#I hate myself more than anyone could ever hate me

[enwifen]

PAINT ME LIKE ONE OF YOUR PRETTY GIRLS 𓂃𓏲࣪ ˖࣪

🍃 ˖࣪ ──── a pretty girl like you has no reason to be insecure about the way you look but, you still feel self conscious anyway… luckily your lovely husband is here to help.

pairing. artist!sunghoon x fem reader wc. 1.8k

𝒯oday just wasn’t your day.

You could just feel that something was off, your usual happy-go-lucky mood absent from the moment you woke up. ‘It’s okay, everyone has those days’ you say to yourself, trying to find a small spark of happiness inside you as you get ready for the day.

Sunlight spills through the windows and seeing as your husband was known to be a morning person, you weren’t surprised to see the space next to you empty. He was most likely in his art studio downstairs, inspiration often hitting him first thing in the morning.

Your eyes flicker up to your reflection while you brush your teeth. What you see in the mirror only seems to further sour your mood. To anyone else? You look the same as you did yesterday and all the days before that. To you? You don’t.

It’s little things too. Your skin texture just slightly more noticeable, dark spots more prominent… even that pesky pimple on your forehead looks more red than it did yesterday even after the cream you put on it.

Again, you try and push all the negativity to the back of your mind. Hoping to spit it all down the drain as you exit the bathroom.

As expected, you find your husband sat in front of his easel with a palette and brush in hand. He greets you with a smile though it quickly fades as he almost immediately picks up on your low mood.

“Morning sweetheart, is everything alright? You seem a little…”

A sigh leaves your lips, as much as you want to say you’re fine you know you can’t hide anything from Sunghoon.

“No…” you pout. He frowns and puts his supplies down, wiping his hands before opening his arms. You walk over to sit on his knee, allowing him to hug you.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He asks softly.

“I just…” you bite your lip, trailing off.

“It’s okay, take your time baby.” Sunghoon says, one of his hands coming up to stroke your hair.

“I feel really ugly today… I woke up feeling off this morning and as soon as i saw myself in the mirror I—”

“Shh, shh, it’s alright… I hate when my girl is so upset, what makes you think you’re ugly, princess? You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid my eyes upon.”

Sunghoon listens attentively as you list your insecurities. He shakes his head a little as you talk. He doesn’t mean to invalidate your feelings but, at the same time, he also can’t fathom how someone as ethereal and angelic looking as his wife could possibly think they’re anything but that.

“Oh Y/n… if only you could see what I—, you know what? Why don’t you take a seat over there.” He says, nodding over to the stool a few feet behind his easel.

“Hoon I really don’t feel like being painted right now—”

“Please, my love? If you really don’t want to I won’t push you but…” you gnaw on your bottom lip, on one hand you don’t want to have your insecurities drawn but at the same time you know Sunghoon would never do anything to upset you further so… you kinda wanna see what he’s getting at.

You lift yourself up and go to sit in front of him.

“Perfect…” he mutters, picking up his brush and watercolour palette. You always loved whenever Sunghoon would use watercolours.

Throughout the course of your relationship, Sunghoon had drawn you countless times. Doodling you in his notebook during classes when you still went, sketching you during one of your picnic dates… the list goes on. He was precise with each and every stroke, wanting every piece of art to be perfect.

So even though it didn’t take him long to finish, you could tell this wasn’t just some half assed piece of artwork he was drawing just to boost your self esteem.

“Love? I’m finished, why don’t you come and take a look?” And you do, rising from your seat and walking to stand beside him.

The painting is… unreal. Simply saying that it’s beautiful is an understatement. Simply saying that you were beautiful is an understatement.

Splashes of your favourite colours serve as the background, making you seem vibrant even on your dullest day. Each pencil line that joins to create you and your features is soft, eliminating the harsh critiques you had for your face. Sparkles replaced your dark spots and even that pimple you hated so much was replaced by a small flower. With everything you hated about your face, Sunghoon made his love blossom from it.

He turns to look up on you, hand on the small of your back rubbing soothingly. “Do you like it?”

“I… I love it but… hoonie this isn’t me.”

