#GOD I WANT A FIC EITH THIS TOO. ITS SO GOOD.

[fincalinde]

nie huaisang and/or nie mingjue for the ask meme 🧋

Bold! Very bold. Standard disclaimer that I'm aware not everyone is aiming for canon consistency in their fan content, but I find it disheartening that there is so little content produced where the end result is canon consistent. When I express frustrations it is in relation to trends and not specific fics or individuals.

Nie Huaisang

a song that reminds me of them

I honestly don't have any songs that remind me of him, beyond the very weak connection of the results of the impact he has on other characters. He's not a character with much interiority, so nothing really clicked for me in that regard.

what they smell like

I imagine he smells pretty good since he likes to dress well and wear jewellery and that implies he's relatively fastidious. I am guessing he probably smells like clean human in the early part of his life, and then maybe once he's clan leader he has more scope to have whatever incenses he wants floating through the Unclean Realm so then he might smell of those. And obviously there's various hair oils—he's got his signature look with his rings and his fan so it's possible he has a signature hair oil. But maybe it would be declassé to wear so much hair oil that everyone else can smell it and you'd only be able to tell up close and personal oh my god why have I written this many words about how NHS smells

an otp

There's certainly no one in the cast he makes sense with. My personal feeling is that he's really not the type of person who's ever going to work effectively in any kind of partnership, so I don't see him ever being in a relationship that would be a healthy and successful one. I imagine he does marry postcanon though - now is the time to sire heirs and keep the Nie on top.

a notp

The idea of NHS with JGY is particularly distasteful to me.

favorite platonic/familial relationships

Personally, I think the collective dynamic of the Venerated Triad isn't complete without NHS as the unofficial fourth member. LWJ, as is typical, opts out and doesn't give LXC the courtesy of referring to his sworn brothers with fraternal address (not that LXC minds, ilhsm). NHS however is all in on this bonus brother scheme. Not only does he address LXC and JGY as er-ge and san-ge, but he actually treats them like big brothers. He's pleased to see LXC, he's even more pleased to see JGY (omg presents), and it's quite nice that JGY in particular is trying to make up for NMJ's weaknesses in this area. That's not to say that JGY is correct to not make any demands of NHS at all, but he's certainly attempting to be a moderating influence and it's just all really interesting to me.

Of course once NMJ is dead, there's presumably not much time before his corpse first escapes its tomb and NHS concludes there was foul play. So we can't read too much into the way NHS runs back and forth to JGY and LXC, in the sense that obviously a large part of this is an act. But it's still interesting, and I think a lot of people forget that the narration says NHS is bothering LXC at the Cloud Recesses just as often as he's flinging himself on san-ge for fuss and support. This could become its own very long post, so I'll stop here.

a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with

Obviously there are numerous 'headcanons' I disagree with, but to pick one of the most irritating ones, I really dislike this recurring theme I see of NHS showing his hand either postcanon or in divergences. This is a man who never broke character in all of canon—why on earth is he suddenly monologuing at length about his grievances in front of [insert characters here]? Canonically, all he does is obliquely confirm to WWX that he was behind setting the arm on the Mo family, manipulating MXY, killing the cats and luring the juniors, desecrating MS' body etc. But it's all implied and he does not ever relinquish plausible deniability.

It really makes no sense to me to think that NHS would drop his act postcanon, either in the canon scenario of dead JGY, or in a divergence scenario where JGY survives. As infuriating as it would be for him if JGY escaped, he's going to redouble his efforts rather than sabotage himself by confirming WWX's suspicions to literally anyone. He's held it together thus far even when it looked like his plan might go awry, and there's no reason to think he can't continue to hold it together through any further plans and/or confrontations.

NHS' greatest weapon is his ability to not break character, and we already know he doesn't break character in victory. So, a setback as basic as JGY surviving would just not be enough for him to relinquish his modus operandi. I really think he'd be privately furious and distressed, but would continue to disguise that and simply attempt to regroup. (Although, as I have also said before - in a divergence where JGY knows NHS is his enemy, NHS is toast. JGY outclasses NHS on every level and the only advantage NHS has is JGY's profound belief in his harmlessness. Once that is gone, it's game over.)

the position they sleep in

I've never really thought about this but I bet when he was little he would crawl into NMJ's bed and proceed to keep him awake all night by fidgeting.

a crossover au i’d love to see them in

Maybe one day I'll confirm how he fits in to my ATLA AU and write that. I do know where he is and what he's doing.

my favorite outfit they’ve ever worn

I can't say I've ever paid much attention, but I definitely find the wardrobe of CQL NHS to be disappointingly bland and unmemorable, so maybe just his default official artwork outfit? Seems like it fits the canonical brief of being sharp and fashionable with bonus fan.

—

Nie Mingjue

a song that reminds me of them

Definitely Running Deep by Delara.

Looking deep inside my thoughts And reflected shit I thought I could control But I'm paralysed and terrified And it's killing me but maybe that is fine

what they smell like

Human being + something a little bit metallic.

an otp

He's canonically ace as in no interest in relationships or sex, so none. As a side note I do think it's interesting that he doesn't marry and father children - I assume before the war he thinks he'll have more time, and afterwards he realises time is too short for him to raise and train his own children. But there's just a whisper in there of the classic NMJ 'do as I say not as I do' approach, because it's still a choice he's made that was influenced by his own preferences rather than solely his duty as clan leader.

a notp

I cannot think of any ship I dislike more than Nieyao. If I get into this it will become a dissertation, so we'll just leave it there. Suffice to say:

Physical abuse and mortal terror are not things that interest me when I'm shipping.

I am not in the habit of ignoring canonical character dynamics for my own convenience.

favorite platonic/familial relationships

Perhaps weirdly, I really enjoy NMJ and LXC because of the layers. I really like that the affection between them is genuine but that they just do not get each other and you can see throughout the flashbacks the way their relationship is eroding. And it's not drastic, dramatic erosion like NMJ and JGY, but instead the kind of sad recognisable drifting apart of two people who became friends in their youth because they're from similar backgrounds and have unique and heavy responsibilities—but those similarities are just not enough the older they get, and the more time passes the more apparent it becomes that they have fundamentally different outlooks on life.

I like that NMJ refuses to engage with LXC's basic point about context mattering, yet before he's fully in the grip of the sabre spirit maxing out his worst instincts, he's still capable of being moved by human sympathy when it's LXC making the argument. I like that LXC is the only person NMJ is ever visibly pleased to see. I really believe NMJ cares deeply about LXC, his only actual friend.

And, conversely, I also really like that NMJ is able to see that LXC has a closer bond and rapport with JGY and is frustrated by that. I don't know that I'd go all in on the theory that he's jealous of how close LXC and JGY are as a primary motivation as that's a bit too basic, but I do think that feeling of exclusion is one of the many factors swimming around in the murky depths of the dynamic of their sworn brotherhood.

Finally, I just love the contrast between LXC's relatively clear-eyed view of JGY, where he has a very good understanding of who JGY is and what he's all about even if he's not aware of all the lengths JGY ultimately has to go to, with his absolute obliviousness to who NMJ really is. NMJ is literally trying to stab JGY to death in public and only LXC's intervention prevents murder and yet another inter-clan war, and LXC is still like oh dear, Da-ge really is under a lot of stress. LXC is drifting further and further from NMJ (see the excellent meta from @xiyao-feels for a breakdown of this). Yet he still thinks of NMJ as being at heart the youthful clan leader he first befriended, rather than the current worst self incarnation whose negative qualities have been turned up to the max and who is a lethal ticking time bomb, a danger to everyone around him.

a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with

As always, do not get me started. I am absolutely baffled as to where cuddly wuddly giant teddy gym bunny biker Etsy crafter in touch with his fee-fees all bark and no bite NMJ comes from, because he certainly does not feature in canon. I'll stand by this for both MDZS and CQL. I've probably spilt enough ink on MDZS NMJ and we are given very detailed insight into his state of mind so that's a lot easier to reference, but it's worth noting that CQL NMJ is just as profoundly hypocritical and violent and it's vital to incorporate that into his character. Writing only his superficial righteousness, his love for NHS and his affection for LXC is really not enough. It annoys me when aspects of characters are excised in order to sanitise them for what appears to be mainly shipping purposes.

the position they sleep in

I think maybe it varies but he doesn't move much in the night unless he has nightmares. Which no one knows about because he always sleeps alone.

a crossover au i’d love to see them in

I also know what this guy is doing in my ATLA AU, and I'm super boring and not a huge fan of genuine crossovers—usually I prefer mashups where the characters of one canon are integrated into the setting of another without aping the original plot. I think it's really important to retain his arc of a) losing himself to all his worst qualities, and b) acknowledging that he's choosing to lose himself and handling it badly, but also it's not much of a choice when he can't opt out of the system he's in. I'm thinking maybe an X-Men AU where he has some kind of power that causes sabre-spirit-type degeneration and violence? It would need some kinks worked out of it but might be a decent shout.

my favorite outfit they’ve ever worn

Obviously his best look is when WWX is flicking his naked disembodied torso. Iconic.

[arcadequeerz]

NO UR TAGZ MADE SENSE DONT WORRY AND :wailing: THAT HURTZ SO BAD

i imagine that michael wouldnt rlly get out of the house very often other than to drop gregory off/pick him up from school and meet with his teacherz or other parentz occasionally (and work ofc). and he was a very serious person. hardly had a sense of humor to speak of. and just generally had an air of sadness around him that made him not very fun to be around. but he was very kind and polite and he loved gregory with all his heart. he promised hed be a better father than william was. and tried So Hard to keep that promise and just. be better than how he was when he was younger. and gregoryz classmatez would pick on him for his dad being such a stick in the mud and no fun. if his dad wont even let him go to freddyz he must be allergic to fun

im definitely not imagining michael post scooping beating himself up for leaving gregory alone (no matter how much that wasnt what he wanted) . hed consider himself a failure of a father and just as bad as william for abandoning gregory. he wouldnt even be surprised if gregory didnt recognize him post-scooping bc of how different he looked as a corpse

elaborating on the point i made abt michael and glamrock freddy having tension for Obvious Reasonz. i imagine that once the happy tearz and the apologiez for leaving slowz down after gregory and michael are reunited michael would try to. distance gregory away from the glamrockz and the pizzaplex in general. he wouldnt just take gregory away immediately cuz greg is very clearly attached to glamfred and the glamrockz and he wouldnt want to upset him. especially not now while thingz are still raw. but he is. almost passive aggressive and overly cautious around them cuz of previous Bad Experience with animatronicz

but eventually michael and glamfred sit down and have an Adult Conversation abt how they both care abt gregory and want to be a part of his life and hopefully they can come to a compromise where they get what they want. glamfred explainz that without vanessaz influence they Will Not hurt gregory and that the other glamrockz care abt gregory too. and michael explainz that he just wantz to make up for all the yearz he was unable to be there for greg and a bit abt his history with fazbear entertainment and why hez a living hollow corpse. and they come to a compromise where michael is offered a security guard position at the pizzaplex (since vanessa quit after glitchtrap stopped messing with her and just went off to do her own thing and the spot is vacant) and michael hesitantly acceptz and finally getz back some semblance of a normal life. he bringz gregory to work with him so the glamrockz can look after him while michael does his dutiez and he finally startz to heal from all the trauma

i still have no idea how vanny would track michael down and figure out hez gregoryz dad. maybe she did some kind of family tree thingy and targeted gregory on purpose Because of his connection to michael? and after greg helped shake malharez control shed seek out michael and drag him to the pizzaplex to reunite them. idk if that made sense. i want to make this a fic so bad

I JUST REALIZED. I DESCRIBED MICHEAL LIKE A SAD DILF. I PROMMY THAT WASNT INTENTIONAL I PROMMY I PROMMY. my true michael simp colorz are showing /lh /lh

[lousimusician]

Faking It

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Request: Ik you're busy working on sex pollen right now but when you could could you do one where the reader has never orgasmed with any of their SO and when they start having sex/dating peter they dont want to make him feel bad so they just fake it? And somehow peter finds out the truth and he just turns super dom and makes her cum like....a lot? Thanks! I love your writing so much!

