#I AM EXCITED FOR THE TRASH! ]

[gunsatthaphan]

"my apologies..."

[jade-of-mourning]

to see the next part of the dream

[choccy-milky]

A few months back, I asked if it was okay to write using Clora and Seb. Finished the work - thought I'd lost it on my hard drive and a virus scan located it.

Not sure if it's sad or happy, but the basic premise of it is Clora getting frustrated/upset at Sebastian and Sebastian comforting her, Sebastian getting upset at a predicament Clora's in and Clora comforting him, and them both getting frustrated/upset and having to comfort each other.

If you'd rather I didn't post it, that's fine too, but just wanted to test the waters and double check that you'd be okay with it if I gifted it to you via AO3, or see if you wanted a sneak peak of it before posting it.

OMG im so happy you were able to find it and recover the work you did!!😭🙏 AND YES OF COURSE YOU CAN POST IT AAA I CANT WAIT TO READ IT!! you can DM it to me first if you want, but i also dont mind if you post it straight away on ao3!! IM LOOKING FORWARD TO IT SM AAARGHHHA💖💖💖IT SOUNDS ANGSTY WE LOVE THE HURT/COMFORT I HOPE MY HEART CAN HANDLE IT🥺💖💖TY AGAIN FOR USING CLORA AND SEB AND TAKING THE TIME TO WRITE SOMETHING ABOUT THEM😭

@sunshine-goblin AAA THANK YOU!!! im honoured its your fav fanfic AND ALSO THE LONGEST YOUVE READ BAHAHAA fr, when you say its as long as four books in lotr it rly makes me realize how insane i am😃👍 aw IM GLAD I COULD INSPIRE YOU TO DRAW MORE AND WRITE AS WELL😭 I was curious so i creeped you and everyone go look at their HL blog @sunshines-legacy your MC is so cute and so is your art🥹💖 as for tips on writing a longfic and brainstorming and motivation and stuff, my motivation was my brainrot and unhappiness with the canon story/ending LMAOO, and looking at the story of the game and playing around with what i was unhappy with/what i WISHED could have happened instead, was a lot easier than just coming up with plotlines from scratch. but something i highly recommend is just OUTLINING and making a timeline, one of my fav parts of writing was just putting on some cafe ambience in the background and doing stream of conscious type word documents where id just barf ideas and then worry about making it pretty later....like look at how many versions of the same chapter i have BAHAHA or like different renditions bc i couldnt decide if id wanna keep a scene/what order, so id make a timeline and keep smoothing things out until i was happy with it and whatnot

brainstorming is defs my fav part of the process and the most helpful part to me. just getting a blank document and writing stuff you want to happen without worrying about how it connects to the story, and then a lot of the times as i was doing that id just keep going and it would kinda tie itself together/id come up with a solution as i was writing / once the ideas kept flowing. so basically : TIMELINES AND OUTLINES I VERY MUCH RECOMMEND, but very low pressure and barebones ones. for example, this is what my outlines/brainstorming look like

its honestly just me talking to myself LMAO, and a lot of the time ill interject and be like "OH YEAH AND THEN THIS CAN HAPPEN" as the ideas come while im writing BAHAHA. its a super fun process and honestly nothing feels better than just getting hit with that flash of inspo, and since its all very low effort theres no pressure to actually write well and its just a chill fun time AND GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR OWN PROCESS / WRITING💖💖💖it can be difficult but HOPE U HAVE FUN TOO💖💖

@a-little-lysdexic WAIT REALLY?? LMFAOO OMG THATS CRAZY....SAME BRAIN...🤝🤝...that would trip me up so much if i were you omg BAHHAHA but aside from having similar tastes in names, IM GLAD YOU LIKE MY ART AS WELL, TYY💖💖💖

THANK YOUUU im glad you're liking it!!! and that its taking over your life BAHAHA💖💖 the video you're thinking of was by @silverxstardust for chapter 13 of my fic, and you can watch the video here! (AND TY AGAIN TO SILVERXSTARDUST FOR DOING THIS!)

[alien-slushie]

Hans: Uh sir, about the Young Master...

Deruth: What did Cale do now?

Hans: Um, he brought a strange man to the mansion last night.

Deruth, staring blankly as he misunderstands what he just heard: ...he what?!

[jadeinretrogrde]

if you're not going to concede (that dimension 20 is the greatest show ever), what do you want me to tell your family?

[scorchedmizar]

Just realized I probably don't give myself enough credit for this account. Like this is a major step up from how I've ever roleplayed.

First account was just messing around with one person and our OCs in the "Character: *Action* Speech" format.

Second was with two regulars and a handful of others. I was using the " "Speech." Actions. " format but at most I'd write five sentences and there was already a bunch of predetermined lore I could leech off of. And that was 2020 where I had all the time in the world.

