#I actually really like this but if I go truly finish rendering I want to add some spider lilies and maybe actual bones instead of just blob

[wistfulcynic]

just finished a full rewatch of OFMD season one, which i'd not done for a while, and am now deep in the shrimp emotions. Why is this show so good.

specifically i'm thinking about the beginning of 1x07 when Ed says he's thinking about leaving. On to the next adventure, etc. He says it so casually, like it's no thing at all, and it makes me wonder how that scenario might have played out.

There was a meta i read shortly after the season aired (sorry, can't remember who wrote it) which said basically the plan to leave is Ed's way of protecting himself. By that point Ed knows he's falling for Stede, they've had their almost-kiss in the moonlight, their tender bathtub moment. Ed knows, even if it's only subconsciously, that if he stays he'll just fall deeper and harder and that will leave him vulnerable in a way he's not quite ready for.

so i wonder what would've happened if he had left then. Not with Calico Jack in all the heat of fraught emotions but on his own terms before his feelings for Stede grew beyond his ability to control them. i wonder how he'd have coped with losing Stede then.

because at that point, he's got no real reason to think his feelings are reciprocated. Stede clearly likes him, says flat out that he's Ed's friend, but nothing he's said or done would lead Ed to believe it's anything more than that. And Ed, as we know, is convinced he's unlovable so of course in his mind Stede could never love him.

which means that if he'd left then he wouldn't actually have lost anything. Stede and the Revenge could be kept as a lovely memory of a brief good time in his life. He might pine a bit, maybe give himself the luxury now and then to think about what if, but i don't believe it would ever reach the point of painting cake toppers or even crying in a dressing gown. i think, honestly, that had he left then Ed would've been okay, or at least not significantly worse than he was before. Still bored, still wanting to get out of piracy, still feeling sad and lonely and unloved but at least he'd have the memory of his friend.

what eventually renders that scenario impossible--what makes him leaving on his own plausible while he could never truly have left with Calico Jack ("never left")--is that by the end of episode 7 Ed has started to have hope. He's started to think that maybe his feelings aren't one-sided. Maybe he can actually have Stede. Maybe he can actually be happy.

i've often thought (as ofc have others) that it wasn't the loss of Stede as such that brought on the kraken era. If OFMD had ended with a successful talent show and Ed and the crew deciding to be a sailing theatre troupe instead of pirates, even without Stede, Ed would've been okay. Broken hearts mend. What tipped Ed over the edge was the loss of his hope, and the better life he thought he'd found a way to have.

not quite sure where i'm going with this if i'm going anywhere, just... it's an interesting contrast and imo a quiet turning point that neatly underlines just how important this is happening really was.

[teleport-warning]

Day 13: past; mushrooms

[moonstruckdraws]

The Changes Through Time

And my project is finish! My gift to the CAS series and @somerandomdudelmao! (This is technically supposed to be for the 1 year anniversary of CAS, but I don't have the time to post it on the 12th and I don't understand the queue system lol)

I deeply love this series as I have made fanart for it before several times and honestly it really improved my art. Cass is also an amazing creator and I look forward to anything they post in the future.

(A bit of a spiel about the illustrations from this point on)

I was honestly going to go for more of a tarot card style with boarders and everything, but as I was composing the 1st illustration, I ditched the idea and just when for simple text. The third image (like how tarot cards read the past, present/current, & future) was going to be the present, but honestly I was confused enough trying to decide which illustration was the past & future with the first two. Plus the "current" state of the story doesn't have much significance yet (and references of them aren't made because it's generally their other outfits) so I went with their spirits!

1st illustration: Representing the start of it all with the current state of all the characters. Of course we didn't know the condition of Raph in the beginning, but since he remained static until Casey found him I believe it's safe to assume that he was in that state the whole time. This illustration is unfortunately my least favorite because it's not rendered the same as the others, due to it being the first fully rendered image I've done in a while. But oh well, I still like it for the most part.

2nd illustration: Representing all of the turtles resurrections with a group hug. Not much else to note about the meaning other than the fact that I almost gave Leo an arm that he does not have. This one was also the greatest to render as I had the most fun with the bright colors. This one is definitely my favorite.

3rd illustration: Representing the turtles spirits when they were dead. Though the last one was the best to render, this one was the best to compose as a whole. Mikey and Donnie were the easiest to do since their broken states were shown in the comic, but with Raph and Leo I had to be a bit creative. With Raph I wanted to show the lack of his senses due to being in a robot for a long time and everything being subconscious. It's not as strongly detailed as the others, but he did have the most stable conditions compared to the rest of his brothers. With Leo I wanted to display his lack of self physically. Since he was fading away, at first, I wanted his spirit to be more faded and weaker compared to the rest.

Nothing else to be said that wasn't said before, but I am very glad that I started reading CAS. I've never felt more invested and moved by a fanmade comic before, so this experience is actually life changing for me. And seeing others fanart for it only inspired me! I am truly amazed by Cass and this series. Happy early 1 year anniversary

[amerricanartwork]

Current digital art process!

Acting on @shkika 's request because making my redraw for this post actually ended up giving me more confidence in my digital art process! As such, I'm gonna use it as a reference. And if this walkthrough of sorts turns out nice, I might do it again as my process evolves!

I started off with a quick sketch of sorts, trying to focus both on movement and volume, and get the general idea of where each element is located. I edit the image dimensions and placement of things a lot in this phase, as my ideas often tend to change once I actually begin drawing them. In this case, as I got it down, I decided I wanted it to look like some cheesy animal motivational poster, so that influenced where the text was.

From there, I began to clean and sometimes edit the sketch, mainly by thickening the lines to make the shapes more definite, and erasing what wasn't necessary and interfered with other parts. Volume is one of my biggest focuses in my drawings, so I try my best to get the volume of each character at least hinted at with the lines. This is something that will probably remain in my process for a while, as I quite dislike doing separate lineart and like the messy, sketchy feel anyway.

I also wanna mention, in addition to having references and such in other windows, I've recently begun having a second mini window of my current drawing off to the side so I can see what it looks like overall more easily, regardless of how much I zoom in on and flip the main window. It's quite helpful!

For reference, this is what the final sketch looked like:

Then, I went on to add the flat colors. Another tip: I almost always set my sketch layer to "Lumi & Shade" because I think it makes the line colors a lot richer, but since it's based on what colors are underneath, it colors the lines a lot more individually than changing the sketch color as a whole. Here's some comparison to a version without the effect (left):

Then, I add some shading using a (really nice) marker brush. This is honestly one of my favorite parts of the process, just trying to carve out all the volumes, especially since I usually use a pretty blue color for shadows!

Sometimes, I honestly just leave drawings finished at this step, because I adore the sketchy look so much, and because I really don't like the tediousness of more realistic rendering in the painting process; from what I've seen/experienced, it often involves having to basically paint the entire image over again, which I've realized I find REALLY boring (and is also why I clean the sketch instead of making a new lineart layer). As such, one of my hopes is to reach a point where I could almost completely avoid having to clean up the image in a traditional painting method, instead being able to lay down lines and colors so well that they convey nearly all the volume necessary on their own, still have that sketchy appeal, yet also look finished and professional.

Alas, I did do a bit of clean up on this image, but I think it still turned out alright!

Here's the finished drawing! I'll have to practice with this process a bit more to truly solidify it as my digital go-to, but nonetheless, I think this came out adorable! Thanks again shkika for the ask, and thanks to @mintscampi for the sweet prompt! I hope you guys like it!

