#I STILL think there way an old scene where a gay character pours a drink into the glass of the lead with the eyes and I CAN'T find it

[dragonmuse]

Is there any time line where Izzy left/got with someone else first? Or does he always stay with his first partner?

Loyalty is a huge part of his character, but I imagine there's probably been some scenarios that just played out differently.

(...this was supposed to be a short answer. I am incapable. This one isn't bulleted since I started it as an answer and then it dissolved into a story on it's own. Let's call this the 'just like a one-winged dove' timeline)

There is a timeline where Izzy leaves Eddy. It's extreme, but Izzy is still only human and Eddy was, in the early days especially, capable of such casual cruelty that it's possible it could happen.

It would have to be targeted. It couldn't just be physical because Izzy doesn't really care about his body in a meaningful way. It has to be something where Eddy just tears at the root of where Izzy's affection lives. If Eddy betrayed him, that would probably do it. Sold him out casually like it meant nothing and expected Izzy to forget it when he made it back.

He'd go to a rival first. Izzy does actually like his job, so he'd find someone set against Eddy, so they would know very deeply what they'd done. He'd try to ruin her, if he could. When that doesn't work (because Eddy is smarter, faster and sharper, just is what it is), he might finally free himself from the work too.

What does Izzy without work or purpose do? He doesn't stop to think much. He doesn't give himself the chance to let the idleness seep in. He'd leave the area. Move across the country, so he'd never even accidentally run into anyone from his old life. He'd find a job. Repairing motorcycles maybe, since he has the skill set and the willingness to get his hands dirty.

He'd have to sit with himself. With the anger, the grief, the bitterness. And he'd have a choice. Does he let it pickle inside of him and just stay where he is becoming an increasingly angry old man? Maybe.

But let's say he chooses the other road. Because the alternative is basically a living death and he doesn't actually want to die.

Maybe he starts small. Let's his co-workers invite him out for drinks sometimes. Talks to them about nothing shit, the same shit his high school friends used to bullshit about, but it's more comfortable now.

Maybe one of those guys has a friend. Big guy with scars and tattoos, who invites Izzy over for the game one night and they have a few beers a few laughs.

And the guy puts a hand on Izzy's shoulder and looks him in the eye. Listens to him. It's not a big deal. It's just a friend. The guy maybe used to run with a rough crowd. He knows what Izzy's wariness means, but never asks.

They stay friends even when Izzy changes jobs, finds a bigger garage that pays better. And at some point the guy, George maybe, George says to him 'I got invited to hang out at my brother's bar, you want to come?'

And Izzy knows vaguely that the brother is gay. That it's a gay bar. But George is solid and Izzy likes a drink. What's the harm? Who's left to judge him except himself?

It's a good bar too. There's no stage and no dance floor to speak of. A lot of the guys are wearing more leather than even Izzy and a few of them give him some looks that he could live without, but he's more comfortable there than he's been a lot of places. George's brother goes by Scout and he's a little smaller than George, but not by much.

Scout flirts with Izzy in a direct, kind way. Just gives him the eye, pours him a beer and asks him if he's ever been in a place like this before.

And Izzy means to reject him, nicer than he usually would because of George, but he can't quite bring himself there. He's tired, really and he's not sure what he's running from anymore

Scout has his number from day one. He's not interested in settling down, but he gives Izzy a good introduction to the scene. Teaches him the vocabulary and things to watch out for.

Thus let loose on the world, Izzy manages a few brief flings, but it's not his thing. It sits wrong in him. George teases him about being a swan, needing to mate for life. George is a bit of a playboy, always out with a new girl so often Izzy gave up keeping track of them.

Izzy buys a little house near the beach. It's in awful condition, but that gives him something to do on the weekends. He fixes it with a care he's never given anything before. He doesn't just put in new boards for the stairs, he rebuilds them and figures out how to carve the handrail with a swirly design. He sets in a new door and chooses one with a mosaic of different kinds of glass so the sun paints patterns on his floors.

He's never cared about having a place before. He's not sure he does now, but it's something to do, to think about. That's what he tells himself when sands down the floors and varnishes them a deep and warm brown. He doesn't think about how birds build beautiful nests as he rips out plumbing and puts it back together with an antique tub and a rain shower head. He doesn't think about another body, bigger maybe and with a grip like steel when he buys a heavy wrought iron headboard that twists around itself like the branches of a gnarled tree.

When he can't sleep (often), he walks down to the beach, takes off his shoes and treks down the sand. He lives in a place that's always at least warm if not soaking with heat now and it's good to feel the cool of the night on his feet, sometimes the cold lick of the water around his ankles.

He's out one night when he sees someone else sitting on the sand. It's not entirely unusual, even though it's going on 1am. Usually he and the other midnight walkers give each other a wide berth.

But this person is tucked up, knees under their chin, not walking. And once Izzy gets close enough, it's fairly clear that they're crying. All the more reason to turn around. To give them the space they probably want.

"You okay?" he asks gruffly as he gets near enough, but not too close. Just in case it's a ruse for a mugging or worse.

"Jesus!" The person jumped. "You scared the shit out of me. Where did you come from?"

Izzy pointed wordlessly up the beach. His house isn't visible from here, but it's still true.

"Right," they sucked in a deep breath and expelled it. "I don't have any money or anything."

"I'm not looking for any," Izzy scoffed. "Just out for a walk. Making sure you're not dying or something."

"I'm not," they say sourly and tip their head up. They're a guy, Izzy's pretty sure. Handsome one too with a shock of dark hair and an interesting jawline. "I just...you ever do something you knew was stupid and then get surprised that it turned out to be actually stupid."

"It's happened," Izzy agreed.

"I came out here with someone for a vacation and I knew they weren't serious about me. I'm not serious about them, but I thought maybe we could figure something out. Nope. Just got dumped on a moonlit romantic walk and he fucking took off with the hotel room key card and the rental car."

"What an asshole," he said venomously.

"Right? I mean. It's fine. I'll be fine. I've figured out worse. But shit. I just wanted to get away for a few days and maybe hit up a club and now I just have sand in my underwear and no place to sleep."

Izzy had a place. There was even a couch. A nice one. George had hectored him about not picking something shitty, so they'd maybe not spend every Friday night on George's shitty couch.

But Izzy wasn't the kind of person who invited a stranger to his house. He didn't have a single drop of the milk of human kindness in him.

Except...well fuck it was late, wasn't it? For a tourist, at 1am in a strange place with a broken heart? And who was he keeping the door locked against? No one had found him. As far as he knew, no one was looking. He was patrolling the border of a land no one could be bothered to invade.

"I've got a couch," he offered into the silence.

"Are you a serial killer?" the man asked dubiously.

"Not today," he snorted. "If I wanted to kill you, I wouldn't bother taking you home and getting evidence all over where I live. Just do it here and let the ocean take care of it."

"I want you to know that that is so much creepier than if you'd just said 'no'," the man heaved himself up on his feet. "But I'm really tired and thirsty, so if you throw a glass of water in, I'm in. I do have my phone and I will call for help if you're a weirdo. What's your name potential murderer?"

"Izzy," he said, amused despite himself. "You?"

"Lucius. How far a walk is it?"

"Mile or so."

"Yeah, that figures," Lucius sighed, but he kept up just fine.

Izzy always left the back porch light on when he went out. Partially because it's practical, partially because he likes the look of the yellow light beckoning in the dark.

"This is your place?" Lucius ran his hand over the carved banisters.

"Yeah." Izzy unlocked the door, flipping on the light in the kitchen as he walked inside.

"It's nice. Who designed the space?"

The kitchen gleamed under fresh attention. He'd done the room a lighter wood, trying to catch the sunlight that came in through the windows in the early morning.

"I made it," he shrugged. "I like working with wood."

"You...all of it?" Lucius touched the kitchen table that he'd accidentally stained a slate grey-blue and then decided he liked it enough to keep, then did the chairs to match.

"Took awhile, but yeah. All of it."

Lucius let the door close behind him. Izzy took down a glass and filled it with water, passing it to him.

"Thank you," he said with emphasis and drank it down in about three gulps.

In the light, it was clear that the guy had had a rough night. His clothes were wrinkled, sandy and twisted up. His eyes were red rimmed and his hair was a mess. Definitely not playing pretend to get something.

"I've got a t-shirt and some shorts if you want to wash your stuff," he offered.

"Uh, no offense, but I don't think we're the same size."

"Offense taken. It's my friend's shit, I've got eyes. Hold on."

So maybe Izzy and Scout still spent a night together here or there. As long as Izzy didn't ask for much, Scout was good about showing up and giving them both a memorable night. Came in handy now. They'd be about the same size.

The laundry room was off the kitchen, no big deal to grab the t-shirt and loose black shorts he'd laundered for Scout last time, with the intention of returning them whenever they saw each other again. Could be weeks.

When he stepped back into the kitchen, Lucius had taken a seat at the table, slumped over it, head in his hands.

"Here," Izzy set the clothes at his elbow. "Bathroom is upstairs. I'll stay down here."

Lucius just nodded, quietly took the clothes and disappeared upstairs.

Jangling with uncertainty, Izzy cut up some fruit and stuck it in a bowl. Guy could probably use a snack. He refilled Lucius' water glass too and set both of them on the end table by the couch. Belatedly, he realized it needed it's blanket and pillow. George sometimes sacked out here when he had an extra beer too close to the end of the game. Izzy flung them both down just in time for Lucius to come back down the stairs. His legs were longer than Scout's, strong calves carving through dark hair.

"Thanks," Lucius croaked. "I....just thanks."

"Yeah," Izzy cleared his throat. "I'm....bed. It's late. I can drive you wherever you need to go in the morning. Don't have work until noon."

"Okay," Lucius watched him warily which Izzy could only approve of. "I appreciate that."

"Good night," Izzy sidled past him and then was up the stairs and closing the bedroom door firmly behind him.

He surprised himself by sleeping. In the morning, he crept down with the dawn like he usually did and kept things quiet as he brewed coffee. The smell must've roused Lucius because he shuffled in, looking even more disheveled, but at least no longer puffy eyed.

"Want?" Izzy gestured at the coffee pot and Lucius nodded vigorously.

Izzy always drank his coffee on the back porch. He hadn't gotten chairs for there yet, just sat on the steps, but Lucius didn't seem to find that odd and just sat down beside him, clutching the heavy clay mug in his hands. There was an artisan's market in town once a month and the weight of the blue thick clay had appealed to Izzy tremendously. You could kill someone with one of those mugs or just keep your coffee hot.

"Your accent," Lucius said after a fifth or sixth sip. "It's not from around here."

"No," he agreed. "Probably both from the same place, if I had to guess."

"Why'd you leave?"

Izzy snorted, "Why didn't I? Life just fell apart."

"Break up?"

It hadn't been and it had been, but what was the point in splitting hairs with a stranger? "Yeah."

"Yeah," Lucius pressed the mug to his forehead like he was trying to leech heat from it. "I can't thank you enough for last night."

"I'm thanked," he shook his head.

"Okay," Lucius said easily. "So if I ask if you want to have sex, then let's say it's not out of gratitude. Just that you're very hot."

"You proposition every rough looking guy you meet?" Izzy asked, eyes wide.

"Just the ones that hand me t-shirts advertising leather bars, actually."

"...goddammit," he hadn't realized it was Scout's work shirt. With a very suggestive sketch of a guy in a harness.

"So is that a no?" Lucius lowered the mug so he could give him his own suggestive sketch of a look.

"Yeah, fuck, why not," Izzy decided.

The sex was fucking spectacular once Lucius figured out what was what. Izzy melted into the sheets afterwards, fairly sure that karma was real because he'd just been paid back double the small effort it had cost him not to leave Lucius on the beach.

"Wow," Lucius offered, sitting back on his heels. "you're amazing."

"So are you," Izzy said as enthusiastically as he could without moving.

"Wild idea," Lucius traced a finger down Izzy's leg. "What if I get my stuff back from that douchebag and spend the last two days of my vacation here? I know you've got work and a life, but I was mostly hoping to be near the ocean and chill the hell out. I won't be a bother."

Two more days of that?

"We can do that."

Lucius was good on his word too. He didn't interfere with Izzy's schedule beyond what Izzy gave him. They had a truly absurd amount of sex crammed into such a small time period. And maybe Izzy called out for his morning shift after the second night so they could have a last slice of time together before Lucius needed to go to the airport.

"Hey," Lucius said after a last kiss, the Uber waiting for him outside. "Can I write you?"

"Like actual letters?"

"Yes."

"...yeah all right."

It's strange to get mail like that. The first time he received one of Lucius' letters, he was shocked it had come at all, having already written it off. Lucius was young, he kept reminding himself, just 25 and by his own admission, liked playing the field. Why would he bother keeping in contact with a vacation fling with twenty years and a pound of scars on him?

But Lucius did write. The letters were long too. Full of thoughts and doodles. Like Izzy was a kind of diary, except that they had a lot of questions too. Some of them sexy, but a lot of them just about life or work. When Lucius got a boyfriend, he'd tell Izzy about him with a wry distrust that Izzy always affirmed.

Because Izzy wrote back. He'd always liked writing things out and it was easy when Lucius gave him all these things to answer. And Izzy had questions of his own, things like what kind of paintings would look right in the hall or how to approach the only woman at work, who was clearly sick of everyone else being dickheads, but had really cool tattoos and Izzy wanted to ask who the artist was. Lucius gave advice and laughed at him which somehow came through in the way he wrote a sentence.

And then one day, a phone call. They did those too. More infrequently, but Izzy could admit that he preferred to hear Lucius' voice. The sarcastic affection that dug into Izzy's bones.

"Hey," Lucius sighed heavily. "So I broke up with Garrett."

"Mazel tov," Izzy said dryly.

"Yeah, yeah, you were right, I was wrong, but now I'm stuck in this shithole apartment with him and I'm pretty sure he's dealing drugs."

"So find another shithole," Izzy suggested. "Big city."

"I can. I will, but...wild idea..."

"You're always welcome here," he said softly, so softly.

"Just for a week or so," Lucius said quickly. "Just to catch my breath."

Izzy had to work the day Lucius came in, so when he came home, it was to his house lit up, the pretty glass on the door sparkling. And there was Lucius on the couch, a year older, but looking much the same.

"Hey," Lucius smiled broadly at him. "Welcome home."

Izzy kissed him and Lucius pulled him down onto the couch.

That week, Lucius met George and Izzy braced for some weirdness, but Lucius made George laugh right off the bat and then teased him for things that Izzy had told him about. Nothing deep or scary, just gentle ribbing and George returned the favor. Like they already knew each other.

Izzy took Lucius to his usual spaces, the farmer's market, Scout's bar, the single restaurant in town that served exclusively fresh caught fish that had proved trustworthy. Lucius convinced him to go to a museum a half hour away and it was nice, actually. Interesting.

A week passed. Then another. Lucius washed everything he brought, folded it and put it back in his suitcase and still didn't talk about leaving.

On the third week, Izzy made dinner, put a plate in front of him and said,

"Wild idea."

"Shoot," Lucius glanced up at him.

"You can stay here. With me. If you want."

"I've got...I mean my mom." Lucius frowned. "And I have this interview at a bar next week. Weird dude actually. Probably sketchy."

"All right," he nodded. "I get it. Your life is there."

Lucius looked down at the plate, speared a piece of broccoli. "I don't know if that's true, actually."

Izzy didn't say 'it could be here' because what did he have to offer to replace an entire city, a mother, a potential job? Just his house and his shabby secondhand heart.

Yet, the next morning, still in bed, Lucius asked,

"Were you serious?"

"Yeah."

"And if I go out and meet other people....because I will, you'll be okay with that?"

"Will you come home to me?" Izzy asked.

"Yes," Lucius said without hesitation.

"Then all right."

Lucius never went back. He had a friend pack up the things he wanted from his apartment and ship them across the country. When they arrived, they made a quiet afternoon of making space in the house for all of it. A section of the closet, a shelf in the bathroom, a side of the bed.

One afternoon, when Izzy came home from work, Lucius was sitting on the stairs, nothing at all in his hands. Like he'd been coming down to get something then stopped and sat.

"You good?" Izzy asked.

"I was watching the light come through the glass," he smiled faintly. "It's silly, but I was thinking how...I don't know. You don't seem to like things like that and I love them. What made you pick it?"

Izzy turned to face his own front door. The mosaic of glass that broke light into rainbows across his floors.

"Don't laugh," he begged and Lucius gave a short nod. "I think....I think I picked it because I wanted someone to ask me that. To want to come in and stay here."

"It worked," Lucius reached out a hand to him and Izzy took it, let himself to be drawn onto the stairs. To sit next to him and admire the sunlight filter through motes of dust.

At six months, Izzy made Lucius a desk and slotted it under a window in the tiny, unused second bedroom. It overlooked the water and didn't really need additional decoration, but Izzy found a seaglass mobile that would spread color in every direction at the right time of day an hung it in the corner anyway.

"I love it!" Lucius said delighted when it was revealed to him. He'd tried to get a job when it was clear he was staying, but Izzy had finally caved and shown him the bank statements, the money left over from his old life that he'd carefully invested.

"Just do your art," he'd said and Lucius hadn't argued after that. And now he had a space to do it.

"I'm so glad that douchebag broke up with me," Lucius declared and turned to face Izzy with a wide smile on his face. "And that you found me."

"I love you," Izzy told him, and it wasn't raw or painful to say. It didn't hurt to love Lucius. It was as easy as breathing. It was light caught in glass.

Lucius kissed him, pressing him to the door frame. "Love you too."

And they stayed there through many years, trials and tribulations, but mostly just in love, in that house by the sea.

[gashinabts]

philophobia|(m)

Words: 7.4k

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Mature

Summary: Taehyung, a man, who swears he’ll never fall in love meets Y/N a hopeless romantic.

Warnings: Teasing, spitting, oral (f/receiving), fingering, pussy slapping, pussy sniffing ( lmao idk if thats a thing?), squirting, sexual intercourse, mention of homophobia. Topics of child neglecting, if this makes you uncomfortable pls don’t read :) minor character death

A/N: Taehyung is a bisexual king! Tell me what you peeps think, remember that comments motivate me to continue writing!!! This is my work, no reposting this and my other works on any other platforms.

Kim Taehyung was born December 30, 1995 his father left him when he was 11 years old that is when Taehyung realized that love never lasts. His mother pretended that his father never existed, she quickly hid the family photos away, along with covering his tomato garden with dirt. Taehyung wanted to ask where he went but stopped wondering when he heard a few of his classmates whispering that Taehyung’s dad left them for a young woman in her twenties. 

As Taehyung grew into his teenage years he would often get asked out by his classmates, he wouldn’t decline, accepting the dates to see if he can ever fall foolishly in love like his Mom once did. However, nothing ever happened, he would kiss them goodnight but won’t call them the next day. In high school he lost his virginity at a party, he wasn’t nervous, just did things he’s seen in filthy pornorgraphy. The very next day the girl spread the rumor that Taehyung was a sex god, that he probably had sex everyday with a different people. Was that a compliment? He remembered thinking to himself as he sat in the back of the classroom, feeling people secretly stare at him. 

That day he met Jimin. Jimin was a popular boy that everyone swoon over. Of course he had a girlfriend, they have been dating since middle school. The guys would gawk at her when she would wear a sports bra to track practice. Taehyung was in art class sketching an apple, Jimin came over and talked to him as if they were friends. It was nice, Taehyung listened to Jimin complain about his art. When class was over, Jimin asked Taehyung to hang out with him after school. When Taehyung sat on Jimin’s bed, he looked over on the desk and saw a picture of Jimin and his girlfriend. Right next to it was a picture of what he assumed was Jimin’s family. A Mom, Dad, an older brother, and Jimin. He turned his gaze back to Jimin...who was undressing in front of him. Jimin’s underwear was the only thing on, Taehyung didn’t expect him to have lean muscles and define abs. An hour later  they were both breathless, exhausted from the sex. 

“ I’m not gay.” Jimin tells Taehyung as he cleans himself with a rag. 

“ Okay.” Taehyung shrugs and pulls his pants up. He’s watched gay porn and straight porn before and got turned on by both of them, so it doesn’t come to much of a surprise that he enjoyed the sex with Jimin. 

*******

Taehyung watches from afar when Jimin kisses his girlfriend in the school halls, wondering if that’s love. The next few months, Taehyung and Jimin fool around more. Jimin would call Taehyung over, then they would fuck and they would both be on their way. There were never conversations or pillow talks, until right now.

“ I’m gay.” Jimin confesses to Taehyung. 

“Cool.” Taehyung shrugs, looking for his shoes. 