A/N: I fell in love with this request the second I saw it omgggg, it's so goooood. Thank you to the anon who requested this, I hope I did it justice lol. I also wasn't planning to write whole ass fics for the requests and make them more like blurbs or something, but some of your guy's ideas are so good I couldn't help myself.

Warning: Smuttttt, Oral (fem recieving), language, Peter and the reader are both 18

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Peter had really just been passing through when he overheard the conversation that made his stomach twist with shame and embarrassment.

It had to be around midnight when Peter just finished patrolling Queens and he decided to stop by his girlfriend's apartment for a few minutes.

Your window was open, and just as Peter was about to crawl through was when he heard it.

You were facetiming MJ while laying on your bed, and the two of you seemed to be in deep conversation, when he heard her say, "So you've been faking it this whole time?"

Peter stopped, interest piqued to find out what exactly you had been faking.

You groaned and tugged on your hair. "Yes."

"Is he that bad or is there another reason?" MJ asked mindlessly while she worked on her homework.

"No he's good, it's me. I just- I have a hard time.. y'know..-"

"Orgasming?"

You groaned again. "I hate this conversation."

MJ put her hands up in surrender. "Hey, you were the one that wanted to have this sex talk."

You rolled your eyes. "Anyway, I think I'm just scared I won't be able to and then he'll be all embarrassed and then I'll be embarrassed, so I... fake it. And it wouldn't be the first time either, I did the same with Ian and Devin."

"And Peter has no idea?" MJ asked, looking up from her homework.

"Well I hate to brag but by the time I started dating Peter I got very good at faking it." You said pathetically.

"(Y/N) that is the saddest thing I've ever heard, don't worry you're not bragging." She responded sarcastically.

"Yeah, I know. What do you think I should do? I just feel so guilty."

MJ shrugged her shoulders. "Don't know man. Just talk to him I guess, how long can you go pretending anyway."

You shook your head. "Yeah... I'm just- I'm gonna go to bed now, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"See ya." MJ said before ending the call.

Peter backed away from your window, but lingered on the wall as everything you and MJ said sunk in.

And Peter didn't know how to feel anything other than embarrassed and betrayed.

You faked it,

Every. Single. Time.

And Peter began replaying every time the two of you had sex.

The first time you two were together, to when you had done it in the janitors closet, to when you told each other that you loved each other, to even just last night.

How had he never noticed before.

Peter punched the wall in frustration, before swinging back to his own apartment.

-----

"Hey Peter." You greeted your boyfriend the next morning at school, after arriving at his locker.

Upon hearing and seeing you Peter immediately remembered the anger he felt last night, so with gritted teeth and a clenched jaw responded with a simple, "Hey."

You furrowed your eyebrows at his tone but ignored it anyway. "So are we still hanging out later."

"Sure." He said without looking at you.

"Oookay?" You said confused by his attitude. "I'll talk to you at lunch then." You said, backing away before heading to your own class.

The rest of the day had gone by in a similar fashion. Peter was very off and you couldn't figure out why, except for that it had to be something with you because he was only acting coldly towards you.

The walk to his place with him after school was quiet and tense, and it was setting you on edge.

You tried to fill the silence with idle conversation but when his responses came off as less than interested, you finally gave up all together. And even when you reached his apartment, the two of you went straight to the bedroom silently save for the greetings to Aunt May.

The second Peter stepped into the bedroom he threw his bag down next to his desk and immediately pulled his homework out, and started on it even though it was a Friday, further proving to you that he was ignoring you.

Meanwhile, you on the other hand, decided to sit on his bed without a word.

You pulled out your phone and occupied your time with the device. 

And that was how the night slowly progressed. You shooting glances at him, while Peter pretended not to notice as he continued his homework.

It wasn't until May popped in to tell you two that she was going out for a few hours with her friends that you finally said something.

"...Peter?" You asked quietly, and all you recieved was a hum in response. "Are you mad?"

Peter continued writing, "No." He said simply but with a bite that told you he was definitely angry.

"Did I do something?"

"No." He said again, jaw clenching.

"If you don't tell me, I can't fix it."

Peter stopped writing and began tapping his pencil against his paper, trying to figure out what to say. "...You've been faking it." He said as if the words burned his tongue, gaze fixed on the textbook in front of him.

You sat up on your knees, jaw dropped and eyebrows furrowed. "H-how-?"

"I went to stop by your place last night-"

"Y-you heard." You stuttered out in a small voice, shame seeping into your conscious.

"Yeah I heard." He said bitterly. "Did you really fake it every time?" He finally looked at you.

You gaped at him, torn between telling the truth and lying but the look he gave you told you it would be wisest to tell the truth. "...I did."

The pencil in his hand snapped.

"P-Peter I'm so sorry, I was just so embarrassed-"

"Oh you're embarrassed?" He asked sarcastically. "Imagine how I feel knowing that everytime I slept with my girlfriend I've never been able to make her cum."

"No! Peter it's really not your fault. The last two guys I dated were never able to make me cum either."

"Great, now I'm like those two assholes." He muttered, standing up.

You shot up off the bed, stepping closer to Peter. You placed your hands on his cheeks so he would give you his undivided attention. "Listen to me Peter." You said sternly. "I love you so much and I am sorry I never told you. You are so amazing in every way and if I'm being completely honest...I've never been able to make myself cum eith-"

You were roughly cut off by Peter's lips crashing against yours. Your hands fell to his chest, while one of his gripped your jaw firmly and the other tightly held your hip. "Stop talking." He muttered, his lips going to your neck.

"W-what?" You asked breathlessly.

"I said stop talking." He repeated more firmly this time. He picked you up and tossed you onto the bed, raising a hand to shoot a web at the door to keep it locked in case May came back early.

Peter moved on top of you now, leaning back. "This is how it's gonna go, I'm gonna do whatever it takes to make you cu-"

"But Pete-"

"I'm speaking now." 

"S-sorry." You said, biting your lip.

"I'm going to make you cum alright?" He said pulling off his sweater, "And you're going to communicate with me this time to make sure- take off your shirt." You did as he said, taking your bra off too. "To make sure you do cum, and you're not going to fake it okay?"

You nodded profusely.

"Good. Now, you can talk." He said as his hands began undoing your jeans.

"..What if I can't though." You whimpered.

"That's why you're going to talk to me, princess." Peter said gently, voice losing its roughness at seeing how worried you were. He pulled your jeans off your legs. "You're going to tell me exactly what you need, and I'm going to re-learn everything about your body." Peter pulled off your panties next, leaving you completely naked. "...Grab the headboard for a second." He said, an idea coming to mind.

You cocked an eyebrow but did as he said anyway and jumped in surprise when he webbed your hands together. 

You turned your head, looking at your hands, before looking back to Peter with a confused expression.

"I want the only thing you focus on to be on what I'm doing." He said, moving down your body so he was situated between your thighs.

He pulled your legs over his shoulders and you struggled to look down at him because of your bound hands. Without warning Peter flattened his tongue going from the bottom of your slit to the top, making you throw your head back into the pillow with a moan. 

He did the same thing again only this time his lips latched onto your clit.

"Ahh~ fuck." You hissed.

His mouth worked against you until you were a whimpering mess, your hips beginning to grind against his face desperately, making him bring an arm up to pin you to the bed.

He knew you needed more but he wanted to hear it from you first so he pulled away and muttered. "Start talking princess." Before latching his lips back onto your clit.

"Y-your fingers." You stuttered. 

He hummed against you, the vibration sending a wave of pleasure down your spine. Peter brought his free hand to your pussy and slid a finger in easily due to how wet you were.

His tongue worked your clit as he started thrusting and curling a finger into you.

And it felt good, it always felt so good. Which was why it was so goddamn frustrating to feel so much pleasure that went no where, built up to nothing. 

But tonight you were as determined to cum as Peter was at making you.

"M-more~" You gasped out. Peter complied sliding a second finger in, his ministrations speeding up and using more force. "Peter~" You moaned. "Don't stop~ f-fuck."

The two of you sat there for god knows how long and Peter was finally starting to understand why you would fake it.

He pulled away, fingers still thrusting into you. "C'mon pretty girl, tell me what you need." You just looked so desperate to cum. Mouth gaping open as you whined and begged, your hips trying to move with him if not for the arm pinning you down, and it was driving Peter crazy. He was so hellbent on getting you to cum that he hadn't even registered how painfully hard he was, his own hips beginning to grind into the mattress for a sense of relief.

"I-I don't know." The words coming out as a frustrated sob, making Peter's heart clench.

That was when he got an idea.

Peter had always been aware of how gentle or rough he was with you, because if he didn't he could seriously hurt you due to his super strength.

But right now he realized that maybe that was just what you needed.

So with new intent, Peter slid a third finger in and started thrusting them into you, curling them to hit your g-spot perfectly. Mouth reattaching to your pussy again, he stimulated you with more force and strength behind every movement than he had ever used before.

And your reaction was immediate.

You practically screamed in pleasure. Body shaking almost violently, as your legs were wrapped tightly behind his back.

Your mind had gone fuzzy, never having felt this much pleasure before. And it was seriously fucking you up. 

An unfamiliar knot started forming making you more and more desperate for Peter. And just as you felt you were about to fall over the edge for the first time.

Peter stopped, removing his fingers and mouth.

Your eyes shot wide open. "P-Peter." You sobbed. "Why'd you s-stop." 

Peter crawled up your body, thumb wiping away the tears you didn't realize had fallen. 

