#suicidal thougts

[losingmyhope]

Please...

Just leave me alone.

Go your own way and be happy.

I know i'll be when I'm gone.

xoxo -Hannah

[weirdraccoon]

For whoever needs to read this:

TW: depression and implied suicidal tendencies/thoughts

Yesterday I woke up and cried.

There was no reason, none that I know of, at least.

It just happened.

I opened my eyes, and I was still here. Alive. Hurting.

And the tears just came and drowned me.

I stayed in bed most of the day.

I reached out. I promised I did.

I was never a screamer though.

My silent cry for help was answered.

Hey. Are you ok?

Are you feeling down?

I'm here for you if you want to talk.

I hope one day you'll be your own reason to live.

I'm not sure if it's related but my brother also called.

His birthday is tomorrow, so even if I wanted to, even if I was mentally and emotionally ready to do it, I couldn't taint this date.

My uncle's death is already way too close for comfort.

I'm still breathing because of my little brother after all. I can't gift him a suicidal note... or in my case, a notebook with a short letter for everyone I care about.

Anyway. Before I start crying again.

You're not weak.

We're not weak.

Shit happens sometimes.

And other times we just feel shitty.

It happens.

And it's ok.

Take your time.

Sleep all day if you want to.

Numb yourself if that's what it takes.

Just don't leave us.

Don't leave us.

And if you do, take me with you.

You're not alone. I promise.

There's a bunch of people out there who wake up and cry with no reason. And we won't ask why because we know there's no way to answer it.

We just feel.

And it's ok.

We're human.

Cry and sleep and numb yourself and ignore that little voice in your head telling you to turn off life because it would be easier.

Would it be easier?

Who knows.

What if it isn't.

It's not time to find out yet.

So, hide, cry, sleep, listen to sad music, watch stupid videos, pay no attention at all, just breathe.

Breathe.

Once at a time. Four seconds in, four seconds out.

Hurt.

But keep hurting.

It will pass.

It will distract you.

Enjoy the pain for it will be too late when it stops hurting.

Even happiness hurts sometimes, right?

That feeling in your chest. In your cheeks. It's a good kind of pain.

If it keeps you from doing something that will never hurt again, then it's a good pain in my books.

And it's unhealthy, yes, but it's a way to keep the mind from considering short-term pain.

You know what I mean.

I've thought about it too. I've got plans. I've got notes.

And I'm still here ain't I?

I'm weak.

And if I'm still here, I know you can do it too.

At least do it for the food. Or the book you haven't finished yet. Or the movie you want to see once it comes out. Or the song you want to listen to, the concert you want to go to, the game you want to finish, the person you want to see grow up-

Find a lifeline and hold on to it as if your life depended on it.

It kind of does, doesn't it?

And maybe one day, we will be our own reason to live.

[cestviex]

Wieso hab ich es nicht kommen sehen.

Wieso hab ich nichts gemerkt.

Wieso hab ich dir vertraut.

[just-a-small-town-dork]

You know all those little reasons people tell you to come up with so you don't kill yourself? Things like "who will feed your pet, or the next book in your favorite serires is releasing soon and you cant miss that!" Thats real great and all but what about when you've reached the point where you are just so done with everything, that you can explain away all those little things, "is a book really worth living through this hell, someone else will care for my pet, my family will move on..." we need to talk about the unpretty reasons to stay alive, the I refuse to let this take me down reasons, the I will not become another statistic during suicide prevention month, I will not give my intrusive thoughts the satisfaction of wining. As important as it is to focus on the beauty of life sometimes we need to acknowledge that its ok to be alive just out of pure spite, that your reason for living doesn't have to beautiful or loving, it can be the stubborn painful determination to not let your mental illness take you down

[whereserpentswalk]

You've died and gone to the afterlife. Nobody knows if it's hell or heaven, though some people are very insistent that it's one or the other or neither. There's probably another afterlife, only about forty percent of souls end up where you are.

It's not so bad. You have a new human body down here, or it's sort of human, it's this slender sexless thing, agelessly trapped as a young adult forever. It doesn't look like you, people's afterlife bodies all have diffrent faces just like their earth bodies, but they aren't the faces they had on earth. It's weird, you don't look like you, don't feel like you, you're not sure who you are down here away from everything. You had just reached your thirties in your old body, and somehow you moss the marks of age this body will never have. You somehow miss the ability to gain weight, the scars you used to have, that you'd have to mutilate yourself to have again. It's strange to call yourself a millennial in an ageless body, strange to wear a dress over a flat chest, strange to wonder what you even count as now in so many categories.

It's strange how this world mirrors the last. People still have to use currency, still have to go to work, and still have to eat and drink and sleep. Nobody really runs this place outside of the governments the humans here have set up, so that's the best you can do. Wealth doesn't transfer over but skills and prestige do. You sang for a living on earth so you ended up doing the same here. You're able to afford an apartment in one of the big cities, it's safer there than out in the plains with their strange unearthlike grass, or the deserts of white sand, or marshlands of pale liquid. At least the cities have actual societies, outside of them there are bandits and warlords, and nobody knows what happens when you die in the afterlife.

But then there are those strangely alien parts of this world. The entities here, some feral like animals or plants, that are your only food source. But others are as smart as humans, yet far stranger and alien in their appearance and behavior, some think they're angels or demons, or something else. Sometimes you'll see one and it'll be scary, or it'll be so alien to interact with them. But other times they seem just like another type of person here. You also realize it's always night here, sometimes it feels like it's almost morning or like the sun just set, but it's always dark, and always a bit cold. There aren't even things in the sky, no moon, and no stars.

