#I am also realizing that I may have visualized this scene completely differently in my head from how it's written. oops | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yukirayu · 2 years

Text

Taku and Madarame: To Heal and To Hurt

Before we get to anything, please know that I am not reading anyone for filth here. Everything I wrote for this meta is based on what the visual novel showed us and what I have observed from the visual novel, but it’s still difficult to talk about anything involving a certain character without it sounding like I’m bashing them.

Now, to start, I want to show you all this fanart (source here), which I find fascinating.

(Note: I highly recommend that you check out the rest of this artist’s work. Plenty of great TakuTowa fanart for all lovers of the pairing.)

I am promoting the fanart above because it effectively shows how Taku and Madarame are effective foils of each other. I already made a similar post before about Taku also serving as a good foil to another character (Sakaki). This post is going to be like that one, but this one is explained in greater detail; though both posts have the same goal: to compare and contrast.

Of course, be warned of the following:

Before you read any further, there will be spoilers, and I mean plenty of them, so I advise you not to read this if you haven’t completed the visual novel and want to complete it whilst blind.

What you will see under the “Read More” will be long, and I mean really long and possibly incomprehensible with all my rambling, so brace yourselves.

Every narration from the game is rephrased so that it reads in third-person, which is how it’s supposed to read in the original version. This is done to help with maintaining objectivity as I explain and point out things.

If you want to read this in a different platform, the meta is also available for reading on Google docs.

How Long They’ve Known Towa

To start with something simple: out of Towa’s four love interests, Taku and Madarame are the only ones who personally knew Towa for a long time. Sure, Rei may technically count as well since he knew Towa since middle school, but he and Towa never interacted until they were already full-fledged adults. Towa didn’t even realize that he and Rei attended the same school until Rei pointed it out in his route.

Taku knew Towa since he was a child, since he was assigned as Towa’s physician. As such, he was the one who would patch up Towa’s wounds or check on him when he falls ill (both of which are thanks to Maya’s “loving” care). After Maya’s death, although Taku is not legally assigned as Towa’s guardian, he still helped look after Towa for the longest time, which they both acknowledge.

Towa and Madarame were also joined at the hip when Towa was in his teenage years and was still an active member of the Takasato-gumi. The two were basically friends with benefits, though the ‘friends’ part in the term is questionable. They often slept together because they gave each other the violence and pleasure the other wanted, and they often hung out (with Kaga) but that’s about it.

Relationship with Towa

(as established by the beginning of the common route)

In the common route, in what seems like a simple scene where people are having lunch at Yanagawa Café, we are already given an idea of what kind of relationship Towa has with both Taku and Madarame at present.

Taku is the very first love interest to show up. How is he introduced? Fussing over Towa and getting exasperated with him, while also subtly showing concern for him. They also occasionally hang out together outside work hours, which establishes that they’re on friendly terms. Even then, there’s the kind of distance between them where while they get along, they’re not so close that they share all their secrets.

Towa would never know the real Taku, nor would Taku ever know the real Towa. Even though they had known each other for years, it didn’t mean they understood everything about each other.

As for Madarame, as far as Towa knows, the man died years ago. If Madarame’s route isn’t taken, Towa will keep thinking that, especially since he no longer has any positive feelings for Madarame and would prefer to forget about him entirely. We don’t know why yet, since until after his route is unlocked, Madarame remains shrouded in mystery. Nevertheless, Towa’s disdain for him is made clear.

As it happened, Towa knew the person they were gossiping about. A lot about him, in fact. […] But Towa would rather not remember him, and thus avoided thinking about his name or his face.

Conflict with Toono

Until Fujieda’s route proved otherwise, the fact that Toono actively plays the role of the villain in both Taku and Madarame’s routes baited us all into thinking that he’s the only one who’s really out to give the cast trouble, and it’s not hard to see why.

Taku owes Toono a great debt because it’s only due to the latter’s financial assistance (even though it was provided to Taku with an ulterior motive) that Taku was able to become a doctor. Even though he despises Toono and hates doing the jobs assigned to him by the Takasato-gumi because it goes against his morals, the fact that Toono aided him is something he cannot deny. Of course, Toono takes advantage of this, and even deliberately adds fuel to the fire by getting Towa involved when he notices that Taku is getting increasingly reluctant to make the drugs that Toono wants to distribute around Shinkoumi. This is what sets up the conflict and the main plot for Taku’s route.

This aside, Toono is also the reason why Kaga died and why Towa lost his right eye, even though in the latter case, the bullet was meant for Madarame. Even then, Madarame still got wounded, yet the entire night was chaotic enough for the Takasato-gumi to give up on looking for his corpse and just claim that Madarame was dead. Madarame may deny that he’s out for revenge, but this is contradicted by him saying that “[Kaga] didn’t have to die.” This means that Madarame is out to settle the score with the syndicate, especially with Toono, and the climax of Madarame’s route even covers his blood debt finally being repaid.

Another obvious point of comparison is how they deal with Toono. Both are given the opportunity to point a gun right at Toono and end him then and there. Both wouldn’t have hesitated to pull the trigger. Except that while Madarame - dead-set in his revenge - aims straight for the heart, Taku changes his aim at the last minute. Not because he hesitated, but because he - in his words - refuses to play by the other’s games and stoop down to man’s level for another second.

This alone shows how Taku and Madarame are fundamentally different people.

Personality (Indetermination vs. Certainty)

How different Taku and Madarame are is reflected in both how they’re introduced and what the player learns about them in full by the end of their respective routes. And in both cases, they’re always like yin and yang.

At the start of the game, Taku is established as someone who looks out for Towa’s well-being. While he’s exasperated with some of Towa’s tendencies (like being late for work and preferring to ingest nicotine and alcohol over actual food and water), he never tries to outright interfere…. unless you play his route, where his protectiveness starts to really rear its head, which puts him and Towa at odds with each other.

As you progress further into Taku’s story, both you and Towa realize that Taku is far more fractured than he appears, and this can be traced to his mother’s death, something Taku has been beating himself up for to this very day. What doesn’t help as of late is his debt to Toono, which starts to actively threaten his day-to-day life; and it even gets Towa endangered due to the latter’s association with Taku.

It’s then that as Towa tries to figure out what’s going on in Taku’s mind, he starts to realize the man’s greatest flaw. What is that? Taku always wavers, no matter the kind of decision and no matter who it involves, be it something about himself or about someone else. Because he always fears the worst-case scenario and is never sure whether he’s truly doing the right thing. More often than not, he’s not even certain of his own intentions. This has something to do with the guilt he harbors towards his mother’s demise. He fears that even if he does everything, it won’t be enough, and that holds him back. Even after he finally makes his resolve about his situation with Toono, he hasn’t completely gotten rid of his flaw in the drama CD, and Towa has to force him to make up his mind once and for all after confronting him about how he’s at it again.

From what is heard of Madarame, almost everyone just talks about how freakishly strong he is or how he’s supposed to be dead. While we can only guess what kind of person he may be (at the time), those conversations alone are enough to tell us that he carries a very imposing presence.

Once we finally see him, you realize that - besides the part where he supposedly died - everything else the others say about him aren’t an exaggeration. The man really is imposing, and his strength may as well be inhuman. He possesses an indomitable will and is the kind of person who will do what he wants to do, wherever and whenever he wants, and however he wants.

And remember the title of his chapter: Immutable. Never yielding, never changing– which is Madarame’s character in a nutshell. How can he be like this? Because Madarame doesn’t have any mental or emotional burdens. There’s no deep-seated scar that Towa has to find, and this is reflected in the Interrogation since Madarame is the only one where the opposite approach has to be taken to get the good ending.

Taku and Rei are able to grow and heal if the right choices are made, and while Fujieda never gets subjected to an Interrogation since he’s able to resolve his issues by himself, he undergoes a development nevertheless and still reflects on himself. But as Towa observes, Madarame has never changed since years ago, and even at the end of the route, he’s still the same person that we saw him as from the start. He had not changed, and he never will change; hence why immutability is rooted into his very being.

Violence (Avoidance vs. Gratification)

Taku is a doctor and he pursued such a profession because he wants to save lives, as compensation for the life he wanted to save most yet was ultimately unable to. Naturally, he regards both life and death with grave seriousness and never regards it in a flippant manner, which makes him worry often for Towa, who couldn’t care less what happens to him.

On the other hand, Madarame may as well be violence incarnate—he lives and breathes to fight and carries a lust for blood. If he faces an obstacle, he’ll metaphorically and literally punch his way through said obstacle. And to him, life and death is nothing more than a game, a gamble, and he finds more fun in the challenge than in the outcome.

Now as for how this affects their approach with Towa…

Taku never does much to protest Towa’s stints whenever the latter pursues his artistic hobbies, but it doesn’t mean he likes seeing Towa either hurting himself or getting himself hurt, and he does make his displeasure known every once in a while by commenting on Towa’s wounds. Towa even remembers one time from some years ago, when Taku was absolutely furious after seeing Towa at the brink of death when an encounter with a potential model went awry.

Not to mention, there’s the way Taku treats Towa during sex. No matter what, Taku refuses to give Towa the rough treatment. At most, he will kiss and caress Towa’s scars, but no more than that. He even tells Towa that he knows his masochism is no more than a means to castigate himself. As such, Taku refuses to indulge in that, because he wants Towa to know that he’s worthy of being loved and cherished in a healthy way and that he can still feel pleasure through gentle and affectionate touches.

On the other hand, Madarame wants Towa to embrace the violence inside him and to live for violence, whether Towa inflicts it or receives it. He doesn’t mind Towa’s masochism and even seeks to indulge in it and to even amplify it, if possible. Though one can only wonder if Madarame ever saw the connection between Towa’s penchant for self-harm and the trauma of his childhood, the latter of which he’s hinted to be aware of to some degree, especially since he noticed Towa’s disdain for complete silence.

It also goes without saying that Madarame is the love interest who engages in the roughest and most violent sex with Towa. When Towa was still kept in chains as the other’s captive, Madarame showed his special brand of affection by making Towa bruise and bleed, and even after they properly rekindle their relationship later on, they still enjoy roughing each other up as part of their foreplay.

Unconditional Love vs. Conditional Love

Since he knows enough about what Towa’s childhood was really like, Taku also knows why Towa is the way he is. He knows why Towa indulges in self-destructive habits and why he’s almost completely apathetic to the motions of life. Taku doesn’t like it and the only reason he doesn’t protest too much is because he’s held back by the fear that he may end up accidentally giving away the truth, so he plays it safe by protesting on occasion but never actively trying to interfere (except when he’s certain that Towa may get himself killed).

Even then, in the event that he falls for Towa, all the negatives that he has observed from Towa doesn’t prevent him from having feelings for the other man. In spite of how flawed Towa is, Taku loves him all the same, especially since he understands why Towa is like that. Of course, he wants to help Towa heal (as much as he can at least) and grow out of his love for pain. But this aside, plus the fairly understandable request for Towa to stop sleeping with other men, Taku accepts Towa the way he is now and never asks Towa to conform to an image he has of him. This makes his love qualify more as an unconditional one.

As unorthodox as it is, Madarame’s love for Towa is sincere nonetheless. After all, for the longest time, he thought Towa died the same night Kaga did, and it’s hinted that this did affect Madarame to a degree, especially when he took a close look at Towa’s missing eye. Part of the reason Madarame even came back to Shinkoumi was to reunite with Towa. Madarame may like to make sardonic statements, but it’s obvious when he’s being upfront about his thoughts and feelings without the usual barb. When he tells Towa that he’s all he needs and asks him to not leave again, he meant it.

That being said, he’ll only reach out to Towa if he sees a chance that Towa can return to being the person Madarame last remembered him being. If Madarame thinks that Towa is, in his own words, “too far gone”, he won’t bother anymore and will leave Towa alone. This is why his love still counts as the conditional kind of love. He only loves the Towa that he once knew, but not the Towa that he sees now– which is ironic since Madarame is supposed to be a man who focuses only on the present, not the past.

Towa’s Visage

The only thing that really changes with Towa’s appearance in Rei and Fujieda’s good endings is his attire. On the other hand, in Taku and Madarame's good endings, Towa doesn’t undergo only a wardrobe switch; even the color of his hair changes as well.

Taku’s default appearance has his hair being mostly black in color, though the edges still have traces of the blonde dye that he would put on when he was still a teenager.

In Taku’s Euphoria ending, Towa grows out his hair such that it goes way past his shoulders. The blonde streaks are gone and his hair color is now a full raven black. This represents how his mental state has (even if not completely) gotten better, with his appearance being reminiscent of his younger and more innocent self. He even casts aside his black attire for a white shirt and a blue cardigan, which encapsulates how he’s become more at peace and put-together, and is now able to find contentment with the simple things. While he’s still the same person overall, he no longer seeks out violence nor does he want or need it just to feel something.

Towa also grows out his hair in Madarame’s Euphoria ending, but here, his hair is now blonde once more. Besides that, he also wears a hoodie with a design that makes it obvious to anyone who sees him that he’s feisty and rebellious, there are also the bandages on his lower torso. This reflects how he has become his younger and hotblooded self once more, with his propensity for violence now more active than passive. But since he’s no longer bound to Shinkoumi and his memories in it, he has remodeled both his identity and his love for pain, and he has become someone who always seeks to feel excitement and the rush and thrill of a fight or a beating.

Towa’s Past, and What They Know

Taku knows plenty of sordid details about Towa’s past, but just to be clear, he doesn’t know everything. He has no idea that Sakaki is complicit in Maya’s dastardly plans. Sure, he gets wary whenever Towa gets involved with the Takasato-gumi, but his suspicions are always focused on Toono, in particular. If he even had an inkling about Sakaki, a lot of things would have turned out differently.

If one pays attention to the dialogue in his route, Taku only found out the truth about what Maya was doing to Towa after the “accident” where Maya fell down the stairs. We don’t know how he found out, but it is important to remember that it’s only then that Taku discovered what Towa had actually gone through, and it’s exactly because Taku knows how horrifying Towa’s childhood was, that he does everything he can to keep it hidden from Towa.

If he gets caught in the lie, the most he can do is keep Towa from finding out more. Where Fujieda holds the key that allows Towa to finally unlock the doors where his memories stay hidden and repressed, it’s Taku who tries to keep every other key away from notice and from reach.

While he accuses Taku of being dishonest and secretive, Madarame is the pot calling the kettle black. As revealed in Fujieda’s route, Madarame also knows a lot about Towa’s past, and knows enough that he can even pinpoint to Towa where Euphoria was, so it’s safe to assume that he also knows what happened to Towa during his time in that wretched mansion.

