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dredshirtroberts · 5 years

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Naming and Other Fun Things You Can Do With Your Trauma

Below will follow my journey to where I am today with my sexuality and romantic attraction levels and kind of be a look at where I might be with it all at this time. Because I want to figure shit out about myself for me, not because it actually matters right now, and I think taking a look at The Shit™ I’ve put myself through romantically will be a good jumping off point.

I might get TMI, as a warning, because I’m not good at keeping things to myself online. So be aware of that.

Alright so...how far back to I go? Do I start with the most recent endeavors or do I end with them? How do we accomplish this task.

Let’s start with actual romantical feelings I guess. I had a crush on the same guy for 7 years. There were other crushes during that time, one of which extended well past the end of my crush with the first guy. The 7 Year Crush was a guy I knew from church. He was a whole year older than me and he was Cool™. He had the cool guy haircut, everyone at school knew him, his parents were well known in the area, he played guitar. I liked him from age 7 to age 14 with no breaks. I finally got over him but it took a long time.

Now We’re Best Friends was fun. I acquired that crush around 10 or 11 or so - another church kid, again around a year older than me. They’re non-binary now, and one of my best friends. My crush on them was like...at least 10 years long. Again, there were some others that came and went during that time but I was a bit obsessed. They’re still really fuckin pretty but I’m at least aware they’re not actually my type and we would have been super incompatible so thanks to the universe for steering me away from that one.

The David Incident was...an attempt to get away from Now We’re Best Friends. I was 16 (going on 17, dahdah dee dahdeedaahhh). I knew him through some of the people we hung out with (ironically, NWBF was one of those people. I had a very small circle I interacted with - I’d say I was friends with them but they turned out to not be very good friends so, yeah...). We’d hung out at a couple of “parties” our mutualest friend held. I went to my sister’s dance recital for the dance school that same mutualest friend went to, so The David Incident was there watching her perform I guess. I never questioned why he was there I just knew he was. Why was he there? They weren’t that close.... huh.

Anyway, he complimented a necklace I’d gotten from my Nana that year for my birthday that I was wearing to the event (cause you dress up nice for your lil sister’s dance recital. Especially because the entire family shows up). We texted a bit and he asked me out on a date. We hung out pretty regularly for about 2 weeks. Mostly watching documentaries and making out, honestly. He tasted like doritos. It was kinda gross. He was also, I would later find out, a conservative neckbeard, so dodged a fucking bullet when he left me for his ex girlfriend he wasn’t over yet. They broke up again three months later and he’s married now to someone he met in college through the military program at the school.

I’m jumping over the Really Bad Choices I Made At Church Camp because he was technically too old for the event, I knew him for a total of 3 days, and he proposed to me after a week of text-only conversation. He also went into the military. This...actually this does become a theme. All my absolute worst decisions went into the military. Hmm.

Anyway where was I...

Okay so Really Bad Church Camp Choices, The David Incident...

And then I was on my own until I was in college. I’m going to count this next one as a contributing factor even though the entire relationship was completely platonic with no intention of going further (except..did I want it to? We’ll go into that I guess).

I Should Have Known Better is what I’ll call this one. This is the only relationship I had with a woman that will be listed on here because most of my relationships with women are friendship only. But this was...a lot more intense than just friendship. And I at one point wanted to be more than friends with her.

We met in class while I was in college. I had just come back from the deep south and was high on Megachurch Neo Baptist Doctrine and also whatever the people in the parking lot of the school were smoking during breaks between classes. It was probably weed. We struggled with the class because the class was shit and taught by someone who could not teach and would not recognize her own failings.

I Should Have Known Better was the first person since I’d started attending college courses to talk to me about things that weren’t class related. She invited me to hang out - she was 3 years older than me, lived on her own (with roommates, but it felt like she had the place to herself), she had a dog, and she did Grown Up Things like drinking and she sometimes smoked weed and my tiny freshly converted and c-sectioned out of the womb of attempting to be born again heart was all a pitterpatter at the thought that I was an adult and I could do that. She got me involved in online dating, we went to Disney together where I footed most of the bill (this is also where my financial struggles started up, though there was a nice long period where I was doing very well by my standards which are low but not bad). We decided to move in together because we were able to stand being around one another all the time and enjoyed it. We talked about becoming even adultier adults and moving into houses right next door to one another, where we’d have our husbands and we’d hang out all the time and it’d be great. There was one point shortly after our move where she had a pregnancy scare, and I was prepared to become the dad of that baby because the potential father was Not Good. Thankfully it was unfounded, but that’s how invested I was with her.

The place we moved into we shared with 2 other girls. These girls did not mesh well with I Should Have Known and this is where the name comes from. She didn’t handle the conflict well, none of us did, because none of us were over the age of 24. But I knew I Should Have Known and I knew it wasn’t her fault that all these other girls didn’t like her, they were just bitches who were immature because that’s what she told me they were. I never really knew the other side of the story.

Anyway we were 4 months into our lease and ISHK wanted the two of us to break the lease and move out. I couldn’t afford moving out and potentially owing 2 rents. The landlord wouldn’t let us out of the lease just because we (she) didn’t get along with the people we moved in with. They were all unwilling to try a subleasing agreement, and I had to make a decision as to whether or not I was going to owe rent at 2 separate places. Mind you, of the two of us I was the only one with a steady job and I was able to make rent and bills and feed 2 people. That was it, that was all I was able to do. I couldn’t afford her rent on top of mine - her dad was helping her.

And the thought that I could move in with her somewhere where it would just be the two of us and I might have to cover my rent (an unknown at this point), the rent at the place we were currently living, our food and bills, and potentially part of her rent if her dad wasn’t willing to help with 2 separate rents? I couldn’t do that. I consulted the cards, I freaked out and went to my family that she’d been slowly working on pitting me against for the past year or so of knowing her, went back to the cards, and spent the entirety of Thanksgiving break just in the worst state. I have always bitten my nails, especially when things get stressful. That was the first time I drew blood and it happened on more than one finger. It was bad.

I told her I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t leave the apartment. After the lease was up I’d be more than happy to change locations because it was only one year. She...didn’t like that. She told me that staying would ruin her mental health which was already bad, she told me that it would kill her to stay, that living with these two other girls was signing her death warrant.

That was the first time I didn’t just let someone talk me into something I didn’t want to do. Thinking about it is kind of giving me some really shitty reactions in my chest, but...but I did it. I told her I wasn’t going to leave. I sat through her reaction, I planned for her to tell me to never speak to her again, to give her back all the things she’d ever given me or lent me or anything. I sorted out my laundry so I could have her items separate. I was planning on losing my best friend because she couldn’t live with two other people.

