#I dunno I’m rambling lol

[crystal-cliffs]

No one tells you how hard it is to stay in character when writing sometimes. These two…they’ve got me like this 🤏

But it’s okay. I’m hungry for more Emilute content so I have to pick up the pen and do it myself even if it’ll be majority angst with sprinkles of fluff.

.

Writing my Redemption!Lute Au has been on my to-do list since the episode Welcome to Heaven so I’m praying I can finally make this happen and I hope that I don’t succumb to the perfectionist inside of me because I do think having Lute redeem herself is an interesting angle that I doubt the canon would ever follow.

Also it’s an excuse to make a slow burn Emilute fic and I’d eat dirt for any Emilute content.

[youngyoo-apologist]

Kim Roksoo’s parents must have been really sweet and loving people.

Even with all the pain he experienced because of his uncle, and losing his parents, he still didn’t become a bad person when everything was set against him.

Like with the children averaging whatever years old, KRS takes care of them and is in general a good father(I mean I question his lack of communication towards his children, like please tell them you have a healing ability at least tell your kids dude please please please please please) but that’s just a general KRS problem coming from the years and years he spent relying only on himself for various reasons.

His parents probably loved him a lot, they cared for him and they showed him what it was like to be loved. That just makes the fact that they died so early on in his life more terrible. Kim Roksoo may not remember them well, but I like to think that when they were alive, he was happy.

[ashdash2417]

K, y’all. Can we talk about the abandonment issues Uzi may have?

(The info I’m about to share is just my thoughts on all this. I could be right on some parts, and I could be wrong. Again, I’m just sharing what I think based on stuff we’ve seen from the series. Anyways.)

What inspired me to make this was this very moment right here.

“Are you like, gonna leave me?”

You can tell by her voice that she was scared. Scared that the only friend she’s ever had, the only friend that she’s made her whole life was going to leave her, and it certainly didn’t help that N and V got along well with the other students. Doing some activities together, having fun, playing around and stuff.

I think seeing this, this was the starting point of that fear in this episode. (I’m a little certain that in general, this may go back as early as the first episode, but I’ll talk about that in a bit.)

Here’s that fear she shows after investigating a little bit in the cabin, watching her closest friend get along and interacting with her classmates, despite having been a literal killing machine. And to add salt to the wound, he did so in such a short time. Something that she herself has never really accomplished the whole time she’s been in school.

Some jealousy may also be shown because of this, as she was talking to V, who was also doing well interacting with her classmates.

“Just.. so glad you guys fit right in. Suuuper cool.”

As we all know, Uzi certainly isn’t the most popular girl in school (which btw… relatable imo). In fact, Rebecca had said that she was “super unpopular” when she (well, the top half of her anyways, hehe) reunited with a few drones, whom I’m assuming are her friends.

Uzi doesn’t fit in. She’s like an outcast to her classmates. The “freak” of the bunch. She stands out from the rest of them.

“… You freak us out.”

“But mostly bite me!”

(I’m sorry, I wanted to include that second part here, whether it was relevant or not pfbt. Anyways.)

And it’s not just her classmates that practically outcasted her. Hell, her own father left her to be murdered by the same kind of drone that took away his wife (well, technically, the same kind of drone that struck her with nanite acid, leading to him putting her out of her misery, according to himself from the pilot, but anyways). Now, he may have been too terrified to take action and save his own daughter, possibly reliving the trauma of what happened to Nori. He probably couldn’t fathom having to do the same thing he did to his wife to Uzi. But it still does not justify leaving her, his own daughter, for dead. That is a really shitty dad move there, Khan.

(Or I could be overthinking on that part, and Khan could just be a really shitty father, but anyways)

The way Uzi may have taken it, was that he prioritized his precious doors over her. Having put up more doors to keep himself, and everyone else in the bunker, safe from drones like N. She wasn’t important enough to be saved at the moment she needed him most. Her father- the one who’s supposed to have her back, no matter what happened, the one who’s supposed to protect her whenever things go from bad to worse- had left her to be killed by a murder drone. (Possibly, I’m just spitballin here)

Once this happened, Uzi now has no one she can really trust to stick with her, no one she can rely on for support. She has no friends, barely has family; her father isn’t much like a father to her at all, let’s be honest.

(I would say Thad is the only one she kinda had, but if I remember correctly, they barely knew each other to be considered close friends in the pilot. The only reason Thad knew Uzi (or knew of Uzi) was because she’s Khan’s daughter. That was it.)

(Another thing I wanna add is how neglectful as a father Khan has been, even before the pilot. Hell, the posters that we see can speak volumes of how their relationship is. Not to mention he’s never really spent much (if any) quality time with her, too busy focusing on his obsession with doors.)

