#HP Printer Update

[eirianerisdar]

Somewhat poetic that Hewlett-Packard might get name sponsorship of Scuderia Ferrari

After all, much like Ferrari, HP as we all know presents the gold standard for reliability and efficiency 💀

[nommedtail]

https://bdsmovement.net/Act-Now-Against-These-Companies-Profiting-From-Genocide

Please stop seeing politics as an identity and start seeing it as a collective means for change

[mostlysignssomeportents]

“If buying isn’t owning, piracy isn’t stealing”

20 years ago, I got in a (friendly) public spat with Chris Anderson, who was then the editor in chief of Wired. I'd publicly noted my disappointment with glowing Wired reviews of DRM-encumbered digital devices, prompting Anderson to call me unrealistic for expecting the magazine to condemn gadgets for their DRM:

https://longtail.typepad.com/the_long_tail/2004/12/is_drm_evil.html

I replied in public, telling him that he'd misunderstood. This wasn't an issue of ideological purity – it was about good reviewing practice. Wired was telling readers to buy a product because it had features x, y and z, but at any time in the future, without warning, without recourse, the vendor could switch off any of those features:

https://memex.craphound.com/2004/12/29/cory-responds-to-wired-editor-on-drm/

I proposed that all Wired endorsements for DRM-encumbered products should come with this disclaimer:

WARNING: THIS DEVICE’S FEATURES ARE SUBJECT TO REVOCATION WITHOUT NOTICE, ACCORDING TO TERMS SET OUT IN SECRET NEGOTIATIONS. YOUR INVESTMENT IS CONTINGENT ON THE GOODWILL OF THE WORLD’S MOST PARANOID, TECHNOPHOBIC ENTERTAINMENT EXECS. THIS DEVICE AND DEVICES LIKE IT ARE TYPICALLY USED TO CHARGE YOU FOR THINGS YOU USED TO GET FOR FREE — BE SURE TO FACTOR IN THE PRICE OF BUYING ALL YOUR MEDIA OVER AND OVER AGAIN. AT NO TIME IN HISTORY HAS ANY ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY GOTTEN A SWEET DEAL LIKE THIS FROM THE ELECTRONICS PEOPLE, BUT THIS TIME THEY’RE GETTING A TOTAL WALK. HERE, PUT THIS IN YOUR MOUTH, IT’LL MUFFLE YOUR WHIMPERS.

Wired didn't take me up on this suggestion.

But I was right. The ability to change features, prices, and availability of things you've already paid for is a powerful temptation to corporations. Inkjet printers were always a sleazy business, but once these printers got directly connected to the internet, companies like HP started pushing out "security updates" that modified your printer to make it reject the third-party ink you'd paid for:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/11/ink-stained-wretches-battle-soul-digital-freedom-taking-place-inside-your-printer

Now, this scam wouldn't work if you could just put things back the way they were before the "update," which is where the DRM comes in. A thicket of IP laws make reverse-engineering DRM-encumbered products into a felony. Combine always-on network access with indiscriminate criminalization of user modification, and the enshittification will follow, as surely as night follows day.

This is the root of all the right to repair shenanigans. Sure, companies withhold access to diagnostic codes and parts, but codes can be extracted and parts can be cloned. The real teeth in blocking repair comes from the law, not the tech. The company that makes McDonald's wildly unreliable McFlurry machines makes a fortune charging franchisees to fix these eternally broken appliances. When a third party threatened this racket by reverse-engineering the DRM that blocked independent repair, they got buried in legal threats:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/20/euthanize-rentier-enablers/#cold-war

Everybody loves this racket. In Poland, a team of security researchers at the OhMyHack conference just presented their teardown of the anti-repair features in NEWAG Impuls locomotives. NEWAG boobytrapped their trains to try and detect if they've been independently serviced, and to respond to any unauthorized repairs by bricking themselves:

https://mamot.fr/@q3k@hackerspace.pl/111528162905209453

Poland is part of the EU, meaning that they are required to uphold the provisions of the 2001 EU Copyright Directive, including Article 6, which bans this kind of reverse-engineering. The researchers are planning to present their work again at the Chaos Communications Congress in Hamburg this month – Germany is also a party to the EUCD. The threat to researchers from presenting this work is real – but so is the threat to conferences that host them:

https://www.cnet.com/tech/services-and-software/researchers-face-legal-threats-over-sdmi-hack/

20 years ago, Chris Anderson told me that it was unrealistic to expect tech companies to refuse demands for DRM from the entertainment companies whose media they hoped to play. My argument – then and now – was that any tech company that sells you a gadget that can have its features revoked is defrauding you. You're paying for x, y and z – and if they are contractually required to remove x and y on demand, they are selling you something that you can't rely on, without making that clear to you.

But it's worse than that. When a tech company designs a device for remote, irreversible, nonconsensual downgrades, they invite both external and internal parties to demand those downgrades. Like Pavel Chekov says, a phaser on the bridge in Act I is going to go off by Act III. Selling a product that can be remotely, irreversibly, nonconsensually downgraded inevitably results in the worst person at the product-planning meeting proposing to do so. The fact that there are no penalties for doing so makes it impossible for the better people in that meeting to win the ensuing argument, leading to the moral injury of seeing a product you care about reduced to a pile of shit:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/25/moral-injury/#enshittification

But even if everyone at that table is a swell egg who wouldn't dream of enshittifying the product, the existence of a remote, irreversible, nonconsensual downgrade feature makes the product vulnerable to external actors who will demand that it be used. Back in 2022, Adobe informed its customers that it had lost its deal to include Pantone colors in Photoshop, Illustrator and other "software as a service" packages. As a result, users would now have to start paying a monthly fee to see their own, completed images. Fail to pay the fee and all the Pantone-coded pixels in your artwork would just show up as black:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/10/28/fade-to-black/#trust-the-process

Adobe blamed this on Pantone, and there was lots of speculation about what had happened. Had Pantone jacked up its price to Adobe, so Adobe passed the price on to its users in the hopes of embarrassing Pantone? Who knows? Who can know? That's the point: you invested in Photoshop, you spent money and time creating images with it, but you have no way to know whether or how you'll be able to access those images in the future. Those terms can change at any time, and if you don't like it, you can go fuck yourself.

These companies are all run by CEOs who got their MBAs at Darth Vader University, where the first lesson is "I have altered the deal, pray I don't alter it further." Adobe chose to design its software so it would be vulnerable to this kind of demand, and then its customers paid for that choice. Sure, Pantone are dicks, but this is Adobe's fault. They stuck a KICK ME sign to your back, and Pantone obliged.

This keeps happening and it's gonna keep happening. Last week, Playstation owners who'd bought (or "bought") Warner TV shows got messages telling them that Warner had walked away from its deal to sell videos through the Playstation store, and so all the videos they'd paid for were going to be deleted forever. They wouldn't even get refunds (to be clear, refunds would also be bullshit – when I was a bookseller, I didn't get to break into your house and steal the books I'd sold you, not even if I left some cash on your kitchen table).

Sure, Warner is an unbelievably shitty company run by the single most guillotineable executive in all of Southern California, the loathsome David Zaslav, who oversaw the merger of Warner with Discovery. Zaslav is the creep who figured out that he could make more money cancelling completed movies and TV shows and taking a tax writeoff than he stood to make by releasing them:

https://aftermath.site/there-is-no-piracy-without-ownership

Imagine putting years of your life into making a program – showing up on set at 5AM and leaving your kids to get their own breakfast, performing stunts that could maim or kill you, working 16-hour days during the acute phase of the covid pandemic and driving home in the night, only to have this absolute turd of a man delete the program before anyone could see it, forever, to get a minor tax advantage. Talk about moral injury!

But without Sony's complicity in designing a remote, irreversible, nonconsensual downgrade feature into the Playstation, Zaslav's war on art and creative workers would be limited to material that hadn't been released yet. Thanks to Sony's awful choices, David Zaslav can break into your house, steal your movies – and he doesn't even have to leave a twenty on your kitchen table.

The point here – the point I made 20 years ago to Chris Anderson – is that this is the foreseeable, inevitable result of designing devices for remote, irreversible, nonconsensual downgrades. Anyone who was paying attention should have figured that out in the GW Bush administration. Anyone who does this today? Absolute flaming garbage.

Sure, Zaslav deserves to be staked out over an anthill and slathered in high-fructose corn syrup. But save the next anthill for the Sony exec who shipped a product that would let Zaslav come into your home and rob you. That piece of shit knew what they were doing and they did it anyway. Fuck them. Sideways. With a brick.

Meanwhile, the studios keep making the case for stealing movies rather than paying for them. As Tyler James Hill wrote: "If buying isn't owning, piracy isn't stealing":

https://bsky.app/profile/tylerjameshill.bsky.social/post/3kflw2lvam42n

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/12/08/playstationed/#tyler-james-hill

Image: Alan Levine (modified) https://pxhere.com/en/photo/218986

CC BY 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

[boldlygoing-nowhere]

Boycotts are definitely worthwhile forms of protest but I’m really begging some people to actually look at the BDS list and focus on the companies listed there.

I think a lot of people have latched on to Starbucks because it’s easy for them to actually boycott but this is a reminder that it’s not listed. It doesn’t have stores in Israel and it doesn’t send money to the IDF. The reason it got drug in is that Starbucks corporate sued the union to take down a pro-Palestine post. Shitty and BDS has supported the union, but it’s not as actively complicit in genocide as HP, Puma, Re/Max, Sodastream, Siemens, Chevron, etc.

Don’t buy HP computers or printers, or sodastreams, or Puma shoes, or gas from Chevron, or Hyundais or Volvos. Avoid Siemens and Intel products when you can (this is harder to avoid).

Amazon, Google, AirBNB, Disney, Expedia, Booking.com, Teva (pharmaceutical), etc are pressure targets. Not necessarily a boycott but that can be included.

Organic boycotts are included, so yes boycott Starbucks if you feel you need to. But make sure you’re putting that energy into the BDS targets.

[ralfmaximus]

On March 3, YouTuber Louis Rossman posted a video saying that “Brother turns heel & becomes anti-consumer printer company.” The video, spotted by Tom’s Hardware, has 163,000 views as of this writing and seems to be based on a Reddit post from 2022. In that post, Reddit user 20Factorial said that firmware update W1.56 caused the automatic color registration feature to stop working on his Brother MFC-3750 when using third-party cartridges. “With the colors not able to be aligned, the printer is effectively non-functional,” 20Factorial said. The Redditor went on to say that when asked, a Brother customer service agent confirmed that “the printer is non-functional without genuine toner.”

Whelp, it was fun while it lasted. It appears Brother has turned to the dark side, same as HP. However, Ars Technica is careful to specify there are conflicting reports and their own (casual) internal investigation suggests their Brother printer is just fine with 3rd party supplies.

However, there is a key factor: Ars Technica says it doesn't allow their Brother printer to connect to the internet, and thus has not had its firmware updated.

So.

If you have a Brother printer, disconnect it from the internet (unless you have a very specific use case), and

If you're contemplating a new Brother printer, be aware you may be forced into buying genuine Brother toner forever.

