#HOWEVER i do think mob should meet envy

[waitineedaname]

if you had to crossover two of your fandoms in a character meets character situation, which combo would be the best (most interesting) and which would be the worst (most boring/does nothing to you)?

also good luck with the flights, dont forget to rotate your ankles during it to keep the blood flowing and cramps away

I think a lot of combos with mp100 and fma would be so good. mob and al would be best friends, I know this <3 very powerful boys with very gentle hearts. they should go to a cat cafe together. tome and mei would cause so much trouble together, I think they should be friends too. I think reigen would take one look at the whole child soldier situation going on with the elrics and decide he needs to Take Action

the least interesting options would actually be getting my faves to meet lol I like to joke that dimple and greed are the same guy, but tbh I don't think a potential meeting between them would be very interesting. I think they would distrust each other implicitly lol and I don't think ling and ritsu would be very interesting together either. ling would find ritsu boring, and ritsu would find ling annoying

[bookstantrash]

A/N: Huge shoutout to the lovely @perseusannabeth​ who obsess over Pride & Prejudice as much as me. After very politely threatening asking  me to write more of Nessian as P&P (I’m so glad Sarah made it canon that Nessian’s relationship is Darcy and Lizzie’s) she told me about THE lake scene in the BBC version. I watched all six episodes and fell in love, so I highly suggest you all watch it too.

Also, huge shoutout to @firebirdofscythia​ (I stole your Azriel line lmao) and the rest of the gc for being so supportive!! Enjoy

Pemberley’s Lake

Cassian was so tired it was a wonder he had not fallen from his horse, which made him realise that Azriel may have been partially right in telling him to take a break and go back to his state to rest.

Although he suspected that Azriel kicking him out of his office and practically throwing him in a carriage to Pemberley had more to do with the fact that Azriel had gotten sick of his mopey mood more than anything else.

“I shall never show my face in society again” Cassian had told a bored looking Azriel one afternoon, laying on his office’s floor as if it was the end of the world “I shall work until my eyes grow tired and my beard and hair are so long they reach the ground.”

“Stop with the theatrics brother. It is not becoming of you.” Azriel had answered as he shuffled a deck of cards.

“Theatrics!! Azriel for Cauldron’ sake I have no idea how I can keep on living after that refusal” he sighed from his place on the carpeted floor “There is not another woman alive who could hold my heart. It's lost forever. And now I shall live in regret and shame of not being enough for her.”

Azriel rolled his eyes so hard at his brother’s words it was a wonder they did not stay permanently like that.

“I shall grow old and drown my sorrows in the finest beers and wines, turning fat and bald. And after I have passed, my cursed ghost shall roam our country crying in despair over my terrible life”

That had been enough to make Azriel pack Cassian’s belongings and get his brother the fastest horse available.

“If it were not for the laws of this land” Azriel had mumbled after he had bid his brother farewell, wishing a good trip and forbidding him to appear in his office again until he had fixed that mood of his.

Breathing in the clear and fresh air of his home, Cassian was able to momentarily forget his troubled heart. But one look at the blue sky and he was reminded of the gray-blue eyes belonging to the lady who had made him, General Commander of the British Army, who had enough condecorations to fill his whole coat and who had made enemies tremble in fear when faced against him, wallow in self pity and misery.

Lady Nesta Archeron.

Her name alone was enough to make his chest tighten in longing.

Feyre’s oldest and most notorious sister, if not by her breathtaking beauty and intellect but by her ruthless and dismissive regard to the oposite sex. Whereas Feyre had surprised society by marrying before her older sisters  — and securing herself the best of matches of the season at that with his brother Rhysand, which was nothing but a Duke  — and Elain had enough suitors to fill a ballroom, the oldest Archeron did not seem inclined to marry at all. Oh she did catch the eyes of more than one gentleman  —  Cassian could vaguely reckon that she had had a long courting with Sir Thomas Mandray, although it had ended rather abruptly — but no one had been able to snare her heart.

That had been what had initially peaked his interest. He had briefly seen her at Rhysand’s wedding, attempting some small talk that was easily and diplomatically dismissed by her. He had then relentlessly engaged in conversation with her in any opportunity he could find, being it from the few occasions in which she frequented Feyre’ small reunions over tea or when he coincidentally met her during her daily walks around town to visit Lady Emerie, a modice whose popularity was raising tremendously after Feyre’s bridal trousseau and wedding dress were all designed by her.

It was not until Feyre’s first official gathering as Duchess that Cassian realised the depths of his feelings for the sharp eyed lady.

He had been watching the ballroom from the sidelines, trying to escape the mob of scary mamas who wanted to throw their daughters at him, a glass of champagne in his hand.

Rhysand and Feyre had already danced the opening song, so the floor was now free to hold more partners. Both Cassian and Azriel had danced once with Morrigan — Rhysand’s cousin and a dear friend of theirs — and Elain had enough names on her card that they’d have to wait a fortnight to dance with her. Nesta on the other hand…. she had refused all invitations, although one could not help but wonder why by the way she seemed to glow whenever a new song was played.

“Lady Archeron” Cassian had greeted, bowing deeply and throwing at her his best smile, one that usually had young ladies fainting and old ones blushing.

But not Nesta Archeron. No, she had only deigned to make a polite bow and look ahead.

“I could not help but take notice of how entranced by the music you appear to be, my Lady” he had offered her his hand “Would you do me the honour of allowing one dance?”

That had caught Nesta’s attention, and she turned towards him, her gray-blue eyes finally meeting his hazel ones.

“I do not think why I should. I am perfectly satisfied to watch from the sidelines” she raised a perfect manicured eyebrow, glancing in the corner where the mamas and their daughters were “I am sure many other young ladies would rather have my place”

Cassian knew she was lying. Knew she desperately wanted to dance, but something was holding her back.

“It is said that dancing is the best way to encourage affection. Even if one’s partner is barely tolerable” he had nonchalantly said

“I beg your pardon” Nesta had exclaimed

“The lady has nothing to fear. I will not let you suffer ridicule because of your poor dancing” he had said in a patronizing tone, if only to see that fire in her eyes ignite.

And to see her accepting his offer with a murderous intent.

They had moved to the center of the ballroom, shocked faces all around them, both from the fact that Nesta was joining the dance floor and her partner being him of all gentlemen.

Cassian had never been proved more wrong once the first string from the violin was drawn and Nesta moved. He had been sure she knew how to dance, had only said those words to get a rise from her. But to see Nesta Archeron actually dancing… it was something straight out of a dream.

Cassian knew the waltz. His mother had insisted that all three sons have the same education, even though only Rhysand was set to inherit the duchy.

However, when paired with Nesta Archeron one could not be called nothing but a simple object to display her talents. Even the most notorious dancer would pale in comparison to her.

And Cauldron, she knew that. Nesta knew she was Terpsikhore, greek Muse of music, song and dance.

What a fool he had been, what a complete and utter fool he had made of himself. His only consolation was that some good had come out of his childish behaviour.

Nesta Archeron was dancing, and when she danced she threatened to bring empires to their knees, for her beauty got inhumanly enhanced, her delighted smile sending an arrow straight to his chest.

Cassian realised he had fallen hopelessly in love with Nesta Archeron. If he was to be true with himself, he had been for quite some time, since their first exchange of words when she had all but dismissed him as a pesky bug.

And as the last note was drawn, as the whole ballroom breathlessly took in Nesta, in complete awe of her, Cassian decided he was going to marry her.

Was going to propose to Nesta Archeron right at that moment.

Using the excuse of getting some fresh air after the tiring dance, he walked them to Rhysand’s extensive and well lit garden, quiet enough that they would not be interrupted but not so isolated as to risk her reputation.

They had walked only a few minutes in the garden when Cassian declared his feelings. He all but tripped with his words, hoping Nesta could see past his fool’s act.

She had not.

She had refused his hand in the most brutal way, her words so articulately poisoned that Cassian felt himself a young boy again, desperately trying to achieve perfection so his father would dare to spare him more than a passing glance. Would not regret having adopted him into his household and given him a home.

He had uttered an apology, saying how sorry he was that his feelings had caused her such pain and disgust, reigning his temper enough to walk her back to the ballroom.