“You’re right, it’s not just you, it’s how I see you.”

Tears began to well up in your eyes at that.

“Now do you see? How it’s impossible for me to see you as anything but the pretty girl you are? I never understood back when you used to ask me why I stayed with you… why wouldn’t I? Y/n, you’re beauty itself.” He says earnestly, you can hear how Sunghoon means every word as he wipes your tears away.

“You’re too sweet.” You sniffle, Sunghoon chuckles lightly in response.

“I only speak the truth, baby.” He says, standing to pull you into a proper hug. When it came to feeling insecure, hearing ‘stop, you’re literally so pretty’ wasn’t enough sometimes. You could smile and nod but it didn’t actually make you feel better. Now, having such a loving husband by your side, your insecurities could easily be pushed to the side.

Maybe they would come back later, maybe they wouldn’t. One things for sure, with the way Sunghoon looks at you as if you were the prettiest painting in the gallery, you could care less about how you looked right now.

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

Thanks to Sunghoon, you didn’t feel as bad as you did this morning which meant you were still good to attend the opening of his new art gallery.

“Are you sure? You know you don’t have to, love.”

“Of course I do! You know I wanna come and be supportive of my favourite artist~”

A pink hue spreads across Sunghoon’s cheeks. Cute, you thought. Even after being such a successful painter and getting compliments on his work daily, still he would blush at any praise given to him by you.

“You look beautiful, by the way.” He says, laughing at you being the one to blush now. Being an artist meant Sunghoon had a keen eye for detail which always came in handy when it came to buying dresses for you.

It was probably best you didn’t ask how much your dress cost, choosing to smile and accept the gift instead. It fit your frame perfectly, the light material flowing in the wind as you walked out into the night.

In Sunghoon’s eyes you were truly something out of a dream. His dream come true.

You watch as the city lights pass you by, tuning out the sounds of your husband on the phone making some last minute arrangements, you assume.

A sense of pride fills your chest as you take in the full gallery, watching the various people admire your husband’s artwork. He deserves it, every single bit of praise as he stands by one of his paintings, smiling and humbly accepting all the compliments.

You’re perfectly content standing on your own for a little while, sipping on a flute or champagne. You smile at the memory of Sunghoon basically showing you off to everyone an hour prior.

“Ahh, with a pretty wife like that I’d wanna show her off all the time too…”

“It makes sense, he’s a handsome guy, of course his wife is beautiful too.”

“No wonder they’ve been together so long, I’d do anything to keep a gorgeous girl like that by my side.”

Those were just a few of the comments you heard. Safe to say your low self esteem was nowhere to be found.

A glance at the clock tells you the event would soon be coming to an end. You were sure everyone had gotten a chance to look at all the different pieces your husband made, all except for one…

A glass case stood in the middle of the room, inside a white sheet covering what seemed to be a statue…? Of some sort.

The chime of Sunghoon’s fork tapping his glass garners everyone’s attention. He gently tugs you to stand beside him again as he speaks.

“Hello everyone, once again I’d like to thank you all for coming tonight… it’s always been my dream to open my own gallery and even though this one isn’t the first, I’m still so grateful for all of you that have attended.”

You both smile as Sunghoon receive an enthusiastic round of applause. You both bow politely.

“Special thanks to my parents who have always told me to follow my dreams and, of course, to my beautiful wife Y/n for always being my biggest supporter and source of inspiration.” He says, you’re sure your cheeks hurt from smiling so big but you can’t help it.

“This last piece of artwork is really special to me, I love all of my art piece but this one holds a special place in my heart, just like the certain someone it was created after.” Your brows furrow a little in disbelief but you keep smiling, body vibrating with excited nerves as you start to catch on. “I’ve only just started to get into sculpting so it may not be the best but, I’m proud of it regardless… now without further ado, allow me to reveal my newest masterpiece.”

Sunghoon smiles, leaving your side to open the glass case. Carefully tugging off the white sheet.

You turn around to look and your jaw drops, covering your mouth you feel tears begin to pool in your eyes.

