#I almost feel like this should’ve been set between seasons 2-3

[duchessofferia]

Which is the earliest time Jame Seymour should have been introduced in "The Tudors"? Since Jame had scored a place in Katherine of Aragon's court in 1529, she should have been introduced sometime during the last couple of episodes of s1, along with Edward and their father John.

After a recent rewatch, during the scene at the s1 finale where a nameless girl rebukes Anne Boleyn after her wishing that all Spaniards would be put under the sea speech, I thought that that part should have gone to Jane Seymour. That rebuke could have been one of Jane's first lines in the series.

You’re right, Jane should’ve been introduced earlier. The earliest Jane could’ve been at court was 1527, or more likely 1528, to my understanding. Katherine of Aragon made her speech at Blackfriars in 1529, and The Tudors leaned into the idea of Jane as connected to Katherine - the scene where Mary gives Jane Katherine's cross to help her through labor comes to mind. As for Anne, there were an assortment of... nameless, jittery blonde women swirling around her during the early seasons. The creators could've slotted Jane into one of their places. Maybe they meant to? I know there was some kerfuffle about her casting.

If the comparison scene between Jane & Anne before the latter's murder is anything to go off of, the creators wanted to set Jane up as ideologically opposed to Anne, to some extent. It would've been nice if Jane was given a more self-actualized role in that opposition, rather than being shown as this silly, flighty girl who stumbled into a position for which we're obviously supposed to judge her. I just know she and Katherine Howard are sharing tea cakes in hell.

Sir John's offscreen death in Season 3, and the casually callous way Edward communicated it to Jane, also would've landed much better if they'd introduced Jane earlier. Her and Edward's sibling dynamic is one of my favorites in the show, communicated subtly through shared looks, close ups and such. In Season 2, Jane follows Edward's lead, allowing him to influence her decision making something like a surrogate father. Jane is certainly the passive member of their relationship, but that wasn't used to cast her as stupid, or lesser than the other wives, which I appreciated. Edward asking Jane if she'd like to be Queen once he and his father start planning for it speaks to this dynamic that's sort of childish, in a sweet way - Edward leads and Jane follows, but willingly, not slavishly.

In Season 3, when Henry starts controlling Jane more overtly, Edward remains a man in her life who she's allowed to criticize and chastise, even as he's demonstrated to be brutally unscrupulous in his own right (see: that awful sexualized torture scene.) His wife Anne Stanhope is shown putting horns on him, but Edward barely notices, never mind getting mad at her for it. Compare that to how savagely Henry reacted to the vaguest whiff of infidelity in his Anne. The first one, that is.

It's almost like The Tudors' Henry is a decent public figure, but a monstrous domestic one, while The Tudors' Edward is a monstrous public figure, but a decent domestic one. And Jane is the woman who connects the two of them, binding their families into one, however temporarily. As Jane lays dying, Henry compares her to his late mother, and Jane is introduced to Henry by her own father, himself depicted as this jolly old fat country lord. Sir John's characterization in The Tudors was sparse, but maybe that's a blessing, considering the shaft Thomas Boleyn got.

Which leads me to another comparison. Thomas and George Boleyn's posthumous reputations both took a massive hit with this show. George is rendered not just abusive but sexually violent, the shadow of early 2000s homophobia hanging over The Tudors' portrayal like a pall. His father's depiction is more unfair than offensive, but that's not much of an improvement. This promo pic of him just makes you feel dirty, as Olga Hughes pointed out, lmao. We the audience can assume that Pádraic Delaney's George Boleyn got his cruelty from his father, while Anne (and Mary) are the family's more kindhearted diamonds-in-the-rough, a position that is reinforced by George's atypical protectiveness over Anne, which is ultimately used against him. Jane and Edward's relationship isn't as emotionally intimate as George and Anne's, but Edward and George's duel positions as men who are capable of being both negligent & violent and paternal & attentive sets them up as interesting examinations of the kind of man who takes root in an environment like this, much like Charles Brandon, Eustace Chapuys, Francis Bryan, etc.

The missing piece in the equation is Jane. Henry's fatherhood is well explored, Anne's sisterhood is the most overtly sympathetic part of her characterization, Mary I's conflict as a daughter is what drives her through the whole series. Jane is a sister, daughter, mother and wife, and there are a few shining moments where she really titillates: inquiring about her family's plans, selling the necklace Henry gave her, chiding Edward for mishandling her father's death, protecting Mary no matter the cost, things like that. But her most well-developed relationship is the one she has with Henry, and that one says more about him as a man than it does her as a woman.

How did Jane feel about Sir John that encouraged her to lean on Edward, even though he was easily identifiable as a worse man than his father? How did Jane feel transitioning from Katherine's household to Anne's, especially with regards to her catholicism? What did she think about the dissolution of the monasteries when it first started? Did she want to get married and have children, or did she just know she'd have to one day? What were her prospects before Henry? What does she like in a man anyways?

Unfortunately, we don't know, because The Tudors doesn't bother to tell us. Wish it had been different, to say the least.

[number-1-kuaidul-fanboy]

YGO Rivals Ranked

Giving this a try. I put this one off for a while because, to be honest, this is the hardest set of characters to rank or, in some cases, even fully know how I feel about. *glares at one specific character, you all know who it is if you follow me*  So... here’s my best attempt but just know, a lot of these are pretty interchangeable for me. Well, except my number 7 pick.

Oh also I’m not caught on Go Rush and it’s not done but Zwijo is looking to be a pretty good rival so far. He’s not on this list but he’s my favourite character in Go Rush so far so I figured I’d honourably mention him.

Anyways, onto the clear worst rival:

7 Reiji/Declan Akaba

Okay, I don’t dislike Reiji but compared to the other rivals… yeah, he falls pretty short. He’s the worst at being Yuya’s rival, they’re really far apart in age (or at least look that way) and Reiji is also basically his leader/general in seasons 2 and 3. Rivals are supposed to have even footing but not only does Reiji have way too much power over Yuya, he’s also an objectively better duellist than him for almost the entire show. Watching the show, it never registered to me that Reiji was “supposed” to be the rival, he fulfills that role so poorly. I don’t particularly dislike him. He’s an awful person but I do feel like the narrative usually condemns his actions (unlike a certain OTHER CHARACTER) or at least uses his awfulness as a way to illustrate the show’s themes of war corrupting both sides. I could never work up much effort to dislike him nut I couldn’t work up any effort to like him either. Sawatari should’ve been the main rival, Reiji really just isn’t anything special outside of his dub voice (which is a given, it’s Billy Bob Thompson) and some sparse moments but otherwise, he serves his role as everything but Yuya’s rival perfectly fine.

6 Roa Kirishima

To be honest, I have no clue who people consider the main rival of Sevens. Luke has the most presence opposing Yuga but he’s definitely more of the best friend character, Romin and Gakuto are both just friends to Yuga so for me, it was a toss up between Roa and Neil. And I’m choosing Roa because A) he was introduced first and B) he has specific beef with Yuga due to Otis choosing Yuga over him. He isn’t much of a rival after that first arc but he was still an interesting foil to Yuga as well as an antagonist to Romin. He’s also pretty funny, especially when the joke is at his expense. He’s not super deep or compelling which is why he’s this low but he’s all he needed to be: an entertaining rival and eventual friend to Yuga.

5 Kaito Tenjo

Hear me out. I love Zexal but one of my biggest problems with it was always how the second half of the show treated Kaito. He was a major character in the first half, a huge threat to Astral and Yuma and a catalyst for their development, and through it all, he was sympathetic and interesting. The final duel of season one is one of my favourites in Zexal because of his dilemma in it. He is great in Zexal I. And then Zexal II just… had no clue what to do with him. He doesn’t do anything but duel Mizael and die on the moon. His death was also poorly conveyed and confusing and yes I am talking about the sub here, that’s the definitive version of Zexal to me. The second half didn’t ruin Kaito or anything but I do feel that it ended up making me like Kaito less than I feel I should.

4 Jack Atlas

(Important note here that I prefer 5Ds in dub and primarily know it that way but have seen the final sub-exclusive arc, so I’m referring to dub Jack, though I’m familiar with both versions.)

While it’s definitely a less extreme case than Kaito, Jack is another character who I feel peaked in the first half of his show and then in the second half, doesn’t get much to do and feels flat as a result. Even putting aside the whole Carly retcon (which really is disgusting in the context of the show’s continuity), Jack just doesn’t have the same presence or narrative importance in that second half of the show and it feels like his development from Dark Signers was a little ignored. Like, as much as I love Yusei and Jack’s final duel and where that finale leaves all its characters, Jack’s obsession with being a lone wolf felt kind of off? Despite this however, Jack remained consistently entertaining (funny) post Dark Signers, even if that arc is where he peaked: it’s where he’s at his most interesting and relatable. And his most tragic. Do you have a minute to talk about our lord and saviour JackxCarly?-

Seriously though, that duel is where he peaked. Sorry not sorry.

3 Seto Kaiba

(Note: DM is the other Yugioh I primarily know in dub so again, I’m primarily talking about dub Kaiba here)

Kaiba has always been my favourite DM character. Heck, he was the one part of the show I legitimately enjoyed in the first half of Duelist Kingdom. Before that Yugi vs Kaiba duel on the tower, I was watching the show for completely ironic reasons. What can I say? I have a soft spot for the douchebags with a secret heart of gold, especially when that heart of gold is for their younger sibling. He’s also hilarious. Actually, out of every character on this list, Kaiba is probably the funniest to me: his snarkiness and absurd duelling obsession is a riot. He’s so over the top and douchey and dramatic and it is hilarious. He was the one thing that kept me going through that dreadful virtual arc. He’s also legit badass when he needs to be, like in the final arc when he went up against Z-Orc. Also, and this is probably because he’s the OG rival, but Kaiba is narratively the best rival of all these characters. He and Yugi are constantly at odds and duel each other multiple times throughout the show. Kaiba is the bane of Yugi’s existence yet also his ally when Yugi really needs him to be and it works pretty well. While I like the other rival characters, none of them ever quite got to this same degree of precise narrative importance.

2 Jun Manjome

And my GX character bias shines through again. But come on, how could I not love this silly dorky little creature of a man? Admittedly, what GX’s god awful dub did to Manjome makes it really hard for me to admit this, especially since it’s been a while since I’ve watched GX all the way through. But honestly, while I’m rusty on some story details of GX, I don’t feel rusty on the characters and I’ve always unironically liked Manjome. At first, he was just a typical snobbish school bully character but then we learn more about him: that his family put all this pressure on him to be exceptional lest he not be the “underachiever” of the family, which is something I relate to immensely to put it lightly. He also had a very relatable story arc in season four (seriously, his words when the students overcome Darkness stick with me the most out of all of them) and is consistently pretty funny. Like, legitimately a funny charming character in the sub. And like. A real person, not just a stupid joke. No, I will not stop repeatedly punching the GX dub in the face, it’s so bad-

But anyways, Manjome good. Really the only thing I don’t like about him is his honestly creepy simping over Asuka, which is more the show’s fault than his in my opinion and it’s not nearly as grating to me as Revolver’s racism.

Oh, right, speaking of which…

…

God, I hate to say this-

1 Revolver/Ryoken Kogami

*bashes head against a wall* God, why the hell am I saying this? Oh my god. Am I seriously this gay?

(Important note: I am ignoring Duel Links in this conversation, do not bring up Revolver’s flanderised stupid ass behaviour in Duel Links. I do not consider that to be an accurate representation of him.)

Seriously, take this placement with a grain of salt: my opinion on this character has changed so many times I can barely keep track anymore. However, he (tied with Ai) is the character I’ve written the most about on my AO3 so I definitely like him. However, while I do my best to keep him in character, I basically give Ryoken the development I felt he should’ve had in canon, which really exacerbates the feeling I’ve always had that canon Ryoken is an incomplete character. His visceral blind hatred toward the Ignis simply for existing always rubbed me the wrong way. I can tolerate it in season 1 since he’s a villain and his actions are very clearly condemned by the narrative. However, when he comes back in season 2 as an ally of the heroes still believing in this bigotry, it seemingly presents said bigotry (which is always phrased uncomfortably similarly to real life bigotry) as a debatable ‘agree to disagree’ topic, which is irresponsible and disgusting. I’ve covered this in more detail in the past so I won’t harp on this for too much longer but just know that this irritates me personally and I am being restrained. I’m aware Ryoken believes what he does because of his father’s brainwashing but… that’s the other issue. Ryoken, onscreen, never grows out of his blind loyalty toward his father, who neglected him, brainwashed him, and tortured children before his eyes when he was EIGHT. It doesn’t surprise me that Ryoken was messed up by this, and honestly it’s a compelling setup, but it’s a set up with no pay off, which makes his bigotry toward the Ignis unbearable. And it didn't need to be this way. Just cut that stupid ass scene in the season 3 clipshow episode where he goes “yeah, I still believe in genocide-ing the Ignis even after everything that happened last season” then maybe I could believe that the moments where he doesn’t seem fully sold that Ai is a threat at first and later entrusts Playmaker with the fate of mankind actually meant something!

…wow that’s a lot of negative things about Revolver. Would you be surprised to hear that I actually really love him? When he’s not being racist scum, his personality is actually pretty appealing. He’s very calculated and downright vicious as a duellist, but not out of hate. He respects his opponents and shows that respect by giving the duel no less than his all and I like that. It’s interesting. I also like how despite being a villain/anti-hero, he still has a level of honour/respect, even for his adversaries. Like when he kept his promise to give Playmaker the cure to the computer virus infecting Blue Angel after Playmaker beat him. The only time I recall him not giving his all in a duel was that first duel against Soulburner and that was in an admittedly clumsy attempt to make amends with him for the Lost Incident. Because Revolver is physically incapable of directly voicing how he feels and honestly, that’s probably the most relatable trait out of every character on this list. I know some people hate it but I relate to it so hard. And use it for comedic purposes in my writing way more often than I probably should. I have nothing but respect for Revolver as a duellist, he’s very skilled and respectful and I love his duels and while I don’t agree with what he fights for most of the time, he still fights that fight with honour. But I just have so much fun dunking on him as a person. He’s so fucking stupid yet simultaneously talks existential shit like some kind of genius and on a side note, his Japanese voice is so good, I could listen to him talk for hours. Oh my gosh-

Okay, I need to be honest for a minute. Revolver is not the best rival character. Kaiba is the best at fulfilling the rival role and Manjome has the most solid character arc. Either one of them is more legitimately deserving of this spot than Revolver. The reason Revolver is here is because I’d feel bad making people scroll past an abnormally long wall of text just to see who all of my picks are. I wrote so much more about Revolver than any other character on this list because whether I like it or not, Revolver is the character I feel most passionately about and that’s… at least partially for canon reasons. So… yeah, I feel comfortable saying I love him, just with the disclaimer of “he was mishandled in season 3 and completely bastardised in Duel Links.”

[bi-lullaby]

I love talking about SPN with you! Tough challenge if you're up for it: rank all 15 seasons from your personal favorite to least favorite, no ties allowed :) Have fun!

Oh dear. What a predicament you’ve put me in!

1. 1 (solid choice, me thinks. The vibes are Unparalleled. Introduced me to the LOML, Dean. Their early dynamics? Figuring out who they are, who the other is, who their family is? ugh. My heart. Also super interesting MootW episodes, charismatic, the cinematography deserves it’s own spot in the list, we feel like the Winchesters: operating from a shadowed world that’s interwoven with ours but also separate)

2. 2 (still the same vibes of the first but also angrier? there’s findings and secrets and an overachieving trama of trauma and family and grief and deep wounds from the past and revenge and worry. love it)

3. 4 (It makes me angry, sad, happy, hopeful, devastated, all of that at once and then more. I feel it’s one of the most fundamental stories to the plot of everything that comes later and it sets what came before against a solid background of the whole angels/demons/apocalypse/vessels/fate narrative, sets up a lot of the lore, it’s just genuinely good and enjoyable. Great television.)

4. 5 (The world is ending and we have no hope to stop it and yet we will? ugh. Also the reconnection of the boys. Fighting so hard for a goal that seems impossible and finding their way back tot he other. I feel this is when Cas becomes more friend than ally, which is lovely. The longing, the grief, the guilt, the horror, the hopeless and yet that doesn’t take away their fight in the end. Also In the End and Dark Side of The Moon are just. Spectacular. This one gets me every time)

5. 3 (so much angst. so much uncertainty. The unknowns. I feel this one isn’t higher only bc I watched already knowing the outcome or most of it in a way, bc I knew Dean would be alive and well for years to come bc I started when spn was further along, but for fans who watched on time? must have been a punch to the stomach).

6. 8 (I hadn’t realized how much I loved season 8 until today lol, lots of annoyances and grievances but still I enjoy and analyze it to death. I love love love Purgatory, the dynamics of the Purgatory Trio, BENNY, Kevin as a bigger character, the animosity between Sam and Dean (srsly, I think all the fics I have written mention/deal with this issue bc I’m just fascinated by both their headspaces in this and how it impacts them going forward. The trials are interesting although I felt they were a bit mishandled, and of course the many fallouts from it.)

7. 9 (same initial comment as season 8 tbh. I feel like early seasons dean is hanging on by a thread to the very end of his rope (trauma, pain, grief, etc etc) but he is hanging in there, ya know? And he wants to fight and he knows his whys. then as the years go on and the losses pile on and the pains and the more and more he’s backed into impossible corners he loses the will to hang on and I think this season is the one where we see in look at that rope and go “and why the fuck am I holding on to this?” and it’s painful and heartbreaking but also makes you cheer him on and wish for him to fet through this. I like the Bunker being a more established home base for them. I enjoy Abbadon and Metraton as antagonists although I do feel they ended up… Underwhelming? Underexplored? And Dean’s is one of my ‘favorite’ deaths the boys had. It’s so impactful and poignant.

8. 12 (I almost put it lower but alas, so many Dean/Dean-Mary dynamics moments I could not. Not the biggest fan of the BMoL but I see where they were going. I think bringing Mary back was a move that could have gone horribly wrong and in a sense I feel like it maybe wasn’t the most thematically consistent? but it allowed for fun explorations of many characters. Also, Regarding Dean is off the charts good.)

9. 6 (ohh the drama. the fallout. the would’ves should’ves could’ves. I have a love-hate relationship with soulless!sam that tends more towards love but overall a great one. I miss Lisa, there, I said it. I loved them together. I wanted them to remain that way. I loved seeing Dean be turned into a vamp, also.)

10. 10 (not much to say. I adore MoC and all about it, but I do wish some things were better handled/had more impact/were more thought out/better shown etc. Overall, great idea, not my favorite execution).

11. 11 (again, love parts, don’t love others so much. I will say, in my “dean lets go of his rope” analogy, this one is where I think he’s slowly starting to climb out of the hole he’s fallen into and see “his whys” more clearly again).

12. 7 (idk why people seem to hate 7 so much? I can’t say it’s supper impacting but it has it’s positives. And Bobby’s death! It’s so impactful, it’s genuinely a mark of splitting eras in my mind.)

13. 14. (Michael!Dean my dearest of dears. You were not here for long enough. Makes me angry and a little bitter but also great moments).

14. 13 (if you put a gun to my head I can’t recall season 13 specifically? felt like a “bridge” season ig, and I just… Don’t enjoy Jack. I know many people do, and you do you, absolutely! But he just felt like a shoehorned in deus ex machina wrapped in Cas’s more cute mannerisms and I just never connected with him or really enjoyed him as part of the family or the themes that followed his appearance).

15. (will never accept, will never like, will never enjoy, the ending is responsible for 97% of the hate for the whole season but tbh the forced “ohh look we’re meeetaaaa! it’s the lasssst sssseassssonnn” in your face level of annoyance didn’t make it all that great either. No but srsly don’t even get me started on the ending. I could spend an hour just incoherently babbling and crying and still not get my dislike across correctly).

This was quite tough, really. Thanks for the brain teaser, dearie!

[haydenckbrown]

I wasn’t a huge fan of the most recent season of Strangers Things. Mainly because of the weird decisions made with Steve, Nancy and Jonathan.

I thought we were done with this love triangle. Like it’s done. Bringing it back just felt forced and just really icky. Very regressive for all parties involved.

1) Nancy and Jonathan literally learned how to communicate last season. Why are they back to square one all of the sudden? They both grew together in season 3 and now we have Nancy pining after Steve (for some reason) and we have Jonathan lying about his applications to college. It just feels so forced. My problem isn’t even that I want them to stay together, it’s just that the conflict was stupid. I can see these two having a mutual break-up as Jonathan as always supported Nancy’s independence and as he said would never want to keep her from her goals. But it’s not set up like that at all. It’s just Jonathan lying and uncharacteristically being a shitty boyfriend. This man’s arc needs to be that he can have a life outside of his family and that he needs to take care of himself. It’s his undying devotion to his family that’s the core of most his conflicts in the show. The whole conflict between these two this season should’ve just been that Jonathan couldn’t afford to go to the college Nancy wants to go to and Nancy saying she’ll go with Jonathan despite really wanting to get into that school. Just have them be upfront with each other and have to make a difficult decision that’ll affect both their futures and relationship.

2) Steve. This poor poor man. He has grown so so so much but he still defines himself by whether or not he can get a girlfriend. We have seen this man try and get a partner after Nancy and none of it worked out, which is fine on its own and kinda is treated as a gag but when it’s just to push Nancy and Steve back together, it just kinda feels gross. Steve’s arc should be that he doesn’t need someone to be romantically involved with rn. He needs to learn that his platonic bonds have just helped him grow far beyond what a romantic relationship could give him. He’s grown BECAUSE he wasn’t with Nancy. And she’s grown separate from him as well. With how the show portrays their interactions this season it almost feels as though Nancy’s a prize for Steve’s growth which just doesn’t feel right at all, especially when Nancy’s so independent and really come into her own. Which is the other thing, Steve’s dream just shows that he still doesn’t understand Nancy. Nancy doesn’t want to be her mom. She doesn’t want the life Steve dreams of every night. She loves to work and have her own thing. Jonathan as a partner has always supported this. With this said, I’m not saying Steve is forcing Nancy into this or that his dream is necessarily bad, all it does is show that he and Nancy want different things out of life.

