#I guess this is sorta angst

[undertale-writing-times]

Mutt and his s/o fic?

'dont push me away again'

Of course :D though uh with Mutt... I feel like I need to say this.

I don't know mental stuff very well, and I don't claim to. I write Mutt in the way that I want to write for them. I don't follow anything like that, and I give them what I think is best.

So, they aren't to like make fun of anyone, or anything! They're just a cute character and one of my favorites to write.

When Mutt first woke up, they didn't remember a lot of the things that happened in the past. There were things that their brother told them that they didn't need to know about, and it might have been best for them to not know about it. He says that the past was just that, the past, and trying to unlock it would have been stupid on Mutt's part.

So, Mutt never tried to ask too many questions. Mostly just their name, and who this guy was. Lord told them that he was their brother and that their name was Mutt. Mutt wasn't allowed outside of the house for a while after that because they needed to heal. Something that Mutt agreed with, their head hurt a lot.

Sometimes they felt their head and felt the crack and little hole. Lord always told them to not touch it because that would get the crack worse.

Luckily they had a hood that they could wear! One of the few times that they were allowed to leave the house, they could feel so many people looking at them, some of them were snickering or laughing.

Then there was another person. They ran over, calling Mutt Alpha and hugging them "I'm so happy you're back! What happened?" Mutt panicked, and pushed them away from them, knocking them back against the grass and they ran back to the house.

Their brother came back a little while afterward. Lord didn't speak, just made Mutt food, and they sat together, eating.

Mutt was a little... confused. Who was Alpha?

After that, Mutt started to go out sometimes. All of the time with their brother and sometimes they would wander away which is why they started to need to wear the collar and leash. It was for 'safety' reasons their brother said.

Mutt didn't mind!

What they did mind, was the fact that the monsters would stare at them, and point laughing. Sometimes they would hear them say look how far he dropped, or something like that. Mutt didn't like that, just because they didn't get what they were saying... and they weren't a he! They were a they. They didn't drop anything, or fall? Mutt would sometimes ask their brother, and they would say “It doesn't matter. Ignore them” while lightly tugging the leash to get them to walk with him.

Oh, and whenever they saw that one monster that tried to hug them, they would avoid them by hiding behind something. Not very well but, you know, enough. Something in their chest, their soul most likely, told them that they should go to talk to them. Be with them, be near them but Mutt couldn't bring himself to do it. The idea of that, made them scared.

What in the world was wrong with them? Why was their body betraying them like this? Their soul wanted what it wanted, they figured? So, they decided to do something that Lord told them to never do.

They snuck out of the house while their brother was away doing royal guard things.

The reason that they weren't supposed to leave the house, was because their brother told them that their magic levels were still too low and some of the monsters would most likely try to kill them if they were away from Lord, and went out.

Mutt knew that this was dangerous but they needed to see that monster.

Something happened just as they thought it would. Two monsters came around, and they felt panic settling into their body, enough that they couldn't even hear what the monsters were saying. something about how the 'past royal leader was such a weakling now' or... something like that?

Mutt had magic, they should be able to use it! Every time they tried to use their magic though, they would feel it spark and their body would start to hurt. Their head felt like it was breaking and slowly tears started to fall from their eyes. "L...Leave me alone" he takes a step backward from them, losing his balance on a tree branch, falling back onto the floor with a thud.

The two monsters laugh. "Wow! And you used to call your brother a waste of LV" one said, which caused the other to snort with laughter.

They never said that.

They would never say that.

...Right?

What did they do before their accident? What even... who were they?

Before they could tell what was happening, the two monsters were gone, and replacing them was the one that they pushed away before. What happened? Where did the other two go? Mutt looks around quickly, then saw a hand in front of him, making him flinch away.

"Don't push me away again" The voice says.

Mutt slowly lifts their head, looking up at them, seeing them holding out their hand, a small frown on their face. They reach up, taking their hand into their own and they help pull Mutt up "Come on, let's get you back to your house" they put their arm around Mutt's waist, starting to walk.

Mutt leaned into them, looking at them out of the corner of their eyes. Who were they to them? They must mean... something to them, right? Their mind rushed with different thoughts. It made them a little dizzy... all of this made them dizzy. Were they going to pass out? They reach up, putting their hand over their mouth feeling them squeeze them gently. They figured they would be fine... this might be a little fun!

Lord was going to be sooo mad at them most likely for leaving the house without telling him first...

[the-ninjago-historian]

Gosh. Sounds like Jay and Nya were really messed up by Skybound.😬

I wonder what would happen if some crazy situation occured that would make them have to open up about this. *Starts writing*😈📝

[sandy-shocks]

Man some people are still having a really hard time coping with Firefly being Sam, it's kinda sad

I saw someone say they hope Firefly dies and Sam gains sentience. And like ok, if that happens I hope the sentience is just Firefly. Like she gets five nights at freddy'd and oops now she's a ghost haunting a suit of armour

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

AFTERMARE WEEK: day 1- blackout/illumination

Your presence alone lit up my entire world, but then your absence nearly blinded me. how am i to survive without that light now that you're gone?

aftermare week is hosted by @bluepallilworld

[every-aj-needs-an-angel]

wishing the wonderful @flowercrowngods the happiest of birthdays 🥳🫶🤍 fair warning this quickly turned from 5k to 10 🙈 i hope it's not too boring 🤞 i tried my hardest to give you the angsty fic you asked for but i don't think it's my forte 🤷‍♀️ anyway happy birthday darling i hope you're having the best day 🤍

Steve's birthday started the same as all his birthdays had for as long as he could remember now; waking alone in his big old, empty house. Not that he could say he minded. His first ten birthdays had been pretty perfect, but his eleventh birthday changed everything. The only thing he'd asked for was a birthday sleepover with Tommy and his new school friends. It was all going amazing until late into the night, he and Tommy were laid awake, Tommy was telling him about how he was nervous to kiss Carol for the first time, when somehow, in a way Steve couldn't really remember, one of them had ended up suggesting that they practice together. 

They'd snuck off to the airing cupboard across the hall so their friends wouldn't see, what they hadn't considered was getting caught by Steve's parents. His mum hadn't said anything, just left quickly, leaving his dad to glare at him with that creepy polite smile he always had whenever Steve was going to get it as soon as they were alone. And he had, as soon as the house was empty, his dad yelled and yelled and yelled; about how kissing boys was unacceptable, how it was a sin, "Harrington's are family men, Steven!" A direct quote from the serial adulterer. 

It went on for two whole days, and then they never spoke of it again as though it'd never happened, but Steve wasn't allowed another sleepover nor was he allowed over to any of the other boys houses; which was how by his late teens he only had Tommy and Carol left as friends, they were the only ones who truly knew what went off in his house. And his birthday's hadn't been a big deal ever again, half the time his parents hadn't bothered to even be in the country; not that it made any difference to Steve, a birthday without their presence and constant judgement was already a happier day.

His alarm clock blaring pulled him from his musings back to the present. Not that he'd really needed the alarm, he rarely slept these days; it was more like a series of naps interspersed with part memories, part overactive imagination-induced night terrors. He poked an arm out of the covers, flicking the switch on the clock, yawning and stretching; feeling the pull on his freshly healed wounds. Clambering out of bed and scratching lazily at the stubble on his jawline as he headed into the en-suite; flicking on the stereo as he passed by just for something to fill the void.

Holding Back The Years was just beginning, as it often was these days. The one nighttime DJ who'd bothered to stick around seemed to think the song said "holding back the tears, because nothing here is gone." Idiot! The moron had some whole elaborate deluded idea that the song was some kind of metaphor to do with living with the aftermath of the quake or something, repeating the same nonsense every morning like if he kept saying it his theory would become true. 

Steve, however, had actually listened to the lyrics and recognised Mick (Hucknall) as a kindred spirit. He heard the pain of a child longing for parents that loved him, felt the pain for his younger self deep in his soul. He'd long since accepted that he'd never have that, that they'd had him solely for their image and let him go as soon as he didn't fit, but the song tended to just rip open the wound every time he heard it.

He turned on the shower, biting down hard on his lip to stop it quivering, testing the temperature with his hand and stepping under the spray. He knew they weren't worth being upset over, but it didn't take much to tip him over the edge these days, and he was very much hoping, as he had every morning, that this ritual he'd started would wash away the deep-seated sadness that he seemed to have stuck in his chest since the day they'd fought and lost. 

In a weird way his life was better now, sure he had flesh eating creatures and an alternate universe, but he also had people who loved him, people who appreciated him and depended on him. The scars of his shitty past didn't matter any more, not in the face of actual scars, not when the monster hunting them down was still out there, not when the people he loved needed someone to protect them.

He made quick work of washing his body, still gentle around his wounds. Eddie's exquisite sewing skills had more than done the trick at the time but all the strain he'd put on his body getting the five of them out of hell had ripped new holes into his skin and made a bigger mess than the bats ever had; it was only when he collapsed in the ER that any of them had even noticed he was bleeding again, the nurses had patched him back together, but his body was still tender. 

Just as he was shampooing his hair, the song changed again, only just about hearing Cyndi Lauper over the patter as he applied his conditioner. "If you're lost you can look, and you will find me, time after time", fresh tears quickly blurred his vision. Max. 

They'd been told off for the fifth time about having too many people visiting at once, Wendy threatened to never let any of them step foot in the building again, and they believed her too, just as the adults who still had jobs and needed to work had finally accepted that the kids could be there to be with the wounded in case they woke up. Nancy had sighed heavily but resigned herself to the job, not that it had taken her long to set up a visiting schedule; ten minutes of leaning over bits of paper with visiting times, days people could chauffeur, work and volunteer schedules, working out who could sit with who and when and she'd had it all figured out. 

They were just getting into the swing of things when El had snapped, hurling a plastic chair into the hospital wall, blood pouring from her nose, sucking in breaths like she'd just run a marathon before actually running from the room. Steve hadn't seen it happen, just heard the commotion through the wall and came running. No one had wanted to go after her; Mike, Dustin and Lucas all looking between each other like they were psychically discussing who'd drawn the short straw. 

Steve didn't bother to wait to find out what they'd decided, he'd just chased after her, finding her curled up in a ball in the corner of the corridor. He hadn't known what to say at first, "are you okay?" seemed like the dumbest question ever given the state of her. Plus he'd seen the two of them together when they'd had their day trip to the mall, he knew she was far from okay. He'd just knelt down beside her and wrapped her tightly in his arms when she'd mushed her face into his chest, stroking her back and rocking her slowly. 

Using his well versed technique of 'What Would Robin Do?' he asked what had happened. She just looked up at him with big sad eyes, a sob catching in her throat, her face crumpling as she'd broken down. Telling him that she couldn't find Max, that she'd been trying ever since she'd restarted Max's heart (with her mind!) but that she couldn't find her. She'd made him promise not to tell the others and as soon as he agreed, she'd promptly burst into uncontrollable sobs before he'd even had a chance to ask what that meant. All he could do was hope that Max wasn't either gone forever; or worse, stuck with One, enduring unimaginable torment.

The song had changed again as Steve switched off the water, stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel securely around his waist. Switching on the tap to run a bowl of water and grabbing the shaving foam and his razor from the medicine cabinet; glancing as quickly and as efficiently as he could in the mirror, doing his best to avoid his own reflection. He knew he looked rough, he didn't need confirmation. The scars around his neck were gnarly, his eyes were bloodshot with thick black bags underneath, his hair limp and uncared for, obvious even fresh from the shower. Ugh!

He let Billy Ocean's soulful voice wash over him, focusing on making neat lines in the foam and trying his best not to nick himself. It wasn't a song he'd heard before, but he liked it, the tune was gentle, he found himself swaying slightly, waiting with the razor poised, "I always stop and think of you especially, when the words of a love song, touch the very heart of me". Huh!

He forced himself to focus on the task at hand, he was going to be late if he didn't get a move on and the less he thought about love songs making him cry, the better. The song ended, and the DJ signed off letting the commercials play. Steve headed into his bedroom, half-heartedly blow-drying his hair just enough to stop it dripping down his collar, throwing on his jeans and sweater. 

Flicking off the radio, he jogged down the stairs, clicking the red flashing button on the answering machine as he passed the telephone table on the way to the kitchen to throw some bread in the toaster. The last time he'd seen Joyce, she'd made him promise that he'd eat, so he was eating, dry toast wasn't his favourite thing in the whole world, but it was nourishment.

Beep. "Dingus!" Robin whispered into the phone, causing Steve to grin, "it's one minute past twelve, so I can officially say Happy Birthday! Okay, that's all I wanted. See you later, love you." Beep.

Beep. "Steve-o! Happy Birthday! See you later, man!" Beep. That kid, Steve thought shaking his head fondly to himself.

Beep. "Happy Birthday, Steve!" El mumbled, she barely spoke these days. He felt honoured. She was quickly interrupted by Hop, "Is that Steve?" he asked, "No, just the machine," she responded followed by sounds of the receiver being passed from one person to another, "Happy Birthday, kiddo, we'll see you later, okay?" Beep.

Steve couldn't fight the lump in his throat, he tried to swallow around it, but it wasn't going anywhere. They were just… he didn't have the words. It meant so much that they'd thought of him. That Robin had snuck out of bed, had probably sat up by the phone until the clock struck midnight to make sure he knew she was thinking of him. She really was the best friend he'd ever had.

And the kids! Dustin calling was probably what had woken him. He didn't know when he'd decided on Steve-o as a nickname, but he liked it regardless, it made him feel like one of the gang instead of just the babysitter. With El, Steve wasn't sure whether it was a teenage phase or not being able to find Max, but he'd barely heard a peep out of her since her breakdown, he just hoped it wasn't the latter, so they wouldn't lose both girls to this fight.

He pressed replay, warmth filling him as he listened to Robin's message again. He missed her terribly when they weren't together, and he'd seen less and less of her recently. She'd basically been on house arrest since the "quake" and given she wasn't ready to tell her parents what she'd told Steve whilst high on truth serum, Mr and Mrs Buckley basically thought he was about to become their son-in-law. 

Unfortunately, it meant he couldn't sneak over to her house to sleep any more like he had after the mall and the one time Robin had snuck out to sleep at his, her dad had been so worried he'd called the cops. Luckily, Hop had been the one to get the call, sighing heavily when he'd picked her up from the McMansion (as Steve's house had been dubbed by the kids) with a "Sorry kid, but her mom's practically hysterical. Come stay at the cabin, get a good night's rest."

For once, Steve had done as he was told. The Party was tighter than ever, but there were still the few with families who got caught on the edge's that kept the group from becoming a totally codependent pack. None of them slept well any more, not without being curled around one of the others. Robin and Dustin had it bad, unable to explain what was going on and trapped by parents who loved them too much to let them out of their sight, but Steve thought Erica had it the worst.

Lucas was out of his mind with worry over Max, her parents were holding her tighter than ever and her best friend had moved away. She couldn't use sleepovers as an excuse to escape her family's grasp like Robin and Dustin could, she was having terrible nightmares, lashing out and blaming everyone for the state of Max's health, Steve just wished she’d let it out properly before she exploded. He'd tried to get her to once, used one of Robin's new psychology tricks but got nothing out of her but some sassy comment and a glare.

His toast popping out of the toaster dragged him out of his musings, tucking the dry, warm bread into a napkin, he grabbed his keys off the hook and headed out to the car. The sun was barely in the sky, but it was already unbearably warm, he was glad to be spending the day indoors. He liked being out early, the world seemed almost peaceful before the rest of the town had a chance to get out of bed. Normally he'd drive without the radio on, just with the window rolled down, letting the breeze finish drying his hair, enjoying the sounds of the world waking up, the birds singing, the wind rustling the trees, the roar of the beemers engine, but that damn song had turned into an earworm, just that little bit of melody and "saying I love you, I love you" whizzing around and around his head.

He sighed and flicked the radio on, the funky beat of Kiss making his head bounce, only being able to resist for a second before he was smacking the steering wheel in time with the beat. Steve couldn't think about much else with Prince singing in his ears, the sun beating down on his arm that dangled out of the open window, warming him as he bopped along. "I want to be your fantasy, maybe you could be mine. You just leave it all up to me, we could have a good time!" Steve hollered along, catching the attention of old Mr Baker, who was bent down collecting his paper as he sped by. He smirked at the old man's face as he caught him grumbling in the rearview mirror, making Steve chuckle.

The song was just ending as he pulled into the parking lot, it was always blissfully empty this early, just the cars of the staff and the overnight visitors. He threw the car into park as Let's Hear It For The Boy started, he contemplated sitting in the car just to listen, but he knew the song well enough, and he was edging ever closer to being late. Steve found he almost had a spring in his step as he switched off the engine and clambered out of the car, being careful as he crossed the road, the peppy tune well and truly stuck in his head. 

He waved to Edna at the front desk as he headed for the stairs (no way was he getting in a lift ever again, not after the last time) hearing Deniece Williams clearly in his mind as he turned the corner and all but hopped up the staircase, muttering "Maybe he's no Romeo, but he's my love and one man show, oh oh oh oh, let's hear it for the boy!" pausing on the step to wiggle along to the music in his head. One of the nurse's smirked at him as she skipped down the stairs, passing him with a giggle. Not that he minded he'd been reliably informed he was a good dancer, it did make him wonder if maybe he was finally losing it though, taking the rest of the steps two at a time, shaking his head trying to clear it. This is a hospital, for god's sake! What’s wrong with you?

Drifting quickly down the corridor, Steve gave a quick nod to Nurse Wendy, she was one of Owens’ and seemed to find the hospital environment rather alien, she didn't appreciate anything other than cordiality and silence while she worked. Sliding open the door, Steve found Wayne sitting as he always was in an uncomfortable plastic chair by Eddie's bedside; chatting aimlessly to his nephew and yawning every few words. 

He, Dustin and Steve had become close over the past few weeks, each taking turns to keep Eddie company. Wayne hadn’t wanted Steve anywhere near his nephew at first, not that Steve had been surprised by his reaction, hurt maybe but unsurprised. Wayne had relented when Dustin had regaled him with Steve’s “heroism” but Robin had been the one to convince Wayne that Steve was their friend, that he wasn't the dickhead jock who'd stood by and done nothing as Tommy had made Eddie's life hell; and that he was certainly nothing like the elder Harrington. Wayne had relented quickly, had warmed to Steve faster than he'd ever dared to hope, now he thought Wayne might even like him, just a little bit, even if it was because as Wayne put it, "well, at least you've got better taste in sports than you had in friends".

"G'Mornin'" Steve greeted, once Wayne finished with his tale. His stories were amazing, at first he’d started with just random tales but eventually when they realised it was going to take longer than any of them hoped for Eddie to wake, he’d started as far back as he could remember and was just slowly retelling his whole life story. Steve thought he should write a book, his life was fascinating and the more he listened, the more it was obvious where Eddie had got his storytelling abilities.

"Mornin'" Wayne returned, stretching his back before standing with a creak and a groan.

"No change?" Steve asked, looking over to Eddie's pale, sleeping form.

"No change," Wayne confirmed with a sigh.

Steve hummed, just watching Eddie for a second, hoping for a twitch, a flicker, anything really. Just any sign of life that he'd been praying for since cracked ribs and a ten minute repeat of “one and two and three” and screams to “drive faster!” Eddie didn't move, not more than the slow rise and fall of his gentle breathing that hadn't changed since he got out of surgery; Wayne did though, patting Steve on the shoulder as he passed by him with a quiet "G'night, son," successfully snapping Steve back into the moment. 

He turned quickly to catch Wayne on his way out, a fragile smile on his face and a lump forming in his throat, "Night, Wayne. Drive safe," Steve pleaded quietly. Wayne was as much one of them as Eddie was now, and the last thing any of them needed was more heartache. Wayne nodded with a slight smile, closing the door with a quiet snick, the noise kicking Steve into action; he rounded the bed picking up the tattered copy of The Hobbit off the bedside table and landing heavily in the still warm chair and flipping the book open in his lap.

Wayne might be a natural storyteller but not Steve, his childhood stories were either sad or stupid, but none of that mattered because here in this little cold side room all Steve could think was a repeat of please wake up. 

He was taking his first shift of watching over Eddie when he'd first spotted the book sticking out the top of the bag Wayne had brought for Eddie when he’d heard he was in the hospital. Honestly, Steve thought it looked like more of a go bag; Max’s bag was full of pyjamas and a dressing gown and slippers, a soft toy or two and some of her comics. Eddie’s bag was full of clothes, at least four pairs of jeans, a couple hoodies, a winter coat, underwear and cassettes. And the book, of course.

Steve wasn't much of a reader, he’d always hated assignments at school where reading an actual book was necessary, but he couldn't stand the silence, and he couldn't think of anything to say and Owens had said the best thing they could do was keep talking to him so he'd started to read. He was rubbish at it, stumbling every few words and making humming sounds every time he came across a word he didn't know or couldn't pronounce, but it filled the silence and given how dog-eared the pages were it was obviously a favourite of Eddie's, so he could only hope it was bringing him some comfort, wherever he was.

"Good morning, Edwin. How're you feeling, hmm? Comfy? It's a lovely day today, blue skies and green leaves, it's gonna be a warm one. It's my birthday, you know? Robin left a nice message, and the kids too. I wonder if I'll get a cake? I've never had a birthday with real friends before! I don't really know what to expect, but you've had your little club for a long time, you'd know, maybe you could wake up and tell me, hm? That'd be nice. No pressure though. How about we read some more? I quite like this book. I've never really had a favourite book, not since I grew out of the Mr Men ones anyway, but this one's good. Let's see where were we?"

Steve got as comfortable as he could on the crappy hospital furniture, flipped to the page he'd marked with a cafeteria napkin and began to read, letting the words flow over him and paint a picture of a group of disparates on an adventure together. He thought they were sort've like The Party, none of them really fit together either, not on paper anyway, but somehow it just worked; they, too, each had their own strengths vital for their collective survival. 

It saddened him in a way to think that if none of the Upside Down stuff had happened, that he wouldn't have any of this. As fucked up as this was right now, with Eddie and Max still unconscious; to not be called Dingus, or son, or Steve-o, that’s just not a life he’d want. Nor would he want a life without a platonic soulmate or a whole gaggle of little siblings. Without two mums and two dads, none of whom were biological, but parents in all the ways his never were. Without three older siblings in Argyle and Jon and Nancy because it wasn't half as weird as they all expected it to be; because none of them were those people any more. Those stupid teenagers were long dead, the shit they’d been through together far stronger than any hormonal teenage dickheadery.

He especially wouldn't want to be without an idiot who doesn't listen when Steve says don't be a hero because he also loves Dustin; because down to a choice of himself or their little brother he would always put himself in the firing line and as much as Steve had raged that Eddie was a dumbass, as soon as Robin had twisted it around, Steve hadn't been able to honestly say that he wouldn't have done exactly the same thing.

That didn't mean he didn't wish he could trade places with Eddie, didn't mean he didn't wish they'd had more time to get to know each other, didn't mean he didn't spend every spare second thinking about that walk to the Wheeler's, didn't mean he couldn't stop wishing Eddie would wake up, didn't mean he didn't hope for something more he could do to drag Eddie back into consciousness, just to hear his voice one more time, didn't mean he didn't wish he'd stayed with the boys, didn't mean he didn't yearn to know what Eddie had meant to say in that pause before he'd said "Make him pay!"

Steve realised he'd stopped reading, flicked over the page and picked up where Bilbo was imagining summer in his home, the same type of summer that was streaming through the hospital window, bathing Eddie’s sickly form in warm light. Steve hoped that wherever Eddie was, that he was somewhere happy, maybe he was berry picking with his uncle or playing with his band, maybe he was rough housing with Dustin while Steve and Robin watched on. 

He hadn't dared to ask El if she could find him, he couldn't bear to think they were both stuck somewhere unreachable, he wasn't sure his heart couldn't take it. 

He swiped roughly at his damp cheeks, swallowing hard, wiping the pages dry and smiling waterily at the group finding shelter and finally relaxing, creating smoke rings and thinking of Eddie doing the same thing at the last party they'd both been at. All the girls had gone wild and Steve chuckled to himself, knowing now that this book full of mythical creatures was where Eddie had probably got the inspiration, knowing how many hours Eddie must've taken to perfect his technique, knowing the girls who'd oohed and ahhed, knowing that most of them had never read a book in their lives, it was just funny. 

That was until it all went to shit for the allies; Steve read faster and faster, hoping that they'd make it safely out of the tunnels, thinking of the tunnels he'd fought in with the kids, remembering that moment he'd thought he and Dustin were toast, still able to feel the Demodogs racing by them. Then Bilbo was falling, and suddenly he was as unconscious as the boy in front of him. 

Steve sighed and shifted, leaning the book against Eddie's too still leg, he never thought he'd miss someone's nervous energy but even when Eddie had been still and quiet his leg would still always bounce, or his fingers would drum, it used to drive him crazy back in school, he used to wish the other boy would just sit still, mainly because he was struggling to concentrate, and the constant movement was a distraction, but now he longed for some form of movement, anything to add to the consistent rise and fall. 