[applesjuice]

So an update on my Ogerpon cosplay! Took me forever, like over a month straight to figure out how I wanted to do the eyes. Initially I went with a normal toon eye using buckram like below

But I didnt like it. It was fine but I didn't think the eyes were vibrant enough, plus with Ogerpon's head being an orb, having the eyes sit flat just looked...off. So i reworked them despite modeling eyeblanks and paying $$$ to get them 3D printed. Luckily I was able to repurpose them by sanding them down and usng them as a frame.

I found out about dye sublimation eyes which are popular in the fursuit community. Alas my printer doesn't support that sort of ink (love my 15 year old hp i got for free) and idk i wanted some depth to my eyes, almost like a bjd. So after lots and lots of failures I wound up with this:

Curved pc fan mesh with craft foam and a clear acrylic dome on top. There's a layer of clear vinyl in there for a slight holo effect. I was trying to get that on the irises with yellow vinyl but it was a mess. Imo the craft foam looked best. The felt is light brown because if you look close at Ogerpon's design in game her eyes have a brown outline and the black "eyelashes" are actually markings on her skin.

But hey the leaf under her hood came together pretty quick after i shaped the foam.

The stem attaches to the head via a carriage bolt so it stays on nice and sturdy. Next will be fitting the head to my own head and lining the inside!

[stillheresanctuary]

Since it has been a while, how has all the residents been doing?

Thank you for asking! That's actually a very good question especially after such a long time. Let me see where we all left off...

Want me to do roll call?

Oh! That would be lovely, thank you Key! Right, while he's gathering everyone, I believe it would be best to start with a couple general updates:

As of last posting, five Residents were unable to relate or did not have names beyond their general typing; Our multi-return Brassberry, the murder survivor Lumen, the hoarded Blue Naga, and the Wolf Duo. I'm pleased to announce that all of them now have names! While their tags haven't been updated yet, I am happy to related that our Brassberry has finally chosen to be called Locke (KeyLargo was ridiculously pleased about the choice, I think it's supposed to be a pun), the Lumen survivor managed to tell us that his name is Cream, the battered Blue Naga decided he liked the nickname Nile, and of the two SkeleWolves, the now-identified RuffFluff chose to call himself and his ShyFluff companion Skoll and Hati after the Norse legend. The ShyFluff hasn't quite gotten over being named after the wolf who chases the sun, but he seems to like it well enough and the RuffFluff genuinely seems to enjoy those legends.

Halim would also like to report that he has gotten quite a lot of help in performing the research needed to develop prosthetics for some of our more injured residents, and both Jasper and Spike have been fitted with suitable prosthetics to compensate for their lost appendages. While there's still a lot of research to be done, we did get ahold of a few monster scientists and have been renting time at the local MakerSpace to utilize their resin and filament 3D printers. Jasper is on the sixth iteration of his prosthetic arm, while Spike is on the third iteration of his replacement hand. I'm hoping with these advancements, we'll eventually be able to create other assistive devices for disabled and injured bitties, like our own Pepper the Papython with his stunted tail. He's currently working with a prototype wheelchair and has been having great fun smacking into everyone's ankles.

There is also some bittersweet news in regards to Chase the Twister and Whisper the Meek. Unfortunately, Chase Fell Down after almost a year in our care, and Dusted after about three weeks in the coma-like state. After speaking extensively with the therapist he was visiting on a weekly basis as well as a few specialists in the near area, his endurance of a full year with a broken bond is entirely unprecedented, and it's thought that the cause of his Falling Down was related to the permanent drop in his HP after the incident. Halim tells me that Chase very likely caught an illness at some point and refused to tell anyone about it until it was too late to help, and he passed gently in his sleep. We spread his Dust over the bay window seat he ended up enjoying most during his stay. Whisper, on the other hand, has become a part of the Crew. After a long time searching for his original owner, he finally decided that it was no longer worth the heartache, and instead focused on making his stay at the Sanctuary the best he could possibly make it. While he still defaults to Circular Gallifreyan as his first written language, he has become quite fluent in English as well as American Sign Language and has been helping Code with the construction of a speech pad small enough for Bitty Bones to use. He's also taken it upon himself to learn how to identify panic responses and the long email chains he has with Chase's former therapist tell me that he is looking into seeing if he can learn psychology to help out around the Center.

Ey, Key said ya wanted some help with updates?

Hiya, Ed. Yeah, we've been offline for quite a while, figured a whole house update would be good.

Told 'em about Chase?

...Yeah.

Mmm. Good. Get to Mama's Litter yet?

Nuh-uh. You wanna give the run down?

Eh, sure.

A'ight, so, Mama's Litter. S'what we call the group that needs special focused attention basically 24/7, an' Mama's basically hard wired for that kinda care. She's got Princess helpin' t'take care of Purr, little guy's got some kinda allergy t'the resins we been tryin' for prosthetics so he's got arm crutches for now. Teddy took to 'er really well, seen 'im braidin' stuff in 'er fur. He's doin' well on that lotus tea, too, hasn't had any heat flare ups since we got the right dosage figured.

Ah, who else... Oh, yeah.

Skoll an' Hati, the wolf duo, they've been doin' well with Mama keepin' 'em in line. Think she considers 'em -like- older kits, she doesn't fuss over them as much as Sunny an' the littles.

Lessee... You talk about the Support Classes?

It was a mistake to introduce you to Team Fortress 2.

Sure, sure. Doesn't make it less accurate.

What Ed means is our specialists working in the background and helping keep the Center running. Halim is our head medic, and he's recently got a scholarship to take further classes at the local community college. He's teaching Van some of the more advanced stuff, and there's a bi-monthly First Aid refresher for everyone on the Crew.

Bahadur is our resident chef, and he actually did a 9 month course on nutritional science at the local trade school. Al and Jasper both help him out from time to time, but he enjoys making meals for everyone and likes to ensure that every bite is full of love and good intentions.

Speaking of Jasper, I forgot to mention that Saffron and Coils, his original housemates? They're expecting a clutch soon! It was a bit of surprise for everyone, most of us at the Center kind of forgot that bonded mates -well- mate, and I was not aware of bitty prophylactics until far too late in the game. Saffron is carrying the clutch, which hasn't helped his paranoia, but Coils has really come into his own now that his tail is fully healed and has taken it upon himself to build a proper home for them and their coming babybones. Well, 'build'. He talked to Sharptooth, who talked to Ed, who talked to Al, who talked to Whisper, who has open access to my laptop for his psychology lessons... About two weeks after finding out about the clutch, I got a massive package under my name delivered from a local carpenter who thought he was making a giant guinea pig hutch. It's an excellent house, don't get me wrong, but there's a reason I removed all my card information from my computer and Whisper got grounded for three days.

Honest to the Angel, I swear I did not know the kid was gonna do that.

I don't blame you, Ed, you're not omniscient. This stuff happens sometimes.

Anyway, I think that's most of the big developments.

Cream and Spike have gotten really close, Pocket and Bobbin are still touch averse to wildly different degrees, Moon has been having a BLAST getting up to mischief with Code and Sharptooth, Nile woke up and became a total motormouth... Oh! Grassy is learning to read and write in Braille, since most of his vision never returned, and the Meeratale Trio had their baby and are currently riding high on the fact their abusive previous owner won't be getting out of prison for another 18 months and can never come near them again. Jerkoff got blacklisted from every bitty associated agency across four states and still has to pay child support. It's incredible.

I think that's everyone...?

Heh, you're still missin' two, darl.

I am-? Oh! Vela and Cu!

Vela has recovered almost entirely from his broken state when he was originally brought in, he needs to wear a brace where his leg got a small infection and didn't heal correctly, but he's getting around just fine and has started up a sci-fi debate club of sorts.

Cu Chullain, I am extremely proud to announce, has started going to school! On the internet. Because he's still got some pretty severe separation anxiety. He's literally napping in the collar of my sweater right now. But-! He's learned a lot of English and while he's still mostly non-verbal, he can read and write and actually provided some useful testimony that helped the state take down three more bitty fighting rings apparently all being run under the same shell corporation.

Pretty cool he recognized the head guy on TV that one time.

Oh yeah, that gave me a hell of a spook when he launched down the back of my shirt though. Took us -what- twenty minutes to get him to calm down?

At least that, yeah.

In any case, I'm pretty sure that's the whole roster! If anyone has any more in depth questions or anything, please feel free to drop a line in the askbox. Buh-bye!

See ya.

[safetyobstacles]

Parte dois of my giant post to hold all my reactions as i watch Desconjuração because my original post somehow got MASSIVE

so spoilers under the cut starting on ep 9 BBBB)))))

parte uno

update from episode 11 this post is also massive help

you know that song "our house in the middle of our street" thats what this half of desconjuração is like but its just "our house" over and over and over and

WHAT THE HELL WHY WHY WHY WHY

i am sad about liz but its okay im fine its im so sad im rotting im dust my bones have turned to acid and liquid and theres no putting me back together its okay at least i still have arthur and kaiser and erin and joui and WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

EP 9 im going to its 130 am and i have work in the morning but i actually cant sleep until i know what happens to Ivete

cellbit got a haircut for christmas

the void room looks so cool ????????? joui doesnt get a line sus

ABSOLUTE COMEDY GOLD THIAGO AND BEA that was the funniest shit ever "careful asking questions" "GOT ANY SUGGESTIONS??" KKKKKKK i had to pause to breathe if ivete dies because of this at least it was really fucking funny

??????????????????????????????????????????????? i have trust issues is this even real

off topic but ivete, kaiser, and arthur all living together is actually the cutest thing ever i want to crush them like an orange to make juice

joui why are you being so vague over this phone call sus sus sus sus

cellbit says the word photos and i wanna throw him out a window leave kaisers photos aloooooooooooonnnnnneneeeeeee oh nvm the photos are normal :)

joui looking good with his 26 hp 69 sanity :)) erin slowly going crazy with her 13 sanity :))))))) dante is just kinda homeless rn isnt he

ok i feel like this is probably real enough that i can go to sleep without worrying

i think my favourite ordem song is in the second half of this season but that also doesn't bode well for the team...

tristan FUMBLES with the pool question

joui wasnt in the spooky room joui wont hug tristan.............. sus

im so glad everyone else thinks that bea asking for suggestions was funny as fuck dude i was in tears over it

LOOOOL dude i couldnt figure out why Mia was so familiar shes in the GAME her and Lupi i cant believe i didnt recognize her at first its okay ivete i also cant do math in my head