He kissed your lips before saying. "Couple of reasons. First, that's what you get for not telling me about this sooner, and second, I realized that I want to be in you the first time you cum." 

You whimpered as he backed away so he could undo his pants. Your eyes raked up and down his lean muscular body, your fingers starting to itch with wanting to touch him.

"Can you dissolve the webs?" You asked.

He paused, looking at you for a second. "..No."

Your eyebrows furrowed. "B-but Peter-" You whined.

"No. I kinda like you like this, and I have a feeling you're going to need to hold onto the headboard because of how hard I'm gonna fuck you."

Your cheeks burned, he was never usually this forward. "Peter!" You spluttered.

He ignored you while he finished undressing himself, getting up to grab a condom before easily finding his spot on top of you again once he finished putting it on. He pressed his lips against yours again in an intoxicating kiss, while he gripped his cock to line up with your entrance and slowly pushed in, making the two of you moan into the kiss.

He pulled back slightly. "I'm not going to go easy on you." He said breathily, lips grazing yours as he spoke. "Think you can handle it?"

"Mhmm," you hummed.

"Good." He said, sitting up as a hand went to your leg to hike your thigh onto his hip, while his other hand started gripping the top of his headboard.

He admired the way you looked with your hands bound as you stared up at him wide eyed. 

And without any warning he pulled back and snapped his hips roughly into you. You arched your back as a moan passed through your lips.

Peter kept a fast and rough pace, fucking into you hard. And he had found himself enjoying it much more than he thought he would, not having to hold back and be mindful of his powers.

You had been clearly enjoying yourself too. Your head tossed back in ecstasy while you moaned and whined incoherently, forgetting how to form words. You couldn't think at all, only being able to feel Peter.

The relief you felt when that unfamiliar knot started to form, letting you know that Peter may actually get you to cum, was amazing.

"P-Peter I think I'm gonna-" you cut yourself off with a moan.

"Y-yeah?" He grunted out, picking up more speed. "Then do it pretty girl. Cum." His hand that was on your thigh trailed down to your clit and he started rubbing it in rough circles. 

The extra stimulation was what tipped you over.

You came with a loud scream of Peter's name on your lips. And you came hard. The pleasure feeling so unreal that you couldn't believe you had gone this long without ever experiencing it. Your vision turned almost black, seeing stars. 

You had cum so hard you hadn't even realized Peter came too, until after you came down from the high.

You were panting, absolutely breathless, feeling Peter's weight on you as he was slumped against you now.

Your body was shaking, and you muttered out. "Holy shit."

You could feel Peter's smile against your shoulder. He pulled out, making you jump at the feeling and he rolled off of you, panting just as hard while the two of you stared at the bottom of the top bunk.

"You're amazing." You muttered again.

Peter laughed, grin widening. "And to think you could've been cumming this whole time if you just told me."

You rolled your eyes. "Yeah I know... I was just embarrassed."

"Don't be."

You hummed. "Can I stay the rest of the night?"

" 'course. I prefer you stay anyway."

"So.. can you dissolve the webs now?"

Peter turned his head to look at you, making you turn to look at him too. He raised an eyebrow. "You didn't think we were actually done, did you?"

You looked at him confused, "W-what?"

His hand ran down to your pussy again, finding your clit, making you jump. "I plan on making up for every time you faked it, by the end of the night."

"B-but what about May? She'll be back soon."

Peter glanced at the time, seeing that it was only 9. "Aunt May goes out with her friends once a month and she never has gotten home before 1 or 2 in the morning. We have time."

You stared at the glint in Peter's eyes, and knew you were utterly screwed. "Oh fuck."

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@i-alyssa

[dhwty-writes]

Chapter 12 - Intriguing Intruders and Intruding Intrigues

Ah, yes. Welcome to chapter 2. No, you didn't read that wrong. This begins with the second scene I've ever written for this AU. We've come a long way since back then, especially considering that it was only a little under two months ago and this fic has since taken over my life. Also, thanks as always to @persony-pepper​  for betaing! Now enough of me rambling, here's the chapter:

Summary: Jaskier's liege lord comes to Lettenhove and our beloved ex-bard is struggling to keep it together.

Read on AO3

prologue | previous | next

"Where is he?" Jaskier panted, wincing at how his side ached after sprinting up a flight of stairs. He used to be able to hold his own against a witcher on a horse, for Melitele's sake, what had happened to all that stamina?

"Beggin' your pardon, m'lord, I don't know," Marta answered, her eyes widened in panic. "I've been lookin' for 'im for the past hour. He's nowhere to be found."

"Shit," he cursed, startling the surrounding servants. "Fuck!" he cursed again, just because the first one hadn't been enough to actually voice his frustration. He kicked the wall and howled in pain. "Fucking shit! Start over," he ordered. "I want that damned witcher and I want him now! Marta!"

"Yes, m'lord?"

"Is my cousin presentable yet?"

"No, m'lord."

"Then see to it that she is. You have half an hour; the green dress, if you will."

He turned on the heel and raced down the stairs again, cursing quietly. He shouldn't be surprised, really, that Geralt chose today of all days to all but disappear from Lettenhove. 'That's not fair,' he reminded himself, 'you didn't know eith-'

"Fuck!" His foot slipped on the slippery stairs and he would've taken a tumble down the stairs hadn't he collided with a bulk of muscle.

"Careful, my lord," Geralt said, and held him firmly by the shoulders. "Else a twisted ankle will be the least of your worries."

"Geralt!" Jaskier started a futile attempt to wiggle out of his grasp. "Where have you been, you donkey?"

"Training your horse, my lord," he replied, making no move to let go of him. Instead he calmly looked around, taking in the bustling servants. "What's going on?" He pulled him closer to the wall, to let two men hauling a heavyweight chest pass through. "Are you preparing for war?"

'If only.' He scoffed and smacked at Geralt’s hands. "No. Witcher, you need to leave."

"What?" That finally made him soften his grasp, though he did not lift his hands, nor did he move from where they were crammed onto the same step. "Why?"

Jaskier passed a trembling hand through his hair. It was sweaty already, not a good way to start the day when- "There are guests on their way," he explained as calmly as he could. "I don't know which of my imbecile neighbours chose this exact time for a visit, but there's nothing I can do about it now."

"And why do I-" His hand shot out and caught a young lad by the elbow. "Are those my swords?" he growled menacingly. The poor boy looked as if he might piss himself.

"Yes, I- Geralt!" He tried prying the butcher's hand away without too much success. "Let go of him this instant, you're frightening him!" The witcher complied slowly. "Stop glowering, they are acting on my orders. And you, run along now, and hurry up for Melitele's sake!"

The lad took off again and Geralt crossed his arms and glared. "Why?" he asked again. "Where's he going with them?"

"To your new rooms in the North Wing. Ci- Cousin Fiona is also moving, she'll be living with my sisters." He waved his hand dismissively, cutting him off before he could even start to speak. "It wouldn't make sense otherwise. I wouldn't leave her with you when Józia and Janka are there to take care of her. And as my best friend it's only natural for you to be accommodated close to my quarters."

The witcher frowned, still not convinced. "Why do I have to leave then?"

"Because I do not know who is paying me a visit and what intentions they bear. No-one will look twice at dear Cousin Fiona, but you-"

"My lord, there you are," Jakub came to a halt a few steps below them.

"What?" Jaskier snapped.

"Your visitors. They're bearing the banner of Hangfelt."

Fear gripped him like an icy hand, choking the air from his lungs. "Fuck." He'd known this was inevitable, but still- "Go, Jakub, inform the kitchens right away. I will not be accused of lacking hospitality." He manservant bowed curtly and hurried away.Jaskier turned to follow him.

Geralt caught him by the shoulder again. "What's so important about Hangfelt?"

Jaskier winced. "That's my liege. You need to leave, now."

He frowned. "I don't understand-"

Jaskier was beginning to lose his patience. 'Gods above and below, he's been roaming this continent for almost a century. Should be more than enough time to get a basic grasp on petty politics,' he thought. He almost told him so, too. Almost. "That's not important right now," he hissed and tried to push him away, "we're running out of time."

The witcher didn't seem overly impressed by this display of his measly human strength. "Please, my lord, let me try-"

"You don't need to understand!" he snapped, and Geralt visibly recoiled. If nothing else, it did soothe Jaskier's temper a bit. Wiping his sweaty hands on his breeches, he tried to explain: "My liege, Geralt. Lettenhove is his castle. If he suspects something, anything-" He took a shuddering breath, steadying himself. With a firmer voice than he would have thought possible, he continued: "If he demands that I hand you over, I won't be able to refuse. I won't be able to protect you from him, do you understand?"

Geralt paled visibly. "Fiona-"

"She'll be fine, she's family. Protected by my name and castle peace and all that. No-one can lay a finger on her without my leave. The Count is not a bad man, he won’t hurt us and break the law: we’re protected by King Vizimir’s peace. But you are not. So, witcher," he straightened himself, "you need to go."

He set his jaw and the grip on his shoulder tightened. "My lord."

"Take your swords and a cloak, and for Melitele's love, stay out of sight. Of his guards, and his men, and most importantly himself. I'll come find you in the woods once all of this is over. Alone. Do not come seek me if there is another person with me." He faltered, taking in Geralt's squared shoulders, his kind eyes, his attentive expression. "I-" Suddenly, the urge to exchange the grip on his shoulder for a tight embrace to calm his fluttering heart became very hard to fight.

"My lord?" Geralt's voice startled him from his trance. "Are you alright?"

"Yes," he answered curtly and bit down hard on his tongue, to shake those ridiculous thoughts. "I have places to be, witcher, and so do you. Unhand me and leave."

Very slowly and very reluctantly Geralt did as he was told and freed Jaskier from his grasp. He allowed himself to wonder, only for a moment, if Geralt might have felt overcome by the same sort of sentimentality. 

'No,' he told himself decidedly as he sprinted down the stairs of his tower, 'do not think about that. You're Jaskier the Bard, not Jaskier the Fool, Julian Alfred Pankratz of Lettenhove. If Geralt had no affection to spare before, he surely won't have any now.' 

In the courtyard, what appeared to be the entirety of his staff was bustling around, all doing their best to make the castle presentable for its rightful owner. 

There weren't a lot of orders for Jaskier to give, they all knew what they were doing. The air was filled with the rich smells of half a hundred different delicacies to flatter Lord Hangfelt's noble palate,  and servants hauled casks of wine and ale alike that would surely not even see the first snow. Wiktor was making space in the stables for at least a dozen horses more, as Jakub was berating some chambermaid for one reason or another. It was a good thing Jaskier had already warned them that his visit was rather imminent after his return from the disastrous parlay. That way they weren't completely unprepared.

