured it would be best to stay behind to catch up on my potions preparations.”

“Well, now if I knew you were staying behind, I would have signed up to stay as well. Percy, Bill and Charlie, all cannot make it home this year. Should be a quiet day at the burrow.”

“don’t you worry about little ol’ me. There is always trouble somewhere that I can find myself in the center of.”

A low chuckle left him, as if without thinking he replied “That’s my girl” with a grin.

Your eyebrows raised at him, biting back a smile.

“Oh- uh- I just meant- um” he stammered.

You watched as he tried to back his way out of the corner, he had just put himself in.

“For the biggest prankster in Hogwarts history, I really thought you would be quicker to get yourself out of trouble Weasley.” Without breaking eye contact, you slid your bag over your shoulder.

“I hope you have a very merry Christmas Freddie.”

Without another word shared, you exited the room. Attempting to hide the amusement on your face. Fred watched you intently as you exited into the large hallway, rejoining your friends.

George joined his side “ugh, I missed her! Did you at least wish her a Happy Christmas from me?”

Without moving his attention from you, he leaned closer to George, “ do you remember how much trouble I had got in for turning moms knitting needles into snakes last summer?"

“How could I forget? She wouldn’t let me out of the house either for fear you were lying to her to get out of the house. Wait- why?”

Fred nodded in your direction “that one over there is more trouble for me than that, I assure you.”

***

***

As the campus refilled with student, you could not help but feel eager to see Freddie again. Too many nights to count over the last week you had found yourself in the astronomy tower yearning for his company. Classes roared back up with the looming O.W.L. examinations nearing closer. Sitting in the library you could not focus on your text books, your mind often wandering. You were so distracted you didn’t even notice Ginny join your table. Your name being called pulled you from your day dream.

“Lost in the clouds again?” she teased.

“just cant seem to keep my feet on the ground, nothing out of the ordinary. Did you enjoy your break Gin?”

“well, I tried to, but most of the time I was being harassed. Do you want to know by who?” she smirked up at you.

“Yes, absolutely I do.” You thought. Keeping your eyes on your textbook, afraid she would read your facial expressions too easily. “oh, here we go again, I do not want to hear your theories- “

She promptly interrupted “Fred would not stop pestering me regarding what you were talking to me about before break. He overheard my comment about wanting a sister. You should have seen his face when I told him that we were discussing your schoolgirl crush for Ron. He turned just about the same shade of red as you have now.”

You crumpled up a near piece of paper and threw it at her.

“You did not!”

“Well what else was I supposed to tell him?”

You hid your face in your hands with a sigh.

“tell me you’re joking you did NOT tell him-“ you looked around your surroundings quieting your tone, “that I fancied Ron of all people.”

Pushing your arm gently, prompting you to remove your hands, your eyes flashed up at her.

“well would you have preferred I told him the truth about who has caught your eye?”

There was no point in trying to lie to her at this point.

“you open your mouth and I will tell Harry about that dream, in which I swore never to repeat”

She placed her hand over her heart dramatically. “you wouldn’t!”

Smiling back at her, you waited a moment acting as if you were dep in thought.

“but you promised!”

Pure embarrassment and panic flushed over her expression.

“you’re right Gin, I wouldn’t. even thinking about having to repeat that depravity and I’m feeling ill. Have been doing my best to forget it since you told me about it.” You placed your hand over your mouth pretending to fight back vomit.

“you and Fred are perfect for each other, you know that? Glad to see you finally admit that you do in fact fancy him, don’t think I missed that.” Swiftly you kicked her under the table.

“Now it is your turn to promise to keep things between us Gin.”

She extended her pinky to you, interlocking them in a promise the way you would as a child.

***

Days had passed since your conversation with Ginny in the library. No practice sessions took place in the room of requirement as everyone prepared for the O.W.Ls. Tensions continued to build as Umbridge had really supped her retaliation against the students and now the staff. With her rules prohibiting students of opposing genders to interact in the halls, your chances of spending time with Fred any time soon were dwindling.

As students sat quietly in the rows of desks that now lined the great hall, the only sounds to be heard were the quick movements of quills and the swinging of the pendulum. That was until a fizz and pop noise caught everyones attention. Before you knew what was happening, Fred and George were flying through the air above you. Throwing more fireworks than you had ever seen. You could not keep your eyes off of him. The loud cheers of the fellow students gave him the courage he needed to make a move. Swiftly he flew down to you slowing only for a moment to leave a kiss on your cheek. Turning to wink at you as he returned to his brothers side. Ginny grabbed your hand pulling you closer, the smile on your face could not be removed with the cruciatus curse. Between the twins antics and the sound of Umbridge screaming as she ran, the previous months of stress seemed to melt away. As a large dragon made of fireworks chased her out of the room, all of the students followed. Chasing after the twins as they entered the courtyard, a large “W” filled the sky in shimmering colors. As they were out of eye sight, something else caught your attention. A small paper bird flying near your side. You extended your hand allowing it to land softly in your hand. Noticing the ink bleeding through from the other side, you quickly opened the parchment.

“tomorrow 6pm

3 brooksticks

Back booth

Don’t be late xx

Freddie”

[cherubchoirs]

Not a question, but i wanted to say that i love the poetry of Gabriel now having to help the newly angelic V1 to get used to its new form, just like V1 helped fallen Gabriel all those years ago.

(Also love the how they basically inverted roles, Gabriel became demonic, and V1 angelic)

it's one of my favorite parts of the au too ;o; i just really love the idea of both of them getting the chance to be cared for in a way they very rarely ever had been, if at all - gabriel shouldered so many burdens all on his own, his "sin" had to be hidden and if he made mistakes, he paid for them without receiving an ounce of sympathy from those surrounding him. in his fall, v1 saw his disgrace, saw how he had been condemned and damned through perceived treachery, it saw all the ugliness made manifest that heaven hated in him...and it cared for him then. it grew in understanding of gentleness, it learned how to be caring just for his sake because it saw suffering, suffering he believed in so many ways he brought on himself, but it chose to still treat him with kindness so antithetical to its nature. gabriel couldn't comprehend that, believed so thoroughly he didn't deserve it, yet he could never change its mind. his light had been ripped from him, he has branded a traitor of god, but he was met with care.

in a similar way, v1 is a machine, a new prototype never before seen - it underwent so many modifications, it was constantly torn apart in body and mind without its consent, without its understanding of what they were changing about it. it would simply wake up with parts added, parts taken, code rearranged and mind altered so many times that it died over and over in the testing phases. but it had to take those changes, it had to adapt to them even if they could stripped from it in an instant and it had to start all over again learning its new body, new mind. so when it's resurrected, it's used to this in a way, it understands it must adjust because this is just what it is now. it is a tool at its core, and a tool must be made most efficient. and it's happy to be most efficient. but then gabriel comes to it, he apologizes for so altering it even if that very altering saved its life. he helps it adjust to the changes, he uses his knowledge because he can understand what he did and what's happening to v1 unlike experimenting engineers in its past. he lets it take its time, he doesn't criticize it or express disappointment as it struggles with some of its new power. he's just as gentle, just as kind as v1 once was in his fall, and for the first time...it can feel fully confident, fully safe in the changes that were made

[sugolara]

𝐖𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐓𝐨 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝

Feat. Katsuki Bakugo x Shoto Todoroki x Izuku Midoriya x fem! reader

An ongoing series.

