#I FUCKING LOVE YUMING LI

[starishsky]

free day / the museum

[rennsdeaddoves]

Fanfic Summary List

ight here we go, the colour of the name is an indecation of the rating, if you need a refresher go to my pinned post.

all of the summaries are under the cut (cause this post got way long) enjoy going through them and seeing what my muddle singular cell'd brain has come up with!

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Let Me Give the Wold to You - Dragon Ball Super

Beerus x adopted dauhter oc (we love a good found family)

Summary; was it a blessing or a curse that led all of them to this? Chance or fate that made Zeno decree all destroyers should have children of their own after Goku took Goten to them. Because whether or not Beerus and Whis know it, they saved her life. 

Nishiyama Yume was one push away from death, she was balancing on that fine line waiting for the gust to blow her over, for her to rot six feet under. But it didn’t happen… she was taken away before it could, saved before the drugs could shut her down permanently. Shown compassion and nurtured as she should have been before the despair got to her. 

And now she brings life to the table, she’ll fight for what she has, or at the very least die trying but Beerus won’t let that happen. He’s fought too hard for her to leave him now, he doesn’t want this all to be a waste of time… or is it more than that?

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Queen Consort - Dragon Ball Z/Super

Freiza x oc that turns into vegeta x oc

oc is the daughter of King Cold's favourite concubine and allows her to have a child with a Sayian man of his choosing to make the perfect Concubine for his son. Freiza initially wants nothing to do with her but keeps her around cause his father asked then he realizes that maybe she is good for her intended purpose and a very toxic romance with Freiza starts. it isn't until the birth of their son Kuriza that she realizes something is very wrong when Freiza won't even let her see the child. she runs, and crashes on earth where she is found by Vegeta. things progress from there.

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This Never Ending Nightmare we must Call Life - Little Nightmares

Thin man X oc

Summary; the Maw was where they lived and where they were supposed to die. But fate had another idea and kept one alive. Those on the Maw named her Key as they thought she was the key to saving them all from this twisted world. However, a strange signal pulses in her head and she is drawn to the land, heading for a place with towering buildings and pale skies;

Key makes a journey that should have never been made in the first place. 

if you like gaslighting this is the fic for you.

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We Say When We've Run Out of Time - The Incredibles

Syndrom (Buddy Pine) X OC

no summary for it yet, but we have Amnisa, strangers - friends - lovers, and all that good stuff (including child experimentation!)

basically oc is a goverment project aiming at bringing back supers but she manages to escape only to lose her memory and end up washed up on Syndrom's island where he then takes her in.

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Rising to Our Fate - Princess Mononoke

Ashitaka x oc (yes I age him up)

Summary; working on it

basically there is a second Emishi settlement, one that has a princess. this princess is paired with Ashitaka and when nago comes she banishes herself with her husband  

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Let Me Go - It (2017)

Pennywise x OC

don't got a summary for this one but basically, back when Derry was first a settlement a group of boys tried to kill it but failed. one of the boys sisters came into its abode to check for her brother but instead all she found was thing fading ball of light.

turns out the dead lights split and reproduced after this latest feast but some were incredibly weak and regurgitated from the form. this dying dead light found this girl and made her its host.

now hundred of years later she returns to Derry Main to see what is calling to her.

(basically i just summoned all my monster fucker energy to put into this one cause we got some fucked up smut in this)

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Lies on your Tongue, Poison in My Blood - Halloween

Micheal Myers x OC

Summary; they were friends before the incident, then she forgot somehow, forgot him, them, their promise, Haddonfield, everything. But somehow she turns up in the Sanitarium, with him… 

He would remind her, whether she wanted to remember or not, he would make her remember, she needed to. So Micheal took her, and now they're both on the run and wanted.   

Micheal has a childhood friend who ends up at smiths grove too just without her memory and he takes her away. just some cute stalker / yandere behaviour here!

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Wait No Longer - Cult of the Lamb

Narinder (the one who waits) x oc

no summary, however! oc is a child of the sky (this will make sense when i explain later) she falls into Narinders domain and he finds that she actually can't die, she is untouchable by him. so he keeps her around and that about as far as i got! i just no that cute shit happens in this!!

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Determination of the Forsaken - Kung Fu Panda

Tai Lung x OC

oc is a celestial dragon of the zodiac, she falls from the heavens and loses her divine memory. Oogway finds her takes her in and teaches her.

even though this is a pretty old story (as in its been in the works for a while) that about all i got on it (srry)

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Queen's Reign - Solo Leveling

Baek Yoon-Ho x OC

Summary; Getting an E-ranking is sometimes called a blessing in disguise. Sure you won't make as much money or really be noticed but you still have the options that other hunters do. Go Ha-rin knows these options all too well and has decided to take a quiet office position at the White Tigers guild taking on the occasional E or D-rank dungeons with her closest friend Sung Jin-Woo. 

When Ha-rin finally meets the guild master by accident she realizes that it was her old high school crush, suddenly a lot of feelings are returning and she sets her sights on finally getting that date she promised herself all those years ago. 

Though, while she is pursuing love, something continues to brew in both the shadows and the light. Will Ha-rin be ready for what is coming? Can she handle the power required? 

guys solo leveling is amazing go and read it, especially for the beefy tiger man pls

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And No One Saw it Coming - Puss in boots the last wish

Death x Oc

Summary; Kitty and Perrito get to Puss while he is still stuck in the cave of souls, while death still hunts him down like a cat would a mouse, or a wolf would a cat. 

In the ensuing scuffle, the three find out that even Death can have a wish, when Goldie and Jack are dealt with, they actively seek Death out and ask if they can somehow help grant his wish. If they can help find who he longs to see again. 

Of course, Lobo scoffs at them. He’s a very busy wolf and doesn’t have the time for this, but something in the back of his mind won't stop gnawing at him and eventually, he caves, Accepting the tabi’s offer for help. 

i add some stuff, give lobo some siblings and a lot of family drama, and puss is still puss.

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Memories of Gold - genshin impact

this one is actually already up on my a03 so if your interested check it out here

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There are no Strings on Me - Genshin Impact

Scaramouch x Oc

Summary; puppets are controlled by strings attached to their joints. Everything about them is under the control of the puppet master. 

But what happens when the one discarded by their creator, meets the one that was set free with no knowledge of the world? 

Is his need to protect her an obligation or a cry for something he wishes he had when he was let go, someone that would have guided him through the world and taught him what needed to be taught? 

its been so long since i actually worked on this one, all i remember was that it was angsty as FUCK

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Frost Born - Genshin Impact

Il Dottore x OC

Summary; Life is maddening. So Il Dottore decided he’d be one step ahead of life by being even more unpredictable, it’s worked so far. Or so he likes to think it has anyway. 

But how long can he keep up before he breaks into pieces?   

Life is punishing. So Aleksandra decided that she would keep her head down and bend to anyone so she didn’t get hurt any more than she had to. Though it never worked. 

How long could she keep living like a rat?  

so i started writing this when all i had to go off of was webttore, so its been through some workshoping ever since Sumeru.

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Drown Me in that Deep Abyss - Black Panther / Wakanda Forever

Namore x OC

another with no summary, but oc is a mutant, her mutation is that when her body is immersed in water she becomes a siren and she needs to feed on blood to sustain herself properly. her mother was a wakandan spy but quit cause of her father so she goes to her mother's home in an exchange program being done at Professor X school and gets taken in by the royal family.

[comingyourlugubriousness]

The Diamond in the Rough and the Boy without a Fairy

OK JUST COMPLETED PART 2!!!

And I have so many things I just want jot dot down my reactions to some of the lines

• Obviously the Legend of Zelda quotes 💕💕

THE CONNECTION BETWEEN BOTH HOW BOTH TDRBF AND SORTED INTO SAVANACLAW CONNECTS WITH EACH OTHER THROUGH OUT THE STORY! I know it would've been inevitable for it to happen BUT STILL! The mention of Jack's injury...ahh I hope he feels better

I SWEAR TO JEBUS FROM PART 1 AND PART 2 THESE GODDAMN PAUSES

MAKE ME LAUGH MY ASS OFF. IT CATCHES ME OFF GAURD SO MUCH!

"Sebek was yelling his head off, arguing with Silver that HE should be teaching him proper riding teaching instead. Pause." LIKE...PUMPKIN☠️☠️

Also LITTLE CRUSH CRUSH WITH KALIM!? I mean shit I would too- ANYWAYS! That's so cute! Idia is probably kind of grumbling at the thought though

HE WOULD LOWKEY BE LIKE: Hmph it's always the rays of sunshine that captures your attention... LIKE THE JELLY MF HE IS I KNOW IT!

AUGH YUME AND KALIM'S DYNAMIC!!!!!!!!

VARGAS IF YOU DONT SHUT YO CRIMSON CHIN LOOKING ASS UP AND LET YUME AND KALIM HUG!!! 

Ok KALIM JUST GO ON AND MAKE ME CRY WHY DON'T YOU!

Goddamn Azul it is not the time 

I FORGOT I WAS STILL HOLDING MY BREATH FROM THE WHOLE YUME ALMOST DYING THING

The chat logs will always remain superior throughout this story

BLUE HAIRED MALEWIFE!?☠️☠️

YES MORE HERCULES QUOTES! 🥰💕💕

IDIA DON'T LAUGH AT YUME'S INTEREST!

Idia bud...you need to watch what you say lowkey.

OOF YUME IS HITTING WAYYYY TOO CLOSE TO HOME

Oh…..Oh no..

*Chapter 6 flashbacks*

MY. FUCKING. JAW

YUME NOOOOOOOOOOO😭😭😭

PUMPKIN HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!?

HOW AM I GOING TO RECOVER FROM THIS!?

NO DON’T YOU DARE LEAVE OFF WITH THAT QUOTE!!!!

IDIA GET YOUR SKINNY ASS UP AND APOLOGIZE OMFG…

I am still not ok after that THAT HURT MY HEART! PUMPKIN YOU ABSOLUTE MENACE I LOVE YOU BUT YOU ALMOST MADE ME CRY LOWKEY!

I NEED TO LIKE MENTALLY PREPARE MYSELF FOR PART 3!😭

BUT THIS WAS SO AMAZING!!!!!!!!💕💕💕

I'm so invested in this story like...YOU HAVE NO IDEA!

AHHH THANK YOU THIS MEANS SO MUCH TO ME!!!! <3333

comments and such under the cut bc its long:

• The Legend of Zelda quotes were painstakingly hand chosen with love! I had that and the Hercules script pinned in my tabs for 2 months lol and I had like 3 docs separate to keep everything in order! And fun fact: their mostly in order of how they appear in the game, meaning they follow the actual game chronologically! ^^

OF COURSE! @bunnwich was the one who motivated and inspired me to write this. I'd never written fanfic before this, just stuff for OCs. It was really something!

You can blame a certain Youtuber for the 'Pause" jokes. It's literally a part of my daily vocab and I woudln't be me if I didn't put my humor, memes, and inside jokes into the writing. (After all, I wrote it with the mindset that only Bun would read it ^^). I'm glad you share my silly humor!

