#I feel like—- Joel probably wouldn’t know what anyone who says this is saying

[ace-turned-confused]

shiftin' gear | part one

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pairing: mechanic!joel x f!reader series outline: a slacker of a boyfriend, no job, and now your car needs serious maintenance. heading to the mechanic’s, you’re just expecting him to rid you of your car troubles and move on — you’re certainly not expecting him to change your life chapter summary: your dad finally takes you to have your car fixed, where you meet joel miller — dangerously handsome and charming beyond words word count: 3,7k warnings: reader is able-bodied and wears a dress, description of a rather useless boyfriend, strained father-daughter relationship, probably highly incorrect information about cars, inappropriate and smutty thoughts from both reader and joel but nothing explicit a/n: i watched one single fifteen minute video about changing brakes, so if anyone needs a bootleg mechanic you can hmu and i'll be there 🫡 endless hugs & head pats to @frannyzooey for not only all the help on this chapter, but all the kindness & encouragement overall 💜

Your car’s had warning lights on for probably a dangerous amount of time. You’d told your dad numerous times what was going on, not that it mattered all that much to him because the car still gets you from A to B and maybe if you drove a bit more delicately then these things wouldn’t need maintenance so often.

If you turn the music up loud enough it just drowns all that out – both the warnings and your dad’s constant berating. Coming home one night, you try one last time to ask him for help.

“Some jackass cut right across me on the freeway, I made sure he knew exactly what I thought of him though. Lucky I didn’t fly out through the windshield when I slammed on my brakes, considering there's more warnings on my dash than on a fuckin’ storm-season weather report.”

That seemed to do the trick, God, if only you’d done this a month ago. Suddenly he was scouring his search and call history for some mechanic he’d been to for his own car – “Miller’s Auto Repair”, though he doesn’t know who the Miller in question is, saying he dealt with some young boy named Eddie with greasy hair and stains on his shirt to match.

He found some time in his oh-so-busy schedule to go with you. Was he about to lecture you on your attitude? Definitely, but at least your car’s going to be fixed.

-

You park in the street behind your dad and haul yourself out of your car, walking up to meet him. Taking in the place, it looks decent enough – tools scattered around, a young guy working on a car on a lift, plastic chairs and a steel leg table off to one side. Maybe decent is a slight exaggeration, but it’s spacious and airy and doesn’t reek of sweat and toxic masculinity. You’re certainly out of place, the sun blazing down on you in your simple daisy-print dress and you feel slightly overdressed.

An older man comes out of a partitioned-off room, the drywall not quite reaching the rafters and sheet metal above. He’s wearing well-fitted and surprisingly chic black coveralls — a hint of skin peeking from behind the lapel, cuffs buttoned up below his elbows, belt around his hips and there are even pleats in the pant legs. And you thought you were overdressed. You mindlessly smooth out your dress, suddenly feeling like you haven’t made enough of an effort.

It’s not that you were expecting someone unattractive, but the man waltzing towards you is criminally handsome — if only you could find a boy your own age who looked like this. A part of you is actually jealous your dad found this place before you did.

He reaches out to both you and your father with a firm handshake, “Name’s Joel. What can I do for ya?”

“My daughter here’s been having some car troubles.” He gestures to you and you notice Joel gives you a once-over and nods.

Taking the silence as your queue to speak, you start listing everything gone wrong with your car. “First it told me the brake pads need changing, and that was about, what, six weeks ago now?” You glare at your dad, your tongue in your cheek and arms tight across your chest.

“Told you I’ve been busy, you know this.” He matches your look and you turn your attention back to Joel, rolling your eyes and he smirks ever so slightly.

“Aircon needs regassing, and the headlights don’t seem to want to go bright anymore.”

“Well, lights and aircon are quick fixes, can do both right now for you, not expensive. I’ll take a look at the brakes and see if we have sets here that’ll work and let you know about that.”

Your dad excuses himself when his phone starts ringing, leaving you alone with Joel.

“So why’d you bring your dad with? You seem capable enough to me.” He crosses his arms, tilting his head.

“I’d rather not have some macho mechanic clock me from a mile away, and end up getting handled for knowing fuck all about cars. No offence.” Joel smiles at your brash commentary, leaning closer towards you. “Wouldn’t do that to a pretty girl like you. Cute dress, those your favourite?”

You’re not quite sure what he’s talking about, to be honest — a fog came over your mind after ‘pretty girl’ fell from his lips and you stand there in silence, mouth hanging open in a daze.

He leans to the side and points to your chest, snapping you back to reality. “The daisies on your dress? That your favourite flower?”

“Oh! No, uh…” Your voice fades off, unsure of what to do about the heat creeping up your neck and into your ears.

 Joel just smirks at you. “You can bring in that car of yours onto the lift, sweetheart.”

You nod and start walking away, your dad ending his call and he’s already asking questions about the cost of all this work. Getting in your car again, you’re flustered. All this man has done is call you sweetheart and pretty once and it’s all you can think about. You pull your car up to the shop, lining up with the lift as best you can and roll down your window.

Joel leans into the open window with a slanted smile, voice low enough for just you to hear him, “Lined up perfectly there, just go slow and I’ll tell you when to stop,” and God if that doesn’t have your mind racing. You give him a weak smile and manoeuvre your car onto the lift, stopping when he raises his hand. Pulling the bonnet lever and climbing out, you move to stand with your dad again, stepping over discarded rags and dried oil stains.

Joel does what looks to you like a whole lot of fiddling and tapping and knocking of random car parts under the bonnet, and takes the light covers off to change the bulbs; he takes a wheel off and checks the brakes and you watch him the whole time. Skilled and calloused hands moving with ease, your mind wanders off to what else he’s good at with his hands. Crouching down to feel around a toolbox, his coveralls pull tight around his ass and thighs. That heat you felt a few minutes ago only getting worse just from watching him work, embarrassment washing over you – though not enough to look away.

Everything looks like it’s back in place and he lowers the lift, walking towards you and your dad. “Gas and bulbs are done, should be good as new now. Brakes you’re gonna have to come back for, though. Eddie just used the last of the pads and discs you need on that car there, but we can get 'em easily enough, should be here next week.” You nod at him, not sure if it’s easier to look him in the eye or avoid him altogether.

“And you can’t get them any sooner? Or, how long are these current ones gonna be safe for? I’m out of town again next week and–”

“It’s fine, next week is fine.” You put a hand out to cut your dad off and shake your head. You’re really not in the mood for his entitlement, and truthfully you’re looking forward to the chance to come here again without him.

“You gonna manage on your own?” he asks, his tone almost mocking and eyebrows raised.

“I’ll be fine, thanks,” you chirp back, voice curt and monotone.

“You sure?” Of course, he wasn’t going to believe you were capable.

“I’ll get Jake to come with me. It’s fine. Really.”

Right, Jake – your boyfriend. Someone you should’ve been thinking of a long time ago, when instead you were all but undressing Joel with your eyes, imagining the nice things he’d do for you, with you, to you.

You and Jake have been together just over a year now, slept together a handful of times, and all around he’s a decent guy. You met while you both were in training and were given the same placements for industry experience. He’s never done anything inherently bad to you, but lately, you’ve found yourself putting more and more distance between you — subconsciously initially, but now it feels more like a chore to spend time with him.

He’s been sweet and kind to you from the start, but it would be nice to have him make an effort every so often, brag about you, show you off. His grand plan for celebrating your anniversary was taking you out for lunch and calling it a day; if he visits while your dad’s around, the two of them spend more time talking than you do. It’s been about two months since he fucked you, if you could even call it that, and you’re tired of either faking an orgasm or reassuring him it’s fine you never came when you forget to put on the act at all.

You can’t picture someone like Joel giving you such mediocre treatment and being satisfied with that, living life so blissfully unaware.

Joel’s voice snaps you out of your fog and you notice your dad’s already walked out.

“See you then,” and he retreats with a tilt of his head and a wink.

Fuck it’s going to be a long week.

-

Joel already texted your dad three days ago to say you could come in, and you’ve been oddly nervous about it, your mind racing: what’s gonna be the quietest time to go, I wonder if Joel will be too busy with another job, I should make sure I’m not wearing the same dress again. You even made sure you washed your hair the night before in preparation, scolding yourself the whole time – he’s some random guy fixing your car, not to mention you do have a boyfriend.

Eddie’s nowhere to be seen, Joel’s wearing those same coveralls and there’s music playing from a worktop speaker.

“Afternoon, princess,” he holds your door open, eyes following you across the room, just the same as the week before. “Thought you were bringing a friend – what was his name?”

Fingers toying with the hem of your top, you only hope you made the right decision coming here alone. You’re not worried about something that Joel would say or do, no, but worried about something you yourself might. You never were good at hiding your feelings; you pray he can’t see through you.

“Oh, Jake?” You could keep it a secret and enjoy Joel’s attention a while longer but weighing up your options, maybe it’s better to just be honest with him. “He’s my boyfriend. He was uh, busy… today. So, just me.” He doesn’t need to know you never even asked Jake to accompany you to begin with.

“Is it cool if I stay while you work?” you ask timidly. “I can get a ride home though, if you’d prefer.”

“It’s no trouble, here.” He pulls a stool towards you, wiping it off with a smile. Joel gets to work on your car and it’s like a show, just for you. Definitely the right choice to come alone, you smile to yourself.

“So this boyfriend of yours, what’s he like?” he shouts out from the far side of your car and your smile drops.

“Oh, uh… he’s nice.” He is nice, but you can’t be bothered to think of anything worthwhile to say about him.

Joel rounds your car to stop and look at you. “Sounds to me like you don’t want ‘nice’.” His eyes trail up and down your figure and you gawk at his remark. Okay, maybe he actually can see right through you.

“Well, my dad really likes him. Says it’s good to have someone to ground you, or whatever.” Joel simply nods in response and turns his attention back to your car.

You take the opportunity to really take him in this time, with no dad around as a source of shame. Thick curls that you would love to run your hands through, sculpted nose, well-trimmed moustache, grey and patchy scruff for a beard, wide back and broad shoulders and firm chest and—

God, you need to think of something else before you get carried away. Again. You look around the room to refocus on something more appropriate, taking in all the arbitrary decor. Dog-eared posters of old rock bands, exposed bulbs dotted between fluorescent lights, a chain of mini chequered flags strung up along the wall.

You risk another look at Joel and see he’s taken two wheels off already, doing more twisting and turning of car parts you never even knew were there in the first place.

“What’s that?”

He looks to you over his shoulder, coveralls pulling tight again over his arms and back.

“What, this? Called a calliper. Holds the brake pads that squeeze against the disc, stopping the car.” You purse your lips, nodding slowly and Joel huffs out a laugh, facing away again. “Got any siblings that need car part lessons?” He continues, “Or better yet, maybe they can teach you instead.”

“Nope, just me. What about you? Any other Millers gracing the town?” You see him shake his head and he chuckles to himself. 

“Got a brother, Tommy. He’s in construction. I worked with him a while back — much prefer this, though. What’s a girl like you do? Working your dream job?”

‘I’m uh, in between jobs, actually. I’m a chef — was a chef.” You look down to your lap, picking your nails. “I quit. Place was full of sexist dickheads. They suggested I put myself forward for promotion, then gave it to some egotistical asshole with both less experience and qualification. So I told them exactly where they could shove their promotion and never went back.”

You sigh and look up and see Joel’s already watching you, a faint smile on his face almost like he’s proud of you for standing your ground. His eyes are a mix of sympathy and understanding — not something you’re often on the receiving end of.

“I know I kinda fucked myself quitting like that, but I was tired of constantly being treated like shit. And not a fuck was I gonna stick around and take orders from a guy like that.” You crack a smile and Joel matches it.

“You keepin’ yourself busy?”

“Trying to figure out what’s next. Not sure if maybe I should do some more training somewhere, expand my skill set y’know, or just find another job. Not very easy with my dad breathing down my neck.” Joel nods, and his keen attention spurs you on. He’s one of few people who have actually listened to you about all this without giving you his own unwanted opinion or unsolicited advice.

“Only real silver lining is having time to pick up some old hobbies again. And talking to you, I guess.” Joel gives you a skew grin and you smile bashfully, lowering your gaze as you feel your cheeks redden.

“So what do you get up to when you’re not talkin’ to me, then?”

“Bits and pieces here and there. It’s been nice to get back into piano again.”

“Keen musician, are you? Play guitar myself, do a lot of the stuff that’s been playing here.”

The mental image of Joel playing guitar is not good for keeping your mind out of the gutter, and you're soon thinking about what one hand looks like plucking away at the strings, the other in a firm grip around the neck. One hand plucking away at you, the other in a firm grip around your neck. You stop yourself before that runs rampant in your mind, focusing on the song playing in the background.

“Wait, can you play In The Gallery?” You lean forward, eyebrows shooting up to your hairline, a grin spreading across your face in shock and amazement.

“You know this?” Joel points off in no direction, giving you the same bewildered look, and your expression changes from that of awe to insult.

“Of course I do, it’s Dire Straits. Look, I may know jack shit about cars but I do know other things. Do you sing, too?”

He shifts his weight to one leg, cocking his head to the side. “Do you?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” You flash a smile and he faces away again.

Joel’s bolted the front wheels back and is busy removing the rear ones when a phone starts ringing above the music.

“Hands a little full here. Can you answer? It’s just on the bench there.”

Your eyes widen slightly, but you stand and make your way to find it. Sliding to answer, you hold the phone to one ear and press a finger in the other to drown out the noise, slinking off towards Joel’s office.

-

Joel watches as you walk into his office, phone pressed into your ear. He’s been thinking about you since you arrived with your dad last week, and he’s glad to spend some time hearing what you have to say. And, you know, getting to really look at you without your dad around. 

He thought you looked beautiful in that dress last week — thought what you’d look like out in public with him in that same dress, with his jacket over your shoulders as the air grows cold, you writhing underneath him behind closed doors and waking up in his shirt next to him the following morning. He scolded himself when you drove off last week for allowing himself that indulgence, that twisted fantasy about a girl as young as you — but seeing how you are today, maybe he was right all along.

You’ve been staring at him since you parked, and the way you bite your bottom lip and openly ogle at him when you think he doesn’t notice tells him you’re thinking about the same things, too. 

You seemed shy, scared even, when you first stood in front of him, overshadowed by your father and his clear frustration with you. It seems you have no issue with pushing him, but he can see in the way you stand, closed off, and hear the unease in your constant defence that maybe this eats away at you more than you like to admit. He’s spent a mere two hours with you so far, and you shine when you’re free to say whatever you want, be whoever you want.

Your boyfriend Jake, however — he might be a challenge. Your smile faded when he was mentioned, saying your father’s fond of him, that he’s nice. Maybe you haven’t been together all that long, or on the contrary, been together too long, but if ‘nice’ is his most redeeming quality… He took your indifference and curt response as a sign to not push any further for now, but that boy, whoever he is, clearly doesn’t know how to keep a girl like you happy.

He’s considering fabricating some story of something else that needs repairs on your car just so you’d have a reason to come back, even if under false pretence. You probably would believe him given the evident gaps in your knowledge, but the risk of breaking your trust might not be worth it. He should keep his distance.

He focuses on the task at hand again and finds himself paying extra attention to his work. You won’t recognise good handiwork, but he knows you’ll be excited about having a fully functional car again. It’s not much, but seeing that winning smile spread across your face will be enough for him.

-

Much like Joel himself, it seems, his office is pleasantly well-kept, bar a few too many half-empty coffee mugs and stray papers littering the desk. A tatty plaid-print couch against the back wall, a mini fridge tucked next to the desk, a leather jacket hung over his chair. Blinds drawn and with no sign of Joel approaching, you trace your fingers across the collar, wondering what it would feel like hanging over your own shoulders, arms drowning in the too-long sleeves and you drowning in him.

You leave his office to walk back towards him and Joel raises his eyebrows questioningly, wiping his hands off on a rag. “So?”

“Woman named Hazel? She didn’t leave much of a message, she just asked if you could call her back. Said you’d have her number.” You hand the phone to him, his hands cool compared to the heat burning under your skin.

“Ah, guess I should,” he mumbles, a hand coming up to scratch the nape of his neck.

“Hm, so who’s Hazel? Is she pretty?” You wiggle your eyebrows at him, a cheeky grin on your face.

Joel scoffs a laugh. “Nobody you need to worry about, not my type.” You feel an odd sense of assurance at his admission. “Well, everything’s done, you’re good to go. Your dad paid last week already.”

“And what about all the hard work you put into this? Surely I owe you something for that?”

“You spendin’ the afternoon was payment enough.” He smiles at you, eyes softening. “I’ll see ya round, sweetheart. Come by any time, I mean it. And hey, if you ever need a change of scenery, you’re welcome to come answer the phone for me.”

You’re not entirely sure if he’s seriously offering you a job or just passing it off as banter. It would get you out of the house and put a bit of extra cash in your pockets; you’d get to spend days on end around Joel, watch him work, and maybe get a glimpse into who he is beyond the charming mechanic you know so far. 

It would certainly test your resolve being so close to him. You consider all the afternoons that may look like the one you’ve just had — easy work, no Eddie or other customers around, just you and Joel and the tension between you. You suppose you’d have to find something to do to pass the time on days like these… Then again, do you really want to risk having him see you as just the girl who answers the phone?

Maybe you can fake something, an excuse to bring you back here to see him again. The ruse wouldn’t last long, not when Joel takes one look at the car and sees clear as day there’s nothing wrong, but you can pin it all on inexperience. Either way, you won’t be forgetting him any time soon.

comments & reblogs are hugely appreciated, forehead kisses to all 💜

dividers by @saradika-graphics

[atinylittlepain]

Hiya! I love your writing so much it's amazing. Can I request Joel and Reader! smut? Maybe angry s3x? I loveeeee grumpy Joel. They would def be primal and rough and fast about it too...oof. I'm not too good at coming up with plotlines haha

Anyways thank you so much if you do! :3

oof, this was fun to write

gif by @tightjeansjavi

Menace

Joel Miller x f!reader

Joel Miller masterlist

When Joel refuses to join her at the bar, she has a good time by herself. But he just can't stay away.

warnings | 18+ SMUT, rough sex, little angst, little fluff, mostly just smut tho

...........................

If Joel were here right now, she knows he wouldn’t like the looks of things one bit. Not because she’s in any sort of danger, the only real danger at the Tipsy Bison is whatever that cheap grog is that they keep stewing in the back. No, what Joel wouldn’t like to see is her having a good time, for once, without him. And that’s exactly what she’s doing. 

It’s a Friday night in Jackson, a town in which she can actually enjoy the luxury of having a real Friday night after a long week of patrol shifts. Joel, in all his brooding glory, had rejected her invitation to go out to the bar, telling her that all he wanted was some “fucking peace and quiet.” She hadn’t let that get her down, though, scoffing at his petulant grumbles and heading out by herself. And she was having a damn good time too.

“Goddamn, girl. Giving me a run for my money.” She grins at the man, idly spinning her cue stick in her hands as she walks along the pool table. 

“You better shape up then, or you’re gonna owe me another drink.” The man throws his head back in a laugh at that, his eyes crinkling up as he looks at her. His name is Teddy, one of the younger men around town who also works patrol shifts. She had a shift with him earlier in the week, and he had been warm and welcoming to her, still pretty new to the swing of things. It doesn’t take a genius to see that he’s flirting with her, and she’s happy to play along for now, knowing she’s got her grump of a man waiting for her back home, probably snoring in bed already. Love is strange, but she is Joel’s and he is most certainly hers, and she wouldn’t have it any other way. But for now, a little banter with this sweet boy isn’t going to hurt anyone.

“Watch and learn, Teddy. I’m gonna show you how it’s done.” The man whistles low as she bends over the table, lining her cue stick up with her target. So what if she’s hamming it up a bit? Shimmying her hips and flicking her hair out of her face. A small crowd has gathered around the table to watch her smoke this kid, and she’s enjoying the feeling of letting loose after being tensed up for so long.

She moves cool and slick around the table, driving home her last three balls before setting her sights on the eightball. It looks like a tough shot, and she revels in her confidence that she can sink it, feeling Teddy’s eyes sweeping down the slope of her back as she arches over the table. There’s a hushed swell of laughter and a few whoops when she hits the eightball clean into a pocket, and she turns and shoots Teddy a crooked smile.

“Pay up, boy. I want the good stuff this time, top shelf only.” Teddy barks out another laugh, but it quickly dissolves as his eyes flit just behind her. She feels him before she sees him, the solid warmth of him pressing up behind her and a broad palm splaying over her shoulder. He’s certainly not snoring in bed.

“You’ll have to take a rain check, son. She’s needed at home right now.” The low rasp of his voice tells her all she needs to know. He saw her, and the little moves she was making, and now, Joel Miller is pissed.

She can see the bob of Teddy’s throat as he swallows, nodding jerkily. She winces at the crack in his voice when he says that’s alright, he’ll see her around. Joel may be a grump, but he’s also a scary grump when he wants to be, like right about now as he’s steering her out of the bar with his hand still on her shoulder.

“Putting on a little show for all them townsfolk, darlin?” His southern drawl always gets headier, slower, when he’s angry. It’s never a good sign when she starts having a hard time pulling his honey-thick words apart. But she refuses to let him intimidate her, huffing as they trudge through town toward their house.

“It was just a little fun, Joel. I know you’re not too familiar with the concept, but—”

“Oh, you’re wrong about that, darlin. Me and you? We’re about to have a whole lot of fun.” So it’s like that. She can’t help the excited shiver that runs up her spine at his words, heat already starting to lick at her core. She’s known him long enough to know that when Joel is pissed at her, it can only go one of two ways. Sometimes, he’ll shut down and sulk off, keeping his distance until he’s gotten some sense back in his body to come talk to her. But other times, his anger flirts over into a jagged lust, only simmering to cool when they’re both too sore to bitch at each other anymore, a heaving tangle of sweat and pleasure. And judging by the hard flush she can see peeking out of his shirt collar as they get home, she’d put money on this being one of those other times.

The instant the front door closes behind her, he’s pressing her back up against it, swallowing her gasp as he licks into her mouth. She presses her palms into his chest to try to get some space, but he’s immovable, dragging his lips down her neck and nudging the collar of her shirt out of the way to suck searing bruises into her collarbone. She tugs harshly at his hair to get him to finally take a breath.

“Hey, hey. What about Ellie?” 

“At Dina’s.” And with those few gruff, syllables, he’s back on her, shoving his jean-clad thigh between her legs and pressing up hard into her core, her hips immediately grinding down to seek any kind of relief to the quick-building heat blooming up her spine. 

“You’re something else, you know that? Saw you acting so tough, so cool down at the bar.” His words are a smear across her chest as he works the buttons of her shirt open, dipping down to mouth at the fabric of her bra the moment he gets access, her back arching up into his mouth as she lets out a long sigh of his name. He chuckles into her skin.

“None of them know how sweet you get like this, though. S’just for me, right?” She chokes on a breath as his hand wrenches down the front of her jeans, rough fingers swiping through the slick pooling between her folds. He drags his nose up her cheek as he works one, then two of his fingers into her, her knees buckling when he crooks his digits just so, her cunt clenching hard.

“Asked you a question, darlin. Who’s all this for, huh?” His fingers are pumping into her relentlessly, the squelching noise of each thrust embarrassingly lewd and loud. It’s all she can do to give him a response.

“You– it’s all for you– fuck– only for you– it’s– just you– please–” He laughs, the smug bastard, smearing a kiss to her temple as he continues to fuck her with his fingers, the heel of his palm digging just right into her clit.

“That’s right, baby. S’all for me. Think you can give me one just like this? C’mon, know you can. Be good for me. Just for me.” He doesn’t have to tell her twice, her cunt already spasming around his fingers as she lets out a broken cry, pleasure crashing over her in ebbs and flows as he fucks her through it. He finally relents when her preening whines turn into whimpers, pulling his hand away and sucking his fingers into his mouth as she slumps back against the door.

She’s a complete mess, her shirt hanging loosely off her arms, the cups of her bra shoved down to let her tits spill out, while Joel stands before her still fully clothed, a contrast that sets heat simmering in her belly all over again. She closes the gap between them this time, pressing in for a demanding kiss as she shrugs her shirt off the rest of the way, fumbling behind her back to snap the clasp of her bra open as well. Joel’s hands are on her right away, palming the swell of her tits before squeezing just harshly enough to make her gasp into his mouth, her fingers stuttering where she was working on the buttons of his shirt. He seems to get the hint, swatting her hands away from his half undone shirt and tugging it the rest of the way off by the collar. 

“I need you right now, darlin. Got me fucking aching here.” 

They’re a stumbling swirl of limbs as they fumble upstairs to their bedroom, banging into walls and slamming doors along the way. 

He gets her exactly where he wants her, on all fours at the end of the bed, and she yelps as he wrenches her jeans and panties down her thighs. She cranes her neck over her shoulder, catching a glimpse of him, his jeans rucked down just enough for him to free his cock as he fists himself over her, his other palm kneading the swell of her ass. He nudges his swollen tip through her folds and she shivers at the sensation, trying to press her hips back into him to get more of anything. Joel doesn’t seem to like that though, laying a harsh smack to her ass that makes her nearly jump out of his hold.

“Mind your manners, darlin. Don’t get greedy on me.” She huffs, trying to look back over her shoulder at him but he presses a rough palm between her shoulder blades, forcing her back to bow until she’s collapsing onto her arms, cheek smushed into the sheets. 

He presses into her with one hard thrust, his hips grinding into the plush of her ass as she lets out a broken cry.

“Fuck– always so tight for me– fucking made for me, huh?” She can’t respond to his breathless words, not with the brutal pace he’s setting, the sound of skin slapping echoing through the room as he pumps into her, his leaking tip hitting a spot inside her that has her mouth opening in a silent scream. Suddenly, he’s snaking his palm up her chest, pressing between her tits to pull her up until her back is snug against the warmth of his chest, his lips pressed hotly to the shell of her ear.

“Tell me you’re mine, darlin. Wanna hear you say it.” She lets out a low moan as his hand dips down, the rough pads of his fingers dragging across her clit. Meanwhile, he’s skirted his other palm up to her throat, curling his fingers lightly, a faint but firm pressure making her mind go hazy. 

“I’m yours– I’m all yours– please, I’m so close–” His thrusts are getting shorter, more of a deep grind up inside her that has her clenching hard around him.

“Want you to say my name when you come, darlin. Make a fucking mess– c’mon, that’s it.” It becomes too much all at once, and she finds herself letting out a panting sigh of his name as pleasure finally snaps inside her. His hands slacken where they had been holding her up and she collapses forward, resting her teary face in her arms as he fucks her through her high.

“So perfect for me, darlin– shit– just a little more, huh? Fucking close.” His hips start to stutter against hers, and she does her best to press back against him.

“Please, Joel– want it so bad– c’mon, baby, give it to me.” He lets out a low curse, pulling out and fisting himself once, twice, before he’s painting her ass with his spend. He lets out a hard breath before flopping down next to her on the bed, dragging a hand down his flushed face. She winces as she lets her legs splay out, slinking down onto her stomach. There will be bruises tomorrow, without a doubt. She crooks her face to the side to look at him, still panting, eyes scrunched closed.

“Feel better now?” He cracks one eye open, glancing at her before fully turning on his side to steal a kiss from her lips.

“Fucking menace. Yes, I feel better now.” With that, he flops onto his back again, crossing his arms behind his head. She shimmies over to rest her head on his chest, her chin propped up on his sternum so she can look at him. 

“You better get me cleaned up, Miller. Made a damn mess.” He huffs, bringing one hand down and smacking the curve of her ass, making her yelp in surprise. She tries to kiss away the all too smug grin on his face, but it’s still there when she pulls back.

“I will. But first, I gotta know. Where the hell did you learn to play pool like that?” She lets out an exasperated laugh at that.

“Come with me to the bar next Friday night and I’ll tell you.” A low grumble resounds through his chest, but he’s still smiling as he shakes his head at her.

“You’re on, darlin. I should warn you though. I’m gonna whoop your ass.”

“Looking forward to it, Miller.”

