#I do feel better than I did yesterday so I've high hopes that tomorrow I might be conscious for perhaps even multiple consecutive hours!

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: December 19

"We're An American Band" by Grand Funk Railroad

[yongbokkk]

pairings: lee know x m!reader

genre: diary fic(minho's pov!!), enemies to lovers(?), high school au

a/n; i kinda hate this idk bout u

entry 1

there was a new student today, his name is y/n.

i already dislike him, he looks like he could annoy the shit out of me.

other than hearing his irritating voice, today was pretty much the usual

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entry 2

it's like life decided to give up on me, instead of the opposite.

looks like my friends befriended the new student behind my back, and only now they inform me.

i wanted to wipe the grin off of his face so bad, what's he gotta smile for?

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entry 3

i passed an exam, feeling good.

then all of a sudden y/n offers me to lunch, which i declined of course.

he had this joyful look on his face before i rejected him, it turned sad after i did.

i kind of felt bad i felt victory from finally wiping the smile off his face. anyways, dori is playing with my face, i got to go

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entry 4

he's been stuck to me like a cat needing it's owner, it's so annoying. even if i try to avoid him, he keeps coming back.

i ranted to my friend, he said i should give y/n a chance, hell to the no. he also said i've been being mean to him for no reason, also bullshit.

oh yes, there's definitely a reason to why i hate him. he's just so im too lazy to think, so goodnight.

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entry 5

i can't get the look on his face off my mind, no matter how hard i try to distract myself. i shouldn't have shouted at him like that, maybe i was being too harsh. it's his fault for being so annoying, he just had to keep pestering me everyday.

anyways, i have to go do my homework and sleep, im early tomorrow.

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entry 6

i couldn't find him all day, there wasn't any sign of him, it felt unusual. where was he?

was it because of yesterday? have i upset him by raising my voice like that?

i have an upcoming exam, i shouldn't overthink the situation. goodbye.

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entry 7

jisung really wanted to get in my nerves and decided to throw a water balloon at me, i got him back though.

y/n, he still hasn't shown up to class. is he really going to miss out on all the lessons like that.

im not worried, i have no business with that idiot. goodnight.

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entry 8

i don't know what else to write for this day other than y/n being back.

he looked down, he didn't even talk to my friends or even anyone in school. he seemed like he didn't have the energy to do anything, he barely passed through class.

i'm starting to think back on what i did to him, it keeps me awake at night.

i'll try to sleep now, goodnight.

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entry 9

i don't know what came over me, but i decided to buy him his favorite drink. i just felt bad, he looked pretty lonely these days. sure he had his friends sitting with him, but he barely joined a conversation and just kept eating.

i still hate him, he shouldn't have high hopes that i'll be nice to him after this. goodnight.

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entry 10

me and felix got into an argument, but we worked it out so it's all good in the end.

for the past days, y/n's starting to get better, he doesn't look as miserable as before. there's a part of me that's glad, but then again, why should i care? i hate his guts, he's not important to me.

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entry 11

felix's brownies are the best, he knows when and how to make them like a professional baker. we sat and ate, talking about things to feel the mood. then the topic was about y/n.

apparently, the reason why y/n was sad wasn't just because of me, he was also stood up on a supposed date. how can anyone ditch an angel like him? who ever y/n's date was, i'll serve a punch to his face. goodnight

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entry 12

today was.. eventful. i figured out who stood up y/n, how could he fall for such playboy looking asshole. honestly, i'm more attractive.

i saw him today, and let's say, i gave him a piece of my mind. no there wasn't any violence, i just hit him in the face. it was light, i don't see why i made mark. it felt good, though.

i ate ice cream and played with my cats, now im off to bed. goodnight

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entry 13

theres something wrong with me, i'll start off to where i just brang myself to sit next to y/n at lunch, then i helped him with his books because he was clumsy enough to trip and fall, all of a sudden i had this light feeling in my chest as i was speaking to him. i'm supposed to hate him, aren't i? he's always annoying me.

do i hate him?

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entry 14

hi hi, its been like a month. you're probably wondering why the long absence. well, to my last entry, i took the time to figure out what i was feeling. and when i did, i couldn't believe myself.

as it was the end of school, students were free to go wherever they want outside the building.

minho wanted to walk home, but something was pulling his heart back from the gate.

it was telling him to wait for a certain someone, they were a bit late for exit today.

you, with your bag, finally walked out of the school building. minho's eyes had caught you as soon as you appeared on the corner of his eyes.

your h/c hair was still what you can call perfect, despite what the horrible school air can do.

minho panicked, not knowing what to do. it would be a month till the two of you saw each other again, and he wouldn't be able to wait any longer.

he shouted, "y/n!" making the called person stop his tracks, turning to face minho.

with a few stutters, minho said what he wanted to say, so that his heart and mind can finally rest, he had finally asked you out.

your face were mixed of emotions, one with shock and joy. you nodded enthusiatically, agreeing to go on a date with him.

all this time, i was too focused on being in denial to realize i fell inlove with him.

[soullikethesea]

I cancelled T tomorrow, in the hopes that it would leave more breathing room. I did notice that I felt more like this week would be doable, right away.

But then she texted back and the *yearning* started. Of course. The young ones. I tried to reassure them that we will see her next week and now we have a bit more time to prepare and will hopefully have a bit more headspace for it. More room to take things in, rather than desperately trying to keep everything containable.

The priority this week is probably trying to get work on track and rolling. Getting things set up and thinking of some systems to use to keep it up.

I've been watching a lot of youtube for inspiration for my other job. It's kind of constantly on my mind and I think that's helping me to learn. Every breakfast, lunch, and dinner, I'm basically eating but also working. 😆

I also made sure to eat a bit more today, took a walk + did Yoga with Adriene, and I do feel a little bit better. Now if I could check in inside the list of self-care would be complete...

I think I felt really little when I was at work today. Like the world is big and I am small, and it isn't appropriate to expect so much from me (since I'm just a kid, can't you see?). Just a kid trying to pass as an adult. Seeing my colleagues did feel nice and I could tell that the trip has helped. There is more of a sense of togetherness/belonging. Even if that doesn't take away the anxiety about tons of other things, it is a good thing nonetheless.

Other than that, I think I felt really scared about the muscle aches. I remembered that I actually fell pretty badly yesterday and maybe the soreness is also from that. I really hope I didn't actually get injured. I also felt like all the ToDo's and thoughts about different projects were flying through my head at high speed... a bit too many things at the same time. My brain actually likes working on one thing at a time, even when I also enjoy the high quality distraction having multiple projects provides. Since I'll have five projects at work and then also side job 1, side job 2, therapy, and training... there will be a lot of distraction, and likely also quite a bit of chaos. And not enough checking in, maybe. (Can you tell I find checking in harder than ANP-ing? ;) ).

Anyway, setting the intention to do more yoga this week. Maybe do a roll call, if I manage. I'm sure Mae has a lot to ponder about after the vacation. And the little ones need to feel more secure in trusting that I'll be there. Maybe if I can manage that, I'll also manage taking care of outside people a bit more. Right now I seem to have an "allergic" reaction (as psychologists in this country tend to call it) to having to take care and/or manage my facial expressions. I just want to give people dead stares for now, apparently. At least, I don't think my inner battery is filled up enough to shine light and cheer people up or be an active shoulder to cry on.

[timeoverload]

Today went ok. I didn't feel quite as sick as I did yesterday so it made it easier to get through the day. I was super anxious this morning but it wasn't as bad after I took my lunch break.

I got really irritated with the morning team lead. I've worked with her for a long time and I was there before she even started. She acts like she owns the place and is more important than everyone else, which isn't true. She always has to be right about everything. Technically she and I both have leadership positions so she isn't above me but she acts like she is. She has always been a bully, usually for no good reason. She and another group of girls used to gang up on me years ago and I've never quite gotten over it. I'm generally nice to her most of the time unless she crosses a line. Sometimes it seems like we're sort of friends now but I know I can't trust her. I think she just pretends to be nice a lot of the time. I asked her if she cared if I went to take my lunch break. She said she needed to run downstairs and then I could go but then she changed her mind super fast for some reason. I had no problem waiting for her to come back. She suddenly snapped and told me to "just go to lunch" in a very angry tone. Some other people noticed and later told me that they didn't think I did anything wrong. It was confusing because I didn't feel like I did anything to warrant that kind of response from her. I am always very polite when I ask her things even when she isn't that way towards me. I try to help her a lot. I got back from lunch and she wouldn't speak to me and I still couldn't figure out why. She can be very hostile. I wonder is she's jealous of me or something. I'm not sure why she would be but I can't think of any other reason that she would be so mean and bitter towards me. It's almost like she enjoys seeing me miserable and bossing me around. Sometimes I can't sit down for 2 minutes without her barking orders at me so I have to be out of her sight in order to do that. Sometimes it feels like she is trying to get me to quit even though I've told her I probably won't be there much longer due to my health issues anyway. She knows I've been having a hard time but she doesn't care about anyone but herself. She's not very empathetic towards anyone. She knows I don't have any other options right now either. I really don't want to be around her tomorrow if she's going to be like that so I will try to just stay in my corner when I get there in the morning. I shouldn't have to put up with that shit at work. Sometimes it feels like I'm back in high school again. I'm going to try not to worry about it anymore tonight because there's nothing I can do about it.

I did get invited to go fishing in a few weeks with some people from work so that was surprising. I'm excited about that. My mom and I used to go fishing together when I was a kid but I haven't gone since then. I'm not sure if I remember how but it should be fun anyway. I'm looking forward to getting some sun.

I'm proud of myself because I went the whole day without having a soda and I made a conscious effort to drink as much water as possible. I was really sleepy and got kind of grumpy but I survived. I also made myself eat a lot. It's a weird feeling to have a belly again because I was just bones for such a long time. I probably don't look that different to most people but I can tell a difference and I feel like I look a lot better. I'm hoping my skin will clear up more once my liver function improves. I just need to continue to make better choices and I think I will be ok.

