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macncheesenketchup · 4 years

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things you should avoid, know, or do if you support autistic and adhd people and why: a list for allistic, non adhd or neurotypical people

TW FOR AUTISTIC/ADHD PEOPLE READING THIS: DESCRIPTIONS OF ABLEISM, MENTION OF R-SLUR, MENTION OF AUTISM $PEAKS

People often don’t realize why what they say or do is offensive, and want to do better but don’t understand how. So, for those of you who want to be less ableist/stigmatizing, here’s a list of things you can do to help autistic and ADHD people live more easily. If someone has a question or an autistic/adhd person has something to add, please feel free to do so in the notes/reblogs and I’ll most likely answer you or add it to the post!

1. Never, ever support Autism Speaks. Autism Speaks is an organization that has never been on the side of autistic people. There’s plenty of research on the wrongs they’ve committed, but off the top of my head:

- Supported the Judge Rotenberg Center, who are known for using shock therapy on autistic people.

- Supported and made their own version of ABA therapy, a form of therapy designed to stifle/“cure” autism. This therapy form is traumatizing, often forces autistic people not to stim, to word things in an uncomfortable way or do things that are physically painful to them.

- Tried to look for a ‘cure’ to autism, for the longest time didn’t have a single autistic person on staff, and had influential members who had said and done horrible things (what comes to mind first is the member who was shown on camera with their autistic child in earshot saying that they hated having an autistic child so much, they had more than once considered getting in the car with their autistic child and driving the both of them off a cliff, leaving their non autistic child alive)

2. When an autistic/adhd person says they’re autistic/adhd, it’s okay to ask questions. An autistic/adhd person won’t usually be offended by innocent questions designed to better understand us. With that said, if an autistic person tells you a statement or question is offensive, just take their word for it. Examples of typically offensive things to say as a person without the disorders include “you don’t look/act autistic,” “oh, like Einstein/The Good Doctor/Rain Man/Sheldon,” using autistic/adhd like a slur or adjective, or using autistic/adhd as an adjective for yourself or for derogatory purposes.

3. If you respect neurodivergent people, you respect their behaviors, too. If someone with autism/adhd tells you that something they do is because of their disorder, please don’t argue. And don’t make fun of behaviors like having ‘weird’ interests, stimming, laughing inappropriately, not knowing social things, etc.

4. Never use the R-slur. The R-slur refers to the word “r*tard”, and both this word and variations of it are extremely harmful. Don’t say it, don’t write it, don’t Morse code it or sign it. Don’t. Not even as an example.

5. Don’t victimize yourself for knowing an autistic or ADHD person. Just don’t. It’s a horrible and disheartening thing to see as an autistic/ADHD person.

6. Don’t use functioning labels. Functioning labels are most common for autism, and consist of words like ‘low functioning’ or ‘high functioning’. Terms like these are harmful and don’t give a full sense of what autistic people are like because it makes autism seem like a scale where you either can’t do anything and are incapable or you can do everything a neurotypical can and don’t deserve accommodations. Instead, view and explain it with the ice cream bar analogy, which says that autism is more like an ice cream bar with various symptoms as flavors and toppings that can be mixed in any way.. You don’t have a high functioning autistic child, you have a child who, using the ice cream bar analogy, doesn’t have social issues in their sundae, but DOES have educational barriers in their sundae, and they don’t struggle with loud noise but they do struggle with COMPLICATED noise. It’s more effort, yes, but it’s more kind to autistic people.

7. Don’t tell someone with autism or ADHD what their experiences are. Don’t tell them they’re using their disorder as a crutch. Don’t tell them they don’t experience a certain symptom when they say they do. Don’t tell them what they don’t need when they’ve told you what they do. Just listen, and accommodate as much as you can. You do not know them better than they do.

8. Autistic people often experience nonverbalism or selective muteness. This means sometimes they can’t talk, and it physically harms them to do so. Don’t force them to speak. Let them write down what they have to say, or put it into a text to speech, or do what they must.

9. People with ADHD often experience hyperactivity or an inability to focus. Don’t tell them to ‘just be still’, because often doing so can be painful. Don’t yell at them for not being able to focus, because the result will be them forcing themselves to focus and not actually hearing. Rather, if someone with ADHD can’t sit still, allow them to stand up and pace back and forth in the room, or step outside or go for a walk. If they can’t focus, ask them what you can do to help and DO YOUR BEST to do that.

10. People with autism and ADHD come in every shape, size, color, ethnicity, and personality. Don’t dwindle them down to a ‘type’. You’re harming them by doing that. There are POC, trans, female, male, non-binary, and lgbt autistic/adhd people, there are autistic/adhd people who can sit still, who can mask well, who don’t show specific symptoms, or who like things that aren’t autistic/adhd in nature and they’re all valid and deserve representation. Don’t act like they aren’t, don’t act like they don’t, and give them what they deserve whenever you can.

11. Not every symptom of autism and ADHD is well-known. ADHD people can experience impulse lying, horrible intrusive thoughts, and RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria) that can take extreme forms. Autistic people can experience using extremely offensive language or dogwhistles without being aware that it’s offensive or bad, selective muteism that isn’t complete nonverbalism but still makes the autistic person incapable of speaking without harming themselves, and harmful stims like slamming their head against things or biting their skin. These are only a few examples of things people don’t seem to consider when meeting a person with autism or ADHD, but they’re easy to fix without being harsh, discriminatory, or ableist. If you ever don’t know how to address a symptom or behavior, ask an autistic/adhd person for help! You can find many of them in tags like #autism, #actuallyautistic, #actuallyadhd or #adhd.

12. Please don’t claim autistic/adhd culture, terminology, behaviors or otherwise things that are theirs for yourself. Don’t use #actuallyautistic or #actuallyadhd if YOU, YOURSELF are not autistic, even if you have an autistic family member. Don’t say you stim/have self-stimulatory behaviors. Don’t say you experience special interests or hyperfixations. Don’t say you’re ‘so autistic’ or ‘so adhd’ based on a stereotypical autistic/adhd thing you did. Don’t use fidget toys, stim toys, or chewing toys if you aren’t an autistic/adhd person who needs them, especially not in places like schools or workplaces where abusing necessary accommodations can lead to the people who need them being refused them. If you think something MIGHT be an autistic/adhd thing that you yourself shouldn’t use, do or say, ASK.

13. Self-diagnosis is valid. Autism and ADHD are severely undiagnosed because of the diagnostic requirement and bigotry in psychology. You can have autism and ADHD and not be diagnosed simply because you’re POC, or don’t ACT autistic/adhd enough, or looked for diagnosis late in life, or even just because you’re a girl. Don’t tell someone they aren’t actually autistic or ADHD if they are self-diagnosed because many people with these disorders CAN’T be diagnosed due to things outside of their control.

14. Don’t spread false or unchecked information about autism and ADHD. You can fact check things you read online or hear by mouth just by asking an autistic/ADHD person, and it’s best to do such before saying something that isn’t true.

15. Possibly most importantly, listen to autistic/adhd voices and support people with autism/adhd. Allow people with autism/adhd to have jobs. Reblog when autistic/adhd people speak out. Correct people who show ableist behaviors online and if they argue with you, tag or otherwise get ahold of autistic/adhd people who you know would be willing to help you. Block and report ableists who refuse to cooperate when their ableism is pointed out. Buy from autistic/adhd businesses. Don’t go blue for autism, use red instead. Follow tags like #actuallyautistic and #actuallyadhd in order to familiarize yourself with and validate their voices, but if they don’t want neurotypical or allistic people to reblog or comment, don’t. It’s not difficult to let our voices be heard, and you can do so without supporting corrupt organizations or using non-autistic people, non-adhd people or neurotypical ‘autism/adhd moms/dads’ to get information. Ask autistic/adhd people questions, check in with them, make sure they’re okay. Treat autistic and adhd voices like biblical word on the matter because they ARE.

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adhd-asd · 4 years

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how can one deal with not being able to afford getting evaluated/diagnosed for adhd? i've done lots of research online and meet nearly all the symptoms, and my therapist has suggested the possibility of me having it, but i can't afford to get evaluated and currently second guess everything wondering if i'm an imposter. is there a way to have certainty of whether or not i have adhd without getting professionally evaluated/diagnosed? i'm worried i'm just making things up or it's not that bad

A lot of points to touch on here so I’m going to break up my responses into categories to make things a little easier to digest.

1. How can I be certain?

I don’t know if you can be, and I don’t know if getting diagnosed would actually change that. Personally, I do have a professional diagnosis and I still worry that I’m just making things up sometimes; like I somehow tricked them into seeing something that isn’t really there or they got it wrong by mistake.

If you’ve done your research and are reasonably convinced that you have ADHD, and you even have a therapist who corroborates that belief, I’d say you’re in a pretty good position, and you may be better off practicing coping with those feelings of uncertainty when they arise rather than trying to prevent them from ever happening in the first place. Hopefully the following paragraphs will be able to provide some tools and reassurances to help you do that.

2. What if I’m making it up?

I’d highly recommend taking a look at this post which briefly explores potential sources of the self doubt that can come with ADHD and provides some reassurances and rebuttals to the idea that we might be faking it.

3. I’m worried it’s not that bad.

You’re the only one who can decide how bad it is, because it’s dependent on your own feelings and experiences. Do you actually feel it’s not that bad? Do you feel it shouldn't be that bad? Or do other people tell you it’s not that bad? What matters is how you experience the world, not what anyone else says or expects.

I have a friend who loves horror movies, whereas I can’t watch one without being seriously emotionally overwhelmed to the point of a meltdown. Does the fact that my friend can watch horror movies without issue mean that horror movies aren’t that bad? That I’m wrong about how they affect me? Of course not, because those are my genuine feelings and experiences, regardless of what I might expect or hope for, or what’s true for anyone else. My experiences matter and are worth acknowledging, no matter how atypical they are, and nothing anyone else says or feels is going to change that.

It took me a while to get to this point of self-acceptance, though. I think it's pretty commmon for people growing up undiagnosed to internalise all their symptoms as personal failings and blame themselves for every perceived shortcoming. We tend to think that our problems are our own fault, and if we just tried harder, we could be like everyone else. This can make it difficult to recognise (and accept) our ADHD, because we might be tempted to write off all the symptoms as not being symptoms, but rather things that we could change and just haven't yet.

Try taking some time to set aside your preconceptions and just be cognisant of your reality. Be honest with yourself about your own feelings and experiences and try not to downplay them or let expectations of what things “should” be like cloud your ability to recognise and acknowledge them for what they actually are.

If it feels like your ADHD is significantly affecting you, then it almost definitely is. Even if you’re able to work really hard and overcome it, the fact that you had to put that much effort in means it was a significant obstacle in the first place. And if it really wasn’t that bad, I don’t think you would’ve sent this ask. It’d be a non-issue and you’d be able to ignore it or let it go without too much worry.

4. What if I’m wrong/an imposter?

Well, what if you’re wrong? Would anything actually happen? You may feel a little silly, but I don’t see how such a mistake could actually hurt anyone. Even if it isn’t ADHD after all (which seems unlikely, given what you’ve said), you’re still experiencing difficulties that align with the symptoms, and finding ways to lessen the impact of those difficulties and make your life easier isn’t wrong of you.

I constantly encourage people to make use of ADHD coping mechanisms if they’re helpful whether they have ADHD or not, and I’ve talked here and here about how I believe some coping is better than no coping, even if a mistake is being made in identifying the source. You’re doing the best you can with what you have for now, and if something changes down the line to make you reconsider your situation then that’s okay! It doesn’t retroactively mean that everything up to that point was for nothing.

Figuring this stuff out is tough and sometimes even professionals get it wrong, so I certainly wouldn’t blame you if you did make a mistake, and I would hope that the resources and experiences you gather from your time exploring ADHD would be helpful to you regardless. Even if you come to the conclusion that your symptoms are relatively mild or infrequent after all, that doesn’t mean you can’t still have coping mechanisms at the ready for whenever they are a problem. There’s no “you must be at least this ADHD to cope” sign.

5. How do I cope?

I have a post here that discusses coping with ADHD specifically without a formal diagnosis that may be helpful to start with. It mentions how I personally find that coping while diagnosed and coping while undiagnosed are almost identical, since a lot of our coping tends to rely on us speaking up about our needs and implementing changes in our own lives anyway.

I’d also encourage you to make use of all the other posts and resources on my blog, seeing as this space is self-dx friendly, and I imagine a lot of other similar blogs are as well. And, of course, your therapist may be a good person to talk to about your concerns and possible coping strategies if you haven’t already.

TL;DR

Self doubt can be pretty common in ADHDers, and practicing coping with the uncertainty may be more beneficial than looking for ways to eliminate it entirely.

Trust your own understanding of your experiences over what other people tell you.

Even if a mistake is made, the symptoms that led to the self-diagnosis are still present and the coping strategies learned can still be beneficial.

A lot of ADHD coping comes down to self-implemented change, which you’re free to make use of regardless of diagnostic status.

Thank you for your patience waiting for this response and I hope it helps! Good luck!

#Brady Answers #adhd #actually adhd #tips #long post #self diagnosis #our new ADHD motto: mistakes are okay!

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painted-crow · 4 years

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Submission time #3

The one who asked about Slytherin primary.

Thank you for answering my submision.

Yes, the question about what’s up with that trust thing is a good one. I’ll have to think about it.

As a person who either has or models some kind of fluid secondary for social situations and survival around people, I know that people can do and say stuff they don’t mean, just for that specific moment, just then and there. We all listen to our friends, to our family members, we might not always mean it, but we’ll still play along.

You wouldn't play along with someone you don't care about, though.

That’s what human relationships calls for, at least that’s what I think. (There’s a good chance I’m not a Gryffindor secondary). That’s what I’ve seen even in my friends.

But I also believe that we operate on some kind of principles. We may not really care deeply about something our friend is talking about, but we’ll be there and listen and try to be honest and say what we think if asked, because we care about them. The same way we can sit at the same table, write our essays, share thoughts and care about each other, but after an hour that will be gone, because now we operate on a different principle or thought. But then if your relationship becomes a value, a force on itself, a ‘principle’, that feels safe.

