#I have no idea why I'm even posting this it looks so bad

[barcaatthemoon]

down bad || lena oberdorf x reader ||

your teammates tease you about your crush on lena.

your mouth went dry as you looked at lena's post. she looked good, ridiculously good if you were being honest. it was embarrassing how attracted to lena you were at times. your teammates definitely loved taking the mick out of you because of it. however, you liked to claim that it wasn't your fault that lena was so hot.

"what are you going to do when she gets here next month?" sydney asked as she threw her arm over your shoulder. you tried to play it cool, but the thought had been weighing on you for quite some time. you had no idea how you'd function with that hot german constantly around.

"maybe if i stick with magda, we'll never have to talk to each other," you tried. obviously it wasn't a good idea as sydney started laughing so hard that she was falling over. "i'll think of something."

you tried to push the thought of lena coming to the back of your mind, and you were successful for the most part. that meant when you received the email about all of the new signings coming a bit early, you didn't have time to prepare yourself to see lena. you just walked into an off-season training session to see her in the gym with sydney, pernille, and georgia.

"(y/n), over here!" georgia called out. she knew exactly what she was doing to you. georgia was one of the worst about your crush on lena. the only one who ever seemed to come to your defense was madga, but you couldn't see her anywhere. "have you met lena?"

"not officially," lena answered for you. she covered your hand with both of hers, shaking it gently before bringing it up to kiss your knuckles. your cheeks immediately turned pink, and for a moment, your other teammates didn't exist. "it's nice to meet you. i'm lena, but you can call me obi if you'd like."

"(y/n)," you mumbled. she smiled, and you thought you were going to die for a moment.

"it's a very pretty name liebe," lena told you. you just nodded dumbly until pernille took pity on you and ushered you away. once you were away from lena, you seemingly snapped out of whatever weird little trance she had put you in.

"what the hell was that? you have got it bad for her," pernille said. you covered your face in your hands and let out a quiet little scream of frustration. "i hate saying this, but you are pathetic honey."

"yeah," you agreed sadly.

it wasn't easy, but you managed to avoid lena for the rest of the day. throughout the following weeks, you'd run into her around the training facility or the coffee shop that sydney swore by. whenever you'd see each other, you'd always smile and wave, but she rarely tried talking to you. you thought that you were done for, that lena just thought you were a little freak she was better off not associating with.

once the pre-season started, things changed a bit. you found yourself not hanging around sydney or georgia's because lena always seemed to be around. you felt bad for ditching your friends with lame excuses, but you had yet to get a handle on your feelings for lena. it didn't help that you now shared a locker room and gym space together, so you got to see quite a few of the selfies she posted being taken in real time.

"pernille is worried about you," magda said as she plopped down next to you. you glanced over at the swedish defender, who had been one of your closest friends since chelsea. she was like your big sister, only much nicer to you than your actual siblings ever had been. you were sort of on your own before magda came along and unofficially had her parents adopt you. "sydney said that you haven't been over in a month. your friends miss you, even the ones you haven't made yet."

"what the hell does that mean? why do you always say cryptic shit?" you weren't proud of it, but you were huffing and puffing. it had been a hard month, and honestly, you were done with people trying to convince you to go out after practice.

"i mean that lena wants to be your friend. she was asking about you, i think she likes you." magda nudged you with her elbow, seemingly giddy about the idea of lena having a crush on you. magda hadn't seen you date anybody other than jessie, and while that had been a good relationship for the both of you, things just hadn't worked out.

"she doesn't like me. she's way out of my league. things haven't been good for me since jessie, and i don't want to subject lena to that shit," you sighed. magda wrapped her arm around your shoulders and held you in close. "maybe i should have stayed in england."

"absolutely not. now, you look at me and listen, okay?" magda waited for you to nod before she continued, "you're amazing, kid. the first breakup sucks, but then you go out there and find someone new. you fall in love until you find the right person. it's rare to find someone who can look at you the way lena does without really knowing you. i have it on good authority that you've been talked up quite a bit. lena will be here for a while, just like you, so why not give her a chance?"

"when did you get so wise?" you asked as you wrapped your arms around the back of magda's neck. out of the corner of your eye, you could see pernille watching the two of you. "oh, that's when."

"i told you she's worried about you, and she knows that you'll listen to me. now, go out there and charm the kit off of lena," magda told you. she pushed you off of the bench, where you fell ungracefully onto the floor.

"magda!" pernille chided. she threw her arms up into the air as she approached her partner. magda let herself be dragged away as lena made her way over to help you up.

"are you okay, liebe?" lena asked as she pulled you up onto your feet. she didn't let go of your arm, holding you close as the two of you spoke.

"i'm fine," you answered. lena let out a small sigh, seemingly in relief. you felt your cheeks heat up as she smiled at you. there was a distinct lack of privacy in the locker room, but neither of you could bring yourselves to care. "i think her plan the whole time was to shove me onto the ground."

"maybe, but look at us now." lena had a point, but you knew that you had to actually tell her that you liked her now. "i'll shove her later for you."

"definitely gonna take you up on that, but right now i think i have to tell you something," you said. lena was patient with you, waiting until you were ready to speak without pushing you there. "i think that you're really attractive, lena. i keep making a fool of myself around you, so i started to avoid you, but i like you. not in the way i like sydney or georgia, but in the 'i want to kiss you and am down terribly bad' way."

"hey, i'm a catch!" sydney scoffed. lena turned and glared at sydney, who promptly pretended that she wasn't eavesdropping. "sorry, go on."

"i like you a lot too. maybe after this we can get ice cream. i heard from a very reliable source that we like the same place," lena said. you caught georgia's eye from over lena's shoulder just in time to catch her wink. you smiled as you nodded, giving lena's hand a gentle squeeze.

"i'd like that, but for now, we should get to the pitch," you told her. lena nodded and let you grab your things. she walked alongside you out to the field, both of you falling into an easy conversation with each other.

…

"come on, get in closer," lena said as she pressed her body into yours. you weren't sure how you could possibly get any closer to her for the picture, but you let lena try. it was like this every single time the two of you went out somewhere. lena loved to show you off, even more than she liked showing off her own outfits anymore.

"lena, stop! you're gonna leave a mark," you whined as she started to suck on your neck. that wasn't the only reason you wanted her to stop, but if you admitted to being turned on, lena would never let you go. the woman could go from a complete gentlewoman to a teenage boy in an instant.

"you look good in purple though." lena pouted at you, but it didn't work. you turned to give her a quick kiss, careful to not linger too long in her arms. the two of you were meeting sydney and laura for dinner. it seemed that with every game came an outing with some of lena's german national teammates, all of whom were eager to meet you.

you had never thought that lena's feelings for you could have run in the same vein as yours for her. the attraction turned crush eventually forming into a budding love story. you had never thought of her viewing your stories and liking your pictures the same way that you had done hers. in hindsight, you felt stupid, but lena had been patient in waiting for you.

"please, do you want to give syd more to tease us about?" you asked. lena didn't mind the teasing as much as you did, but it bothered her to see when it pushed you too far. lena shook her head and promised to be on her best behavior for dinner where you learned how nice it was to not be the main focus on the teasing. you didn't think that you had seen lena blush as much as she did when laura brought up her constantly viewing your instagram page on international camps.

[keigosdear]

{bad idea... right? - kuroo t.}

yes I know that he’s my ex, but can’t two people reconnect?//…I just tripped and fell into his bed.

kuroo x fem!reader smut. exes to lovers. 18+ MDNI please.

in which you and your ex "reconnect" after almost half a year apart, but with so many unresolved feelings, it'll either end up being the best or worst idea you've ever had.

warnings: fem!reader, no physical description (aside from specific genitalia ofc). university setting. smut, mentions of alcohol/getting drunk but no drunk sex, lots of feelings/kinda mutual pining. praise kink, a little bit of voice kink, very brief jealous reader, cunnilingus, body worship, teasing, lots of pet names in lieu of y/n, soft dom!kuroo and sub!reader, very. very. soft, kinda emotional sex, aftercare and fluff towards the end. porn with a bit of plot/build up. this fic is my baby.

a trope I never thought I'd write plus a genre I've never written before? apparently so. it's my first time writing smut, so constructive criticism is welcomed, being rude is not. can you believe I started this over the summer ‘23 and I'm only posting it now?

and lmk if I need to add anything else to the warnings :)

divider credit to: @/cafekitsune

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

this truly had the potential to be one of your worst ideas yet.

you weren't even going to be at this damn party to begin with, but your friend finally convinced you to go with her after a week of wearing you down.

"it'll be fun, c'mon!" she begged.

the only reason you didn't want to go was because you were finally done with your first semester of classes and wanted to wind down in peace, not at a crowded house party filled with loud music and sweaty drunk university students.

but of course you relented when she pulled out the puppy dog eyes and played the "but we haven't hung out in months, I miss you!" card.

so there you were by the snacks and refreshments table, dressed up and nursing a drink, talking and laughing with your friends. truthfully, you were having a better time than you thought you would and figured that you had almost a month before classes started back up again to relax.

"soooo? has anyone caught your eye yet?" multiple faces focused their attention on you.

you knew part of the reason your friend had insisted on you going with her was to help you meet someone. she'd never admit it, but it was pretty obvious with the way she was pointing out people left and right, making note of how attractive they were. at one point she had even "accidentally" pushed you into one of her targets, which had made for some very awkward small-talk on your end with someone you had zero interest in and some giggling from her.

it's not that you were opposed to the idea of finding someone, but in all honesty, no one had caught your eye. recently you had gotten out of a long long term relationship, and starting over after that just seemed so... unappealing to you.

it also seemed unfair to start anything new when you were very much not over him. breaking up in the middle of the semester had made it really easy for you to push down any emotions and throw yourself into your studies. but it didn't change the fact that you missed him. even now, the party acted as a good distraction for you.

or so you thought.

you were about to respond when your phone buzzed. you looked down and your heart leapt into your throat when you saw the contact name.

it felt strange seeing it as "kuroo" rather than some version of his given name or a pet name. once you hit the one minute mark of just staring at the text notification in shock, your friend peeked over your shoulder and gasped a little.

"you didn't block him?!"

you snatched your phone out of her hand after she stole it to show your group of friends.

"why would I? it's not like we hate each other."

and it was true- you both ended amicably (though very reluctantly). you only ever wanted the best for each other, and while it was sad, you realized that at this point in your lives with how busy you both were, you weren't able to offer that anymore.

you’d rather this than end things resenting each other.

still, it was a hard pill to swallow, so for now you were just holding it on your tongue, letting the bitter taste of the coating settle instead.

she frowned. "well yeah, but-"

you cut her off before she could bring up the very emotions you were ignoring in that moment and shoved your phone back in your pocket. "c'mon, let's go dance!"

later, though, when you excused yourself to the bathroom, the first thing you did was down your second drink and read the text.

hey.

do you want to come over?

you stared at the messages for another minute, reading and re-reading them over and over again before sighing. being with him for years meant you knew him like the back of your hand, and he wasn't one for casual hook ups or one night stands. you hadn't even heard from him in a few months- this was the first bit of contact you'd had with him since you cleaned out your drawer of clothes at his place.

which meant he was either drunk and missing you or someone was playing a prank and you'd just end up a fool.

seriously weighing the options in front of you, trying not to let your emotions overpower your decision making, you attempted to think about the long term consequences of going over.

no matter how you spun it, it sounded like a bad idea. even if he did send the texts, there was no guarantee he wanted anything out of it.

but you were too tipsy for logic at that point in the night, and if you were being honest with yourself, you were in need of some excitement.

yeah.

I'll send my new address.

wait, he moved?

despite being together for so long, the two of you never ended up living together, opting for dorms and student houses with friends. still, you did spend a lot of time at his old place, and before the breakup you had even talked about the possibility of moving in together after the current school year was done.

you didn't linger on the sour feelings that brought up and instead decided to let your friends know you were leaving. when they asked where you were going, you spun some lie about not feeling well and wanting to head home before you got worse. you didn't really care if they believed you or not.

checking the address he had sent you once more, you made your way out of the house and were pleasantly surprised to realize it wasn't that far of a walk, especially since you were wearing uncomfortable party shoes.

you sipped on the bottle of water you swiped form the refreshment table and tried to sober up a bit more before seeing him. you weren't a hundred percent sure what would happen once you got there, but it was a good idea to be prepared for anything.

eventually you made it up to his apartment, which was in another student housing building off campus, bigger than his old place, and took a moment to compose yourself.

there was still time to turn back and make an excuse for why you bailed.

there was still time to think it through.

there was still time to save yourself from the possibility of more pain.

you took a deep breath and knocked on the door anyway.

not even five seconds later, the door was opening and you were face to face with your ex boyfriend.

you took him in for the first time in months- really took him in. sure, you'd seen his instagram posts since breaking up, but you could only zoom in so far on those. and fine, maybe your friends had tried to set you up with people they had deemed "much hotter", but you never saw the appeal. you couldn't even remember any of their faces in that moment, because kuroo was right there.

his hair was the same as always, slightly messier than usual, exactly how it looked whenever he (or you) would run his hands through it on a particularly stressful day.

had he been stressed about the text? did he regret it?

he was dressed somewhat casually, in a dark red shirt you recognized as part of a birthday gift you gave him one year (you had always liked the colour red on him). he was wearing black sweatpants and his socks were mismatched.

everything about him was familiar, and you hated the way a feeling of ease settled over you when he finished his own analysis of you and gave a boyish, almost giddy grin. "hi."

his voice was warm and gave you butterflies. there was an undertone of excitement in his greeting and it quelled your worries about him regretting the texts.

you decided to smile back, though somewhat shyly (which you inwardly scolded yourself for), and spoke up. "hi."

he didn't let the silence that followed settle into awkwardness. he opened the door a bit wider, and welcomed you in. ever the gentleman, he took your coat and and helped you balance as you took your shoes off. you tried to ignore how warm and gentle his touch was, how it made you immediately crave more.

you made your way into the living room and took everything in. there were empty cans and shot glasses littered across the room, mostly concentrated on the coffee table. you thought you heard him swear under his breath when he looked at the mess as well.

