#I desperately wanna visit Switzerland

[happyheidi]

Switzerland ♡

[ladylooch]

YES OK GOOD so for the Nico request it could be in a public setting and possibly a set up for car sex? like maybe him and his girl were dancing a little close and it’s been a while since they’ve been intimate but the way her hips are moving against his makes him forget that they’re in public but he finishes and she’s just surprised bc she knows how this man is like can go so many rounds with her but she takes him to the car on a little ego boost and he quickly changes his demeanor to show he’s still in control.

OR

It can be a steamy makeout session once again it’s been a while since they’ve been intimate maybe his girl was on her period or they’ve been too busy etc

EITHER WAY: His girl is just so turned on by the fact that she makes this grown ass swiss man cum without touching him

A/N: This is such a hot request… like I’m panting. And shaking… and sweating. I went full slut for you, babe! 😏 I pretend like I’m so proud of that, like I wasn’t muttering “I need Jesus” while writing this in public. Send holy water.

Word Count: 1.7k

Shake That by Eminem and Nate Dogg has the guests of this Swiss wedding pumped up. All of Nico’s friends are jumping up and down, hands raised in the air as they rap every single word to the 2000s classic. 

Nico and I are on the dance floor too. He notoriously hates dancing at weddings, but will always do it for me because that’s who he is. He wants his people happy and will do what he can to make that happen. 

“I wanna show you what Prom is like!” I giggle, working my way around to the front of his body.  

The way she’s grinding that pole, I think I’m losing control.

I start to work my ass into Nico’s lap, grinning when he instantly thickens beneath my cheeks. I’ve done this a few times before for him and every time we end up in a car or a closet or an empty hallway with him buried inside of me.

I’m desperate for him tonight.

I love visiting Nico’s family in Switzerland. They are so gracious and supportive of us. But we stay with his parents and Nico Hischier’s one flaw is he won’t fuck me in his parent’s house. He feels it is disrespectful. So it’s been weeks since I’ve had him. When we first got here, we snuck away to the bathroom at his training facility for a quickie that was not nearly enough. This weekend, we are staying in a luxurious hotel closer to the wedding than his home town. Those sheets are going to be a dichotomy later- so soft while Nico roughly rails me.

Nico’s hand drifts to my hips to gather the fabric of my dress. I have a pouffier skirt that provides a curtain along his lap to hide his large erection tenting his black pants.

“Mmm. Feels so good.” He sounds buzzed. 

Look at this lady all in front of me, sexy as can be. Tonight I want a slut. Would you be mine?

His forehead comes to my shoulder, focusing in on the movement of my body against his. I can feel his cock pulse as the tempo of the song picks up a bit more. The air is getting hot between us. Sweat beads along my scalp and threatens to roll down my neck. I lift my hair to help, but Nico’s lips assault my skin immediately. He’s leaving tiny bite marks along my neck, making me ache.

Nico works my hips deeper into his hard cock. He’s perched perfectly between my thighs now. I can feel his breath getting hotter and faster on my neck. I lay back against his shoulder, wrapping an arm around his neck and increasing the tempo for us both. Nico moans into my ear, biting at my lobe. I turn, placing a kiss against the underside of his jaw. He works his face around to capture my lips in his. When I force my tongue into his mouth, I can feel him cum. I pause my movements. Nico gropes me back into him and bucks his hips up as he finishes.

“Fuck.” He whines into my mouth.

My skin is on fire.

My folds are soaked at the realization that I made him cum by grinding into his dick.

This man, who can go three, sometimes four, rounds a night, exploded in his pants because he couldn’t hold it back. I’ve died and gone to heaven. 

I feel my pussy clench and wish there was a way to slide his hand into me right there to finish me off too.

“Babe. That is so fucking sexy.” I whisper, turning and pressing my front to him. “I wanna come too.” I’m worried he might be embarrassed, but his eyes are wild and chaotic. I’ve never seen Nico this way. 

“Okay. Let’s go to the car.” He puts his hands on my hips, spinning me so I walk in front of him. He grabs some cocktail napkins from the bar as we leave, presumably to clean himself up. I’ve got a better idea though. “God, your ass is just unreal tonight.” He lifts my skirt to slap it bare as we walk out of the venue. “Wanna grab those cheeks while you’re riding me.”

“Please.” I moan. He reaches around, sliding his hand through my slit now that we are alone in the parking lot. The friction of us walking and his fingers is enough for me to grunt in appreciation. 

“You’re soaked for me.” 

Nico opens the door to the backseat, forcing me in. I slide all the way over, then attach myself to his face when he closes the door. My hands are on his belt, tugging at the enclosure. I whine when I can’t get it all the way off. Nico chuckles at my desperation. Funny, considering he’s the one that came in his pants. He pushes his pants down, exposing his softening cock. It’s sticky from his cum and I want to taste it. The saltiness coats my tongue as I pull him in.

I take my time, licking along every inch of his skin, taking his seed off of him and into my mouth. Nico licks his lips above me, swallowing loudly as I run my tongue along his balls. He is getting erect again, balls tightening up against his hard shaft. I pull one into my mouth, rolling my tongue along it as he groans. 

“Scheiße, Baby” He whispers in German. He only slips into his native tongue with me when he’s really turned on. I surprise him by taking him fully to the back of my throat in one stroke.

“Oh my god, babe.” He moans. “Fuck, just like that.” I bob up and down his hard length, moaning when he reaches back to play with my wet folds. He stuffs a finger into me, fingering my pussy as I take him deep into the back of my throat. He’s hard again. My hand strokes at the part of him I can’t fit fully into my mouth. He gathers my hair, forcing me to do three deeper strokes before he lets me off. My eyes tear up. He strokes my cheeks, bringing my face to his, kissing my mouth roughly. His thumb plays with my bottom lip as I work my way to straddle him

“Look at this view.” He mumbles as I move. “You got first round.” He slaps my ass hard as I start to settle. 

I’m thankful I decided on the short cocktail dress instead of the longer dress I brought with. I hike it up around my hips as Nico steadies himself at my entrance. I rock my hips back into him. We both groan loudly. I bounce wildly immediately, using him to get myself to where I need to go like he did earlier. His hands act as a guide, but he doesn’t hold me at all. He watches with sexy eyes, tight dimples in his cheeks, as I force myself up and down. I rake my hand through my hair as I ride him, feeling like a sex goddess with how he watches every flicker of pleasure on my face.

“You fuck me so good.” He whispers as the sounds of us connecting fills the car. “My sexy girlfriend that makes me cum from her perfect ass on the dance floor.”

“Neeks.” I moan. He’s so sexy right now with his dirty talk and his lips on my chest and the way he pulls away to watch me every few kisses because he can’t get enough of me riding him.

“Be good and cum for me so I can take over.” I place a hand on his shoulders for leverage bucking my hips into his as fast and consistently as I can. My other hand comes to rub my clit in large circles, digging in to find just the right pressure that puts me over the edge. My breasts squeeze together. He pulls the cup down to suck on my nipple. I widen my hips to take him as deep as possible, whining that its barely enough. His other hand comes up, pinching my other nipple. There it is. Nico coos sweet words to me as I cum, squeezing his cock enough that his voice shakes. 

Once I’ve relaxed, his hands finally rest on my hips, then move back to my ass cheeks. He takes over, beating forcefully into me. He pulls me up a bit more so he can pound in and out further. His balls slap at my ass, filling the car with clapping sounds that drown out our moans. The car begins to shake beneath our force. I arch my back, bringing my hand down to cup his balls. I roll them over in my hand, the other braced on the ceiling for grounding. 

“Nico. More.” I beg. When he hits the next level, I moan his name again. “Yes. Yes… Keep doing that. Oh… MY… God…..” The last word is a high pitched squeak that drenches him beneath me. His second orgasm shudders deep inside of me, filling me with hot cum that seeps out with his last few thrusts into me. I stay arched like that, holding the ceiling with a firm grip on Nico’s balls like I’ve been frozen in place. I’m still convulsing around him, needy little flutters that have Nico rocking our hips together a few more times. 

“You have never come that hard.” He chuckles against the red skin of my breasts. He buries his nose there, then trails kisses along the swells. My nipples pucker against the dress in response. 

Eventually, I stop arching, sitting with Nico softening inside of me. 

“I love weddings with you.” I sigh. This isn’t the first time we’ve spent a wedding reception in the parking lot. Hopefully not the last either.

“Me too. If we time this post sex snuggling right, it will probably be cake time.” I can’t help but laugh. Nico can’t have sex and not cuddle.

“Mmmm, can I feed yours to you?” I’m coy as I kiss along his lips, teasing the corners with my tongue. 

“You can do fucking anything to me, baby.”

“Good. I’ve got a couple more things in mind later.” 

[c2-eh]

Which country that you haven't visited yet you want to visit and why?

italy. i desperately need to try the food and italy looks sooo pretty. idk i've always wanted to visit it, so it's at the top of my list. hopefully soon

spain. duh ofc. warm, pretty, best people. sign me the f up. and i wanna meet with my wife finally :((

switzerland. speaks for itself. the nature??? SO beautiful i wanna see with my own eyes.

monaco. i wanna feel rich for couple days. also meet charles leclerc you know how it goes.