I believe this love triangle persisting is quite honestly a detriment to the show. It just comes across as though they’re twisting the characters for fan service.

[zalrb]

i watched tvd for the first time last year with my friend (she'd already seen 4 seasons while it was on air but stopped) when we finished it she sent me some of your posts because they were EVERYTHING we were ranting about and discussing throughout the show lol and then we read your fanfiction. i adore your stories and the way you write! i was wondering if you could pick 3 moments of angst, 3 moments of fluff, 3 moments of smut from stelena fics that you're really proud of, which would those be?

ooh, thank you! and hmm, great question.

3 moments of angst

1. Basement scene, "Just This Night"

“Stefan…”

He picked a bottle and stared at it but didn’t turn around.

“Stefan.”

He didn’t answer her and stood still.

Elena walked down the last three steps. “Can’t you even look at me?”

“No,” he said finally.

Elena felt a pang in her chest. “Don’t say that,” she said. “Please don’t say that, Stefan, I—-”

“I can’t look at you,” he said. “Because every time I do look at you, I see him all over you and it makes me want to set the house on fire.”

Elena opened her mouth to say something but couldn’t find any words that would rectify the situation.

“Every time I look at you, this morning plays over and over in my head and I want to get black-out drunk just to forget it. Every time I look at you and see his mouth on you, I want to bash Damon’s head into a wall over and over again and the guilt of that, the shame of that, is suffocating so no, Elena, I can’t look at you because looking at you kills me.”

“I’m sorry,” she managed to say. “I’m really, really sorry, Stefan, I shouldn’t have done it.”

“That’s the thing, you should’ve,” said Stefan. “You two are together, you’re married."

2. Zip-up scene, The Problem Is...

Stefan ventured further into the room and as he approached her, Elena turned toward the mirror again; she sensed his presence at her back and shivers erupted along her spine and arms, even her legs. Slowly, he began to zip up her dress and Elena closed her eyes as she felt his lips brush the nape of her neck, just barely grazing her so that her body was aching with the frustrating pleasure of near-contact. When he was done fastening her dress, Stefan’s hands slipped up from the material, onto her bare back; his fingertips were gentle whispers on her shoulders, lightly stroking her skin and her lips parted, her breath caught in her throat, her heart rate increased…

Elena sighed his name. “Stefan.” She faced him, leaning into his body and immediately, he put his arms around her and she folded into his embrace, clutching onto his jacket. “I missed you.”

“I missed you,” he said and he held her even tighter, his mouth atop her head, in her hair. Elena blinked slowly in comfort, in relief and her hands slipped up to his chest and she pulled away slightly so that she could look directly at him. After a moment she lowered her gaze to his lips. Stefan paused, an expression of conflict passing over his face, and then he closed his eyes and pulled away further so that their embrace was almost broken.

“We can’t,” he said.

“I know,” she said. “I know.”

3. "Marry him" scene, Painted Altar

Stefan didn’t say anything for what felt like a long time. He continued to gaze at Elena in her dress, his eyebrows furrowed, his jaw clenched and his eyes red and anguished. He allowed himself one minute to envision himself downstairs waiting at the end of the aisle with a rose in his lapel and two men standing next to him; one minute to see himself in his mind’s eye, waiting with the excited urge to bounce on the balls of his feet, his face alight with joy; one minute to indulge in the beautiful fantasy of waiting for Elena Gilbert to walk down toward him to be his wife for eternity. Then he closed his eyes and breathed a tortured sigh.

“I think,” he said, his voice hoarse. “I think you should marry him, Elena.”

“You what?”

“I think you should marry him,” he repeated. His tone was more urgent now, desperate. “You said it yourself. You said that you loved him—”

“It’s not enough!” said Elena incredulously. “It’s never been enough.”

“It was enough for you to stay with him for three years,” said Stefan harshly.

Elena put her hands to her head and clutched her hair. “Why can’t you just let yourself be happy?”

“That’s Damon.”

“No,” said Elena. “Damon … he struggles with responsibility and someone loving him, someone expecting things from him? The responsibility of that freaks him out.”

“And being with you helped him overcome that.”

“And you,” said Elena, speaking over him. “You don’t think you’re being responsible unless you’re unhappy. You don’t think you’re being a good man unless you deny yourself what you want.” Elena looked at him, her eyes pleading and Stefan turned away.

“He’ll know, you know,” said Elena suddenly. “He’ll know that I’m unhappy and that will ruin him.”

“You would never tell him,” said Stefan at once. “And he doesn’t know now.”

“Of course he does,” said Elena. “We fight about you more than we fight about anything else, I just keep denying all of his suspicions. Our bond … it can’t be ignored, Stefan. Not by anyone.”

Elena started to approach him but Stefan took a step back, moving so that he was in front of the painted altar. He couldn’t bear for Elena to touch him in that dress, it would kill him.

“Elena, please,” he begged.

She didn’t listen and came toward him, his eyes closed and his face turned away from her but Elena put her palms on the sides of his face and brought his gaze to her. “Stefan,” she said. “Stefan. I love you. OK? We can’t hide from this anymore.”

Stefan leaned forward and kissed her hard on the lips, one hand on her cheek, the other on her back, feeling the corset ties that fastened her dress. He tortured himself with the taste of her tongue, the softness of her lips; utterly ripped himself apart with rediscovering the feeling of coming home, of finding solace and thrill in her arms, in their hold. Elena threw her arms around Stefan’s neck, melding into his body, arching her back to push herself deeper into the kiss, into him, their embrace an eternalized moment beneath the painted altar.

“If you really love me,” said Stefan between kisses, his breathing ragged, his eyes finally giving way to tears, his lips swollen and burning, his hands trembling against Elena’s face. “If you really love me you’ll marry him. You’ll do that for me. Elena, please.” He kissed her again, closing his eyes, feeling more tears stream down his face. “Please.”

3 moments of smut

1. Bloodshare, Counterpoints

At that moment Elena sunk her fangs into Stefan’s neck and felt him his readiness intensify beneath her. He let out a groan that reverberated throughout her bones and that made her suck harder, causing him to moan louder. His cries made her itch her tongue above his wound as she drank and he squeezed her in response. Elena sighed, relishing the intensity of his pleasure; it was a gateway into how he felt, what he felt, into his fears and dreams, his hopes, his disappointments, his priorities, his arousals, into his very being and Elena revelled in it. Without warning, Elena felt fangs pierce into her back just behind her shoulder and she mewled as she fed; stricken with a pleasure that brought her to an immediate climax that shattered her completely and that didn’t stop, but that erupted in wave after wave after wave after …

2. Library scene, The Problem Is (because I had to do an Atonement-esque scene, dammit)

he moved her across the room until her back was against a bookcase. The hardcover spines dug uncomfortably into Elena’s skin but she couldn’t have cared less not with Stefan pressed against her, his kiss reckless, almost wild, almost reverent.

“I want to see you,” he gasped and he undid his mask, letting it fall indelicately to the floor, by his feet so that he stepped on it when he melded into Elena again. Her hands were everywhere on his body, gripping his neck, gliding down his back, combing through his hair and she pushed him to her so that his body was pressed even harder against hers. Months of restraint, of lingering stares and unspoken wishes, were coming undone in this moment, being fully realized in this embrace.

Elena slipped her hands beneath Stefan’s jacket and slid it off so that it fell to the floor, feeling his muscular arms through his shirt and beneath her palms. She loosened his tie, ridding it from his neck and undid his collar so that she could kiss him along his throat, listening as he sighed appreciatively. Her fingers made quick work of the rest of his buttons while she felt his hands on the back off her dress, undoing the zipper, his lips grazing across her shoulders. Elena pulled away, panting heavily, catching her breath, and started to fumble with Stefan’s fly but he growled in impatience and brought her lips to his again, lifting her so that her legs were wrapped around his middle and so that she was half-sitting on one of the shelves, some of the books falling to the floor with loud clunks. Her dress was pooled around her waist now and Stefan’s mouth was on her throat, her chest, between her breasts, his hands kneading her back, unbuckling her bra and Elena gasped, clutching one of the shelves above her head. Stefan reached up and put his hand over hers, their fingers entwined. Elena felt him hard between her thighs and she moaned, longing for this; she longed for this with her entire body, it was excruciating.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted this,” she whispered.

Stefan wrenched away from her and looked up into her eyes, his breathing ragged and his gazed aroused and raw and … tormented.

“What?” said Elena breathlessly. “Stefan, what is it?”

“Elena, I can’t,” he said. “You have no idea what it’s like, to want you like this, to crave you like this but I can’t do this and see him everyday, I can’t go further than—”

She kissed him, her lips soft, her mouth hard. “We won’t,” she said, panting. “We won’t go further than this. I just…” She pushed her lips against his again, putting new meaning behind it, kissing him fiercely, sadly, with want for more. She breathed into his ear. “Stefan, I—” He pulled away from her and burrowed his face into Elena’s neck, his hands skating over her skin, losing himself in the taste of her, the smell of her, anguished with self-control, keeping himself from getting lost completely like wanted, like she wanted. He wrecked himself with the feel of her, his hand squeezing hers against the bookshelf, her fingers digging into his knuckles

3. Reunion sex, What's A Soulmate?

This was too much. Too — she — he — Elena forgot how to speak, how to think, how to breathe. Her body convulsed in waves of pleasure so penetrating that she didn’t know how she could possibly not die.

It felt like — she felt like — he — they —

The clatter echoed in Stefan’s ears but he couldn’t stop feeding, he couldn’t stop moving; Elena was everywhere on him and he was revelling in her essence, her very being, she’d allowed him that access, he was alive to experience that access and that was — it was — he was —

Stefan’s body tremored with the same severity it trembled from before and he quickly extended his arm, turning his hand into a fist, and he crashed it down on the carpet, creating a hole through the material and through the wood; the impact of his punch splintered the floor throughout the living room. His other hand reached for the leg beneath the couch, his hips rotating, his tongue lapping, Elena’s blood on his tongue, her legs around his waist, her moan in his ear —

“Stefan…”

He thrust into Elena hard and deep, clenching the wooden couch leg in his hand, splintering it in his hold so that the couch became lopsided.

3 moments of fluff

1. Taking care of drunk Elena drabble

Stefan grinned as he made it back to the bed. “Sit up? Arms up.”

Elena raised herself into an upright position and lifted her arms. Stefan swiftly slid off her tank top and dressed Elena in his shirt, gently putting her arms through the sleeves.

“What about my jeans?” she said.

Stefan tried not to laugh at Elena’s drunken attempt at a seductive expression.

“Miss Gilbert, are you trying to seduce me?”

She smiled in triumph. “It’s working, right?”

Stefan moved so his face was only a breath away from hers. “Absolutely.” He kissed her forehead and helped her inch out of her pants, then picked up her tank top and put her clothes on a nearby chair.

As he opened the decanter of water sitting on the table next to the armchair, Elena bunched the front of Stefan’s shirt into her fist and bent her head to inhale the scent of the material.

“I love wearing your shirts,” she said.

“I know,” said Stefan, pouring her a glass of water. “You’ve stolen about five.”

“Seven, actually.”

Stefan put the water on the nightstand and then lay Elena down. “I love sleeping in them even if I’m home and you’re not there,” she sighed, wrapping her arms around a pillow.

“Seven shirts? I consider that larceny.”

“I don’t care,” she said, hugging the pillow tighter.

2. Food fight, Only If For A Night

Whoosh. Hiss. Sizzle.

Stefan broke away and looked behind him to the stove. The pot with the spaghetti was overflowing. He rushed back over and lifted it off the burner, draining the pasta in the strainer.

“You’re distracting me. You can’t be in the kitchen,” he said.

“But I like watching you cook.”

“Then you have to watch. Stay there.”

“But I can’t see from over here. Let me help.”

“Remember the last time?”

“The fire extinguisher was right there! Come on, I can do something.”

Stefan turned his head to look at her, she looked back.

“Fine. Come here.”

Elena grinned and skipped over to the counter by the stove.

“You can start on dessert. Work the dough with your hands.”

Elena shifted over to the sink and rinsed her hands beneath the faucet, wiping them off on a tea towel, and then she dug her hands into the silver bowl in front of her, kneading the dough.

“Like this?”

Stefan glanced over to what she was doing then turned the heat down on all of the burners and moved from the stove to the counter. He stood behind Elena, his front pressed against her back and he put his hands in the bowl with hers, their fingers entwining as they both massaged the dough. After a while, Elena hooked some on her index finger then turned around slightly to smear it beneath Stefan’s nose, giving him a moustache.

“There,” she said, barely containing her laughter. “Much better. You look so much more sophisticated with a moustache.”

Stefan stared seriously at her for a minute and then abruptly grabbed fistfuls of dough and slathered it in her hair.

“STEFAN!”            Laughing, he used his speed to zoom away from her as Elena reached for the cutting board and hurtled diced onions and tomatoes and parsley at him by the handful. Quickly, she opened the fridge, taking out a bottle of Heinz and raced toward Stefan, squeezing all of the ketchup onto his head. Stefan retaliated by grabbing clumps of the spaghetti and throwing it at her. They continued to run around the kitchen, their bodies a blur of speed, chucking fruits at each other, spraying condiments on one another, dumping juices and sodas on each other until they were grimed and slicked with food. Breathless and exhilarated, Elena hid behind the breakfast counter, stooped low as Stefan stood in the kitchen.

3. Wind Down, Confrontations

Stefan nodded and then eyed the packages surrounding Elena. She shrugged. “I told you I could break him,” she said.

Stefan grinned an walked over to the bed, falling flat onto the mattress.

Elena put her hand atop his head, lightly brushing his hair. When he looked up at her, she took out another marshmallow and put in between her teeth. Stefan leaned forward.

“That’s why I only put five packs in the cupboard,” he murmured. He sunk his teeth into the other end of the marshmallow so that his lips pressed against Elena’s, kissing her.

“Where are the rest?” she said, smiling, but Stefan kept kissing her until she started to giggle.

“Tell me!”

He shook his head. “I’ll never surrender.”

Elena kissed him again, deeper this time, and he responded with an enthusiasm that made it clear his passion from this morning hadn’t left him. She felt herself beginning to sink into him, felt herself itching for more and didn’t know if she’d be rational enough to stop herself when she’d already delayed their gratification a few hours earlier.

Luckily, Stefan pulled away just an inch, his chest heaving with unfulfilled desire, eyes hungry and aroused and happy. But there was something else there too; Elena could feel it. It was only a second but he had that silence to him that consumed him sometimes, when the demons of his past

“How was your day?”

Stefan sighed and then rolled over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. He reached beside him and stroked Elena’s arm.

“I have to go to Syracuse,” he said.

*BONUS FOR ANGST*

Wedding Scene, Endure Choices

Caroline made it to the altar and Stefan took her by the hand as she moved to stand in front of him. He could see Elena in the periphery, just behind Caroline and a little to the right. Her head was turned toward them like the other bridesmaids but her eyes were lowered. Stefan looked back to Caroline who was smiling incredulously. She put her hand on his cheek.

“Aww, your face is red,” she said. “Are you going to cry?”

“No,” Stefan whispered. He smiled. “I won’t cry, I promise.”

She giggled.

Damon started the proceedings and something within Elena shrunk painfully, there was a weight on her chest that made her want to sink onto the floor. It hurt her to be so devastated with grief on her best friend’s wedding day and she wanted to the ceremony to be over so she could feel ashamed in private, so she could endure the extent of her sorrow alone because watching the two of them together opened within her a wound beyond healing

“The couple has prepared their own vows…”

Elena closed her eyes at the words. Is this what she woke up for? To suffer for a choice she thought she needed to make but that only caused her massive destruction.

“Oops.”

Caroline fumbled with the piece of paper she’d written her vows on and it fell to the floor. When she bent to pick it up, Elena took this moment to glance at Stefan. Just once. When he wasn’t paying attention. She lifted her head slightly to gaze at him and saw that he was already looking at her, raw-eyed and clenched jaw. Her lips parted. Something within her contracted. And she felt the tears before she knew what was happening; she didn’t sniffle or blubber, she merely cried silently, stoically, accepting the warm streaks down her face.

The emotion that had been swelling in Stefan’s chest burst beyond repression and a tear dropped from his eye as he watched Elena cry. Caroline stood back up, blocking most of Elena from Stefan. She looked at him.

“You did cry,” she said.

“Sorry,” he gasped as another tear fell. “I am so sorry.”

Caroline smiled and started to read her vows as Stefan and Elena kept each other in their sights, staring at one another through the corners of their eyes, as one tear fell after the other.

Damon turned to Stefan. “Brother, your turn.”

Stefan’s eyes fluttered. He refocused his attention to Caroline who beamed at him. “Caroline, I …” He pressed his lips together.“I am not a perfect man and I never want to hurt you. Ever. You’ve seen me through so much. So I … I vow to you today to do everything in my power to be the man that you deserve…”

Elena chewed on her bottom lip as another tear fell, the salty sadness stinging her tongue. Stefan powered through even though he was torn inside with longing and guilt and shame and sadness.

At the back of the venue, behind the guests, two people listened to the ceremony with lazy expressions; one was picking at her nails and the other was eating some of the wedding cake with his fingers.

“I have to say, I’m disappointed. All I heard in Hell were stories about the Infamous Katherine Pierce and your flare for making an entrance. All you did was wake up Elena Gilbert. Not to brag, but the last time I crashed a wedding, the bride died and so did, like, fifty guests. This is just boring.”

Katherine turned to Kai. “This is more personal than that. I don’t just want to kill them for what they did to me, I want to destroy their lives and everyone knows, including Caroline but she’s just being an idiot, that Stefan Salvatore and bland, simple, self-righteous Little Miss Elena Gilbert are each other’s One True Loves. They will never get over each other. And nothing pleases me more than Stefan watching Elena watch him marry her best friend while Damon watches Elena’s reaction to Stefan marrying Caroline and Caroline being Caroline and burying her head in the sand, acting like none of this is happening. It’s going to rip them all apart until finally one of them snaps and I’m going to be there when that happens. They’re going to destroy themselves over this little love rhombus and then when they’ve psychologically and emotionally torn each other to shreds, I will kill them all.”

[blackcherrykiss]

BLOOD BOUNDARIES - Enhypen OT7 Fanfic (ch.9)

[CH.1] [CH.2] [CH.3] [CH.4] [CH.5] [CH.6] [CH.7][CH.8] previous chapters

[CH.10] next chapter (unavailable on tumblr but avaliable on wattpad!)

You wait outside the nurse's office beside Jay in complete silence. You were both waiting for someone to burst out the door in front of you to rest assure Jungwon's condition.

"You can go to class, I'll stay and wait for Jungwon." Jay broke the noiseless lounge as his eyes laid flat on the grim grey floor. You were willing to stick around but realized  it would be better if you were to just leave. Jungwon probably wouldn't want to see you after the minor argument. You simply nodded your head and left without another word.

When you had arrived in your astronomy class you carefully explained yourself, explaining Jay would be gone for most of the afternoon. Your teacher listened intently and understood every word well. Sitting in your usual spot, a wave of frustration washes over you once you remember Sunghoon had stolen your book for the class. You could only hope the new interesting concept of the class would jog your mind off of things to which it did. However, as the class came to a close you couldn't help birdwatch Jay's desk. Jay's absence for the entire class continued to make you worry about Jungwon and his condition.

Sending yourself out of the class in a daze, you began to join the trail of the halls. You met Nana and Dahee walking out of their class at the same time to your surprise, "Oh! Y/N!" With an abrupt slide to slow down you let the two girls catch up to you, "Sorry we couldn't eat lunch with you and Hyesun, we went to track tryouts." Nana gleefully explained.

"It's fine, I had detention for half of lunch and then got caught up in something..." Your head going straight back to Jungwon, "We should all be apologizing to Hyesun right now..." Immediately you got reminded about what Hyesun had mentioned to you earlier, "Hey, Dahee... I actually really need to speak to you about something in private." You asked shamelessly.

Nana looked at you both suspiciously but ultimately respected the privacy you desired, "I'll get going to my last class then, girls." She tapped both of your shoulders before joining the flowing current of the hallway.

You went with Dahee to a more private space, under one of the stairwells of the school. "Dahee, Hyesun told me about you and Sunghoon..." You trailed off, hoping you didn't have to say much more as to what you were about to say.

"So you do like him?" Dahee gasped happily to your surprise, "Don't worry I'm not that into him yet... But you should've told us a long time ago!" She nudged you gently in the elbow.

"Yeah! Sorry about that..." You lied with deep despise. You now had to act like you liked Sunghoon and that was the worst feeling ever, "I'll tell you about it later then, you should get going!" You cut the conversation very short so Dahee could both get to her class in time.

"I will! See you!" She waved in a much brighter mood now that you told her you supposedly liked someone for the first time forever.

"Dear Lord, what am I getting myself into?" You muttered furiously. Were you really going the extra mile to protect your friends over some gut feelings? You were literally praying to God that you would receive some sort of reserved spot in heaven for the shadow work you were doing. That is until you were interrupted by a somberly slow clap and a couple of shoes that clacked against the stairs above you.

"Wasn't expecting such a plot twist..." Sunoo came into clear view after reaching the final step at the bottom of the staircase. This was now the second time you were caught being heard by people separate from your plan. "So you didn't like Jungwon, but Sunghoon?!" He giggled in interest and cheap pity. He seemed rather thrilled to overhear your bullshit.

