#I HAVE SOME STUFF SPOILED FOR ME BUT UGH I KNOW IM GONNA LIKE… FALL IN LOVE WITH HER LMAO

[teehee-vibes]

I think I’m in hell (can’t stop thinking about fnc)

[weebsinstash]

Ok so finished watching Across The Spiderverse in theaters and here are my thoughts, under readmore so you guys won't get spoiled cause I'll mention plot shit

Nonspoiler review: these movies really are works of art, both visually and in sound. They draw on very relatable and powerful emotions of wanting to fit in, feeling like you belong, feeling like you're important, are you doing the right thing, are you living up to the expectations of others. These are the kinds of movies that could introduce people to the franchise and even if you're not into superheroes the emotion and visuals and writing itself is spectacular. Definitely a movie I could own and rewatch later

Now, here's my takes with more spoilers

-Miguel is actually so snarky and sassy. He is 100% done the entire movie and he's sarcastic or condescending almost every time he opens his mouth. He has a sense of humor it's just more mean spirited lmao "well you're gonna have to shut up and trust me" saying "how wonderful" sarcastically to Miles, being all "spiderverse? No thats dumb, its called the Arachnid poly multiverse, which, I guess sounds just as dumb"

-seeing him on the big screen really was like wow. He could be go from being sort of a dork to being so imposing and threatening, like, there was a small part where he steps closer to Miles as a silent intimidating gesture because hes so much taller, he could be so stone faced and cold when things got serious when Miles wasnt taking his warnings, but initially he was trying to be more compassionate, just, mwah, definitely going to help with any writing endeavors and characterizations of this man

-just seeing how the wristwatches and "daypasses" work is useful for any fanfic ideas I'm having ;) but holy shit you could just glitch until you die? I much prefer the concept of "Reader somehow whether being a mutant or an anomaly or just lucky gets transported to other dimensions instead or just back home"

-God just. Gwen's opening was amazing I don't even know how to describe it. When she's recounting her past and she's starting to talk about Miles while she's playing the drums and her drum playing keeps getting more and more intense, her music angry and frustrated and powerful as she keeps saying "and he's not the only one", speaking of his pain and isolation and how she feels connected to him, just, the way these movies write relationships between people and emotions is so human

-Spider Cat my beloved. LEGO Spiderman my beloved. Plushie Spiderman my beloved. Sun Spider is a fancharacter and got a speaking role. The thick, plus size, and fat spiders. Just the variety. It really is fun to imagine a Spidersona and feel represented kwim

-Jesus the intro to Mumbattan was insane. The way these movies constantly have you flying and falling through the air and falling through multiple levels and layers as objects whiz by, the music, the choreography. Just. The visuals and music the entire movie was insane

-HOBIE! definitely a fucking star. He's smart enough to build his own watch dude!! Love that guy. Definitely see him being in some stuff of mine as a helping hand if nothing else. Hobie helping Reader out during the YouTwo drama by offering you safe haven in his universe?

-I'm guessing Miguel has to give himself regular, spider nanomachine whatever injections? His powers kind of seem to have changed from his comic book a little bit. In the comics he has organic webs and was atomically spliced with spider dna but in the movie I think it's all technology idk? Correct me if im wrong, maybe they're red and glowing in the comics too 🤷‍♀️

-something something "smutty story where Miguel boyches a formula and turns himself into like a possessive horny borderline pure animal in heat and of course you're the lucky lady to stumble into him first"

-I got the bunny filter version of Lyla by the way!

Ugh this movie has me filled with so many emotions and also I snuck alcohol into the theaters and was on an edible gummy so I was FEELING this movie and just. Definitely two of my all time favorite movies

[sapphosdickandballs]

iiiii feel like ive been sending you too many asks as of late but i just am starting something to talk about. its due tomorrow so uhhh im gonna binge read it. ive got several things to read lol.

i didnt want to start another book right away cause id finished pride and prejudice and pittsburgh yesterday-ish after reading the majority during my shift- and OH YEAH.

i was so- stand offish at first about it because i thought it was so... goofy how the timetravel mechanic worked but literallyyyyy- stick it out. ugh it was so good???? i loved it. IT WAS GREAT. literally is everything. AND i think its a def rec. im not gonna spoil much but yeahhhhh lol.

is it better than she gets the girl? no not imo but like they're both rly good books.

i was listening to it during work and audrey had mentioned phoebe bridgers and my voice cracked bc i deadass gasped and shouted "PHOEBE???" making like two ppl look at me very confused 💀😭. "moon song" mention !!!! 🗣🔥🔥🔥🎶 . i love audrey for that. why am i always so shocked when someone mentions her in wlw books- anygays... proud!!! good choice. im in love with books that name drop music like that *looks at ols <3* i love punisher as an album sm ughh so that makes me 10x happier.

uhh- low key?? side note. after i sent you the previous ask abt books ghost LITERALLY sent me an epub of the falling in love montage without me asking or anything- like straight up just sent it to me 🫡. HAVEN'T READ IT YET BUT I HAVE AQUIRED IT.

oh and another thing.. i know what i said about not liking delilah green doesn't care and you taking it off of your tbr. i wanted to say- i think you should read it anyway. i would like to see you disagree with me not liking it or have a conversation about it and your thoughts. because- EVEN if i don't like it- i think you should have your own say on if you want or should read it. and like- i think itd be interesting to get your perspective or thoughts?? i wouldn't bump it high on the list or anything but i do think you should read it anyway. what i may not like, you could. i don't want you to miss out on that lol. hope that makes sense?? i can go into explanation on why i didn't like it then too. i went on a 15 min deep dive through voice notes with ghost after i finished it so 😭.

ghost managed to get me another wlw book i look forward to reading soon but i feel like this might be getting too long. i saw some art and i was sold. its like- enemies to lovers during the apocalypse?? it gives me tlou energy w the premise and thats speaking to me w my ellabs hyperfixation 🫡. obv not tlou but yeah. HAVEN'T EVEN PLAYED TLOU EITHER UGH BUT I WANT TO. anygays that tis all.

ifffff and when u finish kiss her once for me dooooo lmk. ik u said you had uni stuff and might be busy so obviously no rush or pressure but do lmk whenever that is!! i would love to infodump more but idk what else to say atm lol but i hope this isn't too annoying <3. i like sending u reading asks n stuff!!

you are not sending me too many at all! Your asks have been making my day every time I get them <3 and I’ll add that to my list! I love time travel stories so imma eat it up. I haven’t read in like 2 weeks 😭 and unis starting soon😭😭😭 but the second I can muster up reading energy I’ll finish kiss her once for me :]

[the-hate-keeps-me-warm]

kisses and cuddles

wooooooooo time for some more fluffy shit yall i loved making this so much this sorta relted to my weed garden fic but you dont need to read it (be cool tho)

Ruby was sitting in the cafeteria with Oscar and penny she was too tired to pay attention to what the two were talking about penny sitting across from her and Oscar was excitedly talking about something while Oscar liens looking interested she’s unsure how he’s so put together they were both up late hanging out dreading comics and it’s only 7 am she leaned on Oscar and closed her eyes hoping to get a little more sleep before She had to do missions she had a relatively short one today only a search and destroy so maybe she could get home fast and take a nap Oscar nudged her shoulder and she lifted her head “hey don’t fall asleep if you don’t eat you’ll be grumpy” he says she fakes a pout and starts eating the gross cafeteria food she assumed that atlas food would be good sense it’s so many rich folks but no she’s actually had  better tasting mres or maybe she was just getting spoiled eating Oscar and rens cooking “ruby why are you so tired did you have trouble sleeping” penny says drawing circles on the table with her finger “no me and Oscar were up late last night and I only slept like three hours“ penny frowns “while I am happy you and Oscar are spending time together you require at least 6 hours of sleep for maximum field efficiency” ruby just nods “so why don’t you seem tired Oscar you couldn’t of slept anymore than I did” she says with a yawn he shrugs and says  “I guess I’m used to it I had to wake up early back home so I always didn’t get a bunch of sleep” penny raises a finger “actually according to my scans  Oscars brain is only running at 89% efficiency and his hear rate is faster from his normal 48 beats per minute to to 51 it is likely that he simply better at hiding his tiredness” Oscar slumps “penny do have everyone’s heart rates memorized” he says exasperated “yes I also have all of your medical charts on file and criminal records why” he raises a brow “criminal record?” Penny nods “yes several of your team have criminal records qrow having the longest with 22 counts of public intoxication as well as 3 of public indecency and” ruby raises her hands “trust me you don’t wanna know the rest they had to make a new law for one of the things he did but who else has charges?” she tries to wake herself with conversation and it sorta works she also learns some new and unsettling things about her friends but eventually breakfast ends and she starts to get her gear ready she’s loading rounds into one of crescent roses magazine when someone knocks on the door to her locker room “it’s open” she calls out and incomes  Oscar he’s holding a small Tupperware box and a small metal tumbler “hey I wanted to give this to you before you go” he says with a sheepish grin he sets the box next to her and hands her the tumbler it’s warm and smells good “it’s coffee, don’t worry I added way too much sugar for you and the other thing is a surprise you said you don’t eat a lot on missions so I made it for you it’s a bit of an experiment so tell me if it’s bad” she’s grinning ear to ear and stands up from her weapon bench and hugs him “you are the best and I’m sure it’ll be great” she gives him a kiss on the cheek she’s been slowly trying to work her way up to kissing him on the lips but nose and cheek kisses were enough for her he smiles and his cheeks get all rosey  and he hugs her back and says “be careful ok sorry I know you can take care of yourself but just you know“ she squeezes him a little “yeah don’t worry I know  I’ll be careful and when I get back we are so taking a nap mister I’m not that tired” he giggles and looks up at her with a smile  “you won’t hear me complain and uh before you go could I uh kiss you like um on the lips” he says nervously she leans down pressing her forehead to his and smiles she smells his breath it smells like chocolate and coffee she feels her cheeks heat up to match his and says “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now are you sure you want to ” he nods his head wordlessly she takes his hand and gently presses her lips to his its short and maybe a little clumsy but it makes her heart soar when she breaks the kiss Oscars breath shakes slightly  and a little panic starts to fill her did she mess it up did he hate it and then he smiles and it all fades away “that was really nice” he says rubbing her knuckle with his thumb then there’s a knock on the door frame she looks up and weiss and Blake are standing there weiss looks annoyed and Blake is grinning “time to go ruby morning Oscar” wiess says already turning to walk away ruby quickly gathers crescent rose and Oscars gifts and says “bye Oscar I’ll be careful byeee” and dashed out the door behind the others Blake nudges her shoulder “your lucky I made weiss wait  ,god you two are adorable” ruby squeaks “will you stop spying on us”  “we weren’t spying you two dolts left the door open” weiss says annoyed 

