#mental struggle

[esmylove]

I hope you heal from how life has treated you, from how people have wronged you. I hope you never close your heart to the beauty this world still has to offer. Stay open and hold onto hope my darling, you will bloom again.

[little-blurry-stars5]

"hey do u remember-" no.

[japanese-korean-lit-lover]

There are books that describe really important topics but at the same time they are so uncomfortable for me to read. But not because of the topic itself (which would be actually better because that would mean that I have to face something new and grow) but because of the side things like vulgarity, eroticism and sexuality.

I have two particular books in mind: „Walking practice“ by Dolki Min and „Norwegian Wood“ by Haruki Murakami.

The first one talks about what it means to be human and nonbinary in the binary world and how the binary world works in the mind of a nonbinary spectator.

The second one is an amazing struggle with mental illness and how it is to function in a relationship with a person who struggles. It shows many feelings and problems but also what it means to live in a reality if it actually exists.

But both of them were explicitly (and sometimes extremly) sexual. Needlessly sexual for me.

There was too much intercourse in the „Norwegian Wood“ but while reading „Walking practice“ I felt actually repulsed by the erotic descriptions. Moreover I really felt like it didn’t bring anything to the narrative.

Vulgarity has to play a role to be used but for me it looked like really tasteless sprinkles on top of an important story (here I’m talking speciafically about „Walking practice“). Yes, I’m speaking from the perspective of the aroace person. That’s why even though the sex scenes bugged me a bit, I can accept that it’s a way of displaying deep affections in the „Norwegian Wood”.

Meanwhile the vulgar sexuality of „Walking practice“ made me really uncomfortable not in a I-m-growing-as-a-person uncomfortable but in a I-want-to-stop-reading-immidiately way. Which is sad because as I stated before I consider the story extremly important in the discussion about binary vs nonbinary culture.

[todays-a-good-day-to-be-tired]

INTRO POST!!!! :D

Name: Spade :D

Age:9-18

Gender: non-binary

Birthday: February 21

Pronouns:It/Its/fae/bark/void/void/star

Sexualitys: lesbian, non-binary, aromantic, demisexual!

Dating status: taken by my love @i-eat-lip-gloss <3

My theriotypes :D: Red fox, Birman (its a breed of cat), and a German Shepard!(Pls no zoop-1/3s/p3d0s)

Likes: FNAF, DHMIS, the Mandela catalog, GHOST AND PALS, drawing, hanging out with my spouse!! <3, SCP Foundation, Will wood and the tapeworms (wwatt),weirdcore/dreamcore, D&D, Maretu, VOCALIOD, quadrobics :) night time and it is/stopped raining~

Dislikes: Brussel sprouts, criticism, lgbtq+ haters, my dad and step mom-, itself,etc

I'm just really tired and am going through some things- sorry for if I post anything depressing

Disorders/mental illnesses: Autism, depression, anxiety, stress, BPD, body dysmorphic disorder, and I have undiagnosed schizophrenia (I need to get these things officially diagnosed but can't)

Blogs: @glitchsv3ntbl0g

I'm an Age regressor!

What it means: Age regressing can be a form of coping for a person. The coping could be for child hood trauma/stolen childhood like forced to grow up to fast of something happened. But it can also be done for fun!

Am I regressed right now?: Nope!

Age regressing is a valid thing and should not be hated on. Its just coping and even if people tell you its weird, it if helps then do what help yourself heal <3

Phobias: scopophobia, nyctophobia, aracnophobia, decidophobia

Tw:vents, mental abuse, language, disorders,hatred of self,etc

Get to know a bit about me!

Well the name online is Spade but I will temporarily not say my actual name (unless u ask tho then I will say) but lets get to the basics! I am a mentally ill h3ll spawn and a Therein as well! I really enjoy drawing and listening to music! If you want to know a bit more about me check out some of my posts! :D

[sadfatgoddess]

When did I stop wanting to get better?

. . .

What happened

. . .

When did I give up?

[wally-darling-hyperfixation]

I miss my mutuals. Those people are my friends. And are wonderful and sweet and kind and I think we all need people like that in the world. I honestly feel like I need it right now. Everything just sucks and I feel like I’m in pain (actually in pain atm. Took ibuprofen hasn’t kicked in yet). Just. Wanted to say. Miss ya

[o-nik]

Mental Health Confessions

CW/TW - sui mention, meds mention

I've been struggling mentally for years now, and since I trust tumblr enough that I'm writing this out here

Some people might have noticed how I'm not posting as frequently as I've used to...

I know mental health recovery is not a linear thing, but any time theres a downhill I don't think I'm gonna ever get better. Because let's be honest... I've had nearly 8 years to "get better" and where am I now?

I neglect myself, my physical appearance just as my mental health. I'm barely eating, not brushing my teeth, taking showers an incredibly few times a month and I haven't washed my hair for at least 3 months (but I think it might be more).

Call me disgusting, I know I am, I am stinking and my face is all greasy, but I don't know what to do, because I can't get myself to help myself.

I am taking my meds just as regularly as I use to, I have no idea what's my problem. I feel I am hungry, but I have no apetite at all, I know I should drink – even tho i am NOT thirsty at all – but every sip I take is so incredibly forced that it's impossible to do it all the time, all day, every five minutes, FOREVER...

My physical health has been bad for a while, but now it's worse. I always have a low blood pressure, I'm dizzy when I stand up, I have shortness of breath and I'm just so. SO tired. I don't know why I'm tired. I have no job, I am sitting at home drawing, or watching shows just to distract myself from how shitty my life ended up be.

