#Have I posted these all here before? Yes. Should you all still emo cry circle jam to them yes so do so

[potter-pavlikovsky-popchyk]

listen and think of them pls

[tintentrinkerin]

Cathartic Arrest

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester

Characters: Michael (Supernatural), Minor Characters

Additional Tags: Post-Hell Dean Winchester, Post-Lucifer’s Cage Sam Winchester, Dubious Consent, Caning, Codependent Winchesters (Supernatural), It’s all about inflicting and receiving punishment, Jealousy

Summary: ”Sam needs to cope with memories of Lucifer’s abuse. Dean is still trying to cope with this time as torture Master in Hell.

And he’s JEALOUS.”

Word Count 1,793

READ HERE OR ON AO3

Sam was still shaking when he got back to the bunker. He had taken his time before he came back home, but still. This time, it had all been different. She had to help him back into his pants, his shirt, even tuck his shirt in, help him ground himself; when he still didn’t come down from what just happened, she made him sit in her “calm room” as she called it. 

She gave him food, good food. Fruits. Pineapple, strawberries, vanilla infused yoghurt. Juices of passion fruit and apples, bread with butter and some lean chicken tenders. He could choose whatever music he wanted, but all he ever would choose was hard rock – the music of his childhood, part of his youth and part of Dean. The music in his ears, usually is of a different, much more intense nature. He’d tried pop. One Direction. Too happy. He’d tried Nu Metal. He was too old to bounce back into his emo stage, also known as his years at Stanford. He had tried all kinds of metal. Trash, Death, Melodic, Symphonic. Nightwish. Later Aesthetic Perfection. All good music, quality wise. But nothing was ever louder than the noises in his head. The crying of baby Sam Winchester, inner-child Sam Winchester. Traumatized and angry and helpless. 

Only the noise of a cane meeting his skin, his ass, his legs, even his feet, his own painful cries, the muffled grunts, the thank you’s and the yes'es, the reenactment of his shame, would silence the child. It’d been rough today. The wax on his chest left pink swollen spots, the cane beat him bloody this time.

“I can stop, aye?” she said. 

“No, Mistress. Don’t. I want it to bleed.”

She’s not his Domme and he’s not her slave. He isn’t that twisted in his mind to reenact the power exchange, his own powerlessness. Michael watching. Michael. That god forsaken coward.

Sam was still shaking when he started Baby’s engine, slowly rolling away from the place he visits when pressing on his scar stops working. And it’s been working less and less and less. Until nothing else will help but being beaten up by someone to finally overcome the pain, the helplessness, the feeling of being weak and useless. Sam Winchester might be broken, but he still can take a beating without crying.

Dean hates liars. Which is kind of, let’s say  hypocritical, given his nature, his past. He lied to Sam about hell, he lied about the deal, he constantly lies to the only person who will probably never leave him. Because even if Sam does leave, he always comes back. He won’t even die for good. Dean doesn’t, Sam doesn’t. They’re here, two moons in this earth’s gravitational pull, doomed to circle each other; the forces of nature keeping them in place but always keeping them apart. 

It's one of those days when Sam says he’s about to go jogging, but since when does he have to drive fifty miles to some secluded forest area to jog when they're in the literal middle of nowhere? Dean has seen Sam in the showers. They have their privacy here, both want that or pretend to, but the showers are group showers, long lines of shower heads like in school gyms. They usually lock the doors, so why, this one time, does Sam not lock himself up like he used to? Dean knows about the nightmares, the triggers, the sudden flashbacks and the pressing of Sam’s thumb against the palm of his cut hand. He noticed cuts, deep cuts around Sam’s wrists, that never heal because he keeps on scratching off the scab. The bleeding never stops. 

Dean decides that today, enough is enough. He knows this trauma, he was in Hell too. He tortured innocent people, he tortured Bela fucking Talbot. A woman he really respected in the end, though he sugar coated it with cunt-y behaviour. He’s seen so many faces twisted in pain and agony – and all they do in the end? – cry for mama. They cry for their fucking mother, and Sam? Dean wonders who he cried for in the Cage?

Sam is packed up in his “jogging outfit” and he’s about to leave, when Dean gets up from his armchair in the library.

“Where ya goin’, Sammy?”

He jumps.

“Jesus, don’t scare me, man. Really? I’m going jogging.”

“There’s a whole ass forest in front of the batcave, Sam. Why not go there?”

Sam looks down and Dean knows, he’s angry. He’s angry because Dean caught him in his damn lie and there’s no good way out of it.

“I have a jogging buddy over there,” Sam clears his throat, his whole body is tense. Ready to run. Wherever.

“Ah, jogging buddy, I see. Lemme guess, their name is Mistress Lana and he looks bomb in tracksuits.”

Sam is about to erupt and he grows, his posture straightens and he yells. “This is private Dean, you have no, absolutely NO right to spy after me like a--”

“Like a what?”

“Like a fucking jealous wife who caught me in an affair?”

Dean falls silent, but his body, pure, condensed power, anger, fear, slams his arm against Sam’s throat and presses him to the wall. 

“It is exactly like that. You drive an hour to see a dominatrix, to what? You become a subby bootlicker all of a sudden? You like that?”

Sam’s nostrils flare and damn, now Dean is on freakin’ thin ice. He is so goddamn jealous of this woman giving Sam something that Dean would give him freely. And happily. He would give him the relief he needs. 

“Don’t talk like that!” Sam hisses, trying to wind himself out of Dean’s grip but he’s still sore from the last time Lana tied him up like a Christmas present and hung him on the wall like a pig-half at the butcher’s. Sam loved the marks of the rough rope, loved the feeling of just hanging there, floating, the ground beneath him so far away, the rock bottom so far…“You have no idea how I feel!”

Dean’s head tilts to the side. “I tortured people in Hell, Sam. I know how to make you feel the worst pain of your life – but I can also give you the greatest relief. I can show you mercy, because that’s what you really want. Isn’t it?”

Sam finally breaks free and attacks Dean, one hit after another, breaks Dean’s nose, gives him a black eye, and it only stops when Dean lands a blow right over Sam’s kidney – he staggers back. 

“I deserve the pain,” Sam wheezes. “I don’t rely on anyone’s mercy.”

Dean drags him up and brings Sam, who is suddenly so pliant, to his room. What no one has ever known about is the secret door. Dean’s not a witch, Sam would be a great one, but Dean managed to hide a tiny little torture chamber behind his room. Sam fights,  he insults Dean. Dean knows, yes he knows, it’s Sam’s way of provoking him and, kind of, making Dean stop. 

Sam knows that, when he came back from Hell, Dean fucked around even more than before he’d died –but no one ever saw him with the girls, the submissive ones, the broken little dolls he found. This is Deam’s coping. Reenacting Hell.

