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crystallizedkingdoms · 7 months

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chimerical

chimerical /kɪˈmɛɹɪkəl/ • adjective Alex takes Rory out on a nice Valentine’s Day date. Rory has some conflicted feelings along the way.

wc: 4,171

you can also read this on ao3 <3

Rory thinks he must be dreaming when he sees Alex in front of his doorway.

The frosty morning sun shines extra bright against Alex’s figure. Its rays catch his red hair and frame his face almost too perfect, and they paint his light brown eyes a softer colour than usual. He hunches awkwardly on himself, hugging his winter coat closer to his body to keep himself warm as the wind blows past him. Rory takes in the sight of him, standing awkwardly in his pajamas without moving. A rush of that same cold wind slinks into the doorframe and Rory shivers, the only sign of movement between them.

“…Hey, Rory. Are you gonna let me in or do you like watching me freeze to death?” Alex finally asks, his voice more stilted than usual.

Rory snaps himself out of his stunned daze, muttering, “Shit, yeah. Come in and shut the door behind you.” He backs away from the open door and descends the stairs, towards his basement room. He listens as Alex steps into the house, the click of the door behind him, and the subsequent footsteps down the stairs.

“Why are you here?” Rory asks, a little more blunt than he intended. He turns in the middle of his room to look back at Alex, who hasn’t removed his coat like he usually does as soon as he’s out of the stairwell. “It’s so early. I told you not to come here without calling me, you know— you know how my mom gets.”

Alex’s eyebrows furrow in response. He plays with the buttons on the cuff of his coat, doesn’t dare step too far away from the door, and it strikes Rory how anxious he looks. “Look, man, just get ready, won’t you?”

Rory backs up to sit on the dryer, but then he processes Alex’s words. “Get ready? For what?”

“I— come on, do I have to say it out loud?”

Rory raises a brow. “If you want me to know what you’re talking about, uh, yeah?” he says. “You can’t just show up on my doorstep for no reason and tell me I have to get ready for something I have no clue about.”

Alex rubs the back of his neck and looks around, as if anyone other than the two of them could possibly be hearing this conversation. His eyes flicker away each time Rory tries to make eye contact, and his fidgeting increases tenfold. “Okay. I still can’t tell if you’re fucking with me… Ugh, fine! You win,” he sighs.

“You sound like you’re proposing to me.”

“If this is how you think proposals go, I am seriously scared of any married people you know,” Alex cringes. He shakes his head. “But no, even worse.”

Alex gathers the courage and meets Rory’s eyes. That too-soft glimmer his eyes have this morning seems brighter than ever, and for a moment, Rory bites his lip in fear. He expects the worst. An emergency, maybe? No, he wouldn’t be joking like this, right? Maybe he’s missing something. What’s he forgetting? A birthday, a friend meetup, a…

“Let’s go out together for Valentine’s?” Alex asks.

Rory’s heart stops. “Valen— what?!”

“Yeah. Valentine’s Day. February 14th. Does that ring any bells?”

“Okay, shut up. That’s today?” Rory pushes off the dryer and paces around his room. “Fuck. I forgot, I— How did you remember?” he asks through laboured breaths, his eyes searching Alex’s with a wild frenzy growing in his movements.

Alex falls back to avoiding eye contact. His eyes dart to the side and he continues rubbing the back of his neck, like the motion could wash the awkwardness off of him. “Don’t give it too much thought, all right? Jeez. Just, get dressed, okay?”

Rory throws himself onto his knees by the side of his bed and reaches underneath his bed. He pulls the box of hastily folded clothes out of the crevice, and though he does not turn back to see it himself, he can practically feel the grimace on the face of his boyfriend who actually has drawers. “Where are you taking me? Oh god. Don’t tell me it’s some fancy place in Frankton. I think all my nice stuff is in my dad’s room,” Rory says while rummaging through his clothes.

“Hah! Fancy in Frankton. I wish. Don’t think too much about it, just something nice and warm. It’s snowing out there and the bus ride was hell,” Alex assures. He rubs his trembling hands together to prove a point.

