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patrick-donovan · 4 years

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TEACHER | THATTIEMELT

WHEN: June 2nd, 2020.

WHERE: Thea Hudson’s house.

WHO: Thea Hudson & Patrick Donovan

EVENT: Thea invites Patrick over and lets him use some of her drawing materials and it kinda escalates.

PATRICK: Patrick hadn’t really slept for the past couple of days. It had mostly been because of the whole situation; he didn’t want to go to sleep, because he didn’t want to miss out on any opportunity there might have been, to go home. He was still not feeling completely safe with going to sleep, and had only gotten a few hours here and there. The thought of his parents having to mourn him, absolutely broke his heart. But it meant that he was getting grumpy. No sleep and no appetite made him irritated and even more frustrated that he couldn’t do anything about it.

Unfortunately for him, he’d ended up taking it slightly out on Thea. He hadn’t meant to be so grumpy, but it had just sort of happened; her pushing him to get a job and settle down on the island was something that had ticked him off. He knew he wasn’t in the right for saying some of the things he had, especially not after what Thea had been through, and he felt bad.

He’d just gotten out of the shower when Thea had messaged about the class assignment that Patrick hadn’t signed up for. He was too tired to even consider doing it, not sure if he was in the right mindset for doing such a thing; he was focusing on trying to get off of the island anyway. He’d gotten himself ready after that, and she’d soon invited him over after he’d protested about the way that everything was run, his homesickness, his lack of creativity - and he honestly didn’t understand why. He’d been complaining and yet she still invited him to come over. The girl was truly something else, and Patrick knew that.

Clad in a pair of black jeans, a white t-shirt and a blue denim shirt over, Patrick knocked on the door to Thea’s giant mansion, once again. He rolled up his sleeves as he waited for her to answer, softly biting his bottom lip in anticipation. She had that effect on him.

THEA: Thea had been struggling today to try to help Skylar as much as she could and also just trying to figure out how to get back into her Domme headspace after everything that was going on. It was definitely not the first nor the last time she would probably feel this way. But at the moment she was trying to be a Domme in a nonsexual way. Encouraging Patrick to get a job and not talk poorly, making sure to get Skye to find her hard limits during her recovery.

When she had messaged the male, she didn't realize he was still having these types of thoughts after he had been over yesterday and said nothing about them. It worried her. And she knew it would take time to adjust and figure out what exactly this island was, and the only she probably adjusted so quickly was because of her lifestyle back home and also her siblings being here. And so she figured she needed to show some patience with Patrick. She was hoping that coming over would help.

Thea was back in her everyday fashionable attire, a small skirt and tight top. She had told Skye that Patrick was coming over and she had told her that she would be in her room. Thea made her way downstairs when she heard the door and opened it to find him waiting. "Hey," she said calmly.

PATRICK: It wasn't the first time that it was sort of tense between the Hudson girl and him. There had been many arguments and fights over the past five years of them knowing each other - over silly little things that weren't even relevant. And usually, it was Patrick who would apologize and try to make things good again, hating that weird "distance" between them. But this was different; it wasn't a silly little thing that wasn't relevant. This was incredibly relevant. It was their lives. And Patrick didn't want that tension to be there now. He wanted it to be like yesterday, when his primary goal had been to cheer the girl up, get a laugh out of her and make sure that she'd smiled at least 40 times during his short visit.

He thought he was going to be on a high and float around on a pink sky, after she had kissed him, but his thoughts and brain had screwed him over on that one, when he'd laid down to go to sleep and thought about his parent's Sunday routine. He wanted to feel like he'd just won the lottery, again, but the thoughts inside of his mind were just too heavy.

It kind of disappeared when he saw Thea in front of him though. It was so easy to get caught up in her beauty; that was why it was so easy for Patrick to draw her. A small smile grew on his lips. God, it was so obvious how smitten he was with this girl. He walked up to her and moved in to give her cheek a kiss. "What's up?" He greeted her and pulled away to take a look at her, his smile still there. "Are you okay?"

THEA: Seeing him smile, she thought maybe he could get over this sadness. But she couldn't be with him 24/7 to help him forget that this place wasn't home. Thea missed home a lot too, but she also had a lot of privileges here that she didn't have back home. So, she couldn't quite relate to his sadness for the moment. Thea let him kiss her cheek before walking him a bit more inside to close the doors. "Not much," she said before looking over his expression as she nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just want you to understand, but don't know how I can make you understand. But right now, I think drawing might help relax you, and get you into a better headspace." She said as she gently took his hand. "Skylar doesn't feel like being social, by the way, sorry." She guides him up to her studio area where she had brought out her sketchpad for him.

PATRICK: It was all of the free time that Patrick had, especially when he was alone, that made him think about things; if he was distracted by someone or something else, he was fine. Which was why he so badly needed to paint or draw again. He couldn't take the loneliness and boredom, because it made his mind spiral out of control. He didn't want to feel that way, especially not around Thea. Back in New York, it had been so easy for him to just go and sulk alone whilst painting something, or sketching a random thing down in his book, and it had meant that he wouldn't take it out on anyone else. He couldn't do that here. At least not until his best friend had mentioned the supplies that she had. Thea was completely right. Drawing something would definitely help him relax. "I've always wondered why Van Gogh cut his ear off, y'know? It's making more and more sense to me, these days," His tone was teasing; he knew the original story. And Thea knew Patrick too well, to know that making art would help. He looked down at their hands holding. It had all happened so fast, but Patrick was grateful that he was actually moving into a territory with Thea, where they could share little intimate things like hand-holding and cheek kisses. "No, no, don't apologize. I can always see her, in a couple of days when she's had time to recover," Patrick said, alluding to the fact that he probably wasn't going anywhere, anytime soon. He looked at the supplies in front of him; she had it all, but that was probably down to the fact that she had to sketch her designs. "Thank you for doing this, by the way; letting me use your things." He turned to her and smiled softly, his eyes locking with hers. "A knife can only do so much on a plate, it's not quite the same as a pencil or a brush."

THEA: She rolled her eyes, "Now you're being just as dramatic as ever," Thea shook her head before giving a small smile as she wonders what Skylar was doing up in the room she was in anyway. "Yeah, she definitely needs friends surrounding her," she agreed, genuinely worried for sister's well-being. It felt like Skye was saying something without saying anything when she had told her that Patrick was here. So, now she just would live how she would until told what exactly was wrong, if anything actually was wrong after all. Shutting the door behind the two of them so that way the noise wouldn't bother her sister. She watched Patrick take in the space as she smiled and gave a small shrug. There were two desks, one with her fabrics and sewing machine the other one for sketching. She grabbed the seat from the desk filled with fabrics. There was a half-finished outfit on the mannequin but still so much more space. "Oh, c'mon, why would I keep this away from you? I've got some watercolors and colored pencils if you want to have at those as well." She let her eyes look into his, "Well it's a good thing that I have both of those then," she gives a soft smile before standing back up to grab a few more materials out for him. "So, just draw what you feel and get your catharsis."

PATRICK: "Does that come as a surprise to you?" Patrick asked, a small smirk lurking on his lips. Thea helped him tremendously to feel better, but he knew that he couldn't rely on her. She was someone who had been there, in his life, for such a long time, and they had done so many things together, so she had become this beacon a positivity in Patrick's adventures on the island, reminding him of all the good things that were there. "How do people treat her here, do you know? Other than the whole Switch thing that's apparently offensive to someone," he paused, rolling his eyes at the thought. It was ridiculous. "She's not got beef with anyone, right?" Patrick asked her, biting down on the inside of his lip. That had been another thing that had kept him awake; worrying about Skye and the attack, if he was in any danger at all. He sat down at the desk with all of the drawing materials and was ready to just get going and actually make something now. "Just wait and see, I'm gonna create some magic here." Before too long, the pencil was hard at work on the paper, lines coming into existence, slowly letting a figure take form. Patrick's face scrunched up as he concentrated, his jaw clenching and unclenching as his eyes stayed focused on the piece of paper. The figure was slowly coming to life, and with one last line going across, Patrick breathed out, satisfied with his work. Then he ripped the piece of paper out and was about to give it to Thea. Maybe he shouldn't? Maybe it was for the best if he didn't. Clenching his jaw again, he made a decision to go against his doubt, and he leaned over to give it to Thea. It showed her sat with her head in her hands, clearly upset. He'd only seen hee like that once - when Skylar had disappeared, back in New York. She was so good at keeping it together and not show anyone her vulnerability, but that moment had struck a chord in his memory, and the image of her sat like that, in total despair, had remained.

THEA: "I suppose it shouldn't be at this point," she said with a small smile before she felt herself tense a bit when the conversation came to her sister. "I mean...she doesn't really like talking to most people in general." Thea gives a shrug and shake of her head, "Um not really, not that I know of, why?" She asked not seeing what the relevance was. But she decided to add, "You know, she would probably be a good person to talk to about being a Switch and helping you figure things out as a Switch," she adds not wanting to put Skye on the spot right now while she was still recovering, but thinking it would be smart for them to know they were in this together. Once she was done placing everything down, she laughed at Patrick's comment, "Alright, alright, let's see what you got." She said before watching him a moment as he was in the mode. She had seen that face various times and it was odd to see it now, in this whole different place. While she waited, she did a sketch of her own, a dress she had been thinking about for a couple of days now. She didn't quite finish it when she heard the paper rip out and she looked back towards him. She watched his hesitancy, confused as to what exactly he was worried about as he had given her plenty of his sketches before. Leaning over to take the paper she looked at it and her heart sunk as she looked at it. It made her look weak and helpless. She remained silent for a moment before giving it back to him. "Why did you draw that?"

PATRICK: Patrick had met Skye only a handful of times through Thea; it was inevitable since they lived together in New York, and Patrick sometimes came over. He liked the girl and her sass - it seemed to be a trademark of the Hudson sisters, and Patrick enjoyed that. He shrugged his shoulders at her question, that being the answer. "I was just wondering," yeah, wondering if they could somehow figure out who had done all of this and punish them for the crime that they had committed. And not punish them the way that Matthias had punished Patrick for not including titles when speaking to him. "I know that she can take care of herself, she's like you," his hand moved up to pinch his nose quickly, his gaze falling to the floor. "You're both really independent. Stubborn. But that's a given," a small smile lingered as he looked up at her after he'd said that. "But that's not enough for anyone to have a grudge against someone," Patrick knew that it came down to the whole Switch thing, everyone had said so themselves. It seemed like they were specifically targeted for some reason. "What's so wrong about being a Switch here?" He asked her, his eyebrows furrowing.

Patrick kept his eyes on Thea, wanting to see her expression. He knew that she didn't want to be seen in that kind of "negative" way, but Patrick found it beautiful. It resonated with him. "Because that's how I feel," he said, not hesitating that time. Maybe it was how she felt as well, after everything with Skye? He didn't know, he didn't want to just assume her feelings. But he knew that the hopelessness that her posture represented in that drawing was exactly how he felt about being on the island. Quietly, he turned back to the desk and started the next one. He could feel the tension and anger leave his body with each line he drew.

THEA: Thea gave a small nod as she adds, "She may be able to take care of herself, but it doesn't mean she shouldn't have to do this all alone, but I know that's not what you meant." She gave a small smile as he complimented her resilience, letting out a little bit of a laugh. "Yes, it's just in our DNA," she agrees before turning a bit more serious. She shook her head and placed a hand on his shoulder, "Hey, the people who think that it's wrong? They are the ones who are in the wrong. They're the problem. They think that just because Switches weren't one of the original marks you could have and it's only about Doms and Subs in a relationship that one person can't be both. And they're stupid and I hate them." She said as she started to feel a bit more anger about what happened to her sister, but tried to release that tension as it wasn't going to help Patrick.

When he told her that the reason he drew it was because it was how he felt, she felt her heart hurt as she leaned forward a bit and kissed the side of his forehead. "I'm sorry, Pattie," she said softly as he goes back to drawing. She once again also turns back to her own sketch, figuring out what type of material she would want for it as she erased a few little details and corrected them.

PATRICK: "Yeah, no, definitely not. It's a good thing that she's got you, Thee," He told her. She probably knew that already, but he wanted to tell her. He was so proud of her, how she'd gone out of her way to make sure that her sister wasn't alone at any point in time, making sure that she was safe in her home, and seemingly dealing with crap from other people on top of it all. It was a lot, and he wanted her to know that she'd done an amazing job. She was using her stubbornness for something that benefitted both of the girls. Patrick listened to her as she explained. It didn't make sense to him, how people could care about something so much that they would harm another person. To Patrick, compassion was one of the most important things in life. His lips went into a straight line and he shook his head in pure anger, disappointed that it was such a problem. "But, it means that I could potentially offend someone, just because of my preferences?" It was the kind of danger that Patrick couldn't be bothered to deal with, it wasn't anyone's problem but his own, and it didn't make much of a difference to anyone else's life. Knowing that someone had taken it personally and almost like a threat to them, and then taken it out on poor Skylar broke his heart.

Thea's kiss was welcomed. He didn't want her to feel sorry for him, because he wasn't the type of person to be pitied, but the kiss caused a wave of reassurance through his body; he knew that, even if he didn't have his family, he did have her. She was important to him. He appreciated the gesture. "You don't have to apologize," He told her softly, his dark brown eyes finding her hazel ones. "This is helping, a lot." He said, gesturing to the art. He was really thankful that she'd let him use her things for now, until he got a job and a steady income to buy his own supplies.

Patrick's style when drawing was more realistic, than when he painted; they were considered to be abstract expressionism, and he was moody and aggressive when he painted. Drawing was different. He paid attention to details in his drawings, and while they were quicker to do and didn't require a whole lot of brain power, it was good practice for him, and it stimulated him in ways that only sex really could. Looking over to his side, Patrick took in Thea's features as she sat there. The way her jawline curved sharply, her long eyelashes curling upwards, her round cheeks and those damn lips; they were red and full, and something that Patrick wanted to feel against his own again. If he tried hard enough, he could still feel the way his lips had been buzzing, when he’d walked home after their make-out session.

After a while, Patrick had produced yet another drawing, this time of Thea in the moment, and the way that she had been concentrating on her own work. He once again ripped the paper out and placed it on the table. He was getting pumped about feeling creative again. Leaning over, Patrick peeked at the work that the girl was doing. He looked serious as he said, “That fabric makes me itch, you’re not getting me into that,” He joked deadpan, but wasn’t able to hold it for much longer and soon enough cracked a smile. He got up from his seat and walked up to stand behind her, his hands moving into her hair as he pulled it back gently. Then he leaned down, his lips almost ghosting her ear. “But you can get me out of this.” He whispered, referencing to his clothes. It was a typical Patrick-move.

THEA: Thea felt her anger starting to get to her about the whole subject as it had a few nights ago. It made her want to punch a wall and burn down houses and break shit and even then it wouldn't have been enough at the moment because her sister was not okay and the guy who did this to her still could be out there. "Fuck the people that are offended by your mark, Patrick. They mean less than nothing. Don't go near them if you can help it," she warned him as she wanted to leave the subject at that.

She said gently, "I know I don't have to apologize, but I wouldn't want anyone to feel the way I felt that day or any of the worst days of my life." Thea commented as she kept her eyes on him. She gave a small smile, rubbing at the back of his head for a moment before nodding, "I'm glad it's helping," she said to Patrick as she felt a proud feeling of at least she was doing something right.

After a bit more time of perfect the look of the lace on the dress she thought that maybe it was done and with perfect timing too as she heard the sound of paper ripping once again. She looked over at the drawing with a smile. Patrick had sketched plenty of similar things of her, probably to the point that he could fit a whole art gallery with them. She had kept all of them in a shoe box in her apartment. If she was having a bad day she would look through them and it would help. She wondered what happened to that box now.