Sam clings on to Dean when he’s tied to the bench, naked. Sam is still black and blue, some of his bruises had turned green-yellowish already but no one should hurt him there again. These bruises would take ages to heal, if they’re lucky, without a doctor needed. Sam isn’t fighting anymore, he’s crying.

“Please Dean, take it off of me. Please… I can’t… Take it OFF!”

“I can’t”, Dean says, gently, brushing away Sam’s tears.“Does she fuck you?”

A gasp. “What? Why--?”

“Simple question, Sammy. Does. She. Fuck you?”

Sam nods, hiding his face in his hair and pressing his forehead against the padding.

“I can’t spank you in this condition. You have to heal. Why would you go to that woman when you’re still so roughed up?”

“Why do you care?”Sam’s voice is so thin. Little, scared Sammy, and there was no one in the Cage to save him from what happened. 

“Sammy.” Is all Dean says.

“My Sammy.”

Dean is not like that. He loves Sammy, and he would do a lot, but he won’t do That.

Dean’s favorite is his cane. Rattan. Unpeeled. Sam endures several hard blows, in a staccato, a rhythm other people would faint from. But Sammy is strong, and he wants to be broken.

HE

WANTS

TO 

BE

BROKEN

And Dean is giving him that. He can think of the girls and boys in Hell while doing it, like he’s not the one inflicting this pain on Sam, but it feels so damn good. Purging. Sam’s cries and whimpers, his yells and finally, finally, when Dean is about to lose control and maul Sam alive – there’s the one Sammy would cry for.

“Dean.”

A gasp. The blows stop. Blood dripping down Sam’s legs. 

“Dean.”

Again.

“Sammy..”

So gentle. So tender. So silent. 

“Dean, I want to go home….” and that is truly when Sam is broken, the last bastion of his mind, his pride, his goddamn pride is stripped from him. He babbles, he cries, snot and tears and gulps, he even chokes on his cries. “I want to be home with Dean, please hold me, Dean, take me home, Dean…”

Dean dissolves. His own trauma resolves for a minute. He knows, it will never fully go away, he will never heal. But.

“Sammy. I’m here, Sammy. Come here. I’ll take you home, my baby brother. I’m here.”

“Dean, I love you”, Sam chokes out. It could be anything. It could be nothing.

“Sammy, I love you more.”

Dean leans onto Sam’s heaving, still tied up body, sweat and blood, tears, the sobs. When Dean releases Sam from the restraints and carries him to a sofa, he huddles up in Dean's lap. Like a newborn. Overwhelmed with the world outside, sobbing and crying for Dean. Dean is here, holding him tight. Offering him water and more blankets.

Lucifer has never been closer, but Dean has blown him away from Sam. He made Sam just forget for a while. It’s so fucked up, but he can live with fucked up. As long as it’s with Sam and Sam never, fucking never, goes to a whore again when he can have everything from Dean.

Dean will do anything for Sam. 

“Dean…”

“I’m here. You’re home.”

»And I will never let you go.«

@laxe-chester67 @deanking @vulgar-library @writethelifeyouwant @itsabookishblog @schaefchenherde @sacrificialtendencies @cloudesworld @all-4-wincest @ohnoitsthebat @rpsocsandcanonohmy @stemroses @nightmarecait @lostmykiliel @alexa-alcantara @wincestismyheart @closetedshippers @dragonardhill @alex-is-a-gay-human

IF YOU WANT TO BE INCLUDED IN MY MAILING LISTS, SHOOT ME A MESSAGE <3

[sentient-stove]

Crashing Down.

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Characters: Logan, c!Thomas Sanders (mentioned), Virgil, Roman, Patton, Remus, Janus, Nico Flores.

Relationships: c!Thomas/Nico, Logan/Nico, Logan&Virgil, Platonic DRLAMP, Roman/Patton

Additional tags: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH (x2), Angst with a happy ending, Sad Logan hours, Homophobia, Protests.

Summary: What if gay marriage was made illegal again? What if you never got the chance to tell the person that you loved that you loved them? What if they were torn from you?

Notes: Hey, gay marriage is actually super close to becoming illegal again in the United States, so catch me being killed because people hate me for who I am. This is a very sad story, but it has a happy ending. enjoy.

AO3

Virgil can’t breathe.  There’s a knee pressing into his neck and as he chokes, the leering face of the man looms over him.

God, he doesn’t want this to be the last thing he sees, but his vision is swimming and the way that stars are dancing in his vision reminds him of Logan…

The darkness wins.

…

Logan is at work when he gets the call.

Logan is twenty five when he loses his best friend at a protest.

Logan is twenty five when the world comes crashing down.

It had been something that Virgil had offhandedly brought up that morning, when the two were in bed, using each other as radiators so that they didn’t have to pay for heating.  A protest that someone had organized that was directly fighting against the ban on gay marriage that had been reinstated after only being legal for five years.  He understood where the anger came from and he promised to meet Virgil there after work.

It never happened.

Instead Logan was asked to identify a body in a morgue.  Virgil looked like shit as a dead man, the dark circles under his eyes matching in a horrible way with the strangulation marks on his neck.

He didn’t cry.  Not until he was knocking on his brother’s door, falling into the arms of Patton and sobbing as his older brother easily lifted him and carried him to the couch.  Logan lets himself be hugged, even if it isn’t what he wants, it’s what he needs in the moment, someone to hug him and whisper lies that everything will be okay.

But it’s not.  Patton can’t marry his husband, (they were married but it was nullified after gay marriage was banned), and Logan is alone.

Gosh, it’s only been seven hours and he misses Virgil more than anything.  Roman came in sometime during the crying fest and joined the pile, simply giving Logan a knowing look.

The protest wasn’t supposed to get violent.  That man wasn’t supposed to try to kill that girl and Virgil wasn’t supposed to push him away, knowing that he was fighting a losing battle.

According to the people that managed to pull the guy off of Virgil, his best friend’s last words were along the lines of telling the dude to fuck himself with a hot iron.

It’s fitting.

…

Would it be lying to say that it snowed the day of the funeral?  Janus looked up at the sleet that was coming down, tilting his umbrella back just enough to catch some in his face.

His brother had always wanted to be cremated and then scattered in a Walmart parking lot at the witching hour, and so here they are at three am, scattering ashes like how Virgil wanted.  Twins were weird that way.  Janus never felt like they were related, but Virgil had always loved the strange and obscure, almost the exact opposite of himself.

Logan hasn’t said a word for a week and it scares Janus.  He knew that the pair were close, but this was concerning.

The ashes blend well with the sleet, disappearing as each take a turn to scatter some.  Janus saved the last bit, and the others pretended not to notice.

…

Patton finds the journal when they’re cleaning out the small apartment that Logan used to share with Virgil.

