#I WASNT EXPECTING THE REST OF IT
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Sobbing away all snotty at midnight because the stupid evil tech show made more tragic lesbians and I'm too emotional for this shit.
#man hotel reverie was such an incredible episode#and it's done something to my brain#I love black mirror a lot#but sometimes they hit me with a story all about human connection l#and how our experiences sometimes transcend time itself#and connect us so deeply across periods#that we never are truly too different from that which came before us#and frankly it's rude#I feel sick with emotion I hate it#I can't breathe properly already and now I'm extra full of snot#this was not the episode to watch while already sick#BUT I WASNT EXPECTING IY#I spotted the lesbian in the first 2 minutes#I WASNT EXPECTING THE REST OF IT#I THOUGHT BRANDY WAS GONNA STAY COOLER ABOUT ALL THIS#GIRL NOT THE TRAGIC ROMANCE#DONT DO IT#😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 HOW MUCH SNOT CAN A PERSON BE FILLED WITH????#THE ANSWER IS SO MUCH
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Playing The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy demo: 😊
Realizing you now have to wait a month for the rest of the game: 😔☹️
#spud original#the hundred line#thl#last defense academy#idfk how yall r tagging this i just got here#tbh i didnt expect to have so much fun with the combat#im someone definitely going in for the story and characters but the combat wasnt bad either!#also cough ngl while i loved the mysterys in the parts of raincode i played (i think i got past the halfway mark?)#it was really missing the whole socializing with the rest of the cast on ur own terms#i still should finish that eventually
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rip lucy and mina you would’ve loved farcille. rip marcille you would’ve loved westenray (falin lost interest and fell asleep before finishing the book)
#dracula#lucy westenra#mina harker#mina Murray#Westenray#dungeon meshi#farcille#marcille donato#falin touden#my post#dungeon meshi spoilers in tags: ->#something about it…………idk#childhood girl best friends#a blonde woman who everyone loves and idealizes#proposed to by one of her male friends. has expectations relating to marriage and who she should marry#she’s in peril pretty much immediately. everyone tries to save her but she dies.#she’s unnaturally brought back as a perversion of her former self: a cold blooded killer#the gang has to put her to rest. it’s for the best#luckily Falin is allowed more independence by surviving and having her own story rip#her best friend: an intelligent hard worker/teacher with some gender stuff going on#since iirc it’s possible that mina taught Lucy at some point?#and Marcille was a teacher/researcher at Falin’ s magic school#new women (derogatory) and ‘but those are men’s clothes!!’#all affectionate ofc it makes them more interesting characters#who goes through a mini Dark Arc (vampire mina and dungeon lord marcille)#edit: okay more thoughts. I think that Falin would watch a play or movie and not think too much of it and marcille would go#NOO IT WASNT IN THE SPIRIT OF THE ORIGINAL BOOK!!! listen to the audiobook the adaptations ruin it!!#and Falin would enjoy it more like that
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i am so interested in ur hlvrai au can we get a rundown
oh boy, this is going under a readmore.
fair warning, this is a LONG read because (1.) i am not a competent writer and (2.) i can't for the life of me keep things brief. sorry and or good luck.
ACT I
The Black Mesa incident: Gordon Freeman is provided an opportunity to do an informal beta test for a combat training simulation program that's in development in the Research & Development department of the Black Mesa Research Facility. (Read: He knows a guy in R&D and said guy knows Gordon likes video games and VR stuff, so he was like "hey you should come check this out when you're on break.")
The combat sim would be a revolutionary training simulation using artificial intelligence to enhance and realize the experience for the ‘player character’.
The test goes wrong, and Gordon can’t seem to disengage from the simulation and odd, unscripted things start happening; he has to ‘play the game’ to its full completion before he is able to exit the simulation safely. He has suffered a brain injury throughout the process, eye damage due to prolonged exposure to the headset and is generally traumatized by the simulation experience he at some point could no longer physically and emotionally distinguish from the real world. The project as a whole is shut down and Gordon is put into a rehabilitation program. Black Mesa covers up the incident as best it can, but whispers of it still echo around the facility.
Below is a page for a two-page comic i never finished detailing said events.