“ That’s all your gonna say?” Jimin rolls his eyes grabbing his t-shirt wiping the come on his stomach. 

“ I’m bisexual, happy?” Taehyung looks at his phone and notices a missed call from his mother. He tucks his phone away, “ Why are you still with her? Your girlfriend.” He finally asks the question he’s been meaning to ask since the beginning.

“ I love her and I don’t want to hurt her, but I can’t love her like that.” Jimin looks at the picture of them and flips it down, almost ashamed of how much of a coward he is. “ Plus my Dad would kill me if I told him I like men.” He throws his head back looking at the ceiling not wanting to cry his eyes out. 

Taehyung thinks love is complicated, he thinks people who are in love are selfish. They rather hurt themselves for the sake of love. It’s stupid he wants to tell Jimin that but he keeps quiet until Jimin looks at him with tears eyes. “ I don’t know what to say…”

“It’s fine...you don’t have to say anything just keep me company, yeah?” 

“ Okay,” Taehyung sits back on the bed watching but not really watching tv with Jimin. 

---

Taehyung’s mom was proud of him when he got accepted to a good college, she would brag to her friends and show pictures of his acceptance letters. Along with bragging how she raised Taehyung all by herself. Taehyung didn’t mind that he was in the spotlight, whatever made his mom happy he would comply with whatever she does. He was good with numbers so he was going to major in data analysis, he really wanted to major in art but his mom laughed in his face, telling him to be realistic. 

Taehyung is now in his third year of college, wanting to just graduate already, done with the shitload of classwork and long ass lectures. Just right now he just finished his homework that took him three hours. He’s about to call it a night until Jungkook barges in his room, yelling at him to get dressed for a party. Taehyung switches his dirty hoodie with a clean hoodie, opting out grey sweatpants with jeans. He keeps his glasses on, due to his eyes being tired and not wanting to irritate them with contacts. 

Jungkook hands Taehyung a drink, there’s obscene music, blunts being handed around, and people grinding on each other. “ When’s the last time you got laid?” Jungkook asked, as he took a gulp of his beer.

“ Last week...I think.” Taehyung searches through his mental sex list, but can’t seem to remember the girls face or name. He looks around and watches a couple argue with each other. The man rolls his eyes as the woman tries not to cry, the woman ends up leaving him and going upstairs.

“ Damn, lucky. I tried to hook up with this girl and she ended up leaving me hanging. Claimed that she’s not over her boyfriend, started crying on me when I was going down on her.” Jungkook cringes, sipping more alcohol. “ Be my wingman, yeah?” 

“ Sure,” Taehyung nods. Jungkook is talking to this pretty girl, and she laughs at every joke that Jungkook makes. Taehyung wasn’t even sure why he asked him to his wingman when Jungkook can easily get a girl to bed. Jungkook nods absentmindedly when Taehyung excuses himself, he wanders around the frat house looking at people getting wasted. Once he gets tired of it he goes upstairs, hoping to find solace in an empty room. He opens a bedroom door, and notices a girl with a pencil and notebook. “ My bad-,” Taehyung is about to close the door.

You look up from your sketchpad, you see a tall man with messy curls and glasses. “ You can stay,” you observe him, he looks like he was forced to come here. There’s no red solo cup in his hand, he looks like he hasn’t a good night's rest. Also why else would he look mindlessly into rooms, the bathroom doors have a handwritten sign stating ‘BATHROOM’, so he must be bored or something searching into bedrooms. “ Or don’t. I don’t care.” You watch him close the door, entering the room.

“ Is this your room?” Taehyung looks around the room, noticing posters of naked women and marvel posters. Weird combination he notes. Along with the dirty clothes scattered all over the floor. 

“ No,” you laugh. Shutting your notebook close, taking notice of his nice hands brushing his hair back. “ My friend’s room. I didn’t really feel like partying just decided to sketch,” you lift your pad up. He nods and sits on the bed.

“ Can I draw?” Taehyung points towards the sketchpad. He hasn’t drawn in months too busy in his schoolwork, his fingers would sometimes draw on foggy windows but nothing more. You nod tearing a piece of paper out and handing him a pencil, he thanks you. 

You were sneakily glancing at him, sketching him, his angular jaw, messing hair, uneven eyelid, long eyelashes. Getting lost at his elegant features, wondering if he knows how beautiful he looks. You shake your head for easily fawning over this man. His hands are even beautiful, they travel across the paper gracefully with each stroke. You turn your eyes away when he makes eye contact with you, cheeks getting warm. “ What’s your name?” You ask while shading the contours of his cheeks.

“ Taehyung.” He folded his paper into a small square, putting it into his pocket. “ Yours?”

“ Y/N,” you smile.

---

“ Did you get laid yesterday night?” Jungkook is shirtless with scratch marks behind his back, there’s a couple of hickies on his neck.

Taehyung takes a sip of his tea before answering, “No, just talking to some girl. Her name is Y/N.” 

“ Y/N. She’s a nice girl. One time I forgot a scantron for class and she gave me one. She’s also friends with Namjoon.” Jungkook pours himself coffee sitting next to Taehyung. “ Are you interested in her?”

Taehyung would be lying if said he wasn’t interested in you. When he entered the room he thought you were pretty and had a kind smile. “ Maybe...why?” 

“ It’s best if you don’t try to get at her. Y/N looks the type to fall in love easily.” Jungkook sighs cracking his back on the back of the chair, groaning at his achy body. Taehyung wonders how can someone fall in love easily, he’s not one to believe in love at first sight or any kind of stuff in that realm. “ Alright, I’m gonna take a quick shower and then we can leave.” 

Taehyung and Jungkook are at the library studying or trying to study, Jungkook is texting someone the whole time instead of studying for his macroeconimics test. While Taehyung is playing video games on his phone. “ Hey guys! Didn’t know you actually study Jungkook,” Namjoon jokes, ruffling Jungkook’s hair. Jungkook rolls his eyes pushing his hand off his head mumbling curse words at him. Taehyung looks to the side of Namjoon and notices you laughing as the scene unfolds. You’re carrying ice americanos and Jungkook immediately takes it out of the carrier, thanking you. 

You look at Taehyung placing one in front of him, “ I didn’t know what kind of coffee you liked.” Taehyung is wearing similar clothing to what he wore at the party, mostly muted green colors and his circle glasses, his hair is pushed back with a headband. He looks surprised to see you, but nevertheless thanks you for the coffee. The conversations between Jungkook and Namjoon get more serious when they finally decide to study for their materials. You try to study but you want to talk to Taehyung wanting to get to know him more, you nudge your foot against his leg. He looks up, looking at you in question, you nod your head towards the exit entrance, he nods slowly unsure to what you're up to but following your lead. Jungkook and Namjoon are too invested in their studying to see you and Taehyung leave. “ Do you wanna go to my apartment?”

“ Sure,” Taehyung shrugs. The apartment was small and kind of messy, you try to hurry up and toss some of the paintbrushes in the sink. There’s water cups filled with murky colors, and paint marks on the tables, he’s not used to a sight like this. In his apartment it is always clean and tidy, not a dirty plate in sight. “ You live by yourself?” he asked, placing his stuff on the table. 

“ Yeah, my roommate moved four months ago with her boyfriend.” You give up cleaning the mess since there’s too much to clean. “ Want some-” You are interrupted when you feel Taehyung’s lips on your, your hands push his chest flustered at the sudden kiss.

“ I-I- sorry...I must have read something wrong,” he looks embarrassed immediately backing up giving you space. “ I thought you invited me to your apartment for sex.” Taehyung notices how your eyes widen, fuck he feels like an ass, scared that he made you uncomfortable. “ I should go…” he goes to pick up his bags ready to bolt out.

“ I just wanted to talk...to get to know you better,” you speak before his hands grab the doorknob. “ We can paint and talk, if that's okay with you?” 

“ Are you sure? You don’t want me to leave?” 

“ Stay.” You go to the sink to wash your dirty brushes. 

Taehyung sits down looking at the wall, notices a canvas of a man, he has plump lips, gentle eyes, overall he is beautiful, something that seemed out of this world. Maybe it was the way it was painted that made it appear like that. “ You painted that?” Taehyung speaks shifting his gaze to you.

You look at where Taehyung was pointing at, it was the painting of your ex boyfriend, “ Yeah, that’s my ex boyfriend, Seokjin. The professor told us to paint the definition of love…,” you stare at Seokjin’s face, remembering the memories you shared. The brushes are all cleaned and you set them down, grabbing some water colors that are in the cabinet. 

“ Do you still love him?” Taehyung curiously asked, watching carefully at your reaction.

There’s a slight pain of thinking about him, truly not over his death. “ Yeah I’ll always have love for him…” 

Taehyung wants to ask more about him but doesn’t want to intrude, he doesn’t say anything else but paints. This is when Taehyung feels like he’s truly being himself painting, expressing himself without saying anything. Moments like these wish Taehyung would’ve chosen doing what he has a passion for insteading appealing to his mothers standards. 

“ Why are you a data analysis major?” The artwork he is doing is remarkable, there’s dark undertones and eerie about it but it is beautiful something that you have to keep staring at.

He chuckles, “ Because I need to eat.” You look down feeling a little insulted he must've noticed since he immediately apologizes. 

“ It’s okay. You know if you ever want to relax and paint, you can come here,” you continue painting small flowers. The first time, he smiles and nods his head.

---

5 months later

This is the third flower shop visited and he’s getting more tired with each second. “ This arrangement or this one?” You ask Taehyung, as you hold two bouquets. One was more filled with carnations and the other was filled with lilies. He gives it some thought before pointing at the carnations. “ This would be pretty to paint,” you smell it getting happy inside.

“ Finally, when can we eat...I didn't eat anything this morning,” his stomach growls at the thought of food. He’s still carrying the vases you bought at the thrift shop, you had to plead with you to not buy another antique mirror because he knows he would have to carry it to the apartment.

You gave the cashier the money, as he wraps the flowers in newspaper, turning your head you look at Taehyung, “ Why did you come with me if you were going to complain the whole time?” You laugh at his scrunched nose as you pinch it. The flowers are handed back and you thank the cashier, leaving with Taehyung.

“ Because I wanted to,” Taehyung shrugs. In your apartment he puts the flowers away as you cook him food, he always enjoys your cooking. When he was younger all he ever ate was ramen, never really ate some home cooked meals, his mother was always busy working trying to financially support the family so he never once asked his mom for dinner. Even at his own apartment he doesn’t eat Jungkook’s food since he doesn’t know how to cook either. Sometimes when he’s hungry he’ll just come to your apartment and you’ll be more than happy to cook for him.

When Taehyung enters his apartment Jungkook is watching anime, foot propped on the table and sipping some beer. “ Back from your girlfriends’ so soon?” 

“ Not my girlfriend but yeah, I left my schoolwork here so I had to come back,” he sighs. Taehyung doesn’t get mad when Jungkook teases him about you being his girlfriend, but he sometimes gets annoyed. He likes the friendship between the two of you, it’s different from any other friendships he had in the past. “ Tomorrow night the apartment is mine. This guy wants to hangout with me.”

“ Just say he wants to fuck you,” Jungkook yells as Taehyung closes his bedroom door. 

---

You meet Taehyung at the park with some bread, he hugs you and asks about your day. “ It was okay. Had lunch with my Dad, but it always ends up in some lecture. I swear, sometimes it feels like I’m fifteen or something,” you tear a piece of bread throwing it into the pond watching some ducks gobble it. You try to look at Taehyung but it hurts when you see some hickies on his neck. On the day you were about to confess your feelings to Taehyung you asked him if he ever loved someone, he laughed and said that he doesn’t believe in no such thing as love. As much as you wanted to disapprove of that idea, you couldn’t be the one to change it.

He grabs some bread, chucking some pieces out, “ What was the argument?”

You laugh thinking about your Dad’s red face, “ I invited him to my apartment, and he found the blunt we smoked together in the ashtray.”

“ Shit, I should’ve thrown it away,” Taehyung laughs too, pushing some of his hair back. 

“ Just glad he didn’t find any of my sex toys,” you cringe just thinking about it. You feel something tugging the end of your skirt, looking down you see a toddler smiling cheekily pointing at the bread. You smile, “ Here, have fun,” you hand him the rest of your bread. You watch him wobble as he runs to his mother throwing the whole slice in the water. 

“ Sex toys?” Taehyung asked once the child was out of sight. “ Like what?,” Taehyung is interested, he doesn’t know, maybe because he can’t imagine you using them. Or he wants to know how you use it. There were times when Taehyung wanted to have sex with you but he turned those urges off. He doesn’t want to give you mixed signals remembering Jungkook’s words of advice. “ Never-”

“ A dildo, vibrator, hitachi wand, or even my favorite pillow,” you trail off not thinking much until you realize who you are confessing to. “ I-I uh…”

“ How often?,” Taehyung asked quietly, not wanting any other people hearing the conversation. He shouldn’t get turned on but he is.

Something about Taehyung’s deep quiet voice is making you squeeze your thighs, “ Every night…” You're still looking at the pond, watching the ripples that are caused by the ducks swimming away. You can feel Taehyung's stare but you ignore it. The conversation switches to another topic when you talk about your school work. The sun sets and you both part ways.

The sound of tea kettle wakes you up from your concentration of you sketching, sighing you pour yourself the tea. Looking at your art, you turn it over not wanting to see Taehyung’s face right now. But fate has different plans when you hear knocking on the door, Taehyung appears, he lets himself in and is close to your face.

“ Taehyung?” You’re puzzled at his frazzled state, deeply staring into your eyes. 

“ Can I kiss you?” The words are quiet but firm. Stupidly you nod, not caring about any consequences. His hands cup your face, immediately going into the kiss. The kisses get deeper, his hands travel to your hips bringing you closer to him quickly, you lose friction from the fluffy socks you're wearing causing you to slip, immediately grabbing Taehyung as you fall backwards. His hands are quick to save himself from not falling onto you. There’s a slight pain on your tailbone but is immediately forgotten when Taehyung goes back to kissing you.

The big t-shirt you are wearing is tossed, his hands immediately fondle your breast, his lips leaving kisses on your neck, groaning as he pushes his bulge against your clothed core. “ Taehyung...let me touch you,” you moan when he bites your neck. He pulls back, pecking your lips before taking off his clothes. Your hands trail against his chest, his stomach, towards his pelvic, trying to remember every part of him. He is surprised to have you touching him like he was some marvel statue, usually his past hookups just rush into the sex. It’s very intimate and he doesn’t know how to feel about it.

 Taehyung groans when you touch his dick, he’s hard and wants to be inside of you already. He comes down kissing you, his hands get rid of your panties, fingers spreading your wetness. The moans you let out are turning him on even more, he stretches you out with his fingers. He likes the way your eyes flutter, the shape of your lips tremble, along with your chest inhaling and exhaling deeply. “ You are so pretty,” he doesn’t mean to say it loudly but he does. There’s a blush that blooms on your cheeks, it reminds him of the flowers you would get to study paint.

“ Taehyung,” you moan slightly flustered at his compliment. He reaches for his pants grabbing a condom. “ You don’t want to go to the bedroom?” The floor is still cold against your back, and the last time you cleaned the floor was days ago. 

Taehyung shakes head, already putting on the condom not wanting to waste time, “ Too far,” he smiles when you laugh. He enters you feeling you clench tightly around, he moans digging his head into your neck. “ You are so tight,” he groans. “ Feels so fucking good, having you like this,” he confesses.

You moan loudly, his thick cock streching “ Oh fuck, Taehyung, please just fuck me,” your hands go to his waist urging him to move. He listens to your command, thrusting slowly trying to get deep as he can. Maybe if you can close your eyes you can pretend that he’s in love with you. He goes faster and cries at the pace he’s going, the pleasure is overwhelming, something that you can’t get with your own hands. “ I’m close already,” your hand goes to tug at his wavy hair.

“ Me too,” his voice is deeper. His hand travels down to your pussy searching for your clit and rubbing it. “ Come for me,” he says into your ear. You moan his name loudly, cumming around his cock, scratching his back. The sight of you creaming around him makes him immediately come, he searches for your lips, moaning your name in the kiss. The two of you lay in the afterglow of the sex, panting loudly his body is barely being hold up, and you laying on the hard floor.

Taehyung gets up throwing his condom away, he looks at you still laying on the floor with your eyes close, the realization of him having sex with you just popped up. He hurriedly gets dressed, then helps you get dressed, he gets shocked when you kiss him as a thank you. The next morning Taehyung wakes up early, making sure to leave quietly, not wanting to disrupt your sleep.

---

You weren’t going to lie, it kind of hurt not waking up beside Taehyung but you shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up. Namjoon invites you to a kick back, only inviting a few people to his house to chill and drink. You take solace on the couch, watching people get high and drunk, you weren’t in the mood to do either so you make conversation with a slightly high Hoseok. He’s in mid-discussion about Shrek being a cinematic masterpiece, when Jungkook yells from the door entrance that he has Taco Bell. Taehyung is beside him wearing all black beanie, crewneck, and sweatpants, but still looks better than half of the people here.

 You turn your gaze back to Hoseok who’s left walking towards Jungkook immediately grabbing a taco. Sighing you decide to get fresh air, staring at the tall dark buildings. “ Whatcha you doing here by yourself? It’s fucking freezing,” Taehyung speaks out closing the slider door standing by you. He takes off his vape pen inhaling it.

“ Wanted fresh air,” you shrug, still staring at the buildings. “ Hoseok left me for tacos. He was onto something, saying that Shrek is a masterpiece. Who knows maybe he’ll write his thesis about it.” Taehyung chuckles, he keeps looking at you and you finally stare at him. “ Why’d you kiss me yesterday?”

He blows out the smoke, and puts his pen away, “ Cuz I wanted to,” he shrugs not thinking much about it. 

“ Nothing else?” You arch your eyebrow.

He continues to stare into your eyes “ Nope,” he shakes his head.  

Some part of you wanted him to say that he had feelings for you but in the back of your mind you knew that wasn’t going to happen. You smile pushing his chest, “ Well that’s the last time we are ever going to do anything like that.” The both of you know that is a lie.

---

For the next couple of months you and Taehyung continue sleeping with each other.

When you are studying with Namjoon in the library, Jungkook and Taehyung spontaneously show up, causing Namjoon to groan. “ You know you love me,” Jungkook jokingly says sitting next to him. 

Taehyung sits down next to you, looking at your classwork, “ How long have you been studying,” he whispers. 

You turn to look at the time of your phone, “ Like four hours,” you sigh. He hands you a jolly rancher, you immediately put in your mouth. “ Why are you here? You texted me that you were going to take a fat ass nap?”

“ I wanted to see you, kind of missed you,” he lays his head against the table. His eyes close when you brush his soft hair. 

“ I’ll be done in forty minutes.” He lets off a quiet okay continuing to look at you doing your work. 

Taehyung wakes up to you caressing his cheek, his neck is in pain from the awkward position he slept in. “ Where did Jungkook and Namjoon go?,” he looks at the empty seats. He tries to crack his neck and watches you pack your stuff.

“ They left about twenty minutes ago,” you get up stretching your legs. “ Let’s head home. We still have left over pizza,” you groan at the pain on your lower back. 

For some odd reason Taehyung liked hearing you say home, there’s some comfort it gives him but he never says it out loud. Taehyung grabs your backpack, holding it for you as you walk towards your car. You look in the fridge for the pizza, but Taehyung has other plans when he closes the fridge door, pinning you against it kissing you feverishly, his tongue already begging for entrance. Laughing you push him away, “ What’s gotten into you?”

“ I told you...I miss you,” his hands are on your waist. He kisses you again, picking you up easily and placing you on the kitchen table. He takes off your pants and panties, and you reach for his pants but he stops you forcing you to lie completely on the table. “ Look at you, laying so pretty on the table,” he bends down kissing you on your lips before he goes down on you. 

He licks your cunt, gently prodding his tongue up and down. Your hips move frantically wanting to feel more of him. His rough hands pin your hips, and he continues with his teasing, lightly kissing your clit before touring you with his slow pace.  “ Look at your pussy, it looks like the roses you painted yesterday…,” his finger goes up and down your folds.

The words make your cheeks grow hot, “ No it doesn’t,” you get shy shaking your head. The embarrassment fills your body, for maybe shamelessly liking his compliment. You are probably never going to look at roses the same way ever again.

“ Yeah, it does Y/N, but your pussy is more pretty,” he continues to tease you. Wanting to see you get more flustered, he likes it when you do it gets him more turned on. “ I wonder if it smells like roses too,” he’s about to smell your pussy but you hold his head. He watches you cutely shake your head. 

