#I don't know what crime I'm punishing myself for

[lunarheslwt]

.

[starpros-sunshine]

I Need to get out of the habit of mindless scrolling I literally can feel myself zone out while doing that ATP I'm *this* close to just deleting any amd all social media platforms and returning to the times of radio and, well. YouTube should stay I need to watch my two hour long video essay /somewhere/....and Tumblr I can't abandon Tumblr..... there's people here that I can't just abandon.....

[longagoitwastuesday]

you seem to have a wide taste in books !! what are some books that you would recommend ??

Hmmm I wonder. I have the feeling I just read the same couple of books over and over, and at times only different iterations of the same story, like in that line by Borges ("the various intonations of a few metaphors").

I find recommending books without knowing anything at all about the person asking rather difficult. What I'd suggest to one may differ greatly from what I'd recommend to someone else. I'll give a list of some of my favourite books that I think are enjoyable in general:

— Thoughts by Pascal

— Cain: a mystery by Lord Byron

— The Iliad by Homer

— Crime and Punishment by Dostoievsky

— Othello by Shakespeare

— Pedro Páramo by Juan Rulfo

— Cyrano de Bergerac by Edmond Rostand

— The fragments of the Presocratics

— La Regenta by Leopoldo Alas, Clarín

— Tractatus Logico-philosophicus by Wittgenstein

— East of Eden by John Steinbeck

— Vita nova by Dante

— Contributions to the Founding of the Theory of Transfinite Numbers by Georg Cantor

— Caligula by Albert Camus

— North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell

— Peter Pan by J. M. Barrie

— Some essays by Russell. I personally love Mysticism and Logic

— Metamorphoses by Ovid

Poetry is perhaps harder to recommend because at times it translates horribly, but in general I love Baudelaire, Rimbaud, Lorca, Juan Ramón Jiménez, Rilke, Byron, Quevedo, Góngora, Lope de Vega, Horace, Catullus, Ovid, Tennyson, Maiakovsky, Garcilaso de la Vega, Oliverio Girondo, Vicente Huidobro, Emily Brontë, T. S. Eliot, Luis Cernuda and Edgar Allan Poe, to name a few.

[understandableparadox]

a comprehensive list of everything wrong with hazbin hotel.

quick note before i lose myself in madness, my standards for helluvaboss are non existent because its a free show on youtube. also i kinda like helluvaboss and i will indulge in any bias i damn well please.

oh and spoilers. i guess.

the greater narrative of the entire season is "White lady civilize inner city hoodlum". ex: The blind side. rich girl, affluent family yadda yadda.

the story is set up to be like amphibia, owl house, svtfoe, steven universe, that being starting as something episodic then transforming into story driven narrative. why? because we know the benefits and drawbacks, episodic starts allows us to wander the world, it allows us to understand the dynamics, we are not forced to reckon with anything because there is no deadline. characters are allowed to bloom and shine and the audience can actually get attached.

the source material is Vary Clearly formed from remnants of something out of a middle school edgelord narrative. the usage of transformation, the big spooky grins, the "and then i smile as my eyes glow and-"-isms which in most cases i don't mind because in some instances but in a vary Particular case its astoundingly annoying and that annoyance is like a mold, shit spreads quick.

the color Red. as a lover of homestuck cherubs and karkat and aradia, as someone who fucking loves the color red, it is so painful to say but holy shit tone it the fuck down, i know its hell but their are so many other colors that you can use, its everywhere, the streets, the air, the windows, the screens, the characters, i know the pride ring is represented with red but change up the palates every so often for backgrounds

the rush, this ties into the second point made but i think the story itself is rushed. we know everything way to early. i know way to much and it makes it hard to care about anything because im still trying to digest the last chunk of info. "oh ok, so they clear out hell once a year. oh hell has a heaven embassy? ok. oh that adam the angel, i though he wou- oh its every 6 months now. wait the exterminators die a lot? then why is everyone sca- people in hell already have weapons that can kill angels? w- oh we are in heaven now, ok ma- no one in heaven except for the elites know the exterminations occur? how do-" and its that, just this incessant rush to explain everything to you. notably that's just the god damn spark notes, we need to know everything about the characters now, every single bit of their story, their insecurities, what charlie needs to fix, how she can fix them, the major bad guys, everything. you are never allowed to dwell on a character because we need to rush towards something else. it almost feels like this should have been like... season three, it would have been a fantastic season three if you dropped the introductions honestly.

the concept of redemption. for a story of redemption to work you need to look at three things. What is there crime, Do they want to change, What is preventing them from changeing? there is only one single character that has a notable path of redemption, angel dust, but if you look through their story it feels off. What Exactly is he guilty of? he has sex, does drugs and drinks. his apparent nymphomania is tied to his sad backstory as someone forced into the sex industry so how is that their fault? then if you think about it you start to spiral and notice "hey why are most of these people in hell?" like sure some of them may deserve punishment but then you see the fucking dichotomy and its like "I was a inventor in england and died of the fucking plague, i may have made evil little contraption hoohoohoo" vs "I was a cannibal, a full on cannibal, i fucking killed people and ate them and then someone shot me". ONE OF THESE THINGS ARE A LITTLE MORE FUCKING EXTREME. i'm going to go fucking nuts, the thing they went to heaven with when presenting a case to angels on the idea that redemption and becoming a better person is actually real was angel dust not drinking at a party and not having sex with consenting adults and i want to go fucking insane. WHAT IS THE CRIME, WHO IS THROWING THE BOOK, WHAT DOES THE BOOK INTEL, ARE WE ON GOOD PLACE RULES?! half the cast dont Need redemption they need fucking help, and the other half of the cast do need redemption but they do not seek it making the point moot. sir pentious acts like he has the brain of a hyper intelligent toddler tossing about toys, its almost like he did his one bad thing of spying and then got caught, sank his little diddy about forgiveness and second chances and become a null point through out the rest of the series, sure their was Some weight to him sacrificing himself, he was a decently funny character and he had good moments but him popping up in heaven felt like a fore gone conclusion, he didn't deserve to be in hell so why do i care that he is suddenly in heaven? because its working on the concept the good place already made. no one actually deserves eternal punishment they just need help processing what makes them a dick, but instead of looking at all the parts of the afterlife that make it bad, inefficient and then creating and trying ideas to see if it work instead over a few seasons, we crash dick first into all the major plot points in regards to that and say "tada, we fixed it.".

having a sub-plot about sexual assault and its victims then having multiple sexual assault related gag ruins your point.

don't make a bunch of stereotypically jewish characters into cannibals, that was a big thing, really shouldn't have to say it.

if you are going to make a character black, make them black, you can say alastor was black but sweet seren-fucking-dippity that's not a black man.

pot meet kettle but yeah the cursing could be a little less liberal. maybe just blue hair or the pronouns, not both.

there is a very distinctive art deco/jazz aesthetic which normally i love but i feel as though it is not used to its full extent and in some cases really hurts the character design in and of itself.

this is a vary obvious bit but the story is a million times more interested in gay men then it is of lesbians, which culminates in this insane thing where the writers clearly have more talent or perhaps it would be more abt to say practice writing male gay pining then they are with lesbian pining. which i personally think is hilarious because i did not know you could min max fujoshi-ism that hard.

this next section is more to do with each character on a fundamental level, for the sake of brevity whatever there is left, i'm just doing ones with speaking roles.

13. Charlie:

(see what i mean about that red thing?)

as originally stated charlie fits rather comfortably into every white saviour narrative, though that seems to be part of her joke. though i'm not entirely sure how much of a joke it can be when its rewarded and expected to advance the plot.

her character design says nothing, it has the motif of old puppets or dolls, she wears something vaguely similar to service suits, her demonic form is just some extra horns.not to say every character needs to have their life on a clothes rack but some more snake and goat imagery would be nice

its not the chol design of charlie with snake hair, not an actual problem but its a problem to me, damn you @cholvoq for ruining my ability to look at any of the characters without wishing i was seeing your designs instead.

character wise aside from the white savoir bit, i'm having a bit of trouble understanding what the arc of the character is. she is shown to be naive, someone who doesn't understand how the world works but everytime she says something its something astoundingly clear like "people can actually get better". and its treated like someone demanded faygo in every water fountain. is the joke that the world around her to cynical or is so to naive? please pick one or the other.

now if you know me, you know i fucking hate overpowered characters with a blinding passion, one that would set alit the god damn abyss but in this one special instance, i feel like its warranted, she's the direct descendant of fucking God, she can swing her weight around a little, i mean god damn. she in so many instances looks like shes cowering so often, why would the daughter of lucifer get backed down by some rando pimp? why wasn't she the one to fight adam? sure you can say she is young but how young? her parents were there since pre-abrahamic times, most of the characters showed up in hell in the 1900s, some of them showed up in the 1600s, how old is charlie??? how long does it take for her to learn how to be strong? The story does not suffer if charlie is strong and knows she is strong. it can easily be a case of "i don't believe in violence to a weird degree". fit it into her apparent naivety about the world to believe that violence is never the answer even when dealing with a being that is unilaterally horrible and abusive and monstrous.

she ga- no im kidding, i do think her romance was waysided a bit, it would have been fine to have more scenes of them togather and in love you know?