Synopsis: After a deadly virus leaks all over the world, every country is forced to close down its borders and airports to prevent anyone from coming in and out. Though, it's too late for some people. The dead have risen and are looking for revenge.

Cw: gore, quirkless! au, apocalypse! au, zombie! au, weapons, death, heavy angst, lots and lots of blood, cannibalism, suicidal thoughts, updates thursday/sunday, slow burn, wd: 1k - 5k, its a quirkless! au, so u.a is a  private high school with general education along with classes that have hands-on experience; like a trade school.

BEING HEAVILY EDITED: s1 - s5 has been heavily edited as of 7/15/24 - 9/16/24, so a few things may not make sense if you are re-reading or the comments do not make sense.

Inspired by, ''The Walking Dead''

Table of contents:

Season 1: The beginning of us. Episode 1: Begin Episode 2: Not alone Episode 3: Gone but not forgotten Episode 4: You belong in this world Episode 5: Because all life is precious Episode 6: Musutafu, we'll meet again Episode 7: Izuku: I'd always thought there be more time

Season 2: The setting I lived for. Episode 8: During these two weeks Episode 9: Diopside, like your eyes Episode 10: For the first time in a long time Episode 11: Determined to survive, stay alive Episode 12: Imperturbable Episode 13: Almost complete Episode 14: Katsuki: You are going to beat this world

Season 3: The completion of us. Episode 15: Away with you Episode 16: Three months ago Episode 17: Disappear Episode 18: Thin ice Episode 19: Nothing else to lose Episode 20: My savior Episode 21: Shoto: Everything you would be will be gone

Season 4: The torture realization. Episode 22: Trouble Episode 23: For however long that'll be Episode 24: The fallen city Episode 25: Stay who you are Episode 26: Here with you Episode 27: All together Episode 28: F/n: A soul yet to be mourn

Season 5: The dawn to you. Episode 29: Back on road Episode 30: Lost Episode 31: Safe in your arms Episode 32: And so it begins Episode 33: At stake Episode 34: To be forgiven Episode 35: Familiar face

Season 6: The journey to you. Episode 36: A relief Episode 37: Upcoming trouble Episode 38: Never to easy Episode 39: To good for death Episode 40: Old memories Episode 41: A stroke of luck Episode 42: Be aware Episode 43: Bait Episode 44: A thump in my heart Episode 45: Belong to me Episode 46: One step closer (Towards you)

Season 7: The ache in my heart. Episode 47: Sorston Episode 48: Tenderness Episode 49: Here to stay Episode 50: The start Episode 51: Crushed Episode 52: Reporting to duty Episode 53: Good morning and goodbye Episode 54: An end to sorrow, grief & regret Episode 55: On the move Episode 56: Confirmation Episode 67: The world was on fire and no one could save me but you

Season 8: The beauty of choice. Episode 58: Not who you were Episode 59: Just you and me Episode 60: The Plaza Episode 61: The other side Episode 62: To be ready Episode 63: You're here Episode 64: So long, my dear Episode 65: Discard me Episode 66: Secrets you'll soon share Episode 67: I wish you nothing but the best Episode 68: For as long as I live Episode 69: Goodness and kindness can't survive, at least not in the world I dreamed of

Season 9: The missing. Episode 70: I'll see you in a while Episode 71: So wait for me Episode 72: Hushed secrets

To be continued...

Playlist!

Space junk - Wang Chung Wolf - First Aid Kit Into The Black - Chromatics My Life In Rewind Run Boy Run - Woodkid Bad Before Good - Day One You're so Cool - Jonathon Bree So Bored - Gorgeous Bully Operations - Duster Civilian - Wye Oak Can't Stop - Red Hot Chili Peppers Sweet Child O' Mine - Guns N' Roses Skyfall - Adele Up the wolves - The Mountains Goats Be Gone Dull Cage - Kiev Into Dust - Mazzy Star Tomorrow Is a Long Time - Bob Dylan Poison Tree - Grouper Rhymes Of An Hour - Mazzy Star You Are The Wilderness - Voxhaul Broadcast Running - Delta Spirit People, Turn Around - Delta Spirit The Lion's Roar - First Aid Kit Pain - Boy Harsher Setup - Favored Nations This Old Death - Ben Nichols Revolution - Red Shahan Mr. Splitfoot - Paris Motel The Man Who Sold The World - Nirvana Beautiful Mess - Balian The Day The World Went Away - Nine Inch Nails Empty Words - Bowery Electric No Longer Making Time - Slowdive Hush - Trills Struggling Man - Emily Kinney The Last Pale Light In the West - Ben Nichols Blackbird Song - Lee Dewyze Step Away From the Cliff - Blue-Eyed Son Take Care (To Comb Your Hair) - Ty Segall Paradise - Silverberg No Peace At All - Aldous Harding Glad I Had a Friend - Galt MacDermot Machine Gun - Portishead Shadows of Planes - Duster Save Us from Ourselves - Digital Daggers Salt in the Wound - Delta Spirit I'm No Heroine - Emily Wells It's All Right - Sam Cooke To Build A Home - The Cinematic 6 Underground - Sneaker Pimps Edge Of The World- Dayshell Bye Bye Bye - School of Seven Bells You Are Not Alone - Mavis Staples Welcome - Harmonia & Eno '76 Hope We Can Again - Nine Inch Nails outside - Oneheart sleepless - Odyzon Arsonist's Lullabye - Hozier It's All Over - Johnny Cash The Stars Just Blink for Us - Say Hi Love Will Tear Us Apart - Joy Division Knockin' On Heaven's Door - Guns N' Roses Runnin' Down A Dream - Tom Petty Fly Like An Eagle - Steve Miller Band Alesund - Sun Kil Moon Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd Wicked Game - Chris Isaak 1908 - Repulsive Rule of Rose OST - Playing Airship I Shall Cross This River - The Black Atlantic Easy Way Out - Low Roar Don Abandons Alice - John Murphy Wherever You Are - Ulrich Schnauss Waitin' Around to Die - Townes Van Zandt Hope Prevails - Jesper Kyd

