#I could definitely see it as enriching and a positive addition to my life

[pisati]

I suppose it's a product of the society we live in, but I feel messed up in some ways for not wanting my own children. Not liking babies, not even really thinking they're cute. Being terrified of pregnancy. I almost wish I could be 'normal' about it, in the same way I sometimes wish I could be 'normal' about sexual attraction and drive. It would make things so much less complicated, feels like. I looked it up. Just a few scattered articles about women who don't want children (some of which say "it's perfectly normal!"). A lot of the justifications some of these women give are... honestly really pretentious. Some of these people just think babies are plain gross. And they can be; they're little poop machines, they puke, they blow mucus everywhere... but I saw one article that was like "they're gross and inconsiderate and selfish" like... fucking duh? They're infants. They don't know how to control their bodily functions quite yet and they don't know how else to communicate their needs. "You're a baby. You have nothing to do. If you're tired, just sleep instead of crying about it" like how fucking stupid are y'all? Have you ever tried falling asleep when you're tired but your brain just won't let you? Did it occur to you that infants have to learn things as basic as the concept of object permanence, and maybe they cry when they're tired because they just don't know what else to do about it? Being tired fucking sucks. Even at 25 I sometimes get so tired I want to cry. Fuck off. And "inconsiderate"?? As if babies have even the slightest concept of "considerate"? They are wired to survive. To need their parents to provide for them. That is what they know how to do. "Considerate" is learned. God. Those things are not an issue I really have with babies. I get kind of secondhand embarrassed when babies do stupid things, but I understand they're learning. I get super grossed out by the idea of diaper blowouts and spit-up and faces covered in snot and every food they try to ingest, but... I know if that were my child it'd be a little easier to deal with. I'm fine with my pets' bodily functions, I don't see why, if I loved something enough, it should really be a problem. Some people don't get that. But they say they love their pets in a way they don’t care for children; makes me wonder how they actually treat them. Some people think babies are life-ruiners, but of course they're going to be if they're not wanted, you absolute fucking morons. They are work. Some women love being a mom but hate motherhood, and that's understandable. Some people don't want to give up their careers, because honestly, raising children is a full-time job in itself. Babies maybe won't ruin your life's work, but they certainly can derail it and be a weight you have to carry around for a lifetime. Not everyone is ready to commit to that. But that's not an issue I seem to have with them either. If I wanted them, they'd be worked into my future plans. It wouldn't be ruining my life if that was the way I wanted my life to go, you know? The people that think it's the worst thing that could happen to their career... shouldn't have them, lmao. Those kids are going to grow up knowing they're resented. Knowing that you had things you wanted to do with your life, until they came along. They're going to feel like a burden on you, and you’ll probably take out your regret on them at some point. Your feeling like you "need" to have a child because of societal expectations doesn't trump the wellbeing of the child you're bringing into this world. There's the tantrums. The crying, the screaming, the not listening to reason. That's one thing I can actually agree with. I can't deal with babies crying. Some say that the cry of a baby draws people in; it makes mothers want to go to them and comfort them. I have the opposite reaction. I hear a baby crying, I want to get far away from it. I don't think I'd be very good at perceiving a baby's needs. They wouldn't stop crying, I'd get impatient and frustrated. You can't reason with a crying infant, you have to find the off switch by guessing at which needs aren't being met. I wouldn't be able to deal with tantrums or an indignant child, but I feel like any child of mine would know better than to give me the business. Who knows, though? Who knows what I'd end up with? I was a good kid. Afraid of consequences, sensitive, obedient, for the most part, if not a little stubborn (ok, very stubborn). What if my kid was the exact opposite? What if no matter how much love I gave them, no matter how attentive I tried to be towards their needs, no matter how many lessons I tried to teach them, they ended up a little brat? A gigantic asshole? God forbid, a white supremacist or some other horrible thing? Sometimes people really do their best and still it doesn't matter.

I just. I don’t have those instincts towards babies. I really don’t. I wish I did, sometimes. But that’s just not how I was wired. They scare me too, possibly because of unfamiliarity, but more because I don’t have the energy or the money to be as good of a parent as I’d want to be for an infant.  I do think I have maternal instincts though. I know I try to take good care of my rats and I love caring for them. Spoiling them, making sure they have what they need, making sure they're happy and healthy. I can't see myself ever not having pets. But by that same token... just thinking about it. I've been saying for a while now that I think my maternal instincts are misdirected towards animals instead of humans (ha ha), but I don't think that's actually true. My heart breaks for older children in the foster system-- older children being kids that aren't babies. Any child in the foster system, of course, but I’m more drawn personally to the older ones. Kids that have known abusive parents or never even knew who their parents were, kids that grew up in foster care, bouncing from place to place, knowing they don't really have a family. Children have a lot of needs growing up, and emotional needs are a big one that people sometimes overlook. Kids can get hurt, bad. They feel a lot of things, and deeply. I remember being a kid myself, and I was always one to feel things extraordinarily strongly. I remember dad got me two Polly Pocket sets for.. maybe my birthday one year. And I'd thrown out the little plastic insert that one of them was packaged with-- you know, just opening a box, discarding the packaging. And I realized later that the insert would've been perfect for keeping the little rubber doll pieces organized, and the regret over having thrown it out hurt so bad I cried. Like... kids are growing and they're complicated and I can't even imagine having that made harder by parents or lack thereof. Knowing that kids are growing up in those conditions makes me want to take them in. Like my friend’s family, who’s taken in a whole bunch of foster kids and adopted them all. I'd want to bring a child home, and let them know that this is their home and would always be their home. Give them some stability on a fundamental level. Show them love they may not have received yet. Do their hair, have little makeover days, movie nights, game nights, craft nights. Surprise them with things they like, watch their face light up knowing they're listened to and cared about. Listen to them talk about their interests, try to guide them towards things that make them happy; spark that interest and let them explore and grow; not try to mold them any way I think they should be. Help them with homework, work through problems together, because lord knows I'd probably struggle with some of them too. Hope they'd trust me enough to come to me with emotional issues-- not like how I could never talk to my mom about boys. Try to help them heal from whatever trauma they may have experienced. I don't know how I'd handle behavioral issues, if that were to happen, but I know the best course of action is educating myself and trying to be understanding. I do think I'd be a good mother. Just not to an infant, lmao When I was still in school, I'd let my rats run around my apartment during playtime. I'd leave my plastic shopping bags on the floor in the kitchen once I'd put groceries away, because I knew Jay liked to hoard them under my couch. And sometimes I'd take my phone flashlight and look around under there at the mess he made. I wouldn't touch it (until cleaning day came, usually, or unless there was a receipt I realized I needed). I'd just look at the organized chaos his little rat brain told him to create. I was witnessing the physical manifestation of his personality-- something he created himself. He put those bags right where he wanted them, and I could hear him rustling around down there sometimes, arranging them how he liked. He would grab mouthfuls of food and stash them in piles under the couch too, in specific places. I think I'd be the type of person to do the same for a child. I couldn't ever tell them what to do or how to be, necessarily. I'm sure I'd just marvel at anything they created; anything their mind produced. I'd want to know them for them, and love them just the same, even if they were nothing like me. Hell, I'd probably be happy if they were nothing like me (in some regards). Reminds me of that scene from Ladybird. I just. I wish that you liked me. Of course I love you. But do you like me? I want you to be the very best version of yourself that you can be. But what if this is the best version? Parks & Rec: I love you and I like you. One day I'll be able to say that. I hope.

[wroteclassicaly]

Dibs

A/N: Heeeeeeeey, loves! I’m back and pretty proud of this one! It’s a two part story, this obviously being the first part. Smut will be in the next one. I’ve wanted to write this idea since I came up with it the night of the season premiere. 

Reader is plus size in this one. She is also Chef Bertie’s daughter. There’s some major self-esteem issues and some self-bashing in this one, so be warned. I hope ya’ll enjoy! Lemme know what you think? :) 

P.S. I’ve changed a few things around to fit the reader in. Dialogue, mostly. It’s not that much of a change though, so don’t worry. 

Also, I can’t seem to get my taglist to work right, so I don’t tag anyone. I’m sorry. :(

Pairing: Xavier Plympton x Female reader

Word count: 2,691

Warnings: Explicit language, references to smut and virginity, self-esteem issues, poor body image issues

Looking forward to something during the summer months wasn't usually your forte, but this season seemed to be taking drastic approaching turns already. You'd been coerced into coming help your mom work the kitchen of Camp Redwood. Massacres and legends galore, bugs and snakes touring your housing. Sounded so fun to you. Your mom didn't want to leave you at your home alone, so you hesitantly agreed to get away from the dangers in Los Angeles and help out at the camp with her.

The drive up you imagined all sorts of various and vile scenarios. Woods and stories caught your imagination and refused to leave without a searing tongue lashed haunting. Your mom had assured you things would be okay this time around, that she wouldn't let anything happen to you, but it still felt so unsettling to be surrounded by nothing but dirt and trees and a large body of midnight fresh water. For your mom, however, you opted for the positive side of things, and sucked it up. You met with the eccentric and eerie Margaret, hovering closely to any exits you could think about, then escaped to the cabin you would be sharing with your mother to put your things away.

Margaret had informed you and your mom that a group of counselor volunteers would be arriving in the afternoon, leaving your stomach to tumble into the anxiety founded pits it always was. You hated much social interaction, even living in one of the world's largest cities. You avoided leisure activities and parties that were too high octane. You cared only about the peace and quiet, a few close friends, your books, and your music. You were grateful you had been permitted to bring along some albums and your record player, because without it, you could not function.

Setting out your music, you had tasked yourself out to sweep and mop the dining hall and kitchen. Covered in sweat and grime, hair pulled back into a messy mopped bun, the entire area became brand new once more. So much so that you had to stand and admire, the enriching draped melodies from Stevie Wonder casting a serene, echoing production to highlight your hard work. You hadn't noticed until Margaret jabbed a nail into your tank top clad shoulder, causing you to nearly deck her in the face with your broom handle. She raised a manicured brow, annoyance perched on her poker faced features, asking you to come meet the newest additions to the staff, as they would be arriving soon and you still had to bring food into the kitchen pantry.

Reluctantly, you followed your camp leader out into your new life for the next few months.

~*~

Present day: The First Night

Your insides feel as if they have all been twisted together like licorice, coolness spreading through your veins, erecting goosebumps all across your flesh. You self-consciously grip your noticeable stomach, already prepared for an array of flashy and skimpy clothed girls to accompany muscular, tight fitted guys. You don't fit in. Not being more than overweight, but what doctors seemed to call obese, with a swell to your face and the rest of you in places all around your thick form. In this day and age, not many girls your size are praised or celebrated in music and on television.

Sure, there were a few, but the movies you have seen are the overweight girl being an extra, a classmate, the bestfriend, the loner, the reject, or the propping joke. Fat is funny in LA, you aren't stupid. And no matter how far you run from it, you'd have to face scrutiny, even here. Your thinking is pregnant with triplets on this one, as you don't even bat a blink walking out with the Carrie White's mother - Margaret White -esque Camp owner, to meet everyone. Worn sneakers and boots from different brand names dusted in California soil is what you see before meeting the eyes of a very petite brunette.

That's the first counselor that smacks your self-esteem straight into the pits of hell. And the blonde girl near her in the colorful and tight outfit? Yeah, you want to find a hole and dig it twelve feet under. Six feet for your humiliation, adding on an additional six for your fat ass body. You want to run, but, yeah, right.

If you don't speak then you will look stupid, more so than you do now, covered in perspiration and dirt smudges. Margaret makes an introduction that collides right into you stepping behind your mom, getting an eyeful of the two handsome guys with the girls, reaching for a crate of eggs, attempting to look busy as to bay the awkward pause. Everyone says a few brisk words of greeting, those male counselors snickering. Why did you come here? The risks back home are far more tempting right about now.

Your nose catches the scent first, the sound of the person's shoes hitting ground second. Clad in this overly musky scent that seems to glide itself across the air, a rapturous, creamy silk-like voice hits the atmosphere and flips you head over ass.

"Dibs."

Your mom is snapping back with her wit, shoving her crate into his hands and moving away from his speechless face to leave you visible. Standing still, your box seemingly heavy, body light, you can't but help yourself to a heaping serving of observation. His pants are tan, or white, belt tightly securing those defined hips, his sneakers stretched over long feet (don't they say long feet mean... okay then, holy fuck), and sea-foam green muscle tank that leaves nothing to the imagination, except how much leverage you'd have to straddle his chest...

"And this is Y/N. She's joining us with her mother, whom is Chef Bertie. She won't be bunking with the ladies, however. But I still expect of all you to get along and make her feel apart of things, as she will also be partaking in counselor duties for the summer." Margaret's voice interjects, right smack into your looking into this guy's angelically crafted face.

You can't see what color his eyes are over his designer frames, just blue hued glimpses reflected off California sunshine. His plump lips are wet with amusement and surprise at your reveal, jaw sharp and alert, so arching and shaped it can cut through glass. There's a small cross dangling from his left ear, his hair is frosted at the top. He looks like some guitarist that has actual angel wings. His arms are steady, hands big.

You can swear there's a saxophone player somewhere playing a soundtrack for this very moment. You kind of, no, record SCRATCH that, you definitely need to find a seat somewhere and pour a glass of ice water over your head. For a fleeting moment you think you might need to attempt Olympic running towards the infirmary, cause this is some sort of General Hospital soap opera scene. You can't stop yourself from how you do react though. Biting your upper lip, eyes dashing mad all across his body, you're engulfed in more than the summer California heat.

You see the metal of his silver cross earring catch the light, and you know that even God himself can't help you now. Looking at this man in the blue shirt, you feel as if you've committed a lifetime of the most blood deep sins. You feel the need to ask Margaret to save you in the lake, some prayer needing to happen before you feel anymore guilt for objectifying this stranger. What feels like never-ending hours is merely a minute at most, making you look even more awkward and ignorant. Margaret does save you this time, introducing each counselor, the sensual blue eyed boy called Xavier Plympton, to your amusement, then with a seemingly arrogant grin on her peach painted lips, demands you take Xavier and the other two attractive male counselors - Ray and Chet, to finish carrying the crates of fruit and eggs to the kitchen pantry.

A dying 'hi' towards the friendly faces of the group is all you muster, rolling a shoulder back to the truck for the boys to take the hint. Xavier already has his share from what your mom gave him, so it's quick work for the other two. You don't talk, don't look at any of them on the way into the large dining area and back into the kitchen where your mom is hard at work. All the guys pile beside you, so you figure that now is the time to find your damn voice box and activate its fucking switch.

"You can just leave the stuff here, guys. Some of the other staff is in charge of stocking it anyways. They're real particular on everything, you know? We appreciate your help!" You ramble on, eyes widening when you spot Xavier - shades now clipped to his collar - smirking at you, pearly whites gleaming tauntingly.

Everyone, yourself included, all discard your food onto the chipped wooden counter. You fold your hands into fists on its hard surface, knuckles pressing together, lips pinched tight, feeling this tickle attack you from the tips of your toes and back, leaving you absolutely parched and winded both.

"So you're the Chef's daughter, huh?" Ray is the first to speak to you.

You turn to his direction to see him leaning a few feet beside you, propped against the end of the countertop by his elbow. His smile is genuine, calm, excited even.

He must really have wanted to be here this summer.