I took a shower and I'm all ready for bed now. It was a long day so I'm not sure how much longer I will be able to stay awake. I also took my medicine so I'm having a tough time focusing. Tomorrow is going to be another busy day so I hope I can get some decent sleep tonight.

[kinetic-elaboration]

August 23: Good Day

Sometimes I think it honestly takes so little to make me happy and to turn around my mood, begging the question of why I am not always doing so little in that direction.

Today was a pretty good day. I think taking off from work an hour early yesterday (just an hour!) and taking a nap really helped. I was much more awake today. I accomplished a bunch of small, random things at work that I'd been avoiding dealing with and, unsurprisingly, they weren't that bad.

The crepe food truck was back and, against my better judgment, I had one. I didn't like the last one I had in the spring, but I remembered not liking the inside, so this time I had a nutella and banana, thinking, you can't go wrong with that. Also I miss crepes, my primary sustenance during my study abroad in Paris, and am thus always suckered into American crepes even though they are not as good and not the same. Anyway, suckered in yet again: I forgot that the crepe material itself was not to my liking. I ended up just pulling out the banana slices and eating them, about 3/4 of the way in. But, that's okay. I had a nice talk with K while we were waiting for our crepes, got to spend some more time outside on the nicest day we've had in a while*, and I supported a local business.

*Nicest day we've had in a while because noticeably cooler, but still 81. I died a little inside when the girl next to me by the crepe-mobile said it "felt like fall." Girl. It is a good 10 degrees too hot to be called fall. Please, love yourself.

After work I went to Food Lion for the first time in a while. I almost fell asleep on the bus but other than that, it wasn't a bad excursion. The cream cheese I like and can only get at the Food Lion was on a close out sale, which means I will probably never taste it again. But on the upside, I bought my first apple cider of the year and also this extremely cute Halloween bucket that projects a ghost from it, which is definitely meant for kids trick-or-treating but... ghost friend.

Then I stopped by the Starbucks, which was taunting me with fall drink advertisements even though fall drinks are not yet available. I desire them greatly, in a this-will-fix-me way. But I got cold brew that was very good and one of the baristas told me I looked really cute and she liked my skirt, which was just very kind because I've been sort of doubting my fashion lately and it made me feel better about that. (This is the second time someone has complimented one of my skirts at the Starbucks.)

I came home and did nothing much other than drink the coffee really slowly and screw around on the internet, but it felt nice. Forced myself to wash some dishes, even.

Anyway, it's pretty late now, so I might regret the dishes. I feel a lot better than I usually do on Wednesday and much better than I was expecting to feel after Monday. I'd love to get some writing done tomorrow although I don't have high hopes for it. We'll see.

[sp-newlifestyle]

New journey

03-31-24

Today I did my workout, made sure to cycle at high intensity intervals for a longer time than usual to really push myself. For breakfast I ate my usual yogurt but since i ran out of cinnamon powder i decided to use pumpkin. It added a really nice flavor and made me think of fall! Now for lunch I ate a fruit salad. For dinner i ate some chicken with rice and a beet salad. Now today officially marks my last day of spring break. Now the reason im more upset is that since im starting school again, it means that i will need to wake up much more earlier than before to complete my workout. I will be setting my alarm for 4:30 which seems insane to me because i just can't even compjrend waking up at such an early time. I will also need to make sure that I fall asleep early or else I know i won't be able to wake up in the morning and i will fail my streak. Especially since yesterday marks a week since i've started this journey and blog! I would hate to break my streak. So at an early time i will be taking melatonin so i can be sure i rest well and get all the hours necessary. The only issue with this is that when i babysit i normally arrive home around 10pm and i want to go to sleep around 8-8:30 so im not 100% what to do in that situation. Maybe i'll just leave it like that and recover the next day. Not too sure, i do know that eventually i will get used to it. Now thankfully for lunch my school has a salad bar so that's what ill be eating since i can control what i want to get on my salad and i've eaten it before. It's really good and filling, much more filling than some of the hot lunches. 

04-01-24

Today was my first day back to school after spring break and i will say that it was hard. The hardest part was waking up and forcing myself to do the workout. Thankfully I managed to do it. I fought the biggest urge to just go back to sleep so I ate some breakfast, my usual yogurt. For lunch I went to my schools salad bar and got rice with chicken, diced tomatoes, a little bit of onion and lettuce. I drizzled both sauces they offered, ginger sesame and ranch. I also ate a pear. For dinner I ate some watermelon since I wasn't that hungry. I mediated and journaled. I felt really tired throughout the day and just wanted to take a nap. It's really early, 7pm, as i type this and all i want to do is go to sleep so i will. This will be a much more shorter entry but hopefully in a week i've grown accustomed to waking up so early that it won't bother me as much. maybe tomorrow will be a much better day!! Thank you!!

04-02-24

Today was more easier than yesterday. I slept a good amount and woke up feeling good. I completed my workout and pushed myself to do more. I feel like that signals that i was feeling quite good. For breakfast I ate my usual. For lunch I basically ate the same thing as yesterday. In my school the salad bar stays the same for a week for changing, so expect my lunches to stay the same. For dinner I had gotten out with friend and I got a chipotle chicken pasta. Now the pasta honestly made me sad because it wasn't as good. So i did feel like as if i wasted my money. But overall it was a pretty good day. Once I was back home I mediated and journaled. I would say today was a pretty good day. I truly do believe that waking up earlier is going to be hard getting used to but I am happy that my sleep schedule has fixed itself. i'm not entirely sure how i will feel about it in the summer since i will be spending atleast 2 weeks being lazy but still definitely will help in the long run. Especially since i plan on going to the gym and i will most likely be going in the early morning. I also can't believe it's april! i feel like yesterday we were still in february now april? insane. however i do hope this month is too crazy hot and is actually bareable because i do not like super hot weather like that. 

04-03-24

Just like yesterday I truly felt tjat today was much easier than yesterday. amazing compared to monday. I woke up early and completed my workout. For breakfast I ate my yogurt again. For lunch I ate the exact same thing. For dinner I ate chicken with rice and a salad. Now an issue I have is that my school lunch. Well the salad to be exact, is extremely dry without the dressing. I wish to go less and less of the dressing but when I eat it without dressing i feel like i'm going to choke on every bite. The chicken is extremely dry and with the rice, an even worse combination. But besides that it was a pretty good day. I was a bit upset because I do babysit today and will be arriving home a bit late. Past my new bedtime and i know i will struggle with waking up the next morning. If some of you struggle with this, what do you do to combat it? Is there some sort of secret or way to trick your brain into thinking you got enough sleep? Do let me know because I do not play about my sleep. Hahah, either way hope you're all having a good day just like i am! 

04-04-24

Today felt much smoother compared to yesterday. I managed to get a good night’s sleep and woke up feeling refreshed and energized. As I tackled my workout, I pushed myself to go the extra mile, a clear sign that I was in good spirits. Breakfast followed my usual routine, providing a reliable start to the day. Lunch mirrored yesterday’s fare, a consequence of the static menu at my school’s salad bar. While predictable, it ensures consistency in my meals throughout the week. For dinner I ate salmon with rice! While it wasn't much the salmon flavor was absolutely delicious that made it extremely enjoyable. Upon returning home, I indulged in my customary ritual of meditation and journaling, finding solace and reflection in these practices. Overall, it was a satisfying day. I’ve also begun to notice the benefits of waking up earlier, although I anticipate challenges as I transition into the lazy days of summer. Nevertheless, I’m confident that maintaining a consistent sleep schedule will pay dividends, particularly as I plan to incorporate early morning gym sessions into my routine.

04-05-24

Today I didn't go to school since it was my dad’s birthday. I woke up at the usual time though and finished my workout. After I had finished it I ate a light breakfast since I took my dad out to eat and knew it would be heavy and calorie loaded. I ate some cereal for breakfast and ended up falling back asleep. When i woke up again, i was a bit hungry but decided on eating some fruit to avoid getting too full before going out to eat. Later in the evening my dad wanted to go to olive garden so that's where i took him. Now even though i am eating much more healthier than before, i was really craving olive gardens signature chicken alfredo so that's what i got. I never have been able to finish it and this time it was no different. I ate about half of it and decided that i could the other half tomorrow or another day. I also ate some dessert since my dad got a little birthday song sanged to him. I did forget how carb loaded olive garden is but i do know one time won't hurt you. I do know that in the future i will try to look for more healthier options since the calories are insane. But it was still a lovely day and i'm glad i was able to take my dad out to eat in a restaurant. Once i got home i did my meditation and journaling. Now quick question for you guys! Do you guys eat out? and if so do you go to fast food restaurants? if you do what do you order? is it different from your past orders and how often do you get it? Thanks!

04-06-24

I woke up today and completed my workout. I really increased the high intensity intervals to the point i had to take a small break. Now this was just a  moment of wanting to see how much I can do. I won't be doing this often i just felt the urge to do so today. For breakfast i went out to eat with my family and i got a veggie omelette with fruit on the side. While seeing my dads breakfast that consisted of fatty goods. I couldn't help but want some. Thankfully i was able to hold back and eat what i ordered so it was healthy! For lunch I ate i ate some chicken with rice and potato salad. For dinner i ate salmon with rice, pasta salad, and refried beans. I felt quite full today considering i ate quite some filling foods. After all of that i mediated and journaled. I felt pretty good today. I do believe that i worked out a bit harder today due the fact that i ate a lot yesterday, but it was a once every while. Either way today was a good day and i do hope more are to come. I can't believe its time to upload my weekly blog again. I felt like it was going to take forever but here I am, going to make sure everything looks good before uploading it on tumblr. 