[absurdthirst]

White Christmas {Joel Miller x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 19.8k

Warnings: Post apocalypse setting, threats of violence, technically forced entry, survival, mentions of family death, virgin reader, Reader celebrates Christmas, oral sex (male and female receiving), vaginal sex, loss of innocence, fingering, somnophilia, Joel's a little horny, cum play, pull out method of birth control, face sitting, 69, anal play, slight angst

Comments: Finding a cabin right before a winter storm blows in seems like a gift. Finding it occupied with you - a Christmas celebrating virginal survivor, is Joel's own Christmas gift. Providing safety and security in and out of your bed and giving Ellie the Christmas she had always dreamed of.

A/N: Merry Christmas belatedly!!! Charlie and I meant to have this finished by Christmas Day but life and family got in the way. But it's finally here! Cheers!

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

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|| MasterList || Joel Miller MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

The temperature is dropping again, the chill making Ellie shiver as she pulls her jacket closer and follows behind Joel. There’s a heaviness to the air, it feels almost wet and Joel told her that meant it would snow today. They need to find a cave, a dilapidated building, something, and she wouldn’t complain about a fucking fire to thaw out her frozen fingers. “Joel-“

“I’m fucking working on it.” His tone is annoyed and she bites her lip. She hadn’t been about to complain, but he seems to think she is.”

“No, do you smell that?” She demands, sniffing the air loudly. There’s the scent of a fire in the air. Someone has to be nearby. 

Joel frowns, squinting as he tries to look into the distance. His eyes aren’t the same as they used to be. He fucking hates getting old. Sometimes, when his body aches and he misses Sarah too much, his mind goes back to that dark place that’s memorialized on his face. He grunts, “come on kid. Let’s see what it is. Probably assholes who want to kill us but let’s see.” He snorts and Ellie chuckles, knowing how hard life is in the wilderness. The only person she trusts is Joel. He leads the way through the snow until your cabin comes up in the distance.

Joel tightens his grip on the rifle and looks around carefully, aware that the area might be booby trapped or there might be some guards. The place looks too neat to be someone holed up for the coming weather. This is obviously someone’s home. “Fuck.” The first flurries start to fall as the wind picks up and there’s nowhere else to put Ellie. He’s just going to have to make sure that he gets the upper hand when surprising whoever is inside and hold them at gunpoint until the coming winter storm is over. “Stay close.”

Ellie nods, watching Joel as he walks towards the cabin, and she shivers when the snow hits her face. He’s exhausted, clearly needing to rest, and so does she. You don’t notice his approach, too busy humming a Christmas carol as you putter around the cabin that’s been in your family for a hundred years. You smile as the pine smell fills the air, the fire crackling. You don’t hear the slight jiggle of the locked door until it’s flinging open and a man holding a rifle strides in. “Get down!” He yells and you scream as you do as he says, laying down on the floor. Joel immediately comes over to pat you down, wanting to make sure you’re not armed. “Anyone else here?” He asks, standing up and swinging his body around to see if there’s another person in the cabin with you.

“Don’t- no! Please don’t- don’t hurt me!” You curse yourself for not putting the bar on the door but you had been expecting to bring in another few loads of firewood. “Please, I-“ you know that you are in very real danger, it’s not like you’ve been isolated from what the world has become, even if you’ve managed better than most. “Don’t- don’t hurt me.”

Joel growls as you don’t answer his question and he smacks his rifle down on the floor next to your face. “Are you alone?” He shouts out at you and you shake. “Are. You. Alone!” He yells. 

“Yes. Yes. I’m alone!” You cry and he stands straight, deciding to go through the house to make sure no one is hiding. “Ellie!” He shouts, calling the teenager in. “Aim your gun at her. She moves. You shoot.” He commands and goes around the cabin, opening every door and cupboard to make sure you’re alone once Ellie has her gun aimed at you.

You are shaking, only slightly relieved when the girl shows up. Somehow hoping that because there’s a younger girl, that some of the evils that could be visited on you, won’t be. “I - there’s no one else here.” You promise quietly. 

“He won’t hurt you.” The girl murmurs. “Not unless you try to hurt us.” Huffing quietly, you listen as this dangerous man shuffles through your cabin, your home. 

“You broke into my house, not the other way around.”

Joel comes back after realizing that you are indeed alone and he’s shocked. A woman in a cabin all alone. Something he hasn’t come across. “Stand up.” He orders, reaching down to grab your forearm and he practically drags you over to the chair at the dining table. “Ellie. Rope.” He demands, needing the rope from her backpack to tie you up. He doesn’t trust anyone. “No one coming back here?” He asks, wanting to know that there’s not an army of men coming back to this place.

“I- no, I’ve been alone for two years.” You admit, hating that fact. People don’t come here and you had burned and buried the last member of your family before the snow two winters ago. “Please, take what you want and - are you hungry? I have some stew, take it. Just- just don’t kill me….or worse.”

That makes Joel pause. You’re more scared of what he could do to you than being killed. That makes him feel sick. He never wants to be that kind of man in this horrifying new world. He swallows harshly and lowers his rifle from your face. “I ain’t gonna kill you.” He promises.

You bite your lip, trying not to show how scared you are. It’s not that you’re weak, you’ve survived the outbreak and the past twenty years since, but now you’re all alone. “Why are you- what do you want?” You manage. “Just take what you need.”

“We need a place to stay. Storm is coming. We can’t keep traveling in the wilderness without dying of frostbite. We need to stay here. You gonna let us?” It’s a rhetorical question but Joel is a gentleman enough to make it seem like you have a choice.

“You didn’t have to shove a gun in my face for a place to stay.” You frown. “All you had to do was ask. I’m not- you have a kid. What kind of monster would leave you two outside during a blizzard?”

Joel feels a little embarrassed now that he went so extreme but he is used to the dangers of this new world. “I’m sorry but I couldn’t take a chance. The kid- we have been used to some bad people.” He confesses, “I didn’t - I’m sorry.” He says, deciding to untie you just as Ellie says “you decorate for Christmas?” She asks, noticing the garlands and baubles placed around the cabin.

You’re confused by the turn of events but nod as the man starts to untie you. “I did.” You confess. “My Christmas tree is on the back porch. I was planning on decorating it after getting some more wood. Before the storm got too bad. It’s silly, but it makes me happy.” You shrug slightly, knowing how ridiculous it sounds.

“It’s Christmas.” Joel murmurs, remembering the holidays he spent with Sarah. He didn’t even know what month it was, let alone what day. 

“It’s so pretty.” Ellie coos, eyes wide at the bright colors and decorations you have clearly maintained since before the outbreak. 

“How do you know it’s December?” He asks out of curiosity. He only knows seasons.

“I’ve kept track.” You admit with a small shrug. “My dad had one of those organizers that had calendars for fifty years.” You snort, shaking your head. “We started making sure we kept track after the outbreak.”

Joel is equally impressed and peeved. Why would you keep track of the date when the fucking world ended? He doesn’t understand it. It’s all about survival. He glances around at the nostalgia. “I can’t - where’s the stew?” He asks, knowing that Ellie must be starving.

“It’s- the stove.” You nod towards the rustic kitchen. At the time, it had been considered quaint to have a wood burning stove and a water pump in the kitchen instead of the modern conveniences, but it had proven to be the best possible thing when the electricity went out. “It’s- I’ll fix you some bowls.” You promise, slowly standing up and watching him warily. “Warm yourselves. There’s a bathroom down the hall if you need to use it.”

Joel knows Ellie will want the bathroom. “You can go.” He tells her and she looks at him with gratitude before rushing down the hall. He watches you as you grab two bowls and pour the stew into it. He can’t believe you’re alone. Most women on their own…well, it’s a cruel world and all the women’s rights that were so hard fought went out the window when the pricks who were against them took over again with the new world. Joel is certain that you’re capable. You have to be if you’re still out here after so long in this small piece of paradise in the middle of nowhere. “So…you grew up here?” He asks, curious about you.

“I did.” You carefully ladle the hot stew and add a few of the coarse ground crispy corn bread rounds that you had fried up to go with it. Looking up at him to find him watching you closely. “I’m not going to poison you.” You promise. “You don’t hurt me and I’ll be happy to have guests for Christmas.”

Joel watches you for another second before he sits down, deciding to trust you but not enough to set his gun down away from him. When you set the stew down, he can’t help but groan softly. “Sorry. We, uh, we haven’t eaten for a few days.” He admits quietly, averting his eyes when you look at him in understanding.

“There’s plenty.” You murmur softly and move back over to the kitchen to get him and his daughter something to drink. “I’ve been lucky growing and canning vegetables. And I had just finished processing the deer I shot a couple of days ago.”

Joel is impressed but he doesn’t let that show as he watches you as you move around the kitchen. Ellie comes back a few moments later and her eyes widen at the hot food. “Holy shit this place is amazing.” She gasps before she sits down and starts to dig into the food. 

“Manners.” Joel reprimands her, shaking his head until he looks at you. “Sorry. She’s feral.”

You laugh and wave off his apology. “It’s good to know some things haven’t changed since the world went to shit.” You tell him, setting down glasses of water. “Later on, if you want, we can heat up some water for a hot bath. It’s probably been awhile?”

Ellie nods, opening her mouth with food in it. “Swallow first.” Joel reminds her and she dramatically swallows her food. 

“I would love a bath. Jesus, this place is incredible. How the hell haven’t you been killed?” She asks you, wondering if you’re some kind of super woman to have kept this place safe.

You snort and shrug. “It’s remote.” You remind her. “Not a lot of people come this way. Winter is too harsh. And when I’m not being surprised, I’m a damn good shot.” You glance towards Joel and then look back at his daughter. “I’m just living the way my ancestors did, I guess.”

Joel hums before he takes a bite of the stew, groaning at the taste after not eating for a few days. “Fuck this is good.” He says and Ellie nudges him, “manners, old man.” She says playfully and he rolls his eyes. 

“So where are you heading?” You ask and Joel swallows, reluctant to tell you his plans. 

“We are heading west. Trying to find my brother.” He says vaguely.

A gust of wind pushes against the cabin and you look outside. The sun is fading fast. “I understand.” You tell him, knowing that most are reluctant to reveal information. “But you will be stuck here for a few days at least. The storm is going to be bad.” Walking over to the coat rack, you pick up a heavy sheepskin coat. “I have to latch the shutters and bring in more wood.” You tell them. “Eat.”

Joel is cautious but doesn’t react as you head off to secure the cabin. “You can relax. She doesn’t seem like the type to stab you in your sleep.” Ellie says and Joel tuts, turning to face her. 

“You should never trust anyone. Especially someone you underestimate.” He tells her, knowing he learned his lesson about that.

Outside, you scold yourself. “Fucking idiot, they could lock you out.” You huff, realizing your mistake as soon as the door closed behind you. “Then you’ll freeze to death.” You can’t go back inside and demand they come with you, and the temperature is falling faster than the snow. Making you shiver as you hustle around the cabin, snapping the shutters closed and latching them together to protect the windows and insulate the cabin more.

Joel doesn’t say anything until the door opens and his hand grips his rifle, ready for anything to happen. When you enter alone, shivering, he relaxes and lets go of his weapon. You set the logs down and he releases the tension from his body. You notice and he sighs, “I’m not - it’s not you.” He says, wanting you to know it’s not that he thinks you’re bad, he’s just developed habits.

“I should probably get another few armfuls.” You tell him. “The wind is starting to pick up and I’d rather not have to use the guide rope.”

“I can help.” He offers, standing up from the table. You hesitate for a second before you nod and he follows you outside to where you store the logs. “You prepped all this by yourself?” He asks, impressed even if he doesn’t say it explicitly.

“It’s not easy.” You admit. “I try to chop wood all year. Every day to make sure that there is enough. And during the summer, I try not to burn much, just for cooking.” You start to stack wood up in your arms. “Worth it when I’m warm in my cabin.“

Joel reaches out to take the wood from you, knowing he’s vulnerable without his hands free but also wants to show you that he can help. “You are very capable.” He offers you an awkward compliment just before he clears his throat. 

“Thanks.” You murmur back, eying him warily until you’re back in the cabin. You lock the door but don’t bar it in case you need an escape. “So…bath time?” You ask Ellie who nods eagerly. 

“Have you had others come through here recently?” Joel asks once you’re heating up water.

“Not for a long time.” Your eyes slide away, looking towards the wall where you have pictures of your family hanging up to remember their faces. “Last time was about five years ago.”

“You’ve been on your own this entire time? How the fuck haven’t you gone crazy?” Ellie asks with wide eyes. “All alone? Jesus, I think I’d lose my mind.” She says and Joel doesn’t comment, knowing that he’d probably enjoy the solitude if he didn’t have Ellie.

“I had family up until two years ago.” You explain. “So I haven’t been alone that entire time; but work keeps me busy. And there’s always plenty of it.” You set a bucket into the sink and start to pump the water handle.

“Two years.” He murmurs, surprised that you’ve been able to be alone for so long but he knows Bill was alone for a long time until Frank came along. Survival is more important than company. He watches you pump the water and he works on building up the fire.

There’s something about having people around that makes you happy. Humming a Christmas carol to yourself as you move the bucket onto the stove and open the burner to let it boil. “I should make some hot chocolate on Christmas Eve.” You hum to yourself. There’s still some left that had been dry sealed and you only make a cup on special occasions. Perhaps it would be something that the girl has never had before.

“Fuck yes. I’ve never had hot chocolate.” Ellie confesses and Joel raises his eyebrows at her in warning. Ellie watches you with curiosity. You seem like a glimpse into what the world was like before the outbreak and she loves it as you hum something she’s never heard before. 

“I haven’t heard that song in…well, since before.” Joel confesses, amazed that you observe a holiday that is no longer relevant when it comes to this new world.

“Christmas was our favorite holiday as a family.” You admit. “I’ve got this crazy idea that if I continue to celebrate, then they aren’t really gone. You know?” You shrug, knowing how insane it sounds, but maybe you are a little crazy.

Joel doesn't understand that kind of mentality. For him, he tries to forget about those times. For a second, he glances at the tree you had brought in and remembers decorating one with Sarah year after year. How she'd tell him off for putting too many of the same baubles in the same area. Bossy like her mother. He shakes his head slightly to clear the memories and focuses back on you. "And you've never had anyone stay with you that wasn't family?" Joel asks, curious if you had someone at some point. You are beautiful, even he can see that, and he's certain that most men would've killed for a chance to stay here with you.

You smile wistfully and shake your head. “Never really had that opportunity.” You know what he’s really asking and you shrug before you get another pot of water to temper to boiling in the bath. “The few that have come have been groups. Passing through or seeking shelter for a time. No one stayed.”

Joel nods, surprised that no one has taken advantage of you. The world is harsh and you’re lucky to have gotten away with your life so far. “Do you have a razor? I need to shave.” Joel says, reaching up to scratch the heavy beard he’s grown during the travels in the wilderness.

“I’ve got a razor.” You motion for him to follow you to the bedroom that you had taken for yourself two years ago, because it has a fireplace. “My father was about your size.” You tell him. “The closet dresser still has his things, he’d want them to be out to good use.” You reach for the shaving cup and straight razor he had used your entire life, preferring it over the ones with cartridges.

Joel nods his appreciation, glad that you have some spare clothes. The ones he is wearing are practically threadbare now with holes in them. He walks back into the living room and looks over at Ellie, “go have your bath. I’m going to check the perimeter before it starts to storm.” Joel says, grabbing his gun and he trusts you with Ellie for some reason.

“Soooooo.” Ellie looks around and then back at you. “You don’t mind that we are here, right? Joel really needs to rest and maybe he can get some during the storm.” 

You tilt your head curiously. “Do you always call your dad by his name?” You ask, wondering if the outbreak had changed those customs.

Ellie shakes her head and laughs. “My dad? He’s not my dad.” She declares and your eyes widen, suddenly tense. “And it’s not like that either. He saved me and I- I guess you could say he unofficially adopted me and now he’s stuck with me.” She explains and giggles, “he’s a miserable bastard but he has a good heart. You can trust him. He won’t hurt you.” She promises, “unless you give him a reason to.”

You relax slightly and nod. “I think you two are more of a threat to me at this point.” You point out. “But why don’t we just enjoy the fact that we are cozy and warm.” You click your tongue. “I think I have some clothes that might fit you too. From when I was younger.”

Ellie nods, “gee. This is - you’re like the best place we could’ve found.” She says and stands up. “Thanks for all of this.” Ellie tells you and you smile, “it’s nice to have the company.” She disappears down the hall. Joel comes back an hour later, surveying the area and checking the cabin for any weak points in case the storm gets bad. He doesn’t want to get ambushed during the storm. Old habits die hard.

“You have to be cold.” You huff, closing the door behind him and locking a thick piece of wood into hooks sunk into the walls of the cabin. It keeps the door secure against bear and man, even the wind won’t rattle it. “Go stand by the fire, get warm.”

Joel shakes slightly as he shuffles over to the fire, rubbing his hands to warm them over the flames. "Where's Ellie?" He asks and you tell him she's having a bath. He envies her a little as he shivers but the kid will be happy to be clean. "The perimeter is clear. Checked to make sure we have enough clearance in case someone decides to sneak up." He tells you, having learned some things from Bill.

You decide to not mention they are the first in years to come here, instead you decide to pour Joel a cup of hot chamomile tea you had decided would be the perfect ending to an adventurous day. “I have a bit of whiskey or brandy left if you’d like it?” You offer, having pulled a few bottles up from your father’s collection in the cellar.

Joel nods, "that sounds good." He doesn't remember the last time he had whiskey...maybe the night before he left Boston with Tess and Ellie. Yes, that was the last time. When you set the bottle down on the table with a glass, he pours himself a small measure, not wanting to lose his senses when he's in a strange place. "You having one?" He asks, looking up at you.

You take that as suspicion on his part and shrug, reaching for the bottle. “Sure.” You pour a larger drink and then tip the bottle back to take a shot straight from the neck. “It’s not poisoned.”

Joel snorts softly, "I was askin' if you wanted one. Didn't think you'd poison me like a goddamn black widow." He smirks and shakes his head before he downs the shot of whiskey.

You chuckle dryly. “Hard to be a black widow when you’re me.” You tell him, sitting down and staring at your tea cup. “Sheltered. That would be the word, I guess.”

Joel can tell you've been sheltered, not as jaded by life like he has been. "So does that mean you've never...?" He trails off, not wanting to fully ask before he remembers himself. "Sorry. That was over the line."

“Honestly? It’s kind of nice to be asked questions.” You admit, not exactly being embarrassed by your life, or lack thereof. “Didn’t exactly attract a lot of boys when I was younger.” You tell him. “Guess I was kind of the Ugly Duckling. It’s sheer fucking luck I was home visiting for the weekend from college when the world turned to shit.” You shiver slightly, not even wanting to imagine how bad it would be if you had been in the city. “And I was surrounded by family. So….no, I’ve never had sex.”

Joel nods, surprised and not surprised at your answer. It’s obvious you’ve been alone but you’re a beautiful woman who should’ve been worshiped by now. “That’s a real shame. I bet you look gorgeous when you orgasm.” Joel says bluntly, not one for mincing his words.

Your eyes widen and you look towards the closed bathroom door where Ellie is still soaking in her hot bath. “I-“ the man in front of you is handsome, rough and rugged like the men you had grown up around. He’s obviously capable and he must have a tender side if he’s caring for a young girl who isn’t related to him. You’re literally a forty year old virgin, and who knows when you’d ever have another opportunity? “Do you want to sleep with me?” You ask just as bluntly.

Joel raises his eyebrows in surprise at your bluntness and he glances behind you to the door where Ellie is. “Tonight. After she’s asleep.” He says, cock twitching at the thought of touching you, of taking your innocence. He knows it’s wrong. You should have a dinner date with flowers and chocolates and all that shit but fuck, he wants to see you fall apart. It’s been so long since he lost himself like that, not since Tess, and he needs to let go for just one night.

Swallowing harshly, you nod. “After she gets out, you can clean up too.” You would prefer to have your first time to be a good experience. “Then I’ll clean up as well.”

Joel nods, remaining silent as he thinks about touching you, making you moan. He doesn’t know you but he knows he wants to make you cry out in pleasure. He wants to lose himself in the act of sex. His mind has been so focused on survival, he wants to forget for a while.

Soon enough, your drinks are finished and you have cleaned up the kitchen from their meal. You had eaten while Joel was gone and you add some more wood to the fire. The light from the flames fills the space and the stove keeps the bedrooms warm on the other side of that wall. It might be a bit much to keep both going, but the temperature is falling fast and you want to keep the house warm since you have guests. “I should start warming more water.”

Joel can tell you are nervous and he works on getting cleaned up after Ellie is done and you heat up the water again. He groans as he sits in the bath, itching his beard and he sees the scissors and razor on the side. He looks down at his crotch and figures that could use a trim up too since this is your first time. He wants to make a good impression.

While Joel is in the bath, you settle Ellie down into the other bedroom. “Joel will want to sleep on the couch.” She tells you, flopping down on the bed with a sigh. “So I’ll just sleep here.” You chuckle quietly, knowing that he would probably be in your bed. “He’ll have plenty of choices on where to rest.” You promise and grin. “Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Since there’s snow, we’ll make some candy, how does that sound? To go with the hot chocolate?”

“Hell to the fuck yes.” Ellie nods rapidly, unable to believe she’s wearing pajamas for the first time in…well, ever. “This place is fucking awesome.” She grins before she yawns, “thanks for letting us stay.”

“Despite what others might do, I think it would have been inhuman to let you stay outside.” You shake your head. “Besides, it will be nice to have company for Christmas.”

Ellie smiles, appreciative and glad you’re so kind. A rare bird in this world she’s grown up in. “Thanks. Joel will be nice to you.” She promises, “and if he isn’t, I’ll make him be.” She smirks and settles into the bed.

You grin and shake your head. “The sheets are fresh and the room stays warm from the stove.” You promise. “Good night, Ellie” She had told you her name while Joel was gone and the girl bids you goodnight as you close her bedroom door.

Joel stands up and dries himself with the towel, deciding to not bother dressing as he keeps it wrapped around his waist while he trims his beard and shaves it back into the mustache of his younger years. When he's clean and ready, he exits the bathroom and enters what he assumes is your bedroom. He finds you standing there, adjusting the pillows, and he offers you a rare smile. "All clean." He says to announce his presence.

“Oh, uh, I better clean up too.” You bite your lip. “Do you- um, I don’t know, do you want me to shave? Bare? I mean I keep my-uh, hair tidy, but what’s the preference for cunt hair after the apocalypse?” You ramble nervously.

Joel snorts, "baby, it's your choice. I don't mind exploring a jungle or you can shave. I ain't fussy. It's the end of the world." He chuckles and shifts to sit down on the end of the bed.

You laugh quietly, shaking your head at your nerves. “Okay, I’ll- I’ll be quick,” you promise, rushing over to your underwear drawer and pulling out a lingerie set that never saw any use since you bought it the week before the world ended.

Joel finds your nerves endearing and he watches you rush around your room until you disappear down the hall to the bathroom. The fire is roaring and Joel takes a moment to imagine that the world didn’t end. That he met you in a bar and you decided to take him home.

In the bathroom, there’s still a bucket of warm water and you make sure you scrub every inch of your body, sure that he’s not fussed but you want to pretend like this happened organically. He’s attractive and someone you would have crushed on in college, even if he is a little older looking than you.

Joel licks his lips, his stomach twisting as he thinks about how strange life can be. One minute he’s out freezing in the wilderness and not sure if he’s gonna survive. The next, he’s preparing to take a woman’s innocence in her cabin that’s like a haven in the middle of nowhere. When the door opens again, he takes a second to inhale deeply before he looks at you. That breath is knocked from him when he sees you standing there dolled up in silk and lace. “I- wow. You look - wow.” He chokes pathetically, his cock twitching under the towel.

“I know it’s stupid.” You feel foolish for putting on the trappings of another time, another social expectation. “But I- I wanted to feel like this is normal. We are normal.” You step forward and devour the sight of him on your bed. “I’m not expecting words or emotions. I just wanted to pretend this was not desperation on both of our parts.”

Joel shakes his head, “it’s not desperation. It’s a connection. The need to feel something other than desire to survive. I want you. Thought you were gorgeous from the moment I saw you. Let me make you feel good. You’ve been alone for so long, you gotta be touch starved. Tell me what you need, sweetheart.” He says, standing up to walk towards you but stopping before he touches you.

You lick your lips, feeling wet because of his words. “Drop your towel.” You order softly. You’ve seen a naked man before, but you want to see this one, the one who will finally touch you like you’ve dreamed of. “I don’t know what I need, but I want you to touch me. Make me think of nothing but you.”

Joel doesn’t deny you. You deserve more than what he can give you but he can at least offer you his body. He drops the towel, his cock half hard as he stands before you and his dark eyes drop to your lips. “Can I kiss you?” He asks gently.

“Yes.” You whisper, eyes trailing up and down his body. He's not exactly hard, but he’s also not soft. Weathered, and experienced would be the words you would use to describe how he looks. Reaching out, you brush your fingers over his hot skin, resisting the urge to moan.

Joel closes his eyes briefly as you touch him with soft hands. He shuffles closer and reaches out to cup your cheek, leaning forward until he’s pressing his lips against yours. “Fuck.” He murmurs when you whimper into his mouth and he deepens the kiss, tilting your head so he can taste more of you.

This man, the same one who had threatened your life and tied you to a chair, completely consumes you. Taking control of the kiss and making you forget your hands are even on his chest as his tongue sweeps into your mouth and makes you moan.

He cups your other cheek, pressing close until his body is completely against yours. His tongue sliding against yours and you’re a little clumsy but so is he. It’s been a while since he kissed someone like this. His hands slide down from your cheeks until he is caressing your back and finally, his hands squeeze your ass.

Your eyes open and you hum into his mouth when his hands find your ass. Unable to believe that the simple squeeze feels so good. “Fuck.” You gasp when he pulls back to breathe.

You’re so reactionary already and that makes Joel harden, imagining the noises he can get out of you when he’s inside of you. He groans softly and kisses down your throat while you catch your breath, his hands kneading your flesh.

“Can I- can I touch you?” You ask, emboldened by his groan of permission. Your hands map hot skin, scars and you feel him shiver as they drift lower. Groaning yourself when your fingers wrap around his hard cock.

Joel’s breath hitches. It’s been so long since someone has touched him, since he allowed his mind to relax. “Baby.” He murmurs, his hands sliding up your back to the clasp of your bra. He undoes it and you let go of his cock so he can drag it off of your body. “Shit. Look at you.” He murmurs, tossing the bra down so he can cup your tits.

There’s something that is so raw about someone else’s hands on your body. The feeling is so different from your own. He throb when you squeeze him and it’s amazing how the book descriptions have it right. Velvet over steel. His cocks skin is so soft and warm, the hardness underneath such a contrast. “Can I-“ you pull away and start to sink down to your knees. “I want to-”

Joel swallows, his stomach twisting. “You don’t have to. This should be about you.” He says, “this is about making you feel good.” He shakes his head, “you don’t - this is - you don’t have to.” He repeats, not wanting to be selfish.

“I want to.” You confess, your cheeks hot with both desire and embarrassment. “If this is the only chance I have, I want to do it all.” You tell him, looking up and wrapping your fingers around his cock again.

Joel nods, unable to deny you when you ask him like that. He wants this to be all about you and even if what you want is to suck his cock. You kneel down before him and he swallows harshly as you look up at him with wide and innocent eyes.

He doesn’t rush you and you’re thankful for that. Obviously circumcised, the head of his cock is beautifully flushed and beading a clear liquid. “Tell me if I do it wrong.” You order before you lean forward and press the tip of your tongue to the slit.

Joel hisses, watching you as you close your eyes and take the head into your mouth. It’s more than he can take but he inhales deeply and calms down so he doesn’t ruin this for you. “Fuck baby.” He murmurs, opening his eyes to watch you.

You think that you’re doing it right from the way that Joel’s voice drops, hitting you in the pit of your stomach and you swear your cunt is dripping onto the floor. You hum, enjoying the clean taste and surprising saltiness of the pre-cum. Squeezing the base and keeping yourself from going too far and gagging.