She saw that his eyes wandered over to her sketch, and she looked up at him and said in a matching tone, "Well then it's a good thing it's not for you," Thea retorted before she watched him get up, feeling his presence now behind her, his hands moving through her hair. She felt the heat of his body move closer towards hers as he whispered in her ear, telling her to take off his clothes. If Thea was a Submissive, she would have melted, yet she was not and she turned her head to look at him, "I promised my sister it would only be kissing today."

PATRICK: Patrick hated the discrimination that existed. If he absolutely had to be sucked into a pocket dimension, couldn't he have been sucked into one where all these social problems didn't exist? He didn't want to talk about it anymore, he knew that nothing good was going to come out of it, unless he found a way to revolt against all of it, and even then, he relied on hope that it would actually work, and that he wouldn't get punished. The latter result seemed to be more possible than anything else. "I won't. I'm good at taking care of myself, and I don't plan on getting hurt by anyone."

Smiling softly, Patrick almost purred at the feeling of her hand at the back of his head. The way she touched him made something within him feel more alive. Like she'd turned a switch on and electricity was flying through his body. He was a big fan of that feeling. She had a way of making him feel comfortable and safe. "You're helping," He softly corrected her, smiling.

Slightly disappointed that his flirting wasn't working wonders on the girl, he had to remind himself that she had been immune to his charms from day one, for several years. Not everyone would melt under his touch, and he knew that, but after years of pretty much getting what he wanted, it still felt like a slap in the face when he got rejected. Shrugging his shoulders, he moved to kneel down beside her. "I'll happily take what I can get," He said, remembering how her kisses had been one of the highlights of the past couple of days. He want content with that decision, so he leaned up, one hand on her knee and his other hand moving up and under her hair and to the back of her head to pull her in for a deep kiss, finally connecting his lips with hers.

THEA: She was thankful that they didn't have to talk anymore about it. And once Patrick had finished his first painting he was starting feeling better. A small smile went on her lips as he corrected her statement, letting him her know that the act of painting wasn't the only thing that was helping, but that she was in general helping him. Thea let out a small sigh of relief at that.

But it wasn't until after the second painting that he started to get a bit antsy. Thea watched over his expression and grinned as he knelt down. "See, you are starting to get the idea a bit," she teases at the way he was on his knees. Although she felt a bit odd with him him trying to take charge. She leaned forward to kiss him in return. Her hands moving to his shoulders as she slides her tongue instantly into the kiss, thinking of the drawings he had just been doing for her as she makes out with him.

PATRICK: There was this give-and-take relationship between the two of them that made sense and worked. He'd tried being there for her, when she'd found out about Skylar, and now, she was there for him, letting him do this thing and helping him express his thoughts and feelings. Granted, he'd only drawn two pictures, and they were both of Thea, he figured they were both a good representation of what it was like for him, at the moment. She'd been more supportive than he could ever have dreamt of.

But there was still that adjustment that he had to make to the whole thing. She was a Domme, and he knew that. She wanted to be in charge, and he was flexible, only really caring about pleasing her and doing what she wanted, so she could be satisfied. But he also wanted to show her how grateful he was, how much he'd missed her, even if it had only been a couple of days they'd gone without speaking to one another. He wanted to let her know that he had this love and affection for her, and that he had a hard time expressing that outside of art and sex. That was why he had kissed her and initiated this make-out session. That was why he muttered the next thing. "Teach me?"

With a sharp intake of breath, Patrick felt her tongue against his. He felt a flutter in his stomach, and the skin on the back of her neck felt like silk under his fingertips. He moved his hand to cup her cheek, as his lips danced with hers, and his body leaned further and further into hers, wanting, no, needing to be closer with her.

THEA: Thea was enjoying kissing him, he told her to teach him and it was all she could do to rip off all his clothes right now and teach him a lesson on being a Submissive sexually. But Thea also felt like he may need a lesson on what it meant to be nonsexually too. She didn't know how to reel this back in. He already knew her as a friend, as equals. But now she would have to figure out how to discern between the two. She was able to do it with Kurt, but then again they were never sexual. Thea thought how it was a good thing that Patrick and her had not been sexual yet. "Do you want to be my little bitch?" She murmured against his lips.

She sat in her chair still, enjoying the fact that Patrick was on his knees as she was happy to kiss him, but Thea only pulled her lips away when she felt that need to breathe. But then she looked down at him. "If I teach you, you have to listen and take in what I say. Understood?" She said while looking down at him, "You have to learn how to be good."

PATRICK: Patrick had always enjoyed being dominated in the bedroom; it rarely happened, because of the people that he slept with were naturally submissive to him, when he initiated things, but the few times that someone had taken charge, he'd been absolutely ecstatic. To hear Thea speak to him like that was new and something that he didn't expect, but he didn't hate it. Even if they were just kissing for now, he couldn't help but find it incredibly hot - whatever she wanted to do with him, he would do. He nodded into the kiss, happy to oblige. "Please," He sighed. "Make me your bitch."

Both of his hands had moved down to her thighs, slowly rubbing them. The fabric of Thea's skirt slipped out of his fingers every now and again and he could feel her soft her skin was, but he didn't dare to go under her skirt, not when she'd wanted them to stay at a safe level, and just kiss. He looked up at her, his smile having faded as he listened intently. "I understand. I'll be good, Miss Hudson." This time, he didn't have a problem with saying it, because this was different. This was him being willing to learn, seeking it out, and not being forced to do anything that he wasn't ready for.

THEA: She kissed with even more passion as he seemed to want to learn what it really meant to be in a Dominant/Submissive styled relationship. Thea had expected at some point he would figure it out, but it was a lot sooner than she had expected. Thea was definitely collecting Switch bitches now it seemed. The only thing she was nervous for now was how this might affect their friendship. But it was obvious they were bringing things to the next level anyway as she had her tongue in his mouth.

Thea felt his hands and tried her best not to feel wet, but her body couldn't help but reacting, but she wouldn't show that to Patrick. She wouldn't indulge him with that quite yet. When she looked over his face, a smirk rising on her lips, "Good bitch," she said softly before standing up so she was towering over him. "Now, before every scene starts, a Dominant will ask for you safe words, your hard limits, and sometimes your soft limits. Tell me yours."

PATRICK: To go from friends for so many years, to suddenly kissing and now to him being Submissive to her was a drastic change. He hadn't seen it coming at all, but he didn't mind it. It made him focus his energy on that, instead of him being stuck on the island. There was still a huge amount of fear that this was ruining their friendship. It was one of the things he'd thought about when he'd returned home after their first make-out sesh. He didn't want to lose Thea, and while he figured that they were both adult enough to completely destroy their friendship, he was still absolutely terrified about what would happen. Patrick was normally really chill, and took things one day at a time, not one for worrying about things in advance, but with Thea it was different, because he actually valued their friendship a lot.

She looked so powerful as she stood there in front of him, her long and lean legs right there for him to touch and kiss. But he didn't. He remained calm, following her orders of keeping it strictly to kissing. "My safe word is 'Voodoo'. I don't do anything that involves bodily fluids, like watersports, scat or vomit," He let out a deep breath, his eyes raking over her body. He wanted to touch her so badly, he could feel his fingers itching to do so. "I might be okay with letting you peg me at some point, but not today, Miss." Licking his lips, he moved his eyes upwards to finally connect with hers. "How can I satisfy you?"

THEA: Thea looked down at him as she gave a nod as she listened to his words. She moved to pet his face a bit, a bigger grin moving across his face as he told her he would be interested in pegging. "Well, I do enjoy getting my dick out for special bitches," she smirks as she moves her fingers to stroke under his chin for a moment as she shook her head. "Well, we won't be doing anything sexual today, but don't you worry, I'll keep that in mind. I think your heart might explode if you saw me naked, so we'll work up to it." She teases Patrick a bit before sliding her hand down the side of his face. "I want you to think of a title that you would like to call me while you are my Submissive, that is your first task."

PATRICK: Patrick let out a light moan at the feeling of her fingers. It felt like they sent sparks through his body, and he was melting under her touch. "And I'm a special bitch?" Patrick asked her, a soft smirk on his face. He wanted to hear it, even if she'd implied it. He was almost drooling at the thought of her being naked, and it really wasn't fair that she was just dangling it in front of him. What the hell was he supposed to do with the growing boner in his tight jeans? He couldn't just whip out his dick and jerk off right then and there, that didn't feel right. Instead, he snapped out of it and paid attention to the Domme. "Just the anticipation of it..." He started out, biting down on his bottom lip softly at the thought of it. "Well, let's just say that I'm glad that I jerked off in the shower, before coming here. If I hadn't, then there would've been a major cum stain on these jeans right now." It wasn't because he had problems in that department - no, Thea would've heard about that from her friends if he did. It was more a testiment to how fucking sexy she was. He hummed lightly and leaned into her touch. "I do enjoy calling you Miss, even if it didn't seem that way a couple of days ago," he said, referencing to his stubbornness about not wanting to give into any control. "Would it be okay if I called you 'Miss'?"

THEA: She looked at him for a moment before giving a very light slap to his face, "That is yet to be found out yet, my sweet bitch." Thea said teasingly as she looked down at him, seeing a bulge start to form in his pants at even the mention of her naked. "Yes...anticipation," she said eyes his groin before letting her slowly come between his legs and run up his crotch before bringing it back to her other foot. "Oh is that so, little bitch? Tell me what you thought about while you were jerking off in the shower," she let her eyes meet his as she watched him like he was a kitten rubbing up against her touch begging for more. Her thumb rubbed against his lower lip as she thought, "Hmm, I was thinking more creative, like 'my muse'." Her eyes glinting with joy and power all at once.

PATRICK: The slap took him by surprise. God, if he had known that she was like that, before coming to this island, he would've tried way harder to get into her pants. His smirk turned to a surprised smile, his mouth slightly open. Who knew she had it in her? It wasn't long before the smile on his lips turned into a genuinely surprised and perfectly shaped "O" and he gasped. The sensation that he felt on his crotch made him almost fall over, and he had to put a hand on the floor in order to keep his balance. Why were jeans so fucking stupid and always in the way? He wanted to be free of them. He could barely think straight, having difficulty getting an answer out. "I- hnng..." He was lost for words until she finally stopped teasing him, and he let a deep breath out, not knowing he'd held it in. Then he straightened back up and looked up at her again. "I was thinking about you," his voice came out in heavy breaths and he licked his lips. "And that little red dress that you used to wear, whenever we went out with the group. And how it'd slide up... That, mixed with your kisses and you straddling me." Patrick revealed, not caring that he was sharing all the details. He saw the expression on her face and how it'd lit up. He liked seeing that. "You're right, 'my muse' is 110% better. I apologize."

THEA: Seeing how he reacted, she could tell he was turned on and that only made her more excited. Thea watched his facial expression change almost instantly as her foot went between his legs and she could see just how easily she could tease him. Seeing how he couldn't even focus as she felt him up. She felt herself tingling between her own legs, but she would deal with that later. Right now it was about torturing Patrick. Thea gave a nod as he spoke. "Oh really? Were you a naughty bitch? Would you peek to see if I had anything on under my dress? I bet you enjoyed that, the feeling of me on top of you. Who knows, maybe the next time that happens it'll be because you're inside me," she teases him as her fingers go from his lips into his thick hair. "That's what I thought, bitch." Her hand moved to the back of his head, tugging at his hair to bring his head up more, "Do you enjoy how I'm talking to you?"

PATRICK: One moment, he had been quietly drawing, trying to get his mojo back after feeling frustrated and angry, and now, he was on his knees, so incredibly close to begging for some sort of release. Nodding, a slight blush crept up on his cheeks. He hadn't actually meant to look at her and check, but there had been times where it had been obvious to him; those were the nights where he would also feel a little jealous, knowing that she probably planned on going home with anyone, but him. "I liked it when you wore the black thong," he admitted, still wanting to show her a little bit of respect. He'd enjoyed it when she'd gone commando too, but he was still a gentleman, and he wanted to show that, despite it not being very gentleman-like to say. "I truly hope so. My hand is great, but if your kisses are anything to go by, then you're even better. Perfection, even," Patrick mused, already dreaming about the moment where he'd be inside of her. God, he hoped that'd be soon! He groaned quietly when she tugged on his curls and he moved up slightly. "I do," He groaned out again. "I do, my muse. I love it."

THEA: Thea could see just how excited he was for her. She raised a brow as he mentioned her thong and knew exactly what he was talking about. She actually purposely wore it knowing it would rile Patrick up, especially letting it ride up her body when it was in view of him. The brunette slid her hands away from him and towards her skirt, sliding the cloth up her body slowly to reveal a black thong, "You mean this one?" She grinned before letting the material fall back down again. Thea gave a small shrug before saying, "I've been told I've been the hottest sex someone has ever had on multiple occasions." Thea smiled at the small noise that came from his lips. Loving the new name he was calling her, and the fact that he enjoyed feeling having her be in control only made her think that this could work out. "Good bitch," she said as she let go of his hair and went back to normal Thea. "And that's just a little taste of a lesson of me being a Domme." She said with a sly grin.

PATRICK: Patrick watched as Thea's hands moved up her legs, her skirt following. He didn't blink or look away, or anything; his focus remained on the girl's legs. His breath hitched in the back of his throat when he finally got a peek of the black fabric, barely covering anything, and it had to take him everything he could to not just grab her, push her down on the table and have his way with her right then and there. But he didn't. He was going to be a good boy, and submit to her. "Yeah, that's the one," he told her, swallowing hard. And then it was all over again, thankfully. Another second of seeing that, and Patrick would've leapt up immediately. "I believe them," he managed to croak out, not sure how he hadn't started touching himself yet. He was quite impressed with himself. And then all of a sudden, she switched back to normal, and Patrick almost got a little bit sad. He'd enjoyed it. But he also knew that it couldn't continue, if she wanted him to just stay kissing her and do nothing else. "Fucking hell, Thee," Patrick sighed and let himself fall back onto the floor. His cock was twitching in his pants, he could feel it. A hand went to rest on his forehead as he closed his eyes for a second to take it all in. "That's so fucking hot," he told her, before looking up at her from his position on the floor. "But what am I gonna do about this mess?" Patrick asked her, pointing to the bulge in his jeans. He needed a release, it would just be pure torture if nothing happened.

THEA: She felt so evil but yet so good all at once as she teased her friend by showing off her underwear. He was malfunctioning and it was all just so delicious. He could barely talk or even think it seemed like. Although she was surprised at how well he was controlling himself. Even though she could tell he was eager from his facial expressions and his words, the way he stood still, it made it even more aware how obedient he could be. But she could tell if she went any further he might have a stroke. A laugh left her lips as he went to the ground. She saw how hard he still was and looked down at him with a nod, "It is right? You were really good. Very good self control." When he asked her what he was going to do about his boner, she grinned before she expertly slid off her black thong coated with her own anticipation and tossed it down at his face. "Suffer," she said teasingly as brought her foot down towards his crotch and rubs up against with a bit of pressure.

PATRICK: Patrick wanted to show Thea that this was worth it, that he was worth it. He knew that she may have had her doubts about him being a Submissive, but he figured that had been because he'd put up a fight earlier, with both her and Matthias. He didn't like being told what to do, he didn't enjoy being controlled - unless he asked for it. Unless he actually wanted that, then there was no way in hell that he wasn't going to rebel against it all, just a little bit. But he was proud of himself when she praised him. He could be very obedient when he wanted to be. Before he knew it, she was peeling off her underwear, and then it landed on his face. His hand moved up to it, but he didn't remove it. Instead, he took in the sweet, delicious scent that was Thea. "You smell amazi-" he groaned out, interrupting himself when he felt her foot on his crotch. "Fuuuck..." He hissed and closed his eyes, his breathing harder. "Please," Patrick moaned. "More."

