#I dislike the end of the year it always sap all of my energy away | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

xlady-saya · 4 years

Text

i’ve had a love of my own [ch 2]

Relationships: andrew/neil

Summary: Despite everything Neil could’ve imagined for his life, he never thought he’d be here, finally giving the world the interview they’ve always wanted.

It’s been decades, but even with his numerous accolades and sports wins, he finds that they’re the least important thing about his life.

Neil can’t help but laugh. Andrew would be so annoyed if he were here.

Of course, Neil only wants to talk about him, and the life they spent together.

Tags: interviews, post canon, major character death but not how u think I swear lol, neil is an old man retelling his memories about andrew, cheesy romance, post retirement, see more tags on ao3

Read on ao3!

"What do you remember most about the night you were inducted into the hall of fame?"

Neil's suit collar feels especially tight as he descends from the podium, his body pulling him in one direction and one direction only. The smile on his face feels too tight, but the hoard of smiling faces and applauding hands around him don’t seem to notice. The rabbit instincts, as Andrew would call them, surge up aggressively. Neil hates public appearances like this, especially when the event is partly focused on him. He can only hope his speech wasn't too terrible.

People shout out their congratulations as he passes, but they all blend together like an oil slick meeting water. Pretty on the outside, but otherwise devastating to the fragile nature of his mind. Bright lights above bounce off full champagne glasses, creating a blurry horizon he has to squint at.

Years of public exposure has done nothing for his dislike of crowds, and he chases the feeling of Andrew's protective bubble. Warm, safe, home.

It feels like that one time Nicky dragged him to a party hosted by the baseball team in college, and left him to go hurl his guts out over the side of the house. At a certain point, Neil had been so overwhelmed he had hastily retreated from the drunk mob into the safe haven of the bathroom.

It's an eerily similar feeling, except this time his safe haven comes in the form of Andrew, suave and bored as he leans against the back wall. Much, much better.

Neil nearly trips over his feet in an effort to reach him, but Andrew is always one step ahead. As if sensing Neil's distress, Andrew extends a hand, and Neil refrains from rolling his eyes at the muffled gasp he hears somewhere in the back.

Catching a glimpse of them acting like a couple is akin to seeing a shooting star in the daytime, according to tabloids. In Neil's mind, they all simply don't look hard enough. Sometimes just the way Andrew looks at him makes Neil feel like they should be behind closed doors, with how it radiates off both of them. He's not sure why people don't see it, because surely Andrew's denials aren't believable. He's incredibly affectionate, if all his gifts and gestures say anything. And more than that...

At the end of any given day, if someone checked, Andrew's fingerprints would be all over Neil. Some on the back of his wrist, trickling down his spine and ghosting over his lower back, dotted along his throat.

Skin deep, with heat that travels even farther.

He takes Andrew's hand gratefully, letting himself be pulled in by the relief of that unparalleled shelter.

"You call that a speech, Josten?" Andrew asks, though Neil catches the spark that sets his eyes aflame. Good—Neil missed it. These events sap the energy out of Andrew like a vacuum, and he knows he only puts up with them for Neil's sake. Neil is happy to be a compact little battery when Andrew needs it.

Neil readjusts their hands but doesn't pull away, giving Andrew a small squeeze to pair with his smirk.

"Like you could do better," he snarks, but moves against the wall anyways, shoulder pressed to Andrew's. They've both bulked up from years with the pros, but where Neil will always be somewhat lithe, Andrew is stocky and built like brick. Neil sighs, breathing in the scent of Andrew's cologne and the subtle mint of nicotine gum.

There are still some eyes on them, but people are mostly looking at the next speaker. Neil can't make out Kevin or Thea in the crowd, but that's probably a good thing given what's about to happen. "You didn't even give a speech," he remarks playfully, a hint for Andrew to chase.

Andrew purses his lips, not taking it until Neil leans further into his space. Neil knows he has the advantage here; he's dressed in a fitted suit, personally picked out by Andrew, with blue accents that match their team (and additionally, his eyes). However, that’s not Neil’s biggest advantage, considering he's wearing the watch Andrew bought him for Christmas—the one with a rabbit stamped cleanly into the back of the metal face. 'Now you can't use your dead phone as an excuse,' Andrew had said, but Neil had seen through it.

Neil nudges him cheekily, gesturing to the room full of people.

"Surprised you're even here," Neil adds, feigning shyness in another effort to break through Andrew's (flimsy) blockade.

It works. Neil's not sure if Andrew's gotten softer over time, or if he's gotten better at this. Though he guesses he's the same. There are not many walls left for Andrew to scale on his end either.

"Don't be stupid," Andrew replies, firm and sharp. It sends comfortable shivers down Neil's spine, Andrew’s sternness causing the joke to evaporate. Even the insinuation that he'd miss Neil's crowning achievement...he won't allow it.

Come to think of it, Andrew's probably thought about it more than Neil. Neil worked so hard for this moment, to make a name for himself in the sport he adores. And he's proud of himself, he is, and he deserves to be in the hall of fame with how much he's fought. Yet now that he's actually here, surrounded by people who want nothing more than to sing his praises, all he needs is...

Neil giggles, whispering in quiet Russian. "You're proud of meeee."

Andrew huffs, but Neil powers on. "Admit it or...you know what will happen, don't you?"

"Neil."

"You look really handsome tonight—"

"Neil, I'm serious," Andrew tries, and while Andrew isn't the type to blush, the way his entire body stills might as well be equivalent to a fire. Neil's hand drifts to Andrew's lower back, because casual touches are second nature to them now. Instead of pushing away from the touch, Andrew's back bends for him, and Neil's gives a subtle press.

Truly, this is Neil's favorite tactic, complimenting Andrew. He'd learned in their last year of college that Andrew can't handle it, and the blond can try to say he hates it all he wants. But Neil never hears a 'no,' does he? "I love seeing the way the suit jacket fits over your shoulders. It reminds me of how strong you are. You're my anchor, you know? You always keep me safe, I feel like I can do anything if you're there. I love knowing this is real, that you're here with me and you'd fight to keep us—"

Neil jumps when Andrew turns on him, but his triumphant grin sits firmly in place.

Andrew leans him in to cut him off with a kiss, like he's accustomed to, but that's not something he's willing to give the paparazzi today. He takes Neil's hand again, glancing around. "We're leaving," he says, because he knows that's what Neil really wanted all along. Duh, Neil already knows Andrew is proud of him. "I've had it with this place."

Neil's body sings at the word choice, at the words unspoken: 'but not with you.'

"Mhm," he agrees happily. When Andrew had been inducted into the hall of fame, they'd ditched the ceremony even earlier than this. So it's about time. "What's the plan?"

Andrew doesn't miss a beat. He tilts his head in the direction of the far doors, and Neil zeroes in on them. He'd clocked all the exits when they first arrived from force of habit, so he follows along with Andrew easily. "Reporters are at the west wing entrance, we'll have to sneak out the service entrance past the kitchens. It's handled."

Neil smirks broadly, and lets Andrew lead the way. One advantage to being so short? It's a hell of a lot more efficient to duck down behind people. "Did you already make a deal with the wait staff?"

Andrew's expressions in public are still quite reserved and closed off, but Neil can feel the smug energy radiating off his back as they push through the kitchen doors. None of the staff even bat an eye. In fact, some of them are trying extremely hard to not look at them.

Neil looks at Andrew, brow raised.

"You'd be surprised what a couple autographs can get you," Andrew says, pulling them around a corner to survey the last stretch between them and the outside world. They should be in the clear, but the last thing they want is to run into a security guard or overactive publicist walking through these back hallways. Neil can't contain his excitement though, his leg thumping uncontrollably against the linoleum. Andrew pauses when he notices, and there's that flash of amusement Neil loves so much. "Control yourself, bunny."

"Stop making me wait," Neil shoots back, because he rarely has the opportunity to be this rebellious. As much as he cusses out reporters and fights people on the actual court, he misses the giddy mischief of sneaking around with Andrew. It's like making out on the roof all over again, or trying to be quiet during movie nights with Andrew's hand caressing his thigh.

It's exhilarating, and he can read Andrew's physical cues so well by now. The shift of his feet, the tension in his shoulders...It's like when he's about to block a shot with his bare hands, except this time he pulls Neil down the hall in a sprint.

He knows he's supposed to be quiet, but the best he can do is muffle his laughter with his free hand as he lets Andrew carry them out of the venue.

If Neil bumps into a cart of metal trays, they're long gone before anyone can react to the sound.

The Lotus comes to a stop in the empty parking lot of the old football stadium. It's one of their favorite places to escape to, a project the city keeps claiming it will repurpose but never does. The lampposts lining the giant lot still work, but there's not a car in sight, the old building dark and menacing. To Neil, it's just...theirs.

Neil stumbles out of the small car, missing the backseat of the Maserati. He wishes they were driving their new Maz instead, but it's Andrew's signature car, and they knew they'd need to lay low.

Ha. To think they'd be invisible in a car like this.

Again Neil has to right himself, his pants still sitting halfway down his thighs. He's glad Andrew thought ahead with bringing them a change of clothes, but the cramped space isn't the best for changing into jeans. He has a feeling Andrew did that on purpose, forgoing Neil's sweats.

Doesn't help that Neil's legs are jelly for other reasons.

Andrew slides out of the driver’s side with a lot more finesse, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand as he comes around. Helpless, Neil drops his arms and lets Andrew pull up his pants.

It's the little things.

Neil smiles when Andrew sighs, loading some of his weight on top of Neil. He won't call it a recharge, Neil just knows. Neil plays with the loose strands of hair at Andrew's nape, at peace in the piercing cold, no real landmark in sight apart from the decaying stadium. It's weird; it reminds him a lot of when he and his mother would camp out in abandoned lots. Vantage points from all sides, but the risk of exposure and openness were high too.

Here though, more than ten years later, Neil basks in the vulnerability, because nowhere feels unsafe with Andrew in his arms like this. He lets Andrew sway them back and forth for a bit, and yeah, this is preferable to the sounds of clinking champagne glasses and excessive applause.

His publicist will give him shit for it later, but he wouldn't exactly be Neil Josten if he didn't cause problems.

Neil smiles into the distance, watching the flickering of a nearby lamppost. "The movie starts in an hour," he says eventually, and Andrew nods into Neil's neck once before pulling away. There's no disappointment in his eyes, and he taps Neil's watch to the beat of a song Neil can't place.

Instead, he just zips up Andrew's open fly, smirking at the unimpressed stare he gets. "You're a nuisance."

"I know," Neil says proudly, and watches as Andrew goes back to the driver's side. He looks a lot cozier and harder to recognize now, dressed in Neil's Palmetto hoodie and jeans.

"C'mon, we need to grab food still," Andrew says, and at the reminder, Neil's stomach growls. If they had stayed an hour more at the event they probably would've been fed fancy catered meals, but that would've messed with their Friday tradition of greasy drive in food.

Neil knows they’re showing a double zombie movie feature today, and he does not want to miss it. He straps in just in time for Andrew to hit the gas, and doesn't even speak up about all the traffic laws they break to make it there on time.

"How mad do you think Kevin is?" Neil asks when Andrew is passing him his soda. He fits it snuggly in between his thighs, jumping from the cold. It can't be helped; the lone cupholder is reserved for Andrew's milkshake, in danger of overflowing from whipped cream.

Andrew turns back to the cashier at the drive thru, and their eyes are still on the verge of popping out of their sockets. They must be new. The other coworkers regard Andrew and Neil with warm familiarity, a little too used to the two famous athletes rolling up for food their nutritionist would not approve of. Andrew takes their bag from the worker without much acknowledgement of his shock, peeling off before they can so much as stutter a sound of disbelief.

They'll get used to it.

Greedily, Neil digs through the bag.

"I think he expects it by now," Andrew answers, uncaring. His eyes flick to the side when Neil's rummaging pauses, and Neil sends him a suspicious look.

"Two fries," he states, not quite a question, but a confirmation of what he's seeing at the bottom of the bag. Two orders of fries.

Then, in the privacy of their car, Andrew lets his feelings shine through. He rolls his eyes, but the edge of a smile plays on his lips. "Don't act like you don't eat half of mine. I got you your own for once."

A 'hmph' escapes Neil's mouth, and he holds a fry in front of his face. He can't exactly refute Andrew's claims, he is a notorious fry fiend, but...

He doesn't have to like it.

"Aren't I sweet?" Andrew says, mockingly, and Neil hates that the answer is actually yes.

"Salty," he corrects, surrendering to pop the fry into Andrew's mouth.

That's all he's getting from Neil's stash though.

The Lotus roars as Andrew pulls away from the stand and up the nearby hill. Most people at the drive in come early, eager to get spots closer to the screen, but they have a special spot far away from the throng of people. The hill only houses one or two other cars who have the same idea, spaced out far and free to talk or fool around in the backseats.