It’s tucked under the floorboards, it’s really a miracle that he stumbled on it and when he opens it, he can see Virgil’s beautiful cursive filling every page.

Who knew the emo could write so pretty?  The journal itself is not that old, the first date from less than six months ago.  Each page has a snippet from his life and it’s the words on the last page that prompt Patton to fresh tears.

I think I’ll tell Logan tomorrow.  Ask him if maybe… after all this is over, maybe he’ll go out on a date with me?

The entry was three days before he died.

Patton doesn’t show Logan the journal when his brother comes back into the room to carry out a box.  The timing isn’t right and Logan is still fragile, barely eating, barely speaking.

…

Roman sat across from the man who did it, the man who’s now in cuffs, blank stare boring into his soul.

“Why?” “He was in the way.”

Roman refrains from showing any emotion, although if there wasn’t a pane of glass between them, he’d beat the man until he was black and blue for what he did.

“Do you regret it.”

“Yes.”

“But not for the reasons you should.”

…

It’s Remus who finds Logan one night.  Both of them are on the wrong side of the bridge railing, tempting fate.

“I miss him.”  Logan admits softly.  Remus doesn’t blame him.  It’s been three months since the funeral and so much has changed.  Roman and Patton are married again, Janus disappeared to Italy and has yet to send out another text confirming if he’s alive and Remus?

He finds Logan.  He takes Logan home and helps him eat, helps him stay alive as the world tunnels for the nerd.

He misses Virgil.

But he moves on.  Remus doesn’t dwell on things for long, it’s part of the reason why Virgil called him heartless as a joke.  It rings false, they both knew it.

Logan was his first friend.  They had met in high school, back before Virgil was in the picture.  Logan had found Remus on a bridge like this.  He’d sat down and coaxed Remus back over the right edge, concern lacing his voice as he talked him through his intrusive thoughts.  Logan had later met Virgil and the three became unstoppable senior year of high school.

  Remus knows that Logan misses that feeling.

Because he does too.

…

Logan is under his covers when the package arrives, addressed to him in flowing cursive.

It’s Virgil’s handwriting, he’s seen it enough times on the grocery lists that they put together.

It’s a simple bracelet.

Logan didn’t realize that it was Valentine’s day until almost a week later, when he went to the post office to mail a letter and the mailperson processing the letter asked if he got the package okay.

Apparently Virgil had set up the package almost a year in advance, hoping to have forgotten by the time Valentine’s rolled around so his friend could have a surprise.

Logan went home and sobbed for an hour after.

…

Janus returns, a new scar cutting across his cheek and a tattoo on the back of his neck that is a simple padlock with a lightning bolt on it.

He brings with him a delicate glass blown pendant.  The glass was mixed with the leftover of Virgil’s ashes and he gave it to Logan.

It rests against Logan’s heartbeat and he pretends to be okay even though everything is crashing down.

…

Virgil’s murderer is released from prison.  He later kills another gay man at a protest and is given the death penalty.

It’s too merciful. 

…

Logan turns twenty six.  He doesn’t celebrate.

…

Patton gives Logan the journal one day, on a whim when Logan asks if he can help with cooking the anniversary dinner for when Roman and Patton got remarried.

…

Logan is twenty seven when he meets Nico in a mall.  They ran into each other- literally and at a later time, he finds out that Nico lost someone too.

Virgil and Thomas.

It’s strange how you lose the ones you love the most.

Together, they pick up the broken pieces and struggle forward.

…

Logan is thirty when he becomes Logan Flores.

Later, after the wedding reception, he’ll hold his husband close and promise, no, vow to always be there for him.

They fall asleep tangled together and everything seems to click back into place.  For Logan, he still feels like a vase that's been shattered at a teenager's party, but he's slowing fixing himself, slowly getting better.

…

Sometimes you lose your first love.

Sometimes it snows and you think of them.  

Sometimes you pretend that it's okay.

Sometimes everything comes crashing down.

Sometimes it gets fixed.

This is one of those times.

[grxceblqckthxrn]

hi @chocolatecarstairs came up with these post-CHOG questions and i really want to answer them because im sad that im finished reading it :((

MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW

what was your favorite part, 1 or 2?

Honestly I loved both parts, but I’d say I loved part two just a little bit more for the time that James wasn’t under the curse anymore and LOVED Cordelia

which scene in the book was your favorite?

EVERY scene that had Matthew and James being wholesome parabatai in it!!! my favourite chapter in this book was Blue Ruin, the one after Grace takes the bracelet back from James  (aside from the whispering room ofc).

what scene (or scenes) made you cry the most?

ok ngl i didnt spend much of this book crying, but the only scene that actually made me tear up was when james was dying and matthew could feel it and jesse (WHO I FUCKING LOVED MORE THAN I THOUGHT I WOULD) gave him his last breath :(((((

what scenes were unsatisfactory?

there were not enough Christopher scenes (but to be fair, even if the entire book was just Christopher it still wouldnt be enough for me)

but fr, i cant think of any off the top of my head but i’ll edit this if i do later

what made you laugh the most?

matthew!! james!! thomas!! christopher!! also some of the things Jesse said

what bored you?

this wasn’t boring, but the whole charles/alastair plot line didn’t have me very invested. I did love the alastair/ cordelia scenes tho, so it was just charles that was the problem

also no offense to james bc he was my first actual fictional crush after reading TMH/NBS but like whenever he talked about being in grace i would literally zone out lol the bracelet curse makes him so boring but whenever he isnt in the curse/ is with someone who is NOT grace i just!! love him!!

what disappointed you?

cassie honestly had me kinda shipping matthew/cordelia for a solid FIVE SECONDS there when he stepped in to dance with her after james left her standing there, but that was one of the only scenes that made me feel like they had natural chemistry (along with the scene where he drops her off at her house). I felt like the during the rest of their interactions in the book, cordelia was kind of uncomfortable, which made me really sad because even tho she has every right to feel that way, i felt bad for matthew. I kind of want him to fall for someone else completely and for it to be reciprocated. also, i just really want for matthew and cordelia to become good friends because i feel like they could have such great natural chemistry if matthew didnt love her.

what is the top thing you wish had been done differently?

see above.

what things did you predict that came true?