The argument that caused all of this, by the way? Dirty dishes. I was the one who ended up cleaning them, as a side note.

ISHK ended up inducing vomiting in the shower after our major blow out about it, while I was sorting through the items she’d given me. I don’t know if it really was that she was crying so hard that she vomited or if she did it on purpose. She told me when she was done that she didn’t want to lose me as a friend, and that she’d stay with me because she couldn’t leave on her own, and also because it wasn’t fair that I be subjected to these two evil girls by myself. She had me clean the bathtub after her, and I did it. I was just glad she wasn’t angry at me and wasn’t leaving me.

Things were strained. She met a guy online, they hit it off over winter break. She’d gone to be with her parents during that time so it was literally just me and one of the other girls in the apartment for nearly a month. Learned some of the other side of the story on that one.

She comes back, she brings the guy with her to hang out. We smoke weed together, he seems alright. They plan on making brownies. You know, special brownies. In the communal kitchen.

She has me go to the one other girl - the one I spent time with during the winter break because it was just the two of us in the apartment - to make sure that it was okay. Even though no matter what the answer was, it was going to happen anyway. The other girl was not pleased, because our agreement was that she and I could smoke but we kept it to our wing of the apartment.

Thankfully this other girl did seem to recognize that I would not do something that directly went against what we’d all agreed on if the other party said no had ISHK not been there. The cops were called, only ISHK got in trouble (she could have lumped me in with her, but she was trying to keep her new boyfriend out of trouble. She didn’t have to, I guess). This did not help relations with the other roommates, of course. She was convinced it was the one who I’d stayed with over the holidays that had caused all the trouble - when not only was that kind of a projection, but also inaccurate because the person who hadn’t been doing their dishes in the first place was the 4th roommate who has been relatively unmentioned due to the fact that I barely spoke to her.

She moved in with her boyfriend when the lease was up, they eventually got married. She did a volunteer stint with a group who she later introduced me to. I feared losing her after the November Incident and let her use me like a doormat a lot more after that. Through the volunteer group I met my next mistake, but we’ll get there. She actually pushed me into trying to have a relationship with him, but I’ve now learned that I should probably not date people who identify as heavily armed and armored combat vehicles so at least there’s that.

I became so attached to this woman that I wanted to be in a more romantically inclined relationship with her and her husband. I never brought this up specifically but we were entirely too codependent on one another. She required me to build herself up and validate her worldview. I required her because I felt I had no one else.

Through the volunteer group I learned that that’s not how healthy friendships or relationships look for the most part. There were aspects that weren’t so bad, of course. I wouldn’t have been her friend for four years straight otherwise. But we were not healthy together. She may not have been abusive necessarily but she and I were toxic together.

And I should have known. At least that something was wrong earlier than I did. Because of her I moved away from my hometown. The intention was to be closer to her. Everything was finalized and then...I had to make a decision. It was her or the new group of friends who didn’t require me to be anything more than myself. I could explore my boundaries and enforce them in a safe and healthy environment and they would be respected. I had people who supported me and loved me and didn’t mind that I was a little strange because they were all a little strange and I loved them for it. Still do, by the way. <3

So my choices were someone who made me choose between being financially stable or potentially ruining everything I’d just set up four months out of my parents house and got mad at me when I made the right decision because it wasn’t what she wanted. Someone who tried to turn me against my family and very nearly succeeded - whether it’s what she intended or not that’s what she was doing. Someone who when I told her I shouldn’t have to choose because 1) it really wasn’t as big a deal as she was making it out to be and 2) I shouldn’t have known ANYTHING about the situation, specifically the things that were supposed to be confidential between her and the main person she had an issue with (who happened to have a very dominant personality - this was a theme), she told me she felt like killing herself.

And if she killed herself because of this it was my fault.

That’s what she told me. Thankfully for me I was at work an hour away and could not drop what I was doing and rush to her side. I would have, if my dad hadn’t stepped in and said “if she were really honestly going to do it, she wouldn’t tell you like that.” Which, yeah might be a shitty way of putting it, but also was true.

I chose not her. I didn’t necessarily choose the volunteer group because for me that’s not the choice I was making. I was choosing to be beside her for another however long it was, alone with no one but her, because she didn’t want me to have anyone else, until she decided she didn’t like the way things were going and pulled this shit again - or not any of that. Of being responsible for only me, emotionally, financially.

I was also beginning a relationship with The Warzone and I couldn’t separate him from her from the volunteer group.

Those next few months were rough for me. When she finally calmed down from everything, she tried to get back into my life. I requested she wait until I contact her again because I was still working through my thoughts and feelings and I didn’t need her influence in that process. I knew it would not be helpful. She would give me about a day, maybe two, before texting me again. This reset everything for me because I could not deal with her and with my still conflicted - and very hurt - feelings about the situation. And I asked her again to please respect my request. This happened several times and I finally stopped responding to her altogether.

There were only two terse emails after that, where she had me come collect my things from her house and leave my key while she was not there. The exchange happened quickly and quietly and I didn’t hear from her for several years after that.

I was with The Warzone for the summer. Considering my longest lasting romantic relationship to this point had been about 2 weeks, this was a novelty to me. I was convinced this was it, this was the time I’d done something right, after all my bad choices this was a good thing.

He had some troubles, and had things that had become roadblocks but he had a job, he had his own place, he had a direction he wanted to go in. So I’d just graduated college and he was still in college life? I was still roughly the same age as his friends, I could still hang and party. My life wasn’t that different.

Our major struggles were mainly that we lived about an hour apart, and we didn’t communicate very well. Or at all, really.

I was anxious and terrified. I hadn’t started working through all my shit yet. I didn’t even know there was shit to work through. I was grieving the loss of my best friend and I had no idea that was even happening. 2 best friends, actually. NWBF had moved really far away and I was still crushing on them super hard. I eventually told them I couldn’t be friends with them until I figured my shit out. That was hard.

I was going through a really rough patch and self medicating with alcohol and more weed because I apparently had found another pothead in Warzone.

Warzone was also my first partner I’d ever had sex with. I don’t regret Warzone necessarily, but I do regret that I invested so much in the relationship, to the point that I blatantly ignored several signs that this was not going the way I wanted it to. His own struggles led to him realizing he couldn’t be in a relationship with me. I still am fucked up over the phrasing he used, because no one wants to be described as a roller coaster the other person doesn’t want to ride on anymore.

