#I blacked out and worked 7 hours straight and finished this lol?? hello what was that???

[kritzenkriegen]

It must be genetic

[wroteasongabouther]

I'm definitely gonna need a morning after with that best friend post

bestfriend!harry part 2 please???

Bestfriend!harry is the best consept in the whole world, I love you for writing it and PLEASE post more asap! Literally the best thing I’ve read in ages

That bestfriend!harry was amazing! Will there be a part 2?

You and your best friend did that? HOLY SHIT that’s hot af WRITE A SECOND PART PLEASEEEE

pleaseee do part 2 bestfriend!harry

I would DEFINITELY like to read a pt two of the best friend Harry one is you want to write one !!!!

Could I request a pt 2 to the bestfriend!harry??

YUP SO AFTER ALL THESE REQUESTS I DECIDED TO GET ON THIS AND WRITE A PART TWO

AND YET AGAIN I WENT OFF OOPS

HERE’S PART ONE

“Holy fuck I have the worst headache,”

“Drank too much?”

“Shut up Niall this is your bloody fault and that disgusting flavoured vodka,”

“Didn’t think it was disgusting last night,”

Harry glares at the blonde haired boy while he opens the cupboard beside your fridge and grabs a single serve Keurig cup and pops it into the Keurig. Before he starts it up he grabs a mug, funny enough it’s the one he had bought you for a house warming gift. Printed on the plain white mug was a photo of him in his stupid Miley Cyrus costume, which was oh so flattering. You have a good laugh from it whenever it gets used though.

Remy and Niall start arguing about something in the living room - which was open to the kitchen - as you open the fridge and fill up your glass with more filtered water. As you’re drinking half the glass, the fridge still open and water jug still in hand, you caught Harry’s side glance at you. Your body feels like it’s burning and your head feels like it’s about to explode. Half of this could’ve been prevented if you just stopped what had happened last night. But you knew you wanted it. Question was if Harry wanted it or not.

You fill up your glass again, eyes focused on what your doing, then close the fridge. “Feeling alright?” You ask Harry as he rubs both his eyes.

“Might throw up,” he states.

“Gross,” you chuckle and walk out of the kitchen.

You weren’t going to be the one to bring up last night. Maybe he just didn’t remember, you could live with that right? Pretend that you had blacked out as well and go about your life as normal. Send Harry stupid memes and have him over alone to binge watch The 100 or make ridiculous jokes and sing along to music in his car. Things didn’t have to change because you two got a little too drunk and handsy.

“Rems, are you still gunna hang out today?” You ask while taking a seat on the couch beside Niall. Remy sat on the carpeted floor with a blanket draped over her legs.

“Yeah,” she shrugs, “my roommate had been seriously annoying lately and I like you better anyways,”

“You better,” you stick out your tongue.

“I should probably get goin’, gotta let the dogs out or me mum will freak,” Niall says while standing from the couch.

“How long are you house sitting for again?” Remy asks.

“A week,” he replied while gathering his things. The two of you nod and say goodbye. “Tell Harry goodbye for me,” he says, causing you to look around for Harry. He must’ve felt real sick, probably hugging the toilet for dear life and cursing Niall for giving him more shots after the club.

You had woken up an hour ago, Harry’s body no longer touching yours in any way. Immediately imagines of last night flooded your brain as you heard the light snores from beside you. A stinging feeling was felt in your chest as you overthought everything. Harry didn’t like you, he never did and never would. Last night he got too drunk and blacked out while his horny side took over and got you off. That was that, and now you had to live with it and ignore the hurt inside.

“Jesus, took you long enough,” Remy grumbles while getting off the floor, “first Y/N’s bed and now the loo, what’s next ya gonna steal my car to drive home too?”

“Sod off,” Harry mumbles as you watch Remy walk passed him towards the washroom. Your eyes follow Harry as he walks into the kitchen and grabs his mug full of coffee.

“Feeling any better?” You ask as he takes a seat next to you and sets his mug on the coffee table. You have to curl your legs up as he sits down, but Harry is quick to do as he usually does and grabs your ankles to let you rest your legs in his lap. It’s not out of the norm, yet after last night it felt awkward.

“Not really,” he admits, “Niall leave already?”

You nod your head, “had to let his mums dogs out,”

“Fuckin’ twat didn’t look a bit hungover,” Harry grumbles as he reaches for his coffee, taking a sip before setting it back down. His hands casually rest on your calves and your body sets fire again from his touch.

“Did you sleep alright?” you ask to fill the awkward silence between you two.

Harry nods, “did you?”

“Oh, uh, yeah,” you mumble and look away from Harry as his eyes are on you.

“Good, thanks for letting me crash in your bed,”

“No problem,” you clear your throat and meet his gaze. He had to of remembered, this can’t just be eating you alive. “But next time maybe let Remy sleep in the bed, cause if I have to hear her complain about sleeping on the floor again I’m going to go crazy,”

Harry chuckles and nods, “for sure,” he says.

“I am freaking starving,” Remy shouts while entering the living room again. You sit up striaght, taking your legs off Harry and watch Remy. “Let’s get some McDonalds and then sit and watch shit tv all day,”

“Works for me,” you say while standing up and stretching, “you gunna come along, H?”

“No, I should get home,” he states and gets up slowly from the couch. He reaches for his coffee mug and finishes it before walking into the kitchen and putting the mug into the dishwasher.

You and Remy get ready by the door and as soon as Harry joins you feel tense again. He’s not watching you more carefully than any time before, he’s not making an effort to touch you, he’s just slipping into his boots and jacket before holding open the door for you. Both Remy and Harry wait for you to lock the door then you all make your way downstairs.

“Are you even gunna make it home?” Remy asks Harry, who had to stop once outside to potentially throw up some more.

“Yeah,” Harry swallows and shakes his head, “fuck Niall, that fuck,” he mutters.

You chuckle and bump into him, “maybe I should’ve stayed up, seeing as I’ve got a bigger dick than you,” you tease. It was an inside joke. Harry sniffled during sad films and he complained more than you did. Therefore, your metaphoric dick was bigger than his.

Remy had kept walking towards your car while Harry stood up straight again and took one large step towards you. He was so close, and your breath gets caught in your throat. Flashbacks from last night flood in as you see Harry lips turn up into a smirk.

“Don’t recall you having a dick last night,” Harry says in a low voice.

Your eyes widen in shock from his words as he steps past you. He remembered. He remembered and he wasn’t going to do or say anything else about it either? You shake your head and turn around, seeing Harry step up to his car that’s parked beside yours. This was really happening. You and your best friend casually fooled around last night and were brushing it off casually too. You could do this. Taking a deep breath, you get into your car and start it up as Harry pulls away.

“What’s up with you two?” Remy asks as you drive down the street.

“Nothing,” you say with a shrug.

It was nothing. A one time drunken mistake, right? That’s the page you and Harry were on, right? Fuck this.

Hey you busy tonight?

nope just was gunna stay in tonight actually

Oh, well wanna start re-watching The 100? The new season starts next month

yeah sure! come over whenever

K, probably will be sometime after 7, just at work. There’s so many punks trying to play the guitars today it’s annoying.

show them who’s boss lol

…

pick up some liquor i wanna make it a drinking game lol

I’m down! You need something too?

nope im good thanks tho

…

Come open your door

Hello?

Y/N!!!!!!!!!!!

shut up i’m coming!!!!

“Were you in the shower?” Harry asks as you answer the door with a towel in hand while drying the ends of your hair.

“Bath, actually,” you correct him. Harry closes the door behind him and you want to the couch.

“Nice,” Harry nods and walks into the kitchen. “You use one of those bath bomb things I got you for Christmas?”

“Yup, it was blue and pretty,” you smile.

“Want a mixed drink or the cooler drinks you’ve got in the fridge?”

“Cooler please,”

Harry moves around in the kitchen and you click through your smart TV to get to Netflix to start up The 100. As Harry takes a seat on the couch with you, he passes you your drink before leaning back and relaxing into the cushion he claimed as his own over the years. He once went off about how it had shaped to his bottom one drunk night - arguing with you and Niall, of course Niall was more into the discussion.

Things felt normal. Not like he had fingered your last weekend and now you hadn’t talked about it since. You made up a few starter rules for drinks, ending up chugging half pretty early. By the second episode you were resting your legs in Harry’s lap and finishing your second drink.

“Bellamy is kinda a dick in this season,” Harry states before finishing off his drink too.

“Want another?” you ask while standing up from the couch.

“Yeah, thanks,” he smiles and hands you his glass.

It was the liquor getting to you, as you pour Harry’s drink a bit too strong accidentally, you were day dreaming about dirty dirty things. Screw drunk Harry last weekend touching you like that. Now with a simple look you got even more turned on than before. Before it was a crush sorta feeling, but like you’d always love him and want him. Now you had a little taste and wanted the whole damn cake. You crack open your drink and have a long sip.

How could you do this? Friends with benefits, that is the best angle right? You ponder these things while taking your seat again and give Harry’s his glass. He grabs your ankles and brings your legs up into his lap again - a giggle escapes your lips from his action. While the show plays, you have trouble paying attention. Harry’s gently rubbing your ankles and up your calves.

“So,” Harry draws out the word, causing your head to spin as you look towards him, “are we not talking about last weekend then?” he asks.

“Uh,” you’re so thrown off, “I mean, we can, yeah, sure,”

“You didn’t like it?”

“Uh,” this was really happening, you suck in a deep breath and have a sip of your drink, “I mean, yeah I liked it,”

Harry chuckles and lets his finger tips tickle across your skin, “yeah, stupid question I guess,” he seems nervous.

“Was it a mistake?” you question, the most burning one of all.

“I don’t think so,” he shrugs and keeps brushing his fingers along your skin, “it was kinda nice,” Harry admits.

“Yeah,” you breathe out.

Harry looks up and meets your eyes now. You take this moment to have another sip of your drink. You definitely needed the liquor to get through this conversation. You catch Harry let out a low chuckle before he moves your legs from his lap. Thinking he’s getting up, you sit up some more and move out of his way - only suddenly Harry’s holding himself over top of you, his face is so close you can feel his breath.

“How nice?” Harry smirks, “do it again, kinda nice? Did you want me to get you off again, pet?”

Your eyes flutter closed and then back open again as your stomach twists and turns. “If I’m correct,” you pause and take a few seconds to look into Harry’s eyes, “I owe you one,”

Harry states down at you for a moment, as if he’s trying to figure you out. Then he smirks and moves away from you completely, sitting back in his seat and finishing off his drink. You watch him, confused by what was happening - had you said something wrong?

