#I LOVE MY OCS SO SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!! I WISH I COULD CONVEY THIS AND YELL ABOUT THEM !!!!!!!

[a-gay-little-cat]

sometimes i think to myself. damn! i should talk about my ocs more to more than one person! but then i forget !

[wiypt-writes]

Too Loose And You’ll Lose It

co-written with @icanfeelastormbrewing​

Ch7: Old Habits Die Hard Part 3

Summary: Stella faces the aftermath of her actions in Mexico, and heads home to stay with her mom for a while. But Jake’s hot on her heels, and he’s not giving in without a fight.

Pairing: Jake Jensen x OFC Stella Stevenson

Warnings: Bad language and a whole heap of angst.

A/N: So here is the final part of Chapter 7…and well, we hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. We do not own any characters in this series bar Stella Stevenson and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

TLAYLI Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 7 Part 2

So lay down your weary heart, stay by my side, and I promise I’ll be here, till we run out of time

"Hey, Pumpkin." Evan gave Stella a small smile as she answered the door and Stella found herself grimacing at the pet name.

"Hi." She gave him a little smile back as he leaned in to kiss her. Automatically, she turned her face to the side so he caught her cheek and not her lips. He frowned a little as she stepped back to let him in and glanced at her for a moment, his eyes sliding downwards for a split second and Stella saw something flash on his face, but she couldn't quite place his expression. Without a word, he stepped into the apartment, following her to the living area. When she reached the couch she took a deep breath and opened her mouth to say something but he jumped in.

"Listen Stella, I’m so sorry. I was an ass, I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did and left you to go to the wedding alone."

"So you weren’t working then?" She shook her head as Evan let out a sigh. "I didn’t think so

Evan licked his lips and dropped his head a little. "No, I wasn’t. Like I said, I reacted like an ass. I shouldn’t have lied to you, I'm sorry."

"But you did and," Stella shrugged, "it doesn’t matter anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"It’s over, Evan."

Evan blinked, and then frowned a little. "Is this because of what I said the other night?"

Stella sighed. "In a way, yes, it is." She looked at him for a second as the hurt spread across his face before she took a deep breath and glanced down at her hands. She felt awful. Guilt was flooding her system, not only at the hurt on his face but the fact she'd done what she had. But she knew she had to stand strong. It wasn't fair on him, and it wasn't fair on her. "It caught me unawares and I didn’t know how to react," she looked up as she tried to explain, "I panicked but the truth is I didn’t say it back because I couldn’t Ev. I still can’t."

"Stel, look," Evan swallowed and took a step towards her, "I get it. You’ve been hurt in the past and you’re worried about how fast it’s going and, maybe you can’t say it yet, but you know, that doesn’t mean you don’t or you won’t."

"I thought it could be that way but I can’t lie to myself. Not anymore." She shook her head. "I don’t love you Evan. And I’m not sure I ever will."

Evan blinked, and in an instant the hurt on his face slid into something more akin to anger as his jaw set. He gave a scoff, shaking his head and gestured towards her with his right hand.

"You know, you’re never gonna be able to love anyone else whilst you’re still letting Jensen into your head and your bed." The slap his arm made as it swung back to his side rang loudly across the silent apartment as Stella felt her eyes widen.

"What? That’s not," she desperately tried to protest, even thought it was a blatant lie, "I haven’t-"

"No?" Evan gave a scoff. "The mark on your neck tells me a different story."

Stella felt the heat in her neck, she'd been well and truly caught out, and she felt like shit. She took a deep breath, deciding to come clean, he deserved that at least. "I’m sorry. I was drunk and it was a huge mistake. I shouldn’t have done it but that’s nothing to do with why I’m ending this."  

Evan shook his head. "I should have come with you. Fuck!" He seethed. "I shouldn’t have left you alone with him."

"But you didn’t come, and I cheated on you." Stella remained calm. "I'm not proud of it, I've never done this to anyone before and I feel awful, I really do." She swallowed and sighed. "You’re a great guy, Evan, and you have to believe me when I say, what happened this weekend has nothing to do with why I’m... "

"Why you’re breaking up with me? Really, Stel? You expect me to believe that?"

Stella licked her lips and blinked back her tears. "It’s the truth. I’m sorry."

"For what exactly, Stella? For leading me on? For making me fall in love with you when you’re still clearly hooked on your ex? For cheating on me? And with him nonetheless!" Evan's voice gathered volume as he ranted, all the time his eyes boring into hers, "fuck Stel! After everything I did for you!"

Stella looked down, unable to meet his eyes as a tear fell down her cheek. "I wasn’t leading you on. I really did, I mean do like you I just," she looked up, "I can’t lie to you or to myself anymore. This isn’t right. And I think deep down you know that it ain’t gonna work."

“Of course it ain’t gonna work. Because you’re not putting any effort into it!"

"It shouldn’t have to be an effort, Ev." Stella responded, wetting her lips a little with her tongue. There was a moment of silence, before Evan scoffed.

"Whatever. If you're happy to keep being a way for that asshole to simply get his dick wet then that’s up to you. But I tell you something, he’ll hurt you again. And don’t come crying to me when he does."

Stella took a deep breath, trying to keep her emotions in check. "It’s not like that. At all. He’s not, I mean I’m not..." she trailed off and rubbed at her temple. "This has got nothing to do with him, Evan. I’m breaking it off because I don’t love you and I’m really sorry but I can’t lie to you."

"The only person you’re lying to is yourself, Stella." Evan shook his head. "I’ll see myself out."

He turned to leave, Stella remained rooted to the spot. She looked up at the ceiling, wiped her eyes and then turned to him as he opened the door.

"Evan, I really am sorry." She whispered and he stopped, taking a deep breath before he turned to look at her, his blue eyes wet with tears which made Stella feel about as low as she ever had.

"So am I."

With that the door slammed, leaving her stood alone in her apartment, deadly silence engulfing the room. Her legs gave way and she sank to the floor, her back pressed to the couch, tears pouring down her face.

“Fuck!” She yelled, throwing her head back against the couch. She felt like shit. She never wanted to hurt him, she really did like him and never set out for any of this to happen. She'd wanted to have a future, with someone else, but the sad thing was, Evan had hit the nail on the head. As long as Jake was in her life and her heart, she was never going to be able to be with anyone else.

Because, as much as she wished it wasn't true, she still loved him.

As she sat there, her head awash with a flood of feelings and doubts, her phone rang. Shifting a little, she pulled it from her pocket and saw her sister’s name flashing on the screen. Stella took a deep breath, contemplating simply letting it go to voicemail but she realised she really wanted to hear a friendly voice, and despite the fact they were very different people, she loved her sister and knew that Rey would always have her back. With a shaking hand she swiped to answer the call.

“Hey Stel, how was Mexico? I want all the goss about you and Evs first little break! Well, maybe not all the goss as that’s gross and TMI but-“

At that Stella let out the sob she had been trying to keep down and managed to stutter her sister’s name. Immediately, Rey’s tone flicked from its usual, bubbly nature to concerned.

“Woah, Stelly? What’s wrong? Has something happened?”

“Yeah. I just.... “ at that more tears came and her voice broke once more as she struggled to speak.

“You what, Stel? Are you ok?” Rey demanded. “Why are you crying Stel? Talk to me.”

Stella took a deep breath, fighting for control, eventually managing to find enough to stammer into the phone, “I broke up with Ev.”

“You did what?” Rey’s voice was nothing more than a hissed whisper, conveying her shock. “Why? Stel, are you out of your mind?”

At that Stella began crying even more. “I don’t know, maybe.” She wiped her face with the back of her sweater sleeve, giving a very undignified snort as she did so. “But I don’t love him Rey and...” She choked on her words, struggling for composure as her sister took a deep breath.

“You don’t love him? I don’t-“

“He told me he loved me and I couldn’t say it back. So I went to Mexico in my own and-“

Rey cut her off with a low groan. “Tell me you didn’t!” Stella’s loud sob was all the answer Rey needed. “Oh Stell!”

“I know, I know! But I was drunk and I felt lonely and mad at Ev and, it’s Jakey, Rey!”

“You still love him don’t you?” Rey’s voice was sympathetic, not a shred of frustration left. Stella swallowed, pressing the hell of her hand to her forehead in an attempt to relieve the pain that was starting to form from the force of her crying.

“I never stopped.” She stammered and Rey gave a heavy sigh.

“Shit, Stel.”

“Rey, I don’t know what to do.” Stella whispered, her voice trembling as she struggled for air, her throat felt tight and dry.

“Have you talked to him? To Jake I mean?”

“Sorta.” Stella gave another snort. “The morning after I mean, but I can’t face him. I can’t go there again Rey, I just-“

“And that’s fine, Stel, you don’t have to. Just avoid him until you clear your head. You can call me whenever you need to, I got you on this.” Her big sister placated, voice stern yet gentle. “And you got Clay there too. Talk to him if it’s too much, okay?”

Stella took a shaky breath. “Yeah. Yeah okay.” She wiped her eyes and her nose once more before she cleared her throat. “Listen, Rey, I’m gonna go get a bath. I’m exhausted.”

“Great idea, use some of that bath foam I made, it’s got lavender and rose hip in, perfect relaxation.”

Stella smiled. “Sounds like the perfect accompaniment to a large glass of red.”

Rey chuckled before she sighed. “Promise me you call me if you need me? No matter what time or when.”

“I will. Thanks Rey, oh, and don’t mention this to Mom. Not yet. I’ll tell her myself.”

“I won’t tell a soul.” Rey assured her.

“Thanks. I love you.”

“Love you too, sis.”

Stella cut the call, tossing the phone onto the coffee table before she hugged her knees to her chest, lending herself some comfort before he heaved herself off the floor and headed to the kitchen. She filled a wine glass full to the brim before she slurped a mouthful, wiping her tears once more before she made sure her door was locked, flicked off the lights and headed to the bathroom.

****

It was Thursday, four days after getting home, and Stella was sat outside on her small balcony, wrapped in a warm sweater in the April sun with a book and a coffee when there was a loud knock on her door. She hesitated for a moment, as it had to be someone who had access to the building and her mind immediately went to Jake, before she heard Clay's deep baritone.

"Stella, it's me. Open up."

It was a command, not a question, so she placed her book down on the table, picked up her mug and headed inside. She opened the door and turned away, leaving him to follow her, which he did, shutting the door behind him.

"You want at a coffee?" She asked, heading into the kitchen. "It's not long made."

"Sure." Clay nodded, and he stayed silent whilst Stella made herself a fresh cup, and one for Clay, knowing just how he took it, before she slid it over the counter and for the first time met his eyes.

"You look like shit. Guess this mystery illness really has wiped you out, huh?”

"Thanks, Franklin." She said sarcastically and Clay snorted. "I haven’t been sleeping well."

"Yeah, you definitely caught-" Clay raised his hands and bend his index and middle fingers on both, making quotation signs, "-the bug. It’s annoying, right?" Stella looked at him, blinking as he took a sip of his drink, knowing full well that he had well and truly sussed her out. "And impossible to cure from what I hear. Not even a slap gets rid of it."

Stella let out a soft groan. "Should have imagined you saw that."

"Stell, sweetheart, the entire party saw it." Clay eyed her. "Gotta say, your dad would be proud. It was one hell of a slap."

She scratched at her neck. "In my defense I was drunk and angry."

"Yeah, I know. I caught your apology to Pooch and Jolene the next day. Just before you rushed to the airport ignoring the rest of us."

"I needed to catch my flight." Stella's gaze dropped to the counter, both her hands cupping her mug.

"Before the bug caught you sneaking away from the resort, huh?"

"Something like that." She sighed and took a sip of her coffee.

"So what you gonna do?" Clay asked, placing his mug down. "About your condition, I mean."

Stella shrugged, bowing her head. "That’s the worst bit, Clay. I can’t do anything can I? I couldn’t even be happy with someone else."

"You speaking about Evan in the past tense now?" Clay cocked his head and Stella swallowed.

"I ended it on Sunday."

"Well, I'm not gonna lie and tell you I’m sorry, Stella." Clay shrugged a little and Stella's mouth curled up inot a sad little smile.

"I don’t expect you to."

"You know as well as I do there was something off about that guy." Clay continued and Stella gave a little groan.

"Can we not? There was, is, nothing wrong with Evan. This is down to me and my inability to get some dickhead who dumped me years ago outta my head."

"And out of your bed from what I’ve heard." Clay eyed her shrewdly and Stella stilled, looking at him for a moment before she licked her lips.

"How do you know about that?"

"Practically everyone knew by breakfast." Clay gave her a sympathetic smile. "Turns out one spiteful, red-headed bridesmaid was on your floor too and you weren’t exactly quiet when you were shouting down the hall."

Stella groaned.

"Hell hath no fury, Arty." Clay's eyes twinkled with humour and Stella rolled her eyes.

"It’s complicated, Clay and I can’t face Jake. Not yet. Not like this." She signalled to her congested face and red eyes and Clay took a deep breath, his face sympathetic.

"He’s been worried sick. Says you’re ignoring him."

"Huh, maybe he isn’t as stupid as he looks." Stella shrugged and Clay gave a snort.

"Despite what we all say, he isn’t an idiot. He knows he fucked up. Again."

"It wasn’t just him. We both... well, I wasn’t exactly unwilling." Stell licked her lips as she shrugged. "And as much as I want to say I hated it..." She trailed off, her finger gliding around the rim of her mug. "But it just made everything worse."

"Well, one thing I can tell you is that sitting in here, hiding away isn't going to help." Clay spoke gently, and as Stella opened her mouth to protest he cut her off, holding his hand up. "He's not here. He shipped out with Cougs to support a specialist recruitment exercise at Fort Sill this morning."

"How long is he gone?" Stell asked, her voice quiet.

"He’s back Friday." Clay smiled. "Look, why don’t you take a few days off and go home. You could use some family time right now."

"We just got back from a few days away."

"Yeah, and you've been here, hiding so what difference does it make if you hide in New Hampshire? Besides, you're no use to me like this." Stella took a deep breath as Clay continued. "How long since you saw your mom or Rey?"

"Bout six weeks."

"Then go." Clay persisted. "It's not like you have anything pressing here to do, if we need you then I’ll send for you."

"Thanks, Clay." Stella smiled. "

*****

“What do you mean she’s gone home?” Jensen frowned as Clay looked at him, having just finished explaining to the pair of them where Stella was.

“Well, you know her home in New Hampshire?”

“Yeah?”

“She’s gone there.”

Cougar snorted and Jensen let out a low groan of frustration. He was tired and had just gotten back from a long, hard slog away from home to be greeted by this and he wasn’t in the mood for Clay’s sarcasm.

“When is she coming back?” He demanded, staring at his boss who shrugged.

“I don’t know if she is, Jensen.”

At that Jensen blinked. Was Clay seriously suggesting Stel had quit for good? “What? I don’t-why?”

“Why do you think?” For the first time since Jensen had started speaking, Clay’s frustration was evident in his tone. “After your bunk up in Mexico she finished with Evan and she’s cut up, big time.”

Jensen took a deep breath, as the flood of relief he expected to hear once he’d got that news never came. Instead, he felt nothing but a deep sense of guilt at the fact Stella was upset. And he was part of the cause of that.

“She’s hurting Jake, and I think this time it’s just gotten too much.” Clay finished, his voice a little less spiked than it had been. Jensen ran his hand through his hair, before he shook his head.

“Fuck.”

“Jensen, why don’t you call her?” Cougar looked at him and Jake rolled his eyes.

“You know I tried that, several times. She won’t answer my calls or messages.”

“And you’re gonna let that stop you?” Clay folded his arms across his chest and raised his brow. “What happened to fighting for your girl, Jensen?”

Jensen blinked, his eyes not leaving Clay as his words sunk in. He was right, he had to try and fix this.

“I need to go.” He mumbled before he turned and bolted from the office, a loud apology hitting their ears along with a shout from someone else he had clearly run into in his haste to leave.

There was a pause as both men simply stared at the open door, before Cougar broke the silence. “She’s coming back, right?”

“She didn’t say she wasn’t.” Clay nodded.

“So why did you make out to Jensen like she was done?” Cougar looked at Clay who simply smirked as he turned his head towards him.

“Why do you think?”

****

Less than ten minutes after leaving the office, Jake was in his car speeding down the freeway. With one hand he juggled his phone, pressing the button to call the one person he knew would help him.

“I’m coming home.” He blurted into the handset as soon as his call was answered and Jane gave a little scoff.

“I thought you might be.” Her voice was flat. “Rey called me last night on her way to pick Stel up, told me all about your hook up in Mexico. What the hell were you playing at, Jake!”

“Yeah, I know, I fucked up and I need to make it right. I’m on my way to the airport, I’ll be on the next flight into Logan that I can get and I need you to pick me up.”

There was a pause and Jane sighed. “Leave it with me, I’ll get online and see if I can book one for you.”

“Thanks.” He mumbled before he tossed his phone onto the passenger seat and pushed his foot down on the gas, hanging the exit that would connect him onto the road for DC and the Airport.

Jane called back ten minutes later saying there was a flight an hour or so later which he was on. He arrived twenty or so minutes later and parked in the first space he could find on the long stay car park. As he climbed out, he grabbed his wallet, phone and jacket and debated taking his kit bag but, deciding it would slow him down waiting through security, he left it and set off at a sprint to the departure area.

Thankfully, Military ID gives you certain privileges if you can sweet talk, and Jensen could sweet talk with the best of them, so he managed to skip most of the queues and made it to the gate as the last few people were boarding.

Whilst the flight was only an hour and fifteen, it was an hour and fifteen too long and he was restless for all of it. His leg was continually twitching, his hand running repeatedly through his hair and scratching the short layer of stubble that covered his chin and cheeks. He was aware that he was annoying the elderly woman sitting next to him as he could feel her glaring at him and in an attempt to keep his annoying, nervous little ticks to himself, he tried to read the paper that was in the seat pocket in front of him. But it was pointless, he’d been on the same article for twenty minutes, repeatedly losing his place as his thoughts strayed to Stella, so with a huff he folded it back up and leaned back, closing his eyes.