Taehyung is filthy but it makes you get even more aroused. “ It won’t,” you whisper, wanting to cry but he shakes his kissing the inside of your thigh to try to comfort you. 

He smells your pussy and he groans, your heart thumps faster and nervous for what's about to say, “ It smells better,” he kisses your clit. His tongue keeps tracing your folds gently wanting to make you beg for more. The movement of his tongue makes you want to pull your own hair out. The pleasure is barely there but it grows within each second of his tongue flicking up and down.

“ Taehyung,” you let out desperate whine, “ please, I need more.” One of his hands slap your cunt, and your back arches surprise but even more turned on. You never knew that you were into that. The sting hurts at first but shoots up ecstasy after a nanosecond, you can’t help but seek more. “ More!” 

Taehyung lets out a dark chuckle, he gives you another slap, slightly harder on the center of your clit, the stinging making your face scrunch up but letting out a lewd moan. He groans at your wetness seeping out some of it landing on the table.

Suddenly, he is done with all the teasing, and dives in, nose touching your clit and tongue inside your entrance going in and out. Finding it extremely hot that you are riding his face, like the pillow on your bed. Taehyung vividly remembers when you showed him how you ride your pillow last week. The way you desperately let out cute whines trying so hard to relieve yourself as Taehyung only watched, wanting to see you get off without his help. 

He moves his face side to side so his nose can rub your clit. Head in the clouds, your body is floating with ecstasy wanting to stay in it forever. Your hands reach down trying to anchor yourself, Taehyung reaches for your hand holding it tight. You cry out his name loudly, coming intensely, your eyes are shut when it doesn’t seem to stop. Your body finally calms down, looking down you see Taehyung’s face is completely wet. “ Oh my god, did I-

“ Fuck, that was hot,” Taehyung wipes his face with the back his arm. He kisses your lips, he helps you from the table, handing you your panties. 

“ Let me repay you?,” you tug at his belt loop, you look down to see the bulge is gone and there’s a wet stain. Your eyes widen, “ Did you come?”

“ Yeah, you squirting on me, made me bust a nut. I swore I never came that hard either,” he sighs happily. Laughing you go towards the fridge, finally eating the cold pizza. You hand him one and he eats it in two bites. “ My mom called me today…”

Taehyung hardly talks about his family, you only know that he was raised only by his mother. He never talked bad about her but you can tell that they didn’t have a close  relationship. “ What happened?” You and Taehyung move so you're sitting on the couch.

“ She told me that my father wanted to meet up with me,” Taehyung rolls his eyes. “ Told her that I don’t want to. She started crying and telling me that he’s my father...I sometimes think she’s still in love with him. She’s an idiot.” He lays his back staring at the ceiling.

“ Sometimes it’s hard to get over someone that you once loved. The one you shared your laughs, arguments, touches, memories...vanish into thin air... or you could hold onto it. Love isn’t easy...it’s messy, it’s confusing but it’s beautiful being able to share it with someone. Don’t you think?” You look at Taehyung’s side profile.

Taehyung turns his head looking at you, “ I don’t know...I will never fall in love. I don’t want to end up like my parents,” he closes his eyes.

“ Taehyung-“

He opens his eyes smiling, grabbing your hands, “ Let’s head to bed,” already over the conversation. 

---

Jungkook is cooking breakfast and almost burns his hand when a random girl walks out of Taehyung’s room. Immediately she exits their apartment, doing the walk of shame. Taehyung walks out shirtless with hickies on his chest and dishevelled hair. Jungkook clears his throat, “ Thought you were seeing Y/N,” he turns off the stove.

Taehyung grabs a glass of water, “ We are just friends,” he takes several gulps.

Jungkook scoffs rolling his eyes at his friend’s stupidity, “ Yeah, friends who have sex, hold hands, and almost spend every night together. My bad I forgot they changed the definition of ‘friends’ in the Webster dictionary.”

“ Whatever man...I'm out of here,” Taehyung leaves the kitchen going to his room. He looks at himself in the mirror, disgusted at his appearance, at the splotchy marks on his neck. Why am I like this? Taehyung leaves his apartment ignoring Jungkook, entering your apartment with his set of keys. He looks at you cooking pancakes, you look at him quickly and smiling.

“ Hey...you want some? It’s your favorite banana pancakes,” you flip the pancake. He looks at the big stack of pancakes you have on the table, you continue with the last couple of pancakes and sit down taking a couple of bites. You are consumed by the taste, not really focusing on Taehyung until he clears his throat, looking at him you notice marks on his neck. Your heart plummets, you thought the whole time the two of you have been messing around he wasn’t seeing anyone else. “ You hooked up with someone else yesterday?,” you set your utensils down.

Taehyung nods trying to look nonchalant, “ Yeah, is that a problem?” 

“ No,” you try to lie to yourself but it’s no use, your face looks the opposite of how you feel, disheartening, you can’t save face even if your life's on the line. Swallowing hard you shake your head, “ Actually, yes. It is a problem,” you sigh. “ I don’t understand you. You treat me like a lover, but then you do things like this…” you get up from the kitchen table tossing the plates in the sink, not caring that you didn’t finish the meal, “ I open my heart with you but you don’t do the same. I feel used in this relationship or whatever the hell this is,” your hands clenched tightly as you turn around and face Taehyung.

He’s now by the kitchen counter standing up, “ I told you I’m not looking for love. I’m sorry if I gave you mixed feelings but I don’t want this to end whatever we have with each other. I like how things are-”

You scoff, rolling your eyes at his words, “ Well I don’t...if you want to fuck around then do it... I’m not going to care for you like I love you anymore.” The angry tears stream down your face, your hands wipe them before he could, “ Go Taehyung. I wish you the best,” his face is etched with subtle pain, turning away from him you wash the dishes not bothering to look at the sound of him leaving.

---

Three days later

Taehyung hasn’t been sleeping well, tossing and turning, giving up completely and decides to study all night long. This has been a daily occurrence since the fight with you. I’m not going to care for you like I love you anymore. Taehyung groans, wanting to get the image of you out of his brain. Jungkook knocks on his door, eyes widening at the sight of him, “ You look like shit, c’mon Namjoon is having another get together.”

When Taehyung shows up to the party he watches you have a conversation with Hoseok, from a far distant, unsure how you would react if you saw him. Taehyung waits till Hoseok leaves, walking towards you as you are on your phone texting someone. He watches you jolt as he calls your name. “ Hey,” you greet him but there’s no smile or warmth like you usually greet. And he hates it, it makes him feel like a stranger.

“ About the last time, I’m sorry that we got into an argument,” Taehyung apologizes, he tucks his hands in his pockets, a nervous tick he developed when he was elementary. 

“ Ok,” you nod your head, not wanting to discuss something so private in a social setting. “ I should get going, I got a research paper to go over,” you give him one last glance and leave, not saying goodbye to anyone else.

Taehyung doesn’t like the way your back faces him, leaving him all alone with a place full of people. He pushes against people not wanting to let you go so easily, he wants to talk to you, he wants to hear you talk. He wants to lay in your bed and listen to your heart beat while you stroke his hair, letting him fall asleep in your arms. You're opening your car door, and you halt when he calls your name, you wait patiently for what he’s going to say. Please stay.  “ I-I uh...I wish you the best, Y/N” Taehyung says. He watches you give him one last small smile and drive away. 

---

Six months later

Taehyung hates visiting his mother, there’s always something unsettling when he enters his childhood home. As soon as greets his mother she comments about his weight, his slightly long wavy hair, and baggy clothes. She doesn’t ask him college, she never does. Instead he listens to her talk about her work. “ I told your father that you're in town,” she says over the sound of the faucet. Taehyung nods, handing her the dirty dishes, “ I told him you are free tomorrow, you are going to visit him at IHOP,” she leaves no room for argument. 

The sun wakes up Taehyung before his alarm does, he doesn’t really put in effort to look nice but when his mother gives him a look, he changes into something more appropriate. Maybe if Taehyung was in middle school he would be nervous meeting his father but now that he’s an adult he couldn’t care less. It takes him a while to find his father, he looks older from his adolescent years, has a few gray hairs and slightly wrinkled skin. His father stands up, and Taehyung immediately holds his hand out giving him a handshake not wanting to receive an awkward hug. His father looks surprised but compiles, awkwardly laughing and sits down taking a gulp of his hot black coffee. “ I ordered your favorite,” his father points to the triple drizzle chocolate milkshake with a red cherry on top that is set in front of Taehyung. “ How are you kiddo? You look so grown up, your mother has been feeding you well, huh?”

“ Yup.” Taehyung looks at the red cherry. 

There’s too much uncomfortable tension, and his father is letting more awkward coughs to try to fill the silence. “ Almost done with college, yeah? Just three more months, and you gotta face the real world,” his father comments.

Taehyung has been facing the real world since he was a teenager, he worked when he was in highschool to pay for college, he cooked his own dinner because his mother always came home late, he didn’t need to graduate college to find out the world was shitty. “ Yeah.”

His father tries really hard to have some sort of conversation with his son.“ You still like to paint?”

Taehyung smiles, getting reminded of you. He wonders what you are doing right now, if you are painting the canvas he bought you when you guys were friends. “ No. I mean yeah, sorta. I painted with this girl, she made me fall back in love with painting but I did something horrible to her. Now I can’t paint without thinking about her,” he sighs. 

There’s surprise etched on his father’s face, since more than a word came out of his son’s mouth. “ Seems like a very important person to you. You should talk things out with her, don’t want to lose someone like that.” 

Taehyung rolls his eyes, “ Why? You did the same thing to us.”

“ Taehyung-”

“ You really fucked me up father, I hate that you and mom made me this way. I want to love her but I’m scared...what if she ends up leaving me like you did. I rather be alone for the rest of my life than to have someone steal a part of me,” Taehyung grits his teeth.

“ I-I I’m sorry Taehyung...I really am. I hate myself everyday for not visiting you, I should’ve been there for you...Your mother and I once loved each other but sometimes people fall out of love, but that doesn’t mean love is evil. Don’t give up on love because of our failed marriage, son, you deserve to be in love.”

---

One week later

“ Fuck, watch where you going asshole,” you yell at the asshole who wasn’t paying attention that made you drop all of your art supplies. He doesn’t even bother apologizing, just continues to walk with his friends. You pick up your pencils, someone helps you pick up your other materials. “ Thank-” you stop midway when your eyes are met with Taehyung. He hands you the sketchpads, you quickly put it in your bag, “ Thanks.”

“ No problem. You just got out of class?,” he asked intently looking at you.

His hair is pushed back by his headband, showing his forehead, he’s wearing his usual baggy grandpa clothes. It makes your heart flutter, but you quickly push the feeling away. “ Yeah, but I have to go back to pick up my two pieces,” you shrug. 

“ You need a hand?” He offers with a careful smile.

You contemplate, you don’t want to make two trips, “ If you’re not busy…”

He eagerly shakes his head. “ I’m not, let me help.” Taehyung follows you to the art room, and picks up the pieces easily despite it being large canvases. There’s silence when you are done putting it in your car. 

“ Thank you,” you give him a grateful smile. “ Do you need to ride home?”

Taehyung took his car to campus but he lies, he accepts your offer in hopes that you guys can talk things over. The radio is on low, and Taehyung is almost near his apartment, “ I lied I don’t need a ride,” he starts off and you let out a surprise laugh.

“ Why are you just telling me now?,” you are about two minutes from the destination. 

“ I wanted to talk to you about what happened to us-”

You sigh, not wanting to reopen bandage wounds on your heart, “ Taehyung, I’m over it-” 

His head turns to face you, “ I love you. I think I always loved you since we became friends. I was scared to tell you because it was something so new for me...I was selfish, I thought that everything we had was fine but I never took your feelings into consideration.” He’s breathing really hard because he finally confessed his heart out, something he vowed he’ll never do since he was a child. 

“ Why? Why now?,” you swallow hard, not looking at him but only the road. Scared that if you look into his eyes, you’ll get lost into them. 

“ It took me a while to come in terms with how I am feeling. Because love is messy right?,” his voice cracks.

The car is now parked in his driveway, “ Yeah, it is.” Turning to finally face him, he has little tears in his eyes that haven’t fallen. “ I still love you, Taehyung,” your hand touches his soft cheek, caressing it. Taehyung leans closer to you and you close your eyes expecting a kiss, instead he sobs against your neck. Feeling wet tears against your neck, you try to coddle him but the tight space in the car is not giving you any room to do so. “ Tae, why are you crying?,” you comb the back of his curls.

Taehyung pulls away giving you a tearful smile, “ Because for the first time in my life I know what love is.”

end.

[binbrookfairqueen]

The Homoerotic Subtext In Victorious: Jade and Tori

I’ve done a lot of nothing during quarantine. The same old same old, wake up at noon, eat something, find the homoerotic subtext in every straight film/show/video game I come across. Isn’t that how we all spend our afternoons? 

It started with Taylor Swift, and the wlw undertones in all of her newest songs. Despite being in a long term relationship with a man, she penned lyrics like “those days turned into nights, slept next to her, but I dreamt of you all summer long” and “what would he do if he found us out? he’s gonna burn this house to the ground,” So of course I went from hating on all of this straight media, to searching for queer scraps in the background of these art pieces. From the new summer Disney flick, Luca, to the characters in my newest copy of Red Dead Redemption 2 on Xbox One. 

I always loved Victorious, it’s been one of my favorite shows since I was a child. The strange humor, the funny remarks. Always wondering why I liked the sassy, demanding Jade instead of the swoon-worthy womanizer Beck.

So, in quarantine, when I heard that Victorious was coming to Netflix, I re watched the entire show and couldn’t help but notice all of the queer innuendos, and rather flirty scenes between female actors. Of course- I’m not the first person to ever notice this. The homoerotic implied relationship between Tori Vega and Jade West had been shipped plenty of times and edited to oblivion by young, gay teens.

Since this is all news to me, I thought I’d go through every episode of Victorious and tell you what is gay about it, from a lesbian’s point of view. 

Pilot

I never noticed how queer coded Victorious is, especially this very first episode. The sexual tension between the girls is almost too much, I have to drink some water every few minutes.

It’s clear to me that Jade is taking advantage of new girl Tori, and trying to establish her superiority because of her own fears and insecurities.

[Tori bumps into Beck, spilling coffee all over him] Tori: Oh my gosh! Beck: Ah, it’s cool Tori: No, here- I think it’s coming out. [Tori attempts to rub the coffee stain out of Beck’s shirt] Beck: You might be making it worse, actually. [Jade enters] Jade: Dude, why are you rubbing my boyfriend? Tori: I-I just spilled coffee on- Jade: Get away from him. Beck: Relax. [Beck kisses a reluctant Jade on the cheek]

Our very first introduction to Jade West is her making sure everybody knows Beck is her boyfriend. Multiple times throughout the episode, she cuddles up to him, picks him as her partner, and kisses him in front of the whole class. There’s a straight explanation to this, but there’s also a queer one. Jade is insecure in her attraction to girls and feels as though she needs to prove herself and everyone else that she does, in fact, like men.

Sikowitz: Jade, you will captain the first group of the day. Choose your actors. Jade: Cat, Eli, Beck, and Tori. Tori, why don’t you go wait in the hall? Tori: Uh, okay. Jade: I have great news that’ll cheer up this whole family. I went to the animal shelter and got us a dog. [Pulls Tori into the classroom by the arm] Tori: Uh, yep! I’m the new family dog. Woof. Jade: Uh oh, looks like this dog has bugs in her fur. [Jade strokes Tori’s hair] Tori: Uh, woof? Jade: Oh, it’s okay! I read on the internet that coffee works great for getting rid of fur bugs. Beck: Maybe you shouldn’t- Andre: Jade- [Jade dramatically pours the coffee on Tori’s head] Jade: What’s the prob, dog? [Tori runs out of the room, contemplating quitting Hollywood Arts]

Jade not only wants everyone to know that she’s straight, but she also wants everyone to know that she possesses a dominant personality, and isn’t afraid to get dirty. In this case, she does all that she can to make Tori’s day a living hell, all because she touched her boyfriend.

I don’t recall this as normal straight girlfriend behavior, there’s gotta be a fear of being outed rooted down deep in Jade’s bones- right?

The episode leads to a scene whereas the two girls are arguing, and there are only a few notable lines:

Jade: Just where did you come from? Tori: Kangaroos. Jade: Lousy animals, Kangaroos, they're awkward and dirty. Tori: Maybe they learned from you. [The classroom tenses, the girls getting more and more angry] Jade: No one talks to me like that. Tori: Obviously someone should. Jade: Please run in front of a bus! Tori: Quite obnoxious of you to say.

Jade: Really? Tori: Sure was.

Jade: Thanks. [Sarcastically]

Scenes get tense as the girls grow closer to each other, getting more and more upset.

But it’s also a lot like playing cat and mouse.

Day 1, Jade picks Tori for her team, day 2, Tori picks Jade for her team just to spite her. The submissive trying to declare dominance, whilst the real dom notices the attention seeking. When Jade says that no one speaks to her like that, and Tori proceeds to comment that someone should, a sexual tension is cast into the air. It’s obvious to any viewer. 

The condescending flirtatious “Really?” Followed up by the bold “Sure was.” Is very queer coded. No one talks like that to someone they don’t find attractive. C’mon.

Author’s Conclusion: Jade feels the need to be angry and rude to anyone who threatens her heterosexuality. She possesses a fear of being outed, and does whatever she can to maintain a normal relationship with a man. But even her attraction to girls and her dominant personality can’t hide, as her actions reveal the closet to be made of glass.

Tori Goes Platinum

Tori: “Everyone else was coming to cheer you on, so... Figured I would, too. And you look way better in that than I would have.”

Jade: “This isn’t right. This was supposed to be your night. I can’t do that to a friend.”

- Jade is the most concerned person in the room when Tori begins acting differently after landing a gig at the Platinum Music Awards. Leading a class wide discussion, Jade discusses Tori’s change in behavior and provides her own evidence and proof to back up her statements. When Tori enters the classroom, Jade confronts her without hesitation, and seems to be the only person who cares enough about the pop stars well being. (Authors note: Only someone who truly cared about another would notice when they’re acting different and confront them to try and fix the problem...)

- When Tori refuses to wear the ridiculous outfits the record label provides, her opportunity to perform at the Platinum Music Awards is stripped away. Jade is asked to fill her place, and despite saying yes, she hesitates for a moment. These matter of seconds prove Jade has some kind of moral in her mind telling her that doing this would hurt Tori, and hurt their relationship.

- Beck and Tori don’t realize that they are still on video call with Jade, and the two almost kiss. Tori backs away, the following conversation takes place.

Beck: “Then why can’t we kiss?”

Tori: “Kissing your friends ex boyfriend...”

Beck: “Since when are you and Jade friends?”

Tori: “We’re kind of friends, I think. And kissing her ex boyfriend... I can’t do that to a friend.”

Despite the overuse of the word friend, this is still a sweet moment, and when Jade overhears this exchange, she realizes taking this opportunity away from Tori isn’t the right thing to do.

- 

[elliotlikespuke]

I’m in love with Matthew Fairchild, and after the first two chapters of GotSM (I tried to avoid spoilers), I couldn’t not write this. The boy is a tortured soul who enjoys the drink a bit too much. 

Also, happy pride month! I am a man (debatably so at 18), dating another man (again, debatable), and pray to goodness that Matthew is gay. I mean, come on, the guy loves Oscar Wilde more than he loves himself.

Warnings: alcohol abuse (maybe alcohol poisoning), homophobia, intense vomiting

There was a commotion at the front door while everyone in the sitting room sipped their after-dinner drinks. A scuffle, and some swearing, not uncommonly heard in the Institute when it was the home of several rowdy children and the training headquarters for their parabatai.

“That’ll be Jamie, then,” Will said, looking from his wife, who looked back at him with a look of puzzlement, to his brother in law. His sister had long since retired with her youngest son, Alexander, still only an infant.

There was more shuffling, and shushing, and a sudden, protesting voice shouting, “I said I’m fine!”

Another small scuffle. Then a bang, as if someone had fallen. The three adults in the sitting room stood very quickly, leaving Lucie in their wake, enraptured by her writing in a manner, not unlike Christopher. They came upon the scene very suddenly, none prepared for it. Bleeding, wounded Shadowhunters were common, coming to the institute as to have a place to meet easily with a silent brother. Usually, they were flanked by their friends, family, or parabatai. This was a man with his parabatai and their mutual friend. Where blood was expected, there was only a slimy, half-dry slick soaked through the dense fabric of Matthew’s usually impeccable waistcoat. He looked utterly dissolute, with pink cheeks and smears of pinkish vomit on his chin. He was suspended between James and Anna, with an arm around either of their shoulders and wore only one shoe, the other discarded somewhere unknown to anyone, likely including Matthew himself.