14. Vaggie

why did you name the lesbian vaggie...? Don't do that maybe?

I like how her design is almost moth like but again i feel as though you could have amped that up.

she feels as though someone tried to combine undyne and pearl from steven universe, same story beats and design elements. it makes it hard to really distinguish her as a character.

i honestly dont have much to say about her. she is fine.

christ kill me, lets just get the big one out of the way

15. Alastor.

God Damn

where to start.

"alastor is mixed race" mixed with fucking what? concrete? there is not a single black feature on that creature, now im not saying you have to make him a png of louie armstrong but it wouldn't hurt to add a curl to the hair maybe? make it a tiny bit more wavy? Something? a crumb i beg of thee?

his symbolism is all over the god damn place, native american monsters (you know the one), voodoo, radio, puppets, stitches, circuses??? and Tentacles i guess. two of those are from closed religions so if you dumped those you would actually get a more concise character focused on the concept of vox populi as a means of societal control and influence as we see in his first song. but again that gets drowned out repeatedly by all the other random toy box bits shoved into him.

tumblr sexy man bait

he serves no purpose in the story. he does spooky stuff, pretends to do things and then goes back to sitting around looking spooky. i understand that his motif is supposed to be aloof mastermind but maybe have him do more mastermindy things? if you remove most of alastors scenes, bar the songs, it doesn't change all to much. husk and nifity can still be at the hotel, they could be looking for outs in their contracts the same as angel dust. hell it even helps with the one scene where he dose some spooky shit, asking charlie for a favor in exchange for his help in the fight with the angels instead of asking him about angel weapons which should have remained a strictly vaggie scene.

his presence in a way delegitimize the story, as I noted in in the section regarding redemption, the three parts are "what is the crime, do they want to change, what is stopping them?" and alastor kinda just spits in the face of that. he is a serial killer cannibal that has no qualms about how evil he is and apparently must continue being evil due to being under the control under someone legitimately called the Root Of All Evil. show him take a slight interest in the idea that maybe shit for him could be better, make him Want Change at the bare fucking minimum or dont have him at the hotel.

his stupid little fucking horns, big shot the troll liker wants characters to have big fucking horns, make them noticeable or dont have them.

he looks more like a dog boy, which could have been an interesting thing with the collar motif but fuck me i guess.

personal pet peeve but i fucking hate characters that have a million plus powers, stick to a set number, be creative.

im getting more petty as i go on so last point: he could have been in less episodes, he didn't need to be in dad beat dad, that should have been just a lucifer and charlie episode. inverse the red and black and i think he would be fucking great color wise, his body type is the same as ten different characters, he isnt radio enough, aside from the voice and and staff if you told me he was the fucking Cat Demon i would have been just as convinced.

16. Angel Dust

what the fuck, gay spider? its hard to actully articulate all the thoughts i have on angel dust, not in the sense that he is a deeply thought provoking character but in the fact that there is not much meat on the bones.

all around i think angel dust is kinda middling. he has a decent enough romance with husk, he has a decent enough story line that revolves around battling addiction and removing yourself from an abuser (which the story tries to brand as "Redemption???")

I dont like that most of his jokes would qualify as sexual harassment, i don't mind him being sexual as a character but continuing on when clearly someone doesn't like the jokes hurts the character.

not a critique but he is pink, which honestly ill fucking take at point, as long as its not more fucking red.

i think his design is an improvement over some of the old vivzie designs but it feels like it could have done with going a few more rounds of design changes.

same thing with alastor, charlie and vaggie, there is not enough of the animal that they are supposed to be. You could have told me angel dust was a fucking bee or something and i would have had to believe you. nothing about angel dust initially says spider, hell he dosent even have enough limps to be a fucking spider.

17. Carmilla carmine

are... are you supposed to be a rabbit...?

Big Yoai Hands

ballet fighting style, could have been cool, wish she fought more like sanji or chun li.

A single mom that works to hard, who loves her kids and never stops-

her song was decent, not great, decent. it feels as though the actress has experience singing but not in the way they tried to make her sing during her two songs. they have a obvious mexican influence, honestly just let her sing in spanish in the english dub. go listen to the spanish dub, "out for love" sounds great in spanish.

i wish i had more thoughts on them, fucking rip.

18. cherri bomb

that's not a punk aesthetic that's 2010s alt

decent character, they showed up once or twice i guess, no real thoughts.

19. egg boiz

absolutely perfect, i have not notes on them, these are perfect creatures.

20. Emily

im so fucking happy to see a singular blue character

does the naive dreamer bit better then charlie

We really shouldnt have seen her until the end of season two or middle of three.

good contrast with the other angels on screen.

Wait she is supposed to be black??? Where???

21. Husk

keith david you absolute delight, Why on gods green earth did they only give you one singing part?

one of the few charecters where its clear husk is a cat, i do like the kinda... marquee design, he is a magic cat, thats neat. i still think you can toss the wings and eyebrows and still have just as good of a charecter.

has a deeply intresting story of someone who died as a nobody, became the fat cat of hell and then was forced back to the bottom by their own vices, not used at fucking all.

huge potential, little pay off.

22. lillith

I know nothing about her except she ditched her kid and husband to vacation in heaven and i think thats kinda funny.

alot of werid things floating around her, again she shouldnt have been shown in the show at all until next season.

23. lucifer morningstar

no notes, funniest charecter, did a song based on friend like me.

few notes: i do like the idea that the immortal symbol of pride is a constant emotional wreckage constantly seeking approval through grand showmanship and manic energy that threatens to take over anything they touch.

would have liked more snake stuff on him, maybe some more goat things like horns.

that is such a stupid fucking staff lmao.

24. Adam.

alex brightman you absolute fucking delight, you should have had more songs.

I wish his design was more focused on the idea of him being a glam rock wash up

I fucking hate his mask

We shouldn't have met him until the end of the season.

25. Niffty

again she is supposed to be a bug or cockroach but nothing about her points to that.

token straight

keeps rocketing back and fourth between sexulization and infantilization

you had kimiko glenn but didnt give her a single fucking song?

26. Sir Pentious

the secret season one redeemed.

the pilot version of him felt more like someone that could do a season one redemption arc, a megalomaniac constantly attempting territory grabs, there is something you can work with, actual character flaws to work through.

essentially a child after the first episode.

actually a snake which i appreciate.

no where near steampunky enough.

27. the villians of the show dont make much sense, each one feels like they should be season long deals on their own instead of a bunch of team rocket esque idiots that show up on occasion, do a bad thing and then leave.

28. Valentino

gOD THERE IS SO MUCH RED

only a moth some of the time.

sucks as a villain, maybe they need more screen time to show why they suck in a more substantial way aside from being told that he sucks.

it is interesting that angel dust is only under his magical control when in the studio, it shows that angel dust has to make a conscious choice to return, which in turn can be made to show how abusers can draw back their victims. I do not think it was done well in this circumstance as it shows him to be cartoonishly evil, constantly flying back and fourth between sweet and utter psycho, there is no actual reason for angel dust to ever actually go back to the studio, he just does so every so often.

29. Vox

legit who cares? the only thing about him that is in any way substantial is all the dope ass fan art we get.

propaganda machine angle that is not explored at all, just hinted at. no actual barring on the story whatsoever.

why didn't he try to do the same shit as alastor by the way? he knows its bad if alastor gets in good with charlie so shouldn't it be a ass kissing race?

same body shape as literally every other male character.

tumblr sexy man version of pyrocynicals fursona.

30. Valvette

the actual poster child of the shows huge problem of "Show me, don't tell me".

apparently the glue that holds the villains together. never shown.

apparently the one that makes the love potions that valentino is famous for. had to learn about that in the fuckin wiki trivias

we know so much about her from things outside of the show.

was there to call carmilla a coward, that's her plot contribution. she shows up every now and again but its never anything substantial and serves to more around take up run time for people We Don't Need To Know Yet.

im not trying to be mean, animation is animation, we need smaller studios to have success in the industry so that other indie studios can have that success, felling a tree makes it easier for others to follow. showing that its possible to number brain rot exacs helps all animators.

but this show has so much bullshit attached to it, it has so much fucking potential that it fries my brain with unyielding frustration.

this took a bit to write, im tired, thanks for reading.