Cassian left town the same night, and had stayed in his office and headquarters training the new milicia since then, burying himself with work until Azriel grew tired of his awful mood.

Sighing, Cassian brushed his horse’s neck, eyeing the lake.

Maybe a dive in the cold waters of Pemperley would help clear his mind.

~•~

Pemberley was, in Nesta’s opinion, the most beautiful state she had ever seen. Even more than her newly married sister’s dukedom.

“However this house’s lady is, she sure is happy” Emerie commented as the head maid showed them to the music room.

“As if someone could be unhappy with this much money” Gwyn whispered back, eyeing the grand piano.

Nesta was inclined to agree, even more after having seen the library. She could not help but envy the lady. Her husband must be a very cultured gentleman.

“May I show you the external grounds? I am sure the gentleman will find it quite delightful” the head maid said, looking at Balthazar, the only men among their group of four.

“I am most grateful for your hospitality” he answered, and they promptly moved outdoors.

Their party of four had been travelling through the countryside for almost two weeks. It was as much as a vacation for Emerie and Balthazar — with Emerie’s shop the season’s current sensation and Balthazar being her current business partner  — as a time out from the ton, which Gwyn — the most required opera singer of the season — had announced to be in desperately need of a vacation from.

As for Nesta, she had always wanted to travel, but as a single woman of marriageable age without a male relative to escort her, it would have been a nearly impossible feat to accomplish.

When Balthazar had offered to escort both her and her friends Nesta had wanted to shout in delight.

Secretly, she also wished to avoid a certain gentleman, one whose heart she had mercilessly and regretfully broken.

Nesta shook her head as she walked through the garden, distancing herself from her party to think and remember.

Remember how she had enjoyed dancing with Lord Cassian.

How her body had sung and heated where his skin touched hers.

How she had found herself smiling and agreeing to take a stroll with him, using the excuse of feeling overwhelmed in the crowded ballroom.

How his smile had faded once she tore at him, throwing every hateful word his way to refuse his proposal.

Nesta had not seen Cassian since her sister’s ball, but she did not want to risk an encounter.

That trip could not have been more well timed.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she did not notice her hair getting caught in a low tree branch, ruining her intricate updo.

“No one is around” she muttered to herself as she took off the pins holding it in place “A few minutes with my hair down will not hurt”

So Nesta took each pin off, massaging her scalp as she walked in the direction of the state’s lake, the sun shining over its  clear waters.

And that is when she spotted him.

Cassian.

Cassian was at the lake.

Cassian was shirtless, dripping wet by the lake’ shore.

Nesta knew she should turn around and forget what she was currently seeing.

But she could not take her eyes off of him.

Seeing a shirtless man in person was indeed a far cry from what her imagination conjured when reading romance novels.

Especially the way the water was running down Cassian’s tanned and hard torso, all the way down his pecs and stomach — was that a six pack or were her eyes playing tricks on her? — until it collided with his pants, which were hanging so low on his hips that Nesta could not help but feel a weird sensation low in her stomach.

Her legs stopped obeying her, and she swore her knees got weak when Cassian noticed he had company.

“Lady Archeron?” he exclaimed, as if he could not believe his eyes.

“Sir!” was all she could say, feeling her cheeks warming.

Cauldron what was wrong with her? It was just a body. A very nice, very wet muscled body and—

“What may you be doing here?” Nesta quickly inquired, cutting her errand thoughts.

“I am the owner” he simply answered

“Of the lake?”

She wanted to smack herself. How could have she blurted such a stupid and rude question?

“Yes, of the lake. And of Pemberley” he answered, amusement lacing his words.

“I didn’t know. The head maid said all the family was not home— we should not have presumed—”

“I returned without prior notice”

“Excuse me, are you and your sisters in good health?” Cassian added, and Nesta dared to think that he sounded a bit nervous.

“Yes. Yes they are. Thank you, sir” she managed to answer, her eyes firmly placed upon his face and not anywhere else.

“I am glad to hear that” he licked his lips and Nesta could not help but wonder if they would be cold due to the lake’s water or if Cassian’s unbothered face meant he was not cold at all.

Was she really inquiring of how his lips would feel against hers? Against her skin? If kissing Cassian would feel as dreamily as her novel's kiss appeared to be?

Nesta hated him.

Did she not?

“I had never seen you with your hair down”

Cassian’s words took her out of her reverie, and Nesta suddenly felt self conscious.

“Do excuse me for showing myself in front of you with such an unsightly appearance” she felt mortified. To have Cassian of all people seeing her like that, hair in complete disarray….

Nesta quickly turned around, fumbling with the hair pins in a vain and desperately attempt of redoing her hair.

“It’s beautiful” she heard Cassian saying in a breathless voice, and thanked the Cauldron her back was turned so he would not see how her face warmed considerably, a small smile gracing her lips.

“Let me help you” he quietly added, and she gasped at the proximity of wet, shirtless Cassian, who touched her hair softly.

“How come a gentleman such as you knows how to hairstyle a lady’s hair?” Nesta asked, feeling his warmth on her back, a tingly sensation between her legs when his fingers brushed her neck.

“I frequently helped my younger sister, Georgiana, fix her own hair in the occasions she played a little too far from what would be deemed proper for a young lady” she felt his hot breath against her neck as Cassian laughed “She favours outdoors activities such as horseback riding, although she’s quite accomplished in arts and music.”

“Your sister sounds lovely” Nesta said, turning to face him once she felt he was done fixing her hair.

“She is my brothers’ and mine whole world. There’s nothing we would not do for Georgiana”

Nesta felt her heart warming at his words, at his devotion and love towards his family. She wondered if he would do the same with his wife.

If he would have acted the same way towards her had she accepted his proposal.

Unbeknown to her, Cassian was imagining the same thing.

He was picturing how he could have helped her every morning with her hair if she had agreed to marry him. Instead, he would have to live with this one memory forever.

He was lost in her eyes, their bodies so close they were sharing breaths and Cassian was holding back by a sliver thread of self control to not hold her against him.

If it were not for the appearance of three people — Cassian supposed them to be Nesta’s companions — he very well could have done that.

“Excuse me” Cassian abruptly said, bowing deeply and leaving Nesta alone.

Although soon her friends joined her, Gywn and Emerie bombarding her with questions seeing her ruffled state.

Their party was getting ready to depart when Cassian appeared again, having ran inside to get changed and appropriate.

“Lady Nesta!” he called before she could get inside the carriage “Please allow me to apologise for not receiving you properly just now. You are not leaving?”

“We were, sir. We have already imposed too much” she said, spine straight and looking every bit the regal queen she was.

What he did not know was that was her way of maintaining a cool exterior and not blush remembering his naked figure.

“You are not displeased with Pemberley, are you?” Cassian asked, anxiously brushing his hair back.

“No. Not at all”

“And you approve of it?”

“Very much” Nesta said softly, a dreamy smile on her face as she remembered the library “A few would not approve”

“But your good opinion is rarely bestowed and therefore more worth earning” he said, and his smile was enough to make Nesta’s heart skip a beat.

Why was she feeling in such a way, she wondered. Why did her body feel hot and strange all over whenever Cassian was involved?

“Thank you. That is very kind of you”

“I shall not hold you back any longer” he said, helping her in the carriage, his calloused hand a stark contrast against her soft one “I will call on you and I hope you can introduce me to your companions. Perhaps we may go fishing tomorrow? My property is blessed with an abundance of them”

“We would be delighted to. Thank you, sir’

After the farewells were bid and Nesta’s carriage was only a distant dot in the horizon, Cassian got inside, smiling broadly at his head maid and butler.

“You are very chipper, sir'' the old woman said with a knowing smile, the butler agreeing with her. Their lord had been mopey for quite some time now, so it brought joy to their hearts to see his mood so high.

“I had a very good evening Mrs.Pots” he declared, thinking about how he should swim more frequently in the lake.

A few miles from Pemberley, Nesta stared at the scenery lost in thought, Cassian’s touch lingering in her hand all the way back to the inn.