"I..." You could not come up with a reply in fear of both outcomes. By telling the truth or carrying out the lie to people, you were putting yourself in a very sticky situation.

"Dahee and Sunghoon were hitting it off so well the other day, it's a shame you're in the way..." Sunoo made an overly exaggerated glum face to piss you off, "You don't actually like him now, do you?" Sunoo caught on to your intentions, circling around you, "You're just doing it to save her, yes?"

You remained silent, causing Sunoo to stop right behind you where you felt the heat of his body getting closer.

"You're a lot smarter than some girls... It's enticing really... Perhaps that's why the boys are so fond of you?" Sunoo snaked around his arm to have the dull edge of his nail touch the flesh of between your jaw and neck. Slowly he etched a line down until it was right against your throbbing pulse.

You pulled away in shock as to how scandalous the act was, "I need to go... I'm supposed to check on Jungwon." You stepped away to face Sunoo in an abrupt manner.

"I heard about Jungwon's situation from Jay," He held the sharpest part of his chin between his index and middle finger, "Jungwon will just continue to get sick. He's so malnourished."

"Malnourished?" You echoed Sunoo.

"He chose to end up like that." Sunoo walked toward you again but this time passing you, with his shoulder slightly bumping yours, "Don't pity him, darling."

You shuddered. Sunoo was the most mysterious with his hints. He was the hardest to read between the lines with. For some reason, only he out of the boys influenced your thinking pattern.

...

After school and a mediocre meal at dinner, you regretted not at least peeping your head by the nurse's office just once that afternoon. Jungwon had probably been released from health watch but you thought you could've come to terms with him that evening. It was unsatisfying as you didn't feel any closure between the war of words you had with him. What wasn't helping was the stress you also had from Sunghoon.

The daylight vanished rather quick in the colder season of the year and dusk approached rather faster than a candle blowout. Since Sunghoon didn't set a specific time, you just headed out with not a glance at the clock. Your guess was to sneak out as soon as the sun came falling down. Due to the hallway monitors of your school during the late evening, it suddenly became an obstacle you had not planned for. You were confused yourself as to how Sunghoon could sneak out at this time of day, surely sneaking out super late at night was possible but not in the evening. Eventually, you took a trip out of a window on the bottom floor of the dormitory to bypass one of the school monitors.

You were well aware of how idiotic you looked running down the concrete steps and toward the very back of your school where the shadows of the forest shined brightly. You didn't see Sunghoon at all insight which was making your heart thump in fear and anger. There was no way this guy was going to set you up like this? You bit around random parts on the inside parts of your mouth as the sky grew darker every few seconds. With no one around and nothing around to do as you waited for Sunghoon, you approached the line between the woods and open grass field. You began to get deja vu of Jungwon which made you nervous as you felt the same wispy grass tickle at your calves.

"You actually came?" Sunghoon's voice rang in the open air from behind you,  scaring the literal hell out of you.

"Y-yes I did." You sighed as to how close you were to exploring that forest, "Let's just get to the point." You turned your head back just for him to be in your personal space, you almost lost your balance trying to add some room.  

"Walk with me." He ignored your jump into things while crossing the boundary between the skylight of dusk and the darkness of the woods.  With hesitation and no clue as to what was about to go down, you followed him. "What did you want to hear from me again?" He asked carelessly with hands in his pockets as he guided you over a pile of soil and dead leaves.

"Kyungeun." You answered bluntly. "Why is she tied down to you?"

"That son of a bitch. She told you, huh?" He rolled his eyes in dear annoyance, "I guess you could say I have some information about her that would totally diminish her image." He kicked and crunched around a couple of leaves as he dragged his feet. You remembered Jaeyun had told you Kyungeun had secrets, perhaps that was it? Were you allowed to ask him about it?

Making a mental note to ask Kyungeun about it later you brisked forward to the next question, "Okay? But you said she'd be of no use to you when you get your hands on Dahee... What exactly did you mean?" Your heart thumped in loud eagerness as you move behind Sunghoon.

"She doesn't taste as good." Sunghoon paused to have you hear him clearly, "Her blood."

Your face heated up, a vibrant blush sparkling your face before the sickening realization hit you, "D-don't tell me..." The horror spreading like wildfire in your body from your head downwards. You were frozen to the very core as all the puzzle pieces came together. All the times including the gash on Kyungeun's neck, the warnings Sunoo gave, and Heeseung licking your hand... It wasn't just Sunghoon who was a vampire, it was all of the boys...

What Sunghoon faced you with a gentle eyes he withdrew the small book from inside his blazer, making your ankles shake. "I suppose you'll know why I took this now." He shook the book before throwing it in front of you with pity. You simply watched the book plop on the bed of dead leaves before your shoes in no ability to process or produce words. You didn't even feel like picking up the book as you were afraid of reading it's horrific contents.

"W-well you won't be getting your hands on Dahee any time soon." You tremble with a paralyzing fear as you tried to speak. You were regretting the bold comment, for fuck sakes the boy standing before you could kill you right then and there.

He stepped closer and closer to which you stepped further and further. "Well, then I guess I'll keep Kyungeun under my power until the day she dies." His scornful laugh made you shudder painfully. In full defeat, you were sincerely helpless. You felt you couldn't run nor report the boys, who would ever believe you? You began questioning how you even got in this position.

"Wh-why does it have to be them? Can't you just live without blood?!" You cried pathetically as you backed into a hard tree.

"And end up like Jungwon?" Delight crept onto Sunghoon's white face as yours grew in confusion, "He hasn't drunk blood in months, he's so weak to the point where he can't even stand sometimes..." Sunghoon went on to speak his mind, "Heeseung and I were convinced he was messing around you for your blood."

Your eyes shot wide open in disbelief, "Well he's clearly not like you if he's abstaining from blood."

"It's true... Something changed in him recently after he started talking to you. Perhaps he has fallen for a mortal?"

"Go to fucking hell." You muttered at a volume that wasn't loud enough for Sunghoon to hear.

"As soon as I sensed your presence that day in the library, I knew you would fall down this rabbit hole." He hummed while bending to have your eyes both at the same level. "Curiosity killed the cat."

You held your tongue with no desire to respond to Sunghoon as the closeness was now more than dangerous. But your muted self only gave Sunghoon the opportunity to proceeded to taunt you. He began caging you against the tree, causing you to press up against the rough wood where you couple feel every detail of the bark on your back.

"I remember Heeseung telling Jaeyun and I about just how good the blood from finger tasted... How about a deal?" He caught your attention as you met eyes with him. A full set of upper teeth being exposed between his rosy lips. If there was one thing you had been taught by the caregivers of your school, it was to never make deals with the devil. You knew exactly what kind of bargin Sunghoon had in store for you "I'll leave your friends in peace if you promise me this," He said with a small lean forward so that his chin rested on your collarbone earning a gasp from you,

"You'll give me your blood in exchange for theirs."

[theonewiththefanfics]

Because Hearts Get Broken - I Know That You’re Scared (Part 2/3)

Continuation of ‘Because Hearts Get Broken’ - see my masterlist for it :)

Synopsis: She’s trying to move on. He’s still hoping for a chance

Pairing: Harry Styles x fem!Reader

Genre: angsty, bruh, but with a sprinkle of fluff and a hopeful (??) ending

Warnings: swearing, emotionally distant mindset... can’t think of anything else, really. 

Word count: 3656

Heartbreak isn’t loud. Y/N doesn’t even know if it had a sound what it would be like. Like glass shattering against the ground? Or maybe like a book being ripped and shredded apart, memories of time spent together ruined. Or maybe it'd like the crackle of a fire, as it slowly but surely crept up and turned everything into charred remains before it became nothing but ash and was carried away by the winds.

        No one in her family talked about feelings. If they did all they received back was ‘suck it up. That’s life’. After that, it was time to move on. So, when she got together with probably the most open-hearted person in the world, it was almost laughable.

        Y/N had always been the friend others went for advice, relationship or not, but she herself never asked for one, simply because she didn’t wanna bother anyone. Not that she thought the others were bothers. It’s just having grown up in a household where emotions were basically suppressed, opening up was quite impossible. 

       Then came Harry. Perfect, impossible, loving, sweet, kind, ridiculously open Harry. God, she just wanted to punch him because no one should be that nice. 

        January 2nd, 2020 he’d called her up, having gotten Y/N’s number from Sarah (after ages of pleading, because as much as Sarah sometimes couldn’t handle drunk Y/N, she’d defend and protect her until the very last breath), and they set up a coffee date.

        Slowly but surely, they spent more and more time together and seeing as her job had her based in LA for a while, visiting Harry was no problem. Then the pandemic hit, and on March 18th the whole stay-at-home order was issued in California. 

        Y/N was in a panic. She was meant to leave LA in ten days, and the hotel her company was paying for had been paid until the 28th. With all flights getting rapidly cancelled, she was scrambling to get one, but even her firm was unable to get her a seat. That’s when Harry had called up, his tone a worried, urgent mess as to if Y/N was alright and what her plans were.

        Of course, him being him, he immediately offered her a place to stay.

        “We don’t even need to stay in the same room, there’s like five other guest rooms you can take up,” he tried to joke, and ease her tension.

        “Fuck, Harry, just rub it in how rich you are.” Y/N cackled, and when she heard him laugh in the background, her heart did that stupid fluttery thing she’d grown so used to. 

        It took a little persuasion from Harry’s side, and reassurance at least seven more times, that Y/N wouldn’t be intruding on his space, and he was more than happy to spend the quarantine with someone else, instead of being alone, and that in no way her taking over a room or two would limit him and his own artistic endeavours. So, apprehensively Y/N packed her suitcases, grabbed an uber, wearing a mask the whole time, and drove to Harry’s place.  

When Y/N saw the gated community and the palace he was living in, the inside of her cheek was practically bitten in half. They’d barely been together for three months, and now she was basically moving in with him, but given how it was either live with Harry in a fucking mansion or walk across the country to New York, she took the first option. 

        As much as Harry loved on her, pretty much shagging her brains out every possible second, and loving on her until her cheeks hurt from smiling, the anxiety about the whole situation never left.

Harry was worried about his mom and sister, Y/N was scared of what was happening in New York. So, when the state boarders opened, immediately, although reluctantly, she flew back to her apartment and her dying plants, but never forgetting to FaceTime with Harry. But they couldn't stay away long from one another.

        Which is why they decided, given how she was able to work from home now, and Harry could do so as well, they’d fly over to one another every two weeks, quarantine together for the next two weeks, and then fly to the other place. Her boss actually loved the idea that Y/N was so willing to go back and forth between the two cities, so all her flights were written off as business expenses, not to mention when she said she wouldn’t need a hotel, he was more than thrilled to let her be in LA whenever she wanted, as long as her work got done.

        It seemed funny to her now, that before Y/N couldn’t wait to get back to the sunny state of Cali. Now when she had to fly over (which was just a couple of times since the breakup), going through JFK security made her sweat, and landing was a vomit-inducing action. And the last time she’d gotten back to the home-base state, she’d actually thrown up, Harry’s last words ringing in her ears.

        It’d been three weeks since Sarah’s New Year party, and three weeks since she’d spoken to him although he still kept calling. Every morning she’d wake up to a couple of notifications of missed calls, and each time she’d listen to the messages; it was all the same – I miss your voice. And every time she’d listen to it, her thoughts were exactly the same. You could say it was almost pathetic as to how many times she’d listened to his albums, just to hear him sing. Almost like he used to do right before she fell asleep.

        But Y/N had no one else but herself to blame for it. She’d been the one to call it quits, she’d been the one who walked out of his apartment, and the one who decided she wouldn’t fight. 

        Now, she was sat by her small magazine table, documents spread out in front of her as if a tornado had rolled through, while an apple and cinnamon candle spread its delicious scent through the air. 

        Y/N would only admit it once because, well, the proof was all over the apartment, but she was very lazy when it came to taking away the Christmas décor. It made her feel warm and comfy. And it reminded her of Harry. How when she’d woken up after their first date, already in the new year, he still had colourful fairy lights strung across the curtain rods, giving everything a soft, cosy glow. 

        He’d also been the one who convinced her that a real Christmas tree was so much better than a plastic one. 

        “Yes, it’s a hassle,” he’d said through slurred words as they’d slinked away from the partying crowd after the countdown was done, and each of them had taken three shots of vodka. “But it’s so worth it. Smells like a fucking forest in your room. Like proper Christmas!”

        And although she’d spent this holiday season alone, Harry had been right. Just like he’d been right about Y/N.

        She tapped her pen against the glass surface and readjusted her position on the floor.

        “This is the periodic table, noble gases stable, halogens and alkali react aggressively,” Y/N hummed as she highlighted the incorrect parts of the paper in front of her. “Each period will see new outer shells, while electrons are added moving to the right.”

        Just as she was about to start off the second verse, her doorbell rang, and her stomach gurgled in response.

        “Ugh,” she groaned to herself. “Pasta come to fuckin’ mama.”

        But when she opened the door, she wasn’t greeted by the Uber Eats delivery man.

        “Harry.”

        Y/N was taken aback. She didn’t expect him to visit her, especially not so soon and especially to fly out to New York (as much as he was most likely there to do other stuff as well, her gut told her he was there for her). 

Sure, she hoped that one day they could be friends, if not acquaintances, he was too important of a person for her to lose completely from her life, but that was looking like five years into the future.

        “I bring gifts.” He raised his hand where her boxes of food hung in a paper bag. “Can I?”

        “Uh, yeah, of course!” She shook her head to clear it from the shock and allowed Harry to enter into the warmth of her apartment and escape from the cold January air.

        “I was on my way up when the delivery man came in, and I recognised by the boxes it was yours.” The smirk on Harry’s face was something Y/N loved to see, but usually, she liked to also wipe it away. Preferably with her own lips. 

        She let out a small scoff, not waiting to see if he followed inside, as she scurried to the adjacent kitchen and grabbed two plates, while he opened up the white cardboard containers and allowed the delicious smell of spaghetti Bolognese as well as a carbonara waft into the air. Y/N had wanted to eat the latter at some point during the night when the munchies hit, but she supposed Harry was probably hungry as well. “Maybe there’s someone else here, who likes Italian.”

        “Probably, but only you would order from the shittiest Italian restaurant just because they have pesto and parmesan bread.”

        “Hey!” She slapped his arm. “They’re not shit. They provide me with everything I need – calories, carbs and bread.”

        “What more does a person need?”

        “Exactly!”

        Both of them let out small chuckles and then settled down on her couch to dig into the meal. They ate in silence, and despite Y/N’s initial shock, it wasn’t uncomfortable. In fact, they were sitting pretty much shoulder to shoulder, as she watched Harry re-read the spread-out articles on the table and use her marker to tick some stuff that could use re-wording. He had a knack for words, after all.

        “I uh…” He wiped his mouth with one of the napkins provided by the diner before clasping his fingers together and looking at the woman sitting next to him, as she slowly set her empty plate on the small cupboard beside the sofa. “I was hoping we could talk.”

        Y/N hung her head. She should’ve known he wasn’t here to just check-in and have some dinner. “We already did. Twice might I add. What makes you think this time the ending will be different?”

        “Third times the charm?” Harry let out a little laugh, and she rolled her eyes. “Look, I didn’t wanna leave everything the way I did. I – I said some pretty shit things.”

        Y/N fiddled with her thumb. ‘I had,’ Harry’s words echoed in her head. ‘Only she didn’t trust that I loved her the same.’ “Nothing that was untrue though.”

        “See, that’s where I think both of us are wrong.”

        That was not what Y/N thought this conversation would be whatsoever.

        “I – “ He cleared his throat. “I know I said I didn’t think you trusted me that I loved you enough. I think you know I did – do.”

        If Y/N still had any food in her mouth she would’ve choked on it, as she bit back the rising lump in her throat, but instead of interrupting him, she let Harry continue. “And honestly, it’s not your fault that it fell apart, ‘s my fault too. I pushed you to do something, you didn’t want to, weren’t comfortable with, when you told me not to… just because I wanted to feel important, ‘nd because I wanted to get a role in your life you weren’t ready for yet. And I’m sorry for doing that. I should’ve never forced you.”

        “Harry…” Y/N was at a complete loss. “I – I don’t really know what to say.”

        He took her left hand in his and clasped it, finally able to properly say what'd been eating away at him. “During the New Year party, I didn’t go about it the right way. I was just – I was just still so hurt, and I wanted you to hurt the same because… it didn’t seem like you cared at all, which I know you did… I know you loved me, and…” He took in a deep breath. “I hope that you still do. At least enough to give us another chance. We can take it at your pace,” he instantly added, knowing how she’d react, expecting the sigh and the almost tired and resigned ‘Harry’ that escaped her lips. But he’d say everything on his mind. “You can take how long you need to feel like you can trust me with what’s bothering you.”

        “Harry,” she repeated, but it didn’t seem like he was about to stop.

        “But I think we can do it, and we can do it right this time. We know where we stand, we won't make the same mistakes.”

        Y/N’s hand came to rest against his cheek, and he practically melted, engulfing her palm with his as to not let her touch leave his skin for even a second. “Are you even listening to yourself?”

        “Look, I know, you’re scared, and the thing is, so am I. I don’t want it to end like that or end. Period. But I do want to try again.”

        And if nothing but to humour him Y/N asked, “And if it does end the same way?”

        “It won’t.” He was so sure of it, she had to laugh.

        “Harry, the big difference between us is – you like to talk about your feelings. You like to go through them and stuff. I don’t. I feel… icky when I even think about talking to someone of what I feel. We’re just too opposite.”

        “Opposites attract.”

        “No,” she pointed a finger at him, stifling her laughter, though Harry seemed not to be hiding his smile. “Do not use science against me.”

        He raised his hands as if in surrender. “I’m not, I’m just supporting my point with facts. Scientific facts, that you can’t argue against.”

        “I mean…” Y/N shrugged her shoulders. “I dunno… Maybe it was a good thing we ended it when we did. It was ten months – almost ten – amazing months, but… can you imagine if we’d gone so far as to think about moving in together, and then it fell apart? That would’ve been a whole different kind of a mess.”

        “Do you love me?”

        Y/N sighed, resting her cheek against the couch while she smoothed away his brown locks from his face. “Of course, I do. Don’t think there will be a time in my life I don’t.”

        “Then that’s all I need.”

         “Is that really enough for you?”

        “Yes.”

        And there was no lie in that single word. Did he want for Y/N to feel comfortable enough with him that she talked about whatever concerned her, however small? Of course. But he also wanted her to be comfortable enough to be herself. If that meant her keeping things to herself, and trusting Harry to support her decisions, it’d be enough.

        Her Y/E/C eyes hadn’t left his green ones, and they only widened as he leaned forwards and pressed his forehead to hers.

        “Haz…”

        Fuck, how he’d missed her calling him that. It wasn’t an exclusive nickname by any means, but when it came from Y/N’s mouth, it was the sweetest sound in the universe.

        He was her Haz when he broke a plate, he was her Haz when she threw her head back as pleasure exploded through her body, he was her Haz when he took her hand in his to quell her anxiety, and he was her Haz when he gave her tissues as they watched a movie, and she couldn’t help but cry each time a dog or cat died (or a dragon, but he was a sobbing mess as well because ‘Dragonheart’ messed with them both).

        His lips were so close, and just as they skimmed over her own, Y/N’s phone rang making her physically spring back, eyes like saucers.

        “S – Sorry,” she stammered, scrambling to find the annoying device between the cushions. It was Sarah’s name that lit up her screen.

        “Hey, what’s up?” Y/N started, voice trembling and shaky. God, when had she suddenly gone so out of breath? And why was her head so dizzy, as if she’d just gotten off a rollercoaster?

        “Yeah, he’s here,” she replied, eyeing Harry. “Yeah, just a sec,” and Y/N handed him her phone with a quiet ‘why’s your phone always dead?’

        ‘Didn’t know it died’, he said, but that was untrue. He’d turned it off so this sort of a situation wouldn’t happen; so a call or text wouldn’t interrupt him at the most critical moment. He had to give the universe a proper talk once he was done.

        “ ‘Ello?” 

        Seconds of silence passed, and Y/N didn’t like how weird it was, so she took the empty plates and put them in the sink to soak.

        “Now?”

        She could see the frustration rise in Harry as his forehead creased, and he let a hand rake through his hair. “Fuck’s sake… yeah, I’ll be there in ten. ‘S alright,” he sighed. “Not your fault Sarah. Tell Jeff not to worry, and that I’m not dead.”

        With that, he pressed the red button and ended the call, drumming his fingers against the screen. God, he really didn’t want to leave. Not now. Not after he’d been so close.

        “Uh, work?” Y/N asked, arms crossed in front of her as if she was protecting herself from the answer. 

        “Yeah, sorry. I uh a meeting from tomorrow got rescheduled for tonight, like right now because there was some sort of an emergency from the label’s side."

        “ ‘S alright, I get it. Showbiz never stops.” Y/N motioned to the door. “I’ll walk you out.”

        There were a couple of times in his life Harry wanted to give himself a beating. Once when he was six and Gemma had told on him after he’d broken a favourite vase of their mothers, he decided to get revenge and destroy her favourite plushie. He’d never forget the tears Gem had cried, and how absolutely heartbroken she’d sounded. He vowed although he was the little brother, to never ever let anyone hurt her like that, and if someone did, they’d meet their maker sooner rather than later.

        The second time was when he was still a teenager, One Direction on the rise, and it had gotten to his head just a little bit more than it should’ve. He’d gotten really messed up at a party (which Harry shouldn’t have even been at). The disappointment on his mother’s face as she scolded him through FaceTime was gut-wrenching enough to make him promise to always know the limit.