JAMES BURNING DOWN BLACKTHORN MANOR I FUCKING SAID HE WOULD DO IT TWO FUCKING YEARS AGO IF YALL WANT ME TO LINK THE THEORY LMK

what are some things that were really unexpected?

ok there’s quite a few things here so bear w me babes:

- James genuinely loving cordelia from the start. I wasn’t expecting him to naturally feel nothing for grace at all, so i was expecting a slow burn jordelia, but finding out that he actually loves her makes me so happy but the end where cordelia thinks he was just pretending breaks my heart :(((

-matthew liking cordelia lol definitely was not expecting another parabatai love triangle but i hope it doesnt last. i do think it adds to the plot and i love it, it just hurts to see matthew so emo :(((

-I was expecting to like cordelia as a character, but i ended up LOVING her so fucking much???? she’s so three dimensional to me, and it’s interesting to see how her personality adapts around different characters as people adapt around different social circles irl

-liking jesse as much as i did

-ok so james’ entire character was a surprise to me. it’s so fascinating to see how the bracelet actually affected his personality.If you recall him in The Midnight Heir from TBC. he’s like an entirely different person. i still loved him in TMH but i went into CHOG thinking that if he was gonna be like that the entire time i’d probably get over him really quickly. i was pleasantly surprised by how much i ended up loving him even more tho

-i didn’t expect oliver hayward to die and im going to stay emo about it

- Christopher is so much more clear headed than he was made out to be prior?? like there were so many scenes where he was fully there and when he defended anna to alastair i just kfdsnfkld i love him

are there characters that you didn’t like before that you like now?

yikes umm... Alastair, maybe? he’s somewhat okay to me now, I dont dislike him as much as I used to. ooh and Hypatia Vex. the only scene i remember liking her in QOAAD was when she helped out kit, ty and dru (me, going a whole TSC post without somehow mentioning kit? not possible)

are there characters that you liked before that you don’t like now?

I started CHOG ready to give Grace the benefit of the doubt, and I was surprised by how timid and shy she seemed at the start, but it was interesting to see how it was all an act and how she doesn’t have an actual personality yet. one could argue that she actually does love james, but i doubt it at this point. i dont hate her yet, even tho she IS fucking up james’ life, but she’s on thin fucking ice.

who was your favorite new character?

does new character mean completely new or just never been in a novella new? because for the first, it would be Cordelia (i LOVE her sm!!) and other wise it would be james, matthew and co. also!!! jesse!!

what places in the book would you like to visit?

that hell dimension sounds pretty lit ngl

did you like the ending?

ok so. we KNOW that jordelia is gonna be endgame. cassandra clare always takes the hardest path to get there, but when has she not delivered? it’s just a matter of waiting. so, yes, i did like the ending in sense of the plot because it was a great twist, but i also feel really bad for all of them even tho ik they’re eventually gonna be together :(((

what did you think of the epilogue?

i wasnt surprised, since we alr know that Tatiana is shady asf, but i just really wanna know how she partnered up with a GREATER demon like lol wtf. again, im really happy in terms of plot with this

what are your thoughts on the engagement?

i feel so. fucking bad. for cordelia. and james too, even tho he’s under the bracelet’s curse so he doesnt even KNOW he’s being manipulated. but i love how even through the curse, james still loves cordelia in his own way.

what did you want to see that didn’t happen?

matthew getting therapy periodt

umm honestly i just want more “merry thieves” content like i just love. all of them.

what do you wish had been resolved that wasn’t?

i really want matthew to tell james or cordelia what happened because i just need him to be loved and supported lol i want to give him a hug. 

what is your favorite pairing as of now?

jordelia!!! and lucie and jesse are kind cute rn, and i like them if theyre gonna be pining after eachother but i feel like if they actually get together i wont like the relationship as much.

which characters would you like to see more of in the next book?

CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER 

ANNA!!! i lovED reading about her she’s so badass

matthew!! jesse!! also i wanna see more of those bitchy girls lol just so we can see anna or cordelia tell them to stfu

what is one character whose death you would undo if you could?

ok i know that jesse is still very much a conscious character despite being dead but like,,, i want him to be the way he was before and also i want him to come back to life

and barbara!! she seemed so sweet 

which characters got bad/unsatisfactory endings?

ummm barbara? i cant really say much on this yet bc its still only the first book and when has the first book ever ended up with anyone being happy.

oh but also can we sign a petition to make cassie let matthew actually survive the series because my heart aches just at the THOUGHT of eventually having to read a scene where he dies

which characters got what they deserved?

literally. none of them yet. :(

who should have died but didn’t?

Tatiana lol also lowkey charles but i also feel pity him to an extent 

what plotline are you most excited to see in the next book?

okay the entire jesse plot has me hooked because i LOVE his character. also i love the bracelet plot but its making me MAD because i just want james to be happy but

what is one scene that you wish hadn’t happened, but you know was unavoidable?

THE ONE WHERE GRACE PUTS THE BRACELET BACK ON JAMES. i mean obv there was no way he was completely done with grace, but i literally got so sad at that part like why HIM of all people smfh let him be happy

which pairing do you like the least?

alastair x charles, grace x james, lucie x matthew bc neither of them actually like either imo lol

what are some theories you have for chain of iron?

- not necessarily for COI but i think matthew is gonna get exiled and turned into made into a mundane

- the bracelet will break (?)

- jesse will come back to life (like actual life) at the end of the book

-grace is gonna do something to help the main characters, making it hard for us to hate her.

what characters do you think should have gotten more plot time?

lol are yall gonna hate me if i say christopher again (also anna)

anyways this was really fun!!!!! PLEASE ASK ME STUFF ABOUT MY OPINIONS AND STUFF OR JUST SAY ANYTHING ABT THE BOOK BC IM DESPERATE TO TALK TO PPL ABOUT IT

[wheremytwinwatches]

[Where My Twin Watches]: PMMM Rebellion - Part 8

Last time on Rebellion: YES

The truth came to light, each of the Magical Girls got their moments to shine, Madoka once again found the Third Way (Let Homura kill herself to set them free/Kill Homura to free the others/Screw that, shoot out the ceiling and hug it out with the bae), and the Incubators got fucked up. Hot damn but that was satisfying.

We pick up after Madoka’s Arrow Rain, the surrounding area utterly devastated with not a single Bunny-Cat to be seen. Homura’s still out cold, lying on some sort of slab while holding her bow (I think? I know her post-Madokami weapon is a bow, but might be a staff of some sort). A Soul Gem enters? Mami places it on Homura’s sleeping form, it looks rather beat up from the Incubator’s experiment. Also, blue? I thought Homura’s color was purple.

Flutes pick up as more Redeemed Familiars gently set down the Muggles who were trapped in the Labyrinth (hey, I recognize these ones, they were in the Suicide Cult Labyrinth and appeared to tear apart Madoka. Brrr.). Some students, the Teacher, and Madoka’s family! Hey guys!

Meanwhile, Kyoko’s Batgirling on some rubble, looking out over the desert. Yeah, she did just get to hold hands with Sayaka (*squeeee!*), but now the Paladin’s job is over, isn’t it? Back to Magical Girl heaven. Same with Bebe/Nagisa/whatever her name is.

[Mami]: “No. They’re finally taking her away with them.”

What. What. Is you serious? Yes yes yes yes YES!

Loophole abuse! -Madokami leaves Magical Girls on Earth to fight Wraiths, takes away those who are about to become Witches -Homura Witchified inside her Soul Gem, remained an almost-Witch in the real world -Requirement for Magical Girl Heaven met!