•

Fixed Tag List: @sayosdreams​ @thewayshedreamed​ @sjm-things​ @perseusannabeth​ @arinbelle​ @caotica-e-quieta​ @vidalinav​ @swankii-art-teacher​ @ireallyshouldsleeprn​ @duskandstarlight​ @greerlunna​ @thegoddessaltenia​ @dayanna-hatter​ @verypaleninja​ @awesomelena555​ @courtofjurdan​ @valkyriewarriors​ @moe8​ @illyrianwitchling13​ @silvernesta​ @bri-loves-sunflowers​ @queenestarcheron​ @imwritingthesewords​ @vasudharaghavan​ @rainbowcheetah512​ @darkshadowqueensrule​ @letstakethedawn​ @starlightorstarfire​ @city-of-fae​ @thalia-2-rose​ @nestaarcher0n​ @rowaelinismyotp​ @julemmaes @dontgetsalmonella

{Please let me know if you’d like to be added to my Fixed Tag list}

[hetalialoverwrites]

Ways to be Wicked

Part 3

First  -  Previous  -  Next

        You were snapped back to reality from your dazed state by reporters surrounding you. They chattered loudly and continuously as they snapped photos of you and recorded you. You blinked in surprise, having forgotten that you had been cornered at Beast's statue in front of the school. "Only three days to the Royal Cotillion! Ever think a girl like you would be Lady of the Court?" One of the women asked, making you blink at the underlying jab. "How does it feel to be the most envied girl in Auradon?" A man asked. Your stomach was sinking slowly but surely as they continued, "Well, do you like being (h/c)?" A woman asked, the immediate answer of NO having to be held back. "Is your mother still a villain?" Another woman asked before Ben came over to save you.

        Ben cleared his throat and came over, "Okay, alright. Excuse me. The answer is no, Queen Maleficent is not a villain." Ben answered for you, wrapping an arm around your waist and smiling slightly as he felt your wing hover around his back. "Did you ever think you would be with a villain kid?" The woman from earlier asked. Ben chuckled, his grip on your waist tightening slightly as he leaned forward to speak into her mic, "We're done here." He told her before turning to you and holding you close to his chest. Fairy Godmother came over to shoo the reporters away and Ben whispered in your ear, "How are you feeling?" You leaned up and whispered back, "I'm fine, but I wish they would stop already." You told him truthfully. "How could they stop reporting on your beauty? Everyone should know about it." Ben whispered with a smile and you chuckled and looked at him playfully. Noticing they went away, Ben called, "Thank you, guys." You two looked over at Fairy Godmother. "(Y/n), Ben." She greeted, waiting for only a second as you both responded before leaving. 

        Ben turned his attention back to you and you sighed in relief. Ben chuckled, "Don't pay any attention to them." You felt a pang in your chest, and you gave him a small smile, "Well that's a lot easier said than done." You told him. "I know, I know..." Ben easily agreed. "You know, maybe we should do something. We should go somewhere. Getaway." Ben suggested and you lit up at the idea of just getting away from everything for a while. "Yeah!" You agreed. "We could-... I have a council meeting. I'm so late." Ben winced as he checked the time. "That's okay! It's okay." You assured him gently. "We'll uh, we'll do it sometime--" Ben was cut off as Evie came over and grabbed your arm, effectively pulling you away as Ben went to kiss your cheek. "If we don't do a fitting for your gown right this minute, you'll be dancing in your bathrobe, okay?" Evie told you before glancing at Ben. "Hi." She greeted before pulling you off, "Let's go. Let's go." You waved goodbye to Ben and met Mal, who had been waiting for you in the dorm.

        She immediately got down from her hammock, "Where were you? I searched everywhere!" She walked over, looking at you as Evie made you change into your gown. Mal locked the door with some magic as you stood on the raised platform and let Evie work on the dress. "I was getting mobbed by reporters outside." You replied dully, making Mal frown. You gasped for air as you felt Evie zip up the dress, "E, I can't breathe!" You choked and shifted uncomfortably as the fabric brushed against the joint of your wings. "And the fabric is up too high!" You complained. "You can breathe after Cotillion. And I'll take out some more fabric around the back. Show me your wings so I can see where to cut some out." Evie ordered. You released the spell on your wings and felt Evie marking some fabric to take off. "Okay, now put them away, I need to be able to see the dress," Evie said absentmindedly as she sketched some more. You felt hurt at her words and silently cast a spell on them once again. "E, they are attached to our bodies, we can't just put them away," Mal argued. "That's not what I meant Mal. Don't get so upset, I just meant that I needed to be able to see the dress." Evie responded easily. You frowned and glanced at Mal, sharing a sad look. "Evie...?" You called as she measured your hips. "Hm?"

        "Do you ever wonder what we would be doing if we were back on the Isle right now?" You asked, making Mal look up at you in surprise. She was thinking about the same thing... "That's funny." Evie blew off the question before the news cut on loudly. "Ah! Look who’s on TV!" Evie teased with a big smile. You looked over at the TV for a moment, seeing yourself on the screen hardly eating your food. Evie helped you down from the platform and you went over to the sitting area as she watched the news. "As the royal couple continues their tour of the kingdom, they dined with Aladdin and Jasmine. Six months ago, no one thought King Ben and his girlfriend from the wrong side of the bridge would last!" The woman reported, making your heart clench in pain. "No kidding..." You mumbled and fiddled with the class ring on your finger. It was Ben's that he got remade. "(Y/n) must be counting the days until the Royal Cotillion." The reporter said in a fond tone as you started to feel sick. "When she will officially become a Lady of the Court!" The woman finished, making your stomach drop as you remembered some reading you had to finish. Mal caught your expression and tossed the correct book at you. Flicking your hand at the cover, you started to speed read through the entire book. 

        Evie put down her clipboard and walked over to you with her hands on her hips. "I know Mal's and (Y/n)'s secret to fit in and Ben wouldn't like it." Evie said, looking at the two of you with disappointment as Mal was reading a different book with magic. "Haven't you guys had enough secrets between the two of you already?" Evie asked you. You paused in your reading, halfway through the book before looking at Evie. "Evie, you remember what I was like before I was using my magic to help me. It was a disaster and that was before I got the amount of work I have now." You told her, slightly frustrated. "Well personally, as your best friend and honorary sister, I believe that your magic needs to be put away just like my mirror is in the museum," Evie said, leaning over to look at you. You gave Evie a sharp glare along with Mal at the mention of no longer using your magic. "You didn't have to put your family's mirror in the museum in the first place. You could have left it with your mother or kept it. That was your choice." You told her with a warning clear in your voice.

        "And our magic is a part of us, we will not stop using it all together just because some people don't like it." Mal glared her own warning at Evie. "You know I'm right. Ben wouldn't like this." Evie said, sticking to her guns. Hearing Mal growl in frustration, you jumped in, "I am using my magic. End of discussion." You told her firmly before going back to your book and finishing it. "You don't ever miss running wild and breaking all the rules?" Mal asked, finishing hers before you. "Like stealing ad lying and fighting?" Evie asked. "Yeah!" You jumped in. "No! Why would I? Mal, (Y/n)." Evie took your hands and pulled you and Mal over to the TV. "We're in Auradon now. A land of opportunities! We can do whatever we want here. Be whatever we want! So... Please, let's just keep the past in the past." Evie looked at you two pleadingly. You hid the pain in your eyes as her words dug into yours and Mal's chests. You didn't even get to be yourself here and since Mal is helping you through this, she isn't either. "Besides, look at the shoes!" Evie fawned over the ugliest pair of shoes you had ever seen in your life. They matched the horrible golden yellow and blue dress you were in perfectly. "Yeah. Severe." Mal replied dully before taking your hand, the both of you comforting each other. 

