#I MIGHT even delete this post LOL i'm just rambling and not making any sense lol.

[esther-dot]

I sent the show!Jonsa ask! Yeah, I was toying with it because one of the sticking points for me is figuring out why the show did or didn't do Jonsa and why that may or may not happen in the books. That to me is really some of the most damning stuff, and I can't point to Dany's arc in the show or Stannis' etc. (many of the examples you use) as argumentation for what makes sense in the books but have yet to have happened without, too, including Jonsa.

Anon asks are limited by length (and I would not want to waste your time with adding caveat after caveat lol) but I do also have complicated feelings about D&D; on the one hand I think there were serious problems on set and I have a lot of capital F feminist problems with them, but that doesn't belie all the creative work they put into the show (I do think there are Choices they made about how to portray romance without the source material at hand, and even before that honestly, but I already wrote that ask lol).

You're definitely right about the heaping of romantic parallels; one or two of those relationships alone could be written off, but the Sam/Gilly one is very weird, and Kit's acting choices are... very weird lol. Re: Sansa's jealousy, I had read that more as Dark Sansa foreshadowing as opposed to Jonsa jealousy, so I don't know???? When it comes to show!Jonsa I mostly only like the S6 dynamic anyway, so that might be down to some of my bias.

Basically I'm trying to entertain alternative ideas that might explain things as opposed to genuinely arguing for show!Jonsa being an accident, and I was thinking about this as well because it is an issue I've encountered with shipping/romance/fandom in general before. The male-gazey tropey dynamic ends up feeling off, but by virtue of the romance goggles of the author not being applied to another dynamic, it ends up feeling more mutual and less objectified and more interesting lol. A good example off the top of my head, given you've just watched the MCU films, is that I shipped Steve/Natasha (yes...) because the dynamic in Winter Soldier was above and beyond any other M/F pairing in the films. Naturally everybody goes on about ~platonic soulmates~ but I love good guys with sad/evil/redeemed ladies so I can't help it. Not saying it's at all canon though, I think they absolutely stumbled into that one.

I'm glad your nephew enjoyed the MCU films! I remember when I rewatched Endgame with my best friend, her dad came in and we had to keep explaining who the 'blue one and the green one' were. It made the film much better.

Anyway, thank you so much for entertaining my ask, and as always, being such a good sport. 🥰💝

(continuation of this convo)

You have no idea how much I sympathize with the caveat issue. I write answers and then delete entire paragraphs because I have such a tendency to try to clarify everything that it makes things less clear because I bury the point, but then I regret it when the vague blogs start. We all have limited time though, and every answer can't be thousands of rambling words! Sometimes I've literally just said "insert caveat" lmao!

I do also have complicated feelings about D&D; on the one hand I think there were serious problems on set and I have a lot of capital F feminist problems with them

I read this article about Emilia's experience on set for GoT (I have not been able to relocate it, but I did actually read an article with her quotes--it wasn't just a tumblr post), and I felt that she was taken advantage of when it came to the nudity/sex scenes. I actually think she meant for some of the stories to be amusing, but I felt sick reading it. She didn't say it was D&D, but apparently when she wanted to do less nudity going forward, she was told her fans expected it and it became a fight trying to move away from it, and....I just worry about the power dynamics with all these young actresses and what they're told they "need" to do. The fact that even if they ultimately agree to certain things, it still may be a result of coercion or they aren't actually being taken care of/feel safe when doing it...it left a very bad taste in my mouth regarding the behind the scenes stuff. And obviously, we all noticed the changes they made to the story, what they did to Sansa...plenty of things we can take exception to purely on what made it to our screens.

Basically I'm trying to entertain alternative ideas that might explain things as opposed to genuinely arguing for show!Jonsa being an accident

I enjoy doing that too! Groupthink is boring! I don't expect everyone to think the same way/come to the same conclusion, and I've changed my mind on a few things which only happens if we're willing to entertain different ideas instead of shutting people down. I mean, I'm not easily persuaded to a different way of thinking, but I try to be open to it. With the condition that someone interprets Sansa in a way I can live with which excludes most of the fandom/their theories tbh.

I basically work myself to one position and then back to where I started when it comes to show Jonsa. If it was an accident, I don't love it any less, if it wasn't, I'm curious what the hell happened. I didn't get what I wanted there, so it really doesn't matter to me what people conclude. I genuinely thought it was amusing when Kit acted surprised when he was asked about Jonsa because it was his face that was saying "not normal sibling feelings here." Silly man. 😂 And, D&D fucked up enough I don't like to take them too seriously, so I can't say, "this doesn't make sense therefore it was an accident" because, uh, a lot of their choices ultimately made no sense.

it is an issue I've encountered with shipping/romance/fandom in general before. The male-gazey tropey dynamic ends up feeling off, but by virtue of the romance goggles of the author not being applied to another dynamic, it ends up feeling more mutual and less objectified and more interesting lol.

I certainly agree about the general male v female view of romance. I found that a problem when I said that they didn't write a romance for Jonerys, and the guy I was talking to was like, "they had sex tho???" There was just...a massive gap between what we were looking for when talking about the characters/relationships. Although, he did know what I meant when I said "well, they filmed Jon and Sansa like a ruling couple." He immediately understood that. And, considering what they did to the sandsnakes (I'm not saying the line), I do understand the argument that if they meant for there to be a romance, they would have done it in such a way that we would have objected.

