#I feel mych better today so don't worry

[weirdraccoon]

For whoever needs to read this:

TW: depression and implied suicidal tendencies/thoughts

Yesterday I woke up and cried.

There was no reason, none that I know of, at least.

It just happened.

I opened my eyes, and I was still here. Alive. Hurting.

And the tears just came and drowned me.

I stayed in bed most of the day.

I reached out. I promised I did.

I was never a screamer though.

My silent cry for help was answered.

Hey. Are you ok?

Are you feeling down?

I'm here for you if you want to talk.

I hope one day you'll be your own reason to live.

I'm not sure if it's related but my brother also called.

His birthday is tomorrow, so even if I wanted to, even if I was mentally and emotionally ready to do it, I couldn't taint this date.

My uncle's death is already way too close for comfort.

I'm still breathing because of my little brother after all. I can't gift him a suicidal note... or in my case, a notebook with a short letter for everyone I care about.

Anyway. Before I start crying again.

You're not weak.

We're not weak.

Shit happens sometimes.

And other times we just feel shitty.

It happens.

And it's ok.

Take your time.

Sleep all day if you want to.

Numb yourself if that's what it takes.

Just don't leave us.

Don't leave us.

And if you do, take me with you.

You're not alone. I promise.

There's a bunch of people out there who wake up and cry with no reason. And we won't ask why because we know there's no way to answer it.

We just feel.

And it's ok.

We're human.

Cry and sleep and numb yourself and ignore that little voice in your head telling you to turn off life because it would be easier.

Would it be easier?

Who knows.

What if it isn't.

It's not time to find out yet.

So, hide, cry, sleep, listen to sad music, watch stupid videos, pay no attention at all, just breathe.

Breathe.

Once at a time. Four seconds in, four seconds out.

Hurt.

But keep hurting.

It will pass.

It will distract you.

Enjoy the pain for it will be too late when it stops hurting.

Even happiness hurts sometimes, right?

That feeling in your chest. In your cheeks. It's a good kind of pain.

If it keeps you from doing something that will never hurt again, then it's a good pain in my books.

And it's unhealthy, yes, but it's a way to keep the mind from considering short-term pain.

You know what I mean.

I've thought about it too. I've got plans. I've got notes.

And I'm still here ain't I?

I'm weak.

And if I'm still here, I know you can do it too.

At least do it for the food. Or the book you haven't finished yet. Or the movie you want to see once it comes out. Or the song you want to listen to, the concert you want to go to, the game you want to finish, the person you want to see grow up-

Find a lifeline and hold on to it as if your life depended on it.

It kind of does, doesn't it?

And maybe one day, we will be our own reason to live.