ACT II
The rumors reach the ears of a particularly tech-savvy researcher named Clark, who steals the project documentation and anything else he can get his hands on from a storage. At home, he looks into the project, reads about it, and gets curious about the simulation’s files themselves. They’re on a drive he plugs into his computer, and suddenly his system’s performance lags, windows open and close until a txt. file opens up. He comes into contact with one of the simulation’s AI that has somehow entered his operating system. He tries to keep it busy by having it poke around as he reads up on the simulation and its ultimate shutdown. When the AI reveals it can see him through the webcam, he panics and rips the drive out of the port. The invasive AI and the other project files seems like they’re gone from his system, he does a checkup but sees nothing odd running or otherwise. The next day after work he does another checkup. Finding nothing, he surmises he’s in the clear and starts up an online game. The slumbering, corrupted data of the AI sees its out, and disappears into the game.
ACT III
The transition/journey to the game is a rocky one, and the already corrupted data of the AI known as Benrey splits and gets even more fragmented. The largest fragment embeds itself into the game’s files to keep itself running. Without the foundation of the game to support it, it’d be lost to a dead void and slowly die out. Somewhat stable, it learns about the world around it; the game seems to be an exploration sandbox game. For now (and clarity), I’ve chosen to call this bigger, embedded fragment ‘Data’. (so this is the big benny with the right eye/one big eye in my art)
Data splits off a smaller fragment of itself, intending it to be an avatar or ‘player character’ but this grows into its own awareness and becomes who we’ll call ‘Beastrey’ (the smaller benny with the left eye and tail in my art).
The fragment ‘Beastrey’ wakes to a dead void, so Data uses its knowledge to create a private server for Beastrey, an empty world. Beastrey’s existence is an extension of the bigger part, with more freedom of movement to parse through the game and move freely within it, with the caveat that it can’t go ‘too far’ away from the host. Beastrey can visit other servers and relay information. Data learns and slowly starts building up the world/private server, at some point settling for an aquatic world because it reminds it of itself (something something sea of data). It's important to note that Beastrey retains little to no memories of the events of canon VRAI.
Data makes it easier for Beastrey to move around, and they grow to have more reach with time. At some point Data can alter the basic structural elements of the game, so it plays around with making things that are reminiscent of the memories it has of Black Mesa and Xen. At one point, it gains access to parse through the player base of the game, and takes note of an email address: ‘[email protected]’, attached to a player account. The name is somewhat familiar to it.
It sends an invite to join the server to the player account.
ACT IV
Gordon tries going back to work at Black Mesa after rehabilitating, but he has trouble separating his experiences with the simulation from reality, to a breaking point where an altercation with a security guard drives him to quit. He seeks professional help for his PTSD and anxiety, but still experiences dissociative episodes, migraines and somatic flashbacks localised mostly in his right forearm. Despite this, he is determined to continue living his life as normally as possible. He applies for a part-time job teaching physics at a local high school, the one where his son Joshua goes to, and remains relatively stable from there.
Joshua is 15 years old. Regular teen. After an impressive amount of pleading he got a VR-headset for his 14th birthday from Gordon (much to the disapproval of Gordon’s ex), and he’s been captivated by an exploration sandbox game since it came out a few months ago.
He gets an invite to an unnamed private server, and he accepts.
He is struck with awe as the world he enters seems completely different from the ones he’s seen so far in the game. Different flora, different fauna. Most of it uninteractible, though, or otherwise just retextured from its base game variant. Even the new enemy types, after a scare, can’t actually hurt him, it seems. He stumbles upon Beastrey, who is just as surprised to see him and wants him out until Joshua says he was invited.
Joshua commends Beastrey (who introduces himself as 'Ben-') on ‘modding’ everything in, but admits that he was disappointed to find that everything was just surface-level stuff. Beastrey inquires about what he’d like to see. Data is always watching, unseen, and decides to alter the world in the way Joshua described when Joshua leaves.
Joshua starts appearing more often, if only for a few hours at a time. He marvels at the ways the world shifts and grows with each time he plays, and takes to exploring it with Beastrey at his side, for whom strangely enough a lot of things are also new. Joshua teaches both Beastrey and Data about the outside world, thinking Beastrey is just a somewhat reclusive but likeable weirdo.