[vikings-til-valhalla]

Hey, another random follower here I can't help with the situation at hand, it's horrible and taxing and i really hope things will be okay, besides possibly giving you some affirmation, however valuable a strangers affirmation can be. You're doing literally everything you can to help your loved ones and they're lucky to have you close. You've called the police for your friend and you've learned about your sister, your mom is safe (as far as I understand). I know those days or weeks where you can't shower and take care of yourself and THEN you get shit piled on you on top of that, and you're hella damn strong to keep going as you are. You can find a new job tomorrow, or the day after, when everything (hopefully) has calmed down just a bit. Is there a way to maybe have your sister stay at your place a bit? Helping with your mother might do good for both of you, giving her a bit of distraction and yourself a moment to rest. (and you would know she's alright) I'm wishing you best of luck, calling the police is scary and shit, but the right call in a situation like this. Saved one of my friends lives, too. Things have likely happened by now, and I don't know the outcome, but I hope he's alright. Things will be fine again. Somehow, they have to be. Can you drink a glass of water, please? (I don't mean this in a condescending way, just in case you haven't been drinking much today bc of everything that happened) You got your cat to take care of, and Elder Scrolls 6 has been announced (whenever we will get new news on it) There's always more things to look forwards to, no matter how horrible the situation. If you need someone to talk to, rant to, tell someone about your favorite Skyrim build and how broken it is or something of the like, feel free to write me whenever. Lots of love

Thank you, friend. Thank you more than what I can put into words right now.

Today is no better than yesterday. In fact, it's worse. I'm being forced to care for others at a time when I can't even care for myself. Everyone in my house is leaving to care for themselves, or isn't responding because they're too busy with themselves, and won't help me out at all. Every single second I spend not caring for someone else is time I'm spending being selfish and doing things wrong. My father, the shitass fuck he is who abuses me, he accused me of ignoring my mom in favor of my friend whose life was on the line. Mom has others who can help, they can come home and care for her, she isn't going to die. My friend though?? I'm not sure if he's even alive right now. And when I went to take a shower, I was needed to care for mom because I had to get mom some supplies, and sis was probably high again and couldn't do it herself. When I got back I tried to shower again, and sis said she was going out for an hour so I couldn't. THEN!!!! I got another text from sis!!!! She had to go to an appointment and guess who was left to watch mom???!!!! Mom finally said to take a shower, so I did. I've got pants on. I don't have anything else to wear because I have no chance or energy to do laundry today. My brothers are not answering anyone as they never pick up their phones for the house, but rather just for friends. I'm so stretched thin and all I can do is hold out hope that therapy does something for me tomorrow when I have my scheduled appointment. And, that I can pay for the appointment at all for that matter. A friend came back to town and said I can stay with her if I need, but I know that, if I do, my father will spam me with angry and guilting phone calls and texts, then sis will as well because they're one in the same, until I come home. And if sis finds out I was fired because of her, she'll lose it. If father finds out, he'll cut off all my outside contact on all my devices and I'll be helpless with no way to get help, until I land another job. And I'll never stop hearing him tell me it's my fault I lost my job, even though it isn't. I'm tired... So tired... But nobody will let me sleep. Not even for a few minutes. And if they do allow me by some chance, then somebody else is suddenly in danger and I have to stay up to help them. When it's not one it's the other, when it's not this it's that. There is no winning. And I am just tired of it. Life isn't about winning, it's about compromise and finding a balance. But the scales are tipped to one side entirely and leaving me hanging with no possible way to rebalance them.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary12

getting better all the time. 9/16-17/2023

today was better than yesterday. yesterday i was so miserable because basically i realized that i was mixing everything with bad ears (the usual setup i was using was sapping a ton of low end, kind of shelf effect where everything around 100hz and below was super quiet and almost nonexistent) which leads to obvious overcompensation when mixing otherwise, bass and kicks too loud. so i had to go through, today, and figure out what was fucked up and what wasn't. less than you'd expect was fucked up, but i had to run through about 25 or more songs and then start a and b-ing things to see what was fine and what wasn't, but some stuff has really messed up mixes and that takes hours to unfuck, i don't know, like 5 songs about, 1 taking a bunch of my time today especially. this setup also sapped a lot of high end while also saturating the mix, so everything just sounds different now, some stuff sounds less clinky, and i need to get some kinds of distortion more right/see if i like putting saturation on the master. one song sounds alright with it, but will i feel that way tomorrow. another thing is it really messes with the vocal mixes. it's weird, because the mid-range is so favored in that setup by its nature i guess, it kind of begins to favor where the vocals and "guitars" sit in these songs, and so i mixed around that trying to get the vocals less emphasized and guitars more up front. this puts me in a weird place, because in this other setup which is just me getting my system audio, it's weirdly not favoring guitars, and the vocals are duller because of the lack of saturation and say, not cutting them too much in the lows. the vocals are an easier fix, i need to put a multiband on them and boost the highs, i did that to the songs that i've done vocals for recently to get the brighter/better. when i go to the old setup, it's really fucked up, because it pushes them up front even more, but if i swap in shitty earbuds on the system audio setup, it sounds a lot better to have the vocals pushed out of the mids a bit more than have them fully there, because it eats like every other sound on the song. maybe i'm just bad at mixing, if i were good, these things would sound serviceable in these other environments, but now i think i'm figuring that out now. i guess.

the guitars are either going to be really frustrating or i'll have a breakthrough. it makes me want to cry though. it's so strange because they both have more body and feel like they need some tweaking, more brightness maybe or saturation still, but they're so distorted already.

i think what i'm really getting hung up on is one song, a super short one, that i want to be more readable, so maybe i'll just kill myself doing that or something forever who knows. i'm already opening ableton again to try and get it right lol. i have been doing this since 1 pm today and now it's 1:37.

the reason this takes so long is cuz my computer sucks so bad it makes me want to give up or not really just makes me want to die.

okay and now another version of that same song is rendering and could you believe i am back here typing one who hour later. i spent maybe an hour and a half in the shower and around dinner (11 pm) i finally let myself take a break after finally getting what felt like a good amount done, but here i am, back again doing this. i am stupid and insane.

i still need to work on it. i think i can get it right it's just so difficult.

wwow more than 2 hours later still not where i want it but closer i think.

ok now it's 6 in the morning basically and i think i did it. i hope. i'm waiting on it to render but this should be it, i think.

yayayayayayay i think i have it and when i wake up tomorrow i think i'll like it and whatever needs to be done to it now is like at most moving the high pass on it up probably to remove some dullness but i want to hear it tomorrow to see if i'm crazy for thinking that might need to be done at all.

i'm so tired now i hate being up this late.

soon i will be happy with everything again i hope.

[spideyspeaches]

Heart made of glass ↬ t.h

A/N: Beta read by the lovely @hollandcrush​ !! <3<3

Request (Summary): can you please write one about Tom, who is on the filming process of cherry and has some emotional problems because he feels that his character is already part of his life, so he comes home very angry and in a bad mood, so he just snaps and creates a big fight with the reader and just says things that he obviously didn't meant, you know very angst, and at the end just very fluff.

Hope you like this anon! Lemme know your thoughts heh <3<3

Warnings: breakdowns, slight vomiting but it’s not graphic. I’m not in any way romanticizing or sexualising breakdowns. 

WC: 2k+ 

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Masterlist || Taglist

Tom was an ambitious guy. He took his roles seriously, no matter what his character was and who he played. It was an admirable trait, the way he both enjoyed his work and worked hard to earn a high place in such a place as Hollywood. 

You always took pride in how amazing and accomplished your boyfriend was, your heart swelling whenever you heard his name being mentioned in events and interviews. You enjoyed how he tried to diversify the movies he worked in. 

("I've been playing the friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man for so long, it's about time I play someone different now." He once said in a Jimmy Kimmel interview. You were watching from the audience, smiling as the audience roared in affirmation. 

"Well looks like you took quite a big leap from playing a superhero." Jimmy said, smiling at the audience with his paparazzi smile. 

You knew the question was scripted, quite harmless, but you still noticed how his shoulder stiffened, his smile not wavering once. 

"Well yeah, I used to be a superhero and now I'm a heroin addict." He joked, winking at the audience as he ran a hand through his nearly hairless head.

He cried himself to sleep that night, burying his face in your chest as you shushed him. )

It always worked in his favour, with the incredible support his family and fan base provided. And he was always so humble about it. 

Filming Cherry, however, was way different than he thought it would. With filming Cherry came consequences that he didn't necessarily like. He knew what he was bringing on himself and his family when he was first introduced with the script.

(Contrary to popular belief, he didn't actually give out spoilers, it was just small promotional stunts that kind of took over as his reputation to spoil minor details.)  

The process was intense, getting into the mindset of "Cherry" was taxing, and people were beginning to notice it in him. He was more restless, tugging at his non existent curls when he thought no one would notice. 

He was more clingy, more appreciative of your body and you, letting you know that there was no sexual intent behind his acts of caressing your waist at random times. You didn't notice the change in his behaviour. 

He had always been like this, watching you with the most gratifying gaze a man could muster, his pretty brown eyes like globes of whiskey, staring at you with a muffled expression. You didn't notice. 

There had always been a cutting edge to his voice, you knew and adored it. Behind the British actor who played Spider-Man, he was your Tom. Your Tom who gave you forehead kisses and baked cakes with you and made silly playlists that reminded him of you and you of him, your Tom who worshiped the ground you walked on, your Tom, your Tom and your Tom.

(Sometimes you envied that he was an actor, so good at hiding any emotions he felt, it came easy to him, just another fake emotion like he was a face behind the camera.)

He was never aggressive towards you. Never. Even on tough days, he was soft, caring and understanding to the point where it made you mad, immediately making you feel guilty. He worked so hard and yet here you were, blaming him for being nice, never standing up for himself.

"Uh, Tom, Tom stop, wait." You grunted, pushing his shoulders as he scrambled away from you at your discontent. 

You held his face, his breath hitching, hyperventilating as he tried to get himself together. 