Neil never pays them any mind; it's hard to give attention to anything that isn't Andrew once the blond actually starts talking, offering theories about the plot or characters on screen he may or may not actually believe.

Neil has a suspicion Andrew just likes giving him more reasons to talk too.

The first movie is older, remastered but still carrying that grainy quality old horror movies have. The colors are subdued, almost rusty, and Neil's fixated by the way the flashes dance on Andrew's skin. Whether it be splotches of red or the ominous sunset, just before the eerie music begins, the scenes reflect in Andrew's golden eyes to the point where Neil can hardly follow the story.

Not that it matters, it's zombies. What more is there to get?

"Are you satisfied with the effects for once?" Andrew drawls, though surely he knows Neil's been staring at him for the last ten minutes. He doesn't put up a fight anymore when it comes to that, instead playing with Neil's salt ridden fingertips and drinking his milkshake.

Smiling, Neil lets his eyes drift to the screen. A show of gore and fake blood has him nodding, not nearly as affronted as he usually is. The woman on screen is a good actress, though movies will never get true anguished screams exactly right.

"Mm, practical ones are better," Neil says, commenting on the lack of CGI. Another good thing about older movies: they had to build the monsters themselves, had to spend a lot more time on the makeup and fake guts. It's slightly more unsettling, considering what Neil has seen and done, but less annoying than the computer generated stuff.

When Neil zones out too long, he feels a fry poke his cheek, and he opens his mouth automatically. Andrew watches him with a small smile. Neil's not sure when Andrew grew more comfortable smiling, but somewhere along the way they both got used to it. It's a subtle, quiet expression on the blond, but that's how Neil likes it. Andrew's personality will never be loud, never cheery like Nicky's or Matt's. But it feels like a secret, something reserved for those that mean a lot to the blond. Neil can never feel anything but pride when he sees it, when Andrew lets himself express a bone deep contentment for those people in his life.

For Neil.

"What is it?" Andrew asks, and Neil waves at the screen, bored with it all of a sudden.

"I'll never understand the point of people who approach the first zombie," he says, and he says this every time. And alright, he knows that's the only way to truly kick off the plot but it always rubs him the wrong way.

"It's not like they know it's a zombie, Neil," Andrew replies, in reference to the next unfortunate victim to approach the zombified man in the park. The zombie had been stumbling around, and the older lady simply couldn't help but ask if the man was alright. Being a good samaritan will get you killed every time.

Neil throws Andrew a look, aware that Andrew isn't so much inviting Neil's rant as much as he's poking it hard with a stick.

"Excuse me, I'm already wary of normal people walking around," Neil points out. And that's justified in his mind, given what he's been through. People are weird and should be avoided unless absolutely necessary. Neil's therapist, who he's begrudgingly getting used to, might not agree but Neil's not quite ready to fully tackle the issue yet. Instead, he gestures to the way the poor lady's face is now being eaten. "I see someone stumbling around like that? I'm not going near them! At minimum you should consider them drunk and violent."

Or at the very least: real fucking annoying.

"I think you have more survival experience than most people," Andrew says, but Neil knows he's not actually defending the character's stupidity. Andrew agrees, and his smile grows when Neil huffs.

For effect, Neil slumps back into his seat, arms crossed. When Andrew tries to reach for his hand, he playfully swats it away, doing his best to not show cracks in the mask he's wearing. It's a skill he learned from his boyfriend, the complete lack of expression. Problem is he can seldom keep it up for longer than a few minutes.

Neil eventually smirks, right on cue, turning over in the passenger seat so his body is facing Andrew. It's not nearly as seductive as he wants it to be, what with the food wrappers and wrinkly clothes, but he knows it's enough to be infuriating. "You think it's hot," he sing songs, and Andrew sighs.

This time, when he reaches out, Neil doesn't refuse the offered hand. On screen, more unassuming citizens are devoured.

The image of the crowd reminds him of the banquet, of his switched off phone that's probably blowing up with questions about where they are. It's another world at this point—the expensive suits, dinner, the rehearsed words.

Here in their car, sitting in the dark in his hoodie with his boyfriend's hand in his, Neil feels far more spoiled. That doesn't mean he's not appreciative though, and the weight of his accomplishment sits warm in his chest, flowing through him to remind him it's not a dream. He's alive, he's here, he's with—

"Yes," Andrew interrupts Neil's train of thought, voice nearly a whisper. "But your downfall is obvious."

That gets Neil's attention, though he does preen from the compliment. "Hm?"

Andrew shifts in his own seat, and for the first time that night, Neil realizes how tired the blond must be. His muscles slump with exhaustion, his eyes blinking away the strain, but it's a good tired, the kind you feel when you can finally relax and sink into your bed. Home. Neil experiences that a lot, when it's the two of them, and the scope of the feeling is only intensified by Andrew's words.

"You'd go back," he reminds Neil, because that's now something that can't be debated. Neil's breathing stutters, and he hears the unspoken words: for me.

It's no surprise that no matter how things change, Andrew's first instinct will be to chip away at something, to present a flaw to protect himself. Neil's not sure he's even aware he's doing it, the need to value himself as something lowly and not worth fighting for.

Neil will keep proving him wrong, time and time again.

"That's not a downfall, that's strengthening my team," Neil quips, and Andrew huffs a laugh, rolling his eyes.

But Neil won't let him get away with that. He picks the buzzing insecurity swarming around Andrew's head right from the air, and crushes it until there's nothing left. At least for the moment; with them it always comes back, they just get better at dealing with it.

"I mean it," Neil says, and it's not him being a shit like back at the banquet. This isn't a barrage of compliments to make Andrew flustered, and from the way the blond stills, he understands that. Neil's tone holds an almost dangerous quality, ready to slash anyone who would dare refute it. It's hollow, haunting; he would've been a much better actor for horror films than the ones in this movie. "Andrew, if you're with me, I can do anything."

That hasn't stopped being true, and he doesn't think it'll ever be the case. He won't ever be without Andrew.

Andrew doesn't tell him to be quiet or stop, just lets the words settle between them and mix with the suspenseful music from the screen. There's a muffled scream below from an open window as soon as the jump scare happens, but neither of them flinch. Andrew's gaze bores into him as the blond shifts in his seat, mirroring Neil's awkward pose.

They're both still so compact though, they make it work. Neil pulls their hands up onto the center console, rubbing the back of Andrew's palm.

"Hey," he says stupidly, after he's been staring too long. Andrew's gaze turns sleepy, gooey, if Neil will be so bold. Andrew doesn't respond to his earlier claim, and Neil knows parts of Andrew's language well enough to know that the silence speaks more towards his agreement than anything.

Andrew may not accept all of it, but he'll hold it close, he'll remember it and chew on it as much as he needs to. That's all Neil can hope for.

"Hi," Andrew whispers back, during a lull in the on screen violence, and Neil scoots as close to him as he can. He doesn't want to miss a single syllable, a breath.

Without much else to say, Neil lets the giddiness from before rise up, finally speaking on it. His smile is too much to smother, but he tries and fails. "We're in the hall of fame together."

In an instant Andrew's smile falls, but it's an obvious show. And he calls Neil dramatic; it's a shared behavior. Neil laughs uncontrollably from it, from the way Andrew shakes his head up at the roof of the car.

"Junkie," he mumbles, because there's not much more to explain.

Or so Andrew thinks. Really it's less about Exy in that moment for Neil. The part that makes him so overjoyed, that pushes him over the edge into bliss...

"I'm proud of you," Neil manages through the laughter, and repeats himself with a few reallys thrown in for good measure. But still, Andrew doesn't get it. Or he does, and he's being a shit on purpose.

"Tonight was about you, you know," the blond tries, tone suffering, but the itch of a smile threatens his blank facade again, and Neil's main job is to poke and prod it out of hiding. It's a fun game, no longer difficult. Not that he ever minded, not that he could mind anything about what makes Andrew...Andrew.

Neil looks up at the ceiling too, as if he can see through it, like he can see far beyond their universe and beyond the cosmos. They're so insignificant, he knows, but funny how these moments never feel swallowed up by the weight of it all. One day though, he supposes they'll fade into that nothingness, and that's why it's such a comfort to him, to know their names will be next to each other in some way beyond gravestones. "I know, but I just like to remind you. Everyone is going to remember you now."

Andrew is one person he doesn't want to ever be forgotten, for how he makes Neil feel...it would be criminal for that to even be a possibility. Neil huffs a laugh; Andrew's more the type to wax poetic, to say sappy bullshit and then try to act like he hasn't. But here Neil is, heart singing.

There will never be a way to leave that feeling behind as evidence, so everyone who ever doubted Andrew will know, but Neil can wish...Neil can dream. He can do whatever he wants.

Andrew tilts his head, his free hand casting itself forward, gesturing to the world beyond the screen, beyond the ends of the planet. "There’s no point in being remembered like that. When we’re gone, we’ll just be gone."

And in some ways, Neil agrees, or at least understands. Legacies only mean so much, can only withstand so much time. There will be other sports heroes, new rookies and players with their own accomplishments, their own time in the spotlight. But that's not what Neil means, not what he believes in. His fame is meaningless, it will wither and die. So will Andrew's. But...but, he's not afraid now to have that spark of want, the need to preserve as much as possible.

Though if he's being honest, and he won't tell Andrew because he's sure to refute it, there will never be as good a goalie. Neil knows that.

Neil grins gently, squeezing Andrew's hand to call his attention back to where it belongs. Andrew listens, always bends for Neil in some way. Andrew extends his free hand across his lap, and in sync, Neil lifts his leg to drape it across the console. Andrew catches his ankle gently, thumb resting in the dip of bone. Neil shivers; he's been treated with such care for years, but it's never easy to fathom all the way. Andrew's hands are weapons, and yet he cradles Neil like glass, like he's not the tainted mess he is under these clothes.

"Normally I would agree, but you’re kind of my loophole," Neil whispers, shrugging in that infuriating way, the one that communicates clearly that nothing Andrew says can convince him otherwise.

Andrew is familiar with it, and is no longer dead set on fighting Neil every step of the way.

"You're ridiculous," the blond says instead, tracing through Neil's jeans, over the memorized lines and scars of his calves. Neil wonders if he likes to do that especially in these moments, to remember Neil is real. He's not going anywhere. "I don't ever know what to do with you."

"Kiss me? That might help," Neil offers, and in the next moment Andrew is meeting him halfway over the console. Neil wasn't even aware he'd shifted so close, but then he's surrounded by just Andrew. There's a hand in his hair, tangling the curls, and his mouth opens for Andrew's like a switch has been pulled. It's automatic, a craving satisfied. Over the years, Andrew's kisses became predictable, the taste of him no longer surprising or laced with desperation. Despite all that, Neil thinks they're even better now.

It's an exhilarating feeling, to know someone so, so well, down to the press of his tongue and the slot of his lips.

Neil sighs when Andrew pulls away, breath hot and eyes lidded, and alright, maybe they're not completely predictable. Neil is always taken aback by how quick his body is reduced to jello, barely keeping himself upright.

It makes him brainless, makes him ramble, so it slips out again. "I want everyone to remember you," Neil breathes into Andrew's mouth, chasing him as he pulls back. Andrew's hand on his chest stops him, Andrew's stare as intense as ever.

It's quiet; Neil has no idea what's going on around him, either with the movie or the crowd. That's unheard of for him, isn't it? But he's not scared, or nervous. Eventually the instinct will come back, the urge to check the locked doors and look behind the car for things lurking in the shadows. But right them, it's just the two of them, wrapped up.

Andrew tugs on his leg, pulling Neil forward until his thighs hit the console, and looks disappointed they can't be glued at the hip. It's cute, but Neil bites his tongue on the comment. Andrew must sense it, because his eyes flash back up to Neil's face, reaching up to cradle it. Neil can predict that trajectory too, the way Andrew's fingers brush the burn marks.

"Idiot," Andrew says. "Only you get to remember me like this."

Damn you, Andrew.

The edges of Andrew's lips quirk up, triumphant in the face of Neil's stunned silence, but Neil refuses to admit he's won. Only...partially.

Neil will hold these moments for himself, close and free from prying eyes. He'll do that for as long as he can, covet them until he can't keep it in anymore. He supposes that's the best compromise either of them could ask for.

The swell of need in his chest intensifies, and he reaches forward to tug on Andrew's sleeve. It feels so dumb; he's allowed to touch more than this, he's allowed to grab and cradle Andrew's skin. But it's too much in the moment, and he tugs again, like he's right back in college.

"Home?" he whispers, unsure. Andrew looks around them, back at the screen and then at the moon hanging high in the sky. Technically, this is a double feature, and it feels almost wrong to pop this bubble around them. Neil's not sure he wants the moment to end either, not even when the credits for the first movie roll and early birds start to peel out of the lot. Headlights ghost over them, but the only move Andrew makes is to lean down and lower his seat all the way.