The pairs for the PE part were actually chosen somewhat carefully by me! I tried to think based on character relationships, personal stories and clubs, which 1st years and second years would actually want to pair up with each other!

Yume's and Kalim's relationship is important to me. I'd love to explore it more because there are more layers to it!

#VARGAS WITH YO CRIMSON CHIN, SHORT, LOBSTER LOOKING, STEAK HANDS, ASS lol

I took care writing Kalim! I wanted to show his growth and his reflection after chapter 4. Sometimes I feel people write him a certain way. I don't think he's naive about things as people always think he is. Especially when it comes to people's emotions. The fact that he wasn't able to see through Jamil's lies isn't a fault on Kalim, Jamil is just that good of a liar/ that good at masking his true feelings. but I'm rambling.

Meme voice: I don't care for Azul. (Yet there are aspects of his character that foil Yume's so interestingly.)

AHAHA yeah yume's big day for sure.

Chat logs are the only way I have communicated with people close to me so I drew from my own chat experience, but still wanted them to be understandable.

is Idia not a malewife?

Ahh yes the...climax of this part was something I had been waiting to get to and wanting to explore. I won't get to into it here.

Idia is notorious for saying shit bluntly and without thinking about it, I feel because he doesn't think about how someone could intemperate his words. He knows what he means so he thinks automatically that the other person should too. Bc its "logical" thinking. (lets just say he's not a reliable narrator)

I got to explore lots of interesting things with Yume here, and I'm glad it impacted you so much! Making people feel the intended emotions, or any really is high praise! It affected me as well when I wrote it because...well like you said it can hit close to home for some people.

I HAD to use that quote.

Please take your time!!! I hope you keep sharing your thoughts with me, I love to hear your comments and feedback!!

I'm glad you are invested. <33333

[evan-vamp-hiphopswag]

Stuff about Evan.

I like Strawberries, not the taste, just the shape, how they look, the color

I like sharks

I like all these animals:

I like cute things

I like animes about cute/wierd girls/mahou shoujo, better if they are psychological like Serial Experiments but I also love animes like DoReMi

☆Animes I like

- Serial Experiments Lain

- Evangelion

- DoReMi

- Lucky Star

- One Piece

- TriGun

- One Punch Man

- Umaru-Chan

- Osomatsu-san

- Madoka Magica

- Power Puff Girls Z

- Tokyo Mew Mew

- Keep your hands of Eizouken

- Fairy Tale

- Elfen Lied

☆Cartoons I like

- Adventure Time

- Over the garden Wall

- South Park

- Invader Zim

- MLP

☆Movies I like

I like blood, the color red and blue also green but only if it looks earthy and brown

I like games like Yume Nikki, Hollow Knight and Unpacking

I like to read stuff like Homestuck, cute Manga, and deep psychological (religious trauma, cults, gore and more fun stuff) I also like to collect books that play with it's format like the book Meow, I like it when the book plays with the pages (My favorite books are Veil Kotteri, the Doukyuusei series and the book thief )

I like to do silly tests

I like web coding

I like old Media and I feel like everything after 2010 is fucking boring. I sadly have to live with this stupid modernity

I hate TikTok, Twitter and Intagram, I do have and Instagram account but I'm planning to leave as soon as find a way to keep up with my favourite acc's in tumblr or spacehey.com

I can't stand series, only if they are cartoon do I watch them, my favourite media genre are Movies, the only series I gladly watch is Good Omens and maybe Star Trek (And Prince of Belair bc it holds a special place in my heart)

I love Tabletop games, cards, DnD, Risk all that

I happen to like Spideypool alot but I have no interest in any other super heros just the Spiderman multiverse

I like Jesters and clowns

I like Funny looking Sun Glasses and Hats

I like Garfield, Koupenchan and Miffy

For some reasong I adore the shadow wizard money gang

I like balconies and tiny glass rooms

My Favorite Things (Ehem autisim Ehem Ehem)

Homestuck, Omori, MLP, Adventure Time, Over the garden Wall, South Park, DoReMi, ☆Devil by Urano000, Yume Nikki, Invader Zim, Sharks, Strawberries (hate the taste), Biology (Love marine life), Tech, Music, Web Surfing n' Cryptids

My autisim foods foods□Takis-Spring Onion-Lettuce-Onions-Potatos-Cheese-Egg- Waffles-Minced Meat-Bacon-Pasta-Tomato and Cream Sauce-Gyozas-Rice-Nuggets-Curry-Kebab Meat-Flour Tortillas-Spring rolls

Obsucre and unknown movies and media

Cristianity and religious subjects, I admirate praying

Slavic, Germanic and Hispanic Culture

[almateantales]

If you're not Yume, fuck off.

(This book seems to have some kind of enchantment, but it's still readable.)

Date: June 30th, year XX42.

I'll have you know, I don't like writing. I believe that if you want to say something, you should just go and say it, so you don't set whatever you made for the world to see. I don't want people trying to figure the kind of person I was by reading my stuff. That being said, this is me making an exception. Only you should read this, Yume. If anyone else reads this, close the book and fuck you. I'm going to put a spell on it so it spits on your face or something. You piece of shit.

Otherwise, hello Yume.

I'm going straight to the point. I'm writing this only for your eyes to see. If something would ever happen to me, this is for you to keep, to remember me. Can't have you living who knows how many years just thinking about me as some distant memory, y'know? Would be a shame, I am not someone who's okay with being forgotten.

I was trying to recall the first time I came here, after you worked your magic on me. Back then everything just felt strange, borderline unbelievable. Like some sick joke someone was being played on me all of a sudden. I don't remember much of my time as a literal dead person, as there really isn't any conception of time in that state to begin with. It was mostly an emotionless experience. I had no care in the world, and only when life came back to me I felt like I was better off dead, wich is ironic actually.

Suddenly I was in a new place with a proper roof above my head, with clean fancy clothes and no service was asked of me in return. Apparently all of this was a gift from an elegant lady I tried to court while dead, and such a good courtship it seemed to be. Sorry, by the way. I lied when I told you the memory was clear as yesterday. It was actually super blurry, but I did recognize you back then. That aside, you probably know that for me, this was absolutely fucking crazy. All that stuff... didn't feel real, nor earned. I was already thinking how death would come to take me again. But then you talked about some stuff that happened to you, and you seemed so broken. You were angry I think, but in a sad way. I can't remember if I did anything in response back then. Should I have hugged you or something? I doubt I was able to think about it. Then, after that it just was... Difficult, to think of you as some naive rich lady who just decided to revive me on a whim. I used to think you only did it to feel better about yourself, because that's what most people do. But everything about you seemed so genuine, I couldn't bring myself to be hostile. Eventually it just felt better, and the strange feeling turned into simple gratitude, though I wouldn't say that directly. I was always a little bitch when it came to feelings after all, you of all people know that.

The point is, I'm trying to recall some stuff that you might not know yet, so this would actually have some value apart of serving as a diary, because that's just frivolous to be honest. At least it should have real value for both of us. I will be adding more stuff until this book is filled, that would be a good place to stop anyway. It's not like I am that wordy, and I do have time to fill this up for you eventually. So you better be grateful!

Just. I hope you like it. If you read it before I die, I will find out. Then I'll bite you.

I adore you with all my being, I hope you know that. I love you, Yume.

[reneesi]

i never would have thought // CH.12

WRITTEN PORTION

“Okay now just smile!” (Y/n) called out, a smile spreading from cheek to cheek as the shutter clicked once more. Suga and Daichi were standing in front of the large decorative fountain that had just been built in the middle of the park as a part of some new art installation. Behind them, Noya had jumped in, sticking out his tongue as he jumped into photobomb the couple.

(Y/n) there her head back, laughter round and big in the warmth of the midday sun.

“Yo! Bro! You should have told me you were gonna get in there, I would have done it with you!” Tanaka roared, coming up behind Nishinoya and crashing a heady arm around his shoulders as he ruffled his hair.

“It was an in-the-moment thing, man! You should have just followed my lead!” Nishinoya defended, reaching up to swat away Tanaka’s hand with a smile.

“Those two have such a special bromance..” Shoyo sighed, hand over his heart in a feigned state of longing. (Y/n) snickered, bringing up her lease and calling out to Suga and Daichi who, despite no picture being taken, were still holding each other in the close position (Y/n) had posed them in. As the shutter clicked, (Y/n) finally replied,

“Aww it’s okay buddy, someday you and Kageyama will find it in yourselves to resolve your ungodly amount of sexual tension and you will finally be able to be regular friends.”

Shoyo let out a sound somewhere between a snort and a swallowed scream.

“Ha ha, very funny.” Shoyo finally replied, back now facing his aforementioned cousin.

“Oops, did I hit too close to home.” (Y/n) teased, pausing to glance over at Shoyo as a smirk pulled at her lips. But as soon as she saw him, the smirk fell, because in that moment Shoyo just so happened to be looking over at the Daichi and Suga and in his eyes, (Y/n) could see real longing, an honest desire she’d never seen beneath his expressions before. There was something missing from him, a puzzle piece she couldn’t name.

“Wait..” (Y/n) whispered cautiously, glancing back and forth between the upperclassmen and her cousin for a long minute. The cogs began to turn inside her skull and as she began putting pieces together her brows began to rise.

“Wait a fucking minute are you in love with Sugawa-“

In (Y/n)’s defense, she had been whispering, but that didn’t stop Shoyo from reaching over and punching her arm with an incredulous look crossing his eyes.

“What the fuck (Y/n)?!” Shoyo hissed, now glaring “Of fucking course not.”

“Ouch,” (Y/n) frowned, rubbing at the sore spot on her arm before mumbling an apology and pulling up her camera to eye level once more. She took a few more pictures, using the silence to fuel her internal detective machine as she tried to figure out what that distinct look across Shoyo’s face could have meant. If not Suga, maybe Daichi, but then again if that’s how he’d reacted then it couldn’t be either and it’s not like he’d ever treated them as anything other than fo-parents.

“Wait.” (Y/n) froze, lowering her lens as she turned her head towards Hinata, eyes wide.

“Do you actually have feelings for K-“

Again, in her defense (Y/n) was STILL whispering! But that hadn’t mattered in the slightest to Shoyo, who had reached up to cover his cousin's mouth with a harsh palm as his face heated up to a boiling red. (Y/n) threw up her hands in surrender, cackling internally at how painfully obvious her poor cousin was.

“Please for the love of god, shut the fuck up.” Shoyo hissed out, scowling up at (y/n) in an attempt to hide his sheer embarrassment. (Y/n) only smiled from beneath his palm, pointing to their surrounding teammates who were beginning to notice something was going on. Shoyo scrambled to release her.

“Yo, babygirl, is your cousin giving you trouble?” Nishinoya called out from on top of Tanaka’s shoulders. Unfortunately, before (Y/n) had even had a chance to open her mouth, murder had flashed across Shoyo’s eyes.

