#I FORGOT THE PHONE CHORD DONT LOOK

[hookeorcrook]

Caelans not allowed to shop for them anymore

happy halloween! ✨🎃👻

[you-did-well-moon]

Day6 Reaction to s/o learning their instrument while they're away

Type: Fluff, angst in Dowoon dont know what happened wasnt me

Word Count: 2.865

A/n: I took some creative freedom with why they were away but that is it. Keep in mind, I have no experience with instrument except for when I played the piano in 5th grade for like two weeks. Anyways, I hope you enjoy! - Moon

TW: small cuts, fight, second hand embarrassment

Sungjin

Sungjin was absolutely and devastatingly exhausted. His own guitar case felt like it was weighing him down tremendously, and he had a huge headache. Jae and Wonpil arguing in the back of the car was not helping in any way. It has been going on since they left the airport. He rubbed at his temples tiredly pressing his head against the cool window from his place in the passenger seat next to their manager. 

Still, he couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at his lips as he thought about seeing you, probably curled up in the couch cheeks puffed from the snack you were inhaling. The pounding in his head lightened at the cute sight he would soon get to enjoy as he played with the loose threads of his old button up shirt. 

True to Sungjin’s imagination, your form was sitting on the couch. Not true to his imagination, you were actually bent over something in your lap, lightly humming and bopping your head to the rhythm being produced by your still clumsy fingers. The guitar in your lap had gotten lighter as the days went by without your boyfriend, and in replacement of his touch, leaving your fingertips warm and tingling, it was small cuts you hadn’t bothered to bandage as it disrupted you when playing.

 You missed Sungjin an abnormal amount. The cold spot in the bed or him making weird faces at you through the mirror in the mirror when brushing your teeth. You missed all of it. With a slight tremble in your chest you started playing the chorus to “You Were beautiful”.

You were so focused on trying to get it right you didn’t notice the door closing only to startle when you slightly looked up through your lidded eyes seeing the shadow looming over the coffee table. With a small yelp of surprise you jumped immediately looking up only to find your boyfriend staring at you with wide eyes. 

His surprised expression made you shrink into yourself. You threw your head into your hands in pure embarrassment letting the guitar gently slide off your lap, hitting the floor with a soft thump. “Can you just pretend you didn’t see that I can’t believe I even tried learning all that by myself I” you cut yourself off with an un-pleased sigh shaking your head and looking at him with pleading eyes. 

Your boyfriend continued in his frozen state for about five seconds before breaking out in the biggest smile rushing around the coffee table in which you panicked trying to get away from him with a squeal, but being too slow im the excitement that was usually in a much dormant state in Sungjin. The wrinkles near the corner of his eyes deepened adoringly, and his chest shook with soft laughter while he held you close. 

There was a fond twinkle in his eye as Sungjin forgot any tiredness that clung to his bones and kissed the tips of your fingertips while maintaining eye contact. He kept your hands encased in his when scolding you for having such low faith in yourself and softly encouraging you. He would probably put little stitch band-aids on your fingertips and continue teaching you, sitting you on his lap and scolding you when you lose focus with a sharp poke at your ribs smiling when you giggled. This man just fell impossibly more in love with you.

“You shouldn’t say those things, look at you love, learning all alone and doing so well. I'm so proud. Would you rather have the elmo band-aids or the stitch band-aids… I don’t know about you but Elmo kinda creeps me out. Just five more minutes little love then you can go mug Young k with Dowoon. Don’t look at me like that! You finally have a teacher and you take him for granted. The audacity-”

Jae

Jae was a thin hair away from just ripping his hair out. He didn’t believe the kpop industry would take very kindly to him going bald, but he had come to a point where he didn’t really care about what people thought anymore. But thinking about you not being able to play with his hair anymore while he drifted off to sleep with his head on your chest severely upset him.

 Jae had gotten stuck in another limbo, stuck in the studio and in his own head desperately trying to finish any of the unfinished songs left in his computer files. He missed you so much, he eventually called it quits, deciding to go home to you, who he hadn’t seen in days.

Just the thought about seeing you energized his previously exhausted self. He never could get sick of you. Every day, every week was a new adventure, a new chapter, all with his favorite person in the world. The night sky, although beautiful, seemed to mock him, reminding him of how late it was, meaning you were most probably asleep. 

Opening the door to his apartment, he heard soft music. He briefly recognized “I Need Somebody”, and thought you were playing it from your phone. All his thoughts came to a halting stop when he saw you perched on the bed, in his shirt, playing the melody of the previously mentioned song.

You had hair falling into your eyes with your eyebrows slightly scrunched trying not to mess up and heavily focused. Jae had loudly yelled in surprise, causing you to flinch and look up shocked at the sudden surprise. When you saw it was just him, you had comically thrown your hands in the air yelling at him about how it was supposed to be a surprise. 

The irritated look on your face vanished as you went up to give him a light hug with a kiss, softly smiling at him. Meanwhile Jae, was completely out of it, lovestruck eyes while he instinctively returned your affection.

“Come Jae, you look like you haven’t slept in ages, your eyes are so sunken babe”, you had softly whispered to him, rubbing the soft skin under his eyes, the way you were always soft with him when he came back from the studio. You slept in the same bed for the first time in what had been days, Jae tightly clutching on to you.

 He may have not been completely there at the moment, but in the morning when he had time to process everything, he was a changed man. He wouldn’t stop laughing and giggling excitedly, eagerly wanting to hear everything you had learnt. He even poked fun at you when you made a mistake. But it was all lovingly as he also praised you non stop while looking at you with his messy hair and big smile next to you on the couch. He had so much inspiration now. To finish what had been left behind.

“Pop off queen who gave you this much talent, you couldn’t even tell me what bass was last time we talked, which was like a week ago. Might just make you play when I don’t feel like playing. Give you a wig and people won’t know the difference! Why are you booing me, I'm right?”

Young K

Young K’s foot tapping on the floor of the car was the only sound that filled the car aside from the soft sound of the car’s engine and tires. He was absolutely spent, having to have stayed in a different city for a show he was invited to that was filmed far away from his home. 

Far away from you. Young K could tell his manager was starting to get irritated, but Young K was already massively annoyed and too far in his own world to really care. He missed the pine scent of his sheets, and he missed you.

It was not a good combination. When he got to his place he quietly thanked the manager,  getting his bag before trying to ignore every urge telling him to run into the building and fall into his soft bed with you in his arms. When he opened the door, your keys were there, so he knew you were in the building. That thought filled him with more relief than it should have. 

He did have to admit, hearing “I smile” this early in the day was odd as you usually saved the more mellow songs for later in the night. Young K told himself he had many euphoric moments in his life, but seeing you staring at a sheet of paper with so much determination and a bass guitar in your arms came pretty close to the top.

The absolute warmth that exploded in his chest was a feeling he would not forget in a long time. He could feel his lips slightly curl up in fondness as your hands shook while your eyes wavered unsurely between your hands on the strings and the video on your laptop sitting further on the edge of the bed. Your face scrunched up before you sighed and stared dejectedly at the instrument on your lap. 

“Why so sad love?" His voice made you instantly sit up, pushing the instrument gently off your lap. You crawled to the edge of the bed where Young K had already gotten closer where he met you tenderly running his hand through your hair, and he curved his hand around the back of your head bringing your forehead to his abdomen.

He brushed his thumb over where your hairline met the sensitive skin of the back of your neck immensely enjoying being back at your side. Your hands were clutching the back of his shirt, and your simple touch brought a warm feeling to his chest. You both leaned back as Young K’s chest started to rumble with laughter “You should have waited for me, it would have been easier if I could teach you”, he softly said, pushing your hair back from your face causing you to lightly laugh.

 “I wanted to surprise you, but I didn’t get that far anyways. Can’t become a prodigy in one day I guess”. Young K smiled again, promising to himself to help you as much as he could as he put his hand fondly on top of your head.

“You’re doing so good, just move your finger up a little, you’re plucking the c chord instead of the e chord during the chorus, don’t look at me like that i’m trying to help?! I wouldn’t put you on my level, but I think you’re doing really well. I’m hungry now, what do you want? No- What do you want? I am okay with anything just tell me-”

Wonpil

Wonpil was trying his hardest not to think about you. From the way you got excited when you got to see the moon in the cloudy sky to the way you smiled when you saw the neighbor’s cat while getting the mail. 

He was happy to be on a trip with her sister, he hadn’t had much time to be with her in recent, well forever really. While you had been invited, you hadn’t been able to attend due to work. Wonpil did his best to keep his mind off you and enjoy the trip, he just hadn’t spent this long without you in a while. 

Even so, he still had a fun time with his sister and her boyfriend creating many memories. He didn’t regret it, but he was extremely happy to come back to you. Opening the door to your apartment, he dropped his suitcase by the door, an excited smile tugging at his lips as he traveled through the apartment with his arms spread knowing you would embrace him as soon as you saw him. He felt so giddy, he didn’t even notice the broken keyboard sounds ringing throughout the living space.

His smile fell in a comical way, his face morphing into one of confusion instead. He recognized a broken rendition of “Mary had a little Lamb”, and tilted his head as he opened the door to your room seeing you with really big headphones on your head staring down at the keyboard with the most offended look on your face.

 How dare this keyboard not give you its secrets! Wonpil couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his chest, not mocking you, but he just thought you were so cute. He lightly touched your shoulder causing you to jump, and the slight movement of your head caused the headphones to slide off your head. It didn’t matter much. You instantly dove into his arms, pressing the side of your face against his chest.

He felt warmth flood his chest as his hand encased the back of your head while he pressed his lips to the top, closing his eyes in bliss enjoying having you in his arms again. He leaned back from the brace as his eyes flashed with amusement and yours with slight embarrassment. He lightly laughed, eyes crinkling. He cradled your face in his hands, a teasing lilt to his voice, “What were you trying to do, hmm?” He could feel your face grow hot under his finger tips.

 “I was just trying to surprise you. I felt bad for not being able to go with you”. He shook his head, hands playfully pinching your cheeks as you whined. “You shouldn’t act that way, I understood from the beginning. It must have been hard for you. Here, come, your lovely boyfriend will make this easier for you”.

“Y/n the keys will not bite prEsS dOWn, no, no keyboards do not have to be oiled, this is a musical instrument not a mechanical vehicle. You are so cute. What am I gonna do with you? No, you can not play the keyboard with your forehead, DO NOT put your foot on the keys. I don’t care if it’s for the vine. 

Dowoon

Dowoon was beating himself up. Looking back at what happened a few hours ago made his chest tight. He couldn’t help but wince at the words both of you had thrown at each other. You had been with each other for so long, and when his lovely mother asked him when he would propose, although with good intentions, it put pressure on him.

 He was still young. He had mentioned it to you in a joking manner, but there was a misunderstanding and you thought he was blowing it off as he didn’t see a future with you. 

Somehow feelings were hurt, and the fight escalated. And Dowoon decided he was a coward because it was when you had started stuttering through your words and avoiding eye contact, he knew. He knew he had pushed you across a line that might not be able to be crossed again. 

He panicked. He was really good at doing that wasn’t he? He left. He took a bus and went to the nearest hotel he could find. There he was sitting on the edge of the too perfectly made bed with his head in his hands.

Had he just ruined his precious relationship because he was scared of what the future could or could not hold? Why did he have to run away? Why couldn’t he just stay? Most importantly, how badly had he hurt you?

 With a sigh he stood up, and he got on the bus back to your apartment. Staring at the door, the fact you were just on the other side and hurting is what pushed him to open it with the key you had given him. Opening the door, he was met with silence and darkness. Have you already gone? He walked through the apartment, hope dwindling with every step. 

Then he heard a soft thump thump thump. His heart seemed to match with it, and as he walked to his studio which held his spare drum set, he thought of what he could say to make it better. Opening the door, he saw you softly hitting the drum with one stick, as if testing the waters and humming along to “When you Love Someone”. Dowoon couldn’t fight the sad smile that broke out on his face, and the absolute warmth that filled his chest. 

Why did he ever even doubt your future with him? There was no person more perfect for him than you. He stood next to you, softly taking your hand in his and guiding your hand to the right beat, although a bit broken. When your sad eyes looked up into his, forgiving in nature but still frustrated beyond belief, he knew he could still fix things. You were you, and Dowoon was Dowoon. You always somehow found your way back to each other.  

“No no, put your hands higher on the stick, no lower, now higher...a bit lower. No, Y/n drum sticks do not belong in my throat. What do you mean I have no room to talk, I thought we were over the fight. I would marry you in this life and the next! Why are you looking at me like that? I am not cute, I am handsome and overflowing with testosterone. Oooh are those gummies?