THEA: Thea was watching him on the ground, watching as he inhaled her scent and it only turned her on more. His reaction to her foot only made her even more excited. But, she had promised her sister that it wouldn't be anything more. She had teased Patrick so much now, yet she enjoyed the thought of making him leave with a massive boner. Her foot pet up against him once before she took her foot away and said, "Alright, alright, I expect to see you soon as I know you'll most definitely be wanting more." She smiles down at him, giving him a wink.

PATRICK: His eyes rolled to the back of his at the sensation. Though there were two layers of fabric between her foot and his dick, the pressure that she was putting down on it was enough to make him moan out. He wanted to grab something, needing to hold onto something, so he couldn't help himself when his hand found her calf and his fingers wrapped around it. It wasn't to remove it or take control, he just needed to support himself on something. And then all of a sudden, it was over. Her foot was off of him again. He groaned, absolutely frustrated that he wasn't getting a release. A heavy puff escaped his lips as he sat back up straight and looked up at her. "You're definitely going to be the death of me, Thea Hudson."

THEA: He was practically writhing, and Thea felt his hand come up to her in pleasure and she just really couldn't help herself with teasing him. She could see his frustration and laughed a bit as she watched him collapse once more before sitting up. She gave him a little pout at his words, "Aw Pattie Melt, I'm sorry. Like I told you, I promised Skye." Thea held out a hand for him to take to stand back up again, not wanting him to leave just yet, but also knowing if he stayed any longer she absolutely would be fucking him.

PATRICK: Patrick accepted Thea's hand, and stood back up, finally getting to look right into those hazel eyes of hers. He was still trying to catch his breath after what had happened, but he was calming down slowly. His dick, however, was not. It was still eager to escape the prison that it was encaged in. He heard her words, and knew that he needed to just go home and masturbate, like he'd previously done. She was making his balls blue, that was for sure, but it also made him want even more. He just had to be patient. "I get it, don't worry," Patrick told her, a soft smile. He understood, but that didn't mean he wasn't suffering. "I'm gonna go home and...take care of things," Patrick teased, leaning in to kiss her lips. He bit down on her bottom lip, smirking. "I might send you a picture." And with that, he pulled away and turned to walk towards the door.

THEA: She smiled as she looked back at him, letting her fingers linger with his a moment before taking her hand away. Glad he wasn't being pushy with her, because that would have totally turned her off. She was surprised to how well this experiment had gone, and was looking forward to testing his limits even more as he learned his role. She let out a small laugh as he said he was going to go take care of things. When he bit on her lower lip, her hand moved to smack his face as she knew that would turn him on. "You better, bitch." Thea murmured as he started to leave, she cleared her throat, "I believe you're forgetting your present." She said scooping up the thong that was on the ground and dangling it in front of his face.

PATRICK: The slap made him groan at first, but then grin. She really wasn't helping the situation, and now he had to walk all the way back with a huge boner. Something about it turned Patrick on though; knowing that she had the control over him. He was already looking forward to the next time he would be seeing her; even if it didn't involve any foreplay or other sexual antics. Hearing her, he looked over and saw the thong. Another grin grew on his face, and he walked back, delicately taking it away from her. Leaning in, Patrick still wore the grin, and growled lightly before pecking her lips again. "Call me."

#f2f002 #[ thea : muse & adonis ]#f2f

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shanlulu-writing · 5 years

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Levi x Reader I am all yours - Part 3

So here is the next part. Woohoo! This one has been quite hard to write as my CFS has really kicked in, but its here at least. This one is just filling out the next chapter. I hope you like, please comment and let me know your thoughts. You know I love it when you do. Thank you to all those who have supported me so far in writing this, and I will be back on it as soon as I start feeling better. Much love to you all xxx WARNING - Swearing from the outset. Part 3 “Ahem, Levi. A word.” The kiss stopped, and you turn your head to see Erwin. You watch Levi walk off still giving you an angry glare.

What the actual fuck?

You take a deep sigh of relief as you see them walk away. You needed air, to blow everything that had just happened away and you make your way outside. He kissed you. As in 'full on kissing' kissing, what the hell was that about? Your brain hurt as you try to come up with a reason for the way he was acting. It was so conflicted. On one hand he was a complete fucking maniac, and yet he had tried made sure you were okay in his own weird little way.

Were the rumours right? You couldn't think like that. He had treated you so badly, you couldn't possibly forgive him for what he had done. If you hadn't defended yourself you wouldn't be alive now. You were sure of that.

The wind blew around you as you reach the courtyard. You really should have put your cloak on before you came out. You wrap your arms around you as you walk along the path and you hear the horses whinny as the wind rattles the doors of the stables. You deviate from your undecided destination, and steal yourself inside. It was fairly warm in here, the horses paced around, obviously feeling unsettled. You speak calmly to them, giving each a pat or stroke, and you notice that it seems to soothe them.

Helping them calm down settled your nerves, and you walk past Captain Levi's horse, its dark eyes staring at you blankly. Like owner like horse. You watch him intently, and he whinnies again as another gust bashes against the walls. So it was his horse that was getting all flustered because of the wind. You slowly open the door to his berth, and walk over to him. He was nervous, so you talk to him in hushed tones, sending him reassurance, and you pat his side. He really was a beautiful horse, and definitely cream of the crop. You feel him shivering, and you frown, the horses should have been accustomed to the cold by now, they were bred for it, among other things. Searching round you find his winter coat, throw it over his back and fasten it round his neck. He looks at you and you sense he is thanking you. You were definitely going mad, the horse would start talking to you in a minute. You stroke his mane and pick up a brush and gently groom him.

“Its okay boy, I feel the cold too.” He shakes his head and nibbles at your jacket, you laugh as it takes you by surprise. “Haha, I don't think that's very tasty.” He nuzzles against your side, and you stroke his forehead lovingly. It was true, animals really did know how to make you feel better.

“He likes you.” You look up from where you were standing, and watch as the familiar figure walks towards you.

“Thanks.” You say flatly, not wanting to speak to him. “I hope you had a nice chat with Erwin.”

“I wouldn't call it that. He wasn't very happy, especially when I told him how much trouble you had been.” You pause what you're doing, and glare at him, just fucking typical for him to completely twist things in his favour. You look away from him and keep petting the horse, you weren't going to dignify him with a response. Captain Levi seemed to become annoyed at your silence, but you didn't care, he was not worth the effort. “Tsk. I forgot to mention you have no fucking manners.”

“Okay, did you also mention you have been a complete and utter jerk the past few months, and, oh, that you tried to kill me?” You feel you anger rising again, you had tried so hard to keep it under wraps, but he just knew how to piss you off. He just stares at you his eyes hard, face unmoving and he shrugs.

“That is neither here nor there.”

“You have got a fucking nerve. You treat me like shit for as long as I have been here, punish me at every given opportunity, try to kill me, isolate me from my friends and then on top of that you have the fucking audacity to think you have a right to kiss me. I mean, how fucking dare you!” You shake as the adrenaline rages through your body. Picking up one of the grooming brushes from the shelf you throw it at him, he anticipates your move, and elegantly moves out the way. The brush makes its way to the doorway and narrowly misses the new occupant of the stables.

“Commander Erwin. I-” You quickly apologise before being cut off.

“That is quite enough (last name).” He walks further into the stables and casts Levi a knowing, disdainful glance from the corner of his eye. “I hear that you two have been causing a fair amount of trouble.” You stand there feeling extremely ashamed of yourself, only turning to anger when you see Captain Levi's eyes smirking victoriously. “That includes you Levi. You have been running this poor girl through the ringer. I think the least you can do is apologise, don't you?” The Captain's eyes widen at being openly reprimanded and he looks to Commander Erwin with a look of pure astonishment. Erwin motions to you with his eyes, and you hear Captain Levi growl as he turns back to you.

“I apologise Cadet (Last name)” You hold a smirk back when you notice he said it with gritted teeth; you find it so highly amusing, you have to put a hand over your mouth to cage a laugh. Erwin gives you a sideways smile, he seems to be enjoying this as well.

“Come, Levi. Why so formal? You weren't so proper when you had her pinned up against the wall a few minutes ago.” You choke on air and feel your cheeks burning. Did he really just say that? You dart your eyes to the Captain. You see a faint hue of pink on his cheeks, and he bows his head to cover his eyes.

“Of course, Erwin. (First name), is that adequate?” You can sense from his sullen tone that he was feeling very uncomfortable, you totally knew how that felt. It was strange hearing your name being said by him, you preferred it a lot more to brat or idiot. Why did Erwin draw attention to how he found you? Why did he even mention it? Was it his way of pulling Captain Levi into line? Either way, all of this was a complete revelation to you. The Captain obviously respected Erwin, that much was evident, you didn't think that he would bow down to anyone else like this.

“It will do. Now (last name). I wanted to have a word with you.” You gulp, and nod cautiously. “I hear that you did very well in your training the other day. In fact not only did you best Kirstein, you bested Levi too.” You hear him chuckle.

“I wouldn't say that” Captain Levi retorted.

“I would. From all reports; she was completely incapacitated due to being in a suppressive choke hold, and still managed to disable you. At the end of the day Levi, she was the last one standing, she won that match fair and square.” He looks back to you. “Honestly, I never thought I would see the day that Levi got beaten by one of our new recruits.” This brought a reaction from Levi that was halfway between a scoff, and choking on his own ego. “Either way, due to your impressive display, I wanted to ask you personally for your participation in our next mission.” You eyes widen.

“It is only a small operation, a four man team needs to go one of our outposts, not far from here, and pick up some of Hanji's notes that she left behind from our last mission. It shouldn't pose too much danger, and I am sure that you will be able to handle it. It would also mean that you go into the same ranks as Jaegar, Alert and Kirstein etcetera.”

Your mouth gapes, does this mean you were effectively being promoted from newbie status? There was so much to think about. He was serious, he wanted you to go on a mission, and go out there with the titans. You may even get your wish of being trodden on by a Titan after all.

“I don't think that is such a good idea.” Captain Levi interjects, there is something in his eyes which you cant make out, he seems agitated with the news, and on all accounts, quite panicked. He flits his eyes to you, almost assessing what your answer will be and you just stand there not really sure what to say or do. “She doesn't have enough field training for this!”

“Well, that is the reason why you will be heading the team Levi. However, I do think she is more than capable of holding her own. She has already shown us that she doesn't flinch when it comes to her being face to face with a titan. She has good accuracy with her blades and is one of the better balanced ones with the 3dmg.”

He would be coming with you? You finally thought that you had found safety in Erwin, but he was throwing you out to the wolves again. You sigh and nod, at least he acknowledged your hard work. You watch Captain Levi, was he angry again? You see his fist clench and release again. What was he pissed about now? Because he would be working with you? Or that it had been made official that you beat him in a fight?

“Ah, also, Levi, even though you will be heading this team. I think it would be best to see it as a four man squad, rather than a trio with a leader. I would like to see you go out there as equals, I think after the recent displays, it would be best to show the cadets that you aren't, how did you put it (last name)? Yes that's it, 'a complete jerk'.” You chuckle, something about Erwin saying it, made it even funnier. Captain Levi glares at you from underneath his eyebrows, which you ignore, turning your head to look at anything else.

“Tsk.” Is that all he really had to say? You could see that there was something more going on here. What it was, you were definitely not privy to. Go out as equals? Erwin wanted to make sure that he couldn't use his rank against you? It was a dangerous plan at any rate, you weren't going to be safeguarded by anyone else.

“Commander? Who else will be going on the mission?” You ask meekly. You almost wanted him to say Eren, though in the same breath, maybe it wasn't such a good idea. Eren was so protective, and Captain Levi was so, well... Levi, that there would be more danger from them than the titans.

“I have selected Blouse and Kirstein. They need a little more field experience, but they are solid team themselves. No, Levi; I do not want any more arguments from you. I have already told you once, I will not repeat myself. Do not make me embarrass you further today.”

You watch as Captain Levi drags his teeth over his bottom lip in an attempt to stop himself from snapping back at his Commander. They had obviously had some harsh words when Erwin had dragged him off. The thought of having to spend time with him officially worried you, but orders were orders, and at least you had Sasha and Jean with you.

“One more thing. I think it would be best for both of you to cool off. Stay away from each other for a few days, the mission is in three days time, so try your best to steer clear of each other.” What a strange request, but you felt it was actually a very good idea, it meant you had space to talk and be with your friends and get some sort of normality back before venturing out. Commander Erwin turns on his heels and leaves you alone with Captain Levi.

“Well your horse seems to have calmed down now, so I'll get going.” You walk past him, making your way as quickly as possible. He catches you arm firmly and you turn to him in surprise.

“Don't do anything stupid.” You look at him in puzzlement. “I mean it, Br.... (first name)” He lets go of you and then makes his own way out of the stables leaving you more confused than when you had entered. He had called you by your first name again, you hated to admit it but you rather liked how it sounded coming from him. Strangely it gave you a weird sense of acceptance, even if the first time had been forced and probably meant anything but.

You shut the door behind you and scan the area for your teammates, and find they were sitting in the courtyard chatting. The wind had died down, and the sun was peeking weakly through the clouds. You couldn't help but smile at them, they really had showed you how much they cared, even Mikasa, she had bothered to ponder about a situation you were in and given it real thought. That was something quite phenomenal.

“(first name)!” You hear Armin beckon you over. You make your way over to them, and sit down on the wall just behind them. The faces looking at you were mixed with anticipation and worry, you laugh at your audience.

“You will never guess what happened!” You stop, you weren't going to tell them about the kiss, no way. “I think Erwin ripped Mr Stick-up-his-Ass a new one!” You couldn't help but giggle as you hear the gasps sound around you.

“So what did he say?”

“I didn't hear the actual conversation, but Captain Levi tried to make out that it was me causing all the problems. I don't think Erwin believed him though. They both spoke to me in the stables, and he made the Captain apologise.”

“What?! He knows how?” Sasha squealed, she really was excitable. “What happened next?”

“Please tell me he got kicked by a horse” Eren asked dismissively, you look at him with a heavy heart, he really wasn't happy.

“No Eren, he didn't, something much better. Erwin asked me to go on a mission to pick up Hanji's notes in a four man squad.”

“Yeah, we got told about that last night. Didn't realise you were coming along with us.” Jean commented, seemingly as uninterested as Eren.

“But did he tell you that even though the Captain is coming, he isn't leading us?” That made everyone stop what they were doing and pay undivided attention to you. “He has been told in no uncertain terms that we are to all go as equals.”

“WHAT!?” The chorus was hilarious to your ears.

“You don't mean that he isn't going to be bossing us about all mission?” Sasha asks in disbelief.

“That's exactly what I mean. You have no idea how pissed the Captain was!” You laugh again, the whole situation made you feel like you were soaring through the sky, you felt so happy, you had all your friends around you and you finally have one up on Mr Bipolar.

“I still don't like it. You are going to be alone with him and away from any help, he could easily pull the same stunt over again and leave you out there to die.” You sigh as you notice Eren standing with his arms folded, you hop off the wall and rub his arm. “Eren, it will be okay. I have Jean and Sasha with me. Nothing will happen. I promise.”