Book one: Welcome To The New World Book two: To The One You Left Behind

taglist: @mikeyswifie @k0z3me @sky-angel101 @stevenknightmarc @nahwajinswhore @mn-0p @a-helen113 @azrral @mary-jinx @chixkadee @flowers-4-you @im-the-groot

[lyaswriting]

A Second Chance

Childe x Female!God!reader Reincarnation AU

Trigger Warnings: Blood, death, no beta we die like Rex Lapis

„I will return to you. Pinky promise.“

The whispered promise still lingered in her mind, where it had been for centuries, as Y/N walked through the park outside of a changed Mondstadt, quickly looking before crossing the street so she wouldn‘t be hit by a car, while taking a sip from her coffee. So she entered the park, that looked like it was a bit of a window into a past she sometimes barely remembered for how long it had been. Yet here she could still sometimes sit down and remember, occasionally still having to defend from a few slimes or other elemental beings, but to Y/N it was worth it, if only for the memories. Y/N had watched, as the times had changed after the fall of Celestia, after visions were no longer necessary to control elemental powers and after humanity decided to take matters into their own hands. She had watched as civilizations had risen and fallen, as people had embarked on journeys greater than they could imagine, as lovers had found their way back to each other, proving themselves that true love does exist.

And yet, Y/N thought, mine is the exception. As her lover had never returned, even though he promised. But he had tried, oh how he had fought to come back to her, but in the end it hadn‘t been enough.

And so, to make peace with the past or to not forget it, she didn‘t really know, she began writing down the stories, and adventures she had seen and lived. And she had written many about her once friends, as she felt each of their stories deserved to be told. And yet, as if to mock her once more, none sold better than the Story about the True Love between the Harbinger and the Goddess of Dreams. Although people often complained about the story having such a grim ending. But that was the harsh truth, that some stories did not have a happy ending.

If she listened into herself she could still remember their first meeting as if it had been merely days ago. She had just awoken from a slumber the Sustainer of Heavenly Principles had put her under, so she had decided to join Aether, the brave outlander, in his cause and traveled the world. That was when she had met the ginger haired Harbinger in Liyue, before the Rite of Descension.

In the Guili Plains she had fought some vishaps that had attacked her, she remembered, and was close to winning the fight, growing confident in her powers, as someone jumped into the middle of the fight, flashing two identical hydro blades, and before she knew it, the vishaps lay dead before them.

„Excuse me, but I had that under control!“, Y/N told the young man a bit rudely, who in return only put away the blades, and turned around slowly, grinning.

„Is that so?“, he said, looking her over before looking at her mildly enraged face.

„Yes. I was testing my fighting abilities, not to mention cutting in, jumping in without asking if I need help is rude.“

„I‘m sorry then. I can see now that you are perfectly capable of handling yourself. Maybe I can take you out to dinner, as an apology?“, he offered, while trying to look guilty, and failing.

„Do you always ask out women this way? Try to charm them after saving their lives?“

„So you do admit I saved your life?“, and he‘d smirked, oh that smirk.

„I did not mean it that way.“

„Of course you didn‘t“

„You didn‘t even tell me your name yet“, she bit back then, which he countered„And you didn‘t give me an answer“

„Fine, if you insist.“

„Perfect, I‘m Ajax by the way.“, he said, a dashing smile on his face, and equally smiling she answered,„Y/N“.

A little smile snuck onto her face, before it faded and she remembered how the whole story had ended. It had been centuries, and yet her heart had not healed. Some people you love so much that they leave a mark behind when they go, Zhongli had once said after the Battle against Celestia, familiar of the pain Y/N felt. And sometimes, he had said, they refuse to leave either, returning one way or another. But that was only wishful thinking, she knew, as she looked down at her hands, still almost seeing the blood that had stained them so long ago.

She‘d found the Harbinger after the battle, but instead of being fine like he promised, there was a gaping wound in his stomach, leaking blood just like the dozens of cuts on his body. His eyes had lighted up at seeing her, even if his smile was more melancholic as she kneeled next to him.

„Hey girlie.“

„What… you‘ll be fine. We‘ll get you to Barbara or Baizhu. You‘ll be fine.“

At that, he raised a hand to cup her cheek, making her look at him.

„Girlie, it‘s too late. Even if you…“, he coughed at this moment, she remembered, and he‘d coughed up blood, „even if they come… I used Foul Legacy for too long… my life is spent.“

„No, no, no… This cannot be. There has to be a way, I‘m a goddess, that has to count for something… I can figure something out, I just need time…“, Tears streamed down her face at this point violently shaking her, as she felt his breathing slow down, his voice raspy, „I wish we‘d have that time. But you, Y/N, were the best thing I could have hoped for. You were my dream.“

„Please don‘t leave me, I can‘t… I can‘t…“

„I will return to you. Pinky promise.“

Those had been the last words the Harbinger had ever said. And since then, every year she had returned to the park, to the same tree he had leaned against in his final moments, as if it could somehow make her feel closer to him.

That was when she heard it in the distance by the lake, fighting noices near the lake.

„If it is those damn hydro slimes again, I swear…“, she muttered under her breath, as she ran to the lake, already summoning her powers in her hand, throwing it at the slimes as soon as she saw them, apparently much to the dismay of their opponent.

„And here I thought I‘d get a little practice, but I guess not…“, the guy muttered.

That voice, that voice she had heard in her own dreams for a few hundred years now. It couldn‘t be, could it?

Y/N turned around, her heart beating so fast she would be scared if she weren‘t a goddess. And there he stood, as if he had never been gone, ginger hair tousled from the fight, hydro blades still in his hands.

„Anything particular you are staring at? Wanna spar perhaps after you destroyed my guinea pigs?“

He still had a playful tone, she noticed, but one look told her, that he didn‘t know who she was. Her heart sank a bit, before she caught herself, nearly laughing at the irony of their meeting.

„I… I‘m sorry, that was rude. I just thought someone might need help again and then I jumped in, completely disregarding your apparent dislike for help… I‘m sorry.“

„Apology accepted.“

„Even though, with those blades you wouldn‘t have gotten far against them, you know that right? Hydro vs Hydro and all.“

„Opinion noted.“

She laughed at that, an idea forming in her head.

