#I haven’t been pursuing my adhd diagnosis and it’s times like this that remind me I should

[fitgothgirl]

Blahhhhh need dopamineeeee I cannot moveeeeeeeee

[actuallyadhd]

Hi! I strongly suspect I have ADHD (have a lot of hyperactivity, social issues, and emotional regulation issues, family history of ADHD, etc) but I also have what seem to be symptoms of other conditions. I know that it could be a comorbid disorder, or even ADHD presenting itself unusually (ex. overcompensating for impulsivity by being extremely organized and structured), but it’s enough to plant the seed of doubt, and I haven’t pursued a diagnosis. I guess I’m worried that there’s really nothing “wrong” with me and just need to work harder, even though I know that line of thought isn’t helpful. I’ve thought a lot more about talking with my family and doctor, but I just haven’t been able been able to bring myself to do it. Do you have any advice for starting a diagnosis process when you’re anxious about the outcome?

Sent February 9, 2021

Remind yourself that you are having problems no matter the cause, and once you know what’s behind those difficulties you’ll be way closer to being able to deal with them effectively. A lot of ADHDers overcompensate for their symptoms in the way you describe; I had a roommate (before I was diagnosed) who had comorbid OCD, and I was well on my way to developing an anxiety disorder when I was diagnosed. I overcompensated by being over-prepared for everything in my public life (once I was out with a friend and one of the other people with us got food stuck in his teeth... and I had dental floss in my pocket), but at home I was a mess--literally.

I think that for a lot of us, we end up working harder instead of smarter because we really don’t know any other way. So we expend a LOT of energy trying to achieve what we know we should be able to achieve, trying to shoehorn ourselves into NT methods for organization, time management, socializing, and so on. Having the label makes it easier to find ADHD-friendly ways to manage these important aspects of our lives, so that we don’t have to use up all of our energy trying to do things the NT way and can instead have energy left for fun stuff while still doing what we need to do.

Write down all of the things you find really hard. Why are they hard? What would you be able to do with your life if those things were easier for you, because you found ways to make them fit you instead of constantly trying to make yourself fit them?

You are worth the effort it is going to take to find out what’s going on and to find solutions that work for you. There is nothing you need to do to make you worthy of getting a diagnosis and accessing the help you need.

When you have that list of hard stuff, take it to your doctor. Tell them all of the things you’re struggling with, and tell them that you’d like to be referred for an assessment, so you can find out what’s going on and get the help you need. If you need your parents to help you access your doctor, do this with them first. You don’t need to mention ADHD at all in these conversations, you just need to make your struggles clear (in practical terms, like “I’m always late for my first class at school, even if I get to the building on time”) and emphasize that you want to know what’s going on so you can access appropriate treatment/resources.

Followers, do you have any advice here?

-J

[nulfaga]

real mental illness hours who up. ive been thinking abt pursuing a diagnosis of adhd for a couple of years and rn im thinking i might go on and do it bc i might crash and burn if i dont get some form of support. the only thing is im like, what if theyre like “no this is just part of ur autism you silly bitch” or they just wanna draw up schedules with me and help me write sticky note reminders as if i haven’t been trying that shit for 10+ years like.......i dont wanna waste my time energy and money, im just thinking abt the potential benefits vs the drawbacks..

[jessgartner]

2020 Life Olympics

The real Olympics may have been canceled in 2020 but the Life Olympics persevered like the postal service of Olympics. 

First, I’d like to apologize for my role in the chaos of 2020 because I think I had a slight miscommunication with the powers that be and I feel partly responsible. Here was my plan for 2020: 

My theme for 2020 is Intention because I want to take the energy I feel right now and deploy it with more intentionality next year - bringing increased mindfulness to how I spend my time, money, physical and mental energy. And because I love wordplay, I also literally want to spend more time camping “in-tent” to enjoy more peace and quiet and beauty in nature.

The universe was like, “Oh, she wants to spend less money and more time outside? Well, shut it down. Shut the whole planet down.”

I mean, mission accomplished, I guess? I did spend less money and more time outside and had to be VERY intentional with my mental energy to survive the day-to-day morass of 2020. Next time, I will be more specific with my annual manifestations. Sorry to all. 

2020 was brutal for pretty much everything and everyone. I don’t know anyone who isn’t in some state of grief right now, including myself. I debated doing a Life Olympics at all this year, feeling like-- what is the point? Hundreds of thousands of people died, our democracy is hanging on by a thread, and millions of people lost jobs, businesses, and homes. 

Like many people, I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression this year which intensified as it got darker and colder outside. At a low point, I talked with my therapist about the struggle of just not wanting to do any of the things that usually bring me joy-- and how periods of relief were so fleeting. “But you have to keep doing those things,” she said, “even if they’re not working right now, you have to keep doing those things and trust the process; the joy will return.” 

So even though I don’t really feel like it and kind of feel like it’s dumb, I’m writing the 2020 Life Olympics. I’m trusting the process.

2020 Life Olympics Recap

Work - Participation Trophy

Starting a company is hard, operating a company is harder, but running a company during a global pandemic and economic crisis is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. 2020 was not a fun year to lead a business; it was hell. On March 15, the plan for the year pretty much went out the window and everything went into survival mode. I never take the company or my team for granted, but I’m particularly grateful to be able to usher this work into 2021.

Despite the craziness, we still had some big wins this year. We launched new product partnerships with PowerSchool and Amazon Business. We rebuilt our tool for equitably calculating district funding formulas. And I got to flex my creative muscles with EdFinToks! Throughout it all, I was lucky enough to be surrounded by a team of people who are as compassionate as they are talented. 

