#I AM HERE BECAUSE I AM BUNNY MASK: character study.

[brutalmasks]

margaret atwood, the year of the flood // han kang, human acts // may sarton, a durable fire: poems // tracie macvean, claustrophobia // george r.r. martin, a game of thrones // anne sexton, a self portrait in letters // ada limón, the echo sounder: lucky wreck // mary oliver, summer morning // robert mora, untitled // laurie halse anderson, speak

[darkdevasofdestruction]

The Idiot ~ Fyodor Dostoevsky

In which the reader is the last Russian princess from our contemporary times and Fyodor is there to watch, observe, analyse and write a novel while being the reader’s sort of guardian/mentor, all while reader finds herself in an impossible, almost-Anna Karenina-like situation that drives her to desperate decisions.

And yes, I’m very much basing this story Dostoevsky’s “The Idiot” novel, Tolstyi’s “Anna Karenina” and Katyusha, both the Russian song, and the “Resurrection” novel from Tolstoy that has Katyusha as an unfortunate, yet important character.

Also, a little nod to our dear Ana Lesko for her song “Anicyka Maya”, which will serve as a cute little nickname for our dear reader, although the song is Romanian, and it’s about a seductive woman. 

Other nicknames will include: Kiska ( kitten ), Zaika ( bunny ), Kroshka ( little one ), Krasotka ( gorgeous ).

I’m not Russian, I don’t know about Russia’s culture, history and language as much as I know about my own, obviously, but as ex-commie & ex-USSR, we still have a shit ton of similarities. Nevertheless, I will try not to get into too many details that will compromise authenticity.

Luxury, glamour, wealth, gold, jewellery, diamonds, class, facades, masks, masquerades, social gatherings, lies, marriages, politics, horses, deals, gambling... These represent some of the few words people from everywhere around would describe the royal family.

Why do some still exist, anyway? Shouldn’t they have just completely disappeared at the same time with the Romanov family? ...Stupid cartoon movies and their resurrection of Anastasia...

Nobody truly cares about these rich rats who worked naught for their wealth, and would never understand the struggle and poverty of the normal citizens of Russia...They just live in their abnormally huge palace, having more servants than the population of Moscow and eat at one meal more than normal people do in one week altogether.

How utterly ridiculous.

Their lives are all perfect, they marry themselves to keep that ridiculous purity and their infinite wealth in the family...How atrocious!  What about charity? Kindness? Altruism? Helping out the common folk?

All these thoughts, and you’d think a very bitter and vindictive, very poor and malicious person came up with, and yet, the reality was rather distorted. 

From the top stair of the palace, in a dark room, sitting on the windowpane, a gorgeous young woman cast her dull eyes over the snowy city and the people hurrying down the roads, hoping to go home before it got too late and cold.

Maybe they were poor and hateful, and rightfully so, she’d say, but perhaps they can also be deemed happier, if they can take into account their freedom...As much as the government provides them, at least - Yet even so, even the poorest person held more freedom than this caged bird, forever trapped and shackled by fate from the second she was born...As if she had any choice, that is.

Perhaps she deserves this treatment, this hatred, this...Manipulation from her own family, who only see her as a political and financial pawn, planning her marriage from the second she first cried into this world... Like a martyr, she will accept all torture and live on, never knowing what ‘living’ truly means, only imagining it by reading all day and all night long, or when she plays the piano one of the many songs she learnt.

As the grandfather clock rang to 7 times to announce dinner time, Y/N dressed in a simple, yet elegant dress, put on a pair of classy black stiletto shoes, and went down to the luxurious dining room, sitting in her usual seat, only for a brunet stranger dressed in white to grace the sight with his unexpected presence.

She didn’t dare speak to him, yet her eyes couldn’t leave his form, no matter how her meek demeanour made her hung her head to avoid showing anything other than her demure expression.

Thankfully, her parents arrived, along with the waiters that served the food, so it saved some of the awkwardness of the unknown.

“Y/N, darling, this man here is Fyodor Dostoevsky. He is here as a writer, wanting to learn more about us and about people in general. As a compromise, he agreed to be your personal guard...Considering the other one was a sacrilege to our dear daughter...What a lecherous man, making advances on you...But, anyway, let us toast to the success of this young man’s writing career!” the mother raised her champagne, and the four of them clinked glasses. “I thank you for the unique opportunity to learn and understand society and people better. May you live a long and prosperous life.” this new stranger held a charming smile on his face, trying to impress and buy everyone’s trust. “Do you have yet any idea about the theme of your novel? Or, perhaps an idea for a title?” the father asked, making the brunet shake his head softly. “No, not yet, unfortunately. I prefer to study hard, and only then, when I am educated enough, to allow the flow of creation to take over me.” this Fyodor nodded in acknowledgement, while the girl kept completely silent for the duration of the dinner, waiting for everything to be over so she could escape back to the little faux haven she created and called ‘safe’. “Y/N, show Mr. Fyodor to your room, he will be sleeping there for now on. The butlers already brought a spare bed there, so it’s alright.” the mother waved her hand dismissively, and the girl could only bow quickly and go back to her room, making sure to point out what each of the rooms represent, before reluctantly inviting him to her bedroom. “Please, make yourself at home, Mr. Dostoevsky. I hope it will be comfortable and to your liking. Should you need anything, please do not hesitate to tell me so we can make your stay as great as possible.” she spoke to him in a soft, meek voice, not daring to make eye contact in any way. “Call me Fyodor, no need for formalities. We are going to room together, might as well become friendly. What don’t you tell me about yourself? Your hobbies, your interests, your dreams, your aspirations.” the brunet paced around the room, observing all of her personal objects, which, turned out, except for jewellery, books, a small, pink Gloxinia, and a pickup with 1920s British vinyls, there was nothing to represent her...Which was, in its own way, an intriguing peculiarity. “I...Like reading, flowers, music...And I wish I could get a dog and learn how to play the violin too. There aren’t many interesting things about me...I’m not special or anything out of the ordinary. I am not allowed to put myself out there in any way, so this is the little I could do to express who I am.” so tried to be as vague as possible, fidgeting on her feet uncomfortably, knowing that the punishment for embarrassing the family would be grave, should it be known. “Hmmm...I see, I see...Ah, you’re a Tolstoy reader, I see. Anna Karenina...Very interesting, yet tragic, wouldn’t you say?” he asked, picking up a book that was supposed to be hidden. “N-No! Don’t take that out of there...Nobody can know I have it. I was strictly forbidden from reading it...Please don’t tell anyone I have this book.” the princess snatched the book from his hands, hiding it further back in the bookshelf. “Ohh~? Why would you not be allowed to read a Russian book? You’d think the Russian princess would be urged to read Russian literature.” he stepped in front of her, picking her chin and raising her head slightly to allow him to look deep into her fawn-like eyes. “Because of the ending...And the controversial decisions Anna made, some of them even contradictory to her own beliefs, and yet, she made her own decisions, at some point in her life. When your fate is decided from before you are born, having opinions is the worst enemy of a puppeteer...Wouldn’t you agree?” she muttered, walking away from him, taking her nightgown and walking towards her bathroom.

This made the man think more about how dysfunctional this supposed perfect royal family actually was. The illusion of a flawless individual, living together, forming a flawless family, a flawless life, in a flawless palace. 

Perhaps facades aren’t as obvious to see through, or understand, for while the parents are completely bland...This girl...So much potential locked away in a timid chest of massive oak wood, embellished with overly expensive jewellery, clearly unwanted. She could be a genius, shining in her happiness, glowing like her dazzling smile, and yet, there she is, eclipsed by chaff, when she could be burning brighter than the morning Sun.

Those parents of hers think he wants to be here and get dazzled by the infinite stream of diamonds that keep flowing around the whole place - And yet, perhaps they are the ones living in mental poverty, considering they believe financial wealth and fame is the sole reason for being alive - To uphold a certain kind of status that they worked naught for, but received hereditary, from one lazy deadbeat to yet another generation of useless people for this society.

They truly are like the plague, incredibly rare nowadays, but completely fatal once you fall grasp to their dark claws that drag you to hell to succumb to their completely fictional utopian world that they create only amongst themselves, as if whatever lives beyond these golden walls is putrid and deserves to rot to pieces.

As his mind wandered farther and farther away down the country, snowy roads he created with his own imagination of thoughts, he heard the bathroom door softly open, and the angelic creature garbed in a thin - Possibly silk, snow white nightgown - Stepped back into their now shared room, and just as before, her demeanour resembled that of a small, frightened fawn, or a bunny.