And he did this before we were set to hang out with people through the volunteer group. I am incredibly, incredibly thankful for the people who allowed me to lean on them while I was there, who knew the situation. We kept our PDA in the group to a minimum anyway so if you didn’t know we were together, you wouldn’t know unless we told you. He showed up high about an hour after I’d gotten there. I’d showed up early because I’d had to leave after he broke up with me, and I had a nice long tantrum cry in my car in a small parking lot downtown and couldn’t be alone anymore.

My roommate at the time treated me to drinks, helped me get set up on a dating website after some wine on a different night, and was generally supportive throughout the process. I think her change in behavior towards me should have clued me in about The Ex a lot sooner, but oh well.

Because of the dating apps/sites I signed up on, I met The Ex. That whole debacle played out through my posts on here for the most part because this is where I process everything, so if you’ve been with me for a while you’re pretty familiar with my mental state while I was with him. I was constantly justifying his behaviors and actions and no one who loved me liked him but no one said anything either.

They all have carte blanche to tell me when they don’t like someone I’m dating from here on out - not that I plan on doing that much in the future, but I wanted them aware of it. After ISHK and The Ex, I need outside input to show me I’m not making good decisions with the people I’m choosing to keep in my life despite the fact that they treat me like dirt.

ISHK laid the groundwork for The Ex to fully isolate me from my family. Not only was I farther away from them than I’d ever been in my life, but he took me from the job that allowed me to see them regularly. He encouraged me to skip family events. I missed nearly 5 years of my family’s lives because of this man.

When I left him, I was already emotionally done with him. So I thought I’d be ready to try again. It may have been compensation for my loneliness, for my isolation, still so far away from my family even though they at least were aware I was struggling. I couldn’t let myself rely on them yet.

Still can’t.

So I turned back to the dating apps. And I met The Pittsburgh Mistake.

He was nice, charming. I’ll admit when I met him a gaydar went off - the one that says “Oh, this might be a trans guy”. You know all the signals we queer folk give off to one another to say “Hey other queer folk guess what I’m one of you please don’t let me be alone”? There were multiple that read as trans guy.

He was not. I wish he had been. But no he was a redpill, conservative nightmare. And he was abusive as FUCK. We went on an outing and he didn’t tell me the plan was to stay overnight somewhere. He just had me drive him around and we finally got up there and he was like okay let’s go get a room for the night.

That was the first sign.

Then he was like “Hey I gotta go back to Pittsburgh to get all my things so I can move down this way, wanna come with me?” Thinking it was going to be another overnight, maybe a 2 night stay maximum, I said sure.

We were there for almost a week. He’d driven so I couldn’t just leave. He didn’t seem to have any intention of actually doing anything to move his stuff, or sell it, or anything. He flirted with other women nearly the entire time - which I didn’t have an issue with him seeing other people, but I wasn’t, I don’t think, prepared for him to do it while I was with him. Like out with him. On things that other people might have considered dates. I’ve mentioned, however, that he took me to a huge museum and I nearly did forget that I had no idea how long we were going to be up there, I had no spare clothes - just one outfit, he would actively ignore me to flirt with other women, and he wasn’t doing anything to move the situation along with his move.

I’d picked back up on smoking while I was with him. I’ve smoked cigarettes a few times in my life. I can quit cold turkey pretty easily and that’s not an issue, it’s just...I shouldn’t do it. It’s bad for me for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that my mom’s family has a tendency to acquire rare lung cancer that’s exacerbated by smoking. The other is that I have a penchant for getting bronchitis, like, all the time. But I was smoking a lot more heavily than I had previous times, even when I was smoking a lot of weed daily with ISHK, I didn’t smoke nearly as much as I did with The Pittsburgh Mistake.

The other thing that was a huge major red flag I should have been more cognizant of is how he made it my fault if he couldn’t keep it up or get it in during sex. I was doing something wrong, I wasn’t good enough or prepped enough, even though he’d done literally nothing to help things along. It was be ready to go whenever he wanted it, or be told I was worthless and useless and I must not really like him if he couldn’t get it in.

He got really drunk and wouldn’t know what he was doing, and he got really uncomfortable to be around while he was drunk. He claimed he wasn’t an alcoholic but i know he was using it as a crutch for whatever was going on in his brain. He projected his issues onto everyone else. It was everyone else’s fault, not his. They were crazy, not him.

When he started talking about being godlike in a decidedly blasphemous way, I figured there was definitely something wrong. When he continually invited his other girlfriend over while I was still there, despite the fact that both of us had been vocal about it being uncomfortable for us, I knew I needed to get out.

When he broke a window right next to my head because I was trying to leave because he’d invited her over again without saying anything to either of us until he’d already made the decision, and he was drunk enough to not remember it even as it was happening, I knew I needed to run and never come back.

I gave him one last chance. I asked him if he knew why I was upset, and he said something bullshit I don’t even remember. I told him about himself and he accused me of gaslighting him. Which??? Telling you you’re an asshole and that I am uncomfortable when you bring your other girlfriend over and haven’t discussed it with me, especially since I’ve told you multiple times I’m incredibly uncomfortable in that situation is not gaslighting. But he thought he was a genius and so smart and so close after The Ex who had a god complex and thought he was a genius and so smart, I knew I needed out and fast.

He literally sent me a text with a screen shot of a bible verse saying “I am a jealous god” yadda yadda and something about I’ll end up dying alone if I continue being however I was being. Like, thanks, but no thanks I don’t even believe in the Christian God, I’m not going to believe you, some random redpill douche who literally broke a window because I wasn’t putting up with his bullshit anymore, is a god either. I’m very proud of my response.

“LOL, okay bye.”

Like, sorry, bro. You gotta feed me a way more intricate story than just that you think you’re god incarnate. The Ex at least told me he could travel through alternate dimensions and universes and pulled me through along with him at some point from another universe - not his, but a different one, because he loved me so much. You gotta try a lot harder on the god complex in order to top that one, buddy.

yeah I wish I was kidding about the above. I also wish I was kidding when I tell you I believed it.

I’m still working on not believing it. I don’t feel like i belong in this universe a lot of the time, and playing into that did not help. And it’s especially not helpful when I’m super depressed and feeling mildly suicidal. So that’s been fun to deal with since I’ve gotten away from him.

Anyway, those are my relationship mistakes. Warzone almost doesn’t count because it wasn’t necessarily a mistake, but I shouldn’t have been in a romantic relationship so soon after the ISHK incidents.

