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#I WILL NEVER BE MYSELF I WILL NEVER GET AWAY EVER IT'LL JUST BE IN DAYDREAMS AND WORDS BUT NEVER REALITY
abcd-adventures · 1 day
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Coffee Date
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It's crazy humid out here this morning, but that humidity skin glow isn't the worst. Lol ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
In a couple weeks I'm turning 42 and my husband and my dating anniversary is the same day as my birthday--it'll be 19 years since our first date. I'm looking forward to planning a date night and having some time just the two of us. There hasn't been much of that recently, and to be honest that's mostly on me. My husband has never been my go-to emotional support person. He provides a level of safety and security because he's very loyal and I know with absolute certainty that he loves me, so in that way he's incredibly supportive. But, he is not the person I go and talk to when I'm stressed or upset. He usually gets the abridged version after-the-fact because people/emotions aren't really his strong suit. That's always been fine because I have a wonderful support network of people who are far more emotionally adept at processing my shit with me. Unfortunately, right now, all of those people are going through their own pretty serious shit, so I'm more trying to be there for them. Somehow, in 19 years, there's not really ever been a time when I didn't really have an outlet for my own stress/emotions because always at least one of my people was around to decompress with. I'm pretty good at journaling. I'm reading Full Catastrophe Living and working on incorporating more meditation and yoga...I'm doing the whole "self care" stuff, but for the first time in 19 years, I'm definitely feeling the frustration of not having a partner who "gets" emotional exhaustion. I have definitely found myself pulling away from him a bit because of that, and I know he feels it and doesn't understand it. HE has not changed, and I recognize intellectually that it's unfair of me to be resentful, so I'm trying to find a way to address that in a way that works for both of us. I definitely have been feeling like a social worker 24/7 and that's not sustainable. Maybe it's as simple as I just need to take a day off and sleep. Maybe I'll try that. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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dogearedheart · 3 days
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🏞🏞🏞
#the thing is I'm not proud of many things I've done. It's actually the exact opposite.#I kinda suck most of the time if I'm honest. but getting sober and doing it all on my own...#it's one of the only things I'm proud of when it comes to myself. sure.it's my third attempt but 1 year and 3 months...#it's the longest time I've ever managed to not try and deal with myself in a way that slowly but surely fucked me up in a very different way#I still struggle. some days are easier than others#but I'm still doing it.#being sober doesn't magically solve all my other issues but I don't spiral as much as I used to.#i don't think I'll ever be someone people can be around. which is like i don't blame people. i know how i am and how fucking difficult it is#to deal with that. the fear of abandonment that makes me push people away until they leave. the self-fulfilling prophesy of it all#the way i push and when i get the result i was expecting the immediate pull the fear and irrationality#the emotional disreggulation the self-pity#it's gotten better since i stopped drinking. less frequently and all that... but it's never gone not really#sometimes i think about the what could've beens.#what if my childhood went a little differently. what if my dad was there for me when i needed him. what if i wasn't me.#my ex best friend once told me that I'm to desperate to be saved. that nobody can do that anyway.#I'm not sure if I'd deserve it anyway. i have dreams in which I'm still me still dark and ugly and selfish and cruel at times#but i am trying i like to believe that i am already trying. i am. I'm just scared that it'll never be enough.#I'm not proud of many things but I'm 1 year and 3 months sober#only a few days and it's gonna be 1 year and 4 months#i didn't achieve much in my life but I'm here and i am trying every day i am trying and i hope on day it'll be enough#i hope one day i won't cause pain but build something good#sorry... I've just been thinking about it lately#because it is an achievement and i didn’t let myself be proud of how far I've come#alex talks#I'm still scared that people will look at me differently when they know... sometimes i feel like they can see the my rotten core anyway#to delete
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ame-to-ame · 3 months
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there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them
#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris#muscle memory is crazy#i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic#when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good#but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor#what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet#bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back#and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id#it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category#or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is#my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread#something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it#but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore#ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me#delete later
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pyrriax · 3 months
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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏
#haunted ecosystem#i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months#<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat#dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer#((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is#that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better#because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and#you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain#and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be#and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that#somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!
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im2tired4usernames · 4 months
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I hope what ever asshole cultist invited the stay at home daughter movement a very your dick gets rips into bits and eaten by pigs
#the stay at home daughter movement RUINED MY LIFE#IT RUINED MY CHILDHOOD BECAUSE I WAS FROCED TO BE A HOUSE SLAVE AT AT NINE INSTEAD OF A KID#IT RUINED MY HIGHSCHOOL LIFE AND ALL LIFE PLANNING BECAUSE I WAS NOT ALLOWED TO GET MORE THEN THE BY LAW NEEDED SCHOOLING BECAUSE I WAS#WXPECTED TO BE A HOUSE SLAVE TO MY FAMILY UNTIL THEY PAIRED ME OFF TO A HUSBAND THEN ID BW HIS HOUSE SLAVE AND SEX SLAVE BECAUSE MY JOB IS#CLEAN HOUSE COOK POPULATE THE QUIVERFULL AGENDA AND HAVE 160 KIDS THAT'S KIDS AND NO INTEREST NO HOBBY NO INDIVIDUALITY JUST#CHRISTIAN HOUSE SLAVE OOPS I MEAN WIFE AND MOTHER#IT TOOK AWAY ALL AGENCY I HAD IN MY LIFE BECAUSE MY PLACE WAS CLEANING N COOKING NOT SCHOOL NOT JOB NOT FRIENDS NOT GETTING SMART NOT#GETTING INDEPENDENT IT DRIVES YOU TO RELAY ON A MAN COMPLETELY AND TO SUBMIT COMPLETELY YOU HAVE NO SAY YOU ONLY EXIST FOR WHAT WVER JOB TH#MAN WANTS YOU TO HAVE#I HOPE WHOEVER INTERDUCED THIS TO MY PARENTS CULT GETS EATEN SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY#I'VE NEVER TRIED TO BETTER MYSELF GET MORE SCHOOLING GO FOR A DCENT EDUCATION I'VE BEEN FROCED TO BELIEVE I CAN'T SURVIVE BY MYSELF AND#THEY'RE PROBABLY RIGHT BUT FUCK THEY MADE ME SO STUPID AND.I LET THEM BECAUSE I THOUGHT THAT'S WHAT GOD NEEDED#FUCK GOD FUCK RELGIOUS MEN AND FUCK ALL PARENTS WHO PURPOSELY SABOTAGE AND HOLD BACK THEIR CHILDREN FOR THEIR BENEFIT#I'M ANGRY#I DIDN'T DESERVE THAT LIFE I NEED TO FUCKIN GET OUT OF THIS CULTIST HELL I'M TIRED OF LIVING BY THESE STANDARDS AND RULES I WANT A SAY IN MY#LIFE I WANT A LIFE INDEPENDENT FROM GOD AND HIS FOLLOWERS I WANT A SAY IN MY LIFE#I WANT TO BE A PERSON AND NOT PROPERTY OF NO ONE NOT MY FATHER NOT MY MOTHER NOT MY BROTHERS NOT MY HUSBAND NOT GOD FUCK THEM ALLLLLL I WANT#TO BELONG TO ME AND ONLY ME AND I WISH I HAD A WAY OUT THAT I COULD SEE AND ACTUALLY OBTAIN BUT I JUST DON'T#I DON'T HAVE ANY HOPE FOR ANYTHING BECAUSE THE STEPS WILL NEVER BE TAKEN FOR THINGS TO GET BETTER I WILL DIE A DAUGHTER AT HOME I WILL DIE#SERVING THIS CULT AND THEY WILL USE MY CORPSE FOR WHATEVER SERVES THEM ALSO MY NAME WILL BE USED IN WHATEVER WAY PLEASES THEM#I WILL NEVER BE MYSELF I WILL NEVER GET AWAY EVER IT'LL JUST BE IN DAYDREAMS AND WORDS BUT NEVER REALITY
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ariestrxsh · 2 months
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𐙚ྀི༘˚⋆𐙚。⋆𖦹.✧˚, ✮⋆˙𐙚ྀི༘˚⋆𐙚。⋆𖦹.✧˚, ✮⋆˙𐙚ྀི༘˚
⚠️ content warning: ⚠️ smut, loss of virginity, oral, praise, unprotected sex, creampie, blasphemy, religious kink (?), manipulator!matt, possessive!matt
📝 author's note: 📝 this fic may be offensive due to sexualizing religious imagery, and i also just wanted to say, i don't think matt would ever in a million years use religion to get into a girl's pants, i just have sick twisted fantasies so idk if you don't vibe with this story, i get it, but for those of you who do, thanks for making me feel seen 💖
✍️ Summary: ✍️ After losing your virginity to your new boyfriend, being the good Christian girl you are, you start to regret it. You confide in Matt Sturniolo, who proposes an idea to make you pure again.
𐙚ྀི༘˚⋆𐙚。⋆𖦹.✧˚, ✮⋆˙𐙚ྀི༘˚⋆𐙚。⋆𖦹.✧˚, ✮⋆˙𐙚ྀི༘˚
coming down part one
I could never be forgiven. Not after what I had just done. I was a young woman of God, but the choices I'd been making as of late weren't very godly. I'd had sex outside of marriage with a boy named Brayden that I'd started dating at my church. I didn't mean to. It just sort of happened. It only lasted a few minutes, and it wasn't even very good, so it all felt like a waste, and all the guilt was setting in.
What had I done? How could any man want to marry me now? I had been tainted and ruined, and for what? I didn't even want to look at Brayden anymore. Never mind date him, but I didn't know how to end things, and I was wondering if I even should.
I was sitting underneath a tree in a cute modest dress waiting for Wednesday service to start, thinking about all my decisions, and praying to God for forgiveness when Matt Sturniolo approached me. The Sturniolo's were a very important and highly regarded family at our church.
"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Matt came up to me and stroked my cheek with his finger, sensing my discomfort. "I'm too embarrassed to say," I mumbled, looking down. "You know, you can tell me anything," Matt assured me, tipping my chin up with a finger. "Well, I had sex with a boy I'm dating. It was my first time, so now I'm not a virgin anymore," I responded, and I started to cry. "And he didn't even make me.." I trailed off, realizing I'd said too much.
"Oh, darling. He didn't even make you cum?" He said with a sympathy in his voice. I shook my head no. "You know, you're really pretty when you cry," Matt smiled at me, wiping away my tears. I shot him a little smile. He looked around for a second to make sure no one was around us. "You can't tell anybody, but I know a way for you to repent and even become a born again virgin," he smirked down at me. "Oh really? You do?" My face lit up.
"Yeah, but it's a little unconventional, and you gotta promise it'll be our little secret," Matt whispered with a devilish grin overcoming him. I nodded. "Meet me after service tonight at my car, and I'll tell you how," Matt responded.
Of course, the sermon that was given tonight was catered to feed into my guilt. We talked about saving yourself until marriage and fleeing from sexual temptation. But I tried to remind myself that if Matt really knew a way to make it all better, it wouldn't matter, and I wouldn't have to feel the heavy burden of my shame anymore.
Once church ended, I skipped off into the sunset to the parking lot and met Matt by his car. "Hi, princess," he greeted me, pushing a strand of hair out of my face and holding the car door open for me. I smiled at him, and I got in. He was so nice to help me out.
"First things first, do you have somewhere we can be alone?" Matt asked me, getting into the driver's seat. "We can go to my house. My parents are out of town," I told him, and he bit his lip at this. "Yeah? Show me how to get there, princess," Matt said, turning the key in the ignition and starting up his car.