Joel caresses your head, allowing you to take your time as you explore him. Your innocence is obvious but he likes it. You are doing this for yourself and he likes that you aren’t acting. Some girls used to make a show about sucking his cock and then complain they didn’t want to do it.

You appreciate that he will let you take your time. Slowly feeling what he likes, what makes him groan. You hollow your cheeks and push him a little deeper, until you feel your throat close and your eyes water as you look up at him.

“Jesus.” Joel hisses as you take him deeper. A tear slides down your cheek and he quickly wipes it away. “Baby. Don’t push yourself. Take your time. Feels so good.” He murmurs, wanting you to know that he’s enjoying this.

Your lips stretch around his cock in a smile and you swallow around him, enjoying the way he moans when you do. This is something that you had thought would just be for the experience, but you love it. Especially when his knees buckle slightly and his hand on your head flexes in pleasure.

“Baby. Let me - you need to- shit. I need - stop.” He chokes, not wanting to cum. It’s been way too long since he jerked off, unable to sneak off and leave Ellie alone even while she slept. He doesn’t want this to be over before he even gets to be inside of you.

“Are you sure?” You pout slightly, wiping your chin and looking up at him. You’re out of breath, your cunt aching and all you want is to see this man cum.

Joel nods, dragging you up and he surges down to meet you to press his lips to yours. Turning you, he walks you back towards the bed. He presses you down onto it, his lips trailing along your jaw as he straddles you.

You gasp and are taken by the dominance in the motion. This is a man who can be so damn sure of himself and capable. Your hands slide over his chest and around his sides to stroke his back as he nuzzles and kisses your pulse. “Joel.” You moan softly, as if he were an old lover.

He twitches at your moan, loving how his name sounds coming from your lips. He wants to hear more of it. He continues kissing down your body, his tongue sliding along your collarbone before he ducks down to take your nipple in his mouth after he cups your tit and tilts it up for him.

You had never imagined it would feel so good, your thighs pressing against his hips when he’s between them. Keeping you open as he circles your nipple with his tongue and scraps his teeth over it.

Joel takes his time, sucking and biting your nipple until it's puffy from his manipulations. He groans and switches to the other breast, his calloused hands squeezing both as he slowly grinds against you.

His cock is throbbing against your thigh, leaking and hot. Making. You whimper with pleasure as you imagine him inside you. There’s no fear, no hesitation. Not when he could be rough and quick and he’s taking the time to make you feel so good. “Joel.”

He groans as he releases your nipple, kissing down your sternum and he flicks his tongue into your belly button as he lays between your thighs. His dark eyes meet yours as he pushes them back to get a good look at your cunt. “Jesus. Such a pretty pussy.” He murmurs, his fingers sliding through your folds until he spreads them with his thumbs. Leaning in, his eyes focus on you as he flicks his tongue over your clit.

You gasp out a sound, half inhuman as you experience his tongue against your sex. Hot and wet, he’s not timid as he tastes you. This is a man who doesn’t mind getting dirty and diving into things, just like he’s proving with your cunt. Eyes wide, they are fixed on the man between your legs.

Joel groans as he laps at your cunt until he is pushing his tongue into you. Curling it and pushing your legs back so he can get deeper. Fuck, you taste amazing and he groans as you moan softly. He wants to make this good for you so he focuses on your clit, his hand sliding along your thigh until he's pushing a finger into you.

“Oh god.” You whine, your walls clenching down around his finger. “You- your fingers are thicker than mine.” Just one finger is stretching you out like you aren’t used to, or maybe it’s just because it’s not your finger but someone else’s. He presses deeper and you hiss in pleasure when he finds a spot deep inside you.

Joel loves the way you whine, glad he’s not hurting you, and he pumps his finger a few times before he adds another, wanting to stretch you out to take his cock. He’s girthy and he doesn’t want to hurt you in any way.

“Oh fuck.” You moan quietly. “Where have you been for the past twenty years?” You could have used him in your bed, to be your companion in this decidedly lonely life. “Fuck baby.”

“Survivin’” He answers honestly against your clit as he curls his fingers, scissoring them to stretch you out, and he loves the way you gush around his digits, getting closer to your orgasm. He wants you to cum like this for him.

“Yeah.” You nod and understand what he means. Closing your eyes and letting him push you towards an orgasm. The first one that you’ve ever experienced from someone else. “Joel.” You gasp, your thighs pressing against his broad shoulders and your hips push down. “Gonna- fuck, gonna cum!”

Joel grunts, loving the way you squirm beneath him and rock onto his fingers. He keeps the same pace until you are squealing, soaking his fingers with your orgasm and he’s so proud. He is glad you came so hard and he can tell you enjoyed it.

Your thighs are trembling and you’re breathing as hard as you did the night you had chopped down one of the big trees to let it cure. “Oh my god. Oh my god.” You can’t help but giggle a little, looking down at the man who is staring up at you with his chin on your inner hip. “That was….i have no words.”

Joel is pleased that you enjoyed it. He leans in to press his lips to your skin, kissing along your hip. You deserve some tenderness and he is happy to give it to you. He shifts to kiss up your body until he’s hovering above you. “You still want me inside of you?” He asks, wanting to make sure you still want him.

“All I want for Christmas is you.” You manage to tease breathlessly, reaching up and caressing his cheek. “Just- be gentle?” You ask, suddenly nervous about the thick cock that is throbbing against your belly. He feels like he could just cum against your skin right now if he rocked his hips a few times.

He chuckles softly, leaning in to kiss along your jaw. “You tell me if anything hurts and if you don’t like it.” He demands quietly, his dark eyes meeting yours and he caresses your thigh, lifting it up on his hip so he can reach down to grip his cock. “You ready?”

“Been waiting all my life, Joel.” You roll your hips down and moan when you feel his cock pressing against your cunt. “Better make it worth the wait.” It feels good to tease, to make it lighthearted. You know he won’t stay, so there’s no entanglements here.

He likes that you don’t want him to offer you sweet words and endearments when this isn’t that kind of experience. He wants it to be good for you. He positions himself at your entrance and slowly, so slowly, starts to push into you.

The feeling is so foreign, so overwhelming that your mouth drops open on a low moan. Fingers curling around his shoulders, nails biting into his skin lightly as your entire body quivers. “Fuuuuuuck.” You whine, hating that it’s taken so long to experience this.

Joel keeps his eyes focused on you, on your reactions. He doesn’t want to hurt you in any way. You shake beneath him and he slowly rocks into you, opening you up inch by inch on his cock. “You okay?” He rasps, trying to control himself. It’s been too long since he was inside of a woman and you’re unbelievably tight.

“Fucking amazing….” You moan, caressing his back and staring up at him in wonder. “It’s so, I’m so full.” You whimper, “move baby, I want to feel more.”

Joel isn’t even all the way in yet and you’re looking at him like he hung the moon. He pushes the final inch inside and your nails bite into his back. “Tell me if anything hurts.” He demands before he slowly starts to pull back, his eyes fixed on your face as he pulls out until only the tip remains before he’s pushing back into you.

“Jooooooelllllll.” You practically wail his name when his hips snap forward and he slides into you to the hilt with a delicious pressure that has your thighs tightening. “Oh god, it’s so- so good.”

Your reactions have him gritting his teeth to control himself. You’re so lost in the sensation and your cunt is gripping him, wet and hot. “That’s it baby. That’s it. Good girl.” He murmurs, caressing your side.

“Is it- does it feel good for you?” You want to know that he’s enjoying it too. This isn’t just about you. “Does it- oh god,” your eyes roll back when he thrusts into you again. “Fuck.”

“So good.” Joel promises gruffly, “you’re so - Jesus. I haven’t felt like this in so long.” He admits, knowing that while Tess was good, she didn’t make him want to blow his load within seconds of being inside of her. There was no emotional weight, just raw physical need. This is heavier and he feels it in the way he thrusts into you, wanting you to enjoy every second of this.

You moan softly, stroking his back and reaching up to run your fingers through his hair. “Fuck, I would be addicted to you.” You confess, your walls clenching down around him tight.

Hearing you say what he was thinking has him thrusting a little harder. He leans down to kiss you, sliding his tongue into your mouth to swallow your moan, wanting to absorb everything you give him.

It helps, his kiss. Your moans are getting loud and you don’t want to wake Ellie, even if you’re sure she’s dead to the world. Wanting to keep this moment for just you and Joel as he rocks into you again and again.

He wants you to cum more than once on his cock tonight. He slides his hand between you to find your clit, rubbing it as he pushes into you.

“Oh god. Oh fuck, Joel.” Your eyes widen when he starts to rub your clit. Immediately clenching down around him again. He is amazing.

Joel needs you to cum for him. He wants to hear it, feel it, see it. He rubs your clit a little faster and adjusts his hips, wanting you to cum for him.

“Ohhhhh, oh god!” You cry out, throwing your head back and moaning when you start to cum. Body shaking under Joel’s in pleasure.

Joel groans as he feels you start to cum. Pressing his lips to yours to smother your cries in case you wake Ellie, he works you through it. Continuing to rub your clit and make you shake beneath him.

You pant against his lips, grabbing his hand when it becomes too much and drag it up to your breast. Wanting him to feel all of you, to leave not part of you untouched.

He squeezes your tit, his lips pressing against your jaw and he takes a moment to slow down, let you ride your orgasm. He wants another one from you before he pulls out to cum. He groans, “you’re so fucking beautiful. Beautiful and just - shit. So good.” He praises you, unused to being a man of many words but you deserve this considering how long you’ve waited for this moment.

Now that you have cum, you pull your legs back, wrapping them around his waist. “Let me- let me ride you.” You beg, wanting to feel what it’s like to sit on a cock and ride it. “Please, can I- I just want to feel it.”

Joel swallows, wanting to give you whatever you desire tonight. You deserve it. All of it. He nods and pulls out of you, shifting to lay down against your pillows. “Take what you want, baby.”

Biting your lip, you throw your leg over his hip and straddle him. “It looks bigger like this.” You admit, smirking slightly as you wrap your hand around him. “It’s supposed to feel bigger too, right? Feel deeper?

Joel nods, “yeah. Yeah it is. So I’ve heard.” He says, his hands sliding up to caress your waist until he’s cupping your tits. He squeezes them, pinching your nipples as you pump his cock.

“Oh fuck.” You moan, rolling your head back as he toys with your tits. “I want to feel you.” You murmur, lifting your hips and positioning him at your entrance before you slowly start lowering onto his cock.

Joel’s eyes flick down to where his cock is disappearing inside of you and he groans at the sight. “Baby, fuck.” He hisses and his eyes meet yours when your mouth falls open at the way he stretches you out.

There’s something intoxicating and empowering about being on top. About the man under you taking what you want and letting you have control. You have no doubt he could overpower you, force you to submit to him, but he squeezes your hip and your breast in encouragement.

He watches you as you take what you want, what you need. It's an honor to watch you discover what you like as you start to move on top of him. He swallows harshly, knowing that he will need to tell you he needs to pull out but right now, he's happy to watch you and be still beneath you while you use his body.

He does feel bigger from this position. Making your eyes roll back when you are settled on him fully. “Fuck, it’s like you’re in my stomach.” You whine, loving the sensation. “I love this. Fuck, does it feel good for you?” You ask as you roll your hips slowly.

Joel inhales deeply, trying to control himself as your walls flutter around his cock. You feel like a goddamn vice, squeezing him, and you haven’t even cum in this position. “It’s - Christ, it’s fucking incredible.” He promises, his hands squeezing your hips before they slide around to squeeze your ass.

You moan in pleasure and start to roll your hips faster. Feeling incredible every time you sit back down on his cock and moan out his name softly.

“That’s it, baby. Take what you need.” He murmurs, watching you take your pleasure and his cock twitches inside of you. “You feel so good. So fucking good.” He rasps, his brow furrowed as he concentrates on you.

You feel powerful, invincible as you ride him. Bracing your hands on his chest as you bounce on his cock, the bed creaking and swaying under you. “Fuck, baby.” You whimper, throwing your head back. “This is amazing, you’re amazing.”

Joel groans as you bounce a little faster. “You’re - shit - I need you to cum for me.” His hand slides down to rub your clit. “Cum for me baby.” He orders, surging up to wrap his lips around your nipple.

His arm is trapped between you, fingers furiously rubbing your clit while his mouth deliciously assaults your nipple. Making you cry out again when that knot of pressure explodes and the hot rush of your orgasm washes through you. “Joel!”

He works you through it, your hips stuttering from their previous rhythm and he loves the way you cry out into his ear, soaking his cock with your orgasm. “Baby. I need- I gotta pull out.” He chokes against your breast as he withdraws his fingers from your clit.

“Okay, fuck- let me-“ you don’t want to pull off his cock, but you have to. Obviously there’s no birth control and you’ve never been on it. Sliding your hips back, you watch as Joel quickly takes his cock in his hand and gives hard, quick tugs to the stiff length.

He grunts, eyes fixed on you as he works himself to his orgasm. It only takes a half dozen thrusts until he is pulsing in his grip and spurts of hot seed hit his skin, some hitting yours and a low groan escaping his lips as the pleasure overtakes his system.

Leaning forward, you press your lips to his after watching the first ropes of cum splatter over his stomach. Moaning into his mouth as he pants into yours while he works himself through it, finding it the hottest thing you’ve ever seen in your life.

“Fuck.” He pants into your mouth, squeezing his cock as he milks himself dry and he slides his tongue against yours, slowly pumping himself until he works himself until it becomes too much. His free hand comes up to cup your cheek.

Catching your breath with the kiss, you smile when you can finally giggle. Feeling like you are flying from the endorphins and the pleasurable ache between your thighs. “Merry fucking Christmas.” You whisper. “Holy shit, thank you for that.”

Joel chuckles softly, kissing your chin when you lean back. “My pleasure, sweetheart. Jesus, I don’t think - yeah, I haven’t had sex like that since I was in my early twenties.” He confesses, “did you enjoy it?” He asks, wanting to make sure it was everything you wanted and more.

You flip your leg over his and collapse against his side. “I fucking loved it.” His cock is softening and it’s strange to see it lying against his stomach, cum pooling under the flaccid flesh. “Can I taste it?” You ask softly, wondering if he will think you are strange.

He nods, a little speechless. Most women never want to go near cum, let alone taste it without it being direct from the source. Tess wasn’t one to swallow, she always spat it out. You look entranced and that makes his cock twitch in interest.

You were going to swipe your fingers through the sticky mess on his stomach, but you decide against it. Instead, you lower your head and take the cum covered head of his cock into your mouth to clean it off with your tongue.

“Jesus Christ.” Joel hisses, overstimulated but fuck, you are gorgeous. He thinks you’re incredible. “Fuck, sweetheart.” He pants when you give him mercy and release his cock from your mouth. “What do you think?” He asks you breathlessly.

“I think that I want this again.” You look up and shoot him again. “When you can, of course.”

Joel chuckles, caressing your back. “Might be a while. I ain’t young. I ain’t - it takes a while.” He says with a blush, “and I want this to be perfect for you.” He says softly.

“It already is.” You promise with a smirk and roll over to grab your panties off the floor to wipe the rest of the cum off his stomach. “Right now, I want to sleep, if you want to stay?” You ask, not sure where he would want to sleep beside you just because he fucked you.

“I want to.” He promises you. Joel should go sleep on the couch but he doesn’t want to. He wants to curl around you and fall asleep. He reaches for you, pulling you close as you grab the duvet to pull it over you both.

The room is warm from the fireplace and the sex, making you sigh softly as you settle into his embrace. “Goodnight Joel.” You murmur quietly. “I hope you sleep well.”

Joel knows he will. He feels safe and secure for the first time in God knows how long. He wants to curl around you, breathe you in, and go to sleep. He kisses your forehead, “goodnight.” He murmurs and closes his eyes, pleased to be safe and sound. 

**** 

The storm wakes him up, the wind blustering past the window and he blinks a few times to remember where he is. His cock is hard again, morning wood from you curled around his body, and he remembers every detail about last night. God, you gave him all of you. You didn’t hold back and he’s honored that you let him touch you. He wants to touch you again. His hand caresses your back, gently shifting you onto your back, and he snakes down between your thighs. Spreading them, he groans at the sight of your pussy under the sheets and he leans in to slide his tongue through your folds.

You don’t want to wake up, warm and comfortable with the weight of someone beside you, but the most pleasure feeling from between your legs rips you out of your dreams. Waking up and gasping out Joel’s name when you realize he’s got his tongue pressed against your clit under the sheets, feasting on you while you slept. “Oh god.”

He loves the way your voice is rough with sleep as he wakes you with his tongue. Sliding it into you and his nose presses against your clit while his fingers push your thighs back so he can get even deeper

“Oh my god.” You moan again, eyes rolling back and your fingers twisting into the sheets. “Merry Christmas Eve to me.” You pant out jokingly. “I’ve gotten my present.”

He chuckles against your flesh, pulling back to flick his tongue over your clit until he sucks it back into his mouth. “Merry Christmas Eve.” He murmurs softly, his hand trailing along your thigh until he can push two fingers into you.

The room is still fairly dark, from the shutters and the storm outside, the room is slightly chilly so you know the fire has burned low, but you are in a magical place. Reaching under and running your fingers through his hair. “Joel, you’re so good to me.”

He curls his fingers, sucking your clit into his mouth and he desperately needs you to cum for him again. To hear it, to feel it. He’s addicted to you and he wants to make you feel amazing while you give him and Ellie shelter during the storm.

Your breathing comes in waves, the pleasure sometimes making you forget how as he presses against a spot inside you that makes your toes curl. “Joel.” You gasp out. “I- oh shit!” You squeal when the pleasure rockets through you and catches you by surprise. Soaking his fingers with your release.

He’s surprised by the way you soak his fingers and chin. Loving it honestly. He groans and works you through it, cock hard as he grinds into the sheets and moans your name as he pulls back to gently kiss your clit.

“Oh my god.” You whine. “Please tell me you are hard?” You ask, panting as you catch your breath. “Please, please be hard. I want you inside me again.

He grunts, “I’m hard. Have been since I woke up. Feel like a damn teenager.” He says, kissing up your body until he is pressing his lips to yours. His hard cock pressed against your thigh. “How do you want me, baby?” He asks softly, wanting you to continue to be in control.

“Just like this?” You know that it’s not emotional, but you can’t help but wrap your legs around his waist as your hands slide up his arms to curl around the back of his neck. “Slow? We have all day until Ellie wants food.” You joke. “It’s still early yet. She’s snoring.”

Joel nods, knowing the emotions between you are only because of your physical connection, of what you’ve given him. He swallows harshly and leans in to softly kiss you as he reaches between you to position his cock at your entrance, slowly pushing in.

You moan softly. Loving how gentle he is. You know that he’s tough, he could have hurt you, but he’s gone out of his way to make this amazing for you. “Joel.” You whimper into his mouth.

Your walls grip him and he hisses as your nails scratch down his back. “Sorry.” You mutter and he shakes his head, “no, I liked it.” He promises and pushes all the way in. He pulls back to look into your eyes as he starts to rock his hips, taking in every detail of your pleasured face.

Just like you asked him to, he takes his time. Staring down at you with a tenderness that almost makes you believe that this is real. This is your partner, maybe your husband, making love to you. “So good.” You whine softly. “I could spend the rest of my life right here.”

He knows you’re talking from a place of pleasure and not reality. He has to move on, to take Ellie west and find his brother. He rocks into you, caressing your side until he’s cupping your breast, squeezing it as he leans down to kiss along your neck.

It’s all you could want, this moment right here. You will be remembering it for a long time after this man is gone. You moan softly and tighten your thighs around him as he fucks you. Your walls clenching down around him.

Your walls grip him and he rocks slow and deep, wanting to hear and feel you fall apart beneath him again. “That’s it, baby. Christ, you feel good. So wet and tight around me.” He murmurs, loving the way you gasp when he lowers his pelvis so he can grind against your clit.

Biting your lip, you keep yourself from Asking him to stay. To settle here with you, him and his charge. You’re lonely, you can admit that. But you don’t say anything, just moaning when he works you back up to the edge.

He can tell you’re close. “Cum for me baby.” He demands, grinding lower and he pinches your nipple. “Cum for me. Cum.” He growls, needing you to fall apart for him again.

You shudder and can’t help but fall over the edge. Loving the roughness of the pitch and the desperation in his voice. Tilting your head back, you cry out softly as you shake under him in the most intense orgasm yet.

Joel pants as you cum around him, soaking him, and it’s an orgasm that seems to overtake your every sense. Your eyes close as you cry softly and he wishes he could commit that to memory. “That’s it, sweetheart. Shit. I- I gotta pull out. Got me worked up.” He confesses, reluctantly pulling his cock from inside of you. He reaches down to grip himself, pumping his length as he watches you recover.

“Cum in my mouth.” You immediately pant, reaching for him and pulling on his body as you beg. Wanting to see him cum as he fills your mouth is something you want to memorize.

Joel can’t deny you. He lets go of his cock and he shuffles up your body, straddling your chest. You lean forward to take his cock into your mouth and he groans. “Fuck. I- I’m not gonna last.” He confesses, “do you - fuck.” He chokes, pumping his cock as you suck on the tip.

Your eyes widen when the first rope of cum shoots into your mouth. Much harder than you had expected, it hits the back of your throat and forces you to start swallowing. Loving how his cock is pulsing, throbbing in your mouth as he spills, your hand gripping his hip to keep him close as you try to swallow every drop.

He closes his eyes as you take everything he gives you and he grunts your name, cock twitching inside of your mouth and his hand cups your cheek. “Fuckkkk.” He exhales shakily, one last slow thrust into your mouth until he pulls out of you.

Some of him has spill out of the corners of your mouth, making you lick your lips when he pulls out. “That was amazing.” You sigh, caressing his thigh as he hovers over you. “Thank you for the experience. And the wake up.”

Joel shifts off of you, reaching for you to curl you into his side. He cups your cheek and leans down to press his lips to yours. Not caring about the lingering taste of his cum. He doesn’t care about that. He kisses you firmly until he pulls back to nudge his nose against yours, “thank you for - well, I didn’t expect this when I saw smoke coming from your cabin.”

“I didn’t expect to have people come.” You admit easily, “but I’ve enjoyed having you both here. And while the storm blows, we will be nice and cozy here. And when you decide to leave, I’ll pack you up some supplies.” You offer softly.

Joel nods, unable to say anything else as you curl around him. He relaxes into the pillows, wanting to savor this time where he doesn’t have to fight for survival, to fight for his and Ellie’s lives. He kisses your forehead and closes his eyes, allowing himself to imagine a life spent here with you in safety.

Your eyes pop open when you hear the other bedroom door open. Joel is still asleep beside you and slowly, you ease out of the bed. Dressing quickly, you slip out of the room and out to find Ellie looking around. “Where’s Joel?” She demands, knowing the bar is still on the door and his gun is still here. 

“He’s asleep.” You look back towards the bedroom. “Why don’t we build up the fire and I’ll start breakfast?”

Ellie nods, confused that Joel is still asleep. He never sleeps this much. He must be exhausted from all the late nights. You walk over to the fire and Ellie follows, "so...Joel slept in your room?" She asks teasingly.

“He did.” You aren’t embarrassed, but you don’t offer anything else. You aren’t sure if Joel would want her to know his business. Bending down. You stir the coals to life and quickly add more wood.

Ellie nods, “good. He needs to relax.” She isn’t sure what you guys did but she’s glad Joel isn’t fighting for survival right now. “It’s Christmas Eve!I” She remembers, “we can have hot chocolate, right?” She asks, excited for the holiday she’s never celebrated.

“We can.” You nod and smile at her eagerness. “And tomorrow, you will get some Christmas presents.” It might just be some old clothes you have and some socks that you had knitted, but you would be able to give her something.

Ellie’s eyes widen, “presents?” She asks and you nod. “I- wow.” She surges forward to hug you, “thank you. This is - this is the best fucking place ever.”

“You’re welcome.” You laugh softly and hug her back. “Don’t be too excited, it’s not a Nintendo or one of those gaming systems that were all the rage the last time Christmas was popular, but it’s given in the spirit of making you happy.”

“Nintendo?” Ellie asks and she snaps her fingers. “I used to - me and my friend-” Her eyes get dark with a loss that you know too well. “I- I lost my friend. We used to play arcade games in this abandoned mall until she was-” Ellie trails off.

“I’m sorry.” You tell her quietly. Everyone has lost someone during this time, but it’s obvious that this friend had been dear to Ellie. “Hopefully one day you can find a place to play again, smiling when you think about her.”

Ellie nods, appreciating how you don’t treat her like a little kid and you actually tell her how you think without censoring stuff. She appreciates you treating her like she should be. Joel tries to censor stuff but he can only do so much in this new world. “So…what’s for breakfast?” She asks.

“Well, I still have some eggs from the chickens, so I had thought we would have eggs and wildberry oat cakes.” You grin. “Like pancakes, but I ground up the oats for the flour.”

Ellie grins, “fuck yes.” She makes a fist and you giggle at her enthusiasm for something so simple. “I can help. I’m sure Joel will be up soon.” She offers and you nod. 

Joel groans as he wakes up, his body stiffening as he tries to remember where he is until it hits him. He’s safe. It’s Christmas Eve. He swallows harshly and rubs his forehead as he sits up and reaches for the pajama pants you gave him that belonged to your father.

In the kitchen, the stove is hot, and you’re showing Ellie how you had ground up the oats using an old hand crank coffee grinder. Putting her to work with a grin as she talks to you.

Joel comes into the kitchen, finding you and Ellie cooking. “Something smells good.” He murmurs and walks over to you, he leans in to press a soft kiss to your neck.

Ellie puffs out a laugh and quickly turns her head. “I didn’t see nothin’ man.” She insists before showing Joel the oak cakes she had made, flavored with the dried wild berries you had picked this summer.

Joel appreciates the fact that she doesn’t call him out and he admires the oat cakes with a hum. “You did a good job, kid.” He praises her, suddenly able to let himself feel like the man he was before shit hit the fan. His shoulders aren’t tense, he doesn’t feel like he’s going to die every moment of the day. He ruffles her hair and she growls, making him chuckle.

You see that he’s relaxed and you smile, happy that you can provide that for this duo. To be a safe haven in the literal storm. “I thought that we would eat breakfast and then I will go into the cellar and bring up the small ham.” You offer Joel with a shrug. “I had planned on a small ham steak when it was just me, but it would be nice to have a proper Christmas dinner tomorrow?”

Joel bites his lip, “I don’t want you to waste all your food, sweetheart. You gotta survive the winter and I don’t- we don’t need to eat much. I’m already fuller than I’ve been in months.” He confesses, “don’t waste your resources.” He orders softly, not wanting to be the reason you go without.

“Joel….” You shake your head. “I have plenty of food.” You promise. “Although, I will need to get out to the barn at some point. Check on the animals.”

Joel nods, “I can do that. You stay in the warmth. I can see if there’s anything to hunt as well.” He adds, wanting to do his part. “I- I haven’t celebrated Christmas in many years and I- I do want this one to be special.” He admits and reaches up to cup your cheek.

“It will be special.” You agree, melting slightly at how kind he is being. “We will make sure of it. But you need to eat before going out in the cold.”

Ellie has never seen Joel like this before. He’s gentle. Something she hasn’t really witnessed. She’s seen the worst of Joel. The terrifying moments that he saved her life by doing what needed to be done. She’s never seen him caress someone. She focuses on the oat cakes as she turns away from the intimate moment, wanting to give Joel the time to enjoy this before he hardens up into the survivor he is

Breakfast is finished and it’s strange sitting down with other people, often it’s you and one of the books you are rereading. But it’s festive. You and Joel start talking about old Christmas traditions and Ellie is intrigued by the idea of ugly sweater contests.

Joel chuckles at her reaction, “yeah. Sarah used to make me and my brother Tommy wear the ugliest sweaters she could find.” His chuckles die down after a second, reminded of Sarah, and he frowns at how his heart aches but he’s happy to have the memories. “Another one was, uh, mistletoe.” He says, trying to distract from his reaction.

“Yeah.” You snort and grin. “Mistletoe actually grows wild around here.” You admit. Ellie has a confused look on her face. “If you were with a partner or a friend under the mistletoe, you had to kiss.” You explain with a small shrug.

