#and hopefully equally as if not more beneficial for the kid

[ajcgames]

Rogues Gallery

Hey, you! It's been a while! What have I been up to, eh?

In short, a lot of time in Blender. There has been a pretty hefty list of things-to-model for the game. Most complex of these have been the machines you can place down in your factory.

But words are easy and talk is cheap, so let's dive right in with an absolute bumper update. Grab some snacks!

A veritable smörgåsbord of tinkertoys!

Let's run through them quickly, shall we?

Running down the left-hand side of the screen shot are the various mergers and splitter variants.

I didn't get too far into developing the game before I realised that having a splitter or merger force the user into one orientation (either left or right) was a terrible idea, and I made sure that both devices have a left and right variant. That should make belt organisation much easier!

Now let's get into the actual machines.

Extractor

The extractor is where it all starts. Feeding raw minerals in from the surface of the asteroid through the input ports. Send them somewhere!

Pulverizer

Mashes up your ores until they're unrecognisable. An essential first step for most ores before they can be processed further.

Analyzer

Science is the currency of the cosmos. Items can be funnelled into this machine to be analyzed, and science data accumulated. Your data can be processed into actual science points, but you'll only get data as good as the quality of the items you're throwing in here!

Collector

A large number-crunching supercomputer with the world's largest heatsink designed for one purpose - processing all that science data!

Recycler

Everyone accumulates a bunch of junk from time to time. Stop your belts from backing up and dump your excess into a recycler. Your waste will be shot into the sun at the earliest convenience!

Packager

Valuable items need to be shipped back to Earth, but you can't just throw a bunch of rocks into a rocket. Get them packaged up neatly in the packager before you send them off for export!

Exporter

The exporter provides you with the means to ship your deliveries back to Earth. Fill the pod with your items and it'll get launched via an electromagnetic delivery system. Hopefully someone will catch it at the other end!

Atomic Coupler

Bombards items with high-energy radiation, known to provoke strange changes in their material properties. With any luck, they'll be much less irradiated by the time they get back home.

Catalyzer

Provides special environmental conditions to change items into different forms. Not the fastest machine, don't let everything get backed up!

Centrifuge

Somebody once decided to spin things really fast in the name of science. The centrifuge gives you the opportunity to do the same for your factory! Toss some items in, spin 'em fast, watch what comes out.

Chemical Lab

Sometimes you just can't get the right items without a little bit of help from other parts of the periodic table. Subject items to a dip in the chemical tank to get some interesting new flavours out of the other side. Do not drink.

Enrichment Chamber

It looks like a rejected theme-park ride, and the safety of its contents are equally of dubious origin. However, the beneficial item-altering effects of this tumbling enigma cannot be argued.

Fusion Lab

Supercolliding superconductors were once all the rage. Until somebody minutarised one and now everybody has one. You're not cool unless you have one. At least that's what all the trendy kids are telling me. What is undeniable, however, is that items tend to come out of this machine more potent than ever.

Hydrator

Thanks to the large chunk of ice at the core of the asteroid, you're able to feed in water to your factory. Lay down some pipes and connect up this machine to use the power of good old H20 to help change and alter your items for new purposes. This machine is not a shower.

Kiln

Make things hot. Really hot. Then discover if you've reduced it to little more than a pile of ash, or something surprising and delightful.

It's probably going to be ash, though.

Small generator

Machine don't run on wishes and enthusiasm. They need good old-fashioned electricity. Yes, it's still cool - even in 2024. These machines will provide factory-wide power. Power lines are so 1884.

Large generator

Thankfully your factory is remotely managed, so nobody will have the urge to 'lick the battery', as it were. Especially given that this will provide a substantial power boost over the smaller generators. Give yourself some juice!

So there you go - a good look over what I've been up to recently! I am working on a number of UI improvements and updates, so hopefully I'll be able to share those soon.

I'm now fully in the phase of turning this into a final game. There's a lot of road still yet to go, but completing final models and such is a great way to 'see' progress happening, and helps build the enthusiasm to keep chugging away with the more menial tasks.

Anyways, that's all I have for today. As always, thank you so much if you stopped by to read my rambling development missive, and doubly so for any likes or comments you throw my way. It's really lovely to be able to share all of this with everyone.

Hopefully I'll see you all in the next one, and until then I hope you have a great one! ❤️

[pisati]

I suppose it's a product of the society we live in, but I feel messed up in some ways for not wanting my own children. Not liking babies, not even really thinking they're cute. Being terrified of pregnancy. I almost wish I could be 'normal' about it, in the same way I sometimes wish I could be 'normal' about sexual attraction and drive. It would make things so much less complicated, feels like. I looked it up. Just a few scattered articles about women who don't want children (some of which say "it's perfectly normal!"). A lot of the justifications some of these women give are... honestly really pretentious. Some of these people just think babies are plain gross. And they can be; they're little poop machines, they puke, they blow mucus everywhere... but I saw one article that was like "they're gross and inconsiderate and selfish" like... fucking duh? They're infants. They don't know how to control their bodily functions quite yet and they don't know how else to communicate their needs. "You're a baby. You have nothing to do. If you're tired, just sleep instead of crying about it" like how fucking stupid are y'all? Have you ever tried falling asleep when you're tired but your brain just won't let you? Did it occur to you that infants have to learn things as basic as the concept of object permanence, and maybe they cry when they're tired because they just don't know what else to do about it? Being tired fucking sucks. Even at 25 I sometimes get so tired I want to cry. Fuck off. And "inconsiderate"?? As if babies have even the slightest concept of "considerate"? They are wired to survive. To need their parents to provide for them. That is what they know how to do. "Considerate" is learned. God. Those things are not an issue I really have with babies. I get kind of secondhand embarrassed when babies do stupid things, but I understand they're learning. I get super grossed out by the idea of diaper blowouts and spit-up and faces covered in snot and every food they try to ingest, but... I know if that were my child it'd be a little easier to deal with. I'm fine with my pets' bodily functions, I don't see why, if I loved something enough, it should really be a problem. Some people don't get that. But they say they love their pets in a way they don’t care for children; makes me wonder how they actually treat them. Some people think babies are life-ruiners, but of course they're going to be if they're not wanted, you absolute fucking morons. They are work. Some women love being a mom but hate motherhood, and that's understandable. Some people don't want to give up their careers, because honestly, raising children is a full-time job in itself. Babies maybe won't ruin your life's work, but they certainly can derail it and be a weight you have to carry around for a lifetime. Not everyone is ready to commit to that. But that's not an issue I seem to have with them either. If I wanted them, they'd be worked into my future plans. It wouldn't be ruining my life if that was the way I wanted my life to go, you know? The people that think it's the worst thing that could happen to their career... shouldn't have them, lmao. Those kids are going to grow up knowing they're resented. Knowing that you had things you wanted to do with your life, until they came along. They're going to feel like a burden on you, and you’ll probably take out your regret on them at some point. Your feeling like you "need" to have a child because of societal expectations doesn't trump the wellbeing of the child you're bringing into this world. There's the tantrums. The crying, the screaming, the not listening to reason. That's one thing I can actually agree with. I can't deal with babies crying. Some say that the cry of a baby draws people in; it makes mothers want to go to them and comfort them. I have the opposite reaction. I hear a baby crying, I want to get far away from it. I don't think I'd be very good at perceiving a baby's needs. They wouldn't stop crying, I'd get impatient and frustrated. You can't reason with a crying infant, you have to find the off switch by guessing at which needs aren't being met. I wouldn't be able to deal with tantrums or an indignant child, but I feel like any child of mine would know better than to give me the business. Who knows, though? Who knows what I'd end up with? I was a good kid. Afraid of consequences, sensitive, obedient, for the most part, if not a little stubborn (ok, very stubborn). What if my kid was the exact opposite? What if no matter how much love I gave them, no matter how attentive I tried to be towards their needs, no matter how many lessons I tried to teach them, they ended up a little brat? A gigantic asshole? God forbid, a white supremacist or some other horrible thing? Sometimes people really do their best and still it doesn't matter.

I just. I don’t have those instincts towards babies. I really don’t. I wish I did, sometimes. But that’s just not how I was wired. They scare me too, possibly because of unfamiliarity, but more because I don’t have the energy or the money to be as good of a parent as I’d want to be for an infant.  I do think I have maternal instincts though. I know I try to take good care of my rats and I love caring for them. Spoiling them, making sure they have what they need, making sure they're happy and healthy. I can't see myself ever not having pets. But by that same token... just thinking about it. I've been saying for a while now that I think my maternal instincts are misdirected towards animals instead of humans (ha ha), but I don't think that's actually true. My heart breaks for older children in the foster system-- older children being kids that aren't babies. Any child in the foster system, of course, but I’m more drawn personally to the older ones. Kids that have known abusive parents or never even knew who their parents were, kids that grew up in foster care, bouncing from place to place, knowing they don't really have a family. Children have a lot of needs growing up, and emotional needs are a big one that people sometimes overlook. Kids can get hurt, bad. They feel a lot of things, and deeply. I remember being a kid myself, and I was always one to feel things extraordinarily strongly. I remember dad got me two Polly Pocket sets for.. maybe my birthday one year. And I'd thrown out the little plastic insert that one of them was packaged with-- you know, just opening a box, discarding the packaging. And I realized later that the insert would've been perfect for keeping the little rubber doll pieces organized, and the regret over having thrown it out hurt so bad I cried. Like... kids are growing and they're complicated and I can't even imagine having that made harder by parents or lack thereof. Knowing that kids are growing up in those conditions makes me want to take them in. Like my friend’s family, who’s taken in a whole bunch of foster kids and adopted them all. I'd want to bring a child home, and let them know that this is their home and would always be their home. Give them some stability on a fundamental level. Show them love they may not have received yet. Do their hair, have little makeover days, movie nights, game nights, craft nights. Surprise them with things they like, watch their face light up knowing they're listened to and cared about. Listen to them talk about their interests, try to guide them towards things that make them happy; spark that interest and let them explore and grow; not try to mold them any way I think they should be. Help them with homework, work through problems together, because lord knows I'd probably struggle with some of them too. Hope they'd trust me enough to come to me with emotional issues-- not like how I could never talk to my mom about boys. Try to help them heal from whatever trauma they may have experienced. I don't know how I'd handle behavioral issues, if that were to happen, but I know the best course of action is educating myself and trying to be understanding. I do think I'd be a good mother. Just not to an infant, lmao When I was still in school, I'd let my rats run around my apartment during playtime. I'd leave my plastic shopping bags on the floor in the kitchen once I'd put groceries away, because I knew Jay liked to hoard them under my couch. And sometimes I'd take my phone flashlight and look around under there at the mess he made. I wouldn't touch it (until cleaning day came, usually, or unless there was a receipt I realized I needed). I'd just look at the organized chaos his little rat brain told him to create. I was witnessing the physical manifestation of his personality-- something he created himself. He put those bags right where he wanted them, and I could hear him rustling around down there sometimes, arranging them how he liked. He would grab mouthfuls of food and stash them in piles under the couch too, in specific places. I think I'd be the type of person to do the same for a child. I couldn't ever tell them what to do or how to be, necessarily. I'm sure I'd just marvel at anything they created; anything their mind produced. I'd want to know them for them, and love them just the same, even if they were nothing like me. Hell, I'd probably be happy if they were nothing like me (in some regards). Reminds me of that scene from Ladybird. I just. I wish that you liked me. Of course I love you. But do you like me? I want you to be the very best version of yourself that you can be. But what if this is the best version? Parks & Rec: I love you and I like you. One day I'll be able to say that. I hope.

[shoot-the-oneshot]

Harvard Vs Netflix

Malcolm bright x reader

You were fussing over your hair for probably the tenth time this block, usually you didn’t care but you were going on a double date with your friend and her new fiance, plus it was the first time she’ll meet Malcolm, so you had to look your best.

“Love, you look fine, calm down.”

Malcolm says, gently pulling your hand away from your hair and onto his lap. It also didn’t help that he always wore a suit, and looked damn good in them. You never saw him an anything else until you moved in with him. Shooting the ex FBI agent an exasperated look.

“Surely you know that wasn’t the best thing to say right now, being a profiler and all?”

Chuckling he lifts your hand to place many soft kisses to the back in apology.

“You’re right, I should’ve told you how beautiful you always look, now being no exception.”

“Plus aren’t you excited?”

Smiling you slide closer, tucking yourself under his arm resting your head on his chest as you sigh. You were excited, but couldn’t get past this weird feeling in your chest.

“I am, it’s just...her fiancé Ty,”

Feeling him move to get a better look at your expression, trying to figure out what you meant so you didn’t have to say it if you didn’t want to. You know if he saw something he didn’t like on your face as you spoke of the other man he would tell the driver to turn around, he always wanted you to be comfortable even around his family, he never seemed to calm down until you both were alone.

“There’s something off, and I can’t ask her about it or she will think it’s payback for what she said about you when we started dating.”

“What did she say about me!”