Once I directed him to where I lived, he parked in my driveway, and we found ourselves alone in my bedroom sitting on my white comforter.
"So you know how I mentioned this is an unconventional method," Matt started. "Yeah, just tell me what I need to do," I told him. "Well, I have a special gift that God gave to me, but you can't tell anyone about it," he confided in me. "What is it?" I asked, my eyes widening. "If I have sex with a girl who has been tainted, I can make her pure again," he whispered.
"Really?" I asked him. "Yeah, but you have to do exactly as I say or else it won't work," he smirked while he studied my reactions. "How do we start?" I inquired, eager to be forgiven. "Well, first, I have to get you wet, silly," he responded in a rasp while his hand traveled up the skirt of my dress and he pulled it up so he could get a better look at my white cotton panties that had a little pink bow on the front of the waistband.
"Wow, you look so pretty in these," he whispered to me as he took his hand to my mound and applied a little bit of pressure while he worked it in circles. I let out a soft moan as I felt the front of my panties start to get wet.
He pulled my dress up the rest of the way, and I lifted up my arms to help him pull it all the way off me to reveal my matching bra. "Wow," Matt gasped, teasing my nipple through the cotton fabric with his teeth. It felt so good the way he was nibbling on my breast while he reached down into my waistband.
"Good girl, you're getting so wet for me," Matt hummed against my chest. I couldn't help but reach up and lock my fingers into his hair. I'd never felt this good before. "Before I can properly purify you, you'll need to call your boyfriend and break up with him," Matt said, looking up at me. "Right now?" I asked. "Yes," he commanded, handing me my phone. I was scared of how Brayden would react, but I had to do it to become a virgin again. I found his contact in my phone, and it started ringing.
Meanwhile, Matt was pushing me back onto the bed, slithering between my legs and peeling my panties off my body. "Hey babe, what's up?" Brayden answered the phone while Matt lowered his mouth onto my glistening pussy.
"Oh, uh, Brayden," I started, my eyes growing wide as I watched Matt's eyes watching me while he tenderly licked me. "Are you okay?" Brayden asked me after a small whimper escaped my mouth. "Yesss. N-no, actually. W-we need t-to br-break up," I managed to get out while Matt teased me with his mouth.
"Break up? What?! Are you busy? Can we meet up and talk about this?" Brayden asked in a distressed voice. "I am b-busy. Can't talk now," I said, letting out another whimper as Matt closed his lips down around my special button, sucking on it while he rapidly moved his tongue from side to side. And I hung up before I could hear Brayden's response.
"Good girl," Matt hummed with his head between my thighs. "Do I make you feel better than that ex-boyfriend of yours, darling?" He cooed, moaning against my clit sending vibrations through me. I bit my lip and nodded. "Did he ever eat your pussy?" He asked me. I meekly shook my head no. "What a shame, he missed out."
His tongue swirled around me in places no one had ever explored, sending a current through me I'd never felt before. "Matt, it feels so nice," I mumbled. "Good, sweetheart. That's how it's supposed to feel." My body started to respond without me telling it what to do. My hips bucked forward, grinding up against Matt's mouth, and my legs started to lock down around his head.
Suddenly, a feeling I didn't recognize started brewing in my lower stomach. It was like a twitch I couldn't control, and I felt something inside of me snap. It felt like an explosion. I threw back my head, and my eyes rolled back as I let out a final squeal. The wetness between my legs turned into a gushy mess, and Matt used his tongue to clean it all up.
"Oh my gosh. What was that?" I asked Matt, panting and looking down at him wide-eyed. "That was your first orgasm, sweetie. You did so good for me," Matt smiled, secretly loving that he was the first one to ever make me cum, even aside from myself. I'd tried masturbating before, but I always felt too guilty to finish, so I'd never experienced anything like what Matt had just done to me. "I didn't know I could do that," I whispered.
"We're not done yet, darling. I still have to purify you. That was just to get you ready," Matt looked up at me with a dark expression on his face. He took off his clothes, unzipped his pants, and took out his cock. It was bigger than Brayden's, longer and thicker. I couldn't lie that I was a little intimidated.
"What now?" I asked with my eyes glued to his hard shaft that stood before me. "First I need you to do the same for me and get my dick wet with your mouth, princess," he caressed my face with the back of his hand and brushed his finger against my lips.
"What do I do?" I asked. "Awh, sweetheart, is this your first time sucking cock?" He bit his lip, and I nodded. "Don't worry, princess. I'll talk you through it. I'm gonna need you to kneel down on the ground for me, okay, baby?" He told me. "Like when I pray?" I asked, getting up off the bed. His eyes twinkled with a dark satisfaction. "Yes, princess. Just like when you pray. Except instead of worshipping God, you're gonna worship my cock, okay?"
I kneeled down like Matt said, and he took his member into his hand, started stroking it, and told me to open my mouth. He placed the mushroom-shaped head between my parted lips and told me to suck on it like I would a lollipop, and so I did.
"Mmm, good girl. Now lick it," he said, and I started flicking my tongue across his smooth tip, which elicited a few satisfied sounds from him. "Now do both at the same time," he guided me, and so I did, and his breathing got a little heavier. "Good girl," he cooed. "Now, use your hand. That's it. Move it up and down. Oh, twist it a little as you stroke - oh yes," he smirked down at me while I did as he said. "Keep that up, sweetheart. That's perfect. You're such a good learner, aren't you?" He whimpered.
I was worried about disappointing him and messing up, but based on Matt's facial expressions and his verbal reactions, he seemed to be really enjoying it. Every time he praised me for the way I worked my mouth below his waist, I felt myself get wet again. Matt was such a good teacher. And he was so nice for helping me become a virgin again. I loved making him feel amazing. It was the least I could do. I did exactly as he said, put him deeper into my throat which tripped my gag reflex, and I was a little embarrassed as I started to asphyxiate with him in my mouth, but he relished in it.
"Good fucking girl, choke on it," he grunted while he looked down at my lips wrapped around him. I wondered if Matt should really be swearing while he was purifying me, but I didn't want to question him, and he was also really turning me on. "Okay, princess. I'm getting really close. Just keep doing what you're doing. Don't be afraid, but I'm gonna bust in your mouth, okay? Just swallow it when it comes out," he ordered me.
Anything to become pure again.
With a loud final grunt, I felt him fill my mouth with a sticky, creamy substance. I'd only encountered it once, and it was when Brayden came all over my stomach after we had sex, but I'd never had it in my mouth before. And it tasted unlike anything else I'd tried before.
"Good girl, can you swallow for me?" He softly asked me, and I choked it down. He looked at me mesmerized after it was over. "That was your first time? That was amazing." I nodded. "Well, you're a good teacher," I smiled at him.
"Lay back, baby, I'm gonna purify you now," he whispered, lining his dick up with my entrance. "Is it gonna hurt? You're so much bigger than Brayden" I asked, nibbling on my lip. He couldn't hide his satisfaction hearing this. "It might for a little, darling. I promise to take good care of you. If it hurts too bad, I'll take it out, and we can try again," he told me while he stroked my cheek.
He started to slide himself into me, and my jaw dropped. It was definitely big, and it definitely hurt, but Matt was being very sweet and gentle. I let out a small sob, and he hushed me and brushed my cheek with his finger, "It's okay, sweetheart. Be brave for me," he whispered as he slid into me further.
He tenderly started rocking his hips back and forth, getting me used to his girth, and suddenly, the pain was bleeding into a euphoric feeling. "Oh, Matt," I softly whined into his shoulder. "Feel good, sweetheart?" He asked me. "Mhmmm," I moaned. He thrust his hips a little faster now, and he went a little deeper now that I could handle it.
Suddenly, he hit something that started to feel really good. I felt that feeling in my stomach again like before. I felt another explosion as my legs trembled, and my eyes rolled back again. How was he so good at that? I felt myself tighten around him, hoping I wasn't hurting him, but instead, he was moaning and grinning down at me, so I was thinking he probably didn't mind. I saw stars this time. It was even more powerful than the one before. "Hold on just a little longer, darling. I'm very close," Matt whimpered.
"Does this mean you're about to purify me?" I asked through my breathlessness. "Yeah, the only thing is, I have to cum inside of you. It's the only way to purify you properly," he looked up at me with a malicious smile. Matt was the expert, so I didn't question him. "Okay," I mumbled.
All of a sudden, I felt him twitch inside of me, and he filled me with his warm, sticky goo. "Fuuuuck," he smirked as he started to slow down his thrusts.
Once we were done, Matt rolled over and laid on the bed next to me. "Good job, you were such a good girl for me. Now you're all pure again. You're a born-again virgin now," Matt whispered to me as he stroked my face.
"Oh, thank you, Matt!" I exclaimed, hugging him. "The only thing is, you can't have sex with anyone else now until you're married. If you ever get that urge again, you should come to me for help," Matt smirked. "Really? You'd help me every time I get an urge?" I asked him. "Of course, princess. My tongue and cock will keep you pure, baby."
After Matt helped me back into my clothes and kissed me goodbye, I went to walk him out. Just as we got out into my driveway, Brayden pulled up. "Don't worry, baby. I'll handle this," Matt looked into my eyes and whispered before he turned around to face Brayden. "She doesn't wanna talk to you," he said. "Matt Sturniolo? What the fuck are you doing here? Why are you with my girlfriend? Babe, why is this loser over here?" Brayden asked, looking at me.
"As far as I'm concerned, you guys broke up. And the next time you take an innocent girl's virginity, the absolute fucking least you could do is make her cum. Get the fuck off this property, or I'll make you, jackass."
part two posted here 💖
tags: @st9niolos @theyluvme-2315 @luvs4matt @mattsbrowser @ribread03 @sturniolo-girl @strnlxlqve
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likeumeanit9497 · 3 months
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the re-do, pt. 2 | m.s. |
matt sturniolo x fem!reader
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summary: one more time won't hurt anyone...right?
warnings: SMUT!!!; established friendship; unprotected p in v; fingering; dirty talk; choking; hair pulling; slapping; sneaking around; 18+
notes: here it isssss. in honour of almost hitting 1000 followers (WHAT?!?!?!), i wanted to release a part 2 to my most loved fic!! im currently posting this less than 24 hours before i leave for my trip to europe (yay!!), but unfortunately it'll be the last one i'll be posting for a while. saying that, i'll be back home august 1st and knowing me ill want to get right back into writing, so pls feel free to continue to drop requests over the next few weeks (as long as ur okay with waiting for a while!!!). thanks so much for all the love ya'll, ur the ones who make this whole thing so much fun!!
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Walking up to the triplets’ front door, I didn’t knock before turning the knob and entering the warm, familiar home. Nick, Matt, and Chris were finally home in Boston for a few weeks, and I was so excited to see them for the first time in months. They had just landed this afternoon, and although I told them I could give them some time to settle in, I couldn’t stop myself from driving over to theirs as soon as Nick sent me a photo of Trevor; proof that they were home and settled in enough.
“There she is!” Mary-Lou’s cheerful voice greeted me once I walked up the steps and into the kitchen. I didn’t have a chance to say hello before her arms were wrapped tightly around my frame; embracing me in a comforting hug. “How are you sweetheart?” She asked once she released me from her grip. I smiled. “I’m good! I’ve missed you all though.” I replied as she rubbed her hands up and down my arms affectionately. “I’ve missed you too! You hungry? I’m just finishing up some Shepard’s pie.” She walked back over to the oven, opening it slightly to check on its contents. “You know I could never turn down your Shepard’s pie.” I laughed.