I think part of the reason I believed Jonsa was intentional was because I don't ship non canon pairings. My brain isn't one to think, "oh but what about those two" as I wasn't even involved in fandom before, and I generally just took what a story was and reacted to it, rather than re-configuring it. Obvy, having been in the fandom for so long now, that's changed somewhat, but for me, s7 was a total puzzlement, and Jonsa / some variation of poljon was the only way it connected to everything we had established before. In a bizarre twist, we didn't get the story that would make it coherent, but we still got the endpoint: Jon betraying Dany for Sansa. It's still weird to me, all these years later. Now I'm mainly bemused rather than angry though.

[nonranghaes]

your sweet svt drabbles are such an inspiration to me. I've been getting into writing fics slowly by writing just short ones off a single scenario, and i have too many prompts and ideas coming from my head (which is great !) that i already had laid out but i just couldn't find thee tempo to start. Soo I'm trying to get more inspo by reading around tumblr and to my luck i landed here! i found your writing style an exemplar to how i wanted to write (bonus if you'd like to give some writing tips? 🥹). Your drabbles looked effortlessly written, they're simple yet so expressive and visually evocative. Reading them makes me feel like it's easy to just get the idea off my head and picture it in words OK I'LL STOP HASJB it's literally midnight o clock (when the strong urge to give one of my prompts a shot kicks in)

aaaaaAAA AND IF I START CRYIN????

honestly i dont rly know if i have any solid writing tips haha i like reading a lot since it can teach me a lot abt what i like in writing and what i dislike!! + reading helps u pick up on how other ppl describe things and how their writing flow. idk if that makes sense though. like... book i just finished (a death in tokyo) is very to the point and practical with its writing. it was written in a way that i could clearly envision a lot of things and my mind would fill in the holes since its set in a real world setting. other stuff i read might take care in describing things in more detail, but reading higashino's work kinda made me understand further how just plainly stating things can have its own power and paint a picture just as well--just depends on what you're writing and what kind of vibe it should have, yknow?

like. i wouldn't expect a thriller to have the same writing flow as a romance novel, but the gritty details can still have importance depending on what the topic is. little things like that. genuinely, imo, the best writers are those who read a lot and my advice is rly just to kinda read everything u feel safe w reading!!!

also i think ive said this a lot on wooahaes but ive also been writing since i was like. 11. if not younger lol so ive had a looooootta time to practice and refine and get to where i am now and i'll still be improving into the future hopefully!!!

other than that... hmm...

i'll admit this one isn't something everyone can do (and obvs no shame to ppl who can't!) but i always try to envision the space i'm writing and the people within it.

i think for me personally, i care a lot about the physicality of whoever i'm writing? if they're nervous, are they acting shifty? are they wringing their hands? is this a situation they want to get out of, or are they nervous because they're kinda excited for what's to come? how are they vocally, too? are they the kind of person who rambles when they're nervous, or do they get really quiet? is it obvious, or will it seem normal if they're quiet/chatty?

like... with the mark lee drabble where he's nervously dragging out the question of "what if we kissed?" it was kinda important to me to just kinda have him dragging it out because once he says it, there's no way to take it back, and once he says it, the nerves take over in a "and now i must ramble, lets talk about anything but what i just said, so the aquarium-" where even though we don't SEE mark, we still can tell he's a nervous wreck over it all. its little things like that that just kinda stick out to me?

mmm but for my drabbles specifically... i think i kinda function off the fact that i'm not writing an actual fic here? if i wanted to write something longer, i'd put it on wooahaes (and sometimes i do! i've had a couple fics now i was gonna just post as a drabble but then they kinda ran away from me). i've deleted parts of drabbles before because i felt like they were getting too irrelevant. the point of a drabble, to me personally, is to just kinda give somewhat a quick snapshot of a moment. i think my stuff usually takes place in a single place as far i can remember, because changing scenes makes it feel like a bigger thing (barring stuff where there was a short flashback).

i think it can help to have an idea of what you want to capture if you're writing a short drabble. reader/seungkwan caring for one another, minho teasing reader over the cats, reader trying to get one over on joshua (ft seungkwan). occasionally the more fantasy-ish stuff is like "merfolk reader in love w jisung" and "merfolk reader saving minho" or "android!shua being saved from the facility by reader" comes to me, too. i just kinda write purely by vibes and what i wanna write. idk if this helps but i usually do try to have some idea of what exactly i wanna do!! the times i have opened a post and closed it again bc i had nothing..................................... yeah

(obvs no shame in those moments ksdhfds i just always end up sitting there like. what was i doing again.)

ummm idk what else to say!! i can always try to give advice on other stuff if u ever have specific questions but this is all ive got rn <3 good luck!!!!! i believe in u!!!!!!!!

[matan4il]

OK I hope this ramble makes sense. If it doesn't just delete it lol. But do you think there is any deeper meaning into the fact we haven't seen Buck shirtless since S2 but we have seen Eddie multiple times. But the reason I noticed more is because to me it seemed like Eddie and Ana and Buck and Taylor were portrayed in 2 different lights.