Ever since he had started filming Cherry, he had been away from you. And now that you were finally here, he had been all over you, making love to every inch of your skin, like it was a holy grail he had to find, caressing your warm skin under his fingers making you shiver as his nimble fingers wandered. It was the intimacy, sexual and quasi-sexual, that made you realise, that there was something wrong.

Sex- it had been a constant in your life other than Tom. But of course, you didn't live on it. It was but a fuel that strengthened your relationship, it was about discovery and showing your vulnerable sides. It was a reminder of the coffee dates and baseball matches. It was loving, gentle and raw, like a gentle breeze caressing your face.

But this, this was different. And you noticed. This, what you had been doing, it was fucking. It was aggressive and needy and it felt good, but at the same time, it felt different.

"Baby?" You asked softly, trying to meet his eyes in the dark lit trailer. It was late, way past filming times, the only time you got to see his vulnerable side. 

You should have been in his hotel room, but you were in his trailer instead. All alone in the all encompassing darkness, it made your heart stutter beats. 

"Baby speak to me. What's happening, who's doing this to you?" You ask once again, holding onto him firmly this time, his squirming frame making you loosen your hold. You didn't care that you were naked, he had already seen it all. 

Fiddling with the rough sheets, he huffed a heavy breath. And that was all it took for the dam to break. 

"Tell me how do you feel baby, you're starting to scare me." You urged. All you got in response was his muffled sobs. Pulling him forward, you let his head rest on your bare chest, rivulets of tears sliding down your warm skin, almost burning you like acid, his tiny hair tickling you, a very contrasting feeling. 

"I can't do it. I can't take it anymore." He sniffed, wrapping his strong arms around you, shivering at the contact. It was a cold night in Cleveland, and you were naked and he was crying. You were berating yourself for not noticing. 

"What can't you take anymore?" You hold him, tracing circles on his buzz cut hair, just the way you did when he had his curls. 

"I feel like I'm becoming him. I don't like it at all, I try and try but I can't." He sobs, shoulders hitching with each sob. You felt your heart break, the sounds of his cries sending daggers into your skin. 

How could you have not noticed? The lively sunshine of a man was almost an empty shell. The interviews with former drug addicts had been excruciating for you, pity, disgust, sympathy and every other sinful emotion swirling in your mind. 

You couldn't believe that you hadn't thought about Tom, of what an effect it would have on him. 

"Bub, listen to me, carefully," you said, shushing him as he continued to look at you, teary eyed and red nosed, snot dripping out of his nose,"you listen to me. You're strong and resilient and nothing like him okay? He's not you. You're Tom Holland. You're brilliant and brave and amazing okay?" 

"But I don't feel that way!" He said, his aggressive stance surprising you, "he's- he's…" 

"He's what?" You asked, a little too impatient. Muttering a sorry, you rub your palm on his cheek, kissing the soft, moist skin.

"I don't feel so good." He croaked, getting up suddenly, making a run for the washroom. You rushed after him, watching him as he heaved into the toilet. Rubbing his back, you muttered affirmations, curling besides him as he sat on the ground, his back to the cold wall. 

You got up to switch on the lights, feeling his hands tugging yours, a soft "stay" coming out of him. 

"Better?" You asked, feeling him now against your collarbone. 

"I shouldn't be this affected, this- this isn't fair. I'm overreacting, I'm sorry I worried you baby I swear I didn't mean to-" 

"Shh, Tom first of all, you're not overreacting okay?" You smiled, kissing his nose, moving towards his brows and his forehead, "It's perfectly reasonable. The role you're playing...It's not exactly picking daisies. Fuck you're playing a heroin addict Tommy, a broken soldier with PTSD, a breakdown was inevitable. It only shows that you're human." 

"Really?" He smiled, it looked more like a grimace, a plea for reassurance. 

"Yes, really." You said, booping his nose, eliciting a giggle from him,"now, you better go to bed mister, you have an early shoot don't you?" You playfully scolded, kissing his lips, laughing as he carried you bridal style. 

"Tomorrow will be better." You whispered, kissing his eyelids, already closed, chest moving rhythmically as you counted his pulse, making sure he was completely asleep before slipping on your clothes, covering him with the thin quilt. 

***

"Is everything okay on set?" You asked casually, watching the crewmates work tirelessly in the daylight. 

You were standing next to Ciara on a prop jeep, fiddling with the water bottle held in your hand. 

"Hmm, as okay it can be with two people playing drug addicts." She shrugged, looking at you with a small smile. 

"Are you okay?" You asked, turning to give her your full attention, remembering your boyfriend's breakdown yesterday. 

"It gets… intense at times. Some scenes are hard to play, but we're okay. Mostly." She answered, taking your water bottle and chugging the water. 

"I'm not a therapist, but you can talk to me, you know?" You smiled, holding her shoulder as she gave you a bashful smile. 

"It's been tough on Tom. He's more aggressive, nearly had a breakdown during a scene." She said. 

"Yeah, that.. that happened yesterday too." 

"It was time, a person can only hold so much right?" 

"Yeah." 

You pondered her words, wondering if you could do anything to curb this. 

"I think I need help." He said one day while you were eating dinner. Harry, who was sitting next to you, looked up from his plate, giving you a knowing look before clearing his throat. 

"I'm gonna get some water." He said, waving awkwardly at you and getting up. You took that as a cue to scoot closer to Tom, running your hands through his camel hair. 

"That's very brave of you hun, asking for help." You smiled, kissing his cheek softly. You felt him smile, sliding closer to you, holding you by your waist. 

"I learnt from the best." He muttered in your hair, kissing your forehead. 

You felt his love that day, felt the way he ran his smooth fingers on your waistline, sliding across your thighs with care and softness you hadn't felt in a while. He was healing. It was a process, it took time but it happened.

***

You were walking across the library, his hand in yours, your hearts beating in silence. 

"How was your appointment?" You asked, shivering in the cold air. You rubbed your palms together, bringing your jacket closer to your chest, huffing the cold air. 

"It was good, much different from what the media portrays. She even showed me this meme she thinks you would like, look." He said, bringing out his phone to show you the saved meme. 

You laughed at his eagerness, kissing his lips as a final gratification. 

"Well it looks like you're having a great time. You have another scene left to do today in the evening so we better scram." You reminded him. 

You always did that, remind him of his schedule, reminded him to take a breath when he felt like he was drowning. You reminded him of home and what he had to look forward to.

"Why can't we have a lazy day today?" He whined, kissing your neck, making you giggle as it tickled. 

"You know you can't do that hun, you already took three days off." You snickered, poking his sides. 

"Well that sucks. I just want to spend my day with my girl, is that too much to ask?" He smiled, kissing your forehead, one hand holding yours, swinging back and forth, the other holding a large cup of coffee in a tight grip. 

You reached to loosen his fingers, taking a sip, slurping loudly, making him laugh. You decided you liked this laugh much better, it was breathy and free, a melody to your ears. 

You noticed how he was more relaxed and back to being that ray of sunshine. Back to being your Tom.

Thanks for reading! also as a side note- here’s a similar fic @itsallyscorner​ !!

[miraculousamara]

I got a story idea earlier today, I posted two chapters on my wattpad today. Basically it's a story idea where Chloe has a twin sister. But the twin is actually nicer than Chloe and only does what Chloe tells her because she makes her. This is Stoneheart Orgins Part 2.Because of text limit I'll add two parts. If anyone has any questions about missing plot points you can just comment or I might post the first chapter. Also Chloe and Cameron aren't identical twins, they have the same hair color, but they have different eye color, they are fraternal twins even though they are the same gender. (If I got any facts about twins wrong please tell me.my mother is an identical twin so I don't really know much about fraternal twins as I've only met one set)

Cameron's POV:

On the TV:

Nadja: (standing to the side of a picture of one of Stoneheart's minions, tablet in hand) The stone beings are scattered all over Paris, and for the time being, they are showing no signs of movement. (a variety of pictures is shown) Police have cordoned off the area.

Father: (on television alongside officer Roger) We won't stop until we find a way to get these people back to their normal selves, but for now, we're not making much headway.

(The camera flips backs to Nadja standing next to a photo of Ladybug and Cat Noir.)

Nadja: Paris is relying on our new guardian angels, Ladybug and Cat Noir, to save us all. Our lives depend on them.

I'm going to go to bed for the night.. I just hope tomorrow will be better.

Ladybug and Cat Noir.. I believe in you. I trust you. I know you can save us.

--------------------------------------

Morning

I better get dressed before Chloe complains..

"Cameron! I set out your clothes!" I hear Chloe call out.

"Oh yay. What would I do without you?" I say sarcastically

"You would do nothing without me, because I always outshine you." Chloe says

"I'm just gonna get dressed." I groan

I rush downstairs to the hall and am the first to see father.

"Hey dad." I say

"Cameron. Are you okay? You're not scared about everything going on right?" He asks

"No father, I trust you, Ladybug and Cat Noir. I know they will save us." I say

"Thank you sweetie, I'll do everything in my power to keep you and your sister safe." He says

"I know you will." I say giving him a hug.

---------------

A few minutes later..

Chloe comes downstairs.

"Hey is Jean whatever his name is ready with the car?" Chloe asks

"Yes, and remember to be safe dear." Dad says

"Yeah whatever. Come on Cameron!" Chloe says

I follow after Chloe and get in the limo.

-------------

In the limo

"And you better remember what we talked about last night." Chloe says

"Of course Chloe." I say

I forgot to write in my diary about the whole Stoneheart thing last night, but I guess I can do it later today. When Chloe isn't bothering me.

----

"Okay we're here." Chloe says

We exit the limo, greet Sabrina and enter the school.

"Woah look, it's Ivan." I say to Chloe.

"Let's go and see what the crowd around him wants." Chloe says with a suspicious looking smirk.

Oh no.. she's up to no good. She never is.

Especially when that look overtakes her facial expression.But I can't do anything no matter what she does... She warned me what will happen if I mess up again today. I just hope that she decides to be not so harsh for once, but the likelihood of that happening is slim to none unfortunately.