Still, he winced at the memory. The meeting hadn't been dangerous or anything, gods forbid, he'd never have brought Ciri if there had been so much as the slightest sliver of the chance. It had even been fun, truth be told, until the Baron had begged a word in private with him. Unpleasant didn't even begin to describe the whole affair.

"Why?" Jaskier had asked cheerfully, "Are you afraid to get your ass handed to you by a little child again?"

Daniel of Dergetten had frowned at that but not dignified it with a response. Not until he had sent Ciri ahead, at least. Then his old childhood friend had leaned close and hissed: "What on earth are you playing at, Julian?"

"Me?" he had laughed. "Nothing, dear friend. I've got no idea what you're talking about."

"What happened to your sharp wits? Fucked them away on the Path? I thought the man who graduated summa cum laude from Oxenfurt would know better than to believe himself the only one capable of thinking around here."

"Speak plainly."

"Sheltering a witcher in Lettenhove, Jaskier?" he had mocked. "Beneath a mantle of protection that is not even yours to give? Aleksander hasn't forgiven you for your last insolence, yet. What was the year again? 1252? This impertinence might just be enough of an insult for him to finally set you aside. Unless-"

"That's quite enough, Dergetten," he had bristled.

The bastard had only smiled. "Is it, Pankratz? I know where my loyalties lie, as does the Count. Do you?" The memory of his smile choked the air from his lungs. 'Foolish,' he told himself, 'you're a foolish man, Julian Alfred Pankratz, to think you can hide a secret such as this from your liege.' Which meant, there was only one thing he could do.

It was true that Count Aleksander Milas had been lenient in the past when it came to Jaskier's particularities that distinguished him from the rest of his peers. He quite liked his songs, had even encouraged him to tutor his son - which Jaskier had firmly declined - and he hadn't given him too much of a hard time for his prolonged absence from Lettenhove. Upon his return his liege had only laughed, not cruelly, when he had knelt at feet to beg his forgiveness for his negligence. And when his father had died, not two days later a servant had summoned him to Hangfelt to swear his fealty — despite Jaskier's protests that his sister Janina would be much better suited for the title.

"Nonsense," Lord Hangfelt had answered, "how could I accept her oath when the rightful heir is right here?"

So, he had sworn, and Hangfelt had promised a visit once the mourning period was over. He was only off by three days, probably spurred on by Daniel of Dergetten's dutiful report, the little traitor. As a consequence, though, Jaskier was still dressed all in black, as were his sisters. Ciri's green dress was an almost offending speck of colour when she stepped out into the courtyard.

"There you are," Jaskier exclaimed and strode over to her to put an arm around her shoulders. "Come, you'll stand at my left side."

She nodded and together they crossed over where Janina and Józefa were already waiting. The four of them surely made a pretty image, he thought, all of them with their pale skin, dark hair and bright eyes. 'Ciri fits right in,' he noticed, satisfied with the illusion he'd conjured. 

Waiting like this, prettily lined up for their lord to inspect like cattle on a market's day, was torture of the cruelest kind. The urge to fidget hadn't been this strong in him since before he'd left. Images of memories long forgotten flooded his mind, the five Pankratz siblings diligently queueing before their father's high chair to receive his judgement after a day of deeds and misdeeds. It had always been him who had misbehaved most, if wandering off in his mind and quietly humming as he worked could be counted as misbehaviour. It had also always been him to step forward to take the blame and consequences for whatever crime his sisters had committed. It hadn't been his fault more often than not. 'My responsibility to bear nonetheless.' 

When he finally found the strength to abandon those hurtful memories he bowed down to Ciri. "You'll have to curtsy," he informed the princess quietly.

"I know," she replied, barely moving her lips. Absentmindedly he wondered how many stiff ceremonies she had already suffered through. 'Surely too many,' he determined. 'Even one is one too much.' "I've seen it many times."

He raised an eyebrow at that. "You do know how, don't you?"

She grew rigid under his touch. "Of course!" she repeated. "I've seen it many times!"

He sighed and rolled his eyes. It was Jakub who saved him from the embarrassment of having to explain to a princess how to bend her stiff royal knees. "They're here, my lord," his servant told him quietly.

"Good," he answered. It wasn't good at all. Still, he shouted: "Open the gates!" He heard Jakub repeat his order, and then Marin, too, and then the large winches sprung into motion and opened the heavy oaken gates for the Count and his companions.

As soon as the winches stopped moving, a party of roughly fifteen riders poured into the courtyard. A standard bearer came first, then the Count himself, along with his son and heir, the spitting image of his father. Well, if one ignored the fact that his father was in his forties, overweight, and balding, and not a strapping lad of fourteen years- 'Oh, fuck no, you won't,' he thought and his grip on Ciri's shoulder tightened.

Behind them followed some brothers or cousins or friends Jaskier couldn't quite remember from his youth, half a dozen guards, and- He nearly cursed out loud when he saw there was a woman riding with them. 'Hangfelt, you bastard.'

To his deepest regret he had to postpone his harangue, though, because Aleksander Milas, the Count of Hangfelt was already dismounting and it was time for their act to begin.

Jaskier stepped forward to greet him with a smile as if he was an old friend and not his garroter. "My liege," he said and bowed with a flourish, "Lettenhove is yours."

"Pankratz!" Hangfelt laughed and displayed his crow's feet for everyone to see. "How good to see you again!" He pulled him into a tight hug that made it difficult to breathe. "How have you been?"

"Fine, my lord," he gritted out and did his best to make a sad face, "as much as the circumstances allow it. Though we are still very heartbroken for the passing of our father."

"And I expect no less, my loyal servant. Which is why I postponed this visit as long as I could. I would not want to disturb your grief."

"You could never, my lord," he answered but the Count had already moved on to his sisters, who were still curtsying deeply. Jaskier nudged Ciri with his elbow to get her to do the same.

"My dear Lady Goldfurt," he said as he beckoned Janina to rise. "I see you still enjoy your brother's hospitality. Is your husband's town so unappealing?"

"Not at all, my lord," her voice and smile were icy, "I am only here to help my brother settle in. He has been away for so long; he hardly knew his way around the castle upon his return."

That made Lord Hangfelt laugh. "Is that true? Have you forgotten all about your home while away on your little adventures?"

"Hardly, my lord," Jaskier forced himself to say. "But it is good to have familiar faces surrounding me."

He nodded. "And what pretty faces those are. Lady Józefa!" He kissed her on both cheeks and Jaskier found himself admiring her self-control. She didn't even flinch from his slobbery mouth. "Has your brother still not found you a husband, Madam?"

"Alas, he has not," she answered jovially, truly an accomplished actress. "Though I trust he will soon correct that mistake. Come spring, perhaps?"

"Sooner still, I hope. I would love a spring wedding. Speaking of weddings, you do remember my sister, Pankratz? The Lady Alina Milas."

The lady in question dismounted her own horse and came over to them. She was Aleksander Milas' step-sister, almost two decades younger than her brother, and the heiress to a rich estate. And his betrothed, whom he had stood up one beautiful autumn evening in 1252 on their wedding day. 'Shit,' he thought and bowed to kiss her hand. This day was growing worse by the minute. He didn't let that show, though. "How could I not? Is it me, Lady Alina, or have you grown thrice as beautiful since our last meeting?"

"Surely I have," she answered coldly. "I was six years old when you last saw me. Though not for lack of opportunities, I remind you."

He felt the heat rise in his cheeks. Hangfelt just laughed again. "Look at you, Pankratz! She hasn't forgiven you, yet. Well, maybe it is not too late. You are still unmarried, I've heard."

"I am. Though let us not talk of such a joyous occasion yet. You see, my sisters'-" He halted for just a moment, shooting them an apologetic glance. "- delicate nature is still rather frail after our father's death. I wouldn't want to disturb their mourning with festivities."

Lord Hangfelt pouted, which looked ridiculous on a man of his age and size. "You speak of mourning, yet still you have invited guests to your house. I think we haven't been introduced yet?"

"My cousin, the Honourable Fiona Nowak. I met her three years ago in Verden and, after I heard the war had left her orphaned, I had her brought to Lettenhove. It has lessened our grief greatly to have her with us."

Ciri rose from her curtsy and let the Count kiss her knuckles. She obviously had learned self-control from Józefa, for her face didn't so much as twitch. "I am terribly sorry for your loss, Madam."

"There is nothing to be sorry for," she answered and Jaskier could feel the whole courtyard hold its breath, "it was not your sword that slew my mother."

Hangfelt blinked for a moment, then burst out laughing. "I see the family resemblance now! A steel-tongued brat for our silver-tongued lordling. Have you given up your verses and songs yet?"

"Almost, your Lordship," he answered with a forced smile, "there is only one person in the world who might move me to a ballad these days."

"A lover?" he teased.

'If only.' "An old friend."

He frowned. "Not the witcher, I hope."

Jaskier forced himself to smile. "Precisely him."

"Speaking of steel and silver and ballads, then, where is he? Has he left so soon again?"

"Not at all, my lord. Though, he left before sunrise this morning. He does not like to spend the days in company, especially not while he is mourning."

"Mourning?" one of the members of Aleksander Milas' party called. "Are you quite sure he can even feel?" Roman, he remembered the brat was called, the Count's youngest brother and just out of his swaddling clothes when Jaskier had left.

'I am, you prick, and I am quite sure with such a comment you'd have angered him enough for him to gut you for me. He can feel just fine.' He pitied that he couldn't say that to his liege's brother. Instead, he opted for: "I believe he thinks himself guilty for the death of Princess Cirilla."

"Ah," the Count said and dropped his voice compassionately. "I've heard the tales. They say she was raped by half a hundred men before the bastards killed her."

His eyes grew wide and his grip on Ciri's shoulder tightened. "My lord, not in front of the child, if you please," he said just as quietly. "She's gone through so much already."

"Of course." He straightened himself. "Speaking of children, have you met my son, yet, Pankratz? Aleksander, Lord Retton."

"I'm afraid I have not." Jaskier bowed again, when the lad stepped forward, looking very out of place with his gangly limbs, too large ears and peach fuzz on his upper lip. 'Gods, and I went to Oxenfurt at that age!' he recalled. Twenty years later, the thought of sending a child to that place filled him with terror. He was glad that the boy could not see the grimace on his face. "At your service, my lord."

"Rise, Lord Lettenhove," he said with a thin voice. 'Gods, he's nervous,' Jaskier thought with amusement. "You, uh, have a beautiful castle."

'What pretty lines he has learned.' He had a hard time not smirking when he answered: "I am pleased to hear that. Are you looking for a new keep for yourself, my lord?"

The lad frowned deeply, obviously not understanding the jape. "Not at all."

"No? Are you then making plans for the future, my lord?"

Helplessly and quite confused Aleksander the Younger looked up at his father, who in turn had a hard time to keep from laughing. "Enough of the teasing, Pankratz," he chided softly. To his son he said: "I told you to guard your tongue with that one. Twisting the words in your mouth is his easiest exercise."