The sculpture is you. And not just you, but the painting Sunghoon had made of you earlier that day. He must’ve drawn it from memory but it still looked beautiful regardless, it was Sunghoon behind the easel after all.

The lights in the gallery darken to allow a spotlight to shine on the sculpture though it also highlights you. Every single detail is highlighted and all the audience can do is stare and awe.

Sunghoon walks back around to you, smiling warmly.

“How do you like it, baby?”

“I… hoonie are you kidding me? I love it!” You exclaim, ignoring the tears that fall. You don’t realise how they sparkle under the spotlight, as if your tears were made out of crystals. Softly, Sunghoon wipes them away. Another round of applause ensues, though you’re still in your small little bubble with him.

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

The gallery is empty now, you and Sunghoon being the only ones left. Sat on one of the benches, your head resting on his shoulder, still admiring the sculpture he made of you. You don’t think you’ve ever felt so loved before.

“It’s beautiful…”

“You’re beautiful.”

You giggle softly. “Stop it.”

“Never.” He grins.

[inlovewithregencyera]

transcript under cut : )

Thornfield House, July 7th, 1818

Isabella: And you did write to her father informing him of this, right?

Max: Yes. He wrote back to me an hour ago, and they're leaving for Hollow directly after her birthday. I've asked him to keep this in confidence of himself and Lady Grey, and he says he will as it would break his heart to tell Aurelia himself.

Isabella: *clutching hand* When will you tell her?

Max: I don't know, and I don't know why you're all tasking me with the impossible. It's not fair, truly. *sniffling* If I had a lover and I lay dying of consumption I wouldn't have Frederick tell her. It should be an intimate moment between them.

Isabella: I think she shall be very upset.

Maximilian: *voice quivering* She'll be plagued with perturbation. Perhaps it would be easier if that idiot thought about how his actions effected others for once in his damn life. He overwhelmed her with affection and now I must tell her he's dying.

Isabella: Oh, please don't cry. More than anything, I hate seeing you upset. I don't care much for people's emotions, but yours always tug at my heart.

Max: Luckily for you I have no more tears left to cry. My eyes have been soiled with tears for the past 12 hours, I believe I'm done for today.

Isabella: Dear Max, crying that long isn't good for-

Max: Don't you stand here and tell me what's good for me and what's not. I don't expect you to understand. You've rarely been emotional a day in your life.

Isabella: have been emotional many times in my life, I just know that crying *THAT MUCH AT ONCE* does you no service!

Max: *scoffs* You are heartless sometimes, you know?

Isabella: How am I heartless for telling you the truth?

Max: I cannot help crying if I am again watching someone I love die.

Isabella: *scoffs* He's not dead! And there have been cases where people overcame this disease.

Max: And you think he will be an exception?! That he's some sort of miracle and will prevail through?

Isabella: He could be. Why you've given up on him I do not know.

Max: He's given up on himself! Why should I have hope for his survival if he's not going to even fight for it!?

Isabella: Because he's family, Max! You don't give up on someone even when they've given up on themself. When Eleanor gave up on herself, you-

Max: Damn it don't you bring her up. I told you I was done crying for today, so stop wherever you're going.

Isabella: Your tears won't bring her back, so what use is it?

Max: You are heartless! When you love someone, and they die-

Isabella: Damn you Max if you are trying to insinuate I didn't love her! I loved her more than anyone ever to walk this Earth!

Max: That's not at all what I meant Isabella and you know that! I just can't believe you're telling me that I shouldn't cry now. Name a time when any one of our household was dying and I didn't?

Isabella: When Uncle Percy had a stroke! He was as good as gone right after and I don't recall you ever shedding any tears then. And there's hope for Frederick, he's not coughing blood.

Max: Frederick is much thinner than the last time I saw him and that cough tops it all off. So no, I will not tell myself there's any hope. And I apologize for not crying in front of my sickly, invalid Father, SOMEONE had to be strong for him.

Isabella: Are you saying I wasn't Maximilian? Really? When you went off to do Ducal business and whatnot who sat with him that whole time until you returned? I endeavored just about as much as you to ensure his comfort, *voice cracking* and how can you accuse me of not being strong when you and I suffered the same trials?

