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giuliafc · 3 years

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Faceless

My Miraculous Ladybug Big Bang Fanfiction is FINALLY out!

Faceless

Read on Ao3 || FFN

When Ladybug rejects Chat Noir one time too many and a little too harshly, Adrien is left heart-broken and unable to process the umpteenth blow. This leads him to be akumatised to 'Faceless', an akuma whose power is to change people into the face of their true love. Identities get revealed, Marinette confesses her feelings, and Luka... well, Luka ends up wearing a different pair of earrings, for once.

Please, if you read, leave me a comment and let me know what you think! <3

Language betas: Khanofallorcs, Agrestebug, Lady Elaine, Myimaginationflows, Lots_of_free_time

Concept betas: Genxha, Malauu-Ladynoir, Etoile-Lead-Sama, and Rosehealer02

MLBB artists who illustrated this story: Lizzie! and Imogen

Also, big thank yous to Mikauzoran for their help with Japanese!

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by (c) Thomas Astruc, TS1 Bouygues, Disney Channel, Zagtoon, Toei Animation. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Written for the Miraculous Big Bang event.

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Chapter 1 - One too many...

"It’s okay to be sad. You don’t owe anyone a performance of being okay when you feel like you’re falling apart."

Daniell Koepke

"Let someone love you the way you are - as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are. To believe that you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect, is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dark room."

Mark Hack

oOoOoOoOoOo

The akuma wasn't a difficult one. They had just broken for lunch after Mlle Bustier's lesson, when a worker at the local cinema had been akumatised because someone left a popcorn disaster under one of the seats. Ladybug and Chat Noir found themselves fighting against a giant popcorn machine that turned people into popcorn, and a sentimonster-hovervac that sucked them up. But the giant popcorn didn’t move very smoothly, so it wasn't very difficult for the heroes to defeat. When they landed atop Montparnasse Tower to debrief before heading back to school, they still had a couple of minutes left on their timer.

That's when Chat Noir bowed in front of Ladybug and skillfully presented her with a single red rose. "Voilà. A beautiful rose for a beautiful Lady."

"Oh, Chaton," said Ladybug as a sad smile curled her lips. She picked the rose in her hand, and looked at it with a sad frown. She tried to hand it back to him, but he wouldn't take it. "You know I can't accept it."

Chat Noir's ears drooped and his smile faded into a pout. His throat clenched over as a sour taste filled his mouth. She had told him that so many times and, from the way that she had treated him recently, there was no way her heart had changed.

He had sighed and cried into his pillow at night as he thought of how useless he had been in the last few fights, how his presence hadn't even been needed, how he was always the last hero to arrive on the battlefield. Like it had happened when they had faced Optigami and he had arrived after the akuma had been destroyed. He had discussed it with Plagg to no end. His little black friend had advised him against it, but he had to give it a shot.

She cupped a hand to his cheek. "We can't, Chat Noir. Papillombre would use it against us." She clenched her fists holding the rose in her hands more firmly. "I do love you; you know that, right? You're my partner and my best friend with the mask. But I can't love you the way you want me to. I told you so many times that you should stop flirting with me, Minou. If you keep doing what you've always done, you will always get what you've always got. Why do you continue to hurt yourself? We can't be together, you should know that by now. Instead, you keep presenting me with roses that I cannot accept!"

He mulled on it for a very long time, his gaze locked into hers. "You're still in love with the other boy?" he eventually asked, after having slouched his shoulders and sighed.

She moved towards the banister and gazed down at the city underneath them, full of movement and life. "It's not that," she admitted. But when Chat Noir's ears perked up again, she paled and her eyes opened wide. She continued quickly, "I still can't accept, Chaton. I don't feel like being in any relationship at the moment."

He gulped.

"What do you mean, LB? Have you grown out of love with your mystery boy?"

She gave him a glassy look full of tears. "It's not that either. It's complicated, Chat Noir." The pout on his face widened as she continued, "My life is very complicated."

He sighed. "I know that being the Guardian you have a lot of responsibilities, but you never talk to me about them. I've told you plenty of times that I'm here for you to share the load if you need me to, but you always push me away. Why, LB? Don't you trust me?"

"It's not that," she blurted out. She eyed him a couple of times, like a prey that has seen a hunter following its track and is trying to avoid getting caught.