[hannybkpop]

Dancing Dreams

Chapter 1

(I would love some feedback especially since i decided to start writing again, I will also be working on re-writing My Han Fanfiction and making it better, Thank you)

Synopsis ..... As a 20yr old born and raised in Busan South korea, you finally moved forward in your life and managed to Join The Best Dance company out there. You make Friends you could never forget and so many memories you will cherish in your life. Your love Life will blossom and the sturggles of life will finally reach its peak. Will you manage to get through it or get overwhelmed by evrything and everyone ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was an early Monday morning, the sun rays were shinning through the cracks in your curtains perfectly lighting your face. "its too early for any of this" you groan and turn over to the other side where the sun dont shine. "Y/N get up youre going to be late!" your mom yelled at you from the kitchen. You turn back around and sluggishly sit up right, criss-cross apple sauce still half asleep and slouching forward. "Thats right" you thought to yourself, "Todays the first day of my dance class" you check your phone and time reads 7:34am. You get up and start making your way to the bathroom still dragging your feet, but you couldnt help but feel butterflies in your stomach. you make your way to the bathroom and brush your teeth, then your face and you apply lotion " you cant forget to take care of your face" you say as you laugh. You walk towards your closet wondering what to wear. your closet was full of black and white, not really any other color because brights just wasnt your thing. you decide to go with some black sweats, a white crop top and some white Filas. you decide to keep your hair down, kinda wavy and grab a hair tie for later. you head down stair and you can hear the sizzling of possibly bacon or sausage and the smell of toast. Your mom had breakfast ready for you, two eggs over easy just the way yiu love em, two strips bacon and some white toast. " Thank you, if you wouldnt have made me breakfast i would have gone on coffee for the whole day" you say wiith a moutful of toast. You tend to live off of coffee, not a day goes by without it. once you finished eating, you grab your keys and head out "Bye mom, ill see you later" you say as you turn around and wave good-bye.

You hop in your car, plug in your phone and start listening to some of your favorite tunes. The first song that plays is Enhypens Given-taken "Wake up in day one, cheonnare achim jomyeongin bichweo taeyange nunbit" you sing, using your vocal chords to their full extent. Next played Aespas- Next level which lead to ITZYs Mafia. You pull up to a starbucks and lower your music, "Hello welcome to starbucks, what can i get started for you today?" The employee asks cheerfully this morning. "Hello can i get a Venti Iced caramel macchiato with 2 extra shots of espresso and extra caramel" It was your go to drink, just the perfect amount of espresso and caramel mixed together. "Of course, is that going to be all for today?" she asked, "Yes ma'am, thank you" she tells you the price and you pull up the window, you grab your drink and head off straight for the dance studio. A couple more songs played through, you jammed out to Nct, Exo, A.C.E, Oneus and so many other groups and then you finally arrived. Your heartbeat accelarated slightly just at the thought that you finally get to start your dance classes.

When you were just ten years old you found k-pop, it was music you had never listened to but your curiosity got the best of you. From finding TVXQ you were slowly dragged down the K-pop hole but it was possibly the best thing that had ever happened to you. From then on 3yrs went by, you were finally 13 and you thought to yourself that you wanted to be a dancer and that someday you would be a back up dancer or a choreographer for the idols you look up to. You asked your mom to sign you up for dance classes , she agreed and signed you up for modern dancing, from then on you moved on to hip-hop, contemporate and breakdancing which was honestly possibly the hardest to learn, who knew breakdancing could make you feel like you could break yourself in a heart beat. And thats how you got here, you auditioned to join Dream Team dance studio, one of the hardest to pass and yet you managed to make it through, but the price for this dance class was pretty high so you also planned on getting a part time job.

You finally turned off your car and started heading towards the building, since you were still new here you had to follow sign procedures and which classes you would be available for and suited for. You headed towards what seemed to be the front desk but didnt see anyone there. "Hello?" you called out, and then a girl peeked her head out the corner of her office "Hello sorry i didnt hear you walk in" she said very sweetly " what can i do for you today?". You open your bag and pull out the paperwork you had to fill out Prior to your first day "Oh, i am new here and today is going to be my first day starting my dance classes" you hand her the papers and she goes through, she tells you to give her a quick minute and she walks back to the office, she comes back with a lanyard and keycard attached " Welcome to DT, Heres your badge" she hands the item over to you and you seemed kinda confused " oh, sorry let me explain. So we do get certain people who come thorugh to practice at times and we use this badge so that any unwanted personal dont just barge through wihtout permission. we really do want our dancers to feel safe and comfortable in this enviroment" its like she read your expression. So many questions came to mind of who could possibly come to this studio, Idols seems to cross your mind but you just push it away because it only happens ever so rarely. "Thank you so much, ill make sure not to lose this", you start to head towards the doors and turn around because it totally slipped your mind to ask what room your class was in. “im sorry, but what room will i be heading to?” you ask. “ oh, right i guess we forgot, you will be headed to  floor 7 room c” - she chuckles. You start to make your way back to the double doors then you hear her say " if you lose the badge, its a $100 fee to replace it", You grab the badge tighter knowing that thats alot of money just to replace it. You excitedly scan your badge and make your way through the double doors, as soon as you walk through you see a cafeteria  to your right and a mini market to your left. You walk towards the cafeteria and see that they also have a cafe in the corner. “oh hell yeah, i can grab myself some coffee anytime i want now’” you think to yourself as you sip on your starbucks.   You turn around and starts making your way to the elevators, as you walk back you overhear a group of girls chatting about floor 7, you stop in your tracts to listen in a little more, you werent trying to eavesdrop but you were still new here and wanted to know what they had to say about the floor your class is in.  They started talking about how the rumor about idols showing up at the dance studio was true but the only floor they ever go to was floor 7, since floor 7 was were the best choreographers were located. You start to walk away slowly picking up your pace because in your head that was impossible, you werent notified exactly of who the special personal was. You thought maybe you should have asked more in depth questions, but you didnt because you were so excited. You finally make a stop at the elevator doors almost running straight into them,you push the up arrow button and the doors open. When you head inside you push level 7 but on the mini screen it says Please scan badge. You grab your  badge slightly shaking and scan, you get approved and the doors close.  The  elevator starts to go up and you are so deep in your thoughts you start thinking out loud. You start pacing back in forth asking yourself if what the girls were saying  was true. The last thing you needed was for an artist to show up and make a fool out of yourself, at this point you have your arms up in the air and you dont notice that the elevator stopped on floor 3. As you turn around you see three different males standing infront of the levator staring at you, all three were in black masks and some sort of hat making it hard to notice their faces. You make eye contact with one and the realise your arms are still up in the air. “oh my god, i am so sorry” you say as you are still panicking. The one on the left giggles to himself, the one on the right is unphased but the one in the center kept eye contact with you. You  could barely utter another word, but you manged to scoot over and make room for the three of them. You are so embarassed you face away and place your head against one of the elevator walls. You see that one of them goes to push floor 7 as well but they realise that floor number 7 is already chosen. They look over and notice that you also have a badge that lets you in the top floor but they leave it at that. The ride from floor 3 to floor 7 seemed like it was taking forever, and you couldnt believe that on your first day you managed to make a fool out of yourself. You finally reach floor 7 and the elevator doors open. You make your way out first   and walk as fast you can to room C, the  boys follow behind. With your mind still racing you walk straight passed room C  unknowingly that you almost run into a window at the end of the hall.  As soon as you come to a stop you hear, “ You do know thats a window, and not a door right?” he says with a mocking tone. “ oh yeah, i knew that, i just wanted to take in some sun” you say as you turn back around and go straight for room C.  “Hyunjin, youre going to be late for our dance class” han says  after opening the door to room A, “Sorry, i just wanted to take in some sun” he giggles to himself.

You have eyes looking at you from running in and closing the door shut, your face lights up red "I'm sorry". You continue to walk in and the dance room catches your eye, its so spacious, the walls painted an oxford blue, and a set of two clear window that reach from top to bottom on the left. "First time here i see" one of the girls calls out to you, "oh yeah, this dance room is nice" you are in complete awe. "i was the same way the first time i walked in this room, by the way if you dont mind me asking, what was that all about earlier?" she cocked her head to the left. "oh that~, so i made a complete fool of myself infront of these guys who were on the elevator with me, i guess i was so nervous that i also almost walked into the window at the end of the hall until one of them called out to them" you say with a slight laugh as you look down on the floor. "Oh geex, i would have probably done the same. So whats your name?", "my name is Y/N, whats yours? you ask, "Oh my name is Elizabeth but you can call me Eli, i hope we can be good friends from now on". As soon as she finished the doord behind us opened, "Hello, it seems like everyone here seems aquianted, well lets get started from where we left off. Hello you must be y/n, i have heard alot about you from our scouts who were at the auditions." She says with a very curious tone, you can feel all eyes on you. "He-hello" you tense up slightly just at the thought the teacher knows who you are. The class officially starts and everyone seems to have gone to their places, you make your way towards the back of the class to watch the dance everyone one learned last semester. You watched them practice a couple times before you joined in. After going through the dance a couple more times Eli looks at you in awe "I can see why you were accepted into classes in the 7th floor, youre really good"

  Classes proceeded for the rest of the day that time went by so fast, it was already 7pm and it was time to go home. "So i believe i will be seeing you tomrrow?" Eli asked, "Definitely, i had so much fun today and im so excited for the rest to come. I might stick around to practice just a little more" You say with enthusiasm in your voice. Eli leaves while waving back and youre the only one left in the room. You walk up to the radio and plug in your phone through the aux chord, you scroll through your playlist you are debating between Enhypen- given taken, TXT- Puma and Starykids latest release Thunderous. You decide to go with thunderous since you just had decided to change the end because you crouched down and walked foward by yourself it would look funny. You finally finished making the end and finally remmebering it so you decide to finally run through the whole dance. After dancing Thunderous a couple times you finaly drop down tired, you hear the door open behind you and turn around to see who could possibly still be here and to your suprise its the 3 mysterious men from earlier. "You're really good, did you make the ending for Thunderous?" asks the one with the medium length black hair, his voice sounds so familiar but you cant seem to remember who it could be. "Oh uhm, yes i did. i kinda figured if i danced it alone i would look stupid" You giggled to yourself "Like imagine crouching down and doing this?" you start to do the ending of the dance, "Youre right, haha it would look kinda funny" Says the one on the left, and again his voice also sounds very familiar but you really cant remember. " I guess we should introduce our selves, My name is Changbin, Seo Changbin" Your eyes widen, "Hi My name is Jisung, Han Jisung. But don't tell anyone you saw us" He shoots a wink. "Well i guess it my turn, My name is Hwan hyunjin, and if you ever feel like Getting some sunshine again Make sure not to try to run out the window" He laughs to himself. Youre face flushes red, You barely manage to even Speak. Did i really just make a full of myself infront of STRAYKIDS?!?! Is the only thought running through your head.

[lenniewip]

Unknown (A Sterek Wrong Number/Celebrity AU)

11.09 PM Unknown Number

>I’m writing songs about you again.

11.20 PM Unknown Number

>its stiles btw.

>in case you deleted my number

>I did.

>I mean I deleted yours.

>but I still remember it apparently

11:41 PM Unknown Number

>I only have 2 lines so far

11:57 PM Unknown Number

>I bleed you from my veins.

>I grieve you like I love you.

>alone.

>its better with the chords.

>u were always better at writing lyrics than me

12:34 AM Unknown Number

>u were better everything than me

2:00 AM Unknown Number

>I hate that I miss you

2:07 AM Unknown Number

>do u want to hook up?

>I promise not to propose again

2:15 AM Unknown Number

>im sorry.

>ignore me.

>im drinking

Derek blinked bleary eyes. His phone screen was the only source of light in his room, as he read through the flurry text messages.

What the hell is a Stiles?

2:17 AM Unknown Number

<I think you have the wrong number

>Lydia?

<no

>oh thank fuck

>I mean

>I’m sorry

>for disturbing ur sleep

>but im just glad I didn’t drunk text my ex all of this

>bullet dodged right?

>is this what near death experiences feel like?

<I wouldn’t know.

>of course

>hey

>seeming as I have you here can I ask you a quick q?

>all my friends are asleep

<probably because its 3am

<everyone’s asleep

>2.39

>and ur not

>asleep that is

>so?

>I’ll take your silence as a go ahead

>what do you think?

>of the lyrics

<im the wrong person to ask

>never experienced heartbreak?

<no

<all song lyrics just look like bad poetry to me

>oh

>yeah I guess it does

>not everyone can be Rupi Kaur tho right?

<do you want to be rupi kaur?

>sure

>not to be dramatic or anything

>but

>I want to be anyone but me

>think id rather be someone like regina spektor tho

<regina spektor?

>singer/song writer

>shes my fucking inspiration

>her lyrics are like poetry to me

>you should listen to her music

<I dont really listen to music

>what the fuck?

>are you an alien?

<no?

>nice fucking try ET

>thats exactly what an alien would say

<…you got me there

>akdjfen

>is this you admitting I was right?

<no

<but this is me going to bed

<because its now 4AM

>already?

>fuck

>ive got an early start tomorrow

>good night random stranger

>and thanks

>for listening

>or reading ig

<good night

//

“You’re late.” Laura frowned, arms crossed.

“Are you going to let me in?” Derek grumbled, still feeling the affects of having stayed up until 4AM the previous night.

Laura didn’t argue she just stepped aside to let him through into her flat. “You’re grumpier than usual.” She noted.

“Didn’t sleep well.”

Derek hated the look she gave him then.

The look that said he was broken. The look that said she wanted to fix him.

“Is…Is it the nightmares again?” Laura’s voice dipped to a whisper, like the question alone would be enough to send him over the edge.

“No.”

An awkward silence defended over the two of them, neither knowing what to say.

Derek clung to the silence like a blanket, wishing things could go back to how they used to be. Back to when they knew how to speak to one another.

But this was enough.

It was enough to know that they were both trying. Failing. But trying.

//

2:40 PM Laura

>I’m here if you need to talk.

//

Derek isn’t good at art, but sometimes it’s the only way he can express himself. Words had never been his forte.