        And Harry guessed this was the third time.

        He could’ve said no to the meeting. Jeff was there and so was Sarah and Mitch. The three of them could handle it for him. It’s not like he would mind much whatever they came up with if it had given him the time to settle things with Y/N. 

        “It was great to see you, Harry.” She brought him out from the thoughts as she unlocked the door and opened it for him, bringing her jumper sleeves over her palms to hide from the cold outside air. “Really. I – I missed you, and honestly, I’m glad we got to talk. I uh well, take care. And say hi to Sarah from me please.”

        “I – “ he took hold of Y/N’s wrist before she could turn away. “I’m holding a small concert in a week. Here in uh in New York. It’s for charity… I want you to come.”

        “I umm… I’ll have to check if I’m free, but yeah. I will. Thank you.”

        “ ‘S no problem… Sarah missed you like crazy now that you’re not in LA as often… ‘n yeah. Anyway. I’ll put your name on the guest list, so just bring some ID, and they’ll let you backstage.”

        “Okay,” she whispered and gave him a small, genuine smile. “Thank you. I’ll really try to come.”

        “Yeah.”

        And he was going to go without doing anything else. Harry truly was. But as he released her wrist, going to the stairs, he gave Y/N one last glance back, and it was like his feet had a mind of their own, as they carried him back to where she stood by the still open door, grabbed her by the waist and pressed his lips to hers. 

        He expected Y/N to push him away, but to his very huge delight, she didn’t. Instead, her fingers wove through his hair and her legs almost on instinct rose so he could take her by the thighs, wrap them around his middle and press her against the doorway. 

        The groan that Harry swallowed from Y/N only ignited the fire that’d been burning ever since he met her, but it wasn’t the destructive kind, like the ones that leave nothing but charcoal behind. It was warm. Safe. Like the light of a fairy light. Like the embrace of home.

        “Come to the show,” he muttered against Y/N’s lips, as they broke apart, and he set her down on the ground, not letting go until he was sure she was steady on her feet. “I’ll wait for you.”

        With that, he left because if he didn’t, he’d make sure Y/N would be unable to walk for a week.

        And Y/N watched him retreat while her brain fought with her heart.

        What was it he’d sung in ‘Golden’, as he’d twirled her in the sea of bodies and glitter a little bit more than a year ago? ‘Loving is the antidote?’ 

        Maybe love was the antidote to her fear.

        She closed the door.

        And smiled.

Tags (crossed out wouldn’t take):

Everything tags: @lumelgy @palaiasaurus64 @supernaturalbaesduh @breezy1415 @crazy--me @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sea040561 @staryeyedgirl @deathbyarabbit @s-c-a-r-e-d-po-t-t-e-r @reblogger-not-a-blogger @m-a-t-91 @dalilx @i-need-a-hero-i-need-a-loki @maladaptive-ninja-returns @averyrogers83 @in-the-end-im-still-trash @gallifreyansass @dewy-biitch @avxgers @unlikelygalaxygiver @magicwithaknife @ollyoxenfrees @bnhvrdy @tvwhoresblog @celebsimagines @thatkindofgurl @sj-thefan @teenwolflover28 @lestersglitterglue @im-squished

Harry Styles tags: @sarcasticallywitty15​ @breezykpop​ @girlboss99​ @harrystylesdoesntknowiexist​ @alliyjane​ @sirtommyholland​

A/N: I’ve been listening to ‘Fine Line’, ‘The Periodic Table Song’, ‘Welcome to the Christmas Parade’ (Welcome to the Black Parade mix with All I Want For Christmas) and ‘Rasputin’ Boney M remix exclusively... I feel like a complete crackhead... :D

Decided to tag also those who wanted a part 2 but didn’t necessarily ask to be tagged :)

P.S. I guess there will be a part 3???

P.S.S. if you wanna be added to a tag list drop me a message :)

[kitkatopinions]

So, let’s talk about James’s semblance, Mettle.

Ironwood's Semblance, Mettle, strengthens his resolve which allows him to carry through with his decisions, helping him hyper-focus (RWBY wiki)

Actual quotes on Ironwood’s semblance from the RTX RWBY Panel.

“So Ironwood does have a semblance. We - it’s in the show, it’s in like little bits, you can kind of see it. It’s more like a passive semblance that runs in the background.” Eddy Rivas

“The whole thing is just this kind of like, iron resolve-slash-will that like kind of powers him to - almost like a very stubbornly, narrow-set focus like mind set on things, to kind of like push himself to do what he’s decided he’s gonna do-” Eddy Rivas

“It kind of helps him like, hyper focus,” Kerry Shawcross

“Or like, pushing through something like searing the flesh off your arm. If like, this is the goal he needs to accomplish, everything else just goes by the wayside.” Miles Luna

“So that’s kind of running in the background of seven and eight a little bit.” Eddy Rivas

“So it felt a little weird and we just never put it on the page, but you can actually see it happening.” Eddy Rivas

“We could possibly get it out later, but we thought it’d be more fun for you to be able to watch volume eight, and go back and watch volume 7 knowing that.” Kerry Shawcross

So I’m going to be talking about some of the problems I think there are with Ironwood’s semblance and it not being included in the show. I’m going to be very critical of and bashing RWBY, and there’s probably going to be CRWBY bashing too. If you don’t want to see any of that or if you’re against any sort of pro Ironwood content, don’t read this post or interact.

So let’s try to piece together from these statements what Ironwood’s semblance is.

It’s a passive semblance. As far as I know, the only other passive semblance we have to judge how those work is Qrow. Unlike active semblances, Qrow’s passive semblance can’t be controlled, and can only be increased at will, but always runs at frequencies severe enough that Qrow thinks of it as controlling his life and preventing him from being able to be close to his family. From the way Qrow’s semblance behaves, we can extrapolate that James’s semblance likely works in the same way, and in the panel, it’s described as ‘running in the background.’ I.E. He can’t turn it off, it runs through his entire life, he can only increase it in certain times.

It’s described as hyper-focusing, stubbornness, narrow-set focus, being unable to concentrate or care about things outside of his set goal, and pushing himself in doing what he’s decided he has to do.

There are several reasons I want to talk about this semblance.

1. This semblance might’ve been newly invented for season 7 and 8. Why do I think this? Eddy Rivas says ‘I believe we called it Mettle’ in the panel (emphasis is mine,) and is talking like he was included in inventing it, even though he became a co-writer for volume 7. Also they don’t mention if it affected Ironwood pre-volume 7, they only mention it being seen or considering including it in volume 7 and 8. Also, the voice actor of James Ironwood didn’t know about this semblance until a fan told him. It’s possible that this semblance was written earlier, but I doubt it and I think that this semblance was invented in the conception of volumes 7 and 8 with Eddy Rivas being involved. As such, I’m going to view everything pre-volume 7 as actions we were intended to consider James’s actual character, and everything post-volume 6 as actions influenced by his semblance.

2. The fact that it’s not included is lazy. This is a character defining semblance. This colors literally everything that Ironwood does in seasons seven and eight, this is a major game changer, this changes any understanding of the character. I’ve said this before, but fans shouldn’t have to do homework to understand the story. Many fans don’t want to go searching through panels, wikis, books, and zoom meetings to try and piece together why a character might be the way they are or how the magic systems work. The fact that the semblance isn’t included has led to confusion about how the semblance works. Some RWBY fans will present the way they decided the semblance works and get actively angry at fans who headcanon that it works differently or are upset with the way the creators themselves described the semblance. Other fans act like RWBY critics who think Ironwood’s fall to villainy is hard to track are stupid for not knowing this completely unincluded detail, and other fans villainize the semblance and use it as a reason why Ironwood is an inherently bad person. On the flip side, James Ironwood fans are rightly confused at this semblance that seems like it could be an explanation for the sudden shifts in his character. Some of them don’t understand why this semblance isn’t explained and at least treated as a part of his fall and treated more sympathetically. The fact that it wasn’t explained in the show leads to fans coming up with their own conclusions, and then arguing over what version is viable or what the collective fandom should accept.

3. The semblance itself is a lazy explanation for his villainy. The creators didn’t write a convincing hero-to-villain story. Ironwood’s leaps in morality are made with very little groundwork or explanation, he goes from ‘doing what he feels needs to be done’ to threatening to bomb the remaining citizens of Mantle in a completely irrational time with laughter and smiles over the course of a season that didn’t really put the focus on that progression. The semblance wasn’t explained or even mentioned and Ironwood wasn’t treated with sympathy or understanding, because we were meant to hate him and see him as the enemy to the protagonists, who we were meant to see as completely right. But the semblance is then an easy explanation that ‘fills out the plot holes’ if CRWBY is asked, that they can use to justify the fall to villainy - or use to suddenly redeem James if they decide they want to. And as I said before, this semblance is already being used by the mega-fans to explain the fall to villainy and throw it in the faces of any critics. Once again, it feels like the writers are just coming up with whatever they can to make up for their shitty writing, while they also rely on their fans to fill in the gaps and ‘explain’ to critics exactly how they think the semblance works and act like the critics or bashers should’ve just come to the same conclusion they did.

4. The semblance is problematic because of how villainized James is specifically for things like his semblance. The semblance is literally the best possible explanation for Ironwood’s fall and the only one I’ve heard that makes any sense. But his semblance is literally described by the creators as ‘hyper-focusing.’ The fact that his semblance is treated as something that makes him more of a villain and something that aids in his destructive behavior that isn’t ever treated with an ounce of sympathy or understanding, is a really bad look. There are real-life people who hyper-fixate on things and can’t help it, and while James’s semblance might not be hyper-fixating exactly, CRWBY still hurt people with the way they talked about this semblance and how they included it in Ironwood’s fall. I’m not diagnosed and I’m therefore never sure of this, but I think I’m ADHD and hyper-fixate on things (like RWBY, lol.) I’ve never been sure exactly how I view Ironwood’s semblance, but hearing the way that the CRWBY head writers talk about it made me feel like I should keep that side of me from people who don’t know me well like my co-workers. Whether or not it was intended, that’s what CRWBY did, and there are many more people than just me who were hurt or bothered by this personally.

5. Since I’m assuming this semblance was a new addition to James in season 7 and 8, it really honestly feels disconnected. It’s a passive semblance, it’s meant to affect James during the course of his whole life because he can’t turn it off. But in volumes 2 and 3, he seems honestly receptive to Oz, listens to him, never goes too far, never seems too stubborn, never seems to ignore other problems to focus on one thing more than what’s perfectly normal for regular people. Before literally near the tail end of volume 7, Ironwood acted like a regular person unaffected by a semblance at all, who just happens to be a determined person facing hard situations. It really feels like the semblance was invented to explain the jump to villainy, and then used to explain how he did things like sear the flesh off of his arm in the Watts fight to be like ‘look, this didn’t come out of nowhere! There it is in this scene!’ which is really lazy. And the disjointed feeling between Ironwood from his first appearance and Ironwood post-shooting Oscar still takes you out of the story and makes you go ‘wait, what’s going on here?’ You shouldn’t be able to see the hand of the author, but it was very clear to me that the writers just wanted villain!Ironwood and just did whatever the hell they wanted to get there whether or not it made sense or what they had to force or forget to do it.

6. This semblance... Really makes Qrow look like a jerk. It makes everyone look like a jerk, but it especially makes Qrow look like a jerk. There’s a very, very strong probability that Qrow never had any idea about this semblance that Ironwood couldn’t control. But after spending volumes sympathizing with Qrow and feeling bad for him and understanding that a lot of his problems stemmed from his horrible lot in life that he wrongly blamed himself for, to see him ready to kill a former friend who is even more affected by and ruled by a semblance than Qrow ever was made me seriously annoyed with the writing. In my opinion, they should’ve had Qrow know about his semblance, know that it was affecting his every choice, be deeply sympathetic and bothered by the situation, and be trying to get out of jail so he could break Ironwood’s aura and jolt him out of his affected state. It would’ve been much, much better in my opinion, for Ironwood’s character, Qrow’s character, and the story as a general whole. The way that villain Ironwood was done just is not interesting to me in any way. Not only did CRWBY miss any opportunity to present a compelling hero-turned-villain story, but they also invented a reason for Ironwood to be deeply sympathetic and easily redeemed and then made no one understand that this was a problem and seem to be going out of their way to act like it’s not there at all to make Ironwood a full villain! Why give him the semblance at all if they were going to not use it and expect everyone to want him to be a full, incredibly hard to redeem, EVIL VILLAIN?

I seriously can’t understand CRWBY’s choices. In my opinion, they should’ve either made Ironwood a sympathetic hero forced into doing villainous actions by this semblance that they should’ve rephrased in terms of how it works, or they should’ve just left him with no explained semblance.

Also, I think Mettle is a stupid name.

[spnwatch]

Season 1: The Rankings

WOW it’s been ages since I’ve posted here. But before moving on to s2, I wanted to talk about my TOP TEN FAVE EPISODES. 

Something that surprised me about spn now i’ve finally watched some of it is how variable the episodes are in terms of quality. They’re not afraid to experiment either, and that flexibility is probably one reason this show lasted so long. Some things worked for me, some things didn’t. ANYWAY these are my opinions etc. just from a first time watcher!!  1.) Episode 6: SKIN. This episode, man. Where to even begin: I could be here all night. Suffice to say that the sequence where the shapeshifter sheds his Dean skin to “Hey Man Nice Shot” is just. Chef’s kiss. For the first time, the true depth of Dean’s self loathing truly came to the fore. How socially outcast he knows himself to be, all that hidden shame, that resentment he harbours towards Sam for having (potentially) a way out of the hunter life, coupled with his desperation not to lose him to the “normal world”: somewhere that Dean knows he can’t follow him. After so much posturing and bravado, that inner parodox was SO interesting to witness - he SHOOTS HIMSELF at the end -- and, for me, really steered the character into more *~ thematically complex territory ~* All the songs were good tbh. In-a-Gadda-da-Vida? Yes. 11/10 

2.) Episode 11: SCARECROW. There was just so much going on in this episode, but the thing I liked most was the setting. It looked so good!! Autumnal and pastoral. After a couple of (in my opinion) not very good-looking episodes, it was a real breath of fresh air. I also loved Sam in this episode: he looked so small standing by the side of that road. I fully understood the argument, but I also loved how dean just... called him intermittently to update him on the case?This episode really drove home to me how alone they are, how they really have no-one but each other. It also really highlighted how far Sam has drifted from episode 1: he’s on the fringes now, too. All too quickly backsliding into the role of rootless grifter, an identiy he’d tried so hard to claw his way out of. Also, there’s a tome. 10/10 

3.) Episode 12: FAITH. This. Episode. Slaps. To be honest, this is probably technically the masterpiece of the season in terms of plot, visuals, antagonist, music etc. but w/e it’s my list. Right off the bat Dean is dying and he’s like it’s fine Sammy, I’m not even mad about it, which is fucked up but then what is more fucked up is that his dad doesn’t even come when Sam leaves him a message? Dean seems to view dying as like. A thing grownups just have to do sometimes. Like jury duty. It’s extremely,extremely sad. Anyway I love the drama of Sam smashing apart the altar, I love the big tent, I love the “don’t fear the reaper” montage. It’s all, quite simply, a *~cut above~* 10/10 

4.) Episode 7: HOOK MAN. I don’t know if I was meant to love this episode so much?? I just really, really liked it. I loved the central mystery, and I thought Sam in particular really shone when it came to dealing with the townsfolk and the afflicted girl. It was one of the most thematically coherent episodes when it came to tying the monster to sublimated fear, in this instance, sex and sexuality! Damn do Americans have a weird relationship with sex. And not just with women; this episode really shone a spotlight on Sam’s sexuality wrt his guilt over Jess, his desire for normality, his coltish nervousness in Lori’s presence. There was SO. MUCH. Bonus points for ugly mid-2000s fashions. 10/10

5.) Episode 3: DEAD IN THE WATER. This was the first episode which really made me sit up and go, oh, okay. I can see why people lose their minds over this show. When it’s good, Supernatural just. Shoots a volt of pure catharsis straight into your chest. This was also the first time I really sat up and took note of Jensen Ackles’ acting chops. There’s just so much going on with him every time he’s onscreen, and each little paradoxical turn he gives to Dean’s character is a joy to witness. It was a visually beautiful episode, with a strong supporting cast. The moment I saw her in her silky lavender nightgown, twisting up her unrealistically perfect chingoin, I wished to marry Amy Acker’s character. I know she doesn’t come back to spn but she should’ve!! She should’ve!! 10/10 

6.) Episode 5: BLOODY MARY. I’ve heard tell of this episode being a bit of a fandom classic, and I support it. The last few minutes at the end? When Sam sees Jess at the side of the road in that slow panning shot, to the Rolling Stones song Laugh I Nearly Died? It was just... I think it changed me as a person, honestly. This show. It’s lower down on the list for me because how how freaking dark the lighting was at the end, but that might have just been the poor quality stream I found. But yeah, I really liked the plucky teen girl who helped them; I was pleasantly surprised to see a glamourous queen bee-type portrayed as smart and competent, and remain alive by the end. Gold star for you, spn. I know it’s all downhill from here. 9/10 

7.) Episode 15. THE BENDERS. First off, I have to give it points for the production design on that house. My brother was of the opinon it would’ve made a good video game enviroment (according to him a lot of spn is akin to a video game which... yeah). This episode also made me really acutely feel for Dean. Could it be because I’m an older sister and this was a literal nightmare scenario? Perhaps. But again what really came to the fore was the single-mindedness with which Dean acted. Sam being dead was literally not an option for him. On a lesser show that might have been left as a given, but the time was really taken to give an almost sinister intensity to Dean’s thoughts and behavior. Some really pretty car shots too. 9/10

8.) Episode 17: HELL HOUSE. What can I say about this? It’s just fun. I love the two conspiracy guys, I love the sibling prank war, I love the concept of a monster created by shared belief. The set design was cool, as was the montage at the beginning where they’re interviewing all the witnesses. It’s a briskly paced and lighthearted episode, which was a breath of fresh air and welcome break after last episode left the Winchester boys abandoned by their father. Yet. Again. Ugh. Throw the whole dad away. 9/10 

9.) Episode 19: PROVENANCE. Haunted painting! Haunted! Painting!! This is a simple lil episode but it receives points for Sam and Dean’s best and least convincing disguises thus far -- art dealers -- and a fun, sweet love interest for Sam. He’s so bashful! I thought she was smartly written and I especially liked that she took a more active role and actually helped them solve the case than other side characters we’ve seen so far. I also liked when they were standing over the grave and she was like wow, your lives are really fucked up... it’s true wtf these poor guys?? Anyway 8/10 

10.) Episode 14: NIGHTMARE. This spot was a real toss-up between this and SOMETHING WICKED, but NIGHTMARE just edged it out because of the strong supporting character Max, as well as the sheer conceptual power of psychic Sam. Something about the way Dean treats his brothers latent psychic powers as... kind of a concern, but ultimately about on a par with him developing, like, a shellfish allergy, is hilarious to me. They have so many problems, it’s just low priority! Sorry Sammy. But what really clinched this episode for me was the three second-ish sequence where Sam shoves the dresser free with his mind, Dean gets shot in his vision, and Sam bursts into the room. Brilliance. Someone call the x-men. My heart was in my mouth. BIG minus points however for the extensive heart-to-hearts. It was just too much for me. It went on for so long. 7/10 

This certainly is a show. I see that now. Anyway. Onto season 2!

[elizabeethan]

Find Strength in Pain, Find Strength in Me 2/3

After defeating the wraith, Emma Swan is dragged through the portal they sent it through and suddenly finds herself in the land in which she should have grown up. Lost, overwhelmed, and desperate to get home to her son, she accepts help from the gruesome pirate Captain Hook— and his accomplice. 

A Season 2 AU in which Emma ends up the the Enchanted Forest alone, and she and Hook (try to) work together to get to the Land Without Magic.

Hi! here is part 2! thank you to @the-darkdragonfly for being an incredible beta and to @donteattheappleshook for forcing me to write being instrumental in the creation of this fic.

Rated T (for now) (I have no idea if that’ll change) (bit fat maybe)

~4800 words

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Tagging: @courtorderedcake​ @kmomof4​ @stahlop​ @klynn-stormz​ @laschatzi​ @emelizabeth88​ @lfh1226-linda​ @kday426​ @elisethewritingbeast @timeless-love-story​ @captain-emmajones​ @gingerpolyglot​ @ebcaver​ @ilovemesomekillianjones​ @teamhook​ @superchocovian​ @itsfabianadocarmo​ @tiganasummertree​ @gingerchangeling​ @jrob64​ @onceratheart18​ @xhookswenchx​ @winterbaby89​ @swampmedusa​ @ultraluckycatnd @dancingnancyy​ @love-with-you-i-have-everything​  @shireness-says​ @snowbellewells​ @hollyethecurious​ @ouatpost​ @daxx04​​ @the-darkdragonfly​ @donteattheappleshook​ @therooksshiningknight @eeteeaytay​​

Despite her circumstances, Emma does not feel like a prisoner of fearsome pirate Captain Hook. In fact, she’s been made to feel quite comfortable in his quarters, and after he was sure that their interests aligned and that they were useful to one another, he told her she could have free reign of the ship to do as she pleased until they made landfall. 

 “No one on this vessel will harm you, love,” he assured her when she became bored of exploring his quarters, and she believed him immediately. 

 Maybe she was bothering him as he peered over his logs and maps and she tinkered with the exotic items he’s collected— perhaps that’s why he encouraged her to explore. Either way, she didn’t have to be told twice, and found out that the men aboard were surprisingly pleasant as well. Mr. Smee was a shy and timid man, but friendly and caring all the same. The rest of the crew wore snarls when they looked at her, but broke down easily the moment she began casual conversation with them. 