'yeah she fought the god of death thats why shes old' this is so awkward for fernando specifically

why is erin's grandma an elite hacker i think we should open the possible ransomware for fun good thing erin passed her sanity test wtf kaiser's apartment is haunted his computer is haunted his face is fucked up one of his friends just died someone go buy him some gum erin i think your grandma might have joined a cult

kaiserrrrrr he cares so much about his people, giving ivete money to find a new place for now agatha really grows on you shes just a little guy with deadly tendencies and fun hobbies

joui vs modern technology is such a good bit

kaiser about to dislocate his knee all over again door strong

'tem dois pufes' WHAT A GOOD WORD PUFES I LOVE THAT INCREDIBLE suspicious note in the haunted wine cabinet kaiser with the haunted cigarettes and the haunted weed idk which team is more cursed team 2 has a cellbit npc but team 1 has the guys that are seeing phantom eyeballs everywhere

quatro pessoas..... fofoca..... bro arnaldo fritz got around EVERYWHERE are we sure thiago is his only kid the plumbing might need some work wow thats actually like my worst nightmare whats happening to kaiser erin with 13 sanity about to start her singing career

water being used as a horror element makes this 10 times harder to get through for me just the idea of it freaks me out lolll enigma of the printer they're never going to get this file printed strong feeling that tristan is going to get mangled in the haunted house

if i was cellbit and all my players were scattered around the house trying to do 7 different things all at once i would just cry

dante's lost, tristan is trying to set up erin and joui, arthur and fernando are arguing over a printer, kaiser is pocketing a laptop, bea is trying to advance the plot, joui is panicking over groups of 4

kaiser dont go to the bathroom the water is trying to drown you CAN WE LEAVE THJE HAUNTED HOUSE why all these houses fucked up kaiser no more houses for you thats horrible thats horrible thats horrible why do you hate photography cellbit

tristan dont look out tristan stay hiding tristan shut the fuck up the evil monster is in the hALLWAY oh nevermind oh nevermind never mind oh shit oh FUCK DAMN DAMN DAMN BRO GOT OPENED LIKE A CAN OF TUNA

EP 10 theres no way this can go worse than the Virgulino house fight

this season's opening is so good last season's was as well i love good opening sequences DAMN i just watched osnf opening again and now im sad once more i watched it 4 more times i am in AGONY

THE TRISTAN CORPSE erin with 18 sanity doing better nevermind fucking hell maybe we get erin out of here bea runs TOWARDS the corpse thats crazy hello luciano this is really awkward for you to show up right now

go downstairs go downstairs go downstairs go downstairs leave the house leave the house leave the house guys joui has the right idea get the hell out

would be crazy to be one of the neighbours looking out the window right now ERINNNNNNN its ok its ok joui about to beat up dante not the van cellbit looks sus as fuck i think they should go visit the neighbours all the blood might make it a bit awkward tho

so glad i can read portuguese so this notebook could make me sad before Bea even started reading it who's letting their kid answer the door when you live across from a haunted house

little tiny Arthur terrorizing these kids he doesnt mean it puppy fernando probably would have been the better person to talk to the neighbours kaiser repeating their names so he doesnt forget like he did in the house im gonna break something

'its us three forever' AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA im going to deastroy ecveryhting rgresrebhvaljkvbfdsahlvnfakdv

ok but at least if we are going back in the house can we figure out whats up with the printer are we suuuuure the laptop doesnt have a charger is there a ladder that we can use, have kaiser or arthur climb up look through a window, see if they can see the spider woman

the plan is dont die IM SURE THEY WILL ALL BE OKAY bea i think if you go with you die maybe the spider woman is turning tristan's body into a puppet and shes gonna start a puppet show

im so glad we're going in the house at night im so glad theres a red light in the haunted house at night im so glad this is a group of 4 Joui got me paranoid PICTURE DEVELOPMENT ROOM thats not very scary nevermind kaiser get away from the sink its gonna try to suck you again is that bastet ive seen his doki doki stream

i was just gonna comment on how cellbit suddenly sat up straight but he just became grandma again bro erin has 8 sanity one of her best friends just died in front of her she needs to go home ooog idk if we go upstairs ooooggggrgrgbrehgrdf joui idk if you go in front ur kinda freaking out

i hate this house haunted wardrobe about to eat dante the haunted eyeball is contagious ok what do we all have in common that the eyeball is haunting them ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that i can think of the odds of dante putting that number in his phone thats crazy has anyone thought about looking up at the ceiling while they walk

ok now open the door again thats how the eyes work they disappear after you see them ok nvm stop trying to open the door shut the door shut the door KICK THE DOOR???? EXTREMO??? joui that room is hella haunted "hehe nao sabe" wheres kian, kian sabe

i would like to ask again has anyone considered looking up at the ceiling this entire time oh lol they actually looked up just now LAPTOP CHARGER POG who the hell is moving a whole stove upstairs if it broke just put it outside joui is afraid of the upstairs stove

i feel like whatever monster is in this house isnt resposible for kaiser's memory problems/photo problems because his photos got messed up all the way back at Liz's apartment, and the dripping sound was happening before that or maybe its just a part of it since joui and dante have seen the eyesballs now too but why does ivete see it too ? ?? ? its linked specifically to kaiser maybe? maybe its like the flu and hes spreading it by coughing on everyone but then if it is linked to kaiser why him?? i dont remember anything especially specific happening to him at the end of osnf

if thats a photo of them right now ill die thats another horror trope i hate is when you get confirmation that something is indeed watching you please look out the window i have to know ok maybe it isnt

wait didnt that old lady call them an uber like 3 hours ago maybe they can print a key for one of the doors the most obvious crack in the wall everybody missed it for so long

alright buddy cellbit why do you keep calling out the time thats sus why is he counting it out by the minute stop it joui you loser that was cute maybe we burn it outside have you guys ever thought of that maybe we burn it outside so we arent trapped in the house

couldnt have tried burning it outside joui hiding in rocks like a crab okay kaiser runs INTO the house okAY kinda figured the door would do that ah fhfdvnfjdavbklfrdhaij; this music is awesome bea going to hide in a pillow fort idk if that ones gonna work bud wait yeah maybe we dont go in the van something vandalized it last time

"you still dont hear footsteps" ok but last time thats when tristan got plucked also the hell music is still playing so luciano HIIIDE JUST HIDE maybe break the window??? JKUST HIDE STOP FIGHTING THE WINDOW JUST HIDE NVM OK JUMP OUT THE WINDOW LEEEEEAVE NAAO no gkd danmnmuit LUIS BEAAAA shes hgonna shoot him on accident dante got the fuck out lmaooooo

LUCIANO LIVES??????? HE LIVEDDDDDDDDDDD leave the house leave the house leave the house leave the house theres still a half hour left this episode is stressing me out so bad its awesome

headless doll how nice how friendly how normal for a haunted house nvm now the doll has a head erin needs a vacation she has 8 sanity this fucking laptop is the actual boss of the house no way theres only 10 minutes left we're gonna be stuckj in this house for another episode mom pick me up i want to go home

burn the photo OUTSIDE wehats wrong with you guys THANK YOU JOUI NO KAISER wait so it wasnt reacting to the photos getting burned not the POV photo damn poor record guy AWESOME COFFINS GREAT ONE IS OPEN COOL

ep 11 shoutout to orpheu for living this long

rakin did something different with his hair

opening the unchained coffin is wild but you go dante dont let anyone stop you grabbing the floating tape is wild but you go bea dont let anyone stop you taking a picture of the monster is such a good idea you just have to not die in the process\

'kills victims after devouring their memories' KAISERRRRRR 'you guys are getting tired and hungry' ok well maybe if someone didnt fuck up their van they could go to a waffle house

CUP NOODLES POG why are you judging joui's cup noodle flavour listen just send arthur to the old lady's house sure he has one arm and a scarred face but hes arthur hes so small hes the kind of person old people love joui about to get sucked by the sink oh nevermind is this water even safe to drink tho theyre about to get parasites

joui and arthur sharing ramen :) so cute so small so cute how have non of these people eaten ramen before this isnt even real ramen its instant noodles this cooking break is kind of nice if you ignore the invisible spider stalking them no way we take a nap in the haunted house

this is supposed to be sad i can tell but im obsessed with memory loss kaiser going 'wow look at my totally normal faceless parents in this totally normal picture' and arthur just being 'no kaiser no no no'

really admire how we're all just chilling in the haunted house erin so quiet joui you are such a loser i love you NOO ERIN CAN ALSO HEAR THEM KKKKKKKK luciano gnawing on a brick of instant noodles is so real joui and erin gonna make my heart bones dissolve stop it ill die nobody smile at her she may have a heart attack

am i crazy is it not wild to be napping in the haunted house i feel crazy cellbit saying 'you feel strange' but its just luciano changing back had me so scared for half a second fernando this is so awkward you know that tristan is dead right

joui and arthur SLEEPING ON THE COUCH TOGETHER GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR "bom dia joui :)"

POLICE OPEN UP joui just let the cop in joui is incredibly charming nvm not that charming english jumpscare wheres thiago when you need him he could talk his way out of this uh oh

STOPPP the english is killing me also these cops are about to die horribly dante playing splinter cell ana about to get SNATCHED JUAREZ MOOOOVE dude that thing looks awesome her arms are so long AHHH HE MAKES IT OUT THE WINDOW THIS TIME we shoot the monster as its trying to hug joui okay 8 damage is fucked

kaiser is playing pokemon snap meanwhile the monster is trying to turn arthur's chest into a bread bowl luciano doing crazy damage this fight beaaaaaa bbbro its eating her DESASTRE??? nah wait doesnt this thing eat memories before it kills you dude come on bea barely has any HES ABOUT TO PUNCH THE BIRD ORPHEU IS GLOWING AGAINN dante stumbling through the window

erin is so real hiding this whole fight DAMN snapped orpheu like a pencil HE SAID THE THING ???????????? this thing hates knowledge specifically it has so much HEALTH IT CAN REACH OUT THE WINDOW JOUI FUCKIGN SLIPPPPPEDDDD kaiser so mad about being the photographer JOUI YOU'RE SO COOOOOL

cellbit you fucker i dont think tiny bird cpr is going to help YO????? erin chilling with 2 sanity open the door open it open it thats a whole book cellbit...........................

EP 12 whats on the laptop whats in that room can we go home yet

hi everybody welcome to the next episode here have some trauma

nobody smile at erin she's liable to just straight up kill herself if you arent careful 'im gonna tell bea i liked her writing :D' oh dear erin dont even worry about it joui, erin's just gonna talk to tristan's blood splatter

dante with the haircut can the paranormal fix my vision too i would become an occultist for that how is this door STILL stuck who in there not-dead-bea isnt gonna freak out is she thats gonna be reallyyyyyyy

theres no way i would be opening one of these coffins after all the shit we just went through what if theres another spider woman in there joui with a shotgun... does this count as grave robbing is kaiser going to be haunted by even more spirits

dont worry kaiser i have dyslexia and i cant read cursive either its cursed SHOOTING THE COFFIN IS HILARIOUS WHAAAT WHY IS THERE A BLOOD ZOMBIEWHERE THE FUCK DID IT COME FROM ARTHURRRRRRR THIS HOUSE FUCKING SUCKS

wait i forgot thats how blood zombies work cellbit you fucker dont you dare did dante just try to hockey check the zombie joui doing an epic move nevermind this is not very friendly bea :( guyssssss you cant just keep her like this forever will she even go back to being not angry not to be that guy but even if you do manage to chain her up shes probably just gonna mutilate herself to get to you guys

doorways and hallways are the most dangerous enemies in ordem theres too many people climbing all over each other trigger discipline luciano????????????? joui you're so cool

thIS IS SO AWKWARD i just dont know if erin is the best person to be breaking this to fernando erin i dont know if you should be transcending right now but maybe this will be good for you

kaiser and erin got that energy like their parents know each other and wont stop talking in the aisle of a grocery store wait i forgot kaiser has that doll what is it FOR escolha..... WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK JOUI AND ERIN ARE GONNA KISS fernando, erin is the resident grenade and shotgun user she cant stay in the back

the longer they stay in this house the more i can see the actual players going crazy i love that joui's perfect series of events goes back to liz being alive hes so right got rolled by a door

do you think cellbit made the puzzles in this house like "these are kind of difficult but i think they can do it :)" and then dante is just forgetting to finish reading the damned diary and we've been stuck in this house for 4 episodes erin has the right idea blow it up LOL wait luciano is actually gonna let her