Luckily before you had to answer the car stopped outside the restaurant.

Some restaurant in Manhattan that had a dark lit romantic theme but was still classy.

After Malcolm held the door open for you, you saw Natalie sitting alone and rushed to hug her.

“You’re here!”

She squeals when she sees you, Malcolm trailing behind, hands stuffed in his expensive suit pants pockets.

“Of course we are, but where’s Ty?”

You asked sitting in the seat Malcolm pulled out for you after you introduced them both.

Reading the sheepish look on her face you could figure out what was up.

“He’s running late, he will be here soon.”

That’s what she always said. You all spend the next thirty minutes catching up and explaining old stories of the trouble you both got into as kids to Malcolm, when Ty walks in. Giving you a quick awkward hug, he knew you didn’t like him you made it clear after the fifth time he stood her up. He shook Malcolms hand and gave Natalie a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Sorry I’m late got caught up at work.”

Malcolm smirked at your eye roll, it was odd for him to see you like this, normally you were the nicest person clearly you didn’t like Ty, he just had to find out why, should be easy enough.

“What do you do?”

It was a simple question, if Malcolm wasn’t the one to ask but you knew he’d be looking for anything Ty would give up. You already had suspicions hopefully He will come to the same conclusion.

“Uh, real-estate, you?”

“I’m a consultant for the NYPD, a profiler to be exact.”

“He used to be FBI isn’t that cool!”

Natalie said squeezing Tys shoulder as she bragged to her fiancé about your boyfriends past career. At least he looked flustered knowing that Malcolm figures out serial killers thoughts for fun.

“Isn’t it a little late for real estate?”

“Y/n!”

“No Nat, it’s okay. Well Y/n in real estate I have to stage houses in order to sell them. That’s what I was doing.”

Giving an innocent shrug as she yells at you. That smug punk, he was testing you, seeing how far you would go you knew that but if you were going down so was he.

“Oh yeah did you use perfume to stage the house? because you smell absolutely floral.”

Before you could laugh at he wide eyes and the fact he choked on his drink, your boyfriends phone rang. He could feel your glare, one because you asked him to mute it during dinners, two because it ruined the moment you finally had of Ty for once not having some degrading come back.

Quietly speaking over the phone, judging by the annoyance all over his face it was his mother. Rather then third wheeling you followed him outside, when he was just hanging up.

“I’m sorry love,-“

You cut him off before he could finish, any other time you would be irritated but this time, it gave you an escape.

“Yeah yeah it’s fine. What did you think of Ty?”

“You don’t like it when I profile your friends.”

Raising his eyebrows, looking over your face as if it was a trick.

“Ty is not my friend! And I said I don’t like when you profile me! I know the guy is cheating do you agree?”

“He was acting odd and gave clear signals of deception and did smell very floral yes.”

“Well he wasn’t wearing his ring and there’s a pink lipstick mark behind his ear, did you see how nervous he got when he found out what you did!”

He’s only her fiancé but she wanted them both to have engagement rings. And of course he probably lost his ‘staging a house’

“How’d you catch that? I didn’t even see that!”

Malcolm asked, sounding astounded. Sure he went to some fancy school but you learned naturally, which is something he forgets. You could read people almost as well as he could and have made many jokes about it.

“Yeah, guess Netflix taught more than Harvard babe.”

You winked, leading him back to the restaurant.

The following week you were both having a game night with Ainsley and Mitch the new guy she was seeing. You started with monopoly, then charades which you and Malcolm killed at. Now it was 21, the boys either folded or busted, it was down to you and Ainsley,

“I’m all in.”

She says, her lip twitching. An untrained eye wouldn’t have caught it, but you call her bluff and go all in too. And you were right to do so. Yelling in excitement as you flip your cards.

“Dang it, it’s like playing with Malcolm!”

She shouted, a smile on both of your faces. The boys came to see who won, although Malcolm already knew. You were the only person he couldn’t beat at cards.

“She’s not exactly like me, she reads expressions and body language I read behaviors.”

Malcolm over explained. You found it cute but the other couple looked lost.

“Why don’t we make this fun? We all go against Y/n, two truths and a lie see if she can find the lies.”

Mitch suggest, leaning comfortably on the couch next to Ainsley. Malcolm sitting straight up next to you his hand resting on your hip. Looking mildly intrigued and quickly agreed. Mitch practically lunges to the ottoman in front of you.

“Okay! So..when I was sixteen I stole a car,

I secretly dated my best friends sister,

And I had a dog named Shakespeare.”

He quickly rattled off, the other two in the room watching us like hawks. I already knew about the car from when Malcolm made Gil run a background check. the second one looked like a truth but there was a hint of head tilt when he said ‘dated’

“You didn’t date her, you just slept together.”

It was crickets waiting for his response, he stares frozen until his eyes widen and jaw drops.

“Holy crap she’s good!”

“She was right?”

“Shakespeare, really?”

You and Malcolm shouted simultaneously.

He was equally surprised and impressed. He couldn’t figure out which was the lie. And yet you did and then some. He was proud but couldn’t stand you were that good at something you learned from a Netflix series.

“Move over, my turn!”

Ainsley now sat in Mitchs place. You noticed her foot tapping as she thought of what to say.

“I took ballet classes when I was 8, I wore a dress worth over a thousand dollars to prom and spilled punch all over it........and I over heard mom and dad talking about the girl in the box.”

Malcolms hand tightened on your thigh, you could feel his breath catch in his chest. She was trying to throw you off by playing with his emotions, it would’ve worked if she wasn’t so predictable. But it was a low blow that sadly didn’t surprise you.

“You didn’t spill the punch and you don’t know anything about the box.”

He relaxed once she nodded her head, And apologized to her brother. You could see the interest in her eyes as she asked question after question. One of them being what was beneficial with my little ‘gift’.

“Well I always know who’s lying before they open their mouth, plus knowing the signs of deception means you can manipulate them, which is why I can lie to your brother.”

Winking to your boyfriend during your last sentence. It was true you were amazing at lying, you never used it but no one ever knew about surprises you were planing.

“I’ll admit I’m impressed, but you definitely couldn’t lie to me I’d know.”

“Oh yeah? Looks like it my turn this time.”

Now facing Malcolm, you tucking you knee underneath you to appear more relaxed, you’d be more believable that way. He nodded for you to start. You grew up hearing the quote, don’t start a fight but once you’re in one win it. So if you had to pull a play from Ainsleys play book you would. You just won’t use something that traumatic. Keeping your shoulders loose and your breathing even.

“I used to own a classic car, I’ve never felt about anyone the way I do you, I cheated on you when you were in this hospital with the snake bite.”

Since you were telling the truth your expressions matched with the lie. But you knew Malcolm would be looking for forced reactions. Since you know what to look for in other people you could fake those same triggers, or hide them. He appeared calm as you spoke but the longer you stayed silent the more tense he got. While you were telling the lie you added extra detail, giving him more to analyze over the vague truths. Plus no one wants to believe someone they loved cheated on them.

“I don’t know.”

Malcolm sighed heavily, not only in defeat but confusion. He hated to think you did that to him, but he always thought that you deserved better, maybe you did too. Not being able to stand the pain in his eyes you explained.

“The car I had was a mustang, you’re the only man I’ve ever said I love you to, You mean to much to me I’d never cheat on you.”

Sliding closer with every sentence until you were practically in his lap as you finished. You could feel the stress leave his body, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist and kissing your head.

Later that night you were curled up together in bed, his fingers lightly trailing up and down your arm staring at the ceiling.

“That was a stupid game.”

Softly laughing at his words, playing with the neckline of his grey shirt he sleeps in as you agreed.

“It was, but at least I got to show you my mad skills, I could take your job one day.”

You joke, successfully making him laugh and loosen up.

“It you, I’m always amazed by you. Showing off or not.

[phoenix-manga]

The Serpent and the Octopus [pt. 1]

The palace guards were swimming frantically as their commanding officer barked orders at them. The rest of the merfolk was swimming about carrying tablecloths and vases containing an exquisite display of ocean blossoms. But why was everyone in such a frantic rush? Well, it's because the Serpent King was visiting the Coral Sea. And they wanted to make sure that they were in his good graces.

For you see, the Serpent King has a reputation among the other kingdoms. Known to create powerful whirlpools and even summon storms with his roar. A fearsome power that belongs to someone who is equally intimidating in appearance, the merfolk certainly wouldn’t want to do anything that would offend or insult his majesty.

But despite what the other merfolk thought about the Serpent King, he isn’t the scary lord of the sea they imagine him to be… at least not entirely. He’s a benevolent ruler of his kingdom and will only use his powers if necessary.

He just happens to have the unfortunate luck of having a loud thundering voice, as well as appearing intimidating. It didn’t help that his true form was very large and all other merfolk looked like krill next to his hulking size.

He swims along the sea floor on his way to the Coral Sea along with his precious daughter, Cerule. Usually she doesn’t get to go with her father to these meetings but with the insistent persuasion of her dear mother, saying that it would be beneficial to teach her how to interact with other merfolk when she succeeds the throne.

The Serpent King uses one of his fins to nudge his daughter closer to him as he talks to her 

Serpent King: Now remember, always stay close to papa and he’ll scare away anyone who dares to harm you. Your papa has quite the reputation as the mighty serpent, you know!

He pulls his daughter close to his side as they swim along the ocean floor. The corals and seaweed thrashing wildly from his large fins.

Cerule: Yeah, mighty scary…

Cerule rolls her eyes at her father who looked proud of himself.

Cerule mumbled, remembering the time that she brought her soon-to-be-friends to her home only to have them swim away when her dad tried to ‘smile’ at them. Hopefully this time she would be able to sneak away for a while when he’s not looking so that she could at least explore a portion of the Coral Sea.

They arrived at the magic mirror that was showing a reflection of the Coral Sea through the glass. They went through the glass along with their soldiers accompanying them, the Serpent King’s massive leviathan form was then changed into that of a merman once they reached the other side.

They continued on their way to their destination until they arrived at the building where they were supposed to hold their meeting in. Upon entering, they were greeted with a rather snobbish merman who was yelling at two other mermen who looked like they did something wrong. 

Servant: That’s the wrong color for the tablecloth! And I told you to get me ocean blossoms not sea kelp! The Serpent King could be here any minute and if he sees this mess then I’ll be-

Serpent Guard: Ahem!

One of the Serpent King’s guards coughed to catch his attention, the snobby merman turned around and was about to yell at whoever had interrupted him but he bit his tongue when he saw the Serpent King and his bodyguards. He quickly shooed the two mermen away and put on a polite façade.

Servant: Your excellency, it is an honor! I do apologize for the indecent display

Cerule could tell he was trying to cover up the fact that he was yelling at his employees, it looked awkward and the silence that followed wasn’t helping. The Serpent King just looked at him and nodded.

Serpent King: No need for apologies, we are delighted to be invited to discuss politics with your leader so I understand the rush.

He meant for it to be a signal that he finds no offense but his thundering voice made it seem like he was irritated. The snobby merman flinched at the tone and quickly distanced himself from the royal. The king nudged Cerule to do curtsey and she gracefully did a bow.

Serpent King: My daughter is accompanying me today to sightsee for a bit while I’m in a meeting, we would like someone to show her around. This is Cerule, my pride and joy.

The merman was surprised to see that the Serpent King even brought his daughter along, not much was known about his personal life outside of his kingdom. You can imagine the surprise when he introduces her, nevertheless, the merman shakes his off his dazed expression and straightens his back.

Servant: Oh! She is quite the gem… Anyway, let me show you where you where the meeting room is!

They were led to a large hall with the King of the Coral Sea already sitting on one of the chairs. The two monarchs greet each other formally and he notices Cerule behind her father. 

Coral Sea King: My word, is this your daughter? She is quite the beauty, I heard from my advisor that you wish to have her sightsee? Perhaps she would like to meet with the elementary school children, I’m sure they’d like to get to know your daughter!

The monarch said with an amused tone, the king was a bit hesitant but then he spotted his guard making the gesture of how the queen would probably find out that he let her sit around and learn nothing, so he relented and agreed to arrange a schedule for her meet with the school children.

The monarch called for the school principal and delivered the news, within half an hour the principal and a teacher were guided to the room they were in. The two bowed respectfully before the royals when they arrived.

Principal: Your excellency, we are here to chaperon the princess to our humble school! Where is she?

The principal looked around the room until his eyes landed on the small merchild next to the Serpent King, Cerule swam up to him and bowed elegantly.

Cerule: That’s me s-sir! It’s a pleasure to meet you

Teacher: Oh my, she is just radiant! You should definitely meet the students of my class, I’m sure they’ll welcome you warmly!

Both the principal and the teacher were enamored with the princess, admiring the way Cerule’s tail shimmers under the light. 

The king watched as his daughter’s figure disappeared from his sight, he could already feel his overprotectiveness sink in. But he steeled himself and remembered that he shouldn’t go against what his wife told him, not unless he wants to face her wrath when they get home. He went back to discussing politics with the monarch.

