#I can't shut my hell

[inchidentally]

I just love everything and every little detail about the Landoscar dynamic. It's so captivating. The pt. 2 video of the mid season celebration just showed another layer.

Oscar is the typical mischievous introvert who teases the unhinged extrovert to do the crazy things for him, for his own amusement. And Lando will just cave because I don't think he can say no to Oscar, even if he wanted.

no fr anon the fact that Lando likes being able to wheedle and fuss and complain around the people he loves but is otherwise extremely shy around new people and finds it difficult to navigate new places without friends or his team around to help… while Oscar is overall quiet and lowkey but can get extremely mischievous and actually prefers to navigate new experiences and places all on his own… Lando thrives on consistency and feeling comfortable… Oscar is super flexible and happy to make sure other people are comfortable… Lando is extroverted in that he thrives on being around people but introverted in how he'll only relax and let loose around people/places he knows and trusts (having multiple sets of friends groups for different activities etc, keeping tons of friends for over 10 years) Oscar is extroverted in that he rarely if ever seems daunted by wherever he finds himself and never 'performs' or loses his self-confidence but introverted in how he'll prefer a one-on-one chat in a club over being in the middle of the action and needs a certain amount of time and space all to himself… the way their little 'games' are Lando whining and misbehaving to get Oscar to do what he wants and Oscar's is to get a twinkle in his eye and bribe or connive to get Lando to misbehave with him…

and bc I think maybe the air temperature in fandom about Hungary has reduced enough, Oscar fully knowing that Lando - like any driver!! - will have to be pushed and forced over team orders no matter what the circumstances (Oscar is quieter about it but no less reluctant) AND that Lando will require space and time to come down off the emotions after the race because that's always when it's most difficult for him (and the media know this ie them creating the Lando/Max drama). Lando literally saying he remembered what Oscar's "done for him in the past" and all the times Oscar's been so happy for him after team orders and like my god for ppl who know Lando !! his reactions to the media immediately after that race were the purest proof of his respect for Oscar and their partnership by him overcoming that initial tidal wave of personal disappointment and anger. Oscar moving to stand close to Lando at Lando's plinth and Lando reaching that hand out to him and them sharing that baffled smile between each other bc it's just A Lot but the one thing they know is that none of this situation is something to take out on each other. (and oh !! the poetry of brocedes between them !! the contrast of a different generation and intimacy being mistaken for understanding - compared to landoscar choosing understanding over immediate intimacy) but Oscar didn't push any further into Lando or ask for anything else and Lando fought to give that smile every time Oscar looked at him and like !!!! they gave each other things and then gave each other space !!! and chose to see out flight delays in a little group and then playing a board game in an even smaller group! and so many ppl haven't fully appreciated that they've always done this before I think bc it was sort of expected by Oscar's position in the team for him to obey team orders, even when it really hurt. and definitely bc a lot of folks see Oscar's calm demeanor and think he isn't burning up over giving up a lead or losing out on a podium in exactly the same amount every driver does. but as Lando keeps reminding even his own fans, he knows what Oscar's done for him <3

and the cameras and media back at MTC clearly had Lando thrown back into that feeling of quicksand over every single thing he said and how he said it and he'll have fully witnessed how his own friends and family and hardcore fans will have felt and how often can he reiterate something before someone decides to accuse him of just delivering a PR line and uuggghhhhhgg. but then !! Oscar breezes in full of mischief and smiles and standing tall and proud !! and Lando can giggle and step back and breathe a little from the weight of The Narrative bc the more Oscar keeps refusing to let it settle over them the less interest others will take! if Oscar won't be drawn into anything about the team orders or Lando then The Narrative will slowly lose all it's color and interest and Lando can breathe and disappear into the break. bc for all that he has experience on Oscar, he does not have experience of this situation at all!! and Oscar bearing them up through it with that same unflappable calm while Lando writhes and grapples with it inside himself is just <3<3

and it all boils down to what's compelled all of us into their dynamic so deeply despite them not baiting with fake gay or bromances or publicizing a friendship in a way that usually gets us invested. they talk and they communicate and they allow space to learn each other and to react and behave instinctively. on the one hand they already have a shared wavelength that's gotten noticed by pretty much everyone and we get glimpses of how they hone in on talking about things with just each other kind of forgetting that cameras or other people are around. but on the other hand they still watch each other talking and reacting SUPER closely at times and keep fumbling around the concept of their rivalry and their partnership in this conflicted and clearly kind of anxious way. they'll have certain people in their lives pushing for them to say to hell with being friendly with the other guy - then they'll have Andrea and the team negotiating life at the front and keeping both cars there - and then the fact that when all that pressure is lifted, they have a genuine fondness and gentle affection for each other that would make them easy friends in any other circumstances.