Steve would usually keep the book up in front of his face so that lack of anything wasn't quite so obvious, but his back was aching and begging to be stretched, so Steve leaned his elbows on the bed either side of the book, propping his head up in his hands, trying to read the words faster in some bizarre hope that if Bilbo survived the pitch black alone that Eddie might too. The Gollum creature just was creepy, with the hissing and the glowing eyes and calling himself precious, it didn’t endear itself to Steve when Bilbo started a back and forth of riddles with it, the narrator commenting that because the reader was comfortable that the answers were somehow obvious.

“Not obvious to everyone,” Steve muttered mainly to himself, “I bet you knew these the first time you read them though, didn’t you Eds?" he asked just for something to say while he found his place again.

"No," muttered so softly and raspily it was almost inaudible, Steve's head snapping up to look at Eddie's face.

"Eddie? Did you speak, or have I finally lost it?" Steve asked disbelievingly. Eddie didn't speak again, but the corners of his mouth twitched upwards, puffing out a breath that could've been a laugh, immediately sucking one in through his teeth, hissing in pain.

"Wendy!" Steve screamed, jumping up and slamming the red button on the wall, only realising as he did that he'd wrenched his fingers from Eddie's grasp. Leaning his elbow by the side of Eddie's pillow, Steve peered down at him, placing his hand back into Eddie's, "Can you hear me, Eds?" he asked gently. Eddie made a rumbling sound followed by a quivering lip and a whine. "No, no. Don't try to talk, man. Can you squeeze my hand?" Steve asked, running his fingers carefully through Eddie's now sweaty hair, brushing it away from his face and neck. Eddie squeezed his fingers hard, choking a laugh out of Steve as his throat tightened, only realising he was crying when a tear splashed down onto Eddie's cheek, an intense feeling of relief and joy sweeping over him.

Steve had just enough time to wipe the moisture from Eddie's cheek before all hell let loose, nurses and doctors bustling in, Wendy gently removing Steve from Eddie's bedside but not from the room. His mind was racing, unable to really grasp onto anything, just watching detachedly as the professionals adjusted wires and tubes pressing buttons on machines, taking liquids from bottles with syringes and all Steve could think was that he was glad Wayne wasn't there to witness the chaos.

And all of a sudden, it hit Steve like a freight train. Wayne. He needed to know, but Steve was terrified that if he left the room that he'd wake up back in his bed, that Eddie wouldn’t have woken and that they’d be back stuck in the limbo that he might never wake. Steve glanced at the clock, knowing by the time that Dustin and Lucas should be next door watching over Max; it was unusual that they hadn’t come to check on Eddie, but if there had been traffic they just might not have had time.

"Dustin!" Steve yelled through the wall, one of the nurse's turning to snarl at him with a tut, obviously for being loud, but Steve couldn't have given less of a fuck, he just pulled a face at her behind her back when she turned back to Eddie. 

Dustin slammed into the room in less than a few seconds, clocking the chaos around Eddie and looking to Steve with wide, frightened eyes.

"He's awake, call Wayne," Steve instructed, Dustin didn't argue, didn’t fight the grin splitting his face either, "The plant or yours?" is all he asked. Steve was so grateful for this kid, glad in that moment that his little brother was a fucking genius. "Mine," Steve didn't even have time to finish the word before Dustin was gone from the door frame.

There was a bit more hustling around the bed before slowly but surely the nurses and doctors started to file back out, leaving Owens and a once again unconscious Eddie.

"What did you do?" Steve raged, his voice so low and hard it was hardly recognisable even to his own ears. Owens at least had the good sense to approach slowly, hands up and placating, except Steve couldn't hear him over the blood rushing in his ears, panic and fury blurring his senses.

"...ve, Steve, Steven!"

His eyes snap from Eddie's form where he'd been desperately watching Eddie's chest rise and fall, to Owens, who swallowed visibly and took a step backwards.

"We didn't do anything, Steve. I know he's been asleep for a long time, but it's going to take a while for him to get used to being awake again. He's just resting right now; healing like he's supposed to. Now he's regained consciousness, his chances are much better. We're not out the woods yet, but we're a step closer, okay? I'll check in again later, alright?" Owens said calmly as he backed out of the room, leaving Steve alone to nod to himself.

Steve didn’t know how long he stood there nodding to himself, the next thing he acknowledged was Dustin crashing back into the room, all but ready to throw himself at Eddie. Steve quickly stepped between them, blocking Dustin’s path. He parroted everything Owens told him and only allowed himself a breath when Dustin grinned toothily. And Steve, even though he couldn't quite believe what just happened, couldn't help but grin back.

"What a birthday present, huh?" Dustin teased, as he headed out the door back to Max's room.

Steve's hands landed automatically on his hips, yelling after him to shut up, even though he could hear Dustin cackling and feel his own cheeks burning, fucking smartass. 

He sighed, mentally arguing with the kid, desperately trying to come up with a response for next time, when Wayne came dashing in; Steve suddenly felt guilty for disturbing him, but he had promised he'd call if Eddie even so much as twitched. He repeated to Wayne what had happened in as much detail as he could remember, Wayne's smile growing and growing until it looked like his face might split in two, he grabbed Steve around the head and kissed him firmly on the forehead with a relieved “Thank you.” Steve’s brain shorted out when Wayne pulled him into a hug, all he could do was blink owlishly at the wall until his brain kicked in, and he wrapped his arms around Wayne purely on instinct, Wayne squeezing him tight before letting him go. 

He insisted on staying, much to Steve's dismay given the poor man had already been up all night and that he couldn't have had more than a few hours sleep, but he just waved Steve off, merely reiterating that he can sleep anywhere, that he'd been in the army, snd that he didn't need a cushty bed. 

Wayne had only caved about staying at the McMansion after the third or fourth day in that godawful chair, and then he had bemoaned that beds that comfortable should be illegal, that he'd been spoiled for life; Steve had just mentally renamed the spare room "Wayne's room", he knew Owens was sorting them some new accommodation, but he was kind of hoping he and Eddie would choose to stay. 

The house had never felt emptier since his parents phone call, they hadn't even tried to get a hold of him really, they'd just left a message saying that they'd heard about the quake, requesting he give them a call to let them know if there'd been any damage to the property, so they could claim on the insurance. Steve had nearly thrown the answering machine at the wall. Robin had just sighed, told him she didn't know why he continued to let them disappoint him when he had all the family he'd ever need. He knew she was right, that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. He hadn't bothered to call them back, and he hadn't heard from them since.

Wayne went down to the phones to call in sick then folded himself into the bedside chair, the one that was technically meant for patients, not that any of them had dared to use it for fear that they’d get too comfortable and nod off and miss out on any changes, but Wayne trusted Steve to wake him, he just wanted to be here to see his nephew. Steve couldn't blame him.

He gently placed his plastic chair back next to the bed, he hadn't realised he'd flung it across the room when he'd jumped up earlier. Both Munson's were sleeping peacefully and although a little piece of Steve's soul had settled, he still felt jittery in the almost silence. He grabbed the book back from the night stand, unsure as to how it'd ended up there, flicking through the pages trying to see where he'd last got to.

He propped the book back against Eddie's thigh, tucking his feet under his chair and resting his elbows on the edge of the bed. Originally, he started off reading to himself, not wanting to disturb either of them. He found he could actually read quite quickly to himself, and got through a whole chunk of the story just muttering commentary on the story to himself. But eventually, his eyes started to get tired, and he just started mumbling along with the story, trying desperately to stay awake. 

"How the fuck are you supposed to say that? Eye-ry, ear-ry, err-ry, I don't fucking know, I'm not entirely sure what that's even supposed to be," Steve muttered with a sigh.

"It's their nest," Eddie whispered, rasping and hoarse, tightening his grip on Steve's fingers, where he'd once again been absentmindedly stroking up and down Eddie's hand while he read.

Steve sat up straighter, so he could reach the glass of water with a straw that'd been left on the table, pressing the straw gently against Eddie's lips, "Hey, you," he said softly, "only sips, Eds, or you'll make yourself sick," he murmured putting the glass back on the side when Eddie let go of the straw.

"Thanks, man," Eddie murmured and sighed, sinking back into the pillow. Steve turned to give Wayne a nudge when Eddie squeezed his hand hard, "Don't," he pleaded. Steve hesitated but found he couldn't deny Eddie anything and was rewarded with a soft smile when Steve turned back to him, "He okay?" he asked.

Nodding, Steve ran his thumb over the back of Eddie's hand, "Yeah, we're taking good care of him," he promised.

Eddie hummed, tried to smile again, but it was obvious how much effort it was taking, "'nd Dust'n?" he mumbled, eyes drifting closed.

Steve couldn't help smiling to himself, "Next door, watching over Max."

Eddie's eyes sprung open, "Not Red?" he whined, big brown eyes sadder than Steve had ever seen them.

"'fraid so. She'll be okay though, she's a fighter like you!" Steve muttered, determination lacing his tone because he believed you had to believe something wholeheartedly if you wanted it to go your way.

Eddie let out a little sceptical huff, eyes already closed and breaths evening out. Steve was just about to go back to reading quietly when Eddie made a little incoherent noise. "Hm? You need something, Eds?" Steve asked quietly, standing to lean over him, brushing his hair away from his face where it'd got stuck to his cheek when he'd turned to look at Wayne.

"'m sorry," Eddie murmured, trying to open his eyes, Steve just huffed out a humourless laugh, sitting back down. 

"Nah, man, got nothing to be sorry for," he muttered, swallowing around the lump in his throat, "Go back to sleep," he whispered, stroking the back of Eddie's hand rhythmically. Eddie listened this time, whether through choice or sheer exhaustion, Steve didn't know, he was just glad Eddie was resting.

Steve took a deep breath, scrubbing his spare hand over his face, he didn't know what was wrong with him today. Eddie was fine, he was on the mend, there was no reason to be upset, yet he couldn't stop the tears rolling down his cheeks. He wasn't sad exactly, it all just felt like too much, all the previous weeks of worry, the lack of sleep, the constant stress of it all going to hell again before they even had chance to recover. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand on his shoulder, Dustin tended to pop in at lunchtime to give Steve a chance to get some lunch and stretch his legs. But being met with those big concerned eyes just tipped the scales in the wrong direction, he grabbed Dustin round the middle and pulled him into his arms. 

"What's wrong?" Dustin whispered, rubbing Steve's back soothingly, which just made him feel all the more guilty because he was supposed to be the strong one for the kids, not the other way around.

"Nothing," Steve murmured, sucking in a deep breath and coughing around the lump in his throat, pushing the feelings as far down as he could, letting Dustin go with a pat on his shoulder, "Nothing, I'm fine, everything's fine," he lied.

Dustin obviously saw through it but didn't push him, just demanded a Coke from the cafeteria as Steve got up and headed for the door, making him laugh. Steve loved him so much, especially when he was a little shit.

Heading straight to the bathroom, Steve splashed cold water on his face, leaning on the sink and looking at himself in the mirror. It'd been years since he looked this rough, his hair floppy and dry as hell, black and bloodshot eyes from the lack of sleep, even his skin wasn't quite the colour it was supposed to be but eating dry toast in your car and crappy hospital sandwiches will do that, he supposed.

He sighed heavily, pushing off the sink, he headed to the cafeteria, grabbing lunch for the four of them and Dustin's Coke, picking up a Diet one too just to annoy him with, in the hopes his moaning and whinging would buoy him for the rest of the day. 

Steve bobbed in to eat lunch with Lucas and spend some time with him and Max like he always did, before heading back to relieve Dustin. Lucas barely wanted to talk these days, just wanted to continue to read to Max in the hopes that she could hear them.

Knowing what El had told him just made him feel guilty, but he’d promised he wouldn't say anything and given there wasn't anything else he could do for her, in the very least it was making Lucas feel useful. If anything Steve thought he sounded a little more annoyed than usual today, but he didn't dare to ask, he just put it down to the fact that Eddie had come back while Max was still lost.

Wayne was awake and chatting with Dustin and Eddie when Steve got back. They all looked tired, but they were smiling, even if they did have tear tracks down their faces. Steve didn't say anything, just squeezed Eddie's foot as he passed by him handing Wayne and Dustin their lunch, who as suspected kicked off about his drink giving them all something to giggle about until he pulled out the red can, the petulant look on Dustin’s face making the three adults in the room laugh harder.

Eddie soon fell back asleep, then after they’d eaten Dustin went back to Max and Wayne decided he was going to find some decent coffee, which was code for he was going for a smoke. Steve sighed as everything settled down again, back to the normal they'd settled into over the past few weeks, except he felt free now to get comfortable in his chair resting his head on his folded arms on the side of the bed. He told himself he wasn't sleeping, just resting his eyes, but Robin made him jump when she came bounding into the room.

"Happy Birthday, Dingus!" she yelled, waking both him and Eddie with a start.

"Jesus, Bobs, shh," Steve chastised, trying to soothe Eddie back to sleep by rubbing his thumb across his knuckles where their hands had yet again ended up connected.

"Sorry," she muttered, not sounding sorry in the slightest. It'd been her way of trying to wake Eddie and Max, blasting into their rooms all loud and full of energy, like a kids entertainer at a birthday party.

"Mornin' Edwin, done sleeping?" she teased, waggling his toes, Steve knew she wanted to hug him, but Eddie's legs were the only place he hadn't been bitten, and she didn't want to hurt him like she had Steve when they'd finally got Eddie to the hospital, and she'd all but thrown herself at him; he'd hissed involuntarily, and she'd cried for an hour even though the pain had gone before she'd even had chance to let go.

"Stop tiring him out, he's supposed to be resting," Steve grouched, reluctantly letting go of Eddie, standing up to grab another plastic chair for her to sit beside him at Eddie's bedside.

She tutted and rolled her eyes dramatically before all but flopping into the hard chair, making Steve wince on her behalf. Now he'd sat back in his chair he didn't know what to do with his arms, it felt weird to reach across and take Eddie's hand, folding them over his chest felt too confrontational, letting them flop by his sides felt weird, finally settling on placing them in his lap. 

Robin was just watching him amusedly, "So, having a good birthday?" she asked with a smirk. All he could do was narrow his eyes at her, Wayne was back and watching them knowingly, trying not to smile. 

Steve looked between the two of them before shrugging as nonchalantly as he could manage, "Better than last year," he answered not half as blasé as he would've liked, it wasn't exactly a lie given anything would've been better than last year when everyone had forgotten.

Robin just hummed thoughtfully, leaving them in uncomfortable silence. She'd been a nightmare since she’d started reading psychology books; she was worried about their collective mental health and wanted to have constructive ways to help, but it seemed to Steve that she was just using everything she was learning to torture him.

"How's your mom and dad?" Steve asked, trying to deflect onto a new topic.

"They're good," she replied, letting the silence linger, glancing at Wayne with a playful smile.

The silence was deafening, it made him want to babble endlessly and at the same time say nothing at all, just out of sheer stubbornness.

Luckily, he was saved from their torture by Mike, El and Will, the three of them came in every day to check on Eddie before going to see Max; which Steve thought was sweet given Mike was the only one who actually knew Eddie. He just knew Eddie was going to adore Will, they were like peas in a pod, and he couldn't wait for them to meet properly.

"Dustin said he woke up," Mike said as though that was his excuse for being there, not that it was something as wild as him caring whether Eddie lived or not.

"'m here, y'know," Eddie grumbled, making Mike's whole face light up.

"Eddie!" Mike cheered, heading towards him for a hug.

"Careful!" Steve yelled automatically, Mike pausing mid-step to glare at him.

"I know!" he snapped, carefully placing his hands either side of Eddie's shoulders and leaning gently into him.

"How're you, man?" Mike enquired, purposefully ignoring everyone else in the room, while Steve purposefully ignored Wayne and Robin's knowing gaze.

"Not dead!" Eddie teased, finally prying his eyes open, looking behind Mike at Will and El who waved warmly. "Hi," Eddie croaked, Mike grabbed the drink off the bedside and placed the straw against Eddie's lips.

"This is El and Will, y’know? The ones I told you about," Mike reminded him, focusing on the water leaving the glass.

Eddie just hummed, releasing the straw, doing his best to smile at the newcomers, his eyelids drooping.

Steve had already had enough, Eddie was supposed to be sleeping so he could heal, "Alright, you three, he needs his rest. Visiting's over. Out! Go harass Dustin!" Steve demanded, standing to physically shoo them out the door while Robin and Wayne giggled.

"Don't make me throw you out, too, Buckley!" he threatened, pointing at her with a hand on his hip as the door slid shut behind the kids.

She lifted her hands placatingly, with a delighted smirk, "Here, sit. I've brought your gift," she announced, gesturing to his chair.

Steve couldn't help the endeared smile splitting his face; he hadn't had a birthday present in a long time, his parents just added money to his account, he had no other family, and he hadn't got one from a friend since Tommy.

Robin reached into her bag and pulled out a rectangular box wrapped in blue paper, "It's not much, and I know nothing could top waking from a coma," she muttered rolling her eyes playfully in Eddie's direction, "but I hope you like it," she added with a soft smile.

Steve felt his lip quiver again, biting on it hard enough he tasted iron. He didn't care what was in the box, well he cared, he just didn't mind if the box was the present, he already had the best friend in the whole world, what else could he want. He smiled gratefully at her, hoping she could see without him needing to say it, before tearing off the blue wrapping and lifting the lid.

As soon as he saw what was in the box, tears started to fill his eyes, blurring his vision, no amount of self-control would be able to stop the wave of gratitude for the girl in front of him.

"Sorry it's a bit homemade," she mumbled as he continued to stare at his gift. All Steve could do was shake his head, a smile on his face even as tears poured down his face, tugging her into an awkward hug over the box.

"It's the best," he whispered, releasing her to stare down in awe at his present again. It was a picture frame, but inside was all bits of their friendship; a few Polaroids of the two of them, a napkin from Scoops, their name badges sitting side by side in the middle, tickets from the Star Wars movie they went to see together, quotes from songs they loved written on Family Video receipts, the dried flowers of the daisy chain he'd made her while they were hanging out in her garden, the matching friendship bracelets they'd bought from that street artist when they'd gone to Indy last year and immediately lost, newspaper clippings of a game they'd both played at, a little picture of Kermit the frog. 'The Band Geek And The Jock' written across the top of the frame in bubble writing, and 'Platonic With A Capital P' written across the bottom.

He felt the sob hiccup out of his chest, too overwhelmed to do anything to stop it. Knowing it was the most thoughtful gift he'd ever received, he wondered how he was even supposed to begin to thank her.

Looking up at his little miracle, he saw her watching him with sad concerned eyes, "You can just say if you think it's awful," she joked, making a tearful laugh burst out of him.

Shaking his head, he swallowed hard, "It's wonderful. You're wonderful. How'd I get so lucky, huh?" he asked rhetorically pulling her into another hug, "Thank you," he murmured, hugging her tighter, wanting to snuggle into her neck but not wanting to get snot on her top or in her hair, he let her go.

Eddie whined, demanding their attention. He was awake, watching him and Robin with the softest fond expression, opening and closing his hand like Holly used to when she wanted something. Steve automatically placed his hand in Eddie's causing a choked little sound to come out of the three of them, only for him to realise that Eddie probably wanted to see the frame, his cheeks flushed crimson and just as he was about to let go, both Robin and Wayne put a supportive hand on either of his shoulders, starting up a conversation between themselves about the latest conspiracy theory to be printed in the local paper.

Steve stayed perfectly still, afraid of breaking the moment. He'd never felt safer, more loved or supported as he did right then, than he had in his entire life, and it was almost bizarre how these three random people he'd barely known a year ago could give that to him so easily. Eddie squeezed his hand gently, blinking owlishly with a soft smile. Steve gently lifted his present onto Eddie's stomach, so he could see it, he tried to lift his other hand up to touch the frame, but it was proving too much, drifting off again with his dimples on display and a gentle hum.

Taking the gift back and placing it carefully back into the box to keep it safe, placing it on the bedside with The Hobbit knowing he wouldn't miss it there when he headed home later. Robin was still deep in conversation with Wayne, telling him about her grandma's worries about their safety after the "quake", Steve already knew that she wanted them to move away, Robin had called him in a panic when she'd heard her parents discussing whether they should.

He caught Robin's eye and gestured to the door, slipping out when she smiled and nodded in acknowledgement. Slipping the door shut behind him, Steve hurried towards the bathroom, he just needed a minute, but a familiar curly head of hair was already pushing open the door. Turning on his heel, his sneakers squeaking on the linoleum floor, he headed toward the exit only to bump into Wendy giving Sam an update on Max. The breath was coming shorter and shorter in his chest as he blindly opened the nearest door stepping inside and slamming it shut behind him; sliding down the painted wood to the cold floor, knocking his knee on a bucket because by some streak of luck, Steve found himself in the janitor's closet.

It was all just too much and the thing was none of it was bad, everything was so, so good, the nicest present he'd ever had, Eddie waking up after what felt like forever, the love and support of the people he now classed as family. He had no idea why it felt like there was an elephant sitting on his chest or like he'd had a rock semi-permanently lodged in his throat since he'd woken up. It just hadn't really felt real until now, the few nice dreams he had had been of Eddie waking up or him never getting hurt in the first place, of waking curled around each other, of Eddie smiling at him the way he had in the RV, the way he had on their walk to the Wheeler's house, the way he used to in the cafeteria. 

And he hadn't really needed to deal with the feelings those dreams had brought up until he'd put his hand in Eddie's, and they'd all made that okay. With Eddie, it'd be possible to blame the drugs he's being pumped with to keep him comfortable, but Steve knew that Wayne knew his nephew, knew that he knew what others had only suspected for as long as he could remember. And he knew Robin knew him, as well, if not better than he knew himself sometimes. Hell, even Nancy had suspected when he'd offered to be by Eddie's bedside whenever he was needed; she'd just looked at him the same way she looked at any puzzle and then had pencilled him into every gap without question and with an accepting smile. 

Hugging his knees to his chest, he focused on righting his breathing, taking slow purposeful breaths, wiping his face and focusing on the objects around him until he felt he could breathe again. He'd spent so long pretending, so long trying to be someone he wasn't, trying to be the perfect Harrington that dealing with feelings when they arose and the shame he felt in feeling them in front of others was hard but when his breathing settled, it was like he could breathe easier than he had in a long time, despite the chemical stench inside the cupboard. 

Climbing slowly to his feet he crept out of the small space and headed to the bathroom to wash his face, splashing cold water onto his cheeks felt nice, and somehow his reflection felt easier to deal with than it had this morning, sure he still had scars and dark circles, his hair was still horrendous, and his cheeks were puffy but for once looking at himself in the eye felt less like a lie.

Once he was calm and dry, Steve wanted to check in with Sam, the guy had been a group favourite since he'd come charging into the hospital demanding to see his daughter and he seemed to like all of them too, appreciated that his little girl hadn't been left alone for a single second. He'd been wary of Steve at first, he thought it was weird that an older male was hanging around a bunch of kids, sitting with his baby, but the other parents seemed to have got through to him in a way the kids hadn't been able to that Steve was their babysitter, that they trusted him with their kids lives. 

Hop and Joyce had been the ones to really affix in Sam's mind that Steve wasn't a threat, and the two of them advocating for him after all they'd been through over the years, felt amazing, he finally felt like one of the group once Joyce had wrapped her arms around him, thanking him for all he'd done; for keeping them safe, for walking into battle when he didn't have to. Hop had just put a hand on his shoulder and asked "Y'okay kiddo?" letting Steve fall into his chest with the relief that he wasn't dead, that finally the grown-ups were there, because as much as he had spent his youth wanting to be older, wanting to be away from his parents, so he could do whatever he wanted, it felt like a relief that a real adult would be in charge from now on.

He knocked and entered when Sam shouted for him to come in, smiling a small smile at Steve and carrying on with the book he was reading aloud as Steve sat on the plastic chair next to him. "How's she doing?" he asked when Sam finished the chapter and closed the book; Wendy always gave more info to the grown-ups than she ever did to the kids.

"The same," Sam sighed, stretching out the muscles in his back from being hunched over the book, "Happy Birthday," he added with a genuine smile, "Dustin wouldn't shut up about it. Lucas looked 'bout ready to kick his ass!" he told Steve with a laugh.

"Thanks," Steve murmured, he hadn't come in to talk about him, but maybe Sam just needed to think about anything else for five minutes. 

He told Sam about the gift Robin had given him, Sam smiled wistfully, "Susan used to make me things like that," he muttered fondly. 

For once, he didn't have it in him to correct Sam's assumption, just asked "Oh, yeah?" Let Sam tell him stories of his and Susan's courtship, of their happier years together, if nothing else Steve hoped Max could hear them, thought it might please her to know that her parents were happy once, that they had loved each other and her.