Cerule could feel the stares of the other merfolk as she swam next to the principal and the teacher, they were talking to each other about how it is an honor to have another royal visit their school. Cerule tuned them out since she didn’t want to hear them ramble about how great it is that she’s going to visit, she feels like they are more thankful for the fact that she’s royalty and nothing else. 

As they neared the school, she felt a bit anxious because she was going somewhere without her father for a change. Though she may want to get away from him for a bit, having to actually be away from him when she has spent years staying close to him was moving a bit too fast for her liking. But she tries to keep those thoughts in the back of her mind because this could be a great opportunity to make new friends, ones that won’t flee at her father’s ‘smile’. 

She cringes at the memory of the other serpent kids who fled the palace all because her father smiled, her father didn’t like any boys so she tried to bring girls but as her father tried to be friendly, the opposite happened.

As they headed towards the school, Cerule was growing excited yet nervous as she was about to meet with a lot of new faces.

[inscribeddiatribes]

Steve Rogers Fluff Alphabet

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A/N: I decided to change the template that I used for the Paul Lahote alphabet to this one. I hope you enjoy it! This template is by @snk-warriors.

I redid this, so hopefully my tags will actually work this time.

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Activities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Since Steve is so well known, he tries to steer clear of popular places. One of his favorite things to do is take you to hole in the wall restaurants. Steve’s also a big fan of staying home with you and having you show him entertaining stuff on the internet.

Beauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Steve loves how you’re willing to stand up for what you believe in. People often tease him about being “too moral”, so he feels like you’re the only one who understands where he’s coming from.

Comfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Steve himself has had a few breakdowns, and has spoken to a therapist about it, so he often uses what his therapist has said to help you. If that doesn’t work, he’ll stay with you and try to distract you.

Dreams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Steve definitely wants to get married. It’s one of the customs from his time that he’s still holding on to. He’d want to have kids and pets, but his job at Shield and being a superhero doesn’t really leave enough time to raise a family. Eventually, he’ll pass on his title and will be free to go wherever and do whatever you both desire.

Equal - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Steve is more in the middle. At times he feels like he should take control because that’s what men did in the 1940s, but he gets tired of being dominant because he’s constantly in control at Shield. He’s very adaptable, so his role depends on yours.

Fight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Steve’s very forgiving. In his line of work, he’s had way too many close calls to hold a petty grudge. He wants to make every second with you count, so he doesn’t want to waste them fighting. He always tries to diffuse any arguments before they can become too serious.

Gratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Steve is extremely grateful. He knows what it’s like to have people who only want him because he’s famous or for his appearance, so he was very pessimistic about finding the right one for him. However, you completely changed that. You showed Steve genuine kindness and loved him for him. You allowed Steve to experience actual love for the first time in years, and he’s forever grateful for that.

Honesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

The only secrets he hides are about missions and some of his feelings. Steve could get into a lot of trouble by sharing mission details with you, so he tries to keep the missions to himself.

Steve comes from a time where showing certain emotions were considered “unmanly”, so he’s used to keeping his emotions to himself. However, he started opening up more to you after you proved to him that you wouldn’t judge him.

Inspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Yes! Prior to meeting you, Steve basically put on a show for the public by behaving the way that they expected him to. You showed him that it was okay to be whoever he wanted to be, which no one had really done after he woke up.

Jealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Steve does get jealous easily. At times, he still views himself as a skinny, little kid from Brooklyn that no one took a second glance at. Steve would never bring up his jealousy and tends to suffer in silence (until you reassure him).

Kiss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Steve is freakishly good at most things, kissing being one of them.

Your first kiss was very gentle and sweet. Steve had asked for permission to kiss you after your first date, so with your approval he proceeded to kiss you at your front door.

Love Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

He confesses that he loves you when he’s in the hospital. Steve had gotten hurt on a mission and you went to visit him. He knew that he would heal quickly, but the thought that he could have died before he got to confess made him want to immediately tell you. So, he told you that he loved you as you held his hand.

Marriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

He wants to get married, but actually settling down and living a slow-paced life might not be an option for him at first.

Steve proposes at home because he felt like a lot of good memories were created there, and not to mention that it was away from prying eyes.

You both decide on a small wedding. Steve manages to find a not well known chapel for your wedding. Bucky even gets ordained to perform the ceremony!Overall, it’s very quaint, but full of love.

Nicknames - What do they call their s/o?

Doll. It was a popular nickname in Steve’s day that he found to be pretty fitting for you.

On Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Steve may not think he’s being very obvious, but it’s quite clear to others. He looks at you a lot and often gets distracted. Steve expresses his feelings through acts of service. He believes one of the best ways he can show you he cares is by being useful.

PDA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

He lets fans know that he’s taken, but he never mentions you by name. He’s way too protective to want to risk you getting hurt by a crazy fan or villain.

Steve is pretty shy about kissing you in front of others, but he’ll never reject a kiss.

Quirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

His remembers everything! It’s made for some embarrassing moments for you, but it’s ultimately done more good than harm.

Romance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Steve loves going all out for you. He never really had any partners growing up, so he feels lucky that you actually like him. He’s more cliché... roses, chocolate, jewelry, the whole nine yards! He’ll definitely tone it down if you ask him though.

Support - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Definitely! Steve is your biggest fan. He’ll often motivate and encourage you to continue pursuing your goals when you feel like giving up.

Thrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Steve is a huge fan of routine. He doesn’t mind switching things up from time to time, but he usually isn’t the one to initiate any changes. The only exceptions would be birthdays and if he thought you were getting bored.

Understanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Steve knows you very well, but whenever you have a sudden mood change it might take him awhile to pick up on it. However, once he does, he instantly becomes concerned. He’ll do anything to make things better.

Value - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Your relationship is extremely important to him. Steve feels like he doesn’t have many people he can call friends, but he knows that he can always rely on you to be there for him, which is one of the reasons he fell in love with you. So, he’s determined to maintain your relationship.

Wild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

Steve essentially remembers everything you mention to him, which he often uses to his advantage. On your first anniversary, Steve wanted to surprise you by recreating your first date. The food and music were exactly the same. You ended up in near tears from laughing after witnessing Steve’s attempts at serenading you. By the end of the night, he most definitely scored major points in your book.

XOXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

In public, Steve is more reserved, but he’ll gladly hold your hand.

When alone, he definitely loves to kiss and hug you. He often tells you he loves you out of the blue.

Yearning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

If he’s missing you, Steve will usually try to call you. If he’s unable to, he’ll bust out his sketchbook and draw you. That way he’ll at least have a piece of you with him.

Zeal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

If you’re at the beginning of your relationship, then he might not. If you’ve been dating for awhile, then he’ll definitely do whatever it takes to keep the relationship going. He basically went to war for Bucky, so he’d definitely have the same energy with you. I feel sorry for the person who tries to get in the way of your relationship.

—

I don’t own these characters, songs, or lyrics, nor did I create any of them. This work is strictly for fair use/ entertainment purposes. No money has been received from this work.

Check out my masterlist, you might find something you like! Reblogs are welcome!

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[theloreofwhatilove]

Joaquin Phoenix Speeches 2020

BAFTAs:

I feel very honoured and privileged to be here tonight. The BAFTAs have always been very supportive of my career and I'm deeply appreciative. But I have to say that I also feel conflicted because so many of my fellow actors that are deserving don't have that same privilege.  

I think that we send a very clear message to people of colour: that you're not welcome here. I think that's the message that we're sending to people that have contributed so much to our medium and our industry and in ways that we benefit from.

I don't think anybody wants a handout or preferential treatment, although that's what we give ourselves every year. I think that people just want to be acknowledged and appreciated and respected for their work.

This is not a self-righteous condemnation because I'm ashamed to say that I'm part of the problem. I have not done everything in my power to ensure that the sets I work on are inclusive. But I think that it's more than just having sets that are multicultural. I think that we have to really do the hard work to truly understand systemic racism.

I think that it is the obligation of the people that have created and perpetuate and benefit from a system of oppression to be the ones that dismantle it. So that's on us.  

Thank you.

SAG:

When I started acting again and going to auditions and getting the final callback, I think many people know what that’s like. And there would be these two other guys that I’d be up against. And we’d always lost to this one kid. No actor would ever say his name because it was too much, but every casting director would whisper “it’s Leonardo, it’s Leonardo”.

Who is this Leonardo? Leo, you’ve been an inspiration to me for the last 25 years. I thank you very very much.

Christian, you commit to your roles in ways that I can only dream of. You never turn in a bad performance. It’s infuriating. I wish you would. Just one time. Just suck once, that’d be great.

Adam, I’ve been watching you the last few years and you0ve just been turning these beautiful, nuanced, incredible, profound performances. I am just so moved by you. You were just devastating in [The Marriage Story] and you should be here.

Taron, where are you? I am so happy for you, wherever you are. Hey. Hey, man. You are so beautiful in this movie and I am so happy for you. And I can’t wait to see what else you do.

And really, I’m standing here on the shoulders of my favorite actor, Heath Ledger.

Golden Globes:

First, I’d like to thank the Hollywood Foreign Press, um, for recognizing and acknowledging the link between animal agriculture and climate change. It’s a very bold move making tonight plant-based, and it really sends a powerful message.

We all know there's no fucking competition between us...I'm inspired by you, I'm your fucking student.

I know people say this but I really do feel honored to be mentioned with you. Some of you I reached out to personally. Some I’m still a little too intimidated by, even though we share the same agent. Hi, Christian (Bale). Uh, you’re not here.

Contrary to popular belief, I don't like to rock the boat, but the boat needs to be fucking rocked. It’s really nice that so many people have come up and sent their well wishes to Australia - but we gotta do better that that. Hopefully we can be unified and actually make some changes. It’s great to vote but sometimes we need to take that responsibility within ourselves. Make changes and sacrifices in our own lives. We don’t have to take private jets to Palm Springs and back, please. I will try to do better and I hope you will too.

Oscars (The Academy):

I’m full of so much gratitude right now. I do not feel elevated above any of my fellow nominees, or anyone in this room, because we share the same love: The love of film. And this form of expression has given me the most extraordinary life. I don’t know what I’d be without it.

But I think the greatest gift that its given me and many of us in this room is the opportunity to use our voice for the voiceless. I’ve been thinking a lot about some of the distressing issues that we are facing collectively and I think at times we feel or are made to feel that we champion different causes. But for me, I see commonality.

I think whether we’re talking about gender and equality or racism or queer rights or indigenous rights or animal rights, we’re talking about the fight against injustice. We’re talking about the fight against the belief that one nation, one people, one race, one gender, or one species has the right to dominate, control and use and exploit another with impunity.

I think that we’ve become very disconnected from the natural world. And many of us, what we’re guilty of is an egocentric world view: the belief that we’re the center of the universe. We go into the natural world and we plunder it for its resources. We feel entitled to artificially inseminate a cow and when she gives birth, we steal her baby, even though her cries of anguish are unmistakable. And then we take her milk that’s intended for her calf and we put it in our coffee and our cereal.

And I think we fear the idea of personal change, because we think we have to sacrifice something, to give something up. But human beings at our best are so inventive and creative and ingenious. And I think that when we use love and compassion as our guiding principles, we can create, develop and implement systems of change that are beneficial to all sentient beings and to the environment.

Now, I have been a scoundrel in my life. I have been a scoundrel, I’ve been selfish, I’ve been cruel at times, hard to work with and ungrateful. But so many of you in this room have given me a second chance. And I think that’s when we’re at our best: When we support each other, not when we cancel each other out for past mistakes, but when we help each other to grow, when we educate each other, when we guide each other toward redemption. That is the best of humanity.

I just... I want to... when he was 17, my brother wrote this lyric: He said “run to the rescue with love and peace will follow”.

Thank you.

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

(pt. 1) it seems ennea 1/8/cp6s can mistype as one another quite often. it also seems that there is an overwhelming amount of bs circulating around these types. especially 8s. you know more than i do, so i figured that i'd ask for your input. thanks in advance if you choose to read all this. basically, which one would you say is most fitting for myself? i'm extremely stubborn and willful. tbh, those two are simultaneously some of my best AND worst traits.

(pt. 2) i've gotten better at unclenching as i've aged though, so on the whole i think they're positive forces in my life at this point. when i was a kid i had some anger issues, but i worked on them and by the time i reached adulthood the issues had been dealt with. i still feel anger (of course lol), possibly a bit more often than others, but i dont really blow up. using that energy to instead try to fix the problem causing anger ASAP is better in literally every way so i do that instead.

(pt. 3) that last part about the anger actually is one of my tripping points, most descriptions of 8s ive read show them as being very explosive. some of them to the point where it sounds kind of cartoonish- which makes me doubt how accurate their descriptions of 8s are. but moving on, i'm very independent and have been from a young age. being reliant on other people is like sandpaper on my soul, i have trust issues tbh (that im working on with a professional)

(pt. 4) one of my more 1-ish traits (i think??) is that i tend to be pretty focused on the morality of my actions, with apparently enough intensity that other people point it out when describing me. i'm VERY concerned with justice. it's difficult for me to be a bystander. seeing people attacking others who cant defend themselves is infuriating on a deep level. i'll stand down if the victim asks, since they know their lives better than me, and offer other forms of support instead.