“WhaT dID YOU JUST CALL HER?” Shoyo screeched, snapping a violent glare over to the pair of second years. Nishinoya let out a squeak as Tanaka dropped him to the ground with a simple,

“You’re on your own buddy.”

Noya only had about 5 seconds total before Shoyo had taken off after him, leaving a trail of dust behind in an almost cartoonish way.

Later that afternoon, once all wrongs had been righted thanks to some good old friendly ice cream, (Y/n) had caught Shoyo’s eyes from across the group and had raised her brows suggestively. She was his cousin after all, teasing him to death was kind of her job. He only mouthed one thing in repose,

“Later.”

CH.12 II the kags initiative

A/N: Okay so unfordable the past year was absolute hell. My life was already kind of a mess when I started this story but around chapters 8-9 things started to get even worse and while I tried to keep writing it was really hard. But I've been given things time, and I took a really nice long break and I know it's been a year but I really wanna finish this story. I'm gonna try and finish this story by the end of the summer, I don't think I'll stick to an uploading schedule because I don't wanna put pressure on myself but I will keep my tags list open! Thank you all for your patience, I promise I'll make the wait worth it :)<3

previous I next

MASTERLIST

Tagslist: @domtamaki @kodzu-ken @clowninfortodoroki @kageyamasbabygorl @miya-yume @chaelysian @kittyddandnyla @chaseyui @it-was-just-a-ship @naorii-chan @chaoticalybiased @otodiie @aristatrois@iamthepenguinwhosearseisonfire @raineedayze @freyafolkvangr @amanemisamisa @cleopatera @tskeiki @charliefredb ​@just-snog-already @kakaokenma ​@kageyamasgirl ​@sana-li ​@hxked @fi16ns @deephumandragonperson @leviathans-watching @animeanxiety

[gizkasparadise]

cdrama rec: goodbye, my princess

Master drama rec list.

Series: goodbye, my princess / the eastern palace Episodes: 52 (regular) 55 (director’s cut--this is the version i watched) Genres: tragedy, romance, train wreck, historical, political, costume porn, scenery porn Spoilers in the Rec: for the set-up If You Like, You’ll Like: “what are you going to do, stab me?” says man stabbed, moon lovers but make it worse, empress ki, a show where literally every love confession ends with someone using a knife, a v fucked up deconstruction of the “runaway princess” trope

Rank: 9.5/10

^ yes this looks v. healthy, soak those clothes in the cold water of the river styx it’ll be fine

PREMISE

xiaofeng is a very bubbly and naive princess from western liang state, where she’s grown up happy and sheltered. her father is pro-peace with the li empire, and makes an arranged marriage for her to their crown prince. being a Precocious Naive Young Royal with a certified Thing for her teacher, gu jian (who seems Stoic but is actually a Softie), she eventually convinces him to run away with her so she can avoid the marriage. 

little does she know that gu jian is actually a sleeper agent for a disgraced family of the li empire who are willing to do anything to get power VENGEANCE honor again.

 wow, this will be fun she said. this will be good, she said. 

meanwhile...

prince li chengyin, the 5th prince, is accompanying his elder brother, the crown prince, to western liang in order to broker a marriage with their princess. on the way they are ambushed by what look like members of the danchi--a nomadic, warrior state. the crown prince is killed, and the 5th prince is left for dead. eventually, chengyin makes his way to western liang, where he learns about the history of his mother’s family, the gus, and meets his cousin gu jian. together, they vow for power VENGEANCE honor as well as a way to uncover the truth about the murder of the crown prince

one way to do that is to figure out a way to infiltrate the danchi

conveniently, gu jian knows a runaway princess whose grandfather is their leader.

ope. i came out here to have a good time

gu jian and chengyin conspire to have chengyin pose as gu jian’s Totally Normal Cousin Who is Definitely Not An Enemy Royal as they help the princess “run away” from an unwanted marriage to the “safety” of her grandfather’s people.

 ah. ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. hah.

MAIN CHARACTERS

xiaofeng

our titular princess!!! omg does she have a wild fucking ride of character development. happy and sheltered! oh no. oh no. oh, god. happy again! oh god. no. oh fuck. 

she’s awesome. growing up in the desert (her father’s people) and the steppe (her mother’s people), xiaofeng’s lived a pretty great life of mischief and riding horses. incredibly kind and extroverted, she makes friends everywhere and a lot of them are women and that is Awesome. not a mean bone in her body. wine-child who likes to cross dress. cdrama’s best dressed.

prince li chengyin / gu xiaowu

the 5th prince of the li empire and wants power VENGEANCE honor for his momma. he infiltrates xiaofeng’s Runaway Marriage Camping Trip in the hopes of uncovering military secrets of the danchi, to get vengeance for his brother and also some military merit so he can get more vengeance. 2 vengeances for one betrayal--sweet deal. however, on the way to the danchi, he hardcore falls for xiaofeng even though he’s lowkey trying to bring about devastation for her family. ruh oh. 

falls in love with the Mark, betrays people constantly and then wonders why they’re mad at him. the show/narrative never, at any point, tries to hide the fact that he is making some Severely Fucked Up Decisions and it’s amazing. genuinely loves xiaofeng very, very much. epitome of “you made your bed now lie in it.” 

gu jian

xiaofeng’s teacher and also her first love. he has feelings for her back, but he’s Bound by Duty to the gu family and subsequentially the li empire. he chooses duty, and orchestrates the meeting between xiaofeng and chengyin “xiaowu” in order to get chengyin in the door to the danchi tribe. he then watches them fall in love, fully knowing the fucked up shit that’s about to go down and how much pain it will cause xiaofeng. 

wears oversized scarves because a dude’s gotta accessorize. dramatically observes people from tall places like a sailor moon villain. whistle baby whistle baby let him know

SOME SUPPORT CHARACTERS SELECTED BY HOW MUCH THEY ARE MY FAVORITES

a’du

Q U E E N. a member of the danchi tribe, and xiaofeng’s best friend and bodyguard and girlfriend. xiaofeng says punch and a’du says how hard. the two of them are ride or die together, and a’du would do anything for xiaofeng. does not approve of any of her boyfriends in any capacity because LMAO she has eyes.

general pei

the Strong, Silent type and a general who is loyal to the li empire and serves chengyin. he befriends xiaofeng and genuinely cares about her. she teaches him the flute and he plays it for her whenever she’s sad and it’s precious :(. unclear whether or not his feelings for her are platonic or romantic, but it’s all v Pure and Well-Meaning. the ladies love him

he shi

(far right) a’du’s brother and the danchi’s best warrior. look he’s barely in this but i have a thing for friendly giants and this one plays the flute

mi luo

spy-turned-bar owner from western liang, who becomes one of xiaofeng’s best friends. she’s just a really cool lady and she keeps everyone absolutely hammered throughout the story, which they all need. to cope.

OTHER SUPPORT CHARACTERS THAT ARE NOT MY FAVORITES BUT ARE IMPORTANT TO THE PLOT AND/OR I WAS TOO LAZY TO MAKE A SCREENCAP OF

zhao se se. a noblewoman in the li empire who has been in love with chenglin forever

the empress. basically every cdrama empress you’ve ever encountered. moving on.

khan tömür. ACTUALLY one of my favorites but i was too lazy to get a screencap. xiaofeng’s grandpa and leader of the danchi. loves his grand daughter so, so much. does not approve of any of her boyfriends either because he also has eyes.

ming yue. a famous courtesan in the li empire who xiaofeng later befriends. she’s a perfectly fine character i was just bored w/ her subplot.

gao yuming. every Evil Minister you’ve seen in a cdrama, although he gets extra points for having one of the most annoying, blatantly evil voices of all time

second prince, li chengye. i actually liked him a lot too. the crown prince after the first crown prince dies, chengyin’s brother. anything else is spoilers

Drawbacks

there were a couple of subplots that i had 0 interest in, which is what kept this from being a perfect 10 for me. i didn’t care about anything related to minister gao + the empress, but that’s admittedly because im not all that into palace politics. the ming yue stuff was also not that interesting to me because i’ve seen that subplot a billion times.

nothing else enjoy the fucking ride.

Reasons to Watch.

this show makes no secret that it’s not going to be a good time. you jump in fully aware that it’s a tragedy and knowing that ahead of time makes it so much better. you see chengyin start to gradually lose his shit and it’s amazing. it’s so good. 

character development! almost every character grows (or destructs) based on what’s happening around them and i was really impressed with it. xiaofeng’s in particular.

ACTING. omg both the leads killed it. you can see the switches flip and it p much defines the show-not-tell i love it

music! it’s really pretty ;; 

FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS. FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS EVERYWHERE. xiaofeng makes so many friends and it warms my heart

if you’re into fucked up romances that also have moments of genuine cuteness/softness this is 100% your thing

The Aesthetic. costumes and scenery are on point, behold a parade of images:

(the Red Dress is iconic but this ^ is actually my favorite costume of hers)

Final Thoughts

[pyxisblue]

The Wolf’s Calm

“It’s a secret between the Crazy Wolf and I.”

|| A3!: Omi Fushimi // 2nd POV Yume (self-insert), Swearing/cursing, a bit of violence, mention of alcohol

You already knew about your boyfriend's drunk habit: his previous gangster personality comes out whenever he had too much to drink. And you couldn't say you're a fan.

That one particular night, drinking with his friends, had him reconsider about allowing himself too much alcohol. With it almost costing his friendship with his clubmates, it was something the two of you didn't really fancy.

Sure, it does bring out a very different side of him, which you loved to know about, but if it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, you included yourself in the list of people who wouldn't want that to happen again, him on the top of the list of course.

You thought he'd already learned his lesson after his friends didn't talk to him for a week due to that incident... well, he thought so too.

A call from one of his university friends was something you didn't expect in a late night. Drying your hair with a towel, you yawned before you answered the ringing phone.

"Ah. [Y/N]... can you help us out?" You can hear the repressed panic in the voice of the man over the phone. He was one of Omi's friends in the photography club.

"Uh. Sure. What's up?" A lot of possible reasons ran through your mind as to why he'd call you in an ungodly hour while he fumbled with words. But what he said next wasn't one of those you considered.

"It's Omi... I think... he had too much to drink."

The same friend led you to a small karaoke room where you found lots of empty bottles and cans all over. Plates of unfinished snacks covered most of the table. The mic lies silently on one of the long cushion seat while the t.v. displayed a repeating video of sceneries as colorful texts flashed over them saying "Insert Song".

In the middle of the other long seat, there's a familiar figure sitting motionless, had his head hanging in front of him as the tiny disco ball from the ceiling showers him with neon lights in the scarcely lit room.

A sigh escaped from your lips when you saw him alone, left by the friends who 'convinced' him to come along only to leave him to himself when they've met the consequences of their actions.

As much as you wanted to call them idiots for running with their tails between their legs after baiting out the wolf inside the actual sheep Omi could be, you couldn't entirely blame them.

No one could deal with Crazy Wolf Omi.

No one...

Except for you.

And that's exactly why one of them called you for rescue.

"Omi. It's time to go home," trying the amicable approach, you wished it'll be over just like that. But the way he scoffed after a glance at you when he lazily lifted his head... You instantly geared yourself for war.