"I would never, your Lordship," Jaskier said quickly, smiling openly now.

"Now, don't add lies to the never-ending list of your sins. We're hungry and we're cold, so keep your mouth shut and lead us to your hall and serve us your best wine. We've deserved it."

Jaskier bowed again. "It would be my pleasure." He turned to his former betrothed. "Lady Alina, might you grant me the honour of accompanying you?"

She scowled and for a moment he feared she might decline, but then she took his offered arm. After a glowering stare of her elder brother she even dignified his formal phrases with equally stilted responses as the Count led the way to the hall as if he owned the place. 'Which he does,' Jaskier reminded himself.

Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Aleksander the Younger stumbled over his words to ask Ciri to walk with him, who graciously accepted and giggled stupidly. Then, as she took his arm she made a barbed comment that the boy did not understand but that made Janina gasp in thinly-veiled horror. He couldn't quite rid himself of pride welling up at that, despite the curtain lecture that surely waited for him once the Count left.

In the hall Jaskier hurried to pull the lord's chair back for the Count and tried to ignore the jealousy seeing him at the head end of his table, his heir at his right-hand side. 'You never wanted the stupid title anyways,' he told himself, 'so there's no reason for jealousy now.'

He himself sat down at his liege's left, with Lady Alina at his side. Opposite to them was Ciri next to Aleksander who looked just as miserable as Jaskier felt. As soon as the other guests had resolved their brief argument about who got to sit next to Józefa and had all settled into their seats, the food was brought out.

It was a lot, much more than needed to feed such a small party and Jaskier felt a little bad for wasting it. But that was the way things were and he could do nothing about it. So he had his guests’ plates and cups filled and kept full, maybe a bit too much so. Roman Milas was drunk before the hour was up.

After lunch the Count got up. "I'll be going on a hunt," he declared, "and you will come with me."

Jaskier's head snapped around. "Excuse me?" he answered with a frail voice.

"I believe you understood me quite well. We're going hunting, Pankratz."

'What for?' he wanted to ask but didn't dare to. It was late in autumn already, there were no hunts this late. Besides, there were no hounds in Lettenhove and they hadn't brought any with them either. 'We're not hunting for game, then,' he thought grimly and fought the urge to divest himself of his lunch again. "Of course," he answered instead. "My pleasure."

He left Ciri and Alina with his sisters and led the Count and his friends outside again, praying to all the gods he knew. He prayed that Geralt had finally learned how to listen to a fucking order. He had no idea what his liege could want with the witcher — and he had no desire to find out either.

It took all his carefully composed self-restrain not to let the anxiety that roared within him rise to the surface. ‘He’ll be fine,’ he told himself, ‘he’ll be fine, he’ll be fine, he’ll be fine. He has to be.’ Instead he tried to busy himself with what he did best: telling stories. Joyously he japed and jested, and he would’ve jigged to, were his feet not planted firmly in his stirrups. 

Aleksander the Elder called for all the raunchy stories of his time in Oxenfurt and he gladly delivered. And when he and his friends doubled over in their saddles with laughter, Aleksander the Younger appeared at his side, shyly asking whether he could tell him about the Academy. The boy wasn’t stupid, Jaskier soon discovered to his surprise, on the contrary. ‘He’s just young,’ he realised, ‘and it can’t be easy to find your voice with a father as loud as his.’

Still, the worry in his chest did not subside and he kept looking to the sky, where the sun inched towards the horizon far too slowly for his liking. Apparently, the Gods had heard his prayer, for they returned some hours later with empty hands and empty stomachs. Dinner was hastily brought out for the hungry hunters and after that the nobles retreated to the fireplace room in the East Wing.

Hangfelt claimed Jaskier's armchair and Aleksander Geralt's, so Jaskier was left standing awkwardly for a moment before begrudgingly retreating to the divan where Alina sat. Like that he was forced to continue the polite conversation, that quickly turned into the dullest interaction of his entire life, until she mercifully begged her brother's leave to retreat for the night.

“You may go,” the Count conceded. “Aleksander, go with her.”

“Father,” he whined pathetically, “you promised I could stay.”

“I promised you could stay the evening,” he growled. “The evening’s over, which means that women and children are going to bed.”

Jaskier hid his smirk and jerked his head in the direction of his sisters and Ciri. The princess was on her feet already and floated over to their guests. “Lord Retton,” she curtsied quickly, “Lady Alina, might you grant me the honour to show you to your rooms?”

Aleksander the Younger frowned and Jaskier smiled proudly. There was no way the young lord could politely refuse such an offer and he damn well knew it. So, he and Lady Alina went with Ciri and his sisters, and left Jaskier alone with Hangfelt and his men.

That finally gave Jaskier the opportunity to talk to the Count himself. "Lord Hangfelt," he said quietly, "might I talk to you in private?"

He scowled but nodded graciously, and allowed Jaskier to lead him to his study. "A drink, my lord?"

"Gladly," he answered as he sat down in Jaskier's chair by the window.

Jaskier poured two goblets of his best liquor — he'd need the courage — and brought them over to his lord. "Your witcher hasn't returned," he remarked as he accepted the drink; their cups clinked together, "and yet it is already dark. He's not very well trained."

"He's not an animal," Jaskier exclaimed indignantly before he could stop himself, "nor is he a prisoner. He may come and go as he likes."

"Not a very grateful guest, then, if he doesn't even come to greet his host's lord."

He clenched his jaw, desperately trying to think of a witty response. He wasn't fast enough though, for Hangfelt continued: "Hm. So, that cousin of yours... She does look an awful lot like you."

Jaskier tensed. 'Shit, I should have shut that rumour down as soon as it left Janina's lying lips.' "I suppose she does," he answered diplomatically.

That made the Count smile brightly. "Well?"

He hesitated. "Well... what, my lord?"

"Are you going to legitimise her?"

"Oh." Truth be told he hadn't even thought of that. He cursed silently. Well, maybe- "I haven't decided yet."

"Well, decide quickly, then. I like you, Pankratz. And as luck would have it, the betrothed of my dear Aleksander passed away from a fever a few months ago. I haven't decided on another match, yet."

For a few short moments Jaskier was stunned into silence, convinced that his ears had to be betraying him. 'Why would the Count want to bind me to his family tree?' Before he had even the chance to gather a clear thought his mouth blurted out: "What would you get out of it?"

Lord Hangfelt laughed. "Ever the clever man. Why, I would get Lettenhove back for a start.”

“Well, my lord, if you want it back, why not just take it?” He forced himself to smile. “You know just as well as I do that doing so is completely within your rights.”

“What, and just throw you out?” He shook his head. “No, Pankratz, I don’t think I’m keen on aggravating you anytime soon. Or your sisters, that is. I can’t afford a feud with neither Goldfurt nor Kerton. Not to speak of his Majesty’s uncle, who is so very fond of your Jolanta. And, judging by your reputation, you’d just flee to Oxenfurt and write a horrible cycle of smear poems that would ruin my reputation beyond measure, but not before seducing at least three of my siblings and my mother.” There was an amused twinkle in his eye. “Is that an accurate assessment?”

Jaskier quickly hid his smile. “I believe so, my lord.”

“I know four things about you. First, you were endowed by the gods with a vivid imagination and a silver tongue. I know about the games you play and it’s folly not to fear you. You could be more lethal than your witcher still. Secondly, you’re too clever for your own good. You graduated two terms early, summa cum laude, with begrudging recommendation letters from all your professors. While simultaneously managing to climb the steps of the Academy to the rooms above the vice-chancellor’s office. Don’t give me that look, Pankratz, I did my research. Thirdly, you know how to survive. You did that for sixteen years while trailing behind a witcher like a lost puppy and fucking your way through nigh every marital bed of the Continent. That’s rather impressive. And lastly, you are filthy rich. In fact, you’re the richest vassal I got and I know that you know how to become richer still. Is that about right?”

He nodded slowly. “Colour me impressed, my lord,” he answered, “I believe you’re seeing right through me.”

“Good.” A smile spread on his face. “So, Pankratz, I have to retract my earlier words. I do not want Lettenhove back. I want you. For good. And I want you to put that clever little brain of yours to good use. I think we can go far, you and I.” He leaned back and crossed his arms. “So, why don’t you tell me why you actually wanted to speak to me and we work out a trade?”

“A trade, huh?” he repeated quietly. That was a much better bartering position than he’d imagined himself to be in. “It is true that there is something I wanted to ask of you, though does it not require Fiona to wed your Aleksander.”

“Why ever not, Pankratz? I took you for an opportunist! Wouldn't you like your grandson to be a Count?"

Jaskier's head was spinning as the whole extent of the offer became apparent. He should, he guessed. As a Viscount, that was. He should be delighted with the opportunity to get Goldfurt within reach. If Ciri truly were his daughter, he probably would have agreed without thinking twice about it. 

But she wasn't. She was Ciri, sweet little Ciri, who had suffered so much already, who slept with stuffed animals and clung to his lips with whatever story he told; brave little Ciri, who'd be just as deadly with a blade as her father once she was grown. He couldn't barter her away. Never. Not even to- "She's only ten years old," he said quietly. "I don't want to take that kind of decision quite yet."

Lord Hangfelt snorted. "Don't be ridiculous. She’s more than old enough for a betrothal. Alina was scarcely ten months old when our fathers brokered the engagement."

'And what grief that betrothal brought,' he thought bitterly. ‘My bride was not even old enough to agree to an engagement when I could already be married.’ Another reason why he had chosen to hide in Oxenfurt for four years, though not before his father had forced his hand to sign the damned thing. "Allow me a bit more time to think about it. Please, my lord. I only just got her. Seven years I didn't even know of her existence. Don't take her from me just now. I can offer you something else in its stead."

"Tell me about your demand and we can see about that payment. How bad is it? Treason? Spying? Did you kill someone? Not a member of the court, I hope, I can't help you there."

"None of that, my lord, you'll be glad to hear. It's…” He wet his lips nervously. "Five generations ago my ancestors were granted this keep for their loyal services to your family. They have kept their peace, collected their taxes, furthered their interest. I have done nothing less. These ancient walls have protected those who bore my name ever since. Refugees were among them, and traitors, too, yet with your blessing no foe dared disturb the peace of this keep."

"Yes, as it is tradition."

Jaskier closed his eyes and swallowed his pride. 'Geralt could do it,' he told himself. 'And if the stoic witcher can, so can I.' Slowly, he went to his knees. "My liege, I am asking your leave to extend the Castle Peace that protects me and mine to Geralt of Rivia, as well."

"So, that's why he's not here." The Count of Hangfelt was silent for a long time. When he finally spoke, his voice was scarcely more than a whisper. "I thought as much, but gods above and below, Pankratz, you are beside yourself with fear. He's a witcher, he will be alright! What are you so afraid of?"