(pt. 5) related to that, i have very high emotional empathy while also having low cognitive empathy (both due to the same neurodivergence) which i think drives me towards compassion. despite the fact that i, in general, feel things with the intensity of a bonfire pushing the limits of what can be controlled, i apparently dont often show it externally. other people (w/ the exception of close friends) almost universally describe me as aloof. which probably ties into the trust issues tbh.

(pt. 6) close friends have told me that, before they got to knew me, that they were intimidated by me and thought that i didnt like them. other people seem to feel the same, but dont say so very often. with the people that were stubborn/caring enough to actually get to know me, it takes a LONG time for me to start opening up to them. but once we get to that point, pretty much the only thing that'd break off the friendship is them doing something morally reprehensible, violating my boundaries...

(pt.  7) or them ending the friendship themselves. a stumbling block in some of my relationships is that i can get into power struggles, sometimes over things that arent really that important in hindsight. i dont want to be anyones subordinate, i need equality in all my personal relationships if they're going to exist at all. i tend to take on the role of the Dad Friend in my friend groups; ive been told by them that they kind of see me as a source of strength that they can draw from/rely on

(pt. 8) ... its something that i like about myself. im also very blunt when communicating for better or worse. people come to me for honest, direct feedback and input, but it has made me some enemies in the past. when i was less mature it made me kind of abrasive tbh, though i learned to play nice well enough that its been literal years since i heard that specific complaint. also this is apparently relevant to the type question so tl;dr yeah, bad childhood. hopefully this is enough info for you

-------

Hi anon,

Thanks for your patience! My guess is cp6, but I’m not positive. I should also add, as always, that I do believe that neurodivergent people can be typed but because I do not (and should not) have all the details of people’s conditions nor can I judge what is due to those conditions and what is inherent to personality (not to mention whether that condition is something you consider inherent to your personality) it can be much more difficult for me to type.

While the way we act in inboxes isn’t the same necessarily as how we act in real life, “thanks in advance if you choose to read this” is not really an 8 statement to me and none of the writing style here stands out as 8: it’s far too conciliatory. 8s can be polite/cordial, but in my experience there tends to be a certain forcefulness or at least expectation. A healthy 8 is more likely to assume they will be read.

Similarly, you indicate that expressing that anger directly is something you’ve moved away from. 8s don’t - they learn perhaps to express it more respectfully (it is true that constant explosive anger is extremely unhealthy and that a lot of 8 descriptions are really hyperbolic) but healthy 8s don’t feel bad about being angry and find value in that expression, in addition to fixing the problem.

With that said I don’t get the sense you feel bad about angry outbursts necessarily, which is pretty common in 1s, and the morality seems outward focused: this doesn’t feel like a fear of “what if I am corrupt” but rather a more 6-like focus of defense and fighting for a belief.

You do mention extreme loyalty to those you are close to, and the wariness of a cp6 but the inherent 6 need for support systems - and willingness to be a pillar within that support system speaks to that.

The one thing that does still speak to 8 is the need for equality, and so I would look into what that ultimate fear is: is it a fear of being dominated or controlled in general (8), or is it a mistrust of those who have been in control over you and who did not provide you with the beneficial guidance and support they should have (6)?

[ibtk]

Book Review: THE ANIMALS IN THAT COUNTRY by Laura Jean McKay (2020)

(Full disclosure: I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review through Edelweiss and Library Thing's Early Reviewers program. Content warning for violence, including that against animals. Caution: this review contains a spoiler in the form of an excerpt.)

'Well, I’ve got a secret for you, Miss Kimberly Russo.' She digs her sharp little nails into my skin. ‘What is it?’ ‘This flu means people can talk to animals.’ Her head shoots up. ‘I want the flu, Granny. Don’t you?’ ‘Grown-ups don’t wish they had diseases, and neither should you.’ ‘But don’t you?’ Outside, Wallamina and Princess Pie are nose and beak to the sliding door, trying to press their way through. Eyes shining. ‘Course I bloody do.’

I can see the wild in her. She looks and acts like any dog. Plays, wags, stares into my eyes with her baby browns; does chasey, catch, begs for biscuits. Then the dusk comes and she lifts her neck and howls the saddest song in all the world, and there’s that wild. Dingo, owl, night thing — that sound is a warning. Loneliest you’ll hear. Wraps around your face, your sleep, your dreams. She’s saying: ‘Hey, hey. There’s something coming.’ The rangers here are always telling me, don’t talk like that. They say how dingoes are just establishing territory, checking on their pack. Dingo admin. But stand on the hot road that runs from the gift shop to the enclosures, and listen to the dingo in her cage call out to the packs on the other side of the fence. Tell me that’s not special. Tell me she doesn’t know something about the world that you and me haven’t ever thought of.

Jean Bennett isn't you're typical grandma - unless you're picturing Gemma Teller Morrow, that is. Jean drinks, smokes, swears, and sleeps around, usually all at the same time, and occasionally with her gay and committed coworker, Andy. She's got a tiger tattooed on her boob, and a dingo named Sue imprinted on her heart.

A lowly guide who dreams of becoming a ranger, Jean works at an Australian wildlife park, run by her son's ex-girlfriend Angela and owned by Angela's father. Jean and her husband Graham landed there years ago, after bouncing around the world for a while. Eventually Graham left Jean to shack up with another woman; their only child, Lee, jumped ship too, but not before hooking up with - and impregnating - Angela. Now Ange mostly keeps Jean around for the free child care (and maybe also because Ange feels sorry for her).

As for Jean, she stays stuck in this weird, awkward morass for her granddaughter Kimberley - one of the few people she can tolerate, let alone love. Jean prefers animals of the nonhuman variety, and the Park's residents/captives are her found family. She has a special place in her cockles for Sue, a dingo mix who she helped rescue as a wee little pup.

Jean's precarious life is already teetering on the edge of chaos when THE FLU arrives - first in southern Australia, then at the Park's gates, thanks to none other than an infected Lee, as charming as he is irresponsible.

Zoanthropathy (from Greek: zóo, “animal”, anthroponis, “human”, pathy, “disorder”), aka zooflu, otherwise known as "the talking animal disease," allow humans to understand and communicate with other animals:

'The strain known as zoanthropathy affects cognition in humans, and it is believed that enhanced communication between humans and nonhuman animals is possible. Zoanthropathy is hosted and spread by humans. [...] The disease is very high in morbidity and very low in mortality. Infected humans appear able to communicate (encode) and translate (decode) previously unrecognisable non-verbal communications via major senses such as sight, smell, taste, touch, and sound with nonhuman animals.'

When Lee runs off with Kimberley - to commune with the whales on the southern coast - Jean embarks on a cross-country road trip to find them. Riding shotgun is Sue, whose keen nose points the way to Tomorrow (Tomorrow being Sue's conceptualization of Kimberley. Jean is Yesterday, and Lee is Never There. Scathing, yet accurate.)

As with most potentially animal-friendly tales, I was equally nervous and excited to dive into THE ANIMALS IN THAT COUNTRY. As it is, the book both thrilled and disappointed me; I almost feel like it deserves two separate ratings, one for the idea and actualization of the dystopian zooflu future - which is breathtaking - and another for the human-centered plot that propels the audience's journey into this world - which is decidedly less so.

Let's start with the zooflu. It seems like it would be awesome to be able to talk to animals, right? Think again. I mean, really turn the idea over in your head, sit with the superpower, and try to envision what this might entail. Given that most of the nonhumans we encounter on the daily are exploited, oppressed, or otherwise negatively impacted by humans -

be it the 25 million farmed animals we create, torture, and kill for food every year in the US alone; the "wildlife" (read: free-living animals) we displace, starve, and kill through habitat loss; the dogs and cats we buy, neglect, and then abandon at shelters; or the animals we unintentionally hit with our cars (or the bugs we trod on just walking down the street); etc. x infinity

- we are weapons of mass destruction. To most of our nonhuman kin (and sometimes our fellow humans, too). Instead of words of wisdom and messages of hope, we'd be more likely to hear cries of terror. Confusion. Pain and agony. Hellfire, everywhere. Created and fueled by us and our own.

Heck, I'm not even sure it would be beneficial to always know exactly what our beloved, nonhuman family members are thinking. I have a fifteen-year-old dog named Finn who's going deaf and blind and battling dementia. More often than not, I suspect that being privy to his innermost thoughts would freak me the fuck out. Not to mention break my damn heart.

And then there's the mode of communication: not just just verbal, as we're used to, but all-encompassing: "sight, smell, taste, touch, and sound." Think pheromones, sound waves, scratches and ticks. The beating of countless tiny wings, all bombarding your brain and trying to tell you something. That kind of thing, coming at you uninvited and from all directions, is apt to drive a person mad. And it does, as evidenced by zooflu sufferers who stuff their orifices with whatever's handy to block incoming stimuli - or, at the more extreme end, the pseudo-religious trepanners who invite strangers to drill holes in their skulls in a misguided attempt to relieve the pressure.

Talking to animals sounds like the stuff of dreams - but in McKay's hands, it's a nightmare.

And a pretty trippy one, at that: fittingly, the incoming messages that Jean's left to decode aren't quite what you'd call straightforward. There's a lot of translation required, and Google hasn't yet caught up:

I’m reading her body like some language I barely remember from a high school textbook. Bonjour madame, connaissez-vous le chemin de la gare? Let’s go to the station. Or, where the hell is the supermarket? I can parrot the words, but the meaning is in scraps.

Copies of this book should be sold with a sheet of acid, or maybe some edibles. I kid, but also not.

If, like me, you assumed that increased understanding and compassion would surely spring forth from this newfound ability to communicate with nonhuman animals, you'd be wrong. While some people do indeed embrace the flu, many others lash out: animal-free zones are established, and hungry citizens start hunting former pets, since they make for easy prey (apparently they've never heard of fruits and veggies?).

There's one especially excruciating scene that I don't think I'll ever be able to forget. Jean takes refuge in a makeshift church, only to catch a glimpse of how the missionaries make their sausage (stew):

A small fluffy dog has pelted out a kitchen door, thin bit of twine tangled around its legs, body blonde fire, screaming, Hello. Please. Please bite its soft. Quick. Help me. I jump up, calling the poor little bugger, but the parishioners shriek louder, climbing on their chairs like that dog is the snake from the garden of Eden. The woman rushes for her daughter and hauls her by an arm out of the room. It’s funny, for a second, until the laugh dies in my throat. The little dog, too tangled in the twine to move, slumps panting in the aisle. It’s not just m e. Where’s other me. She’s still — The god-botherers are faster than me. They grab that dog with WWF wrestling passion, using real lumps of wood, real knives. The little dog has enough time to issue a thick whiff of terror from its undercarriage, Help her, before they’ve slit it ear to ear right there in the pulpit. There was no blood with Lee. He didn��t even look that drowned. He might have come alive any moment. He might be alive right now in his grave. This little dog, though, is bleeding out on the beige carpet. The door to the kitchen is open. Matthew the soup cook leans on the jamb, then turns back. A fluffy tail on a chopping board. The steaming pots. Pain like a stab to my guts — he stirs a soup very much like the one he was serving up in the park.

Of course, this scene is so repulsive to most of us - Jean included - only because the animal being killed and consumed is designated for "companionship" instead of "food," at least in this particular culture. Chances are you've known and loved a dog or two yourself - and so the doomed beast transforms from a something to a someone. Not an unfeeling object to be used and discarded at will, but a sentient creature with her own feelings, desires, and loved ones. Had it been a chicken or pig, the result wouldn't be quite so horrifying; Jean herself eats meat, and justifies doing so, on several occasions.

Yet an earlier scene - in which Jean comes upon an abandoned tractor trailer truck packed with pigs destined for slaughter - will hopefully challenge readers to expand their circle of compassion:

I’ve seen battery hogs before — of course I have. But not out and about. Not staggering around and trying to walk, calling to whatever they think is ‘more’. Glazed eyes that strain like they’ve never seen sunlight. Skin stretched over bodies fed to the point of bursting — something between swine and meat. Saw some animal liberationists on the street in the city one time, saying factory farms were the same as Nazi camps. I called them bloody racists too. The pigs clatter past me down the ramp, fucked-up eyes on the road ahead, calling, Hello is it more. Those animal nutters were wrong, but not in the way I thought. It’s not the same as the Nazis: that was us doing to us. What’s this? [...] A hurt sow sits on her haunches, then lies down on the verge, panting unevenly under the slathering sun. Another weaves blindly over the asphalt toward her, flies spinning around her head. They push their noses into each other. Send me a postcard, the sick one says. Postcard, indeed. What the fuck. I watch more closely. The meaning bright off that tight skin. All the little bits saying, Leave me, and, I’ll hear about it, and, Don’t you see it. Move on. There’s more. The ones that can walk stretch their legs, for, More, more, more. I stand at the top of the truck ramp watching them break into a group trot toward the next paddock. Skin rippling. Hooves carolling. Know that heart-in-your-mouth run. Know exactly what ‘more’ is. I’ve seen it in Lee and I’ve had it too, at times. These pigs are half dead, they’re stumbling around, blind, mad, and fucking hopeful.