"It's [Y/N], huh? You're here," he stated as if he knew a battle was coming. 

Well, he's damn right, you thought, because you're not about to be a prey... not tonight. You knew damn well that dealing with drunk Omi meant a lot of things. One of them is making sure you don't get overwhelmed by his rough attitude.

Another exasperated sigh came out of you before you sat beside him, hands clasped in front of you.

You saw a corner of his lips curved into a smirk when he realized you're not here to fool around, and somehow, this Omi was amused.

"Look. We don't have all night. Both you and I have stuff to do tomorrow. So, we better go home now," your voice came out in a business-like manner.

Whenever you talk to Omi, your tone is always endearing and full of love. What else would this caring man deserve? In order to fill the gaping hole of his insecurities, self-doubt, and guilt, you always made sure you’re able to relay how much you love him down to every part of his being.

But tonight, the man beside you is in his usual demeanor. So, you knew the situation required a different approach.

You weren't here to persuade him into coming with you. He caught the impression--the one you made sure was obvious-- that you're ready to drag him home if need be, but still you were willing to try and ask nicely.

That... that posed as a challenge for him, and this bold side of his was not about to back down easily.

"Oh, really?" In an instant, his handsome face was in front of yours, wearing a challenging smirk, after he guided your face closer to him with just his fingers on your jaw. "I think we have all the night."

You couldn't help but gulp. This view should already be something you're used to, but his fierce eyes boring into yours with tight brows over them made you feel... things. Not to mention, the scar on his jaw made his appeal more... heart-racing than you expected. The man in front of you was dangerously irresistible that you almost got lured into a kiss.

He's your boyfriend; there shouldn't be a problem with it, but the possible consequence this will bring had brought you to your senses. 

A punch in the gut made Omi double over, releasing you from his grip. 

"What the fuck?" He cursed with a deadly glare to your direction which you met with an unfazed one once you stood away from him.

"We will return to the dorms. Now." No more playing the nice guy, you thought. You turned to your heel to march away, hoping he'd get the message that you weren't asking nor suggesting this time.

But him catching your hand made you stop on your tracks. Just a look in his eyes, you already knew why he was once called “The Crazy Wolf”.

In those burning amber eyes, it was only you who was reflected.

You actually became worried you've provoked him further.

"There shouldn't be any problem, right? You're mine," he said in a low voice that sent a shiver down your spine just as his grip around your hand got tighter.

What he said is true, but there was something  bothering you that gave you courage to deny him.

As strong as he is, you've caught him off-guard when you shook your hand free. 

He thought he already intimidated you into submission like a sheep backed into a corner. But you're [Y/N]... you're no prey, even to the Crazy Wolf. Wasn't that what attracted him to you... your fiery wild heart that doesn't bow to anyone?

With a resolute voice, you told him, "You're right. I'm yours. But I don't want to do something with you that you're gonna regret afterwards because you thought you hurt me."

His eyes grew wide not only because of your words, but also because of the way there was pain in your eyes as they met his, foreseeing an expression you'll bear if you went with this, and he regrets everything once he's sober.

It pierced through him, and even with this intense personality... he still have the same heart that never wanted to see you with that pained expression.

You turned around once again to leave. You were ready to give him another jab in the gut after he took your hand again and pulled you to him... but you found yourself unable to fight back his embrace.

"Then, let me at least do this," his warm voice was still bearing a hint of his gangster persona as he held you like you're the most precious thing in the world. 

He grinned, amused and amazed about how you dealt with him with no fear.

The absence of his domineering attitude a minute ago made you blink in confusion twice.

Did he finally become sober?

"Thank you," his words were soft and gentle to your ear, making a warm pleasant feeling bloom in your chest.

You didn't know which side of Omi was speaking, but all you knew is that no matter how troublesome his drunken persona is... you knew it's still him, the man you fell hopelessly in love with.

The two of you stood there in the middle of the small space, disco lights glimmering with the silence of the bright karaoke machine. 

The setting was far from being romantic, yet you couldn't help but feel an overwhelming affection that made you hug him back. 

"Let's go home, Omi." This time, you said it like you were coaxing a child.

And in even in his drunken state he couldn't help but feel... 'Ah, I'm really no match for this woman.'

No other woman can beat you at what you do to him.

You weren't his prey. You were his calm... the breeze that chases away the madness of the wolf... the one strong presence in his life he'd never be willing to let go. 

When you thought he'd finally let go after you asked to go home, he didn't move an inch. Instead, you suddenly felt his heavy weight on you when he finally blacked out.

You struggled to support his large frame weighing over you as you reach for your phone to call Sakyo and the others for help.

Waiting for them to fetch you, you tried to bring your now asleep boyfriend back to the seat. It was no easy task, and you cursed yourself for not asking someone from the company to come with you.  You sat beside him and pulled his head gently to your shoulder.

His sleeping face looked so serene and gentle even under the multi-colored dancing lights. You giggled to yourself, finding it funny how it was a far cry from the expression he had a while ago.

A few minutes later, Sakyo and Banri arrived to witness the mess in the room whilst the two of you slept with your heads over the other. It was a sight that made the older man exasperatingly sigh and the younger one grin in amusement. Both were relieved they didn't come to a chaos, but the out-of-place image of two adults peacefully sleeping, leaning on each other, in a room where it's supposed to be booming with high energy was nothing they expected. 

----

You yawned without a care as you ambled to the kitchen. There, you find Banri with a smirk as he shrugged and said, "You two were really getting it on when we arrived."

"We what??" The knife Omi had been using to cut the carrots fell to the chopping board. His eyes wide at Banri, shocked about the troupe leader's remark. 

Usually, he can easily ride this kind of conversation as he knows of Banri’s way of messing with other people. But the absence of his last night’s memories made him consider what the younger man is saying might have truth in it.

Unfortunately, Kazunari was also present, "Ooh. I didn't know you had it in you, Omimi. But then again, you were drunk. You said your old personality emerges when you're drunk, right?"

"Yeah. But I wasn't." All heads whipped to your direction at your sudden interruption.

Your boyfriend became even more flustered with your statement. A color of red appearing on his cheeks, his eyes grew even wider.

"Unlike someone, I knew what was happening, and I remember everything," you ambiguously said just to get back at him for what you went through last night.

He stood frozen by the kitchen counter, seemingly not breathing. Probably trying to recall scenes of last night...only to no avail.

"Oof. Omi.exe stopped working!" Exclaimed excitedly by the Summer troupe member.

This... this is the very reason you did not want something to happen when he's drunk. He'd be too flustered to deal with the aftermath. 

"So... something really happened, huh?" Banri was a bit surprised under the impression that he hit the nail right in the head. Though, he’d usually be really amused if that were the case, somehow, not this time. Probably because he only saw the two of you in your peaceful snoring last night.

He was met with your shrug as you approached Omi to make sure he was still breathing.

The curious pair had their brows raised as they tried to decipher what you just meant, not sure how to take it in if the 'something' they thought really did happen.

"Shouldn't you two be at the university by now?"

"Oh, shit," the two younger ones jumped and dashed away once they realized what the time was. 

You were relieved you didn't have to use the director's name to have their butt moving. Meanwhile, dealing with the man beside you was another story.

"I-- I... I didn't hurt you, did I?" You felt guilty as you were met with a heavily concerned expression. It wasn't worth keeping score if he's gonna be burdened with guilt.

You gave him a smile as you held his cheek, the side where his scar is, "No, you didn't. I was just trying to turn the tables on them."

He blinked at you with a bit of hope, "So... nothing really happened?"

"Well... something happened... but not what they were expecting."

"...?" He pulled that adorable expression he does when he's clueless, making you giggle.

"Don't worry. It's nothing to be concerned about."

"Then, can you tell me what went on?"

And to that, you grinned, "It's a secret between the Crazy Wolf and I.”

You left him in the kitchen with a wink as he stared at you in confusion and curiosity until you disappear from the room entirely.

"Why do I feel like I missed something big?" He whispered to no one as he unwillingly let it go and decided to ask the carrots on the cutting board instead.

----------------------

This was a self-indulgent one I had written when someone mentioned about a fun fact about Omi who has his gangster persona returned whenever he’s drunk.

I scoured A3! sources to confirm this and was able to read the backstage story about it. I wondered how he really was as Crazy Omi and if ever we’ll see it again when he’s drunk, so...

I have so much love for this man. He deserves all the love I can offer.

Hope you enjoyed~

[graphicabyss]

2020.06.23 Tegoshi Press Conference

I struggled through all 2 hours of it and honestly I’m so tired I don’t even want to talk about it. But I feel like I still need to reflect and share some important points, especially with the people who don’t know much Japanese. It’s hard for me to be objective. The past several days felt like being slapped in the face repeatedly. But I’ll try to start with the facts and minimal comments.

By now, I was 95% sure it would not change my perspective on the situation. At the very least though, I expected a sincere apology. I didn’t hear it. The general story was exactly as it was reported before, even Bunshun was essentially right. The general tone of the press-con was light and positive. Even though I didn’t get 100% with my language comprehension, it made me feel like there was no part of the story that was previously misunderstood. He made his intentions and priorities perfectly clear. He did say he was sorry a few times but he seems to see all the turmoil as collateral damage.

The YouTube live streaming viewership peaked at about 1.3 million, though it fell as the conference went on for too long. An hour longer than planned in fact. I also included the like/dislike ratio as the conference went by, it reached 79 to 26 at the end of it, and with a good reason.

First, there was an introductory speech that lasted about 40 minutes but hardly contained anything we didn’t know before. Then there were questions from the reporters and I felt like he dodged questions like a politician. He talked a lot but didn’t really say much. I thought that maybe it was just me, maybe my Japanese was failing me. But I realized that wasn’t the case as many reporters had to ask questions repeatedly and clarify to get any real answers.

Thus, he spent about an hour answering them. There were also supposed to be questions from fans sent via Youtube and Twitter but he only answered a few minor ones, claiming he couldn’t pick one or they were going by too fast. Which I totally don’t buy. The only question he read was “How to become a Tegoshi girl?”, to which he laughed and joked. Also how Emma was doing. In the end, he went back to reporter questions. He did do a Q&A on OpenRec later but I didn’t have it in me to watch it. He ended the press-conference by happily accepting someone’s request to do a “Tei” pose and smiling for the cameras.

Here’s some individual points that stuck with me:

At the very beginning, he empathised he never even lies so he will tell everything like it is.

He brought his lawyer along. He said the company made him hire one and then their lawyers figured out the details of his exit plan.

From what I got, the members hardly knew more than we did. He talked to them about his intentions in March after their performance, but after that they were largely in the dark as the lawyers did their work and the date was decided pretty abruptly.

He claimed various articles present the issue wrongly, especially emphasizing phrases like “Cabaret Tegoshi” and “Tegoshi girls”. He said he did drink at the meeting and that the women were present, he wouldn’t lie, but it was for charities and his future career, not just partying. He clearly thinks drinking with girls is much worse than sneakily making business plans for solo career.

