#Full and utter love for this
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I have the most inappropriate things to say about this photo
#i think i hauve covid#at the very least i’m eight months pregnant as of a few seconds ago#i don’t even need a pregnancy test i know just by looking at him#my brain is so full of thoughts right now#for example: how is?? he so sexy while so covered up???#like relatively there’s not that much skin showing#AND YET#no shirtless / naked man has ever been sexier than this#i really do love that maximus is not overly exposed throughout the movie#(1) it allows me to breathe properly (2) it lets him keep some of his dignity (3) it lets me imagine what’s not being showcased hehe#like. in a way it just fits his character so well#his body is for his wife’s eyes only and i like that even the film reflects that#btw i’m his wife he’s doing that for me#i’m TWITCHING AND WRITHING imagining being the one woman on earth he’d show himself to#the one woman he trusts with his body and his heart I WOULD NEVER RECOVER I SWEAR#it’s unearthly not only how fine he is but how his very existence drives me to bacchic madness#the intense eyes the kissable lips the golden skin I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE#i should be pinned under him covering him in kisses and moaning his name like the slutty little parrot i am#maximus you majestic eagle of a man#you gorgeous mountain of a man#i can’t even look at him directly it’s like gazing into the burning heat of the sun#when will it be my turn to bear him a son#when will it be my turn to be gazed upon with utter love and trust and fulfillment by the man my heart desires above all#also when will it be my turn to LICK his shoulders and chest and arms and neck etc etc#gladiator#maximus#maximus decimus meridius#gladiator 2000#russell crowe
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That "least favorite companion" post I referenced earlier today keeps haunting me.
Because... well, it was obvious that many would say Oghren. I expected many to have said Oghren.
But it still makes me a little bit sad just how much of Oghren's depth and potential was lost by him being written as a "comic relief" character that both fell flat, and aged poorly.
I remember, the first time I played Origins when I was like 17-18, I was a bit put off by him immediately: he reminded me of people I knew in real life, and were not people I liked, or was proud to know. I was a little disappointed that I'd have to have him in my party for the last part of "Paragon of Her Kind". But that short little scene, where he first steps out under the open sky...
That scene, I still think about regularly.
The moment he casts off his caste, the last thing he still genuinely had. When he first looks up at the sky, and realizes just how vast and open it is. When he takes that step he knows would mean that he can never go back.
That tiny little scene, less than a minute long, made not just him, but my own Aeducan click for me immediately.
Because Oghren is a clear failure of the caste system. Or better said, a failure of dwarven society, really.
He's a castoff, a reject, a lost cause: a once respected warrior, a famed dwarven berserker and husband to a Paragon, who fell through the cracks because he fell out of his house's favor.
Because he got hit hard by his wife and his whole family leaving him behind. Because he got too hard to deal with, too embarrassing.
So under the carpet he went, in both his own mind and everyone else's.
Oghren's, is... an ordinary tragedy. A story of an everyday struggle for men like him (lonely, middle aged, depressed), with feelings that are quietly shoved to the side, joked about, tamped down by both him, and the people around him- and him not being “likeable”, well... isn't that just the way it usually is? People who are suffering are sometimes genuinely not good people.
And despite his best efforts, I can't bring myself to dislike him. I don't like having him in my party because I don't find him funny like he was clearly intended to be, and a lot of his dialogue, I find deeply frustrating and off-putting (in Origins and Awakening alike), but... I can't bring myself to dislike him.
I just... feel sad for him, more than anything else. Because in a few rare moments, there is loyalty. There's honor. Care. Sadness. Even humor when it's allowed to be there, beneath the very 2009 "sexual harassment is totally funny you guys".
There is a lot to talk about regarding Oghren, starting with mental health, and ending with the typical dwarven mentality being to cut ties with what they perceive to be lost causes (which also goes for Kal-Sharok, really), but... I can't shake this feeling that had he been written a few years later, with a touch slightly more careful than the ones with which he was originally handled, he could have been so much more.
..... Though I suppose there's some poetic irony in how the character who was let down by his people would also be one that was let down by his time.