Joshua tells Gordon about the new friend he made, ‘Ben’, and the adventures he’s been having with the other. Gordon is happy to hear Joshua is having a good time, but is otherwise none the wiser. Joshua starts losing track of time in the game, but chalks it up to being invested.
During one play session, Beastrey confesses he isn’t the one who did all the ‘modding’, and invites Joshua to meet Data. Data, or at least its ‘physical’ in-game manifestation is deep within the world, past the aquatic twilight zone and strange, drowned ruins of an unknown facility. Data, for the first time, really sees Joshua, and the resemblance sparks something within it. Joshua is drawn closer to it, and just before he reaches it-
Joshua wakes up lying on the floor with Gordon hunched over him in his room, pleading with him to wake up. Joshua unknowingly got drawn into the game much like Gordon had been, and Gordon urges Joshua to never touch the headset again, taking it away. Gordon opens up about his experiences with the simulation a bit more. They both agree to not touch the game or the headset again.
ACT V
Gordon comes into contact with an old coworker from Black Mesa, and he inquires about the combat simulation project, if anything happened to it after it was canned. This is where he learns that an employee had taken the project files from storage and was consequently fired. He comes into contact with Clark, and Clark explains he had no idea he accidentally unleashed the AI unto the game. Gordon asks if anything can be done to prevent what happened to Joshua and himself from happening to other people. Clark confesses he doesn’t know, and that it’s up to the developers of the game to find anything out of place and make sure it gets fixed. Gordon decides to leave the matter where it lies, not wanting anything to do with AI and simulations anymore and to safeguard his son.
Some time passes.
Joshua starts getting repeated invites and messages, at one point he gets into a conversation with ‘Ben’ via a platform’s messaging system. Ben says he can explain everything, that he’s sorry. Joshua decides he would like one final goodbye. He finds the headset stashed away somewhere in the house, and, while Gordon’s gone, he turns on the game and enters the server.
Beastrey (Ben) is surprised to see him, urging him to log out and turn off the game, but it’s already too late and Joshua can no longer leave. Beastrey helps Joshua attempting to ‘exit’ the game by going as far away from Data’s reach, but Data stops Beastrey and traps Joshua, determined to wait to the point that he assimilates into the game completely.
Gordon eventually finds Joshua comatose with the headset on, and he panics. He considers calling the emergency services, but he’s afraid they’ll take the headset off or that removing Joshua too far from the game will hurt his son like what happened to him. He calls Clark, urging him to help in any way he can. This results in Gordon and Clark going back to Black Mesa to retrieve the project files and the other gear they can get their hands on to get Gordon into the game to free his son.
Gordon enters the private server with Clark’s player character, and thwarts any attempt from Data to impede his progress and trap him as well. Beastrey’s awareness is overridden by Data as a last ditch effort to deter Gordon and Gordon is forced to destroy Beastrey before he can reach Data. As Beastrey is taken over, Data gains Beastrey’s awareness, and finds his other, littler half never wanted to trap Joshua in the first place, and the way it hurt him to hurt both Joshua and Gordon to this extent.
At this point, Data wavers in its intention to keep Joshua trapped, even more so with Beastrey now gone, and recognises whatever it is that is driving Gordon forward in the game is outside of his control to manipulate, so he lets Gordon destroy it as well. In a way, it also feels as a fulfillment of its intended role as the ‘villain’. The server crashes, the world breaks apart. The ‘game’ is completed.
The final boss is defeated and both Gordon and Joshua wake up. Joshua luckily wasn’t exposed long enough to have suffered any lasting damage, except for what seems to be a minor headache and some light sensitivity (and a vow from Gordon to get him checked out by a doctor as soon as the clinics open).
--
The whole ordeal results in Clark, Gordon and Joshua sitting in a Denny’s at four in the morning, eating pancakes somewhat solemnly, completely exhausted but also still reeling from the virtual battle. Joshua learns that ‘Ben’ essentially died, and he can’t help but cry for his friend.
“Honestly, I don’t think he’s gone,” Gordon admits, picking at the last bites of his pancakes. "I think he- or whatever that was, has a hard time staying dead. Like a cockroach, you know? At this point I’m just wondering when he’ll turn up again.”