I think, personally, there’s a principle that you don’t talk bad stuff about your friends behind their backs with acquaintances, because if you do, what made you do it? If a friend does it, even if they say sorry, you can’t trust them anymore. You may love them very much, you may come to their parties and be so glad that they’re doing so good, but you know that the trust is broken. It’s hard to get, but has to be sacred. That means I can’t drop my performances with you anymore, I can’t be real and completely raw with them anymore.

Probably that’s why I emphasize trust that much. It means I’ll give you VIP access to my life, my thoughts, myself.

It sounds like what you're saying is, a relationship doesn't feel safe until caring about each other is the rule rather than the exception. You don't fully trust until that's established. It also seems like the relationship doesn't feel "real" to you until that happens.

This seems very Slytherin to me, but for most Slytherins, their inner circle people aren't the only people they'll let themselves believe might care about them. It seems like you're operating like that, though, and you don't have anyone in your inner circle right now, maybe because you're having a hard time trusting people in general. This is kinda textbook burned Slytherin.

Other primaries don't usually have this kind of dichotomy. They have relationships, and some are closer than others, but there's not so much a threshold like "okay, now we belong to each other and I can trust you completely." They may have relationships that are that close, but they wouldn't be able to draw a line showing when it got there.

Using different masks also costs energy, so probably I’m only modeling Slytherin secondary.

Probably a model, but also... doing stuff generally costs energy.

This is so slippery, like I’m trying to balance on some kind of invisible line in order to not be seen as a bad person, and I know I can do it easily and quickly.

Sheesh, you don't even trust yourself. Your brain is a hostile environment.

I managed to minimize my primary sorting to either Gryffindor or Slytherin. Both burned. Your insights on Ravenclaw primary really helped. You guys are really beautiful, and it sounds like your systems are neat and constantly updated, I’d wish I’d do that too, but I don’t have a preference for this kind of method, sadly.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it's not for everybody. Glad the post helped though ^^

You know what’s funny? I can’t think of anything that could have been that traumatic or dramatic to have such an impact on me. Most people go through more than I did my whole life, I’d say I’m the one to blame most of the time for my mishaps.

So, I have a question... are you autistic? (Or have ADHD? That's a similar experience.) Because if you know the answer is yes, then like... duh. That's going to have an impact.

Otherwise--and I need you to understand, this is coming from a neurotypical-passing autistic girl who's never been formally diagnosed--there's a possibility you're autistic and don't know, and that sucks. A lot of autis who were quiet kids or adapted good social skills get overlooked for diagnosis, but we still go our whole lives being subtly (and not-so-subtly) told there's something wrong with us, until we internalize it, because we don't know any other explanation for why we can't just be like everybody else.

We find ways to act that are "safe" and won't be rejected so quickly. We can have a hard time making friends, partly because it takes so much energy to be around people when we're hyper-aware of how we look to the people around us, constantly monitoring to make sure we don't misstep and accidentally offend people. We ignore our needs in order to fit in with society, and we blame ourselves for having those needs in the first place. We call ourselves lazy or weak or hypersensitive, and we push ourselves to burnout in the name of "just trying harder."

It's exhausting.

If you relate to this? That's a traumatizing experience, and don't let your brain tell you otherwise. Being autistic or having ADHD, in our current society, is incredibly difficult even if no one realizes you aren't neurotypical. (It's easier if you know what's going on, though. Also, you start to find other autis, who are cool people and have A+ taste in memes.)

Or maybe none of this applies to you. It's just some of the stuff you've said, like about having to "survive" social encounters, or being worried about people seeing you as a bad person, or blaming yourself for "mishaps." Some of it reminds me of friends of mine who have c-ptsd. It's enough that I feel like I should ask if you've looked into this.

*sheepishly climbs down from soapbox*

I wanted to say that I collected judgment about the world more than on that situation. Strangely I can relate to some things from the other persons’ submission. I do absorb others opinions, ‘energy’, and it fades away with time after not being around. It costs me energy and effort to hold onto a belief, unless I really feel it, or it stuck, like they said. I have to constantly remind myself ‘this is good, this is right’.

And even then, like for my degree, the thought that I will be able to help people can’t comfort me the same way as the thought that I’m doing this for my family, that they won’t need to worry about my future anymore. It gets better if I can do stuff, that’s why I like to throw myself in situations. Then, in little things, it’s easier to say that this or that feels better in this situation.

My values don't weight the same, some of them are mine, mostly related to the fact that someone hurts someone, something. Others are what I know is right, but I don’t feel it, I collected those, and sometimes I feel like I’m hiding behind them, behind those words. If I’d be a Ravenclaw primary, this wouldn’t be an issue, right?

Starting to think you model burned Gryffindor primary.

Like the other person said here, I don’t have a defined sense of self, but I think this relates more to a secondary than a primary. I used to really overthink this question, but then one day I thought ‘I am me, every day this is me, I’m more my actions and the principles I can find under it then some thought that can easily be proven wrong. I am not the same person I was yesterday but kind of the same in some sense, but it’s logical to me if I base these things on my actions, and those depends on the situation.

So, Gryffindors also construct themselves, in a way. It's much more organic and subconscious than a Ravenclaw system. They don't *have* a system, who they are is the system. They construct themselves out of experiences and actions and decisions and it all comes together into a person with an intuitive understanding of right and wrong.

I get why this looks like it might be a secondary thing, but it's not really about methods--this is how Gryffindors grow into themselves and their beliefs. They're not making up their ideals out of thin air, they do come from somewhere.

I think you might model burned Gryff.

Sounds like Slytherin secondary, but I’d say it’s still always me, I’m still somehow honest, raw, just choosing which face of me to show, but then I don’t work on things, although I like honesty and to invest in relationships, so maybe still a Hufflepuff secondary.

Puff secondaries don't have to be dedicated to everything. If relationships are where you invest, then that's where you invest.

But the bra thing, oh god it does sometimes feel like this. That’s why I like to stay at home most of my free time. By not having to react and act and do and speak I’m most of the time my true self.

Right? Guards down, nobody expects anything of you, you can just chill. Alone time is the best.

Nah, I’m strange, but it’s fine :D

Just as long as you know you're the cool kind of strange ^^

I can’t say I don’t have connections and relationships. I have my family, a couple of friends. Maybe I feel this way because at this point in my life, in this situation, my studies, they aren’t here, not in the same spot as I am. They can’t objectively stand here with me and understand how I feel. Yes, I still feel like it would be fine if I’d only wouldn’t be alone in this situation. I always feel better, stronger, fuller when I find a friend in new places, situations, schools. I’m a loner who wants connection, laughter, shared views and excitement that only a relationship can bring in my life.

Hiss hiss lol.

It looks like now I did not spoke so much about what maybe makes me a Slytherin. Maybe I’m just craving a relationship that would match my situation, that would make me grounded in it, because relationships with my family and friends doesn’t provide me with this. Maybe I’m not one, but Slytherin primary is the one I can understand, and get behind mostly. Gryffindor primary would be... A strange fit. I can understand it but I can’t get behind it, most of the time. It’s like someone saying that they think I’m beautiful. It would leave me blinking for a second and not really understanding are they for real or do they want something from me.

Do you think Slytherin would still be a good fit here?

Yep. Burned Slytherin modeling burned Gryffindor, I think.

P. S. Thank you for your advice, I’m definitely trying to get my own mind untangled.

Sure thing! Hope this helps ^^

#sortinghatchats #submissions #burned slytherin primary #burned gryffindor primary #gryffindor primary model #paint speaks #submission

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enhancementclinic · 3 years

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Tips On How To Avoid Problems With Acid Reflux

There's no argument about the fact that acid reflux is no fun at all. With some helpful knowledge, anyone can better control their condition. Read on to keep learning.

Don't just assume your acid reflux is a fact of life or consequence of your active lifestyle. If you find yourself suffering through frequent bouts of discomfort related to acid reflux, see your doctor. It may be something you ate or an indication that you need to slow down in life, but it could also be something else you need to take care of.

Acid reflux symptoms are often worse when eating habits are poor. Lots of folks eat fast and in great quantities. This isn't the best approach for acid reflux sufferers. Eat only to the point where your body is feeling full, rather than over satiated. Take all the time you need to eat. Chew each bite slowly and savor the flavor.

Never, ever, EVER lie down after you eat! Even if you have only had a few bites, you may find that food comes back to haunt you in short order if you lie down. Eat all meals at least two hours before lying down for a nap or overnight to ensure that acid doesn't sneak back up your esophagus.

For quick relief, pick up cinnamon flavored gum. When you chew gum, your salivary glands pick up the pace which can help neutralize stomach acid. On top of that, you'll swallow more and help clear the acid out of your esophagus. Lastly, choosing non-mint and non-citrus flavors ensures you don't trigger your acid reflux.

Stop smoking if you are trying to rid yourself of issues with acid reflux. Many people do not know this, but smoking causes the muscles in the esophagus to relax. This can create some of the symptoms associated with acid reflux, so quit if you are trying to make things better.

Avoid eating spicy foods including those with hot peppers in them. These foods can lead to painful acid reflux after eating, so not eating them can easily remedy your discomfort. Instead, focus on spices which don't lead to pain, such as cinnamon or herbs. They taste great and leave you comfortable post-meal.

Exercise can be difficult after you eat if you have acid reflux. Your food can be pushed up into the esophagus as your abdominal muscles are flexing. Allow one to two hours to pass before you partake in exercise activities.

Try raising your bed's frame. You can lift up the bed by using bricks, wood or raisers specifically made for raising a bed. The head of your bed should be six inches above the foot. When your torso and head are elevated, it should stop stomach acid from rising during rest.

Refrain from consuming foods that have a high acid content if you want to alleviate your acid reflux during the night. Some of these foods include fruits such as grapefruit and oranges. These fruits can cause the burn that you feel, especially if you have them right before you lie down.

If you're pregnant, your baby's weight may be pushing against the stomach causing acid reflux. If this is your case, meet with your doctor to find out what you can do about this situation.

Speak to a doctor if you feel like your acid reflux is not improving from the antacids that you are taking on a daily basis. Sometimes, you may need a serious form of medication that you doctor can prescribe, which can improve your symptoms. A professional's diagnosis may be the solution to your acid reflux issues.

If you have acid reflux, try to avoid possible trigger foods. Examples of problematic foods include those that are fried, spicy, and high in fat. Liquid culprits include those that are caffeinated, carbonated or alcoholic. Of course, different people have different trigger foods, so if these do not cause problems, you can certainly still have them.

Your body weight can play a major role in your stomach issues. Having extra fat in your mid-section puts extra added pressure on your stomach and increases acid reflux symptoms. If you have some weight to lose, losing it can help you cut down on acid reflux incidences. Living a healthier lifestyle can help you feel better in more ways than one.

Consume Vitamin B-12 supplements in the morning to help with your acid reflux symptoms. This vitamin not only helps to reduce the stress in your life, but can break down proteins too. This will help improve the quality of your digestive track, so that foods do not cause inflammation near your heart.

If you suffer from acid reflux you should ask your doctor if you would benefit from having an endoscopy. Diseases such as Barrett's Esophagus often times go hand-in-hand with acid reflux, and an endoscopy is the only way to really see what is going on. Being proactive with your health can save you from bigger problems down the road.

Are you overweight? Being too heavy could cause your stomach acid to go back up into your esophagus. Therefore, making an effort to eat right and exercise daily will help you with your symptoms. If necessary, speak with your doctor to see if they have any advice or suggestions for you.

If you are big into exercising, be moderate about your high-impact exercises. Major exertion in these hardcore fitness regimens can actually make your acid reflux worse. Instead, mix it up and get some time with more moderate fitness routines. A great choice is a long walk at a medium speed.

If you experience heartburn after eating a large or spicy meal, try taking an acid relieving tablet. Sometimes this is enough to help, but you may also need to loosen your clothing around your waistline. Acid reflux medication is a available either by prescription or over the counter if you experience this condition often.

Acid reflux irritates your esophagus and disrupts your life. You can take steps to reduce your symptoms and alleviate your pain for the long term. Use the tips you just read to treat your acid reflux issue.

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unillustratedadventures · 4 years

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Major Depressive Disorder (per DSM-5)

In DSM-5 (2013; p. 160–8), the American Psychiatric Association defines major depressive disorder as follows. (Since I have covered states of major depression in an earlier post, the following definition will contain only a simplified characterisation of major depressive episodes.)

One has major depressive disorder (MDD) just in case:

one has had a major depressive episode (as defined here), a period of mood-related distress or impairment that lasts at least two weeks, and pervasively involves at least five symptoms that must include persisting negative mood or loss of interest or pleasure (or both), together with some combination of appetite disturbance, sleep disturbance, psychomotor disturbance, fatigue, negative self-appraisal, cognitive-executive disturbance, and suicidal ideation.

This episode is not better explained by a schizophrenia-related or psychotic disorder.

One has never had a manic or hypomanic episode.

Diagnostic Features

For individuals with MDD, insomnia or fatigue are often the presenting complaints; with such presentations, failing to probe for accompanying depressive symptoms will result in underdiagnosis. Fatigue and sleep disturbance are also present in a high proportion of MDD cases. Psychomotor disturbances are much less common, but they are indicative of greater overall severity, as is the presence of delusional or near-delusional guilt.

Major depressive episodes must be accompanied by clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. For some individuals (with milder depressive episodes), functioning may appear to be normal, but nevertheless requires disproportionate or markedly increased effort.

Per the persisting negative mood symptom, the mood in a major depressive episode is often described by the person as depressed, sad, hopeless, discouraged, or “down in the dumps”. Sadness may be denied at first, but subsequently elicited by interview (e.g. by pointing out that the individual looks as if he or she is about to cry) or inferred from facial expression and demeanour.

Moreover, in some anhedonic individuals who complain of feeling apathetic or having no feelings, and in some individuals who mainly present with anxiety, the presence of a negative mood also may be inferred from facial expression and demeanour.

Some individuals emphasise somatic complaints (e.g. bodily aches and pains) rather than reporting feelings of sadness (clinicians should determine whether the distress from such complaints is associated with specific depressive symptoms).