When you have to deal with such a pure being that could completely shatter, it’s difficult not to impulsively break down all walls around and snatch her away - It’s close to impossible not to attempt to test all existing boundaries and see the limits where she would break...Or, almost, at least. 

However, abstinence makes for a great suspense and greed...You want more...And more...And the more you wait, the harder it is to resist, but the satisfaction you get when the frail creature trusts you enough to eat from your own palm, and you finally claim it as yours...

It’s Heavenly.

“Sweet Dreams, Fyodor.” she spoke softly, putting on a Tchaikovsky vinyl and picking up a book, getting in bed and reading it, the only light still open being a dim lantern on her nightstand. “How would you like to show me around the city tomorrow?” the brunet asked so casually that it shocked the girl enough to drop her book on her lap. “O-Oh...U-Uhmm...I’m not exactly to go out of this place unless it’s for Christmas shopping...I’m sorry I can’t properly do as you wish...” she quickly took her book back, hiding her face to hide her embarrassment and disappointment. “Well, then, what a gorgeous coincidence, isn’t it? In barely two months, Christmas shall come, and then, you can properly show me around, correct?” the man mused, the ghost of a smirk playing on his face. “..You’re right! My, you’ll get to see the beautiful fairy light and Christmas decorations all around the city! I can’t believe it, you truly chose the perfect time to come here. Oh, and, the ballet, the opera and the national orchestra are going to perform...I believe The Nutcracker is going to play this year...And Traviata. It should be beautiful, don’t you agree?” Y/N asked with a soft smile on her face, sparks gleaming in her eyes, and for the first time since he’s met her, it felt like she was finally alive. “Yes, yes, I would have to agree. And if you are there with me, the experience will be even better.” he hummed, teasing the poor girl who had no idea what else to say to such bold affirmations. “O-Oh...W-Well...Th-Thank you...I-I think...Your presence there will also make the going out more interesting...And nice.” she offered a comeback that pleased the man well enough. “Good night to you as well, Printsessa.”

What a lovely young woman, he thought, as he closed his eyes and let his mind fly at different aspects of life and of humanity, trying to decipher each and every person he met that day and wondering if his assumptions were correct, as they always are.

Morning came by faster than expected as a shy ray of of Sun creeped inside the room through the window, but Fyodor was already awake, writing at the desk rather rapidly - Most likely, he had some inspiration hitting him, so he proceeded to pour out his conflicting thoughts on the paper, all while stealing a peek from time to time at the girl sleeping peacefully, almost as if she was a Disney Princess.

The way the soft light caressed her face had him take the stray streak of h/c hair and pull it back so it won’t tickle her awake, while also being allowed to watch her peacefully inhale and exhale, a small smile on her face...Perhaps she was having a beautiful dream? Was that why she told him to have sweet dreams? Were her dreams her only lovely escape from this horrible reality she was forced to live in?

There were so many mysteries yet to be unveiled, but all in due time, as Fyodor noticed the gentle flutter of her lashes, and with a grace only reserved to a Swan Princess, she raised and stretched with a sweet hum, and the brunet man watched as his eyes felt absolutely blessed seeing such a beauty...

If people complained that Disney Princesses weren’t relatable, since they have messy hair when they wake up, just like Anna, they clearly haven’t seen how perfect Y/N looks, even as she blinks her sleepiness away.

“I see you slept well, Printsessa. Good morning.” she heard him speak, and she noticed it wasn’t as en garde and...It almost seemed...Pleased to see her. “Fyodor...You woke up before me. You should have woke me up. Please wake me up next time, I wouldn’t want you to feel lonely or upset. This place is like a piranha tank...Thread carefully, otherwise, you’re like a little animal who fell in.” she quickly got up, rushing through her daily routine so she could be by his side, not only because her parents assigned her to that, but also because this Dostoevsky man is the only little thing that could rip her out of her completely dull routine and show her a little bit of insight into what could be something out of her imagination entirely. “Aww, the little songbird wishes to spend time with me, how adorable. Very well, Printsessa, what is it that you want to do today? My job here is to observe and write, after all.” he asked, crossing one leg over the other, resting his chin on his fist, watching her with intense interest. “Oh, well, I have to practice the piano today, but other than that, I have nothing in my schedule.” she explained, guiding him to the music room that very much resembled a whole orchestra surrounding a place - Not too small, yet not too big either - Meant for ballroom dancing. “I bet the national orchestra isn’t as fancy as this place is.” he mused, walking up to the cello and tracing his fingertips across the chords. “...Do you know how to play it?” she asked, walking up to him, having the curiosity of a baby fawn exploring the world. “Would you like to hear?” he asked, sitting on the chair and expertly hugging the cello, he grabbed the bow and teased the girl with a mischievous look in his gleaming purple eyes. “Oh, yes, please, if it’s not too much to ask! It would be absolutely splendid.” Y/N clasped her hands together, grinning widely as she stepped a few feet away to give him enough space so he could start playing. “It would be my pleasure, Printsessa.” and with the nod of his head, he started playing the famous Sugar plum fairy song, making the girl gasp in surprise at how gorgeous it sounded.

She crouched to reach the perfect eye view of the bow gliding along the chords, her mouth slightly agape and she gazed with absolute wonder, not even realising when the song was over, for she was much too mesmerised.

“Well, Printsessa, how did you like it?” he rested his arms on the curves of the cello, leaning forwards for a better look at her. “That was better than even our national cello player! It was absolutely stunning, woaw...Just...You left me speechless! You’re...You’re...You are...Perfectly splendid!” she clapped for him rapidly and incredibly enthusiastic, making him chuckle in amusement at her cuteness. “Why, thank you, Printsessa. How about you entertain me now, little Anicyka Maya?” he carefully put the Cello in its place, stepping in front of her and caressing her porcelain skin, quenching his thirst for discovery by seeing her rosy cheeks. “Well...I can’t say I’m anywhere as great as you are...But, sure. I hope you will like it.” she looked down, fidgeting with her fingers as she hurried timidly to the piano, and taking a deep breath, cracking her fingers, she liter her fingers skillfully dance over the keys, as her voice followed every word of the song called “Katyusha”. However, she wasn’t expecting him to applaud and whistle to her, congratulating her for being such a beautiful nightingale. “You clearly underestimate your hard work and talent. Perhaps we should play together one day. I’m sure it would put a smile on your parents’ faces.” Fyodor bowed to kiss Y/N’s hand, only to hear the door opening. “Yes, Mr. Fyodor, we would quite like to hear the two of you dueting together. Since Y/N will have to perform both dance and a song at the piano, as a Christmas tradition, it will show how much she’s improved...If at all. I have to tell you the truth, Mr. Fyodor, over the past few years, she has been exceptionally disappointing...Well, perhaps you coming here will prove to give her a jolt in the right direction.” Y/N’s mother came out of nowhere in the music room, almost as if she was stalking the pair, and Fyodor could see how the Princess’ behaviour changed 180 degrees, and from the excitable and lively young girl, she went back to hide in her guarded shell, trying to protect herself from the numerous blows everyone throws her way.

And just as he expected, once they started playing, despite throwing in one or two intentional mistakes, while she had none of her own, the mother reprimanded her daughter, while praising him. He thought, at first, this was going to be some kind of tough love encouragement and determination she was trying to give the girl, but truly, it was nothing more than unrealistic dreams of an already flawless performance.

This family was nowhere close to being the perfect, or the most loving one, that was without a doubt. But being so horrible to your own daughter, humiliating her in front of a complete stranger, making her tremble softly while trying her best to keep herself from bursting into sobbing fits, was a whole different kind of cruel and unnecessary malice.

For some reason, Fyodor felt a certain kind of warmth in his chest...But not the same kind of warmth he feels when he is around Y/N, but something...Similar to fury. To rage. He was sure he never felt such a personal sort of offense, despite not being him that was belittled.

A terrifying sort of justice bubbled inside him, and he smirked, thinking about just one sole thing.

Crime and Punishment.

Fyodor hoped dearly that it would be only the maternal figure that was the problem, yet it seemed to be much worse, and the toxicity levels that kept vibing all over the place seemed to be equivalent to that of Chernobyl at the time of the explosion.