„Opinion? You‘re welcome. But if you insist, may I take you out on dinner, to make it up?“

He studied her then, something seemingly pulling him in.

„I‘m sorry, I didn‘t get your name, did I? I‘m Ajax.“, and with that he stretched out his hand to her, which she shook, and smiled.

„I‘m Y/N“.

Ajax paused for a second, a feeling gnawing at him, as if he should remember something he doesn‘t, it was easy to read for Y/N, after all she had known him once before.

„Have we met once before?“, he asked, staring at her curiously.

„We kind of did. But I think you wouldn‘t believe me if I told you, it‘s apparently kind of a neverending story…“, she answered truthfully, looking into his blue eyes, full of life this time, and more mesmerizing than ever.

„Try me“, he said then, „maybe at that dinner you offered?“

And he smirked, oh that smirk.

And Y/N smiled too.

Maybe Zhongli had been right, that some people are bound to each other, and maybe Ajax had kept his promise too, he had found a way to return to Y/N.

[moni-logues]

Kintsugi 6

Pairing: Yoongi x reader

Genre: strangers-to-friends-to-lovers, non-idol!au, angst, smut, tiny bit of eventual fluff

Summary: In a fit of spiteful, post-break-up self-improvement, you sign up to a baking class. Yoongi, in a bid to appease his demanding girlfriend, signs up, too. Determined to make him your friend, you end up with more than you ever imagined.

Word count: 6.4k

Content: more crying, lots of crying, protected sex, semi-public sex/sex in a public place, casual talk of suicide as usj

A/N: thanks to Lia @quarter-life-crisis2 for beta-ing!

Chapter Five | Masterlist | Chapter Seven

Chapter Six - Yoongi, after all

You were at the beach. God knew why. Yoongi had insisted.  

You had fallen asleep there, on your sofa, you enveloped by him, him covering you. His breath warm and soft against your skin, his arms secure around you. You had eventually stopped crying, your ragged breath turning smooth, turning deep and slow as you let sleep overtake you. The untouched bowl of food sat still on the coffee table; your cycling shorts, a box of bandages, a pair of scissors lay, piled on the side of the kitchen counter. A small mess. A big mess.  

You had both woken early when the sunlight had streamed in through your uncovered windows. It had been awkward and you had wanted him to leave so you could cry into your pillows and rot into your sofa in peace. You had wanted him to leave so you wouldn’t have had to see him seeing you, in all your most debased, pathetic reality. He had been insistent, feverish nearly, almost demanding when he had said you should go out. Why he had picked the beach, you had no idea. It had seemed to come from nowhere, but you hadn’t had the energy to argue, so there you were. At the beach. 

The seagulls squawked and the waves roared as they always did. It was quiet for the time being. It was still early. You and Yoongi had risen with the sun and been stepping in sand before you would usually even be waking on a Saturday. Most of the beach-comers hadn’t come yet but they would and they would fill the air with raucous revelry when they did.  

It was silent between the two of you. It had been silent while Yoongi drove, too. When you had arrived, he had asked if you wanted a drink, an ice-cream, breakfast. You had refused all. You didn’t want anything but to walk into the sea and not walk out again.  

It wasn’t often that you were this quiet, that you let the silence go on, thicken, and cover you like fog. You could feel it around you, more than just mist. You always thought of Winnie the Pooh at moments like this: ‘I’m just a little black raincloud’. Of course, the circumstances were wildly different, so different that, if you were able to, you’d have found the comparison funny. You weren’t looking for honey. There wasn’t any to be had. You were just a raincloud, raining on everyone’s parade. You were just a raincloud, thick and dark and heavy with water. Drowning in it.  

Yoongi was angry. He hid his face behind sunglasses but you didn’t need to look at him to know. You could feel it. His silence was different today, too; it had grown claws.  

“You’re angry with me,” you said. Not a question. 

“No.” 

“Yes, you are.” 

“I’m not angry with you.” 

You sighed. He could have it his way. If he didn't want to talk then fi- 

“I’m fucking devastated.” 

You turned to him but he kept staring forward, straight at the sea.  

“What?” 

“You know I thought you were dead when I first came into your apartment? I get it; it’s not like I haven’t been there. But I thought you were fucking dead.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah.” 

“I’m not dead,” you offered, at a loss for anything else. 

“Yeah, I see that.” 

“You are still angry though.” 

“I bought you those fucking knives. If you had killed yourself, it would have been my fault.” There was venom in his voice, vitriol, more than just anger and you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. 

“No, it wouldn’t. I’d have found a way if I really wanted to.” 

“But I didn’t need to make it easier for you.” 

He was angry with himself. You hadn’t expected that. You hadn’t thought you could sink any lower, but you’d managed to. You’d hurt him. You were so worried about being hurt yourself that you hadn’t considered it, hadn’t considered him. He was beating himself up about something that was all you. He felt responsible for you, for what you’d done. You’d implicated him in it. You’d hurt him and he was angry and, in his own words, ‘fucking devastated’. You had done that. But he was sitting next to you on the beach still. He was holding your hand because you needed a tether, something to keep you on earth. He was there, despite everything you’d done.  

You had been hitting your head against the brick wall of thinking about Sungbin, of trying not to and failing. You had left your phone somewhere in your apartment so you had no way of knowing if he’d tried to contact you—no way of being disappointed and hurt all over again that he hadn’t. Because why would he? You wouldn’t have, if you were him. As you were bashing your head bloody, so was Yoongi. Bashing his head against the wall that said he had done this to you. That this was his fault, that he was somehow to blame for something you had done to yourself. 

You had, for hours, been successfully holding back tears. You took a deep breath and it shuddered in, wobbled out again. You lay back, straight onto the sand, and let the tears leak down into your hair. You covered your eyes with your hands and bit your lip and took a few more juddering breaths. Then you just let it happen. You were crying in public again. Crying while the sun rose higher and higher in the sky, crying as the beach filled with people, with joy. Crying. Yoongi reached out a hand and rested it on your leg, that was all.  

One thing you had learnt was that there was never an end to despair. You might think that there would be some end to tears, that they dry up eventually, but the fact of the matter was, they didn’t. You had spent nights crying, days crying; Taehyung had given you night-time flu medicine to knock you out just to get you to stop. You think you’re at rock bottom and then you discover fifty feet of crap below it. That’s where you were. Below rock bottom. Making life worse for all those around you. You were worse than just unwanted. You were a mistake. All the way back to the beginning, you were a mistake. Dragging everyone down.  

You took your hands to your thighs and Yoongi grabbed them both, held them tight. He lay down beside you and kept your hands clutched in his, held over his heart.  