“As you wish then, pet,” Harry’s voice is rough but then he clears it and motions for to his pants. Your eyes fall to his crotch, and yup there’s a growing bulge against his jeans.

You lick your lips, sitting up and getting off the couch slowly. Nerves come over you as you end up between Harry’s legs. As the show continues on in the background and Harry leans back while his hooded eyes are on you, it’s obvious this night took a turn. You’d blame the alcohol. Finally you suck it up and pull out whatever sort of sex machine was inside of you and reach of the button of Harry’s jeans.

You don’t think, instead you just imagine how good this will be. Pulling down the zipper slowly, you can feel his hard cock. Swallowing hard, you push down the material and let out his pulsating cock. Without looking up you know just how much harry is controlling himself by the throaty sound that comes from him as you run your thumb over the tip of him. So many things are running through you head. But you let them fade away as you lean forward and lick all the way up his shaft before closing your lips around the top of him. You let go on him and look up to see Harry watching you, the list in his dark eyes was obvious.

“Ready for me already, huh?” You question, letting the thickness in your voice stay in hopes it sounds more sexy. Harry let’s out a groan as you flicker your tongue over his tip.

“Don’t be a tease, pet,” he grumbles.

“Not being a tease, am I?” You say jokingly, using an innocent voice while peering up at him again.

“Oh baby,” he struggles as you blow out dramatically through your mouth, only an inch from his tip. “Just put those pretty fuckin’ lips around my cock, pet,” he groans and without another second to staple you close your lips around him. Bobbing up and down on his cock, you hear him groan again and again.

You should’ve known he’d have a long thick cock, especially after last weekend with it pressed up against your bum all night. But it’s surprising as you’re sucking him off, gagging every few motions as you try to force as much of him into your mouth. You like it though. The feeling of his cock hitting the back of your throat. It’s a slutty feeling, but it’s one you’re dreamt of before. Harry whimpers and moans as you keep moving, occasionally popping his cock out of your mouth and working fast with your hand only to have it back in your mouth again.

“Fuck, let’s it, take it all,” Harry let’s out a long loud groan as you push his entire length into your mouth and stop at the base. Your eyes are watering and then you let go as you feel as though you’re about to gag.

There’s no wasting a second as you feel Harry’s hips buckle. He’s close, liking what you’re doing to him as much as you like what he had done to you. You bob up and down near the tip of his cock, lapping your tongue over the tip every few seconds. Harry moans some more and you feel his hand on your head, fingers threading into your hair.

“You like it don’t you, being on your knees in front of me, huh? Like my big cock in yeh mouth, pet?” Harry says through clenched teeth. You peer up at him through your lashes, popping him out of you mouth but working his shaft with your hand as a smile curls upon your lips.

“You like my lips around your big cock, don’t you?” You tease back. Harry cursed under his breath as you quickly suck him off instead of waiting for a response.

You work faster as you feel his throbbing in your mouth. He’s about to burst, you just know it. The hand he had in your hair tightening, guiding you down into his cock as he throws his head back and groans loudly again. His cock twitches in your mouth, any second now and he’s be filling up your mouth. You feel it hit the back of your throat suddenly, the hot salty taste causes you to sit back and stick out your tongue as he comes. It all goes into your mouth, grunts and groans with each spew. After a moment you wrap your lips around his cock, causing another string of moans, before letting his cock free and swallowing.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Harry mumbles with an arm over his eyes and his other hand on his stomach as his chest heaves. You smile, turning around to grab your can to wash away his come.

“Now,” you pause while taking you seat on the couch again, “we’re even,” you smile.

Harry let’s out a chuckle while situating himself back into his pants again. You catch him shaking his head as you focus on the tv across from you. There’s no more words, you know you’d sucked the damn life out of Harry as he stays leaning back in the couch with his legs apart. You can’t wipe the smile from your face as his hand rests on your thigh and you two continue to watch the show and play your drinking game.

“Ha! Murphy threatened someone, drink,” you say before lifting your can to your lips. Harry drinks and pats your leg, pointing at the fact Clarke was giving some shit speech to “the people”, meaning another drink for you both.

Any more of this and you’d be passing out soon from the amount of liquor you’ve had.

[helena-studyblr]

a post no one asked for!

hello so i reblogged a questionnaire a lil bit ago and i’m going to answer them now because...why not

1. how old are you?

im 18!

2.  are you in high school or college(university)?

college

3. what year or grade are you in high school or (university)? 

im a freshman in college

4. what is your school’s grading system look like? do you like it? what problems do you have with it, if any? 

so my university has a standard letter grade system for most classes and pass/fail for some courses that don’t really need a grade. i do like it because it’s what i’m used to, however, a lot of times having a letter grade system can be more stressful because it makes you feel like anything but some kind of A is mediocre and not good enough, when in reality, a 75% or above is better than average.

5. if you are in high school do you plan on going to university or college? if you are in college do you plan on finishing and if you do, do you plan on continuing on to other graduate or professional schools? 

i plan on going to veterinary school after i finish my undergraduate degree! if i end up changing my major to my second choice(music education is my second choice), then of course I won’t be going to vet school.

6. if you are high school what do you plan to study in college, if you plan to go. if not, what do you plan on doing after high school? if you are in college what is your major? do you plan on changing it? 

i am currently studying biochemistry and molecular biology and i have a minor in music! i dont plan on changing it at this point, but if i do, i’d change it to music education.

7. why are you picking or why did you pick what you are currently studying? 

i want to go to vet school, and biochemistry has almost all the requirements for vet school admissions. also, i find it interesting

8. do you go/plan to go to community college, technical college, or a four-year institution? how did you make your decision, or how do you plan to?

i am at a 4 year university, and i went here because it fits what i want to do

9. what factors did you consider when picking a college, or what factors do you plan on considering? 

the college I chose is in my hometown, which is probably one of the deciding factors(i really wanted to be close to home). the campus is very pretty and small as well, and i really wanted to go to a small college. i could have potentially gone to The Ohio State University because i’m about 20 minutes away, but the camous is so big and i know i would have hated it. the school also has a good music program, soi can continue playing even though it isn’t my major

10. what is your favorite pencil?

i love my muji mechanical pencil and also the papermate clearpoint!

11. what are your top three favorite pens?

pilot juice, muji gel pens, and sharpie pens

12. do you prefer wide-ruled paper, college-ruled, dot-grid, or graph paper? 

college ruled is my favorite for class notes, graph paper for revised/nice notes/math work, and blank for planning generally

13. do you use different types of paper for different courses or classes?

i use college ruled for almost everything except math homework(i use graph)

14. do you use a backpack/bag for school or college and what kind is it? why did you choose it? price, quality, function, design? 

i use a backpack, i have no idea what brand it is, but its the perfect size for everything i need to take to classes and its also really pretty(it has a black background with flowers on it)

15. what is your favorite outfit to go to class in and why? 

i generally wear leggings and a sweatshirt/sweater just because they’re comfy and also look cute! if its warm enough, i wear flip flops but if not, i wear my vans or converse.

16. what is something you always have to have in your backpack or bag?

usually my laptop and pencil case

17. what is your least favorite subject and why? 

math!!!!!!! will always hate. guarunteed. 

18. have you ever gone to tutoring, if so, how has it helped your academic endeavors? 

i have not

19. have you ever seeked academic counseling, if so has it helped you?

i haven’t

20. has your mental health ever suffered during high school or college, and what did you do to cope? 

holy shit yes. i suffer from depression and anxiety(depression for almost a year and anxiety for 4 years). i could make a whole post about this but in general, i make sure i give myself time to relax. it can be so so hard to take care of yourself when you suffer with things like this, so even if you can barely get out of bed, try to make time to do things that make you happy. for me, it’s drawing, netflix, and video games.

21. do you like to listen to music when studying? if so, what genre, if you have a playlist share it! 

i do listen to music! i just listen to music i like, which is rock/pop punk/alt rock/etc. (here’s one of my playlists!: https://open.spotify.com/user/helenakitten14/playlist/4R6ZGIlz8K5UDEk80cVfV5?si=cXK0z3HTRUKCQSKx9F8tNA )

22. do you prefer to study at a library or at home at your desk?

depends what i’m working on and how much i have to do. if i feel like i have to be totally focused, i go to the library, but if i have some time to take breaks and get distracted, i just stay in my room. I also hate going to the library on my own, so sometimes i stay in my room anyway if no one can come with.

23. what are your top three items you keep on your desk?

my lamp, my laptop, and whatever drink i’m drinking while working( i always have a drink so i avoid snacking lol)

24. do you feel as if you are more productive during the day or in the evenings? 

evenings for sure

25. if you exercise, do you feel as if it affects your productivity and if so how? 

i do marching band which is usually my exercise, but i don’t work out. working out just exhausts me and i don’t have energy to begin with(ye ye depression)

26. do you participate in any extracurriculars and if so how do you manage your time?

marching band and wind ensemble! i’m also joing KKPsi, which is an honorary fraternity for music service! i am not great at time management, however, i plan out everything to hold myself accountable

27. do you use a bullet journal, a planner, or to-do lists? do you use a combination of all three? 

i use a combo of all three! i’ve been bullet journalling a lot recently, but i also use a planner during busy weeks when i dont have time to make a spread and i make to do lists for weekends

28. do you have a note-taking style?

nothing specific

29. do you have a color-coding system?

i like to make every different topic/spread a different color. also, when i make notes, i like to highlight vocab words.

30. what do you believe is one of the most overrated studyblr trends? 

100 days of productivity. its impossible to be completely productive for 100 days straight. shit happens, and i understand the purpose of the 100 days challenge, but i think it also takes a toll on you mentally.

31. what are your career goals, how do you plan to reach them? 

i want to be a veterinarian or someone that works with animals somehow. i hope to go to vet school and then have my own practice or join another practice.

32. do you use a laptop? if so which model? how does it perform, would you reccomend it? if not, what model would you like?

i use a macbook air! it is nice because it is easy to transport, but occasionally the functionality can be questionable(storage space is always my issue). i do reccommend it, though. if i could get a new laptop, i’d probably get a macbook pro. 

33. do you use a tablet? if so which model? how does it perform, would you reccomend it? if not, what model are you interested in?

i don’t, but i think having an iPad would be nice!