[tamelee]

hi tamelee!

I'm here to ask for a little bit of advice if that's okay (: about a month ago I bought a Wacom drawing pad so I could start experimenting with digital art. artists like you here on tumblr have really inspired me to start making art. but I feel kinda.. lost. I've been mostly drawing naruto manga caps and I'm getting better but I guess I don't know where to go from here. coloring and shading scares me lol. I'm using clip studio paint and it's just a little.. intimidating. I feel discouraged, like I won't be able to do it. how did you do it tamelee? did you watch a lot of tutorials, or did you experiment until you figured things out? any advice you'd have for a beginner artist I'd really appreciate.

thank you veryvery much for your time ^^

Hi Nonee! 🧡 Sure!

Oh I think that’s a very good place to start. As well as drawing subjects you like ^^! Hmm, tbh I’ve just experimented a lot, but I don’t think my way of having done things was the most efficient. You might want to follow tutorials step by step? You can try coloring only with flat colors until you feel a bit more confident with that as well as cell-shading (toon-shading/non-realistic, like in anime) instead of rendering further as that can all be confusing at first. I personally never truly understood shading until I studied cell-shading and made my art a lot more readable. A lot of Anime uses this; 

You see how there is a base color, a darker color for shadows and highlights? (Sometimes not even highlights.) 

When you start to study it from existing work you’ll start to notice things like color always being in the same area of saturation and when you suddenly have a color that is way more saturated than the other it can look off. (See example.) But this is a guideline, not a rule. In your own art you can especially use saturation and brightness to help aid you to direct a viewer's focus and even tell a story.

I LOVE ‘How to train you dragon’ and ‘Kung Fu Panda’ for this because their coloring is so inspiring and if you truly want to learn from professionals... well those are the type of media to look for of course! I have an entire folder to inspire me just based on those.

Do you see how calculated those color combo’s are?!?! Here you see both analogous and complementary schemes and it is actually through looking at the things I like that I learned it >< The orangey colors stand out and are bright which helps you to focus on that area whereas the complimentary scheme is used to bring characters together.

If drawing Manga-caps is something you love to do, then maybe for coloring you can study screen-caps from Anime or even other animated films. I’d recommend to take it step by step, though I haven’t really applied it myself, from the video’s I’ve seen and artists I’ve followed it is always advised to have an art-goal that you can work toward. Maybe you first want to focus on lineart and then laying down a base color where the colors are harmonious and next would be cell-shading maybe and then you can start adding another light-source etc- eventually you can decide to create more depth or practice with monochromatic coloring, maybe even greyscale to learn values. But right away that can all sound a bit intimidating doesn't it? Find things that you like and then maybe you can open them in your program and just study. Find a brush you like, put on some music or a show on the background and for a moment play around with it without needing to create a finished piece. This is also how I learned how things like adjustment layers work or what all the different kinds of tools do. I have to agree with you, CSP is intimidating for me as well >< so this is kinda how I approach it as there are so many add-ons and additions within it but I try to only learn what I need for that moment so I don't overwhelm myself.  I definitely try to find video’s that can help me with creating Manga though! ^^ There are plenty!  It'll get easier eventually, you'll learn the program and you start to recognize placements for shadows and you will get a feel for the coloring- no worries 💪 Learning something new will always stay intimidating, every time I open up a new document I feel it too. It's not easy at all, but you kinda have to allow yourself to experiment and even make mistakes because practice is never perfect. I have some beginner tips written here- I hope any of this is somewhat helpful 🌷🫶

[ozwuv]

I would like to draw more but I find myself overthinking it and then losing motivation. So, I was wondering if you ever had a similar issue and if so what do you do to stay motivated and not overthink?

Really good question actually!

What nipped the overthinking for me was just completely dropping the planning stage of drawing. I don't put much thought into composition, colors, etc. I don't have any solid ideas of how I want things to look before I begin. Obligatory disclaimer that this is from my perspective as a hobbyist and therefore not practical for an aspiring professional, & this is gonna sound like BS but hear me out lol

Most of the time the only things I have in mind are 1. What character(s) I want to draw and 2. A vague idea of the atmosphere I want the finished product to convey. And "finished" can mean a lot of things -- a messy sketch can be finished, a fully rendered piece I spent an entire day could be finished. A common pitfall people fall into is having an impractically rigid idea of what a "finished" drawing is and subsequently what they want their art to look like, all the bells and whistles etc, when realistically your art is never going to look exactly how it did in your head. But is that really such a bad thing?

I guess the overarching concept is to just fall in love with the process and enjoy the journey rather than the destination. This obviously sounds easier than it is in reality, but imo people focus way too hard on what they're producing rather than how and why they're producing it. Other people loving what you draw and praising it is wonderful, but if you don't enjoy the process, what was the point? Drawing (and I would venture to say most other forms of art in general) becomes a chore with that mindset applied.

A lack of planning may very well mean you wind up drawing a lot of stuff that doesn't seem interesting, maybe haphazard, difficult to parse, etc, but this is all your perception. It's cliché, but there is always going to someone out there that adores something you think looks like a dumpster fire, and that applies to the things you draw too. Over time, just doing whatever you want and enjoying the process has this trickle effect that will improve your output. In the same vein, constantly overthinking will also inevitably trickles into your output. You can often tell when someone enjoyed the process of something they drew vs when it was just a slog for them to get through (at least relative to their other works).

I would venture to say that you could spend your entire life studying and could be the most technically knowledgeable person about illustration ever in the world, but if you don't genuinely love the process, your work will never be as good as it could be if you did.

If you finish something and think it looks like shit that's always a bummer, but if you had fun with it, I think that was time worth spending. I've said this before, but most of the time I only truly dislike something I've drawn when I spent any part of the process frustrated with how it was going. It's counterintuitive, but I really think that placing so much emphasis in how you want the finished product to look is what ultimately is going to make it look like shit to you.

All that being said, once you do get past that initial overthinking phase, you can start to get more specific with planning and whatnot. The key is to just stop holding onto the idea of what you want and allowing things to develop as you go. Your art will naturally improve this way since you're actually enjoying it. To me, that's what people mean when they say they can tell something was made with love.

Side note: Let go of the need to be consistent/have a developed style. Just let yourself be inconsistent. You don't need strict consistency unless you're like an animator who needs to keep characters on-model or something. Experimenting is not only way more fun, but leads to improvement and discovering new things to implement into your process/style at large.

Tl;dr just get a lil silly w it :3c

[sapphire-weapon]

The scene when Clive took Jill's powers came across kinda funny to me, it was like she was putting the idea out there for discussion and then Clive was already sucking the Eikon juices out of her before the words "are you sure?" had finished leaving his mouth. Like chill bro, maybe let her confirm it first.

It wasn't about taking her Eikon; it was about having and seizing the opportunity to be bonded as one with Jill. The entire scene was a metaphor for sex (which is stupid because they actually have sex for real after it's over, but I guess the devs wanted it to be as clear as possible without having to actually render and animate Clive pounding into her), which is why he's both overeager about getting started and also why he asks for consent several different times.

He did the metaphorical equivalent of pressing the tip of his cock against her hole and then stopping and going "wait, I want you to be absolutely sure, before I do this."