However, what’s interesting with Madarame is that in his own route, he doesn’t tell Towa what he knows; but in Fujieda’s route, he gives Towa a hint.

We already know why Taku opted to not tell Towa anything, On the other hand, we’re left to guess why Madarame changes his gears from saying nothing to dropping some clues. It’s at least obvious that he didn’t do it out of altruism, so that makes it highly likely that he either withdraws or reveals the truth only because he felt he had something to gain from it.

Now, this is just my speculation, but I think he did either with the same goal in mind: to distress Towa in such a way that it will drive a wedge between him and the others. I’ll expound on this later on in another topic.

Taku and Madarame, Mei and Maya

Because I was apprehensive about saying or even analyzing any more about Madarame due to the thought that I might end up coming across as if I’m dragging him, it took until buzzin_buzzard’s tweet for me to fully acknowledge the similarities that could be found between Madarame and Maya, of all people. I summed it up in TV Tropes, but I’ll go into more detail for this meta.

I made a meta from before where I briefly likened Taku to Mei, since they’re both the only figures from Towa’s childhood who showed him kindness and made him feel safe, even if only for a short while. The key difference between Taku and Mei was that Mei knew exactly what Towa was going through (since she was in a similar situation herself) whereas Taku had no idea what was happening at the time. Nevertheless, they were the only two people who were not out to harm Towa, because everyone else hurt him, whether it was intentional or whether it was because they were coerced into the act (i.e. Ikuina and Asakura).

Both also helped throw a wrench in Maya’s plans. Mei told Towa that he had to get away from his mother. Their attempt to escape may have ultimately failed, but that event still left an impact on him because that small taste of freedom allowed him to realize what could be waiting for him beyond the opulent halls of the mansion, and especially because of what he would eventually find out with regards to what Maya did to Mei in retaliation. When Towa learned exactly why Mei died, he summoned the will to defy Maya for the very first (and only) time, and it led to what would eventually be Maya’s demise.

However, just because she died doesn’t mean she’s gone, not with her final order to Sakaki. Unfortunately for both the mastermind and the adjutant, the trauma of the incident stripped Towa of his memories, which waylays their plans. And Taku (unwittingly) makes sure it stays that way by never letting Towa remember his childhood and letting him live in ignorant bliss. Of course, it’s not all good; the damaging trauma of Towa’s childhood had already left his mark, resulting in his hedonistic and masochistic tendencies. Still, without the recollection of his childhood, Maya’s plan is left at an impasse, and it will stay that way in Taku, Rei and Madarame’s routes.

Now, this is the part that I was afraid of talking about the most, but if you take a moment to think about it, Madarame and Maya mirror each other to some degree. Madarame is so physically strong that nothing and no one can beat him, but that’s why he gets bored so easily. Maya was a master manipulator and can control anyone she set her sights on, but deep down, she felt isolated and her psychopathy did nothing to sate her loneliness.

This is where Towa/Haruto steps in.

As Madarame states outright in his route, he feels that only Towa can give him the exhilaration he wants yet can’t find with anything and anyone else, and that only Towa can understand his bloodlust and his love for pain.

You are the only person in the world who I consider my match. You want what I want. You feel what I feel. With you, I'll never be bored. And you feel the same way, don’t you?

With Maya, there is the very fact that she wanted Towa to follow in her footsteps both literally and figuratively. One likely reason is that this is also her way of ensuring that her legacy will go on. Another possible explanation is that Maya believed if there was one other person who acts and thinks the way she did, life won’t be so forlorn anymore.

In her last recorded message: I asked Sakaki to fulfill one last request for me. I asked him to help you find true happiness in my place, and to make sure that you’d become my successor.

Madarame isn’t the most expressive kind of person, but it doesn’t automatically mean he’s as emotionally stunted as Maya was. He just has a very good rein on his emotions, and even if he’s very unconventional about it, his love for Towa (even if it’s only to a certain kind of Towa) is sincere. Maya - even if she could perfectly emulate both affection and tenderness - felt that she could never love, yet believed that she loved Towa as best (worst) as she could. Her brain is undoubtedly wired wrong (and really, really wrong), but her admission is also undoubtedly a genuine one.

And they both express their love in the only way they knew how: violence. Madarame inflicts it directly by making Towa bruise and bleed whether it’s consensual, nonconsensual, or a bit of both, whereas Maya does it indirectly, letting her clients have their way with Towa, regardless of what they would do to her son. They both think that it’s because Towa/Haruto enjoys it and that it makes him look even more beautiful. Of course, we know that Towa finding arousal in the rough treatment that Madarame gives him reflects how he made himself love pain as a subconscious coping mechanism for all the torture he suffered at Maya’s hands. In Fujieda’s words:

By accepting the trauma others would inflict on you, you desperately cling to the last shreds of your personal autonomy. Cutting yourself was a self-destructive impulse— a punishment for being worthless.

With this, there is the main reason why Taku and Madarame are bound to always be at odds with each other whenever Towa is involved. The reasons are, in essence, similar to the reasons which explain how Mei and Maya contrast each other, especially with regards to Towa.

In Towa’s childhood, Mei was the light in Towa’s life, where Maya was the darkness. Mei was a symbol of purity, hope and innocence, and Maya was essentially corruption in human form, luring and poisoning everyone around her. Because of this, Maya saw Mei as a “toxic influence” in Towa’s life and had her killed. This is hugely ironic since it’s obvious who the real toxic influence is, but anyhow…

Similarly, though it never escalates to murder (if only because Madarame is someone who prefers to beat up someone instead of killing them outright), Madarame still kidnapped Taku, held him hostage, and also threatened him. And if you remember, there is a brief moment in Madarame’s route where he questions why Towa feels the need to cover his eye with a patch, and one should keep in mind that it’s Taku who takes care of Towa’s injuries. This scene alone already sums up their opposing viewpoints to both Towa and to violence. In this case, it’s easy to put Taku in Mei’s position, and Madarame in Maya’s.

This consequently shows the difference in how they’d react if - in a route where neither is the chosen love interest - Towa figures out his past with someone else’s assistance, and what kind of person he could become once he learned enough.

Reaction to Towa’s Growth (in Fujieda’s Route)

Madarame’s presence in Fujieda’s route is very brief, but a lot could be drawn from it nonetheless. Just like in his own route, he holds Taku hostage to draw out Towa. However, the circumstances and the venue are different from before.

Instead of the back of the clinic, they now meet at the outskirts of the Deathmatch Area. Instead of being forced to meet with Madarame in private to ensure Taku’s safety, the entire gang has gathered, all wide awake and conscious with varying awareness of what’s going on. And instead of Madarame telling Towa that Taku is lying to him, Madarame points Towa to his mother’s mansion.

This all culminates in Fujieda and Madarame exchanging blows, and right as the latter is about to land a crippling hit, Towa intervenes halfway to take a hit for Fujieda… which immediately ends the fight since Madarame loses interest then and there.

Why? Let’s recall how the entire scene was narrated.

As Fujieda doubled over, Madarame began to launch another attack.

“Madarame!” Towa rushed over and jumped in between them.

Madarame’s fist grazed Towa’s head as the latter hit the ground, landing on his stomach.

Taku dashed over to Towa’s side. Meanwhile, Rei slowly pushed himself up while gritting his teeth in pain. Fujieda frowned at Towa, then turned his head and glared at Madarame.

However, Madarame seemed to have lost all interest. His arms hung limply at his sides. His self-assured grin was gone, replaced by a pair of cold eyes that stared down at Towa.

“I never knew that you were such a drag.” (Note: Based on the context and the tone that was used, the original JP text of the line「･･････つまらないことをするな、お前」 could also translate to “I never thought you would do something so absurd,” since the word ‘tsumaranai’ can be used to describe something that’s either boring, trivial or foolish.)

Enduring the pain, Towa glared back up at Madarame as he continued kneeling on the ground.

Contrast this to Towa’s reaction in Madarame’s route after he gets confirmation that Taku is keeping secrets from him, just like Madarame warned. This lands the final nail in the coffin for Towa’s belief that he can never return to his old life, which leads him to do this:

Rei, “You’re heading towards the Deathmatch Area! You hate Deathmatches, right? So why are you going there? …To see Madarame?”

Towa remained silent, causing Rei’s brow to furrow deeply. Towa glanced at them, then turned and started walking.

Rei, “Don’t do this, Towa! Why?! Why are you going to him? Don’t go!

Taku, “Towa!”

Towa could hear their anguished screams. But as he kept walking, their voices faded into the distance. Their desperation could no longer reach him.

Towa had realized who he truly was, and he was not the kind of person who belonged with them.

He belonged somewhere else.

So back to our original question: why did Madarame suddenly lose interest in the fight? Why did he suddenly decide to not bother with Towa anymore? Because to him, seeing Towa rush in and defend someone else is a sign that Towa had changed too much for his own liking. Sure, Towa showed some spunk in that act, but it was not the kind of spunk he wanted.

Not only that, but the act also indicated that by that point, even the threat of learning more about his past won’t sever any bonds that Towa shares with the other three (Taku, Rei and Fujieda). In other words, Towa will continue to have attachments to his home, or at least some of the people in it. No chance of burning bridges for good and leaving with him. And so, Madarame exits the scene.

Madarame – much like a ghost – completely fades away from Towa’s life. After he’s informed by Kotarou about what the man is up to next after ambushing the Takasato-gumi, Towa doesn’t bother thinking about him for another second.

And now, let’s talk about Taku. For almost the entire first half of Fujieda’s route, Taku was obstructive and unhelpful because he also feared that Towa would change. But in his case, “change” means the possibility that Towa could never recover from learning the truth—which does happen and nearly ends in the worst-case scenario. Taku had nothing to gain from keeping anything, yet he was willing to risk earning Towa’s anger and resentment by staying silent even as Towa attacked him, chewed him out, and pressed him for answers. And Towa has a very good reason to be pissed at Taku, even if you can see things from the older man’s point of view.

However, it should be made clear that while Taku’s actions were questionable, they were never once done out of malice or selfishness, which is saying something compared to say, Sakaki. Towa even comes to understand this, which is shown in two instances. One is in this dialogue from when Taku and Rei got patched up after their scuffle with Madarame.

“....Towa?” Taku mumbled. “Are you mad at me?”

Towa looked at him in silence. “Why would I be mad at you?”

“For hiding [the truth] from you.”

“But you only did it because you thought it was for the best, right?”

The other instance is the update in Taku’s entry (from the codex):

I’m sure Taku had his reasons

When Towa manages to conquer his trauma in the good ending, Taku expresses relief and is even proud of Towa for it, acknowledging that Towa has truly matured and changed for the better with a smile on his face. In turn, Towa expresses his appreciation towards Taku, and it’s clear by then that their relationship has completely mended.

Taku: All this time, I was scared of you getting hurt. So instead, I figured you were better off not knowing anything at all. But you were stronger than that. You remembered your past, overcame it, and then you came back. It's clear to me now... You just aren't the same little kid you used to be.

Towa: Well, obviously. But I couldn't have done it alone... Turns out, there is value in connecting with people. I just could never see it.

Taku: What do you mean?

Towa: What I mean is... I wouldn't be standing here today without every single person in my life.

Taku: … I’m amazed you just said that. Now I can see for myself– you’ve actually overcome it. I can’t describe how relieved I am.

With this, in contrast to Madarame, Taku remains an important figure in Towa’s life. In Volume 4 of the AfterStory drama CD, Towa takes the initiative to thank Fujieda for getting Taku exonerated and released early. In another scene, Taku confides to Fujieda about everything that happened before capping off by saying that he trusts Fujieda to look after Towa. Even when the story takes another path such that their relationship remains platonic, it nevertheless is a deep and important one for them both.

Closing Remarks

Now that I think about it, the only reason the Taku vs. Sakaki meta is a bit shorter than I expected is because I had to make it fit into Twitter’s format. Had it occurred to me back then to just upload it all on Google Docs, I would have gone all out with comparing those two (note to revamp that meta later on, R.I.P. me).

I admit that I’m biased towards Taku because he’s just one fascinating character all around, combined with the fact that he can serve as a foil or a mirror character two at least three other people who are connected to Towa’s past for a multitude of reasons– which fortifies my opinion that Taku would also make for an excellent “true” love interest besides Fujieda.

At the same time, it’s also fun to try and analyze Madarame even if, at the end of the day, many things about him remain an enigma despite the fact that everything about him is supposed to be already on the surface. And without a translation of his AfterStory drama CD, a lot of things about him will remain a myth for me.