[Madokami]: “Now I remember. I came here for Homura.”

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS! We’ve got some Last Battle of Narnia feels going on here! Further up and further in…

Nagisa and Sayaka are here too, driving one of Walpurgisnacht’s carts. Nothing but the finest chauffeur services for Homura.

Homura wakes up to see the Welcome Wagon, her friends standing by, and then Madokami in all her glory.

[Madokami]: “I’m sorry for making you wait so long. You’ve worked so hard all this time.”

[Homura]: “Madoka…”

Finally. Finally. The feels, you guys. The feels!

[Madokami]: “Now, let’s go. We’ll always be together from now on.”

Wait. What’s with the head turn. Why shadows

[Homura]: “Yes. We will.”

Homura what

[Homura]: “I’ve waited so long for this moment.”

Whats with the closeups why the deep tone and shadows why smirk what

HOMURA WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT WHY ARE YOU GRABBING MADOKAMI’S WRISTS

[Madokami]: “H-Homura.”

RED ALERT RED ALERT MADOKAMI IS SHOCKED MADOKAMI IS ALARMED

[Homura]: “I’ve finally…”

Homura’s Soul Gem just turned pitch black what no why despair now what

[Homura]: “caught you.”

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!

Yeah, I’m with you girls, what’s going on? Technicolor lights are spilling from the Soul Gem, music is picking up. Crap crap crap.

Her Soul Gem has changed color? “Worse than a curse?” So this technicolor stuff is worse than Black Despair? What is it then? Desire? Obsession?

Oh hell.

[Homura]: “It’s only natural that you don’t understand. Yes… no one in the world could possibly understand. This emotion is mine alone.”

Oh my Madokami, would you stop being emo for five seconds.

[Homura]: “It is for Madoka alone.”

Um, Homura’s Soul Gem is beginning to crack. And so is the surrounding area?

Hell, are they still in the Labyrinth?

Madokami is pleading with Homura (freaking pleading, what is this), saying that she’ll be ripped apart-

Ripped apart. Oh no. I see it now.

Ranubis said:[Madoka]: “You know how wimpy I am. And because I could never bear to do something that would make someone as strong as you cry like this.” Homura is saying that she understands, that she made a stupid mistake? [Homura]: “I shouldn’t have allowed that to happen. That no matter what I would’ve had to do, I should have stopped you back then.”

This was planned. This is Homura’s savior complex. She devoted herself to saving Madoka. In the end, Madoka saved her. But she intends to “save” Madoka. From herself.

Madokami DAMN it Homura!

The cracks have now struck Madokami, splitting into images of her human and Ascended forms.

[Homura]: “I told you, Madoka. I’ll never let you go again.”

Homura clutches Madoka as her Soul Gem shatters, this weird blotchy technicolor spreading out to cover all the Magical Girls. Then the Cracks and Colors continue to spread, covering the desert. Then the planet. Then onwards and outwards through space, covering the galaxy (that’s not the Milky Way? Or just a bad angle?). Finishing as a circle, a sigil of some sort.

A spool of pink thread falls.

Homura stands against a red-and-yellow background, Mysterious Transfer Student-ing it up. Then she… spits out her Soul Gem? I thought it nope guess it breaks here as she bites down on it. The pink thread reforms as some mix of a black chess piece and a purple crystal ball. Homura grabs it-

Ah. Incubator. Kinda telling that things have gotten so fucked up that that’s all the reaction I can muster for Bunny-Cat.

[Incubator]: “The world is being rewritten. Does this mean a new principle has been born into this universe?”

Now Homura’s got the “Voice from Everywhere” thing going on. She’s telling the Incubator(s) floating around that this is the second time she’s been here.

[Incubator]: “I don’t believe this. Your curse-blackened Soul Gem should have vanished along with your soul. So why…?” [Homura]: “Because I finally remembered. All the times I repeated history, got hurt and suffered over and over, all of that was proof of my feelings for Madoka. So now, even pain is dear to me. It’s no longer curses that soil my Soul Gem.” [Incubator]: “Then what does?” [Homura]: “Something that you have no chance of understanding, Incubator. It is the pinnacle of all human emotion. More passionate than hope, far deeper than despair.”

Homura what are you doing with the Chess-Orb? Eating it. Apparently.

Ah. It seems that Homura has pulled a Madoka, found a Third Way. -Hope, for Magical Girls. -Despair, for Witches. -”Love”, for whatever she is now.

Now Homura’s dressing up oh ok wow that is a thing.

[Demon!Homura]: “Indeed… As I am now, I’m not even a witch anymore. She was as sacred as a god, and I pulled her from heaven and undermined her. A being that could perform such feats could only be called a demon, I suppose?"

Seeing how Homura’s acting, the Incubator swears off human emotion. Bit late for that, dude. Demon!Homura grabs it, tells it that they’re sticking around to handle all the curses of the world now.

We get flashes of galaxies as I struggle to comprehend everything that’s happened. Then, back to earth.

Homura (in a much more sensible outfit) is sitting at a table. Ignored by the passing students? Mami’s walking by, there’s a brief shot of a Familiar moving behind a falling rose petal. Mami raises a hand, then Homura knocks a cup to the ground. Mami turns at the sound, but there’s no-one there. She looks into her hand, and sees a black feather. Does she remember- GAH GOTH KIDS JUST CROSSED SCREEN

Now some of Homura’s bird Familiars, they’re eating at an apple held by- wait, Kyoko? Food girl is willingly feeding wild animals. What is wrong with this topsy-turvy world Homura’s made?! Then she apparently sees more of the Goth Kids, throws an apple but Homura shakes her head and it falls into the stream instead. Kyoko looks startled by this.

Now it’s Sayaka’s turn. But she sees Homura?

[Sayaka]: “Do you realize what you’ve done?” [Homura]: *Turns, earring glints* “I see. Looks like you understand what’s happened, Sayaka Miki.” [Sayaka]: “You’ve broken off a part of the Law of the Cycle! The power of salvation that was the hope of all the magical girls!” [Homura]: “All I took was a tiny piece of it. Just the records of the person that Madoka was before she ceased to exist. Somehow, all of you wound up being pulled in as well, and it seems you can’t return to wherever you were before.”

Uh, yeah? Because I’m pretty sure you overwrote the last galaxy.

Sayaka’s pissed, asking what right Homura had to do all this. Homura… straight up says her alignment is now Evil, that’s she’s the Antagonist of the world.

Uh, scene of a bunch of Goth kids surrounded by shoes, jumping off… yeah, I know enough about Japanese culture to know what that is.

Homura’s all “only natural I upset the laws set down by a god.” Madoka- or now Devilura damn it, this really was Homura rebelling against Madoka, wasn’t it.

