#I FEEL LIKE I MIGHT BE VAGUE SOMETIMES

[lucabyte]

So does anybody else ever think about how Loop felt the need to demonstrate that the party's deaths wouldn't have any effect on the loops. I know I do but that's besides the point. Anyway I don't think Loop actually needs to bathe, they just like to feel included.

[inkskinned]

you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.

you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.

instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.

you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.

your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.

because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.

so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.

all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.

[no27-autonation-honda]

congratulations to Mme. Pascale Leclerc, who has surely just experienced both the funniest and most unhinged weekend a mother could ever have. Dear fucking christ, I hope your middlest son brought you a bottle of champagne for yourself, ma'am.

[anneapocalypse]

I love Dragon Age and its lore dearly and I mean this in the gentlest way possible, but Dragon Age did not invent the concept of unreliable narrators nor is it the only video game franchise to deliver lore through them.

[moongothic]

I'm a simple person

I see untagged Crocodile genderbends, I block on sight

[salty-software-engineer]

Man I just finished Babel and I was excited to read discussions online because there's so much going on in it with so many little things and just....angry white people. Everywhere. Truly a dead dove moment.

[hajihiko]

Seeing as ghost are canon in danganronpa, how do you feel about Junko ghost AUs where she haunts the remnants or first game survivors?

It is almost literally my favourite narrative take (tight behind found family / they love each other) I am SO about it you have no idea. It's the tastiest I go nuts

[icewindandboringhorror]

Recent game related things .. hrmm...

[a-curse-of-ravens]

Something that's been on my mind recently in the last week, and occasionally throughout the previous months has been this feeling that when there's something, like say a vague negative emotional response going on towards/around me, I'm often times a bit confused.

It's like, I just don't understand or get it usually- Which then brings me to feeling like I relate a bit to cyborgs or androids, y'know?

Instead of seeing myself as "broken", I'm just like "whoops, that threw a logic syntax error, I can't seem to parse that or how to continue this program- gonna crash, gimme a moment". And that kinda like, makes the sense?

Well, maybe not THAT eloquently thought, but retroactively I tend to think back on things and be like "Sometimes I don't feel as human as I maybe should".

Which brings me to thinking like, y'know how with the HRT potential side effects that the endo goes over on the consent form "There's low chance of blood clotting being an issue, or lower libido, etc"?

-> Human wanting to transfer their consciousness to an android body, or having their brain attached with cyborg components, on the consent form it mentions something like "there's a chance you'll have more difficulty understanding emotions, or parsing them in the same way you did when your brain was unaltered, before your consciousness was transferred"

^ That's me, at least how I parse how I feel sometimes- Anyways.

[coquelicoq]

i just saw someone say that "the vast majority of the userbase is complaining" about tumblr's recent layout change. i see this a lot after a change: people complaining about it (sometimes without saying what about it is bad, making it sound like either it's self-evident (it usually is not) or just that it's bad because it's change and change is always bad) and saying that everyone else is complaining about it too. i don't know how to tell you this but a) you don't follow every user on tumblr so how can you possibly know what "everyone" or "the majority of users" thinks about anything and b) ONLY THE PEOPLE WHO FEEL VERY STRONGLY ARE TALKING ABOUT IT!! people who are not bothered are not spending time posting about how unbothered they are! please look up "selection bias" and stop making me read this nonsense with my own eyeballs.

[skrunksthatwunk]

household enemy to the yyh watchthrough number one is the olympics. it's taken us a week to get two episodes into the gamemaster fight

[adhd-merlin]

“After having watched the entire series, I feel like S1 Arthur comes across as more of a noble and good guy than in later seasons? I can't put my finger on why, exactly. Perhaps the way he stands up to Uther with no hesitation. I don’t know.”

I like this. Could you please elaborate? Maybe it's because S1 Arthur had hope and a future ahead?

someone read my ramblings!!

Good question. As I said, I'm not sure I can put my finger on why. S1 Arthur is at times dick-ish and a bit of a spoiled brat, but it's also established pretty quickly that he's a good guy (because we've got to care for him, after all). He's the Jerk with a Heart of Gold. But I feel like later in the series Arthur was, sometimes, just a jerk. The way he treated Merlin was unnecessarily mean and dismissive at times.

I said it's maybe the way he stands up to Uther -- which I know he does at other points in the series. And he does still follow Uther's orders in S1 -- he's the one who has Gwen arrested for sorcery! -- so he's not entirely innocent, but it feels like he was also quicker to point out the faults in Uther's logic and to stand up for his own beliefs?

It might have something to do with the way Arthur changes after he becomes king (first in all but name, when Uther's loses his mind, and then officially). He seems to become more conservative, almost -- which I think is actually realistic. It's easy to stand up to authority when you don't have the responsibility of an entire kingdom on your shoulder. But once Arthur became king, he had to measure up with his father's legacy and to come to terms with own desire for Uther's approval (even after his death). And of course, the way Arthur lost his father also contributed to the souring of his attitude towards magic (the second major blow after his encounter with Morgause, actually).

But yeah, things happen to Arthur in later seasons that make him a bit more conservative and a bit more Uther-like. And perhaps that's why he feels like a "nicer" character in S1.

I don't know though, I'm not sure it's just because of this. It's just an impression I had but I'm afraid I can't explain it any better than this.

[asinglesock]

so uh

[seeminglyseph]

I know everyone hates M Knight Shyamalan's The Village, and "oooh it's modern day all along" seems like a lame twist, but consider:

A) wool cloaks fuck and that's always a cool look and I won't apologize for the fact that I definitely just wanted to wear cloaks instead of coats even though I live somewhere that experiences winters in Hardcore Mode and that was not viable

And B) the concept that your parents decided for you that you had to live in a dangerous and reductive environment and raised you on fear and punishment and secrecy because they hated the way society was developing and didn't want you to have access or choice was like. Extremely real fore as someone raised Catholic with multiple friends raised either Jehovah's Witness or Mormon. Like, obviously, it was extremely exaggerated as a 2000s horror-thriller type movie, but like.

It's no Lady in the Water. I honestly haven't seen The Village in a bit, but in concept, I think it does make sense as a cult movie. It's just that too much is like... "oooo it's a twist!" Rather than, like... "damn, the adults of this movie have a cult compound that they have used to isolate, indoctrinate, and control their children, literally creating and becoming monsters that haunt and torment them to keep them in line to maintain a way of life in line with their own moral values"

And like. If you look at it through the lens of like. The emotional impact of how much betrayal goes on within the film in the families and the cult and for the children who had no choice to be there and no information, like. That's much more impactful than simply "it was modern day all along"

It's "your parents have been lying to you all along, and all of your pain and fear has served no greater purpose. Half of these rules were not to keep you safe. They were to make you obey, and you have no way of knowing which are which. The people you trust have deeply and intentionally fractured your relationship with reality as a way to keep you contained and docile and under control. You have been betrayed on the most fundamental level by the people who were supposed to raise you and guard you and keep you safe."

And that's like. That's good horror that sticks in the back of your brain forever? Idk. Maybe my imaginary Village is better than the real Village but like. I think it's a better movie than it gets credit for.

And I want more excuses to wear wool cloaks, like damn.

[lyssafreyguy]

God . . . imagine thinking Laios is a bad person who doesn't care about people. actual insanity.

[kalashtars]

if I think abt the state of trans politics in the US for more than .2 seconds I start wanting to sob god I hate it here