All throughout the week, he noticed the dirty looks all the staff was giving the Princess, possibly because she was being a shy and quiet pushover...But it went completely beyond his understanding how these servants would even dare be so rude to her, considering she is always so sweet to them, always forgives their mistakes and shares her whole allowance with them in equal parts...

But they complain it’s not enough. They complain others get more, or less, but clearly, they don’t care about that, they just want more and more money...They are greedy jackals who don’t care about the life or soul of a poor little lady who just wants to be happy...

But perhaps happiness isn’t meant for royalty.

A week until Christmas, and Fyodor was ready with the quick draft, and he left it on the desk for Y/N to read, and he couldn’t help but admire and drink in each and every emotion she would express on her lovely face with every word she read, every action, every chapter that stirred more and more conflicting feelings and thoughts battling together - Conflicts that she was trying so hard to hide, no doubt feeling his burning, hawk-like stare on her, analysing her as if she was a new specimen under a microscope.

She was great at hiding what she truly felt, yet her eyes betrayed her inner self, the sparkling of nostalgia and sadness crawling out, shrieking at the top of her lungs to be discovered and taken out of this well of darkness she was drowning in - She wanted to be saved, she was at her breaking point, and clearly, she was afraid. 

Afraid of life. Afraid of people. Afraid of her family. Afraid of this society. Afraid her own self. Afraid of her actions.

And most of all.

She was afraid of spiritual, mental and emotional imprisonment.

As Christmas approached with rapid footsteps, Fyodor could notice how Y/N stiffer, more silent, flinching more, keeping herself in check, alone, barely speaking to anyone...Clearly, she was being stressed out and afraid of the consequences of screwing up anything.

Perhaps, the problem here was the fatalist and completely out of her control destiny she was thrown in, and she knew from the very beginning that, no matter how flawless her performance was, she would still be reprimanded and punished, so she resigned herself to this kind of treatment...The same as every year.

“It’s so beautiful outside...And it’s snowing...! So soft and cold...It’s almost numbing you entirely, but the beauty of Christmas still melts down even the most frozen of hearts.” she spoke with such sadness dripping from her tongue, that Fyodor felt the need to take his fur hat and put it on her head before taking a hold of both of her hands, rubbing them together and kissing her knuckles. “It’s not the day or the decorations that are supposed to move a person, but the kindness and altruism of people. From what I’ve seen in the past weeks, the only consistency in this place is the beauty of your heart and the cruelty of everyone else that keep eclipsing you. You deserve better than this, kroshka.” the man spoke simply, waiting to see the way she’d react. “...I didn’t choose this life, nor did it choose me, yet here I am, trying to keep my head above the water in a whirlpool. I have all my life planned and written ahead of me, and there’s nothing I can do about it. From the very beginning, since before I was even born, they knew they will sell me out to some old, rich man, just so they could benefit, but they cared naught about my well-being, as long as I could keep him entertained in any way possible. The least I can do is try to enjoy the little things...Even if they are nothing more than just that...Little things.” she admits to him, taking away her hands and holding them to her chest, too afraid to trust her own heart. “You let the servants make a mockery out of your kindness. You let your family humiliate you in front of everyone. You let common folk bash you, even if you tip them greatly...Tell me, krasotka, have you read the draft to my book yet?” they continued to stroll down the cobbled streets, looking up at the snowflakes gently dancing in the light of the lamposts, as Fyodor carried most of her shopping bags that held Christmas gifts for everyone but herself. “Yes...I did...But I did not finish it. I was much too afraid to read the ending of it.” she nodded to him, biting her lip nervously. “Afraid? Why ever would you be afraid of reading some words made of ink on a piece of paper?” the man frowned in confusion and interest, hearing such a peculiarity of an answer. “Because...Because I know that Prince Myshkin actually represents me...And how life treats me...So I’m afraid the ending will hint to Anna Karenina’s ending...And I don’t want that. I don’t...That’s why I’m afraid...I’m scared that...I’m scared that I won’t be able to endure this madness anymore, and sooner, rather than later, I will shatter into an unrecognisable version of myself that not even I will decipher...And I will do scary things that I would otherwise be afraid of even thinking about. You know I read the book, I wouldn’t put it past you to tease me like that.” she smiled ironically, shaking her head to stop herself from shuddering at such a dreadful thought. “Congratulations, Printsessa, you are surely insightful. However, I must advise you to read it, and keep in mind that you are not entirely wrong in your thinking. While the ending isn’t identical to Tolstoy’s novel, it isn’t on the complete opposite spectrum either. What you read is one of the possible outcomes of your life, should you choose to remain a passive onlooker and let everyone control you, like a little, pretty doll. Should you, however, choose to take fate into your own hands and finally make your first choice of your life...I can promise you, you are going to be much happier.” Fyodor kissed her forehead before leading her back to the palace so she could take the day off...For tomorrow, she must perform.

But the author wasn’t lying, Y/N realised as she spent the last hours past curfew to finish the book, and she realised that while Myshkin didn’t kill himself, he was still dead inside, and just like the catatonic state he was stuck into, she has been living a life of complete comatose herself.  Fyodor was right all along - A life without choices is not a life, nor is it one without freedom and happiness - And maybe, for the first time in her life, she would make the most difficult decision the universe threw at her, and that was to choose between Duty and Happiness, something every royal member, especially women all over the world, who were seen as nothing more than political and decorative objects meant to create heirs and nothing more, had to pick, and dutifully chose to sacrifice themselves to keep the family and the nobility going.

But not anymore....

“You look beautiful today, my little zaika. This velvet colour of your dress, the way it highlights you stunning silhouette...And this jewellery...And your hair and make up...You are above and beyond the most beautiful person to ever grace this life. How are you going to enchant us today?” Fyodor pat down his white suit so he would look completely impeccable...Or, perfectly splendid, as Y/N would say. “Does it truly matter, in the end? Nobody but you will pay attention, and at the end of the day, I will only hear critiques. It’s the same every year, so there is no point in bothering to stand out, have any particularity or give a name. It just...Is. So...Let me get this over with so I can go to my room and pretend this day never happened...Again.” she muttered, hooking her arm to his, entering the big ballroom together.

A ton of people were there, not only family, but enough family ‘friends’, all of them incredibly rich, with a combined fortune great enough to buy the whole Russia somehow...And all eyes were on her. She didn’t mind. She was used to the nervousness and the either critical or lustful stares she received - But only during these kinds of events, and because she was a Princess, otherwise nobody would have cared about her existence or her feelings...

Nobody...Except for Fyodor.

Until the time of his arrival, nobody cared about her, nor did they bother trying to understand or talk to her, and yet, here he was, always by her side, and frankly, she fell in love with him. She, for the first time in her life, cared naught about everything surrounding her, and she thought solely about him and their time spent together. That is all that mattered to her.

So, with that in mind, and a warm heart, she performed the Waltz of Flowers flawlessly at the piano, along with a few other songs, adding some festive ones. Fyodor was absolutely captivated by the spells she put on people whenever she radiated with such pure gentleness, just like Christmas’ true angel.

Her fingers glided so gracefully over the keys, as she hummed along the music, not even bothering to look at the sheet, for she new everything by heart - But somehow, it all sounded even more magical than before, and nobody could tell why.

But Fyodor knew, and he smiled, figuring out her trick. And he was going to call her out for that when this whole charade was over.  But for now, he allowed himself to enjoy bathing in her radiating warmth, for she was shining brighter than the Sun itself.

By the time she finished her little repertoire, she did a pretty courtesy and walked to the man in the white suit, taking a glass of red wine and sipping from it, that gentle smile never leaving her face.

They exchanged no words, but there was no need for that, as the look in their eyes spoke more than anything else, and they danced the night away, together, in graceful and intimate waltzes, or swaying together, keeping their hearts glued together, beating in sync and feeling each other’s heat.

She might not have wanted to end up like Karenina, but she wasn’t too far away from her situation, and she knew very well, should she leave with this man, she was going to break down every rule, and find an identity for herself, after all these years.

But happiness is emphemeral in the life of a Princess, and just before the Christmas Ball ended, her parents dragged her to the table of this old man, so they would share gifts. This old man, who so happened to be the man chosen to be her future husband, and had fewer hairs on his head and teeth in his mouth than her age.

Most of the gifts were pretty basic - Jewellery for women, cigars, fedoras, watches for men...But for her...She received some of he oddest gifts so far - And yet, she thought life couldn’t surprise her anymore.