So instead he doodles.

Shitty toddler level doodles that he never shows anyone.

Sometimes he thinks if he could bring himself to show Laura she would like it. Maybe she would even understand it.

But there was a bigger chance that she wouldn’t, and he would feel even more like a stranger to his own sister than he already was.

//

10:18 PM Unknown Number

>I don’t remember it anymore

<You have the wrong number again

>No

>This is ‘not Lydia’ right?

<right

>So here’s the thing.

>I always thought if I needed to text her I could

>And I thought maybe I got her number wrong because I was drunk

>But I can’t remember it anymore

<Oh.

>I have some of her things still

>I don’t think I’ll ever get to return it now

>Unless she messages me first

<When did you two break up?

>Last year

>and I know what you’re thinking

>’it’s October’

>and I should be over her by now

>Trust me I know

>So you don’t need to lecture me

<I wasn’t going to

>Oh

<Stiles?

>That’s weird

<what is?

>I forgot I told you my name

<You should throw away the stuff she left behind.

>you’re right

>I don’t like it.

>but you’re right

>…thanks

<What for?

>for listening

>reading**

>my friends are pretty sick of hearing me complain

>so this is nice

<sure

<anytime

>dope

>no take backsies

<am I going to regret this?

>for definite

>you’re stuck with me now

//

That night Derek saves Stiles’ number as ‘Bad Poet’.

//

Stiles keeps messaging after that.

Stiles messages like they’ve been friends for years, and Derek very determinedly does not analyse why it is he always responds.

Even when there are messages dated from Laura from three days ago that he hasn’t even been able to bring himself to open yet.

He also ignores how when he’s messaging Stiles the gaping pit that had made residence in his chest feels just a little less inescapable.

//

Derek can’t bring himself to tell Stiles his name. He can’t bring himself open up, even though there’s a large part of him that wants to.

He’s not above admitting he’s scared.

//

Derek draws Stiles sometimes.

More accurately he draws a vague pair hands texting on a phone, because he has no idea what Stiles actually looks like.

Derek refuses to let himself dwell on that though, because they are happy drawings.

The pictures of Stiles are pretty much his only happy drawings right now.

//

They don’t always talk about Lydia.

Sometimes Stiles messages Derek song lyrics he’s working on.

Other times it’s memes, or just a bunch of emojis.

Once Stiles had just messaged him what Derek could only assume was a list of everything he had eaten that day.

Sometimes Stiles messages in rambles - and Derek can’t always keep up with the boy’s run away thoughts, but even then he never feels lost the way he does when he’s trying to interact with literally anyone else.

And sometimes it’s 2AM. Those are simultaneously Derek’s favourite and least favourite texts.

//

2:02 AM Bad Poet

>sometimes I feel like too much

>and too little

>at the same time

>u ever feel like that ET?

<not really

>its like I’m infinite, and meaningless

>like a never ending echo

>or a recurring decimal

>I just stretch on and on forever but theres no point to it

>I have no depth

<youre not meaningless

<you’re a rhythm.

<like breathing

>…

>was that a regina spektor reference?

<it might have been

>I thought you didn’t listen to music?

<well someone said her lyrics were like poetry

<so I thought I would check out a few songs

>well fuck

>what did you think?

<she’s good

>you spelt ‘amazing’ wrong

<I still prefer poetry

>of course you do

Derek stared at the texts an ache filling his chest.

Derek was the opposite of infinite. Everything he touched turned to flames.

//

10:30AM Bad Poet

<my sister bought me flower seeds

>I didn’t know you had a sister?

<she’s everything I have

>oh

<and I think she’s trying to trick me into therapy somehow

>…with flower seeds?

<yes

>you sound extremely paranoid

>maybe therapy wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world for you?

<shut up

>noted.

>keep me posted on how your gardening goes

>also

>as a side note

>you know you have me too right?

>if you ever need to talk or anything, I’m right here for you

<thanks

>anytime

//

On Derek’s birthday Laura insists the two of them spend the day together, and Derek knows better than to argue.

She buys him a cake and they spend hours sat next to one another silently. Two strangers desperately trying to keep hold of one another but with an ocean dividing them.

Once their family had been so alive.

And it was all Derek’s fault that was gone.

They both knew it.

Sometimes Derek wondered if Laura hated him as much as he did.

He was too scared to ask.

//

That night Derek chased the ache in his chest away with a drink.

And then several more followed.

//

1:14 AM Bad Poet

<seh haars me

>sorry bud, you’re going to have to try again

>try spell checking before hitting send

<she.hates mee

>who?

<larn

>are you drunk?

<yeh

<tyongs ndrf

*Out Going Call: Bad Poet*

The phone rings twice before being picked up. “Sorry. Stupid keyboard is so small. Impossible to type.” Derek mumbled, his words slightly muffled by his cheek being pressed into the sofa cushion.

“Wow. You’re really sloshed huh?”

“No.” Derek denied. “Just tipsy.”

“Right. So what was it you were trying to tell me? Someone hates you?”

“Laura.”

“Who’s Laura?”

“My sister.”

“Oh.”

“She looks at me like she wishes she could fix me.”

“That doesn’t sound like she hates you, bud.”

“She should. I can’t be fixed.”

“You’re right, because you’re not broken.”

Hearing Stiles say that Derek could almost believe it to be true.

“I mean it. You’re not broken. You’re just a different shape than you used to be. But the shape you are now is beautiful.”

Derek closes his eyes and lets the words wash over him. “Do you sing?” He finds himself asking.

“What?”

“I know you write songs, but do you ever sing?”

“Oh…” Stiles sounds uncomfortable. “I guess… Yeah. I do.”

Derek hummed in the back of his throat. “I bet you have a nice voice.”

“Th-thanks.”

Derek tried to say something else, but all that comes out is a yawn, which makes Stiles let out a jittery laugh.

Derek tries to memorise the sound of It, but it’s so fleeting, it’s already slipping away from him.

“I think you need to go sleep, ET.”

“Yeah.” Derek agrees.

“Goodnight bud.”

“Wait.”

“Yeah?”

“Could you stay on the phone? Just for a bit longer.” Derek clutched on to the phone like if he could grip tightly enough it would make Stiles stay.

I don’t want to be alone. The words die on Derek’s tongue.

“Sure.” Stiles didn’t hesitate. “Of course.”

“Thank you.”

Sleep pulled at Derek’s consciousness, unravelling his grip on reality.

“Stiles?”

Stiles hummed in answer.

“Your shape is beautiful too.”

A small whimper came from the other end of the phone. “Thanks.”

//

7:50 AM Bad Poet

>how are you feeling today?

<better

>good <3

Derek holds his phone tightly and wishes that he had more to say. Just to keep the conversation going.

He also wishes (not for the first time) that Stiles was more than a faceless entity on the other end of the phone.

But it’s the first time he feels the want like a physical ache in his chest.

Derek had never been good with words, but if Stiles was here in front of him Derek would probably give him a hug.

But everything Derek touches eventually dies, and a larger part of him is relieved for the distance.

//

Derek plants the seeds his sister got him that day.

//

9:48 PM Bad Poet

>would it totally weird you out if I wanted to do another phone call?

>don’t feel like you need to say yes

>I just enjoyed talking to you

>and hearing your voice

>ugh.

>why are words so hard?

<I wouldn’t be opposed to a phone call

*Incoming Call: Bad Poet*

“Hey.” Derek feels breathless as he answers the phone, anxious excitement clawing it’s way up his throat.

“Hey.” Stiles sounds equally out of breath, and that helps.

Derek chews on his lip, scrambling for something to say. “What did you want to talk about?”

“I don’t know.” Stiles admitted. “Anything.”

“Helpful.” Derek said sarcastically.

“I mean. There’s one thing. I didn’t want to ask when you were drunk because it felt a little like taking advantage. And I don’t want you to think you have to answer-”

“Stiles.” Derek interrupts before Stiles could break into a full blown ramble.

“Tell me your name.” Stiles breaks. “Please.”

Anxiety grips his heart. But… he couldn’t stay scared forever.

“It’s Derek.”

“Derek.” Stiles repeats his name in a reverent whisper, as if committing it to memory.

And hearing Stiles say his name makes everything worth it.

//

Phone calls become a regular thing between the two of them over the next month. Always between late in the evening and the early hours of the day.

//

The next time Derek spirals he doesn’t drink before he calls Stiles, but he does cry on the phone.

The next morning he wakes up to a text from Stiles.

6:42 AM Bad Poet

>you need to talk to your sister

And Derek knows he’s right.

//

It’s not easy confronting Laura. He has two separate anxiety attacks on the walk to her apartment alone.

But he forces himself to take the dive.

“It’s okay if you hate me.” He tells her, even though it’s not okay. Laura’s hate might be the only thing in the world that could break him beyond repair.

Laura looks horrified as she stares at him. “I don’t- Obviously I don’t hate you Derek.”

“It’s my fault that they’re gone.” Derek addresses the elephant in the room.

If he hadn’t fallen in love with Kate.

If he hadn’t broken up with her, just to try and prove a point when she refused to say ‘I love you’ back…

There never would have been a fire.

Their family would still be here if it wasn’t for him.

“Fuck that!” Laura let out a harsh noise. “Derek, none of this was ever your fault. You were a kid, and even if you weren’t… You never set the fire.”

“I might as well have.”

“No. If anyone… I was your big sister- am your big sister. But I was so fucking wrapped up in myself. I didn’t even know about Kate.”

The last time Derek had seen Laura cry it had been at the funeral, so it took a second to fully sink in what he was seeing.

He found himself crying to.

“I’m so sorry, Der.”

Derek stumbled forwards pulling Laura into a crushing hug. Laura hugs him back just as tight.

They spend hours refusing to let go of one another.

//

He realises he fell asleep on Laura’s sofa when he woke up to the sound of his phone ringing. But he had no idea where it was, and he was too tired to move.

He feels Laura moving and the sound of the phone ringing gets louder before cutting off abruptly.

“Hello?”

“No - Derek’s asleep.”

“Maybe call at a more reasonable time?”

“Who is this?”

“Your voice sounds familiar.”

“Right.”

“Okay. Bye.”

Derek let sleep over take him once more.

//

2:29 AM Bad Poet

>sorry for calling so late

>you’re asleep so I’ll just take to you tomorrow

//

9:07 AM Bad Poet

<sorry, I was really tried

>no worries man

>you’re allowed to have a life outside of me

<was something wrong?

>no I was just bored, and didn’t realise how late it had gotten

>im fine

>how are you?

<im good actually

<I spoke to Laura

>yeah?

>I’m proud of you

>how’d that go?

<we both cried

<a lot

<and I ended up falling asleep on her couch

>look at you, opening up and shit.

>think I might cry now

<shut up

>literally never

>better men have tried and failed to silence me

//

2:40 PM Laura

>Want to see a movie on Friday?

<sure

//

One night Stiles calls Derek just to say his name in stupid ways, and laugh himself stupid after each one.

“Duhreek.”

“Doreck.”

“Fuck. I’m getting a stitch from laughing.”

“You’re so fucking dumb.” Derek is smiling as he said it.

“Deeruk.” Stiles wheezes out.

Derek just closes hie eyes and listens.

“I’m so fucking glad I know you, Stiles.” The words fall out of Derek’s mouth without much thought.

He only realises the weight of his words when Stile’s laughter pulls to a stop.

“I uh-” Stiles stammered. “Me too. Fuck. You’re the best thing to happen to me in…so fucking long. I’m glad I know you too Derek.”

//

Derek finally admits to himself that night that he’d fallen at least a little in love with the stranger from the unknown number.

//

He keeps trying to draw Stiles, but he can’t. Vague shapes just don’t cut it anymore.

He wants to map Stiles out with his eyes and translate it onto the page.

He wants to be able to see the smile behind the laughter.

He wants.

//

1:58 AM Bad Poet

>do you think you day we’ll actually meet?

>maybe not intentionally

>maybe one day we’d pass each other in the streets and not even know

>maybe we already have

Derek couldn’t imagine a scenario where he wouldn’t notice Stiles.

<is there ever a moment when you’re not talking?

<I think id recognise your voice and know it was you

>maybe your face would make me speechless ;)

<I think id still know

<but if you want to be sure… I could send you a picture?

<of me

>dkfajd

>for reals?

>you would do that?

>you?

<well…not for free

>there’s always a catch

>what do you want?

>my soul?

>a blood debt?

>you can have whatever it is

<I meant you’d have to send me a picture too

<geez stiles

The next text takes an unnervingly long time to come through.

>I could do that

>a photo for a photo

>I kind of look like shit rn

>so no judging me

Derek spends the next two minutes fussing and fidgeting to take a good photo. No matter what angle he took it from the bags under his eyes were noticeable, and so was the week’s worth of stubble he had yet to shave off.

And maybe this was a terrible, awful, idea.

But Derek would send one hundred bad pictures if it meant getting to see one of Stiles.

He forced himself to press send on the last picture he took.

As he pressed send another photo came in.

Derek’s fingers shook as he hit the button to download the image.

His heart stopped.

Stiles was beautiful in every sense of the word, and Derek found himself unable to look away. Even when he heard the small dings of incoming messages.

But he couldn’t ignore them for long, because it was Stiles. And when ever Stiles messaged Derek had to answer.

>Fucking hell

>are you for real?

>you gave me a heart attack

>am I being catfished right now?