"did you have a party?" you asked, now close enough to smell a bit of alcohol on him.

he shook his head and looked a bit embarrassed. "ah, no..." he rubbed a hand over the back of his neck and sighed. "my roommates went out with some friends tonight and decided to pre-game here. I went back to my room before they left because I didn't feel like drinking too much and assumed they'd clean up a bit..."

you nodded in understanding. "wishful thinking, huh?"

he chuckled. "yeah, guess so," he said, then gestured to an empty spot on the couch. "sit, I'll just get some of this out of the way quickly."

"oh, I can help-" you tried to offer but he waved you off.

"don't worry about it. I'm the one who invited you into a sloppy apartment, you shouldn't have to clean up a mess that isn't yours."

you snorted and watched as he shoved a ton of cans into the decorative waste bin by the sofa and took some glasses to the sink in the kitchen. "says the one who's cleaning up a mess that isn't his."

you heard him laugh at your words and the butterflies erupted in your stomach again. you hadn't realized how much you missed that sound. suddenly your mind wandered back to the reason behind his invitation. you'd be alone tonight?

once he returned from the kitchen and sat down next to you, you talked for a bit. he caught you up on the moving situation (him and a few friends found an opening for the second semester, so they decided to jump on it and try to stay until grad, hopefully. he made a joke about trying to make friends with the landlord). you listened closely, trying not to make it obvious you were hanging off his every word.

when he was done, you caught him up on your life and how you were at a party when he texted. he apologized for interrupting and you told him a little too fast not to be, which he seemed pleased with.

after a while, he asked if you wanted to watch a movie. you agreed, though you were starting to get impatient. you knew he wasn't the type of guy to ever expect anything from anyone, but the curiosity was eating you alive. you couldn't help but finally ask him about it halfway through the movie.

"hey... why did you invite me tonight?"

he didn't seem surprised by your question, which told you he was probably expecting it. (it was silly of you to think he couldn't tell when something was on your mind after years together and only months apart.)

he took a deep breath in and looked down at his lap. while he didn't look outwardly nervous, you knew him well enough to know what his tells were. he picked at a thread on his pants, trying to compose himself before dropping the bomb.

"because I missed you." he looked you in the eye and then continued. "a lot. and you can take that however you'd like. I'll let you decide."

you blinked at him. he'd let you decide? the way he said it implied that he missed you, missed you. not just missed having you in his life, not just as a friend- he missed you.

you would be nothing but a liar if you said you hadn't missed him too. and you knew that the feeling of security and familiarity you experienced earlier wasn't just nostalgia or your own unresolved feelings. if that were the case, you wouldn't be feeling this comfortable on the couch with him. you wouldn't be able to pretend things were normal between you as easily as you had been all night.

kuroo still very much felt like home, and you didn't want to let him go ever again. there was only one way for you to take his declaration.

"can I..." you looked into his eyes and tried not to drown in them. "can I kiss you?"

he looked relieved at your words and eagerly nodded. "please."

you leaned forward and feverishly crashed your lips against his as soon as the word left his mouth. he raised one hand to cup your cheek and pulled you closer to him by your thigh with the other, not once breaking away from you.

soon you were straddling his lap and wrapping your arms around his neck, quiet noises releasing into the air around you both. you moved a hand up the back of his neck, into his hair, and he groaned slightly into your mouth.

you giggled into the kiss, happy to see you still knew what got him going.

as if either of you could forget- it was muscle memory at that point. just like you'd never forget how to ride a bike, you'd never forget how to make the other feel good.

eventually you both had to pull away and fill your lungs again, but you were close enough that your foreheads touched and your breaths mixed.

it was quiet aside from some light panting, so you decided to break that silence with a confession of your own. "I missed you too, tetsurou. so much."

now, you weren't sure if it was what you said or how you said it, but as soon as the words left your mouth, you felt something hard pressing against the area between your legs and gasped a little.

your eyes opened and you pulled your face away just enough to look at him properly. your eyes met his and his face was tinged pink. "I- I'm sorry... we don't... if you don't want to..." he mumbled, not sure how to gage your reaction to this sudden development.

you kissed him again, softer this time to reassure him, and smiled a bit when you pulled away. "I want to, tetsu."

he let out a relieved sigh and smiled at you in turn, then glanced over at the door. "I have no idea when they'll be back... do you want to continue this in my room?" his eyes slowly and hopefully made their way back to yours.

you nodded and squealed a bit when he suddenly scooped you up in his arms, smile growing wider as he made his way to his bedroom.

and that’s how you got here- cutting to when he gently sets you down on the bed, and you scoot back a bit to lay down comfortably. quickly following, his body covers yours and he begins kissing you again.

your arms instinctively move, one wrapping around his broad shoulders, the other cupping his cheek as you move your lips against his. his own hands, now free due to the fact that he’s propped up on one of his forearms, caress your waist and the the top of your head respectively.

after a few minutes of him focusing on your lips, he starts making his way down your neck. they’re feather light kisses at first to make you giggle, but eventually he finds the sensitive spot he always loved to mark up and the sweet sounds turn into shallow, shuddery breaths.

you whine as soon as he starts sucking on it and you bring your hand up from his cheek to his hair. "mmn... tetsu..."

he pulls away just enough so that you can still feel his lips against your flesh as he trails them up your neck to hover just over your ear. "you have no idea," he breathes out, voice low and far more erotic than you think he intended, "how much I've missed this."

you shudder and turn your face away at the tingly sensation, but the hand on your waist darts up to tilt your chin back in his direction. one thing you always appreciated about kuroo was how tenderly he handled you, no matter the tone of your late night endeavors. he was always gentle with you- not in a way that made you feel fragile, but rather in a way that told you he truly cared for you, treasured you, adored you.

the idea that this is still the case turns you on even more and makes your brain go a bit fuzzy.

when your eyes met his once more, you could see that adoration pooling in them. “look at me, sweetheart.”

you nodd slightly in his firm, yet still very soft grasp and keep your eyes trained on his. you could feel yourself getting wet as they trail over your face, and you swear your entire body feels warm as he gives you a rare type of smile only reserved for times like these.

he leans in to kiss you again and his hand moves from your face to toy with the lower hem of your dress. “you look absolutely gorgeous in this, baby, but do you think can we take it off?” he’s still speaking in the low, sultry tone that always drives you wild- you’re certain that you’d do anything he asked of you with that voice.

you sit up a little and move to unzip the dress, but he takes your hands and gives you a look. “ah ah- let me, pretty girl, you don’t have to move a muscle.”

it’s almost jarring how easily you both fall back into it. as soon as your dress is off, his shirt follows and he’s back to hovering over you. it really feels as though no time has passed since your last time with him.

just more proof that this is right.

he wastes no time in ridding you of your bra and himself of his shirt before pushing you back down onto the bed.

the room is once again filled with sounds of soft moans and gasps as he kisses your chest and takes one of your nipples into his mouth. he alternates between swirling his tongue around it and sucking. kuroo didn’t let your other breast go unattended for long, though, as he begins teasing the hardened bud with his fingers.

“aah, tetsu… please…” you gasped out.

the man on top of you chuckles, and in between switching sides he looks at you from under his eyelashes. “still so sensitive, hm? it’s cute.”

you resist the urge to hide your face and instead opt for throwing your head back when he suddenly sucks on the other nipple.

heat continues to build inside of you until he eventually he trails his kisses down the valley of your breasts, across your ribcage and down to your tummy. he spends a little extra time there, and you have to gently tug on his hair and whine about him taking too long for him to break away from your skin.

“let me worship you, angel. missed your body so much.” his voice is barely audible, the words murmured as though he was in a trance. you feel your pussy clench around nothing at his confession and bite back a whimper.

his lips curl upwards while pressed against your stomach and his eyes flicker up to meet yours. “keep your eyes on me, baby. don’t ever want to be away from you again,” he commands.

he rests his chin on your pubic bone and traces the elastic band of your panties with two familiar fingers. “you wore my favourite.”

heat rushes to your face and you do turn away this time, but he makes a disapproving noise you’re all too familiar with. “sweetheart, what did I just tell you?”

you bite your lip and force your eyes back to his.

he rewards you with a tender kiss to your belly and a “there’s a good girl, knew she was in there…” before he pulls your panties off.

you grow nervous, though you know you don’t need to be with him, and close your legs. his eyes soften significantly at the action. you're not sure why exactly the nerves get to you now of all times, especially considering how much you like his stricter side, but they do and he sees it.

he drops the strict act and rubs reassuring circles to your inner thigh. you've always preferred your softer sessions, anyway. “hey, it’s alright. I’m gonna take good care of you… missed my girl so much, just want to make you feel good, okay? we’ll save that for another time. it’s just you and me now, baby.”

you nod and a wave of calm washes over you at the reassurance. you let him pry your legs apart and gasp as he dives in.

he starts with wet kisses working their way up your thighs, to your slit and then up to your clit before he takes the bud into his mouth and sucks on it. you let out a soft moan and buck your hips into his face.

"mmn," he pulls away for a second and holds your hips down. "don't thrash, princess, just let me do all the work."

and he does. once he really gets into the groove of eating you out, you're a mess on his bed- legs shaking over his shoulders, cunt clenching around his tongue and whimpering out little thank you's when he makes you cum for the first time that night.

but he doesn't stop there. "tastes so good, baby, need more," he says in between licking your juices from your folds. "c’mon, just one more. you can do it," he picks up the pace again, and before you know it you're begging for more, too.

"tetsu- ah~!" you moan when he exchanges licking for sucking on your still sensitive clit again. you feel like you're on fire as he draws you closer and closer to reaching your second high.

you tangle your hands in his hair and he groans, sending vibrations throughout your core. you cry out and arch off the bed, spilling into his mouth.

this time when he pulls away, he slithers back up your body and kisses you. "see how good you taste, baby? best in the world, haven't I always told you that?"

your stomach twists from the praise and you turn your head to the side bashfully, trying to stabilize your breathing. he holds himself up above you and strokes your cheek with his knuckles, watching you fondly. it does nothing but make you more dizzy with affection.

when you've calmed down enough, he whispers "do you still want to-"

"yes." you cut him off and he chuckles.

"okay baby," he crawls off of you and reaches for his nightstand. he opens the drawer and-

your stomach sinks when you see an open box of condoms. the thought of him being with other girls makes you feel green with envy which you suppose isn’t fair considering you’ve been broken up for months, but you’re still a little fuzzy and too high on your own emotions right now to care.

he looks between you and the box and immediately catches on when an unexpected tear falls from your eye.

“oh, baby no-“ he takes one from the box and quickly returns to your side. “I haven’t been using these,” he cups your face and strokes his thumb under your eye.

“you haven’t?” you sniffle and he shakes his head right away.

you pout. “but then-”

kuroo cuts you off with a roll of his eyes. “one of my roommates got them for me as a joke for my birthday. I only opened them because he kept asking to borrow them.”

you digest his words and slowly look up at him. he’s already looking at you and you can’t keep your eyes from watering some more. the thought of him being intimate with someone new when you’ve spent the past few months rejecting everyone your friends forced your way.

“I haven’t even looked at anyone else since we broke up,” he murmurs against your hairline. “missed you too much.”

you nod, finding no traces of dishonesty on his features. “I haven’t been with anyone either… I wasn’t over you. I didn’t want to be,” you admit, voice soft.

he smiles and presses kisses from your scalp down to your cheeks. “such a sweet girl I have, hm? how about you help me out here?”

he tugs off his sweats and your attention is drawn to the tent his boxers. you bite your lip and reach for the band but he takes your hand and places the condom on your palm.

you blink up at him, confused. “you don’t want me to-“

he shakes his head and tugs his boxers down. his cock springs free and you gasp a little at the sight of his tip- red and smeared with pre-cum.