"What is it, then? Lately, I always seem to get to the fight last and new holders pop out of nowhere and defeat the akuma before I even get there. When was the last time that my presence was crucial to the outcome of the battle? You say that you don't want to replace me, that I'm irreplaceable, but your actions don't match your words. I feel so...useless." He heard her holding her breath and gave her a sad look before continuing, "I hate being kept in the dark, Buguinette."

"Why does everyone want to know things?" She put her hands to her temples and closed her eyes shut. "My parents wanted to know things. My friends wanted to know things. They put me under such great pressure because they wanted to 'help me'. I was tired of lying to them, Chat Noir. I was lying to my parents, I was lying to my friends; it got to the point that I told them to get out and never come back. I felt that I wasn't allowed to have friends because of my role as a Guardian, that I wasn't allowed to have a life. I felt so alone!"

"But I was there! I wanted to help you!"

"I couldn't accept your help! Don't you understand that? I needed someone who knew me in my civilian life. I needed someone I could rely on without the mask! That's why I told her!" she shouted. But as soon as she did, she noticed Chat Noir widening his eyes and felt all blood draining from her face. Her heart stopped.

"You did...what?" asked the feline.

Ladybug wished the ground would swallow her whole. "Uh, eh…" she stuttered, looking down at her hands and starting to fidget nervously with her fingers, but Chat Noir grabbed her by the shoulders and raised her chin to force her to look at him.

"You did what, Ladybug?"

She looked down. "I told...my best friend."

"WHAT?" He was looking at her with an incredulous gaze, that kind of gaze that knows the truth but doesn't want to believe it. That kind of gaze that begs the other person to disprove the obvious conclusion and let out a new truth. "I thought you told her because you needed to leave the city without a Ladybug."

Ladybug closed her eyes shut; she cupped her empty hand on her face and started crying. "I'm sorry. I know you thought I had revealed myself out of necessity the time Hack-san akumatised Markov again, but I didn't tell you the entire truth." She looked at him briefly and must have seen how all blood had drained from his face and how wide his eyes had gone because she closed her eyes shut again as heavy sobs shook her frame.

"I was overwhelmed! So lonely...really needed a friend. Everybody wanted the truth from me. My parents, my friends, my best friend, the boy I was going out with...everyone! I had lost everything. I was lying to everyone. Me, the person who hates liars, was being the worst liar in history. I felt I wasn't going to get out of it, that I couldn't have friends, I couldn't have a relationship, I couldn't have a life while I was Ladybug!"

She cried some more into her hand. "I had to give up on pursuing the boy I love. I had started a relationship with another boy, who told me he loved me, to try and forget the boy I love, but I had to give up on him too, because he wanted the truth! And the truth was the very thing I couldn't give him. I was heartbroken, I didn't know what to do!" She glared at him, completely missing the pallor of his face and the shock in his eyes. "I couldn't talk to you about it because we're supposed to keep our identities a secret from each other. My best friend was the only person I could rely on!"

"You started a relationship with another boy? Only because he told you that he loved you?" He pursed his lips when she nodded and lowered his gaze. "I see. It's okay, you don't have to love me, I would never force you into anything. But it does hurt to find out how many things you aren’t telling me. You don't trust me at all."

"I do trust you! I trust you with my life, every day, at every battle."

He glared at her and he could clearly see how she paled under his gaze. "Then act like it!" He saw her paling further. "I'm tired," he added. "I'm tired of being lied to."

"What do you mean? I've never really lied to you, I've only hidden...things...from you!" Her brows furrowed, her gaze locked into his. He had gotten her attention, for all it was worth.

"I know about Rena and Carapace."

She gasped. "Y-you know what about them?"

"I know who they are. And I know that they know each other's identities. They're a couple. And you allowed them to know. You gave them their Miraculous at the same time." He couldn't avoid spitting the words out as if they were poisonous. He looked at her shocked expression and sighed. "Plagg told me it would be useless to talk to you about it. Forget it, it doesn't matter."

"Y-you know who they are?" she whispered, her eyes still open wide.

He nodded. "Yes."

"And you know I gave them their Miraculous at the same time," she muttered to herself. Her gaze became distant, as if she was trying to remember something very hard. "I don't think there was anybody in that room when I gave them their Miraculous, so it means one of them told you."

He nodded again. "Yes."

She pouted. "I will need to have a word with Nino," she muttered under her breath. "But, Chaton, you don't know the entire situation. Did he tell you when that happened?"

"No, he just said that you gave them their Miraculous at the same time," admitted Chat Noir, still sounding quite harsh.