Ellie smirks, "you should get some mistletoe. You know....so you guys have an excuse to kiss." She giggles and Joel clears his throat, raising his eyebrows at you. It's not the worst idea he has ever heard.

You shake your head, remembering how meddling teenagers can be. “I think that we will make the candy this morning.” You decide, eyeing Ellie. “How does that sound? Have the hot chocolate once Joel is back inside and everything is cozy again?”

Ellie nods enthusiastically, “hell yes.” She is so excited. She hasn’t experienced anything like this before. Joel smiles, pleased that she is happy. He remembers how much Sarah loved Christmas. “I’ll, uh, go get ready and I’ll go check on the animals.”

“Northwest corner, two hundred yards from the front door.” You’re sure that he had seen the barn, but just in case, you tell him. “I’ll bring in some more wood.”

Joel nods, standing up to go get dressed. You left some of your father’s clothes on the chair for him. If he thought it would be strange wearing a dead man’s clothes when the outbreak first happened, he’s immune to it now. Knowing that no one is making new clothes. At least not in the wilderness. He gets dressed and puts on his coat and boots, ready to face the storm for you.

You show Ellie how to clean up and start to bundle up as well. “Don’t stay out there too long.” You beg Joel as he grabs his rifle. “We don’t need meat too bad for you to risk yourself.”

Joel nods, knowing that he’s taken a lot of risks in life. He won’t linger out in the cold. He has to think of Ellie, of getting her where she needs to go. He winces as the storm blows in his face as he makes his way outside.

“I wish he wouldn’t try to hunt.” You murmur to Ellie as you wrap a scarf around your neck. “There’s plenty of food in the cellar.”

Joel squints through the blizzard as he makes his way into the barn, the animals all huddled together and Joel exhales, the cold air puffing as he checks on the animals, refreshes the water and hay, and makes his way back outside to see if he can find a lone deer or something.

With Ellie opening and closing the door for you, you manage to bring in another good few hauls of wood inside. Wanting to make sure that you stay nice and cozy over the next day or so. With Joel checking the animals, they should be set for a couple of days. You had meant to check them before the storm hit, but Joel and Ellie’s unexpected arrival had thrown that off. You had known the animals had plenty of food and water, but now you know they will be set for a few days.

Joel shivers as he picks up the two rabbits he managed to shoot and he makes his way back to your cabin. He knocks on the door and you unlock it. He shakes off the snow from his jacket as he enters the cabin, wiping off his boots and you take the rabbits so he can take them off along with his jacket.

“Go sit by the fire.” You huff, seeing how chapped his cheeks are and you rush over to the stove. You boiled together an herb tea, thinking it would be good for warming up the bones after coming back and you pour him a cup. “It’s herbs, but it’s tasty and hot.” You tell him, handing him the steaming mug. “I have some Vaseline for your cheeks.”

Joel huffs at you fussing over him but he secretly likes it. He rolls his eyes as he rubs his hands over the fire, feeling Ellie watching him with a smirk on her face. “We are gonna make candy today.” She tells him and he nods, trying to remember the last time he had candy.

You stoke the fire and pull out the large black cauldron to boil the sap. “So I have some syrup from my trees that we will boil down into a sticky candy.” You explain as you swing the hook around and set it up. “Then we pour it over clean snow.”

“Jesus. You have it all figured out, don’t cha sweetheart?” Joel says with awe in his voice. He’s never seen someone so capable except Bill. Only Bill never made goddamn candy. “Does it taste good?” He asks you.

“It’s amazing.” You shrug slightly, preening slightly at his praise. “We’ve been doing sugar boils for a long time. If you cook it down, you have sugar for the year.”

Joel hums, impressed at your ingenuity and your survival skills. “Sugar? For a year? Damn. I might never leave.” Ellie jokes and Joel meets your eyes, a hopeful sadness to them that makes his heart clench.

“You would be welcomed back anytime you’re traveling through the area.” You promise, although you know that you would probably never see them again when they leave. It’s just the way the world works now. “It takes a lot of sap, but there’s a lot of trees. I hang the buckets when the sap runs and gather it up once a day.”

Joel is impressed, certain that he’s never met a woman like you. Most women are strong in this new world but you seem to be thriving. Joel warms his hands and Ellie announces she’s gonna wash her hands before she helps you. Joel looks up as you walk over to him, displaying a piece of mistletoe in your hand. He stares at it for a second before he smiles, reaching for you. He cups your cheek and leans in to kiss you softly.

Leaning into the kiss, there’s something soft and sweet about this. You needed this. A reminder that you aren’t alone in the world and that there is good. Things to live for.

Joel knows he should be distancing himself from you but it’s hard. He pecks your lips when he hears the bathroom door open and he steps back just as Ellie enters the room. “Let’s make some candy!” She declares, rubbing her hands together.

Laughing at her enthusiasm, you show her how you are going to do it, bringing up a bucket of the sap from the cellar and pouring it into the cast iron cauldron. Soon, it’s bubbling over the fire and the entire house smells like syrup.

Joel watches you and Ellie work, making himself useful by gutting the rabbits for dinner. This feels too easy. Too domestic. It scares him a little.

It takes a long time, but Ellie is giggling as you talk about growing up here and thinking all the traditions and old ways were ridiculous when you were learning them. “Yeah, but now you have sugar.” She reminds you, making you grin. “True. And now, I’ve taught you some of the things that should never die out. Like the Christmas songs.”

Ellie grins, “so fucking cool. I wish I could’ve seen it. Before the world went to shit. How cool it must’ve been with the lights and the trees and - and the presents!” She exclaims and Joel sighs softly under his breath, wishing he could give her that dream but he can’t.

“It was really cool.” You admit. “There are times I wished that we had some sort of natural power. To run the lights.”

Ellie nods, “me too. Back in Boston, we had solar and some other sources but it wasn’t enough for a ton of lights.” She confesses, not really knowing much about how the QZ operated. Joel watches you interact with Ellie and he smiles, enjoying the way you seem to connect with her more than he has managed in months. He’s excited to spend Christmas with you and the kid. “You finish that candy yet?” He asks about an hour later.

“Almost.” You roll your eyes playfully at Ellie. About five minutes before, you had gathered clean snow in pans and you had shown her how to drizzle the thick, liquid candy into the snow and she had gone to town. “Come taste.”

Ellie grabs herself a piece, groaning at the taste, and Joel can't resist. He comes over after washing his hands and you pop a piece of candy into his mouth. He groans as the sugar hits his tongue. "Fuck, that - that's damn good." He murmurs, closing his eyes.

“Glad you enjoy.” You smile as it looks like Joel is having a religious experience. “I was thinking that some of the syrup might be used to bake the ham?” You ask, unsure of what they might think of the idea.

He nods, swallowing the candy, and finally opening his eyes. "Yes. Yes. That - Jesus, that's damn good." He confesses, licking his lips. Ellie turns her back to you both and he leans in to kiss you softly, letting you taste it from his lips.

Your eyes flutter closed and you wish that you could sink into the kiss but the kid is right here. You pull back reluctantly and smile.

The kiss is quick and Joel offers you a smirk as Ellie turns back just as he straightens up and he smiles at you softly, "let's get ready for Christmas." Joel says and Ellie grins, "fuck yes."

The day seems to go perfectly. You have decorations that you pull out and Ellie gets to squeal over. Soon the living room is filled with garland and bows, the small tree you had brought in just because you love the pine scent haphazardly decorated with the old ornaments. Adding to the decorations that you had up before they arrived. You sneak into the rooms and pull out items that both Joel and Ellie can use when they leave, a nice hunting knife that was your brothers for Ellie, thick socks and a heavy lined leather jacket for Joel, along with other things. You wrap them in scapes of flannel and bring out a stack of them to put under the tree.

Joel comes out of the bathroom to find Ellie shrieking over the tree. His eyes widen, "wow. I- shit. This is - presents?" He frowns, confused about what you managed to find to wrap up. He feels bad he didn't get you anything but he might have an idea of what to get you.

You smile at the unbridled joy on the teens face and shrug. “Just popped down to the store.” You joke. “Last minute Christmas deals are fantastic.” You had managed to find a pocket watch of your grandfather’s that was solar powered. You plan on giving it to Joel and telling him to charge it when he leaves since his wrist watch is broken.

Joel chuckles, coming over to you and he wraps his arm around your waist. “Thank you for making this so special for her.” He says, kissing your cheek. He allows himself to be tender, to shed the hard shell he hides in when he’s out there trying to survive.

“She’s a good kid.” You acknowledge, leaning into him. “I’m honestly happy that the two of you were here.” You bite your lip. “I was wondering what was the point of living out here by myself.”

Joel frowns, not liking the sound of that. He knows what it's like to be alone. "Then maybe...maybe you'll meet someone who will stay here with you. You gotta keep fighting. You gotta keep living. Otherwise all of this would've been for nothing." He says softly, his dark eyes burning into yours.

“Maybe.” You smile, the motion slightly bittersweet and shrug. “It’s not exactly a major metropolitan area. But maybe lightning will strike twice. You came when I needed something other than my own voice.”

Joel nods, letting go of you. He knows you want him to stay. If he’s honest, he wouldn’t mind staying, but he can’t. He has to find Tommy. He has to get Ellie where she needs to go. “You’ll be okay. You’re too good to not be.” He says softly as Ellie marvels over the tree. “Who wants to start preparing dinner?” You ask and Ellie nods, happy to help.

Dinner isn’t the ham, you are saving that for tomorrow, but the rabbit casserole you had decided on would go over well. You show Ellie what you are doing and how you make it and in no time, you’re sliding the dish into the oven.

Joel feels relaxed and he notices the guitar in the corner of the room. “Do you play?” He asks, trying to remember the last time he played the guitar.

“I do.” You smile at the guitar. “My father taught me a long time ago. After the world ended, it was the way we entertained ourselves during the evenings.”

“You play? I’ve always wanted to learn.” Ellie declares, eyes wide as she walks over to the guitar. “I used to play. Back in the day. I- I didn’t - haven’t played in years.” Joel confesses, “maybe we can teach you some chords?” He offers Ellie, wanting to give her something since you wrapped up some presents.

Joel nods, “I’m sure we can arrange that.” He promises and Ellie beams. 

“Great! That - fuck yes.” She says and Joel doesn’t reprimand her like he normally does. It’s Christmas Eve. 

“Come on, kid. Let’s help with the dinner.”

Ellie sets the table and Joel pours out the herbal tea you had made. “There’s a bottle of wine in the cellar.” You offer, shrugging slightly. It’s your last bottle but it’s a good excuse to open it as any. “It’s Christmas Eve.”

Joel won’t deny you if you want a drink. Hell, Bill and Frank went through most of their wine during their years together. He wouldn’t mind a glass. “Can I have a glass?” Ellie asks and Joel shakes his head, “no. You’re too young.”

You tilt your head and bite your lip, knowing it’s not your place to interfere, but you do anyway. “I don’t think a glass would hurt.” You offer. “My father let me have a small glass of wine on special occasions starting at ten years old.”

“Pleaseeee.” Ellie asks, “I used to drink vodka. Sneak it back in the QZ.” 

Joel sighs, knowing the world has gone to shit and so have social standards. He nods, “one glass.” Ellie hisses in victory and Joel snorts, “one glass.” He repeats, knowing he has to limit himself too just in case something happens. You have to always be prepared.

You hide your smirk of triumph as you get down the wine glasses. “Joel, will you go down to the cellar? The wine rack is on the left.”

Joel nods, making his way downstairs to the cellar and he sees the stored food you have there. It’s impressive. It’s clear you’ve prepared a lot and he is proud of you. You’re not his. He’s not yours, but he’s proud of the strong, capable woman you are. He grabs the wine, blowing off the dust and he carries it up the stairs.

You are pulling the casserole out of the oven when Joel comes upstairs. “Perfect timing.” You smile softly, wishing you could have this every day. “Ellie, throw another log on the fire, will you?” You ask the girl.

Ellie nods, stoking the fire, and Joel takes the wine opener, remembering how to open a bottle of wine. He pulls out the cork and grabs the glasses, pouring three glasses just as you serve up the casserole.

“Soon, the snow will bury the cabin and insulate it even more.” You muse, the wind still rattling the shutters as the snow falls. “But we are nice and cozy here. The living room looks so festive thanks to Ellie’s decorating.”

Joel hands you a glass before he hands one to Ellie, teasing her by pulling it back for a moment before letting her have it. He takes his own glass in hand and clinks it with yours and Ellie. “Merry Christmas.” He declares, reminded of when he and Tommy would cheers with beers on Christmas Eve.

“Merry Christmas.” You hum and Ellie beams. “Merry Christmas!” She all but shouts it out, making you laugh. 

“Let’s sit down and eat while it’s hot, shall we?” You ask and the teenager practically bolts for the table.

Joel chuckles and takes a seat. It’s strange to enjoy this time. To not feel like he constantly has a target on his back. He sips the wine after he sits down and groans softly at the smell of the casserole. “God, you could’ve opened a restaurant back in the day.” He compliments you.

“Thank you.” You fluster at the compliment and bite your lip. “I am sure that anything tastes good when food can be scarce.” You know you’re lucky, you had a family who worked hard and prepared so you can reap the benefits of it for years to come. “Merry Christmas, Ellie, Joel.”

Ellie holds her glass up, feeling so fucking cool as she clinks her glass with yours and says “Merry Christmas.” 

Joel smiles, clinking his glass and when his eyes meet yours, he can’t help but stare for a long moment. Taking in this rare minute of peace and happiness in his otherwise turbulent world. He feels safe and secure. A rarity. And all because of you. “Merry Christmas, sweetheart.” He murmurs, winking at you.

You fluster again, feeling your cheeks heating up and you smile. It’s been such a whirlwind and you have enjoyed having them. “May your next Christmas be just as cozy.”

Joel doubts it, unable to confirm if he’s even going to be alive for the next Christmas but he murmurs a “thanks” and takes another sip of the wine. You grin and he continues eating his dinner with a groan at how good the food is after so long without consistent meals.

The meal is finished, devoured by both Joel and Ellie taking seconds and in the younger girl’s case, thirds. You smile at Ellie after she clears the table and notice that her cheeks are flushed. “How did you like wine?” You hadn’t missed her slipping some more wine from the bottle.

“It was…okay.” She admits, “kinda burned.” 

Joel snorts, “that’s what it’s supposed to you. You get used to it. Then it tastes good.” He promises and ruffles her hair. “I think it’s time for you to go to bed. Sleep off the wine.” Joel tells the teenager.

You laugh when Ellie yawns and wish her a good night. “Presents in the morning!” She cheers and quickly shuffles off to the room that is hers for now. “I’ll clean up and then we can sleep if you want.” You offer.

Joel waits until Ellie’s door is shut and he shakes his head, setting down the plate you have in your hand on the counter, before he reaches for you to drag you against his body. His nose nudges your chin, dragging along your jaw until he whispers in your ear, “I don’t want to sleep.”

Shivering, you lean into his touch. “What do you want to do?” You whisper, almost afraid that you are reading the situation wrong.

Joel smiles against your skin, “everything. Want to touch you again. Hear you moan my name.” He murmurs, his hands sliding up until he is cupping your tits. “Want to feel you.” He whispers harshly, his mouth going dry at the idea of sliding into you again.

You moan softly and nod. “I want that too.” You agree, pressing up against him shamelessly. It’s thrilling that he wants you, even if it’s just because of convenience. Even if he just wanted you because of that, he wants you.

His hands squeeze your breasts as he kisses along your neck. “You’re so beautiful, darlin’. Wanna make you moan my name again.” He murmurs, sliding his hands back down to grip your waist and he turns you so he can softly kiss you.

The kisses you’ve shared have become familiar, your own hand sliding up into his hair as you kiss him back. Falling into his arms easily as he presses you into the counter.

His tongue slides into your mouth and he groans at the warmth of your body. He loves it. He groans into your mouth and his hands caress your body. “Bedroom.” He murmurs, wanting to see all of you.

Joel is one step behind you as you eagerly disappear into the bedroom. You’ll have to come back out, but for right now, you want nothing more than this man for Christmas.

He shuffles you into the bedroom, gently kicking the door shut behind him, and his hands grab the hem of your shirt, eager to pull it over your head. “Fuck baby. You’re so goddamn gorgeous.” He murmurs before surging down to kiss along your chest, kissing every inch of skin he can access until he bites down on your nipple through your bra.

“Joel.” You moan softly, eyes flitting closed and you are eager for him to touch you again. The fact that he is eager makes you drip with arousal. “Touch me again.” You beg softly. “Make me- I want you to fuck me.”

Joel groans as you beg him and how can he resist? He reaches behind you to unclasp your bra and drags it down your body, exposing your breasts which he eagerly attacks with his mouth, wrapping his lips around your nipple to suck and bite on it while his other hand squeezes your other breast.

His touch is burned into your skin. You will feel it for the rest of your life. Moaning, you reach down to unbutton your pants, eager to strip down and have him inside you again.

He chuckles into your flesh at the way you shove your pants down your legs and he helps you. When you’re naked, he guides you back towards the bed and pushes you down onto it. “Tell me what you want, baby.” He murmurs, his voice quiet but demanding.

You look up at him and bite your lip. “Strip for me.” You demand, wanting to see this rough, virile man take his clothes off for you. “I want to see all of you. And then I want you to make me cum.”

He can’t deny you. He shifts off of you and works on the buttons of the shirt you gave him. He slowly unbuttons it and exposes his chest. His dark eyes focus on you as he works on the belt before he unbuttons his jeans, shoving them down alongside with his briefs to expose his half hard cock.

“I want to suck your cock again before you leave.” Your cunt throbs and you have to press your thighs together. “It made me so wet.” You admit. “Want to see if it will happen again. Maybe you could cum in my mouth again?”

Joel groans, “baby. You- you don’t have to. I want to taste you again. Maybe…you wanna sit on my face and suck my cock?” He asks, always wanting to give you the choice.

You clench around nothing, turned on by the idea and you nod quickly. “Please.” You beg. “I - is it bad that I want to suck your cock? I love the way you moan.”

He s hakes his head,“not bad. Most women…they don’t like sucking cock.” He confesses. He shifts to lay down on the bed beside you. His cock hardens at the idea of you sitting on his face and he pats his cheek, “take a seat, sweetheart.”

You giggle slightly and bite your lip, wondering how to best do this. Joel takes your thigh and starts to guide you over him. “This is- really intimate.” You huff, feeling a little exposed with your holes on display to him.

He smiles, “it is but I’ll take care of you.” He promises and you hover over his face. He groans at your wet folds and he grabs your ass, pulling you down onto him with a moan of your name that’s soon smothered when his tongue slides through your folds.

Like last night and this morning, Joel’s tongue is magical, making you forget all about everything but the pleasure of him between your thighs. Until his cock twitches in front of your face because of your moans. Wrapping your fingers around his thick girth, you lean down and take the head into your mouth eagerly.

“Jesus.” He hisses into your pussy, his tongue going lazy from his swipes as you take him into your mouth. “Fuck.” He mutters into your folds and he hisses when you moan around him. Reignited, he goes hard on making you moan again, sucking your clit into his mouth.

It becomes a competition, seeing who can make the other moan louder, to stop pleasuring the other because the intensity is too much. You pump the base of his cock and take him deep into your mouth.

Joel groans into your flesh as you take him deeper, swallowing around him. He sucks on your clit, desperately trying to make you cum on his face.

You can't help but moan around his cock, grinding your hips back shamelessly onto his face. You had gotten over your embarrassment really quickly when you learned how much he liked this. It makes you take him deeper, swallowing around him as he spurs you on.

Joel groans into your cunt as you rock back onto him, helping him get you closer to cumming on his face. He pants as you work his cock a little harder, spit gathering in the coarse hair at the base of his length, and he grabs your hips, working you a little faster on top of him.

It's becoming a frenzy. Both of you are trying so hard to make the other break but Joel has the advantage of experience on his side. His grip shifts and he presses his thumb against your other hole, making you choke around his cock and the next flick of his tongue sends you flying.

Joel loves how you cry out, unable to care if you wake Ellie up as you moan so sweetly for him. He works you through it, his thumb pressed against your puckered hole until it slightly dips in to stretch you and he continues flicking your clit until you cry out in protest.

You rock your hips forward, pulling away from his still working mouth to make him chuckle. Taking his cock back in your mouth in an almost desperate attempt to make him feel just as overwhelmed although you know he will probably not want to finish in your mouth right now.

Joel pulls back, “wanna- wanna make you cum on my cock.” He pants, “please baby. Hands and knees.” He orders, wanting to do something different for you to experience everything while he’s here.

Moaning, you scramble off of him, eager to try the position you had always wanted to feel. You had been too nervous to ask if he would fuck you that way, but now you get what you want without ever even asking. “Fuck me.” You beg, looking over your shoulder as he shuffles to his knees.

​​Joel groans, leaning in to press his body against yours, his cock sliding along the crack of your ass. “Fuck baby. You’re - shit - you’re so pretty.” He murmurs, caressing your back before he grips his cock and positions himself at your entrance, slowly pushing into you.

Honestly, this position is more intense for you. He feels bigger than he had when you were riding him. Your back bows slightly and you push back to let him grind into him even more. "You're pretty." You gasp out, closing your eyes. You're sure that he's just saying that because he's inside you but you are a sure thing. He can fuck you as often as he wants while he's here. "More baby, please."

He can’t fucking deny you anything when your pussy is choking him like a goddamn vice. He pants and caresses your ass before smacking it. “You want more?” He asks and your pathetic whine makes him chuckle. He goes harder, his hips hitting your ass, and he eagerly watches the flesh jiggle.

All you can do is hold on, your fingers twisting in the sheets under you. After a particularly rough thrust, your elbows give out and you collapse down onto your face, right as you moan out his name. "Jooooooeeeellllllllll."

He groans, “that’s it baby. God, feel so fuckin’ tight around my cock.” He hisses, thrusting deep and hard. He shifts to plant his foot on the bed, jaw clenched as he works to push you into an orgasm. He wants to hear it again.

Rocking into you harshly, you grunt and moan while he fucks you. Clenching down around him every time he pushes deep, you love the way he twitches inside you. “Joel, fuck, yes.”

He groans as you clench around him. He reaches down to rub your clit, “cum for me. Cum for me baby.” He leans over you, kissing along your neck.

His chest is at your back and you moan. The expert touch of his fingers quickly has your body bucking under his. Starting to cum just like he ordered you to.

Joel groans when you clamp around his cock. He pants into your ear, kissing along your neck, and he rubs your clit a little faster to work you through it. “That’s it, baby.” He coos, rocking into you.

You pant against the sheet and moan. Wishing that he would fill you up just once so you could experience it. “Cum for me.” You whimper, closing your eyes in bliss.

He pants, so close to orgasm, and he hisses as he rocks into you. Over and over again. “Fuck. I- shit. Shit. Shit.” He manages to pull out just as he cums over your ass and back, hot seed hitting your skin.

You whine at the loss of his cock inside you, humming as you listen to him gasp for breath. “Fuck.” Your grin is tired and satisfied as you slowly straighten out on the bed. You know you will have to let him clean you up, or go to the bathroom to clean, but you don’t want to move right now.

Joel is uncaring as he looms over you and kisses along your neck. “So good, baby.” He murmurs, caressing your side until he’s shuffling off of the bed to head into the bathroom to clean you up.

Listening to someone move around the house is a luxury that you savor. Closing your eyes again with a smile on your face. Almost ready to beg him to stay and help you stave off the loneliness but you know he can’t.

Joel comes back in with a wet rag to clean you. He caresses your skin after you’re clean and leans down to kiss you softly. “Get into bed, sweetheart. It’ll be Christmas morning before you even know it.” He promises, tossing the rag in the sink after cleaning himself up and he pulls the covers back for you to get under them.

You climb into bed and into his arms. Enjoying the strength and steadiness of his heart beating in his chest. “Good night, Joel.” You murmur, holding back a yawn and suddenly ready to sleep.

Joel wraps around you after he blows out the candle on the nightstand. He smiles and kisses you softly until he falls asleep, a rare look of complete peace on his face. He winces when the sunlight streams through the slats of the shutters hours later and realizes it’s Christmas Day. He smiles softly and kisses your face, waiting until you whimper awake and he whispers, “Merry Christmas, baby.”

“Merry Christmas.” You groan softly, waking up and snuggling into his hold and sighing contentedly. You feel warm, safe and not alone, something that you had been wishing for a long time. It’s the best gift that you could have been given and you tilt your head up to kiss his chin. “Best Christmas ever.” You hum, kissing down along his throat gently, enjoying the sleep-warm scent of him. Memorizing it for when your bed is colder without him. “We should get up and get ready for an excited teenager.” 

Joel groans softly, playfully, wrapping his arm around your waist. “Or we could just stay here all day.” He suggests just seconds before he kisses you softly. “She would kick the door down. She’s so excited.” He chuckles against your lips.

You sigh softly and smile. “We will have a good day. Pretend the world is normal outside.” You tell him. “Be cozy in this little bubble for awhile.”

Joel smiles, kissing your head, and he shifts to get out of the bed, grabbing his pajama pants, and he looks over at you, winking. “I’ll go make some coffee.” He offers as he grabs his shirt and slips out of your room into the kitchen.

You lay there for a moment before you get up and start dressing. Listening to the sounds of Joel opening the wood box in the stove and stirring the coals. The thunk of more wood being added. It’s completely domestic and you love it more than you should.

Ellie comes out once you’re dressed, eyes wide at the presents under the tree. “We got presents?” She exclaims and you nod, “yeah. Santa came.” You tease and she grins, rushing over to you and she wraps her arms around you. “You’re the fucking best.”

You grin as you hug her back. “You’re welcome. I hope that you like what I picked out for you.” The smell of coffee soon fills the air and you look towards the kitchen. “How about we have breakfast first and then presents?” You suggest.

Ellie pouts a little and Joel nods, reminded of Sarah when she used to be so eager to open gifts on Christmas morning. “Breakfast first.” He says sternly and Ellie nods, knowing it’s best to not argue with her father figure.

You decided to make breakfast quick since Ellie was so excited, so it’s done almost as soon as the coffee and you grin as you set it on the table. “We will have presents opened in no time.” You promise her with a wink. 

Ellie tries not to pout as she agrees while Joel pours you out a coffee. You wink at him and he leans in to kiss you softly, “merry Christmas baby.” He murmurs and Ellie smirks, “Joel. Never knew you were a softie.”

Joel rolls his eyes and huffs but you just grin at how cheeky she is. Bolting down her breakfast as quickly as she can in her eagerness to get the day moving along so she can open her presents. Taking a sip of your coffee, you start your own breakfast when Joel sits down. It sounds like the storm has died down outside and the cabin is nice and warm. It’s a good day.

Youk grin as Ellie practically vibrates as she looks at the presents under the tree. “Go on sweetheart. Get the presents handed out.” Joel orders, knowing he would get Sarah to do that for him and Tommy when they’d celebrate Christmas.

You show Ellie which pill of presents is which, and pour you and Joel refresher cups of coffee to bring into the living room. The fire has been built back up and for a moment, you pretend, it’s just a normal Christmas morning. Sitting down on your old sofa and reaching for a throw to toss over your legs as Ellie bounces around creating two piles of gifts between her and Joel.

Joel frowns when he sees you don’t have anything and he remembers the simple gold ring he keeps on the gold chain around his neck. It belonged to his mother and no one has really seen it. He kept it hidden when he was in the QZ but grabbed it when he was leaving. He watches Ellie divide the presents and he looks at you, “this is too much, baby.” He says and Ellie is already ripping into a present.

“No it’s not.” You shake your head. “Things are hard to come by.” You murmur quietly. “I’m all alone. I don’t need my entire family’s wardrobe and things.” You remind him. “You two will be more comfortable traveling.”

Joel nods, opening a present to see a flannel shirt. “Thank you, sweetheart.” He murmurs and leans in to kiss your cheek. He watches Ellie open her presents with a grin and he frowns when you hand him another present. He quietly opens it, the velvet case and his eyes widen when he sees the watch. “This- I can’t accept this.”