“I hope for your sake it doesn't.” You roll your eyes and sit down with Sasha and Jean to talk about the upcoming mission, and go over the details that they had already been given.

It had been a long day, and you were curled up in your bed. Most of the girls were already asleep, and you stare blankly at the wall, thinking on everything that had happened. Every reasoning about how the Captain had acted just left more questions, it was hopeless. You shift, tucking your feet further into the covers, when you feel your mattress dip, your covers lift up and someone slip into the bed next to you. You whip your head round in fear, when you see Sasha's familiar face looking at you and you relax.

“Hey. There was something I wanted to ask you.” She whispers in an attempt to not to wake the others. “It feels like you left something out of your story earlier. What was it?” You grimace, you really didn't want to let anyone know what really happened. If she knew and anyone found out you would have to explain something that you didn't understand; not something you wanted to do.

“Sasha, just leave it.” You murmur.

“No, I can tell its eating you up. You gave me your dinner, that's not like you at all.” You sigh, you can see real concern in her eyes, this must be what having a friend feels like.

“Okay. Don't freak out. He kissed me.” She gasps, and you put a finger to your mouth to quiet her. “It was really weird, like he did it because he was so angry with me.” You continue to whisper. “ I don't know why he did it so don't ask me why. Erwin caught us, just before he pulled him aside.”

“Oh my god! I cant believe it.” You try to hush her again.

“You must keep this to yourself. I don't want to have to explain everything to people, so please, please don't say anything!” You can see her eyes shining and her mindless grin even in the darkness.

“I promise, I promise. Did you like it?” You are completely caught off guard with the question. Had you? You had been shocked but you hadn't really given the experience much thought. You could say it was fairly passionate, he was pissed off for one thing, but he had pinned you up against the wall, and had kissed you quite forcefully. You feel your body shiver at the thought and pull the covers over yourself further, hoping it is the cold night air.

“I don't know.” Your brain was desperately trying to keep up with all the thoughts running round your head. On the logical side of your brain you were still angry with the way you had been treated, you were scared of him, and quite rightly. On an emotional level, your thoughts were not so clear, that kiss -even being as rough as it was- had played on your mind since it happened.

“Well either which way, I think he likes you, even if he is really crap expressing it.”

“That's putting it mildly.” You laugh under your breath.

You talk about the impending mission for a little while longer, Sasha retreats to her own bed and as you drift off to sleep your thoughts are filled with the Captain.

Three days later....

You had slept badly, your slumber filled with tense dreams that you couldn't remember. You had woken early, and checked that all your belongings were packed. You had dressed and made your way to the stables to check on your horse and load the small bags with your packed items. You munched on the small breakfast that you had prepared for yourself, you were leaving early anyway, and would have missed the morning meal in the mess hall.

You go to sit down by the lake on the far side of the courtyard. It was very quiet, with the odd bird tweeting in the distance. You watch, as the horizon turns from a beautiful orange, to a pale pink as the sun creeps its way up from the land and into the sky. You smile at the sight, it really was quite breath taking. You hear footsteps behind you, but you don't look to see who it is, you didn't care, you were enjoying your view far too much.

“It really makes you feel human doesn't it?” Captain Levi stands beside you; it wasn't really a question, more of a statement. “No matter what happens, the sun will rise and set, completely disregarding the world it shines down on.” You don't answer but you nod. As deep as it was, he was right. Things move on and the world still turns, even if people die.

“What's gotten into you?” You say after a few minutes of silence. “You planning on dying today Captain.”

“Not if I can help it. I would prefer it if you didn't try to kill me with your incompetency on the field.” You growl at the comment, there was really no need for it. Up until this point it had been fairly amicable. Trust him to ruin the moment.

“Well, Levi.” You make a point at disregarding his rank, he wasn't the boss any more, not on this mission any how. “I would hate to be the cause of your death, it would be dreadfully ironic, though wouldn't it? Killed in action by one of your own teammates.” You end the sentence dryly.

“Tsk” You hear his feet shift. “Just because Commander Erwin told you we are equals, doesn't mean that I am not your superior.”

“Whatever Levi! Orders are orders.” You hear the sound of footsteps coming towards you, turning round you spot Jean and Sasha heading for your direction. Sasha looks extremely tired, she must not have slept well either, Jean however looked determined.

“Are we going then?” Jean asks directly to you rather than Levi. You give him a sideways glance and see that he is clenching his teeth again. You nod and get up from your seated position, you make your way over to the stables with the new arrivals, leaving Levi standing at the lake on his own.

“Are your horses ready?” You ask as you saddle your horse and check the reins. They confirm, and you walk your horses out of the stables. Levi passes you without even an acknowledgement , and soon returns with his horse. You walk the horses over to the equipment shed and get your gear together. Nerves start to show in your hands as they shake; were you worried about the mission? Or being on the mission with Levi? You give in trying to figure it out and clap your hands to shake out the trembles.

You gear up and walk outside, and mount your horse, waiting for the others. They soon file out and get on their own horses. Everyone is fairly quiet, Levi, as normal was mute and aloof. You all follow him out of the courtyard and make your way down towards the outpost.

As you ride through, you realise it really was quite beautiful, if you ignored the derelict buildings and eerie quiet. The birds sang as they flew out overhead, the green pastures now wild and unkempt. You ride your horse hard, and you feel all the doubts and anger of the last few months blow away as you speed along. You ride for hours, not daring to stop. You remember in training that you had to be constantly moving, otherwise you may as well be a sitting duck. You contemplate the time when you had witnessed the titans for the first time. They were the stuff of nightmares. No one could imagine something so monstrous, yet here they were destroying humanity with every mouthful. You had managed to take one down, unscathed. Some others in your team however, hadn't been so lucky. You feel your heart pull as you remember your teammates, in pieces. That was not going to happen again, not on your watch!

“Are we far, Levi?” Your legs begin to ache as the horses start to slow down, and you shift uncomfortably in the saddle. Your ride had been clear of any titans, which had been lucky, and you were somewhat relieved.

“No. We should be there shortly.” His voice is short and slightly breathy. You muse he should sound like that more often, his breathing made his words sound a little softer. It suited him. Maybe you should have him chase you round the courtyard before you let him talk to you, he might inadvertently sound nicer.

The horses slow to a trot as you walk through a path with buildings either side. You feel the hairs on the back of your neck prickle, and you become more alert. You can't even hear the birds calling any more. You hear a massive crashing sound to the side of you, your horse bolts down an alleyway to your left when you hear Sasha scream.

You jump off your horse and run back, your horse would be fine, just useless at the moment. You knew something was wrong. As you reach the place you had been before the horse ran, you look up to see a Titan, with Levi firmly in its grasp.

“LEVI!” Your eyes scan the area for the others and notice Sasha pulling an unconscious Jean into a building and Levi's gear crushed on the ground below you. It must have been damaged in the initial blow. Fuck! You fire off your 3dmg, zipping up to the building near the Titan and run across the roof. Your boots pound across the rooftop, tiles slipping from beneath you as your mind runs into overdrive. Blind-siding this monster was the only way you could start on the attack. You hear Levi yell, and see the Titan raising him to its mouth. Adrenaline surges through you, seemingly bringing time to a standstill. The titan's motion seems to blur slightly as you focus, and in that moment you shoot your line to the Titan's arm while slashing frantically, managing to slice the hand off at the wrist, although shattering your blades in the process as they bounce off bone. The Titan howls and swings out with its damaged arm, causing you to lose balance. Your hair whips behind you as you plummet downwards, watching the floor rise up to meet you, and somehow in the nick of time you send out another line and swing out to catch Levi, just before he hits the ground.

Sasha comes out from her hiding place to bundle Levi inside, just one glance shows you he's completely dazed. You grab your next set of blades and whistle through the air back at the titan. Back on the roof, the behemoth ploughs a hand through the slates next to you and takes out part of the roof, almost ripping your feet out from underneath you. With a crack, your next line flies out in desperation, and hooks deeply into the Titan's jaw. You reel yourself in and set off to take the bastard down, knowing timing is everything. You glide around it, readying yourself to strike when it swipes around and catches one of your legs. If it could laugh, you are sure it would have done. You struggle desperately to get free without any luck.

“(FIRST NAME)!!” You hear a voice call your name. Fear stricken, and urgent, it wasn't one you recognised. Taking a quick look down you see Levi, leaning in a door way staring up at you unable to do anything. It was enough to shake you from your stupor and with a single movement you slice through the fingers holding your leg, ripping your uniform on your left shin. You set a line which pierces its shoulder blade and while reeling yourself in, you run up its back. You drag your blades across its skin, and pound them through the flesh at its weak point giving you enough force to hurl yourself to safety. With a pitiful wail, the titan comes smashing to the ground and you remind yourself that oxygen is indeed necessary as you breathe a sigh of relief. You scan the area from your position...

All clear, thank goodness...

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING?!” You hear as you put your feet back down on solid ground. Levi, limping slightly, storms up towards you.

“Saving your ass, I think.” You give him a smile, but you realise that he is fuming and your face falls. You didn't get it. You did enough to save everyone, as far as you knew everyone was okay.

“You were being fucking reckless. You seriously are a bloody idiot. I should never have let Erwin put you on this mission!”

“Excuse me! If I hadn't have been here you would have been Titan chow!” You roar back at him. “Dead. You know? As in, not able to be giving me the third degree right now!” You couldn't believe it, what the fuck? Was he really riding your ass because you saved him? What an egotistical prick!

“Levi, she didn't do anything wrong” You notice Jean slowly walking up with a bad cut to his head. Sasha followed quickly behind him. “She saved us all, if she hadn't kept its attention, we'd all be dead.” His voice was cold, and cutting. “And that definitely includes you. Stop being a moronic ass, and let's get the horses and go.”

“Tsk. Fucking brats!” You watch in astonishment as he walks off and picks up his damaged gear. Jean and Sasha walk up behind you as you watch him slink off to find his horse. You were livid, and you turn to them with a look of complete loss.

“What's up with him?” Sasha asks.

“I should have let the Titan eat him. I wont be saving him again, that's for sure.” You reply with malice, not really answering her question.

“There's something not right” You look at Jean with a raised eyebrow. “Well, more than usual, and its all directed at you Mrs Ackerman.” He smirks at you and you roll your eyes.

“Not that shit again.” You walk off to find your horse and sure enough, there he was, still in the alleyway. You walk him back and find Sasha and Jean already mounted on their horses. Patting your horse to reassure him, you saddle up. You trot along the path and find Levi waiting for you, he shoots you a glare and then huffs as he starts off without you.

You ride for another 10 minutes feeling extremely achy and arrive at the outpost. The place is completely deserted, and you carefully make your way to the entrance. You walk the horses around to the old paddock and make sure that they have food and water. Grabbing your belongings from the saddle bags you slowly make your way into the building.

The outpost main building was dusty and dark, and smelt of mould; although fortunately it still seemed sturdy enough to protect the team. You find a place to sit down in what you believed to be some sort of rest room or social quarters. Leaning back in the chair, you sigh as you relax your tired muscles and aching joints. Everything hurt, and on the come down from all the adrenaline, you definitely feel like shit.

“(first name)” Sasha calls though from another room. “I'm just going to take Jean up to the medical room here and get cleaned up.” You hear Jean bitching about her mothering him as their voices get further away... So typically Jean.

“What is it with you?” You don't even bother turning to see who it is, Levi's voice was clearly distinctive. You don't answer, as you know it wasn't really intended as a question. “You have a total disregard for your own safety. You were lucky you didn't die out there.” Even though the words themselves were of concern, his tone was not, he was incredulous.

“Maybe, maybe not, but I didn't and neither did you.” You reply, your voice was curt and you cut yourself short to stop yourself from ranting at him and his stupid attitude.

“Brat, did you ever stop to think that you might be important to people alive?” You scowl at him.

“Well, sure. Everyone is better off being alive.” Your voice is dismissive. What a stupid statement. “But if you dare talk to me like that again, you wont be around to shout at me afterwards!”

“Say that again, Brat! I fucking dare you.” His eyes flashed. You get up out of your chair and walk towards him slowly, preparing yourself.

“Talk to me again and I will shut you up-” You are interrupted as he grabs you and pulls you towards him. “Levi! Don't even think about it!” remembering the last encounter, your left hand whips to your hip, fingers closing around the field knife at your waist.

“Shut up, (First Name) Your leg's bleeding.” He used your name? Wait, what?! You allow yourself to watch as he kneels down, then you see your ripped and heavily bloodied trousers. You had a gash on your right thigh, a fucking big one... How the hell did that happen? Why hadn't you noticed? He examines it and stands up quickly, grabbing your arm and throwing you over his shoulder.

“Hey!”

“We need to clean the wound. You don't want to die of sepsis do you?” His voice may have softened slightly, but that still didn't stop you struggling to get away from him. His arm clamps around you tightly even preventing you from squirming, so you resign yourself to fate. You rest your head in your hand in annoyance as he walks you to the medical room...

#levi #levi x reader #levi aot #attack on titan #levixreader #aot #aot fanfiction #aot fandom #levi fanfiction

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whitewolfofwinterfell · 5 years

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Thoughts on Outlander season 4

Disclaimer: I’ve never read the books, so all of my opinions are based solely on what I know from watching the show.

Warning: This will contain spoilers for season 4 and it will not be Roger or Brianna/Roger friendly.

There’s a lot of disappointed and/or frustrated fans with Outlander’s fourth season and I understand why. Overall the season has been underwhelming, inconsistent and lacking any cohesive, engaging plot. In addition, season 4 has had the least amount of on-screen interactions between Claire and Jamie than any of the seasons before it. However, there were memorable moments in the season which were beautiful to watch - Jamie and Brianna’s first meeting, Jamie and Claire finally finding a home at Fraser’s Ridge and experiencing some form of normalcy and domestic bliss (even if it was short-lived), Jamie and Claire’s reunion with Murtagh and every episode/scene with John Grey in it (because who doesn’t love John?). The season also highlighted prominent social and historical issues regarding race, colonialism and slavery (although the show didn’t quite go far enough or give these topics as much focus as they deserved).

The main issue with season 4 is that there was a complete lack of direction or clarity (which may be the fault of the books as the source material, but I wouldn’t know since I haven’t read them). Putting aside Brianna’s arc with Roger, there was very little of anything that happened and on reflection, looking back over the season 4 episodes I’m struggling to articulate what the story for this season was at all. I strongly believe this lack of clarity comes from the shift away from Jamie and Claire as the central focus of the show. It’s the only season that has pushed Jamie and Claire into the background and allowed other characters (mainly Brianna) to take centre stage. Although it was nice to learn more about Brianna, unfortunately, her character and arc (and particularly her relationship with Roger, which I’ll discuss in more detail later) does not hold the same weight as Jamie and Claire’s. Claire and Jamie are the heart and soul of the show, and Caitriona and Sam’s on-screen chemistry is the foundation upon which Outlander is built. A majority of the fans of the books and/or the show are primarily invested in Jamie and Claire’s individual characters and their relationship. To take such a huge step back from that, in my opinion, was a mistake. Without Jamie and Claire it felt the Outlander universe was spinning through infinity with no gravity to keep it grounded.