ARTHURRRRRRR so small its okay arthur you're a good person RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAA the arthur kaiser joui relationship making me violent

cellbit i dont like the face you made when fernando went to try and transcend sus DOLL ROOM wait i recognise this music wtf but the song im thinking of is from the calamidade soundtrack

EP 13 cory in the house theme song playing we're never leaving this house

o carente but its not really or maybe it is i dont actually know what the song is for in calamidade joui is not a fan of the doll room who is the eyeball who is the eyeball the drippy sound are the eyeballs the dolls god dammit kaiser at least arthur isnt looking joui vs a closet joui lost

is the eyeball related to death since its basically stealing time away from kaiser ill start fist fighting i still think the eyeball issue is connected specifically to kaiser and hes accidentally spreading it to other people but if thats true why can dante see them whats the connection GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH do they have to be told about it???? will lu and erin start seeing them now too

LIZ WOULD KNOW WHAT TO DO JOUI WAAAAAAAAAAA

cellbit doesnt believe in the power of the safari search engine someone needs to take luciano's gun away hes shooting everything

did daniel hartmann also write this book so glad we're reading the haunted doll book in the haunted doll room in the haunted house no way theres a portuguese test erin and dante dont know portuguese cursive writing defeats yet another player

hey can we figure out who cut the wires in the van thats yet another haunted house mystery unsolved WASHING MACHINE POG NEVERMIND 4 dolls 4 people that can see the eyesballs ive got it we have to sacrifice joui, arthur, dante, and kaiser portuguese defeats yet another player

THIS HOUSE IS IMPOSSIBLE do they have to take photos why is kaiser filling up the bathtub is he gonna take a bath erin's lighting incense to try and make the house smell nicer dante was climbing boxes eu sou luciano what the hell are joui and dante even doing

voce é um gênio arthur!!!! eu sei :))) JOUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII kaiser dont let arthur in that bathroom ??????? huge brain moment kaiser hang on hes about to fucking drown no way arthur is coming to rescue him alright nobody's allowed near water by themselves anymore what the fuck was that

whaAAAAAT thats crazy anyways jouixarthur?? also happy pride month FOUR DOLLS POGGGGGGGGG erin's not allowed to open any doors if she has to roll a sanity test she'll explode english jumpscare i can hear the drippinggggg

going off the name of the song from calamidade im going to assume all the ghost kids just want a hug and then we can leave no problem :) none of these people have ever talked to a kid in their lives wait the emo kid from across the street??? goth is a lifestyle joui

ah nao we're about to go kidnap the goth kid from across the street luciano might just be the absolute worst person to go and talk to some kid send arthur and joui they are by far the friendliest ?????????????? what do you mean luciano what do you MEAN erin also a good choice shes friendly happy pride month the chair moves incredible

please stop comparing your abs please im begging you stop please por favor pare por favor eu vou morrer guys you cant just bring this kid into the haunted house with luciano shirtless thank god

is this joui's first date this is horrific joui you're soooo this is going incredibly poorly already where are these kids parents cellbit playing three believable NPCs at once is so fun omg Hugo the little brother is MISSING??? joui dont threaten the 16 year old omg Hugo so small manga and snacks thats all he needs joui HATES teenagers joui is so cool to hugo

dante and luciano absolutely RUINING their cover guysssss you're scaring the 15 year olds DAMN JOUI absolutely rolled luciano amigos imaginarios.... bruxo...... hugo about to be kaiser and arthur's new lil bro dante HATES teenagers maybe tim is hiding in the washing machine actually maybe hes in the doll closet bro tim is 11??? they made it sound like hes 5

nevermind ive got it tim is hiding in the coffin tim better not be in the van theres a bea in it why the fudge is this kid in the van :(

im well aware that theres a monster in some season thats called the imaginary friend so tim is making me awfully nervous jesus christ do eduarda's parents know she can do this anyways horrible feeling one of these kids is gonna get possessed and they'll have to fight it

music picking up uh ohhhhh luciano listen i get it i also think they should kill not-dead-bea but this isnt a conversation you should be having with 4 kids in the room tim is one of you imaginary friends in the room with us

dont worry guys ive got it kian is currently possessing tim thats the solution ok the neighbour is kian ive got it for sure kian is everywhere hes in the sofa in the sink in your shoes kian is the neighbours dog ive got it all figured out INTERIOR DESIGN

if i read assombração forçada literally it definitely doesnt sound like a good thing wtf is a forced haunting kian sabe.... are we talking like they took all these live kids and made them possessed or something are there a bunch of kids buried under the house joui's having a brain blast alright ive got it all figured out for sure for real kian is being passed around to different kids bodies so that he never dies thats the solution KIAN IS OROCHIMARU LOLLLLL

dante i think you need to admit that some of your friends from the orphange are all fucked up now and have done really bad things

CATS KIAN IS A CAT IVE FIGURED IT OUT KIAN IS JENNIFER ooooooooooooooo arthurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr WAAAAAAAAA OW???? OUCHIES voce ta bem??? CLARO QUE NAO joui needs a rabies shot now cellbit if you hurt hugo im gonna be really upset ????????????????

daniel hartmann you motherfucker guiltiest man once alive and you deserve it what the hell was wrong with you

EP 14 MUITO BOA NOITE

erin with 21 sanity really doing well for herself the real boss of the house is the handwriting in these notes luciano and dante are getting rolled we still haven't unlocked that stupid laptop thats kinda awkward daniel has a whole fanbase waiting for a new book but he got chomped in half

someone get hugo away from the blood pile hes gonna start trying to steal some jennifer isnt like.... infecting them is she dante if the teenagers think you're cool then you are so cool cassiano probably wants your autograph wait so its not the cat ok ive got it the cat is obviously trying to protect them from the monster jennifer would never hurt anyone

kaiser is accidentally infecting everyone with the eyesballs somehow i know it we keep talking about time sus sus sus sus sus sus

ok ive read the last three paragraphs many many times and all ive gathered is this monster is following jennifer but it realised kaiser is super hot so now it wants to kiss him and also all of kaiser's friends and also ivete so the solution is kaiser and arthur take a nap while everyone hides and watches

ordem paranormal sleepover if theres only 16 cat eyes then that means one of the cats (JENNIFER) escaped idk about this one dante noooo arthur im sure jennifer isnt evil she just has an imaginary friend following her around and it wants to eat your face joui i dont know about this one 18 cat eyes jennifer is NOT haunted

joui quit being a bitch you're only carrying a drawer full of eyesballs what if we try to burn only 1 eyeball dante and kaiser defeat the singular eyeball joui burns the eyeballs this surely wont have a negative affect

o game cheiro LMAOO i cant stop thinking about the game cheiro now

i have the solution dante should sit ON TOP of the wardrobe then he can jump whatever comes out of it oh my god i thought cellbit was roleplaying someone muffled screaming but its arthur's phone ringing ivete :) wait doesnt ivete have the possibly haunted jennifer with her ARTHUR TELL IVETE TO TELL SOMEONE YOUR VAN IS FUCKED YOU GUYS ARE STRANDED

are we bringing ivete to the haunted house idk about this one guys joui wants his bow so bad WHAT WHAT WHAAAAAAAT YOU SAW WHAT IVETE YOU SAw wghaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAT YOU SAW HUH WHAT THE FUCK GUYSSSSSS the girls are fighting again o dear kaiser fernando this is really a horrible time to show up

ivete is here i have anxiety do we really bring jennifer in the house tho do we really bring ivete in the house tho aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa joui i love you you're such a little loser just let him hold the shotgun for 5 minutes nobody in the call trusts cellbit with jennifer IM SO WORRIED listen if i have to pick between ivete and jennifer i pick ivete every time please dont murder her cellbit

we're at the point where they're just threatening cellbit this is like the absolute worst thing i could be watching at 3:30 right before bed what the hell NOBODY HEARS ANYTHING cellbit's having the time of his life KAISER GETS UP???? WHAT HTHE FUCK IS THAAAAT THATS BEEN HAUNTING JENNIFER???????????? THATS BEEN HAUNTING KAISER AND ARTHUR AND IVETE????? DANIEL HARTMANN YOU ASSHOLE

cellbit it so hyped for this im so afraid wow what a nice heal dante oooooo erin using her energy kaiser was not ready if they let this thing escape im gonna wait they're bullying it ???????? QUE FODA IS RIGHT AI WAIT ARTHUR HAS 4 HP luciano remembers everything??????? we leave kaiser alone with fingers and not-kaiser okay OUCH NOT-ARTHUR IS CRAZY WITH IT REAL ARTHUR IS ALSO CRAZY WITH IT kaiser is getting rolled all because he took a nap DANTE CANT HIT SHITTTTT cellbit you YOUUUU 'isnt kaiser one of your important people?" youuuuuuuuuuu

joui stop getting shot by kaiser challenge failed 12 DAMAGE??? DANTE WITH ONE HEAL EARLIER porra ivete minha querida ???????????????????????????????????????????????????? erin. JOUIIIIII we're all failing everything today ivete is fucking nasty with it IVETTTEEEEE PLEEEASE KILL KAISER 2 cellbit you're gonna have to drag ivete out of guaxi's cold dead hands KAISER IS SO SLEEPY kaiser failing EVERYTHING kaiser 2 is fucking CRAZY HES SO STRONG HES IN THE MATRIX arthur rolled a one im gonna lose my brain my mind its all crumbling to dust kaiser rolled a 1 cellbit what the fuck

ivete putting in work FRAKAISER joui you arent allowed in the kaiser 2 fight you already lost dante a true healer about to start beating his patients to near death aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAA luciano just demolished kaiser 2 HES STILL ALIVE???? NEVERMIND LETS GOOOO joui has broken free of his hallway prison kaiser killsteal

kaiser and arthur taking a little nap joui going to treat ivete :))))))))) no matter how many times cellbit tries to explain first aid it will never not be confusing jennifer i knew you werent evil just haunted sick tattoo arthur but im not really feeling it theres still ghosts up in here

EPISODE FIFTEEEEEEEN i have a bad feeling that if erin dies im going to be really sad how has this happened i kind of love her

kaisers taking a nap onnnnnn the floor arthur hugging im grthgbfdsahvgkjbldsav damn luciano straight to the point at least its a cool looking tattoo arthur tries to transcend with the tattoo and he just explodes oh kaiser is just laying on the ground with the espreitador

still cant get over the fact that daniel hartmann made this thing dude if i was him and i made these kinds of creatures without fully realizing i would also feel horrible

the doll face is kind of horrible get it away joui kaiser doesnt need more drugs he needs bedtime hes gonna have a heart attack "foi legal" ok mister i got shot in the chest OOP? KAISER AND JOUIIIIIIIIIIIII AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA this is so 'dante can you grab my shirt from the floor?'