Like Eddie and Anna were very chaste and boring. Every time we recently saw Eddie shirtless it was never even around Ana. Definitely no getting caught like Shannon and he did. Even though there was dysfunction there you could tell he was sexually attracted to her.

But Buck and Taylor were very sexy. The way they had him pick her up in the bathroom. We even saw them in bed but he was dressed the whole time. And Oliver loves him a thirst trap so we know he's not against it.

Maybe I just want to see Buck shirtless again and I am pouting. But I also feel like yes the writers and producers always knew these relationships had an expiration date and choose to portray them a certain way and are they waiting to give me a Buck shirtless shot to make it a moment.

I'm like you I don't dabble in reaching far because it's disappointing. But I would send cookies to the writers if they made it Eddie having his oohh moment because he looks over and sees Buck pulling his shirt off and we all get to experience it together. Bring shirtless Buck back for science!

Hi Nonnie! Rest assured, I never delete anything. I may not get a certain ask, or it might take me a moment to reply to it, but if I got an ask, I will respond! *hugs*

Hmmm. I might be wrong, but I think the show tried to imply both couples had (at least on the surface) good sex. The flirty moments Ana and Eddie had in both 408 and 501 implies that to me. Mind you, just because that's what's implied, doesn't mean it was so. I feel like it's been implied that both men just went through the motions in order to maintain their r/s, and for both it seemingly was a good sex life (the women didn't appear to have any complaints), though really, they were both miserable with their partners. But they think they need to deliver to keep the r/s going.

Regarding shirtless!Buck, I think we mostly saw him in s1 in relation to his initial promiscuous ways. Then, we also had one scene which required it, because Buck and Abby were about to have phone sex, and since they were regularly speaking on the phone in any case, the shirtlessness was necessary to establish that this was gonna be some sexy times talk. The last scene where we saw Buck shirtless (correct me if I'm forgetting something) was to imply he thought Abby was back in 201, but she wasn't. I do think since then, there was a need to differentiate him from promiscuous!Buck, as well as the fact that the only r/s he's been in since was the one with Taylor. Which yeah, they chose to show us from the get go, in 501, that it wasn't working quite how it should have. It is similar to Eddie, we've seen him shirtless more than once in s5, but never in a sexy context.

Another thing to consider is that while Oliver isn't shy about posting a thirst trap on social media, he might have become nervous over time about being filmed shirtless. It's much easier to take one pic, make sure you like how you look in it, post it, and know you can also delete it immediately, it's a different thing to be walking around for a while scene, and if Ryan is around and isn't shy, it might also be that they're cutting Oliver some slack.

No lie, I would sell a kidney not just to get shirtless Oliver back, but to specifically have a mirror scene for the intro one in 201, where Eddie was stripping down to the soundtrack of "Whatta Man". Can you imagine if that scene were reversed and Eddie would be the one visibly thirsting on screen while the background song spelled it out in no uncertain terms? I WOULD SELL MY KIDNEY I TELL YOU.

Thank you for this ask, and I hope you're having a fantastic day! And yes, that we somehow get shirtless Buck soon... ;) xoxox

If you're looking for my ask replies, here is my ask tag! xoxox  

[limey-writes]

can i get a matchup? (if you're not doing them rn that's fine lol, just delete this ask) i'm a nonbinary/transmasc (he/they) with dark wavy hair thats about waist length. i'm pretty thin, but my job is physically demanding so i'm starting to build more muscle. i'm 5'8, pretty pale, and have freckles. i wear mostly black and i like wearing high heeled boots/platform shoes because i get dysphoric about my height.

i like video games, but im also really into astrology, tarot, art, antique weaponry (mostly old guns/swords/knives), collecting rocks, and music (fav genre is dark cabaret.) i really want to learn to play the piano/violin. i also really like plants and want to become a horticulturist.

im very quiet, but that's mostly because i don't like small talk. it's very draining to me and i don't like having to maintain social connections that feel superficial, so for those reasons i can come across as cold or rude without meaning to. it isn't really anyone's fault, i just genuinely enjoy being alone most of the time. i have a very hard time expressing myself vocally and prefer to text or write whatever it is i want to say. i'm an emotional person, but i'm not very expressive around other people. i really only open up around close friends and even then it's not by a whole lot. i always try my best to treat others with kindness, but if someone is continuously rude to me then i just ghost them or i intentionally piss them off for fun. the internet has permanently fucked up my sense of humor. i cant stop spending money on expensive ass clothes/body wash/hair care crap/cologne but i just like looking good and smelling good!! goddamn!!!

in terms of like romance or relationships or whatever: i don't like it when strangers flirt with me and i don't date for fun or anything like that. again, i don't like entertaining surface-level connections at all. i'm very introverted, so i want to be able to give all my energy to the people i'm actually close to. if i'm in a relationship with someone, then i'm 110% serious about it because it takes a lot for me to be close enough to someone to even consider dating them.

(i hope this wasn't too long lmao, i saw in another post that more detail was better so i tried my best to include a lot but not ramble too much)

Your turn for your match-up! (:< And thank you for the extra detail, it does really help!

I match you with...

Sniper!