I am weak. Both physically and mentally. My back hurts, my joints hurt, my knee hurts, my head hurts sometimes and I've sunken so low that at this point all I can do is sink more.

All the advice I've been given are useless, because I can't "exercise" when I feel like -this-, and I can't "just take a shower/wash my hair" because I CAN'T.

People saying these things have no idea how many times I've said to myself how I'm gonna get my shit together from -that day- night. Take a shower, wash my hair, tidy my room a bit, its gonna be fine. But it never ends up happening.

Sometimes I catch myself wondering who the fuck I am. No matter who calls me and what name, and how they say things, and how this and how that I end up thinking back about it and going "I would not fucking say/do that".

Really tho. I just don't see the point.

I have no idea why I'm writing this I just feel like if I don't get this out of my system I'm gonna kms.

Which I don't want to...

I'm not writing any closure I'm not in the mood

[between-the-roses]

Started doing EMDR treatment and today we were doing resource installation. One of my prompts was to name a protective figure and literally couldn’t think of anyone both real or fiction?? Maybe it’s cause I’m sick and have brain fog but I’m realizing I don’t have any one real or fake person that I strongly consider as someone who would protect me from harm (without accident my hurting me in the process). Like the last person who I considered a protector broke me so hard I can’t rely on anyone but myself to protect me, even if it is for self-comfort/self-soothing purposes.

[arioagio]

Don't be scared of what might happen. you are gonna be okay. God is good. 💗

[nicxxx5]

the pain of wanting to read but struggling to find the energy to do so and get started

[nocturnal-desolation]

A fear of constant failure, of falling behind, of never being able to change. It's a terrible feeling because time is always passing and having nothing to show for it is incredibly demoralizing. I just feel so far behind everyone else. It sucks.

[lilacs-world]

Whispers from the Dissociative Mind

In a world both near and far,

I dwell in realms bizarre,

Derealization's mystic haze,

Depersonalization's bewildering maze.

Reality, a distant land,

Slips through my trembling hand,

Myself, a stranger in my skin,

Lost in this chaos from within.

A puppeteer's strings, I sway,

As I navigate this disarray,

An empty vessel, a hollow gaze,

In this surreal, disorienting phase.

A struggle silent, a battle unseen,

Invisible chains, a captive's dream,

Yet, I fight to find my way,

Through the night, into the day.

Though I'm adrift in this enigmatic sea,

Hope whispers, "You'll one day be free,"

For in the heart's resilient core,

I'll reclaim myself, forevermore.

[123passwort]

A beautiful little fic for everyone struggling with themself (who isn't at times?).

[waitingformysandman]

Better Than Nothing

Chapter 3

Warnings: Attempted Suicide, Sad Wet Cat Morpheus, All the Angst

"What about the Queen Matthew?" Morpheus asked pointedly.

"Well, she uh, she...the bathroom..."

"MATTHEW! TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON."

Matthew jumped. To be fair his babbling had started to piss off Morpheus. Morpheus needed to know what was going on and Matthew just couldn't seem to spit out the words. But how could you tell your King that his wife, the Queen, might have just tried to kill herself. That he lost his child and he might now lose you.

"Bathroom! She was in the bathroom and just collapsed!" Matthew barely got everything out before Morpheus gave him a murderous glare and disappeared to where the raven had said the Queen was.

You felt yourself being lifted from the hard, cold floor. You nuzzled deeper into the warmth that surrounded you now at all angles. It was a nice change from the icy floor.

Begrudgingly, you opened your eyes to see what was happening. The first thing you saw was Morpheus' shirt covered chest. Which was slightly disappointing to you. His chiseled chest was one of your most favorite things about him. While you were lightheaded quickly losing blood anyway.

The thoughts of his beautiful chest kept you from thinking of the pain in the back of your head and the blood pouring from the side of your head where you had hit the bathroom counter after passing out from blood loss from everywhere you had cut yourself. Wrists, throat, and thighs. You wanted to die. You needed to make sure it would happen.

Suddenly the warmth was gone and you were cold again. You couldn't feel your toes or fingers. Your breathing was labored and you looked up to him looming over you with tears in his eyes. He placed his hand on your cheek and you leaned into it even though you couldn't feel it.

"Morpheus," You whispered, trying to keep your voice steady, "let me go. I can't stay. I stayed for her. Let me go. Don't make me stay."

He wished he could honor your wishes, but he couldn't. He couldn't live without you. He'd never be able to. He'd never move on.

"No."

The word felt odd on his tongue. He'd never used it with you before. He gave you everything you wanted and everything you could ever imagine. He never thought he'd need to tell you no. He also never thought he'd find you after attempting suicide.

He kicked off his shoes and coat then joined you in the bed. He wrapped his arms around you and you snuggled deeply into his chest and begged him to let you go.

"Please, My Love. Please."

He ran his hands up your body and through your hair healing all your wounds in the process.

"I'm sorry. I know you are hurting. I am too. I know my pain is different than yours, but despite how hard this is we can do this. We will make it. YOU will make it. Now rest."

And rest you did.

@igotanidea

@vellichor01

@immultifandom16

@intothesoul

@itskindofidontknow

@sandman-33

@pancake2603

@mr-sandman-bring-me-a-dream

@violet-19999

@pinksirensong

@bisexualunicronrunningloose

@eraalice01

@glambbirdy-blog

@dream-a-lil-dream-of-me

@1950schick

@emy635

[nerdyautumnlover]