34. if you post pictures to tumblr, do you use a camera or your phone, if so, what is the model? 

i use my iPhone 6s

35. 0.5, 0.7, or 0.9 pencil lead? 

usually .5 or .7

36. 0.5, 0.7, 0.9, or 1.0 pens? 

.5

37. how many hours a day do you spend studying? are your hours consistent daily or do they differ depending on assignments and exams? 

i tend to study for a majority of the day most days, but it always differs. i have no set timetable

38. how many courses do you take? what are they?

so i am in 8 courses right now. Biology, Gen Chem, Bio Lab, Gen Chem Lab, Calculus I, The History of rock n roll, Wind Ensemble, and Marching band.

39. how long until you graduate? in credit hours, semesters, or years?

i still have 3.5 years left of college, which is 7 semesters

40. how did you find the studyblr community?

honestly i dont remember, it was so long ago

41. how did the studyblr community impact you? 

i was in a big funk my sophomore year of high school. i had no motivation, i hated learning, i hated everything tbh. but them i found this community and it inspired me and showed me that studying can be fun and pretty while also being a learning experience!

42. do you go to school in the day or night?

day!

43. what is something you are too afraid to be involved in at school or college and why? 

 in high school, i was very afraid to get involved with a lot of things, such as theatre and some other clubs just because of anxiety.

44. do you type or write your notes? 

i write them mostly, but my biology professor talks really fast so i usually type notes for his class

45. what do you do on your breaks from studying? 

netflix, eat, play video games, probably other stuff i’m forgetting

46. how do you study for math exams?

honestly i just look through lecture notes and hope for the best. occasionally i do practice problems but not often

47. do you rewrite your notes at home after class, or do you just use the ones you have already? why? 

i rewrite them because it helps me memorize things

48. what are your least favorite courses and why?

math of any kind! i also hate biology right now just because my professor sucks

49. are you in a relationship while in school? if so, why? if not, why? 

i recently got out of a relationship, but im open to being in a relationship with someone

50. if you are in a relationship, how do you manage that along with your studies? 

it was very hard to manage it honestly, but i did what i could to make time, even if it was only just having a meal together. 

51. if you aren’t in a relationship, do you plan on entering one while still in school? explain. 

if i find the right person, yea! being in relationsips is great, especially because you have a companion to help you when you’re struggling

52. do you worry about GPA, if so why, if not why?

oh my god yes i do. i have to have a certain GPA to keep my scholarship money and to stay in the honors program, plus i just want to do well.

53. did you or do you plan to take the SAT or ACT, how did you feel about the exams? did you study for them? have you taken it more than once?

i did take both the SAT and ACT. i did well on each, but the SAT was a lot harder for me. I got a 1220(i think) on the SAT and a 31 on the ACT. i took the ACT twice

54. did you or do you plan to take the GRE, LSAT, PCAT, MCAT, DAT (or any other grad exam)? how did it go? how are you or how did you study for it? have you taken it more than once? 

i’m going to take the MCAT

55. do you or did you take AP classes is high school? how do you feel about how they prepared you for college? did your school require you to take the exam?

yes i did take AP classes! i took 9 total, and they overall did help me learn how to manage time better as well as how to study. we weren’t required to take the exams, but i always did

56. do you or did you do the IB program in high school? can you explain it more for those who are unfamiliar with it? 

i did not, however the IB program is basically an intensive high school honors program that is very writing intensive. its like AP on steroids

57. do your or did you take dual-enrollment classes? how did you feel about how they prepared you for college? 

i didnt but i wish i did!

58. how many colleges or universities did you apply to or not? and why?

i applied to 5 colleges. i already knew where i wanted to go, but i wanted to be safe just in case i didnt get in, so i applied to the 5 i was most interested in. I also wanted to see if any other schools would give me a lot more financial aid.

59. how did you make friends in college or high school?

through band! in both situations

60. has your friend group stayed the same throughout your time in school?

yes actually! i’m still very close to all my high school friends and a few of them go to my college as well. of course i’ve met new people but i. also still have the same friends

61. how does your friend group influence your goals?

we all have our own goals, we just encourage each other and act as an outlet for stress

62. what is your favorite thing to learn about in your free time?

music and current events

63. what is your favorite study snack?

i like to eat carrots/pretzels with hummus or oreos

64. what is one thing that can completely make you stop studying? 

being depressed or tired

65. are there days during the week that you keep completely free from studying? 

yes. wednesdays are my hell days class-wise, so i refrain from doing work on those days after my classes are over

66. what do you do when you have to hustle? where do you go? 

i dont know what this means

67. are your parents or family supportive of your goals? if so how does this affect you? 

they’re very supportive!

68. do you like to read? and do you ever have any free time to do so?

i really love reading but i never have time

69. do you wear a watch? why or why not? what kind? 

nope, they annoy me

70. do you like to drink coffee or tea when working? decaf? what do you add to it? why do you like to drink coffee or tea? 

coffee with full caffeine! i always add creamer, and i drink it because it wakes me up 

71. how do you organize your notes after your finish writing them? 

i have notebooks for every class and binders as well

72. what do you do with your notes after the year or semester is over?

i either recycle them if they won’t be necessary anymore or i keep them in my closet

73. what are your favorite studyblrs?

studyign, emmestudies, and a lot more that i can’t think of

74. what are your favorite studygrams?

same as above except add on focusign and revisign!

75. what is the biggest impact a teacher or a professor has had on you?

my band director was very impactful on my life just because he was my teacher for 5 years, so we had a good relationship

76. what is the biggest impact that a class has had on you?

my film and lit class had a massive impact on me. it made me think in very different ways

77. who is your inspiration and who do you look up to academic wise and career wise? 

my dad inspires me a lot because he worked so hard to find a career he loved and kept going until he got there. he’s also endlessly supportive of me

thats it! this took me so long hahaha anyway. thanks for reading!

[inchancesreallifebmoc]

Chance!Cinderella story part 1

Word count: 2,475

Paring: Chance Perez X reader

Inspired by the Cinderella story movie like the Hilary Duff one lol

A/N: sorry if this sucks I’m new to writing and it’s my first time writing Chance also there’s going to be more parts posted !!!!

Warnings: none it’s pretty chill

I’m miserably mopping the floor of the diner again, hoping I’ll be done before my stepmom gets back here. I really don’t want to have to hear her face I can’t handle her bitching anymore it’s too much for me to deal with. Jenny (my stepmom) is the kind of person who is never satisfied with anything. Jenny also despises me, I’m not being dramatic since she married my dad who passed away a few years ago she’s had it out for me. I know it’s cliche to have a wicked stepmother but it’s my reality, and I even have the evil step sisters Brianna and Gabriella. “Y/n are you done yet?” I hear the door to the diner open and my stepmother asks me this angrily “Just finishing up Jenny.” I say from across the diner “Well hurry up you need to pick up the girls dresses from the alterations shop in half an hour and their shoes and masks from downtown after that.” She barks “I’ll leave in 5 minutes.” I tell her “Hurry there’s gonna be traffic and they’ll be closed soon.” She says and walks out the diner. *********************

It’s 45 minutes later and I’ve picked up the girls dresses and I’m on my way to pick up their masks and shoes, I’m about to walk in the shop when I literally bump into someone. “Watch where your going freak.” The person shrieks in a high pitched voice I look up and see it’s Anna Snow. She’s one of my schools elite, literally I go to a super expensive private school and her dad makes so many donations he might as well own it. “Sorry Anna.” I say and go to open the door of the shop quickly trying to get away from her on top of being rich popular and gorgeous she’s also a mega bitch. “You should be why are you even here don’t tell me your going to the masquerade ball tomorrow.” She says angrily. “No just picking up Brianna and Gabriellas stuff.” I tell her quietly avoiding eye contact I don’t fear her the way half the people at school do, or worship her the way the other half does. I simply don’t care about her and try to keep our interactions to a minimum. “Well you should go I hear they’re short handed and and could use another server and that is what you’re know for diner freak.” She says and pushes past me and and walks into the shop. I go in and walk up to the counter a very good looking guy is standing behind the register. He has dark hair and dark eyes and tan skin and a smile that’s got me feeling some kinda way . I recognize him from school his name is Chance Perez and he’s absolutely beautiful and even tho we don’t speak much he always seems pretty sweet. He’s also Anna’s boyfriend, I have no idea what he sees in her besides obviously her looks. “Hey I’m picking up an order for Jenny.” I tell Chance and look down embarrassed that I’m still in my food and bleach splattered clothes from the diner. “Uhhh yeah I got that right here.” He says and turns around to grab 2 bags then returns to the register and hits a few buttons. “Only 2 masks and 2 pairs of shoes?” He asks. “Ummm yeah why?” I ask him “Well aren’t there 3 of you guys your Brianna and Gabs sister right?” “Step sister but I’m not going tomorrow I have to work.” “That’s a bummer I’m sure the dance would be more fun.” “Yeah well tell that to my stepmom.” “That’ll be $174.36” he says and I hand him Jenny’s card. “Eyes off my boyfriend loser.” Anna says coming up behind me. “Come on Anna don’t be that way.” Chance tells her. “I’ll be whatever way I want to be and you’ll not talk to whoever I don’t want you to why are you so interested in diner freaks life anyway?” She asks angrily. Chance hands me back the card. “Actually Anna I’ll talk to whoever I want to and you’ll go to the dance alone we’re done.” He says then hands me my recite and 2 bags. “Have a nice day Y/n.” He says and smiles at me. So casual like he didn’t just break up with Anna Snow in front of me. “What do you mean we’re done? We can’t be done we have to go to the dance tonight I can’t show up alone!” She yells and I actually laugh out loud. “Get out of here freak! ” She screams at me and actually sounds like she’s trying not to cry. I take my bags and head out not wanting to witness the rest of this. Anna probably already wants to kill me for what I’ve seen today.