“Where are the guys?” I asked, peering at the closed kitchen door. “Oh, they’re in the living room. I had to lock them out of here, they were driving me nuts!” She chuckled, pulling the casserole out of the oven. “You go ahead.” She urged, gesturing to the closed door. Sending her a warm smile, I opened the door and my eyes immediately fell on my three best friends sitting together on the couch in the living room.
“Y/n!” Shouted Nick, throwing his hands up in the air from his place on the couch. Matt and Chris both simultaneously peeled their eyes away from the screen and looked in my direction; their faces lighting up in smiles immediately before they all stood up to greet me. I hurried over to them and went in to hug Nick first, Chris next, then finally Matt.
I hadn’t seen Matt since the last time I visited them in Los Angeles, which also happened to be the time when him and I had fucked after filming their rated r Youtube video. Just like the time we had lost our virginities to each other, we hadn’t let the sex interfere with our friendship at all, and things hadn’t really changed in any way. Obviously, thanks to Matt’s failure at muting the Discord server, Chris and Nick were much too aware of exactly what had happened that night. But besides the painfully awkward morning after when I walked out of Matt’s room to find them eating breakfast — both avoiding eye contact with me entirely — things were fine with them as well. Once we spoke to Nick and Chris about it, we had convinced them both — as well as ourselves — that what had happened that night was simply a fleeting moment of nostalgia brought on by talking about our first time together.
But I would be lying if I said that as soon as I felt Matt’s hands on me I didn’t feel a shiver down my spine; or that when he whispered a breathy “I miss you” in my ear, I didn’t want to tear all of his clothes off right then and there. The sex we had that night, although spontaneous and probably wrong, was the best sex I had ever had. Once I left Los Angeles and made it back to Boston, I had fucked a handful of other guys — just trying to come even slightly close to feeling the way I had that night — only to be left feeling more and more disappointed. Matt and I knew each other far too well, and in some way it was like our bodies were tied to the other — first by losing our virginities to one another but then furthered by the crazy sex we had years later. I had accepted the fact that sex just wasn’t ever gonna be like that again, but now feeling him pressing against me, all of that acceptance just immediately vanished.
“How’s mom doing on dinner?” Chris asked, startling me out of my trance and walking in the direction of the kitchen door as I pulled away from Matt. “I think it’s almost done. But I was told you were banished from the kitchen, so stay away please.” I replied, walking over to him and tugging on his arm to draw him away from the door. Just then, the door opened and Mary-Lou appeared holding her own plate of food. “Please don’t destroy my kitchen.” Was all she said as she walked to the dining table with her plate, sighing as she did.
𓆩☆𓆪
After we all polished off the Shepard’s pie, we ended up on the couch watching a hockey game. I had curled up in a blanket between Matt to my right and Chris to my left, and was bathing in the contentment of just sitting with them in their family home, just like we did as kids. Even though I couldn’t give a shit less about whatever was happening on the screen, I couldn’t help but smile when one of them would scream, curse, or cheer as the game continued. As Chris was doing just that, I was pulled from my languid stupor by Matt tugging on the blanket that was wrapped around me; clearly wanting to share.
After spending some time with the guys, my filthy thoughts of Matt began to dissipate. After months of not seeing them, I had far too much time to stew over all of the flashbacks I got; causing me to create a certain image of him in my mind that had differed to the one I had of him before. But, after spending time with him in-person, I was reminded of the fact that he’s the same old Matt that I’ve known for years, and I was just too caught up in that one night.
Then, as if he was reading my mind, I felt fingertips gently graze my right thigh under the blanket. Immediately, my body began to react, and every place he touched felt like it was being set on fire. I gulped, and adjusted myself slightly before forcing my eyes to focus on the screen in front of me; deciding that ignoring these touches was the best thing that I could do. Still, he was relentless. His hand continued to travel all across my thigh, just a whisper of contact as if he knew it would drive me crazy. I shuddered, but played it off by pulling the blanket against me as if I was cold. Even though I knew he could tell that I was affected by his touch, I knew that my lack of acknowledgement was surely driving him crazy. My hunch was confirmed when he brushed his fingers lightly against my clothed heat; causing me to intake a sharp breath that I had to immediately hide with a cough.
This caught Chris’ attention, and he fixed his gaze on me. “You okay Y/n?” He asked, and I nodded frantically. “Mhmm. Just a cough.” My response was hitched as Matt’s fingers continued to tease me, and as soon as Chris fixed his gaze back on the tv, I grabbed his hand under the blanket and held it still; turning to give him a sharp glare. Once I turned to face him, I was met with a taunting smirk that caused something to stir inside of me. He then used his eyes to wordlessly gesture to the staircase; clearly proposing that we go upstairs.
I’m not sure how I gained the self control, but somehow I was able to shake my head sternly before drawing my attention once again back to the game. His hand stayed still, but it still rested on my thigh and I could feel myself vibrating under his touch. Then, he retracted his hand from the blanket and I had to stop myself from groaning from the loss of contact; knowing that I shouldn’t want to feel it again. From the corner of my eye, I saw him unlock his phone and felt myself relax slightly knowing that he had something to distract him.
Think again.
I felt my own phone vibrate in the pocket of my hoodie, and reaching under the blanket, I pulled it out to find a text from no other than Matt.
Matt: I need you
I had to fight to keep my jaw from dropping at his text, and I turned to face him but found him looking straight ahead at the game. Sighing, I decided to respond over text after turning my brightness all the way down to keep Chris from catching a glimpse.
Y/n: matt. we can’t.
I heard his phone vibrate beside me, and kept my gaze away from him as he picked it up. I only had to wait a few seconds for a response.
Matt: Yes we can
Matt: Please Y/n.
The clear desperation in his texts went straight to my core, and I felt myself on the verge of dissolving into a puddle right then and there. To make things even worse, Matt snaked his hands back under the blanket, grabbing my own and drawing it towards the crotch of his jeans. There, his cock was already rock hard, and I really had to keep myself from straddling him right there. I turned to my left to get a quick glance at Nick and Chris beside me. Nick was curled onto the couch, seemingly sound asleep, and Chris was fully entranced by the hockey game. Just then, a commercial break came on, and I turned to face Matt and gave him a soft nod. Immediately, a sinister smile crossed his face before he put his phone away and cleared his throat.
“Oh my god Y/n I forgot to show you the clothes I bought before I left LA. Remember you texted me earlier today telling me you wanted to see?” His lie fell from his mouth effortlessly, and if I didn’t know that he had ulterior motives I would never come even close to feeling suspicious. Without missing a beat, I followed along in his little lie. “Oh yeah! Where are they?” I responded, doing everything I could to keep my tone as nonchalant as his. “Up in my room, I haven’t unpacked yet. Wanna go see them now?” I bit my lip to keep myself from smiling. “Sure.” Was all I was able to say in response before hurriedly standing up from the couch. Matt shifted slightly under the blanket for a moment, obviously tucking his boner into the waistband of his pants so that it wouldn’t be noticeable, before following me towards the stairs. “Don’t be long!” Shouted Chris from behind us, “Ya’ll are gonna miss a good ass game.”
Quickly, the two of us climbed the stairs, doing our best to keep our composure until we were behind closed doors. We rushed into Matt’s bedroom, him entering before me, and I turned to quickly shut the door. Before I could even face his room, Matt pinned me to the door and his lips were on mine. A groan immediately fell from his lips as I opened my mouth to grant his tongue access; losing all sense of control as his hands roamed every inch of my body. My own hands flew to his hair, holding his face against mine as the kiss deepened even more. Our tongues swirled around each other, our mutual hunger for one another taking an almost literal form.
One of Matt’s hands travelled up my chest, tearing my hoodie up over my head in the process, before attaching to my throat. I gasped at the pressure, feeling my panties flood with arousal, and he tugged at my bottom lip with his teeth as he pulled away from the kiss; gazing down harshly at me. “How many guys have you fucked since I saw you last.” His voice was gravelly with lust, and his tone was so ominous that if I hadn’t known Matt for as long as I had, I would be afraid. Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain in my cheek as he slapped it. “Answer me, Y/n. How many?” I couldn’t keep the small smile from travelling to my lips from how turned on he was making me, but finally I was able to get myself to respond. “A few.” His pupils dilated.
“Oh yeah? How were they?” He was smirking, and I was thrown off by his words. Again, in my silence he slapped my cheek. At that, I couldn’t keep the lustful squeal from falling from my lips. “T-they were okay.” I lied, feeling myself tremble against the doorframe. At that, his thumb that had been soothing my sore cheek traveled to my mouth, pressing down on my lips and encouraging me to open up. I obliged, letting his thumb rest on my tongue before slowly wrapping my lips around it and sucking lightly. Matt’s eyes were glued to my mouth, but he continued speaking. “Just okay, huh?” He knew what he was doing, and I did as well, but in the state I was in I had lost all impulse control; so I fell for his trap.
“None were as good as you, Matty.”
I batted my eyelashes as I spoke, and immediately his lips were back on mine. Our mouths moved in sync as his tongue dominated mine, and I relished in the familiar taste of him. His burning desire for me fuelled my own, and as I continued to kiss him I felt myself growing more and more needy. As I released a frustrated groan into his mouth, I felt his hand travel to the waistband of my jeans where he hurriedly worked at the button and zipper. As soon as he peeled the rough material down my legs, his hand went to my heat; causing me to release a sharp breath.
“Mmm. So wet, just like last time.” He purred, dragging his mouth away from mine and down my neck; dropping wet kisses in its path. I was shaking from his touch, and subconsciously I widened my legs to give him better access to my aching core. Noticing this, he released a husky chuckle before slowly rubbing two fingers along my folds. “You missed this, didn’t you?” I immediately nodded my head as I nibbled at my bottom lip, needing him to touch me more. “I knew it.” His fingers slowly began circling my clit then, drawing satisfied moans from my mouth. “Yeah. I bet you touch yourself thinking of that night in LA,” His mouth was nibbling at my neck just below my ear, and the heat from his breath caused goosebumps to raise on my skin and my nipples to harden. “And I bet you pretend that your fingers are mine.”
Just as the words left his lips, he plunged two fingers up into me, causing me to gasp in pleasurable shock. Immediately, his fingers went to work curling up to my spongey g-spot and forcing my knees to buckle. Desperate for more contact, I wrapped a leg around his waist so that his fingers could reach even deeper into me. Hushed moans fell thoughtlessly from my mouth, and I prayed that no one in the house could hear them. I gripped helplessly onto the back of Matt’s neck as he rested his forehead against my collar bone, putting all of his effort into his plunging fingers.
“You feel good sweetheart?” He asked, his words coming out in short bursts as he continued his movements. “S-so g-good.” I replied carelessly, arching my back off of the door as I felt tension like a stretched rubber band grow in my stomach. Aching from the pressure, I reached in between my legs and began frantically rubbing my clit; desperately chasing my high. After just a brief moment, Matt looked down between my legs and, upon realizing what I was doing, slapped my hand out of the way and replaced it with his own. His fingers worked on my clit and my core simultaneously, and I lost all control over the erotic noises that poured out of my mouth.
“Shh.” Matt demanded, placing his own mouth on mine in a motionless kiss to stifle my moans. The stimulation was almost too much to handle, and I felt myself teetering on the edge of an overwhelmingly strong orgasm. “G-gonna cum.” I managed to spew out against Matt’s open mouth, and he hummed in response; keeping his pace on my heat steady. “Look at me while you cum, Y/n.” Matt’s voice was commanding, and without thinking twice I opened my pinched eyes and was met with his focused yet aroused gaze just before being overtaken by an earth-shattering orgasm.