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[parkerpeter24]

Better Half Of Me ~ Tom Holland 💕

Part-2 of the Eight Days Of Valentine series

Warnings: fluff and all nice things.

You sipped on the wine feeling the night breeze passing through your hair. The view was blissful but what completed it was your boyfriend, Tom. He sat in front of you with a carefree smile on his face. It was his idea to come here, to take a trip to the city of love. Both of you wanted to celebrate your ten year anniversary somewhere special. Not only your love but your friendship was now ten years old.

Tom entered the room with a world map in his hand. You looked at him staring at the map intently, "What're you doing?" You asked.

"What all places have we visited?" He asked as he sat down beside you, spreading the map on the table, he looked into your eyes that held the question, 'why'. He knew you'd ask, "Come on, (y/n). Just tell me."

"Okay, let me see..." You trailed off, "We've visited New York, Canada, Germany, Brazil and London of course." You listed.

"Where do you think we should go for our 10 year anniversary?" He questioned.

"We've never visited India, or Switzerland, or-" You started stacking up names of places before Tom cut you off mid-sentence.

"Paris." He let out, "We've never been to Paris together, I can't believe it!"

"Are you cold?" Tom asked bringing you back to reality.

"Yeah, a little." You replied, running your hands up and down your arms.

"Here, you can have my-" He started taking off his jacket but stopped when he felt the outline of the small box in one of the pockets of his jacket, "Oh no, you can't. Because, um, I'm cold too." He nodded, approving his answer even though you didn't buy it.

"So, what now?" You asked. This has been the best day in the twenty two years of life.

"Now we go to the top." He replied, making you smile as you eyed the Eiffel tower from below.

You walked beside him, hand in hand while talking about a memory that popped into your head, "Do you remember the time we were in college and you were jealous of a middle school boy?" You laughed and he couldn't but roll his eyes.

"How could I forget that?" He replied, sarcasm coating his voice, "That's a thing I never wanna forget." You laughed and this time he laughed with you.

"That's the first time you told me that you love me." You said looking into his eyes and he smiled, breathtakingly, leaned down and pressed a soft kiss against your lips.

"Tom, he's just a kid!" You stated, "It's not like I'm gonna leave you for him, that's ridiculous!"

Tom sighed. He knew this conversation would go nowhere and it was ridiculous of him to be jealous of the kid but it was like he was stuck to you and you were so oblivious to it.

You had missed two dates because of that kid and Tom knew that you were very sorry even though it wasn't your fault. It was that brat who would make faces at him when you weren't looking.

"I know, okay. I know that he's a kid and all that shit but do you realise what he's trying to do?!" He asked in a breathy tone, "He's not worth all the attention you're giving him!"

"Oh my god, Thomas! You are jealous! Of a small boy?!" You laughed.

"Hey! I'm not jealous, and you take that back!" He demanded.

"What would you do if I don't?" You smirked while cocking an eyebrow at him, "And don't you think of telling Jake that I have a crush on him."

"I wasn't thinking of that anyway." He was exactly thinking that. He wondered how you got to know that, "I'm, um, I'm gonna tell your mom that you broke her favourite crockery!" He countered.

You gasped, "Oh, you didn't just say that!" He sighed, finally plopping down to your bed and rubbing his face with his hands, a thing that he did when he was frustrated.

You knew it was enough and that this would lead to nowhere. You walked to your bed standing in front of him. He wrapped his arms around your waist and placed his head on your tummy, "Why were we fighting, again?" He asked, making you giggle.

"God knows." You replied. He hummed and snuggled closer to you as you rubbed your hand up and down his back gently. "Seriously Tom, you don't need to worry about that guy taking me away from you." You finished, not stopping the giggle that eloped your throat.

"I know. And I'm sorry, really. It's just that I love you so much and-" He couldn't finish before you coughed.

"Y-you love me?" You asked as you parted to look into his eyes.

"I do."

"God I hated that kid." He breathed out, "What was his name again?" You laughed at his comment.

"I don't even remember. Jade or something?" You shrugged. Finally as you reached the top of the tower and walked forward, Tom made sure that the box was still secure in his pocket.

You were mesmerised by the view and the city looked even lovelier from up there. How many times you've come there as a kid or as a teenager, you couldn't get enough of this. "I can't believe that we never came here together." You said, mesmerised by this view. You heard him hum behind you and turned around, "Honestly, this day couldn't get any-"

You stopped mid-sentence as a gasp escaped past your lips. There was your beloved boyfriend, over the Eiffel tower, in front of you, bending on one knee. You couldn't help the tears that formed in your eyes and placed a hand over your mouth.

"(Y/n) (y/l/n)." He started as he took a deep breath, staring into your eyes, "You are my life, and I'm sure that only you'll be the death of me. I want to spend my whole life with you. So tell me, would you be the better half of me and make me the happiest man in this universe?" He asked, a tint of desperation in his voice.

The tears of joy finally fell onto your face and you nodded. "Yes." You whispered and soon, Tom was on his feet again wiping the tears from your face, he placed the ring on your ring finger.

He smiled, extending his hand towards you, "Have this dance with me?" He asked and you smiled.

"But the mus-?" You were cut off by a soft music playing in the background. Tom chuckled along with you as you placed your hand in his and danced under the soft moonlight.

And everything was perfect when your ear was against his chest, his heartbeat telling you how much he loved you. That day finally, you found your better half.

Taglist:

@spideyyeet @screamholland @overly-obsessed @venusparker @clqudsparker @abunchofsemicoherentwords @spider-manholland @justanotherfanfic @spidey-swift @greatpizzascissorstaco @angelhaz11 @tomhollanddaily @peterparkersshitlist @hollandroos @peterparkerdaily @parkerpete @farfromhaz @afictionaladventure16 @fairytaleparker @parkerpter @peterparkerstingle @parkerpunology @dazzling-rubabe @parkerpuff @eeyore101247 @preciouspparkers @missbasicxxx @plushparker @spideyboipeter @spideyboipete @cucumberfingers @hollandraul @dahliaspidey @itstomhollands @the-crazy-fanfictionist @properweirdparker @ppkrtingle @drunklili @cherryredparker @hollandharrison @angelic-holland @lauras-collection @dear-selena @rubberducky-jrr @audreylovespidey706 @starsholland @blueberryison @tomhollandeu @tom-holland-is-spiderman

[cromulentbookreview]

Spurlos Verschwunden

You know how you read an article online about scientists trying to find a ways to open portals to other worlds/parallel universes/the Upside Down/etc. and you immediately think: haven’t these scientists ever seen any movie or TV show ever made? They know that’s going to end badly, right? Right??

And by that, I mean: Before I Disappear by Danielle Stinson!

Seventeen-year-old Rose Montgomery, her mom Helen and her little brother Charlie have been living on the run for a long time. Rose and Charlie’s father disappeared when Charlie was still a baby and after that, things fell apart. Helen became depressed, and entered into a relationship with an abusive piece of shit referred to only as the Monster. Rose, Helen and Charlie fled the Monster, but he kept pursuing them farther and farther West. At the beginning of the novel, the Montgomerys are lying low in Nevada when Charlie, who has always been a bit strange, insists that the family move West to Fort Glory, Oregon for reasons Rose doesn’t quite understand. When she sees that the charity Hands for Hearths (a definite Habitat for Humanity expy) has an affiliate office in Fort Glory, she decides to go for it. All Rose wants for her family is a permanent home - someplace better than the ramshackle trailer in which they crossed the country. Hands for Hearths is her best hope.

Fort Glory isn’t just your average town on the Oregon Coast - it’s the site of DARC, the Deep Atomic Research Collider, Oregon’s answer to the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland. The facility had been shut down, until three weeks ago when it was brought back online...at practically the same moment Charlie started telling Rose that they needed to move to Fort Glory. Spoooooky....

While the Montgomerys adjust to life in Fort Glory, including the influx of tourists, journalists and conspiracy theorists drawn in by DARC, weird things start happening in the town. Crime rises. People randomly go crazy. Rumors are that the DARC is messing with things it shouldn’t be messing with, like poking holes into other dimensions. Because it worked so well on Stranger Things.

Rose just shrugs all this weirdness off - she has bigger problems, like earning a paycheck, helping her family get a house, keeping their ancient truck running and making sure there’s enough food to eat. Charlie, who is clearly some sort of Kid Hero capable of seeing things most other people can’t, tries repeatedly to warn Rose that something bad is about to happen, but, again, she just brushes it off. Rose drives to the nearby town of Maple to the Hands for Hearths office when the whole world goes crazy. The sky turns green, people start attacking each other, even Labrador retrievers turn against their humans! (You know things are truly bad when a Labrador retriever turns against you).

So Rose heads back to Fort Glory as she can as fast  only to find that the road literally stops just outside of town. There’s nothing beyond it except old growth forest.

The whole town is gone, along with everyone in it.