>when do you think you were going to tell me you’re the most fucking beautiful man to exist ever?

>how the hell to you look like that as 2AM!?

>Derek

>oh my god

>you gotta respond my dude because I’m freaking out a little bit

>still there?

>did my selfie scare you away?

>I would have tried harder for a nice photo if I knew I was talking to an adonis

>Derek?

<still here

>of thank fuck

>so…

<so?

>come on

>your going to give me a complex

>the selfie…was it okay?

>I know it’s not much

>but we can’t all be greek gods

<its beautiful

<you’re beautiful, stiles

>oh

>thanks

//

Derek is so far gone that he makes the picture of Stiles the home screen on his phone.

//

9:49 AM Bad Poet

<Laura wants me to meet her boyfriend

<this is all your fault

>how is this my fault?

<because she never wanted to introduce us before

<and then you got me to talk to my sister

<and now she wants me to meet him

>…and this is a bad thing?

<yes

>because?

<I don’t make good first impressions

<it’s going to be awkward

>yeah probably

<you’re not helpful

>I wasn’t trying to be ;)

>have fun, Derek!

//

Meeting Laura’s boyfriend wasn’t as awkward as Derek thought it was going to be. But it was strange.

Derek hadn’t been expecting to meet someone so soft and kind. He was nothing like any one that Laura had dated before.

But he also wasn’t used to seeing Laura smile as much as she did around him.

Maybe not all change was bad.

//

Derek tells Laura about Stiles by accident. Or more accurately he mentions Stiles once by accident (not even by name) and Laura had badgered him until he admitted that he had made a friend through a wrong number.

“There’s a lot of weirdos out there.”

“I know.”

God did Derek ever know.

But Stiles is different.

“Just…be careful.”

“I am being. I promise.”

Laura reluctantly lets it go after that. “So…what’s he like?”

“He’s…he’s like bad poetry.”

“Oh god. You’re in love with him aren’t you?”

Derek can’t bring himself to deny it, but he does tell Laura to shut up.

//

Derek fully embraces being in love with Stiles on the day he tells Stiles about his drawings. He’d never told anyone about them before - not even Laura. But telling Stiles had been easy.

‘It reminds me of line art’ Stiles had said when Derek had sent him a photo of the doodle he had been working on. “I love it’.

A warmth flutters through Derek’s veins.

//

It all goes sideways on the day Laura goes on Derek’s phone to check the time.

She’d raised one eyebrow at him looking amused.

“I thought you didn’t listen to music?” She said, a teasing note to her voice.

“I don’t.” Derek shrugged.

“A huh. So why do you have a picture of Stiles Stilinski as your wallpaper?” She asks.

It’s so startling to hear Stiles name coming out of Laura’s mouth that Derek’s brain refuses to function properly. “How do you know Stiles?” He asks weakly.

Laura laughs. “He’s not exactly a niche celebrity Der. He was a really famous YouTuber before he started selling albums.”

Derek doesn’t know what to say to that. He blinks as his world slowly unravels before him.

No.

She had to be wrong, because Derek couldn’t be in love with a celebrity. Stiles couldn’t be…

“Hey are you okay? You look really sick?”

“He’s famous?” His throat is dry.

“Yes? Are you okay? What’s wrong? You’ve got to speak to me Der. Use your words.”

Derek just shakes his head because he can’t.

“It’s him.” He manages to get out.

“What are you talking about?”

“Laura. It’s him.”

It takes a moment to click but Derek knows when it does because a look of thunderous wrath takes over Laura’s face.

“I’ll kill him.” She seethes, shaking with anger. “What kind of fucking punk thinks that this is a good prank to play?”

“What?”

“No one is getting away with catfishing you, Der. I’m going to hunt this fucker down, and then I’ll rip him so many new ones that he going to look like SpongeBob when I’m done with him.”

And god, Derek hadn’t even considered the thought that Stiles might not even be Stiles. The thought of Stiles being a liar…

The gape in his heart grows a little bit bigger.

And it all falls apart.

//

It takes hours before Derek can convince himself to confront Stiles.

11:08 PM Bad Poet

<you’re stiles stilinki

>fuck

(And yeah, it was really him).

>how did you find out?

<Laura

>I was going to tell you

<Were you?

>Yes

>I’ve wanted to for ages

>It just never felt like the right time to bring it up

<I wish you had decided on the right time was sooner

>Me too

>I’m sorry

>Please don’t hate me

Derek did not think it was possible for him to hate any part of Stiles.

<I don’t

>Thank fuck

>seriously

>can I call you?

<sure

Derek closed his eyes after sending the text and waited for Stiles to ring. A heartbeat later his ringtone sounded off.

“Hey.”

“You believe me right?” And Stiles sounds more frantic than Derek had ever heard him before.

“I believe you, Stiles.”

“Are you sure, because I can prove it if you want? I can do a video call? Or I can tweet literally anythi-”

“Stiles.”

“Yeah?”

“You don’t have to prove anything to me.”

Stiles lets out a small whine, that reaches through the phone line and yanks at Derek’s already tattered heart, unraveling him just a little more.

“Meet me.” Stiles said, taking Derek by surprise.

“What?”

“Please. I meant to throw a please in there, I’m just really fucking nervous right now. Meet me please. In real life. I uh- I was going to ask when I finally told you about the whole being a celebrity thing. It’s still weird to say that out loud. That’s part of why it was so hard to tell you. But the point was you beat me to the punch with the whole reveal thing, but I still wanted to ask.”

“Stiles…”

“And it’s not that I was trying to use my influence or fame to pressure you into meeting me. I just wanted to be in a space where we were one hundred per cent honest with one another before I asked you. You can still say no. Of course you can, I don’t know why I’m- my point is I hope you don’t say no.”

Derek feels his heart break in two.

“Stiles…I can’t.”

“Oh.”

He hadn’t fully realised just how many worlds apart the two of them were when he had fallen in love with Stiles. It felt even more impossible than it had before.

“I’m sorry.” The words leave him feeling hollow.

“No. Don’t apologise. This is just me getting carried away. It’s okay.”

I love you. The words never leave Derek. They can’t leave him.

There was no way this could work, and he was far too scared of breaking the tentative connection they had with his useless words.

It was better for him to just… fall out of love.

//

6:17AM Laura

<it’s really him

>are you sure

<I’m sure

>what are you going to do?

<nothing

>Derek you’re in love with him

<I’m aware

<it doesn’t matter

<it wouldn’t ever work

>I’m sorry

<don’t be

<I’m going to be fine

>Im coming over with wine

//

That night Derek fills pages and pages of his notebook with drawings of Stiles.

When he gets a message from Stiles at 11PM- for the first time since they started messaging- Derek leaves it unopened.

//

He never ignores a message again after that, and life moves on. Stiles still messages him all the time, but he never asks to call anymore.

Derek misses his voice so much that he goes onto youtube and listens to his music.

He buys all three albums Stiles released and it still doesn’t feel like enough.

//

He fills an entire notebook with doodles of Stiles.

It’s still not enough.

//

1:11 PM Bad Poet

>I wrote you a song

>I know you don’t listen to music

>but it felt weird to not a least send you a link

>bad poetry at 2:00am

The link leads Derek to a youtube video of Stiles holding a ukulele and staring with a soft smile at the camera.

“Hey guys. It’s been a while, huh? But I guess I finally found inspiration. So here we go.”

The song is beautiful, but even more beautiful than that was Stiles.

When the song reached the end Derek doesn’t hesitate to hit replay.

He listens to the song ten times before he realises he’s crying - and he knows that he’s never going to ‘get over’ Stiles because he doesn’t want to.

//

3:00 PM Laura

>have you seen the video?

<he sent me a link

<he wrote a song for me Laura

<I love him so fucking much and he wrote a song for me

>fuck

<what do I do?

>what do you want to do?

<I don’t know

>I think you should look at his twitter

<?

>I wasn’t going to say anything because you said you wanted to get over him

>but I think you need to see it

>@stilesstilinki

//

@stilesstilinski

I want to hug him

@stilesstilinski

Get you a guy that will stay up with you until 4AM talking about literally anything

@stilesstilinski

Why do I alway fall for people so far out of my league? rip me I guess.

@stilesstilinski

He makes me want to write poetry

Derek spends hours scrolling through Stiles’ twitter.

He scrolls far enough back that he gets to the part of his timeline where his twitter is littered with pictures of Lydia, which causes the ache in Derek’s chest to grow. But he can’t stop looking because Stiles looks so happy.

And Derek falls impossibly more in love.

He lets himself acknowledge for the first time that Stiles might love him back.

And everything else?

It’s worth it.

Because Stiles is worth everything to Derek.

//

2:00 AM Bad Poet

<so I looked at your twitter

>fuck.

>how much did you see?

<all of it

>tight

>please excuse me while I go die now

>bye

<don’t leave yet

<I had something I wanted to ask you

>did you want me to delete the tweets?

>I can do that

>I’ll just delete the whole account

>I am my own worst enemy so this won’t be a problem

>actually Jackson Whittemore is my worst enemy

>but I’m a close second

<stiles?

>yup?

<Will you go on a date with me?

>alkdjf

>yes?

>Ofc yes?

>are you being serious?

>because this would be a cruel prank if you’re not serious

<I’m serious

>yes.

>yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes.

>holy shit

>theres no fucking universe where I say ‘no’ to that question from you

>im so fucking in love with you

>is it too soon to say that?

>I don’t even care

>I’m speaking my truth

>you obviously don’t have to say it back

>im going to woo you so hard Derek

>you’ll have to love me back eventually

>I’m going to write you poetry

>hell I’ll even read poetry for you

>ill give the whole fucking moon to you

<why would I want the moon?

<im not gru?

>despicable me

>that was a despicable me reference.

>you don’t listen to music, but you watch despicable me?

>you’re such an enigma to me Derek

>god I love you so much

<stiles?

>too much?

<no

<I don’t think I could ever have too much of you

<I love you too stiles

<so much

<I just don’t want you to get your hopes up

<I might not be able to live up to it in real life

>impossible

<seriously stiles

>I am being serious

>I’m already in love with you Der

>you don’t have to do anything more than you’ve already done

>you could wear a potato sack, and spend the whole night not saying anything at all

>and I would still be in love with you

>all you have to do now is show up

<…I can do that

>perfect

//

TWO YEARS LATER

@stilesstilinski

Hey @JacksonWhittemore, remember when you told me I would die alone? Well I just got engaged to the love of my life. So checkmate fucker.

[let-it-raines]

I was reading this "ex prompt list" and while I want you to write all of them, I really liked this one: "You talk about me in your new song and I get mad over it, so I’m standing outside your apartment door to argue, only to see you open the door half naked." Thank you, darling! You're a gift!

She’s on her way home from work when she hears it. Listening to the radio isn’t something she does, not anymore, but her car can’t connect to her phone’s Bluetooth and she forgot the aux cord, so it was either the radio or silence.

She probably should have stayed in silence.

Because for the first time in three months, for the first time since she was in Target and heard one of his songs over the speakers, she hears his voice.

And she hates it.

But she apparently hates herself a little bit more because she doesn’t change the station or turn the radio off. She doesn’t recognize the opening chords to this song. She recognizes the chords to every song. She knows all of the lyrics, all of the rifts and pauses. She knows everything.

But she doesn’t know this one.

It’s quiet, sullen, the usually prominent instruments muted in the background so that his voice comes through as clearly as possible. It takes her thirty seconds and two references of a swan flying away – really subtle there, Jones – for her to realize that the song is about her. She has to pull over to the side of the road, making several different cars blare their horns at her, but she can’t…she can’t listen to this while driving. She can’t hear him sing a song that’s clearly about their break up. She has to listen, but she can’t do anything else.

She can barely breathe.

He sounds broken. But she knows that’s on purpose. He records those songs a million times over, until he gets them exactly how he wants them to be, so she knows that he’s manufactured it this way. She’s watched him record enough songs to know how things work.

How dare he do this.

How dare he put their private life out there for anyone with ears to hear.

Hot tears sting behind her eyes, and she has to bury her face in her hands while her throat constricts, emotion lodging itself there and making her feel as if she has to vomit. Or as if she can���t breathe. She doesn’t know. She doesn’t know anything.

All she knows is that she misses him. She misses Killian.

But right now she hates him for making her relive their breakup, for making her relive the agony that was the weeks and months of separation that inevitably led them to walking away from each other.

Or maybe it was her.

She’s not sure. If anything, it’s all a blur of tears and alcohol, sobs wracking her body while she was unable to feel anything but pain. She’d waited so long to find someone who understood her, who wanted to be with her with no reservations, who wouldn’t leave. But then he had left. It had been for work. She knows this. She understands this. Despite everything, she wants nothing more than for him to be happy and to follow his dreams. She just wishes it didn’t come at the expense of them.

She just wishes she’d been strong enough to handle the months of separation and the way that their schedules never matched up, the way that they were constantly missing each other when they tried to call.

The song ends and immediately something happy, upbeat plays through her speakers. She’s having some kind of meltdown on the side of the road, and the world keeps going by. Cars continue to drive by, shaking her bug with their momentum, and the song that’s about one of the worst periods of her life is quickly forgotten and replaced by something about…dancing in a club. It’s literally just about dancing.

She lets out a watery chuckle, the emotion that was lodged in her throat clearing the slightest bit so that she can breathe. Was she not breathing? She might not have been breathing.