Rory sighs, but starts looking for some warmer clothing, per Alex’s advice. “Nice and warm. Got it. You still haven’t answered, though. Where are we going?”

“Dude, have you ever heard of a surprise?”

“Actually, no. Enlighten me.”

Alex huffs out through his nose out of annoyance and Rory can’t help himself from smiling. How quick he loses his composure in the face of dumb teasing.

“It is in Frankton, though, right?”

“Okay, yes. There. You’ve narrowed it down.”

Rory picks out the warmest clothing he can find and recalls a jacket he has stuffed in the corner next to the door, and he’s set. He takes the clothing into his arms and stumbles back onto his feet. “I’ll change now,” he says, placing everything on the bed in front of him.

“Okay,” Alex nods.

Rory reaches and pulls his pajama shirt off of him. He sighs when he doesn’t hear the door open. “Go stand outside on the stairs, Alex,” he asks. It sounds more like a demand.

Alex rolls his eyes without saying anything. Rory doesn’t need to see it to hold back an annoyed sigh. “I know what you’re thinking. I don’t care. Out.”

“Fine, fine! Sorry,” Alex scoffs, but he steps out of the room without any more prodding. As Rory changes out of his sleepwear into his warm clothing, wonders how on earth Alex managed to actually listen to him so easily. Must be Valentine’s causing a change of heart. Good to actually be listened to for a day.

But, no, come on— Rory shakes away that thought. He’s trying, at least. Better than what you’ve done so far, he chastises himself. He bats away his usual snarky comments that live in his head, and he’s almost got them out completely when he throws his jacket on and opens his bedroom doorway.

Alex is a couple of steps up the stairwell, kicking the wall with the toe of his shoe when he hears the door open. His eyes sweep across Rory’s body as they always do, picking and analyzing every part of what he sees. What does he think about the coat, old and worn yet unimaginably warm, covering his usual striped sweater? What does he make of his frayed gloves, his knitted beanie? Rory tells himself he shouldn’t care. Any fucking comment Alex says to him he can always ignore, just like always. It’s what he’s used to—

“Lookin’ good,” Alex says with a grin. It’s a genuine grin, soft lips looking more gentle than Rory’s ever seen them. And, despite himself, Rory’s heart thunders in his chest the minute he hears those words. Looking… good?

Right. Of course. They’re dating. Why is he surprised? It’s not that rare that Alex compliments him without some kind of tone. Just take it, he thinks. He squeezes past Alex on the steps, moving up towards the exit. “Thanks. You’re not so bad yourself,” he mutters. Alex laughs behind him as he follows Rory up to the exit. It’s cute. Yeah, cute is the word for it.

When Rory steps out of his home, the chill does not wait one second to descend upon him. He bites his lip and shivers underneath his layers, and prays it won’t get any worse than this. “It better not be any outdoor activity,” he says, eyeing Alex.

“Really?” Alex asks. His tone is flat and Rory already knows what snark he’s going to throw his way. “You think I’m the one to suggest an outdoor date? As if.”

“This is already kind of crazy for you to do, so maybe you have some other stuff up your sleeve. I don’t know.”

“Crazy?” Alex says that word like he’s been confronted with life’s greatest mystery. He starts walking away from Rory’s house, towards the exit of Wind Town. Rory falls into step right beside him. Their bodies are close, but not too close; their hands don’t quite brush each other’s. “What’s crazy about taking you out?”

Everything.

“It’s just been a while, that’s all. You know what I mean,” Rory mumbles under his breath, which turns to vapour right in front of him.

Alex does not reply. They walk in silence, vapour puffing and dissipating in tandem as they get further and further away from Wind Town. Rory’s unsure what to take from this silence; did he go too far, pointing out that obvious fact? Is he ruining the first good thing they’re doing together already? Fuck, he’s already ruining his own mood, having thoughts like these when they haven’t even made it to the bus stop.

“…I’m sorry about that,” Alex says.

Rory looks at Alex from the corner of his eye.