Once again, if it sounds like I was insulting Madarame in this meta, I was not. Either way, sorry in advance and please don’t kill me. ^^;

#slow damage #fen writes meta

201 notes · View notes

bestieriker · 8 months

Text

i have thoughts about the pjo tv show but they might not be beloved... (long post, mostly just for myself but feel free to read my thoughts) (also lmk your thoughts! im curious if my experiences are universal) (also obv spoilers for ep8)

now i recognize i am watching this show through the lens of a much older person than i was when i read the books. percy is no longer older than me - he is now just a baby to me. and the actors are so young. so that might be the cause of some of my feelings. also i realize that a tv adaption is not going to be identical to the book. but what is tumblr if not a place to vent my frustrations, despite how irrational they may be?

i'll start with the good because there were some things i liked. i thought the actors mostly did a good job. the effects and sets and lighting and design was all very good, visually i think it was great. i like the gods i think theyre mostly well cast. I don't really have many problems with grover.

ok now lets talk about my frustrations. this isn't going to be super organized or logical. first of all, i had a problem with the characterization. most characters were actually not bad, but percy didn't really feel like percy to me. he seemed kinda darker? (whats he gonna be like when its dark!percy time??). like book percy obviously was not happy all the time, but he seemed light and he made jokes and he was a little goofier and i feel like in my mind he smiled more. tv percy kinda just seems sad all the time. and this might be a controversial take, but i feel like they gave some of percy's best traits to annabeth?? like annabeth was the one beefing with ares the most when he showed up. and a lot of the time she'd have a line that seemed so percy like!!! don't get me wrong - i love annabeth and the actress did a really great job! but i feel like she was kinda percy and annabeth at the same time in a way. i missed percy. also hades was different. they made hades fun which is cute but in the first book at least hes supposed to be kinda scary!!! i wasn't scared of hades at all. hades seems like he'd be a fun drinking buddy in this. those aren't the vibes hades should have, at least not at the first meeting.

ok next!!! where is the fun. pjo was such a fun series and i feel like the show has taken on more of a darker outlook! again i realize its a tv show and it was only an 8 ep run so they probably had time constraints, but i miss the fun little scenes that make the books such a fun read! like the "say hello to the poodle" scene ? or the scene where they're telling charon they died in a bathtub? and don't even get me started on the Crusty's bed scene. they just breezed right through that!!!

and thats another thing!!!! in the book they kept figuring things out while they were in the thick of it. which was fine!!! especially for percy - hes brand new to all of this, he has some knowledge but he makes mistakes because he's a kid and he is in a brand new world! and we get to see him and annabeth and grover get out of these tricky situations and figure things out!!! but in the show they know everything basically instantly. like the lotus casino or crustys scheme. i like seeing them make mistakes and fix it!! i don't think i was ever stressed watching this show (good stressed, like suspense stress) which i guess is in part because ive read the books but also because they were never in too terrible a position. and the kronos thing!!! percy knew right away. he was like oh word big pit? must be kronos. he did everything. like that is way too quick for early percy.

and then this is just me being nitpicky but i don't like how they changed things. like the luke betrayal reveal? where was the scorpion. that was so iconic and they just completely scrapped it! i thought it made luke's character kinda scary! like this guy fully just summoned a scorpion to kill percy. instead in the show hes like swinging at percy and percy manages to hurt him. i'm not scared of this luke. young percy, away from the sea, manages to hurt him? little annabeth scares him off? he runs away? ok big man try showing up again we won't be scared. idk it frustrates me.

one more thing before i wrap up the longest (and only) post i've made in ages. Sally Jackson using Medusa's head to turn gabe to stone was SO iconic. and what a great way for her to show us and the world and the gods how powerful she is. like she went from being sally jackson, mother and protector of percy (who was already pretty sick) to Sally Jackson, Capable of Basically Murder in a Super Cool Way!!!!!! i loved that. but in the show they just have gabe snooping and accidentally getting turned to stone? if i had never read the books and was watching this show with no knowledge of the books, i'd think it was just kinda a lazy way to wrap up a loose end. kinda felt like they took sally's power away (i know she divorced him but it doesn't really have the same gravitas).

ok i do have other thoughts but this is so long already and its bedtime. is it weird that i'm worried the younger cast might come across this? they probably won't care what i have to say but incase they do come across my super long post and read it (i would if i was 15 and starred in a show with a built in fanbase), i hope they take it with the biggest grain of salt. bc at the end of the day people like the show, its profitable (i assume), and i'm just a cranky old lady who doesn't like change. most of the changes i understand why they did it and i respect it. i'm just venting here. and you know what? if they release a second season (and third and fourth and fifth) i will be watching.

i guess i just wish they maybe had more episodes, or longer episodes, so they didn't have to rush it as much as (i felt) they did. overall it made people happy so who cares. have a good night tumblr.

#percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo tv show #pjo series #pjo spoilers #annabeth chase #grover underwood

27 notes · View notes

sapphyreopal5 · 6 months

Note

I’ve noticed a lot of the fandom attacking Jensen all because a character on the show 9-1-1 was revealed to be bisexual and people are saying that’s Jensen’s a coward and a homophobe which I don’t believe because he was willing to do a sex scene with Tony Starr before they changed the storyline, but Jensen’s homophobic because he didn’t want his canonically straight character to kiss Mr. Chapped Lips? How does that make sense? I was just curious if you had an opinion about this

Hello Anon, thank you for the ask :) Mr. Chapped Lips, HA love it! People have been calling Jensen homophobic for years now unfortunately. This clip from Asylum 3 back in 2009 shows him saying "You know, I would say yes, but then Brokeback Mountain came out, and my desire to do a cowboy film completely tanked" when someone asked if he'd like to do a cowboy movie. In 2013, he also essentially stated in this clip he's going to pretend he doesn't know what the question was when someone was asking a question (partially asked, mind you) starting with "I love your character becoming more comfortable with himself this season. I'm bisexual and I have noticed some possible subtext that you might be..." to which he started off with saying "I'm thoroughly confused" and essentially shoos off the question... It is possible this Jensen receipts Twitter account is a Destiel account (seems to me it is) but the clips do show what was said at different conventions to show you why people believe Jensen Ackles is homophobic.

Of course, us logical people who DID watch the show know it is NOT canon for Dean to be homosexual at all. Why Misha calls it a love confession, pandering to the loud members of the Destiel shippers crowd is 'cause $$$ I found the above GIFs from this post here but thought I'd have the GIFs on here for VISUAL purposes, so these people can have a direct point of reference staring them right in the face. The episodes in question that post mentions where Dean specifically says he's straight in his own quirky ways are Croatoan (Season 2, Episode 9), Jus in Bello (Season 3, Episode 12), and Live Free or Twihard (Season 6, Episode 5). Of course, I don't agree with the original poster this was merely because he was "in danger" and stressed out from it. He likely went with the gay couple scenario with Sam in Bugs (Season 1, Episode 8) as to not "cause waves" with potentially buying a house keep attention elsewhere as far as not looking suspicious with investigating.

As far as the said scene he was going to do with Antony Starr prior to the changing of the story line, I am assuming it is this you're talking about that is in the original comics. I see the show changed it so that Homelander is in fact Soldier Boy's son, which makes sense as to why he refused to do the scene. Instead, we got the "Herogasm" episode in season 3. Now as for why the script changed from the original comics to this episode, I don't know.

My overall opinion is, Jensen is probably tired of people talking about Destiel. It's not canon to the show period. Also, do people realize what phobes are? Genuine yet extreme fears. It is one thing to not like something or to have prejudices or discriminate against something, but it's another to fear it. To differentiate between these things, I am linking this website here and also copy and pasted the chart included in it for visual references. To discriminate is to deny rights, privileges and opportunities to members of a particular group. To have prejudice against something is to have an unfair and unreasonable feeling or opinion of something often formed without enough knowledge or thought. Having a phobia means to have an extreme, irrational, fear of something that may cause a person to panic and is described as being a type of anxiety disorder. Now, does Jensen actively fear or straight up avoid gay people or Destiel fans? No. He has still signed things or taken photographs with Destiel fans over the years, despite saying Destiel doesn't exist multiple times. Maybe not with the biggest smile in the world about it but he has not denied taking photos with any of them or complained hardcore about it.

I said in another post it's possible Jensen is not straight but is bi leaning more towards women. However, I do not believe he will act upon this as far as being in a relationship with anyone who isn't a woman (despite the fact he's still currently married to Elta). As far as a recent clip I saw floating around somewhere that a Destiel fan was told they couldn't ask their question about Destiel (despite Misha saying they can ask), I say that this causes unnecessary controversy and that Creation wants to keep things pleasant for everyone. Destiel fans are straight up too aggressive and pushy about making their ship canon and reality for several years now, despite Jensen and others saying no it isn't. If Jensen were to kiss any man, it honestly would not be Misha. Sorry not sorry here...

Thanks for the ask Anon.

#anti destiel #anti hellers #anti jensen hate

16 notes · View notes

gleefullypolin · 5 months

Note

Bridgerton therapy, indeed.

He's a self declared gentleman and he's been writing her letters without courting her for how long now? Seeking her out? Whether or not he's ignorant of how that might look to her, he's very much benefitting from her attentions and I think he will have felt the sting of not having it quite a bit. It's unintentional on his end but he's given her the worst whiplash a few times. He is definitely the flower to her gardener in that relationship and she really does tend to him so well.

I once saw someone say that Penelope had much more in common with Anthony than Colin and as an abstract, I can see it in a way. But I don't think abstracts are where love stories lay, tbh. Both of them being the third born, Colin with no expectations and Penelope with no attention would have far more in common to me and that's disregarding them both being writers. Adding that in gives so many more additional layers to their relationship, layers I don't think can be easily hand waved away either.

I really do enjoy the added elements of the show vs the book, I think there's a lot of expectations people may have of the book when it comes to the new season but in a totally different medium, I can see where it has to be different. I think the inclusion of a suitor for her is a good way to manifest the yearning Colin will go through--not because he's only going to see her romantically out of seeing with her someone else since I think the seeds have been there the whole time but because with the changes they already made to their storyline (the not courting her line and constant reminders from him to her of friendship), the audience needs to see him, visually, yearn and go through jealousy. I know a lot of people are both longing for and hating the idea of him going through some sort of "groveling" but I don't think that's the goal of it, I think it's for him to finally understand why the idea of life without her, when he cannot neatly place her in the platonic friend box, in unacceptable to him.

They've already shown us that he's missing something without her, he misses her when she won't even write to him while he's gone, how is he going to handle when she's married and gone from his life completely?

(to be very honest, I can never remember what Debling looks like other than a plot device, haha)

Oh I agree, I don't necessarily think it's going to endear him to anyone and I think that the rumors are vastly exaggerated but I also think if he comes in with the pastel blues and his boyish cheeks, lacking experience the audience isn't going to buy him as a serious contender to Penelope's Lord Debling. Seeing him flirt and be charming and, yes, even a scene of him leaving a woman's bed, etc, will be vital for the general audience to see that is very much a man now. A boy on his knees for a girl would be called infatuation. A man on his knees for a woman won't be considered anything less than love.

I just realized how overly wordy I am, sorry for that!

The other day I was playing stories in my head, as I often do, and I laughed to myself playing this in my head between Eloise and Colin.

“This plot of yours to marry Penelope off is quite flawed, brother.” Eloise stared intently at her brother, glaring at him with an irksome grimace on her face.

“And why is that? It’s working quite splendidly if I don’t say so myself. Debling seems quite enthralled with her.” Colin dismissed his sister and turned back to his reading.

“What ever will the two of you do once she is married? With no one to care about your travels or respond to your letters, you’ll be bored and lonely.”

Colin looked up at her in confusion. “I’m sure Pen will have plenty of time to hear all about Greece.”

Eloise voice sounded with a tort laugh laced with a scolding tone. “Brother, you wouldn’t dare continue to behave in such an ungentlemanly way with a married woman.”

“But it’s Pen, surely she would continue to want to hear…” he started before she cut him off, her finger in his face, admonishing him in anger.

“She would be a married woman, Colin. Your travels would be none of her concern. Once she is married, she will have her own travels with her own husband to worry about. For all you know, she may move to Spain once she is wed. You would be wise to remember that before you carry on with this behavior.”

“Move to Spain!” He exclaimed, wide eyed. “Pen would never, she could not, would not do such a…” His mouth opened, then shut as he thought about the possibilities. Did he really know Lord Debling’s intentions? Why did he even think he had a say in what would happen with Pen after her suitor laid claim on her.

Laid claim on her? On his Pen? His Penelope? Someone was to claim her and take her away from him?

“Flawed.” Eloise said with a smug look on her face, leaving Colin to contemplate why suddenly he hated everything about his ridiculous plan.

Ok sorry I don’t know where that came from, I don’t write fanfiction for Bridgerton but that was kind of fun to get out of my head. Oh how I need Eloise to come back into play in the story. I need someone to point out how silly he’s being.

I don’t even care who it is. Eloise, Benedict, Hyacinth. Just someone to whack him in the head and go, oh hey yeah that might not be a friendly thing to be thinking about your “friend”. Hahaha!

But I digress and got lost there for a moment, where were we?

Anthony, interesting to see the Anthony/Colin comparison. I can see the abstract as far as the commonality in how they feel the need to take care of everyone. Anthony as the head of the family, Penelope in the shadows taking care of everyone as LW. But beyond that you are correct, abstracts are not where love stories lie.

I’m so very curious honestly how adding Eloise knowledge of LW changes the show. Because that was huge in story changes from the book.

Obviously Colin still needs to find out because if he doesn’t that changes everything so I’m looking forward to that reveal but what does it do for Eloise and Penelope because that was a huge part of her relationship and character and its huge to Colin as well so the foundation there is big. Even bigger than Debling and what that does because I truly believe the “Debling” of it all is gone by Part 2. (Debling honestly just looks like Ewan McGregor woke up and decided to be in Bridgerton) take it or leave it. I’m sure he’ll be nice for someone one day. lol

I think this idea of groveling won’t really be in the form of begging for forgiveness because lets be honest, the girl would forgive him anyway. She loves the hell out of him and forgives him by episode 2. The groveling will be in the form of him suffering his own feelings. His waking up to realizing holy hell she’s a goddess and I didn’t realize it and look at what I had and why is she not looking at me. And I hope she lets him linger in that for a moment because she earned that.

And she would love him in blue and pastels and she will love him in his pirate costume (Because damn who wont) and at the end of the day with the smoldering way he’s staring at her all season, she will be remiss to not notice the boy grew into a man but imagine her surprise when all his looks, all his stares are right at her. As she is being courted and danced with at balls, there is a man standing at the edge of the ballroom, with a look JUST for her! That girl is NOT ready!

Holy hell I think I beat you in wordy!!! I think we both get carried away with these 2! Sorry not sorry!

#my asks #wonderful people

0 notes

chaya-mga2022mi6011 · 8 months

Text

Answering a Few Questions

What do I want to do after completing the degree?

I've always aimed to become a Visual Development Artist after completing my degree, but after having the opportunity to work as an Illustrator at Koko, over the last 3 months, I have developed a newfound passion for becoming an Illustrator. Since I've been having a difficult time trying to choose between the two, I decided that I will be focusing on my final major project for MI6021 from the standpoint of a visual development artist, and for this module, MI6011, I will be working on it from the standpoint of an illustrator.

First, to get a better idea, what's the different between a visual development artist and an Illustrator?

Visual development artists and illustrators both work in the realm of visual art, but they have different roles.

Illustrators are artists who use their skills in design, art, and creativity to create visual images. These images can be used in a variety of mediums, including Magazines, Books, Advertisements, Posters, Greeting cards, Medical materials, Children's books, Websites, Technical designs, and Fashion design.

Illustrators use their skills to communicate ideas and stories through their images. They can understand and reinterpret a text, and then communicate it through their illustrations.

Visual development artists, on the other hand, use research and story to establish the look of a film, character, or world. They may work in a variety of roles, including animator, art director, lighting artist, prop artist, and costume designer.

What do I want to be known for?

I want to create narratives and illustrations that not only creatively inspire today’s children but also share an important message and leave a lasting legacy, remembered by generations to come.

What ideas have I been yearning to bring into the world?

I want to create something that’s not only fun but also carries a deeper message, and I think it’s crucial to present these ideas in a way that also makes sense to kids. Making complex concepts easy for them to understand is a big part of what I want to bring to the world.

So, it won’t be just about providing entertainment but also about instilling values, sparking curiosity, and inspiring creativity.

What am I good at? What are my strong suits?