Whilst sleeping on transport wasn’t normally a problem, being in the Army you learnt to sleep when you could, it totally evaded him and he felt like crying in relief when the pilot announced their descent into Logan. As soon as their wheels were down, he attracted the attention of one of the attendants and begged her to let him off the flight first, citing a military emergency, once more flashing his ID. Five minutes later she returned, smiling at him.

“Follow me, Captain Jensen.”

With a relieved sigh he stood up, grabbing his jacket from the overhead locker and followed her to the door which was just opening into the tunnel.

“Thanks,” he nodded at her as the door was latched into place, “by the way, I love your dress.”

He set off at a sprint through the airport. More abuse of his military privileges saw him clear security in record time and he hurried into the arrivals lounge where he saw Jane waiting for him.

“You have no bag?” She frowned as he gave her a quick hug.

“I didn’t have time.” He shrugged and Jane rolled her eyes.

“From what Rey told me, Stella is gonna be here till next week...”

“Yeah but you booked me a flight I had like an hour to catch...”

“Because you said there was a mad panic!”

“And there is.” Jensen shrugged as they began to walk towards the exit. “Like I said, I need to speak to her.”

“So, what is your plan today?” Rey smirked at him a little as they headed over to the car park.

Jake swallowed. He’d spent the last few hours trying to come up with a plan of sorts and had failed, miserable, so there was only one option. “I’m just gonna tell her I’m sorry and how I feel about her, honestly.” He shrugged as they strode through the rows of parked cars. “She might listen, she might not but I can’t leave it how it was. I gotta try, Jane.”

“Yeah I know Jake.” Jane stopped at her car. “But have you ever thought you can’t always have what you want when you want it and how you want it? It’s always been like that little bro and she’s not a skateboard or a football, she’s a person.”

“I know she’s a person, Jane! But I have to tell her, if she doesn’t wanna listen then-“ he shrugged as Jane unlocked her car, “-at least I’ll know.”

“Well, good luck, you’re gonna need because, according to Rey she is really bad.” Jane climbed into the driver’s seat and Jensen dropped heavily into the passenger one. “Oh, and you might wanna avoid Rey.”

Jake scoffed as Jane reversed the car out of the space. “Rey doesn’t scare me.”

“No?” Jane threw him a look as she drove towards the barrier.

“Nope.” He sniffed, pausing. “She terrifies me.”

Between not wanting to disturb his parents and also being unable to face the inevitable lecture about his behaviour from his dad, at least not until he’d spoken to Stella, Jane suggested he stayed with them. So, Forty-five minutes later, they arrived at Jane’s home, Gracie barrelling out of the house to greet her uncle. He swung her up, giving her a huge cuddle as she began to chat to him about her school and soccer. Jensen tried to listen and pay attention, but his mind was whirring about how he was going to get Stella to meet him. As he walked into the kitchen, Rob handed him a beer and clapped his shoulder as he sank into a chair round the table, letting out a sigh.

After he’d had something to eat and a shower, borrowing some of Robert’s clothes he tried again to reach Stel but to no avail, her phone remained switched off. And this was how it went for the next twenty four hours or so. He also tried the landline but it was always Jules who picked up and he couldn’t face speaking to her either so each time he simply hung up like some huge big cowardly chicken.

So, as a last resort, he begged Jane to help him, something Rob urged her to do too, although his reasons were slightly more selfish- he was simply annoyed that Jake was wearing his clothes and drinking his beer and being a general pain in the ass.

“Okay, okay, just,” Jane bit her lip, “let me talk to Rey, see if I can figure something out.”

She grabbed her phone and left the room, Jensen’s focus remained on the door as he could hear her softly speaking outside, but not enough to make out her words. When she came back a few minutes later she took a deep breath and looked at him.

“Rey’s taken Stella shopping to pick up Julie’s birthday gift. On the way back she’s gonna detour and head to the little cafe in their village, just off the main road through. You need to be there at five.”

Jensen gave a sigh of relief as he stood up and hugged his sister. “I owe you big time.”

“Yeah, well, just don’t be surprised if Rey punches you in the face.” Jane looked at him and Jensen took a deep breath, giving a little shrug as he walked towards the door.

“Be worth it if I can get Stella to listen to me.”

****

“Don’t fuck this up, it’s Stel ok?”

“I know. I know. Look, I’ll call you later, once…” he paused to take a deep breath, “well, once I’ve talked to her.”

Jane smiled at her brother sympathetically and reached over to kiss his cheek, giving him a hug. “Good luck, bro.”

“Thanks,” Jensen voice came out almost as a whisper, “I’m gonna need it, sis.” Taking another deep breath, he got out of the car, gathering what little courage still remained in some forsaken part of his nervous system. “Go Petunias!”

He instinctively pulled the collar of his waterproof North Face jacket round his neck against the rain and started walking with determination to the brightly lit coffee shop at the other side of the street. He jogged to avoid a passing car and soon he was crossing the threshold and being engulfed by the warm atmosphere of the place. He didn’t have to scan the room much before he spotted both Stevenson siblings sat at one of the far corner tables and he made a mental note to thank Rey for having made Stella sit with her back to the door.

Jensen breathed in and walked a couple of steps more into the shop to catch Rey’s attention and a wave of excitement washed his body when he saw her get up and say something to Stella before heading as if she was going to the counter but after turning to check her sister wasn’t looking at her she walked to him and grabbed his arm as she passed.

“You’re lucky I’m not shoving your head up your fucking ass.” Rey hissed only for him to hear.

“Nice to see you too Rey.” He smiled at the woman nervously.

“Fuck you, Jake.” Rey spoke again through gritted teeth.

“You flirting with me, Rey? ‘Coz-”

But Jensen didn’t finish whatever stupid quip his mind had come up with as Rey scoffed and left. He watched her go, and when he saw her picking her coat from the rack next to the main door he sighed.

Good start, Jensen.

In an attempt to placate his nerves, Jensen ran his hand through his damp hair and headed to Stella’s table, his nostrils registering the smell of freshly brewed coffee and sugary treats for the first time since he had stepped foot on the place.

Stella, who was checking the messages on her phone, looked up as she sensed the presence of what she thought was her sister but, much to her surprise, it was Jake Jensen she was looking straight at as he sat down on the chair in front of her.

“Hey Stel.”

“Jake.” She whispered, gasping a little with shock. “What are you doing here?”

“Clay told me you’d come home and I had to talk to you.”

Stella rolled her eyes and was about to protest when the waitress came over with the drinks Rey and her had ordered and, after placing the hot cocoa mug in front of Stella, she looked at Jake confused.

“Oh it’s okay that’s mine thanks.” Jensen said as he nodded. The waitress simply shrugged and placed the coffee mug down before leaving

“Don’t suppose there’s any point me asking how you knew I’d be here.” Stella asked, her arms crossed over her chest as she watched Jake spooning sugar into his drink. Jensen just shrugged as he kept on stirring his coffee, thinking it was a good thing she hadn’t run away the moment she had seen him. “Imma kill Rey.” She grumbled.

“You wouldn’t answer your phone.” Jensen offered, trying to keep it as simple and cool as possible.

“Maybe you should take a hint.” Stella sighed, knowing too well Jake Jensen had never been one for taking hints.

“Stel, why you being like this?” Jake frowned. “We didn’t leave it on a bad note after Mexico, I know you said it was a mistake but…”

Stella sighed again and looked down at her drink, not taking her eyes away from the random pattern of cinnamon sprinkles over the whipped cream. “I just need some headspace.” Her tone was a little softer than before, the surprise and anger at her sister setting her up slowly sweeping away. “That’s all, and you being here…”

She didn’t finish her sentence, instead she gripped her mug and took a drink and once she did she looked up to him for the very first time since she had started speaking only to realize Jensen was watching her, but his eyes weren’t looking straight at hers, they were fixed on something else.

“What?” She asked, varying between curious and concerned.

“Your ring.”

Well she hadn’t been expecting that. She cleared her throat and hesitated a little before asking. “What about it?”

“You had it in Mexico. Why are you suddenly wearing it again? You took it off months ago, when you started seeing Evan.” Jensen inquired, his eyes now effectively meeting Stella’s and he saw the surprise in her expression. “Yeah, I noticed Stel.”

“I actually stopped wearing it the day you dumped me for the second time.” She shot back and Jensen flinched at her tone. Her softness had disappeared and she was being snappy again. He only hoped she didn’t clam up before he could get his point made.

“I didn’t dump you, we were…” He sighed. That path wouldn’t lead him anywhere with Stel, so he decided to take a detour, see where it led. “You haven’t answered my question.”

Stella gave a little shake of her head. “Don’t read anything into it. I’m wearing it because I want to.”

“But, why?” He pressed again.

“I saw it in my jewellery box the day I was going to Mexico when I was looking for some earrings.” She shrugged as she explained herself. “It’s a nice ring.”

Jensen didn’t say anything. Satisfied as he was with Stella’s reasoning, he gave her a knowing smirk.

“Don’t smirk at me like that Jake.” She warned him as she narrowed her eyes.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry.” Jensen placated her before taking another sip of his coffee. “Clay told me you had ended it with Evan.”

“Yeah I bet you’re loving it.” Stella scoffed.

Jake frowned at her accusation. “No.” He shook his head. “I could never be glad you’re hurting.”

“And whose fault is that?” She glared at him.

“Are you saying it’s mine?” Jake blurted out, leaning his forearms on the table. “Look, the morning after we... you know, you told me you were splitting up with Evan and it was nothing to do with us sleeping together.”

“You’re right, I was!” Stella raised her voice, attracting the attention of the two women at the table next to theirs. “But that wasn’t an excuse for me to go and simply jump back into bed with you!” She hissed. “God, I’m so weak. Why did I give in to you?”

“I didn’t force you into bed, Stella!” Jake protested, visibly hurt.

“I never said that.” She shook her head, but avoided his stare.

“Well it kinda sounded like that’s what you were saying.” Jensen shook his head and leaned back on his chair. “You know, you can deny it all you want but that night was good, and I know you felt it too otherwise you wouldn’t be here so upset and accusing me of being the reason you’re hurt.”

Stella stayed silent. The confidence in Jake’s voice left no room for her denying it, there was no point, so she just looked away.

“Why have you got such a problem admitting there’s still something there between us?” Jake broke her silence.

“I’m not admitting shit, Jake. You can go now, back the way you came.” She shrugged, hoping her voice sounded as confident as Jensen’s.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He shook his head before taking another sip from his drink.

“I think you should.”

“Okay,” Jake placed his coffee mug down again, “you look me in the eye and say you feel nothing for me at all and I’ll go.”

“Piss off, Jake!”

“Not until you tell me.” Jensen challenged her as he crossed his arms over his chest. Maybe he was pushing too much, but he had to try.

“Don’t tell me what to do Jacob. You don’t wanna go? Fine!”  Stella shrugged as she got up and grabbed her purse which was hanging from her chair headrest. When Jensen finally registered what was happening he called after her but Stella just ignored him and left the coffee shop after taking her coat from the rack. Sighing with exasperation, Jake stood up and tossed some money down on the table before jogging after her.

The drizzle that was falling when he had first arrived had now turning into a real downpour. The cold air and heavy rain hit Jensen’s face when he stepped out and he needed a few seconds to spot Stella who was walking up the street under the rain, her wool coat failing to stop her from getting increasingly soaked. Jensen started jogging towards her as the same time he cursed himself for not having an umbrella with him.

“Stel.” He panted as he grabbed her arm.

“Don’t touch me!” She snapped, freeing herself from Jake’s grip.

He sighed but looked at her with determination. “You just can’t say it, can you?” But Stella wasn’t giving in and kept silent, staring back at him and after a few too many seconds Jensen had no option but to give up so he looked down and then back up, tears already brimming in his eyes. “My mistake. I’ll, erm, I’ll leave you alone.”

Stella watched, as he turned to go, his shoulders slumping before something inside her cracked, driven completely by the fact he looked and sounded so damned broken.

“Wait!” Stella pleaded, and he stopped, turning to face her as she took a deep breath, looking upwards before she shook her head. “I…damned, fine, I love you, okay. Is that what you wanna hear?” She snigged and shook her head. “I love you Jake but that doesn’t mean shit. I’m tired of hurting.”

“Me too Stel!” Jensen blurted out, his voice cracking. “Jesus, I hurt every dammed day when I saw you with that prick, because I only had myself to blame. I’m a fucking idiot and I get now, my reasons, you know I thought I was doing the right thing, that it would save us both so much heartache but all it did was cause us so much more.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Stella frowned at his sudden ramble. “You were doing the right thing? What kind of shit excuse is that? The right thing for what?”

“For you! I saw it in your eyes, the day we found out our postings and we were gonna be split up because we weren’t married!” Jensen tried to explain himself as the tears began to fall from Stella’s eyes. “The hurt and fear in those beautiful eyes, Stel and all I could think about was how worse it would be if something happened and,” he sighed as his eyes silently pleaded with her to show some sign his words were getting to her and when he spoke again, his voice was softer than ever. “I thought by ending it, then it would mean we could both move on and if something happened then you wouldn’t have to go through the amount of pain your mom did when she lost your dad.”

“Don’t you think I had the right to make that decision myself?” Stella practically shrieked at him, her chest heaving. “God, you’re a fucking asshole Jacob Jensen.” She sniffed and made a pause to rub her nose and wipe the tears and raindrops that were falling down her cheeks. “What the fuck? I’ve spent the last fucking five years of my life wondering what the fuck happened, trying to find a reason why you suddenly didn’t love me!”

“Stel, I never stopped loving you!” Jensen yelled back, before he took a deep breath and shook his head. “How could I? I’ve been in love with you since we were eleven.” He moved closer to her, trying to hold her hands in his.

“You have a strange way of showing it!” She screamed back, moving her hands to dodge him.

“I know, I know. I don’t have anything else to say other than I’m so sorry. And I love you.” He choked out. “I always will.”

Stella sighed, tears still running down her face. She was exhausted and tired of listening to him apologize over and over again. “All right, you’re sorry. So what? Apology accepted. Feeling better? You can go back to Virginia now.”

“If that’s what you want.” Jake said so softly Stella almost missed it as he put his hands in his coat pockets.

“Why suddenly it is what I want that matters, Jake?” She railed at him once more. “It’s always been about you and your stupid ideas and your stupid needs!”

“What do you want me to say, Stel?” He pleaded, his voice was beginning to break again. And, as Stella looked at him, his face suddenly illuminated by the headlights of a passing car, she realised that she had never seen him so vulnerable before.

“I don’t want you to say anything, Jake.” She swallowed hard, shaking her head. “I just want you to make up your mind once and for all and stop fucking with my brain.”

“Make up my mind?” Jake scoffed. “Have you listened to a word I just said?” He stepped forward a little. “You know what I want.”

Stella shuddered under his stare at those last words before muttering. “No, I don’t.”

“You! I want you.” He blurted out, his eyes never leaving hers. “Give me another chance baby. I swear, I’ll make you happy, I’ll do anything.”

“Jake…” Stella’s voice was a strangled whisper as she shook her head and Jensen sighed.

“What is it that is making you hold back?” He pressed, rain dripping off his hair down his face.

At that, she swallowed. “I’m scared.”

“Scared of what? Talk to me, Stelly.”

“Of being broken again, Jake. Because I don’t think I can fix myself again.” Stella blinked as the raindrops gathered on her eyelashes.

“You won’t have to.” Jake was fast to assure her. “I promise you that much. Just let me show you I can be the man you need, the man you deserve.”

“You promised me before you’d always be there Jake.” Stella started sobbing again. “And you left me.”

“I know, I know baby and I blame myself every day for that I... I just need you to trust me. I love you, I love you so fucking much, Stelly I can’t even think of you not being around.” His voice cracked completely on the last word and he sniffed loudly, his shoulders shuddering as he took a deep breath.

And, suddenly Stella’s defences, those defences she had fought so much to keep up, were nothing more than paper, paper that was disintegrating after being soaked by the rapidly falling drops of both her tears and the rain. Before she could draw in the air her body needed, she fell forward into Jake’s arms, melting into his form as she sobbed, her face pressing into the cold, wet outer layers of his clothing.

Jensen’s hands folded around her back, drawing her in closer and she could feel her body shake. “Stelly, shh, don’t cry baby,” he managed a whispered choke as she clung to him for dear life, “everything is gonna be all right. You’ll see.”

And as she continued to cry, Jensen simply held her, rocking her gently from side to side as he pressed a kiss to her wet hair before he pulled back, his hands cupping her face as he swiped under her eyes with his thumbs, the tenderness of the action more than Stella’s heart could hold.

“Please Stelly. Just give me this, ‘coz I don’t know what I’m gonna do if you don’t.”

As a response to his plea, Stella leaned into his hand, kissing his palm. “I never wanted you to leave in the first place.” She whispered and turned her eyes to his, to see a soft smile spreading across his face.

Jake swallowed, trying to find his voice. He wanted to speak, he wanted to speak real bad, because, God, there were so many things he wanted to tell her, so many built up wants and needs from over the years they were apart. But he couldn’t form anything more than her name. “Stel,” and, before he could attempt anything else, she reached up and grabbed his face tenderly before kissing him, softly.

The rain ran down their faces to where their lips met, each of them tasting the cold drops, but instead of detracting from the intensity of the moment, it simply took them to new heights. As Stella pushed her lips in more firmly, the wave that ran through her was intoxicating, a connection that showed the strength of the feeling, the mutual need. She paid no attention to the water which was soaking them through to chill their skin, because the sheer burst of love they were sharing was more than enough to keep her warm.

Nature might have brought the rain but Jake’s inner sunshine always came through for her in the end.

As Jake kissed the droplets from her mouth, she felt his lips smile against hers, making her head swim as she pulled back to take in his beautiful face and he was beaming at her.

“This is it, Jake. You fuck this up and I’m out of your life for good. In every way.” She declared with a sniff, but the warning felt less of a warning to Jake as she was smiling at him as she clung to his neck.

“Not gonna happen.” He smiled back. “We’re gonna do great and we’re gonna get married and make gorgeous babies.”

“You’re a fucking moron.” She snorted.