Several little outfits, fit for babies, were neatly folded in all boxes, sans one - The sole box being a small, velvet box, which revealed a sapphire ring that expressed the definite bond of marriage that must be officiated very soon, through papers and a church ceremony.

Frozen was the clock, frozen was the time, and frozen was life itself, for the shock was great - Being put on the spot is scarier than the anticipation and fear of venturing into the unknown - Yet here she was, with her supposed fossil of a husband, with several babies promised to be born, and a very angry author, watching the disgusting exchange of pleasantries between the elder people.

He noticed Y/N doing a little courtesy, excusing herself with a nervous smile, and rushing out of the ballroom, the clicks of her elegant heels giving away her location at all time. Following her, he saw her on the edge of the rood, barefoot, her back to the empty space, as she hummed, looking up at the clouds pouring snow, and swaying to her tippy toes occasionally.

“You sure like the feeling of being alive, don’t you? Otherwise you wouldn’t be staying there after being faced with such a disgusting situation.” he pointed out, clasping his hands behind his back and carefully stepped towards her. “Life is full of surprises. But it is not called life, unless you have a say in the paths that you go down by. Today, I realised what I have to do in order to achieve true bliss and happiness...Something ethereal, although utopian in its quintessence. I have to make a choice. And right now, I’m making it.” she smiled, extending her arms to the side, resembling a Goddess, as a few stray tears streamed down her face - But they were tears of relief, not of fear, anxiety of depression. She was happy. “You said you didn’t want to choose the path of Karenina, nor of Myshkin, and yet, there you are, on the brink of death, as the way to show that you are no longer a caged bird. Is it truly worth it, in the end?” Fyodor asked, frowning at the delusional words she was spewing. “Death is but the beginning of a new adventure, and with me falling, I will find out what freedom is, unlike all the other Princesses before me. It is not death I’m choosing, nor will I regret it as soon as I step into this free fall hazard, like Karenina, and, as you can see, I chose to wake up from my catatonic state, unlike Myshkin. I know what awaits me as soon as I reach the ground...But do you?” Y/N hummed in amusement, watching the conflict painted all over his face - And it was for the first time that Fyodor showed such confusion and inner turmoil, that much was obvious to her. “Stop this, Y/N, I don’t understand your reasoning, but don’t kill yourse- “ but he couldn’t finish his sentence, for the girl uttered just a few words - Words that changed even the rotation of the Earth around the Sun - And as she pushed herself on the tips of her toes, she embraced the cold wind of Winter being her guide down to the ground, as she watched the snowflakes following her down.

And she smiled.

Because love won, and life won, and she knew she chose correct - These weren’t the times to choose everyone else over herself anymore, and nor is she a saint, a martyr, an angel, or some perfect Christian role model.  She was just a woman thirsting for happiness and for the tangible sensation of life and of flying, and with this jump, she got completely wasted.

The secure embrace of a white angel made sure she lived for another day, but not quite, for her guardian angel jumped to save her, yet had no idea himself that he wasn’t the only special one, after all, and just as they were going to reach the ground, time seemed to stop, and they reached the ground gracefully and softly, like two linked feathers.

She lay down on the crystal blanket of snow, laughing mirthfully, almost with a childlike charm, as her long hair was sprawled all over her, and Fyodor’s arms were fiercely holding her, and he looked down at her, his eyes wide in understanding.

“I didn’t choose death. I chose life. I chose love...I chose you, and I chose me. I knew you had an ability too, and that you were confident in it, so I was sure that, should you choose to, you could jump from the roof of the palace to save me - Which you did. I never really have the opportunity to use my ability, but it’s rather useful in some situations, if I can say so myself. So, by the way you’d respond to my feelings and actions, I’d know whether I chose right or not...I think we both know the answer now, don’t we?” she grinned mischievously, extending a hand to his face to caress it gently. “That’s the most idiotic, most reckless thing anyone has ever one...And yet, you strategised everything, as if we were pieces in a game of chess. How did you get the courage to reach such a conclusion?” his voice was low, like a murmur, trying to understand her impossible, labyrinthine mind. “Life offered me a Christmas gift today, and that was serendipity, so, I used it. Everything else was a perfect strategy of a game of chess I played myself - The White King versus the Black King - And, was far as my luck and the universe brought about, I believe I won. But you must still answer back, otherwise, the magic will vanish.” Fyodor noticed a smirk growing on her face - One that somehow resembled his, and he almost felt conflicted seeing her mimicking him in his demeanour, in a way...But he also felt incredibly proud. “I cannot take you with me, Y/N. The part I walk is dangerous, it could even be fatal, and I would rather you not walk down a boulevard of broken dreams. You just now achieved happiness, don’t throw it out of the window. It a world full of crimes, I choose to be both the justiciar and the executioner of the unworthy. In a world of crime, I shall inflict punishment upon the evil-doers and paint this world red with the blood of the guilty.” he wanted her, he truly didn’t want to leave without her, nor did he want to leave her alone, here, with these hyenas, but could he really have it in his heart to endanger her so? “Fyodor, my darling, it matters naught for me whether I live or die, as long as the journey is by your side, and I’m not shackled anymore. I want to see, I want to hear, I want to touch, I want to taste, I want to smell, I want to learn. Everything. Without exception. There is a whole world out there, open, waiting to be explored and unveiled, and I shall be its explorer. As long as I have you by my side, I will surely be fearless. Being a hero, being a villain, or anything in between is of no concern for me...However, I cannot deny that I would be rather...Interested in seeing you deliver the sentence down to...Some specific people.” she giggled, winking at him, as she obviously hinted towards her kin and the unlimited amount of gossips she has heard about so many people, over the years.

With a wide smirk on his face, Fyodor Dostoevsky helped Princess Y/N on her feet and gave her a passionate, fire-like kiss, before picking her up bridal style and making their way to her room, so she would start packing and leave at the earliest convenience.

There may still be a bit of official work to do at the palace, and as his ability is called, there is no crime without punishment, he was going to make sure of that. Until then, there was one thing certain, and one alone, that was going to guide the both of them to a path of exciting uncertainty and thrill.

“I love you, my dear Y/N.”

[zoocross0vers]

HERE WE…GOOO!!!!🦔💨

Sorry for not posting this sooner, I had some problems with scanning and lighting but I’m glad that is finally done. Here are some doodles of Sonic/Zootopia crossover from my 2 favourite movies. Those two movies are complimenting each other. Remember when I told you how Tom👦 and Maddie👩🏾 (these are names of those characters from Sonic movie) remind me a lot of Nick🦊 and Judy🐰? Well, after I watched the movie (10 times in cinema, 15 times at home after pandemy, don’t judge me!), it turns out that they have lot in common indeed that I thought. Those are my favourite moments from movie with Nick and Judy as Tom and Maddie and so does other characters from Zootopia (I really enjoy also that scene akward conversation about shooting Sonic with tranq-gun, that is hilarious for me). Wish I could include more but unfortunately after I drew I realized that my paper is not big enough, dang it! Thankfully I was able for example including at least 3 important moments like Sonic looking at happy couple behind window wishing been part of company, because of fear of him all alone forever, which it saddening him (😢 „sniff“ can someone please give that kid a hug?!😭), Ozzy licking Sonic’s face (awwwwww :3) and of course “THE FINAL BATTLE WITH ROBOTNIK” (at least the confrontation). The only thing I didn’t include was Longclaw and echidna tribe, since they had small screen and I small space (dang it!). Which is bummer because I really like Longclaw, she is really interesting character and wish we could see more. There were only two scenes of her, the one from begging of the movie and the deleted where she end up in earth with Sonic for some time but died from s-sicknes-ss “sniff”😢 (I’m sorry for that but this moment always makes cry every-time I watching it😭, it’s just really personal for me for certain reasons.). I guess you questioning the Ozzy licking Sonic’s face scene considering there are no domestic animal, including dogs and Zootopia is world of anthromorphic mammals, so I thought I would use Yoshi as Ozzy as a cameo from Mario (you know because of friendly rivalry between Sonic and Mario) and also as a gift for Yoshifan, especially after seen many pictures of Nick and Yoshi who’s calling him “Mama Nick” and I found it pretty funny. After I started drawing I realized there are some obstacles that would be problem like (aside from Ozzy) raccoons, bear-head from Piston Pit, chilli-dogs (considering what meat they put on these things if, IF it is a meat), the Sonic’s shoes (the old and new ones) and of course Robotnik himself considering I don’t want to change him into some mammal. Like I said before Robotnik works better as human and he doesn’t need to change to an animal considering he put animals from Sonic’s world, anthromorphic and normal, always in danger or abuse (like making them into badniks, or robotized them). So, how are gonna fix it you ask? Well I have some idea. Like I said before for Ozzy I choose Yoshi for that role (and honestly I don’t have any other options, heheh. BUT you must admit that it is adorable 🥰), raccoons were a challenge so I came multiple ideas for example:

Instead of raccoons we use gerbil jerks from Zistopia concept art

Raccoons will be anthromorphic teens who like mess with Nick while eating from trashcans (like Mr. Big said, evolved but deep down still animals)

Since mammals are sentient how about use non-mammal “trash pandas”(lol, I like that nickname) like birds as ravens, crows or pigeons (pigeons are also known as “flying rats” – thank you Spies in Disguise)

Those are mine options, if you have other in mind I’m listening.