and that's why it makes all the more sense why they choose to not broadcast to fans when they spend downtime together or give us their relationship in any kind of packaging. they're not hiding it but they're not letting us into a share of that space. as a few of Lando's friends/colleagues showed that weekend, a lot of unnecessary mess gets created when people can't separate work from private life feelings. and it's why Oscar has wisely asked everyone in his own private life circle to limit their opinions and commentary - Nicole's podcast ep was about Oscar as a person and only a bit about him as a driver. just like how Lando and Oscar don't hide anything about their dynamic or their partnership at all - even down to saying how they need to do more sports together - but they're not going to consider fans or PR at all when it comes to developing that dynamic and partnership. private but not hidden or secret.

so it's ended up as this rare experience of watching them both openly get to know each other, negotiate the honestly dizzy fast experience of going from a backmarker team to both being top 4 in the WDC in under 2 years together - and in a car that is identical between the two of them and that they've both developed with open communication between both garages. in being so open and honest about all of those experiences, their personalities have revealed themselves gradually to each other and honestly to fans as well.

which is why everyone who thought Hungary would be followed by a massive dry spell or just angsty/fix it fic was way off - nobody's into landoscar bc they're another perfect bromance where all we want is sunshine and positivity - and they're honestly not even yaoi fodder. they're so gd compelling for authors especially bc they're in so many ways equally softly rounded and hard edged and their dynamic is so effortlessly sweet in some ways and so intriguingly complex in others. Oscar only talks about Lily the same way he talks about Lando (when it comes to non-racing stuff). Lando reveals a more vulnerable, quieter side with Oscar that you don't really see in him with other drivers and even a lot of his mates. but then they're both identical in their determination and focus and desire to win that would be like drift compatible but in this case they're also each other's opponents.

they don't spend as much social time together as they have with other teammates, but they have a level of understanding each other and improving each other they've never had before. they don't go clubbing regularly but they finish each other's sentences. etc etc etc.

they get thrown into one of the most dramatic racing/team orders scenarios at a point in the season when it's even more dramatic, but they remain steadfastly resistant to the divide being pushed by fans and the media with a maturity that I hope more people give them credit for considering how young they are ????

and again, I don't expect them to be able to have such smooth sailing as time goes on and McLaren are eventually dealing with two number one drivers. but !!! their maturity and understanding of each other will also only increase so !!! they're just very very very exciting to watch and talk about and write fic about !!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

PD-MDZS: The Hallmark Episode.

[orengejoshi]

Pregnancy as a kink makes me uncomfortable so man am I glad your pregg Flug stuff is explicitly not kink oriented!

yeah I... don't wanna judge anyone... but it's more than that, it's downright terrifying to me. Blame my hormones bc I'm expecting irl but wow... I'm very sensitive and it feels dehumanizing. but ig that is kinda the point of the kink(?)

it's so common in fandoms!

I'm completely vanilla anyway tho, so not surprising.

I've tried to pretend for a super long time that I'm into kink, but most of them are off putting and I consider them intrusive thoughts, not fantasies. I'm kinda fluctuating between sex-repulsed and neutral (aroace) even fictional... ig kink just isn't for me. I tried so hard to get over it. I know some people in my asks/requests are gonna be disappointed but I'm sorry💔

I'm slightly ashamed of how boring I am and I have serious trouble connecting to anyone in fandoms due to this actually🤕 feel like the most NT autistic person ever.

anyway here's a doodle!

[optimistic-autistic]

nothing so aggravating as seeing people claim what Hades did was just a misunderstanding because he ''loved Persephone too much''. like i don't know about you, but it's pretty hard for that to turn into building a town based on slavery and later getting a girl and assaulting her (even if it's just implied, he still at least had to pretend to do something like it, because his goal was to make Persephone mad).