"It was an accident. I didn't have the time to get to them separately and had to make a choice." She noticed that his gaze was still harsh and his hands were still clenched into fists. "They're only temporary holders, Chat Noir. And they don't hold a Miraculous as important as mine; or yours."

"It's still a Miraculous, though," he said. "And Papillombre knows their identity. It would be easy for him to use them to get at me, or at you. Why can they know each other's identities and we can't?"

She cupped a hand on his cheek. "Papillombre could hold it against u—"

"BULLSHIT!" He pushed her hand away. The hurt in her face when he looked back at her was so evident it pained him. "It's not that. Or at least, it's not ONLY that. I can sense it, Ladybug. There's something else you're not telling me. I can see it in your eyes. In the frown that you give me every time we talk about it." She furrowed her brows and he pointed at her face. "There, that frown. You don't trust me. For some reason I can't understand, you're pushing me away. You're keeping me as far as you can from you."

Tears streamed from her bluebell eyes. "You don't understand," she said as she clenched her fists to the sides of her head and closed her eyes shut. "You can't understand!"

He grabbed her by the shoulders, forcing her to look him in the eye. "THEN MAKE ME! I want to understand, Buguinette. But I can't understand unless you give me the whole picture. Instead, the more I try, the more you push me away."

She started crying. "I can't." Her eyes were full of tears and she finally managed to get out of his hold and look down.

He also looked down, slouching his shoulders. "And there I was, hoping that, at least today, things would be different. Of all times, I had to find out today how much our partnership is a farce—"

"—What about today?" she interrupted him. Her hand left his cheek and moved to her chin, starting to rub it thoughtfully.

"You don't remember? It's been a year. A year since Stone Heart. That's why I wanted to give you the rose."

He saw the gleam of comprehension that passed through her bluebell eyes and smiled sadly. She looked at him with a gaze so full of emotion that he felt a big lump in his throat and had to gulp.

"A year since…you turned my world upside down."

"I'm sorry. Everyone has to come to terms eventually to the fact that their dreams are too… impossible."

She looked away and as she did that, her gaze fell on the nearest billboard to their rooftop, obviously featuring Adrien's beautiful face.

She sighed. "I had to give up on my dreams, too, as I told you." Her eyes started burning, as tears popped out of the corners of her mask. "I still love that boy, Chaton. More than words can say." It took her all her strength to tear her gaze from the billboard and look at Chat Noir again. "That's why I can't be with you. You and I will never be together that way."

She gave him a quick peck on the cheek, like the one he had given her a long time ago, when she rejected him the first time, and gave him back his rose.

"I'm really sorry, Chat Noir." Her voice cracked and she sniffed loudly. He turned around, feeling as if the whole world was falling and the ground was unsteady under his feet. He couldn't look at her anymore.

She tried to put a hand on his shoulder, but he pushed it away and didn't turn around again. So, eventually, she twirled her yoyo and disappeared in the distance.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Plagg didn't even go to get his cheese when Adrien released his transformation. He just stared at his chosen with the saddest look in his electric green eyes. He was uncharacteristically quiet, but it was clear from the position of his ears flat on his head, and the way his tail flapped left and right that he was extremely upset. Adrien fumbled with his hand into the pocket of his shirt, taking out the slice of Camembert he knew his little friend needed to recharge. Plagg took it from his hand, but didn't start eating it. Again, uncharacteristic of him.

They were in the school boiler room—Adrien had detransformed and just ducked into it when he saw Chloé walking his way. He wasn't in the right frame of mind to face the blonde. He wasn't in the right frame of mind to face anyone. He walked the corridor aimlessly and ended up in the very place he and Marinette had consoled Juleka a few weeks back, sitting down in the exact same way, his back resting against the wall, his face buried in his knees. At least he knew that nobody would find him there. When it had happened to Juleka, he and Marinette had found her by mere accident.

"Gamin," Plagg attempted to say. Adrien's face didn't appear from behind his knees, not a sound came out of his mouth. Plagg pouted and moved his slice of cheese in just one paw, to use the other one to pat Adrien gently on his hair. "I'm sorry."

At that, Adrien's face jerked up, his green eyes full of tears, but opened wide as he shot an incredulous look to Plagg. His eyes widened even more when he noticed that the kwami hadn't still touched his cheese.

"Eat your Camembert, Plagg." He sniffed. "God forbid that Papillombre decides to send yet another akuma and we're not prepared."

But Plagg didn't touch his food and just stared.