"Yeah." Is your proud response. Your mom is a hard worker with a zero tolerance policy for bullshit or dumbasses, so you're very proud to call yourself her child.

"Kind of a given you'd be here with her, right? That's cool. Most kids wouldn't volunteer their time to help their Mama at some sweaty ass camp in the middle of nowhere. You even gettin' anything in return from this?" Ray questions again.

Your body warms a little, not used to this duration of a conversation, let alone by someone this cute, this cool, who seems nice enough. You find yourself softening towards his presence, friendly and open in your answers.

"She'll share whatever she makes with me, so it's a win win. I have to clean the camp, so I'll also pull in my own money, then we put it all together. Living in LA is fucking expensive."

"Wait-" Chet cuts in. "You still live with your mom? Aren't you in your twenties or some shit? Don't you have any plans back home?"

Yup, there it is.

You were expecting some sort of snide commentary from at least someone in this group. You're unsure how to answer. It's not that your lifestyle is something you're ashamed of, it's just that you're beyond sick and tired at the ridicule it brings. Your mood is deflated, head bowing a little at Chet's laughter. Maybe it's not malicious, but to you, it isn't funny either.

"At least she didn't blow a chunk of cash on condoms and cheap ass cologne to impress Brooke. No one likes a cocky counselor, Chet." Sounds to your left.

Ray snorts into his hand, easing back at Xavier's biting remark. Your jaw becomes unhinged with a loud giggle that makes Xavier lick his tongue across the top edge of his teeth. He's super focused on you, sharing this knowing that eases and unsettles you all at once. Ray and Chet begin a bicker at Chet's expense, Xavier continuing to watch you in a similar fashion as you were observing him earlier. The floor feels like lava under your feet, your legs jello.

"Better get back outside, kids. Boss lady will be getting impatient." Your mom's helper speaks to you from the kitchen.

You give him a nod, trance broken. Moving one foot in front of the other is hard, but you get it right, breezing past Xavier and the rest, right back into the summer heat wave.

~*~

After the conversation your mom directed over her history with this Camp and her current decision to return, Margaret invited you to tour the grounds again with everyone else after formal introductions were completed. You weren't going to disagree, not with the possibility of sneaking looks in Xavier's way, hearing the things that came from his perfect mouth. You're fucking sickening, like some dingbat ditz on a sugar high that's having an affair with lust. The whole tour was boring and subpar, but worth it to see Xavier in action. Margaret stops everyone outside the cabin with, in your opinion, the finest views, to preach her rules onto everyone.

You're cringing, already choking on heaps of unshed laughter and snorts. Everyone but Brooke seems to be amused. Brooke seems the most like you, so it's a comfort. Xavier has his debate locked and gone, metaphoric smoke trailing behind of his tongue, following his words like a steaming mug of honey-hot tea. After his fist bump with Ray he makes sure to give a nodding little grin your way.

A bashful smile colors your mouth.

"Y/N is true to her pure body, to herself, to the Lord. She hasn't polluted it with the perversions of today, have you, sweetheart?" Margaret's voice is that bucket of ice water you could've used earlier.

You have to grab onto the other side of the doorway to keep it together, your heartbeat in your throat. How in the fuck does she know what you do, or for that damned matter, if you've done anyone before? The entirety of everyone's attention is on you now. Your eyes are sharp on Margaret's, her joy apparent. You see right through her bullshit.

She can read people, and she's just used that to her very public advantage.

Whatever. Fuck her.

"I don't know how you’d know about my personal life, or why it matters towards the situation of a damned summer camp, Miss Booth." You snap, cheeks hot with anger, neck flushed with adrenaline. 

Her head twitches as if she's some robotic experiment in a lab, but she catches herself, a plastered on smile melting back into place. "Damned is the farthest thing from the grounds on which this Camp sits, Y/N. And as for your earlier inquiry? I have known your mother for half of my adult life, so that means I also know you."

You're in place, still stunned. How does knowing your mom have anything to do with Margaret knowing you're a virgin? It's not something your mom would broadcast to anyone. Luckily, it's a dropped topic. You're given looks you expect, especially by Chet and Montana. Ray and Brooke, who stops to turn around and give a compassionate smile, are the more sympathetic and understanding.

That leaves... him. You're petrified to turn and see his cliché reaction. He doesn't say anything, not at first, only moving past you. But when stops, a partial pivot, there's an almost relieved expression on his face. The breeze picks up a little, making you brush a lock of escaped hair from your messy style.

The grass and dirt crunches under his weight as he approaches you, stopping a decent distance. You can't breathe, can't comprehend anything out of this shared airspace. The wind has the little cross swaying against his lobe, his lips are plump, the blue in his eyes darkening to the shadows of the summer shade. There's rain on the air. It's going to rain tonight.

"You know I teach at an exercise studio in Los Angeles, Y/N? I'm good at helping people learn."

So he's baiting me to come to his gym with my fat body? Prolong the shame?

You want to further scold yourself for thinking he'd be anything but a shallow Hollywood hottie. Typical.

Before the tears even make themselves form, Xavier is moving closer. You don't stop him, don't take the out his slow and respectful pace is giving you. He's tilting in a little more so that wisp of frosted hair brushes your nose, his breath warm and minty.

"A virgin, huh? I guess it works out that I'm a teacher."

[aphroditefumes]

Michelangelo- Chapter I: The Wizard of Oz

A/N: Thank you guys soooo much for the positive feedback. I really appreciate all you guys!! And I apologize for such the long wait. Please forgive me! Enjoy!!!

                         “Todo, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.”                                  -Dorothy Gale, Judy Garland, The Wizard of Oz

Location: Boys and Girls Club of Harlem, New York, NY Date: Saturday, February 23, 2020 Time: 2:13pm

Young men of deep sepia and enriched coffee-colored hues glistened with sweat gliding down the wide expense of their backs and chests.The swell of their calves along the longevity of their legs defined as they paced to and fro on the glossed court of the Boys and Girls Club of Harlem. Their pecs jumped with every move, their sneakers scuffed as they quickly blocked passes from the opposite team, lips occasionally embedded between their teeth as they remained focused, only to release to spew curses to the dumb decision of their fellow player.

“D, pass the fuckin’ ball!”

The tallest of the bunch, Brooklyn Wright, brows furrowed, his hands wide open in exaggeration to a distracted Deandre “D” Wilkerson, who’s main focus was on the swell and switch of Ansiedad Rojas hips as she entered the gym. His view extended down tightness of her denim clad legs until she found a seat next to her girls on the bleachers, as he was now able to see her light toffee face as she turned and sat down. Her finger twisted in her hair, dimples only faintly making an appearance.

She knew D was checking for her. Her on-again, off-again boyfriend or ‘playa on the team’ as she referred to him around the presence of her friends, amused her with his sudden interest in her after ignoring her calls and texts consecutively since their last interaction last week.  

“Yo, D, leave that girl alone, man,” Alijah Ford leaned against his arms resting on his knees, watching as his friend’s face contorted. He knew how D’s temper could be and knew that D was a man about action and saved talking until afterward, leaving all rationality behind.

“Fuck allat’.” D dismissed him darkly, his hand veins appearing as he squeezed the ball tighter in his grip. “Can’t answer her fuckin phone but can walk around with her ass all out? Nah, she got me all the way fucked up.”

Deandre found a wave of impulse wash over him from the top of his head into the clutches of his fingertips. The veins in his forehead and neck appeared blatantly against his sweaty dark skin, his jaw ticking from the constant clenching and unclenching.

The smirk on Ansiedad’s face never faltered as she always found her sex heating at the mere thought of Deandre getting angry. Whether through the actions of someone else or the actions of herself, mostly done through herself, Ansiedad’s fetish always ended with Deandre in some kind of trouble and herself laid an undone mess within his childhood bedroom. And with her high now heaving, eyes hard, trained on her and only her, she found it was the perfect time to intensify.

She waved seductively before laughing with her friends, biting her lips after their outburst of laughter. She blew a kiss from her glossy lips, somehow tearing her eyes away from D’s brooding figure and into the eyes of Kameron, who along with the other boys had taken attention to the scene in front of them.

Brooklyn furrowed his brows once again, “Fuck she lookin’ at me for?”

“Yeah, nigga,” D’s head snapped towards the boy he had known the longest, “Fuck she lookin’ at you fo’?” Deandre channeled his anger into a source as he walked slowly toward Brooklyn.

“Nigga that’s yo’ girl, ask her yourself!” Brooklyn exclaimed as he watched D move closer. The other boys started moving in as well, preparing to step in between if need be.

“Nah, nigga, I’m asking you.” D’s voice was as deadly as his grip was on the basketball he still possessed. Alijah stepped in front of his body before he could take another step and began to apply pressure to Deandre’s chest, who never faltered his sight on Brooklyn but began pushing Alijah back.“Fuck off me, AJ!”

“Fuck outta hea’, Nigga.” Brooklyn waved him off, not taking Deandre seriously, being used to the unorthodox anger and irrational behavior. Looking at the boys, you would’ve never guessed the two had known one another since the second grade. “I ain’t worried bout’ that girl and from where I’m standing, you don’t need to be either.”

Ansiedad sat with both of her forearms against the bleachers, her ample breast presented to a student that was familiar with in their senior class, Quentin Ward. Her Air Force 1’s rubbed against the smooth skin of his exposed leg in his basketball shorts as she seemingly purred at whatever the boy was spitting.

Suddenly, a flash of orange was sent through the air and toward the bleachers.

Deandre had unknowingly thrown the ball, it was as if his mind was not registering with his actions, the state of his head not safety executed into circumstances.

The ball flew through the air, causing the gathering of Quentin, Ansiedad, and her flock of ladies into a scattering frenzy. The open space then caused the ball to ricochet and bounce onto the unsuspecting nose of Tamara Montgomery. Her nose erupted with blood and her mouth let out a cry.

“Oh, shit.”

“Fuck is wrong witchu’, nigga?” Brooklyn exclaimed. He pushed into Deandre’s heaving chest before hastily jogging over to the crunched body of Tamara. Her book was held up to her face as she tried to hide from the embarrassment she felt at the moment.

“Ay, you aight?”

“I-I’m fine!” sputtered through the blood was the squeak-like reassurance of an flustered Tamara. It was going to take her forever to remove the blood from her fuzzy white sweater and even longer to remove this memory from her brain.

Brooklyn looked over his shoulder at the suspect at large who was currently in a heated argument with Quentin. Alijah once again stood in the middle of the two with now the addition of an instigating Ansiedad. Brooklyn shook his head, hands slightly gripping Tamara textbook, pulling down against her resisting hands to get a look at her nose. “Just let me see, mama.”

Not only was her crush in all his sweaty glory standing over her, his divine voice was calling her ‘mama’, the single most sexiest thing a man could call any woman in which he was dealing with. She definitely wasn’t removing the book now. The book wasn’t the only thing she was clutching for dear life, her thighs and her invisible pearls competed for the number one spot.

“Foreal, I’m good-

Tamara was cut of by the banging of the door from the conjoining training gym against the cemented walls. The loud noise echoed from the gymnasium, causing all noise to cease and all attention to turn towards the source.

He stepped in; Massive stature with sweat rippling down his glorious deep cedar skin, curly tendrils of chest hair glistening with seeming shiny over-glaze, shoulders pulled back and focused eyes like a black panther stalking down it’s prey. His towering height steadying his incredible 235 lbs of of mass and muscle, nostrils flared and thick lips producing breath stabling huffs from moments off the treadmill. Said nostrils exhaled smoke, his body not only oozing marijuana but radioactive Big Dick Energy. He lowered his eyes, zoning in on only one target. He face read that he was not to be fucked with. He was a man. And a mad one at that.

With his blunt rested between his thick digits and legs slowly moving ahead of him, the busying conversation resumed, now with his name on thier lips.

“Yo, Adonis coming!”

“What the fuck Donny want, man?”

“D done fucked up now.”

“D, I think the Don coming for you.”

Deandre, one of the only people who had not turned, too busy arguing with Quentin, felt his body go cold as he now felt the heat of huffs on the side his face. 

“Getcho’ ass out this nigga face and walk, witcho’ dumb ass.” Adonis spoke eerily calm, inhaling another puff of the exotic kush, Harlem accent deeper with the assistance of smoke.

“Shit.” Deandre cursed as he looked off to the side before he solemnly began walking into the direction of which most of the boys were huddled, looking at the interaction. D couldn’t even fully acknowledge his care nor concern of what he caused to Tamara because he was so upset. He always found himself not having control of his actions when it came to Ansiedad. “I ain’t even mean to hit her, Don-”

“I ain’t ask you to talk, nigga, I asked you to walk.” Adonis cut of D’s would be explanation, looking forward as they neared and now stood outside of huddle. “Get from round’ her, all you niggas.” His word was final as they all moved except Brooklyn who was still trying to get Tamara to remove the book. “You too, Brook.”

“Aight.” Brooklyn huffed as he moved and stood behind Adonis.

“Nigga, say what the fuck you gotta’ say.” The man brought the blunt back to his thick lips, inhaling deeply and exhaling in the opposite direction of the young girl.

Deandre scratched the back of his neck, “Look, I ain’t mean to hit you, I-

“But you did, nigga.” Adonis gained more anger and irritation by the second. “D, forreal, stop playing with me.” The man laughed humorously while he shook his head. “Say what the fuck you gotta say ‘fore I really whoop your ass.”

“T-that’s okay.” She pushes up her glasses. “He doesn’t need to apologize.” Her muffled voice sounded through the jacket she had now pressed against her nose. 

“Coo’. Let’s play.”

The man calmly handed his blunt to Brooklyn, uttering only a ‘you bet’ not smoke my shit either’ before he unexpectedly snatched the boy who he looked at as his little brother up by his jersey. Tamara was startled as she let out a little gasp, once again clutching her invisible damn pearls.

“I’ll Air yo shit out, boy. Keep playin’ wit me.” He gritted through his teeth. Tamara noticed how his dark skin dimensioned from the veins appearing through it. She bit her lip peeking through her glasses, feeling a heat rising between her thrifted jeans. “Say it fore’ I whoop yo ass, lil boy.”

“Aight.” D huffed, slightly embarrassed. He pulled away forcefully from Adonis’ grip. “I said: aight!”

“Watch yo’ muthafuckin’ tone.” Adonis spoke deeply. “And hurry the fuck up before I get mad.” He snatched back his blunt and leaned back on the heels of his Nike trainers, waiting for an unspoken apology. 

“My fault for hitting you, I ain’t mean to do that shit.” Deandre spoke, somewhat sincerely. “But I did and I’m sorry, foreal.”

“D!” Ansiedad called from her spot in the middle of the gym, angry that Deandre was apologizing to some girl like a bitch, in her opinion. Plus, he had calmed down.“Let’s go!”

“Thank you, and it's okay.” Tamara accepted his apology, keeping her focus on the bleachers.

Deandre stared at Tamara’s face for a few seconds longer before he turned and faced Adonis, waiting for approval almost, who straight-faced him and dismissed him with a single look in the opposite direction. “Imma’ catch up with you niggas later.” He turned towards a waiting Ansiedad.

“Dumbass, nigga.” Brooklyn muttered, taking the words right out of Adonis’ mouth. He made a reminder to specifically talk to D soon.