ERIN CAN FIX THE VANNNNNNNN bea is still in the van danteeee you gotta do something about this erin you are so cool you fix that van you can do anything THE PIZZAS who the fuck stole a slice ivete payed for those erin why are you grinning like that VAN FIXED ERIN I LOVE YOU EVEN IF YOU ATE A SLICE OF PIZZA

the most van ride ever the sleeping passengers the bea the pizza mystery erin's about to crash the car because of the cheese bread this is gonna be so awkward when they get to the base SO awkward

fuck you kaiser you are a good person when bea was trying to kill you guys you didnt even try to hurt her IVETE I LOVE YOUUUUU WAAAAAAAAAAA bro ivete is actually gonna make me cry wtf health regen humungous we deserve this kaiser with the xqc sticc body type what are the odds that when dante tries to look into bea's mind its just screaming and agony verissimo is missing okaay

I LOVE ERIN erinnnnn you're breaking this in the worst way possible they dont know tristan is deaaaaad kalera is so cool dude

WHAT DO YOU MEAN MARCELA IS MATHEUS' MOM THERES THREE PEOPLE IN THIS CALL THAT JUST STRAIGHT UP BULLIED HIM flashback to alex sneaking matheus a note and the kid just reading it out loud

btw im still obsessed with how they say "hugo" in a brazillian accent thats amazing all hugo should be said like that

clarissa is here this is really awkward are you gonna tell her kaiser orrr oof

"HOW ARE YOU FEELING ARTHUR?" kaiser asks while punching him

cellbit stop smiling when you ask if dante is ready to hear bea's thoughts stop it nvm he sent it to break evil mestre

well i wasnt wrong WHOA WHOA WHA get dante outta there what the hell fuck thats :(

that was horrific kaiser theres alot of people locked up in the base prison joui wants to meditate with kaiser sooooo bad if anyone offered to meditate with him he might cry i fucking love tetris

>:( :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

dante is in unconscious jail OH JOUI thats so awkward you understand what has to be done arthur is TWENTY EIGHT hes so young thats fucked up you stole his whole family from him hes still in his twenties MY BODY IS A TEMPLE

oh. that sucks joui you wouldnt hit a blind man would you

this is so awkward for everyone else living in the ordem prison that can hear this i just think we dont go back to the orphanage?????? that place sucks???? kaiser about to gain the ritual of turning someone into a puppet kaiser thinks omitting details and lying are two different things very interesting surveillance ritual

damn ordem makes me want to punch my monitor

wait DAMN OH SHIT i didnt even realiese until kaiser fucking said something just now but they ARE listening and watching from the symbol tattoed on arthur thats fucked if i had to guess its the sect of masks that did it???? to watch joui?? but strange that the doll face with the same symbol was in the mansion unless the house and the sect of masks are connected somehow

i feel like its better to tell arthur, like who cares if the people listening know, itll be easier to hide shit if arthur understands .... the neighbours? im telling you the neighbour's dog is secretly kian

im a big fan of pizza thats been sitting out for too long thats my toxic trait erin rich as heck we wouldnt make dante sleep on the floor would we hes kind of depressed right now JOUI damn joui they're making dante breakfast and everything kaiser you're being a freak .....we havent heard from grandma in a while

jouiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii u stay here u little

EPISODE 16 WOOOOOOOOO the kaiser thumbnail is wicked

we live in a world where someone or something has definitely gone and dug up bea's body but thats just my opinion

"hm" JOUIIIIIIIIIII JUST HAVE A SLEEPOVER WITH ARTHUR E KAISER "of course, you slept with dante" JOUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII kaiser is too smart brain too big

ooooooo agathinha foi mal is right arthur's fucking giggle bro stop agatha so mad he got a tattoo without her maybe we ask joui for advice before trying to remove the tattoo "can you hold my hand" arthur makes me want to punch my monitor 11 DAMAGE LOOOL

CARALHO TÁ MUITO FODA joui's so mad hes transcending

they're gonna get back to the house and the kids wandering around it

the computer guys are so funny i think if you turn on an actual light in their room they'll all shrivel up and die letícia is nice but if a strong wind comes she will blow away into dust

to be clear i would steal from the ordem just to see what would happen missed opportunity to see ivete go on a manhunt for who stole her supplies fernando SUCKS at pool joui you're such a little loser i love you kaiser you have to teach arthur how to actually play tetris he doesnt get it

we back in canada baby get the poutine i just noticed the name of this episode :)))))))))) its my favourite ordem song you dont understand

THE OLD PEOPLE DIIIIEDDDD KIAN THE DOG KILLED THEM AND STOLE THEIR BODIES fresta amongus no way we were talking to ghosts bro they ate ghost cake erin's mask is awesome the knowledge and energy guys were kissing in here aren't they supposed to hate each other when did luciano get here

guys kaiser is going through a crisis he's trying to change himself for the better but hes really self conscious about it

HUUUUGGOOOOO hugo dont add random adults on whatsapp even if they like g-force joui would fight a teenager if their name was cassiano

mmmmmmm coffin soup aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa naaaaaaaaaaao lodo preto burn it burn it burn it burn it tchau lodo preto nevermind nevermind nevermind tchau lodo preto arthur dont fucking touch it ...espiral escape room mestre THE PASSWORD IS KIAN THE PASSWORD IS KIAN dammit the password is olho the password is olho

joui you get away from that spiral corpse THE PASSWORD IS HUGO the password is door 4 students desks amongus the password is four the blackboard is haunted haunted chiclete

wowie sheet music if they zoom in on it more i could read it wait thats THE SONG THATS THE BEST SONG some death guy about to come punch them all

i feel like ive lost the plot i need someone to summarize leonardo gomes for me, we think he's kian right??? like his body is kian and we're trying to track leo down to find kian because theyre the same person technically right if not then im watching an entire different show lmao

bmail musicinha if fernando gets fucked up like bea did does the same thing happen to luciano since they share a body or not because they dont really share a mind

its a familiar song to joui... to be clear this is the best song ever dangerous song ?????? cellbit you stop that play the song again joui its so good i dont care if its sending us to hell or whatever

it is boa cellbit fuck you if this song sends you into a coma im screwed oop oop oop oop THAT THING IS AWESOME WHAT THE HELL WICKED COOL SO COOL death has the best monsters

eu fracassei 24 damage is crazy what the hell ah nao she just started the monsters second phase joui get the fuck outta the way erin's demolishing this guy arthur's nice with it luciano playing the drums joui that was so cool theyre bullying this dude

I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHATS ON THE LAPTOPPPPPPP

stepped on a lego normal kids room with a summoning symbol in it wait havent we heard if tirigan before TIM'S IMAGINARY FRIEND?? thats not good your imaginary friend should not be friends with other people ooooo arthur so smart liz would be so proud JOUI SAID IT TOO WAAAA

????????????????????????????????????????????????? alvaro was all over the place also CRAZY that alex doesnt get noticed in this paper dudes so unlucky even in death number 1 alvaro augusto hater btw what a guy

LOL THE SKULL luciano how did you not break it into 1 million pieces no way the body were we supposed to burn this thing plEASE DONT THROW A GRENADE TOWARDS KAISERRRRR this song is so good ill actually never get over it joui is escaping the hallway very smart hallways and doorways very dangerous kaiser about to chuck himself down the stairs

joui not jealous joui never jealous someone should touch the sludge for fun they're gonna have to fight the corpse a third time but now it'll deal burn damage erin almost died on the stairs

LAPTOPPPPPPPPPPPP POGGGGGGGGGGG WE MADE ITTTTTT WINDOWS XP UH OH THAT NOTEPAD DOESNT LOOK TOO GOOD anyways my favourite element is death kaiser wanted to hack the email so bad we really moved into a haunted house and THEN adopted a child not what i would do but whatever

'good luck surviving until then' okay buddy dude this guy doesnt stay away THERES MORE are these the dead kids ISNT GRENADE THREE THE DESASTRE ROLL JUST WONDERING JUST CURIOUS erin is these guys' worst nightmare he rolled a 1 against her how sad AI JOUI FUCKIN SLIPPED OR SEOMTHING HIS INSIDES ARE GETTING TOSSED LIKE A SALAD arthur and fernando jamming out who even cares about death skeletons

luciano fucking sucks at playing the guitar foda demais ITS OUTSIIIIDE ARE THE KIDS ACROSS THE STREET SEEING THIS SHIT HUGO LOOK OUT THE WINDOW wwe superstar luciano hitting a frog splash

joui and erin you two are so lame together i say lovingly joui is not jealous at all ever about any attention that arthur gives to anyone else JOUI THATS SO RUDE KKKK DONT JUDGE HER 3 WORDS SHE KNOWS IN JAPANESE

carro chegando who the fuck is here go away this house is haunted as heck off topic but eita is such a good word IVETE GO HOME WHATS WRONG WITH YOU oh she's dante's uber driver

EP 17 tamo junto

dante you missed the party cool sunglasses tho someone should probably keep an eye on dante so he doesnt take a tumble down the stairs yes ivete please leave the haunted house probably wants to eat you WAAAAA I WAS RIGHT I WAS RIGHT THEY STOLE BEA'S BODY was it gal or the mask guys tho gal is more connected to the orphanage and also hes A FUCKING ASSHOLE

ghost footprints kaiser's never seen a shoe in his life arthur making sure dante doesnt take a tumble down the stairs joui also but im pretty sure hes just being jealous again not the bathroom again :DDDDD

fresta amongus "what do you do?" i shut the door and leave the house get a nice minimum wage job and forget i ever worked for the ordem nevermind i run in and try to grab the book out of her hands to see what happens "ghosts dont exist" okay joui jesussss what ythr fuck

really like how even tho dante is blind now he can still use any ritual he needs to, he doesnt just get written off as useless

maybe the book they need is the BIBLE nevermind daniel you fucker wait that could be such a good idea, turn the water main off, turn on all the taps, and then turn the water main back on no problem no drowning

joui sus joui what were you planning last night sus joui where are you going sus joui why are you the thumbnail for this episode sus joui why have you been so weird since the sect of masks incident sus happy pride month

erin thats fucking creepy this house is a mess are we gonna be cleaning it after this is all over succ stop laughing at cellbit's succ rp WE GET TO SWIM NEVERMIND THE POOL WATER IS NASTY no way we walk up to the pool this is how the entire group dies bro surely the kids across the street are seeing this shit

hello i have a terrible fear of drowning and deep water this is awful THAT THING IS COOL SHES GOOEY 'only kaiser can shoot me' you stop that bullying the pool woman ??????dante OW???? JOUI???? jou you are so in the way is there any way you can move slightly to the left thats horrific luciano how is she still aliiiive mmmmm tripas dante you are just so far away nvm you are now much closer joui is getting ROLLED OH YEAH LUCIANO IS DROWNING KAISER IS BEING SMOTHERED

they're getting absolutely demolished by a swimming pool why does this woman have so much HEALTH DANTEEEE NAAAAAO LMAOOOOOOO LUCIANO IS FUCKING DYINGGGGG

what is this scenario cellbit has created were they supposed to go outside and fist fight the pool because this is going so so so badly was there a better way to go about it YEAAAAAH ARTHURRRRRR

LUCIANO ATE THE FUCKING KEY THEYRE ALL PUKINGGGG

"whispers??????? jouiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii THE KIDS WERE WATCHING YESSSSSSS arthur heal steal this house is a horrible mess what do they actually do with once finished

IS THIS THE LAST DOOOOOOOR ARE WE FINALLY GETTING INNNNN i forgot dante is blind this room is awesome

oooo this kid was pissed WHOA WHOA LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO THATS CRAZYYYYYYY yum blood symbol hate those guys arthur just breathed into kaiser's ear we're not gonna go bother this random guy are we the skate doesnt have a symbol how uncool i want to transcend with the skate

arthur, joui, and kaiser are DISGUSTING together i love them happy............... pride.................... month...................