(One more thing to add: remember when Uzi told Thad one of the reasons she made her sick as hell railgun was to earn her father’s respect? …That’s just another point I wanna make about the infamous Doorman and how well he’s raised his daughter.) :)

So yeah, Uzi never really had anyone close to her in her life, meaning that she didn’t have anyone to trust, either.

Until this goober shows up.

(Or more like, he was about to kill her until she blew his head off, but that’s not the point.)

Of course, we all know they didn’t become best friends right away. Because he’s a disassembly drone, and she’s a worker drone, and… yeah.

If it wasn’t for Khan backing away from the fight and closing the door on Uzi, Uzi probably would’ve been dead right then and there. N probably would’ve killed her and everyone else without much of a second thought. However!

Considering how he told Uzi about V and J, he didn’t have the best relationship with either of them. (his crush on V seemed one-sided, at least in that flashback where V’s character was introduced? And J just straight up insulting him while stepping on him, and talking about how she’d kill him if she were allowed to.) He didn’t seem to have anyone to consider a friend either, at least mutually. For the longest time, it was just N, V, and J, doing their jobs, working together on killing the worker drones and such.

Then, what Uzi said to him about how the company treats the drones had created some doubts. N never questioned JCJenson and their motives until Uzi came along. And because of that, he almost died via a virus put in by J.

Then, after Uzi saves him from dying, and after they both stop V and J from killing the worker drones, N still stood by her side. N has never given her a reason not to trust him after that. He’s been with her the whole time after Uzi banished herself, and he’s never left her like the other drones have.

I’m thinking, after Uzi had banished herself from the colony, N could have left her on her own, he could’ve refused to let her go with him and V back to the landing pod, but he didn’t. (Not only because Uzi had encouraged him to look at the bigger picture, so to speak, but it also would’ve been out of character for N of all people (or robots in this case lol) to just deny her of joining the squad. He’s such a goddamn softy, let’s be real here.)

(Also, I wanna point out that from N’s perspective, she was the one who encouraged him to become an “angsty, rebellious disassembly drone” in the first place. If it wasn’t for her, he would never even question why they’re killing worker drones to begin with (other than to consume the oil for survival, of course). If it wasn’t for her, he’d still be out murdering. She was the one who respected him more than V or J ever did combined. (Well, in V’s case, this would be after her memories became messed up anyways. She did seem to like him when they were worker drones themselves.))

So yeah, this whole time, N has been the only one Uzi had ever really had throughout the series. N has been the only one that didn’t treat her like a freak, nor had insulted or threatened her in any way (lookin at you, V!). And most importantly, he was the only one that never left her at all. He stood by her side, he had her back, and she had his, and they stuck together, especially through the scary stuff.

So going back to episode 4, that was the first time since they’ve met that they were really separated. And the one time they weren’t with each other, Uzi had taken her solver form for the first time, and had killed her own classmates as a result.

Had N been with her while she was investigating stuff, chances of Uzi taking her solver form happening probably would’ve been really low.

Hell, this whole thing probably happened because she was alone, because nobody was with her, and she didn’t want to be left alone again, and she was scared that she was going to be left alone again after seeing N interact with the other students!

TLDR: Uzi probably has abandonment issues, and was scared the only friend she has was going to leave her like everyone else had in her life.

I wanted to make a long rant about this because it’s been on my mind off and on for a while, especially after hearing Uzi’s voice when she asks N if he’s going to leave her (god that really hurts!), and as sucky as I am with words, I wanted to try anyways. Hope y’all enjoyed. 😁😅 (and now to end this on a lil lighter note, here’s an image of a robot huggy)

[starbuck]

Listen: if you’re questioning your sexuality or gender and having a really difficult time figuring stuff out, you might wanna try reframing your thinking from “what am I?” to “what do I want?”

If you want to have sex with men, do it! If you want to go on hormones because the physical affects are desirable to you, do it! If you don’t want to have sex at all, (don’t) do it!

Labels can be a wonderful thing, don’t get me wrong, but they can also cause you to second-guess yourself into paralysis if you give them too much importance. You can always label your identity later on if you want to, but, in the meantime, don’t let stress over which label is “right” stop you from doing what makes you feel fulfilled in the here and now.