We walk over to the group.

"So you don't remember anything that happened? Alix asks Ivan.

"You were going ballistic! It was so cool!" Says Juleka.

"You were gonna crush me or something!" Says Kim

"I'm so sorry,  I wasn't myself." Ivan says

"I'm sure Ivan didn't mean to-" I start

Chloe Elbows me.

"What did we just talk about Cameron?" Chloe asks

"Oh right sorry. " I say sadly

"Once a monster, always a monster!" Chloe says

Ivan growls and storms off.

"Oh and don't let the door hit you on the way out!" Chloe says laughing

-------------------

Third Person POV:

(I TOOK THIS FROM THE TRANSCRIPT AGAIN)

Scene: Hawk Moth's lair.

Hawk Moth: Yes… feel the burn of those words. Lose your temper, Ivan! Your akuma awaits you. (taps on the cane that is holding the akuma)

----------------

Cameron's POV:

"How could you say such horrible things to Ivan? You're the real Stoneheart!" Alya yells at Chloe

"Yeah, I'm the one who broke Sabrina's dad's arm.Back me up Cameron." Chloe says

"Just because you got that dumb footage of those superheroes doesn't mean you should get all high and mighty." I say

Chloe laughs and blows a bubble in Alya's face.

I do feel bad for what I said, but if Chloe ever catches me apologizing, it will be the end of me.

"Ugh! You little brats!" Alya starts

"Look everyone! She's angry! She's gonna split her underwear and turn into a huge muscly monster!" Chloe says

Alya growls and storms off.

Suddenly I see Adrien appear and wave to us.

"Hey Chloe, hey Cameron!" Adrien says

"Hi Adrien." I say

"Adrikins! You came!" Chloe says running over to him to hug him

I see a bunch of people who recognize him start to gush over him.

-------------------

"Isn't it amazing that you, me and my twin sister are all in the same class?!" Says Chloe

"Yeah, it is, I already have two people I know." Adrien says with a smile.

"Wow you look a lot like your mother." I say in awe.

"What?" He asks

"She said nothing." Chloe says while glaring at me.

"Cameron?" He asks

"Yeah, Chloe's right. I said nothing." I say

"One more slip up Cameron." She threatens

"I'm sorry, it won't happen again." I say

"Yeah, it better not." She says

I could've sworn Adrien passed a shocked look at Chloe, but that could be me just hoping someone heard her for once.

As we enter the classroom and Adrien finishes giving random people his autograph, Chloe rushes in front of us.

"Look Adrikins! I saved you a seat right in front of me!" Chloe says

"Thanks Chloe." Adrien says sitting next to Nino.

I sit in my seat behind Sabrina.

"Hi." Adrien says looking at Nino

"So you're friends with Chloe and Cameron?" Nino asks suspiciously

I feel bad for him anyway..

Suddenly I hear Adrien making an issue of something, I turn around and see Chloe and Sabrina putting gum on Marinette's seat.

"Woah, what are you doing?" Adrien asks

"The brats who sat here yesterday need some attitude adjustment, so I'm gonna teach it to them." Chloe says

Adrien gets up.

"I really don't think that's necessary." Adrien says

"Adrikins, no offense but you have a whole lot to learn about school culture." She says

"Didn't you already insult Alya in the hall?" I ask outloud on accident.

"Cameron what was that?" Chloe asks threateningly

"Nothing important." I say

"That's what I thought." She says

I look at the top of my desk sadly.

-------------

Suddenly I hear the familiar voice of Marinette shout.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?" I hear her say.

I look up and see Adrien picking at the gum on Marinette's seat.

Oh poor Adrien..

"Um-" he says

Chloe and Sabrina laugh.

Chloe glares at me for not laughing, so I just go along with it.

"Haha so funny you four." Marinette says

"Wait, I was just trying to get it off!" Adrien says

"Sure you were." Marinette says

Chloe and Sabrina keep laughing.

"Ugh, you're friends with the terrible two huh?" She asks

Honestly I don't blame her for that comment, but it still hurts everytime someone compares me to Chloe.

"Why do people keep saying that?" I hear Adrien quietly and sadly ask.

Marinette covers her seat with a tissue, and the two sit down

"See what I mean about respect?" Chloe asks

Adrien sadly sighs.

"Hey where's Ivan?" I ask

"How should I know where that brute is?" Chloe asks

"Why didn't you tell them that it was 'The Terrible Two's' idea?" I hear Nino ask

"I've known Chloe and Cameron since I was little... and while they may not be perfect, I can't throw them under the bus, they're my only friends. And I'm starting to think Cameron might not really have much to do with Chloe's plans.." I hear Adrien say.

He's the first person who has ever said anything nice like that about me..

"The terrible two are a package deal my man.. but I'm Nino, and it's about time you made some new friends." I hear him say

He deserves good friends. I wish I was allowed to have friends...

---------------

Third Person POV:

(FROM THE TRANSCRIPT)

Scene: Hawk Moth's lair.

Hawk Moth: Yes. This is what I've been waiting for. You know the way, evil akuma. Track down your prey! Fly away and evilize him!

(The akuma held in Hawk Moth's cane exits it and flies out the window.)

-----

Scene: The locker room. Ivan is upset. The akuma flies in and infects Ivan's wadded-up song lyrics.

Hawk Moth: (from his lair) This is your second chance, Stoneheart, and this time you have extra help. No one will stop you from capturing the love of your life. Just remember, I'll need something in return.

(Ivan is akumatized into Stoneheart again. He opens his eyes and all the other stone beings across Paris start waking up.)

I'll link the rest of this chapter when I post the rest of it.

[one-abuse-survivor]

hi, it's the milky way again

it's been a while since i've dropped something in your mailbox

i've now finished the school year and the grades and reports are coming in tomorrow or the day after. i'm kinda scared of them because i know they dropped a lot since last year but i'm pretty sure i passed most if not all of my courses so i think it'll be fine.

i started working a summer job a week ago and i'll be working the next week too. it's mostly because i need the money so i can replace my broken phone but also because we had to do some kind of job/workplace experience thing because of our school (that was voluntary though because of covid). the job pays really well so i might also get a new binder with the money since the one i have now is falling apart. on the other hand, working 8 hours a day for five days straight has really taken all of my energy and i can't listen to music while working which makes it a lot harder. the last week i've mostly been coming home in the evening, maybe eating something and going straight to bed.

(also i got my period last thursday and i hate hate hate it so much it makes everything so much worse even without the dysphoria it's just so messy and annoying to deal with)

a week ago i finally jumped over my shadow and talked to my mom but it was a huge disappointment. i'm pretty sure i couldn't get my point across in a way she'd understand and she kinda just admitted not being able to help after saying a bunch of things that really hurt. i removed myself from the situation by "going to bed" aka going to my room, locking my door and crying myself to sleep. i was just really pissed off and talking to her was kinda my last resort for when i realized i couldn't help myself anymore.

anyway, the day after that was monday (when i started working) and me, running on barely any sleep because the night before was a disaster, had to somehow survive work and i'm pretty sure i ignored or snapped at a lot of people that day which i feel kinda bad for.

on wednesday after work i talked to my mom again because i was pissed off and couldn't let it sit. she said the same kind of bs she had used on sunday and we got nowhere, since then i've probably been a lot less friendly to her but i'm just not ready to give up so much energy for her.

her favorite arguments we're things like "but others have it a lot worse" (which is a mindset i've worked on getting away from for quite a while) (also my mom was referring only to my grades with this but little does she know that the only reason why my grades aren't dropping that badly is because no matter how bad i got mentally, i yeeted stuff like self-care before school because school had always been structured and mostly clear while life in general was just. not.)

other arguments she used were "just get off your phone and set a timer for 45 minutes and concentrate on what you wanna get done" and "just pull yourself together, it's not that hard" (those were about me saying that i struggle with starting tasks and getting shit done)

lastly she also said that my expectations are just way too high and that if i didn't expect only the best from myself (this was about grades too) i wouldn't get so disappointed if i didn't get that great grade i was hoping for. and like, she's not wrong but if you've only ever been good at one thing in your entire life and you were really good at it, then you'd just expect nothing but the best from yourself because you know reaching that isn't impossible.

and she ended it with "what do you expect me to do?" and "i can't help you" and i realized later that i just should've said that she should help me get someone that *can* help me, like a therapist or something.

anyway, i'm proud of myself for finding a summer job and finally talking to my mom and not so proud of my grades and the fact that i can't seem to get the point across to my mom

thank you for creating this safe space for people like us, i wish you a happier time than the one i'm having :')

milky way here :|

got the reports and grades and stuff yesterday and i'm just :| about it. like, yea i know i'm still somewhere at the top of the class and that i'm more than one and a half grades better than some others in my class but i'm still upset about my grade in maths for example but my parents laughed/chuckled at me when i was upset and that really hurt

and afterwards my mom said something along the lines of "yes you're allowed to be stressed but because of your good grades you don't have the right to complain about being stressed" which is absolute bs and i still don't understand how having good grades disqualifies one from complaining and i'm sure as hell not gonna ask her

i just wanna scream in her face but i'm pretty sure she'd slap me if i did that

i'm almost done with my summer job and since monday noon i had the chance to work in a different part of the factory which is a lot less uncomfy to be in because it has AC and since it's not in the lab itself, i don't have to wear a hair net, an overall, steel-toed boots and rubber gloves.

today i set myself a few goals for the summer break and for the next school year and i really hope i can get through with those because it'd make future-me extremely happy

have a great great time :D

and PS: since tumblr has been eating a lot of notifs lately i missed a lot of your posts and i tried filtering by the milky way anon tag but only one post showed up. i'm not sure what's up with that tho

Hi again! Don’t worry, I got you. Here’s a link to all the asks you’ve sent up to this point: first, second, third. All of them are tagged, but the tumblr search engine isn’t exactly known for its accuracy. I use the tumblr original post finder site for this stuff, but I just realised by looking for your asks that the site takes capital letters into account, so the ones that were tagged with a capital M in Milky weren’t showing. They all do show now that I changed the M to lowercase. So I’ll have to try to be more consistent with that from now on 😅

On to your asks. First off, congrats on finishing your course! And I really hope you can replace your phone and your binder :D sorry about getting your period, though, that really sucks :(

I think the conversation with your mom that Sunday is the one discussed on the third ask I linked. I'm really sorry the same thing happened on Wednesday. It's not your fault you can't get across to her—she's the one who should be open to helping you and offering possible (actual) solutions to the problems you're bringing up to her, and not you who should spell out every single thing she can do to help you. You're not being unclear to her—she's being obtuse and refusing to listen.