#dragon age#squirrel plays dragon age#oghren#this is of course not about his writers; i know jay turner sheryl chee and mary kirby all had their hands on him#and all of these people have also written excellent characters i love with my whole heart#i just think it's about.... well; 2009#there were quite a few jokes and lines in origins that aged poorly#and oghren just had the dubious honor of uttering quite a few of them#..... also side note; I didn't know Steve Blum was both Oghren's and Gorim's VA#I totally thought it was Brian Bloom#i can see where my confusion came from though; they do similar voices and i tend to remember VAs by their full- or last names#Blum-Bloom; I get why I got it mixed up#i guess I assumed that they just got Bloom to do all the minor dwarf dudes because Leske in the Brosca Origin was also his#weird of me that i personally find him more sympathetic than Fenris; i know; but. well. i have thoughts on that
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I don't think Erik would EVER call Charles Charlie and certainly not Chuck. Genderbent cherik however.... Erika ALWAYS calls Charlotte Charlie. Unless. Sadness & drama 💔
she's gonna pull out charlottes whole government name in an argument 😔 before throwing a car or somn 😔
#snap chats#Charlotte Francesca Xavier or somn ...... thats how you know the divorce is real ....#utter sidenote not at all related i love how rogue Full name Drops People. sorry i just thought of the panels where she does that...#anyways i gonna go counteract this potential lead poisoning with seltzer and then ima finally work fjaLKJ#i accidentally took a nap which Probably Needed but still 😔
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is that a promise, Kathani Sharma?
#Bridgerton#Anthony Bridgerton#Kate Sharma#kanthony#there is just something about the way he says her full name with such reverence#like the whole love confession/proposal scene is god tier#but this line in particular is sooooo#the utter chokehold they have on me
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week been so terribly, terribly difficult I’m listening to Rises The Moon and Time Adventure. Sky COTL ambience. fuck
#we all need to Breathe. just exist for a bit I think#I don’t think I’ve seen everything so badly and grandly in a state of utter chaos and mourning#man. a heart full of love is one easily shattered
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i love my life and i enjoy being alive
#creature speaks#things my 14yo self thought we would never be able to say#i am so lucky to have my husband and my girlfriend.#i wake up at 5am and i feel sleepy but i dont feel full of utter dread#i have passions and aspirations and i have days that i consider to be perfect#i feel so comfortably in love and even though i was sick for the past week i feel so good
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I like to imagine that Plutarch, once all the horrible things had gone down and all that suffering had fallen upon the rebels in the 50th games that he'd managed to 100% avoid himself, he climbed into bed at night and found out that Lou Lou's big ass snake was in there with him.
In this scenario, Plutarch is afraid of snakes.
I want him to suffer, even if it's just a little bit.
(Absolutely hysterical that they just Lost a massive snake in his house and it was a throwaway line and nobody cared or tried to look for it)
#sotr#sotr spoilers#sunrise on the reaping spoilers#i know the snake had to be removed from the narrative before the games but lolllll#it's just plutarch's roommate now hissing away#this book was both utterly devastating And full of utter hysterical nonsense#love that for it
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i really am the kind of bitch who loves reading textbooks huh
#not to be obnoxious but i totally do#i keep saying i don't have time for recreational reading but my biochem textbook? organic chem? physics? psych? chem????#i WILL get burned out eventually. i will. but rn i'm having sm fun w my full study days.#absolutely salivating to start sarah bakewell's at the existentialist cafe soon#a stack is sitting in my bookcase waiting to be read. i miss reading like i used to. i miss it sm#but i just got done w an intense study session and so. much. serotonin#i've just been studying and working out and taking walks and applying my lip balm and spritzing on a yummy perfume and vibing to music#and. as always. minding my own fucking business#studying and consuming knowledge is actually part of my self care routine. if i don't i feel like utter shit#someone talk science w me i would literally fall in love w u#p
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maybe it's to maintain a sense of tension & turmoil that would eventually reach an explosive peak, a sense of tug-of-war, a back-and-forth to hammer home the ideals they want to deliver and for the viewers to chew on, but although these arguments regarding hiroshi & his stance as a man torn between his loyalty for his country & the loyalty for his Filipino friends and lover is of course important, how they write these scenes & the points they present from this week alone is getting too repetitive...? literally the argument scenes from last night & tonight between adelina & hiroshi is basically the same; the ideas were the same, the dynamics were the same: the aggressive, radical adelina, bristling rage and fear over the injustices she's seen thus far, and the cautious, inspiriting hiroshi, all hopefulness and reassurance one moment as a lover, defensiveness and sternness as a japanese soldier in another. this debate will be ever-present ofc, it is one of the series' biggest conflicts, but it is unfortunately so easy to tell when it is a.) being pulled up as a main topic to move the plot along / be a necessary conflict for character development/introspection / be the conflict to deliver the morals & messages the writers want to send to their viewers, or b.) when it is being pulled up only for the drama and filler to pass the time. like watching the characters sit down to argue for 10 minutes, do other things for the plot for 2 minutes, then sit down again to argue for the next 20 minutes. lol.