“Seriously, man, I— I know it shouldn’t have taken this long. But, let’s try to enjoy this? It’s kind of the perfect day to do exactly that.”

Rory looks down at his feet. They crunch perfectly soft snow with every footstep. “Yeah,” he gives in. “Of course. Let’s enjoy this.”

Alex smiles. Rory doesn’t need to look at him to know he is. “Hah, good.”

Their hands almost brush, but they don’t. Yeah. Good.

—

Rory and Alex sit on the bus right next to each other. Alex has lapsed into some passionate rant about difficult books Rory has never read and likely won’t for a few months, but he half-listens, anyway. He watches the world pass by as Frankton gets closer and closer. Their date, wherever it may be, gets closer and closer.

Snow whirls past his vision, and Rory gets so engrossed in watching them that his half-listening falters. All his eyes can focus on is the snowflakes that zip by, or the ones that land and melt on the public transit window. It’s a strange, almost childlike thing to fixate on, but Rory would rather lose his focus on the delicate patterns of snowflakes than dwell on his previous thoughts.

It’s a good activity. He sits there, facing the window, unbothered by the need to make eye contact, or talk much other than the vague ‘uh-huh’ in Alex’s direction at the right moment. It lets him sit in sweet serenity, a calm before whatever storm Alex could have in store for him. A good storm, mind you. Even at his most pessimistic, Rory doesn’t think Alex is that terrible at planning dates.

At some point Rory gets so lost in the simplicity of it all, watching the snow fall and melt in predictable ways, that he doesn’t realize Alex has stopped talking. He doesn’t pay attention when Alex shifts in his seat, nor could he possibly notice how his eyes don’t dart around the bus like they usually do when he goes to make this move. Rory hardly feels something slip into his hand until it suddenly squeezes around his gloved fingers tightly.

Rory’s head whips around when he feels it. His eyes land on the affected hand, and his chest tightens when he sees exactly what he wishes for: Alex holding his hand.

Rory swallows thickly. Alex never makes the first move in public, he recalls. His gaze darts around, trying to see if there was anyone in their vicinity who could witness such an event. And there is. People sit on the bus seats right across from them, and Rory can hear the chatter of people behind and in front of them. There are people who could see them, a public eye that Alex has always shunned them from. So, why all of a sudden…?

Rory’s eyes fall into Alex’s. Eyes as soft as snow meet his, and he gives that awkward half-grin that Rory embarrassingly can’t get enough of. Alex doesn’t speak, so neither does Rory. Instead, they hold each other’s hands tight enough to make them warm, but not enough to bruise. Rory’s gotten too used to that kind of bruise.

The snow no longer interests Rory. He shifts his body away from the window and closer to Alex, closer to Frankton, closer to their date. Rory blushes. Rory waits.

—

“A coffee date?”

They’re standing right outside of the café door when Rory asks that question, disbelief steeped in his voice. Alex scratches at his beard sheepishly (with his free hand— Rory can’t believe that they’re still holding hands) and asks, “What? Too cheesy?”

“Honestly, a little cheesy,” Rory admits. He couldn’t help but stare at the tacky Valentine’s heart decorations strung up on the various windows of Frankton’s shops as they walked here, but this one took the cake for the most tacky. Which, really, it's a café. Probably the most befitting of going all out on the Valentine’s decorations that wasn’t at-home dinner. But when Alex shifts his weight on his feet and stuffs his ungloved hand into his coat pocket, Rory quickly adds, “Not that that’s bad. It’s, uh, really not. I dig it.”

“Oh, thank god,” Alex releases a sigh of relief. He pulls his hand out of his pocket and reaches for the café door. “This place is pretty new, but obviously not very fancy. So, you didn’t have to freak out about the clothes earlier.”

“I didn’t freak out! I had no clue about anything.”

“Yeah, right,” Alex scoffs. He swings open the door and lets Rory’s hand go. He’s opening the door for me, Rory realizes only when he’s halfway through the establishment, anyway. What the fuck?