Neil, smiles, and knows exactly what to do.

They reach a silent agreement as Neil hops into Andrew's seat, fitting snugly against him as the new movie opens up:

No. Not yet.

Neil notes with amusement how the reporters sit, slightly more relaxed, like they're not quite ready to let go of their professional personas in favor of pulling their legs up. Soon enough, they'll get there. Neil's barely begun to scratch the surface, and he hopes their matching looks of disbelief will fade too.

Neil puts down his water, throat already aching, but if that's the price he has to pay so be it. He's been feeling extra lethargic today, underwater and tied at the ankles, but it's not enough to dissuade him. Rubbing his throat, he smiles. "We ended up really sore from sitting like that all night, but we didn't regret it," he says. The purr of the Lotus is so loud in his mind he almost expects for someone to roll up to the building in one.

Andrew had driven them extra careful that night.

Blake jots something down in his notepad, skims it, then crosses out something else. A question he no longer needs answered, perhaps. When he looks up, Neil is waiting. "That's where you went? You got a lot of flack for that disappearance."

Oh he did, lots of speculations; a feud with Kevin Day, a PR war, a statement about the sports climate.

Really, he'd just wanted some snuggles.

"I've caused worse scandals," Neil says, brushing it off. Compared to all the other segments he's had in the tabloids and news media over the years, including the reveal of his bloody family business, the hall of fame incident is far from important.

And honestly, Neil doesn't care about any of that. Rayah seems to sense that the sports talk won't get them anywhere, and she offers him a laugh. "Andrew wasn't very social, was he?"

Ah, good. They're learning.

Neil's demeanor changes, happily steered in the direction of Andrew, and he leans back. An understatement.

"Neither of us were," he replies, examining his nail beds. That's not entirely it though, and he knew it then too. He's not sure why he never called Andrew out on it, maybe because it was so obvious he didn't need to. "But...I think in that case he was just trying to protect me. I was tired from all the preparations all week. Even when I was young, Andrew wasn’t really keen on letting me stretch myself to my limits."

In fact, after his freshman year of college, no threats in sight, Andrew's protectiveness was even more apparent. Neil endangering himself was a thing of the past, and Andrew made sure to keep it that way. After Baltimore, Andrew simply wouldn't tolerate it. He was aware of Neil's exhaustion, his fatigue, and while he never babied Neil, he wouldn't stop himself from intervening when he could sense Neil would not.

The stress of the hall of fame ceremony sapped Neil clean of any energy, that final speech pushed him to the edge. So Andrew took his hand, and pulled him away from it.

The two reporters share a look then, and Neil gets that surge of annoyance. Andrew would tell him to calm down, that it doesn't matter, but well...

Andrew isn't here, and Neil can be as angry as he wants when people misinterpret their relationship.

After a while, Rayah clears her throat, cutting the tension. At least she has the decency to treat him with the same respect he's giving them and not lie. Neil was never one for politeness. "I'll be honest, it’s hard to imagine someone like Andrew Minyard being that way. He sounds so gentle when you talk about him."

Though the insinuation was clear: to everyone else, he was the exact opposite.

"He had a lot of sides to him," Neil responds, because it's better than the petty response of well he was. He supposes that's not fair, not to them and not to Andrew. He plays with the watch on his wrist, now a little dated and not nearly as shiny. He's pretty sure the time is off now, so he's still the rabbit, running late.

"He could be so caring, but he never gave up his firmness, or his no bullshit nature. Believe me, if he didn't agree with me, he would've let me know. He had a way of snapping me out of bad decisions...not always kindly," Neil says, still grinning.

"You sound like you didn't mind," Blake says, though the confusion is still clear.

Neil had been deceived and led astray so much in his life, forced to swallow lies and spit them back out. Being with Andrew was so freeing; he never had to worry about those things ever again.

"No, I...I loved that about him," he says quietly. He's having a bad time with words, nothing new there. It's hard to make it sensical without having experienced the relationship first hand. He wishes Dan were here, she's able to convince people of anything. Still, he pushes, he needs to explain this if nothing else. "No one ever bothered to see Andrew beyond the hard exterior. Like you said...you can't see Andrew as gentle. Well, he was seldom anything but around me as we got older. I trusted him not to lie to me, and to take care of me, and I did the same in return."

He realizes his voice is taking on a desperate quality, but he can't help it. He could fill books with anecdotes, times where Andrew held him close or was just an absolute pillar of comfort. Try as he might today, he knows he'll never say enough.

People will still remember Andrew primarily as an unfeeling ghost, as the person who punched other players or was quick to anger, though that was far from the truth. Unless Neil makes his case here, that'll never go away.

"It's not that either of you ever provided proof," Blake says, and flinches at Neil's glare. It's a fiery thing, he hasn't used it in a while, but he assumes it's still just as acidic from how guilty the reporter looks. He stutters, and backtracks as best he can. "And based on what you said, I totally get why! It's just—"

Rayah, who is far better at making a case for the public's idiocy, is quick to lean forward. "There were only a few moments people ever saw him act like he cared as much as you say," she tells him, and it's followed by a wince. "One of them...wasn't exactly happy."

Oh.

In an instant, Neil knows exactly what they mean. It was all over the place, wasn't it?

He almost forgets that; he was too busy drowning in his own terror. It was over forty years ago and yet the memory is so strong, the same pain shoots up Neil's legs. The nausea is faint, a reminder of how unbearable and sleepless the following few nights were. He remembers a sickening crack and the shout of people, the flash of cameras.

And Andrew.

Always Andrew, running towards him.

Yes, he supposes it's hard to challenge that moment between them, to categorize Andrew's actions as anything other than fierce protectiveness and worry. Yet when Neil thinks of that incident...what the public saw barely scratched the surface.

He can still feel Andrew's hands digging into his shoulders, can hear the slow footsteps walking into their home...

The room is quiet for a beat too long, and Rayah and Blake exchange a look. It's Blake that eventually clears his throat, and Neil regards him slowly, trying to shake off the beast of a memory.

It's over, it passed. But...it was important, so...

"Are we allowed to ask about that day?" Blake asks, voice small and gauging Neil's reaction.

He sighs; he can't exactly avoid it. There's lots more stories to tell after the fact that won't feel the same without the context, but there will be some conditions.

Neil nods once, tightly. He spreads it out in his head, and an old beat of paranoia surges up in him. Stupid. He's not that dangerous anymore, no one is watching him, no one is looking for him. But it has him looking at the door anyways, wondering if the room is bugged or lined with cameras he can't see. Well, he'll just be careful.

He flattens his hands across the blanket, chewing on his words. "I suppose it would be a disservice to what I'm trying to do if I didn't talk about it," Neil answers, gesturing to Rayah. "Go ahead."

Neil braces himself before taking the plunge, and gets lost in his past once again.

"The day you were injured, what was it like?"

#andreil #aftg #all for the game #andrew minyard #neil josten

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sage-nebula · 6 years

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It’s all well and good for me to complain about how terribly written the Alola games are, but I feel as though I need to offer up an alternative (from both a plot and character standpoint) in order to show what it is I would have liked (read: loved) from them instead. So for the sake of my own self-indulgence, I’m going to do just that. I recognize that not everyone will like the ideas I have, and that’s fine. I can’t please everyone. But if I had been in charge of writing the games, then this is the story that I would have told---the one that I would have enjoyed both playing through and writing, if given the opportunity.

So first, right off the bat: Back before SM was released, we had a lot of Wild Mass Guessing about the Aether family actually being Ultra Beasts due to how much Lillie resembles UB-01 (a fact that no longer makes sense as of USUM, because Lusamine hates Ultra Beasts in USUM and thus it doesn’t explain why she would want to dress her daughter up like Nihilego), and how much Lusamine resembles UB-02 Beauty. This ended up being jossed, obviously, but I’m going to go ahead and keep it (with a bit of tweaking, perhaps) because of all the theories the Pokémon fandom has ever come up with, that was far and away my favorite. I would say I’m sorry if that’s a theory that anyone reading this disliked (a few people in the fandom were quite nasty about people who liked the theory for reasons I don’t really understand), but the truth is that I’m not sorry, at all. Not even a little. I like the theory, so I’m going to indulge in the theory, because there’s no reason not to indulge in the theory.

So, that said:

In this version of events, the Aether family originally hail from Ultra Space. More specifically: In this version of events, all of the residents of Ultra Space are Ultra Beasts who can, under the right circumstances, take humanoid form. I say “humanoid” because while they look and can act human, they’re still Ultra Beasts (and probably call themselves something else, but for the sake of ease). They’re just in a form that more closely resembles humans. Regardless (and back on subject), the Aether family are all Ultra Beasts who originally hail from Ultra Space, which is itself a dimension that is rather withered and barren insofar as resources go. Please note that this is an idea I had conceived long before USUM released and the Ultra Recon Squad started prattling on about Necrozma stealing light or whatever else it did. In my version of events, the reason why Ultra Space is suffering as much as it is is because it has been ravaged by various wars and conflicts which destroyed the land and drained them of all means of resources. Ultra Space is dying, not because some legendary pokémon (Ultra Beast?) “stole light,” but rather because continuous conflict has salted the land, sapped essential life energy (think like the energy that creates Infinity Energy or powers the ultimate weapon in the prime dimension), diminished goods and food, et cetera. For the past several decades there have been Ultra Beasts / people in Ultra Space who have been looking for a way to conserve what precious little they have left, even as there are still political strife and conflicts that are tearing them apart in other (slower, subtler) ways. The situation has become increasingly more dire, and at this point even those who are causing a lot of the strife have started to realize that they need to find a solution, and fast.

When she was still in Ultra Space, Lusamine was a royal / noble alchemist who was devoted to her research. Her research covered various fields; she was tasked with things such as the development of technology that could conserve (but also absorb) life energy, but she also studied things such as the Gates between different dimensions and worlds, as well as the status of other dimensions and realities once they were discovered. Lusamine made the discovery of the prime dimension that houses both humans and pokémon, and while her research was limited while she was still in Ultra Space, she was able to deduce that the prime dimension might have enough resources to get Ultra Space back on its feet. If she managed to pull this off, not only would her entire world be saved, but she would also be hailed above all else. Even though she was not currently royalty herself, if she managed to save the entire dimension, no doubt she wouldn’t merely be a top alchemist anymore. They would make her queen. If nothing else, her name would go down in history forever, so there is that. No matter the angle from which she looked at this, taking resources from the prime dimension as we know it was the right thing for her to do. So Lusamine, this plan in mind, opened a Gate (read: Ultra Wormhole) to get through to the prime dimension and went through it, taking her two newborn twin children (Gladion and Lillie) with her when she went.

Once in the prime dimension, Lusamine assumed her humanoid form to better blend in and use the humans in the dimension around her. Although from her perspective pokémon are superior beings to humans (and Ultra Beasts are the most supreme beings of all), she knew enough to know that humans are the ones that actually move things in this world. Pokémon, despite being superior, are often treated as pets or subservient creatures. Thus, she assumed a humanoid form so as to be “equal” to the humans around her (a laughable concept in her mind, but one she is willing to play along with), and used alchemy to modify Gladion and Lillie so that their default forms would be their humanoid forms, and so that they would not be able to change form on a whim. Unfortunately, she couldn’t modify them wholesale; should they come in physical contact with pokémon, an alchemical transmutation would occur, which would cause them to lose their humanoid forms and revert to their beast forms. For this reason, Lusamine always impressed upon them that they were never to touch pokémon, no matter what.

Either way, raising her children was honestly pretty low on her priority list, outside of what use she had for them in furthering her plan, which was to use her alchemy to create a universal transmutation on the prime dimension. This transmutation was set to kill every single human in the world, absorbing the energy from their souls and bodies to be used to restore life to Ultra Space. The pokémon, meanwhile, would also be transmutated, but the transmutation that would occur on them would be to transmutate them into Ultra Beasts. (This feat, Lusamine felt, would be possible due to the fact that pokémon are capable of spontaneous evolution; their DNA allows for them to be successfully transmutated into other creatures entirely. Humans, meanwhile (primitive beings that they are in her eyes) are only capable of evolution over millions of years. Therefore, such a transmutation would be impossible with them, and it would instead be far more prudent to use their life energy to restore life to the Ultra Space dimension.) Once transmutated to Ultra Beasts, the “pokémon” would go to live in Ultra Space, and all of the remaining resources in the prime dimension (food, medicines, whatever else) would also be taken there. The husk of the prime dimension would be left to rot, while Ultra Space would flourish once again. A perfect plan, in Lusamine’s eyes.