[somegrumpynerd]

This little interaction made me so happy! Killer really fought through Dream to give Cross his necklace back

Asjlkhdkgkd I'm so glad you liked it!! I had fun putting a little story into that one ^^

And, because I am normal and don't think about these guys for hours every day, here's some backstory:

When Cross first joined, Killer actually took to him pretty quickly (Dust and Horror did not get warm welcomes). Which is to say he immediately started flocking to Cross to annoy him and compete with him on missions. Cross didn't have the benefit of knowing Killer already to see these were affectionate annoyances, so to him Killer was just some guy who had a problem and wouldn't leave him alone.

During that mission, Nightmare was calling a retreat when he put a hand to his chest and realised the heart locket was gone. Killer saw him looking all around frantically and had a good idea what was lost, since it was the one thing Cross would absolutely not part with since he joined. So, Killer ran back out towards the stars to look for it, because why learn self preservation now. It was the first thing to convince Cross that Killer actually was being (relatively) friendly, despite all the annoyances.

And also, a doodle of the afterwards of that picture

because it's probably the only time he's managed to get Killer to shut up lol

[momochimchim]

Silly thingies, dw abt it...

[possamble]

What are your headcanons about Marcille's mom if you have any? It's interesting that what drew Donato to her was cause she lived the history he studied, or that was said somewhere at least. She must've had an interesting life.

so this was going to be just a normal answer but then I realized I have a Lot of Things To Say. so here goes, a compilation of what we know for a fact from the canon, what I've extrapolated from the visual cues and details, and my theories based on all of that.

Things we know for a fact about Marcille's mother because they were explicitly stated in the manga and supplemental materials:

She was a court mage for a Tall-man kingdom at the southern part of the Northern Continent

Donato, a court historian, fell in love with her because she had lived through the history he was studying, and he courted her for 17 years (age 15 to 32) before getting married

She was a cheerful person who rarely showed extreme emotion and took things as they came

She always cooked a huge meal for Marcille on her birthdays

She remarried a gnome after Donato's death and a short distance away from Marcille's childhood home

Pipi, Marcille's pet bird, was actually older than Marcille and originally belonged to her mother (bird died at 62)

She was extremely heartbroken when Donato died and ultimately ended up instilling a deep fear of mortality in Marcille with her words

the only time she showed extreme emotion in front of her family was when Donato could no longer eat his favourite dish near the end of his life.

She scolded Marcille for being cruel to ants (implying she can have a stern side when needed)

Things that are explicitly shown but mostly through visual cues

She has a very distinctive style of dress always involving a ribbon choker (mirroring Marcille's habit of always wearing a matching choker with any of her outfits that don't cover her neck)

She was almost stereotypically good at housekeeping and traditionally "wifely" things (very frequently depicted wearing an apron or doing some domestic chore when not at work, seems to have been an avid cook).

She knits? (also, note the affectionate smile as she's looking at Donato and Marcille reading a book together in the full panel)

She was as excited for Marcille's milestones as Donato was.

She didn't tell Marcille much about elven food

(there are a couple things that this panel in particular implies:

She lived a good deal of her life (if not being born and raised) in a mainly elven country in the West, implied by her knowing enough of an elven region's cuisine to prefer Tall-man food over it

seems to have a pretty carefree and casual demeanour overall, if this is how she replied to Marcille asking her about it (sounds like she never gave her culinary preferences that much thought to begin with)

slightly related to number 2, it seems like she and Marcille had a fairly casual parent-child dynamic (especially in comparison to the Toudens' memory of their father)

(local elf tastes Italian food once and never goes back))

However, she seems a lot more... serious in most of the other times we see her? Almost like the very stereotypical archetype of a graceful elf.

Subsequent conclusions about her personality:

Usually pretty carefree and cheerful at home, has been a loving and attentive parent throughout Marcille's childhood (while not being so doting that she didn't discipline Marcille).

Slightly more conjectural theories on her personality:

Had a much more graceful and professional personality at work, which would explain the more serious portraits we see of her.

Given that both she and Donato had positions at the royal court, it seems a little odd that she'd go out of her way to do all the housework herself, so maybe she just enjoyed doing it?