“You told me I wasn’t allowed to kill myself,” he said and his voice was croaky, a little strained. “If I can’t, you can’t.” 

You struggled to control your sobbing enough to respond. 

“W-what if I real- really w-w-want to?” 

“Nope.” 

“What if we k-killed ours-… ourselves together?” 

“Suicide pact? Tempting. But no. I don’t want you to die.” 

You sighed shakily. 

“No, I don’t want you to d-die, either.” 

"So we’re agreed then. No dying. No killing ourselves.” 

You shrugged and Yoongi lifted a pinky. You didn’t want to promise, didn’t want to make a deal or a pact, didn’t want to swear that you wouldn’t end it all. You didn’t want to be bound to it. But after everything Yoongi had done for you, the fact that he was here now—you didn’t have a choice. You linked your own little finger with his as your heart sank in your chest.  

The silence felt less strained when it fell again. A little closer, but less oppressive. You listened to the waves roll in and out, tried to time your breathing to it, tried to feel the sand, warm and gritty beneath you. Your tears were drying in the hot sun and being replenished less and less. You took your hands back from Yoongi, holding his now, heavy over your heart, the weight of them pressing on your chest.  

“Do you want to talk about it?” Yoongi asked.  

“Sungbin ended things.” 

“Oh.” 

“Kind of. He didn’t want a relationship. I thought that’s what we had.” 

You couldn’t help your voice breaking, cracking, the wellspring in your eyes refreshing. You felt Yoongi shrug. 

“His loss.” 

“You don’t know him,” you said, voice wavering and lip wobbling.  

“I don’t have to. I know you.” 

Like a tap turned on, your tears began to flow again. You couldn’t take the weight of his kindness, the weight of what he had done for you, the weight of it in light of your misery and heartbreak, your depression and despair. Like a broken record, the same old thoughts wound around in your head, a kaleidoscope of the worst things you could think of yourself, the obligation to stay alive in spite of it all, the exhaustion of living.  

Yoongi tugged on your hand and sat up. 

“Come on,” he said. “Let’s walk.” 

Still crying, you stood up, brushed sand off yourself and let Yoongi lead you to the water’s edge. You pushed your toes into the wet sand, the waves rushing backwards and forwards, making you feel dizzy as the ground receded beneath your feet. You stepped in a little deeper and a little deeper still, until your arm was stretched, Yoongi still on the shoreline holding your hand. 

“I want to go deeper,” you told him. 

He shook his head. 

“You can’t get your bandages wet.” 

“Salt water is good for wounds.” 

He shook his head again and you had no choice but to comply.  

You walked along the shore, water splashing under your feet, the sea breeze just barely cooling against the sun beating down on you. You still wanted to walk into the sea and not come back out. You still wanted to go home and decay in your bed. But there was a tiny spark, somewhere, that felt a little bit alive, that could feel the air on your skin and sand in your toes and Yoongi’s hand in yours, that felt those things and a connection to the world, a tiny thread spinning out of you and into this place, this person. A grounding.  You hated it. You didn’t want it. You wanted to whisk yourself off the planet in a tempestuous pool of blood without the guilt, without the knowledge that other people here would notice your absence.  

Yoongi held your hand tighter. 

Yoongi let you hold his hand in yours all day, all the way home, even as he drove. He walked you up to your apartment and you stopped in your doorway when you saw Taehyung sitting on your sofa, face like thunder. 

“Oh- Teddy...” 

“Where have you been?” he asked, voice low. “You haven’t replied to any of my messages since yesterday morning. You haven’t even read them.” 

“I’ll leave you guys to it,” Yoongi said, dropping your hand and backing out. You turned to look at him and he looked back carefully. “You’ll be ok?” 

You nodded and watched him retreat all the way down the corridor.  

“Well?” Taehyung demanded as you shut your door and walked over to join him.  

You shrugged, as if nothing had happened. 

“Yoongi and I went to the beach.” 

“Don’t bullshit me.”  

There was a fire in his eyes that he was trying to subdue, trying to hide, but you knew him too well for that. You’d made him angry, too. Your stomach roiled with tension, your heartbeat skipping and racing. It wasn’t as if he didn’t know what you’d done in the past, but it had always been in the past or it had always been San who dealt with it in the present. It wasn’t the first time that you had fallen off and away from him, disappeared for a little while until he came and got you back, sweating and panting and raving with an irate worry that kept him watchful of you for days to come. It wasn’t the first time, which made it all the worse.  

“You can’t just go off-grid like that with no warning. Tell me what’s happened.” 

You curled yourself into a tight ball and gave him the shortest explanation you could. 

“Sungbin.” 

“Bad news?” 

You nodded. He sighed, all the fire extinguished, and pulled you into his lap. 

“I’m sorry, baby.” 

You couldn’t cope with any more kindness. The way he stroked your hair and placed soft kisses into it, the way he rubbed your back and held you tight, the way he hummed jazz ballads you didn’t know, filling the silence so you didn’t have to... Your tears had still not run dry; there they were again.  

For the second time in twenty-four hours, you fell asleep, face wet with tears, breathing jagged and unsteady, heart broken.  

You remained that way, in and out of tears, in and out of sleep, for a few days; you called in sick for work and Taehyung pleaded his case to work from home – yours. He made you leave the house every day; he made you eat; he made you shower. It was almost as if the preceding six months hadn’t happened. You had gone nowhere, learnt nothing, achieved nothing. You had been right the first time: no one wanted you and it didn’t get better.  

“That’s not true, y’know, princess,” Taehyung had replied when you’d told him that. “You’re not at square one at all. It might not feel like it now, but you’ve made progress. I promise you, this time it’ll be easier.” 

Your therapist said the same. She also tried to get you to see that it wasn’t about Sungbin, that Sungbin could have been anyone and you would have reacted the same way to their rejection. You reluctantly agreed that you had been right when you’d previously said you weren’t ready for a relationship—you weren’t and this proved it. But you were sick of being alone.  

And you were quickly sick of moping. Your frustration grew within you until you were nauseated by your own existence. You decided to do something radical for a change.  

“What’s kickin’, chicken?!” You fell heavily into your chair the following Wednesday. 

“What’s got into you?” 

You shrugged. A ridiculous brain worm that was forcing you to breeze past your catastrophe of a life and pretend everything was fine, that’s what had got into you, but you weren’t going to say that, because it would ruin the pretence. 

“Nothing. I’ve just decided to feel good. Sun’s shining and all that.” 

Taehyung hummed lightly.  

“Well, good.” 