Then there’s taxidermy bear-head. Considering that pouching would classified as not just illegal but also as psycho (still not get over that taxidermy Moose-head from Sly 2. Yeah I know that was part of mission to blend in to not rise a suspicion but seriously, WHY those Moose have that head, did they just-…you know what let’s not think about it😖) I came up with idea instead of taxidermy bear-head how about some mask of unusual mascot like the manticore from Onward, eh eehh? (Or it can some dino but I rather prefer manticore). As for those motorbike gang at first I want to suggest those Ranger Scouts. That would be delightful punishing them that way (evil chuckle😈). But then I remembered the trash gang from Zootopia comic “A hard day’s work” and to be honest those characters are ideal for those roles: wildebeest could the black cowboy, elephant as the belly guy (oh come on, like you didn’t think same nickname after seen Sonic sprung out of his belly) and hyena with green Mohawk as of course the Bear-head jerk. But if you want combine them be my guest.😁

As for chilli-dogs since are Sonic’s favourite we cannot left them behind. Thankfully I was watching on YouTube where there mentioned Tails been vegetarian and one comment that said “Chilli-dog: Am I joke to you?” that made conversation about mobians been vegetarians. So in that case since Zootopia is filled birds (and sometimes bugs), and synthetic meat, proteins, probably tofu, we can assume that there are Chilli-dogs made especially in Zootopia universe (and honestly we do not really know, what exactly hot-dogs are truly made of).🌭

👟The shoes were honestly a very hard obstacle for me considering mammals don’t wear shoes since they are still animals, like our directors said, BUT that doesn’t mean they don’t exist in Zootopia.

Evidence 1: Gazelle – she’s wearing high heels from Preyda

Evidence 2: Poster of (parody) movie Cinderellephant, with elephant-size glass slipper

Evidence 3: Judy Hopps – she wears half-sockets in her police uniform (that still does count as a foot-wear)

So I came with headcanon that only celebrities and patients with sensitive feet wear shoes as a luxury or medical protection (I mean we have a lot of animals that can’t live on different area with their conditions, come on have someone of you seen a polar bear live in Sahara Square?) and in this case it’s the latter (plus there is in this story a human character that needs his own footwear) since Sonic is wearing his running shoes considering that his speed is high enough to burn his feet (ouch🤕).

And finally with Robotnik, we use that orphan idea and certain headcanon from Sonic X about planets that once were one until they divided and made their own time and space alterations, prof. Gerald Robotnik (Eggman’s grand-father) could study Mobius for finding cure for Maria, creating Shadow, G.U.N. etc. It could be three worlds (Sonic’s world/Mobius, Robotnik’s world/our world, and Zootopian’s world) or just two (Mobius and Zootopia), what works better.

As you can see there are some characters I included in in certain scene (aside from Yoshi), I present to you Judy’s niece named Cotton and one of Judy’s (many) sisters Violet Hopps. No, those are not an OC from any fandom, those are official characters from Zootopia universe. You already actually know Cotton but for those who don’t know who is Violet, she was introduced in Zootopia Graphic Novel in comic named “Brothers & Sisters” and considering how she is very overprotective of Judy (like any other Hopps) I thought she would fit perfectly for Rachel role (I don’t think she’s Cotton’s mother so don’t ask), and also she’s the only official Hopps sibling with name we know. I wanted also include another characters into this doodles but I like I said before I didn’t have enough space on one paper. So here are my character ideas: Clawhauser as Wade, Bogo as Major Bennington, Mayor Lionheart as Commander Walters (no surprise). For others like Crazy Carl and Agent Stone I had some problems.

For Crazy Carl I first thought about who would fit perfectly and I came up with a lot of ideas: first I thought about Duke Weaselton, since he has face for that crazyness but then I declined since he doesn’t fit on the character, then I thought about Pop-Pop Hopps but that was questionable considering in movie he had a huge aversion of foxes (red as devil) and comic he’s not biased but then I thought who could describe Crazy Carl better than well-known concept crazy theorist Honey Badger am I right?

As for agent Stone I had no idea what to do with him. I could let him stay as but that would make questions of humans and I didn’t want to put Bellwether into this position. If she was unhappy of been unappreciated and humiliated by predators then I don’t think she would really want to work with someone who is full of himself more than her and only see humanity as an excuse of stupidity and “herd of useless sheep (get it?)” and only relay on machines. And characters from Zootopia Crimes was not an option and Jack Savage was out of question no in my point. Not saying that Jack Savage could be a great option but I don’t think fans would appreciate another bad guy role for Jack and I already have something different for him in my mind. Then it came another that would fit for Stone and that is a certain platypus Dr. Starline from Sonic The Hedgehog IDW comics. He admires Eggman and his evil genius (questionable) and in comics he’s working as partner/assistant for him. But since he is mobian as Sonic we could use idea that government knows about it (partially) but does not tell and he thinks that he is an unusual zootopian platypus (after all he does wear clothes and looks “more” normal unlike Sonic) and we could do the same with Robotnik considering his past about grand-father and project Shadow if Jeff Fowler would follow some headcanons (I wouldn’t surprised if some government keeping some secrets even from employers). But then again we could use also Tony, a bunny from Zootopia Crime Files since he is shady and bland at once and already wear a suit, like agent Stone (great, now I don’t know which one to choose again).

You know what, I’ll give you an option who would fit for role of Agent Stone:

1. Dr. Starline, a platypus from Sonic The Hedgehog IDW comics

2. Tony, a bunny from Zootopia Crime Files

3. Jack Savage, a jackrabbit from Zootopia concept art/Savage Seas (you don’t have to take that third one too seriously, but just in case)

DONE (pass out from exhaustion). Haahhh so much work, editing fixing hands, oohh boyyy. You have no idea how hard this was for me to finally made it. I wish I could do more. But for now I’m so glad that I was able to draw at least some of my favourite moments because I feel they’re important for storytelling: first the introduction of main characters, their struggles, interactions and how they greatly compliment to each other (both Sonic and Zootopia). I mean you can’t just see Judy call Nick and Sonic cute and not imagine that, or there was also moment where Sonic dry like dog so his fur and quills(?) go puffy and Nick would look mesmerized by fluffiness. Come to think of it Sonic has lot in common with Nick and Judy that he would actually fit for the role as their son. You’re not believe? Well here are some examples.

Similarities between Sonic and-

-Judy🐰:

1. heroes in blue (get it?)🌀

2. pretty fast (Sonic more faster than Judy but still…)

3. impatient😤

4. first act then think (always put themselves into danger)

5. thing for get into trouble

6. sense for justice

7. never give up

8. preys but not rodents (that’s right hedgehogs are not rodents)

9. became a friend with fox (their natural predator, that was bullied in past, huh strange, just as strange as hedgehog be taken care of by owl that is also his natural predator)

-Nick🦊:

1. sly smile😏

2. mischievous trickster

3. green eyes

4. omnivores (hedgehogs eat melons, watermelons(what’s the difference?), berries (blueberries headcanon!) and insects, snails, frogs snakes🤢- uhhh I think chilli-dogs works better thank you)

5. cringy sense of humor😒

6. thing for nicknames (by Nick: Carrots, Buffalo Butt, Yakity yak, Flash Hundred Yard Dash, by Sonic: Donut Lord, Pretzel Lady, Eggman, Knucklehead, Super Observant Carl)

7. loyalty (they never left their friends behind)

8. never let them see they get to you (despite suffering a lot of emotional damage, thanks a lot SEGA)

9. smooth talker with heart of gold

-both🐰 🦊:

1. traumatic past

2. sacrifices for others

3. fight for what is right

See they had a lot in common. Anyway I am still glad I was finally able to finish this. It wasn’t easy but it was worth it.