Even if many of the characters in this book resist the humanity clearly evident in nonhuman animals, I hope that readers will hold these passages close - especially at the dinner table.

Sue, our main nonhuman protagonist, is a fascinating character; like many of the semi-domesticated animals in the park, McKay paints her as a series of conflicting impulses: safety or freedom. Hunger or satiation. Dingoes or humans. She is fiercely loyal, much to her own detriment. She has wants and needs of her own, and she's often satisfied to set them aside for the good of her (adopted) pack.

And I guess that brings me to the second half of this review: the humans, most of whom are awful. Jean, exponentially so.

Initially I thought that Jean would be my people: she's a hard-drinking, mold-breaking badass broad who gets on better with animals than people. She has a mini-rescue in her backyard where she keeps some of the park's doomed relinquishments. (The public treats the park like a rehab facility when in fact it's in the business of entertainment - old, sick, injured, and "common" animals are routinely killed.) She and Kimberley spend their afternoons together designing the animal rescue they hope to build one day.

But Jean is kind of a terrible person. To call her a misanthrope is half the story: she's also senselessly mean and cruel, especially when drunk, hungover, or frustrated (in other words, 90% of the time). I don't fault Jean for her substance abuse problem - alcoholism is a mental health issue and should be treated as such - but nor is it an excuse for being such an asshole. (There's even a scene where she trolls people discussing the zooflu online, like a fucking American redhat.) She's shit to everyone around her, except for Kimberley and Lee (Lee, who could use a good ass-kicking).

And then there's Sue: Sue, who followed Jean across the damn country when she should have been settling into a dingo pack of her own. Sue, who found Kimberley and saved Jean's life. Sue, who is nothing but good and true and trustworthy. Sue, who Jean assaults on multiple occasions: kicking her in the ribs, binding her with rope to prevent her escape, and even trying to shoot her (with a gun that's thankfully empty of bullets). At one point, she "forgives" Sue for saving her life - as if Sue's the one who needs forgiveness!

Despite the abuse, Sue continues to stick by Jean's side, which galled me endlessly. Towards the end of the story, following the attempted murder, Sue gets revenge of a sort, dominating a delirious Jean and forcing her subservience. However, the book ends shortly thereafter, cutting any sense of satisfaction far too short.

I really felt cheated with Jean: I thought she might be my avatar in this world - but she's just another terrible human who doesn't deserve the company of animals.

Likewise, the whole subplot involving Kimberley's parentage is way over the top dramatic and unnecessary; it seemed like we were being plucked from a dystopia and dropped into a soap opera for a minute there. Just, gross. So yeah, there are definitely some aspects of the book that I appreciated more than others. THE ANIMALS IN THAT COUNTRY may be imperfect - but I'd still wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone looking to explore our relationship to nonhuman animals in a dystopian setting.

[feuilly-cakes]

Twilight - review

I'm now revealing myself to be twilight trash, but let's talk about it! In this review you'll find the good, the bad, and the ugly (in list form even!) I know this story like the back of my hand, and this is a reread, so although I've only read this particular book once before, I can't be unbiased here. I am a more critical reader now than I was at 14 though, so hopefully this review counts for something. There will be a warning before the section with the spoilers if you haven't yet given in to the curiosity.

I loved it. I gave it 4*. I also found certain parts offensive. Some parts were very funny, and others just as dramatic as you'd expect from a book published for teens in 2005. The love story was, dare I say it, good. It's an enemies to friends to lovers, with a very quick progression on those last two. Both Bella and Edward acted just like regular teens around each other, and if there wasn't a vampire aspect involved it wouldn't have been criticised too heavily on the relationship front. I pretty much sped through the book, even with life getting in the way and pausing every 5 minutes to stick annotation tabs in. We are given a good amount of information about vampires, the history of the characters, and also the kinds of people these characters are. Aside from the offensive/insensitive parts, the entirety of which I will be listing below as I picked up on them, there are only a few moments of genuine real life creepiness not related to the Port Angeles scene right up until the epilogue, which made me very uncomfortable for reasons I shall be explaining. As a random note, I noticed 9 obvious instances of foreshadowing. She must have known where she was going with this series, or else that was a strange coincidence. The rest of this review will contain spoilers Let's begin with how this differs from the movie, since pretty much everyone has seen the movie. First and foremost, there are the characters - Bella and Edward specifically. Bella in this book is a typical teenager with a strong personality. As a child she had tantrums over going to Forks, saying she 'hadn't made a secret of [her] distaste for Forks.' She has a fierce temper, but she is also kind, frowning upon Jessica Stanley's judgement of Esme for adopting kids because she can't have any biologically. She's not vain but she cares about her looks, fussing over her skin being paler once she got to Forks - 'My skin could be pretty' 'I had no color here.' Sarcasm is her thing, and she despairs that none of her new classmates seem to get her sense of humour. She's friendly though an introvert, smiling and waving at everyone who greets her after a week of school while not knowing all of their names. She loves girls nights, and finds being around other girls 'invigorating'. She's independent and won't let Edward question that: "No, she did not send me here. I sent myself." However, she notices she has a very strong crush on Edward that is almost obsessive and finds it 'pitiful' and 'pathetic'. At least she's self aware. 

Bella is very funny at times, especially when referencing her clumsiness (I won't spoil this because humour should never be spoiled). Bella is very smart and resourceful, but not in the obvious way. Schoolwork is a breeze for her because she's done most of it at her old school, but she's smart in other ways. It's Bella who figures out about Edward's mind reading abilities and questions him about it, and who flirts with Jacob Black to get information about the Cullens and why they aren't allowed on the reservation. It's Bella who tells Edward that men and women should be equal or as close to equal as they can, each saving each other the same amount of times. It's also Bella who feels that Mike Newton understands her, because they both were new in Forks at one point, and both lived in sunny places and probably both experienced the chain link fences and metal detectors that Bella was shocked were not at Forks High School. (Personally that threw me for a loop too, that schools could have metal detectors.) Edward is closer to the movie characterisation, but acts more like a typical teenage boy. He's moody but charming, awkward at times but also mischievous. At one point he cuts Bella off in the school car park and then deliberately stops his car to wait for his siblings, causing a queue behind them and giving Tyler Crowley the opportunity to ask her to the dance. He does all this to anger Bella, and it was absolutely hilarious. He flip flops between cheerful and broody, and finds Bella utterly fascinating. He is constantly relearning boundaries and ways to make Bella and himself feel more comfortable. An interesting aspect of his character that was definitely unintentional and handled poorly was the way he was coded as demi-sexual. He states that he has never wanted anyone before Bella, and his adoptive mother Esme thought there was something missing in him. As this is offensive I'll be bringing it up again later. Back to some positives, he likes to sing under his breath in a very fast speed that looks like his lips are trembling, and finds the heat of Bella's hands very pleasant. I thought this was cute, and I had to tab it for future reference. A not so cute thing is how he can 'dazzle' Bella by being close to her face and breathing on her. She describes this as her mind going blank, after which we see her agree to whatever he says while she is in this state. It's a bit creepy but he doesn't take advantage of it at first after being made aware of it, he only does so towards the end, which we shall get into later. He also hears the minds of others as a background hum that he can then focus in on, which I found interesting. Now, onto actual plot things that differed, we have Bella never buying that book on Quileute legends, instead simply flirting with a 15 year old Jacob to get his information and then combining that with a google search, and coming to her conclusions that way. Next, we have the Volturi being mentioned but not by name, firstly on vampires a-z in the section: 'Stregoni benefici: An Italian vampire, said to be on the side of goodness, and a mortal enemy of all evil vampires.' and then in a scene that wasn't a part of the film at all, wherein Edward and Bella are in Carlisle's office, talking about his history, and they are brought up simply as Carlisle's artistic friends from Italy. They are named but the word Volturi is nowhere in this book. In a similar vein, several backstories are revealed in this book that we didn't really get to see until later in the series. Bella gets some meaningful interactions with Jasper, who actually sits next to her and touches her to calm her down in the hotel. It's also implied somewhere in those chapters that Alice possibly knew about Bella planning to sneak off and let her go anyway. Finally, Bella is awake after the venom gets sucked out. This is important because she tells them that the venom is gone and thanks Edward before passing out. She was awake and aware the whole time, though in incredible pain. Another difference happens but I'll be discussing that with the other creepy things. Next, I would like to discuss a few things we learn about Vampires. Did you know that despite their physical perfection, a hungry vampire looks like they are recovering from a nose job? The bruises are very prominent, and likely not pretty to look at. Did you also know that they a venomous in the true sense of the word? Alice tells Bella that the venom is to incapacitate victims with the pain, and becoming a vampire is just a side effect, not the true function of the venom. The pain is there for a reason, and that reason is to torture victims with the burning sensation so they can't get away. These vampires may sparkle, but they aren't cute. I will never get the image of snake fangs out of my mind in conjunction to twilight vampires. Am I the only one who didn't realise the inherent creepiness of that because there's no mention of it in the films? Alright, now onto the offensive/ creepy stuff. I'll be bullet pointing these with elaboration where needed. -Bella refers to herself as an albino simply because she is pale. This one just didn't sit right with me, for reasons I can't explain. Stick with me here, it gets worse. -A casual comment about suicide: 'I guess he considered me old enough now not to shoot myself by accident, and not depressed enough to shoot myself on purpose.' This one is tricky, because everyone has made jokes like that, but it made me personally uncomfortable and didn't need to be in there considering the tone of the rest of the book. -Upon Edward talking to her again after the car park incident, Bella says this: "Do you have multiple personality disorder?" This needs no elaboration. Buckle up, it gets worse. -Jacob. He tells Bella his people's legends after she flirts with him, all the while telling her he didn't believe them himself. Then he asks her: "So do you believe we're a bunch of superstitious natives or what?" As someone who is not native american, I can't give a personal perspective here, but I don't believe this is something she should have had a native character say. Stephenie Meyer is a white woman and had no place essentially calling the people she culturally appropriated a bunch of superstitious natives. It was jarring to read that line knowing that it's not her culture and she has no right to say that, only someone from the culture has the right to say that. As I said, I'm not native american and I haven't looked deeply into what exactly she stole and changed, but I know she did it, so that can of course be a pretty major offence to many people. -She compares her clumsiness to being 'almost disabled'. Gross. -The watching her while she sleeps thing. Let's talk about it. She guesses he's been spying on her when he knows where the key is after the meadow date, and he says he's been watching her sleep. It's undoubtedly creepy, but Bella isn't concerned about that. Oh no, she's concerned about what he heard while she was sleep talking. She actually seems unbothered by the stalking aspect, which is why I think these actions flew under the radar for so many people. If Bella thinks it's fine then it must be fine, right? This should have been handled differently. -The Aphobia. Edward tells Bella that Esme was 'afraid that there was something missing from [his] essential makeup'. This is really harmful, but it wasn't intentional. I have no doubt that Stephenie Meyer had no clue and perhaps still has no clue that asexuality is a thing and that she accidentally made Edward demisexual, by simple fact of him being interested in no one before Bella. Nonetheless, it needs to be warned for. -There are heavy implications of p*dophilia here, by choice of language. Regarding Bella's class, full of people her age. Edward calls them a 'class full of children' then on the next page calls Bella 'an insignificant little girl' and then a few chapters down he calls jacob a 'child' to which Bella responds that he is not much younger than she is and Edward cheerfully replies that he knows. It's beyond creepy and I wish it wasn't there, because if it had gone the opposite way of Edward making old man jokes it could have been funny and not horrifying to think about. -Lastly though not leastly, the epilogue. All throughout the book Bella has under no circumstances wanted to go to prom. She is tricked into going to prom. Alice sees the future, Edward reads minds, they knew she wouldn't want to go but bamboozled her into going anyway, and when she starts shouting and crying, Edwards tells her "Don't be difficult". This is creepy and horrifying, that they are taking away her agency and treating her like a child when she tries to refuse. Although she goes and has a goodish time, it still wasn't right to force her into that position. Thus concludes this review, and I leave you with the knowledge that if you read this you get to see the part where Charlie Swan tells Bella that Carlisle Cullen is very attractive. Good day.

[theshinobiway]

I read your other two posts about shipping nejiten and why you dont. I think you make good arguments about how marrying neji would take away tenten's freedom but I was actually wondering about how you view the ship from the perspective of someone who is married? Sorry of that doesn't make sense. I mean like how compatible you think their personalities are if the story was written differently.

Hey there anon!

So this will be my third time addressing the pairing and not to say it's any fault of yours, but I hope it's the last.