You're not meant to know how to just "pull yourself together", and you're absolutely right that your grades not dropping all the way doesn't mean you're not struggling, and you still deserve help so you don't have to jeopardise your mental health for your grades. And while she's right you don't deserve to be so hard on yourself or to expect perfection from yourself, that's also something that you deserve professional help with. Again, you're not meant to know how to just turn off those emotions and thought processes.

*hugs* sorry your math grade wasn't as high as you'd hoped. It's okay to be upset and disappointed by that, and I'm so sorry they laughed at you. You do have every right to express your emotions, and you're not being unfair to anyone else for being unhappy with your own grades. I often feel the same! I get really good grades (as I think I've already said), and I also often feel disappointed when a grade isn't as high as I'd hoped. There's nothing wrong with feeling that way. I'm really glad you know what your mom says is bs, because it really is. It's no wonder you feel like screaming in her face—she sounds incredibly frustrating, exhausting and invalidating to deal with. You deserve so much better than this 😔

I'm so glad you're proud of yourself! I'm really proud of you too for everything you've accomplished despite her being so unhelpful and invalidating, and I really hope you're enjoying the rest of your summer holidays and you can reach your goals! And if the occasion arises and you do end up using the "you can help me find someone who can help me" line, I hope it goes better. But if not, again, please know this is an issue of her refusing to listen, and not of you being unclear about what you need.

Sending a huge virtual hug ❤️

[sleepyxdarling]

Yuki sohma x male reader pt2

Yay part two!

Warning this story contains yandere behavior and talk of NSFW and BDSM

All characters engaging in NSFW are 18+

Things were bad... really bad. He tried to make things better with you the next day at school but it didn't go too great...

"ah hello [last name] I wanted to apologize for my ride introduction to you yesterday" his sweet tone sounded calm but on the inside he was freaking out since he wanted you to forgive him and you heard the most annoying voice ever...members of Yuki's club.

"prince yuki! Good morning! How are you doing this fine morning?" They shoved you back clearly not caring. You were hoping for yuki to say something to them but he simply nervously laughed it off.

"I'm doing well thank you.." his charming grin wooed the girls and very much pissed you off..were you really just a piece of driftwood or something?!

You gave a scoff as the thought of punching the male in the face crossed your mind. Before you could stop yourself you walked over and did just that..you punched yuki sohma in the face.

His reaction was one of shock as he stared at you with wide eyes while holding his nose where you hit him. His poor little fangirls were screaming in horror and tried to move closer but yuki kept his distance while gazing at your face that was red from anger.

"you think you're better than everyone..I never met anyone as stuck up as you! Prince yuki? Ha don't make me laugh!" You stormed off in anger and yuki watched you go still being in shock. When one of the girls tried to touch him he slapped their hand away in anger

"you girls went too far...being cruel like that. I could never like such heartless and selfish girls" his stare was ice cold as he glared at them before walking off. You had made his nose bleed so he wiped the blood off with a napkin but for some reason he had this giddy feeling to him for being able to tell those girls off...but things were worse with you.

He spent all day trying to talk to you but you either ignored him or completely walked away. Near the end of the day he was so frustrated for as soon as he saw you he grabbed your wrist and yanked you to the back of the school before he pinned you against the wall.

"listen..to me...I've been trying to apologize all day and you've been ignoring me" he said sternly only for you to headbutt him which forced him to let go...what is wrong with you?! You have so much fire to you that yuki didn't know if he could handle it

"first off..don't grab me like that unless I know you or you know me..and second off that was a shitty apology you really suck at talking to people..try again tomorrow your highness" the way you spoke made yuki shudder and he watched you walk away.

Something clicked in his mind as he started to smile. You were right..he doesn't know about you. You two were like oil and water when he wanted you to be oil and fire..he yearned for you to be the oil that made him feel alive.

Yuki went home but this time it was different..he had to learn everything about you as fast as he could then he could show you all the things you two have in common..then you would fall for him, get married, adopt two or three kids, and maybe get a house pet despite how ironic it was.

He spent all night pulling as much research from the internet as he could. He searched everywhere..but it wasn't enough for him..he needed so much more.

He never thought he would pull out his old camera he used to use as a way to cope with his feelings but who knew it would be so useful. He would take hundreds of pictures of you when no one was around..little things like walking to class or talking to another student. It wasn't enough for him though..he needed more so much more that it burned.

He started to follow you out of school..you were none the wiser. He was starting to see everything in your eyes and was learning so much amazing things..like how you go to the same diner every single day before school to grab something to eat or how you live alone in a big house but what he loved to watch most was when you worked at an aquarium. The sparkle in your eyes as you watched the different sea creatures made him want to run up to you and kiss you.

You had this soft gaze when you watched the jelly fish...did you like jelly fish? Your eyes had such Innocence to them that he assumed you were a different person. He hated that you worked late though...as soon as school ended you were at work til almost midnight..sometimes later. You got paid very well but yuki hated how you had to walk through a dark Alley just to get home.

He hated that you had to live in that big house alone..where were your parents [name]? Where was your family? Where were your loved ones?

His answer came to him on a Saturday when he watched an older guy knock on your door with some kind of bag in his hand..too young to be your father and probably too old to be an older brother. You answered the door and gave the male a kiss on the cheek.

Oh [name]...you are making a dangerous choice. An older guy? Were you doing it to spite him? Or maybe he had money that you needed? Yuki had to watch in agony as the stranger pulled out a bundle of red rope from the bag

Who was this guy? Maybe he was an uncle? Or cousin? Yuki tried to play it off as family..but the when you kissed him on the lips..does family do that?

Okay maybe you both were really close..yeah family..French kiss..and tie each other up..and spank each ot-

okay he had to face the facts that this guy was some sort of fuck buddy. As yuki watched his mind was just having all these ideas..you liked this sort of thing.

He shouldn't be trying to be a prince..no no a prince isn't what you needed or wanted..you needed someone with courage and a strong demeanor..

Yuki took out his phone before calling someone who can help him learn what to do to win you over.

"hey..haru? I might need to ask you for a favor"

Yuki was going to do whatever it took to win your heart..even if he had to get a little dark.

[paradise-creator]

Hellooo!! I love love LOVE the diamond box matchup you did!! You're amazing!! Your blog is incredible!! Now I'm here for a romantic haven box Haikyuu matchup pls🥺

Appearance: My name is Kay! She/her, black, straight, 5'1, I have a slightly athletic & curvy-ish figure (lol idk), short-ish hair(like mid-neck), dark brown eyes, shoe size 9, I like to dress comfy so I'm always in oversized hoodies, sweatpants, sneakers, sweatshirts and shorts. I like colorful clothes too, high waisted jeans and shorts and boots. I'm not very fashionable but I try lol.

Personality:

Basics: infp-t, Hufflepuff, Taurus sun, scorpio moon, sanguine, chaotic good, ambivert.

Some positive traits: I'm optimistic, friendly, energetic, organized, enthusiastic, observant, happy, open-minded, loving, encouraging and inquisitive!!

Some negative traits: I'm annoying, perfectionist, insecure, forgetful, easily distracted, kinda lazy, argumentative, too nice at times and clingy.

I love learning new things!! Currently I'm learning Korean, how to draw, how to paint and songs on the saxophone.

When I'm up for it, I love fun physical activity!! Going for a hike, going to the gym, bungee jumping, mountain climbing, going camping and etc :D

Although I love going out, nothing beats lazy days at home. I can spend hours by myself and still be happy. When alone I usually sleep or watch a movie/anime or practice my drawing or saxophone or try and learn something new!

I have a horrible memory and can never remember important dates 😭 I've forgotten my own birthday a few times (rip) so people can get mad at me for missing appointments, forgetting birthdays and other important days. I try my best to organize everything necessary on my phone calendar so I can be reminded.

I love seeing people happy! Nothing can fulfill my day more than knowing I put a smile on someone's face! I usually try my best to help out anyone who needs it and to the best of my ability! This has led to me getting taken advantage of in the past but I can't help but try and make others happy. I've developed a thicker skin and some trust issues as I've grown up because of it.

I love hyping my friends/family up!! Do you need a boost in confidence? Here I am, ready to help you remember the absolute king/queen/royalty that you are!! I'm usually very energetic and enthusiastic about many things and I love spreading positivity around!!

My love language is physical touch! So touch is very important to me in my relationships. Though I am insecure so I tend to think that I smother the people I care about with too much affection idk lol. I live for hugs and cuddles and hand holding 👉🏿👈🏿 but because of that I feel like I'm very clingy and annoying skskfksjd

I'm introverted in nature so although I mean usually full of energy and love making new friends, I can't do it for too long lol. My social battery runs out really fast and I have to hide away and recharge before I can be fully social again, otherwise I won't be my best self. I treasure personal time and understand when people need time for themselves too.

I love spontaneity!! I love living in the moment and doing stuff just for the hell of it!! Wanna go on a road trip? Dance in the rain? Build houses for charity? Go to McDonald's at 2am? Go on a long walk? SIGN ME UP!!