And through all of this, one of the weirdest things for me is realizing that when I was in relationships? I didn’t necessarily feel any draw to be any sort of way with people. Like, I was with The Ex for 4 1/2 years, and while I loved him I wasn’t romantically in love with him. Which I didn’t realize until I was on my way out of loving him at all because he was treating me poorly. I was physically attracted to The Pittsburgh Mistake, but I knew that wasn’t a long-term deal from the outset. But I wasn’t necessarily sexually attracted to him. I have a high sex drive that sometimes clouds my judgement and I know that was a part of it, but he wasn’t *sexy*. Neither was The Ex. I found him attractive, aesthetically, but he wasn’t *sexy* necessarily. I told him I found him sexy because he didn’t understand otherwise and I thought I was helping. I was actually making it worse but I didn’t know. I felt giddy around The David Incident because I was 16 and was excited that I was finally dating someone because I’d never really done it before. I was just downright stupid with the Bad Choices I Made At Church Camp and that one I will own, but again I was 16 and lonely. Now We’re Best Friends has been the only one that worked out and I think honestly it was the LGBT+ flocking instinct.

I Should Have Known was the only one I feel came closest to romantic feelings and honestly I think that was more stockholm-obsession than actually anything romantic.

So while I’m a sucker for a good love story, while I love the thought of being in a loving romantic relationship, I’m not sure I’m actually romantic? Like?

There was a post the other day that was like “I’m in love with being in love, but I’m Aro-spec" and I was like??? That’s a thing???

And then I was listening to someone else who said they were cupioromantic and I looked up what that meant because I don’t know the aro-labels as well as the asexual labels and I was like???? That’s a THING??????

So, I’m still figuring myself out. I thought I was nearly there and then I remembered I don’t make anything easy for myself. I’m somewhere on the ace spectrum. My sexual attraction is very limited to what I definitely have zero chance with and that’s because it’s safe. Also it’s very aesthetically based, not powered by my genitals or hormones. As to whether or not I’m Aro as well? We’re still working on that.

But this was apparently more about me processing my trauma more than figuring out my labels since that’s what happened. I’m still working on my labels. I may never figure it out. It might change and then I’ll be really fucked which’ll be fun.

So anyway...did you really read this far down? Holy fuck this is so long, well done. You deserve a cookie or a glass of water or at least stand up and stretch like goodness you must be exhausted. Thanks for supporting and loving me and for being here with me while I try to figure out what the fuck is going on in my life.

I love you.

#the captain rambles #this is incredibly long and very personal but I wouldn't post it if I didn't mind y'all reading it #It's mostly about the shit I've gone through over the years as relating to my personal relationships with those outside my family #and then at the very tail end is me pondering labels and what they mean to me #I just really like coming up with fun names to call the crazy shit that happens in my life #because it makes it seem less terrible than it sometimes was #because there've been some shitty things that i've gone through #but hopefully we're moving towards a better place now

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bignookling · 5 years

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100 days to acnh challenge - 1 to 74

found this challenge and decided it would be a great way to pass the time until the release date, and a good way to get people to know me a lil better too c’: i feel so powerful starting at this point, there are so few days left to wait!