“no, angel, I need to be inside of you. just help me put it on.”

you make quick work of tearing the wrapper off and rolling the condom over his length. he groans at the feeling of your knuckles grazing his skin, but as soon as you pull away he’s flipping you on your back and lining himself up against your entrance.

he knocks his forehead against yours. “ready, baby?”

you nod and wrap your arms around his neck to pull him closer. he leans down for a kiss and slowly pushes into you as your lips connect.

you whine a little at the stretch and he pauses everything. “you’re okay,” he reassures you, giving you time to adjust.

you nod when you feel ready for him to keep going and he bottoms out with a strangled moan. “you’re unreal, you know that?”

his praise pulls a giggle from your throat but it quickly turns into a breathy sigh when he starts moving.

he starts off slow, but soon enough you’re both lost in the moment and his pace picks up. within the next few minutes, his room is filled with sounds of pleasure and sweet words exchanged between lovers.

“you’re perfect,” he says, angling his lips closer to your ear. his hips stutter when you clamp around him at his words.

his thrusts reach deep enough to get you crying out for him. “tetsu, faster! please!”

“ah- there’s a good girl, love hearing you beg for more.” he nibbles the spot just below your ear, soothing it with his tongue.

“I love you,” you whimper, nails digging into his shoulders.

kuroo groans at the sensation and goes a bit harder. “you needed this just as bad as I did, hm? it’s okay, I’ve got you now, pretty girl. just relax.”

you hide your face in his neck and try to stifle your moans, but he doesn’t appreciate that one bit. “stop that, let me hear you,” he commands and you immediately pull your head back.

he grins down at you and kisses your nose. “sound so pretty when you’re falling apart on my cock, you know better than to hide those noises from me.”

you nod and find yourself unable to look away from his face, as if you were in a trance. he’s absolutely gorgeous on top of you- why would you want to look away?

“you close, baby?” he asks after your walls tighten even more.

“mmhm,” you whimper and lean up for a kiss.

“me too,” he whispers and tugs one of your hands away from his shoulder. he intertwines your fingers and presses is above your head against the pillow. “needed this just as badly as I did, hm? it’s okay, I’ve got you, baby.”

doing so good for me.

you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.

you feel so fucking good, princess.

all of his praise sent shockwaves throughout your body and soon enough you’re tipping over the edge. your back is arched, head thrown back and a loud cry of his name is drawn from you as you cum for the second time.

he follows soon after and you feel his whole body shudder when he spills into his condom.

your breaths mix together as you both come down from your highs. it’s quiet for a few moments before he carefully pulls out and disposes of the soiled contraceptive in the trash next to his bed. he rolls back into bed, facing you.

he strokes your cheek with his knuckles and smiles at you when you open your eyes and turn to face him as well. “hi pretty girl, you okay?”

you take a deep breath and curl into his chest. you still feel slightly too light and any thoughts not related to him are muddled. you’re overcome with an intense wave of affection for him.

he must notice, because when you manage to peek up at him again, he snorts. “yeah, I don’t know what I was expecting.”

he knows better than to try and leave the bed right away (memories of you whining and clinging to him when he did attempt it early on in your relationship flash through his mind and he smiles), so instead he wraps his arms around you and presses kisses to your hairline.

you savour the familiar feeling of being wrapped in his arms and nuzzle into his bare chest. the most comfortable feeling in the world.

eventually he does get up to grab a damp cloth and some water, and he informs you that you can use his bathroom for whatever you need.

you’re both following the same routine you had when you were together as if you hadn’t broken up at all.

now that you’ve regained some clarity, you start to worry about what exactly that means.

you’ve both admitted to missing each other like crazy, but you assume you’ll need to have a serious conversation with kuroo about whether or not you should get back together.

you ponder over this on his bed for a bit longer before he interrupts your thoughts. “we don’t have to talk about it right now,” he starts. “we can talk about it tomorrow morning if you would prefer, but…”

he pauses like he’s not sure if he should continue. you nod encouragingly, curious as to where this is going (thought you think you know). “but I meant absolutely everything I said tonight. um, before and while we were… uh. busy.”

you giggle a little at his shy demeanour before considering the weight of his words. “we could talk about it tomorrow morning, but I think we both already know what we want from this right?”

he doesn’t need to nod, but he does anyway. “I definitely have an answer already.”

you knock your forehead against his. “so… are we officially back together then?”

he offers you the widest grin he’s thrown your way all night. “I think we are, sweetheart. We’ll make it work this time, I promise.”

“I promise,” you repeat.

the rest of the night is spent cuddling under covers, sharing kisses and secrets you’ve missed out on sharing these past few months.

“I love you,” you say, before you finally drift off for the night.

you don’t hear him, but he’s quick to return the sentiment. “I love you too.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BONUS:

the following morning, you wake up to your phone ringing. you groan when you see it’s your friend and realize you never texted her back last night to tell her you’re okay.

you look over at kuroo, still sound asleep beside you, and answer as quietly as possible. “hello?”

“oh thank goodness you’re alright, why weren’t you picking up? we all called you a million times!”

you check and see a ton of missed calls from more of your friends who saw you leave the party last night. “I’m sorry, I was asleep,” you say sincerely, only twisting the truth a little bit.

you feel slightly bad about it, you mentally promise her to tell her everything later.

before she can respond, your boyfriend sits up (when did he even wake up?) and says into the phone, “sorry, it’s my fault. but I promise I took good care of her,” he smirks at you.

you flinch when she shrieks into your ear. “YOU WERE WITH KUROO?!”

glaring at him, he snickers and takes the phone from you. “she’ll call you back later, we’re still catching up.”

“no, wait-“ he hangs up the phone and tosses it onto his sheets.

you pout at him. “tetsu, c’mon.”

he kisses your cheek. “I really didn’t meant for it to come off as rude, I swear. I just wanted a relaxing morning with you before you have to leave.”

you sigh and fall back into the soft comfort of his pillows. “it’s okay,” you say. “I really didn’t feel like giving her the rundown first thing in the morning, anyway. you really tired me out last night,” you peer up at him.

he laughs. “oh really? we’ve gotta build up your stamina again, pretty girl. I wasn’t lying-“ he crawls over and hovers a few inches above you. “we still have a lot of catching up to do.”

you mentally pat yourself on the back for answering his texts. definitely not your worst idea.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I swear I’ll get better at writing smut, folks 🫡

but for my first time writing it, I don’t think it’s horrible. if the ending feels a bit rushed, it’s because I’ve literally had this sitting in my drafts since miss olivia rodrigo released the music video for this song last august and I wanted it out 🙃.

tagging @nyctophilicroses bc I remember you commented on the original post I made asking abt exes to lovers with kuroo 🥹

[pomefioredove]

Saw the flirty prompts list and thought, what a cute idea!!

Of those prompts, maybe Ruggie and "Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back" please?? Thank you! <3

AW this one is so cute and so ruggie

summary: "can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back" type of post: short fic characters: ruggie additional info: romantic, reader is gender neutral, reader is yuu, not proofread a part of this event

"You should really quit doing this stuff for free,"

"Hm?" you ask, turning to the boy beside you. "Why, you want me to start charging you for my help?"

Ruggie's face pales at the thought. "Nuh-uh, that's not what I meant. But other people are gonna start walking all over you if you keep giving handouts."

"Tsk. But not you, right?" You roll your eyes.

He grins. "Not me,"

You can't help a laugh, even with the weight of the grocery bags straining your shoulders and the hot sun overhead. It's a long walk back to the hall of mirrors from Sam's on days like this.

...You've always thought that you could probably get by without gym class as long as you keep hanging out with Ruggie.

"What's in these things, anyway? Bricks?"

Ruggie flashes another grin. "Meat. The cafeteria's doing that vegan week thing, and Leona's been fussy about it all month,"

"Now that makes sense,"

He snickers, holding the door open for you and you step inside the much cooler building.

"But anyway, as I was saying," Ruggie goes on, watching a group of students pass by. "You should know your worth. You can't keep being everyone's therapist and not even charge them a session fee."

You scoff. If your hands were free, you might have put one over your heart to show him just how offended you are. "I am no one's therapist, thank you,"

He gives you a look.

"Well... whatever you need to tell yourself to get through the day, I guess, shishishi,"

The cool sanctuary of the school building is gone in a flash, and you're met by the overeager sun again.

"...You could at least bargain a little," Ruggie mumbles, shielding his eyes from the perpetual Savanclaw heat as you make your way inside the dorm. "A give and take system, you know?"

You reach the appropriate fridge, surprisingly emptied out for the occasion, and he begins shelving the meat.

"Why are you so interested in what I give and take, anyway?" you ask, handing him a plastic-wrapped steak.

"Eh... I just don't like seeing you taken advantage of. That's all,"

His tone is casual, though a little strained, as if he's forcing himself to sound uninterested in your personal life.

"Are you sure it's not just cause you'd get to keep all my manual labor to yourself?" you smile, sitting on the floor with him as he packs the fridge.

Ruggie chuckles. "Aw, come on, I'm not that bad. I can play fair, too, y'know,"

"Really? You'd bargain with me?"

"Fair's fair," he shrugs. "I take and I give. I'll even ask nicely. I'm like a saint or something."

You can't help another laugh. "Alright... I'll bite. What do you want?"

He's completely silent for a moment, tapping his chin to give off the illusion of thought. Then, in an all-too casual tone: "Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back,"

Another silence falls between the two of you, and for a moment, he almost looks nervous.

Then, you giggle. "Wow, so polite..."

Somehow, you find yourself closing the distance between the two of you, pressing a quick, chaste kiss to his lips.

Ruggie pauses. He seems awestruck, as frozen as the raw meat in the fridge as you lean back. Then, he grins.

"A worthwhile purchase, I'd say,"

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Prompt idea: Holiday celebration get horrendously fucked (birthday, Christmas, Halloween, Passover, doesn’t matter really, dealers choice) and one of them has to comfort the other and help them through a meltdown over their favorite day getting fucked up

Happy birthday and hopefully your day isn’t as bad as you would make Ed and Stede’s!

I wasn't able to get this one edited and posted on my birthday, but it's still a precious prompt and I loved writing for it!! Here's the story of The Time That Stede Fucked Up Passover.

--

"The eleventh plague," Stede said glumly as he watched Ed open a kitchen window to air out some of the smoke, "easily misread cooking directions."

"Well, babe," Ed said over his shoulder, "I'm not sure why you thought that the oven needed to be set to 450 for brisket -"

"I misread the package, Ed," Stede snapped, trying to hide the wobble in his voice.

"Aww, no, that came out wrong." Ed, who had been poking at the smoking, thoroughly blackened brisket sitting on the stovetop to salvage for any edible parts, held out a hand for Stede to take.

Stede pretended he didn't see, looking down at his lap.

It was Stede's first Passover with Ed, and he knew it was a big deal. Ed's mama was coming over for the seder, and Stede had been trying so fucking hard to get it all right. Passover was Ed's favorite holiday! He couldn't fuck it up!

So he did all his research. He practiced reading the haggadah, the text read at the seder - even though Ed would be doing most of the reading, he wanted to be able to pronounce the prayers without asking for help and mark spots where he could raise interesting discussion or questions and (hopefully) impress Ed's mom. He'd figured out voices to use for all of Ed's plague-themed finger puppets to add a bit of levity, triple-checked what they needed for the seder plate, and he'd stressed over making sure dinner was perfect.

When the local synagogue had released sign-ups for pre-made brisket packs, of course he'd signed them up. He wasn't the greatest cook, and neither was Ed, so he figured that having the main course squared away would take a load off his mind and allow him to focus on getting the table set and ready while Ed prepared the roasted sweet potatoes, matzo ball soup, and an extra-big helping of charoset.

And now he'd fucked up his one contribution to dinner, and he hadn't even gotten the table ready, and he'd forgotten to put the wine in the fridge to chill, all because he couldn't even read the package -

"Stede, babe, you need to breathe."

Stede jerked his eyes open. He didn't even remember closing them, but now Ed was kneeling in front of him at the table. He put a gentle, calming hand on Stede's thigh, looking up at him with a small smile.

"I'm so, so sorry, Ed," Stede sighed, scrubbing at his eyes before his tears could fall. "I've ruined everything - I'm the worst boyfriend ever."

"Hey, don't talk about my boyfriend that way," Ed pretended to grumble. "You just misread the instructions. Could've happened to anyone, and you've never made brisket before, have you?"

"No," Stede admitted.

"There ya go," Ed said easily. "You do need to wear your reading glasses more often, though. Not even just saying that because I think they're hot."

"Ed," Stede snorted. "Was any of it edible?"

"Stede," Ed said solemnly, "that thing is burnt to a sizzle. It's basically a rock. It's an ex-brisket."

"Great," Stede sighed. "Your mom's going to hate me."

"She's gonna love you," Ed promised. "Wanna know how I know?"

Stede just pursed his lips.

"Because you tried," Ed said. "You tried so fucking hard."

"That doesn't change the fact that our main course is burnt beyond recognition, Ed."

"C'mon, man, get it straight." Ed rubbed a soothing little circle over Stede's kneecap. "If you think my mama is showing up here without more food than any of us can eat, you're in for a surprise."

Well. That made it a bit better.

"I'm just sorry," Stede said, his shoulders hunching inward with his guilt. "I wanted this to be the best Passover you've ever had -"

"It will be," Ed said, immediately. "Because you're here. And I love you."