“Yeah.” He shrugged casually before tightening his grip on her and leaning in for another kiss, but it was cut short this time by Jake’s stomach growling, making Stella pull back and arch her brow at him.

“I haven’t eaten all day.” He offered as explanation.

She chuckled and then gave him a big grin. “Wanna stop at the Schwarma stand on the corner of Ruby Ave?”

“Yes.” He groaned more than agreed. Stella smiled as Jake placed his arm round her, pulling her close to kiss her head as they set off. The gesture once so familiar to them that it filled them with the warmth that the merciless rain was denying them. “Hey, does this count as a date?” He quipped.

“Don’t push it, Jake.” Stella groaned as she jabbed at his ribs.

****

“What the hell have you two been up to?” Julie’s loud voice rang out and the pair of them stopped dead as they walked into the kitchen from the Mud Room, looking at her as she stood, her arms folded, leaning against the counter, wearing her best stern mom expression. “The pair of you are soaked!”

“Yeah, it’s raining.” Jensen nodded and Julie narrowed her eyes.

“Don’t get clever with me, Jacob. You’re not too big that I won’t give you a slap.”

He flashed her his best, cheeky smile and she rolled her eyes, her attention flicking to Stella before she frowned a little, her gaze then moving to their hands which were tangled together. She blinked, and then her face softened and she gave Stella a fond smile.

“You guys good?”

They looked at each other and Stella smiled, turning back to her mom. “Yeah. Yeah we are. But, erm, we should probably go get into some dry clothes.”

“There’s some sweats and a T-shirt in your room Stel, I think they’re Jake’s.” Julie smiled. “Drop your soaked things outside the bathroom and I’ll run them through the wash and drier.”

“Thanks, Mom.” Stella grinned as Jake let out a little noise of approval.

“Jules, you’re awesome.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She rolled her eyes but the smile never left her face. “Go on. I’ll fix you both some dinner.”

“It’s ok, we already ate so I think we’re just gonna...” She trailed off as Jake gently squeezed her hand and Julie nodded.

“Okay, well I guess I’ll see you in the morning?”

Stella dropped her head, shyly as Jake grinned. “Yeah, Jules. Have a good night.”

Thirty or so minutes later they were both warm, dry and settled in bed, Jake in the pair of grey sweatpants that had indeed belonged to him. As Stella snuggled up to him, he pressed a kiss to her head realising that it had been years since they’d done this, just been together, as a couple. He felt her shift a little next to him and he glanced down to see her blinking as she struggled to stay awake. Jake could tell she was exhausted and whilst he wanted nothing more than to get her on her back and love her the best way he could, he knew how tired she was, both physically and mentally. It had been an emotional day, hell, week even, and there was a lot to process. So instead he shifted a little so he was led on his side facing her, and drew her in for another soft, deep kiss, his thumb gently stroking her cheek bone as she sighed happily, his lips slowly and sensually caressing hers.

“Do you remember the first time we shared a bed, Stelly?” Jake grinned as he pulled away, tucking her hair behind her ear.

She snorted. “Summer camp when we were thirteen. I could feel a storm brewing, so I came to your tent.”

“And we got caught so your mom came to ours,” Jake grinned as she gave a chuckle, “sat with mine around the kitchen table, giving us both ‘the talk’. Good times.”

“I remember how it grossed the pair of us out.” Stella giggled. “You pointed out that Rey and Jane would share a bed when they stayed over with each other and your dad was protesting that it was different because they were just friends.”

“So were we at that point.” Jensen mused as Stella’s hand traced his bicep.

“Yeah that’s what you said. And then you pointed out that they might have been lesbians so his argument was invalid.”

Jensen snorted. “He was being platonaphobic, and of course when I told him so, he had no idea what it meant.”

“No one did because it was a word you just made up!” Stella laughed and Jake shrugged.

“It means you’re biased against platonic relationships.” He grinned before he took a deep breath. “Truth is, Stelly, there was nothing platonic on my side even then. I wanted you from the day I saw you.”

“You were eleven, Jake!” Stella shook her head.

“Just be glad it wasn’t until I was fourteen that I started getting boners over you.”

“You’re disgusting.” She rolled her eyes and Jensen pouted.

“Hey, don’t complain. You were in all my fantasies”

“That’s a back handed compliment.” She shook her head and Jensen flashed her a cheeky wink.

“It’s the palm of my hand that remembers.”

At that she slapped his arm and he laughed, pulling her closer to him as she nestled into his warmth, the top of her head tucked under his chin.

And that was exactly how she fell asleep a few minutes later. Jake felt her relax against him completely, and he pressed a kiss to the top of her head before he too drifted under, happy and satisfied that he was holding his girl in his arms, right where she belonged.

**** Chapter 8

[lov3nerdstuff]

Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 5.6}

*Severus Snape x OC*

Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend... and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.

General warnings: professor x student, blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing

Words: 5.1k

Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!

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Dancing with the boy turned out alright, he didn't step on her feet like most of the others and they didn't speak much besides what was necessary for the task at hand. The afternoon went by otherwise eventless, blending into evening, and once they were free to go, Robin thanked her partner for practicing with her, he returned the favour, and they headed their ways as all of the other students did. Hopefully, Robin thought, she wouldn't have to do this again next year. Even if it had been relatively bearable by chance. Still, she had felt uncomfortable in the overall situation, and she preferred not to be forced to dance with strangers again, no matter if they were actually okay or not.

During dinner, which followed almost immediately after the dancing class, Robin's worry about the potions professor returned to nag at her mind even more strongly than before. Once half of the meal had passed and Snape still hadn't shown up, she started to actually feel nervous.

"What's up with you, Robin? You look like I feel before an exam." Cas asked with a frown as she sorted the mushrooms out of the stew on her plate.

"Was dancing that bad?" Jorien added, and quirked an eyebrow at Robin on the bench opposite to her.

"Dancing was fine, it's not about that." Robin mused, still frowning. "Well, actually it is. Snape was supposed to teach us, but McGonagall had to do it instead, because he was indisposed. According to her."

"Probably he just didn't feel like dancing." Cas replied easily, and pushed her mushrooms onto Robin's plate. "I mean… imagine Professor Snape dancing! Especially with any of the students. I mean, I can't even picture it in my head, and neither can he, probably."

"I can picture him dancing with Robin, actually." Jorien replied with a shrug directed at her blonde friend. "But I do see your point. He probably simply bailed out and Professor McGonagall had to come up with an excuse."

"Robin doesn't count as a student!" Cas rolled her eyes and finally dug into her second serving of now mushroom-free stew.

"I am a student though, you know that, right?" Robin chuckled, as the girls' words served to dim her nervousness back down to an underlying worry. They very likely were right, Snape really wasn't someone who would take on something like teaching his students to dance if he could help it. He had probably just bailed out indeed. But that wasn't like him at all… he didn't bail out on any responsibility, ever. And then, why wasn't he at dinner now? C'mon, Robin, it was just a meal. He'd missed them before. She rolled her eyes at her overreaction, even if that didn't make the worry go away.

"Of course I know that you're a student, technically." Cas sighed dramatically. "But in my mind, you're just more of a… replacement professor, who happens to be our adopted big sister, who happens to be our roommate, who happens to be a mentor, who happens to be our friend. Like, an adult friend. Who's not an adult. You're just…"

"Robin?" Jorien suggested with an amused smile.

"Yes! You're just Robin, that's what you are." Cas finished with a grin. "You're Robin."

"Thank you for that observation." Robin couldn't help laughing now, as she shook her head to herself. "I am Robin indeed."

For the rest of dinner, they talked about the two younger girls' potions homework and how they both had no idea where to find books on the essay topic, seeing as the library didn't offer any more than what the textbook did. And since Robin had basically forbidden them to rely on the textbook ever since she had started tutoring them last year, it was for her now to find a solution to the thereby caused issue as well. Short of any other ideas that would not take more time than they had, she lent them one of her own books for now and promised that she would give them an elaborate crash course on the topic tomorrow.

Once dinner was over, or at least once it was acceptable to leave, Robin said goodnight to her roommates and made for the potions classroom without any detours. Stupid worry… it just wouldn't leave her alone, even as her reason tried to convince her that she was being ridiculous.

As always, she let herself into the room when she found it locked, but this time all there was behind the heavy door was darkness. That hadn't happened in a long time, usually Snape was here at this point, or at least in his office. But the door to the office was closed as well, and Robin only noticed the faint light seeping through the gap underneath it once she approached it with reluctant steps. Something was off today, there was no use denying it.

Careful for once, she knocked on the door before pulling it open, but then let herself into the room anyway. Only one single candle was lit, a large one on the desk, but it sufficed to see the entire room. Snape was sitting right next to it, bent over some paperwork with a grave expression that was only partially hidden by a curtain of raven hair.

"What do you want?" He asked without looking up, without even a hello. Robin's brows furrowed, and her heart did a funny little squeeze that was more painful than pleasant. He looked upset, if not straight out angry. Distraught, in a unique way she couldn't pinpoint, and it troubled her in return.

"I always come by at this time, don't I? For work, studying, coffee…" She replied in a quiet voice, which yet she tried to give a calm touch. "Is… everything alright?"

Now he did look up at her, with a dark and frustrated glare that made Robin's heart skip another beat. "Just perfect, isn't that quite obvious enough?! Now go and pretend to care somewhere else, I have work to do." He snapped and crouched back over his work while Robin's eyes stayed glued to him the entire time. Something had upset him deeply, that much was obvious, and while she knew that he would never talk to her about it if she asked, the desperate wish to comfort him still flared up in her chest with a very much inappropriate urgency. It wasn't for her to comfort him, if even for anyone at all, but to see him like this, troubled and hurting in a way she couldn't explain but definitely feel… it just pained her equally. Maybe she could at least do something about it.

"What work do you have to do? Maybe… I could help you with it." Robin suggested carefully, cautious not to let her own hurt seep into the tone of her voice. He didn't need to deal with her compassion on top of everything else right now, it would only upset him more. And she had helped him with work before, after all.

"Grading essays, preparing classes, answering letters from pathetically clingy parents, restocking the infirmary's potions, cleaning the laboratory, filing in new ingredients… would you like for me to continue wasting my time by listing tasks or will you just leave already?! The paperwork alone will take all night to do, even without you distracting me!" If Robin had ever heard someone yelling in a quiet voice, this was it. And it was both terrifying and heartbreaking at once. "I don't need help, especially not yours."

"Okay…" She breathed in return, and looked down to the ground in honest defeat for once. "Sorry that I bothered you." With that she turned on her heels and made for the door to the hallway instead of the classroom. Just as she wanted to let herself out, his voice stopped her once more.

"Ignore what I said, please. Today simply is… not a good day." He stated in a sigh that conveyed just how much he was actually trying to talk to her in a friendlier tone and Robin's heart ached for him a little more.

"I know. I'll be back tomorrow." She replied as comfortingly as she could without slipping into straight out sympathy, then stepped into the hallway and quietly closed the door behind herself. Leaving him like this was more painful than expected.

Her heart felt like it had been wrapped in devil's snare as she sauntered through the hallways more or less aimlessly. She had never seen Snape so honestly upset before. Angry, yes, but not distraught. It worried her deeply, and she just couldn't help the urge to try to make it better somehow. He didn't want her help though… or rather he didn't need it, as he'd said. But maybe Robin wouldn't listen to him this time. Maybe, for once, she would take a calculated risk and do his work for him, not with him.

The idea didn't leave her mind as her feet carried her towards the infirmary on their own accord. Snape had helped her, had literally saved her in her darkest moments so many times already, and she had every intention to return the favor now. Sure, helping her was part of his responsibility as her professor, and it definitely wasn't expected of the students to care for their teachers in return. But that exactly was the point. Robin didn't want to be just another student, any random recipient of an authoritative and one sided construct of assistance. She wanted to be his friend, truly and honestly, and even if he didn't want to be hers in return, she would still be his. This attitude had worked out for her for the past half of the year at least, ever since she'd so boldly told the people at the conference that she was his friend indeed. Doing some of his work now might not be an acceptable thing for his student to do, but for his friend it was perfectly alright. And while the chance that he would be furious about it was presumably as high as the chance that he would simply accept it silently and move on, both ways would result in him having to do less work. That, to Robin, was worth taking a risk for.

Once she reached the hospital wing, she got Madam Pomfrey to write her a list of how much of which potion was needed, simply by saying that she was here on Snape's behalf. It wasn't a lie, not even a half truth, and it got her what she wanted soon enough. With the list, she made for the laboratory in utmost determination that she would go through with this. He would definitely be mad that she used his lab without permission, even if she also planned on cleaning up and sorting out whatever he had previously mentioned. But he had no say in her decision to help him.

Once she'd lit up the candles, locked the door behind herself and dropped her backpack in a corner where it wouldn't bother her, she finally got started with the tasks at hand. She knew the lab better than any other room inside the castle by now, so it really was nothing to her to gather all necessary ingredients and supplies she would need for the three potions she would now have to make for Madam Pomfrey. It was nothing extraordinary, all three being ones she'd made to Snape's contentment before, and the only true nuisance was the time they would have to simply simmer over medium heat. Robin used that time to clear the table she currently wasn't using, thus to put back various jars and bottles into their rightful places. Some of them were new, she could tell by the date on the labels, but seeing as they at least were labeled in the first place, it was easy to file them into the correct places in the shelves.

Then, once she'd finished that and done some other minor cleaning that wouldn't immediately get messed up by the work in progress again, she started writing new labels for the potions she was currently making. She'd done that way too many times before, it was an easy but dreadfully mindless task, and she wondered if the entire potions stash in the infirmary had her handwriting on it by now. The thought made her smile to herself.

Eventually, way after midnight as far as Robin's watch told her, the first potion was ready. It looked quite perfect, as far as she could tell, and she prayed to whoever was listening that it was okay indeed. Making a mistake now would be an absolute disaster, and she'd rather screw up her OWLs than fail at this right here. Preferably neither though. But the potion looked, smelled and tasted exactly like it was supposed to, and thus she went ahead to bottle and label it. Still, she felt somewhat nervous. Maybe she shouldn't have done this by herself after all. No. She took a deep breath; she knew what she was doing, knew it to the last bloody detail by now. Maybe not the very much advanced potions and techniques they usually worked on in the evenings, but this she had down to the very science it was. So no time for self doubt, not right now. This was bloody routine!

Within the next hour, she finished up the other two potions as well, with the very same result of actually believing it had turned out perfectly, but still with a small hint of doubt on her mind. At last she could get started on cleaning the laboratory, as soon as all the small bottles were safely placed into a box. Cleaning really was one of the easiest tasks, a mere few spells she had memorized long ago to keep her own space tidy, and that was it. She was done with everything she could do in terms of helping him. And yet she still felt like she hadn't actually made anything better for him at all. What she had done was treating the symptoms, not curing the disease, if one could even use a bad metaphor like that in this case.

As she placed the finished potions in a prominent place on the table closest to the door, she thought that maybe she should at least explain what she had done. And why. Thus she fetched a piece of paper and a ballpoint pen out of her backpack and wrote a note, for she wasn't brave enough to tell him face to face tonight.

'I filed the new ingredients, cleaned the lab and made the potions Madam Pomfrey was missing. I'm not stupid enough to believe that I'm free of errors though, and while I do think that the potions turned out correctly, I would still prefer for you to take a look at them before delivering the stash to her. Or tell me to deliver them, of course. I apologise for using the lab without your permission, and for disregarding what you said, but I thought that being mad at me would be preferable to being quite so miserable.

You might not need my help, or anyone's at all, but that doesn't mean that you don't deserve it.

Robin'

With a sigh she dropped her pen onto the table, as she realized that whatever she could possibly write wouldn't get any better than this. Thus she placed the note on the box, grabbed her backpack, extinguished the candles with a mere look at them, and finally left the laboratory to lock the door behind herself. Well… she would have to wait until morning to see if she was in trouble now.

It was nearly two thirty in the morning at this point… but Robin knew that Snape wouldn't be done working for another few hours. Chances were high that he would come by the lab eventually, and she didn't want to be here when he did. Thus she made for the only place she knew where she could find something to cheer her up that wasn't Snape or potions; Robin went to the kitchens.

After a little chat with Buttercup, which was actually quite helpful in terms of cheering up, Robin summoned the usual Twirl out of her backpack to exchange it for a few pieces of cake, which the other elves in the kitchen already were almost finished preparing at this point. Well… seems like Robin was predictable in one regard at least. When she came into the kitchens at night, it was most definitely to bargain for some cake.

Today, instead of the usual chocolate cake, she got one with spices, almonds and orange, and only fairly little chocolate. Right… it was only one more week until Christmas. She didn't mind though, cake was cake in times like these and she would gladly take whatever she could get. Even if chocolate would have been preferable.

After saying goodnight to the house elves, Robin took her pastry back into the dungeons. She didn't feel like having so much company, and as sweet as Buttercup was, spending time around her was always quite exhausting. Thus she made her way through the hallways silently, intending to return to her common room that would surely be deserted by now. That plan dissolved into thin air when she rounded a corner, and almost ran into a wall of black. Robin stood frozen to the spot, clutching her plate in both hands in front of her, and simply looked up at Snape with wide eyes in a nervy expression. Of course she had to run into him. What kind of day at Hogwarts would it be if not the most unlikely things happened on a regular basis?

He stood so close to her that she could see all the small details of his face despite the darkness, the buttons on his robe almost touching the other end of her plate, but he didn't make an attempt to move away as he held her gaze with a fairly similar expression to the one Robin wore herself. No trace of the annoyance or anger she had seen him portray hours before.

"Cake?" She asked in a quiet and unfortunately also rather insecure voice, but mostly blamed herself for not thinking of anything better to say.

"Only if you would be willing to share." He replied in a quiet calm, and when Robin nodded in return, he led her back down the hallway towards his office without another word. The silence lingered as they sat down at the small side table like they usually would at the beginning of a work night, not the end of one, without even lighting any of the candles in the moonwashed room. The silence lingered while they each enjoyed a piece of the cake, not bothering with cutlery or such fancies, and it even lingered long after the pastry was history. They didn't need to speak; it was comfortable just like that, a peculiar kind of mutual understanding between them said more than words probably could have. It was an apology, an explanation, a reassurance, and undoubtedly also a form of comfort.