I’d say I’m comfortable with both digital and traditional art. When it comes to digital art, I lean more towards 2D work, where I enjoy painting environments, props, lighting, and setting the mood for a scene. And when it comes to traditional art or mixed media, I’d say my go-to strengths are watercolor painting, crafting with clay, and drawing with ink pen.

So, for my project, I’m thinking of combining both digital and traditional/mixed media aspects to showcase the range of skills I’ve picked up along my creative journey. I want the project to showcase all of the techniques and styles that I enjoy working with.

What am I the most passionate about?

I love telling stories through illustrations and capturing moments and emotions in a way that speaks to people.

After last year’s mixed media module, I realized that I’m also passionate about experimenting with different art mediums and techniques. It keeps things interesting and gives me a chance to look away from the screen and touch paper once in a while, which is nice.

What kind of project would help me to demonstrate all of the skills I’ve learned so far?

Definitely a project with a mix of all digital art, traditional art, and mixed media– a bit of everything. I’d love to create something that’s not just entertaining but also carries a good message, simplified in a way that clicks with anyone and makes it easy for anyone to grasp important ideas.

0 notes

kitkatt0430 · 9 months

Note

🤔🐌💥🛏️

🤔 Are there any new characters you want to write about?

I've been really getting into Tomb Raider again lately, so I might write something about Lara or one of her friends. Sam especially seems interesting to me - the truth about Himiko and Yamatai were certainly just as traumatic for her to learn about as they were for Lara (albeit in different ways) and it's got to be hard for her to square the childhood stories that were probably like fairy tales to the truth that nearly led to her being body-snatched.

I'm also really enjoying some of the silly 'Villainess' themed mangas and anime right now - 7th Time Loop and My Next Life as a Villainess are both turning out to be really funny in particular. It might be fun to write something about Catarina (from the latter series) - I really like the idea that she's demi-romantic and that's part of the reason she's super oblivious to the fact that everyone has fallen in love with her. It's not just her obsession with sweets (her true OTP, tasty sweets all hers to eat) or her fixation on avoiding 'doom flags'.

🐌 What is one of your smallest writing goals?

Pay better attention to how I'm feeling so I don't burn myself out. This was a pretty stressful year for me between the year starting with a hole in my hallway ceiling, the wasps that were basically a yearlong thing, and the home reno (with the walk in closet addition that took three tries for the wall to go up in the right place -_- ) and I didn't really realize how much a toll that was taking on my creative side until Flufftober arrived and I just... completely lacked the energy or drive to really participate. Since I still have a (much smaller) home reno project in mind for 2024, I want to do a better job of identifying when I need to slow down and do a bit more self care. Right now I'm focusing on some non-writing projects to kind of help myself reboot. I'm not avoiding writing, but I'm not pushing myself to get back into it right now.

... hmmm, not sure if this is actually a small goal or not now that I've written it down. But it's something I kinda struggle with towards the end of every year and hit me both harder and earlier this year so it is really important to me to find a better balance. (Also need to actually use my SAD lamps more, I think that factors in too...)

💥Is there a chapter, scene, or WIP you're most excited to write? Share a snippet or tell us about it!

So I'd love to share something specific about my Eobard vs Eobard series but I don't wanna give spoilers either. Suffice it to say that Eo (Hero edition) is very oblivious about a few things that everyone - Meloni, Gideon, Robern, and even Barry - figure out before him. (You know he's being particularly oblivious about something if Barry figures it out first, am I right?)

But that's also a few stories away; the next fic in the series is going to be Barry and Eo vs ... I'm not sure yet. Eobard will intend to stay out of the fight at first but when Barry's hurt it makes Eo change his mind something sharpish. It'll have Eobard and Barry's first kiss, but also Eowells getting the first clue that Herobard may be a time traveler too.

🛏 Is there a new trope you'd like to write this year?

Something LitRPG-ish. I shared the idea not too long ago of Iris getting Isekai-ed into her favorite visual novel/dating sim and it'd be a lot of fun to write that one. And also I think she deserves her own little harem of cute guys and gals :D

#kitkatt0430 answers #writer ask game #new years ask game

1 note · View note

maihan-dms4-journal · 1 year

Text

Week 6

This week, I continue working on the iterations and refining process. As I worked on different iterations, the uncanny state started to appear more and the technical aspects made more sense. Yet, there is still a lot of refining before it forms a complete version.

I have changed the glimpse (video installation) project to the BPD project as this new project also does video projection and aligns with my interest in theatre works.

Project 1 - uncanny (Capitol Theatre):

Reflection:

Maintaining the engagement or the attention threshold of the audience is one of the priorities of this project. A structured narrative may interact with the audience better and encourage greater engagement. In my project, I think I can keep the audience's tension by using an open-and-close (open up and collapse) narrative structure.

While trying the articulation between the light and human voice (light following the envelope of the voice), I found that as the soundtrack goes on, the uncanny state starts to lose its effect because the audience is beginning to be familiar with it. The feedback that I got for this is to flip the technique, meaning using the voice to 'push back' the light (instead of the light turn on to the envelope of the voice, make the light turn off to the voice).

Research:

Spatial immersion versus emotional immersion, which is more immersive?

Spatial immersion is an antecedent process immediately followed by emotional immersion, i.e. people firstly feel “bodily presence” into the scene, and then are emotionally empathized and cognitively identified with character. And this identification process further reinforces the feeling of transportation. This also suggests that emotional immersion is a higher level immersion above spatial immersion, i.e. being spatially immersed does not necessarily mean one is emotionally immersed, yet emotional immersion is always on the premise of spatial immersion. In other words, identification always incorporates elaborated transportation. (Zhang, Perkis and Arndt, 2017)

Emotional immersion induces the identification process of the audience, which makes the audience empathize with the story, and further reinforces the feeling of transportation (spatial immersion).

For spatial content, realism and fidelity factors are one of the most important quality metrics for the evaluation of spatial immersion. (Zhang, Hoel, Perkis and Zadtootaghaj 2018).

The human brain is familiar with interpreting cues (visual and audio) from our surroundings to make sense of the situations. Realistic elements with slight fidelity factors create a sense of spatial immersion, which could familiarize the audience with the environment or question their sense of place.

Project progress:

I have tried to map out the light to follow the envelope of the human voice and it worked well in evoking a sense of unease. However, after some time they became quite boring as the audience became familiarized with them.

I also tried out the subversion of that technique, which is to make the light turn off to the voice (the light stays on when there's no sound). It worked as it created a sense of confusion, which I think could also be an element of surprise within the audience.

For the soundtrack, I added some more reverb to give a sense of open-up and collapse, especially during the solo instrument (the wind rumble part).

As this week I haven't been able to test out the lighting color in the Capitol, I am still not sure if the color combination works. For the next step, I will try out different color pairs to test in the Capitol and also start exploring more with the roof light.

Project 2 - BPD project (Video Projection)

Reflection:

The meeting with Jonno and the given visual provocations have cleared out the direction for my visual development. I realized my initial understanding and interpretation of the show was too negative or too positive, while the show's idea is the neutral aspect of surviving the condition.

The video prototype that I showed was leaning toward the surreal state, which I think should be avoided in this project. The feedback that I got for this is the visual could be less mysterious and maybe more toward the realism to induce empathy.

Research:

Dumb Type

youtube

As I wasn't very familiar with contemporary performance, I researched shows that incorporated both projection mapping (visual projection on screens) and movements to convey meaning. This play used abstract and strobing visuals to evoke a sense of urgency and I think adding overwhelming pace to the narrative. The example gave me a bit of understanding of how to develop the visual for the projection mapping.

Project progress:

After being given more materials, I started to explore the development process of the project to understand my further direction.

I have tried to draft out some ideation regarding the visual provocations, and then begin to build up or narrow down to a clearer concept.

My ideation for now from the point ‘switch goes on/off’ and ‘shatters everything’, I think we could map the shards (maybe project some real-life footage on it) to slowly fade in and out at different places on the stage.

Hopefully, in the next meeting (on Tuesday), I could show some iterations for that idea and see how it will evolve.

Project 3: Upside Down People:

Reflection:

The project, as of now, I think is still a little vague as we still haven't met the production team, and also the fact that this week the Capitol wasn't available so I couldn't try out the lighting color and movements.

Project Progress:

This week, I'm continuing to work on the opening sequence of the performance and creating more iterations of different color palettes to see how it goes.

For the next step, I think I will continue to refine the lighting according to the next session in the Capitol and start to build up the lighting for the next scenes.

0 notes

angelswithscalywings · 3 years

Text

Angels with Scaly Wings Sequel slated for 2023

It's official: My next visual novel is going to be "Angels with Scaly Wings, part 2".

Alluded to in last year's April Fool's Day post, as well as the teaser we released last month, this reveal finally makes official what some of you may have already suspected.

Taking place 4 years after the events of Angels with Scaly Wings' True Ending, a murder threatens to upset the delicate balance between the 3 cities of the new world.

Today marks AwSW's 5th anniversary, and as such I believe it is time to elaborate a little on the history of the sequel and where we stand today.

It really started during the development of AwSW. While writing the story, I would get many ideas about events and things that could happen to characters and the world in the future. I wrote down all of those ideas, and as development progressed these ideas started forming into an overarching story.

By the time we neared release for AwSW, I knew I wanted to create that sequel if I would be given the opportunity. The only question for me was whether AwSW would be successful enough to make this possible.

That is how the secret ending came into play. Would I not be able to create the sequel, the true ending would still be a good place to end the story, while the secret ending could tease what was to come if I was able to contiue and make another game.

Ultimately, Angels with Scaly Wings was planned as one, big story. When AwSW finally released, the first scene and events of the true ending for the sequel were already known to me, and work on the sequel commenced almost immediately.

The story became bigger and bigger, and I eventually realized this game would take a very long time to make.

That's where Angels with Broken Hearts (our webcomic taking place in the world of AwSW) came in. I was looking for a good way to elaborate on the world and characters of AwSW that I felt needed to be introduced to players to provide important context before playing the sequel - as carrying the story of the sequel was a big enough task on its own.

Since the game would take place in the new world, Reza's chapters in particular were a necessity so players would have the opportunity to know more about the human world and Reza's story - though of course other chapters of AwBH also play their part and not just Reza's.

Between this, a japanese translation and the console ports, my attention unfortunately became somewhat unfocused in order to make all of these things happen - further slowing the work on the sequel.

For this game, we are aiming for improvements on all fronts, meaning a lot more people to be involved (and assets to be created).

As of today, the various aspects are in very different states of completion, with music, backgrounds and character designs being mostly done - while others such as programming and CGs haven't been given much attention yet.

I am very confident in the people who are working on this game to raise the bar - and you will definitely be able to spot a number of familiar names in the credits as well.

We expect Angels with Scaly Wings, part 2 will release at some point in 2023 (hopefully sooner rather than later). When you eventually get the chance to play it, the amount of time to get through should be significantly higher compared to AwSW due to the sheer amount of content.

I don't think I can express in words how important the world and story of AwSW are to me - especially in light of all the lovely messages and reviews I have received about how much this story has meant to players.

I am very much looking forward to share this next chapter of Angels with Scaly Wings with you. Unfortunately, you will have to wait a while longer as many more days of work are ahead of us until this is possible.

However, with these news finally unveiled, I will also be able to start talking about the next game in more detail and share various pieces in blog posts just like this one throughout the year.

44 notes · View notes

dimonds456 · 4 years

Text

Gem Steven’s gem is flipped upside-down. (Theory/Speculation time!)

SPOILERS FOR @spudinacup’s SU AU “Gone Wrong”!

Also WARNING: long post!

So recently, someone pointed out that Steven has a scar on his torso going across his gem’s location, which I found interesting in and of itself. Makes sense, since he wasn’t able to heal it since he DIED and his gem was shoved out of his body before it got the chance to heal him. That slash mark is there now. Wow, neat! Nice detai-

Wait.

Hold on a sec.

Is his gem... flipped upside-down? Well, it’s been like this for a while, maybe it’s just a creative choi-

...oh.

This is VERY intentional.

So I did some digging, and found much more symbolism and possible foreshadowing, and now I want to throw out my theory about Gem Steven here, including his potential arc and character development. I’ll try to keep everything brief while still blowing your minds, and I’ll try to get across what my jumbled mind has come up with.

Spud please notice me.

I will not be uploading photos to go with everything I say (go reread the comic after this and verify for yourself what all I’ve said), but I’ll show visuals when they’re necessary. I do not claim ANY of this art as mine (I wish my art was this good ;u; ), all of it belongs to Spudinacup and their SU AU, which has all kinds of hidden symbolism, foreshadowing, and visual cues we haven’t picked up on yet, as I’ve just learned while researching this theory. This ain’t your run-of-the-mill AU, everything in here is intentional. Scott Spud doesn’t do coincidences. So I’ll point out that stuff in screenshots.

Okay let’s go.

SO! To begin with, let’s talk about why his gem may have flipped, and to realize that, we have to know when. We don’t see the gem much, but we do see it constantly through Chapter 1, where it is normal. The pentagon is pointed upward. However, in Chapter 2, this is where we see it flipped upside down. When did that happen? We didn’t see it. I believe it happened in that first scene in the bathroom, right after we left. The butterflies were swarming angrily, and Steven was very lost in thought.

Notice whenever those butterflies appear. They seem to show up every time he thinks about who he is. Is he still Steven, or is he someone else now? Steven is dead. Everyone is mourning him, trying to heal him, but Gem is still here. So if Steven is dead, but Gem is still alive, that must mean he isn’t Steven then, right? But then that undoes everything we learned in “Change Your Mind.” He IS Steven. He’s always been Steven. But that’s when they were together...

...And so the butterflies swarm.

Notice how the first one shows up when he looks at himself in the mirror. When you look in a mirror, you should see yourself, right? But who IS he? In the show, butterflies represent thoughts and ideas, mostly dark ones, disturbing ones, or ones you don’t want to think about. Well, he already spent WAY too long proving who he was, so now to do it again sucks.

But he isn’t Steven anymore. He’s on the couch being mourned. But he’s already proved he IS Steven before, and it’s this uncertainty that is making his mind swirl. I believe this is why he flipped his gem. Just upside-down, so it’s a small thing no one will notice, while he tries to figure it out. In doing so, he’s separated himself from “Steven”, as they’re not one and the same anymore, and the flipped gem shows this. He’s someone else right now. Maybe. He’s not sure.

So what do we call you for right now? Steven. He already proved he was Steven, so until he’s proved otherwise, Steven it is. Now he just has to figure out what exactly that name means and wether or not he still fits that quota.