I care most about what makes a character develop in a way that is meaningful and beneficial for the overarching story. This extends into the pairings I choose to ship. I've also never been a big shipper to begin with and I'm indifferent to most pairings from any show I watch.

I also am married. Personally, fictional ships or shipping wars do not interest me in the slightest. I'd rather focus on my own, real, interpersonal relationships.

To expand on why I don't like talking about this pairing in particular: it's because I have been openly harassed by fans of the pairing both on this blog and on a previous blog that I eventually closed because my inbox blew up with angry stans that, a few years ago, I was not mentally equipped to handle. I've responded to around two to three asks openly on the blog, but at this point I've deleted in the range of 10-12 messages that I did not see fit to dignify with a response.

I figure that most of these comments come from underage followers who are too immature to understand complexities of romantic relationships or are simply too disinterested in talking about the literature to have open discourse with. They just want to ship what they believe the characters are like, have headcanons, and ignore the evidence contrary. As an adult, I have to handle this with patience and understanding. I'm not about to rage on any anon follower because I don't know their age or personal circumstances. And frankly, a fictional pairing is not worth tearing someone down over–I speak from experience.

Now, on to answering your question in full:

When it comes to the narrative, there isn't a common thread (theme, motif, storyline, etc.) that ties Neji and Tenten together. They both have the goal to get stronger, (As is the theme of team Gai at large) but Neji's story is MOST closely tied to Hinata/The Hyuga, Lee, and Naruto (in that order.) All three of those characters are sufficient enough to spur Neji's growth in his own arc. Tenten's support as a teammate is also sufficient enough. They are good battle partners (combining long range and short range) but the same is also said for Tenten and Lee. There's nothing special here. Nothing that screams "chemistry" or that "stands out."

The reason people love pairings such as SnS, NaruSaku, NaruHina, Sasusaku, SaiIno, ShikaTema, etc. is because all of these pairings have two partners that can equally contribute to the other's growth. Neji and Tenten simply do not have this. Tenten adds nothing to Neji that he does not already have: her support already comes from multiple other people in his life that understand his situation better. Tenten is often shown having a more common thread with Lee: they are both ninja that came from no special background and are overcoming their own weaknesses to pave their own path. You might say Tenten could humanize Neji or humble him, but Naruto and Lee already do that. Neji's closest female relationship is with Hinata, and that's where we see him become softer and more patient. Hinata is the one that humanizes Neji the most, and it's because they also share a same arc: literally, the Hyuga clan arc. She has the emotional intelligence to reach Neji and the position to make him believe in the determination of the once-talentless. That's THEIR arc as siblings.

I would also like people to ask themselves what exactly Neji can offer Tenten. In the reverse, I strongly can affirm that Neji does NOTHING for Tenten. He can train with her? So can the rest of her team, and she does. He can encourage her? So can the rest of her team, and they do–far more than Neji. He can calm her down when Gai/Lee do their antics? Okay, but is being a walking pacifier really a great foundry for a relationship? (Also, as Tenten gets older, part of her personal development is finally accepting her own goofy side and joining in!) In fact, his relationship and subsequent would inhibit her stated goals and dreams.

Tenten flat out does not want to have a traditional, feminine lifestyle of getting married. And as a married person, it's not impossible to understand why! Relationships and marriages are HARD work! It's not sailing into the sunset with kids and a house! They require commitment and upkeep! Sacrifice! They are a huge stressor (even the best marriages!) and you must balance the feelings and dreams of another person when you are deciding your future and make personal sacrifices.

Tenten wants to follow her hobbies and her dream is one of self-determination. Marrying Neji means introducing a rigid, hierarchical clan structure for which Tenten has no experience/interest in and is ill-prepared to handle. Her blunt, insensitive attitude would not fare well in the formal atmosphere of Hyuga affairs–this isnt a shoujo of rich guy/average girl. This is a shounen. She'll be expected to raise children and retire/hiatus from her career. This expectation does not help her goals or dreams and effectively halts her personal development.

In fact, had this pairing actually happened, shippers might have been happy that their pairing "made it," but I have no doubt that people would have ALSO called Tenten yet ANOTHER victim of Kishi's 'housewife' troupe next to Sakura and Temari. Making her Neji's wife erases what little personal identity and development she had. Why would you want to put the ONE woman who pursued her career and goals in a relationship and erase that? Because they have an aesthetic? I surely hope you never then complain about the fates of Sakura or Temari, then!

And on that note, "fixing the writing" to where Tenten is an 'empowered working mom' does NOT address Tenten's personal desires. I see this most often discarded in favor of ANY of her ships.

Tenten's purpose in the story is to show a woman who branches out from the norm. I also seldom see a woman in any story who is as balanced and flawed as she is while still being lovable. Also, despite relegating the other kunoichi to housewife status, Kishi deliberately let Tenten be a single woman who is not criticized for her decision. Japan itself still has a traditional mindset in that regard, and seeing the other cast members treat Tenten as normal–not even commenting on her relationship status–is a quiet, but no less significant addition to the story. It normalizes career women in a traditional atmosphere.

Gag about her store aside, Tenten's shop isn't doing poorly because she's a bad businesswoman or a spinster. It's been clearly stated by Tenten herself that it's because they are in a time of peace. Again, a small but significant detail that gets overlooked in Tenten's story. As Boruto progresses and war seems to loom on the horizon, I have no doubt her shop may get more business soon.

Tenten and Neji have the making of good friends and comrades with some common ground, and it's for the betterment of both of them personally that they stayed that way throughout the series. Good relationships add to characters and stories–they don't take things away.

Hopefully this finally puts my full opinions on the matter to rest. Fandom can do whatever it wants, but I'd like to not see any more of the ridiculous "pairing war" nonsense pop up in my inbox. Nejiten has FAR better reasons to stay platonic than it ever will to become canon, even in a rewritten story where Neji lives. If you want a pairing with this aesthetic but actually have chemistry and a shared narrative, look at Ren/Nora of RWBY (which, coincidentally, is actually one of the few pairings I enjoy.)

Thanks for contributing to the blog!

[aziraphaleandcrowley]

Tldr: me word vomiting lots of random emotions and thoughts I’ve been having about my life. Would put under a read more but tumblr mobile is shite. Ignore if you wanna, I just needed to throw this into the world cos I’ve been so socially distant from everyone in my life that I haven’t spoken to anyone about this, and I’m not sure I would’ve even if I actually replied to my friends more than once in a blue moon

...............................................................

Me: honestly convinced I’m never gonna find romantic love cos I’m ace and probably aro - at the very least I’ve never been attracted to/interested in someone enough to want to date them and the whole being sexually attracted to someone and looking a people and wanting to have sex with them sounds fake and doesn’t resonate with me at all.

Me: is theoretically a very sex favourable and positive person but the idea of sex with someone I’m not dating is just so weird to me but damn do I wish there was someone who knew me and my likes and dislikes to be intimate with

Me: is super duper disappointed to not experience love/sex but is simultaneously doing literally zero to create opportunities cos I just don’t speak to anyone outside of my family and colleagues, and the one single guy I had any interest in at work is gay and has left.

Me: reads fanfic constantly and I’m now wondering whether it is beneficial in distracting me from my loneliness or enhancing it. I think both. I think I need a break from fanfic at the very least but honestly don’t know what I’d do without it cos it’s been my go to hobby for so many years and I legit read for 30+ hours a week and that’s soo much time to fill???

Me: really doesn’t want to have kids in the future cos I don’t understand kids in the slightest and pregnancy is terrifying and I still feel like a child myself and I know this is something which may change in the future but I don’t think so and my mum bringing up wanting grandkids on a near weekly basis recently is kinda starting to put me on edge cos I’m already starting to feel like a disappointment cos I’m an only child and I’m the only opportunity for grandkids - which I know is ridiculous but it how I feel and that’s valid

Me: with my grandad in hospital (he’s gonna be fine, he would be out of hospital if he actually did what the doctors and nurses said about doing exercises etc) it has made me think about the family I do have which is: my mum, my dad, my grandad and my uncle. That’s it. I have two other uncles and several cousins etc who I see maybe once a year but they don’t really count.

Me: has a handful of really amazing friends who I haven’t spoken to in months and I don’t even really know why. They’ve all messaged me and I just havent replied. I’m not trying to actively push them away like I did with a friend in the past who I just felt drained with in the end whenever we interacted, but honestly every time I get a message I just feel exhausted at the prospect of ongoing social interaction. And it’s silly cos I know exactly the kind of thing I could message people about to start a conversation, like I could talk to Emily about finally watching Hamilton and how it’s been two weeks and I’m still listening to song on repeat and how she was right about how good it is and yet it’s been a week and a half since I’ve thought about sending that message and yet I haven’t and just uggghhhh @me

Me: is horrified by the idea of being alone for life romantically, and knowing that between my ever dwindling family and me not talking to my friends that being alone if more likely that I ever want to think about

Me: wants to live a happy life of my own but don’t know how to. I want to move out but can’t afford to on my own and it’s super impractical when I can live with my parents for £20 per week for food. But god forbid if anything happens to one of my parents I’m gonna be stuck at home forever cos I have so little family and my parents have literally no one else to turn to.

Me: wants to do a masters in gender and sexuality studies writing about representations of asexuality on screen but I know I could write and entire book which would be great for phd level but I missed the deadline to apply cos June was crazy and all I’ve been doing recently is working 6 days a week then working on my car for a day before working another 6 days. And even if I did a masters and maybe eventually a phd I have no idea what I’d actually do with it? I have so little ambition for anything right now and the future is just a void of mystery in which I don’t even know what I want???

Me: is starting to think I might actually be kinda depressed. I’ve thought it on and off for longer than I’ll ever admit but I’d do quizzes online and they’d say I wasn’t so I didn’t really think too much more about it (and yes I know an online quiz is shit and means nothing but there’s no one I would want to talk to about it cos I feel like I have to be strong for the people around me and shit but yeah). I know I’m not happy, but that doesn’t necessarily equal depressed. All I know is I’m uninspired and I feel kinda empty. Doing stuff I do enjoy, if I actually do it, just makes me feel tired half the time so I end up trying to nap instead but then I don’t sleep great either, waking up in the night or when my dad is getting ready for work so I very rarely get a solid 8 hours of sleep. I’m irritable a lot too...

Me: even if I am depressed what does it matter? Like it does matter ofc, but my mum is on media for depression and it’s taking her weeks to get an appointment with the doctor to try and get a different dosage. I’m not a danger to myself or others, I’m unhappy, but who isn’t with COVID going on and there are people who need mental health services more than me. Which is really hypocritical of me to say cos I’ve told my best friend so many times that trauma and mental health etc aren’t competitions of who has it worse but it’s the truth. Also my mum and colleagues access the only mental health resources in town and I do not want to deal with interactions with people I know whilst trying to improve my mental health.

Me: I don’t know how many times I’ve said it in posts like this but something needs to change. I was set on a good course at the start of the year. I was getting out, socialising, doing new things, inspired to cook, learn to new music and change my lifestyle, and then COVID happened and since all of that has slowly drained away and I need to find a change to revitalise that. I’d hoped getting back to having driving lessons and working on my car would be a start, and to be fair it’s been less than two week since I restarted doing that, so maybe I can find a new spark of inspiration still. Within a couple of months I will pass my driving test. Hopefully it won’t take much longer than that to get my car finished and on the road (hopefully it’ll take two weeks to finish putting the rear end back together so we can finally get my car back on four wheels, then it’s just lots of little jobs which hopefully won’t take too long). The weather is supposed to be decent this week so I might work up the effort to go for a walk down the fields which always seems to relax me a little. And the cinema reopens at the end of the month so I’d finally have an excuse to get out of the house (I know COVID is not over and things should not be going back to normal any time soon, but I need to do something other than go work for 4 hours everyday and spend 90% of my time at home and most of that time in bed because I have nowhere else to go). I don’t know what else I can be hopeful for in the coming weeks but that’s a start and just listing them out here has made me feel a little better so.

I keep thinking about Patrick from Schitt s Creek, leaving his hometown to escape a life which didn’t fit him and finding everything he needed in a tiny town in rural Canada, and wishing I could do the same, but I know I’d just end up even more alone because I am not a social person in the slightest and don’t kno how to be despite knowing that me making changes is the only way to improve myself.

And then a line from Hamilton about death is easy, living is harder, and I want to make it abundantly clear that I do not in any way, shape or form want to die, but living is hard and I have an easy life. I have enough money that I was able to loan my dad the money to buy a car, and still have more savings after that than he does, I have a good that if not particularly well paid I do enjoy and I’m good at, my family live me in their own way, even tho I feel that part of my social distance and reluctantance towards others is because no one in my family is particularly socially inclined.

Maybe I just really need a hug.