That said, this perfect plan was not one that could be put into practice immediately. To begin with, Lusamine didn’t yet have the alchemical formula or resources to create a universal transmutation. Secondly, she couldn’t develop that formula or gather those resources by herself, and particularly not when she had two newborn children to consider. As such, Lusamine came up with the idea of gathering those to assist her. As mentioned previously, humans, though inferior, are the ones that run the world in the prime dimension. Lusamine recognized that she would need to use them in order to carry out her plans. She also recognized that humans were moved by grand causes, and that humans respected organizations more than individuals. With that in mind, she founded the Aether Foundation (presumably with money that she created through alchemy, because while it is impossible to create gold via alchemy in real life, this is not real life: this is Pokémon). The Aether Foundation’s mission statement in this version of events is that they are, “a foundation dedicated to the protection of pokémon, as well as the promise of progress toward a more enlightened future.” In other words, the Aether Foundation still purports to be deeply invested in pokémon conservation on the surface, as well as behind many of the scientific technologies and discoveries throughout the Alola region (and possibly beyond). In this version of events, the Aether Foundation created the Z-Rings, for example. The Aether Foundation is behind the cultivation of pokébeans. The Aether Foundation more or less has the Alola region eating out of their hand, particularly since they go after groups such as Team Skull and “take care of” them (again, at least on the surface). The Aether Foundation are basically seen as beacons of light who can do no wrong by the people in Alola. They work closely with professors and justice officials alike. The fact that they have money flowing from them despite being supposedly nonprofit doesn’t hurt.

Either way, all of this is a front for Lusamine’s true goals. While the Aether Foundation does heavily involve themselves in pokémon conservation to a degree (and while they do “rescue” pokémon from bad environments), the real reason why they do this (aside from cultivating a pristine public image) is because they use those pokémon in experiments. Aside from experiments that explicitly further her goal of opening a more permanent Gate between Ultra Space and the prime dimension so that she can successfully complete the transference later, Lusamine also runs experiments dedicated to creating chimeras that can indirectly be used to further these goals (hence the creation of Type: Null). These chimeras are created via gene splicing and transmutations committed on otherwise ordinary pokémon, and serve the following purposes:

They prove that transmutations that change the forms of pokémon are indeed possible.

They create new creatures that can potentially form soulmate bonds with Ultra Beasts, who otherwise don’t have them.

That second point plays more into part of the plot of my fic To Devour the Sun, and in all honesty, I’m not sure that I would actually put this aspect into the games, although it does contribute to Gladion’s, Null’s, Lillie’s, and Nebby’s individual stories. In essence, through her research Lusamine comes to realize that a significant amount of a very specific type of energy is needed to:

Open the interdimensional Gate to the degree which she needs it opened, + keep it open for as long as she needs it to be open for.

Successfully complete the universal transmutation.

This very specific type of energy is one that isn’t found in individual beings. In truth, it’s not even found in ordinary relationships. Instead, Lusamine discovers that there are certain humans and pokémon who share a far more deep and powerful bond than others---not in terms of “we’ve spent so much more time together and like each other more”, but rather in a more ineffable, mystical, profound sort of way. They are, to put it bluntly, literal platonic soulmates. One soul, two bodies, as it were. The bond shared between them creates an actual energy under the right circumstances, which---if harnessed---could be used to create the most powerful transmutation that any universe has ever seen, particularly if magnified with several different pairs (three pairs is Lusamine’s ideal). Unfortunately, bonds like this are exceptionally rare, and all but impossible to find. Lusamine has been trying, of course; she manufactured Z-Rings and created a partnership with Samson Oak / Kahuna Hala in order to have them distributed to beginning trainers in order to see if, through the use of Z-Power, she could identify any soulmate pairs there within Alola, but there is a very large and noticeable difference between trying and succeeding when it comes to the billions of people and pokémon on the planet, particularly since platonic soulmates don’t always find one another. Although Lusamine doesn’t enjoy admitting that anything is beyond her capabilities, she did admit that there was a high probability of failure when it came to identifying and acquiring even one pair of platonic soulmates before the Promised Day, much less three, and so she set about trying to manufacture platonic soulmates right there in Aether Paradise, using her own children to do so.

Essentially, as I mentioned, Ultra Beasts naturally do not have this soulmate bond with any pokémon because they hail from a different dimension entirely, and pokémon do not exist in their dimension. (Of course, humans in this dimension would call Ultra Beasts pokémon, but there’s a whole discussion to be had about that classification and what separates pokémon from other beings, and now isn’t the time for it.) With that said, if Lusamine could create that bond using her children and created beings, then she would at least have two pairs as opposed to none. Moreover, if she could create that bond between her children and created beasts, then there’s nothing saying she couldn’t manufacture it using another chimera and whatever other human she chose. So while she continued the search for platonic soulmates naturally found within the realm she planned to parasitize, she also worked on trying to manufacture that soulmate bond between her children and chimeras.

And in this version of events, this is why Type: Null and Nebby were created (because yes, in this version of events, Nebby was artificially created as well).

Both Gladion and Lillie were put through what they called “Science Days” ever since they were very small. “Science Days” consisted of days where they had blood drawn and tests run on them, as well as days in which they had to perform various tests that often resembled obstacle courses or complex puzzles which sometimes punished them with things like electric shocks for reasons they didn’t understand. The reason, of course, was that various chimeras and created beings (eventually Null and Nebby) were being similarly tested in other rooms, and all four were supposed to have the bond that would allow them to feel the experiences of the other, thus creating that powerful energy. However, it didn’t work. The closest they got was Null with Gladion and Nebby with Lillie, but in both cases the experiments ultimately culminated in failure, even after Lusamine created controlled situations in which Gladion and Null were able to bond emotionally (and the same with Lillie and Nebby). As it happens, soulmate bonds are just not able to be manufactured, despite how hard Lusamine tried. Her children were not going to be able to be used for this part of the transmutation, and she wouldn’t be able to manufacture that bond between a human and pokémon of her choosing, either.

(Side note 1: This is actually good for both Gladion and Lillie, for while Lusamine was quite disappointed and frustrated at the ultimate failure of these experiments, it isn’t as if the soulmates in question would come out unscathed. The soulmate pairs were always referred to in Lusamine’s notes as sacrifices. In order to utilize the energy generated from their bond, they would be sacrificed at the crux of the transmutation, that energy ripped from them. There is a very high probability that they would die from this part of the transmutation, hence the sacrificed bit. Even if they didn’t, the humans would have their life energy taken from them anyway, while the pokémon would be transmutated into Ultra Beasts. In the case of Gladion and Lillie, they would be allowed to live on if they survived . . . but considering that Lusamine was trying to force platonic soulmate bonds between them and other living creatures, they would be left completely emotionally devastated and traumatized from the transmutation. So it’s fortunate for them that these experiments failed, in the long run. And yes, Lusamine was planning to do that to her own children. She really does not care about them outside of what they can do for her.

Side note 2: In an animeverse adaptation of this (read: To Devour the Sun), Alan and Lizardon would be one such soulmate pair. So would Ash and Pikachu. The third pair is TBD, but considering Bonnie was able to break through brainwashing by singing to Squishy, it’s extremely possible and probable that the two of them would fit the third pair quite nicely.)

Of course, it should be noted that not everyone in the Aether Foundation were aware of Lusamine’s ultimate goals (or even what Lusamine and her children actually are). In fact, most are not. It’s mentioned in USUM (and absolutely true here) that many of the employees within the Aether Foundation aren’t aware of what all the others do due to how many of them there are. More to the point, Lusamine intends to use these humans. They are pawns to her, and she knows that pawns have a high probability of becoming unruly if they are made aware that they are all going to be drained and reduced to lifeless husks at the culmination of the plan. Thus, while the Aether Foundation’s employees are all diligent and loyal workers, they’re all pretty much kept in the dark about Lusamine’s ultimate goals, as well as the fact that Lusamine and her children are not actually human. Even the vast majority of the scientists who create the chimeras, assist in testing on sacrifice candidates, use alchemical discoveries in medicinal and technological sciences, and otherwise help investigate the opening of Gates / Ultra Wormholes still aren’t aware of what the ultimate end result is. They aren’t aware that Ultra Beasts exist, and they certainly aren’t aware that their beloved Madame President is an Ultra Beast herself.

The only exceptions to this are Wicke and Faba.

Wicke was originally hired because Lusamine needed someone to keep an eye on Gladion and Lillie when they were small. However, in addition to using Wicke as a nanny, Lusamine also used her to help run tests and experiments on Science Days. This required Wicke to know that Gladion and Lillie weren’t actually human, so that she would actually understand the data she saw when she came read the results of their blood samples and DNA tests. Lusamine told Wicke the truth insofar as her and the children’s true nature; she also revealed to her that she planned to drain the world of its resources so as to restore Ultra Space to a thriving state. What she failed to tell Wicke was that Wicke herself would also die; instead, she promised Wicke that she (and other worthy, noble humans) would be spared, allowed to live in paradise in Ultra Space. Given that Wicke, in this version of events, is the type of person who views most others as corrupt, nasty, sinful people who make the world a worse place for the few good souls in the world, this plan delighted her. She saw Lusamine not as a monster, but as an angel, a savior for their corrupt and ugly world. Wicke willingly helps Lusamine, knowing full well who she is and (most of) what she intends, because she believes that ultimately it will lead to a world free of sin and corruption. She, of course, doesn’t know that Lusamine is lying to and using her.

As for Faba, given that he is the Branch Chief and head scientist (as far as the humans go), he also knows all about Ultra Beasts and the eventual plan to drain the world. Like Wicke, Faba believes he will be spared, but with an added twist. Faba has bought into the notion that humans are inherently inferior to Ultra Beasts, and that Ultra Beasts are supreme beings in every way. Faba wishes to become one of those supreme beings. Lusamine has lied to him, leading him to believe that he will be transmutated into an Ultra Beast like herself at the end of it. So Faba diligently helps her toward this goal, believing that he will ascend into being a superior life form by the end of it all. Again, it’s a lie, but Lusamine feels that Faba doesn’t need to know that. She has no need to tell the truth to such an inferior being.

Those are the only two exceptions. All the others, even if they believe that what the Aether Foundation is doing will lead to “a more enlightened future”, don’t actually know what that means. The scientists know they’re doing illegal, horrific things (at least, those involved in things like chimera creation and the various soulmate tests know they’re doing illegal, horrific things), but they don’t know the actual end result of the illegal, horrific things beyond the immediately obvious. They don’t know that they’re actually helping assist in the end of the known universe. They just know that, apparently, the immense suffering they’re putting these pokémon / chimeras / people through is ultimately going to be worth it. (Plus, for some of them, being able to successfully assist in the creation of new life forms is a rush. I’m sure that’s how Dr Fuji felt when he created Mewtwo in the experiment that eventually led to the ban of gene splicing to begin with.)

All of that said, although they are her children, Gladion and Lillie were also kept in the dark about much of this for a very long time. As mentioned, Lusamine does not actually love them, or even care about them that much; she has them, but she views them in terms of what they can be used for, what they can do and accomplish. This is why she is willing to sacrifice them, and this is why she runs experiments on them even from the time they are very small. This is also why she doesn’t even bother to tell them that they’re Ultra Beasts for a very long time. Instead, Gladion and Lillie at first grow up believing that they are all humans, particularly since they were only infants when Lusamine brought them over from Ultra Space, and thus they have no recollection of Ultra Space whatsoever. Alola is the only home they’ve ever known. It isn’t until an accident causes Gladion to come into physical contact with a pokémon (and that the transmutation causes him to revert to his beast form, which in turn causes him to panic and briefly lose control until Lusamine is able to transmutate him back) that she reveals the truth to both of them, privately and away from others. They were eight or nine* at the time (depending on if we want them to be ten or eleven in canon), and that was when they learned that they were Ultra Beasts, that they should not refer to Wicke as “Aunt Wicke” any longer or treat any other humans with any form of respect, and that ultimately, this world was going to be reduced to a lifeless husk in favor of their “real home”, Ultra Space.

Needless to say, both Gladion and Lillie were horrified, though their reactions differed greatly.

Gladion, ever more vocal and blunt about his thoughts and opinions, openly spoke out against Lusamine. He had always been one to argue back, to speak out against her orders and point out instances in which she failed to properly explain things to them, or in which her actions caused fault. For instance, in that very conversation, when Lusamine makes a dig at how “Gladion’s little . . . incident” revealed to them their true natures, and that this was why she always told them to never touch pokémon, Gladion mutters that she never told them why. This prompts Lusamine to say that, “Backtalk is still backtalk even if it is under your breath, Gladion” and “do it again, and your discipline will not be verbal.” Nonetheless, though this warning (threat, really) silences him on that matter, when he learns that Lusamine plans to commit a universal transmutation, he openly speaks out against her plan. Alola is the only home he has ever known, and while Lusamine insists that humans are inferior, Gladion doesn’t see it that way. Lusamine, of course, doesn’t appreciate his speaking out, and the argument eventually ends with Lusamine striking him across the face and banishing him to his room. He goes, though he doesn’t stay (but more on that in a moment).