Now taping all the evidence together and toeing the line between analysis and fanfiction:

It's clear that she loved Donato very much and was utterly devastated by losing him. But there's one thing that really stuck out to me in what little we see of her:

Doesn't she seem... angry? The way she's gritting her teeth, clutching the tablecloth, and how this is the first and only time we see her eyes opened that wide. In the following panel, you see her being quiet and dejected after her initial outburst. She's still crying very intensely, but her brows are furrowed, and she's not really responding to Donato's affection in her body language.

We're not told the details of how she felt about losing Donato other than that it upset her. But this, to me, implies that she was angry and resented that he was aging, that the end of his life was approaching. An "it's not fair" type of preemptive grief. And if this was the first and last time she cried like this in front of her family, she was either very good at coping in private... or very bad at letting herself feel unpleasant emotions until they become unavoidable and end up overwhelming her.

It's not too remarkable a detail on the surface. It's even reminiscent of what the audience has seen of Marcille. But... when it comes to the big picture, you'd think an elf who voluntarily chose to marry a tall-man and have a half-elf child would have been better prepared for this.

It kind of recontextualizes her cheerfulness to me.

"I'm sure everything's gonna be okay!" (or some variation thereof, depending on what translation you have).

And this is stated to contrast her extreme grief when finally confronting Donato's failing body and eventual death. But I'm wondering if... maybe this optimism was why she was so upset. What if she went into all of it thinking "everything's gonna be okay"? What if she was a little young by elven standards, and just followed her heart thinking that her own resilience would get her through anything?

Of course, only to get completely overwhelmed when she actually loses Donato. She turns into a completely different person. And that's heartbreaking on its own-- but what the audience sees is the effect it had on Marcille. Can you imagine being her, watching your invincible and upbeat mother suddenly lose all the light in her eyes in one go?

I've already made a huge post about how I think Marcille models her "work persona" off her mother, but another thing that stuck with me as I was looking for more details in the manga was this:

copy pasting from the other post i made about it lmao it's like... the second she resigns herself to lifelong pain and terror, there's another portrait of her mother facing her like this. with their heads bowed, in mirrored body language of resignation and despair and sorrow. Except it's posed like Marcille is still looking at her mother but her mother is looking away.

It took me a second to realize, but I think that it's a visual metaphor for the fact that Marcille's mother was the only long-lived role model she had-- and she failed to model healthy grief for her daughter. I don't say this as an accusation or to disparage her as a character, but just as a matter of fact. In her, Marcille was seeing herself older and losing a short-lived spouse or loved one of her own, and all she saw was hopelessness.

But her mother didn't mean to instill hopelessness and terror in her. She wasn't really thinking of how it would truly affect Marcille at all (at least, that's how I'm interpreting her looking down and away from Marcille in the metaphor), she was just sad. And she, in her own way, was trying to protect her daughter and help her prepare for future losses.

What she meant was "loss is inevitable, and you have to learn how to be in pain but live on anyway." What Marcille heard was "loss is inevitable, and you will be scared and hurt for the rest of your life."

Again. Marcille's mother doesn't feature explicitly in the story the way her father does -- but in so many ways, her shadow, her silhouette, her reflection is always hanging over Marcille.

All that to say... headcanon-wise (everything from here on is 100% without evidence lmao), I'd like to think that she matured and realized that she failed Marcille. I imagine her being regretful about it, wanting a chance to fix it but never finding a way to insert herself back into Marcille's life when Marcille is so so so busy becoming the most accomplished mage possible. I imagine her being herself again, now, so many years after her loss and after remarrying -- but with her cheerfulness tempered with a lot more wisdom and the pain of having gone through loss like that. I think the second Marcille actually tells her what happened in the dungeon, she'd want to go running to her daughter again -- if Marcille tells her the full truth instead of just being embarrassed she let things get that far. (oh, the tragedy of her wanting to be more like her mother and an accomplished adult who doesn't need to be babied... being embarrassed to actually tell her mother how much she fucked up...)