As pleasure rippled through my body, my blurry vision never veered from his face as his fingers fucked me through my high. I bit my lip so hard that I left indents to suffocate my stream of moans before they could leave my lips. I felt myself squirt, the pressure that had built up inside of me immediately being relieved, and as I did he removed his one hand from my core and used his other to continue rubbing my clit so that the fluid sprayed all over the front of him and down my legs.
As I was still trembling through my high, I watched as Matt used his free hand to yank his jeans and boxers down his legs before plunging his hard cock into me. “Fuck.” We both gasped in unison as he sunk every inch through my walls, shuddering from the immediate pleasure that we both felt. Matt stayed still for a moment, clearly collecting himself, before pounding into me strenuously. Grasping onto his shoulders in order to stay grounded, I muttered nonsense as his cock slammed into my g-spot relentlessly.
“Fuck. Missed this pussy so fucking much.” Matt groaned in my ear, causing me to cry out as he drove his cock harder and harder into me; so hard that my head began smacking against the door frame. Suddenly, Matt’s hands snaked down to my ass, cupping it in his grasp and lifting me up. Still inside of me, he began walking me towards his bed on the far side of the room, where he placed me on the end of the bed and spun me around. I lay there like a rag doll as I let him reposition me into doggy, before I felt him slide his dick back through my opening.
“Jesus Christ.” I moaned, the new position deeper than the last as I felt every inch of him stretch out my walls and reach even further into me. Matt grabbed a fistful of my hair and I cried out as he used his grip to pull my head up off of the bead. With my back pressed against him, he covered my mouth with his hand as he peppered my sensitive neck with wet kisses. “You love my cock, don’t you baby?” He asked in a rough voice against my ear, and I nodded. Suddenly, his hand made contact with my throat and he tightened his fingers around it again. “Words, Y/n.” He said tauntingly, and I whined. “Y-yes. I love it Matt.” I managed to reply before he loosened his grip on both my throat and my hair, allowing my body to fall back onto the bed.
His hands found my hips, and he held them tightly as he continued thrusting into me. His pace was growing slightly choppier, and I smiled to myself maniacally, knowing that he was feeling good. As his rhythm slowed, I began moving my own hips up and down to meet his length. Noticing what I was doing, Matt stopped his own movements and allowed me to fuck myself on his cock. I heard his heavy breathing behind me as I continued to throw myself down on it, picking up the pace with each pump.
His hands gripped my hips tighter before he spoke. “Mmmm, slow down honey, gonna cum soon if you keep doing that.” I smiled to myself once again, and even let out a small chuckle as I continued at the same quick pace; wanting to make him feel good. The sound of wet skin slapping skin filled the space between us as I worked his cock up and down my walls, and I felt another orgasm approaching down my spine. “Matty, gonna cum again.” I whined as the build up became un-ignorable. “Me too. Turn around. Wanna see that pretty face while you take it.” His words went straight to my core, and I struggled to find the strength to do exactly what he said.
With his help, I flipped around so that I was now on my back looking right up at his naked frame. He gazed down at me with eyes so dark and filled with lust that I almost gasped from the stark difference from the Matt that I typically saw. Leaning over me, he drove his length into me again, grabbing onto my tits as he did; making me see stars. Matt grabbed onto my legs and bent them at the knees before pressing them down and allowing his cock so much access to the deepest part of my core that I almost cried in addictive pain. “You want me to cum in you baby?” He asked, his voice a whole octave lower than usual due to his aroused state. I nodded, before remembering to use my words. “P-please cum in me.” I added, feeling my own orgasm causing my walls to already begin to convulse slightly. Holding onto my knees tightly, Matt’s jaw went slack before he released a guttural moan, enough to push me over the edge for the second time tonight.
With his cock pulsing inside of me, I shook uncontrollably as my second orgasm tore through me without mercy. I clung onto anything that I could as I fought the urge to scream profanities out at the top of my lungs as my walls milked his shaft dry. Matt continued to thrust into me slowly, pushing all of his cum deep inside as he helped me come down from my high. Once my moans halted, he planted a soft kiss to my hand resting on his chest before slowly pulling his cock out of me; watching the mix of his and my cum drip from my opening.
Walking over to his closet for what I assumed was a towel, he chuckled. Still catching my breath and recovering from my tornado of an orgasm, I struggled to lift myself off of the bed. “What’s so funny?” I asked as I watched him walk over with a towel just as I suspected. Still smiling, he shook his head as he began cleaning me up. “Nothing. It’s just that shit is way too good.” I laughed myself at his words, because I unfortunately agreed. “It probably wasn’t the best idea.” I began as I stood on shaky legs to retrieve my lost articles of clothing. “The first time was purely practical. The second could be called an accident. But a third time? There’s no explaining that away.” I said as I dressed myself.
“What?” He started, walking over to where I was standing to retrieve his own pants. “You’re the one that said that good friendships include fucking each other every once in a while.” I rolled my eyes. I had said that in Los Angeles, but had meant it as a joke at the time. “I don’t know if fucking every time we’ve seen each other constitutes as ‘once in a while’.” I replied, running my hands through my messy hair in an attempt to remedy my fucked out appearance. With a sheepish smirk on his face, he shrugged. “I don’t know, I think it’s working out fine, don’t you?” I couldn’t contain my smile at this, giving away that I agreed. “And besides, no one has to know about this time. No brothers barging in, no Discord servers being left on. No one knows so there’s no need for an explanation this time.” He pulled me to his chest and hugged me for a moment, and I instantly felt more reassured.
“Ready to go? I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to see the score.” I laughed before pulling away from the hug and heading to his bedroom door. We walked down the stairs in a single file, and walked back into the living room with the intention of looking as inconspicuous as possible. Nick was still sound asleep, but Chris was wide awake, still staring at the tv. He was suspiciously quiet, but I allowed myself to believe that it was just because he was locked into the game, so I nonchalantly sat down on the couch beside him. Just as Matt settled onto the couch to my right, Chris cleared his throat before speaking. “So, Y/n. What was your favourite piece?” I turned to face him in confusion, and mentally scrambled to try to figure out what the fuck he was talking about. “The fuck?” I asked just as Matt pinched my thigh gently under the blanket.
As I realized that he was talking about the excuse that Matt and I had made to go upstairs, I watched as Chris’ eyes shot open and he pointed a finger between me and Matt. “I fuckin’ knew it!” I tried to speak, but I was completely incapable of forming a coherent sentence; let alone a believable lie. I heard Matt groan to my right. “You two fucked again didn’t you!” Still, silence.
Our lack of retaliation was enough to give Chris the answer he needed, and he rolled his eyes. “Jesus Christ, you guys are a couple of dogs.” He turned back to face the screen, but not before dramatically scooting a few centimetres away from me on the couch. I slowly turned my head to face Matt, and found him closing his eyes and biting his lip to stifle a laugh. At this, I had to cover my mouth to to the same, and I prayed that Chris couldn’t see my shoulders shaking as I laughed silently. My silent laugh seemed to be contagious, because I watched as Matt’s body began to tremble in laughter as his hand went back to casually resting on my thigh under the blanket.
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819 notes · View notes
spideyhexx · 9 months
Note
Sej and reader both sucking Snow off.... GSDDSSSSSSDDFFFCC
ANON! okay okay okay okay okay the gears are turning
mdni
I think this would start out with just you taking care of Coryo.
There was this routine as you're getting more comfortable with one another that Coryo would watch Sej fuck you and afterwards you'd take his aching cock in your mouth for a minute before he's undone.
So this time, it's going like it always does. Sej has you in his lap, you're hugging onto him as he thrusts up into you, taking full control so you just have to sit there and look pretty while he uses your cunt. This wouldn't be something that happens often, but maybe Sej was annoyed or frustrated about something and just needed something quick.
Meanwhile, Coryo sits in a chair near the bed, palming his bulge and thinking about it being him under you, but he knows that time will come. For now, he just anticipates the moment you and Sej finish and he can feel your lips around his cock again.
Coryo has to move his hand away from himself when your moans get whinier and Sej's hips start to falter.
His gaze would fall to where the two of you connected, watching as Sej's cock pounds up into you frantically until he spills into you with a loud groan.
Coryo takes note of how Sej holds you down so his cock is buried deep in you as you take his cum, your hips squirming as you reach your own release.
"Good girl, my good girl," Sej whispers to you, quiet but not too quiet that Coryo can't hear. Sometimes he felt awkward in this moment when Sej is comforting you and peppering kisses along your hairline, making sure you're okay.
He blushes deeply when both of your gazes turn to him and you crawl off of Sej's lap onto the floor, between Coryo's legs.
You give him a smile, your eyes already dazed from your release as you rub your hands up and down his thighs. "Did you miss me?" Coryo smiles at that, cradling your head with one of his hands. "Of course I did."
Soon enough, his pants and boxers were discarded to the floor and you're trailing kisses up his length. "No teasing tonight, please," he says, looking down at you with the most authority he can in this position.
You pout, "why not? I'm trying to make it last longer than all those other times, Snow." He knows you're referring to the fact that he always finishes quick.
Sej teases too, "She's not wrong, Coryo."
Coryo lets out a huff and holds your head with a tighter grip. "I can last longer." You raise a brow at him.
"I can. Are you gonna put your mouth back on me or do I need to do it myself?" His voice sends shivers down your spine. You've never heard him this commanding in any of your intimate sessions, but hope to yourself it'll stick around.
He takes pride in how your eyes widen, but that's all forgotten as soon as your lips wrap around the tip of his cock. Your eyes close in satisfaction as you hear him emit a low groan, his hand pushing your head ever so slightly to take in more of him.
And he keeps his word. You still tease him a little, keeping things slow, but he holds his orgasm off.
Coryo can't take his eyes off of you as you suck and lick at him and that's why he jumps when he hears Sej. "Darling, move over a little."
You take Coryo's cock out of your move, spit dribbling from his cock to your cheek and Sej sits on the floor next to you, using his thumb to wipe at your lips. You're looking at your man with just as flushed an expression as Coryo is and Sej smiles at you before turning to the man in the chair.
"May I?" His eyes flit from Coryo's cock back to his blue eyes and all Coryo can do is nod, his tongue caught in his throat.
Sej gives Coryo's cock a few experimental kisses, only to be met with his hips bucking and a smirk etching across Sej's face. "You think you can hold off now?"
Coryo rolls his eyes and Sej takes that as a challenge. He holds the back of your head and guides you to kiss up the side of Coryo's length and once he sees you get into the throes of it, he leans in and kisses up the opposite side.
Coryo for one moment doesn't know what to do with his hands, but then he puts one on your head, the other on Sej's. His senses are overwhelming him as he feels the two pairs of lips on him and he lets out the prettiest moan when you both reach his tip, practically kissing each other over his cock.
You opt to take Coryo's cock deep into your mouth as Sej kisses to his balls, sucking at the skin and then kissing his inner thighs. Sej nips at them and Coryo fucks up into your mouth. "What're you guys doing to me..."
You take his cock out to smile at him and Sej takes the opportunity to wrap his lips around Coryo, sucking harshly. You wrap your warm hand around the rest of his length and as soon as you give him a firm but gentle squeeze, he's exploding into Sej's mouth without any warning.
"Fuck! 'M sorry, 'm sorry," he's whimpering out, his chest heaving as he lets go, completely aware of how much he's cumming.
But Sej doesn't hold back from taking it into his mouth and once it becomes too much, he's moving over to you, grabbing the back of your neck and kissing you, letting you take some of Coryo's cum into your own mouth.