Anna looked annoyed but no more than James, who wore it to hide the worry seeping from his furrowed expression.

“I think it best to call upon Zachariah,” Tessa announced. Jamie nodded and Matthew groaned, heaving up another spell of vomit onto his clothing, which in turn splattered onto the carpeted floor, and his feet, in their various states of undress.

—

Matthew was sat up on a couch, with a metal bucket under his chin. For now, it was empty, but so long as Tessa kept pushing him to drink water, it wouldn’t remain that way.

“We only left him a few minutes,” Anna tried to explain. “I don’t know what happened.”

Will said, “I suspect Matthew doesn’t either. He’s gotten himself in quite a state. What were you drinking?” He addressed it to Matthew, although he didn’t care who answered him. Matthew, whose eyes seemed desperate to close and whose skin had taken on the pallor of an old peach, didn’t seem likely to pipe up.

“Gin,” Matthew did answer. The mention of it made him want to heave again. He remembered what happened, and vividly, although the alcohol was beginning to drag away the memories he had so struggled to make. He would not tell anyone with these people around.

He had met someone. Someone beautiful and tall, with brown hair and brown eyes and an enchanting way of speaking, even slurred with the effects of the late night. Someone who made Matthew want to be true to his Quixotic persona. Matthew had walked out of the pub with him. He had kissed him. He had been shoved away. Shoved away by revolted, large hands, demanding he desists before he called for the police. Charge him with indecency, he cried. Matthew had fled. It was only the newest in the extensive list of mistakes he had racked up. Mistakes which he must hold close to himself, never tell a soul, although some days it felt he might explode from the unrelenting shame.

Alcohol worked well to dull the senses, to make laughter easier and guilt more far away. Tonight though, he just felt ill. Ill from the gin, and from the fear, slowly eating away at his abdomen until he might die.

Everyone around him was so painfully quiet. There was hardly the rustle of clothing, just a million sets of piercing eyes boring into him that he might collapse dead with a million judgemental holes poked through his conscience. Gabriel was sat in the corner still, hardly moving but appearing deep in thought. This was not Matthew’s home, not his parents, not his cousin and not his uncle, sitting in an immaculate waistcoat, his hands clasped in front of his chest. At the very least there should be Schadenfreude, paying him back for ruining a quiet night between family. He deserved nothing less.

Tessa swept into the room, bringing with her Zachariah. Matthew could not call him anything more familiar.

Will explained the situation while Matthew drifted in and out of consciousness, only wishing that Jamie would sit beside him, that he might have some comfort that he so dearly did not deserve. Matthew was given a new bottle to drink from, retrieved by Tessa from the infirmary.

“A mix of herbs,” Zachariah explained. “To rid the stomach of all matter of poisons.”

Time was not tangible in this liminal space. Matthew had fallen through the looking glass to find a world that made as little sense to him drunk and it did sober. The mere thought spun his head.

Matthew moved the bucket out of the way and went to reach for the bottle. The bucket was slowly pushed back onto his lap by Brother Zachariah, understanding that Matthew himself did not understand.

“I’m not a drunk.” He spoke dejectedly.

“‘If you ever know a man who tries to drown his sorrows, kindly inform him his sorrows know how to swim'.” Brother Zachariah’s voice, or lack thereof, Matthew was in no state to think of such things, was not unkind. It still pushed a hot poker through Matthew, turning the slow burning of pain in his gut to a stabbing, unbearable burden.

“Oh,” he whispered. The bottle nearly tumbled out of his hand, bewildering Matthew, who was unaware he had taken it and drunk more than half. Before it fell to the floor it was caught by Jamie, who had taken to standing off to the side of him, close enough to reach out and touch. Before Matthew could, he was retching into the bucket, unable to stop a ceaseless flow of spoiled-tasting gin and food. He knew he sounded horrific. The gagging felt like it was tearing his throat, his stomach hurt more from the draught than any alcohol he had consumed, and the vile fluid was beginning to pour from his nose as well as his mouth, burning him so badly tears fell freely down his cheeks.

Such conduct was unbefitting of a gentleman, intentional or otherwise. He clutched the sides of the bucket until his fingers went white, and tried to smother a sob. He thought perhaps he’d passed it as a heave until a hand gently graced his back and began to move in slow, smooth circles. Another joined, lower down, both patting awkwardly, doing little to soothe the horrific twisting of his abdomen, and all the while making him feel as light as he had felt since the evening began.

He looked up, loath to continue staring into the bucket of his vomit. He was far, far from done. Whatever Brother Zachariah had given him was still roiling within his stomach, turning over and over in a way that would sink any ship upon its surface. He must look an absolute fright, there was vomit that dripped from his chin, clung to his lips in gelatinous, sticky strands, painted his upper lip and the rims of his nostrils. Fresh tears continued to track down his face.

A handkerchief was pressed into Matthew’s hand, and he eagerly brought it to his face, wiping away the evidence and hiding his shame in one sensible action.

“He will be all right,” Brother Zachariah spoke in everyone’s minds. "He simply needs to rid himself of the rest of it. There is no need for everyone to remain with him."

The family decided who would remain amongst themselves, unbeknownst to Matthew. Lucy, who had fled as soon as the vomiting started, was followed then by her mother, her cousin, Anna, and her uncle, Gabriel until only Jamie and his father remained.

Matthew slumped back, feeling wretched. There would undoubtedly be conversation following this recent lapse of judgement (or moral character, as one might put it). Jamie sat beside him, ensuring the bucket remained in Matthew's lap with the side of his thigh.

"I saw what happened."

Matthew took this calmly, no longer possessing any energy to panic, simply letting the words wash over him.

"It's all right, Matthew. It will be all right."

[evenstevensranked]

#23: Season 3, Episode 3 - “My Best Friend’s Girlfriend”

Twitty’s new relationship with Allison Wong starts monopolizing his free time and Louis' jealousy emerges once again. Meanwhile, Ren and Donnie get caught up in some heated sibling rivalry for a change! 

I love when “kid” shows grow up a bit and we get to see our characters in juicy situations -- Like, immature middle school relationships. LET’S GET INTO THE DRAMA!

We see that Louis and Twitty have found a hobby in "foam-hunk diving." Don't even tell me you didn't want to try this (or STILL want to try this.) If there's one thing we can all agree on, it's that this episode inspired us all to foam hunk dive:

One day during their routine excursion, Twitty notices Allison Wong standing nearby. It's so ridiculous (and slightly inappropriate?) how they have her drink from a water bottle in slow-mo while a deep voice sings "ohhhh, babehhhh" in the background. This is Even Stevens, not Baywatch. Louis encourages Twitty to go talk to her. Their conversation is awkward -- complete with a foam hunk sticking out of Twitty's neck. And I use the word "conversation" lightly because it's literally exactly what you'd expect interaction between two 8th graders to be like (a.k.a. The smallest small talk ever.) But, that's apparently all it takes for Twitty to return to Louis with the good news "She likes me!" and they celebrate by flailing around in packaging materials, as all mature men do.

I would also like to point out the incredible name for the packing supply warehouse, which I just noticed today: 

“PACKRAMENTO Packing Supplies” - Not only is the totally legit logo abnormally bright, terribly superimposed, and made on Microsoft Paint... but it’s one of the greatest and worst puns I’ve ever heard. 

Then it cuts to the subplot, where Donnie is preparing to give a rock climbing demonstration on... a giant rock wall that they've named after him. Why? I have so many questions. Was Donnie the school's star rock climber too? What middle school even has a rock climbing program? Lawrence Jr. High does because this is Even Stevens, fool. 

Everyone is there in the stands, including Twitty and Allison who have already started dating??? They're cozying up to each other and everything already. 

ok they’re honestly pretty cute tho

Just as Donnie is about to do his demonstration, coach Tugnut interjects and performs a cheer for Donnie. This is so disturbing, lol. The opening line is "Donnie Stevens, muscles that bulge" - CALM DOWN, TUGNUT. He also says “Leading his teammates to a steamy hot shower!” Again: Holy crap, Disney. What de heck. Tugnut was definitely a coded gay character... and an unfortunately creepy one at that, dang. 

Wexler, Donnie, and Tawny are me. 

He then insists that Donnie doesn't ~shine~ without an opponent, so Ren unwillingly volunteers by jumping up and screaming at the top of her lungs after Louis pours ice down the back of her shirt. This leads to a "family grudge match" (Tugnut's words) between brother and sister, which we seldom see and it's a cool lil switcheroo! The sibling rivalry is always centered around Louis and Ren specifically. So it's interesting to see what that dynamic is like between Ren and Donnie. Like, you forget that Louis and Ren have a brother sometimes! To Donnie's shock and embarrassment, Ren beats him. Uh oh. This births the main through-line of the subplot which is the two of them competing at literally everything ever in life after that because Donnie is being a sore loser. 

At lunch that day, Louis’ jealousy takes center stage when Twitty invites Allison to eat with them. They’re all giggly and lovey dovey -- gushing about the fact that both of their names start with “Al” and they love strawberry ice cream but hate vanilla. Ya know, the kind of solid foundation all enduring relationships are built on. Louis ain’t havin’ it. Twitty even says that the two of them are going to craft club after school, when he usually goes to Louis’ house. God forbid.

This scene also brought us one of my favorite Louis gifs:

I can taste the salt from here. No one wears jealousy as strong as Louis Stevens. 

I’m just gonna wrap up the subplot now, like I usually do.. because they’re always much shorter than the main plot and so intermittent that it’s just annoying (and extra work for me lol) to keep going back and forth! Sooo yeah. Basically Donnie starts an unofficial battle against Ren over everything: Like who can put away groceries the fastest and a spur of the moment limbo challenge. I love the limbo scene, because how on earth is Steve in regular clothes one second and tropical vacation clothes complete with a coconut drink the next? Because this is Even Stevens, fool. 

“This is like that impromptu family fun you see on television!” Steve says, as we watch them have impromptu family fun on television. That’s some sorta fourth wall type joke right there.

Donnie ultimately challenges Ren to a rock climbing rematch... and she beats him fair and square again. Donnie is cool with it this time around and adjusts his negative attitude towards losing! Yay! I also forgot to mention that Tugnut very harshly slapped Donnie’s butt before he started climbing at both matches. Yikes. Ren and Donnie are all happy and proud of themselves for not letting competition come between them, and Tugnut is miserable over precious Donnie losing to his sister. They should probably rename it the Ren Stevens Rock Climbing Wall though. The person it’s named after couldn’t even climb it successfully.

I love this. It’s so nice, tbh. The end! 

Back to the Twitty and Allison drama. Twitty stops by the Stevens house after craft club and brings Allison along with him. Louis just about dies. He just can’t handle it at all. I’d like to mention that Louis was reading a “swimsuit edition” of Steve’s bird watching magazine as Twitty walked in??? What? Is it just pictures of girls in bikinis posing with birds? Why is that a thing? Because THIS IS EVEN STEVENS, FOOL. Twitty also brought a wind chime he made using sea glass and Allison puts it to the left of Louis’ bed. Later in the scene, Louis walks to the right of his bed and the wind chime hits him in the head. Twitty forgot to mention he also installed a brain and legs into the wind chime. This whole scene is kinda sad though because Louis tries to hang out with them, but everything he suggests is only suited for two people. Like a bunch of hilariously titled board games: “2 On a Plank,” “Two to Tango,” “Third Wheel,” and “Odd Man Out.” Sounds like a fun time! 

I love how “2 On a Plank” shows, like.. 5 people on the side of the box. 

Louis clearly doesn’t know how to be alone or allow his friends to have other friends/significant others, so he immediately decides to replace Twitty any way he can -- Starting with asking Tawny to date him again. “As of right now, you and I are officially back on!” Tawny can see right through him as usual and tries to make him see that he doesn’t want a girlfriend, he’s just using her to fill the void. There’s a great bit here when Louis presents a daisy to Tawny and refers to it as a rose lol. That moment has been gif’d and literally has 400k+ notes on here! Wowie!

Tawny’s words of wisdom fall on deaf ears because Louis turns around right away and runs to Tom as a last resort. “Welp, now you’re officially my best friend!” he tells him. As if it’s that easy. Despite sort of being friends, (I say ‘sort of’ because Louis tends to treat Tom like poo on his shoe) the two of them obviously don’t have much in common and Tom is way too uptight to be bffs with Louis. Tom is absolutely elated to have a “best friend,” though. :( He asks Louis if they should talk to each other before school in the morning to make sure they don’t wear the same thing, but Louis insists that’s not gonna happen. And he’s right... the chances of that happening are literally zero. But leave it to Tom to somehow manage to take “best friends” to the next level: 

I’ll never understand how or why this happens on TV shows all the time. 

Louis tries to take Tom foam hunk diving with him, but Tom’s uptight nature sucks the fun out of everything. So much so, Louis just ends their new best-friendship right then and there. There’s only one thing I dislike about this episode, and that’s the way Louis treats Tom. As usual. It’s pretty hilarious though... Tom says he can’t hop the fence because he doesn’t have his fence climbing gloves. Oh my god. 

Louis attempts to go dive by himself, but it’s just not the same. It also makes him look like a crazy person flailing around in hunks of foam and beaming with joy by himself. I’d like to point out that “Louis” does a flip into the hunks, except it’s definitely not Shia: 

Shia couldn’t do his own stunts??? lol. The flip was pretty simple! This dude’s wig is so different from Shia’s hair and he has a receding hairline. 

Just then, Louis hides as Twitty shows up with Allison and surprises her with the vat of foam hunks. She’s seriously unimpressed. She calls the idea of jumping into it stupid. One thing leads to another and they decide to break up, dramatically parting ways.

I love how this screencap really illustrates that it was the foam hunks that tore them apart. Imagine? “How did your marriage end again?” “My wife wouldn’t jump in a tub of packaging materials with me.” -- This is why middle schoolers aren’t ready for relationships. 

Louis is beyond happy that they broke up at first. He’s just excited to have his best friend back. But, unfortunately.. all Twitty can do afterwards is mope around. He can’t stop thinking about Allison. This brings us to the end of the episode and the reason why I really like this one. In the end, Louis decides to put his friend’s feelings before his own and convinces Allison to go foam hunk diving with them. Awww. She pops up out of nowhere and pleasantly surprises Twitty! Tom shows up too and the four of them have a good old fashioned blast. 

It’s like when friends get caught in the rain and have a cinematic, grand old time -- except this is Even Stevens so it’s foam hunks that fall instead. 

And that’s it! Idk man, I just always liked this episode. I’ve said it a million times but I live for teen drama lol. It’s just refreshing and entertaining whenever this show decides to explore relationships. We get to see quite a few here as well! There’s Twitty and Allison of course. But then there’s Louis and Twitty’s friendship, as well as Ren and Donnie’s rivalry. This one is kinda stuffed to the brim with it, but I really enjoy the main plot. Even though Louis was super jealous the whole time, the resolution always makes me happy. Just goes to show that he’s a good friend, even though selfishness can get the better of him sometimes. This episode also kinda doubles as a Twitty plot which is cool. Oh, and Shia does his “WAHHHH-HA-HA-OOOOOO!” scream at least 10 times in this episode. Five of which are in the first 2 minutes, so there’s that. I actually just realized that this episode is basically the same plot as All About Yvette, except reversed and less cheesy. I feel like I mention that episode a lot for some reason lol. 

I also want to let you guys know that I’ve created a Redbubble account to start selling some Even Stevens-related designs/products. I’ve been working really hard on the designs and cannot wait to post them!! Ahhh. I have so many ideas! haha. (Like *cough* Twitty-Stevens Connection band merch *cough*) It’s gonna be fun. I was inspired to do so because I saw that Lizzie McGuire, That’s So Raven and other Disney Channel “classics” have some new official merch for sale through Hot Topic. But of course... Even Stevens gets nothing. So once again, I’m taking matters into my own hands here lol. I always try to search for Even Stevens merch, but I can never find anything. So I’m making these products for myself as much as I’m making them for y’all. I’ll be sure to let you know when the stuff is posted. 

ALSO Brookwell/McNamara (the show’s production team) followed the blog on Twitter. I feel so validated and ~official.~

Thanks for reading! As always, I encourage you to chime in via Disqus below.

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[alphabees-writes]

Glee - S1 E2 (Showmance)

Mama Mia, here I go again!

Please don’t tell me this GROWN MAN had his license plate changed to “GLEE” to reflect the high school club he runs. PLEASE.

Rachel brings a whole-ass SUITCASE to school? I know she’s extra by nature but PLEASE.

Finn just Doesn’t Know What Things Are! I adore him. 

You’re really just going to walk by Kurt hanging out by the dumpster with a bunch of dudes who harass him in the hallways? AGAIN? Nice one.

“One day, you will all work for me” I doubt these guys are going to be working up the ranks at Vogue.com, Kurt, but I rate the energy.

Emma you’re better than this dude. Run. Run as fast as your hollow bird pelvis will let you.

SANTANA’S FIRST LINE!!! You’re right, they should get a room. 

For all the creepy obsessing Will’s done so far over the glee kids, you’d think HE would be the one to notice how they don’t have enough members to qualify

Sue points out a bunch of special ed classes, and yet I’m pretty sure she says McKinley has no real support available for special needs students later on? They must be whack classes

These people are really acting like all Will does is coach the glee kids even though he’s literally a Spanish teacher

Early Quinn may be incredibly mean, but like, I’d say thanks if she killed me 

Rachel really has a whole spare outfit ready to change in to post-slushying? I guess that makes sense if it happens that regularly

Cory Monteith REALLY couldn’t dance and we love him for it

Disco didn’t suck until Mr Schue got his grubby little mitts on it

I almost forgot about Kurt’s selection of hats. What is this one? A fez? It’s fez shaped

Why is Kurt so sure they’ll throw fruit specifically? Is that McKinley asshole custom?

Terri’s actress, once again nailing the act of making me want to throttle her

Kendra also nails that.

A “used” house oh my god

THIS ARGUMENT BETWEEN KURT AND MERCEDES IS GOLDEN. “You need to call me before you dress yourself. You loo like a technicolor zebra.” They REALLY match. God I hope they ad-libbed that.

It’s the first rap of the show, folks. 

I hate Mr Schue doing Kanye, I really do, but imagine Finn doing it instead like he planned. Better? Worse? I can’t even tell anymore. 

The LOOK Kurt gives Mercedes when she starts belting out the Jamie Foxx part... Don’t be jealous hon you’ll get your bars. For real though his face is hilarious, he looks like he’s worried she’s about to burst a blood vessel with all that TALENT

Sign #5 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Get your hands OFF of Kurt Will Schuester he doesn’t want to dance! Tbh though I love season 1 Kurt during the group numbers because he just always looks SO done.

Mr Schue’s also wearing a T-shirt that says “DITCH PLANS” on it. Please DITCH the state instead?

KEVIN MCHALE IS THE UNSUNG VOCAL HERO OF THIS WHOLE SHOW AND I WILL NEVER LET ANYBODY FORGET IT

Watching them all sing in a goofy, candid way is honestly healing. 

KURT’S DOING THE SINGLE LADIES RING-HAND MOVE IN THE BACKGROUND THIS BOY REALLY LOVES HIS BEY. Me too Kurt me too

They straight up gave Rachel no gag reflex and had her guidance counsellor make a joke about it? Ok RIB

“Have you ever liked somebody so much you just want to lock yourself in your room, turn on sad music and cry?” Same girl, same

AAAaaaAAALllLlLLLLLlll BYYYYY MYYY SEEEEeeeEEEEEEEELFFFF.........bY mYsEeElF i’M bY mYsElF

Ok I like Emma but she sometimes kinda sucks at her job

“He doesn’t even notice me” Rachel, hon, he’s probably already warned his neighbours about you

“Gay parents encourage rebellion” PICK A SIDE, SUE! I really can’t keep up with the convenient flip-flopping of her bigotry. And with Jean, you’d think she’d go off on Rachel for calling people “chromosonally-challenged”

Finn, of course you know who Justin Timberlake is... That’s Mr Schue’s hotter, less evil twin!

I love how they have to label Robin Thicke on the poster - you know, because of how awful and irrelevant he was even then?

Half the janitors are just gone. How has this school not been closed down already?

Sign #6 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Mr Schue: I want to build a club where people can express themselves musically Literally every single member: Hello Mr Schue, I’m here to express how much I dislike the music you’re making us perform. Mr Schue: Never talk to me or my fake-unborn-son ever again

Humble, modest Finn going d’aww shucks and telling Rachel to stop complimenting him is adorable. I love him!!!