There's also the tension of her having remarried -- I know that there's at least a little bit of resentment that Marcille harbours about that, because she's childish like that at heart even if she makes an effort not to externalize it. I think that her mother would be aware of that, potentially adding to her sense of guilt and apprehension at trying to reappear/intrude on Marcille's life. I honestly don't think Marcille has met her stepfather -- or even considers him a stepfather rather than "mama's new husband" and kind of a total stranger. I think she and her mother actively don't talk about it in their correspondence, like an elephant in the room.

but, ultimately, I think her mother is on her side no matter what. Ancient magic? Dark necromancy? Sure, she'll feel guilty and like she was partially responsible for setting Marcille down such a painful path, but she wouldn't care. that's her daughter!! she would've moved back west and been petitioning for her at the court, buying a house right next to the Canaries barracks and visiting her every day that she wasn't on a mission. And if her husband had opinions on Marcille becoming a "dark arts user," he either gets over it or it's divorce with him. Yes, she might have had her optimism completely humbled by losing Donato like that -- but she's still headstrong and self-assured and she doesn't care what people think of her. It's her way or the highway and she's always going to be in Marcille's corner.

(She also needs a name lol. I went with Juno, just to be cute about "Marcille"s closest real life equivalent being Marcella, which is the female version of Marcellus, which in turn is a diminutive of Marcus, which was derived from Mars. Absolutely in love with Marcille potentially being named after Ares/Mars the fucking god of war btw)

[charmwasjess]

I'm watching and absolutely breathing Andor season 2, by the way. I haven't posted a lot about it yet because I'm just kind of absorbing it at this point and I feel like I need to rewatch the whole thing again before I say anything coherent about it. But it's an incredible masterpiece, intensely necessary at this moment in time, and the very best of my very favorite story.

[thetardisisnotourdivision]

I am unreasonably upset about the fact that I've been forced to accept that Gabriel was a Gerald.

For context, in An Inspector Calls, Gerald Croft is engaged to Sheila Birling when he meets a homeless, struggling Eva Smith in a bar, and essentially in return for a home and money he shows her affection (ahem), then gets rid of her once he no longer has a use for her. Now, obviously this isn't a direct translation, but the essentials are - a Gerald is a character who uses another character, in return for something they need, usually masking the fact that they're using them with affection and love.

And against my will I've had to accept that this is exactly what Gabriel does to Nathalie.

Did I want to think he had potential to be better? Did I think he genuinely cared for Nathalie?? Hell, did I just really really want somebody to care about Nathalie???

Probably all of the above but the point is: he's Gerald. And I cannot - I literally can't unsee it now. Their whole dynamic in S3 is like “oh boohoo I'm sorry I wish you didn't have to use the peacock Miraculous and kill yourself over it but uh I need to use your powers” “yeah no that's fine I'm all good”. Which, given the "Gerald" theorem, I'm assuming leads to the fact that what Nathalie needed, above all, was someone to care about her - and Gabriel came along, as Sheila Birling puts it, "like a fairytale prince", and was so caring and gentle and... Yeah. She fell for him. And. Yeah he genuinely did seem to care like twice. But so did Gerald. Gerald actually admits that he did care for Eva, just not the way that she cared for him, and, uh, not enough to not just dispose of her. So he discards her anyway when she stops being useful.

Leading me neatly to my point.

He starts using the peacock Miraculous the second it's fixed, the slimy bastard, HOWEVER. It runs way deeper than that. Assuming I'm right (which I almost DEFINITELY am), then Gabriel only needed Nathalie while she was useful. She didn't stop being useful in season three - she's still scheming for him, helping him with plan after plan. It's only partway through season 5 that she officially servers ties with him, and starts to actively hinder him.

Nathalie stops being useful when she fails as Safari. And I reckon that's when Gabriel and Tomoe decided she had to go.

(It's painfully, I-was-ugly-crying-over-it obvious in Conformation that Gabriel is fully prepared to let Nathalie die - in the original storyboard, her alliance was encouraging her to sleep, and he's very obviously prepared for this moment - I've made a separate post about it that I'll link if I can find it. However, onto the next bit)

With all of this, there's one thing that sticks out to me - Nathalie didn't see any of it until it was already too late. There could be many reasons for this. But you know who would have seen through it? Whose parents were all loving and perfect until she married the wrong man? Emilie. Emilie, who left behind those videos, which on the surface look innocent, but when you look deeper look like a (love confession???????) AHEM a warning. I reckon Emilie noticed what was going on and realised that Nathalie wouldn't see through Gabriel, so she left those videos addressed to Nathalie (not Gabriel, which surely they should have been - they were about him, after all - unless they were there...) as a warning. I don't think the videos were supposed to be about helping Gabriel, I think Emilie was warning Nathalie to get the fuck out of that house, and to take Adrien with her. Because Emilie knew it'd end like this.