 The mission was boring as she thought it was gonna be how normal soldiers couldn’t handle this she’ll never know on the airship ride home she opens   the box Oscar gave to her a note on top says “have a great day and stay safe” she smiles at the note and sticks it in her ammo pocket  it looks like a brownie is some kind and yang leans over and says “where did you get that”

“Oscar made it for me” she says taking it out of the container it smells like a peanut butter protein bar “ooo come on share with me pleassss” yang says putting her hands together “ugh your lucky I’m a good sister” she breaks off a small piece and hands it to yang and takes a bite of her own and it’s amazing it Taste like a peanut butter brownie but somehow better it’s somehow not dried out or crumbly yang seems to have a similar opinion “god if you don’t marry Oscar i will his food is too good”yang says with a laugh  she kicks yang in the leg “I know right I can barely eat the cafeteria food anymore” her and yang chat a bit about food until they finally land Oscar is standing on the landing pad waiting for her she bounce on her heels excitedly despite how tired she is when the door finally opens she rushes out to hug him “how did it go” he asks wrapping his arms around her shoulders “oh it was easy but soooo boring I don’t know why they asked us to do it” she says leaning into him he chuckles “well I’m glad it wasn’t dangerous at least did you like it” he asks sheepishly she puts her head on his “yeees brothers it was great what was it” he unwraps his arms and looks at her “there’s no name for it yet but it’s kinda like a protein brownie was it too grainy or anything what about the after taste” he asks “I didn't even realize it was supposed to be healthy” she puts her hands on his shoulders “Oscar I’m gonna need more of that” he smiles “happy to make some more tonight” he says proudly yang walks past and ruffles his hair “make sure to make enough for me too kiddo” and walks off “how about that nap ruby my teams still on mission so we should have some time” he says taking her hand “yes please” 

They walk back to team alpns dorm room after ruby changes into something more casual Oscar was already wearing his normal clothing he sits on his bed and smiles “I’m gonna get to have two naps today” she sits down next to him and throws her arm around him "you and your team  sure like your naps huh" he smiles as they lie back on his bed "honestly who doesn't like naps I never use to be a huge cuddler but it’s nice to have someone close to you, you know” they lie back Oscar resting his head on rubies shoulder “well I do  wish my team took naps together sometimes yang is a big cuddler too but Weiss  doesn’t like being warm and Blake can’t sit still even so less than you” he snorts as he takes her hand running his thumbs along her knuckles  “well I’m sure the others wouldn’t mind you joining our naps if have to ask but i'll warn you ren sits up in his sleep  Jaune snores and i talk in my sleep” she raises an eyebrow “you didn't last time” she says “that's cause we were smoking  but if i take a nap or if im really tired you can actually talk and I'll talk back” she grins “well what do you talk about”  he rests his head on her chest “usually about my aunt or all yall but Nora has told me i say lots of stuff about you if i'm asked” he says his cheeks getting just a tiny bit rosy she grins and plants a kiss on his nose “well i hope i get the chance to ask but i'll probably fall asleep first im super tired” she rolls over and wraps herself around him oscar adjusting to lay on her arm pulling a blanket over them "well if you can get me to talk I'll answer any question just nothing to embarrassing please" he says  “i would like to know what you have to say tho so maybe i'll try to hold out just a bit longer” she says closing her eyes as oscar lets out his relaxed sigh about half of Oscars communication was nonverbal she liked to mentally catalog the things he does when he relaxes he lets out a long almost high pitched sigh it makes her happy to hear that and it helps her relax her thoughts starts to get fuzzy as sleep takes her she wakes up a few hours later laying on her back oscar laying on top of her them both having wrapped around each other she hears quiet murmurs  coming from him to quiet to understand "Oscar are you still asleep" she whispers no response "Oscar are you comfy" he nods his head "of course I'm comfy I'm cuddling with ruby" she snickers he was definitely still asleep "who's the coolest person you know" she she's "ruby for sure she's so good at fighting and everyone trusts her I wish I was more like her" she runs her hand through his hair "how do you feel about ruby " she asked "I'm in love with her she makes me feel strong and weak at the same time when she's with me I feel like I'm safe and that we could do anything together i want to be with her forever" she's crying now "oh shit I didn't expect him to be that honest" she thinks as tears run down her face "I love you too Oscar"     she kisses the top of his head “you know i never used to want like romantic stuff and all the fluffy garbage i just wanted to be a huntress and fight grim stuff like that but you  make me want that stuff i wanna take you on dates and like hold your hand and stuff there are a bunch of things i wanna do like” she pauses resting her head on his “i forgot you were asleep for a second i'm starting to embarrass myself i do love you tho i dont know when your supposed to say that we've only been i guess dating for what 2 and a half weeks my dad always joked that huntsmen relationships move really fast nothing like holy shit we might die to move a relationship forward right but you make me feel like i don't know amazing and I love being with you you make all my worries disappear even if it's only for a little bit and i'm rambling and your not talking back” oscar lifts his head “its cause im awake and i love it when you ramble” she feels her face light on fire “w-what when did you wake up” he hums happily “around we might die  i think it was nice that stuff you said you can ramble longer if you want what that new gun you saw in that magazine” she smiles “it's a roller delayed blowback sniper rifle its a smaller caliber than crescent rose but it has a longer effective range because of the way the bore is shaped i prefer bolt actions to semi automatics for a long range rifle semi autos have there merits and stuff it's a lot lighter than crescent rose as well on account of it not also being a giant scythe you know i was thinking about carrying a pistol too crescent rose is great but shes heavy and she's also really hard to conceal  even when shes folded speaking of i need to clean her gears a bunch of dust got in them today you said you wanted to learn weapon maintenance i could teach you today if you want” “sure i can learn there's a lot of things oz knows but it's like a big library without a librarian its all jumbled up” she scratches the back of his neck “well i do not understand the dewey decimal system but i'm happy to help” they both giggle at her joke ruby keeps rambling until the rest of team alpn return 

Oscar is walking ruby back to her dorm they come to her door and they turn to face each other and oscar rubs his hands together “so ruby uh I got permission with ironwood to leave school grounds as long as someone's with me so I was wondering if you’d like to maybe go out like on a date” she smiles and puts her arms around his shoulders “sounds amazing sweetie I’m free this weekend where do you want to go” he blushes and says “well I actually have something in mind but I wanna keep it a surprise if that’s ok” she kisses him on the cheek “of course casual clothes or should i dress nice” he shakes his head “i mean it's really up to you but were not going somewhere fancy just a place I think you'll like" she smiles and kisses his nose and he leans up a little so there lips are level "can i kiss you again" he asks just above a whisper her pressing her lips gently against his is her answer they  hold the kiss for a few moments Oscars hands drifting to ruby's waist when they separate  she says "i think we're getting pretty good at that" Oscar smiles avoiding her eyes "yeah um It's certainly enjoyable" they break the hug "I'll see you in the morning I'll make that stuff you like ok" he says "yes awesome you're the best Oscar good night" she says as she slips into her from her teammates giving her knowing smirks 

[kiddiesmores]

hai asf KCHBKBHFV i really love love ur blog and i was wondering if i could request a tsukki x top male reader smut wherein the reader gets jealous bc tsukki keeps spending more time with kuroo HAHAHHAHA

warning: vv nsfw. bratty subby tsukki! dom reader. kinda angsty. kuroo just be chillin. dirty talk. tsukkis kinda ooc but oh well.

i hope you enjoy lovebug <3

Bad manners? Bad communication.

“You’re aware you’re not the only person I talk to, I can hang out with as many people as I want.”

“I never said that tsukki, all I said was that you’ve been spending a lot of time with kuroo and you haven’t spoken to me in 2 weeks.”

Training camp went on for two weeks, you being at basketball, and tsukki at volleyball. The whole two weeks you tried to get in contact. You knew he brought his phone so why isnt he texting you back? Is he sleepy? That has to be it.

Right?

Now camps over, still no fucking contact. So yeah youre a little fed up that your boyfriend isn’t texting you, but hey, he’s still posting that rooster haired bitch on his story.

Of course you had nothing against kuroo, you and kuroo met through tsukishima. But fuck can he give you your baby back :(.

New notification

Hyëënuh: you seem pissed lately what’s up with you?

You looked down at your phone, kuroo texted you. How sweet.

You: Tsukki hasnt talked to me in weeks, idk if i did anything but 💔

Hyëënuh: bruh. want me to cancel me and his plans so you both can hang out? maybe yknow...👉🏼👈🏼 wink wonk

Ohoho kuroo tetsurou you sly bitch

You: Ugh youre so gross, i love the way you think 😼

Hyëënuh: 😼🤙🏼

And thats how you and tsukki got to where you are now 😀. Arguing in your kitchen.

You took in a deep breath and sat down at the table, your head in your hands. “I just,” you sighed, “Did I do something? Baby why are you not speaking with me? Do you like him?” Tsukki scoffed, “I’d never like him, don’t do that.”

Slowly walking up to your seat, tsukki ran a hand through your hair. “I didnt want to annoy you..” he whispered. You looked up, no longer a scowl on your boys face. Just those soft, doe eyes only meant for you to see. “Oh kei.. you? Annoy me? Never.”

Your arms sliding around his slim waist, pulling him down to sit on your lap. Rubbing up his back as tiny sniffles left his nose.

He was crying. “Don’t cry baby, It’s okay.”you cooed. “I didn’t want you to feel that way.” he choked.

Pulling his head into your shoulder, you kissed his tears and stroked his red cheeks. It’s out of character to ever see tsukishima like this. To everyone else at least. He’s your baby. Your salty, sexy, bratty baby.

Coaxing him with your voice, he slowly came out of his saddened head space, now needing some extra attention.

Those bedroom eyes. God you loved them. Especially after he got done crying? Ugh he’s breath taking. “You need something angel?” you ask, biting the soft flesh on his neck, destined to make dark mark. A mewl left his throat and he clutched onto your shirt, biting down on it not to make another sound.

“Oh no we can’t have that now can we?” you say, standing up with him wrapped around you. You held him by the thighs, walking to your bedroom.

Tossing him on the bed, you slowly slipped off your shirt, watching his eyes stare at you through those glasses. “You made me wait weeks for you tsukishima,” he shuddered at your tone, “I think you can wait a few minutes yeah?”

He was about to protest, “I-“

“Shut up.“

He closed his mouth. I guess he deserved that. Slowly his voice started to come back to him. You want him to be a brat, he’ll show you a brat.

Next thing you know his hand is down his pants, stroking himself and moaning obnoxiously.

Yeah, we’re definitely not having that. You thought, dropping your pants and walking over to the bratty boy. “Aww, how cute? You think you’re doing something huh?”