Now that she can breathe again, she inhales, sucking her chest in before letting out a gush of air in an attempt to calm herself. In her review mirror she can see that her face is red and splotchy, that her eyes are still watery, and she has to wipe away the snot that’s formed at her nose.

It’s as she’s rubbing her eyes, trying to clear her vision, that all of the sadness starts to twist, transforming into something else entirely. She’s pissed. Absolutely pissed. And she can’t help but think of her earlier thoughts when the song first started playing.

How dare he do this to her.

How dare he write that song and put it on the radio.

Before she knows it, she’s putting her car in drive, looking over her shoulder to make sure the road is clear, before she’s pulling off of the dirt and onto the pavement, speeding down the road in the direction of Killian’s apartment instead of toward hers, driving in the direction of the place where she lived for so long. She knows he’s home, that he’s in town. And she only knows this because David still talks to him, still talks about him, and she overheard David talking to Mary Margaret about Killian being home for the next few weeks and how they’re going to go out for a pint to catch up.

She knows the path to his apartment better than she knows the path to her own, a right here followed by another until it’s a straight shot to the parking garage underneath his building. She still has her sticker, the one that lets her inside. She never could get the damn thing off.

But now it’s useful as she pulls into an empty guest space, hastily getting out of the car and slamming the door shut as she makes her way over to the elevator, hoping that the code hasn’t changed and she can still get inside. It’s only two minutes before she’s standing in front of his door, the momentum and adrenaline propelling her hand forward until she’s banging on the wood so roughly that her hand might actually hurt.

She hurts.

Every bit of anger, of malice, of disappointment that she has is on the tip of her tongue, posed to be spit at him as soon as she sees him, but then the door is swung open and she sees him for the first time in…shit. It’s been five months. It’s been three months since she heard his voice in Target, but it’s been five months since she’s seen him.

And he’s now standing in front of her with his hair damply falling across his forehead, water trailing down the hair of his chest, and the words of his tattoo peeking up over the white towel he has slung across his hip.

Fuck.

She doesn’t have any other words, especially as his fists clench and the muscles in his arms strain while his jaw ticks. He’d look surprised when she first showed up, his lips parting before closing, almost as if he had something he wanted to say. But now he looks angry, a storm raging behind his eyes, and all she can think about is the time that they went to Bermuda for their anniversary and spent the entire week either in bathing suits, a towel, or nothing at all.

“What are you doing here, Swan?”

There’s no anger in his voice though. It’s calm, even, and it’s that fact that gets her back on track. He sounded broken in the song. He’s obviously not broken like she is.

“How dare you write that song,” she spits, trying to keep her voice just as steady, knowing that she’s failing. “You just put our life, my life, out there for everyone to hear.”

“No one knows it’s about you.”

“I do! I know! Our friends know! Everybody goddamn knows! I’m driving down the road on my way home from work, trying to live my life, trying to move on, and I just have everything that I’m trying to forget thrown back in my face like that.”

“Love – ”

“Don’t call me that,” she cries, hating how her voice cracks. She shouldn’t have done this. She shouldn’t have come. She should have never let her emotions drive her, but that’s always what’s she’s done. She’s never been one to be able to hold back when she really feels. “I am not your love. You’ve made that very clear.”“Swan,” he grits, crossing his arms over his heaving chest, “if you want to yell at me, come inside. I have neighbors, and I don’t think we want them witnessing this.”

She huffs, disbelief that he’s actually inviting her inside so that she can continue this emotional breakdown, but her feet still carry her inside, her eyes glancing over the apartment the moment she gets inside. It all looks exactly the same.

She hates that it all looks the same.

Something should have changed.

All of her stuff is gone.

She’s gone.

Something should have changed.

She turns around to look back at Killian, who’s locking the door behind him before running his hands through his damp hair, pushing it back on his forehead, before he’s rubbing his fingers over his scruff. She hates how good he looks almost as much as she hates that that’s what she’s focusing on.

“Why are you here?” he sighs, the indignation he had replaced with acceptance. “The song? You’re mad about the song?”

“Of course I’m mad about the song. How could I not be? Have you heard it?”

“I wrote it. And in case you’ve forgotten, I have dozens of other songs about you, nearly every one of them on a record somewhere. You never seemed pissed about those then.”

“We weren’t broken up then.”“Well whose bloody fault is that? Because it’s not mine. I didn’t want to break up.”

“You think I wanted to break up?” she screams, not caring about staying calm while her entire body heats, her skin feeling overly warm and her head throbbing while her heart pounds. “You think I wanted to be having breakdowns on the side of the road because I can’t handle reliving parts of our relationship. You think I wanted to be the girl who sat at home and cried every time you didn’t pick up the phone? Every time you had to go one minute into our conversation? Every time I went out with my friends and heard your voice on the speakers at a bar when I hadn’t actually heard your voice in days? You think I wanted that?”

She can’t…she can’t breathe again, her heart beating far too quickly in her chest. This isn’t healthy. This isn’t good. She needs…she needs to sit down. So she does, collapsing to the ground and resting her back against his hallway wall while she wraps her arms around her knees and lets herself have another breakdown.

Who the hell needs dignity?

“Emma,” Killian sighs, and that only makes things worse. He never calls her Emma, not unless something is important, and she hates herself for this entire situation. She hates that he is able to still have this power over her, that she still loves him so much that she can’t fathom the fact that she’s not with him.

“Emma,” he repeats, kneeling down next to her, his towel opening as he squats, which really doesn’t help the situation at all. “Are you okay?”

“Do you think I’m okay?”

“No.” His thumb reaches up and wipes away the tears on her cheek. That’s the first time she’s felt his touch in five months too. And it’s also what makes her look up to see that he’s got a tear falling onto his cheek too. “I’m sorry, lo – Swan. I’m sorry that you heard the song and that it hurt you.”

“Why’d you write it then? You had to know that I’d hear it eventually.”

“Because I hurt too. Music is how I deal with things. You know this. You’ve always known this. And how the hell else am I supposed to deal with my heartbreak?”

“By writing the damn song and then not putting it on the radio.”

“I had to fulfill my contract. I had to release a new single.”

“Don’t you have another one? One that’s not about us?”

“No.”

She sighs, leaning her head back against the wall and tightly closing her eyes all while she physically aches. She aches for them to be back to normal, aches for this to not be happening anymore. She should have never come here.

“How long are you home?”

“What?” he stutters, his voice visibly shaken.

She opens her eyes and looks back at him, attempting to even her breaths. “How long are you home this time? How long until you have to leave again?”

“A few weeks. I’ve got to go back and meet with the guys for a couple of days at the end of September.”

She doesn’t know why she does what she does next, but before she can stop herself, before she can think straight, she leans forward and slides her lips over his in a harsh, demanding kiss. Her hands are in his hair in an instant, using the soft strands to tug him closer, and his hands find her face, the warmth and roughness of the pads of his fingers holding her to him as well. It’s like being connected, like being right, after so many months of not feeling like herself, of feeling like something in her life is off kilter.

Like something is wrong.

She doesn’t care that they shouldn’t be doing this. She doesn’t care that she shouldn’t be pushing Killian against the floor, the hardwood uncomfortable under her knees, and she doesn’t care that she’s losing her mind over the way that Killian’s groaning into her mouth and thrusting his hips up against hers, the towel doing nothing to hide his arousal.

And she really doesn’t care when they stumble away from the entrance of his apartment and fall back into his bedroom, quickly and surely moving against each other in the way that they always have. He feels good, fantastic, and she knows she should never be thinking about she and Killian together when they’re very obviously having a relapse, a collapse back into the them they used to be.

So she doesn’t say anything, doesn’t let herself not enjoy this, but she can’t speak, she can’t return Killian’s words of ecstasy and affection while he moves inside of her and above her. She simply falls into how good, how right, this feels, and figures that she’ll…she’ll figure it all out later.

It turns out when later comes that she’s still not ready to figure it out. She still doesn’t know what to do. Instead of getting up and leaving when they were finished, she didn’t. She stayed. She’s not sure that she had the strength to leave, that she even wanted to, so now she’s wrapped up in one of Killian’s sweaters while her legs are stuck in between his and his hands are trailing through her hair. She feels his heartbeat under her palm, the slow rise and fall of his chest a rhythm that she knows better than any other.

A rhythm that she knows better than any song he’s ever written.

“Sex doesn’t solve our problems, Swan. You know that, right?”

“I know,” she confesses, snuggling closer to him despite everything. “I don’t…we shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t even still be here. I’m not sure what came over me, over us.”“A hell of a lot of emotions.” She feels his lips against her forehead, the sweat that’s gathered there being pushed away. “We’ve got…there’s a lot left between us, love. There was never anything wrong between us, I don’t think. I just wasn’t there.”

“That’s kind of what went wrong. You can’t be in a relationship without being there.”

“But it’s not us. It was the distance, my job.”

“Which is your dream.”

“Aye, it was my dream,” he confirms softly, running his fingers through her hair and down her back. “It is my dream. But I should have never let it come between us. You’ve been my life for half a decade. You have been there for absolutely everything, and I should have tried harder, should have done more.”

“I don’t think there was anything either of us could have done.”

“I could have made more time to call. I could have scheduled breaks between cities. I could have booked a flight for me, for you. I could have done so much to save us, to make you feel less alone.”

“Killian, this isn’t all on you.”

“No, no, it’s not, but I’ve had five months of living alone, even when I wasn’t here, to think about all of the things I could have changed.”

“Me too,” she sighs, lifting her head from his chest and untangling her legs before she moves to the other side of the bed, putting distance between them all the while Killian rubs his hand up and down his face trying to work out the stress lines. “I don’t…I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t either. Do you even want to try again? Or are we chalking this up to a one-time thing? To a fallback?”

For the first time since she’s shown up here, he sounds as broken as he did during the song. He sounds like she feels, like there’s something missing, something just out of reach. He sounds…he doesn’t sound like Killian. Not the one that she knew. Not the one who woke her up in the mornings with a smile on his face and laughter in his eyes. Not the one who sang while he cooked, often burning the food because he would start writing down the beginnings of a song.

He doesn’t sound like the man who loved her.

The man who she loves.

“I don’t want it to be that,” she answers honestly, wrapping her arms around her legs and resting her chin on her knees. “But I can’t go back to how we were…what do you want?”

“You.”

A shiver runs down her spine, gooseflesh popping up on her skin.

“That’s all. You just want me?”

“Always, Emma,” he promises, his lips ticking up on the right and the lines around his eyes crinkling while his tongue clicks. “But you’re right. We can’t…I can’t leave like that. I can’t do things just for me without considering you. And you can’t let me just do it and say that things are okay.”

“I kind of figured you knew things weren’t okay.”

“You’ve never lied to me, so I didn’t expect it then. I always believed the words that you said.”

“So what are we doing, Killian? What do we do?”

He shrugs, sitting up against the headboard. “We try again. We make compromises. We do better. For ourselves. For each other. And maybe I don’t put a song out without letting you know.”She smiles, the first genuine smile without heartbreak hidden behind it, for the first time today. Maybe for the first time in months.

“I’d like that.”

It takes more than one day for things to get back to normal. It takes weeks, months really. Killian was a constant part of her life for five years, but after nearly half a year apart, things don’t simply snap back. Trust has to be rebuilt, routines have to become routine again, and she has to learn that things are never going to be perfect and that compromise is a hell of a lot harder than simply saying the word. You actually have to break and bend, give and give up, but it’s worth it if you want to make things work.

She wants to make things work.

Killian does too.

And the next time she hears a song on the radio that’s about her, Killian’s voice isn’t broken. And neither is her heart.

[yoongitexts]

• 。Honesty  。•

Jeon Jungkook X Park Jimin Smut

(Sub!Jimin, Dom!Jungkook, hair pulling, oral, orgasm denial, implied anal sex)

Summary: Park Jimin was Jeon Jungkook’s best friend at university. He was probably the most adorable person Jungkook had ever met. The two never talked about anything sexual and Jimin never mentioned any interest in girls and it made Jungkook feel even more comfortable around him. He was always considerate of Jungkook and his feelings. But it wasn’t long before he realized that Park Jimin was no where close to as innocent as Jungkook thought he was and that he was so much closer to being in love with Jimin than he could ever anticipate. All Jungkook had to do now was be honest.

“Jungkookie you have to finish the assignment tonight!” Jimin protested over the phone while Jungkook walked down the street just outside of campus. As per usual Jimin was keeping him on track for school work cause without him Jungkook would teeter right out of his college scholarship. “I know Chim, I just can’t bring my self to doing it, I feel brain dead.” Jungkook smiled through his words as he heard Jimin sigh over the phone. 

“Jungkook I know you can do it, just think about it this way; either you do the assignment or else you’ll die.” He said.

A laugh escaped Jungkook’s throat suddenly but Jimin didn’t make a sound, indicating his seriousness.

“But I know I won’t die Chim.” He said.

“Well you still have to think that way! Or else it won’t get done!” He said. Jimin’s honest tough love always worked no matter what.

“I guess you’re right, oh there’s a Starbucks right here I’ll do it now.” Jungkook said walking into the café.

“Of course, I’m always right, now go write the best paper ever!” Jimin said quickly hanging up the phone. Jungkook took his phone off his ear and smiled. ‘What would I do without him?’ He thought to himself. As soon as he sat down and got comfortable he looked out of the window and saw huge dark grey clouds rolling into town. ‘Fuck I should just go back to the dorms before it starts pouring’ he said to himself picking up his backpack and walking out.