Lillie, on the other hand, rarely (if ever) speaks out against her mother. In this conversation she tentatively questions Lusamine at various points, but mostly falls back on silence, and trying to comfort / calm her brother through squeezing his hand to remind him of the danger. When the true plan is revealed, she is just as horrified as Gladion is, but even when he whirls on her to demand that she speak up, too, her voice fails her and she merely says, in a small voice, that he should calm down, and that “Mother . . . Mother must know best.” Lillie doesn’t believe this, not really, but she can’t bring herself to speak against Lusamine the way Gladion can and does. When Gladion is slapped, Lillie cries out for him, but he ends up bolting to his room (after being ordered there by her mother) before she can say a word to comfort him.

Gladion decides to leave home that night. He decides, despite being so young, that he is going to find a way to stop Lusamine and save Alola / this universe that he calls home. If nothing else, he has decided that he can no longer bear to live there. The tests and experiments are horrible. The suffering the pokémon undergo is horrible. And even if the three of them are monsters, Lusamine is the greatest monster of all. He can’t take it anymore. He can’t. And he will (though he doesn’t know how yet) find a way to stop her.

Lillie is, of course, quite upset when she returns to their room to find Gladion furiously shoving things into a little knapsack to take with him. It should be noted that in this version of events, they are not only siblings, but best friends. They are twins, and have been together literally since the moment they were born. Although they are quite different, they click naturally, and love each other dearly (as shown in various ways, such as how Gladion braids Lillie’s hair or Lillie calms him by taking his hand, or how they call each other Lils and Gladie). So to learn that Gladion plans to run away from home is greatly upsetting to Lillie, who in turn tries to convince him to stay. Gladion, of course, isn’t having it. Still upset at what he perceives as Lillie not standing by him through the incident that just happens, Gladion demands to know why Lillie isn’t as upset about this as he is. Lillie objects, saying that of course she is, but Lusamine is their mother, they need to stand by her. Gladion furiously retorts that no they do not, that their mother is horrible and what they need to do is the right thing. The right thing, Lillie insists, is staying together as a family, is making a change here, at home---they can convince her, they can talk to her---but Gladion points out that convincing their mother of anything is impossible, and that’s more than obvious. She won’t listen because she doesn’t care, and he doesn’t know how Lillie can stand there and defend her.

“I’m not defending what she’s doing, I’m saying that leaving isn’t right!”

“Leaving is the only right thing! It’s the only way we can find a way to stop her!”

“How? You don’t even know what’s out there---”

“Neither do you!”

This fight---their first real fight---goes around and around in circles, and by the end of it, both are crying (though Lillie more openly; Gladion keeps scrubbing his tears away). The end result is that Gladion still decides to leave, while Lillie decides to stay. Gladion takes Null with him; although the soulmate bond experiments failed, he was allowed to bond emotionally with Null, thus he feels compelled to take Null on as his partner (particularly once Lillie reminds him that there are wild pokémon out there in Alola, and that he will need something to keep them from touching him and exposing his real form to everyone in Alola). Lillie walks with him to the docks, assists him in stealing a boat. He tries one last time to get her to leave with him.

“Come with me, Lils,” he says---pleads, really. “We can make a difference together---we can figure this out together. We can beat her together.”

“I won’t abandon our home or family,” Lillie says. She won’t look at him. His face hardens.

“Fine,” he says shortly. “Do whatever you want.”

And then he leaves.

Now, it should be noted that Lusamine was fully aware of all of this happening. She not only monitored Gladion and Lillie as they retrieved Null, but also witnessed the entire scene at the docks. She saw Gladion leave, and she saw Lillie assist him. The next day, she confronted Lillie over this. She asked Lillie where Gladion was, and Lillie said she didn’t know. Lusamine rephrased her question, asking that even if Lillie didn’t know Gladion’s exact location, if she knew where he went the previous night instead of returning to (or perhaps after leaving) their shared bedroom.

Lillie, determinedly not making eye contact, once again said that she didn’t know, but she was sure he was somewhere around Aether Paradise. Or at least, that was what she started to say, but the moment the words, “I don’t know, Mother. He was in bed when I went to sleep---” left her mouth, she received a hand across her cheek forceful enough to prevent her saying anything more.

Lusamine revealed, then, that she knew that Gladion ran away. She revealed that she knew Lillie had assisted him. And even as Lillie tried to apologize and offer excuses, Lusamine interrupted her with another backhand. She wanted to make sure, you see, that Lillie would not commit the same crime that Gladion did. She wanted to make sure that Lillie was too afraid to ever betray and disobey her in such a way. She told Lillie that she saw her assisting Gladion as one betrayal already. She told Lillie that the lies were completely unacceptable and would not be so easily forgiven in the future. She told Lillie that she hated disciplining her, and dearly hoped that Lillie would not make her do so again in the future.

“Promise me, Lillie,” Lusamine said. “Say, ‘I promise I won’t make you hurt me again, Mother.’”

“I . . . I promise I won’t make you hurt me again, Mother,” Lillie said. She didn’t lift her eyes from the floor.

But Lusamine smiled, and stroked her hand down Lillie’s swollen cheek. “There’s my good girl.”

A reminder that, in this moment, Lillie was about eight or nine years old. A reminder, too, that she would see this punishment as a result of Gladion running away, something that she had already felt was wrong. This incident, while serving to make her more docile and compliant to her mother’s wishes and plans, would further her resentment against her twin brother (former) best friend forever. Lusamine, of course, is tangentially aware of this. As far as she’s concerned, it’s all for the betterment of her plans.

Gladion, upon reaching the mainland, has no idea what to do. He is homeless, and has barely any money in this version of events (and therefore nothing to live on). Since he is so young (eight or nine, remember) no respectable business will hire him, and in fact, though the police officers in Alola are generally useless and do nothing, at one point at least one of them says that since he seems to be a lost kid, they will get him in contact with his parents. This thought terrifies Gladion, for obvious reasons, and he only just barely manages to escape with Null’s help. All in all, though, this means that he is now a homeless, starving child. There is essentially no hope for himself or Null. They’re living on berries, which is hardly enough for Null (let alone) Gladion, and that’s . . .

. . . that’s when they come across Team Skull.

In this version of events, Team Skull is a bit different. Make no mistake, they are still a large street gang. To me, it has always been fairly obvious that Team Skull are based on chinpira, a Japanese word that roughly translates to “delinquent” or “gang member”. In Japan, chinpira are sometimes referred to as “baby yakuza” or “yakuza in training”, and that translates here to Team Skull being Team Rocket wannabes. All of that is kept the same in this version of events, right down to them probably owning Po Town, as decrepit and disgusting as it is.

With that said, there are some slight changes. Guzma, while still an irresponsible fuck-up who isn’t good for anything, is no longer being manipulated by Lusamine. In fact, since he considers himself to be the boss here (punk-ass Giovanni wannabe), he refuses to be manipulated or ordered around by anybody (except Plumeria, kind of, but more on her in a second). He’s not nearly as abusive to the Skull grunts in this version of events, or at least not to the point where he laughs as he kicks them around, and they flee the scene the second he gets even a little angry for any reason. Instead, given that they’re all Rocket wannabes, he actually tries to promote some sense of “team unity,” at least in the sense that “we’re gonna rule the place and be better than anyone else and no one better say a fuckin’ word against it.” They still don’t want to cross him, but they’re also not as afraid to, if that makes sense.

Plumeria, meanwhile, is the one really in charge. As the only responsible one in the whole organization, she’s the one that actually comes up with successful plans and keeps everyone in line. Also, while the grunts may occasionally say words against Guzma (very sparingly and quietly), Plumeria is the only one that can tell him what to do and have it actually get done, even if he comes back fifteen minutes later ranting at her about how she can’t give him orders, he’s the boss. Yeah, okay. Plumeria still considers herself to be a big sister to the Skull grunts, all of whom she openly calls dipshits and dumbasses, so that part is kept the same as well.

All of this said, Gladion is in a very desperate situation when Skull comes across him, so when Guzma says he should join up, he jumps at the chance. In this version of events he is taken back to Po Town to live in the mansion (since Guzma can’t exactly afford to pay him), and he considers himself a Skull grunt as a result. Even so, things aren’t really easy. Living in Po Town is barely a step above homeless, given how decrepit it is. Even if Guzma isn’t as abusive to everyone in this version of events, there is still constantly yelling and fighting going on in the mansion, which Gladion---as an abuse survivor---is constantly put on edge by. The Skull grunts are by and large freaked out by Null, which also makes bonding with them hard. The only one that Gladion ends up truly getting along with is Plumeria, whom he does form somewhat of a sibling bond with (something he justifies to himself by saying that Lillie is his twin, not his older sister, so it’s not as if he’s replacing her, especially since he’s the older twin besides). Otherwise, he doesn’t really get along with the rest of the team. Food is still scarce. Everyone in Alola views them as criminals and degenerates, something which is frustrating to Gladion because, even if he doesn’t really bond with Team Skull, he still has a weird sort of loyalty to them regardless. So for the next two years he lives as an outcast to society, living on scraps of food where he can get them, trying to get stronger and find a way to stop his mother’s plans, constantly stressed out and anxious due to all the fighting in the house in which he lives, and also constantly trying to keep a low profile since, although she let him leave, Lusamine is still having her Aether Foundation employees search for him to drag him and Null back to Aether Paradise, and he knows it. (And knows, too, that if he gets taken back there . . . not only will his punishment not be verbal, but it will be brutal, and Null will likely be put down. He knows this, and he does not want it to happen under any circumstances.)

Lillie, on the other hand, remains at Aether Paradise for at least one more year. The “Science Day” tests are no longer carried out since Lusamine has already decided that Lillie cannot be used to manufacture a soulmate bond. However, she is now deeply involved in overseeing and assisting with the other experiments, since Lusamine plans to turn Lillie into a little “mini Lusamine” that she can use as she pleases to carry out experiments and the like, like an extra set of eyes and hands. Lillie, of course, doesn’t want to. However, Lillie is also deeply terrified of crossing her mother, and feels that doing so is impossible and fruitless. She doesn’t believe her mother really can be stopped, not really. In this version of events, in contrast to her brother’s angry defiance, Lillie has quiet resignation. She goes along with it because she feels she has no other choice, even though she dearly, desperately wishes that things could be different, and prays that no soulmate pairs (sacrifices) will ever be found.

After a year or so of that, however, Lusamine arranges for Lillie to leave Aether Paradise, and instead go work as an assistant for one of the regional professors. Here is where things would differ slightly between the games and the anime. In the games, Lusamine specifically sends Lillie to work as Professor Burnet’s assistant so that she can keep an eye on Burnet’s research, both because Lusamine feels that Burnet may have research that can assist in her own alchemical experiments, and also because she wants to ensure that Burnet does not interfere with her experiments. In the anime, however, Lusamine sends Lillie to be a plant at Samson Oak’s school, so that she can keep an eye on the students there and see if there are any potential candidates for sacrifice. At first there aren’t, and Lillie is relieved; soon enough, however, Ash Ketchum and his platonic soulmate Pikachu arrive at the school, and Lillie is internally devastated as she realizes she has to relay this information back to her mother (information being every time she sees them use a Z-Move, what the results are, and various other things like that which more or less mark Ash as a confirmed sacrifice), and as she feels more and more with each passing day that she truly does not want to and wishes that somehow, in some way, this could all be so very different. (Side note: In this version of the anime, Ash and Lillie would be roommates, the two of them sharing Professor Kukui’s loft. Ash would at some point make a joke about how this must be what it would feel like to have a sister, and he doesn’t understand why Lillie looks so stricken, offended, and angry as she sputters, “You are not my brother!” before storming off. He’s actually a little hurt by this, because jeez, what did he do to have her be so upset at the idea of having him for a brother? But he doesn’t bring it up again, and doesn’t realize until much later that it wasn’t the idea of having him for a brother that upset her so much, but rather, sudden memories and thoughts of Gladion that reduced her to such an emotional state.)

It should be noted here (though it is likely obvious) that I would be altering not only Lusamine’s characterization, but also Gladion’s and Lillie’s. To give a succinct summary:

Gladion would be a lot more openly rebellious, hostile, and fiery. He would still be closed off and prickly toward others, but rather than appearing cold and reserved, it would often be like he is a heavily shaken can of soda that can explode at any moment. A lot of this has to do with the abuse he suffered through at Aether Paradise, but also the continuing trauma of living among Team Skull and that chaotic, unpredictable, stressful environment for the past two years (because even if he isn’t being as directly abused, you can’t relax in a home where you have to be on alert for a bottle that might get thrown at your head, accidentally or otherwise, at any moment). He’s constantly keyed-up and hypervigilant for any perceived threat. He’s angry at so many things, and he’s smart, but his emotions can sometimes get the better of him and override his logic (or rather, prevent him from thinking things through clearly). He has no tolerance for naivete or optimistic, idealistic outlooks (something which carries over from the canon), and though he does bond with Plumeria, that was kind of an accident and he has no real interest in bonding with anyone else. He still cares deeply for Null, and for Lillie, although he resents and is angry with her both for not coming with him when he left home, and also for continuing to assist their mother.