Many individuals with MDD report or exhibit increased irritability (e.g. persistent anger, a tendency to respond to events with angry outbursts or blaming others, or an exaggerated sense of frustration over minor matters). In depressed children and adolescents, an irritable or cranky mood may develop instead of a noticeably sad or dejected mood. Such a presentation of MDD should be differentiated from merely having a pattern of irritability in response to frustration.

Loss of interest or pleasure is nearly always present in a major depressive episode, at least to some degree. Individuals may report feeling less interested in hobbies, “not caring anymore,” or not feeling any enjoyment in activities that were previously considered pleasurable. Family members often notice social withdrawal or neglect of pleasurable avocations (e.g. a formerly avid golfer no longer plays, a child who used to enjoy soccer finds excuses not to practise). In some individuals, there is a significant reduction from previous levels of sexual interest or desire.

Appetite disturbance may consist in either a reduction or an increase. Some depressed individuals report that they have to force themselves to eat. Others may eat more and may crave specific foods (e.g. sweets or other carbohydrates). When appetite changes are severe (in either direction), there may be a significant loss or gain in weight—or, in children, a failure to make expected weight gains may be noted.

Sleep disturbance may take the form of either difficulty sleeping (insomnia) or sleeping excessively (hypersomnia). When insomnia is present, it typically takes the form of so-called middle insomnia (i.e. waking up during the night and then having difficulty returning to sleep) or terminal insomnia (i.e. waking too early and being unable to return to sleep). Although these forms of insomnia are most common, initial insomnia (i.e. difficulty falling asleep) may also occur. Individuals who present with hypersomnia may experience prolonged sleep episodes at night or increased daytime sleep. Sometimes, disturbed sleep is the reason that the individual seeks treatment.

Psychomotor disturbance potentially includes psychomotor agitation (e.g. the inability to sit still, pacing, hand-wringing; or pulling or rubbing of the skin, clothing, or other objects) or psychomotor retardation (e.g. slowed speech, thinking, and body movements; increased pauses before answering; speech that is decreased in volume, inflection, amount, or variety of content, or muteness). The psychomotor agitation or retardation must be severe enough to be observable by others and not represent merely subjective feelings of restlessness or sluggishness.

Fatigue, decreased energy, and tiredness are also common. A person may report sustained fatigue without any physical exertion. Even the smallest tasks may seem to require substantial effort. The efficiency with which tasks are accomplished may be reduced. For example, an individual may complain that washing and dressing in the morning are exhausting and take twice as long as usual.

Excessive negative self-appraisal tends to be involved in major depression. The sense of worthlessness or guilt associated with a major depressive episode may include unrealistic negative evaluations of one’s worth, or guilty preoccupations or ruminations over relatively minor past failings. Such individuals often misinterpret neutral or trivial day-to-day events as evidence of personal defects, and have an exaggerated sense of responsibility for untoward events.

In major depression, the felt sense of worthlessness or guilt may be of delusional proportions (e.g. an individual who is convinced that he or she is personally responsible for world poverty). Indeed, among major depressive episodes that have psychotic features, such delusions related to negative self-appraisal are the most common psychotic feature. For obvious reasons, such delusions are considered to be mood-congruent in the course of a major depressive episode, as opposed to mood-incongruent. (Interestingly, grandiose delusions are probably the most common psychotic feature of manic episodes, which suggests that self-appraisal delusions are the most common psychotic feature of disturbed moods in general, tending to be negative in the depressive case and positive in the manic case.)

Blaming oneself for being sick, and blaming one’s self for failing to meet occupational or interpersonal responsibilities due to illness (in this case, major depression), are both very common; unless such instances of self-blame reach the level of delusion, they are not considered to be sufficient for the negative self-appraisal symptom.

Many individuals report cognitive-executive disturbance, in the form of an impaired ability to think, concentrate, or make even minor decisions. Individuals with this symptom also may appear easily distracted, or complain of memory difficulties. Individuals engaged in cognitively demanding pursuits are often unable to function in those pursuits. In children, a precipitous drop in grades may reflect a depressive impairment of concentration. In elderly individuals, memory difficulties may be the chief complaint, and may be mistaken for early signs of a dementia (i.e. “pseudodementia”). In such cases, when the major depressive episode is successfully treated, the memory problems often fully abate. However, in some individuals, particularly elderly persons, a major depressive episode may sometimes be the initial presentation of an irreversible dementia.

Suicidal ideation, thoughts of death, and suicide attempts are common features of major depression. They range from passively wishing not to awaken in the morning, or believing that others would be better off if one were dead, to transient but recurrent thoughts of committing suicide, to having a specific suicide plan. More severely suicidal individuals may have already put their affairs in order (e.g. updated wills, settled debts), acquired needed materials (e.g. a rope or a gun), and chosen a location and time to commit suicide.

Common depressive motivations for suicide include a desire to give up in the face of perceived insurmountable obstacles (felt hopelessness), an intense wish to end what is perceived as an unending and excruciatingly painful emotional state (persistent and intense negative feelings, emotional pain), an inability to foresee any enjoyment in life (anhedonia), or the wish to not be a burden to others (negative self-appraisal). Reducing such motivations in the individual, by improving the associated patterns of thinking, seems to be a more meaningful preventative measure against suicide risk than impeding that individual’s plans for suicide.

The evaluation of the symptoms of a major depressive episode is especially difficult when they occur in an individual who also has a general medical condition (e.g. cancer, stroke, myocardial infarction, diabetes, pregnancy). For one thing, some of the criterial signs and symptoms of a major depressive episode are identical to those of general medical conditions (e.g. weight loss with untreated diabetes; fatigue with cancer; hypersomnia early in pregnancy; insomnia later in pregnancy or the postpartum). Such symptoms do count towards a major depressive diagnosis, but not when they are clearly and fully attributable to a general medical condition. In cases involving a general medical condition, particular care should be taken to assess the presence of guilt or felt worthlessness, impaired concentration or indecision, suicidal thoughts, or non-vegetative symptoms of dysphoria or anhedonia. Such symptoms are particularly central to major depression (redefinitions of major depression that include only these symptoms appear to identify nearly the same individuals as do the full criteria).

Associated Features

MDD is associated with high mortality, much of which is accounted for by suicide; however, suicide is not the only associated cause. For example, depressed individuals admitted to nursing homes have a markedly increased likelihood of death in the first year.

Depressed individuals frequently present with tearfulness, irritability, brooding, obsessive rumination, anxiety, phobias, excessive worry over physical health, and complaints of broadly somatic pain (e.g. headache, joint, abdominal, or other pains). In depressed children, separation anxiety may be more likely to occur.

Although an extensive literature exists describing neuroanatomical, neuroendocrinological, and neurophysiological correlates of MDD, no laboratory test has yielded results of sufficient sensitivity and specificity to be used as a diagnostic tool for MDD.

Until recently, hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis hyperactivity had been the most extensively investigated abnormality associated with major depressive episodes. HPA hyperactivity does appear to be associated specifically with melancholic features, psychotic features, and an increased risk for eventual suicide.

Neuro-molecular studies have implicated certain peripheral factors, including genetic variants in factors that regulate neuronal generation (i.e. neurotrophic factors) and cytokines that promote neurological inflammation. Additionally, functional magnetic resonance imaging has provided evidence for functional abnormalities in specific neural systems that support emotion processing, reward seeking, and emotion regulation.

Prevalence

Twelve-month overall prevalence of MDD in the United States is approximately 7%.

There are marked differences by age group, such that the prevalence in 18- to 29-year-old individuals is threefold higher than the prevalence in individuals age 60 years or older.

From early adolescence onwards, females have a 1.5- to 3-fold higher rate of MDD than males.

Development and Course

The first major depressive episode (marking the onset of MDD) may occur at any age, but the likelihood of onset increases markedly at and after puberty. In the United States, incidence appears to peak in the 20s; however, first onsets in late life are not uncommon.

The course of MDD is quite variable; some individuals rarely if ever experience remission (a period of 2 or more months without depressive symptoms, or with only one or two symptoms of mild degree), while others experience many years with few or no symptoms between discrete episodes.

Clinically, it is important to distinguish individuals who present for treatment during an exacerbation of a chronic depressive illness from those whose symptoms have developed only recently. Chronicity and pervasiveness of depressive symptoms substantially increase the likelihood of having underlying personality, anxiety, and substance use disorders, and decrease the likelihood that depressive symptoms will be fully resolved by and after treatment. It is therefore useful to ask individuals presenting with depressive symptoms to identify the last period of at least 2 months during which they were entirely free of depressive symptoms.

For four in five individuals with MDD, recovery begins within 1 year of onset; for two of those four individuals, recovery begins within 3 months of onset.

Recency of onset is a strong determinant of the likelihood of near-term recovery, and many individuals who have been depressed only for several months can be expected to recover spontaneously. Other than the duration of the current depressive episode, features associated with lower recovery rates include psychotic features, prominent anxiety, personality disorders, and symptom severity.

While longer periods of depressive symptoms decrease the likelihood of recovery, longer periods of remission also decrease the likelihood of a major depressive episode. The risk of recurrence becomes progessively lower over time as the duration of remission increases.

The risk of recurrence is higher in individuals whose preceding episode was severe, younger individuals, and individuals who have already experienced multiple episodes.

Failure to fully return to euthymic baseline after a major depressive episode—i.e. the persistence of even mild depressive symptoms during remission—is a powerful predictor of recurrence.

Many bipolar illnesses begin with one or more depressive episodes, and a substantial proportion of individuals who initially appear to have MDD will prove, in time, to instead have a bipolar disorder. This is more likely in individuals with onset of the illness in adolescence, those whose depression involves psychotic features, and those with a family history of bipolar illness. Depressive episodes with mixed features (i.e. episodes accompanied by some features of mania/hypomania) also increase the risk of having a future manic or hypomanic episode (and a corresponding bipolar diagnosis).

MDD, particularly if it involves depression with psychotic features, may transition into schizophrenia. Such a change in diagnostic symptoms is much more frequent than the reverse (i.e. it is more frequent that initially meeting the criteria for schizophrenia, then continuing to have major depressive episodes but never again having symptoms that would meet the full criteria for schizophrenia).

Despite consistent differences between genders in the prevalence rates for depressive disorders (with higher prevalence for females), there appear to be no clear differences by gender in MDD’s phenomenology, course, or treatment response.

Similarly, there are no clear effects of current age on the course or treatment response of MDD. Some symptom differences exist, though, such that hypersomnia and hyperphagia (over-eating) are more likely in younger individuals, and melancholic symptoms, particularly psychomotor retardation, are more common in older individuals. The likelihood of suicide attempts lessens in middle and late life, although the risk of completed suicide does not.

Cases of MDD that have earlier ages of onset are more likely to be familial, and more likely to involve personality disturbances.

The course of MDD does not generally change with aging. Mean times to recovery appear to be stable over long periods, and the likelihood of being in a major depressive episode does not generally increase or decrease with time.

Risk and Prognostic Factors

Temperamental

Higher trait neuroticism (negative affectivity) is a well-established risk factor for the onset of MDD, and high levels appear to render individuals more likely to develop depressive episodes in response to stressful life events.

Environmental

Adverse childhood experiences, particularly when there are multiple experiences of diverse types, constitute a set of potent risk factors for MDD.

Stressful life events are well recognised as precipitants of major depressive episodes, but the presence or absence of adverse life events near the onset of episodes does not appear to provide a useful guide to prognosis or treatment selection.

Genetic and physiological

First-degree family members of individuals with MDD have a risk for MDD that is two- to four-fold higher than that of the general population. The risk to family members appears to be higher for individuals that have early-onset and recurrent forms of MDD.

The heritability of MDD is approximately 40%, and the heritability of the personality trait neuroticism accounts for a substantial portion of this genetic liability.

Course modifiers

Essentially, all major non-mood disorders increase the risk of an individual developing symptoms of major depression.

Major depressive episodes that develop against the background of another disorder often follow a more refractory course. Substance use, anxiety, and borderline personality disorders are among the most common of these comorbid disorders, and the detection of such disorders may be obscured or delayed by presenting depressive symptoms. Nevertheless, in such cases, sustained clinical improvement in the depressive symptoms may depend on the appropriate treatment of the underlying mental illnesses.

Chronic or disabling medical conditions also increase risks for major depressive episodes. Such prevalent illnesses as diabetes, morbid obesity, and cardiovascular disease are often complicated by depressive episodes, and such episodes are more likely to become chronic than are depressive episodes in medically healthy individuals.

Culture-Related Diagnostic Issues

Surveys of MDD across diverse cultures have shown seven-fold differences in prevalence, but much more consistency in the female-to-male ratio, mean ages at onset, and the degree to which the presence of the disorder raises the likelihood of comorbid substance abuse.

While these findings suggest substantial cultural differences in the expression of MDD, they do not permit simple linkages between particular cultures and the likelihood of specific symptoms. Instead, clinicians should be aware that in most countries the majority of cases of depression go unrecognised in primary care settings, and that in many cultures somatic symptoms are much more likely to constitute the presenting complaint.

Among the possible symptoms of major depression, insomnia and loss of energy are the most uniformly reported across cultures.

Gender-Related Diagnostic Issues

The most reproducible finding in the epidemiology of MDD has been a higher prevalence in females. Despite this, there are no clear differences between genders in overall symptoms, course, treatment response, or functional consequences.

In women with depressive disorders, as compared to men with depressive disorders, the risk for suicide attempts is higher while the risk for suicide completion is lower. But these gendered disparities in suicide risk are actually independent of major depression. In fact, while depressive disorders generally increase the risks of suicide attempt and completion (for both genders), they decrease the gendered disparity in these risks. In other words, although women are more likely to attempt suicide and men are more likely to complete suicide among individuals that have depressive disorders, this difference between the genders is ever larger in the general population.

Suicide Risk

The possibility of suicidal behavior exists at all times during major depressive episodes. The most consistently described risk factor is a past history of suicide attempts or threats, but it should be remembered that most completed suicides are not preceded by unsuccessful attempts.

Overall, features associated with an increased risk for completed suicide are:

previous suicide attempts or threats

being male

being single or living alone

having prominent feelings of hopelessness.

The risk of future suicide attempts is markedly increased when there is comorbid borderline personality disorder.