That's why Joshua is so fucking pissed off when Clive tells him that he took Jill's Eikon -- why he insisted that Jill didn't "really" consent; she just didn't say no. We, as the audience, know that that's not true and she actually truly did give her consent (it was her idea in the first place), but the whole thing is so sensitive and personal and intimate that Joshua has every reason to think that Clive actually took advantage of Jill. ("You knew damn well she'd never refuse you!")

He knew how much Clive wanted her -- has always wanted her -- and the idea behind the conversation is that Joshua's screaming at Clive for using "hey I might die" as an excuse to manipulate his way between her legs -- to use her instead of letting the relationship progress naturally with the two of them continuing to stand as equals. He's basically accusing him of pumping & dumping her.

It was such a weird decision on the part of the writers to frame it this way, though, because like...

Clive doesn't actually enjoy taking people's Eikon powers from them; it's not like he gets off on it normally. He actually resists it every single time it happens -- and, in Odin and Phoenix's cases, actively tries to fight against it and begs for it to stop. It's both physically painful and intrusive for him, and it alters and takes away something from both parties that can't be undone or given back (or, at least, that's what the game wants us to believe, until the end of the game happens and Jill still retains all of her ice powers and Dion can just control Bahamut again and w/e it's fine shut up plot and gameplay contrivances are happening).

This scene also happens right after Barnabas tells Clive that his purpose in life is to feed, and, the more that he does it, the more that he'll want to do it. So, it almost comes off as Clive hearing that and then turning around and going "you know what, he's right. Hey Jill--" before going right back to not wanting it/resisting it immediately after.

But FFXVI has a lot of problems with its storytelling like this, where the game sets something up and then it goes nowhere and is completely forgotten about and never mentioned again, so I mean.

You know, whatever.

[liquorisce]

What are some of your favorite fics? It doesn't have to be aot or something you've written

omg tysm for this question I love talking about my fav fics ESP BC SO MANY OF THEM ARE NON AOT 🙈🙈 I had to go to my ffn favs for this hihi

so this is list is home to the fics that I have truly idolised, read repeatedly and tried to emulate in some way or another in my own writing journey:

1. Heartbeat by letmeannoyyoutoday. U must have heard me screaming about this fic before. It is god tier, the angstiest, the most painful Sasusaku you can imagine. There isn’t even smut in it but still I’m rendered a sobbing mess everytime I read this story. And I read it every fortnight or so, I swear. canonverse. sasusaku get married.

2. The most dangerous things by Childoftheashes. Man this fic is the tastiest thing in the ichihime fandom istg. Ichigo is unapologetically horny and bossy and slutty and I love everything about it. Orihime is absolutely clueless and drives him up a wall and it’s literally completely smut! This author is one of my smut senseis. I also really love "chasing paper tigers like dreams" by her.

3. Sometimes I think the stupidest things by starsinew. Ok I’m sorry for putting this here bc this user doesn’t have this fic up anymore (I managed to find the epub and thank fuck for that) but I had to talk about it bc this fic changed me on a fundamental level. I fell in love with it so much, even to this day I look back at it with an education lens as to how to write smut. God tier. I hope this author is well and living their best life.

4. Friends with Benefits by confused panda bear. Syaosaku, card captor Sakura. Again a story that doesn’t exist anymore online but I still remember some of the dialogues bc they were so iconic. Definitely a primer on smut writing for me. I invite you to check out their other stories tho they’re literally the harugou mother, birthing the most insane crackship in the free! fandom and getting everyone else drunk on it thanks to their god tier writing.

5. Clarity by randomteenager — angsty but silly gruvia. i love it so much.

6. Seeking Ginny by Casca. Harry/Ginny fic with heavy emphasis on Ginny's personal growth.

7. How to Coexist by Spoilerarlert and also washed up and rundown, I haven't finished it yet but fuck its amazing so far. Both are modern AU stories, one in NYC and the other in Chicago. I can't recommend this author enough, they have a very original and compelling style of writing.

8. Little Beast by herblacktights. This is my fav modern au, high school eremika. If you haven't heard me raving me about this fic already then ur obviously new here. ITS AWESOME! go read it now

9. Dog by Ackermom. floch x eren at it's unhealthiest best. canonverse. This author is one my favs actually, I devour ALL of her work, no exception. I also really enjoyed her reibert fics.

10. Icarus & I by bluinary. Armin-centric. Modern AU. I read this many years ago but I think of it often. I loved Armin's journey in this fic.

11. Three Days by Lotos-Eater. Canonverse. An angsty smutty Shikatema fic where Shikamaru thinks he's lost her.

12. For everything there is a season by SouthSideStory. If y'all are sasusaku stans then you know SouthSideStory already. She's phenomenal. This one is angsty sequel which delves into Sakura's feelings post miscarriage. I highly recommend the prequel as well.

13. Fool for you by Hand of Destiny. Syaosaku. Card Captor Sakura. Syaoran is a business mogul from a very traditional Chinese family. Sakura is an innocent girl who decides to try giving the escort profession a go. God tier, I swear. It also has a sequel!

14. lost girl & found boy. eremika. lost girls-verse. mikasa wants to know how babies are made, etc. cw: teen pregnancy.

15. all you want by senlinyu. i just binged this yesterday. holy shit. it's the big daddy of m/f omegaverse fics, I swear. dramione. canonverse + omegaverse. really really good!!!

ty for the question <3

[lovesosweeet]

better left unsaid // cth

chapter thirty five

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters

october 17, 2018 london, england calum

My sister insists that I spend our short break after the American leg in London. We made up our San Diego and San Jose shows yesterday and the day before, and I immediately went to the airport after the show to head to England. I got here around 12:00 local time, and Mali greeted me at the airport very happily. I wasn’t in the mood, but it is always nice to see her. 

She took me back to her flat where I took a nap after not sleeping at all on the plane, but she woke me up promptly at 6 pm, saying she has dinner reservations for us.

I’m still not in the mood.

Today should have been my two year ‘official’ anniversary with Orion. In my eyes, I was entirely hers and hers alone since we met at Space Monkey, but I know that’s not how she viewed it. I should be spending the day with her, but instead we’re on opposite sides of the world, both miserable. I assume she’s miserable. If how much misery I’m in is any indication of how she’s doing, I can’t imagine she’s doing well.

And I don’t have cancer.

Mali and I are tucked into a corner booth at her favorite restaurant. It’s dark in here, with soft ambient lighting and candles at each table. It would feel romantic if I were here with Orion. 

“Alright, I know you’re kinda down today,” Mali starts, and that’s where I stop her.

“Kinda down?” I ask, narrowing my eyes at her.

She sighs and rolls her eyes. “You know what I mean.”

“No, Mali, I understand exactly what you mean, and you’re wrong. You are belittling everything that I’m going through right now.”

Mali moves her head back, her eyes going wide and she looks away from me. She mutters, ‘wow’ under her breath before she speaks again at a normal volume. “Calum, please. Can I finish what I wanted to say?”

I purse my lips. “Sure, what did you want to say?”

I watch my sister take a few breaths in and out. “I know you’re dealing with a really shitty breakup, but that doesn’t mean we can’t just have a nice dinner together.”

My new signature bitter laugh comes out of my mouth without a second thought. I fold my hands on the table and shake my head, my eyes focused on the cloth napkin rolled around silverware in front of me. 

“First, do you know what today is?” I ask, breaking my eye contact with my napkin to look at her.

Her immediate shift to a confused expression answers the question for me.