[myntrose]

ೃ⁀➷partners in crime ︻デ═一

‧͙⁺˚･༓☾────���───────────────────────────☽༓･˚⁺‧͙

ft: Alastor x gn! reader

summary: It's another night at the hotel. Everyone is lounging around the shared space, or sitting at the bar. With a boost of confidence (and a few drinks) Angel finally asks the burning question everyone had : How did you and Alastor meet?

cw: demi! Alastor, established relationship(married), Alastor and reader meet when they were alive, reader is an assassin , killing and mild gore (it's alastor yall), a lot of petnames, no use of y/n, no beta we die like men

a/n: it's the way alastor got me smiling and kicking my feet. he got me to break my 1 year hiatus LMAO. also, I am aware that he's ace. I myself am somewhere along the demi spectrum, so this fic is purely for comfort n coping. if you don't like it, pls ignore :,D

wc: 1.5 k (1,469 words)

‧͙⁺˚･༓☾────────────────────────────────☽༓･˚⁺‧͙

The hotel common was filled with low gentle music and idle chatter. Vaggie and Charlie were on the couch, talking about everything and nothing. Nifty was running around chasing some poor roach. Even Cherri was here, with Sir Pentious attempting to flirt with her once again.

Husk was behind the bar, in ordinary fashion. Although he was mostly listening and doing his job, he would occasionally chide into the conversation the other two residents at the hotel were having. Angel was in the middle of telling you about how much of a headache Val was, while you gave him you condolences. It seemed like the only person missing was the radio demon himself, who was probably in his tower, making a new broadcast.

"Speakin of which..." Angel, who noticed Alastor's lack of presence, noted "I got a question for ya toots. How is it that tall, red and creepy managed to bag you as a partner? You're sweet and all, I get that. But how did you even meet-"

The loud slam of drinks caused the peace within the hotel to halt . Husk shoots a stern glare towards Angel, almost to warn him, be cautious about asking question's about Alastor and his darling, you never know if he's listening.

"It's alright, Husk" You send him a sincere smile. While he would never trust your husband, he can't help but believe your words.

"Well, Angel, let's start with this. If you've ever wondered why I'm down here in the first place, it's because of the occupation I had when I was alive. That's actually how I met Alastor."

Oh, maybe you were a thief and were trying to steal something from Alastor. Or maybe a detective that was on the case to solve his murders. Or maybe-

"I was hired to assassinate one of his targets."

oh.

You couldn't help but laugh at Angels' reaction. Sure, you were kind to those in the hotel, and definitely not as threatening as most overlords. He, and most people you met in Hell, just assumed you committed some mundane crime and got the unfortunate eternal punishment .

Taking a small sip of your drink, you start to recollect the unforgettable night that would define your current relationship.

It was supposed to be like any other job that you were given. Your employer would hand you a file, you would find the target, and get paid in return. Maybe it wasn't the most ethical way to make money, but hey, you knew how to kill so you made it work.

You had followed your target into the bar, while waiting away in the corner. Though your eyes were focused on them the entire night, you couldn't help but feel another pair of eyes on you.

It was probably some random patron in the bar, you guessed. It wasn't for another hour when you noticed that your target had left the vicinity.

The streets were dark, with the occasional street light every block or so. It was perfect place to finish your job. All you needed was for your target to turn into some alleyway, and as quietly as you followed him, you'd quietly go for the kill-

Quietly. Hold on, why was it so quite?

Looking up the street, you noticed that what was once where your target stood was now empty. There was no way he outran you, given that you would have heard his footsteps. To the right of you were the woods, maybe he took a detour?

No, everything felt wrong. Every single thought in your brain was screaming to run, to grab your gun that was hidden beneath your coat, to get out of here-

"Careful my dear, we wouldn't want you getting hurt now, would we?"

A cold blade found its way to your neck. Two very disturbing facts became known to you. First, was the fact that the blade was already stained red. And second, you were about to be the second kill of the night.

A million thoughts ran through your mind. Was this how you were going to die? How fast could you grab your gun? Would your employer be pissed off that you died in the job? With your eyes shut closed, you waited for the knife to make contact.

"Now now, there's no need to be so scared my dear! My, you look like a deer in headlights!"

...what?

Opening your eyes, you're met with the mysterious man who just had his weapon on you seconds ago. He seemed vaguely familiar, probably having seen him at the bar you frequent.

"It seems that I've caused you quite a scare. Do know that wasn't my intention. I just wanted to see for myself this new assassin I've heard so much about! You've caused quite the gossip, my dear. Makes good conservation."

You continued to stand in silence, with the initial shock of almost dying wearing off now. As mad as you were that you got caught, you were equally confused on just who this man was. With some more listening to his voice, the answer popped into your mind.

"You- you're that new radio host! Alastor, was it?"

Alastor's smile grew at the acknowledgment. "Indeed I am! Glad to know you've heard about me."'

Had anyone walked into the conversation you two were having, they would have assumed it was one between new acquaintances. In which one has a knife in their hand, while the other has a gun.

"You see, my dear, I've heard quite a bit about your line if work. While I am more than capable of... dealing with others, I propose that we work out some sort of deal. One where you can finally stop working for that employer of yours, and actually make a profit off your talents."

Alastor put out a hand, waiting, watching to see how you'd respond. It's been a long night for you, and you had a feeling that this wouldn't be the last time you saw. Plus, if working with him meant you'd finally have to stop answering to your boss, then why the hell not. You take his hand, before agreeing to this proposition.

"...and since then, we've been business partners. Our relationship kind of just happened after a few moths."

It was nice to look back to when you first met your now-husband. Looking around the bar, you noticed that you weren't just talking to Angel. At some point, unbeknownst to you, everyone at the hotel had come over to listen to your story time.

"Well toots, I figured you had to be some sort of crazy to date smiles, but I guess it takes one to know one." Angels says while taking a shot, still reeling with that fact that someone as kind as you was a killer. Head nods and murmurs of agreement spread within the group.

Before you could say anything, a pool of dark clouds appeared to your side. From the shadows, the very man you were taking about stood before you.

"Hey, Al."

He faces you with his signature grin, before turning to the rest of the residents.

"It seems that I've became the topic of conversion while I was gone! It's quite interesting to see how interested you all are in with me and my dear's meeting."

The hint of annoyance in his voice was entertaining, to say the least. You place a hand on his shoulder, barely hovering above it.

"Aww, come of Al! They just wanted to hear how we first met! Besides, it's a fun story to tell."

"If "fun" means almost killing ya for the first time, I'd hate to know what you guys did when you started dating-" "Shut up Angel!"

You answer a few questions that were asked before everyone eventually returned back to their previous endeavors. Husk and Angel eventually sit around with the others in the common room, leaving just you and Alastor at the bar.

"It's kinda funny, now that I look back at it."

Alastor doesn't say anything, promoting you to continue.

"That night, I almost turned down that job. I was painfully tired, and all I wanted to do was go home. It's crazy to think that we wouldn't have met had I not pushed myself to take the job."

Anyone who knew Alastor would know that him asking for a partnership was simply outlandish. Hell, Alastor himself questioned why he was seeking you out in the first place.

No, underneath he knew. He knew from the first time he saw you. It was a different time from when you both officially met. When he saw you, someone so seemingly innocent, skillfully take down a man twice your size, he knew that he had to meet you.

"Well, mon chéri, it's good that you did."

[pennedwithpassion]

Multiplayer 🎮

I fantasize about you constantly. All different scenarios, outfits, props...

Teach me how to play one of your favorite video games... while I cock-warm you.

I truly don't know who would be more distracted: you or I?

A groan escapes your clenched jaw as I slide my tight, little pussy down your shaft until my plump ass is nestled against your hips. Of course I need to wiggle and get comfortable before the lesson begins, but then I will be an apt pupil.

At least I would try to be despite melting at the sound of your voice in my ear and your muscular thighs beneath me and your broad chest behind me. My lips nuzzle your jaw whenever I ask you what to do next or how to use an ability. "Can you show me that again, baby?" I murmur against your lips.

You tease me for not focusing, for tripping up on the most basic instructions, all while your bruising grip buries your cock deeper into me. Purr praises into my ear whenever I successfully complete a task or defeat an enemy. Pinch and play with my nipples as I read the dialogue on the screen, making my breath hitch. Smack my pussy when I get killed by an opponent, and groan when I clench around your cock in response. Take hold of my hips and bounce me up and down roughly during every load screen, then stop abruptly once the game resumes and leave me whining in pathetic desperation for you to fuck me brainless.