“Don’t een’ worry bout’ him. Worry bout’ takin’ babygirl go see Shay.” Adonis referred to the club’s residential nurse. “And make sure Shay give her a new pair of clothes, some without all this blood shit on it.”

“Bet.” Brooklyn slowly guided her up while Alijah grabbed her stuff, making sure to grab and conceal the detailed drawing of Brooklyn in Tamara’s notebook. 

Adonis shook his head watching the young kids walk away before pulling another hit of his blunt, disregarding the no smoking sign littered all throughout the building as usual. As he blew out the smoke, his breath was literally taken away as she entered the building.

Adonis’ deep eyes watched as her collard dress shirt rose even higher with the sexy switch of her wide hips as she walked timidly in her mid-calf boots. Her toned legs and thick thighs glistened with the glitter BonBon perfume she spritzed on herself this morning, awakening the senses of the young men who were watching her every move without shame. The woman pressed her Fentybomb glossed lips together, giving the boys a closed lipped smile before she began looking into the gym absentmindedly.

Adonis watched as her hands cramped behind her back as her curls tossed over her shoulders while she looked around the wide gym curiously, her heeled foot scratching the leather material of the other.

“Can I help you?” The woman was brought out of her wonder-stricken trance by the deep baritone that belonged to Adonis. She felt her breath leave her body as she assessed this gorgeous man in front of her very eyes. His black eyes pulled her in like an abyss that made her less embarrassed that she finally learned to swim at the age 19. And his beard- that Beard- it was combed and edged to perfection, simultaneously just begging to raked through with her acrylics. She felt her eyes disband, trying, but ultimately failing, not to immediately wander down the massiveness of his glistening eight pack that led to his gray sweats that exposed his deep V and happy trail. It was like his body and his face were both competing for her attention and right now, his beautiful face was losing.

She was knocked out of her trance quite literally when a ball hit the back of her Dior sweater causing her to stumble into Adonis, who quickly wrapped his arms around her waist.

“My fault!” A boy no older than twelve yelled from across the gym.

Adonis hiked up a brow, his eyes filled with amusement but face remaining static. “You aight,?” He asked, his accent as thick as his hands that slightly grazed her hips.

The woman quickly stabled herself back on her heels, gripping his massive biceps and giving a nervous smile. “Sorry. My mom swears I’m fall prone, or something.” She giggled. “I’m always falling all over the place.” She finally gained her stability and removed her hands completely from his warmed skin, taking a step back.

Adonis noticed her accent, heavily induced of a Beverly Hills Valley girl accented with slight high pitched slurs in her words. Her mannerisms reminded him of Cher from Clueless, his little sisters favorite movie.

“I was actually looking for the Chief Executive director. David, I think?” She looked up at nothing in particular. “I spoke with him on the phone earlier this week and he told me to go through the gym to get his office. I’m Sabella, by the way.”

“Nah, he left around 11 this mornin’.” Adonis stepped back and placed his hands in his basketball shorts pockets, getting a personal look at Sabella’s pretty face. “Somethin’ bout’ his wife.”

“Oh.” She let out softly, pouting as she toyed with her dangling Tiffany bracelet. Sabella went back to the conversation they had on the phone and his considerable amount of flirting he did.

“So do you think he’ll be here tomorrow?” She questioned adorably, shooting her head up. Adonis smiled within his hard demeanor at how adorable Sabella could be all the while being hands down one of the sexiest women he’d ever seen.

“Hmm?” She reiterated softy.

“He don’t work on Sundays.” He shook his head. “I ain’t gon’ front with you Miss, the nigga barely here. And when he is here, his ass just be sleep in his office.”

Sabella pouted once again. She had planned this meeting and finally felt she was getting somewhere within her new position at work, starting as junior editor at Mel Magazine Inc., the largest Black owned and black ran magazine corporation in the world. Her boss Melanie Howard, founder, CEO, and HBIC of the magazine gave the wide-eyed intern a job and a deadline to create an entry for the latest ‘Black and Bound’ segment, a segment about young black athletes living within compromising environments who were bound to go pro.

“Well, thank you anyways.” Sabella gave a soft smile, fixed her purse strap, and began walking away. Before she turned she could see from her peripheral vision of Adonis giving a curt nod before turning to walk away himself. Sabella decided, she was going to sulk tonight with a glass of chilled margarita mix and a binge session of POSE.

“Aye, Don!” Brooklyn announced as he jogged back into the gym. “Sammy gettin’ shorty right. Said it was just a nose bleed and that she’ll be aight.”

“Ion’ know, that girl looked about 5’6 to me.” Alijah added randomly as he soon joined the two.

Brooklyn raised his eyebrows as if waiting for Alijah to continue his statement. He dropped them when he realized that Alijah, of course, was finished. “And, nigga, the fuck?”

“You called her ‘shorty’ and she’s like the average height for a female her age.” Alijah shrugged as he pulled out his glasses from his pockets and placed them on his face.

Adonis and Brooklyn stared blankly within Alijah’s face, snickering before waving off AJ. “You one weird ass nigga.”

“And just who the fuck do you think you are?” Alijah asked as he picked up a rolling basketball, about to throw it back to the tweens across the gym.

Brooklyn snatched the ball from him, dribbling between his legs, crossing AJ and shooting the ball in the basket.“I’m Brooklyn Wright, nigga. Fuck you mean?” He smiled cockily as he threw the ball back to kids who stood in amazement.

“I got to get away from you little niggas.” Adonis stated bluntly.

Sabella stopped in her tracks, literally, smiling happily as she turned and basically ran to where the boys were standing. “You’re Brooklyn Wright?!” She smiled excitedly, clapping her hands. “Oh my god, you’re Brooklyn Wright!”

Brooklyn, confused but living for it all, flashed her a smile, stepping back to rub his hands along his jaw. “Yeah, I am that young nigga.”

“Hi, I’m Sabella Monroe-Ramirez with Mel Magazine.” She held out her hand. “Would you mind me asking you a few questions?”

Brooklyn let his eyes rake down her full figure as he savvily grabbed her hand. “Hell nah I don’t mind.” As she reached for her notebook, he got a peak at the wagon she was dragging. “Ask all the fuckin’ questions yo’ fine ass want.” He mumbled with his lip between his teeth.

Sabella giggled, the feeling of success taking over he ability to hear. She opened her mouth. “So how old were you when-”

“Nah, we not doing this shit.” Adonis spoke up, towering over both of them. He wasn’t with none of the exploitation of young boys and girls, especially young black boys and girls. “I know you know he only 17-

“Almost eighteen by the way.” Brooklyn interrupted as he smiled at Sabella before turning to the irritated face of Adonis. His smile dropped as he decided he didn't want none of the leftover smoke he had from Deandre. “Imma go over here.”

“Yes, but he's old enough to consent to questions.” Sabella answered where Adonis had left off. She was not about to let this opportunity go. “And as long as I’m not asking anything sexual or incriminating it’s fine-”

“Nah, it ain’t.” Adonis cut her off. “You makin’ a profit off his questions and he not, so no, it ain't fine.”

“I-I’m not making a direct profit-”

Adonis cut off the stuttering, once again not letting Sabella finish. “But it’s in your paycheck, right?” He shook his head knowingly at Sabella’s shocked face. Exactly. “Ion know where from but where you at is the hood. Don’t come around here with that shit.” He waved her off, pulling from the diminishing blunt. 

“You know for someone who looks like they don't like being cut off, you sure love doing it to me.” Sabella regained some dignity, remembering the pep talk she gave herself before she walked in the building.

Adonis couldn't help but laugh, choking on smoke slightly before standing up straight. Who’d she think she was fooling with her act?

“Look, you came here for David. The nigga ain't here so have a nice day before you not have a nice day.” Adonis really didn't want to be disrespectful to her pretty ass so he left before he had a chance. 

He turned, allowing Sabella to see the defining muscles of his back as he retreated back into the gym. 

_________________

“So that is how I turned in small business into a billion dollar corporation.” Julius Howard felt the weight lift from his shoulders after getting through with the story of how Mel Magazine came to be to a group of interns. He must’ve at least told the story a million times within the last two months due to how frequently his wife hired and fired the mostly new college graduates. 

The largest conference room on the 10th floor within the skyscraper located in the heart of Manhattan held the welcoming seminar, hosted, as always, by Julius Howard himself. He’d sit at the head of the large conference table and explained the in’s and out’s of the job. He felt the job was not fitting of someone of his position; Chief Operation Officer of Mel Magazine Inc, some editor could easily do the job. His word was nothing against his wife though so he complied. There, however, was one upside: Sabella.

He stared at her wide eyes as she looked at him from the end of the table. He could tell something was troubling her from the look on her face. He sought to ask as soon as the seminar was over. 

Now we’ll go over the structure-“

 “Why is this white jezabel even a consideration for the cover of next months issue?” The clear glass door banged against the wall as Melanie A. Howard herself busted in the conference room. The young occupies, jumped in both surprise and awe.

The room was filled with mostly interns had never officially met her and was hired through her assistant. Sabella took in the appearance of her classic houndstooth pantsuit and the Black Louboutin’s that she seemingly floated in throughout the office. For some reason, Melanie’s reputation and inevitable stance reminded her of her favorite character from her favorite show: Elecktra Abundance from Pose. They possessed the same level of mother she she inspired to be. 

A man sat at the head of the table, unfazed by his wife’s unruly actions as over the 19 years he had grown used to them. His hands fingered his beard as he tested the waters. She wouldn’t act too(bold) crazy in the presence of others- he wanted to see

“Melanie, as you can see: I’m busy. We can talk about this lat-

“I don’t give a damn about you being busy, you’re on my time! And we’ll talk about this now.” Melanie has crazy eyes that said ‘Don’t play with me.’ She often thinks her husband loses his rabbit-ass mind and constantly finds herself giving it back to him along with a piece of hers. 

“I don’t wanna embarrass you in front of your lil’ girlfriend so bring ya’ ass.” She was every bit of Harlem as stared down her husband as he embarrassingly rose from his padded roller chair. She stared pass him into the staring eyes of Sabella.

“You.” She pointed. Melanie pushed passed a hurrying Julius, stepping into the room fully.

“Have you got the questions on Brooklyn Wright?”

“I-I um-“ Sabella panicked with all of the eyes on her. She began to feel her anxiety creep up the back of her neck as she struggled to respond.

“I-I-I B-b-b uh- Now you can’t speak English?” Melanie sickeningly mocked Sabella as she now stood over her.

“Melanie” Julius warned from his vicinity at the door.

“If you don’t have answers by the end of the week consider yourself jobless, Radio. Understand?”

Sabella looked through her lashes, her eyes glossed over with unkept anxiety. Her tongue grazed her teeth before she gave a small, closed-lipped smile, swallowing back sitting saliva and tears. “Of course, Mrs.Howard. “ She forced out. “I’ll get right on it.”

Melanie inspected her closer, shifting in her Louboutin’s as her eyes raked over Sabella’s sitting figure. She smirked, she could practically bottle up the fear and sell it with all of it coming from Sabella. And besides her making a hypothetical profit, she also made a logical observation; the doe eyes, the lip bitting, the hair tossed over the shoulder. She could see why the little hottie with a body held the attention of her husband. Sabella was like the many women that her husband had personal ‘meetings’ with, the women who no longer worked at the Magazine and would never work at another. But she was different; rare. Anyone could notice.

Melanie didn’t like it.

And she vowed to get her husband not to like it either.

_________________________________

Sabella sat, shoveling a spoon of Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food into her mouth as she watched the now Elektra Evangalista read the House of Ferocity to filth. She chewed on a chocolate chunk before swallowing and bringing a handful of cheddar and sour cream Ruffles into her mouth. A curl that escaped her messy ponytail fell in line of her vision from the shaking of her head from the secondhand embarrassment she was feeling through the screen of her MacbookPro.

“House of Ferocity? You two are about as fierce as my morning cornflakes.”

The background and fill-in actors of Sabella’s most watched addiction Pose instigated the flawless read as they ooed and further pressed the unexpected slayage. “Dang, Elektra. You didn’t have to do them like that.” Sabella couldn’t believe that a character that she instantly hated from the first few seconds of the series was now the level of mother she strived to be by the last few minutes of the first season. After coming home, Sabella committed to her vow of bundling up with Netflix and carb-loaded snacks. She hoped to recover emotionally and physically from the smack in the face she’d felt from the day she had.

“Sabiii!” A high pitched voice sang throughout Sabella's studio apartment. She pouted from the intrusion and paused her screen. She could hear heels clacking against her marble flooring coming closer to the vicinity of her bedroom and immediately let her know who the intruder was.

“Why are you still in bed?” Her door was suddenly opened and the snatched silhouette that belonged to the one and only Cream Karrington obtained her view. “And why aren’t you dressed?” She exaggerated as she felt for the light switch and turned it on. “Come on, Sabella, you promised! You are not bailing on me now!” Cream jutted out one of her wide hips and looked at Sabella through slitted eyes.

Sabella’s eyes got used to the bright light as she squinted and brought another spoonful of ice cream to her lips. Cream scoffed in disgust as a little bit dribbled from her mouth and onto her chin. She swallowed and whipped it away with the sleeve of a thrown oversized sweatshirt before speaking.

“I’m not bailing. I’ve just….” She signed. “I’ve just had a really bad day, C. You won’t believe what happened today-

“Right, a bad day.” Cream condescendingly nodded, cutting off Sabella. “So you have a bad day, completely bail on me when I need you most and

“Cre-

“No, no, no, I’m not finished.” Cream narrowed her eyes and stalked closer to her. “Sorry to break it to you, Sabella, but you’re an adult. So if you think that I’m going to sit here and listen to how bad your day was, then you're wrong. I don’t care how bad your day was.” Cream began sautering around the room, her heels being the only thing heard for a while.

“And you know, you’re not in Oz anymore, Dorothy.” She continued as she found herself near the door, referring to Calabasas. “You don’t get to walk around and pretend you don’t know how anything works, not anymore. This is New York.” She faced Sabella, finding satisfaction in the drop of Sabella’s face. “People don’t give a shit about your shitty day, princess.”

Sabella sat unmoving as the echo from Cream’s heels went further and further, only moving to jump from the slamming of her front door. She didn’t understand, Cream was simply going to get a consultation for her BBL. Sabella didn’t understand why she made such a big deal out of it, seeing as though it will be her second one. But, she was used to Cream’s famous harsh words and the storm outs that soon followed as she had known her since she was 7 years old. She would forgive Sabella soon enough after finding something else for Sabella to be there for.

Still, Sabella decided to finish up the season before meeting Cream at M.D Cosmetics and hope to make things up to Cream. She couldn’t stand Cream being mad at her.

Before she could press the tab on the computer, Sabella was once again kept from the flawless reads as a bang assaulted her door and echoed through her apartment. She could feel the vibrations from beneath her feet as she hopped up from her position.

“What the..” Sabella questioned herself as she neared the now rattling door from her hallway. She assessed her surroundings and found her sights on the pastel pink key on her entry way table, connecting that Cream must of forgot her key or one final read of her own.

“This girl.” She muttered as she grabbed her key on the way to the door. Sabella expected to find the tapping Christian Louboutin foot of a waiting Cream but found Burberry dress shoes instead. She looked up into the eyes of the man that towered her, pausing at how good he looked. “What are you doing here, Christian?”

Christian smiled, flashing his perfectly straight teeth. He began walking slowly into the apartment. “No hello, princess?” He neared closer.