"I love you, too." Stede cupped Ed's cheek in his hand, his heart swelling at the way Ed tilted his face into the contact. "Promise you're not mad?"

"Not a bit," Ed said.

Stede leaned in to kiss him, but they pulled apart when they heard a car pull into the driveway.

"The eleventh plague," Ed said cheekily, giving Stede a quick kiss on his way up. "Meeting your boyfriend's mom."

Stede shivered.

"C'mon, babe, she'll love you!" One last kiss, and Ed darted out to meet his mama before she had a chance to start trying to carry things in herself.

Stede took a deep breath, made sure no one could see him for just long enough to flip off the stupid brisket on the stove, and then he ran out to join them.

[wouriqueen]

2x06 thoughts - part 3 - Armand & co

He needed a whole section for himself because he's a freak

Masterclass of playing of the victim

"I can't do anything about the coven." "I'm protecting myself from Daniel Molloy." He's so funny and evil. The audacity the manipulation the lies. It's to the point where I might have to subscribe to the idea that he's got to believe some of what he's saying. Otherwise it's too big.

Armand and Claudia

"Thank you for never treating me like a child" + Claudia apologizing to Armand... Despite her fear of being put aside by Louis for Armand, and her resentment at Louis endangering her for the sake of his relationship with Armand, Claudia has always made sure to show respect for Armand and his position. She did her job. She spoke up respectfully. Stuff she didn't even owe him considering he strangled her and threatened to kill her over literally nothing. She went to him to get approval for turning Madeleine. When they meet again with Madeleine and Louis, she apologizes to him for the conflict he went through with the coven, even though that was mainly about Louis, and even though it started way before she even had any idea of turning anyone or going anywhere.

And right after that apology he lets her get kidnapped and killed. Just like her apology to Lestat was met with ugly mockery and eventually assault :(

"She's worth having" not the objectification.

"You'll come together again" (about Louis and Claudia) I know he believed that and I know that's why he let her die. Because he didn't want that. I know it.

"It's forbidden, Claudia doesn't want his (Lestat's) blood" Says the guy who called her Claudia de Lioncourt!!! And he's so disrespectful, saying that to Louis' face even though Louis was there when he called her that (and I liked that he defended her). Now you respect her wishes to not be associated with Lestat?

There's so many more hypocritical moments in general but I might just list them in another post.

Armand and Louis

Louis sick and tired of "Yes, Maître" My absolute favorite scene is at the park when Louis asks Armand to witness Madeleine turning, Armand tries to turn it into a "Maître" situation, and Louis immediately shuts down. He does kind of play into it with a nonchalant order but he also makes it clear he dislikes it. He just wanted to ask his boyfriend for a favor... He's already tired of having to play that game every time he asks for something that matters to him and they haven't even left Paris! Armand apologizes, but does he truly understand?

Not to mention, given the nasty looks Louis was throwing Madeleine before the bite, I'm sure he felt lonely. Having Armand by his side would have eased the feeling of loss (as Claudia said, "to get something you must lose something" but what he was getting didn't show up).

Armand moving in. I know Claudia herself wasn't really living at the apartment anymore but the way Armand moved in as soon as she left town aghdjshuis

Daniel spelling it out. Too bad that it had to be done that way for people to get it, but I'm glad Daniel pointed out how Armand's submission to Louis was only when it was convenient to him. It was always obvious. Hopefully the bad discourse around it dies down!

Armand, Louis and Daniel

Vampire apologies and dubious alliances. Armand apologizes to Daniel for the memory edit. He has to be prompted to apologize about the attempted murder. He does not apologize for the torture. Daniel is holding onto the shared outrage and the connection he found with Louis earlier, and at first they're kind of a team, but in the end it's not quite going as planned.

Poor Daniel is about to find out what it really feels like to sit on the outskirts of Louis' relationships. He better re-read those diaries for reference...

Vampire hackers and the Talamasca. WHAT is going on with that though? Armand asking about the suddenly encrypted laptop means he regularly snoops around in there, no? And why is he asking Rashid about Daniel's outing as if he can't read both their minds. He knows for sure. But why not just come out with it?

Anyway those were my thoughts, I loved the episode.

2x06 thoughts - part 1 - Madeleine & co

2x06 thoughts - part 2 - Claudia & Louis

[pinkgy]

Niflheim Character Charts just dropped and they are the most interesting kingdom, here's why.

There are a lot of things to talk about I don't even know where to begin.

I've seen a lot of blogs here giving their opinion about them, and i wanted to do the same :D

First of all, the only kink that we maybe would've been able to assume was Beleth's, and honestly, that tobacco kink never crossed my mind.

Where do they even get these kinks?

They just get more creative every time.

I'm going to begin with probably my favorite Niflheim demon since today morning.

You have no idea how BAD I wanna know how he ended up surrendering his role as a king even tho he still wants to be the king, just how powerful Bephegor is?

Now a question I've always had that has nothing to do with this post, Who is actually the strongest king? Because every noble says their king is the strongest (except Andrealphus, if I'm not mistaken he said Beelzebub was the one)

But if we put some head into this question, Lucifer should be the strongest, but when they bring up the strongest king in the game either in the story, cards, or events, no one mentions him.

I don't know.

Something that seems interesting to me about his description is that:

They describe Niflheim as a lawless city, which is quite the opposite of what all of us thought since it's a military land and shit.

Did Niflheim become a "Lawless city" because of him and that's why Belphegor dethroned him, or did it become like that because of Belphegor?

And the fact that Agaros is described as the most insane guy in hell is ... crazy.

And gets even crazier when we remember Glasyalabolas, Abaddon itself, and Andrealphus are out there.

Also, it's said that he doesn't recognize Belphegor as his king, and unlike a certain jealous king that we know could never tolerate that, Belphegor probably doesn't give a fuck or is too lazy to bother, so he let him be.

Now, Vassago

Listen, I don't want to judge him this quick, but if there's something I don't like about some characters of the game, is when they are overly and extremely loyal and obedient to their kings, and it's something really common in whb, I like when the characters don't make that their whole personality and even when they're a bit rebellious, some examples are Glasyalabolas, Barbatos, Paimon, Leraye and more.

The thing is that Vassago seems to be the greatest of these types of characters, but again, I'm not going to judge him so soon, I'll wait until we get more information about him to give a more objective opinion.

Then we have Beleth.

I love his eyes omg, they look really simple but there's something about them.

I know the game doesn't respect much the fact that the nobles have ranks in the Ars Goetia, but Beleth is a king, and Agaros is a duke, and it would've been great if they switched their names, I don't know, I don't pay much attention to this since it's a game at the end of the day, there's no need to follow the canon.

Either way, Beleth is like a king in Niflheim, specifically a De Facto King, which according to my mom, is a leader who leads without being authorized to, and yes, this a very resumed definition, we still don't know why this happened, I had my theory that Beleth does as he pleases with Niflheim and Belphegor lets him because he's too lazy to bother, but it's said in his description that he let's people know that the one in charge is Belphegor so my theory doesn't make much sense.

I hope they clarify this in the event because this Niflheim lore seems reaaaaaally interesting.

Also, I think we all noticed, but now we know why he has so many bite marks, the dude gets laid every day and he probably hides a monster down there.

And Belphie and Him have matching horns AGhhh how cute (I have my theory that that's not a horn, but okay)

And now the main guy of the day.

I still have no idea what his kink is, as much as people explain it, I don't get it.

At this point, I think PB is inventing kinks because there's no way.

Him having Narcolepsy is expected, my bets for his mental illness were that and insomnia, maybe one of the reasons he doesn't appear (aside from him being literally the demon king of sloth) is because he has a very serious case of narcolepsy, but I don't know, we'll have to wait until we meet him.

I said this in a post I did before, but I love that he's 1cm taller than Satan and his dick being 0.1 cm bigger, PB did this on purpose obviously and I can't wait to see interactions between them.

Since we don't have an actual description of him, I can't say much, i just know I love him.

So far I think this is the most interesting kingdom, there seems to be a lot of lore behind them and I absolutely love that, I hope we get a lot of information in the event because of my calculations are right, there’s going to be a looooooong while until we can finally meet them in the main story (and since PB is taking so long with the chapters, I don’t expect them to come to the main story until next year)

[donutwatches]

MHA Movie 1- Two Heroes (Two Gay Dads) - part 2/3

So they all get dressed up like they are going to prom and everyone is adorable, but screen capping all of them would take up the whole post. BUT I must include this image right here:

Kirishima packed a suit for his bestie? He really said, 'No worries, bro, I'm not going to let you look stupid at the dance function with your usual tacky grenade hands and baggy pants'.

Is this an extra suit from his closet, or did he BUY a suit for Bakugo? He's giving him a suit with a floral print, with roses on it. King sh!t.

Melissa made Deku a super useful (if ugly looking) tool to help with his power not breaking his bones. That would have been great to have earlier. Will he only have it for the movie though?

One criticism I have of the movie is that these villains are very generic and boring. Having All Might tied up with this magically strong rope was a contrived way to keep the focus on the kids. I do not care about the plot much. This movie thrives more when it is giving fun character moments.

They got so lost they wandered 84 whole stories in the wrong direction, and have no idea villains have even attacked. Good job boys, getting that lost is a talent.

Why can I hear the James Bond theme playing in the background? They really gave Todoroki the coolest edgy one-liner in this movie. Good for him.

I am not sure how cannon this movie is, but I love the implications that quirk strengthening technology would get confiscated. The powers that be want to stay in control, and they see anything that messes with the power balance of the hero industry as a threat. Some juicy 'hero-society is not so perfect' material there.

Love that Dave fell for "You're worried that villains will hurt people? Nooooo waaaaaay." Davey-o you are meant to be a smart guy, but I guess no one is immune to being stupefied by All Might's thick pecs. I too, would turn to villainy to preserve Toshinori's mountain range-esque muscles.

Dave is stupid for going along with this plan, BUT he is was only made stupid by his true love for his old college babe All Might, so I forgive him. I support gay men's rights and wrongs.

They are shook! I felt genuinely bad for Melissa here. She looks up to her Dad, and her Dad just messed up in the messiest way a mess up can make a mess.

I don't know why Deku looks devastated though, he only knew this guy for 2 minutes. I guess, he is just an empathetic little bean.

...the image speaks for itself...

The sad thing is, is that none of this had to happen if All Might didn't keep OFA a secret from Dave. The entire plot of this movie would not have happened if Dave had been informed that All Might's power could be passed to a successor. All Might being secretive causes more problems than it solves.

Hold up, are the villains going to HURT people, for real? Noooo waaaaaay, who could have seen this coming?!

Part 3 coming soon!

Masterlist

If you want, you can request to be added to the -

TAGLIST:

@blackaquokat @jessiedead @granny-griffin @setfiretotheshadows

@bicheetopuff @hyperfixations-and-cringe @champion-prism

[thisgirlnamedblusy]

Hey, I really like your story so keep up the good work. Can you do a story about gardener turned maid x Donna. She and Donna were childhood friends, (y/n) always plays with Donna when she was a child. (y/n) also has a hard pass, she was only adopted by the previous gardener but never really took care of her but she sees him as her father anyway. (y/n) is always alone and seeks solace around Donna. When Donna's parents died she shut herself out and which made her feel even more alone. But then the lady got out and asked if she could ve her maid. This is also and excuse to be close to her again because she always admired and loved (y/n) from afar. They got closed again then (y/n) stole a kiss from Donna. Donna got angry and left. They haven't talk for days but she confess to her that she loves (y/n) as well. They were happy until one time (y/n) felt a pain in her chest, it's so painful that she loss consciousness while tending the garden, Donna became worried and took her to her room. (y/n) woke up and looked at herself in the mirror, what she saw is horrible. A giant lump is growing on her chest and some nerves are visible from it to the neck and it's dark. Donna told her it was a cadou. (y/n) demanded answers from her and Donna just told her everything what mother miranda told her during her implantation and that it's been killing her to keep that from her lover. She wanted to confront miranda to get some answers on her own. Donna told her it wasn't a good idea because she will die. Then night came and (y/n) and kissed Donna goodbye while she's asleep because there is was never really a happy ending for the both of them. She confronted miranda to get some answers, they fought while miranda was telling her that she was a failed experiment.

Good ending - Donna found her and treated her wounds and they were together again

Bad ending - Donna found her body the next day dead. Years later she still mourned for her and that she slowly looses her sanity because of it.

Note: I'm sorry it is very long but I trust that you could make a story out of this and also English isn't my first language either. And write both of the ending to give the readers some perspective about the 2 endings. Thank you

Yess!!! It's a very good plot, thank you!!! Well, I don't like bad endings, so I chose the good one. You said that you wanted the two of them and... Well, I'm going to post it later if you're okay with that!!! Anyway, thank you for your request!!! I hope you like it and sorry about the language mistakes!!! :))))

The friend you were used to be

Pairing: Donna Benviento x Fem! Reader

Warnings: angst, dark themes, mentions of abuse, Donna being Donna, fluff, blood, Cadou, Reader POV

Word count: 10,077

Summary: Sometimes life is so unfair...