Clark hums in agreement. Joshua seems somewhat reassured by his words, wiping at his eyes with the scratchy napkin as he settles into the squeaking diner seat.
“But,” he starts with a sigh, pointing his syrup-covered fork upwards to the ceiling in a decree, “One thing’s for certain…”
He thinks back to a time rife with virtual gunfire, caging walls and hysterical laughter echoing through the halls of the Black Mesa research facility. Five sets of footsteps and a whisper of his name.
“…No more VR. No more headsets. Ever.”
--
TL;DR: Gordon got trapped in VR and then Joshua also got trapped in VR. Benrey is there but also not.
thank you for reading. here. ( x ‿ o ) 🫴

#augmentedreality#gras talks#i need you all to understand that most of the plot was retroactively written to justify certain stylistic choices in my art#thats why beastreys design became what it is now and it wasnt 'like that' in the beginning#i didnt expect myself or others to become invested in it to such an extent /crying#with all of this i mean to say please don't grill me on the details. i simply dont know and will start crying profusely if pressed#also its very bencentric but i have played around with shoehorning the rest of the science team into it as well. so far no luck though
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finished reading no country for old men and the ending was . honestly kinda underwhelming
#SPOILERS IN TAGS#like it was so fire up until carla jean got shot because like . wtf happened after that#chigurh got in a car crash then just dipped????and he wasnt shown again?????#and like the rest of the book was just the old sheriff (easily the most boring of the 3 protagonists) yapping like aGHHH#i do not give a gaf about you bell#i cant even really tell if mccarthy was Trying to be purposefully anticlimactic or not#lmk#no country for old men#cormac mccarthy#anton chigurh#its not like i was expecting them all to live happily ever after but i finished it and was just kinda like . Is That It
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my life reset when clarissa was the one who waited for alex at the end of the game.
after everything it was her, it was clarissa who waited for her, who joked with her, who *cared*.
#i keep rewatching that scene over and over again OUT OF ANYBODY IT WAS HER#im never going to recover from that#never#alexrissa makes me so ill man#i wasnt even expecting clarissa to be in lost signals so to get that scene was like.#dude . GOD#this is the only thing i will talk about for the rest of my life#oxenfree ii spoilers#lost signals spoilers#oxenfree 2#oxenfree ii#lost signals#oxenfree#alex#clarissa#alexrissa
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Nothing funnier to me than a fansite that horrifically white washes pics of the guys until they genuinely look like walking corpses but then will have DO NOT EDIT in all their captions like baby.... if there's anyone here who should have the editing software taken away, it's you...
#see this is where i might potentially have a controversial opinion#bc while i 100% always link back to twt videos or pics from concerts and stuff#bc i think its the polite and fair thing to do#i also find the DO NOT EDIT DO NOT REPOST stuff slightly silly#just bc ypure taking pictures of famous people and posting them on the internet like.... people are going to#i think putting credit is 100% the right thing to do but also if i ever went to a show and took a pic that wasnt a total blur#id p much expect others to save it and do stuff with it bc thats just how the internet works#also somehow pics taken at the airport and other invasive places with those captions especially make me laugh like you can go mob them#and take those pics but also expect everyone else to respect your copyright or something?#like at least with concert stuff its expected to take videos so i really do believe you shpuld link back#bc its like wow thank you for taking that video and sharing that funny moment with the rest of us#but some of it im like Nah be for real#like yeah always link back to op when applicable but its not always applicable yk#and white washers dont deserve anything at all
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awawawawawawa
#bunny rambles#i was “cleared” to go back to work yesterday but she told me i could use the rest of the time also if i wanted/needed#and im using it. but the little corporateanxietybot who lives in my head and tries to make me be a Good Worker[tm] is SCREAMING HER HEAD OFF#cause she thinks my boss/Dad is gonna scream at and hit her for being Lazy#this is a trauma post also um. didnt expect to name her rn but she's screaming and i cant scream back cause she sounds like alarms and those#scare crustywhitedog so i have to calm that one so i don't meltdown#my wife submitted the RTW date for me so like. its okay im actually taking the time and ik this is necessary also bc. it is clearly unwell#that its freaking out because it's gotten a more than a 2 day break for the first time in a year#ik corporateanxietybot has protected me in some ways but. i gotta kill her so bad. maybe H can help me reformat her somehow .....