Play one of your favorite games... while I cock-warm you.

Yell, curse, shout, bark as you usually do without worrying about my petite self nestled in your lap. Thrust up into me when frustrated or victorious. Take out your wins and losses on me. Pound me roughly in the seconds before the match loads, and laugh at my annoyance as soon as you return your concentration to the game. Bite down on my shoulder and neck when you miss a goal; slap my pussy when you score, building my orgasm with only a few seconds of intensity followed by your stillness. Until the adrenaline bursts through you again.

I'm torn between grinding on your lap to get myself off and respecting your pursuit of victory. Although, how fun it would be to sabotage you ever-so-slightly. Swivel my hips and lean into your chest until my moans are warming your ear.

I just know you would punish me for killing your focus. The question is How? 

Pin me face-down onto the sofa? Wrap your hand around my throat and lock me to your chest? Would you continue to edge me, or finally allow my climactic release? Maybe force orgasm after orgasm from me in retaliation. 

“Didn’t you want to come? So fucking needy for it?” your husky voice burns the words into my cheek. I tremble in your arms, clawing at your thighs as more mind-numbing vibrations rock through my bones. Upbeat music filling the room laid the soundtrack to my torture. “Then come.” 

Punishment fits the crime.

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[netherworldpost]

Oh god this hurts.

Before the internet, living in an Area Unkind to Closeted (choose your word choice, it doesn’t matter)

So deeply closeted and so deeply in an area unkind that asking questions, exploring, even thinking about Things felt like a capital crime, felt like “if I’m lucky I will get beat up, more likely I will be punished or destroyed.”

No internet yet. Not even message boards. Long time ago.

You are very young and horribly confused and absolutely alone and you don’t know the words and you don’t know how to find the words.

You have Danger, Shame, Guilt, Self Loathing.

If you are lucky you only have a few on these list.

One of the turns to fate that changes your life, literally saving it… many times…

Richard. Goddamn. Simmons.

I repeat the above.

You're young

You're so deep in the closet you are critiquing the wiring and plumbing

(stares into space a moment on that last one)

that was unintentional

You have no one to talk to about this

You don't even know the words

You think you're a goddamn abomination, that Something is Wrong with You

The horror is so deep you think that even thinking about this is a goddamn crime

I may be off base but it feels like the term "thought crime" has fallen out of usage and considering the flows of social media it should be brought back, some of you (+ me, so, us) are swimming in waters with contamination. Some of you are the fucking propaganda sewer pipes dumping it in.

Back to the point

He was large in personality, loud, he pressed against what was expected, and at least in the public arenas he so often showed up in -- often unexpectedly -- he existed.

He existed.

He created space.

If you (again, this is all the singular "you, the reader / me, the writer") pulled half the antics he did you would be beaten up or worse.

:)

The Knowing Smiley Icon of Knowing.

He existed.

He did antics.

He proved it was possible to exist and do antics.

It was enough to keep going.

Damn it. I'm so sad for myself and so deeply hopeful he is resting peacefully.

[undertakerslxt]

pay me back | undertaker x f!reader

title; pay me back

warnings; mentions of pregnancy/forced pregnancy. some implied non/dub-con. major teasing. humiliation kink. unprotected sex (wrap ur willy before u do the silly!). finishing inside. toys (nipple/clit clamps). undertaker being sort of cruel. degradation/slut shaming. desk sex/coffin sex. vibrator. major possessiveness from ut. use of titles (sir). definite bdsm. brief bondage. implied murder of someone else. overstimulation.

summary; you're a noblewoman with a job to report back information to the queen, and the mysterious undertaker is your informant. your usual payment is sex, but after you go to a different undertaker for information, he gets angry and decides to teach you a lesson by playing a little game with you.

song inspo; dangerous (for your entertainment also works well)

word count; 1.8k

notes; i've said this before and i will say it again. it is a federal crime undertaker does not exist. also it’s 4am, i’m tired and it’s not beta read, so i apologize if it seems rushed or underwritten.

The shop was quiet when you stepped in, and you blinked to adjust your eyes to the darkness. "Undertaker?" You called, glancing about.

"So you've finally shown your face. I was wondering when you would be brave enough to come back here after your little betrayal."

Shit. He knew.

"You weren't home—"

A hand shot from the darkness and pulled you to the nearest coffin. Unbeknownst to you, while talking, he had locked the door and turned the sign to closed. He wasn't about to have this time interrupted. "You could have come by later, or waited for me," his voice growled in your ear. Deft hands made quick work of pulling your skirts up to your waist. He pressed his knee between your legs, holding your hands behind your back. "Instead, someone decided to go to another shop for information, and if a little birdie told me right, even flirted."

"I didn't! I was only asking for further information on the recent murders—"

"Hush, doll, I'm the one talking."

You shivered as a cold nail ran up the back of your leg, then lightly flicked your womanhood. "Did you show that other undertaker your pussy? Perhaps you just showed off your cleavage, hoping he would give you anything you wanted."

You swallowed.

A light smack to your thigh told you he wanted an answer now. "Well, did you get what you wanted? Showing off your body?"

"He didn't give me the information I needed, no," you whispered, unable to look behind you.

A dark chuckle sent shivers up your spine. "You should know by now I'm the only one who can give you what you need. Information and otherwise." He pressed his knee harder into you, making you whimper. "What would your beloved queen say if she knew you were whoring yourself out for information?"

"I'm not, I'm—"

"Oh, but you are." His grip on your wrists tightened. "Coming in here asking for priceless information, knowing my price isn't laughter for you. Spreading your legs so easily for me, letting me bury myself inside you time and again until you're dripping. But you like that, don't you? Being used as a cum dump. Because you wouldn't be on birth control if you didn't. Here's the thing, doll — once you let me touch you, you became mine, and I don't like when my playthings entertain other men."

"I'm on birth control because I cannot get pregnant," you snapped back, trying to wrest your wrists away. "Imagine what people would say if a noblewoman had a child by an undertaker!"

"Dove, they wouldn't say anything, because the second you were pregnant, I wouldn't be letting you out of my sight. I wouldn't want you to run away from me or our family~ But enough of that. I do intend to punish you."

"Look, I won't go to him anymore!" You didn't like his tone, or how you couldn't see what he was about to do. You may fuck the man on a semi-regular occasion, but you didn't actually know him, or what lines he wouldn't cross with you. And you were just now realizing that.

"I've already taken care of him, doll. You won't be going to anyone else ever, I promise you that."

Cool air fanned your hot skin as he ripped your underwear off. He pulled your dress and shift off as well without letting you free, then tied your hands together with a soft fabric. "I was waiting for the right time to use this little toy."

He turned you over, finally letting you see him. Chartreuse eyes glowed faintly in the darkness, clearly angry. He had lost his hat and usual outer robe, leaving his tight-fitting clothes. He held up a set of clamps with individual chains running down to merge into a single chain, which ended at a third clamp. His smirk made you shiver.

"I have the information you want, but since you decided you couldn't rely on me, you can find it yourself. Wearing nothing but these."

"You can't seriously expect—"

His hand gripped your chin firmly. "You humiliated me by not only going to another man, but daring to tell said man I couldn't do what you needed. Therefore, I am going to repay the favor. I am being kind; no one else is here and no one will walk through that door for the rest of today. Keep arguing and I'll make it worse for you."

You swallowed. "Y... Yes, sir."

His smirk returned. "Good girl." He knelt down, and a second later, you felt something cold close around your clit. He pulled the toy up so he could do the same with the other clamps. You shivered as he attached the clamps to your nipples. "To make it more fun..." He hit something and you gasped as the clamp on your clit began vibrating slowly. "Every ten minutes, I will turn this up. Cum before you find the information or I give you permission, and you've failed."

"May I have a starting clue, please?" You breathed, hoping he'd be nice. "Just an area to look in, maybe?"

"Well, you do look beautiful right now... It's a red folder."

That should be easy enough, right? But you had a sinking feeling as his eyes gleamed. "Good luck, doll."

Thirty minutes in and you were still nowhere close to finding the folder. Undertaker watched you with a predatory smile, tapping the remote against his chin. "Want another clue, doll?" He'd ask, but you didn't trust his smirk. You weren't sure what he would want for the clue now.

