#Hurts my heart

[completelymindfucked]

[constantine-2005]

i'm like 99% sure these two were dating before the killing game and that hurts my feelings

[lavenderjewels]

Every crumb of insight into Yuuji’s perception of himself and his “role” rips my heart straight out of my chest

[applestruda]

Im going to eat a table i hate missing streams mr. goodtimes why

[milliebugydementia]

"the roll. it was a seven. the Demogorgon, it got me"

"it's not my fault you don't like girls"

i find it heartbreaking that the scene where will earnestly admits the truth about something as innocent as his roll in the campaign, even after lucas told him not to, is paralleled by the fight scene

both on mike's porch, both after d&d, both admitting

but one at night, at the end of a ten hour campaign and one in the morning, cut short, in the rain, a painful imitation of what once was and what isn't going to ever be again.

the framing of mike & will at the start with home behind them, backlit and warm, versus their shadowed silhouette looking outwards, moving away

the framing of will & mike with home in the background, versus just will cycling away into the rain, alone

the new presence of disgust and irritation on mike's face and the comparative shock and hurt on will's which had been so open and so trusting

:-( my heart

[fcb-mv33]

“Maybe sometimes i'm a bit misunderstood.”

Gonna lie in a ditch over this sentence because he truly is the most misunderstood driver on the grid. it is genuinely upsetting to see so many things constantly being made up to misrepresent who he is when his is one of the nicest and most down to earth people.

There’s probably two drivers who have an issue with Max but Max is always the first to congratulate drivers, he’s always seen talking to them, he’s so freaking sweet to fans and just genuinely an all round beautiful person🥲I hate how he’s been treated since 2015🥲

He gets so much shit thrown at him for just being himself it’s so fucking sad🥲

[wilderness-king]

I gotta say, as much as I am a fan of Dakota, I don’t really enjoy how she’s been treating Madame Web. It does make me sad to see her shitting on this film. I know it’s not a brilliant movie, but I thought it was amazing and it’s really special to me. I wish she could see how much I enjoyed this film. But that’s just my thought on it all.

[g0nta-g0kuhara]

Maybe if i close my eyes and think about it hard enough I can pretend that maki and shuichi hugged kaito before he got executed

[planetxiao]

BYE— KNOWING WHAT I KNOW, THIS HURT :(

[alwyswnadie]

rip to the mustache </3 you will be missed terribly

[maybebi47]

losing the idgaf war so bad today whats wrong w me

[luverleaver]

The fact that on multiple occasions now Jake has called Sam “Sammy boy” LIKE HE HAS A NICKNAME FOR HIS LITTLE BROTHER

[boltupbitches]

I couldn't beat the scalpers to good tickets for the Chargers vs Steelers game at Acrisure. 😞 I cannot stomach spending over $1000 for two tickets to go see them play. I'm hoping to get some resale tickets by the September 22nd game... but if I don't, well then I don't 🤷‍♀️

[fishy006]

a small break from me freaking out over ao3 being down to me freaking out over finding out that THEY ANIMATED CH 101!!!! OMGOMGOMG!!!!! I need to catch up on the anime (I'm still waiting for my sibling ugh) but i'm so excited to watch it!!!AFSGHLJAFHKD

[trashlie]

You're right it's very possible that Nol had a fight with his mother... I was also moved to a different country as a child, and I remember having a phase where I resented my parents for it because I was promised all these good things, but all I got was homesickness and feeling lost in the new environment. It was probably similar for him, and it would make complete sense if he argued with Nessa about it. And related to what you sad about Nol being angry and bitter and hot-headed... I keep thinking about the dialogue that was like "He sent someone's son to the hospital" or something like that. We know it was not Kousuke, because he seemed physically fine after whatever happened. So it must be someone different then. And... Nol must have gone to school, right? Yes they were illegal immigrants, but surely Rand could have pulled some strings to get his son into a school. If he was homeschooled like Alyssa, we would probably know that, right? So, what if before the incident with Kousuke, Nol got into a fight, maybe even multiple times? Maybe those kids in school teased Nol for something. For looking different, the red hair, the freckles, his foreign name, maybe not speaking the language well. Maybe they were rumors going around about his mother, how she is a mistress, how his father is a skirt chaser, how Nol is an illegitimate child, how they're all bad people. Kids can be cruel and probably used less polite words, if you know what I mean. And Nol was already dealing with everything you mentioned. Maybe those kids pushed it too far and he snapped and lashed out. Similarly to what happened with Shin-Ae, basically. Except Shin-Ae was this small girl, she couldn't do *too* much damage (though the boy she fought looked pretty rough), but Nol was always big and tall for his age, so maybe he underestimated his strength and severely injured someone.

Think of it this way, too: One instance of being violent and unstable isn't really enough to justify locking a child into a mental facility for two years, especially with the media involved and the whole story being very public. There are procedures and protocols in place. Sure, Yui could've arranged it regardless. But what I think happened is that she got wind of the fight at school, and used it to her advantage. Made Nol appear like a repeat offender. There were already rumors and even "proof" of him being unstable and aggressive, which makes him getting violent again so much more believable, right. Much easier to convince everyone that putting him in the facility is necessary, that it's the right thing to do. It would also make it easier for Kousuke to believe Yui's narrative, because the kid attacked someone at school and you're his victim too but don't worry he is under control now you're safe. And most importantly, it would make it easier to make Nol believe that about himself. I didn't do anything to Kousuke but everyone keeps telling me that I did, so maybe I'm wrong? I know I lost control and hurt someone before, so maybe they're right and it happened again? Can I even trust what I remember, what I believe? Maybe there really is something very wrong with me? Maybe I am an unstable dangerous person that should be kept away from everyone? That deserves punishment? It would be so much easier to insert these beliefs into his head, mess with his memories and his self-perception, when there is undeniable proof of violent behavior and he probably already feels guilty about that and is starting to question himself...