I don’t even know where I’m going with this anymore but I just had so much build of of words in my brain that they had to go somewhere and this has turned into my go to word vomit place

Things will get better. I don’t know when or how but they will. But they won’t if I don’t get enough sleep for a starters. So off to bed I go. If you’ve read all this thank you, I guess, for listening cos I’m not sharing this with anyone irl just yet. And I’m sorry this is so long but tumblr mobile doesn’t let me put in a read now but I want this out in the world even tho no one will see it

[sstudysis]

8 things I wish I knew before starting High School

Hi, study family! I just compiled a short list of things I wish I would've known before starting high school as a favor for a teacher friend. Feel free to share with students who are entering high school. These points are just based on my personal experience and should be taken into context.

We've heard the term, "high school will fly by." As an upcoming sophomore in college, I am here to say this is true but, with a little more guidance you may want to savor it. This article is not about surface deep, "how to deal with peer pressure guidance," (which can be valuable) this is about the real-life problems a young-adult may face in their high school career. My advice (though very real) may not apply to everyone, but figure out what could resonate with you and run with it.

Your peers care more about themselves than about you.

High school is an entirely new social terrain, and for obvious reasons, you’d want to fit in. This can be both positive and negative. Firstly, try to remain true to yourself (even if you’re not entirely sure who you are yet) we all have this little thing called intuition; follow it. A lot of thoughts will be running through your mind, “will they like me?”, “do I look right?”, And the list goes on. The funny thing about these thoughts is that everyone you're surrounded by have them meaning most people care a lot more about how they look than how you look. Try not to get too bent out of shape about what others may fleetingly think about you before they focus back on themselves.

  2. Remember the long-term

It’s straightforward to see four years as a long time, in retrospect it’s not. A high school will be so packed with student events, projects, dances, studying, working, and so much more so the time will fly by. I wish someone would’ve told me my first day of 9th grade that what the choices I make in these short four years will be integral to my future (Llaneza tried). Going into high school with that wisdom would’ve made some of my choices look a lot different. For example, I would’ve worked just a little harder in every area of my studies, I maybe would’ve skipped a few of the Friday night parties for some more studying, and I would’ve given up short term satisfaction to be able to apply myself for the long haul. Of course, it’s a balancing act, and both short-term and long-term successes can be beneficial but, high school should be focused on building a strong foundation for your success later in life whatsoever you choose that to be.

3. Grades are crucial, but they don’t always determine your future success.

To disclaim getting high grades in high school should be your first goal. It doesn’t matter if you want to be an electrician, a physician, or an entrepreneur, grades matter. From an authentic perspective and a very average student, I understand if you think grades are arbitrary measures of intelligence because I agree. However, because you are so smart, you should also realize that to have more choice in your life later,  just get high marks. In contrast, if you want to be a successful person don’t let the occasional ‘C’ stop you. Your first low grade won’t completely derail your future, it doesn’t mean you're any less smart than your peers, and it shouldn’t be seen as a reflection of your worth. A low grade can stem from a lot of reasons, and it’s what you do after that determines who you are. Never give up hope, if you believe that you are meant to be successful than take the necessary steps, and see your pitfalls as character-building experiences, not life determinants. There is always a way to level-up.

4. If you are a person of color, expect to work twice as hard and get half as far.

Okay time for some somber truth, if you are a young person of color you won’t always be equal in your academic spaces. The inequality in academia has less to do with you and more to do with how power and privilege work in every sector of your life. Depending on where you go to school some kids may have been privileged to have private tutors, a stronger formative education, parents who are heavily invested in their child's academic success (monetarily as well), and more, though unfair it’s life. If I would’ve been consciously aware of this during my high school career I think would’ve felt less stigmatized about lower standardized test scores. If you go to high school in a more impoverished area, expect to supplement your education. Unfortunately, a lot of black and poc inner city schools are neglected and disadvantaged. So don’t be surprised if you have to put in more outside leg work (i.e., learning algebra from khan academy), just to be equal with your privileged counterparts. More, unfortunately, don’t be surprised if this extra leg-work goes unnoticed. This is a grossly unfair fact of life but remembers “when they go low, we go high” (Michelle Obamas).

5. “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

It may seem like the girl or boy you’re comparing yourself to in 5th period has everything together and the truth is they probably don’t, and that’s okay. Comparison is a tricky thing because a lot of it is based on assumption, “that girl/boy makes everything look easy”, well this is just what you’ve assumed when that girl/boy, in fact, could be thinking, “why is this so hard I wish I could just be like ____”, so don’t assume how someone is doing. Try to remember that you are so incomparable to someone else because you have a completely different story. Also be conscious that the way you define success may look different from someone else, set your metrics for success. I’m aware that this may be a lifelong struggle, but hopefully, in your high school years, you can figure out what makes you unique and be grateful for that.

 6. Try to be in balance.

It’s majorly important to prioritize other areas of your life besides school and to be frank sacrificing other areas of life to perform better in school is not sustainable in the long term. Although sometimes with work and different expectations, it feels you have to run like a machine but your not, and you need to recharge. Having a healthy, social life, sleep schedule, and physical health is just as important as having time to study and do work. Don’t feel sorry for having to take a day off self-care is vital, don’t be afraid to set boundaries. I’m also acutely aware that the prospect of getting 8 hours of sleep, working out, going out with friends, AND trying to do well in school is kind of a dream but, we gotta keep striving.

7. “Your move.”

I wish someone would’ve said sooner, “Crystal take some darn responsibility.” High school may be the most independent point of your life so far. It is the beginning of redefining who you are at times, separate from familial trends. It is a pivotal time in your life where more and more of the decisions you make will be up to you. Try to take responsibility for the consequences and success that come from the choices you make. For more or less you are choosing what your life will look like after you graduate (a scary prospect for a 14 or so year old). High school is also formulated to be a rather low risk so don’t be afraid to make mistakes but also realize that from here on out it’s up to you to decide who you are. However, please don’t let your success in high school become your identity because many factors will challenge that and you don’t want to be always vulnerable to any changes in performance.

8. Peer Pressure

I’m sure you’ve already received a lot of advice on how to deal with peer pressures. Therefore, I won’t say too much just don’t allow yourself to be put in a box. Due to cliques, and other groups it’s easy to understand your high school social class but, allow for contradiction. As separate individuals, we are genuinely never one thing don’t allow yourself to be trapped into the idea of what you are or what you should be. Just be, and your tribe will find you. In my high school experience I sometimes would be with the “honor” students, I sometimes would be with the sports kids, or the chess kids, or the debate kids, and I learned so much more about who I actually was rather than to just assume the position of what I was told I should be. This will allow you to be open minded and gain different challenging perspective.

Remember, the most important thing is to be young while you can. Try not to take yourself too seriously too soon. High school is the perfect arena for failing, learning, and growing at the end of the day do what makes you feel most effective.

[ledenews]

Ferry Rewards Student Participation

Ask any high school athlete and he or she will tell you there's nothing quite like a loud and raucous student section of one's peers cheering you on to put a little extra pep in your step come game time. Sometimes the student following is large, sometimes not. It often depends on the sport being played, but more so, on the cost of tickets. Some schools offer discounted student tickets. Some do not. There are a few, like Ohio County Schools recently, that opted to provide free entry for students. That is an exception moreso than the norm. Often times, students attend one or two games per season in support of their classmates, but not all. They, or more specifically their parents, can't afford $5 a game potentially multiple times per week. Martins Ferry and its newly hired athletics director Greg Harkness recently devised a system to allow students in grades 7-12 free admission to all regular-season events. All that's required is a little beneficial sweat equity on their part. “We definitely wanted to tie the guidelines into participation in an extra-curricular activity,” Harkness said. “I think all schools are trying to find ways to increase participation and we felt that this was an opportunity to reward kids for being involved.” There are three criteria students must meet in order to receive an all-sports pass at Martins Ferry. One, the student must be in grades 7-12 at Martins Ferry. Two, the student must participate in some form of extra curricular activity, i.e.football, band, flag corps, basketball, track, etc. And third, the student also must commit to and join the Belmont County Schools Staying Clean Club. The band and flag corps is included as well because the district didn't just want to reward athletes, but all students willing to put in time after school. This doesn't extend to different clubs offered at the school, however. “We wanted to include band, the flag corps, etc., because those kids put in extra time as well and are a part of what make Friday nights special. We stayed away from clubs because they are mainly class-based,” Harkness said. “Most of those activities are limited to classroom time so we decided to focus mainly on extra-curricular activities.” Continued participation in parts two and three are key. If the student quits either their after-school activity, or the Staying Clean Club, the pass is subsequently revoked. “We think that the Staying Clean Club is very important and wanted to tie participation in that organization into the guideline as well,” Harkness said. “The benefits of being involved in activities and the Staying Clean Club will hopefully influence these students to stay on the right path.” While victory is sweet, it's far sweeter when shared with friends and classmates. The Martins Ferry student section was loud and involved during the Shadyside game. Photo courtesy of Martins Ferry Purple Riders Cheer Squad. So Far, So Good The announcement was made on Tuesday and already students are flocking to obtain the passes they already qualified for, or are signing up for the Staying Clean Club and picking up their passes. Students who had already purchased a pass yet now qualify for a free pass are eligible to receive the money back they originally spent. The students definitely seem on board, as does the greater community at large. “The response has been really positive,” Harkness said. “I think everyone understands we are trying to reward kids for getting involved and participating. We are hoping the kids go and support classmates and their friends on game nights.” It should also pay dividends in other ways. Let's face it. Students get hungry at games and visit the concession stands with far greater regularity than adult fans. Those concession stands are run by the respective sports' booster organizations, which will benefit from the increase in sales and funds raised. Plus, more students equals a louder, more involved home stands and more support for the Purple and White. “If we can get students to attend and support the various teams it just makes the whole atmosphere of the game better,” Harkness said. While Harkness came up with the plan and the particulars, he noted it couldn't have come to fruition without the tremendous support of the administration and the school board, both of which quickly got on board and backed the idea. Board members Dave Bruney, Nick Stankovich, Jon Nagel, Jim Agnew, and Chuck Probst, along with Superintendent Jim Fogle and High School Principal Joe Mamone all threw their support behind the move, allowing it to transition from plan to reality quickly. “My wife was on the Bridgeport school board for 12 years so I know how thankless of a job that position is, but these five gentlemen were super quick to embrace the idea and make it come to fruition,” Harkness said. “Without their support this would not have happened. I also want to thank Superintendent Jim Fogle and High School Principal Joe Mamone for jumping behind the idea and supporting it. This was truly a team effort.” Now the ball is in the students' court, per se. They just have to get involved, stay involved, and come out and support the Purple Riders in droves. So far, so good. Read the full article

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #173

“i like the sound of the broken pieces.”