        Later that day, you, Jay, Carlos, Mal, and Evie were walking to class. Mal had her hand on your arm as she led your dazed form along behind the others, making sure you weren't going to bump into anything. "(Y/n)." You heard a soft voice call you and you snapped to attention and looked at Jane with a small smile. Carlos stepped in front of her, however. "Hey, Jane." "Hi." "I was wondering... Uh... If you like the carrot cake last night." Carlos asked. "I had the pumpkin pie." Jane laughed slightly, still smiling at Carlos. Carlos stuttered a little before Jay said something and pulled him away as Lonnie arrived. "I have an opening for a fitting at 3, who wants it?" Evie asked. "ME!" Lonnie yelled before giving Jane an apologetic look. "Great. I'll get you later." Evie told Jane before stepping to the side with Lonnie to discuss. "Okay, (Y/n)!" Jane stepped forward quickly and you smiled at her, "Yes?" You asked. "I hate to keep bugging you, but the decorating committee needs more answers. So as much as I hate to... Um..." Jane trailed off. "Bug me? Yeah, it's alright Jane, I just have to get to class with Mal." You said, trying to step around her before Jane stepped in once again. Mal gave her a warning look that Jane semi-ignored. "Just nod if you like it!" Jane chirped before listing off a ton of things, "Chair swags. Entry banner. Twinkle lights. Napkin design. Table bunting. And you still haven't picked the party favors yet." Jane read off quickly, swiping through images on her tablet.

        "Jane, I think you guys are doing a wonderful job, whatever you think is be--" "I mean, we can do chains, key chains, pen toppers-- Personally, I love the pen toppers-" Jane was cut off as your eyes suddenly glowed amber and you stiffened. Closing your eyes tightly, you took in a deep breath and reeled in your chaotic magic. It was reacting as if you were in danger or something was harming you. "...I think chains and pen toppers!" You chirped at her, forcing a wide grin onto your face to calm her nerves. Mal looked at you worriedly before Evie and Lonnie came over, huge grins on their faces. "I can hardly wait to see what your wedding will look like!" Lonnie exclaimed. You tensed, feeling as if a bucket of ice water had been dumped on you. "Wait, what?" You asked, eyes wide with shock. "The Royal Cotillion is like getting engaged to be engaged to be engaged," Jane told you like it was obvious. "I knew it!" Evie squealed. Lonnie laughed and rolled her eyes, "Everyone knows it!" "I didn't know it!" You exclaimed, looking at your sister frantically only to see she was just as shocked as you were. Starting to panic, you quivered and held your books tighter.

        "WassomeonegoingtotellmethatIhadtospeedupliterallyallmyplansontopofalltheworkIhavetodonow, doyouknowhowlongittakestoplanawedding, howamIsupposedtogeteverything--" "Hey (Y/n)." Ben's voice stopped your frantic speech and you spun around to find he was right in front of you, a warm smile on his face. You gasped as the three girls greeted him, "Hi Ben." You mentally glared at them for their teasing tone. "Oh, uh, quick moment." Jane took ahold of Ben's sleeve, pulling him away from you as he went to kiss you. Holding onto Mal with a death grip, you stuttered out, "B-Bye Ben." "Oh, uh, bye." He replied before Mal took you away into the forest by the school. You both flew up into the trees and sat down on the branches. "(Y/n)..." Mal reached out and held your hand. "It's okay. We can just start planning sooner than we thought. It will be fine." She soothed. "Everything is going too fast, Mal. I thought I wouldn't have to worry about this for a long time, how am I supposed to plan our wedding on top of everything I have to do to be a Lady of the Court?" You asked, tearing up. "We can ask Aurora and Mom to help out with the planning. I'm sure the other women can help too. You don't have to do everything by yourself. You know I will always be here for you. Aurora, Mom, and our people will always be here for you." She told you, smiling a little. You managed a small smile back to her, "Thanks Mal..." 

[exodustories]