Coryo stares at you two in utter disbelief. The filth of looking at you two making out with his cum dripping out of the corners of both of your mouths is driving him insane.
Eventually, you pull apart from Sej, wiping at your mouth with the back of your hand and look back to Coryo. He's looking at you with heart eyes, his cock already hardening again and his mind a blur.
"See what happens when you last a little longer, Snow?"
let's chat about coryo, sejanus, or both, here :)
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running-with-kn1ves · 3 months
Text
Desperation
A/N: I wrote something very similar to this with the Belsire previously but I couldn't help myself 🙏
Belsire: male equivalent to the Beldam (Coraline)
CW: kidnapping, manipulation, sewing needles
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A beautiful lullaby hummed against your ear, fog-like breath both chilly and thick caressed against its shell.
You never imagined that he could sew; sure, he was keen to cook you extravagant dinners, you never saw him clean despite the crooked house always spotless, and the clothes that were put in your drawers were consistently washed-- but such delicate needlework? You didn't think the creature had it in him. His fingers seemed made for it though, long and spindly and black at the tips, they held the needle at a fine point, without having to lick the end of the thread before putting it through the eye.
"Stab the needle through the eye....wrap two knots around the tongue, and pull it out the mouth."
His low, rasped voice was unlike anything you've heard from the men in the "real" world. Its croaky demure made sound as if his vocal chords were on the brink of snapping. It was very few and far between that his voice resounded throughout the house in a thunder-like boom.
Tonight, was not one of those nights. Not unless you made an effort to wrangle out of between his stick-like forearms in the wooden chair and began yelling ungrateful spiels whilst staying in HIS house. He said it was yours-- your "other home," but since the gateway tunnel back to your original 1-bedroom apartment became nothing but sturdy drywall with a key hole, its been his. It was always his, you were just too blind to see past the beautiful illusions built for you.
"Just like that... mending is simple work."
You feel his left hand, the one once holding your torn cardigan steady, reach up to lay a cold finger beneath your chin. It rubs back and forth, relishing in the warmth of your throat, the soft flesh between your jaw and jugular.
The Belsire seemed to enjoy running his smooth, icy digits along your naked skin, brushing from side to side, up and down to dip against your collar bone. He relished your warm-bloodedness from how often he took advantage of it. It was a wild contrast to his ever-frozen, rigid body draped in fine blacks and bruised shadows.
"C-can you show me again?" You plead, hoping the end of this activity wouldn't be the finale before your demise. Each time you have one of these "bonding" sessions the Belsire encourages you to entertain him with, you anticipate it being your last.
Each day you wait and wait... wondering if he's hungry again, if it'll hurt, if you'll make one more frustrated comment away that'll make him snap and pick your bones clean.
"Again..?" He tapped thrice on your neck, a twitching habit that sent cold shocks through you. "Why don't you try it yourself this time, dear?"
The sweet, affectionate name oozing from his lips was unnatural-- and yet, perfectly normal for the creature of love seduction. How many had fallen for that same adoring title, only to find themselves now locked in his stomach?
You couldn't tell anymore what was genuine adoration, or a disturbing method at getting you to put your guard down. When he was angry with you, for hiding or attempting another escapade to get back home,  'dear' transformed to spits of "insolent one" and "maddening human", at the very least. On his worst days you were a bewitching, dimwitted little creature too stupid to be let free- better off in his hands if not crunched between his teeth.
"I'm not too sure, I might..accidentally stab myself with the needle, you know?"
You shrug in feigned helplessness, hoping your lack of enthusiasm wouldn't tick him closer to the dark side.
"If you do, then I'll lick your wound and we can start again. Give it a try, won't you? I've seen your work on my coats," he mumbles lowly at the rest of his comments, "and that damned quilt you seem keen to keep."
He muses at the mention of your skilled handiwork you sneak to do when he's gone away at "none of your concern" events. However he knew of your activities in this prison cell while he was out didn't surprise you; the house had eyes, in places you'd rather not think of.
You took the needle from within his delicate grasp, mahogany red thread swinging loose and ready to be tightly wound in your wine colored cardigan.
You copy the movements he had done a million times, though you really weren't watching when he had. It was hard to concentrate with your body shivering, waiting for a sharp dagger or set of teeth to find it's way buried in your back.
The Belsire seems to ease up as you begin to complete the torn cardigan hole, placing two abnormally long hands upon the sides of your shoulders.
"Don't move," he grumbles, almost annoyed at the idea. "Smooth and quite warm... I never understood the pleasure of keeping food around longer than it's due date. But you, little button... why, you're almost opening a soft spot inside of me.."
You didn't like the sound of that. A soft spot within him would certainly be something he sought to squash.
"Are you sure you want a soft spot? I'm not even sure where that would be."
You almost laugh at your own joke, imagining his crisp limbs deflated. If you were making a soft spot, you best keep at making it grow.
"It seems you force it in me, whether I like it or not. I enjoy having you to myself, to come home to... even if the idea that you're taking part of me, is... infuriating."
The Belsire leans deeper into you, pressing the inside of his thighs against yours, craning his neck downward.
"The unfortunate part is, I think I may fall apart if you disappear."
You see the looks he gives from the corner of your eye; dark, empty buttons staring into you, awaiting your reaction. Was this another attempt to swoon you?
"Then I guess that means you can't eat me."
You sigh, hoping he'd agree. And oddly enough, he cracks a grin.
"I guess not. Though, don't hold your breath. I can't make any promises as to what my temper will lead to." The bridge of his nose is uncharacteristically pressed against your cheek, black dots boring holes into you. "On the topic, I'd be less inclined to eat you if you accepted my present..."
You round off the last bit of stitching, only to see an all too familiar velvet box on your left. It was open, music box playing a soft melody as a range of colors and sizes in buttons were available to view.
"I... I still can't, give you an answer." You go back to tying an end to the thread, praying for the Belsire's eerily calm mood to stay uninterrupted.
He goes quiet, habitually running a thumb down the shell of your ear. The chill was almost welcoming, soft flesh touching your heated one. It felt... genuine, a form of physical affection that was done for his pleasure more than your own. It would be comforting, if you weren't waiting for him to explode.
"I expected as much," he calmly huffs, shutting the box with a single finger. Its harsh snap made you drop the thread. "But you can't expect me to wait forever; you aren't going home. You will remain here, either as my slave, or my spouse. The difference is whether I have to force these buttons on you, or you take them willingly."
"I.. I just need a little more time. I haven't-- I'm not-- done adjusting. I'm not used to this world, like you."
You've given up pleading; for all you knew, there was no way back home that either of you could conjure. This was your fate.
Like a doll he dressed and cleaned and made a perfect dollhouse for, you were to sit here and provide him the comfort he could not create on his own. Like a god, creating his creatures of free will, he relished in the uniqueness you offered without him having to fabricate it first, the obedience you gave from fear in your own desire rather than a direct command.
A long silence left the air hanging stagnant, your patchwork sitting in front of you, finished and yet not quite the same as it once was. Why couldn't you go to the store and buy a new one, spend frivolous money and speak to the miserable cashier that reminded you humanity was still alive?
"...Fine. But not much longer, my sweet button...this-- mortal flesh still tying you to your world, has kept me at a distance I do not wish to stand at." A soft kiss, from creased, inexperienced lips touched the top of your cheekbone. "I want you for myself... I don't like not getting the things I want. And, I want you far more desperately than I imagined."
His voice was stoic, gentle and logical despite the romantic lines that were fed to you. Spindly fingers pulled back pieces of your hair, caressing the skin on your face with soft strokes. Like a human would do to an animal, running his knuckles against your cheek and his fingertips along your jaw.
Just a simple touch and turn of your chin was all it took to make you look at him.
"Don't make me wait. I will have you, and I want it to be because you will it. Please, don't make me do what neither of us want."
His tongue was warmer than his touch, somehow. Maybe it led to his even warmer heart, but you doubted it. Even with the way both his large, balmy palms were gripping beside your ears, pulling your face to touch his in a dance of lips and stolen breath, you wondered if this was just another web of lies spun to create your damnation.
But the desperation in how he swallowed you whole, pulling your hands away from the touchy needlework he was once keen on making you finish-- there was something human about it all, something touchy and irritable and obsessive. If he wanted you desperately then, you could only imagine how horribly ridden he was now, feeling your warmth as he made you colder with his hands and wrists, him never changing.
You peeked an eye open, wondering if those buttons stayed all-seeing, all watching, even when you kissed.
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flavorcountry · 4 months
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I got a cold and watched that Jenny Nicholson video about the Star Wars hotel (it's very good) and fully lost my mind: even after experiencing a comprehensive four-hour deconstruction of why it didn't work for Star Wars, I still think a version of this would absolutely work for Star Trek. Take my hand and walk with me on my journey into madness, where I have infinite money, talent, and team to make it all happen!!
Overall vibe
If you want to make a hotel/resort experience that takes place inside a fake spaceship, I still think Star Trek is the way to go: so much of Star Trek takes place on ships, and we've seen the rooms are pretty nice!! Like the Star Wars one, my Star Trek hotel is also a simulated starship, but with better rooms and more fun stuff to do.
Are you ready for this shit
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Can you tell I drew this myself
You'll arrive at Farpoint Station,* where the concierge checks you in and your luggage gets whisked away by station staff. Gift shop's also here. When you're checked in and ready to head to your room, you're brought to one of several transporter rooms. If you never went to the Star Trek Experience at the Vegas Hilton when it was active, I am truly sorry for you, because they had a ride whose boarding process included getting beamed away: you and your pals were herded into a zone where you were clearly meant to board a run-of-the-mill 20th-century simulator ride, and then there were jets of mist and a sound and suddenly you were in a transporter room on board the goddamn USS Enterprise NCC-1701-D. It was fucking magical and I never, ever want it explained to me. Anyway, that's what happens to you at my Star Trek hotel: you step onto a transporter pad and get beamed from Farpoint to a Galaxy-class Federation starship. Exit the transporter room and walk down the ship's corridor to take the turbolifts to Cargo Bay 1, where a "temporary muster point" has been set up (this is where the guest services desks will be), or just follow the lit-up companel signs to your cabin. Yes, it will look like guest quarters aboard the Enterprise-D, more or less — maybe a little smaller — but it'll have the carpet, the plant, the glass coffee table, and most importantly a window that looks out into space.
Or!!! If you booked the resort, keep heading down the hallway and take another turbolift to a different section of the ship where the holodeck entrances are. The holodecks, naturally, are running a Risa program, so you walk through the doors and under the arch and suddenly you're outdoors looking at a beautiful landscape with a pool and whatnot, plus the resort accommodations where the more conventional fancy rooms are, and also the restaurants and entertainment venues, all themed. There's a Quark's. There's a Klingon bar and grill. A Bolian salon/spa. Talaxian arcade?? Nausicaan axe-throwing pit?!?! Come on!!!!!!!!!
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Here, have a floor plan
Key learnings
Two things stuck out to me that the Star Wars hotel fucked up that I think the Star Trek version can do better:
🤷‍♀️ LARP too complicated: Give 'em credit where it's due, the Star Wars hotel fucking swung for the fences trying to make a multi-hero story guests could integrate with, but it just didn't work. Technical failures! Possible conceptual flaws! Too much stuff packed into the schedule!
The fix: Just make it mostly a hotel most of the time. One or two weekends a month, there's a two-day fully-immersive LARP adventure that people explicitly book separately, and it's more expensive (more on that later). But at all times, hotel staff will be in uniform with division colors that make sense: concierge and guest relations in red, support and janitorial in gold, teal for any medical personnel. I think that means the people working in food services have to wear that plaid/vest combo the Ten-Forward staff have on, but there are certainly worse outfits.