Max: Bell…

Isabella: WHAT?! *covering eyes*

Max: I didn't mean to upset you, dear. I'm sorry, and you're right, we experienced the same sorrow. Perhaps we go about it differently when reacting to it.

Isabella: *sniffling* It just hurts that you'd call me heartless for saying crying does you no good. I'm not saying you shouldn't cry, because Lord knows I have moments sometimes, but I know it's not helpful in the long run. He's not dead yet, t-that is to say, *eyes welling up* if he was truly dying, *burts into tears* in which he is-

Max: *extending arms* Come here.

Isabella: *sobbing into chest* Oh Max! Whatever will we do?

Max: *kisses forehead* What we always do I suppose. Deal with whatever God throws at us.

Isabella: *sniffles* Yes. Let us not quarrel as we shall need each other more than ever in the coming weeks.

[timandlucy]

You know how I said I'd go to sleep before midnight??

[stuckinapril]

i think i officially set my sights on a therapist and i'll be contacting her very soon?? therapy was legitimately not on my 2024 bingo card (or in the cards for me at all) but here we are????

[martyrbat]

its so funny recognizing yourself in your parents and by funny i mean im going to be sick

[rhytmrocket]

yknow, i’m real sorry for all the ventposting you all have had to deal with from me lately while getting nothing in return

i’ve just been doing frankly terrible since the turn of the month, and even before that, so i just can’t give anything to this website

you might see me more now that school’s coming to a close for me (just one more week), but that doesn’t really change just how bad my mental state has been and how much i don’t really like being on here

i don’t want to quite this site like i did instagram. i just, don’t want to interact or post anything here either

it kinda sucks

everything just kinda sucks

and i just wish i could be alright again

[mydr3aminvi0let]

i wear a lot of skirts and pink and whatnot as my style has developed with me & my personality but when one of those age regression girlies latch onto me....i do not like that

[nexus-nebulae]

brrrrr (/pos)

[peapod20001]

In my...✨ depression bed ✨ phase <3

[silverislander]

if someone else shows more than two indications that they like a thing that's a good, normal way to tell they like that thing, which is normal, because people like things. but if I have more than two indications of liking a thing that means i am irrevocably obsessed with the thing in a way that deserves mockery actually. this is a worldview that makes sense

[crystal-dee]

x

[fxa]

tumblr is my only social but occasionally i do indulge in visiting other sites and looking up people i didn't like in high school to rejoice in how awful their lives are now

[tardis--dreams]

I wish i could get buproprion without a prescription this shit is way too good to give up ㅠㅠ

[medicinemane]

I do wonder what people would do if they felt all the pain they'd caused in the world

Not even the big stuff, we're not even talking stuff like politicians being forced to feel just how much damage they've done, we're talking about the small scale stuff

All the off hand comments that were thoughtless and hurt someone, all the harm done without even realizing how much harm you're doing

I think if I could I'd like to know, I'd like to see the places I've hurt others around me

But I don't know... I listen to some people and it's just like... I don't think you even begin to imagine the damage you're doing around you. I don't think you even remotely begin to think about not even strangers, but the harm you'll do to people you claim to care about

What are you gonna do though? People are allowed to say and act however they want at the end of the day and even if I tried to explain I don't think they could hear me

[seventh-district]

my sincerest apologies to anyone who’s messages, comments, etc. that i haven’t replied to yet. i’m just so terribly stressed and busy irl that i’ve barely even been online at all for the past week and at this point i can’t make any promises about when i can update things or reply to things but just. know that i’m trying my absolute best and lowkey running myself into the ground over here and i know it’s probably not obvious and it sounds like an excuse cause i don’t seem like a busy person but there’s a lot of things that happen in my life that i can’t/don’t/shouldn’t/won’t talk about and i really am just. so overwhelmed from it all that i can’t have the consistent online presence i’d like to have. i’m sorry.

i will get back to any comments or messages on all my various platforms as soon as i can. i promise. i just don’t know when “soon” is at this point.

[snekdood]

i kinda feel like so long as someone like me isn’t accepted as a part of the queer community that none of us will ever be able to work together for our rights