“Yes you can.” You shake your head. “It’s solar. Hasn’t been used since my daddy died, but it’s a good watch.” You tell him. “I noticed your watch is broken, you wear it for the memory it carries. This will carry the memory of this Christmas, of me, with you.” You reach for his hand and close it over the watch. “I want you to carry it with you when you leave here.”

Joel caresses the watch, honored you’d want to give him something so special, so close to your family. He swallows harshly and leans in to kiss your cheek. “Thank you. I- wow. I - thank you.” He repeats, feeling a little overwhelmed. “Thank you baby.” He murmurs, “I love it.”

“Of course.” Ellie squeals and coos over her presents, clothes from your younger years and even some of your old jewelry for her to have. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She squeals and crushes you in a hug before she bounds off to try on the new things. You are happy she enjoyed everything and she’s having a good Christmas. “Now, I’ll start our dinner and make us some hot toddy’s to enjoy.”

Joel nods, “I’m just gonna use the bathroom.” He murmurs and stands up, heading into the bathroom to pull the chain from around his neck so he can take the ring off. He places the chain around his neck and holds the ring, heading out into the kitchen to find you. “Baby. I - I have a gift for you. It- it was my mom’s. I want you to have it.”

It takes you a minute to realize he’s trying to give you a ring. “Joel.” You whisper, frowning at the ring. You know that he will give you the same argument that you had given him. It’s probably the only thing that he has to offer you in his mind and to refuse it would be an insult. You look up into his eyes. “It’s beautiful.”

Joel smiles softly, a rare event, “like you. I want you to have it. You’ve shown us so much - well, no one has ever been quite as nice and I want you to have something special.” He says, reaching down to close your fist around the ring. “It’s something to remember me by.”

“I’ll never forget you, I promise.” You reach up with your other hand to cup his cheek. “Thank you, Joel. I’ll cherish it.” Leaning in, you kiss him softly, wishing again that he could stay and you could see what could grow between you. But it’s not to be. “Merry Christmas.”

Joel smiles, enjoying that you are happy on this holiday. “Merry Christmas.” He cups your cheek, his dark eyes meeting yours and he leans to softly kiss you. “I’ll never forget you.” He promises, “never.”

****

You shove another wrapped parcel of food into Ellie’s bag, zipping it up and patting it. They have stayed for two more days until the storm passed and every day was spent falling in love with both of them. Nights in Joel’s arms and days playing board games with Ellie and laughing at her sense of humor. Now it is time for them to leave and you are putting on a brave face. “You are all set.” You promise her, accepting the bone crushing hug she gives you and when she pulls away, you wrap her scarf around her neck and pull the beanie down over her ears. “Stay warm.”

“I’m gonna miss you.” Ellie huffs, squeezing you tight once more and pulls away to wipe her eyes since she’s told you she’s not going to cry. 

Joel swallows harshly as he steps towards you after you hug Ellie. He pulls you close, burying his face in your hair, breathing you in. He’s going to miss you. So much. He has to leave though. He leans down to press his lips to yours, uncaring of Ellie watching as his tongue slides against your lips.

It’s easy to let him in again. Clinging to him and cherishing the last kiss you’ll ever have. “Stay safe.” You beg softly after a long minute where you are both panting for air when you pull back. “I hope you accomplish your mission. Find your brother, be happy.”

Joel doubts he could be happy. Not like how he’s felt while he’s been with you. These past few days…he hasn’t felt this at peace since he…well, pre-outbreak. He sighs and rests his forehead against yours and he kisses you softly one last time. “Be good for me, baby.” He murmurs against your lips, “stay alive.” He adds, knowing that being alone can be hard.

You give a small smile, knowing you can’t promise that, just like he can’t promise to be safe. The world is full of uncertainties and danger. Watching them from your porch is the hardest thing you’ve done in a long time. Waiting until they disappear from sight before you go back inside, the warm cabin is colder and lonelier now without the two people who had literally broken in and stolen your heart.

****

It’s been a year. Joel has been keeping track of the time and he asked Tommy to confirm it. After telling Ellie his plan, she’d been all in on joining him on the trek back to your cabin. Along the way, he had chopped down the best Christmas tree he could find and he knocks on your cabin with the snow just starting to fall on Christmas Eve.

Your gun in your hand, you warily unbar the door and slowly open it. You had shuttered the cabin earlier and the decorations are still in the box, in no mood this year for Christmas. The knock on the door seems almost surreal and you squint out through the crack before your eyes widen. “J-Joel? Ellie?” 

He grins, seeing your beautiful face, and his memories did you no justice. God, you’re gorgeous. He nods, seeing the gun and he doesn’t care as he surges forward to cup your cheek and press his lips to yours.

You melt into the kiss immediately. Hastily setting the gun down on the table next to the door and throwing your arms around him. You never thought you would see him again and here he is, on your doorstep for a Christmas Eve. It’s the best present you’ve ever had.

He kisses you until he’s pulling back and pecking your lips. “Jesus, it’s freezing. Can we come in?” Ellie eventually interrupts the moment and Joel rolls his eyes. “I missed you.” He murmurs after they take off their jackets and boots and he’s wrapping his arms around you. “We found my brother. He’s - he’s in Jackson. It’s - it’s amazing. It’s a proper town. With people. Doctors. A goddamn bar. Come back with us to our house.” He requests softly.

“Your house? L-leave?” You are so confused but Ellie pipes in. 

“Joel and I have a house. It’s got plenty of room and we want you to come. We can bring whatever you want and come back with the wagons to get everything.” She bites her lip. “Joel’s missed you. A lot. He’s been a grumpy fucker since we left.” 

Your eye brow lifts when Joel nods. “I’ve missed you.” He repeats. “I want you to come live with me and Ellie. You can bring the chickens and everything you want from here.”

You stare at him in shock. It’s been a year and he hasn’t stopped thinking about you. “Baby. I- I want you to come back with us but you don’t - it’s your choice.” He promises, caressing your cheek and he lowers his hand, “you don’t have to decide now. It’s Christmas. Let’s celebrate and decorate the tree and then we can discuss it.” He promises, trying to compromise.

“I- yes..” you decide instantly. “We will have our Christmas here and then I will go back with you to Jackson.” You have been miserable without Joel or anyone else here and you never thought you would see him again. He’s back and he wants you with him. Christmas with Joel might have started here, with the white Christmas that had blown him into your life, but next year, you will celebrate with Joel and Ellie in Jackson. Next year and years to come.

[ariundercovers]

Bad Man (joel miller x afab!fem!reader)

Words: ~1.2k

Summary: Joel was a bad man. Neither of you gave a single fuck about it. (there's nothing here but pure filth. i am not sorry nor will i apologize. it spewed out of my brain and now here you be)

Warnings: 18+ only, rough sex, unprotected p in v, ass slapping, neck grabbing, bruising mentioned, girthy age gap, slightly toxic internal thoughts/monologue

masterlist here

You’re not sure how you got into this position, got to this place.

Well… actually, that’s a lie.

You’re pretty sure of it, if you’re being honest with yourself, and it has everything to do with Joel’s big fucking mouth and his stupid, flirty personality. It has even more to do with his perfect, stupid, glorious tongue and his frustratingly fat cock.

The speckled gray hair and the crow’s feet at his eyes were just the icing on top of the cake for you, really. A well-worn man with just as worn hands, willing to use them to deliver all of the pain and pleasure you could possibly ask for. He fucks, and he fucks well. He fucks like someone who’s lived an entire life, knows exactly what he wants, and takes it. Every time.

It’s all that you can think about, all that you can manage to do as he spears his hips into you from behind, nearly knocking the wind out of your chest with every thrust.

Joel was a bad man. A very, very bad man. 

And you fucking loved him for it.

Every grunt you hear from behind you spurs you on a little further, makes your core get a little bit wetter, until you feel beads of sweat start to drip from his body and onto your back. You cry out for him as the fingers of one hand dig bruisingly into your hip, and the palm of the other takes turns slapping at each of your asscheeks until you’re sure they’re a bright, stinging red with the heat you can feel radiating off of them already. 

There’s nothing in your mind, nothing in your body, but Joel. Joel everywhere.

He stops his smacks, but not his thrusts, and grips you tightly at the nape of your neck, shoving your face down into the couch beneath you. He holds you there, barely enough room to get a breath in between your cheek and the cushion, but the new angle makes you absolutely see stars. You cry out for him, fingers digging into the couch as you try to find purchase anywhere you can manage.

You feel like your insides are on fire - and so are your asscheeks - everything is, really, because Joel is all over you and inside of you and everywhere and everything and it was so fucking perfect you could cum just from the thought of it all. 

You were sure this was what heaven must feel like. Did you make him feel just as good? He hisses behind you and you feel another rush of slick to your core as you think about it. 

This, right here, was heaven. You knew it. You didn’t need to die to get there, and hell, you surely knew Joel wouldn’t be coming with you, anyway. So this would be enough. You’d let Joel bring a little piece of heaven to you, just like this, anytime he wanted to. You’d never say no to him.

And the thing is, you were right. Joel was a bad man. A very, very bad man. And he knew it. He just didn’t care.

With Ellie leaving and Tommy off to start his own family, what else did he have left? Who cares if he started fucking the little stable girl, young and perky and pliant and willing… all for him, any night of the week?

Could you really blame him for not giving a rat’s ass about what anyone else thought?

Maria would have his head if she knew, probably chastise him for being a dirty old man, call him a pervert or a cradle robber or something even worse.

You were legal, though. At least legal to the standards of 2003… legality ain’t much of a thing, these days.

He grunts heavily above you, staring down at you like you’re some kind of magic, materialized beneath his hands. Your fucking skin is just so fucking soft… Not hard and war-torn like his. And your hands… Oh the way your soft, gentle hands make him feel when they’re wrapped around his cock. Don’t even get him started on your fucking perky, perfectly pouty lips. He might as well have a heart attack and go to heaven each time you wrap your lips around his length.

So, fuck it. He wants this. Damn near feels like, after all this time, maybe, just maybe, he even deserves it. Deserves a warm cunt to sink himself into at the end of the day, a perky set of tits to play with, a smiling face that calls out for him not in stress or frustration but in pleasure.

Yeah. He wants it. He really, really fucking wants it. And he’s gonna take it - and keep taking it - over and over again until you’ve had your fill of him or until he drops dead in the process. He’s gonna take you every way he possibly can.

With the most mental clarity he’s had since that moment in the hospital with Ellie, Joel’s hips stutter for a moment as his breath catches in his throat. It’s just a second - barely a blip - but you notice. Of course you fucking notice. You start to turn your head back to him as if to ask him about it, but he just keeps fucking you relentlessly into the couch, never giving you a moment to even breathe, let alone ask a question.

He keeps your face pressed down into the cushions beneath you, and one of his broad arms wraps around your waist, a single calloused finger rubbing softly at your swollen nub. It takes very few moments of his touch at your clit to send you spiraling into oblivion, your back arching violently away from him as he continues to pound into you, both hands resting at each hip. His fingertips dip into your hip bones as he pulls you up and down on his cock, bouncing you off of his thighs with each thrust. He doesn’t give you a moment to think, let alone come down from the high of your orgasm, until he can feel the familiar tightening in his balls, slamming into you once - twice - three more times before he’s pulling out of you just in time to splatter his hot cum all over your well-abused ass. 

The pearly white beads of his cum nearly sparkle across the reddened skin of your ass cheeks and he groans in satisfaction as he catches his breath, loving the look of you painted with his seed. His. 

His. 

The possessive, needy demon comes out in him as he slaps his hand down against your reddened ass one more time and smears his cum all the way across your backside.

“You’re fucking mine, little girl. You understand me?”

You mewl, eyes shutting tightly as you press your ass back into the touch of his hands. He’ll be gentle with you later when you’re alone upstairs, buried under the sheets, where it’s safe and he’s sure no one’s watching. His shell will crack and you’ll get a little glimpse into his miserable broken insides, but not now. Not yet. 

Now, he’s all sharp edges and teeth, rough and raw and oh-so Joel.

He slaps your ass again, smearing his cum across your back before raking his nails sharply down your spine.

You wouldn’t have it any other way.

~ ~ ~

A/N: if you liked it, PLEASE leave a comment and/or a reblog! your interactions are literally the fuel to my fire! Love you all! xoxoxo

[viridescent-din]

Hope

Joel x reader. Smut, 18+ only Fingering, age gap.

~

There’s no hope for you.

You don’t take it personally. There’s no hope for anyone anymore. But it still stings, knowing it will probably never get better. Knowing that in spite of everything, even though you and everyone else that’s left has been given the worst hand fate could have dealt, you can’t ever have what you want. What’s right in front of you. 

Joel, leaving you for weeks on end to smuggle God knows what. Angry when you come, angry when you don’t. Short tempered and mean, hurting under all those layers of pain and experience and grime. When you met Joel, you promised yourself you would dig into him, make your way through those layers and burrow under them. Warm him from the inside out. You wanted to know him.

Now you do, and it hurts more than ever. It’s a nicer pain than feeling nothing at all, but it’s still heavy. The lingering glances Joel gives you make you feel truly alive, but they make you ache too. The wandering eyes, the brushes of his arm, the death grip he holds you in on the runs when you stumble across infected. You know Joel well enough to understand they mean something. To you and him. He doesn’t touch other people like that. He doesn’t care for them. Protect them. 

If he’s felt the way he does for you this long and hasn’t done anything about it, he’s never going to.

It’s possible that Joel doesn’t want to make the first move - doesn’t want to be the one that really changes the comfortable (almost, almost domestic) closeness you two have. There’s lots of reasons he wouldn’t: he’s older than you, for one. There’s also FEDRA and the Fireflies and anyone else who keeps an eye on Joel, looking for a weakness. The lack of confirmation between the two of you as to just what you are bleeds over to anyone who watches you interact. If something changes, if Joel really admits this is real, it won’t stay between the two of you no matter how much he might try. They’ll notice. Joel can’t afford to lose anyone else. 

It’s hopeless, you and Joel. So you try not to think about it, and you never, ever push him. 

-

Joel can’t take this much longer. Can’t take you. 

It’s killing him. Everything is: his job, his age, his sorrow. Everything is wearing Joel down, making him drag his feet and look for the nearest somewhat safe spot so he can collapse and finally rest. For just one fucking minute. 

He only feels rested when he’s with you. And Joel hates himself for that. Hates putting that amount of responsibility on you - to burden you with him. You’ve never asked for that. 

Of course, you’ve never asked because you’re scared that if you do, Joel will leave. He doesn’t blame you. He’s not entirely sure that he wouldn’t.

You’re so good. It blinds him sometimes, your goodness. Sometimes it’s like the sun, shining down on Joel as he overlooks the ruins of whatever given city he’s in. But sometimes it’s like the light on the soldier’s gun twenty years ago, forcing Joel to realize everything he holds dear is devastatingly fragile. 

If Joel let you give yourself to him the way he knows you want to, all he would do is take. He would envelope you, trap you in his chest. He’s cold and gruff and he would expect you to just deal with it. More than you already do. 

~

“Should be an easy run,” you finish telling Joel late one night. You try not to notice how nice he looks in red, even if the shirt he’s wearing is dusty and beat up. “I’ll be back before morning.”

“I’m coming with you.” Joel responds gruffly. You purse your lips.

“I know you had something planned with Tess,” you say. “It’s just the mall. I’m not even leaving the QZ.”

“It’s boarded up for a reason.”

“I trust the people that say it’s safe -”

“Tess can handle herself. Ain’t no thing for me to go with you.” You still.

You don’t mean to be upset with Joel, but stings anyway, the lack of faith he has in you. It’s times like this that make you feel young. Stupid and incapable. 

Needy.

“Tess can leave the QZ on her own but I can’t even make a quick trip to the mall?” You manage to keep the accusation out of your tone, but it’s still implied. Joel knows. 

“Hey,” he says, short. “That’s not what I’m sayin’.” You swallow.

“I know, Joel, I just -”

“Tess has experience. She’s been doing this shit practically since it all started.” You nod as you look away, nails digging into your palms as you clench them. Your heart jumps when you feel Joel take your hand, prying it open. “Quit doin’ that.” He murmurs. Joel’s hand is warm, spreading waves of heat throughout your body. You unclench your fist, and Joel rubs his thumb over the lines of barely broken skin. “It’s different with you,” he says, barely audible. “You know it is.”

For a second, you think this is it. The walls are coming down, and Joel is admitting. Confessing, even. You look at him, eyes wide and hopeful. 

He drops your hand and walks away. 

“I’ll be back tomorrow night. Be ready.” He says. The door slams shut behind him. 

~

“What are we even here for?” Joel only thinks to ask once you’ve led him into some sort of breaker room. You shine your flashlight at all the light switches and levers, looking for the right one. Joel frowns at himself. He should have pressed you for more information about this. It’s not like him to… not. “If I’m just here to take you shopping, we can leave now.”

“Yeah, Joel, you’re here to take me shopping. Prom is right around the corner.” You say. Smart ass, Joel thinks. He lets himself smile while you aren’t looking.

“Think you’re a little old for that.” Joel shines his own flashlight overheard, looking at all the decay. Water drips onto his face, and he wipes it off. 

“I’m not that much older, you know. I am twenty f-”

“Don’t finish that sentence.” Joel stops you. You grin at him before lifting a lever. Machinery whirrs around you both, and the lights slowly flicker on.

“Whatever you say, old man.” Joel rolls his eyes, but secretly, he’s relieved to have you teasing him again. Joel doesn’t like how he left your place last night, how real it felt. How for a moment, he was the cause of the hurt that flickered over your face. “This way.” You tell him, leading him down the maintenance hallway and into the actual mall. 

Even Joel can’t help but marvel at it, even in ruin. It’s massive, and all the stores are reminding him of brands he had forgotten existed. His chest clenches at the sight of some of them, the models that would have Sarah’s age.

The last time he went to a mall was with her. 

“Holy shit,” you breathe, eyes wandering. “Look how big it is, Joel! Everything is -”

“Are we gonna be here all night?” Joel demands, suddenly gruff and impatient. Your face falls. “Let’s get what you want and leave, alright?”

“Right,” you say, excitement gone. “It’s um - I just remember my mom going to the mall whenever one of us got sick. I know there’s… there are like, pharmacies or whatever. I thought it would be good to stock up on medicine.”

Joel pinches the bridge of his nose, angry at himself for taking his shit out on you. It’s not your fault he insisted on coming. 

It’s a good plan, too. Joel is surprised he or Tess didn’t think of it. 

“That’s good. Smart.” He tells you, trying to ease the tension. “Do you remember how to find your way around a mall?” You shake your head. “It’s called a directory. It’s a map, usually on the first floor.” Joel spots an escalator a few feet in front of you. “Let’s go look at one, yeah? Better than wandering around the entire night.”

“Okay.” You agree. “Lead the way.”

~

The pharmacy is on the second floor, so you and Joel head back the way you came after looking at the directory. You start rambling about how there might not even be anything, how a mall probably doesn’t have as much as a CVS or a Walgreens. Joel stops you. 

“Even one bottle of antibiotics is better than none,” he tells you. “This was smart. Good job.” You give Joel a small smile. 

“Thanks,” you say. 

The pharmacy turns out to be well stocked - you and Joel jump over the counter and find practically everything full. Joel watches you look at the labels of everything a few times before you take to dumping things in your backpack. Joel is more careful, on the lookout for penicillin and any other helpful meds he can remember. He falters when he grabs one prescription and reads it: cryselle, low ogestrel. Birth control. Before he even realizes what he’s doing, Joel glances at you.

“You ready?” You ask. You’re standing on the counter, looking down. Joel shoves the pills in pocket. 

“Yeah,” he says, swinging his backpack over his shoulder. “Let’s -” Joel doesn’t even hear the growling until it’s too late, until a rotted hand grabs your ankle and pulls, the crack of your ribs on the counter bouncing off the walls and the look of surprise on your face permanently searing itself onto Joel’s brain. 

~

“Joel!” You scream, the infected chomping at you, practically ripping the skin of its neck to reach you. Bite you. You let out another scream, one pure terror and pain. Your torso is throbbing, a blinding pain that’s making it harder and harder to keep the infected off you. You thrash, kicking its legs in an attempt to get it off, but you only make its knees collapse so its weight falls on you even more. You let out a frustrated sob. 

This is it, you think to yourself. Even if I get out of this, Joel is never letting me do a run again. Your arms start to weaken at the thought, subconsciously giving in. 

The shot fires so close to you it makes your ears ring. The infected stops growling, slumping on top of you. You push it off, dazed. 

Joel is on you in an instant, hands running over every inch of bare skin you have. Hands, wrists. Neck. He hooks his fingers under your chin and forces you to look at him, distress written all over his face. You cough, wincing as it rattles your ribs. 

“Good,” you manage. “I’m clean.” Joel sags with relief, his forehead pressed against yours. He smells scared, stressed and acrid. You close your eyes and breathe it in. 

“C’mon,” Joel says, standing. “There could be more. There’s always more.”

~

He takes you to his apartment. His, not yours. You drop your bags at the door, kicking off your shoes. Joel leads you to his bedroom, and you sit on his sheets, wincing. When you pull up your shirt, your skin is raised and bruised. You tug it back down. 

“Does it feel like a clean break?” Joel asks. You shrug, not knowing what he expects you to say. He leaves, coming back with a bottle of pills and a glass of water. “Ibuprofen.” He explains. “Nothing fancy for a few broken bones.” You thank him. 

“Should we wrap it?” You ask. 

“Don’t know. Might make sleeping on ‘em the first night easier.” Joel watches you. “Can I see?”

You swallow as Joel stands over you. Slowly, you lift your shirt.

To Joel’s credit, he doesn’t freak out. It dawns on you that he might be thinking you’re making a big deal out of nothing. You don’t know what Joel’s life was like before you were in it, but you know it was worse than a few cracked bones. Embarrassment creeps up your face. 

“It’s nothing.” You dismiss it. Joel nods. 

“Nothing.” He agrees. He doesn’t sound convincing, though. 

~

It’s not even that bad. Joel knows that.

He watches people die every day. He’s seen the worst of death and then some. He’s seen people stumble into the QZ holding their innards in their hands. He’s watched people rip their tongues out as the virus infects them, trying to rid themselves of the spores they can feel invading their bodies.

You have a few cracked ribs. You’re strong. You can handle it. 

But the thing is, Joel can’t. He’s worn down, he’s exhausted and scared he just can’t keep himself from caring so much. 

He’s making this a bigger deal than it is. Joel thinks you feel the same - you’re waving him off, saying you’re fine. Saying it’s nothing. The wound is, sure. But the terror Joel felt when he saw you disappear behind the counter in less than a second? That isn’t nothing. It’s everything. You’re everything.

“You wanna stay here for the night?” Joel asks you. Splashes of black and blue spread over your torso, painting your skin. It makes Joel feel sick. He shouldn’t have let this happen. 

“Yeah,” you say. “If it’s okay.” Joel shrugs in response, hunching his shoulders to ward his paranoia away. You give him a small smile, tugging your shirt down. Joel turns around, walking over to the small dresser near the door and digging out one of his flannels. He knows you like them, and you know Joel likes seeing you in them just as much. He tosses it to you on the bed. You catch it smoothly, laying it next to you. Joel faces the wall, letting you change your shirt. 

And then he hears it. 

It’s a small noise that you make. It probably isn’t even one of pain, you’ve been through worse than this, it’s just a hiss of discomfort as you raise your arms above your head to take your shirt off. 

And Joel is rushing towards you, brow furrowed, hands outstretched and mind telling him no, no, no, just like it has for years. 

Joel’s been silently telling himself no to you since he met you. He’s older now. 

He can’t bring himself to listen anymore. 

Joel kneels in front of you, grunting as his knees protest. Your eyes are wide, and you’ve frozen. Your hands are gripping the hem of your shirt, holding it just above your navel. You watch as Joel’s eyes flick towards the bareness of your stomach, and even though he just saw it so he could look at your ribs, Joel can tell you know he’s looking in a different way now. He swallows, leaning forward.

“Let me help you, baby.” Joel says. You draw in a breath.

“Are you sure?” You whisper. You know what this means, what Joel’s thinly veiled statement implies. Joel returns your gaze. 

Joel reaches forward, grabbing the hem of your shirt and lifting it carefully over your head. A small ‘good job’ tumbles off his lips when you raise your arms without making another sound of discomfort again, and Joel sees what his praise does to you. 

He leans back on his heels, looking at you sitting with your breasts exposed on his bed, bones cracked and in need of repair. He watches you wait for him to really promise something, to show you that this is finally happening. 

You’ve been so patient. Joel can’t make you wait any longer.

-

“Joel,” Joel’s name comes out a gasp as he lays you down, 

Joel props himself on the wall, sitting on the pillows. He pulls your back against his chest, arm over your collarbone while his other hand dangles between your legs. He massages your thighs and your eyes slide shut. You grip his forearm, nails biting into his skin. 

When Joel’s fingers have finally worked their way up and are tracing your slick entrance, you whimper. 

“I know, baby. I’ve got you.” Joel licks the shell of your ear as he murmurs, and you feel so safe. He’s capable and willing and wanting, you can feel his hardness against the small of your back. 

If it were anyone else, this would feel sudden. But it’s Joel. You’ve been waiting so long. You’d be lying if you said you understood why it was now that he finally decided to do something, but you don’t care. You don’t care why this brush with death was the one that made the walls come down. You just care that it did. 

Joel kisses your neck, sinking his teeth into the muscle of where your shoulder meets your neck, and you gasp, keening against him. 

Teeth marks on your shoulder. Bruises on your hips. Joel is trying to make up for the fact you’re battered from today’s supply run. You’re about to say something about it when his fingertip pushes into your cunt. Your mouth drops open, and you moan so loud you almost slap your hand over your mouth instinctively. 

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” you hear Joel say as he slides his finger further in. Your thighs tremble, and Joel stills. “Hey,” Joel says your name, serious. “How long has it been?” He asks in a whisper. He runs his thumb up painfully slow over your clit, the same way you would to someone’s back or shoulder if you were trying to comfort them. It makes your head spin. “I gotta know how slow you need it.” He explains. You open your eyes, and Joel is staring at you. 

“I,” you feel your cheeks burn. “I haven’t ever…” excuses build on your tongue before you even finish your sentence. I haven’t had time. I was the only survivor I knew of for years. I was only a kid when this all started. I can’t trust anyone around here. I’m younger than you. You don’t say any of them. You can’t bring yourself to. 

“Oh, baby -”

“Please don’t stop,” you plead. Joel doesn’t move, his finger still inside you, gaze piercing. “Please, Joel. It’s not - it doesn’t have to be a big deal. I need this.” You can’t reach Joel’s lips from here, not with the way he’s holding you, so you drop your head and drag your lips across his forearms instead. “I need you.”

Joel closes his eyes, screwing them shut like he’s upset. But when he opens them, there’s no trace of anger. Just affection. 

“I’m not gonna stop,” he promises you. You nod, relieved. “I’m taking care of you, darlin.’”

When Joel pushes another thick finger inside you to prove his point, he chases away any doubt you had remaining. 

-

“I’m not going to use my cock on you tonight,” Joel tells you after what feels like hours of him working you open.Your disappointment is obvious. Insecurity begins to set in on you, but Joel won’t let it. “Not tonight,” he repeats. “Another time.” It takes a second for you to believe him, but eventually you murmur a quick ‘okay.’ “For now, I want you to finish with my fingers. Think you can do that for me, baby?” You nod, and Joel rewards you by curling his finger. “Good girl,” he says, and you clench around him. Joel smirks, amused, and rubs the thumb he has on your shoulder up and down soothingly. “Relax,” he tells you. “I’ve got you. Let me in.”

You try to wrap your head around the fact that this is happening, that after years of pining after Joel, he’s finally here. He’s sturdy and strong and present - you can feel all of him, his heartbeat against your back, his breath on your neck, his fingers so deep it’s like you can feel him in your stomach. His smell grounds you, filling your senses. You’re so full, so full of Joel. You have been for a long time now. 