Mick is the type of man to struggle with connections, so when you can across each other, he definitely appreciated the time he could have to actually fully get to know you. The man definitely can understand the need for alone time, so you can bet that he knows when you need space and when to come around and give you some extra care you might need. He definitely digs the aesthetic and compliments you so much about your platforms, he asks you to read his cards on occasion and listens so much when you want to talk about any sort of astrology to him. He does a lot of travelling, so he definitely loves talking about stars with you whenever you guys hang out together at night.

Whenever he goes on his missions, he makes it such an important part of it to bring you back a new rock you might not have in your collection. He definitely supports your love for plants, definitely would pick up a thing or two to be able to take care of some along with you, ever since meeting you he swears he's never had more plant life in his camper than he did before. Might even bring you a plant you've had your eye on over giving you flowers, but its the thought that matters, no? If you ever showed him your love for old weaponry, you can bet this man lights up and drops so many facts about any old guns he might know, for some reason he knows a lot about it but mainly he likes to do research on what weapon would work best for his line of work soooo, if that explains anything. If you'd let him, he's love to listen in if you ever wanted to practice piano or violin, might even play along with you if you asked him to, Mick is definitely one to appreciate the musical arts, and loves the fact you're so interested in it!

Mick is also in love with any sort of fragrance you use, expensive soaps, etc. He compliments you on any new one you're trying out and gets excited when you show him a new one, on occasion once he knows you well enough, you definitely might be surprised with a new cologne you told him in passing you liked or a new outfit you've been wanting. Sure he might not flat out say he is into you, but he is subtle with his means in telling you he likes you a lot, he likes the bluntness you have if you had ghosted someone rude to you, might even drop an idea or two on how to annoy them since he also finds it kind of entertaining. Once you guys are together, he also struggles with showing proper emotions, so instead he writes you little notes telling you how much you mean to him instead, hoping that gets the point across as best as he's trying to do.

If it makes you feel any better, this man probably laughs at the video of the falling waffle, so if you ever wanted to share any sort of obscure thing you like then you definitely might share the same sense of humor. Sure he takes his time being able to be open with you, but once he feels like you guys have had enough time hanging out with each other, Its like seeing a flower bloom with what other stuff he shares with you. He doesn't mind if you needed more time until you feel comfortable with him, he's a sniper so of course he's learned the art of being so patient with you as long as you need him to be.

[essenceofarda]

Thingol doodle!

Nonsensical rambling under the cut lol

While I do tend to gravitate towards drawing tolkien characters as POC, I didn't always (I grew up *very* influenced by PJ films), but when I read the Silmarillion for the first time as a mid-twenties-year-old, some time ago now, it was after a hiatus of not being very immersed in Tolkien's work. I grew up absolutely obsessed, but for various reasons I lost touch with it as I grew up. When i first got to the part where Thingol was introduced, I had a very strong image in my mind of a very tall, dark skinned elf with white dreadlocks. I latched onto that image of him from then on, and then I found out that he was an ancestor of Elrond and Arwen, and i just rolled with it X) Thingol was first time I started imagining Tolkien characters as non-white. And then I started naturally and without forcing myself to, finding myself imagining a lot of characters from Tolkien's work as POC. As a white person, I have found myself embracing this new view of Tolkien's work as a way to unlearn how I visualize characters, especially from sci-fi, fantasy, and fictional stories. Looking back at this evolution i went through over the last few years, I have to say I don't regret any of it, even if it meant having to uncomfortably evaluate myself and my habit as a child and teen for having very Eurocentric headcanons, especially for how characters look. Interestingly as well, I found that around the time I started accepting that, hey, maybe not all my favorite characters have to look like me, I started being more open to reading more diverse stories, and listening to more diverse points of view, and being more invested in unlearning the prejudice and racism that I had, intentionally or no, been projecting into the world in my personal life. I actually think starting to headcanon tolkien characters as poc gave me a safe space in my mind to start challenging the harmful beliefs and racists habits that I grew up with, which probably sounds strange, to say fanart made me less racist, but I do think I'm a better person overall now, not necessarily because I draw characters as non-white, but because of the personal outcome i had of not always requiring or desiring characters and stories to be only from a pov i can personally relate to. It kind of opened my eyes and my world. I have a long ways to go still of course, I'm nowhere near where i should or want to be in these areas, and probably never will be, but still. change is good.

Anyway, I'm not really sure why I'm saying all this, except that I think about this ongoing evolution I've had over the years, and that it all kind of started with Thingol, and me embracing the fact that maybe, just maybe, elves could be black

[the-blind-geisha]