Functional Consequences of MDD

Many of the functional consequences of MDD derive from the individual symptoms. Impairment can be very mild, such that many of those who interact with the affected individual are unaware of the depressive symptoms. Impairment may, however, range to complete incapacity—such that the depressed individual is unable to attend to basic self-care needs, or is mute or catatonic. Among individuals seen in general medical settings, those with MDD have more pain and physical illness, and greater decreases in physical, social, and role functioning.

Differential Diagnosis

Irritable manic episodes, mixed mood episodes

Major depressive episodes with prominent irritable mood may be difficult to distinguish from manic episodes with irritable mood, or from mixed depressive/manic episodes. This distinction requires a careful clinical evaluation of the presence of manic symptoms.

Substance/medication-induced depressive or bipolar disorder

These disorders are distinguished from MDD by the fact that their mood disturbances are directly related etiologically to a substance (e.g. a drug of abuse, a medication, or a toxin) For example, depressed mood that occurs only in the context of withdrawal from cocaine would be diagnosed as cocaine-induced depressive disorder rather than MDD.

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)

There is some overlap in symptoms between MDD and ADHD. In particular, distractibility and low frustration tolerance are common in both ADHD and major depressive episodes. Nevertheless, if an individual meets the criteria for both MDD and ADHD, then both disorders should be diagnosed.

Relatedly, when children with ADHD present with mood disturbances characterised by irritability (rather than by sadness or loss of interest/pleasure), care must be taken not to diagnose MDD solely on the basis of such disturbances (the excessive irritability in such children may be best explained in terms of ADHD alone, in the absence of MDD).

Adjustment disorder with depressed mood

When major depressive symptoms occur in response to a psychosocial stressor, MDD is distinguished from adjustment disorder with depressed mood by the fact that in the latter disorder, full criteria for a major depressive episode are not met.

Normal Sadness

Finally, it should be noted that periods of sadness are inherent aspects of the human experience. Such periods should not be diagnosed as major depressive episodes unless criteria are met for sufficient severity (i.e. the period of sadness pervasively includes five out of the nine possible symptoms of major depression), sufficient duration (i.e. the symptoms are present most of the day, nearly every day, for at least 2 weeks), and clinically significant distress or impairment. A diagnosis of other specified depressive disorder may be appropriate for presentations of major depressive symptoms that cause clinically significant impairment but do not meet criteria for sufficient severity and duration.

Comorbidity

Other disorders with which MDD frequently co-occurs are substance-related disorders, panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and borderline personality disorder.

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joylessnightsky · 3 years

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As a dyslexic person…

You know, often times people hurt us without intending to. Us just meaning humans in general. We’re a stupid species, and we make mistakes. That’s okay. And everyone’s feelings are different, I know. Still, sometimes I have to really wonder how people don’t realize how what they are saying is hurtful.

And this post is half a vent and half a cautionary thing. If you ever talk to a dyslexic person, please be mindful of these things. Whether or not they’ll actually be hurt by some of these is not for me to tell you but for them, but you should still be mindful of it. Conversation and stuff, works with people of all kinds, you know?

If you have dyslexia yourself, please feel free to add on with your own experiences. And please read the post yourself, too. Because, as I already said, sometimes we hurt each other without wanting to, because different things hurt different people.

Now, let’s get to it:

1) A lot of the time people will say something like “That’s great for someone with dyslexia!” And I know they mean to compliment me. I know they mean to say that it is an accomplishment. And it probably is. But by saying that, you’re actually devaluating my accomplishment. It’s basically the same problem as if someone said “You’re so nice for a man.” or “That’s such an impressive career for a woman.” There’s a serious difference between giving a compliment and giving a compliment in relation to something about you.

I worked for the reading speed I have. I worked for the capability to write with so little misspellings that I could pass as just another student. I worked for being able to read a text I haven’t read before. I worked for being able to read out loud to the class without making an utter fool out of me. I worked, for years, about an hour a day, in therapy and at home, until my head hurt form the effort, despite the frustration, despite the insults, despite questioning if anything would ever actually help. So the last thing I need is for you to tell me that my efforts and my work make me “good for a dyslexic person”. Tell me I did good. I’d love to hear that. Tell me my work can be seen. But don’t remind me that my efforts will only ever be seen in the context of my diagnosis. At one point, I managed to become one of the top students in my literary class when it came to spelling in exams. And I still only got praised with that phrase. It’s honestly gotten to the point where the compliment makes me feel bad about myself. It’s not a compliment anymore! Just… Don’t. Don’t.

2) One time I was talking with my teacher about how the others would call me pretentious and say I only relied on my diagnosis and the “advantages” I supposedly got (they meant the stuff that was supposed to make my disadvantages less bad, I think). And she said that I shouldn’t take it to heart, that they didn’t know what they talked about and “whoever says someone like you shouldn’t be here is stupid.” A little context, we have a system with different forms of schools, the one I choose to attend is the form with basically all advanced classes.

Now, in on itself, this was a really great thing to say. The reason it’s still stuck with me years later in a negative sense is because no one had, in fact, questioned my position at said school. I had never even heard anyone say that dyslexic people being at this form of school was weird or anything. Never. The first time the idea that I had to prove myself capable of belonging there had been placed in my head at that very moment. She didn’t meant to do that, I know she didn’t. And that makes it all the worse, because she was trying to make things better and she was so kind about it. I can’t even be angry at her for planting that thought in my head! And the way she so casually said that, as if it was a known fact that people would think I didn’t belong there, as if it was only natural for people to say something like that to me - even if she said they’d be stupid and wrong to do so - really hurt. A lot.

So all I’m asking is, please check what was said to someone. Don’t assume what they might have heard others say about them. If you’re wrong, knowing that people could possibly think that on top of everything else can feel… icky.

3) I’ve meet a lot of ignorant people in my life. We all have, haven’t we? And one of those people was my teacher for one horrible year. I pity everyone who ever has to live through her classes at this point. Why do people who can’t respect others have a mind of their own become educators again?

Anyways, I’ve posted about this before, but she was sure that she knew better than me what dyslexia meant, as well as that dyslexia had to be the same as reading and writing disorder and I had my facts wrong. Surprising no one she never really cared much that I couldn’t do the things my classmates could do. And one day she had the nerve to tell me that “class is over and you should have been able to write that down in time if you’d actually worked. So, if you really need these notes, just ask someone for them. I’m sure even you can manage that, right?” and take the notes down from the board. She didn’t have to do that, and she had put those notes there in the last minute. I’d told her they were too small for me to read and that I couldn’t tell the letters apart like that. She hadn’t cared. Yeah… That was one of the few times a teacher made me cry in the bathroom.

So, even though I can’t believe I have to say that, don’t assume you know what someone can or can’t do, and listen to them when they talk about their experience. If they say they can’t do something, they can’t. And no matter how much you think to know about a disability, when someone lives with it, they know what it’s like in a way that you could never know.

4) I’ve also had a math teacher, and he was great! One of those teachers that just make sense and that actually really care about their students and them understanding things rather than learning them like vocab cards. He was the only math teacher who I’ve ever felt comfortable with enough to confess that measurements can be tricky on some days. Does it say “cm”, “dm”, “km” or even just “m” there? Is it “L”, “cL” or “dL”? “g” or “kg”? He was really nice about it and we made a deal: In every class test I got the measurement would not change within one task. Helped a lot. And yet…

Students talk. They noticed. Because what my teacher had done, you see is adjust just my class test. I didn’t need to switch between measurements, the others did. and I see why that wasn’t considered fair. It really isn’t, because that doesn’t have much to do with reading or writing. Yet the issue at the bottom was still there. What I’m saying is that if you change a task so that a dyslexic person can work with it, don’t change it just for them. Especially not if the task itself changes then. Dear teachers, if you’re reading this, do it for everyone or not at all. Yes it helps if you do that, but no it isn’t fair if it’s just for one person. And I honestly still feel like I cheated after hearing what my classmates said.

5) Sometimes people will tell me that it’s impressive that I work against the dyslexia, you know, did the therapy and everything (even though many people just can’t afford it and would do it if they could). In that context a little sentence often fell that I just hate from the bottom of my heart: “If only everyone would do as much. It’s great that you don’t just rely on your diagnosis to take care of everything.”

First of all, I was lucky. I was lucky my health insurance covered not only one but two therapies. It didn’t for my brothers, my parents had to pay for that themselves. And that is not cheap! Not everyone can afford to do therapy. Not everyone has the chance to do therapy. That the therapy worked as well as it did was, again, luck. That my dyslexia was on the lighter side to begin with was also luck. That I knew I was at risk and got tested early on, so that I was diagnosed at an age where a real difference could be made through developmental psychology was also luck. Don’t ever make the mistake to think that one person who got lucky can be used as the bar.

Secondly, everyone’s dyslexia is different. You can’t compare mine to other people’s struggles. Again, my form of dyslexia isn’t that bad. Both my brothers have it worse. Sure, it might not be the easiest to deal with and it’s not the bare minimum for the diagnosis, but others have it worse than I do. And they have different symptoms. I can’t even deal with most of mine, they are just easy to conceal until I have a better day. We’re not all the same, so don’t compare us in a way that makes it look like we are.

Third, a lot was my own research. No one told me that there is a fond that was developed for dyslexic people to read easier (”OpenDyslexic”, if you are interested. It’s free to download). No one told me about all the side effects, no one told me “hey, this might actually be because of your dyslexia, too”. No one told me having subtitles on in a language I already spoke would help remembering the spelling of words. No one told me how to articulate things. I didn’t get an awful lot of help along the way, you know? Keep in mind, I come from an environment in which I got more help than on average. And you saying that is basically pushing the responsibility onto us. You made a world in which we have little to no access to help, and you’re shaming us for not finding any.

Last but everything but least, you make it sound like the treatment and the way we handle this is what makes the dyslexia valid. If you’re really thinking so, you’re wrong. Like, really wrong. I chose to work my ass off to teach my brain how to keep up. I managed to find information on it. I was lucky to get the possibility to do so, because of the way you are handling this. None of that makes my diagnosis valid. It doesn’t, because it already is. My struggles, my feelings about it, my experiences, my symptoms are what makes this valid. The diagnosis, dyslexia? That just gave it a name.

6) “That might be hard for you to do. Are you sure you can handle this?” I’m glad that you are concerned on my behalf. But as someone who also has a lot of anxiety and has lived with this shit in my mind for my entire life, I can guarantee you that I do, in fact know my limits. I have lost many opportunities in my life because I wasn’t sure I could handle it, or because I couldn’t tell beforehand if I would have a “good day” or a “bad day”.

I’m aware of the risk. I decided to take the risk, or am in the process of decided whether or not to take that risk. You aren’t helping. If you are concerned, offer to help me should I struggle. If you can’t help me, offer support. If you can neither help nor support me, I don’t know you well enough for you to be meddling with my choices so you should just leave me alone.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for taking your time to read this. I hope this’ll help. And if you do make a dyslexic person uncomfortable or hurt them with something you say or do, please remember that that will happen, no matter what someone’s dealing with. Even my brothers will hurt me sometimes and I will hurt them sometimes, even though we are all dyslexic and have known each other for literally all our lives, because we all experience this differently. And that’s okay. You can’t always know what will hurt someone and it’s not you job to read their mind and figure it out on your own either. Important is that you recognize you’ve made a mistake and that you make a conscious effort to avoid said mistake in the future. And remember: Sometimes it’s not what you’re trying to say but rather how you’re saying it that hurts. Formulations can make a huge difference.

#dyslexia #dislexic #mental health #what to avoid #please add on to this #long post #I decided not to add a cut because I don't want to cut any of this off #So it's a bit longer to scroll past #sorry about that

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parniarazi · 4 years

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realignment + growth

I haven’t wrote here or in general much lately, as school and worked have picked up and kept me busy, even with doing it all from home! Pandemic aside, the world is moving quickly and it’s hard to keep up sometimes. Especially when big moments happen (like RBG passing), it can feel overwhelming and like nothing we can do matters. What helps me when I feel in over my head is just purging it all with a deep self-reflection that helps anchor me down to what I’m doing towards on a daily basis and how that’s working for me in the big picture. Going back through this blog, I briefly looked over what I wrote at the turn of the year, as 2020 was beginning. Even though things have felt very different and stagnant this year, I realized I’ve actually grown so much and come so far even in this short time!

A year ago right now, I was going through one of the most difficult times of my life, as major shifts were happening in all areas of my life. I had breezed through most of my undergrad, always feeling like school came rather easily to me and academia was an area I wanted to pursue because of this. I didn’t know what to do after graduation, reconciling between wanting to find a “good paying” job with my degree/interests, and wanting to do something that aligns with what I’m passionate about and can bring me a deeper sense of fulfillment. Since I was doing well in school and professors encouraged me when I told them I wanted to go to grad school‚ I figured pursing my PhD and becoming a professor was the way to go. I idolized my professors and loved my campus, so it wasn’t hard to envision myself doing this...at least until I actually started my grad program in political science. Last fall, I was failing and withdrew from a class for the first time, was concerned about having to pay back my scholarship for the semester, and had no idea what I would do if I left my program. I was desperately searching for a way out because I knew I could not thrive (or even survive) in the environment of my grad department— it was revealing some ugly realities and turned out be the opposite of everything I wanted in a career!

Fortunately, being on campus, I was able to talk to other people and departments and eventually found my home in the Communications grad program. I had a cross-listed class, and the Comm students were friendly and inviting, so I began talking to them and found out more about their program. They still seemed to have a soul unlike my own peers— so that was already a good sign! I definitely wanted to keep my soul and work in a field that would respect and pay me for my work. Keep in mind, while all this school/career crisis of wondering what I should do with my life was happening, it was also my first few months being moved out my parents house and living with my boyfriend for the first time. I was missing my family constantly, and adjusting to my new home/life while struggling with horrible anxiety that weighed me down like bricks on my chest.