Mafia!boss Kyungsoo Pt. 4

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

~~~~~~

Kyungsoo gripped his revolver as he let out a deep sigh. His head slightly turned towards his men and he clenched his jaw. “Keep your guard up. The Seo’s are reckless. Don’t let your guard down for even a second, or so help me God..“ A breath slowly quivered out of him before he raised his hand. He couldn’t lose any of his men on this trip. If a wound even appeared on one of his men, well there’s no telling as to what he’d do. The Seo’s were a newer Mob and they were unbelievably reckless. It was clear that none of them knew what they were doing. Quite frankly becoming allies with them was the last thing Kyungsoo wanted to do, but he had no other choice.

Kyungsoo turned towards the entrance of the building and motioned his hand for his men to move out. His swift steps brought him through the jagged entrance. He peered inside and was met with a hallway that had blood stains and all kind of markings on it. He matched his breathing to the sound of his men’s footsteps behind him. As he immersed further into the building his heart beat sped up. The hallways were dark and smelled fowl. Once his feet landed in front of a door, he heard slight shuffling on the other side. He knew this had seemed way too easy. Of course, the Seo’s were planning something on their end. Kyungsoo quickly made eye contact with all of his men and nodded. All of them waited in silence wondering what would occur.

After a few passing minutes, the hallway flooded with rampant footsteps. The hallway overflowed with so much heat from all the bodies pouring in. Kyungsoo’s heart beat sped up so rapidly that his ears begin ringing. He snapped his fingers twice sending out a signal to his men. He briskly turned around and a smirk appeared on his face. His eyes went dark and watched as his men dispersed and the blazing of bullets began. He clenched his jaw and looked up at the ceiling to see a camera facing his direction. Rage spewed out and filled his body with anger and heat. It was a set-up and he couldn’t be any more pissed about it.

With heavy steps Kyungsoo treaded through the madness of it all. He hissed as he felt the sting a of a bullet blazing past his ear. He felt the coolness of his blood dribble down his ear. He quickly wiped the blood from his ear and cursed under his breath. He promptly spun on his heels and snatched the revolver out of its strap and pulled the trigger. He watched as the man’s body slumped to the floor and continued running through the maze of bodies. He knew what was happening and he wanted to rip that person to shreds. There was no way in hell that person could think they were that sly and could get away with what was being done.

He felt his body collide with another and with all his might he swiftly put the other person in a head lock. “If you don’t tell me where she is, I’ll tear you apart.” He looked down to meet the other person’s eyes. Their light eyes were wide and filled with fear. He watched as their body began trembling and he tightened his grip. “TELL ME NOW!” He bellowed while placing the revolver against the man’s head. “She’s in the penthouse!” Kyungsoo loosened his grip and chucked the man against the wall with all his might. The rage inside of him was exploding within him and he couldn’t keep his anger at bay anymore.

The adrenaline swimming through his body had him sprinting and flying up the millions of stair cases. He had finally reached the front door of the penthouse. He took in a few unsteady breaths and closed his eyes for a few seconds. As soon as his eyes flew open he kicked the wooden door down. He stormed through the room and lifted his gun. The scent of cigarettes and sweet perfume filled the air. A conniving laugh rang through his ears and his eyes danced around the room before landing on her.

“SEO BITNA!” His screams rumbled through out his entire body as he strode closer to her. Her laughter lingered, and his breathing grew heavy. He raised his revolver towards her forehead and his hands shook violently. “Why should I let you live?” His hands gripped his gun and she gently stood up. She proceeded towards Kyungsoo and a smirk danced on her lips. Her left hand smacked the gun out of his hands and she turned it towards him. She laughed as she aimed his own gun towards him. His eyes shifted from her to the barrel of the gun that faced him.

“Because, if you kill me.. the Gong’s will kill you and your men… partner.” Kyungsoo shook his head and looked her dead in the eyes. “Sure, kill me. But, your tactics will get you killed eventually.” A laugh escaped her lips again and she shrugged. “I don’t want to be at the top, might as well have some fun.” Kyungsoo shook his head again and lowered his voice this time while speaking to her. “Are you that reckless? You don’t care if so many other lives are at stake? Don’t you realize that your fun could take so many lives?!” She tilted her head to the side, amused with his gentle words. She rested the revolver against his temple and softly stroked his cheek with her right hand.

“Ah so it is true. Do Kyungsoo does have a soft spot.” Kyungsoo snatched her hand away and locked his eyes with her. “You have nothing to offer me, Bitna.” Her finger hovered over the trigger and a snicker erupted out of her. Bitna inched her face towards Kyungsoo’s face and smiled at him. “That’s where you’re wrong my dear Soo,” she cooed. His eyes watched as she taunted him with her words. Her hand gently caressed his cheek again and she pouted her lips. “We wouldn’t want anything to happen to your Rose.”

Kyungsoo’s body tensed at the mention of her name and Bitna chuckled at his actions and curled her lip. “Ah so it is true.” Kyungsoo’s breathing grew heavy as she moved the gun from his temple to his forehead. “I may be reckless, love. But, I can offer you more protection for her.” She stated with a sweet smile on her lips. He watched as her dimples appeared through her false smile. “Leave her out of this!” Kyungsoo howled and she tapped his temple gently with the barrel. She pulled away from him and sighed. “You’re the idiot that brought her into all of this. Tell me Kyungsoo, do you think people like us get a happy ending?” She paused and watched as a man ran through the door with his body and clothes stained in blood. Kyungsoo’s head darted towards the man and their eyes met. Bitna cleared her throat and Kyungsoo’s eyes met with hers again.

“Tell your men to finish off the Gong’s. They’ve been on my trails for weeks. Finishing them will be a symbol of our partnership. I’ll follow your lead however you like, and in return I’ll provide more protection for your flower.” Kyungsoo sighed at how conniving she was. She was too damn good and practically played Kyungsoo in his own game. Usually he was on the other end coming up with plans like these. He nodded and looked back at the man. “Fleck, have them finish off the Gong’s.” The man nodded promptly and disappeared back into the madness.

Bitna let out a laugh and placed the gun back in Kyungsoo’s hands. “I envy you. You have something worth living for. You have someone you want to protect with all your heart and soul.” Kyungsoo placed his gun back in his strap and eyed her. “Since you’re following my lead you can’t be reckless anymore. You talk about how I have someone I want to protect? Start by protecting your men. Their job is to protect you, so do them the favor of keeping them alive. Quit putting so many lives at stake. If you have any problems, contact me.” Kyungsoo watched as her petite body sat at the end of the bed and her guard dropped. His eyes remained on her as he watched her eyes glaze over.

As the room filled with silence, he observed the dark circles under her eyes. Her shoulders were so tense that it seemed the weight of the world sat upon her delicate shoulders. This was the real Bitna that was masked by her façade of not seeming to care. The sight in front of him was a familiar image he knew too well and sympathized with. His heart ached as he understood why she looked this way. Second generation mafia leaders either loved what they did or hated the person that they’ve become. It was clear she hated who she had become, she was lost in life and had lost herself because of this. It was as if he were looking in a mirror and taking a look at himself. God, did he look this sorry and sad? If he didn’t look this sad, the only reason was because of Rose.

He let out a sigh while glancing at her for a few more seconds. He took in a deep breath of air and turned on his heels. As he heard the echo of his own footsteps down the metal staircase, Bitna’s words rang through his ears. “Do you think people like us get a happy ending?” Another thing to tear him apart. As if it wasn’t enough that he was scared to know if his mother was alive. Would his mom still want to be around him? Bitna was right, Rose would grow tired of him one day. The minute she finds out what his work really was- She’d definitely leave him.

His feet brought him down the staircase while enveloped in his thoughts. Kyungsoo didn’t even stop to think if the combat had ended or not. Luckily, Fleck was standing right by the staircase waiting for him. “We finished boss. We still have to me-“ Kyungsoo turned to him and cut him off. “Cancel the meeting with the Cho’s. I’m going home.” Fleck’s eyebrow’s furrowed together in confusion. “Boss! We have to meet with them!” Kyungsoo shook his head repeatedly. “Tell them something came up in our town. We can reschedule. They’re one of our top allies, they’ll understand.” Fleck eyed Kyungsoo as the words came out of him. Kyungsoo laughed as he saw the confused look on his face. “I just wanna get home to my girl.” At those words Fleck rolled his eyes and laughed at Kyungsoo.

Fleck nodded and playfully elbowed Kyungsoo. ‘I’ll call the Cho’s.” Kyungsoo watched as Fleck headed in the other direction to make his phone call. He headed towards the car and pulled out his phone. A smile tugged at his lips when he saw a message from Rose. ‘Have you seen the sun today?’ He chuckled as he imagined her typing up this message. He felt like his heart was exploding just thinking about her. ‘Yes, I saw the sun today. But, it wasn’t as bright as you,’ He typed back in response.

        He wanted to get home early and surprise her. He’d missed her so much and just wanted to be in her arms. But his heart warming feeling disappeared as Bitna’s words rang again in his ears. “Do you think people like us get a happy ending?” How long could he get away with having Rose by his side? How long would he be able to protect her for?

[emperor-lover]

Playlist :: #1) The Aftermath

- a “listen while you read” oneshot series -

Title: The Aftermath - Fromm feat. NU’EST Minhyun With: Hwang Minhyun Warnings: Angst i guess? and reference to mature content

Trying out a new writing style for this series, hope you enjoy, also warning this is kinda angsty. The first paragraph was inspired by something I read on tumblr yearsss ago but i dont remember the source :( also ive been feeling a bit moody like this recently lmao must be the spring. ENJOY