That bitch had the AUDACITY to smirk at you. “Feels better then you do anyway. Mmf-“

Shoving two fingers down his throat, tsukishima sucked harshly. “Oh i’m in for it.” He groaned mentally, licking and lubing up your fingers while you yanked his pants and underwear off, exposing him from the waist down. You retracted your finger from his mouth and trailed them down from his stomach to his pink hole.

“You ready kitten?” Tsukki nods. “Good, be a good boy and turn on your tummy for me. Can you do that?” He nods again, not trusting himself to talk. Especially when you talk so sweetly to him.

Opening the cap to the lube, you rubbed the gel on the two fingers tsukki sucked on.

Hearing the cap open, he turned his head to look at you with a “Was my sucking not enough?” scowl on his face.

“Just in case baby!” raising your hand in defense. He rolled his eyes and plopped his face back down into the comforter.

Finally, you entered one lubed finger into him, making him hiss. Moving it in and out at a steady pace, then adding the other finger. Tsukki started growing impatient, making him tense. “Mmm, trust the process baby. I can feel you tightening around my fingers, feels good yes but I think you can guess where I’d rather feel that. Hm?”

Tsukki grumbled for you to just fuck him already, making you laugh loudly. “Ah, leave me hanging for some weeks then ask for me to fuck you immediately? Have I spoiled you too rotten? Maybe I should teach you some manners.” You rambled, lubbing yourself up in the process. “My pillow prince. Here you are, ass up- back arched and you’re telling me what to do?”

You spanked one cheek without warning, and he screeched.

“Thats what I thought. You do need proper training again, I guess all your manners left in those few weeks. A shame.”

Slipping into him, you both shared a deep moan, fuck. Feeling his insides clench around you like this? Even though he’s stretched? You could cum right here. It doesn’t feel like he’s been touching himself at all. Well, not his as at least.

Ugh, you’re so in love.

Too lost in your own thoughts, you didnt even notice tsukishima begging you to move.

“Please y/n, I’m used to it. Please move. Please fuck me, I need it. So bad.”

Another laugh, “There you go sweet boy, saying please. Maybe you do have some home training.”

You snapped your hips, finally all the way inside. His breathy moan leaving his mouth, clawing at your sheets. He needs more. So much more. The way you feel. He feels full. He feels hot.

He’s so ready. Ready for you to ruin him the way only you know how.

“Lets make the best of this, what do you say kei?”

He nodded frantically, feeling you slide out and push back in. “YES!”

A wicked smile grazed your lips as you thrusted and pushed inside the boy. Groans and moans bounced off the walls of your bedroom. Skin slapping and the bed creaking were also prominent but the only thing you wanted to hear was Kei. 

“How’s it feel baby? You like this? You look so pretty like this angel, fuck if you could see your face right now. So red and sweaty, those glasses fogging up.” 

“Ah, mmn, hnnnn” Was all you could get as a response. Tsukishimas fists were bawled up so tight, fighting himself not to cum yet.

He knew you hated when he came without permission. 

“Think kuroo could make you feel like this kei baby?” 

Wh-

“N-No. Never..” he whispers as your dick pounds into his aching hole. Your hands gripped his hips, making him slam against your pelvis. 

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck, dadd-AGH. Please, I’m gonna cum i’m gonna cum i’m gonna-” 

You shoved two fingers back into his mouth, which he sucked on again. 

Your body leaned forward, your lips by his ear, “Kei baby, You aren’t coming for a while. Even when you do i’m just gonna make you cum over and over until you feel numb. Maybe by the end that head of yours will finally have me imprinted so deep you will never forget who you belong to.”

Sadly, that pushed him over the edge. His body tensing, his hole tightening around you, making you halt your motions. The poor boys vision went white.

Sweat falling from his head and his breathing slowing down, tsukki looked back at you. Your hard stare made him shiver.

He’s in more trouble now.

He looked back at the head board.

“B-before you punish me,” he starts, “Let me take off my glasses..”

Annddd scene. I hope you guys liked it, it took a lot of energy ehehe. Im not too good at nsfw stuff yet and i’m still trying to see what works and what doesnt hehe. LOVE U GUYS 💗🌸

[rubbish78]

I haven’t complained about this “situation” because I feel like the most spoiled person in America or super ungrateful.....

But my grandma has always hinted to me she was going to give me her car because she’s friggin 92 years old and can’t drive much anymore. It’s a 2014 voltzwagon beetle and yeah I’d be stroked to have it, I have 2002 voltzwagon beetle and somehow it has survived all these years.

I have been very lucky with that little bug. It still runs great tbh, just the exterior and the interior are falling apart lol the engine is fine like it passed inspection

It’s been way past due I got a new car

But Not to have car payments when be amazing because I ain’t rolling in money. My annual salary in 2020 was barely 20k DAmN that number always depresses me, I work fucjing full time and I have worked through covid ejjswjneenvvv

aNYWAYs

.....she wants $7000 for it and I was taken aback from that. Like I don’t expect it to be free, but idk??? She’s a millionaire???? (No I’m not kidding, but also she’s cheap as hell so that’s probably how). And she knows how much I make....

So Im like peeved about the whole situation idk idk I feel like a bitch but also she’s kinda a bitch???? Ah Like it’s cheaper than market value for sure. Ah so I was gonna give my shitty beetle to my cousin for $100 bucks because like it’s family?????? Idk? Am I too nice? Idk I usually give stuff free to my family but ???? Idk idk idk

Idk idk idk I’m annoyed by the whole thing and my dad is like “well spend more time with her and maybe she’ll lower it.”

Oh so I gotta bribe the bitch?

The thing is: I don’t enjoy my grandma....she’s very hard to be around for long periods of time....ugh this whole thing is soskksjdjdjdjdjd and my dad ain’t helping either. I used to be close to her as a child because I didn’t know how fucking awful she is. She just is bad vibes. I can do family dinner shit and all that and I’m always nice and will help her out but kssjnssnndsnns

I mean $7000 is way cheaper than if I brought it through somewhere else but at the same time ??? I feel very conflicted about the whole thing

I feel like a fake spoiled bitch idk idk idke djdjdjejehdhehhe my grandma annoys me very much and this is UGH idk idk I mean I can afford it, I guess. I have saved up a lot of money over the last year idk idk I was kind of hoping to use that money to buy/rent/move somewhere idk idk my mom is eventually going to move away and I can’t afford this area by myself idk idk I have so much anxiety thinking about all of this

I mean shit I guess I could move to Houston, Dallas, Phoenix, or Louisville (my airline bases) which are considerably cheaper cost of living. Yet, Washington DC area is my home and where all my friends are at but it’s so flipping expensive ahhhhh idk idk idk I’m dumb. Like some ppl don’t even have the option?? They don’t have money saved up or a relative to sell them a car???! And what am I doing? Being a whiny bitch???

Idk idk idk idk I was hoping I make more money when I turn 30 next year or have a new job? Idk idk I feel so lame and spoiled and stupid ahhhhhh such a privileged fuck whining about this I’m the worst

[overtrolled-liveblog]

C21 #2

Hey, Sollux and Aradia are back! How nice!

SOLLUX: hey l0ser. it’s been a l0ng time. KARKAT: IT’S BEEN A... KARKAT: IT’S BEEN A “LONG TIME”?! KARKAT: IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY TO ME?! IT’S BEEN MORE THAN A FUCKING HUMAN DECADE! KARKAT: I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE DEAD. ARADIA: no i wasnt dead KARKAT: NO, I MEAN LIKE KARKAT: “GONE FOREVER”?? KARKAT: I THOUGHT THAT YOU TWO LITERALLY DIDN’T EXIST ANYMORE! KARKAT: OR AT THE VERY LEAST WERE TRAPPED IN A DEAD UNIVERSE PERPETUALLY COLLAPSING INTO ITS OWN ASSHOLE. SOLLUX: 0h. n0pe.

Aw, man, Karkat lost Sollux multiple times. First in the Vast Glub, then not really during murderstuck, then again during Cascade, then never really seeing his ghost again. And Karkat and Sollux were tight, by the sound of it. How do you even process this?

JADE: ughhh... DAVE: yo babe its ok JADE: easy for you to say! youve got practice with this kind of thing! DAVE: just remember its not actually your corpse DAVE: i mean technically it is DAVE: it both is and isnt your corpse at the same time DAVE: which yeah the longer you think about it like that the more fucked up it gets DAVE: but also when you objectively think about it the combined multiverse is a huge tangle of interrelated but totally random events and its only chance that this specific life is the one you ended up living DAVE: you and that corpse could have just as easily switched places DAVE: but also that would never actually happen because its not how paradox space works DAVE: anyway my point is that nothing really matters so chill out JADE: um, i love you with all my heart dave but youre REALLY not helping right now

Dave never did get therapy did he.

DAVE: the first time rose hugged me it was such a disaster we didnt make eye contact for like a week after KANAYA: Jade Come Here I Shall Hold You In My Arms JADE: thank you kanaya at least ONE of you knows how to treat a lady in distress! JANE: Agreed. I’ve always felt that Kanaya has done an exemplary job of providing a model for compassionate, empathetic behavior, which others of her kind would do well to follow. KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?

Why did they write Jane this fucking racist? Even a spoiled rich kid from 2011 ought to have internalized enough PCness not to say shit like that out loud even if she thought it!

ROXY: look everyone im not dumb ok even tho i act like it sometimes ROXY: i know whats goin on here ROXY: that were all drifting apart ROXY: and i know thats just a normal part of growing up and making new families ROXY: and i guess learning that some people have unbridgeable divides on political stuff ROXY: i can accept that things arent gonna always be the same as when we first met

Well at least Roxy isn’t acting so unsettling. Also I think that line about politics was meant for the audience rather than the characters because Jane’s politics are self evidently crap. There might not be an easy answer but there is at least one wrong answer and Jane has it.

ROXY: out of a sempiternal number of possibilities we are the only incarnation of this exact specific moment in all of existence ROXY: i think that we should all look around and be super grateful for what we ROXY: wh... what we ROXY: wh... wha... ROXY: whoah fuck Roxy’s voice starts to crack. She staggers off the podium, clutching her bloated stomach. CALLIOPE: roxy? are yoU okay? ROXY: of course im not ok i just WENT INTO FREAKING LABOR JOHN: oh my god!

Birth at a funeral. That would get a smile out of Dirk, I think.

JOHN: doing ok there, sweetheart? ROXY: ugh whyd i let you put this thing inside me

pffft.