Rory thinks Alex is going to make some kind of joke about it. A sarcastic jab, a tease, even just a self-acknowledging laugh, anything. But Alex drags them towards a nearby empty table, one that isn’t already occupied by a cutesy couple showing way too much PDA, and has them sit down before Rory can think properly.

“Coffee. How do you like yours again?” Alex asks before Rory has time to process much else.

“Oh. Uh. Black?”

“Jesus, you have black coffee on a coffee date?”

“Oh, sorry, I don’t exactly know what most people have on coffee dates. On account of never having been asked out on one before.”

“Something sweet, man. We get some free dessert too if that changes anything. Valentine’s special and all that.”

“Fine. Cappuccino or whatever the hell,” Rory waves him off.

Alex rubs his face in exaggerated frustration. “Don’t act like you’re too good to know the coffee names,” he replies.

“Not all of us skipped college classes standing in line and staring at menus instead of doing work at coffee places, Alex.”

“Okay, okay, fine,” he sighs and sits up from his chair. “Christ, you’re good at talking when you want to.”

Rory watches Alex as he bounds up to the counter with their order. He didn’t get the chance to ask Alex what dessert they might have, but he finds that he doesn’t really mind anything. Although Rory hasn’t eaten breakfast yet, his appetite seems to have left at Wind Town. Alex is right, however— something sweet did sound nice to Rory in this gentle moment.

Sitting right next to the café’s windows, Rory’s eyes are brought back to the outside world. The snowfall has picked up slightly, with a stinging wind carrying swirls of snowflakes right off the ground and carrying them to some faraway land where everything is nicer and sweeter and softer. It’s soft, too soft. Rory’s not sure why he thinks about that when he sees snow. He’s not sure why now, of all days, he thinks of softer things.

Was it just Rory, or did the snow seem almost too soft? Did it almost look too perfect? Surely, that must be why he is so focused on it, right? It’s out of place. It’s not how it usually looks, in its dirty, slushy form it usually takes around this time. It’s nice, though. He should like that. Rory likes it, he thinks.

“Hey, you’re staring into space again.”

Rory doesn’t whip his head around this time. He calmly looks at Alex, who sits in front of him again. In front of Rory, there’s his cappuccino, hot and certainly sweeter than Rory usually takes it. In front of Alex is what Rory can only guess as something way sweeter than a cappuccino, given how Alex dumps in his packets of sugar without a care in the world. Right in between their cups of coffee is a plate that holds two small red cupcakes. Red velvet or red-dyed chocolate, Rory can’t tell.

Rory puts only one packet of sugar in the cappuccino he’s given. He stirs his drink, watches the grains of sugar disappear right in front of him, then takes a small sip of it. He sees Alex do the same thing at the exact same thing. It’s sweet, too sweet. Rory expects himself to cringe, but he doesn’t. It’s a little pleasant, really. Rory likes it, he thinks.

“You know, I really like coffee in the winter,” Alex says out of the blue. “It warms me. In that special way. And, um, I’ve been thinking about how I want to share that feeling with you. That’s why I decided to take you here, actually. If you were wondering.”

Rory flashes a small, but distinctly amused smile. He tries not to delight in how such a small facial gesture makes Alex’s light up significantly. “I was wondering, yeah. That’s… really nice. And cute,” he says. Alex blushes and stumbles over his words, blustering about calling him cute or anything, and Rory feels a pinprick of relief that, Thank god, he still acts this way when I call him that.

But then those thoughts come back in an instant. Those insistent, almost cruel thoughts. Why is Alex acting this way? Yes, it’s Valentine’s, that is a fact that is hard to forget as they sit in a heart-riddled café for a date. Yet when Rory looks at the softness in Alex’s eyes, the gentleness in the hands that held his, Rory can’t help but wonder, It’s so much, and so soon.

Rory grips his cup tightly. It’s warm, just like Alex said it was. He feels that warmth slide down his throat with every sip, but it never feels that warm when it finally sits. “Hey, Alex?” Rory pipes up.

Alex blinks, interrupted from… what was he talking about again? “Yeah?” he asks.