Sayaka asks if Homura intends to destroy the universe, not even moving as she summons Octavia behind her. Alright, still got your powers I see. Not sure how effective they’ll be against this new Homura, but…

Homura does a hair-flip, says that maybe she will once all the Wraiths have been destroyed. Uh, what?

[Homura]: “When that time comes, I suppose I can be your enemy. But do you think you’ll be able to stand against me, Sayaka Miki?”

All these shots of Homura have been of half-closed eyes, and looking at her now I can only describe her as tired. Still, far from weak. She claps her hands, and Octavia instantly disappears as Sayaka slumps.

[Homura]: “Even now, your memories are gradually changing, are they not?”

Shot of Nagisa running through falling black feathers, laughing. Sayaka grits her teeth, says that she “thinks” she was part of a larger being before.

[Homura]: “Why don’t you simply enjoy the happiness from getting another chance to live a human life?”

So wait, in your new world they aren’t Magical Girls then? What, you’re just setting the Incubators on the Wraiths?

Even as Homura calmly tells her that all this will seem natural someday, Sayaka insists that she will always remember that Homura is a demon. Homura just smiles, and says that they should pretend to be friends in daily life. After all, don’t want to upset Madoka, do they?

Goth Kids are running around, throwing tomatoes at Homura. Yes good there’s a part of you that knows this is wrong, listen to it!

And with that we’re back to Sayaka in the “real world”, watching students and Nagisa go by. A “good morning” from Hitomi and Kyosuke. And she cries? But not from sadness, but from happiness that she can see them again.

Wait, flash of her Magical Girl ring? So she still has her powers?

In class, Teacher is ranting about boyfriends fussing over breakfast as Homura looks out the window. But Teach says there’s a new Transfer Student? But Homura’s already here-

[Teacher]: “Come on in, Miss Kaname!”

Ah. That got Homura’s attention. Madoka enters, says that Mother got assigned overseas so the family’s been living in America for three years.

Later, the girls in class are asking Madoka about her American life. Madoka’s a bit sheepish but not as shy as I expecte-

[Homura]: “Everyone, you’ll tire Miss Kaname out, bombarding her with questions like that.”

The girls scatter, and Homura “introduces” herself to Madoka. And “offers” to show her around the school. Ah, reversal of the Hallway Scene then. Obviously Madoka’s a little confused at why this strange girl is pushing for first names already and leading her around.

[Madoka]: “No, it actually seems like absolutely nothing has changed. In fact, if I had to pick the one thing that had changed, I’d say it was me.”

Homura comes to a stop in the Hallway. And seems very upset at Madoka’s comment.

Madoka goes on, saying she should have a different form, a different role. Sudden swirls of light around Madoka, is she fighting it off?! Come on, you can do it!

But no. Homura grabs her.

[Homura]: “It’s all right. You are exactly what you truly are.”

We’re back in the Hallway.

[Homura]: “Madoka Kaname. Do you treasure this world? Do you consider stability and order more important than desire?” [Madoka]: “Well, I…Um...I-I do treasure it. I guess I do think it’s kind of bad to break rules because you feel like it.” [Homura]: “I see. Then I suppose someday, you will become my enemy as well.”

Homura removes her ribbon- ah. That’s the ribbon that Madoka gave her before. Now she’s giving it back.

[Homura]: “But I don’t care. Because even then, I will continue to wish for a world in which you will be happy.”

Yeah, absent of context I’m sure that Madoka is utterly confused and kinda concerned right now.

The sun sets of Mitakihara City. Sayaka steals pocky from Kyoko in the courtyard. Mami races forward to save Nagisa from falling boxes of cheese. In House Kaname, Madoka moves boxes with her family. And in the sky overhead, a stone turns.

Credits.

Post-credits. Night, the hill where I originally thought Homura was being brainwashed by Madoka (HAH). Homura sits on a chair, on half of a hill. Same with the moon, perfect semi-circle. Grass rustles, Homura turns to see the silhouette of the Incubator. Homura summons her Chess-Orb, and then dances to the music past WHAT that’s the beat-up form of the Incubator. Then she falls off the hill. Closeup of the Incubator, with matted fur andshaking eyes.

“The End.” … … … FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

[florenceisnottrash]

10 reasons to stan Day6

A/N : I don’t know why but the tumblr keeps removing the gifs from this post... had to start again 3 times. Someone knows what’s up??

Guess who’s going to see Day6 in concert in Toronto this October?

ITS ME AND @hobi-my-hubby & @i-moved-kpopchangedme-i-moved

Guess who’s going to fkg MEET DAY6 THROUGH HI-TOUCH?

THAT’S RIGHT IT’S STILL US.

I really can’t believe I’ll be in the same place as Day6 and even meet them! It’s absolutely unreal! And all this with my best friends? We are so excited and hype and I promise I’ll keep you posted about my experience! 

Till then, here’s my love of Day6 condensed in one post! I’m happy they are finally getting the recognition they deserve, the came a long way and I couldn’t be prouder! This post is for the ones that are not yet stanning Day6 at 101%, but needs the extra push to do so. Enjoy!

1-Who doesn’t love a good ol’ band

We all have our moments where we need to listen to one specific type of music or songs… Well I don’t. Whatever is the circumstances, Day6 is always and will always be appropriate. If I’m crying my eyeballs out for x reason, Day6 is here to pump me up. If I happily enjoying a bath with the company of my favorite white wine, Day6 makes my bath 10x better.

And seriously, I don’t trust people that are like “Bands are not really my thing I prefer xxxxxxxx”. I completely understand people have preferences and all… but look… if you don’t like a band formed of 5 angelic looking boys with voices lovingly concocted by millions of angels and personalities made from the sweet mix of love, stupidity, more love and some judgmental looks, you are CEARLY WRONG.

It’s important to mention how Day6 have such a great variety of songs from slower to hyper one, all faintly tainted with a pinch of emo lol.

 2-Jae’s a social media KING

If you haven’t heard about the interactions on twitter between Jae and his fans… you must be living in a different galaxy. Even if you don’t stan Day6, you can’t stay indifferent at the sight of so many golden/sassy/priceless/” inspirational” /funny/ replies. And now he has a YouTube channel?? What did we, My Day, do to deserve so much quality content? Jae is literally everywhere on social media… We can see him in Edward Avila’s YouTube vlogs, in CocoSori’s Coco channel as well, on asc… the list just never ends. Who’s complaining though.

3-They let our fanfictional minds wander in unholy places by showing us their rooms and dorm

Ok.

Let’s all gather in circle, hold hands and talk about thE TRAUMATIC VLIVE WHERE THEY CASUALLY SHOW WHERE THEY SLEEP AND ALL AND LET’S CRY TILL OUR EYEBALLS FALL OFF THEIR SOQUETS.