A friend once told you that the worst way relationships end isn’t when it becomes a bunch of one-sided feelings or from a bad break-up. In fact, it’s not even one of the pair dying. The worst way to end a relationship is when two people that you can’t see without the other, two people that you know were meant for each other, just...grow apart. Two people who were so very, very close just stop talking and become strangers.

You rarely get a day where you have the chance to sit down and recover from the strenuous life of being an idol. 25 years old and already plagued with health issues from years of lack of sleep, stress and dancing pains, it’s not surprising that you’ve become a homebody. You’ve always preferred staying at home, having a quiet night watching a drama or a movie, instead of loud parties fuelled with alcohol and crowds of people you don’t know.

Switching on the TV, you settle down on your couch, wrapping yourself up in your blanket and sipping on your cup of tea. Flipping through the on-screen tv guide, a heading catches your eye and you gingerly press the button, redirecting you to the channel.

-Mnet [Star Zoom In!] Hwang Minhyun-

The first meeting, you were both 15, young and completely full of hopes and dreams. It had been a typical first meeting. Same high school, same group of friends, two idol trainees about to embark into the entertainment industry.

“Y/N, when I debut and win my first number one on a music show, I’m going to ask you to be my girlfriend, and you have to say yes okay?”

“Yah, Hwang Minhyun? What are you talking about??”

“I’m serious okay!!” Minhyun had laughed as he swung his bag over his shoulder, “Catch you later!”

Minhyun had debuted much earlier than you. 2012 and only 16 years old, him and the rest of NU’EST were some of the youngest boys on the stage. You felt a sense of pride seeing your best friend up on stage, performing brilliantly. You couldn’t wait for the day that you might be able to share the stage with him.

Debuting 15th place on Melon with Face, you were amazed by the feedback they were receiving. You were certain that they were beginning to make their mark on the kpop world.

“Y/N! I just met Yoo Jaesuk sunbaenim and he paid for our meal!!”

“You’re kidding, no way!”

“I have a photo to prove it!”

“I’m so jealous! You’re doing so well Minhyun-ah, I’m proud of you!”

“Hang in there Y/N, when you debut, I’m sure you’ll be able to meet him too!”

“I hope so!!”

How naïve it was to think everything would be sunshine and rainbows as soon as one debuted. The hardship only began from here, but both of you hadn’t even realised yet. You recognised this boy shown on the screen, 18 years old, dancing in a fluorescent backless green top, smiling brightly into the camera.

“Wow, the styling for Sleep Talking is no joke.”

“Ah it’s so embarrassing...”

“The song is catchy though! Your live vocals have definitely improved!!”

“Do you reckon we’ll be able to get our first win with it though?”

“I hope you do!”

It must’ve been hard for him. Being so young, having so many dreams that weren’t being fulfilled. You on the other hand had just begun. Preparations for your own debut were nearly finalised and you were excited to share the news with him. Teaser images were being released tomorrow and you were the first one up. The leader.

“Wow Y/N! You’re the leader! That’s amazing! Jonghyunnie says to share some of your tips with him!” Minhyun had laughed his beautiful deep laughter.

“Nooo, tell Jonghyun that he’s the one that needs to give me advice, I don’t think I’m ready for this...”

“Y/N...I believe in you. I believe you can do it.”

You look at your phone and sighed. Tomorrow would be your group’s 7 year anniversary. You had survived the 7 year curse, and you were happy. You felt blessed that the group you’re in is so friendly and talented, and absolutely adored by everyone. You were in a “miracle” group they called it. Multitalented entertainers and soloists, who had pierced not only the music industry but also the acting, variety and global ones by storm. They were some of your best friends, as well as your family. People you couldn’t imagine your life without.

“Congrats on your first win Y/N!! Here’s to many more to come!” Minhyun raised his glass of grapefruit ade up into the air, and you did the same with yours.

Clinking your glasses together, you felt your heart ache. Your heart was aching because Minhyun was well and truly, 100% happy for you. Not a single sign of envy or jealousy, just so much pride and joy for all your achievements.

And 7 years ago, you also could never imagine your life without Minhyun. He was your closest, your dearest, your best friend. Someone you’d known since the beginning of high school, someone who’d you seen blossom through the awkward teen stage (and vice versa), and someone who you shared a bond that was different to anyone you’d ever met.

“Yah, Hwang Minhyun, stop taking selfies on my phone!”

He grinned, pouting his lips at you, “Only if you give me a kiss first!”

“One day I’ll really kiss you and you’ll be sorry!”

You tried to snatch your phone from him, but he held it up out of your reach. He had ignored your protests and continued to snap photos, giggling to himself at all the dumb filters he had been using. Finally something in you snapped, and you reached up grabbing his face with both hands and planting your lips on his.

His hand holding your phone slipped down to grasp the side of your waist, and the other entwined itself in your hair, as he kissed you back. You hadn’t been expecting this response, both of you always joked about physical affection, and loving each other, but you had never realised how much both of you had actually wanted it. His arms tightened round you, as he deepened the kiss, and your own hands reached out to clutch his shirt.

He was way too good at this. And you were enjoying it way too much. ‘Never been in a relationship my arse,’ you thought to yourself as his tongue traced your lower lip before gently slipping into your mouth. Suddenly, remembering your original intent, your hand reached down to pluck your phone out of his hand, and you begrudgingly forced yourself to break away and stepped back triumphantly.

“Got it!”

Blushing and looking absolutely ravished, the two of you stared at each other for a long moment before breaking out into breathless laughter.

You were amazed at how easy it was to keep your relationship hidden. The two of you were always overly careful, always thinking of how volatile your careers were, especially if a scandal were to break out. You’d hang out in each others dorms, and sometimes even risked going to the movie theatre at the coex or a small cafe together. At the time, however, it was more likely that you’d be the one recognised. Minhyun didn’t even need to wear a mask and he could walk round without being mobbed or noticed. That didn’t matter to the two of you though. As long as you could spend time together, you were both happy.

The TV screen darkened and you glanced up in time to see a clip of one of the comeback stages for Goodbye Bye.

“Y/N? The company just told me that we’re going to Japan next week”

You nodded, you had expected this, NU’EST always had lots of activities in Japan so you were used to Minhyun flying back and forth. This didn’t mean you liked not having him near you though.

Hugging him closer to you, you buried your face into his neck, “Will you be back to celebrate your birthday?”

His hand that was patting your hair gently, stilled.

“I’m going to be gone for 10 months.” he whispered softly

This time, you couldn’t stop yourself from tensing up. 10 months without Minhyun by your side. Almost a whole year in another country. You chided yourself as you fought back tears. You of all people should know that your job as an idol meant you’d have to work round each others’ hectic schedules. Taking a deep breath, you stepped back and nodded up at him, eyes shining.

“I understand, steal all of Japan’s heart, like you stole mine, Hwang Minhyun!”

And he kissed you. Over and over and over again, his soft lips pressed sweetly onto yours, your cheek, your neck. You could feel the gentle caress of his fingers on your skin, fingers fumbling over each others clothes, a wordless but passionate exchange full of love and emotion. As he pulled you over onto his bed, you lost yourself in the feelings, drowning in the sensations, trying to remember everything that was Hwang Minhyun.

The TV was a blur as it whizzed through 2016. Overcome and Love Paint had been two of your favourite albums. You knew that the boys were proud of their albums they were producing, but for some reason, the public never seem to appreciate them. Or even know they existed.

Something about Minhyun had changed when he came back from Japan. He was even more driven, even more determined than before. Trying his hand in writing and composing songs. You had listened to them in awe, absolutely amazed by the musicianship that he possessed. Plus you never realised how beautiful he would look with blond hair until you had witnessed it yourself.

“Y/N! We’re nominated for our first win!! Do you remember 5 years ago when I said that when I get my first win, I’ll ask you to be my girlfriend?? I’ll finally be able to do that!”

You grumbled jokingly, “So what have we been for the past 3 years?”

You’ll never forget the pure elation on his face. His eyes sparkling with so much hope.

So it’s understandable that Minhyun was upset when even after three nominations in a row, they still came short as second best.

Even you had difficulty trying to cheer him up.

“9th Place...Pledis...Hwang Minhyun!”

You laughed bitterly at the T.V. screen. The editors at Mnet must’ve had a blast putting this video together. Minhyun’s life is like their perfect fairy tale. It’s one that’s easily exploitable to get them their views. Not many people can claim this kind of reversal in their life.

“Vote for me, Pledis Entertainment trainee Hwang Minhyun.”

He hadn’t told you. None of the boys had.

You had found out through countless news articles crying foul that a 5 year idol group would be appearing on Produce 101 season 2. You felt a bitter taste in your mouth though. No one cared about them before but suddenly everyone thinks they’re oh so famous and guaranteed to steal spots in the final line up.

You didn’t blame the boys for not telling you though, how could you? It’s a drastic step to strip your status as an idol and go and compete against trainees. It would’ve been a battle of pride, a battle against the world and against themselves. What’s worse is that even as 5 year idols, you can’t even guarantee if they’ll do well, because voting has been so unpredictable.

They’re still young, so talented and deserving of praise.

Videos of Minhyun in Wanna One were now playing. The legendary nation’s boy group that had swept the charts immediately upon debut. Emperor Hwang and his honey voice reaching your ears. You ran your gaze up over his sharp jawline, the apples of his cheeks, and finally, to his beautiful eye smile. It should all be familiar to you, you realised, remembering back to the times when you had traced your fingers down the length of his face, trying to engrave all his features into your memory.