It got to be too much sometimes— especially because on top of that, my income was tied to my school because I had just started as a graduate assistant in an office on campus. This was also my first real “job,” outside of what I considered to be my “fun college job” teaching swim lessons. Not only did school suck at this time for me, but I also hated this job and the people in my office. It worsened my anxiety, and I ended up going to the school clinic and getting a formal diagnosis (and medication) for anxiety for the first time in my life, even though I’ve dealt with it for as long as I can remember. This was a big step and turning point, because I refused to compromise my mental health and wellbeing for anything. A career that comes at such a cost is not for me— having balance and self-care are far too important to me.

While all of this was happening, I kept pushing my political science advisors to help me and connected with the Communications department about getting into their program instead. I had to advocate for myself harder than ever and push other people to help me, but in the end it was worth it! I finished the semester with the 2 courses I kept, managed to keep getting paid even though my position required full-time enrollment, and I ended up getting accepted into the Comm program by transferring instead of having to wait until the next fall to reapply. With my anxiety, and just being a more a shy/introverted person who was so scared I’d hardly ever speak up in class, I had to find my voice, create my own boundaries, and talk to adults I felt really uncomfortable talking to at first. Big lesson: you have to advocate and speak up for yourself until people see and hear you! It is always worth it, regardless of if you get what you want or not.

I started off the spring in my new program and settled in so much better from the start! I also kept my campus job I hated, but was searching desperately for internships and opportunities to get some actual Comm experience under my belt, as I was entering a new field I had zero experience in. I applied for everything I could and I got a little side gig working as a part-time student organizer for an intersectional feminist non-profit based out of Austin. I was super stoked to just get to do something I’m passionate about and get paid for it, even it was small. Little did I know, this would lead me to big things! Even with the pandemic hitting in the spring, I managed to finish my courses with A’s, work from home with my campus job (no more depressing office vibes!), and apply for dozens of internships. I ended up getting two remote internships over the summer that paid me— one with the same non-profit I was working with as a Digital Intern and another similar position with a different non-profit. I was finally gaining some of the experience and skills I really needed to start a career in this field. Even though the non-profit route was not what I had in mind, I loved my internships and the teams I worked with, and it was so rewarding.

It wasn’t easy working long hours from my laptop on my dining table, but it did have its own perks. No bras or dress pants or waking up early to get ready and drive in traffic— it’s a hell yes from your fave introvert! Another pandemic-inspired moment was finally getting a dog! Even through this seems irrelevant it actually was really in perfect alignment with what I wanted and timing. I’ve wanted a dog for as long as I can remember, I’ve always loved animals and with my anxiety it was something I hoped would help at least a little bit. My parents never wanted us to have a dog and I grew up with them telling me it was a huge responsibility so even after I moved out I hesitated and wanted to give myself time to adjust and make money before taking on that responsibility. This summer, I started pushing my boyfriend to look into fostering programs to help me adjust to having a dog at home, and we did but had no luck. One day, I saw a friend posting about a lost dog they found who needed a home. She was cute and I wanted to go see her just to scope it out, and of course the universe brought the most perfect little dog into my life at the most perfect time!

I was just finishing up my internship and had a few weeks of down time before the semester started, so it was the perfect time to adjust to having my new dog, Sage, around. Since then, we’ve bonded so much and I love just having another little creature around the house! She really does bring warmth and light into my life. She pushes me to get outside more even when I feel shitty, she makes me have a more consistent routine, and just helps alleviate my stress while connecting me with my inner child and inner caretaker at the same time. During the latter half of this quarantine, my boyfriend and I also had our share of struggles and fights we had to work through. Like anything worth having, it took effort to work through some rough patches, but at the end of the day I believe in the power of love and its ability to persevere and heal, even in the most difficult times. Not to mention, having our little Sage around even helped us through it! This taught me to trust that the right things will happen in the right timing, and the right people will make an effort to stick it out with you.

I was incredible lucky and blessed that several things I was manifesting and working hard towards happened in perfect alignment. First, I got a scholarship from my grad school that allowed me go back full-time and only have to pay half of my tuition (big plus since I was paying this myself). Secondly, one of the ladies I had worked with during my Digital internship found another position and was leaving the non-profit I had worked with, and she recommended me for a part-time version of her position. They extended me this offer shortly before my semester started for school. I planned to keep my campus job, since it was staying remote too, and I wanted to stack up some savings after the COVID-life lessons I’d been learning. I knew it was going to be a challenge to maintain the personal/self-care balance I need in life with my now full-time class load and 2 part-time jobs. However, I felt so fortunate to have these opportunities while so many people across the country are struggling to keep normalcy going or even stay afloat during this time. Especially not being able to travel, go out much, or do other things, I figured what better time than now to just buckle down to work hard and make major moves towards what I want.

The universe is blessing me with this alignment and opportunity right now— it’s giving me everything I worked for in this past year. Especially with my new job at the non-profit, the team is incredibly kind but also puts serious support behind their staff. They’re paying me pretty well, but also want to transition me to a full-time staff member at their Austin office after I graduate! They’re mentoring me and teaching me so much, plus I’m getting to know a network of professionals who work in organizing, advocacy, and other important work that directly helps people! Like I literally could not have asked for anything better and more me! Life lesson: It’s worth struggling for a bit and diving into the unknown as long as you feel like it’s the right thing to do for you.

My parents had wanted me to stay in the PhD program. I knew in my gut and heart that it wasn’t going to work for me though, so I split the second I could. I trusted myself, advocated for myself, and worked through the scary uncertainties about if I would ever find a job I liked and that paid me well. I knew changing career paths would give me a chance to open myself up to new things that align better with who I am and what I desire in life and work. Here I am a year later, and I wouldn’t have gotten any of these amazing opportunities if I hadn’t trusted myself and worked hard to forge my path. Although this year turned out to be nothing like what any of us had planned, I’m so privileged and lucky that it turned out to be a year of incredible milestones and growth for me nonetheless!

Today, with this new moon energy and the powerful seasonal shift of fall on the verge of unfolding, I felt the need to make these reflections as a reminder to myself that hard work pays off. Doing what’s right pays off. Doing work that matters really fucking pays off. Fall is a special season that allows us to harvest the seeds we’ve sown all year. It’s cheesy, but I’m a sucker for being in tune with nature and the seasons, trusting each season will bring its own negatives and positives that foster growth or death in the right places, restoring a greater balance in the ways that we need.

With each season, I am growing into a stronger, wiser, more beautiful version of myself. I am deeply grateful for everything, both the good and bad in my life, because every detail is a puzzle piece that allows for the big picture of my path and place in the world to unfold. I’ve also been fostering patience and maturity, as I navigate this pandemic world and knowing (unlike many other people my age) that as much as I miss the “normal world” too, it’s not worth risking my own health or the health of anyone else to have “fun.” I can reinvent the ways in which I bring joy and fun into my life, while staying safe and trusting that those moments and activities will make their way back in my life eventually as things get better. It’s all temporary.

I am unshakable in my roots and focused on what is important. My vibe is so strong and beautiful, it’s no surprise that I’m not for everyone! Of course, there are areas like friendships and my social life that I’ve put on the back burner for now, but I know as I’m working on myself and just being authentic in putting myself out there, the right people will make their way into my life at the right time! Growing up is strange anytime but especially in this moment, and in some ways I’ve grown apart from who I thought I was, but I also feel more connected to myself than ever. I am healing each day with the light and love in my life— I don’t need anyone’s approval and have nothing to prove to anyone but myself!

My value and my place in the world doesn’t require anyone’s approval and is not tied to down to any single thing. It comes through in the love I give and receive, it comes through in the way my soul feels when I wake up, it comes through in the literal beauty I get to experience in the world. I went through a negative slump in the late summer and my anxiety was majorly triggered these past several weeks as I re-adjusted to full-time school and my work. This new moon has brought great clarity, a sense of deeper renewal, and turning a new leaf as I return home to myself. To my positive outlook and perseverance that has brought me to this point. Life is nothing without the little moments of joy and love— again, just let me corny and say that aligning back to being present and enjoying those little things is really all that matters.��

My past self would be so proud of me and where I am today. I worked for and earned every beautiful moment that comes my way, and I intend on giving that back to others. Every ray of light that enters me, every penny of abundance I receive, I intend on reflecting right back, because nothing is meant to just be absorbed. It’s nothing unless it’s reflected back into the world in meaningful ways, whether those are tangible or not. I trust that I am making my mark by simply being me and being that reflection. This is how history changes course, and patterns are broken with new ones created. I’ll end with a few manifestations and mantras for this fall-winter season we’re entering!

M A N I F E S T A T I O N S

☽ The people will win, because our power truly is greater than that of those in power. We all deserve better, and so many people are putting in tireless work to make that better world a reality. Thing may not be perfect, now or ever, but making progress and supporting those who need it the most is always a win and it is coming our way because there is a shift happening that the world will have to keep up with.

☽ I will reconnect with my more creative side, allowing my potential to shine through even more. Whether it’s for work or for my own hobbies, I will continue finding outlets for myself to create things that feel authentic and important to who I am, but to also fill in gaps where I feel like others need it.

☽ I will stay rooted and grounded in my spiritual practices, even when they’re the easiest things to give up when life gets busy, that just means they’re even more necessary to stay connected with! I will make time for journaling, playing, meditating, yoga, cooking, and other activities that bring me in tune with my natural state as a human.

☽ I will connect and find community. Through being my most authentic self and working through my scars, my negative patterns, and my own blocks, I will find a sense of community with others and find people on my same wavelength who I can connect with. No expectations in mind or idealized version of friendship in mind, just pure desire to connect with others and mutually contribute to each others’ lives in positive ways

☽ Love will persevere and heal as its meant to, in both my relationship and family. Everything will be okay and work out just fine, if not better, than I expect. Pavel and I will be okay and keep growing together, and my family will be okay in staying healthy and strong through this time as something better arises for my dad’s work situation.

M A N T R A S

☽ I am focused on what matters right now.

☽ I am strong, powerful, and capable of doing what I set my mind to.

☽ I have a kind and beautiful energy that anyone would be lucky to have.

☽ I can find presence and joy in the little moments.

☽ I can find patience and trust that everything will happen as its meant to.

#reflection #2020 life #words #personal #new moon

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soncfseed · 4 years

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reposted from my old blog

i want to post some links so people can better understand what bpd is and what a personality disorder is and is not. then, i’ll do a quick rundown of the 9 bpd symptoms and which ones ethan has/displays and how they manifest for him.

here is a quick ref of some common misconceptions about the disorder. tldr version: a lot of people think bpd isnt real, or that people with bpd are just crazy assholes but its a legitimate mental health problem that has multiple factors including ones that seem to be genetic and environmental.

a personality disorder is defined by the mayo clinic as: “a type of mental disorder in which you have a rigid and unhealthy pattern of thinking, functioning and behaving. A person with a personality disorder has trouble perceiving and relating to situations and people. This causes significant problems and limitations in relationships, social activities, work and school. In some cases, you may not realize that you have a personality disorder because your way of thinking and behaving seems natural to you.” basically, its not that a person has a bad personality in terms of poor character or is intentionally acting in a way that may seem irrational or explosive, but rather that the person has functional differences in how their brain reacts to things. personality is defined as: “the combination of thoughts, emotions and behaviors that makes you unique. It’s the way you view, understand and relate to the outside world, as well as how you see yourself.” it isn’t just behaviour nor is it something people consciously control 100% of the time. borderline personality disorder has been linked to physical differences in the brain and its functioning, particularly of neurotransmitters and brain chemicals similar to mood disorders like depression. it is a type of neurodivergence, not a skewed moral compass, a choice, or something that people with bpd typically enjoy. the symptoms are very stress inducing and cause a lot of turmoil for the affected person, and when poor coping skills have been ingrained and then create further stress or complications in the person’s life, particularly in interpersonal relationships.

ok now we’re gonna hit the 9 symptoms and 4 domains of bpd and how ethan fits into it. the dsm-5 requires 5 symptoms out of 9 for a person to be diagnosed with bpd. ethan displays, in my opinion, 8/9 symptoms and would be a candidate for diagnosis in my experience.

domain a - emotional regulation 1) “Affective (emotional) instability including intense, episodic emotional anguish, irritability, and anxiety/panic attacks” ✅ generally, this is episodes of intense sadness, anger, irritability, insecurity and self doubt for ethan. he doesnt usually have anxiety or panic attacks, but he has had a few in extremely stressful situations. his symptoms of an anxiety attack tend to lean more towards irritability and emotional outbursts.

2) “Anger that is inappropriate, intense and difficult to control” ✅ while ethan does become rightfully frustrated when the captain returns the book, the fact that he has what seems like a minute long complete meltdown including hitting/smashing objects, that would be a good example of the kind of situationally inappropriate anger and displays of temper ethan has. his anger spikes rapidly and it makes it hard to control his actions at times.

3) “Chronic feelings of emptiness” ✅ while we don’t necessarily see this explicitly in game, i’d argue that’s part of his experience of bpd. he often feels a lack of purpose, a lack of self, and substitutes that with his role as the leader of new eden.

theres additional symptoms described as such: “In addition, if you suffer from borderline disorder, you may also experience emotional hyper-reactivity (“emotional storms”), or emotional responses that are occasionally under- reactive, and frequent episodes of loneliness, and boredom. “ ethan definitely experiences emotional storms, and episodes of loneliness particularly. thats amplified by the fact that hes not particularly close to anyone in new eden besides maybe the judge. between a lack of substantial interpersonal ties with his community and his disorder, his episodes of loneliness are often very intense and distressing.

domain b - harmful impulsive behaviors 4) “Self-damaging acts such as excessive spending, unsafe and inappropriate sexual conduct, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating” ✅ ethan deals with this to an extent, but not these specific self damaging behaviours. for ethan, its usually not eating or not sleeping for periods of time, or going on particularly dangerous missions to find the book. hunting also serves as an adrenaline rush, but because it sustains new eden its less impulsive than it is an acceptable way of spending a day

5) “Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats, or self-injurious behavior such as cutting or hitting yourself.” ❌ ethan has suicidal ideations, but doesn’t have a history of engaging in self harm or suicide attempts.

though not an explicit symptom, dangerous impulsivity that affects the self or others is a common symptom, and one ethan does deal with. his decision to turn new eden over to the highwaymen was in part spurred by his impulsive thinking and behaviour.

domain c - perceptions of self and others 6) “A markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of yourself (your perceptions of yourself, your identity)” ✅ ethan definitely experiences shifts in this realm. this is part of why he ties himself so strongly to his identity as the leader of new eden in light of his poor relationship with his father (which will come up again). when that is threatened, it sends him spiraling because of his unstable self image. this applies to ethan’s image of himself as a person morally, his worth relative to others, and even how he feels about his body and appearance.