🌴 No resort: The food at the Star Wars hotel was good, but there was no pool and no other luxury resort type stuff to do. It didn't sound relaxing.
The fix: Putting an actual resort in the Star Trek hotel under the guise of a permanently-running Risan holodeck program. The sheer elegance of it!! When the weather is bad, hotel staff in gold uniforms can make apologetic comments about how the sim's malfunctioning.
Roleplay though
People are going to want to stay onboard the ship. That's good! The thing about the ship cabins is you can build them in maybe two semicircular layers (the rooms will need to be curved because these are quarters onboard the saucer section, naturally) and just bury them underground. They don't need real windows — you're putting screens in that'll show a space view, especially when the ship goes to warp and you can see those rainbow trails. Inside the semicircle there's a lot of space where you can put the other, bigger sets: the bridge, main engineering, Ten-Forward, etc. None of those have real windows either, and also I don't think it matters where you put them physically: just stick a pretend turbolift in front of all the entrances and make guests take those whenever they need to go there! One thing we're also doing is putting little hidden speakers everywhere that put out a small amount of shipboard white noise; it may not even be noticeable on a conscious level, but it'll be there and it'll be soothing. This speaker network is also a great way to make an actual announcement if there's a real park emergency.
During most of the month, I think the bridge and main engineering are mostly just photo ops — maybe you have to book a timeslot? Just so you're guaranteed some time with just you and your buddies? But I also think there should be opportunities for what I'm going to call mini-LARPing: you and your pals can book an hour-long session and the staff trains and then runs you through a short scenario. If you've ever played Artemis or the actual Star Trek VR bridge crew game they put out a while ago, you know where I'm going with this: for however long, you and your friends are now the crew of a genuine-ass Federation starship trying to survive a battle! It's fuckin' Kobayashi Maru time, motherfuckers!! Everyone gets their own station! Lights flicker! Mist shoots out of stuff! The whole bridge shakes! There might be a warp core problem — better call down to main engineering! Whoever's down there gets escape room-style minigames and puzzles to work out and help their shipmates. At some point — and this will happen in every run of every scenario — there'll be a very mist-forward "coolant leak" near the warp core that forces whoever's in the room to duck and roll beneath a descending garage-style blast door before heading up to the bridge to activate their station up there; bonus points if the player can work in a "We lost a lot of good people down there, Captain." Maybe there's an actor in makeup who menaces the crew on the main viewer from time to time (pick beforehand from a list of villains! want to fight Klingons? Romulans? a rogue Borg tactical sphere? etc). Can you see it? I can see it, and it fucking rules.
I must at this point mention that in my world, you can buy an add-on where a camera crew joins you, and they cut up the footage afterward to make you and your pals your very own mini-episode. Yes the editing and post-production are expensive and time-consuming; I'm creating jobs here!!!! Maybe …… okay, hear me out: there's an array of hidden fixed cameras and microphones built discreetly into the set, and also players are issued a combadge with an individual RFID tracker that pings the cams and mics, so they only save footage when a player comes close. After the players are done, a machine algorithm uses the data gathered to assemble a rough timeline of each player's material and create a draft movie that a human editor can pick up and fine-tune. Yeah?? When you check out, you get handed a USB drive that looks like an isolinear chip with your mini movie on it, and maybe another one with all the raw footage just in case you're feeling ambitious!!!!
For one or two other weekends during every month, there's a heavily advertised, much more involved, and way spendier LARP for people who really want to get into it. It takes place over two days. There are lots more actors portraying characters necessary for the plot/gameplay. Don't bother packing for the daytime: all players are issued a uniform they get to keep afterward. Do I have any details on the scenario or RP? I do not. But I fully believe it's possible to construct something you could run over the course of a weekend that would keep a hundred paying guests occupied, amused, and delighted, provided you have a truly ridiculous amount of money and people, which I do because this is utter fantasyland.
Also it probably won't cost six grand. Probably??
Let's gooooooooooooo
The rest of the time — and I cannot stress this enough — the Star Trek hotel is just a very heavily and specifically themed all-inclusive resort that has nice, fancy rooms and luxury amenities plus bookable ship cabins and opportunities for photo shoots or quick one-shot roleplay adventures for the real heads. You don't ever have to enter those latter parts if you don't want to! You can just hang out at the resort and have fun with all the themed entertainment, which I must stress is going to be both in-universe plausible and great, with something for everybody. Yes, there'll be a daycare, and yes, Flotter will be there in some capacity to entertain the kids. The food hall is my favorite part by far; I could pitch you Trek restaurant concepts all day. Romulan gourmet soup stand. Gummi candy store staffed by Ferengi where all the offerings are shaped like alien bugs. A vending machine where you can get a jumja stick or a three-pack of those nutrient pucks Picard and his new friends kept getting in "Allegiance." There will be an entire plant-based food vendor with a wide variety of delicious options for all meals, and it will be run by Vulcans.
A word on the gift shop
Question for you: have you ever watched a Star Trek show and seen a Starfleet officer pull on a jacket or shoulder a duffel bag that had the words "STAR TREK" on it? If so, then friend, I want to know where you get your hallucinogens because I want to experience this exactly once. All of the gift shops on my hotel grounds sell responsibly sourced, highly thought-out, well-made items that would be in-world plausible and have no obvious branding. Of course you can get a hand-carved horga'hn, but let's go bigger. Why not a light-up Tox Uthat for your nightstand? Ressikan flute for you, queen? How about a whole-ass knife store that's nothing but various kinds of Klingon cutlery? There will absolutely be an entire tailor's shop whose whole job is to put you in the Starfleet uniform of your choice; there may or may not be a Cardassian managing the place who's got a 50/50 cheerful/menacing vibe going on. There'll be not one but two stores that sell little models of ships: the regular ones and the gold ones. Don't tell me you can't picture it!!!!!
I think that's about it
Thank you for coming along with me on this bespoke journey into 100% insanity; now can somebody put me in touch with the Star Trek licensing people and also give me a billion dollars to build all this? Okay, thanks a lot!!
For timeline purposes and because it's fun, I'm positing a version of Farpoint that got built after the events of the TNG premiere where the Denebians got their act together and just built a normal surface base without suborning an interstellar lifeform.
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mcflymemes · 11 months
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"OOPS... I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU" PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary
maybe i've developed feelings.
did you just expect me to keep my distance?
i'm afraid you'll break my heart.
i've had feelings for you all this time.
consider it a crush. just a crush.
i've been meaning to tell you the truth about my feelings.
i can't really help how i feel, now can i?
have you noticed the way i stare at you?
i can't keep lying to myself about my feelings.
it's all right if you don't feel the same.
it's difficult to be around you and not feel this way.
you make it easy to catch feelings.
you showed me kindness when no one else would.
how long have you felt this way about me?
i'm not very good at concealing a crush.
would you consider it a crush, or would you consider it... more?
i knew you had feelings for me.
why did you lie about how you felt?
you make me dizzy just by looking at me.
i can't keep myself together when you're near me.
i didn't think you'd ever feel the same way about me.
it's only a crush. it's harmless. it'll go away.
we're not supposed to feel this way.
from the moment we met, i knew.
you're rather cute, you know.
i can't exactly control my heart!
this isn't some thing i can just turn on and off at whim!
these are feelings! real feelings!
do you feel the same or not?
do i even have a chance with you?
could you ever see me as more than a friend?
do you feel anything when you look at me?
i've had a crush on you ever since i can remember.
i'm not blushing!
that was really sweet of you.
no wonder everyone gets so flustered around you.
i don't blame them for staring. i mean, look at you!
you're a very beautiful person.
anyone would be lucky to have you in their life.
was that kiss too much?
maybe i never should have told you how i feel.
forget i said anything to you at all.
you're not like the others. you're special.
you just made my heart skip a beat.
am i blushing?
you have a tendency to make things more difficult... yet more fun.
i'm at quite a loss for words.
you really don't know your effect on people, do you?
i think of you very fondly.
if it were possible, yes. i'd be with you.
if only we could make this work between us.
i'm afraid to feel more than just an innocent crush.
who told you i had a crush?
you're still trying to make me blush.
i'm really infatuated with you.
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fatuismooches · 2 months
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More Dottore and Fragile Reader voice lines, except it's your turn this time. A part two to this. Previous voice lines are here.
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About Prime Dottore:
"Zandik. My one and only… words cannot express my tenderness and love toward him. I refuse to forget any moment I've spent with him. Not once has he given up on me, despite the times I’ve given up on myself. And he has always taken care of me, not once faltering in over four hundred years. I- I don’t know what to do sometimes when faced with that information. I wish I could be… less of a burden on him…”
About Omega:
"Omega, huh... he is the only segment where I always spend time with completely alone. See, he's not prone to sharing, just like Prime. I don't mind much, honestly, it's nice to get away from all of the noise and be with him. He always coaxes me to be more selfish too... is it a good or bad thing he's influencing me?"
About Alpha:
"Yes, the grumpy cutie I met all those years ago, the start of it all. He says that my presence is a hindrance and it only disrupts his work, but we both know that's false. Often, I like to sit by him as he writes his notes, pointing out all the errors caused by the atrocity of his handwriting... Sometimes, I feel bad using him as a reminder of the past."
About Beta:
"It always baffles me that Beta was once how Dottore acted. I mean, have you seen the difference between 'Mega and Beta? Anyway... he's always such a fun segment to hang around! Even when his assistants cower behind me in fear! Oh, and whenever he goes 'he-he-ho-ho', it always makes me giggle. Please don't tell him I did that impression of him though."
About Delta:
"Oh, Delta's... pretty mean. A really big meanie, if I do say so myself. He never laughs, never smiles, never entertains my shenanigans, always sees right through me... so rude. Huh? Don't worry about me, I'm allowed to talk about him like this. I still love him, after all."
About Zeta:
"Zeta's always so elusive! It was such a pain to track him down at first, he was always avoiding me. I thought he hated me... but once I got a hold of him, he is always so attentive to me! However, it greatly saddens me that he thinks he "failed" me... and yet he doesn't know how much it hurts me more that I've caused him to be like this."
About Zandy:
"Have you met my son? He's the sweetest little thing, isn't he? I remember how shy he was in the beginning, but he quickly grew to be such a dear. Always so excited and eager for attention. I can't help but wonder if Dottore's life could have been different if more people were kinder to him as a child."
About Pierro:
"I will always be indebted to him and Her Highness for taking me in. He is pretty scary to be around, but I feel sort of bad for him. I can't imagine how much responsibility he has... I once promised him I'd work for the Fatui once I'm better, but he didn't react much. Hmph, I'll show him how much I can boost Dottore's efficiency!"
About Capitano:
"The only thing I really know about him is that he's incredibly strong and well respected, at least from other people. The single time I met him, I also learned he was quite well liked by animals too, but it's hard to get any more information when he's so quiet..."
About Columbina:
"Bina is the best friend I've always wanted. I'm glad she's always there for me whenever things go bad. Although I can never predict what she's going to do or say, which is pretty strange, considering who I'm with, that makes her company all the more fun. Still, the amount of embarrassing situations she's tricked me into with Dottore... makes my head hurt."
About Arlecchino:
"I wish we could be closer, but I don't think it'll ever happen. I can't really blame her though, the relationship between her and Dottore is... not the greatest, for reasons I understand. I wonder what she thinks of me, the person who still stands by his side despite his sins?"