Do you think Demi would secretly fantasize about dominating his lady? Like his mind might drift off in a meeting or something while staring at her. imagining her with a little bell and collar, crawling on all fours for him. Do you think he would be ashamed by this or wonder why he felt this way about his Queen? Do you think he would ever take it upon himself to maybe attempt to act on these feelings by being a little more dominant and forward?(cause ya know he’s cocky like that lol) Maybe even start to slightly chastise her or treat her like she’s smol and needs him to help her but in like that caring dom sort of way if that makes sense😂 like “Oh darling, let ME do that for you” whenever he sees her struggling? Or would he remain professional unless given the OK? He still respects her and adores her but just has a different view in the bedroom tho Sorry I’m rambling lol And this isn’t an ask for a request or imagine or anything! I genuinely just want to know what kind of stance or path you think he would take (hope that’s okay and doesn’t cause you any burnout) I just love knowing your opinion on all things Demi tbh because you just write him so accurately and talk about situations and things I’d never really thought about involving him before. I think that’s why you got so many requests Is because people really like how you write our impy boi. Like you could literally just make a post about what kind of material Demi likes his socks to be made out of and I would seriously eat it up😂 And I mean thank you for even providing us with all the lovely Dems material that you do for FREE. I definitely appreciate, and I’m sure many others do too, you taking the time out of your day to write and answer all those long imagines that you would do, I know those were draining on you and probably took a while but you did them anyways and that was so nice of you to do❤️ I just thought I would add that in and let you know that people do appreciate what you do and that it’s not being overlooked❤️but I’m sorry for the long post lol

Oh, neh. It's totally fine~. If anything, I started looking at my to-do list, and I'm shortening it a bit, so I don't get overwhelmed. Not that some of my fics of Demi will be stopped or trashed—far from it—I just think I have a means to hyper focus them down to completion when I can. XD; When that happens, I can be far more open and embrace the ideas of such things again and maybe open longer drabble requests to fill back up Tome.

Mawwr, that's such a sweet and lovely thing to say. ;w; I am happy I can write the character so convincingly! It means a lot to hear~. ♥♥

(And honestly, Demiurge probably wears these types of socks if any at all given his toe claws.) xD

With Demiurge, I think he would gladly fantasize about his lady whether he's in a meeting, eating, sleeping, or otherwise. Yes, he's focused and all of that, but she's always on his mind and there's always going to be new things he comes up with in his head.

To be fair? We don't know what Ulbert spoke to Demiurge about in public or in private. Same can even be said about the other Supreme Beings. If we learned anything from Shalltear, they do recall conversations from the game that their Creators and others would have. And my own headcanon with Demiurge? Demiurge was Ulbert's only friend, so Ulbert spoke to this NPC about any and everything in private like it was his one best friend in the whole world. This is probably why Demiurge misses Ulbert so much because they were more than Creator and Creation—they were friends and family members in his mind.

This could easily slide into the thought that Ulbert talked about his own personal feelings with women, fetishes, sex and the like because—the devil was made of data. What was Demiurge going to do beyond be deleted when the game was torn down in his mind? And, to be fair, while I know Demiurge is already a master manipulator, I feel like part of that might have come from Ulbert specifically when it came to him telling Demiurge about how he handled certain people online and off.

While Demiurge might not come right out and tell the MC how he's thinking of her, you know he's writing about it personally for himself. He's going to daydream about her, and he's going to masturbate about the thoughts in his head too. While I know it's stated eating, drinking, and sleeping aren't needed for demons to really feel alive or continue living, I refuse to believe he doesn't still act on some urges his old life had (as I still want to go with the idea Ulbert gave him a backstory where he was murdered as a human and it was Ulbert who created him and gave him life as a demon). And besides, he has bar nights with Cocytus... it shows that drinking beer doesn't hurt him by any stretch, so I am sure doing the other things won't either.

Sex is obviously part of this. Hell, depending where you look, some of this is sinful if done in abundance and with nothing but greed and lust in your mind. Demons love exciting sin out of themselves or others.

I think in the beginning, Demiurge would be a bit ashamed he's thinking so raunchily about his queen. However, he's a demon. He's arrogant and prideful, and in his mind, he's done a lot for Nazarick and her, and he probably thinks he deserves her. If she won't see it, he'll guide her the best way he knows how to make her see it. He wants her to be apart of the kinks and fetishes he has in his head.

If the Lady MC was very timid and to herself? Demiurge would use that to his advantage and make her think she was incapable of being able to do things without him nearby. He wouldn't be condescending, but he would tell her certain things were out of reach, as you said, guide her diet, and or say she shouldn't or couldn't go outside of Nazarick without him helping in some manner. Just as Demiurge managed to twist things in his favor in Tome by making Ainz appoint him as MC's doctor? He would do the same thing here where he'd see to it he was MC's bodyguard and personal servant till he could twist their roles.

Heck, to folks who don't know: Albedo wasn't the leader of the floor guardians in the Web Novelization of Overlord—she didn't even exist. It was Demiurge. Why not have 2 leaders of the floor guardians? Demiurge could make Ainz consider this as he would be able to make it seem like he's more levelheaded than Albedo in the moment, but he would work directly under MC than compared to Ainz.

He would find a way to make sure the MC doesn't have a way out of this deal since Ainz's words rank above her. If he managed to warp her way of thinking enough, he would turn the roles into something sexual where she would become his pet that relied on him and only him.

Because who is going to love her? Him of course. He would make it to where she would crave him just as he envisions. He would put her through any and everything he loves just to see how she enjoys it. He wants to hear her begging for more. Just imagining it isn't enough for a demon like him. Maybe he even uses love potion manipulation on her, making her thirst for him so much that she begs in tears for him (because yeah, he sick and twisted). I don't doubt that man has a playroom of dirty imaginings... for him and his lady.

[retphienix]

There are so many fucking games I want to play for the blog and I hypothetically have the time, but the energy, the attention span, the drive?