“No, Christian.” Sabella stated sternly, her hands weakly pushing his away from her ass. “No ‘hello’, only goodbye. Now, Get out.” She stood firmly with her hands across her ample chest.

“First of all,” Christian gritted as he slammed her body against the adjacent wall with a tight grip on her neck. “Take all that fuckin’ base outta’ ya’ voice.” He licked his lips at the sight of her immediate submissiveness. “Second of all, who the fuck you think you kicking out? I pay the bills in this mothafucka’”

Sabella’s eyes closed, feeling of an euphoric state from a man that was once her’s reinstating his dominance. “I’m sorry, daddy.” She stated softly, pushing away the internalized self-disappointment she felt within. She felt herself melting not only at the state of her current being, but at the feeling of his tongue now suckling her jaw. He moved down her neck, placing wet kisses on her juggler, moving his hand from her neck to her ponytail, yanking it as he stared deep within her eyes. “You better be fuckin’ sorry.”

His hands caressed her plump bottom before hooking his arm beneath and hoisting her up, already knowing the way to her room.

“You about to be real fuckin’ sorry.” He mumbled deeply, and out of breath as he entered her bedroom, dropping her on her comforter. Sabella leaned on her forearms and watched as he rushingly rid himself of Balmain dress pants and boxers, stumbling slightly before pouncing on her small body. His hands and mouth went to work, kneading one of her now exposed breast while his tongue circled around one of her erect nipples.

Sabella moaned as he moved from one to the other, cradling his head as he moved back and forth before lifting his head and finally bringing their lips together. She could feel it behind her lids, the power of her messy kiss bringing tears to her eyes. She held on tighter, her arms completely circling his neck, knowing this moment would be over as soon as it had begun. She grinded on his large shaft, pulling a grunt from him. “I’ve missed you” She whispered against his lips, out of breath as he once was, connecting them again once her statement was finished.

As their tongues overlapped for silly dominance, Christian began shimmying down her spandex of her leggings down her thick thighs, stopping once there was an opening big enough for him to stick his large hands into. His thumb swiped her wetness through the soaked material. “You still get wet for daddy.” He stated before completely removing himself from her and the bed. Sabella physically shivered from the disconnect, longing for his much missed touch. She whined.

“Calm down!” Christian barked, completely quieting Sabella. He rummaged through his pants pockets, pulling out a gold wrapper before walking over and yanking Sabella leg until her ass was hanging off of the bed. He ripped open the wrapper with his teeth, maintaining eye contact with Sabella, and slowly rolled it on to his dick. “Ignoring my call n’shit” Christian spoke lowly, pulling the leggings and her thong all the way off. “Now, look at you. Feening for this dick.”

Sabella laid completely exposed. The cool air of her apartment wafted against her exposed clit and nipples causing her to absentmindedly arch her back against the sheets.

Christian smiled devilishly, “Yeah, that’s what I like.” His hand grabbed her waist while the other aligned his member to her slick opening and slowly moved in. He waited, her warmness completely surrounding him, reminding of old times along with her angelic moaning, before slamming into her.

Once again, Sabella found herself succumbing to her ex-fiancee and future brother-in-law, gasping as he fucked into her, fully submitted.

____________________________________________________________________

Hope you guys enjoyed this. Please let me know what you think and if you’d like to get added to my taglist!!!

@l-auteuse​ @artienauq (P.s sorry for making yall wait!)

[mobgaming957]

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Tips For Starting A Gaming Blog

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[crushedbyhyperbole]

Beyond Broken - Chapter Seven

Chapter Summary:  We learn about the argument Jess had with David, and how he'd been a spectacularly bitchy arsehole, and how Jess felt about kissing her lonely man for the first time. The misunderstandings start to surface for both Jess and Thor/Don. This chapter covers the events at the end of the previous chapter from a different perspective, and with additional info.

Words:  2.6k

Warnings:  Angst, emotional hurt & distress, crying, a really mean argument happens, sexual attraction, soft Thor, first kiss, morale dilemma, guilt, bad language.  There’s a lot of angst in here so please beware if you’re triggered by guilt and emotional distress.

Falling

Jess wasn’t thinking straight when she kissed Don.  Her emotions were running high and her brain had practically disengaged but, in the moment, it had felt wonderful and so very right.  Now, afterwards, rushing away with the tears of rejection stinging her eyes she felt scorned and shameful.  Everything had been going well until suddenly it wasn’t.

When she’d met David that evening he’d been different, cold even.  She recalled their conversation.

 “Can you cover for me tomorrow?  I want to spend some extra time with Silas.”

“It’s Sunday,” she’d said, “can you not just tell Bill that you’re meeting a friend from work?”

“He knows I don’t go out with people from work.”

“What about when he’s at his survivors’ group?”

“Too early.”  He sighed angrily.  “C’mon, Jess, it’s one extra day.  I never ask you for anything.”

She scoffed at his audacity.

“You ask me for things all the time.”

“Like what?  Name one thing I’ve asked of you before this.”

“Are you serious?” She was dumbfounded.  “Am I imagining that I meet you 5 days a week to walk your dog while you go get your asshole drilled by a married man, and keep it a secret from your homophobic father?”

“I can’t believe you’re being this selfish.”  He spat.

She actually laughed at that remark.  How could he ever call her selfish and ever be right.

“It’s my fucking birthday tomorrow, David, or did you forget?  And My friends from work are taking me out for dinner and a few drinks. I apologise if that doesn’t fit in with your designs for my time.”  Raised voices on a public street weren’t the best for privacy but at that point she was so angry she didn’t care who saw or heard.  “And how dare you!  You don’t get to stand there and call me selfish.  Not when I do every goddamn little thing you ever ask for and a whole bunch of stuff you drop hints about but never actually do me the courtesy of asking.  I volunteer for them because you’ve been through a lot and you’re Will’s brother.”

Her tears had started flowing around about the middle of her little rant.  Why was David being like this?

“I’m surprised you remember who he is to be honest.”

“What the fuck does that mean?  Do you think you’re the only one who misses him.  That you’re the only one who suffered when he died?”

“It means that I know about that guy you meet over there in the park while you’re sooo innocently walking Daisy.  It hasn’t even been a year since Will died and you’re already looking to get with someone else.  It’s disgusting.  You wear his ring and flirt with other men.  You’ve got no decency.”

“I haven’t flirted with anyone.  Don is just someone who goes to the same spot I do to watch the ocean.”  She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.  While Don had grown on her over the months, and yes there was something about him that really appealed to her, she’d never encouraged him or acted on any feeling she might have had.

“Don.”  He sneered.  “I bet he’s been in my brother’s bed already.”

“Careful what you say next, you’re in no position to lecture me about morals.  And for the record it’s been fourteen months and eight days since D-Day.  I know exactly how long I’ve been without Will.”

“You promised him when you got engaged that you’d look after me if anything happened to him or dad. Have you forgotten that or do you just not care about my happiness?”

“Give me the goddamn dog leash.”  She hissed at him.  “You better find someone else to keep your secrets and run around after you because I’m done now.  I’ll take Daisy home to your dad after her walk, and you can find your own way home.”

She glowered at him, watching his bitterness flare into hatred.

“You shit on the memory of my brother like this and think I want anything else to do with you.  He should never have started dating you, you’re nothing but a selfish bitch.  It should’ve been you that died, not him.”

Jess’s tears were flowing like twin rivers down her face, and a tight knot had formed around her heart. She couldn’t breathe.

“Those fucking Avengers probably did him a favour letting him die so he could get away from you.”

The noise her hand made when it contacted his cheek was what made her realise she’d swung for him. The loud crack shocked her, stilling her tears, replacing fury with resolve.

Jess turned and fled, taking Daisy with her.  She jogged across the street as fast as she could in her heels, never looking back. If David was shouting she couldn’t hear him, her sole focus was getting to the safety of the park.  It was secluded there, and peaceful.  David wouldn’t have chased her to get violent, he wasn’t like that.  But then again, that person she saw just then hadn’t been David either, at least not the David she thought she knew.  Don would be there at least, as a deterrent if David did follow.

His words came to her again. You wear his ring and flirt with other men.  You’re a disgrace.

No matter how she thought about it, David was right in a way.  She’d not left well enough alone with Don, by rights she shouldn’t have gone back to the spot they met after she realised that he was fond of her.  She definitely knew he liked her and couldn’t deny it.  In truth she liked him too, more than that though, he made her happy.  Just talking, walking, sharing a coffee, for a few hours a day rather than spend the time utterly alone.  What was wrong with that?  Nothing had ever come of it.  She’d made sure to keep just enough distance between them in terms of familiarity to make it clear that she didn’t want anything romantic, and Don had been the perfect gentleman.  He respected the unspoken boundaries she imposed with unwavering commitment.  But if she was honest with herself.  Really, truly honest, she knew she’d lied to herself, for weeks now; telling herself she’d met someone who was just a friend, someone who she felt nothing for, someone who she could stop seeing if she wanted to. She could no more put Don down than an amazing book, he’d enriched her life through some of the darkest times and she knew he felt the same.  The moody broody mountain of a man had shown her he was funny and kind and incredibly sensitive, and she loved that about him.  The way he smiled, so big and genuine.  His bashfulness and the deadpan way he joked that made her laugh until her ribs hurt.  His kindness and the fact that he was chivalrous to a fault, like ancient times chivalrous.  And the way he spoke, oh Jesus that voice of his, she could listen to him talk all night.

And suddenly he was stood in front of her, looking worried, with two cups stacked in one hand and his other laid on her shoulder, so gently but it weighed enough to anchor her right there in front of him.

He was asking her what was wrong and her body gave out a huge sob before the tears dammed by her resolve were loosed and free to flow.  He soothed her and drew her to him where she buried her face against his chest and cried until she couldn’t cry any more.  The warmth and scent of him were both soothing and alluring.  The lazy circles he stroked against her back sent tingles into her gut each time his fingers trailed too close to her neck or his touch was feather-light and sensual.

Jess clung to him, feeling the rise and fall of his chest, hearing the deep bass of his voice rumble against her ear, feeling safer than she’d felt since that morning fourteen months, eight days, ten hours and fifty three minutes ago, when she realised that Will was gone forever.

 Her heart was breaking all over again.  This beautiful man knew nothing of her past save that she’d lost loved ones.  She’d kept all of that to herself, lying to him almost.  It had made it easier for her to keep that part of herself separate, distant even. But she’d been denying her feelings out of guilt.

 Daisy began to get restless, bringing Jess back to reality.  She extracted herself from Don’s arms, resenting the chill on her damp cheeks, and regretting soaking his shirt.

When he asked if there was anything he could do, her reply was thick and short – she couldn’t make herself say more without crying again.

Jess wiped her face with her hands, trying to compose herself.  She got her breathing under control enough and slowly looked up.

He looked so worried it tugged at her heart.  Standing there with one hand resting over his heart, where her face had been, the other hanging loosely at his side like he had no use for it without her to hold, he looked broken.  He cherished her, she saw that.  Even the ghost of her presence against his chest was precious to him and she felt the same.

Jess gasped like she’d stopped breathing, feeling a heavy, almost painful, thud in her chest.  She realised in that moment that she wanted him and she wanted to be wanted in return.

He must have read her wrong because he began to apologise but she shut him down and threw caution to the wind, rushing him, laying her lips on his.  He didn’t respond right away but when he did she melted against him, and got so lost in the thrill of kissing him, feeling his soft lips and tasting him that when he pulled away she was surprised.

He said something about her fiancé and infidelity and never being able to forgive himself if he carried on, and she broke again.  It felt like rejection and it hurt so much it made her feel sick.  After the fight with David she’d potentially ruined the best thing to happen to her in months because she was emotional and needy and couldn’t keep her lips to herself.

Before she knew it, Jess was running back up the footpath to the street and Don was calling after her.

Don’t follow me, I’ve done enough damage already.  She thought.  But her heart wanted him to stop her, hold her again, and kiss her. He didn’t follow.

 The drive to David’s house was too quick and rather dangerous.  Jess sped there, her tear-filled eyes barely saw the road and the oncoming traffic dazzled her.  Bill didn’t get up from his recliner when she let Daisy in the house.

“Bill it’s Jess, I’m dropping Daisy off for David, he’s had to go see a friend urgently.  I can’t stay but I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?” She called from the front porch.

“Okay Jess honey you have a good night.”

Even after the things David said to her, she was still keeping his secret.  What good was it to go ahead and ruin his happiness like that? David wasn’t the only one she would hurt, and no matter how angry or how vengeful she felt, she could not do that to William Senior.

 Kicking her shoes off behind the front door, Jess flopped down onto the sofa, the wide base and length made it more like a bed than a sofa; she’d fallen asleep there many times.

Her mind reeled as she rehashed the events of the night, from David to Don; she’d made a spectacular mess of both.  David had been a prize prick, she was vindicated in her reaction to his behaviour, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.  They’d been friends for almost ten years and had become family.  Since D-Day they’d vowed never to let anything get between them, but apparently that only worked when Jess did everything David wanted.

If Will were still here, he’d tell them both to stop acting like spoiled brats and make-up.  But then if Will were here, none of this would have happened, and she’d be in bed getting pampered and loved on as was birthday eve tradition in the Walker-Tanner household.  Instead, she was agonising over one man and his words, and another and his lips.

Jess wondered what Will would say about Don.  She knew he would want her to move on and be happy, but was fourteen months too soon?  She didn’t even know exactly what it was she felt, there was something there, an undeniable attraction, a deep connection that neither of them had been able to ignore.  Jess had been keeping it pushed behind a locked door in her mind, barely acknowledging its existence, but at the same time feeding it titbits of attention each time she’d met her lonely man.  Each time their eyes met, each laugh and brilliant smile, each casual but rare touch, each and every shared moment had helped that feeling grow until it was now wriggling and clamouring to be free.

David had seen it in her somehow, despite being so self-absorbed, and known it for what it was; a step towards healing, a possibility of life after Will, a chance at her own happiness.  Tonight, the way Don had kissed her back proved that he felt it too.  If she was honest, she knew he’d liked her from their first meeting.  He’d been nice about it, patient in a way, and content with what they had because he sensed it was all she could give him.  As their relationship had grown he hadn’t pushed but each time she’d taken a step closer, increased their familiarity or plain out flirted, he’d been right there, meeting her where she’d placed the new boundary.

She hadn’t even told him the truth, he didn’t know about Will or anything about her life before. He had been thinking the whole time that she and David were together.  Don had called David her ‘gentleman friend’ and she’d assumed that meant ‘boyfriend’, but tonight he’d said fiancé.

You wear my brother’s ring, and you flirt with other men. David’s words hit her again.

Looking down at her hands she saw she’d been absently twisting Will’s engagement ring around and around on her finger.  She fiddled when she stressed, she fidgeted when she was nervous, and she’d worn the ring since the day he put it on her finger and promised to love her until the end of time.

The ache in her chest grew until she could barely breathe.  Gasping she got to her feet and stumbled to the bathroom to splash her face with cool water.  She gripped the sides of the sink for stability whist glaring at herself in the mirror.  She was a mess; swollen and bloodshot eyes, puffy red lips from where she’d chewed at them, hair dishevelled, skin blotchy.  She looked sick but there was a spark there, behind her eyes.  One that had been missing for so long.  Even Sadie had told her she’d been looking better recently, maybe she’d been on the road to recovery and hadn’t even realised it.