It was a while before Robin poked her head around the door with a "err, Steve?" her smile a little uncertain even as she waved at Sam, who jostled Steve playfully and waved them off with a small smile picking up his book and continuing to read to Max.

"What was that about?" Robin asked bemusedly.

"Eh, nothing. What's up?" Steve asked tiredly, it'd been a long day and as much as he hated to leave, he was about ready to curl up in bed.

"Nothing, Eds was just asking for you," she murmured, turning into Eddie's room, letting Steve follow lazily to find…

"SURPRISE!" everyone cheered, and by everyone Steve meant everyone, he was honestly surprised that they all fit into one room. Wendy was going to lose her shit.

"C'mon Dingus," Robin sighed, dragging him further into the room, "This is your party, no use standing in the doorway!" she chastised playfully leaving him at the foot of Eddie's bed where he was looking a hell of a lot more awake and had a sheet cake laid out across his shins because godforbid they used the table like normal people.

Dustin was finishing lighting the candles with Wayne's lighter, then made little conductor hands at the group, who all jumped into a chorus of 'Happy Birthday'.

Steve didn't know what to do with himself, he just stood there awkwardly, smiling gratefully at every person in the room. They were all there, the Wheelers and little Holly, the Sinclairs, Claudia, Hop and Joyce, Argyle and Jon and Nancy, the kids all smiling at him encouragingly, dare he say it lovingly.

He hadn't been sung to since he was a boy, he couldn't help feeling emotional, a tear escaping down the side of his face when Dustin and Erica wrapped an arm each around his middle, another tear splashing down into Dustin's curls as he looked down at them both wrapping his arms around their shoulders. The singing eventually stopped and Wayne muttered that maybe he should "blow out the candles, before there's more wax than frosting" making them all chuckle. 

He released the kids and bent over the foot of the bed to do as he was asked when Robin yelled, "Don't forget to make a wish!'

A wish?! Looking around the room, at friends and family gathered for his birthday, at the pile of presents sitting in the corner of the room, at Robin's gift and the tattered old book and Eddie's tired but smiling face. There was only one thing missing from this picture, something he could only wish would be different in the next year.

Some wishes in life you know will come true, like putting your hand in someone else's and them tightening their grip, like going to hug your best friend when you're snotty and disgusting and them hugging you back, like a kiss on the forehead or a hand on your shoulder, like Hop's was as Steve looked bewilderedly around the room, warm and protective.

Some wishes though you had to hope for with your whole chest, some wishes were just that, but as he looked at El and Lucas he knew he wasn't the only one wishing with his whole heart as he took a deep breath extinguishing all the tiny flames to a round of applause.

Nothing could make his birthday more perfect than having his little sister by his side again, but this right here, with sleepy eyes and sibling support and more loving parents than any kid could ever dream of, with his soulmate who he has no doubt orchestrated this whole event in a hospital room, this was as close as they could get to perfect for now.

[error-elf-206]

I'm trying to read mark of Athena rn but somebody gotta tell me why everyone in this book is so fucking insufferably miserable like omgggggsss at least leos Trying to be fun but its in like the most dated 2000s kids show type shit way ever I am Trying to like these characters but this book fr has me disliking PERCY like fr the f you mean your scared of water now???? Like 'owh I choawed on swome mud fwor a biwt and now I'm scwared of MY OWN ELEMENT???? Like if it was wide areas of earth or mud or grassy dirt id get it - Percy playing the floor is lava cross-continental would be fun and interesting and would work with the 'we can't cross land' thing rick half toys with ig but fuck this is insuffffferraabllleeeee everyone in this book is either annoying pissy or annoying miserable!

AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON PIPER I swear I am trying to like her but fr shes the worst. Nowone on gives a fuck about your muscle queen girl get a life !! Honestly!! She's such a fucking hater of everybodyy like, she is so obv PRAYING for Percy's downfall atp for like no reason!! And worse I fr think she's made Annabeth worse with it like?? Tell me I'm wrong. You can't. I'm having to force myself to listen to her POV cause I KNOW there's plot but itttsss ssoooo misseerraableeee her charecter swings between the 2000s mean rich girl stereotype and the wattpad yn mc so fucking fast and so often I can't tell what I hate more, I know factually she's native but the raw insufreble white girl energy she's giving of is PERMIATING. Im honestly so upset I'm trying g Really hard to like her for the (evental?) wlw but OMGGGG IS SHE MAKING THIS HARD.

And also why does every point, plot or call back need ten repetions to be understood and a full paragraph break for emphasis lkek We! Get! It!

[maxaroniiiii]

forgetting

[loregoddess]

damn I knew the Nibelheim section was gonna be kinda sad, but did the devs really, really have to go and make it sadder?

[leonardoeatscarrots]

Yet another au piece featuring Mercutio from The Peculiar Compendium of Victor Van Wolfe by Bobby Rizzo on Webtoons

[number1neneliker]

"Lily! "

I love this goober.

The favourite of my goobers.

[gerudospiriit]

[I don't know why this old, kinda HC came to mind yesterday, but I was spurred to post it because tragic and I wrote a post from @divineprank that just reignited the thoughts. I'll put it under the cut because the material CAN be a little sensitive to some, and I do know some people who went through this.

So, I actually had the idea that Nabooru was pregnant around the time Koume and Kotake kidnapped an brainwashed her. I was on the fence of whether or not she knew (leaning on she did because that's even MORE tragic). but Twinrova definitely found out, likely while doing the brainwashing thing because magic or at least down the road when she started to show and whatnot. Either way, because they despised the idea of her being engaged to Ganondorf in the first place, let alone being the mother of his daughter. So they...took care of it with their magic before Ganondorf could find out. And, since Nabooru was under their spell, she wouldn't have fought it.

Bonus angst: When Nabooru comes out of the brainwashing, she remembers she was pregnant before. She assumes she likely lost the kid, but there's always this thought in the back of her mind that maybe one of the girls training has some of her features or remind her a little of herself. In the back of her mind, she's always wondering if one of the those kids is actually hers and she has no idea.]

[readingwriter92]

me: I should see if I have anymore ideas for a bridgewater fic before the new season starts bc that trailer is getting me excited

also me: what if we wrote out an entire x-men au (bc we're still on that apparently) that's super self indulgent and you'll never get around to finishing???

[theskyexists]

wrote fanfic. how to end it.

[dollaches]

— my wait is you

♡ closeted!abby anderson x fem!reader

synopsis: after deciding to stop seeing abby completely due to her inability to commit, she drops everything to make it up to you

a/n: from a req… im so sorry this sucks so bad & i did not proofread

warnings: closeted abby duh, owen gets his own tw, internalized homophobia i guess (?), mentions of crying, improper communication, secret relationships, kissing, sorta established relationship, whiney and needy abby, pussydrunk abs lol, dry humping (THE CROWD GOES WILD), face sitting, abby is a messy eater and a MUNCH, make up sex, mentions of strap usage, cursing, a little bit of angst in the beginning if you squint and turn your head away a little bit, fluff, cliffhanger idk if i’ll make a pt2, and pet names

wc: 3.8k

The bustle from all the people in the dining hall made it impossible to think and in some ways that was comforting, yet everyone's presence was a bit too overwhelming at the moment. 

You dropped a half finished sandwich into the trash, having no appetite after what you endured today. As you walk back towards your assigned room, the memories of Abby’s betrayal come flooding back. 

 It didn’t take long for you to realize that she wanted to live a double life, one in which she was with Owen and another where she was with you.But you were not going to give her the pleasure of having both, not when it’s fucking with your head as badly as it is.

Today you had been assigned patrol with Abby, who you just so happened to be avoiding like the plague as of late. It was easier to avoid her, as you knew if she were to look at you with her kind eyes, you would give in to her every request. 

Fate seemed to be against you, as you had the daunting task of facing her for almost an entire day. You brushed off every attempt she made to speak with you, your gun held tightly in your hands as the two of you left the base. 

The gentle “hey” that fell from her lips was only met with silence, your eyes focused on the path ahead. She knew you were pissed— knew she fucked up badly enough to ruin everything the two of you had built together. But she just didn’t know how to apologize to you for being unable to be openly out with you. 

Tension between the two of you became so thick during your journey that you could’ve cut it with a knife, but you refused to budge. 

Even when she tried to soothe you a bit by offering to stop by the old desolate book store the two of you had found, she was met with silence before you simply shook your head and looked away from her. 

It was eating away at every inch of her being, her hands twitching at her sides as she yearns to get her hands on you. She misses being close enough to breathe in your sweet scent, misses the way your soft hands felt against her skin— she missed everything. 

To you, she was simply being a pain and rubbing it in your face that she had chosen to be with Owen rather than you. So during the entire trip, you remained silent and didn’t allow Abby any comfort for once. She eventually went quiet, her jaw clenched tightly and her eyes narrowing at your form as the two of you got back to base. 

And even now as you walked towards the door to your room, you felt anger bubbling within your tummy due to the fall out between the two of you. Just as your hand touched the cool metal of the knob, you felt two warm hands rest on your waist. 

Your brows furrowed out of confusion, although you knew who was touching you just by the weight of their hands. 

Spinning to face her, you push Abby’s hands away and let a deep frown settle onto your lips. You offer her no words, simply taking her in as she stands before you. 

She looks tired, frustration etched into her features as she gazes down at you.

“What the fuck was all that today?” she questions, her anger showing despite the quietness of her voice. She’s keeping it down as per usual, never wanting anyone to even notice the two of you interacting beyond work duties.

“You haven’t let me speak to you for weeks. I miss you, okay? I get that you’re upset with me but don’t give me the silent treatment, just tell me I fucked up and let’s move on” she pleads, her words so rushed from nerves that you barely comprehend what she has said. 

Her words only make you want to scream at her, to make a huge scene just to show her how much she has hurt you. But you push it down, keeping your voice just as low as hers is.

“I’m not going to ‘move on’ from you dating some asshole that you don’t even like. I’m tired of you using me to satisfy your own needs so find some other girl who is willing to be your dirty little secret” you mutter bitterly, glancing down to notice the way her hands were flexing as she opened them only to clench them into fists once more. 

“I don’t want to see you anymore, Abby. And don’t even think about knocking on my door when he can’t give you what you want.” you seethe, turning your back on her and entering your room without giving her time to completely process your words before you slam the door in her face. 

Abby is left wide eyed, her plush lips parted as she is left alone with your harsh words. She goes to knock on your door out of instinct but pauses, her brows furrowing as irritation and desperation make an ugly mix within her. She lowers her hand, now moving with a determined stride towards Owen’s room. 

♡

With little to console you after the altercation, you had made the prompt decision to bury your face into your pillow and let your thoughts fade away as you fell into a dreamless sleep. It was comfortable, being so detached from everything around you even if it was only for a little while. 

However, any solace you had found was ripped from your hands as a heavy knock sounds on the door. A low groan sounds throughout your small room as you blindly move your hand onto the side table to try and find the lamp. 

Once the light switches on, another loud knock can be heard, the door shaking from the force. The second knock makes you rush towards the door, unsure of what to expect but believing it to be urgent. 

That is until you swing open the door, the dimly lit hallway showing you a very broken down Abby. Her braid has become messy and loose, her eyes red rimmed and glassy. She looks like a kicked puppy, so lost and scared. 

“I broke up with him, okay? It’s done, I swear” she blurts out breathlessly, not even giving you the chance to speak. The information takes a while to set in, the cogs in your mind slowly turning as you realize what she had said. 

It was over. She was yours and only yours now. 

It’s hard to speak as you try to process everything, leaving Abby with an aching silence. Tears begin to roll down her rosy cheeks, a pitiful whine emitting from her. 

“I know you’re probably still mad but please let me stay. You don’t even have to talk to me if you don’t want to, that’s fine. I just— I can’t be alone right now” she whispers weakly, taking a step closer to you so that she is standing inside your room. 

She sounds absolutely pathetic and you can’t help but relish in this moment, her pain making up for all you had gone through these last few weeks. You let her come inside, simply shutting your door as a sign that she can stay for the night. 

But you’re toying with her, knowing exactly where all these pent up emotions are coming from. You don’t let her get too close, as you want to see just what she wants from you. 

“Thank you, thank you” she breathes, relieved to at least be welcome in your room once more. Her shaky hand pushes back her hair to soothe herself, the ache in her body worsening as she realizes you’re wearing the smallest pair of pajama shorts she has ever seen. 

It’s enough to leave her feeling dizzy, her eyes flickering back up to meet your own. “You look absolutely perfect” she mumbles, no tears to be found as she feels countless weeks worth of energy beginning to boil over. 

Her words make you feel all warm inside, as you know she is all yours now. You need her just as much as she needs you but you are unwilling to confess that just yet. 

So you give her a soft hum of acknowledgment at her words, simply turning away and mindlessly rearranging your bed, purposely bending over so your shorts ride up just enough for her to see your panties. 

Abby is falling apart in your hands, her eyes lingering on your ass far too long. She had spent these last few weeks picturing you just like this, her fingers buried in her cunt as she got off to the thought of you. 

But now here you were in all your glory, and she wasn’t about to let this opportunity pass. With a few quick steps, she is behind you, your back pressing against her chest as she pins you down against the bed with ease. 

“What the fuck” you huff, your brows furrowing as you try to squirm out of her grasp but to no avail. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so fucking sorry, can’t you see that?” she whispers, her arms being wrapped around you so tight, scared that you would leave her at any moment. 

Seconds after she speaks, her hips begin rocking against you, desperately humping your ass like a woman who had been deprived of something holy for so long. The warmth of her body combined with her little pleas makes you let out a soft moan, breathy and barely there but just enough to let Abby know that you are enjoying this. 

“Jesus, Abs. M’ not going anywhere, calm down” you mutter, your words broken up by how harshly she is rubbing up against you, her movements displaying just how needy she is. Her hold on you doesn’t budge, simply focusing on your scent and how warm you feel against her. 

She shakes her head feverishly, her breath warm against the back of your neck. “Need to touch you, missed you so much” she breathes frantically, as if she were in some sort of frenzy that could only be soothed by touching you. 

The way she rubs up against you has your core aching, desperate for relief that only Abby could give you. “Missed you too, fuck” you huff, trying to be the one in power but failing miserably. Even in her desperate state, Abby finds a way to keep you dumb for her, your mind only filled with thoughts of her giving you the relief you have been craving for so long. 

Your confession blows up Abby’s ego a massive amount, her nerves dissipating since she knew the misery she felt without you was shared between the two of you. 

“Yeah, baby? You have a funny way of showing it. You’ve been such a little brat, avoiding me and not letting me touch you at all” she grunts, the rocking of her hips faltering as her mind is flooded with a need to be closely connected with you. 

“M’ sorry” you huff, still a little frustrated by her previous actions which meant you were unable to be empathetic towards her. Abby pays you no mind as she stops grinding against you completely, helping you get back into an upright position by pulling you by your arms. 

“Can you get on the bed for me, sweet girl?” she asks hopefully, unsure if you would even agree to what she wanted to do. Much to her surprise, you nod your head slightly and crawl onto your bed so you can make yourself comfortable. 

Your chest heaves with anticipation, watching Abby’s every move to try and figure out what she wanted to do. After taking off her boots and setting them off to the side, she gets on the bed, her large frame being rather intimidating as she spreads your legs open so that she can settle between them. 

She’s laying on her tummy, nuzzling her cheek against your inner thigh affectionately as she keeps her gaze focused on you. “Can I taste you, angel? Been thinking about your cunt so much, need to see her again” she mutters, sounding borderline delirious just from the idea of being able to lap at you like a woman starved. 

“Mmph, just a little” you say after a moment of thinking, wanting to remind her that being able to touch you like this was a privilege that only you could give her. A pleased grin appears on her lips as you give her permission, nodding her head eagerly. 

“Thank you, thank you” she breathes out, pressing a few open mouthed kisses to your inner thighs that leave you aching for more. “Gonna make you feel so good, need to make you come” she hums as she backs up, hooking her fingers under your little shorts along with your panties in one swift movement. 

You feel so exposed to her, finding the feeling only adds to your arousal. Abby takes a moment to consider her options before she decides on exactly how she wants to do this. 

She uses her thumb to rub soothing circles on your hips, her expression warm and comforting. “Need you to sit on my face, doll. I wanna feel all of you, want to taste all of you. Is that okay?” she questions in a pleading manner, as if she would burst into tears if you were to deny her. 

The request makes your heartbeat a little faster, knowing that Abby can barely contain herself whenever she is eating you out. But after weeks of going without her attention, you’re just as needy as she is. 

“It’s okay with me, just wanna feel good” you whine, unable to mask your excitement now that she was soothing you completely. She takes notice of how eager you are and decides to make it her personal mission to make you come until she’s decided you’ve had enough. 

“Sweet thing, so eager” she coos, giving your hip a gentle pat as a sign for you to start switching positions. You are quick to follow her command, moving out of the way so she can lay down flat on her back. She waits for you to move, glancing at you only to find that you’ve yanked off your t-shirt, the sight of you alone pulling a porn worthy moan from her. 

“That’s a good girl” she praises, so pleased that you were completely bare while she remained clothed, as it only reinforced the control she felt she had over you. Shakily, you begin to move up the bed so that you can get into the proper placement. 

With your hands holding onto the wall in front of you for stability, you manage to straddle Abby’s head so that she can stare directly up at your heat. “So fucking pretty” she practically pants as she sees you in all your glory, her strong hands grasping your hips with a bruising grip. 

It’s not as if you minded, as whenever she decided to show off her strength you found yourself completely enamored. “You sure this is okay, Abs? Don’t wanna hurt you…” you trail off slightly, not wanting her to be unable to breathe or anything like that. 

“Baby, if I die with you sitting on my face, I will die doing what I love” she quips in a playful manner, wanting to help you relax. Her words make you smile in the slightest bit, the tension that coursed through your body now melting away. 

“Shut up” you mutter playfully, her teasing remark making your tummy flutter. “As you wish” she states quickly, not giving any explanation before she pulls your hips down onto her face. 

It’s a bit of a shock to feel her gentle licks against your pussy, a low gasp being pulled from you as warmth spreads throughout your lower half. She’s being messy on purpose, now licking long stripes up and down your cunt, pausing for a moment to messily kisses your clit before moving her tongue lower. 

The sensation is enough to make you tremble, your hands weakly grasping at the wall as you try to stay upright. “Jus’ like that” you moan out, your folds so slick that Abby can’t stop herself from moaning due to the complete mess you’re making on her. 

Your statement entices her to work harder, now tonguing as your slit to test the waters. The position is almost too perfect, her nose bumping against your clit while she obscenely slurps up all your arousal. 

With the pleasure being doubled, you find yourself unable to keep your eyes open any longer, now squeezing them shut as you let ecstasy course through your being. Broken up moans leave your lips as you practically hump her face, needing her nose to rub up against your clit just a little more. 

There are no complaints from Abby, as it let her know that you were feeling good. She dips her tongue into your entrance, fucking her tongue so deep into you that you swear it’s almost better than when she fucks you open on her thick fingers. 

“Jesus Christ, s’ too much” you say after a string of pitiful mewls, your hips stuttering against her as the pleasure begins to reach its peak. She couldn’t care less, as she needed her fix of you or she might actually lose her mind. 

Your scent consumes her whole being, you taste heavy on her tongue. It’s enough to make her ravenous, now using her firm grip on your hips to guide your movements so that you don’t have to do it by yourself. Her tongue continues to stretch you open, fucking you at a rhythmic pace that keeps pace with the way she is rocking your hips against her. 

In a complete daze, you grope your tits, trying to pretend it’s her hands instead just to maximize the goodness of the feeling. And it truly works, as all the pleasure combines to make something completely blinding and overpowering. 

It’s everything you’ve been craving since you began avoiding her and now it’s all yours. 

“Abs, gonna come, you gotta slow down” you whine, your lungs burning from the amount of effort it takes to breathe in properly. Your pleas don’t discourage her at all, as all she chooses to focus on is that you are about to get off just from her tongue. 

So she keeps her firm pace, burying her face into your cunt as if it were a sanctuary that only belonged to her. It’s all too much, the way you can feel her spit coating your folds and you can only imagine how soaked the lower half of her face must be. 

You can only whine as she refuses to yield and so you find yourself rubbing teasing circles against your hardened buds, trying to match her timing. And within a moment or two, you let out an incomprehensible string of words, moaning so loud that you knew others on the base will be talking about the two of you tomorrow.

You couldn’t care less, too focused on the way the band that had tightened in your tummy had finally snapped and left you feeling euphoric. Your cunt clenches around Abby’s tongue as you come, a low whine leaving her as she feels your gummy walls tighten up even further. 

You ride it out, practically bouncing against her since it was hard to move properly even with her help. But it all becomes overwhelming so quickly that you raise your hips the best you can, Abby’s hold on you fading away since she knew you needed time to recover. 

After carefully changing your position, you lay down beside her, your breathing still being labored and you can’t help but smile at how much Abby is panting alongside you. The stickiness between your thighs doesn’t bother you much, much more focused on the girl who was lying beside you. 

You turn onto your side, facing her enough so that you can give her a sweet kiss. You can still taste yourself on hee tongue, shivers coursing through your form as she eagerly kisses you back. It’s lazy and messy, both of you being so tired out. So you let her tongue glide against yours, moaning against her lips before she gently bites your lower lip. 

She pulls away after she gets a small whine from you, a grin spreading onto her features. She is completely different from how she came into your room earlier, her eyes dazed and her whole being practically radiating warmth. You were glad to see the change, as after all that the two of you had been through, you both deserved some relief. 

“You’re a mess” you state playfully, noticing that her nose and mouth were completely coated with your slick. “Good” she quips, swiping her thumb against her chin to gather up some of your leftover juices and pushing the digit into her mouth to suck it clean. 

The sight leaves you feeling flustered yet strangely proud that she finds the taste of you to be so pleasing. You press your naked body against her, needing some comfort after everything that went down today. 

She is quick to wrap you up in her arms, not even caring if you make a mess on her clothes. “You did so good, baby. You’re all mine” she hums soothingly, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head as you hide your face against her chest. 

You don’t reply, simply wanting to let her words sink in and make you feel safe once more. Abby would never force you to speak, especially when she can tell you’re so sensitive and tired. It’s as if the two of you are having your first time together once more, but this time had much more being for both of you. 

A comfortable silence falls between the two of you as she mindlessly traces shapes along your back to keep you at ease. But she just can’t help herself, not when she has been aching to make you come multiple times. 

“You still got my strap, angel? I think you can take a little more, hm?” she questions, her voice low and soft. The suggestion has your eyes going wide, always amazed by her stamina. You were more than eager to comply, raising your head so you can nod quickly. 

“Gonna fuck you nice and stupid so you can sleep well” she states calmly, as if it were the most natural statement ever. With the way it rolls off her tongue with ease, you can almost convince yourself that it is normal. 

A lazy grin crosses your features as you take in the idea of her burying her thick strap into your cunt. “S’ still in the closet— if you wanna…” you whisper timidly, suddenly feeling shy under her persistent gaze. 

“Of course I want to, sweet girl. Tonight is all about you, I swear” she states smoothly, giving you a quick kiss as she begins to get up to search for exactly what she needs. 

Although you’re in for a long night, you couldn’t be more excited to be sharing it with her. 

[delilahsturniolo]

I NEED ANGSTY ANGST WITH DAD CHRISSSS. UT NO FLUFF ONLY ANGST AND NO SMUT AT ALL. AND NO FORGIVNESS

written by: @delilahsturniolo

dangerous - c.s

READ PT. 2 HERE!

____________________________________________

in which: Y/n and Chris are in a relationship that’s falling apart each and every day. But of course, they try keeping themselves together for the sake of their son. What happens when Y/n finds out something she isn’t supposed to know, causing everything to come crashing down?

this story contains: dad!chris, sorta toxic relationship, angst, cheating, arguing, no happy ending. (sorry 😭)

I am NOT in any way insinuating that Chris would do this in real life because he would never. he is a very sweet and kind person, this is fan false and NOT fan true! (iykyk) this is just for story purposes. :) 🤍

“tell me the truth, what did i do? look at me..”

“why can’t i see? no, it can’t be this easy to let me go.”

____________________________________________

I gently pressed a kiss on Grayson’s forehead as he shut his eyes. I adjusted his blanket before putting away the bedtime story I read him. I opened his door and slowly exited his room, shutting the door on my way out.

Me and Chris had been together for 4 years. Our relationship used to be something real, something genuine. Not anymore, though.

It was different now. We were slowly falling apart. We weren’t as happy together anymore, but we stayed together for our toddler, Grayson

But that didn’t mean I don’t love Chris still. My love for him never died, it felt like he was fading from me though. He’s an amazing father, him and Grayson are the most inseparable duo ever.