Unfortunately, I feel that the same thing has happened on Outlander that happens in many stories (whether in books, television or film), whereby the child of the main couple has dramatically changed the tone of the story and stolen the spotlight from their parents. This is no affront to Sophie Skelton, who I think is a wonderful actress and has done an amazing job in her portrayal of Brianna, but generally, Brianna’s season 4 arc has been atrocious and done no justice to her character. To an extent, it’s hard to criticise the show too much on this front because I assume the show is following the books, but for the entirety of the season Brianna has been reduced to a fragile, pregnant woman and rape victim whose whole arc is entangled in men. There’s been no room to explore any facet of her character outside her “relationship” (I use inverted commas, because I’m using the term loosely) with Roger. Despite her meeting with Jamie being one of the most highly anticipated moments of the entire series, she was barely given a chance to get to know her father and bond with him before the pregnancy/Roger drama exploded. Although we met Brianna in season 3, we still know very little about her. We know she’s a student, that she studied history but changed her mind and was uncertain about her future, that she has the same fiery attitude as Claire does and she had a close relationship with Frank. But what else do we really know about her? Even after an entire season focused on her, I feel like Brianna is a stranger. There was a lot of potential in switching the focus from Jamie and Claire to the next generation (meaning Brianna), but it would’ve been so much better if her character had been explored in more meaningful ways and her arc had been better written and not been so focused on Roger and Bonnet. In particular, I think season 4 and Brianna’s arc would’ve been a thousand times better if Roger had been removed from the equation.

I’ll put this out there - I do not like Roger. In season 3, I didn’t have much of an opinion on him, but his actions this season have transformed him into a very unlikable and unsympathetic character, who I find, quite frankly, abhorrent. Not only has he treated Brianna as a prize to be won, he has behaved like a petulant child consistently, giving no regard or consideration to anyone but himself. At this point it’s hard to understand why Brianna loves him. That made their reunion at the end of season 4 with the classic running hug and swelling romantic music feel completely unearned. In fact, that scene left a bitter taste in my mouth and didn’t feel like a good pay-off at all. When Roger and Brianna were friends, they were cute, but everything that has developed between them since, in a romantic sense, has felt completely forced and inorganic. Roger’s proposal to Brianna was awful and the moment I realised I couldn’t get on-board with Roger and Brianna as a ship. For starters, Roger and Brianna barely knew each other when he proposed to her. They lived half way across the world from one another, had spent a long time apart and had only been friends and his out-of-the-blue proposal not only was completely rushed and inappropriate, but his reaction to Brianna’s rejection of his proposal revealed him to be a royal twat. Instead of understanding Brianna’s shock and her reasons for rejecting him, he lashed out selfishly and insulted her honour and character. I could walk you all through the rest of their “relationship” in season 4, but that would be boring and a waste of time, and I’m sure none of us want to relive that. The point is that Roger’s relationship with Brianna was supposed to be some epic love story on par with Jamie and Claire’s, but it has fallen short of that on every count. Roger seemed more obsessed with the idea of Brianna than in love with her, and Roger’s actions mean that there is no logical reason why Brianna should love him at all. They were barely together for 5 minutes, they argued multiple times and spent most of the season apart and yet we’re supposed to buy into them as a romantic couple? The over-investment in this relationship (and Roger and Bree generally) was very detrimental to season 4 as a whole and I strongly believe that removing Roger from the season would’ve greatly improved it and allowed the characters we know and love (primarily Jamie and Claire) to have the screen-time they deserved.

Putting aside the Roger and Brianna/Roger arc, the season had a lot of great moments (some of which I’ve mentioned above). Jamie and Claire had some lovely on-screen moments (even if there weren’t as many as we’re accustomed to) and this was probably the only season where they didn’t come up against any disastrous hurdles that separated them from one another. Although we didn’t get to see as much of their domestic bliss as some fans had hoped, at least their relationship was secure this season for the first time ever. It was also invaluable to see Jamie, Claire and Brianna together as a family. Even just to see the three of them sitting together at the table eating dinner was such a beautiful moment and those subtle scenes were more of a pay-off than the over-blown reunion between Bree and Roger. Jocasta was a wonderful addition to the show and ‘Do No Harm’ (4x02) was by far the episode that touched me the most emotionally. Murtagh returning to the show as a recurring character evoked a sense of nostalgia and was very enjoyable. Everything that was done with John Grey was wonderful, the complexities of that character draw me in every time and it was fascinating to see his interactions with Bree. Young Ian was a delight, and his joining the Mohawk in the final episode was truly the highlight of the finale for me. He provided comedic relief on numerous occasions, but that moment showed the true courage and bravery and the love he had for his family. The scenes between Jamie and Brianna were touching and much needed (although my only complaint again is that there wasn’t enough). Honestly, Brianna finding her parents, finally meeting Jamie and Jamie’s reaction to that alone makes this season enjoyable to me. Brianna is such a huge part of Jamie and to see him go through that process of meeting her as a fully grown woman, grieving the loss of the baby he envisioned and missed out on raising, getting to know Bree as an adult, trying to understand and respect Frank as her father whilst also establishing his own bond with her and all of the complications that come from the nature of his and Bree’s relationship was lovely to watch. The season really felt like one that was about the parent-child relationship, and Jamie and Brianna were the epitome of that.

Overall, I don’t believe season 4 was a terrible season, but there was a lot of room for improvement and some poor decisions made. However, it was rather in-keeping with its predecessor - season 3 - which I felt was also weak and inconsistent in comparison to the first two seasons. In fact, I preferred watching season 4 week to week than I did season 3. Personally, I believe that adult Brianna transformed the entire vibe/direction of the show (whether that was for the better or worse is up to interpretation) and that even if season 5 gives fans what they want and shifts the focus back to Jamie and Claire, it will continue down its changed path that has Brianna at its centre, with new additions of Roger and her son to boot.

#outlander #the frasers #mine #my meta #outlander meta #text post

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weekendwarriorblog · 3 years

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THE WEEKEND WARRIOR 4/2/21: GODZILLA VS. KONG, THE UNHOLY, OXFORD FILM FESTIVAL

I’m really not sure how I feel about doing the Weekend Warrior at quite the level I was doing last year. Even though the box office is slowly coming back, it’s still very frustrating to write about, and honestly, the Disney announcement last week about all the movies being delayed or dumped to Disney+ kinda brought me down. It just tells me that many studios are giving up on theatrical just as people have gotten so used to watching stuff at home, they don’t care about going out and being in rooms with other people, especially strangers. I guess I can understand that, but all the negativity that pervaded the narrative in 2020 is finally doing its damage as theaters reopen and some may have trouble even filling 25% capacity for some movies.

Then again, I’ve just come back from a weekend at the Oxford Film Festival, which became one of the first American film festivals to go in-person, although it is doing a bit of a hybrid in-person with virtual, so locals and a few out-of-of-towners (mainly me) were able to see all of this year’s great programming at one of the outdoor (and then indoor due to weather) venues. I was on the feature doc jury and got to see 11 terrific documentaries, some of which hopefully will get distribution and get out there, but why wait? While most of the movies are geoblocked to the United States (and some to Mississippi), there’s so much great programming to check out over the next month, and you can do so via OxFilm’s virtual cinema, which includes many great features and shorts. As far as the juries, I can highly recommend the Jury Prize winners, In a DIfferent Key, a fantastic film about autism directed by Caren Zucker & John Donvan, and the runner-up, Patrick O’Connor’s Look Away, Look Away, an amazing bi-partisan look at the fight to keep the Confederate-created flag of MIssissippi or change it, depending on your side of the fight. It’s a doc that really needs to be seen in other parts of the country. (Unfortunately, those are both geoblocked to Mississippi, as is Chelsea Christie’s Bleeding Audio, which tells the tragic story of the rise and fall of San Francisco’s The Matches and won for Music Documentary.) There are movies available everywhere in the United States though, and you can check out the full line-up of movies here.

Anyway, OxFilm gives me hope that there’s a future for theatrical moviegoing and as far as the box office, that hope comes in the form of the first holiday weekend since NYC and L.A. reopened as the Good Friday day off for most schools and Easter Monday that continues the vacation for others might persuade people to check out what’s happening in theaters, and fortunately, it’s a movie that’s so easy to market based on the fact that it has two of the biggest movie monsters facing off for the first time since 1963.

That’s right -- opening on Wednesday is the anticipated GODZILLA VS. KING KONG, starring… well, does it really matter who it stars other than Zilla and Kong? Probably not. The fourth movie in the Legendary Pictures and Warner Bros. Monsterverse takes the star of 2017’s Kong: Skull Island ($168 million at domestic box office) and pits him against the title character of 2014’s Godzilla ($200 million) and 2019’s Godzilla, King of the Monsters ($110.5 million). MInd you, I just include those domestic grosses for reference, because even if we take into account that scary dip from Godzilla and its direct sequel, it won’t really matter when you take into consideration a little thing called…. COVID! We’ve already seen movies gross more than $50 million since everything shutdown

I already reviewed this over at Below the Line, so I don’t have much more to say in that regard. It’s good if you like giant monster fights but isn’t much beyond its amazing monster battles, which is why I won’t even mention the actors that appear in it or any of the characters.

Godzilla vs. Kong is probably going to be the widest release since COVID hit with 2,600 theaters on Wednesday and then expanded to 3,000 on Friday when Regal reopens many (but not all) of its theaters. While I expect it to do fine on Weds and Thursday, making probably $4 or 5 million, it should really explode on Good Friday, which should allow it to make somewhere between $18 and 20 million over the three-day holiday weekend, so let’s say $25 to 26 million before Monday.

Also opening theatrically, this one on Friday is the Screen Gems horror movie THE UNHOLY from Sam Raimi’s Ghost House Pictures, the directorial debut by Evan Spiliotopoulos (writer of Disney’s mega-blockbuster Beauty and the Beast live action movie and the Rock’s Hercules ), who adapted the story from James Herbert’s novel “Shrine.” The movie stars Jeffrey Dean Morgan as disgrace journalist Gerry Fenn who is trying to get stories for a supernatural tabloid when he comes upon a deaf teenager named Alice (Cricket Brown) seemingly praying at an oak tree in a rural community in Massachusetts. When she seemingly gets her hearing back and is able to talk, word quickly spreads that she’s able to communicate with a benevolent Virgin Mary-like spirit that gives her the powers to heal. Since this is a horror movie, you can probably guess that things quickly get ugly and scary. THe movie also stars the wonderful Katie Aselton as a local doctor, who doesn’t do very many doctor-y things.

Before we get to my review -- and I’ll blame the review embargo on it for this week’s column being so late -- let’s talk about the movie’s box office potential, because religious horror-thrillers have quite a significant draw over a certain audience going straight back to the ‘70s with movies like The Exorcist and The Omen (the latter one of my all-time favorites) and The Unholy does dip into the toe of both of those. It’s been a long since there’s been one of those which might make this a draw for audiences into theaters, especially over Easter weekend -- that may be meant as irony -- but there’s also a little movie called Godzilla vs. Kong, which is just way more of a draw even with it being on HBO Max, but also because it’s likely to get better reviews. I’m not sure how many theaters Sony is getting this into, but I expect it’s somewhere around 2,000 or so, and that might be enough for the movie to make around $4 to 5 million this weekend, but probably VERY frontloaded to Friday.

Now let’s get to that review…

The Unholy begins with a flashback scene to “February 31, 1845” with a scene right out of the Salem Witch Trials of a woman being mutilated and strung up to a tree. This plays a very important role in a story that involves a fairly ludicrous premise that mostly involves Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s character finding something called a Kern Baby, essentially a porcelain doll wrapped in chains that he decides to smash in order to create a fake supernatural story about how smashing the doll causes crops to fail. In fact, smashing it releases the spirit of the woman we saw in that opening scene possessing a deaf teen girl named Alice who starts to heal everyone in her rural community, while also releasing the evil that had that woman’s spirit bound into the doll in the first place.

There isn’t that much more to say about the plot to a stupid horror premise so full of religious hokum as more characters get involved with trying to figure out if Alice is actually healing people or not. This includes the benevolent local priest Father Hagan, played by William Sadler, and a Bishop (really) played by Cary Elwes, who is using such a bizarre accent, kind of like a cross between the Bronx and a heavy Irish brogue, that it’s impossible to take his character very seriously.

Just knowing what studio garbage Spiliotopoulos has written did not make me very hopeful for his directorial debut, which is just all over the place in terms of tone and pacing, dragging at times and then throwing the type of cheap jump scares and schlocky CG horror creatures at the viewer with very little of it actually being very scary. " (The creature version of "Mary" just looks silly.) Besides being highly derivative, ripping off almost every religious horror movie, both bad and good, some aspects of the movie are so laughably bad that it’s hard to take much of it seriously. Worst of all, it ends with just a really horrible climax that reverses any good will the movie might have created with the casual young horror fans that usually like this thing. Honestly, I wouldn’t be shocked if it’s another one of those unrare “F” CinemaScores we see whenever a studio horror film doesn’t bother matching up to the quality of something like The Witch or Hereditary. Horror fans definitely want more than the usual these days, and The Unholy just seems like a lazy waste of time.

A movie that I’ve been looking forward to seeing and just haven't had time to watch is Emma Seligman’s SHIVA BABY (Utopia) that stars Rachel Sennott as 20-something Danielle who runs into her sugar daddy (Danny Deferrari) at a shiva with his wife (Dianna Agron) and their baby, as well as her parents (Fred Melamed and Pollyw Draper) and Molly Gordon as Danielle’s ex-girlfriend. It’s actually playing at the newly reopened Quad Cinema, so who knows? Actually I did watch Shiva Baby and was kind of disappointed. It seemed very twee and precious, and Sennott's character seems like the type of spoiled Millennial white girl that I hate in indie movies like this. I also just didn't find it particularly funny. Oh, well.

Streaming Friday on Netflix is Ricky Staub’s CONCRETE COWBOY, starring Idris Elba, Caleb McLaughlin and Lorraine Toussiant with McLaughlin being a teenager who moves in with his estranged father (Elba) in North Philadelphia where he learns about his passion for urban horseback riding.

Opening in New York (at the Angelika and Village East) on Friday and in L.A.and other cities on April 9 is the Oscar-nominated International Feature THE MAN WHO SOLD HIS SKIN (Samuel Goldwyn Films), written and directed by Kaouther Ben Hania, and starring Yahya Mahyni, Dea Liane, Koen De Bouw and Monica Bellucci. Tunisia’s submission is the story of Sam Ali, a Syrian who leaves his country for Lebanon to escape the war with hopes of travelling to Europe to be with the love of his life. To fulfill that dream, he allows his back to be tattooed by a contemporary artist that actually brings more trouble to the poor young man.

Hulu will debut the doc WeWork: or The Making and Breaking of a $47 Billion Unicorn (Hulu), which I still haven’t gotten around to watching but seems like an interesting subject for a doc.

A little closer to home at the still-closed Metrograph, they’re playing Claire Dennis’ 2004 film L’Intrus through April 8, and on Friday will open Sky Hopinka’s experimental debut maɬni – towards the ocean, towards the shore (Grasshopper Films) which follows Sweetwater Sahme and Jordan Mercier as they wander around the Pacific Northwest, mostly speaking in the Chinuk Wawa language. The latter is free to digital members ($5/month, $50 a year!) and $12 for non-members… pretty easy decision there, huh? Ms. Dennis’ film is also available to members.

Not only that, but New York’s Film Forum is also reopening this Friday with the double feature of Almodovar’s remastered Woman on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown and his new short The Human Voice, starring Tilda Swinton; the fantastic doc The Truffle Hunters; as well as his Fellini’s masterful Oscar winner La Strada (Janus Films, 1954), starring Anthony Queen and the wonderful Giulietta Masina! (That’s what I’ll be seeing this Sunday!) On top of that, Film Forum will continue its fantastic Virtual Cinema programming, which will launch Eric Roehmer’s A Tale of Winter (1992) this Friday with Roehmer’s A Tale of Summer (1996) joining the Virtual Cinema starting Friday April 9.