In more positive terms here are some various titles I plan to give a shot for the blog.

Let's do a 5am state of the blog kind of thing to clear some thoughts, eh?

Morrowind (Current Game ramble)

For the moment the blog is more or less on break with me playing Morrowind ""For the blog"" but mostly for me, because that's just a game I've wanted to explore. Not that every other game on the blog isn't that, just that I looked at Morrowind and said "That'll be a terrible game to present naturally. That's a stream game, or a condensed video, not a liveblog" and then did it anyway.

I'm loving Morrowind! Honestly the sense of mystery, fantasy, and adventure is just chef kiss levels of perfect to me.

But it's terrible in a photoset, I'm not particularly interested in doing another format for the game, and it's a game with less 'intense narrative themes!' and more 'Incredibly different game design compared to modern Bethesda' in terms of discussion material and let's all be real here:

We're all fucking tired of that conversation lol.

So there ain't much to talk on in depth, it's more of a "Here's a newbie seeing new things!" playthrough with nothing to talk about after the fact, which ain't a strong point for the blog- again- that's a stream/video kind of thing.

ANYWHO- Morrowind fun, about the only news I can offer on that series is that it might abruptly end and become a 'for me' series because I'm not particularly interested in beating the game nearly as much as I'm interested in exploring aimlessly and seeing what happens.

I'm not playing Morrowind for the end goal of beating the main quest, or beating the DLCs. I'm playing it to wander into caves and find new pants, so if I reach a point where I'm satisfied with what I've shared and my motivation has not borne a new end goal then I'll end the live blog and move on to a new game :P

Backlog

The short statement I'll make is that this blog is a hell for my backlog.

Even without infinite money on hand I've ended up with so many physical and digital games just sitting here waiting to be played either because they caught my eye or because of recommendations by various people over the years.

I keep sitting down, cataloguing my backlog, realizing it's pointless to catalog, deleting it all, and then starting over yet again.

The fact is, if anyone recommended it it's probably still sitting in a text document somewhere, or physically on my shelf, and I don't remotely know when I'll get to it.

I've yet to hit the point where I decide to turn this blog into work, so I have never sat down and gone "Well, Retphienix NEEDS to post! Sit down, 8-12 hours minimum, let's play the next game!"

And part of me wishes I'd do that, but the fact is this isn't a job. There's no money here, there's the opposite even! I don't remotely see it that way, but if you squint and tilt your head I've spent a lot of money on this blog over the years.

Capture devices (a lot of them!), consoles specifically bought for the blog, controllers out the wazoo, I've gone through multiple computers for this thing, and the games, my lord the games- so many games.

And that's fiscally, what about manpower? So many hours have gone into this blog, so many hours poured into the background of making all this work, researching shit, putting my all into formulating my opinions clearly for posts, writing, hell video shit even though it's mostly clips as my one step into edited content became an impromptu awkward hiatus from doing more lol.

What was I on about.

Despite all that nonsense, Retphienix is a passion project. Not a job.

If I lack the passion in some sense then the work doesn't get done "just for the sake of the work". And I don't mean lost passion as much as "No motivation on x day; tired on y day; interested in doing something else on z day" etc.

If things aren't clickin' I don't force it, so the blog has all this backlog and isn't put together in a way that facilitates burning through it quickly.

I do sometimes wish things were different though, I know I'd still enjoy such a playstyle, but I can't justify "faking it til you make it" in a format that literally isn't built to pay and was never intended to.

I can't work myself for nothin'.

Hypothetical "Next" games

While the backlog is a wild wasteland of titles, there are some that just kinda guarantee their spots sooner rather than later.

Yakuza 6 and 7 along with Judgment, obviously. The series is one of my all time favorites and I generally have some of my absolute most fun on the blog side of things with those games, so it's a winner on two fronts. It's just fun to react to, post out of context things for, and talk with other fans about and for whatever reason tumblr has a healthy enough fanbase for the series that my meager blog gets some attention there.

Dragon Quest has a strangely weighted chance all things considered. DQ has many of the same advantages as Yakuza- it's a series I adore, it's fun to talk about in this format, and the fandom is big enough to occasionally spill my way making the blogging experience a bit more fun. It's also a series where I don't know what'd come next to be fair. Probably DQ4? I mean, might as well continue on from that point since I have 1-3 done. I can't exactly justify replaying the entirety of DQ11 no matter how much I want to! Turning on the games above gave me DQ goosebumps which kinda settled how likely it is to show up sooner rather than later, lol.

Jeez. I looked at one of my surviving lists and that's like all that's popping out at me.

Other series feel like giant leaps with no gas in the tank, like do I want to start playing Kingdom Hearts? Not really, not right now. Do I finally play Lisa? Eeeeeeh. Persona? Hmmmm.

I haven't the fuzziest. There are so many one off interesting titles, but if the drive ain't there they might as well be textbooks.

Perhaps instead of any major next game I'll just do some afternoons exploring random titles for a bit here and there with no intention of beating em.

The idea is enticing as hell, but the feeling of not giving the game's a "real shake" feels bad.

We'll see. The only certainties seem to be Yakuza and DQ, as much as I'd prefer far more.