7) “Suspiciousness of others thoughts about you, and even paranoid ideation, or transient and stress related dissociative episodes during which you feel that you or your surroundings appear unreal.” ✅ ethan is absolutely suspicious of others and it goes beyond his learned suspicion of outsiders that all of new eden seems to have. he is particularly suspicious of his father, and of people within his own community. some of this is completely rational, but it often extends beyond that. he experiences, in my hc, dissociative episodes and bouts of depersonalization where parts of his body don’t feel real or don’t feel attached to him/belonging to him.

“Other symptoms in this Domain include split- or “all-or-nothing” thinking, difficulty “pulling” your thoughts together so they make sense, and rational problem solving, especially in social conflicts.” ethan deals with all of these issues generally speaking. this is in part why his decision to burn down new eden was so extreme; he has difficulty at times with regulating what is rational and what is not (and making nuanced decisions), particularly when under extreme emotional duress like during an explosive emotional episode or mood swing.

domain d - unstable relationships 8) “You may engage in frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.”✅ this is part of why he looked so hard for the book, why he pushes himself so hard to be the leader of new eden and why he turns on them so aggressively at the end. sometimes this can manifest as lashing out, a way to “get them before they get me” mentality. he has particularly strong responses to feeling abandoned or ignored.

9) “Your relationships may be very intense, unstable, & alternate between the extremes of overidealizing and undervaluing people who are important to you.” ✅ this is definitely something ethan struggles with, especially with his father. this is also why he was willing to let new eden burn and its people suffer with it. he had swung too far back from feeling rejected that went completely into “new eden bad”, undervaluing everyone there to the point that he was able to rationalize destroying the place at the expense of the people who lived there.

none of this is meant to excuse his poor decision making, but in the context of my hc for him, it explains why he can act so irrationally at times, and so extremely. in reality, people with bpd are more likely to hurt themselves through self harm, suicide attempts, impuslive behavior, and self destructive behavior. ethan seed is 1) not a real person and 2) living under some very intense and unusual circumstances with probably the WORST person to parent someone with bpd, joseph “i talk to god and he says your soul is tainted” seed. he also doesn’t know he has a disorder and doesn’t have the knowledge or resources to get mental health treatment for his disorder. as it stands, however, he’s made some pretty bad and pretty horrible decisions, and at times can be a bad person. this doesn’t mean, however, that he is 100% bad or always awful, or that bpd is the sole cause of his behaviours. it isnt. lots of people (including myself) have bpd and we haven’t been directly or indirectly responsible for the deaths of anyone; we’ve never burned down our hometowns or tried to get our fathers killed. ethan’s display of bpd is more of a tool to explain and contextualize his behavior and character rather than to condemn him, condone him, or excuse his actions.

tldr ethan has bpd and so do i thanks 4 listening to my ted talk

#hc #long post #repost from old blog

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ailuronymy · 4 years

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Information on narcolepsy.

Thank you for letting me submit! I would like to skip over the nitty gritty of if cats can even get narcolepsy and assume that this is a case creative liberty.

Narcolepsy is, at its core, the lack of the body’s ability to regulate REM sleep. Typically this manifests in a severely shortened or lack of a REM phase while sleeping at night, along with the possibility of a REM phase starting up while awake, typically while doing something that requires little effort or something habitual. Think things like personal hygiene, preparing food, or watching TV. This can range from being a mild annoyance to outright dangerous, depending on the severity of the narcolepsy and the situation. Things like driving to and from work (although a narcolepsy diagnosis automatically limits driving privileges, at least in my state) or using stairs are everyday actions that are particularly risky to those with narcolepsy.

In a warriors setting, I would assume this would manifest in rote activities as well. Grooming, casual conversation, border patrols. I exempt hunting patrols from this because I imagine that hunting would take a level of focus that would prevent a sleep attack, while border patrols would involve a similar path and repitative action unless something noteworthy happens. Each hunt would be slightly unique, or at least different from the last, and would involve actively using multiple senses. As far as coming out of a sleep attack goes, it doesn’t feel like falling asleep and then waking up. Instead its more like a gap in memory. I was at point a doing x activity, and then suddenly I am somewhere else having finished doing x with nothing in between. Or othertimes during a sleep attack you drop like a brick in a pond, although for me at least, I’ll just carry on doing what I was before the sleep attack more often than not. If it happens while talking, I will continue talking but will say unrelated or nonsensical things and work quality takes a sharp decline while asleep, but I digress.

The other symptoms of narcolepsy are sleep paralysis, hallucinations (which can happen at any time but are most common right before sleep and a few hours after,) excessive daytime sleepiness (which, depending on how you anthropomorphise could be altered to sleepiness during dawn and dusk if you keep your cats crepuscular, or kept to daytime if you go with erin hunter’s diurnal cats). Narcolepsy is often comorbid with one or more sleep disorders, such as chronic insomnia or restless leg syndrome. It’s worth noting that its often believed that insomnia is somehow opposite of narcolepsy and that the two are mutually exclusive to one another, when in reality they are rather common together. I personally tend to sleep very often and sleep throughout the night, but then get bouts of insomnia for a few nights in a row. I can also say with complete confidence that the amount of sleep I get has no impact on how rested I feel. Sleeping 12+ hours a day and being awake for 2 in a row feel the same.

The last symptom is cataplexy. I mentioned in my original ask that I have type 1 narcolepsy, which is the most common type, narcolepsy with cataplexy. Type 2 is narcolepsy without cataplexy, which I cannot really speak on because it is outside of my experience. Cataplexy, in short, is sudden onset muscle weakness during times of high emotion. Cataplexy can happen because of excitement, anger, or stress to name a few examples. Its a bit hard to explain to someone who has never experienced it, but I’ll do my best. In one particular instance of cataplexy, I saw a little baby goat and had gotten excited and happy, and then it was like I suddenly lost movement in my arms. It took immense focus to bend my elbows and move my shoulders, and I could curl my fingers but had no grip. Although I can’t feel it, friends have confirmed that cataplexy makes me “twitchy” in the effected body parts.

In another instance, I was stressed at work, and my whole body collapsed. My boss thought it that I was having a seizure. Cataplexy happens often, for me its with any form of intense emotion, although it is typically no worse than some difficulty keeping a grip or some issues with jaw control. It will last anywhere from a few seconds to 10+ minutes, and is by far the most disruptive symptom of narcolepsy. I imagine in a warriors setting it would make battles or even spars difficult or impossible.

As far as visibility goes in a clan setting, I imagine the medicine cat or peers would know something wasn’t right with the hypothetical narcoleptic cat, although to what digree would depend on various factors. Cataplexy would be the most visible symptom, and I feel like it’s safe to assume that if human doctors could mistake cataplexy for siezures for 8 years, then cat doctors would likely not be able to differentiate between the two. A particularly observant medicine cat may notice a lack of or shortened deep sleep phase, (on a side note, I’ve never had a cat who didn’t vocalize and move paws/whiskers while in deep sleep, so I’m assuming that it’s something that all/most cats do when asleep, and the lackof would be memorable, even if the motions aren’t understood to be linked to a deep sleep phase)

It’s doubtful to me that in a clan setting, a narcoleptic cat would be viewed as lazy because of how closely they all live and how commonly they interact. As far as my experience goes, only people I didn’t see on a regular basis were the ones to view me as lazy or be offput if I fell asleep during a conversation/started to say strange things through a sleep attack. People who I saw daily or almost daily were able to see the full scope of my symptoms and as such were able to tell that there was clearly something more going on than just me nodding off at inconvenient times. There was mostly worry or sympathy, and while sometimes my symptoms were annoying to them, they understand that it is something outside of my control.

That’s about all I can think of right now, but I hope it helps! (Also, I can link you the original post if you still can’t find it if you would like?)

Grey’s notes: first of all, I want to say a huge thank you to you for all the work you’ve put into writing this up and sharing it with this blog, because this is incredibly detailed and thought-out, both as general information to learn about narcolepsy and as legitimate world-building speculation! Thank you! You’re saying thank you to me for letting you submit this but real talk: we who get to read your account are the ones who benefit the most, because we get to improve and update our knowledge. That’s a gift.

In case anyone’s interested, the post this is in response to can be found here--but frankly, this submission is what you should refer to on this topic from here on. It’s a lot more valuable than anything I’ve said on the subject in the past.

Thank you again for the time and thought you’ve put into writing this up. I really appreciate it. I run Ailuronymy as much as I can as a resource for people to learn from and refer to, but the fact is, specialised knowledge and experience from people like yourself is actually what makes the blog great. Your generosity here is very much acknowledged and appreciated!

#submission

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manichoneybee · 5 years

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Tips for Mentally Ill Students

Preface: I know theres a lot of this kind of stuff around, but I thought I would put out my two cents as someone with ADHD, anxiety, and Bipolar II (so a combo of hypomania and depression that cause things I’ll elaborate on in this). This may or may not help with some chronic illnesses, as I have fibromyalgia which is pretty inseparable from my mental health.

This all comes from my experience as a first year college student, who didn’t fully take this advice all the time, but definitely plan to fully incorporate in my first semester and I’ll update you. Most of this advice I did take though, and I made it on the deans list and got a 4.0 on my jury so I think I did well for myself.

1. Do Things Ahead of Time - Executive dysfunction, depression, pain, etc. is a bitch. It will tell you that you can’t, that you shouldn’t, that it’s impossible to do that thing you need to do. And really sometimes it is impossible for you. I know I found it impossible to do my homework sometimes, and thats not good. However, this is where using your good days to full advantage comes in. On my end of this, I often even use my hypomanic days (which are not fun trust me, but thats not what this post is about) to get shit done. When you have a day where you feel like you can do things, USE IT. Do your homework, clean that corner of your room, plan a month ahead (I literally make bujo spreads a month ahead in order to counteract my depression and busy days), email that professor, get it all done. You will love your past self for it.

2. Spend Time Outside of Your Room - (Bear with me this one is long) Ok, I love to sleep, I am constantly tired. Fibromyalgia is horrible, as is depression. However, sleeping all the time is not conducive to studying, doing homework, practicing oboe, showering (trust me you will not wanna get out of bed just to shower and you will go for days without). In college you have a lot of free time, and that free time could be spent in your room, or it could be utilized to 1) spend time with friends 2) study in the library 3) practice an instrument 4) explore the campus/city 5) draw in cafe. I’ve found that being outside of your room improves your mood, and also allows you to be more focused on your work. Personally, I like to find the most underutilized area of the campus at the time, and studying or drawing there. I even once had a TA tell me to go take a walk and destress rather than take a test, and he just had me take the test the next week (he was the best TA). It’s very good to get out of buildings, especially your dorm. (If I’m honest though I did sleep in the lobby of the music building many times which probably wasn’t good, but I’ll admit this tip didn't always work).

3. Honestly Classical Music Doesn’t Always Work - as a music major who plays the oboe, I’ll be honest, classical music is distracting. I find myself constantly analyzing it and/or just getting bored with it lol. So, to fuel my brain’s need for stimulation while I do homework I put on podcasts or youtube video in the background. I know people will tell you that you can’t multitask, but as someone with both ADHD and exhausting hypomania, I need entertainment. If that means classical music for you, go for it, but I’ve talked to a couple of people and they agree with me - it doesn’t always work.

4. Say No - people will ask you to do a lot of things such as going to a concert, party, tutor them and you don't have to do it. If you don’t want to, if you don’t have the energy, if you just don’t like them, don’t do it. I feel like this is the hardest tip because many of us don’t want to be hated, but what other people think of you doesn’t matter as long they don’t effect your future, such as professors obviously. This is incredibly hard to internalize.

5. 100% Effort All The Time Is Not Possible - we talk a lot about giving what you want to receive. Thats not how it works. You can’t always give 100%, and you won’t always receive 100%. The world isn’t equal. You need to decide how much energy you can serve that day, how much energy you think something deserves, and then apply it. You may receive just as much energy as you put in, you may get less in return, or you may get more. It just depends on what you’re doing. Its not fair to yourself if you treat yourself like a battery powered machine. You're more like a cell phone that needs to recharge and has less and less energy to give the more time you go between recharges.

6. Actually Socializing is Good For You And That Can Include Parties - I know I just said say no to parties, but parties can be refreshing. Obviously I you have social anxiety it might not be, but you don’t always have to go to parties you can just hang with a friend at a cafe. However, what I'm trying to get across is that doing something new is much better than constantly doing homework, working, and just generally being by yourself. If I’m truthful, I love parties, I think they really bring me alive as an introverted extrovert, and they save me from myself. By the way, I'm not advocating for underage drinking here. You don’t have to drink at parties, and if anyone pressures you to, leave. but if you're in a safe environment parties, genuinely are a good thing to save you from self impose solitary confinement.

7. Talk to Your Professors/TAs - this one is self explanatory. Your professors are your greatest resource, and you need to tell them when you are having issues. This doesn’t mean you have to tell them your mental illness. Its genuinely not necessary, unless you really want them to understand the issue (such as e telling my piano TAs about my fibromyalgia that hurt my fingers). You can just ask them for an extension on the occasional piece of work, email them on your bad days and tell them you can not make it to class and ask for a make up date for the test. Most professors are very kind especially if you are in a small class/major. Of course it depends on the class. Personally I’d reserve this for your smaller classes, and use your extra effort on those big classes where accommodation is harder for the professor.

8. Related: Use Your School’s Resources - on that note, your school may have counseling/therapy/psychiatry/etc. that you can use. If it’s free, or you have the insurance, please use it, and if you can, use it regularly. In many cases if you have an official diagnosis, you can get disability accommodation for your mental illness and/or disability and/or chronic illness. This means you'll have an official “excuse” for violating the absence policy (please don’t though, that one is tougher to accomodate), for turning in your homework a day late, for needing power-points to be presented rather than verbal lectures (I have this one for just in case moments, normally professors automatically accommodate this though). This means that if professor don’t let you use your accommodations, they can get in trouble.