 Climbing into bed after her evening hygiene routine she resolved to lay her cards on the table.  She’d kept it all inside for so long, barely allowing herself to live, but now she had someone to share with who truly connected with her.  It was about time she told him the truth.

[sakurarebin]

This is definitely a long post, but here I go... So, my headcanon is that Taichi is a Leo and Yamato is a Scorpio. I feel like this fits their relationship perfectly. I just finished the first season in Japanese with a friend (and we are starting the second season now), so I figured I’d share. I’m quoting most of the article, but I wanted to add my own comments, so put the text directly here. :D This initial quote is from a different link, which I can share if people want. 

“ Leo and Scorpio are legendary lovers, where passion meets fierce loyalty and spikes in fiery conflict.”

Leo and Scorpio Love Match: 

“The Lion is not only the ruler of the zodiac, but is also a natural hunter that cherishes the excitement of a chase. Hence, when it comes across the mysterious and elusive Scorpion, it is attracted to him/her like a moth to a flame. On the other hand, strength and confidence in the Leo’s personality is what enthralls Scorpio from the very beginning of the relationship.”

All I can think of this is when they are in the snow and Yamato runs away from Taichi after their argument and Taichi runs after him to literally pounce on him only to be punched. “Like a moth to a flame” indeed. And Taichi’s strength and confidence does have an impact on Yamato. I’m pretty sure that is what makes Yamato encourage Taichi to take the roll of leader. 

“While these signs might look like they have no similarities whatsoever, they actually do see eye to eye in certain innate beliefs. Scorpio and Leo are both passionate and ambitious in their own divergent, yet complementary, manner. This helps them build on their relationship and create a unique bond together.”

I don’t think I need to even add anything to this. This is in the show and every “in character” fanfiction for these two. 

Pros and Cons of Leo and Scorpio Compatibility Pros of the Leo Scorpio Relationship:

“Leo and Scorpio are both fixed signs. This helps them understand each other on a different level and creates a functional dynamic between the two... [They] trust each other to the hilt and that, in itself, is the biggest positive of the Leo Scorpio compatibility.”

Yep! There is no doubt in my mind that there is unerring trust between the two of them. I mean Taichi was willing to risk his life to prove how much he trusts Yamato. 

“They are both very determined to make it big in life and will thus encourage and support each other on the professional front at all times. They are very focused on their dreams and will thus motivate each other whenever one of them feels a little out of steam or insecure.”

I can really see this between the two of them. They always push each other to be better, anyway, no matter what the circumstance is.  

“Their bond is very enriching in terms of what the signs can take away from it. They have the chance to grow as individuals through each other, and if they are smart enough to take it, both Leo and Scorpio will become better and stronger human beings due to their relationship.”

This is literally one of the things I absolutely love about their relationship. You can see the growth they cause in each other. I love it! Now, to the complications...

Cons of the Leo Scorpio Relationship:

“Both Leo and Scorpio are known for their inflexibility and refusal to adjust to their partner’s personalities. This will certainly create friction in their relationship, more so when they get caught up in arguments and ceaseless bickering.”

Yeah, this is most of Adventure 01. Jyou comment in epsiode 9 “What are they arguing about this time?” basically epitomizes this. You can’t really deal with their relationship without noting that this happens. 

“The optimism and idealism in the Leo can clash vehemently with Scorpio’s logical and realistic approach to life. This makes it difficult for them to embrace the differences between them and can widen the chasm in their relationship.” 

Yeah, this is a chasm that they have to overcome. But again, this one of the points of contention throughout Adventure, especially in the beginning. 

“Leo’s fiery temper and Scorpio’s jealousy might become additional factors that can cause unrest and resentment in their bond. Since both star signs are quite domineering, there is a possibility of a power struggle between the two.”

Taichi has a bit of a temper, but not nearly as badly as Yamato’s temper, ironically. But he definitely has one otherwise they wouldn’t have gotten into their fights. “It take two to tango”. It cools off for a while in 01, a lot in 02, and even more so in Tri. I do think Yamato would totally be a quite a bit possessive and jealous, if he is feeling too insecure. But, that is something I think they could work out given how loyal and trusting they are to each other. As to both being domineering, that is pretty accepted in fact, I believe that is what lead to Taiyama being created out of the Taito vs Yamachi issue.  

Conclusion:

“Because Leo and Scorpio are so different from each other, it is very important for them to find common ground and build the foundation of their relationship on it. Their union can be a unique experience for them both and can truly teach them enduring things in life. If they manage to embrace each other with their flaws and differences, they are likely to come out on top of every challenge that is thrown at their astrology compatibility. They will overcome every hurdle and will eventually form an unbreakable, powerful, and blissfully satisfying bond with each other.”

This last paragraph again, sums them up perfectly up to and including the “unbreakable, powerful, and blissfully satisfying bond with each other”. I mean whether or not you ship them, this is true within the series. But, this is why I have a hard time shipping them with anyone else. I totally believe they have been interested in romantically since 01 and no other bond could compare to the one they have. I mean even the epilogue... 

[rutilation]

You hear that subtle creaking noise?  That is the sound of the Sword of Damocles, its single thread fraying as it prepares to come crashing down on Gormie’s head.  Poor kid’s going to incur Ichikawa’s wrath if they keep tempting fate like this.  

One minute you’re having the time of your life visiting moon-disneyland while trashing your ex, but before you know it your author is going to dump some nasty plot twist on you like: “Actually, Aechmea was lying about your eyes,” “Actually, you’re just Ghost’s split-personality,” “Actually, Aechmea is using you as a science experiment.”  (in case you couldn’t tell, I’m dreading eagerly anticipating the payoff to all this buildup.)

So to start off, Aechmea was being quite ominous this chapter, and everything that came out of his mouth seemed like it had a double meaning that we poor readers don’t have enough information to decipher yet.  This line also seemed like a veiled way of suggesting that he has ulterior motives regarding Cairn beyond simply acquiring a trophy wife.

I’ve been thinking for a long time that whatever extenuating circumstances are keeping Kongou from praying must be pretty dire, because otherwise he has no reason to keep this carousel of misery going.  Every piece of humanity is suffering because of his inaction, and I don’t think he’d abide by that if there wasn’t something grave stopping him from taking action.  I also think it’s likely that Aechmea knows what this reason is, and is keeping that information from the gems.  So, now that Phos has cooled their head enough that they’re willing to try and talk things out, is Aechmea going to do something about that?  Do his cryptic words from this chapter allude to this?  Hmmmm…

Anyway, on to Phos.

What a good rock.

It’s good that Phos is more cognizant of the impact they have on others and that they’re trying to be less callous.  Keeping Alex from going through with that idea was definitely the right decision.  At the same time, I don’t think the answer to the conundrum of getting other people caught up in your problems is to take the weight of the world onto your shoulders and try to do everything by yourself. That’s essentially what Kongou has been doing the whole story, and look how that turned out.  Furthermore, one important aspect of Phos early in their character arc was how the other characters’ unwillingness to let Phos take responsibility for their own mistakes really ate away at their self-esteem.  The narrative seems to posit that taking away the consequences of someone’s actions and the responsibility of making decisions is tantamount to depriving another of their full personhood, even when the desire to do so comes from a place of compassion.

On a related note, I’ve noticed that both of the important people in Phos’s life are in a rather precarious position thanks to Phos’s actions, and additionally, nothing Phos does going forward is going to bail them out of it.  They both stand to gain something in the short term if Phos keeps failing at their task of getting Kongou to pray.  Cinnabar’s newfound acceptance is contingent on Phos trying (and failing) to assault Kongou.  The longer that keeps up, the longer they’ll be accepted by the other gems; Phos’s success would end that in an instant.  However, even if this were to become the new status quo, it wouldn’t make Cinnabar happy in the long run.  After all, one of the very first things we learn about them is that they hate fighting.  So once the novelty of their peers’ acceptance begins to wear off, they’re going to find themselves dissatisfied. 

Similarly, Cairn also stands to benefit in the short term if Phos keeps failing.  The longer Kongou doesn’t pray for the Lunarians, the more time they have with Aechmea.  But as chapter 71 showed, he’s the controlling type, which is pretty antithetical to Cairn’s desire to find freedom.  Aechmea’s behavior is probably just going to get worse and worse once the honeymoon-phase of the relationship is over, at which point Cairn’s life is going to be hell for every moment that Aechmea continues to stink up the mortal plane with his existence.

Before Phos got their grubby little paws on Cinnabar and Cairngorm, neither of them were living happy lives.  But they also didn’t hope for anything better, and were more or less resigned to their respective fates.  But now that they’ve ridden the wave of Phos’s change, both of them now have something to lose.  Whether Phos succeeds or fails in their quest, it seems to me that the two of them are going to have to save themselves if they don’t want to get badly burned (or worse) by the end of this debacle.

In this interview, Ichikawa alluded to the conundrum of whether or not it’s possible to save someone from themselves, and the way she talked about it makes it seem like a central conceit of the text.  Not to be totally predictable by referencing Utena once again in my essays, but that theme is one of the central conflicts in Utena as well.  The answer that series comes to is that people can really only save themselves, and that the most the people around them can do is give that person the tools and opportunity to do so.  It also posits that trying to do otherwise creates a toxic relationship wherein the savior has ultimate power over the one being saved, thus tainting the altruism that might have inspired one to save another in the first place.  I wonder if HnK will come to a similar conclusion.

Going back to Cinnabar for a minute, while I’m taking it as a given that the rest of the earth gems will drop them like a bad habit the second they stop being useful, I do have a bit of faith that Bort will stick up for them.  Let’s talk about Bort.

Unlike most of the other gems still on earth, Bort has grown since the start of the manga.  They can say that change is for weaklings all they want, but the Bort we were introduced to is quite different from Bort as we know them now.  Their establishing scene in the manga has them scoffing at the idea of helping someone who they saw as a burden, someone who’s unwilling to help themselves.  But whatever scorn they had towards Phos early in the manga—by their own logic—they would have had for Cinnabar twice over. Where Phos was merely useless, Cinnabar was an actual liability.  Where Phos was haphazard and lazy in their efforts, Cinnabar is almost pathologically passive and self-defeating.

But by the time they actually met Cinnabar, they had changed.  And nowadays, it seems they’re trying to act as the Shinsha Whisperer.  Because of a series of gradual changes catalyzed by Phos and Dia, they’ve come to realize that:

A.     People can have potential that isn’t immediately apparent

B.     They themselves can have a more enriching role in their society than that of a surly guard dog

Plenty of people have written about how Bort is more thoughtful and sensitive than they initially appeared to be, but it’s usually couched in terms of the reader pulling back the veil of gruffness to reveal sweet, jellyfish-loving soul underneath.  While I don’t think that’s inaccurate per se, the way I see it is that certain events in the story have nurtured their growth as a character, causing them to slowly become less of an asshole.  I find that to be a more fruitful framework to work with than simply: “We the readers didn’t understand Bort at first because of incomplete information and now we do.”

What I’m getting at is that since they were willing to set aside a bit of their pride and step outside of their comfort zone in order to change, I have more faith in them to do the right thing than the people surrounding them.  Most of the gems are polite, agreeable, charming, etc…but the way the outcasts of their society have been treated throughout the narrative speaks volumes, much more than a veil of civility ever could.  What other read am I supposed to get from chapter five?  Not to trash on two-thirds of the cast or anything, but I think most of these characters are just going along to get along, and aren’t terribly concerned about anything or anyone that doesn’t directly affect them.

Speaking of earth gems that I don’t trust:

Ichikawa keeps repeating the image of Euclase looming over Phos.  This is the third time now.

Anyway, Cairn is once again happening.  And, umm...

Hate to break it to you buddy, but I’m pretty sure the call’s coming from inside the house.  What episode of The Twilight Zone have we entered in which Cairngorm needs Ghost’s help in order to look disgusted with everything?

There’s not much I can say about Cairn in this chapter that I didn’t already say in my Cairn essay.  While it’s certainly upsetting to learn that they were suicidal while Phos was in a coma, it’s also not exactly shocking.  That said, I do have one additional observation.  This has been on my mind for a while, but I’ve never really brought it up because it’s existed in the realm of subtext, and sometimes I am a timid little bean who doesn’t want to risk putting my foot in my mouth.

Cairngorm is pretty good at reading people, aren’t they?  In this scene in chapter 50 they seem to have a much stronger grasp on Kongou’s state of mind than Phos ever has, they can always tell when Phos is lying or otherwise putting up a front, and I’m fairly certain they’re basing their current affectation on what they have inferred that Aechmea wants.  I bring this up because of this moment from the chapter:

While we the audience have the benefit of hindsight, tone, and framing to indicate that Aechmea is up to something duplicitous in this scene, Cairn doesn’t.  But they still immediately pick up on the fact that he’s being shady.  They phrase this observation as if it’s a joke rather than a source of genuine unease, but the fact that the composition of the page lingers on this line is rather telling, leading me to think Cairn is trying to laugh off something that is in actuality causing them anxiety.

The only other thing that caught my attention is that Cairn called Aechmea by his name.  I guess whatever reason he has for not liking his name, it’s not because he considers it an insult?

Finally, just as a reminder, I’ve started cross-posting my essays to ao3 in case tumblr dies or whatever.  So, if that does happen, you can find me there.

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 18

Happy 2019, Everyone!   While 2018 was a rough one in a lot of regards, I am always thankful that it is the year that I really got going on this story.  I really want to thank everyone who has been following this far, and I hope to keep you all engaged in the year to come.  One of my goals for the year (I do not do resolutions) is to post at least 2k words each week for this story, without interruption.  Wish me luck!

Shoutout in this chapter goes to @werewolf2578, because this is the chapter where we first mention her character Grey Hodenson.  Don’t worry, I’m not finished with Zach Khan yet, by a long shot!

“We need a swimming pool.” All eyes turned to my sister as she stared into nothingness, a contemplative look on her face as she took a sip of her wine. This week, family dinner was in her quarters, and we had been discussing task allotment just a moment earlier. Tyche’s statement had come quite suddenly, and out of nowhere.

“I’m definitely for that idea, but where in the world did that come from?” I asked.

“I miss swimming,” she stated firmly.  “I can’t be the only one.  Additionally, a swimming pool would provide additional work for those who have no assigned tasks, allow exercise for those on the ship with mobility restrictions, and a lot of people find it very relaxing.”

Arantxa hummed thoughtfully, seeing the connection to the previous discussion. “Also, it would be a communal activity, of which we are actually sorely lacking onboard. We had an overwhelmingly positive response to the international food bazaar for Insert Winter Holiday of Choice, and feedback did indicate that a significant portion of that was due to the community aspect of it.”

“I don’t know if we have the resources for it, honestly, and it depends on the scale.  You have to remember, we are essentially on a life raft.   It’s a rather spacious and luxurious one, but still,” I pointed out.

Conor tugged his ear, then glanced up at the ceiling. “Noah.  Do we have the resources for a swimming area? Any size, mate.  Just on a lark.”

The buzzing voice filled the room with a sigh before responding. “Yes, Human-Conor, we have sufficient resources to construct a swimming area – “ We started cheering, only to be cut off when it continued “ – provided such an area were, indeed, confined to fit on the surface of the Terran avian you spoke of.”

This elicited a round of groans. “Noah, that was a terrible pun.”