:) im smiling through the pain joui you stop this you arent going anywhere they should just go smoke some of the weed in the living room next time joui goes to pee the sect of masks are gonna crawl out the toilet and kidnap him

kaiser's nicotine withdrawal is actually just a cover because hes afraid of losing another person hes close to but its okay ill just believe hes really mad about having to buy more cigarettes

why do you say that like you know you have no choice on if luciano allows you to come back or not fernando im gonna break something

we're gonna go ruin this random guy's life arthur if you werent driving this could be a three way hug its impossible for us to have to fight two haunted apartments in one season

fourth floor.... simply i would not answer the door if there were 6 random people standing outside it ooooooooooooooo joui i dont think frederico wants to relive this guyssss hes freaking out maybe we should have brought him some water or a snack

i think frederico needs to find a new therapist probably one that works for the ordem lmao i thought kaiser was gonna start raiding his kitchen we just showed up at this guy's house, ruined his day, and left kian sabe OQ QUE O KIAN SABE no way we're actually leaving someone rob his house or something

sus the whispers also want to stop at a drive thru equipe e WAAAAAAAAA ...this music is...nice rakin staring suspiciously at cellbit is me rn

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

what the fuck

EPISODE 18 what the fuck

what the fuck

luis talking about an osnf fancam where am i

im so sad but this intro slaps every time THERES JOUI HES IN THE INTRO WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

who is tirigan also isnt the house still haunted

wow i wonder who left this note gfmnksbonçfjksbgrtfsnkjvgbjifostbgpgnfbsjgfs im fine

大丈夫

AGATHAAAAAAAA new csgo knife skin just dropped RITUAL STORE IS AWESOME if joui was here he would be so mad he would also buy something out of spite QUE FODA too bad its not the skate

o violão de ódio incontrolável sounds awesome 44% paranormal exposure kinda nuts arthur kinda crazy kinda know alot arthur glow up next enemy they meet he's gonna bulldoze them dante kinda tense maybe go sit in the sun for a bit absorb the energy

MATH money is difficult you have so much but then you buy 2 things and suddenly you have none kaiser hates shopping i would also buy the spiral ring you can do it fernando i believe in you

wait hes actually doing it pop off fernando you earned this nvm you're still giving it to luciano but at least the other side doesn't hate your ass anymore

i stopped this episode for a whole week because i was so sad about joui where am i who am i i love agatha

i would collect healing rituals like pokemon cards are there occultists selling rituals on ebay we are all so paranormally exposed but how far can you go before it starts to become not such a good thing bea's brain became alphabet soup sooo

WHERE IS YOUR GRANDMA ERIN IS SHE A HACKER IS SHE DEAD IS SHE A ZUMBI DE SANGUE is she kian kian sabe kian out here sleeping with your grandma erin did you know that

question can i use someone else to transcend and learn a ritual like if i drag arthur into the circle and try to transcend with his tattoo do i learn that same ritual also does arthur explode if this happens

to be clear if you could steal a ritual off of Agatha she would either kill and dismember you OR start loading you up with as many rituals as possible just to see what would happen "take this one and this one and this one and-"

agatha and arthur make me want to punch my monitor oh :( agatha :( what are we even talking about bolo de coco ive lost the plot

kian body hopping like orochimaru he'd better not have a thing for snakes arthur doesn't know shit

reading is HARD if you kill kian's body does he swoop into the next one is there a curse mark that he puts on prospective bodies to use once he loses one do you know who else does that

wow i sure do understand this journal perfectly thanks arnaldo fritz but actually the last page hes translating the STONE and its talking about the elements i know this because i can read HUGO????? hugo just stopped my train of thought completely one of the kids is possesed its tim isnt it tim are you housing kian in your soul

HUGOOOOOOOOOOOOO NAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOO cellbit said you guys are taking too long so this kid is gonna get it joui is hiding in the fridge like a freak

COMO NAO VELHO no illegal weapon modifications allowed i like how cellbit always has to reassure them that they wont get in a car crash unless they roll a 1 they're so afraid

poggers neblina poggers névoa not poggers sangue awkward not to be that guy but the guard is gonna turn into a blood zombie i dont like this song if that one fucker is here im gonna where hugo where hugo where hugo this is not a public bus go away

nvm the car crash fears have been realized oooooooo were leaving the van idk about this one guys occultists hate canada naaaao this freak maybe he's just taking his dog for a walk LMAAAAAAOOOO this guy monologuing and kaiser just 'what the fuck are you even talking about'

this thing is about to ruin everyone's lives wait hes so cool we're so dead HIS CHARACTER MODEL IS COOOOOL TEN DAMAGE :DDDDDDDDDDDDD dante just ruined this guy's life so smart water beats fire or something OW OUCH OW RUINED KAISER'S LIFE HIS DAY HIS FACE luciano idk about getting closer to that guy

i wonder what the inside of the enpap's mind sounds like slapped erin and kaiser the fuck outta the way HE LOVES IT luciano this is so awkward for you this guy's favourite movie is the terminator

wait so was that mark put on arthur originally by gal because how else would this guy know that they had been here

erinnnnnnn just got bulldozed ARTHUR YOU SUCK THAT WAS THE WORST BUT I LOVE YOU ANYWAYS KAISER GFUCKING ATE THOSE HITS if you kill the enpap and it falls on kaiser its gonna squash him like bread "é o kaiser" kaiser is busy dying fuck you his lungs look like a wet towel right now wow erin that was so nice but also you have 2 health

we all suck at dodging KAISERRRRR ERINNNNNNNNNNNN dante doesnt know what the hell is going on btw enpap smol NVM DANTE ACTUALLY RUINED THIS GUY'S LIFE

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD leave kaiser alone "im going to take care of kaiser" kaiser is getting kidnapped right now im gonna im gonna gimgf njgtbtrnsdfov fdeajvrfgfdxhb trsevlfd sbvhgutfirodsbgngjfskblnbjgfskibo

arthurrrrrrrGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAA bruno you bitch thats your friend hello hello hello am i crazy hello can we leave kaiser alone hello

fucking hell i need like 10 minutes after that

clara is fucking nuts also where did she come from i wasnt looking i was in great distress EH?mommy hey where are the kids from across the street so bea had the answers but because of kian and birds we lost it HOW'S THIS GUY ALIVE luis is so mad damn clara that sucks this guy is nuts :D

wait this song is awesome luciano fuck him up you wanted this so bad nvm you missed he's doing knife tricks

marca um símbolo oh no :) personally i wouldnt step in front of a dante that's aiming a gun bruno sneezed when he swung at the guy nice luciano um ouch how nice how cool i hate the blood element btw this guy is the WhySoSerious emote

punch him in the mouth nice luciano nvm you got fucked up maybe you should sit the rest of this fight out buddy draws a symbol on himself bro's about to pull a hidan hopefully nobody here is asuma

so can we heal over these marks so he cant use them orrrrrr UNDER THE FRIDGE?? we gotta start moving fridges in every house now

so glad we're back in the house also where are the neighbour kids huh what did you do with them cellbit we made ramen next to this fridge and everything never realized there was a basement underneath

'meu enpapzinho meu filho' ok cellbit

EPISODE 19 cadê o hugo

this is like a field trip everyone gets a nametag so mestre doesn't lose them

this song makes me feel so knowledgeable it only took me 2 tries to spell that what if bruno tripped and fell farther into the hall that would suck hihihihihihihi

maybe we don't let bruno grab any more papers KKKKK uh ohh....

god dammit guys we all got locked out ??????? impossível ser what succal?????? this thing about to kiss dante or what can we not just shoot this one anthony is making it sound like we cant just kill her is she the key

big group in a hallway this is going to be horrible wild choice to wade in the disease water someone's going to get a parasite are there mosquitos down here have we had our vaccines

?????????????????????? THAT SUCKS BRUNO THAT SUCKS THATS HORRIBLE i would fall over and die pretty sure luciano just saved all their asses cachorro de sangue WOOF WOOF

these knowledge guys are kinda crazy how are the hypnotized death guys somehow the most sane ones in the series so far Ike arent you cold down here without a shirt kaiser rolls a 1 great start bruno fofo dont die tho BRUNO???? THAt WAS THE WORST ATTACK EVER KKKKKK OW KAISER LOL ike went and took all of kaiser's luck with shooting

erin flanking she's playing valorant ???????? ?????? ????????? ??????? ???? ????????? ???????? can we all keep our clothes on in the hunted sewers please bruno i have the solution just kick ike in the knee you're right there wait hes actually trying to kick his knee in thats awesome

surely they dont have to fight bruno later at the end of this dungeon

arthur doesnt miss except when he does

no way why are the children in the knowledge sewer why cant 6 people walk as quietly as 1 why cant we walk on our tippy toes HUGO THATS A SICK GAMING ROOM HUGO WHO IS YOUR FRIEND IN THE GAMING ROOM STOP TALKING TO STRANGERS

HUUUUUUGOOOO WHYYYYY this is the coolest thing that's ever happened to hugo luciano hugo cant pause he's playing an online game wait his name does say lucifer thats awesome so smart dante if hugo dies in the game he dies in real life

hi mia this is a really bad time like a really bad time like you couldn't have picked a worse time 4 d6 is insane hugo i love you omg kaiser and hugo gaming together this is just a game cellbit would actually play

is anyone writing down the directions kaiser is going this could be important rakin looks so suspicious of this game the enemies are about to come crawling out the screen succal you're ruining the gamer vibes OW goodbye sanity

tirigan, the last living escripta?????????????? until kian grows enough?????? TIM IS KIAN TIM ISNT TIRIGAN YOUR IMAGINARY FRIEND tirigan is tim's imaginary friend right im not mixing this up i cant just go to the wiki and look and i dont feel like going back to episode whatever to check i could be very wrong

nvm i went back to check and tim is talking about tirigan dude kian is possessing his body mega sus shelf why they have all these pictures why they have cris and daniel and IS THAT ALEX FROM SEASON 1 LOLLLL

ERINS GRANDMA IS ALIVE SHES A HACKER FOR THE BAD GUYS WHY ISNT TRISTAN'S FACE SCRATCHED OUT thiago :( all these ordem members but not veríssimo am i wrong for not trusting him tristan's head got opened like a hotdog bun hes not alive

o anfitrião....

i changed my mind kian is erin's grandma maybe these are all the bodies kian wants to save so he can just hop between them when he needs to after they die idk what you're gonna do with daniel tho he kinda got ate

check behind liz's picture or else please check alex's photo i have the solution erin's grandma is the host UE????????? meu deus we suck at this puzzle damn they really stole fernando's body kinda messed up kinda :( bit aggressive luciano but you've earned it