How could I forget the celibacy club... I almost feel bad for Quinn, he’ like the only person there who genuinely cares about being celibate. I don’t buy that anybody’s convinced that Puck’s a virgin...

The fact that Finn thought joining the celibacy club would get him laid is just... Yeah. It suits him. 

Jacob Ben Israel you will die by my hand you slimy, unforgivable bastard. NOBODY IS OBLIGATED TO GET YOUR DINGER WET, SCUMBAG! Short skirts are not an entitlement!!!

I still don’t know what Puck means when he says “Those skirts are crunchy toast” and I don’t think I want to know.

OH GOD T H E M A I L M A N . . .

Finn Hudson has canonically nearly killed a man and I don’t think anybody talks about that enough.

I beg all of you to look up this scene and listen to the way Finn goes “Ahahaha... Driving’s fun...” Like it just brings me so much joy. What a doofus. 

Carole’s first instinct is to yell “OH MY GOD YOU’VE KILLED HIM WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?!” Calm down queen he’s gon be fine

Quinn really hates contraception, huh!

I know your wife is a shit, Mr Schue, but it’s fucking reprehensible to lead on another woman. It’s clearly intentional at this point I’m sorry, you don’t put chalk dust on somebody’s nose like that platonically!

Rachel: We’re going to give them what they want! Kurt: Blood? God I love him

I do love the running gag of Figgins wildly overestimating the excitement for the assemblies tbh

This school doesn’t have working toilets but, hey, on the bright side, all you have to do to get expelled is shit yourself!

“Yay, Glee! Glee kids hooray!” Emma just warms my cockles

Will referring to the glee club and saying “We’re on our way back” like no, old man, you’re not getting clout for this. Then again, neither are any of the students until they’ve graduated...

AHH, PUSH IT! KURT’S HIPS. LOOK AT THEM GO. HE’S SO INTO IT.

I WANT THE FACE SUE MAKES WHEN SHE SEES FIGGINS TAPPING HIS FOOT TATTOOED ON MY HEART

Finn’s face as he gets ready to start his part... He’s so nervous. Bless him...

THE PERFECT TIMING OF KURT SLAPPING HIS ASS. And then the zoom on that fucking fanny pack going crazy this scene is so fucking iconic. That fanny pack has been burned into my retinas forever. 

AND THE WAY HE WOBBLES HIS HEAD AROUND AS HE STEPS BACK. KURT! FUCKING! HUMMEL!

Oh god, now he’s crawling across the floor to Mercedes. I can’t tear my eyes away he’s GOING for it!

They really had Finn and Rachel go that hard? Honestly up until that point, the routine isn’t too overtly sexual, but now I understand why they get in trouble 

I DON’T GET HOW THEY’RE STILL LOOKED DOWN ON AFTER THIS PERFORMANCE! Nearly everybody applauds! RIB just had to have that cake and eat it too. 

I demand Will’s resignation too, Sue

Ah, the approved songs list... That they will proceed to ignore for the rest of the season post the Unholy Trinity’s audition

Sign #7 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: He has NO PLACE to be mad at Rachel here. You didn’t listen to any of your students, you wouldn’t compromise, and now they’re going on a sex riot. You did this!

Ken Tanaka you cannot undermine a woman’s self esteem and convince her to settle for you as a second choice, and then complain about feeling like a second choice... WHY do they ever act like he’s a victim here?!

Finn saw that whole-ass picnic set up and didn’t think to ask about it? King. I love one (1) himbo. The way he says “You’re cool, Rachel” just fucks me up every time...

She pours him the TINIEST drink in the world? Girl the cups not even a tenth full and he’s a big boy...

The real OTP is Finn x Airplane Cups

Why does Rachel lie down for the kiss... Is it solely so Finn can have his little overflow at the mayo factory or???

THE MAILMAN SCENE HAPPENS EVERY TIME HE KA-BLAMOS OH MY GOD HOW DID I FORGET...

Look, Rachel, I get that it sucks that he ran away, but he literally has a girlfriend? You couldn’t have expected things to go that well...

THE UNHOLY TRINITY FORMS... I’M QUAKING

Throwback to how blatantly obvious it was that Santana and Quinn weren’t singing at all. How did they think they’d get away with that...

Brittany’s original sideswept bangs? Ugh. Giving me LIFE.

Dianna’s voice turned me gay. I’m genuinely convinced my sexuality is Quinn Fabray’s fault and I’m not even mad?

By this point we know next to nothing about Santana’s character, but the second Sue suggests sabotage, her face fucking lights up. She’s living for it already 10/10

Will you can’t make Emma tag along to all your janitorial shifts I’m sorry. It’s just that you’re married. And a jackass. 

I know Rachel went behind his back, but there’s no real reason to give Quinn the Don’t Stop Believing solo? She’s talented and incredible and I love her, sure, but it doesn’t suit her voice at all my guy, if you didn’t have biscuits for ears you’d know that...

Is this the only instance where Will takes actual responsibility for the glee club’s actions rather than blaming it all on the kids? Wow... A rare gem.

The way he says “I should never have pushed disco so hard...” All serious like... Get a fucking grip

I can believe that Rachel’s neighbours would sue her for singing all the god damn time

Rachel singing “Take A Bow” is more fitting than I realised. At first I was like, “that’s dumb, Finn doesn’t really realise what he did anyway” but it fits her character to use a song and spin it so she feels empowered by it in the end. Or at least, tries to feel that way.

So there’s episode 2! What a hot mess. We love our hot mess.

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #161 - Star Trek Beyond

(GIF originally posted by @forquicksilver)

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: Yes.

Was it a movie I saw since August 22nd, 2009: Yes. #440

Format: Blu-ray

1) The preproduction for this film was slightly troubled. JJ Abrams was committed to Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens so co-writer of the first two films Robert Orci signed on as director. He ended up leaving production though, taking his cinematographer with him, and it was a little while before Justin Lin (Fast and the Furious 3 - 6) was hired to replace him. Writers Simon Pegg and Doug Jung reportedly wrote the script in a bit of a hurry as they still had a release date to meet. But at the end the film turned out really well, so everything worked out in the end.

2) This film was released during the 50th anniversary of the Star Trek franchise.

Having said that, the work done by writers Pegg and Jung as well as Lin’s direction I think help to make the film feel like a balance between old Trek and new Trek. I’ll get into more details on that as I go along.

3) The opening scene.

The opening has an incredible sense of fun and humor to it (with the aliens Kirk is trying to break peace with seemingly gigantic and ending up being the size of a chihuahua) and honestly feels like it could be the concept of an episode for the original “Star Trek” TV show (says the guy who’s never seen an episode of the original series). It establishes some of the lighter/funner tone this film will feature compared to the titular darkness of Into Darkness as well as Kirk’s initial conflict in the film. It is a wonderful beginning.

4) Kirk’s tiredness.

Kirk is three years into his five year mission in space (which, in a not-so-coincidental-way, is how long the original series got before cancellation) and it is starting to weigh on him.

Kirk [in his captain’s log]: “As for me things have started to feel a little...episodic.”

There’s no direction in space, it is just infinite and that is starting to weigh on Kirk. It has him questioning the point of it all. It has him questioning who he is.

Kirk [after commenting he’s now a year older on his birthday]: “A year older than [my father] got to be. He joined Starfleet because he believed in it. I joined on a dare.”

Bones: “You joined to see if you could live up to him. [Mentions how Kirk has spent all this time trying to be like his dad.] Now you’re wondering what it means to be Jim.”

And it is through the fire of conflict in this film that Kirk will reclaim his identity and who exactly he is.

5) The release of this film was given an unexpected dose of sorrow as actor Anton Yelchin tragically passed away about a month before the film’s release.

There is a scene early in the film where Bones and Kirk drink some Scotch they found in Chekov’s locker. They pour three glasses, the third one being for “absent friends” (as in those we’ve lost who could not be here now). The absent friend I believe was meant to be Kirk’s later father, who the pair are talking about. But in the wake of Anton Yelchin’s passing the scene takes on a much more somber meaning and feels more like a tribute to him. After the film’s release I read on IMDb that the scene was included to pay tribute to Yelchin, but I can no longer find that piece of trivia suggesting it may have been false. Either way, it is impossible to divorce Chekov from that scene or the unintended tribute it pays to the late actor. I’m going to miss seeing you in the movie, Anton.

6) Yorktown.

Yorktown is quite possibly the stand out new element introduced into the film. The space station/outpost/colony/whatever is visually outstanding. Most space stations in film are defined by rigid edges and sharp boundaries but Yorktown is circular. It’s fluid, it’s organic, it moves into and through each other like a planet. Some of the camera tricks and technical aspects used to show off this new location is great. It also has an incredible atmosphere to it which ties directly into the sense of hope this franchise is all about. The air is clean, the sky is bright, multiple alien species are working in unity, and Giacchino’s again excellent score just lifts up the sense of optimism that bleeds through this place. It is a wonderful addition to not only this film but Trek lore as a whole.

7) This film introduces what I believe is Star Trek’s first canon gay character by revealing that John Cho’s Hikaru Sulu is in a partnership with another man.

(GIF originally posted by @maclexa-bane​)

However, this decision had one person surprisingly against it. Original Sulu actor and LGBT activist George Takei himself. Here is an excerpt from an article covering this in the Hollywood Reporter.

"I’m delighted that there’s a gay character," he tells The Hollywood Reporter. "Unfortunately, it’s a twisting of Gene’s creation, to which he put in so much thought. I think it’s really unfortunate."

Takei would take to social media a week later to clarify - but not disavow - his statement.

“I hoped instead that [Star Trek creator] Gene Roddenberry’s original characters and their backgrounds would be respected. How exciting it would be instead if a new hero might be created, whose story could be fleshed out from scratch, rather than reinvented. To me, this would have been even more impactful.”

I personally disagree with Takei. As a film student I can say that there seems to be this strange devotion to the “vision” of something. A decision will or won’t be made based on its support of the “original vision”. The original vision of something is almost totally irrelevant to what something actually is, however. Takei’s statements seem to be largely out of his respect for original creator Gene Rodenberry, which I can understand. But imagine some gay kid today LOVES the Star Trek movies and its characters. That kid is not going to care about Gene Rodenberry’s original vision, he is going to care about what Star Trek is today. I think seeing an already established (and incredibly important character) like Sulu express his sexuality in an open and accepted way is very much in line with what Star Trek is today (and will also have more of an impact on that kid than introducing a new character who they have no emotional investment in, but that's just my personal belief).

The franchise has transcended Rodenberry or any one person involved. It is about unity (a major theme in this film), diversity, tolerance, and hope. And as long as it respects these core beliefs which make Star Trek what it is than I think it does more than respect Rodenberry’s original vision. It respects Star Trek.

8) I am going to talk about Spock and Uhura’s breakup and Spock Prime’s death, I promise. Just later.

9) Even though JJ Abrams did NOT direct this film, Greg Grunberg is still featured in it!

Grunberg is JJ Abrams’ lucky charm, appearing in almost all his films (notably absent from Star Trek into Darkness) in one form or another. And even though Abrams serves only as producer on this flick Grunberg still gets a part. Yay!

10) I like that Commodore Paris (one of the Starfleet higher ups at Yorktown) takes the time to say this to Kirk:

Commodore Paris: “It isn’t uncommon you know, even for a captain. To want to leave.”

It’s a common problem people have in life, the loss of identity. And of course it makes sense that it happens to Starfleet officers. Nothing is defined in space. It’s just space.

11) The skirmish between Kraal’s crew and the Enterprise is great.

As a way of introducing the primary plot into the film, it shows a clear lack of preparedness on the part of the Enterprise crew which is a great place to start the conflict and move forward. A, “started from the bottom,” type way. The film opening with such a heavy thrashing and the destruction of the Enterprise leaves a strong impact on the audience. You know these bad guys are people you do not want to mess with, you don’t even want to be in the same room as them. They just took down one of the best starships ever in a matter of minutes. The scene features great action, nice surprises, and is incredibly well paced. As the first major action set piece for the film, it is truly great.

12)

Kirk: “Abandon ship, Mr. Sulu.”

There is literally NO question from Sulu and only a the hesitation needed to process that request. He doesn’t even say, “Sir?” There’s no doubt in his mind. That is how much he trusts his captain and that is how well he knows his ship to admit when it’s done.

13) Idris Elba as Krall.

I will forever be upset that Suicide Squad won the Oscar for Best Achievement in Makeup and Hairstyling when this film is PACKED with some of the most amazing practical creatures and aliens I have seen in years. You don’t have to look any further than Krall to see that. Idris Elba is not giving an animated performance, he’s not motion capture (not to knock motion capture actors, they’re some of the most under appreciated geniuses in Hollywood). That’s him. He is able to deliver a menacing and powerful performance through strong physicality. Elba does not play Krall as human and he shouldn’t. A huge factor for the character is that he’s lost his humanity. He is a beastly shade of his former self, motivated only by madness. I think Krall may be the best villain of this new trilogy (although it’s hard for me to be objective because Nero is still my favorite). Honestly, Elba freaking kills it as Krall and I don’t think they could have cast anyone to do a better job.

From a writing standpoint, Krall just gets more and more interesting as the film goes on.

Krall [after Uhura claims he has made an act of war against the federation]: “Federation act of war!”

But more on this later.

14) This film benefits from unique groupings for a good part of the film. Bones/Spock are the most prominent, but it’s not often you get to see Kirk and Chekov interact one-on-one or Uhura and Sulu. But for now, let’s talk about Bones & Spock.

I don’t think Bones and Spock get as much one on one time as they do in this film and I am so grateful for that. It provides a unique examination of their usually humorously tense interactions which was touched upon in The Search for Spock. I’ll discuss this more as I go (in one scene in particular), but they are able to be vulnerable around each other. Let their guards down, be totally honest, and make their friendship even stronger.

15) Sofia Boutella as Jaylah.

I fucking love Jaylah. So much. I want more Jaylah.

To start, her design is incredibly unique and memorable. It helps her standout from not only the rest of the Enterprise crew but the rest of the inhabitants on the planet as well. And from the strong visual you are able to build into a living, breathing, unique character. She fits into the crew dynamics (particularly through her relationship with Scotty) wonderfully well and she is a kick ass queen. She is a technical genius with no training or teaching, able to set up a number of booby traps/cloak the Franklin/keep auxiliary power going. She has this deep pain that is in direct relation to Kirk’s. Her father - her entire family - died trying to save her, just as Kirk’s did. She has fears, she has strengths, she loves punk music! Jaylah on paper is amazing and actress Sofia Boutella is incredible in the part. Boutella is able to portray all of Jaylah’s wonderful layers - her badass exterior, her painful past, her growth and dealing with her fears - beautifully. Boutella is a star on the rise in Hollywood (already having starred in Kingsman and appearing as the title character in the new Mummy film coming out soon) and to date this is - I think - her best performance. She is just SO good.

A quick final note: it has been said by the filmmakers that they will not be recasting Chekov after Anton Yelchin’s death. I want Jaylah to take his place on the bridge. Because I fucking love Jaylah.

16) The relationship Jaylah and Scotty forge is so fun and heartfelt. Jaylah is able to constantly surprise Scotty and show that she’s his equal in a lot of ways, but when it comes to the pain of her past Scotty is able to help her deal with that. It’s one of my favorite relationships explored in the film and I hope to see it continue in the future.

17) The relationship with Kirk and Chekov is explored a little more subtly than say Bones and Spock but it is still there. The fact that Kirk is able to signal Chekov to help him trap the traitor amongst their midsts, and then of course this wonderful piece of dialogue.

(GIFs originally posted by @alecc-bane​)

Seeing any two characters have this back and forth suggests they’ve done it before. There’s a comfort there that Chekov is able to talk to Kirk so honestly about his doubts and...I’m sorry, I’m just laughing thinking about this scene. I love the exchange between the pair.

18) So it later turns out that Krall is a captain named Edison from VERY early in the Federation’s life span.

Krall: “Federation has taught you that conflict should not exist.”

Krall [MUCH later]: “We knew pain, we knew terror. Struggle made us strong. Not peace, not unity.”

He is an outdated relic, an ancient ideology in a progressive time who thinks HIS way of life was right. And he’s willing to commit mass genocide because of his outdated and hateful ways. There’s also a lose of identity there, as he tells Kirk in the climax, “I’ve missed being me.” That lose of identity in the face of infinite space is exactly what Kirk is at risk of going through, so there’s a connection there between the two that ties back in to Kirk’s main conflict (something that I love). All in all, Krall’s pain is utterly unique in the Star Trek films I’ve seen and I am impressed with the elegance they were able to write it.

19) Spock and Bones having a heart-to-heart about where Spock is in life is one of the best scenes in the film.

It is in this moment when Spock is at his most vulnerable, and it’s with Bones. He speaks as to how being one of the last Vulcan’s effects him, how it was that and the death of Spock-Prime which upset him so deeply he even broke up with Uhura because he thought he had to. He’s planning on leaving Starfleet. But Bones is an excellent friend in this scenes, listening to Spock and offering some kind non-judgmental words. He even gets Spock to laugh! It’s a great moment between these two characters who have been around for 50 years and I think one of the best character moments in all of Trek.

20) Did I mention I love Jaylah?

Jaylah [about her punk music]: “I like the beats and shouting!”

21) If I haven’t made it clear before, this film has some very well done humor. I think this is largely a result of Simon Pegg’s work on the script, but it wouldn’t have worked if cowriter Doug Jung hadn’t worked with him on it. Some examples...

Scotty: “I have an idea sir, but I’ll need your permission.”

Kirk: “Why would you need my permission?”

Scotty: “Because if I mess it up I don’t want it to be just my fault.”

22) So 2009′s Star Trek was about Kirk and Spock moving past their conflict to form a respect and kinship with each other. Star Trek Into Darkness had them solidifying their friendship. And now we’ve reached this point:

Spock [while severely injured]: “We will do what we’ve always done, Jim: find hope in the impossible.”

23) I think something the filmmakers really use to their advantage is taking problems and solving them in a creative way through the sci-fi genre (where aliens are a norm and we have artificial gravity and such). A brilliant example of this:

(GIFs originally posted by @trek-daily)

Also this is all practical makeup. Did I mention this film lost the makeup and hairstyling award to Suicide Squad? I’m bitter.

24) The funniest freaking part of the entire movie!

25) I know I mentioned this before, but Jaylah’s past trauma with her family is incredibly strong for me.

Jaylah [talking about Krall’s hostage camp; refusing to take Kirk and company to their crew]: “Everyone who goes there he kills!”

And it is just another great example of the relationship Scotty and Jaylah have made.

Kirk [after Jaylah leaves & Scotty moves to go after her]: “Let her go.”

Scotty: “She’s lost people too, Captain.”

The fact that Scotty is able to help Jaylah through her grief in a respectful but pressing way speaks a lot to me. And Kirk overhears this, specifically that Jaylah’s dad sacrificed himself for her. Hmm, why does that sound familiar?

The entire scene is great for me for those key reasons: it develops Jaylah, it strengths her relationship with Scotty, and it ties into Kirk’s conflict in the film.

26) The entire diversion/rescue scene on the motorcycle is awesome and one of the strongest set pieces in the entire film. It is brilliantly and intelligently choreographed, keeping the audience and Krall on their toes through the use of decoy projections. It also features a fight between Jaylah and Mannix which ties directly into her arc as he is the man who killed her father. And Kirk - who said to, “Let her go,” about ten minutes earlier - risks himself to save her. She’s a part of his crew now and I love that.

27) Remember how in the 2009 Star Trek Sulu messed up the take off of the Enterprise the first time? Well, I think the phrase, “started from the bottom now we’re here,” applies perfectly to this moment.

(GIF originally posted by @toakenshire)

30) I just love Jaylah’s face when she sees Krall’s planet drift away in the distance. That place was her hell. Her family was murdered there. She never thought she’d be able to escape. And now...

31) Ladies & gentlemen: the most badass moment in Star Trek’s 50 year history.

Some highlights:

Kirk saying, “That’s a good choice,” tying directly into Young Kirk rocking out to this song in the 2009 film.

Bones: “Is that classical music?”

Chekov toe tapping.

Just how f***ing awesome that moment is. It gets you pumped!

I don’t know who had the initial idea to put this scene in the film, but I love them and I want to give them an award or something. This is glorious.

32) The climactic fist fight between Kirk and Krall is a lot of fun. Similar to Syl’s alien head hiding an important piece of technology, the filmmakers are able to use the concept of artificial gravity in a space station to their advantage by choreographing a unique and fun fight scene.