Rose, desperate to find her mom and Charlie, runs into the woods. After some shenanigans, she feels this weird tugging...suddenly she’s yanked sideways into a place known as the Fold. The Fold looks like the woods around Fort Glory, but something is wrong. Really, really wrong. Rose quickly teams up with four other teens who have found themselves stuck in the Fold - including the hunky ex-con Ian, whose dark past has made him an outcast in Fort Glory, but as Rose gets to know him, he really doesn’t seem so bad...plus it’s nice to not be alone in the Fold, where the laws of physics don’t apply and your inner demons can physically hurt you. But wormholes and darkness monsters be damned, Rose is going to find Charlie, damn it!

Oh, and her mom. Her, too. It’s not like she forgot her mom was missing, too...

Before I Disappear is a quick, exciting read - it’s also a standalone, which, having read nothing but the first of serieses for a long while, is very refreshing. I love the setting - as a native Oregonian, I am a sucker for stories set in my beloved, bizarre home state. The fictional town of Fort Glory, Oregon seems to be a mix of Fort Clatsop, Fort Stevens and, possibly, Fort Vancouver - you know, all those weird forts they had on the Pacific coast (except Fort Vancouver, which is way down on the Columbia, but the Columbia is how you get down to the coast in a boat so...). All wee little Oregonian children - or, at least, those of us who live west of the Cascades - are forced at some point to go to Fort Clatsop, as it was where Lewis and Clark hung out once they reached the Pacific. I distinctly remember being made to visit Fort Vancouver, too, even though it’s in *shudder* Washington. Fort Glory could also be any of those teeny little coastal towns they have up and down the coast, like Cannon Beach or Seaside or Tillamook or Garibaldi or Nehalem or Manzanita or Netarts or Yachats or Depoe Bay or Newport...ok I should stop because now I’m just naming towns I’ve been to (they’re all very nice. Well, except Newport.The aquarium is cool, but the rest of the town can get sucked into a wormhole for all I care). 

Needless to say, I am familiar with the Oregon Coast, it’s where Oregonians go when the sun comes out. (Well, when the sun comes out in the rest of the state. On the coast, the sun only comes out three days a year and it’s always on the days when you aren’t there). So I can speak with some authority when I say the Oregon Coast would be a terrible place to build a fancy underground atomic energy research facility-type thing. I mean, there’s the risk of tsunamis, earthquakes, lingering radiation from the Fukushima Daiichi Power plant Disaster of 2011...

See, this is why we shouldn’t have research facilities dedicated to punching holes into other dimensions situated on the Oregon Coast. Especially not right on top of a town. Put that shit out in the desert where if you poke a hole and let in a Demogorgon or a Darkness Monster, there’s not much around for it to eat. Except desert.

Also, I’m fairly certain any contact with other dimensions will go something like this:

But back to the book: character-wise, the one character we get to know best is Rose, which makes sense as the novel is written from her first-person perspective. Unfortunately, we don’t get to know the side characters as well - Blaine, Becca, and Jeremy aren’t nearly as well-developed. Charlie, aside from being a mysterious child who can see into other dimensions, doesn’t have much of a personality. He’s just an odd kid and Rose absolutely adores him. Rose’s mom falls by the wayside entirely - most of the novel has Rose laser-focused on finding Charlie, while her mom is a bit of an afterthought. But, again, that’s the limitation of the first-person perspective. Aside from Rose, the most developed character is Ian, who apparently has starburst eyes.

Both he and Rose are on the run from their pasts, and being in the Fold is forcing them to confront some pretty harsh truths about themselves and their lives.

My biggest complaint concerning Before I Disappear would be the ending. The story just ends. I would’ve loved a denouement or an epilogue or something where we could see what happens to the characters after the end of the main action...but instead we get action action action action end. So many stories end that way, I wanna know what people get up to when they get home after the adventure, damn it! I’m guessing lots of people, as soon as the adventure is over, just go home, shower, stuff food into their faces and then sleep for the next three straight days. Or maybe go to a hospital. Or immediately get arrested, like in Keanu. Either way, I wish we could’ve gotten more than just “hey it’s over!”

RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone just fresh off a binge of season 3 of Stranger Things and are desperate for another cool inter-dimensional teen drama involving mysterious research facilities, wormholes and disappearing towns. Also fans of YA genre stories and Oregonians.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: non-YA fans, anyone currently living on the Oregon Coast, scientists currently working at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland.

RATING: 3.99/5 (0.1 point removed for the abrupt ending. I wanted more! *cries*)

RELEASE DATE: July 23, 2019 (Ha! I got this review done on time!!)

THE GORGEOUS OREGON COAST:

FOR ANYONE CONFUSED ABOUT THE TITLE OF THIS REVIEW: Learn some German.

[hanjesungs]

that i miss you

characters: gabriel vasquez, sara sufrón, gillian devoe, gavin morales, @leiaskywclker‘s andy vega, tabitha smalls, and lindsey walton, and @fcclycooly‘s clara sufrón word count: 3682 IM SORRY summary: sara surprises gabe for his birthday warnings: alcohol, but the rest is fairly innocent

Sara felt like she was going to vibrate straight out of her skin on Gabe’s birthday. It took more time than she thought it would to get Gavin to give her an exact date, his lips twisting in a fine line in a way that said he knew that Gabe wouldn’t be happy he disclosed the information to a resident. Sara knew she ought to feel a little bit guilty about getting him to tell her, but how else was she supposed to find out? It’s not that Gabe ever talked about anything but work and while she could respect that, this man needed to loosen up a little bit. And that’s where she came in. She’d spent all week convincing him to even come out for a drink, and it took him three days to get over the fact that she was trying to celebrate his birthday. And once he did it was no easy task to get him to agree to go to a bar. She didn’t even know if he drank! Not for certain at least, but everyone she knew drank so it was a good bet.

She was flitting around the bar from person to person making sure they knew the routine before Gabe arrived. Out of the three people Sara told him was going to be there, she counted between ten and fifteen. Gavin was up at the bar with the NICU nurse, Lindsey, trying to lay on a thick cover of charm and alcohol, she was sure. Poor girl sipped her drink in relative silence when she shot desperate looks at Sara’s sister, Clara, who only offered a shrug in response. Andy and Tabitha were sitting at a table nearby, nursing their drinks as they chatted with everyone’s favorite barista, Gillian (who wasn’t actually old enough to be in there, but Sara pulled some strings with the bouncer on the agreement that she wouldn’t drink).

It felt like making rounds at the hospital when Sara finally threw herself into a chair between Tabitha and Gillian. She didn’t feel tired yet, though, and her eyes kept wandering towards the door at the front while she nursed her vodka cranberry. It was nearly nine already and while she knew from her days of endless partying, it was still early, she couldn’t help the knot of anxiety that was starting to form in her stomach. She couldn’t even begin to explain why it was there, but once she acknowledged it, it seemed to double in size.

“Earth to Sara-tonin.”

Andy’s voice snapped Sara out of her daze, and she almost visibly shook her head to clear her thoughts. This is a bad idea, she wanted to say, very uncharacteristically. Instead Sara managed a sigh before she looked at the three of them. “Unless you’re confessing your undying love, I don’t wanna hear it,” she quipped, using her free hand to mime zipping her lips shut. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Tabitha give her an exaggerated eye roll before defiantly take a sip of her own drink.

“Only if Tinkerbell says it first,” he hmphed, before slumping off to the bar to grab another drink. Tabitha visibly paled this time (if that was possible with how white she already was) and shook her head.

Gillian laughed into her clear soda, and looked between them as though she were amazed. “And here I thought the passion was reserved for muffins,” she offered, her laughter only growing when Tabitha threw her a withering look.

“Why the hell am I friends with any of you,” she grumbled, hunching further over her drink.

“Because we all know the truth, even if you’re not willing to say it,” Andy answered upon his return to the table, sliding an extra drink towards Gillian. “Try it Coffee Bean. I won’t even tattle on you.”

Sara’s phone buzzed in her back pocket, and she swore she never moved so fast to check it, relieved when Gabe’s name flashed across the screen, I’m here. “Get ready everyone,” she called over the low thrum of chatter. “He’s coming.” The noise died down slower than she would have liked, but it all worked out in the end.

When the door opened to reveal Gabe, the collar of his dark peacoat turned up against the wind, everyone chimed out in unison: “Surprise!” And he certainly looked surprised, his eyes scanning the small crowd before landing on Sara, who was already getting up from the table to go greet him.

“Happy birthday!”

“I thought you said three people.”

He shook his head and Sara let his words roll over her tongue for a second trying to make sure she heard him right since they spoke at the same time. Gabe shrugged out of his coat before waving the bartender over and ordering a whiskey sour. She hadn’t really pegged him as a whiskey man, but she supposed she hadn’t really not pegged him as a whiskey man either. It just seemed so very stereotypical of someone of his age that she almost laughed at the thought. Truthfully Sara couldn’t drink whiskey. The smell of it was enough to make her stomach do nauseating flip flops as a leftover side effect from when she partied much more frequently than she did now. 