He absolutely needed Jimin’s help with this paper, Jimin was so amazing at writing and never ever bragged about it ever. Jungkook walked back onto campus as it started drizzling and made it through the door just in time. ‘Down the hall and the first door on your left’ Jungkook remembered the first time someone told him those directions to Jimins dorm when Jimin was just his tutor who he went to for more formal assistance. Right away after the first tutoring session him and Jimin became close friends. They talked about music and shows and stupid memes, Park Jimin was really his missing piece.

Jungkook knocked on the hard wooden door three times before opening it with ease.

‘Of course it’s unlocked, only Jimin would have that much trust in people.’ He smiled.

He walked around the corner to Jimin’s bedroom and expected to see a four eyed boy with his face shoved in his computer.

“J-“ Jungkook stopped his mouth from moving or making a sound before he was able to embarrassed himself.

Jimin was sat upright on his bed with his head tilted back, letting each golden lock of his hair dangle and defy gravity right behind his neck. His glasses were off letting the darkness of his eyes show. Soft but very audible breaths escaped his mouth and Jungkook wished he wasn’t correct but he knew what he was doing.

Jimin’s completey exposed dick was being caressed by his right hand and he seemed to be in a state of euphoria. Sweat dripped down his neck as he heard one small hum of satisfaction escape his vocal chords. He had earbuds in but he wasn’t sure if he was watching porn or not.

Jungkook was taken back and tried shuffle backwards out of his room as quickly as possible without tripping. He closed the door swiftly and made his way back to his dorm.

That night Jungkook couldn’t get the thought of Jimin’s dick out of his head and the sounds he was making and the ethereal way he looked pleasuring himself. He picked up his phone and texted Hoseok, the one who suggested that Jimin tutor him.

Jungkook

Hoseok omg omg

Hoseok

What

Jungkook

Ugh this is so weird

Hoseok

What is it Gguk

Jungkook

Okay I kinda walked in on Jimin jacking off but he didn’t notice me so I ran away and I just feel so awkward now

There was no response from Hoseok for a few minutes and he thought Hoseok immediately texted Jimin about what happened and your heart began to race. He typed quickly.

Jungkook

Hobi whatever you do DONT TELL HIM

Hoseok

HHAAGAHAHA IM NOT chill out dude

Jungkook

I just don’t know what to do, I saw everything Hobi

Hoseok

Look you know all guys jack off it’s really nothing I’m sure he won’t care kook

Jungkook

But Jimin isn’t all guys, he’s my chim chim, and yeah I guess he’s normal too but I just never thought I’d see it

Hoseok

Kookie I think you need to get some sleep

Jungkook turned his phone off. ‘Well Hoseok is no help right now and I can’t talk to anyone else about this’

Jungkook angrily pulled his douvet over his body and slammed his head into his pillow. As his body began to unstiffen from anger the moments played again in his head. Jimin’s moans... his sweat, fuck...his dick. It was glistening in the light probably from precum or lube. He shook the thought away before it turned into something he didn’t want it to be. He forced yourself to shut off his brain and sleep and forgot about that stupid paper. The next few days he avoided Jimin at all costs and constantly came up with excuses for not being able to hang out. “Too much work.” “I’m sick.” “Just not feeling up to it.”

Jungkook felt awful for lying to him but he didn’t know how to look him in the eye and still refrain from telling him about what happened. Jungkook scrunched his face at the sound of his alarm and tapped the Stop button on his phone as hard as he could. He walked down the hall to the bathroom when he collided with a body as he came around the corner leading to the lounge.

“Sorry-Oh, Jungkookie, I was wondering where you were.” Jimin said fixing his glasses.

“Oh Jimin I’ve been meaning to talk to you.” He said awkwardly.

“Like hell you have, what’s up with you, you’ve been so weird lately?” He said.

Jungkook’s heart shattered as he realized how stupid he was being and how much he might have been hurting Jimin.

“Jimin there’s something that happened a few days ago that I need to talk to you about.” He said.

Jimin immediately looked extremely worried. “Are you okay? Is your family okay?” He asked frantically.

“No they’re fine, c-can you just come here so we can talk in private?” He asked edging towards Jimins dorm.

Jimin followed behind him. Jungkook sat down on his bed and Jimin sat right beside him with his leg propped up on the bed to face Jungkook.

“So a few days ago, I came to your dorm to ask for some help with my paper-“

“Oh yeah did you ever finish that?” Jimin asked.

“No, but that’s not important right now, anyway when I came here I didn’t know, but you were doing something kinda private and I just wanted to let you know that I saw cause I don’t want to keep secrets from you.” Jungkook said. Jimin stared at him in confusion until his face showed his realization.

“Ooohh you mean you saw me jacking off, I’m sorry Kook if I’d known you were coming I would have locked the door.” He said. Jungkook couldn’t believe how casual he was being but that was how Hoseok was saying he would react too.

“So you’re not mad at me?” Jungkook asked softly.

Jimin giggled and then sighed. “Why would I be mad at you?” He asked.

“I-I don’t know.” Jungkook said awkwardly.

“At least you know how sexually frustrated I really am now.” Jimin said.

“Haha yeah me too...” Jungkook said trying to lighten the mood.

“How about this? From now on we have to be honest with each other about everything, no matter what it is, that way we can avoid situations like this.” Jimin said standing up organizing some things on his desk. “Okay.” Jungkook said. Jimin smiled in agreement.

“I’m gonna go finish that paper.” Jungkook said standing up. Jimin shewed him out of the room and he went back to his dorm. Jungkook sat at his desk still thinking about what Jimin said about being honest with each other. He tapped the end of just pen against his desk until he chuckled in thought. ‘Honest? Honest means telling him I can’t stop think about his dick and how beautiful it is and how much I would love to have it in my mouth right about now.’ The thought ate away at him. ‘Jimin... Jimin Jimin Jimin, What is he trying to do to me?’ In the middle of his thought he got a text.

Jimin

Finish that paper yet?

Jungkook

Nope :)))

Jimin

Get to it boy!

Jungkook

Jimin Do you really want me to be honest with you?

Jimin

Of course kookie

Jungkook

I can’t stop thinking about you

Jungkook didn’t get a response after that. His heart was racing. A rejection would be better than nothing at all but there he was, angry, frustrated, heartbroken and teary eyed because of his best friend. He began to whimpered through his sobs. His chested clenched with each breath, his blood vessels lagging and shooting through his heart like tiny pumps of venom. He heard a knock on his door and frantically wiped his tears away with the sleeve of his black sweatshirt. His room was dim, only his desk lamp being on and he hoped the person aquanting him wouldn’t see his glazed irises.

“C-Come in.” Jungkook said still wiping the tears.

A soft figure floated through the door. “Jungkookie... are you crying?” Jimin asked walking over to him and crouching slightly to be at the sitting level Jungkook was at. He looked down away from Jimin as the last two of his tears spilled out. Jimin wiped them away with the pads of his thumbs. “I can’t stop thinking about you either Kookie... I never do.” Jimin whispered. Jungkook didn’t believe him for a second. He shook away the thought and absorbed all the pity in Jimin’s sentence without really listening. Jimin lifted Jungkook’s drowsy face by his chin and planted a soft kiss on his best friend’s face. As their lips parted Jungkook muttered under his breath, “What... is happening?”

“Jungkookie... honestly I want you so bad, I have for some time now...” Jimin breathed.

“So then do something about it you idiot.” Jungkook said chuckling away his tears.

Jimin reached his leg over Jungkook’s lap lowered himself onto his thighs carefully and cupped his hands over Jungkook’s cheeks. Jungkook was the first to quickly lean forward and pull Jimin into a kiss. One of Jungkook’s idle hands trailed up Jimin’s wrist reached for his palms and intertwined his fingers with Jimin’s bringing their clasped hands down to his sides. Their lips quarreled and begged for more from one another. Jimin’s gentle hands tugged at Jungkook’s thick black sweatshirt. He quickly pulled it off from the collar and revealed his bare torso and the two tiny birth marks on his collar bone that Jimin secretly so adored. Jimin traced them with his free hand and Jungkook suddenly lifted Jimin never breaking their connected lips. Jimin wrapped his legs around Jungkook’s hips and he placed Jimin down on his mattress. Jimin lied beneath him staring back up at him, watching Jungkook undress down to his boxers never breaking contact. 

Jungkook sighed, “...Ah Jimin, always so beautiful.” He said softly as he climbed onto the bed over the fully clothed smaller male beneath him. 

Jungkook pinned Jimin’s wrists above his head and leaned down towards his ear. “I don’t want to hear a sound from you.” Jungkook whispered. The contrast of Jungkook’s warm breath from the cold air that hit Jimin’s skin sent chills and goosebumps through his entire body. Jungkook’s lips lowered down to Jimin’s neck and had full control over his senses. Jimin held back his moans in the back of his throat. Jungkook kept sucking over the skin of his carrotted arteries until a small whimper managed to escape Jimin’s mouth. Jungkook immediately stopped.

“What did I say?” He asked, his voice now raspy with lust. Jimin’s face began to turn pink. “I-I’m sorry.” Jimin said abruptly swallow a mouth full of saliva.

“Sorry’s not gonna cut it baby.” Jungkook said. Jungkook pulled down Jimin’s grey sweatpants and his boxers along with them.

He kissed along Jimin’s V line down beneath his belly button and over his pelvis but right before he could reach Jimin’s dick he lifted his head. “So how long do you think I should make you wait to cum?”

Jimin froze realizing the situation he was in. “H-how ever long you want Kookie.” He said being the kiss up he was.

Jungkook took all of Jimin in his mouth at once, bobbing his head up and down. Jimin’s mouth lead out  gravely moans with each breach Jungkook made. Jimin sat up and ran his fingers through Jungkook’s hair. Jungkook went at the same slow antagonizing pace for just enough time to taste Jimin’s precum and immediately come to a halt with his actions. The cool air hit Jimin’s cock as Jungkook’s warm lips were no longer around it. “Wh-wha-“ Jimin started unable to formulate full words.

“Oh, were you getting ready to cum Jiminie?” He asked gently caressing Jimin’s soft blonde hair. “Mhm.” Jimin moaned to the feeling of his scalp being massaged.

Jungkook suddenly grabbed the fist full of Jimin’s hair he was just running his hands through making Jimin’s head jolt. “Ah! Ow..” Jimin said in shock. 

“It’s too bad only real good boys get to cum.” Jungkook groaned maniacally still firmly grasping his locks now standing over the smaller boy.

“B-but I am a good boy...” Jimin said.

Jungkook chuckled lightly. “Oh Jimin, you’re so beautiful and so good on the surface but you’re so dirty, fucking yourself with the door practically opened, you were just asking for me to walk in on you, you slut.” He said. Jimin was speechless. He had no idea Jungkook could be so dominant and degrading but he’d sure as hell be lying if he said he didn’t like it.

“So let me ask you, do you think you’re really a good boy?” Jungkook asked. His eyes were so dark that any functioning human would immediately respond how they knew Jungkook wanted in fear of sudden death from his intimidating nature.

“N-no.” Jimin said looking down.

“Good answer baby.” Jungkook said keeping his aura purposefully bipolar. 

He reached down and gently ran his hand over Jimin’s hard cock, alternating the sides of his finger tips that he let lightly drag across him. He then wrapped his hand around Jimin and properly began stroking up and down over his smooth dick. “When you were jerking off did you wish I had been the one doing this right now?” Jungkook questioned the closed-eyed overstimulated boy. 

“Mhm...yeah.” Jimin whimpered.

“You should have been honest baby, we would have avoided a lot of problems right now...” Jungkook wrapped his hand tigher around Jimin’s cock before finishing his sentence. “Wouldn’t we?” Jungkook said finishing his statement. Jimin’s head was too high in the clouds to respond. As Jungkook continued he began to palming himself off through his boxers. He kneeled down onto the bed behind Jimin and yanked open his nightstand drawer. He pulled out a small tube of lube and carelessly squeezed out all of it into his hand and delicately massaged it over his dick. 

“Kookie?” Jimin asked.

“Yes Angel?” Jungkook responded. 

“Please start slow.” He said. Jungkook paused and realized just how vulnerable he had made Jimin. 

“Just relax baby.” He whisper. He slowly pushed his cock into Jimin and was taken over by the feeling of Jimin surrounding him so perfectly. Jimin let out the breath he held in while bracing himself. 

The room began to fill with moans and unfinished cusses. As Jungkook pounded harder into Jimin he reached for his manhood and attempt at finally finishing him off in order to ease the pain he was feeling and intensify the pleasure. 

Jimin didn’t expect to reach his high so quickly, it snuck up on him. “Aah-I’m gonna.” Jimin was unable to finish before he came on Jungkook’ s hand and it ran over his index finger and his thumb. Jungkook pounded into Jimin one last time before pulling out. He took Jimin’s cum and rubbed it all over his dick and used it as lube to jerk himself off. Jimin sat watching him intently as Jungkook’s head dropped back in complete Nirvana and he came all over his duvet groaning in pleasure. 

The room fell silent. 

“Are you okay?” Jungkook asked scooting over and embracing Jimin.

“I’m amazing, that was amazing.” He giggled.