You blinked at the screen. This Minhyun...was a stranger to you.

When was the last time you had even talked to Minhyun?

A day before the Produce 101 finale concert, you found yourself at the NU’EST dorm.

“Minhyun-ah, congratulations of getting into the top 11.”

He didn’t say anything but just gazed at you, his eyes taking in all your features. Things were different now, you had seen his tears in the finale. It had been a rollercoaster of emotions and Minhyun was still trying to take it all in. His popularity was still skyrocketing and his career would only further expand from here. You both knew it.

“I get my phone taken off me starting from tomorrow. This will be the last day in a while that I’ll be able to contact you.” He reached for your hand and kissed your palm gently.

“I love you.”

Once upon time, you were able to close your eyes and mentally visualise the details of Minhyun’s face without a thought. Now, everything was a blur of skin and a smudge of black.

You had tried to keep yourself updated with Minhyun’s activities in Wanna One, but it was hard on top of your own busy life. However, you had caught the clip of when he’d talked about how he’d never been in a relationship before on Happy Together, and you felt a unpleasant pang in your chest.

He still hadn’t gotten his phone back after his first win, so you couldn’t even congratulate him properly. You found it funny that it had come to the point where you were much closer with NU’EST-W than Minhyun himself. That’s actually how you found out. That when Minhyun had eventually gotten his phone back, he hadn’t even contacted you.

You felt ashamed that you even thought for a second that he would remember that promise about asking you to be his girlfriend after his first win. What did you expect though, almost over half a year without seeing each other, without speaking to each other, of course he wouldn’t contact you. At least when he was in Japan, you could still message each other almost every day.

Even after Wanna One had disbanded, and NU’EST were back as 5, you contacted JR, Aron, Dongho and Minki much more than Minhyun. The two of you just never seemed to have a chance to talk. Hell, you seemed to be closer friends with Ong Seongwoo and Kang Daniel than you were to Minhyun.

For a single, brief moment, you thought you could remember his infectious laughter, whispering touches, and butterfly kisses but the moment passed and there was nothing. Not even a hint.

You stared back at his smiling face.

Now he was nothing but a stranger.

The clip on TV draws to a close, reminding viewers to not miss Minhyun’s debut stage tomorrow.

You find it ironic that you’re going to be the one interviewing him about his solo debut tomorrow night. Out of all the shows he’s going on, yours is the first. And of all days of the year he’s debuting, it’s on the same date as your own group’s anniversary.

It’s almost as if fate is reaching out to give you both another chance.

Will you take it though? One more sleep and you’ll find out soon enough.

End.

[prosenkhans]

Your body is not a temple. It’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.

It had to be the Salt Fish & Ackee. And the fried chicken. Of course the fuckin’ fried chicken.

Bourdain called Miss Ollie’s a taste of the “shiny, new Oakland”. You don’t see many tourists here, thank goodness, but the air of gentrification is present. Considered “Downtown Oakland”, you got the not-so-middle-class 20-30s something transplants messing about, bumping head long into 5th generation locals with A’s paraphernalia dangling from twin strollers. You’re just as likely to have a conversation with a person drinking craft IPA out of a laser etched glass to a person brown bagging a St. Ides 40 oz, chasing it with a Hennessy flat bottle they bury deep in their back pocket. It’s a normal thing here. The modern pressing against the traditional. “New money” and the “old school” of things. The social and economic divide that is prevalent so much here in the Bay Area. And still, the willingness by most to close that gap. The whole idea of “who’s town is this” will not be settled tonight. No. There is fish to be eaten. Chicken to be dunked in batter, fried golden, and devoured without utensils. People seem happy enough. Why not? The game is about to start.

It’s about 5:15 PM. The restaurant has yet to open for their dinner shift. And that is where I find myself, in an awkward situation as per usual, waiting in front of a door and peering into a kitchen staff hastily prepping for a Friday night. The idea was to order food and get the fuck home. I did not want to be around IF the Dubs won game 4 (they did). Not that I don’t enjoy a rowdy drunken crowd. Well I don’t actually. Not any more. Besides it wasn’t my victory, it wasn’t my team. Celebrating another’s victory just didn’t seem right, lighting fireworks and screaming in glee whilst turning over cars. Those aren’t my fireworks. I didn’t earn the drunken mob mentality to vandalize vehicles. I just didn’t want to be a buzz kill. No no. No, the only reason I stood there was because I wanted that damn salt fish and chicken! It had been a long day, made longer and mentally uncomfortable by learning that Bourdain had killed himself. No. Get the food, go home, take my pants off and sit on the couch and not so gently devour this stuff. Call it a half ass homage to the man whilst giving me some quiet time to really come to terms with all the thoughts running in my head. Oh and there was whiskey there. Pre-bought whiskey. Lots of it. Which undoubtedly has lead to this ranting essay.

When one writes shit like this it's impossible to avoid IT. The cliches, the flowery anecdotes, the over simplifications, and the glorifications of the recently passed individual. The stuff comes up because it's what we think about. However, I will say this. It a given family and friends are impacted most by a loss. Duh. Condolences, prayers up, what have you. It’s stating the obvious. What I think is escaping a lot of people is maybe we are never as close to someone we would like to think. We may love them. We may relate, appreciate, respect, and even be exceptionally close to them. But it’s becoming more and more evident to me that that UNDERSTANDING is a solo endeavor practiced by individuals specifically for their own self awareness.

We share only what we want people to see of us.

The word I most associate with Bourdain is “natural”. I know most people will go on and talk about his knowledge of the culinary world and his appreciation for amazing food. They’ll talk about his worldy travels and his willingness to immerse himself in the truest space of a city/country’s culture. People applaud and as well they should. Bourdain became the totem for all people with an ever growing sense of wanderlust. The question is why? There are plenty of who know food and culture and travel the world. Hell there are TONS of people on TV that do it and are dull as shit. So why Bourdain? Why is he, now that he is gone, ever so much more deified by those who wish to see our lives as 1/17th compelling as what he lived on screen? He was a natural. Or better yet, a “compelling natural asshole”. Yeah, that’s better.

First and foremost Bourdain was an artist. All of his shows went WELL beyond the norm of his contemporaries. In hindsight, his OG shows and the times in which he filmed them, they were damn near revolutionary. As budgets increased and skills got better, it became less so of an educational eating/travel show but more so of a docu-series of a man living in various moments. A man given the opportunity to perform a “dream job” and knowing fully well how damn lucky he was. Secondly, he was a writer. A good one. People will try to quote him in eulogy these days, but I find it hard to really pare it down. His shows were written so well that it felt like a never ending fount of inspiration meme fodder. Just Google it, you’ll see. And last, he was “cool”. And in the non pretentious type way. We just seemed like what he said, what he wore, what music was playing, hell what type of pop-cultural factoids he would equally praise and lacerate came not from a “marketing analysis report”, but a genuine opinion from a man who seemed unconcerned about the camera in his face.

What I can say is the dude gave off a vibe that drew people in. Or at least thats what he wanted to put out in the world.

I had to wait 15 minutes before I could order. Fuck. Hungry. I was starving at that moment. So even though I was annoyed and rather irritable after such a long and mentally draining day, I made my normally anti-social self do something Bourdain may have approved of. I mingled with strangers. Oh and I bought a beer. And a sausage. Of course a sausage.

Rosamunde’s was getting more crowded as the start of the game grew closer. People in their blue and gold, some with NBA Champion 2018 hats already on, even though the game hadn’t even started yet. Weird. But I made my way up to the shop keep and got my tube of meet and glass of malted hops. Yum. So with 10 minutes to kill I engaged in polite conversation with 2 gents hugging the wall. They were cousins, one local and other from LA. Of course naturally the conversation lead to basketball and the probability that all the people in this restaurant would be drunk off victory and tequila by nights end. They would be. It was a consensus. I wont prattle on about the specifics of the conversation, but within that short 10 minutes I found myself bouyed by their energy. They knew the good times to come, and they were eager to get there. And in that moment, they seemed genuinely happy. As the clock drew closer to the half hour, I started to excuse myself from the conversation. “Just stay, man! We gunna win, and then we’re gunna celebrate!” But I couldn’t. So with one last “Salanche!” (I had to teach them that Irish word), I bid them good evening and their team good luck. It wasn’t my place. Not right now. Besides, fried chicken awaited!

As I stepped away, a smile on my face, a thought in my head. Its natural when someone you admire leaves, especially in such a manner. People will focus more the WHY than anything else. I’ve resigned myself to a simple truth. We DO NOT know what anyone else is thinking. To say we UNDERSTAND another individual so completely that we can approximate their feelings, intent, and mannerism is foolhardy. It's arrogant. If there is anything that I’ve learned from Bourdain is this simple truth.......You don’t know shit. So stop guessing. Try and actually gain knowledge of, well everything. It simple requires effort and openness. And sometimes the willingness to look foolish and fall on your face.

I place my order with the lovely lady. No menu required. I knows what I want. I order a Mauby for the wait. “It’ll be like 10 minutes. You’re the first to order,” she says with a smile. I’m pretty sure she thinks my fatass is ordering for 2. Ha, oh well. I drink my weird soda and wait. And try not to dwell on the WHY.