#lots of things i wish they would soon improve but this 1 bothered me tonight..stopped watching halfway thru#these scenes would be like excellent breaks for when we need to take a breather to digest what's been going on#but at the slow pace they've set it it's just...nothing's been going on since like...4 days ago#except for eduardo's plot#it's just arguments..everywhere....all the time....over the same repetitive things#no progress nothing new to chew on despite there being drastic changes to their situation...? same vibes from the time they weren't occupie#yet lol. same dynamics mostly#only new points of debate is regarding hiroshi & his country vs friends conflict#& carmela being desperate to go back to comfort & luxury vs her family standing as firm as they could against the occupation#ahhh i am sooo not eloquent enough to express my full thoughts but like!!! fellow viewers if y'all r here u understand me right lmfoskadhsg#finding it hard to criticize bc i'm trying to make sense of where they r coming from#a.) seeing as unlike mcai this is a complete original story it's hard to see what direction they'd like to take it to#b.) fil shows really find it hard to break away from their normal formulas of family dramas & bastard children & love triangles :'))))#god the opportunity to tell a refreshing diff story but this is like gma show 67627627th but set in the japanese era....then mixed with 50%#of the mcai show feel#the editing the visuals the acting = good. 60% of the story line = can be compared to the hundreds of gma shows we've seen be4#anywy going off on a tangent...#c.) i can understand the slow pacing as them trying to establish the settings & the feel of that era so that the more intense tragedies-#later on would hit harder#but again. few scenes feel like they're dragging on for too long. some scenes & themes r too repetitive#need to see something differenttt something fresh something developing. something moving & feeling & connecting w/the audience#need to see more of the Philippines & the Filipino people in the 40s!! not the same afternoon prime drama shot in intramuros#need to see their messages staring into our souls instead of just being words uttered in tears#all this to say....flop era this week tbh sorry#EXCEPT FOR MAX COLLINS & HER LIKE. 3 MINS SCREEN TIME. MAX COLLINS I LOVE U QUEEN#rambles#pulang araw#putting this in the main tag i KNOW some ppl out there would feel the same & can explain this better lol i swear????
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So since I've rediscovered the joys of obtaining old games via perfectly legal means, I've been making my way through the Nintendo DS library. Not the whole library or anything, I'm not that much of a madwoman, but I do want to experience a decent chunk of the games I never had access to as a kid (and play them in their entirety for science and posterity). I'm now about 8 games in and while the DS definitely has some of the most peak bangers of the mid-2000's
I've also played some
games
I've played some games recently

#I'm not going through them in any particular order just playing whatever I'm in the mood for#just about to 100% Tomb Raider Underworld and that's a solid 3/5#but it's only 3/5 because so many of these are utter shovelware and I love Tomb Raider with all my heart#I need you to know that I played and finished a Frozen tie-in game that was made by the studio that made Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing#i played like.. that whole thing. yeah.#I'll make a full Excel sheet out of this with ratings at some point but jesus christ I've played some games#nintendo ds
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hey fujii do you wanna hear about a silly little thing i thought of earlier. so you know how in red/blue rescue team, eevee used to be in the "naive" category, whereas in explorers of sky, it's in the "jolly" category? it made me think about ribbons, specifically because of how the rescue team personality test describes the naive trait.
in rescue team, the naive type is described to be someone whos highly curious, and someone who likes rare things. their cheerful and carefree make everything fun for the people around them, but they also have the flaw of being childish, never sitting still, and always being on the move. (it also says that they might be selfish but i dont see that applying to ribbons tbh..)
it seems so oddly fitting for ribbons because her personality does show those traits in particular. she's a silly little thing and her bright cheery personality, and she is childish to some extent. and of course, can't forget her curiosity. especially with how curious she got when it came to dusknoir. and of course, we can't forget about the *actual* definition of naive. naivety in the sense of choosing to believe that dusknoir, despite how his aura flared with malice, bared no ill intent. to think that someone who is so great, so wise, so kind and caring could ever be capable of shattering her world apart.. that was naive. because she believed he was what she thought he was, and because it was her naivety that nearly got her and aimilios killed. you'd think she'd have learned from the drowzee incident where two kids displaying trust in a spur-of-the-moment stranger who coincidentally showed them kindness in their misfortune was a mistake, but i suppose that's what being a naive little child does to you.