Flipped gem/Pink Diamond imagery is EVERYWHERE, mostly hidden in drastic shadows or in panels. It’s things you don’t notice at first, until they’re staring you in the face. See if you can spot them from the 3 screenshots below.

There’s probably more hidden throughout the comic, these are just the ones I’ve found that I feel confident enough to show as hard evidence.

So, what does it all mean? We’ll talk about the screenshots in order, left to right.

First, the Diamond is hidden as the panel in the center. In it, Human Steven lies upside down while the gem-panel is technically upside right. This can be interpreted in a few ways, but what that means to me is that something isn’t right here. If you flip Steven back around so he’s upside right, the gem is now upside down. Notice Gem Steven looking towards his human half on the bottom panel there, clutching his shirt over his gem. It’s a motion we’ve seen Steven do a TON throughout the show, anytime he’s thinking about Rose/Pink, who he is, or complicated gem stuff as a whole. Because early on, his identity was always shrouded in shadow. THAT is Steven, on the couch, without his gem. So for Gem Steven to call himself Steven is inaccurate, but also not at the same time. It’s all swarming in his head, and thus, the gem is flipped.

Next, he’s just broken the rejuvenator. This was probably the hardest to spot of the three, but if you look at the panel where Bismuth asks “feel better?” you will see, in the background, a white line cut through the soft pink hues. Look closer. It’s the outline of the gem, but it’s flipped correctly this time. This is because Bismuth seems to be the only person NOT saying Steven is dead, and treating his gem half one and the same. Is she unnerved? Yeah, but who WOULDN’T be? This is still Steven we’re talking about, as emotionally blocked as he is. He’s aware of why everyone is being weird around him, so to see Bismuth trying her best to treat him with familiarity instead of a completely different, new, dangerous stranger is really calming and helps to calm the storm a bit.

Notice the gem is flipped correctly. This is because he feels like Steven right now. Bismuth has been constant confirmation that he is still Steven, no matter the circumstances. Notice how his eyes dialate back to a larger size. They do that a lot in the comic, articulating his emotions without changing the rest of his face. It’s a clever detail to keep track of. His eyes grow more relaxed, dialating bigger when she pats his shoulder, asking if he feels better after destroying the weapon that killed him. It’s a huge relief for him to hear. So, the gem is correct.

Finally, we see Bismuth telling Greg that his son is dead, which is very contradictory to what Bis was saying earlier (in Steven’s eyes). Where is the gem on that frame? Look at Steven’s shadow. There it is, facets and all. To us, the gem is correct, but think about it this way: if Steven were actually replaced with the gem in that frame, what would it look like, Pink’s or White’s? That’s right. The point is coming from his feet, meaning it would look more like White’s, meaning it is back to being flipped upside down. Again, Bismuth just said Steven is dead, meaning he’s back to questioning his whole entire identity. So it’s back to being flipped upside-down.

It seems that the orientation of the symbolic gems hidden throughout panels show quite clearly where his head is at in terms of who he is. If it’s upside down, he’s separating himself from the cold meatball on the couch, whereas when it’s normal/upside right, he is associating himself WITH the cold meatball on the couch.

Notice he’s been grabbing at his gem a lot recently, too, all things he does while in turmoil over who- or WHAT- he is. He cannot heal right now. He can’t use his powers. Some powers are new and unfamiliar (see the more recent pages where Lapis struck out with water and he blocked with those hexagonal shields/walls). “Steven HEALS people.” He can’t, so who is he?

This is something he’ll need to have an answer to by the time the comic is done, and this is a mission for Gem Steven and Gem Steven alone. If his human half were alive (and content without his gem), he’d probably call himself “Steven” no questions asked, since he GOT his answer already, two years ago. But Gem can’t do that, not when everyone keeps drawing all these lines between the two. He needs to learn what being “Steven” means, and know that he is a part of a greater whole, but on his own, he is STILL Steven. Everyone else needs to realize this, too, and stop separating the two. It’s gonna be rough, since it may feel like replacing what they lost, but is it really? It’s going to be a tough road to trek, and I don’t know what anyone’s answer is gonna be (that’s the big mystery here, after all), but I’m here for it.

Remember, all of this has been speculation on what may happen based on facts and clues Spud has presented us with. I’m not claiming to know how Gem Steven’s arc will end, but I am throwing my hat into the ring on where I THINK it will go. Either way, the foreshadowing, symbolism, and unspoken characterizations here have been excellent, and I’m looking forward to seeing everything play out. Spud, your mind is incredible, and whatever you’ve got planned over there, I’m confident the answer will be satisfactory.

I’ll shut up now. Thank you for reading this huge meta post, and go read Spud’s comic. You can find it at @suaugonewrong or on Spud’s Tumblr, which was linked above. If you think I’m wrong or have a counter argument, bring it. Let’s talk, cause this is genuinely interesting and fun to dissect. I wanna talk about it OwO

Thank you. You may now continue scrolling.

2K notes · View notes

jasperygrace · 2 years

Text

May 2022 Mid Monthly Report

Hello hello again! I am back with a proper Mid Monthly Report this time. This month I will be talking about some upcoming projects for this summer, so stick around if you're interested in learning more.

As always, if you're interested in learning more about my WIP Project : Desert, the consider checking out the Masterlist or my Artstation for a more condensed view.

So without further ado, let's begin!

Project Progress

Act One Completion

We are finally done writing Act One of Project : Desert! Good lord did it take a long time, but it's finished and now we are ready to move onto Act Two.

So one of the big things I realize while writing Draft 1 - Act 1 was just how demanding it was. I'm no stranger to writing, but this is the first time I've written something as big as Project : Desert. In the past, I've only ever written short stories and various forms of flash fiction, so moving up to a project as big as this is just... it's really something. And it's fun-- I'm excited to see how the story will play out, but I need to develop better writing habits if I'm going to see the completion of Draft 1 by the end of the year. That means it's going to be my goal this summer to complete (or at least get close to completing) Act Two.

I know this will be a tough goal to do, but if I'm committed to writing at least a little bit every day, then I think I can achieve it.

New Art in the Works

I'm working on a new set of artwork for Pro:Des (though let's be honest, when am I not). I wanted to do something different than another round of concept art, so I decided I wanted to do a set of prints this time. The plan is for them to be Art Nouveau/ Mucha-inspired prints featuring the main cast (meaning yes, Niv will get his own illustration for once). So it will be a set of 5 prints, likely A4 sized unless there's a different measurement that seems more fitting.

I'm not quite sure how long this will take compared to how long the area or character concepts took. A single illustration could range from a week to two months. I'd like to think that for what I'm planning it won't be too terribly long, but I want to give myself enough time to work on it while also letting myself be able to work on other stuff in the mean time. Let's say I put the deadline to the end of September to get the 5 prints done; that gives me four-and-a-half months to get this done.

I think I can do that.

New Project Announcement??

I'm not really one to multitask projects-- I feel like even when I try, one project gets focused on over the other. But this summer I decided I wanted to join a game jam.

If you're not familiar with the concept, a game jam is an event where game developers of any kind are given a set amount of time to create a game. Game jams can be as short as a day or as long as two months. I will be joining SuNoFes 2022 this year, which will begin July 1st and end August 31st. It is a game jam that focuses on visual novels and story-based games. Since we're allowed to start planning before the event begins, I will be releasing small devlogs every so often starting next week up until the end of the event to document the game's development.

So currently, the project is called Project : Identity; it is about a woman name Sid who is a lone wolf in the city's underground scene. While she may not be part of any gang officially, she does have ties to a few and is known to help people out in a pinch. But Sid is a notorious people-pleaser, so much so that her inability to say no has landed her in the middle of an on-going turf war; she accidentally turned into a double agent between two rival gangs. Unable to reconcile both sides, Sid has to make the difficult choice of siding with one of the two gangs.

For those interested in what the game might look like, here's a quick mockup image of where I'd like to take the art direction:

Goals

May Goals:

Write three/four chapters by June 15th

Storyboard chapters 6 & 8 by June 15th

Finish Art Nouveau prints by September 30th (or sooner)

Begin development for Project : Identity and post first devlog by May 22nd.

Update the Masterlist by May 31st

Begin work on Project : Desert anniversary

That sums up my report for this month. Thank you for reading and I hope you'll support me in my future endeavors!

#writeblr #dev log #monthly report #Mid Month Report #Project : Desert #Project : Identity #jasper.txt #jasper's archive #MMR2022

8 notes · View notes

skania · 4 years

Text

Hei & Yin

More things I love about Darker Than Black’s story-telling when it comes to Hei and Yin, because every time I watch these scenes, my heart bursts.

I love how at the end of Episode 12, Hei looks completely lost. But then, he sees Yin’s spirit.

Yin’s spirit coming to him brings Hei back to himself. It’s ultimately what allows him to pull himself together in time to leave the scene. We even see him thanking Yin for this later.

However, that is not the only time Yin is there to bring Hei back to his senses.

In Episode 16, Hei comes face to face with Amber — the only main player in his past alongside his sister and a woman he may or may not have loved. Yet, what are we shown?

When Hei is about to lash out, Yin instinctively calls out to him — No!

And Hei immediately reacts. He looks up, surprised, at the sound of her voice — and it is then that he is frozen in time.

How fitting is it that we have Amber staring right at him — yet Hei is frozen, looking at Yin?

It’s absolutely fantastic imagery, but what it symbolizes is much bigger than that. Amber essentially represents a way for Hei to go back to all the people he has lost, yet as he faces her, he looks beyond her at the girl who will ultimately represent the choice he makes at the end of the series.

But before we get there, of course, we have this:

(The post is image-heavy and has spoilers for the first season, the manga, the OVAs and the second-season-that-must-not-be-named.)

Does Hei have that? It most likely used to be his sister, but she isn’t there anymore.

However, this episode tells us — and Hei — that it’s good to have something you want to protect. Something that will keep you going, something that will help you fearlessly face the future. Something here, in the present.

Hei is asked this question twice and he never gives a straight answer.

The visuals, however, do all the talking.

The way we see Hei looking at Yin, completely focused on her as the background music swells is beautiful. It suggests that Hei may very well be realizing that he does have something that he wants to protect with his life — and that something is a someone.

Yin.

What I love the most about this, is that this outcome was foreshadowed as early as Episodes 1-2.

That’s right. The very first arc of the series features Hei interacting with a doll and everyone around him reminding him that she’s “just” a doll.

Yet, what is Hei’s reply?

It’s the very first arc of the series, yet we already see that Hei doesn’t see dolls — doesn’t see Yin — as objects. To him, they are alive.

What’s more — this very first arc features a doll falling in love with Hei. The way these two episodes foreshadow Hei’s view of Yin and Yin’s feelings for Hei is incredible and shows that Hei/Yin was always at the core of the show, even when they didn’t interact.

It also raises the question, could it be possible that Hei and Yin started to harbor feelings for each other before the start of the series? After all, Amber essentially states that Yin is in love with Hei as early as Episode 16.

Meanwhile, we have the way Hei behave towards Yin in Episodes 13-14. Hei says she’s just a doll, but Mao asks him the right question: then, why did you save her the other day?

The answer could’ve been simple. We’ve constantly seen Hei spare people. Except, this is different — the question weights on Hei.

Episode 14 suggests that Hei finds his answer when Yin’s old teacher asks if Yin is his nakama (or “partner”, in the English translation).

Yet, that’s but a temporary, surface-level answer. No, Hei only starts finding his answer in Kenji’s arc — because it is a parallel to his situation with Yin. Because Kenji is also a man who is falling in love with a doll.

It’s then that we see for the first time, in no ambiguous terms, that Hei questions himself about what he feels for Yin. Why her? Why am I so concerned about her?

It is this very moment that reveals that the answer Hei found during Yin’s arc isn’t enough for him. That saying that Yin is his “nakama” isn’t enough to explain his behavior towards her.

And true enough, everyone around him sees the lengths he goes to for Yin and wonders the exact same thing. Just what is this Doll to him?

Everything comes full circle the one time Hei dares to put it into words. Because when he does, it’s to echo precisely the same sentiment Kenji and his Aniki taught him in Episode 18.

Hei has lost everything, but through it all, he has found Yin.

Yin is what is important to him. That someone he wants to protect from the bottom of his heart, with his life. His reason to keep going.

And we see this over

and over

and over again.

And honestly, the more I think about it it, the more I’m convinced Hei might have been harboring feelings for Yin for a while; even before Season 1 started. So rather than seeing Hei fall in love with Yin, what we saw was his feelings for Yin deepening and Hei coming to terms with them.

#darker than black #hei #yin #hei x yin #yin x hei #otp: don't leave me alone #and with this I think I've more or less exorcised myself from my hei x yin thoughts #though I think there's one manga scene I left out #I'll need to check #and there's also a lot to say about the way Hei is willing to leave the entire world to its fate as long as he means he gets to keep yin #but that might be a topic for when I get in another DtB mood in a couple of years lmao #metaing

202 notes · View notes

sneezefiction · 4 years

Text

of night owls & early birds

Kuroo x Reader

desc: Kuroo, your roommate and longtime best friend, likes you but he really dislikes your sleep schedule. alternatively, your crush gets up way too early and you “suffer the consequences.”

a/n: the irony of working on this fic at 5 am doesn’t escape me… but it also hasn’t assuaged my awful sleep patterns. i hope you enjoy!!

warnings: school/general anxiety, crass/offbeat humor (jokes about planning your own funeral), idk if you’re scared of love don’t read this - it’s very fluffy.

wc: 3.6k

--- You’re screwed, you think, as a light flickers on just outside of your room. It illuminates the carpet underneath your doorway with a warm orange tint.

And though it shouldn’t make your heart jump into your throat, it does.

You’d promised, swore to Kuroo, that you’d be asleep by 2 am - and to him, even that was a stretch. But he should count himself lucky that you’d even agreed to his demands at all.

After all, he is well-versed in the world of night owls.

Kenma, though maybe not your kindred spirit, shares at least a couple of qualities with you. Kuroo likes refer to these “qualities” as crimes.

One of these crimes (and quite possibly Kuroo’s least favorite) is your god-awful sleep schedule. And you’re a repeated offender.

There was only so much nagging and bickering you could take before you’d cracked and told exactly him what he wanted to hear. In a flurry of words, you’d agreed to turn off your laptop, close up your textbooks and actually put your head to a pillow.

You also may have been bribed.

To sweeten this deal, Kuroo had promised to buy you pizza this upcoming Friday, given that you actually did get some rest.

But as you reluctantly lift your phone, the glass screen glowing a little too brightly, you realize that it’s already 5:30 am.

You grimace.