LOLLLL KAISER THATS FUICKED UP HUUUUGOOOOOOOOOO

19 SANITY arthur you just saved hugo's small teenager brain did they kidnap erin's grandma or did she trip and fall into a chaos lair and become imbued with the power of chaos

can we burn alvaro's body not because he might be haunted or anything but just because he's an asshole DONT PANIC DONT PANIC DONT PANIC THEYRE LOST HLEP HELP haunted shelf

wait i love the emo knowledge duo nvm they're being kinda rude nice one kaiser awesome roll ritual of hate on bruno.... :D erin i wouldnt get in his line of sight dante see nothing LOL HUGO get away from here kish is getting rolled not to be that guy but i think we should be focusing erica

oh no that was her best friend sorry erica LOLLLLLL KAISER RUNNNNN ARTHURRRR NAAAAOOO erin back up erin back up cellbit rolling 1000 dice for bruno's attack OW BRUNO bruno this is really awkward you just fucked kaiser up

no arthur it was a great idea everyone just decided to just hang out around the pissed off bruno

erin vs ammo btw wheres tim wow i understand that paper perfectly the succal is crazy with it WE'RE LOST not lost massive puzzle moment we are puzzling daniel's ass should go on a statue that's called "guilt"

YEAH EDUARDA WHERE IS TIM they're gonna open the door and there's going to be an exorcism to separate kian from tim it's a shame bruno is a cellbit npc so he's probably going to die horribly

can we just kill this anthony guy already i dont like him

gal is the last person tim should be hanging out with

the succ+ is strong against both metagaming and grenades erin's about to go CRAZY NICE DAMAGE ARTHUR NICE isnt knowledge good against energy can we read it a book ive figured it out erin's grandma is the succ+

erin if your gonna go mad at least go try to take anthony out with you

ERIN ROLLS A 1 THATS CRAZYYYYYYYYYYY

dante hates the energy woman he hates the succ++ wtf

erin... :D what :D no way anthony is still alive can someone go kill him THANK YOU LUCIANO kaiser hes so dead his brain is goo oops lucifer and erin are kind of friends arent they

arthur and kaiser paranormal exposure makes me kinda nervous :D go roll around on the symbol on the ground see what happens

kalera you're so cool

erin's still in the ending credits its not over till its over

EP 20 I JUST WANT TO SEE KIAN COME CRAWLING OUT OF TIM'S CORPSE

its been so long

rakin can you actually see luis actually getting to cosplay this time pop off bro just dont die im mentally prepared for erin to become dust

arthur and kaiser kinda matching kinda cute kinda wish joui was here to match with them :)))))))))))))

[lil-swimmy-swag]

I got a printer a friend on here gave me and it is literally the bane of my existence. Every time I try to use it it's some new complication I have to download something for it to work with my laptop or phone and it's still never enough. When I find out how to use it it'll change what it wants me to do next time. "Sorry you guys update that program you downloaded" "sorry you guys sign up for a new thing cos that last app isn't going to be used anymore." Then recently it just doesn't grab the paper to start printing it. At this point it sleeps under my bed like a monster. Eventually we'll cast it away or destroy them for the pain they caused. Never take a free HP printer y'all.

stumbled across some of my printer opinions that i don't recall writing but am correct about

[mostlysignssomeportents]

A sexy, skinny defeat device for your HP ink cartridge

Animals keep evolving into crabs; it's a process called "carcinisation" and it's pretty weird. Crabs just turn out to be extremely evolutionarily fit for our current environment:

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-do-animals-keep-evolving-into-crabs/

By the same token, all kinds of business keep evolving into something like a printer company. It turns out that in this enshittified, poorly regulated, rentier-friendly world, the parasitic, inkjet business model is extremely adaptive. Printerinisation is everywhere.

All that stuff you hate about your car? Trapping you into using their mechanics, spying on you, planned obsolescence? All lifted from the inkjet printer business model:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/24/rent-to-pwn/#kitt-is-a-demon

That GE fridge that won't make ice or dispense water unless you spend $50 for a proprietary charcoal filter instead of using a $10 generic? Pure printerism:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/06/12/digital-feudalism/#filtergate

The software update to your Sonos speakers that makes them half as useful and takes away your right to play your stored music, forcing you to buy streaming music subscriptions? Straight out of the HP playbook:

https://www.wired.com/story/sonos-admits-its-recent-app-update-was-a-colossal-mistake/

But as printerinized as all these gadgets are, none can quite attain the level of high enshittification that the OG inkjet bastards attain on a daily basis. In the world championships of effortlessly authentic fuckery, no one can lay a glove on the sociopathic monsters of HP.

For example: when HP wanted to soften us all up for a new world of "subscription ink" (where you have to pre-pay every month for a certain number of pages' worth of printing, which your printer enforces by spying on you and ratting you out to HP over the internet), they offered a "lifetime subscription" plan. With this "lifetime" plan, you paid just once and your HP printer would print out 15 pages a month for so long as you owned your printer, with HP shipping you new ink every time you ran low.

Well, eventually, HP got bored of not making you pay rent on your own fucking printer, so they just turned that plan off. Yeah, it was a lifetime plan, but the "lifetime" in question was the lifetime of HP's patience for not fucking you over, and that patience has the longevity of a mayfly:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/11/06/horrible-products/#inkwars

It would take many pages to list all of HP's sins here. This is a company that ships printers with half-full ink cartridges and charges more than the printer cost to buy a replacement set. The company that won't let you print a black-and-white page if you're out of yellow ink. The company that won't let you scan or send a fax if you're out of any of your ink.

They make you "recalibrate" your printer or "clean your heads" by forcing you to print sheets of ink-dense paper. They also refuse to let you use your ink cartridges after they "expire."

HP raised the price of ink to over $10,000 per gallon, then went to war against third-party ink cartridge makers, cartridge remanufacturers, and cartridge refillers. They added "security chips" to their cartridges whose job was to watch the ink levels in your cartridge and, when they dip below a certain level (long before the cartridge is actually empty), declare the cartridge to be dry and permanently out of use.

Even if you refill that cartridge, it will still declare itself to be empty to your printer, which will therefore refuse to print.

Third party ink companies have options here. One thing they could do is reverse-engineer the security chip, and make compatible ones that say, "Actually, I'm full." The problem with this is that laws like Section 1201 of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) potentially makes this into a felony punishable by a five-year prison sentence and a $500k fine, for a first offense.

DMCA 1201 bans bypassing "an effective means of access control" to a copyrighted work. So if HP writes a copyrighted "I'm empty" program for its security chip and then adds some kind of access restriction to prevent you from dumping and reverse-engineering that program, you can end up a felon, thanks to the DMCA.

Another countermove is to harvest security chips out of dead cartridges that have been sent overseas as e-waste (one consequence of HP's $10,000/gallon ink racket is that it generates mountains of immortal, toxic e-waste that mostly ends up poisoning poor countries in the global south). These can be integrated into new cartridges, or remanufactured ones.

In practice, ink companies do all of this and more, and total normie HP printer owners go to extremely improbable lengths to find third party ink cartridges and figure out how to use them. It turns out that even people who find technology tinkering intimidating or confusing or dull can be motivated to learn and practice a lot of esoteric tech stuff as an alternative to paying $10,000/gallon for colored water.

HP has lots of countermoves for this. One truly unhinged piece of fuckery is to ask Customs and Border Patrol to block third-party ink cartridges with genuine HP security chips that have been pried loose from e-waste shipments. HP claims that these are "counterfeits" (because they were removed and re-used without permission), even though they came out of real HP cartridges, and CBP takes them at their word, seizing shipments.

Even sleazier: HP pushes out fake security updates to its printers. You get a message telling you there's an urgent security update, you click OK, and your printer shows you a downloading/installing progress bar and reboots itself. As far as you can tell, nothing has changed. But these aren't "security" updates, they're updates that block third-party ink, and HP has designed them not to kick in for several months. That way, HP owners who get tricked into installing this downgrade don't raise hell online and warn everyone else until they've installed it too, and it's too late:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/11/ink-stained-wretches-battle-soul-digital-freedom-taking-place-inside-your-printer

This is the infectious pathogen business model: one reason covid spread so quickly was that people were infectious before they developed symptoms. That meant that the virus could spread before the spreader knew they had it. By adding a long fuse to its logic bomb, HP greatly increases the spread of its malware.

But life finds a way. $10,000/gallon ink is an irresistible target for tinkerers, security researchers and competitors. Necessity may be the mother of invention, but the true parent of jaw-dropping ingenuity is callous, sadistic greed. That's why America's army of prisoners are the source of so many of the most beautiful and exciting forms of innovation seen today:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/06/09/king-rat/#mother-of-invention

Despite harsh legal penalties and the vast resources of HP, third-party ink continues to thrive, and every time HP figures out how to block one technique, three even cooler ones pop up.

Last week, Jay Summet published a video tearing down a third-party ink cartridge compatible with an HP 61XL:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0ya184uaTE

The third-party cartridge has what appears to be a genuine HP security chip, but it is overlaid with a paper-thin, flexible, adhesive-backed circuit board that is skinny enough that the cartridge still fits in an HP printer.

This flexible circuit board has its own little microchip. Summet theorizes that it is designed to pass the "are you a real HP cartridge" challenge pass to the security chip, but to block the followup "are you empty or full?" message. When the printer issues that challenge, the "man in the middle" chip answers, "Oh, I'm definitely full."

In their writeup, Hackaday identifies the chip as "a single IC in a QFN package." This is just so clever and delightful:

https://hackaday.com/2024/09/28/man-in-the-middle-pcb-unlocks-hp-ink-cartridges/

Hackaday also notes that HP CEO Enrique J Lores recently threatened to brick any printer discovered to be using third-party ink:

https://arstechnica.com/gadgets/2024/01/hp-ceo-blocking-third-party-ink-from-printers-fights-viruses/

As William Gibson famously quipped, "the future is here, it's just not evenly distributed." As our enshittification-rich environment drives more and more companies to evolve into rent-seeking enterprises through printerinisation, HP offers us a glimpse of the horrors of the late enshittocene.

It's just as Orwell prophesied: "If you want a picture of the future, imagine a HP installing malware on your printer to force you to spend $10,000/gallon on ink – forever."

Tor Books as just published two new, free LITTLE BROTHER stories: VIGILANT, about creepy surveillance in distance education; and SPILL, about oil pipelines and indigenous landback.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/09/30/life-finds-a-way/#ink-stained-wretches

Image: Jay Summet https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0ya184uaTE

[techjackindia]

HP Service Center Jaipur Near Me for Printer and Laptop Repairs

Overview

Are you trying to find a nearby HP service facility in Jaipur for dependable and prompt printer or laptop repairs? Locating a reliable HP repair facility can save you time and frustration, regardless of the problem—hardware, software, or routine maintenance. Although Jaipur is a busy city with many possibilities, choosing the correct center is essential to guaranteeing high-quality repair and authentic HP parts.

Why Pick an HP Service Center with Authorization?

It's crucial to choose an approved HP service facility in Jaipur when looking for one nearby. Authorized service centers employ skilled experts, use authentic HP components, and adhere to established repair protocols. This maintains the validity of your HP warranty in addition to ensuring the longevity of your devices. By avoiding unapproved repairs, you can safeguard your data and guarantee that your HP laptop or printer operates at its best.