CALLIOPE: wait! i... CALLIOPE: i woUld like to be there as well! JOHN: hurry up then! Calliope begins sprinting after John and Roxy but doesn’t make it two steps before something stops her in her tracks. A feeling that crawls under her exoskeleton. She stands deathly still for a moment, and then turns to face the coffin. Something about the corpse has transfixed her. She curls her fingers around the rim of the casket and leans in, studying teen-Jade’s peaceful face. Suddenly, the corpse bolts upright. Calliope yelps and falls on her butt. Adult-Jade screams. JADE: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! JAKE: By jove! DAVE: jesus fuck

[lovehelpmewrite]

A Very Bad Day

Title: A Bad Day

Pairing: Gwil x OFC!Ella

Word Count: 3.7k

Summary: Ella is having a... less than amazing day. It turns out Gwilym is just what she needed to turn it around though.

Warnings: underage drinking i know bad dont do it im sorry

[A/N]: Okay so I know this is technically before Macarons and Spoiled Surprises but it’s been bothering me for months that I never wrote the middle step between our first date and us doing... y’know, you’ve read it i hope. So yeah, this is that middle step. Half inspired by an actual shit day I had, half inspired by my better half having had a bad day the day I wrote this. Enjoy and feedback is always welcome!! Also thank you thank you thank you to my best fren Mic @o-holynight​ for making me another amazing header just for this fic you’re so good to me and if you haven’t yet go through her masterlist because it slaps 

It was a crappy day. It was pouring, which normally I wouldn't mind—in fact I loved a good rainy day—but I had opened my window the night before and woken up to find my desk soaked in rain water and one of my notebooks with it.

"Ahhh shit," I muttered to myself as I woke up and climbed out of bed at the sound of the rain hitting the desk. I quickly latched the thing closed and looked down at the crinkling wet paper that was my notebook, picking it up by a corner and watching the water slide off the cover and off the pages. "Shhhhhit," I repeated, feeling my heart sink when I opened the cover and noticed the ink either bleeding into the other pages or sliding off along with the water. At least I didn't really use it, I thought. It was still sad to see something that I'd paid for just... Fall apart like this though.

I dropped it into the trash bin with a sigh and vowed to start getting ready to go out and buy a new one. Right after I have breakfast, I thought. As it turns out, there was no breakfast. No cereal, no pancake mix or frozen waffles. It was grocery day and Michaela had just left saying she was going to grab Joe so they could do the shopping for both at once. 

Okay so I'll go out for breakfast, I decided.

Except the coffee shop was closed. Again, no big deal but... It was another block in the freezing rain to the nearest cafe. It was too close to drive, especially because there was no parking down by it. Walking it is then. The sidewalk was slick with the freezing rain and the leftovers from the last snow so I tried my best to watch my steps and still maintain a quick pace. 

Needless to say I almost slipped—I didn't thankfully—but I caught myself at the last second in such a way that my umbrella swung out to the side and in an instant I felt drenched to the bone. I walked in looking like a half-drowned rat, ordered a muffin to go and tried to calm my anxious heart at the stares I was getting from the other patrons. In case you were wondering, yes, it's possible to angrily eat a muffin.

After I made it back to my car I drove to the nearest Staples and practically moaned as the warm rush of air hit my chilled face and body. I picked out a cute notebook—for sixteen fucking dollars, jesus Staples, cost more yeah?—and slapped it on the counter. The younger looking kid checking me out started at the noise but just smiled and asked if I wanted to join their rewards program. 

And then I was stood under the edge of the Staples sign trying to desperately shove the notebook in my jacket against my chest because what was once pouring rain had turned into a torrential downpour. It was like a sheet of water coming down at once while thunder boomed in the distance. I held an arm across my coat-covered-notebook and took a deep breath, readying myself for the sheer force of it to pound against the top of my umbrella.

By the time I got back to the dorm my legs up to my knees were soaked even despite my rain boots, as was the back of my coat and my umbrella. The notebook somehow survived the trip thankfully. As I was pulling it out of my jacket my phone buzzed in my coat pocket. A text from Mic.

Hey, over at the boys' and groceries are all put away

Is Gwil home? I might head over in a bit. Having a shit day :(

Aw im sorry :( he is tho I think. I'll ask

I waited a few seconds and then waited for the three dots while she typed.

He isn't but he's coming home in like half an hour from a reading

"Nice," I whispered to myself. Finally, something good today.

Im gonna shower. When he gets home tell him I'm coming?

Yeah ofc

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, glad to finally have something to look forward to. I took off my jacket and hung it on my door to dry before walking into the bathroom and peeling off my soaked jeans and socks, letting them sit on the floor while I turned the shower to scalding hot. I hissed as it hit my back but quickly adjusted to it, letting the water pooling at the bottom thaw my toes. I picked up my razor with a little indecision. He wasn't even going to see my legs or my armpits as far as I was planning, let alone anywhere near my underwear... I shaved anyway. As a way to pass time in the warm water at the least, and at the most it would make my sheets feel nice later. 

I got dressed in some loose sweats and a tank top, foregoing a bra with the assumption I was the only one home but when I came out of my room Sarah was back from her class eating at the table.

"Hey!" She said with a smile.

"Hey," I said back quietly, walking to the cupboard and pulling down a bag of chips. "How was class?"

"Ugh, don't even get me started. That dude was still trying to argue with the professor the entire class," she explained, rolling her eyes.

"Someone should keep a tally of every time he says something and then at the end of class take that many points off his latest paper or something," I offered with a small grin.

"We should, oh my god," she laughed back. "Hey, are you okay? Mic said you were having a crappy day."

I nodded, shrugging. "Yeah, I dont know it's just... A lot of little shit adding up, y'know?"

She nodded with a sad smile.

I took a deep breath and tried to stay positive though. "Good news though, I'm heading over to see the boys in a little bit. Did you wanna come with?"

"Ah, I'm going to meet Ben for lunch after his class gets out in like half an hour."

"Ah," I said in confirmation. "Okay, I'll see you later tonight? We need another girls night in, it's been too long."

She smiled, nodding in agreement. "Yeah, I'll see if I can pick up some stuff beforehand. It's your turn to pick right?" 

I nodded, "yeah." 

"Okay, cool. Nothing scary please? I like sleeping without nightmares."

I laughed, carrying the chips with me back to my room. "I'll do my best to let you keep your beauty sleep," I said over my shoulder before closing the door. 

I sat down on my bed with a sigh, dropping the chips next to me and reaching for my phone.

Gwil just got home, he's in the shower rn tho

Okay tell him im omw and I dont mind waiting or something

I made sure to pull on a sports bra and a sweatshirt before I left, as well as a pair of fuzzy socks inside my rain boots. I was nearly jogging across the street to the apartment, buzzing with excitement to see Gwil. 

We haven't been out on any dates since our second when he kissed me, but we had a lot of days where we walked each other to class or we'd get lunch together. Sadly, we hadn't kissed much since then but we made up for it with a lot of hand holding, or his palm on my back, or my hand on his knee and honestly... it was kind of nice just like that. Still, a day like today deserved some serious hugs at the very least. 

My frozen fingers shook as I pressed the buzzer and I exhaled in relief when it buzzed again and the lock clicked open, allowing me to rush into the warm elevator and ride up to the apartment. When I got up to the door though, I hesitated. 

Do I knock? Do I just walk in? Do I knock and then walk in anyways? 

I pulled out my phone and texted Mic.

Im outside the door

Come in lol?

Come open it I feel weird 

Between the previous cold and my embarrassment I'm sure my cheeks were tomato-red. She just smiled upon seeing me, waiting for me to take off my dripping boots and then motioning her head toward the couch.

"Gwil's probably getting out soon, you can wait with me and Joe on the couch," she explained, sitting back down next to Joe to watch whatever movie they had playing on the TV. I perched awkwardly on the edge of the cushion, trying—and failing—to control my bouncing knee while I waited for Gwil. 

"Hey."

I almost jumped at the soft greeting, springing off the couch and turning to him. My heart was thumping in my chest nervously.

He was just in sweats and a t-shirt but something about it was just so… hot. I hadn't noticed how shaggy his hair was getting until now, still dripping wet and hanging over his forehead a little. I almost missed when he jerked his thumb over his shoulder. 

"Do you wanna… my room?" He asked awkwardly.

I nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah- sure yeah."

I followed quietly behind him as he walked down the hall, stepping into the room and waiting for him to close the door. Then I was stuck just watching while he moved to sit on the edge of his bed with a bounce. I pressed my lips together to suppress an awkward smile, looking around his room. He had different playbills taped up on his wall above his bed, and his desk was covered in papers and packets and textbooks.

"So…" I started, bringing my eyes back to face him.

"So…" he mimicked back, a gentle smile growing on his face.

I breathed out a little laugh and moved to sit next to him on the edge of his mattress, copying his bounce from before and then bumping my shoulder into his.

"So how was your reading? How did it go?" I asked lightly, trying to start some sort of conversation, any conversation.

"Good! It was good," he answered back.

And then more quiet.

"Okay this is awful," I admitted before I could stop the words from coming out of my mouth.

Gwil's eyebrows shot up in surprise, like he couldn't believe I was saying it.

"Can we just like… I don't know, can we just watch something on your laptop or something? I just…" I blew out a quick breath and started to feel my eyes burn with tears I'd been holding in. "I've had a really shitty day and I was so excited to come over and see you and I don’t want it to be all... weird like it is."

He was quiet for a second, which gave me some time to calm back down a little and not actually shed tears.

"You're right," he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "Okay, why don't we… Do you have something in mind to watch?" 

It was my turn to raise my eyebrows. "I mean I… what do you normally watch? What's your favorite show?"

It seemed to do the trick, the tension slowly released its grip on the room and we even managed to move back on his bed so he was positioned laying against his pillows and I was tucked neatly under his arm, half laying on his stomach. We'd agreed on Criminal Minds and somehow watched our way through two entire episodes before we forgot it all together and started talking… and then, well, kissing.

It started off innocent enough. I'd turned my head to joke about Spencer's hair in this season but instead found Gwil already looking at me with a soft smile.

"What?" I laughed.

He just gave a full smile and shook his head. "Nothing."

We were both quiet for a second, and then he leaned in and gave me a peck on the lips.

Oh.

I smiled back and leaned back into him, pressing my lips to his again but longer this time, slower, lingering…

We pulled back slowly, eyes still half closed. And then I felt the slightest squeeze of his hand on my waist and he surged forward again, lips firmly against mine, his tongue teasing across my bottom lip before biting gently.

Oh. 

I hummed in appreciation, leaning further against him until my leg hooked in between his and his hand was sliding up my back into my hair and grabbing lightly. 

My heart was racing in my chest. Was this it? Was I going to fuck him not 50 feet from our friends? Why am i even thinking that? Calm the hell down. 