And yet, you were at your wit's end. You had searched every bookshelf, every nook and cranny, and you had already tried prying more clues out of him without giving anything in return. That buzzing between your legs was driving you crazy, making you wet and sensitive without any relief of an orgasm. You weren't about to give in, though, so you faced him. "Yes, please."

"Please, what?" He taunted.

"Yes, please, sir," you amended. "Please, give me a clue. Anything."

He was toying with you, and you hated it. You hated losing, especially in this twisted little game of his.

So you marched over to him, where he was lounging, and before he could react, you unbuttoned his pants. You carefully pulled his cock out, watching as it immediately stood to attention, tip flushed and red. You straddled his lap and groaned softly as you sank down onto him. "Please," you breathed, rolling your hips, "give me a clue."

His hands gripped your hips and he bit back a moan, thrusting upwards. "Is this your way of seducing one out of me? I thought you weren't a slut."

"Aren't I? For you? You make big speeches about me, but God knows you can't wait to rip my clothes off as soon as I set foot in your shop." You whimpered as he hit a certain spot, toes curling with the effort to not cave and orgasm right there.

"Well, that admission is beautiful enough," he grunted. A few more thrusts and you feel warmth spurt inside of you. You hated how much you loved it. He panted for a second, eyes locked onto yours. After a moment of regaining his breath, he tilted his head. "Almost beautiful enough to unlock the location."

You startled as the vibrator turned up a notch, and your vision almost went black. Fuck, you needed to cum so badly. Tears pricked the corners of your eyes. Your legs were trembling from the effort to hold back, your body on fire from the pleasure of the toy. One of his hands gripped your chin again and gently turned it, so your gaze met his desk.

"Oh- Oh!"

At the same time, his other hand had pressed the clamp more firmly onto your clit, and you nearly came right there. With a grunt, biting your lip so hard it would surely bleed, you managed to fight that high off. "Y-Your desk...?"

"What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?" He crooned in your ear. "Go on. Try my desk, doll."

You shakily stood, not even caring how your arousal dripped down your thighs, or how his cum leaked out of you. You stumbled to the desk and began frantically pulling the drawers open. You almost cried in frustration when all but two opened, not bothering to look at the other drawers. He surely had it locked up.

Undertaker came up behind you, hands now on your breasts. "Now, which one do you think has the folder? Guess correctly and you win. Guess wrong, and you lose."

The right drawer seemed like it might... but so did the left drawer. You almost couldn't think, hands gripping the edge of the desk until your knuckles turned white. At this rate, you had moments before you lost, and he knew it. So which one would he put the folder into? He wouldn't make this so easy, would it?

Your eyes widened.

"It's..." Your voice broke. "It's not in there," you managed, turning. "Is it? You've had it this whole time, haven't you?"

He merely tilted his head, watching you. "Is that your final answer?"

I can't lose...

"Yes." You stated as firmly as you could, leaning against the desk for support. "I know you have it."

A grin spread over his lips. "Clever~" He reached into his shirt, producing the desired folder. "It's all yours, but first..."

In a flash, he had you on top of the desk, cock buried inside you. The vibrations increased on your clit as he thrust, and in a second, you tumbled into pure pleasure. Loud moans filled the shop as he fucked into you, pushing you through your orgasm. Your vision went white now, head spinning as you could feel nothing but him and yourself, the only two people in the world for this moment.

"UNDERTAKER!"

Darkness greeted your vision when you finally woke. Something soft was all around you, and you groaned. "Nhm...?"

"Careful, doll," a voice crooned by your ear. "That was quite the orgasm you had. Almost thought I lost you there." You felt something warm on your face. "Shh, don't fight. I'm cleaning you up."

His face came into focus after you squinted your eyes, trying to clear the blurriness. Gone was the cruel amusement. His expression was soft, almost... sweet. He continued cleaning you up, careful to avoid your sensitive parts.

"I... passed out?" You rasped.

"After doing such a good job of winning, yes. You're in my bed now. You'll need to rest for a day or so," he explained, pulling back. "Especially when you're going to be in such a fragile condition soon. I've already contacted your estate, and they know you'll be taking a leave of absence."

"Wait, what?" You rubbed at your eyes, noticing you were indeed in his bed. He'd never let you up here before. What the hell was going on? But you were too tired to fight, just watching him. "Fragile condition...?"

"Isn't it wonderful? I'm certain you'll be with child soon. After all, that little betrayal made me realize I should officially claim what's mine, and what I want. Don't worry, you'll be a mother soon." He chuckled.

"So, doll, how do you feel about a nighttime wedding?"

[transsexula]

Hate seeing people say that Transandrophobia isn't real because, in their words, the "androphobia" isn't something people in real life face.

Now. Maybe this is because when I see this opinion, it's attached to someone who is either transfem, AMAB, or who has only ever lived in incredibly liberal areas.

Meaning: They do not have the life experience to speak on that.

It's simple, I can use myself as an easy example: I grew up on the west side of the US. My extended family and parents were very Christian, very conservative. The community I grew up in was in turn the same- very conservative, very Christian, very fundamentalist. Certain Disney movies were banned from the house for featuring witchcraft, or other "morally reprehensible" things. DISNEY MOVIES.

With this background, I'm sure you can tell where this was headed: I can clearly remember being in the pharmacy with my mother. I was small. I saw a lady with what I now know is a pixie cut- incredibly short hair, bright bold pink. Her girlfriend was there, and her own hair was incredibly butch- like they went to a sports clips and asked for what the guy next to them was getting. I was amazed- I'd never seen a woman that looked like that before. I voiced so with awe and wonder to my mother. I was supposed to get a haircut in an hour. "I want that! She looks so pretty and nice"

Who was visibly disgusted. Grabbing me, yanking me away, muttering "no. You don't want to look like that. Let's go."

Fast forward a few years. I'm too young to be drinking a beer, my uncle has stayed up late. We are watching music videos and sharing interests, when we see a rather masc looking woman in a video. He's disgusted. He makes an offhand joke about how she needs to be reminded of her feminine ways. I know what violations he's implying so vividly. He opens up about his fantasy of hatecriming two butch "women" he saw. I'm too afraid to speak.

There's a debate in church. Should women be allowed to wear above the knee shorts? We really didn't like that they can wear pants. Really, the pastor says in his sermon- it's the woman's job to maintain her feminine nature, in opposition to her husband's masculine nature. These blurring lines aren't good for people.

And- I don't want to get into the people I've known who've been hurt, abused, forcefully feminized, beaten for being masculine- the men that feel entitled to their bodies, because they feel entitled to a say in how they present.

The reason you don't see the abuse for being masculine, is because you come from a world where it's widely accepted in ways that not every culture, not every state or country has.

Gnc women, trans men, transmasc nonbinary people- if you're in the wrong place, born to the wrong family, you may never be safe enough to wear pants. You may not be able to cut your hair. Or be anything less than the perfect, ideal woman.

You get punished for not being what you have been assigned. For the act of defiance against others perception, you can be killed.

So, yeah. There's a lot of androphobia. There's a LOT of fear of the masculine. It just comes out in ways you aren't expecting, as someone who hasn't had to experience it. You don't know what to look for. Where to look. It's everywhere but you can be blind to it if you're insulated enough.

Hell- even terfs are falling into severe androphobia. It's their whole motto. What am I, if not a failed woman to them? Mutilating my perfect feminine form? Being a man is the ultimate crime to these people. Are you really telling me JKRs very public campaign hasn't made life hell for ALL of us? We are all losing healthcare due to this.

[hyunjinets]

Paring: Gang leader Mingi x Lawyer reader

Word count 2.2k

Genre: Romance, slight angst, non idol au

Warnings: some suggestive themes, some cursing and some violence

Notes: this is my first fanfic since I was like 14 so please bear with me while I learn how to write again ,I didn’t dive to much into the lawyer part but there is hints

Tried to make it gender neutral, there is no y/n but just some lil names like : Angel, Love, Gorgeous

Heavily inspired by Sabrina Carpenter’s song and mv Please Please Please cause I just love the concept of it

“ I know I have good judgment, I know i have good taste  “

I sighed as I slid into the seat and took my sunglasses off and gazed at the little smirk my boyfriend gave me through the glass. I grabbed the phone that allows me to talk to him “ hi baby”  he said while putting his hand up to glass, i did the same giving him a little smile “hi Mingi “ Mingi has always been a trouble maker ever since i met him, he was a pretty notorious gang leader, i was a lawyer who had to deal with his gangs cases all the time. I knew better than to fall for someone like him but he had some sort of charm that attracted me to him when I met him. When we first started seeing each other he promised me he would do better and he was for the most part but now I'm looking at him through a glass right now. he got caught doing something stupid again, deep down i was disappointed but i know he’s different than the rest so i decided to listen to his story this time “Minks what happened love?” He made this face that always got me hooked, he looked at me with such love but always had this dopey little grin on his face as he told me he got caught doing some petty little crime. It’s bad  I know but I couldn't help give him that same soft loving smile. He continued his story and we talk about some other things before visitation was over, he gave me sad puppy eyes as i got ready to get up leave placing his hand on the glass like he did before “ i wish we had more time together, I miss you so much my love” i instantly melted at the sight “ i know baby i will get you out of here soon my love “ placing my hand where his was, wishing it could just go through the glass and hold his “ see you soon minks “ i go and stand up adjusting my outfit. I wore something somewhat discreet  as I was not one to bring attention to myself, I waved at him and he blew me a kiss “ bye baby, thinking about you always” I couldn’t help but  smile as I started my way out of the jail.