You take a deep breath, letting yourself inhale Joel’s scent. Your exhale is shakier as Joel presses in deeper. Your gaze flickers down to where his fingers disappear, and you whimper at the sight. You’re never seen yourself like this, swollen and puffy. You’re transfixed by Joel’s fingers pumping in and out of you, shiny with your slick. He suddenly finds a spot you’ve never had touched before. You moan as he massages the spongy place, trying to find your breath. When Joel keeps at that and rubs at your clit again, your vision starts to blur. 

“Joel,” you gasp, the feeling foreign and overwhelming. “Joel. Joeljoeljoel -”

“Shh. You’re okay. I’m here,” Joel slows. “Do you want me to stop?”

“No!” You exclaim. Your mind is spinning as the corners of your eyes begin to go white.

“Okay. Alright,” Joel soothes you. “I know, darlin’, I know. Feels so good it’s almost scary, isn’t it?” You screw your eyes shut, your chest heaving as you pant. Joel presses on, his confident voice pushing you close to the edge. “But you don’t need to be scared. You can let yourself have this,” Joel takes a breath in, his voice getting distant. “You deserve this, alright? Let me give this to you.” Joel almost sounds like he’s begging. “Please let me do this for you.”

All you can do is clench around him in response. 

~

Joel knows, Joel knows he shouldn’t be doing this. You’re better than him. You should have someone more handsome, someone younger, someone kinder.

Someone with less blood on their hands. 

But Joel is selfish. He’s a selfish man, he has been since he lost Sarah, and he wants this. Wants you. He wants to give you something, make you feel good for just one second in the shitty world you have to live in. He needs this. He needs to know you’re getting some type of pleasure. 

He hesitates when you say this is your first time.

It shouldn’t surprise him - you don’t have the resources people before the virus did. No internet, no sex ed, no parents or older siblings to ask. 

You don’t like new things. Joel knows you don’t like being inexperienced. You’re too good at what you do, it makes your tolerance for being out of depth very, very low. And this is so much more personal than anything else. He can feel your embarrassment when you confess to him, unable to even finish your sentence. 

“Oh, baby,” he murmurs, and it isn’t because you have anything to be ashamed about, it’s because Joel is pretty sure you’ve barely even touched yourself and you still find it in you to trust him to do it. To beg. Joel is a sick man, because it goes straight to his dick, your trust and desperation. 

He wants to give this to you, and he doesn’t care if it also feels like taking. 

When you cum, sweating and writhing in his arms, you clench tighter around Joel’s fingers than he knew was possible. He can feel your fucking heartbeat, and his hand isn’t even on your chest. 

You’re far away when Joel eases his fingers out of you. He manages to lay you down on the bed, cautious of your ribs. He starts to stand to get a washcloth to clean you up, but you grip his hand. 

“Please don’t go,” you tell him, vulnerable. “Please, Joel.”

Joel hates himself. Hates that he’s ever acted in some type of way that would make you think he would leave you when you need someone.

When you need him. 

“I’m just grabbing something to clean us up,” he promises, rubbing your knee. “We made a mess, darlin’.” You sag, relieved. 

Joel caves once he’s in the bathroom and out of your sight. He presses his fingers to his tongue, savoring your taste. He sucks his fingers off like a starved man, and can’t wait until he gets it straight from the source. 

~

There is hope after all. For you and Joel. You can tell because of the dull throb in your core. Joel’s half hard cock against your hip. The medicine in your packs by the door, the softness of Joel’s lips over the skin of your ribs. 

There is hope - always was. Even though you had to wait for it. 

[joelsgreys]

wip wednesday (on a friday)

thank you to my sweet love @mrsmando for tagging me 🤍

next week is my last week of classes and i am free for the summer. ((: i have been working on a new project, the idea has been on my mind for months, but i held off on it because i knew i wanted to write and share it while i was on break. i have fallen so in love with this wip, and as much as i want to post the masterlist and get the first chapter out, i know i have to update my other wips first. but sharing a snippet is a good way to scratch the itch.

for now, i am keeping almost everything under wraps, including the title. i’m sure you can probably guess the trope, but i am putting what i hope will be a little bit of a unique twist on it. stay tuned for a lil reminder at the bottom.*

“I have to take care of him,” you say, quietly. Turning away from him, you gaze out the window of his truck, and your eyes fall on the swing hanging from the oak tree in the front yard. You think back to your lunchbox days, back to when your whole world was only one block wide, and you were too innocent to know any better. When you were too young to know that funny smell on your father’s breath was a mingle of lager and bourbon, far too little to understand that you wouldn’t find the shade of lipstick that stained his collar on your mother’s vanity. Before you started figuring out their picture perfect marriage was all smoke and mirrors, before you realized how forced their smiles were in every framed photograph perched atop the fireplace mantel. “I just have to, Joel. He’s my dad.”

He catches the way your voice breaks and it almost breaks him.

It’s a pain so palpable, he feels it.

And all he wants to do is take it away, carry it for you.

He hurts for the sweet soul he’s known her whole life, wonders how he didn’t see any of it until it was much too late.

“But sweetheart.” Without thinking, Joel reaches over the center console, and he places his hand over yours, prompting you to shift your attention back to him. His thumb rubs soft, soothing circles into your skin, over and over again as his eyes meet yours. “Who’s gonna take care of you?”

i’m sure most people have done this already, so i am tagging anyone who would like to do this. i know being a writer on here right now is difficult, but we do this for free, we do this for fun, and more importantly, we do this for us. 🤍

[electricgoldtendercare]

confession.

hi babes!! i’ve been working on this one for ages and finally finished it yesterday. it’s a joel miller au where he is a priest🧍🏼‍♀️😇. definitely sacrilegious so please avoid reading if that can be a trigger for you!! basically just filth! maybe a part 2 coming if anyone is interested? tia 💗

MINORS DNI 18+ ONLY

warnings: smut, pure filth, religious terms, reader afab, gendered terms, oral male receiving, slight voyeurism??, sex in a church, i’m so sorry, praying so hard after this one, age gap (24 & 56), more of my terrible endings, not super edited,

————————

Okay, you can do this. You’ve confessed so many times before. It’s simple. You tried to convince yourself as you walked up the steps to church. It shouldn’t be different, should be the way it usually was but something was different. That something being the new Priest, the man who prompted you to even need to confess in the first place. Father J, that’s what he liked the congregation to call him. Everyone immediately fell in love with him, all the women whispered that he was handsome and all the men wanted to invite him over to their barbecues. You hadn’t been immune to his charm either, that being what got you into this mess. 24 years old and marching up the church steps to confess to probably the most embarrassing thing you could think of. You should have dressed up a bit more, clad in your work uniform and messy hair tied up in a bun. Just tight jeans and a fitting t-shirt that proudly displayed the name of the restaurant you worked at across the chest. Church was meant to be judgment free but you knew if any of the old ladies in the congregation saw you walk in that way you’d be the talk of the week until another young woman did something that they deemed worse. Regardless, you walked to the front of the church and found the confessional with the door open, inviting you in to make a fool of yourself.

Stepping inside, you shut the door behind you and settle into your seat. scratching at the denim of your jeans to release some anxiety. “Good Afternoon and Bless you, my child.” You hear, his voice bringing you comfort along with more stress. “Hi…” You sigh, remembering your next words. “Bless me Father, for I have sinned.” You say quietly, looking towards the wall between you and seeing the outline of his head and broad shoulders. “Go ahead, confess your sins.” Going quiet to allow you to confess. You take a deep breath, preparing yourself before speaking up. “I don’t know..exactly how to say this. Ever since you came to our church, well, your church now, ever since then i’ve had these feelings. You obviously know, ok well maybe you don’t know, but you’re very handsome. All the women in the congregation talk about it like all of the time.” You laugh and you hear him chuckle quietly, you wouldn’t have been able to even hear him if you weren’t in such a confined place. “Anyways, i’m sorry. This is weird for me to admit..” You whisper. “Would it be easier if we were face to face?” He asks, “No! No, I'm sorry. No, sir. I think my face would be far too red telling you this to your face.” You admit, taking yet another deep breath before deciding to just come out and say it.

“I had a se-explicit dream about you and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since. I’m so sorry. I feel so so bad!” You say, bracing yourself for the man to raise his voice or leave the cupboard for you to sit in silence with your filthy thoughts. You notice the air around you change, becoming more heavy as the seconds tick by. Finally, after what feels like forever he speaks up. “I-There’s no need to apologize, this is why i’m here.” His voice is strained, an octave lower than normal but you were far too embarrassed to even notice. “Just this one dream?”

“Yes…well, no. Father, please forgive me. I keep having this same dream: I find myself daydreaming about it when I know I shouldn’t. I tried to tell my mom but she told me I should come share with you so…yeah.” The man next to you nods slowly, letting out a shaky breath as he attempts to compose himself. He knew it was you over there, he had seen you walk in and through the rows of benches closer to where he was.

“I see…Well, dreams of that variety are common. I have people coming in all the time to confess them. Do you remember what happened in this dream? and these daydreams..” He was toeing a very thin line, knowing that what he heard next might not be easy to sit still during. As much as he attempted to be immune to thoughts about sins of the flesh he was just a man, a man who had a beautiful young woman admitting something like this about him, to him. Your cheeks turn bright red, not having expected to be asked for specifics. You had been prepared to confess and then forget it ever happened, but here you were opening your mouth to explain the dream to your priest. Your sweet, kind, handsome priest…No! God Forgive me. You were just going to have to live in the confession box if your thoughts kept moving that way.

“Okay well..” Here goes nothing. How specific were you supposed to be?? “It starts the same every time..you ask me to stay after mass to help you with something. Once everyone is out of the building..i’m helping you put the hymn books back. Most of the time I feel you come up behind me while I'm putting them away…your hands touching my waist and I can feel your breath across my neck.” You reach up to rub the back of your neck instinctively, trying to ignore the steady heat that was beginning to burn in your belly. “After I would feel your breath I'd..I’d…it’d be your lips on my neck. Kissing and..and sucking.” You whisper, not daring to look over at him. “Go on..”

“Well you’d leave a lot of marks..all over my skin. I remember one you said that you wanted everyone in the congregation to know how much..how..oh i’m sorry, father but how slutty I was being for you..”

“Shh, it’s alright.” He whispers, voice deep with something you couldn’t put a finger on. It couldn’t have possibly been lust, could it? “Would it make you feel better if you came and sat with me while you told me more?” He asks and you think on it quickly before nodding. “Yes Father. That’d feel better.” You say and leave your side, walking around to the side of the confession box he was in and stepping inside. Bodies were close together, fingers brushing over each other as you found a place to stand. “Kneel, my child. Then continue on.” He orders, voice still soft and kind which makes it easier for you to follow his direction. You put your hands on his thighs to steady yourself as you knelt down in front of him, cheeks bright red at the compromising position. He nods his head to urge you to continue and you take a deep breath before you do. “This happened in the dream too…all over the church. You’d ask me to kneel and pray but it always ended up with…well, you know.”

“Use your words.” The voice came out gruff and more pointed than it had been, catching you off guard. “Oh, um. It always ended up with your co-with me on my knees giving you a blowjob.” You whispered the last word, even if the way he was staring at you made you want to admit every dirty thought you had ever had about him you still felt like you should have some shame.

“Are you thinking about it right now?” He asks, hands laying gently on yours where they held his knees. You stared at his hands, slowly letting your gaze wander up to his face where you found his pupils blown out and his lips parted ever so slightly. You weren’t sure where the situation was going, preparing yourself for anything as you slowly nod. “I am…I’m sorry.” You whisper and you hear him let out a shaky breath. One of his hands moves to push your hair out of your eyes, fighting himself in his mind over what to do next. He absolutely should kick you out, apologize for letting it get so far out of hand but he was frozen, unable to glance away from you. His fingers move down your jaw and you lean into his touch, feeling his thumb brush over the side of your mouth which causes your lips to part, head pathetically turning to find the finger to wrap your lips around it. Keeping your eyes on his, you start to suck on his thumb slowly and surely, letting all of the desire drip out of you and into the action. Your eyes found his once again as you used your tongue and lips around his finger, the digit becoming coated in saliva as you did so. He let his other hand move to the back of your head, a gentle touch turning into a grip on your hair to keep you in position as you worked his thumb. You felt so filthy, your knees aching from kneeling in the confession box as you hollowed out your cheeks. You felt the urge from your chest and down between your thighs to please the man in front of you in any way you could.

He pulls his thumb out of your mouth, a trail of spit connecting it to your lips and away as he did so. You lay your head on his thigh, staring up at him expectantly. You were pretty sure that you’d do absolutely anything he asked in that moment, mind clouded with lust and senses overwhelmed with the scent and feel of him. Gone were the worries of even having these feelings for your priest, all you wanted was to be a good girl for him and the feelings were stronger than ever. You open your mouth to ask him what he’d like from you next but the words died out when you both heard the door to the chapel swing open and shut. His eyes filled with panic as he glanced between you and where the footsteps were coming from. You squeeze his thigh to get his attention and mime a zipper closing your mouth before throwing out the key. It looked as though he was about to make you leave but the other side of the booth was filled before he was able to make the decision. “G-good afternoon, and bless you child.” He says, shaking his head at the way he was tripping on his words. You thought it was cute, the way he seemed so nervous from here, though you were sure whoever was in the booth next to you would never guess.

“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.” You hear, trying to decide the best way to make your next move. You slowly slid your hands up his thighs, dangerously close to where you could see a tent in his pants just waiting for you. You stifle a groan when you feel his hands grip your wrists tightly to attempt to stop you, sending you a warning glance as he listens to the member. You stop, but only for a moment before you let your fingers brush over his covered member. You went teasingly slow, partially to tease him but also so he wouldn’t trip on his words in the middle of his prayer. You were unsure where the newfound confidence was coming from, maybe the way he was reacting from your touch was encouraging you to keep this up, keep up the act of being over confident when in reality you were not. You make careful movements to undo the button of his pants, moving extra slow with the zipper so it wouldn't make any noise. Once it was down you were able to see the outline of his cock in his underwear, licking your lips subconsciously as you let your hand lay against it with the lightest touch. His hand was still on your wrist, gripping tightly but not moving you. You’d have a bruise in the morning and the thought brought you more excitement than anything else.

At a lull in the conversation you took a deep breath in preparation before sitting yourself up on your knees and leaning over to press a small, open mouthed kiss against the clothed outline. It felt warm against your lips and you had to suppress a giggle when you felt it twitch against your touch. You feel his stare watching your every move, like a lion about to attack it’s prey. You let your mouth wrap around the tip, using your tongue to slowly soak the fabric that proved as a barrier. You quickly look up through your lashes and notice it seems he has stopped breathing, bringing a smile to your face and causing pride to grow through your chest. You slide your mouth up and down his length, coating it in saliva and enjoying the way the outline becomes more prominent. You hear the boring lull of whoever was next to you drone on, a reminder that staying quiet was the safest thing to do. You pull back, watching him curiously as you slowly slide two fingers below his waistband and start to pull them down. You wait to make sure he won’t stop you, that he wants this as much as you do. He only nods as he keeps speaking and soon you have his boxers pulled down, letting his cock spring up before you.

So, you’d never actually seen one in person before and the way it stood proudly in front of you gave you pause, the newfound confidence you had was dissipating until you just felt nervous. Sensing a change in you, he raises an eyebrow as if to ask if you were still wanting to do this. You nod back almost too quickly, taking a deep breath before moving forward. You feel his hand on the back of your head and watch as his other wraps around the base of his cock, guiding it to your open mouth. You feel him rub the tip over your lips, biting down roughly on his own. You let him hit the tip on your tongue a bit, feeling as though you could moan simply at the taste of him. This was so much better than your dreams, the weight of his cock on your tongue and the way his hand gripped the back of your head harder each time was better than anything you could even imagine. “Suck” He mouths the word and you nod obediently, wrapping your lips around the swollen tip. You let your eyes flutter shut as you did so, reveling in the feeling before you felt a yank on your hair. Your eyes pop open quickly and looked at him with concern, had you hurt him? had you been caught? You watch as he points to his eyes and then to yours and you nod in understanding. Maintaining eye contact, you wrap your lips around the tip again and take it fully into. your mouth, using your tongue to lick the leaking slit like you’d seen in films you certainly shouldn’t have watched. You watched as his lips moved but you were too focused on the way your own stretched around him to hear any of the words he was saying. You felt his hand that was on the back of your head pushing against it, taking more of him into your mouth. You could only hope that what you were doing was good, that you were pleasing him in a way he deserved. You wished you could hear the way you were making him feel but you had to rely on the way his hand gripped the back of your head and the look in his eyes. You vaguely can hear the confessional door shut and footsteps walking away from the two of you. You pulled up, staring up at him expectantly.

“You’re doing so well, how about you keep going?” He asks when the door to the church shuts and you nod eagerly, fueled by the praise he had given you. You take his cock back into your mouth and finally you hear a deep grunt fall from his lips and land right between your thighs. You test out a small moan, letting your lips vibrate against him which brought out another moan from the man above you. You were sure you could die and go to Heaven…well if you weren’t already fairly sure sucking off your Priest in the confession box took away your invitation there. Though his moans may be the most heavenly sound to grace your ears and you wanted to be the one to elicit such sounds from him forever. Soon the booth was full of the noise of your mouth working his cock, having ventured down further to take as much of him as you could, his hand helping you stroke the rest of his length as you did so. “Such a good girl.” He would mutter, the hand not gripping your hair brushing across your forehead and down your cheek, admiring the way they hollowed to take him in. You felt his hips stutter against your hands and glance up at him with a questioning gaze. He nods in response, looking like he was about to ask you a question but stopped himself. You pull off slowly, keeping your lips close enough to brush against the tip as you speak. “You can come in my mouth..” You whisper before wrapping your lip back around him once more. That seemed to elicit the response you wanted from him as you hear his moans speed up and his hand grip your head the hardest he had yet. You pause your movements just long enough to let him maneuver his hips up to thrust into your mouth, once, twice, three times and he was letting out a string of whimpers as your mouth filled with his cum, struggling to keep it all in.

Once he was seemingly done, you take your time licking up his length to clean him up, planting a soft kiss on the head before sitting back on your knees and wiping your mouth with a thumb. You look up at him with a proud but shy smile, watching as he tucks himself back into his pants and lean back against the wall. There was evident struggle behind his eyes, one you could tell was from fighting himself over what had just happened and if he was strong enough to stop it. He reaches forward to pull you up, helping you sit on his lap and face him. He pushes some of your hair back out of your eyes when his own land on your now extra plump lips. After what felt like a minute, he was pulling you close to press your lips together. Your heart raced even more than it had being on your knees for him and you let your hands lay on his chest as the kiss deepened. You took note to remember how his facial hair felt against your skin, the pattern of his now calmed breathing, even the way the fingers on his left hand fidgeted as you kissed. Your skin burned where he held you and you were sure you could stay there forever. Unfortunately for both of you, you needed some air. No words were shared as you both caught your breath, chests rising and falling in time with each other. Suddenly there was a loud ringing and you realized it was your phone, your mom calling you specifically. You compose yourself before answering, letting her know you’d be home for dinner soon but leaving out the specifics of where you had been. You knew she wouldn’t be upset that you went to confess but you were sure if she asked you about it later you’d have no way to hide the flush on your cheeks as you reminisced.

“I better go..” You speak, staring at your priest with a small pout on your face. His thumb finds your bottom lip, rubbing softly to rid you of the sour expression you held. “Go see your family, it’s important.” He says and you nod, opening the door before stepping out into the empty church with him behind you. You saunter towards the front doors before turning on your heel to face him, twiddling your thumbs a bit “Thank you, Father.” You says sweetly, leaning up and kissing his cheek before quickly turning to leave the building. He watches you as you make your way towards your car, shaking his head a bit. He signs the cross as he walks inside, heading straight to his prayer cabinet to repent for his sins and the ones he was already thinking about committing with you.

[soulofapatrick]

Feel the Same Way - Tommy Miller x Reader

Summary: “Tommy fucking the reader from behind at the tipsy bison behind the bar counter”

Words: 1.9k

Warning: Smut (p in v) oral F!receiving; fluff; somewhat established relationship

Notes: requested by the lovely @thesapphirequeen​

Y/N’s POV

Jesse and I are make it through the gates, the snow pelting us and prickling our skin as if we weren’t bundled up in layers. Everything aches and burns as I slide from Indiana’s back, my gelding snapping his hooves into the icy snow as if telling me to hurry the fuck up and get him to his stable. He does what I call his happy ‘tippy-tappies’ when I pull his rein from over his neck so I can lead him to his stable where he can be untacked and bedded down for the night by Charlotte - our head stable manager. 

Other than Jesse, Ellie and Dina I’d say Charlotte has to be one of my best friends. We’ve grown close as I like to spend my free time helping her in the stables which is how I got my drama queen of a gelding, I helped birth him and voila he’s now mine. Charlotte helped me integrate into society after being somewhat quite feral when arriving to Jackson. I liked spending my time with the horses as I found them predictable and Charlotte wouldn’t engage me in conversation unless I asked first. She’s a hard to miss figure, being around 5ft 8 with red, shoulder-length hair that gently hangs over her round, radiant face. Lidded blue eyes, set deep within their sockets, always watch delightedly over the horses as if this is the only place she really feels at home. She’s got a scar reaching from just under her right eyebrow , running towards the other eye and ending on her left cheek and she wears it with pride. There's something different about her, maybe her bravery or her sense of camaraderie but people will boast about how well they know her. 

Charlotte takes one look at me and Jesse, letting out a sympathetic sound before she takes our horses off of us and sends us on our way into town with a gentle goodbye. The cold tries to push her way through my layers upon layers of clothing, clawing at any bare skin she can find as the town has begun to quieten for the night. 

Usually I’d head straight home and fall into bed but the dimming lights of the Tipsy Bison seem to draw me in and I’m turning to my best friend, “I’m gonna get a drink, I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

“Alright Birdie, see you tomorrow.” Jesse hugs me tightly, pressing a kiss to my hair as I lightly grumble at the nickname. Everyone started calling me Birdie not long after I arrived to Jackson as they realised how much of a flight risk I was, always getting past the walls to be found not too far away. It was Joel of all people who gave me the nickname and it seemed to have stuck so to everyone in Jackson I am Birdie and not Y/N. I should be upset that no-one uses my real name but honestly? I’m just happy I’m close enough to people for them to even think about giving me a nickname. 

The Tipsy Bison is empty when I step through the swing doors, the fairy lights dimmed and the music playing softly in the background. It’s past closing time so either of the Miller brothers are probably closing up which means they won’t mind if I grab myself a drink from behind the bar. My footsteps seemingly echo as I drop my pack and coat to make my way around the bar, grabbing a glass and pouring myself some whiskey. Fuck, the members of Jackson know how to make their whiskey: it’s rich and full with hints of vanilla and something smokey, it’s smooth and slides down easily as it heats me from the inside out. I pour myself a second glass, not hearing anyone until a familiar body is pressed against mine and that low southern drawl is sending shivers down my spine, “Who said you could just help yourself now darlin’?”

“Tommy,” His name is like a breath of fresh air as it falls from my lips, his large hands planting themselves on my hips and pulling my back flush against his chest. I lean my head back on his shoulder, tangling my fingers through his messy and loose curls while bringing my lips close to his before whispering, “I missed you.” 

He seems to soften, a gentle smile sliding onto those pretty lips that I have missed before he’s closing the distance and kissing me. It’s slow and sensual, not what I was expecting from him with where we are and how hard he feels against the swell of my arse, a growl slipping out when I press my hips back into his. He swipes his tongue against my bottom lip, asking to deepen the kiss so I part my lips for him, tugging at his curls and drawing a low groan from him. One of Tommy’s hands is moving around my hip to pop the button on my jeans with ease before he dives his hand in with no warning. The rough pads of his fingers are swiping through my wet folds until they bump against my clit with a gasp that he swallows. 

I should be telling Tommy to stop when he breaks the kiss to tug my jeans and underwear down my legs, telling him to wait until he’s finished closing up as anyone could technically walk through those swing doors but I can’t. The protest gets stuck in my throat when he sinks to his knees, helping me step out of both before planting himself on the floor between my legs. ‘Fuck me this man is going to be the death of me’ I can’t help but think when he parts my glistening folds before delving in and eating me like a starved man. Tongue swirling around my sensitive nub before he’s shoving it as deep as he can into my aching core, a small scream escaping my lips as my hands fly to his hair. I think my eyes roll back into my head when he wiggles his tongue and his nose bumps my clit, eating me out like there’s not tomorrow and that familiar pressure is already building up. 

“T-tommy!” I’m moaning, tugging on his hair almost painfully but by the sounds that are leaving his throat and vibrating up my spine, leaving me lightheaded, I’d say he enjoys it. The smirk on those pretty pink lips has me wanting to smack him but all my body can do is grind down onto his face as his hands grip my ass tightly, keeping him buried between my legs. His hands on my ass also means I can’t squirm away when it starts to all feel too much, the tightness in my core snapping and I’m gushing. Tommy’s tongue not stopping once until I’m whining from oversensitivity. 

“Fuck darlin’, didn’t know you could do that.” I can hear the smirk in his tone as he pulls himself to his feet while I’m leant forwards, letting my forehead rest on my arms against the bar as I try to catch my breath and stop my legs from giving way. His belt clinks and the familiar sound of his zipper has me wet again at the thought of him hard and how wrecked he looks. Those calloused hands are gripping my hips tightly and pulling me backwards, a sharp gasp leaving me as I’m suddenly full, my hands flailing and knocking my empty glass to the floor. His body covers mine, lips pressing sweet but sloppy kisses to my shoulder as he bottoms out, giving me time to adjust as no matter how many times Tommy and I hook up I will never get used to how big he is. 

The tip is already brushing against that spongy spot inside and his hands find mine on the bar, intertwining our fingers together as he begins to slowly, teasingly, roll his hips in a circular motion. I’m pushing back against him, needing more and he’s chuckling before he pulls his hips back and slamming into me, causing me to cry out. His lips begin leaving hickeys across any bare skin he can get to as he sets a steady rhythm, hitting that spot that makes me see stars with every thrust. I feel like I’m floating, the hard wood of the bar barely felt where it’s smacking against my hips with every thrust, knowing it’ll leave a bruise but that’s for future me to deal with. 

“T-tommy,” I’m whining, the coil in my core beginning to tighten, and he’s soothing me, hands moving to my hips and chest leaving my back so he can speed the pace. We’re close, my walls fluttering around his twitching dick buried inside of me as he returns to grinding his hips instead, leaving me breathless and oh so close to the edge. 

“That’s it sugar,” Tommy coos, one hand moving around my hip to find that sensitive bud and I’m jerking backwards, pulling him even deeper than before, “Oh shit, fuck darlin’!” I can feel him pulsing and he’s trying to pull out but I’m clenched around him so snug and tight he doesn’t have enough will power to do it. I should be worried and angry that I’m currently full of his seed but when the rough pads of his fingers begin circling my clit all thoughts leave me, my legs clamping shut and my body falling forwards against the bar again as the coil snaps and I’m clenching around him. He’s holding me in place despite the hiss of pain that leaves his lips until I’m spent and the only thing holding me up is the bar and Tommy’s hands. 

I feel so empty when he pulls out, unable to move as the mixture of our orgasms begin slipping down my already slippery thighs but gentle hands are cleaning me up with a warm rag. Then I’m being helped back into my underwear and jeans, turned to face the raven haired man who is smiling softly as me, cupping my face in his hands before he ducks his head to kiss me. The kiss is gentle and full of emotions I don’t want to try and decipher so I just sink into it, feeling his broad and strong chest under my palms and the pillowy softness of his lips on mine until we have to part for air. Tommy’s leading me back around the bar, sitting me on one of the stools before beginning to finish up closing the bar. 

“You know I think me ’n you should date Birdie,” Tommy speaks from behind the bar where he’s sweeping up the shattered glass. 

“Really?” I think I stop breathing as I’ve been in love with the younger Miller since he introduced himself to me. I was willing to take these hook ups as it was the closest I’d ever get to being his in my mind, “You want to date me?”

“Y/N,” He uses my real name, coming around the bar to stand in front of me, cupping my cheek in his hand and making me look at him, “These were never just hookups to me darlin’.” 