I practically had to force myself to pull away, my fist still twisted in his shirt, still breathing heavily and close enough to be tempted to go back but I made myself stop.

"We have to… we should just slow down a little," I said quietly.

Gwil nodded in agreement. "Yeah. Yeah you're right we should just… take it easy for a bit."

I nodded back. 

Still, we somehow gravitated towards each other again until we were kissing again, albeit softer this time. Somehow we managed to keep it slow. Calm. Instead of dipping back into... dangerous territory. It was just… nice. 

It was comforting and reassured a lot of doubts I had. It was almost like a little dance, like a conversation. He'd lean forward and catch my lip with his teeth and in return I'd slide my tongue against his lip. It was jarring when suddenly everything went quiet and we both pulled apart in question only to see Netflix asking if we were still watching.

I laughed a little which seemed to make Gwil laugh which made me laugh more and snort and then he laughed more until we were both clutching our stomachs gasping for air in between laughs. Once we'd finally calm down we were left just staring at each other, not waiting for the other to talk, just looking at each other's faces and smiles and eyes.

"Y'know I was having a pretty crappy day and you made it a hell of a lot more bearable," I said honestly.

"I'm happy I could make your day better," he answered back, his smile wide.

I paused for a minute, contemplating saying anything. "Is it… is it weird if I really like making out with you?"

He shook his head quickly, "no! No of course not. I'm glad my skills were… put to good use." His smile turned smug.

I shoved his chest jokingly, turning in his grasp like I was going to roll away. I grinned when his hand fell to my hip and pulled me back in against him so his mouth was slotted against mine.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"To find someone with better lines I guess," I laughed.

"Are you saying you don't like my pick up lines?" He fake pouted, lips puckered out and all.

I gave him a quick kiss. "That's exactly what I'm saying." I laughed again when he dramatically flopped against the bed like he couldn't believe it. I kissed his jaw sweetly, turning it into a raspberry which made him laugh.

"Careful there, I don't need any weirdly placed hickies," he warned with a grin.

"So just for clarification, you don't want a big hickey on your cheek?" I asked, pretending to get ready to mark his cheek.

"Definitely not."

"Hmm," I hummed in mock disappointment. "And I had such plans too."

"Yeah, I'm sure," he said back, turning his head to face me and tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. He slowly leaned in and gave me another peck on the lips, and then another… and then one more. "You know, I'm really glad you came over."

I smiled back at him. "Me too."

We were quiet once again, just staring at each other again, every once in a while saying some small comment or joke or compliment but otherwise quiet. After a little bit, just when I was starting to feel sleepy, there was a quiet knock on the door.

"Come in," Gwil answered.

Michaela poked her head in after a second with a small smile. "Hey, I was just going to head back, it's almost six," she said softly.

"Oh Jesus, is it really?" I asked in surprise, picking up my phone to see texts from Sarah asking when I'd be back home. "Damn," I laughed slightly.

"Yeah, Sarah said you wanted to do a night in so do you wanna go to the store before home?"

I nodded, slowly untangling myself from Gwil and sitting up, stretching out my muscles. "Yeah, I'll be out in a few minutes, I gotta get the feeling back in my legs," I chuckled.

"Okay, I'll go pull on my shoes."

I stretched out each of my arms and legs, turning awkwardly to stretch my spine before I sighed, turning back to face a very tired looking Gwilym. "Hi."

"Hi," he grinned back, briefly stretching his back before relaxing back against his pillows. "Before you go, come here."

I grinned and leaned back in, our lips connecting for a long, sweet kiss. "Was that all?" I asked after it ended.

"No, one more," he smirked, pulling me back in for another peck. "Okay one more," and then another peck, "just one more-"

"Gwil," I laughed in between kisses. "I- gotta- go- you big dork-"

He gave a big dramatic sigh after the last kiss when I stood up away from him. "Fine, if you must."

"I must," I grinned. "Sorry bub."

"No it's okay," he relented with a smile. "I'll see you on Saturday, right? You're still coming over to hang out?"

I nodded. "Of course, I can't wait." I was reluctant to leave him, looking so soft and inviting and ready for a nap… I forced myself to walk out and close the door behind me, walking out to the living room to find Mic pulling on her shoes while Joe stood by.

"Hey," I announced, making her look up at me after she had both boots on.

"Hey, ready?" 

"Yep, lets go get drunk," I affirmed.

"Woah woah woah," Joe interjected, making me turn to him.

"Sorry dad, was I not supposed to tell you that?" I laughed.

"No drinking and driving young lady, be responsible," he said, pointing a faux serious finger at each of us.

"Sure, yeah, whatever you say," I dismissed with a grin. I turned to Mic, "want anything particular? I was planning on wine and some candy."

She shrugged. "Sounds good to me. Grab me some of the uhh the sour patch watermelon things though? Oh! And Reece's pieces," she grinned at the last second as I was walking out the door.

"You already know," I grinned back, shaking my head and closing the door to let her and Joe do their own little goodbyes.

When I made it back down to the front door, ready to open my umbrella and sprint to my car, I noticed it had stopped raining. It was still wet everywhere and puddles took up half the sidewalk but the once black sky was lightened to a pale gray. Michaela beat me back to the dorm, unsurprisingly and I walked in with full arms, happy to be greeted by Sarah and Mic pulling things out of my hands and already opening things.

"Yesss you got the good shit Ella," Sarah said gratefully, pulling out a bag of m&m's.

"Always," I smiled, pulling out a plastic container of cotton candy for myself.

"Okay so what are we watching?" Sarah asked, already transporting stuff to the couches. 

It was obvious the two of them had moved everything for optimal TV viewing.

"I was thinking Umbrella Academy if that's cool?"

They both nodded, mouths already full of candy. 

I laughed. "Okay, Umbrella Academy it is then. I'll grab the wine."

Somewhere between the third and fourth episode we'd finished the first bottle of wine and went to open the second only to find it impossible.

"Just… open it," Sarah laughed, watching me trying to use the wine bottle opener to grab the cork and failing.

"I'm trying!" I laughed back, pulling out pieces of cork instead of the entire thing. "Dammit! Mic come help us!" I called.

The TV paused as she came over and looked over the destroyed cork, pushed nearly all the way into the bottle. "Dude what did you even do?!" She chuckled.

"I tried to open it, what do you think!" I laughed back.

"Okay, gimme a spoon, I'll shove it into the bottle."

"What? No take it out!" Sarah laughed.

"I can't! This one-" Mic laughed, pointing at me, "destroyed the cork and now its not gonna come out!"

I was wheezing from laughing so hard, practically laying across the counter. "I'm sorry!"

Sarah laughed at my reaction in response, squatting next to the counter trying to catch her breath as well.

"Fine I'll find a spoon myself!" Mic declared, still laughing while she tried to push down on the cork. "Ahah!" She yelled in triumph making us laugh even harder at the pop of it dropping into the wine.

We ate our way through almost all of the candy and the two bottles of wine over five episodes before we decided to call it a night (or well, early morning but same thing). 

It was nice, to go to bed feeling warm and loved and like a crap day had turned good. I fell asleep easily and without resistance, the opposite to how I'd woken up. It was a good day, I decided.

- - -

feedback is always appreciated and thank you for reading lovelies!!

[diddlesanddoodles]

DUMPLING (g/t fantasy)

CHAPTER TWELVE

She had the feeling that perhaps it would be wise to be somewhat, even just a little, concerned about her current state and its potential ramifications, but whatever had been put into her tea was making her feel just so fantastic and dandy, she was having a difficult time caring. 

Her muscles demanded to move, her mind was abuzz, and she just wanted to run around and find a big hill to roll down. But since she found herself in the tunnels inside a giant castle, she did the next best thing. Running to one wall and pushing off from it and running to the other wall in a vaguely zig-zag pattern. Jae was muttering to himself behind her, but she mostly ignored him, not understanding what he had to be so glum about.

Why wasn’t he having as much fun as she was? Maybe he should have put some of that purple stuff in his tea too.  

“Turn right,” Jae instructed when the came to a new corridor. She hoped into the new tunnel with a laugh and heard him curse and mumbled behind her. “...what the hell was in that potion?”

“I do not know!” Nenani replied, twirling in place. “But it’s fun!”

“So fun,” Jae replied sarcastically and shook his head. “Especially when Farris sees you.”

When at last they reached the door to the kitchens, Jae stopped her and placed his hands on both of her shoulders to keep her still. He looked at her with a serious expression. “Okay, kiddo. Here’s the thing. I’m gonna pop in first and...explain things. I need you to stay inside here for a bit...and try not to bounce away. Can you manage that?”

“Okay!” she giggled.

Jae glared at her dubiously and hung his head, resigned. “Alright,” he breathed. “Here goes nothing.”

He pushed the door open just a bit and slipped through. The smell of food wafted in through the crack, the familiar and increasingly comforting smell of bread and cooking meat. She was mildly surprised at her lack of appetite. Usually she was starving by now. Maybe it had something to do with the potion?

After a moment, Nenani heard Avery’s voice call out, muffled by the door. He sounded annoyed.

“There ya are! Dammit, Jae. Cuttin’ it a bit close ain’t ya?”

“Wait a bit,” said Kol. “Where’s the Dumplin’?”

“O-okay,” began Jae, stammering. Not a great start. “So...I can explain.”

There was a series of rapid shifts, the squealing of wood on stone, and several angry stomps.

“Where is she?” Avery sounded very unhappy.

“First off: don’t get your pants all in a twist. She’s perfectly fine!” Jae was not very good at keeping the panic out of his voice.

“Again, lad,” Avery growled. “Where. Is. She?”

“Just here,” replied Jae, his nerves beginning to show in earnest now. “But...you should know. She’s a bit more...bubbly than before.”

“If you don’t bring her out right now,” growled Avery. “Yer gonna become intimately acquainted with the inside of a roasting pan, ya little fucker.”

Jae scrambled back inside the tunnel and grabbed Nenani by the arm and pulled her close. “Do me a favor and convince them not to eat me, please? I’m very allergic to being dead.”

“Okay!” she giggled and then wondered why Jae was not laughing at his own joke. It was a good one.

Jae pushed her through the door, standing behind her as though she were some sort of shield. Both Avery and Kol were standing near the hearth mantle, their angry and worried faces filtering away once she stepped into view. Bart was hanging back at the far end of the table with Herit and Quinn, arranging plates and breads onto trays and such. Several well dressed footmen stood nearby. They had all paused in their work to watch. Nenani waved at them.  

“So what’s all the fuss over?” Avery said. “She looks fine.”

“Right!” Jae agreed with alacrity. “She’s perfectly fine. See?”

Nenani giggled and raised her hands above her head. “Jae says that you please not eat him because I am fine!”

Kol’s face dropped into bewilderment and Avery quirked an eyebrow.