****************** It’s the next day at the diner I’m working here until midnight tonight Jenny’s orders. She wants to make sure I don’t get to go to the dance because maybe I’ll enjoy myself and how dare I do that. “I still don’t get why those two get to go and you can’t.” Kat says to me when I tell her I’m upset that I can’t go tonight Kat is manager of the diner and was my fathers oldest friend. “Why do I have to work and they don’t ?” I sarcastically ask. “They’re her daughters and I’m trash. That’s why.” I say “Why don’t you just go sweetie you never do anything for your self or get to enjoy yourself.” Marie one of the waitresses here tells me. “I can’t Jenny will pick up the girls at 11:30 and be back here at midnight and she’ll expect me to be here mopping. I don’t even have a dress or shoes or a mask so I really don’t see it happening guys.” I tell them then the diner doors open and I see my best friend y/bff/n walk in dressed in an amazing red gown and beautiful red and black mask,she looks amazing. “What are you doing here you’re going to be late for the dance.” I ask her and see she’s holding a large black bag. “I’m here for you, you’re going to the ball you don’t have a choice. I’ve bought you a dress, shoes and a mask you’re going to come to my house to get ready and I’ll have you back here before the step-monster realizes you’ve been gone.” She says it all so confidently and serious and it sounds wonderful I almost agree then snap back to reality. “Look it’s crazy that you got all that stuff for me and I love you for it but I can’t what if she stops by and I’m not here.” “I’ll cover for you.” Says Kat “Kat you can’t it could cost you your job.” “I don’t care you need to get out tonight go have fun I’ll handle the bitch if she comes here.” She tells me. “Come on you don’t get a choice.” y/bff/n says and grabs my hand and before I can say no she’s pulling me out the door.

*********************

It’s 20 minutes later and where at y/bff/n’s house and she’s doing my makeup. “You’re so pretty, you’re going to look amazing.” She says and applies blush to my cheeks. “You didn’t have to go through all this trouble for me.” I tell her “Yes I did you never have fun and tonight you’re going to. We only have one more year until graduation and we need to spend time having fun together.” “ You’re the best y/bff/n.” “I know, now let’s get going.” She says and we get on our way.

******************* Chances P.O.V. “Why would you break up with Anna now of all times dude. I mean I know you haven’t been into being with her and she’s kinda evil, like I get you breaking up but why before this ball thing? ” My friend Devin says to me. We’re at the masquerade ball and neither of us has a date. I guess it’s my fault Dev lost his date he was going with Anna’s best friend who cancelled on him right after I broke up with Anna. “Look I’m sorry about Ally canceling on you but I just couldn’t handle Anna anymore, like the older we get the more shallow and selfish and rude she becomes, I can’t believe she’s the same girl I started dating in middle school she’s changed so much.” I tell Devin. “Dude it’s been 7 years people change you’re better off without her, maybe you don’t see it but you changed a lot too the last 2 years you’re more serious, you’ve seemed to get your head on straight and started caring about what you’re gonna do after school, and all Anna cares about is high school. I think she’s getting harder to be around and acting the way she is because she knows that after we graduate she looses her control over everything. High school is her domain she knows when it’s over she’ll have nothing.” Devin tells me and what he’s saying makes sense. “You’ve gotta point and we’re at a place where we’ve out grown each other.” I tell him. Suddenly it’s like time is standing still I see an incredibly beautiful girl walking down the stairs of the entrance way, she’s wearing an elegant black gown that hugs her so well and makes you realize what a woman she is. She’s also wearing probably the most elaborate black and gold mask at the ball. She is absolutely breathtaking. No joke like I literally took a deep breath after looking at her. “Who is she?” Devin asks me as he openly stares at her in shock. “I have no idea but I’m going to find out.” I tell him and go to find my way to this girl who has me shook.

“Hello.” I say and go to grab her hand I place a kiss on the back of it and then look to her face “May I have a dance?” I ask her “Yes you may.” She answers and laughs. Another girl comes up behind her “Hey what do you- ” she stops mid question and looks at the 2 of us probably 3 times over. “Oh well never mind your with a nice looking guy I’ll check in later.” She says and walks off. The unnamed beautiful girl laughs, and says “Sorry about my friend.” “Not an issue.” I reassure her and take her by the hand and lead her to the dance floor, happy together by the turtles begins to play when we find a spot on the crowded floor to dance. I place a hand on her waist and keep my other holding on to hers, touching her even though it’s only a small amount of contact feels like fire. She then places a hand on my shoulder. “Chance Perez dancing with me at the ball what a surprising turn of events.” She says as we sway to the music, it’s then that I realize my mask really only covers around my eyes. “Good surprising or bad surprising?” I ask “Not sure yet I’ll let you know.” She tells me as she leans in close to my ear. I smile down at her “So you know who I am do I get to know your name.” I ask “No it’s a mystery tonight I’m not myself and I could be anyone.” She says and her pretty lips form a smile. We continue to dance and it’s wonderful she’s wonderful and I can’t place her but she’s so familiar. Even though I don’t know her name it’s like she’s someone I’ve known for years.

Your P.O.V. ****************** Chance and I are now taking a walk outside the school, he reaches down and grabs my hand and I feel a shock of electricity. He looks so handsome in his black suit, white shirt and black mask. “So do I know you?” He asks as we’re heading towards the green house “Well I guess technically you do but we never really talk.” “I just can’t believe we’ve met before and I can’t recognize you, you’re so beautiful it doesn’t make any sense.” He says. “Okay so how long have I known you?” He asks “Well we’ve gone to the same school since 7th grade, but I don’t think we’ve really spoken until the last year.” I answer him then laugh “How many questions are you going to ask me Chance?” I ask. “As many as it takes for me to figure out who you are.” He says as we enter the green house. “Okay enough questions for now dance with me mystery girl.” He says and turns to face me. “There’s no music though.” I tell him, then I get pleasantly surprised to hear him starting to sing earned it by the weekend. I can’t help but smile and take his hand. His voice is amazing, his hands go to my waist and mine to his shoulders. We’re swaying to the sound of his voice and this moment is enchanting, it doesn’t feel real. We continue to dance as he sings, then he turns and dips me like a legit movie style dip, then he leans down to where I am and presses a kiss to my lips. I feel like I’m being lit on fire. We return to a standing position and he kisses me again, this time the kiss is deeper, hungrier and well hotter. One of his hands comes up to cup my face and the other moves up and down the curves of my back it feels like nothing I’ve felt before. RIIIIINNNG and with a ring of my phone were interrupted. I really don’t want to ruin the moment but I realize it’s probably y/bff/n so I pull away. “I’m really sorry Chance but I have to get this.” I say and answer my phone. “Hey we gotta get back to the diner like right now before Jenny gets there.” She says “Shit shit shit I’ll meet you at your car.” I say and hang up on her. “I’m really don’t wanna go but I have to leave Chance.” I tell him. “What is it like curfew or something can’t I take you home?” He asks pleadingly. I lean it close to him and whisper in his ear. “Tonight was good surprising to answer your question.” I say and with that I turn to exit the greenhouse. “Wait do I even get to know your name?” He yells as I’m almost out the door, I just keep walking he wouldn’t want me if he knew who I was anyway.

[geleenie]

Log: A Journey of a Fangirl

05.17.17

Hello everyone.

I’m writing a post dedicated to seven boys who changed my point of view in every aspect. This might be tiring and I know no one has the patient to finish this but I just want to post and share this for everyone. I’m going to be really thankful if someone will read this.

Please look forward to it.

I’m listening to BTS’ “You Never Walk Alone” album while doing this.

I just want to tell you how much I’m amazed by the group BTS. I’m speaking formally, but I want all of you to know that I’m a very big fan of them – an A.R.M.Y. It’s really amazing how these boys started from the bottom and now they’re getting recognition that they deserve in every part of the world.

As an introduction, let me tell you a story on how I became a fan of them. I actually knew BTS because of my cousin who is a very big KPOP fan and she also introduced me to the KPOP world. At first, she was a fan of both EXO and BTS. While before I was a fan of One Direction, 5 Seconds of Summer, The 1975, and more western bands. I actually used to hate KPOP before (forgive me) because in our country KPOP is has the reputation of being jeje. But anyways, I gave it a try on 2013 I downloaded EXO’s songs – yes I became a fan of EXO first. Once, I even judged a BTS group photo of them wearing school uniforms and they’re like having this photoshoot in a classroom because it was the wallpaper of my cousin’s laptop and I have to use it she even told me ‘forgive me for my wallpaper’ as a joke. Then I had a hiatus with my curiosity.

 I think on the start of 2015, I research about EXO and I really liked them – I even went to their concert in 2016. Then, I stalked my cousin and I saw on her bio and it says ‘kim taehyung’ so because of my curiosity I searched ‘kim taehyung’ on Google. A video compilation of Kim Taehyung showed up and the thumbnail of that video was him and Jimin’s “beach? bitch?” (if you know what I’m saying) and I also saw that he was part of the group BTS. I also searched him on Google images and the first thing that I said was “he’s not even handsome why does she like him” (but man, I was wrong) it contains a lot of fetus pictures of him and I think there was a photo of him where he is pouting. After that, I watched the video compilation on Youtube and I admit, I was entertained by him so I watched more videos of BTS. I don’t know what get into me but yeah 2015 was a year of me stanning KPOP. I used to be a loyal EXO-L but as days passed BTS is getting my attention and I didn’t realize that I focused more on them than EXO.

 2016, one of my most regretful year because BTS went to our country for 2 times to have a concert and I wasn’t able to attend one. First one was the Epilogue and I really had no money that so I can’t attend the concert. But I can remember that I cried on the day that they came here and saw their airport previews (I came home from school and that’s what I’m going to see lmao). The next concert was the MBC Show Champion concert I think? That time I have the money for a Gen Ad ticket but I was in a real dilemma because I felt like it’s unfair if I just came for BTS and they’re just gonna perform a few songs and I don’t even know the other groups that are going to perform. So I didn’t come.

 [~] Let me add something, during the ticket selling of BTS’ TRB concert in Manila it was the same ticket selling for the The 1975’s concert in Manila and I was there during the ticket selling because I will buy a ticket for the The 1975. Before I bought my ticket, there were two girls before me and they were jumping around because they got their tickets and I was wondering what ticket did they buy and I looked at the screen and it says “The Red Bullet tour” with a picture of seven boys in black and then I said to myself “ah it’s KPOP” because I remembered my cousin whaling about it. It’s just a funny story. After all of that – missing Epilogue and Show Champion – I told myself that the next time that BTS would visit our country I MUST ATTEND the concert no matter what.