“Oh?” 

“Hell nah. So…?”

“So?”

“Will you me my girlfriend?” 

“Hell yes.”    

------------

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[brunchable]

2319 Chapter 8 — Tell Her About It || Young!S.S × F!Reader.

Word Count: 6.4K Genre: Young love, Diary entry, Flashbacks A/N: Inspired by the Korean Drama '2521' There is a monologue from a movie that I really loved and I incuded it here ;) hope ya'll enjoy.

“Don’t even think about it,” Donna said firmly to her older brother when she pulled him aside to have a private chat.

Stephen snorted at the way Donna was speaking to him, “Just because you think you’re (Y/N)'s best friend doesn’t mean that you speak for her.” 

Donna took a deep sigh, nodding slowly before she placed both hands on her hips, “How about this then? I know you and there is no way in hell that I’m letting an asshole like you near her.” 

“So, let me get this straight. I’m good enough to be your brother, but not date (Y/N)?” 

“Exactly. Glad we’re on the same page.” 

“Why is that exactly?” Stephen arches his brows, challenging Donna’s protectiveness over you.

“Because you sleep around, don’t care about any of the women you've been with or fucked, and then treat them all like shit. I’m not letting you do that to (Y/N). She deserves a nice guy.” 

“Oh, like who?” Stephen snorted, barely held back his temper. “I’m not interested in her like that. She’s a friend, nothing more.”

“Yeah, okay. Cause it's normal to kiss your friends torridly. Keep telling yourself that, Stephen. Anyone with two working eyes can tell that you’re getting ready to pounce.” 

“That’s bullshit and you know it. If I wanted her like that, I would have had her by now,” he said through gritted teeth. 

“Yeah, whatever,” Donna mumbled. 

“She’s a grown woman. If she wants to go out with me she can. You have no say in the matter.” 

“We’ll see,” she said, knowing if Stephen tried anything she’d beat the shit out of her brother, "And if she does, then you better sort out your shit and make sure your actions and feelings aren't led by your loins. You know you're going back to New York and she's staying here. Don't lead her on if you don't have plans on pursuing her." 

With that, Donna walks away from Stephen and goes into the dining hall to join the group for dinner.

Later on, Stephen watched you and Donna who was on a different table, probably discussing what happened, just like she did with him. Donna said something to you, who nodded before she left for what he presumed was the bathroom. 

Donna have been gone for only two minutes when a snooty boy-looking type in a pink polo shirt with a half top, pony-tail beelined toward you with a determined expression. 

Stephen's shoulders tensed. He rose from his seat right as Onion Boy reached you and whispered something in your ear. 

"What—why are you standing?" Alex asked Stephen, clueless as to why he was standing. His back was facing you.

You shook your head, but he didn’t leave. Something dark unfurled in Stephen's stomach. If there was one thing he hated, it was men who couldn’t take a fucking hint. 

You were approached by Onion Boy. You quickly removed your arm from his grasp before he could make physical contact with you, and then you spoke again, this time with a more stern expression on your face. His features contorted into an unpleasant scowl as he frowned. Once more, he attempted to grab you, but Stephen stood in the way, preventing him from doing so. 

“Is there a problem?” Stephen stared down at him. 

Onion Boy oozed the entitlement of someone who wasn’t used to hearing no thanks to Daddy’s money, and he was either too stupid or too arrogant to realize that Stephen was two seconds away from rearranging his face so thoroughly a plastic surgeon wouldn’t be able to fix it. 

“No problem. I was just asking her to join our table.” Onion Boy eyed Stephen like he was thinking of taking him on. Definitely stupid. 

“I don’t want to join you at your table.” you stepped around Stephen and stared Onion Boy down yourself. “I already told you twice. Don’t make me tell you a third time.” 

Onion Boy’s ugly scowl remained, but he was outnumbered, and he knew it. He shuffled off, muttering “Stupid cunt” under his breath as he did so. Judging by the way your cheeks pinkened, you heard him. 

Unfortunately for him, so did Stephen. He hadn't even moved two feet before Stephen grabbed him so firmly that he made him yelp out in pain. It would only take one strategic turn of his wrist for him to break his arm, but Stephen didn't want to make a commotion, so he got lucky. For now. 

“What did you say?” A dangerous edge bled into Stephen’s voice. 

You and Stephen weren’t each other’s favourite people, but that didn’t make it okay for anyone to call you names. Not under his watch. It was a matter of principle and basic fucking decency. 

“N-nothing.” Onion Boy’s puny brain had finally caught up with the situation, and his face reddened with panic. 

“I don’t think it was nothing.” Stephen tightened his hold, and the Onion boy whimpered in pain. “I think you used a very bad word to insult my friend here.” 

Friend. He draws the line. . . again.

Another tightening, another whimper. “And I think you better apologise before the situation escalates. Don’t you?” Stephen didn’t need to spell out what escalates meant. 

“I’m sorry,” Onion boy mumbled to you, who blinked back at him with an icy expression. You didn’t respond. 

“I didn’t hear you,” Stephen said. Onion Boy’s eyes flashed with hate, but he wasn’t stupid enough to argue. 

“I’m sorry,” he said louder. 

“For what?” 

“For calling you a…” He shot a fearful look in Stephen's direction, “For calling you a bad name.” 

“And?” Stephen prompted. 

His brow creased in confusion. 

Stephen's smile contained more threat than humour. “Say, ‘I’m sorry for being a limp-dicked bastard who doesn’t know how to respect women.’” he thought he heard you choke back a small laugh, but you were focused on Onion Boy’s reaction. 

Stephen had the distinct impression that Onion Boy wanted to punch him with his free hand, and Stephen almost desired that he would. It would be hilarious to watch him make an effort to get to his face. In addition to being dwarfed by Stephen, who towered above him by at least eight inches, Onion Boy had shrimp arms.

“I’m sorry for being a limp-dicked bastard who doesn’t know how to respect women.” Resentment poured off him in waves. 

“Do you accept his apology?” Stephen asked you, “If you don’t, I can take this outside.” 

Onion Boy paled. You tilted your head, your face pensive, and another shadow of a smile ghosted Stephen's mouth.

“I suppose,” you finally said in the tone of someone who was doing someone else a huge favour. 

Stephen's amusement tempered some of the anger running hot in his veins at Onion Boy’s earlier comment. 

“You got lucky.” Stephen released him. 

“If I ever see you bothering her or another woman again…” He lowered his voice, “You might as well learn how to do everything left-handed because your right one will be out of commission. Permanently. Now leave.” 

Stephen didn’t have to tell him twice. Onion Boy fled, his pink shirt bobbing in the crowd until he disappeared out the exit. Good riddance. 

“Thank you,” you said and smiled shyly at him.

“Sorry that took so long!” Donna returned with Paris following. “The line at the bathroom was insane.” Her eyes roved between you and Stephen. 

“Everything okay?” 

“Yes. Your brother was keeping me company while you were gone,” you said without missing a beat. 

“Really?” Donna arched an eyebrow. “How nice of him.” 

Neither Stephen nor you took the bait. You glanced at Stephen, and your eyes locked for a split second before you looked away. His hand flexed on his thigh, "Well, I better get back with the boys then."

Stephen glared at Donna who was glaring back at him. Why is she acting like a fence around you? It wasn’t his fault there was attraction between you. Stephen sat back with the boys and this time sat beside Alex.

"Damn, bro. You looked so cool back there. Teach me some moves." Alex patted Stephen's shoulder, while Robbie was smirking to himself since he bore witness to that kiss as well.

"Yeah. Dopey didn't stand a chance." Robbie commented before taking a swig of his beer. 

Stephen pointedly narrowed his eyes at Robie since he was getting the hint that he was teasing him, "You saw that at the same time as I did. You could've intervened as well."

"I could but why would I? You're here." Robbie smiles and shrugs, "So! Alex? You haven't told us anything about you yet. You're a hockey player?"

"Yep. I live and breathe on the ice. I've been playing for the Polar Bears since I started college." Alex’s eyes lit up at the subject of his passion. It has come to Stephen’s attention that he didn’t know anything about Alex. Not that he wants to know whether you and him have anything in common. 

"Wait, how old are you?" Stephen asked.

"Twenty-two. Turning twenty-three in August." 

"You're three months older than me!?" Stephen's eyes widened, "I thought you were younger."

"Why? Cause I act childish?" Alex chuckles, swirling his beer bottle around.

"Yeah, pretty much." Stephen shrugs.

"So do you want to become a professional hockey player?" Sebastian changed the subject back to ice hockey.

"Yeah. I mean, I am great at it. To play a game I love while tapping into my inner toddler which is to hit, smash and shove then get paid millions of dollars after? Yes please." Alex paused, "I mean, I used to figure skate when I was younger like my Dad but then stupid kids, being kids, I was teased so I decided to do Ice hockey instead—at least then I'm still on ice."

"You must get a lot of attention with the ladies then?" Sebastian surmised in a teasing tone which made Alex crack into laughter, "You got a girlfriend?"

He shakes his head, "Nah. Don't have time."

"Interested in anyone?" Robbie asks.

"Hmmm," Alex smiles to himself as if he was thinking of the person in his mind, then looks up to meet everyone's gaze, "Maybe." 

▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ 

“Look, I’ll stay on my side and you stay on your side. We’ll both sleep. Problem solved.” 

Stephen put a pillow between him and Alex, “Don’t cross this line.” 

“Afraid you won’t be able to keep your hands off of me?” Alex teased. Stephen rolled his eyes and dropped back onto the pillow. 

“Just so you know, anything that comes over this way will be chopped off.” 

“Duly noted,” Alex said, snuggling deeper into his sleeping bag. 

“Oh, and if you snore I’ll kill you in your sleep,” Stephen mumbled. 

“Ditto.”

Six hours later - July 25 1999

“Stupid pillow, stupid Alex,” Stephen muttered, trying to punch his once comfy pillow into submission. 

This night was possibly the worst night of sleep he'd ever experienced in his entire life. He'd been tossing and turning in his sleep the whole night. He had spent most of the night attempting to find a comfortable position, but by the time it was five in the morning, he had finally fallen into a restless slumber.

He lifted his arm, checked his wrist watch and groaned. It's only been five minutes since. He buried his face into his pillow and screamed. This sucked! He was so tired. It had gotten to the point where he and Alex would take turns punching and kicking each other whenever their individual snores jolted them awake. If there was a record of how many times someone could say, 'dude, shut the fuck up.' in one night, they'll be able to make it into the Guinness world book of records.

0930hrs - July 29 1999

“Ah, guys?” Sebastian said. 

Alex buried his face deeper into the warmth while he tried to block out Sebastian and the sunlight streaming into the tent. 

“Go away Seb,” he muttered. 

“I’m hungry. Let’s go grab some breakfast, we’re the only ones left here,” Seb said, a little louder this time, earning a groan from Alex's cushion of warmth. 

“Get lost. We’re sleeping,” Stephen mumbled as he pulled his pillow above his head to block the light and the noise.

"It's your fault I'm so tired—you snore like a freight train." Alex lazily blamed Stephen for his lack of sleep.

"Actually both of you snore like a freight train." Seb pointed out.

"Why is he still here? The hell. . ." Stephen said, his raspy voice muffled by his pillow. He waved Seb off to go, "You go ahead, we'll follow."

Sebastian sighs unhappily, "Fine."

Both boys fell into deep sleep for a couple more hours before Donna finally took it upon herself to wake her brother and Alex up with an airhorn the camp conveniently has. Donna turned her head away as she pressed the button releasing the god-awful noise.

"I'M AWAKE!" Alex bolted up at the same time as Stephen.

"Good, both of you hurry up and get ready! We were supposed to go to Lamington falls an hour ago!" Donna nagged while bending down to reach for a pillow and hit Stephen with it to wake him up.

"ALRIGHT!" Stephen snapped and threw the pillow back at Donna.

It took exactly twenty minutes for both Stephen and Alex to get ready and pack some stuff for the hike to Lamington falls. They wore their swimming trunks underneath their pants.

▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ 

July 25 1999

I'm trying very hard not to think and remember him gazing at the sunset on our own private hike. I’m trying not to think too deeply about the time when he shared his favourite place with me, alone. This is the third time we kissed, I knew we'd get caught sooner or later—but what is there to catch? 

Stephen hasn't said anything, I don't know whether he kisses me just because or maybe there's more. I don't know and I'm kind of scared to find out. I don't want to ruin our friendship.

Donna had a chat with me last night at dinner. She emphasised that she wasn't fully against it but did tell me to be cautious. I guess I should listen because she does know her brother more than me. She didn’t go into full detail but she said Stephen has broken many hearts. I wouldn't be surprised, Stephen is tall, handsome and charming. 

Then again, apart from being annoying—Stephen has been nothing but kind. He helped me get inspired, he encouraged me with my dreams and well. . . he protected me—god he looked so hot showing that dude a lesson. He did draw the line again, reminding me that I'm his friend. Which is true but friends don't just kiss right?

▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎

You peered up at the trees, you watched the cool, blue sky glow brighter against a lacework of full branches, abundant with leaves, sunlit and dancing in the soft breeze. Donna had set-up a blanket just on the stony side of the creek which at the end of it was a tiered waterfall. Alex brought his cassette player and a few of his mixtapes which he set up to play in high volume. 

Alexandrei's 80s Summer Mixtape: Madonna - Material Girl Rick Springfield - Jessie's Girl Tiffany - I Think We're Alone Now The Knack - My Sharona Michael Sembello - Maniac Queen - Under Pressure INXS - Need You Tonight Don Henley - The Boys of Summer Wham! - Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go Tears for Fears - Head Over Heels

The falls was about six metres high and there was a massive tree just by the cliff, attached to it was a rope which people used  to swing out before diving into the deep pool below. Boys being boys, they already went ahead and joined the short line to use the rope for a dive. While waiting, Stephen could hear The Boys of Summer playing and found himself nodding to the beat. 

To be fair, Alex does have a great taste for music. Stephen thought.

Donna sat beside you, putting sunscreen all over arms and legs, she wore a red one piece with a low back, she still wore her shorts since Stephen wouldn't stop making a fuss about her swimsuit. 

 Paris did not have any problems showing off her figure; in fact, it is possible that she wore the skimpiest and most scandalous bikini she owns. Paris may have moved more slowly than usual and added an additional sway to her hips as she walked by the boys to go to the area next to you and Donna. If Donna had the ability to roll her eyes in all angles, she would do so because of this.

You smiled broadly and gave Donna a playful tap on the arm when she pretended to vomit while she was looking away from Paris, "Stop, just let her be. She might see you."

"So? I don't care." Donna rolls her eyes again. You shook your head and took the sunscreen from Donna.

"Here. I'll put sunscreen on your back." You smiled and squeezed some lotion onto your hands before smearing it all over your friend's back.

Paris lowered her sunglasses and noticed that you were still wearing your oversized t-shirt and shorts then sneered, "What's the point of wearing a two-piece when you're not even going to take your clothes off?" 

Donna whipped her head towards Paris and you squeezed her shoulder then you whispered, "Don't respond."

"Over my dead body." She whispered then turned her attention back to Paris with a sarcastic smile, "You know Paris. . .you remind me of the end pieces of a loaf of bread. Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you." 

Paris scoffed, offended by what Donna has said, "I don't understand what Robbie sees in you. You're plainer than an unsalted pretzel."

"Aww, it’s so cute when you try to talk about things you don’t understand. Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth."

You turn your head away to laugh and it wasn’t hard for Paris to notice since your shoulder couldn't stop shaking. Her face looked like she wanted to strangle Donna right there but can't because she's interested in Stephen.

"What are you laughing at, toothpick?" She rolled her eyes at both of you and called you names. How nice and for your information, I am not a toothpick. I can strangle you with my thick thighs if I have too. I'm a figure skater, stupid b—

"Donna, do you mind holding onto this?" You passed the tube to Donna and stood up.

"S-sure." Donna held onto it, unsure but anticipating what you're about to do next. 

You lift the bottom of your shirt up and over your head, exposing a blue and white hemmed bra top, and then you throw your shirt on the ground while continuing to stare intensely at Paris.

Alex had to take a second look to be sure he wasn't delirious, and in his perplexity, he whacked Sebastian on the arm with the back of his hand multiple times.

"What?" Sebastian turned around and arched his brow, wondering why Alex looks like a deer in headlights. He followed his gaze and saw you shoving your shirt on the ground, "Holy smokes. . . She has abs?" 

"Everyone has abs, dipshit." Alex replied like he was under some hypnotic spell.

Stephen did a 180 to find out who the lads were staring at with their mouths gaping while they were in line since they weren't moving forwards.

You unbuttoned your shorts and pulled them off as well, folding it twice before chucking it over your shirt. Donna had the biggest proud smile on her face as you sat back down beside her.

"Well," Donna cleared her throat, "I guess it's my turn to put sunscreen on you."

Stephen's gaze lingered on the bare expanse of your long, smooth legs before he tore it away, his jaw tightening. He had dated plenty of beautiful women before, but when he saw you for the first time, he’d reacted in a way he never had for a girl. Blood heating, heart raising, hands itching to find out how your hair would feel wrapped around his fist. It’d been visceral, unexpected, and almost enough to make him walk away especially how you became his sister's friend because taking interest in you would only end in a disaster.

"Damn it, I'm going to offer myself to put lotion on her." Sebastian announced in a heartbeat but before he could even get far, Stephen and Alex got a hold of him. Stephen pinched his ear while Alex held his arm, "Ah-Ah-Ah! Let go, let go."

"Oh no you don't." Stephen told Sebastian.

Alex and Stephen exchanged looks of, 'the hell are you doing?'

"Okay! Okay! I won't!" Sebastian spat out, trying his best not to move a muscle, "You guys can come with me and we can all offer ourselves to her." Sebastian laughed but it was short lived when Stephen twisted his ears.

"No, we're going to take a dive." Alex smiles, "Right now, I suddenly have the urge to help you push off the cliff."

Stephen and Alex exchange looks again, their eyes flicking back and forth to the cliff. Both of them scheming to throw Sebastian into the pool below, nodding at each other.

"W-what are you two plotting?!" Sebastian whipped his head left and right, trying to figure out what both older boys were planning for him, "Wait, brothers! Let's talk this through!"

The older boys dragged Sebastian towards the edge of the cliff, "It's been nice knowing you Sebastian." Stephen said in a sad tone.

"Wait! Wait! They said the water is cold! Wait!" Sebastian laughed as a defence mechanism and screamed when Alex and Stephen threw him off. A big splash came after and both Alex and Stephen were holding their stomachs from laughing too much. 

"How's the water Seb?!" Stephen shouted.

"Fuck you guys! It's so cold!!" Sebastian shouted back and swam towards the edge of the pool to head back up there.

"That's good! It helps with keeping your dick shrunk!" Alex shamelessly commented which earned a surprising laugh from Stephen, "So. . . Stevey. . ."

Stephen barely even turned around when Alex pushed him off the cliff, "Alex! I'm gonna kill you!—" SPLASH.

This time it was Alex and Sebastian who were laughing. Stephen rose to the surface and combed his hair back before raising his middle finger to Alex.

Meanwhile the latter just sent him flying kisses before running off towards you and the girls. Sunlight streamed through the clouds and illuminated his sculpted frame, casting his perfectly carved chest and abs in a pale glow.

"Here comes pretty boy." Donna smirks as she sees Alex and nudges you. 

You allowed your eyes to quickly and discreetly run over his rather impressive chest and a set of abs that most men would kill for. Christ almighty. 

Your eyes moved back up to his face. His dark eyes lock with yours and the way his mouth curls up into a soft, toothy smile, and the way his dimples denting his cheeks, makes it hard for anyone to look away from him. He runs a free hand through the hair hanging loosely over his forehead and then waves at you.

Paris, who thought Alex was waving at her, waves back with a flirtatious smile on her lips. When Alex got closer, he noticed that she was staring at him and flashes a smile. He walks past the girl and takes the seat next to you.

"Sup ladies. Enjoying the sun?"

You and Donna smile back at Alex, "Yeah. The breeze is cool and the trees make a perfect shade. So we're just going to relax."

"All of you should join us over there, the water is refreshing—you know what? We should take photos!" Alex snaps his fingers at the idea and grabs his bag and pulls his Nikon camera out, "Come on! Let's go. I'll call the guys."

“Sure.” You and Donna smiled at each other and followed Alex but turned stopped when Paris wasn’t following, “You should join too, Paris.”

Paris turned her head and said nothing. But she got up and followed right behind you, still doing that walk she was doing—to attract the attention of the boys around. Stephen, who got pushed off the cliff not too long ago was stomping his way back up. 

You weren’t paying attention to the boys undressing before because you were too busy reading a book but when Stephen emerged from the rocks, you immediately lost the ability to breathe. Good God who takes away the sins of the world, forgive me for the thoughts that would soon come after. 

Broad shoulders, perfectly sculpted muscles, abs one could grate cheese on. Absolute masculine perfection and a deep V cut arrowed toward what—based on what you’d felt when he came on top of you that night you kissed in your room—was a very impressive package. Your core pulsed as your eyes ate him up—and you were sure that you weren’t the only one. In your peripheral vision, Paris tucked a hair behind her ear and bit her bottom lip.

“Alex you back-stabbing weasel. . .” Stephen trailed off when Alex came with you, Donna and Paris right behind him.

“Hey Steve-o! I got my camera. Why don’t you go back down, tell Seb and Rob to stay and we’ll take a photo by the falls.” Alex shook the Nikon camera in his hand and smiled, completely ignoring the fact that Stephen wanted to kill him just a second ago.

“Yeah. Sure.” Stephen took one good glance at you before heading back down. 

“Watch your step ladies, the stairs are uneven.” Alex warned and helped the three of you down the biggest step down. Alex was right behind you while descending down and called out your name, “Hey (Y/N).”

You turn around, “Yeah?” Click. Flash.

Alex smiles as he removes his eyes from the peephole, “Candid. Always the best ones.”

“You and Donna think the same.” You shake your head at him, “You guys should wear a warning label of  ‘I take photos without warning.’”

“I heard that.” Donna said while carefully holding onto the man-made rail, “I’d give you a high-five Alex but I don’t want to slip and crack my head.”

“It’s okay. We high-fived in my head.”

When Donna reached the bottom, Alex called her and did the same thing and took a candid photo of her. Donna was prepared though, it was like muscle memory for her to pose for a photo and to be fair, you’ve never seen a bad photo of her. Not even her school photos.

Alex gathered the group just by the shore of the pool, making sure that he could still see the falls in the background. Then he asked a stranger to kindly take the photo while also positioning the stranger's angles so they could get the photo right.

 Alex ran to your left side while Stephen was on the right. Paris clung to Stephen’s arm just as the stranger snapped the photo to which Stephen awkwardly pulled his arm away after.

After taking individual and dual photos, all of you went back up the stairs, “Ladies, you should try cliff jumping! It’s exhilarating!”

"Meh, might as well, we've taken photos anyway!" Donna shrugs and joins the boys into the line then turns back to you, "(Y/N), you coming?"

"Er. . . I don't know. Is it high?" You asked.

"A little bit, but the pool below is deep, so you don't need to worry about hitting the bottom." Robbie answered your question, "We've had plenty of turns, you girls should go first."

"I think I'll sit this one down," You laugh sheepishly after taking a peak of the pool from all the way up.

"Oh stop being a wuss and just do it, we're here to have fun." Paris rolls her eyes and walks towards you. You opened your mouth to say something but she pushed you off. 

You screamed as gravity pulled you down and you took a large breath before you felt the cold temperature of the water surrounding your skin.

"What the hell Paris?!" Donna snapped, "She clearly said she didn't want to! Gosh you're such a bitch!" (TW: drowning)

Donna and Paris began arguing to the point where the boys had to keep them away from each other and didn't notice that you were kicking and clawing at the water above you.

You gasped for air, as you burst from the surface, "I can't—" Your lungs screamed for breath, and you pant desperately, "I can't swim!" 

Alex and Stephen turned their heads at the same time. However Alex acted much quicker than he did.

"(Y/N)!" Alex panicked when he heard your plea and dived without hesitation.

"Oh my god! (Y/N)!" Donna screams and runs towards the stairs and realises that Stephen was already way ahead of her.

Robbie looked at Paris and shook his head, visibly mad and disappointed, "Way to go, Paris."

The water felt like a sinkhole that dragged you down faster than quicksand with every movement that you made. Breathing was not an option. You felt a longing, longing like you had never dreamed before. It was an ache in your chest, one different to the pain it was causing you not to breathe. Pain shot through you like an arrow as your muscles grew tiresome and a cramp formed on your leg. You yelped in pain by accident, causing you to swallow the water.

Water. All you saw now was water. It rushed past you, bubbles flying over your head. You found yourself feeling jealous towards the bubbles as they floated to the surface. You kept holding your breath. Your body was dead weight, impossible to move.

Relief washed over you when you felt Alex's arms wrap around your waist and you felt the surge of water against the crown of your head as Alex threaded through the water, his long arms slicing through the liquid blue and eventually pulled you into the surface.

The first thing you did was take in a big, gasping breath, letting every ounce of sweet, sweet air enter your lungs, then coughing out heavily as your body's response to take out the foreign water in your trachea. Your legs instinctively wrapped around Alex's waist as he swam you towards the shore of the pool.

"You're okay, (Y/N). You're safe. I got you, I got you." Alex reassured you and tightened his hold around your waist.

The second thing you did was open your eyes, blinking until you can finally see your surroundings: people noticing the commotion, Stephen and Donna and the rest of the group waiting by the shore for you and Alex. You hid your face on the crook of his neck and began to cry silently.

Alex carried you out of the pool, bridal style and Stephen felt that stinging in his chest but ignored it. What he was feeling wasn't important right now. However he was wishing he should've acted faster than Alex. 

Donna rushed to your side, asking if you were hurt anywhere else but you were too scared, too tired to answer her. All you were feeling was this overwhelming feeling of fear. You can't tell this about your parents, or else they won't let you go out anymore. They cannot find out about this.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know–" Paris apologised, guilt painted all-over her face, eyes low on the ground.

"Yeah? Well you should really learn to think before you act, your actions could have cost her, her life." Alex told Paris with eerie calmness as he walked past the group to carry you back up. He could feel you hiding your face, you didn't want to be seen, you were clinging to him so tightly. You didn't want the attention, it was almost as if you felt embarrassed.

Donna only stared Paris down but didn't say anything. She wasn't going to waste anymore energy on her. It wasn't worth it. So she left without a word. 

Stephen forced himself to push the anger aside for now, he had more important things to focus on—but his gaze towards Paris was lethal. 

Instead he turned to Robbie, "Control your step-sister or I will." Stephen's voice sliced through air like lethal blades of ice, his stared lingered as he walked away. 

When he reached the top, he found his sister, Alex and Sebastian packing the things up, "Is there a clinic where we can take her for monitoring? She needs to be monitored for at least eight hours." Stephen said.

"Yeah. We have a nurse on site." Alex replied.

"I'm fine now." You croaked softly.

"No you're not." Stephen retorted, "You're going to stay in the clinic overnight, then we're going back home."

"What? No! We haven't even seen the meteor shower yet." You argued. You weren't going to go here for nothing. The reason you wanted to go in the first place was to see the showers clearly.

"(Y/N) the meteor shower is not important anymore." Stephen sighed.

"Well it is to me. We're staying, if you want to go, then go. You guys have your own car." You snapped at him.

"Alex?" Stephen asked for the latter to back him up.

"Stephen is right—"

"We're staying." You cut him off, your decision was final, "I know my body better than all of you and I said I feel fine, alright?!" 

Alex sighed with a nod, and glanced towards Stephen. There was no arguing with you right now, everyone is on edge, especially you. "Let's just head back to camp." 

Alex hiked his backpack on his shoulders and offered you a hand but you ignored it and stood up by yourself with the towel still wrapped around you.

▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎

The nurse removed the diaphragm of the stethoscope off your back after a thorough auscultation, "Your chest sounds clear, all vital signs are within normal limits. The only thing I can recommend is for you to rest. Maybe avoid bodies of water for now, just to avoid reliving that traumatic experience. "

She hangs the stethoscope over her shoulders, "You can stay here for as long as you like, I'll be in my office if you need me." She smiled and left the room, leaving you alone with Stephen.