“Uh-huh..?” Avery asked. His expression was very funny. Nenani snickered, covering her face and bouncing on her heels.

“I mean...uh,” she said, “I don’t know what I mean. But don’t be mad at Jae!”

“...you feeling alright there, Dumplin’?” Kol asked, real concern peppering his voice. “Ya seem a bit...loopy.”

“I feel,” she said, her light bouncing turning into a spin. “...great! Oops...” Her foot met empty air and she fell off the mantle. Thankfully Kol’s reflexes served him well and he reached out and caught her.  

“FUCKIN’ SHIT!” Avery cursed.

Kol looked down at the breathlessly giggling human girl in his hands and then up to the very alarmed young human standing stiff on the mantle with wide eyes and his mouth hanging open in shock. “IS SHE BLOODY FUCKING DRUNK?!”

“NO!” Jae yelled, matching the baker’s volume. And then paused, seeming to consider it. “Actually...”

“YOU GAVE HER ALCOHOL?”

“No! Maevis did!”

Both Avery and Kol looked horrified. “WHAT?!” they chorused.

“Ugh, what I mean is – Fuck. No! It’s wasn’t alcohol! It was a potion!”

If there was any way of calming the two giants down from their fury, that was certainly not the right way to go about it. Avery looked like he was trying very hard not to break something and Kol was starring flaming daggers at the young human.

“Why... the fuck,” he said. “...did that loony old git...give the Dumplin’... LOOPY JUICE?!”

Jae opened his mouth to defend himself but only managed to stammer out a string of nonsense. So Nenani decided to help out.

“I was sleepy and Maevis was nice and put some pretty purple stuff in my tea to make me not sleepy,” she explained. “But it made the tea taste gross and kind of ruined it. Maevis makes really yummy tea!”

Kol shifted his grip on her and held her up to his face, conflicting emotions shifting his expression from worried to very mad to something along the lines of possible amusement.

“He’s also gonna get a right arse kickin’,” Avery growled and then turned to Jae who had been trying to disappear through the door. “Oi! Where’dya think yer goin’? Yer gonna explain this shit to Farris ya fucker!”

Jae leaped into the tunnels with a yelp with Avery reaching an arm in after the human. “No I’m not!”

The giant cursed as he pulled his arm out, sans human, and angrily slammed the stone door closed. He turned to face Kol and shook his head as though in shock. “I’m gonna kill ‘im. I mean it. I think I’m actually pissed enough to kill ‘im this time.”

“Get in line,” Kol muttered. They were distracted from their anger by the sound of Bart loosing his composure and laughing loudly from the other side of the table.

……………………………

“I got it!” Kol exclaimed, clapping his hands. He and Avery were standing side by side at the table with Nenani standing between them on the table’s surface, pulling and twirling Kol’s apron strings. “Okay, so she’s all hyped up on magic loopy juice, bouncing around and giggling like a fucking idiot.”

“Yup.”

“And we need her to not be all hyped up, bouncy, and giggly, right?”

“Right.”

“So, we burn off all that energy, tire her out. Before Farris comes back.”

“Brilliant idea,” drawled Avery with an exaggerated roll of his eyes. “Why did I not think of that?”

“Shuddup and fuckin’ watch,” Kol snarled. He tilted his head down to see Nenani spinning his apron strings, laughing to herself. He gently pulled the strings from her hands, ignoring her disappointed moan, and bent down to peer at her. “Okay, Dumplin’. We’re gonna play a game, alright?”

She nodded, bouncing up and down. “Okay. I like games.”

“Good! Looks like you enjoy that bouncing quite a bit as well, aye?”

“Yup!”

“Fantastic. So here’s the game: I want to you bounce for as long as you can without stopping.”

“Okay. I can do that!”

“Some rules though: You cannot stop until you reach one thousand bounces or ya lose. That’s rule one. Understand?”

“One thousand. Got it.”

“Good. Now, the second rule – and this is very important – ya gotta stay on the table. If ya fall, ya lose. And...probably die. But you’re not gonna fall off the table, right?”

“Nope!”

“Because you wanna win the game right?”

“Yes!”

“And if ya do win….uh, Quinn and I’ll make ya yer very own sweet roll. Just fer ya. How’s that sound?”

“Yes!”

“Good. Because the game starts now.”

“Okay!”

“And ya gotta count out loud.”

“Okay! One...two...three...”

Avery was pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head. “This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen...”

“Well, stupid’s all we got, so snap yer yapper.”

Bart was still laughing at them from the other side of the kitchen.

…………………………………………………………….

Farris and Yale walked down the short steps and into the kitchen, carrying the spoils of their outing to the markets, to a very peculiar sight. Footmen and servants were actively taking away the platters and bowls for the upstairs’ dinner service, but the majority of the kitchen staff, those who should have been getting the kitchen cleaned and cleared, were clustered around the far end of the long table...counting out loud.  

Bart was hanging back near the wall next to the archway, chortling quietly to himself and wiping a hand down his beard. When he saw Farris and Yale come down, he just shook his head at their questioning expressions, grinning. “I wouldn’t know where to begin.”

“Good or bad?” Yale asked.

“Can’t rightly say,” he replied. “But it’s funny.”

Farris’s tired face sharped under narrowed eyebrows. The Spice Master and his assistant made their way to the table to see for themselves what everyone so curiously counting aloud. Nenani was jumping up and down, her face flush with exertion, while those gathered around her counted each jump.

“...one thousand two hundred forty five...one thousand two hundred forty six...one thousand to hundred forty seven...”

Farris’s green eyes searched for Avery, finding the black haired man standing behind Kol, looking as though he were suffering from a headache. He caught the Spice Master’s eyes and gave a helpless shrug in response.

“I have no idea how to explain this,” he replied.  

“Well someone’s gonna be wantin’ to tell me why yer all standin’ around when there’s plenty of work to be done,” Farris said, a vaguely warning growl creeping into his words. He looked down at the still happily jumping human child who, when she saw him, waved. “And what the fuck is the lil’un doin’?”

“Trying to tire her out. She made it passed one thousand and she’s still goin’,” Kol said blankly, as if the idea had made had fried his brain. “She should be spent, but nope. She’s barely winded. What the fuck was in that tea?”

Farris’s growing annoyance exploded into outright anger and he growled, suspicious eyes looking back down at the bouncing human girl. “What was in what tea?”

“Jae came by,” Kol explained in the same blank manner, not seeming perturbed by the very unhappy man standing nearby. “Took the Dumplin’ to visit Barnaby. Maevis gave her something to keep her from noddin’ off, or something like that. Now she can’t stop bouncin’.”

“And Kol said he’d make me a sweet roll if I made it to a thousand!” Nenani replied, sounding only a bit out of breath and in high spirits. A bright smile was plastered across her flushed face. “If I make it to two thousand, does that mean I get two sweet rolls?”

“She made it passed a thousand,” Kol was saying in disbelief. “I wasn’t even sure she could count to a thousand!”

Yale had been oddly silent beside him and the younger giant’s copper eyes drifted to Kol and down to Nenani and back to Kol as the baker explain. And then he burst out laughing, covering his eyes with one hand and head shaking. His hand lowered to try and muffle his laughter, but one glance at Nenani had him giggling like an idiot. Farris was not so amused and drew a hand slowly down his face in exasperation, shaking his head.

“Do I fuckin’ stutter?” he demanded of the room, shooting an accusing glare at Avery. “When I say watch the Dumplin’, I mean keep yer fucking eyes on ‘er! Don’t go pawning ’er off to someone else!”

“Figured she’d be safer,” Avery replied. “And I could actually get some work done.”

“Are you trying to add another day to pit duty?” Farris growled. “Or are you really that fuckin’ stupid?”

“The whole point of me watchin’ ‘er was in case Thrist came lookin’ fer ‘er,” Avery replied in his own self defense. “Which he did not. A little disappointed actually. But if he had come by, her not being here was a better plan.”

Farris listened to Avery’s retort with his arms crossed. When he was done. Farris gestured down to Nenani. “This be that better plan then, is it?”

“Maevis slippin’ ‘er loopy juice was not part of the plan,” Avery replied hotly. “Seriously, how do ya even account fer that possibility?”

Yale was still giggling helplessly, but he seemed to finally catch his breath. “This is the stupidest thing I have ever seen.”

“That’s what I said!” Avery said, irritated by the whole ordeal.  

…………………………………………

Yale was left to watch Nenani as the others dispersed to go about their work cleaning up the kitchen and getting everything ready for their own supper time. Bart helped Farris put away the things they had bought at the market and seemed to do his best to convince him not to murder Avery. Because after all, it was a better idea of sending Nenani up to the library to spend the day with possibly the least dangerous pair of folks in the entire castle. Lolly was more dangerous than they were. So long as Maevis kept his magic to himself.  

Kol had declared that Nenani had won the game so she could stop counting, but she continued to bounce, much to Yale amusement. She told him about visiting the library and how Maevis had been able to tell her with definitive assurance that was she not cursed, which she was very happy about. And she told him about the shrinking tea cups.  

For a small bit of time, as Nenani would jump up, Yale would catch her, bringing a broad smile to his face as the little human giggled. He would let her drop the small distance back onto the table top and they would repeat the process. Over and over as the kitchen staff all gathered for a well deserved meal. Nenani noted that it was the first time since she had been there that dinner was not some sort of soup or stew. Sausages with hot mustard and potatoes. The sausage as long as she was tall, she noted with amusement.

“She doesn’t seem to be any worse fer it,” Yale said as Farris sat heavily into his chair at the head of the table, his knuckled turning white as he gripped his mug of ale. A small cup of some dark liquid sat beside him.

He took a long drink from his ale before replying. “We’ll be seein’ the truth a’that when she crashes.”

“What do ya mean?” Yale asked as he caught Nenani again, looking down at her with a smile as she squealed in delight. “When the potion wears off?”

“Aye. I know the potion he gave ‘er. Know it very well. Use to practically live off th’damn stuff when I was about yer age,” Farris replied acidly. “She’s gonna crash. And hard. Best be belivin’ me, boy. Ain’t gonna be fun fe ‘er and she certainly won’t be laughin’.”

Nenani was having far too much fun to really pay attention to Farris’s warning. Everyone was settling down to eat, their eyes still filtering to her every once in a while. She left Yale alone so he could eat in peace and Nenani came up with a game of her own. Which was to run down the length of the table, tagging everyone’s mugs. Gjerk tried to lift his out of the way, but she managed to tap it anyway. On her third pass down the table, a curious feeling came over her. A tightness in the pit of her stomach that quickly turned into an ache. Her limbs began to feel heavy and her chest started to hurt. The smile that had been perpetually plastered on her face for several hours fell and she stopped in the middle of the table, her arms coming to cradle her increasingly sour feeling tummy. She turned around to face Farris, finding the Spice Master staring at her knowingly.