“It’s supposed to be our anniversary.”

Mali’s face softens and she reaches across the table for my hand, but I pull mine into my lap. She frowns. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was today.”

“Second, Mal, it’s more than just a ‘really shitty breakup.’”

She raises her eyebrows, inviting me to elaborate. 

“I am not only getting used to not having the love of my fucking life in my life anymore, the reason she’s not in my life is because she wanted to spare me the shitty experience of watching her die of terminal cancer. She’s dying, and I can’t even be with her through it. Oh, and my best friend—actually, no, my brother knew that my girlfriend was dying and lied about it. Do you know what that feels like?”

Dramatically, I pause, but I know Mali isn’t going to answer.

“No, you don’t, because nobody else can even fathom that it would happen. It’s not shit anyone else, probably ever, has gone through. Shitty is just one word out of hundreds that I could to describe how absolutely soul-crushing, mind-fucking, and heartbreaking it is to experience this.”

My sister is rendered practically speechless and she doesn’t seem to know what to say. I’m upset now, and am even more annoyed by being dragged to dinner. It would be a great time to leave right now, when I’m already being dramatic, but I can’t bring myself to stand up.

“Calum, I’m sorry,” she says with a gentle voice. “Truly, so sorry. I know how much you love her. She loves you too, and we all know it. If I know Orion, or anything about any of the other people close to her, this is temporary.” 

My eyes are watering now and I look back down to my napkin. “But what if it isn’t?” I whisper.

Mali sighs, and the next thing I know, she’s on my side of the booth with me, hugging me with her healing big sister hug. “Have some faith, C. Love as strong as yours isn’t going away. It’ll pull you back together again. I’m sure of it.” 

We manage to have a somewhat enjoyable dinner together. We split a bottle of cabernet, Orion’s favorite, and I’m able to stomach some of the creamy pasta I ordered. Mali tells me all about her latest music projects and promises to play me snippets of her favorite pieces when we go back to her place. She shares that she’s thinking about getting a cat and has started looking at a few rescues to see if any of them call out to her but she hasn’t found the right one yet. 

She also offers to come on the Europe leg with us if it would help me to have an extra support person around right now. I can’t ask her to give up her life just to be there for me, so I tell her it’s fine, but if she wants to join for just the UK section that would be fun.

And now, as we walk back to her flat, warm inside from the wine, I realize that I just did what Orion did. 

I pushed my sister away and didn’t want her to join me on tour because I didn’t want her to put her life on hold. I don’t want her to be there for me, not because it wouldn’t be nice, but because I love her and she has a life to live, friends to see, songs to write and record. 

Somehow, on opposite sides of the world, the realization makes me feel closer to her.

read next chapter

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

The Bible in a Nutshell

“The Bible in a Nutshell”, by Casper Rigsby

Introduction

If you've ever read the whole Bible you are well aware of just how big this book is. With an estimated word count of well over 700,000 words, the book is not an undertaking for the casual reader. In addition to the lengthiness of the book it can also be a very tedious and boring read as well. This turns many people off to wanting to commit any time to understanding the foundational doctrine of Christianity.

However, as atheists we really need to have at least a basic understanding of the Bible if we are going to make a judgment call about the religion. You see, no matter which sect of Christianity someone subscribes to the Bible is the foundation of Christian belief. So what I offer here is a mere 7,000 words to tell a slimmed down version of the basic story of the Bible. I've tried to make it humorous and something that could be fun to read.

I've stripped away all the philosophy and metaphor and simply offered the story as it is in its most basic form. Because of this, what I offer here is more a literary critique and artistic rendering than a theological examination. What I want to focus on is the narrative rather than any underlying allegory or metaphor inherent in the narrative. And what I want the reader to ask themselves is if this story is actually believable or not. I want to challenge the notion of biblical literalism by showing the story in its most basic form is simply too fantastic for any rational person to believe it as fact.

You see, if the story broken down to its most basic form doesn't make sense, it won't make more sense if you just complicate it by throwing in even more outrageous claims. I think by the time the reader finishes this story they will come to an understanding of just how silly biblical literalism truly is.

--

Forward

What I'm going to offer here is a bit of blasphemy, or at least in the eyes of Christians it is. This is the story of the Bible broken down into sheer simplicity. Broken down and simplified in this manner it becomes abundantly apparent just how ridiculous the whole thing is. I hope you enjoy.

In The Beginning

In an alternate dimension outside of space and time lives the most powerful wizard ever known. He's so powerful that he can speak things into existence. One day he is sitting around bored and thinks, "Let me make myself some other beings that can bask in the glory of how awesome I am." So he spent six days thinking and speaking the whole universe and everything in it into existence. Then he took a nap, because that was a lot of talking to do.

One of the many things the wizard, let's call him The Wiz, created was people. He made people extra special out of dirt like a mud golem to look and think like him. Basically like little The Wiz dolls. But at first it's just this one dude named Adam and he's very lonely and bored. So The Wiz rips out one of Adam's ribs and says, "Alakadabra!" and the rib turns into another person. But this person has nipples that actually serve a purpose.

So The Wiz sets these two up with a sweet little place in a garden with everything they could ever need and then says, "Oh, by the way, I created a tree in that garden that will kill you. Just to spice things up a bit, ya know. Don't eat the fruit off that tree."

Well one day a talking snake shows up and sees the person with the functioning nipples, her name was Eve, and says, "You simply must try the fruit on that one tree! It's divine!" So she does and she shares it with Adam because it's very tasty and instead of dying they just get smarter and notice they're naked. So they hide when The Wiz comes back around, because of being naked and all, and The Wiz immediately knows something is wrong. So he says, "What the fuck guys? I told you not to eat that fruit. Now I'm going to have to kick you out of the garden."

So they get kicked out and The Wiz is double pissed at Eve so he makes her menstruate and makes childbirth really painful for her. They have two boys named Cain and Abel, which end up fighting because The Wiz likes meat better than vegetables and Cain kills Abel. So The Wiz sends Cain to live in some weird land called Nod and he finds a wife there and does his thing. In the meantime, Adam and Eve have many more children and a couple thousand years go by in which the earth fills up with people.

When it Rains it Pours

Now it's thousands of years later and for some reason no one is worshipping The Wiz, which really makes him angry since he made these people specifically to glorify himself. There's this one guy named Noah though who still thinks The Wiz is super awesome. So The Wiz tells Noah, "Build a big boat and put two of every animal on the boat along with your family because I'm fixing to drown all these other assholes." Noah builds the boat and the animals come. He packs up his family and then The Wiz sets about flooding the whole world and drowning everyone. POOF - now you're a corpse. Neat trick.

After about a month and a half, once The Wiz was sure everyone was good and dead, he makes the flood waters recede some and Noah sends a dove who fetches a branch from a tree that somehow withstood the torrential floods and let's Noah know there is land ho. Noah lands the boat on a mountain, because screw you physics, he's got a wizard for a bff. Then The Wiz pops a rainbow into the sky and tells Noah that this is a sign that he won't murder everyone in that particular fashion again, because The Wiz likes to keep you guessing.

So Noah and his family repopulate the earth (let's try to gloss over the incest part). Eventually this guy Abraham comes on the scene and The Wiz really takes a liking to this dude. The Wiz tells Abraham that he's doing a super awesome job worshipping The Wiz, but unfortunately Abraham is going to need to murder his son Isaac because The Wiz likes blood. Abraham says, "Sure thing", and proceeds to carry this out. At the last minute The Wiz sends one of his personal minions to stop Abraham and tell him that The Wiz was just pranking him. Haha! Almost made you kill your kid!