Services Provided in Jaipur's HP Service Centers

Numerous repair and maintenance services are available at the majority of HP service center jaipur near me. These include replacing the laptop's screen, fixing the keyboard, fixing printer cartridge problems, fixing motherboards, updating software, getting rid of viruses, and more. On-site repair visits are also provided by several facilities, particularly for business clients or bulk device maintenance.

Finding the Best HP Service Center in My Area in Jaipur

It can be difficult to find the closest service center that provides excellent service because Jaipur is a big city. Start by looking through internet reviews, comparing services and costs, and confirming the center's authorization status on HP's official website. To help you make an informed choice, you may search online for HP service centers in Jaipur near me. This will provide you with a list of centers along with their ratings, distance, phone numbers, and user reviews.

Regular Maintenance at HP Service Centers Offers Advantages

It's not just for when anything breaks that I'm looking for an HP service facility in Jaipur. Major problems later on can be avoided with routine maintenance and examinations at a qualified HP shop. In addition to cleaning internal components, updating drivers, and ensuring your laptop or printer is operating smoothly, technicians may identify and address early wear and tear. By being proactive, you may prolong the life of your equipment.

Assistance with Personal and Professional Needs

An authorized HP service center in my area can handle your particular repair and support requirements, regardless of whether you're a student, working professional, or business owner. To reduce downtime and maintain efficient operations, business clients can also receive specialized technical assistance, fast response times, and tailored service packages.

In conclusion

Locating a reputable HP service facility in my area guarantees that your printer or laptop problems will be resolved expertly using authentic parts and skilled experts. A trustworthy HP service center offers outstanding after-service assistance, speedy turnaround, and piece of mind for everything from minor issues to significant repairs. Don't worry the next time your device malfunctions; simply look for the closest HP service center in Jaipur to restore it to working order.

[howzitsa]

HP OfficeJet Pro 7720 Wide Format All-In-One Colour Printer Business-ready, professional-quality colour up to 29.7 x 42 cm (A3). Dynamic security-enabled printer. Only intended to be used with cartridges using an HP original chip. Cartridges using a non-HP chip may not work, and those that work today may not work in the future. Description: Easily print on a variety of paper sizes up to 29.7 x 42 cm (A3). Produce professional quality colour for up to 50% less cost per page than lasers on a printer that's ready for business. Ideal for small businesses that need professional quality prints up to 29.7 x 42 cm (A3) to dazzle clients, win business, and stay competitive. Features - Easily print a variety of business documents in sizes up to 29.7 x 42 cm (A3). Scan and copy up to legal size. - Print professional-quality colour brochures, flyers, posters and more for up to 50% lower cost per page than colour lasers. - Scan on the go, print from your smartphone, and easily order ink. Product Specifications Colour display: Y Control type: Touch Display: LCD Built-in display: Y Card reader integrated: N AC input frequency: 50/60 Cables included: AC Cartridge(s) included: Y Ethernet LAN: Y USB port: Y Scan technology: CIS Maximum scan area: 216 x 356 Scanner type: Flatbed & ADF scanner Scanning: Colour scanning Duplex copying: Y Duplex printing: Y Input colour depth: 24 Greyscale levels: 256 Fax resolution (black): 300 x 300 Auto document feeder (ADF): Y Country of origin: China Modem speed: 33.6 Copier resize: 25 - 400 Auto reduction: Y Time to first page (colour, normal): 10 Envelopes sizes: C5,C6,DL Paper input type: Paper tray JIS B-series sizes (B0...B9): B5 Standard interfaces: Ethernet,RJ-11,USB 2.0,Wireless LAN Fax transmission speed: 5 Print speed (colour, normal quality, A4/US Letter): 18 Distinctive ring: Y ID-card copy function: Y HP Photo Creations: Y Copy speed (black, draft, A4): 34 Copy speed (colour, draft, A4): 34 Duplex faxing: Y HP ePrint: Y Scan drivers: TWAIN Power consumption (standby): 6.02 HP dynamic security: Y Borderless printing: Y Speed dialling: Y Print speed (black, draft quality, A4/US Letter): 34 Print speed (colour, draft quality, A4/US Letter): 34 Duplex printing mode: Auto Print resolution colour: 4800 x 1200 Maximum number of copies: 99 Maximum copy resolution: 600 x 600 Touchscreen: Y Maximum internal memory: 512 Sustainability certificates: ENERGY STAR Energy Star Typical Electricity Consumption (TEC): 0.398 HP Software provided: HP Printer Software, Google Toolbar, HP Update Fax memory: 100 Auto-redialing: Y Fax forwarding: Y Fax resolution (colour): 200 x 200 TWAIN version: 1.9 Document formats supported: PDF Fax delayed sending: Y ISO C-series sizes (C0...C9): C5,C6 RJ-11 ports quantity: 1 Wi-Fi standards: 802.11b,802.11g,Wi-Fi 4 (802.11n) Printing colours: Black,Cyan,Magenta,Yellow Digital sender: Y All-In-One-multitasking: Y Maximum number of input trays: 1 Package width: 677 Weight: 15500 Package weight: 19500 Package height: 408 Package depth: 495 Storage temperature (T-T): -5 - 60 Operating temperature (T-T): 5 - 40 Product colour: Black,White Market positioning: Home & Office Internal memory: 512 Operating relative humidity (H-H): 10 - 80 AC input voltage: 100 - 240 Display diagonal: 2.65 Width: 584.9 Height: 306.4 Depth: 444.8 Power consumption (off): 0.15 Power consumption (sleep): 1.42 Time to first page (black, normal): 9 Number of users: 3 Duplex scanning: N Recommended duty cycle: 250 - 1500 Power consumption (average operating): 29.4 Layers per pallet: 6 Pallet gross weight: 373 Products per pallet: 18 Master (outer) cases per pallet layer: 3 USB 2.0 ports quantity: 1 Pallet dimensions (W x D x H): 1220 x 1015 x 2574 HP segment: Small medium business Total number of input trays: 1 Total input capacity: 250 Page description languages: PCL 3 GUI Number of print cartridges: 4 Maximum duty cycle: 30000 ISO A-series sizes (A0...A9): A3,A4,A5,A6 Wi-Fi: Y Direct printing: Y Auto document feeder (ADF): input capacity 35 Total output capacity: 75 Maximum ISO A-series paper size: A3 Print technology: Thermal Inkjet Maximum resolution: 4800 x 1200 Printing: Colour printing Scan speed (black): 8 Faxing: Colour faxing Print resolution black: 1200 x 1200 Print speed (black, normal quality, A4/US Letter): 22 Copying: Colour copying Scan speed (colour): 8 Optical scanning resolution: 1200 x 1200 Print speed (ISO/IEC 24734): black 22 Sustainability compliance: Y Wi-Fi Direct: Y Auto fit function: Y Print speed (ISO/IEC 24734): colour 18 PictBridge: N Recommended system requirements: Windows® 10, 8.1, 8, 7: 1 GHz 32-bit (x86) or 64-bit (x64) processor, 2 GB available hard disk space, CD-ROM/DVD drive or Internet connection, USB port, Microsoft® Internet Explorer. Windows Vista (32-bit only): 800 MHz (x86) processor, 2 GB available hard disk space, CD-ROM/DVD drive or Internet connection, USB port, Microsoft® Internet Explorer 8. Windows XP SP3 or higher (32-bit only): any Intel® Pentium® II, Celeron® or 233 MHz compatible processor, 850 MB available hard disk space, CD-ROM/DVD drive or Internet connection, USB port, Internet Explorer 8. Secure printing: Y Image formats supported: BMP, TIFF, JPEG,PNG Scan to E-mail: Server, Fax, Software Duplex functions: Fax Bundled software: HP Printer Software, Google Toolbar, HP Update, Shop for Supplies Online, HP Photo Creations Copy speed (colour, normal quality, A4): 34 Copy speed (black, normal quality, A4): 34 Included cartridge capacity (black): 1300 Other operating systems supported: Linux, ChromeOS Security algorithms: SSL/TLS, HTTPS Maximum print size: 297 x 431.8 mm Non-ISO print media sizes: Hagaki card Custom media width: 76 - 297 Borderless printing media sizes: A3 Maximum input capacity: 250 Paper tray media types: Recycled paper, Plain paper, Photo paper, Matte paper, Glossy paper, Thick paper Maximum output capacity: 75 Mac operating systems supported: Mac OS X 10.11 El Capitan,Mac OS X 10.10 Yosemite,Mac OS X 10.12 Sierra,Mac OS X 10.8 Mountain Lion,Mac OS X 10.9 Mavericks Mobile printing technologies: Apple AirPrint,Mopria Print Service,Google Cloud Print Paper tray media weight: 34 - 250 Custom media length: 127 - 420 Sound power level (printing): 6.6 What's in the box 1 x HP OfficeJet 7720 Wide Format All-in-One Printer; HP 955 setup cartridges 1 x Power cord 1 x Setup poster

[serviceceenter]

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[marketing-1234]

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[tonylean]

The recent class-action settlement between HP and its customers draws attention to a growing concern in the tech industry regarding the impact of software updates on consumer products. The case stems from allegations that HP's firmware updates caused certain printers to become "bricked," meaning they became completely unusable. This led to a legal dispute over whether HP's actions were unjust and whether the company was responsible for the consequences of these updates.

HP, however, denies any wrongdoing and has not been found liable for damages. Instead of offering monetary compensation to affected customers, the settlement focuses on offering remedies such as refunds, repairs, or the opportunity to return the affected products. This approach highlights the challenges companies face when dealing with customer complaints related to software updates, which can have significant consequences on product functionality.

At the heart of the case is the issue of consumer consent, or rather the lack of it, when it comes to firmware and software updates. Many modern products, including printers, smartphones, and even home appliances, rely on software updates to fix bugs, add new features, or improve security. However, in some instances, these updates can unintentionally degrade or entirely alter a product's functionality, sometimes making it unusable. The HP case underscores how these updates can have unintended consequences for consumers who are often not fully aware of the risks associated with accepting them.

This situation raises important questions about the power companies have over their products after the sale and how much control consumers should have over the updates that affect their devices. Should consumers be notified more clearly about the potential risks of updates, or should they have the ability to reject or delay updates that might affect their devices’ functionality? Additionally, what responsibility do companies have in ensuring that their updates do not harm the performance of products after they’ve been purchased?

The case also highlights broader legal and ethical issues surrounding product updates. If a company releases an update that renders a product inoperable, should it be held accountable for fixing the problem at no additional cost to the consumer? And if these issues are widespread, as with HP’s case, should companies be required to offer compensation for the inconvenience and disruption caused to consumers?

In the context of a rapidly evolving technology market, the HP case serves as a reminder of the ongoing tension between manufacturers and consumers. As devices become more interconnected and dependent on software updates, it will be increasingly important for both parties to understand the implications of such changes and the potential legal ramifications that could arise. Moving forward, companies may need to adopt more transparent and consumer-friendly practices regarding product updates, especially when those updates could negatively impact the functionality of the devices they sell. This case could set a precedent for how similar disputes are handled in the future, with broader implications for how software updates are managed across industries.

[ericvanderburg]

HP Inc settles printer toner lockout lawsuit with a promise to make firmware updates optional

http://securitytc.com/TJdQHV