I guess I kind of wished we were a happy family again. Me and Chris barely ever saw each other anymore, and when we did we would just argue nonstop.

I went downstairs into the kitchen. As I was tidying up, the front door barged open, Chris walked in, not even batting me an eye.

I looked up, watching as he set his stuff down.

“You’re home later than usual.” I commented in a neutral tone, crossing my arms.

Chris glared at me. “What do you care?” He scoffed. “Where’s Grayson?” Chris asked, taking off his hat.

“I put him to sleep.” I murmured, leaning against the kitchen counter. Chris nodded and emptied his pockets, pulling out his phone and keys, placing it on the table. He yawned, giving me a quick kiss on the forehead and went upstairs.

I sighed deeply, rubbing my eyes. I tucked a piece of my hair behind my ears, I started walking out of the kitchen. Suddenly Chris’s phone buzzed. I was gonna shrug it off, but his phone kept dinging repeatedly.

Eventually, my curiosity got the best of me. I looked around before going over to the table, quietly grabbing Chris’s phone and unlocking it. The password was Grayson’s birthday.

His phone was filled with notifications from iMessage. I furrowed my eyebrows before clicking on the notifications.

iMessage

olivia ❤️

olivia ❤️

hey baby…i had so much fun tonight!

ur literally so fucking good in bed

we should do it again lol, is ur gf home?

______________________________________

I felt my heart drop as my eyes analyzed the messages in panic. Chris was hooking up with another girl…?

Tears immediately brimmed my eyes. I bit my lip, keeping back all my pent up emotions as I scrolled through their texts. My heart sank as the texts never ended, they talked each and every day.

I dropped his phone out of shock, my entire body shaking as it clattered to the floor. I let out a pained sob. I knew something was off with Chris. It explained why he was barely talking to me anymore, why he was coming home later and later. It explained why he wasn’t in love with me anymore.

My breaths grew heavier, I suddenly heard footsteps marching down the stairs, snapping me out of my gaze.

“What the hell are you do-“ Chris spoke from behind me. I turned around, my sorrow and hurt turning into pure anger. Chris froze as he saw his phone on the floor, his messages with Olivia open.

“Why are you going through my shit?” Chris muttered in frustration. I didn’t even respond to him as I turned around quickly to face him, picking up his phone off of the floor.

“Who the fuck is Olivia!?��� I raised my voice, my anger rising with every passing second. Chris’s eyes immediately went into a panic.

“Nobody, she’s just a friend. Give that back!” Chris lied right to my face, trying to snatch his phone away from my hands. I backed up, not allowing him to do so.

“You guys slept together!?” I showed him the messages, tears of anger streaming down my face. Chris started speaking.

“What? No of course not-“ Chris’s voice wavered as I interrupted him.

“Cut the bullshit, Chris.” I said, my voice cracking with emotion. So many thoughts and feelings were coursing through my mind, it was overwhelming. I glared at Chris boldly, waiting for his response.

“Fine! Yes, we had sex okay? It was a mistake, I regret it so much, y/n. I promise you it didn’t mean anything!” Chris tried explaining himself, I scoffed and shook my head in disbelief.

“Are you fucking joking? It didn’t mean anything? So why the hell are you still texting her?” I shouted suddenly, Chris went quiet. I let out a pained sob.

I stepped closer to him, wiping my eyes.

“You’re a liar. You’re a cheater. I can’t believe I trusted you.” I spoke lowly, Chris looked down at me with his dark and angry eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Chris whispered. I shook my head and backed up, sniffling.

“No. That’s not gonna cut it anymore.” I spoke, my voice breaking.

“Fine then. It’s done. We’re over.” Chris demanded. I looked up at him, then at a picture of me, Chris, and Grayson that hung on our wall. We were all smiling, we were all happy.

“Good.” I finally muttered, my shaky hands wiping my tears off my cheeks. Chris nodded and deeply sighed before walking off and going upstairs.

3 weeks later…

I held Grayson’s hand as we walked up the steps to Chris’s house. I noticed Matt’s car in the driveway. I rang the doorbell, adjusting Grayson’s tiny bag for the weekend over my shoulder.

Suddenly the door opened, Nick stood on the other side, his eyes immediately lit up. “Y/n! Hey sweetheart!” Nick smiled, pulling me into a hug. I laughed into his chest and wrapped my arms around him. “Hi Nick.”

We pulled away, Grayson jumped up in excitement. “Uncle Nick!”

Nick chuckled, picking up Grayson and throwing him up in the air before catching him and setting him back down on the ground. “Hi buddy!” Nick ruffled his hair, causing Grayson to giggle.

“I’m just here to drop him off for the weekend.” I said. Nick nodded and gently guided Grayson inside. I saw Matt walk by, as soon as he saw me he stopped in his tracks and waved. “Y/n! Hi!” Matt smiled, walking over to me and giving me a small hug. He kneeled down to Grayson’s level and greeted him as well.

I had to admit, Matt and Nick were the most amazing uncles. Grayson looked up to them so much, especially Chris. Chris was Grayson’s hero, there was no doubt about that. Me and Chris were completely broken up, and now we had our own homes and shared custody over Grayson.

I saw Chris and my heart dropped. We made eye contact as he walked over to the front door. He gave me a somewhat smile.

“Daddy!” Grayson exclaimed, Chris chuckled and tickled him playfully before giving him a kiss on the cheek. Afterward he let go of Grayson and walked over to me.

“Hey.” He mumbled.

“Hi.” I whispered, looking at the ground momentarily before clearing my throat. I grabbed Grayson’s little backpack and his bag of toys he wanted to bring from my house to Chris’s house. I handed Chris the bags and he quietly took them.

“Thank you.” He spoke softly. I faked a smile and glanced at Grayson who looked between me and Chris.

“Um, just let me know what time I should pick him up on Sunday, alright?” I suggested, Chris nodded.

I kneeled down in front of Grayson and cupped his tiny face. “I’ll see you on Sunday, okay sweetheart? Make sure you listen to daddy and uncle Nick and Matt.” I pressed a small kiss to his forehead. Grayson frowned.

“Mommy, why do I have to keep leaving you?” Grayson asked me, my heart sank at hearing his words. I wrapped my arms around him and held him against me, Chris watched from behind.

“You aren’t leaving me baby. I’ll be okay. Have fun with Dad, alright?” I whispered soothingly into his ear, feeling a lump in my throat. Grayson nodded, I kissed his cheek before standing up.

Grayson ran off into Nick’s room. I sighed deeply as Chris leaned against the door frame.

Silence filled the air, Chris eventually spoke up. “Get home safely.” He told me.

“I will.” I nodded, Chris shut the front door.

I opened the drivers seat to my car and got in, starting it. I bit my lip, holding in all my pent up emotion as I looked down at my lap.

Maybe in another universe it would’ve worked out, I thought to myself. Maybe in a different lifetime we would’ve been together.

But yet again, some things aren’t mean to be.

Some people aren’t meant to be.

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AUTHORS NOTE 💌

lowkey kinda cried while writing this but i’m so sorry this request was from a while ago, i hope u enjoyed thoughhh. i love writing angst a lot more than smut tbh.

taglist:

@babyalliah-777 @stopdropandroll1 @h3arts4harry @sturniolossluttybitch @sturniooolos @gwennybenny @jetaimevous @vtaraa @doctorreid187 @ivysturnss @strvnolin @sturnzsun @sassysturniolo2008 @blahbel668 @jamiesturniolo @sabsturned @wiidfi0wer33 @bitchydragonparadisee @ofc1ofc @z03ey @pixie-sticks-are-good @elsxz1 @rafecameronsbitch @mariasturniolo @miss-tyummy @emmavzlsblog @mattlovesfall @slutforsturnioloss @itsfloriii @stvrnmc @sturnsxplr-25 @sturnobsessedwh0re @kierra-holland @itzzmfjade @ilovecats0402 @lizzymacdonald06 @0kt0 @sturnstvr @sturnn372 @emely9274

© delilahsturniolo

[toruro]

— ✧ the letter

i hope one word, one letter, will laugh and cry with you (the letter / ateez)

pairing. xu minghao x reader

description. in which you’re jun's little sister and have been pining for a man so close yet so out of reach for ages. now, years later, when you see minghao all grown up, famous, and still making your heart flutter, you're not so sure what to do about your not-so-little crush.

genres. slowburn, fluff, angst, childhood f2l

tags. idol!au, alcohol consumption & underage drinking, lots of arguments, Lots of pent up emotions oops, miscommunication, sorta hot headed reader, minghao is minghao and that is a warning enough

fic playlist.

w/c. 26k

a/n. the smut has been moved to a separate post which can be found here! i had so so so much fun writing this! huge thanks to @gyuswhore bc em literally helped me through every step of the way & sat through me planning & switching around the events of the story a bajillion times, and thank u to @honeyhypen who read over this for me ^-^

ENVELOPE

To: Xu Minghao

“Why are you in my room?” Jun huffs, turning around to look up at you as you stand by his door. In front of him is a massive, yet unfinished LEGO replica of Hogwarts. You frown, glancing at his friend who lays on his bed with a phone up to his face.

He’s Jun’s new friend, and you’ve heard your brother talk about him but this is your first time really seeing Minghao in the flesh. Shaggy hair hangs loose over his dark eyes as he peeks over his phone and glances at Jun, as if to silently ask who you are.

“Dad says dinner is ready,” you tell him, feeling a little timid under the gaze of the new boy. He’s only two years older than you, but the only interaction you get with high schoolers is your brother, so you’re feeling shy. He’s a very nice looking boy, you think to yourself, but try hard not to stare as Minghao uncrosses his legs and sits up on your brother's bed.

Jun’s eyes soften when he notices you standing awkwardly, standing up and pointing at you as he says your name. “My sister—two years younger,” he explains.

“One point five, actually,” you correct him with a roll of your eyes, feeling more comfortable now that Jun is initiating something. Your brother laughs at you and ruffles your hair while Minghao stands up behind him.

“Ya-da, ya-da. You’re still two grades below, so it doesn’t really make a difference. Anyways, this is Minghao,” he says, pointing at his friend behind him who throws you a small smile and wave.

“I know,” you blurt out before you even have a chance to think, heat flushing to your face after you realize what you said and see Minghao give you a funny look. “I-I mean because Jun talks about you a lot,” you clarify, clearing your throat. “Y’know, he doesn’t have a lot of friends so when—”

Jun clamps a hand over your mouth and gently drags you out of the room as Minghao follows behind closely with silent laughter. “That’s enough from you. Watch it, or I’m never letting you talk to my friends again.”

“Friends? I think you mean friend,” you retort, looking back at Minghao who watches the two of you amusedly. “Are you sure you want to be friends with someone so mean to his sist—”

Jun flicks your forehead and you push his chest. “Shut up already! If you scare away all my friends, all I’ll have left is you, and you’ll just have to put up with me all day!”

“You’re right about that,” you say with a heavy sigh as you all make your way to the dinner table where your father has set out a meal for the three of you. Putting your hands up in defeat as you sit down at your spot at the middle end of the table, you glance at Minghao who takes a seat with Jun sitting between the two of you. “I guess I’ll back off for now.”

Jun scoffs. “You better.” The three of you laugh together.

Yiren rummages through your closet, and you frown deeply. “Hey! You better clean that up,” you warn, rolling off of your bed and onto the floor, lazily standing up.

“I’m helping you pick out a nice outfit! You said Minghao is coming ri—” You scramble to your feet to slap a hand over Yiren’s mouth, eyes wide.

“Shut up! My brother’s room is right there—he might hear you!”

Yiren rolls her eyes, nudging your hand off her mouth with a huff. “Oh my god, don’t tell me you haven’t told him yet.”

“What?” you narrow your eyes at her, grabbing one of your bras that she threw onto the ground and stuffing it back into your closet. “You thought I was going to tell Jun that I have a crush on his best friend?” you half whisper, half yell.

“Uh, why wouldn’t you? You’re seriously missing out on your chance to have him help you get with Minghao.”

You scoff, looking down at all the clothes strewn across the floor. “Have you met my brother? He would flip if I even mentioned being with a guy, let alone that guy being two years older and his friend.”

“You don’t know that,” Yiren retorts, throwing herself onto your bed leaving you to clean up the mess she made.

“Yes I do. This is how I can tell you don’t have any brothers …”

“Well if you never make a move on Minghao, how are you ever going to get him? You gotta start somewhere, and maybe your brother is the first nut you gotta crack to get there.”

“If you haven’t noticed, I haven’t exactly planned on making any moves,” you mumble, reaching down to pick up a cute pink jacket you haven’t seen in a while.

“Uh, why not?” Yiren piques, sitting upright on your mattress.

“Excuse me, have you looked at Minghao?” you groan, slumping against your wall with the jacket in your hands. “He’s so … cool, and popular, and handsome,” you gush, and Yiren makes a disgusted face.

“Uh, no, sorry I don’t fawn over your future husband, so I don’t really look at Minghao but—”

“And he’s going to be a senior! Why would a senior ever go for—” you look down and gesture at yourself, “—me.”

“You’re seriously downgrading yourself—you know you’re a catch.”

“Yeah, not for someone like him,” you snort, flopping down onto your bed next to her. “It’s whatever, it’s a stupid crush anyways.”

“Yeah,” Yiren says flatly. “You’ve only been crushing on him for like three years—hey! Don’t hit me!”

“Then stop saying this stuff,” you groan, throwing a pillow onto her head.

“Okay fine, I’ll stop. So are you going to wear that?” she asks, pointing at the jacket you left at the foot of your bed.

“Yeah, I think I will. It’s cute right?”

“Mhm … bet Minghao will totally like it and—”

“Yiren, shut up,” you giggle, pushing her again as you roll off the bed. “Okay, so the pink jacket and these jeans?” you ask, picking one pair off the ground and holding it up for her to see.

“Mm, no,” she says while shaking her head, standing up to join you as she looks at all of the clothes she threw across the floor. “Let’s see …” she hums to herself.

“Yiren,” you say with a laugh, “I think you’re putting more thought into this than me.”

“Well I can’t just let my best friend be single and lonely for the rest of her life! If all you do is sit around and listen to Radiohead, you’re going to end up being sixty-five and alone in some cottage in the woods.”

“Hey! That actually seems pretty peaceful,” you try to object, but Yiren narrows her eyes in your direction.

“Okay well,” she drawls out, putting her hands on your shoulders so you’re right in front of her, “Imagine being sixty-five and living in a cute cottage in the woods with Minghao. Sounds better, doesn’t it?” You can’t help the giddy grin that makes its way onto your face when Yiren says that, and she punches your shoulder lightly when she notices. “See, you do want that! So just listen to me, okay?”

“Okay, okay, fine! Just tell me which jeans to wear.”

She looks down, picking through the denim before pulling out a light blue one with little flowers embroidered on the pockets. “Look, this is cute. It’ll match with the jacket.”

You nod along, not questioning her because as far as you know, Yiren’s fashionable instinct stretches much further than yours and whatever she says about this must be true. As you change from your pajamas  into your new, curated outfit, Yiren sits back on the bed and grins widely.

“Looks perfect on you. Minghao will love it.”

“You think?” you pique, looking at her with bright, beaming eyes.

She winks at you and you jump up and down on the balls of your feet at the excitement. “I want at least 25% of whatever you get from your wedding gifts. You both will owe me big time.”

“I’ll believe it when it happens … Anyways, you ready to go? Let’s wait downstairs and get some pop while we wait for Minghao to come,” you suggest, Yiren agreeing with a nod as she bounces behind you. Jun, it seems, is still in his room waiting for his friend, so you stick your head through his door. “We’re going down to snack a little. Wanna come?”

Your brother shrugs, pushing himself off his swiveling chair to join you. “You know if we still have those cupcakes? The ones you made last week?”

“I think we have a few left. Why? You liked them?” you exclaim happily, turning around to face Jun as the three of you settle in the kitchen. You reach for a box you kept on the island, popping off the lid to show him.

Jun grins and pulls one out and you offer one to Yiren who stands beside you. “‘course I like them,” he says with his mouth stuffed with cake and cream.

Yiren, shooting a look of disgust his way, says, “Ew! Please don’t chew and talk, that’s gross.” Jun rolls his eyes at her as Yiren stuffs her own face with the cupcake, sighing as she digs in.

“Whatever,” Jun grumbles after swallowing it down. “They taste really good, you should make them more.”

Yiren nods, tapping your shoulder, “Agreed. Send me the recipe too,” voice muffled as she continues to munch down on the cupcake.

“Didn’t you just tell me not to eat with my mouth full?” Jun mutters, crossing his hands over his chest. You laugh at the banter and suddenly you hear the doorbell ring, ears perking up. “That’s probably Minghao—I’ll get the door.”

As your brother makes his way down to the foyer, you turn to look at Yiren. “I would give you the recipe but I don’t want to be the reason your house burns down. Seriously, remember the last time you tried baking and—”

“Oh my god, is the recipe what you’re thinking about right now? Minghao is just about to come—offer him a cupcake! Show him your amazing baking skills and show him what a good housewife you can be!”

You give your best friend a look of bewilderment. “What the hell Yiren,” you groan, slapping your hand on your face, trying to hold back your chuckles. “Okay, I’ll give it to him but only because I want him to be impressed. Not because I want to submit myself to misogyny for the sake of a man.”

“Okay fine but—look!” she exclaims in a hushed whisper. “He’s here!” You immediately straighten your back and smile when Jun walks back into the kitchen with Minghao. He’s wearing some loose jeans and a black hoodie, his hair longer than before.

He says your name when he sees you, throwing up a wave and a smile. Minghao then glances at Yiren with a blank stare, pursing his lips together. Yiren chuckles nervously and clicks her tongue while pointing at herself. “Yiren.”

“Ah. Hi Yiren,” he says politely.

“You guys want some pop?” Jun offers when he opens up the fridge. Yiren, Minghao, and you nod happily and respectively call out your choices.

“Sprite!”

“Cola!”

“Cola!”

Jun juts his lip out in a pout when he turns back to the three of you. “I wanted Cola too, but there’s only two left.” You’re about to furrow your brows and tell him that it’s okay, you don’t really want any, but Minghao speaks up before you.

“She can have the Cola, I don’t mind,” he says casually, grabbing one can from Jun and handing it to you with soft eyes. “Here.”

“Are you sure? I don’t really care for the difference between Sprite and Cola and—”

Minghao chuckles and shakes his head, and you think you might just pass out when your palm brushes against his knuckles when he eases the cold can into your hand. “Seriously, it’s fine,” he tells you. You glance at Jun and Yiren who are busy opening their own cans, turning your attention back to Minghao.

“Thank you … Uh, do you want a cupcake? I made some a while ago and we still have some left,” you offer, holding up the box to him.

“It’s the last one. Are you sure?”

“How the tables have turned,” you laugh, and Minghao cracks a bright smile at that and holy crap, if you weren’t so busy trying to keep your composure, you’d be freaking out over how handsome he looks when he smiles. “‘course you can have it. I’ve had plenty of them,” you admit sheepishly as he reaches for the cupcake and brings up to his mouth.

“Holy shit. I don’t blame you for eating a lot—if I had these in my house they’d be gone in like an hour.”

“Right!” Yiren agrees, and you can’t help but chew on your bottom lip when you smile from the praise.

“Guess this is just a sign for you to make more, huh,” Jun says, walking to stand next to you to lean on your shoulder.

“Uh-uh! You gotta reimburse me somehow,” you protest, looking up at your brother with a firm expression.

“Please make more, they’re really good. I’ll buy you boba if you make more,” Minghao chimes, and it’s safe to say you don’t expect it from the way you cough on your own saliva. Yiren laughs at your reaction, and Jun only looks at you weirdly when you nod in agreement.

“Oh, so you’ll make cupcakes when he asks but not for your dear older brother?”

You roll your eyes, saying, “He offered to buy me boba! You know I can’t turn that down.”

Jun huffs in faux irritation, digging his hand into his pocket to fish out his keys. “Ya-da, ya-da. Anyways, would anyone other than my super fake, mean, evil sister like to go to karaoke now?” he asks playfully. All it takes is one glare and pulling on his hair for a few seconds to have him shouting out apologies as the four of you make your way to the car garage.

The ride to the karaoke place is short with Jun in the front and Minghao sitting in the passenger seat next to him. You and Yiren pile into the back, and the three of you scroll through your phones to decide what songs to sing later while Jun drives.

“I get to sing Creep, right?” you ask excitedly, bouncing up and down in your seat.

“How’d I know you were going to bring up Radiohead,” Jun mutters, pressing his head back into the head rest when he stops at a red light, while Minghao turns in his seat to look back at you with wide eyes.

“You like Radiohead?” he asks with a small smile.

The corners of your lips are lifted and your face brightens when you nod vigorously. “Yeah I do!”

���I think ‘like’ would be an understatement. I’m like 99% sure Thom Yorke lives in her skin or something because what she has for Radiohead is a lot more than just ‘like,’” Yiren says.

“No way, I love Radiohead,” Minghao tells you. Holy shit. So Minghao is attractive and nice and smart and pretty much perfect at everything and he enjoys Radiohead? You might go insane.

“Really?” Your eyes are wide with your jaw hanging open, leaning forward in your seat.

You hear Jun groan from the driver’s seat, and both you and Minghao shoot him a dirty look. “I forgot both of you are obsessed with Radiohead. Seriously, could either of you get more emo?”

“If you weren’t driving right now, I’d strangle you,” Minghao says bluntly before looking back at you. “Anyways, what’s your favorite song?”

“Junnie, please, can you put on Creep now? You know I’ve been waiting forever,” you plead, holding your hand out to the microphone that’s in your brother’s hand. The room is dark and lit up with red and blue LEDs across the border, making the room glow purple.

“But I want to sing another round of Taylor Swift!” he protests, pointing at the big screen in front of you while clutching the microphone close to his chest. You scoff, poking his side. “You know I’m not ticklish, so that doesn’t work.”

“You’re not ticklish? How?” Yiren exclaims, looking at Jun with wide eyes.

You turn to squint at her. “He’s weird. I thought we already established this.”

“Hey!” Jun whines. “See this is why you won’t be getting to sing Creep tonight.”

“Jun!” you cry out, and you’re about to pull out a string of complaints and curses, but then Minghao is stepping in, pointing at you.

“Put on Creep. She’s been asking for a while and I want to sing it too,” he says. Jun is quiet for a moment before sighing and handing you the microphone which leads you to puffing up your chest and smiling proudly.

“Thanks,” you chirp gleefully, as Minghao holds his own microphone up to his lips.

When he smiles at you, it’s kind and sincere in such a way that it has your heart swelling under your pretty pink jacket. Minghao coolly points at Yiren who sits by the control tablet. “Creep. Hit it.”

The air inside your house is warm as you skip down the hall and down the stairs. When the bell rang the first time, you thought it was just some package but when you hear it ring twice, you think otherwise.

When you peek through the little peep-hole, you jump up and down on the balls of your feet, a mix of excitement and nerves pools at your stomach. You open the door and Minghao shuffles in front of you at the doorstep. You haven’t seen him in a few weeks, and his hair looks shorter. “Did you cut your hair?” you ask the seventeen year old as you move to the side so he can step in.

“Yeah, it was getting in my eyes too much,” he tells you with a nod, a small puff of vapor coming from his lips. It’s cold, and you hear him inhale a breath of relief when you close the door behind him. “Thought the door was never gonna open. I was freezing my ass off,” he says, unwinding the brown scarf from his neck.

“‘m sorry,” you reply sheepishly as he takes off his shoes, following you through the foyer. “Jun didn’t tell me you were coming so I was in my room. He’s still out with my dad, but he’ll be back soon.”

“That’s fine.” Minghao shrugs off his puffer jacket, placing it on the coat rack while you make your way to the kitchen.

“Do you want a drink? It’s cold outside, so I can make some hot chocolate. Jun got the nice kind from the cafe down the street.”

“That’d be great, thanks,” he says, sitting down at one of the stools in front of the kitchen island as you take out some milk and hot chocolate powder. It’s silent, and you chew your lip while thinking about how this is the first time in a really long time that you and Minghao have been alone together.

Nearing the end of his twelfth year in high school and just like the first time you met him, he’s as enticing as ever. Dancing competitions with Jun, left and right, smart and respectful with the teachers, popular among the students—you're lucky you get to talk to someone as cool as him, even if it is only on the account that you’re his best friend’s little sister.

“How’s high school?” he asks casually as you boil some milk over the stove.

“It’s alright … English is still hard as ever,” you admit, dropping the powder into the frothing milk.

Minghao chuckles softly when you turn around to face him, and a small smile makes its way onto your lips. “Yeah, it was never my strong suit either. You still friends with … what’s her name? Sorry, I’m not good with names—the girl who lost her voice at karaoke when she came with us?”

