#I HAVE NOTHING TO DOOOO
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This has got to be one of the weirdest start of a new job I've ever had
#This is chaotic to say the least LMAO#I'm given no work. Like. NO work#I keep asking for work because I can't stand being a work but not having any work#but I'm told that I need to wait for a colleague to come back from sick leave ????#I HAVE NOTHING TO DOOOO#my coworker I share an office with is really nice at least#also no one introduced me to the other coworkers#no one made me visit the place I work at#it's so strange y'all it's so strange#I don't even have a computer yet I literally can't do anything#what the fuck#hopefully things get better because bruh#just give me some work to do#nekro yapping
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Follow up from last post. I think my school blocked AO3 on it’s wifi. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?????
#ao3#I HAVE NOTHING TO DOOOO#I NEED MY FUCKING GUYS#I may not look like it irl but I’m LOSING MY SHIT#AAAAAAHHHHHH#please 😭#god please
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thank you @slashsleuth for the tag 😁 i havent done a little game in a long time
last song: fruit roll ups by waterparks
fav color: purple 💜😈💟🪻
last book: the absinthe underground by jamie pacton (it was ok)
last movie: wicked
last tv show: abbott elementary
sweet/savory/spicy: sweet usually
relationship status: single 😊
last thing i googled: the absinthe underground (needed the author lmao) before that it was turbulent waterparks chords
current obsession: ive been watching a lottt of jet lag lately!!! super fun travel show!!
looking forward to: signed parx print coming in the mail today 🫶🏼
tagging: @bergoozter @trashworldblog @outer-space-face @22psyduck :-)
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#ome’s arts💥#sketch#ipad mini#procreate#shadamy#i have nothing cool to offer but have these really messy sketchiesss#UUURGHHH i’m in the most terrible corners of art block rn#i need helpppp#😭😭😭😭😭#i should maybe …. um !!! work on that illustration i’ve been wanting to doooo#for a while …
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gonna admit uhh vicagent is the only ava ship so far that i feel ""safe"" posting on this blog.............. do any of you looking at this want me to post other ava ship stuff orwhat please PLEASE LET ME KNOW PLEAAAAAAAASE
#alan becker#animator vs animation#ava#ava victim#ava agent#ava vicagent#vicagent#sorry i jsut really like victims dress.um#nothing like good ol yuri before bed!#or yaoi#whatever#“anyway lilac wdym by the caption??? are you scared topost specific ava shipstuff or what??”#yeaah sorry its jst. sometimes people hc different thingsregarding the hollows and cg and i want to appeal to them but i also like....ships#like some hcs have cg as related#samething with the hollows#to clarify. i headcanon cg as close buuut not in a sibling way nor romantic way thougb i will do shipart for the funny#same headcanon thing with the hollows.kindof. MAIN point they arent exactly related besides tco and tsc (this is also in the hc sure)#uuuuguhghgh what do i doooo#ISANYONE EVEN READING THESE TAGS siiigh#why am i ranting in tags anywayIN A POST ABOUT GAY STICKS#ijust hope someone is seeing this and willsay anything about this somehow. please reassure me please#what was i doingOH YEAH#woah ships!!#lilacsart
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i want to write jason & natalia but head so scattered.....
#its not anything grand really#just a fic of them sitting & chatting on a rooftop. there's a breeze carrying a faint spray of rainwater after a thunderstorm has died down#they're watching the moon#natalia tucks one of jays curls behind his ear & cups his face & tells him she missed him#tells him shes glad he is alive#& jay can do nothing but blink back tears because when has anyone ever said that?#that theyre glad hes back? [except talia ofc]#he gets to hide his face in someone's neck like he's fifteen again & can be held#he gets to be loved again#fuuuuck dude talia mention just gave me the vision of writing jason introducing talia & natalia#im not sayin theyre besties but the three of them could definitely go out for some fancy dining & exchange notes on wine & how fucking#stupid bruce is 💗#truly believe they wouldnt want to discuss bruce at first but when they do natalia helps talia take that final step of letting her misplace#affection for him go. SAID AS A BRUTALIA SHIPPER BTW#idk i just think them being bittersweet divorcees is The Flavour but talia loves fiercely & deeply & will def need a hot second to truly le#go of the idea of being with him. shes extremely logical & ruthless ofc & will NAWT gaf abt some guy who doesnt treat her right#i KNOW but you must understand. they were deeply fond of each other. bruce however has the problem of wanting to fuck gotham fr#whereas talia is normal to an extent. so. yea she does take her time & looking at all the shit that jason went thru at his hands + nat's#support would be the last straw methinks. i don't think theyre capable of hating each other fully ever but.#she finally lets go.#wait where was i. JASON NATALIA & TALIA TRIO. RIGHT. ugh guysssss what do i doooo#i have a zine fic to complete but also that jay leaves the bats wip is haunting me + That One dick & jay fic that has me by the throat#& now this.#theres several other wips ofc but these are in the forefront of my mind.#feel like i should give up on all of these & resort to being an aftg girlie exclusively. i have had jean & neil thoughts for YEARS#the vindication i felt when the new trilogy explored their dynamic??? ethereal. unmatchedddd.#or i should just. stop writing 🙂↕️#can't be haunted by visions you don't even plan on bringing to fruition thumbs up emoji. thats a good plan#veering off into intrusive thoughts territory lolololololol
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GONNA TRY AND MAKE YEASTED BREAD TOMORROW
#Let's see if I actually doooo it#i made a sourdough boule (1) time but i dont think i've evet made yeasted bread#i have yeast and bread flour and ap flour and whole wheat flour and hell. i even have a kitchenaid stand mixer#nothing can stop me !!!!!#except myself. if i get sleepytired#ls*#tw all caps
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HHHHHHhhhhh i dunno what to draww 😭
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(trying out a tumblr vent, don't mind me)