33) And with this Kirk resolves his conflict of identity in relation to his father.

Kirk: “Better to die saving lives than to live taking them. That’s what I was born into.”

34) I love that Kirk says this but for a weird personal reason. It’s something I learned as a film student and something I wish other directing students (and a lot of professional directors) would learn.

Kirk [after Commodore Paris says he saved the lives of everyone in Yorktown]: “It wasn’t just me. It never is.”

35) Holy shit, I honestly cannot believe I forgot that Spock found this in Spock Prime’s belongings:

Not only is this a wonderful thing to include in the 50th anniversary of Star Trek but also it is something Spock REALLY needed to see. He wanted to live the life Spock Prime did and he thought that meant continuing the work on new Vulcan. But then he sees that Spock Prime was with the Enterprise crew DECADES into a future. He had a family for life. And so does Spock.

36) It’s hard for your eyes not to fall on Anton Yelchin when Kirk makes a toast, “To the Enterprise and to absent friends.”

(GIF originally posted by @soundsofmyuniverse)

37) The fact that the entire main crew of the Enterprise gives the ending monologue for the first time speaks greatly to themes of unity present in the film and Kirk’s giving them credit.

38) And now I’m sad again.

39) “Sledgehammer” by Rihanna.

It’s not often that I talk about an end credits song for a film, but I felt I should make an exception this case. Rihanna is a major Star Trek fan, saying:

"This is something that's been a part of me since my childhood, it's never left me, I love Star Trek. It was automatic. I would do anything in terms of music. It's such a big deal not only as a fan, as a musician... because Star Trek is such a big deal across the globe."

You can feel the love for Trek come across in the song. Not necessarily a radio pop hit, I love this song nonetheless. I find it moving and it’s themes of fighting back after you get knocked down very much tie into the hope and resilience which is Star Trek. I think it is a wonderful composition and a great addition to the Star Trek musical library.

I love Star Trek Beyond. Although the 2009 film introduced me to the franchise, this film has the potential overtime to claim its place as my favorite Trek film. It is an absolutely perfect balance of old and new Trek, featuring standout writing, amazing effects, new ideas, a vibrant visual design, and a standout cast (with special mention to Sofia Boutella as Jaylah). It is a totally wonderful that taps into the hope and sense of adventure that the series has always been about. If you were disappointed with Star Trek Into Darkness or are looking to reclaim some love for the series - or even if you’re watching for the first time - give this film a viewing. You won’t regret it.

[sincelight]

I'm A Little Awkward, But Most People Like Me

Pairing: Yixing/Baekhyun Rating: pg-13 Genre: online friendship? 

Summary: Baekhyun's a little awkward, spends too much time reading smutty gay fanfiction, and doesn't think twice before flying across the country to meet his favorite author.

He’s staring at the screen, the little line blinking, taunting him. He wants to say something. Anything. But what? Is it weird if he just gushes? Can he do that? Hi you don’t know me but I love ur fics and ur a great writer and i think i love you please be my friend. He quickly backspaces. “Definitely can’t send that.”

He lets his head fall onto his desk and pouts. “Come on Baekhyun, you’re a people person, you’re great at making friends. Just say hi.” He takes the bit of courage his little pep talk gives him and hurries to type something, not going back to reread it because he knows he’ll just backspace it all again. He lets out his held breath after hitting send and then hurries to exit out of the site, shutting his laptop and pushing it away from himself. It’s late and he should get to bed anyway, he has work in the morning.

He hates the sound of his alarm. It’s too loud. Each time it goes off, every five minutes for a half-hour straight, he silences it and forces himself not to cry into his pillow. He briefly wonders why his life can’t be like Kai’s in xingie’s latest fic. Why wasn’t he born into a rich family, with the luxury of never having to work a day in his life? He sighs, swings his legs over the edge of the bed and stands.

After getting ready it’s a short walk to work, too short. He looks up at the building, the glass window with the stupid purple coffee mug smiling down at him, and is disappointed that, once again, it hasn’t burned down overnight. The sound of the bell chiming when he opens the door annoys him, but one annoyance is quickly replaced with another when his manager, Junmyeon, marches up to him with that overly happy smile on his face.

“You’re late. Again.”

Baekhyun continues walking, thinking that if he ignores him he’ll go away. But Junmyeon only follows behind him, much too close.

“Third time this week, Baek. You need to be—“

“I know, Junmyeon,” he sighs as he ties his apron around his waist. “I know.” Junmyeon gives him a look, the one he uses when customers are being unreasonable, but doesn’t say anything more. “I’ll be on time tomorrow.”

He’s left alone after that to work. This part of his job he can handle, making coffee is something he’s always enjoyed. Plus, the sounds of the machines drown out potential conversations his coworkers might be tempted to have with him. On more than one occasion he’s turned the blender on specifically to drown out whatever nonsense Sehun was spewing, that kid seems to never stop talking. He’s cute, but god damn.

His first order of the day is a mocha latte and he smiles to himself. It reminds him of a fic by xingie he’d read not too long ago; the main character worked in a coffee shop and his super cute, much too flirty regular always ordered a mocha latte everyday. He’s torn from his daydream when he realizes he’s spilling milk all over the counter and it’s pouring onto the front of his apron. He curses under his breath, quickly grabbing a rag to wipe up his mess. Maybe if xingie actually replies to him he can tell him how he made a mess at work daydreaming about one of his steamy sex scenes from his coffee shop fic. He smiles.

“Why are you smiling like that?” Sehun’s voice calls suddenly, much too close to him. “You’re happy you just spilled milk all over yourself?” Baekhyun shoots Sehun a quick glare and then turns on the empty blender.

By the time he gets to sit down for his lunch break he’s ready to go home. His feet hurt and he looks like he pissed himself and he really just wants to finish the chaptered fic he’d started the night before. He sips from his coffee mug and looks to the clock on the wall above him. Fifteen minutes, thats enough time to at least get in half a chapter. So he pulls his phone out and quickly loads up the site, tapping on his subscriptions and smiling to himself.

It’s been a long read. He’s spent most of his free time for the better part of a week reading this fic. It’s by xingie, so of course it’s amazing, but this one. This one is it. This one is everything Baekhyun’s been looking for in a fic. He’s cried twice, gotten so angry at the main character he’s slammed his laptop shut, and had to stop reading to masturbate once. Okay, twice. Okay, it was three times, but xingie just knows how to write some good sex. Baekhyun pouts, he wishes he was having good sex. He sighs, rolls his eyes and refocuses. Ten minutes, start reading, he tells himself.

He’s just about to get to the part where Kai finally, finally, confesses to the short, big-eyed boy of his dreams when someone kicks his foot. He holds his breath to keep a shout in, because he’d rather not get in trouble. So he settles for an annoyed, “What?” Junmyeon doesn’t speak, just holds his wrist up to tap at the face of his watch. Oh, Baekhyun thinks, my break ended twenty minutes ago. He throws a charming smile Junmyeon’s way as he scrambles to his feet and rushes back to work.

He groans the entire walk home. Junmyeon had sat him down after work to explain to him the importance of punctuality. Sure, he drowned most of it out, but still annoying nonetheless. He unlocks his door and steps inside, “I’m not a child,” he pouts.

His apartment is small, but he has a cat so it’s okay. And, just like everyday, Socks the cat is sleeping in a little furry ball, curled up on the tattered old couch his friend Taehyung gave him as a move in gift. He curls up in a similar ball around Socks and pulls his phone out to finally finish what he’d started at work. “Alright Kai, lets see you finally admit your feelings.”

The message notification is a little unexpected, no one ever messages him. And then he remembers his half-asleep, 3am message to xingie.

From xingie: Hey, thanks for the message! I’m glad you’re enjoying my fics… it’s kinda cool to get like, fan mail. I’ve actually noticed you’ve left me a few comments before so thanks for that! Hope to hear back from you!

Baekhyun stares at his phone, rereads the message a few times, and then screeches into the couch cushion. Socks gets up and gives him a dirty look before rearranging himself at the opposite end of the couch. “Sorry,” he says, then hops up to sit cross-legged. “What do I say back?” he speaks aloud, looking at his reflection in his dark tv screen. “How do I reply without sounding creepy?”

From dontcallmebacon: Wow, okay. I kinda didn’t expect you to reply to me. I figured you must get a lot of messages because your fics are so good. Um, I don’t really know what to say now. I almost sent you a message yesterday telling you I think I love you, but I didn’t. I really love your last fic, Coffee House. I’m almost finished reading it right now. I got in trouble at work today trying to read instead of working. So thats your fault lol. Anyway, thanks for replying!

He hits send without thinking and immediately regrets. “Oh my god, I’m such a fucking creeper.”

From dontcallmebacon: Also I’m sorry for how creepy that message probably came out I literally just rambled on accident. I promise I’m not usually this awkward.

After this, they end up chatting regularly. Xingie, Baekhyun learns, is actually really cool. They eventually exchange Tumblr information and begin following each other. Messaging there is just much easier, and a lot faster. Baekhyun may or may not stalk through Xingie’s blog, trying to find pictures to put a face to the name. He’s cute, he’s really cute. Like, holy hell what a time to be alive and gay, please Jesus let him be gay, kinda cute. He spends only a very reasonable hour digging deeper to find more pictures, learning his name is Yixing and that he’s not only cute but he’s sexy as hell when he wants to be. Baekhyun may or may not totally save a black and white picture of him biting his lip to his computer.

dontcallmebacon: you're a guy

xingie: i am, yes xingie: is that bad?

dontcallemebacon: no i just… i guess i was expecting like a girl. since you know… its usually girls that write fics.

xingie: i can assure you there are plenty of guys that write fics. xingie: why do you think i have such extensive knowledge of anal? lol

Baekhyun has to sit back from his computer, hands still resting on the keys as he thinks. Is that Yixing’s way of telling him he’s gay? Because well, Baekhyun’s gay. Baekhyun is very gay and Yixing is very cute. And, “No, quit that. Quit that right now.”

dontcallmebacon: youre really cute

Baekhyun mentally kicks himself, physically slams his head onto his desk. That is totally not what he was wanting to say. He hurries to try and save the situation.

dontcallmebacon: i mean like i saw a picture of yu and youre cuet not that i was like stalkinh you or antyhing dontcallmebacon: wow that makes it sound liek i WAS stalking you which i wasnt i swear!

Baekhyun waits, watching the chat box, hoping he didn’t just freak Yixing out. It feels like hours, days, years that he waits for a reply.

xingie: so basically what ur saying is you stalked my blog?

dontcallmebacon: NO! dontcallmebacon: ok yes i did but i just wanted to see what you looked like

xingie: ….you think im cuuuuuuuuute ^.^ xingie: send me a picture of you now, its only fair

Baekhyun almost spits up his drink. Yixing wants a picture of him? He quickly goes through his facebook, trying to find the cutest picture of himself he can. He chooses one and sends it and waits for a reply, playing some dumb game on Facebook to distract himself.

xingie: cute

A few months go by like this, Baekhyun regularly chatting with Yixing nearly all day and all night. Well, until he has to go to sleep before Yixing, timezones be damned. They learn a lot about each other in a short amount of time. They have a shared love for photography, food, animals and more importantly, BTS. They discover they have the same bias and ultimately decide, jokingly of course, that they must be soulmates.

Baekhyun gets in trouble more often at work now. Showing up late more days than not because he decided to stay up much too late to chat with Yixing. Spending too much time looking at his phone instead of paying attention to his work. He makes Yixing laugh when he tells him that he’s solely responsible for the new no phones policy at work.

xingie: i cant wait to meet you

Baekhyun leans back and just stares. They’ve been talking for three months now and sure, the thought of actually meeting Yixing has crossed his mind, but he never thought Yixing was thinking the same thing. He smiles to himself and runs his fingers over the keys.

dontcallmebacon: really?

xingie: uh yea duh youre fuckin awesome why wouldnt i wanna meet you?? xingie: unless ur a serial killer….. are u a serial killer???

dontcallmebacon: i feel like thats what a serial killer would say to make someone think theyre not a serial killer… dontcallmebacon: are YOU a serial killer??

xingie: i would never kill you xingie: might kiss you tho

Baekhyun feels his heart skip. His mouth falls open into a small smile as he types his response.

dontcallmebacon: you want to kiss me?

xingie: have you seen you? like youve seen how cute you are, right? xingie: id totally kiss you

dontcallmebacon: well.. i never said id let you so..

xingie: would you let me?

Baekhyun’s smile widens and he bites into his bottom lip.

dontcallmebacon: totally

Baekhyun is wheezing as he throws himself into his computer chair; it rolls sideways and he catches himself with a hand on the edge of his desk. He opens his laptop with one hand, the other holding onto the cramp in his side, and quickly signs into Tumblr. As he’s waiting for his shitty internet to do its job he tries to catch his breath. “I need to start working out, jesus christ, it was only three blocks”.

He was at work when he got the notification. BTS was announced as one of the artists in the lineup for Kcon in LA this year. He likes BTS. Yixing likes BTS. Yixing lives in LA. It was so exciting and overwhelming all he could think to do was sprint the three blocks from his work to his apartment. He needed to talk to Yixing immediately.

The site finally loads and he has seven messages. Yixing already knows, he thinks to himself. And, sure enough, he opens the chat box to see a barrage of all caps, frantic messages.

xingie: KCON xingie: BTS KCON EMRGENCY REPLY TO MEEEEEE xingie: BAEK FUKCING REPLY TO ME YOU DICKBAG xingie: BAKHYUNNNNNMNN HURRY IM DYNING xingie: BTSSSS BAEK PAY ATTENTION TO ME xingie: GOD DAMN IT BTS AT KCON IM SCREECHING AND UR IGNORING ME xingie: IF YUO DONT REPLY TO ME THIS FRIENDSAHIP IS OVERR

dontcallmebacon: I WAS AT WORK IM SRORRY!!!!!! dontcallmebacon: are you gonna go? to kcon?? BTS????

xingie: thank fuck i thought u were dead xingie: uhmmm obviously im gonna go! bts in my city omgg

dontcallmebacon: im so jealous tell hobi i love him for me

xingie: dude just fly out here xingie: FLY OUT HERE AND MEET ME AND SEE BTS OMG YESS xingie: baek u gotta

Baekhyun reads the message over and over, thinking about it. He has extra money. He has time he can take off work. Why shouldn’t he fly out to LA? He’s always wanted to go. He’d get to see BTS and kiss a cute boy. He quickly checks his bank account, looks at a calendar, and then switches back to Tumblr.

dontcallmebacon: fuck it.. im in

I’m not gonna cry. I’m not gonna cry. Baekhyun repeats this in his head as he watches his mother walk away from him. She drove him to the airport so he wouldn't have to leave his car, and now she’s leaving. He’s never flown before and he’s moderately terrified. Where does he go? What does he do with his luggage? How does he get to his plane? A large group of people wearing matching shirts passes him, chatting animatedly in a foreign language and he’s jealous. He wishes he had thirty other people around him to tell him what to do. He looks at his phone to check the time. What if he misses his plane? He begins walking faster.

It takes a little time, getting into the wrong line two separate times, but he finally figures out what he has to do. He checks his bag, gets his ticket and then, sighs. “Another line,” he whines, looking over at security. This line moves faster. Each step he takes closer he begins to panic just a little more. He wishes Yixing was awake so he could message him, but it’s like 2am in LA right now, so he’s stuck with nothing but his own thoughts. He takes another step forward, heart beating fast. He begins running through everything in his head, everything he’d packed in his carryon. What if they find something I shouldn't have and I go to airport jail, he thinks.

He makes it through security, only slightly scarred for life, and from there it’s smooth sailing.

By the time he lands in Vegas for his connecting flight he’s starving and so ready to just be in California. He sits down to eat and excitedly messages Yixing, knowing he’ll finally be up.

dontcallmebacon: im in vegas now, coolest airport ever

xingie: ahhhhhhh so close!!! xingie: im so excited ur almost heeeeere

dontcallmebacon: i knowww i just wanna get there already dontcallmebacon: also i’ll have u know i only cried a little at the airport before i left dontcallmebacon: i had a brief hour of panic but im good now

xingie: lol nice xingie: well only a couple more hours left and then you'll be here

Baekhyun notices the time across the top of his phone and his eyes widen. He shoves the rest of his food in his mouth and quickly chugs the rest of his drink.

dontcallmebacon: gotta go, plane leaves in twenty and im at the opposite end of the airport eating. dontcallmebacon: ill message you when i land in la!

When Baekhyun lands he messages Yixing like he said he would and sets off to find his bag. He realizes, pretty quickly, that he has no idea how to find his bag. He wanders aimlessly, he thinks he’s following the signs correctly; he turns around because he was going the wrong way, but finally, he finds baggage claim.

He drags his bag behind him to wait outside. And then, he gets nervous. What if he’s awkward? What if Yixing doesn’t like him? What if Yixing isn't really coming and this was just a big elaborate joke and now he’s stranded all alone in California? He shakes his head, knowing he’s just being dramatic. A black car slows and stops in front of him, he gulps. Yixing steps out, tall, handsome, exactly how Baekhyun pictured him. He lets out a weird breathy chuckle as Yixing steps up to him, a little dimple in his cheek as he smiles.

“Hi.”

Baekhyun licks his lips, his mouth is dry. “Hi.”

Yixing smiles again, looks from Baekhyun’s face to his bag. “You want me to take your—“

“Kiss!”

Yixing’s eyebrows raise, his mouth forms a little ‘o’. “What?”

“Kiss,” Baekhyun repeats, physically unable to stop the word vomit. “Kiss me.”

Yixing’s lips twitch, trying to keep the smile from forming. He grabs Baekhyun’s bag and tosses it into the trunk of his car, turning back to Baekhyun after. He laughs and ruffles Baekhyun’s hair playfully. Baekhyun’s heart stops when Yixing leans forward, lips pursed, and presses their lips together quickly.

“Welcome to California,” Yixing says with a laugh as he walks to the driver’s side and opens the door. “And, nice to finally meet you.”

Baekhyun stares with his mouth open as Yixing gets into the car. He licks his lips and lets out an awkward laugh. The window rolls down and Yixing leans over, hand pulling the handle to push open the door. “You coming?”

Baekhyun smiles and nods, pulls the door open and gets in. He looks at Yixing with a bright smile as he buckles, “Lets do this.”

@seonweon-sonyeondan for you. looooooove you 

[wineanddinosaur]

A Power Ranking of Cosmopolitans from ‘Sex and the City’

In the final moments of the 2008 “Sex and the City” movie, the HBO hit show’s four lead characters — Carrie Bradshaw, Miranda Hobbs, Samantha Jones, and Charlotte York — enjoy a nostalgic reunion with an old friend, Cosmo.

“This is delicious!” Charlotte exclaims, as she sips a shimmering pink Cosmopolitan cocktail from an oversized Martini glass. “Why did we ever stop drinking these?” Miranda wonders. In turn, Carrie quips, “Because everyone else started!”

Their conversation is loaded with intentional irony. Many people did, in fact, start drinking Cosmopolitans (or Cosmos) during the late ‘90s, arguably because of the drink’s association with the show and its sex-column-writing protagonist, Carrie Bradshaw. Whether or not the Cosmo is, as Charlotte says, a “delicious” drink, is historically and hotly debated.

Before “Sex and the City” (SATC) first hit the small screen in 1998, the bright pink cocktail had already amassed an impressive following among New York socialites and celebrities in the late 1980s. Bartender Toby Cecchini is widely credited with introducing the drink to high-profile regulars at TriBeCa brasserie The Odeon, where he worked at the time.

Cecchini, who now owns Long Island Bar in Brooklyn, has often recounted how he “adapted” the recipe from another pink cocktail called the Cosmopolitan, which was doing the rounds in San Francisco gay bars. Cecchini learned of that drink from a colleague, who was introduced to it by friends visiting from the West Coast.

“It was gross, but it looked pretty,” Cecchini told Punch in a 2017 interview. “I went about reconstructing it.” He upgraded the drink’s ingredients, swapping out rail vodka and store-bought lime juice with new-on-the-market Absolut Citron, a lemon-flavored vodka, and freshly squeezed citrus. In place of grenadine, Cecchini used cranberry juice to give the drink its signature hue, and added triple sec (Cointreau, by many accounts) for sweet balance.

Ironically, the ingredients hardly mattered. What shot the drink into popularity was its instantly recognizable pink hue. “It was always made wrong, and you could tell, because it looked like a Negroni,” Cecchini said. “Nobody was doing the proper amount of lime juice. … There was too much cranberry. And still, to this day, people never get it right.”