Turn by Turn Mis-navigation

So we flash forward a bit more and one of Abraham's descendants named Moses gets tossed in a basket and thrown into a river. He floats to Egypt and gets found by some of pharaoh's folks who think he's cute and adopt him. But it turns out that Pharaoh has captured all the descendants of Abraham called the Jews and enslaved them. When Moses grows up and realizes he's a Jew, The Wiz tells him that Pharaoh needs to let these people go. The Wiz tells Moses to go to Pharaoh and ask him to release the Jews, but when Moses does this The Wiz has put Pharaoh under hypnosis or something and Pharaoh refuses. So The Wiz sends plagues and murders all the firstborn in Egypt to teach Pharaoh not to fall for The Wiz using magic to make him intentionally obstinate.

Eventually Moses gets all the Jews out of Egypt, but Pharaoh sends troops after them. They get to the Red Sea and they're stuck, but then Moses says, "The Wiz taught me a trick" and he pounds a walking stick on the ground. The sea splits in two and all the Jews walk over to the other side. The Egyptian troops try to follow them and The Wiz makes the sea fall back on them and drown them. POOF - now you're a corpse. (That trick is getting old)

So now Moses and the Jews are free and The Wiz tells them he has a special place for them to live. But before they can get there Moses has a one on one with The Wiz and is given a bunch of rules for how to properly worship The Wiz. When Moses goes to tell all the Jews the new rules, they've made a cow out of gold and are worshipping it.... because hamburgers!

Moses gets all huffy and throws down the rocks he wrote the rules on and breaks them. The Wiz is pretty peeved about the whole cow worship thing too so he makes everyone confused about how to walk a straight line and causes them to wander around on like 40 acres of desert for 40 years. They finally find the place they're supposed to live but Moses doesn't get to live there because The Wiz is fickle like that.

To Be Continued...

So that basically wraps up the Old Testament and the whole Jewish thing. In the next segment I'll break down the New Testament and the story of this Jesus fellow.

==

Enjoy an amusing romp through the crazy world of the bible.

Along the way, realize how much of it is empty filler.

[ms-scarletwings]

Thinking out loud but good lord was it disturbing or was it disturbing that the only reason really that Sly survived the events of what went down on Kaine Island was because Dr.M was sadistically vindictive enough to torture him to death rather than play the cold, calculating villain that clockwerk was (I.e. stop messing around and kill the bastard who’s in your way to victory already)?

That thing he was plugged into was more than strong enough to just spike him into the shore rocks to get it over with, or swiftly crinkle him in like a soda can,

hell, if you fail the rescue as Carmelita, you’re punished with a cutscene of the monster literally devouring Sly, still conscious, in one gulp.

The setup originally kind of implied that the MO was going to be getting the life crushed out of him, but the funny thing is that broken ribs or limbs were “miraculously” not even on the list of injuries they found on the poor guy after he was let go. A concussion was, though.

That concussion was probably both… not intentional, and it might have deadass been what saved his life.

I kept wondering as a kid how squeezing the body = head injury and figured it was a suspension of belief sort of deal, and then today I realized that Sly most likely got the concussion during the face-off that started when Carmelita showed up- the beast was violently swinging him around for the majority of that mess, and it’s actually fortune in disguise that it rendered him unconscious. Any other incapacitating injury and M would have finished him off himself rather than turning his attention elsewhere and allowing the gang to retrieve him.

The crushing was only a cat playing with its meal. M didn’t just want Sly to suffer. He wanted to watch him fight against the inevitable, writhing on full display for the entire gang like the helpless worm he truly reduced Conner’s son to. It was probably the most joy the madman had gotten a taste of in decades and he was going to savor every second of it he could wring out. That’s seriously how deep his resentment for the Coopers had become. And he would have kept that up for as long as Sly had that tenaciously stubborn will and strength in him to keep struggling.

So,

I have to

notice,

the timing/connection between

dying in the rescue mission as Carmelita, and then immediately watching M’s play come to an end.

[violetvelourr]

Warning: boys love! 🏳️‍🌈

I’ve had a major decline in my followers after posting this on Instagram 🙈 buuut, but who cares.

I am welcoming all Kakashi ships, unless it involves blunt abuse and minors 😡

Don't expand if you don't like NSFW and boys love in particular!

Minors please do not interact!

The uncensored version is on my Twitter. 😏

A dawn of passion… 🥵🥰🤤🔞

February this year is a remarkable month for my artistic self 🤭 just a little while ago I shared something I drew for the first time, and here we go again: although this time Kakashi 𝙞𝙨 in the artwork, he is joined by a lovely black-haired young man Wren in a very sensual moment 🤭

Well, you know what they say: one 🍆 is good but two is better 🤤

I am really grateful for this commission because it was a slight challenge for me in several ways.

First of all, I have never done male x male before. It certainly imposed a certain level of responsibility and I dare say I did well 🤭

Second, I have not been very comfortable with NSFW in the recent months in general, must have been bitten by some prim fly 🤭 and I have to admit now that I set off doing this commission with more external confidence than I truly felt at the time 🙈 but the further the more I loosened up and it felt good shaking this off 😁 perhaps I would do more NSFW going forward…

Another thing is that normally I prefer to make half-body or even chest-up artworks whereas here it’s a full body artwork - without clothes, and, let’s be honest, not exactly a very simple pose either 😁 I tried convincing the commissioner to crop it, but again as we proceeded I realized myself that I actually wanted to keep it without any cropping 🤭

Finally, I’m not too comfortable adding elements to a fully rendered and “flattened” artwork, but here we added quite a few finishing touches after that - and it wasn’t so bad actually! Turns out I don’t need to make line art for every single extra sneeze 🤭

So with all the above said, I am very grateful for this little spicy project, I enjoyed it a lot 🤗

And I’m very happy the person who commissioned me permitted to share it 🤭

☙ ❦ ❧

Hatake Kakashi © Kishimoto Masashi

Wren © respective owner

[nyxthejinx]

omg oMG THE ragnvindr! reader au was tOO GOOD 🤩. i felt so bad reader. She knew how bad dottore was but wanted something to cling on so badly that she had no other choice but to choose him after being abandoned by both brothers.

(kind of reminds me of jinx and silco but dottore doesn’t actually care for reader but stILL )

Omg after her disappearance, what if diluc comes across her while he’s hunting down the fatui in snezhnaya. Her eyes kind of like childe’s, have no life in them. He fights tooth and nail to bring her back. She puts up a fight because she desperately wants to cling to the only person who was there for her when she hit an all time low even though she knows he’s evil. She knows dottore is only using her but it’s better than being abandoned again right ? Better than being strangled by someone who was your brother right ??

After being brought back to mondstadt diluc tries to have her stay at the dawn winery with him but reader doesn’t want to go back in . She spends all her time outside trying her best to avoid both brothers because she doesn’t want to be reminded of what she once had and what she could lose if she gets close to them again. The only time she goes inside is when it rains/storms. She’s knows it’s just rain and thunder , she’s only scared of the memories that come with it. She hides in the dawn winery , in a room that was meant to be hers but is rarely slept in bc she’s always out. She hides away maybe under the bed, or maybe in the closet OR maybe just on top of the bed covered by tons of blankets. It doesn’t really matter where she hides in the room , the one thing she truly tries to hide is her neck. Scared that a hand might reach out and finish what it started all those years ago.