“What are you doing this weekend? Want to go out?” 

“Out out?” 

“Yep!” 

You were going to be a girl about town, or something like that. You were going to kick up your heels or paint the town red or just do something, fucking anything, that could get you out of your head. Alcohol was always a good way to do that. Alcohol and loud music and too many bodies pressed up against each other.  

“I was going to see Hyunji-” 

“He can come, if he wants!” 

“Uh, yeah, ok, I’ll text him.” 

“It’s about time I met him properly anyway, babe; you’ve been gatekeeping him too long.” 

You might have been turning over a new leaf or something, but you still needed a hand to hold while you did it and Taehyung was the one who held it now.  

Hyunjin was as beautiful as you remembered. 

“You really are an obnoxiously attractive couple, you know that?” 

They looked at each other, Taehyung smirking, Hyunjin questioning, before grinning back at you with symmetrical shrugs. 

“Born this way, baby; it’s a hard life, but someone’s gotta live it!” 

You playfully shoved off Taehyung’s arm as he tried to wrap it around you and turned your attention to the bar. The first round was on you.  

The second round was yours, and yours only. 

And your third.  

The fourth was the point at which Taehyung stepped in and asked if you wanted to slow down. You didn’t. You assured him you were completely fine. Then you bought another drink.  

Finally drunk enough to dance, you slipped away from the two of them and moved into the mass of bodies on the dancefloor. It was much the same as any other: sticky floors littered with empty plastic cups; music you could feel beat through your bones; lights bright and hectic, spinning and flashing, making everyone’s face a blur, once there and the next second, gone; the bodies, hot and sticky and sweaty, pressed up against one another whether deliberately or not. You wanted to be one of them, become part of the writhing mass and lose yourself in it, if only for a little while.  

Someone caught your eye. Someone tall, and dark, and handsome; someone dancing just a little better than everyone else. Someone surrounded by a ring of women, all wanting his attention but not bold enough to go out and grab it.  

Fuck it, you thought, you’d had enough Dutch courage.  

You slid through gaps, between people, and moved closer to him, your hands reaching for his hips. He didn’t seem surprised; he grinned at you and you were disarmed by the cuteness of it. He held his hands over yours and pulled you closer, then he pushed your hands backwards onto your own hips, still under his. He guided you, moved you, and you let him, enjoying ceding control. His body moved smoothly and fluidly, far more than yours could, and it wasn’t long before you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulled your chest closer to his, and gave yourself up to the moment. Whatever would happen would happen and you would go with it. Wasn’t this what you wanted? Yes, it was. 

He wasn’t hesitant when he pulled back a little, when he faced you and leant in, bringing his lips to yours. The kiss was firm, sure, but not impatient, and you were the one to nip at his lower lip, to encourage his mouth open, to slip your tongue against his. His grip on you tightened, too hard now, digging in, ten little pressure points around your hips. Pressed so tightly against him, you could feel his body react, could feel but not hear the low groan that rumbled in his chest as you sucked on his tongue and raked your nails against his scalp. He broke your kiss and his mouth journeyed across your cheek to your ear. 

“Want to find somewhere more private?” 

Yes. That was exactly what you wanted. 

He seemed to know where he was going and pushed open a door marked ‘STAFF ONLY’. You didn’t care if he worked there or not, if you were allowed to be going through there or not. You only cared that your hand was still clutched in his. 

He pushed open another door and pulled you in, shutting the door behind you and then pushing you up against it, his hands either side of your head. 

“Seunghoon, by the way,” he said before kissing you, deep and hard, his tongue searching inside your mouth. 

You gave the only response you could: a quiet moan, just barely audible above the muffled beat of the distant dancefloor. As he moved his lips down your neck, you told him your name and he hummed against the skin of your neck. 

“Nice to meet you.” 

“Yeah, you too.” 

His hands were skirting the hem of your dress and you lifted it, shameless, unabashed. He fumbled with his belt and you cursed yourself for leaving your bag with Taehyung and Hyunjin. 

“Uh,” you began. “You have a condom, right?” 

“Of course.” 

He grinned at you and took his wallet from his back pocket. He extracted the small square of foil and handed it to you, while he unzipped. You had no idea it could be this easy. Taehyung’s words from months ago flashed in your mind; you should have done this months ago. He was right. ‘Go out in a short skirt, pull your underwear down, and away you go!’. Well, away you were going. You hadn’t even pulled your underwear down, just to the side. You had said you had more class than that, but now you didn’t. Now you didn’t want to. 

The pressure was hard as Seunghoon inched inside you, the pain of the stretch just enough to anchor you to your body, to feel the bleary buzz from the alcohol, the tingling in your fingers and toes you always got at this moment, Seunghoon’s warm, wet breath on your face, the tang of something sharp lingering there. You kissed him again, brought your hands to his face and ran them through his hair.  

“Fuck,” he growled against your lips. “You are fucking tight.” 

“Uh huh.”  

High-pitched and breathy because you were, a little too tight, but you wanted it so badly, wanted to feel him pressing against you, wanted to feel your walls mould to his contours. You had to. You had to feel this wanting, wanted, had to know that you were worth something, even if only this.  

He moved slowly, patiently, and the pain gave way to pleasure, your words and sounds less performative now. His hips were as smooth and fluid as they had been on the dancefloor, his lips as soft, his tongue as wet as he sucked bold, unembarrassed marks into your neck. You hadn’t really expected to enjoy it. You just wanted it as proof of something. It didn’t matter what it was, really, didn’t matter how it went as long as it happened. But Seunghoon was better than that and he took his hand between your bodies, pressed against your clit, moved his fingers slowly, timed with his thrusts. 

“Oh fuck,” you gasped, an out-of-reach orgasm suddenly seeming a whole lot closer. “Like that, please... Ah.” 

It was tantalising. You could feel your walls begin to squeeze; the tight, quivering tension in your legs spread down your thighs; you felt flushed and hot and shivery. You were about to give yourself over to it, as surprised as anyone that you got there, then Seunghoon groaned and shuddered and, with a few, final, hard thrusts, came inside you and it was gone.  

You sighed and Seunghoon withdrew, disappearing off into the darkness of the room to dispose of the condom (you didn’t ask where nor did you want to know) and you pushed your dress back down your legs. You didn’t know what was supposed to happen now; you hadn’t done this before. You weren’t expecting him to care, to be interested in you, to offer you anything more than you’d already got. You smoothed your dress and turned to open the door when he said your name. 

“You want a drink or something?” 

You turned and he smiled at you. 

“Sure.” 