The Cosmopolitan’s hit-or-miss ubiquity, and the countless overly sweet, artificial-looking recreations, sadly led to its downfall. But at its core, the Cosmo belongs to the “sour” family of cocktails, and is a sibling of other hugely popular drinks such as the Margarita and Daiquiri. In capable hands, and by avoiding gimmicky tools and ingredients, both can be crafted into stunning drinks. So is the Cosmo, too, worthy of a second chance?

VinePair decided to find out. To do so, we thought it would only be fitting to give the drink another go at the major New York bars and restaurants that featured in “Sex and the City.” After all, this was the show that helped make the drink famous.

Helping this writer on the Cosmo-fueled bar crawl was VinePair’s director of marketing, Jeff Licciardello, a late-to-the-game “Sex and the City” fan who regularly watches reruns of the show. VinePair columnist and cocktail enthusiast Aaron Goldfarb was also on hand to share his knowledge and palate (Goldfarb has been a regular fixture on previous VinePair bar crawls).

And making a special-guest appearance was Melissa Stokoski, an actor and comedian who leads guided “Sex and the City” tours two to three times a week for On Tour Locations.

To set the stage, our tasting began at the Cosmo’s original NYC home, The Odeon.

Our judging process was simple: If the establishment featured a Cosmo on its menu, we’d order that. If it didn’t, we would ask for one to be prepared according to the house specifications. Each taster scored each drink on preparation, presentation, ingredients, balance of flavors, and value for money. Scores were then averaged to determine our final ranking.

Setting the Standard: The Odeon

The NYC home of the Cosmo never featured in SATC, but it feels like the type of restaurant where the bougie leading characters would start the night. The TriBeCa institution captures a traditional French brasserie’s comfort and sophistication, while a long, incredibly well-lit art deco bar dazzles. (It also reportedly cost close to 10 percent of the restaurant’s opening budget when it debuted in 1980.)

The tasting team told our bartender about the Cosmo crawl, and he reacted excitedly, recounting the drink’s ties to the restaurant and detailing its popularity — he prepares 20 to 30 per shift, on average.

The perfectly pink Cosmos he served arrived in sturdy Martini glasses. In other, more modern establishments, the thickness of the glass would have felt tacky; but in this nostalgic setting, they were perfect. While our bartender free-poured the ingredients, the drinks were remarkably well balanced: tart, fruity, and acidic, with just the right amount of sweetness. Average score: 21.75/25

6. Cipriani

In SATC Season 3, Episode 3, “Attack of the Five Foot Ten Woman,” the girls brunch in SoHo’s Italian eatery, Cipriani. Flicking through The New York Times wedding section, they learn that Carrie’s ex, John James “Mr. Big” Preston, has married his girlfriend of five months, Natasha Naginsky.

Credit: Cipriani / Facebook.com

Drinking a Cosmo at Cipriani in 2020 proves to be a similar assault. The service is elitist, and the experience resembles an awkward first date you really want to end and will pay any price to get out of. In this case, that was $22. In return, we received a tiny, foamy Cosmo, served in the type of thick, stemmed water glasses designed for large-volume catered events and not expensive New York restaurants.

Cipriani’s bartender opted not to shake our drinks, but instead mixed them using a milkshake frother. The result was undeniably attractive, but not a classic Cosmo preparation by any parameters. It contained (unflavored) Stolichnaya vodka, tasted like pink lemonade seasoned with sour mix, and arrived with a clumsy lime-wedge garnish. While the Cosmopolitan has come to embody free-spirited fun, drinking this frothy concoction at Cipriani feels anything but. Average score: 8/25

5. Cafeteria

Chelsea’s Cafeteria restaurant, known for its 24/7 service, is also the location for numerous brunch scenes throughout the SATC series. Nearly two decades since the show finished, Cafeteria’s ambience evokes that late-30s friend who, rather than settling down like many of their contemporaries, is trying to keep the party going for as long as possible. The music, a compilation of Ibiza dance hits from the early 2000s, blares multiple decibels too loud, and the after-dark lighting is inappropriately low for any restaurant — even one that never closes.

As for its Cosmo: a modern interpretation that deserves some acknowledgement for effort, but the delivery, much like the bar/restaurant in general, is off. Served in a Nick & Nora glass, this Cosmo smelled like Starburst-infused vodka and tasted like an overly sweet passionfruit-spiked Sex on the Beach. Bearing as much resemblance to a classic Cosmopolitan as an Appletini does to a Martini, this is an accomplished Sandals resort cocktail at best. Average score: 12.25/25

4. Grand Bar & Lounge at the Soho Grand Hotel

Featured in Episode 15 of Season 4 (“Change of a Dress”), this hotel bar and lounge played host to a charity event put on by (fictional) hotel magnate Richard Wright, Samantha’s soon-to-be ex-boyfriend. During the formal “Black and White” party, Samantha learns Richard is seeing other women, and is shocked to discover how much it bothers her. “I think I have monogamy,” she tells her friends. “I caught it from you people.”

IRL, the Soho Grand delivers an authentic, glamorous SATC experience. The decor seasons stripped-back regal fittings with sleek 21st-century details. Both the bar and lounge feel expensive without being stuffy, and the staff provides remarkably friendly service.

Credit: Soho Grand Hotel / Facebook.com

If it’s Cosmos you’re looking for, you’ll need to order off-menu and there’s no Absolut Citron on the bar. The cocktails arrived in a stiletto-thin, oversized coupe glasses, garnished with a large orange twist. The sweet citrus fruit garnish ultimately hijacked the drink, and the mixture lacked boozy punch. As this Cosmo’s beauty is only skin-deep, it’s acceptable for a one-time fling but definitely not worthy of long-term commitment. Average score: 13/25

3. Onieal’s Bar and Restaurant

The most-recognizable bar from the show (On Tour Locations finishes its tours here), Onieal’s is better known to SATC fans as Scout, the bar co-owned by Steve Brady, Miranda’s husband, and Aidan Shaw, Carrie’s two-time boyfriend and one-time fiancé.

The main appeal of this Nolita bar today is its familiarity from the show. But past that, it’s hard to pin down exactly what the space serves as. “Is it a pub, lounge, or a dive bar?” we wondered. It’s dimly lit, has TV screens behind the bar, and is furnished with a mismatch of multicolored faux-velvet booths.

Sipping a Cosmo at Onieal’s is an obvious must for SATC fans, but for cocktail enthusiasts, the experience doesn’t deliver the same appeal. Served in a robust Martini glass (read: chunky), the cocktail had a vivid red hue, leading us to question whether there was too much cranberry juice in the mixture, or perhaps even an illicit splash of Rose’s Grenadine. Either way, the drink lacked tartness and acidity, and arrived with undesirable hints of Luden’s cough drops. Average score: 13/25

2. Buddakan

Featured in the 2008 “Sex and the City” movie, Carrie and fiancé Mr. Big choose Buddakan as the location for their wedding rehearsal dinner. During the course of the evening, Miranda accidentally plants seeds of doubt in Big’s mind, paving the way for numerous plot twists throughout the movie.

Situated in a nondescript (from the outside) industrial warehouse in the Meatpacking District, the cavernous bar and restaurant epitomizes everything you want from a SATC experience. There’s sushi Lounge music, courtesy of a live DJ who’s tucked away beside the bar; the kitchen serves Asian fusion dishes, like edamame dumplings, while the bar area, which overlooks the vast dining room below, seems custom-designed for bottle service.

Credit: Buddakan / Facebook.com

Of all the locations we visited, this was the only bar where we weren’t the only ones drinking Cosmos. We surely weren’t alone in enjoying them, either. A booze-forward cocktail, Buddakan’s Cosmo is rose pink, suggesting just the right proportion of cranberry juice (a notion that was backed up by its slightly astringent flavor profile). Tasters docked points for insufficient lime juice, but we doubted this would have been a major problem for Carrie and co. Average score: 16.5/25

1. Balthazar

“The most powerful woman in New York is not Tina Brown, or Diane Sawyer, or even Rosie O’Donnell,” Carrie says during the opening narration of Season 1, Episode 5 (“The Power of Female Sex”). “It’s the hostess at Balzac, which had overnight become the only restaurant that mattered.”

“Balzac,” the fictional French restaurant, proves too exclusive for even Carrie and Samantha to get a seat, so they opt to leave and eat elsewhere. The scene’s external shots are of bona fide Soho brasserie Balthazar. The restaurant also has interesting ties to the Cosmopolitan: Its owner, restaurateur Keith McNally, also founded The Odeon — he opened Balthazar in 1997 after selling his stake in The Odeon.

The brasserie shares similar DNA to The Odeon in both its decor and ambiance. But the energy is livelier and you can easily imagine the girls spending Friday night here, animatedly discussing the past week over a few rounds of Cosmos.

While the drink doesn’t feature on the menu, our bartender, Willis, informed us he had all the ingredients to whip up authentic Cosmos, including Absolut Citron. Within no time, he served a picture-perfect round of cocktails that accurately recreated The Odeon’s version, down to the bubblegum-pink hue and slightly dated, but not-out-of-place, Martini glasses. Refreshing, balanced, and sweet, without tasting cloying, these were amazing Cosmos. While The Odeon’s version was sharp around the edges, Balthazar’s slightly sweeter version was well rounded and perfectly balanced.

Sitting there with our perfect Cosmos in hand, we couldn’t help but wonder: Was this not only the best Cosmopolitan of our “Sex and the City” crawl, or does Balthazar offer the finest version of the drink in Manhattan, period? Either way, the jury was out: The Cosmopolitan is a delicious cocktail, after all. Average score: 22.5/25

The article A Power Ranking of Cosmopolitans from ‘Sex and the City’ appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/cosmopolitan-sex-city-ranking/

[johnboothus]

A Power Ranking of Cosmopolitans from Sex and the City

In the final moments of the 2008 “Sex and the City” movie, the HBO hit show’s four lead characters — Carrie Bradshaw, Miranda Hobbs, Samantha Jones, and Charlotte York — enjoy a nostalgic reunion with an old friend, Cosmo.

“This is delicious!” Charlotte exclaims, as she sips a shimmering pink Cosmopolitan cocktail from an oversized Martini glass. “Why did we ever stop drinking these?” Miranda wonders. In turn, Carrie quips, “Because everyone else started!”

Their conversation is loaded with intentional irony. Many people did, in fact, start drinking Cosmopolitans (or Cosmos) during the late ‘90s, arguably because of the drink’s association with the show and its sex-column-writing protagonist, Carrie Bradshaw. Whether or not the Cosmo is, as Charlotte says, a “delicious” drink, is historically and hotly debated.

Before “Sex and the City” (SATC) first hit the small screen in 1998, the bright pink cocktail had already amassed an impressive following among New York socialites and celebrities in the late 1980s. Bartender Toby Cecchini is widely credited with introducing the drink to high-profile regulars at TriBeCa brasserie The Odeon, where he worked at the time.

Cecchini, who now owns Long Island Bar in Brooklyn, has often recounted how he “adapted” the recipe from another pink cocktail called the Cosmopolitan, which was doing the rounds in San Francisco gay bars. Cecchini learned of that drink from a colleague, who was introduced to it by friends visiting from the West Coast.

“It was gross, but it looked pretty,” Cecchini told Punch in a 2017 interview. “I went about reconstructing it.” He upgraded the drink’s ingredients, swapping out rail vodka and store-bought lime juice with new-on-the-market Absolut Citron, a lemon-flavored vodka, and freshly squeezed citrus. In place of grenadine, Cecchini used cranberry juice to give the drink its signature hue, and added triple sec (Cointreau, by many accounts) for sweet balance.

Ironically, the ingredients hardly mattered. What shot the drink into popularity was its instantly recognizable pink hue. “It was always made wrong, and you could tell, because it looked like a Negroni,” Cecchini said. “Nobody was doing the proper amount of lime juice. … There was too much cranberry. And still, to this day, people never get it right.”

The Cosmopolitan’s hit-or-miss ubiquity, and the countless overly sweet, artificial-looking recreations, sadly led to its downfall. But at its core, the Cosmo belongs to the “sour” family of cocktails, and is a sibling of other hugely popular drinks such as the Margarita and Daiquiri. In capable hands, and by avoiding gimmicky tools and ingredients, both can be crafted into stunning drinks. So is the Cosmo, too, worthy of a second chance?

VinePair decided to find out. To do so, we thought it would only be fitting to give the drink another go at the major New York bars and restaurants that featured in “Sex and the City.” After all, this was the show that helped make the drink famous.

Helping this writer on the Cosmo-fueled bar crawl was VinePair’s director of marketing, Jeff Licciardello, a late-to-the-game “Sex and the City” fan who regularly watches reruns of the show. VinePair columnist and cocktail enthusiast Aaron Goldfarb was also on hand to share his knowledge and palate (Goldfarb has been a regular fixture on previous VinePair bar crawls).

And making a special-guest appearance was Melissa Stokoski, an actor and comedian who leads guided “Sex and the City” tours two to three times a week for On Tour Locations.

To set the stage, our tasting began at the Cosmo’s original NYC home, The Odeon.

Our judging process was simple: If the establishment featured a Cosmo on its menu, we’d order that. If it didn’t, we would ask for one to be prepared according to the house specifications. Each taster scored each drink on preparation, presentation, ingredients, balance of flavors, and value for money. Scores were then averaged to determine our final ranking.

Setting the Standard: The Odeon

The NYC home of the Cosmo never featured in SATC, but it feels like the type of restaurant where the bougie leading characters would start the night. The TriBeCa institution captures a traditional French brasserie’s comfort and sophistication, while a long, incredibly well-lit art deco bar dazzles. (It also reportedly cost close to 10 percent of the restaurant’s opening budget when it debuted in 1980.)

The tasting team told our bartender about the Cosmo crawl, and he reacted excitedly, recounting the drink’s ties to the restaurant and detailing its popularity — he prepares 20 to 30 per shift, on average.

The perfectly pink Cosmos he served arrived in sturdy Martini glasses. In other, more modern establishments, the thickness of the glass would have felt tacky; but in this nostalgic setting, they were perfect. While our bartender free-poured the ingredients, the drinks were remarkably well balanced: tart, fruity, and acidic, with just the right amount of sweetness. Average score: 21.75/25

6. Cipriani

In SATC Season 3, Episode 3, “Attack of the Five Foot Ten Woman,” the girls brunch in SoHo’s Italian eatery, Cipriani. Flicking through The New York Times wedding section, they learn that Carrie’s ex, John James “Mr. Big” Preston, has married his girlfriend of five months, Natasha Naginsky.

Credit: Cipriani / Facebook.com

Drinking a Cosmo at Cipriani in 2020 proves to be a similar assault. The service is elitist, and the experience resembles an awkward first date you really want to end and will pay any price to get out of. In this case, that was $22. In return, we received a tiny, foamy Cosmo, served in the type of thick, stemmed water glasses designed for large-volume catered events and not expensive New York restaurants.

Cipriani’s bartender opted not to shake our drinks, but instead mixed them using a milkshake frother. The result was undeniably attractive, but not a classic Cosmo preparation by any parameters. It contained (unflavored) Stolichnaya vodka, tasted like pink lemonade seasoned with sour mix, and arrived with a clumsy lime-wedge garnish. While the Cosmopolitan has come to embody free-spirited fun, drinking this frothy concoction at Cipriani feels anything but. Average score: 8/25

5. Cafeteria

Chelsea’s Cafeteria restaurant, known for its 24/7 service, is also the location for numerous brunch scenes throughout the SATC series. Nearly two decades since the show finished, Cafeteria’s ambience evokes that late-30s friend who, rather than settling down like many of their contemporaries, is trying to keep the party going for as long as possible. The music, a compilation of Ibiza dance hits from the early 2000s, blares multiple decibels too loud, and the after-dark lighting is inappropriately low for any restaurant — even one that never closes.

As for its Cosmo: a modern interpretation that deserves some acknowledgement for effort, but the delivery, much like the bar/restaurant in general, is off. Served in a Nick & Nora glass, this Cosmo smelled like Starburst-infused vodka and tasted like an overly sweet passionfruit-spiked Sex on the Beach. Bearing as much resemblance to a classic Cosmopolitan as an Appletini does to a Martini, this is an accomplished Sandals resort cocktail at best. Average score: 12.25/25

4. Grand Bar & Lounge at the Soho Grand Hotel

Featured in Episode 15 of Season 4 (“Change of a Dress”), this hotel bar and lounge played host to a charity event put on by (fictional) hotel magnate Richard Wright, Samantha’s soon-to-be ex-boyfriend. During the formal “Black and White” party, Samantha learns Richard is seeing other women, and is shocked to discover how much it bothers her. “I think I have monogamy,” she tells her friends. “I caught it from you people.”

IRL, the Soho Grand delivers an authentic, glamorous SATC experience. The decor seasons stripped-back regal fittings with sleek 21st-century details. Both the bar and lounge feel expensive without being stuffy, and the staff provides remarkably friendly service.

Credit: Soho Grand Hotel / Facebook.com

If it’s Cosmos you’re looking for, you’ll need to order off-menu and there’s no Absolut Citron on the bar. The cocktails arrived in a stiletto-thin, oversized coupe glasses, garnished with a large orange twist. The sweet citrus fruit garnish ultimately hijacked the drink, and the mixture lacked boozy punch. As this Cosmo’s beauty is only skin-deep, it’s acceptable for a one-time fling but definitely not worthy of long-term commitment. Average score: 13/25

3. Onieal’s Bar and Restaurant

The most-recognizable bar from the show (On Tour Locations finishes its tours here), Onieal’s is better known to SATC fans as Scout, the bar co-owned by Steve Brady, Miranda’s husband, and Aidan Shaw, Carrie’s two-time boyfriend and one-time fiancé.

The main appeal of this Nolita bar today is its familiarity from the show. But past that, it’s hard to pin down exactly what the space serves as. “Is it a pub, lounge, or a dive bar?” we wondered. It’s dimly lit, has TV screens behind the bar, and is furnished with a mismatch of multicolored faux-velvet booths.

Sipping a Cosmo at Onieal’s is an obvious must for SATC fans, but for cocktail enthusiasts, the experience doesn’t deliver the same appeal. Served in a robust Martini glass (read: chunky), the cocktail had a vivid red hue, leading us to question whether there was too much cranberry juice in the mixture, or perhaps even an illicit splash of Rose’s Grenadine. Either way, the drink lacked tartness and acidity, and arrived with undesirable hints of Luden’s cough drops. Average score: 13/25

2. Buddakan

Featured in the 2008 “Sex and the City” movie, Carrie and fiancé Mr. Big choose Buddakan as the location for their wedding rehearsal dinner. During the course of the evening, Miranda accidentally plants seeds of doubt in Big’s mind, paving the way for numerous plot twists throughout the movie.

Situated in a nondescript (from the outside) industrial warehouse in the Meatpacking District, the cavernous bar and restaurant epitomizes everything you want from a SATC experience. There’s sushi Lounge music, courtesy of a live DJ who’s tucked away beside the bar; the kitchen serves Asian fusion dishes, like edamame dumplings, while the bar area, which overlooks the vast dining room below, seems custom-designed for bottle service.

Credit: Buddakan / Facebook.com

Of all the locations we visited, this was the only bar where we weren’t the only ones drinking Cosmos. We surely weren’t alone in enjoying them, either. A booze-forward cocktail, Buddakan’s Cosmo is rose pink, suggesting just the right proportion of cranberry juice (a notion that was backed up by its slightly astringent flavor profile). Tasters docked points for insufficient lime juice, but we doubted this would have been a major problem for Carrie and co. Average score: 16.5/25

1. Balthazar

“The most powerful woman in New York is not Tina Brown, or Diane Sawyer, or even Rosie O’Donnell,” Carrie says during the opening narration of Season 1, Episode 5 (“The Power of Female Sex”). “It’s the hostess at Balzac, which had overnight become the only restaurant that mattered.”

“Balzac,”the fictional French restaurant, proves too exclusive for even Carrie and Samantha to get a seat, so they opt to leave and eat elsewhere. The scene’s external shots are of bona fide Soho brasserie Balthazar.The restaurant also has interesting ties to the Cosmopolitan: Its owner, restaurateur Keith McNally, also founded The Odeon — he opened Balthazar in 1997 after selling his stake in The Odeon.

The brasserie shares similar DNA to The Odeon in both its decor and ambiance. But the energy is livelier and you can easily imagine the girls spending Friday night here, animatedly discussing the past week over a few rounds of Cosmos.