“Wisdom, I did not mean it in a humorous way. Conor inquired if the ship had sufficient resources to construct a swimming area of any size, limiting the parameters to have it fit on a bird.”

“You cannot be serious.  I know you understand figures of speech, you use them all the time.  ‘On a lark’ indicates that the suggestion is hypothetical.”

“While I do understand Terran idioms at times, those times are limited to when I am physically present.”

Tyche and I perked up considerably at this information, while Conor, Arantxa, and Antione simply looked confused.  Obviously, they did not read much science fiction in the Before.  “Can you explain that, Noah, so that everyone in the room better understands? Soph and I have an idea what you’re talking about, but I want to make sure.”

“Gladly, Tyche. When we speak as we are now, you are speaking to one of several bodies that are permanently stationed in the communications and control room, for monitoring remote inquiries. Because we are not physically present where you are, communication is limited to audio-only, with no neuro-pheromonal component.  As such, we are only hearing translations.  In both your and your sister’s quarters, I am also provided a translation of facial expressions so that I may take into account data provided via body language, to ensure more enriched understanding.

“When one of my bodies is physically present, however, there is the added layer of neuro-pheromonal communication, which allows me to pick up information that you are not providing directly and communicate most accurately with you.  At these times, I am able to utilize body language you understand, interpret idioms, and recognize strategic falsehoods.”

“So, psychic taint is what you’re saying,” I summed up for the room.

“It is not telepathy, Wisdom. We have spoken on this.”

“She did sum up in two words what you just needed several minutes to explain,” Antoine pointed out. “You also have a sense of humor when you’re actually with us.” This last part was directed at the ceiling.

“What I don’t understand,” I continued, jumping on something I had noticed on several occasions, “You still communicate mentally with Tyche when you’re remote.”

“No they don’t,” my sister corrected me, looking confused.

“Horse shit,” I laughed. “I’ve seen you do it.”

As if to prove my point, my sister tilted her head thoughtfully, then made a face like someone just explained something to her. “I guess it does look like we are communicating mentally,” she conceded. “I’m sub-vocalizing, actually.  In response, they communicate directly into my translator, with no perceptible sound, kind of how it works when Derek signs to someone.  You don’t actually hear what he is saying, but your translator still provides it.” She tapped her temple for emphasis.

Conor’s face screwed up in confusion. “What do you mean, sub-vocalizing?”

I could only shrug, since I had no context to explain it.  Tyche glanced at me, then clarified. “It depends on how you think.  Some people think in bursts of information, or in pictures, or in abstractions. Others think in whole concepts, all in one part, like an egg.  Then, you have people whose internal thoughts are just parallel internal dialogues, full sentences, like they are speaking to themselves in their head. The last one is subvocalization.  Some people do it naturally, like me or Soph over there – one of the signs is being a naturally fast reader, actually, because you are reading at the speed that your internal thoughts go.  Other people learn to do it, usually because they have to communicate through sign language. Which is how Derek can still communicate with the Miys when he is in his quarters, despite the fact that his rooms have absolute minimal monitoring and no video to pick up sign language. Arantxa, you could do the same thing, if you wanted.”

Both my eyebrows launched up toward my hairline as I turned to my friend and assistant. She wrinkled her nose slightly, “I am fluent in both ASL and BSL.”

“You don’t even speak English!”

She shrugged elegantly. “Concepts are concepts, and those were the most prominent sign languages.  It helped in my role as an ambassadorial adjunct if we had no need to find an interpreter on short notice.”

“So, we’ve established that we need to be more literal when we are speaking to the Miys remotely, that the translators are calibrated to pick up internal dialogue, and that our lovely Basque compatriot speaks sign language fluently,” Connor recapped.  “But that does not answer the first question, mate. Do we, hypothetically, have the resources to make a swimming area of any size on the Ark?”

Oh, right.  We had really gotten off track.

“The resources exist, but not the space, Conor.”  Tyche burrowed her head into Antoine’s shoulder and groaned loudly in dramatic disappointment as he tried to suppress a laugh at her behavior.  “However, may I make a suggestion?” the Miys continued.

“Please do,” I rested my chin on my folded hands, curious.

“There is already a rather large area set aside for aquatic testing, in attempts to adapt non-predatory species to Kepler 442b, much like Conor’s aeroponics experiments.  It is a rather significant volume of water, and the Council may be able to persuade the scientists to allow the area to serve dual purpose for what you are asking.  My understanding of humans is that you will swim in any body of water that is not immediately dangerous to you, along with some that are, so it may be beneficial for the testing that the researchers understand how the species react to this inevitable event.”

That was actually a rather devious suggestion. “How did none of us know about this?” I asked, incredulously.

“Experimental research areas fall under the purview of Councillor Hodenson, I believe,” the Miys replied. This was actually a very good point. While I served as a member of the Council, it was mostly in a capacity geared towards interpersonal interaction and social health – like Human Resources and Recreation all in one. Grey Hodenson, on the other hand, was a researcher first, foremost, and always.  That they were the Council member who oversaw all of the research bays was the most logical use of their talents.

“Conor should still have known,” Arantxa pointed out, turning to look at him.

He held his hands up defensively. “I’m not actually a researcher, remember?  I volunteer, I hang out in the aeroponics bay, but at the end of the day, I’m in structural engineering.  Engineering is under Councillor Huynh.”

“That’s fair,” Tyche agreed.

I, however, suppressed a shudder. Giang Huynh was a brilliant man, both creative and logical, but he had a tendency to see people as just another type of building block: maximum function with minimal resources. In all of our interactions, I spent most of my time trying to temper his tendency to forget that people needed more to life than work.  Any compromise Huynh and I were able to reach was usually the result of a massive shouting match, but also inevitably garnered unwavering support from the rest of the council. The idea of rambunctious, fun-loving Conor reporting up to someone like that made me feel very defensive of my friend.

Pushing the thought out of my mind, I started thinking everything through out loud. “So, since need for construction would be minimal at most, Councillor Huynh should not have any objections. Grey will likely jump at the chance for the new data on how the adapted aquatics react once humans start invading their habitat, so that’s three out of six of the Council who we can probably count on to pass it.  Who can we see needing the most persuasion?”

After a brief exchange of glances between her and my sister, Arantxa nodded firmly. “Xiomara Kalloe, Councilor for Safety.  She takes her role very seriously, and will try to poke holes in it every which way possible to ensure something of this scale is as safe as possible.  It was not an issue for the food bazaar, but swimming means drowning, watercraft, etc.”

I shook my head, “No. No watercraft.  We want a swimming area, not an amusement park. Floating platforms for diving, maybe, but nothing mobile that requires technology to move.  If we can’t swim it out, row it, or just float it around, it’s a no-go.  As for the rest, I’m going to go to Xiomara first, before even presenting this to the Council.”

“You’re going to do it, aren’t you?” Tyche asked mischievously.

When I nodded enthusiastically, Antione looked between us curiously. “For those of us not sharing your psychic sister-bond, what is ‘it’?”

My sister and I shared a predatory grin before I conceded the floor to her with a sweeping gesture. “It is one of Soph’s more… insidiously persuasive tactics.  Pretty much the only time she manipulates people for personal gain, actually. Fortunately, she doesn’t use it for evil.” She gave a mock-shudder before going on. “She always tackles challenges head-on, right? Well, that works for most stuff, but when it’s a person, not so much. So, she comes at it sideways instead.  Goes to the person who is going to be her obstacle, tells them what she wants to do, lays out all the risks and rewards involved – specifically as many risks as she can see them pointing out.  Then, she asks their opinion on how to minimize those risks, along with any other ones they see.  She doesn’t try to outthink them; instead, she lets them defeat themselves by asking them politely to find problems, fix them, and when she’s done, they can’t have any objections, right?  After all, they themselves already poked and patched it. And, voila, the enemy is her staunchest ally, the dragon defeated itself, and they don’t even know the battle took place.”

Three sets of wide-eyed faces turned to where I was sitting back, sipping my wine innocently.

“There’s a reason so many people like her,” Tyche laughed.

“And this actually works?” Arantxa asked carefully.

“The vast majority of the time,” I confirmed.

“And no one has figured it out yet?”

“Oh, they usually figure it out, eventually.  But by then, they usually just feel like they’re in on the joke when I do it to someone else. Worst case scenario, they at least admit that it was much more effective than if I tried arguing.”

“That must take a lot of confidence to pull off,” Antoine pointed out, somewhat skeptical.

“Actually, it takes the opposite,” I corrected. “It takes absolute humility to do it. And it has to be genuine, you can’t just fake being humble.  Which is why this is the best way to handle this: I’m not dumb enough to think that we can predict every objection Councillor Kalloe will come up with, nor how exacting she will be in wanting to fix it.  Why dither around, present the idea, go back, try to fix it, over and over and over? Instead, I can just go to her privately, ask her to tear it apart, and then just have her tell me exactly how she would like it fixed.  It isn’t false flattery, it’s deferring to her expertise.”

Arantxa nodded in conviction. “Well then, let us go convince the dragon to slay herself.”

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[keepingupwithlinmanuel]

Critic's Notebook: Lin-Manuel Miranda Puts a New Shine on 'Hamilton' in Puerto Rico

Reprising the title role in his blockbuster revolutionary musical about the Founding Fathers, the Tony-winning actor reveals greater depth of feeling, surprising moments of playfulness and enriched vocal skills.

Here's the headline news about Lin-Manuel Miranda's star turn in the Puerto Rico engagement of Hamilton that opened Friday on its title character's 262nd birthday: Not only is there no sign of rustiness in his performance after a two and a half-year absence, he's actually improved.

No less notable is the fact that he's surrounded by a sensational new company. They may have been assembled for the third U.S. tour — with Miranda reprising the title role just for this feverishly anticipated opening stint before making way for another actor in subsequent stops — but this is a knockout ensemble that could proudly open on Broadway tomorrow.

That in itself is remarkable given that the show bowed without a single public preview, playing its very first performance Jan. 11 at the Centro de Bellas Artes to an auditorium packed with San Juan's finest, along with notables and superfans from way farther afield.

Under Thomas Kail's impeccable direction, and with music director Alex Lacamoire back in the conductor's spot for this special occasion, the company already are working in a seamless groove, their characterizations amply fleshed out and their rapport expertly tuned. Opening-night nerves are notorious for causing the occasional slip, but aside from a dropped glove in one number, I spotted nothing amiss.

Even when executing choreographer Andy Blankenbuehler's more intricate dances, vigorously mixing up angularity and fluidity, the cast give the illusion of having performed these moves together for months.

If I had to nitpick, I'd say only that the sound mix could be amped up a notch. It's vital in Hamilton — one of the most audacious feats of condensed storytelling in musical history — that we hear every rapid-fire lyric. That need for clarity is admirably served, but the show felt just slightly underamplified. Or maybe it's just that I like to be positively blasted by Miranda's propulsive score.

One of the biggest of the spontaneous cheers that erupted from the audience during the show occurred, as it often does, on a line in "Yorktown" shared by Hamilton and his French comrade Lafayette: "Immigrants, we get the job done." This engagement definitely feels like a significant step in the evolution of a cultural phenomenon that reclaims U.S. history as a narrative belonging as much to people of color as to white America.

So seeing the show amid a sea of brown Latino faces gave a powerful charge to that metatextual element. "Who lives, who dies, who tells your story?" is one of the musical's key questions, after all. And at Friday's opening, so clearly the culmination of a passion project for Miranda to honor his Puerto Rican heritage, there was a tangible spirit of generosity, of giving something back to the people of a Caribbean island, a geographical kin to the one where Alexander Hamilton himself was born.

Perhaps that additional frisson partly accounts for the deepened accomplishment of Miranda's performance as the show's brilliant but flawed hero, a character whose relentless drive mirrors that of the musical's creator. There's a richness to his character shadings that feels like the result not just of prolonged association but of fresh consideration after a period of distance, maybe because the immigrant contribution to American life has never felt so under siege as in the Trump era. It's also a joy to watch Miranda cutting up in the role in appropriate moments. The whimsical little dance he does after receiving permission from Eliza Schuyler's father to ask for her hand in marriage is endearingly goofy, as is his comical swagger in the cabinet battles with Thomas Jefferson.

More astonishing, however, is his improved vocal prowess. Miranda has always been a hyper-energized rapper and magnetic performer but you'd hardly call him a great singer. Possibly as a result of his recent work on Mary Poppins Returns, his vocals are smoother, stronger, more expressive. Just hearing him on "It's Quiet Uptown," a song of lacerating beauty that redefines "unimaginable" loss, was a revelation.

It was obvious to expect a second-skin performance from the guy who built the role and played it for a year and a half from the show's pre-Broadway debut at New York's Public Theater. But this is more like a rebirth.

Having seen my share of mediocre tours with third-rate performers, I was equally thrilled by the caliber of the entire company. Even while following a template created by the original principals (a number of whom were in the audience opening night in San Juan), the cast put their own subtle stamp on their characters and songs.

Read the rest here. And you should definitely watch the embedded clip which is a sizzle reel of clips from the show!

[rodrigobellamy]

10 Benefits To Building Altars In Your Own Home

The next benefits are why I build altars, and just how they could alter your life.

It enables the individual to get a direct connection with the divine, nevertheless, you elect to look at the divine.

You learn new and creative solutions to view situations in your lifetime.

Building altars can be a positive way to do something about those activities in your life that could be negatively influencing you. That reference to the divine is definitely an excellent.

It can help that you have a spiritual center that you experienced in case you don't engage in a form of organized religion. However, you'll probably still build altars even though you may. It will still enrich your lifetime.

5. Creating altars can be an form of art. As opposed to what some may think, finding out what to put on your altar so that you can garner the outcomes you want takes time, thought plus an comprehension of symbolism. You may think you can't draw, paint as well as write, but anybody can build a beautiful altar. 6. That brings me to one of my absolute favorites aspects of creating altars, and one of its benefits; you will get an extremely large mental library of symbols. You learn colors in addition to their ancient meanings, what animals symbolized for indigenous peoples and many other characters. It is possible to take it a step further and learn ancient varieties of symbology including the tarot deck if you're like doing so. 7. Building altars is meditative and relaxing. Another benefit within this high stress world we are now living in. 8. If you are a crafter, creating items on your altar is yet another method to relax and take action for you personally. 9. Altars create a spiritual center in your house and build positive energy and flow of one's during your home. 10. Altars are certainly one way to introduce children to spirituality and the divine, as well as permit them to actively participate by assisting you to with all the building should they so choose. As you can see there are lots of advantages of both building altars and achieving them at your residence. It is my hope that many more people will need good thing about this glorious tool for spiritual living which you have entry to. More info about Ban Tho Chung Cu Hien Dai view our web portal.

[fear-god-shun-evil]

Getting Good Job Doesn’t Depend on Diploma But God’s Arrangement

By Dingding

“Are you like me, who work hard silently in sweat under the sun? Are you like me, who will not give up pursuing the desired life even when faced with cold shoulders? …” Every time this familiar melody resounds in my ears, my thoughts will go back to the past …

I Studied Hard for a Diploma

In 2011, I failed the college entrance examination, and met my Waterloo for the first time. Unwilling to admit defeat, I resolutely went to study in a highly-academic high school of the neighboring county for another year. During that period, I got up at 6 a.m. and would continue to study under the covers with a flashlight after the evening study session. I finished my workbooks one after another and I read my Chinese Politics textbook so often that it was completely dog-eared. … Although study was very boring and tiring, I firmly believed that one day my hard work would surely pay off.