“I’m sorry,” she admitted. Her words falling between Gabe quickly downing half of his drink before all their friends and acquaintances sauntered over to tell him happy birthday and clap him on the shoulder or offer him a friendly hug. He tossed her an inquisitive look as everyone settled back into their small circles, and in the soft light she could take in the way his hair was windswept, all pushed towards one side of his face while the melting snowflakes glistened against the flecks of gray peppered throughout his hair. Under normal circumstances, she wouldn’t notice how his eyes were so dark his pupils and irises nearly blended together into one unreadable color. And she couldn’t comment on how his stubble was getting to a point that he had commented he openly hated, but she knew, thanks to Gavin, that he was coming off a graveyard shift cycle back to the land of the living. “I just wanted you to do something fun for your birthday,” she confessed, letting some of the real guilt she felt creep into the edges of her voice as she looked down towards her drink and stirred it around before downing the rest of it. Against her better judgement she hailed the bartender for another, and he did the same.

When she looked up, his face had softened and she felt a wave of relief wash over her as she took their drinks from the bartender and passed his over. “Sara, the last time I had a birthday party was when I turned thirty,” he said, eyes scanning the crowd. There really wasn’t more than ten people there for him, and Sara was quite proud of herself for organizing this last minute. “You don’t have to be sorry, I was just… surprised, I guess, for lack of a better word.” His light laughter made her drag her eyes back up to meet his, and honestly she was surprised to see a smile playing at the edge of his lips.

“Well,” she mused, drawing it out. “I’d hardly call this a party… But I hope you enjoy yourself tonight.” Sara found a grin spreading across her face as she pushed him forward, encouraging him to mingle and make conversation with his friends. He threw her a helpless look as Gavin waved him over to probably wingman for him, but Sara just stood there and let her grin be the answer to his question.

They spent most of the evening only getting brief chances to talk while he got pulled one way or another as the guest of honor. Sara was content when eleven thirty rolled around and people had already started to drift out of the bar, thanking Sara for inviting them and wishing Gabe one last happy birthday as he settled at the table across from her having already put several drinks down that night. She’d lost count of her own, but she wasn’t drunk yet, just blissfully tipsy, her body buzzing and tingling with all the things she could say with this kind of liquid courage. Andy and Tabitha lingered by the bar, probably bickering amongst themselves while he held her keys in a tight grasp. Gillian had called it early after barely tasting the drink that Andy bought her, claiming an early shift at the coffee shop they all loved dearly. Clara had managed to save Lindsey, having waited until Gavin left before they filed out. Clara did stop and tell Sara she’d see her at home later that night. And soon, there was no longer a birthday party at the bar and Gabe and Sara had spent an hour just talking more candidly than they had in the entire four years that she’s worked for him at the hospital. She talked about how her family moved from Puerto Rico when she was too young to remember, and how her brother and sister practically raised her. She talked about her best friend Sabine, who ran the party circuit with her in their undergrad years, Gabe’s teasing, “So you were one of those girls,” lingering in her ears. She’d puffed up, ready to argue, which seemed to be more humorous to him than just knowing she partied.

He told her about how his parents lived in Guatemala, and how he did his undergrad in Germany, earned his masters in Switzerland, and did his own residency here in New York. Gabe talked about the first time he ever tried a party drug, in some alley in Helsinki before heading into a friend of a friend of a friend’s basement concert. He talked about meeting Gavin during his residency there at New York Presbyterian, and how strange it was that he seemed to embody all the qualities of a horny teenager from an American sitcom. As the night turned into the wee hours of the morning, he even admitted to Sara about his ex, and how he thought he might marry her, and how he found out that she cheated on him. His laughter was more subdued when she countered, “So you were one of those boys.”

They continued to talk, swapping embarrassing childhood stories back and forth long after Tabitha conceded to whatever point Andy was trying to make and left the bar. Gabe was still telling her about how he didn’t get around to visiting his parents nearly as much as he’d like when the bartender called last call. And Sara admitted that she couldn’t even remember her father’s face as they ventured outside into the cold, turning their collars up at the lingering snowfall that threatened to cover the sidewalks with slush. 

After a few beats of silence, Gabe looked down at Sara and tilted his head to the side, as if asking himself a question that she wouldn’t be privy to. “Let me walk you home,” he offered.

She chewed on the inside of her lip for a moment, thinking about Clara sleeping, curled tightly in a ball on the couch of her tiny apartment that they shared for now across the bridge. “It’s not close,” she finally laughed, looking past him to try to find a taxi.

He followed her gaze and when a taxi didn’t magically appear, he dipped his head to try to save his neck against the wind. “I live close,” he started, shoving his hands deep in the pockets of his coat. “I can call you a car and you can wait inside, away from the cold, if you want.”

“Are you asking me for a nightcap, Dr. Vasquez?”

His soft laughter filled the space between them as he looked down and shuffled his feet around. If she hadn’t been studying the planes of his face in the streetlight, Sara wouldn’t have noticed the flush creep up around his cheeks. “Yeah,” he relinquished. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

“Well, how can a girl say no to that.” 

He stole a glance at her, the slightly tipsy smirk plastered across her lips before he shook his head and set off in the direction of what she guessed was his home. Sara fell into stride just behind him easily, a comfortable silence falling over them for once that night. She took that moment to study him while he wasn’t offering to look at her. She wouldn’t normally make a mental note about how his coat sat perfectly on his shoulders like it was tailored for him. And until then she hadn’t even noticed he was still wearing the slacks that looked like they were sewn just for his body. She might have felt a little guilty for wondering was was underneath, but then he stopped and glanced back at her. Sara hurriedly snapped her gaze back up to meet his dark and inscrutable eyes. She followed the line of his now extended arm as he held open the gate for her.

Her eyes followed the line of the stoop up the side of the very plain brick building, before the laughter bubbled up and out of her throat. “I should have guessed that you live in a brownstone on the Upper West Side.” She supposed it might have been the alcohol, but she kept giggling while he unlocked the door and pushed inside, turning a hallway light on and shedding his coat and shoes. Sara followed suit, albeit slower, as she drank in the sight of Gabe’s home. The stairs were off to the right as the honey colored hardwood stretched off into eternity, which in this case culminated in the faint glow of moonlight dancing across what looked like a tile floor at the end of the hallway. The walls were painted an inviting dove-gray and were complimented by the cool tones in the Persian runner that muffled the sounds of his footfalls as he beckoned her forward.

Gabe hovered in the hallway for a moment before pressing on into eternity. “Do you like beer?”

It was strange, Sara noted, how heavy his eyes on her face felt, when at the bar it had been weightless. It was strange how the whir of his fridge in the corner of what looked like a kitchen straight off of HGTV was the only noise buffering the silence that had risen up between them since she hadn’t answered his question. “Yes,” she finally answered. She hadn’t had a beer in a handful of years, but it had been a go to in her party days.

When he moved away from her, Sara ran her fingertips over the cool marbled surface of the island she was standing next to. She looked up and watched as he fished out two bottles of imported beer she couldn’t pronounce the names of, the drinks sloshing around in their brown bottles as he fished around in a nearby drawer until he pulled out a bottle opener and popped the tops off of them. He passed her one as he walked back around the island and settled against the side of the counter next to where she now leaned one hip on the marble. 

“Why does it feel like you picked your home out of a magazine?”

He let out a low laugh as he threw back a swig of the beer, seemingly turning introspective before he looked at her sheepishly. “I bought it turn-key,” he confessed, his words hanging in the air for a moment before he looked between Sara and her untouched beer. 

After another silence fell between them and Gabe kept looking at her expectantly, Sara finally sat her beer off to the side and pushed a hand through her hair. When she spoke, her voice was subdued, “Why doesn’t this feel real right now?” Truthfully, she’d really meant to keep that to her inner monologue, but when Gabe sat his own beer off to the side and turned to face her, Sara’s pulsed jumped up to her throat and she couldn’t really explain why. 

“I could… pinch you,” he teased, reaching out with his thumb and index finger, “to see if you’re dreaming, of course.”

She laughed, turning her body to splay her palms flat on the counter behind her before hoisting herself up to sit with her legs dangling over the edge. “Of course,” she intoned.

Gabe’s hip pressed up against the side of Sara’s knee and if he realized, he didn’t show any inclination to move away immediately. Instead, he reached for his beer again, taking another large swig, and somehow ending up standing in front her knees, only a short breath of distance between them. In the dimmed light from the hallway, Sara studied the edge of his chin, and the stubble that shadowed his face. She studied the way his bottom lip went from one end of his mouth to the other in a soft curve, and how his breath spilled out in short burst when he noticed where she was looking. She memorized the way his eyes continued to swirl in the darkness as he watched her, until she could no longer see a difference between his pupils and irises. And Sara had never been shy, but now she hesitated, her eyes flitting between his lips and his own eyes, that were staring back at her.

She never considered her religious, but in a sharp inhale, she thought to herself, God, please don’t get me fired, before she steeled her resolve. Or drug up the rest of her liquid courage (who knows which at this point). In one fluid motion, she straightened up so they were at eye level now, grabbed two fistfuls of his button up shirt, and let her eyes fall shut as his lips found hers in the dark. She could tell she surprised him, at first, because he was rigid. And she thought, oh, here I’ve done it, in the split second before he relaxed into her, one kiss turning into two, into three, turning into a string of soft pecks before Gabe let his hands rest on the counter on either side of her waist. She let one hand wander up the starched fabric of his shirt to cup the side of his face as their kiss depened and she pulled him closer to her body. One of his hands shifted to the hem of her top, his fingers dancing around the skin above the waistband of her jeans before he wrapped his hand around the curve of her waist, fingers just shy of digging in until they weren’t. 