Yes I'm still mad ok give me a break.

[theokusgallery]

Have all the anti-remrom people, like. watched the show. Or

[grandwretch]

its so funny to me when ppl realize that the founding fathers weren't puritans like guys actually puritanical ideals weren't as prevalent in colonial america as you were led to believe. your elementary school teacher lied to you about history just as much as they lied to you about biology. they were a small religious sect that eventually grew larger as a reactionary movement against social freedoms. most of the founding fathers thought jesus was just some guy. when they said 'under god' they didn't mean The God; they mostly meant 'i mean there's got to be some guy up there doing all this shit right? so we should all probably be good people to make him happy'. john adams said he thought organized religion was stopping us from achieving utopia. there were gay people in colonial america and everyone knew they were gay. the entire country was not massachusetts.

[idiosyncraticrednebula]

I can't stand people who shame others for being collectors. "Man-children" my ass. These are people who have PASSION and a sense of wonder and adventure.

[heartslight]

it's crazy bc i've never been one to write insane long para replies and now every reply i do for rain? 5+ paras. idk what's going on.

[beanghostprincess]

Law would love "House" and Sanji would love "The Bear" yes, but have you considered both of them watching Love Island together

[dollypopup]

i just. . .I just love everything about Colin Bridgerton and I can't stop. I love how heartfelt he is, I love how he makes others comfortable around him, I love how he fidgets, how he gestures, his quips and all his looks. How you can read an entire story just looking at his expressions and how he keeps so much under wraps. I love that he's buttoned up and everything proper on the surface whilst he breaks almost all the rules. I love how he told Penelope she doesn't count as someone he could give up because he cares about her, that she's his friend. How open his friendship with her is in an era where people insist that can't happen, when women aren't valued much at all (save for in a sexual sense) by most men. I love how he has a genuine friendship with her and cares about what she thinks, that he doesn't objectify her or pity her. I love how clearly he respects the women in his life. I love how he always listens to Penelope's insight and opinions, that he adores his mum and jokes around with her, that he played matchmaker for Anthony and Kate at Pall Mall, that he was clearly concerned for Edwina during the wedding. That he looks out for his littlest siblings and snarks with Eloise. That he's Daphne's favorite and how he always tried to ease Marina in S1. That the worst thing he's said about a woman in the entire series has been to call her 'cruel'. I love that he's lefthanded and that he's great with kids. I love that he loves love. I love that he's a flirt but also that he's not a fuckboi. I love that he's a hopeless romantic, that he talks about Leander going to see his love each night under the cover of darkness and has to be reminded that Leander drowned. I love that he doesn't often think ahead, that he runs in with his heart in his hands and a plan held together with a lick and promise and a bit of hope. I love that he loves yellow, that he's light and cheerful even when he knows heartache, even when he's sad. I love that he hides. I love that he says the wrong thing and I love that his charming demeanor hides so much beneath it. I love how he researches and dives into Greek mythology. I love that he's curious. I love his friendship with Will and Phillip, I love how he pushes back against Anthony's misogyny and that he hugs up on Benedict and encourages him. I love his integrity and nonsense. I love that he can't stop snacking and that he takes people at their word. I love how he trusts and how he loves others.

I love his mischief and his spontaneity, I love that he always wants to make things right. I love how he knows how to properly apologize and I love when he doesn't. I love all his triumphs and all his fuck ups. I love how he tries. I love that he never stops trying. I love that his character is one people need to dig into to truly understand and appreciate. I love rewatching his scenes and noticing something new each time. I love his hero complex and his cowardice, I love how he runs and when he stays. I love that he was shorter than all his brothers and sisters as a kid and that he's the tallest when he's grown. I love how he teases, I love how he uplifts, I love his passions and his insecurity, his concerns and his celebrations, when he's out of his depth and when he's at ease. I love how he changes depending on who he's around and how we have to read him to see where he's being most genuine. I love that he has facets. I love that those facets aren't obvious. I love the surface level of him and all the depths.

I love everything about Colin Bridgerton.

[wintertundra-art]

sometimes I struggle at posting my work because I don't have anyone to look at a piece before it goes online and say what can be improved so I just let it sit for a while before I decide it's trash and I need to redo everything