 Maybe it’s because they know how instrumental she is in their Captain getting his revenge. 

 As she leans against the rail of the upper deck after a day of learning about ships and pirating, she watches as the sun sets behind them, painting the sky an intoxicating shade of pink that fades into purple and black. Hook is at the wheel, navigating through the ocean that almost claimed her, and despite her situation, she feels safe. If she had to be dragged from the sea and rescued by pirates, she supposes she lucked out with the Jolly Roger.

“Quite a sight, isn’t it, love?” he asks her, and she turns to face him so she can respond. 

 “It’s beautiful.” 

 “Never been aboard a ship before, I take it?” he calls from the wheel, giving her a smirk at the look of wonderment on her face. 

 “Nope, never had much of a need to,” she responds as casually as she can.  

 “Or an opportunity?” 

 She laughs, a bit awkwardly, and says, “I guess not. It’s not something I've really thought about.”

 “I see,” he concedes when she gets closer to him, leaning against the rail just across from the wheel he commands. “So, tell me about your boy.” 

 She sighs wistfully and looks up to the sky, wondering what he could be up to, what he’s thinking, if he’s worried about her. “His name is Henry. He’s almost eleven, but he acts like he’s 32. Super smart, very passionate about the things and people he cares about.” 

 “Sounds like you,” he chuckles.

 “How would you know?” she asks with incredulity. 

 “You're an open book. And you did hold a knife to my throat yesterday. I can only attribute that to your passion and assume that you want to get home quite badly.” 

 “Of course I do,” she rolls her eyes, stepping closer to him until she’s leaning against the helm and glaring at him. “I’m his mother,” she insists. 

 He nods and says, “of course. But I sense that there’s more to the story.”

 Caught off guard, she answers, “well, just… he’s been through a lot. Especially in the past year.”

 “I see. And you don’t wish to contribute to his turmoil.” She shrugs, looking away from his gaze. “You don’t wish to contribute... further?”

 Her breathing falters at his accuracy and she says, “let’s just say I wasn’t always there for him in the way I should’ve been. He deserves better and I need to get home to make sure I can give him that.” 

 He nods thoughtfully, pursing his lips and looking ahead towards the horizon again, as if anything before them has changed in the last day and a half. “I understand, love.” It’s as if he shakes himself out of a trance when he says, “try your hand at the wheel?” 

 She raises her brows and gives him a disbelieving look. “After I just told you I’ve never even been on a ship?”

 “It’s not difficult to learn,” he tells her as he lifts his hand towards her, gently guiding her behind the wheel. “Besides, the Jolly is enchanted. You can’t hurt her.” 

 She snorts softly, shaking her head as he leads her and places her hand upon a handle, letting his fingers linger on the top of her hand for a moment too long. “How do you manage to get your ship enchanted?” she asks amorously once his fingers leave her skin, taking with them a feeling of gentle warmth.  

 “You know the right enchantress,” he flirts back, his mouth just a bit too close to her ear. She can almost feel his voice rumbling through his chest as it presses to her back, keeping her warm against the whipping winds of the sea. “There,” he says softly. “You're sailing.” 

 She laughs lightly, unaware of how exciting she actually found this until he put it to words. Seriously, she’s captaining a pirate ship! Henry is gonna be so excited when she tells him this story. “I guess I am,” she says happily. 

 “I think she likes you,” he says in a way that she knows isn’t a joke, despite how ridiculous it sounds.

 “Why, because she isn’t sinking?” 

 “Aye, she doesn’t always take kindly to strangers.”

 “And you let me do this?!”

 He laughs, but doesn’t respond with words, as if he knows he’s been caught. “I had a feeling.”

 They’re quiet for a moment, and while he’d dropped her hand and is letting her steer on her own, she notes that he doesn't back up and keeps her back pressed gently to him. “We’re going to get you home to him, love,” he murmurs into her ear, so softly that she can barely hear him over the sound of the wind. “I know-- well, I would wager that you have some experience with abandonment and… Well, I’m not going to let your boy go through that.” 

 She draws her brows together in thought, considering how perceptive he is, how well he seems to know her after such a short time. She turns around to face him, seeing just how close he truly is to her, and cocks her head. He reaches behind her to take control of the wheel, bringing himself even closer. “How do you know?” she asks. 

 His smile is small, sad. “I’m no stranger to a lost soul.” 

 “Are you accusing me of being a lost soul?” she asks in a tone as soft as his own. 

 “Perhaps I'm simply trying to tell you that I understand.” 

 With a hum, she says, “what are you saying, Captain? Are we kindred spirits?” 

 He cracks a brilliant smile, his eyes crinkling and glimmering in the moonlight, shining like the stars above them. “Aye, I suppose we are.”

 She’s so calm with him. It feels wrong to let herself relax into his hold, to let herself enjoy the feeling of his chest vibrating against hers as he speaks. She should be focusing on getting home, on getting to Henry and protecting him from Regina. Not fantasizing about a pirate she thought was fictional. 

 But then he leans closer to her, his hook on the wheel and his hand reaching up to cup her cheek, and she doesn't even try to stop herself from pressing onto her toes and capturing his lips in a slow yet chaste kiss. He doesn’t hesitate to kiss her back, and she feels warmth flitting through her and settling in the deepest depths of her center until he’s tangling his fingers in her hair and getting his rings caught in the strands.

 She breathes out a soft giggle at the sharp tug, pulling from him and attempting to detangle herself from him. “Apologies, my darling,” he practically purrs against her mouth. 

 “It’s okay,” she whispers, planting her forehead against his and trying to catch her breath. They had only kissed for a second, but their close proximity and the raw, ardent nature of his observations weigh heavily between them and she feels something. 

 He kisses her lips again, one, twice, three times, before saying, “time for dinner.” 

 She groans and rolls her eyes. “Not more of that tack shit is it?” 

 He laughs heartily and says, “tonight you’ll get some more jerked meat, darling. Perhaps some rum to chase it down.” 

 “I’d love some rum.” 

 With a smirk, he steps back slightly and reaches his hand into his coat, taking out a flask and passing it to her, but not before removing the cork with his teeth and popping it onto the ground. She takes it happily from him, smirking back and stuffing the feeling of warmth that traces through her as deeply as she can. 

 ~~~~

 The ship is enchanted in several ways, she realizes. Hook told her that it’s impossible to damage her, but she’s discovered other quirks as well. For one, it’s never cold. Not only is his cabin toasty warm, as if it’s well insulated, but  the rest of the ship is comfortable as well. For another, although it rained last night and the deck should have been slick, it was completely dry. And now, music is playing, and she can’t for the life of her find the source. 

 The wind is whipping but the lanterns stay lit, maybe another side effect of the enchantment, and the crew lounges happily on the deck, enjoying their rum and their opportunity to relax. Hook leans against the ladder that leads to the helm, and she can’t help but stare through her lashes at his confident posture as he laughs at the crewmen dancing wildly. 

 They shout boisterously as a slower, more romantic song replaces the shanties, laughing and hollering at their Captain until he stands and holds up his hands in defeat, shaking his head and smiling. She isn’t sure what they’re all talking about, but she’s excited to see him do what he seems so adamant to avoid. 

 That is, until he comes up to her and holds out his hand, offering her a small, shy smile in replacement of the smirk she was expecting. “Dance with me, Swan?” 

 “Dance with you?” she asks in outrage. “I can’t dance!” 

 “Aye, another thing you haven’t had the opportunity to learn, I’m sure, but I happen to be a brilliant teacher.” 

 “You’re ridiculous,” she accuses, although she can’t deny the grin splitting her face that matches his. “Are you saying you know how to dance to this?”

 He takes her hand with a salacious smirk and practically drags her to the middle of the deck, placing his own on her hip. “It’s called a waltz,” he tells her, “and there’s only one rule.” She feels a heat radiating off of herself that’s different from anything she’s felt before, as if a light is glowing from her skin and hair as he spins her. “Pick a partner who knows what they’re doing.” 

 She’s breathless, and every fear and worry she's had since she went through that damn portal has evaporated out of her pores and into the salty sea air. He holds her closer, likely forgoing the proper form they were practicing, and she melts into him. 

 “You’re glowing, darling,” he murmurs, his lips grazing against her ear lobe in a way that makes her shiver. She looks down at her hands and sees the soft golden glow he must be referring to and gasps, noting it fading. “Relax, love, it’s very fitting. I’m assuming this hasn’t ever happened in the Land Without Magic.”

 “No,” she says thoughtfully. “It wouldn’t have worked anyway until after—” She cuts herself off, careful not to reveal the truth; that Gold brought magic back to Storybrooke after the curse broke. Then she stops to think… is this magic?

 “After what?” he interrupts her thoughts.

 She clears her throat. “Uh, after I broke the curse.” 

 “The one the Queen cast? You broke it?” he asks, suddenly serious rather than warm and flirtatious. She wonders how he would’ve known about that, but figures he must’ve been a child when it was originally cast; maybe he remembers. 

 “Yeah.” She feels guilty lying to him. Maybe she shouldn’t. Maybe she should just continue to savor the feeling of his hand running along her back as he pulls her closer. As much as she’s been enjoying their time together, she reminds herself that she needs him to get home, and she’ll need to do whatever it takes for their plan to take fruition. 

 ~~~~

 The next afternoon, Emma lounges in the Captain’s bed and reads one of the many diaries recounting his adventures. After they danced the night away, they came back to his room and she expressed interest in hearing about his journeys between kisses and soft touches. He stood and retrieved a leather bound book, handing it to her and telling her that she’s always welcome to his stories, and that he’ll happily tell her whatever she wants to know. She read until she fell asleep, with him sleeping soundly on the floor beside her, protectively positioned between her and the door.

 She knows she’s behaving ridiculously. She can’t possibly let whatever is going on between them continue once they make landfall. But it isn’t like she can accomplish anything while they’re out at sea, so she lets herself indulge in his soft lips and deep eyes and profound declarations in the meantime, making a promise to herself to let him go once they land. 

 She hears a commotion above deck and starts a bit, putting the book down on the bed and standing. Can pirates be attacked by other pirates? Certainly that’s a thing. She straightens the black linen shirt as she stands, the one Hook let her borrow while her clothes are being washed, tucking it more neatly into her jeans, and makes her way towards the door, pressing her ear to the wood and listening closely for trouble. She hears rustling and shouting, and her heart begins to race. It pounds harder in her chest when she hears a distinct set of footsteps making its way towards the door she’s pressed to. 

 When she hears the footsteps grow too close for comfort, she turns and presses her back to the door in hopes of blocking out an intruder. They try to push it open and grunt in surprise when it only moves a bit, and she plants her feet more firmly into the floor. Her panic subsides, though, when she hears a cocky chuckle. “Swan?” he calls through the door. “Are you playing hard to get?” 

 She breathes a sigh of relief when she hears his voice, moving from the door and carefully opening it just a crack to peek her head out. “What’s going on?” 

 He smirks, of course, and says, “We’re docking, love. What's the matter?” 

 “I thought… I dont know, I thought something was wrong.” 

 He shakes his head and squeezes by her to enter the room, shutting the door behind him and touching her arm gently. “Nothing’s wrong, darling. All is going to plan.” She doesn't miss the way his eyes trail down her body, slowly and obviously taking in the sight of her.

 “Stop looking at me like that,” she insists, pulling the shirt closed some more and hugging her body with her arms. 

 “I’m simply admiring the way my shirt fits you, Swan,” he smirks. “You wear it much better than I do.” 

 “Whatever,” she rolls her eyes. “What’s the plan?” 

 He chuckles and moves towards the table, stopping to pick up the book she was reading and putting it away. “The crew is docking us now, and then we’ll go to find the compass and then meet up with our colleague. Shouldn't be long before you're home.” 

 She nods, taking a calming breath at the anticipation of finally getting home. He’s told her the plan: they need to find a compass from a giant’s lair, but to do that, they first need to climb a beanstalk. She isn't sure what that will entail, and she isn't really excited to find out, but she’ll do what she has to to get back to her son. 

 Her shirt hasn’t dried yet. Hook packs it in his satchel so that she doesn’t leave it behind, but now she’s stuck wearing his flowy blouse with her jacket over top of it. He keeps checking her out, and she isn't sure how she feels about it. She ignores the blush and the heat that floods through her. 

 The port they landed at is fairly run down and not very heavily populated, which she thinks is a good thing-- she would stick out like a sore thumb in her jeans and leather jacket, but she sure as hell isn't hiking through a forest in one of those damn dresses. 

 They trek for hours, Hook filling the time with more stories that leave her with a sense of wanderlust. She grew up an orphan, traveling from foster home to foster home, and she always longed for a place to settle down. She’s never found herself wishing to travel the world, because she never had a home to come back to, but hearing his stories change things for her. 

 He’s an incredible storyteller. Sometimes it’s clear that he embellishes some events to make them more dramatic, but everything he tells her is the truth despite the fact that it sounds so unbelievable. It seems he’s spent years pillaging and plundering, and while she certainly can't condone all of his actions, it also seems like he’s spent much of his time enjoying the different realms he’s explored. He tells her so many stories that she isn't sure how he could fit all of these adventures into one lifetime. 

 “Can I ask you something?” she finally asks when she can make sense of his life no longer. 

 “Perhaps,” he smirks. 

 She carries on despite his playfulness. “How old are you?” 

 “Physically? Or literally?” 

 She snorts, bumping her shoulder against his at his joke, but falters when she realizes he isn't joking. She stares up at him, pausing her steps for a moment, and says, “uh, literally? I guess?” 

 “Around 250.” 

 “What?” she chokes. 

 He hums. “Aye, I’ve recently counted and I believe I’ve been on this plane for about 250 years.” 

 She’s speechless, blinking at him but unable to make her voice work. Shaking her head, she asks, “how?” 

 “Well, after my run in with the Dark One, I spent some time in Neverland. You see, the Dark One is immortal, so I needed to stay alive long enough to find a way to get my revenge. Once I found it, I came back for a few years, and then the most recent curse essentially paused time, so I didn't age again. So, I estimate around 250 years.”

 With her mouth still agape, she says, “I thought you were, like… 30.” 

 “Why thank you,” he smirks. “Physically, I’m around 36, I believe, so I’ll take that as a compliment.” 

 “So when the curse was cast, you were… the same age you are now?”

 “Is that not how it worked in the Land Without Magic? I was under the impression that time would stand still.” 

 She narrows her eyes, wondering how he heard such details about the curse, and managed to avoid it, but chalking it up to his piracy. “No, that’s how it worked.” 

 “And how old are you, then?” 

 “28,” she says without thinking, though perhaps she should have kept that a secret if she doesn’t want him to know that she’s the Savior. She can see the gears in his head turning, although he says nothing else and seeks no further clarification. 

 They spend the remainder of the trip talking about Neverland, which is apparently much different from how Barrie described. He tells her of the Lost Boys and how terrifying they were, even to a fearsome and relentless crew of pirates. While they walk, they encounter some branches in the path and he cuts them down, and she notices a tattoo on his inner forearm that catches her attention. 

 “Who’s Milah?” she asks, her voice just loud enough to be heard over the sounds of the forest. 

 He stills but doesnt turn back towards her when he asks, “pardon?” 

 “Milah, on the tattoo?” 

 His shoulders fall and he clears his throat. “Someone from long ago.” 

 “Where is she?” 

 “She’s gone.” His tone is dismissive. Pained. 

 She thinks of the first day, once she was awake, when she explored his cabin in secret before she trusted him and found a sketch of a stunning woman with thick, curly hair and soft, kind eyes. “Gold,” she says as the pieces fall into place, and he turns to face her. “Rumplestiltskin. He took more than your hand from you, didn’t he?” she asks softly. “That’s why you want to kill him.” 

 She hasn’t seen him look this broken in the few days she’s known him. The timeline starts to put itself together in her mind and she realizes he’s spent almost 220 years lying in wait to avenge this woman’s death. “You're quite perceptive,” he finally says. 

 The guilt is eating away at her again. How can she go on with him, convinced he has a chance to kill the Dark One, when she knows how hurt he is? What kind of a person is she becoming? 

 One who will do anything for her son, she reminds herself. 

 They’re silent for the rest of the trek. 

 ~~~~

 She nearly slipped off the damn beanstalk. She wasn’t listening to him, his cocky attitude back in full force and irritating the hell out of her, so she grabbed a loose branch and it snapped. She plummeted, thought for certain she was going to die, until it stopped suddenly and he had his hook in the collar of her jacket. 

 “You should listen to your Captain,” he tells her, and she rolls her eyes, but internally she knows he’s right. He pulls her up close to him, pressing her front against the beanstalk and his body to her back. “Alright?” he asks, his lips brushing her ear.

 “I’m fine,” she responds, and she takes a shaky breath. 

 “Almost to the top, love,” he assures her, breaking away once she feels her shakiness subsiding. “Try that one,” he suggests, gesturing for a different handhold.

 When they reach the top, he pulls out his flask and she scoffs at his need for a drink, but then realizes she could use some herself. Only he isn’t using it for a drink, he’s taking her hand in his and saying, “let me help.” 

 “What are you--” she starts, and then he’s pouring the rum over a cut on her hand and she’s shouting at the sting. “What the hell!”

 “A bloody waste, I know. But I'll not have you losing a hand to infection.” 

 “Hook,” she starts, but he cuts her off. 

 “Haven't you learned to listen to your Captain, love?”

 She gives him an incredulous look, but when he raises his brows in quick succession, she can't help but to grin at him and roll her eyes. She’s about to say something snarky and brush him off, but then he’s wrapping her cut hand in a scarf and biting down on it so he can tighten it one-handed, not breaking eye contact with her. “Fuck,” she breathes at the sight, and then blushes fiercely. 

 He smirks and chuckles deeply, leaning in close to her and stealing a quick kiss before he places his hook on the small of her back and leads her to the castle's entrance. 

 “The last of the giants died ages ago, so we should be safe, save for any other intruders. All we have to do is find the compass and we’re homeward bound.”

 She finds it difficult to admit to herself how much fun she has as they dig through the treasure room, searching for the compass and joking around with each other as they do. Hook pilfers a few pieces of gold, but she can’t exactly blame him; he is a pirate, after all. He finds a small broach, a golden rose, and presents it to her with flair and grandeur, bowing deeply as he holds it out to her and kissing her hand when she accepts it. “You're ridiculous,” she accuses through a laugh. 

 They finally find the compass after what feels like hours, but the time passes painlessly. He helps her up onto the platform it sits on, humming amorously when her ass comes into his view, and she kicks his shoulder lightly with a laugh. 

 It’s as they’re wandering through the castle, slowly making their way back towards the beanstalk, when he says, “I must say, Swan, I’m looking forward to seeing where you spent the last 28 years,” and she feels that guilt bubbling up again. He isn’t excited to get to Storybrooke to kill Gold, he’s looking forward to seeing where she’s from. It makes her think of why he agreed to help her in the first place. It makes her think of his lost love, of Milah, and she feels as if she’s taking away his chance of avenging her. 

 “Hook,” she says hesitantly before they leave the treasure room. “There's something you need to know.” 

 “What’s that, love?” he asks gently, as if she can do no wrong, and the guilt is flooding her now. 

 She swallows thickly and takes a breath before admitting, “I know that you want to come with me to Storybrooke to kill Gold because you think there's no magic there, but… that isn't true.” 

 He stills, turning to face her fully and drawing his brows close together pensively, angrily. “There’s magic? In the Land Without Magic?” 

 She nods nervously. “After the curse broke, he brought magic back.”

 He scoffs, shaking his head and turning to pace in agitation. “Damn you, Regina,” he says under his breath. “And you knew, all this time?” 

 Her ears practically perk up, her heart starting to race again. “Did you say Regina?” 

 “Aye,” he practically spits. “The witch who said there would be no magic. Bloody charlatan.” 

 “What do you mean?” she asks, horrified to hear him talking about someone he shouldn't even know. 

 “I mean I was promised a land without magic in which to slay the bloody crocodile, and here you are telling me that isn’t the case. How am I meant to get my revenge now? Cora should've seen this coming. She bloody well knows her better than most.” 

 “Who the hell is Cora?” she asks firmly, backing away from him. “I thought that was the daughter of the lady you're working with?” 

 He runs his hand along his face and shakes his head. “I said Cora is the woman we’re working with. She’s looking for her daughter in your Storybrooke. Regina.” 

 She feels her face going white, her blood running cold and her eyes bugging out of her head. “Cora is… Regina’s mother? You know Regina?” 

 “Aye, bloody fraud has already betrayed me once,” he huffs, obviously still irritated. “I’m sorry, love, I don't mean to take out my frustrations on you, I just-- what are you doing?” 

 He notices her take the small dagger from the sheath he gave her earlier, pointing it at him and she holds the compass firmly in her other hand. “Don’t come any closer.” 

 “Swan? What are you doing?” She reaches behind her to tuck the compass in her back pocket; her sheriff’s pistol may have been damaged beyond repair by the ocean waves, but the cuffs are still fully functional. She takes in her surroundings quickly and then rushes to him, locking his wrist to the cage beside him without thinking her actions through and backing away. “What are you doing?!”

 “Hook, I…” she sighs. “I can’t--” 

 “Emma, look at me,” he insists. “Have I told you a lie?” 

 “You didn't tell me the truth; you’re working with Regina’s mother!”

 “How was I to know that was a problem for you?! I told you who we’re working with.”

 “Not really! Regina is dangerous, she wants to take Henry away from me! Do you know how bad it would be if her mother was there to help her?!” 

 “I will help you, Emma. You won't have to go through this alone; you won't abandon Henry like you were abandoned. Let me go and we can figure this out.” 

 “If Regina wanted me dead, Cora probably does too.” 

 “Wanted you dead?” he murmurs in thought. He cocks his head, confused, and ponders her claim. “Who are you?” 

 She shakes her head. “I can’t take the chance that I’m wrong about you.” 

 “Swan,” he calls after her as she turns around. “Swan!” She feels her eyes burning as she goes towards the beanstalk, but doesn’t allow the tears to fall.