I can also be lazy and unmotivated to do stuff. If something doesn't interest me, I'd find myself incapable of doing it or I'd do it with great difficulty. I'm one of those 'do something when inspiration/motivation hits you otherwise it'll be absolute shit' types.

But when I do have motivation/inspiration that's when my perfectionism comes in and I have to do it in the best possible way and anything less is an insult to me, my family, my ancestors and descendants lmaoo. Unfortunately I subconsciously set a very high bar for myself which can be overwhelming and stressful but when I manage to produce work of that quality, it's very satisfying and rewarding jshkshdhsj

I have more to add but I feel like this is getting way too long 💀 lemme just move to the next section heheheh

Hobbies: I LOVE listening to music, learning new things, watching movies/anime, sleeping, reading, writing, playing saxophone (I'm still learning tho lol), swimming, drawing, journaling, making friends, and cooking!

My music taste: any type of rock (punk rock, grunge, j-rock, metal), pop, KPOP, RnB, jazz, dubstep, lofi hip hop, rap, trap, krnb, anime OP's and bangers from: Elvis, the beach boys, Queen, Khalid, Ateez, Harry styles, Kendrick Lamar, p!atd, mcr, fallout boy, Nirvana, BTS, mxmtoon, Marianas trench, twenty one pilots, stray kids, Jay Park, crush, Dreamcatcher, Skrillex, MJ, troye sivan etc

Fun facts:

I'm more of a cat person but I live dogs and think they're adorable!!

I have four piercings and I plan on getting more soon!!

I'm a night owl, and get super grumpy in the mornings especially when woken up unexpectedly >:/

Although I love making friends, I only have like 1/2 super close friends and like 20+ acquaintances lol

I want to get a tattoo soon but idk what to get :(

I'm super addicted to coffee (rip) and if I don't take some for some time (like a week) I'll get the worst migraines and I won't feel better until I drink some coffee 😭

That's it!! I hope i wrote enough stuff!! Did I leave anything out? If you need more pls tell me and I'll send another ask :D Take your time!! I'm in no rush. I'll patiently wait even though you get writers block or have a large amount of asks 😌 pls stay safe and healthy!! Drink lots of water, sleep well and have an amazing day/night!! 💙✨

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ɴᴏᴡ ʟᴏᴀᴅɪɴɢ

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Hello and Welcome my Starlight!

The Haven box includes:

- Match up

- Sun drop

- Journal of Feelings

- 3 am shenanigans

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

I'd match you up with

Sugawara Koushi, Vice-captain of Karasuno

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Sun drops

- OKAY so like, as I read your description I thought of Akaashi or Yaku or Sugawara

- Me being the indecisive author I am had trouble picking

- But then I remembered that you loved to do spontaneous things.

- And that's when I realized that Sugawara is THE ONE

- You two would be deemed the "3 am couple"

- Or in the team it would be "Epitome of Chaos"

- He takes care of you

- He will alway remind you that you don't need to be perfect

- Insecurities? BE GONE

- Nagativity? BE GONE

- That's basically his motto

- He is both your mom and partner in Crime

- did I mention he will take care of you?

- CUDDLES AND KISSES FOR DAYS

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Journal of feelings

- Once this man realizes that you LOVE physical affection. He will give it to you. EVERYTIME HE SEES YOU

Kay entered the gym to watch her boyfriend play. She tried sneaking in and so far it has been great. She thought she was off the hook but then felt a familiar arms wrapped around her waist. "I found you~" Sugawara said with a smile.

- You both would often plan pranks and majority of the times, it would succeed

"Okay okay, so what are we doing today?" Kay asked the silver haired male. "Oh~ maybe we can scare Asahi or anyone for that matter with a beetle?" Sugawara suggested. "That's--no," Kay responded.

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3 am shenanigans

It’s 3 am in the morning. Almost everyone is fast asleep or in their homes, well almost. The night sky is littered with diamond in the sky. The streets were silent but it was comforting. A few people walked here and there. And a few cars passes by there and here. “What are we doing up so late?” A silver haired man said as he yawned. “We’ll be going to Mc Donald’s! What else?” The female responded as she smiled at him. “Is it even open at this time?” He asked. “Koushi, darling, it is open,” Kay, the lover of our beloved silvered male man said as she smiled. Sugawara chuckled and held her hand, the smile on his face was evident. “You know, we should be sleeping by now right?” He said as he pulled her closer. “And so what? I wasn’t planning on sleeping early! I slept the whole day yesterday and missed the chance to hang out with you,” The girl responded.

A small blush appeared on the male’s face and he giggled. “That’s very sweet bu-“ He was about to say but was silenced by the girl. “That was very sweet but we could’ve done this later on or tomorrow. Well, sorry to break it to you, Love. But, we are here,” She said as she pulled the male inside the fast food chain. And soon enough, the two got their orders and enjoyed their meal. “I don’t know why but this hits different,” Kay said as she eat a French fry. “It really does. Especially since you are here,” Sugawara stated as he patted her head. Now, she was the one blushing. As the two chatted, the other customers and staff glanced at them every now and then. None of them were annoyed at their interactions. On the contrary, they enjoyed watching them,

Some felt envious of their relationship. Some dreamt to have something like that. And others remembered the times of old. The two were so sweet, it’s almost too much. Laughter and chattering echoed through the building from both the couple and the people around them. Then they were dub the “3 am couple” as the two would often venture in that restaurant at 3 am in the morning.

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Author's note

I'm so so sorry for the long wait! This week has been hectic. Anywho, I hope you enjoy this matchup~ and thanks for requesting!

[mollydollyjournals]

I'm 155.2lbs so back under 156 🎉 I really hope these scales are accurate. If so they're pretty awesome and I love having everything just there in the app rather than having to remember it and write it down and draw up my own graphs etc (it's these for anyone interested)

I noticed my body fat and stuff was also going down which is good, but then I decided to have a look at some of the other individual readings:

I don't really know what the number is supposed to actually be for visceral fat. Pounds? It's not specified. I guess if it were pounds it'd have a decimal. But it's gone from 9 to 8 and I was worried about having a lot of visceral fat so it's good that my number isn't very high. I'd definitely like for it to be a lot lower but this is better than I thought it'd be

I hadn't realised my body water was only just in the acceptable range. I guess it makes sense as I don't drink much water and have a lot of coffee or sometimes alcohol. Definitely need to do better on that one. It just always feels like such a chore to stay hydrated. Everyone says you get used to it but I never have, it just stays a chore the whole time. Anyway I guess I still have to keep trying

Skeletal muscle being low is...weird. For one thing I hadn't realised that's what the blue meant. The colour coding here implies that having a low skeletal muscle percentage is good? I don't really know. I don't understand this one. I guess I'll go look it up in a bit.

So. I'm super tired today. Suuuuper tired. Probably because I drank a bit yesterday. I was kind of trying to see how much I could drink seeing as my tests all said I'm fine. But I'm definitely still not fine. I had just under 2 units and I felt terrible and now I have a hangover. One hand is a little yellow again. Idk. There doesn't seem to be much I can do about that anymore, unless my doctor knows of something else. But I doubt it. So I'm just going to act according to my symptoms, which means moderate drinking etc.

Today I want to not drink anything. I have a bit left over from yesterday but I might just pour it away. I have more cans in storage but I won't want to open them for no reason. So I want to not drink today and hopefully have the energy to work out tomorrow. I might try to take a short walk today if I'm able.

I'm really hungry and it's annoying me. As in craving. I know exactly what I'm craving and it's not necessarily unhealthy but just...I already had a less healthy breakfast than I would want so I kind of feel like not eating the rest of the day. That's what I did yesterday (I had the bit of alcoholic fruit drinks so it wasn't a fast, I just didn't actually eat). Alternatively if I had the money and energy I could make myself a low cal soup version of what I want. But I'm really tired and in that case maybe I should just stick with nothing. But then maybe I'm risking binging. Ugh. I'm gonna have to think of acceptable foods for today. I really don't want my weight to bounce back up tomorrow. Originally I wanted to be at 140-145 by the end of January but of course I've had barely any change again. I need to stop drinking so I have the energy to work out and make decent foods. That's my best bet. But I shouldn't fuck it up in the meantime.

On the plus side, I just took some semi-nudes to test...I definitely look better. Still horrible. But I'm getting my shape back. I got a massive belly bulge these past couple of years, and the past few months I've kind of gone from ( . ) to | . | which is an improvement. I look like...chunky curvy. As opposed to just a lump all over. So I think with some proper angles and tbh probably some retouching, I could take some nudes and like... actually flirt properly with bf again. It's been a while since I did that. During a pandemic it's something that I should really do more, and I've wanted to, I just hate my body. But my torso is definitely smaller than it was. I can literally feel it. I won't say I slept well because I hardly ever sleep well for all kinds of reasons, but it's so much more comfortable lying down now because my belly isn't hanging over and my back fat isn't bunching up. I feel a lot smaller and it's so much nicer. Just need to do more to get back to where I was, then do more to finish up.

[pbandjesse]

I'm feeling kind of low tonight. The bruise on my leg has spread and become one giant bruise. So I had to call the doctor. I actually did it on the app and spoke to a nurse. And send a picture. And they told me to call. And I did. And they said I should come in. So I'm going to the doctor on Thursday. Everyone is very excited. Because they've been telling me all day today and all day yesterday to go to the doctor and I was being stubborn. Mostly I was being scared. But it's getting too bad.

Honestly I just feel very tired. Today was a long day. I slept okay last night and I woke up what's my alarm. I got dressed and had a bowl of cereal. And then I went to the museum. I was a couple minutes early and check the tour route. It was kind of a annoying day because the schools were early and that through off the tour is and then no one seemed to know where people were supposed to be and I was listening to my manager and other people weren't it was a whole thing. I don't know why everything got so confused but it was fine. Just obnoxious to kind of have to Vamp when there's that many tours happening.

But I survived. I collected more of the cardboard squares from upstairs and put them in a box and jam to the box in my bike basket and went to the bus.