Do you get excited when you learn you have to dress up? No. What brand of hair spray do you use? I don't use that. When you were younger, did you believe you could fly? Maybe? Favorite farm animal? Pigs! Have you ever written or considered writing a play? No. Have you ever had kidney stones? No. Have you ever been sedated or put under anesthesia? Yes. Have any of your friends ever cheated on somebody? *shrugs* Pin the tail on the donkey - fun or stupid? I loved it as a kid. Still would have fun. In your opinion what is one of the ugliest cars on the road? I'm not knowledgeable on car names, but those box-looking ones are definitely up there. Have you ever been on the very top floor of a skyscraper? NO. Have you ever won anything out of one of those crane machines? Yeah. Can you remember being taught how to ride a bike? Was it hard for you? Yeah, I don't think it was too hard. How many instruments do you own/have you owned? Three: Recorder, flute, guitar. Were you ever a flower girl or ring bearer in anyone’s wedding when you were little? No. Have you ever had an ear infection? All the time as a kid until I had tubes put in, then I had one from Hell itself early this year because my former doctor was a fucking idiot. Do you own or rent your home? Rent. Are your parents in good health? No. Well maybe Dad is all right, but he doesn't look to be in great health. He's too skinny. Have you picked up any new hobbies in the past year? No. If you have a significant other, how old were you when you first met them? Like, ten. How old were they? Eight-ish. Is English your first language? If not, was it hard to learn? Yes. Have you ever worn a costume for any reason other than Halloween? Dance recitals/competitions. Is there anything you’re a snob about? I don't believe so. Are you open to trying new foods or would you prefer to stick to foods you love and have often? I'm hesitant to try new foods. Have you ever had a ‘summer fling’? If yes, did it continue when summer ended? No. Has anybody ever told you that you could be a model? No. Do you use different kinds of moisturizer for different body parts? ie. hand lotion for your hands, face cream for your face. Or do you just use one moisturizer for all body parts? No. Have you ever felt like you were someone’s rebound? No. Are you a vegetarian? If yes, how long have you been a vegetarian for and what are your reasons for being one? If no, do you think you’d ever like to stop eating meat? Not anymore, but I was for a couple months. I wish I could be one permanently; the way animals are butchered is horrific, and I don't want to take any part in their consumption. I see their lives as equal to mine. I'm not anymore for two reasons: 1.) Willpower, and 2.) my diet without meat is too carb-focused as I couldn't dedicate myself to enough vegetables (especially) and fruit. If for some reason you were were unable to get to a supermarket for the weekend (let’s say you were snowed in or something) which item would be the worst for you to run out of - toilet paper or toothpaste? Toilet paper. I mean both would be gross, but. I'd be more disgusted if I couldn't clean myself after using the bathroom, especially if, y'know. I could at least use mouthwash for the latter. Has anybody ever broken up with you over something really pathetic? What was it? Have you ever been dumped in a disrespectful way? (eg. through text, through a friend..) No, and yup. Jason broke up with me over Facebook Messenger after a serious three-and-a-half-year relationship. Yeah, pathetic. Does it irritate you when people are late for things, or do you not really care? Not really. But I guess it depends on the occasion. Is your bed against more than one of your walls? No Have you ever burned yourself while taking something out of the oven? No. I don't mess around with the oven. Have you ever made out in your room? Last time? Not in my current room. Have you ever injured yourself while you were under the influence of alcohol? No. When was the last time you were bitten by a bug? Idk. What’s the fastest you’ve ever driven in a car? I guess on a highway maybe I accidentally approached 80 mph? Have you ever had a dream where you could understand a foreign language? No. Have you ever owned a beanbag chair? I think so. Are you a fan of retro things? Y E A H Have you ever used pastels? Yeah, made a few things with them in high school art class. What’s the limit on how much you would pay for a shirt? Ohhhh idk... I'm a sucker for band tees especially. I suppose I'd be hesitant once it hits $40. Is it currently humid where you are? No. Who were the last people you hung out with? Just Mom. How many different colors have you dyed your hair? Black, red, purple. Do you feel safe where you live? Yeah. Where have you considered moving to? I'd like to move to the mountains once I'm independent. Have you been falsely diagnosed with something by a bad doctor? Lol yup. Did you know I had ADHD? :^) Have you ever had a doctor refuse to treat you? No. Are you against abortion? Not in all cases. Has anyone ever hacked your accounts before? Not maliciously. Back when it was a "thing," Megan and I "hacked" into each other's YouTube accounts to write lovey-dovey shit in our descriptions. Who is the first person who broke your heart? Dad when he left. If you only mean romantically, everyone knows who. Do you know anyone who has fought in a war? Not to my knowledge. What’s the last song you danced to? No clue. Do you tend to be self-destructive? Eh, there's a moderate chance when something goes wrong. Self-bashing thoughts are easy to let in. What religion are you? Theist. Who is the last person you gave a ride to, and where did you take them? I don't have a license. Have you ever been shot? No. What is the coolest thing you can do? I dunno. Do you have anything from past relationships? Yeah, just like, plushies. And a small jewelry box. Do you like coconut water? Never tried it, and I doubt I'd like it. I hate coconut. Do you have a Nintendo Switch? No. At what venue was the last concert you attended? Idr. Do you think stained glass windows are pretty? YES. Are you scared of snakes? No. Have you had your wisdom teeth removed? No. I have my two bottom ones, but I was told there's enough room in my mouth for them to not be a big issue. X-rays show none on my top row. Do you like hard or soft pretzels better? Soft. Has anyone ever asked for your phone number, and you refused to give it to them? I believe so. Are you ready for children? Never will be. Does it take you a while to actually get jokes? Occasionally. Have you ever bleached your hair? Yes, to get it dyed. Do you like jelly beans? Depends on the flavor. Who taught you how to apply make-up? Myself, I guess? Would you rather live in an apartment or a house? House. Do you prefer Small Business Saturday, Black Friday, or Cyber Monday? Cyber Monday, man. Which do you prefer: iPhones, Android, Blackberries, or something else? iPhone. Do you ever put fruit on your cereal? No no no ew. Are there more photos or music files on your computer? Photos. Say something about the band/artist you’re listening to right now. I'm listening to "Professional Griefers" by deadmau5 ft. Gerard Way. I have no opinion on the band (this is the only song I know), but loooove me some Gerard. What is your favorite thing about the summer, besides the the no school thing? Just swimming. Are you similar to your sibling(s), personality-wise? How so? Nope. Well, my mom's eldest daughter is quite like me. We're both more quiet people that feel deeply and suffer from bipolarity. Do you watch amateur song covers on YouTube? No, but fun fact! I got into YT because Nicole wanted me to listen to "Before He Cheats" covers with her. I found the MM fandom, and it was all over. Which YouTuber have you learned the most from? About life and such, easily Mark. As far as obscure knowledge goes, Good Mythical Morning/Rhett and Link. What is your favorite type of church that you’ve visited? Visually, Catholic. What different types of churches have you visited? Catholic and Christian. What type of church do you hate or dislike? I don't *hate* or even "dislike" any just for their existence. Who would you want to be the flower girl at your wedding? My niece Aubree, buuut considering there's a 99% chance I'll be marrying a woman, her dad would never allow it. It might even be "too far" for Ash. What group are you most active in on Facebook? None. I pay most attention to the WoW ones I'm in, but I don't really take part, especially since I'm not currently playing. Are you ashamed of anything? Yes. What were your favorite Disney rides as a kid? I think it was called Splash Mountain? Have you read the entire Bible? No. How old were you when you first dyed your hair? Uhhh however old I was my freshman year of high school since middle didn't allow dyed hair. Do you dye your hair regularly? No, sadly. ;-; Can't afford to. What is the most comfortable type of pants, in your opinion? Pj pants, man. Do you think you have what it takes to make it big in the entertainment biz? HAHA NO. Do you have a job now? If so, what is it? No. Currently going through VR to hopefully change that. List 10 favorite girls’ names. Alessandra, Josephine, Evangeline, Chloe, Evelyn, Fallon, Heather, Amani, Violet, and Ellie. List 10 favorite boys’ names. Damien, Vincent, Victor, Luther, Severin, Alexander, Aiden, Jaxson, Shawn, and Jamie. Which stereotype do you fit the most? Uhhhh idk?? Geek??? Are you thankful for social media, or do you wish it didn’t exist? I'm thankful for it. Do you think social media is beneficial? Or is it destructive? It's perfectly capable of being either. Have you ever been socially awkward? Hi, I'm Brittany. How old were you when you started puberty? Around 11? Do you think of baby names you like often? No. What health issues do you have? B O I severe social and generalized anxiety, AvPD, chronic depression, bipolar 2, OCD, PTSD, I think ADD, vertigo, inactive MRSA, severe dry mouth, the humiliating excessive sweating, carpal tunnel in both wrists, we're tryna figure out the fuck's wrong with my knees, and moderate-severe tremors. Is that it???? What are some health problems you have had in the past? Insomnia seemed to fuck off thank Christ, ear infections. What are some of the best medications you’ve ever had? The medical combo that is partially responsible for saving my life is Latuda + Lamictal. What is your favorite pizza topping? It depends on the place that makes the pizza, but to be safe, I get pepperoni at most places. Who are your favorite small YouTubers? Johny Paranormal is a sweetheart, but I don't watch him regularly. Most others I watch have at least/almost 1M subs, so I don't think you could call them "small." Have you ever made money off of YouTube? No. What was a video you watched over and over as a kid? Oh my GOD there was this guy who made a video to "Gasolina" by whoever-the-fuck and Nicole and I were obsessed with it??? Do you own a pair of fishnets? Gloves. Are you sore right now? No. Have you ever experienced depression as a side effect? Lol I'm diagnosed with it, so. Because I have bipolarity too though but was medicated for depression, my bipolar symptoms were worsened and thus sometimes depression. (Learned being on anti-depressants while simultaneously being bipolar is only destructive.) Have you ever been suicidal as a withdrawal symptom? I don't believe so. How old were you when you got braces? Idk, sometime in middle school? How old were you when you started wearing glasses (if applicable)? High school, I think?? Are you good at remembering names? NO. When was the last time you held someone’s hand? Few days back at the movie theater. A preview for a movie that took place in a psych hospital came on, so Mom grabbed my hand tight, knowing it gave me bad memories. I was all right, but. Woulda rather not have seen it. Movie looked stupid anyway. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? Earbuds. Block out sound and you hear everything so well. Could you possibly write a successful novel? I honestly feel I'm capable, but I won't. Do you have any clothes with spikes/studs on them? I have a spiked choker and a studded bracelet, but I think that's it rn. If you had to get a portrait tattoo, who would it be of? Dead serious, I want to at some point get Darkiplier's first appearance/smile above/to the side of my left elbow by a really professional artist. I'll take my stanning behavior to the grave. Do you get exercise daily? No, but I really would like a treadmill. Something easy like that. Work my shit knees, too. Which emoji would you be most apt to dress up as? I don't????? know???????? Which do you think is better, DIY costume or storebought costumes? DIY!! You can get sooo creative. Do you stay out of stupid arguments online? I try to. I'll butt in though if I feel it necessary and/or beneficial. Do you want a new phone? Why or why not? More like I need one. Drops calls randomly, restarts at random, doesn't always do what I click. What book do you think should be made into a movie? Idk. Do you know anyone with a service dog? No. Do you like babies? Why or why not? Nooooo. Annoying as actual fuck, can't properly communicate with them, needy as hell, etc. etc. I'm not at all expecting anything more from them, they're babies, I personally just don't usually enjoy them. What is something most people don't know about you? I RP. Did you earn a title in the senior class polls? If so, what? No. How many teachers have bullied you? None. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? No. Snickerdoodles or s'mores? S'mores! What is something you remember enjoying very much as a small child? Webkinz. As a child, were you a sore loser or a sore winner? I don't believe so. Did you play with siblings, neighborhood kids, or by yourself? All of those. Have you ever, or would you like to attend a gaming or comic convention? YEAH. What's your opinion on online multiplayer games? Well, I went through a WoW addiction, so I obviously didn't hate it. I tend to enjoy single-player, though. Who is the most important person in your life (besides yourself)? Sara. Do you find it easy to make friends now? If not, what makes it difficult? NO BC I FEAR HUMAN INTERACTION AND JUDGMENT. If you live alone, what would be your criteria for a roommate? I don't live alone. But let's say I did: No drugs, no smoking, female, CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF, and by this point, you'd probably have to be my s/o. I'm almost 23 so am more interested in working towards settling down in a place with her versus nightly sleepovers with a friend. How about criteria for a spouse, if you're single? Jfc a lot, I am PICKY. What is something you do every day without fail? Go to the bathroom when I wake up. What is your typical breakfast? Cereal or a meal supplement shake. Or nothing. Is there a TV show you watch habitually? No. Where do you usually spend most of your day? In my room. Do you usually have something playing in the background when you're home? Yup, either a let's play (only background /usually/ if I've already visually watched it and I'm just revisiting) or music. Where do you usually get your groceries? Wal-Mart or Harris Teeter. What is your favorite fruit? Strawberries. How about your favorite berry? ^ Which trait in a person do you find most appealing? Compassionate. Care for more than yourself. Which trait puts you instantly off? Cockiness. Who is an actor/actress who you dislike so much you can't watch them? No one. Do you donate money to any charities? If so, which ones? I can't currently as I don't have a source of income. If you have pets, are any of them rescues from shelters? No. Have you ever had to rely on other people's charity? When we got evicted, yes. Is there a charity you absolutely never ever will trust? There are some that I know are full of shit, but nothing's coming to mind at the moment. Have you ever donated to a cause that had a person going door to door? No. Is there a book series you're currently collecting? No. Which website do you frequent the most? YouTube and KM. Do you judge people who have their phones out all the time? If so, why? Not really... It's where we are now. Technology is truly the dominant species. If your connection goes down, what do you do? Restart the router. Is there something you wish you could do online that isn't possible yet? Sure, like uh. Oh yeah lemme fucking hug YouTubers when they hug the camera and that sort'a shit. What was a website you used to frequent that doesn't exist anymore? Uhhh... I don't know about them no longer existing. Maybe this HUGE flash game site we used to go on. Do/Did you ever have your own website? For photography I do. Have you ever kissed an ex after you two have broken up? No. When was the last time you talked to your most recent ex? It's been quite a while, actually. Are you racist to any race? No. Can you break dance? No. Have you made out with anyone in the last 2 weeks? Yes. She was ready and it was the cutest shit on Earth because she'd never done so before and had no clue what to do so we were giggling uncontrollably. Literally one of the purest experiences in my life. Have you shaved your legs in the past three days? I haven't shaved my legs since like June. Have you ever been professionally waxed? How did you find it? If you haven’t, is it something you’d consider trying? Eyebrows, yeah. It's a better way than plucking. What do you think of very cheap airlines, such as Ryanair? Would you fly with them or would you rather pay more for better service? Biiiitch no, I wanna feel safe. Does your mom like the last person you kissed? She loves her. Is there a secret you've never told your parents? Yes. Who last gave you their number? Uhhhh good question. Honestly, are you afraid to die? I mean I sure don't want to yet, but I'm not especially *afraid* of it. Have you ever had an ice cream cake for your birthday? No, not a big fan. Did you get a car the minute you turned sixteen? Lol I still don't have one. What do you want to major in? Zoology. When was the last time you kissed someone who was younger than you? The 17th. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yeah.