First off, Nonny 💕 Thank you for sharing your experience 🥺 I can't imagine that must've been easy for you as a child to deal with such a radical change to your life.

But yes, I very much agree with you! I can't remember if I've ever said it on here or if it's only come up in my conversations, but I've been wondering for a while now if Nol DID, in fact, hurt someone. It used to be that I wondered if he really DID hurt Kousuke - quimchee has said before that they've had one fight. But a couple things never made sense. Wasn't it curious that he said "people got hurt"?

In retrospect, it seems like an odd way to put it - that he had issues plural and that was what kept them apart. People got hurt. Even the article that mentions the heir being attacked doesn't make it sound like Kousuke had to be hospitalized. But right, I agree he very well still could have sent someone's kid to the hospital with everything he had on his plate - his unhappiness, the hot-headed anger, kids being cruel and bullying him, spreading rumors, being xenophobic, etc.

There's also this

"Especially after hearing how you were treated in middle school."

This has stuck out to me ever since this episode dropped because of what we DO concretely know... nothing really fits that logic, does it? Had Nol ever fought Kousuke, that's not something that he'd think relates to Shinae being bullied and fighting a kid in act of desperation.

But if Nol was fighting kids, had really hurt someone and his very important father pulled weight so Nol got into less trouble... That feels like it could be something he fears will change her perception of him, what he thinks of her. Because right, even if he was lashing out after being pushed too far, the right button was pushed and he attacked, it's SO easy to see how he could turn that on himself. Further to this point, it sounds like he was put through anger management therapy and we know he uses his punching bag to let out his anger, we can absolutely see how very easily he blames himself, how HE could have been convinced of all of this. That he's unstable, he's dangerous, he needs to be subdued.

And further to that, it makes me wonder if punching Sangchul was parallel to what happened in his past. Again, Sangchul was the one taunting him, baiting him because he was certain Nol was too much of a coward to attack, so he pressed his buttons and Nol snapped. And what's more, Kousuke knows a LOT of intimate details about Nol and his family. Plenty of people know rumors about Nol and his institutionalization. Maybe Sangchul figired not only was Nol too much of a coward to act out but because he has a pre-existing record he couldn't lash out without getting into trouble.

And because everything is a parallel and Nol and Shinae are mirrors, it feels very likely that his own incidents with fighting and hurting someone were similar to Shinae's experience, where he reached his limit where it all spilled out where he lashed out at the people who were making his life hell and more miserable than before. Again, it's SO EASY to twist it around on him if he made that first move. "You should have just ignored them. You shouldn't have let their words get to you. You struck first. You hurt someone."

Likewise, it makes it so much easier to kind of brainwash him with this thinking in the hospital. To convince him that he's a bad person who deserves no kindness, who needs to be punished. As readers we get it, we understand. We see how he's been treated by people, reduced to nothing, made to feel like a bother, a mistake, that he only makes things worse. His mother's death looks like suicide, like she took her own life and abandoned him in this foreign country so far away from anyone he knows and left with this cruel family who treats him like he doesn't exist, shouldn't exist, and all of the kids who have bullied him and made him feel like shit. 😭😭😭

How easy it would be to convince this poor kid, this illegitimate bastard of the Hirahara family living as an undocumented immigrant in their shadow, that he is a terrible person who has hurt so many people who doesn't belong here who only hurts people, who can only bring harm to the people he cares about. It also would explain why he worked so hard at absolution - he believes he has so much to atone for.

And that's the worst part, isn't it? To know that he probably did fight, probably did hurt someone after putting up for so long with people taunting him, mocking, bullying him, that no one defended or protected him and when he reached breaking point, he was faulted for how he reacted. It sounds like no one gave him the help he REALLY needed, the understanding and compassion as well as the anger management. All too often when it comes to bullying we see this kind of thing, too. Those children were responsible for pushing his buttons but instead he gets blamed because he couldn't "just ignore them". Instead he was made to feel like a monster, to take all of the blame for not being able to handle what others did to him. Expecting people, especially children, to be able to carry that kind of stress, to live with those kinds of harassment and never to step in or defend them, to try to put a stop to it before it reached that stage. 😭

Once again and as always, these children were all failed by the adults meant to protect them and I will never get over it.

[impactplague]

i am out as trans in a mostly just. silent but understood way. in the sense that my boss was told my Status by my partner (weird situation) and has never once questioned or talked to me about it. and he just uses the right pronouns confidently 100% of the time when speaking to others and just expects everyone to catch up. and that’s great and nice of him. and im glad i am not misgendered by the person im interacting with the most and that matters the most to me. but going to these fucking events and doing meetings with other people outside of our company where im involved fucking sucks so bad

i feel like not being out and being misgendered is so much more bearable than you are out to a select few who are respectful but you must then endure others misgendering you in front of them. fucking infuriating i can’t handle this. i hate attempting to pass in a business setting. id rather eat my own eyeballs but what else can you do when this pays the bills