A few days later Mingi was put on trial and I was able to bail him out. I sat outside leaning against my car waiting  for him to be able to leave more dress up than usual just for him. The doors opened as he sauntered out with that same stupid little smirk of his. I smiled as  walked up to me and warped his arms around me and gave me a kiss “ hello gorgeous, i missed you so much” even though it has only been not even a week i also missed him just as much. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he placed his hands on my hips, slightly pushing me against my car “ I missed you too my  love “ I smiled at him before poking him sternly in the chest “ but you have 3 strikes mister. If you keep messing up like this you will have to be punished” he gave me that same smirk and lifted one of his eyebrows in a questionable look “ oh?” i nodded before slipping out f his grasp and walking to the driver side, as he immediately followed and opened my door for me “I'm serious Mingi, please don't embarrass me” even though i tried to be serious with him i couldn't with that face he gave me “ I wouldn't  dream of it angel”   he laughed and walked over to the passenger side and got in. I started the car and before we drove off I looked over at him and smiled, only hoping he wouldn't prove me right.

“ whatever devils inside you, don't let them out tonight”

It’s been a few months since the first incident and things have been going smoothly, Mingi has been so dotting and  loving, taking me out on dates and buying me nice things, I never questioned how he got the money or how he got some of the things he did but i could assume he had to rough someone up for it. The night was going so well, Mingi invited me out to a club

with some of his gang members. Normally i don't go out and party often but I couldn't deny his puppy eyes plus he has been so attentive and despite what they do I actually get along with his members especially wooyoung. We had a few drinks and Mingi seemed to be having a good time  with his members when i walked up to him and gently tugged on his shirt, i leaned into him and got closer so he could hear me “ minks can we please step out for a little bit i could use some fresh air” he nodded slightly concerned “ everything alright angel?” I nodded “ I just need a breather, " I smiled at him and took his hand into mine as we walked out the club.

We stepped out and he led me to  a small side alley away from the entrance where people are still trying to get in. I leaned against the wall as he wrapped  an arm around my waist and rested his forehead against mine looking into my eyes. He gave me a soft kiss and i leaned into it, we continued to share soft kisses until a shadow came over us and he was suddenly pulled away from me , ‘ what the fuck “ he yelled as he was suddenly punched in the face, as he stumbled back he was grabbed by the collar. A man who was not much bigger than Mingi had him in his grasp yelling “ how fucking dare you show your face around here, after what you and your gang did!” from the looks of the man he looked to be another rival leader and he had few of his members with him. I gasped in shock and fear as he landed another punch on Mingi letting him go, Mingi’s head sharply turned to the side as he spat out some blood that has build up in his mouth, he turned his head back and glared at the man seemingly recognizing him “ maybe you and your lackeys shouldn't have been on my turf messing with my things”.The man angrily growled and Mingi got ready for another blow he quickly yelled out for me to go get the others from inside. I nodded and hurriedly went rushing back inside, hardly missing one of the man's members reaching out to grab me. As I ran  in I hurriedly looked around for one of the others quickly spotting them standing around a table drinking, i rushed over and started yelling over the music so they could hear me  “ guys please help, Mingi is being jumped by some rival gang “ as i was telling them where he was at the first one to jump up and rush out was Yunho who was like his second in command  the others quickly following behind him wooyung decided to stay behind with me to make sure im okay, after some time past and i sat worriedly, wooyoung led me out and back to my car. As we reached my car Mingi was there waiting for us his face bloody and bruised, wooyoung led me over to him as I sat on the hood of my car taking Mingi into my arms, wooyoung patted him on the shoulder and left to go home telling Mingi to text him later. I gently grabbed Mingis face  gently running a finger over his bruise, he winced away at first before leaning into my touch ‘ you okay Mings” i say as he gives me that dopey little smile “ m’fine Angel, you should see the other guy “ he laughs and i give him a soft smile caressing his cheek, We sat there for a few minutes before i felt my car move move slightly, something was in my trunk. I gently pushed Mingi off me and hopped off my car with him following me. I quickly opened my trunk letting out a short gasp as I saw the guy who Mingi fought with battered, bruised, gagged  and tied up in my trunk. I slowly turn to Mingi giving him a disappointed look : Mingi what is this “ he gave me a sheepish smile “ sorry love but i couldn't let him get away with this” i sighed and asked him how this even started in the first place  and he told me how this guy has been messing around his so called “turf “ for months so they finally got back at him, apparently the rival gang just so happened to be at the same club and decided to get revenge tonight. I shut my trunk back and gave Mingi a pointed look  feeling a flush of embarrassment wondering is someone potentially saw the chaos or if they saw who was in my trunk at the moment  “ Mingi we talked about this, you said you would do better and not start unnecessary

fights” Mingi shrugged “ technically he started it soooo “. I sighed, feeling so disappointed in him that I stepped away and started walking to the driver's  side. Mingi followed closely behind, opening the door for me like he always did. I sat in the driver's seat and started my car. He closed my door before while pouting “ you’re not mad at me are you Angel?” I gave him a look to express my feelings with him “ You really need to learn to do better Mings” I didn't want to tell him that I couldn't have him embarrassing me and that his actions could ruin my reputation. He continued to pout as I drove away while trying not to cry the makeup I did perfectly just for the night, while on my way I had to figure out what I was gonna do with the guy in my trunk.

 If you wanna go and be stupid don't do it in front of me”

It took about a week or two for me to finally give into Mingi’s begging and pleading for me to give him another chance. I ultimately decided that was his second strike and he has one more before punishment. He swears up and down that he wouldn’t do anything stupid and that he would be good for me. So when he came to my door begging to take me out for dinner and take me to an  arcade because what could go wrong there, I said yes to it. He took me out to a nice little restaurant and then took me to an arcade that stays open later. Everything was going well until someone accidentally bumped into him and he ended up getting into a fight with the said person and accidentally breaking one of the claw machines during the fight. I stood in front of him as he was being put into handcuffs. One of the workers was tending to the person Mingi fought with while the others looked in shock. I gently caressed  his face as he struggled to get closer to me while the cops were pulling him away. While they were taking him away i just watched, crossing my arms and shaking my head while whispering to myself “ please please please don’t prove I'm right” 

Another week passed and I was able to pull some strings and get him bailed out. like the first time I was leaning against the hood of my car waiting for him to walk out. When he finally did he looked more down than he usual cocky smirk. He walked up to me and i sighed rolling my eyes before getting up and going to the driver's seat, he like always opened the door for me then got in on the other side,   

When we finally made it home I decided that was his final strike. He was sitting in the chair in front of me, giving me this look. I couldn't tell if he regretted it or not but either way he needed to be punished for it. I grabbed some handcuffs that I got from a cop friend of mine before dangling  them in front of his face. I got up and started to walk towards him seductively, when I was finally in front of him he gave me a smirk, I just smiled at him before going around and handcuffing his arms to the chair. I went and grabbed some duct tape and went to face him again. I laughed slightly at his  face. He caught onto what I was doing and seemed to accept his fate. I leaned forward and put a piece of duct tape over his mouth. I stepped back admiring my work before  and taking on his reaction. I thought a lot about my feelings for him and  even though he does stupid things sometimes I know I could never change him and maybe just maybe I liked him this way. I caressed his face and leaned forward once more before giving him a kiss that he leaned into. I  patted his cheek and straightened up before walking away to let him sit there and suffer for a little bit longer. I love him but he is still being punished after all. When I left Mingi just sighed and accepted his fate but he knows that he is completely whipped for me.