He said several times that he loved NEWS and the members very much (one time saying they’re practically family) and expressed his gratitude towards the members and the company. He said he watched the announcement message with a heavy heart and felt sorry for them. He added he would express his feelings to them once they met. One apt comment read “Or you can do that now. They’re probably watching.”

He said he loved NEWS and even watched a concert just before. He also said several times he wears NEWS T-shirts at home. Apparently, he thinks that’s a great indicator.

He said he has talked to Koyama over LINE and got his support, which suggests he didn’t talk to others.  

When asked what was so important that he just had to leave, he was quite vague. He kept talking about his “otoko no yume” and his “vision”, whatever the fuck that means. He said it takes too long to do something within the agency. He mentioned things like fanclub events, overseas concerts and festivals. Which makes little sense right now because, you know, the global pandemic. Also social media seemed very important.

He was also vague about his further plans. He said it was true he would do something on Youtube, but he’s not planning to be a “youtuber”.

When told many fans were upset with him, he said that can’t be helped and that he would probably be too in their position. Missing the point completely. 

As a side note, I couldn’t help but notice how much he looked like Hyde. Not the looks but the facial expressions. I noticed it before at some performances but never when he talked. 

I didn’t elaborate on the main story of how and when and why because previous reports already wrote about it and it seemed clear to me. I’ll surely write more of my thoughts on this but today I wanted to give you some extra information to fill the gaps for those who wanted to hear his version of the story before decided how to respond. I personally feel a relief as now I at least know enough to solidify my opinion, not just based on rumours.

[utagoe]

IDOLiSH7: Endless Lyrics

Kanji, romaji and English translation for Endless by Inumaru Toma

(kanji source)

相反した理想と現実 がんじがらめ裏切りが牙向き 手のひら返したみたい 簡単に過去の思い出すら1ページ 振り払えないスモーク まとわりついてくる栄光 混沌とする闇を抜け出したい 報われないままなんてくそくらえ

Hey 地平線に溶かすセピアのジレンマ ノンフィクション 嘘つかない Trust just believe in my heart 夢は語るためにあんじゃない 追いかけるようなもんでもない 輝きはリンクしてベリーナイト 秋の風が心地良い Believe in your mind

この夢の欠片 君と集めたいんだ

Baby, Once again So Touch me deep inside 心重ねて 二度と Never let go いつまでも歌い続けたい Song for you… Oh…why どうして 何度も俺の名前を呼んで あの日のように愛してEndless…

yo 1.2.3.4.5. 置いてけぼりの午後8時 終わりなんて勝手になんて 誰かの物差しで決めつけられた My way No,No way Don't stop way Go highway 声かけてもノーリアクション きっかけはどこからデスペラード

Hey 偽りのフリーダム 覚悟は決めた はずなのにほらまた 見え隠れしている check it check it poi 確かめてく生きているその意味を yeah 唯我独尊 天と地を返し らしくいられなきゃ俺じゃないさ

まだ何一つも 終わらせられないんだ

揺れ動く陰と陽 足元照らすグラデーション 繰り返し聴こえてくるよ 君の歌声が どこで間違った 何が悪かった 空は今日も無口で Are you never stop…

Baby, Once again So Touch me deep inside 一度描いた夢は Never let go 例えこの身朽ち果てようと song for you… Oh…why どうして 何度も君の名前を呼んで 永遠に叫び続けるよEndless…

Endless… Endless… Endless… Endless…

その心に届くまで (Endless…) もう一度笑えるまで (Endless…) あの日のように愛して (Endless…) 永遠に叫び続けるよEndless…

Romaji

aihan shita risou to genjitsu ganjigarame urakiri ga kiba muki tenohira kaeshita mitai kantan ni kako no omoide sura ichi peeji furiharaenai sumooku matowari tsuite kuru eikou konton to suru yami wo nukedashitai mukuwarenai mama nante kuso kurae

Hey chiheisen ni tokasu sepia no jirenma nonfikushon uso tsukanai Trust just believe in my heart yume wa kataru tame ni an janai oikakeru you na mon demo nai kagayaki wa rinku shite berii naito aki no kaze ga kokochi ii Believe in your mind

kono yume no kakera kimi to atsumetainda

Baby, Once again So Touch me deep inside kokoro kasanete nidoto Never let go itsumademo utai tsuzuketai Song for you… Oh…why doushite nandomo ore no namae wo yonde ano hi no youni aishite Endless…

yo one two three four five oitekebori no gogo hachiji owari nante katte ni nante dareka no monosashi de mitsume tsukerareta My way No,No way Don't stop way Go highway koe kaketemo noo riakushon kikkake wa doko kara desuperaado

Hey itsuwari no furiidamu kakugo wa kimeta hazu nanoni hora mata miegakure shiteiru check it check it poi tashikameteku ikiteiru sono imi wo yeah yuigadokuson ten to chi wo kaeshi rashiku irarenakya ore janai sa

mada nani hitotsu mo owaraserarenain da

yureugoku in to you ashimoto terasu guradeeshon kurikaeshi kikoete kuruyo kimi no utagoe ga doko de machigatta nani ga warukatta sora wa kyou mo mukuchi de Are you never stop…

Baby, Once again So Touch me deep inside ichido egaita yume wa Never let go tatoe kono mi kuchihateyou to song for you… Oh…why doushite nandomo kimi no namae wo yonde towa ni sakebi tsuzukeruyo Endless…

Endless… Endless… Endless… Endless…

sono kokoru ni todoku made (Endless…) mou ichido waraeru made (Endless…) ano hi no youni aishite (Endless…) towa ni sakebi tsuzukeruyo Endless…

English

Ideals and reality conflict A bound traitor bare their fangs It seems they've turned their back on me The memories from my past fit on a single page I can't shake this smoke off Glory follows me around I want to break out of this chaotic darkness Fuck off with that lack of recompenses

Hey A sepia dilemma melts into the horizon Nonfiction, I don't tell lies Trust just believe in my heart Dreams aren't made to be recited Nor are they something to chase Our radiances link up on this very night The autumn wind is so pleasant Believe in your mind

I want to assemble with you The fragments of this dream

Baby, once again So touch me deep inside I'll overlap our hearts and never let go again I want to keep on singing forever Song for you… Oh…why - Why? Call my name again and again And love me like you did that day - Endless…

Yo 1.2.3.4.5 I was left behind at 8 p.m. The end was arbitrarily chosen By someone's ruler My way No, No way Don't stop way Go highway Even when I say something, there's no reaction My motives became desperado somewhere along the way

Hey, it's a fake freedom I was supposed To be prepared, but once again I'm appearing and disappearing Check it check it poi I'll ascertain the meaning of living yeah Being self-conceited, I'll turn heaven and earth upside down If I'm not true to myself, I just won't be me

I won't let Anything end yet

Positives and negatives tremble A gradation illuminates my steps I repeatedly hear Your singing voice Where did I make a mistake? What did I do wrong? The sky says nothing today as well Are you never stop…

Baby, once again So touch me deep inside Once I have a dream, I never let go Even if my body rots away Song for you… Oh…why - Why? I'll call your name again and again And continue to shout eternally - Endless…

Endless… Endless… Endless… Endless…

Until it reaches your heart (Endless…) Until I can smile again (Endless…) Love me like you did that day (Endless…) I'll continue to shout eternally - Endless…

[modsumessenger]

I need to follow some new accounts my timeline is so dead bc i haven't been using tumblr during the Great Desktop Fuckery of ‘17-18-etc... gimme recommendations or reblog or whatever if you post:

Hunter x Hunter (HxH)  (Finally watched it earlier this year and now I’m all HEART EYES MOTHERFUCKER. Killua’s my son. Fuck you Illumi. Abuse him you lose him. also not caught up on the manga yet but dontworryaboutit) Danganronpa (All caught up and stuff for this one so no worries, I’m always a slut for murder mystery/detective type shit. Also I am deeply in love with Ouma Kokichi its a serious problem)

RPGMaker Games (Whether the classics like Witch’s House, Ib, Mad Father, Yume Nikki, Misao, etc etc or more recent stuff like Hello Charlotte, Wadanohara, Pocket Mirror, End Roll and more! Even (and especially) newer projects currently in the making I’m SUUUUPER into these types of games. Especially RPGHorror.) 

Silent Hill & Similar Horror Projects (Although there isn't really another series “like” SH imo, I’m sort of using it more as a way to describe the approach to horror as a genre and an experience. If you like jump scares and stuff that’s cool for you, but my taste lies more with atmosphere heavy, story driven and psychological kinds of horror content.)

KNY (Kimetsu No Yaiba/Demon Slayer)  (This is my most recent series I’ve gotten invested in, so I'm not caught up yet. Finished the anime and now starting the manga so if you post a bunch of spoilers have mercy and ill keep u in mind for later ❤️)

Your Turn To Die / Kimigashine (very much up my alley and really excited for chapter 3, 100.0% invested. chances of succeeding in repressing my love for Sou..... 0.0%) (creepy minor/adult shippers do not interact Sara is literally like 16 years old you fucks stop)

Actually apply that statement to all of these. If you ship creepy incest/pedophilia/otherwise nasty shit I have no interest in following you and hope the rest of your days are spent taking exclusively painful shits. ✨ 

That’s all that I can think of off of the top of my head, I’ll add more in a reblog or something if more stuff comes to mind later. Thanks!

[trashexplorer]

BLCD Review: Father Fucker

Title: Father Fucker (ファザー・ファッカー)

Release Date: 2019/03/06

Author/Artist: Kureta Makine

Cast: Nogami Shou x Yamanaka Masahiro

Synopsis: Mei and Shin are father and son, but they are not related by blood. Shin’s father, Makoto, was Mei’s dear friend, who passed and left Shin in Mei’s care. Day by day, Shin grows up to be more and more like his late father and it wasn’t hard for the boy to realize the feelings Mei had towards his father and uses this to at least have the man’s body to himself. On weekdays, they’re father and son, but on weekends, they’re lovers. What’ll happen to these two people who are just desperate for love…?

Review Proper

Can’t have a more accurate title than that. 😂

I was actually debating on putting this or Ingase no Beze for last, but I had a feeling that this might fuck me up so I had to save myself a fluffy looking one for last. Hmm. What can I say? I wasn’t that interested in this when I was gathering info about it. It’s not an entirely new concept and the plot’s not that special either. Wait, let me think about that one similar story... Gekkouzaka no Hanayashiki by Kinoshita Keiko? The leads both lose their unrequited loves who left a son which they adopted. Yukiya doesn’t have feelings for his son, though and he ends up with Takanashi instead. Mei and Shin ultimately end up together in Father Fucker even though Mei is swayed? by another man for a moment (I was rooting for them a little, dammit). I initially thought that Shin was going to kill him or they were both going to commit suicide in the end, but I remembered that this was Kureta Makine and not Natsume Kazuki, Gusari, or Sachimo and I don’t think it’s in their blood to make something that dark. This is the author of Ore no Kawaii Yopparai we’re talking about (my heart still hurts, though). 