#i also hate her is the thing. she cant hear me rn bc she's just looping in circles alarming but anyway. i hate her. like Me. she's so#capitalismcorebootlicker and i hate that about her and i hate that she exists and i hate that she exists bc my dad raised me to be an#Employee instead of a person 🙃🙃🙃🙃#im not elaborating or explaining any of this. this is a diary entry now#i wish i could click her to kill her like the drones in hardcoded lmao it'd be so much easier. ik she like. lives in the work mode mask as#well which is also HARD bc if im not actively thinking Of work or At work she's nonexistent#but shes so LOUD 🙃🙃 like shut up. we're not gonna explode n die from taking an extra week off you're being dramatic our boss isnt Dad#like he LITERALLY isn't Dad. not even close. he's like the most docile man in the world come on ik they're around the same age and both hve#held authority over u but boss checking in wasnt a trap ur not ab to get caught doing wrong ur fiiiiIIIIIIINE#(also corporateanxietybot is not an adult. she's 15 and terrified but she integrated to my work mask which is the problem cause she makes me#a “phenomenal employee” and also makes me work myself sick when she is given the reigns. little devil on my shoulder except the capitalist#system we live under treats her as a positive thing so she gets positive reinforcement at work which only makes her more anxious 😭 i gotta#talk to H about this next Friday huh. also wow. parts work has made it a lot easier for me to acknowledge these behaviors so i can confront#them easier. weird. strange even. so many parts have gotten names this past month n im realizing also why its been so hard to process stuff#but it also has made me kinder to myself. anyway she turned off (her batteries are low since she's been home for a month too) so im gonna#clean myself up and get some food in me and then get some cleaning done
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finally caved and started reading all for the game. two chapters into the foxhole court and what kind of gay fucking shit is this! also did not know there were sports in here
#idk whats going on i thought it was like the raven cycle with magic and shit its called the foxhole court??? no fae???? what the fuck!!!#and i cant understand whats happening with the sports. i didnt get it. i hope i dont need to i just know kevin is top dog of the bad dogs#neil is mid mid except hes got a death wish so they want him carnally???#ill be reading it super slowly bc im busy but i can feel it slowly turning up the heat on my brain cells as i read. they are burning.#ive got naught but ten#and neil's not neil but he is and he has a bag of secrets he's hiding in someone else's closet like okayyyy go off author fuck whats the#authors name.... nora sakavic FUCK I SHOULDVE KNOWN NEVER TO TRUST A WOMAN NAMED NORA#i dont know...i dont know.... but also the only gay neil i know is the one from dead poets society and its hard to separate the two rn#is the rest of the book going to be like this what did i get myself into. am i mentally prepared#bc i wasnt for trc and it FUCKED! ME! UP! im STILL insane#ugh. ugh. anyway. way gayer than expected. also at one point someone asks ''how safe is safe'' and MY DISAPPOINTMENT#when the answer wasnt safe as life? immeasurable. in fact i had to close the book. went to study accounting.#ACCOUNTING. HELLO?? CAN ANYONE HEAR ME IN HERE???#the tree speaks#all for the game#aftg#what are yalls tags?#neil josten#the raven cycle#trc
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only one episode out and I might have to become the #1 Kristen Applebees defender
#i will post abg the rest of the badkids later cuz i love them but#everyone being agast and scandalized by kristen being an asshole to her god must not have watched the first few seasons?#really and truly did you expect her to change??#ppl were speculating her dumping/being on the rocks w cassandra since 2020 this is not new information this is just how she is#AND I FEEL BAD FOR CASSANDRA genuinely i do! of course she doesnt deserve to be ignored or mistreated after all shes been thru!#after all kristen promised her!!#but kristen applebees is like 16 maybe 17 years old a fucking teenager who was literally made into a holy figure by her home church#or the church of helio#all that pressure at a young age gave her irrevocable religious trauma#she crafted a god from scratch one specifically made for HER to worship and even that wasnt enough#shes super flawed!!! but i dont see the point in jumping her about it yk 🤷#thought bubbles#fantasy high#kristen applebees
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today i restarted an old gym membership and went to it for the first time in over five years! it was very fun, i dont know if i pushed a little too much or not. i will find out the consequences of that later 👍 the old man who has been constantly working on there at any hour of any day i come in is still there. he will always be there. he is the one constant on this dog gone earth.