“Maybe we should wash up?” Jungkook asked kindly. Jimin’s eyes glistened as he took in his sweet change in tone. He loved each and every side of Jeon Jungkook and Jungkook loved him back just the same. 

“I agree.” He smiled getting up and slipping on Jungkook’s black sweatshirt he had been wearing prior to their eloping and gave Jungkook a very “how do I look?” pose. 

“Hey that's my sweate-...actually... it looks good on you.” Jungkook said cutting himself off. The sweatshirt fell just above Jimin’s knees and Jungkook admired this image, this moment in time. He quickly picked up one of the other thousands of sweatshirts in his drawer and they both slipped on shorts and headed to the showers. Despite being as intimate as two could get just moments before, Jungkook still went into a separate shower stall as Jimin. They washed up in piece not saying a word to eachother before Jimin spoke up. 

“I have a strong feeling you never finished that paper.” Jimin said.

“Nope.” Jungkook said turning off the water and hopping out. Jimin then turned off his water quickly not wanting to be left behind. As Jungkook walked past Jimin’s stall he whispered. 

“Maybe you can help me...” 

(I rly hope you guys like this it took me two weeks to write it cause I kept getting writers block in the midst of it asdjhakh but leave a like and reblog if u did)

[askalt2d]

They’re curled up together in the hospital bed– at least, 2D is curled around Stuart, who can’t really move much on account of his paralyzed leg– and both watching a film on the telly above Stuart’s bed.

“Shame they don’t do horror films ‘ere,” 2D mumbles, nuzzling his husband’s chest as he shifts a bit.

Stuart has been typing what he wants to say on 2D’s phone in order to give himself a break from signing. i guess they dont want patients getting too stressed. they monitor heart rates and stuff, it would mess with the machines if folks watched anything too scary. 

“Th-they monitor heart rates, huh? I forgot about that...” 2D’s cheeks go a bit pink.

Stuart knows exactly what he’s thinking of. thats how the doctor found out about our shenanagans last night, he types, smirking a little. but then again you always make my heart race, bluebird ❤️

“Aw, Stu...” 2D leans up and kisses him sweetly. He lingers for a while, savoring the feeling of his husband’s lips. “I miss holdin’ ya properly,” he whispers, a melancholy note in his voice. He feels Stuart’s hands shifting, and looks down at the phone.

me too. im so sorry this happened, 2D.

“Don’t apologize.” 2D carefully wraps his arms back around him with a sigh. “It was my fault anyway. I told ya to go, a-and ya went.” There’s moisture on Stuart’s chest. 2D’s eyes are watering. “God, Stu, I did this.”

“N...no.”

He sits bolt upright. “St-Stu?!”

“Not...y-your...fault.” Stuart’s voice is weak, barely audible. It sounds like dragging gravel over hot coals. But he’s speaking.

2D cups his face. “No, d-don’t– don’t talk, s-sweet’eart. It’ll only m-make your vocal chords ‘urt more...”

“Love y-you.” With that final effort, Stuart falls silent again. He raises one hand and brushes away 2D’s tears, smiling. You needed to hear that, he signs with his other hand. I needed to tell you.

“D-d-don’t pull th-that dumb shit a-again!” 2D sobs– but he’s smiling, too. He kisses his husband, clutching him as close as he can without hurting him. “I know ya love m-me, Stu. I know.” He presses their foreheads together. Stuart goes slightly cross-eyed, still trying to look at him, and 2D laughs. “I love ya, too.”

[your-not-invisible-to-me]

Moments- (Rob Benedict x Reader) PART 1

Summary: An actress on Supernatural, You and Rob are in a relationship, and recently you had revealed to him that you had been sexually assaulted in the past; and it was why you were so afraid to be intimate. But as a songwriter, another secret gets let out.

Pairing: Rob x Reader              

Word Count: 1,236

Warning: Mentions of past sexual assault, Emotional Confrontation, Language, Fluff lots of fluff

A/N: It’s 6:15 AM and I haven’t slept yet. If there are any spelling or grammar mistakes, I’m not even sorry. 

Who could have ever known that one innocent fan question at a convention would open a door in your relationship that you just weren’t ready to have opened.

“Have you ever written a song about Rob?” asked a fan; as the fandom had just recently found out about you and Rob’s relationship, even though you had been dating for nearly 7 months.

Your face immediately turned red, the answer now obviously being yes. Rob, Rich, and Matt all turned to you with a smirk on their faces.

“Um, no?” You asked, not really comfortable with where this was going. The answer was obviously yes.

“Oh c’mon that is totally a lie!” said Rich, coming up and slinging his arm around you. He didn’t notice or feel you flinch, though. Rob did, though. After everything you two had been through, he knew.

“Yeah that’s a total lie, Y/N.” said Matt, laughing.

“Okay, okay fine. I have written a song for Rob, but before you even ask Rich, there’s no way you’re hearing it!” You said, turning mostly to get his arm off of you, but playing it off with a laugh.

Rob eyes widened at the answer, not even he knew about it.

“Awe why?” asked Rich.

“Cause not even Rob’s heard it for crying out loud!” you said.

Crap.

“Wait, now I wanna hear it!” said Rob, joking around still.

All of a sudden, Billy, Stephen, and Mike walked out from behind the curtain, indicating the end of the panel.

“Ah, saved by the band. That’s our panel folks!” said Rich, as the four of us slowly navigated off stage. The three of Louden Swain remained to introduce Misha.

You tried to escape to the bathroom, knowing that R2M would hound you for an explanation.

“Oh, no you don’t.” said Matt, blocking your way into the bathroom. “I can somewhat understand why Rich and I haven’t heard this mysterious song written for Rob, but not even Rob has heard it?” asked Matt. You found yourself being pushed to the couch by the three men as they stood around you.

“Look, guys. It’s not that big of a deal! No one’s heard it! Rob, I’m sorry, but I’m asking you to respect that this I just one thing I need to keep to myself.” you said, standing up and pushing past them, leaning against a table with your back facing them.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay Y/N!” said Rob, walking up behind you, turning you to face him.

“Those two idiots will shut up, I swear. If you don’t want me to hear it, I’ll respect that.”

“Hey!” yelled Matt and Rich in defense. You just laughed at the two of them before turning back towards Rob, pulling him into a hug. “Thank you.” you whispered into his chest. He just kissed the top of your head.

“What’re you guys talking about?” asked Billy all of a sudden, entering the room with the other two guys.

“Oh we just found out that Y/N had written a song for Rob.” said Rich, casually.

“Oh, Moments? It’s a beautiful song, isn’t it!” said Billy with a smile, grabbing a water bottle and sitting down on the couch. Rob, Rich, and Matt immediately spun on their heels, facing you with wide eyes.

Crap.  

You turned to Billy.

“And thank you, for that.” you said, giving him a look. His face fell as he realized what he had done. “Sorry, forgot it was supposed to be secret.” said Billy as he slid into the sofa. You looked at the other 3 innocently.

“Billy may or may not have helped me with some chords…”

Matt and Rich turned to you, automatically bombarding you with protests of wanting to hear the mysterious song; that all of a sudden you had made into a big deal. You looked at Rob, a bit defeated. He looked sad, leaning against the wall. He thought you were past all this, he thought you were past the secrets, he thought he knew everything.

He thought you trusted him.

You sighed, holding up a hand to Matt and Rich.

“Guys, shut up.” you said, silencing them immediately. You turned to your boyfriend.

“Rob?” you asked. He looked up at you questionably.

“Remember that thing we did, that thing we talked about that we swore we would never bring up again?” Matt and Rich stepped back a bit, not realizing that an intimate line would be crossed in this conversation.

Rob tilted his head confused. Of course he knew what you were talking about, but by your request he promised never to bring up the conversation you two had ever again. He was surprised you did. Never the less, he nodded.

You reached into your pocket, pulling your phone out as well as pulling the song up on it.

“Well, it’s about that. If you want to hear it, fine. If not, well fine. But there’s no way those two are gonna be in the room when you hear it, and I don’t want to be either.”

“Oh c’mon, Billy, back us up. You’ve heard it and obviously know what it’s about!” said Matt.

Billy looked up from his phone, barely even paying attention to the conversation.

“Oh, I’m with her on this one.” Billy glanced at you and Rob, realizing that the two of you didn’t expect to be put in this position today, and the five of you others being in the room probably wasn’t helping.

“Um, fellas? Why don’t we go hang out outside for a while?” he asked as he faced Rich, Matt, Norton, and Mike. He didn’t even give RM a chance to respond before pulling them out of there, the other two trailing behind them.

You looked up at Rob, just waiting for the next word to come out of his mouth.

“I’m sorry Rob, I didn’t mean for this to come out today, let alone at all.” You slid your phone back into your pocket, sitting down.

“Hey, hey it’s okay. Really.” said Rob, coming up and kneeling in front of you. He wrapped his arms around you and just held you for a minute, stroking your back in an attempt to calm you. He knew the stakes. He let you go, facing you still.

“If it’s alright, I really would like to hear it still.” Rob reached up; wiping a tear off your face that you didn’t even realize had fallen.

You sighed, not seeing much of a point to keep this to yourself any longer. You pulled out your phone again, pulling up the song as well.

“I’m, I’m gonna go back to our room for now. I’m done for the day so, I’ll see you at the concert?” you asked, softly.

Rob smiled, leaning up to kiss you.

“I love you.” said Rob, as you walked out. He sighed, sitting on the couch and pulling his headphones out of his pocket. Knowing you, the next few minutes were definitely going to change your relationship.  

FOREVER TAGS: @laffytaffyhumor @hudine @fandom--0verdose @madame-marilyn @casgrl @nerdyfacts 

ROB TAGS: @nerdyforyourbooks @madame-marilyn

Tagging because I can lol: @88dragon06 @dont-hate-relate-pls @crowley-you-sinnamon-roll @i-dont-understand-that-url 

[jeonjagia]

30 Days- One

"Oh my God!" I groan as I see that my flight, and thousands others have been cancelled. What am I going to do now?! I was supposed to travel overseas for a business conference for my work, however with the travel ban now in place, that is not going to happen. The five hours I spent packing means nothing now. Pulling my two suitcases along, I sigh as I find a place to sit and figure out what to do. I could just go home, however my work needs to know that I was unable to make it on the flight. Pulling out my phone I find my boss' number.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Amanda? I wasn't able to make it onto the flight to Italy for the conference. I'm sorry," I apologize

"Oh, Yuna, That's okay, we just decided to make it a video call. I was about to call you."

"Oh, okay, would you like me to come in and join?"

"No," she sighs. I can visualize her running a hand through her hair, people walking hurriedly around her. The place has been busy since the president declared a national emergency. "You can go home, you have completed enough of the project for the next few days,"

Will I get paid time off? Is the question I am too afraid to ask. Amanda seems to know what's on my mind.

"You will get PTO Yuna," Sighing I acknowledge. "See you next week!" she says before hanging up. I look at my phone. I mean I know she's busy but she doesn't have to cut me off like that.

Shoving my phone back in my hoodie pocket, I stand up. Now off to home again. Rolling my luggage ebing me i walk down the airport terminal. I was so close to traveling to Italy. I sigh to myself. Oh well. Maybe when this whole sickness passes I can travel.

Pausing to pull out my earbuds, I hear raised voices.

"Our flights cancelled?!" it yells. I look up startled, trying to find where it is coming from. "But we need to get back home!" it complains. A murmur of low conversation follows. The voice doesn't seem to happy still. You and me both buddy. I think to myself as I untangle my earbuds.

"괜찮을거야," I hear another voice speak. Is it really going to be okay though? I think to myself. Freezing i realize i just translated Korean to english. We're in America. Who is speaking Korean? Curiosity getting the best of me, I inch closer to the voices, forgetting my tangled earbuds. There is a crowd of people in one spot. This must be where they are. I try to casually look in between them. A TV screen is showing cancelled flights. I feign to look at it as I inch closer.

"Hyung, we don't have anything scheduled till mid may. It's alright if we vacation a little bit in the U.S of A." a younger voice speaks up. I know that voice, I realize. To confirm my suspicions I peek between the people to catch a glimpse of a body. Yup, defiantly them I confirm, face turning red as I realize my idols are standing before me, not knowing that I'm here. What do Ido? Do I just leave and not bother them? Or say hi? They said they like meeting fans. Also why aren't there any fans here? I wonder looking around. A group of their popularity would have fans around them.

Deciding I am way too shy to meet them, I pull out my earbuds to finish untangling them. I'll just be a creep and listen to them until they move on, then I'll go home. I nod to myself.

"You know, we don't bite," a voice murmurs in my ear from behind me. I freeze on the spot, head shooting up. That's Jimin, most definitely Jimin. Too scared to turn and look, i grimace to myself thinking of what to say. you have to say something! my head yells at me.

"I didn't want to bother you," I mutter pulling on my earbud chord. Will you not come undone already?! I yell mentally to my frustrating earbuds.

"Awe," Jimin coos coming around to the front. "You aren't bothering us,  we are in a pickle ourselves," he laughs. Looking up, I confirm it is most defiantly Jimin from BTS standing in front of me. My face once more turns red. Gosh darn genes, I groan inwardly.

Upon hearing Jimin's conversation with me, the rest of the crew becomes curious, and walk over.

"Who have you found?" Rm asks. "An ARMY," JImin replies, eyes smiling.

"Oh?" RM says stepping forward. "An ARMY?" he questions looking at me.