 Around the ber-months of 2016, my bestfriend (who I used to rant about me missing BTS concerts – became a fan of BTS due to reaction videos that she’s watching), and I was so happy about it! It was also that time that the management who manages KPOP in our country is giving us some hints about iponing (saving) and I was like “holy shit this is it, BTS are coming”. So I bought a coin bank and save some money – even the money that I got from Christmas goes straight through in my coin bank. 2017 around February (I think) came and they announced that BTS are having a concert in our country. I was so shook and I don’t even know how to ask permission to my parents since the last time that they give me a money for a concert was at One Direction’s concert which was like 2 years ago and they don’t also know that I’m a fan of BTS so I was in a real state of panic. My mind is like going to explode because I have some money but I want to be closer to BTS especially that I’m waiting for years to see them (I don’t want to be in the Gen Ad section sorry for being ungrateful to this one). Days past and they revealed the seat plan and I don’t really know what to do because my money is just enough for a Gen Ad section and two of my bestfriends are planning to buy an Upper Box A ticket. I know that my father can add more money to my savings, but I was too scared to ask! But a week before the ticket selling, I finally had the guts to ask my father about it because it’s getting really close!

 Do you want to know how I asked for permission? Lol, I printed it out on a short bond paper and left it in his room before I go to school since he’s driving me to school he would see it  after he drop me off. I was so anxious while I was at our school, my classmates and friends are even wishing me luck. When I got home, I don’t even know but my hands are trembling to see the paper but when I looked at it I screamed because I was so happy that he agreed to it! April 2, it was the day of our graduation and the same as the day of the ticket selling. The ticket selling is at 10 am and our graduation is at 4pm. Around 7am we arrived at the mall and we waited for hours and they finally opened the gates at 10:15AM I was really pissed because of the unfair opening of the gates. My dad told me to go home at 1pm even if I still don’t have a ticket and I was really anxious because it’s been hours at the counter and line is not moving a single inch. But around 12pm a miracle happened and me and my friends got our tickets so we rushed off to go home and had a successful graduation. I actually worked hard to be an annual honor so the concert ticket can be my reward after all of my hardworks since I never asked something from my parents even if I achieve something in school. May 7, 2017 – I finally saw them and it really changed my life.

 BTS, an amazing group of seven boys, I know I wasn’t here during the start of the career but I’m very thankful that I knew them. But even as a fan of them for 2 years, you can really see their humble beginnings and their rich success today. You can really see how they worked hard to receive all of their achievements. You can feel their love for the fans to the point that they unite as not just as a fandom but as a family. What’s more important is the passion that I felt after seeing them live. I actually been in a lot of concerts but I never cried so hard before when I attended their concert. During ‘Not today’ I admit I cried a lot even if it’s just the start, but what amazed me is there were some songs that made me cry like my tears would just fall and I would not realize that I was crying especially on their solo songs. One thing that I felt during the concert was the DEDICATION. It’s just WOW! I just realized how fast the concert went by because they were both talking in English and our native language which is really amazing because it was clean and you can see the perseverance that they had to memorize those phrases and words. They didn’t need a translator the whole concert to communicate with us, isn’t that amazing? What I also liked is the unity of the ARMYs inside the arena especially in singing their songs, fanchants, and doing the fan projects. Their amazing talent to perform live also touched my soul.

 Moving on (wow this is long), this part is where I’m going to tell you on how much I appreciate the members one by one.

 Kim Namjoon

I just want to give applause to this guy. His performance (Reflection) is really heart-touching. How dedicated this guy can be? – from guiding his members, producing songs, his warm words, never forgetting to thank ARMYs, working hard to communicate to other by language, being a leader, and many more. I just can’t believe that someone like you truly exists. Always remember that we’re thankful for you uri, leader-nim! You also have the patience on everything. Your music works are actually a real masterpiece that cannot be destroyed especially that it shows your real passion in this industry. I also want to thank you for being the foundation of the group and without you I cannot imagine what BTS would be.

  Kim Seokjin

I am truly thankful for this guy. His patient is really amazing especially when it comes to the maknae line like he always let them tease him even if he’s the eldest one. Thank you for bringing us jokes and for making us laugh through it (let’s be honest here his jokes are not really funny but what’s funny is the way that he’s delivering it), for taking care of six kids and being like their mother in the group, making sure that they eat well, for being also sweet to the fans (I will never forget the ‘mahal kita’ that he wrote on a paper to show us). I also want to praise you for your great visuals, your amazing vocals, and the most important is your willpower on dancing even if it is your weakest point you worked really hard to keep up with the other members despite of the group’s killer choreographies.  

  Jung Hoseok

A beautiful ray of sunshine. This one really got me during the concert. He was all smiley! Then one second he would turn into a sexy monster. His dancing and vocal skills are really amazing in person! You can really feel his happiness and when he’s there the surrounding’s actually turning into unicorns and sunflowers. As you can see, he’s really one of the most hardworking members in the group – from doing choreographies and teaching the members about the choreography. What I also like about you is you’re never afraid to show you emotions to the fans. He’s also very patient. I really wish for your happiness for a long time ♥ you’re always going to be our hope and angel!

  Park Jimin

To our no. 1 mochi, we all know how much you’ve worked hard to take care of every member. You never let someone left out and there were times that you acted like the oldest brother because of your concern to everyone. I hope that you’ll have more confidence on yourself because honey you’re so talented! You never fail to show how grateful you are to every member and you never fail to be support each one of them. Your thoughtfulness melts our heart as well as your beautiful eye smile. Thank you also for showing your love for us, ARMYs!

  Jeon jungkook

You really deserve the title of being the ‘golden maknae’ hands down! To the youngest in the group, I really have a lot to say to you. I know how much you care for your hyungs and you don’t want to be a burden on their shoulders. You show how strong you are so your hyungs won’t have to worry and I think it’s very thoughtful of you for the members. I also like your carefree personality. You always show how you worked hard on something. Day by day, you made us realize that you’re no longer the baby Kookie that we used to see but now you’ve grown up as a very manly man. But forever and always you’ll still be the baby in the group!

  Min Yoongi

First of all, if Min Yoongi would have his own solo concert I would definitely attend it. If you ever see this guy perform infront of your own eyes, you will never doubt his experience in life and can truly feel every words coming from his mouth are coming from his heart. From being the guy who’s having difficulty to sell his mixtape to a guy who’s now producing songs for himself, the group, and also to other artists. Min Yoongi, you’re really an inspiration to everyone. We all know that you have a tsundere personality and it’s all fine because even if you don’t show it we know how much you love Bangtan and ARMYs. You’ve reached far and became an inspiration to us because you never once gave up to reach for your dreams.

  Kim Taehyung

Get ready for this one. To my ultimate bias in the group, to the guy who made me curious and discover about BTS, can I just tell you how much I love you? No one has actually made me feel like this and it sounds really cheesy because you don’t even know me. I just want to tell you the things that I like about you. I like the way you smile, your deep voice, your funny attitude, your fanservice, how true you are to yourself and to the people around you, your seriousness at times, the way you treasure your family, there’s a lot more but I just want you to know that I love every single thing about you. You make my heart flutter by just seeing a photo of you. What more when I saw you live – I can’t believe how unreal you look but you’re just there infront of me even if you can’t see me from the crowd. I waited for a long time to see you and the moment finally came. I know it’s unfair but I really focused a lot on you during the concert because it might be the last chance that I’m going to see you (but I’m hoping not). After the concert and happenings, I really told myself that the next time that I’m going to see you I hope that I won’t be sections away from you but I’m hoping that the stage and the barricades would just be the barrier between us. I hope that the next time that I’m going to take a picture with you it would not be a standee anymore. Am I dreaming too much? But I don’t think it’s not bad to dream big if what you’re aiming for is your inspiration for a long time. I already told you that I love you but I’m pretty sure that you didn’t hear it because I’m just one of those people who told you that in the crowd. But it’s really nice to shout it out while you were infront of me. I hope that I can tell that to you in person even if you would just take it from me as a fan. I hope that I can thank you how much you’ve changed my life in a better way. Thank you for introducing me to BTS. I love you. I wish for your endless happiness, healthy life and a bright future for you and the boys.

 All in all, thank you BANGTAN SONYEONDAN for touching our hearts with your hardworks. It’s definitely worth it to be destined as your fan because you never disappoint us. You deserve the recognition that you’re getting from your music, your bond as a group, focus and courage. I also want to thank the roots of this group, BANG PD-nim and of course to the staffs who are always taking care of boy – to Big Hit Entertainment. I wish for your long-time success. Now back to the boys, please don’t stop on giving your best and please live happily because that’s what we really want for you. Don’t also forget to be healthy at all times! Please don’t listen to the people who are hating on you and questioning your success because they don’t even know what you guys went through to achieve what you are now.

 Lastly, in my journey as a fangirl I want to give a shoutout to my supportive bestfriends – 7H. To my childhood bestfriend, Ysa. To Zoe, because she’s also my main fam. Of course, to Happee Sy who managed BTS’ concert in our country. I’m really thankful for her because she made it possible for us to see BTS and even gave us hints about it so we can save some money beforehand. To my ever supporting parents you da best!!

 All in all, BTS and to the people who I encountered through this journey, I salute you!

 Yours truly,

Geleen

[pocket-anon]

Operation: First Noel (4/7)

Day 4 of @xhookswenchx's Gutter Flower Secret Santa gift fic! I couldn't do a Gutter Flower gift and not have it include some smut. Not to mention the fact that I haven't written anything really spicy since Scar Tissue, and I needed to stretch those muscles, so to speak. LOL. Hope you enjoy. As I have been all week, I'll do my best to get Chapter 5 out tomorrow, but I'm a little behind on that one and work-related things are calling. Thanks so much to everyone for reading and commenting/tagging as always!

Find it on AO3.  Missed a chapter?  Get caught up here.

Summary:  When the residents of Storybrooke enjoy a rare period of peace over the holiday season, Henry asks his family for something he’s never had - a real Christmas. A series of holiday vignettes. (Captain Swan/Captain Cobra/Captain Charming.  Canon Divergent.  Domestic Fluff, Humor, & Smut.   Rated E purely for Chapter 4.)

Requested tags: @optomisticgirl, @deathbycaptainswan.  Want to be tagged on updates?  Let me know!

Chapter 4: The Cookie Pirate

Killian finds Emma in the kitchen on her Friday afternoon off, more upbeat songs about Christmas playing and the heady smell of baked treats in the air.  Her back is turned to him as she works at the kitchen counter, ponytail swaying and bobbing with a life of its own as she gently rocks in time to the beat.  She peeks at him out of the corner of her eye, a smile curving her mouth.  “Hey.”

“Hello, love.”  He grins.  