1. Do you prefer making up a new name for your villager, or using your own name? i never, ever used my own name... i always felt like this would be boring, and i kinda want to give myself the opportunity to create a new “character” based on the events that happen to them in the game... (my first character in wild world was named Scarlet :^)) 2. Do you use the first map you’re given, or do you reset for layouts? i am bige resetter with bige plans all jokes aside i am way too indecisive and spent way too much time on this, i would even check people’s dream towns prior to resetting to gather ideas and fresh input on this. though usually, each time i remade my town i had a specific kind of map in mind? most of all, i like having a secluded nice little corner to put my house (being able to move your house in nh is a game changer honestly!) grass type and colors of buildings also matter. residents not so much because, hey, i can also reset for that later! (i am terrible) 3. Do you use the face you’re given, or do you wait for guides and choose your favourite? similarly, i use a guide. i think the only times i didn’t was my first times in wild world where i didn’t really have access to a fast internet connection :’^) (guess what i am also indecisive about this! my most used are the classic arched villager eyes, the almond shaped ones and the shiny anime ones THEY ARE TOO CUTE) 4. Favourite town/island name?/Have you a name picked out for your town/island? I WON’T SAY YET... i have multiple options for now and idk what to do... but my nl town is named Suzuran, and i really like this name :] 5. Will you be sharing with friends/family, or is your island going to be all your own? probably gonna be my own! my mother used to have a character in my wild world town though :) 6. What’s a new feature you’re excited about? ALL but mostly the terraforming/switching everything up options!! for...reasons mentioned above... also the weeds. i never really got to dupe clovers or stuff like that so i am very pumped 7. Favourite fruit? buttfruit peaches probably... i also love perfect oranges and perfect pears because they’re like golden... i like gold like perfect fruits in general hehe i also love the new fruits in new leaf! 8. Least favourite fruit? apples are a bit tacky to me but i still love them i am sad i cannot really make a lot of fruit trees work in my minimally colored nl towns... some people do it so well though and i am TRYING 9. Favourite area? (Beach, campground, shopping district etc, from any entry in the series.) THIS IS HARD I DON’T HAVE A LOT OF MEMORIES i have fond memories of the beach in wild world just because of some people’s really pretty hacked towns. like they added a whole “manor” (big player house) in front of it and that was the bomb. i also loved the cliffs in city folk and am so glad they are back... 10. Where do you like to like to put your house? Do you like that level of customization, or do you prefer to have some things decided, like in older entries? as i said i like secluded, remote areas for the house, and i also loved to put it near the cliff in city folk! (you better be fully awake if you step out) the beach is a neat option too. but in nl my favorite was next to a waterfall! 11. Favourite grass pattern? triangles! when i was a kid it was my least fav and i always avoided it though... then i visited a friend’s cf town and was like “wait this is MORE LIKE REAL GRASS” and i had an awakening... 12. Least favourite grass pattern? circles are a bit... odd for grass i think 13. Favourite villager/s? purrl was my absolute queen when i played wild world and still is. i love cats in general... and deer. and coco. coco is so my aesthetic and goals for a town feeling if you know what i mean, i adore her. doyoing 14. Least favourite villager/s? i am basic and like cute things so the least cute and mostly most tacky, bright colored ones... i am sorry...i still care about all your villagers 15. Did you like doing Tom Nook’s chores, or did you find those to be a pain? generally speaking i like them when i first play the game because they are immersive and kinda introduce you to the main concepts of the game? (the city in city folk, being mayor in nl etc) but with side characters and resetting they get a bit repetitive and frustrating upping your reputation to be able to work as a mayor in nl also is a pain 16. Favourite NPC/s? label is my queen and wife. i love her sisters too, and tom nook... BLANCA too i adored her when i played wild world and couldn’t get to see her in my town and was so hyped for her nl event laughs, and joan and daisy mae... i’m probably forgetting some faves I LOVE EVERYONE wait KAPPN has cute dialogue too! 17. Least favourite NPC/s? is there one? i don’t know? i’m gonna go check a list of npcs now ... i am back and honestly I DON’T KNOW 18. Do you use paths? Are you excited about the new path tool? i don’t use paths in my town because they are a mess to set up and i love the natural look anyway, but some people do it so well! i love the ones with natural colors and the little details. the new path tool looks so convenient, but i don’t know if i like the textures! i’ll probably use it sparsely because i also wanna keep that wild look to my town 19. Favourite feature from an older entry? the lights on the villagers’ houses in wild world is what came to mind first, hahah 20. What was your first Animal Crossing game? WILD WORLD!! i played it so much and for so long 21. Favourite activity (fishing, bug catching, fossil hunting, other)? bug catching (ca-ching) is my fave out of this list, i also love visiting dream towns and playing with friends in general! 22. Least favourite activity? diving is so slow... 23. Favourite bug? the huge butterflies you see in summer (i was AMAZED when i first saw them), the fireflies (SAME, the first time i saw some was in someone else’s town in city folk as we crossed a bridge and it was just magical, laughs), and the big shiny beetles... it’s not just for the monies, i promise 24. Least favourite bug? either the small butterflies that you see everywhere when you’re trying to catch something neat for the bug-off, or the tarentulas/scorpios because i NEVER MANAGED TO CATCH THEM 25. A quarter of the way there! How’s the wait? actually there’s barely a month remaining as we speak, so pretty fine! i still have to pick my character and town names, and to be honest i am mostly worried i’ll start procrastinating like crazy once the game is out. coughs. at least i’ll draw ac characters? 26. Favourite fish? i love coelacanths because i am a big nerd, also the sharks and the cute colorful fishes 27. Least favourite fish? just all the most common ones probably? sea bass isn’t the only one... 28. Favourite fossil? what are these questions. uh, i loved putting the small squares ones in my room in wild world...especially ammonites 29. Least favourite fossil? the ones that bring less cash money? i only care about fossils when they’re displayed in the museum tbh. and there i just love them all 30. Favourite furniture series? the ranch series looked way better in wild world and i am mourning now i love alpine, rococo and modern wood the most! the green one looks cool recolored too! i like combining different series the most, too 31. Least favourite furniture series? anything bright and tacky (except maybe the lovely that’s still fairly cute?) 32. Favourite soundtrack? (Gamecube, DS/Wii, etc) i can’t remember but i get huge pangs of nostalgia if i listen to the wild world/city folk one 33. Least favourite soundtrack? i DON’T KNOW... maybe nl was a bit less whismical? 34. Favourite wallpaper? alpine, chic, exquisite, classic, [...] anything that looks warm and natural and makes for a comfortable house! 35. Do you have a nice memory of the games/community etc you’d like to share? when i was a young teen, i idolized someone in the wild world community because her town was honestly incredibly pretty? so much thought has been put into it and it was just a dream. it made me want to invest more time and planning into my own towns and that’s how i got really, really hooked on the game, i think 36. Least favourite wallpaper? anything really colorful and tacky again... 37. Favourite carpet? the wood ones, mostly! 39. Favourite furniture item? i love the oven thing from pocket camp... and the rocking chair... and the fireplace... 40. Will you be buying a Switch for Animal Crossing, or do you already have one? i have preordered the animal crossing one... i live for this (i am so glad i waited though honestly) 41. Least favourite furniture item? the huge tacky things or things that just look odd in a house perhaps... wait but i still like to see them and some people use them so well. why would i hate on furniture i wonder 42. Favourite flower? jacob’s ladders and white flowers in general. i adore the look of the ones in nh, holy sh- 43. Least favourite flower? pretty much anything that’s yellow. just never goes with my town plans... the roses especially are so bright i’m 44. Favourite hybrid? i miss the colors of the ones in ww/cf so much... so so much but in general i like anything that’s purple, black or blue i think :> 45. Least favourite hybrid? hmmmm the orange ones from new leaf i think? in the previous games they were so rich and warm though... 46. Favourite shirt? the canary shirt, maybe? though i mostly use qr codes, ahaha some of these outfits are still super cute... 47. Favourite dress? anything pocket camp tends to be good, also this one forever in my heart. i adore the flowery sleeveless dresses too! 48. Favourite accessory? bandages, heart shades, leaf, and tortoise specs! 49. Favourite hat/helmet? celeste’s ribbon, hibiscus hairpin, and that tiny straw hat 51. Favourite shop? i always adored able sisters, and leif’s little gardening shack :> 52. Do you collect amiibo cards/figures? Would you like to see them used in the new game? we know they are compatible now, but i don’t have any! maybe i should buy some? 53. Fishing Tourney or Bug-Off? bug-off is quicker and funnier >:] also i remember i ALWAYS WON in cf while playing with friends... fight me... 54. Do you like making your own clothing patterns? there are so many nice ones already that my slots are always full, so i don’t bother... i remember making a two-toned shirt that i wanted irl when i got new leaf, but that’s pretty much all 55. Did you streetpass with many other ACNL players, or is it a feature you didn’t get much use of? I ALMOST NEVER DID...

56. Favourite villager species? CATS... also, deer. basic basic 57. Least favourite villager species? mice and monkeys have the least cute designs i think...? also hamsters idk. i don’t know i like villagers don’t make me choose 58. Favourite nickname from a villager? 59. Least favourite nickname from a villager? I NEVER LET THEM NICKNAME ME... i am sorry to all the aminals 60. Do you try to collect everything in the game, or just try to get your favourite bits and pieces? in wild world i tried to fill my catalog, but now i only get what i need or what i know my friends might need 61. Favourite villager personality? i always had a thing for the snooty and cranky ones! the uchis are cool now too 62. Least favourite villager personality? the jocks are boring to me and they tend to have my least fav designs. when i like one i keep them though because it is so rare...wheeps 63. Do you “plot reset” for villager house placement, or do you let them move in wherever they want? i only really started doing that with the welcome amiibo update that apparently makes it easier, else i just waited for the annoying ones to move... (and time travelled a lot) 64. Are you excited to wear any of the new accessories (like the bags etc shown in the E3 trailer)? i will COLLECT THOSE and COLOR COORDINATE 65. What season are you most looking forward to seeing in New Horizons? 66. What’s your favourite season? i think summer, i want to hear the cicadas and see the fireflies again, and i also want to see how the rain and wind look like! i remember seeing really pretty storms in nl during summer too ♥ 67. Least favourite season? winter gets slow after a while? i still love it though 68. Which game’s events/holidays do you like the most? 69. Which game’s events/holidays do you like least? i don’t remember ‘-’ honestly i feel like i liked them all for different reasons? wild world felt more “involved” in the community, REMEMBER THE GARDENING CONTESTS! and city folk gave you better rewards and was a fun minigame for the day. 70. Do you have another nice AC related memory you’d like to share (in-game, of the community, etc)? i had a vivid dream that your character could DIE in animal crossing once (i predicted new horizons yes) 71. Do you prefer the “live” versions of K.K. Slider’s Songs, or the airchecks? i tend to prefer the airchecks but the concerts are Special, no matter if it’s with friends or alone 72. An NPC you’d like to see more of? mmmnnh blanca always. i love her spirit 73. An NPC you’d like to see less of? really unpopular opinion probably but i wouldn’t miss reese and cyrus too much if they aren’t as present in nh 74. If you could have any piece of AC merchandise, which would it be? the plushies are so good... i’d like like... a fauna one... idk WHEW I’M DONE... i’ll be posting the rest of it daily now!