N/A: Sorry about the language mistakes!! Requests are open, I'm waiting for yours!! I love you all!!! :)))

The pain is almost unbearable. My hands are unable to contain the blood that flows from my wound. I scream, I cry, but no one listens to me, there is no one in this dark place. Thinking that it would be the day of my death does not scare me, I was the one who went to that place. It was me who chose the day of my death, and not her. With an exhausting effort, I manage to turn around and look at the full moon through the rubble of the underground cathedral.

“Such a magnificent view,” I say, closing my eyes, breathing in pain. My bandages are torn and my soul is condemned. How did I get here? Why did my life have to end like this?

Pointless questions when the darkness is so close. I once heard someone say that when you were about to die, you might be able to see your life flashing before your eyes. It's certainly not something I feel like doing. If I have to die, let it be remembering you, my love, the only light that made me keep hope. But I feel the need to go back, to when this started...

20 years ago…

“And then I found a cave with a lot of strange black trees,” I said, talking about that little walk around the village.

“A cave?” My friend, Donna, asked, listening to me curiously while we played tea with her doll.

“Yes, yes, a huge and very deep cave,” I reaffirmed, pretending to take a sip from my empty toy cup.

It was an afternoon like many others, at the house of my friend, my only friend, Donna Beneviento.

My father, or rather, the man who called himself my father, worked for her family as a gardener. We lived isolated on the grounds of the Beneviento estate, almost as long as I can remember. Apparently, I was adopted shortly after birth.

I didn't care much about my origin either, not even that this man, Josef, didn't bother to pretend that he loved me. There was only one thing I liked to do, and that was to spend the afternoons with Donna.

She was four years older than me, she was 12 and I was 8. Despite that difference, nothing prevented us from playing with the dolls, talking, or laughing, like girls, like real friends. I couldn't blame her for seeking refuge in my friendship. She had her own problems. According to my father, she was an isolated, lonely and strange girl, who never left the grounds, who never spoke to anyone.

Maybe it was because of the lack of her right eye, which left a striking scar on her face, or maybe it was because she simply wasn't interested in humans. Whatever the case, Donna and I were friends. She needed me, and I needed her.

“So… What happened to you?” Donna asked, well, Angie, the doll that her father made for Donna so that she wouldn't feel so terribly alone. She was one more friend, even if it was only imagination.

“Well, I tripped, fell on a rock and fainted,” I said, putting my hand to the area of ​​my chest that was still burning.

“You fainted?” The brunette asked, lying on the floor with her hands on her chin, listening attentively to my story.

I nodded, lying down too.

“I was unconscious for hours, until I woke up, outside the cave.”

“That's a lie!” Angie screamed, to which I clearly got angry.

“It's not a lie,” I protested in a childish manner, of course.

“Do you have any proof?” the older girl asked, looking at me suspiciously.

“Well yes, I have proof,” I said, showing the strange scar on my chest. “Look, Donna…”

“Wow... Does it hurt ?” She asked, reaching out towards the scar, changing distrust for curiosity. I shook my head, covering myself again.

“Sometimes,” I said, feeling good about the attention I had drawn from my friend.

“Donna, è l'ora delle tue lezioni,”  Mrs. Beneviento's voice interrupted us, making Donna grimace in disgust.

“Ma mamma, stavo giocando con (Y/N)” the older girl protested, getting up and picking Angie up from its small chair.

“No complaints, Donna, besides, (Y/N)'s father will be worried, it's late,” the adult woman said, pointing to me. I woke up a little disappointed because of how short the afternoon had been. “Go home, it's getting dark and it’s dangerous.”

I protested with my eyes and nodded. After all, my father's job depended on them.

“Yes, ma'am,” I said politely, bowing my head respectfully. Donna's mother smiled tenderly at me, putting a hand on my back to guide me out.

“(Y/N),” the girl called to me, holding Angie in her arms. “Will you come tomorrow?”

“Sure,” I said, smiling as she said goodbye to me with a shy wave of her hands.

I wish I had known. I wish I had known that would be the last time I would play with my friend Donna. The next day I didn't go to her house, she didn't come to see me. That same night, something terrible happened.

Donna's parents died, both of them, jumping off the cliff that was right next to her house. Terrible, unexpected news.'

I remember the funeral…I remember how Donna couldn't stop crying.

A 12-year-old girl didn't have to have experienced that, it was unfair.

The following days were even worse. My father told me that Donna needed to be alone. Alone? A 12 year old girl alone in that big house? My mind couldn't understand it. As Donna's only friend, as an 8-year-old who wants to see her friend smile, I headed there for weeks.

“Donna, let's play,” I said, knocking on the door, waiting for an answer that wasn't a sob.

“I don't want to play,” a broken voice came from inside the house. “Go away, (Y/N)”

“Come on, Donna, please... Being alone is so boring. Look, I brought Mr. Whiskers, Angie's boyfriend. I'm sure she missed him,” I said in a childish, almost pleading voice. I couldn't lose Donna. It may have been a selfish feeling but, after all, I was only 8 years old.

“I don't want to play with you!” Donna screamed, desperate, which made me squeeze the doll tightly in my hands. “Go away!”

It didn't matter how many times I insisted, how many times I cried begging for a little time with her. I didn't see her again. Donna forgot about me, but I never, ever forgot about her.

Little by little I got used to her absence, to my loneliness. The months, the years passed slowly and I grew up alone, next to a man who didn’t take care of me, always leading my gaze to that place to which I never returned.

14 years ago…

“Father!” I screamed, covering my face with my hands. The blizzard intensified and made to walk properly impossible for me. “Hurry, we have to protect the house!”

It had been 6 years since I last saw Donna. She was a woman, not a girl. 14 years was not too many, but it was enough for new feelings to appear to torment me. Envy corroded me...

During all that time, only my father had been lucky enough to get close to the Beneviento estate, only he was allowed to take care of Donna. No matter how much I insisted, I couldn't do it. My father said that she was a strange girl, that it wasn't good for me to be around or disturb her, that Donna was only his responsibility, and not mine.

I tried to escape several times, stupidly thinking that I would be able to see her again, to talk to her after so many years. I didn't do it, I couldn't do it.

But that afternoon there were other problems to worry about. A terrible blizzard hit the place mercilessly, causing us to have to reinforce our house, nailing wooden planks to the windows.

“Stay here!” My father shouted, when he nailed the last plank.

“No, father, don't go!” I said, grabbing his arm.

“I have to see if Miss Donna is safe! Obey, (Y/N)!” He ordered me, breaking away from my grip and causing me to fall to the ground.

“Father, wait!” I shouted, standing up as best I could.

Donna could be in danger. That was the only thing I thought about as I crawled through the snow, feeling thousands of ice blades dig into my skin. I could barely walk for a few minutes. The road was blurry. There was no sign of my father, I wasn't even able to tell where I tripped and fell again, sinking into the snow.

“Help!” I shouted. It was useless. My screams were drowned out by the wind, by the snow, by the nervous crows trying to take shelter.

My vision cleared and then… Then I saw it.

A black figure was walking towards me. It looked like a woman, or something like a woman. Her walk was slow, elegant. She was carrying something in her arms. No, not something, it was someone. When she got close enough, my heart almost stopped.

Mother Miranda, protector of the village, its supreme authority, was right in front of me. The priestess clothing stood out against the snow, the golden tones of her mask made her look like a bird, something similar to a crow. In her arms, there was a young woman. Someone I couldn't recognize until she was too close.

That scar, that black hair… Donna Beneviento.

The one who was once my best friend was resting in Miranda's arms. She seemed unconscious, or something worse.

I tried to move, to reach out my hand towards her, but the cold prevented me to do so. The priestess's footsteps were already distinguishable on the ground. It was impossible for her not to have seen me.

She walked past me, carrying Donna in her arms. The blizzard didn't seem to be a problem for her at all.

"Donna..." I sighed, crawling a little as the figure slowly moved away from me. Miranda paused, perhaps out of pity, perhaps out of annoyance. She didn't help me, I barely felt her gaze on mine. What I did feel was her smile through that golden mask.

Miranda looked at me and I looked at her. Her figure remained completely oblivious to the snow and Donna seemed nothing but a dead weight in her arms.

I could hear her laughter, even today I would be able to swear that a terrible laugh came from the priestess. Slowly, she turned her head away from me again walking down the path. It had been 6 years without seeing Donna and I still wanted to save her, attack the priestess and take her to a safe place.

Miranda was good, or so they said. I never believed it. Seeing her was just a bad omen.

As time went by, I began to believe that this was just a dream, a mirage that the blizzard created for me. I soon realized that it was not.

“Adopted?” I asked, at one of the silent meals with my father. The man who didn't love me nodded, enjoying the food he forced me to make for him.

“Mother Miranda has taken pity on Miss Donna, she is her daughter now,” he explained, already drinking her second glass of wine.

“I don't understand. When I saw her, she seemed unconscious, she seemed...”

“Are you questioning Mother Miranda?” The man asked, abruptly, hitting the table with his fist. I backed away scared. In recent years, the behavior of the man who claimed to be my father had become unsustainable.

“No, father, I'm just saying that...”

“Shut your mouth and bring more wine! Don't dare to question Mother Miranda, (Y/N), not in this house.”

I nodded, with tears in my eyes. I still didn't understand anything. I still had a lot of unanswered questions. At least Donna was fine, better than ever according to my father. That's what he said. It had been too long since I had seen her, too long...

12 years ago…

Life continued its course. I, already 16 years old, had become accustomed to solitude, to the few pieces of the outside world that Josef told me about. That man was never my father. I would no longer call him as such. Hits, screams and beatings those were the summary of my existence, too much for a young girl like me.

I had no news about Donna. I didn't know what had happened to her, why Miranda had adopted her. I didn't know anything and the worst thing... The worst thing was that I cared less and less. Surviving Josef's wrath was the most important thing.

“You are a worthless girl!” The man shouted, hitting me hard on the cheek. “You are worthless!”

“Father, please, please, stop...” I begged crying, falling to the floor.

Alcoholism took away the little that was left of humanity in him. That morning, the idea of ​​getting out of there was more present in my mind than ever.

“You will never be my family!” He shouted, stating a truth that I already knew. He had a family, his family died, he adopted me. That was the sum of his demons. I would never be his daughter. He would never be my father.

“I don't want to be your family!” I screamed furiously, struggling with his arms so he wouldn't hit me again. Taking advantage of his obvious state of intoxication, I managed to push him, to throw him to the floor with a thud.

“Stupid little girl...” He hissed, just when I was able to stand up. “You are going to pay for this!”

Josef pounced on me, ready to end everything, to kill me, to make me pay for having had to take care of me all those years. I, for the second time in my life, thought that it was the end, that it was the end of my disastrous life.

Just when his hands were about to make me gasp for breath, his gaze went from fury to bewilderment, relaxing his attempt to strangle me.

“Liza...” He murmured, as if he had heard something, as if someone had spoken to him. “Where are you?”

“What?” I asked, catching my breath.

Josef left the house like a wandering soul, looking for something that apparently only he was able to see.

“Yes... I will meet you,” the man said, walking towards the old estate, with a lost look.

It could have been a good opportunity to disappear from that place, but I didn't. Something strange was happening to Josef.

“Father?” I asked, trying in vain to put a hand on his shoulder, which he pushed away with a grunt.

“I'm coming, Liza…” He murmured again. “Yes, at the waterfall.”

“Waterfall?” I asked, scared by what that meant. “Father, wait…”

My attempt to stop him was even worse. He turned around, pushing me to the ground roughly. The only thing I could do was to watch as that man disappeared into the fog.

I sat under a tree, thinking about why I would want to save my father, who wasn't my father. I guess I was always stupid. I breathed relief and cried at the same time. For some reason, I knew I would never see him again.

When I raised my head from my knees, something scared me. A hand, a pale hand extended towards me. It was attached to a woman's body, dressed entirely in black, from head to toe, wearing a strange veil that hid her face.

The smell of her lavender and the softness of her hands were enough to know who I had in front of me. Donna.

I sobbed and used her hand to get up.

“It's all over, (Y/N)” a hoarse voice that came out of that veil whispered. It had nothing to do with that sweet voice from years ago. She was already a woman.

“What?” I said confused, blinking several times to make sure that what I was seeing was real, that Donna Beneviento, missing for years, was in front of me. “Donna… Is that you?”

The woman nodded slowly, moving away from my arm, which reached out toward her as if trying to fulfill a wish, something I had hoped to do for years.

“My God... Donna,” I sobbed, unable to contain all that torrent of feelings I felt when I saw her again, throwing myself into her arms. “It has been so long…”

She didn't hug me back, she just gasped in surprise, going completely still.

“(Y/N),” she whispered, again with that hoarse voice, forcing me to move away from her. I cried, I cried with emotion, with joy at seeing my only friend again.

“I thought... I thought you had... Oh, my goodness, Donna...” I stammered, remembering all the moments I had lived with her, all the laughter, the games, the teas with the Angie doll. My entire childhood was before my eyes.

“You're safe now,” she said, clearing her throat, with that same stoic pose, without making the slightest gesture to reflect that she was also happy to see me.

After a deep sigh, the woman in black turned around, ready to leave, to abandon me again. I couldn't allow it.