I was smashing the pause button every time they were showing a new angle of the room Young K is sleeping in or a nice shirt that Sungjin could lend me to sleep in coughcoughcough I am so sorry.

This is a message to all the people sent from above to write fanfiction for our thirsty asses… go watch the vlive I was mentioning above and do an idol!au with their real dorm and hmu that would be AMAZING.

4- 1 month 1 song for A WHOLE YEAR YES PLEASE

MyDay are one of the only fandom that will not die of hunger this year. It just so crazy! I don’t have time to get over the August’s release when the September’s one comes! Just how are we supposed to keep up? Should I dedicate my life entirely on Day6?

They answer is: Fuck yeah gurl, fuck yeah.

January: (I wait) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3nFopIjmjI February: (You were beautiful) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BS7tz2rAOSA March: (How can I say) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwywhL1PenQ April: (I’m serious) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmHQbzbM8pI May: (DANCE DANCE) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAW0idSQ6Zs&t=54s June: (I smile) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4V36AfI4Ng July: (Hi, hello) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7c7rBv-FUU August: (What can I do) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RJWqIEo_Tc September: (I loved you) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwLMA5XYnKI

me looking for the new song when the new month starts

5- Sungjin’s rocker voice

I am 101% an absolute sucker for a soothing rocker-like voice. And Sungjin is serving it beautifully! His part in “I smile” anyone? I am imply mesmerized by his voice everytime he starts to sing. The power he got on me is incredible I am scared. 

6- They are juuuuust like us (poor af) 

The tweet where Jae tells us about how the cashier at Mc’Do told him she was a fan and his card was immediately declined after, letting him embarrassed and poor af, was so funny. I still have the screenshot in my phone and I look when I’m having a bad day lol. And when he went to Mc’Do again with Coco and his friend before a movie and took the cheapest meal for a grand total of 3$. Or When Young K got sooooo excited during a vlive when they went to a convenience store to by stuff and Jae told him he had the companies’ card and they didn’t have to pay for their food? Jae is us, Young K is us, Day6 is us. (And after they concert I’m 101% sure I won’t even be able to afford a 3$ BigMac.)

7- Dowoon is adorable

Just how cute can someone be? The way his ears turn red when he is getting shy is just the most adorable thing on earth. Seriously I don’t know what more to say? Look at this angel and cry with me.

#appreciateDowoonliketherestofdayheisperfect

LOOK

8- Dancing machines lol

I don’t know why I am adding a lol in there because THEY ACTUALLY ARE PRETTY GOOD DANCERS.

We say what Young K can do in term of dancing in asc and IT IS PRETTY FUCKING AMAZING. No wonder he nearly debuted in a dancing group with Wonpil!

You’ll also see Sungjin dancing like a dork but in reality, he is talented as well! He is just fooling with us on purpose ;)

I’ll probably ask Young K to do this dance for me

if this isn’t the funniest thing ever

9- ChooooKERS

Do you ever look in the mirror before going to school/work and think: “giiiIIRRRL, my choker so looks flippin’ cute, if I walk past my ex in the streets he gonn’ be drowning in remorse boy.” Well…

For my money, every time I put on a choker or if someone says my choker compliments my outfit lovingly, I can’t help but say: “Yeah but… Have you seen Wonpil wearing one? He looks *wipes a tear from the corner of my eye* so beautiful. There’s a reason why Wonpil went viral by being called the “wink-choker guy”. And it’s because he can make every girl fall in love and make every guy question their sexuality. You don’t believe want I just said? Have a look at this and come back @ me.

oh. my. fkg. god. HOw

10- Wonpil pink knit sweater

Why does Jae hates this sweater so much????? It’s not because he stole it from 2009 that it is necessarily ugly? (Jae please let’s make a deal, how about you give me his sweater. You’ll never see it again, and I’ll be blessed with the smell of Wonpil.) Am I creepy?

it’s not that bad…

BONUS- Our leader Sungjin

he is beautiful.

please look at me like that at the Hi-Touch..

MASTERLIST

[tintentrinkerin]

Cathartic Arrest

Part one of ‘the fortress that is your soul’

Rating: Mature Pairing: Sam/Dean [neither romantic nor sexual; yet] Tags: Jealousy, Post-Hell Dean Winchester, Post-Lucifer’s Cage Sam Winchester, Dubious Consent, Codependent Winchesters, Punishment, Caning Summary: Sam needs to cope with memories of Lucifer's abuse. Dean is still trying to cope with this time as torture Master in Hell. And he's JEALOUS. Word count: 1.7k

Read under the cut or on AO3

Sam was still shaking when he got back to the bunker. He had taken his time before he came back home, but still. This time, it had all been different. She had to help him back into his pants, his shirt, even tuck his shirt in, help him ground himself; when he still didn’t come down from what just happened, she made him sit in her “calm room” as she called it.

She gave him food, good food. Fruits. Pineapple, strawberries, vanilla infused yoghurt. Juices of passion fruit and apples, bread with butter and some lean chicken tenders. He could choose whatever music he wanted, but all he ever would choose was hard rock – the music of his childhood, part of his youth and part of Dean. The music in his ears, usually is of a different, much more intense nature. He’d tried pop. One Direction. Too happy. He’d tried Nu Metal. He was too old to bounce back into his emo stage, also known as his years at Stanford. He had tried all kinds of metal. Trash, Death, Melodic, Symphonic. Nightwish. Later Aesthetic Perfection. All good music, quality wise. But nothing was ever louder than the noises in his head. The crying of baby Sam Winchester, inner-child Sam Winchester. Traumatized and angry and helpless.

Only the noise of a cane meeting his skin, his ass, his legs, even his feet, his own painful cries, the muffled grunts, the thank you’s and the yes'es, the reenactment of his shame, would silence the child. It’d been rough today. The wax on his chest left pink swollen spots, the cane beat him bloody this time.

“I can stop, aye?” she said.

“No, Mistress. Don’t. I want it to bleed.”

She’s not his Domme and he’s not her Slave. It's all about pain. He isn’t that twisted in his mind to reenact the power exchange, his own powerlessness. Michael watching. Michael. That god forsaken coward.

Sam was still shaking when he started Baby’s engine, slowly rolling away from the place he visits when pressing on his scar stops working. And it’s been working less and less and less. Until nothing else will help but being beaten up by someone to finally overcome the pain, the helplessness, the feeling of being weak and useless. Sam Winchester might be broken, but he still can take a beating without crying.

Dean hates liars. Which is kind of, let’s say hypocritical, given his nature, his past. He lied to Sam about hell, he lied about the deal, he constantly lies to the only person who will probably never leave him. Because even if Sam does leave, he always comes back. He won’t even die for good. Dean doesn’t, Sam doesn’t. They’re here, two moons in this earth’s gravitational pull, doomed to circle each other; the forces of nature keeping them in place but always keeping them apart.