Side project hypotheticals

Outside of the basic live blog stuff I'm still interested in exploring scripted stuff. Mostly to prove to myself that I can overcome some anxieties and break from the meandering pace the last effort gave- I can write! That much I know! So just gotta trick myself into writing for a video and then make the video after the fact lol.

Current thoughts are on a video exploring the monster taming sub-genre. It's a genre near and dear to my heart, and one I know some weird things about as is- but mostly it's a genre I KNOW I know very little about despite that, so I'd like to give it an overall look, or perhaps just explore some random entries, I haven't a clue lol. I'd mostly like an opportunity to talk about some interesting entries in the genre, things like explaining my adoration for DWM while explaining how the flaws make it really rough today, or the interesting mash of genres that is Lost Magic, or the more modern take that mashes idle-like mechanics with Siralim Ultimate.

Won't lie, playing the demo for Monster Hunter Stories 2 threw a wrench in that plan because it made me want to talk about it and how the genre might have a new breath of life after really grinding to a halt as pokemon became what it is today, but all to be seen or not lol.

As far as other things like streams? Not really.

The concept of writing a bit more on games is tickling the back of my head lately, but that mostly just means "more posts that aren't live-blogging" as I haven't the fuzziest where I'd share such nonsense.

Really it's all up in the air as far as retphienix content is concerned, beyond the live blogging obviously.

5am closing

It's fun to explore what games have to offer, both on the individual level, the personal level, and as a whole- as a medium.

So I like Retphienix.

And I like all I've made here.

I hope to continue for a long, long time- no matter what future formats might look like.

[thestarssystem]

aa hello i've written this like 10 times but it always got extremely long so i'm gonna try to keep it shorter hdbznj also i just wanted to say its okay, take ur time ! i hope u had a nice time on ur break :] also i'm glad you're fine with these asks cause i always end up rambling and stuff that makes the asks really long dgzbzj

i've been thinking about the possibility of a persecutor as well, but i wasn't really sure because i was like "why would the first alter that i directly hear/that presents themself to me be a persecutor" so ty for the response :]

& the thing about giving away information would make sense, the panic specifically started when i was feeling very ,, apathetic but on the upset scale? if that makes sense? and wanted to vent about it on a subreddit about venting, and i don't even remember what caused the panic, but i assumed it was either a. i started getting memories of the events i was trying to vent about (emotional flashback?) or b. it was just social anxiety acting up again because i knew i would do as much as writing it all out but i would never post it, but i think it could've been a mix of both + what you suggested (also quick note: when someone called me fox they also said stuff like their dms are open if i need to vent etc etc and i don't exactly remember what caused the panic to spike there? but i think i was just happy-ish someone cared and then i think something else happened in my mind that could've influenced me in a bad way (e.g self h4tred) but honestly i don't remember </3)

but another thing is, i've done that a bunch of times. for example i post neg posts / vents / rants a lot sometimes on a different website (on an account where i feel comfortable on, though i always delete them like 6 seconds later) and i posted one on the same subreddit on friday because i was panicking, i barely remember what happened when i was panicking though, and i kind of blocked everything out because i was too focused on the trigger (school). the voice hasn't been back for a while now so i'm starting to think it could've just been my imagination? though it could've been i'm just not able to hear it anymore / before that, or that it's not always there (which might/probably is the case if it wasnt me imagining stuff)

also, i have a few questions if thts okay :]

this might be a weird question, but is it normal to like- have a good relationship with alters almost right away, despite the fact it's your first time directly interacting? or have alters front even though you've never heard them / they've never interacted with you? i know those are two very contradicting statements, though i have no idea how to explain it further </3

one last thing: yesterday i had like 2 mental breakdowns because i got triggered by some stuff and i was up until like 3am (i went to bed at exactly 4am) and i did some stuff like switching up my profile, i was really tired and had been d1ssociating for hours after i got triggered. when i woke up today, and went on my profile, it all felt very ,, weird? like, it kind of caught me off guard when i realized my profile was different because i barely had memory of doing so (i could recall it though, it was just very very fuzzy and in one of them i felt like i wasn't even the one doing it). i just wanted to ask, could the d1ssociation have caused that, or is that just a normal thing for when you're tired?

sorry i didn't want to send just a regular update on things so i waited a bit until i had questions shxbxj hope you're doing well :]

- fox (i was a bit anxious because it was getting long so i kept them a bit short, so if u need me to elaborate on any of these i'd be glad to! i don't mind /gen)

oo wait i really quickly wanna make a small suggestion to you. Just something that we do a lot! If you have snapchat, i suggest creating a private story with yours as the only account that can see it and just use that to rant! It makes it easier to document for later (if you want) but also keeps it private and allows you to rant about what you’re feeling and get that nice moment of release haha.

Anyway, on to your actual questions:

So I would say that a lot of the time, it’s normal to not have a good relationship with alters right away. A lot of the time they’re kind of like strangers and you have to take the time to get to know them and be friends with them. For my system, we didn’t know of each other until we started talking about OSDD, but now I would consider most of us friends haha. Also, the first time that Daniel fronted was completely out of the blue. Granted, we didn’t know OSDD/DID at this point but there wasn’t even a slight sign that he was there haha. I would say that’s also fairly common. Maybe because they don’t want to talk to you, don’t need to talk to you, or are just too nervous to talk to you before hand.