   “ Please Please Please”

[svtyandere]

omggg hi i’m so excited this is exactly what i’ve been waiting for 🥹

can i request a yandere jeonghan imagine where he continually cheats on y/n to try and make her jealous but it only causes her to hate him more. like i want her to turn cold towards him and he ends up breaking down because she can’t look at him the same anymore.

yk maybe turn a little crazy hehehe 🤭

and thank you! i can’t wait for your future writings!! 🤍🤍🤍

TW: threats of self-harm, mentions of murder, yandere behaviour

Doormat. That’s what your friends accused you of being. And that’s what you were every time Jeonghan walked out the front door. You knew what he was doing, anyone with half a brain knew. And honestly, you were fed up. 

Jeonghan stumbled through the door, the imprint of lips pushed onto his collar and breath reeking of alcohol. A greasy, “hey baby”, crawled out of his throat. Yet you paid him no mind, completely immersed in eating your dinner. Dragging his gaze up, he frowns as he realises there is only one plate on the table, yours. "What's up, huh? Why'd y'not make food for me?" He pouts and slumps against your back. Biting back an anguished scream, you lift your plate and carry it toward the kitchen. Jeonghan however, almost falls over due to the abruptness of your actions.

Jeonghan looks like he’s praying. His hands grasping at the skin of your soft thighs and his knees bare against the hard cold floor, is the greatest juxtaposition, he thinks. "Baby please, I love you more than anything in the world. I only did it for your attention, I'm so desperate for it. I need it! I need you!", he whimpers, pushing his face further into your thighs. Slap! As soon as his pleading eyes meet your own cold ones, you raise your hand and strike. The moan he lets out is downright sinful. This sound, however, furthers your hatred. "You're fucking disgusting. Going around and sleeping with other women. I hate you." At this, tears, which previously have been pooling in the corners of his eyes, stream down his face. Jeonghan wails, "No please! They mean nothing to me! Nothing! You are all that matters, they're worthless!" At this, he pauses, considering. Gently, he reaches for your chin, twisting it to face him. "All of those women I flirted and slept with, every single one... is dead. I killed them all. Taking me away from you and causing you to hate me was a crime punishable by death. I can show you if you'd like? Prove my love for you? Or maybe you should punish me? I've definitely been a bad boy... and bad boys need to be punished. If not by you... then I'll do it myself." As he finishes his speech, he leaps up. Positioning a knife at his wrist, he pleads to you, "Take me back baby, I know I've been bad... I just missed you so much. If you don't love me... pay attention to me... I don't think I can live."

[ketterdamskaelishprince]

lenore and the yellow wallpaper (a ramble)

so this is all one entire big and large ramble session from me, so ignore if you want because this has no actual point, and i also haven't touched the yellow wallpaper since i handed it in with my coursework so i'm bound to get things wrong. this is no high-brow analysis, this is just be rambling. i've finally gotten the courage as well to go on the big scary tumblr and speak so be nice please :)

anyways, now we have that out of the way– i bring you my observation.

so i've been rereading nevermore (because i am deep in the trenches of my hyperfixation on it right now and have firmly planted myself there) and i noticed something in episode 21 that i remember noticing the first time.

just for a recap, episode 21 is when they're facing the dementophobia trial, and lenore has gotten herself sucked into a hallucination. through this, we (presumably along with her) are shown parts of her past, and the fallout of her brother dying. in a long scene, we basically see the attic which lenore is forced to 'rest' in.

sorry if this is like an obvious tell, but my little rat brain was vibrating out of my seat to say this.

well, first off, let me just give you a little summary of the yellow wallpaper. we have this nameless woman (who's married) who's also our narrator, her husband: john who's a doctor and we also have john's sister: jennie. jennie isn't too important in the summary but she exists and stuff and there's loads of journals out there probably that could tell you super interesting things about her role in the story.

anyways, i digress. the narrator has been diagnosed with slight nervous tendencies and is given the rest cure therapy as treatment. she ends up slowly going insane in the attic (?) which doubles as a nursery, and there's this fugly yellow wallpaper, which the narrator comments to be basically like a crime to art and to colour in general. anyways, the more she stares at this wallpaper and the longer she stays in the attic, she starts to see a woman behind the wallpaper– and the short story ends with her ripping the wallpaper off and freeing the woman but then also, the story ends essentially with her throwing herself out of the window of the attic and yeah, suicide. there's like allusions to the woman behind the wallpaper and her being one at the end, but WE AREN'T FOCUSSING ON THAT, i've rambled enough.

anyways, how does this all link to nevermore?

THIS PANEL RIGHT HERE.

idk, the act of ripping off the wallpaper just distinctly reminded me of the yellow wallpaper, and i have no idea if the creators drew inspo from the yellow wallpaper for this or if it was one of poe's works (i'm not heavily versed in all of his works, but i have a collection of his stuff i should probably sift through and read). but yeah, thought it was cute.

i know thematically they probably vary, but there is something to be said that both of them are in a situation where society wants so badly to silence them and punishes their defiance with the diagnosis 'madness'.

i dunno, just a nice little thought. there's also the whole rest cure therapy too, and the fact that they're both in the attics of their homes– and i presume lenore is in a secluded countryside place here like the narrator of the yellow wallpaper is. so, you know– other connections!

also, as a side note–

this bad boy right here? ether? well some ether smells sweet, so i thought maybe (as a very dumb end to this ramble) that maybe, lenore associates the sweet smelling scent of what she used to be knocked out with to the sweet scent of flowers– i have no idea if that's why she hates flowers but i thought that was a fun little mention. food for thought, you know?

anyways, if you disagree that is totally ok, i truly don't know what i'm talking about half the time, but this has been bouncing on my tiny brain for the past few days and i decided i needed to let it out before i start plaguing the people i know in real life with my obsession. and also, friends, feel free to correct me if i'm disgustingly wrong on anything– i love to learn <3

and... yeah, that's all folks. gonna go rot now :)

[notmorbid]

crime and punishment, pt. 2.

dialogue prompts from crime and punishment by fyodor dostoevsky.

nothing could induce me to leave you now.

tomorrow all this nonsense will be over.

the drink makes me swear. don't mind it.

even running away is impossible now.

i'm not drunk. i'm never drunk.

do you trust me, or not?

you understand me because you are an angel.

you seem to have fallen from heaven.

i've sworn never to argue.

through error, you come to the truth.

you never reach any truth without making fourteen mistakes, very likely a hundred and fourteen.

we can't even make mistakes on our own account.

talk nonsense, but talk your own nonsense, and i'll kiss you for it.

to go wrong in one's own way is better than to go right in someone else's.

lock your door, and don't let anybody in.

what an ass you are sometimes.

i sometimes speak too much from the heart.

your complete recovery depends solely on yourself.

i never go to bed before two at home.

a normal man hardly exists.

why, are you afraid of me?

that's all in another world, and so long ago.

why are you laughing again?

why do you demand of me a heroism you do not have?

if i ruin anyone, it is only myself.

to act sensibly, intelligence is not enough.

people will write anything.

how did you find me, by the way?

if only you knew how you interest me.

pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart.

the really great man must, i think, have great sadness on earth.

be angry with me, if you like.

i knew you were pretending to be asleep.

reason is the slave of passion, you know.

there's something wrong with you.

i rarely lie.

in the past, have you ever seen ghosts before?

i know i'm not well, but i don't know what's wrong.

i don't believe in a future life.

there's something about you like me.

if only you knew what you're asking.

i knew you were lying.

forget me altogether. it's better.

if you love me, give me up.

i knew you would run after me.

aren't you sorry?

you're not saving anyone from anything.

what does god do for you?

don't ask. you don't deserve.

children can't remain children here.

you are like a child asking for matches.

don't play with me. don't dare.

[spectersgirl]

Hi love! I’m not entirely sure how you feel about angst (I’m not the biggest fan of it myself) but I had this idea of Harvey making his usual morally grey decisions and reader getting upset with him about it but with like a super fluffy ending because I need that. ♥️

I do like a bit of angst from time to time, this I can do! I'd love to be able to go more into detail on specifics of cases or what would happen as a punishment but unfortunately, my only legal knowledge comes from the show, sooo this is the best I can do :) I hope you like it!!

Faith in Me

Harvey Specter x Reader

-------

"Harvey, this is wrong and you know it!"

"Whose side are you on here? I'm doing my job, Y/N. You know as well as I do that Hopkins doesn't deserve to go to jail for this! He's innocent. It's total bullshit! I find this document and this whole thing goes away."

"Whose side am I on?! Harvey of course I'm on your side, I'm your wife! Of course I know he doesn't deserve to go away for this, but this isn't the right way to do it."

"Y/N, I don't have time for this. I know you don't like this and neither do I, but it's what I have to do to win this goddamn thing. It's a bluff, and it's gonna work."