“Donna, wait, wait please,” I said, running after her, grabbing her arm. She stopped, but she didn't turn to look at me. “Please, please tell me, tell me what happened to you, why haven't you come to see me in all these years?”

She didn't respond, she just kept walking, slipping out of my grasp.

“Donna, please... Tell me what...” I said standing in front of her again. That horrible black veil made me shiver. “Why are you covering your face? What is that…?” I asked, taking one of my hands towards the woman in black.

I hissed in pain as her hand clamped down on my wrist, squeezing it too tightly.

“Donna, you're hurting me,” I protested, moving my hand away definitively. “My God, what happened to you? Josef told me that Mother Miranda….”

“Mother Miranda saved me,” the lady in black interrupted, releasing me, moving further away from me.

“What has she done to you, Donna? You don't seem like yourself...” I murmured, confused, surprised and disappointed at the same time.

“You know nothing about me” She said, now, turning around to turn her back on me again.

“You were my friend! My only friend!” I shouted, when she was far enough away.

“And you were mine, (Y/N)” she responded with a dark voice, looking at me over her shoulder.

“So what's going on? Why can't we just...? Wait...” I said, realizing something I had overlooked. Josef, I had forgotten about Josef. “What have you done to him? What have you done to my father?”

“He won't bother you anymore, (Y/N),” Donna responded, speaking naturally, ignoring what that statement implied. “Besides, he was never your father.”

“I... I don't... You don't...” I stammered. I was not old enough to take on all that stuff at once. Donna continued walking, disappearing again from my sight, from my life...

6 months ago…

12 years. 12 years have passed since the man who claimed to be my father disappeared. At first I didn't know what to do, how to act. I was too young to get out of there. I was too young to know what to do.

Donna didn't come back, I never heard from her again. I had two options: get out of there, escape from the village and never look back. The other one was... Different. My other option was to stay there, in that house, on those grounds. Alone, but free from Josef's yoke. I had no job, no family, and my only friend had built a huge wall between us.

In those 12 years I didn't see her, at least not physically. Sometimes, when I was trying to sleep, when I spent time tending the small orchard or the small garden that surrounded my house, I could feel a presence, as if someone was watching me.

I called her several times, knowing that it could only be her, that only Donna could be there. I never saw her, never, in 12 long years of loneliness.

I couldn't complain. I had a house, I could grow my food and I didn't lack the heat of the fire or the water from the old well. A sad, lonely life. Fortunately, I was already used to the crackling of the fire being my only company.

“Come on, come on...” I said grunting, holding the old wooden bookshelf I was trying to repair.

The house was falling apart, but I managed: I fixed cracks, covered windows... I was aware that this whole adventure would end the moment when, like in the story, someone blew and blew and my house would fell down. But it was not the time to accept reality, to assume that my life was never going to improve.

Every night, I struggled with the idea of ​​not continuing to suffer, of ending what would have no solution.

“Shit!” I screamed furiously, dropping the wooden shelf as I hit my finger with the hammer in a comical way. Everything on the shelf fell apart. “Great, great, (Y/N)…” I murmured, leaning my head against the wall, suppressing the urge to tear down the house with my own hands.

 “You keep it...” a familiar whisper made me open my eyes and turn around.

It was her, Donna, her black dress, her black veil, her dark figure before me after 12 years. I had to think if I was asleep or awake. Lady Beneviento remained still, behind me, holding the old doll that her father gave me on my seventh birthday.

“Donna...” I sighed confusedly, with my eyes wide open. “You…”

“What was his name?” She asked, making me shake my head and frown. 12 years old, Donna, 12 years old and all you're asking me what was the name of that stupid doll.

“It was Mr...” I murmured quietly, my hands shaking, not knowing how I was supposed to act seeing her again, just when I had assumed for years that Donna was nothing but a ghost from my past.

“Mr. Whiskers... Now I remember him. He was Angie's boyfriend,” she said, speaking with a tone that made me think she was smiling. 12 years and I couldn't even see her face.

“Yes... You remember it,” I said trembling, taking the doll from her hands, making the wooden limbs move to the rhythm of my trembling body.

“Yes, I remember when my father gave it to you. It was a funny birthday party,” the woman in black confirmed, walking towards the table where I used to eat. “I'm sure Angie would be happy to see him after so long.”

“Angie...” I sighed, shaking my head. I knew that Donna wasn't right in the head. I had known that since I was a little girl. I never gave it importance but... Hearing about Angie in that way, after so many years, from the mouth of an adult woman, made me stay alert.

“Don't worry, I left her at home, she won't bother you,” Donna murmured, sitting in the chair with a melancholic air around her.

“Donna, I...” I said, approaching, leaving Mr. Whiskers on the table. I still couldn't believe she was really there. “What are you doing here?”

“I want to talk to you, (Y/N)” she said with a soft tone, looking around her, observing the place where I lived.

“To me? After 12 years without talking to me, do you want to do it now?” I couldn't stop the fury from leaving my body. If only she knew how lonely I was all that time. At first I was sad, but later that feeling transformed into helplessness, and, over time, into apathy.

“I know it's been a long time and...” Donna started to say, but she was interrupted by my hand hitting the table hard, reminding me of that man who claimed to be my father.

“A long time? It was an eternity, Donna. Do you know how long I've wanted to see you again? Do you know how lonely I was after you locked yourself in that house? You were my only friend, and you abandoned me,” I said furiously.

“I don't...” She murmured, getting nervous, playing with the black fabric of her dress.

I took a deep breath and reached out to her face.

“What is this, huh? Why do you cover your face? What the hell are you…?” I asked while, after avoiding her attempts to stop me, I managed to remove the black cloth from her face, turning pale when I saw it. “Hiding…”

Donna stayed quiet, with a cold look on her face as I took in what she was seeing, shaking my head. The age was already evident on her face. Her features were no longer that of a girl, they were that of a woman... A beautiful woman, without a doubt, the most beautiful I had ever seen. She no longer had anything to do with that girl with whom I used to play hide and seek.

One horrible detail stood out from the rest of her features. That scar, that eye that was taken from her in an accident when she was barely 4 years old was no longer there, nor was there anything similar to that small scar.

A prominent, bulging abscess filled part of her face. I had never seen anything like it. But, although it was something horrible it was not so terrible as to hide or shadow her beauty in the slightest. Beauty? My loneliness was starting to take its toll on me.

“Gods...” I murmured, ignoring her incipient nervousness, her pathetic attempts to retrieve the veil from my hands. “Donna, what happened to you? Your face is…”

“Horrible, I know. Give it back to me,” she demanded, leaning over the table to reach her veil. I, still horrified and enthralled by her beauty, obeyed her, making her cover herself as quickly as she could.

“No, I...” I said, trying to fix the situation, wondering what terrible thing had happened. The answer was hidden in a dark corner of my mind. “It was her, right? Miranda did that to you.”

“You have no idea, (Y/N),” Donna hissed, adjusting her veil. “She…”

“Yes, she saved you. I already know that story,”  I said with a superb tone, sitting in front of her and crossing my arms.

“It's impossible for you to understand,” Donna said in a dark tone, revealing a small embarrassing sob.

“You're right, Donna. I don't understand you, I don't understand anything. I don't know what that woman did to you. I don't understand what you're doing here after so many years.”

“I want to talk to you,” she said, with her hands trembling on the table. My eyes couldn't stop looking at them, at those pale, soft hands, those hands that saved me from death years ago.

“What do you want to talk about? Are you going to tell me why you haven't deigned to appear here in more than ten years?” I asked, tears threatening to run down my cheeks.

“Now I’m a Lord. I serve Mother Miranda,” The lady in black explained, ignoring my questions. I shouldn't have been surprised.

“You mean you sold your soul to that witch,” I corrected, risking seeing Josef's attitude in her. I didn't want to. I didn't want to see her that way.

“I'm not trying to convince you to understand me, (Y/N),” Donna said in a calmer tone, shifting her gaze away from mine.

“So what do you want?” I asked immediately, suppressing the urge to kick the table and throw myself at her neck to demand answers.

“My new siblings think that someone like me needs a maid,” she explained without any problem, without hesitation. That phrase made me burn with rage and laugh mockingly.

“What?”

“I don't know anyone else and I had thought that...” She continued speaking, with a tremor in her voice, probably because of my attitude.

“I don't believe you, Donna. I don't think you're asking me... Do you want me to serve you? It can't be true...” I said with a sarcastic smile, with all my emotions fighting to come out.

“I don't want you to serve me, (Y/N),” she said. “That's just a formality.”

“A formality...” I repeated, increasingly confused. “I mean, you come after 12 years to talk to me, to ask me to be your maid or something... But you say it's just a formality... Donna... You better speak clearly before I lose my patience,” I said, perhaps taking too many freedoms. The idea that Donna Beneviento was now one of the four pillars that supported Miranda's dominance was terrifying, but not enough to overshadow how important she was in my life.

“I don't want to be alone,” she said with her head down, letting her words come out with a sigh, making my gaze stop being so cold. I recognized that tone, that sincere tone that I had heard before, a long time ago.

“You've been alone for a long time,” I said, trying not to lose the firmness of my attitude. “Me too.”

“That's why I want... I want you to come with me, to my house. I will no longer be alone and neither will you,” Donna said, pleading, sobbing almost desperately.

I shook my head, wondering if it was an idea to consider. She was my best friend, the only company I had when I was a child but... But for years she was nothing, not even a shadow, not even the presence that watched me secretly.

“No, Donna,” I answered, avoiding looking at her face, not knowing how much I could last without throwing myself into her arms and telling her how much I had missed her. “I'm sorry, but you will have to find another maid.”

“I want you to be my maid,” the woman in black sighed, angry at your response. At that moment I started to get a bit scared.

“I've already told you that... No. Look, it took me a long, long time to come to terms with the idea that you were no longer with me, that you no longer wanted my friendship. You can't come after so many years and ask me to live with you. I don't know what happened to you, I don't know what's wrong with your damn head to believe that after so much time, I'll still be waiting for you.”

“But, (Y/N)... Do you really prefer to stay here rather than come with me?” Donna asked, her voice broken by the crying I was not able to see behind the black fabric of her veil.

I nodded, letting the tears wet my skin.

“Yeah, this isn't so bad, you know?” I said cockily, getting up from the chair and extending my arms so that she could look at my house. “At least I have a roof, food and water. I don’t need anything else. I don't need your false compassion. I don't need you Donna... Not anymore. I wouldn't go with you even if the roof co...”

A loud creak, a tremor in the house, silenced me. The snowfall of the last few days had been difficult to control. I knew I had to do it, that I had to remove the snow from the roof but… For some reason, I didn't, and part of the roof collapsed behind me.

“Collapses...” I sighed stunned, putting my hands on my head. At that moment I realized that to deceive fate was impossible. We all have a path in life. And mine was hers, next to her.

“Will you come with me?” Donna asked, with her hand on her chest, scared by that noise. That collapse that was very timely for her, of course.

“Shit...” I whispered, shaking my head, squeezing my eyes very tightly, wanting to wake up from that nightmare. “I guess I have no choice.”

I packed everything I needed for several days and followed the mourning woman towards her house, towards the old house where I once laughed with her, when everything seemed easier.

“Hello, hello...” A shrill voice woke me up from the wave of memories that came to my mind when I entered that house. It couldn't be possible. The Angie doll stood up on its own. It almost gave me a heart attack.

“What the…?” I asked, surrounding the puppet, which followed me with its gaze. “No, it can't be... Is it a trick?”

I approached Donna, removing the veil from her face to look for the origin of that bad joke.

“What trick, stupid?” the doll asked, climbing into the arms of its owner.

Her lips didn't move like they used to when she was a child. She wasn't using her ventriloquism. Angie lived, it really lived...

5 months ago…

It was difficult, it was really difficult, but I ended up adapting to that house. That environment was so familiar and comforting. It helped me a lot. To say that I was a maid was an exaggeration. I barely cleaned or cooked. All I did was to be there, to keep Donna company.

At first everything was very cold. I felt unable to forgive her abandonment, her betrayal, but, little by little, we began to talk again, without resentment, with that black veil increasingly absent.

Having someone by your side was a feeling that I had already forgotten. Maybe that's why I started to feel things, things that I was ashamed of. I started to see Donna as a friend again. I started to want to get closer to her, to wait until it was time for dinner to stand in front of her in silence.

Without wanting to, I fell in love with her, without wanting to remember why I liked being with her so much, why I was waiting for her for so long.

“Oh, but the office joke was better...” I said amused, taking a sip from my glass of wine, enjoying a late-night chat. Wine, lavender, Donna. Nothing could make me happier at that moment.

“You mean when we put Angie under the desk?” Donna asked, amused, raising her legs to the sofa where you were lying.

“Exactly... It was fun,” I said with a mischievous look, feeling a strange heat on my cheeks. “Oh, wow, I think, I think I should stop drinking...”

“We're in no hurry, (Y/N),” Donna said, amused, pouring more red liquid into my glass and drinking hers.

“Drink, drink, silly,” Angie said, bringing the glass closer to my mouth. I nodded, taking a sip and putting it back on the table.