He pulled away from her then, his breath coming in airy pants as he licked his lips, already shiny from their transgressions. “I can’t,” he murmured, his hand pulling out from under her shirt and resting on the fabric above. He didn’t make any move to walk away, or excuse himself from between her legs and she wondered, as her heart continued to beat wildly in the cage of her chest, if she misread the signs she thought he was giving her in between the vodka cranberries and easy laughter. When his breathing returned to a somewhat normal rate, he shook his head that was still hanging so she couldn’t read his features. “I can’t,” he reiterated. “Not like this.”

“I’m--”

“Please,” he puffed, “don’t apologize.”

She snapped her mouth shut and withdrew her arms from him, thinking about how ironic it was that where he’d touched her only moments before felt cold. When he didn’t say anything else immediately, Sara squirmed uncomfortably there on the counter. “Did I--” Clearing her throat and crossing her arms defensively across her chest, she continued, “I got the vibe the last half of the night that this is what you wanted…” Her tone was guarded, but she internally cursed herself when he stepped away from her, to lean against the opposite counter, his beer having suddenly appeared in his hand.

Silence.

He finished off the bottle in a single swig before setting it down in the large sink behind him while he used the silence to study the features of her face. What he hoped to find, she couldn’t discern. Sara let her brows knit together the longer he stayed quiet, her anxiety from earlier in the evening making a dramatic comeback as it dawned on her why she cared in the first place if he even had wanted to kiss her. She liked him. Sara Sufrón was harboring a crush on her boss that was less than innocent, and he pulled away from kissing her. What a slap in the face.

She slid off the counter and tried to make her way back to the front door, but Gabe’s hand on her arm immobilized her. She tried, “I should go--”

“I’m sorry.”

She crossed her arms back over her chest and shifted her weight to her other foot so that he would drop his arm. He didn’t offer to speak up immediately, the silence again greeting them like a lover while she watched his eyes drift lazily from the top of her head, to the curve of her shoulder. “Okay, I’ll bite. What for?”

He stepped forward enough so that she was forced to look up at him. He wasn’t that much taller than her, the only thing separating them was a good pair of heels, but now she felt small and exposed. Gabe reached up, his hand hovering beside her face as he hesitated, his eyes staring holes into hers. She shifted her weight again before shoving her anxiety into the furthest depths of her gut and leaning into his hand. It was warm as he moved it up and through her hair, finding home at the nape of her neck where he gathered up a loose fistful of hair. “For this,” he murmured, just before he kissed her again. And again.

[moonandstarsabove]

ch.1 - it’s the 4th of july!

ao3, the walking dead, darylxoc, multi-chapter

this story contains:

multicultural POC lgbt+ characters awareness of mental illness realistic family dynamics slow build romance important and valid platonic relationships mythology themes

the cast consists of:

Kat Graham Amandla Stenberg Jaden Smith Lana Parrilla Idris Elba

oOo

Everything inside Diana screamed at her to run. They had to run, there was no other way they would survive. They had to escape. The others were behind them, and they were relentless, fueled by the endless hunger that characterized them. She could hear them; their throaty screeches and feet thumping the ground like war drums.

They were slow, whereas she and her family were not, but they also never tired or ran out of breath, and that gave them the advantage.

Diana was falling behind. Her parents, brother, and sister were only backs in the distance, disappearing behind thick trees with every stride.

No matter how fast she ran or how much her legs pumped to propel her forward, the distance didn't diminish – she was running in place as if waist deep in quicksand.

She opened her mouth to call out to them and water poured in, origin unknown, torrents rushing into her mouth and nose, down her throat, and sloshing heavily in her lungs.

She was drowning.

The pressure in her chest became unbearable like she was about to burst open like an overripe fruit. Panic held her heart in a beastly grip and she felt like death. Surely that had to be how death felt like.

Her eyes rolled backward as tears of fear swelled in them, and then the tears were indistinguishable from the water drowning her. Oxygen deprived, Diana clawed weakly at her throat, desperate for relief, and felt her short fingernails tear through the skin and flesh, reaching the rings of her trachea.

This was impossible, she should be feeling pain.

Nothing made any sense.

How and why was this happening? Who was chasing them? Why were they running?

Before she could form another thought, she was tackled from behind, her legs finally giving under her, and she slipped into the sweet bliss of oblivion.

oOo

Diana woke up with a gasp and took hungry gulps of air, her hands shot to her throat, yanking at the collar of her shirt to loosen it; it felt more restraining than it ever should have.

Once she regained her breath and reassured herself of her surroundings and safety, she stared at the top of the tent with cinnamon brown eyes wide open. She was safe, she was safe.

"Merda, that was fucking scary,” she whispered, trembling and feeling weightless as she rode down the adrenaline high from the nightmare. It wasn’t uncommon for one to dream of their worst fears; drowning being one of Diana’s.

She wiped her sweaty forehead with the back of her hand and kicked herself out of her sleeping bag, appreciating the air against her flushed skin.

Sleepy mumblings to her right had her turning to face Alice, her younger sister; she found the girl glaring at her. The early morning sunlight filtering through the cloth walls of the tent made the teen's half-closed hazel-green eyes shine like gems.

"Da fuck you on ‘bout s’early in d’mornin’?" she asked in a nearly unintelligible mumble, thick eyebrows furrowed profusely; an expression familiar to her face. "Imma fight you and your mom."

"My mom’s your mom, smartass." Diana grinned, but her smile turned grim. "I- uh, had a weird-ass dream, wanna hear about it?"

Maybe talking about it would make it better. Maybe Alice would laugh about it and call her a ‘fucking idiot’ like she usually did and leave her feeling pretty silly for being scared about something so stupid. - Diana rubbed over her throat, feeling the skin intact, but the pulse still unsettled. - It would be preferable to the lingering physical and mental discomfort the dream had left in her.

To her disappointment, Alice groaned and aggressively turned herself around and away from Diana.

"Come ooon, I always listen to you when you tell me about yours," Diana whined, hoping it didn't sound desperate and shook her sister's shoulder. In response, she got a kick to the shin, softened to a thump by the sleeping bag, and the familiar flip of Alice's middle finger over the girl’s shoulder.

“Lemme sleep! I was dreamin’ ‘bout Lance and you ruin’d it!”

Fine, whatever; nightmares were just dreams, and dreams were not real, no matter how realistic they felt. She was sure she’d forget about it soon, as it was with dreams. By the end of the day, she would know no more of water-filled lungs nor blood-slickened hands.

Diana swatted Alice's finger away and turned to her other side, to her and Alice’s little brother, the youngest of the three but also the tallest: an astounding 6ft of lean and sinewy teenage boy.

Unlike Alice's curly afro, Felix had taken to style his hair in locs, which he usually bound at the crown of his head; they were loose now, spilling around his head like a spiky halo.

He was curled into a tight ball inside his bag. The movement behind his eyelids told her he was already awake so she teasingly pulled on one of his locs to bring his attention to her and in retribution received a nondescript punch to the stomach, which she scoffed and smirked at.

"Ay, what is up with you two and violence? I’m like a punching bag over here."

"It’s ‘cause you’re so annoying. Don't touch the hair," Felix mumbled before curling up tighter into himself and continuing to pretend to sleep, "and shut up," he added and covered his head until only his nose was visible.

Diana shook her head at his antics, far too used to it to feel insulted.

She leaned over him on her elbow and whispered to where his covered ear would be, "Happy birthday, you big grumpy wumpy baby."

He shuffled inside his sleeping bag in response, shoving her away. A muffled reply of ‘piss off’ soon followed.

oOo

It was an understatement to say Diana was disappointed with the day’s begin.

Rummaging around in her bag for any device that showed the time (her smartphone had run out of juice two weeks ago), she found a wristwatch she never got around to wear and widened her eyes at the pointers showing 5:30-ish.

Okay, she’d been used to waking up around this time for school, but she was on vacation now, and she’d missed out on perfectly good sleeping time because of a pointless nightmare that was nothing more than vague recollections. She called bullshit.

She tried going back to sleep, she really did... But the damned sunlight always painted her eyelids red, no matter where she turned and how she positioned herself. And then there were the birds singing their chipper morning songs, waking up the entire forest.

She needed perfect darkness and silence to fall asleep, and it just wasn’t happening. She envied her siblings, who had fallen back asleep so quickly, undisturbed by anything around them.

When she completely gave up, the wristwatch read 6:55, and she thought that was a good time as any to finally get up.

Quietly, as to not wake Alice and Felix back up, Diana traded her sleeping shirt and shorts for the clothes from the day before – a tank top under a red plaid shirt and knee-length jean shorts, which showcased the stubs of her leg hair slowly growing back, luckily almost unnoticed against her brown skin. She tamed the waves of her dark hair into a messy ponytail and grimaced at the wet baby hairs at the back of her neck; the aftermath of humid summer weather and an agitated night in an enclosed tent.