As she rotates slightly, his eyes fall to the still-subtle curve of her belly, and his face blooms into an involuntary smile as he approaches, absently removing his hook and setting it on the table with the hollow thunk of metal on wood. “Something smells bloody brilliant.” He shrugs off his coat and drapes it over the nearest chair before clicking his hook back into place and wandering to her side.

“Christmas cookies,” she hums, thick lashes fluttering as his lips find the apple of her cheek.  “For the dinner at my parents’ tomorrow.” Emma gestures at a baking sheet full of star-shaped cookies on the counter in front of him, half of which are neatly covered in white icing.  She picks up an unadorned cookie and draws his attention to the small metal spatula she wields in her other hand, dipping it into a large bowl of icing and waffling it carefully across the cookie’s surface in order to try to cover every square inch.  

Her brow wrinkles indignantly as Killian lifts an unfrosted cookie from the sheet and takes a bite. “Hey!”

He grins, unrepentant, and gives a happy hum as he swallows the chewy morsel.  “Delicious.”

Emma rolls her eyes and swipes her spatula through the bowl of icing again.  “If you’re going to pirate my cookies, at least try them with icing the way nature intended,” she says, reaching across.  He obliges her by holding what remains of his cookie still so she can smear the creamy confection all over the top, catching the tips of his fingers in the process, and she gestures resignedly when she finishes. “As you were.”

Blue eyes twinkling, he pops the rest of the cookie in his mouth in one go, cheeks bulging as he chews.

She chuckles at his ridiculousness.   “Better?” She arches an eyebrow.

Killian nods emphatically, savoring the extra sweetness before he swallows.  “Bloody brilliant,” he says with a wink.  He reaches out and wraps his left arm around her hip to turn her toward him.  “My compliments to the chef.”

Emma smiles as he closes the distance between them, inhaling deeply when his lips find hers.   He grins.  She tastes like peppermint-laced heaven.  He leisurely explores her mouth, and she mewls in that way that tells him she wants this to go past innocent kiss territory, the sound going straight to his groin.  Killian growls in response.  One amazing, unanticipated effect of Emma’s pregnancy, especially these last few weeks, has been a frankly ravenous desire for him at pretty much all times of day, and bloody hell, has he been happy – ecstatic, really – to accommodate her when she’s accosted him in the shower or gotten amorous on the sofa or even – and especially – that day he was doing maintenance on the Jolly and she poofed over during her lunch hour in order to have him three times in his old quarters before straightening herself up, kissing his awestruck face, and poofing back to the Sheriff’s station.

He cups the side of her neck and kisses her deeper, feeling her heart rate quickening as he plunders her mouth, and she moans, throwing her arms around his neck and sinking her fingers into his hair.  “Wanna take this upstairs?” she breathes in between kisses, giggling as he hums his affirmative into her mouth.  He means to sweep her into his arms and haul her away, but even with his eyes closed he can sense the swirl of magical white smoke that immediately engulfs them, and a quick peek a moment later confirms that she’s transported them to their bedroom. He chuckles.  Patience has never been his Emma’s strong suit, especially not lately.  Not that he’s complaining.

They break apart for moment to yank her baggy red sweater up over her head, and a flash of white catches his eye.  Killian gives a little laugh when he realizes that his fingers have trailed a few sugary smears down side of her neck.  He draws her close and gently runs his thumb along the angle of her jaw.  “I seem to have made a bit of a mess here with the icing, love,” he says, ducking his head down with a devilish smile, “Allow me.”  

He plies her flesh with his mouth, attacking just above her collarbone and laving his way up toward her ear, her skin a mixture of sweet icing and salty sweat.  Breathy gasps escape her, her fingers smoothing over his shoulders and lightly clawing at the skin between his shoulder blades, and she palpably shivers when he pauses a moment to suck on her pulse.

Her hands fly unseeing to release the buttons on his waistcoat and shirt before undoing his belt with frightening efficiency, and she hums with satisfaction.  They joked once about how much easier it would be for her to just magic their clothes off, but that was when she’d admitted that she actually enjoys this part sometimes – the part where she gets to pull apart the buttons and buckles that hold him together and peel back the layers, exposing him in a way that is for her eyes only.  Her possessiveness thrills him endlessly; he relishes belonging to her, relishes being the lucky fool that she, the most glorious creature under the sun, chose to be her partner.

He releases her long enough to unfasten his brace and hang it, hook attached, on the looped leather strap he keeps tied to one bedpost just before she pounces again, sealing her lips over his and yanking his shirt tails free in order to shove the open button-down and waistcoat off his shoulders.  Her fingers rake down his chest, and her tongue curls around his aggressively as she allows him to back her up toward the bed, virtually purring when he snakes his left arm tightly around her middle and draws her flush with him so she can feel the firmness of him pressed right up against her center.  

Killian lowers her to perch on the edge of the mattress, and she hastily slips her nimble fingers beneath his waistband and tugs both his pants and boxer briefs off in one downward motion.  Before he knows it, he’s in her hand, her lips teasing his tip, and his head falls backward with a groan as she proceeds to have her way with him.  Oh, bloody hell.  

If her mouth had been heaven before, he has no words for it now, for the way she uses it to surround him with sinfully wet heat and a dancing tongue that swirls and strokes him until he’s all but gone mad with want.  He watches her through heavy-lidded eyes, desperation on his features, and feels himself simultaneously tensing and unraveling at the sight of at her long closed lashes and her hollowed cheeks and the way his fingers sink into her golden hair along the back of her head near her ponytail, and when he gulps her name like a prayer, she smirks and hums delectably and he goes rocketing over the edge with a suppressed roar.

He’s vaguely aware of her sucking him clean and chuckling as she releases him.  She peels off her panties and leggings and crawls backward on the bed, and it’s all he can do not to topple over, bracing himself on the mattress with his hand while he finishes kicking off his socks and shoes and stumbles, knock-kneed, out of the pants bunched around his calves.  Emma giggles as she watches, and he attempts a chiding smile as he joins her near their headboard.

“It’s bad form, love, laughing at a man you’ve just incapacitated like that.”

She arches an eyebrow smugly.  “And here I thought you’d consider what I just did good form.”

He rumbles with satisfaction, angling his body and lowering himself down on his side in order to hover over her without burdening her under his weight.  “Oh that part was certainly good form,” he smirks, seizing her lips once again.  “Great form,” he mutters.  “Spectacular form.”

Emma chuckles quietly into his mouth, and he cradles her face, his thumb drifting across the swell of her dimpled cheek.  Her laughter gives way to a rapturous sigh when his hand drifts down her throat to cup her breast, delicately tweaking her nipple through her black lace bra until it stiffens.  His fingers wander further south then, skimming across the gentle rise of her once-flat stomach toward her mound and plunging beneath the lacey edge of her panties.  

She suddenly snorts and begins to laugh again, and he pulls back reflexively, a curious grin on his face. “Swan?”

Emma continues to giggle, her hand flying up to cover her mouth.  “Sorry,” she manages.  “I just…” She chortles.  “You’re about to pirate my cookies.”  She erupts into full-fledged laughter that makes her shoulders shake.

Killian’s face splits into a wide smile, and he snickers, his complexion going red.  “Is that what we’re calling it now?” he asks, an amused glint in his eye.  

She quiets as he drifts his calloused fingertips lightly down her belly again, gooseflesh rising in their wake, and he hums with approval when they seek her core and he finds her slick and ready.  The little gasp his touch elicits is music to his ears, and Killian watches her expression transform to one of pure bliss as he strokes her deftly.

Emma sucks her bottom lip between her teeth, her eyes falling closed as she focuses on her pleasure, her back arching sinuously.  He works on her a while more before breaking away to sear a path of kisses down her body, ridding her of her underwear and settling his shoulders between her thighs. He flashes her a daring smile before he bows his head and tastes her, savoring the primitive moan that rips from her throat.    

She pants out a quiet curse, her brow furrowed, and one of her hands slides into his hair and urges him on with a gentle tug.  Killian feels himself growing hard again at this little show of aggression.  They both know what she likes, but he never tires of her asking for, of her demanding what she needs from him.  Emma’s cries grow louder and more strident as he continues to worship her insistently with his lips and tongue, her thighs beginning to twitch as the pressure builds and she crests higher.  “Please…”

She gives a ragged shudder, and he takes his cue to insert two fingers into her, and when she whines his name, he hums acknowledgment, pistoning deep inside her past his ring and finally shattering her control with a curl of his fingers.  Emma falls apart around him, collapsing back on the bed, her breath coming in stuttering gasps, and he watches her ecstasy with boundless fascination as he slows his movements and helps her ride it out as long, or perhaps a little longer, than she can bear.  

Her chest is heaving when he withdraws at last, and he smirks like a cad, crawling back up her side to kiss her soundly and let her taste herself on his lips.  “So, darling, how do you feel about cookie piracy now?” he says smugly, brushing his nose against hers.

Emma laughs and takes long moment to catch her breath before she abruptly rolls, shoving him on is back and climbing aboard.  She straightens and pulls what’s left of her disheveled ponytail loose, looking like a wanton angel as she shakes her hair free and finger-combs it away from her face.  Her bra is next to go, and Killian gazes up at her raptly.  Nowhere is he happier than this, at her complete mercy, and his hand and stump settle on her hips as she lowers herself down on him with excruciating slowness and another inviting shudder.  Killian groans at the sensation of being enveloped by her yet again, and she answers with a wicked smile, planting her hands on his chest and rolling her hips deliciously in order to pull a second groan from him.

“Yo ho ho.”

Thanks for reading!  Ready for more?  Click here for the next chapter!

[ecotone99]

[MF] Sunday Scaries

The conversation formatting doesnt hold on reddit copy paste, so its much better read thru link

Linking at Top to not spoil the end - hope thats OK!

https://www.casualblasphemy.com/blog/sundayscaries

​

------------------------------------------

Jesus Christ and Other Swear words

Volume II: Anxiety Rainbow

A Slower Burn to Fiery Finish. About 10-15 minutes

Chapter 2, 3 or 7, not sure yet.

​

​

Chapter III: Sunday Night Scream Into the Void

I lie (awake) to myself

A feeling of impending doom. So many emails. Existential dread and the Sunday Scaries.

I cannot sleep, it is nearly midnight. I have so much to do this week.

I lie awake and try to think of all the embarrassing things other people have done.

I can't think of any, so I go back to remembering my own social failings.