About Pulcinella:
"Oh... the little grandpa? I've always wondered how he's the fifth rank, but there's probably more to it than I know. Regardless, I didn't expect him to be so kind to me. I only see him once in a while, but every time he seems to know how I'm doing. And then, he proceeds to give me the best advice, exactly what I needed to hear at that moment, even when it has to do with Dottore. It's kind of scary..."
About Scaramouche:
"Ah yes... the Balladeer. He always wants to start up something with me whenever we cross paths, which is why my patience runs very thin around him. I hope the next time he goes into the Abyss, he gets stuck there."
About Wanderer:
"Who?"
About Sandrone:
"Her research sounds so cool! I've seen some of the things she can create, and it's completely fascinating. I too once had a love for machines back when I was a student. It's just a shame she never comes out of her lab... there are never any chances for me to talk with her. Well, I can always talk with Alpha and Beta about their research at least."
About La Signora:
"I've barely ever seen or spoken to her, but she has my respect. I heard what happened to her husband. If I ever lost Dottore, I'm not sure if I'd be able to go on... or at least be as half as strong as she is."
About Pantalone:
"Oh, Lone's one of my good friends! He always has such unique ideas for me to get back at Dottore, and listening to him talk about his theories quite reminds me of listening to Dottore. He's helped me a lot, dealing with this man. Still... as he does with everyone, I'm kept at arm's length. It doesn't bother me, but I wish I could help him in some way. But I know that'll never be possible."
About Childe:
"Despite being a Harbinger, he's a lot nicer than you'd think. Well, especially compared to the others in the Fatui. He's great at conversation, his family is the sweetest... and he always promises to spar with me once I'm no longer sick. Truly great company. Too bad Dottore's attitude toward him is... less than favorable."
About Furina:
"At first I hated her just like all the other Gods, but after learning the truth, I can't help but greatly respect her. To take on such a burden without having a single shoulder to lean on and succeed in the end... I think I've been through a lot of pain, but at least I've had Dottore and the others to ease it even just a bit. But she had no one, and I admire her will."
About Nahida:
"I try not to waste my time on things that upset me. It's not good for my health."
Sprint Start:
"No, no, I am not running at all. Look, if I get hurt and Dottore finds out it was your fault, you'll be the ones strapped to the table, not me. Hey... I wouldn't mind being in that position, actually."
Chat - Worry:
"I hope that one day he can make peace with himself."
Chat - Old Times:
"Sometimes I wish I was just a simple student again, having no worries other than my grades and pulling all-nighters with Dottore. Actually, that doesn't really sound relaxing, does it?"
Chat - Idling:
"If you're just going to stand here doing nothing, then I'm going to take a seat over there."
When it Snows:
"Would you be willing to distract Dottie so I can chuck a snowball at him? No? How boring."
When the Sun is Out:
"It's a perfect day to have a picnic and listen to him rant again."
In the Desert:
"... Omega, Beta, Delta, I don't care which one of you does it, get over here and make your hands completely ice cold before I faint."
Something to Share - Talent:
"If you ever need help writing something, you can ask me. I wrote some pretty good essays back in the day, you know. Dottore once said I should even write a book! I thought he was bullying me, but he was actually serious, for some reason. Maybe I should get Zandy to draw some pictures?"
Something to Share - Secret:
"Dottore actually has quite a sweet tooth. Well, this probably isn't much of a secret anymore because I accidentally spilled it to the agents, but it would do you good to keep this in mind."
Interesting Things - Foxttore:
"This little guy here? He'll do you no harm unless I say so, so don't worry. He was one of Dottie's failed experiments roaming the lab until he gifted the creature to me! These pufflings too, surprisingly they help me a lot more than you'd think. They're pretty strong, carrying all my things."
Favorite Pastimes - Meals:
"It's time to eat already? No need to worry about me, I'll just wait for a segment. See, it's best for both of us if I have company while I eat. My hands... aren't the most reliable."
Troubles:
"I am very happy that they have a good place to conduct all the research they want, but I wish they paid some more attention to me sometimes. Voicing this complaint over and over again, however, is too exhausting."
Amusement:
"Dottore's fan club never ceases to amuse me. I know every Harbinger has one but... it's completely hilarious. To go so far as creating a handbook about the two of us... well, I appreciate the dedication and the laughs, especially when I update Dottore on their activities. He may not care, but I support them!"
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strwberri-milk · 5 months
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Lyney, Furina, and Scaramouche (separately pretty please) reacting to finding out reader’s ex best friend was spreading nasty rumors about her and people are now avoiding her and giving her side eyes because of them even though they aren’t true. Thank you, my day sucks
my only piece of advice for you is that it'll be okay. if people believe those rumors then you're better off without them bc they're not people who truly care about you. i had a similar experience recently and ive thankfully come out the other side and reminded myself of the same thing. people who care about you would never hurt you and if your "friend' is able to do something like that to you it's because they werent really your friend. you'll meet new people or reinforce current relationships who make you so much happier than they ever did.
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Lyney's immediate instinct is to go knock some sense into the person who hurt you. However, he knows that what you need right now is comfort, not for someone to go and stir up the pot and create more drama. He'll be there to let you vent at him, wanting to support you emotionally but is definitely thinking up ways to get back at them.
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Furina is very good at comforting you. She listens to everything you have to say, all the hurt you're holding and gives you supportive words in return. She wants to make you feel better after all and wants to know what you need from the situation to feel better. She's less likely to actually confront them but she's there to hold you and tell you that none of those things being said about you are true.
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Scaramouche seems a little uncaring at first. He listens to everything you have to say and doesn't contribute very much but that's because he's internally logging everything and figuring out how to get back at them and how drastic his response should be to each thing you say. When you've finished venting at him he'll tell you not to worry about it anymore and that they're just idiots that have no idea what they're talking about. He'll take care of everything overnight - he's not going to let someone get away with things that easily.
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Scared I won't be able to resist when (if) he tells me to come back
Scared that he won't
#doll#went from angry to numb n i can feel my resolve draining away#i don't know if i've ever disobeyed a direct order before i'm not sure i have it in me#it'll probably be a day or two at the least before he'll msg he's probably waitin for me to crawl back n apologize#but i. don't want him to touch me anymore. i don't want his hands on me.#before now my instinct was always to go to him for comfort n safety even if he was the one to hurt or scare me#after the latest..i just didn't want to. just curled up there on my own. he didn't try to touch me either but idk if that was#cause he could tell i didn't want him anywhere close to me or if he's just withholding all affection as punishment (again)#somewhere behind the numbness i can feel the pain startin to take over. idk how to survive this. it's gone bad before but he never went#that fully back to the way he was at the beginning in this system. i don't understand what happened#was it all an act up til now? or did i get too close n he chose to push me away for good instead of takin the risk n lettin someone in#i know a lot of it was just lies n pretense n misdirection to keep me around n under control but. everythin?#every little change since the start?#i don't wanna think about it cause if it's true i only got myself to blame n i can't i can't i can't#i gave him everythin i gave up all of myself n now that there's nothin left to give the act is up n he just goes back to the start?#like nothin happened like he didn't tear me apart n throw me out like trash when he's done#how do i stop caring how do i stop lovin him? i don't want it anymore but it's all i've ever known n idk if there's anythin else left in me#spdrvent
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midniiights-garden · 9 months
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Mizu realising she's in love/a lesbian [Headcanons!!]
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(A/N: I feel like this is like... already a given but please remember that these are HEADCANONS!! She does not have a canon sexuality. And I know it's mostly the lesbians who haven taken over the show but my content is available for everyone to see and I wanted to remind everyone that I am not going to tolerate slander or trash talking because of a personal opinion. You are entitled to your thoughts and I am entitled to mine.)
Possible TWs!!: Mentions of sex and sexual encounters, M*kio (you cannot stop me from putting this man as a warning I hate him sm), Canon typical violence, Racisim, Homophobia, Mysogyny (did I spell that right??)
Firstly I wanna address her relationship with Mikio in order to fully understand my headcanons.
Personally I do not believe that Mizu actually "loved" Mikio in the romantic sense. She thought she was in love, but in the end it wasn't.
Speaking as someone with a lot of personal trauma regarding relationships myself I realised that I couldn't differentiate between romantic and platonic love. Basically, for me, all I saw was that someone was treating me nicely for once and now I'm attached to them. And for the longest time I thought that was what love was.
And I think Mizu experienced something similar.
Basically, when Mikio treated her like a fucking human being she was like "oh, hey this is nice. This is weird, but it's nice. So I guess I'm in love, right?"
Like, no, baby. You aren't. That's just called emotional trauma.
That's also why she thought she was straight for the longest time because she genuinely cannot tell when she likes someone romantically.
As I often restate it'll take a while for her to fully understand the extent of her emotions, but she'll get there.
Now onto the fluffier stuff :))
~~~
How does she realise she's in love? What's her reaction to it?
I think she gets hit with the realisation as if it were a train crashing into her.
It's just a normal evening, she's probably at a ramen shop with her future S/O with her and then as she's taking a bite of her ramen she looks over at you and thinks: "Huh... I wonder what it would be like if I got to hold them?"
And then it's just a record scratch moment for her where she's like wtf where did that come from.
It's either just normal domestic moment like I mentioned or her future S/O sparring with her (which may or not freak her out bc of the fucking Mikio incident).
But when Mizu successfully pins her S/O down they just laugh and smile, knowing Mizu would never hurt them on purpose.
That made Mizu's heart flutter more than anything Mikio had ever done for her.
She's going to be in denial about it for a long time. Like... a really, really long time. Cue the "but we're just friends"!
How does she react when she realises she's into girls?
Due to the internalized homophobia instilled within her as a child and other such thoughts she starts to think she may be going crazy.
She'll start to pull away out of fear, not truly understanding her emotions.
Which, of course, will hurt her future S/O and cause them to worry.
Seeing her future S/O so distraught kind of triggers something in her. She realises that there's nothing inherently wrong with her, that she's still a person and the person she likes is still a person and that there shouldn't be anything wrong with liking her S/O. She also just didn't like seeing you worry over her, it hurt her more than any blade that she's been stabbed with.
Now onto her actual physical attraction.
Once the whole emotional side of it is somewhat sorted in her mind she finds herself not so subtly staring at her S/O's tatas.
She doesn't strike me as someone with high libido or anything despite what I've seen a lot of headcanons say. But I think shes the kind of lover to enjoy getting her S/O off a lottttt
I don't believe she was ever really attracted to Mikio sexually but seeing her S/O's kimono slip off their shoulder to reveal some titty has her red and hot.
She likes that it's soft. She really likes the softness of her S/O's body.
~~~
(A/N: That's all!! I feel like I was terribly self-indulgent with this one but there are a lot of aspects in which I relate to Mizu with. Which is probably why I care a lot about representing her correctly. As usual, feel free to comment or send asks to my inbox!! I hope y'all enjoyed <33)
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Rock bottom (But you pulled me up) (Ingrid Engen x Reader)
I'm trying to work on my requests and WIP, but inspiration is lacking so I thought I'd try something new. This is my first time writing for someone out of the uswnt and in this style so please let me know what you think.
Warnings: Mentions of depression, anxiety, brief emotional abuse. Slightly suggestive at the end. Anything I've missed let me know.
Words: 2.8K
You could tell Ingrid was hurt, it was written all over her face. She had made you a lovely dinner and just wanted to have a movie night after not spending much time together. Yet here you were making an excuse to leave once again, you felt like a horrible girlfriend. Ingrid had taken the time to do something nice for you, but you couldn't get out of your head enough to enjoy it. Before you had the chance to get up, Ingrid uttered those three words that sent dread coursing through you. "We need to talk."