Got exciting news that Film at Lincoln Center will be reopening on April 16, but this week, they’ll be launching the latest edition of Neighboring Scenes, its annual series of Latin American films done in conjunction with Cinema Tropical. It’s 10 films that you can watch with an all-access pass for the low price of $80, and it usually has some good movies in the program.

A couple others out this week, including Funny Face and Every Breath You Take (Vertical), which I don’t even have time to look up what they’re about. Sorry!

That’s it for this week. Next week, Neil Burger’s sci-fi coming-of-age thriller, VOYAGERS, will hit theaters.

#the weekend warrior #godzillavskong #theunholy #movies #reviews #streaming #shivababy

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britesparc · 3 years

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Weekend Top Ten #461

Top Ten Good Things That Actually Happened in 2020

Well, thank God that’s over, am I right?

It feels kinda weird to be sitting here looking back over the wreckage and general weirdness of 2020, a year that pretty much defines the word “anxiety”. I have a lot to be thankful for: none of us died, for a start; we all seemed to avoid The Plague in its entirety for the whole year. We still have a house, we still have food, we always had enough toilet paper, and above all we had each other. It was hard, it was long, it sucked a great deal at times, but there are substantially worse hands to be dealt all things considered.

Anyway, amongst all the crap, there were some good things, too. And I don’t mean the end-year highs of them finding a vaccine, Biden beating Trump, and us narrowly avoiding No Deal by eating a ton of rotten mud instead of actual shit. No, throughout the year, there were actually some things that happened that were genuinely good; great, even.

And so once again, with no further ado, here are my ten favourite things. Like usual, these are, y’know, things that I watched or played or whatever. I don’t go on about my great kids being great, or the fact that I finally finished writing and formatting enough children’s books to start showing them to agents. But my kids were both elected their respective class’s reps to the school council, which is pretty badass. Here you go. Ten good things. Watch them on catch-up, or whatever.

Mega Mando: without a doubt the best “thing” that I saw was the second season of The Mandalorian. Managing to be both an event-of-the-week show (a heist! An infiltration! A siege!) as well as a long-form narrative; feeling distinct and its own thing but tying into so many aspects of Star Wars; full of absolutely excellent scenes and direction and performances; and holy crap what an ending. When you watch a few of these kinds of shared-universe genre shows, this sort of thing is a rarity to the point of my never having seen it before. Seasons that are too long? Filler episodes? Disappointing lore? A “thirteen-hour movie”? Mando swerves all of these things and – notwithstanding my love for The Last Jedi – emerges as possibly the best thing Star Wars has done since at least the classic LucasArts games of the late nineties.

Series SeXy: finally the new consoles came out, and I got an Xbox Series X. It was quite a ride for yours truly: I managed to successfully pre-order one from Microsoft directly; it turned up on the day of release, except it was late in the evening and the kids were around so I couldn’t open it; then, after briefly testing it, I shoved it back in its box till Christmas. Honestly, you wanna talk about anticipation much? It was literally in my house and I still didn’t properly set it up till the evening on Christmas Day. Anyway: it’s great. It just works, y’know? It’s a beautiful boxy delight, with its chunky green holes and its shiny edges. It makes all my games look amazing, it’s so fast and buttery-smooth. It’s like upgrading a PC, but far more successful and expansive an upgrade than I was ever able to do when I was actually upgrading a PC. Anyway, it’s great. It even runs Cyberpunk 2077.

Lockdown Crossing: Animal Crossing: New Horizons arrived at exactly the right time. Lockdown was starting, everything was darkness and fear, people were dying, we needed distractions, and here was a game about being happy and friendly and doing up your house and digging up fossils. It was perfect. It was also a great social game, with my kids loving sending presents to each other, or meeting up with their uncle (who they literally saw only once this year). A great game at just the right time.

The Stream Where it Happens: Mando might have been my TV highlight of the year, but film-wise my favourite new movie was not only not really a movie but was also several years old. Hamilton popped up almost by surprise on Disney+, and it was the first time I’d been able to experience it – and it was just as good as I’d heard. At this point you don’t need me to rhapsodise about the lyricism, performance, staging, and West Wing references; I think you either get it or you don’t, and I got it big time. Weirdly, experiencing it at home made some kind of perfect sense, and it made up for missing out on the big cinematic musicals such as In the Heights and West Side Story.

Fantabulous Harley Quinn: Harley rocked on both the big and the small screen this year. Birds of Prey, or whatever it ended up being called, was actually the last film I saw at the cinema before the Big Shutdown of 2020. It’s not perfect, sure, but it’s a hell of a lot of fun; Margot Robbie is a blast, it’s really funny, and is edgy in just the right way, rather than feeling like it’s trying too hard. I was more sceptical going into the Harley Quinn animated show (starring Penny off The Big Bang Theory, for goodness’ sake!), as “sweary adult Harley Quinn cartoon” is pretty high on my checklist of “things that are trying to be edgy”, but I’m glad I gave it a chance, because it followed a very similar line to the movie. Hilarious, violent, filthy, but also offering a subtle unpeeling of Harley’s psyche and giving her more character development than she gets in most of her comic appearances. It was a great year for Harley. Just wish they’d show the second season of her show.

All This Plus Disney: yeah, I’ve already singled out Mando and Ham (great unmade detective show, there), but I’ve gotta say Disney+ in general has been a huge highlight. From getting all yer Marvels and yer Star Wars in one place, to a wealth of preschool and middle-grade shows for the kids (my youngest mainlined Vampirina this Spring), to being a home for loads of high-quality family films from years gone by (it was the prime destination for many a family movie night), to, well, the future. WandaVision launches in a couple of weeks, followed by dozens of great shows and movies; not just ones about sad superheroes, either – personally I can’t wait for the likes of Chip & Dale. I’ve gotta say, I’ve been really impressed, and once they roll out the sexier, swearier Fox stuff later this year, it’ll only get better.

A Schitt Year: we got into Schitt’s Creek rather late (like many a sitcom – I think we only discovered Brooklyn Nine-Nine and The Good Place in the last eighteen months or so), but it’s truly sublime, and it only got better and better as it built towards it joyous climax (ewww, David!). It was a great show about a family of people who were kinda arseholes, but were really very nice underneath it all, and how this town of people who were sorta idiots but kinda nice underneath it all brought out the better natures of everybody. It was, basically, a show about the all-encompassing power of being Nice. I’m so, so happy that it achieved huge success in its final season, winning literally all the Emmys. Hot Schitt.

Top Trek: 2020 was bookended by the two newest incarnations of People Boldly Going, Picard and Discovery. I was super excited to check in with Jean-Luc and pals nearly twenty years since we’d last seen them; although the show wasn’t a Best of Both Worlds-style masterpiece, it presented a believably fractured vision of the Federation, and a sadder, wearier Picard. It got a bit bogged down in Borg stuff, and I wasn’t totally sold on the ending, but I’m very, very eager to spend more time with these characters in future seasons. Discovery, meanwhile, flashed forward, with a season set about 900 years after Picard, and gave us what amounts to the closest Star Trek gets to a dystopia. It took its time settling in, but by crikey it pulled its threads together for a great run of episodes as we gear up to the finale later this week. I’ve very much enjoyed Star Trek on TV this year, and I’m really looking forward to whatever comes next.

Netflickin’ Ass: on the one hand, it was quite nice to see streaming services picking up the slack during the cinema closures, with many films winding up on Prime Video or Netflix or wherever; there were also those “Premium VOD” options, such as Trolls World Tour or Mulan, but I never quite fancied parting with so much cash for a rental (“Only if it’s Black Widow or Wonder Woman,” I said… so, yeah, see you later this month for the latter!). One trend I did notice, however, was Netflix also picking up the slack of “big Hollywood star-driven action movie”. Y’know, the stuff that had Van Damme or Seagal in it in the ‘90s, before everything became franchised (Mission: Impossible could almost fall under this banner, but Cruise became too huge and the series itself eventually was the draw, I’d argue). Anyway, these sorts of films nowadays are low-rent DTV fodder starring slumming former megastars, so fair play to Netflix for resurrecting the genre and giving it a fresh coat of paint and lease of life. Stuff like Extraction and The Old Guard weren’t exactly masterpieces, but they were solidly entertaining with great central performances and some nicely turned-out action. Looking forward to more of the same – bigger, better, and with more people getting killed with rakes!

A Summer of Anticipation: it was a weird year – well, yeah, of course it was, you know, you were there. But one of the things that was weird was that so much was going to happen. I mean, there were loads of things I was looking forward to as the year began; from the MCU and Star Wars shows to big movies, smaller movies, and – of course – new games consoles. And as the year went on, amidst the angsty real-world wait-and-see, there was also a steady drip of news and non-news as we held on to find out which films were pushed back, which were skipping the cinema, and mostly what the games would look like on the new consoles. Barely a week seemed to go by without new rumours, new stories, and new leaked videos or imagery. It was maddening and infuriating but also, weirdly, glorious. This strange ongoing sense of anticipation and wonder, even if quite often the news ended up being disappointing as more and more big hitters slipped to 2021 (everything from Bond to Halo to pretty much the whole MCU). But like an entire year made up of Christmas Eves, it felt for the longest time that anything was possible… just round the corner.

See? It wasn’t all bad. And maybe this year we’ll get to enjoy all the stuff we thought we’d enjoy in 2020! I mean, at the very least, Trump’s gonna be gone… right?

#top ten #2020 #film #tv #disney #hamilton #mandalorian #games #xbox #halo #series x

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shelivesinthewoods · 7 years

Text

The Beginning of the End

The Royal Romance Drake x MC Rating: eh I'll go with PG13 cause I think there's an f-bomb or something. This was written before the most recent chapter because I was pretty unsatisfied with the previous one and because I've been pretty unhappy about MC and her being unable to not flirt with Liam. I'm toying with a part two. Maybe three. Meh. We'll see. The day of the coronation ball had come. Olivia was her normal mean mouth self, Hana was as sweet as always and Alix had spent too much if her travel money on a beautiful dress (again😰) she was however on auto pilot. This... Today was supposed to be the day they learned who won this competition. The day of the pay out in the prince's hand as well as the Cordonian crown. Honestly, she wasn't certain how she'd even gotten to this point. Sure, she'd come for the competition... well, truthfully she'd come for the travel opportunity-- that wasn't to say that she didn't genuinely like Liam, they'd had a spark in New York and she'd been interested to see if it might ignite. Liam was a doll. Truly a prince in all senses of the word. She hadn't actually expected to become one of the front runners. In fact, she'd mostly anticipated being more or less shunned. Instead, she'd made better friends than she even had back home. Surprising, right? Both Hana and Maxwell were nobles but had accepted her with open arms. Drake... Drake was a commoner too but much more versed in nobility and subsequently more cynical. He was grumpy and bitter; sometimes downright mean, but never really to her. Cynical, absolutely... mean, no. If all people, she hadn't expected to find a kindred spirit in him. What had come after that friendship... *That* realization had blind sided her. She'd come to Cordonia to see if she could love Liam... and she did... just not the way she was supposed to. She cared about him... loved him... but she wasn't *in* love with him. No. No... against all odds (and her better sense of reason), she'd gone and fallen in love with his grump ass best friend. Liam on the other hand had started to tell her his feelings on multiple occasions. Each time, they were interrupted. So, maybe not meant to be. Really really not meant to be. Even so, she'd managed to gain favor from the press, the ladies of the court... his parents. A part of her wishes she felt more, but you couldn't help who you loved... or who you didn't. She knew she should have nipped things before they'd gotten so far, but she didn't want to let anyone down. Maxwell and Bertrand were depending on her. Liam needed someone less crabby than his best friend to "vent" to at times. Hana needed a friend in the court and Drake... he needed a friend who wasn't a prince. She related to him in some ways simply in their similarities. She was not an extrovert; though clearly not as antisocial as he was- she'd never put herself out for people either. Yet one more reason she had no idea how she'd made an impression, let alone a good one. Alix stared blankly into the mirror as she took great effort in curling her blonde, purple and blue hair into ringlets- making sure that the sporadic highlights were tucked into the curls. She's already done her make up, covered her freckles-- turned herself into the now familiar stranger in front of her. She'd lost a bit of herself with this competition.. cover the freckles, hide the hair colors, temper the personality that made her who she was. Today, this was the first time she'd noticed how sad her eyes looked... even with her crappy job and apartment in New York she's at least been content. A movement behind her caught her attention and gave her a startle; her green eyes darted up meeting brown and her heart gave a soft thump. Drake's features were readable for once- wide eyes, mouth slightly open and she was reasonably certain she read him mouthing, 'Wow.' He managed to school his features back to aloof when he realized she'd noticed his presence. She did the same with her features, cooler. Still friendly-ish. "How long have you been back there lurking, creeper?" Drake's lips turned up into a smirk, "Long enough. You look..." his words failed him. In this dress, with the hair and make up, she looked every bit the queen she would become. A reminder of why he'd stayed scarce since their time alone together in the Beaumont's study. "You look perfect." He muttered, his hands curling into fists in his suit pockets. The moments he had with her... the moments that meant the most to him were when she wasn't perfect. The skiing race. Their jaunt into the woods in the snow storm, when laughed at herself for almost falling overboard at the regatta. So many others. Sunburns and freckles. Colorful hair and fun. Always the moments in between. Her head tilted minutely. "Why are you here, Drake?" All of a sudden even to her own ears, she sounded very tired. She was relatively certain she already knew. "You already have put this together, I'm sure, but what happened in that study was a mistake. I should have never..." Alex winced when he called it... them... a mistake. She didn't feel that sharing her feelings while still at the Apple festival or in the study had been a mistake. "You didn't." She replied her gaze going distant again as she put another curl into her hair. "I did. I, however, don't regret it." Drake blinked, clearly not expecting those words. 'Blind obedience, quiet agreement, Drake? Clearly you haven't been paying attention.' " I don't regret how I feel, or making it known. I'm sorry you disagree." "That's not.. you know I-" he took a breath, wishing he'd thought to bring his flask with him. He could really use a drink right now. Of course she wouldn't make this easy. "It isn't that easy, Klein. Liam... Liam's happiness-" he trailed off. One perfect eyebrow arched, "Takes precedence over your own." His jaw squared, "Absolutely." "And over mine as well." Drake looked for a moment like she'd struck him. "You *came here* for Liam! *He's* the one you agreed to travel here to compete for. The one Maxwell's families fate depends on. Don't... don't act like you didn't know that." "Actually," her voice was clipped, "I came to compete and see if I might actually fall for him. To find out if there might be *something.* I didn't. There's not." She was still looking at him through the mirror, her eyes were narrow and the expression on her face was not one he enjoyed having directed at him. "Then why are you still here?" Placing the curling iron back on the table, slightly harder than was absolutely necessary, Alix replied with, "At the moment, that's a very good question." Dragging a hand over his face, Drake finally muttered, "He's my best friend, Klein. I *will not* do this to him." He watched her eyes darken again, "Maybe it doesn't make sense to you-" "I don't want to hurt him either, Drake! I don't want to ruin the two of you. It's not like I planned for any of this." Her eyes filled, but she looked away from him. "Alix..." he took two steps closer to her before he was even conscious of doing so and then stopped abruptly. The fucking draw he had to her. "It doesn't matter. You're right. Liam needs the support you give him. I don't want to damage that." "What do you want Alix?" She turned off the curling iron as she stood, then smoothed the creases from her dress. She turned toward him; he was between she and the door. 'You.' Was the simple word at the tip of her tongue. In particular, with his suit-- a very different way to see him. He'd said once that he'd only dress up if there was someone he wanted to impress. His cheeks colored a little when he realized she'd noticed his suit. "You look handsome." He chuckled, "Well, I know I'm no Prince Liam, but..." the snarky comment died on his lips at the expression in her face. "What?" "Stop doing that!! Yes, Liam is a prince. Yes Liam is attractive. So what?! It doesn't make him any better than you. Honestly probably one of the biggest reasons he's not an insufferable prick is because of you!" She took a breath, "You deserve everything just as much as he does! Maybe more, because you've never had anything handed to you." She was angry. She physically shook herself after a moment and he stood staring at her as she started toward him, "I should get out there."she said softly as she tried to edge around him. Against his best judgement, Drake brushed the back of his hand against hers and she looked up at him. This felt like goodbye... he knew it needed to be... the knowledge didn't mean he was ready for it. "Klein.." he brought one hand up to the back of her neck and his lips swept down to meet hers. She stiffened for a moment and he was briefly concerned that she'd pulled away, that he shouldn't have... he started to pull back when her lips softened against his and one of her hands was in his hair. He pulled her snugly against him, his arms around her waist, hands squeezing, bunching the dress. He wanted more. Her. He wanted her. That was it. They broke the kiss and both were panting as he allowed his forehead to rest against hers. "I've never been jealous of anything about Liam. I've never wanted anything of his, the way I want you." Her left hand lifted to his right cheek, pressing another soft kiss to his lips, "I'm not his." He gave a completely humorless chuckle, "No, not yet.. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." The warmth in her expression melted away, "No, you shouldn't have." Just like that, the spell was broken. "I really must go." Her expression changed again, but this one.. this one he couldn't read. She did, however reach up to rub off the lipstick stain she'd left on his lips. "Goodbye Drake."