The time I tripped in front of my Crush age 14. My disastrous bangs of just last year. The time I mispronounced Worcheschertshishire in front of my cute coworker. The 23 blocks I walked with toilet paper stuck to my foot and that afternoon tanning in the park with a tampon string dangling from my bikini bottoms. Everyone remembers. I am sure of it. I farted once on a conference call.

Monday is only a few hours away. So many emails and the dishes sit soaking for a third day. I shouldn't have slept in today. I have so much to do tomorrow. I think about every time i've fucked up in my past 30 years.

My anxiety builds and I try again to refocus my attention. I try to remember all the embarrassing things other people have done, but I literally cannot think of any. I sort of remember one of my friends shitting his pants. Was that the day I walked into the sliding glass door. Do you think he remembers? Oh god, was it me that poped my pants? Oh jeez, i said poped, not pooped. Im talking out loud to myself.

Thank god no one is here.

I feel lonely.

----

I eat a CBD chocolate and feel the anxiety of impending doom. So many emails.

I remember. I remember every embarrassing thing I have done in my entire life. I have so much to do this week. So many emails. I have a meeting tomorrow and I don't feel prepared. That time I was left hanging for a high five with my hand in the air. I looked like Hitler with no friends. It is Sunday and life is Scary. So much to do this week. Were they laughing at me? I feel lonely. No one talked to me today. I feel like the Pluto of my friend group.

I decide to crowdsource some self esteem and climb on Tinder.

Left

Left

Right

Match!

Left

Left

Oh damn this guy is hot.

Damn, 5’10

Left

Right

Match!

Left

Left

Right

Match!

Right

Match!

Right

Match!

Every time I swipe right it's a Match. I feel attractive and desirable

Left

Left

ew

Left

Left

Double ew!

Left

Right

Right

Nothing. What!?

I lower my standards

Right

Right

Right

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing

Sunday Feels Scary Again. I have so much to do tomorrow. I don't want to play the game anymore. I fear rejection from strangers. Kinda horny tho. I survey my matches and read messages:

“Hey”

“Wanna Fuck?”

“Nice weather Today”

“Show me your bobs?”

“Nice Feet”

A profile stands out

Blake

6”2’ “Ive never shoed a horse, but I told a Cow to go home once”

I don't really get it, but he's HOT. That fish he caught is HUGE! I climb out of my comfort zone and message first. I've never done this before

“Hey” she wrote with butterflies

….

…….

………..

18 minutes pass. Nothing.

I go back to swiping unenthusiastically

Right

Right

Nothing.

I feel like a Moth in a world of Butterflies. Undesirable.

OH GOD. I research gravity blankets and take a xanax. I think of Cocoons.

I fall asleep lonely horny disappointed anxious and 8% numb. So many emails. Maybe I can do the dishes tomorrow after work, the gym, and picking up my prescriptions. I shouldn't have messaged him. I need groceries. That time I tripped on the bleachers and Becky laughed at me. I run through the grocery list in my head. Eggs, avocados, kombucha, spinach, Shame, paper towels, CBD chocolates. I feel weird.

------

I survive another week with espresso and antidepressants. It was hard. I am so tired. I am so tired all the time. Its sunday night and I feel The Doom coming again. I batten the hatches and prepare to wait out the emotional storm under the weight of my new Gravity Blanket. Its heavy and sweaty and I regret buying it. My anxiety rises to new highs and I feel like an idiot. Thank god no one is here. I feel lonely.

Ping!

Blake: :Me

“Hey ;) still up?”

I think about unmatching to teach him a lesson for not replying to me last week, but digital or not, I really need this distracting attention.

“Maybe ;) whatcha doing?”

Trying not to think about Monday LOL

LOLOL Same Same. Sunday Scaries :o

LOL I KNOW! Just gotta get through this week,

I am getting a puppy on Friday!

Puppy! What kind!?

A Frenchi :) her name is Luna

OMG NEED!

You have any pets?

Nooooo :(

You can come play with mine!

Cats or Dogs?

YES PLZ! I grew up with dogs :)

What was the name of your first pet?

Daisy :) she was so sweet

Awww, where did you grow up?

Seattle, just moved for a new job

It's hard being in a new city!

Well I can show you around!

What is your job?

Never been to Seattle, were you born there?

Born in Suburbia, lol

a little town nearby called Auburn

I work for a company that has meetings

I have a friend from Auburn!

LoL what do you meet about?

No way!

We meet about other meetings

Yea, did you got to Westside Elementary?

Eastside

Oh nice, her mom was a teacher there

Did you have Mrs. Ellison for 1st grade English?

I don't remember a Mrs. Ellison?

I had a Mr. Gardner

Oh lol. U like cars?

Sort of

I just got a new one :)

What was the make and model of your first car?

Wow! You are having quite the year!

Lol 1994 black honda civic. The dream

You sound like a Capricorn

Virgo!

Oh nice, when is your birthday?

August 24th, 1990

Just got a pic of my puppy, wanna see?

OMG YES

206-390-0345

I like Capricorns ;)

Oh god that sounded desperate

Texted you

Didn't get it!

Tried again

Nothing :(

Lol new phone too, I think its fucked tho

Whats your email, I wanna show you my bb pup!

Lol look at you Mr. New

[VeganJessica3@gmail.com](mailto:VeganJessica3@gmail.com)

….

……

……..

Did you send it?

…..

Hello?

Fal Asleep? lol

Ping!

An email arrives to my racing heart. He's so inquisitive! New car and a puppy! I wonder what he does for a living? Such a Gentleman, that was a whole hour of texting and he didn't even ask for nudes. I click the notification but my email won't open.

Please login to continue. I type my password “Daisy123”

Incorrect password/email combination

Please try again

Oh, is it lowercase?

******3

Please Try Again

*****3

Please Try Again

******3

Please Try Again

Ugh im so tired, I can't even type right. I'll leave it for morning

--------

MondayVegan Jessica III sleeps well in dreams of Blake, Frenchi’s and Avocados under the weight of her anti-anxiety gravity blanket. She wakes with a smile and grabs her phone eagerly.

Please Try Again

Please Try Again

Vegan Jessica III eats her last free-range Avocado on a piece of whole-wheat gluten-free non-cruelty noGMO carboloaf. Num!

Please Try Again

Fucking Annoying!

I switch over to my work email and begin responding to CC threads as I walk to the train. I meet with my team and we plan our next meeting. We have a great plan to plan.

I get home exhausted. I am so tired. We met for three hours and planned for three more days of planning meetings about meeting plans. I log in to tinder and check my messages. Nothing. I take a xanax and go to sleep. The dishes are molding and i'm out of avocados.

Tuesday

I wake stressed and skip breakfast. I head into work and drink espresso. We meet again to discuss our plan to plan. Everything goes as planned and we adjourn. I get out of work 15 minutes early and swing by CVS Pharmacy for LaCroix and drugs.

Some freak in a fedora oggles my breasts through my oversized sweater. What is he even looking at?

“Hi, yes, prescription pickup for Vegan Jessica III. It should have been called in Monday”

“Sure thing, insurance and ID please. Have a seat, it'll be about 15 minutes”

Pharmacists are just drug baristas, change my mind. I wait 45 minutes for the man in the never-dirtied lab coat to grab a prepackaged bottle of prozac from the wall. I hand him my credit card.

“Im sorry Ma’am, your card was declined, do you have another?”

The word ‘Ma’am’ turns three of my pubic hairs grey. It makes me kind of miss that creep in the fedora surveying my body.

Are you sure? Can you try again

Yes ma’am, the card is declined. Do you have another Ma’am?

Ma’am

Can you try calling them? I left my debit at home and don't have any cash.

I glance at my Fitbit. The time is 6:01pm

Its after 6pm Ma’am, you'll have to wait till tomorrow.

I leave the CVS and the pharmacists spends the next 30 minutes placing the bottle of pills back on the shelf.

----

I go home feeling frustrated. I skip the mailbox, dishes, dustbunnies and head straight for my bed. I pull the gravity blanket over my head like a ghost and feel a little better. I eat a half a pound of CBD chocolate and feel much better.

I log into Tinder. Fucking Blake ghosted. Unmatched. Under my blanket I get scared of ghosts and eat another ¼ pound of CBD chocolate.

Wednesday

I wake feeling like shit. I don't know why. I feel stressed. I call in sick to work and take a xanax and go back to bed. I awake to a phonecall from an unknown number. Fucking spamassrobocalls. I scream FUCK YOU to 1s and 0s. There's a panic rising in my throat.

I haven't checked my personal email in days now and try to log back in. I click password recovery and an email is sent to my old college email | [VegetarianJessica@college.edu](mailto:VegetarianJessica@college.edu). Ugh I can't believe I used to eat honey and drink milk with my coffee; I feel ashamed of my former self. It feels like a Sunday, but it's only wednesday.

I try to login to my old college email to recover my password for my post-college email.

I try to remember my old password

Please Try again

I try all my old combinations

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Lockout timer 29:59..

29:58….

29:57….

Ugh I hate this shit.

Trying to recover a password to recover a password. Did I type it wrong? Was it capitalized? Am I just not remembering it right? Was the ‘I’ a “!” ?? Was there 123 at the end, or maybe beginning?

I need to set my passwords to things I can never forget. Maybe take a lesson from Sunday. Shame and Trauma seem to make for fantastic passwords.

MyFatherAbandonedOurFamilyIn1997!

That's not something im likely to forget

I spend the next 29 minutes finally doing the dishes and feel a little better.

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Lockout timer 59:59

FUCK

I hate this shit. I click the password recovery button on my college email and a third is sent to my very first email address. [Jessica1990AuburnWA@aol.com](mailto:Jessica1990AuburnWA@aol.com)

I go to AOL.com and try to login

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

It feels like im opening those Russian Dolls. Every time I open one, another is there. The Russian Nesting Dolls of Digital Frustration. Please Try Again Later.

Recover the password

to recover the password

to recover the password

Please Try Again

I channel my frustration and hit the gym. Pilates class with Pontious. I stop on the way home and Scream into the Void. I feel a little better.

I check the mailbox before the stairs.

I turn the key and an avalanche spills out. Envelope after envelope, it seems unending. They just keep coming. The cascade flow dries to a dribble and I reach inside to scoop the rest of my mail out.

My arms are full of dead trees and I feel sad. Plus its like super heavy after an hour of cross planking. I ascend the stairs and unlock the door with my keys in my mouth. I push the door open with my forehead and dump the heavy mess of envelopes and magazines on the floor.