But you didn’t make it to the bar. You were moving around the edge of the writhing mass when an arm grabbed you and stopped you in your tracks. 

“Where the fuck have you been?!” Taehyung shouted, but you still couldn’t quite hear him over the noise. He leant in closer and repeated his question. “We’ve been looking for you! Where did you go?!” 

You gestured vaguely towards the bar. 

“I’m fine, babe!” you answered, even though that hadn’t been the question. “I’m getting a drink!” 

There was another hand at your other elbow. Seunghoon had returned and was looking between the two of you. 

“Is he bothering you?” he asked, looking Taehyung up and down. 

Taehyung’s face darkened and he pulled you a little harder away from Seunghoon.  

“Who the fuck is this guy?” 

“Don’t worry! This is Teddy; he’s my friend! Teddy, this is Seunghoon.” 

Taehyung couldn’t hide his surprise and it stuck in you, this prickling feeling that said his surprise wasn’t because this behaviour was unlike you, but because it was unlike any man to show any interest in you. He was surprised not that you did it but that you managed to do it.  

Seunghoon visibly relaxed and extended a hand to Taehyung with a smile. Taehyung returned a frown and dragged you further still, so far in fact, that you were staggering, being pulled through the crowd. You shrugged at Seunghoon, called a light ‘sorry!’ to him before turning in the direction you were being led.  

“Hyunjin and I are going to head home; are you coming?”  

“No, thanks. I’m going to stay.” 

Taehyung chewed on the words in his mouth for a moment. 

“I think you should come home.” 

“I’m having fun.” 

“I don’t want to leave you on your own, love.” 

“I’m a grown woman, Teddy! I can take care of myself!”  

“I know you can, but I want you to come home with us. I want to know you’re ok!”  

His concern was grating on you, rubbing off your fake joie de vivre, cutting through this shiny surface to your miserable core. You didn’t want that, didn’t want to be cared for. You wanted to be wanted. Seunghoon wanted you, at least for tonight, at least for one more drink. That was what you wanted. But you’d been punctured now. The little balloon keeping your head held high was deflating. You shrugged, nodded, let him lead you outside to where Hyunjin was waiting with a taxi. 

* 

You made them drop you at your own apartment. The very last thing you wanted was to hear them having sex, to see them together in the morning, all bed-hair and sleepy smiles. You lay in your bed and ran the night over in your mind, replaying it, making sure it was secure there, that you would remember it, remember it exactly as it happened. That it had been that easy to walk up to someone and have them want you. That you were worth something after all. You fell asleep quickly, the memory of Seunghoon’s smile as he asked you for a drink the last thing you remembered.  

You repeated this experience weekly, sometimes more than weekly. It was a thing to look forward to, a bright spark in your dreary existence. That could have made you feel pathetic (it did), but you were still pushing all of that aside, trying not to engage with the part of your brain that said all those things to you. It was still there, yammering away, gnawing at you when you had a quiet moment or in the darkness of your bedroom as you tried to sleep.  

You didn’t bother telling your therapist because you didn’t want to hear what she had to say; you didn’t talk about it with Taehyung either. You could feel his eyes on you sometimes, hear his mind working on what to say to you, how to broach the topic. He had never known you single before San ended things; he had no prior experience to draw on to know if this was normal for you or not. You were happy to keep it that way.  

* 

You were lying on his sofa, groaning and whining in the midst of a thumping hangover.  

“I thought you had dinner with Yoongi yesterday?” Taehyung asked as he placed a hot, sweet, and milky coffee on the table in front of you. 

“I did,” you replied, your voice muffled in the cushions. “I went out after.” 

“Oh, you and Yoongi went out?” 

“No, just me.” 

You ignored his pause.  

“I feel like you’ve been doing that a lot recently, eh?” 

You shrugged.  

“Yoongi didn’t want to go out with you?” 

You shrugged again. 

“I didn’t ask.” 

Taehyung’s eyebrows reached his hairline. 

“Not a good wingman, huh?” 

You shrugged again. You hadn’t asked Yoongi to go out with you because you didn’t want him to come, to see what you were up to. You didn’t want him to witness that desperation. You didn’t know what he would think; you cared about what he thought. This was a new way of coping for you. Was it Yoongi’s, too? Did he behave like this? You would have guessed no. You felt pre-emptively judged for it, despite the fact that the only thing he’d ever made you feel judged for was your carelessness in the kitchen, and that was affectionate. This was your sordid, little secret. Semi-secret. 

“You’re being safe, though, aren’t you?” 

“Obviously. I’m not stupid.” 

“Just checking.” 

You could feel the bubble in your chest, rising in your throat, wanting to say more, wanting to let everything fall out of your mouth at breakneck speed in the way you always did. You wanted to say, look, I can be wanted! I’m fine and what I’m doing is fine because it’s what I want! You wanted to say, this was your idea in the first place! I’m going out and finding people to fuck—isn’t that what you said I should do? Well, I’m doing it! And it’s working! 

Maybe.  

You didn’t know if it was working. You didn’t know what it meant for it to work. You didn’t have a larger goal; every time, it was just to feel wanted for that one night. It was to show to yourself, again and again, that you could be. You supposed at some point that it would start to sink in, maybe the message would stick around beyond the moment you fell asleep; maybe you would wake up and still feel satisfied. Not yet, though. It hadn’t yet.  

“As long as it’s making you happy, babygirl.” 

Nothing made you happy. 

“Thanks for the coffee.”  

You sat up and took a sip, hoping that would be an end to it. Subject over.  

Against all odds, and despite the fact that it was the last thing you wanted, Yoongi was the one you ended up talking to about it.  

You were sitting on a stool at his kitchen counter while he cooked. You were hungover, so drinking only water. The weeks of your lonely, empty nights out were starting to wear on you. Where you had thought they would eventually make you feel fuller, they actually made you feel emptier. It left you a little hollower each time now. It was a little less fun, a little less satisfying—even if the sex was good. Which it often wasn’t.  

“Hey, babe, can I ask you something?” 

Yoongi turned from the stove to look at you. 

“Have you slept with anyone since you and your ex broke up?” 

His cheeks coloured. 

“You mean apart from you?” 

Your cheeks heated and you were grateful that he turned his attention back around and you only had to look at his back.  

“Yeah.” 

“No, I haven’t.” 

“Is that deliberate?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, are you deliberately not sleeping with anyone or are you like, dating, you want to sleep with people but it’s just, I don’t know, not working out?” 

He turned again, his face a frown of confusion. You were used to the way he didn’t answer immediately but he left it long enough this time, blinking, his eyes calculating, that you didn’t know if he would answer. Then he shrugged.  