Lillie is a lot more standoffish, cold, and reserved. She hardened herself to try and survive her mother’s increased abuse after Gladion left, feeling that since the situation is so hopeless as it is, it would be better if she didn’t let on about how she felt at all so as not to make things even worse for herself. Like Gladion, she’s very smart. Unlike Gladion, she not only had specialized tutoring by Lusamine in order to better assist with Lusamine’s plans, but she also has a natural tendency to freeze rather than blaze into action, thus allowing her to constantly think things through before making decisions (though that said, she usually overthinks things, in all honesty). She, too, has a low tolerance for naivete, idealism, or optimism, but her cynicism manifests in cold silences rather than harsh insults. She also has a low patience for perceived stupidity and foolishness, and thus not only tends to correct those who make mistakes around her, but also can be a little sarcastic as well (traits she, as much as she would hate to realize it, learned from Lusamine, who, if you’ll remember, wanted to make Lillie into a little clone of herself). Lillie is also not in the mood and has no desire to make friends, particularly since she figures everyone will eventually die anyway. The one exception to this is Nebby, whom Lusamine allowed Lillie to take with her, and who actually has a pokéball this time around.

As you can see, where Gladion is fire, Lillie is ice. While Gladion learns to chill out some over the course of the plot, Lillie learns to warm up. They have very, very similar character arcs, though approached from different angles. But as they come forward from these opposing positions, they also come closer together, so that the story can culminate with the two of them repairing their relationship and learning to be a twin sibling best friend forever team again.

And that finally brings us to the present-day story. (Because all of the above? That’s backstory. It likely would be explained in game, at some point, but not shown. I just felt it necessary to share so that you understand the characters moving forward.)

As mentioned, in the games Lillie has been planted as Professor Burnet’s assistant. Burnet hired her not after finding her unconscious on a beach, but after Lillie specifically sought her out for work. Ordinarily Burnet wouldn’t have hired a child, but Lillie’s credentials were sound (she was Lusamine’s daughter, and thus had tons of experience from her time growing up in the Aether Foundation, and she could certainly prove her knowledge), so she agreed. As Professor Burnet’s assistant, Lillie has been keeping tabs on the research and passing any useful information along to Lusamine, as mentioned. However, if the soulmate sacrifices were a part of the game story as well, she has also been instructed to keep on the lookout of any trainers who could potentially fit that bill. So she’s doing that, as well.

Meanwhile, she’s not the only professor assistant in the games. In this version of events, Hau is Professor Kukui’s assistant. Instead of just taking everything as a big joke and eating malasadas all the time, Hau decided to deal with his insecurity re: being Hala’s grandson by deciding that he doesn’t want anything to do with Trials or Kahunas at all, and instead wants to become a professor like Kukui. Kukui still tries to get Hau to complete his Island Challenge, which Hau perhaps agrees to (but maybe not), but all in all Hau decides from the start that he doesn’t even want to be a trainer, really, and instead focuses on helping Kukui form the League, learning along the way (thanks to Kukui) that he can really form his own path, independent of everyone else, and that he doesn’t have to jump on something just because it’s different / an escape, but rather should pursue something because he genuinely wants to pursue it, if that makes sense. Hau also gets the RotomDex, because fuck if I would want to be saddled with that monstrosity for the entire game.

Regardless, the player character moves to Alola, as planned, and takes the Island Challenge, as planned. In this version of events, if the soulmate sacrifices are part of the game story, Lillie would come to realize that the player character is a potential candidate for sacrifice after an incident involving Tapu Koko, the player character, and the player character’s starter. (So uh, maybe install a game mechanic wherein the player can’t box / trade away their starter until the end of the plot. Choose wisely, people.) So in this version of events, Lillie continues to encounter the player / follow the player around not because she needs to be escorted everywhere because she is helpless, but rather because she is keeping tabs on them and reporting back to Lusamine on them. (Gladion, too, recognizes the player as a potential candidate for sacrifice upon meeting them, and grows furious with Lillie for reporting information back, and this results in a fight between the pair of them that the player and Hau are pretty “???” about since neither of them will directly specify what it is they’re talking about.) It should be noted that both twins battle the player at various points. Lillie battles with Nebby, and Gladion battles with Null. In this version of events, Hau is the non-battle rival, since he’s avoiding becoming a combative trainer due to his complex surrounding Hala. Nonetheless, Lillie battles the player to test their bond with their starter, whereas Gladion battles the player to see if they can be strong enough to fend off Lusamine. So both ultra twins are rivals in this sense.

Either way, the player still goes through the Island Challenge, as normal. Team Skull encounters occur as normal, too. It’s made pretty clear that they’re a bunch of punks, and far more misguided than actually evil (since, you know, they’re Rocket wannabes, not actual Rockets). However, it’s also made clear that the Aether Foundation makes Team Skull out to be far worse than they are. There would be numerous scenes where Aether Foundation employees make big deals out of Team Skull stealing food (to survive), or “using stolen pokémon”, while the Team Skull grunts insist that those are pokémon they caught fair and square (they are), and are understandably upset and enraged when the Aether Foundation employees “rescue them” anyway. In fact, leading up to The Reveal™, there would be numerous instances where it would be made clear that the Aether Foundation, despite how many glowing reviews they get from all over the archipelago, are passive-aggressive at best and sinister at worst. They would often talk about things such as righteousness and how they know best, for instance, and would cheerfully tell the player to make sure they stay out of the way while the Aether Foundation takes care of things. Additionally, Wicke would most certainly have dialogue about all the nasty, corrupt, awful people in the world and how the Aether Foundation is working to change that, and Faba would be pretty open about how superior he is to everyone, and how tiring it is to deal with inferiors day in and day out. So, it would be pretty clear that the Aether Foundation is not pristine, pretty much from the get-go. And as should be obvious from all the backstory, they’re really, really not. Not every member of Aether is evil (I’m sure there are some who are genuinely just interested in conservation and who are kept in the dark about the more heinous things), but there are plenty who are not only complicit with, but perfectly fine with the heinous things because they figure it’s for a good cause, or they want the experience of using advanced alchemical medicine. The Aether Foundation is corrupt to the core and most of its members are corrupt as well, to varying degrees. That would be made apparent pretty early on.

Moving on, Lusamine would also encounter the player earlier. After hearing from Lillie that the player was a potential candidate for sacrifice, Lusamine would leave Aether Paradise to meet and examine the player herself. She would appear perfectly cordial, even kind; she would speak of her grand visions of the future, of what the Aether Foundation strives for, and the player would see someone who seems perfectly trustworthy and even admirable (even as Lillie goes strangely silent in her presence, saying nothing more than “yes, Mother” or “no, Mother” or “I will, Mother” when asked questions---so, you know, little red flags like that). There may still be a tour at Aether Paradise, where Wicke and Faba would be encountered. Perhaps Hau, if there, would mention Gladion, and Lusamine would ask him if he knows where Gladion is. Hau might be the one to let slip that Gladion is with Team Skull (and there would be a shot of Lillie’s eyes widening in horror that he revealed this, because even if she is resentful toward and angry with her brother, she knows full well what Lusamine will do to him if he is caught, and no matter how angry she is, she does not want Gladion hurt like that), and Lusamine thanks Hau in the sweetest voice for this information. Though it’s not revealed just then, there’s a story event later where Po Town is put under siege by not only Aether Foundation employees, but potentially even Interpol. As far as the public is concerned, this is because of Team Skull’s various crimes (which have been falsified to the nth degree), and therefore is being done for the safety of all Alola. In truth, this is just so that Lusamine can finally get her hands on Gladion again, once and for all.

And here . . . here is where I pause and back up a little bit.

As mentioned, Lillie is acting as an unwilling spy and pawn for Lusamine throughout the plot. She feels trapped and hopeless. However, her view on this comes to change over the course of the game’s story. Not only has Professor Burnet treated her like an actual mother would (so while Gladion gains a big sister in Plumeria, Lillie gains a mother in Burnet), but though she doesn’t hero worship the player as she does in the canon games, Lillie also sees that the player faces their challenges and fears no matter how seemingly insurmountable, all without backing down. Even when something seems as though it should stop the player, the player manages to turn things around. Additionally, throughout the game Hau (as mentioned) learns with Kukui’s help that he can build a new life and path for himself, that he doesn’t even have to be a professor, but rather, he could find an entirely new career, all for himself, because he doesn’t have a destiny set in stone, but instead creates one for himself. All of these influences work to not only “defrost” (read: heal) Lillie, but also inspire her. Slowly but surely, she starts to think that maybe . . . maybe . . . maybe there could be a change. She already didn’t want anyone sacrificed, she already didn’t want the universe to die, but whereas she resigned herself to the fate before, all of this starts to make her think that maybe . . . just maybe . . . maybe, if she stands up, something could be done.

And then Po Town is put under siege, Team Skull is basically devastated, and Gladion is hauled off to the Aether Foundation.

Over the course of the plot up to this point, Gladion and Lillie had gotten into various fights which revealed to the player that:

They are twin siblings

They had some sort of falling out in the past and are still highkey salty about it

Lillie is doing something Gladion doesn’t approve of, but likewise, Lillie doesn’t approve of Gladion being in Team Skull

They still care about each other a great deal

The last point is revealed through their fights because, although they tend to part on bad terms, one of them will always say something to the effect of “. . . be careful” or “stay safe” (or perhaps Gladion is like “don’t die” because he’s extra in this version of events) just out of earshot (i.e. once the other leaves). Moreover, although their first on-screen fight is quite hostile, their fights get less so as the story goes on, and they actually converse and relay information (tersely, but still) as the plot goes on. The player is shown that Gladion and Lillie truly do care about one another, and that they’re slowly getting better insofar as how they get along with one another, and so when it’s revealed that Po Town has been laid under siege and Plumeria (who was badly injured trying to protect Gladion) tells them that Gladion was taken back to the Aether Foundation, the fact that Lillie is so horrified to learn this is completely believable. Finally, that aloof façade comes crumbling down completely as you see that she is truly terrified for her brother, and she turns to the player for help in saving him.

“Saving him?” Hau asks, perplexed. “But the Aether Foundation are good guys, right? Though I guess since he was Skull he’ll be sent to juvie or someth---”

“No,” Lillie says, interrupting him. “You know nothing of the Aether Foundation, Hau, and nothing of what will happen to my brother. Please don’t say anything more on this.”

That shuts Hau up, though he looks rather like :( and is pretty confused as to what Lillie is talking about (like usual, because neither Aether twin tends to explain themselves when it comes to things like this).

Anyway, Lillie and the player go to Aether Paradise (Hau comes with, though he doesn’t actively battle of course, but he’s curious) to try to rescue Gladion. They make it all the way to room where the sacrifices would be carried out, and while Gladion is there, in restraints and looking thoroughly miserable and (uncharacteristically) unresponsive . . .

. . . before anyone has a chance to say much of anything . . .

. . . Lusamine thanks Lillie for bringing the player to her.

And that’s when the plot twist is revealed, that’s when it is revealed to the player that Lillie has been working for Lusamine the entire time. But of course, by this point Lillie has had a real change of heart. Of course she never wanted to help Lusamine in the first place, but by this point she is really against the idea, and even as Hau and the player both look at her in confusion and horror, she tries to say that no, that wasn’t her intention, she didn’t---

“Mother, please, we---!” She looks back at the player, anguish in her expression. “I really did want to save Gladi---!”

Lusamine interrupts her, of course. She explains all about how Lillie has been helping her. She says, repeatedly, “Isn’t that right, Lillie?” and Lillie, miserably, quietly, says yes. She admits to all of it. Hau, aghast, says, “You betrayed us?!” and Lillie doesn’t refute him (because she’s too busy crying, albeit silently, because she learned along time ago how to cry without making hardly a sound). Lusamine gloats, talks about her plans, all that typical villain behavior. And Aether agents storm the room, and as per the plot, accost the player (and shove Hau out of the way) to drag them over to the device they need to be strapped to in order to be sacrificed, their starter partner taken from them, Gladion still in restraints and Lillie too frozen to do much of anything to stop it.

(Of course, this is only one sacrifice pair, so maybe Lusamine only needs the one in this version of events. Or potentially she has others; Red and his Pikachu, and N and . . . Zoroark, maybe, for convenience, I don’t know. Something to that effect. I’m sure many memes would be made from Red’s “?!” reaction to this, especially if he ended up still having his typical deadpan expression, like, “I did not get off Mt Silver for this,” but nonetheless.)