“Yiren?” you giggle softly, recalling the memory. “Yeah. Still friends, still as loud as ever,” you say with a sigh, mixing the milk as it turns light brown. “How are things with you? Jun’s been telling me the dance practices you guys have is pretty intense. He always looks like he could eat a horse when he comes home.”

“That’s good to hear, and yeah, it’s all going good. It is pretty tiring, but it’s a lot of fun,” Minghao replies, stretching his arms behind his back as you pour out the hot chocolate into two mugs, bringing it over. “Thanks,” he murmurs, grabbing from your hand sitting down at your regular spot, one extra chair seated between the two of you as always.

Arm’s length, you think for a moment, before shaking yourself of the thought. “I’m sure the practice is paying off though—seems like Jun is always talking about some new kinda competition or something.”

“Mhm,” Minghao hums, taking a sip of the hot cacao. “This is really good, thank you,” he says with a soft smile, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel some sort of giddiness erupt in your stomach. “I think … I think we can really take it somewhere—our dancing.”

It’s a sparing thought that Minghao and Jun’s dreams are far beyond yours, and you have a bit of a difficult time trying to understand what he means by somewhere and if that somewhere includes you or not.

“You’re going to Korea?” your eyebrows furrow as you glance between Jun and your parents.

“Nothing’s finalized yet—” your mother says, but when Jun’s eyes flicker between you and the ground, you already know that this is set in stone.

“Yes it is.” Your voice is small when the words come out. “You—” you take a deep breath, “—you’re going.”

“Not now, of course,” your dad says, patting your back as he stands up, your mother following suit. “Talk for a few minutes, yeah?” he says as both your parents walk out. When your whole family walked into your room ten minutes earlier to tell you they had big news, you weren’t sure what you were expecting, but it certainly was not this.

And now you’re sitting with your brother on one end of your bed while you’re curled up against your pillows on the other, unable to meet his gaze.

“When are you going?” you ask quietly, finally breaking the silence.

“August.”

“That’s in a month and a half,” your shoulders deflate as you say it. “How long?”

“I don’t know. I’m sorry.” You bury your face in your hands in hopes that it’ll muffle your cries. It doesn’t.

Jun scoots over to you quickly when he sees your shoulders shake, one arm going around your back to pull you close to his body, but you still can’t bring yourself to look at him. “How are you going to do it?” you blubber as your brother pats your back. “You can’t just go to a whole different country alone and—”

“I won’t be alone. Minghao is coming with me,” Jun tells you quickly. Now that brings your head up. You don’t care that your nose is snotty and that your hair is all over the place and that your face burns, you just need to see the look on Jun’s face to see that he isn’t messing with you.

The way his own eyes are glossy gives you your answer. “Y-you both got accepted into tha-that company?”

Jun nods. “We applied together.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were applying? I-I would’ve understood. You could have given me more time to process this and—” You look down at your hands, “Fuck,” you mutter to yourself, not finding the words in your throat.

“We didn’t even know if we would get accepted. Me and Minghao promised each other that we’d only follow through with it if both of us got in and we didn’t think that there’d be a high chance of that because it’s so competitive … I only told Mom and Dad because until we got the acceptances, I really didn’t think it was going to actually happen.” You gulp at his words, trying to let it all sink in.

“I think … I think I just need to go on a walk. Take a breather, y’know,” you mutter under your breath as you stand up. Just as you're about to walk away, you stop yourself, looking back at Jun who stares down at his hands. You don’t think twice before wrapping your arms around his shoulders and hugging him tightly. “I’m really proud of you,” you say quietly before rushing out of your room and down the stairs.

You shove your feet into some slippers in the foyer, rushing out onto the street soon after. You aren’t sure what you’re doing or where you’re headed, but you continue to trudge along the sidewalk until you’re walking down the main road.

The summer air is hot and stuffy, and you wonder if you feel so suffocated because of the sun’s onslaught or because of thoughts that run through your head. It’s surrounding you, breathing it in, it fills your lungs, courses through your veins, rushes to your brain—you don’t know what it is, but it’s uncomfortable and has you dizzy and your vision foggy.

You lean against a thick lamppost next to you, hands on your knees as you knit your eyebrows together as sweat beads down your forehead. What the fuck, you think as you breathe in through your nose.

You hear your own name bounce around in your head, and the sound only grows louder and louder until you’re muttering under your breath, telling yourself to shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up. And there are tears in your eyes but you furiously wipe them away because while you don’t mind crying, you do mind crying if you don’t know why.

And fuck, there’s that voice again, your name echoing over and over again until it’s growing lowder and ringing in your ears. You think you might start crying again until the voice sounds familiar and you’re whipping your head up and standing straight when you see a car pull up to the curb next to you.

“Fuck my life,” you mumble to yourself when you see Minghao in the driver’s seat of the car. He rolls down the window and god, he looks so pretty with his hair back and upper body fit into a loose yellow shirt.

“Hey, what are you doing?” he asks you, brows pinched into a concerned expression as he looks at you, face flushed and sheen from sweat.

“I—” You’re about to smile at him and let the giddiness of having your crush talk to you take over, but then the words get caught in your throat when you remember the whole reason you’re out here. “—I’m just going on a walk.”

“In this heat?” He raises a brow at you. “Where to? Let me give you a ride. You don’t look too well.”

“Nowhere really,” you say with a shrug. “Actually, I might just head back home,” you rush out, turning on your heel to walk in the other direction so Minghao can’t pry any further, but he stops you.

“Wait, wait, wait,” he calls out, and you don’t have the willpower to ignore him. “Let me drive you home then. Seriously, you don’t look well—like you look like you’re ‘bout to pass out and shit—so just get in the car, please?” He says the last part with some sort of beggary etched onto his face and you just can’t deny him. Not now, not ever.

Pulling the door open, your limbs feel heavy as you climb into the car, air much cooler and fresher than outside. Leaning your head against the headrest, you let your eyes flutter shut as Minghao starts the car.

“Are you seriously okay? You look—”

“Sick, I know. I look sick,” your grumble, eyes still shut. You wonder if you should tell him Jun just told you everything.

“I’m sorry,” and you can tell from the way his voice doesn’t waver that he means it.

“Jun told me about Korea.”

“Oh.” Yeah, very big oh. “Just now?” You nod. “Is that why you were out here?” You nod again, finally opening your eyes.

“Hey, this isn’t the way to my house.”

Minghao keeps his eyes on the road. “C’mon, let’s get some pop,” he says, ignoring your statement and driving into the parking lot of a convenience store. He unbuckles his seatbelt and hops out his end, not saying a word, and you figure that you have no other choice but to follow.

Any other situation and you’d be grinning about spending some time alone with Minghao, but after hearing Jun tell you that he’s going to be traveling hundreds of miles and flying over borders within the next two months has your stomach churning in a way you don’t like.

You don’t know if you want to spend all the hours of the day with Jun and Minghao, or if you want to crawl up in your bed and pretend they don’t exist so it’ll hurt less when they’re gone. You feel stupid for thinking like this—you know it’s going to hurt either way.

You’re lost in your own thoughts as you walk into the store after Minghao, only snapped back into the present when he says something to you. “Hey, those are your jeans that you wore when we first did karaoke right?’

You blink once and then twice before looking down at your pants. They were those same jeans. “Yeah, how’d you know?” you ask him incredulously, and Minghao chuckles as he reaches into the cooler and pulls out a pink popsicle.

“I remember the flowers and how they matched your pink jacket. It was cute,” he says casually, and you hope he doesn’t catch onto the way your fingers twiddle together nervously and you avert your gaze. “Anyways, you like Cola right?” he clarifies when reaching into the drink fridge near the cooler. You nod shyly, thanking him quietly when he hands you a can.

As you make your way to the cash register, you fish around in your pockets for a few moments hoping you’ll dig up a dollar bill or something but then Minghao’s hand is on your wrist and he shakes his head with a smile.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll cover it.” He turns back so quickly you don’t have time to protest because he’s already sticking his card into the machine, throwing the cashier a thumbs up and walking out the store without a word.

“I could’ve paid for myself, y’know,” you grumble, following behind Minghao, watching to see where he’s headed. You think he’s going to get back into his car, but instead he plops down on the street curb, sitting on the ground. You just look at him for a few moments, contemplating what to do for a few moments before joining his side.

“Yeah, but I wanted to pay for it.”

The sun is bright and it beads down on you relentlessly, but you don’t complain. You both sit in silence as you both tend to your snacks—Minghao tries to lap up his popsicle quickly now that you’re out in the heat and you try to drink as much of your Cola as you can before it grows lukewarm. The air grows thick between you.

You can’t find the right words to say. You suppose there aren’t any right words or any wrong words, and that you can say just about anything right now and it wouldn’t matter.

Glancing at Minghao who takes a lick of his pink popsicle, you feel that uneasy feeling swarm inside of your chest.

You could kiss him right now. You could press your mouth against his sticky lips and lap at the sugar against his tongue. You could hold his face and run your fingers through his hair and cradle the nape of his neck. You could do anything right now and it wouldn’t matter.

Minghao, after all, was leaving.

But you’re scared and Minghao is mature and his dreams are big and he’s brave.

Your eyes linger on his plush lips for no longer than a second before you shamefully look down at the Cola in your hands, suddenly feeling sick to your stomach.

“You’ll remember this place, right? Like—if you get big and famous and stuff, you two won’t forget, right?” you resort to asking. You say ‘this place,’ but really, you mean ‘me.’ You don’t want to be forgotten.

Minghao watches you with his eyes clouded with something you can’t really make out. “Of course we won’t. We’ll remember forever.” Absentmindedly, you trace figure-eights into the top of your can of pop, and Minghao catches the motion.

Using his own finger, he traces the figure of the number eight over the cement of the curb. “See. Like infinity, y’know?”

You purse your lips together and nod, your mind going dizzy. “Can we … can we go?” you mumble softly, gripping the can in your hand. “I think the heat kinda got to me.” It’s not entirely a lie.

Minghao doesn’t question you, polishing off his popsicle and tossing it into the trash before unlocking the door so you can take the silent ride home.

Jun and Minghao flew out two months ago. You went with your family and Minghao’s family to bid goodbyes. It’s not like you wouldn’t see them again—give or take a few months and Jun would be back at home, but he’d have to leave again. And again. And again.

It’s sad, you think, as you slump against Yiren on some random person’s couch. You miss them so much, but when you think about Jun and Minghao, all you can see is the hard work they’ve put into going where they’re headed.

You feel selfish as you bring a cup up to your lips. You feel pathetic and lame and if you weren’t already drunk, you’d be wallowing in self pity as well. The alcohol tastes just as bitter as your feelings, and while you wince when you gulp it down, you don’t hesitate to let some more run down your throat.

Yiren watches you worriedly when you clutch her arm and shut your eyes tight. “I miss them,” you whisper, and she doesn’t know if you’re talking to her or to yourself. She strokes your hair and coos to you about taking you to lie down somewhere.

Your head spins as she helps you stand, letting the cup fall to the ground, not bothering to pick it up. Yiren pulls you into an empty bedroom and sits you on the bed. “Drink this,” she instructs, handing you a bottle of water.

“Yiren, I miss them,” you repeat yourself.

“I know, I know you do. Do you want to go home? I’ll drive you and—”

“No, you go have fun. I just need to sit down for a sec,” you tell her, letting your back fall onto the mattress. Yiren gives you a warning look, but you shoo her off. “Trust me, I’ll be fine. I’ll call you if I need anything.” She looks like she wants to protest, but you both know you’re on a one track mind right now.

“Please don’t do anything stupid,” Yiren begs as she walks away and closes the door behind her. You’re still dizzy, but not nearly as bad as before. Sitting up, you glance around the room. It’s simple—probably a guest room in whoever’s house this is. Also probably why the door was unlocked in the first place.

You feel you might pass out until your eyes land on an open notebook on a table in the corner of the room. You don’t think twice before standing up and ripping a sheet out, scrambling for a pen.

DEAR MINGHAO

I’m drunk right now. I miss you and I miss Jun. I hope when you guys come back again, we can go to that karaoke place again and sing to Radiohead. I’ve expanded my taste you know—my favorite song is Fake Plastic Trees now, and I even got a record player just so I could play the vinyl for it. Sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.

When you come back, we should really go there again. Yiren’s been getting really tired of me singing Creep every time, so I need a new duo partner. And she’s leaving too, so there’s that.

I really want to kiss you right now, but you’re in Korea.

I miss Jun a lot too. I think I hate you for it. He’s my brother but somehow you get to see him more and talk to him more and be with him more. Sometimes I call him and it’s for less than five minutes and I hear your voice in the background and I don’t know if I want to listen to you speak forever or strangle you so you can never talk again. I get that Jun is busy, and that you’re busy, but you guys get to be busy together.

Yiren told me she’s probably going to go to college out of the country next year. I’m going to miss her like hell. I think I already miss her, and so I drag her to karaoke with me so she won’t ever forget about me and Radiohead and how garbage I am at singing Creep.

Jun says he’s going to come visit home in two months, and that you might come along. I didn’t know home was a place you only visit, but I guess being an idol changes you. I probably sound super bitter right now. I’m not. Maybe I’m upset that you guys are gone, but I really am happy for you.Jun is happy, and you’re happy, and I’m so happy you have each other.

It’s hard to focus on your exam—halfway through your degree and you still get the jitters every time you step into the testing hall. It’s probably the nerves. And the caffeine. And the fact that you’ll be seeing your brother and Minghao in three hours.

It’s mainly the third that has your leg bouncing up and down on the balls of your feet as you jot down your answers. The exam takes longer than you’d like to finish, but as soon as you’ve finished the final question, you’re bolting out of the large room and toward the parking lot.

Connecting your phone to your car, you call Jun as you back out of the parking spot. “Hey, you guys at the airport?” you ask when you hear him pick up.

“Yeah, we’re just getting out right now but there’s kind of a crowd so it might take a while to just get to the car.”

“I forgot you guys are, like, famous,” you mutter jokingly. “Where’re you headed first? Minghao’s place first?”

“Yeah probably. He’s gonna see his parents and stuff first and then I’ll go to Mom and Dad’s house, so you can just come there.”

“Okay … we’re still good for our dinner plans, right?”

“Yeah, actually I was wondering if Minghao could tag along,” Jun says, and you can hear some muffled shouting from the other side.

“Oh okay, yeah su—”

“Hey, look, there’s a lot of people here and I can’t hear much so just text me your response and I’ll get to you in a second,” Jun tells you quickly as the shouting grows louder. He hangs up soon after and you sigh heavily as you start driving to your parents house.

The ride is quiet but you’re happy to be met with gleeful parents when you get to their place. You’re all a bit spirited at the prospect of Jun coming home, so when you hear the old ringing of the door bell, you’re bolting to the door and swinging it open, jumping into his arms.

“What happened to ‘hi,’ ‘hello,’ ‘how are you?’” Jun teases as he hugs you close, awkwardly trying to shuffle into the house. You poke your tongue out at him when you finally unwind your arms from around him.

“Hi. Hello. How are you? You seem obnoxious, as always,” you shoot back, and Jun only grins, pinching your cheek tightly.

“Oh how I missed my little insane sister,” he says before moving onto your parents, enveloping them in hugs as you all begin to settle down in the living room. The four of you spend a few hours catching up with Jun before he excuses himself to freshen up so he can get ready for your plans for the evening.

When he comes back all ready, you’re pulling out your keys from your purse and waving bye to your parents, promising them you’ll stop by the next morning as you and your brother make your way to the door.

“See you later!” Jun calls out before closing the front door behind him and following you to your car. Minghao’s house is close by, no more than a five minute drive, and it’s quiet as you take the familiar roads through the town to get there.

“Should we go in?” you ask when you park in Minghao’s driveway. “You haven’t seen his parents in a while, have you?”

“Oh yeah, you’re right. C’mon, let’s go.” You both slip out of the car and make your way to the front door. Minghao’s mother opens the door and you spend a few minutes exchanging greetings and catching up before Minghao is stepping out, clad in some black jeans and a grey hoodie.

He smiles when he sees you, pulling you into a hug, giving you a chance to feel the slightly damp hair against your cheek and the woody smell that always reminds you of him. “Hey, how’s it been?” he asks when he pulls away.

“I-I’m good,” you say shyly.

“Let’s talk more in the car, yeah?” Jun suggests, turning back to Minghao’s parents to give them a hug before you all wave your goodbyes and get into your car.

“Where’re we headed?” Jun asks, as you back out of the driveway. Jun sits in the passenger seat while Minghao slips into the back.

“It’s this new place—opened just a few months ago so I doubt you’d have gone there yet,” you tell him as you start driving.

“Is it the place next to the cafe?” Minghao asks you, and you nod excitedly.

“Yeah … how’d you know?”

“My mom told me about it, and said I should try it out. I guess now’s my chance, huh.”

“Yeah! It’s really good, I hope you both like it,” you say, reaching over to the AUX controls to flick on one of your playlists. “Okay guys … are you ready?” you warn, watching Minghao’s eyes brighten through the mirror.

“Oh my god, don’t tell me you guys are going to sign Creep again—” Jun starts to groan, but you reach over and press a finger over his lips to shut him up.

“Quiet,” Minghao hisses to his friend, scooting forward in his seat so you’re in his view, placing his hands under your headrest. His fingers brush against the back of your neck and you’re scared you might crash the car from the way his touch makes you shiver. Fuck, more than half a damn decade and you still can’t fight it off. “Turn it up,” he instructs from behind, and you can only grin as you reach over and pump up the volume.

The deep rumble of snare and guitar echoes through the car as the song starts and you already feel your heart begin to swell in your chest. So when the first lines of, ‘when you were here before,’ leave your lips, you aren’t sure if you feel your heart mending itself, or if it’s salt being poured on the wound.

Because from behind you is Minghao’s voice, so deep and velvety and angelic it has you almost in a trance. He’s been good at singing, always, but now his voice sounds … mature, and developed and … and you love it.

You think back to the first time you sang Creep with him, and the lyrics already have you reminiscing when you both sing, ‘couldn’t look you in the eye,’ because goddammit you still struggle to look at Minghao for too long because you’re scared you’ll get lost.

And when it gets to the part before the bass is blaring in your ears, Minghao and you are singing, ‘I wish I was special, you’re so fuckin’ special,’ at the top of your lungs and you can’t help but let the irony sink in.

Now you’re pretty sure when Thom wrote Creep, he didn’t mean it to be about your love life, especially not the non-existent one between you and your brother’s best friend, but Thom is speaking to you right now, and you wonder if Minghao can hear the way you’re singing from your heart. How you’re singing for him.

When the song comes to an end, Minghao’s fingers brush over the nape of your neck one last time before he retreats back into his seat. You try to not mull on the feeling any longer, shaking your head of all of those thoughts when you near the restaurant.

“Here it is!” you chirp, parking the car on the curb. The three of you shuffle out of the car casually, making your way to the entrance.

“Looks nice,” Minghao comments as he opens the door for you and Jun. Your brother hops in merrily and you and Minghao both share a soft smile as you go inside too, your body nearly jerking when you feel his hand on the small of your back as he follows behind you.

His touch is warm and gentle and—fuck, does he know what he’s doing to you right now?

You’re more relieved than anything when he finally lets his arm drop, the three of you making your way to the table you booked. You were scared that if Minghao stayed close any longer, he’d be able to feel your heart beating through your chest.

You guys sit down at the table, Jun next to you while Minghao settles across the two of you. “So how’s your classes going?” he asks you as you look through the menu. “Jun said you had an exam today, right?”

“Yeah, it was my final one,” you tell him with a sigh of relief. “It was stressful preparing for it but it went better than I thought.”

“Good to hear,” Minghao says as a waiter comes along to pick up on your orders. After he leaves, Jun turns to you.

“What’s Yiren up to?” Jun asks you curiously. “Haven’t seen that girl in ages.”

“She’s, uh, she’s good,” you reply. “I haven’t seen her in a while either … she went off to college in Korea, remember?”

Minghao chuckles, “Seems like everyone’s going there, huh? Maybe you should pull up too.”

You scrunch up your face and shake your head while you take a sip of water. “I think I like this place too much to leave. Plus, who’s going to take care of our old folks if I leave too?” you tease, nudging your brother in the side.

“Mom and Dad can take care of themselves just fine,” Jun shrugs, ruffling your hair as the waiter brings along some food.

“Looks good,” Minghao says, holding up some chopsticks as you all look down at the sizzling dishes in front of you.

“It is! See?” you say pointedly, looking up at Jun. “Imagine I moved to Korea—I wouldn’t be able to eat this.” Your brother only rolls his eyes and Minghao and you laugh together while you dig in.

As you work through your meal and catch each other up on your lives, Minghao eventually leans back in his seat and sighs heavily. “I’m really craving something sweet right now.”

“I’d say we should pick up some pastries from the cafe next door but they closed two hours ago,” you say sadly.

“Oh shit, I forgot about that place. They made the best chocolate buns ever,” Jun mutters to himself, polishing off his plate.

“Let’s go to the cafe tomorrow evening, yeah?” Minghao suggests as he takes a sip of water. At the suggestion, you chew at your lip.

“Uh, I don’t think I can go then,” you say, hoping they won’t pry any further.

Of course, your brother doesn’t allow you a second of peace. “Why not? Your last exam was today, right?”

“Yeah, but I have stuff to do,” you reply nonchalantly. Jun scoffs and tugs your ear, causing you to whine. “What was that for?!”

“You didn’t clear your schedule out for me? I thought you missed me! You know I have to leave in like a week,” he complains, and you and Minghao share an amused look as you nudge Jun on the side.

“Relax, you can have me in the morning and afternoon and everything … I just have to go somewhere for the evening.”

“You’re being really ominous about this, you know,” Jun retorts, crossing his arms over his chest. “Where’re you going?”

You chew on your tongue, contemplating if this is the right moment to bring it up, or if you should even tell Jun and Minghao this at all. “I just have to see someone.”

“Oh my god, shut up,” Jun groans. “You’re literally asking me to pry. Tell me who—a boyfriend?” You chuckle nervously, eyes flickering between Minghao and your brother, shaking your head.

“No—not a boyfriend,” you say dryly, scoffing at the irony. “Remember Renjun? I told you about him when I was in freshman year.”

“Vaguely. Remind me who he is again?”

“He’s just a guy, and he has some of my stuff I need to pick up.” Both Minghao and Jun cock an eyebrow at you after that. “What?” you huff, leaning back in your seat.

“An ex?” Minghao asks and your face burns.

“I—yeah,” you say casually. “An ex.”

Jun frowns deeply. “I didn’t know you and Renjun ever dated. I didn’t even know you ever had a boyfriend,” he says, voice evidently upset that he was left out of this.

“It wasn’t that serious,” you pat his shoulder as to soften the blow. “Plus it happened when you were on tour—we hardly talked then.”

“Still! You could’ve told me!” You bite back a, ‘But could I really?’ because this isn’t the time or place for that.

“It’s whatever. I just need to pick up some stuff I left at his place and—”

“So it ended pretty recently then?” Minghao piques, and your eyebrows furrow, slightly annoyed by both of their belated interest in your love life.

“What, no! It’s been months and—wait, I don’t see how that’s any of your guys’ business,” you huff and Minghao backs off a little, but Jun still stays curiously leaning in.

“Whatever. You’ll be available to come with us to the lake on Friday though, right?” Jun asks, pulling out his phone and holding it up to your face to show you a picture of a lake house. “I booked a place to stay the night and all.”

“Of course I’m going to come—I’ve been looking forward to it!”

“Good,” Jun says gruffly, still somewhat glaring at you.

You give him a funny look. “What?”

“I’m still mad you never told me—you’re supposed to tell me this stuff! How else am I supposed to know that you’re doing fine on your own and actually growing up.”

“Oh my god, Jun, I’m an adult! Did you think I would never have boyfriends?”

“No! At least not without telling me!”

You chuckle and Minghao follows in suit, enjoying the little sibling bicker. “Okay fine. I’m sure I’ll be telling you every detail of my love life when it gets resurrected.”

Minghao snorts at your use of words, and you revel in the way the sound makes you feel. Fuck it, it’s been more than half a decade and you still get butterflies—you can’t fight away the feeling, so you might as well wallow in it.

You wonder what Jun would think about this—your love life being pulled and shaken by his own best friend. Oh well, some secrets are best kept hidden anyways.

“Here’s your stuff,” Renjun says softly, handing you a paper bag that’s stuffed with a wide array of your belongings.

“Thank you. Is my pink jacket in there? I’ve been looking for it for a while and I didn’t know if I left it at yours,” you ask timidly, holding the paper bag close to your chest.

He scratches the back of his head as he steps back, nodding. “Uh, yeah I think it’s at the bottom.” You peer down at the contents of your back, and give a half smile when you see the pink cloth peeking out from underneath.

“Thanks for taking care of my stuff. I know you’ve basically moved out and all.”

“No worries. Do you, uh, need a ride home or anything? It’s pretty cold.”