#trr #trr drake #drake x mc #sequel?

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chapello · 7 years

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No Sleep ‘til Auburn

On Monday, June 12, I got the email: I was in.

I was going to run the fabled Western States 100, the world’s oldest 100 mile endurance run. There was a catch: the race began in less than 12 days.

Part 0: My Journey to Western States

My journey to States had begun more than a year prior when I ran the Canyons 100K, which occurs entirely on the WS100 course. All of the volunteers there had been enthusiastic: “this race is great, but you need to run Western States. It’s the show. It will change your life.” I took them at face value, and used my finish to submit my name into the Western States lottery in December 2016. With one ticket in the lottery, I had less than a 2% chance of being selected. More than 3,500 people enter the lottery hoping for one of 200+ entries that are selected via the lottery (the others runners chosen with different methods). Honestly, I didn’t believe that I had a chance; I only submitted my name to begin building up tickets to be selected in 4-5 years. I had had friends who had waited 6 years to be selected, and they had run at least one qualifying race of 100K or longer each year. Why should my fate be any different?

Then again, my friend Paul Braa had been selected with one ticket the year before, so I had reason for hope. For some reason, I hoped.

On December 3, I was racing the North Face 50 mile in the Marin Headlands. i knew that the drawing for States was happening during my race, and I hoped, but I didn’t expect that I would get in. When I approached the aid station at mile 42, my pacer (Paul Braa, the same friend who had run WS100 the year before with only one ticket in the lottery as a “One ticket wonder”) who I was picking up at that point was jumping up and down and yelling “thirty-six! thirty six!” I immediately corrected him to tell him I was at mile 42.

I misunderstood him - I had been drawn 36th in the new Western States waitlist, out of 50 spots. I wasn’t in, but I was one step closer. What needed to happen after that for me to enter the race was for 36 people to either pull out of the race or withdraw their name from the waitlist.

The waitlist was implemented to solve a simple problem: Western States has a permit from the US Forest Service that allows 369 entrants. In the past, they had given 369 runners entry into the race, but inevitably there were runners who were unable to start because of injuries, inability to travel, or other commitments. The waitlist was added to ensure that this race, which so many people want to run, always has exactly 369 starters.

Even after being placed on the waitlist, my odds of actually running were slim. Of the past five years, in only one year did more 36 people not start the race. Many friends in the running community encouraged me to find a backup race, and to not get my hopes too high. I would have other chances to run the race, future years where I could put my name back in the lottery.

And yet, I hoped for this year. I hoped that the incentives that the race administrators implemented would encourage injured runners to give up their spots. More than anything else, I hoped that the intrepid spirit of this strange and wonderful sport of ultrarunning would shine through. This is a sport in which the leaders and those at the back of the pack regularly socialize and cheer for one another. This is a sport where the winner regularly spends time meeting with fans long after he or she has crossed the finish line. This is a sport where all are equal in suffering. I suppose I hoped that runners who were contemplating dropping from the race would consider the fact that if they dropped, another runner would get a chance to run - and I hoped that they would see the beauty in that that I did.

And because of this hope, I trained. I trained like I never had before - I put a lot of mileage and stress on my body. I did my first 100 mile week. I traversed the last 70 miles of the course during Western States training weekend. I explored the Cascade range east of Seattle. I trained around the island of Hawaii. I wore sweatshirts during 90 degree runs, and I spent hours sitting in the sauna. Training is a rite of passage, and I wanted to earn the privilege to compete at Western States.

Many people asked me if this training would be worth it if I did not get in - I always had the same answer, that of course it would be worth it. I considered it a great honor to have a shot at racing WS100, and if I got a shot I wanted to respect the distance and the race. If I didn’t get in, that was OK too, because I would still learn a lot about myself in racing. That’s an overly simplistic explanation - of course I would have been bummed if I hadn’t made it into the race - but I had convinced myself that no matter what, the process of training was going to make me a better athlete and better man, and that was worthwhile. Throughout the beginning of the year, it looked as if I was not going to get lucky. The waitlist moved a few names, but not tremendously. But still, I hoped. Then, in mid-May, runners seemed to make a decision: it was six weeks out from the race, and if they were injured, it was likely they would not be able to compete. Many began to withdraw, then many more. Before I knew it, I was in the top 10, then the top 5, then I was in the race. I was tremendously lucky to be selected as the third-to-last entrant from the waitlist. With only 12 days to finish my preparations, I was in!

Saturday, June 24, 3:30AM, Squaw Valley, CA. I had already been lying awake in bed for more than an hour in nervous anticipation before the beginning of the race. Six of my friends had signed on to be part of the crew that would help me get from Squaw to Auburn that day, and I was thinking of them. I was thinking of the 3,300+ lottery entrants who had wanted my spot in the race. I was thinking of my fellow runners. I was thinking of my training. I was ready.

The day before, Friday, had been electric. I spent the morning and early afternoon chatting with friends, meeting new runners, and soaking up the atmosphere of the best environment in the ultrarunning world. As I did my shakeout run down the Squaw Valley bike path, I saw at least 10 runners with whom I would be toeing the line the next day. Still, I tried to keep my energy in check for the big effort on Saturday. I checked in, went to the pre-race meeting, and then spent the rest of the afternoon preparing and relaxing.

Finally, it was time to go. I was on the start line. There were nervous jitters, sure, but mostly i was excited to get out an roam the Sierra, and to experience this race that I had dreamed of running for years. Three…two…one…and a blast from a double-barrelled shotgun. We were off up the Escarpment.

Part 1: Disaster in The High Country

The first four miles of the race are directly up the ski hill at Squaw Valley. That is to say that they are essentially straight up. Most runners choose to hike this section, and I was no exception: I wanted to be very conservative the first 30 miles, and not use much mental energy. When I reached the top of the Escarpment at 1:10 elapsed, I was right on schedule.

I took a moment to savor the sunrise over Lake Tahoe: this was really happening. I high fived my friend Misha, said hi to Ultrarunner Podcast host Eric Schranz (who was playing his signature Alpenhorn) and began to descend through the undulating High Country. I had never run this part of the course, but had heard that parts of it were quite technical, so I decided to settled in on a pace that felt easy. I figured that this would turn out to be 11 or 12-minute miles on technical terrain at altitude, but I was in for a rude awakening.

For the first 15 miles, there were snowdrifts that had been packed down covering almost the entire trail. The ice on top of the drifts made it almost impossible to run easy, and we were constantly falling over and sliding from side to side. I was using a lot more effort than I expected, and I��m pretty sure I ate it at least 15 times on the ice. I rolled into the first aid station at Lyon Ridge having worked harder than I had wanted but I still figured I was on about 24 hour pace, which was my goal for the day.

DEAD WRONG - I was already about 45 minutes behind 24-hour pace, and was dangerously already 15 minutes behind 30-hour pace. That is when I realized that this was going to be much harder than I had imagined, and that all of plans were out the window. The next 10-15 miles were quite muddy - where the ice had melted, the water found the lowest place (as it is wont to do) and settled in the trail. Running in streams is not such a bad thing if you’re only doing it for 10 or 15 minutes, but when you’re going to be running for 24+ hours it’s not a good idea.

Many would-be finishers were cut off at the early aid stations. I ran past Camille Herron, who just three weeks earlier had won the Comrades Marathon and who was one of the favorites heading into race day. She had dropped. I knew that many of the runners behind me were not going to make the early cutoffs, and my heart ached for them. Especially for Wally Hesseltine, who was running again in 2017 after missing the finish by just one minute in 2016.

This was the hardest part of the race mentally and emotionally for me because of the effort that I put in running in the snow and mud. I had convinced myself that I wanted to drop at mile 15. The chairs there looked very inviting - I could have easily ended my day. But then I thought about all of the other lottery entrants who wanted my spot. I thought about my buddy Chris Mocko and all of the other front-runners who had to brave the same conditions and were still many miles ahead of me. I thought about Ben Koss, who had to drop one week before the race with an injury.

And then I my crew and friends waiting for me down the trail, and that my fiancée had gotten shirts for the crew - I really wanted to see what those shirts said.

And with that, I convinced myself to continue. At mile 24, I got to see my crew and my fiancée for the first time. Man, did I need it. She had made shirts that had a picture of me at the finish line with the words “You know you want me” written on it - they were AWESOME and were just the mental boost I needed.

I was still behind 30 hour pace but had picked up time on the pace since the last aid stations. I adjusted my goals to finishing the race under 30 hours (anything over 30 is not an official finish) and headed down the trail. For the rest of the high country, I cruised along and made up a lot of time. By the time I got to Last Chance, I was 30 minutes ahead of 30-hour pace and feeling good. The day was getting HOT - I heard that the high was 108F - so I had been loading up my pack and arm sleeves with ice at every aid station. After I left Last Chance, I was feeling good - I was moving well, had managed to stay cool despite the intense heat of the middle of the day, and was looking forward to a long dip in the creek at the bottom of Deadwood Canyon.

I had officially turned a corner and was beginning to look at my race in a positive light.

Part 2: Steady in The Canyons

It was around 4PM as I began to descend into Deadwood Canyon, and I was enjoying the steep descent with Charlie, a man about to get his 10th WS100 finish (and a fancy new buckle!). We lead a train down into the canyon, but it was slow going as my quads were shot. After the 2-mile descent, some runners proceeded immediately to the 1,800 ft steep climb to the top of Devil’s Thumb, but a group of about 5 of us split off to spend some quality time in the creek at the bottom of Deadwood. This turned out to be an amazing decision: after 5 minutes in the creek I was feeling my core temperature decreasing, and like I had the energy to take on the hill. Sure enough, I passed about 15 people on the climb, many of whom were dry heaving due to the heat. At the top of Devil’s Thumb, I re-iced, re-fueled, and got a popsicle as promised, and proceeded to El Dorado. El Dorado Canyon is much deeper than Deadwood at about 2,500 ft, but the descent is much less steep. At some point in the descent, I let myself celebrate: I was halfway done and more than 60 minutes ahead of 30 hour pace! It was slow going on the steep parts of the descent as my quads would still not allow me to run hard, and I began to have another low moment. How was I going to fare on the downhills of Cal Street and the end of the course? I still had almost 50 MILES of running to do. But I would not let myself be overcome by these thoughts, and proceeded on. At Michigan Bliuff at Mile 55, I was so relieved to see my entire crew, including several friends who had driven from San Francisco that morning to see me. I told them I was not doing well, but after a long swig of red Gatorade, the gave me a headlamp and I was off. It’s a bizarre feeling, beginning to run at night when you have been running all day. In between Michigan Bluff and Foresthill I moved slowly but consistently. I did my best to do math - If I arrived at Foresthill before 10PM, I could “run" 20 minute miles to the finish. That seemed more than doable. Foresthill was a breath of fresh air, and I set my sights upon it. I picked up my pacer, Matt, and changed shoes. My feet were destroyed from the High Country and Canyons, and my crew amazing washed them and bandaged my blisters with duct tape. There was no hiding it: the next 38 miles were going to HURT. And yet I was thrilled: I was really doing it, I had a good chance of finishing Western States!

Part 3: Consistency on Cal Street

With Matt in tow, I was ready to roll down Cal Street. This portion of the course is famous for its easy downhills, so I was excited to be out of the canyons and past the toughest parts of the day. The sun had also gone down so it was now dark and cooling off.

So, was I running fast? NOPE. I just didn’t have the energy to spin the legs at anything faster than 15 min / mile pace as we made our way from Foresthill to the river. That said, I was in pretty good spirits and picking up time. Matt and I chatted about anything and everything in life (thanks, buddy!) and the time flew by. By the time we arrived at the river, I had about 75 minutes on the 30 hour pace and was feeling good about my finish.

Crossing the American River at 3AM in boats was quite the experience. In low snow years, the race orgnizers set up a cord and runners ford the river, but because there had been so much precipitation in the Sierras this winter we were crossing in rafts. At this point, all I had to do was run 21 min / mile pace to the finish to make it there before the 30 hour cutoff at 11AM.

Part 4: Grit to the Finish

Right after we exited the river, my troubles started. I had stopped taking ice overnight as temperatures fell to 70 degrees, and I think I was overheating. I also may have been drinking too much water. In any case, by mile 85, I was extremely lightheaded and did not feel like I had full control of my body.

I stopped at mile 85 at Auburn Lake Trails and against my better judgment, sat down in the medical tent.

Doctor: “What’s wrong?”

Matt: “He’s feeling lightheaded and dizzy.

”Doctor: “I would be, too, after running 85 miles.”

The doctor continued to ask me if I was keeping food down (yes) if I was keeping water down (yes) and if I was peeing (yes). He told me I was fine. I wanted to shout back at him “NO, I am NOT fine” but I didn’t have the energy to do anything more than haul myself out of the chair and continue what felt like a march to Auburn.

Must. Finish. Race.

I can’t tell you how hard it is to explain what goes through your mind 26 hours into a race. I couldn’t think clearly, I couldn’t do math, and i was convinced that my pacer Matt was lying to me about how much time I had left in the race (turns out he was right - sorry, Matt! #ultrabrain).

The next 5 miles or so I began to feel better after eating some electrolytes, and I made it to Pointed Rocks at Mile 94, where my fiancée, Lisa, was going to pace me to the finish. I was SO excited to see her, and to have her bring me home.

Crossing No Hands Bridge at mile 97 was surreal - I had dreamed of that moment many times, but when it actually came it felt like I couldn’t quite grasp its significance - after all, I had been awake since 3AM the day before. We made the final climb up to Robie Point, and it became clear to even my addled brain at that point that I was going to finish and get a belt buckle.

Man, I wanted that buckle. I made that my focus as we ran/walked the rest of the climb up to Auburn.

When I got to Auburn, I was greeted by an unexpected sight - my entire crew, plus a gang of friends had gathered to accompany me the last mile to the finish. That mile was the most satisfying of the entire day - I still couldn’t run all of it, but I got to enjoy the company of many friends who I had trained with and who had helped me get to the finish line. I found myself incredibly grateful.