In any case, the plan gets underway, but it only partially works until it is interrupted. Null had been taken by the Aether employees upon Gladion’s arrest, but he managed to escape them thanks to all the training Gladion gave them, and while the procedure is underway to open the Gate and carry out the universal transmutation, Null breaks into the room and interrupts it. For the first time, Gladion openly responds to something, calling out Null’s name; and when he does, Null evolves into Silvally, breaks the machine causing the transmutation, and then bounds across the room to free Gladion from his restraints. Lusamine tries to stop them, but Silvally rebuffs her (because while her natural ability as UB-02 causes pokémon from having the will to fight against her, Silvally is a chimera and has no such hindrance), and Gladion leaps on Silvally’s back (because, as an artificially created chimera, Null / Silvally never triggered the transmutation that revealed Gladion’s true form, and same for Nebby and Lillie).

Just as he did at the docks two years ago, Gladion turns to Lillie. They stare at each other for a moment, and then Gladion offers his hand to her.

“Come with me, Lils,” he says. “Let’s get out of here---together.”

“Lillie!” Lusamine snaps, all traces of smug superiority gone. Her face is contorted in rage; Lillie’s expression is terrified as she stares back at her. “Don’t you dare. Summon Cosmog and stop him.”

“Lils,” Gladion says, raising his voice a little more. His voice cracks; it’s evident that, whatever Lusamine did to him, he’s not really in fighting fit shape at the moment, even as he pushes through it. “Please. Come with me.”

Lillie looks between them. She looks from her brother, to her mother, and back again. Then she takes her brother’s hand, and allows him to pull her up onto Silvally’s back.

“LILLIE!” Lusamine screeches, but it’s too late. Silvally wastes no time in getting the hell out of dodge, barreling over the Aether Foundation employees who try to stand in their way.

“Hey! Wait!” Hau yells, gesturing a hand over at the player (who was thankfully broken free of their restraints by Silvally as well). “What about us?!”

Fortunately, they’re saved as well. Plumeria had gotten in touch with Nanu, whom she was on good terms with, and Nanu got in touch with some non-corrupt members of Interpol (hello, Looker and Anabel), and it’s at that moment that they storm the place to help the player and Hau escape. Not only that, but they seek to arrest a lot of the key players in the Aether Foundation as well . . .

. . . only, they don’t succeed.

Not only is Lusamine still an Ultra Beast herself (and one who can, again, make pokémon lose the will to fight her---this is information from the SM website, and though Game Freak wasted the opportunity to include it in the official games, I won’t pass on such an opportunity), but the sacrifice still partially worked. A Gate / Ultra Wormhole was opened, so not only are more Ultra Beasts able to come through to Alola, but Lusamine is able to temporarily escape through said Gate / wormhole, evading arrest. Wicke and Faba are still taken into custody, but Lusamine herself escapes, and it’s clear that the plot is not over yet.

Nonetheless, Hau and the player escape, and they end up going back to Burnet’s lab to regroup / get more information, since they learn (somehow) that that’s where Gladion and Lillie retreated to. Lillie, naturally, starts to apologize rather profusely for everything, and Hau (who is still angry about this whole thing, especially since they left him behind) starts to say that, yeah, she should and better be, but sorry doesn’t fix things---only for Gladion to get pissed and cut across him that Lillie already said she was sorry, and Hau has no idea what the hell she’s gone through, so he can shut the hell up, thanks. Hau is offended, but Lillie interrupts him by thanking Gladion, before telling him that no, Hau has every right to be angry.

“No, he doesn---”

“He does, Gladie,” Lillie says. “And so does [player], especially, but . . . I want to take this opportunity to do what’s right, and I think . . . I think I might know how.”

From there, plot and alchemical details come about. Lillie says that she knows that Lusamine won’t have been stopped by this, that since the universal transmutation was started (at least via the Gate opening) that she’s going to want to finish it. Thanks to her time as Burnet’s assistant, however, she thinks she knows of a way to stop it, however . . .

“We would need to create a transmutation circle across all of Alola---every island,” she says. “That would take a lot of people . . . there is no possible way we could do it alone.”

“How many people?” Gladion asks.

“I . . . I’m not exactly sure,” Lillie says. “A veritable army, most likely, given how many islands there are to cover.”

“Would about a hundred idiots do the trick?” Gladion asks.

“Provided those idiots can follow basic instructions on how to draw a transmutation circle, yes,” Lillie says.

Gladion grins. “Then I’ve got just the team of idiots, provided we can bust some of them out of police custody.”

Those in Team Skull who were arrested are freed, and they (with Plumeria barking orders at them to get them to shape up and behave themselves when they start to act out of line) set about following the instructions that Lillie draws up to create a region-wide transmutation circle to counteract the transmutation Lusamine set to carry out. They work, too, with Burnet, who uses the interdimensional technology that she has been working on for years to not only magnify the transmutation circle Lillie helps create just in case it isn’t strong enough on its own, but also helps find them a way to get into Ultra Space so that Lusamine can be tracked down and arrested for her crimes (and also, you know, stopped for good---that, too).

While they’re working on this, however, Lusamine has been busy. You remember Team Rainbow Rocket? Well, prepare for trouble, and make it not only double, but sextuple. Seeing as how she no longer has any subordinates that aren’t in police custody, and also that she needs backup resources now that the Aether Foundation has been laid to siege by Interpol and whatnot, Lusamine uses what she has already done to open Gates into other realities and summon the ones who succeeded there, manipulating them into working for her. Giovanni, Archie, Maxie, Cyrus, Ghetsis, Lysandre---this is how they come into play in this version of events. They aren’t overtaking Lusamine: They are working for her, because she found some way or another to manipulate them into doing so. (It helps, too, that their pokémon won’t attack her even if they try to fight back against her. If anything, their pokémon become putty in her hands. I’m telling you, Game Freak wasted a real opportunity by not capitalizing on UB-02 Beauty’s supposed ability.) She sends them back through to the prime dimension so that they can impede the progress that the player et al are making to stop her. Moreover, she takes the energy amassed from Lysandre’s successful genocide / ultimate weapon (along with whatever Cyrus has from his new universe, et cetera) so that she can use it to finish carrying out her universal transmutation. She may not have her soulmate sacrifices anymore, and this energy is not at all a perfect substitution, but drastic times call for drastic measures. She’ll improvise.

(Side note: In the anime version of these events, she would probably focus far more wholesale on Lysandre, perhaps ignoring the other bosses altogether. Lysandre would have amassed untold amounts of mega evolution energy, and I feel that the anime placed far more emphasis on the experiments he had carried out with it than the games did. In this, Lusamine would focus far more on him so that she could use him and his energy / resources before discarding him like yesterday’s trash. Of course, Lysandre is not an idiot, and he’s not nearly so easily discarded as yesterday’s trash . . . but nonetheless, Lusamine wouldn’t be sincere about their partnership (or at least not totally) given that he is human, and she sees herself as superior to him therefore. She would still act as though she is, though, and so for a time they’d have an apparent camaraderie. Considering anime canon, as well as To Devour the Sun and the events that unfold there, I can assure you that this partnership would literally be Alan’s worst nightmare come to life.)

At about the time that Burnet and the others deduce that Nebby is the key to allowing them to open a Gate / wormhole to chase after Lusamine (tl;dr: Nebby is an artificially created pre-evolution of the mascot legendary, so they should be able to get him to evolve completely if they take him to the altar and play the flutes; since he was artificially created, he also has ties to the Ultra Beasts because alchemy and science, therefore opening the Gates / wormholes should be even more possible for him), Lusamine starts enacting the transmutation again (from her safe place in Ultra Space). This, to borrow the “stealing the light” theme, makes everything go pitch black dark (it’s as if the sun went out, but there’s no moon either), and at this point, it’s a race against time to get to the altar and make Nebby evolve all the way. What would be interesting, though, is that we would actually see a change. Remember, Lusamine’s plan is to transmutate the pokémon, and kill off the humans to take life from them. So as the player, Lillie, and Gladion make their way to the altar, not only would they start running into more Ultra Beasts in the wild (increasingly more and more as you get closer to the altar), but you’d also not get pinged for battles by NPC trainers on routes (or rather, they’d ping you, but no battle would initiate, and instead they’d make comments about how tired or weak or sick they feel), and the NPCs in towns would all be in varying states of lying on the ground, slumped against buildings, et cetera. Again, this would slowly increase the closer you get to the altar, to really drive home the fact that there is no time to fuck around, you have to stop Lusamine now.

(Of course, you’re stopping Lusamine directly; meanwhile, Burnet is working with her scientists, Plumeria, and the Skull grunts to try and pull off the counter-transmutation, but . . . they’re only human, and they’re being drained by this as well . . .)

The player and the twins get to the altar in time. The twins play the flutes; they harmonize, showing once and for all that they’ve truly come together again, their relationship is wholly repaired. Nebby evolves into either Solgaleo or Lunala, the portal is opened, everyone goes through. All of this is very similar to the game.

Once in Ultra Space, perhaps here is where the other bosses come to play, and it’s like a boss rush gauntlet where you have to fight your way through them, one right after the other, no pauses and no breaks. (So I really hope you saved beforehand and/or brought some healing items, fam.) Once that’s finished with and Lusamine is confronted, this time it’s both of her children confronting her. They both go off on her, not only for how she treated them, but for how she treated this entire universe. Ultra Space needs help, sure, but that’s no excuse for universal genocide, and her kids---her abused kids, who have grown so much, who hold hands to give each other support as they go off on her---let her know it. But of course, Lusamine listens to none of this, and actually tries to attack them instead. Silvally and Nebby protect them both, but all that means is that Lusamine turns on the player, and another battle ensues.

Lusamine, as the plot demands, loses the battle. And when she does, everyone sees through the Gate that her transmutation has been stopped as well. Burnet and her scientists, Plumeria and Team Skull---following the twins’ instructions, they were successful in stopping the universal transmutation, and everyone’s lives were saved. The twins and the player see this, and everyone is filled with relief . . .

. . . except Lusamine, who finally, completely loses it in a dare I say unattractive villainous breakdown. She, in all her violent fury, whirls on her kids to punish them for daring to not only defy, but ultimately ruin everything she had worked so hard for over so many years---

But before her blow can hit them, Silvally and Nebby---the creatures Lusamine had created specifically for Gladion and Lillie---protect them. And then they take Lusamine the fuck out.

It’s actually left vague what happens to Lusamine. Like, they don’t say outright that she died. You don’t see a body. But the dialogue says that “she’s gone” and the twins both say that they all need to leave, so they do. Lusamine is . . . still in Ultra Space, either dead or unconscious. No one knows. The twins have no intention of going to check.

So, the universe has been saved. The Aether Foundation is disbanded. The pokémon that were there are distributed to various professors around the globe (as well as other welfare organizations) to be taken care of. The Aether twins are, thankfully, free, and the fact that they, too, are Ultra Beasts is kept quiet except to a select few so that no unsavory types will try to attack or take advantage of them. But of course, they’re not left without purpose; though Interpol (namely Looker, Anabel, and Nanu) are handling most of the arrest and rehabilitation of the other Ultra Beasts that came through, both Gladion and Lillie realize that perhaps they can talk to those Ultra Beasts, to learn more about Ultra Space and see if something can be done. The Gates are closed now, and of course neither Gladion and Lillie will stand for this universe being threatened like that again. But Ultra Space is a dimension with a lot of people who are, apparently, suffering, and if there is a way to help them . . . a way that doesn’t involve sacrificing an entire universe and killing so many people . . . well, maybe the two of them can find it.

And then, of course, maybe Kukui establishes his League or whatever, I don’t know, that’s hardly relevant to me, tbh. Even if he does, neither Lillie nor Gladion would be title challengers. Instead, you’d be able to talk to them both at Burnet’s lab, and battle each of them in turn on certain days.

And that’s basically it, at least as far as the games go. As far as the anime goes . . . well, that’s kind of a different beast altogether, given how things were set up with the school and whatnot.

I mentioned some of it already; Lillie would have her same personality, disposition, and motivations to an extent, except that she’s living with Kukui instead of Burnet due to her need to scout for potential sacrifices at the trainer school. Her new roommate, Ash, ends up being a suitable candidate for sacrifice thanks to the fact that he is with his platonic soulmate, Pikachu. There is no island challenge, so there’s no traveling from island to island, and Hau isn’t a character, either. But Lusamine does visit the school in the anime as it is, so there’s the first meeting . . . and perhaps the rest could unravel similarly to the games as well, particularly if emphasis is put on the fact that Lillie is warming up to / growing closer to Ash, and if there are similar encounters with Gladion as well.

(Of course, To Devour the Sun also changes things up by having Lusamine get her hands on Alan and Lizardon pretty early on, thanks to both of them being in Alola as part of their family vacation and Alan growing pretty much instantly suspicious of her due to his hypervigilance as caused by his C-PTSD and subsequently infiltrating Aether Paradise one night, but . . . I won’t go into all the details of that fic here. You can find it on my fic page if you like. All I’ll say is that Alan is her first confirmed sacrifice, and it is not a happy time for either himself or Lizardon.)