From the bench where he sat, he just stared at you intently. So intently that it could probably burn a whole in your face. You averted your head from him. It was slightly irritating you that he’s not saying anything, you wanted to know what he was thinking. Was he upset that you snapped at him earlier on?

"You don't have to stay." You mumbled.

"True, but I want to stay." He replied very quickly.

"Then can you at least stop staring at me?" You asked, quickly glancing at him and sure enough his gaze was still glued to you.

"No, I want to look at you." 

You sighed. What in the world has gotten into him? 

"Oh my god! You can't just sit there and stare at me the whole time." 

"I have been for fifteen minutes already, no doubt I could keep going." He shrugs his shoulders easily. You gave him a perplexed look.

"Nothing is going to happen to me here. Maybe a headache is going to happen if you don't stop acting weird." 

"What if I want to be your headache?"

You chuckle at him and send him a ridiculous look, "Gosh. You already are."

"Good." He stands up and beelines all the way to your bedside. You lightly jerked back at his abrupt movement and anticipated his next move.

"Have I told you,” he said, bending low to his knees on the side of the bed, “how beautiful you are when you smile?”

You smiled then, and though it was the kind of smile that implied you didn't believe him, it still set his heart on fire. 

“Where’s all this coming from?”

“Sometimes when I look at you, I can’t breathe.” his hands moved and held yours. “I can’t think. I can’t function until you look back. And when you give me this smile”—he intertwined his finger in between your spaces—“it’s like a secret just for the two of us."

"Then when are you gonna ask me out, Stephen?" You almost whispered as you stared at your hand that's interlocked with Stephen's.

"I'm just waiting for the right moment." He lifts his gaze to meet yours.

"That's good to know. All right. I think you should leave now." You chuckle once more and tried to remove your hand away but he yanked it back and held onto you tighter.

"I'm waiting for the right moment cause when I ask you out, there's not gonna be any turning back for me. I'm not gonna date anybody else for the rest of my life. I'm not gonna love anybody else for the rest of my life. I'm not gonna really care about anything else for the rest of my life. I'm waiting for the right moment, (Y/N) 'cause when I ask you out, it's gonna be the most important moment of my life. And I just wanna make sure that I get it right." Stephen confessed to you without a single stutter, without looking away. He wanted his words to be seared into your brain. 

Breathless, that's how his words left you. You were the first one to look away before you melt into his gaze, "This feels like the right moment?"

Stephen shakes his head, "No, it's not. We both have things to focus on and things sort out, it's not the right moment, yet."

You chuckle, "Whatever Stephen, just say that you don't like me. You don't have to be nice about it."

"Wrong, It's just not the right moment."

▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ 

Sasha squealed and kicked her blankets as she tore the book away from herself, "Just ask my mom out damn it!!"

Sasha gasps, "Wait. Actually, don’t because I might not exist if you do—but still. . . Sorry Dad, but as of now I'm rooting for the other guy." 

Vanessa entered Sasha's room with a worried look on her face, "Sasha are you alright?"

"Huh? Y-yeah I'm okay." 

"I heard you screaming." 

"Oh I was just reading mom's diary again." Sasha laughed sheepishly.

Vanessa chuckles and nods, "Alright, well keep it down, ladybug. It's ten o'clock." 

"Okie dokie. Sorry Grandma." 

SERIES TAGS: @goldencherriess @lokislov3 @strangesweetheart @mydearalmira @veryladyqueen @seasonofthenerd @artsherlocked @bobateadaydreams @classicrebound @holygalaxyprincess @sobeautifullyobsessed @winsteria @allie131313 @gaitwae @sherlux @the-royal-petals @keistange @omgstarks @evelynrosestuff @withalittlehoney @strangeions @gwephen @cemak @patbrdac @siredlust @downtownshabby @nicoletk @lilithskywalker @youcantseem3 @samisubi @strangelockd @bloodyxsaint @lady-harvey @paola-carter @jotaros-bara-tiddies @delightfulheartdream @strangefilms @strangeobsessed

[electricbluebutterflies]

where this goes

Joel/Tess, PG-ish, also on ao3.

Prompt - resolving a fight by avoiding seeing each other (thank you @seethesunny)

For intents and purposes, Tess is currently living with a ghost.

He’s not gone, exactly. Doesn’t have the sense to do that. But he’s avoiding her, and-

They’ve had fights before. Every couple does – the fact that they’re not formally a couple is, given their level of domestication, probably irrelevant. She’s not sure why this one hit different.

They’ve lived together long enough to have routines, and for the past couple days all of those have been ignored. Honestly, they’re both acting weird, made sense for her to exile herself to the couch because she’s smaller and because she does have the impression that this is probably her fault and-

All she did was point out that he’s a little emotionally repressed. Anyone who’s interacted with that man for two minutes could guess as much, and she’s been basically his handler for a decade not to mention all the other shit they do, and-

The timing wasn’t great, she was drunk, she gets bitchy when she drinks, she knows all the excuses and all of them do apply here, and this is still… not normal for them. What the fuck.

It’s been several days too, which feels like the weird part. A day or so, fine, they both have their moments and she wouldn’t make an issue out of it, but this extended…

She wonders if this will push them apart. (She wonders if anything ever could.)

Eventually she loses patience. Five nights alone, sleeping badly on a couch that really shouldn’t have survived the end of the world, not even looking at each other let alone talking, both of them so unusually mechanical… someone has to break, and somehow that always ends up being her, and-

“If I hurt you, fuckin’ say it,” she hisses. She expects he’ll walk off, expects she’ll get iced out even longer, but dammit she’s tired and might as well escalate again and-

“Needing a little quiet don’t mean-“

“It’s not normal. I can handle whatever you wanna call me as long as it means-“

“You think that’s where this goes?”

She doesn’t, not really. She likes intense men, and she does see that in him, but not like… not like-

“Might feel good.”

“I know you didn’t mean harm,” he says, still out of her reach but a little less tense, a little more hers. “You don’t bite like that.”

A pantheon of probably-dead-now former hookups would disagree with that statement, but-

“You still been avoiding me,” she murmurs. “Tell me how I’m supposed to take that.”

Joel steadies his body, takes a step back and leans against the bedroom doorframe, and even she can’t guess what’s going on under the surface and-

“Thought you’d need time to dry out and calm down.”

“Could’ve told me that.”

“Wasn’t sure you’d hear me.”

He probably has a point, but she’s only giving so much ground here, can’t let him think-

That naturally combative part of her personality sure has caused some problems lately, Tess thinks. Time to try to undo this one.

“I went too far. Didn’t mean to-“

“I know.”

She can’t help thinking this is the part where she should clear the distance and put her arms around him, maybe do something else with her mouth, but she’s not in the mood, and-

“Fine if I curl up around you later?” she asks instead.

“Sleep easier with you.”

Sounds enough like a yes to her…

[fandom-imagination-ss]

Imagine: joel showing off to you

You weren’t a great shot, when you do shoot. It’s 50/50 if you hit the target. The community you lived in. A few of the men have tried to show you, tired to show off. To try to catch your attention you have watched them. Noticed their lame attempts. To “woo” you but nothing about them ever caught your attention. They were all he same. And it was boring. They bored you. So when Tommy’s brother appeared with a kid. Who wasn’t Sara (you asked thinking maybe he was mistaken about her dying.. you seen him lose his Own horse.. in a Pen.. by itself. Anything is possible with Tommy!) but he was basically the guardian / Dad ti this young girl named “Elle” who was unlike anyone in the compound. She was brass. And easily could tell she has seen things. He was older but handsome and Oddly’ he’s cranky behaviour about everything. Interested you.

Joel noticed you instantly. You were cleaning a table close by when he ws sitting down with Tommy and Maria, you weren’t paying attention to them. Joel could tell you had earbuds on. As you were rocking to some sort of music that was low so it wouldn’t disturb anyone. When a young guy near your age appeared you didn’t move your headphones. Until he started talking to you. Joel paid more attention to you vs his brother explaining how he got to Jackson. You Kindly turned down invitation to go to the movies with the guy. Saying he wasn’t your type. When asked what your type you simply said your heart would know when you find thme. And moved away and left the area. Joel figured A Pretty thing liek you probably were beating guys away with a stick. He didn’t see you again until after his fight with Elle at their house they were staying in. You came over. With a welcome basket. Joel was exhusted and he’s limit of the human race was gone. But seeing you holding a “welcome basket” which had thick. Socks, a bottle of their home made liquor in the compound and chapstick for the cold weather. Joel took it stunned as you smiled, “the cold, makes your feet cold, and lips chapped and I personally hate that feeling.. the chapstick was made here. Hey did that girl amke it back alright Elle right?” He nodded his head as he said yea as you smiled, “good. She’s seems like a firecracker. Well your probably tired. IM y/n. I’ll see you tomorrow.” With that you left. Leaving him stunned.

Joel decided to spend a few days at the compound, to rest. It’s been a long journey and figured they both deserved a break. Maria tried to get Elle into a classroom. You swooped in and offered her to help with the animals instead. Even before Joel could agree to it, Elle was gone helping you. Joel and Tommy were walking as he asked about you.

“Y/n is a gem, the biggest sweetheart around, all the single guys are crazy for her.”

Just as he thought, Joel was right. He watched as you showed Elle how to feed the chickens as he spoke, ‘she’s beauitful.”

“yea. I guess, not my type, great friends with Maria. I feel bad for the gal. She isn’t excatly thrilled for the extra attention.”

“Really? I figured she would be used to it.”

Tommy chuckled as he shook his head “dating is pretty limited.. she wont settle.”

Joel nodded his head. As they walked on, that night after the day was done as everyone was having dinner Elle woudln’t shut up about you. Which made you blush saying you weren’t that thrilling. As Elle said oyu were the greatest adult she’s met. Which Made Joel grumble. As you spoke “Oh! It’s the chess tournament tonight!!”

Maria sighed heavily, “why do you put yourself thur that torture? You suck at chess.” You smiled getitng up as you spoke, “because One day. I shall win.. and once i do my ego will never go down.” Joel couldn’t help but chuckle at that as Elle asked to join. You wrapped your arms around hers, saying she had to. She was your partner. Maria had to chase you both down as she tried to explain CHess. Was a team up sort of game.

Tommy grinned weakly as he spoke, “open spot if your interested.” Joel shook his head as he dug. His fork into his potatoes, “No im good..”

“Shame.. Y/N really gets into Chess..’

Before Joel knew it he was joining in on the game. Tommy warned him how you knew the rules of the game, how you were one of the few people who at the beginning knew how to play and you even made your own chess set. But you didn’t have the patience’s for Chess, you leap for the clear move. And normally …. Always get kicked out frist round. A few men have tired to throw the game so you would win. Hoping they would get lucky. But you once realizing they were being awful to humor her. Would get up and leave. You were considered the “warm up” game before a real game. You didn’t mind. You just liked playing and knew One day you woudl beat someone. And you loved seeing peoples minds work as they play. So when you sat down at a chessboard. No one sat across from you. Elle was about to. Until Joel slipped passed her and sat down. You smiled secretly hoping it would be Joel as you set up as he spoke, “you any good?”

chuckling softly you shook your head, “God no im awful.” He chuckled as he was black so he moved his pawn first. “Why. Play?”

you moved yours on the other side of the board, “reminds me of home.. my family- my granddad and dad use to play every Sunday for hours. Trying to beat each other..” Joel moved another pawn as you spoke, “plus it’s a great way to chat with someone. To get to know someone.”

you took his pawn as he spoke, “I’m a little rusty.”

Tommy, Elle, and Maria were watching your match as Tommy chuckled, “he use to kick my ass in this game..”

you smiled as you spoke, “so beware this is going to be a quick game?” Tommy chuckled as Joel said he would be gentle on you. You chuckled saying he better not. And Joel took that as a promise. And within 5 moves. He had your Queen and you were Speechless it came out of No where. Then he had your King and you were stunned as you yelped out, “HOW!” Joel chuckled as Maria spoke, “Shake hands.. traditions.” You always shake after a game. So you shook Joels hand as you felt goosebumps all the way up your arm. And the rest of the night. You watched Joel play. You felt like a group sitting down beside him in complete AW as he whipped the boards off of everyone. Tommy nudged Maria noticing your excitement over the beat downs. When it was over you gave JOel the trophie which was a wooden carven of a knight.

when the night came to a close you walked Joel,and Elle home. Mainly because you lived next to them. As you went inside you said bye as Tommy spoke up once you were gone, “you were showing off.. “

‘No i wasn’t.” Joel snapped as Elle giggled, “I knew it!”

Maria stepped over hugging Elle quickly, as she spoke, “She was So into it. Night Elle.”

Joel was stunned as Elle spoke, “you better ask her out. Dude.”

“get inside.!” He grumbled to Elle’s delight. As Joel looked over to your house. As you had the living room light on as you looked out seeing Joel looking at you as you waved and smiled brightly before going to sit down. That would be a night neither of them would forget for a while.

[joshriku]

thank you @x-populuxe for the tag!

Rules: share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written fewer than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway.

i'm not sure who to tag so if you see this and you're like ohh god i wish i had an excuse to talk about my writing i'm tagging YOU specifically pls do it i love reading fics

there's diversity here i feel. but not that much

the reports of my death are greatly exaggerated (akeshu)

“Hey,” Ren nudges him with his elbow, making Goro look up from his coffee. “It’s the anniversary of your disappearance.”

Sleepily, Goro turns his head to Ren’s phone. He watches him as he blinks, trying to read the bright headline while he’s still trying to wake up. “So it is.”

2. curiosity (quicksilver/human torch) (don't ask) (or actually ask)

No fucking way.

Johnny could play dumb. He could turn away and walk the other way, because Pietro is clearly dressed to not be recognized. It’s pretty obvious because Johnny is dressed the same way. Big hoodie, sunglasses, cap over sunglasses. Sometimes you just want to buy a fucking burger.

“Act natural,” he says as he comes to stand behind him in the queue. Which, okay, alright, maybe not his most normal move ever! Sue him. “Funny seeing you here.”

3. a petty thing (hosea/dutch)

What makes him such an easy target is the way he carries himself.

They are always the easy ones, too—men who believe they are better than anyone else. Confident men in America almost, but not always, spell trouble. Hosea knows his kind better than everyone else, which is why, perhaps, he’s the one suited to attend Dutch van der Linde.

This one is going to be an open-and-shut case.

4. incredibly small problems in such an impossibly big world (wanda & lorna)

“When did you learn how to drive?” Wanda asks her, but it’s probably a question she immediately regrets—she winces on the passenger seat. “Wait, that’s a dumb question. It’s a metal vehicle.”

Lorna gives her a thumbs-up. “Bingo. It’s not really learning, more like feeling it and willing it to move as I want. Neat trick, right?”

She smiles, leaning into the seat further. “I’m jealous. I wouldn’t be half as terrified of driving if I was so sure I’d never crash it.”

“Can’t you just…” Lorna wiggles her fingers, “warp reality and make it so you can drive?”

Wanda arches an eyebrow. 

“Do you believe I would bend the rules of reality so I could skip driving lessons?”

“Shit, maybe it’s a good thing you’re the one with those powers,” Lorna says. “I would.”

5. a scandal in bohemia (raven/irene)

“And Irene Adler?”

“Threatens to send them the photograph. And she will do it. I know that she will do it. You do not know her, but she has a soul of steel. She has the face of the most beautiful of women, and the mind of the most resolute of men. Rather than I should marry another woman, there are no lengths to which she would not go—none.”

In order to not slip-up, Raven rests her head against her hand, if only to look interested in everything this man was saying about Irene. You do not know her, but she has a soul of steel. That, she did. 

6. patterns of loss (joel & ellie) (1.2k)

There’s not much he can do. 

The urgency to leap after Ellie drains out of his body as soon as Henry’s body hits the floor. Ellie’s sobs are present, filling the air, as Joel takes a look around the room—hyper-vigilance not wearing off just yet. His heartbeat is loud in his ears—but perhaps Ellie crying is even louder. Okay, he can work with that. He stands up straighter again, trying to gear himself for what’s coming next.

There’s not much he can do to comfort Ellie.

He’s more of a practical person, as it is. He extends his hand to her, trying to get her up. 

“C’mon,” he says, saving the inner relief when she does take his hand. “Let’s get you out of here.”

“You’re not—” Briefly, Ellie’s eyes flash with betrayal. “You’re—you’re not leaving them here, are you?”

7. kind (hosea & arthur) (2.1k)

“What are you thinking about?”

It’s not hard to guess. Hosea has been aware of Dutch’s gaze for a while now, almost as if they are caught on a staring loop: he’s looking at Arthur, and Dutch is looking at Hosea while he does that.

“You know,” he says. Dutch does know. They’ve had this conversation from the moment they took in Arthur, and Hosea isn’t fond of repeating himself. Not to Dutch.

8. melt your headaches, call it home (cherik) (20.3k) (oops.)

“Dad,” Pietro starts in that tone of voice. 

Erik loves his children. He does. He has grown to love them more than anything in this life. Unfortunately, this means he knows them better than he knows himself. One could never finish knowing their children, but he’d wager he has such an understanding of his twins that he can categorize every single tone of voice they have. 

This one—the little emphasis on the only vocal, the way he can tell Pietro already knows what he wants from this conversation before he even begins to breach the topic… yes, well, certainly not his favorite one from him. 

“Son,” Erik answers. Hopefully Pietro doesn't beat around the bush. 

“Do you, perhaps, by any chance… happen to know Charles Xavier?” 

9. a winding road (david & erik) (3.2k)

David has a list of things he wants to talk about. 

Um, did you mean what you said? About being proud of me? 

You know my dad. Has he always been an arrogant dick? 

You know my dad. Is there any chance he’ll ever change?

Unfortunately, there seems to not be any way to dive into this without looking weird. Not that he cares about looking weird, but there’s probably a subtler, nicer way to begin this conversation. Who the hell opens up with “Hey, can I fix my daddy issues or not?” Fucking hell. Magneto wouldn’t mind, probably, but it still rubs David the wrong way.

10. a heart's genuine apology (terumob) (1k)

Teru blinks back into consciousness when he feels a pair of hands shaking him awake.

“Hanazawa-kun,” the voice is saying, gently, trying to not hurt him. “Hanazawa-kun, wake up, please…”

Is that… Kageyama-kun? Teru suddenly blinks awake harder, much to Kageyama’s relief. Behind him, his master also looks equally relieved, although—oh, they both look so rough. Teru tilts his head. 

wow! THATS A LOT ! god has cursed me for my hubris and my work is never finished

[joels6string]

Omg i literally just read that ask about the chubby person and WHAT!? People are so… idk I don’t wanna be rude 😅 but that makes me think, will you ever do a little headcanon thing on what Joel thinks about being with a plus size reader?

I’ve been asked before and probably not simply because I’m skinny as a rail and have been my entire life, so I just don’t think I can bring that to life authentically. I’ve never faced any scrutiny or self-consciousness about it because thanks to genetics and a boatload of sensory issues that prevents me from eating at all some days, it just feels like I’m stepping into something I can’t and don’t understand. It��s a topic I sit down and listen to others about. I try to leave my oneshots very blank slate physical description wise (I hope) for this reason though, so everyone can read and enjoy it!

I do know he wouldn’t care in the slightest and would be the first person to reassure you if he saw you staring into the mirror too long with a sad expression. Probably wrap his arms around you from behind and nuzzle his nose into the hollow behind your ear and tell you their opinions don’t matter, only his and yours does. And he thinks you’re perfect, so what’s the big deal? If he heard someone saying something, he’d also probably just go whack ‘em like he does Seth at the winter dance in TLOU 2 😤.

I don’t know why anyone would say he wouldn’t like someone who wasn’t super skinny. He literally has a convo with Ellie about how skinny a model on an ad is and is like I don’t know, people were into that shit and seems pretty dismissive of it.

[vadersaber]

I think what kinda bothers me is.. I get that people write noncon themes as a way to cope with their traumas. And if they wanna do that, that’s totally up to them. But when they post this on a very public website, and sometimes not even tagged correctly, they are hurting and triggering other people. I have noncon blocked too but somehow, I still see these kind of stories.

Like you say, Joel is generally a very safe character. He’s the protector. So going into his tags, you just wouldn’t expect that kinda stuff because it’s so completely the opposite of who Joel is.

Like I said, he’s one of my comfort characters and has been for years. And now I feel uncomfortable going into his x reader tag because I’m actually scared of what people are posting.

Also I agree, if someone loves Joel, why would they read something about him doing that to you/someone?

Thanks for not just ignoring the asks because I know it’s a sensitive topic and I definitely don’t want you to get any shit for this but I’m glad I got to talk to someone about this 💕💕

I completely understand and share your opinion. that's just the thing, people will have different opinions and preferences, and if those writers want to dwelve into Joel's character this way, that is their business. it does become a problem, however, as you said, when fics aren't properly tagged. even if you blacklist a word and they still appear, maybe something's amiss. and again, warnings aren't a must, they're usually given as a "by the way, here's what this includes" but in my opinion, if we're talkin about sensitive topics such as mental health or in this case SA/dub-con etc., these things always should be tagged.

and again I reiterate, this is just my - and your - personal opinion, not telling anyone what or how to do things. it's just very concerning that unproper tagging and some of the ideas some people have can cause someone to be genuinely afraid to go into the tags for their comfort character. I'm really sorry you feel this way darling. it shouldn't be this way. and certainly not with a character as comforting and pretty heroic as Joel, who is probably one of the most protective and kind-hearted characters ever.

but as I said before, I aim to have this blog as a safe and open space! I hope you find some comfort in the fics I reblog here because yes, some are smut, but you won't ever find triggering topics here (hopefully) ❤️

[maxbegone]

if this is too personal, you definitely don’t have to answer 🤍 but i was wondering where you were in your grief journey and how you are doing? my dad passed away a month ago and im struggling and reading your fics has truly given me some joy

hi, anon! i would love to.

i’m going to drop this all under the cut so i don’t take up too much dash space ♥️

first of all, i am so sorry for your loss. losing a parent is one of the most difficult things to go through. when my dad passed, i had a neighbor who said that you’re suddenly part of this horrible club and you’re not sure what to do about it, especially if you lose a parent when you’re young. and she was right.

i don’t want to give any unsolicited advice here, but please allow yourself to ache. allow yourself to sit in your grief and don’t try too hard to understand it because there are some days where you just won’t. if you’re angry, let yourself be angry, if you’re happy, don’t feel guilty about that, no matter how hard it might be. if someone says they’re proud of you for how you’re handling your grief, and you feel comfortable doing so, thank them. because guess what — despite what anyone says, you are doing a good job. no one’s journey with grief is the same, and it shouldn’t be. there isn’t a guideline and those stages don’t have a specific order. it’s cyclical.

personally, i’m still very up and down. there are days where i feel like i’m not doing enough, or that the bare minimum is still either too much or too little. it helps to talk about it, i can’t lie about that, but there are times where i just want to sit and stay quiet for as long as possible. i think that’s why i write about it as often as i do. i find comfort in grief nowadays, especially in stories about grief and sort of analyzing how other people handle theirs. i’m not sure if it’s good or bad, but it’s my method of healing.

there are days where i don’t want to get up or go to sleep, where i wonder what i’m supposed to be doing without him to bounce ideas of, to laugh with, to blast billy joel with. i don’t want to get too far into the fears that have developed since my dad died because that just wouldn’t be fair to subject into a post, but they’re there. that’s probably normal.

i don’t live in my childhood home anymore, so the feeling isn’t as prominent, but i swear to god there are days i think he’s going to walk through the door. when i’m at work, the same thing happens. especially when someone walks in that even slightly resembles him. and it’s normal, it’ll always be a thing no matter how much time passes, i guess.

nothing about this is easy and it’s never going to be, i’ve [begrudgingly] accepted that. i’m now...almost a year and a half into living a life without my dad and it still absolutely sucks. i had a fantastic relationship with him, and there are so many things that are now left unsaid, so many things i know he didn’t tell me to keep me from worrying, but i know he’d be proud of him.

i’m not one for signs and never have been. if you aren’t, don’t let anyone push them on you. my dad loved cardinals because we had a family of them that lived in our backyard, so every time i see one i think of him. there’s a well-known belief that cardinals are actually angels. it’s a sweet thought, but it’s also one that doesn’t sit quite right with me.

it really is that whole one day at a time thing. we want to know the answers to everything but we can’t, and it sucks. the best thing we can do, outside of allowing ourselves to feel, is to remember every time we had with our loved ones — the good especially, but also the bad and the ugly. i’m trying to remind myself to keep the people who love i close, cherish them, but don’t let the unknown amount of time i might have left with them impede me from living the life i want as well. it’s a learning curve.

ok. i’m going to stop here. please, please do not hesitate to reach out if you need to talk. i’d be more than happy to chat. and i’m happy that my fics have been helpful.

take care of yourself, anon. let yourself feel ♥️

[glenrocklibraryteens]

Book Review: They Both Die at the End

They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera Young Adult Fiction/Science-Fiction Page Count: 384 Rating: 5 - They Both Die at the End is simple, but at the same time very poetically written— the plot is outstanding. Reviewer: Rebecca Torres

In the novel They Both Die at the End, we are in a world where people miraculously know they’re the day of their tragic fate. More specifically, Mateo and Rufus,—our main characters— are both called by Death Cast on the same day. Death Cast is the phone line that determines peoples’ death— yet cannot determine how or exactly what time the said person will die. The two meet in such circumstances, as they live their last day. They Both Die at the End, was such a good read! It pulled me out of my reading rut, with its one of a kind plot. It’s an interesting thought to imagine: If we knew when we died. That idea enters my head quite often, especially after reading this book. I love how the book is narrated to still have unanswered questions behind the phenomenon. People in the novel’s world, though they know what day they are going to die, don’t know how or what time it happens. It keeps the story raw; much like our world, we don’t have all the answers or explanations.

The main characters of the story guide us through the individual part of their day, as well as the time they spend together. Adam Silvera paints this picture for us: Rufus is someone who takes too many risks and Mateo takes close to none. Rufus has a rag-tag group of friends, and none of them are afraid of a little tussle. Mateo is the living embodiment of a homebody, never leaving his house or doing anything interesting with his life. Despite this—all of this— they are assigned to die on the same day. In fear of wasting time, the two create their individual accounts on the Last Friend app— an app to meet someone random, who shares your same fate. They come across one another, and spend what feels like a year, all in one day. Both grow from each other as their death awaits them.

This story made me very much value the life I have. I hope to have the experiences they did on this day. They somehow made their last day, probably the best day of either of their lives. The story doesn’t make it all sunshine-and-rainbows, however. Like it should be, it took time for Rufus and Mateo to bond. If I put my shoes in either of their places, I wouldn’t have too much trust either. Putting two very different personalities together, didn’t exactly work at first. But the day put them in situations where they had to be vulnerable, honest, and caring. They open up to each other in such a natural way, that books can’t directly depict. It’s a story of growth and acceptance, that put me through all the emotions. It’s a good read for anyone who loves subtle science-fiction— a normal world setting, with one unusual feature or circumstance.

“They Both Die at The End” Playlist https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0DfgvOkHtQqUhXCWREtwWQ?si=lVYdlerWS6SuKetXTYRSGA

“American Pie” by Don McLean: This song is a very impactful part(for me) of the book. It’s a song played during a chapter. Due to possible spoilers, I cannot say why, but its lyrics “This’ll be the day that I die,” fit very well with the story’s overall mood. The song also presents happiness in bad happenings. They’re discussing death, yet say it in a way that makes the characters grateful for this last day.

“Piano Man” by Billy Joel: Though a sad song, it depicts the side characters' feelings about dying perfectly. There is also a part in the book where people with fears just let them go for a moment. This song feels like letting go of worries and leaving them behind. Being carefree is the remedy for these people's lying fates.

“Lemon Boy” by Cavetown: Mateo’s and Rufus’ bond is explained perfectly by this. The song talks about all the bad flaws you notice, when first meeting someone. The end of the song discusses getting past that and learning to grow a relationship with them. That is how the two started this journey through their last 24 hours.