9. Have Things That Make You Feel Better Easily Available - sometimes it’s incredibly tough to get out of bed, but you need to. On these days, you need something that can make you feel better without just skipping class. On these days I always have sweatpants or leggings available for comfiness, in the fall I grab my emotional support scarf (not a total joke, that scarf comforts me on my panicky days), sometimes I even use my CBD vape pen (yes, yes I know self vape nation lol get it put of your system). Just having things that make you feel good, in your site, and readily available for use is so important and can really make the difference.

10. Not Every Piece of Homework Needs to be Done - exclusively the only reason I did not get a 3.8-4.0 is because I weighed my options and decided it was better for me to not do certain low weighted hw. Rather than use my spoons doing hw that wasn’t going to ultimately help (I knew the material, if you don’t know the material it’s tougher to use this tip), I used my spoons and energy towards doing the laundry or practicing my oboe for an extra 30 mins. It’s important that you weigh what is more important to you personally.

I hope these helped! I’m trying to be realistic as possible, and been as candid as possible so if this helped feel free to message me and talk about it because I’d love to hear your story as I’ve shared a bit of mine here.

Also, go ahead and add on to this with your tips!

#studyblr #tips #advice #mental health #positivity #school #college #productivity #studyspo

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sunsetsover · 5 years

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I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on Ben having BPD

ok WHEW you just opened a fucking can of worms this about to be the longest post i’ve ever made i hope you have your seatbelt on

let me just preface this by saying nearly everything i talk abt in this post will be based off of my personal experiences w bpd. some people experience it differently, some people might not agree w some of the things i say, but i can only talk abt my own pov. therefore, this just my own personal opinions on ben having bpd. so yh lmao

and disclaimer!! i’m not a doctor!! don’t take anything i say in this post as diagnostic criteria! i’m not an expert or mental health professional!! when it comes to your own mental health or the mental health of ppl in your life, do not consider me a source to reference like ‘oh well lauren sunsetsover said xyz’ like pls just don’t do that. do your own research. and most importantly consult a doctor!!!!!! i am not one!!!!!!!!!

also there are very few sources in this post bc most of this is just shit i’ve absorbed over the years from doctors and doing my own research lmao

now that’s out of the way let’s go! (this became part character study, part informational masterpost on bpd. also it got really fuckin long, hence the read more, so be warned lmao)

warning for potentially triggering content (abuse/mentions of suicide and self harm - nothin too bad but i do touch on ben’s behaviour and history, and this is a p serious mental health issue we’re talking abt here so! take care of yourselves!!)

ok so! some things to keep in mind before we even get to ben:

i believe (at least in the uk) borderline personality disorder is considered to be an outdated name, and one that essentially isn’t appropriate or fit for purpose anymore, so in my experience, a lot of the time now it’s referred to as eupd (emotionally unstable personality disorder) in medical settings. which is way more apt name imo, and tells you more abt what bpd actually is (but i still call it bpd bc it’s easier and ppl know what that is lmao). so like. emotionally unstable personality disorder. i bet that conjures up a way more vivid idea in ur head than borderline personality disorder does.

no one 100% knows what causes bpd, though it’s thought to be a combination of genetic and environmental factors, like most things. but the general consensus is that bpd develops when something (usually traumatic, but not always in an extreme sense. ppl w bpd have often been victims of some type of abuse in their childhood, but that’s not necessarily always the case) happens in your childhood that impacts the development of your personality. kind of a bizarre metaphor but hopefully it will help u understand: u know how in finding nemo, the egg nemo was in got damaged by the shark? and even tho the damage looked minor, it actually meant that one of his fins was permanently damaged - it was malformed, it didn’t grow right, he couldn’t use it properly? well imagine the fin = the personality; that’s what happens to a person w bpd’s personality. smth happens to us in our childhood that permanently damages our personality, and so it doesn’t grow and develop properly as the rest of us does, making it less functional than an average person’s. u can imagine how that can lead to all sorts of problem (we’ll get to them later)

but bc it’s a mental disorder that affects the personality, you can’t be diagnosed w bpd until you’re 18, when your personality is basically developed fully (i believe it can be diagnosed slightly younger, but those are rare and extreme cases). however, symptoms can start to present themselves earlier, as ur personality begins to develop and mature. (mine started presenting in my early teens)

bpd doesn’t really go away, and treatment with medication generally isn’t effective for long periods of time. however symptoms can be treated with continued therapy, and symptoms sometimes can start to ease as you get older!!

bpd also gets misdiagnosed a lot bc a lot of the symptoms are similar to that of other mental health problems. the biggest one it gets misdiagnosed as seems to be bipolar disorder, which i get tbh. i’ve always considered bpd very similar to bipolar, just like… quicker cycles. there are even memes about it. also bpd has a tendency to coexist w other mental health issues, which makes it harder to recognise and diagnose.

so now lets look at this from a diagnostic perspective

in order to be diagnosed w bpd you basically have to deemed, by a medical professional, to be meet certain criteria, and to have been meeting these certain criteria for a significant amount of time. there are some variations to this criteria, and proposed subtypes and basically different flavours of borderlines but i’m not even gonna go there. i’m just gonna talk abt what i’m most familiar w and how i think that applies to ben.

i’m copying and pasting the diagnostic criteria part from here bc as far as i’m aware this is the criteria doctors use for diagnosis. there are 9 different ‘indicators’/’criteria’, and you have to display or meet at least 5 of them in order to be considered for a bpd diagnosis:

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

this is one of, if not the biggest part of bpd. that trauma i mentioned earlier? often stems from or is related to abandonment, or perceived abandonment, in childhood, be it physical or emotional. for example, a child that’s being abused by one parent might feel abandoned by the other parent if they don’t do anything about it, even if the second parent has no idea the abuse is going on. sound familiar? a similar thing happened to ben, with stella. phil not doing anything about the abuse ben was facing at the hands of stella - even though he didn’t know it was happening, even though phil did do something once he found out - was an abandonment to ben. and that’s just the tip of the abandonment iceberg for ben - kathy faking her death and leaving him was an abandonment (even when he thought she was actually dead), phil’s own abuse was an abandonment, as was his reaction when ben came out, and so on. and abandonment like that skews your thinking so you believe that everyone is going to abandon you, sooner or later, that they must be abandoning you for a reason, you must be a terrible person, you must be unworthy of people’s effort/time/love etc etc.

even when paul died, that was an abandonment to ben! like logically we know - and ben probably knows too - that paul didn’t want to die, he didn’t want to leave ben, he didn’t deliberately leave ben. but that doesn’t matter. mental illness is illogical, bpd is illogical, esp when it comes to abandonment. e.g. my therapist had to cancel a few of our appointments once bc she was ill, and it felt like an abandonment. like it was personal somehow, like she wasn’t coming into work bc of me, bc i was too much work, too hard to handle. ofc that wasn’t true, but that’s how it felt. it’s illogical. so ofc my solution was to just not go to my appointments even when she came back, bc like what other response is there lmao. it’s just that everything a person does feels personal, like it’s because of/about you, even when it isn’t. even when it has nothing to do w you. that’s probably why ben can come across at selfish at times, like he’s making everything about him. because it is all about him, in his mind. everything is because of him, is his doing, his fault etc. his way of thinking is skewed into thinking like that, bc shit keeps happening to him and ppl keep leaving him, so it must be his fault.

and!! ‘frantic efforts’ isn’t necessarily what u think it is!! it can be desperate begging ‘i’ll do anything to keep you in my life’ type actions, but it just as equally can be lashing out and abandoning someone in order to prevent them from abandoning u first - a ‘get them before they get me’ mentality (the whole scene where phil was in the hospital comes to mind - the ‘why doesn’t he love me back?’ was the more desperate part of him, tho it wasn’t necessarily an ‘effort’ per se, but then him trying to kill his dad basically in order to have the abandonment be at least on his own terms? that’s lashing out, and def qualifies as a ‘frantic effort’ lmao). and how often do we see that in ben? lashing out at jay in the hospital because he knew he was mad at him, and he’d rather hurt jay physically before he could hurt him emotionally? ben trying to support callum and showing him kindness, only to turn around and threaten to out him when he finds out callum asked stuart to sort him out? everything that happened w his dad, trying to fuck him over before his dad can get there first, trying to get rid of keanu so he can’t be abandoned in favour of him (although that didn’t really work, but it rarely does work the way u want it to lmao). and the biggest one to me, though probably one that people have already forgotten, is him breaking up w that guy he was seeing in newcastle even tho they were into each other bc he ‘had to, otherwise [he] would have ruined his life’. even tho we don’t really get details, that says it all to me. it’s v much a pattern that’s present in ben.

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes between idealization and devaluation (also known as “splitting”)

i feel like this one doesn’t need much explaining lmao

here is a definition of splitting from here (which is a very good article on splitting imo if u wanna read more abt it): ‘Splitting is a term used in psychiatry to describe the inability to hold opposing thoughts, feelings, or beliefs. Some might say that a person who splits sees the world in terms of black or white, all or nothing. It’s a distorted way of thinking in which the positive or negative attributes of a person or event are neither weighed nor cohesive.’

a little explanation of it from me: ppl w bpd can sometimes have very simplistic, all or nothing views on things. and splitting is basically when ur opinion on something or someone changes very quickly (sometimes instantly), often to an extreme (e.g. going from loving and idolizing someone, to absolutely fucking hating them, or from having a neutral opinion on something to suddenly becoming extremely angry abt it) sometimes without even having an identifiable trigger. it links into black and white thinking, which u may have heard of before - u either love someone and they can do no wrong, or u hate them and they disgust you. either something is amazing or it’s terrible. there is no grey area, no in between. it goes back into the whole ‘not being able to regulate ur emotions properly’ thing lmao there’s rarely nuances to our emotions or feelings, we’re all or nothing a lot of the time. so splitting is when ur opinion rapidly changes to one of these extremes. sometimes u can even go back and forth, splitting over and over on the same person/thing which is super fun.

ben splits on his dad all the time. all the fucking time. he doesn’t care about phil at all and wants to ruin him, then he wants phil’s approval and to be welcomed back into the family fold and the business. then ben hates him and wants him dead, then 5 minutes later he wants his love, wants to be a good son again. that’s splitting. u can also see it w jay, too, but no where near as extreme as w his dad. and i’ve seen it a couple of times w callum too, but again, it’s way more subtle. u probably wouldn’t notice it if u weren’t looking for it, whereas w phil it’s obvious.

but like i don’t need to explain ‘unstable and intense interpersonal relationships’, do i? just look at the relationships w phil, w jay, w lola, w callum, even w paul - they were unstable back when they first got together, and were arguably kind of intense too. (he settled a bit w paul, but his death/perceived abandonment fucked him up a lot beyond the expected ways). he’s always arguing w the ppl he loves. he tried to get poor billy killed, and yet since then he’s had no problem w him!! none of his relationships - apart from maybe his mum and ian (i don’t include lexi bc she’s a child) - are stable. and i would definitely describe his relationships as intense lmao

3. Identity disturbance: Markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

u can see this most - as most things - in his relationship w his dad. he fluctuates between seeming to know his worth (and demanding other people know it too), knowing he deserves his dad’s love and approval (why else would he be so mad abt the fact hes not getting it, if not bc he knows he’s worthy of it? if he didn’t think so, he wouldn’t be so angry abt not getting it - he’d be accepting/understanding, wouldn’t he?) and being desperate to do anything to get his dad’s love/approval, even things that are below him, turning into a child, begging to know why his dad doesn’t love him, why he’s never been enough. that scene where phil had found out abt ben trying to frame keanu and leaving him for dead is the epitome of this. u can see ben fluctuate between a hurt, traumatized little boy, begging his dad for some answers, some explanation as to why he’s not enough, begging him not to start drinking again, and a man who is angry, angry at his dad, angry at himself for crumbling like this, bc he should be stronger than this. u see him change multiple times in that one single scene. go watch it again. you’ll see it too.

some more examples: his absolute certainty that he is better and more qualified than the likes of shirley and keanu for working with his dad, and then being like ‘my dad was right, i’m good for no one’ - they don’t line up. does he have self esteem and know his worth or not? also his entire relationship w callum is an example of this - all those changes in his attitude towards cal and their situation? he often treats callum like they’re equals who understand each other, yet sometimes it seems like he thinks he’s superior to callum (e.g. the scene outside the cafe), and others he behaves (keyword) as though he thinks he’s not good enough for callum (why else would he just take all that shit from whitney and not say anything in retaliation? why, if not because he deems it more important that callum has an easier time of it than he does; that he regards cal’s comfort more important than his own? and why would he do that, if he held himself in such high regards? i mean he certainly acts like it sometimes, so why not then?)

also like……. who is ben? is he the bastard who cares about no one but himself, who’s always causing trouble not only for himself but for the people he cares about? is he the guy who just completely folds when people he knows hurtle abuse at him, accepting it lying down, who thinks he’s no good for anyone? the guy who goes out all night and drinks himself silly and purposefully gets himself into fights? the guy who shows callum so much empathy even tho it brings him nothing but pain, who loves jay unconditionally, who tried so hard to help bobby when he came back from prison? which one is he? which one does he want to be? does he even know?

(and you could argue that people are just multi-dimensional, but there’s just such a vast gap between these different facets of ben’s character and he can flip through them so fast it’s jarring, which is why i think it’s more like he straight up doesn’t have a consistent sense of self. which is a big part of bpd)

4. Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

again, does this need explaining?

doing illegal shit, excessively drinking, becoming unnecessarily violent, fucking up his relationships, just generally doing reckless things regardless of the consequences - this has always been a part of ben’s character.

(his constant hook ups could be another one, but the jury’s still out on that one. if anything it’s less the sex that worries me and more the flippant attitude he has when meeting up w ppl - they could be anyone and do all sorts, at the end of the day)

it became most obvious recently around the anniversary of paul’s death - drinking himself sick, gambling all his money away, deliberately starting fights. but even before that and since then it’s been there.

it’s basically just a way to self sabotage.

i feel like this one isn’t a consistent part of ben’s behaviour like the others are, but it is undeniably there, so.