As I rounded the final turn onto the track at Placer High, emotion took over and I began to run faster than I had in many hours. That victory lap was filled with high fives, peace signs, and friendly greetings. I even passed a runner en route to the finish on the track. I finally crossed the finish line in 29 hours and 35 minutes, more than 5 hours after I had hoped to finish. But it was still a perfect day. I had survived the snow and mud of the high country, I had braved the heat of the canyons, and I had traversed Cal street across the river. Most of all, I had fought my own doubts about whether I could ever reach the finish - and I had won. I couldn’t be prouder of the day I had at Western States.

If you’d like to see the (slow) data of my day+, here is the Strava file.

Final Thoughts

I want to say thank you to everyone who helped me get here, especially my crew - Lisa, Steph x 2, Matt, Katie, Sam, and Kristyn. thank you to all of the friends who gathered in Auburn at the finish, and everyone who congratulated me or asked for a recap. You made this one of the highlights of my life.

I had always heard that the 100-mile distance was like living your life in one day. I’ve now learned that that statement is very true. I experienced every emotion: anger, sadness, unbridled joy, worry, exhaustion, contempt. I watched the sun rise twice in one run. I experienced snow and 100+ degree temperatures. I met at least 100 new people who were going through this all at the same time.

Which leads me to my final point.

Why?

Why did I run the race?

Many of my friends who do not run have asked me. It’s a simple answer, really. I ran to prove to myself that I can. Before doing it, all I had was a belief that it was possible, and stories from friends who had done it. I ran for the same reason anyone settles on a big goal: to strive for something further, something better, something that makes you stare in awe. That awe changed my perspective, and my life. I now know that I can do it.

I couldn’t be prouder.

#ultrarunning #ultramarathon #westernstates100

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lexacourtney · 4 years

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Thank God that the majority of the books I hauled in February are eBooks, because I do not have room on my shelf for SEVENTEEN new books. I would need a whole new shelf for last month’s haul.

I didn’t realize I’d hauled so many, since most were on my Kindle, and there were only six sitting on my shelf. I’ve read a lot of these…well, eight of them, and I’ve enjoyed them. Others are eARCs off NetGalley. Then there are a couple that were Kindle One-Click buys and some freebies and too good to miss discounts.

Basically, I acquired more eBooks in Feb 2020, than I’ve acquired in literal months.

I’m going to stop trying to intro this blog post, and just get into the books I hauled last month. It’s probably going to take me a year as it is, so better to stop procrastinating.

The Bone Charmer (The Bone Charmer #1) – Breeana Shields

(US Hardcover – Signed) / ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ / Review / GR

Saskia knows her mother saw multiple paths for her, yet chose one she knew Saskia wouldn’t want. Their argument leads to a fracture in one of the bones. Broken bones are always bad luck, but this particular set of bones have been infused with extra magic, and so the break has devastating consequences—Saskia’s future has split as well. Now she will live her two potential paths simultaneously. Only one future can survive. And Saskia’s life is in danger in both.

I read an ARC of this a while back and absolutely loved it. So much, and I highly recommend. Unfortunately, when I moderated Brigid and Breeana’s signing, I wasn’t able to get a copy of her book. The Christiana Barnes and Noble was kind enough to notify me when they got signed copies in stock and I was able to snag one that way. It might only be March, but this is one of my fave 2020 reads.

Chasing Lucky – Jenn Bennett

(eARC NetGalley) / GR

In this coming-of-age romance perfect for fans of Jenny Han and Sarah Dessen, scandal and romance collide when an ambitious teen returns to her hometown only to have her plans interrupted after falling for the town’s “bad boy”—a.k.a. her childhood best friend.

Honestly, this was ‘Read Now’ on NetGalley for like a hot second so I snagged it. I didn’t realize it was her newest release – I wasn’t paying attention – but it sounded cute, so I clicked it. I doubt I would have been approved otherwise. I’ve heard good things, so I’m looking forward to reading it. I’m rediscovering my love for YA contemporaries, so I’m hoping this doesn’t disappoint.

Chain of Gold (The Last Hours #1) – Cassandra Clare

(US ARC) / ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ / Review / GR

Welcome to Edwardian London, a time of electric lights and long shadows, the celebration of artistic beauty and the wild pursuit of pleasure, with demons waiting in the dark. For years there has been peace in the Shadowhunter world. James and Lucie Herondale, children of the famous Will and Tessa, have grown up in an idyll with their loving friends and family, listening to stories of good defeating evil and love conquering all. But everything changes when the Blackthorn and Carstairs families come to London…and so does a remorseless and inescapable plague.

I don’t understand how I won an ARC of this book. I don’t. When I saw the email from Simon and Schuster in my inbox I just kept going ‘No Way’ over and over and over. I loved this book. It’s been a while since I’ve read a Shadowhunter book and this did not disappoint. So good. Seriously.

You Don’t Live Here – Robyn Schneider

(US ARC) / GR

Robyn Schneider, author of The Beginning of Everything, delivers a witty and heartbreaking tale of first love, second beginnings, and last chances in this timely and authentic bisexual coming-of-age story, perfect for fans of Becky Albertalli and Adam Silvera.

This is one of my top anticipated reads. I’ve loved every single YA contemporary Robyn has published, each new one becoming my new favorite book of hers. Invisible Ghosts is freaking amazing, you should read it. So, when I found out that she had a new book coming out, I desperately wanted a chance to read it early. I somehow was able to trade for this copy and I’m seriously dying to read it, but I have a few other closer upcoming releases I need to read first. I seriously cannot wait.

The Court of Miracles (The Court of Miracles #1) – Kester Grant

(eARC NetGalley) / GR

In the violent urban jungle of an alternate 1828 Paris, the French Revolution has failed and the city is divided between merciless royalty and nine underworld criminal guilds, known as the Court of Miracles. Eponine (Nina) Thénardier is a talented cat burglar and member of the Thieves Guild. Nina’s life is midnight robberies, avoiding her father’s fists, and watching over her naïve adopted sister, Cosette (Ettie). When Ettie attracts the eye of the Tiger–the ruthless lord of the Guild of Flesh–Nina is caught in a desperate race to keep the younger girl safe. Her vow takes her from the city’s dark underbelly to the glittering court of Louis XVII. And it also forces Nina to make a terrible choice–protect Ettie and set off a brutal war between the guilds, or forever lose her sister to the Tiger.

I requested this on a whim and fully expected to be declined. So needless to say, the email telling me I was approved was pretty shocking. Like most of these books on this list, I cannot wait to read this. It sounds amazing. I haven’t heard that much about it, but it seems to be getting a pretty good response.

The Hollow Gods (The Chaos Cycle Duology #1) – A.J. Vrana

(eARC NetGalley) / GR

A maelstrom of ancient grudges, forgotten traumas, and deadly secrets loom in the foggy forests of Black Hollow. Can three unlikely heroes put aside their fears and unite to confront a centuries-old evil? Will they uncover the truth behind the fable, or will the cycle repeat?

While I’m excited for this, I’m not 100% I’m going to love it, or that it’s going to be the book for me. Last year I read Marrow Charm, published with The Parliament House Press and it was so good it put me in a slump. Since then, I’ve been super anticipating books coming from this publisher, because they all sound so damn amazing. This one hit NetGalley and I knew I needed to give it a shot. I went into Marrow Charm with no expectations and was blown away, so I’m hoping for a repeat.

Mageborn (The Hollow King #1) – Jessica Thorne

(eARC NetGalley) / ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 / Review / GR

A dark and addictive fantasy read for fans of Graceling and Sarah J. Maas. The life of an orphan soldier becomes entwined with that of the mysterious heir to the throne, whose very presence draws out the secret magic living inside her: a magic that breaks every law she is duty-bound to uphold…

I requested this due to a line saying, “for fans of Sarah J. Maas and Graceling” and the cover. I didn’t even care what the specifics in the synopsis were. Then I realized that it was set to come out 8 days from when I requested. Then I was approved, and I read it. Y’all should read this book. If you’re an Elise Kova fan, you’re going to love this. I’m already tired of waiting for book 2, I want it now.

Undone (Unknown #3) – Wendy Higgins

(US Paperback) / ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ / Review / GR

Amber Tate never dreamed their heart-wrenching escape from the enemy’s attack would lead them to the most beautiful place she’s ever seen, marred by one ugly fact; it’s under enemy control. Like everywhere else in the world, Elmendorf military base in Alaska has been captured, and it’s time to take it back—all of it—one base, one city at a time. After losing so much, Amber clings to the only precious person she has left, and vows to sacrifice everything to help save the Earth.

Remy Haines is a lover, not a fighter, so when she finds herself in enemy territory, expected to feign allegiance while gathering intel for the rebel cause, she’s never been more out of her element. Tensions only increase when her feelings for Jacob “Tater” Tate won’t go away, and the enemy’s leader takes an interest in her. She’s torn between what her heart wants, and what she knows she should do. As for what her body needs…well, it’s always had a mind of its own.

I’m annoyed I’m done this trilogy. I need more SF dystopian in my life. I thought this book was a good ending to the trilogy, but I could easily read like 2-3 more books in this world, with these characters. If you’re looking for a NA, SF dystopian, slow burn romance, some alien invasion, and creating your own family, then look no further. This trilogy is slept on and more people should be reading it.

All the Stars and Teeth (All the Stars and Teeth #1)– Adalyn Grace

(OwlCrate Exclusive Hardcover) / GR

Set in a kingdom where danger lurks beneath the sea, mermaids seek vengeance with song, and magic is a choice, Adalyn Grace’s All the Stars and Teeth is a thrilling fantasy for fans of Stephanie Garber’s Caraval and Sarah J. Maas’s Throne of Glass series.

I’m really hoping I have time this month to read this. It’s been on my radar for months and I’m dying to get to it. I have a few other books I have to read, plus the last couple on my TBR. So, if I can get my act together and blow through some books, I should be able to read it.

No Man Can Tame (The Dark-Elves of Nightbloom #1) – Miranda Honfleur

(Kindle eBook) / GR

Aless and Veron face opposition at every turn, with humans and dark-elves alike opposing the union violently, as well as their own feelings of dissonance toward each other. Can two people from cultures that despise one another fall in love? Can a marriage between them bond two opposing worlds together, or will it tear them apart for good?

I don’t really know much about this, though, I think it’s a Beauty and the Beast retelling? I’m a fan of Miranda and her writing, so when this was either a freebie, or on sale for like $.99 I knew I needed to grab it.

Soul in Darkness – Wendy Higgins

(Kindle eBook) / ⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 / Review / GR

Based on the Roman/Greek mythology of Cupid and Psyche by Lucius Apuleius, New York Times bestseller Wendy Higgins brings the tale to life, weaving layers that show exactly how a sacrificial lamb can be enchanted by an unseen monster.

Okay, so I’ve read this, but over Valentine’s Day weekend, Wendy put it up for free and so I snatched a copy for my Kindle. I enjoyed the book and I’m always a fan of Wendy, her writing and the stories she tells, so I wanted to support her.

Witch of the Lake Trilogy – Miranda Honfleur & Nicolette Andrews

(Kindle eBook Box Set) / GR

Find out what lurks beneath the lake in FEAST OF THE MOTHER, the first entry in a romantic dark fantasy series inspired by Slavic mythology and folklore, sure to please fans of Juliet Marillier’s Blackthorn & Grim series and Naomi Novik’s Uprooted.

Again, I know pretty much nothing about this series, but Elise Kova posted, and it was only like, $.99 for all three, or something like that. I’d seen her talk about the books before, and I trust her opinion. So, when I saw the books for that price, I knew I’d have to be stupid to not spend the money.

The Will of Yggdrasil Series – Sara C. Roethle

(eARC & Kindle eBooks) / Fated, Fallen, Fury / GR

Previously the Bitter Ashes Series.

Fated Synopsis:

Madeline knew her life was strange, and not just because she could sense the emotions of others. Having people die by your hand on two separate occasions can make a girl question her very existence. Still, she never thought she’d wake up in a world straight out of Norse myth. A world where corpses reanimate all on their own . . . and she’s supposed to be their executioner.

A normal person would run screaming into the night, but there’s something about dark and alluring Alaric that’s giving Madeline pause, and it’s not the fact that he turns a little feline from time to time. Together they must search for an elusive magical charm, a remnant of the gods themselves. Madeline’s life depends on finding it first . . . and so does the entire fate of humanity.

Elise Kova posted in her Facebook group about the first book in this series – Fated and asked if anyone would be willing to read it and review it. There was a link to a free download, so I clicked. I didn’t realize that this series was a republished version of one of Sara’s earlier series, so I was a bit confused at first…then I blew through the first two books in like 8 hours? I’ve also already bought and downloaded book 3. Each time I finish a book in this series, I right away buy book 2. These are really easy to read and just enjoy and get lost in. I won’t go into too much detail since my review will be up soon, but so good.

The Queen’s Wing (The Queen’s Wing #1) – Jessica Thorne

(Kindle eBook) / GR

For any other young woman the chance to become royalty would be a dream come true, but for Bel, the rigidity of court life is like a prison sentence. And while Conleith is an unexpectedly intriguing – and attractive – puzzle… could she ever love him when it would mean turning her back on her feelings for Shae, her first love and last connection to home?

Then a brutal assassination attempt nearly takes her life, and Bel learns that there’s more on the line than just her happiness. Is it the same faceless enemy who attacked her homeland and, with dangers around every corner, who in the palace can she trust?

I think I saw an ad on Twitter that this book was on sale for $.99 and since I was a huge fan of Mageborn I figured I’d give this one a go! It sounds good and I’m now a Jessica Thorne fan. If worse comes to worst, I’m out $.99 but I doubt that’ll be the case.

Greythorne (Bloodleaf #2) – Crystal Smith

(US Coverless ARC) / ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ / Review / GR

Princess Aurelia’s life is turned upside down when the kingdom she thought she saved turns to ruin, a loved one is tragically killed in a shipwreck, and her home country refuses to respect her brother’s legitimate claim to the throne. With no place left to call her own, Aurelia returns to Greythorne Manor—her best friend’s family mansion—only to get swept up in a coup d’état on the night of her brother’s coronation.

With everyone turned against her and enemies closing in on all sides, Aurelia has nothing left to lose in a mad fight to protect the only people she has left—her family. But in her darkest moments when all seems grim, will Aurelia find a spark of hope from a love she thought long lost?

This book. It’s been weeks and I’m still not over it. I loved it so much. I was a fan of Bloodleaf, but it wasn’t an automatic favorite. Greythorne is an automatic favorite and you all are not ready for what Crystal pulls off – and pulls off spectacularly – in this book. It’s so amazingly good and ugh, the wait for book 3 might very well kill me. I’m really not over the ending of the book. At all.

Yikes, this is a long post, sorry about that! Hopefully next months won’t be as long…as I typed that, I realized that, that won’t be the case. I have two book events next month, plus at least 3 preorders, and a book box? March’s Haul post might very well rival this one.

Anyways!

What was your favorite book you hauled this month?

I’m kind of torn between Greythorne, You Don’t Live Here and Chain of Gold.

Feb’20 Book Haul So. Many. Books. omfg. #newpost #blogpost #bookpost #bookblog #books #blog #blogger #bloggerswanted #bloggerstribe #bloggingcommunity #bookish #bookhaul Thank God that the majority of the books I hauled in February are eBooks, because I…

#Book Blog #Book Haul #Book Post #book reviews #Bookish #books #New Post #Reading

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