You purse your lips at the offer, but shake your head. “It’s fine …” There’s an awkward silence and you quickly wonder if you should say anything more. Renjun looks awfully … apologetic right now and you feel there’s some more you can say. “How’s your new place? Have you seen it?”

“Yeah, I flew up there a few weeks back to get some of my main stuff shipped. A nice apartment, way bigger than whatever I had here,” he says with an awkward chuckle. You appreciate the effort.

Nodding, you tighten your grip on the bag. “That’s good to hear. I hope it all goes well with you. I … I think I’ll be taking my leave now. My brother’s back in town so …”

“Oh yeah, I heard from Jianing. Hope you’re having a good time—I know you haven’t seen him in ages.”

“Thank you. Anyways, I’m gonna get going now. Thanks again,” you say as you step back, throwing out a small wave.

A half-hearted, “See you,” leaves Renjun’s lips as you turn on your heel and start walking back to the bus station. There’s no promise of seeing Renjun later, or ever again, and something cold sinks in your stomach at the thought.

The thought that this all could’ve been avoided if Renjun hadn’t gotten that stupid job offer hundreds of miles away. If he didn’t decide to pack his bags and fly away just like Jun, like Yiren, like Minghao. Renjun was leaving, just like everyone else.

You clutch the paper bag close to your chest as you make your way to the bus stop, one hand fumbling in the pocket of your jacket as you search for your wallet and within seconds you’re a frantic mess. “Shit,” you mutter under your breath. “Shit, shit, shit!” you cry out when you drop your bag and pat frantically over your pockets to try and feel for your wallet.

Your digging into every crook of the coat and there’s a growing feeling of dread that washes over you once you realize that you lost your fucking wallet. Hands clenched at your side, you feel hot tears well up in your lash line as you stare down at the ground, letting in the shitty events of today sink in.

You don’t even know why you’re crying now. It’s hardly even cries, really, you’re downright sobbing as you plop down on the curb of the empty street, fumbling with your phone as you pull up Jun’s contact. Pressing the phone to your ear, you shut your eyes tight in an attempt to calm down your breath, but when you hear the line go dead you cry even harder, realizing that Jun is probably napping right now.

“Fuck my life,” you complain to yourself, letting your head hang low as you scroll through your phone. You aren’t even sure what compels you to click on him but before you know it you’re on speaker as you hear the buzzing of the phone as you wait for Minghao to pick up.

One ring. Maybe he’s busy.

Two rings. He might be looking for his phone.

Three rings. He probably won’t pick up.

Four rings, and you’re about to hang up but then it stops. “Minghao?”

Minghao’s voice is cool and calm when he says your name. “Do you—”

“I need your help,” you say so quietly you aren’t sure if he’ll be able to hear it. And then Minghao hears it: your soft pants and shaky breath and something about the sound has him squeezing his phone tightly.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m—” No, I feel like shit and I’m freezing my ass off and it’s so cold and I need you to help me. “Can you pick me up? I lost my wallet which has my bus card. I’m sorry, I know it’s a little late and you’re probably busy but—”

“Send me your location.”

Minghao is pulling up in his black car within twenty minutes and by then you’ve had enough time to wipe the tears from your face and piece together yourself to look presentable. Rolling down the windows as you wave over to his car, you hear the doors click and you’re roughly yanking on the door and throwing your stuff and yourself in.

Minghao raises a brow at your ruckus, asking once again, “Are you okay?” When you only sigh heavily, buckling yourself up, you hope Minghao will just leave it alone. You’d rather not talk about the stupid breakdown you just had in front of your childhood crush.

Minghao clearly doesn’t get the message, so when he starts the engine again, he murmurs, “Have you been crying?” You purse your lips together tightly as if the question itself as the tears bubbling up to the surface once again. “Did meeting with Renjun not go well?” You’re surprised he remembers his name—Minghao was never great with names. “Can you say something? I’m worried.”

“Sorry,” you say softly, letting your shoulder drop down, and from the corner of your vision you see Minghao watching you carefully. “I-I just got overwhelmed. And it was cold. Really cold. And then—” You take a shaky breath. “—and I lost my fucking wallet on top of it and it’s all so shitty and—”

His hand is on your shoulder and you hardly realize that Minghao has pulled over and parked so he can turn to face you. You’re crying again and you don’t even know how this fucking happened, all you know is that there’s so much going on in your head and Minghao is right there, he’s so close but then again, he’s so far.

“Hey, hey calm down for a sec’,” he says calmly, gripping your arm firmly. “Breathe slowly, and tell me what happened.”

You inhale sharply through your nose and scrunch your face up as you bury your head in your hands. In your right mind, you wouldn’t even think about telling Minghao about what’s on your mind but it’s been a really terrible past hour and you can’t control yourself.

“Renjun’s leaving. Didn’t want to do long distance and so he’s gone and—fuck, I don’t even blame him but why’d he have to leave,” you ramble, tears streaming down your flushed cheeks as Minghao pats your back gently.

“Did he say something to you when you met with him?” he asked, tone laced with concern. “I’m sorry, I’m just—are you o—okay please don’t cry.”

You don’t know why, but Minghao telling you to cry only makes the tears fall faster. “And Yiren—” you hiccup, “Yiren left too, I haven’t seen her in months and Jun a-a-and you—you’ve all been gone.” You don’t realize when Minghao grabs both your shoulders and forces you to face him completely.

“Slow down, please. No one’s left you, we’re all going to be here for you, you know that. Did Renjun say something which made you think like this?” he asks, the grip on your shaking shoulders growing tighter as you desperately try to steady yourself.

“N-no, but you’re not here. I hardly ever get to see my own brother and Yiren and you and Renjun and everything is so shitty I just—” you cry out and suddenly you stumble forward in the seat and before you know it Minghao’s arms are around you.

It’s not like you haven’t hugged him before but this is the first time you’re blubbering into his shoulder about your feelings, and if you weren’t so sad, you’d be fucking appalled. His warm hand is on your back, rubbing up and down slowly until you’ve finally found the conscience to actually breathe and realize just what’s going on.

Slowly, you pull away from Minghao’s hold, furiously wiping away at your face to dry yourself, looking down at your lap bashfully. “I am so sorry, what the fuck, I-I don’t know what came over me,” you blurt out when Minghao drops his hands from your shoulder. You miss the warmth, but you’re quite very embarrassed with yourself and don’t have the will to chase after his touch.

“Please don’t apologize,” Minghao replies softly, watching you with wide eyes. “That … was a lot and—”

“I’m sorry, look, I was just having a shitty day and it all piled up and you just—I don’t know I guess, let’s just pretend this never happened,” you beg with him. Minghao’s face looks like he wants to say more, but you really can’t tell with the way his eyes are clouded.

“Are you sure? You know you can talk to me.”

You gulp at the irony. No, you really can’t. You can’t tell Minghao anything, really, because even after crying and sobbing and wailing in his car he still looks at you with so much care and it has these stupid fucking butterflies erupting in your stomach like you’re fifiteen with a massive crush on your brother’s best friend.

“Can you just please drive me to my place?” you ask, looking up at him with pleading eyes. “I think I just really need to sleep.”

You can tell Minghao still has questions, but you don’t seem too willing to answer them so he doesn’t say anything when he nods and turns back to the road. The ride is silent, and when he finally parks he pats your shoulder.

You look out the window and furrow your eyebrows. “This isn’t my apartment complex …” you tell him, confused as you see a convenience store in front of you. The same one.

“C’mon, I know you love pop,” he says casually, unbuckling his seatbelt leaving you with no other choice to follow behind him. There’s an odd sense of deja vu that envelopes over you, shoving your pockets into your jacket shyly.

“Remember the last time we were here?” Minghao asks with a chuckle as you guys walk into the store.

“Don’t remind me,” you murmur. “That was a shitty day.”

Minghao gives you a nervous smile as he pulls out a can from the fridge and hands it to you, grabbing his own bottle as well. “Yeah, but Cola made it better, right?”

“I guess it did. Cola always makes things better,” you admit. “Hey, fuck you,” you say jokingly when Minghao pulls out his wallet. “You should’ve taken me here another time when I actually had my wallet—I need to pay you back for that day!” you whine with a pout. “Now I’m in debt to you twice! You’ve bought me two Colas!”

Minghao rolls his eyes playfully as he pays for the drinks. “Yeah well things are different now, and I’m pretty sure my wallet doesn’t care about the cost of two Colas.”

“Is Mr. Big and Famous too good for my money now?” you huff when you step back outside, opening your Cola. “I will pay you back, no matter how stupidly rich you get.”

“I’ll have to hold you to that,” Minghao laughs as you slip back into his car. The air is lighter as he drives you back to your place for real this time, and the lingering feeling of pop on your tongue is sweet and fun.

“Thank you for the ride. And the Cola,” you add when he’s in front of your building.

“You remember what I said?”

You nod as you step out of the car, picking up your brown bag. “Thank you so much for this. I’m sorry again.”

“Stop apologizing. Is there … is there anything else I can do? You want another Cola perhaps?”

“Very funny, but I don’t think I want to be jumping off the walls tonight …” you answer, closing the door but still peering through the open window. You think for a second as you chew your lip, nodding when you come up with something. “But do me a favor … don’t tell Jun.”

Jun takes you out to the lake house he booked three mornings after you met with Renjun and sobbed to Minghao in his car. It’s a refreshing turn of events, if you’re being honest, and you’re eager to sink into a relaxing weekend after a stressful exam season.

Your brother drives the three hours on the way with the promise of you driving on the way home hung over your head. When you reach the house—a medium sized cabin perched right by the lake and surrounded by trees and mountains—you’re greeted with the sight of Minghao sitting in his car and scrolling on his phone.

As you and Jun pile out of the car and grab your bags, Minghao comes out too, walking toward you with his hands stuffed in his pockets. “Thought you guys would never come. If you were gonna be late you should’ve just given me the keys to this place,” he says with a huff.

“Don’t blame me,” Jun shrugs, locking the car after you’ve both taken out your stuff, walking up to the cabin’s entrance. “She’s the one who wanted to stop and buy some pop.”

“Don’t act like you didn’t want it either,” you retort, reaching into your tote bag to hand Minghao a can of Cola. “Here,” you offer with a smile which he returns gleefully.

“Okay actually, totally valid reason,” Minghao says, flicking open the can before taking a sip.

“Hey! Don’t be on her side,” Jun whines as he opens up the cabin. Minghao and you chuckle together, your heart warming at the sound as you three start to load your things into the house. Minghao doesn’t say anything about that night when he picked you up, and for that much you’re grateful. This much, you can manage.

By the time you all have settled your things into your respective rooms it’s noon and the sun pummels down with admirable strength. As you stick your head out of your room, you catch Jun making his way down the hallway toward the bathroom.

“You going for a swim?” you ask, gesturing down to your swimsuit that you’ve already eagerly put on.

“Nah, I’m gonna go later. I need to take a call right now,” he says with a sigh and you nod, about to retreat back to your room before Minghao walks out of his own room.

“I’ll go if you’re going,” Minghao tells you casually, and you don’t waste a second to nod. “Give me five so I can get changed and then we can go out.”

You jump down the hall excitedly after he closes the door behind him, making your way to the backyard porch which leads into a deck over the lake. As you place your towel on one of the chairs outside, you hear the sliding door open.

Minghao walks out shirtless, lower half only covered with his swim trunks as he runs a hand through his shaggy hair, shaking his head lightly as he makes his way towards you, placing his towel next to yours. “Thanks for waiting … shit, it’s hot as hell,” he murmurs, and you’re thankful that you’re facing away from him right now—you aren’t sure you’d be able to handle the proximity and the sight of his bare upper body.

“Yeah,” you agree, finally straightening your back and putting some distance between the two of you when you start walking towards the edge of the deck. “The water’s so clear,” you think out loud, looking down at the blue lake in front of you.

“It’s really pretty … you want a picture?” Minghao suggests, walking up behind you.

“I would, but I left my phone inside.”

“Let’s just take it on my phone,” he says casually, holding up his phone in front of you, waving at you to step back a little so he can take a picture. “A candid one would look pretty with this view—like you’re looking out at the lake and stuff,” he begins to say, placing a smooth hand on your shoulder so he can manually turn you around so that you’re facing away from him.

When he lets his hand drop, it brushes over the curve of your hip and you have to bite down on your lip to stop the pathetic whimper that threatens to escape your lips. Luckily, Minghao can’t see the pained expression that makes its way onto your face as he steps back holding up his phone.

“Okay ready …” he calls out from further behind. “Three … two … one!” You hear a faint tapping sound as you still, letting Minghao take the pictures as you wait patiently. It takes a few moments, and you’re about to ask him how much longer he’s going to go at it before you hear the sound of something being dropped, and then a few rattling thuds.

“Minghao, what—” you begin to question as you slowly turn on your heel but by then it’s too late. “WHAT THE F—”

Your scream is cut off short when Minghao runs forward and lunges at you, one arm wrapping itself around your waist as he jumps into the water, bringing you down with him. The cool water of the lake hits your body and the wind gets punched out of your lungs as you feel your limbs entangle with his. Instinctevely, your arms tighten around one of his as your eyes press closed tightly as you feel your warm body start to level with the temperature around you.

And so even as your legs kick around for a few panicked moments, you begin to feel oddly at peace when your head finally reaches the surface of the water, Minghao’s hand still steady over your hips as you gasp for air.

“You’re a bitch for that,” you say, a few choked giggles escaping your lips as you do. Minghao finally unwinds his arm from yours, and while you miss the contact, his body is still dangerously close to yours, and you figure that that is already more than you can manage.

Minghao smiles gleefully, pushing his face so close that it’s right up in front of you. “Mm maybe, but it was really funny. Got it on video too.”

“What?!” you screech, swimming backward so quickly that you hit  your head on the wooden platform of the deck. “Crap!” you exclaim, hand immediately flying up to press against the throbbing crown of your head. Minghao’s eyes widen with concern as he wades his way towards you, tall enough to still have his feet touch the lake bottom unlike you.

“Shit, I’m sorry, are you okay?” he asks worriedly, his own hand coming up to feel the back of your head. His eyes are big and brown as he looks down at you, and for this moment, you forget about the dull ache and bask in the way the sun hits his skin so perfectly he glows.

“I’m fine!” you squeak quickly, letting your hand drop so you can tread in the water lightly, slowly moving a safe distance away from the deck.

“A-are you sure?” he probes, making his way to you, and you have a moment to admire him from afar—the way his hair is matted against his forehead and water drops gather at his lashes, making his eyes look prettier than ever.

You chuckle at the way his lips are pursed together apologetically, and you splash some water at him to lighten the mood. “Yes, Minghao, I’m great. I hardly hit myself.” Minghao’s face looks uneasy, and you laugh again.

It takes a few more minutes of you trying to convince him that you’re totally fine before he finally lets it go. Eventually, you find yourself on a big inflated duck-shaped floaty, laying down with your face up and eyes closed. You lose track of time, enjoying the white noise of Minghao splashing around in the water around you, drifting off into a hazy state until you hear a loud yell and feel yourself being flipped over and off your floaty.

“Jun!” you whine, rubbing your eyes as you furiously push hair off your face when you resurface, glaring at both Jun and Minghao laugh side by side. “You guys have to stop doing this to me,” you groan, eyes finally adjusting to its normal state.

“What are you talking about?” Jun asks innocently as you make your way over to the two of them, not bothering to turn your duck floatie back up right. “It was just an accident I fell on you—hey!” he yells out when you lunge at him. Minghao steps back quickly as you and Jun waddle and fight in the water, splashing water at each other while you try and get your revenge.

“Okay! Okay! I’m sorry,” Jun admits with a pout. “You didn’t do this to Minghao after he dunked you in the water,” he complains as you release him.

You narrow your eyes. “How do you know about that?”

“He sent me the video.”

“Minghao!” you exclaim, turning to the boy who is now treading around a meter in front of you. He only shrugs and grins cheekily.

“It was really funny,” Jun tells you with a laugh. “I might just post it on my story.”

“Oh my god, don’t you dare.”

Jun only shakes his head and starts slowly swimming further into the lake. “Don’t worry—I wouldn’t do that. Minghao can’t have any dating rumors, now can he?”

You chew on your lip, not responding. Minghao doesn’t say anything either, only chuckling along with your brother as he follows after him. You aren’t sure what to say to that, and the comment leaves some uneasy feeling hanging in your stomach.

Fuck, maybe you did hit your head hard.

You three spend a good few hours out in the lake until it’s evening. It’s a slow day and you start to realize just how much you missed spending time with your brother and Minghao like this—it isn’t often they get the opportunity to do things like this, so you’re grateful that they decided to share some of their few days of peace with you.

The second day is even hotter than the first, and you wake from your sleep early in the morning when the sky is still blooming with purple and orange hues. Crawling out from your bed, you make your way downstairs. If it was just you and your brother, you wouldn’t be so mindful about keeping your noise levels down because god knows that Jun can sleep through just about anything, but, Minghao is with you guys now, and you’d hate to sour his experience even just a little by accidentally waking him up for being too loud.

So you can imagine your surprise when you walk into the kitchen to see Minghao already leaning against the counter as he scrolls through his phone. He hasn’t noticed you and you contemplate leaving it like that for a few moments.

He’s wearing a tight fit, black, sleeveless top that shows off the curve of his shoulders and lets the sparkle of his silver chain glint under the morning light. Minghao is attractive—you and the millions of people in his comments know that—and you feel an odd sense of pride well up in your stomach that you’re one of the few people who get to see him like this.

With his hair messy and brushing over his eyes, legs crossed over each other as he presses his body weight against the kitchen island, bare skin glowing from the natural light, he’s beautiful.

Your face heats up when you realize you’ve just been staring at him, so you quickly clear your throat. “Good morning,” you chirp, walking into the kitchen so he can finally see you.

Minghao looks up from his phone, tucking it into the pocket of his sweatpants to greet you with a smile. “Hey, I didn’t know you were up. How’s your head doing?” he asks shyly, walking over to casually run his hand over that same spot on the crown of your head.

It’s an oddly intimate gesture, and if you didn’t know any better, your heart might have given out from the way he was touching you. Still, you know he’s just checking to see if it’s swollen, but your heart flutters anyways.

“I-it’s fine,” you reply, opening the fridge to pull out some orange juice as his hand drops. “I didn’t know you were an early riser. Jun always sleeps in whenever he gets the chance.”

“Yeah, well that’s why he’s paged as a literal cat by everyone,” Minghao says with a chuckle as you place a jug on the counter. “Do you want some tea? I’m just boiling the water now so I can add some more if you want.”

“Sure, that’ll be nice.” You pour yourself some orange juice. “Do you want to eat something? I brought some cupcakes to have for breakfast,” you offer, reaching into one of the bags you didn’t unpack to pull out a box.

“Are they those cupcakes?”

“Yup—the one and only!” you exclaim, opening the lid to show him. Minghao grins, pulling two out.

“God, I missed these. Y’know, Jun actually gave your recipe to Mingyu too, but he just doesn’t make them the same,” Minghao tells you, and your eyes light up.

“Really? Poor Mingyu,” you say with a sigh.

“If you ever end up visiting us in Korea, you should really make some,” Minghao suggests as he goes to take care of the boiling water, dropping some tea leaves into it before moving the water into a pot. Then, pulling out two small cups and plates, he says, “Me and Jun have told the others about how good you make them, but they really need to try them.”

“I’d love to,” you say with a grin, giddy with the way Minghao is boosting your ego. As he pours out the tea into two mugs, you put the cupcakes on the small plates, looking out to the glass sliding door which leads to the porch by the lake. “You want to eat outside? The sky looks really beautiful now, and the weather looks like it’s nice too.”

Minghao nods, holding up the two mugs while you grab the plates and follow him outside and onto the little shaded porch where you sit by two of the chairs and the small, knee level coffee table. The sky is still deep in its changing colors, and you pull out your phone to take some pictures.

“Can you take some pictures of me? For my WeVerse and Instagram and stuff?” he asks when you’re done, holding out his phone in your direction.

“Yeah, of course.” Leaning back after you grab his phone, you position yourself as Minghao poses. “Lean back a little more so the background can—yeah, perfect …” You take a few photos, and Minghao nods happily when you show him.

“Can you take some more candid ones?”

“Sure, let’s switch spots. I think it’ll look nicer if it looks like you’re looking out to the lake from here,” you suggest, getting up from your seat. Minghao complies without protest and you spend a few more minutes taking some pictures before finally handing him the phone. “You like them?”

“Hell yeah I do,” he says, looking through his phone. “You’re great at this,” he compliments sincerely.

“I’m used to taking the kinda pictures you guys like now … Jun has trained me well,” you joke, sitting back in the seat and reaching for your own cup of tea. It’s quiet for a few moments as you both relax and watch the sky grow brighter by the minute.

Jun wakes up an hour later, trudging out his room with groggy eyes as you poke fun of him. The morning is slow for a short while after that before Minghao is reminding you all that you need to start heading back home. The two of them are leaving for Korea in two days, after all, and that leaves them with only today and tomorrow to completely bask in themselves and the rest of their family, so you pack your things and end your stay at the cabin before the clock hits noon.

That night, after you drive yourself and Jun home and you retreat to the comfort of your apartment, you flop down onto your couch and pull out your phone. You’re met with a few notifications from WeVerse and Instagram, casually scrolling through the apps when your eyes catch a few familiar pictures.

It’s on Instagram and you recognize the bright orange of the rising sky that sits behind Minghao who is smiling into the camera. The next picture is a candid one of him looking at the lake while he drinks some tea, and the third is a picture of the cupcake you made.

You grin at the picture—the rest of the world won’t know it, but you definitely do—it’s a little piece of you that Minghao is sharing with the world. Though, you aren’t sure if he put as much thought into it as you are right now.

Brushing it off as Minghao just wanting to share a pretty picture of a nice looking cupcake, you purse your lips together only for them to be parted when you read his caption.

i’m a weirdo

Scrolling through the comments, you come across people saying, many among the following:

ur not a weirdo >:c fellow radiohead fanatic i see is the8 a certified creep? o: i didn’t know minghao liked radiohead … another reason to stan!

As you ignore the increased palpitating of your heart at the idea that Minghao quoted a line from, in your opinion, “your guys’ song.” you sit and think for a moment about what to do. You consider just liking the post and scrolling past it before a funny thought crosses your mind, and so you start typing into the comments.

i wonder who took these pics lol

No one’s going to see it. Minghao is definitely not going to see it, but you giggle to yourself anyways. You’re about to put your phone down when you get a notification of a reply to your comment. Curious, you open it up, and see that it’s just a random person.

imagine it’s his gf

You laugh to yourself. You wish.

The last day or two with Jun goes as they always do when he’s here—slow, but all that you need. He spends his time at your parents house and you stop by for lunch and dinner the day after you both return from the lake house.

The afternoon, you both went down to the cafe and stocked up on chocolate buns—Jun’s request—and spent the rest of your time until evening going over your plans for the rest of the summer. You enjoy this part, always. Not Jun leaving—of course not—but spending these tame moments with him.

It makes you wonder what things would have been like if he never left. Maybe he’d move out for university someplace else, but you’d get to see him more, probably. Get to hang out with him every weekend, instead of every two months.

You shake yourself off the thought as you drive to your parents house. Having Jun around more often would be nice, but there isn’t any point in dreaming about the impossible.

As you pull up to the driveway and park your car, you notice Minghao standing out by the front door with his suitcase and a bag. “Hey, looking for Jun?”

“Well, yeah. Of course I wanna say bye to you both before you go … is the van here yet?”

“Nah, it’s still taking some time but Jun is on the other side of the house to see if the car is gonna come from that side,” he explains.

“I’m gonna miss you guys … you know when you’re both going to come next?” you ask, voice softer than you anticipated.

“I really don’t know—I’m sorry. You know how things are.”

“Yeah,” you mumble, shoulders deflating as you look down at the ground..

“I know—it’s not … it's not easy for Jun, either, I can tell. It isn’t easy for any of us to leave.” When Minghao finishes speaking you only nod, and as your eyes meet,you feel like there’s something he wants to say. “Hey,” he murmurs quietly.

A heavy hand is placed on your shoulder, and you feel you might as well sink to the ground and let the earth swallow you up. “If you’re going to talk about—”

“Hear me out, yeah?” Minghao cuts you off, and when you open your mouth in protest, he continues. “Don’t …” he inhales deeply before saying, “Don’t take what I’m about to say the wrong way, okay?”

You cross your arms over your chest. “That really depends on what you’re going to say.”

“Okay, just … just listen. Jun, and me, and Yiren, and Renjun—” God, why is he bringing this up? “—we aren’t trying to hurt you.”

“Of course I know that.” Your eyebrows knit together and Minghao sighs at your reaction, letting his hand fall from your shoulder. You miss the touch, but your mind is a little too preoccupied with trying to decipher Minghao’s words to dwell on it.