'Why don't you tell me?' he thought angrily. 'You're the one who's been searching for him for the better part of the afternoon.' But right now was the time for humility and humiliation, not anger. "Might I be allowed to finish my plea, my lord?" he asked, his eyes firmly lowered onto the carpet.

He snorted and waved his hand dismissively. "Well, then, wordsmith, talk away."

"The Witcher Geralt of Rivia is my dearest friend, whom I have known for almost half of my life. I love him like I would a brother. He arrived on my doorstep tattered and torn from the war that divides our beloved Continent, with bloodhounds on his heels. They turned around as soon as Lettenhove came in sight, but I do not know if they will stop without knocking a second time. It is not only Nilfgaard who calls for his head, but other factions, too, closer to my borders than I would like. I would like to protect him from these threats and any that might follow."

"You're asking for a lot, Pankratz, you know that," Aleksander Milas said quietly.

"I do, my liege."

"And how do you intend to pay for that?”

He swallowed. "I-" His tongue flicked out to wet his lips, but it did not help the dryness of his mouth. 'It's for Geralt,' he reminded himself, 'for Geralt and Ciri.' With a firmer voice than he would have thought possible, he said: "I accept, my lord. I will become a part of your family and help you with your ambitions. If your sister would still take me after the insults I have bestowed upon her."

"Hm," the Count said. “That’s a lot you offer for a bit of protection for your witcher.”

“It is,” he agreed quietly. “You said it yourself, four sixteen years I trailed after him like a lost puppy. He is very dear to me.” After a small pause he added: “Though I certainly wouldn’t be disinclined to another holding or two in exchange for my service.”

"Fine," the Count conceded after a moment of consideration. "Wed Alina if you're so fond of her, then. I'll draw up the contract."

Jaskier clenched his teeth. 'Shit.' That meant that there would be at least half a dozen clauses in it that he wouldn't like. Maybe if he talked to Geralt- No. He wouldn’t do that to them. He bowed his head instead. "I would be honoured," he answered.

The Count held out his hand and Jaskier took it with numb fingers to kiss the signet ring. "Belleteyn is a wonderful date for a wedding."

"I am inclined to agree, my liege."

"Get up now, liegeman, and go fetch your witcher. He'll have nothing to worry about from me tonight. And tomorrow he can swear to you and he will be safe."

"I am grateful for your generosity," he answered honestly.

"I'm certain you are. Now, stop frowning, this is a joyous day."

It was an order, but Jaskier couldn't find it in himself to follow it. 'A joyous occasion?' he asked himself. 'I sold my hand in marriage to shield Ciri from the same fate, and for what? To protect the man, I have loved for half my life with whom I can't lead a conversation that lasts longer than five minutes. Pray tell me, my lord, what is joyous about that?'

[homophobicfootmassage]

this is more kays brand than it is mine but i love my friends so here’s things i love about all my friends!!! (not all of the things i love bc theres so much!!!!)

Bunby: bunny so funny and nice..... dms me.... FUNNY image!!! and give s me some the best of the ksises !!! we have very good converstaions taxes and adults!!!! makes me feel cool and also wanted!!!! sososo funny makes so many good funny jokes!!! also dont tell them but their voice real nice.... loves doll!!!!! i love they doll

GEPPY!: geppetto make many good good jokes!!!!! soso funny i stole the way of talkig from them hehe!! i like them talk about my singing monsters and painting lps and theyre art so good!! when i see them i go hi hi hi hello hey hi because it makes me laugh it also they said it makes them laugh too!!! so double win!!!

kay: oh kaykaykay i love having funny talks with you and watch you stream! tallented!!!!!! you make so many good things and she made my sona!!!!!!!!!!!! i am indebted to her but do not tell her i think she will use it for evil!!!! just kidding hehe she so soso nice and also same timezone!!! mean extra funny happen when i am sleepy hehe

reX MONKEY!!!: we love gordon ass together and i think its very funny. rex art good and i hope he knows this!! every time he says something i laugh unless it is not a joke and sometimes even then i laugh he is just so funny!!!! sometimes he draws me and i always laugh bc it is sososo funny.

GEPPY 2: I AM FUCKING CRYING ME AND GEPPY DID A REMMY AND RODY ROELPLAY AND I HAVE NEVER LEUAGHED HARDER IN MY LIFE

ok back to other people KAcper!!!: kacper scared me in beginning bc he is SO cool. he has such good art and hes one of my favorite artist s ever!!!! but he is so cool and funny and he also talks about taxes with me!! has wonderful ocs that im sort of in love with (mike.) and i think thats really epic and cool of him!!!! so so good and also i pronounced his name wrong for like three weeks xoxo

wormie (evil and good vers): wormie is evil nb with me!!!!! wormie famous epic love them so so much!!! they didnt like skeleton rap but now they DO number one fan and thats so win!!! i feel like i dont talk to them enough wich suX bc they are sososososo funny and cool and nice!!!! i think they are win

zacccch: catboyyyyy!!!!!!!! so make good art and has proto who i am also in love with!!!!! i like talking to them so much and i think about them all the time so funny this post has taken me hours anyways i really like zach and he also intimidated me in the beginning but now we are friends and i think about that every day :)

sahaaara: SAHARAS AR T IS GOD TIER AND SO IS THEIR FIC!!!! i love them a lot and i like it when they talk they are always so cool!!! i wish i talke d them more but it is ok bc i see them on tumblr and i go eek!!! bc i love them sosososo much and their art is such a big inspo for me!!!

acornnn: always there when i need sombody to chat eith!!! very funny and epic also!!! i think theyre super nice and cool and also a catboy too but also they are an acorn so i dont know the truth. still very cool!!!!!! love them a very much

i have spent too long on this post i am posting now if i forgot someone i will dm them a personal michael message i am sorry

[justheretobreakthings]

In the Spirit of the Season - Chapter 4 of 4

In the Spirit of the Season - Chapter 4 of 4

(Previous Chapter)

Word Count: 1,414 (Total Word Count: 7,321) Read on AO3

And we’ve made it! The final chapter of my @voltronsecretsanta2k18 fic for @narts-art! Enjoy!

Over the coming days, things were better regarding Keith. Not perfect, but better.

He still spent too much time on the training deck, and he still didn’t eat enough, and he still was too quiet when he joined the group to grease up an abandon series of hallways to demonstrate how sledding worked, or to make paper snowflakes and paper chains to decorate the castle.

But, quiet though he was, he was there. He joined in on the activities without needing to be physically dragged, and once or twice Pidge even caught hom smiling.

And really, that was even more than she could have hoped for.

The night before the day that they had assigned to be their Christmas, Pidge pulled an all-nighter in one of the ship’s computer labs, trying to hone their radars in on a distant signal that seemed significant but not quite managing to calibrate them just the way she needed to.

She had conked out at some point during the night, and woken up with the imprints of button labels on her cheek from where she had wound up laying her head, and decided she may as well take a break for breakfast. So, with a yawn and a stretch, she got up and made her way to the kitchen.

Hunk was the only one there when she arrived, and he was busying himself drying a stack of recently-washed dishes on the counter. Pidge slipped past him to get into the fridge, pulling out a cup of what she recognized as an Altean snack that tasted like sort of an unexpectedly bland midpoint between yogurt and gelatin, and she nodded toward the dishes as she grabbed a spork and started digging in. “Guess I missed breakfast?” she asked.

“Yep,” Hunk answered. “And as a bonus, you missed lunch.”

“Seriously?”

“There’s leftovers, if you want those.”

“I’ll heat ‘em up later,” Pidge said. She raised a brow as Hunk turned, and she just now noticed the apron he was wearing. It was a spotless ivory-white, like new, and there was an elaborate embroidery on the front depicting the Yellow Lion mid-flight. “Where the heck did you get that?” she asked, pointing to it.

Hunk smiled down at the apron. “You like it? Coran gave it to me this morning. Made it himself. Turns out he was my Secret Santa.”

The bite of food in Pidge’s mouth went down the wrong pipe, leaving her coughing until Hunk thumped her on the back and she spat out, “Crap, that was today?!”

“Did you forget to make a present?” Hunk asked with a frown.

“No, no, but I forgot to leave the present out this morning! Damn it, Allura must think no one got her anything! I’m a terrible Santa!”

“Hey, hey, relax,” Hunk said. “I think Coran and I were the only ones who’ve already given out their presents this morning. You have the rest of the day.”

Pidge sighed in relief. “Oh, thank God. For a moment there, I thought – well, you know what I thought.” She set her food aside and dropped her spork into the sink. “I’m gonna go grab it now so I don’t forget.”

“Come back whenever you’re hungry,” Hunk said, waving her away.

Pidge hastened to her room, intending to grab the necklace she had made to go deliver it to Allura’s room. When she arrived and turned on the light, however, she found herself jumping back with a yelp at the sight of a humanoid shape sitting up on her bed.

Instinctively her hand darted to her side in search of her bayard, but at a second glance at the figure, she stopped, letting her hand go limp. In a stunned silence she stepped forward for a closer look.

The figure was around her own size. Legs made of old rubber tubing dangled over the side of the bed, leading up to a torso outfitted with green and white scrap paper assembled to resemble her usual shirt, with sporks sticking out of the paper sleeves like hands. An empty jug was fitted above the collar, topped with the overturned plumage of a large brown featherduster acting as hair. Pipe cleaner glasses covered bottlecap eyes, and a line of fruit stems arced across the face in a broad smile.

A tag was fitted to a tong on one of the sporks, but Pidge didn’t need to read it to know who her Secret Santa had been.

She snatched the necklace up from her desk, and pocketed it, reminding herself to drop it off soon. But there was something else she had to do first.

Keith’s room was in the next hallway over, and he had left his door unlocked, so it slid open when Pidge pressed the button outside it with its usual electronic hiss. Keith, towel slung over his shoulders post-training, because of course he had just come back from training, was sitting on the floor beside his bed, on which sat a long tray of red velvet cookies, with icing on them spelling out, one letter per cookie, MERRY CHRISTMAS EITH! The ‘K’ was currently in Keith’s hand, half-eaten.

Keith looked up as Pidge entered, and he gestured with a tilt of his head toward the cookies. “Do you want one?” he asked. Pidge didn’t say anything, so he continued. “Uh, Hunk made them. For the Secret Santa thing. I don’t know how he managed to make red velvet. Or how he knew I liked it – I think I mentioned it, like, once, in passing, but…”

“Hunk’s got a good memory for stuff like that,” Pidge said. “Keith, your… your present.”

“Mm-hm?”

“You made Trash Pidge.”