She stepped into her running shoes and zipped open the tent-flap. The air that rushed in was less stale in comparison and Diana inhaled deeply before sighing, loving the dry earthy scent.

She let the flap open so her siblings could also profit from it, put her hands on her hips, and turned her face up to the tree canopy with closed eyes.

A refreshing breeze rustled the foliage above, Diana heard birdcalls and summer insects starting their daily buzz from all directions. The air smelled of dirt and leaves and yesterday’s fire, the embers of which had glowed deep into the night.

She might miss having Wi-Fi and general modern commodities, but this closeness to nature was something she'd never experienced before and it was...new, and good, very good. If not a little tiring, especially when you've been at it for fourteen long days.

She took another deep breath and got to her morning routine. Their toilet paper was long gone, so they had a little plastic bag with usable leaves as substitute pinned down with a rock next to their ‘toilet tree’ – her dad had to teach them the difference between which greens were good to go and which would cause them to wiggle in their seat for days.

The water they had was strictly for drinking and cooking, so she wiped her hands and face with a secret reserve of wet wipes she kept for herself in her messenger bag; so she was a bit selfish, fight her.

Diana sat down at the fire pit of the isolated little camping site and brought out of her bag a book titled "The Passage", which she had bought at the airport on the day they’d arrived; her first purchase on American soil.

She had initially been attracted to the iridescent beauty of the cover, but now, sitting on the carved sitting log and rapturously reading her way through the final hundred pages, she found it was actually quite good; not that she had very high standards regarding books, to begin with.

The whole purpose of the trip had been to come visit Aunt Cátia and her family, who lived in Atlanta, Georgia.

Cátia was her mother's little sister and Diana’s Godmother. She'd gone to live in the States five years prior, about the same time Diana and her siblings had joined their parents in Switzerland.

They'd only seen each other through Skype since, when at all until Cátia had finally had enough of it and had bought her sister and her family plane tickets to come see her. The only problem had been with the other person that had also been invited.

Diana was startled out of her thoughts and her reading when she heard loud, very loud yawning and turned in her seat to see her dad stepping out of his and mom's tent. The golden morning light reflected on his dark skin, giving him a glowing sheen.

He walked to her wordlessly, offered her a nod, which she returned, and pretended to punch her on the side.

Diana ‘oofed’ playfully and grinned up at him as he absentmindedly hugged her to his side and scratched her under the chin, calling her a ‘good girl’.

She pushed him away with a laugh.

"Morning," she added, putting away her book and feeling a bit victorious that she'd been up sooner than her early bird of a father, even if it had been unwanted.

"‘Good mornings’ are for the morning," Samuel responded – his usual response, every morning without fail – and squeezed her shoulder to tone down on her smugness.

She laughed and wiggled away and patted the space next to her on the sitting log.

"Come, sit with me and wait for breakfast," she joked and did nothing to hide her grin.

Samuel crossed his arms, making his biceps swell, and raised an amused eyebrow, with the contrast of his hazel-green eyes staring down at her. "Oh, you’re waiting for breakfast? Get off your damn ass, you're gonna help me. I always gotta fucking do everything in this family, none o’ you lift a finger to do a single damn thing. Dad’s always there to cook and clean and drive you places." The cussing was so familiar to his way of speech that it went unnoticed.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Pai is the best and we are the worst children in the whole wide world.”

A warning look from him had her up on her feet and doing as instructed. She knew she could play around with her dad, he was like a child himself sometimes, but she didn't want to accidentally trigger one of his notorious bad moods. Whenever that happened, the most ridiculous of arguments would break out between him and his three children, stubborn clashing against bullheaded, and it always ended with one or both parties’ day ruined.

So, bantering back and forth, they lit the fire in the fire pit and prepared scrambled eggs with chopped up sausages for breakfast. How they had managed to have fresh eggs this long was a mystery to her, one she didn’t dare question.

Diana was walking back from their rented jeep with their breakfast refreshments, when Irene stepped out of her tent, still bleary eyed and yawning behind her hand, but already dressed for the day in a get-up similar to Diana's. This camping thing had certainly changed her mother’s sleeping habits, since the woman usually slept in underpants and nothing else, as she didn’t like the restricting feeling of pajamas. It often made for uncomfortable sightings back home since Sam shared those habits.

Diana approached the shorter woman from behind and hugged her while planting a sloppy kiss on her freckled cheek.

Irene smiled and turned in her daughter's arms to return the affection. Then she took the half-full bottle of orange juice Diana had gotten from the cooler and they both went to sit at the fire pit.

Irene took her designated spot next to Sam and proceeded to kiss her husband thoroughly, despite just having had slept in the same tent.

Diana averted her eyes and cleared her throat. "For real, at the breakfast table?" She was glad her parents got along so well, but sometimes she had to put up with some indecencies no child should ever witness from their parents; they were very open about their affections.

Irene swatted her hand in dismissal, "Yeah, you'll see if you won't do the same when you find o amor da tua vida.”

"Ugh, but I won’t be like you and not at the table," Diana mumbled and scratched at a mosquito bite on her calf. She couldn’t imagine herself being gooey heart-eyes over someone like her parents were, it didn’t fit her.

"Shut the hell up and eat your damn food," Samuel said and thrust a plastic plate and fork at her, the smell of the meat making her salivate. She took the food gladly and scooped a forkful into her awaiting mouth.

“I miss my breakfast cereal,” she commented to herself, chewing half-heartedly.

Irene chatted loudly about old gossip Diana didn't care to listen to – she’d already heard it all the day before -, and Sam listened silently along while eating.

Diana took a swig of juice straight from the bottle and just observed them.

She always thought of her mom and dad as a perfect balance of each other, not only their hot-cool personality but their appearance as well.

Irene was short and petite, of Colombian and Brazilian descent, with dark brown eyes and shoulder length dark hair. A woman her age, well into her forties, would be expected to have some amounts of wrinkles, but by the miracles of her Latina skin, which was oily to boost – a trait which all three of her children had inherited, yay –, Irene's wrinkles only manifested around her eyes when she smiled.

Samuel was of Cape Verdean descent. He was admittedly not very tall, scraping 5’8”, slightly shorter than Diana, with broad shoulders and beefy arms. His black and gray coiled curls were always cropped close to the scalp, his hazel-green eyes were constantly stuck in an intimidating glare that was basically his trademark, which accentuated the crease between his brows and the crow’s feet around his eyes.

Diana shoved the last bite into her mouth just as her mother asked her if the kids were still asleep. With puffed cheeks, Diana could only nod. She made a noise of realization in the back of her throat and gestured by her head with her hands, attempting to reference Felix by miming his hair.

"For Christ's sake, mija, swallow your food and then talk. I swear to God, you only have the body of a twenty-one-year-old, your brain still hasn't caught up." Irene shook her head and rolled her eyes when Diana smiled like it had been a compliment. She had always been childish, there would be no changing that, she took after her dad in that sense.

Diana made a show of thoroughly chewing her food, swallowed it and dramatically took a swig of juice. She wiped her mouth on the back of her hand and addressed her parents again, "What I meant was, you got Felix's present?"

"Nah, your mother made us look through all kinds of shit for hours, jumping from store to store until my back almost broke and we didn't fucking buy him anything," Samuel remarked sarcastically.

“Then you shouldn’t’ve jumped,” Diana cracked, to which Samuel began to reply with an amused half-smile growing on his lips but just huffed and shook his head in defeat.

Diana had been there when they’d gone shopping on the day they left her Godmother’s, to stock up on food and other necessities for their camping trip, but she didn't know if they bought him anything then or if they wanted to wait until they were back home to get him a birthday present.

Sam returned from the jeep, carrying baseball gear in his hands that Diana knew for sure would be a success with her brother, and he handed the items to her for a closer look.

There was a set of three baseballs, a sturdy leather glove, and a dull metallic bat with a purple bow wrapped around the handle.

Diana nodded in approval; yeah, Felix would go crazy over it. Baseball wasn't very popular in Switzerland, so you could rarely find good gear, if at all, and the boy had wanted to try the sport for ages.

It was a pity that their trip's sole purpose had been family time only – which had partially not gone according to plan –, and not sightseeing or other activities.

Next time.

Right then, chatter like bickering and movement from her and the kids’ tent caught her attention and in a feat of rushed panic, Diana threw the objects at her dad, relieved when he caught them before something fell into the grill or pan over the fire.

Alice stepped out of the tent and greeted them with the mockery of a formal bow, "Good morning mother, father, and less importantly, sister. I present to you, the birthday boy."

For whatever reason, she began singing ‘We Are the Champions’ in a pitch too low for her angelic voice while making dramatic hand motions towards the tent.

Felix jumped out with a big flourish and waved and blew kisses at his surroundings, as if there were a huge crowd awaiting him, then dropped to his knees while victoriously pumping his fists in the air in exaggerated slow motion.