“I’m just saying … you shouldn’t try to depend on anyone.” You open your mouth and then close it, trying to figure out how the hell he expects you to respond to this.

“What d’you mean?”

“Well I mean,” he huffs before continuing, shoving his hands in his pockets, “you obviously have been … upset about people leaving you and you can’t expect everyone to stick around forever.”

“If you’re talking about Renjun, he was my boyfriend. I think it’s okay for me to expect someone who I’m dating to ‘stick around,’ even though it might not be forever.”

“I guess, but it’s not just Renjun, right? Jun … Yiren … me …” he voice trails off.

“I basically spent my whole middle and high school years around you and Yiren, and Jun is literally my brother. Do you think me wanting the people I quite literally grew up around to be here for me is being ‘dependant?’”

“I don’t know what to tell you. I mean we were all going to grow up eventually? Look, don’t take this the wrong way and—”

“Excuse me?” you blurt out harshly, taking a step back, scoffing before you continue. “I wouldn’t be taking this the wrong way if you obviously didn’t mean it the wrong way. You basically just said I’m not independent.”

Minghao frowns at your reaction before responding, “I didn’t say that. I just said you shouldn’t depend on anyone.”

“Which implies that I am depending on people unnecessarily!”

Minghao adjusts his backpack straps as he says, “I mean you did cry for quite a while about how people are leaving you. I just don’t want you to get more hurt by being dependent on others.”

“Thanks for the concern,” you shoot sarcastically, “but I’m not dependent on anyone. I was upset that night because all the people closest to me have moved away and if you ask any normal person, I’m pretty sure they’d agree that that’s a valid reason to cry a little. So sorry if that was too much for you.” You say the last part with disgust laced on your tongue, and you watch Minghao’s face grow increasingly sour as you go on.

“Okay, now you’re just twisting my words,” Minghao huffs, glancing around to make sure that no one is close by.

“What the hell Minghao,” you scoff, clenching your fists at your side. You don’t want to be the person to jump down his throat, but you can’t help but feel like you’re being talked down to. “Why—why are you acting like I’m still a little kid. I’m more than Jun’s little sister, you do know that right?”

“Oh my god, seriously?” Minghao retorts, eyebrows rising in a mix of disbelief and irritation. “You think that’s what this is about? For fuck’s sake I’m just looking out for you.”

“Exactly!” you exclaim, pointing an accusing finger at him. “There’s no reason for that! Like I said, I’m not some little girl anymore and I’ve been looking out for myself for years. You just happened to catch me in a moment where I let myself be sad about it which, again, is a totally valid thing to be sad about.”

“I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“Well congratulations! You were unsuccessful,” you mumble out, feeling an ugly knot build up in your throat. “I trusted you,” you say softly, and Minghao looks at you with eyes so apologetic you almost think about forgiving him. “That night after I saw Renjun—I-I trusted you,” you add more harshly this time. “And I cried to you even though we haven’t properly spoken in fuck knows how long and you take all that and make me out to seem like some sort of defenseless kid—”

“Can you stop—you’re putting words into my mouth. I never said you were defenseless or not independent or anything like that—I don’t even know why you think I would think of you like that because you know that’s not true.”

“Minghao, I don’t know if you’ve realized but it’s been years since we've talked properly. Just because—” You take a deep breath before continuing your bitter words. “—just because you get to live your stupidly amazing life with my brother by your side doesn’t mean that you know me and that I know you, because clearly we don’t know each other at all!”

“I’m sorry?” he says exasperatedly. “Sorry I care about you or whatever, even though things have changed.”

You scowl, and in your right mind you wouldn’t let your next words slip out of your mouth. “Well don’t. I’ve been fine without your sympathy so far, I’m pretty sure I can go on a bit longer.”

Minghao is about to respond, you can tell from the way his hands fiddle at his sides, but then there’s a buzzing and you reach into your pocket to pull out your phone. “Hey Jun,” you say, answering the call without meeting Minghao’s gaze. “… Yeah, he’s with me, we’re just waiting for the car … okay I’ll tell him.”

Tucking the device back into your pocket, you look at Minghao. “Jun is asking for you on the other side of the house. You should go,” you say flatly and you can tell from the look on his face that he wants to say more, but holds back.

Grabbing his suitcase, he tears his eyes from you and doesn’t look back after saying, “See you,” walking away and around the corner of the street. There’s that similar chill that takes over your body when Minghao says the same words Renjun said just a few nights before, and you silently wonder if this is history repeating itself.

“So,” Yiren says as she plops down onto your couch, kicking her feet up onto your coffee table. “How’d meeting with Renjun go? He give you your shit back?”

“Why wouldn’t he?” you grumble as you walk over and nudge her legs to get her to put them down. “And you can’t just flop down and sit! Put your suitcase away so it’s not in the middle of the room,” you order, trying to be stern as Yiren sticks her tongue out at you.

“So bossy—your best friend is visiting your cute little abode and you can’t help her out with her stuff?” Yiren juts out her bottom lip into a pout as you sit next to her and wrap your arms around her waist, sinking into the couch. “Okay what’s going on. You’re being extra snappish …” she asks a bit more seriously, pulling away from your hold to get a better look at you. “Was it Renjun? Did he say something before he left?”

“No!” you say quickly, looking away bashfully, leaning back against the arm rest. You fucking wish you were in this sour mood because of Renjun because you could manage that. Renjun is gone, and it would hurt but you’d get over it.

You aren’t sure how long it’ll take to get over Minghao, if you ever do at all.

“Are you lying to me? You know I can tell when you’re not telling the truth.”

“I am telling the truth.” Just not all of it, you think to yourself.

Yiren sighs loudly, sitting up straight and facing you completely. “You are so bad at this. C’mon tell me—what’d he say? Or was it not Renjun—Jun? Which Jun was it? Did you and Jun fight?”

“I—”

“Like that one time two years ago and you didn’t talk to each other until he came back a month later and—”

You cringe at the memory, slapping a hand over her mouth. “Yiren don’t bring that up. I hated that.”

“Okay sorry,” she says sheepishly. “But seriously—what was it? Renjun? Jun? Which one? Or wait—Min—oh my gosh, don’t tell me it was Minghao!” When you take more than a second to respond, Yiren gasps. “Oh god, it was Minghao.”

She stands up quickly, looking down at your figure on the couch. Before you can say anything, she turns on her heel and walks towards your kitchen. “Hey, where are you going!” you call out to her, sitting upright.

Yiren doesn’t respond, only reaching into the fridge and pulling out two cans of pop. Walking back, she sits down in front of you and hands you a Cola, opening her own Sprite herself. “C’mon, you need to tell me about this. The pop is just here for emotional support.”

You narrow your eyes at her. You thought you were dealing with the effects of your argument with Minghao perfectly fine, but as you look down at the cold can in front of you, an uneasy feeling bubbles up in your stomach. Taking a deep breath, you set the can down on your coffee table, leaving it unopened.

Yiren gapes at you with wide eyes. “You’re not going to have it?” Neck hanging low, you shake your head, and you hear her gasp quietly. “Oh my gosh, you just turned down a Cola,” she mutters, grabbing a pillow and pushing it in your direction. “Okay now you need to tell me what’s going on.” She pauses, shuffling closer, adding softly, “It’s okay, you can cry.”

And just like that, the dam breaks and stray tears fall from your lashes as you clutch the pillow close to your chest, blubbering your mind away to your best friend.

“I don’t even get it—I thought I was over him?” you question aloud. “Like when I was with Renjun I was happy and I didn’t think about Minghao because Renjun was great and he was so nice but he just—” you choke back a sob and Yiren pats your back.

“But he left,” she murmurs softly and you want to cry harder because Yiren left too, but then you remind yourself of what Minghao said. Taking a deep breath, your wipe your face of your tears and although your lips still quiver, you start to speak.

“It’s okay,” you mutter, because it isn't like you haven’t cried over this before. “I just—I guess I haven’t really tried hard enough.”

“Tried to … what exactly?”

You huff, throwing your back onto the couch as you look up at the ceiling. “You know: get over him.”

Yiren chuckles a little, and even through your sniffles, you laugh with her. “What are you saying—you gonna fuck around now?”

“Maybe not fuck around,” you say, crossing your legs. “More like … have some fun.”

“So basically fuck around.”

“Yiren!”

“Oh c’mon—you need me to set you up with someone? My sister knows a lot of—”

You nudge her playfully. “What happened to ‘Ms. I Want Half of the Proceeds from your Wedding with Minghao?’”

“First of all,” Yiren waves a finger at you pointedly, “I only asked for 25%, but if you two can come back from this, I will be asking for at least 50% because I have been rooting for you two since day one.”

“Aren’t you the one who’s trying to set me up with other guys?”

“That’s only because you come first to me. Your relationship with Minghao—”

“The nonexistent one,” you correct and Yiren glares at you.

“Okay fine. Your nonexistent relationship with Minghao comes second. I want to see you happy. If you get to be happy with Minghao that’s just an added plus because, you know, 50% of all the gifts and—”

“You’re getting 25% max.”

“Don’t worry. There’s still time for plenty of negotiation and—”

“Yiren!”

You don’t live up to Yiren’s expectations—in her words, she wanted you to have a hot girl summer, but you couldn’t be bothered to go through with it. Well, sort of.

The next two months go along as your summers usually do. You take up a job near your apartment, working through the morning and afternoon, spending your evenings at home or occasionally out with Jianing.

Jianing doesn’t know much about anything when it comes to your (nonexistent) relationship with Minghao, and you figure she doesn’t need to. When you need a distraction, all it takes is a quick message asking her to accompany you for whatever endeavors you have going on for the night and she’s on board.

It’s a slow summer, but you don’t really mind. Not burdened with the stress of your classes and with Jun and Minghao gone for the next two months for their own performances and promotions, you have time to focus on yourself.

Occasional parties, indulging in hobbies, daily walks in the mornings, late nights of binge watching TV shows, outings with Jianing—it’s all a part of a simple routine that you’ve curated to do one thing, and one thing only: relax.

It’s only near the end of the summer, around three weeks before your classes are set to resume, that Jun calls you to let you know he’s coming home with Minghao. He seems pretty casual about it, and you’re reminded about how Minghao probably didn’t mention anything about your argument to your brother, which you’re thankful for.

It’s a passing thought that you’ll have to figure out how you want to act when you finally face him again. Whatever. That’s a problem for another time. Right now, you relax.

That problem for another time seems to have become a problem for now. Jun came home two days ago and things were alright—no run-ins to Minghao and you spend time with your brother like you usually do whenever he returns: with bickering and meals.

It’s only on the third day that things become a little … a little iffy. Your brother texts you in the evening to get ready quickly because he’s stopping by with Minghao for dinner at his place, and it’s all happening so quickly that you don’t have time to come up with an excuse.

So here you are, throwing on your sacred pink jacket because it’s the first thing in your vision, some old jeans, and waiting outside your apartment building much less enthusiastically than you’d like. It’s only a matter of minutes before your phone buzzes with a text from Jun letting you know he’s here and you see Minghao’s car pulling up in front of you.

Making your way to the back door where you usually sit with the two of them, you furrow your brows seeing Jun sitting in your usual spot.

“Sit in the front,” Jun orders when you go to open the back door, “I wanna lay down.” You shrug, making your way to the passenger seat as Jun settles into the back, resting his head on the window while kicking his legs up onto the other two seats.

“Hi,” you say quietly to Minghao who nods and speaks his own quick greeting, averting his attention to the wheel in front of him without much more than that.

“Please,” he huffs, watching Jun through the rear view mirror, “don’t put your shoes on the seats. I just had the car cleaned.” Jun clicks his tongue and kicks his shoes off, continuing to lay back in the seat as Minghao starts the car. The ride is silent as he drives toward the restaurant, both you and Jun on your phones while Minghao has his eyes trained on the road.

Once he parks in front of the place, you watch from the corner of your vision to see Minghao unbuckling his seatbelt before your brother speaks up.

“You guys can wait here, I’m gonna grab the food,” Jun says, slipping in his shoes and making his way to the restaurant, leaving you and Minghao in thickening silence. His hands are resting on his thighs and you press your head on the window, looking out as you try to focus on anything but this.

“Uh,” Minghao clears his throat, and you silently brace yourself for what he might say. “Nice jacket.”

Oh.

Glancing down at what you’re wearing, you twiddle with the hem of the familiar pink jacket. You wonder if this is Minghao’s way of holding out a figurative olive branch, and then you think harder about if you’re willing to accept it. “Thanks,” you reply, matting a hand over your hair before turning your attention to Jun who’s walking towards your car now.

Slipping into the back seat, he shakes the plastic bag in the air as he buckles himself in. “Takeout secured. Let’s go back to your place now,” Jun says, tapping on Minghao’s shoulder from behind. There’s an odd tension in the air, and you don’t doubt that Jun feels it, although he keeps his mouth shut about it.

No one says a word until Minghao is parking in his driveway and unlocking the front door. You follow behind the two of them, Jun grabbing the food as you enter Minghao’s house.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” Jun asks, putting the takeout bag on the coffee table of the living room as you all begin to settle down.

You shrug off your coat as you say, “Uh, I have to go back to my place and go out for the afternoon and evening with Jianing. Me and her have this little monthly date day thing, and we’re going to the city.”

“Wha-a-a-t,” Jun drawls out, a frown etched onto his face. You narrow your eyes at him, shrugging.

“What? It’s not like you’re leaving right after tomorrow.”

“Yeah, but I’m not here for long. I wanted to do something tomorrow, since I might be doing stuff after that!” Jun whines, pointing at Minghao. “We might be going to this cool store and take some pictures and stuff.”

You huff, slightly annoyed as you flop down on a couch. “Okay well can’t you do that tomorrow then? I already have plans.”

Jun pouts, and if he wasn’t so on your nerves right now, you would poke some fun at him. “Why-y-y? You knew I was coming this week!”

“Well it’s not like I can clear my schedule for you. If you wanted to do something you should’ve told me earlier!”

“I let you know last week I was coming down!”

“Jun,” you say with a half laugh, noticing the way Minghao’s eyes have been flickering back and forth between you two through the whole conversation, “one week is not enough time to change some plans. I’ve been meeting with Jianing consistently at this time of month for over a year!”

“But still—”

“It’s not like if I showed up to Korea whenever the time’s convenient for me, you’d drop everything you’re doing to spend time with me!” you exclaim.

Jun’s fists ball at his side before he says, “That’s because my job is important and—”

“The stuff I do in my life might not seem important to you but it is very much important to me. Sorry I’ve made commitments to other people before I even knew you were coming, but I don’t know why you’d expect me to drop all my plans just for you. It’s not even like we aren’t going to see each other afterwards too.”

“Well I’d only hope that’s the case—I only ever see you once every few months so sorry for wanting to take some of your time.”

“Guys—” Minghao starts to say, standing between the two of you but when both you and Jun glare at him, he steps back.

“Do you think your time is worth more than mine or something?” you scoff at Jun, ignoring Minghao.

“You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I’m sorry, what exactly did you mean it like then?” you hiss.

Jun sucks in a breath between clenched teeth and runs a hand through his hair. “You know what I meant. Things are just—they’re different. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Right yeah. I won’t understand because I don’t have all these girls throwing themselves at me, making me think I’m entitled to everyone’s damn time.” Maybe you crossed a line with that one, but you’re too angry to care now. Hot tears well up in your lash line, threatening to fall any moment now.

“You were the one who was being a brat when you found out I was going to go to Korea in the first place!” Jun exclaims. “Fucking hell, why are you making such a big deal out of me wanting to spend some time with you now?”

Your face screws up into some kind of ugly frown at the words, and you clench your fists as your side. “A brat?” you repeat. “A brat? Is that seriously what you think of me?

“Well you did make a pretty damn big scene about me leaving, so yeah, maybe I do feel entitled to some of your time seeing that you were the one who was desperate for it in the first place.”

“Desperate? Are you kidding me—desperate? I was sixteen and you dumped the fact that you were moving away in like less than two months on me —of course I was upset but desperate? Well fuck you too I guess.” You punctuate the last word by turning on your heel, grabbing your coat off and marching past Minghao and over to the door.

You don’t hear Jun say anything after you do, and for that you are grateful because you don’t think you’ll be able to handle hearing his voice again. Walking out the foyer past the door, you stomp your way to your car, forcefully yanking the driver’s seat open and plopping yourself down with a heavy thud.

Without a word, you press your forehead against the steering and scream a loud and painful, “FUCK!” You can’t even remember a damn thing you or Jun said but all that throttles in your head is the word brat and you feel you might just pull the steering wheel off your stupid car and tear just about everything else apart too.

The prospect is pretty tempting, actually, and in your red, you continue to hit your head, albeit gently, against the wheel as you mutter incoherent curses to yourself. The thud of your skull against the smooth letter rings in your ears until it becomes all that you can hear, so loud that it almost drowns out the knocking sound that comes from outside.

“Holy shit!” you gasp, when you see Minghao from the corner of your vision, standing outside your car with his lips pressed into the thin line. Rolling down your windows, you grimace. “You fucking scared me so bad. Please never creep up on me like that again.”

He narrows his eyes at you. “Don’t fucking storm out like that again then,” Minghao says, and your eyes widen slightly when you hear his voice. It’s harder, firmer, more serious than you’ve ever heard before.

“What are you—”

“You can’t drive when it’s night and you’re sobbing—”

“I am not sobbing,” you fruitlessly choke out, wiping some tears off your cheek as you straighten your back and glare at him.

“Look I get you’re mad at Jun and all but can you please calm down and talk to me so—”

You let out a humorless laugh as you begin to roll your windows back up. “Don’t even get me started on you.”

Minghao clicks his tongue as he sticks a hand into your window to stop it from going up any further, looking sideways for a second before turning back to you. “Okay well I don’t want you to drive yourself home like this. It’s not safe.”

“I am not staying here tonight.”

“Then let me drive you home,” Minghao suggests and you open up to object but no words come out. “You agree? C’mon, step out.” You let out nothing more than a huff as you open the door, slipping out quickly and shuffling to the other side where you sit with your arms crossed over your chest, bottom lip jutting out into a pout.

Minghao has already taken your spot, hands on the same steering wheel that you were planning on smashing with your head just minutes ago. He’s quiet for a few moments as he backs out of the driveway and starts driving down the street, the car echoing nothing but your soft sniffles that haven’t seemed to stop.

When Minghao opens his mouth again, you’re bracing yourself for a round of chiding, but all that comes out is a one-word question. “Pop?” He takes your silence as a confirmation, and soon enough Minghao is pulling up to that same convenience store. “Do you want me to get it for you?” he asks after he’s parked in front of the convenience store.

You purse your lips together, finally letting yourself turn to look at him. You really want to be mad at him but when you catch the way his fingers are shoved into his pockets, teeth gnawing at his bottom lip as he awaits your answer, you start to realize that Minghao might be just as apprehensive about this as you are.

“It’s fine,” you mutter, unbuckling your seatbelt so you can get out, Minghao following you quickly.

You’re the first to walk in this time, grabbing a Cola for yourself before looking at Minghao with a raised brow. When he nods, you toss him another can and he makes his way to the cash register. He’s about to pull out his wallet when you’re brushing past him and getting there first, holding up your card to the machine proudly.

“Just because I don’t want to be in any more debt to you,” you murmur, handing Minghao a can after you’ve paid for them both. You lead the way, walking out of the door and slotting yourself into the passenger seat of your car and Minghao gets into the seat next to you, turning on the engine.

You’re still quiet when he starts driving towards your apartment building, and you think that this is the perfect chance for you to drown in the silence. Maybe if you pretend you’re alone, you’ll be able to forget about all the thoughts running through your mind.

Pressing your eyes shut, you slump down into your seat and just as you’re about to let your mind drift into the silence, you hear a familiar rattle of the snare and guitar bridge and your eyes snap open, staring at Minghao directly. He faces forward, eyes trained on the road as he pulls closer to the curb in front of your complex, sighing deeply when the car starts to slow down.

“What are you trying to do Minghao?” you finally say weakly, burying your face in your hands. “You—you’re playing Creep and you took me to get Cola and all you were supposed to do was take me home so—”

“Can I not try to make you feel better? I don’t want you to be upset, so I’m sorry if I’m trying to do the things I know you enjoy,” Minghao responds with a heavy breath, parking in front of your building just like that night he did when he picked you up from the bus stop after you met with Renjun.

The deep strumming of guitar and vibrations of the bass bounce off the walls of your car, and you slip into your seat as the words of the song sink in.‘What the hell am I doing here?’ Glancing up at Minghao, your vision grows blurry. “Minghao …” your voice is quiet and strained when you call for him, and in that moment, you know.

All those years ago when you wanted to kiss him and hold him and pull him close, but you didn’t because you were scared. When you wanted to let your tongues collide and tug at his hair, but you didn’t because you had so much to lose.

You still have so much to lose, but you’re not scared anymore.

And it seems Minghao isn’t either.

Tonight, you get to taste the lingering drops of Cola on his tongue. You get to feel his arms fumbling over the armrest, slipping around your waist and yanking you onto his lap. You get to hold his neck and let your fingers sit in his hair. You get to indulge.

Minghao’s mouth is hot against yours, tongue lapping at your bottom lip when you take a sacred moment to breathe on top of him before your eyes are fluttering back shut and your lips mold into one once again. He hugs you so close you don’t know how you can still breathe, don’t know how your bones don’t melt into each other in this burning moment.

Your lips work fervently to slide against each other in a wet, calculated mess that has you whimpering into Minghao’s mouth when one of his hands cups your jaw. His thumb is soft against your cheekbone when he tilts your head to the side so that your noses brush against either and his lips delve deeper into the caverns of your mouth.

You don’t know how long you two go at it, fingers grappling at whatever skin you can, Minghao’s hand brushing under your shirt and stroking the plush of your hips. And when you feel like you can’t breathe anymore because your heart is so full, you pull away, letting the thin string of saliva connect your shiny lips.

Your brain is foggy and you and Minghao simply sit in the comfortable silence. Well, almost comfortable silence.

You shouldn’t try to depend on anyone.

“W-wait,” you stutter when Minghao leans forward in hopes to catch your lips in another fleeting kiss. “Oh my god,” you mutter to yourself, pushing his shoulders back against the seat as you try to shuffle off his lap.

Minghao holds your waist tightly, but you break free of the grasp. “What are you doi—hey, wait a sec!”

“You said you’re trying to make me feel better but you just did exactly the opposite,” you scoff, slipping on your coat as you push the car door open.

“What are you talking abo—” You cut him off by slamming the door, and Minghao quickly grabs your keys and follows after you. “Slow down.”

You whip around to face him, tears streaming down your face for what feels nth time tonight. “Look, you left like two months ago spewing all this stuff about how I should be independent but the second you come back you act like you’re trying so hard to make me feel better and stuff and then—” You take a deep breath, “—then we makeout and you—fuck I don’t know, I don’t know what you expect from me! Do you just expect me to forget about this and not get upset when you leave again?” you choke out. “Just keep my keys and drive yourself back to your place. I’ll pick up my car later,” you mutter.

“Can you stop doing this? It’s just like what happened last time, and I don’t want to have to leave if you’re—if we’re not okay.”

“What ‘we?’ Weren’t you the one who told me to not expect anyone to stay? I’m not going to do this ‘we’ and ‘us’ thing with someone who is just going to leave all over again. I’m not going to expect you to stay.”

“Look, I just don’t want this to be hanging over your head when I’m gone.”

Ironic, you think to yourself. You want to tell Minghao that he’s been hanging over your head ever since you met him all those years ago, but you bite back the words.

“Minghao,” you say, your voice strained and tired, “I’m already exhausted and my brain isn’t working so can you please just give me my space.”

And if Minghao is one thing, it’s not pushy, and you know that this is all it takes to get him to back off. Though, you don’t miss the way his face falls as he steps back quietly.

“See you,” he mutters through gritted teeth as he turns on his heel, and you can’t tell if you’re relieved or bothered by the way he leaves so silently.

You don’t see Minghao or Jun after that night. They’rewere  supposed to leave for Korea in the next four days, and so you spend those four days lodged up in your apartment, not leaving unless absolutely necessary—you’re scared that you might run into one of them, as pathetic as that sounds.

Jun doesn’t text you and you don’t text him. It’s a bit abnormal, you two communicate at least once every two days, if not more. It’s a bit of an unspoken rule, but now that you’re both hot-headed and very much not in the right mind, you figure some rules are meant to be broken.

It’s two days after Jun and Minghao were scheduled to leave, the only confirmation that you got that they actually did leave being the group picture at the airport your father sent to the family group chat.

Jianing comes to your apartment when you finally call her over, quickly picking up on your sullen state.

“I don’t get it,” she says with a shrug after you explain to her everything that happened between you and Jun and Minghao.