And knowing how observant kaeya and diluc are , what if they take this chance to try and get close to her again, even if it means they have to be close to one another to get through to their sibling. I kinda imagine the reader under the bed just curled up , her hands covering her neck and they walk in her room, sit down in from of the bed and just talk to her. Kaeya being the first one to reach out to her and give her his hand. Reassuring her that he’s not going to make the same mistake again. She takes it but with hesitance. Then there’s diluc , he tries to do the same but when he reaches out there’s a noticeably larger hesitance in taking his hand. Reader thinks it over and instead of taking his entire hand like she did with kaeya , she just takes his pinky.

annnnnnd that’s all i can think of for now. hopefully i didn’t go over board or something. And hopefully you like it!! 😵‍💫

-🫧 anon

First of all, congrats on being the first anon, you cultured person who has watched arcane!! (had to ask one of my friends what was your emoji cause my phone doesn't render it LMAO) Secondly, I'm glad you liked it!! I tried my best to live up to your guys' expectations and I hope I'll be able to do so in the future as well :')

Dw you didn't go over board at all, I love when ppl share their ideas <33 (and the final part of your post omg I'm melting)

Now, in THIS post I was referring exactly to your ask. Imagine, reader has reached a stable (kinda) mental balance, they're strong, they know how to fight. But they meet Diluc while he's in snezhnaya (before he got banned) and suddenly they can't focus and struggle to breath.

It's a full ass panic attack, Diluc doesn't understand what's going on and why cause he hasn't knocked off their mask yet, and strikes a fatal blow. Only then he realises it's his sibling out of all the fatui agents he could meet, and without thinking much about it he carries them back to mond (ik it's a long journey on foot but bear with me).

When reader wakes up in their old home they think it's just one of their usual nightmares, or something like that. They scramble off their bed but can't move at all because of their injury. They're about to panic again when Adelinde barges into the room and tries to calm them down.

Diluc isn't home (can't face them, mf), luckily, and tho they don't really want to, reader accepts to stay until they recover. But as soon as Kaeya hears the news, he tries to reach out again.

They hide, avoid him, the first week is hell. They want to burn that damn place to the ground, and then regret the thought a second later. It feels so familiar but it won't ever be the same. And it doesn't matter how large the manor is, there's a constant feeling of claustrophobia slithering around their neck.

But slowly, and I mean rlly slowly, they accept his presence as they wander around the manor. They break the ice (pun not intended ffhsdfh), talk about their childhood, keep it light.

Maybe they collect some crystal flies. Maybe leave some in Diluc's office.

Then they talk about what happened that night. Kaeya apologises for leaving like that, says he's been an asshole, that reader is free to be mad at him forever, but they clasp his hand and tell him that it's fine. It'll take time, but it's fine.

Just like they shouldered his weight, now he'll shoulder theirs.

He doesn't ask why they wear a scarf, just like they've never asked about his eyepatch. Till one day a gust of wind takes it away and they're left naked, burning in shame because of their scars. And lo and behold that's the day Diluc comes back.

Diluc sees them from afar, bracing himself for the worst, it's not gonna be some idle chit chat. But then he catches sight of reader's scars and tears up. He's been a monster. What he made was a thousand times worse than what they did three years ago.

He doesn't want to keep going, he doesn't think he has the strength. But he's a mature man now, he wants to make up for his mistakes, if it's even possible, and doesn't falter in his steps, as he saunters towards them.

That's the least he can do. He owes them.

It might take eons. But he's willing to wait and pay for his mistakes.

[undercat-overdog]

It seems as if the feeling of 'feeling ignored' is rampant among authors - I don't know if that's because of a downturn in engagement or if it's just always been this way and some people weather it and others don't. But it seems to be a very common feeling from many writers these days and yes, it does make me sad *and* angry when I see amazing writers or amazing stories being overlooked because they didn't have the right "pair" or whatever it is...

It's so very strange to me that fandom approaches fanfic in such a completely different fashion from published fiction. If you read an amazing book you don't go to the bookstore and try to find other amazing books that have... the same 'tropes' and hope you find another great book. You go look at the other books *that author* has written and expect to find that they are as wonderful as the one you just finished that you loved. (Does this always work? No, but that is still the most common approach!)

People will read *authors* because they have an expectation of a style and quality that they enjoyed. They'll go to meet authors because they loved their books so much. They'll listen to interviews or send them fanmail and get all excited if they get a reply.

It is so weird how people won't do the same with fanfic authors - they won't read an amazing fic and think wow this person really writes well, I might enjoy the other stuff they've written also, and then go do that. It seems they'd rather look for the same characters over and over than read the same author twice.

And maybe this isn't at all what you meant by your post - but it seems that this is a mindset that makes the author invisible in this exchange. That a person reading fanfic isn't reading *an author* - they're reading characters or tropes. The author becomes an invisible hand by which the reader gets some specific itch scratched, and the author is rendered almost irrelevant.

It's truly achingly sad to both experience and watch others experience. To see readers engage with a fic only to the degree that they hope for more rather than wanting to actually engage with the author as both a person and a fellow fan of whatever source material is being referenced.

It does exhaust the creative drive to feel rendered invisible and secondary.

As you say, no one is 'owed' interaction or engagement, no one is 'owed' readers or comments or whatever. But man, it sure is nice to be recognized as the person who wrote something a reader enjoyed. It's nice to be told "wow, I liked this". Not as a payment for a product but as a basic human interaction.

Hi anon, I really appreciate you sending this in and it means a lot to read it; I hear you and I hope you feel heard as well? I very much want to thank you for sharing your intelligent and interesting thoughts; I have some thoughts in response but I’m not particularly in a place to articulate them (mental mush!), so I’m going to post this as is so others can see and hopefully give a proper response that you deserve in a day or two. 💙🫂

I also want to add something to my original post (about the author being seen) from the perspective of the reader and the reader being seen as a person as well - I haven’t been reading much recently (very little), but I am a reader too and I know how scary it can be to reach out to talk to someone online! I think there’s something about fic as commodity (or art as commodity; I do wish I had the perspective of an artist as well here), the fic must flow or whatever, that doesn’t do justice to many who want to participate. (But to be clear, (general) you don’t need to; I don’t want to delurk anyone who’s not comfortable or who wants to stay lurking.)

(And - I do feel bad about this because so often in fandom, or at least this area, it’s always fic fic fic and I’m not sure we pay enough attention to the other creators out there, or the people who take joy in those creations: I apologize for that. But my perspective is as a writer and reader, and that’s what I can speak on.)

[bikerboyfriend]

finished reading banana fish today, i need to unload my thoughts

One thing that baffles me is that honestly, to the end, people still continued to push their fantasies onto Ash. I know his gang members & allies really only viewed him as a ruthless leader, but it really was just Eiji for him. Every single other person had this preconceived idea of him—I love that he really talks about it in the final chapter showing how Ash & Shorter met—that if Ash broke the idea or image they had of him, people would grow enraged. Yut Lung is the best example of this; because though he himself was a victim of similar abuse, his obsession with Ash drove him up the fucking wall. The fact that Ash wouldn't take his 'destined place' as Golzine's heir was so beyond him and EVERYONE. I'll go more into Yut Lung later.