Now I've got this whole ass account where I've interacted with like 10+ people, have a consistent lore I'm trying to keep up, try to write a paragraph or two minimum per response, and go through college. No wonder I keep forgetting stuff and can't keep up with every mod like I used to.

Anyways shout out to all y'all that run blogs like this and haven't been completely burnt out. Especially y'all that are busy as hell and still keep up everything. o7

[roranicuspond]

endless gifs of dodge mason // 16/∞

[patchworkgargoyle]

Have an appointment with an endocrinologist on April 1st about starting T and aaaaAAAAAAAA

[airasora]

Me: *talks excitedly about finally owning a robot vacuum and mop* Very much NEW friend: "You're a bit of a nerd, huh?" Me: "How dare you! I am a HUGE nerd!"

[sleeeepy-demon]

I had my first IUD change today 🙏 i was so so scared but i did it and i am proud and also fucked in the brain cuz i havent slept and produced copious amounts of adrenaline, so i feel like sharing my feat with the world

[dennisboobs]

just found out my local library does indeed have sunny seasons 8-10 on dvd so i guess i'm ripping that shit tomorrow

i mean what. legally watching. legally playing them in my legal dvd drive. you will not see the efforts of this endeavor online in any way shape or form and definitely not find the bonus features uploaded to my internet archive at any point.

[atramenting]

woke up, had an introspective half hour in which i thought about how my mother tried so hard to stomp my identity out of me, and how she played a direct part in cultivating my self-loathing over everything from my weight to other aspects of my appearance, from my skintone to my eyebrows to the size of my hands and feet.

when i was younger, despite desperately wanting to be a boy, anything masc about me made me hate myself. anything fem ALSO made me hate myself, because it was all "wrong" -- either because it felt that way to me, or because of how my mother acted about it. she would force perm my hair - badly - because she didn't want me to have thick, wavy dark hair. she wanted me to have her perfect thin and bouncy blonde curly hair, otherwise i wasn't "pretty" enough. she would force me to wear earrings - but never the kind i liked. little plastic bright red things so people could see I Was Female even when she'd buzzed off all my hair (the one part of myself that i loved) instead of taking the time to comb the lice out. she would force me to wear makeup to school recitals and stuff - but never would it look good. she'd cake my face in the tones she wore, which were a few shades too dark/tan, use bright red lipstick, line my eyes with blotchy pencil, and if i begged her not to put it on me, she would scream and call me names and hit me and threaten to kill herself.

she would force me to wear "women's clothing" - except she would spend all her money on beer, cigarettes, and other drugs, so all my clothes came from the extended families of whatever boyfriend she had at the time. hand me downs that never quite fit, you know, and her favorites were always the gaudy blouses that only old ladies would wear to church. she'd pick the ugliest ones with lace ruffles and pearl buttons even if they fit me terribly, and i'd be forced to school in them. ill-fitting pants, tits spilling out of my too-small bras (which she also made a point to make fun of, even though i was eleven or twelve), ugly grandma blouses, poorly done makeup jobs in the style from when she was a teenager, and all my hair buzzed off so that people could see those hideous bright red earrings.

she told me, when i was in highschool and finally making friends, that if she ever found out i was gay - because my theater kid friends walked me home one time - that i would never be welcome in her home again. and if i did show up, that she would kill me. i never talked to her about my first heartbreak because she threatened my life over it. i never got to open up about the fact that my freshman year was awful because a junior girl liked me, that we made out one night, that she decided she was annoyed by idk the trivia i knew about anime, and so she -- and consequently anyone in the upper three years in that extended friend group -- suddenly refused to speak to me overnight. i stopped eating lunch or spending time anywhere except the library after school. mom should have been worried.

but i lost a little weight so it was good.

i got a job. i started buying my own clothes. i bought my younger brother's school supplies because mom wouldn't. i got kicked out at sixteen and had to live with the family i babysat for because my younger brother called the police one night when she and her boyfriend were having a drunken argument -- one in which a lamp got broken and my brother, shaking and sobbing and terrified, came into my room and woke me up and told me he called the police about 30 seconds before they knocked on my door -- the back door, because my "bedroom" was originally the back porch. the police waited politely when i told them i had to get dressed. my mother never showed me the same respect.

mom and her bf got arrested, and i disappeared from school. the timing was a little fucked, because there was a boy i liked who had asked me to be his gf and it was a few weeks before homecoming. we'd been on a couple of dates, and then i vanished for a week and a half or so before it was considered safe for me to go back to school. when i got back i told him that i wasn't ready to try dating right now, that there was too much going on with things i didn't want to talk about just yet. i didn't dare tell him i was facing homelessness bc my mother was released and told me i had three days to get out of her house. she refused to accept that the scared 9 year old called the police. she thought i had done it. and blamed me for letting the police in. (the police explained that they were going to have to break down the door because of the domestic violence call. like. did she want them to do that in a rental? haha)

anyway, that guy and his friends all also decided to cut me off, so that was great. even though we'd like. not kissed or anything. he could not fathom what could possibly be going on that i wouldn't want to focus on ~high school romance~. (his mother was the school secretary and SHE knew what had happened. she offered me hugs and was so much help over the next couple of years bc she knew i didn't have parents or legal guardians to help with anything. she was the one i talked to any time i had to call out of school, and she never pressed the matter. she was a real saint.)