But I guess, that I made it hard for you with those moments so how about this we use the final moments like in your fanfic Carcass Bride: FINAL BOSS BATTLE SONIC VS. ROBOTNIK because honestly this moment is epic (wish I could make it bigger), it would start Sonic running from Robotnik, like we’ve seen in beginning of the movie, get shot retelling in short whole story, like in movie only less detailed and faster the confrontation between Nick and Robotnik (Sonic would unconscious but still hear them and had a self-doubt like Naruto in first chapter/episode if you what mean until he hear the important words that’ll give him boost), the final battle and then epilogue (Sonic with his new family) with open ending (you know the Eggman in Mushroom planet and then Tails’s introuction). As for what kind of universe all of them would be I have another suggestions:

1. Sonic movie universe in Zootopia (but still happening in Green Hills only Zootopia would be San Francisco and Transamerica could be Palm Hotel like in Zistopia storyboard) and Night Howler Case never happened.

2. Night Howler case happened Nick and Judy are still cops, but later decided to live in Green Hills

3. Night Howler case happened but was solved instead of Judy and Nick by Jack and Skye who later became agents and don’t like Robotnik for his ego:

a) Nick come from Green Hills (Wachowskis live as police in GH for 50 years), but suffered from Ranger Scouts move to Zootopia became “shifty fox” until he’s saved by childhood friend Judy from Bunnyburrow (from wrong decision and targeting to become savage) and the return to Green Hills become sheriff along with his new wife.

b) Both Nick and Judy just heard about it in Green Hills.

I guess the first and third are more interesting.

Okaayy now I realized that this became more ambitious that I planned but I guess that happens when you try balancing two franchises so it can make sense (enough for headcanons). But I’m not saying that I’m proud of myself. So I’ll leave you the rest (the options and writing) so I can’t wait for one-shot fanfic good luck. And also (even though it’s late but still better than never) Happy birthday Sonic, this is for you! GOTTA GO FAST!🐰🦊🦔💨

#GottaGoFast🦔💨

#LongLiveWildeHopps🦊🐰

#StaySafe😷

#AlwaysRemember (this is for late actreesses that they will alway be remembered and in our hearts❤️)

....

Oh wow! This is really great! You put a lot of scenes from the film, this is awesome!I also see that you gave Yoshi a cameo, lol! @yoshifan30​ will definitely love that, lol! I like the collage look you gave the whole thing. Also, I just realized, is that supposed to be Cotton? Judy’s niece? Thank you so much for this! I will reblog this soon so I can read it more thoroughly and discuss anything I may have missed :) And once again, this...is...INCREDIBLE!!! <3 Fantastic Job Guest! You’re really talented! :D

[ruffsficstuffplace]

Of Rocks, Romantic Rivalries, and Rune Rangers (Part 8): Sleeping Over and Opening Up

Note: My friend says I hurt every character I write about. They are right.

<Get this room ready for Pidge as quickly as you can, with whatever means necessary,> Allura said to her mice after she returned to her room.

It wasn’t a stern, strict command from a drill sergeant so much as the panicked, desperate plea of someone who was soon to be doomed, like a college student that had just remembered that the deadline for their big term paper was today, not tomorrow.

Her four Celestian mice all saluted her, before they quickly went to work, scurrying all about her room and putting their species’ iconic long, prehensile tails to good use. They put things back into their proper places or shoved them out-of-sight; cleaned up the floors, the walls, and the ceilings; and did their level best to mask or erase or any of the traces of Allura’s more private activities that she really rather would have none of the other Rangers knowing.

(Or in the case of Pidge, not this soon.)

She had to marvel at items her mice were putting away or disposing of: long-forgotten snack containers and empty wrappers, plates, and utensils from the dining hall; depleted batteries and elemental mediums for all the various trinkets she used to amuse herself, both in the innocent and the not-so-innocent sense; and way too many used articles of clothing for her liking, especially because a large number of them were undergarments.

She was starting to regret telling Coran that he could take shortcuts and lessen his workload without repercussion, be much less thorough with his housekeeping duties than a thousand years back.

<Come now, Coran, you don’t have nearly the same amount of help and staff on your side now, and five other Rangers to attend to beside. I’ll survive without daily cleaning! A little dust, some litter, and dirty laundry laying about never killed anyone.>

Oh, if only she’d known just how disgusting she could get, she would have taken up Pidge on the offer of making cleaning golems! Especially now that she realized that she had already seen this disaster area that was her room, the last time she was here and all the other times she had visited...

<That’s a problem for another time, Allura,> she thought to herself. <Focus on now, not then.>

And the problem of the moment was that Pidge was due her any minute.

She’d only had this gigantic headstart because she often ate distracted, studying something or chewing over some conundrum alongside her food, and Allura had been so excited and terrified of the prospect of having her over that she didn’t have much of an appetite, lest all that food go to waste when she vomited from the stress or the excitement—possibly both.

The mice started shoving drawers shut, locking containers, and throwing fabrics or pinning written reminders and documents over the more stubborn or sizable of the messes, before one of them set about spritzing something nice and citrusy in the air, while the rest scoured her wardrobe and pulled out an oversized shirt with a wild, ferocious logo on it.

Allura recognized it as a gift from Hunk, a commemorative T-shirt from one of his, Lance, and Pidge’s favourite bands, ‘The Ice Lords.’ Though it was too small for him now, he had refitted it so that she could wear it as pajamas, and she had sometimes when she was too sleepy to find her usual sleepwear.

<Are you sure about this?> Allura asked as three of her mice stopped before her, holding up the shirt between them like a tarpaulin.

They nodded.

Allura sighed, and began to change into it; she supposed that the strange magical resonance that had developed between them during cryosleep hadn’t led her astray yet, it probably wouldn’t this time either.

The three mice carted off the dress she had been wearing all day and shoved it into a portal leading into the laundry room. The fourth that had been spraying perfume into the air stopped as they started to get overwhelmed by the mist of fragrance, spinning about dizzy with the spray-can tilting them every which way.

Allura caught them before they hit the ground, and put them on the dresser the rest of the mice were waiting on. All together once more, they gave Allura’s room a final sweep.

It was far from pristine, but it did have a comfortable, “lived-in” look about it, like someone did actually sleep and live here, than it being a display model for prospective tenants, or the set for a holo advertisement. The sheer amount of citrusy scent in the air was a bit much, like she was hiding something particularly foul, but she supposed the vents would whisk it away soon enough

She turned to her mice and started petting them on their heads. <Good job, everyone,> she said, before she dug up a surplus of treats for them; the four mice happily took their rewards with their tails, before they scurried off to the miniature model of Rune Terra that was their home.

They scurried on back with two items between them: a jar of peanut butter, and one spoon.

Allura smiled. <Oh, thank you, Pidge, is going to love this!>

The mice all gave her an exasperated look.

Allura frowned. <This is for her, right?>

The smallest of the mice grabbed the spoon in their tail, mimed scooping it into the peanut butter and shoving it into their mouth; then, they handed it to the pink mouse who did the same.

Allura blushed. <Oh.>

The runes on her bedroom door started to glow. The mice noticed, threw the spoon and the jar at Allura, she reflexively caught them both. She watched them scurry off back to their habitat, before she whirled around to face her visitor.

Pidge waved as she stepped in, dressed in a shirt that was a little too large for her frame, and boxer shorts, merchandise from the same band that was on the shirt Allura was wearing. Pidge noticed, and her eyes lit up and chinchilla ears perked up.

<Oh, hey, you’re wearing an Ice Lords shirt too!> she said. <Cool!>

Allura could feel her mice high-fiving and congratulating themselves.

She smiled at Pidge, and said, <Yes, Hunk gave it to me a while back. It’s quite comfortable, actually!”