“They were good times...” I whispered, with nostalgia being the protagonist of my actions and words.

“Do you remember Mr. Tim?” Donna asked, settling down on the couch.

“Oh, yes, Mr. Tim...” I repeated, nodding with an amused look. “That was the merchant we scared away, right?”

She nodded, laughing sheepishly, embarrassed by her childhood pranks.

“You were a very convincing ghost, Donna. I couldn't sleep that night,” I commented amused, pretending to tell an unspeakable secret.

“You were a little girl, it's normal that you were scared...” The lady in black joked, nudging me. I stuck my tongue out at her mockingly, forgetting for a few hours who I was having fun with, the things I had seen, what she did to Josef...

“I was 7 years old, I wasn't that young,” I protested, pretending to be offended in a fun way. “What was that phrase…? I’m the ghost of the white sheets...”

“You better run if you don't want me to catch you...” Donna continued, faking that ghostly voice from that joke so far away in time.

“You were really scary,” I said with a smile, shaking my head.

“Do I scare you now?” She asked with an enigmatic tone, as if it were a trick question. I immediately shook my head.

“No,” I answered briefly, noticing how my smile was fading little by little.

“You must be the only one,” she murmured, finishing another glass of wine.

“Your doll scares me,” I said, trying to break that small moment of tension.

“Hey!” Angie protested, causing us to look at each other for a moment, before laughing exaggeratedly, probably due to the alcohol.

“I missed you so much, Donna,” I said, catching my breath. She looked at me and sighed, her smile growing weaker.

“Me too,” Donna whispered, with a voice so low that I had to get a little closer to hear it.

“I can't stop wondering why we are so far apart...”  I said, letting my mind speak for me, letting those words come out alone, demanding an explanation that I had needed for a long time.

“I didn't want to see anyone,” Donna said, leaving the glass on the table and looking away from you.

“Not even to see me?” I asked, with a bit of resentment.

“I didn't want... I didn't want to lose you too,” she admitted in a dark voice, getting closer to me. I let her do it, I wanted her to do it.

“You weren't going to lose me,” I said, getting closer to her, just a little closer.

“Well, the important thing is that now you are here, with me. We're together again,” the lady in black said with a serious tone, moving her hand to take mine, which I allowed, which made me close my eyes as I felt her soft skin caressing mine.

Our hands stayed together as our gazes met. I couldn't really say what I was feeling at that moment, but it was something, something that forced me to raise my other hand to her wounded cheek, making Donna start to tremble.

“I didn't remember...” She whispered, taking the hand that was caressing her cheek and holding it in place. “I didn't remember how good caresses felt.”

“I've thought so much about you...” I murmured, sobbing, with the heat of the wine running through my veins, with anything to stop me from confessing everything I wanted to tell her, what I was feeling at that moment.

“I thought about you too...” She said, approaching too.

I couldn't help it anymore, I just couldn't. My hands gently grabbed her face, bringing her closer to mine until my lips landed on hers. I spent a long time thinking about how it would feel to kiss someone. The actual feeling was much more incredible. I kissed her, I kissed Donna, I kissed her softly. I let my body act of its own will, enjoying the taste of the wine on her lips.

She didn't stop me, at least not at that moment. Her lips opened so that mine could continue acting, so there was no distance between us. A sigh, a gasp, that was her only response as we both continued to deepen the kiss, that first kiss that I didn't want to stop.

The salty taste of my tears joined the wine on her lips, creating a wet mixture that only grew closer and closer together. Donna moved her hands to my hair, pulling it gently, making clear that she didn't want to stop, that the heat that was slowly rising through our bodies was a sensation she didn't want to end. At least for a few minutes.

Suddenly, Donna pulled back, causing our mouths to part with a wet sound. I wish I hadn't opened my eyes, I wish I hadn't seen her scared look and her hands on my chest, preventing me from getting close again.

“What are you doing?” She asked, with her eye shining with fear, with anger, with a feeling that was incomprehensible to me.

“I... I...” I stammered, turning away from her immediately, with my face red with embarrassment, showing the mistake I had made, that we had made.

“Why did you do that!?” The lady in black shouted, mad, getting up from the sofa and covering her face with her hands.

“Donna, I'm, I'm sorry...” I said, fighting the feeling of heartbreak that overcame me, against the tears of humiliation that were beginning to soak my face.

“No, you can't...”Donna murmured confusedly, walking from one side to the other. She looked like at any moment she would lose her mind. “How dare you?!”

Screaming and crying inconsolably, she disappeared, leaving a dagger deeply stuck in my heart.

Days, weeks passed without hearing from Donna. After that kiss that she rejected, I never spoke to her again. The veil covered her face again, as if putting it as a barrier between my lips and hers. My soul was wounded, my heart broken.

The love I had begun to feel was just an illusion. I was stupid to fall in love with her, but it was too late. The idea of ​​leaving that place was more and more present in my head.

“Damn it,” I said furiously, kicking a chair, letting out the frustration I felt at losing Donna again, because of me. A terrible idea. “Ah! Shit!” I screamed, grabbing my sore foot from that unfair kick. “Fuck!”

“You always do those things...” A voice that was nothing but a whisper interrupted my ridiculous jumping. Donna appeared behind me, face uncovered and head bowed.

“What? Donna…” I said, awkwardly putting my foot back on the floor. The pain of the kick had nothing to do with what I felt when I saw her again, when I heard her voice coming from those lips that I could never kiss again.

“When you get angry, you always hit things,” she murmured, getting closer to me, playing with her hands.

“Yes, well I...” I said, realizing a curious detail. “Wait, how do you know that?”

“I've been watching you for a long time, (Y/N)...” She confessed, confirming my suspicions, the suspicions that there was someone stalking me. “I... I went to your house and looked at you.”

“You were looking at me,” I repeated, blinking in disbelief.

“I wanted to know, I wanted to know what you were like...” The lady said, getting closer and closer, making my body tremble again. “If the idea I had about you was true.”

“The idea?” I asked, noticing how her hands grabbed my waist, pulling my body.

“I love you, (Y/N),” she said whispering in my ear, making me turn away confused. “I have been loving you for a long time…”

“So…. Donna, why did you reject me?” I asked, crying, this time, with joy.

“I... I don't know how to control my emotions... I was afraid that you wouldn't...”

I didn't let her finish. My lips collided with hers again, letting myself go, grabbing her head so that this time she wouldn't dare to move away. She wouldn't do it, ever again.

No more words were needed, just kisses, just whispers, caresses...

That night my world changed, that night when I didn't stop loving her, when the desire that lived inside us was able to come out. Kisses, caresses, hugs, moans... It happened that night, the night in which we both lost our innocence, the night in which we showed that love can beat everything, even the passage of time, even our two hearts, that didn't know how to love until that night.

Two days ago…

Everything was perfect. The relationship we had was wonderful. There were so many things to discover, so much love to give, to receive. Nothing could go better in my life, and in hers. But fortune didn't last in a poor man's house, or so they used to say.

It was an ordinary afternoon, in which I was dedicated to tidying up the disastrous garden outside the house.

“Ah...” I protested when I felt a puncture in my chest, a very painful one.

I tried to continue taking care of the flowers, but the pain became more and more intense, unbearable.

“Donna!” I screamed, kneeling on the ground, noticing how something was beating inside my chest, something that was not my heart. “Donna!”

That was the last thing I could scream before my vision blurred. Then there was only darkness.

“(Y/N), tesoro, please wake up...” A soft whisper made me open one of my eyes. Her dark figure was sitting next to me, squeezing my hand. I felt comfortable, I was in bed.

“Donna...” I said with a dry throat, moving my hand towards a glass of water that was resting on the table. “Water…”

Donna wasted no time, feeding me the drink lovingly.

“What happened to me?” I asked, swallowing all the water, feeling an annoying burning in my chest.

Donna opened her mouth to say something, but she didn't, she simply lowered her head and stood up to grab something from her dresser, a mirror. Without saying anything, embarrassed or scared by something, she sat next to me on the bed again, placing the mirror in a way that allowed me to look at myself.

What I saw almost made me faint. My torso was bare, covered in horrible black veins that ran up to my neck. Where the top of one of my breasts should have been, there was now a dark, throbbing, black lump. I shook my head, touching it. My scar was gone. My chest was far from what it was.

“What is this? What is this?!” I screamed horrified, nervous. Donna didn't respond, she continued to avoid my gaze. “Gods… No, it can't be…”

“You had it when I found you unconscious in the garden. I wanted you to see it before I heal you,” Donna said with a terribly low voice, giving away that she was hiding something with the sweat that glistened on her forehead.

“What is this? What is happening to me? Donna, tell me what this is,”  I said nervously, moving the mirror away so I couldn't look at that horrible deformity.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N),” she whispered, taking my trembling hand. I pushed it away, thinking she had something to do with it.

“What have you done to me?” I asked with dark eyes, roughly grabbing her chin so that she couldn't look away from me. “You… It was you, right?”

“It wasn't me! She screamed defending herself, pushing my hand away from her face, sobbing nervously.

“Tell me what the hell is going on, Donna...” I hissed, getting up from the bed with a dangerous look.

“No, I don't know... No, you shouldn't...” She stammered, scared by my reaction. “It's not possible.”

“What?” I asked, controlling the tone of my voice before the imminent appearance of a terrible crisis.

“What, what you have is... It's...”

“What is it, Donna?” I asked, tired of her babbling.

“You have, you have a Cadou,” the lady in black said, turning away from me, cowering away from my irascible attitude.

“A Cadou? What's that?” I asked calmer, fighting against the anger and the burning in my chest.

“A, a Cadou is a parasite that... Oh, Gods... Why do you have one?”

“Donna, my love...” I said nervously “You have to speak clearly to me, do you understand? Explain it to me.”

She nodded nervously, letting my hand caress hers as I sat back down on the bed.

“The Cadou is the gift that Mother Miranda gives us. We, the Lords... We all have one. She implanted it in us. That's why Angie can move, why my face looks that way. It's... It's...”

“Okay...” I sighed, running my hand over my forehead. “But how?”

“I don't know... If I knew I would tell you but... I'm sorry, (Y/N). I never told you about it because, because I thought you'd be scared.”

I ran my hand over my now deformed chest, trying to remember how something like this could have happened to me. Suddenly it hit me, like a providential revelation. That black lump was not in any place on my chest. I had come out right where I had that strange scar, the scar I got the day I explored that strange cave.

That was the moment when Miranda acted, that was the reason for that sinister laugh when the priestess looked at me the day she brought Donna.

“What will happen to me?” I asked, letting all the emotions come out through a sigh.

“I don't know, tesoro... I... Let me heal that wound and... I don't know what we could do...” Donna said stuttering, running a hand over my cheek wet with tears of helplessness.

I let Donna heal me in silence, let her bandage my horrible chest, hiding that black thing, that horrible thing. My mind wandered to possible causes and consequences. It didn't look good. The sting was terrible, was I going to die? No, I couldn't think about that.

I spent my 28 years practically alone, without anyone, with an abusive father, with a friend who disappeared to return years later, to become my beloved. After years of loneliness, I had finally found my place, the place where I wanted to belong: Next to Donna, telling her every day that I love her, not wanting to live without her kisses.

A feeling of anger coursed through my nerves, making the most dangerous option cloud my senses.

“I'm going to face her,” I hissed through clenched teeth when Donna finished bandaging me. She gasped, shaking her head. “I want to know why she did it.”

“No, you can't, (Y/N). Miranda's wishes cannot be questioned.”

“Do you also have blind faith in her?” I asked with venom in my voice, narrowing my eyes at the woman in black, who shook her head.

“It's not that, (Y/N). She, she will kill you...” Donna murmured, kissing me on the lips, trying to make me reason, something that was difficult at that point.

“I don't... I can't... I have, I have to do something or...” I said confused, with my temples throbbing and the sting clouding my senses.

“No, nothing will happen to you, (Y/N). I'm going to take care of you... I promise.”

2 hours ago…

I began to think about my situation. My chest hurt, it burned, but at least I was still alive. Donna took care of me. She gave me her love every day, every hour. But that... That was no longer enough for my wounded soul. I had suffered so much. I had had so many misfortunes in my life that I began to think that it was my fate, that I could no longer believe that I could be happy.

I turned in bed, where Donna was resting next to me. My hand gently reached out to caress her soft skin, causing her to stir, but not wake up. I smiled tenderly and bit my lip, suppressing the sadness I felt at having made that terrible decision.

“Donna, my love... Forgive me... I have to do it,” I whispered quietly so as not to wake her, approaching her lips, giving her a soft kiss, just for a few seconds, surely the last kiss I would give in my entire life. .

She growled adorably, reaching for her hand towards my body, trying to keep me from separating from her. Her hand losing contact with mine as I stood up was the worst moment of my life.

Covering my mouth so as not to cry, I left the room, getting dressed and taking one last look at what, for a few months, had been my home, my family.

I went out into the cold of the night, searching, wishing that black and gold shadow would loom over me, that it would finish me off, or that it would give me the answers I was looking for. That didn't happen until, after walking for a while, I managed to reach that cave, the cave where, when I was 8 years old, I was a victim of that witch.