"You did not ask." He finally spoke up, after what seemed like hours of silence, and Robin was surprised by how calm he still seemed to be.

"Sometimes even I remember my place." She replied with a small shrug and a half smile, assuming that he was talking about the fact that she hadn't inquired about his reasons for being so upset earlier. "And even if it was anywhere near appropriate for me to ask, I believe to know you better than to try."

"I wouldn't have told you, had you asked." He simply stated in return, and Robin had to smile for some reason.

"I know. I have to tell you everything you want to know, and you don't even have to speak to me at all if you'd prefer not to. That's just how it is, and it's okay." She sighed softly, positively, calmly. The room slowly grew darker as the moon traveled past the window's reach.

"It seems oddly unfair, does it not?"

"Life isn't fair." Robin shrugged. "It's a game everyone plays by different rules."

"So if I asked you to explain to me why you did my work despite me explicitly telling you not to, would you be following your rules or mine when answering?"

Robin's stomach churned as the elephant in the room was finally addressed. "Depends on the perspective. I would answer because I want to answer you, as a person, not because I feel like I have to answer to your position. But since I answer anyway, you might just as well take it as whichever fits better to your own rules."

"I prefer your honest intention over any seemingly more appropriate one. So tell me, why did you deem it a good idea to help me even when I said I didn't need your help?" The way he asked still was only reflecting a sense of calm, of honest interest in what Robin would say, and she had to see that he truthfully didn't seem to be mad at her after all. That was both relieving and frightening at once. Had he been angry, she at least would've known what he thought.

She might as well tell him the truth now. Part of it at least, the part she had tried telling him before. "You might not need help, I know for a fact that you don't, especially not from someone like me. But you still deserve for people to care enough to want to help you nonetheless. It's an act of kindness, not an act of necessity."

"And you care enough?"

"Why else would I spend my entire night doing your work and still risk getting yelled at for doing so?"

"I have absolutely no idea, but please, do enlighten me."

"As hard as it might be for you to believe, I actually like you. And it made me sad to see you so upset." Robin rolled her eyes in that exaggerated manner he usually made use of, thinking how 'liking' him was probably the understatement of the century. But he didn't need to know that, it was enough that she was being this honest already. "My means to make you feel better were limited though, very limited, and they would have been absolutely non-existent had I listened to what you said. But I wanted to help you no matter what. Because yes, I do really care about you, if that wasn't obvious enough already."

For a moment the room remained quiet; Robin looked at Snape in the sincere belief that she had gone too far in her honesty, while he looked down at his own hands on the table with a serene expression that gave away nothing at all. Robin found it very hard to breathe suddenly.

"Thank you." He finally said, and looked up to meet her gaze with a startling rawness that went beyond any facade. Just him, no pretense. A spark of electricity started with a pang in Robin's heart, then rolled through her like a wave in a raging storm. Gods, she should not feel like this. She shouldn't…

"Any time." She replied after a moment, cutting off her own string of thought with a small smile that hopefully didn't let on any of the raw emotions she had to keep to herself at all costs. Because even if the room was only lit by moonlight, it sufficed for them to see each other over the small distance of the table, and it sufficed for Robin to have to force herself not to stare. She saw him indeed.

A few seconds passed, and his expression was back to the one he usually wore around Robin these days. It was far from the small glimpse of deep honesty she had seen moments ago, but she didn't mind at all. Hell, she even was glad that he was back to the normal composure and neutrality she could only see through shallowly or in small doses. She didn't think she could handle it another time, to stand at the edge of the bottomless abyss that was his true self, without taking the leap. And that was something she could not allow herself to do, no matter what, because it would break every wall that guarded the deepest corners of her being; those stupid emotions she both loved and hated with the strongest passion. But she would remember that look on his face though, even if she never got to see it again.

"The potions turned out quite excellent, in case you would like to know. And the laboratory is as spotless as it hasn't been in years." He commented after a while, leaning back in his chair with an eyebrow raised at Robin. Saving her from her thoughts as always.

"Good." Robin's smile widened ever so slightly as she focused back on the moment. "I was hoping it would take a little work off your shoulders instead of adding to it."

"It did. Otherwise I would hardly be here."

"So, I take it that your bad day got a little less bad after all?" She asked with a crooked smile and a hopeful expression, making a guess she hoped was correct. He seemed to be feeling better at least.

"Indeed."

"I'm sure it was the cake." Robin couldn't help the joke, and raised her eyebrows at him with a small smirk. If he was feeling better already, maybe a little humor could do the rest.

"Obviously it was the cake…" He drawled with an unimpressed expression that was so obviously badly feigned that it looked entirely intentional, and it was followed by another not-smirk that was almost a real one.

"Maybe I should share my cake with you more often, then. Not only when you've had a day that leads McGonagall to make the dramatic announcement that you're indisposed."

"Did she, actually?"

"She did. But most students believe that it was an excuse she came up with to cover up that you didn't want to teach us dunderheads something as pathetic as dancing."

"Good. Let them believe that, it's preferable to them knowing the truth."

"I had no intention to correct them." Robin shrugged, but then her smile dimmed down as she thought of the past day. "I hadn't believed so myself though, you know… No matter how much you dread teaching something or someone, you've never bailed out of anything for as long as I've known you. I just couldn't see you starting to do so today."

"And yet you did not ask for my reasons."

"We've been at that point already… You said that you wouldn't have answered anyway."

"Indeed, I wouldn't have."

"So?"

"So what?"

"Why do you bring it up again? What's the point in stating that I didn't do something you didn't want me to do in the first place?"

"Does there have to be a point?"

"There usually is with you. You hardly ever do something that's pointless. You always have a reason."

"Do I now?" He lifted an eyebrow at Robin in amusement, but instead of a smirk his lips formed a smile. It was actually quite a beautiful sight, even if oh so rare.

"At least you pretend that you do." Robin shrugged in return, with a mirroring smile that lit up her face on its own account.

"You spend too much time with me if you figured that out."

"Would you prefer for me to pretend that I still believe you to be who you pretend you are?"

"And where would be the point in that?" Now he raised both his eyebrows at her in question, and Robin couldn't help laughing. "Actually, I would prefer for you not to pretend at all."

"As if I would. As if I could." She rolled her eyes with a huff. "I don't even pretend to myself that I have even the slightest idea who you actually are."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean that I am well aware that I don't know anything about you." She stated calmly, with a small smile. He really had no idea where she was going with this, and she liked that quite a lot. "I know you, but only ever a little better than you want me to. I know nothing about you."

"You already know me quite a lot better than most other people."

"Maybe, and that is quite overwhelming to think in itself, but it's not the point."

"What is the point then?"

"The point is that I respect that you do not want me to know, be it for the sake of appropriateness or any other. Which is why I usually don't ask about your personal matters. Or about your reasons." She finished with the same small smile, but with a pointed expression directed at Snape. Now he surely must get what she was doing.

"Sneaky." He gave her a small glare that wasn't actually backed up by anything of substance though.

"You distracted from my question about your stating of my lack of question, and I merely led us back to it." She shrugged innocently. "If you're gonna be sneaky, I can be too."

"You certainly can. Consider me impressed."

"So?"

"So what?"

Robin groaned and leaned her head back to stare at the ceiling in mostly feigned annoyance and a little real one. Did he really want to go through this entire conversation again?! But she had to admit that he was good at evading topics he didn't want to talk about. Maybe she should just give in and forget about it. Would probably be the best idea.

"You know what… nevermind. It doesn't matter." She sighed and finally turned her head back to look at him, only to find that he wasn't sitting in his chair anymore. Instead her eyes followed him over to the desk to her left, and she watched how he snatched a piece of parchment out from under a large stack of books before returning to sit across from her at last. Then he placed the paper in front of her, and Robin could identify it as a fairly short letter at last. The moonlight was long gone, but it was slowly starting to dawn, and the new light sufficed to make out the words on the page.

"What's this?" Robin asked before her eyes would be tempted to simply read, and intentionally kept her gaze locked with his to avoid just that.

"My reason."

______________________________

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[thegoodprincess]

Together We Are Apart, but Apart We Are Together | KTH Ch. 6

Author: thegoodprincess

Pairing: Kim Taehyung | Original Female Character

Genre: romance, fantasy, action, forbidden love, human KTH | angel of death OC, supernatural au

Word Count: 2.6k [series, ongoing]

Rating: N/A

Warnings: None

Summary: After admiring a handsome boy from afar, an Angel of Death reluctantly rescues him from his own demise. As a result of going against her better judgment she inadvertently invites him into her world.

Together We Are Apart, but Apart We Are Together

Chapter 6. Name For a Face

“Tigers die and leave their skins; people die and leave their names.” - Japanese Proverb

While I was awaiting his return, I finished up the remainder of my tea. It had gone a bit cold since it was first poured. Nevertheless, I still drank it, savoring the sweet flavor as it slid down my throat. I decided to lay down on the sofa to rest my sore body. Sinking down into the cushions and staring blankly up at the ceiling, I wondered if I should have went to retrieve the boy’s wallet instead of Malachi. I didn’t want his willingness to help to be misinterpreted as him enabling my own foolish actions. Otherwise he would have been just as much at fault, if we were to find ourselves in the midst of chaos. He had always been eager to assist with whatever trouble I had found myself in, ready to bare the burden with open arms. It sometimes felt like he was too loyal to me, like he was just blindly complying to my wishes. I didn't want him to help me because he felt he had to, but because he wanted to. In turn it made me feel guilty about how I treated Malachi, as if I was exploiting the nature of our friendship.

Lost in the guilt-ridden thoughts of my conscience, it hadn’t even occurred to me that I had closed my eyes. I had fully intended to stay awake until Malachi returned, so I reluctantly opened them. However, I found it to be a struggle to keep them that way. Fatigue was starting to set in as I tried desperately to blink the sleepiness out of my eyes. The calming effect of the rose tea paired with the soothing sound of the logs crackling in the fire created a comfortable ambiance for me to relax to. Eventually my limbs began to feel heavy and my breathing slowed enough for me to finally lose the battle against the Sandman. Just like that, I readily drifted off into the unconscious.

It felt like Malachi was gone for quite some time before I was awoken by a small crashing noise that emanated from in front of the fireplace. Looking drowsily in the direction of the sound, I squinted to faintly make out Malachi readjusting a drying rack I had set close to the fire to dry the boy’s clothes. Through blurred vision I saw him carefully hang the articles back into their positions on the bars, spreading them out to ensure they dried properly.

“That damn thing needs to be moved. Why would she set that cursed thing right there? Stupid human boy and his stupid human clothes. What if I had fallen into the fire and burned my as—,” he whisper-yelled to himself irritated before he realized he had woken me up. “My apologies, I did not mean to wake you.” He bowed his head embarrassed of his crude outburst. I stretched and yawned, feeling the muscles in my back strain from the movement before sitting up. “It’s fine,” I waved my hand with blithe disregard for his unnecessary apology. “How long were you gone? I fell asleep waiting for you.”

“Not long.”

I rubbed the delicate skin around my eyes to get a better view of him. That’s when I took in his whole figure. Looking towards his legs I noticed that his pants were thoroughly soaked all the way up to his shins, from no doubt trudging around in the snow. “Oh my gosh, are you okay? You’re soaked. Here sit in front of the fire to warm up.” I quickly scrambled off the sofa and offered him my seat.

“I can assure you I am quite alright. I am nowhere in the condition you were in earlier tonight.” He assured with a sincere smile while taking a seat next to me. I awkwardly sat back down again.

Suddenly remembering why he left, I anxiously inquired, “Did you find it?”

“Yes.” He simply answered pulling it from his robe. The leather of the wallet was cold and stiff from getting wet. “And it did not take me long, it was just buried deeper than we originally thought. The snow has picked up quite a bit since we last left.” I held the wallet not ready to open it as he continued. “I also disposed of the gun and the patch of ice he fell through, you will be pleased to know it froze back over.”

“That’s good. No evidence. Do you think the old man will report the boy’s involvement.”

“No. I already took care of it.” I furrowed my brows confused. “I took the liberty of tracking him down and wiping his memory.” Malachi explained.

“Oh. Thank you. I didn’t even need to ask.”

“Yes. Well, you are lucky I am the best,” Malachi facetiously boasted. I rolled my eyes.

“What about the gun man?”

“Did I wipe his memory? No, I want him to live with the guilt until it consumes him.” The expression in Malachi’s eyes turned unnervingly dark. “And I doubt he will anonymously report the boy’s death. Not unless he wants to involve himself with the authorities or worse get caught by them. He will probably try to go about living his life as if nothing ever happened.”

“That’s horrible. But it’s good for us, I guess. Less of a mess to clean up. Not that I haven’t already jeopardized enough for us as it is.” I ashamedly spoke looking down at the floor.

“You are too hard on yourself.” He frowned concerned.

“I have to be. I can’t make mistakes. Especially when they effect those I cherish most.” I said looking purposefully at him.

“Ha, even a divine being such as yourself is allowed to make mistakes. And for as long as you allow me, I will always be there by your side to help you fix what is considered broken. Even if that means going against the rules of our nature.”

“Yes, but you said, if the consequences were dire then I was to take respons—,”.

Malachi promptly held a hand up to stop me, “I am well aware of what I said. However, if your actions do not bode well, I will still remain faithful to you, and only you.” He chided. He then took a second to soften his voice before continuing, “Allow me to clarify. It is my choice, and I choose to help you not because I feel it is my duty to do so, but because I want to help you. Why will you not understand that? We are as thick as thieves, even when that means cheating death,” he quipped. And with that he chastely kissed my forehead to put my guilty thoughts at ease.

I decided to steer the conversation away from my self-scrutiny, and brought our attention back to the wallet in my hands, “Did you look in it?” Immediately after the question left my mouth, adrenaline started to surge through my veins. I was well aware of the spike in my heart rate and the perspiration gathering on the nape of my neck.

“No, I thought I would let you do the honors.”

“Oh. Okay.” Nervous, I turned the wallet over in my quivering hands and reveled in the feeling of physically holding the piece of leather. The movement made it hard to undo the snap closure, and my slightly sweaty palms were doing me no favors as they slid against the leathery texture. Finally after a brief struggle I was able to open it.

There inside his wallet were some clear card holders with one containing a card with a small picture of him. Holding it closer to my face I realized it was his driver’s license. To the right of his picture, in printed text was the one thing on my mind that I had been wondering for months, his name. “His name is… Kim Taehyung,” I read aloud smiling. “Taehyung.” I repeated again letting the two syllables roll around in my mouth. I wanted to keep repeating his name like a mantra, giddy with excitement that I finally knew it.

“Well, now that you know the human’s name, I would advise you check on him. Speaking of which, I am surprised to not find you with him now. Why is that?” He eyed me suspiciously.

“I was waiting for you. He’s safe in my bed. I could hear the steady pace of his heartbeat from out hear.” This was a half truth, I also wanted to avoid the temptation of staring at his sleeping form. “You, however, were out there in the snow looking for something I needed, cold and alone. I was worried.” I may have been preoccupied with the probability of the boy’s, no Taehyung’s, life; but that didn’t mean I was any less concerned about Malachi’s wellbeing.

“Ah, so you do care,” he teasingly joked.

“Of course I care about you. You’re my friend.”

“As are you.”

“Thank you.” I sweetly hummed the sentiment for the fifth time tonight.

He nodded as to convey that it wasn’t a problem. “It was my pleasure little bird.” He patted me on the head. “You should check on the boy and get some rest.” He nodded towards my bedroom door.

“I will. I suggest taking a warm bath before bed. Goodnight Malachi.”

“Thank you for the recommendation. Goodnight my dear.” He said as he got up and walked towards the bathroom.

After Malachi had left to run a bath for himself, I decided to put out the fire. I could instantly feel the temperature of the room drop several degrees. While blowing out the last candle, I looked towards the window. Through the glass I was able to clearly make out the moon. Its light that penetrated from outside was more than enough for Malachi to see when he came out to go to bed. As I made my way over to my bedroom door I counted my steps until I reached it. I walked with one foot directly in front of the other with my arms out to the sides of me, as if I was walking on a balance beam. I know I must have looked somewhat silly, but it was all in an effort to prolong the inevitable, as well as simultaneously calm my nerves. I ultimately didn’t want to seem too eager to see Taehyung. Finally reaching my door I briefly hesitated before turning the knob. I then walked through the threshold and quietly closed the door. Once the lock softly clicked into place, I leaned my head against the wood and took a few slow breaths in order to prepare myself. I didn’t want to look in his direction just yet because I knew once I saw him it would be difficult to look away.

Over on my bedside table was a candle that I wished to light. Using the moonlight, I repeated my odd ritual from earlier, deliberately looking straight at the floor as I made my way over. Except this time I made sure to walk with normal footing. I would have been mortified if I had tripped and potentially disturbed his sleep.

Placing Taehyung’s wallet on the table, I opened the drawer and blindly felt around for a box of matches. After a few failed attempts, I finally grabbed ahold of one. I plucked one match from the container and struck it against the side of the box. Not wanting the flame to go out, I quickly touched it to the tip of the candle wick and flicked the used match to put it out. Almost immediately my senses were flooded with the rich earthy musk of amber and sandalwood. Closing my eyes, I took a brief moment to appreciate the comforting aroma. The candle’s flickering light intimately lit up the small area around my bed causing our shadows to bounce on the wall. I then leisurely turned my head and saw him.

Tucked into my silk sheets, he laid flat on his back with his whole body, from the neck down, hidden under the blankets. I watched him sleep peacefully as I sat on the floor and knelt near the side of my bed. From under the silky blankets, I could make out the subtle yet steady rise and fall of his chest. If I listened close enough I could hear the sound of his soft inhales and exhales. Continuing my gaze upwards, it landed on his neck and the pretty curve of his jaw. From there I was met with the sight of his beautiful face, his expression passive. Slumber had made his features look innocent. The moles that were on his cheek, lip, and under his eye reminded me of the stars that sparsely dusted the sky on a cloudy night. They somewhat reminded me of a constellation and it briefly dawned on me that if I were to connect them, would I be any closer to navigating my zealous yet enigmatic feelings for him.