You swallowed hard before speaking, "About what?" 
"You barely spend anytime with me anymore. You never message me first, we only do stuff because I organise it. I don't feel like you want me anymore. You're slipping away. Are you trying to get me to break up with you because this hurts so much more than just doing it yourself."
"No! Ingrid-" Tears stung your eyes as you tried desperately to keep it together. Afraid that if she saw how broken you were she would just leave. Things had been difficult for you lately, you were depressed, anxious and stressed. You felt so close to rock bottom, as a result you had been pulling away from Ingrid. The last thing you wanted was Ingrid to leave you, but you also didn't want to be a burden to her or scare her away with your emotions. 
"Then what is it? Did I do something wrong?"
You could practically see the hope disappearing from Ingrid's eyes the longer you didn't answer, leaving hurt in its place. "I feel like when I see you, I need to be able to give you 100% of myself, of my energy and time. I can't do that right now and it makes me feel guilty. Like I'm a horrible girlfriend, that you deserve better than what I'm giving you."
Ingrid took your hand, everything in you fighting the urge to lean into her touch, to fall into the comfort you knew was waiting. If only you could bring yourself to accept it. The voices of your parents and ex-girlfriend hung in the back of your mind stopped you though. The voices that told you you were a burden to the people around you, that everyone had bigger problems to worry about and didn't care about you. The voices that told you Ingrid deserved better than you and your problems. 
"Elskling, relationships don't have to be equal all the time. There's times where it'll be 50/50, but there's times where you give 90% and I'll give 10% or the other way round, sometimes it'll be 70/30 or 60/40. You get my point. What's going on? You haven't been yourself lately and it's really worrying me. Talk to me please."
You sighed pulling away from Ingrid to cross your legs under yourself, grabbing a cushion to hold. There was a part of you that thought being single would be easier, that there was less risk of hurting Ingrid that way. At the same time you knew it was those stupid little voices in the back of your mind that kept pushing that thought. You loved Ingrid more than anything in this world and deep down you knew she loved you just as much. You didn't want to let everyone else win, you didn't want to let your mind win for once in your life. 
Talking about feelings was incredibly hard, it wasn't something you could do while being comforted by Ingrid or anyone really. "I'm sorry for the way I've been acting lately, it's not fair to you and I know that. I-I'll try to explain it all, bu-but I need you to be patient with me. Just let me speak and not touch me, I can't do this if you do."
"Anything you need. I just need you to know that whatever you tell me, I won't ever judge you. I love you Y/n, I love you so much."
"I love you Ingrid. I'm sorry if I ever made you doubt that. Okay, so I um I think I need to start with why I have such a hard time letting people in, especially those I love. My family, well to put it bluntly they're assholes. They were constantly putting down everything about my sister and I, nothing we ever did was good enough. Any problems we went through were nothing to them, they always told us that people had bigger problems, that they had bigger problems and we were just adding more stress to their lives if we talked to them about anything remotely not positive. Tha-thats the short version anyway. My uh my ex was pretty similar, she would tell me that she had better things to do then deal with my trauma or depression. If I was unhappy she would turn it around, say that she wasn't enough to make me happy. Even before her, I majorly struggled with my feelings and opening up to people. Fear mostly, that's why I um haven't told you anything. Fear that I'll be too much for you and that you'll leave me."
Tears threatened to fall, but pushing them back you continued talking. "I'm really struggling right now Ingrid. My depression is the worst it's been in years. The anxiety just sits there constantly under the surface making it feel impossible to breathe. Constant doubt about if I've made the right decisions, if I'm good enough at football, if I'm good enough for you, there are so many more things I could list. Sometimes I feel like everyone would be better off if I just packed up and left. I'm so sick of feeling like this, but I don't know how to get it to stop. This is probably one of the scariest things I've ever done, but I've had already almost lost you Ingrid. I can't let them win by actually losing you. I love you so fucking much, I can't lose you Ingrid, I can't."
Tears were near pouring out of you both as Ingrid sat there for a second. When you didn't speak she must have decided you were finished talking because the next second arms wrapped around you so tightly and you completely broke. Ingrid held you tight until the sobs turned to sniffles then you feel silent. Ingrid's hold never completely let go, it was like a life line at this point. 
"I love you Y/n. I loved you before and I still love you just as much now. I'm not going anywhere. Nothing your parents or ex said is true. I always want to know how and what you're feeling, I will always be here for you. No matter what your mind tells you, you are never too much for me or for the team or anyone who truly loves you. Our lives are so much better with you here so please don't even think about leaving because we will miss you. I will be here every step of the way while you figure things out, I will help you get the help you need. If you need space, I'll give you that, but if you need me here then I will always be here. I know you feel like you need to be giving me all of yourself, all of your energy, but you don't. Even if you can just give me 1% until you get over this bump in the road then that's enough for me. You are enough for me Y/n."
"I think there will be times when I need to be alone, but most of the time I just really want to be with you. I need to work on accepting that I deserve your love and comfort so I actually seek it out when I need it or want it. Some reassurance every now and then will help I think. Can we talk about the next steps tomorrow? I just want you to hold me right now."
"I will give you all the reassurance you need and more. Have you eaten today?" Ingrid asked, but the look in her eyes told you she knew the answer so you just shook your head. "Okay, I'm going to order some food while we cuddle here then we can go to bed."
True to her word, Ingrid held you tightly while you lay on the couch, staying close to your side during dinner and as you got ready for bed. "Thank you, for everything you've done, for being here, for loving me."
Ingrid kissed you softly, before pulling away and leaving soft kisses over your face, "Always."
Lying in bed later that night, head resting against Ingrid's chest, you decided to admit the one thing that kept swirling around your mind, "I think I need to take a break from football. Not the training, I think that helps me, but games. The pressure that comes from each game feels like weight being added. Makes me feel like I'm being dragged further down into this hole."
"Okay, if that's what you feel you need then we can talk to the coaches or Ale and she can sort it out. I know the thought of telling anyone else what is going on is scary, but Ale or anyone else on the team aren't going to judge you or think any less of you because of it."
"I think maybe we can talk to Alexia, not tell her everything, but the jist of it."
"I'll be by your side when you're ready." ---
It had been a few weeks since the talk with Ingrid and since you made the decision to stop playing in games for a while. The only person who knew why was Alexia, it was clear that everyone else was worried, but until now you hadn't felt ready to tell them and thankfully they didn't push. 
There was still a long way to go, but things had been slowly getting better over the last few weeks. You had started seeing the team therapist multiple times a week and had restarted medication for the time being at least. Everything was starting to become clearer, you weren't as anxious all the time, you were becoming more willing to talk to Ingrid, to actually spend time with her without worrying about not being enough, and smiles and laughs were becoming more genuine when they did happened. 
The team had been amazing despite not knowing what was going on, they were as supportive and loving as ever. So you decided it was time to let them in a little bit. You squeezed Ingrid's hand, getting her attention as you spoke quietly, "Can you get their attention please? I know they're worried about me and I think I'm ready to tell them."
"Hey! Can we have your attention for a minute."
Once everyone's attention was on you, the anxiousness started to creep in, but with Ingrid's hand still firmly holding yours, you took a deep breath and spoke, "I know you've all be wondering why I've effectively benched my self the last couple of weeks and I want to be honest about it. I've uh I've been um struggling a lot mentally at the moment and I decided I needed a break. The pressure was too much, I couldn't handle it on top of everything else. So uh yeah, I don't want you guys to keep worrying about me."
It was quiet for a few seconds before many arms wrapped themselves around you, mumbled we love you's and we're proud of you's were heard as you sunk into the arms of your teammates. Surprisingly, Mapi was the first to pull away, cupping your cheeks as she spoke uncharacteristically softly, "You keep doing what you're doing and come back to us when you're ready. You always have is in your corner Y/n. We are so proud of you and we love you. If there's anything you ever need you can come to us okay?"
"Thank you Mapi. Thanks all of you." --- A few months had passed and you were finally feeling like yourself again. There were still hard days, you were pretty sure there always would be, but you were genuinely happy again most of the time. You found yourself more willing to open up to not just Ingrid, but some of the other girls you were closest to. It was safe to say your life was pretty well back on track, there was just one thing left to do and that was get back to football. You hadn't told anyone of your plans to start playing games again, you had just been put in the line up as a sub, but after conversations with the coaching staff you knew you were likely to come in at half time. 
When the line up came out, Alexia was the first to notice and speak up effectively getting everyone else's attention, "Y/n?"
"Yes Ale?"
"Is there anything you want to tell us?"
Ingrid looked at you confused as you shrugged trying to be as innocent as possible while knowing exactly what she was talking about. "Oh really? Well how about the small fact that your name is on the substitute list again?"
"Oh yeah. That is a thing I guess."
Smiles grew on everyone's faces as it clicked what was happening. Ingrid practically jumped on you repeating over and over how proud she was, kisses placed over your faces. The team joined not long after, everyone cheered and congratulated you. 
"Okay okay, you can let go of me now. Yes I finally feel ready to come back."
Once everyone had let you go, Alexia pulled you up into a hug. Since she found out about your struggles, Alexia had been amazing. She was always subtly checking in whether you were at training or not, she would pull you away when everything got too overwhelming and Ingrid was busy, making some excuse so know one else would know the truth. Alexia was always just there in a way that was subtle and comforting. "Well we're so so glad you're back. I'm so proud of you Y/n."
"Thank you Ale, for everything."
As soon as your foot hit the pitch, you felt the excitement, adrenaline and happiness that you thought may have been gone for good. You felt yourself falling in love with football all over again, it was like the final weight had fallen from your shoulders. There would always be bad days or even bad weeks, you knew that, but with Ingrid, your family and your new found coping mechanisms, you finally felt ready to face them. 
---
You arms wrapped around Ingrid as she chopped the vegetables, she briefly turned to kiss your cheek before going back to her task. "Hi Elskling, you played really well today. How did it feel?"
"Hey love. It felt incredible, I know I needed a break, but man did I miss it. Anyway, enough about me I have a surprise for you. I was originally going to give it to you after dinner, but I can't wait anymore. Here." You replied, placing an envelope on the counter in front of her. You could never express how thankful you were for everything Ingrid had done for you over the last few months, for sticking by your side through everything. So instead you had decided to start with a few days away in Venice. It was something she had wanted to do for a while and you decided to make it happen.
 Ingrid looked at you for a second before opening the envelope, a smile appearing as she looked at the tickets inside. "What's this?" 
"I know what you're going to say to this, but I am so thankful for everything you've done for me. Sure we've spent a lot of time together, but it hasn't been the quality, good time you deserve. So you and I are going to spend a few days alone in Venice in a couple of weeks when we have a bit of time off. Now I don't want to hear any buts or I didn't have to do this, just say you're excited and give me a kiss."
Ingrid cupped your cheeks, allowing you to press her against the counter as she pulled you in for a lingering kiss. Just as Ingrid went to pull away, you cupped the back of her neck pulling her back in as the kiss grew heated. You didn't want to say that you stopped enjoying Ingrid's kisses because that's impossible, it was just intimacy beyond cuddling between the two of you had dropped off to almost nothing the last few months. There were still short kisses here and there, but you couldn't get out of your head long enough to actually be present for anything more and that wasn't fair to Ingrid. Your lips moved along her jaw as a quite moan slipped past Ingrid's lips.
"Di-dinner," Ingrid moaned as your hand slipped under her shirt. 
Ingrid's legs wrapped around your waist as you walked back to the bedroom, "Dinner can wait."
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