While the drink doesn’t feature on the menu, our bartender, Willis, informed us he had all the ingredients to whip up authentic Cosmos, including Absolut Citron. Within no time, he served a picture-perfect round of cocktails that accurately recreated The Odeon’s version, down to the bubblegum-pink hue and slightly dated, but not-out-of-place, Martini glasses. Refreshing, balanced, and sweet, without tasting cloying, these were amazing Cosmos. While The Odeon’s version was sharp around the edges, Balthazar’s slightly sweeter version was well rounded and perfectly balanced.

Sitting there with our perfect Cosmos in hand, we couldn’t help but wonder: Was this not only the best Cosmopolitan of our “Sex and the City” crawl, or does Balthazar offer the finest version of the drink in Manhattan, period? Either way, the jury was out: The Cosmopolitan is a delicious cocktail, after all. Average score: 22.5/25

The article A Power Ranking of Cosmopolitans from ‘Sex and the City’ appeared first on VinePair.

Via https://vinepair.com/articles/cosmopolitan-sex-city-ranking/

source https://vinology1.weebly.com/blog/a-power-ranking-of-cosmopolitans-from-sex-and-the-city

[isaiahrippinus]

A Power Ranking of Cosmopolitans from ‘Sex and the City’

In the final moments of the 2008 “Sex and the City” movie, the HBO hit show’s four lead characters — Carrie Bradshaw, Miranda Hobbs, Samantha Jones, and Charlotte York — enjoy a nostalgic reunion with an old friend, Cosmo.

“This is delicious!” Charlotte exclaims, as she sips a shimmering pink Cosmopolitan cocktail from an oversized Martini glass. “Why did we ever stop drinking these?” Miranda wonders. In turn, Carrie quips, “Because everyone else started!”

Their conversation is loaded with intentional irony. Many people did, in fact, start drinking Cosmopolitans (or Cosmos) during the late ‘90s, arguably because of the drink’s association with the show and its sex-column-writing protagonist, Carrie Bradshaw. Whether or not the Cosmo is, as Charlotte says, a “delicious” drink, is historically and hotly debated.

Before “Sex and the City” (SATC) first hit the small screen in 1998, the bright pink cocktail had already amassed an impressive following among New York socialites and celebrities in the late 1980s. Bartender Toby Cecchini is widely credited with introducing the drink to high-profile regulars at TriBeCa brasserie The Odeon, where he worked at the time.

Cecchini, who now owns Long Island Bar in Brooklyn, has often recounted how he “adapted” the recipe from another pink cocktail called the Cosmopolitan, which was doing the rounds in San Francisco gay bars. Cecchini learned of that drink from a colleague, who was introduced to it by friends visiting from the West Coast.

“It was gross, but it looked pretty,” Cecchini told Punch in a 2017 interview. “I went about reconstructing it.” He upgraded the drink’s ingredients, swapping out rail vodka and store-bought lime juice with new-on-the-market Absolut Citron, a lemon-flavored vodka, and freshly squeezed citrus. In place of grenadine, Cecchini used cranberry juice to give the drink its signature hue, and added triple sec (Cointreau, by many accounts) for sweet balance.

Ironically, the ingredients hardly mattered. What shot the drink into popularity was its instantly recognizable pink hue. “It was always made wrong, and you could tell, because it looked like a Negroni,” Cecchini said. “Nobody was doing the proper amount of lime juice. … There was too much cranberry. And still, to this day, people never get it right.”

The Cosmopolitan’s hit-or-miss ubiquity, and the countless overly sweet, artificial-looking recreations, sadly led to its downfall. But at its core, the Cosmo belongs to the “sour” family of cocktails, and is a sibling of other hugely popular drinks such as the Margarita and Daiquiri. In capable hands, and by avoiding gimmicky tools and ingredients, both can be crafted into stunning drinks. So is the Cosmo, too, worthy of a second chance?

VinePair decided to find out. To do so, we thought it would only be fitting to give the drink another go at the major New York bars and restaurants that featured in “Sex and the City.” After all, this was the show that helped make the drink famous.

Helping this writer on the Cosmo-fueled bar crawl was VinePair’s director of marketing, Jeff Licciardello, a late-to-the-game “Sex and the City” fan who regularly watches reruns of the show. VinePair columnist and cocktail enthusiast Aaron Goldfarb was also on hand to share his knowledge and palate (Goldfarb has been a regular fixture on previous VinePair bar crawls).

And making a special-guest appearance was Melissa Stokoski, an actor and comedian who leads guided “Sex and the City” tours two to three times a week for On Tour Locations.

To set the stage, our tasting began at the Cosmo’s original NYC home, The Odeon.

Our judging process was simple: If the establishment featured a Cosmo on its menu, we’d order that. If it didn’t, we would ask for one to be prepared according to the house specifications. Each taster scored each drink on preparation, presentation, ingredients, balance of flavors, and value for money. Scores were then averaged to determine our final ranking.

Setting the Standard: The Odeon

The NYC home of the Cosmo never featured in SATC, but it feels like the type of restaurant where the bougie leading characters would start the night. The TriBeCa institution captures a traditional French brasserie’s comfort and sophistication, while a long, incredibly well-lit art deco bar dazzles. (It also reportedly cost close to 10 percent of the restaurant’s opening budget when it debuted in 1980.)

The tasting team told our bartender about the Cosmo crawl, and he reacted excitedly, recounting the drink’s ties to the restaurant and detailing its popularity — he prepares 20 to 30 per shift, on average.

The perfectly pink Cosmos he served arrived in sturdy Martini glasses. In other, more modern establishments, the thickness of the glass would have felt tacky; but in this nostalgic setting, they were perfect. While our bartender free-poured the ingredients, the drinks were remarkably well balanced: tart, fruity, and acidic, with just the right amount of sweetness. Average score: 21.75/25

6. Cipriani

In SATC Season 3, Episode 3, “Attack of the Five Foot Ten Woman,” the girls brunch in SoHo’s Italian eatery, Cipriani. Flicking through The New York Times wedding section, they learn that Carrie’s ex, John James “Mr. Big” Preston, has married his girlfriend of five months, Natasha Naginsky.

Credit: Cipriani / Facebook.com

Drinking a Cosmo at Cipriani in 2020 proves to be a similar assault. The service is elitist, and the experience resembles an awkward first date you really want to end and will pay any price to get out of. In this case, that was $22. In return, we received a tiny, foamy Cosmo, served in the type of thick, stemmed water glasses designed for large-volume catered events and not expensive New York restaurants.

Cipriani’s bartender opted not to shake our drinks, but instead mixed them using a milkshake frother. The result was undeniably attractive, but not a classic Cosmo preparation by any parameters. It contained (unflavored) Stolichnaya vodka, tasted like pink lemonade seasoned with sour mix, and arrived with a clumsy lime-wedge garnish. While the Cosmopolitan has come to embody free-spirited fun, drinking this frothy concoction at Cipriani feels anything but. Average score: 8/25

5. Cafeteria

Chelsea’s Cafeteria restaurant, known for its 24/7 service, is also the location for numerous brunch scenes throughout the SATC series. Nearly two decades since the show finished, Cafeteria’s ambience evokes that late-30s friend who, rather than settling down like many of their contemporaries, is trying to keep the party going for as long as possible. The music, a compilation of Ibiza dance hits from the early 2000s, blares multiple decibels too loud, and the after-dark lighting is inappropriately low for any restaurant — even one that never closes.

As for its Cosmo: a modern interpretation that deserves some acknowledgement for effort, but the delivery, much like the bar/restaurant in general, is off. Served in a Nick & Nora glass, this Cosmo smelled like Starburst-infused vodka and tasted like an overly sweet passionfruit-spiked Sex on the Beach. Bearing as much resemblance to a classic Cosmopolitan as an Appletini does to a Martini, this is an accomplished Sandals resort cocktail at best. Average score: 12.25/25

4. Grand Bar & Lounge at the Soho Grand Hotel

Featured in Episode 15 of Season 4 (“Change of a Dress”), this hotel bar and lounge played host to a charity event put on by (fictional) hotel magnate Richard Wright, Samantha’s soon-to-be ex-boyfriend. During the formal “Black and White” party, Samantha learns Richard is seeing other women, and is shocked to discover how much it bothers her. “I think I have monogamy,” she tells her friends. “I caught it from you people.”

IRL, the Soho Grand delivers an authentic, glamorous SATC experience. The decor seasons stripped-back regal fittings with sleek 21st-century details. Both the bar and lounge feel expensive without being stuffy, and the staff provides remarkably friendly service.

Credit: Soho Grand Hotel / Facebook.com

If it’s Cosmos you’re looking for, you’ll need to order off-menu and there’s no Absolut Citron on the bar. The cocktails arrived in a stiletto-thin, oversized coupe glasses, garnished with a large orange twist. The sweet citrus fruit garnish ultimately hijacked the drink, and the mixture lacked boozy punch. As this Cosmo’s beauty is only skin-deep, it’s acceptable for a one-time fling but definitely not worthy of long-term commitment. Average score: 13/25

3. Onieal’s Bar and Restaurant

The most-recognizable bar from the show (On Tour Locations finishes its tours here), Onieal’s is better known to SATC fans as Scout, the bar co-owned by Steve Brady, Miranda’s husband, and Aidan Shaw, Carrie’s two-time boyfriend and one-time fiancé.

The main appeal of this Nolita bar today is its familiarity from the show. But past that, it’s hard to pin down exactly what the space serves as. “Is it a pub, lounge, or a dive bar?” we wondered. It’s dimly lit, has TV screens behind the bar, and is furnished with a mismatch of multicolored faux-velvet booths.

Sipping a Cosmo at Onieal’s is an obvious must for SATC fans, but for cocktail enthusiasts, the experience doesn’t deliver the same appeal. Served in a robust Martini glass (read: chunky), the cocktail had a vivid red hue, leading us to question whether there was too much cranberry juice in the mixture, or perhaps even an illicit splash of Rose’s Grenadine. Either way, the drink lacked tartness and acidity, and arrived with undesirable hints of Luden’s cough drops. Average score: 13/25

2. Buddakan

Featured in the 2008 “Sex and the City” movie, Carrie and fiancé Mr. Big choose Buddakan as the location for their wedding rehearsal dinner. During the course of the evening, Miranda accidentally plants seeds of doubt in Big’s mind, paving the way for numerous plot twists throughout the movie.

Situated in a nondescript (from the outside) industrial warehouse in the Meatpacking District, the cavernous bar and restaurant epitomizes everything you want from a SATC experience. There’s sushi Lounge music, courtesy of a live DJ who’s tucked away beside the bar; the kitchen serves Asian fusion dishes, like edamame dumplings, while the bar area, which overlooks the vast dining room below, seems custom-designed for bottle service.

Credit: Buddakan / Facebook.com

Of all the locations we visited, this was the only bar where we weren’t the only ones drinking Cosmos. We surely weren’t alone in enjoying them, either. A booze-forward cocktail, Buddakan’s Cosmo is rose pink, suggesting just the right proportion of cranberry juice (a notion that was backed up by its slightly astringent flavor profile). Tasters docked points for insufficient lime juice, but we doubted this would have been a major problem for Carrie and co. Average score: 16.5/25

1. Balthazar

“The most powerful woman in New York is not Tina Brown, or Diane Sawyer, or even Rosie O’Donnell,” Carrie says during the opening narration of Season 1, Episode 5 (“The Power of Female Sex”). “It’s the hostess at Balzac, which had overnight become the only restaurant that mattered.”

“Balzac,”the fictional French restaurant, proves too exclusive for even Carrie and Samantha to get a seat, so they opt to leave and eat elsewhere. The scene’s external shots are of bona fide Soho brasserie Balthazar.The restaurant also has interesting ties to the Cosmopolitan: Its owner, restaurateur Keith McNally, also founded The Odeon — he opened Balthazar in 1997 after selling his stake in The Odeon.

The brasserie shares similar DNA to The Odeon in both its decor and ambiance. But the energy is livelier and you can easily imagine the girls spending Friday night here, animatedly discussing the past week over a few rounds of Cosmos.

While the drink doesn’t feature on the menu, our bartender, Willis, informed us he had all the ingredients to whip up authentic Cosmos, including Absolut Citron. Within no time, he served a picture-perfect round of cocktails that accurately recreated The Odeon’s version, down to the bubblegum-pink hue and slightly dated, but not-out-of-place, Martini glasses. Refreshing, balanced, and sweet, without tasting cloying, these were amazing Cosmos. While The Odeon’s version was sharp around the edges, Balthazar’s slightly sweeter version was well rounded and perfectly balanced.

Sitting there with our perfect Cosmos in hand, we couldn’t help but wonder: Was this not only the best Cosmopolitan of our “Sex and the City” crawl, or does Balthazar offer the finest version of the drink in Manhattan, period? Either way, the jury was out: The Cosmopolitan is a delicious cocktail, after all. Average score: 22.5/25

The article A Power Ranking of Cosmopolitans from ‘Sex and the City’ appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/cosmopolitan-sex-city-ranking/ source https://vinology1.tumblr.com/post/190771709709

[sassmill]

Do all those ask things 1-104

I saw this comingASK ME THINGS1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? Hello Reese, how did I get here exactly 2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?Lmfao she jokingly told people we were dating and liked to hold my hand and mentions the kiss way too much and shit but she never explicitly expressed actual interest in a real relationship and she kept telling me about girls she was talking to on tinder and asking me for relationship advice but I don't have time to play games and she graduated so who the fuck knowsThe kiss was for acting class but she was way too handsy with me outside of class for it to be just a stage kiss and by the end of the semester I was just kind of annoyed 3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?If we're talking the good kush then no but other stuff yes4. Is your last name longer than six letters?Yeet5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?Well my character was an alcoholic and the girl kissing me had just finished pouring beer into my mouth So "Tilly" was drunk but I was not 6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?Lmao give me till the end of the summer before I answer this (that's a big fuckin joke because I'm a pussy and won't do anything)7. What does your last received text say?TRUE8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?idk I think we did the scene full out a total of three times9. Where was your last kiss at?The black box theater on campus10. When is the last time you saw your sister?Sometime before she went to bed idk time is a human construct 11. What do you drink in the morning?Coffee 12. Where did you sleep last night?My bed 13. Do you think relationships are hard?Just because something takes effort doesn't mean it has to be hard 14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?Done my fuckin employment paperwork for camp a hell of a lot sooner 15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?UGH having to have an actual conversation and not being able to diffuse everything with humor like I usually do 16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?Rainy I am so unbelievably pale 17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?Yes my fuckin dorm neighbor all this past year had the exact first AND middle name as me it was fuckin weird18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?Haha joke's on you I don't wear pants to bed if I don't have to 19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?You know I sure fuckin hope so because I'm actually starting to lose my mind 20. Does anyone like you?Platonically I'm popular for once and it's working well for me so I'm gonna pretend that that's what this question is asking me 21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?Nope22. Is the last person you kissed gay?She's not straight 23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?SEVERAL 24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?A lot but I'm impulsive and afraid of commitment so I know that any choice I make I will probably regret 25. In the past week have you cried?Haha more like how many weeks has it been since I haven't cried26. What breed was the last dog you saw? Friendo (mutt)27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?Idk I kinda do a combo I move while drying 28. Have you ever kissed a football player?Oh honey not my gay ass29. Do you think you’re old?I've been told I'm an old soul and I've personally felt like a 46 since I was about 1330. Do you like text messaging?Since I struggle with verbal communication (that isn't rehearsed like a script is), YES31. What type of day are you having?Went to IKEA and the hardware store then went home and felt hopeless about a married woman so all in all pretty gay32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?Not really I'm all for body modification but for myself piercings freak me out33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?Cold this is literally logical because I can't remove my skin when it's too hot but I can put on a fucking sweater when it's cold 34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?I LOVE MY ACTING TEACHER CLAIR SO FUCKING MUCH HE IS A BRIGHT LIGHT AND I DONT THINK I WOULD'VE DONE SO WELL THIS YEAR WITHOUT HIM35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?fuck I meanRealistically a relationship But I passed desperate when I joined a sugar baby website so I'll take a fuckin fling at this point36. Are you a simple or complicated person?I'm like what would happen if you tried to put together IKEA furniture for the second time without the manual and you have a little too much confidence in yourself because you pulled it off fine the first time with the instructions but you quickly realize you need help and then everything just turns into screaming 37. What song are you listening to?Literally erotic asmr videos judge me if you want I've lost the ability to care38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?Honey if I ain't sorry your ass isn't getting an apology 39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?The fuckin cheese monster 40. What made you start liking the person you like now?Holy shit do I even want to get into thisTrick question the answer is yesSo I've known this woman for over ten years and have been getting increasingly close with her for sixIn the past four years is when I've fallen for her and let me tell you in all honesty: it started as a hate fuck fantasy. I used to hate her so so much. AND THEN I realized I was gay and Things Changed ™ plot twist: she's actually an incredible person who helped me build up my confidence and feel proud of my sensuality and yeah I think I've been solidly in love with her for two years now but she is married to a man so fuck me rightShe's also twice my age which has lead me into some deep self loathing shit it's complicated and I'm still working through it 10/10 would not recommend She did call me her flirty girl tho at least I'll always have that whatever the fuck it's supposed to mean41. When did you last receive a text message?12:12 am which is about half an hour ago 42. What is wrong with you right now?We don't have time for this I can assure you 43. How well do you know the last female you texted?Well first of all I pretty much text only females, so jot that downAnd I mean god how long have we been friends Reese I think I know you fairly well for an Internet friend I know about your true feelings for bowser so 44. Does anyone disgust you?Jesus don't even fucking get me started 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?Yes are you sensing a theme here46. Are you in a good mood right now?Eh47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?My father48. What color shirt are you wearing?Grey49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?That I have my permit test tomorrow lmao50. Anyone you’re giving up on?I mean people change so fuckin give it time51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?See number 4052. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?NOPE when I decide I'm done I'm fuckin done 53. Do you like rain?Ye54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?Within reason 55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?See 4056. Do you like to cuddle?Yes fuck57. Are you shy?Not really I mean I have a variety of facades for when I'm insecure so58. Do you get along with girls?I'm gay59. Have you dated the person you texted last?Yeah what a memelord60. What do you carry with you at all times?My dark past with the musical Cats61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?My dude I already volunteer in one for free you bet your ass I'd jump at the chance to get paid to deal with ghosts for onceI'd have a lot more patience with the Puritan minister calling me a witch because I'm a woman who speaks out of turn if I was making money 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?I'm a very adaptable person so I should hope so63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?Nope64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?Well when she kisses me on the cheek I die inside so I'm gonna go with probably 65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?Ashlinn and Kristina reaffirm my belief in the existence of love every day and that's the cutest thing ever66. How old are the last three people you kissed?25, 19, 18 but honestly none of them count so?67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? I'm cheap and don't like physical contact or intimacy with strangers so you do the math68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? Leopard 69. Do you have any stickers on your car? My dude I don't even have a license 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? Who71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? I'm posting this via carrier pigeon so72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? Idk whenever the last buskin society party was 73. Do you like diet soda? Only Diet Pepsi 74. What color are the walls in your room? This really awful green color that my parents painted it when my youngest siblings were sharing it (a "gender neutral" color)75. Are you 16 or older? Yeet76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? Ugh I watched two whole seasons and still couldn't find a way to care77. Do you have a job? I have three technically but two are summer and one is at school 78. What are your initials? EVG79. Did you ever have braces? For five fucking years plus other shit to fix my overbite 80. Are you from the south? God no 81. What does your last status on facebook say? If You Notice A Beautiful Purple Thing On The Sand This Summer, Run Away Immediately 82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? Yeah see I haven't had a real kiss yet so 83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? Idk I mean I think I get along better with my dad but that's just because I am literally exactly like my mother 84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? Oh god yup both I dropped a girl on her head 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? I think it was Get Out86. Do you smoke? Carol Aird Taught Me How To Hit A Blunt At Two AM On A Softball Field 87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? Heels88. Is your phone touch screen? If I touch the pigeon it bites me89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? This is a joke my hair has absolutely zero natural texture 90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? I'm bland 91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? Pool I get anxiety from nature have you ever seen Scooby Doo and the Loch Ness Monster?92. Have you ever made out in a car? No93. …Had sex in a car?I'm really bitter right now94. Are you single or in a relationship? Really 95. What were you doing last night at midnight?I think I was crying 96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? A couple months ago just randomly. My school is down the road from an amusement park. 97. Do you like the camera on your phone? I guess98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? No99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? I am a heavyweight mom friend so no100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? Yup101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? I'm gay102. Name your favorite Kesha song: I fux wit Your Love is My Drug103. Do you have any tan lines right now? I have the minimum amount of melanin a person can have without actually being albino I am physically incapable of tanning104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? Fashion is a societal construct