~~~~

~~~~

[doctorreids]

folklore - spencer reid x reader

CHAPTER FOUR - exile 

previous chapter | next chapter 

word count: 2.3k

a/n: so i thoroughly enjoyed writing this chapter so i hope you all enjoy! i’m the slightest bit worried that spencer is ooc but i’ll let myself lose sleep over that at some point. the donny hathaway song i’m referring to is this one - one of my favourite songs ever, so so so beautiful. reblogs, likes and comments are, as always very much appreciated - thank you for all the love so far x

“i can see you standin’ honey, with his arms around your body, laughin’ but the jokes not funny at all.”

It had been 3 months, 2 weeks, 3 days. He wishes he could recall the exact time but, for once in his life, he can’t.

There was life before Y/N and there was life with her, he never imagined that there would be a life without her; because if this is life…

The curse of having an eidetic memory is recalling every word, every glance, every silence, and every mistake. They filled his head every day, cacophonous and relentless.

He knows that 50% of couples break up then reconcile, he knows that this is more typical for unmarried couples to do. Yet, statistics do nothing to calm his frustration at himself. Statistics don’t tell him what he can do to fix what is broken.

There’s so much that he misses; her jumping at any chance to be with him, accompanying him to foreign film festivals, conventions, and anything he showed the slightest interest in. She would do anything for him, long before he ever called her his.

He’s still processing the depth of his loss. He had convinced himself for the first month that he could carry on and ignore the chilling cold of his bed at night or the loneliness of the subway journey home. By the second month, he could hardly look at himself. Now, three months on, the pain is so visceral, so real, that he cannot escape the crushing silence that surrounds him. No more quiet conversations on the jet, or laughter in the bullpen.

He wonders if her apartment feels just as empty as his.

He can’t help but let his mind wander to the conversation he overheard between Emily and Y/N in the bullpen - something about setting her up with a guy she knew from outside of work. He tried hard not to read into how reluctant she was accepting Emily’s offer or how defensive she looked when he went back to his desk.

What did he miss? Were there signs? Or did he, like he always did ignore the cracks as soon as they started to appear?

He didn’t want to think about someone else holding her, making her laugh, or being the reason for her smile.

It was dark outside, leaves littering the street, the rain pattering on his window. The sound of the occasional car passing by was the only sound that filled his apartment. Autumn was always his favourite season, it reminded him of change and growth, and when he first met her. It was cool that day, she was wrapped up in a royal blue knitted scarf and a soft brown worn coat - he swore to himself that he’d never seen anyone as beautiful before in his life.

He could barely focus on anything nowadays, from paperwork to books, everything was too difficult to confront. Sure, he’d been attending meetings, discussing his urges to numb himself from the world again. The beginning of his battle with addiction came before she did, it haunted him.

If he was being honest with himself, his addiction was the only thing he had fully confided in her.  She gave him all the understanding that, at times, his own chosen family didn’t give him. He didn’t resent them for it but it was frustrating.

He knew he immersed himself in work too often, the sea of paperwork and cases kept his head above the water that threatened to drown him. After all his years working for the BAU, he still didn’t know how to properly talk about what they witnessed. He tried to chalk it up to facts and probabilities, that evil exists in the world and all he can do is use what he knows to prevent it from happening again. But he couldn’t stop it from happening in the first place.

Despite how much responsibility he placed on his shoulders with his work, he questioned whether or not his career was what he really wanted. He’d promised he would find a cure for schizophrenia by the time he was thirty. Yet, here he is - alone, many a Ph.D. to his name but no overwhelming achievement.

He knew his first mistake was not telling her about how he was feeling. But he was angry, he didn’t know how to verbalise what was overwhelming him. Frustrated and choked up, he pushed her away. He kept telling himself that he felt suffocated, he was anxious that he would lose her to his job and he couldn’t prevent that. There was so much in his life that he couldn’t control.

His mother wasn’t improving, getting worse day by day, and all he could do was stand by and watch. He could write as many letters, call every day, and visit as often as he could but he couldn’t fix it. He couldn’t change what was happening.

He was surrounded by people he considered to be his family yet he felt alone. All the time. So, he pulled up his guard, plastered a smile on his face, and carried on. She would always go before him in his life, nothing could change that.

Work had been…tense. He knew from the start that the girls would be protective of her and he didn’t blame them - he knew that very next day when she didn’t reply to his texts or calls or when JJ told him to ‘give her space. His only other option was Derek and his advice wasn’t, at times, what he wanted to hear.

Derek told him to fix it actively but he wasn’t even sure what he was trying to fix. Himself or their relationship? Some big romantic gesture would win her back, he was told, but he knew she hated those. He tried bringing her favourite flowers, roses, but he would freeze up every time he got to her front door. By now, it wasn’t the season for roses and he was running out of options.

JJ, Emily, and Garcia never treated him any differently, he just felt exiled from their bullpen meet-ups. From the start, all he wanted was JJ’s advice. That night they all went out, he sat in her house with Henry, listening to him babble on about Aunt Y/N and Uncle Spencer.

He won’t ever forget the sad look JJ gave him when he left, underlying anger and bitterness in her voice when she bid him goodnight.

He can’t help but think that he had irreparably messed up.

“all this time, we always walked a very thin line.”

They always said that working together was more of a blessing than a curse, they were never without the other. They could read each other like the back of each other’s hand. Until one day, they couldn’t.

He wasn’t sure what switch flipped in his mind but his ability to be vulnerable with her and to open up completely was turned off. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t find the words to express what was going on in his mind.

Then again, neither could she. That connection between them was lost, there was this impenetrable distance between them now.

He couldn’t get comfortable in his chair, his glass of whiskey sitting beside his growing stack of books. He kept trying to find room for them but he just couldn’t bring himself to put them away - it reminded him of her apartment; books scattered on different tables, never on the shelf. It was the only trace of her left in his apartment.

His pillow no longer smelt of her, sweet and fresh. Her toothbrush was no longer sitting by his sink nor her shampoo in his shower. He’d taken down the photos, they were too painful to look at almost every day. Yet, he still kept that scarf she had left at his apartment after one of their dates, the royal blue one. Her perfume was fading on that too.

“you’re not my homeland anymore, so what am i defending?”

She had been quiet the entire car journey home, exhaustion clearly written on her face. Her brow was furrowed in thought.

“Penny for your thoughts?” He asked softly.

A slight smile flickered across her face for a split second. It went as quickly as it came, she was angry.

“I just want to get us home in one piece, Spence,” she snapped, “can you let me do that?”

“Sure.”

She wasn’t just angry, she was pissed.

By the time they got back to his apartment, she was tired, cold, and frustrated with him. He was equally as tired but grateful to be with her, alive and well. His run-in with the unsub resulted in an overnight stay in the hospital and minor surgery. Well, he thought it was minor. She clearly didn’t.

She didn’t stop for tea the way they normally would nor did she bother to leave the light on for him in the bathroom. She just crawled into bed without a word spoken to him since they’d gotten back to his apartment. In all honesty, he thought she was just going to drop him off then go back to her own home. He was surprised that she didn’t.

Lifting the covers, he slid into bed as silently as he could as not to wake her.

“What you did was really stupid, you know that?”

She was awake. He should’ve guessed.

‘I know.”

She sighed, turning to face him, “Spencer, I know our jobs don’t exactly meet safety regulations but you can’t play the hero all the time. I had to tell myself a long time ago, that you can’t save everyone. I know you, Spence. You’re a good man, brave and you have more courage in you than literally every other man that I’ve ever met and I love you for it. But you can’t keep doing this to me, to us.”

“Doing what?”

“Scaring us all half to death. You don’t remember me holding your hand while we waited for the medics. You don’t remember Morgan telling me that you’d pull through. You didn’t get to see everyone’s faces in the waiting room. But I remember it all, I don’t think I’ll forget it.”

He was stunned into silence.

“I could only think of the worst. How was I going to be able to tell your mother? How was I supposed to carry on knowing,” her voice broke and his heart shattered, “that I would never get to hold you again, or hear one of your many facts, or be able to explain how much you mean to me.”

“But, you didn’t have to-“ he started.

“I know. You’re alive and I’m so grateful. But if you ever pull a stunt like that ever again…”

His smile was sad, “I won’t ever leave you. You’re my home. I’d do anything to keep you safe.”

“And you’re mine too.”

“i think i’ve seen this film before and i didn’t like the ending.”

The memory echoed in his mind. He thinks about what could have been, the family he pictured them having. He knew, even though it was unsaid, she wanted a little girl. He couldn’t lie and say that he wouldn’t want to see a miniature Y/N running around. He always wanted his own kids ever since Henry was born and something inside him changed when he saw you holding Henry for the first time.

He saw his future before him.

Or so he thought. His dream disappeared when he heard his front door slam that night. He would give anything to take that night back. Take back the things that were said, the things left unsaid, and go after her.

By now, he thought he was too late. He witnessed the most perfect, the most precious thing he had in his life play out like a Shakespearian tragedy on the big screen. His heartache played like a movie he had seen far too many times before.

Maybe they were doomed from the start, their ending determined by fate. Something he only ever believed in with her.

“You can’t save everyone.” He couldn’t even save himself. He thought he was kidding himself when he thought he could ever win her back, too much time had passed, too much distance.

There were oceans between them, and for too long he was too scared to start to cross the vast space.

He stared at his now empty whiskey glass and out onto the street - the rain was heavier now. He had no idea what time it was, it was late. He wonders if she’s still up. If she’s sitting in that chair by her window, like he is, thinking about him.

His whole body aches for her touch. He aches to tell her everything, to apologise and to tell her all the small little things that have happened since they last spoke. Like how that mug she used to always drink out of shattered when he was putting it back in the cupboard and how he cried because he couldn’t glue it back together. Or how he searched and searched for a new one but he couldn’t find it so he decided to not buy a new one, it couldn’t be replaced.

He would tell her that he listens to that Donny Hathaway song she used to always play in the car late at night. He’d like to think that she would be proud that he knows all the words - that he doesn’t just listen to Beethoven. Morgan told him to play a song over a boombox outside her window. He didn’t get the reference but he knew he would play that song.

He opened his wardrobe to pull out his pyjamas when it caught his eye. The scarf, a shimmer of glitter caught in the moonlight.

He knew what he had to do.

Grabbing his coat, keys, and the scarf, he opened his door and walked out into the night.

[markantonys]

What bothers you the most about the Medici (the series)?

HMMMM there’s no one big thing i can think of off the top of my head, so i’ll list a few little things that are more just pet peeves than actually anger-inducing lmao

inconsistency/lack of connection between seasons 2 and 3. given that they’re two halves of one story about lorenzo, i’d expected them to feel much more cohesive as a whole than they do. some things that were major parts of s2 (bianca, guglielmo, and their relationship, lorenzo and francesco’s relationship, basically everything pazzi-related) were completely ignored in s3, and some things that were major parts of s3 should have been set up in s2 but instead came out of the blue (giuliano and fioretta’s relationship, giovanni’s birth & him and piero growing up)

going off this, giuliano’s whole characterization and arc, as well as his relationship with simonetta and simonetta’s total lack of personality. i’ve spilled a lot of ink on all these things in the past so i won’t get into it yet again here haha

arranged marriages too heavily romanticized/idealized rather than being treated with the nuance i’d expect from a series based on real historical figures (mostly a problem with lorenzo/clarice in s2, they in s3 and cosimo/contessina in s1 are much more nuanced). don’t get me wrong, i’m all for period dramas that are 5% accurate 95% sexy and i’m not someone who gets fussed by historical inaccuracy in fictional adaptions of real history, but a little complexity is all i ask

lack of nuance in the medici-pazzi conflict in s2. i get that this season is supposed to be the happy naive idealism days before the fall, but goddamn would it have killed them to try harder than “lorenzo has always been good and kind to the pazzi but jacopo hates him for no concrete reason and dedicates his entire life to destroying him”? irl lorenzo did do the pazzi some concrete wrongs, so they should’ve included some of those. also when jacopo’s like “i don’t understand why the medici always throw money at the poor” it makes me insane because one of the specific things we know about historical jacopo is that he was known for being very charitable to the poor! again, i’m fine with foregoing historical accuracy for the sake of the story but not when it means turning a potentially complex character into a 2d villain (granted i think they did sacrifice jacopo’s complexity in favor of making francesco the complex antagonist, the darth vader to jacopo’s palpatine if you will, so i can forgive it a little)

lack of nuance with riario in s3 as well, he was evil just for the sake of it and didn’t have any motives besides unexplained all-consuming hatred of the medici

edit: HOW COULD I FORGET lorenzo got off way too easy at the end of s3 and his deathbed redemption didn’t feel at all earned to me, plus i hate bernardi being used as the scapegoat for lorenzo’s crimes (and i hate bernardi’s existence in general and think his screentime should’ve been given to the medici kids and/or bianca, but i’ve talked A Lot about that before lmao)

ok this looks like a lot haha but almost all of them boil down to “lack of nuance in various things that should’ve been written with more complexity”

[fancyemowolfbat]

Thoughts on Castlevania S3: Taka and Sumi’s abuse of Adrian

Season three spoilers below: and yes, this is plot heavy. So if you haven’t seen yet, read at your own risk.

But the TL;DR: I love Castlevania and this scene only made me love it more.

To start: This is entirely an opinion post. I don’t have enough energy to make it into a full analysis with resources and other things. So don’t take this as an essay with some deep meaning. This is entirely just an impressions post.

I love this scene. I love the writing and the visuals. And I love that it was handled in a very real manner. And I love that it represented abuse correctly, because make no mistake-- this scene was abuse--at the very least, and rape at worst. But I’m not saying that for the reasons others have given. But I’m going to get back to that in a moment.

I’m going to leave out the controversy that’s been spat about this scene, because honestly, I don’t feel like talking about it. Like I said, I’m tired. And I’m not gonna harass someone else over their opinions just because they’re different than mine. If you didn’t like this, that’s totally fine. Please don’t ask me to debate, I’m not interested in . I’m simply enjoying this show in my own little corner, and am sharing my own opinions and observations for those who might be curious.

1.) Adrian is confirmed canonically (as far as the Netflix series goes) Bisexual.

While the events that follow the scene absolutely make this scene abuse and manipulation, at the start, Adrian does consent to the sex initially (INITIALLY, I’m not forgetting what happens after). He willingly makes out with both Sumi and Taka, and he’s very obviously anally penetrated when Taka puts Adrian’s legs over his shoulders. It’s not subtle. This is probably the smallest thing to mention given what happens, but this did make me happy. Adrian is only the second character in my favorites list to be confirmed LGBTQIA+ (the other being Damien Bloodmarch from Dream Daddy: a Dad Dating Simulator). And I won’t lie, I cried for both instances.

This is a popular show, and Adrian is one of the main characters. This season had so many good examples of LGBT+ relationships-- including a very healthy partnership between two of the female villains which was openly discussed by them on screen. It’s treated as normal but not made the focus of the story, though it’s very obvious and not hidden. This was very impressive and respectful, showing a range of different orientations, and showing both healthy and unhealthy relationships.

I won’t address the games, because I haven’t finished playing them. I’ve heard some saying he’s always been bi, some saying it was never confirmed, and some saying he was confirmed straight. So I don’t know. I am of the opinion that a character’s sexuality does not affect the overall lore any more than their skin color or religion does. BUT, that is all I can say. I don’t know the games. And this scene certainly does include lore, as I will touch on in a bit...

2.) This scene was abuse, and the writing vilifies it as such.

As I said above, Adrian does seem to initially consent to the sex. He returns their kisses, he grips onto Sumi’s ass, and holds Taka’s shoulder as they make out. These are actions that imply he was enjoying this at the beginning. Although, it is possible he may have felt somewhat pressured to go further, as when they initially push him down, he does seem taken back, although that may have been mostly surprise.

However, as the scene goes on, it becomes clear that these two are attempting to make Adrian vulnerable. They continue with him until he is exhausted-- there are two of them and one of him. And given Adrian’s reactions, it’s very possible this may have been his first time. And I’m also not going to gloss over the fact that Adrian himself has said that he aged quickly. It is entirely possible that Adrian may still mentally be a child, in which case, this is also two young adults taking advantage of a younger teenager.

However, when this clearly becomes abuse and possibly rape is why they were having sex with him in the first place-- they wanted to make him vulnerable enough to kill him. They grew impatient with Adrian, wanting him to do things he could not do and teach them things he had not yet had the chance to. He gave them all he could, but their urge to return to Japan and free their people grew into a desire to kick out and replace the authority that abused them, to “make their own empire.” I also like that this makes this very real and tangible-- the abusers are not cartoonishly evil. They are real people with real motives who experienced abuse themselves. This hits a really sensitive topic many people aren’t willing to address-- that anyone is capable of abuse, villains aren’t alien, and people who may be otherwise trustworthy may commit grievous acts which can deeply hurt people.

What solidifies the idea in my mind is Adrian’s reaction after he kills them both and frees himself. We see him, having dragged himself to his childhood bedroom, laying on the floor in the spot where he killed his father, shaking and crying. He was violated. He was betrayed. The first time he’d been living a somewhat normal life in over a year, and the only two friends he had after Sypha and Trevor left stabbed him in the back. These humans, whom he killed his father to protect, took advantage of him and almost killed him, forcing him to kill them first.

I’m going to link to this post by @fandomwanderer​ and this post by @mega-ringsandthings-world​, because the sum up the idea better than I ever could. But this sets up Adrian’s character superbly. I will say, my wish for the next season is a bit different.

I hope that, eventually, Sypha and Trevor do come back, expecting Adrian to be waiting for them with open arms. And instead they find a very cold, very detached Adrian who is not acting like himself. I want tension between these three characters who used to be friends, until it builds up and eventually leads to a clash, possibly in the form of a physical fight. I want it to escalate until something happens and causes pause enough for Sypha and Trevor to talk Adrian down, at which point we finally see him start to crack, and eventually break down in his friends arms. I want them to ask about the scars, and prod and push until he snaps and attacks them, only to lead to him revealing everything that happened and clinging to them for comfort, while they wish they could’ve been the ones to kill the bastards. I truly do hope this happens. It’s been Three Seasons. Two of them have ended with Adrian sobbing. I want him to finally get some relief. But, even with this, I’m sure whatever the writers decide to do, it will be amazing. They’re in a very precarious place right now, but I’m excited to see where they go with it.

3.) Adrian’s reaction is perfectly justified.

This may just be an extension of point two, but Sumi and Taka’s abuse is not excused by the writing. All too often in fiction, rape and abuse are written off as not being that bad or even being desirable. What happens to Adrian is not painted as positive. It affects him extremely negatively, and it is not treated as his fault in any way. Even though he initially consented, these two betrayed his trust and hurt him. That is never treated as something he should be responsible for. Granted, with this being at the end of the series, there wasn’t much time for this to digest. I expect to see some characters see how he reacted by killing and spitting them, and initially assume that he did so because “he’s Dracula's son and of course.” But these characters will likely be doing so without context. The abuse also isn’t blamed on Adrian’s apparent orientation. Hector is abused in the same way by Lenore, in a heterosexual female-on-male abuse scene. And as stated above, there are healthy LGBT+ relationships in the show, as well.

Also, as the above linked post states, this also leads to us seeing Adrian slip slowly into the mindset his father once held-- perhaps not completely, but it is beginning. And all I’m left to think is, how much must this hurt? How much must Adrian hate seeing himself this way after everything he did for humans? But he’s so hurt by this betrayal that he can’t see things any other way right now. He is in pain, and he has had no real rest from that pain since his mother was killed.

“I gave you everything.” Adrian opened his home to Sumi and Taka, and he opened his heart to them, as well. He gave them his home, his weapons, his knowledge, his body. He is very young and very trusting, despite everything he’s been through. And that trust was taken and shoved right back in his face with insult and humiliation. He gave his all, not just for Sumi and Taka, but for humanity as a whole. He killed people, he killed his own kind, and he killed his own father-- his only remaining parent-- after his own mother was killed by the very people he was trying to protect. He gave everything, and humanity took it all and then shat on him in return. Adrian has every. right to feel betrayed. I don’t think he’ll be the new villain solely because I believe they will stick a bit closer to game lore, and may rather have him simply put himself to rest until the next major disaster hits humanity. But I do think this event caused his view of humanity to be less rose-tinted. He was forced to grow up fast, and much more painfully than he should’ve.