In the college entrance examination of 2012, I got 564, a good mark that was 2 points higher than the cutoff score of the key university. I was very happy, and thought: All my hard work is not in vain after all! With this high score I am surely able to enter a good university, and so find a good job after graduation. With full confidence I applied for admission to a well-known university, which was my first choice. However, I had never expected that the entry score of that university was 565! Only because of one point margin, I missed the university I had always dreamed of attending. At the moment, my heart was full of disappointment and unwillingness. Comparing my hard study and great effort in the past with the present result, I was disappointed and remorseful in my heart.

After the examination, my mother led me to believe in God. However, I didn’t take belief in God seriously, nor did I attend gatherings regularly. In my heart, I still wanted to change my fate by my ability. Afterward, I chose a local mediocre university, yet I was not reconciled to such a humble life. I thought that as long as I was willing to pay the price, I would surely get a payback. During my college years, I was nearly always the one who got up earliest and listened in class most attentively among all my classmates. When my teachers taught professional knowledge, I made careful notes of it and turned it over in my mind. In addition, I often read extracurricular books in the library to enrich myself. In order to improve my overall assessment score, I joined the students’ union of my faculty, actively undertook all sorts of activities in cooperation with the faculty; I also organized teams to take part in social activities in summer holiday, received a first prize for it in the university, and the essay I wrote about it was published in the campus newspaper. In my junior year, to improve my professional equipment, I spent my summer holiday going to a training organization that was quite far from my home to attend vocational skills training every day. I hoped, with my own efforts to enrich my life experience, I could get more scores to build a strong foundation for finding a good job in the future. My efforts produced corresponding returns—I won the first and second scholarship in the university many times. For this, I was confident that relying on my efforts, I would surely find a good job and have a beautiful future.

Relying on Myself, I Always Ran Into Walls

Time was transient. Soon I would graduate and so had to find a job. I wrote all my experiences and prizes on my resume and confidently attended more than ten recruitment road shows and sent out my resume to the large famous enterprises that offered jobs related to my major. Unexpectedly, my resume was either refused on the spot, or received without further reply. I couldn’t help but feel perplexed: Are all my efforts of these years in vain? Are my university diploma and all my prizes not enough for me to get a good job?

In a gathering, I poured out my frustrations of hunting for a job to the brothers and sisters. A sister fellowshiped with me: “Our prospect and fate are in the hands of God. What job you will take up in the future has long ago been predestined by God. It’s not determined by our experience or diploma. So we should rely more on God to find a job.” Having heard her words of comfort, I agreed with my mouth but wasn’t convinced in my heart. I thought: It is obvious that knowledge can change man’s fate and that our destiny is in our own hands, but you said man’s fate is in the hands of God. I believe, relying on my strength I am surely able to find a satisfactory job.

After returning to school, I continued sending out my resumes everywhere and attended large job fairs. I firmly believed that I was surely able to find a job fitting in with my major. However, after a period of time, I still came up against walls. Either the jobs weren’t suited to my major, or the companies didn’t employ average university students. … The crushing defeat made me a little downhearted and puzzled about my future. But when I looked at my diploma and the various certificates in my hands, I steeled myself: Now that I cannot find a job fitting in with my major, I can choose the one that is out of my field. I believe, relying on my ability, I can definitely find a good job. Consequently, I started to send out my resumes to other companies. One time, I got an interview with a small information technology company. When I went for the interview, I encountered a graduate from a famous university and I was very surprised: How come she also applies for the job here? Could it be that she has a higher diploma but is also incapable of finding a good job? I couldn’t help sinking into thoughts: Why can’t I find a good job even though I have made great efforts? Am I really unable to control my own fate?

Finding the Root, My Heart Was Released

Until the coming of the New Year holiday, I still hadn’t found a suitable job. During the whole Spring Festival, I was very anxious. Every day, I focused on my phone to browse job-search websites, and constantly refreshed the web pages lest I might miss any good job. I didn’t dare to visit my relatives or friends, because I was afraid that they would ask about my work. I was worried about my work all day long. When I had no other option, I was forced to come before God and prayed to Him: “God! I have looked for a job for so long but I still can’t find a suitable one. Now, I am very puzzled and helpless. I don’t know why I always run into walls. May You enlighten and guide me.” After the prayer, I suddenly remembered God’s words the sister had fellowshiped with me before. God’s words say: “The fate of man is controlled by the hands of God. You are incapable of controlling yourself: Despite always rushing and busying about for himself, man remains incapable of controlling himself. If you could know your own prospects, if you could control your own fate, would you still be a creature?” Then, I saw another passage of God’s words: “For one sees that when one does not comprehend fate, when one does not understand God’s sovereignty, when one gropes forward willfully, staggering and tottering, through the fog, the journey is too difficult, too heartbreaking. So when people recognize God’s sovereignty over human fate, the smart ones choose to know it and accept it, to bid farewell to the painful days when they tried to build a good life with their own two hands, instead of continuing to struggle against fate and pursue their so-called life goals in their own manner.”

Having read God’s words, I had a deeply-felt understanding of them. After failing the college entrance examination, with the unwillingness to give in to fate, I chose to repeat a year of high school. However, after another year of hardship, I missed the opportunity again to enter the key university by only one point margin. At university, I strived to enrich myself, participated actively in all sorts of activities and vocational skills training. After graduation, I braved the wind and rain to attend many job fairs, but those recruiters did not even glance at my resume. … In retrospect, I started to have an awakening: Since I began my schooling, I have always lived by these thoughts and views, such as “One’s destiny is in his own hand” and “Man can create a bright future with his own two hands.” I thought that my fate was in my own hands, that as long as I made efforts and had a good diploma, I would surely be able to find a good job. To think I should have come up against walls. I spent all my university days striving to learn. Because of studying day and night, not only has my health broken down, but also much time has been missed which I should have spent with my friends. However, for the sake of my future and my dream, I made persistent efforts. When I succeeded academically and owned the “passport” to a good job, I always wanted to get a position in high enterprise by relying on my diploma and certificates. When my efforts didn’t pay off, I didn’t submit to the arrangement of fate but always wanted to cast off God’s sovereignty. As a result, I lived in suffering and struggled bitterly. God did not have the heart to see me being afflicted by Satan. Through the sister’s fellowship, I knew that God’s will was for me to rely on Him and obey His sovereignty and arrangements. But I had been profoundly deceived by Satan’s lies, so even though I had heard God’s words, I still didn’t believe them. On the contrary, I was led around on a leash by Satan, attempted in vain to rely on myself to change my fate, and ended up living in pain hopelessly. Now I know that the thoughts and viewpoints that I relied upon for existence are all means for Satan to corrupt and fool humanity, all negative things for me to betray God and stray from God, and are all despised by God. If I continued holding such a view of resisting God, then I would only live in pain.

Afterward, I saw God’s words say: “When you repeatedly investigate and carefully dissect the various goals of life that people pursue and their various different ways of living, you will find that not one of them fits the Creator’s original intention when He created humanity. All of them draw people away from the Creator’s sovereignty and care; they are all pits into which humanity falls, and which lead them to hell. After you recognize this, your task is to lay aside your old view of life, stay far from various traps, let God take charge of your life and make arrangements for you, try only to submit to God’s orchestrations and guidance, to have no choice, and to become a person who worships God.” When I did not know God’s sovereignty, I always wanted to create a good life and to rewrite my fate with my own hands, only to live in Satan’s deception and affliction and in great distress. Now, God’s words point out to me the right way and direction of practice: putting aside my previous, wrong views of pursuit and no longer living by those satanic philosophies. What occupation we will take up and how much wealth we can possess are all determined by God’s mastery and predestination. They are decided neither by ourselves, nor by our diploma or work experience. I am a creature and I should let God take charge of my life. Only by obeying the sovereignty and arrangements of the Creator can I get rid of the suffering of my hard struggle, receive God’s blessings, and live easily and happily!

My Dream Came True by Relying on God

Subsequently, I no longer relied on my own ability to look for a job but learned to rely on God and obey His sovereignty and arrangements. I prayed to God: “God! My future and fate are in Your hands. What job I can find is also controlled by Your hands. I am willing to submit to Your orchestration and arrangement and go by Your words.” When I truly entrusted all things to God, I saw God’s marvelous deeds.

After the Spring Festival holiday, I sent out a resume on the Internet. Then, I received an offer for an interview from a company and passed it successfully. This company is very close to my home, so I could believe in God and perform my duty while I worked there. Later on, I heard that since our company had never employed graduating students, I was the first one. And in that interview, there was the other candidate who graduated from a famous university, but I was actually employed. Having learned about these, I was deeply moved. This made me truly see God’s almightiness and sovereignty. When I was willing to obey God’s sovereignty, I saw His blessings.

After I worked for a year, our company accepted a project in another area, and intended me to take a three-day business trip there per week. It was very far and would take me a whole day to travel to and back. In that case, I could not attend meetings regularly; meanwhile, my family also worried that it was not safe for me, a girl, to rush about outside, so they all disagreed with my continuing working there. Facing the present environment, I felt very conflicted in my heart: It’s not easy for me to find this satisfactory job. If I resign, could I find another good job like this? But if I don’t resign, I cannot stand such a long journey for a long term and I cannot attend gatherings regularly. What should I do?

As I was hesitating, I saw God’s words that say: “That you can submit to each day’s environment that God prepares and each day of life He gives you, letting Him lead you, that you can most happily and peacefully live in His presence, allow Him to lead you, and are able to submit to His sovereignty. If you have this kind of attitude, you will then come to see without conscious effort that all this is under God’s command.” Pondering the words of God, I understood that although I didn’t know what would happen after giving up this job, I should truly rely on God, committing to God the matter whether I could find a suitable job in the future, and letting Him rule over and arrange it. If God had predestined me to have a good job, I could find one; if not, it couldn’t be forced and I was only willing to obey Him. So, I came before God and prayed: “God! My fate is in Your hands. I am just willing to entrust my job to Your hands. May You lead me. No matter what job I will find, I’m willing to submit to Your orchestration and arrangement.” So, I resigned.

A few days later, I saw God’s love again. The next day after I sent out my resume, I got an interview from another famous enterprise. I attended the interview with the attitude of giving it a try, and I didn’t expect that right in the afternoon of the same day, I was told that I was hired. Favorably, this company has two-day weekend, so I am able to attend gatherings on a regular basis. After I was employed, my leader told me: “Generally, we only employ men, and in that interview there was a male candidate, but we have hired you anyway. So you should work hard….”

In my experience, I saw that it is God who actually rules over all things. My leader’s thoughts are in God’s hands; that I could find a job is also ruled and arranged by God. Thank God for His opening up a way out for me, and letting me find a suitable job and taste the sweetness of obeying His sovereignty.

[primrooks]

Happy 3rd Birthday Strange Magic!

   Three years of hindsight definitely gives you a perspective on who and where you were at the time. 2014-5 me was an upstart animation student who’d have been close to finishing her first film, coasting on that cloud of bliss before being critiqued to some sense of humility by her future thesis advisor the very next semester (miss you, Mario). In addition, I was feeling the exhaustion of following the wrong online group at the wrong time.

   Said group consisted of people I had followed for about three years as well, online comedians and video essayists whose opinions I perhaps… leaned too much of my own time and identity on. From them I learned what personalized, in-depth and thoughtful media critique could look like, but they all also happened to be five to ten years older than me. I simmered in defensive stupor if we disagreed, and they had personal drama way out of my depth at the time. It struck me then how little I actually knew these people. The whole affair felt like seeing your favorite teachers at school toss passive-aggressive insults at each other if they met at the hallway. Some people fed on the drama, added fire to it; I just knew that this didn’t settle with me.

   The next step was stupefyingly easy; I clicked “unfollow” a bunch and kept my interest based on their work rather than their personas. What finally pushed me to do just that was Strange Magic.

   Back around late 2014, I happened to catch @joons and @mothlissa’s back-and-forth about this strange, strange animated movie that LucasFilm barely bothered to promote, and I’d frankly never seen such alert interest in something I knew that my then-Twitter circle would mock to death.

   These two were just talking and theorizing about this film without the slightest hint of sarcasm. They honestly loved it even before it came out, and I thought I’d already seen how this played out for other people: anticipation mutating into crushing disappointment, followed by weeks of backhanded snarks on Twitter. But the whole affair got me interested, enough for me to actually create the first fanart for this movie for the Strange Magic Tumblr tag. What started as a sprout became a sky-piercing beanstalk soon after, as I believe I’ve seen Strange Magic in theaters up to four or five times. I went on that aforementioned unfollowing spree shortly even before the movie came out, simply because I was tired of having my enjoyment of movies be hampered by the jaded opinions of others.

   And the greatest surprise of all was how Strange Magic introduced me to the fact that well, fandom could be fun. I could find people I’d want to interact with in real life, and that even I could add to the conversation. I’ve definitely produced my share of fanart, headcanons and meta writing with this movie, and I’ve shared in the collective delight of seeing new fandom members trickle in (often to their own delight and confusion). It introduced me to such a close-knit and positive online atmosphere that I can’t say I’ve found anywhere else, and I wouldn’t trade my Strange Magic mutuals @joons, @mothlissa, @mooncactus, @dainesanddaffodils, @pimpernels and @proserphone for anyone else in the world.

   Strange Magic happened to come around a time when I was sorting myself out of some growing pains. It arrived when I was stepping out of an emotionally draining social media scape and into a much more enriching and amicable space, something I would’ve sorely needed given everything that would transpire on a worldwide scale the following years. It’s bizarre that this screwy jukebox musical would be a lightning rod for so many kind, open and funny people, but that also speaks to the sincerity at the heart of the movie.

   Faulty pacing notwithstanding, Strange Magic is a genuinely sweet story about two heartbroken people rekindling that spark of romance through another person who accepts them for who they are. And the ride to get there is fraught with all sorts of twists and turns, and that often makes for some of the best love stories. Its main characters may be a couple of brash cynics, but having to play the straight men to the shenanigans around them is what unites them in this odd kinship that naturally brings down their defenses.

   Come to think of it, that’s a funny parallel to the relationships between the Strange Magic fan community, honestly. I think most of us came to the tags to make some sense of the dissonance between the critical consensus of this movie vs our own maddening love for it, until we basically came to shrug and shout, “Eh, who cares!” We had nothing to lose for being genuine, so we let loose and basked in each other’s company as part of a mutual appreciation society, and we made some great friends along the way. That’s what this movie has truly given me over the years, and I hope it can do so for even more people as they discover it.

[mkkenvs3000]

Stoicism - my approach to nature interpretation

My personal ethic as a nature interpreter is to act in a stoic manner. Stoicism is a branch of ethics and philosophy, which essentially involves bringing an unbothered and practical approach to situations we are faced with in life. The technical definition of stoicism is “a philosophy of personal ethics informed by its system of logic and its views on the natural world” (Wikipedia, 2021). It was one of the new philosophical movements of the Hellenistic period, using theories from Plato and Aristotle (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, 2018). One of the primary principles is the constant development of self-control and fortitude, in order to diminish destructive emotions and actions. It also involves becoming a clear and unbiased thinker, so we can exercise universal reason. The main purpose of living this way is to improve your personal well-being, but there is also a heavy involvement of nature in this philosophy. Using stoic reasoning, we are all equal and should be treated fairly, because we are all products of nature. Anything that comes from nature deserves respect, which is important in nature interpretation, but is something I also really believe in (Wikipedia, 2021).  While the textbook does not reference stoicism directly, it is beneficial to bring stoic qualities into nature interpretation. 