It’s Tuesday morning. Meaning that the repetitive beeping across the hall is Kuroo’s alarm.

Your lips press into a firm line. Most birds don’t even get up at such a godless hour.

You can’t help but wonder what it’s like to have a functional morning routine. Or a morning routine at all.

Leaning back in your plastic desk chair, you squeeze your eyes shut.

It stings.

You probably got so caught up staring at the blob-like words on your computer screen that, somewhere in the process, your body had forgotten how to blink.

And while the tension in your neck and shoulders is painful, it’s nothing in comparison to the festering guilt of not listening to your longtime best friend and now roommate (a suspiciously well-intentioned college boy who had somehow managed to win your heart over the course of this fall semester.)

Thinking back, working on your final English assignment at midnight wasn’t the brightest of ideas. It wasn’t even due for another week. But as due dates loomed, the impending fear of a bad grade had begun to burrow deeply within you.

If you could just pump the brakes on deadline anxiety, you wouldn’t feel so pressured to type incoherent sentences at odd and empty hours of the night.

And maybe Kuroo wouldn’t feel the need to coerce you into a firmer sleep schedule. Though you do find this caring habit of his to be inexplicably endearing.

Thus, the prickling feeling continues to infiltrate your restless mind and the brewing concoction of anxiety and guilt in your tummy makes you feel uneasy.

But before you can sneak into bed and tuck yourself inconspicuously under the covers, you hear a floorboard creak.

As if on instinct, you hold in a breath.

Kuroo isn’t one to forget about little promises. Of course, he’d want to know if you’d made good on your side of the deal.

Gently, you close your laptop and swivel your chair to face the door. You still your movements, keeping your body taut against the back of your chair.

More soft steps fall just outside of your room.

Your eyes can’t pick a place to land, so they choose to wander. And with a quick scan of your room, it doesn’t take you long to realize that your bedside lamp had been left on - an instant giveaway.

You begin planning for your funeral.

However, if it were up to you, you wouldn’t go out this way. You prepare yourself for death by interrogation or shame-induced coma.

Regrettably, neither options seem very interesting to you. If you ask politely, maybe your friends will engrave a portion of an epic poem into your gravestone just to make your passing seem more sophisticated. Yeah, that sounds nice and pretentious.

Okay, you might be overdramatizing things - Kuroo would never send you to your grave. But that doesn’t change the fact that your psyche likes to play tricks on you in the wee hours of the morning and that the eerie quality of the atmosphere somehow reminds you of a cemetery.

As you sort through who-gets-what on your will, there’s a not so sudden knock on your door. The soft tap makes your heart skip for two reasons:

The first being that you still haven’t gotten used to the fluttering in your chest from him being present all the time. Developing a crush on him (and suspecting feeling on his side) had made you a little jumpier over the past few months.

And the second had to do with the fact that you were actually going to have to talk to him about this. To apologize for being a bold-faced liar. It wasn’t clear to you whether you’d be teased or reprimanded. And honestly? You’re not sure which option would feel worse.

So you take a breath and steel yourself.

“Y/n?” A gravelly voice sounds from outside your room.

It’s tainted with sleep. You shiver.

There’s a preemptive sigh, “C’mon y/n, your light is on. I know you’re awake.”

You’ve been caught, so there’s no point in prolonging it.

“...You can come in.” You reply meekly, clenching and unclenching your fists.

The door cracks open.

That soft orange hall light floods into your room and directly into your eyes. With a squint, you try to fully visualize Kuroo. He’s positioned himself so that he’s leaning in your doorway with his arms crossed.

Before coming to grips with the situation, you scan the boy up and down. Amusingly, you realize that he has to duck his head just to fit underneath the door header - he really is tall. You have to wonder if he’ll ever stop growing.

Aside from his intensified bedhead (which doesn’t shock you) and the sleepiness in his eyes, he looks normal. But you must look positively spooked, because the moment he sees you, there’s a flicker of humor in his golden eyes… and an almost invisible smirk.

At least he isn’t angry. That fact alone allows you to let out the breath you’ve been holding in. Anger isn’t really a trait you’d ascribe to him anyway.

“It’s funny…” He wonders aloud, “I thought we’d agreed to something yesterday.” Kuroo brings a mocking hand to his chin in a thinking motion.

Your body naturally begins to shrink into your seat. You want to sigh, protest, explain yourself… anything to keep him from lecturing you. But, technically, you deserve this.

“I’m pretty sure you promised me you’d be in bed, asleep,” He emphasizes “by 2 am…”

“And” he adds, motioning evenly to your set up, “I highly doubt you’re up early just to get work done.”

You bite your lip while gripping and releasing the fabric of your sweatpants.

Kuroo isn’t a mind reader by any extent, but the body has a language of its own. Right now, your actions are murmuring signs of discomfort. And exhaustion, according to your dark circles.

Kuroo heaves out something between a sigh and a yawn before he takes another couple of steps into your room.

The sound of mattress springs and rustled bed sheets gets you to turn your head toward him, though you hesitate to meet his gaze.

He makes himself comfortable.

This is a familiar scene, Kuroo invading your space. Well, it’s less of an invasion and more of an unspoken agreement that the both of you can ‘come and go as you please’ in regards to bedrooms, granted that the “invader” knocks first.

Essentially, if Kuroo wanted company, he would find his way to you and plop himself on the edge of your bed. You would do likewise. The interaction could last 5 minutes or 3 hours depending on your mental stamina that day.

In a way, it mimicked your childhood - going over to Kenma’s and knocking relentlessly on his bedroom door until he finally let you and Kuroo tumble through the doorway together. The only difference now is in the way that you spend time together. Conversations become deeper a lot faster. Belly-laughs after a miserable day of classes are considered sacred. Study sessions are done shoulder to shoulder and with a myriad of disgusted faces when frustrated with a particularly tricky problem.

But this is different from your usual conversations. It’s sickeningly early, you haven’t slept a wink, and a tidal wave of stress from this entire semester is finally crashing into you.

“I’m sorry,” You start softly, fiddling with your fingers, “I just… I couldn’t stop thinking about this expository essay I’ve been working on and my mind is totally numb. I’m so stressed out by all of these-”

“-Classes.” He finishes for you.

You swallow, bobbing your head softly in confirmation.

“I get it.”

And just by looking at him, you know he understands. For someone so laid back and put together, Kuroo’s eyes could speak a novel’s worth of emotion and information at any given moment.

“But you’ve already spent more than enough time on it.”

Have I really? Have I actually done enough? Because it feels like I’m failing. Like I can’t seem to finish what I’ve started. I can’t even complete this paper.

But at least Kuroo sounds resolute.

He’s stating a fact, not an opinion.

And he’s not trying to be unempathetic. He does get it, he really does.

But Kuroo also sees how hard you work already. And he knows all too well that there’s only so much work you can get done in one night. You’ve got enough on your plate even without your classes, so having the extra academic pressure is just the cherry on top.

“Mm,” you hum, “yeah, I guess you of all people would know.” You hunch over and rest your elbows on your thighs, using your hands to prop your head up.

He’d been there at your most and least productive moments. On days when you were cranking out a few thousand words and nights when you could only jot down a few sentences. Hell, Kuroo had even volunteered to help you edit and format it when the time came. What kind of person offers to do that before they’ve even been asked to?

It’s just another feature of his charm, you suppose.

But you still feel stuck. Like you’re a boat stranded in the middle of the ocean and you just can’t seem the muster up the strength to pull up the anchor. The anxiety lingers.

“...It just doesn’t feel like it’s ever enough, y’know?” You breathe out.

There it is. Finally out in the open.

And Kuroo hums thoughtfully to himself.

He’s been there.

Not knowing if the effort he put into his work was having any actual effect. Being unsure as to when he should stop taking responsibility for something. Putting work, classes, and people before himself.

It’s draining; a swirling spin-cycle of exhaustion.

But he’s also been learning that “enough” is subjective. So he decides to say just that.

“Enough is a pretty vague word, don’t you think?”

You blink.

Yeah, you suppose it is.

Hopefully this isn’t another one of his bizarre epiphanies - the kind that makes you think your brain is going to implode. Sometimes Kuroo could be a little too philosophical for his and your own good. But you humor him anyway.

Shifting in your seat, you give him a stiff nod.

Satisfied with your understanding, he proceeds with his thought.

“What I mean is that we probably have totally different definitions of enough...” he drawls on, “... and different standards too.”

“Okay...”

“What I mean is that-” He sighs, running a hand through his hair, “-what’s ‘enough’ to you may not be ‘enough’ to me. And vice versa.”

Kuroo tilts his head back, brows furrowing in thought. He’s grasping for the right way to put it.

“Y/n, I think you’ve done enough. You’ve worked hard,” he points out, “and I don’t think I know anyone who deserves a break more than you do.”

That makes you pause. You lift your head up to catch his gaze - his eyes are already studying your expression. Something inside of you stops functioning because never have you seen such raw sincerity. Or maybe you have, but you’re only just now noticing it.

He gives you a gentle smile. It makes your chest ache.

“You mean it?” You half-whisper.

“I wouldn’t lie to you.”

You’ve known this for years now, but Kuroo truly has a way with words. They had the ability to pierce like a harpoon or stick sweetly to you like warm honey. Even with a few (thousand) shitty jokes littered throughout your conversations, it’s only natural to be awestruck by him. By his ability to make even the most awkward of situations a little more bearable. How he subliminally knows how to soothe and temper you. You think he would make a really great businessman - he’s quite persuasive; a real salesperson.

One part of you wants to apologize to him again. Another part wants to jump up and kiss him. To tear up and cry in his arms with relief. You chalk these potential reactions up to exhaustion and hormones… but you don’t write them off entirely.

Because suddenly being 3 feet apart feels like miles. And your bed is looking terribly comfortable.

“Mind if I join you?” You ask, but you’re already moving from your seat.

He gives you an indifferent shrug - though he feels anything but.

“It’s your bed.”

Oh, you’re well aware of that fact. You can already feel heat rising to your face.

You stand up slowly, raising your arms to the ceiling in one final attempt to stretch. Then softly, you place a knee to the mattress and wedge yourself on the rest of the way until you’re sitting crisscrossed in front of him. He shifts his torso so that it’s facing you.

And now that you’re finally eye to eye, you can breathe.

He may be your crush, but you feel strangely comfortable in his presence. You always have. It’s part of what makes Kuroo... well, Kuroo. He embodies security while still pushing you out of your comfort zone. And for that, you’re grateful.

You break the silence.

“I really am sorry,” you echo your earlier apology.

You undoubtedly are. And you’re not sure why it feels like such a heavy thing to say over something as menial as a good night’s sleep.

“Hey, hey,” He soothes, reaching a hand over to ruffle your hair, “it’s no big deal, alright?”

You send him a half-hearted glare but it immediately breaks into a soft smile. His hand lingers for a moment longer than it should before he draws it away. You miss the teasing touch.

It’s becoming increasingly difficult to maintain eye-contact, but even as you look away, you note that his eyes remain concentrated on you. You can’t tell if it’s you who has moved closer or if he has. Either way, those few inches of distance have narrowed by a decent margin.

“I honestly just wanted you to get some rest. You’ve had it rough and by the looks of it-” He scans your face like he’s trying to diagnose you with something.

“Hey, watch it-” You warn, narrowing your eyes.

You already know you look tired. Kuroo loves reminding you of that in his own little way.

He smirks playfully, continuing anyway.

“-You could really use the sleep.” Kuroo’s raspy voice trails off.

“But apparently even pizza isn’t a convincing enough strategy.” He gives you a lopsided grin.

You shake your head, “Oh no, no, the pizza was very convincing.”

He scoffs, “Was it, now?” Raising his eyebrows in mock surprise, “Because you seem very awake to me.”

“Can’t we just blame this on the paper, please?” You sigh.

He furrows his brows in contemplation, “Hmm, no. I don’t think so. This is partially your fault.” A rather underwhelming response.

“A small part.”

“I’d say it's fifty-fifty.” He reasons with a raised eyebrow.

Rolling your eyes, you respond, “Okay, you can quit whatever-” You gesture to his expression, “this is.” He always managed to pull the strangest faces and you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of making you laugh.

He snorts, “Oh? I thought you liked-” Kuroo gestures to his own face, “whatever this is.”

His voice has a curious edge to it. Some might even call it flirtatious.

And you go quiet.

You can’t help but stare at him. His messy hair, his barely parted lips. The fact that Kuroo just woken up and somehow still looks this attractive to you is so annoying. So frustrating.

And words are failing you.

It was an innocent comment. He’s just messing with you like he usually does. Maybe this has all gone a little bit too far. You should probably just say good night (or good morning) and rest your eyes.

Yet you can’t shake the feeling that this could be the perfect segway into addressing your relationship.

At literally any other time of day, you might be more rational. You could reason with yourself that this is quite literally the weirdest time to bring up your feelings for him. But something in you needs to close the literal and figurative gap between you two. And, for some indecipherable reason, it has to happen right now.

Whatever the outcome, you trust that Kuroo will always be your safe place.

So you throw caution to the wind.

“Actually, Kuroo…” You begin, staring at your hands which are placed neatly on your lap. “I really do.”

His eyes snap to yours.

This time it’s Kuroo’s turn to go silent in contemplation. Taking in a steady breath becomes an act of labor.

“You… really do what?” He asks slowly, grasping for your intended meaning.

Your heart pounds.

“I really like you.” You clarify.

It isn’t at all eloquent, but it’s sincere. You’d once heard that honesty came easier late at night, but you had no idea that it applied to early mornings as well.

But you finally make sense of the words that just escaped your lips. Panic arises. In an attempt to hide, you bury your face in your hands. You wish you could put the words right back into your mouth.

“I-” You take a deep breath, “I think I spoke without thinking.” Is all you allow yourself to mumble.

You no longer trust yourself with words.

Your face, your whole body really, feels like it’s on fire. Humiliation begins to wash over you in red hot waves… but you startle when a pair of hands meet your wrists.

You lift your head.

His fingertips are warm and worn. Still decorated with calluses from his years of volleyball back in high school. You want to question why the world has withheld this touch from you for so long.

He lures your hands away from your face, grasping both of them gently. For a sensation so new, it was somehow strikingly familiar. A thumb is meditatively tracing small, slow circles in the middle of your palm.

You gawk in disbelief… and as you scan his face, you catch a hint of pink on his cheeks. You can’t say anything though - your own face feels like it’s just become 1000 degrees warmer.

“I kinda figured you might,” Kuroo breaks the tension rather… bluntly.

Of course he did, wait what?