Pidge nodded as she came up to her. <It’s one of the big reasons I keep supporting the band: they don’t half-ass the raw materials for their stuff.> She groaned. <You wouldn’t believe the kind of flimsy, half-rate components some bands will make merchandise out of, and how much they’ll charge for it just because it has their logo on it, and it was made on their fabricators.>

She paused. <Sorry. Flimsy licensed merchandise is kind of a sour point with me...>

Allura smiled. <Oh it’s fine Pidge! Believe me, I understand completely; I still can’t fathom why humans willingly manufacture anything that isn’t meant to last the year or even a couple of months!>

<I suppose it’s because it’s great for bottom line of the companies making them,> Pidge said. <We’re getting off topic: do you want to to go talk about that thing I mentioned in my message?> She paused. <Or we could not, in case you changed your mind...>

Allura gently put her hands on Pidge’s shoulders. <Pidge, I am absolutely ready to listen to whatever it is you need to say; as I said before, my ears are always open.> She pointed up to her massive bunny ears, then realized she still had the spoon and the peanut butter in her hands.

She quickly held them out. <The mice have even been nice enough to get you this, if you need comfort food.>

Pidge hummed as she took them from her. <Tell them I said {Thanks!}> She gestured at her with the spoon. <You want any? I’ll be cool with sharing a spoon with you.>

Flashes of things involving the spoon, Pidge’s mouth, and peanut butter that weren’t entirely innocent ran through Allura’s mind. <Nope, it’s all yours!> she blurted.

She could feel her mice putting their paws to their faces or throwing them skyward.

Pidge shrugged. <If you say so!>

Allura quickly gestured to her nest, the pillows and cushions all over it thankfully still all fluffed up from Coran’s cleaning up earlier that morning. <Come now, let’s sit down in my nest and have that talk you wanted.>

Pidge nodded. <Should I leave the peanut butter here? I might get it all over your sheets.>

Allura laughed. <Pidge, please: you have my permission to do anything you’d like in my nest!>

Pidge got a mischievous look in her eyes. <Does that include you?>

Allura choked as her cheeks exploded into flames.

Pidge’s ears pulled back as she gave Allura a sheepish smile. <… Sorry, think I caught the Cheesy Joke bug from you and Lance…> she muttered.

Allura let out a painfully awkward laugh. <So it seems...>

The two of them awkwardly laid down in Allura’s nest; the tension quickly disappeared as the two of them got comfortable in it, nestling into the soft cushions and curling up in the silky blankets before they faced each other.

Pidge took a deep breath, and let it go slowly. <I want to talk about earlier today, when I almost killed all of you guys...>

Allura nodded, looking at her and silently urging her to go on.

Pidge looked away for a moment. <You know that I did awful, awful things when I was part of Jahiliyyah, right?>

Allura nodded. <Yes I do, Pidge, and again, we all know you’ve moved on from that.>

Pidge sighed. <That’s just it: I’m not really sure if I have.>

Allura frowned. <What do you mean?>

<It’s...> Pidge groaned and looked to the side. <It’s going to take a while to explain, because it’s all the stuff I cut out from last time, sorry...>

Allura smiled. <Good thing we’ve got all night.> She gently put her hand on her shoulder. <Just tell me, Pidge, I’ll listen.>

Pidge gave her a small smile back, before turned to the ceiling with a far-off look in her eyes. <When Jahiliyyah first recruited me, I was strictly in the hacking and the data-gathering side of it, breaking into databases, making backdoors and exploits into all the latest security systems and protocols, sometimes even hiding in vans or safe-houses, listening in to live wire-taps when we couldn’t trust the job with an AI…

<It was really boring work. I’m still surprised that the Old World movies ever thought hacking and spying could be heart-pumping exciting, something you’d want to watch, that happens in the span of five or so intense minutes rather than long, boring, and drawn-out days.

<I’m not even going to bother telling you what it was like, it was that dull!

<But still, I stuck with it all, because Jahiliyyah promised me that they’d give me information about my family once I proved I was a valuable enough asset to them—anything they had involving Zarkon and the Galra were from high-risk operations, and commanded a proportionately high price.

<It worked for the first three months, but then I started to get impatient, and more importantly, bored. I started working with their experimental magitech division, but even then, there were only so many projects I could be authorized to work on since I was a newbie still.

<’You have potential, we can see that,’ my supervisor told me once, ‘but have yet to earn our trust.’>

Pidge looked down. <My mistake was asking how I could earn it faster.>

<What did they have you do?> Allura asked.

Pidge looked up at Allura, regret clear on her face. <I got into their blackmail and extortion division.

<A lot of the top organizations don’t even put their most sensitive and important information in their databases: they have someone with the appropriate cybernetic mods or an extremely good memory remember it, share it with people face-to-face in a SCIF where we’re effectively blind and deaf--”Gatekeepers,” we called them.

<No one outside of the Galra have found a way to reliably, forcibly extract it from someone’s brain, and Zarkon sure isn’t sharing any of their magtech, so we had to rely on one of the oldest espionage tactics in the book: wine them and dine them, find something incriminating that they will give it up in exchange for our silence, or trick them into accidentally sharing it.

<To be good at this job, you need finesse, charisma, a strong stomach, the ability to bullshit people with a completely straight face, and betray people who trusted in you at the drop of a hat, so Jahiliyyah takes very good care of and rewards their blackmailers and extortionists handsomely.

<They told me that if I could pass the training and prove myself a valuable asset, I could start getting info about dad and Matt within the year, than within five years, at best. And because their kidnapping was still raw in my mind, and I’m still a teenager without fully-developed impulse-control or the ability to comprehend long-term consequences, I caved.>

Pidge went silent. Allura patiently waited for her to continue.

<They start us off easy, you know…?> Pidge muttered.

<Controversial celebrities, corrupt politicians, unscrupulous businessmen—real scum of the realm types, the ones that make you doubt karma really exists. The targets we’d have no little to no qualms about digging dirt on, lulling into false senses of security, setting up traps for—sometimes, we’d even be glad to do it for free, just to see the looks on their faces, see {justice} done on them.

<It helps that they make our jobs so simple. You’ve no idea the kind of juicy material these people will just leave lying around, the security measures they don’t take: if you don’t have publicly released holos of them bragging about all the terrible things they’ve done, it’s easy enough to find the basis of a scandal that even the most jaded and cynical of the realm will cry foul of.

<It helped that I was shockingly effective at that role. No one ever expects the tiny teenage chinchilla Fae to know about what you did last spring, to be the one orchestrating your downfall, to be the one to order her henchmen to do all kinds of horrible things to you, your associates, and your loved ones if you didn’t give her what she wanted…

<… And this is where it all loops back to today.

<You see, to do all of those crimes, I compartmentalized it, made full-on suprevillain alter-ego. {Oh, that wasn’t me, Katie Holt, that was the Carrier Pidgeon, the Jahiliyyah agent revealing to the sweet, innocent spearhead of a political organization that his husband was cheating on him with who was supposed to be the surrogate mother for their child,} I’d say to myself.

<It got to the point where it felt like I was standing to the side watching a movie, this Fae that looks and sounds strikingly like me, but couldn’t be me, because I’d never do something so horrible and then not bothered it in the slightest!>

Pidge’s ears drooped. <I thought I’d left all of that behind when I joined you guys—when I finally found that lead I’ve been praying for, some way to get dad and Matt back. That that was the end of the Carrier Pidgeon, no more ruined lives, no more manipulation and blackmail, no more personally having a hand in making Solaris an even bigger crap-hole than it already is…

<… But now?> she said as she looked up at Allura. <Now, I’m not so sure...>

<Back there, with Mero: what if she didn’t turn me against you guys? What if her magic was just meant to disable whatever part of me was keeping me from going back to my old ways, like flipping off a gun’s safety mechanism? What exactly is it that that I’ve been suppressing or letting loose when I needed to be the Carrier Pidgeon, and what can I do to make sure that never happens again?!>

<I’m scared, Allura,> Pidge whispered, her eyes welling with tears, her whole body trembling. <I’m scared of what would have happened to you guys if Shiro hadn’t tackled Mero to the ground and accidentally figured out the flaw in her mind control.

<I’m scared of what would happen if the Galra manage to turn me against you guys once more.

<I’m scared of myself, because what am I?! A Rune Ranger, or a monster who just thinks she’s one?!>

Allura immediately came over to Pidge and hugged her. Pidge began to wrap her arms around her then stopped, sniffing and hiccuping as she tried to hold her tears back.

<Don’t fight it, Pidge,> Allura said, <just let it come, and it will pass...>

Pidge cried out in frustration, before buried her face in Allura’s chest, her arms wrapping around tight around her, claws digging in tight into Hunk’s old shirt as she started sobbing.