Against my pillows his head rested delicately. His hair was almost fully dry. A few locks in the front of his head curled around his face, while the rest fell elegantly onto the pillow like a halo. Its golden hues were complimented by the iridescent pearly sheen of my pillow case, and the sight created a picturesque scene worth committing to memory. I couldn’t help but be enamored by him. He looked otherworldly, almost like an angel. He could have very well been one of the ones that I had come across when I visited Heaven from time to time.

Finally able to touch his face in a way that wasn’t correlated to life threatening peril, I gently brushed my knuckles against his cheek and tenderly traced his jawline with my fingertips in curious fascination. Mesmerized by the feeling of the suppleness of his warm to the touch skin, I pondered how I got so lucky as to be this close to him, while also being able to reach out and touch him. It was almost intoxicating. And what was even better, is that now I had his name to go along with his face.

“So your name is Tae-hyung.” I whispered each syllable slowly more to myself than him, dramatically emphasizing the pronunciation of both. I smiled at the new found knowledge. “It suits you.”

Not long after admiring his sleeping form, I began to feel like my conscious reality was fraying around its edges. Walking a few feet on my knees to the end of my bed, I took a cotton blanket slewn messily over the end of the bed post and draped it over my shoulders. In my drowsy state I placed a gentle kiss against Taehyung’s forehead. I then turned to blow out the candle after my rash display of affection, but saw something that I thought was peculiar out of the corner of my eye. For what felt like a split second I could have sworn I had seen a brief flash of very faint light emitting from around his head in the dim candle light. However, I attributed it to being a trick of the light, after all I was exhausted and my blurry tired vision wasn’t the most reliable at this exact moment.

Taking one last longing look at his face in the moonlight after blowing out the candle [as if this would be the last time I saw him], I rested my head against my arm and was lulled to sleep by the rhythm of his calm breathing, hopeful for whatever tomorrow brought us.

[otherpeoplesheartachept-2]

A Matter of Trust

Carry on Countdown Day 7: WLW

Margaret (the dragon)/OC

Length: 1366

-

Margaret was pacing. Well, in reality she was shaking so much it registered as a moderate earthquake, but to any creature in the woods near her, it would look like an old woman pacing. She’d woken up and realized it was almost time. 

Shepard, the nice boy who used to visit, was right when he said she was nervous about meeting the other dragons in the area. It wasn’t because she’d never met them before though, well almost not because she’d never met them.

She had met Sharon. After the dinosaurs and right before humans she met Sharon. Now she was waiting to meet Sharon again. And Sharon’s father, and mother, and three siblings. She was worried. Yes, even dragons get nervous about ‘meeting the family’. She was more worried about if Sharon still wanted her. 

Margaret felt the mountain beside her waking. She straightened her cowboy hat, dusted off her jeans, and put a log on the fire already burning. It was only two days of waiting before Sharon arrive at her camp. 

It was dark when Sharon showed up in her human form. It was easier to talk as envoys. Margaret saw her in the distance. Her hair was long and pitch black. She wore an old buckskin dress and displayed a portion of her hoard with a shawl made of feathers. Her skin reminded Margaret of dark weathered tree bark. Sharon’s eye’s where honey colored. She was beautiful. 

Margaret stood to greet her but was unsure how what greeting was appropriate for an almost stranger who held so much of her love. They stared at each other.

“You are here.” Sharon stated in an ancient language. 

“Yeah.” Margaret replied with bated breath. Sharon stepped across the fire.

“Why?” She stated so simply it almost didn’t sound like a question. 

The prickly exterior Margaret put on falter for a second. She was prepared to see if her mate still wanted her and if not she would leave. She was not prepared to utter the words because my heart belongs in your hoard.

She opted for “You asked me to.” As if that explained the years of separation between the pair and what must have seemed to Sharon as her suddenly appearing on her family’s land. She did not know Margaret had migrated as soon as she could, centuries ago. She did not know Margaret had been hibernating by her side all this time. She spun one of the many gold rings on her fingers. 

Instead of vocalizing a response Sharon examined her long lost mate. She had adapted to current human clothing, something wholly unfamiliar to the other dragon. She wore a standoffish look but under Sharon could tell her mate was scared. She wanted the fear in Margaret to be enough reassurance that she did not mean to hurt her. It wasn’t though. She had waited for years. Stayed up long after her family went into hibernation, watching the sky for her lover to appear. She never did. Until now. 

“I waited for you.” The words hit Margaret right in the throat. She refused to cry. She refused to let down her guard around someone with power to hurt her. But she knew Sharon was hurting to.

“I know.” Was all she could manage to say. She wanted,so badly, to explain what happened. She meant to make it to America before hibernation but she had kittens to care for. Young cousins, nephews, siblings, nieces. Her heart beat tried telling Sharon that she loved her, but she loved her family, she couldn’t leave them unprotected after some of the older members of her family had been murdered. Humans were new then (they still are) but they have always been dangerous to dragons. However, she knew excuses are never what a hurt mate wants to hear. So her lips spoke, “I will leave if you no longer want me.” The thorns that protected her heart thickened in anticipation of Sharon’s response. 

Sharon closed the distance between their envoys. Placed a hand on Margaret’s cheek. Her skin was rough, familiar despite the different forms they both took. “It is not a matter of want-” her hand pressed hard into Margaret’s skin. -”but a matter of trust, my mate.” Her eyes were misty. ‘Mate’ was the focus of Margaret's brain for seconds. They were still something in Sharon’s mind. 

“Would you like me to explain?” Tentatively Margaret placed a hand on the other’s arm. 

Tears dropped from Sharon’s eyes. She shook her head, hair creating a thin veil over her face. “Maybe.” Her hand wiped away a few tears. “I want-” She swallowed. “I want you never out of my sight again.”

Margaret recognized those words. She wasn’t sure what to say. She wasn’t sure words were what Sharon needed. She stepped impossibly closer to the other woman and placed an arm around her waist. Their eyes locked. Margaret’s gray asking Sharon’s honey gold for permission. Slowly, she kissed her lover.

Partaking in such a human form of affection was strange, but no less intimate. Like playing a song you used to know on the piano. Only it’s not a piano it’s some alien instrument. Margaret ran a hand through Sharon’s dark locks, rings catching on strands as she moved. They didn’t quite know the music theory or notes even, but they could play a song. Something simple. It sounded clunky but it felt as magnificent as an orchestra. Sharon’s tears made the kiss taste of salt. She pulled Margaret closer by the shoulder blade. 

Margaret was reminded of the last time they did this. Well, not this, a dragon’s equivalent. Sharon’s scales were beautiful on that day. Dark brown and sparkling, her eyes honey and filled with tears then as well. 

They had only known each other for a few thousand years, still, they were in love. Sharon had flown to (what is now) Russia, wishing to travel before it was time to sleep. There they met. Both middle aged dragons, one chocolate brown, the other a deep red. Margaret had promised to migrate to America at the end of Sharon’s trip. Sharon wished to stay but it was much too cold for her. They planned on meeting again in North America and introducing Margaret to Sharon’s family. 

She knew she would miss her own family, but she was willing to sacrifice that. She was willing to do anything for the beautiful girl she loved. 

The parting was no less painful though. They held onto each other for hours, but they both knew what had to happen. Sharon had said then I never want you out of my sight with a smile and playful tone. As Sharon flew into the distance Margaret yelled the promise to see her in two years again. 

But the humans in her family’s land grew bigger and smarter. They learned to hunt and kill adult dragons. Most of her family had settled into hibernation but the kittens were restless and many without parents to help. Margaret had to tend to them. Hide them, teach the older ones to fly and feed the younger. Eventually, when they were all safe, full of food, and hibernating, she made the journey to her mate. 

When she finally arrived, she knew she was too late. All the dragons were lying down; flora and fauna already making homes on their large scaled bodies. She wept that month. 

She found Sharon, clearly the last one to sleep, she was less covered in wildlife than all the others. Margaret made a space beside her, and, at last, hibernated. 

This wasn’t quite conveyed in the kiss they now shared, reuniting after so many centuries. Sharon felt the hurt and sorry in Margaret’s movements though. She also felt the utter devotion. She knew now, without a doubt that Margaret did not just abandon her because she lost interest, or found a better dragon. 

The pair spent the next few months explaining all that happened and how they felt and waiting for the family to wake up. Margaret still worried about meeting the other dragons, but with Sharon by her side, she knew she could get through it.

-

I’ve really attached myself to Margaret the dragon so I hope this did her justice. I hope at least one other person cares about this very very side character lol. 

[svarmodiig]

       SVARMODIIG’S 200 FOLLOWERS CELEBRATION.

Logging onto Inigo this morning, I had mostly planned to celebrate his birthday. What I didn’t expect to see was that, on this already special day, he had hit 200 followers. I’ve roleplayed Inigo for around 5 years now, and though I’ve reset his blog countless times, I never hit a milestone as grand as this before. I wanted to say thank you to everyone who came for Inigo and has stayed for my writing, for the countless headcanons and love I have poured into him, and despite my sporadic activity, continue to support not only me but Inigo, too.

Obviously I need to celebrate this, but what could I offer you all that I haven’t already? This blog is full of writing, and you all write your own characters so beautifully, I couldn’t offer a drabble, not for 200 followers. My art has hit a serious wall and it would be unfair to promise a drawing that may never be completed (ask Savvy her birthday was nearly a month ago and I still haven’t presented a final piece) so then I thought about what makes this blog special. And that’s all of you.

I couldn’t be here if it wasn’t for all of you! I’d just be some madman yelling about Inigo while no one else cared ― writing with all of you has helped me learn new things about Inigo (and my own writing) and the inquiries and discussions about his character has helped him to grow. I wouldn’t have been able to develop him so well on my own.

So rather than celebrating myself, I want to celebrate you. I know that this is going to look like a biased post and I truly hate the concept of mains. Naturally, everyone is going to appreciate their friends first and foremost and want to support them by hyping them up, but we’re all real people on here, and the last thing I want to make myself out to be is exclusive. If it were possible, I’d love to be able to befriend ALL of you, and of course if you consider that within those 200 followers are archived blogs and several blogs from the same people, this looks a little less special. But even then, there’s at least a hundred of you out there, supporting me and that means there are so many of you supporting me. 

So before I start ranting about the friends I have made on this blog, even if I don’t name you specifically, even if we haven’t interacted, I truly value your support and want to thank you for being here with me. I hope one day we can speak ― I know I’ve tried to make my blog look fancy but it’s to cover up my insecurities and shyness so if you can see past that, please reach out! I don’t bite, I promise. I’ll be just as scared as you.

TO MY CLOSE FRIENDS...

I dedicate this section to those of you whom I speak to nearly everyday, even outside of RP antics. A special shoutout to Orange @fatestouched​ who isn’t active anymore but you know how special you are to me already and how much I adore your Owain.

Lauren. @exaltblooded​ / @insignc​ / @brigidbcrn​

We’re coming up to 2 years of friendship in the coming months and that’s honestly so wild to me. You were one of the first friends I made at Uni and I’m so glad we kept in touch outside of gaming society. I’m thankful that you dared to ask if any of us roleplayed on that fateful day. Not only have we grown closer because of that, but your introduction into the FERPC has truly changed the dashboard for me ― not only because of all the crack you begin with Savvy ― but because of the new people I’ve met because of you, which has in turn meant I met new people through them and found myself a little community on the dashboard. Orange and I always kept our little verse to ourselves, but with you we’ve been able to expand it all, and there’s no other Lucina I would ask to join our little family. Thank you for all the memories and rp antics we’ve shared together.

Savvy. @ofconvocation​ / @ofnifl​ / @ofgaspard​ 

I normally like to put names in alphabetical order, but here I have an actual plan. Through Lauren I met you, and through you I met the others below. So before even beginning I have that to thank you for. Savvy ― we speak literally every day, you’ve been there for me through so much and I couldn’t be more grateful. At least once a week you get a little rant from me about how much I love you, but this time it’s public, and that means others will be able to see just how amazing you are (and they’re definitely going to agree with me!) The effort you put into each and every one of your blogs is inspiring, there’s so much love poured into them all and it really shows with their beautiful themes, their icons that more than leave an impression, and most importantly the writing. I think we can all agree you are incredibly talented as a writer and it’s thoroughly enjoyable to write with you when you aren’t starting crack on dash with Lauren. You’re easily one of my biggest supporters and it’s so very rare that I find myself doubting myself with you ready to launch yourself at me if I dare to think I’m anything less than amazing ― I just hope you know I am always ready to return the favour and truly admire you. Thank you for not only the memories but all the beautiful art you’ve gifted to me (and I promise Aurora will be finished by the end of the year.)

Momgan. @askrisms​ / @faerghusiisms​

I don’t care if your name isn’t actually Momgan you will always be just that to me. A lot of our conversations revolve around how amazing I think you are ― and that will never change. All the love and effort you put into Chateau will never be forgotten, and even though it didn’t end in the best light, you never gave up on it. All of your ideas are wonderful, and it’s an honour that I get to write some of my favourite ships with you ― heck, you’re the first person I’ve ever shipped an OC of mine with, because I know I can trust her in your hands and you will show her the same love you show your own muses. I absolutely adore your writing and I could easily read an entire book you wrote if I were able to. I hope that you and I can be friends for a long time, and we can write with one another often. You’re someone I genuinely look up to and I hold nothing but admiration for you. You will always be my Mom.

Ches. @unquiixotic​

I want to start off by saying that while we may not have spoken huge amounts, I absolutely adore you Ches. If you were to ask Savvy or Lauren how much we hype you up, I don’t think between even the three of us we could explain to you just how much admiration there is for you. As a person you are wonderful, always so kind and supportive and a genuine delight to converse with ― and I hope that over time we’ll be able to speak a lot more! I remember from Chateau your struggle to find a muse to write among the many you have, and I honestly at the time wondered how it was possible that you could write so many muses. I understand now that you harbour so much love, and that is put into your many beloved characters. All of them are equally loved, equally developed, and none written worse than the others. With Felix and Sylvain, I believe it will be our first time writing with one another outside of Chateau and I am genuinely excited to see more of your writing style, how you format your posts to convey your characterisations.

To those whom I wish I spoke to more often.

Shine. @beautiilance / @panic--ploy

Confession Time: I honestly was terrified of you for such a long time. Lauren and Savvy hyped you up for a LONG time before we actually got to talk and because of that you were already embedded in my mind as someone who was so cool that I was intimidated to speak to you. I know now you’re a big sinful softy and I had nothing to worry about ― bar your sin ― and I’m glad that we are friends. I’ve been trying to get Lauren and Savvy to add you to servers for a while so that we might get to speak and I’m glad it’s through Three Houses we got that chance to talk, since a new game provides a lot to talk about with all the new content. Like it or not, your Ingrid is attached to my Sylvain (as well as Ches and Mom’s Felix and Dimitri) so you’re stuck with me and we’re going to speak more! I hope in the future we can write with one another more and create some truly special memories.

Boo. @ofhoshido / @fxrmer / @nowithedragon / @misssummoningelizabeth

As one of Savvy’s real life friends, you hold a lot of respect in my heart for dealing with her antics ― I kid of course, that respect is for being there for her. She spoke of you often to me and I’m genuinely glad we got to meet and talk with one another. You’re a lot of fun to talk to and even though I’m shy and afraid to strike up conversations I do genuinely enjoy speaking with you. I hope that we can write more with one another in the future!

Pandora. @shamir-nevrand / (for the life of me I can’t find your other blog I’m sorry!)

We really really really haven’t spoken all that much but I know that Savvy and Lauren absolutely adore you and have sung your praises to the heavens above and it has me really hoping to one day speak to you for when I can stop being such a cuck and not be afraid to strike up a conversation!

...from Tumblr.

to clarify quickly, the three above are all people I’m in servers with on Discord whereas those below I am not and know only really on Tumblr but still want to talk to more!

Jessica. @i-nsubordination / @nonpareiltactician / @f-ortuity

Jessica ― I hope you already know how much I adore you. Naeva is so very special to Inigo and that puts you close to my heart. Their bond is so wonderful to explore, it’s something I’ve always wanted and you make those dreams a reality and I cannot thank you enough for that. When first I returned after my little hiatus you were so enthusiastic about my return and that has stayed with me, and every so often I’ll remember it and smile to myself that someone remembered me and was so happy for my return ― and I never said it but I truly hoped that you would still be here. There are so many things I can say about you ― the way you developed Naeva is genuinely admirable and it’s so lovely to see how much love you poured into her. She feels like a real character and is one I won’t ever forget, even when I’m off thinking about Inigo’s family away from Tumblr Naeva always comes to mind. She’s an unforgettable part of his life now and that means we are bound together. The way you write too is incredible and every post is crafted in such a way that I could read more even when I finish. It’s an honour that I get to write with you and you inspire me to be better. Part of what makes her so special is you, the person behind the screen. You’re genuinely so lovely and supportive and that makes your blog more appealing. I’ve always enjoyed speaking to you and can only hope in the future we get to talk more!

Volty. @i--gnis / @d--evotio

Volty I hope you know how much I adore your Robin ― I wasn’t sure if I’d ever get to use my main verse tag with a Robin, there are so many out there that terrify me and I still remember admiring you from afar. Now, I’ll happily slap that tag onto any post with you involved. I know I vanished so the old thread didn’t get to continue but I would be more than happy to dig it up from beneath the dust piled upon this blog just to see how your Robin gets to father Inigo in his youth. That thread alone so genuinely excites me and I absolutely want to do so much more with you to explore their dynamics. I can’t put into the words the admiration I hold for you and Robin and truly wish we can speak more one day. As for Validar? Bad man, evil keep him away from Inigo he’ll CRY.