(anyways im sorry if this sounds incoherent and out of the blue. have a good day)
DONT YOU DARE APOLOGIZE FOR THIS. THE JOLLY AND NAIVE NATURES FIT MY GIRL SO WELL. (Unhinged rant in tags)
#your description for Naive is like a rocket launcher to the chest#THAT… PLUS JOLLY… (Laughing and crying with ease/over-emotional) IS JUST. IT’S HER!! THAT’S MY GIRL!!!#JUST… EVERYTHING ABT THIS. I CANT EVEN ADD ON.#Her naivety being her downfall/falling out with Dusknoir is so heartbreaking#no doubt the times she was happily laying on his neck ruffs; feeling safe and sound— she’d recieve D.Screams that told her the opposite#Telling her to run; to confront him— anything. but she doesn’t. Hell; the girl doesn’t even question him.#(She looks towards Corphish with an annoyed glance when he questions Dusknoir. He did nothing but good for the town. It’s stupid.)#This. plus her past with him in the paralyzed future (although she can’t remember)— expells all doubts in her mind.#She was so relieved watching his float down to the second floor of Wigglytuff’s guild. She wanted to approach him right then and there#And not only that— when they begin to talk to eachother… he isn’t annoyed? he actually humors her? listens to her stupid jokes?#even snarking back whenever she jabbed at him? (Something that made everyone in treasure town look in HORROR.)#only for Dusknoir to reply with a quip of his own? Even when he does get momentarily miffed by her rudeness? he still decides to stay?#Ribbons loved him; to put it lightly. She loved that she finally had someone other than Aimilios.#She loved that he actually stuck around her on his own merit. and didn’t treat her like some pest.#She loved that he didn’t even mind her lack of intellect. sometimes even offering to to slow down and help the dwarf Eeveewith her studies#so at the End of the Day. When he utters those damned six words? before pulling her and Aimilios in?#Her world is shattered. and she resents him for years.#(Insecurity also kicks in; wondering if he was secretly laughing at her jokes and enjoying her company#…we’re all lies. and that he was merely tolerating her. before killing her.)#She killed any and every feeling that told her to distrust the revenant. putting her full faith in Dusknoir#and what did he repay her unyielding trust and naivety with?#a backstab wound. right through her spine and through her chest.
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I'm just... really hung up on that person coming onto my blog and somehow getting the impression that I was anti glimbow or SPOP critical. Like could they have possibly read the room worse?
#you got me guys this whole time I was a glimbow hating spop anti playing a realllllllllllly long con because uh... profit???#me posting nothing but love for the show for 4 years straight#this person somehow: ah a hater like me!#i would feel bad for unleashing the full force of my rage#but I have had a horrible day and if you are going to come onto my post and make an utter fool of yourself#you deserve what you get at that point#at least I didn't share their bad tags so they can choose to delete and save face#though i of course kept them in case they choose violence😈#when people realize they can just dislike something without having to make up reasons it's bad only then will i know peace#anyway today sucked and my body hates me so no one else piss me off I need rest
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fuck man. cirrus has been clouding my thoughts nonstop and it's starting to influence what media i consume
#i need him. i need him to Treat Me Like That forever fuckfuckfuckfuckfffuck#i cant even enjoy fluff as much. it HAS to be twisted for me to enjoy it right now#im gonna cry i need cirrus. so bad. i need more GAIS. I CANT EVEN DRAW HIM RN BECAUSE IT MAKES ME TEAR UP BECAUSE I HAVE SO MANY EMOTIONS#it's so embarrassing lmao#i open fireaplaca and think about how i wanna start and i get stuck thinking about him instead and i just. sjisbslshlsbsksnvsjsnvusjsbsknsu#im so obsessed with him i need. assistance.#obscura vn#I EVEN. IT'S NOT BUTTERFLIES IN MY TUMMY. MY GUT IS FULL OF LOVE AND FIRE AND DREAD AND COMPLETE AND UTTER DEVOTION#i am so glad he isn't real because he has me acting up.