“Can we go to your place for breakfast? The coffee and dessert are nice and all, don’t get me wrong. I can stay here for a while. But, you know, I haven’t—”

“Eaten yet. Yeah, fuck, I totally forgot about that. Yes, we can go to my place,” Alex assures, then groans at his own stupidity. “Shit, man. I’m sorry.”

Rory stares at Alex with blank eyes. He leans back in his chair and blinks at him, going over his words. Over and over and over. If Alex notices this shift, he doesn’t mention it. He just goes back to his coffee, and hell, he even takes a bite from his cupcake. It’s soft and it’s sweet. Alex is nice.

Too nice.

“Is this real?”

The question slips out of Rory’s mouth without him thinking. Alex cocks his head to the side in confusion. “What? Is this that good a date?” Alex asks in a joking tone.

“You’re acting really differently. Like, really different,” Rory says.

Alex frowns. It’s so sad-looking, painstakingly crafted to make Rory feel bad about what he’s saying. “I don’t know what you mean,” Alex sighs. He sounds more unsure, anxious even.

“This feels so nice. I feel really happy right now. I feel warm.”

“Are you saying I don’t usually make you feel that way?”

Rory shakes his head way too hard, way too quickly. “No, no. Not like that. I do feel those things. But, um, in a different way. You know what I mean?”

“I don’t think I do,” Alex says. He’s fidgeting with the small spoon and stirs it in his half-drunk coffee.

“What I mean is, we do things differently. You’re subtler than this. You’re less openly affectionate. You’re, uh, you’re less nice.”

“Rory, what are you talking about? What is giving you this impress—”

“You’ve apologized to me three times over the course of a morning,” Rory snaps. He spits out the words faster than Alex can react to them or use them to interrupt Rory. “You usually go through weeks without even muttering that word.”

The two of them sit with that for a minute or two. A minute or two that Rory comes to deeply regret. Oh, why did he have to bring it up? Why shatter this one good day that Alex brought him? So what if it was strange, so what if it was different than usual? It is better than their usual, is it not? Did Rory prefer the stilted dinners, the swatting of hands in public, the uniquely cold affection Alex tosses him now and then?

Rory thinks of breaking the silence. He formulates an apology, how it must be the hunger talking, or the depressive doubts that cloud his mind. Anything Rory can blame other than his own conscious thoughts. It’s Alex, however, who asks, “And if it isn’t real?”

The question catches Rory off guard. “Huh?”

“If this isn’t real, why not enjoy it?”

“I…”

“For the record, I am real,” Alex reassures with an awkward smile. “At least, as much as we can ever think we are. And I’ll be honest, I don’t like what you’re insinuating. Because I am trying— really trying— to be even a little bit better. Okay? Is that what you want to hear? Haha, I actually have to try and be a decent boyfriend for one whole day, get out of my comfort zone, and that’s enough for you to think you’re in some other reality or something?”

Rory sucks in a breath. His nerves calm down enough that he sits upright in his seat again. He tries not to think about how Alex talking him down like this has become comforting. Familiar.

“I want to have a nice Valentine’s Day with you, Rory. I want…” Alex’s eyes flicker to the side, and he sounds a little choked, his voice getting louder, “I want to have a nice relationship with you. As rocky as it started. As rocky as it still is. I want to do better.

“But even if I wasn’t. Even if this wasn’t real, whatever that means… can’t you just let us enjoy this? Please, Rory?”

Rory hates it when this happens, but Alex is right. He takes another sip of coffee and lets the too-sweet liquid warm his throat and chill his body. He should be enjoying this. “Yeah,” Rory breathes out. “Yeah. I’m sorry, Alex. I don’t know what got over me, I…”

“That doesn’t matter,” Alex says. He lays his hand flat on the table and Rory grabs it without hesitation. Neither of them take that cursory glance around their surroundings to stop themselves. “Seriously. We can talk about all the serious shit another day. Let’s just forget this happened, okay? Pretend it’s all okay.”