Just normal dissociation could have caused the foggy memory about your profile, but the lack of sleep definitely didn’t help lol. When the brain is sleep deprived, it doesn’t have the energy to encode actions into memory like it normally. This is completely normal and happens all the time to people who are sleep deprived. However, dissociation (even without a switch) can also cause that weird “hazy” feeling. Because dissociation (without switches) normally causes a person to feel disconnected from themselves and from reality, it can cause processing of those memories to be a little wonky at times. In this state, you can still remember vaguely what happened, but may not recognize it as your own.

Also, you don’t have to worry about the length of your asks, Fox c: If you need more space to write then write your heart away. I’ll still give the same attention to your asks, regardless of length.

Stay safe xx

-Clover

[angelmichelangelo]

I get that feeling all the time. my relationship with the internet has changed since the start of the year and I fell out with a lot of people because of that, but I think it was a change for the better. I feel less anxious coming on here now because I'm not trying to impress anyone or cater to a specific person, I'm just being me. I know I'm still appreciated here even if I don't really have many friends here anymore, and that's okay. I still very much enjoy the community and supoorting all the content creators here without feeling pressure to make friends or be in a certain group of people, which also has to do with the vibe of tumblr phandom (for me) changing to be less cliquey? if that makes any sense? anyway sorry for rambling I hope you're doing okay ♡

oh god i get this 100% !! it’s one of the main reasons why i left twitter because sometimes it just feels like everyone around you has these big groups of friends and you’re just awkwardly walking around, holding up your posts hoping that maybe one of them will look and care 😅 which might come from some anxiety about high school because that’s exactly how i felt there like all the time lmao

and im gonna be really honest, since i left tumblr and came back, there’s people that haven’t spoken to me. people that stopped interacting with me and yknow what it’s fine because there are people here i do talk to still, it’s just a lot less. and i need to learn how to stop caring about those people, and care about me instead. because i come on here for my own fun (and for people like you, of course lol) and curating your own internet experience is so fucking important because a few months back when i was just. doing stuff for other people - people actually didn’t give a shit in the end lol - it really messed up my mental health, and it’s not worth it when i can easily delete the app and not get myself involved, yknow

but it’s nice, having this smaller circle. because i have friends like you! and that’s all i need to have a good time, but sadly my stupid ass brain just needs to be reminded of that sometimes. i’m someone who craves validation, i’m not gonna pretend i’m not, it’s just who i am, and when someone starts edging away from me, or suddenly decides they don’t like me after all, it hurts, because i put a lot of effort into being liked. which, idk, some people might think that’s sort of pathetic, but it’s just who i am, and something i definitely need to work on.

[adreamofspring-archive]

which stark sister interaction are you most looking forward to dany having next season? i'd love to see dany and arya bond but i'm actually more excited to see how dany and sansa interact. like i know it's gonna be frosty at first but i want to see what makes it thaw. they really have a lot in common

yeah daenerys and sansa have a lot in common! more than what people think! actually all three of them have a ton of parallels which I think is so fascinating?? we have these three main female characters who have literally just been given hard time after hard time and I can’t wait to see how they all interact w one another.

i kinda ramble so it’s under the cut lol

I’m personally more excited about arya and daenerys meeting, mostly because arya and dany are apart of my top five characters and because I think that they will hit it off immediately. I think that arya is going to 100% see behind jon and danys long ass eye sex and see how they interact w each other body language wise because she’s smart and has been trained to watch people, so that being said I think that she’s going to be cold but also warm to daenerys once she realizes that her and jon really love one another? does that make any sense? i don’t think she’s going to be like immediately accepting of her, she’ll probably warn her against hurting jon but after that i think that arya and dany will be good to go. 

 I would recommend you take a look at this post, because the OP has put together such an amazing list of parallels between all three girls but mostly arya and daenerys!

I’m gonna say this, I’m not the biggest sansa stan. I don’t dislike her, but I don’t love her as I do some of the other characters. that being said, I don’t know her personality and I’m not quite sure how she would react to dany! I think that both of them will be weary of one another, and rightfully so! I think that sansa will probably not believe that dany is here to help / loves jon and she will probably assume that dany is lying or something along those lines because if you think about it, nearly everytime someone has been ‘nice’ to sansa, it was all lies to further someone elses motive. cersei, petyr, margaery, everyone she’s admired (even for a short while) or anyone she cared for was basically using her, you know? so i don’t think it’s too crazy to assume she’d be more weary than arya.

I think that there might be a power struggle? if sansa is weary she might not address dany properly which could ruffle danys feathers lol. even tho jon, her king, has bent the knee to dany, that doesn’t really mean that she will accept it you know? I think that during the first few episodes she’ll be weary and maybe a bit cold but they’ll warm up to one another.

and i swear to god if D&D do what they did to sansa and arya in s7 to dany/arya/ sansa just for drama i will probbaly delete my account. that was so stupid and I just skip all the winterfell scenes because it was so out of character ugh. if they make all these girls enemies or have arya and dany fight over jon (i know they both love him but uh LOL if you think that these very feminist women are gonna fight over a man…. any man… LOL) i don’t know what i’ll do!

thankyou so much for sending this ask i literally love it when tall talk to me about anything and everything!