#100 days to nh #.txt

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larissaloki · 7 years

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lost 5

“Hey punk you there?!” Bucky shouted as he walked a small ways into the jungle. The sun had only been in the sky 2 hours but Steve insisted in going out early, hoping to find tracks from the fleeing omega from last night. Unfortunately so far they had found nothing, not even after splitting a small ways to try and cover more ground. A muffled call comes from up in the tree, forcing Bucky to look up, craning his neck uncomfortably. Up high in the tree he can see the blond tuff that’s Steve’s hair through the leaves, it moves as Steve makes his way down. “I’m coming now! Can’t see anything!” Not that Bucky was surprised by that. With a frustrated sigh he looks around from the base of the tree. Not only had the two spies gone missing, but now they have no idea how friendly the omega is and if there’s other’s. Dropping down heavily besides him Steve wipes an arm across his forehead that’s dripping with sweat already with the humid heat. “There’s nothing, I can’t even find anything to give us clues on Natasha and Clint. Why would they go so far...? “ with a sharp narrowed gaze Steve turns to him. “I think there are more out there Buck. We have to be more careful...” Nodding, Bucky keeps looking around the trees in a futile attempt to find anything new. “We need to get off the beach Steve, look for a more defensible spot. We’re to out in the open out here like this.” “I know. Where can we move to though Buck? We have no idea what the area is like. We need to scout out in small groups. Look for any possible places to set up.” “You sure spitting up, even if only into two groups, is wise? I say we should stick together punk.” “It will slow us down Buck...” “I rather be slower but better chances to live punk..” Sighing Steve nods in consent, together they head back to the beach to pitch their plan to the others. On the beach Thor and Tony were trying, and failing, to catch fish from the sea. “Tis much harder than I thought would be...” “Shut up Thor...you’re barely even helping!!” With a frustrated growl Tony glares over his shoulder at the mostly useless god. Thor stood on the beach as he kept causing to much disturbance. Rubbing a water wrinkled hand over his face to try and compose himself, Tony turns his attention back to catching something. “Any luck there Tony?!” He heard one of the super soldiers from the beach call out. Not bothering to turn he waves a hand to tell them to bugger off. Keeping still he finally sees a small school of fish and guides a net, thats already in the water, around the fish and after a quick count, pulls it tight. Shouting in triumph he pulls the net up and makes his way to shore. Proud of his 7 fish he’s managed to nab. “Take that nature!! I got them!” Laughing joyfully he hands the fish to Bucky. Who took them away to properly prep them for them all to eat, being the best with a knife. “So did you two find Clint or Natasha?” Looking at the super soldiers Tony anxiously asked for the other two teammates. “What about Bruce?” “Sorry Tony...we couldn’t find any tracks for any of them. We want to ask all of your opinions on an idea me and Buck came up with.”

Moving as a group, they all moved to where Bucky is gutting the fish and settle in a circle so everyone can hear. “We think we should move off the beach, find a better spot to take shelter” Steve looks around the group making eye contact with each of them. “It’s to dangerous to stay out here-“ “What about the other’s?!” “Tony...they are all smart, they will be able to find us, we can leave clues around to help them. But there are creatures on this island that we have no clue as to what they are. There are potentially other people out there as well. We need to try and get better baring’s. At least find a more reliable source of fresh water rather than waiting for rain.” “Our captain has a point friend Tony...” Grinding his teeth Tony nods knowing that he’s out voted. “I just...we should try and stay in one area, optimise the chances of them coming across us...” Fists clenched tight Tony looked up at Steve with a glare, letting it be known that he hates this plan. “However, you’re the Captain...” “Tony...don’t...I’m trying to decide what’s best here...” “Sure thing Cap” With a frustrated look Steve shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck. At least Tony hasn’t outright refused to move. “Tis is a hard decision friend Tony but it’s the safest for us all” Nodding curtly at Thor, Tony feeds the fire more wood, nursing it to get bigger. Ready to cook the fish he caught. After eating the fish and scattering the fire remains after letting it burn out, they pack up what they can. Making piles of useful scrap metal for Thor to carry, Bucky carrying any large rope like cables and tools. Steve and Tony are left to carry any luggage that they may need and other supplies. Making their way into the jungle, slowly walking as a group, determined to find camp. “Tell me why again, why couldn’t we have left our crap on the beach?” “Because Tony” hefting the load a bit Steve responds without turning around. “The others on this Island may try and take it.” “...ok thats a good point...” Chuckling Bucky looks back at the genius, a stick in between his teeth to keep his mind occupied. “I think the heat is getting to you doll” Blushing at the teasing tone, Tony wink’s at Bucky. “Nah, it’s your ass thats distracting me babe~” Laughing lowly Bucky faces forward again giving his ass a small wiggle causing Tony to laugh. 3 hours pass with only short breaks to drink and piss, taking a systematic route so as to make sure no hidden paradise is missed. It’s at the end of the 3rd hour that they come across a clearing, more accurately an old camp site. Broken down rudimentary huts are in a small cluster. The floor is littered in plant foliage and what was once benches and baskets around the centre of the cluster. Possibly the fire pit thats now grown over and filled up with weeds. None of the huts look liveable as parts have rotted and fallen away due to elements, others look like they have been purposely destroyed judging by the few knife marks they can make out. Cautiously, the group walk into the clearing. “What the hell happened here...” Tony muttered under his breath as he bends down to investigate what looks like a...bone? “A massacre is what happened here.” A smooth British voice speaks from behind the group. Twirling around, dropping their burdens, the super hero’s get into defensive positions. Pausing when they see Loki standing there. Dressed in a simple green tunic that dirtied with sweat and mud, supple leather trousers and similar material boots. A shit eating grin on his face, long once lustrous hair is ruffled and dirty, at odds with his usual pristine appearance. “Brother...? I thought you dead!” Shocked Thor moved forward as if to engulf his brother in a hug, but stopped short unsure how it would be received. “I am fine brother, a few scratches and bruises but in one piece.” Moving towards the group Loki looks around the camp with distaste. As if it has personally offended him. “Please do not tell me you plan to stay here?” “Good to see you too Loki, what do you mean there was a massacre? Have you seen Clint, Natasha, or Bruce?” “I’m afraid not my good captain, as for the massacre- follow me and I’ll show you why I know that” Turning he heads off back into the jungle, clearly expecting the group to follow him. A small walk from the camp they come to yet another clearing. “Damn...this is a party that’s gone terribly wrong...” Swallowing thickly, Tony looks around the clearing as they have all frozen at the edge of it. The entire clearing is filled with bodies. Or rather. Skeletons of once dead bodies. Taking a deep breathe, Steve took a few steps, carefully, into the clearing to look around. Who ever these people where, they had gone down fighting. “Things just keep getting better and better...” muttering Bucky joins him his eyes clouded with concern. “Looks like we were right to leave that beach Stevie...that native we saw...could have been part of a group that did this...” “Native?” Confused Loki looks between them all for an explanation.