“Miranda!” I screamed with all my might, without devotion, without love, with hatred, with anger. The echo of my voice bounced off the walls, where those black trees twisted, as if they had heard my words.

“Oh, (Y/N), what a surprise,” a velvety voice came out of nowhere, Miranda, smiling, without that horrible mask, gesturing for me to follow her.

My fists were clenched tightly, but my common sense told me that I should listen to him.

I followed her, I followed her thinking of a thousand ways to put an end to her, I followed her to a kind of underground cathedral. I remembered that place, Donna had told me about it. It was where they met.

“Why?” I asked when the priestess stopped, looking at me with bright eyes, eyes that were like daggers in my chest.

“What have I done?” She asked sardonically, enjoying my confusion and my anger.

“This!” I shouted, undoing the bandage and showing her the deformity of my torso, which she looked at with a look of satisfaction.

“I see... So it's finally deigned to come out...” She murmured, approaching me like a current of icy air, of cutting wind.

“Why?” I asked again.

“Oh, shut up, your questions are bothering me, (Y/N)...” The witch said, touching the lump on your chest contemptuously.

“You're a bitch,” I said hissing, growling, and putting my life at risk.

“How rude you are... It seems that you have grown up alone, mm? Has no one taught you manners? I was hoping that Donna would have spent her time teaching you how to be a person of worth, but I see that the only thing she's taught you is how to make her happy in bed, right?”

“Shut up!” I screamed, pushing the woman by her chest, pushing her away from me.

“You're playing with my patience, (Y/N)... Don't be dramatic. After all, you are of no use to me,” she whispered, circling around me like a scavenger bird. “What a pity. When I saw that little girl sneak into the cave I thought: why not? Surely the Cadou acts wonderfully with someone so young... But, it seems that I was wrong about you...”

“What are you taking about?” I asked, feeling weaker with every passing second.

“Please, (Y/N). I can't speak more clearly. I put some hope in you but... I'm afraid you are another failure.”

“What?” My voice sounded weaker and weaker.

“A failed experiment if you prefer that way. After so many years  Cadou has not been able to fully develop. A shame.”

“I'm not an experiment, I'm a person,” I said, without taking into account the consequences.

“Yes, yes, that's what everyone says... But hey, you're lucky, maybe you won't die,” Miranda said, opening her eyes in a sinister way. “You might live long enough to die of old age next to crazy Donna, isn't that wonderful?”

“Don't insult her,” I growled furiously. Oh no, not Donna.

“Are you threatening me? How daring...”  Miranda laughed, amused by my obvious weakness.

My hand searched in my skirt pocket, looked for the knife I took from home, the knife with which I planned to kill her. What a stupid thing.

“I'll kill you!” I screamed, lunging at the blonde, who made no effort to dodge my attack, which went straight to her chest.

The knife went deep into her skin, but she didn't bleed, the bitch didn't bleed. Miranda just pulled the gun from her body and laughed out loud.

“Stupid girl...” She murmured, shaking her head. “How easy it would have been for you to be nice to me…”

I couldn't speak, I couldn't move. I was scared to death. I was going to die, but deep down, I already knew it.

“But you know what? I think you and Donna make an adorable couple... At least with someone next to her she won't lose her mind completely,” the priestess said amused, playing with the knife in her hand. “You caught me in a good mood, (Y/N).”

A freezing cold passed over my shoulder as her golden claws dug into it, wetting the fabric of my blouse with five thin threads of blood.

“I offer you a deal,” she hissed in my ear, causing me to shiver. “You can go with Donna and live happily if…”

“If?” I said trembling, closing my eyes, waiting for the final blow.

“If you can survive...” Miranda murmured moments before a horrible pain crossed my stomach.

I gasped and looked down. The same knife I intended to kill Miranda with was now stuck in my body, causing me overwhelming pain, causing me to fall to the ground, curling in on myself.

“Oh, come on, it's not that big of a deal... I've been pious,” the priestess mocked.

With what little strength I had, I reached out with my blood-covered hand to grab her clothes, pulling at them with ridiculous force. She kicked it away unpleasantly.

“I'll let Donna know. I think she will arrive in about… 20 minutes,” the blonde said, walking slowly, further and further away from my erratic movements due to the pain. “If you are alive when she arrives, she will have no difficulty healing you. I will not kill you. If you die... Well, I guess we'll leave it in the hands of fate, right?”

The sound of her steps was camouflaged with her laughter, leaving me badly injured, alone, writhing in pain.

And here, on the cold stone floor, contemplating the full moon, I finish remembering how I had gotten there. My life does not pass before my eyes. Donna is the only thing I can see. Her kisses are the only thing I feel on my skin, her whispers are the only thing I hear.

The full moon is horrible if I remember her beauty, her smile. All I can do is think about her. I have no intention of fighting, of calming my pain. I had asked for it and just as Miranda said: it had to be left in the hands of fate.

Deep down I feel the need to scream for her, for her to hurry up and heal me. But the memories that I’m able to evoke tell me that there was never the slightest possibility that I, that we, could be happy. A painful truth that only now, on the verge of death, I’m able to accept.

I close my eyes, feeling my body go numb. I remember hearing Donna's parents talk about a local legend that said that if you died in the village, you wouldn't die completely. But they, they died. They didn't take care of her daughter from a distance. I guess that's what happens when you're about to die, I guess the comfort of a legend that says your soul will live on is normal when you start seeing the light.

For me there is neither heaven nor hell. There is no heaven without Donna, there is no hell without Miranda. I have nothing left and nothing I leave behind. Only one woman, only the only woman I have ever loved.

“(Y/N)!” A scream brings me out of the review of my sins, from my breathing becoming weaker and weaker. It is a strident, desperate scream.

I turned my head so that the moonlight didn't look like the light I should follow. Just a bit more, I have to know whose voice it is. But my body is weak, it is getting weaker. I feel how death is calling me. I feel that this voice is becoming more and more like a whisper...

“Ah!” I scream when I wake up. As if it were a nightmare, I see myself in my bed, in our bed. My chest hurts, my stomach hurts. My whole body is numb, as if I have been sedated.

When I look forward, I see a black lump above my legs and the sensation of breathing on them begins to tickle. It couldn't be possible, but apparently, I'm back home and Donna… Donna is lying asleep on my lap.

I touch my body to check that I haven't died, that the wounds are still there. They are there, hidden by bandages, but they are there. I haven't died, I'm alive, I'm with Donna. I'm in Heaven, my Heaven.

[andyourhostkristenwiig]

Kristen Wiig attends the premiere of “Palm Royale” - March 14, 2024

[fedoraspooky]

I haven’t been here long. What irritating changes have been made?

Credit where it's due, some changes have been good, like polls and stuff! But the big recent changes thus far that I would classify as irritating are:

- The UI change. This one may be less irritating for newcomers because it's basically the same layout as twitter and instagram, but for a lot of folks who've been here a long time, it feels cramped and like a loss of identity for the site. For many, the appeal of tumblr is that it ISN'T an algorithm hell like twitter or insta. Also, there's the annoyance of having to relearn where everything is, because it all got moved around.

- The users being lab rats for various tests the devs wanna pull out of nowhere without consenting to beta testing new site features- like the one that took away user icons on the dash for like half the site. They finally put them back after getting enough feedback that said NO, but users were so used to their feedback being disregarded that they were half expecting the change to be pushed through anyway.

- The Netflix tie-in advertising being pushed even to people who had PAID tumblr for a no-ads experience. Complete with them somehow thinking it would be a good idea to put an unescapable-by-scrolling spooky clown on peoples' dashboards that u had to use ublock to get rid of. While I'm not scared of clowns and often find them quite charming, it sucks that staff didn't take coulrophobia being a common fear into account.

- A wave of fully sfw trans posts being wrongfully marked Mature and staff doing little to nothing about it. Not sure if this is still ongoing, but it destroyed a lot of trust and good will. (LGBT+ users have been having to fight a constant war against censorship ever since the adult content ban on tumblr, so yeah... Nevar 4get the list of banned search words that would bring back no results, like 'girl')

- The site gradually moving away from customization. Tumblr is a BLOGGING site. But it seems to have lost sight of that fact, because most new users don't even know you can fully customize your blogs with css and stuff (an option that is now off by default for new accounts!), because of the in-dash viewer giving you only how blogs look on mobile, which is a lot more uniform. There, it's more like every other site- you get a banner and icon. Oh, but you can change colors and fonts from a drop-down list too, that's cool I guess. Though they recently took away custom color schemes on Message windows, just another little bit of personalization taken away.

- TUMBLR. LIVE. Basically tumblr teamed up with a skeevy dating app partner to allow for livestreams- but not the cool kinda livestreams like on twitch where you can draw or play games, no- to a site full of people who value anonymity, they decided to push phone cam only livestreams. Not only that but by agreeing to the terms, you're giving out tons of personal data including your location to said skeevy dating app partner and all of THEIR third-party ad partners. Needless to say, most people didn't wanna use it, so instead of users it's flooded by p*rn bots (which is ANOTHER issue we've been dealing with for a long time and have been getting an even bigger influx of FROM tumblr live) and scammers. And thus, since tumblr likes to put a carousel of current streams on people's dashes, you often get softcore p*rn thumbnails from the bot streams with no way to avoid it except for toggling off tumblr live entirely.

- Oh wait. That's right. You CAN'T toggle it off. Because you can only snooze it for a while until BAM, you're jumpscared by a carousel of ladies licking your screen again! But hey, at least they made the snooze 30 days instead of the 7 it used to be, right? Yeah, except for the fact that you can't get rid of the tumblr live button itself on the app anymore, and now it's front and center with a NEW notification tag on it, overlapping your dash and cramming useful stuff like the search button out of the way.

NOW- A lot of this stuff CAN be at least mostly fixed on desktop by installing ublock and xkit and tampermonkey + dashboard unfucker... But that's a lot of stuff just to make the site usable, you know?

[maulfucker]

they weren't lying that likes to reblogs ratio in fanarts is insane (awful)

[strangesickness]

losers playing ttrpgs... losers playing ttrpgs save me...

mike is running a multi-year homebrew ttrpg campaign that is basically just a combination of any rulebook the losers can get their hands on + anything they come up with. i know it to be true. the campaign started as a call of cuthulu campaign but it is now a terrifying mix of call of cuthulu, dungeons & dragons, and cyberpunk with elements from a dozen other games including star wars: the roleplaying game, warhammer, harnmaster and somehow alma mater(??? idk how. but i know this happened). richie was like. "mike man, i love you forever, you're great at this. but why don't i have magic powers?" and he pointed at ben's collection of d&d rulebooks he'd been browsing through and he sounded so earnest and excited that mike knew in that moment he was going to sacrifice the integrity of his cool mystery campaign so richie could cast vicious mockery (99% sure vicious mockery didn't exist yet... don't quote me on that but it doesn't matter because the idea of richie using it constantly is hilarious)

they've all been playing the same characters for years and they keep convincing mike to add more stuff so they're all like super powerful and mike keeps having to come up with more and more powerful enemies.

mike's dice collection is so so so cool he has so many dice, and whenever he introduces a new important character he goes out and gets dice that fit their theme and it is such a moneysink but it's worth it because ooooh pretty dice

after four occasions where the losers decided to adopt a random npc mike hadn't planned anything for, mike has started planning every single npc out down to the specifics of their childhood education. he has endless character sheets hanging out in his room with characters he's created that populate his game world.

okay hanbrough agenda time: bill is the most oblivious guy in the entire world. i know this. (he is the guy who looks at brokeback mountain and goes "what do you mean it was gay? why can't men be friends anymore?" this is based on that one passage at the beginning of the book where he goes on one of those "why can't the curtains just be blue because they're fucking blue" rants lol. he does not know what media literacy is. to me) and mike is. increasingly frustrated and feels like he's losing his mind. he is like head in hands because he asked bill to go to prom with him and bill was like "yeah sure man! sounds great, you're my bestie forever!", and he has no idea what to do, because how is this man this dense, so he just starts having all of his NPCs fall head over heels for bill's character and flirt like madmen. it is painful for everyone involved. except bill. who still has no idea what is going on. that is a very unfortunate month.

mike and ben hang out a lot and ben helps mike brainstorm for the campaign so ben has all this insider knowledge and mike will just look at him before something insane happens in the campaign. they'll like make eye contact and ben will be like holy shit holy shit holy shit :0 and mike just drops some insane new lore. it's very special to me.

[yotd2009]

.

[girlwiththegreenhat]

you ever hate on something you've never played/watched/read for what are still moderately good reasons given the circumstances, and then decide to go and play/watch/read the thing just to be fair. just to give it a chance

and then you were not only Right but its Worse Somehow and you're actually just more pissed off now

[watercolor-hearts]

.

[neonpinksnake]

Yesterday I deleted my blog and I kinda miss it now :(((( I know I can get back but I have my reasons to delete it (<- a thought got into my head and couldn't find a specific post I don't even remember if it exists but I couldn't leave my phone until I find it. Therefore I deleted my blog cause I was getting stuck for too long)