You know why the people who think it's heaven think it's heaven. There are neighborhoods nicer than yourse, and this world isn't free of soldiers or politicians or businesses owners no more than it's free of laborers or starving artists. Its especially weird how it works with time, the current president of your city used to be a king of Sparta, you're pretty sure your boss was born before agriculture was invented. People don't even know what the right religion is, even though the dead are supposed to find that out. All of the faiths have to work differently here of course, but they still work. There's a college a few blocks downtown from you where the original Buddha is one of the professors of philosophy, you wonder sometimes what someone like that can think of this place.

What's weirdest is just that life goes on. There are people who died as children who basically had their entire lives here. And people who have just done more things here than they ever did on earth. There are writers here still publishing new work, like Dante and Mary Shelly, there are people here who regret their pasts, people here whose regret doesn't matter, people here whose past doesn't matter.

Your new roommate took here own life about ten years before you were born, even though you died when you were older than she ever got to be on earth. You're considered to be part of the same community just for having died within a hundred years of eachother. You always expected people to kill themselves to be punished wherever they go, but she's not, you think she's trying to appreciate her life down here, it's all she'll ever have. And people are always so nice to her when they find out how she died. You're not sure what that means for you, you died in a pretty boring way. But it doesn't feel over though yet, you don't want to resign yourself to only knowing your past.

You sometimes think this is purgatory. Perhaps the people who didn't go here don't have an afterlife at all. If there is a hell, you can at least appreciate that you aren't there. But if there is a heaven, like the heavens they talk about, where all everyone does is sing, and look back down at earth, and remember who they were, than perhaps it is a worse place to be than where you are now.

[cocacolaheaven]

When I think of myself I hardly think of me

[queenfantasy123]

Losing the feeling to cry is the worse feeling in the world

[thewitchalone]

Ultimamente solo soy yo y mis pensamientos, cada vez es más constante la idea de querer morir e imagenar como pasaría, poder solucionar todos mis problemas, evitar ser una carga para las personas y cada vez es más difícil fingir que todo va bien, solo quiero morir y desaparecer

[s4df4rlife]

Lebensmüde…

Fuck ey. Schon wieder der Punkt. Immer häufiger der Drang und so emenz der Wunsch. Der Wunsch endlich frei sein zu dürfen und nicht mehr nur existieren..

Ich funktioniere, aber das ist kein Leben mehr..

[onceuponaweirdo]

Summer Nights and Winter Days

I want to kill myself. But not in the "I will take a knife to my wrists" "gun to my head" "jump off of a cliff" kind of way. I want to kill myself. Disappear day by day. I want to walk to the store and forget myself there. I want to drive by the shore and invent a new person. I want to travel abroad and die in the arms of a foreign love. I want to get lost in the woods. I want to let go of life in the depth of a teacup. I want sound to smoother me. Light to suffocate me. Touch to strangle my lips. I want to reorganise my organs and make them all pretty again. I want to go to the library and read the sun on the leaves. I want to travel the mountains and kiss the moon on her tongue. I want... I want to forget the stove. Reinvent the door. Open a window. Beckon the rain inside. Dance on the carpet floor with mud on my soles. I want to kill myself. Not in a way that would mean I won't exist anymore. But in a way that would create a thousand of me and maybe some more...

[gummmimi]

No quiero morir, pero sí quiero cerrar los ojos y que pase el tiempo, no sé cuánto. Necesito descansar.

[losingmyhope]

TW Suici.. TW

YESTERDAY

Yesterday,

I took too much pills.

i tried to k m s, but today i woke up.

so I didn't succeed.

I'm so disappointed on myself.

How can i be so bad at everything, that I couldn't even end my life....

[weirdraccoon]

I need to die like yesterday

[thatsojasminesworld]

Rant

i don’t care what anyone says suicide is one of the most selfish acts a human can do you are leaving the people you claim & supposed love to live with the face they wouldn’t do anything for you & I had family who fought to live and would have done anything to be here with us but you have little asshole killing themseleves cause mommy said they can’t have an iPhone 13 and I have family who were affected by suicide and seen what it did d to them so yes I think it’s fuckin selfish if that makes me a bitch then so fuckin be it if you don’t like it to bad for you

[flyatahighergame-arch]

"penny for your thoughts" - favorite characters! what makes you pick a favorite character? - @monmuses​ 

   Self-projection.  If, I a suicidal, mentally-ill, chronically in pain bitch who hates myself more than anything and anybody else in this world relate to this character they’re automatically favourite. Yuugi for example was bullied horribly most of his life for various reasons and ended up an insecure piece of shit who couldn’t see his own self-worth. I related to that and it makes me go If he can become better, why can’t I? So I need to relate and be able to connect to them somehow. 

[whereserpentswalk]

I hate how much of the narrative around mental health is based around the idea of shoving mentally ill people away from society inorder to comfort the mentally healthy. So much of the discussion around suicidal or self harming people is about making sure nobody is ever offended by hearing about them. People will literally tell you not to get comfort from your freinds because they don't want your problems to upset them. Everyone just tells you to call the number because they hope they won't have to deal with you (that number is a trap by they way, you will be forcibly imprisoned, drugged and likely raped if you call it).

Imagine if people treated cancer this way. Imagine if you just weren't allowed to talk about what you were going through because some healthy person might be upset.