“Aye, a native saved us from a giant beast last night.” Humming Loki seemed to mull over this information. “Loki, have you come across any safe places to take shelter?” Turning back to him Steve quickly gets out o the clearing. The whole place feels creepy, he just wants to get out of here.

“Of course, where do you think I’ve been staying?” scoffing at them as if they are imbiciles, Loki walked away again leading them in a new direction. 20 minutes later he leads them to a cave opening.

“In here, there’s a waterfall inside for fresh water” Quickly the group get inside. Walking down a narrow walk way for about three meters, they stumble into a sudden rounded chamber, high above they can see the sky through a natural occurring skylight. On the far wall opposite the entrance is a crystal clear small waterfall with a small pool at the bottom. A tiny stream leads away into a hole in the wall allowing the excess water to filter out.

“Oh thank god!”

“You’re very welcome~”

“Shut up rock of ages...”

Grinning like a lil shit that he is, Loki winks at Tony who’s giving him an unimpressed look. Gratefully, they all move to separate areas dropping their stuff and collapsing onto the ground. Thor moved to the water’s pool to start collecting water in empty bottles for the group and passing it around.

“Thankyou for showing us this place Loki, I’m glad we found you.”

“As am I Captain. There’s a lot of dangerous creatures out here. Some are even able to become near invisible in the trees to catch unaware prey. There will definitely will be safety with numbers.”

“You met some of the creatures here? Can you tell us anything about any of them?”

“Unfortunately not, Most of the time I have had to run.” At this he holds up his left wrist, showing his magical restrainer. “Without being able to use magic I have no means of defence. Only advice to always keep watching your back. A lot of the creatures here hide up in the trees.”

Cracking his joints Bucky sits by Steve humming in thought. “ Must be to avoid that beast from last night, if I could I would stay up high from that” Nodding his agreement Steve looks down at the small dead fire pit that Loki had made in here.

“We best find the others quickly...”

#lost au

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limpblotter · 7 years

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Be More Michael!

a/n: At first, I can’t see any situation where Michael takes a squip. But seeing how I put an (with a name and everything) au out there I have it a shot by shimmying around some very circumstantial stuff. summary: Michael just wanted a tictac w/c:1823 warning: VERY QUESTIONABLE PLOT?? drug mentioned (mainly pot and squip)

“Wait so it's like drugs?” Michael muttered as they walked side by side down to the Payless. He rummaged through his hoodie’s pockets and began picking at the lint he found in every crevice. “Are you sure you wanna take drugs? You know JUST stopped gagging when you take a drag of the blunt” Michael winked at him, sticking out his tongue adding a bit more insult to his tease.

Jeremy turned up his nose and stiffened his spine trying to make himself look taller. “It's not drugs...it's a computer...or whatever, I don’t know how to explain it. Rich had this cool song…” He waved his hands in front of him. “It's from Japan.” His voice went up a few octaves before cracking, trying to recreate the feel.

Michael nodded a bit, “sounds legit.” The closer they got the more Jeremy began to perspire beside him. “Dude stop walking like someone who’s about to make a drug deal.”

“W-What” Jeremy flinched then looked around nervously. “I-I look like someone who’s going to make a deal!”

“That or you look like someone who’s about to take a major dump in his pants.” Michael clapped his hands on Jeremy’s shoulders and gave him a small squeeze. “Just be chill.”

“That’s MY problem, I don’t know how to be CHILL, Michael.” He hung his head a bit and sighed. “...I wish I can be more like you.” He chuckled a bit. “You’re always pretty chill.”

“Be more like me then, walk in there and trade in hundreds of dollars for a possibility of awesomeness...or a complete and utter waste of time.”

“I don’t think anyone could be more Michael, Michael” Jeremy’s blue eyes disarmed Michael’s heart and he felt all his taunts and best friend banter go out the window and into speeding traffic. “Say...uh...you usually buy your weed...mind…ya know…” He swayed a bit, pulling a very sweet Heere smile.

How could Michael say no? With a few groans and eye rolls, Jeremy slapped the bills into Michael’s hand went to wait for him inside of Spencer's. Michael walked in with a little more sauve than Jeremy but he couldn’t shake the small voice that reminded him he was packing 600$ of money that didn’t belong to him. The drug deal was suddenly weighing on him a bit harder than his usually dime-bag deal. Still, Jeremy was counting on him and he pushed through the Payless and walked over to an exceptionally greasy looking stock boy behind the counter. “I’m here for the...stuff.” Michael leaned up against the desk, keeping his face turned away from the employee.

“The stuff?” He repeated in a monotone voice.

“Yea-yea man you know the stuff, that stuff, that special stuff.” Michael waved his hand coolly, he even popped the hood of his hoodie up adding to the effect. He was so suave, Jeremy would cream himself if he saw him. Wait---why did that come to mind. Suddenly Michael felt himself flush and a hand come to his mouth. Suddenly he felt the box nudge his arm and he looked down. So there it was...600 dollars worth of drugs. He opened it up to check and his face fell… “My...dude…” he muttered opening the box fully “what the hell is this?”

“Size eight-n-a half red pumps from the back room.” He shrugged, “We ran out a week ago, I’ve been holding onto it for the right price.”