I’ll simply state that I appreciate what Bourdain CHOSE to show us. All of it. Watch an episode of any of his shows, there is something unique about it. In every episode, Bourdain will turn from cocky asshat, to worldly listener, to foody goofball, to hipster hating old man, to a poetic soul, to an appreciated world travel, to an unwilling celebrity. There will be a facet of all those personas in each show. Every. Single. One. Now I can say that what he CHOSE to show us was a 61 year old man, full of success within a career that any of us would envy. A father of an 11 year old girl who did seemed truly proud of her developing into a full fledged human. A man who found passion and love in this “late” phase of life. A man who has grown healthier and wiser. A man, while still driven, seemed content with it all. And it apparently wasn’t. At all. So people can keep asking WHY all they want. I choose to look at it in a much more cynical view. If Bourdain, the master of the world, chose to exit it in such a state, where does that leave us?

It’s a sad thought that unicorns don’t exist.

7 swigs into my cane sugar soda, all the tables are filled. The room is bustling and the noise level increases. Smiling faces, happy banter. There is an energy in the air. But even in this moment, surrounded by the humanity, I felt alone. Lost in my own thoughts.

Bourdain once said he was “addicted to celebrity”. He wouldn’t have been as successful as he was did he not have the drive and arrogance to achieve it. Still, one would think that being placed upon a pedestal as a cultural and generational icon would become waring. On top of the 250 days of travel, he was Anthony fuckin’ Bourdain all the damn time. People see you and may potentially be expecting a life altering moment, a chance to be inspired by a simple word or action. They think they know you. And that’s with the cameras off. Even when they were rolling there are times where it is evident Bourdain was uncomfortable in his own skin. That he was crossing the velvet rope where he knew he shouldn’t. Where he was torn between enjoying a meal given to him by custom and his reluctance to be so decadent when there are impoverished families just feet away. We see a misfit become potentially what he never saw himself being. A standard bearer, a bougee VIP. A man who inspired a legion, a world of people to open their minds and hearts to other cultures through food and drink, through conversation over a meal. To take the back alley, and skip the IHOP on Main St. Ask a stranger where to get a drink instead of a guide book. To eat something you can’t pronounce. To let go of forethought and allow yourself to take the moment in. By doing so he became accepted as the norm, as how a utopian world should be. And while I hope he is proud to some degree for showing the world a new way to think, a part of me questions that by becoming a living legend, he lost that “outsider rebel” aspect of himself, his persona. That misfit.

The bell rings. My order is ready. The young lady puts everything in a bag. 2 sets of utensils. “I knew it,” I mutter to myself. “Did you say something honey?” she asks. “No,” I chuckle slightly. She smiles and turns her head to give me the inquisitive side eye. “Are you happy with everything,” she asks whimsically. I look down, and smell the food. I smile. “Yeah. Right now I am.”

So as I sit at home writing this, the last of the Ackee scrambled across my plate, I do feel a sense of sadness, but certainly appreciation. To Mr. Anthony Bourdain. I can only say “thanks”. I truly doubt we will know his full impact on society until years, generations later. But in this moment, I thank you. I probably wouldn’t have eaten this fish and chicken without him. And that in itself is worth a toast. Solanche, mutha fucker.

[peterwritting12-blog]

Color

People often ask me what I do for a  living. To this I always reply “I help people see”.  For you see there is a whole new world  beyond the vial we live behind. A world of pure beauty, instead of this  garbage we live in. everything in this world is so two dimensional, its  either absolutely horrible, or the best thing ever. Where as in the world of  color everything is pure wonder. Hmm I should take a step back and explain to  you exactly it is what I do.

 In the world we live in we can only  see two colors black and white. It explains why everything is either horrible  or amazing. Now, what if I where to tell you that by taking this one little  pill, you can take your body, and transport it to this new world that allows  you to see over thousands of different color. This world, is what we  enthusiasts call, the world of color. But you see, this whole thing goes a  lot deeper that just one simple pill. It goes a lot deeper. But we will get  there; I gotta get going or else ill be late for work.

 My days, are all the same. Wake up,  shower, make a few deals, go home, and then get high. You see the drug I deal  is a very unique drug and goes by the name color. I also so happen to be the  only dealer in Chicago that has it. So as you can imagine business is  booming. However today is not an ordinary day, my boss wants me to go to this  big consperiest meeting about ‘color’ and report back to him.

    When I arrived at the meeting there where only 5 people present. So naturally I got alittle bit ticked off about my boss forcing me to go to such a small event. But as the event grew latter into the night it started to entertain me. People where telling, what I believe to be stories about how we live in a test program in a computer, and how the drug, color temporarily sends us into the new, advance model of the program. They continued this outrageous theory with how the suppliers want to push this drug forward  because they want to stress test their servers. As a finally to top the night  off one person spoke of her personal experience that happened to her as she  tried color for the first time. She said “the trip, the trip that I  experienced was one of no other. The sky, it was blue, grass was green I even  experienced a whole arrange of colors in the sky forming a frowny face. It  was all so incredible. But when It all ended and came back to reality, my, my  vision was all blurry. I had troubles seeing. Some days where fine, and  others not so much. Although as much as a tragedy this is, I am lucky. I have  had friends who’ve gone insane from coming back from the trip. Please I urge  you all to not to use this drug. Stay away from it, please, thank you for  your time” Naturally, I started to question  not only the legitimacy of the persons story, but also if I was breaking my  fundamental morals by selling this drug. Now, unlike most drug dealers I like  to take in the consideration of the buyer’s health when I provide him a  product. After all I am the biggest supplier in Chicago. But, if color is  really causing impaired vision, among other side effect; I really don’t know  if I can keep selling this product. At that very second that thought  popped up in my head I received a text message. The message was from the  creator of color himself. The message stated 

We understand that there has been some side effects caused by our  recent invention ‘Color’ We would like to inform you that we have come out  with a newer version of this drug that addresses these side effects. I would  like to amend our current agreement and propose the following:

-I will supply you with a shipment of the new, and improved  version of ‘colour’

- You must destroy the remaining amount of ‘color’ that you  currently posses

- the money made off of your sales from the first version of  ‘color’ will be yours to keep

- the income from yours sales of the second version of ‘color’ shall be split 50/50

 you have the next 24 hours to inform me of your decision.

From,

The Supplier

Without any hesitation I accepted  his offer. How couldn’t I? The money that I will make off of this agreement  it absurd; it would be foolish of my to decline.

 The next day the new shipment came  in, so I decided to go to work. That day alone I sold 50 units, needless to  say, im the best. For my own conscious I made everyone who bought the new  version of color fill out a survey to see if they experienced any unusual  effects. To my delight everyone didn’t experience anything disturbing.  However as I was near the end of the shipment, peculiar things started to  arise… More and more conspiracy meetings  were starting to take place all over Chicago. The media started to broadcast  new outbreaks of Color, and how the drug has been broken loose and is being sold on the streets, as well as how people have been reported to have gone into a coma during  their psychedelic trips. The craziest things about this whole situation?  Demand is still high.

Word has gotten out, somehow, that  I was one of the creators of this drug. As much as I know it’s not true,  people want to pin this whole situation on one guy. I could hear the sirens  coming for me. Mad mobs approaching my doorsteps. You know that feeling when  you’re bound to get caught and you try to get out by doing something idiotic  and you can never explain your actions? Well, this is one of those moments. In the spur of the moment, I popped  the pill Colour. Within one minute, I entered a psychadelic trip. When I awoke, I was lying down on an invisible platform. Everything  around me was white, however, there were redish orange streaks in the sky  that really captured the clouds. In front of me stood a silhouette of a man  filled with a warm range of colors. In this very moment, I lived one of my  life long dreams: to be in a classic action movie cliché where the man behind  the curtain explains his diabolical plan You know when all your friends  reassure you the universe doesn’t hate you? 

By the way, i want to just point out something. Remember all those times when you prayed for something to happen and it never did? Well, guess what? it’s because the universe hates you! The man controlling it all hates you. ok back to my story. 

The strange man spoke in a deep, monotone  voice and said, “I would like to thank you for helping to push forward my  product. If you haven’t guessed who I am already, you know me as ‘The  Supplier.’ As you stand here in front of me, the Earth that you live on is  currently being erased. For you see, the reality that you think is your  reality, does not exist. It never has. It’s only a program that’s made to test  your race, the new race that we created. It is designed to see if your race  is deemed worthy to live among us. But, humanity has failed. Your reward for  helping me is that I gave you your own individual test. That too, you failed.  You took money over saving others. Money, greed, power is all humanity cares  about. The stability of your race would never be sustainable, it would only  come to an inevitable end! Dangle a treat in front of a person, that’s all  they would want regardless of their own health or others! For over thousands of years, this  test has been run. Each time a failure. Each time, to either greed, power, or  envy. Like others, your memories shall be wiped and this process shall be  repeated. Try not to fail again.”