Alice sang a few more lines and stopped while Felix continued celebrating, clearly enjoying his moment and no longer grumpy. The older girl walked up behind him, slapped him upside the head and called him a bobo. Same old, same old with those two.

Felix, in high spirits, ignored her and started doing his ‘Estrondo’ moves, a ridiculous ‘dance’ invented and performed by the main characters of a Portuguese amateur short film by the same name, that Felix thought to be the peak of Portuguese comedy.

His knees were bent in a half crouch, arms as if he was hugging the air under him and he moved them to and from his body while dancing around in semicircles. All in all, it was the goofiest thing ever, and Irene and Sam hated it, because ‘it made him look half-witted’.

That had never stopped him.

When he was done and straightened himself up, mom and dad skipped the reprimand and enveloped him in a tight hug. He was almost tall enough that his chin hit Samuel's forehead; it was a comical sight, to be honest.

Seeing her sister to the side, Diana opened her arms in invitation, but Alice just sneered and shoved her arms aside while sitting on the same log but as far away from her sister as she physically could.

Diana beamed at her and patted her cheek, which almost got her her hand gnawed off; Alice did not like to be touched, and affection – verbal or physical – unless she initiated it, made her very uncomfortable.

After being released, Felix sat down on the free space between his two elder sisters and both teens accepted breakfast from their dad.

"Can't wait to see what you got me," Felix said around a mouthful of meat and egg.

“What makes you think we got you anything?”

“‘Cause you’re not terrible parents and you love your son very much and want him to be happy?”

“Nice.” Alice offered her fist for Felix to bump.

“You keep playing that card and I’ll start using it against you,” retorted Irene, “Won’t you vacuum the living room because you’re not a terrible son and love your mother very much and want to see her happy? Huh, like that?”

“Ho-ho, nice.” Alice bumped her fist against Irene’s outstretched one.

“Pick up your jaw and finish eating, and then we’ll talk presents, papito.”

When the birthday boy all but inhaled the last remnant of food on his plate, Sam gave him the things he’d hidden behind his seat.

The fifteen-year-old boy went bananas over it if his excited swearing was any indication. And just because it was his birthday, the only punishment he got for his foul mouth was a smack upside the head, administered by yours truly on behalf of Sam, the hypocrite.

While Felix was showing off his present to a jealous-but-trying-not-to-show-it Alice, a blast sounded in the distance, making everyone freeze and turn like a dog that spotted a squirrel. It reverberated throughout the forest, making nearby resting birds take immediate flight and screech hellishly.

More loud bursts followed, and everyone started to crank up on the worry until Alice reminded, "It's the 4th of July, bro. Today, the whole country celebrates with you."

[loverapture-blog1]

obviously.

I BECAME DEPRESSED WHEN I WAS THIRTEEN YEARS OLD WAITING FOR THIS ONE GIRL TO LOVE ME BACK FOR ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF AND WHILE MY PARENTS AND TEACHERS AND PEERS PRESSURED ME TO IMPROVE MY GRADES SO I COULD GET INTO A STUPID CATHOLIC SCHOOL THAT I REALLY FUCKING HATE NOW BUT OH WELL. I HARMED MYSELF FOR THE FIRST TIME WHEN I WAS 14 AND I REALLY WANTED TO DIE AND I WOULD'VE KILLED MYSELF IF MY FRIEND HADN'T FOUND OUT AND TALKED ME OUT OF IT. WE'RE NOT REALLY CLOSE ANYMORE. WE DISAGREE ON A LOT OF THINGS. MY MOM TOLD ME LOTS OF HORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT BEING A DISGRACE AND A MISTAKE AND UNLOVABLE AND THAT REALLY HURT MY HEART. MY MOM HASN'T BEEN THE SAME EVER SINCE. SOMETHING REALLY CHANGED INSIDE OF HER AND I MISS HER SO MUCH. FRESHMAN YEAR WAS SO WEIRD CAUSE PEOPLE LIKED ME AND IT WAS PRETTY COOL I HAD A COUPLE GIRLFRIENDS IT WAS ALRIGHT BUT THEN I GOT REALLY REALLY SAD CAUSE THE SECOND GIRLFRIEND TOLD ME SHE JUST WANTED TO USE SOMEONE AND I MEANT NOTHING TO HER AND I WAS JUST AN EASY TARGET BECAUSE I'M YOUNGER THAN HER BUT I MEAN WHATEVER RIGHT? ALSO MY PARENTS SEPARATED. MY DAD WENT TO SOME CLAUSTROPHOBIC APARTMENT THAT FELT LIKE THE THROAT OF AN ANACONDA. I STILL REMEMBER THE SMELL OF IT. THE SIGHT OF NOTHING IN THE PANTRY BUT SOME OLD GATORADE AND TORTILLAS. WORST 9 1/2 MONTHS OF MY LIFE. I HATED IT. I WANTED TO MAKE MY DAD HAPPY AND HANG OUT WITH HIM AND STUFF BUT I WAS SO FUCKING DEPRESSED OH MY GOODNESS I WANTED TO SCREAM ALL THE TIME BUT IT FELT LIKE MY THROAT WAS FILLED WITH COTTON. I DID NOTHING BUT STAY IN MY ROOM ON MY LAPTOP. AND MY DAD NEVER COMPLAINED. HE WAS FINE WITH IT. AS LONG AS I WAS IN HIS HOME. MY HEART HURT SO FUCKING HORRIBLY BAD. IT STILL DOES. THE GUILT. I SAW HIM CRY. MANY TIMES. IT HURTS SO MUCH TO THINK ABOUT. I WAS ALL HE REALLY WANTED THEN AND THERE AND I DECIDED TO DO NOTHING BUT STAY IN MY ROOM. ALL I DID IN THAT ROOM WAS EAT PIZZA, DRINK ARIZONAS, PLAY VIDEOGAMES, JACK OFF, AND CRY, CRY A LOT. THEN AT LIKE ELEVEN AT NIGHT HE WOULD TELL ME "HE'S GONNA HANG OUT WITH HIS OLD DOCTOR FRIEND AT STARBUCKS" YEAH OKAY DAD SURE. I KNEW MY DAD HAD BEEN CHEATING ON MY MOM. I GUESS HE THOUGHT HE COULD JUST LEAVE MY MOM AND THEN GO OFF TO SOME OTHER LADY. BUT IT DIDN'T WORK OUT. THEN MY BEST FRIEND BECAME MY GIRLFRIEND. THEN MY PARENTS GOT BACK TOGETHER. MY GRADES WERE ALRIGHT. I WAS GOING TO THE GYM REGULARLY. EVERYTHING SEEMED OKAY. BUT THEN MY GIRLFRIEND AND I KEPT ARGUING AND SHE KEPT LYING AND I KEPT FALLING FOR IT AND FALLING FOR IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND I JUST KINDA WENT ALONG WITH IT. I CRIED A LOT. SHE MADE EVERYTHING WORSE. I STARTED DOING BAD IN MY CLASSES. EVENTUALLY I BROKE UP WITH HER CAUSE I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. SHE THEN WENT AND TOLD A BUNCH OF PEOPLE THAT I CHEATED ON HER WITH SOME GIRL FROM TEXAS. THE GIRL IS REAL. THE STORY ISN'T. EVENTUALLY I DID FALL IN LOVE WITH THAT GIRL. I BECAME HER MANAGER CAUSE SHE WANTED TO BE A SINGER. THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME I COULD CONFIDENTLY SAY I WAS IN LOVE. SHE WAS A DREAM. PERFECT. SHE SANG ME SONGS AND WROTE ME POEMS. I WAS SO CRAZY ABOUT HER. IT WAS PERFECT. SHE WAS GONNA VISIT ME DURING SUMMER. THEN I FOUND OUT SHE WAS TALKING TO SOMEONE ELSE. THEN SHE KEPT FUCKING WITH MY FEELINGS. I BECAME FRIENDS WITH THE GIRL FROM FRESHMAN YEAR WHO USED ME. I TOLD HER I WANTED TO KILL MYSELF AND SHE IGNORED ME BECAUSE "SHE GOT BORED". THEN I LEFT THE GIRL I WAS IN LOVE WITH BECAUSE I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. SHE CONTINUED TO TRY AND TALK TO ME. THEN SHE STARTED SOME FAKE RUMORS ABOUT ME BEING SEXIST AND RACIST. THEN A BUNCH OF PEOPLE HATED ME. SHE'S A TERRIBLE PERSON. I HOPE SHE IS OK. SHE'S BEEN THROUGH A LOT. THE SONGS OF THAT TIME KEEP REPLAYING IN MY HEAD, EATING AWAY AT THE INSIDE OF MY SKULL LIKE WAVES ERODING A MOUNTAIN. MY CHEST FEELS LIKE IT'S GONNA EXPLODE AND YELLOW PAINT IS GONNA SPLASH EVERYWHERE. THE COLOR YELLOW REMINDS ME OF HER. SKATING REMINDS ME OF HER. PLAYING INSTRUMENTS. WRITING. FLOWERS. MUSIC. EVERYTHING REMINDS ME OF HER. I TRIED TO MOVE ON. I STILL HAVEN'T COMPLETELY GOTTEN OVER IT. THEN I MET THIS OTHER GIRL. SHE WAS SO CUTE. SHE WAS WONDERFUL IT FELT SO NICE. SHE LIVED IN SACRAMENTO AND WAS SUPPOSED TO COME DOWN AND VISIT ME SOON. THEN I WENT TO EUROPE FOR THREE WEEKS. DURING THE FIRST WEEK OF BEING IN EUROPE THIS NEW GIRL GOT A BOYFRIEND. MY HEART HURT. I MET A REALLY COOL GIRL IN EUROPE. SHE WAS FROM LOS ANGELES AND WE CLICKED. WE WOULD TRY TO GET ALCOHOL EVERY  NIGHT AND GET SHITFACED. IT WAS SO FUN. ONE TIME IN SWITZERLAND I GOT REALLY DRUNK AND THREW UP AND CHIPPED MY TOOTH TRYING TO OPEN A BEER BOTTLE AND MR. BRUNNER SAW ME DRUNK BUT DIDN'T CARE. I LIKED HER AT FIRST BUT THEN WE JUST BECAME FRIENDS. THEN I TOLD HER ABOUT MY MENTAL ILLNESSES. I OPENED UP ABOUT ALL MY DEMONS. THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I EVER TALKED TO HER. SHE LEFT ME AND TOLD ME I'M TOO MUCH OF A RESPONSIBILITY. SHE SAID I'M "TROUBLED". THAT REALLY FUCKING HURT. THAT SAME NIGHT I MET A BEAUTIFUL GIRL FROM A GERMAN SCHOOL BUT SHE WAS THE ONLY AFRICAN GIRL THERE. WE SPENT ALL NIGHT HOLDING HANDS AND RUNNING AROUND. IT WAS SO SWEET AND DREAMLIKE. THEN I MET THIS OTHER GIRL TOWARDS THE END OF THE TRIP. WE HUNG OUT TOGETHER ALL THE TIME. SHE HAD JUST GRADUATED FROM THE SHITTY CATHOLIC SCHOOL THAT I GO TO RIGHT NOW. SHE THOUGHT I WAS SO COOL. I THOUGHT SHE WAS SO CUTE. WE GOT DRUNK ON THE BEACH OF ATHENS AND STEPPED ON SEA URCHINS. SHE ADMITTED SHE LIKED ME. SHE DIDN'T REMEMBER THAT THE NEXT MORNING THOUGH. THEN WE WENT ON A CRUISE IN THE GREEK ISLANDS. WE NAPPED TOGETHER A LOT. WE CUDDLED. WE GOT MANICURES TOGETHER AND GOT MATCHING NAIL POLISH. I WAS SO HAPPY. SHE DREW IN MY JOURNAL. ON THE LAST DAY, WE BOUGHT SOME CHEAP WINE AND WAITED UNTIL NIGHT. WE GOT SUPER DRUNK AND THEN WE GOT ON TOP OF EACH OTHER. "DON'T KISS ME UNTIL WE'RE SOBER" SHE SAID. I OBLIGED. SHE DIDN'T FOLLOW HER OWN RULES THOUGH. SHE KISSED ME. I KISSED HER BACK. I WAS HER FIRST KISS. WE MADE OUT. WE DID SOME OTHER STUFF. I TOOK HER TO HER ROOM. I SLEPT SMELLING HER SHIRT ALL NIGHT. I AM CRYING RIGHT NOW TYPING THIS. THEN WE SPENT THE WHOLE NEXT DAY TRAVELING BACK. SHIP. BUS. PLANE. THE FIRST PLANE RIDE WAS BEAUTIFUL. WE SAT TOGETHER AND KISSED AND CUDDLED. IT WAS TEN HOURS BUT FELT LIKE ONE. THE NEXT  PLANE WAS SHIT. MY STOMACH HURT AND I DIDN'T SIT WITH HER. THEN MY PARENTS PICKED ME UP FROM THE AIRPORT. I SAID GOODBYE TO HER. THEN AT HOME MY PARENTS YELLED AT ME AND TOLD ME IM A DISGRACE FOR PAINTING MY NAILS AND THAT I DON'T DESERVE ANYTHING BUT THE BARE MINIMUM AND THAT THEY ARE ASHAMED OF ME AND THAT IT INFURIATES THEM THAT I CAN'T JUST BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. I STAYED DATING THAT GIRL. WE HUNG OUT A COUPLE TIMES. SHE EVENTUALLY BECAME VERY MANIPULATIVE AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE. I LEFT HER. THEN I WAS SINGLE FOR A BIT. THEN OF COURSE I STARTED DATING SOMEONE ELSE. MY CURRENT GIRLFRIEND. I LOVE HER! SHE ISN'T ABUSIVE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! SHE'S GREAT. SHE IS PERFECT SO FAR. BUT SHE HAS HER OWN TROUBLES AND I FEEL BAD CAUSE I CAN'T HELP HER. REWIND TO A FEW WEEKS AFTER I GOT BACK FROM THE EUROPE TRIP. JUNIOR YEAR STARTED. I WAS FAIRLY CONFIDENT. THEN EVERYTHING WENT DOWNHILL. REALLY FAST. I STARTED FAILING. I BECAME MORE AND MORE DEPRESSED. I HATED MYSELF AND EVERYONE AROUND ME. I TOLD MY PARENTS I'M DEPRESSED. THEY DIDN'T CARE. I TOLD THEM AGAIN. THEY DIDN'T CARE. I TOLD THEM ONE MORE TIME. THE DIDN'T CARE AT ENOUGH. I STARTED SMOKING WEED. A LOT OF IT. CONSTANTLY. I LOVED IT. WEED IS GREAT, BUT IT BECAME A DEPENDENCY. THEN ONE DAY I HAD A BREAKDOWN AT SCHOOL AND I WENT TO MY TEACHER BECAUSE I WOULD'VE KILLED MYSELF IF I DIDN'T. SHE TOLD ME SOME KIND WORDS THEN CALLED MY MOM. MY MOM CAME. WE WENT TO AN OFFICE AND DISCUSSED SOME STUFF ABOUT SCHOOL AND DEPRESSION WITH THIS ONE GUY AND THIS ONE REALLY NICE BUT ANNOYING WHITE LADY. MY DAD CAME. I FELT BETTER. I WENT HOME. THEN MY PARENTS YELLED AT ME AND WE GOT IN A HUGE UGLY ARGUMENT. THEY GOT MAD AT ME FOR SEEKING HELP.