But it really was Eiji alone that was simply curious in Ash because he was an interesting guy. And just grew closer to him by chance and didn't expect anything out of him. Didn't expect him to lead him, save him....anything. He just truly grew fond of him. I really love how you got to see Ash genuinely act his age around Eiji because he trusts him with his everything. It was so heartbreaking to see people notice this and take advantage of him. That people hated that Ash Lynx had falled in love with someone and wasn't the ruthless, genius, killing machine that they fucking worshipped.

What Ash says is so true, that a lot of people didn't simply s assault him because they wanted to get laid—people loved the power they had over Ash. The fact that Ash is so strong, powerful and smart only adds to the desire to overpower him and render him weak, even for just a moment. It's really fucking disgusting. And you can see how fucking far these shitheads are with how they really can't wrap their heads around Ash not wanting to inherit Golzine's business and inheritance.

Yut Lung's betrayal initially suprised me but he's been groomed and abused to a point that he acts out like a kid. His I think Blanca noticed that and that's why he just took pity on him, perhaps the same way he took pity on Ash. His hatred of Eiji and infatuation with Ash is like a kid teasing their crush. He and Ash were so similar, but Ash actually had someone he loved and someone who loved him back. You can see that even though he acts like he wants Ash dead so badly, every single time Ash puts himself in danger or threatens him, he's so genuinely hurt. I honestly hated him till his very last appearance, despite coming to this^^ conclusion ages ago. I think that's why Sing forgives him and asks him to run Chinatown with him. He's not....inherently bad, though personally I'd never have forgiven him. He's just as lost and alone as Ash was in completely different circumstances.

anyways i have more to talk about but that's all i can put into words for now

[ethereousdelirious]

Sicktember 2022: Day 13

Prompt: Seasonal/pet allergies Alt. 1: soft pajamas

Fandom: Black Butler

Wordcount: 2,490

Summary: C.iel is not often a cruel master, but one dreary winter day, he orders S.ebastian to come down with the flu. Se.bastian has no choice but to obey.

Comments: I don't write sickfic that heavily features minors, so Ci.el is only important inasmuch as he sets up the plot. Jsyk.

CW: Nausea, mentions of potential vomiting but it doesn't actually happen

A violent storm had struck London, dealing a harsh blow that rendered infrastructure and economy alike unconscious for the snow choking out the alleyways and piling on rooftops. The grounds of the Phantomhive estate had fared a little better, though not much, and to cross the sea of white that surrounded the manor seemed as insurmountable as walking across the Atlantic.

In short, Sebastian was stuck with no hope of escape unless his master saw fit to send him on a covert mission into town. It seemed unlikely; if any crime had somehow managed to persist through the oppressive snow, they had no way of learning about it, and there was little chance of falling short of supplies (Sebastian having predicted the storm and finding within his duties to order extra provisions from town).

He entertained himself the first few days by showing off for the other servants, because they'd taken to following him around in a line like particularly inept little ducklings. All except Tanaka, who seemed content enough to sleep by the fire, unbothered by the cries of astonishment and admiration that Sebastian's tricks earned him. Juggling, gymnastics, calisthenics, musical improvisation— All this and more he exhausted before Ciel had finished reading the breezeblock of a novel he'd selected a few days prior.

This had been a long day, but at last, the sun saw fit to take its bow and beat a slow, agonizing retreat across the sky, turning everything purple and silver, and it was time to see the young master to bed. Ciel was still working on his novel and seemed disinclined to move, so Sebastian carried him upstairs to his bedchamber and deposited him in an armchair by the fire, to a disappointing lack of reaction. He'd been hoping for an indignant squeak at the least. But Ciel continued to ignore him.

"Forgive me if I speak out of turn, my lord," Sebastian began, crafting the sentence with care. A small delight it was, but how he enjoyed these meandering phrases! "But it seems to me that this downtime is perhaps better spent furthering your education."

"I think not," Ciel murmured, turning the page in his book.

"No?"

Ciel looked up, finally, and his eye narrowed with slight mirth. "Are you really that bored already?" He didn't wait for a reply before continuing, "I think you are, aren't you?" This, too, appeared to be rhetorical, because he only paused long enough to sit up before going on again: "Don't think I didn't hear you showing off earlier. And the others singing your praises. Like you aren't human, they said."

A cold fire blazed in Ciel's eye now, one that promised a vague and unpleasant fate for his opponent. Usually that fate was a bloody death at Sebastian's hands, but, as they were alone in the room, it seemed that Sebastian was the opponent this time. How thrilling. Sebastian smiled, squinting until his eyes shut. "Then surely my lord also heard me reassuring the others that I am, in fact, a mere human."

"Is that really good enough, though?" Ciel's grin had grown positively wicked and his book lay forgotten in his lap. "If you were truly human, you would know that we tend to trust our lived experiences over anyone else's mere words. Sooner or later, they'll want proof. And I think we should give it to them." Sebastian inclined his head. The moment of suspense washed over him as he waited for Ciel's next words: "What could be more human than falling ill during a cold snap?"

Sebastian blinked, the single indication he allowed Ciel that he had been caught off his guard. It wouldn't be fair otherwise. "Ill, my lord?"

"Yes, I think a 'flu should do quite nicely. Scare them a little."

"What are your orders?" Sebastian asked, falling to one knee. This could be a bit of fun. He'd never been ill before.

"Just that," Ciel said. "Come down ill with the 'flu tomorrow. Or approximate it." Offhand, he added, "And yes, that's an order."

"Yes, my lord."

"And I trust you'll make it appropriately dramatic." Ciel's eye glimmered in the firelight. "I know how you love to show off."

—

Sebastian did not generally sleep, but he tucked himself into bed that night in his trousers and shirt. Not owning pajamas or a nightshirt had not been an oversight on his part; he fully intended to wear his usual clothing around the clock, with the occasional change made as circumstances dictated. A flowing white nightshirt simply did not fit the aesthetic.

Blowing out the candle by his bedside, he willed himself into a light sleep and drifted gently to the following morning, his form shifting all the while. He knew how the 'flu came on: it crept up so slowly and quietly that the unfortunate victim had only the vaguest idea it was there. Then it pounced.

And so, the symptoms tiptoed through the night, a little trickery with his body temperature, a little irritation of throat and lungs, a headache that flared like fireworks when he moved his head.

The headache was by far the least tolerable aspect of this part of the plan. The snow-bright light dazzled in his eyes when he awoke to the sound of the servants panicking from somewhere upstairs. The kitchen, judging by the vibrations from their footsteps. Sebastian got up and began to dress, leaving his tie crooked and his hair slightly mussed. Not too much, just yet. Wouldn't want to overdo it. He kept his face pale, but added a yellowish cast and let the rims of his eyes take on an irritated red sheen to imply lack of sleep. Satisfied, he made his bed and began the march up the stairs.

What was ordinarily effortless became nearly insurmountable, and he had to stop and catch his breath when he was only three-quarters of the way up. A few coughs found their way up his stinging throat and he scowled. No use in wasting a good show when there was no audience.

Finny's voice came, high and clear, from down the hall. "Shouldn't we go and get him?"

"Nah," said Bardroy, sounding distinctly like he had a cigarette clamped between his teeth. Yes, now that he was closer, the smell was apparent.

"But what if somethin's happened?" Mey-Rin demanded. Sebastian could practically see her clasping her hands by her jaw, eyes wide behind her glasses.