I totally thought that this was going to be mortally depressing like, say, Not Equal, but surprisingly, it wrapped up without much drama? I mean, there are a lot of lose ends left hanging and it was all resolved so fast. Idk. Do I like this? Do I not? It does give of Nii-chan vibes because well, even though it was mutual, Shin was still a minor and to lay your hands on him as a replacement for his father is...a crime? Do we consider this grooming? Either way, I don't feel too good about this (even though I figured that it would end like this before hand). I do feel kinda mad that Shin's mom slapped Mei into the next century, but he did deserve it (not because he was gay or that he was in love with Makoto and later Shin, but because again, he laid his hands on his stepson). I've nothing else to say about it tbh. There are some parts that made me feel invested, but it wasn't consistent. Or maybe I just wasn't in the mood that day. It sorta felt like Kakkou no Yume if not less irritating. 🤷

Execution was fine. This would only be the second time that I’ve heard Nogami Shou in a BLCD and the thought of jumping from an uke role straight into a seme role was kind of concerning for me. It didn’t become an issue once I started the BLCD, though...’cause his voice in Oni ga Shitau wasn’t all that notable anyway. 😂 How was he as a seme then? He was fine, I guess? Again, nothing notable. Keep up the good work, though. Here’s to the hope of you establishing your tone in my ears in the future. 👍

Moving on to Yamanaka Masahiro,

HELLO, HELLO, MY BB. IZ BIN A LONG WHILE. I was taken aback when I heard Mei speak because he was using his Yonekura voice. Yonekura-san’s face kept on popping up in my head and the “other man” appearing didn’t help because he was like Shiina-kun (who’s a little naughtier). 😂 There’s also another reason why I put this right before Ingase no Beze and that’s because Ingase no Beze had Okitsu and y’all know how I’m trash for my Fruit, Gateau boys. 😭😭😭 Yamanaka Masahiro did a great job in being a ho this time around. 👏👏👏 I’m so proud. 😌 This is Yamanaka Masahiro’s first work this year and it seems like it’s going to be the only one I’m going to listen to. *sigh* Well, there’s still much of 2019 left, I hope I get to hear more of him.

In conclusion, I’ve to say that Father Fucker had good plot execution, great voice work as Nogami Shou still managed not to get swallowed by Yamanaka Masahiro’s deeper voice and seniority, and it closely followed the original content. The manga’s pacing was fast so I can’t really complain about how the BLCD was the same. They did add a bit of stuff (mattress mambo extensions to name a few) in the story and they also cut some out. I guess, if you’re looking for a dramatic work which doesn't knock the air outta your lungs then this may be for you. I have caught news that this is going to be translated by swe3t+moans BLScanslation, but if things stay the way the are at their end, then I’m afraid that it might not be as accurate a translation as you’d hope it to be. I could try picking this up if I manage to have myself a copy on my trip to Japan in September, but that would still be dependent on a lot of factors. Let’s just pray that they manage to put out a better translation this time. 🙏

[akatokuro]

The Inevitable StS Rewatch, Episode 36

One of the most truly pressing issues in Saint Seiya canon: why the fuck is Milo like this?

- I SEE THAT SAGA SENSED THAT AIOLOS WAS TAKING A BATH, SO HE FELT THE NEED TO JUMP IN TOO! and thus a meme was born

- Uhhhh, Saga? I know you probably had a crush on Aiolos at all, but... really, dude? ????????

- AND HEEEERE HEEEEE ISSSSSSSS

- Milo's ridiculous ego is on full display the second he opens his fucking mouth. No "what's going on, Pope?" or "How may I serve you?" but "WOW, POPE, FOR YOU TO SUMMON A GOLD SAINT! (DID I MENTION I'M A GOLD SAINT, BECAUSE I AM.)

- MILO. ALL HE FUCKING DID WAS ASK IF YOU KNEW ABOUT THE SITUATION. What is the need for you to add "heh, not that I care, since I'm so awesome, just so you know!" Yes, a lot of Gold Saints have pretty overinflated egos - yume and I actually thought about it, and we're pretty sure Camus is just about the ONLY one who doesn't pull some form of smug "heh, a Bronze trying to fight a Gold? lmao, and also, rofl" but Scorpio Milo is... something else.

- Ikki working for Sanctuary at first still feels really weird and ill-fitting. Well, fortunately, it's not really dwelled on that much, so it's easily ignored! That's one of the good things about there being no real Saint Seiya canon... <_<

- In a way, though, it is certainly fitting that Milo's scene here is our first proper introduction to a "Gold Saint", because Milo certainly thinks he is THE Gold Saint in a lot of ways. It drips from the way he responds to everything. "Measly Bronze Saints, they must be crazy, lol!" It's actually really interesting to think he was originally planned to be Hyouga's master. Like, in some ways that really fits - Smugswan had to get the smug and the overinflated sense of ego from somewhere, and it sure as hell wasn't Camus!

- It's also sort of interesting because Kurumada pulled the switcheroo on the basis of "oooh, ice/water themed signs, oooh!" But even at this stage, Milo definitely has a very, very different personality than Marshmallow Saint Camus. What would he and Hyouga's hypothetical encounter have looked like, really...?

- I'm not trying to imply, by the way, that Milo's sense of egotism is solely about straightforwardly boosting himself up - because it's not. It's intertwined with his perception of Saint honor and what it means to him to embody that, which becomes clear in how he deals with Camus, Hyouga, and Kanon respectively later on. It's also intertwined with a negative five thousand debuff to his intelligence stat, but, you know.

- I love Saga just sort of ignoring Milo going WHAT? A BRONZE BEATING A SILVER? RIDICULOUS, I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING! and continuing to exposit. Saga, why the fuck did you summon Milo of all people here to deal with this in the first place? I mean, not only would leaning on Aphrodite, Deathmask, or even Shura make infinitely more sense, but... it's fucking Milo. Did your bath-bonding with Aiolos rattle your judgment temporarily?  

- And right back at him, Milo basically brushes aside poor Saga's exposition to go "ARE YOU SERIOUSLY BOTHERING THE GREAT KONO MILO WITH THIS BULLSHIT, POPE? REALLY??? KONO MILO, THE GOLD SAINT???"

- Saga begins to realize his terrible, terrible mistake and cuts off Milo in the middle of his bitching, but Milo ignores him to continue whining.

- See, it'd be one thing if Milo suggested that the situation bore more investigation, or perhaps these Bronze Saints were being misled so they shouldn't be so fast to jump to the execution option, but no. It's all about his fucking pride.

- Saga is getting so edgy and short at this point and oh my god I cannot believe Milo is still fucking trying to argue with him THIS IS THE FUCKING POPE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

- Like, yume and I utterly lost our fucking minds at Milo blowing off Athena to haze Kanon when we were re-watching the Hades OAVs, but oh god it is extremely fucking consistent with this characterization here

- Poor Saga. "LOOK, THEY HAVE A FUCKING GOLD CLOTH, OKAY!?!? JESUS CHRIST WHY THE FUCK DID I NOT GET APHRODITE TO DO THIS"

- okay okay i know it's because lol seat of the pants kurumada making shit up as he went along and was promptly retconned out because it makes no sense but i will never stop laughing at milo being shocked that there are twelve gold saints. WHAT??? NOT JUST SCORPIO AND SAGITTARIUS???? WHO WOULD HAVE EVER GUESSED???? THEY COME IN, LIKE, A SET????

- Kanon pretending he's Sea Dragon is the funniest moment in Saint Seiya, but Milo's spectacular intelligence debuff is also a consistent point of hilarity.

- Shaina's crush on Seiya might be, like, one of my least favorite things in StS seriously. It's so unnecessary and it IS basically a pitch-perfect example of that "behind the ruthless, frightening female warrior lies ~the soft heart of a woman~ that only the dreamy male protagonist can truly uncover!" trope that I fucking despise with all my being.

- yume and I were cracking the fuck up to discover that the Tencent version of this sequence has Seiya bringing up the Saintias when Shaina explains the mask issue. Like, my issues with Saintia Sho as a series aside, that's just really adorable.

- The mask issue in general... there are really interesting things that you could do with it, both for Sainthood in general and for Shaina as an individual (the vibe I get is that Shaina takes it unusually seriously, even though it is accepted as a general rule) since it feels like sort of a mark of sexism that would be a part of an old, traditional, religious order - but I can't say I'm a fan of any attempts so far in the series to "address" it. Omega was a thing, and that thing was Bad.

- "Kill or love" is pretty bullshit, though. How about "kill or be expelled from Sanctuary"? I also don't really like Seiya being all "what, is that the only reason?" when he thinks it's about humiliation/pride - like, what's wrong with that? It makes sense with how Shaina has been characterized...

- this flashback is so fucking stupid

- OH NO, SEIYA, YOU SAW ME PET A RABBIT WHEN YOU WERE A LITTLE KID AND I WAS A TEENAGER AND THUS YOU HAVE UNLOCKED MY SOFT WOMAN'S HEART! I bet Seiya fucking tried to jump a high bar, too, as every single woman from the Fate franchise happened to be strolling by?

- Like, Shaina, did you fall in love with this little kid who talked down to you then or... because uhhh...

- Also, like, yeah, it's Saint Seiya, and "pulled things out of my ass" and "retconned" are the name of the game, but come on, there was no indication of this kind of past in all the screentime Shaina has had up until this point. Wasn't her grudge against him regarding Marin and Cassios and being defeated by him in battle enough? Do we really have to enforce her ~femininity~ that Seiya ~exposed~ too? Ugh ugh ugh.

- Whatever, I really do like Shaina, this garbage aside. It's just a shame we fell back on this dumb trope of all things to justify her transition into one of the good guys when it was wholly unneeded.

- Aaaand we're back to Milo and Saga. I love how the framing of this episode implies that Saga has been sitting there having to explain things very slowly to Milo all fucking day. Gonna need another bath to unwind after this shit, Gemini.

- HAVE I MENTIONED, POPE, THAT I AM A GOLD SAINT, AND THUS I AM AMAZING? I'M NOT SURE YOU KNEW. LET ME MENTION IT AGAIN. I'M A GOLD SAINT, BY THE WAY.

- And Lia enters the scene!

- Okada made this an explicit issue in Episode G, but the contrast between fully-decked-out-in-his-Cloth "have I mentioned in the last five minutes that I am a Gold Saint, preen preen" Milo and Lia--who strolls in WITHOUT his Cloth, just his regular training clothes - is really striking.

- Milo's face when Lia comes in... hmmm...

- I don't think Saga, like, actively made a point of or went out of his way to play ~mind games~ with Aiolia or anything, but this is definitely a deliberate passive-aggressive diss. The kind you would give when it's like, ah yes, I ruined this kid's life, let me just innocuously twist the knife a little here...

- You really can understand why Aiolia is as fucking mad and as fucking repressed as he is, from the dressed-up hostility coming from both sides in this whole amazing shitstorm.