Keith nodded slightly, a hint of a smile playing out on his face. “Yeah. Yeah, I, uh… it’s just, when you – when you showed me the, uh, the Trash Paladins, I just thought – I mean, it kinda, it – it meant a lot, see, and I thought, you know, um, Trash Keith could use another friend, and – and it would make sense to have the whole trash family together, so, um…” He trailed off, his smile fading as he watched Pidge. “Is – is that okay? For a gift? I wasn’t sure – look, I can make something else if you don’t like – ”

He didn’t have time to finish the sentence before he was being tackle-hugged, Pidge having practically flown across the room and only narrowly avoiding squishing his cookies. “Don’t be an idiot,” she said, voice muffled as her face was pressed into Keith’s shoulder. “I love it. I love my Trash Pidge.”

Keith sagged in relief as he breathed out a sigh. “Oh. Good. Sorry, this is – this is my first time doing this sort of thing. A gift exchange, I mean.”

Pidge sat up, beaming at him. “Well, you should do them more often. You’re good at them.” She sat back onto the floor, letting her smile soften as she took him up on his earlier offer and took the exclamation-point cookie from the tray. “So you liked the Trash Keith? It meant that much to you?”

“Well, yeah,” Keith said. “Yeah, of course it did. It was – it’s like – ” He dropped his gaze to the cookie in his hands as he continued softly. “It’s a nice feeling, that someone actually, like… missed me. That’s never… that doesn’t happen, not really. Like, in the past, even when people say they’re going to keep in touch and stuff, they, um… I’ve just, like, never been important enough to – I – and then you made that thing, and – and it was like, it was physical evidence that someone actually – that you – ”

His voice began to shudder, and Pidge rapidly shook her. “No, no, nuh-uh, you’re not allowed to start crying on me, Kogane. Because if you start crying, then empathy’s gonna happen and I’m going to have no choice but to start crying, and then somewhere in the castle Coran’s feelings sense is gonna start tingling and he’ll start crying, and it’s just going to be a big ugly mess, so don’t you dare – ”

“I’m not crying,” Keith said, right before he sniffled, and Pidge could see his watery eyes through his overlong bangs.

“Holy hell, Keith, you are the worst goddamn liar of all time,” Pidge mumbled. She pulled her glasses off to wipe at her own eyes before leaning back in to resume their earlier hug. “Still – Merry Christmas, Keith.”

“Merry Christmas, Pidge,” Keith whispered back.

[whiparoundandcry]

Another submitted fic!!

Kai didn’t know why he thought keeping Jay busy for two hours would be a good idea. Yes I too, would like to entertain the ball of fluff that is my crush and keep them busy for two hours when nowadays I usually don’t last five minutes in a one on one conversation! Yes, this is best idea! Kai thinks sarcastically. Currently, the two of them were standing outside of Kai’s house. Staring at each other. Awkwardly. His eyes are really pretty….arugh! Focus!

“S-Sooo, uh. I was thinking, maybe we could…go someplace? Of your choosing? Maybe..out to eat? Or, go see a movie? Maybe?” Kai stutters at the start, voice a couple of octaves higher. He scratches the back of his neck nervously. Jay blushes beet red.

“S-S-So, i-is t-this like a, d-date?” Jay asks hesitantly, fiddling with the hem of his adorable baggy blue cat sweater. Adorable..ugh, focus Smith! Hmm….I wonder…Jay Smith…it rolls of the tongue…uhg, that’s the opposite of focusing!

“Oh–I–uh–I mean, if you want it to be….?” Kai asks hopefully, turning as red as Jay. Jay turns redder.

“Ok… it’s a date then!” Jay squeaks out in small voice. Kai freezes, turning even redder than Jay. “Um… K-Kai..you m-m-might n-need to g-grab a uh, ja-jacket, it’s kinda c-cold out…………….uh, Kai?” Jay giggles. Kai nods slowly.

“Uhhhhhh-right! Um, Jacket, yes, I’ll go get that. Go get one. I'm–I’ll be right back!” Kai turns around and smacks his head against the door.

“Ow….” Jay giggles from somewhere behind him. Shaking his head vigorously, Kai walk into his house and heads up to his room. Pulling his jacket on, he calls his sister.  

“Kai, what do need. We were just about to leave,” Nya answers, sounding irritated.

“Nya. I need help!”

“What happened,” Nya sighs.

“Jay asked if it was a date, a-a-and I said it could if he wanted it t-to be and he said it was and I’m freaking out right now!” Kai answers in a rush.

“Wait-”

“Sis I’m going on a date with my crush and I don’t know what to do help!”

“You. Are going. On a date. With Jay.”

“Yes and I need your heeeelp,” Kai groans.

“This is best day ever.”

“That’s not helping!”

“Well, why don’t you ask grandpa?”

“Because then he’d bother Jay for four hours!”

“True. Uncle Tom won’t, though. Heck, his husband and Jay are practically one in the same! Ask him,” Nya advises.

“Thanks. You’re the best, sis.”

“Virtual air hug?”

“Virtual air hug.” Kai hangs up on his sister, running to his Uncle’s room. Tom looks up, face brightening.

“Ah, Kai my boy! Come to hear my tales of the fishing trips with my hus-”

“Uncle Tom I’m going on a date with the boy I like and I don’t know what to and I need your help!”

“Woah, slow down there boy. Is the lucky boy here now? Kai nods breathlessly. Tom strokes his chin.

“Well, you can’t keep him waiting. Is he anything like good ‘ol Nicky?” Kai nods again. “Well, just try to keep 'em comfortable, and let them know how great they are; to an extent!” Uncle Tom gives a hearty laugh, and claps Kai on the back. “Go on kid. Have fun!” Kai smiles, ands is halfway out the door when he hears; “But not too much fun!”. Kai turns bright red.

“Uncle Toooom!” Kai whines. Tom laughs, shaking his head.

“I kid, I kid. Go on, don’t keep 'em waiting!”

“Thanks Uncle Tom!” Kai runs down the stairs and out the door, shutting it behind him.

“So, uh, where we going?” Kai asks, turning to Jay. Jay blushes.

“Um…..I don’t know?” Jay admits. Kai paues.

“Oh. Ok. Um, how about we….um, let’s walk to the park. It’s really pretty at night, and if we walk, it will uh, be at night-I mean, it will be nighttime,” Kai suggests, stumbling over his words. Jay smiles widely.

“That sounds awesome! I, uh, hehe, I’d love to.” Jay giggles. Kai can’t help but grin.

“Great! But uh, I think I might need a scarf.”

______________

Jay didn’t know what he was doing. Kai had called, asking if he could come over to his place, and he agreed. Without asking his parents. But, they would gone until tomorrow night, so that was good. And here Jay was, standing outside Kai’s house, staring awkwardly at him. Y’know, looking into those gorgeous amber-green eyes I could just get lost in forever, with the bright shine of joy always there. The green flecks on top of the that just seemed to swim around in his eyes, an amber ocean of joy, happiness, and love and adoration–wait hold the phone, love?! Oh, he’s talking. I should probably listen.

“S-Sooo, uh. I was thinking, maybe we could…go someplace? Of your choosing? Maybe..out to eat? Or, go see a movie? Maybe?” Kai stutters at the start, voice oddly higher. Jay blushes beet red. Wait what? Of my choosing? So is this….?

“S-S-So, i-is t-this like a, d-date?” Jay asks hesitantly, fiddling with the hem of his. sweater. Oh god, why did I ask him that? He’ll probably say no and-

“Oh–I–uh–I mean, if you want it to be….?” Kai asks hopefully. Hopefully?! Kai turns as red as Jay. Did just….this is date?! This can be a date?! He’ll allow it to be a date if I want?  And he wants it to be a date? Even though I might say no? Why is that so attractive? Oh god help me! Jay turns even redder than Kai had.

“Ok… it’s a date then!” He squeaks, voice small. Okay okay okay, stay calm! Kai freezes, turning an even brighter shade of red then Jay. Oh, did he not want me to say that? Or was he just not expecting me to say that?

“Um… K-Kai..you m-m-might n-need to g-grab a uh, ja-jacket, it’s kinda c-cold out…….uh, Kai?” Jay giggles as Kai remains unresponsive. Kai nods slowly, face still blank.

“Uhhhhhh-right! Um, Jacket, yes, I’ll go get that. Go get one. I'm–I’ll be right back!” Kai turns around to go get a jacket and smacks his head against the door.

“Ow….” Jay giggles at Kai’s daze. Oh apples he really didn’t expect me to say that…..but to be honest I didn’t expect me to say that either. Shaking his head vigorously, Kai walks into his house. Oh gosh I am going on a date with my crush! My highschool crush! Who I’ve had a crush on since Middle School! The one who also is a part of the Secret Ninja Force! With the amazing everything! Date! With me! This is the best day of my life! Wait, but didn’t he say-

“Sis I’m going on a date with my crush and I don’t know what to do help!” Jay freezes as he hears Kai’s wail. Oh. Spicy. Bananas. He has a crush on me too?! I mean, that’s a given, and obviously he does, but I just-

“Uncle Toooom!” Jay jumps as Kai’s whine drifts through the walls. Okay, talking to his uncle. Cool. Oh, Hot Pepperoni I was supposed to figure out what we were going to do!

“Thanks Uncle Tom!” Nooooo, he’s coming! I need more time! And, did he ask his uncle something? Jay jumps slightly as the door shuts, turning to Kai.

“So, uh, where we going?” Kai asks. He blushes.

“Um…..I don’t know?” Jay admits, embarrassed. Kai pause to think. Okay, I Know I suck but you don’t need to sugar-coat i-

“Oh. Ok. Um, how about we….um, let’s walk to the park. It’s really pretty at night, and if we walk, it will uh, be at night-I mean, it will be nighttime,” Kai stumbles over his words. That sounds so romantic! And just, amazing! Jay can’t help but smile widely.

“That sounds awesome! I, uh, hehe, I’d love to.” Jay giggles at the thought mid-sentence. Ohhh, I can just imagine, us walking, hand in hand, maybe some stargazing, perhaps a goodnight kiss…..I love it! Kai grins.

“Great! But uh, I think I might need a scarf.” Jay rolls his eyes, grinning nonetheless.

“You don’t think?”

“Oh shut it, you sarcastic nugget. I’ll be right back,” Kai ruffles Jay’s hair, then disappears back into his house. Jay blushes at the action. Did he just ruffle my hair?! How dare he! And, side note to self, 'sarcastic nugget’? Do I like that? Yeah, I like that. Kai returns with a red scarf around his neck. It looks good on him….but I guess that’s just because it’s red.

“Lezgo!” The two Ninja turned and began their walk. Kai had his hands in his signature jacket, while Jay’s were by his side. They walked in a comfortable silence, nothing particular happening, until Kai hesitantly reached over and took Jay’s hand. Jay’s mind froze. Oh Cheese Its flipping off pigeons, Kai is holding my hand! Abort, abort, mission abort! This panic causes Jay to freeze. Kai pulls his hand away.