"He probably just overslept," Bardroy said in that obnoxious tone of unearned authority he so loved to employ. "God knows I wanted to, as cold as it is." Sebastian reached the doorway and waited just out of sight. "He's probably all curled up in bed, comfy as a pug in a rug—"

"Good morning, all." Sebastian stepped around the corner, smiling until his eyes shut. If there was one thing he could not abide, it was to be compared to a dog, of all things. "Forgive me; I seem to have overslept. I take it Tanaka has seen to the young master?" Finny, Mey-Rin, and Bardroy nodded in abashed unison, Finny and Mey-Rin blushing fit to faint. Sebastian nodded shortly and walked further in. "Good. Then, seeing as Bardroy was left unsupervised, I shall have to see to breakfast in a hurry, as I am certain he would know better than to" —a rogue cough tried to force its way up his throat and he was forced to clear it— "endanger the young master with his cooking."

"Hey!" Bardroy exclaimed, but Finny shushed him, apparently to allow Mey-Rin to take center stage for a moment.

She was still blushing up to her ears. Sebastian smiled kindly, narrowing his eyes and looking directly at her to make it worse. "Yes, Mey-Rin, what is it?"

"F-forgive me, Sebastian, but-but-but… your tie is crooked, and I thought—" She reached out to straighten it. "I'm sorry!"

Sebastian caught her hand before she could fully withdraw it. "Thank you, Mey-Rin. Now." Releasing her hand, he lifted his gaze. "I really must insist that you return—" He turned his head to the side and coughed into the crook of his elbow. Not too harshly, just enough to spark mild concern. Regardless, it made his head throb and ring like a struck bell. "R-return to your duties at once."

He watched them with keen eyes as they nodded with a collective "Yes, sir!" Mey-Rin hesitated, looking him over. Finny did not smile as wide as he usually did. And Bardroy's eyes narrowed as he turned to go.

Sebastian smiled.

He listened to them gossip as he did his work, though the pain in his head made it harder to focus and the generalized weakness made it harder to keep his hands steady. In fact— He was actually shaking. His body hurt, too, particularly the legs. His knees wobbled when he stood in one place for too long.

"Cor, I've never seen Sebastian lookin' like that!" Mey-Rin's voice was a ghostly buzz, the vibrations too subtle for a human's ears.

"What, pale and creepy?" Bardroy shot back.

"No, no," Finny chimed in, "Mey-Rin's right! He looked like he was about to fall over."

The vibrations of their voices rattled in Sebastian's head, exacerbating his headache to the point of nausea. Well. That was unexpected. He stopped straining himself in favor of focusing on the task at hand: preparing breakfast for the young lord.

Only sheer force of demonic will allowed him to set the table without faltering. He stood, swaying, slightly, in his usual spot and watched Tanaka escort Ciel to the breakfast table. Bardroy, Finny, and Mey-Rin peeked at him from beyond the far doorway. He blinked, slow and languid. His legs trembled.

Ciel made no mention of his tardiness and did not smile at the rattle of the lid against the teapot. Tea splashed onto the tablecloth, a few droplets staining Sebastian's pristine gloves. His head ached, hot. He wanted it to stop, all of it. This game, this 'flu, this maddening weakness.

Interesting.

It seemed the psychological toll of illness was a subtle thing, more subtle than even the symptoms.

"Stop." Ciel stilled Sebastian's hand with his own. "Something's wrong."

It wasn't a question, which allowed Sebastian to slither around his oath of truthfulness. He had to take a deep breath to steel himself before facing the ordeal of speech. "I can assure you, my lord, despite my tardiness, breakfast has been prepared to my exacting standards."

"You would, of course, inform me if you felt you were unable to perform your duties."

"I would hardly be fit to call myself the Phantomhive butler if I allowed myself to be so rattled by something as simple as oversleeping."

"You look ghastly."

Sebastian swallowed back a few coughs that exploded like firecrackers in his chest and made his eyes water. "I'll be fine, my lord," he choked, and staggered backwards a few steps so as not to cough directly on Ciel. For he couldn't hold them back now, relinquishing all but the tiniest sliver of his self-control to the monster of the 'flu. It was on him now, the miserable, shuddering heat of fever and the all-over weakness that made even standing a chore of the highest degree.

"Sebastian?" Ciel's manufactured alarm would have fooled all but the sharpest observer. Somewhere beyond the blur of his tears, Sebastian watched him stand up and freeze.

"Do forgive me," Sebastian said, recovering himself. His head spun with an unfamiliar giddiness, stomach turning over. He wasn't going to be sick, was he? That had not been part of the plan; it was too inelegant, too unsightly, not at all befitting the butler aesthetic.

The room tilted sideways and someone shouted, but he couldn't make out the words over the roaring in his ears. Then the floor dropped out from under him and all was nothing.

He let a bit more of his control and awareness slip away because he felt truly awful. No more play-acting; he was miserable. Even the small sliver of awareness he allowed himself was agony. Someone touched him and the rough wool of his uniform scratched against his neck and he was cold and hot by turns. He felt his body shiver and all his muscles ached in response to the effort.

"You really did a number on yourself, didn't you?" a voice asked. Bardroy.

He let awareness wash over him in delicate waves, so as not to overwhelm himself and cry out. First hearing, though there wasn't much to hear. Just the crackle of the fire and Bardroy breathing from somewhere off to the side. Smell and taste, too, revealed little information. Fire and Bardroy and illness. Touch was more interesting, though nearly overwhelming. His body hurt and the hot-cold sensation was unbearable. He began to tremble, unable to fight the base urge to keen and curl in on himself. The only solace was something soft against his skin, so wonderfully, wonderfully soft.

"Hey, hey." Bardroy's voice came gentle and concerned from somewhere above him. "Calm down."

Lastly, sight. He cracked his eyes open and immediately shut them again in response to the pain that pulsed outward from the back of his head. He opened them again, just not so wide, and found Bardroy staring down at him. "My quarters?" he asked weakly.

"You fainted." Bardroy put a hand on his shoulder, like he was afraid Sebastian might cut and run. The soft fabric between them rubbed against his skin. Sebastian fell back, limp, and looked down at himself.

Someone had dressed him in careworn white pajamas. Even buttoned to the top, they slid down to reveal far too much chest, which was flushed pink, and the sleeves ended between his first and second knuckles. But they were soft, softer than anything Sebastian had felt in a good long while. Certainly softer than anything Ciel owned, in the way cloth got when it was well-used and well-loved.

Bardroy caught him looking and adjusted himself so he could sit on the edge of the bed and still face Sebastian. "Oh yeah, lent you some pajamas. You didn't seem to have any, so." He shrugged.

"Thank you, Bardroy," Sebastian said, meaning it for the first time ever. He hadn't realized how stifling his tailcoat and trousers had been until they were off, and the relief was such that he might have shed a tear if he'd thought it would earn him any quarter. Instead, he sighed and nestled into his pillow as a shudder rippled outward from his core.

Bardroy's gaze softened and he reached a hand out as though to smooth down Sebastian's hair only to pause and pull it back. "Get some rest," he said with intolerable tenderness. "Call me if you need anything."

Sebastian nodded and blinked slowly, lids growing heavier.

"And Sebastian?"

"Hm?"

"I do mean that." Bardroy smiled, sickeningly fond. "I'll be right here."

Sebastian closed his eyes.