"Hi," I reply sheepishly.

"Hi," he responds giving me a kind smile. "You don't seem like the crazy ARMY's," he says brows furrowing.

"No," I shake my head, "I'm a shy one."

"And a red one," Yoongi laughs at my tomato face. I knew this would happen. I groan to myself.

"Awe, shes cute," Taehyung says stepping into view, showing his boxy smile.

"So why are you here?" Jin asks in English.

"Oh," I sigh, "I had a business conference in Italy that the flight got cancelled because of the travel ban, so now they're moving it to a video conference."

"Don't you need to be there?" RM asks.

"No," shaking my head, "my boss said to take the next few days off to be safe," I inform them. They nod in acknowledgement. Deciding its best to leave them at that, "okay, it was amazing meeting you finally, but I'll be heading home and not bothering you anymore," I state, gathering my things. As I start to head off, a voice stops me.

"Where do you think you're going?" The low rumble causing me to freeze. Jimin must have followed me. Turning, I reply, "home?" I watch as he shakes his head. "We just met you." he says slyly. He comes around and takes my luggage from me, my arms dont reply in time.

"Hey!" I protest weakly. He smiles at me as he moves away back toward the other guys. "That's my stuff!" I argue putting emphasis on the my . I follow him as he walks backwards. "Yeah?" he challenges. Setting my jaw, I didn't realize Jimin would be such a nuisance. "Give it to me," I say, lowering my voice as I grab the handle of my luggage. Jimin holds on, watching as I try to pry it from his grasp.  I can feel him laughing at me.

"Jimin, can you like...not?" I sigh getting frustrated as I straighten.

"Come on jagi, don't you want to be with us?" he coos, the pet name causing me to cringe.

"Do not call me jagi, and I would, but life is life," I reply grabbing the handle once more. Jimin looks surprised that I know what the word jagi means, but shakes off his emotion to return to his brat self.  He pouts as he pulls my luggage closer to his body.

"Oh, here we go," Jin mutters rubbing his forehead. Has this happened before? I wonder, noticing Jin's actions. How do I beat Chim at his own game? I think, eyes squinting. Aegyo. Is my answer.

Pulling my face into a pout, i stomp my foot making a whimper noise. The boys look surprised, "Chimmy, I need my luggage," I whine shaking my head. That got him. His face erupts into an eye smile as he laughs at my aegyo. Taking the distraction, I lunge and pull my suitcase out of his weakened grip. His face falls into seriousness. "That's not fair," he complains realizing he had been duped.  

"Gotta play dirty to get what you want," I shrug pulling my luggage closer. Jimin shakes his head running a hand through his hair. "Won't you stay for a little bit?" he asks, facade cast aside. I sigh at his persistence. "Jimin, I have a job, much like you, and a home that I need to get back to,"

"Do you have any pets you need to care for?" he asks suddenly, crossing his arms. Thinking, i reply, "yes, a lizard," i say slowly.

"Get someone to care for it," he says shortly.

"Jimin, Michi needs special care that not anyone knows about," I watch as Jimin's face is confused. I forgot I named my bearded dragon after G-Dragon's MichiGo meaning "go crazy". I wanted something short and meaningful, and Michi came out of it.

"Why did you just use crazy?" he asks, brows furrowing.

"Because I named him after G-Dragon's MichiGo," I reply. "Isn't there someone who can take care of him?" he asks. Sighing, I realize Jimin won't let go on this. Pulling out my phone, I call my roomate, telling her I won't be home tonight and leaving her instructions on what to do for Michi. While I'm talking, I glare at Jimin, he, however, just smiles satisfied back at me. Rolling my eyes as I hang up, I lightly punch him in the gut as I pass him pulling my luggage along.

"This better be good," I mutter. He groans in his act but soon follows me. "Yes," he says victoriously pumping his fist a little as I walk in the direction the rest of the boys are traveling.

[youreyeslooklikecoming-home]

something no one asked for but you still get

It’s almost the end of the decade, so let’s reflect on it

October 25, 2010 - was waiting 2 days until my birthday to get the ‘new Taylor Swift CD’. Still young and naive to my destined, undying love for Taylor and the need to listen to new music the second it’s released

December 25, 2011 - My mom surprised me with the Speak Now Tour CD/DVD after not being able to go to tour cause we were on family vacation at the time

December 25, 2011 onwards - LITERALLY watched the speak now tour DVD every night before bed. I’m not even joking. I could tell you anything about it. And am fully perform the hair flip better revenge dance

Sometime in between, our theories on roses cause she kept posting roses everywhere. I remember the one photo distinctly, it was a trellis with these beautiful pink roses on it. Shame on us for not focusing on the red shoes more.

August 13, 2012 - I was working as a camp counselor at a day camp. I forgot my key inside my house and my mom went out and locked the door. It was almost time for the livestream. I ran to my aunts house to watch what became the announcement for red.

The countdown!!! I don’t even remember how I looked at it cause I sure didn’t have Instagram. Maybe Taylor connect? TAYLOR CONNECT what a time that was. But the countdown was everything.

I have this distinct memory of using my good ol blackberry to listen to the song red on repeat when it came out as a single. I dont even know how I would’ve gotten music on that thing. My friend and I would share the earbuds and we’d just listen to it on repeat during class

October 22, 2012 - Spent the day home ‘sick’ cause my parents didn’t quite understand my love for Taylor yet. Spent the entire day listening to the lyrical masterpieces of the decade

June 15, 2013 - went to my first ts tour (red tour YAY) cried. danced. laughed. cheered. died.

June 16, 2013 - my cousin called me to tell me how her friend got to touch Taylor’s hand in the audience and I was so jealous!!!

October 27, 2014 - my birthday!! I had an exam that day, but I spent the entire day listening to 1989 instead because immediately obsessed and couldn’t turn it off. That night, I had a party with friends, as we listened to the CFlD over and over

June 20, 2015 - Taylor started following me on tumblr!! I didn’t notice until an hour after cause I was at a friends party. I started crying and everyone thought I was weird 🙃

October 3, 2015 - 1989 tour Toronto. We dressed up as the 4 previous albums. I was speak now Taylor and wore the infamous dear john dress. Someone from Taylor nation recognized us and took a photo of us that ended up on Taylor’s website. I don’t think I’ve ever screamed fifteen as loud as I did that night, and there was a dad beside me was a little (probably a lot) annoyed with my shrieking and horrendous dancing

October 10, 2015 - My first Taylor likes. I just put my phone down to go to sleep, but my phone kept buzzing, and what do ya know, she liked my face

August 21, 2017 - I remember exactly where I was when I got the notification. ‘Taylor Swift has posted’. The one where yiur heart skips a beat cause she had just deleted all of her posts and you know she’s coming back with something good. Dragon?? Snake?? Eclipse?! Love that for us

I was nannying this summer so I was able to stay on top of her posting and was literally there within minutes of each post. I don’t think I have ever had such a thrilling time

AND THE BOOSTS omg. I forgot about this. I watched those at&t commercials and can still recite majority of it. The fight sequence will forever hold a huge space in my heart. And I’m still mad that rep didn’t include a song that started with ‘1, 2, 3’ while she strummed the guitar

November 10, 2017 - I took the day off work, cause what other option did I have? I remember being so tired that Thursday night and having a power nap so I could stay up and celebrate reps release and listen more than once. I still remember the feelings each song provoked - I was so surprised when end game started but in the best way. Hearing delicate for the first time was life altering. The vocoder used so meaningfully and perfectly in so many songs. King of my heart!!! TIWWCHNT! A bop!! So it goes, so sexy!!! And dress!! New Year’s Day - instant tears. All. So. Good. The next day I drove and drove by myself and I drove and picked up friends and then I drove with my boyfriend and listened to rep all day!!!

August 3&4 2018- going to the rep tour two nights in a row. Going with my boyfriend of 5 1/2 years for the first time!! Then baying bank for myself to go alone the second night. Being front row for come back be here??? Getting to see the show from two different angles? Life changing. My two most favourite nights I’ve ever experienced

2019 - all of the magazine articles focusing on self help, self love, supporting minorities, supporting people!!! The countdown!!! LOVER!!!!! The song lover!!!! She is thriving!!! We are thriving!!!!!!!!!

August 23, 2019 - the most life changing album. This was the first release since speak now I didn’t spend online. Well I did but not until later. I really took my time to listen and journal about each song that I listened to. My reactions, what I loved, mostly it’s just me screaming on a page. But I’m so happy i have those written memories. Then I came on tumblr and freaked with you gems. Also took the day off work (tay liked a post about me doing this??!!) and spent the whole day listening and learning the words and guitar chords and how to play some one the piano. Just instant love for my album of the decade

I’m just so proud of Taylor for all of her achievements and accolades this decade. She deserves it all. She deserves all of the love and support she has and I am so excited for what’s next for us

This last decade has been everything. I’m so excited for the next, with @taylorswift

[ayaaaswiftiee-blog]

the full video is in youtube, theres a link at my profile..if you wanna watch it..

warning, long ass caption ahead >

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • December 13th, 1989. a legend was born. Dear, Taylor Alison Swift. I dont know how should i start, because theres so many things i wanna thank you. I was a little kid when i first saw you, at TV. It was showing the top10 hitz on the radio. And you were the first with the song " fifteen " . My sister said " why is it always taylor swift being the first one " and started from her words, i started to search things about you. I started searching up on youtube, taylor swift. Before then, youtube allowed copyrighted music i guess? because there were TONS of lyric videos of ur songs. Some was even animated too! i clicked EVERY lyric song because i started to knew that, ur song was what is, me. myself. i loved it. I was little, i didnt know about this album and all all i knew that i loved and adore you. When i search up more about you, i found out that you wrote all that songs and played the guitar. I was even more inspired. I listened to ur songs everyday. i didnt have a phone when u was a kid, i only had my dads laptop. I jammed to ur music, yes, from my dads laptop. I always use my dads laptop just for listening to ur music. I was a dreamer, i liked to imagine i was the one singing ur songs while playing the guitar. Never grow up, was the reason why i wanted a guitar SO BAD. i wanted to play the song. I wanted to be like you. I kept asking my mom for a guitar, at first, my mom didnt really agreed as she knew im gonna get bored of it. But then, one magical day, i was sitting in the car waiting for my mom and dad buying stuffs. And i saw her walk out the shop, WITH A GUITAR. I WAS NEVER SO HAPPY IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. i mean, i can finally be like taylor swift!!! I screamed the hell out of my joy. But somehow, i was busy with my reality again. I forgot about you and my mom was right, i was gonna get bored of it. My dreams slowly faded as the guitar was so hard to learn and hurts a LOT. But then, i was not busy, i was opening youtube and finally with my own phone. I saw you again. You were alll at my youtube page cuz the last time i went on youtube was only about you. So it came back to memories and realized why i wanted the guitar. because i wanted to be like you. I started to find chords thats easy with ur songs. But somehow it was hard for me so i played with my friends and they taught me how to play. I learned the guitar with the song impossible by james arthur. And when i finally mastered that, i moved on with ur song. Jump and Fall, as the first song from you i played on my guitar. I struggled, but i managed. Then i moved on with teardrops on my guitar and moved on to love story and it goes on. I remember, when i was a kid hearing ur songs, i couldnt relate. Because i was a kid, i didnt have a boyfriend or any love story. But i enjoyed it. And the songs where isnt about love, made me love you even more. The songs helped me. Helped me to go through life. I was alone, horrified and scared. But with ur songs and knowing that ur alive giving people meaning to their lives, brightens up my world. You were the one who helped me to get through. I realized why i idolize you so much because everythung about u takes interest in me. Ur songs tells stories and i love writing stories. And ur writing skills made me even more wanted to be like you. You were an inspiration. What i am now, is because of you. I remember when i grew up.. i learned more about you. about the albums, tour, interviews and everything. I was upset that i didnt knew this earlier but i didnt care because it was never too late. I always wondered as a child. why is there different photos when i download ur song like the song speak now and fearless. They had different photos and both of them is written with the song name. I was confused. But i learned, and knew it was the album. It actually made me smile how i thought i was progressing. But that wasnt enough. One day, my friend turned on taylor swift on the radio. I screamed and sang. And my other friend was shocked and said " wait ur a swiftie too??? omfg im a swiftie too!!! shes soooo beautiful " at first i was shocked too. Not because he was a swiftie, because of the beautiful part. Its not that taylor isnt beautiful, its because i never focused on her looks. All i was into was her passion and her inspiring sides. I never took the time to look how she looks. It shocked me to know that im loving her not because how shes beautiful. I love her because of what she has done to me. All this time, i was only looking at the wonderful things she did and was inspired. I loved her even more when i focused on her looks this time. she was goals af. Her outfit was also my taste!! I always cry when i hear her name or watching her live on someones ig post. Because i know that i wont be able to join the tour. But thats never gonna let me down because i know your out there. I wanted to thank, taylor. As im crying while writing this. You made me realize how i should manage my life. You showed me how to live life and you were there when i needed to cry. Eventhough ur far away from me, but with ur musics, just makes me feel closer to you. Theres so many things i wanna thankyou..but i dont think i should spill it out all of them. Im still hoping to meet you in real life, and finally thank you properly and EVERYTHING. Thankyou. for making me happy. for making me laugh. for making me cry with ur songs. being there for me. and finally, thankyou for existing.

Happy Birthday, Taylor Swift.