#when will i stop getting fucking COLD FLUSHES of anxiety in flirty interactions#i know it's related to anxiety about having to set boundaries that i don't fully know myself#and the fear of having to communicate when they've changed in ways i don't think the other person will “like”#the stresses of being asexual in the dating scene#i'm talking to a guy at the moment and i'm attracted to him#but he just made a jokey comment about making out which is a totally normal flirty thing to say#but immediately my body has flooded the adrenaline (not in the good way) like i'm being hunted for sport#and i KNOW if i communicate to him that i don't know if i want that he'll probably understand#and i KNOW that most people won't push deliberately when you say you want to take things slow#but there's just such a strong perceived pressure that it takes almost nothing from the other person for that fear to bubble up#i hate hard conversations and i hate not being able to go with the flow on things#and being “difficult”#and i don't know anyone else i can talk to who feels this way for ideas on how to work around it#i genuinely think this is the biggest thing holding me back#after my first kiss i got so anxious and wrapped up in my head because i didn't like it that much; that ALL of my feelings towards that#person went sour and i lost all attraction to them#literally how do you work around THAT#it feels like everyone around me has the physical/sexual attraction to fall back on when they're unsure#but i don't have that#literally what do you even DOOOO with this hhHGHGHGHGUHURGHUGUGHGH
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Two daysssss until I can try and get old art of mine off the old desktop hard drive dude I am so fucking excited.
#ramblings#if theres anything particularly good i might rb this and dump the highlights lollll#were talking like 2012/2013 up to like miiiid 2017 ?#i realized that if i want the rest of 2017 im gonna have to ask if they still have that laptop i used during that time but idk if i want to#those not caught up on the karl lore some really stupid/ shitty stuff happened late 2017 and it still messes with me a tad#it has nothing to do with that laptop and i dont rlly think my parents would remember tbh?#but its a sore/ awkward topic for me even tho its been nearly 6 years lmfao#i doooo wonder if that old laptop still works i could access some accounts ive been missing#(also would be fucking awesome to private my old youtube account bc i dooonnnt want that stuff public anymore)#<- my current youtube is fine but i had one in 2017 with my given name attached to it cuz i didnt know how to change the channel name#so. yk :/#UH FUCK i didnt wanna go off about that stuff uh anyways#i was surprised by how into the idea my dad was but tbh it makes sense. he has a lottt of hard drives he wants to go through so o7#hes making me do it first so i can tell him how it works and tbhhhh its kinda funny. girl its like a build ur own usb-stick#(hes in his 50s tho so whatever he can be a little technologically illiterate. as a treat)
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ive been crazy bored lately whats my problem
#theres nothing i want to watch or read or play or do.. and its been like a week aughh#like i have been reading & watching & playing stuff but its just. im pushing myself to do it and then if im lucky and chose the right#thing for that moment i enjoy it for a while and as soon as its over im back to a state of 'what should i doooo'#and generally when phases like that hit me its bc its summer and i havent done anything but be on my computer for weeks and the way to get#out of it is just. go outside see some friends. but i Have been going outside i have seen friends and classmates and family i have tried#new things in the last weeks so. whats wronggg#anywya. ill take a shower and see if that helps anything :')#txt
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numbers is closed tonight _(:ì」∠)_
#i have nothing else to doooo#i was looking forward to going oooouuuut#at least today went well though!#thank you all for the birthday wishes ;u;
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if I have to replace my laptop I’m gonna cry
#why is it being so slow and why does it keep having issues with the motherboard!!! they literally just replaced it!!#well. they said they did#it keeps having errors and needing to restart but now it’s like. open and on. but nothing is loading up!! I can only see part of the desktop#like. what. hello#it was working perfectly fine a week ago what do I doooo
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hehe crying on the clock bc my pain is so bad today,
and my job makes it worse,
And doing any basic life tasks like dishes makes it worse,
And I have a doctor appt in a few weeks abt it but they probably won’t help me (nothing doctors have done so far has helped and most of them don’t believe me abt how debilitating the pain is or how resistant to treatment it’s been)
andddd I just have to keep working thru the pain bc if I don’t I will be homeless :)))
#I’m so upsetti andjjsmsksk#like what am I supposed to doooo#I’ve tried everything I’ve spent money I don’t have on physical therapy that’s not covered and new ergonomic this and that#to try to reduce the pain#but nothing helps and doctors help less than anything else#I’m freaking awwwwwt ajsjsksk
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i dont wanna feel like this anymore i want to cry
#i dont know how to pull myself out of this mindset on my own and im in enough pain i cant really focus on anything#i have no idea what to doooo i have one day off and ive got nothing to do with it but sit here and ache whats the point#might as well be working anyway what the fuck else am i gonna do! complain?! what a waste! what a waste of a fucking life!
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just blew all my funds in star rail in some manic episode and accidentally got topaz's lc when i was trying to get moze's... no topaz tho 😔
#what do i doooo#i literally have nothing#but i feel like i need topaz now i have her lc#but i want dhils lc#and avens e1#and sunday and his lc#ARRGHHH#i have not spent any money on this game since argentis first run#and the jys first run before that#like. i can afford it#but....#my money :(#personal
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