“Do I look like I’m here for a size eight heel?” He pulled up the shoe by the heel and began to wave it around.

The stockman shrugged then waved his hand over his face, “probably and maybe a tictac.”

Michael groaned and leaned in a bit to the counter against the stockboy’s wishes. “I’m here for...the squip?” He whispered watching the man’s eyes go from dull to very steely and cold. He gave Michael a nod and went to the backroom. After two long minutes of waiting he returned with a regular looking shoe box. Michael opened it up a second time half expecting another pair of shoes when he noticed a baggie with a long, off gray pill inside. “So...this is it?” This tiny thing was worth 600$?

“400.” The guy grunted, Michael blinked.

“Wait w-” “You heard me, four. Hundred.”

There was no arguing with that, Michael handed over the money saving Jeremy two hundred dollars and getting the drugs for him. He was going to be his hero. “Alright, oh can I have a tictac too?” He breathed into his closed hand and wondered if he had severe sushi breath.

“Here take it with Red Dew, and also, before you go I gotta tell you that--” He handed over the mint then realized Jenna was strolling over. “We’re all out!”

“Of...shoes?” She shook her head a bit then looked at Michael.

“Right.” The stock boy turned his attention to Jenna and left Michael to his devices. Michael didn’t seem to think there was anything else he needed to know. A drug was a drug and from what he knew pills got ingested. A part of him did worry though...his brother and his father were big on the war against drugs. His brother more so he was turning into Michael’s police man when it came to his future. He made his way towards the Spencer's, thumbing the tictac in his hand while he examined the pill some more.

“Well lil buddy, you’re gonna make my buddy super cool…” He chuckled talking to the small pill. “Which shouldn’t be too hard, Jeremy is already the coolest, but I guess sharing that kind of cool-a-tude with the rest of the world won’t be bad. After all” Michael felt his smile soften a bit. “After, all Christine won’t be able to resist him once she gets to know him.”

For a second Michael thought about...well what if he didn’t give this to Jeremy. Nothing would change, he wouldn’t have to share Jeremy with anyone. No one would have to know how Jeremy was awesome at Mario Kart, or the fact he held the n64 controller WRONG by using that weird middle handle. Or the way he wrinkled his nose right before he laughed like he was trying to fight it back. No one had to know that Jeremy could name the best 80s B-rate horror films in order of blood content. No one had to know that Jeremy had a small mole on his hip that as a kid his father would say was his tickle button. No one had to know the Jeremy Michael knew...He held the pill in his hand feeling like he could crush it in his palm...then sighed, stuffing it in his pocket.

It would crush Jeremy. It would suck if Jeremy was unhappy. He bit his bottom lip and smiled, feeling his muscles relax with defeat. If this made Jeremy happy… well then Michael didn’t need any more reason than that. After all what were bros for? He smirked as he watched Jeremy narrowly avoid half of the anime merch, even with his back to it, Michael knew he was probably eyeing some shirt or poster. “Jeeeer” Michael sang as he walked through the store. “I got your drugs.”

“MICHAEL” Jeremy shrieked cupping both hands at his mouth. “Don’t! SAY!THAT!” He hissed, turning red from the tips of his ears down to his neck.

“Tehe.” Michae chuckled beneath his hands. “Alright, alright, oh and I saved you 200$.”

“Wow, and here was worried I blew ALL of my money.” Jeremy opened the box and blinked. There was no pill, his face went pale for a second when Michael pulled his hand from his pocket and presented him with the small white pill. “Jesus, Michael you scared me!”

“Is it ok for a Jewish kid to swear to Jesus?” Jeremy shrugged a bit and it forced a small laugh out of Michael as his friend looked at the pill. “Well...there it is, cool in a capsule. You ready?”

“You wanna split it?” Jeremy asked his eyes on it, this was going to change his life. He could feel it.

“I don’t think it works like that...plus I like knowing when you’re cool, you’re gonna owe me.” He winked. “You gotta drink that with Mountain Dew, by the way.”

“Why?” Jeremy didn’t mind but it felt like a strange combination.

“No clue, just do it.” Michael was ready to watch Jeremy take his first steps into drug induced popularity when his phone buzzed. He snatched it out of his hoodie pocket and pouted. “I gotta run, brother is coming home tomorrow and I have to help mom clean out his room.”

“I didn’t think Ryan would be back so soon, isn’t he like...in college?”

“Yea he’s only coming for a short while before finals hit him. Then we won’t hear from him for another few weeks.” Michael shrugged, “sooo that means tomorrow night, we’re hanging at your place!”

With a ruffle of Jeremy’s short, tuffed brown hair Michael was off. He didn’t hear much from Jeremy after that, Michael felt like asking how it went and whether he was alright. However he was probably enjoying his new popularity, more importantly his mom had him carry down boxes of junk that had been storing in Ryan’s room to the basement, Aka Michael’s man cave. “Are we done yet, MA?” He called from down stairs feeling grungier than usual.

“Si~” She sang from the kitchen.

Michael slumped into his beanbag and stared at the second one beside him. He wondered if Jeremy would be too cool for video games? No, that was unlikely. Jeremy would be himself, just...maybe less sweaty and better breath. “Ah… right.” He dug his hands into his pocket and found his tictac. He popped it into his mouth and rolled it around in his tongue. It wasn’t right, no mint flavor and it was surprisingly sleeker than he thought.

“Michael, tienes hambre? (Michae are you hungry?)” his mother called from upstairs.

“Nah Ma I’m fine-aH” He spoke while his tongue was still testing the strange pill in his mouth. He felt the tictac roll down his throat and in a moment of pure shock he reached for his soda and chugged it down dislodging the small object from his throat canal. “Fuck…” He hissed, gulping making sure he was not going to choke on a tictac. What a lame death that would be.

Michael took off his glasses and rubbed his watery eyes. The moment past and he reached for his phone realizing he had a missed call from Jeremy. Probably called while he was helping his mother. His hand paused when he heard, so clearly a voice say.

Calibrating Cerebral functions

“Huh…” Michael looked around and stared at his TV which was very clearly off.

Identifying ...Michael Mell...Self confident, glorified...loser.

“Wait woah who said that, I am not a glorified loser! … I’m a regular loser with great qualities.” He spoke back to the disembodied voice.

Well, then regular loser Michael. This...is going to hurt.

And it did.

#drabble #possibly might have more parts #idk #we'll see how it goes #bmc #be more chill #michael mell #jeremy heere #be more michael #honestly idk #I just wanted to put something out there so it didn't look like I ignored the asks and inquries #honestly??#this is my first (non requested) bmc drabble #and its probably really bad #squip #drugs mention

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