I truly hope, more than anything else, in future seasons Adrian does get some form of relief. Though, I doubt the world is done kinking him while he’s down. Hopefully, sooner rather than later, something truly good and unbastardized will come his way. Until then, I’ll be waiting with baited breath. I couldn’t be happier that this series is continuing.

P.S.: Please let me hug Adrian.

[peterstanslizzie]

Reacting To: Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts (Season 3 Episode 1)

Episode Title: Everything Is Crabs

Spoiler Warning: Kindly proceed if you’ve already seen the episode or are able to handle spoilers

1. After finding out from Troy’s dad, Roberto about Dr. Emilia’s evil plan to turn mutes back into animals, Kipo’s new mission now is to find her and put a stop to her plan. However, they have been searching for her for months to no avail. During the search montage, we also see a bunch of new Mega Mute designs, including Mega Crabs and Mega Turtle Dinosaur-thingies. 

2. It’s also a treat to see Puck, the other members of the TheaOtters and Jamack (who joined them last season) working together to warn the mutes all over Las Vistas of Dr. Emilia. And they do that by staging a dramatic play and musical performance in front of the different mute groups. This time, we see them trying to convince the Umlaut Snakes to join their alliance, HMUFA (Human Mute Ultimate Friendship Alliance). I have to be honest; That’s not a very good alliance name lol. Sorry Kipo. But I find it amazing that Jamack is singing a song about Kipo, basically complimenting her. 

3. The snakes express their unwillingness to work together with other mutes but all of a sudden, we hear the sound of an explosion from what it seems to be nectar bomb dropped by the Humming Bombers. The scene then cuts off to the opening title. 

4. Back at Timbercat Village, we see the others (Benson, Wolf, Dave etc.)  also having difficulty tracking the doctor. The first HMUFA meeting is tonight but no one seems to take this alliance or at least the name seriously because Yumyan and the rest of the Timbercats would rather have their weekly Yarn Watching lol. Well, they are still cats after all. 

5. Even Benson has already set up a date with Troy tonight in case the meeting didn’t happen, which of course, he prefers to be with Troy. I thought it was their flapjacks date but I almost forgot that it’s been months since the season 2 finale. So, that date should’ve already happened. Darn it! I wish we could’ve see it though. Anyways, Benson reveals it’s another date altogether, where he’s going to watch “his close-up magic”. My nasty mind went somewhere with that....sorry.

6. Jamack, Puck and the others return, looking beat up due to the earlier explosion and reveal that Camille was kidnapped by the Humming Bombers. This sounds fishy to me. Why would they kidnap her? They said it’s probably because of a rivalry thingy between mute groups but I really don’t think that’s the real reason. 

7. Kipo and the others make their way to the Humming Bombers to confront them about kidnapping Camille as well as to convince them to be on their side but they all look really sad and out of it. They’re having a so-called “Sad Bomb Party”, which looks fun but real dangerous at the same time. Hopefully, there’s no one around the area they’re throwing nectar bombs at. 

8. The birds said that they didn’t kidnap Camille and put the blame on the Newton Wolves, whom they think they’re the ones who ate one of their own, Boom-Boom. This is definitely sounding even more suspicious. Kipo thinks all of this was Dr. Emilia’s doing; I agree. 

9. They then move on to question the Newton Wolves, who said that they didn’t eat anyone except a squirrel lol. They did mention about a stolen centrifuge, which triggers Kipo because she suspects that Dr. Emilia needs it to make her genetic cure. However, the wolves are confident that the Timbercats took it. So, Kipo convinces them to head back to Timbercat Village to ask them.

10. We shift things over to the first HMUFA meeting and it’s a hot mess because the Umlaut Snakes, the Humming Bombers and the Newton Wolves just can’t get along. 

11. Kipo is doing her best to keep everyone in check but it’s just too chaotic for her to handle. At least we find out that the Timbercats actually stole their centrifuge to use it to un-ravel and re-ravel their yarn. They’re so sneaky. 

11. Kipo feels helpless and she actually goes to Scarlemagne mainly to give him his dinner but he also noticed the chaos that’s happening and offers her his advice, which is to make them fear Kipo by turning into her Mega Jaguar form in order to intimidate them. I’m definitely picturing Scarlemagne being Kipo’s aid at some point during the season. I don’t think you can have two supervillains in a single season of Kipo. 

12. My favorite moment of the episode for sure: Kipo notices a bunch of mute children from each type of mute group playing together and getting along well with one another. This warms Kipo’s heart and it sure did warm mine too. She also brings her dad, Lio, Dave, Benson, Wolf and Mandu (who keeps on chewing on Dave’s arm throughout the episode for some reason but we eventually find out it’s because she’s teething and her tusks are coming in) to witness this precious moment. Side note: poor Benson was woken up from his dream of watching his bf, Troy sawing a woman in half lmao. I really need to watch one of their dates. 

13. All of a sudden, three Mega Crabs pop up and they start attacking the group. Kipo transforms to fend them off and Song assists her. The rest of the mutes notice the commotion outside but only the Timbercats and the Umlaut Snakes stay back to help. The Humming Bombers and the Newton Wolves simply just ran off because they don’t see this as their problem. I’m guessing they will come around within the next few episodes, hopefully. The cats and the snakes are working together to set traps for the Mega Crabs to get caught up in and they actually manage to kill the crabs. Wow...was that their intention all along? 

14. It seems like the mutes don’t have much regard for crab lives. They  also wonder why there were Mega Crabs suddenly appearing in the area recently and they theorize that it could be because Dr. Emilia was using her sonic emitter to drive them away from their homes at sea. That’s definitely plausible. But still, it’s kind of unfortunate that the crabs were chased away from their home just to end up becoming dinner to the other mutes. #crablivesmatter

15. Where’s Jamack? Well, he ends up becoming another victim to Dr. Emilia’ & co.’s kidnapping, along with Camille and Boom-Boom. How on Earth did she manage to kidnap them so easily and stealthily? Does she have secret agents working for her or something? Or maybe she can really turn herself invisible like everybody has been saying. 

16. Well, that’s the end of my review of episode 1. Stay tuned tomorrow for my review of episode 2. Thanks for reading everybody!

[saxxxology]

What Lurks Beneath the Surface - 2

After Sam’s ultimate sacrifice, you struggle to cope. When he shows up after months of being gone, you’re happier than ever to see him. That is, until you realize that the love of your life is much different than you remember. 

PAIRING: Soulless!Sam x Reader WARNINGS: canon divergence (season 6), angst, suspense, violence, smut, minor dub-con, and more. NOTE: Some elements of this series are a little darker than what I usually write. Warnings are sporadic to avoid spoilers - if you feel uncomfortable it is up to you to stop reading or message me with any questions.

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You’re lying on the bed when you wake up. You sit up a little too fast, and your vision blurs and swirls, forcing you to close your eyes again.

“You’re awake.”

The voice makes you freeze and choke on a scream. Glancing sharply to your left, you see him, long hair, sharp profile… it’s him. 

Sam.

He’s sitting in a chair, staring at you. His face is expressionless, like he’s looking at you because he can, not because he wants to.

“Don’t act so surprised. Should’ve known I’d get out sooner or later.” He looks down at his hands, and you follow his gaze. He’s cleaning a gun that you recognize, the Glock that you keep back in your bedside cabinet. “Nice gun by the way. Knew you were goin’ for it.” 

“H-how?” you choke out, and your voice cracks with the effort of speaking. You wince as a dull pain spreads through your neck, from your windpipe to the bottom of your skull. You raise a hand, feeling tender skin and bruises under your fingers. “How did you get out?” 

Sam shrugs. “Don’t know.” 

“How long have you been out?” you ask, your voice rough, either from not being used in so long or from the pressure that had been applied to it earlier. 

“Maybe since a week after I went down,” he replies. “Been watching you for a while.”

Your throat aches as you swallow. “A whole year? And you couldn’t have shown up sooner?!”

“Took me a while to find you,” Sam continues, “you stopped using cards, didn’t leave any good trails to follow.”

You stare up at him, all sorts of emotions coursing through you. You’re amazed that he’s still alive, happy that he’s standing in front of you, apparently healthy and relatively happy. There’s a hint of anger at what he did to you, and why he couldn’t just knock on your door like a normal person.

“Does Dean know you’re alive?” You ask.

Sam shakes his head. “No. And I don’t want him to.”

“Why?” You narrow your eyes. “Is there something you don’t want him to know?”

Sam shrugs. “He’s happy. I’ve been watching him too.”

“Yeah, and I was just starting to get happy again, that doesn’t matter?” Your throat aches with emotion as you stand up to face him. “I was starting to get over what happened, I was practically drinking myself to sleep almost every night, I was depressed!” You start shouting as tears start in your eyes. “I was sad and scared and Dean cared more about some woman who’s practically a stranger than he did about me! I had to go through it alone! And now you’re here and I don’t even know how or why!”

Sam just stares at you, at the tears streaming down your face, the slightly purple bruises on your throat from where he’d been a little too firm in trying to subdue you. “I need your help.”

You sit on the edge of the bed, staring at the closed curtains just behind Sam. “Yeah, well, I’m still trying to figure out if this is real or not, give me a bit.”

Sam turns away from you, grabs your bag, and tosses it onto the bed next to you. “Believe me, you’re not dreaming.” He motions to your neck. “That’s proof enough. Call your boss.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re going to be missing work for a few days.”

There’s something eerie about the way he’s looking at you, the way he’s talking to you. When he used to talk, you could hear the emotion in his voice. With your eyes closed, you could tell if he was smiling or frowning when he spoke. Now, you can’t really tell what emotion he’s feeling, or if he’s feeling anything at all. His eyes are cold and empty and there’s an odd glint that doesn’t look like it belongs there.

“Sam, what’s wrong with you?” You edge away from him to stand shakily at the foot of the bed.

“Nothing’s wrong with me,” he replies calmly, “I’ll prove it.”

Sam takes a silver flask from his bag and unscrews the cap. He tilts his head back and takes a long swallow, raising an eyebrow at you as if to say not a demon, and then unsheathes a small silver knife that looks brand new. He draws it over his forearm, leaving a small trail of bright red blood.

“Not a demon, not a shifter, not anything you should be scared of.” He sets the knife back on the table. “Just good ol’ Sam.”

You step forward and slowly wrap your arms around his torso, and you listen to his heartbeat, loud and steady in his chest. He hugs you back, his fingers spreading across your back, and you realize just how hard it’s been living without Sam’s hugs, and you hold onto him tighter, burying your face in his chest.

“I missed you, Sam,” you whisper, “I really missed you.”

***

FOUR MONTHS LATER...

Of course you go with him. You’ll always go with Sam if he asks. Three days after Sam comes, you drop your job, pack up, and sell most of your belongings online. 

It’s hard to keep from telling Dean; often, when he calls you, you find yourself nearly telling him about the case you’ve caught with Sam, or that Sam’s even alive… 

It hurts, but you’d promised Sam that you wouldn’t tell. And you keep your promises.

You’ve gotten used to this version of Sam. You miss his old smiles, wish that every laugh wasn’t partially forced, but then again, if you’d gone to battle with the Devil for who knows how long, you’d probably take life a little more seriously too.

Sam’s definitely changed; not just mentally or emotionally, but physically. He’s bigger, stronger, more alert. He works out like a maniac and keeps track of his hygiene even more than before. There’s a new confidence in his stride, a sharper, clearer tone when he speaks. And then there’s the fact that he stays out later than usual and never looks tired, even if he’s gone all night. 

You don’t ask questions, just respect the way he lives now.

It’s mid-February when you and Sam finally catch a break. The past few weeks have been non stop hunting, and you’re glad when Sam agrees to stay in Columbus for an extra day. It’s not entirely for care of you, however; cash is running low and Sam’s taken a liking to your skill of seducing men into giving up more cash than they can afford to. 

On this night, you join Sam for a game of pool against two members of what looks like a biker gang. The men’s eyes flicker between your low-cut shirt and skirt, only stopping when it’s their turn to shoot.

During this time, Sam drinks continuously, one beer after another. By looking in his eyes, you can tell he’s steady, but he’s acting, pretending to get drunker and more confident with every drink he takes. The bikers team up, and within minutes, they’ve got a small pile of twenties and fifties going on the side of the pool table.

“Your girl’s good luck,” one of the men comments, nodding his head in your direction. 

Sam grins and wraps one arm around you, pulling you tight against his side. “Damn right she is.” He smiles down at you, and you offer a smile back. You hate it when he plays with you like this, pretends you’re a good luck charm or something he can use for his advantage, but right now your need for money surpasses anything else, and playing along with his little game might get you more.

Sam watches closely as one of the bikers lines his cue up with a ball and swings forward. The ball misses its mark by a good three inches, and his friends groan as Sam straightens up, a smile playing on his face. He only has to make one more perfect shot to win everything on the table.

You hear the whispered curses from the men surrounding you, and Sam turns his head to look at you. He shoots you a wink that shows nothing but confidence and quickly lines his cue up with the white ball. Your heart beats faster in your chest; it’s been a long time since you felt this rush, the win-or-lose-everything thrill that is powerful enough to make your head spin and your legs tremble.

The biker gang shouts and yells angrily as Sam lands the winning ball right in the corner pocket, and he sweeps the pile of cash into his hands before giving it to you. You shove it into your purse and follow Sam towards the bar, blowing a kiss at the leather-clad men over your shoulder. He pushes a fifty-dollar bill towards the bartender and points to the surly group of bikers.

“Get them drinks,” he says, and then follows you out of the bar.

It’s late, past midnight, and the streets are empty. You check your phone for the time, reading half-past ten on your screen. You have to walk a little faster to keep up with Sam, and you’re surprised he’s still steady on his feet.

“We should get something to eat.” You say, looking up at his sharp profile, lit by streetlights as you pass under them. “I think there’s an all-night McDonald’s or something down the street.”

“I’m not hungry.” He replies.

“Sam, you just drank, like, four beers in a row, you should eat.” You follow him across the parking lot to the motel. “You’ll wear yourself out.”

“I’ll eat in the morning,” he replies coldly, “it’s late, you should sleep. I wanna be out first thing in the morning.”

“What about you?” You watch him unlock the motel room and follow him inside. “You’re not tired—?”

Sam doesn’t respond, just turns to face you and pushes you up against the wall. One hand slips around your back, the other tangles in your hair, pulling your hair back. You gasp when he presses his body against yours and shove your hands on his chest, stopping him from getting too close.

“I don’t want to sleep.” His voice is low and dangerous. “You know exactly what I want.”

You try not to think about how close he is, how you can feel his warmth through his shirt and the way he’s holding you against the wall, caging you in…

“Sam, I…” you grip his jacket in both hands, unable to say the one word he’s silently waiting for. To tell him that you don’t want this will be a lie. 

“What?” His tone is nearly mocking, as if he knows you’re truly helpless.

You swallow thickly. “Please… get off of me.”

He narrows his eyes, but steps away, allowing you to slip out of his grip. He watches you go to your suitcase and tug a sleep shirt and a clean pair of panties out. “What’re you doing?” he asks.

“Shower,” you reply bluntly. “Stay out.”

You stay in the shower as long as you can, scrubbing the smell of the bar off your skin. Sam’s given you a lot of signals over the last few months, but in no way have any of them ever been that he wants to sleep with you. You’ve heard him fucking the life out of other women, watched them stumble out with runny mascara and a limp. 

Sam’s never wanted to do that to you before now.

Maybe one night… yeah, one night can’t hurt.

You step out of the shower and quickly towel dry. You carry your spare clothes into the main room and toss them onto one of the two beds. Sam’s been reading the newspaper, and he watches with dark, malicious eyes as you drop the towel, allowing him to see every inch of bare skin.

“Well,” you murmur, “get your ass over here.”

Sam rises from his chair, quickly crossing over to meet you at the foot of the bed. He yanks you up, fingers pulling at soft flesh, and kisses you so hard your teeth click. He shrugs his jacket off, dropping it on the ground before letting you push his flannel over his shoulders.

You’ve never felt this before, this degree of need, of want. You and Sam have kissed before, on undercover investigations where you’d had to pretend to be a couple, but those were little, gentle kisses. The way you’re kissing now is desperate and just on the border of too-rough.

And you like it.

Sam runs his hands over your body, up and down your arms, over your sides and up the curve of your back, feeling your skin flex and bend under his palms. He presses his lips against yours one more time before pulling back for air, and you open your eyes, looking up at him. His pupils are blown with need, and he hooks his hands under your thighs, pulling you up and wrapping your legs around his waist.

“Sam…” You gasp his name when he lays you out on the bed and shoves his hips between your legs. He nips at your lower lip, his eyes glittering wickedly mere inches away from yours.

“Yeah, sweetheart.” He bites down on your jaw and palms one firm tit. “Been wanting to get my cock inside you for so long.”

He’s just about to pull his belt loose when you hear a knocking on the door to your room.

“We sh—” you pause when Sam pulls you in for another kiss, “we should get that.”

Sam tilts his head, eyes narrowing. His tongue darts out to flick over his lower lip, and he smiles. “How about we ignore it until they go away.”

“No, it might be important.” You pull away, climbing out from underneath him and reaching for your nightshirt. It barely covers your thighs, and you hope that whoever’s at the door isn’t important enough for you to be decently dressed. Peering through the door, your heart stops in your chest. 

Dean’s standing on the other side, his fist raised to knock three more times.

“Get in the bathroom,” you whisper, turning to face Sam, who’s still standing with a hand on his belt buckle.

Sam begins walking towards the door, squaring his shoulders. “Why?”

You put a hand on his arm to stop him. “Because it’s Dean.”

Sam’s jaw clenches, and he moves past you to grab his shirt and jacket off the floor. He kicks his duffel bag under the bed and out of sight before slipping into the bathroom and closing the door.

You wait for him to go completely quiet before you answer the door. “Dean, hey.” 

Dean takes in your disheveled appearance and raises his eyebrows, but there’s no hiding the anger in his eyes. “What’s going on?” There’s a great deal of concern in his voice. “I tried visiting you for New Year’s but you weren’t there, now your place is all cleaned out and now you’re in freaking Ohio.” 

“I…” you try to keep yourself calm as Dean walks past you into the room. “I went to see an old friend in Toledo, I was heading back today and I got tired, so I thought I’d stay at a motel—” 

“You’ve been all over the grid for two months,” Dean replies. “I’ve been tracking you, couldn’t get you stuck in one place long enough before you took off.” He glances at your ripped shirt and disheveled hair again. “Have company?” He looks around the room and his eyes land on your bag and the twenty and fifty-dollar bills sticking out of the top. “Y/N, what the hell is this?”

You scramble to cover up your reason for having that much cash and Dean’s obvious conclusion. “I’m not selling myself. I just played a good round of pool earlier.” 

Dean pulls a handful of cash out of your bag and looks at it. “How much is here?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t count it yet.”

Dean drops his interrogation and bows his head. “You know, the only other person who could win this much was Sam.” He swallows thickly. “Seems like you’re taking after him.” 

“Yeah… yeah, I am.” You look down at the ground. “Guess you can call it beginner’s luck, I haven’t played since… you know.” 

Dean nods in understanding and looks towards you. “Are you hunting again?” 

Again, you’re stuck searching for an explanation. “I… there was a vampire in Cedar Rapids last month, I took care of it, it’s not—” 

“Don’t say it’s not a big deal,” Dean interrupts. “Seriously, Y/N? Your apartment’s empty, your car is gone, why do I think you’re lying to me?” 

“It was killing people, Dean, it would have killed more and I stopped it—”

“Why didn’t you tell me? You could have dropped a line and I would have come with you.” 

You stare at the ground, playing with one sleeve of your shirt. “I’m sorry.” 

“Hey,” Dean steps towards you and pulls you close, wrapping his arms around you in a hug. “Don’t apologize, I just want you to be okay.” 

You hear the sink faucet running in the bathroom, and Dean looks up towards it. “You should probably…” 

“Go, yeah.” Dean backs away from you. “I’ll get a room someplace else, stick around until you take off.” He goes to the door and opens it. “By the way, if you sold your car, what are you driving?” 

You motion out the curtain covered window. “The Dodge.”

“That thing?”

“Yeah,” you cross your arms. “Real piece of crap, I’ve missed the Impala.” 

Dean grins. “Maybe we can go for a ride in the morning, bet she’s missed you.” 

You nod, watching Dean study the sleek black exterior of the car next to the Impala. “Bet she misses Sam more.” 

“We all miss Sam.” Dean sighs heavily. “Anyway, I’ll see you around, call me in the morning.” He points a finger at you. “And don’t scare me like that again.” 

He leaves, and the second you hear the Impala start up, you go to the bathroom door and knock twice. “You can come out now.” 

You’re sitting on the bed when the door opens and Sam steps out, carrying his jacket and shirt. “He’s gone?” 

“Yeah, he said he was getting a room at another motel. I have to call him in the morning.” You look down at your lap as Sam sits next to you. 

“Everything okay?” 

“Other than the fact that I keep lying to him, yeah, everything’s peachy.” You don’t look at him. “You’re going to have to tell him.” 

“Tell him what?”

“That you’re alive. I can’t keep lying to him for you, either you tell him or I will.” 

Sam reaches over, sets one hand on your knee. “I will… just when it’s the right time.” His grip tightens on your knee, and his other arm slips around your waist. “Now, where were we?”

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[yellowmagicalgirl]

A Different Sort of Rage

“Why does tragedy exist? Because you are full of rage. Why are you full of rage? Because you are full of grief.“ – Anne Carson

OR

Toby grieves Claire. He also helps to save the world, again.

You know, at least once while writing this, I asked myself why I’d even bother. Claire doesn’t affect 3Below Season 2 at all, so why would that change because she’s dead? Well, Toby deserved better.

That’s right, almost a year later, the 3Below Interlude to Juliet Dies in This has been completed! That being said, you don’t need to have read Juliet Dies in This to understand this story; you just need to know it’s an au where Claire didn’t make it out of the Shadow Realm during the Eternal Night.