#i like that theres a constant old man gym rat. im glad hes still going strong after all these years#i wonder if he recognized me. a lot of people were looking at me for some reason. that didnt happen much years ago#maybe it was a lot of new regulars who didnt expect me - an old regular who wasnt and then is again LOL i didnt mind but it was funny#i remember my routine. mostly arm stuff and a bit of leg stuff but the leg stuff i get bored really fast#on account of my mysteriously comically ripped calves making a lot of exercises too easy <3 BUT rn while my calves are. still buff as hell#the rest of my legs are something akin to loose pieces of fruit rollup attached to bones rn. so i did a lot more leg stuff this time LOL#i do need to figure out core exercises tho my core has always sucked ass. those exercises always make me like. woozy#so i was never able to figure out good ones outside of like 3 situps max before i lose count hjkLSKJDJSFd#but i must return to my past. as the worlds shittiest gym rat. thats who i was in highschool and early university <3#the gym rat who never seems to get much stronger but keeps coming anyway <3 <3 <3
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just dumped a bunch of skittles in the bed. i w... i wasnt trying to do that
#im gonna be thinking about bill brufords hands for the rest of my life i think#not related i know but. im just#i wasnt expecting them to be . particularly remarkable in any way idk#chris had him beat of course but bill has some mitts#god. just. god#a beast that can talk
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the league of gentlemen are cowards for not having herr lipp (or any of the other characters tbf) flirt w/ reece or mark whilst they were wearing those suits in the film honestly lol...
#the league of gentlemen's apocalypse#the league of gentlemen#there are so many other things i could and should be watching but alas...#brain worms are a mind killer...#anyway i enjoyed the film! it was both great and kinda terrible which is my favourite kinda film lol#other fun things from it i liked: michael sheen as the illusive 4th gentleman of the league lol#angel coulby (gwen) had a brief scene in this which i wasnt expecting#random simon pegg and peter kay cameos??#bernard hill and victoria wood both being in it <3 rest in peace legends#another thing i might as well add here but i kinda wish they'd have done a 2nd film instead of the specials??#the 2017 specials are imo by far the weakest of all tlog stuff which is kinda a shame ....#but i think a sequel film could have felt more polished and put together rather than the kinda messy vibe of the series idkkkkk#does anyone else care about this??? probably not pfft#i'm just rambling at this point lol#personal#(putting it in my personal cos i might as well document my madness u know?)
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have a couple of Aziraphale studies
#more to come#also can we talk about how i just managed to do this???#like#i wasnt really expecting anything great fo come out of this#but then i get possessed by like michael sheen or some shit and create some of the best portraits ive ever done???#im like well chuffed with these lmao#i think ive peaked#and of course its with aziraphale#do you know how many times ive drawn aziraphale???#like only a few times#no as much as crowley#and i managed to do THAT#its all in ball point pen too#maybe i should just draw jn ball point for the rest of time#good omens#good omens 2#aziraphale good omens#aziraphale#good omens fanart#good omens season 2#aziraphale fanart#michael sheen#my artwork#my art#mw_draws
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i died. tell everyone i lived a good life
#ICE ON MY TEETH MV IS SO.........#YUNHO HI. HELLO EVEN#sorry but i burst out laughing at hongjoongs hair#i just wasnt expecting it#in the process of listening to the rest of it#will report back in a sec#rena.posts#ateez
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.
#i had my achievement review with my line manager today#it was our last 1 to 1#and surprisingly she acc told me to not rly push myself#i wasnt expecting that#she told me to rest for at least 6-12 months#she even said that look your young you also have to do fun things in life otherwise you’ll burn out and crash#and then she went and told my line manager that shes upset that shes losing me#its been a long journey with her tho 🤣😂 she was so uptight with me and now shes so nice#i used to be scared to go on 1 to 1s with her#youre***#i even told her an idea about this project i cud sign myself up to and she straight up told me its a bad idea and shudnt take on that much#work
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