oh but also it turns out that that guy had major jealousy issues so i kind of dodged a bullet. he and a good friend wound up dating a year or two after graduation and he got intense and scary and emotionally abusive, so. i guess that worked out for me. anyway.

i was alone except for my two good friends after being cut off from anyone else who shared my interests. one was a year ahead of me, and it turns out that she was also not really a great friend, because she was using her friendship with me as a way to craft great stories for her other friends -- from the group that shunned me as a freshman -- about how i was so depressed that i was going to bring a bomb to school, or how i carried knives in my backpack (years before school entry scanners), or blah blah blah blahhhhh i don't even care anymore. she would up stealing my online identity and making accounts on furaffinity and stuff like that with it... which was kind of noticeable as.... she was the only person irl i'd ever shared my online presence with. hahahha. hah

also i did have knives. they were xacto knives from my art teacher, because scratchboards are the greatest fucking stim thing out there. and i always informed/asked my teachers if it was all right to work on art projects after i finished their assigned work, so they all knew i had them. tiny 1 inch blades. working on cute fuckin drawings of foxes and anime boys. so as you can imagine this is actually funny to me in some way, because even though she was being really malicious, all of my teachers loved me and, well, the "knives" were not an issue.

i got a little off topic there. anyway, what i'm saying is, once i managed to break out of my mother's oppressive management of what i should be, i realized that i was never going to be the pretty princess that she wanted me to be, and that i didn't want to be, anyway, because i was a boy and had always wanted to be a boy. i started buying men's clothes and it changed my life. i started hitting the gym and it was incredible. sure, i'm flabby and out of shape right now, but i have faith that if i pull through just a little longer, i'll be able to get whatever's wrong with me fixed, and i'll be able to start going to the gym again.

i learned that eyeliner can really enhance my face, as long as it's not like what mom forced on me. full racoon eyes on guys is hot. i also learned that makeup can help make me look more masculine -- with the proper contouring, that is, and darkening/shaping my eyebrows. (hell. just doing brow filler helps me look better REGARDLESS. thick eyebrows are so in XOXO) my hair is something that people are jealous of -- not something ugly or hideous that needs to be "fixed". it's a giant fucking mane of silver-streaked brown nowadays, and it's incredible, and i love it even if it's really warm and if sometimes my husband rolls onto it and there is hair on everything everywhere at all times and eternally i am SORRY about the shower it just looks like that now.

i learned that women's pants fit me better with how wide my hips have gotten, as men's pants unfortunately are not crafted for The Belly. but i can still pair them with a t-shirt and sandals and look perfectly fine. pants are just pants tbh. it doesn't make me squirm like it used to when i was forced into anything "feminine".

anyway. what i'm saying is like. you didn't win, mom, and i will always loathe you. i feel sorry for you in a way, but i also understand that your unwillingness to do any self-introspection or to work past your own narcissism is your own fuckin fault. you tried to kill who i was time and time again, and then flipped and tried to boo-hoo your fuckin way out of it the moment i had a community that helped raise me up instead of breaking my spine to fit me into that little perfect princess box.

it's a prince box now and i fit in there without having to hurt myself for your gratification.

[bogkeep]

first week back at school and ahhhhhh everything is a little overwhelming currently

- my living space is full of boxes i have simply not had the energy to unpack at all.... hopefully this weekend (but i have also been invited to a Social Event so WE SHALL SEE)

- this school year is going to have So Much Important Stuff happening inbetween the many weeks of practice placement

- such as The Academic Text

- AND i need to finish the big project i was supposed to have finished ages ago

- our teacher this year speaks swedish with a very thick french accent and i speak norwegian with a dialect, we really struggle to understand one another but maybe hopefully that will change over time.... please...........

- i'm stressed about Stupid Bureaucracy Stuff

- and im so so sleepytired :(((

- and it's too humid and warm for comfort :(((((

AT LEAST I HAVE CUTE SOCKS

purchased in a distraught jetlag haze and subsidized by my travel insurance. they're my favourites now

[ljubimaya]

I wrote like 200 words, which is so weak compared to the 1k words I used to write each night for the past two weeks or so

[nix-sacrificium]

Hello, I too believe Joaquin Torres should have been bent over the table longer

Hell, I can’t fucking blame you look at that face 🥹🥹

So that scene really just implanted itself in everyone’s mind then, huh. amazing 😌 We love to see it. Truly a tragedy, honestly, that they didn’t draw it out for longer but I guess they pushed enough for Thoughts to form 🤔

[mossterious]

the autism won today, I’m building a giant puppet