While I was on the bus I got to do a survey from the Metro about how the service is. And I told them that my biggest complaint is sometimes three buses will come all next to each other. And what should happen when the buses but up against each other like that is that everyone should get off the other two boxes onto one. The other two buses should wait. And then get themselves back on schedule. Because right now they're not running on any schedule at all it seems and even the app doesn't know when they're coming. That's ridiculous.

Then I got to school only a couple of minutes late. It was all good. I had my pizza that I picked up at 7-Eleven and went to find Chelsea. We talked about what we were going to do that day and made some plans. It was all good. We were both kind of sad that we're not going to Six Flags on Friday anymore but it'll still be a fun day with the little kids.

In general today was a good day. We got our students and it was a small class. Everybody came upstairs and got right into their working. We went outside it's beautiful. Al is brought these very strange four wheeled skates that were wheeled in the front, two 9n the sides, and one in the back. But like me she felt that the basketball court was the safest and flattest place that she could do it. So I rode around on my skateboard and she worked on her roller skates. And it was a lot of fun.

We had dinner and cleaned up and then Chelsea went to the classroom to kind of set up stations for art making. The boys worked on mosaics. Specifically they wanted to make tiny laptops. Which was very cute. Damien made a puppet. Couple of the girls worked on mosaics again with the stones and the beads. Everyone was so excited about how many squares I brought. Literally a thousand. And then Dallas was running a marbling paper station.

I had never marble paper before. So I told Dow she was going to be in charge of this project. And it first that was fine. They each had containers they put Smokes on that use the shaving cream and food coloring to create patterns and then there's paper in it. But then about a half way through the class they all just started making foam color. That's fine. Make some sensory art. I don't care. What a dick Carol was when they started pouring it into each other's containers. Because then it started getting on the floor. And then start getting on all of them. Somehow they used an entire gallon of paint. She was wild how much paint they use. It didn't go horribly but it was a huge mess at the end and I kept telling Dallas that this was her project and so she was responsible. And she kept saying but it wasn't me. And I kept trying to explain to her that even if it wasn't her she was responsible because it was her project. So she got them off and she mop the ground. China helped. And everyone work together as best we could but it was hard because so many people are getting picked up early. We did our best but it took almost 40 minutes to clean the classroom.

I got upset though because while we're cleaning I am losing steam. My leg was hurting and my arm was hurting. During the art time I had called the nurse to make the appointment so I was kind of emotionally drained from that as well. And then two of my kids come back in because their grandmother was upset that they had paint on them. And that she was saying I had to do their laundry. And that how dare I let them get so dirty and stained. Are you serious question mark this is an art class! Like why would you sign up your kids to be in our class and be upset that they have paint on them. Everyone is going to have paint on them it's going to happen it's our class. If you don't want to let them get dirty put them in aftercare. It made me so incensed that after all the kids were gone I stayed behind with chelsi that we can have a meeting with Tiffany. She told me not to worry about it and that she agreed it was a ridiculous comment and she was not happy about it either. That made me feel listen to at least. And then I told her the story of what happened with my accident because my bruise has gotten so bad and Chelsea kept yelling at me because I hadn't gone to the doctor. And Tiffany was shocked that I didn't go as well. She said that I should have stayed home. And honestly I don't disagree but I also feel like yesterday it wasn't that bad. I was sore and stiff but the bruise wasn't as outrageous as it is today. James really thinks that I have some kind of hematoma but I'm very concerned because there is a hard lump next to the impact point now and I am having weird numbness in my leg. It really is the craziest bruise I've ever seen on my body. And that's fairly upsetting but I'm trying not to be too upset.

Because I was leaving later than normal I texted James to see if we're going to have dinner and he wanted to go and get a burger at the marketplace. So I'm going to get the bus and as I'm crossing the street Marcus and Miss Elaine honk their horn at me and they gave me a ride back to my neighborhood. Just as we were getting to Rite Aid James was walking up the street and so they were yelling out the car at him and waving. It was very cute. It was good to see him.

I did feel in better spirits today. But I think I'm emotionally I'm dealing with a lot and that's hard. We walk to my apartment and stopped for a few minutes to feed sleepy. And then we went to Mount Vernon Marketplace for dinner. We got burgers and we shared fries. He told me about his interview which apparently went really well. I have very high hopes but we keep everything realistic just in case. It would be so good for him. And I really want him to feel happy and secure. All I ever want it's for him to feel that way.

But we had a really nice dinner and then we came back here. I kind of had it anxiety Spike about moving because there's not a ton we can move right now. A lot of the stuff in the apartment is things that I just need to feel happy and comfortable here. He did bring one bag over and my piggy bank. So at least something got moved in the trip wasn't wasted and that's really what I was upset about. We also made a list of what things are going to his place what things are going to his parents place and what things are coming back to my parents place. That helped a lot.

He went home and I took a shower. And now I'm just laying in bed watching videos. I'm going to go get an ice pack and try to get some rest. My arm is hurting me and tomorrow's going to be another long day. The plan for tomorrow is Museum in the morning then hopefully I get to the school and have time to do some cleaning and organizing. I really want to get a lot of the stuff that's on the cart off the cart so that we don't have to think about it on Thursday and Friday. And then rest. That's all I want.

I hope you guys all have a good night. Send me some good vibes because I feel sad. And stressed. Good night everyone

[ververrverrr]

Encounters

For the number of times I am assigned to certain locations to do field word, I have encountered a number of times the omnipresence of God. So here it is..

I had my longest stay on site at La Union (so far). We stayed there for 14 days straight. For the duration of our stay, I really asked the lord for some guidance and strength. It was the first 10 days of our work that has been really challenging. We endured the scorching heat of the sun (Temperature that time was around 30-35deg C plus the factor that we also do work at the time where the sun shines the brightest which is from 11pm to 3pm). We have to come up and down the storage tanks for number times; have to go to one storage tank to another to check what is the trouble per tank. How many tanks do you ask? It was 10 storage tanks. Storage tanks that is around 60ft in diameter 50ft in height, Storage tanks that is almost 5 or 6 floors high some are even more bigger and higher. Each day is reaaaaally exhausting.

Well, the best feeling is when we are back to our lodging place getting the rest we deserve. As I lay down in bed there is only one thing I pray "Lord salamat po nabawasan yung gagawin namin kahit paano. Lord penge pa po ng lakas para sa susunod na araw para matapos na namin to". Thankfully, as I wake up each day, I am fueled with some sort of energy and motivation to stand up and do the job again even if yesterday was such a pain in the ass. I had coughs and colds on the duration of our stay but thankfully I did not turn to worse at the end.

I remember that there is one tank that we cannot really find the what is its trouble (It is one of the 6 tanks located in tank farm 2). We start to lose hope since we've spent 3 days already finding the specific trouble but then we cannot find what really is the problem. Yet, we kept on eliminating the factors that may have caused the problem. Then we started to try another option and then I saw my superior do the sign of the cross and had this conversation:

"Sir napapasign of the cross na kayo ahh"

 "Oo pre pag di to gumana mauubusan na tayo ng options e pero pag nagdasal naman na ako pre na sana gumana so far napapagana naman after. Proven ko na yun"

Then thankfully it worked!!!! After several tries, we found the solution! we got the answer that we wanted. I cannot express my joy when I was up that tank then heard my superior tell me via the radio that "Pre okay na dito may nababasa na level na"

As I walk back to the control room I told myself that "Grabe lord salamat yung ilang araw namin di masolve na solve na".

Here goes another one... 

My mom always tell me that "Pag magdrdrive ka james, wag mo kalimutan magdasal". I always do the sign of the cross as I seat in front of the steering wheel; a little "Lord gabayan mo po ako" always do the work.

One time I was asked to drive from Calaca to Lemery. To be really honest, I am still not that good at driving that time but I drove anyway. It was an early morning drive to have breakfast at the place we usually eat in Lemery. I was about to make a U-turn in the other side of the road, little did I know that there is a speeding delivery vehicle and I almost got to an accident if I wasn't able to step on the brakes. I was shaking as I parked the car and then asked myself "Paano na lang kung di ako nagdasal, baka patay na ako/kami noon". At the end of the day, I am just thankful enough to lord that I am still alive; that there are no damages made. 

So I guess this will be the last...

I was assigned my first site service where I am the one in charge. It was a turn over of a project we did. The day before that I have to come to another site to do service and it is really exhausting and by the night I need to study and prepare for a set of configurations need to be done on the instrument and panel then practice for a presentation I need to do in front of the client for tomorrow's turn over activity. So I did the preparations but then again I am still not confident enough that I can do it. So I prayed that "Lord kayo na po bahala bukas sakin, gabayan niyo po sa bawat gagawin ko"

Here comes the day. I do not know what magic happened but the day went smooth. I've made the configurations on the instrument and panel within the time frame before my presentation to the client. I was able to demonstrate well how to operate the panel and was able to answer all answers of the client. I just can't believe at the end of the day that I made it.

There are more stories to tell about how God really helped me in my work life on site but  this 3 would be the most memorable one for me. 

To cap it off all, it all comes down to one idea : Prayers are POWERFUL. God always HEAR our prayers. He LISTENS to us and GRANTS us what we asked for; not right now maybe but eventually in the future. He ANSWERS to what we need the most, PROTECTS us from any possible danger and shows his LOVE for us through answered prayers.

For even the most unsolvable thing that exist, one prayer will eventually give solution to that problem; not right away maybe but little by little. There is a saying "Prayers do move mountains" and I believe in this one since one prayer makes a lot of difference.

All we need to do is have faith in him and trust him all the time that his plan will work out.

God’s plans for you are better than any plans you have for yourself. So don’t be afraid of God’s will, even if it’s different from yours.

AND

Even it may look impossible, God can do the impossible. Just because you don’t see anything happening doesn’t mean God is not working.

Photo @ Lipa, Batangas Dec. 30, 2020 4:00am