"I said: eat your Camembert," said Adrien a little louder. Plagg started munching not very enthusiastically at the cheese in his paws, following each and every tear that fell down Adrien's cheeks with his electric green gaze, for once, void of any mockery. Adrien picked up the single rose that he'd tried to give Ladybug a few minutes ago and glared at it. He scrutinised every single corner and every single petal and then clenched the stem into his shaking fist.

"There were thorns on that stem," stated Plagg matter of factly. "I'm the God of Destruction, but you're not, Adrien. You should look after yourself."

He threw the rose angrily against the wall and looked at the palm of his hand, now bleeding from a couple of places where a thorn had cut the skin. "Why? Nobody would care," he muttered under his breath.

Plagg threw the slice of cheese in the air and ate it by catching it with his mouth and only chewing a couple of times. "I would, and you know it."

"Nah," said Adrien, closing his eyes and waving his hand dismissively. "You only want your cheese. There will be another Chat Noir who will give you Camembert."

Plagg flew to his nose and locked gaze with him. "I hate repeating myself, Adrien. I told you once already. Yes, there will be another Chat Noir that will buy me cheese. But he won't be you." When Adrien stared back blankly at him and just sighed, Plagg's ears went flat on his head, his tail flapping back and forth. "Maybe the Bug doesn't need you, but I do."

"Thank you, buddy." This time Adrien's hand reached for his little friend's head and gave him a quick, affectionate pat and a rub behind his ears. But there was no cheerfulness, no joy in his gesture. He smiled his fake model smile.

Although Plagg enjoyed the contact, he was painfully aware that his words hadn't really hit the target. "But I'm not enough, right?" he asked as Adrien sighed and hid again his face behind his knees. "We could run away from your home, run away from Ladybug and open that cheese shop I was telling you about the other day. Wouldn't it be great to live 24/7 surrounded by the smell of gorgeous gooeyness?" As he said that, his voice raised, his little body floated up in the air, with his paws up and his eyes lost in his imagination. That earned him a sad chuckle.

"Yeah. I already told you that it wouldn't work. You'd eat all the cheese and we'd be left with nothing to sell." Adrien sighed. "Thanks for trying to cheer me up, buddy. I just… can't." His face returned to hide behind his knees as he fell silent and after a couple of minutes, his frame was shaken by deep sobs. "Not even a second choice. That's how much she values me. Not even a second choice!" He sobbed some more against his knees. "She told someone else that she's Ladybug, but she won't tell me who she is."

Plagg's ears went flat again. He floated to Adrien's head and used his paws to gently pat his hair while the soothing ronron of his purr filled the silence of the room. "I'll keep watch for butterflies," muttered Plagg. "You're going to get akumatised at this rate."

"I don't care!" screamed Adrien's voice coming from behind his knees. He didn't even bother to look at Plagg and just kept sobbing.

To be continued...

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Author’s Note:

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Hello everyone and Happy New Year! I can't believe that I can finally present to you this story that I have been writing for the last 6 months for the Big Bang event. It's been hard, it's been lonely (sadly I couldn't even show snippets or anything else!), and it's been scary, especially when Ephemeral came out and I thought for a second that I would need to pick this story up and dump it in the bin. But luckily, for some miracle, it didn't happen. went close to it, and I had to adjust a few things in order to make it fit with Ephemeral, but I want to point out that I wrote the whole part up to Adrien's akumatisation before watching the episode, because I wanted to keep it mine, without interference from Canon. Luckily I managed to achieve my aim.

So here it is. 12 chapters of angst, pain, self discovery, and, especially for Marinette, learning to love Adrien for real…well I can't say no more, or I'll spoil it for you all. It's been very interesting to write it and I've loved the concept and the idea behind it so much!

Just one note, that you may have seen in the tags already: there are hints in this story about the possibility that Adrien may be a sentimonster. They're nothing more than what we have seen in canon. I've left it very vague right because we're not sure yet, so I don't want to lean towards yes or no myself, since canon isn't in any way clear. But I had to do something because a scene wouldn't have worked otherwise. I'm saying it to warn you, in case you're completely against the idea. I know the feeling. I too, as people who follow me here on Tumblr know very well, am not convinced at all. I had to work hard to actually accept the possibility and process it myself, because I was very rigidly against the theory to start with. But Ephemeral and Gabriel Agreste broke me and I had to add the hint in case it was true.

Also, I nearly forgot, if you're not a member yet, please join our discord server, @miraculousfanworks

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