“Well yeah, I guess you don’t, but this has been going on for a while,” you reply begrudgingly, sinking into your couch as she stares at you blankly from your armchair.

“Just—I dunno—talk to them?”

You give her a funny look. “How?” you groan, throwing your head back. “They won’t be back for like a month at least, and I don’t want to call them.”

“I forget they’re famous sometimes” Jianing mutters, rolling her eyes, and you laugh at the comment.

“You and me both,” you say, straightening your back.

“But still, I don’t get it. I mean just visit them?” she suggests casually.

“I can’t just fly up to Korea unannounced!” you exclaim, bewildered.

Jianing rolls her eyes at you and you frown. “Why not? I mean you just said this might go on for a while if you don’t talk to them so I don’t get it. Just go see them.”

YOURS TRULY

you: chan i need ur help [8:13 AM] chan: this is ur first time texting me in three months [8:15 AM] chan: so i am going to assume this is pretty important [8:15 AM] you: i’m at incheon airport [8:16 AM] chan: what [8:17 AM] you: what [8:17 AM] chan: jun didn’t say anything about u coming??! [8:19 AM] you: DON’T TELL HIM [8:19 AM] chan: what … [8:20 AM] you: i’m surprising him [8:20 AM] chan: ????? [8:21 AM] chan: who knows [8:21 AM] you: um you do [8:21 AM] chan: thank u [8:22 AM] chan: so what do u need [8:22 AM] you: can u pick me up [8:23 AM] chan: i don’t have a choice do i [8:24 AM] you: nope :3 [8:24 AM]

When black SUV stops in front of you by the curb at the airport, you smile brightly, waving at the driver as the windows begin to roll down. You’re about to chirp a quick, “Hi Chan!” but the words get caught in your throat when you see who’s driving.

“Jeonghan?” you ask confusedly. He waves at you from the front seat, and Chan sticks his head in from the back to look at you through the window.

“I’m sorry!” he exclaims, opening the door to help you pull in your suitcase and get situated into the back seat. “Look, I tried to leave without anyone noticing but they saw me so I told them I was going to the gym, but he said he wanted to come and —” Chan glares at the man in the passenger seat, “— I don’t even know why since he hasn’t gone to the gym in ages—”

“Watch it Chan!” Jeonghan calls out from the front as the cat starts to move, pulling an eye roll out of the boy sitting next to you.

“Whatever. Basically, I had no choice but to bring him along and tell them I was actually picking you up.”

“You guys didn’t tell Jun, did you?” you ask worriedly.

“I—no,” Jeonghan says. “And even if we tried, he won’t be awake for another hour or whatever. That’s besides the point anyways—Chan is terrible at lying.”

“You caught me off guard! I wasn’t expecting to see anyone this morning, so I didn’t have any excuses prepared …” Chan huffs, sinking into his seat as you glance back and forth between them nervously.

“Thank you for trying anyways,” you say sincerely, adjusting in your seat. “I know this was all really sudden but I didn’t plan anything out and I kinda ended up here before I could even process anything,” you add.

“Hey, Minghao was telling us about these really good cupcakes you make—if you have time, can you bake them for us?” Chan asks, out of the blue.

You give him a funny look and then smile. “Sure, if I have the time. I’d like to—they told me Mingyu tries to make them for you guys.”

“Yeah! That would—”

“Thank you, but I’m going to assume that you are here for a reason other than making us your infamous cupcakes,” Jeonghan says, merging onto the freeway.

“As much as I’d love for that to be why I’m here, you’re right,” you mutter, resting your head against the headrest.

“Is everything alright?” Jeonghan asks.

As you’re about to respond, Chan chimes in. “This is about Jun, isn’t it?”

“Ai—Channie, don’t jump to conclusions,” Jeonghan reprimands but Chan shakes his head, holding his hand up as he turns to you with wide eyes.

“No, no, I’m not assuming anything. I’m right, aren’t I?” Partly. Chan continues. “Well it’s just—I can kinda tell. He’s being a little snappier. Jeonghan wouldn’t know but—“

Jeonghan gives Chan a warning look through the rear view mirror. “What do you mean I wouldn’t know?”

“Hannie, just listen to me. So me and Soonyoung and Minghao and Jun have been practicing at night right—for that next performance—and you know that Jun has a bit of a temper, especially in the night, but I don’t know—it’s just been different recently.”

You stifle a scoff when Chan mentions Jun having a short temper, looking out the window hoping no one heard. Jun does have a bit of a fiery streak, but the truth is that you’re just as sporadic as him.

Fire meets fire. Huh, wonder what that makes. More fire, probably. That’s what got you here, isn’t it? Unfortunately.

“Has, uh,” you pause wondering if you should ask this, but curiosity does kill the cat, after all. “Has Minghao seemed … off?”

Jeonghan narrows his eyes at you. “What’s Minghao got to do with this? Did something happen with him too?” Curse that emotionally intelligent man.

Chan eyes flicker between the ground and you. “It’s hard to tell when Minghao is upset. He seems normal even when he’s upset so I can’t really tell … why though?”

“Just—just a lot of stuff. I think I need to see them both. Separately.”

Jeonghan nods, pursing his lips together before responding, “Do you need our help?”

Jeonghan takes you to his apartment first so you have a moment to drop your suitcase off somewhere, and you get to say hi to Seungkwan who you’re pretty sure didn’t even recognize you in his drowsy state.

“Where’re we going?” you ask when you get back outside of the building heading towards the car.

“C’mon, let’s walk,” Chan says, pulling you away from the car.

“Jun’s apartment building is just down the street here,” Jeonghan explains. “He should be sleeping right now, so just wake him up.”

“Are you kidding me? He might kill me!” you complain with a frown.

Chan huffs, “Well you did come here unannounced and without a plan, so you don’t have much of a choice anyways.”

You chew on your lip as you fruitlessly try to come up with an answer, sighing in defeat when you come up with nothing.

“Exactly,” Jeonghan concludes, stopping in front of a building that’s built similar to his. “Anyways, his suite number is 345 on the third floor. You should know the code to his apartment right?”

You nod, but then shake your head. “I know it, but I think I’ll just knock until he wakes up. He might actually kill me if someone shows up inside his home unannounced.”

Chan laughs at that when the two of you lead you to the elevator of this new building. “That, he might.”

“So encouraging,” you mutter, sticking your tongue out at them as the elevator door opens. “Anyways, thank you for helping me, really. I’ll make cupcakes if I make it out of this alive,” you promise while you step in.

“You better!” Jeonghan calls out as the doors slide shut and the elevator begins to take you up.

It’s now, when you’re alone, that it all begins to sink in. You’re in Korea. You’re about to see Jun. You might die—okay maybe you’re being a little dramatic, but you aren’t sure what to do with yourself so your mind is jumping towards the worst possible scenario as you reach the third floor and make your way to his apartment.

You stand in front of room 345 for a few moments once you arrive, not even sure if you’ll manage to go through with this. What the fuck are you even going to say?

(Un?)fortunately, you have a tendency to not think before you act, and before you have a second of thought your knuckles are rapping against the door. It’s silent for a moment and you wonder if you should go again.

Taking a deep breath, you continue knocking on the door at a steady rate before you hear soft footsteps growing louder in volume until they stop at the door. You hold your breath and let your hand fall, fisting it at your sides in anticipation.

When you see the door crack open, a wave of relief washes over you. But when you see Jun’s blank face as he looks down on you, a new sense of uneasiness takes over.

“What are you doing in my apartment?” Ah, how nostalgic.

“So cold. You aren’t going to let me in?”

Jun rolls his eyes, and you grow more anxious because you can’t tell if he’s being playful or not. He steps to the side though, and you quickly slip through the door so he can close and lock it behind you.

“What are you doing here?” he reiterates and you feel your tongue go dry.

“Uh, Chan told me that you’re being—well—how do I put this?” you mutter to yourself, rocking back and forth on your feet.

“Difficult?” Jun guesses, bitterness laced in the word and you cringe at the tone.

“I guess.”

“I don’t think you came all the way to Korea just because Chan told you I was being difficult.”

“I, uh, I talked to Jianing about it when she visited and … I guess I felt I should come see you.”

“So if Jianing didn’t talk to you about this, then you just wouldn’t have talked about it?” Jun asks harshly and you glare at him.

“Well it’s not like you would’ve come talk to me about it either,” you retort, and Jun goes quiet at them. “And Jianing didn’t make this decision for me, by the way, I made it all by myself.”

“Okay well you’re here now. What is it?” An uncomfortable silence sits between you two. “If you only came here to just stand there and stare off into space then—”

“Jun, please shut your mouth for like one minute,” you mutter, pinching the bridge of your nose. “I-I wanted to apologize. That night I … I was on edge.” Jun watches you intently as you finally meet his gaze. “There was a lot running through my mind and I was just—just fucking annoyed at everything and I took everything you said the worst way.”

A feeling of worry climbs up your throat—you and Jun don’t often apologize, at least not like this. Apologies usually come in the form of figurative olive trees—you buy him a LEGO set, he buys you a gift card to your favorite cafe, or something among that. Then again, this isn’t your usual argument with Jun, and maybe sometimes resorting to more traditional methods are most effective.

Jun sighs softly, not looking at you, and you grow worried that he’s even more angry than you anticipated. You brace yourself for his next possible words. “I … I did say some mean stuff too. I’m sorry—I just—I have a shitty temper. You know that. Chan probably told you that too.” Jun is silent for a second before continuing. “Is … is everything okay?”

The question isn’t quite what you’re expecting and you press your lips together tightly because you want to cry. You want to let the tears stream down your cheeks and tell Jun that you have no idea but also the perfect idea of what you’re doing and it’s all jumbled up mess in your head.

“I guess—I mean, I hate fighting with you,” you admit. “But, that’s why I came here and we didn’t say goodbye the last time and I know that was partly my fault but also I missed you.”

“But are you okay?”

“Jun—”

“Because I know you’re stubborn—it really is annoying sometimes but I’m not one to complain,” he adds with a huff, “and I know you’re a little weird—”

You both laugh and you point a finger at him, “Watch it—you and me both.”

“Whatever,” he says lightly before turning to a more serious tone. “But I never thought we’d fight again like that one time two years ago and—”

“Why does everyone keep bringing that up!? Yiren said that too,” you sigh.

“To make a point. Which, by the way, is me going back to asking you if everything’s okay. I just … I know that you’re a little crazy but I never thought that you’d fly over here for something that we could probably sort out over the phone. Not that I’m not glad to see you here, I mean, I am, I’m just … worried.”

“I kissed Minghao,” you blurt out, immediately slapping a hand over your mouth after you do.

“What?!” Jun’s eyes go wide for a moment before he relaxes a little. “Is that what’s been up with you?”

“What do you mean ‘up with me?’”

“Moody. Cranky. Like you’re in high school again.”

You cross your arms over your chest. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” You chew on your lip as you try to read Jun’s expression. He doesn’t seem mad nor happy nor confused, and you’re running out of emotions to label him under.

“I knew you liked him in high school, you know. Thin walls, plus Yiren is loud as hell.”

“Ugh, I always told her to keep it down! She didn’t believe me!”

“Doesn’t matter now. What you or him do isn’t much of my business anyways,” Jun mutters, awkwardly stuffing his hands in the pockets of his hoodies. “I mean I guess it is, if it makes you all upset and not okay like this,” he continues.

You can tell he’s encouraging you to explain more, and you press your eyes together trying to figure what and what not you should say. “Has Minghao … has he seemed different?”

“I mean not really, but also it’s hard to tell with him because—” Your whole finger droops and Jun quickly places a hand on your shoulder. “Hey, what is this about? Did something happen? You know you can tell me.”

“It’s a lot,” you confess. “I don’t know, I-I came here to talk to the both of you but I haven’t even thought about what to say to him. I kind of booked my tickets last night.”

“Last night?!”Jun exclaims. “Are you stupid or what?”

“Maybe I am!” you murmur, slapping your palm against your forehead. Jun looks down at your pained expression and frowns.

“You’re not going to tell me what happened, are you?”

“What happened to, ‘I don’t care what you guys do it isn’t my business?’”

“Well it is my business if you’re upset! I’m the only person who’s allowed to be a bitch to you.”

“Well ditto to you too!” You follow with a sigh. “I think I just need to talk to him.”

“He’s at the gym right now. Do you want to get coffee instead?”

“Hogging me all to yourself? I know you missed me but don’t you think this is a little unfair—I’d like to at least say hi to the others first. Or maybe have some time to sleep. I kind of got here at like seven in the morning.”

“Be grateful! I’m actually looking out for you, because they’ll literally hound you, plus I want to make up for not spending time with you last time I visited.”

You grin at the words, rolling your eyes playfully. “Fine. But you’re paying.”

“When do I not pay for you?”

“Loads of times!”

“That’s because you insist on paying for yourself.”

“Irrelevant!” you exclaim triumphantly, waving a fist in the air before Jun locks his arm around your neck and traps you in a headlock. Good times.

“We have afternoon practice, then recording in the studio in the evening, but we should be done by like eight,” Jun explains, taking a picture of the coffee in front of him.

“Must you take a picture of everything?” you sigh, taking a sip of your own drink. Jun rolls his eyes, flicking your knee from under the table.

“I am a celebrity. I kinda need to keep records of everything I do.”

“Okay well I’m your sister and I kinda need you to help me talk to Minghao.”

“Just like—I dunno—find him and talk to him. Can’t be that hard.”

“You—ugh, you’re just like Jianing,” you groan. “No help!”

“Okay fine, fine. What do you want me to do? Corner him? Lock him into a closet and keep him there so you can talk to him? Force him to—”

“Junnie what the hell,” you mutter, slapping a hand to your forehead. “I think I’m just going to have to ask Jeonghan and Chan for help again because—”

“Okay no. I’ll help. What do you need me to do?”

“Have you been listening to me? Tell me when and where I can talk to him!”

“Well I already suggested the closet but you turned that down so—”

“Jun.”

“We can try the meeting room? He’s there a lot and it’s usually empty in the evenings. He responds to emails and shit there, I don’t know, so you won’t be interrupting much.”

“You sure it’ll work?”

Jun cocks an eyebrow up. “You don’t trust me?” You kick him under the table and he winces. “Okay yes, yes, it’ll work so would you stop kicking—hey! I said stop kicking!”

“We have afternoon practice, then recording in the studio in the evening, but we should be done by like eight,” Jun explains, taking a picture of the coffee in front of him.

“Must you take a picture of everything?” you sigh, taking a sip of your own drink. Jun rolls his eyes, flicking your knee from under the table.

“I am a celebrity. I kinda need to keep records of everything I do.”

“Okay well I’m your sister and I kinda need you to help me talk to Minghao.”

“Just like—I dunno—find him and talk to him. Can’t be that hard.”

“You—ugh, you’re just like Jianing,” you groan. “No help!”

“Okay fine, fine. What do you want me to do? Corner him? Lock him into a closet and keep him there so you can talk to him? Force him to—”

“Junnie what the hell,” you mutter, slapping a hand to your forehead. “I think I’m just going to have to ask Jeonghan and Chan for help again because—”

“Okay no. I’ll help. What do you need me to do?”

“Have you been listening to me? Tell me when and where I can talk to him!”

“Well I already suggested the closet but you turned that down so—”

“Jun.”

“We can try the meeting room? He’s there a lot and it’s usually empty in the evenings. He responds to emails and shit there, I don’t know, so you won’t be interrupting much.”

“You sure it’ll work?”

Jun cocks an eyebrow up. “You don’t trust me?” You kick him under the table and he winces. “Okay yes, yes, it’ll work so would you stop kicking—hey! I said stop kicking!”

You twiddle your thumbs nervously behind your back as you wait in the elevator with Jeonghan. Jun had to take care of something with one of the other members, so he sent you off with the older boy to take you to the meeting room.

“He’ll be there, don’t worry,” Jeonghan tells you as he pats your shoulder lightly. “I just checked his location and I’m positive he’s there right now.”

“Thanks,” you say with a sigh, shifting your weight from leg to leg, “but I’m more worried about what I’m going to say. I think you already know but I planned like zero percent of this.”

“It’s becoming increasingly evident, unfortunately,” Jeonghan admits when the elevator dings and the door opens onto a floor full of rooms. “You’ll figure it out, I’m sure, seeing as you’re just like Jun.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jeonghan chuckles and leads you to a door a few steps down the hallway, pointing to it. “Don’t worry about it. He’ll be in there. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be down on floor three making some ramen,” he says cheerily, waving at you before retreating to elevatory before you have even a moment to protest.

So now you’re left with nothing but yourself and yet another door. This time, instead of knocking your life away, your hand is pressed against the knob as you debate whether or not you should turn it or not.

Once again, your body acts without your mind and you’re quietly opening the door and poking your head through the crack. Inside is Minghao with headphones over his ears, sitting at the end of a long table with his head crooked down as he scrolls through his lap top.

He doesn’t hear you, but you aren’t sure if it’s for the better or the worse. In some ways, you still have a chance to run, but in others, you’ll have to call out to him if you want him to notice you. Gulping, you realize that you’ve been too scared for too long and so you clear your throat.

“Minghao,” you call out.

It only takes a second for his eyes to shoot up, hands flying to his headphones to take them off as he takes in the sight of you in front of him. You’re at opposite ends of the room right now, and you nervously shut the door behind you as you finally meet his gaze.

“What are you doing here?”

“I—” You inhale sharply. “—I don’t know. I just think we both needed to talk.”

You can see him visibly gulp as he stands up, and looks away as if trying to figure out what he should do with himself.

“Shit,” he mutters under his breath, dread washing over you.

“I’m sorry,” you blurt out, face burning. “I know I just showed up like this without warning and I know that’s not fair so if you don’t want to talk you know I totally get it and—” you start to blabber so fast you hardly notice him walking over and down the length of the table, “—I just really wanted to see you and talk to you but I couldn’t do it over the phone because—”

“Slow down,” Minghao says firmly, now standing in front of you as he gazes down with wide eyes. “Is everything okay? When did you come here—wait, did you come here just to talk to me?”

“Well yeah. And Jun.”

“Are you okay?” Minghao asks softly. “This doesn’t seem like you.”

You wince at the familiar words but shake it off. “I know, I just had so much to say and I’m sorry because you were right, and when you said you didn’t want this hanging over my head I was angry and I thought I could ignore this and ignore you but I was wrong and just really needed to sort things out. And the night you picked me up after Renjun and all—I know you told me to not depend anyone or anything—and I know I’m not listening to you right now and I don’t want you to be disappointed but—”

“Stop,” Minghao says, holding a hand up. “Disappointed? I—please don’t think that. The stuff I said that night was …” he sighs before continuing. “You were so upset that night because you didn’t have us around and I felt so bad but also, there wasn’t anything I could do about that.”

“I …” your eyebrows knit together as you try to find the right words. “… I know that. I didn’t mean to make it feel like you had to change anything, or that it was your fault.”

“I know and—”

“Wait, please hear me out. I don’t want to ever make you think that I blame you or Jun for leaving—I-I’m so happy for you guys you don’t understand. I was just … I was bitter,” you admit. “And I was jealous of you because you get to be around my own brother more than me and … I guess I was also jealous of Jun because he gets to be around you so often too.”

You finish your confession by burying your face in your hands, face heating up as you can only imagine the look on his face. He says your name softly, and you peek up at him through the gap between your fingers.

“Hey, no, I get it. I mean, I guess I don’t exactly understand how you’re feeling but I don’t blame you either.”

“I wrote you a letter,” you blurt out, a hand digging into your pocket as it toys around with the folded paper inside. Minghao raises a brow, and you pull it out and hold it in front of him. “Right after you guys left,” you explain as he takes the paper from your hand, carefully unfolding it. “Don’t open it now! That’s … embarrassing. Just read it when I’m not here or something because I might just die out of humiliation.”

When Minghao chuckles, you feel some of the tension in your shoulders dissolve. “Noted,” he murmurs, tucking it into the pocket of his sweats before turning his attention back to you with a more serious expression which has your stomach tying up in knots.

“You know how my job is. I can’t promise how often I’ll be home and when I’ll be able to make time and I know that people leaving hurt you so much and … I guess I just didn’t want to give you hope that I would be able to give you a ‘normal’ relationship, because I can’t, even though I want to. I think when I told you all that, I just—fuck—I hoped that you’d be able to focus on someone better for you.”

You want to cry and tell him that you don’t want someone ‘better,’ but choose to save those words for a different time. “T-then why’d you kiss me that night?” you ask quietly.

“I—” Minghao pauses, looking down as he searches for what he’s about to say. “I only have so much self control.”

You chew on your lip, debating if you should frown or grin at his statement. “So you—you wanted to kiss me?” Minghao responds in a heartbeat.

“Of course I did,” and then he clears his throat, “I wanted to for a while. I still do.”

Chuckling nervously, you start to say, “I don’t kn—”

The air is successfully sucked from your lungs when Minghao slides his hand around your neck, angling your jaw up with his gentle thumb. You think you might just go dizzy from the way he’s touching you until his warm mouth presses against yours, and this is the moment you feel every last muscle in your body let go.

He kisses you softer than the first time, his tongue running against your bottom lip for only a moment before you let your hand grip at his torso instinctively. “Sorry,” Minghao murmurs sheepishly when he breaks away. “Told you. Only so much self control.”

“I-I won’t complain,” you admit quickly, and though you let your hand drop to your side, Minghao keeps his where it is: cradling your cheek. He’s quiet for a moment before whispering again, and the words make your face burn and your heart fly around in circles.

“Can I kiss you again?”

link to smut!

“You have everything? Your tickets?” you ask as you lean against the doorframe. You’re both standing outside your parents house right now, waiting for Jun to finish his last bit of packing (why he was so insistent on you two coming quickly when even he wasn’t ready is still a mystery to you) so you can call over the van to take them to the airport.

Minghao shrugs at you, pulling out his wallet to look through the pockets to double check. As he’s shuffling through them, a familiar piece of paper sticks out and grabs your attention. “You keep my letter in your wallet?”

Minghao nods, seemingly unbothered by your surprise. “Yeah. Where else would I keep it?”

“Well, I don’t know but—”

“It’s a cute letter!” Minghao reasons. “And I like having it with me. Like a little good luck charm.”

You press a kiss to his cheek when he says that, but continue to say, “I don’t get what’s so cute about me getting drunk and writing to you.”

“Okay that part, I don’t like. Seriously. Underage drinking is not cool,” Minghao mutters. “But the rest of the letter is pretty nice I guess,” he teases, tucking his wallet back into his pocket.

“Pretty nice?” you scoff, trying to snatch the wallet back from him to grab your letter. He swipes it away too quickly though, and you’re left pawing at his chest to try and get it back. “You don’t deserve that letter! I put my heart and soul into it!”

“Heart and soul? I think you mean you poured five shots of vodka into it.” You frown deeply, and Minghao relaxes his shoulders. “Okay I’m sorry—you know I love the letter.”

“Do I?” you huff stubbornly, looking at the ground.

Minghao traces a hand down your face and tilts your chin upwards. “C’mon look at me,” he murmurs, and you begrudgingly meet his gaze. “I love the letter.” He pecks you on the lips. “Do you believe me now?”

“You might have to kiss me one more time for that.”

Minghao grins and presses his lips on yours again, a little harder this time. “Good now?”

“Yes—you got lucky.”

“Okay good … but just for extra measures, I have something that might sweeten the deal,” Minghao tells you, pulling a folded paper out of his pocket and handing it to you. Carefully, you take it and unravel it, glancing over the words.

There’s a lot—like a lot—and Minghao’s face flushes as you skim over the paragraphs he wrote, slapping a hand over the paper. “Okay don’t read it in front of me!” he whines, and you beam because history has a tendency to repeat itself.

“Fine, fine,” you sigh, looking down at it one more time when your eyes catch a little note at the bottom.

Pursing your lips, you glance up and find Minghao watching you with wide eyes and a bright smile, and you can’t help but fling yourself into his arms. Your heart swells when you feel him wrap his hands around you rightly pulling him close as the words cast their imprint into your mind.

You’re happy. So, so, so happy.

Yours truly, Xu Minghao (weirdo)

P.S. I love you.

a/n. okay wow i can't believe this is done ... genuinely put so much into this fic i hope u all enjoyed reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it! i definitely might be writing more about these two bc i loved them so much😭 i had like 2 more ideas for a smut in mind but decided not to add them but if you'd be interested in reading them, i might post them as a oneshot/bonus, so lmk what you're interested in! please reblog if u did, and let me know ur thoughts—it would mean a lot to me :3

tags. @synthetickitsune @ixayjun @leejihoonownsmyheart @dahliatopia @gyuswhore @hoeforcheol @5xiang @hajimelvr @miriamxsworld @blinkjunhui @lixiel0ver @josefines-things @mimisxs @ming-h0e @kawennote09 @bbyjjunie @junhui-recs @ichorjeon (strikethrough could not be tagged)