- This is... an amazing moment. "What if I still wanted Milo to go?" "Eh, I'd kick his fucking ass." And Milo's EXCUSE ME!?!?! reaction lmfaooooo

- You can just sense the stony bitterness coming off of Lia here, though? This is a dangerous game to play, considering the whole rule about "no duels between Saints." Just the sheer dismissiveness of it, too. Just as Saga gets in his passive-aggressive digs against Aiolia, Lia gets his in against... Milo, lol?

- And Milo starts trying to argue with the Pope AGAIN and Saga finally just tells him to shut the hell up. Saga confirmed for legitimately impressive patience honestly.

- God, and Lia just leaves once he gets the confirmation. I LOVE that Aiolia went through this whole thing since coming in without saying a single fucking word to Milo or sparing him more than a glance. Please, just ask this man about his opinion of Scorpio Milo, I’m begging you.

- MILO FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

- And Saga is the one who points out that, BECAUSE of his history and his relation to Aiolos, he has a compelling reason to work on this case in particular. Milo just stops at HOW COULD YOU RELY ON HIM HE HAS TRAITOR'S BLOOD. The intelligence debuff is real.

- But, yeah, you can tell Lia has cause to be as cold, dismissive, and passive-aggressive towards Milo as he was. They... they do not have a good relationship.  

- It legitimately boggles my mind how there is a weird semi-common fanon about Milo and Lia being close friends, or Milo being this great guy who was so supportive of him. I've run across it multiple times in my hunts for cute fanart or interesting discussion, and I feel like I'm staring at an incomprehensible alien entity every time. Like. Where did you get that. How did. The characterization we get from both of them indicates the exact opposite. I would not be remotely surprised if Aiolia, as bitter and angry as he truly is, is going to hold a grudge against Milo until the end of time, long after Milo has forgotten about it.

- Rather than being his friend, Milo is literally the ONLY Gold Saint we see actually giving Aiolia shit for being a traitor's brother. Like I mentioned back in the Silver Saint scene with Aiolia, yume and I actually talked about this - since she is a raving Aiolia fan and all - about the possible sources of Lia's torment from his peers. The shitty Silver Saints, yes, and Deathmask, yes, because he's actively malicious in general, but he wouldn't be rubbing it in because he actually cares or thinks Lia having "traitor blood" actually means something. MILO sure does, though!

- Milo is prideful, often in shallow ways, and incredibly overbearing about that pride, thinking he has the right to lecture and judge and override others, including Athena herself. There is like literally no question in my mind that he is friends with Camus because Camus is basically the only person who knows him who will actually tolerate him.

- Milo: "Hmm, lots of people don't trust the Pope, and no one has seen his face. WHAT COULD IT MEAN??? welp back to my temple wonder what camus is up to"

- "Brother, I will make up for your sin, even if I have to sacrifice my life!" with a thousand-yard stare. Aiolia, you really, really need some therapy, badly...

- Man, I was gonna cover more episodes with this writeup, but it ends up I had a lot of ranting bottled up about GOD MILO WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. Oh well. Next time, Aiolia continues to have serious, serious psychological problems! A good time is had by all!

[gizkasparadise]

wow trying to edit that post was a nightmare. sorry yall. 

anonymous asked how bad “goodbye my princess” was. 

vague badness: enemy lovers that actually have consequences, betrayal/lying, jealousy, murder, suicide, dead family members dead family members everywhere, depression, the male love interest going a lil Unhinged, main character deaths (plural)

detailed spoilers (and legit, SPOILERS) under the cut

so you have to embrace that the male lead/chengyin is an absolute piece of shit. like he’s terrible. and he’s compelling. but he makes so many bad choices in pursuit of power / the throne of the li empire. so so many. now, he loves xiaofeng and it’s legit, but that ultimately brings more pain to her than if he didn’t.

Fucked Up Shit Chengyin Does: A Love (?) Story

-within the first 10 episodes, he + his soldiers have almost completely wiped out xiaofeng’s family + the danchi as a whole. her cousins die. her friends die. tangentially, her mother dies and her father goes insane. chengyin even beheads her beloved grandfather in front of her (he didn’t know she was there. but lmao. still.)

-did i mention that was on their wedding day? it was on their wedding day. said grandfather even gave her away. he went ahead with marrying xiaofeng even though he had no intention of abandoning his mission and thought idk love would fix it? chengyin what what what are you doing

-it’s unclear whether or not chengyin was going to tell her he was the double agent/the reason the li empire was able to wipe out the danchi, but there’s this like Significant pause between when xiaofeng wakes up from traumatically fainting after the danchi are defeated to her recognizing the li empire armor in his quarters where he doesn’t say anything and it is Sketch. definitely the implication that if he could he would hide his role in the defeat of the danchi from her and just Carry On as a Happily Married Couple

-she’s rightfully horrified by him when she makes the connection between him and the armor in his tent and tries to stab him, so he stabs himself harder which isnt awful but just fucked up like this is not a good relationship

-when gu jian (xiaofeng’s teacher/first love) comes to take her out of the li military camp, chengyin stops him and demands that he lets xiaofeng go because, quote, “They’re not over yet.” bro you just massacred damn near her entire family i think that’s a dealbreaker (to his credit he does let her leave but lmao it’s v clear he didn’t want to)

-there’s a semi-time skip and Plot Related Amnesia, so he and xiaofeng don’t remember their traumatic history, and both end up in the li empire b/c of xiaofeng’s marriage contract to one of their princes. one would think without the danchi backstory maybe they could have a better time. they don’t.

-chengyin falls for xiaofeng again, but he knows the politics of court are Fucked Up and if he shows he cares about her they’ll target her. so he makes a girl who’s been in love with him since childhood (se se) his concubine and fake!dotes on her to have all the political schemes fall on her instead of xiaofeng. basically, he exploits the poor girl’s feelings to make her a meat shield. i think he calls her expendable at one point. on the flip side of things, he treats xiaofeng like absolute shit sometimes in order to protect her. which works, but gd what an asshole

-although their memories are gone, chengyin knows basic things about the events in western liang that others in the palace have told him: that he defeated the danchi and killed xiaofeng’s grandfather are among them. he doesn’t tell xiaofeng this, even when they’re officially engaged. she finds out on her own right before the wedding and confronts him. he’s essentially like Look I Didn’t Want You To Know and when that doesn’t do well he’s like Think of The Country and also I Love You and gets general pei to later take her to the memorial he built for her grandfather, complete with his armor set. which is kind of sweet but also kind of imperialist museum? and also he was the one that killed him??

-super jealous. when there’s rumors that general pei and xiaofeng are having an affair (they’re not), he maneuvers to publicly strong-arm pei into a marriage with his sister (aka an imperial princess aka a marriage he can’t turn down). it turned out alright, but the Motives were definitely not alright--emphasized by the stone cold stare down he gives xiaofeng after the announcement (she’s oblivious to it, because she’s not in love with pei, but chengyin doesn’t know that). part of it is a political maneuver, but it’s also p clear that it’s personal

-a doozy. so gu jian, chengyin’s cousin and accomplice in the Take Down the Danchi Fuckery, is in love with xiaofeng. he was also xiaofeng’s first love, but she doesn’t remember him because #amnesia.  throughout the second half of the show, gu jian’s been working as sort of a guardian for xiaofeng as she lives in the palace and trying to make amends for his part in the danchi massacre/trying to assuage his guilty conscience. at one point, he decides enough’s enough and he kidnaps xiaofeng in order to get her free from the palace. during this time, chengyin’s absolutely losing his shit because his beloved wife is gone and he knows gu jian’s the one that took her / has his suspicions about gu jian’s feelings for her.

while gu jian and xiaofeng are on the run, xiaofeng starts to get bits and pieces of her memory back--all of them surround a man named “xiaowu” aka chengyin’s alter-ego when they were together in west liang. because he’s a shit, gu jian says he’s xiaowu, and as a result xiaofeng believes he’s the one she used to be in love with. Complicated. even more complicated when, fleeing chengyin and palace soldiers, xiaofeng hits her head and COMPLETELY remembers everything.

needless to say, she doesn’t want to be around chengyin anymore. it’s super sad and fucked up, because while xiaofeng remembers everything, chengyin doesn’t. so here’s what chengyin knows:

-his wife was open and warm and they were in love even if he couldn’t always show it because #Intrigue

-wife gets kidnapped by his cousin, who he suspects is in love with her

-wife comes back from kidnapping, hating him and saying the only person she ever cared for was xiaowu -- which is NOT HIM

-his cousin claimed to be xiaowu

when gu jian tries to rescue xiaofeng again, he’s surrounded by palace guards and chengyin goes totally unhinged. he forces xiaofeng to watch as he orders his men to shoot the shit out of gu jian. she tries to look away but he won’t let her. he doesnt even care that a’du, xiaofeng’s best friend and the only one she really has left, is at risk of being shot as well. gu jian dies, and while xiaofeng knows he’s not xiaowu she remembers that they grew up together/at one point he was her beloved teacher and she’s devastated. she tries to starve herself but chengyin threatens to take a’du away forever if she does. it’s fucked up.

-xiaofeng tries to escape multiple times, and he won’t let her/re-captures her. it’s just. sad. really sad, esp since she can’t forgive him for what he did to her family

-after all this shit, west liang decides to rebel and chengyin decides to crush them. because killing one side of xiaofeng’s family tree wasn’t enough, apparently

-xiaofeng rides out to the middle of the battlefield--on one side is west liang, under control of her brother. on the other is li empire, under control of her husband. she threatens to kill herself unless chengyin meets two of her conditions: 1) that he’ll leave west liang the fuck alone for as long as he lives--chengyin agrees, and it’s clear he would say yes to anything she asks because he is freaking out. he even says that if she dies he’ll kill himself, too. which leads to wish 2) he has to live well

which feels like a mixture of selfless love and a little bit of a fuck you? she knows that making him survive after she dies is probably going to be what hurts him the most, but he swore to it. then she slits her own throat while he watches, and he runs by her side and is trying to keep her alive (which is fruitless). and then he’s shoved away from her by her brother, who takes her corpse back to west liang. chengyin grows old, and it’s clear the only thing he’s got is his empire and it’s a lonely fucking life. at some point, he abdicates to his nephew (implying he never had his own family) and goes back into the desert to “find xiaofeng” because he’s in denial that she’s dead and the vibe is that he’s definitely going to die alone out there

#fin

characters who die

-danchi: tömür/xiaofeng’s grandfather, he shi (a’du’s brother/xiaofeng’s friend), yi moyan (xiaofeng’s cousin), batu’er, a good freaking chunk

-west liang: consort/princess mingyuang, ashina yun/xiaofeng’s mother, qu wenchang/xiaofeng’s father goes insane

-li empire: zhao sese goes insane, crown prince #1/chengji, crown prince #2/chengye, the empress, the emperor, gao yuming, li yan, gao zhen, gu ruhui, chang’er, chai mu, ming yue

-main: xiaofeng, gu jian, a’du

[damnit-samnit]

Attachment - Chapter 15 Preview

Look for this tomorrow, my loves. I’ll try to get it out around 9-10pm EST but NEVER take my word when it comes to times because I suck.