Neither of them says it, but Rory knows they’re both thinking it. We’re good at that.

“Sounds good to me,” Rory says. He puts his cup of coffee down on its platter and squeezes Alex’s hand harder. “Sounds… good.”

Alex smiles with soft lips. He stares at Rory with soft eyes. A warmth the coffee can’t give him stirs in his chest, urging him to act, urging him to indulge. What’s a little indulgence?

Rory sits up in his seat. He leans over the café table and he knows exactly how he looks right now and he can’t decide if it makes him sick or giddy. He catches Alex realizing what’s happening, and he expects something awful, something normal. He expects Alex to look around nervously, laugh like it’s some kind of joke, ask him hypocritically, What the fuck are you doing?

Alex takes the kiss. He takes it, even with how difficult the position makes it. He takes it perfectly, like it was made to be in this reality. Rory pulls away only a few seconds after their lips connect, but it’s enough that his lips already burn with a blooming heat that matches the one in his chest. Rory sits back down like nothing happened, but Alex has a stupid smirk on his face, barely holding back a comment.

“I love you, Rory,” Alex whispers. Too soft, too sweet, too nice.

Rory thinks he must be dreaming.

“I love you too, Alex,” Rory says. Real and imaginary.

He doesn’t care either way.

#yiik #yiik: a postmodern rpg #alex yiik #alex eggleston #rory mancer #roralex #happy (late) valentines #my writing

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wherespaulo · 1 year

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Hiking in New Zealand’s South Island

Feb 11-18, 2023

I’d booked a trail racing week with Race2Adventure in New Zealand’s South Island so thought I’d do a week’s hiking and exploring first. I’d already just spent two weeks traveling around Australia so was almost in the right time zone. The last time I’d been in the South Island was over the New Year between 2014 and 2015 although I’d been in the north island more recently in 2017.

As on my previous visit to New Zealand’s South Island, I was immediately mesmerized by its beauty – a wilderness of glaciers, beech forests and alpine lakes, only the south coast of Iceland, another volcanic island, coming close. It’s easy to get blasé once you’ve been there a few days but make no mistake, mere words will never convey the shear magnificence of this place. I’d live there if it wasn’t so far away from everywhere else.

My plan was to stay in Queenstown, rent a car and drive to the trailheads, while my hotel, the Holiday Inn, Frankton Road, was two miles from the town center, so some evenings I’d bus it in for dinner, other times I’d walk. Queenstown, with its low rise buildings surrounded by vistas of lakes and mountains in every direction, is one of my all-time favorite towns. It has the feel of a frontier town, bustling with restaurants and bars but unfortunately seems to have grown exponentially over just eight years since my last visit in 2014/15 – I sincerely hoped they were starting to apply the brakes on any further significant development. Pog Mahones, a friendly Irish bar with live music, became my go-to place for dinner and its fine Irish fayre.

In between hiking the Big Hill Walkway, the Big Hill Loop and the Master’s Traverse Loop I explored a number of interesting small lakeside towns -- the drives alone were worth it for the panoramic views. Arrowtown was one of my favorites and I’d be here a few times during the week. A quaint old low level gold rush town like something out of the wild west. Settled from 1862 with the first discovery of gold in the Arrow River, a number of Chinese arrived shortly after. Wanaka, last visited on my 2014/15 trip, is a bustling ski and summer resort town on the shore of Lake Wanaka. It seemed every kind of outdoorsy adventure activity was going on here. I did start to wonder where the eight years had gone since my last visit there, and mused that although Wanaka had not changed much, in many ways my journey had. On the shore of Lake Wakatipu the much smaller towns of Glenorchy, famous for its Lord of the Rings filming locations, and Kingston, most notable for its renovated steam railway and station, were also worthwhile detours for a quick visit.

Big Hill Walkway

Normally an 8.8 mile out and back from Arrowtown, up and down, I extended it a tad by including the final ascent to the Big Hill summit at 3730 ft elevation.

My favorite part was the mountain beach woodland – located about halfway to the summit, it extended for about a mile on a level section of the trail.