It's one of those days when Sam says he’s about to go jogging, but since when does he have to drive fifty miles to some secluded forest area to jog when they're in the literal middle of nowhere? Dean has seen Sam in the showers. They have their privacy here, both want that or pretend to, but the showers are group showers, long lines of shower heads like in school gyms. They usually lock the doors, so why, this one time, does Sam not lock himself up like he used to? Dean knows about the nightmares, the triggers, the sudden flashbacks and the pressing of Sam’s thumb against the palm of his cut hand. He noticed cuts, deep cuts around Sam’s wrists, that never heal because he keeps on scratching off the scab. The bleeding never stops.

Dean decides that today, enough is enough. He knows this trauma, he was in Hell too. He tortured innocent people, he tortured Bela fucking Talbot. A woman he really respected in the end, though he sugar coated it with cunt-y behaviour. He’s seen so many faces twisted in pain and agony – and all they do in the end? – cry for mama. They cry for their fucking mother, and Sam? Dean wonders who he cried for in the Cage?

Sam is packed up in his “jogging outfit” and he’s about to leave, when Dean gets up from his armchair in the library.

“Where ya goin’, Sammy?”

He jumps.

“Jesus, don’t scare me, man. Really? I’m going jogging.”

“There’s a whole ass forest in front of the batcave, Sam. Why not go there?”

Sam looks down and Dean knows, he’s angry. He’s angry because Dean caught him in his damn lie and there’s no good way out of it.

“I have a jogging buddy over there,” Sam clears his throat, his whole body is tense. Ready to run. Wherever.

“Ah, jogging buddy, I see. Lemme guess, their name is Mistress Lana and he looks bomb in tracksuits.”

Sam is about to erupt and he grows, his posture straightens and he yells. “This is private Dean, you have no, absolutely NO right to spy after me like a--”

“Like a what?”

“Like a fucking jealous wife who caught me in an affair?”

Dean falls silent, but his body, pure, condensed power, anger, fear, slams his arm against Sam’s throat and presses him to the wall.

“It is exactly like that. You drive an hour to see a dominatrix, to what? You become a subby bootlicker all of a sudden? You like that?”

Sam’s nostrils flare and damn, now Dean is on freakin’ thin ice. He is so goddamn jealous of this woman giving Sam something that Dean would give him freely. And happily. He would give him the relief he needs.

“Don’t talk like that!” Sam hisses, trying to wind himself out of Dean’s grip but he’s still sore from the last time Lana tied him up like a Christmas present and hung him on the wall like a pig-half at the butcher’s. Sam loved the marks of the rough rope, loved the feeling of just hanging there, floating, the ground beneath him so far away, the rock bottom so far…“You have no idea how I feel!”

Dean’s head tilts to the side. “I tortured people in Hell, Sam. I know how to make you feel the worst pain of your life – but I can also give you the greatest relief. I can show you mercy, because that’s what you really want. Isn’t it?”

Sam finally breaks free and attacks Dean, one hit after another, breaks Dean’s nose, gives him a black eye, and it only stops when Dean lands a blow right over Sam’s kidney – he staggers back.

“I deserve the pain,” Sam wheezes. “I don’t rely on anyone’s mercy.”

Dean drags him up and brings Sam, who is suddenly so pliant, to his room. What no one has ever known about is the secret door. Dean’s not a witch, Sam would be a great one, but Dean managed to hide a tiny little torture chamber behind his room. Sam fights, he insults Dean. Dean knows, yes he knows, it’s Sam’s way of provoking him and, kind of, making Dean stop.

Sam knows that, when he came back from Hell, Dean fucked around even more than before he’d died –but no one ever saw him with the girls, the submissive ones, the broken little dolls he found. This is Deam’s coping. Reenacting Hell.

Sam clings on to Dean when he’s tied to the bench, naked. Sam is still black and blue, some of his bruises had turned green-yellowish already but no one should hurt him there again. These bruises would take ages to heal, if they’re lucky, without a doctor needed. Sam isn’t fighting anymore, he’s crying.

“Please Dean, take it off of me. Please… I can’t… Take it OFF!”

“I can’t”, Dean says, gently, brushing away Sam’s tears.“Does she fuck you?”

A gasp. “What? Why--?”

“Simple question, Sammy. Does. She. Fuck you?”

Sam nods, hiding his face in his hair and pressing his forehead against the padding. Dean is on fire, barely holding on. He let her. He really let her!

“I can’t spank you in this condition. You have to heal. Why would you go to that woman when you’re still so roughed up?”

“Why do you care?”Sam’s voice is so thin. Little, scared Sammy, and there was no one in the Cage to save him from what happened.

“Sammy.” Is all Dean says.

“My Sammy.”

Dean is not like that. He loves Sammy, and he would do a lot, but he won’t do That.

Dean’s favorite is his cane. Rattan. Unpeeled. Sam endures several hard blows, in a staccato, a rhythm other people would faint from. But Sammy is strong, and he wants to be broken.

HE

WANTS

TO

BE

BROKEN

And Dean is giving him that. He can think of the girls and boys in Hell while doing it, like he’s not the one inflicting this pain on Sam, but it feels so damn good. Purging. Sam’s cries and whimpers, his yells and finally, finally, when Dean is about to lose control and maul Sam alive – there’s the one Sammy would cry for.

“Dean.”

A gasp. The blows stop. Blood dripping down Sam’s legs.

“Dean.”

Again.

“Sammy..”

So gentle. So tender. So silent.

“Dean, I want to go home….” and that is truly when Sam is broken, the last bastion of his mind, his pride, his goddamn pride is stripped from him. He babbles, he cries, snot and tears and gulps, he even chokes on his cries. “I want to be home with Dean, please hold me, Dean, take me home, Dean…”

Dean dissolves. His own trauma resolves for a minute. He knows, it will never fully go away, he will never heal. But.

“Sammy. I’m here, Sammy. Come here. I’ll take you home, my baby brother. I’m here.”

“Dean, I love you”, Sam chokes out. It could be anything. It could be nothing.

“Sammy, I love you more.”

Dean leans onto Sam’s heaving, still tied up body, sweat and blood, tears, the sobs. When Dean releases Sam from the restraints and carries him to a sofa, he huddles up in Dean's lap. Like a newborn. Overwhelmed with the world outside, sobbing and crying for Dean. Dean is here, holding him tight. Offering him water and more blankets.

Lucifer has never been closer, but Dean has blown him away from Sam. He made Sam just forget for a while. It’s so fucked up, but he can live with fucked up. As long as it’s with Sam and Sam never, fucking never, goes to a whore again when he can have everything from Dean.

Dean will do anything for Sam.

“Dean…”

“I’m here. You’re home.”

»And I will never let you go.«