Allura started humming an ancient Actaeon lullaby; the words had long fallen into disuse or changed dramatically since, but like with the Ice Lords, being unable to understand the lyrics never bothered Pidge.

[brutalmasks]

what tarot card are you?

The World

power is a heady thing. do you have what it takes to control it? you thought you did, for a long time, as you gained more and more. power only begets more power, after all. mind your breaking point, mind your load, mind how high you’ve climbed up the ladder; it’s against regulation to stand on the top rung. you could get hurt up there. you could fall. i’m not sure that i could catch you, so high above the rest of us. don’t look down. mind the ceiling fan.

tagged by: ... i stole this from one of my other accounts (,:

tagging: anyone who sees this!

[brutalmasks]

FIGHTING STYLE ANALYSIS.

bold what often, or always applies to your character. italicize things that they will sometimes do. and strike out options that they would never do. repost, don't reblog.

• fights honourably / fights dirty

• prefers close - quarters / prefers range

• chats during / goes silent

• low pain tolerance / high pain tolerance

• attacks in bursts / attacks steadily

• goes for the kill / aims to disarm / fights defensively / strikes first

• is provoked easily / provokes their opponent / teases

• gets visibly frustrated / shouts while attacking

• uses strategy / focuses on the battle / experiences conflicting thoughts during battle

• rushes in recklessly / tries to read their opponent before engaging

• fights wildly / fights calmly / fights apathetically / fights with anger / fights with excitement / fights with delight

• fights because they have to / fights because they want to

• fights without regard to wounds / runs away when wounded / hides wounds / takes a blow to protect another

• prefers a blade / prefers a gun / prefers hand to hand combat / prefers a bow / prefers a shield / prefers a personalised weapon / prefers magic, alchemy or spells

• their greatest weakness is physical / their greatest weakness is mental / their greatest weakness is emotional

• transforms for battle / fights as they appear

• relies on strength / doubts their strength / relies on speed

• uses everything they have / proceeds with caution / hides their full potential

• exhausts quickly / has high stamina

• behaves arrogantly / brags after landing a hit / belittles their abilities

• uses psychological tactics / uses brute strength

• tries to avoid civilians / strikes down civilians

• damages surroundings / avoids damaging surroundings

• signature fighting style / makes it up as they go

• mastered skill - set / learning their skill - set

• fancy footwork / sloppy footwork

• messy fighter / elegant fighter

• accepts defeat / refuses defeat / begs for mercy

• compliments their opponent / insults their opponent

• uses unnecessary movements / moves efficiently / barely moves

• prefers to dodge / prefers to block

• defends their blindside / has no blindside / leaves blindsides vulnerable

• uses all available advantages / strictly uses one main method

• plays around / holds back / fights ruthlessly / shows mercy

• waits for an opponent to be ready / strikes when opponent isn’t ready

• fears death / fears pain / fears killing

• has ptsd / avoids fighting

• has lost a fight / has won a fight

• has killed / refuses to kill / enjoys killing

• wants to die standing / would succumb slowly

[brutalmasks]

currently going feral with how accurately ' it will come back ' by hozier describes how bunny mask sort of feels deep down because she is painfully aware that she is a creature / may LOOK like a human but definitely isn't one and those who get involved with her will often find themselves pulled into quite... interesting situations with her. so, she may or may not subconsciously slightly fear that people will not be prepared for that at all ( which, and understandably so, some other characters might not want that kind of relationship in their lives ) , then regret ever meeting her and will not want ANYTHING to do with her anymore. and thus, she's kind of adapted this habit of telling people upfront during the beginning of even platonic relationships that she's forged with others that if they want to keep their life the way it is, then they likely should rethink letting her into their life any further.

and this is not only because she is a ' magnet for trouble, ' but because she's growing attached to them, and i just... JSJSJ. i think that is kind of sad in a way because she really does not want to get her hopes up about having new friends or anything sometimes, because they are liable to changing their mind about her later and breaking off contact with her. and with how openly affectionate / tender-hearted bunny mask usually is towards those she likes, whenever she gets attached to them, it's not just a casual thing or anything. because i believe i said this in an earlier post but she will literally want to follow them around and do things with them all the time... so, there's a possibility that they will kind of ALWAYS be in danger while they're around her, you know? which isn't good and so bunny mask, as i've said, would totally be okay with people not wanting to either be her friend / a sibling figure to her or lover, or whatever the case may be for her and the person in question after discovering this.

all bunny mask really wants is for the people she loves to be comfortable around her, after all. but yeahhh,, and because of this, bunny may or may not have kind of a negative outlook of who she is because of her ' propensity to burden other's lives ' because of how her life tends to start to overlap with theirs at one point or another due to just how merciless she is whenever it comes to purging ' the sickness ' and she HAS ( as well as probably would do this again ) gone so far as to show her gratitude to tyler by leaving bodies in his home, similar to how a cat may leave their owner little ' gifts ' on the porch whenever they really love them.

and she's fully aware that this is very much NOT typical behavior of humans and/or most other beings, though she feels like she can't help these thing's sometimes because she does have this darkness in her that leads her to doing... well, rather uncharacteristic things for the people she loves, to say the least 😅 SO yeah. the point that i was basically trying to make here is that bunny mask will warn people against letting her in if they value the way their life is now, and feels more than a bit bad about that because she does want to have friends, but she genuinely thinks deep down that she brings trouble wherever she goes so it may be safer for them that way. the lines in the song ' don't let me in with no intention to keep me. jesus christ, don't be kind to me. honey, don't feed me, i will come back, ' were what particularly gave me these vibes. and now i shall be signing off with no further explanation LOL

[brutalmasks]

[brutalmasks]

how's her dynamic with tyler severin? is it platonic or romantic? idk much about them in the comics tbh but they look cool ♡

hello, @frostise! i'm so honored that you're interested in their dynamic and therefore, interested in bunny mask, too!! so with tyler... bunny mask and him have sort-of a complicated relationship. as you may know, she was freed from her centuries long imprisonment in a cave by him, so she is certainly grateful towards him for that. and bunny mask actually became interested in him beyond that shortly after since, as the saying goes, ' opposites attract. ' and tyler is very much bunny mask's opposite in the way that he could be seen as the more ' reasonable ' of the two, as well as seemed to want to have nothing to do with her at first, while bunny mask revels in strangeness + has this peculiar fascination with him from the start. and i mean to the point where she sought him out herself whenever she learned that people were coming to his home to kill him and protected him. therefore, you could say that their dynamic began pretty rocky as her interest in him was one-sided and he partially blamed her for his life getting... a lot more interesting very suddenly.

but as time went on, tyler seemed to warm up to her a bit, as bunny mask did demonstrate that her care for him was genuine and she didn't protect him just because she felt obligated to. this is the point in which tyler, albeit slightly reluctantly, began treating her just like anyone else rather than a frightening force that had killed multiple people in front of him and became civil towards her. thus, their relationship seemed to take a drastic shift; one forged with mutual respect and camaraderie. from then on, tyler's fear of him turned more into curiosity, as he still didn't know a lot about her at this point. with them essentially having formed a bond, bunny mask then revealed to him something that would also change the trajectory of their relationship: that, in order to remain healthy and keep her energy, she occasionally had to feed ( or 'ground herself,' as she called it ). this meant that bunny mask would have to establish a physical connection with someone and not steal their energy, per say, but they would have to share some of it with her.

and this marked the beginning of their romantic relationship. and of course, it is definitely a little bit out of the ordinary compared to other people's stories of how they became a couple, buttt bunny mask does try her best to make up for this by doing normal things with tyler. things like eating at the kitchen table together, laying in bed, taking walks, and playing games with each other; something a ''normal'' person would do with him. but due to the nature of bunny mask's character as a spirit who almost lives for avenging other's and seeking out retribution for them, this has put a rather vicious strain on their relationship sometimes. tyler does not want to see her get hurt, after all, but at the same time... bunny mask believes that this is her purpose, so nothing will be able to stop her from completing it.

and so their relationship has become an 'on-and-off' one, unfortunately. it's neither of their faults that it turned out this way, though, of course. bunny mask is simply very ambitious about her goals and tyler admittedly does feel a bit like there is a power imbalance within their relationship, so that does cause him to have some inner conflict related to it. but i believe that the both of them do truly love each other. there are just so many obstacles in their lives that bunny mask and tyler have somewhat of a strained relationship that is only 'on' sometimes.