Faty. @convxction / @sentofight

FATY I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU! Lauren is your biggest hypeman. For a LONG time she hyped you and your Chrom up to me ― and I had honestly been admiring you from afar for so long before then. You seem like a really genuinely nice person and I want to try and interact with you more to be able to hype you up as well! Importantly, since Lauren considers your Chrom her main and Lucina is part of my main verse, that pulls you in, so like it or not you’re coming down with us into Awakening development hell.

Carol. @heroismdreams

I know we’ve spoken a little before but I’m putting my foot down and saying it’s not enough. I absolutely adore your Cynthia and all the love you’ve poured into her. Her portrayal is wonderfully accurate and I can read all of your posts in her voice. The development you’ve gifted her is an absolute blessing and I really want to see more interactions between her and Inigo!

To those I admire from afar.

Rey. @reycursed

Aegis. @poregida / @azelfire

Pigeon. @valflame / @cicholic

@exalted--zealotry

To each and every one of you, I want to say that I adore each and every one of you. I think your blogs are so hecking amazing and you all seem like such nice people and whenever I see you on dash I’m waving a little banner of support in your name. ― Aegis, I want to apologise for going inactive and our thread dropping with Inigo and Laurent but know that I’ll be bothering you again soon. ― and to the grandfather-in-law from hell I want to highlight how much fun it has been interacting with you in small doses on dash and to say thank you for the fun.

And to those untagged.

I’ve been away from this blog for so long that I know many of those I called friends are no longer here ― and in the same vein those I admired are long gone. Whatsmore, life has been hectic, well and truly hectic and I can only remember so much from my past times on here. There are so many of you that I would love to personally message but this post took 2 hours alone to throw together because I’m so slow and I do want to celebrate Inigo’s birthday.

[gomwriting]

Date for hire, Jinyoung | Part 1.

Pairing: Jinyoung x Yumi (OC)

Type: One Shot / Fluff 

Word count: 2227

Synopsis: Eunbyul helps Yumi out by hiring someone from the Date For Hire app to be Yumi’s date to a fashion event. 

“Why would you do that!?” Yumi yelled as she jumped up to reach her friend’s phone.

Running away from her, Eunbyul yelled back, “Because you need a date and there’s no one eligible to take you to this event!!”

“I don’t need a date! I have you!!” Chasing her friend around the dining table, Yumi caught her breath as Eunbyul stopped momentarily, the both of them drained from running around their apartment.

“Look, I would love to go with you to this fancy private fashion event but Jaebum is finally finalising everything in his EP tonight remember?” Tilting her head sideways, Eunbyul continued, “You know I want to support him in every step of the way.”

Sighing, Yumi pulled out a chair and took a seat, glaring up at her friend as she said, “I hate that you know how much of a fangirl I am for your relationship.”

With a smile, her friend circled the table and draped herself over the smaller girl, “I hope you know I appreciate the support you have for us.”

Yumi could only scoff at her friend’s statement, unable to disagree with her truthful words. She pulled out the seat next to her and gave it a pat, indicating for Eunbyul to sit down. Taking it as a peace offering, her friend sat down and pulled out her phone, clicking on the Date For Hire app again.

“As I was saying before you rudely attempted to kill me, this Jinyoung guy seems really neat and fashionable so I think he’ll be perfect as a date to the event,” Yumi didn’t even bother looking over at her phone, already feeling defeated as her friend continued talking, “Now, I know you don’t want to see his face but I’ve already arranged for him to meet you at the carpark. I’ll send you his car plate number and the time he agreed to come so don’t worry about it.”

After glancing to check that Yumi was still paying attention, Eunbyul continued, “It says here that he’s studying to be a teacher so you know, he’s an all rounded educated man. It also says that he’s an introvert but he’s able to be just the right amount of polite extrovertedness for social events. How specific!”

Groaning, Yumi buried her head in her hands, her heart beating loudly at the fear of a stranger having to be her date for her first private event. Sensing her anxiety, Eunbyul rubbed her friend’s back, “I know you don’t want this but the invite did say to bring a date and this is the best solution I could come up for you as a friend without actually introducing a friend of mine that might potentially want to date you who has ‘no time’ for relationships.”

“Okay, you know what? I don’t care. I’ll just think of him as a really really new friend,” After choosing to sweep that concern under her imaginary mat, Yumi gave Eunbyul a small punch as she realised what her friend meant, slightly thankful that it was a stranger rather than anyone she knew. Feeling a little at ease, the girl thought of her next immediate problem, “So now, just help me find something to wear?”

With a relieved smile, Eunbyul answered, “Anything for you kid.”

Jinyoung leaned on his car as he waited, letting out a deep breath as he prepared himself for another full night out. He told himself that this was going to be his last night call in a few days, A straight four nights of being out not doing his body too well. Feeling a little light headed, he closed his eyes and rubbed his temples.

“Uhm excuse me, are you Jinyoung?” Now, Jinyoung had seen plenty of beautiful woman during his time as a Date For Hire worker but he’s never been struck by a beauty as fast as he did with her. Her short sleeveless black dress fit her nicely in the correct places and it had some mesh material that made her midriff visible, the mesh coincidentally similar to the one on his own outfit. She had on fishnet tights and a pair of combat boots on, fitting the black but unique theme he was told about. Her makeup was simple and she had simple accessories on but what struck him was her smile. It was sweet and bright, conveying her nervousness instantly, something refreshing for him who was used to women who were always confident.

He stood up straight and noticed how he was almost a good 20cm taller than she was, shocking the small girl into taking a step back. Politely smiling, he started his duties, “Hello Yumi, my name is Jinyoung and I’ll be your date for tonight. I promise to treat you well and do as you wish - as long as it is within our guidelines.”

Yumi gave him a smile as he completed his introduction, unsure if she was supposed to clap for him or not but decided against it when he turned around to open the door of the passenger seat for her. He tilted his head towards the inside of the car and she climbed in, giving him a small, “Thank you.”

They both sat silently in the car for a while as Jinyoung started to drive. Quietly, Yumi was thinking about how Jinyoung was such an attractive man. She knew that the men working for the Date For Hire app were supposed to be smart and good looking but only now did she realise that they must have high standards for choosing their workers. Glancing at him as he drove, she admired his side profile in the dim lighting of the night.

“You can just ask me questions freely, don’t worry.” The corners of his mouth lifted as he spoke, his amused tone making Yumi feel warmth in her heart. He was still facing the road as he said this, making her think that he was quite a serious driver, the girl quickly and unexpectedly making assumptions about him.

“I just wanted to know what it takes to be a Date For Hire guy, that’s all.” He could hear the hint of playfulness in her voice and Jinyoung cursed in his head, gripping the wheel a little tighter at the sound of her soft laughing. He was surprised at his own reaction and made a mental note about how he shouldn’t get too attached, though this had never been a problem before. It was just a heart fluttering moment that could’ve happened with any other girl, he thought.

“Well, first we have to go through a grueling audition process at their headquarters where they strip us naked and inspect our beautiful bodies,” Injecting a dramatic tone as he spoke, Yumi realised how deep his voice was and she let out a small laugh, unable to believe that her heart was racing due to such a small thing. She gripped her black clutch bag and bit her lip, trying to contain the extreme warmth in her heart from showing.

“Anyway, could I ask why this event requires us to wear all black?” After realising that she didn’t continue the conversation, Jinyoung tried a different topic. Yumi hummed in thought as she properly pieced an answer together, Jinyoung annoyed how he thought even the sound of her humming was cute.

“Well, the designer wanted to go a step further to show his love for black outfits and clothes so he created the event to be in a white and clean backdrop, the contrast of everyone in black something he’ll be using as a means to show that love.” Thinking about it, Yumi admired how the designer was so passionate in creating the event specifically for him and the people in the business who have shown love for his creations through different mediums, Yumi being from the written medium albeit still relatively new to the fashion industry.

Jinyoung glanced over at Yumi as she went silent for a moment, realising how she had a thoughtful smile on her face and without realising it, he felt himself smile at the sight. Without warning, the girl turned to look at him and they made eye contact, something similar to shock visible in her eyes yet something else he couldn’t quite understand was hidden behind them. He cleared his throat and proceeded to face forward and continue driving, the ride silent but comfortable throughout.

Unexpectedly, there weren’t many people in the area of the event. Yumi had explained to Jinyoung that since it was more of a private event, there was no need for all the glitz and glamour, though there were some paparazzi who came anyway to try and snap some pictures of various celebrities who appeared. As she explained, she felt some kind of emotion overcome her being as she wanted to tell him more, like it was magic, “I write about the fashion events I attend for the magazine I work for.”

“So you’re a big deal huh?” As they were walking towards the venue, Jinyoung silently offered his hand to Yumi, the girl slipping her hand in his outstretched one, the warm enveloping feeling as he wrapped his fingers around hers sending tingles down her spine. He then brought her hand to wrap around his arm, giving her hand a pat with his free hand as they walked together.

Enjoying the feeling of having him so close to her, Yumi couldn’t help but want to tell him more than she should’ve, “Well, not really. The magazine I work for is experimenting with the inclusion of more in-depth fashion related articles and I’m told they see potential in me so that’s why they sent my supervisor and I to this event,” Without even thinking twice she added, “It’s honestly kind of nerve wrecking since my supervisor is into the more gossip side of the the fashion and entertainment scene so I’m afraid she might get me to do things I don’t want to do if she sees me later.”

By this time, they walked to the entrance and the bouncer requested Yumi to show her invitation and as the girl let go of Jinyoung to take out the letter from her bag, he placed his hand on the small of her back and pulled her slightly toward him when a group of people walked past them quickly, unaware of their surroundings while leaving the venue. Yumi turned to look at him for an explanation and she could felt herself grow red as he said in a low voice, “Sorry about that. They nearly hit you.”

Unable to respond, Yumi gave him a quick nod in reply before quickly digging her bag to find her invitation, showing it to bouncer who let them both in, the air conditioning in the venue cooling her down a little.

The music in the venue was slow but upbeat, contributing to the overall minimal vibe of the event. Jinyoung was amazed by the various styles in black around him and he would’ve been frozen in his position if Yumi didn’t gently tug on his sleeve to get him moving.

Surprisingly, Jinyoung continued their conversation, unable to think past how Yumi seemed to be taken advantage off at work, “Why don’t you just tell her you’re uncomfortable with doing that? I’m sure she would understand since she’s probably been in your position before.”

“When I confront someone it usually doesn’t end well, for them that is,” With a sheepish smile she continued, “I get a little overboard with what I say so I’d rather not do something risky like that especially if it’s related to work.

Taking it all in, Jinyoung nodded in understanding, letting out a small laugh as he said, “That’s probably the most confident you’ve sounded in yourself tonight.”

Letting out a laugh of her own, she looked him in the eyes as she said, lightheartedly, “I wish I had that confidence at work honestly.”

As Jinyoung gave her hand a pat of encouragement, Yumi realised that the both of them had naturally returned to their positions, her arm wrapped around his. Despite being embarrassed at the thought of being naturally physically close to him, a slight feeling of sadness struck her as she realised she would probably never have this with anyone else. Jinyoung was indeed hired to be her date but the fact that he helped her feel comfortable around him was too much of a bonus for Yumi to comprehend.

“So, do you see anyone you know yet?” After getting the feeling that Yumi’s mood dropped after her last statement, Jinyoung steered the conversation elsewhere as he looked around at the many people, making eye contact and smiling in greeting as they went about.

With a sigh, the girl said, “I haven’t seen anyone I know yet and I’m still kind of frightened at the sheer scale of this supposed small event so, uhm no, no one I know yet.”

Jinyoung could feel her holding him a little tighter and something rung in him like a bell, something telling him that he had to make her even more comfortable as he possibly could at all costs. It might’ve been his instinct as a date for hire but why did something that was supposed to be so familiar feel so foreign to him?

[shingeki-no-scenarios]

Title: Curse Me

Characters: Reiner Braun x Fem!OC

Genre: Angst, Drama

Warnings: Language, Spoilers(?)

Summary:  Please stay, I love you.

A/N: Taken from this request :) A bit rushed, but I hope the emotions I wanted to convey still appear! Please note that I kinda went off-canon with this, and I hope you don’t mind.

“Look at me, won’t you?” he muttered, voice dripping with desperation yet low enough lest he wakes Bertholdt, Eren, and Ymir. Much to his dismay, he was only met with a cold shake of the head as she turned her tear-stained face further away from him. Sighing in frustration, he screwed his eyes shut before running his hands through his hair, lightly tugging on it and hoped that the pain would wake him up from this horrid nightmare.

“Fuck you.” she bitterly spat through her tears. Obviously, she was still shaken from physical altercation Eren and Reiner’s titan forms got into. Thankfully, she was able to leave the scene without a scratch on her body, but that didn’t make up for the deep, gaping scar the incident left on her heart.

It didn’t help that she wasn’t given a chance to process what was happening before she was carried away to some obscure area in the forest, only to be overloaded with information about Reiner and Bertholdt’s past, the top-secret war between Eldians and Marleyans, and how she were to follow them to Marley and join the government. All that information did nothing to help or console the confusion and betrayal she felt– it only made her cry harder and hate him more for how fucked up everything turned out to be.

“Take me back, Reiner.” she was finally able to assert herself once more after being a crying, trembling mess for the past hour; the hurt and sadness she was feeling were now being replaced by anger and hostility. “I can’t stand being stuck in this stupid tree any longer. Get me out.” her demands grew frantic as she started to gear up for escape.

“No. Stay.” was his firm response. Bravely approaching her, he reached out to gently hold her arms back from flailing about, gripping tightly once he got them in place. “We’re going to move by sundown. It’s too dangerous with all these titans around.” he calmly yet firmly said, gesturing to the titans lingering in the distance.

“Bullshit.” she sarcastically chuckled out and shook her heard as she made an attempt to struggle out of his grasp. “You couldn’t even be honest with who you are. What makes you think I’ll believe anything you say now?” her eyes were burning with anger as they bore into his, sending shivers down his spine– never has he seen his gentle lover get angry like this. 

As much as he wanted to retort and say that she was only speaking out of anger, he remained silent. What she said was true, after all, and considering how headstrong she was, there was surely no way that she would give him a chance to bring their relationship to the way it used to be. Suddenly, a wave of anxiety and fear washed through him as he realized that– there was no way that they could repair what they had, and he was sure that he’ll lose her once the fiasco calms down.

“I hate you.” she raised her voice and immediately cut him off upon seeing that he had opened his mouth to speak. “It’s embarrassing. It’s humiliating. It’s hurtful.” her jaw clenched with anger and hot tears stung her eyes as she uttered those words, obviously referring to the day’s incident.

“It’s not easy. I lost my best friend.” her voiced cracked and dripped with pain, making him tear up as well. “Everything I knew switched– switched in a matter of hours. And I can’t control it.” she sobbed, helplessly trembling. 

The memories of the promises he made to his dear princess came painfully flooding back, but this time, it had become apparent that the promises he’s made in the past were now nothing but lies, and it was all his fault. He was well aware that he had a mission to fulfill, yet he let himself get taken by love, with an Eldian, at that. To cope with that, he had created two sides of himself– one that was loyal to his mission and his government, and one that was loyal to her. Now, it was all weighing down on him, and he couldn’t deal with it.

“I...” he started, gulping hard at the sudden dryness his throat felt. “I’m sorry. I really am. I’m sorry.” was all he was able to say, turning his face away lest his resolve weakens should his eyes meet hers. He wished that he said more than that, but he found himself at a loss for words.

“You don’t mean that.” she retorted, eyebrows furrowing at how dense and thoughtless his words seemed. "I’m tired of hearing your voice, Reiner. Take me back.” she firmly demanded, voice dripping with so much anger that it almost sounded like a threat. 

Although she was aware that leaving without him would be wiser, given that everyone waiting on the other end would have his head, she still needed him. Furthermore, she wasn’t going to budge without Eren by her side; there was simply no way she could trust her friend to people who have been fake about their identity the entire time.

Before any of them could say more, a loud explosion followed by colored smoke made an appearance in the distance– a telltale sign that the Survey Corps were probably on the way to take back her and Eren. Inhaling deeply, she mentally prepared herself and numbed her heart to all emotions before moving to the branch Eren was peacefully napping on. Despite Reiner's incessant protests and begging, she shut her ears to him and gingerly cradled her good friend in her arms.

“Goodbye, Reiner.” she muttered, mustering all the courage she had in her system to take one last, good look at her now former lover. I will surely miss you, she wanted to say, but her pride didn’t allow it. “Have a nice life.” she added nonchalantly as she took off with the little gas her gear had.

“Wait!” he called out before she could get out of earshot. Almost immediately, she stopped in her tracks, instantly regretting it upon having the pain rush back with what he said next. “Please... Please stay. I love you!” he yelled with all his strength, hoping it would be more than enough to have her flying back to him.

“Remember how I told you that I’d take you back to my hometown once this is all settled? We’ll do exactly that in Marley. We’ll live a great life. You’ll love it!” his voice was filled with desperation, and it was evident that he had almost no hope that she would give into his pleas. “We’ll grow old together, as promised. No more lies, no more hiding. Just please! Stay. I love you.” he begged, feebly dropping to his knees as tears fell from his eyes.

“Curse me! Slap me! Do what you want! Just... Just don’t go!” he cried out, burying his face in his hands as he sobbed.

Shaking her head, she inhaled deeply and fought back her tears before hastily took off with Eren in her arms. As much as she wanted to give into him and declare her love for him, she couldn’t.

Things would never be the same no matter what, so she had to move on, and she was doing just exactly that. 