Harvey was defending a long-time client who was accused of corporate fraud. He knew this client wasn't guilty, the accuser had been shady the whole way through, and you believed Harvey but this wasn't sitting right with you. You were terrified of the consequences Harvey's actions could cause.

You now stood from the couch in your and Harvey's shared home, pacing through your living room.

"You're manufacturing evidence! Harvey, what if they find out. Do you understand what that means? What this could do to you? To us?" Tears threatened to fall from your eyes now. You both loved and hated the fact that Harvey was willing to fight to the death for what he believed in. It's what made him an incredible lawyer, and an incredible protector as your husband, but it scared the shit out of you when he was willing to cross lines and commit crimes to get what he needed.

He didn't respond. He only sat, watching you carefully, deciding what to say next.

Harvey knew from the first case he'd taken after you joined the firm how you felt about his grey areas and the lines he crossed, and until he met you he never thought twice about doing it. He absolutely hated disappointing you, but he hated losing cases, too. He knew his client deserved to win, but he had to cut a deal to keep this guy out of jail, and he knew the only way to get one was to 'find' this document.

When he finally spoke, he was quieter.

"You know I know what could happen. I'm telling you it won't. I need to do what I do. Please, just have faith in me." His voice wavered, and that was all it took for you to break down. Tears streamed down your cheeks and burned in your throat as you spoke.

"Harvey, I will always have faith in you, I love you. I always will. But I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least try to talk you out of this and something happened to you because nobody else had the nerve to tell you that this is a bad idea."

Harvey stood now. He held out as long as get could, but he couldn't handle seeing you like that any longer. He pulled you into his arms and rubbed your back soothingly.

"I know this is hard for you. I'm sorry. It's gonna be okay." He whispered, kissing the top of your head.

"Promise me." You said quietly.

He pulled back, taking you at arm's length and looking deep into your eyes.

"Y/N, I promise. And you know I don't make promises I can't keep."

"Okay. Then if this is what you have to do, I'm behind you."

He searches your face for any signs of hesitation and for the first time tonight, since he told you his plan, he didn't find one.

"You trust me?" He asked earnestly.

"If I didn't trust you, I wouldn't have married you." you replied, a small smile appearing on your face.

It was Harvey's turn to smile now.

"Thank you." he whispered, wiping the tears from your face and leaning down to kiss you.

The kiss was full of relief. He felt lighter than he had all day. Not because he'd won the argument, but that he still had your faith in him.

[doberbutts]

I mean this is a pretty hot take but I think until y'all can sit down and actually provide examples of what you mean by "privilege" instead of using the word as a means of referring to the nebulous idea that some people have it better and its Their Fault, there will continue to be absolutely braindead takes about who holds what privilege and how it conflicts with actual first-hand experience.

That's why, when I ask what male privilege I was apparently either born with or received immediately upon coming out, I get crickets.

When we talk about male privilege, we talk about getting paid more. We talk about getting hired more, and into higher-paying jobs more. We talk about being able to vote and drive and have credit cards and bank accounts. We talk about reproductive freedom and body autonomy. We talk about rape statistics, domestic violence, and other forms of violent crime. We talk about immigration and citizenship status and human trafficking. We talk about power dynamics in relationships. We talk about society's expectations for gender roles.

There's two big problems with this:

Unless a trans man is completely binary, fully stealth, and has burned every trace of his past, almost none of this is accessible to him. Trans men don't get paid more unless their gender marker is M, there's no mention of ever being anything but cisgender, and they're completely stealth. They don't get hired more, unless these things are true. Many lived lives being discouraged from chasing higher paying jobs such as STEM fields due to being seen as girls, so they're not going into these jobs more either. Similarly with voting- when I registered to vote I was non-passing, with my legal name and gender marker. To the voting office, I was a woman. To my credit card company, who has never seen my face, I'm *still* a woman, despite passing most of the time. To my bank account, which I've had since I was 8, I've never not been a woman. When I took my driver's test, I was treated as a woman.

When I asked for a hysterectomy at 20, I was told not until I was over 30, had a minimum of two children, or had a husband to sign off on it. Just like a woman. When I whacked my head as a kid and was rushed to the doctor, the doctor specifically said if I was a boy he wouldn't have bothered stitching but a girl can't have scars on her face *while he was stitching my forehead back together*. I had to fight to be allowed to cut my long hair. I had to fight to be allowed to take care of it by myself.

I have needed to leave relationships when I realized I was with a man that would hurt me for his gain. I've been assaulted by my peers for being a black woman or a black girl in a space that I was not wanted.

I was raised with the expectation that I would be a mother to a large family with a husband that kept me pregnant and likely staying at home like a typical tradwife. I was punished, physically, mentally, emotionally, socially for rejecting that life. I lost literally all my social group from before I came out. I lost a good chunk of family members too, and the ones I have left are... trying, but not perfect.

And:

Other marginalized men are also often denied access to these things either. White men might be paid more, but white women make more than men of any other race. White men might be hired more, but "Rachel" is more likely to get a call back than "Rafael". White men are more likely to be in a STEM position, but tell me when the last time you saw a Native doctor. It may have been *legal* for racially marginalized men to vote, but those who did not speak English had no ability to do so until 45 years *after* white women had the right to vote (and technically it took another 10 years for translations to actually be provided). Banks and credit companies and driver's tests and mortgage brokers and more are *known* to discriminate, between barely-legal remnants of redlining to outright illegal discrimination because they know they can get away with it.

Black and Native children are taken from their birth families and placed into foster care and adoptive homes daily due to state-sponsered genocide. It's more than just the mother that's affected by this. Black men are largely targeted by stop-and-frisk policing policies that exist to do nothing except harass and assault them for just existing in a place, and are an extreme body violation.

New studies show that men experience rape and domestic violence at roughly the equivilant rate as women, but reporting is obscenely low due to social pressures and rigid gendering of victim vs abuser policies. The demographic with the highest rate of murder victims is black men.

Single, childless adult men are not allowed to immigrate to multiple countries, including the US, on refugee status. Men of marginalized races- largely latine and asian- are trafficked by largescale construction companies and then deported or abandoned when no longer needed.

Disabled men are killed or abandoned regularly by their able-bodied partners who got tired of dealing with them.

I know more than one man who feels trapped into a place where he cannot, ever, show any emotion besides horny, hungry, or angry as a direct result of strict gender roles being pushed on him. I know more than one man who has tried to take his own life because of it.

I know more than one man who has succeeded.

And I gotta be honest the further I get in transition and the more I pass the more I think that being a man... also kinda sucks. Like it sucked when I was a woman. Doesn't really feel like it sucks less as a man. Seems to me like society treats both of these pretty poorly and I was told the grass was way greener on this side and it's, uh, not. Not really. Not when you start making cis male friends and start realizing that a lot of these guys had a lot of the same experiences you grew up being told was part of a woman's life.

And I'm not saying that these guys don't have interactions where life is better for them because they're men. Of course they do. That's patriarchy for you. But I do think it's difficult to have a "male privilege" argument when people try to argue on a 1-to-1 basis and it just straight up doesn't work like that.

And I know a lot of what I'm saying ties back to the theory of intersectionality, that this can't flatten nuance like this is directly tied to the fact that a white woman, a native woman, an asian woman, a black man, a latino man, and an arabic man, are all going to have WILDLY different experiences that you can't just "well you're [gender] so you don't experience [harm]" about because it's blatantly untrue. Especially if you continue to add marginalizations, like immigration status, religion, sexuality, transition, language, and more.

[segretecose]

craziest thing just happened i just found out my fathercreator fished my pregnant body out of the river after i tried to kill myself because i didn't want to be pregnant and then he violated it in the most heinous way by swapping out my adult brain with my foetus' brain and keeping me locked in his house like a pet and when i left he created ANOTHER like me because he was sooo repentant. i can't be too mad at him though because he's dying 😔 rip. in other news i'm marrying the man who tried to marry my child brained adult body earlier on while i punish the Evilest Man who conveniently showed up in the final act so that he could stand in for the Crimes of All Men while the other actual men who also committed said crimes are forgiven or forgotten. i don't know what happened to the man who kidnapped me and fucked my teenage brained adult body and threatened repeatedly to kill me and attempted to kill another woman but that's irrelevant. DEAD BABIES! POOR PEOPLE! well anyway let's FUCK! also look at the fat man ahah look at the man with prosthetic arms DISGUSTANG! point and laugh point and laugh. well anyway there is a black woman who's a socialist in my house now. she has 10 lines of dialogue but licked my clit once. i smirk triumphantly. GIRLBOSS !