“But the thing is…”

Is this some sort of rejection? Is he just letting you down gently? Is that why he’s holding your hands like they’re as fragile as fine china? Then why is he looking at you so sweetly, so tenderly-

“I wanted to be the one to say it first.”

You start planning your own funeral again.

However, this time, emotional whiplash will be your stated cause of death. At least it’s a more unconventional way to go out.

“I- uh,” you swallow, “w- what did you just say?” It comes out as a stammer.

You’re squeezing his hands a little too tightly. When you recognize your modest death grip around his fingers you loosen your hold.

Kuroo smiles, his eyes crinkling slightly.

It’s nothing like that cunning smirk that you find annoying, yet so adorable. It’s also not one of his full-scale grins. It’s far too simple and reassuring. You almost don’t trust it.

“Well, in short, I like you too,” He re-explains, searching your face for a reaction, “but... I’d hoped to tell you that over pizza on Friday.” Kuroo looks away.

If you weren’t already gaping over his personal confession, you would probably be laughing at this new side of Kuroo. He looks unmistakably bashful.

It takes you a second to recover, but you finally open your mouth to respond...

But you’re cut off by Kuroo, once again. His softened expression is long gone. And, much to your dismay, he’s suddenly shifting himself off of your bed.

“It’s just too bad you didn’t keep up your end of the bargain. I guess that means there’ll be no pizza… no movie… no me.” He slowly releases your hands, knitting his brows together to feign sorrow - it looks hilariously forced, but you’re too worried about the warmth leaving your fingertips to care.

He’s teasing you like you’re his best friend.

And that’s because you are.

So then why does it feel like something’s changed? Like he’s daring you to make the next move?

Before he can pull away and leave, you tug at his hand which draws his whole body toward you.

Your heartrate spikes through the roof. When’s the last time you’ve been this close to someone? To a guy? A guy who’s shown actual living, breathing interest in you.

And he’s in your face.

Close enough that his scent, his cologne, is drowning your senses. Close enough that his breath is fanning faintly against your cheek. Close enough that you know there’s only one thing left for you to do.

Before you can think to hesitate, your lips are brushing up against his.

Intuitively, he brings his hands to your face, closing any extra distance.

Kuroo’s thumb feathers over your cheekbone, stroking it tenderly. His lips apply very little pressure and it’s unbearably delicate, but it fills you with an indescribable warmth. His lips linger just long enough for you to detect the mint from his toothpaste - he can probably taste the cinnamon tea you’ve been sipping on over the past hour. As far as kisses go, it’s reserved, but perfect for this distinct moment.

Plus, you figure, this is just the first of many longer, more eager kisses - though you can’t imagine being more breathless than you already are right now.

But you can hardly get another taste of him before those warm hands on your cheeks are prying you away. He stares. You stare back. His eyes are brimming with something warm and full. You immediately choose to label it, “affection.”

And in a much lower voice, Kuroo murmurs, “Let’s save this for later.”

You scan his face, wondering if he’s actually serious. He gradually makes his way off of the bed and onto his feet and before you can protest, Kuroo is speaking again.

“You-”

He leans down and gingerly lifts your chin with his fingers. The gentleness of his touch almost makes you flinch, but you somehow manage to hold it in the road. Though now you’re really at a loss for words.

“-need to get some good rest.”

He places a chaste kiss on your forehead.

You still feel it after he pulls away. After he closes the door. After you’ve laid you head down on your pillow in shock.

How does he expect you to fall asleep after all of that?

---

extra: this is dedicated to Izzy - our sleep schedules may be jacked up, but i’m pretty sure it’s a blessing in disguise if we’re taking our time zones into consideration. thanks for making me laugh & for not stealing my quarter of the braincell.

and to my precious friends and followers - thank you for being patient with me. it’s hard to post or even write at the moment, but i’m steadily pushing myself toward a better mindset. i appreciate your comments, likes, and the fact that y'all even bother to check out my works in the first place. i’m working on it.

also happy birthday, Tetsu. you’re a real star.

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #kuroo x reader #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo

403 notes · View notes

chalkrevelations · 3 years

Text

SO. Back to the beginning, Episode 1 of Word of Honor. This is likely to be a little bit different experience than the prior posts, when I was watching the eps as they aired, compared to now approaching the show as whole and complete. May be rummaging around for things I missed the first time through, stuff that takes on new meaning set in additional context – we’ll see how it goes.

With that in mind, spoilers for not just this ep but possibly for the entire series. Get out of the car now and come back later, if you haven’t seen all 36.5 eps and want to watch it unspoiled.

First thing to strike me, right up front: You know, I think we tend to lose sight in later parts of the show – when we’re getting Laopo!Zhou Zishu pouting so he doesn’t have to cook dinner - how terrifying ZZS is in his own right (and by “we,” I actually mean the show, too). One of the things the first few episodes gets right, I think, is the sense of eerie inevitability and dread created by both the falling lanterns of Tian Chuang and the blowing paper figures of the Ghost Valley, and how similar they are. I think it’s easy to lose that - when the lanterns and the paper figures are gone and our charming and adorable couple are busy being charming and adorable at each other, in between varying rounds of being wracked by guilt and PTSD – easy to lose that this is there too, part of them – both of them - under the skin. I think it’s particularly easy to lose that for ZZS, when he’s already done a lot of work, off-screen, pre-Episode 1, during the 18 months he was putting in those first six Nails, to come to some kind of equilibrium, and meanwhile we watch Wen Kexing’s entire torturous process play out on-screen. Wen Kexing’s story is one of reaching an equilibrium, but Zhou Zishu’s story is one of maintaining it, which I think may be less showy, but is equally valuable, just as I value the Four Seasons Manor arc, especially, for giving us a vibe of two adults comfortable in an already intimate relationship, as opposed to the veritable sea of will-they-won’t-they tug-of-war coming-together-for-the-first-time-as-emotional-AND-plot climax relationships that we’re usually awash in.

Anyway, straight up we’re introduced to an assassin who, we discover, doesn’t like to get blood on himself. It looks like metaphorical blood is fine, just not actual blood, but then we discover, well, maybe he’s not as OK with metaphorical blood as he schools himself to look. Also that conversation with Li Jingan about her dad having to die because he’s a traitor to the country – I now wonder how much of that particular conversation Zhou Zishu mentally brings to the table in later conversations about his own father being executed for the same reason. Also, wait wait wait. Zhou Zishu tells Jingan that he took Jiuxiao’s body back to Four Seasons Manor and buried him next to their shifu, but I don’t remember seeing another grave there, other than Qin Huaizhang’s and his wife’s. Script inconsistency, or are you supposed to be lying, ZZS? I mean, would you be so downcast at the state of Four Seasons Manor when you arrive with your husband and son for your honeymoon, if you’d actually been there only a couple of years before? It didn’t fall to pieces overnight. Also, HAIRPIN FORESHADOWING ALERT. Our first sign of how important the hairpin is, the way ZZS’s impassive face cracks wide open when he sees the hairpin that Jiuxiao made and realizes he must have given it to Jingan. Clearly important!

Mmm. Here’s a point for the “Prince Jin is a f’kn asshole” list – Prince Jin wants ZZS to deal with Bi Changfeng personally when Bi Changfeng requests to leave Tian Chuang. And OK, ZZS is the leader of Tian Chuang. But you’re never going to convince me Prince Jin wants ZZS to deal with it personally because Prince Jin is actually so very furious that Bi Changfeng made a mistake. You will never convince me this isn’t a … it’s not even a test of loyalty, at this point, because Prince Jin has no reason to think yet that ZZS is anything other than the faithful hunting dog on a leash that he’s been, lo, these many years. Putting ZZS in a position where not only is he losing the last of the direct disciples of Four Seasons Manor, but he’s being asked to (as good as) kill him with his own hands - it’s just cruelty for the proof of your power and influence over someone. Also, given Prince Jin’s later diatribe about how everyone leaves him OMG (have you considered it’s your personality?) (But also Beiyuan! I know who you are now, and yeah, I would have let Wu Xi bride-kidnap me away from this jerk, too), I have to wonder if Prince Jin isn’t trying to make ZZS feel exactly as isolated as he, himself, feels, as part of his overall desire to make sure that ZZS has no one other than Prince Jin so that their positions are parallel – only having each other in the whole world. I also have to wonder if he’s not hoping for precisely the reaction ZZS has to Bi Changfeng – you’d rather be dead than be with me? Because that hurts, you can see it on ZZS’s face (thanks already, Zhang Zhehan), and I rather suspect Prince Jin wants it to hurt. I notice we get an echo of this later in the ep, with Prince Jin saying pretty much the same thing when ZZS asks for the final Nail. GOOD. I hope it hurts you just as much. I wonder if ZZS realizes this while he’s kneeling there in the throne room. It’s probably too late for him to get any satisfaction out of it.

OH, HEY. That’s HAN YING already, one of the two people accompanying ZZS to put down Bi Changfeng, looking super-pained like he knows what this is all costing his beloved. Han Ying, I really hope you got to tap that at least a few times before ZZS made his break for it. Is that one of the reasons Prince Jin seems to have such antipathy for you, or is it really just that he can’t stand the idea of someone whose loyalty to ZZS is greater than their loyalty to Prince Jin, himself? (Seriously, y’all, why is there not much much more Han Ying/ZZS fic?) Meanwhile Duan Pengju, omg, this asshole, is already looking smug and punchable. Really, he’s kind of enjoying the Seven Nails placement a little too much. Showing your hand pretty fast on the petty evil thing, show.

So, one thing I didn’t catch the first time around, is that ZZS isn’t just self-injuring to punish himself when he takes the knife to his chest – he re-opens wounds on all the places where the first six Nails have already been placed, so it will look like the placement is fresh. If you can’t tell he hasn’t just put them in, there’s no reason for anyone else (read: Prince Jin) to suspect he’s bought himself some time before he loses his senses. As far as anyone knows, he’s going to fall over with locked-in syndrome any day now. Which just makes the implications of Prince Jin vowing that he’s only letting him go for now EVEN ICKIER. For all Prince Jin knows, what he’s going to get back is a flesh doll that will just lie there, although I guess on the plus side, ZZS would never leave him again. Thanks, show, I need a shower, now.

ZZS says all the right things to argue his case to Prince Jin – he’s only good as a weapon, he has no skills nor utility for building and governing the country – and I think partly this is because he just knows the right things to say. I mean, you don’t become the Number Two guy in the country, with thousands under you and only one above you, if you can’t play imperial politics. But I also wonder if deep down he doesn’t actually believe it – he was successful at building Tian Chuang, but he couldn’t maintain Four Seasons Manor and even drove it to ruin. So, I’ll just be over here, clutching my chest, over my heart. Fortunately, Zhang Zhehan provides quick distraction from this pain, and I … Y’all. I can’t. I just. I CANNOT. When ZZS drops to his knees and starts stripping in the throne room. Just. Mmmmmrgh. THIS VISUAL. Although, you want to know what one of the hottest parts actually is? That pair of leather bracers hitting the floor on top of his belt, and ZZS isn’t even in the shot at that point. OK, fine, I am willing to read some dirtybadwrong fic with this whole scene premise at its heart, even if it does include Prince Jin. Zhang Zhehan, you are KILLING ME. I might have rewound this part. More than once. You can’t prove anything.

Aaaand then we get that gorgeous, painful shot of ZZS riding out into the snow that I know I’ve talked about before (including the way I get an odd echo of Lan Xichen off of it). There are several places in this ep where the cinematography is to die for, and this is one of them, the bleakness of the landscape and Zhang Zhehan (and his FACE) deep in that shadowing cloak against the stark snow as he rides out into freedom and the unknown. Then cut to somewhere green and forested. Interesting that the show starts with snow and ends with snow. That parallel with the imperial cage says some things about immortality that could stand to be unpacked – but later. Because ZZS is putting his face on – literally – and I am once again in pain, only it’s not the good kind of pain. It’s caused by that dreadful fake facial hair. There are some things that could be unpacked here, as well, about the fact that making ZZS supposedly unattractive involves a clearly fake goatee, a single aesthetically placed scar, and darkening his skin. I’m going to try to step carefully here, because this is kind of out of my lane, but it is … a noticeable thing. That probably ought to be noted.

So, ZZS takes just a moment to turn his (fake) face up to the sun and feel the warmth on it … and then with 10 minutes left, we’re on our way to Ghost Valley, where there’s some chaos and then Hanging Ghost gets got by a Mysterious Stranger To Be Revealed Later, who chokes him out (remember this). The Mysterious Master of Ghost Valley appears dramatically on his High Ledge to Make Some Pronouncements while playing with some walnuts omg (rolling two of them in one hand – remember this), and we see his eyes, which are partially obscured by chunky sidebangs, which are farther forward on his forehead than we’re going to see later, not only hiding some of his face but making it look more angular. The troops get berated, shit rolls downhill, and another dude gets choked (remember this) as Ghost Valley Master’s hair continues to artfully hide most of his face and he worries about his manicure post-kill (remember this). War is declared on Hanging Ghost for stealing the Glazed Armor, and more chaos is set into motion.

All of that takes literally two minutes, and then we cut to three months later, and no one realizes it yet, but the fam is getting together. ZZS is tits out in the gutter - only beginning his career of being a minx who flashes his collarbones an awful lot for someone who has Very Secret Scars He’s Hiding On His Chest - happily drinking himself to death in the sun (we really need to talk about this correlation of snow and immortality vs. sun and happiness …). Meanwhile, slo-mo shot of Wen Kexing looking precious and perfect, with delicate pink lips and dove-grey robes, as he checks out the rough trade in the gutter. Oh, the expectations this show is getting ready to smash. We cut from a shot of pristine precious WKX to ZZS holding up his hand, and we get a shot of the sun through ZZS’s fingers looking an awful lot like some shots of characters halo’d in light that we’ll get back to much much later in the show. Chengling appears out of nowhere to be Best Boy. A-Xiang is purple and smol and ready to brawl, and I already love her. I already love them all! So much! Here are my delicate and precious feelings, show, go ahead and stomp all over them!

#zhou zishu #prince jin #han ying #wen kexing #gu xiang #zhang chengling #word of honor #word of honor episode reax

102 notes · View notes

sleepyjuniper · 3 years

Text

HI! I am June, and I love movies! I've been working on something, and I don't usually post my work because I don't get a lot of views, but I feel what I've written here is really important, and I would very much appreciate a read, and maybe an upvote if you enjoy what you've read! I've really put my heart out on the line here, and it would be great for it to get some traction, so a movie I care about greatly can finally get some recognition.