(Aristotle // Learn Religions, 2017). 

When it comes to a lot of issues surrounding nature, I am a disappointed optimist. In the news and on social media, we are constantly bombarded with bad news regarding climate change, politics surrounding the environment, and the state of nature in general. Having all this knowledge about how we have destroyed the environment, and how we keep continuing to do so, makes me disappointed in the human race. I would love to think that we would put the future of our planet and all those who inhabit it above capital, but it doesn't seem like that is happening. On the flip side, I know there are a lot of people who are passionate as I am about these issues. There are lots of positive things being done to try and reverse the damage that has been done, and while there have been a lot of set-backs, the effort is definitely there. You probably already know that for decades, we have been watching the coral reefs die through coral bleaching, creating huge losses of biodiversity as a result. However, two Australian universities have developed an underwater robot that has been helping bring the reefs back (Chow, 2018)! The robot is called LarvalBot, and it has dispersed a hundred thousand baby corals into the ocean, where they grow and repair the damage that has been done (Chow, 2018). While this is not a perfect treatment, innovations such as this give me hope for our future, while still leaving plenty of room for disappointment. 

 The fact that there is so much negativity in the world is especially why people, like nature interpreters, need to keep things light sometimes. This is important to keep your clients happy and in the moment. As stated in the textbook, 

“The interpreter aims to enrich and to excite people regarding the magic of the place they have come to visit and to provoke them to reflect and perhaps do something more based on what they have learned. Such personal services offer important tools for fulfilling that responsibility and give real life to the place.” (Beck et al, 2018). 

A huge part of teaching is keeping the audience's attention, while providing them with accurate and honest information, which is our responsibility. Personally, I think I learn subjects best when I spend time teaching other people, and I enjoy teaching in general. I find it extremely rewarding to teach people new things and exercise my brain on a regular basis by answering questions, so I think I would fit into that aspect of being a nature interpreter. Opposed to simply being a practical stoic, I do also have that funny/charismatic side of me that would help with the job. In high school, I volunteered for the Children's Water Festival in London, which required a lot of charisma as well as knowledge. The Children's Water Festival was a huge event that every elementary school in the city would attend to learn about the importance of water conservation. We would teach them ways that they could conserve water at home, as well as how important it is to be aware of our ecological footprints. However,  charisma and energy were absolutely necessary in the activities we used to demonstrate the concepts to them. I ran a station that involved having two showers set-up on stages, one with a low-flow shower head that is designed to conserve water, and one with a regular shower head. The kids would gather around, while two volunteers got in the showers with rain jackets on and took a “shower” in front of everyone. The water used would filter into buckets and under the showers and we would measure how much was used, while explaining the importance of water conservation. Then, we’d dump those buckets on the rest of the kids. They would always be laughing and screaming because they loved getting wet, but they were also learning important lessons in the meantime. Every year, that station would be the most popular, because it incorporates excitement from the presenters and the audience, as well as education. 

(PERSONAL PHOTO// Me, when I was a canoe instructor. June 1st, 2017). 

No matter what philosophies you follow, the qualities of kindness, honesty, patience, and fortitude are welcome in interpreting nature. After taking this course, I still want to pursue becoming a forest ranger in the future, using my knowledge of conservation to protect the environment. In addition, I learned the importance of taking time out of my busy schedule to get outside and appreciate nature’s beauty more often. As a follow-up for this post, have you ever heard of stoicism before? What do you think of its principles? Would you consider yourself one as well, or are there some issues you see with this way of thinking? 

Thank you again for coming on this journey with me!

- Meghan ✿

Literature cited: 

Beck, L., Cable, T., & Knudson, D. (2018). Interpreting cultural and natural heritage for a better world. Sagamore-Venture Publishing.

Biographical Profile of Greek Philosopher Aristotle. (2017, March 16). Learn Religions. https://www.learnreligions.com/aristotle-biography-250520

Chow, D. (2018, December 22). This undersea robot just delivered 100,000 baby corals to the Great Barrier Reef. NBC News. https://www.nbcnews.com/mach/science/undersea-robot-just-delivered-100-000-baby-corals-great-barrier-ncna950821

 Stoicism. (2018, April 10). Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy. https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/stoicism/

Wikipedia contributors. (2021b, March 25). Stoicism. Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism

[themangaguide]

These were uncomplicated

The setting of manga online is extremely non-traditional, particularly taking into consideration the personalities. Hesitantly taking in her to avoid additional problems, the daily lives of both exist. Utilizing her powers does not ease the scenario in all the reality that she goes berserk.

What makes this manga online uproarious are the scenarios these are essentially normal life of celebrations, normally readily relatable to the readers. Included in these are elements like housekeeping, visiting relatives, the store as well as the sort. It not all funny in the manga: there are is likewise some play on the narratives of the characters that are various, including recognizing their own styles are or becoming displaced. Together with integrating some humour in it, which was astonishingly well done, all these are perfectly interacted.

Something else which must be contemplated is the fantasy element to the manga: visitor are presented with the abnormal powers, along with the launch of distinctive characters from the world from where Hina originates from as narrative advancements. Although such personalities are fascinating, these remain a little unexplored after its launch, returning to these the author seemed like. This created small incongruities through the story, lacking coherence between these events; nevertheless, these troubles were a tiny disadvantage. The fact the powers stayed undiscovered together with the earth from where the principal protagonist originated from was doing not have. Some events ended up being rather silly too, this kind of teenager having the capability to do whatever possible.

Characters in manga online

In enhancement to gradually introducing distinctive ones, all with a variety of styles than can not really be connected to stereotypes, the cast isn't substantial, nevertheless adequately big to enrich the proficiency. The most intriguing character was Nitta, whose design a tasks were most definitely appealing, in particular seeing the challenges related to taking excellent treatment of Hina along with amusing. Fleshing and also character growth out of all these are relatively dull having several of these nevertheless, this really did not work against the manga.

Various other personality of interest is Anzu, who ought to care for her position, the author taking care of to describe the hardships of being displaced as well as comes to be displaced, both via the character as well as additionally the supporting ones. For almost all the communications all these are well done, albeit overemphasized in a couple of instances, yet hugely entertaining. The numerous designs of these certainly boosted the comedy in the clover tetsuhiro hirakawa as well.

Regarding the artwork

Although these were uncomplicated and also generic in lots of situations the artwork style of manga online is befiiting of the narrative, though common as a whole, fitting backgrounds along with character designs. There were likewise some incongruities uncovered such as distortioned. These were uproarious without distorting the personalities faces whatsoever, and masterfully expressed via ideal shading techniques.

Overall

manga online was a humorous manga that I completely valued in the comedy facet; the remarkable side of the manga was rather uninspired never ever actually a big problem, as it was able to maintain me amused throughout its duration. There were some downsides story smart, as it did not in fact fit with it, particularly when it got a bit to silly for my preference; the comedic slice of life were most definitely the most entertaining ones. To folks that like reviewing a humor established manga as well as that typically check out manga cost-free it's astonishingly suggested, yet for all those who's in search of a storyline that is great as well as characters that are profound could intend to bypass this one. Get further info by browsing this link: https://bestlightnovels.site123.me/blog/the-main-char-looks-back

[averagemedgirl]

Entertainment - 10 Positive Moral & Social Impacts of Some Clean Entertainment

Individuals, families, and our society must pay additional hours for a family group engaging in healthful activities as opposed to engaging in and seeing the inappropriate entertainment we're daily bombarded with. How can anybody argue against or dispute that our TV programs, movies, video games, video games, and also any other sort of entertainment are full of immorality, violence, filthy language, graphic images, and porn. Moreover, an inordinate quantity of playing with video gaming, watching TV, going to the pictures, playing our own iPods, or even wasting time on the world wide web is surely not helping improve communication and social skills (and of course cognitive skills).

Similarly, how can anybody not trust that spending some time for a family group - yes, even in case it's only playing matches - has incredible favourable effects that the vast majority of the entertainment of this entire planet doesn't provide? Because this really holds accurate it will give a whole lot more significance into the moral and societal effects that playing games like a household group - or engaging in just about any fresh and healthy entertainment - could have perhaps not merely to all of people as a family group, but because of the whole society.

Below are recorded 10 moral and societal consequences that playing games could have. As you'll find, in addition, there are incredible intellectual, psychological, psychological, physiological, and spiritual benefits as well (and of course the greater communication abilities that result). The Truth Is That these Exact principles apply to each of wholesome and clean entertainment; however because of the intents and purposes, We'll concentrate on playing matches really does possess amazingly favorable ethical and societal consequences:

Moral Impacts:

1 ) )The unfavorable moral effect of our society networking and entertainment:While I observe there are undoubtedly positive things which result from social entertainment and media of the own society, I am likewise not oblivious to how the huge majority is tremendously sensual, violent, materialistic, indulgent, and amusing in character. The impacts with the everyday bombardment are evident every where, according to the ever-increasing Illness, idleness, obesity, lustfulness, selfishness, and laziness that interrupts our society and reduces our possibility. Again, that isn't too much about playing matches or even engaging in fresh NaijaVibe as much since it really is all about making certain families, individuals, and our own society develop the features and personality necessary for individual happiness, family victory, and social progress.

Two )Marriages and families are ripped apart: I like it weren't authentic, however unfortunately for all - gender, immorality, and immodesty sells. As several greedy individuals and organizations earn a profit using the particular material, the sad and realistic effect is that - notions are corrupt, responsibilities and responsibilities are lost, temporary and indecent satisfaction becoming more important compared to self-control, sins and offenses are committed, dependence are manufactured, families are ripped apart, unions end, and our society's very socioeconomic values have sprung. Keeping thoughts tidy, switching away from temptation, or totally avoiding porn is growing more and harder considering that - the great majority of pictures, TV shows, magazines, songs, adverts, and blogs tend to be all immoral, immodest, sensual, and amusing in character. We're daily bombarded... and ergo daily fighting a struggle. It's a struggle to maintain our thoughts, habits, actions, and personality pure and clean and chaste. Again - that really is not all about playing games - this really is approximately keeping responsibilities, being loyal to the spouse and kids, and ensuring our unions and families aren't torn apart.

3)Winning and Losing - and also the need to cope appropriately together: Let's face it, all us may undergo substantially failure and success all through lifespan. It's 1 thing to drop a gaming in isolation, it's fairly another to be conquered within a match with family or peers watching. But knowing how to become a fun winner, in addition to a fantastic game and not just a sore loser will interpret appropriately in to one different successes and inevitable failures of the life.

4)To understand to check out rules, perhaps maybe not cheat, try to find goals, and also treat challenges: If some body cannot stick to the rules of a match, do they follow the rules of life? Perhaps that's just really a stretch, however, it's very crucial to take into account no matter. If a person could learn the major lesson of never cheating at a match, would that translate in their studies, work habits, and connections? Many matches also provide'missions' or objectives, and frequently a new person has to execute a plan or produce an action program or aims to perform this'mission.' Perhaps not really a bad thing to master, in my own opinion! And every match has its own challenges, setbacks, uncontrollable turns and twists - learning just how not to merely correct, but also cope with them appropriately is an attribute which can be interpreted in to different fields of life!

5)Avoid the results which bring about egotistical, primitive, and relaxing amusement: Perhaps the best issue with the great most entertainment of the society may be the simple fact it is therefore utterly self-gratifying in character. How frequently tend to be organizations started, videos created, and shows conducted to just fill time, amass dollars, and meet selfish desires and lusts. Temporary pride, instant gratification, and lost ethics and responsibilities regrettably replaces the actual happiness, confidence, health, savings, conscience, and enjoyment which good, fun, and fresh entertainment may offer. Usually the sole outcome of such relaxing and greedy entertainment is pity, guilt, humiliation, time wasted, and money lost, responsibilities prevented, duties ignored, and much potential legal consequences that appear to necessarily be an organization to such kinds of entertainment.

Social Impacts:

6)To have a great time and take part in fun, societal, and healthy entertainment: Perhaps above all, winning contests is only fun! It's diversion, entertainment, and joy - in a positive, respectful, socializing, and learning atmosphere. Not only does you develop selfesteem, develop a talent or skill, become happy with an achievement, or just just develop the power to socialize and work together - they have pleasure! There's something to be thought into this very straightforward and positive emotional benefits which will inevitably lead in kids, adults, teens, groups, and families spend more hours playing games along with less time in the front of the electronic mail that relatively can't create the exact identical positive advantages!

7)Developing the power to communicate and socialize together: How regrettable it is an increasingly wide range of our childhood now cannot speak to a grownup, watch them in the attention, or possibly show some respect for them. Can this because of the reality that a number of our childhood are spending their waking time in front of a laptop system, or even playing videogames, etc.. I will be certain that there's some significance. Turning from the TV and playing and computer games (not videogames ) allows and sometimes compels somebody to connect to, talk to, and also participate along with other folks. It's true, you're merely playing a simple game - but an important skill and also feature will be being developed at the approach.

8)The power to work together in a group environment: In respect with all the aforementioned mentioned point, playing matches allows (forces) someone to work together socialize together and play a team. Again - it really is nothing but a ridiculous match - however welcome to the authentic life of this absolute prerequisite of working and addressing other individuals. From class college endeavors, to involvement in community sports, towards the ultimate work force - understanding how to deal and work with the others, and being a portion of a'team' can be definitely an essential skill to produce for the temptations of life!

9)The absolute value of teaching, with, and extending our heads : In my own opinionit will take almost no (if any) attempt at all to see a movie, browse the internet or play with a gaming. What makes high school, faculty, which ultimate first occupation therefore very hard... as a kid hasn't developed the capability to make use of their mind at an innovative, compassionate manner. Winning contests isn't just enjoyable, but it takes us to become more creative, think fast on our toes, pullout facts and information people learned, cope with an obstacle, etc.,. Games induce our heads to be busy, perhaps maybe not idle! Games require interpersonal interaction, perhaps maybe not introverted self-removal. Games utilize and call for some of the brain which enriches other elements of life.

10)Learn from the others : One of the very favorite activities to do if playing games is in order to watch different players. Just how can they think, just how do they behave, just how do they handle success or defeat, just how do they connect to the others, etc.. The minute one steps off from the TV and computer (and its own unending negative effects ) and starts to connect to and watch the others, they are going to find they are sometimes influenced favorably (and sometimes possibly learn from bad cases ) by detecting and implementing the activities and attributes others.

In summary, it's necessary to be aware there are undoubtedly many kinds of entertainment which can be clean, wholesome, and upliftingnonetheless, it's plainly evident that the great majority of pictures, TV shows, adverts, advertisements, blogs, and much music epitomize the negative effects of the society's most entertainment this article discusses. As a result with the everyday bombardment, it's insufficient to just play games and take part in wholesome and clean entertainment since the immoral entertainment generally appears to always bombard us whether we seek it out or never. We all has to make a fix to show the TV off longer, switch off the internet more, put the magazine down longer, etc., and make sure the negative impacts of our society entertainment and media really would not destroy who and exactly what is most essential in life - and - loved ones!