Nonetheless, though all of this would probably make these games Rated T for Teen rather than E for Everyone, I’d still find this five hundred billion times more interesting than what we got. Lusamine would be an actual villain, her kids would get actual justice and be able to stand up for themselves, Team Skull would get to participate in saving the world, Professor Burnet would have an active role in the climax instead of being completely ignored despite multidimensional research being her field, and so on and so forth. If I was writing the games with complete freedom, this is how I’d do it, and I personally feel that it’d be a lot more engaging and emotional.

But maybe that’s just me.

#god this is so long #22 pages and over 13k words and 13 of those pages are backstory jfc #///#////#/////#pokemon #pokemon sm rewrite #aether president lusamine #trainer lillie #trainer gladion #those are the main players so i'm only tagging them #child abuse//cw #as is probably obvious but like #i feel the content warn is necessary for one scene in particular #when i say that my lusamine is a true villain i mean it #before the games' release i really conceived her to be truly frightening #and the way i write her she stays that way

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zealoptics · 6 years

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The Outsiders by ZEAL Rider Ian Wood

Words by **[Ian Wood](https://www.instagram.com/eanwood/)** | Photos by **[Jordan Ingmire](https://www.instagram.com/jordaningmire/)**

The sound of explosions stir me from a deep slumber. The bombs may be going off thousands of feet away but the blasts shake me from my dream world. Barely awake I sit up to investigate the violent action, bouncing my head off the bunk above. The “rude” awakening knocks me back down, a dry mouth from the propane heater running off and on all night reminds me where I am. Rubbing my eyes to adjust to the light, and a quick pull of the window blinds, reveals a winter wonderland. The bombs that stirred me from my fantasy world are the result of hard working ski patrollers doing their best to keep us safe from avalanches in the available side country. Comfortably nestled in my 16 foot tiny home, I am amidst the cascade mountains in Washington state. From the looks of my neighbor RV’s we have received a healthy amount of fresh snow over night. Rolling out of my bunk and placing my feet on the noticeably cold floor sends a quick signal to my brain that its going to be nice blower pow. Where are my slippers?. . . It’s 7 o clock in the morning and the chairs don’t start spinning until 9. With the resort lifts and split board trails being accessible out my front door I have plenty of time to get ready. Living in a trailer in the parking lot of a resort, you build morning routines. So much time spent by yourself allows you the freedom to do what you want, when you want. Meditation has made it into the start of my day, followed by a nutrient packed fruit smoothie. Somedays I listen to an audio book or inspiring tunes, maybe a quick stretch, and then I put on my space suit for the wild frontier. Isn’t this what we are striving for our whole lives? - Complete freedom, nobody telling us what to do or how to live. Shouldn’t we be fine tuning physical/mental health with joy, adventure, and a lust for life? I chuckle to myself as I ponder the perspective of my life, how did I get here? - 32 years old, no kids, no wife, no mortgage or salary career, living in a trailer that is smaller than some peoples closets. If you were to write this down and read it to someone, they would feel sorry for me. If they were to see my smile or feel my energy as this pervasive lust for living, they just might question the way they look at life.

Growing up in a capitalist nation where economy is god, and success is based upon the amount of things you possess, I had all the proper training to be a compliant citizen. In the West at 5 years old we are shuffled through a school system that is based more on conforming than education. It appears to be preparation for the 9-5 world with a vibrant brochure selling the restricted life of a weekend warrior. All the tv shows portraying the “happy” rich people with all their possessions, living in big mansions, surrounded by “beautiful” people, contribute to a thorough brain washing. The deep irony is when these movie stars, symbolizing the ultimate success of the american dream, often end their own lives in misery. I can’t say how this country is viewed from the outside but it seems that a lot of foreigners come here in hope of acquiring financial wealth and pursuing this illusion. Interestingly enough this nation is comprised of foreigners. We are all immigrants except for the few indigenous natives who have almost been entirely snuffed out. The trouble begins when necessities are far surpassed and endless desires are sought one after the other. The core issue is these desires are never filled and endless consumerism runs rampant. A bi product of this foolishness is a nation that suffers from severe obesity and malnutrition simultaneously. Unfortunately the PNW of the United states is a major influence in this worlds over consumption. Amazon, Microsoft, Starbucks, and Costco are just a few of the fortune 500 companies located in Seattle. A city surrounded by natural wonder, with the pacific ocean on one side and the cascade mountain range on the other. I was right on track to be another cog in the wheel, another poor sap in debt living pay check to pay check. Buying a bunch of things I didn’t need, to fit in or look good in some one else’s judgement. This is one ideal this nation whole heartedly promotes. This constant hunger for more leaves the blind consumer in debt regardless of socioeconomic status. It’s easy to get lost in this society living beyond their means. Look at our national debt for reference as to how we are taught to spend money. From this path… I slowly strayed. The mountains called and as the famous John Muir quote states; I had to go!

Hindsight is always 20 20. Looking back, I can see the friends that pulled me back into the mountains saved my life. Being a product of the NorthWest was a blessing that was hard to fully realize. Some of the greatest outsiders and heroes to exist in the snow world, come from this area. Humans that forever changed the snowboarding world were located all around me and leading lives way outside the norm. They were more like professional dirtbags than Olympians. The skills to be trained into super athletes were there, but they chose to live a life of freedom and self expression. These professionals were less about selling out and more about expressing themselves freely, on their own terms. You don’t have to be a legend to enjoy a similar lifestyle, boarding as much as you can and working as little as you have to. The locals shaped me even more so than the legends. “You work - I ride”, so the saying goes. The slogan “work to live, don’t live to work” comes up often. These people that surrounded me spent their money in a very different manner. Extravagance was a “new” used vehicle that handled the snowy roads in a supreme way, or a rig that could transform into a sleeping domain. Maybe a new gizmo for snow camping or a fancy sleeping bag that packed small and was light. Simultaneously we were becoming more self sufficient and learning how to spend money wisely. I didn’t know it at the time, but these people I like to refer to as the outsiders, were shaping me. As I became an “adult” (I put it in quotations because I think it is absolutely insane that someone being an adult is based on age and not life experience) I came to realize that most people were lost. Year after year, the older they got the more confused they seemed to be. Their connection to what mattered in life slowly dwindled as they bought into the game. Work beat them down and a diet of processed food provided them with no fuel. Coffee delivers a quick blast of energy for a long drawn out day. The ever growing list of how society tries to fill the voids will leave your head spinning. For many years I have pondered, and even now it seems, that kids have it much more figured out than adults! Youngsters are happy chasing dreams and living for the moment. The beliefs that create their realities are still uninhibited, so they are able to enjoy the little things. Snowboarding takes me back to that mental clarity. Every time I strap in, my mind grows a little more silent as the moment zooms in to capture my attention. Pushing skills to a new level can cloud the mind with fear. Making the decision to trust in your ability clears the sky and locks you in where time stands still.

The people I meet in the NW have inspired me to leap into more than just snowboard specific adventures. Every aspect of one’s life effects the other and it’s best to be well rounded. Adventures of every kind can be linked to snowboarding in one way or another. Learning how to navigate the world and trust in your life skills to get you where you need to be is one example. From Yoga, to skateboarding, even dancing, it all can help you with self expression and in turn improve the picture you paint on a board. I started the winter season going to a 10 day silent meditation retreat with photographer/best bud Jordan Ingmire. This shared wisdom solidified the lessons learned from snowboarding. The present moment is the only reality. As soon as we add thoughts or words to things, we have strayed. Our minds are trained in this society to constantly be thinking about the future or the past. Focused on likes or dislikes, we form a craving for the things we desire and try to avoid the things we dislike. So constantly we are planning for the future, or revisiting the things that have already happened. We want more of the things we like and are upset when we get what we don’t want. Both of these judgements are illusions. The images with attached emotions either no longer exist or are an interpreted creation of the future. All of our thoughts around experiences are not truly reality. They are a merely a projection of the mind which in turn creates what we believe to be reality. So those moments while ripping down a line, or riding through a technical part of the mountain, are actually creating the silent mind that brings us closer to the truest reality. Wether you are taking a conscious deep breath sitting in a cross legged position or standing on top of a glorious mountain top, you are training the mind to be aware of what is going on inside of it. Slowly bringing awareness to our daily actions muffles the constant brain chatter and creates space for the only true reality- the present moment. Any one that has been terrified by the raw elements of a mountain has lived through this mind altering experience of a silent mind.

For the last several years I was caught in a whirlwind of dreaming and creation. Desires of achieving fantasies began to develop in my mind and expanded as I shared them with others. The winters had been very active with traveling, working on video projects, and getting caught up in the go go go, do do do. This winter I set out to focus on “being” more than “doing”. Starting the season off in meditation had a huge impact on how I wanted to spend my winter and what I felt was important to focus on. I decided I was going to spend the entire winter at home in the PNW. No distant travels, no video projects, and nothing more than immersing myself in the art of snowboarding. Whether it was with my best friends, the local community, strangers, or by myself, I found room for growth in all relationships. With the climate pattern rollercoaster ride we have been locked into in the NW, it was a risky move. Travel has always been a back up plan for winters that never show up. Japan in January, Alaska in April, the interior mountains of BC , Montana, Wyoming, allow for plenty of Plan B options. With travel comes planning, and with planning comes extensive mental activity. I wanted to get rid of all the things that add to the mind game of winter. That way I could find my place in the mountains with clear thoughts and tuned senses. We are constantly searching for connection to the moment as boarders and one of the best ways to help that process is to alleviate as much mental chatter as possible. I deliberately decided to put all of my eggs in one basket and whether winter came as I desired or not, I was staying and making the best of it. Worse case scenario you can always go adventure on your split board, walk for miles and search around corners you haven’t looked past before. The stars aligned as it became one of the best winters for Washington in many years, with cold temperatures and big storms that seemed to never end. The snow just kept stacking and the energy was high in the PNW. It was a season for the soul. One of those winters where you run into all your buddies on the hiking routes or skin trails. I found myself greeting friends with big hugs and thinking “you know what. . . there are friends on a pow day.” We were riding as many of our favorite lines as we could in one day. Lines that you sometimes only ride once a year because the conditions have to be just right, were getting ridden several times a week. No video cameras, no waiting to get the shot, no worries about landing a trick or how your style was; just pure intimacy with the mountains and the people sharing them with you.

As the planet rotates around the sun the seasons will change here in the PNW. Spring time comes with longer days and stronger ultra violet rays. The rivers flow with snow melt as photosynthesis sprouts new life on the hillsides. T shirts and open vents become common on the touring trails and chair lifts, as winter pow turns to spring corn. Fresh snow can bless us all the way into May, providing up to 7 months of possible fresh snow adventures. The park rats and split boarders rejoice as their favorite season is upon them. In the same day you can lap the park with friends and in the evening tour up to soak in breathtaking views. In strong winter seasons, such as this past one, you can extend your snow season year round. The list of volcanos in the area is long and the adventures bountiful. “Variety is the spice of life”; one of my favorite expressions. Living in the PNW I can’t help but completely agree with this notion. Summer comes and the thoughts of the year ahead are born in the stillness created in the absence of daily snow obsession. Sometimes I worry about what the future holds for the PNW snow lovers. Big money is pushing hard to suck the life out of the mountains. Solace and solitude are being replaced with high speed quads and 4 star hotels. Seattle is growing and you can see the reflection of it in the traffic to all of the hills. Will we just become another destination resort? Will the dirtbag locals living in their cars at the mountain be run off by people commuting 2 hours everyday? Only time will tell. I reflect back on lessons learned in the meditation hall. Be present here in the now, and let the thoughts pass like clouds in the sky. My judgement of what is best is just a figment of my imagination. For now the mountains in the PNW are full of life, love, and soul. Explorers, adventurers, athletes, party people, weirdos, musicians, artists, and of course the city people, all share these beautiful mountains. I hope that one day you have the opportunity to visit this majestic place I call home. We can easily be considered outsiders In a world where so many equate success and happiness to financial status. Every day we strap in we are representing the importance of something greater than that. Outsider: “a person who does not belong to a particular group.” There are enough of us here in the PNW that have formed a group of our own. We are the outsiders and you are welcome to join us.

Ian’s Top Picks

[SHOP ACE](https://www.zealoptics.com/en/shop/sunglasses/lifestyle-collection/ace "SHOP ACE") [SHOP FARGO](https://www.zealoptics.com/en/shop/goggles/select-series/fargo "SHOP FARGO")

Want more? Check out the below and follow Ian’s journey this winter @eanwood.

#ZealOptics #IanWood #TheOutsiders #Japan #PNW #JordanIngmire #Snowboarding #Backcountry #zealopticsfeatured #WeAreAllZEAL #ThroughOurLenses #FindYourZeal #ExploreMore #Winter #Mountains

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