So, Home is now back on Netflix. As a result, the passion I've always felt for this film has been rekindled, and now feels like the perfect time to bring it back to attention, to get it the praise it truly deserves. To explain, I was watching it last week and I suddenly had an epiphany. I suddenly connected more with Oh's character than I ever had before, and every little detail in the movie started to pop out at me and further strengthen this feeling. I became so obsessed with the depth of it's heavy emotional scenes and gorgeous visuals that I immediately got to writing. It gets a bit tricky to collect my thoughts every time I try to address what this writing actually is; it's not necessarily an analysis, not necessarily an essay, because it lacks direction and a real conclusion, or motive, I guess. I'm simply going in depth into the scenes that I think are most pivotal to Oh's development as a character, and providing my own personal insight into how he's thinking and what he's feeling, based on the evidence I am able to glean from what the movie shows me, rather than tells me. I'm picking into each scene and bringing to light the specific details that make it so powerful to me, and how these details allow me to fully understand and connect with the characters in a way I can't with other films.

But regardless of what it is, the more in depth I go, the more it speaks to me, and the more I understand it. The more reason I have to believe that Oh has a perfect character arc, which is so well written and perfectly pulled off, that it creates a movie that is authentic, heartfelt, and complete in every way. There's simply no other like it. Now, with no further ado, let's get into it.

Every good story starts with an introduction to the main character. The beginning scenes of Home introduce us to Oh's character perfectly. They depict him as an adorable misfit with a propensity to make mistakes, who just wants to make friends. We learn that he is widely disliked by the rest of the Boov because of his differences, that he adores Captain Smek, and that he believes Boov are best at everything. We learn a lot about his personality too. All the Boov look similar, but he is much more animated than the other Boov, moving with more energy, and appears to be in a perpetual state of excitement. He’s the only Boov we see smiling at first, and what really sets him out is the way he emotes. While most of the Boov carry neutral expressions, their eyebrows relaxed, his eyebrows are constantly raised and his eyes are wide, making them stand out much more prominently. His color changing also adds an extra layer to his character, allowing us to see even deeper into what he's feeling at any given point during the movie. The movie can tell us more, with less words. It is immediately apparent to the audience just how different Oh is from the rest of his people; we can clearly see from the get-go that Oh's emotions work differently than the rest of the Boov. And this only adds to the impact of later scenes, as he starts to experience more complex emotions and venture further into unknown territory.

When the starting conflict of the story is introduced, we learn about the first real challenge he needs to overcome. He made a mistake, and is now on the run from his own people, who want to arrest him. Right now, his motivation is simply to avoid capture. It can be assumed that until now, Oh hasn't faced danger alone. He's likely faced danger while the Boov were running away from the Gorg, but he was always facing the threat with the rest of his species. This is the first time he's been completely alone while running from something, and it's all his fault too. We can pick all of this up from context, and feel sympathy for him and his terror, which is very much justified.

When Oh and Tip first meet, they start out not liking each other, and have conflicting opinions. Oh believes the Boov are more advanced than humans because Smek said so, and he doesn't understand why Tip cares so much about one human. Conversely, Tip hates Oh because his species is the reason she's separated from her mother. They are agreeing to work together out of common interest, that's it. Oh has promised to help Tip find her mom, but he does this only to avoid capture. These scenes are full of fun quips and hilarious antics, as the movie starts to build up a foundation for Oh's character dynamic with Tip. What the movie conveys to us is that these two characters don't know each other, and don't have any interest in listening to and understanding each other.

Things really pick up later in the movie. Oh disappears for a long while, and when he returns, Tip yells at him, and he stops in his tracks, looking genuinely astounded and confused by her anger. He was especially shocked that she was afraid he'd been hurt. We can actually see the moment he does a double-take at the realization that she had been worried about him. Likely, no one has ever worried about him before. For the first time, we see him actually absorb what she's saying, listening to her with a curious expression as she tells him to try and put himself in her shoes. Tip explains to him that kids aren't supposed to be by themselves, and that the Boov's arrival ruined everything for her. When Oh says that Boov don't have families, she remarks that it's no wonder they take things and don't care about anyone else. This gives him pause, and he appears to think carefully, before speaking. No amount of explanation can really do this scene justice, so a direct quote of his monologue is needed. He says: "So, your mimom.. is a very important humansperson to you. More important than others. To not belong with her.. causes you being sad. But, recent moments ago, you are kicking on me and yelling. Which is seeming more to be mad than sad." This gives us the first true indication that Oh is trying to be more open minded. Tip tells him to try and feel how she feels, and he does. With genuine sincerity, he's trying to understand how Tip can be feeling two emotions at once. Tip looks surprised by his sincerity, and has no energy to continue talking, but she listens, and she gets back into the car when he's finished. Not only does Oh state out loud that humans are more complicated than he thought, this scene is important because it's the first time they have anything close to a genuine moment of understanding. Simply put; he sees her react in a way he didn't anticipate, is perplexed by it, and pushes aside his own belief that he already knows everything about humans, and just asks her questions to understand her better. It is the first small sign of growth we get to see from him.

Tip and Oh gradually warm up to each other more over the course of their next few escapades. Oh explains to Tip why he's in trouble, and Tip realizes he's sad, and cheers him up by teaching him about jokes. They make a plan to give Oh a makeover so they can sneak into the Great Antenna without being caught, and Tip seems amused by his antics rather than annoyed. In the Antenna, Oh helps Tip find out where her mom is, and Tip hugs him. He looks surprised and uncertain for a moment, but quickly adjusts to it and even smiles, turning orange and hugging her back. From the information we have, we can extrapolate that this may or may not be the first time he's ever been hugged, due to the Boov's aversion to both Oh and physical contact. This is the most affection Tip has expressed with him so far, and he seems to just melt into it. He also looks as if he wasn't ready for the hug to end so abruptly. It's a sensation he's unfamiliar with, but immediately decides he wants.

This is when we see Oh, specifically, starting to trust Tip a bit more and even maybe like her, and their escape from the Tower shows them working with a newfound chemistry as they outsmart the Boov. We can tell Oh is scared at several points during the scene, because his yellow coloring indicates it, but he's also grabbing onto Tip as if it gives him reassurance. He trusts her enough to at least find comfort in her presence, which is something that wasn't true of their relationship in the beginning.

Following the events of the Eiffel Tower scene, Tip starts to talk about her mom, excited to find her and maybe even come back to Paris. When she turns around, Oh is standing further away and looking at the now wrecked central command, his skin displaying a dejected blue color. What does he have to come back to after everything is over? Tip knows where she belongs, but Oh would never be able to go back to the Boov in safety after his mistake. He is questioning his belonging. Tip notices he's sad, and attempts to cheer him up. It doesn't work, but Oh does something that surprises Tip. He apologizes to her. During the confrontation with Smek, Oh finally realized how Smek was wrong for causing the misunderstandings between Boov and Humans, and that he would never accept any Boov for showing individuality. Oh acknowledges everything that he previously thought about humans was wrong, and that Captain Smek was also wrong. He even looks ashamed to tell her that in the beginning, the Boov thought humans were simple and uncomplicated, and that they needed the Boov. He tells her he thinks the Boov should never have interfered with Earth, and that he's sorry for how it affected her. He doesn't say anything during his apology that would guilt Tip into responding a certain way; just gives an honest apology, and allows her the freedom to decide how she reacts. This is something that's incredibly meaningful coming from Oh. He's not trying to get anything from her, he's just apologizing for something he was complacent in and is now feeling regretful about. It's raw and heartfelt. She hands him the keys, and he looks surprised at first, then gives a huge smile, holding the keys close to his heart and turning orange.

The following scene is perhaps the most important one in the film, and is incredibly impactful. Accompanied by the gentle tune of a song that slowly gets louder as the movie switches from dialogue between characters to simply visual storytelling, we watch as Oh and Tip take turns driving, and exchange vulnerability with each other, both describing their own experiences with being misfits. We see them laughing together, taking selfies, and just in general enjoying each other's company. Tip completely accepts Oh for who he is, and in turn he lets his walls down, and is finally able to be himself. This is a real bond they've formed. They are truly friends. Both look nothing alike, yet have so much in common.

Finally, we see Oh taking his turn driving at night while Tip sleeps, and he goes to tuck her back in when her blanket falls down. As we hear Kiezca's 'Cannonball' playing in the background (and on the radio) he takes a moment to appreciate the things in the car, discovering he does indeed enjoy them. Finally, he adjusts his mirror to watch Tip sleep, and we see him slowly turn a brand new color: pink. If you were to recap his life so far, the significance of this moment becomes clear. Oh is outgoing and friendly, but he's never fit in in his entire life. No matter how hard he tried to fit in with the Boov, he simply had emotional needs that the rest of the Boov did not, and as such they did not care about or recognize his need. Tip is the first person who has ever listened to him and gotten to know him, and accepted him for who he is. She's his first friend. In this moment, he is looking at Tip, and he's feeling something he's never felt before: love. It feels like a part of him he's always been missing has finally been found. For the first time in his life, he feels like he belongs.

We find Oh further appreciating Tip's qualities when they find the Gorg super-chip; he was afraid to go towards the ship but she convinced him, and when it worked out he realized that her idea had worked out better than his would have. He realized he can achieve things through being brave rather than giving up; essentially, if you don't even try, you can never succeed. You can see in his expression after Tip smirks at him that he was surprised; he realized he had faced his fears, all because of Tip's help.

We see a monumental backslide in his progress when he leaves Tip instead of staying by her side and fulfilling his promise. His greatest challenge is revealed to be that he's still not brave; not brave enough to put his faith in the one he cares about, not brave enough to face his fears and stick by her no matter what. We do know that he's terrified; both of being left alone, and of losing Tip. He has just found a sense of belonging with Tip that he's never felt before, and he can't bear to lose that. He tries to bring her with him, and she feels betrayed and breaks off the friendship. The detail that went into this scene makes it incredibly impactful. It's raw and filled with emotion. For context, during the course of the movie, we only see a Boov go pale in the face during a few very intense situations, and said pale-ing was usually followed by fainting. This suggests that a lack of color is indicative of a much stronger, primal emotion: dread, or pain. When Tip turns and leaves, he loses pigment. He blanches, and staggers. There's a physical impact of Tip's words on Oh. This isn't simply sadness or fear he's feeling, it's anguish. It's his world falling apart, his heart breaking. He is quite literally torn in two, as he looks back and forth between his best friend and his chance at escape, changing rapidly from red to yellow to blue and back again. It emphasizes his turmoil; the panic he feels at seeing a rapidly closing window to decide what action to take, before he turns back to what he's always known, running away. There's high stakes on both sides, and we as an audience can feel his pain, as he displays clear indecision and helplessness at this impossible choice.

As the Boov travel farther from Earth, bringing the Gorg with them, Oh and Tip have never been farther apart. As the Gorg mothership closes in, everyone runs to the other side of the ship; all except Oh, who stares it down. He knows he can save everyone. He pulls out the super-chip, his gaze hardening with determination, and runs against the flow of the crowd to plant it in the control panel. Everyone stops to stare in disbelief, crowding around him afterwards, curious to hear him speak. Smek tries to ostracize him for acting unBoov-like, and Oh directly challenges him. He tells the listening crowd that he used to believe what Smek said was right, but he'd learned things that said otherwise. He talks about the human he met, and how she's smart and brave, and has an emotional capacity for caring for others that Boov lack. During this monologue, we see his skin turn pink again as he talks about Tip, reminding us as that he does still care about her. This also reminds him of his own actions, and he turns blue, concluding his speech by saying that the Boov may be better in some ways, but not in the ways he thinks are most important now. He realizes that Tip has strengths that are/would have been useful many times for the Boov. This is when it becomes apparent that he's regretting leaving; Tip made him stronger, and he now knows he can be as brave as she is.

Which is why it's an incredible payoff scene when he is made leader. He's surrounded by Boov who are cheering for him, but he feels lonelier than ever. He wanted to be accepted, but he wasn't ready to be looked up to. It doesn't feel right, he doesn't belong here. When he watches the view of Earth grow smaller as it fades into the distance, he actually cries, and catches a tear as it rolls down his cheek, a pensive look crossing his face. He pulls out Tip's keychain, and all in one instant he realizes why he's so miserable. He doesn't feel like he belongs here, because he belongs with Tip. It's where he's meant to be. He turns pink, looking hopeful, and in the next scene he turns up on earth, by himself, and finds Tip. It's not really necessary to explain why this is an important development; we can see everything there is to be said in the way they compose the scene. There's also the parallel shots where we see Tip and Oh both pushing through crowds and both looking completely alone despite all the people around them, emphasizing that they need each other. Oh just had to figure out he could follow Tip's example, what he'd learned from her bravery, to realize he could still salvage things. He realized a life feeling alone among the Boov was worth nothing, and a life with someone he truly cares about is worth facing any danger, no matter what may come.

Oh and Tip are reunited, and he tells her what he learned, that he realized she's his friend, and he belongs with her. You can see from the look they share that both of them feel this way. They've come full circle, to a full understanding and acceptance of each other.

Oh helps Tip find her mom, finally fulfilling his promise, and when the Gorg attack and he realizes it's because of the Boov, he tells Tip he's fixing his mistake, protecting the reunited family by making it so they're unable to chase him and be put in danger. He loves Tip, and he wants her and the human she cares most about to be safe. He's not about to let her risk losing that. So, bravely, yet stupidly, he runs to the Gorg mothership and holds up the thing they've been chasing the Boov for all this time. He tries to do it on his own, which is a major sign of his growth as a character, but the only reason the Gorg actually see him is because Tip has his back. He was fully prepared to sacrifice himself. When the ship is closing in on him, and the dust and sparks are blinding him, he turns around, and sees Tip running to him. He smiles, his trust fully in her; if he doesn't get out of this, she can save everyone else. He throws the rock to her before the ship covers him, choosing to put his faith in her in what he believes to be his final moments. He went from caring only about his own survival, to caring about the survival of his best friend, and wanting Tip to help make peace with the Gorg so the Boov and humans can be safe as well.

After we see Tip mourn for Oh before it's revealed that he's okay, she pulls him in for a hug, and he immediately embraces her back, then over Tip's shoulder we see him looking at her fondly, smiling, and he turns a vibrant pink as he closes his eyes and leans into the hug. Just by the look in his eyes in this scene, we can see that he's fully appreciating this being who cared about him enough to listen to him, to stand by him and stand up for him, and run after him when he's in danger. In this moment, he's getting a second chance to embrace her, when he went in not knowing if he'd ever see her again. In this moment it was all worth it. Because he looks at her, and he is home.

50 notes · View notes