“I haven’t really tried,” he said. “I’m not that-…” He shrugged again. “I’m not that interested right now.” 

You nodded. You didn’t have him pegged as the one-night stand type, though you weren’t sure why, given that he slept with his ex on their first date and you shortly after their break-up when you barely knew each other. Maybe it was just that you felt like he deserved more than that; your shallow, empty experiences were wearing you out and you didn’t want that for him. You didn’t want him to be hot and sweaty and inside a woman whom he would forget in the morning, who would forget him, too. You wanted him to have that making-love kind of sex that you had all but forgotten by now. That deep, slow intimacy, with nowhere else to be, indulgent and luxurious.  

You were losing yourself in the thought, in trying to remember what that was like, being held by someone, fucked by someone who loved you, the tiny soft touches, the slow kisses, the sweet, sparkling look in their eye. In contrast to that, your recent endeavours seemed nauseatingly cold. You were beginning to face up to the fact that their time—your time, with this useless, stupid, compulsive behaviour—was running out. 

You were so lost in thought that when Yoongi fired the question back at you, you answered before you could think. 

“Yeah, loads of people,” you said with a dejected sigh. “It’s depressing actually. I thought it was making me feel better, but I think I feel worse than ever. And I already knew it was a bad idea because I have not told my therapist about it. And that’s how you know! If you don’t want people to know what you’re doing, there’s a reason for that and the reason is usually: you should not be doing it.  

“It was fun at first. Really fun, actually. The sex was mediocre but it was a new thing for me; I hadn’t done the whole, one-night stand, hook-up, sex in a public bathroom thing before so it was novel and exciting and I was just so relieved that people weren’t disgusted by me, y’know? It sounds so ridiculous when I say it out loud now, which is why I haven’t, because I didn’t want it to be taken from me. I wanted to do something stupid and reckless and kind of fun – even though I knew it wasn’t right in the long-run – but now I’ve done it and I’m looking at myself and I feel like I need a shower. I thought I was proving to myself that I was worth something but I think I still feel completely worthless.” 

You were babbling, again, falling back so easily into the habit of letting everything fall out of your brain, straight onto the plate, raw and unfiltered and unknown to you before it was already in your mouth. You hadn’t meant to say any of it. You wished you could suck it back. Yoongi still had his back to you so at least you didn’t have to watch his face, see his reaction. You looked into your glass of water and wished it were wine. You took a gulp anyway. 

“Sorry, didn’t actually mean to say any of that!” You laughed awkwardly and sat up a little straighter. “It’s been my weird secret that’s not a secret. I think Teddy is dying to tell me off for it or give me a concerned lecture at least. Just wasn’t ready to hear any of it so I’ve avoided it. But, I don’t know... maybe now I need to be told or have it confirmed at least that, surprise surprise, this won‘t fix me. Surprise, it was all bad... 

“It’s not even that the sex was bad. Or well, a lot of it was. A real string of duds, actually, recently.” You hadn’t meant to start but now you couldn’t stop, not until it was all gone, purged, exorcised. “I thought it was just that. Bad sex is bad sex, of course it’s not going to be satisfying or make you feel good. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t my problems; it was just bad sex! But then this last guy? That was good. It was good. But it didn’t seem to matter how good I felt physically; the old, yawning chasm of misery was still there. Poor guy. Giving me his best moves and then, of course, because it’s me... I cried.” 

Yoongi choked slightly on his drink. 

“You cried during sex?” 

“No! No, after. Thank god. I was just really overwhelmed by how shit I felt, in contrast to how good the sex had been.” You snorted, rolling your eyes at yourself. “He was sweet about it, bless him. He was nice. That made me feel even worse. I could finally no longer delude myself that it was working or that I was enjoying myself. That shit is not what I want. What I want is a guy to be nice to me, especially nice, especially me, all the time, right? And he was being nice to me but I still felt so sick and empty.” You rolled your eyes again, hearing yourself saying all this out loud, facing your own stupidity. “Why is it that you do that? General ‘you’, I mean, people. You do things that you know aren’t good? You do things that don’t make you feel better? You know something is a bad idea and you do it anyway and then you go, oh, yeah, that was a really bad idea! It’s not just me, is it? I can’t be the only one.” 

“Of course it’s not just you.” His voice was gentle, no hint of reproach but the mildest titter of laughter. He moved around you, getting plates and bowls from the cupboard, moving between the kitchen and the dining table. “You know about my last relationship; wasn’t I doing the exact same thing? Didn’t make me feel better; I knew she wasn’t good for me; she made me miserable. Stayed with her anyway.” 

“Ugh,” you said with real feeling as you got off your stool and took a seat at the table. “Are we back to being broken-heart losers again? This sucks.” 

Yoongi laughed. 

“I think I told you at the time that you weren’t a loser and I wasn’t broken-hearted.”  

“So you’re a loser and I’m broken-hearted? … Yeah, that kind of tracks.” 

“Hey!” 

You smiled, grateful to him, as you often were. Always were. You felt like a huge weight had been lifted off you, that you’d told someone, that you’d spoken about it, that he understood. He always understood and that still surprised you. It shouldn’t have. It was Yoongi, after all. Yoongi was The One Who Understood, the one who got you. Whatever your souls were made of, that whole thing, that was you and Yoongi. You were one and the same. You wondered, not for the first time (and not for the last), what it was that put him in your path, or you in his. Baking, sure, but why then, why that class, why was the only space next to you? Why were you so craven in your desperation for his friendship? Why did he mean something to you when you knew nothing about him? You didn’t have the answers, probably never would, but you offered up a little thank you to the universe; you already didn’t know what you’d do or how you’d come this far without him.  

Chapter Five | Masterlist | Chapter Seven

taglist: @chimmisbae, @idkjustlovingbts @miriamxsworld, @amethystwritesbts, @quarter-life-crisis2, @tarahardcore, @simp47koreancrackheads, @xyahrinx

[magicverse-bad-sanses]

Intros, notes & milestones

Note: In my AU almost everyone is dating everyone, so the little married to/dating notes are just their main partner!

Milestones!

Ink: 10 Followers (Met)

3rr0r: 15 F0ll0w3rs (Met)

Blue: 25 Followers

Reaper: 35 Followers

Dream: 50 Followers

Fresh: 69 Followers

Color: 75 Followers

Ccino: 85 Followers

Fallen Star Sanses: 100 Followers

Risen Bad Sanses: 150 Followers

Medi: 200 Followers

Cae: 250 Followers

Yusebi: 300 Followers

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