"THEY DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU AT SCHOOL! THAT'S WHAT WE'RE HERE FOR."

"BUT DAD, IT'S NOT EASY TELLING YOUR PARENTS THAT YOU WANNA KILL YOURSELF."

"YOU EMBARASSED US, YOU HURT OUR FEELINGS."

"DAD I WANNA DIE PLEASE I NEED HELP."

"FUCK YOU! YOU'RE SELFISH AND YOU DON'T LOVE US!"

THE WHITE LADY TOLD MY PARENTS THAT I NEED A PAPER FROM A PSYCHOLOGIST SAYING THAT I WON'T HURT MYSELF OR OTHERS TO BE ABLE TO ATTEND SCHOOL AGAIN. THEN THE NEXT DAY MY PARENTS DID A RANDOM DRUG TEST ON ME. THEN THAT NIGHT THEY CONFRONTED ME ABOUT IT BECAUSE THEY SAW THAT I HAD BEEN CONSUMING WEED. THEY ARE OLD AND UNEDUCATED ON IT SO THEY THINK IT'S LIKE METH. THAT MADE THE WHOLE THING VERY DIFFICULT. THEN I BROKE DOWN AGAIN. I STARTED TELLING THEM HOW BAD I WANTED TO DIE. THEN MY DAD HELD ME AND TOLD ME HE LOVED ME. A VOICE IN MY HEAD TOLD ME NOT TO BELIEVE HIM. I COMPLIED. THE NEXT DAY MY SISTERS CAME TO THE HOUSE. THEY ALL TALKED TO ME AND TOLD ME THAT I DIDN'T HAVE TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL IF I WASN'T READY. THEY KEPT DEMONIZING MEDICATION TO SCARE ME BECAUSE THEY REFUSE TO GIVE ME THE MEDICATION I SO DESPERATELY HAVE BEEN NEEDING FOR THE PAST FOUR YEARS. THEY KEPT ME PRISONER AT HOME. THEY FORCED ME TO JOIN A BOXING CLUB. THEY TOOK AWAY MY PRIVILEDGES. THEN THE SCHOOL CALLED AND SAID I HAD TO GO BACK. I GOT A NOTE. THEY DECLINED IT. I GOT ANOTHER NOTE. THEY DECLINED THAT ONE TOO. THEN I GOT ANOTHER ONE AND I'M BACK IN SCHOOL. I HATE IT. I'M SWITCHING SCHOOLS NEXT SEMESTER. BUT I NEED TO TRY AND RAISE MY GRADES FOR NOW. I AM NOT CURRENTLY SUICIDAL. BUT I AM SAD. VERY SAD. STILL DEPRESSED (OBVIOUSLY).