A Victoria Secret catalogue catches my eye. I make a mental note of my despise for their company message and start perusing the pages. What kind of image are they putting in the heads of young girls. False standards of beauty. Where are the real women! That bra is like super cute tho. I order three in different colors but my card is declined. The bras never come, its ok tho, they wouldn't have fit me anyway.

When my card is declined I think of Blake’s rejection again. Ghosted. What an asshole. Whatever he's probably just another pig who gets off to Victoria Secret models and supports an impossible standard of beauty. I am now convinced Victoria’s real Secret is mainstream distribution of introductory pornography to young boys in suburbia. That's a big mental leap to take from subquality prethought, but I think it's important to note where some of these idolized false standards of beauty start. They start with aging young Mother’s ordering VS products and catalogs to catch renewed interest from their lazily inattentive husbands and trickledown pornoEconomics recycles the catalogs to prepubescent boys. Hidden and stolen, they are a prime middle-school currency. The image of Desire becomes fixed in pubescent development and the path upscycles again.

I throw the catalog away disgusted and pick up my copy of the much more realistic Vogue. I eat more CBD chocolate and forget to call my credit card company. I fall asleep with fragrant advertisements and two miles of photoshop-smoothed Gigi Hadid legs on my face.

Friday

It's a beautiful morning and i'm feeling rested. I don't know what happened to Thursday. We have a brief meeting about next week's meeting and are dismissed early. Summer Fridays are the best! I meet up with my besties and we dress up to impossible standards of beauty.

Thin pink straps patterned with “VS VS VS” loop my shoulders out of my strapless black dress. Clash is in. I think it looks cute even tho the bra doesn't fit well. I lace up my gladiator platform cork wedges and we head out for a night of dancing.

I dance next to my ugliest friend and bask in double attention.

Buy you a Drink?

Wanna Dance?

Ever Ride a Motorcycle?

All eyes on me. I dance and twirl and snort the night away. This cocaine is fantastic. My credit card still doesn't work so I have boys buy me drinks. I black out a bit and wake up in my Uber home. Its light out and the birds won't shut up about the stupid sun. My heart is beating arhythmically and I feel weird. A feeling of impending doom is brewing and it makes me feel weirder - it's not even Sunday.

I sober up a bit, but can't sleep. I decide to finish the vial of cocaine I took from that boy and do some housekeeping.

I take the trash out and open my computer. I feel inspired to clean and conquer.

I will recover my password!

I see a button for ‘alternate recovery options’ on my ancient @aol email and click

A series of questions challenge my identity

“Date of Birth”

August 24th, 1990

“What was the name of your first Pet?”

Daisy

“What was the name of your 1st grade English Teacher?

Mr. Gardner

“What City Were you Born in?”

Auburn

“What was the Make and Model of your First Car?”

1994 Black Honda Civic

And just like that I'm in! I recover my password and recover my password and recover my password.

The russian dolls reassemble and my anxiety plummets

--------

----

---

Until I open Gmail to a Nightmare

The realization grips me. The Saturday Scaries are Real. I spring to the 4 foot foyer of my apartment where the non-fashion-catalog remainder of my mail avalanche sits piled like rubble.

I rifle through envelopes and cut my finger. It really stings. I suckle a droplet of blood and read the envelopes

Chase | Amex | Credit Karma | MasterCard | Kohls Discover Card | ATT | SPRINT | T-Mobile

Bills. Bills of all kinds. Bills of all shapes and sizes. Bills Not mine, but mine. An acre of rainforest in bills.

My iphone rings and my phone wont open. Panic Panic Panic. Saturday Scaries. I pull my bleeding finger from my mouth and the iphone recognizes my face. I answer the call

“Ma’am i'm calling from TransUnion Credit Reporting, we've seen some unusual activity on your report this week, can you confirm opening the following 227 Credit Cards on Sunday between the hours of 11pm and 4am Monday Morning?”

(This phone call 97% actually happened)

My vision spots and I hit the floor.

___

I awake Sunday. My head is throbbing and my finger hurts. I look at the papercut and it stares back with green eyes. It smells like Almond Butter, but the gross GMO kind. I put CBD oil on it and leave the house.

I head to the hospital, but my credit card is declined. My finger is green to the knuckle and it definitely feels like a Sunday.

I head home and curl up in my bed. With my green arm I pull the gravity blanket over my head and cry. I fall asleep feeling scared and not safe.

I wake to pain. The green has spread throughout my whole body. I feel weak. I need to go to work. So many emails.

I feel The DOOM

I try to lift the gravity blanket, but I am weak and it is too heavy.

The longer I stay, the weaker I become. Days pass and I miss meeting after meeting. I sweat profusely trapped inside a cocoon of anxiety. Unseen emails pile up and add to the weight. My phone is out of battery and I can't reach past the blanket for my charger. I need water. I really need water.

I feel The DOOM

I think of blood poisoning and my plummeting credit scoreThe Chrysalis hardens to reject the outside world

It becomes my Tomb. I feel safe here.

Immune to Anxiety

No emails, no meetings.

The DOOM fades to black and so do I.

submitted by /u/Beerandcabfare [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2QcBhf7

[bes52617-blog]

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

- I Think God Can Explain by Splender - Steady My Heart by Kari Jobe - Supermarket Flowers by Ed Sheeran - Imagination by Shawn Mendes - Dangerous Woman by Ariana Grande - Terrified by Katharine McPhee ft. Zachary Levi

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

My best friend in US.

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“Oh, is it now?” she asked. (Looking for Alaska)

4: What do you think about most?

Yung mga taong ‘di ko na dapat iniisip. Sigh.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

Oo meron nga.

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

With clothes on.

7: What’s your strangest talent?

Parang wala, haha.

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Yes, poem and songs (haba ng hair hahaha ;P).

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

Hindi ko pa na try haha.

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

Claustrophobic ako so... ayun.

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

Ew, no.

13: What’s your religion?

Wala ata, lol. But I do believe in God.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

People watching lol.

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Both :p

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Coldplay.

17: What was the last lie you told?

“Okay lang.”

18: Do you believe in karma?

Yeah, both good and bad karma.

19: What does your URL mean?

Bookweeeeermchikabebs

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

Idk, basta alam ko weakness ko mga sweet na tao lol.

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

Chris Evans.

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Nope.

23: How do you vent your anger?

Pulling my own hair =))

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

Yeah, I collect books yung mga paperbacks. Pero kapag may nagbigay ng hardbound okay lang din ^^

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Talking on the phone.

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

Yes, I am happy.

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

I hate the sound of a ticking clock; I love the sound of the rain

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

What if naihulog talaga ako sa hagdan dati, nabuhay pa kayo ako?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

I believe in evil spirits so yeah, I think meron talagang ghosts but aliens? I dunno.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

Left, heater; right a book.

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

Amoy vanilla. Nagsindi kasi ako ng kandila dito hehe ^^

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

Siguro sa Divi kapag yung malapit na mag christmas.

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

East Coast :p (Gayahin ko lang si bes haha)

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Mmm.. Isip pa ako ;)

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

To live, to love others, to enjoy the nature, to eat, to read, to love yourself.

36: Define Art.

Expression of creativity.

37: Do you believe in luck?

Yes, I do.

38: What’s the weather like right now?

Maulap, malamig, masarap matulog ;)

39: What time is it?

2:06pm na dito.

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

'Di ako marunong mag drive. Haha..

41: What was the last book you read?

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Nope.

43: Do you have any nicknames?

Yes.

44: What was the last film you saw?

Movie adaptation of Before I Fall.

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

Wala.

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

Yes ^^

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

M&M’s :D

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

Straight.

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

Yeah, kami daw nung best friend kong 17y/o haha! Mga malisyoso.

50: Do you believe in magic?

Maybe?

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

Hindi ko alam, pero matagal kasi ako magpatawad :/

52: What is your astrological sign?

Libra.

53: Do you save money or spend it?

I save it.

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

Fries and burger sa branch ng Jollibee dun sa airport. Mag iisang taon na hahaha :))

55: Love or lust?

Love.

56: In a relationship?

Yes.

57: How many relationships have you had?

'Di ko binibilang haha.

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

I can’t :))

59: Where were you yesterday?

Dito lang sa condo.

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

None.

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

Nah.

62: What’s your favourite animal?

Dogs and rabbits ^^

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

Wala, secret weapon? Bakit, sasabak ba tayo sa gera? lol.

64: Where is your best friend?

Somewhere in US.

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

Blog lang ni bes ^^

66: What is your heritage?

I am a Filipina from Mars. :p

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

Tulog na.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Wala siyang apelyido~ (bagsakan song lol)

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

Minsan.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

Yes, kahit alam kong mahilig akong manermon :))

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Tatawagan ko best friend ko.. Bes, tulungan mo ako kawawa naman si doggy chuchu. Malilate na ako. HUHUHU =)))

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a. Oo, sasabihin ko b. Babalik ako sa Pinas

c. Oo.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

Love.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Superstitious by Stevie Wonder

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

0209.

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Intimacy, commitment and communication.

77: How can I win your heart?

Love me unconditionally.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

Yeah, siguro.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

Patawarin yung tatay ko kung ano mang ginawa niya sa’min ni mama dati. Para sa’kin best decision pa rin yun kahit ngayon parang balewala na naman ako sa kanya ^^

80: What size shoes do you wear?

Size 4.

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

I shall return. LOL. Hindi ko alam, hahaha

82: What is your favourite word?

Okay :))

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

Love <3 Heart heart :))

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

“Okay lang.”

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

Attention by Charlie Puth

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

Black, white and beige.

87: What is your current desktop picture?

Wala, color black lang siya. Ayaw kasi gumana nung licensed OS ko. Sa pinas ko kasi binili yun, tch.

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

Pag-iisipan ko pa, joke. Hahaha. Wala naman.

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

“Naka move on ka na ba?”

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Sisigaw ako nang sisigaw hanggang magising lahat ng mga kasama ko sa bahay para puntahan nila ako sa kwarto ko. =)))

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Teleportation :D

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

Jan.4, 2016 para maexperience ko ulit na ipagluto ako ng almusal ni mama at asikasuhin bago pumasok sa office ^^

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Yung nakikita kong nirerevive si mama. Sobrang sakit po, di ako makahinga > <

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Adam Levigne o kaya si Zayn Malik

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Florida :p

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

None.

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

Nung bata pa siguro ako :))

98: Ever been on a plane?

Yeah.

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

Hello world…! xDD

—

-G