---

“Oh come one,” you said, rubbing your face. “Don’t get all self-righteous on me.”

“Self-righteous!” Yume rolled her eyes. “I’m worried. This guy he just… he doesn’t seem right.”

“You don’t even know him!”

“Exactly! I’ve been your friend for how many years? This is the first guy you ever dated that you haven’t brought around!”

You had a snappy retort lined up but at the word ‘date’ you lost your thunder.

“I wouldn’t exactly call it dating…” you muttered and Yume gestured wildly at you.

“Red flag!”

You scoffed, tossing a couch pillow at her. “Get out of here with your red flags.”

“There’s something off about the whole situation you’re in.” She was reaching for her phone, her brows furrowed. “You don’t bring ‘the man’ around, you’re letting him give you all these marks, he’s breaking stuff in your house, he keeps calling you. All I’m seeing is red flags. How long have you been seeing him?”

Yume threw up air quotes as she spoke the last two words that made you flinch.

Truth or lie? Truth or lie?

“A couple weeks,” you said, splitting the difference.

She pointed at you. “You’re lying.”

“Fine, don’t believe me.” You were bristling up, appalled she didn’t believe your half-lie. The television show had clearly been forgotten. “I don’t have to prove anything to you.”

“When did you get so…” Yume paused, screwing her face up as she searched for the proper word. “Antagonistic?”

“Antagonistic!?” You snorted. “I got antagonistic the moment you started up with your holier-than-thou attitude! Last time I checked, I’m an adult capable of making my own decisions. I’m not an idiot and I don’t need you coming around hounding me about things you don’t even know about!”

“I’m your best friend!” Yume said, voice rising slightly as passion was interjected into your conversation. “It hurts that you don’t want to share this with me! What, do you think I’m going to judge you or something?”

“You clearly are judging me!” Your voice was also getting higher and louder, matching hers. “Literally, rewind the clock back fifteen seconds!”

“Honey, you’re confusing--”

“Now you’re getting condescending!”

“-- concern with judgment!”

“Yum, come on, I think I can handle myself--”

“Humor me. Please, humor me for like five minutes. I just want to ask you some questions about your relationship--”

“Stop. This is--”

“-- Please. I’m begging you. If our friendship means anything to you, just answer these questions. Please.”

The levity in her voice made the argument in you die. Her hands were pressed together, face twisted into a pleading frown. You inhaled deeply and loudly, before closing your eyes.

“What kind of questions?”

“Simple ones to make sure you’re okay. Just answer them truthfully. Yes or no. You don’t need to give details.”

She was tapping away on her phone and you reached for your water bottle, uneasily shifting your gaze between her and the television. A new episode of had already begun to autoplay -- you had no idea what was happening.

“Ready?” she asked and you could only shrug in response. “Now, these are questions about him, okay? First one -- does he admit to his mistakes? Does he accept responsibility for his behavior?”

No.

Well, sometimes. He seemed… apologetic enough with the whole lab incident. That’s admitting a mistake, right?

“Yes,” you lied, gripping your water bottle tighter, trying to keep the same apathetic face.

Yume pursed her lips but continued.

“Does he accept your word? Give you the benefit of the doubt?”

I mean, there was the whole hero fucker comment. But you told him you only had eyes for him. He trusts you…

Right?

“Yes…” you answered, though there was some uncertainty in your tone. Catching yourself, you nodded firmly at Yume, an attempt to make it seem as if the wording of the question had tripped you up, not what it was asking.

“Does he ask, not expect? Is he willing to comprise? Does he accept change?”

… Yes? Well, no. But also yes.

Mostly no.

“Yes,” you said after a tight swallow. “We haven’t been seeing each other for very long, so it’s hard to answer these types of questions--”

“Does he refuse to intimidate or manipulate? Does he respect physical space and express himself non-violently?”

That’s a hard no.

“Yes,” you responded. Yume lowered her phone, looking at you tiredly. You flared up. “Yes! Listen, if you’re not going to believe me--”

“Does he communicate openly and truthfully?”

Maybe? Well, he refused to tell you his name…

“Most of the time, yes.”

She didn’t like that answer. Her frown grew in size.

“Last question -- does he value your opinions? Does he listen non-judgmentally? Is he understanding?”

Is he understanding? You had to keep yourself from releasing a sharp laugh. No, you wouldn’t call All Might particularly understanding.

“Yes!” you answered. “Yes, yes, yes! What is this? What are you trying to get at?”

“Basic questions to determine if your relationship is healthy.” She turned her phone toward you so you could see the chart she had been reading from. “Any ‘no’ is a red flag.”

You were rubbing your face again, mussing your eyebrows as your hands traveled over your eyes. There was a pinching inside your skull -- you weren’t sure if it was a headache brewing or the side-effect of the adrenaline from your disagreement.

“You always do this,” you snapped, glaring at her when you removed your palms from your eyes. “You always come in and make me feel like shit about my life.”

Yume looked dumbstruck, caught off-guard by the venom in your voice.

“I never want to make you feel like bad--!”

“That’s bullshit.” You could feel anger and nerves pricking the back of your neck, making your hands shake and heart pound. “I get it Yume. Honestly, I do. You’re the golden child. The one who has her life together.”

“I think we’re getting off topic here,” Yume said, holding up her hands to try and settle you down. “I just want you to be happy and safe!”

But you couldn’t. She had opened the Pandora’s Box of your emotions and all your stress over the past couple of weeks manifested itself into anger.

Anger at her.

“I’m the fuck-up of the group.” Your lip was curling slightly as your hold on your water tightened. “The girl who got fired from her first good job. Who went and worked at her shitty lab with her night shifts while everyone else went on to live their perfect lives. You always have to swoop in to save me, don’t ya Yum? First in school, now in the real world.”

An awkwardness was settling over the room. You were ready to unleash while Yume was more taken aback. She had only seen you get mad a few times over minor stuff. This… this was something more.

“Hey--”

“You’re not my mother. I don’t need you to coddle me. Rescue me. I didn’t need the Odaiba Lab job. I was doing just fine on my own.”

You felt drained -- you didn’t have the personality or motivation to go after your best friend.

A tense silence blanketed your living room, neither one of you wanting to break.

A minute passed. Then two.

You didn’t like it. You weren’t one to snap out in anger.

You were so stressed.

“I was doing fine,” you reiterated, but it was less toward Yume. How many personal storms had you weathered? How many times did you think your life was on the brink of capsizing, only for the clouds to break and the rain to stop? “I’ve always been fine. I always made it work.”

A beeping started going off from the kitchen. Yume eyes flickered in the direction it was coming from before falling back on you.

It was okay.

It always ended up okay.

“I don’t know what I have with him,” you grumbled, ignoring the loud and repetitive sound in the background. You had fixated on a pillow. You were talking at the pillow. “He’s not the best person in the world. He has his issues. And it might not be healthy. But I like him. And I think…” You shrugged at the pillow. “I think I can handle him.”

“But long-term?” You heard a sigh. “I… I don’t want you to cling to someone because you don’t want to be alone.”

Don’t want to be alone.

“What are these, the best years of our lives?” She continued with a wry smile you didn’t see. “Don’t waste time on someone who doesn’t deserve you. You’re worth more than that. That’s all I’m going to say.”

You still wouldn’t look up, the beeping was continuing and Yume cleared her throat.

“I know you can handle yourself,” she added and you flinched, already regretting your outburst. “I only step in because I want you to be at your best. I want you to be happy. I’d offer to stop but… I don’t think I could if I wanted to.”

You cracked a smile at that. 

At least she was being honest.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

“The potatoes are done,” you mumbled, standing. “I’ll get ‘em.”

[kuranalex]

What is the perfect ending for Kaname?

It’s not a secret for anyone that I love Yume, it's simply perfect, the love between them, the passion that overflows is wonderful, that why Yume is and always will be my favorite couple of all time..

It's true that zero and yuki had hundreds years together, they got a family and for sure they had many moments of happiness, but even so, zeki never had and never will the sense of eternity of Yume, that love that surpasses anything, where there is no time, space or person to interfere in their feelings that both feel in each of their "multiple" lives, where they seek each other and find nothing but moments, it is sad, but beautiful and deep at the same time, because that kind of love happens only once in a lifetime.

However, even though I love yume with all my soul, I love Kaname EVEN MORE, so here is where I asking myself: What is the perfect ending for Kaname?

I know that many want Yuki brought back to life so they can be together as it has to be, honestly I don't see this option too viable, and personally I don't like that much, it's like "I lived a thousand years with one and now some years with the other one" and everyone happy, but that's not how it works, from my point of view it would be something gross and pitiful even for a bad writer like Hino ... but i'm talking about me, but if I think about Kaname, surely for him it would be fine, since he has a new life in which he doesn't even remember her, but knows that he loved her deeply.

The other scenario is Kaname falling in love for someone else and may have a full life as human. This idea like me, because my Kaname that I love with madness, the one who has experienced the deepest loneliness deserves to be alone even in his life as human? NO, just NOT ... Kaname doesn’t deserve to have someone to wait for him at home, cook for him, to draw a smile on his face, someone to share his days and nights, to be spoiled for a girl, someone to dress (and undress ) for him? Nobody deserves it more !!!!  Kaname deserves to be happy for a fucking time in life, nobody can be happy living only from memories, Kaname knew that very well and that's why he asked Yuki to accept Zero's feelings.

But then.. if that happens… WHAT ABOUT YUME? Yume is not going in just one direction, going in two ways, if Yuki could get a family and have some happiness while remained loving Kaname, Kaname can't  do the same? Why expect that loyalty only from him? Because he is human and lives so much less, and Yuki being eternal couldn't stay alone forever? It's like the eternal discussion about yuki's smile... Only she deserved to have a smile on her face? I mean, Yuki didn't put a smile on Kaname's face either, I come back and repeat, it goes in two ways.

With this I don't mean that they didn't love each other, on the contrary, they loved each other so much and so deeply, but that love prevented them from being totally happy, I guess that's why many people see their love sick and obsessive, and it really is, so sickly that refuses to die, they have spent all their life trying to find each other, in the past or in the present, even in the future, which I do not doubt will happen, but as always, it will be for a moment.

So ...  YUME dies if Kaname falls in love with someone else? The answer is NO, just as it did not die when Yuki got a family with zero, and this is because the love between them will never die, they will always remember each other, always long for each other, and always love each other, but could never be together, at least not physically, because she is already part of him, ALL her heart, not half, not a part, ALL her heart kept it for 1000 years to give it to him and now he knows and feels it.

To say Yume dies by not being physically together is an insult, because Yume is not to be physically with the other, is to be with the other from the mind, the soul and heart, that’s why Yuki after 1000 years can say "to you whom I love so much" as if it were the first day.

 At this point,  it’s not that Yume dies because they "were happy" with somebody else, but in spite of that someone else, they will never stop loving each other, no matter if they are humans, vampires, dead or alive, in this lies their tragic love story, in which both Kaname and Yuki had to settle for a life of unfulfilled desires because they could never be together.