“Done already?” he asked.

“Uh-huh” she said, miserably. “I...I don’t feel so good.”

“Don’t suppose ya do,” he replied, beckoning her over with a crook of his finger. “C’mere, Dumplin’.”

She grumbled, holding her middle as she ambled unsteadily back towards the other head of the table. She stumbled and tripped, but Yale was quick to catch her before her face met wood.

“Easy there,” he said gently. “Yer looking a lil’ green ‘round the gills.”

She groaned in response.

“Give ‘er here, Yale,” Farris instructed. Yale carefully passed her to the Spice Master who gently sat her down beside him, keeping one hand on her back and pushing the small cup of something to her face. “Drink.”

Farris held the cup up for her to drink from as it would have been far too large for her to pick up herself. She sniffed it and pulled her head back with a groan, her stomach roiling. She could smell the bitterness.

“Not gonna be repeatin’ myself, Dumplin’,” warned Farris, but there was no real heat to his tone. The cup edged further into her vision and she obediently leaned forward and took a big gulp of the dark liquid. It was incredibly sweet, but all that sweetness could not mask the very familiar taste of Cayne leaf. She sputtered and gagged, but managed to still get the vile drink down her throat. She shuddered and pushed back, shaking her head as though she could shake the awful taste from her mouth. She ignored the accompanying snickers from the others.

“Blech!” she exclaimed. “Yuck! Yuck, yuck, yuck...”

Farris hummed as he set the cup aside and leaned down, fixing her with a pointed, though amused, look. “I want ya to remember that taste next time Maevis or anyone tries t’give ya some strange potion, eh?”

She groaned, leaning back against his hand.  

[babydolltheanimatronic]

Persona 5 origins: Kimika Hayashi chp 3

ok this one came out pretty long. so u had to put it under the read more bar.

Kimika panted tiredly as the song came to an end. Her instructor clapped her hands happily “great routine everyone! I expect this same energy tomarrow! Class dismissed!” she chirped. Children flooded out of the studio happily. Kimika stepped out into the warm sunlight.  It had been a few months since her father got back on his feet emotionally and financially. With this new sense of renewal and passion her father returned from his long term leave to continue running his company. Her father lead a very successful talent business. Seeking out all form of talent in japan and internationally. Singers, dancers, models and actors.

“hey Kimika wanna come to my house? My mom made her special peach pie!”  a boy asked

“sorry not today! My dad and I are going out for dinner!” she replied waving off her classmate “save me a slice for next time!”

~Meanwhile at her father’s compny~

“so Shiro how did your date go last night?” a coworker asked the man  who sighed with disdain. “lets just say I  wont be calling for  a second one.”

The  coworker cringed “that bad huh?”

“it just so hard to find a decent woman. Seems like every woman ive gone out with just comes across as a bad choice for Kimika. Ugh I wish I could just meet a woman  who’s sweet and kind and beautiful- ”

“like your late wife?” the coworker teased Making Shiro roll his eyes “no one could replace Kira” he scoffed. The coworker put a hand on Shiro’s shoulder“ I get you want a good mother figure for Kimika but don’t forget to look for someone who makes you happy too”

“I guess your right. Its not like the perfect woman will fall tight into my arms anyway” he laughed looking at his watch “I should get going, I promised Kimika id take her to that little bistro for dinner tonight”

Out in the waiting area Kimika sat happily. Her ear’s perked up at the sound of the door opening but was disappointed when only a woman with long black hair only came out. She was on the phone speaking coldly. As the same time her dad came out of his office, busying looking thru his bag  to see the black haired woman coming  around the corner

“I don’t care who her mother is, if I say she’s out then then she’s out! If she has a problem then Ill glady tell her here she can shov-”

Papers and  books suddenly went flying, the woman stumbled but was caught by her father. In reflex her father swooped the girl up in his arms. The woman looked like she was about to say something but stopped when she locked eyes with Shiro

“im so sorry! I didn’t see where I…. was going” Shiro stared to  apololgize but slowed to a stop. This woman was… beautiful. Long silken hair, fierce green eyes that just captivating the smokey make up only completed the look

“oh no the fault was all my own Mr. Hayayshi” she expressed as he set her down

That’s right.. this woman worked for him, in ran the modeling department of his company

“Natsumi Kono, right?”

The woman smiled and nodded. Shiro quickly went to pick up her things

“Miss Kono please allow me to  aplologize properly! I was on my way to  dinner with my daughter would you like to accompany us?”

Kimika froze when the woman turned her gaze on her. She wasn’t sure why it made her uncomfortable. Her mouth was smiling but her eyes weren’t smiling at all..

“I would be honored Mr. Hayashi. Especially with such a cute little girl” she  chuckled

 ~8 months later~

Bells chimed at rice and confetti filled the hair Kimika, now 13 watched her father and her now Step-mother Natsumi walk down the church steps. Its seemed a little fast to her but as long her father was happy so was she.

“lets get a photo of the happy family! ” the photographer called. Kimika too her position in front of her father and stepmother. As the photographer counted to 3 out of know where Natsumi dropped the bouquet. Helpful as always Kimika bent down to pick it up. Just as she grabbed the bouquet the flash went off. The girl looked up in confusion

“I think one is enough” she smiled at the photographer

~sometime later~

Kimika watched as movers ran back and forth bringing in item after item of Natsumi’s things

“she sure has a lot of stuff..” Kimika piped. There had to be a lot of  stuff moved to make make room for Natsumi.  Her farther moved his office to the basement while Kimika was forced to give up her playroom.

“does.. she have to have so much?” she questioned? Her father sighed putting his hands on her shoulders

“Kimika, I know this is a big change but once she’s  moved all it things will  be fine. Who knows before you know it you two will be best friends. ”

“I don’t know daddy.. something seems off..” she admitted in a quiet voice

“I just need  you to try ok? For me?” he pleaded

“ok, ill try.. for you”

Smiling her father kissed her forhead “hey im gonna go get us all some dinner, why don’t you get settled in?”

“hey were do you want this?” a mover called her was holding a box labled ‘notes” with lots of music symbols around it

“ill take it!” Kimika proclaimed taking the box

It was a box of her fathers music notes. She was sure he wanted them where he could find them later.

As Kimika  entered her father and  now stepmother’s room. Natsumi had so many things. A large mirror with detailed carvings,   more clothes then she had ever seen in her life and a large vanity with tons of jewelry , accessories and make up putting the papers down on her bed Kimika stalked over to the vanity. So many colors and pallets. Her picked up  a small container that seemed to be dilled with some sort of scented white powder. She sniffed it. It smelled like  flora

“well look who let themselves right in” a cold silken voice said. Whipping around she saw Natsumi, glaring at her. That gaze again. It made her feel so small, like she was an insect. Natsumi walked over her. Suddenly feeling embarrassed Kimika bowed her head

“i-i-I’m sorry stepmother I should of came in here without permission”

She said nothing. Only took the cantainter from her

“did you touch this?”

A short pause Kimika nodded. Suddenly  Natsumi threw the container to the floor. Spreading poweder all over. The womans hand snaked over grabbing Kimika but one of her braids. The child yelped put in suprise.

“I will only tell you this once…” she started pausing her face scaned over Kimika’s face. There was a quick flash of something Kimika couldnt recognize. realization? fear?

“stay out of our room. I don’t want you touching my things” she finish relinquishing her

“no get out” she hissed

Letting out a small hiccup Kimika rushed out of the room.

Kimika came down the steps in a huff, ballet shoes inhands “bye dad im going to  practice!” she called

“hold on sweetie we need to talk to you about something!”

“yes daddy?” “well we needed to discuss some things, since Natsumi lives with us  now-” he started  “darling why don’t you let me handle this?” Natsumi interrupted. Id like chat alone with Kimika,  yknow girl to girl” she requested sweetly

“oh alright your wish is my command ” he joked “ill leave you ladies to it” he called walking  out of the room. Natsumi turned her gaze on Kimika. that feeling of inferiority washed over her again

“come here child”

She wanted to move but not toward her, instead out the room

“I said come here!” she said harshly. This made Kimika come closer. Once in range Natsumi grabbed the girls chin and pulled her in to get a closer look. It seem like ages that she examined the child’s face. Suddenly she scoffed and roughly let go

 “you know when I look at you I see none of Shiro. Only your mother, that foreigner. Sure she was talented but never truly fit in our society” she said coldly with a laugh

“this all must me so difficult for you, the world seems to constantly spin for you” she spoke “you must know that I will never take your mother’s place and I don’t intend tot fill it. So lets get that idea out of your head shall we?”

Kimika fought back tears. Why was she so cold? She seemed to kind in the beginning or maybe she was never kind to begin with. “m-may I go now?”

“not just yet”

“last night you left this room a total mess, youre not a little girl anymore! Its time you stopped acting like a spoiled little princess and pull your own weight around here.” She growled shoving a broom into her hand “you will  do as  clean and do everything  I tell you understand?”

Conflicted Kimika could only nod “yes stepmother”

Natsumi smirked at the girl “good now get to it . you wont step a ballet shoe out that door until this room is spotless!”

“hmm not bad but there seems to be something wrong with this carpet”

“what?”

“you missed a spot, right.. there” she  said knowing over the large plant. Dirt spilled out

“Natsumi, im gonna run to the office- what happened  here?” her father questioned

“poor Kimika she got careless with the broom and knocked over the plant”

“oh I see, you need to be mor careful next time Kimi, be a dear and clean that up” he kissed Natsumi on the cheek before leaving. The woman gave an all knowing glance at her

“you heard him, clean it up” she chuckled turning on heel out of the room.

 From then on it was constant chores from down until dusk. She was so busy she never had the time (or energy to  even go to the neighborhood studio to practice dancing.  Kimika’s father soon started  doing more work out of the city and even out of the country

-3 years later-

It had been a long day, she had to go up to school all by herself to pick up her uniform. She would be starting high school soon at Shujin academy. Her father was still overseas for work so it was sadly her and her stepmother. To top it all off she had to practically go around town getting all  the thing Natsumi needed. She  was grateful to spend a few hours at the dance studio where Masayo and her practiced for a bit. Time got a away from her a little but she managed to get back before it was too late. Kimika entered the house and she could of sworn she heard giggling? It was cominf from  down the hall. Was her father back? Putting down all the bags she walked down the hall. The door was open with articles of clothes were  scattered about. The girl saw a pair of male shoes, an got a sick sensation in her stomach

~these aren’t dad’s..~

Walking into the the door way Kimika looked in horror.  Natsumi was on the bed entangled around a man that was definitely not her father. He had to be at least 20 years younger. Wait.. she knew him, he worked in the financials.  Natsumi let out a moan, kissing a strange man.  A sound of disgust escaped her lips before Kimika could stop it. The couple jumped at  the noise looking at her

“I thought you said she was out??” the man said in a panicked tone. He quickly scrambled off the of Natsumi  and the bed. Natsumi threw on a robe. Kimika tried to back out of the room but Natsumi lunged for her  grabbing her arm in an Iron grip. She struggled with all her might but couldnt get the woman to let go.