If you did read Juliet Dies in This, then this takes place between chapters 3 and 4.

Trigger/spoiler warning: there is drowning, mild body horror, and talk of suicide in this fic.

AO3

FFN

Toby clung to a set of wooden planks with one arm; the other was wrapped around Jim’s unconscious body. Saltwater slammed against his lower body, cold and angry. On the other side of the planks was Claire and a heavy anchor connected to a length of chain. With each moment that passed, the planks splintered just a bit more. Too much longer, and there wouldn’t be enough wood to hold on to.

“Can you keep the planks steady for me?” Claire asked. “Then I can shove the anchor into the ocean, and we won’t have to worry about it.”

“Be careful,” Toby said, adjusting his grip on the planks and Jim. Claire hoisted her entire body onto the planks. With a grunt she lifted the anchor and began to scoot it to the ocean.

She was about to drop it when the chain glowed gold and wrapped around her.

Toby didn’t let go of Jim, who would surely drown with no one holding onto him.

Toby didn’t let go of the planks, because he wasn’t a strong swimmer even without a friend to hold on to.

Toby didn’t grab Claire. Instead, he watched in horror as she fell into the cold ocean, her hair indistinguishable with the blackness that she was pulled into.

And then Toby woke up. It had been a while since he last had nightmares about drowning and sinking boats. He had had one or two back when Jim had been in the Darklands. Most of this species of nightmare had occurred before he started puberty but had been old enough to really understand just what had happened to his parents.

“Wingman okay?” AAARRGGHH!!! asked.

“Yeah,” Toby said. “It was just a dream.” He glanced at his clock. 12:51 am. He loved having a semi-normal sleep schedule again, but with most of his friends being nocturnal phone calls weren’t always easy. Oh, well. He was awake anyways; may as well call Jim and Claire.

Wait.

Claire didn’t go to Jim and Blinky to find a Heartstone in New Jersey. Claire had disappeared into a black void and Toby had been the one to lock her in.

So that was why he had that dream.

Toby put a reminder on his phone to look into what mental health options his nana’s health insurance had and then went back to sleep. Or at least, he tried to.

Sunshine streamed through the stained-glass windows of the Catholic church that Claire’s funeral was held in, which meant that even if trolls were allowed to go, they couldn’t have. Claire had family outside Arcadia, and to them she had died because she got trapped under rubble in the freak earthquake-and-tornado that had occurred.  To them, Claire was inside the coffin, though badly mutilated by rocks that had slammed into her.

Her body was probably mutilated by Morgana, come to think of it.

Toby tugged at his tie. This felt so stupid. Claire was a hero, and her extended family wasn’t allowed to know. He understood, though. They didn’t want to get anyone from the government involved, at least, the non-local government, since obviously Claire’s mom and thus the rest of the city council involved. The trolls were weakened, and Toby didn’t know if they were bulletproof.

It was probably for the best that trolls weren’t allowed to attend the funeral, but that didn’t mean that Toby wasn’t angry with the situation. AAARRRGGGHHH!!! had been Claire’s friend, too. He should be here. Besides, he hadn’t been the one responsible for this mess.

The unsettling calm in the week-and-a-half since the Eternal Night had given Toby a lot to think about. Specifically, how everything had gone wrong.

He should have smacked Morgana into the Shadow Realm with his warhammer and then destroyed the staff. He should’ve been smarter. He had been fighting alongside Claire for months; surely, they could’ve come up with something so that she would be either in Arcadia or on the road to New Jersey.

There was one thing about this funeral that wasn’t a farce: Claire was dead. Toby didn’t think Morgana would be interested in keeping Claire alive. After Merlin cleared away the Eternal Night, Jim had proposed going to Trollmarket to see if there was anything in Blinky’s library to see if it could help them save Claire. Blinky had told them that he had had one book on constructing magic items, but it was among the first of Dictatious’s books he had burned. Strickler, for all the dark magical knowledge he had from the Book of Ga-Huel, had nothing on making a new Shadow Staff. Probably to keep the changelings from rebelling against their Lady Creator, the former history teacher had mused.

To Toby’s right, Darci and Mary and their families stood for a prayer. Toby’s eyes traveled upwards to the rafters. One troll, or rather, changeling, had made it despite the odds. NotEnrique would probably deny the fact that he had been crying later.

“Dude, you sent me a thousand texts, what is your data plan?” Toby asked as he crawled through Eli’s window. It was easier than he had expected, despite his gym pass not feeling as intense of a work-out as fighting trolls and sparring Jim and – sparring in the forge. That was, that was pretty good, actually, he wouldn’t be the reason for anyone else getting hurt or worse if he tried to keep getting stronger.

“Some of them might’ve been queued up,” Eli said, shrugging as he held up a flashlight under his chin. “I… this is important, but I thought I could’ve gathered more evidence and, well…” Eli frowned and dropped the self-important tone. “I wanted to give you some time, since the funeral was a couple days ago.”

The light returned to Eli’s eyes, or maybe it was just the flashlight glinting off his glasses. His voice once more took on an air of self-importance. “Now, Tobes, are you ready for me to rock. Your. World?”

Toby glanced over at his girlfriend and Mary, who was complaining about boredom. Toby’s hands curled into fists. They had been friends with Claire for longer than he had been, how could they be so, so normal?

“TP, come here! I wanna talk to you about something!” Steve called from where he was leaning against Aja and Krel’s house.

“Don’t call me that.”

“I mean, it means vaguely the same thing as buttsnack but nicer?” Steve said as Toby made his way over to the house.

Toby rolled his eyes. Well, at least one person realized why he hadn’t wanted that nickname. If only Claire had realized that, before she, before she, before she had spread it around the school.

Toby blinked several times, trying to get the stinging sensation out of his eyes. “What do you want?”

“Dude, relax,” Steve said quietly enough as to not let Mary and Darci hear from their spot by the pool.

“Relax? Relax?” he whisper-shouted. “How am I supposed to relax when we’re in the middle of a war that will decide the fate of not only Earth, like the one with Gunmar and Morgana, but also Aja and Krel’s planet too? I relax, people die. If I’m not alert, someone else has to take the hit for me. If I don’t pay enough attention, then I’m the one responsible for trapping someone in an alternate dimension!”

Steve just looked at Toby for what felt like five insufferably long minutes.

“Stop freaking out,” Steve said, pinching his brow. “Or else you’ll be so high strung that you’ll end up swinging your oversized mallet at the wrong thing.”

“Warhammer,” Toby corrected, even though Steve did have a point.

Toby’s therapist said that it was important to have hobbies. Between trollhunting and school, Toby was used to having to be constantly alert and vigilant, and that may have been helping to contribute to his restless mind. Granted, Toby hadn’t told his therapist about the ruthless Akiridion dictator trying to attack Earth because that probably fell into the “I will alert the authorities if you’re going to harm yourself or others” clause in the doctor-patient confidentiality forms he and his nana had signed. However, filmmaking was both a good way to bond with his friends as well as maybe destress.

Pretending that he was only interested in making a short film made him seem vapid, like less of a threat. He didn’t trust these military goons, but he also knew they probably underestimated him. What could a short, fat kid with a warhammer possibly do to them?

Rule One of Trollhunting was to always be afraid, with the caveat of goblins. If Area 49-B was unafraid of Toby, then they’d underestimate him.

Besides, these people wanted to capture all sorts of extraterrestrials. Who knew what they’d do to trolls?

Toby still didn’t know if trolls were bulletproof or not. He got the feeling they wouldn’t be laser-proof.

Angor Rot hadn’t been laser-proof, if that’s what Morgana’s magic had been.

Angor had been their enemy, but he had saved them, too.

Tronos had been their enemy, but he had just saved the entire world.

“Get in my phone!” Toby yelled at the armored extraterrestrial as the Area 49-B goons approached, clearly interested in his warhammer. It reminded him a little of the robbers who had kidnapped them.

“What?”

“You did it before! I’m not letting anyone else die.”

Toby and Tronos barely escaped with the others.

“Okay, so, just so that we're clear, by ‘Earthly forces’, you mean me, Eli, Steve…” Toby said, covering his mouth to hide the sound from Darci. He didn’t want to worry her.

“And the brute,” Zadra said. “Yes.”

“Technically, AAARRRGGHH!!!’s a troll.”

“I'm not confident about your chances, but these are desperate times.”

“Well, not even the word ‘hopeless’ is void of hope, I guess,” Toby said.

“What?”

“Trollish saying. I, we’ll do our best.” The call ended; Toby turned to his girlfriend. “Hey, babe, you seem like you got this stapling thing down pat.”

Darci crossed her arms, suspicion in her eyes. “Toby, what’s going on?”

“It’s… a long story.”

“Then start talking.”

Toby looked away from his girlfriend.

“Is it more troll stuff?” she asked.

“No…”

“Then what’s. Going. On?” Darci grabbed his hand. “Toby, I’ve been to enough funerals this year. I don’t want to go to any more of them, and I really don’t want to have to go to another funeral angry that the person I cared about lied to me about the supernatural battles they were fighting. Not when I could’ve maybe helped.”

Toby sighed. “Okay, to make a long story short, there is life on other planets, including a planet called Akiridion-V. That’s Aja and Krel’s home, but it was taken over.” Toby tugged his hand away from Darci’s, giving her an apologetic look. He grabbed his warhammer and expanded it. “And the guy who took it over is going to attack their house so I really gotta go make sure they’re safe so bye I promise I’ll tell you more later!”

Between all the other problems of his life, having a creative outlet was a great way to destress. Usually. Theoretically. Considering that Chompsky broke character on every take, this was really just another source of stress.

His film wasn’t as important as the Akiridions in orange pods.

“Are those your parents?” he asked Aja and Krel. “Do you want me to help?”

“No, we’ve got it!” Krel shouted, waving him off as he, Aja, Varvatos, and Stuart set up the daxial array.

“What are you doing?” Aja asked.

“Well, while I was holding down the fort, I thought I’d finish my director’s cut.” Toby scowled. “But then Chompsky started acting out.”

There was chattering that only one who had lived with a gnome for months would understand. He was almost surprised that Bagdwella never learned how.

“No, I can’t make you taller in post!” Toby had a realization as he walked away from the gnome. “Wait, does this mean you’re going home soon? Back to Akiridion-V?”

“Of course,” Krel said with a glance towards his parents. “That was always the plan.”

Right. The plan. Aja and Krel were going to leave him. They had more important things to do than live a life in Arcadia Oaks. They were royalty from another planet.

“But wait, not yet!” Toby protested. He wanted more time with his new friends, and maybe he had just the thing to get them to stay. “I’ve got good news! Captain Kleb is going to premiere before Gun Robot 7 at the local drive-in!”

“That’s amazing,” Krel said, sounding surprised. He gave an almost incredulous chuckle. “All our friends are going to be there!”

Not all of Toby’s friends, but a good portion of them.

“Yeah,” Toby said, less enthusiastic than he was a moment before. “We’ll be local celebrities.”

Maybe they city would dedicate a nice park bench to him, for all his combined work as a filmmaker, trollhunter, and crook-catcher. He didn’t deserve an entire street, even though Domzalski Drive had a nice ring to it. Besides, Jim Lake Lane and Claire Court sounded better, more fitting.

“Your moving picture party will be the perfect way to celebrate after we stop Morando,” Aja said, breaking Toby out of the beginnings of yet another depressive spiral.

Toby turned to Aja, Krel, AAARRRGGHH!!!, and Varvatos. Sure, the crystal staircase didn’t light up with each step, but they were about to see the most incredible place ever! It deserved every bit of gravitas that he, Jim, and Claire had been given. “Welcome,” he said in his best impression of Jim and Blinky, “to Heartstone Trollmarket!”

Toby gasped.

“This is ‘the most incredible place ever?’” Krel said.

“Was,” Toby sighed, “before the Eternal Night.”

It was probably a good thing, that Blinky and Jim went to New Jersey so they wouldn’t have to see it. That Claire, Draal, and Vendel would never have to see it. The darkened, broken heartstone and the rubble-strewn streets were horrible to see; this was a place that Toby had considered to be practically a second home. He could only imagine just how terrible his Wingman must have felt at the sight of it.

“I know what it’s like, to lose one’s home,” Aja said as they passed by Bagdwella’s old shop. She was better at comforting AAARRGGHH!!! than Toby himself was. Probably Krel and Varvatos, too. They had left behind their homeplanet, and their house was gone, too.

“Your friends, Jim, Blinky, and the trolls are safe, and that’s what matters the most,” Krel said. Toby was about to thank him for the reassurance – he had gotten good at dealing with human feelings – when rocks collapsed.

Varvatos was right. There was definitely an aura of death and decay. Stupid Morgana, ruining everything.

“That looks… deep.” Varvatos said.

“How do we get down there?” Aja asked.

“We don’t!” Toby said. Memories of watching Jim’s cage fall filled his mind. “If you go down there then you face your deepest fear!”

“Why would anyone want to do that?” Krel asked. The light from the Soothscryer came back up again insistently.

“It’s a long story,” Toby said as the light spiraled downwards once more. “Jim made it out alive, and unfortunately, he’s the only one who has.”

“We don’t have much choice,” Aja said. “We have to find Gaylen’s core before Morando.”

Krel held two of his arms in front of his sister. “I’ll go!”

“No, if we have to fight then it’s better to have safety in numbers. We’re stronger together,” Toby said.

“But you and Varvatos need to fight whatever’s coming,” Krel said as Aja pulled out her hoverboard.

“We will,” AAARRRGGHH!!! said. He raised his voice to a slightly higher pitch. “So, fight!” he imitated, before lowering his voice. “Make proud, Wingman.”

“Will do.” Toby pulled out his warhammer and followed the Tarron siblings down into the Deep.

Unfortunately, Toby followed them straight into a stony wall.

Toby stood on a dock, watching a cruise ship sail away. His nana waved good-bye to him, along with two relatively young adults. They were familiar, just like the ship was. They were familiar from blurry memories and from morbid curiosity because at age twelve, Toby wanted to know just how his parents died.

“Don’t go,” Toby pleaded softly, but he knew it was no use. He looked over his shoulder and caught Jim’s eyes.

“Well, bye, then,” Jim said flippantly. He began to walk away, and Toby realized that so did all the other trolls. Darci, and Dr. Lake, and pretty much everyone Toby knew walked with them.

Toby tried to catch up, but each step was a herculean effort. Eventually, everyone passed beyond the horizon. It started to rain, and Toby realized that he had managed to find his way to the bridge where everything always went down.

A dark sliver appeared in the thin air in front of him. It widened, and Claire stepped out of it. Except “stepped” wasn’t quite the write word, not with how her limbs and neck bent at all the wrong angles. Golden manacles with small lengths of broken-off chains were attached to her wrists and ankles. A noose connected her neck to the Shadow Realm, and when the portal closed Claire collapsed, almost like a puppet whose strings were cut. She caught herself at the last second, dust swirling off the bridge to reform the Shadow Staff in her hand. She stretched each of her limbs as they popped into place with the sound of crunching bones and scraping metal. She then rolled her neck, the noose catching on one of the spikes of her helmet. It didn’t seem to bother her, but it added a gruesome effect.

Claire’s brown eyes opened, going from blank to full of hatred in the span of an instant. “You,” she said. Her voice echoed above the sound of rain and distant thunder. “You let me die!”

She lunged for him, and Toby found that the sluggishness to his limbs was gone as he jumped out of the way.

“You killed me!” she screamed, disappearing through a portal. She came out from almost directly above him, staff pointed to skewer him.

Toby caught it with his warhammer, sending it away from himself. “You, you told me to. You told me to break the staff,” Toby said.

Claire attempted to stab him in the back. “And you didn’t think to wait, did you? You didn’t think that maybe you should have waited for Blinky to have saved me?”

“There was no time, and you know this.” Toby knocked the Shadow Staff out of her hands. It crumbled into ash. “It’s not my fault that you didn’t think of any other way to end Morgana. It’s… it’s not my fault that you’re dead!”

The rain stopped, and the clouds started to part. As Claire looked up to the sky, Toby realized that he was crying.

The sun was eclipsed by the moon and then by even darker clouds. Claire closed her eyes as it began to rain again, this time even harder than before.

“You want to know what’s the best part of being dead?” she asked in an eerily soft voice.

She opened her eyes. They were purple and black. “I don’t have to look at your stupid fucking face anymore.”

Claire lunged for him, knocking his warhammer out of his hands. She pinned him down with one hand. “No one wants to have to look at it. And I’m going to be the fucking martyr that makes sure no one will ever have to again.”

And then she began to punch his face, the edges of her clawed armor piercing him. With each punch more cracks began to grow on her face and hand, but Claire didn’t seem to notice them. She didn’t look like she was in pain like the last time she had grown those cracks. If anything, the lightning glinting in her eyes made her look sadistic.

And then Toby woke up.

“I did it,” Krel said, overjoyed. “I did it!”

“I’m proud of you, little brother,” Aja said, rubbing at her arms. She sounded spooked. “Congratulations, you probably beat me by half a mecron. What… what did you see?”

“Morando destroying Arcadia Oaks and everyone in it, which he’ll do if he gets Gaylen’s core,” Krel said with a slight frown. “And you?”

“The same, but with Akiridion-V,” Aja said. The two of them turned to Toby.

They were going to have to leave anyways; they didn’t need to know that Toby’s worst fear was a combination of Claire hating him in her dying moments and everyone he cared about leaving him.

“Oh, well…” Toby gave a slight chuckle, and hoped that they’d believe the fat stigma. “Dieting.”

They had no time to question his lie because Varvatos and AAARRRGGHH!!! came crashing in.

“Purple. Pretty,” AAARRRGGHH!!! said, gazing at the altar to Gaylen’s core.

“Claire would have loved to have seen this,” Toby sighed, and then startled with a realization. “Kanjigar, do you know if Draal and Claire are, you know, resting in peace?”

Unfortunately, the previous Trollhunter had gone back to the void.

Toby supposed it didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, not with Aja and Krel being shot down. Still, closure that his friends were okay in the end would have been nice.

“Where’s Krel and Varvatos?” Toby asked as he dismantled yet another OMEN. “Would be nice to get a little more help.”

“Krel’s working on getting us some reinforcements,” Aja said, “and Varvatos is protecting my parents and Stuart. I trust him enough to not try to power the canon with my parents’ cores twice.”

“Wait, why would he do that? He’s not evil enough to power things up using unwilling people!”

“I thought that too, but since two royal cores are needed it’ll be Krel and I and not my parents.”

“No.” Toby brought his warhammer down enough that deep cracks were left in the concrete where the OMEN once stood. “Aja, you can’t. That’s suicide.”

“It’s not suicide, Toby. It’s sacrifice. Of all people, I thought you understood that.”

“Oh, trust me. I understand that. I also understand that those two look really similar sometimes. Aja, promise me that I won’t have to attend any more of my friend’s funerals this summer.”

“I can’t, but that’s why Krel’s working on reinforcements. I don’t want to do this, but I will if that’s what it takes.”

Toby would have argued had an OMEN not thrown a truck at a random kid. There had to be another way, one that wasn’t trying to fight a losing battle. One where all his friends made it out.

“He’s too strong,” Toby said. “He’s stronger than…”

No.

Morando was not stronger than Morgana. He couldn’t let himself believe that. They were all going to live, and no one was going to sacrifice their life for the good of everyone else, even if they were on the very same bridge where Angor and Claire died.

And Toby had legitimate hope when Zadra and various ships from Akiridion-V came through the wormhole.

Except they weren’t enough. Morando grew red wing-like appendages and created a massive explosion of red light.

“Morando is too powerful,” Krel said.

As the Tarron siblings hugged each other for what shouldn’t be the last time, Toby tried to think of another way to kill Morando.

“Go back to town,” Aja said. “Make sure everyone’s safe! And… I’m sorry, Toby. There’s a reason why I didn’t promise.”

“On it!” Steve said. “Please don’t get stepped on!”

“You too, my Palchuk!” Toby couldn’t tell if it was cruel or not for Aja not to say goodbye.

There had to be a third option.

“What are you waiting for, give me a ride!” Steve shouted. Toby fired up his warhammer.

Morando was at least as strong as Morgana. Maybe he was stronger. Two people would die. Someone’s hand would get cut off by a –

There was another way.

Toby set Steve down and began to fly off in the opposite direction.

“Where are you going, buttsnack?” Steve shouted.

“To save your girlfriend’s life!” Toby began searching through his phone to find the number for Akiridion-V. They could try to open a portal from within Morando’s body, and hopefully Akiridion anatomy was such that it would kill him.

It was probably a good idea that Toby had used his warhammer instead of the Shadow Staff. Too gruesome.

He was on the second ring when he watched Aja and Krel fire the canon.

He felt relief, and then guilt.

It was over.

Toby didn’t know what to say. Aja, Krel, and everyone else from Akiridion-V were leaving. So were the Foo-Foos and Eli.

“Do you have to leave?” It was selfish. Of course they had to leave. Toby closed his eyes and tried to drown out Deep-illusion-Claire’s words. They weren’t leaving because of him; Aja and Krel had to go and rule an entire planet.

“Thanks for keeping that promise about me not going to your funeral”? Too selfish. It put the focus too much on him.

“Being an orphan isn’t so bad, just look how I turned out”? Too insensitive, considering that he could barely remember his parents.

“Sorry about your parents, but I’m glad they’re dead instead of you”? That wouldn’t stop the guilt.

Except, Krel was staying.

Toby would figure out something comforting to say, eventually.

The world was going to end. Again. And this time, Toby’s new allies were a talking, bipedal cat and a pair of teenagers who were currently going through their emo phase. Said emo teens were about a year older than Toby, and supposedly they were wizards, but honestly? Aja and Krel seemed more competent than these two.

At the very least, Aja and Krel were better at lying. The minute after the cat had called them out on “experimenting unsupervised”, Zoe had started rambling about college apps, which had segwayed into summer homework, which somehow turned into how she and Douxie could make non-exploding potions without Archie’s supervision.

It was a little creepy, just how exasperated the cat looked.

Douxie stared at Toby quizzically before interrupting his friend’s rambling. “Your friend – the possessed one. Is she okay?”

A cold sort of rage crept into Toby’s bones, and with it, came the desire to scream at Douxie for having noticed that Claire wasn’t okay, and not having really done anything. Storm out of the apartment, telling Steve to tell Toby anything important, but refuse to work with the wizards.

But Claire made her decision. There was nothing that Toby could’ve done to change that, much less a guy who went to their rival school.

So instead of yelling, Toby took a breath, and said coldly, “Let’s just say that Claire’s at peace now.”