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The implications that Blade and Dan Heng remember more than they admit is driving me nuts
#Fragments and scraps#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later#Not just Blade's general drive but already what Kafka said about how she was going to take off his mind#the memories of Jing Yuan‚ Jingliu‚ Dan Heng *and Yingxing* made me think he remembers a lot more than he lets on#And then Todd's quest? How he is watching the High Elder statue‚ wonders if that guy was happy‚ and tells us he is 'mourning for folly'?#And that short line uttered in that precise location after this animated short seems even more meaningful#And then Dan Heng? The way he is there? The way he knows where to he at all?#And he pours the drink and it's almost a shared drink beyond time. Once again. Like they did before#Like the wish mentioned in that one leaked Imbibitor Lunae character story. He did get it. In a way. He did get it#The way Dan Heng gazes with eyes full of tenderness and sorrow also seems to imply that he remembers somewhat#Perhaps not all. Perhaps there's not even the feeling#But it feels a bit like mourning lost friends. A bit like the gaze Jing Yuan can't help but give him at times#Perhaps not a lingering feeling Dan Heng has‚ but at least the echo of a love that once was#It also felt like he was seeing them for a moment#It felt like he remembered them#'I am not him'‚ he claims‚ over and over. And he is not wrong. But it seems like the fondness Dan Feng had for his friends#transcended the barriers of death and accompanied him to his next life somewhat#And after centuries of nothingness still Dan Heng can't help but give a tender sorrowful smile to the friends that were#It's heartbreaking that something in the four of them is still mourning‚ each in their way and as they can#What is Blade's and Jingliu's drive for revenge if not that? What is Blade's 'mourning for folly' if not that?#What is Kafka unable to control Blade's mara in the Luofu if not that? What are Jing Yuan's bouts of tiredness‚ the pressure on his chest‚#the way he welcomed his old friends with a joke? What is it if not that the fact that‚ yes‚ after using them‚ but that he let them go?#What is the weight of Dan Heng's smile and his gesture pouring the drink if not that?#No wonder they can't move on if they loved each other so much it transcended duties‚ time‚ life‚ death and madness#Edit: as per Jingliu's quest this was obviously confirmed‚ especially and most intensely in Blade's case (19/10/2023)
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thinking of you and sending one billion hugs
thinking of you back and returning one billion hugs....... i have just been on a train for 5 hours and slowly but surely entering psychic combat with chomsky's government and binding theory. we got invisible pronouns up in this bitch
#i am somehow still doing finals#they're take home essays which is great but the deadlines are. not so great#i spent a full 30 minutes on that train journey desperately looking for if big PRO (invisible pronoun) adhered to binding principle A or B#it was painful on my brain i had to have COHERENT THOUGHT (to my knowledge it should be binding principle A due to the fact that it takes#gender/case/number features from the local antecedent and is bound/c-commanded within the clausal range)#and now i move onto x-bar theory in the syntactical tree structure of grammatical utterances. for reference this is the easiest out of all#i have to do. fun!!!!!#i miss you my friend i hope to return to being able to talk more soon!!! and i hope you are good!!!#i have seen so much of your lovely art on my dash and i literally made a note to go and reblog it soon#i am waiting to do it because i am going to leave so much stuff in the tags it will actually take focus and effort#one million love and happiness for you forever
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just finished a longfic that's left me with even more yearning than the original canon did (and that's saying quite something). help
#this new full fledged obsession is consuming my life#what about two people who have suffered too much to ever begin to recover#and whose suffering is so similar but also so different#to the point that they've inflicted each other so much pain over the years due to ignorance and circumstances#But that after everything find their way to each other and begin to try and endure together the unbearable guilt#maybe even heal in a small part? through love and patience and kindness and _understanding_#what about pain that never goes away but it's half as heavy when it's shared?#what about realising that by all rights the love of your life will never forgive you for what you've done#what about them forgiving you against all odds?#what about the utter painfully strenuous journey of learning to accept this forgiveness?#(I'm in so deep I'll never get out I fear)
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