“let go of me! I cant believe youre doing this to my father, after everything he’s done for you!”

“shut up!!” she hissed

“this is bad! This is very bad!  When Shiro finds out ill lose my job!” he panicked “ not to mention what will happen to you!

“ stop your pathetic blabbering Koichi! Shiro will not find out and she wont tell a soul ” she  spat pushing Kimika into a chair. Koichi shrugged on the last of his pants before running out of the room “ Koichi wait don’t go!” she begged, looking flustered but only heard the slam of the front door. Natsumi turned to Kimika staring at her with so much hate

“Kimika im not sure what you saw but Koichi is a dear friend” she said in a comforting voice reaching for her but the girl flinched away. This woman was beyond disgusting

“I can see you two are very close” she muttered

“I cant even begin to process this… I need time to think”

“Think of your father. Things have been so good these past few years. His depression has become almost non existant, the company is flourishing with business and a wife he love very very much. Now what would happen If you go running your mouth hmm? he would never trust me again.  This marraiged would fall apart.. I cant imagine how a divorce would send him spiraling back into depression. You wouldn’t want that would you?

 Kimika thought about her father and his mental health. After her mom died he  was absolutely miserable but The last few years her father’s mental health have been improving. He still took medication and therapy but he was doing so much better. He was always happy and smiling just like she alwayed wanted him to be again

 “that’s what I thought. Now heres how its gonna go. You will act like you saw none of this.  You wont breathe a word of this to your father!”she demanded

“what makes you think ill keep quiet about this?” Kimika Excaimed , tears threatening to spill. This couldn’t be happening

“because if I divorce your father he will lose everyting and I mean everything. Its all in the paperwork. If your father dies or divorces me I get it all,  the house, the money and the company. You’ll be put out on the streets”

“what?? That cant be true! He’s always told me id take over ” she was told in private  that one day she’d take over the company. Why would he change it

“believe it  cupcake. Your stupid child mind wouldn’t understand how easy it is to manipulate men.“ she laughed coldly “ so I hope we have an understanding of each other. You say a word and ill drag your father thru the dirt to hell and back. He will never recover from this”

Kimika let out a sob, she never felt so powerless “you’re a monster..”

[theroadtorestoration-blog]

5/26/2017 I would like to hold myself accountable in some way, so I'm going to start posting. Today I binged. These past few weeks have consisted of more binges than these past few months and it's scaring me. I started meeting with my therapist because of this and because of an ample amount of free time. I believe this amount of free time is causing me to think FAR too much about "fixing" myself, which is why I end up bingeing. My breakfasts and lunches have been satisfactory in the eyes of a girl on a weight loss journey, but if you ask my therapist, they are considered restrictive. Anyways, I'm going to be posting before, during, and after binges from now on in order to get a clearer sense of some of the reasons behind WHY I keep falling down this path. I'd really like to make this summer a time for myself to get closer to overcoming this battle of one and I believe the first step is being honest. So, here I am. Post-binge & post-purge as I walk the Weber Center track. My goal for the night is to reach 20,000 steps. Is this overexercise? Probably, but the highly irrational side of my brain is okay with that because... well.. whatever leads to weight loss. While I'm here, I guess I'll say how my day went and maybe I'll discover some potential triggers. 8:00- woke up and showered. I put on a cute outfit but I changed into a more comfortable one that made me feel really bad about my body. I changed bc I thought I'd get cold at graduation rehearsal. I even put on lipstick and earrings! Probably bc I wanted to impress my boo thang 8:15- I had my ACV and then I ate breakfast. I make myself drink this before breakfast bc I believe it's the magic waste loss cure. I wanted some protein so I started out with a strawberry Greek yogurt. I then made some oatmeal and had that as my starch instead of granola because for some reason I thought eating oatmeal would keep me from binging today ??? Who knows. My logic is skewed. I put 1 tbsp of protein in it bc I thought more protein = fuller tummy = lower chance of bingeing. I then had a disgusting overcooked hard boiled egg. My reflux of that was SICKENING. I had a strawberry too. I really wanted to binge but I left.... 8:35- supposed to be at graduation rehearsal @ 9. There was a breakfast from 8-9 that I skipped bc HA. when's the last time I've ever gone to a provided breakfast??? The idea of putting one of those bagels in my system makes me wanna barf. Disgusting carbs. 8:44- I arrive at niles North. I don't wanna see these people. Ugh. I wanna hide myself. I don't wanna walk in front of that crowd and get body shamed. I wanna see vaughn but I don't want him to see me. If I cross my arms over my belly maybe my body will turn invisible. 9:00- the gym is filled with pastries and bagels. Yuck. How does everyone just eat all of that stuff so carelessly? 9:05- the rehearsal is fine and long and I just wanna go and get on with my day. I'm so sick of this place and I hate all of this small talk. I see Uche and vaughn talking. Blah. I see tiselle. I think she hates me. Do I owe her an apology? Vaughn and I aren't even really dating. We've basically just hooked up and had some sleepovers. 9:40- omg there was this thing we had to do when we went to our seats and the person directly across from you in the parallel line would sit at the same time as you and vaughn and I were parallel! Love those coincidences. Also during the ceremony I sat behind manduul. He makes me uncomfortable. I also sat behind Nathan, vaughns friend, and I felt very judged. Am I too much for people? 10:00- I'm free! I zoom toward the exit and to the door and jump into my car. I don't wanna talk to anyone. I head to old navy and call dad. I tell him to meet me there. 10:15- I begin shopping. I enjoy shopping but it can be tough. I like my body now more than I used to, but I've still got some improvements to make. Im really proud of my exercise efforts though. I've been so consistent!!! I can't wait to continue on this fitness journey and to get a better grip on this healthy lifestyle. 1:00- omg, I'm finally done shopping. I can't believe I spent $270 on clothes...... holy shit. I've never done that before. It was my dads money and he was happy to do it but damn. I feel so spoiled. do I even deserve all of this stuff? Probably not. Ugh I'm so privileged it makes me sick. 1:05- dad was gross and flirty with cashier and I really don't wanna be around him but I have a salad at his house I was gonna eat for lunch so I head there and he follows right behind me in his car!!! Oy. 1:15- I eat a green salad from Trader Joe's. It has a lot of fat in it (27 g) but not a lot of protein (14 g) so I'm freaking out and worried about a later binge. Should I have that salmon in there or is it too much? The meal is only 370 calories. Do I need more? Dad comes and eats both of the small containers with salmon. He says it's okay to eat that much bc he worked out!!!! He keeps saying shit like that. It's so triggering. He says it as if you need to earn the right to eat which is such a disordered way of thinking. Is my whole family disordered? Oy vey. 1:30- I try and speed through lunch because this man is driving me insane. I say I'm gonna go to moms house and clean. I end up going upstairs until 2 and I just laid down and looked up things for vaughn and I to do tonight. Couldn't find anything. 2:05- I head to moms house. I grab 2 pieces of gum from dads fridge bc I think it'll rid of the urge to binge. It does for a while. I continue cleaning up and getting rid of stuff at moms while I listen to music. Not aware of the time. I take a break at some point. I head to the fridge and I get a chicken breast from jewel. I heat it up. My favorite part is the fatty skin. Is that completely disgusting? Probably. I'm proud of myself bc I eat it at a controlled pace which is new for me. I also have 3 pieces of shrimp. I'm upset with myself bc I'm watching a movie as I eat it. The love is called Blue is the Warmest Color. It's about lesbians. I question my sexuality for the thousandth time. I see that Jacob (my Ex boyfriends) new friend group posts a picture of themselves with a couch. Why are they mocking my friend group? Whatever! I also make myself a French vanilla cappuccino and I crave some shortbread cookies but I don't let myself. I tell myself to wait it out and let the craving pass because I know I'm not actually hungry. I stop watching the movie at this point and I return to cleaning. I have short text conversation with Spencer about vaughn and then about dammy. I realized that I'm not sure if I really trust vaughn and the relationship I currently have with him is kinda strange and I'm not sure how much I really wanna pursuit it. I really enjoy him though. He's so intelligent and makes great convo. At some point, I make my way to the kitchen again and I let myself have a ton of chocolate. I reach for the box of Fannie may chocolates that I discovered a few days back and rip through half of that, I love the chocolates with raspberry centers. I then reach for a box of European chocolates and they are expired and dusty looking. Yuck. I then eat some m&ms and chocolate squares and it's out of hand. I even have some more maple cookies and I heat up a handheld apple pie from Krispy cream. I heat up a butternut squash ravioli and vegetables lean cuisine and I devour it. I want more pasta. More carbs. I find another pasta dish in the freezer, I heat it, and it's gross. I put it in a container and throw it in the fridge. Wonder what my mom will think about all of the containers and food wrappers in the garbage. I hope she doesn't question me about it. I then have 2 spinach pie triangles and heat them in panini maker. Not very good. Then I make a quesadilla with 2 tortillas and a ton of cheese. I eat that by the tv. I then make another one even though I'm beginning to feel sick. This is the last thing I eat. I drink some water out a wine glass and I'm mad at myself. Go figure. This always ends up happening. I'm not sure I'll ever learn. I go to the bathroom and lay down and I'm in so much pain. I try spitting up my food. Oh yeah, just to mention I was spitting up some of my chocolate earlier on and I did this by running around and drinking water. Anyways, after My binge I'm in the bathroom trying to throw up and my phone is dying so I grab the extension cord thingy and I bring it to the bathroom downstairs bc I enjoy purging into that Toilet better and I charge my phone as I spit food up. Not too much comes up. I watch a video about what to do after a binge. It's not too helpful. I do hear AGAIN that I need to not restrict after a binge. This is so hard to learn bc I always have events coming up. I'm not trying to look like a fat ass at graduation or on birthright!!! 7:20- I decide to head to Weber center to walk. It's raining outside but I need to do something and I don't wanna be with other people. lol I never wanna be with other people. I'm too ashamed of myself. I set a goal for myself to walk 20,000 steps and I compete with everyone walking. Well, that's my day so far. If anything drastic ends up happening, I'll update you in tomorrow's post. Until then, keep on fighting. You are not your illness and I have no doubt that you'll eventually beat this. I love you, rach. Signing off.