“Oh, is, that too much?” Kai asks, sounding sad. Jay is quick to react, and takes back Kai’s hand.

“No, no! Not at all! You just, surprised me, that’s all!” Jay smile brightly at Kai, who looks visibly relieved.

“Oh. Ok. Shall we continue-woah!” The Fire Ninja cuts himself off with a startled shout as Jay suddenly starts dragging him.

“Onward, to glory!” Jay shouts, dragging Kai along for a few yards, before slowing down to a walking pace. Kai chuckles beside him.

“You’re a dork, you know that?” Kai asks, looking over at the other Ninja. Jay gives Kai a grin.

“I do know that. Thank you for the reminder, though.” Jay giggles. The two Ninja continue to walk hand and hand. When they arrive, the sun had long since set, the bright and brilliant stars above them, streetlamps gently lighting the path, the moon and the stars the grass and trees.  Jay’s eyes widen.

“Wooaaah! Kai, It’s-” Jay gasps as they come to the edge of the park with the ocean view. The moon and stars were reflected in the still blue waters, the night sky a mix of blues, purples, pinks and oranges, with the moon huge, and the stars bright.

______________

Jay turns to Kai, electric blue eyes shining bright, the night sky reflected in them.

“Kai? Can we go stargazing?” Jay asks hopefully, looking up at Kai. His hair was messed up, and it was billowing in the gentle breeze, as was his scarf. Kai smiles lovingly. Aww..Jay..Kai decides to take a risk. Ok. Don’t screw this up, Smith! This could be too much, but here goes nothing! Kai turns and wraps an arm around his waist, pulling him close, pressing a quick kiss to Jay’s temple.

“Of course we can,” Kai says, rubbing Jay’s left side, resting his forehead against his head. Jay freezes, turning as red the The Fire Ninja’s gi. Okay, not a good response, but okay. It’s not bad eith-Jay nuzzles Kai’s chest, before bolting out onto the middle of the field, dragging Kai behind him.

“Woah! Woah! Slow down, are you trying to kill me–oof!” Kai gets the wind knocked out of him as Jay drags him to the ground.

“Owwww….my but!” Kai complains. Jay giggles, an adorable sound. Jay snuggles close to Kai, resting his head on his chest. Kai reaches up and slings an arm around Jay’s waist, the other reaching across his chest to hold one of Jay’s hands.

“The stars look beautiful tonight, don’t they?” Jay asks, looking over at Kai.

“Yeah. I love this place. I always come here to clear my head. Especially after……”

“Your parents?” Jay asks softly. Kai turns his head to look at Jay, whose eyes were filled with cautious curiosity, head using his scarf as a pillow(It was still on his neck), curled slightly up in a ball.

“Yeah…..,” He finally replies, turning his head back to the stars.

“Hey, Kai?”

“Yes Jay?”

“What does this make us?”

“Well,” Kai turns his whole body to the side to look at Jay, “It makes us whatever you want us to be. But, if you would give me the pleasure of being my boyfriend, I would a very, happy man.” Jay blushes a light pink color.

“I-I w-would love, to be your b-boyfriend, Kai.”

After an hour of stargazing and cuddles, they walk back to Jay’s place.

“I had fun tonight, Kai. Thank you for, giving me a chance,” Jay looks directly into The Fire Ninja’s eyes, voice sincere. Kai grabs Jay’s hands into his own.

“I’m glad you liked it. I had fun too,” Kai replies, hugging the smaller brunette. They pull away, but just stare into each other’s eyes. Kai slowly begins to lean closer, but then pauses. Damn, I really want to kiss him but-Kai thoughts are interrupted as Jay grabs Kai’s scarf and pulls him into a kiss. Kai is frozen for a split second, before wrapping his arms around Jay’s waist, slowly kissing back. Kai could swear he felt fireworks when Jay kissed him. No, nuclear bombs. He wished he could freeze time in this moment and live in it forever. It wasn’t an overly passionate, lustful, powerful, or rough kiss. It was just slow, and full of love. Jay drapes his arms around Kai’s neck, deepening the kiss. When they they finally break apart for air, they rest their foreheads together, breathing heavy. His lips taste like Caramel..and they’re so soft…

“Wow…,” Jay breathes. Kai chuckles.

“Yeah….wow…so uh, see you in training tomorrow?” Kai asks, adjusting so they weren’t so close. Jay nods.

“Yeah…s-see you soon, Kai,” The Lightning Ninja says breathlessly. The previous presses a long kiss to Jay’s forehead.

“See ya, Jaybird.”

(Hi um so my phone broke but a month ago so I didn’t get the reminder that it was your birthday so here have this fic I wrote a year ago as a late birthday present. btw the most recent chapter of earbuds is so angsty I love)

AHHH THANK U this is a wonderful birthday present!!! The boys are so fuckin cute, locked forever in a battle to out blush the other. Jay dragging kai down the street so so cute jifsda I really loved their date!!! thanks so much for submitting this QwQ <333

[dianaraven]

Who am I kidding, all of you do

Anyway cats brain only

THEY LITERALLY TAKE OUT ALL OF THE SUBTEXT

DO THEY THINK WE'RE ALL STUPID???

"They have to sing a song" so people who hate musicals will shut the fuck up during this musical that has no actual lines in the original book

lol i love how Mistoffelees says "mr. mistoffelees!" before singing the beginning of jellicles come to the jellicle ball, ok babe thats  horrible transition ♡

The writer of these lines and the director should be shot

Rebel wilson's jenny any-dots is possibly one of the worst interpretations of her character. She is neither serious nor does she (which fits in line better with wilson's clear intent) have any predatory subtext. She's just weird.

The dancing (other than jenny anydots song) is fabulous. At least they filled the unames with good singers and acrobats and dancers

SHE UNZIPS HER SKIN THATS SO HORRIBLE AT LEAST IN THE PLAY ITS OBVIOUS SHES WEARING A DRESS THAT LOOKS LIKE HER FUR

Also lol having to explain macavity early? Why? There is plenty of buildup with him just lurking around

i love them wearing furs lmao so mindfucky

Ok so derulo isnt horrible as rum tum tugger but wilson's interludes are so disruptive

But i like the subtle munkustrap hate for his bro

ICKKK STOP GIVING VICTORIA MAIN CHARACTER SYNDROME STICK TO THE ACTUAL PLAY OH MY GOD

the scale is so off lmaooooo

THE RUM TUM TUGGER DOESNT ACTUALLY LIKE ONE CAT OVER ANOTHER THATS THE WHOLE POINT HES A WOMANIZER... catonizer?

Yesss get it derulo riff babe!!!

Where's her scream? Wheres the cat orgy scene????? Wheres the gyration!??!

Damn grizabella got a voice girl go off

Yess munkustrap disciplining them when they go too far

"Went with mcavaty"???? What???? Hello??!??! What?!??!?

IS MACAVITY GONNA KILL HER

WHAT

HE THANOSED HER

WHAT THE FUCK

(Also i hate how the cats nominate themselves here that defeats the purpose)

Victoria PI??????

Also lmaoo they all hate grizabella for being with macavity (????) But they dont actually like recognize him when he shows up???

Really? Balls jokes? Do they have no respect for this show?

Wow. This is like... mcu-ification on the purest level

Oh NOW the recognize macavity????

IS HE LIKE THE DEVIL???? WHAT DID MACAVITY JUST MAKE BUSTEFER JONES JUMP INTO HELL????

I actually really like the mungojerrie and rumpleteaser song interpretation

No notes A+

SCALE GOOGLE IT WTF

Not loving how they make fun of mr. mistoffelees :(

So he kidnapped them? Oh. So thats why each one has to introduce themselves so macavity can snap them out of the competition?

I like tiger 😳 hes cute

YASS MY BABE MUNKUSTRAP GOT A GOOD ACTOR!!! BOY IS ACTING HIS HEART OUT 👏👏

Victoria's actress is also good

FAVORITE BOY MUNKUSCRAP 😍😍😍 everyone loves him

Not me wanting to write a munkuscrap&tugger fic about sibling rivalry 🙈🙈🙈

Not loving the Mistoffelees victoria romance :grimacing: weird but ok

The choreography is fabulous tho

Jellicle ball is stunning. Too bad they werent animated eith buttholes tho /s

PERSIANS 👏👏 WHERE ARE THE PERSIANS 👏👏

The juxtaposition of jellicle ball/jellicle moon/all the cats dancing in the jellicle moon and it giving them energy and then grizabella singing memory 👌👌👌 *chef's kiss*

Im sorry is the message of the new song is to...? Love yourself but also join the jellicles? Like its a pretty song but...  are they saying forget your past and live in the now??? Thats not what memory (the song) is about??!?!? Its about your rose colored glasses but regretting your old self

Victoria isnt a jellicle??? What??? Since when??

Yeah. We get it. Mr. Mistoffelees is a magic cat. Thats why hes called mr. Mistoffelees the magic cat. Ykno. His name.

I hate the cats singing their own songs.

WHY IS SHE INTRODUCING THEM??? THEIR NAMES ARE IN THE SONGS!!!!

Yass my boy gets to sing more

OOO SOME TAP (BECAUSE THEY CUT THAT FROM JENNY ANYDOTS >:( )

Ok but why does skimbleshanks look like a twunky dom who likes red tho?

So bombalina is supposed to be "on macavity's side" in this version??? Ignoring that he clearly abused her and her daughter? And that macavity is a cautionary song??? Ok

" Macavity is a ginger cat, large thin" uh so not idris elba? Dont get me wrong i love idris elba but uh.

Why does bombalina have heels????? People can recognize her cuz she is taylor swift!!!

Wtf is he drugging them with??? Thats not catnip? What?

Really??? Thats how theyre doing mr. Mistoffelees??? Okay. Ig.

I do like the explanation of mungjerrie and rumpleteaser working for macavity tho

Munkustrap my looooveeee

Ok the mr. Mistoffelees song is cute :3 (but im a little biased cuz my boi is getting some recognition in his proper role)

Oh really? Cuz of victoria's powr of love? Ok. Sure. Whatever. Have this one. Fine.

Really? If jenny anydots could have done that the whole time why didnt she do it earlier?

Macavity didnt go after rum tum tugger cuz he knows whats UP 😤😤

What does it say on munkustrap's collar?

"You are the jellicle choice" duh

Does m the james cordon cat .... is gay?

Oh so NOW old deturonemy is speaking to the audience????? What happened to victoria = the audience???? Who do they think she's talking to????

"You truly are a jellicle cat" BLEHHHHHH

Why did macavity tell taylor swift to go with him??? Wht part of his final plan had anything to do with her????

Anyone wanna see my live notes from me watching cats 2019 for the first time?