[veliseraptor]

so it turns out that I have a lot of thoughts about a memory of light and I’m about halfway through so here, have the first half of lise’s thoughts: a memory of light edition

the entire scene with the council on the Merrilor Fields was so my jam, I love council scenes okay, and watching Amyrlin Egwene and Dragon Rand square off was fabulous. 

also with bonus ending up yelling “woolhead” at each other in a room full of royalty. you can take the kid out of the Two Rivers

BITCHES MOIRAINE’S BACK

I mean she was back last book but now she’s really back, and like. possibly the best part was Nynaeve giving Moiraine a hug because, you know, reasons

the bit where the Great Trees grow and it’s...pretty clearly Rand’s doing made me think “and Rand, he makes the flowers grow” to the tune of “A Little Fall of Rain” so there’s that

Elan Moridin and Rand still have the gayest ages-spanning rivalmance in all of Wheel of Time, I’m just saying

a little annoyed about how the Black Tower plot got taken over by what I rather uncharitably think of as “Brandon Sanderson’s OC”, we don’t get any Taim or Logain POV but we get this dude? smdh

the Mat POV chapters (the change in his narration/character) are still grating on me, but I’m so endeared by Mat/Tuon as a pairing that I’m almost willing to forget it.

also I just love Tuon so much. hanging out in the garden in the middle of the night, just practicing her hand to hand combat maneuvers, yeah girl

Rand and Tuon meeting, take two! and this time it goes so much better.

also omg Rand and Mat meeting each other for the first time in eleven books and ribbing each other and just being. oh, boys. I do have to say I like the way in the last few books that things are coming full circle - characters coming back to their roots. it’s very thematically appropriate.

surprise Demandred! surprise Sharan channelers! I guess the groundwork for that was laid earlier but...eh. also I am a little uncomfortable with the ~exotic~ description of the Sharans, particularly given that a number of them are described as dark skinned. which...at least they aren’t the only dark skinned people in this series? but still.

Gawyn being like “da fuq” about finding out that Rand and Galad are half brothers

which, also like, what I would not give to see a conversation between Rand and Galad, it would be so awkward. into it

Gawyn sitting in the dark playing with his Bloodknives. you are an idiot Gawyn, I’m sorry but it is true

I feel like this book and the last book could have been compressed at least a little. like, the epic scope of the Last Battle is very much conveyed, but I’m not here for descriptions of battles, I’m here for interpersonal drama. but that may be just me

zen Rand is making me smile. zen Rand giving away all of his possessions in preparation for his death is making me cry.

I do enjoy all the people like “Rand look maybe you should put possibly a little more thought into the possibility of being alive”

Min joining the Seanchan club is just one more thing that makes me wish, so hard, for that teased post-series Mat and Tuon thing that will never, ever happen (and I mean I wouldn’t want it to without Jordan writing it but still) because Min hanging with Seanchan royalty and going toe to toe with Tuon is yes, thanks

other thing about Rand that is more general than just this book (but comes up very firmly with the Dragon’s Peace) is his determination to leave a positive legacy. it started much earlier, most notably with the school in Cairhien, but he has this deep desire to leave something good behind in spite of everything telling him that he’s going to Break Everything and

oh, Rand. you’re a good kid at heart. a total fucking mess but a good kid.

[otomefeels]

Wild Eyes (Anders - F!Inquisitor)

So, I’ve been working on this Anders thing for a while... it turned out to be a bit more challenging than I thought. I’ve been staring at it for a while, and I hope that there aren't any major mistakes. I’ve read it over and over, and I cannot see them. So, yeah, here goes nothing ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  

Aya is my DA Inquisition OC, and you can read more about her here. 

Rating: Mature

Words: 3,765

Warnings: Mentions of murder

Summary: After four years, Inquisitor Aya Lavellan and Anders' paths cross yet again, but where some things have changed, others haven't. Even though they haven't seen each other in a long while, things between them have only turned more complicated.

Then you smiled over your shoulder For a minute I was stone-cold sober I pulled you closer to my chest And you asked me to stay over I said, I already told you I think that you should get some rest I knew I loved you then But you'd never know 'Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go I knew I needed you But I never showed But I wanna stay with you Until we're grey and old Just say you won't let go Just say you won't let go – Say you won’t let go (James Arthur)

 ’’Inquisitor, someone is requesting your audience at the gates,’’ Josephine called from the stairs.

Aya looked away from her book, glancing down at Josephine from her position on the sofa. From her position, she could just about make eye contact with her diplomat as she peeked down from above.

‘’Who is it this time?’’ Aya asked, mildly annoyed that her rare free time was being disturbed once more.

‘’I-uh, I’m not sure. He refuses to give us his name or tell us why he’s here. He says he’ll only speak to you,’’ Josephine explained. She didn’t sound very happy with the situation.

Aya, on the other hand, was quite interested in who this stranger was. She was up on her feet in no time, leaving her book behind with a piece of paper left in-between two pages. Josephine was already smiling at Aya as she came down the stairs.

‘’Someone looks a little excited,’’ Josephine commented.

‘’Well,’’ Aya grinned as she passed her, ‘’whoever he is, he’s interrupting my reading time, so he better be worth it.’’

The diplomat followed the blonde, elven woman down the rest of the stairs and through the main hall. The rain was still pouring down outside, but after traveling the Storm Coast for a week, it didn’t really bother Aya. Truthfully, it reminded her of the rainy days she would spend with her clan, but she was trying not to think too much about those.

‘’Josephine, if you want to stay inside, I don’t mind.’’ Aya hummed while shooting Josephine a glance as they walked. She knew the diplomat wasn’t much for the rain.  

‘’Thank you very much, Inquisitor. I would very much like to avoid this horrible weather,’’ she admitted with a very relieved smile. ‘’If you’ll excuse me then.’’

Aya watched as Josephine disappeared into her office. Really, if it hadn’t been for her, Aya would have been in trouble on more than one occasion, so she wanted to pay her back in whichever ways she could. Besides, she felt confident enough to greed to stranger by herself. It wasn’t like she was still new to this, not like she had been at first, at least.

She stepped outside and into the rain, the heavy drops quickly leaving their marks on her clothes. By the time she had reached the bottom of the stairs, her shoulders were already soaked through and her hair was in the same state.

The rain seemed to keep everyone inside. Except for the soldiers on duty, the courtyard was empty, with only a few soldiers patrolling through it. The stranger had apparently not been interesting enough for people to defy the weather, but it suited her just fine. Except for the rain, it was actually quiet during the daytime for once.  

Four people stood at the gates as Aya approached. Three of them were guards, and the last was the stranger. His hair and most of his face were hidden by the hood of his cloak. The staff he was holding was definitively more than just a walking stick, but besides that, nothing else could be used to draw any conclusions, not with the cloak hiding so much of him. Gradually, as she got closer, it became easier and easier to see parts of his face.

‘’… I’m telling you, I mean no harm! I just seek an audience with the Inquisitor,’’ the stranger spoke. His tone was annoyed and impatient.

‘’And what do you wish to discuss with me?’’ Aya asked as she stood behind them. The heavy rain had masked her already faint footsteps, leaving the group to turn around rather quickly.

‘’Inquisitor!’’ One of the guards nearly yelled, immediately drawing her attention to him. ‘’This man refuses to tell us anything. He only says that-‘’

‘’Aya?’’ The stranger spoke her name and effectively interrupted the speaking guard.

His voice was suddenly familiar when the tone in it changed, and her eyes flew to him in surprise. It couldn’t possibly be him, and yet, when she looked at him and their eyes met, there wasn’t room for any doubt whatsoever. The pair of light brown eyes that she never thought she would see again was currently looking at her with a strange softness but also surprise.

Anders.

The last time she had seen him was four years ago somewhere in the Planasene Forest. A mage on the run, wounded and too exhausted to properly mend it, she had done everything she could to help him even though contact with humans was strictly forbidden in her clan. Whenever she had had the chance, she had snuck away, bringing the fugitive food and herbs to help him recuperate, but just like her clan had to move on, so did he. By then, Aya hadn’t been sure what they were, really. Their encounter had been random, their paths crossing were purely accidental, really, but even so, meeting him had changed her.

With his departure, he had left the gates to the outside world open, and even if it was just by a small gap, it sparked her curiosity. From the second he had left her field of view, she wanted to hear more of his stories, experience more of his personality, and, frankly, just have more time with him, but none of those had been a possibility.

Yet, there he was.

Her mind raced as she moved. Pushing past the guards and running the short distance, she threw her arms around his neck and crushed herself against him. Although he caught his breath because of the sudden embrace, he caught her easily and moved his arms around her in a tight hold. No words could convey how she was feeling, mostly because she wasn’t sure herself, but seeing him again and hearing his faint chuckle in her ear was the most comforting things she had had throughout this whole ordeal.  

For a moment, she pressed close to him, ignoring their soaked clothes and the surely strange looks from the guards. While she had never known what had happened to him, the complicated feelings he had left her with always seemed to resurface whenever he entered her thought. Even four years later, the blonde was still making her pulse race and her heartbeat quicken. Then, she remembered the truth that had ripped her to pieces.

‘’Maker’s breath, how is this possible?’’ He asked as she pulled back, meeting his eyes.

Her heart jumped to her throat because of the way he looked at her. She felt guilty as if she had done something wrong, but it wasn’t a conversation she was interested in having at their current location, so she didn’t answer him, only giving him a halfhearted smile. She turned to the guards with a heavy heart.

‘’If there’s any talk about this at all, about this stranger and what just happened, I will personally see to it that you’ll regret every single word you spoke of it.’’ It was rare for her to have a nearly threatening tone, but if the wrong people heard what had happened, she knew the consequences would be nothing but horrible.

There was a slight hesitation from all three, obviously because they didn’t know who was in front of them, but they all nodded after a short moment. Satisfied, and now eager to get out of the rain, Aya started walking after gesturing Anders to follow her.

Four years ago, Anders had mentioned Kirkwall, so once she learned where Varric was from; she had promptly asked him if he knew anyone by the blonde’s name. At first, it seemed like a lucky coincidence to her, but as he started to explain how he knew him, who he was, and what he had done, she wasn’t smiling anymore.

She knew she would most likely never see him again, and that it would be best to forget about him, but she couldn’t. He started taking up more space in her mind again like he had done back when he had left, but it was different this time. She wanted to know why he had done something so… drastic, and what he wanted to gain from it, but no one else than him could provide her with the answers she was looking for.

And now he was back.

The walk to her private quarters was silent. Aya was too busy with her thoughts to even consider talking, and she didn’t even look at him before they stood where they could speak freely. Her eyes found him as she leaned against her desk. As she watched him look around the room, her fingers fidgeted with the edge of the desk. She wasn’t sure how to express herself.    

‘’Not in my wildest imagination had I imaged that I would see you again, let alone here, ‘’ Anders spoke softly.

With a tired but soft smile, he pulled back his hood and revealed his face. Time hadn’t been kind to him. While some of the tiredness in his expression could be cured by proper rest, the rest couldn’t. The lines that had been faint before now ran deeper in his skin, and his eyes had lost some of their light and softness, but the passion that had lingered in them back then only seemed more prominent now. His hair was longer and tied up in a messy ponytail, and the stubble on his face would soon be too long to be called that.

Looking at him, she wanted nothing else than drawing him close again and keep him there. She wanted to hide him away, give him a chance of resting and regaining some of that light she had seen in his eyes back then. She wanted to see his smile without it being tired.

She still had feelings for him.  

She pressed her lips together as she tried desperately not to wear her emotions on her sleeve, but it wasn’t easy.

‘’And I never thought that I would see you again, either,’’ Aya mumbled and looked down.

‘’And yet,’’ he started, shrugging off his soaked cloak, ‘’you seem to have lost your enthusiasm about it.’’

She glanced up at him, but the expression he wore was unreadable. Whatever he was thinking, he wasn’t showing it while it felt like he was reading her without any problem. Slowly, she felt herself crumble as their eyes stayed locked like he was forcing her to expose her troubled mind and feelings. After another moment, she drew a quick breath.

‘’I know what you did…’’ She spoke the words that added so much weight to her heart. ‘’Why… Anders? Why would you-‘’ She started, her eyes focusing on him again, but he quickly cut her off.

‘’How did you come to know about my atrocious action?’’ He spat out, his voice cold.

‘’Varric’s a part of this.’’

‘’Varric? Of course, it’s Varric…’’ He scoffed before raising his voice, ‘’and how much did he tell you about Kirkwall? How much did he tell you about the Chantry, and how it turned a blind eye to all those who were suffering?!’’  

‘’Enough to want to know why Anders! Why was blowing up the Chantry and killing all those people necessary?’’ She asked, raising her voice as well and stepping closer to him.

He stayed still, his eyes turning hard as he looked at her. ‘’Because Darktown was suffering and mages were being treated like animals! The Grand Cleric didn’t care that Templars were going mad with power, abusing every mage they could get their hands on, and making those who resisted tranquil! There needed to be justice!’’ He yelled, anger erupting in his eyes like a mighty fire, fueled by everything unjust in this world.

‘’You killed innocent people!’’

‘’How ignorant are you to believe that they didn’t do the same?! Is capturing mages and locking them in prisons, just to let them rot away in captivity a better fate to you?! Or would you rather have your mind taken away from you?!’’ He yelled before closing the distance between them. ‘’You know the pain of being taken away from your family, but being held like a prisoner with Templars watching your every move is something you’ll never know,’’ he sneered.

The light was back in his eyes, but it wasn’t the same. It was full of a kind of hate that she would never understand, but seeing him like that felt like someone had driven a knife through her chest, straight into her heart.

This wasn’t what she wanted.

‘’You started a war, ‘’she whispered.

‘’I did what was necessary to stop the oppression of innocent people!’’  He went back to yelling while his eyes kept hers locked.

For a moment, there was a blue flicker in them, like something was right beneath the surface, ready to burst forth, but it was gone just as quickly as it was there, leaving her to wonder if what she had seen was real or not.      

‘’You speak of things you do not know about,’’ He commented. The fire in his eyes slowly subdued to a strong flame instead while he kept their eyes locked. ‘’Had you been anything else than a Dalish, your fate would have been the same as nearly every other mage, but your sheltered upbringing kept you from seeing the injustice all those others experienced… how can you possibly judge me for my actions?’’

‘’Don’t-‘’ She started, her voice thick, but he didn’t let her.

‘’You sought the truth, did you not?’’ He raised his voice again, but it was filled with something else than anger. ‘’Did he tell you all of this, or did he only describe me as some heartless monster?’’ He continued.

His voice shook a bit as he spoke, the bitterness dripping off it like venom, but she heard the pain in it, even though he tried to hide it. She closed her eyes when she could feel the tears beginning to appear. She couldn’t stand hearing the hurt and the bitterness in his voice. Never had she considered what he had lost in his fight for justice. Even when she didn’t agree with his methods, she couldn’t just condemn him, not when he mattered so much to her.

‘’He did, didn’t he? I’m this monster that no one wants anything to do with. That’s why you suddenly looked so-‘’ She crashed her lips against his before he could finish his sentence.

Before she had interrupted him, his voice had shaken like he was about to break down, and she couldn’t stand hearing him descend into such a state, so she kissed him for multiple reasons.  

Truth be told, the kiss wasn’t sweet or gentle, it wasn’t passionate or breathtaking, and there was no grabbing onto each other like it was the end of the world. It was clumsily initiated by someone who had never kissed anyone else before but still dared to tiptoe and do it anyway. Her first kiss and she spent it on shutting him up before he fell into pieces – if he hadn’t already.

‘’I never have and never will think that you’re a monster.’’ She whispered, not daring to meet his eyes after what she had just done, so she kept them closed.

She noticed his lack of breathing, which really wasn’t making her less nervous, but of all the things he could have done, she really wasn’t prepared for him to chuckle. Sure enough, when she opened her eyes to make sure that it wasn’t her imagination, he was hiding a small smile behind his hand.

‘’Honestly, that was probably the worst kiss I’ve ever had,’’ he admitted.

‘’Are you… are you serious?’’ She asked, not sure what to think of his words, but it caused faint warmth to rush to her cheeks.

‘’If that’s how you make people stop talking, you should really practice a bit,’’ he hummed, the faint smile having grown a little bit.

‘’What? Of course not! I’ve never-‘’ she started but promptly stopped once she realized things had gotten off track. ‘’Look, I understand why you did it, but I personally don’t think it was the right way to fight back, so I can’t… I can’t defend your actions, Anders.’’ She couldn’t look at him as she spoke, so her glance fell down to her feet instead. ‘’People are still after you for what you’ve done, and as much as I want to, I can’t keep you safe. I’m not powerful enough.’’

‘’Your point is that I cannot stay?’’ He asked.

Her following silence was her answer. She couldn’t possibly argue her way out of it, not when Varric and Cassandra were there. Not to mention Cullen. Too many people knew his face, and too many others knew who had started the whole thing. Even if those problems weren’t so severe, the Inquisition was in no place to do something so drastically, especially not when they were planning to seek help from Starkhaven.  

She didn’t look at him again before she heard him sigh. If exhaustion hadn’t been obvious in his features before, it certainly was now. Finally, he let his guard down, and it wasn’t a pretty sight. He looked tired, so, so tired, like the last years on the run had finally caught up with him. She couldn’t send him away, not when she felt like she was the only one he had, but it wasn’t like they had a lot of options.

When she saw the defeated look in his eyes, she made up her mind.

‘’I can’t hide you here, but I know a place that might work,’’ she murmured and moved to her desk, ‘’the first thing I did when we got here was to have a look around the area. I had a few lookouts help me, and I wrote down all the information we collected on this map.’’

Her fingertips ran across the map while her eyes quickly scanned the small but precise writing scattered across it. Anders approached her as she found what she was looking for.

‘’Here,’’ she pointed at a circle located fairly close to Skyhold, ‘’I found a small cabin not far from the road leading to Skyhold. It’s in a small valley, so there wasn’t any snow, but it takes about an hour to get there on foot, a lot less if you have a mount.’’      

‘’And this place is safe?’’

‘’The only people who use the roads up here are on their way to Skyhold. They should have no reason for moving that far down into the valley. Safe or not, it’s just an old hunting cabin, so you really shouldn’t-‘’

‘’Aya…’’

She looked up when he spoke her name. She hadn’t realized how close he was before then and her breathing stilled as their eyes met. There was calmness in his, with a hint of curiosity lingering beneath, like he waiting for something. Softness appeared in them as their gazes lingered on each other, making her pulse quicken and blood rise to her cheeks.

‘’Did you mean it?’’ He asked, his tone serious but soft.

She had to swallow before answering. ‘’The kiss or what I said after?’’

‘’Both.’’