[hannahhasafact]

Fuck it I’m feeling bad about not having art posted online because I haven’t finished anything in awhile

gimme a number from 1-30 and I’ll post a wip/doodle for each number picked

[askamnesiamoonjumper]

me after editing the aau prologue for the bajillionth time

[call-me-frosting-or-not-idc]

I surround myself with people like y’all online so much that I forget it’s actually not widely acceptable to do things like write fanfictions. Like my brothers found the fanfic about Hannibal I was writing and they immediately started making fun of me. I would never dare tell any of my discord friends I write fanfic or am fully in a fandom or anything because they all think that’s “cringe” so yeah y’all are all so amazing and wonderful and I’m glad us tumblr folk and least have each other

[yawnderex]

soooo I had trouble sleeping last night, i was able to fall asleep eventually and I went to sleep at like late 12 in the morning or one oclock BUT!

I came up with some lore for some various ocs of mine (including two my Kirby ones) and I got an idea for two drawings hehehehe (I guess this break from doing normal drawings is sorta helping)

[if-music-be-the-food-of-love]

I’ve been thinking about why there were no major scenes of Buck and Eddie this episode, and there are a lot of different threads of thought I could follow; but the one that I can’t get out of my mind is that they have to keep them apart.

Eddie’s arc with Chris is perfectly timed within their story as a family unit. Chris is growing up and that’s a hard transition for a parent (middle school *shivers*). Eddie is doing better, so Chris feels safe enough to act out. He’s no longer worrying about his dad; he’s back to being a kid, a kid who does dumb things and learns from his mistakes. And that’s a good thing!! He needs to be a kid! But…this storyline coming at the same time that Buck is having his crisis is important, the timing of it is important bc it takes Eddie away from Buck. Eddie has to focus on his kid and parenting and all the stress of that. While he might notice (and I def think he does) that something is up with Buck, his priorities are elsewhere. He can’t be there for Buck right now, which is why Buck is going to spiral.

If Eddie were there, if he were available, things would be different. If he‘d gone to Eddie instead of Hen, chances are Eddie would have shut it down right away (tho perhaps without the payoff I hope we get at the end of this arc, which I think is the whole point—they have to be apart here to get the emotional moment, maybe a feelings reveal, maybe a moment of tension, maybe an acknowledgment of his role in Chris’s life, maybe a talk about the will, something big). Hen said the right things. She made excellent points, but she and Buck have a very different kind of relationship than Buck and Eddie. Buck went to a big sister figure who’d struggled thru IVF, not his partner. I think separating them here is setting up Buck’s eventual breakdown. He doesn’t have the person he needs bc the person he needs is busy with something important, so everything keeps spiraling downward. Whether Buck pulls himself out of it with his own moment of clarity, or whether Eddie eventually helps pull him out, remains to be seen, but the fact that they were so completely apart for this momentous decision is very telling.

And on the flip side, I’ve been thinking about Eddie and Chris and how all of Eddie’s arcs recently have been insular, family oriented. With Buck there as part of that family. Except this time…bc Buck isn’t there, and it feels weird. Buck’s absence in their arc is just as jarring as Eddie’s absence in Buck’s. The one person Eddie didn’t get feedback from is the person coparenting his kid. Eddie isn’t reaching out to Buck bc Buck is too distracted, but when has Buck ever been too distracted for the Diaz boys, especially anything involving Christopher? That’s a red flag right there. Something is wrong (and again, I think Eddie noticed but wasn’t able to focus on it). I love that Eddie reached out to Ramon, but it is really interesting and very loud to see them pulled in such opposite directions, considering the fact that they’d normally be the one out there supporting the other through it.

[tundrakatiebean]

Ok I know I’m harping on this a lot this week but it is WILD to me how obvious the major stressor is in my life. Like I knew that but being face to face with it for a week after going low contact makes it super obvious. I was great yesterday because I was just chilling in my house but now the Spector is coming back and I’m avoiding getting dressed and getting out of bed for like two hours and being stressed about it.

[my-name-is-jefferooni]

I know next to nothing about Rain World (Unable to play and watched 2 long videos about the environment and mechanics) and yet I’m already thinking up an au about the little skinny robo buddies

[lesbiansanemi]

When people leave comments on fics voicing that they don’t like something or are uncomfortable with it or weirded out… very confused about what they actually want. Like are they seriously convinced I’m gonna see that comment and go “oh my bad, let me just rewrite it and rework it specifically into something you like, I’ll get right on that chief” like bro what’s your goal there

[mostlykind]

my manager is a snake lmao she fully listened to me and my coworker complain about this awful colleague, pretended to care and sympathise, only to then give her more authority over us when we’ve repeatedly said she’s patronising, undermining and unbelievably rude :)

[sherbetyy]

🫂🫂🫂

hope youre alright!

tank u <333

[stariousfalls]

the fact that I’m posting video edits to tik tok…never thought I’d ever post there but here we are lol 😂

[prettyboylovemail]

I don’t normally date my own ocs but like…

what if … 👀