Dark, dense, silent and mysterious with reddy colored bark and a mildly funky smell from the soft carpet of decaying leaves underfoot, there seemed to be magic about in here. Indeed, on the return leg through the wood, a New Zealand fantail seemed intent on getting my attention – a native, small black and white bird with an oversized fanned tail, it futtered around my head with a persistence about it, a sense of urgency. I’m always on the lookout for signposts from the connected universe and attempted to understand its purpose, but to no avail.

Big Hill Loop

The first 4.6 miles of this 10.7 mile clockwise loop followed the Big Hill Walkway route to the summit of Big Hill.

Then a one mile open meadowland section along a ridge with amazing views followed by a 1.5 mile steep downhill to the Arrow River.

The last 3.3 miles, which followed the Arrow River back to Arrowtown, started in the upper reaches as a narrow stream in a small, steep craggy valley where I had to constantly fight my way through spikey bushes which scratched my arms and legs. As the river started to level out and widen there was a chance to cool my feet down in numerous shallow river crossings before a final section high up alongside an enormous gorge leading back in to Arrowtown.

Masters Traverse Loop

Normally a 7.3 mile anticlockwise loop from the Remarkable’s Ski Area, crisscrossing a 7000 foot mountain, I had to extend it by five miles due to the top 2.5 miles of road to and from the ski area being closed due to repairs.

Once on the ridge after a long, steep climb, the trail followed an ill-defined track along the top of a fine line of scree, no more than a faint outline of dust left by fellow crazies, just below the rocky outcrop at the very top of the mountain. I envisioned putting a foot wrong, sliding down the scree and off the steep cliff just below, and wondered how long it would take for someone to find me given the lack of other souls up here. At some point the track seemed to disappear, even my All Trails app not helping, and for some inexplicable reason I started to scramble up the rocky outcrop, almost to the very top of the mountain! Under normal circumstances I don’t consider myself afraid of heights but the close proximity to the sheer drop, just beyond the slippery scree, made my hold on life seem tenuous. I felt very exposed, clinging to terra firma for dear life on all fours. I’ve realized over the years that in situations like this I seem to have some kind of intuitive early warning signal that stops me taking one more step before getting into a much more serious situation. So I did stop and take a deep breath. Then the only sounds in this thin air were the tinkling of falling rocks under my feet, my heavy breathing and mantras spoken out-loud to stop myself making a mistake or freezing -- ‘stay focused Paul, stay focused Paul, stay focused Paul’ and ‘fuck, fuck, fuuuuuuuck’! And, as always, the universe immediately spoke and pointed me in the right direction, the trail magically materializing as a thin line in the scree 20 feet below.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I scrambled back down to it, thinking there’s a parallel with life here – yeah, live life to the full and go headlong into the lion’s mouth by all means, but always stay alert to squeezing the brakes if and when needed.

The scary ridge was followed by a time consuming, gradual two mile descent through a vast bolder field – rocks between five and 15 feet in diameter were generally too large to jump over so required much scrambling around and over them. I wondered when it would end and remembered thinking this is the very first hike I’d ever experienced where it seemed impossible to estimate the time it would take.

The bolder field gradually gave way to a lower lying area where silence surrounded a still turquoise lake. Bounded by a grassy meadow it was a rare moment of serenity within the midst of the soaring, wild grey rocky landscape.

Just after spotting some rare wildlife, a pair of colorful, mating native paradise shelducks, I bumped into the only other humans crazy enough to hike in this area – two 20 something seasonal workers, Tom from Hungary and Christian from Argentina. They didn’t fancy walking the 10 miles back from whence they’d come, so, with my car being a bit nearer, we agreed to walk back to my car together, then I’d give them a lift back to their car. I was grateful for some fast company as we raced over yet another bolder field, bouncing from the top of one bolder to another back to the saddle of the ridge.

I was now on my way to do a week of trail racing on the island with the Race2Adenture crew, but I knew I’d be back sometime soon for some more extra serious hiking in these magnificent mountains.

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