She held her breath as his eyes seemed to search hers for an answer. She hesitated. If she told him the truth, would he just take pity on her and leave? After all, he could easily have forgotten all about her until the moment that he saw her again. It wasn’t unthinkable, not when so much had happened to him, but she really hoped that it wasn’t the case. Still, the words were clumping together in her throat, like they were waiting for her to finally decide what to say.

His eyes wavered as he waited, and she started to picture the disappointment in them when she couldn’t give him an answer. Satisfied with her answer or not, she couldn’t stand the thought of not speaking her mind, not when she got the chance to actually do it.

‘’Yes…’’ Aya finally answered. As much as she had wanted to, her voice wasn’t exactly confident, but at least she didn’t sound like a total wreck. Not yet.

Anders was silent for a moment. His eyes fell to her lips while his own parted ever so slightly, as if he was about to speak, but he remained silent. When his eyes met hers again, he moved closer to her while he took a quick breath.

‘’You would have to be a fool to actually want a man like me,’’ he whispered.

‘’I never claimed I wasn’t,’’ she breathed as he leaned closer to her.

He stayed still, inches away from her, as if he was giving her another chance to change her mind, but it only made her impatient. Her eyes flickered between his and his lips while her pulse had started drumming in her ears. By the creators, she just wanted to be kissed by him.

‘’Anders…’’ Her voice was just a whisper, but it was enough for him.

Unlike her method from earlier, he moved slow, letting their breaths mingle while his left hand found her hip. Tilting his head to the right, he closed the small gap between them and finally kissed her. It was soft and slow at first, only turning deeper once she seemed more at ease and the tension in her jaw had gone away. The hand on her hip guided her to him, pressing their bodies closer together while his lips kept seeking hers. As his other hand cradled her cheek, she had nothing else in her thoughts but him.

It was like he drew the air straight out from her lungs. Heat rushed to her cheeks while her pulse danced in her ears, but the only thing she could focus on was his lips. Her arms moved up and around his neck, pressing herself against him like she had done out in the rain. She wanted more of him, but a need for air momentarily left both of them breathing heavily while staying close.

‘’The thought of you has never left my mind, never,’’ he whispered, voice soft and vulnerable, as if he was admitting something he had never thought of saying out loud.

She didn’t know what to say.

Here he was, the man she had never thought that she would see again, confessing that she had been on his mind since they had parted ways. That, and he had just kissed her. It was overwhelming, and she couldn’t stop smiling.

She might be a fool, but she couldn’t care less right then…

[3one3]

The Sequel - 840

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André Schürrle, Juan Mata, other Chelsea/BVB players, and random awesome OC’s (okay they’re less random now but they’re still pretty awesome)

original epic tale

all chapters of The Sequel

I miss boyfriend. I miss how he pats my butt all the time, and drags me into spontaneous aggressive hugs, and likes to be spontaneously hugged back. I miss that he’s so much bigger than me. He’s such a good chair. I miss how dumb he is, and how smart he is. I miss how he always smells like laundry. I wish he were here. One and a half more days.

Christina and her Quixtep were untouchable when they were both “on”, and they were “on” in Cannes for the premier spectacle of the weekend. Their first round looked like a warm up, and their jump-off was blistering. The crowd enjoyed it, the horse reveled in their atmosphere, and the rider admired his ability to perform and his ability to soak up adoration. He got a lot of more personal love after the prize-giving, plus apples. Christina was still with him when the hangover from the emotional high began. It was coming sooner all the time. The highs didn’t last as long as they used to. It was normal when the adrenalin and endorphins receded to feel a sort of low set in. It always happened. It was just worse that night, for some reason. So Dirk got a lot of clingy hugs when he finally got to return to his stall and get started on a big pile of hay. His person wanted to keep petting him, and running her fingers through his mane and forelock, and giving him nose kisses. Anyone who provided a major high for her got that love. It had been mostly Juan for days. He was the one she couldn’t leave, or stop touching and kissing.

It was a little depressing for the rider that when the low set in after the high, the person she wanted to pet and kiss was André. It seemed like all of her low moments were bound together almost singularly by her desire to find comfort in her husband, even when he seemed capable only of providing the opposite. Her Spanish friend took a stroll down the walkway toward the end of their row of boat slips to speak on the phone with Taylor, who was having some kind of personal issue and wanted her ex to help her feel better. Christina didn’t mind that at all. In fact, she needed a few minutes away from him. He really upset her with that kiss at the table before the Grand Prix. If he wanted to use the sketchy photo as an excuse to stop hiding their relationship, then she needed to have a conversation about it first, and it needed to involve the third member of their situation. She knew it wasn’t the most egregious betrayal. It wasn’t like he stuck his tongue down her throat and then stood on a chair and told everyone in the riders’ tent that they were sleeping together, so she couldn’t be too outraged. Her plan for him was just a level conversation in which she would let him know what he did wasn’t okay. He was always on her case about just communicating her feelings anyway. But in the meantime, while he was out of her immediate vicinity, she let a bucket of ice soothe the pain in her right ankle and let thoughts about her husband soothe the mega-high hangover. Lucky was helping too. He sat in her lap and closed and opened his eyes slowly and repeatedly for her in that cute and sleepy way only a tiny dog can do. Spencer was down at the end of the sofa by her left foot.

“I miss you. Don’t be late on Monday,” Christina wrote to her boy in Miami. They’d already talked since her win. His congratulations were offered, and he said he hoped she could do the same again in Monaco when he’d be there to celebrate with her. Dirk wouldn’t be there though, so it wouldn’t be the same. That bummed her out just a bit.

“I’ll be with you by lunch, unless there’s a runway traffic jam at the private terminal in Nice, which is entirely possible,” the BVB man reminded her. He was flying commercial from Miami to Milan overnight, and then using their regular charter from there. The private jet would drop him and Lukas in Nice and then deliver his parents home to Germany.

“If you can’t land on time you have to parachute down with Lukas.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Someone sent me a picture of me and Juan kissing the other night. I don’t know who. There was no message. And he says to ignore it. So I’m worried, and I miss you, and I have that sad thing that happens after the champagne :(((“ his wife wrote back. Juan wasn’t the only one always beseeching her to speak her mind and communicate better. He wanted open communication too. She had to tell him about the picture, not wait to do it in person because she didn’t want to ruin his night, or because she didn’t feel like dealing with it when she was already kind of upset.

“Kissing where? You have to be more careful than that,” he told her, his text conveying in its lack of excessive punctuation or emojis that he wasn’t that angry. Christina half expected the phone to ring, not buzz once for a text, so that flatness surprised her. I know it’s just a few words, but it sounds like he’s annoyed at my careless but not pissed off. Is that possible, she wondered.

“On the boat. It was late and there was no one around and it was like 2 seconds. Do you want me to send it to you? I think it was taken from another boat.”

“No.”

“Should I ask Tim to try to do something about it?”

“I don’t know. I think it looks worse if we try to stop it. It makes me look like an idiot. Were you wearing clothes at least?”

“Of course. It wasn’t like some passionate thing, babe. And I’m sorry. I HAVE been careful.” It’s just Juanin who wants to be all careless now.

“If you ignore it then maybe whoever took it won’t think it’s worth selling. It could have been anyone, not necessarily a pro.”

“That’s what Juan said.”

“Great”

“I really am sorry.”

“I know. It’s ok.”

Both Toy Fox Terriers’ heads lifted together at the sound of someone crossing the gangway. They were down on the floor and waiting at the baby gate blocking the couple of stairs on the left side by the time Juan stepped over it, and they followed him back into the covered sitting area. He managed to sit before they could hop onto the couch and take up the last bit of space at their human’s feet.

“Feel better?” the Spaniard asked, presumably about her ankle and not her emotional state. He rubbed her other leg with his whole palm.

“Did you have to give me that very boyfriend-girlfriend kiss in front of everyone when I dropped your shrimp?”

“Have you been saving that up all these hours?” he laughed. Christina just nodded, her face blank. “You looked so upset. I haven’t seen you that way in a long time. You’ve been nothing but happy since we got here. I didn’t want to see again,” Juan shrugged.

“Come on. We were literally just talking about that picture, and about people finding out. You’re trying to tell me you forgot the rules a minute later?”

“Friends kiss each other on the cheek, Chris. Don’t be silly. Why are you making a big deal?”

“Because it was clearly more than that,” the rider argued, frustrated. “And you called me “angel”. You don’t call me that in front of other people.”

“So what! Those are people you spend half your life with. You’re this worried about them hearing the name “angel”? Why do you care so much?” Juan argued back, evidently growing rather angry. Seeing him truly upset was always rare for her. It was kind of alarming, and made her feel funny, like when her dad yelled at her. She also felt like he was trying to impose a double standard.

“You care what everybody thinks too! You have a wonderful reputation in a world of idiots and bad guys because you’re careful and smart. You wouldn’t even let me kiss you hidden behind a car door in a dark corner of a parking garage. You don’t hug or kiss or touch your girlfriends in public, like, ever. You don’t even hold hands. Can you please not try to lecture me on caring too much about what other people think? You don’t have the good reputation you do because you’re simply the most upstanding and infallible guy there ever was. You’re just too smart and vigilant to get caught being anything less than that.”

“What is your point? What are you trying to get me to say?” The Chelsea man sat back against the arm cushion of the blue and white striped sofa and looked thoroughly over the discussion. His patience was historically short whenever she managed to get him on the defensive and he couldn’t pivot back to the front foot. He differed from André in that. If he couldn’t turn the tables, he refused to continue engaging. It infuriated the debate champ in Christina.

“The truth about why you did it,” she shot back defiantly. “Do you not want to keep us quiet anymore? Are you okay with people knowing, or having bits and pieces to put together? I’m not trying to make an issue. I just want the truth. You’ve tried two different answers already and neither sounds that genuine. And if you do want to let people figure it out, why? Do you think it’ll make it harder to maintain and then I’ll leave Schü? Or you get to feel like I’m more yours if everybody knows? Just help me understand your thinking. That’s all I want.” Infuriated or not, the night’s big winner had matured over her year of marital discontent. Her thirst for wins in arguments shrunk. The thirst for understanding stood out more. Getting answers was more important than getting vindication and feeling right. She’d learned that being right didn’t always mean her circumstances changed for the better.

“I don’t know,” Juan said, lips pursed and hands up and out at his sides. One of the dogs thought he was offering him a treat, and licked at his empty fingers. “I didn’t make a comprehensive strategy in the half-second between when you looked devastated about everyone laughing at you for spilling my dinner on the floor and when I opened my mouth to try to make you feel better. I just did it. Maybe it happened because we’ve been together almost constantly for four days and it’s easy to be comfortable.” His attitude was very “what do you want me to do about it” and “it just happened”.

“Okay.” He’s not lying, Christina concluded. I know when he lies to me, or tactically avoids telling the whole truth. I can believe he just slipped. It’s just...odd timing, she sighed inside, watching his blues in the bright light from the bulbs in the ceiling, or the floor of the fly bridge as it were. Being outside on the boat at night was the rider’s favorite part of having Lilly XO. It reminded her of one of those inside/outside rooms in a Spanish or Italian villa that she’d always wanted and had security questions about. There was something relaxing about it, and vacation-like. It was hard to imagine how the crew onboard saw the boat as their workplace, and their temporary home, rather than their holiday venue. It just didn’t seem possible to stand there and not feel the same. And she wanted to get back to full holiday mode- full calm- and away from the newfound tension with her best friend.

“I’m sorry if I upset you,” that friend conceded.

“I’m not upset. I was just...I didn’t want you to have made a unilateral decision to change our...privacy policy.”

“I wouldn’t do that.”

“Okay. Can you hand me the towel?” She opened and closed her hand in the general direction of the fluffy white towel waiting for her on the coffee table, which was actually twice as far from Juan as from her. He got it for her anyway, and held it open to “catch” her frozen foot when she withdrew it from the mop bucket full of ice. It was late, but with nothing on her agenda on Sunday and a lingering buzz- not necessarily a good one- from the big class of the night, she wasn’t anxious to get into bed.  Georgina’s number-two responded to the intercom call for snacks. The other English girl supplied pretzels and Coke with lemon. Christina found an old Billy Wilder comedy film about a May-December romance between Audrey Hepburn and Gary Cooper on the classic movie channel. Juan found a comfortable way to use her thigh as a pillow and took up 90% of the couch opposite the TV for himself, leaving just enough room for her to sit with her feet on the leather top of the coffee table and her pretzels on the flat arm beside her. That arrangement was okay with her because she didn’t necessarily feel like snuggling. She missed André. He was who she wanted to snuggle with during the funny movie, even though the German wouldn’t have appreciated the humor as much as his old teammate did, and even though she had every intention of sleeping in the arms of that teammate. A small measure of distance was required. They really had been together almost nonstop for days, and that wasn’t the same as being together all the time right before Christina moved to Germany. They at least separated to go to work and do their training then. And she was still feeling just off enough about the kiss and the ensuring difficult conversation that she wasn’t keen to get cuddly right away. He gave her until bedtime to decompress without a lot of talking.

“Are you going to be upset with me all day tomorrow too?” he asked her after she spent an inordinate amount of time in her bathroom and then walked back and forth around the bed to the “his” bathroom three times instead of just getting into bed next to him.

“I’m not upset with you now. I was brushing my teeth and washing my face and moisturizing and clipping my finger nails and-“

“Okay.”

“I’ll be done in a second. I just need my lip balm.” The rider pointed in the direction of her vanity, and her expression was innocent enough to sell her words. They were pretty honest. She wasn’t upset with him. She just had lingering upset about the situation. A minute later, after liberally coating her lips in vanilla and lemon Lush balm and switching off the overhead lights, she crawled across half the bed in a wife beater and lacy panties to give Juan a pleasant smooch on the cheek, as a show of good faith. “Just us tomorrow. And those guys.” Christina nodded at the dogs whose matching round shapes were identifiable under the comforter alongside Juan’s legs.

“I’m looking forward to actually sailing on the sailboat!”

“It’s kind of amazing,” she smiled as she folded her legs up under her. “And we finally get to get in the water. It’ll be like being on a boat instead of a floating hotel room. And I can sunbathe naked.” Her eyebrows blinked comically at the sleepy player and he leaned over for a smooch of his own, on her shiny, sticky lips.

“You taste like dessert.”

“Want seconds?”

He nodded and they moved together equally for a third, longer kiss. They exchanged angles halfway, switching the tilt of their heads, and making it a true co-effort. Christina felt a delicate hand wrap around her left bicep at the same time she pushed hers flat against the Spanish star’s chest. There was no need for a mental break from one another any longer. The two-hour movie-watching window was enough. Disagreements or tensions between them always seemed to go that way. They didn’t last. Only major mistakes made a serious impact. There was some kind of relief inherent for Christina in knowing that she wouldn’t be put off long. It made it easy not to stew over whatever put her off in the first place, and to actually use the quiet between them to relax and forget. That never happened with André. The Schürrles always worked out their problems too, and she knew that as well, but she was also aware that the process could be ugly and drawn out, and consuming.

“Come to the beach house after Monaco,” Juan willed her after he licked the transferred Lush product off his lips and while she unfolded herself and started tucking herself in.

“That’s the only week I get to go home,” she pointed out with an almost-laugh meant to hide her very real anxiety about when she would get to be alone with him again, her denial of which was also very real. There were 9 days between the end of the Tour event in Monaco and the horse inspection in Cascais. The entire Schürrle and Coletti clans would be there for that. The following week was a Nations Cup in Sweden, and then Christina needed to be in Aachen for 7 days. The jumping team for the Olympics would be named on the first day, and the horses nominated would depart for Tokyo a few days after the event concluded.

“Do half with me and half at home.”

“I don’t know, babe. Ask me again in next week. I have a hard enough time planning my next day and you’re asking about two weeks from now.”

“Your next day is going to be a nice morning sleeping in, some breakfast, sailing, swimming, jet skiing, tanning, more eating, book reading, probably napping, more swimming, laziness on the sofa, a shower, a nice dinner, relaxing under the stars, and then love with me back here in the bed.” The Spaniard waited for her to get settled on her side and then felt around under the satin comforter to find her hand, just to play with it. “That’s what it says in your diary. I read it.”

“Ohhh, I see,” she nodded, opening up her fingers for his. “What does it say in there for the rest of tonight?”

“Anal sex with Juanin.”

“I’m pretty sure it doesn’t say that.”

“Just “pretty” sure? So you’re saying there’s a chance?” The more arched of his two brows lifted with hope and feigned anticipation.

“There is more of a chance that I’ll spontaneously turn into a dolphin,” Christina assured. It felt good to her to be able to completely move past what happened earlier. It was so easy. It was so different. I don’t know if I want to sleep now or make him talk more, she realized while she watched his slightly sun-reddened face on the other extra-large gray pillow. The lamps on this boat make for some very flattering lighting. His freckles look so cute. He looks like one of those preppy guys I grew up with after they spent a week at Martha’s Vineyard, on Daddy’s boat, but without the douchey smirk.

“How drunk do I have to get you to convince you?”

“I would literally have to be unconscious.”

“How much wine is there on the boat?”

“Juanin!”

“Can we go to sleep now?”

“Yeah but you need to kill the lamps. I’m not moving.”

The player switched off the small glass art deco lamp under the large boxy shade on his right first, and then leaned obnoxiously over his sort-of-girlfriend’s head to turn off the matching one on her side. She attempted to deliberately get herself stuck under his t-shirt so that she could blow on his stomach or otherwise be annoying, but she wasn’t that fast. The best she could do was close her arms around his waist like a vice and refuse to let go. All it took for Juan to get free was a reminder that he recently had surgery in the general area she was clinging onto. It got her to let go immediately and then apologize profusely for not using her head. He laughed and teased her for falling for it. He also accused her of making up excuses to keep him awake longer. Christina denied the allegation of course but she wasn’t entirely sure she wasn’t in fact doing that. She enjoyed his near undivided attention for days, and then she didn’t want it for a little while because of what he did at the table in the riders’ tent, and then she was right back to not wanting to give it up. Even when beyond tired, his company was just good. She could have done with a little more pointless pillow conversation.

“Sweet dreams,” she said when she nevertheless conceded to bedtime and got her goodnight kiss.