5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-harming behavior

although ben (to my knowledge) hasn’t displayed any suicidal behaviour, he has at times spoken in ways that could kind of sway that way. (i’m no good for anyone, i’m not worth it, why do you care etc)

also self harming!!! just because he doesn’t hurt himself in a direct way doesn’t mean he doesn’t deliberately put himself in situations where he’ll get hurt, and that is self harm!! letting stuart beat him at pride was self harm!! picking that fight w those homophobes at e20 was self harm!!! drinking to excess is a form of self harm!!! putting himself in harm’s way, even if he doesn’t get hurt, is self harm!!!! just bc he might not be self harming in the traditional sense doesn’t mean he’s not hurting himself!!! this one has been on my mind for so long!!!! oh my god!!!!! he absolutely has a pattern of self harming/self destructive behaviours, and just a general disregard for his own safety and well being!!!! the fact that it doesn’t worry more ppl in his life is so upsetting to me!!!!!!

6. Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events (e.g., intense episodic sadness, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

aka the biggest part of bpd: pt 2

i feel like this definition doesn’t really do justice to this aspect of bpd. this is basically you literally having no control of your emotions. ‘day-to-day events’ have fuck all to do with it half the time. u could be sitting there minding ur business and all of a sudden you wanna smash up the entire room, for seemingly no reason. one time i was crying - like uncontrollably sobbing, a complete mess - and had been for maybe half an hour? and then all of a sudden, literally mid sob, it stopped. like it just stopped. i was done, i wasn’t sad anymore. i went from inconsolably crying to perfectly fine in a split second. can you even imagine that? it’s fucking crazy. that’s what having bpd is like. it’s like mood swings x1000 (that’s why i describe it like bipolar on a smaller scale - their mood swings last days/weeks/months, ours last minutes/hours, sometimes days but not often). you can be fine, then all of a sudden you’re not. or you can be not fine, and then all of a sudden you are. you can be ecstatic, then all of a sudden all the joy gets sucked out of ur body n u wanna die. then 5 mins later ur fine again. u can cycle thru every single human emotion in the space of a few hours with no warning whatsoever. u can go from feeling so many emotions u don’t know which one to focus on to feeling none at all. it’s exhausting. so yes ‘day-to-day events’ (this can be as minor as the way someone speaks to you, or not enjoying ur food as much as u thought u would, and it can make u terrifyingly sad or spark uncontrollable rage in u) can trigger it, but it’s like… at least that’s kind of justifiable. most of the time u just cannot regulate, control or predict ur emotions whatsoever. and often the emotions u do feel are not appropriate for the situation at hand lmao

on top of that, ppl w bpd have massive problems processing their emotions. while most ppl have the capacity to identify what they’re feeling and why, ppl w bpd often can’t. and bc they can’t identify it properly, they don’t know how to process it. that’s why emotions and feelings are so often black and white - we might develop the ability to recognise Big Emotions, like love and hate, happiness and sadness etc, but we can’t figure out the smaller, nuanced emotions. it becomes or, not and.

this is also why our emotions feel so big and all encompassing!! we can’t ignore our emotions!! they are our focus in a lot of ways. when ur sad, it feels like the world is ending, every single time. when ur happy, ur euphoric and nothing else matters, and so on. every emotion has the volume turned up to 100. that’s why our emotions sometimes come out in extreme or unhealthy ways - our emotions often feel so big we have such a hard time handling them. so we go to drastic lengths, whatever they may be, to cope.

(also bc most ppl w bpd are victims of abuse, we’re often hyperaware of other people’s moods, which can impact ours. someone can be annoyed for some innocuous, innocent reason, and yet bc we can sense it, we become scared or defensive and may lash out.)

and ben… little old ben, have u ever seen him have a rational reaction to anything in his life? how often have we seen him have an appropriate response to smth? my dad is shit, so i have to destroy him. failing that, i have to kill him. oh, my brother isn’t gonna let kill him? time to punch him in the face. my daughter ate all my cereal? it’s Overreaction Time. (this one in particular is Very Me like yes lexi is a child and he was unfair but my 7 year old cousin once drank all my j2os and i almost had a breakdown so i Get It) i’m feeling like shit? time to antagonise these homophobes until they beat me in the middle of the street. i sleep with this man once? time to get overly involved. he shows me a little bit of love and kindness? time to develop feelings for him despite him insisting he’s straight, the fact that he’s with a woman and i have been harassed and beaten by his homophobic family multiple times. but it isn’t going the way i wanted it to? time to impulsively hit him for not knowing what he wants, then immediately regret it.

and like. he went from crying his eyes out in his dad’s kitchen to threatening kat slater within the span of what, 10 minutes? he went from trying to kill his dad, to falling tf apart w jay, to trying to manipulate his dad - who had just woken up from a coma - for his own gain again, in the span of maybe an hour. if that doesn’t say rapid cycling, inconsistent emotions idk what does.

like idk enough about the old bens to say if this is a consistent characteristic of his or not (although based on the fact he killed a woman bc he was angry w his dad, i’d say it’s fairly safe to assume lmao) but ever since he came back his reactions and emotions have been pretty much never once been rational, stable or consistent.

(and like i wanna say i am saying all of this from the perspective of the bad days. so if you’re thinking ‘well, ben isn’t like that all the time’ ur right. neither am i. some days i’m fine, some days it’s not that bad, sometimes i can cope. but i still have bpd, even on those days. and imo, so does ben.)

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness

this is one i don’t really see in ben. we maybe see moments of emptiness, but certainly not enough to call it ‘chronic’.

also a lot of the moments we do see emptiness in ben, i feel like it’s forced emptiness, more for his own benefit or for the benefit of others rather than actual genuine emptiness. it’s not that he’s not feeling anything, it’s that what he is feeling he’s not showing. that’s very different from actually feeling empty.

8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

this! is! such! a! massive! part! of! having! bpd! and it’s a part that no one ever fucking talks about either!!!

and again, does this one need explaining?

ben is anger. he’s a ball of it, and he has been for a very, very long time. he’s angry at his dad, at the world, at himself. for all sorts of reasons, both complex and simple. if i sat here and tried to get into all of it this post would be twice as long as it already is. and i don’t think i really need to, anyway. it’s not as if any of us need to dig very deep to see it, is it?

‘frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights’ like i really don’t need to elaborate do i? bc what does ben do when he’s angry? his temper flairs up, he gets physical, lashes out, makes threats.

and he’s so often angry in response to emotional pain, which is the saddest (and for me, most relatable) part. just look at paul’s anniversary, how angry he was just in general, to everyone - even his mum, who is like the only exception to his anger since he’s been back - when he was just hurting and sad. how angry he got when he found out keanu had replaced him in phil’s will, when really he was just hurt. he gets angry and violent so people don’t see him as weak bc he’s hurting. he has been conditioned to get angry instead of getting sad. it’s not healthy at all.

there is so much more but i feel like it’s unnecessary for me to get into it. bc u know. ben’s not exactly subtle in his anger is he lmao

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

this is the only other one that i don’t see in ben at all, and it’s one that i don’t really experience myself either so i don’t even have any insight to offer lmao

so!! more or less 7/9!! that’s a passing grade for diagnosis!!! welcome to the club, mr mitchell!!!!

all of this, of course, has been purely from a medical, diagnostic standpoint (w some of my personal experiences sprinkled in lmao). there’s so much more to say from like a ‘living w bpd day to day’ standpoint but like, this post is already way too fuckin long so i’m just gonna hit on a few that i feel are important in regards to ben, and ones i have’t spoken abt yet

most ppl w bpd have a ‘fp’ or ‘favourite person’ (tho it can be multiple people), which sounds nice but it’s kind of a really complicated and difficult thing tbqh. here’s the best definition i could find: ‘When someone with BPD uses the term “favorite person” to describe someone else, they are typically insinuating that this is a person they cannot survive without. For BPD sufferers, the favorite person is the person who is a source of emotional support and dependence. This individual has the ability to truly impact the BPD sufferer’s day in either a positive or negative manner. The favorite person to someone with BPD holds a critical role in their lives by holding the power to ‘make or break’ the successful navigation of daily tasks and struggles.’ it’s a difficult thing to explain/understand (so please feel free to google ‘favourite person bpd’ to get a better understanding), and is not always as dramatic as it sounds, but it’s like… even if they aren’t a source of ‘emotion support’, ur mental wellbeing can hang on this person’s every move. (which is not healthy, i know, but it’s just a thing that happens w bpd!) and phil is absolutely ben’s fp. ben hates phil, and yet is still so desperate to be in his good graces, in his life no matter what that costs him… and ben’s self esteem, his actions, his moods are so dependant on phil. it just?? makes so much sense to me. i realize it may not make much sense to someone who doesn’t have any understanding of what a fp is, but like if u do, i’m sure u see what i see.

i think maybe jay was another fp of ben for a while in the past. i don’t think he is as much since ben has come back, but in the past?? maybe. like less in the ‘my happiness is dependant on u’ way and more in like a ‘i’m very very attached to u and need u in my life and would maybe go crazy if anything or anyone got in the way of that’ way.

and i think callum might be sneaking into territory now too tbqh. it would explain why callum’s actions and words have such an impact on ben’s moods despite not much really happening between them. and like i wanna say: someone becoming ur fp is not a choice. it just happens. it’s not like ben is going ‘oh im going to get overly attached to u just for a laugh’, no. this would be completely out of his control. and when it happens, it fucking SUCKS. so if that is what’s happening, it’s going to have a massive impact on ben - and it seems like it already is.

and like taking the whole fp thing out of it (bc i know it’s complicated and hard to grasp) bpd would explain why ben seems to be so attached to callum even tho very little has actually happened between them!!! like bpd will have u falling in love w someone who just shows you basic human kindness and decency, and i mean that very literally!!! bc like i said when you have bpd, you struggle to navigate and handle basic emotions, so all the nuances of romance and love? jesus christ. it goes back into black and white thinking - i either love this person or i hate this person, there is no in between. so callum, showing ben kindness? showing him support with what’s going on w louise and what happened w phil? not hating him and thinking he’s despicable and evil and all those things people say about him? and ben, having bpd? he probably wouldn’t be able to comprehend that maybe cal’s just being friendly, esp not after they slept together. so ofc he would latch tf on to that. i would latch tf on to that. his behaviour towards callum just seems very on brand for having bpd to me, genuinely.

and !! all those things whitney said the other night !! people complained about him not arguing back, but like… she’s almost saying what ben wants to hear, when it comes to callum. bc i touched on it before but like the thing is when, you have bpd ur thought process is like ‘i care about this person, they are good, i don’t deserve them, i am bad, i am going to ruin them, i’m probably manipulating them into spending time with me and caring about me, but i can’t let them go, i need them, i bet they don’t even like me, i don’t deserve them, i don’t want them to get hurt, i don’t want to hurt them, i am going to hurt them, in the end.’ (and eventually it spirals into ‘actually they’re probably going to hurt me first bc everyone always does so let me completely destroy this relationship so it’s unrecoverable and hurt them now so they can’t hurt me later’ but that’s another story) and whitney more or less confirms that for him!!! in essence, what she says to him is ‘you’re bad, he didn’t want anything to do with you but you manipulated him into it. you don’t deserve him, you’ve hurt him, you’ve hurt me, how could you do this?’ so like… ofc he’s not gonna argue w her. he’s already had a shit day, all of the fight is gone from him, and he agrees w her!! i’m sure he was thinking that he deserved what whit was throwing at him - not necessarily for what he’d done to her, but because he is Bad and callum is Good and he needs to stay away from him, otherwise he’ll ruin him. bc that’s just what bpd brain tells u, even when u’ve got no basis to believe it. (unless ur splitting or experiencing a big emotional high, but again, that’s a different story)

and that kind of makes sense as to why he’d go to the wedding. going back to the anger instead of sadness thing - he’s hurting, so he’s going to get angry and vengeful. he has been hurt, so now he is going to hurt in return. esp considering both callum and whitney have seen him in such a vulnerable state. it’s probably a pride thing, too.

also just to expand a little more on the ‘unstable sense of self’ thing - ppl w bpd (and also victims of abuse, but sometimes that particular venn diagram is a circle) tend to change the personality based on who they’re with. which is what most people do, yes, but i mean the Extreme version. it’s a trauma response thing - u’ll reflect parts of a person’s personality back at them, or even take bits from personalities of ppl u know they like in the hopes that they’ll like u more like that, as opposed to ur real personality (if u even know what that is). and sometimes those parts stick (esp when you idolize the person u stole them from/they’re your fp), and it’s like u all of a sudden realize ur entire personality is built of parts of other ppls personalities that you’ve stolen. so it makes sense to me that ben seems to have so many differing personalities/sides to his personality, bc he’s learned which parts to show to who, and in what situations - in response to his abuse as a kid, if nothing else.

(and before anyone can even go there: that is not an act of manipulation. it’s a trauma response. it’s something that happens without us consciously having any say in it, as a way of self-preservation. it’s like if i make myself likeable and appealing to u, you’re less likely to hurt me, physically or emotionally. and yes ben has a habit of manipulation, but this is not a part of it. none of ben’s manipulation is directly bc of his hypothetical bpd, it’s bc that’s just who he is. i don’t ever want to see the two equated, or see anyone say any shit like ‘ben must have bpd bc he’s manipulative’, ever.)

just for the hell of it, here are some spicy bpd memes, bc that’s how we communicate on the internet. (here are two in particular seem quite relevant to ben rn lmao + bonus one for phil!!)

so! there we are!!! i’m sure there’s some important stuff i overlooked and that this is not what u expected when u sent me this question, but there are so many misconceptions and stigmas out there surrounding bpd that i wouldn’t have felt right half assing it. and i hope, if nothing else, u learned something abt bpd that u didn’t know before :-)

if u read this far ur a trooper lmao but if anyone has any questions, be they abt ben having bpd or bpd in general please feel free to ask!! i’ll do my best to answer them to the best of my ability 💖💖

#ben mitchell #ballum #eastenders #petty as hell but it was really bugging me that this wasnt showing up in tags so i'm posting it again lmao #sorry if u already liked/replied to it :-(#bpd #anon #question

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