I’m worried about public education more than ever after this year, but I’m going to keep fighting every day to make it work better for kids. 

This is Work-Lite but I also spent a good chunk of time this year leading the modernization workgroup for Bill Henry’s transition committee after his spring primary election to become the new Baltimore City Comptroller, ousting a 25-year incumbent, Joan Pratt. This was an enlightening (and infuriating) experience for me that gave me a glimpse into the operations of a segment of the City government. This process also really helped crystallize how much I enjoy making public agencies function more efficiently; I’m excited to see what Bill does with the recommendations (some are already being put in action!)

Health - Gold 

This is the second year in a row (and ever) that I’m giving myself a Gold medal for Health. This was easily a year that I could have regressed on all of my healthy habits and no one would have blamed me. Instead, I leaned into protecting and improving my physical and mental health in 2020. It’s not an exaggeration to say that walking probably saved my life this year. I spent a lot of time walking around my neighborhood and various state and city parks-- walking is maybe not the best word; I stomp and charge around like I have a score to settle with the ground beneath me. My walking increased 370% in 2020. This is a habit of 2020 that I’d like to keep. My brain and body are happier if I can spend a little time walking-- stomping-- around outside each day. 

I also did a lot of biking this summer. My cycling increased 200% this year-- with much more time spent cycling outdoors. My crowning achievement this year was biking to and from Annapolis:

I spent a LOT more time outside this year which was critical for my mental health. On the downside, I only did 90% as much yoga and 60% as much strength training, so I want to try to be a little more balanced next year. 

I also invested a lot in my mental health this year. I kept up with therapy every 2-4 weeks and in October I decided to pursue a formal diagnosis for ADHD which I definitely have! Needless to say, staying in one place this year has been a special kind of hell for me. 

Home - Silver

Well, I definitely spent less money this year. And the way I did spend money made me (mostly) sad: 

Travel down 70% 

Auto & Transportation up 200% (boo cars)

Shopping down 60%

Personal Care down 35% 

Gifts and donations up 200% 

Food and Dining down 40%

Entertainment down 35% (I kept up my singing lessons virtually which accounts for a lot of this category) 

2020 was quite the palate cleanser from my 2019 year of hedonism but maybe we can go for a happy medium in 2021? Just kidding-- I will resume my hedonist ways the minute the world opens. 

I also redid my home office like every other work-from-homer on the planet and replaced my crumbling kitchen floor so the house got some TLC. 

But nobody enjoyed having me home all year as much as Darwin:

Relationships - Bronze

What a weird year for relationships of all kinds. I’m giving this a Bronze because while I invested a lot into a few relationships this year, there are also a lot of people in my life to whom I haven’t been able to give my time and love. 

One of the most important relationships in my life this year was with one of my former students. After bouncing around in the foster system for many years, we reconnected around the holidays in 2019 and he started crashing with me while we tried to figure out stable housing and employment. He was arrested in January and was incarcerated for the next several months awaiting trial. Finally, we were able to negotiate a plea agreement with the State’s Attorney and he came home around Independence Day. We spent the next several months getting him set up with a phone and various identification documents-- a nightmare in normal times and a total abyss during the pandemic. I got him registered to vote when we got his ID card and I took him to vote for the first time (a supreme treat for this former social studies teacher):

He’s now got a full-time job and stable living situation. Calling this THE success of 2020. Thank you to everyone who helped me with resources all year for housing, legal processes, and documents. It takes a village. 

It was a bizarre year for family. We lost my grandmother in September, so not being able to spend the holidays together felt like an especially cruel loss. Other big losses this year include a trip to France to celebrate a milestone birthday for my mother and my brother and sister-in-law’s wedding (Mosby seemed pretty ok with the alternative plan, though):

But in many ways, my family has been more together than ever this year thanks to prolific group chats and photo-sharing. Mostly, I’m just glad everyone else is safe and healthy. As my father often reminds me, “Our problems are small.” 

And dating? What to do with this weird Jane-Austen-esque dating scene-- as if modern dating weren’t fraught enough. Is this the universe punishing me for ending my 2019 dating hiatus early? I, for one, have given up. You win this one, pandemic. I’m just going to have my little Twitter crush and call it a year. Next year, though...

Horizons - Silver Gold 

You know what? It’s hard to expand your horizons without people or places. 

I did the best I could. I finally got back on track with my Goodreads challenge and actually had a really good year of reading, including finally embracing audiobooks through my Libro.fm subscriptions. I especially enjoyed Michelle Obama’s book Becoming and Mike Birbiglia’s The New One on audio-- both narrated by their authors. 

I camped in Pocomoke (MD), Western MD, Lake Michigan, and Ohiopyle (PA):

I explored over 30 new hiking/biking trails-- some favorites including the Youghiegheny River trail in PA, the NCR trail, Catoctin Mountain, the C&O Canal Towpath, Annapolis Rock, and of course, Stoney Run in my backyard. 

I left Facebook and started the Life Olympics newsletter. I’ll be honest, I don’t miss Facebook but I also don’t understand where that energy, time, and brain space went. I was spending cumulatively hours a day mindlessly scrolling Facebook and I quit cold turkey and barely noticed-- what black hole of our brains does social media occupy? I kind of thought that with all that extra time I would write the next great American novel or something. I’m probably spending a little more time on Twitter, which I could stand to cut back on. Other than that, I think I was just trying to process the shitstorm of this year. Maybe I’ll write the next great American novel post-pandemic. 

For the first time in my life, I feel somewhat ‘caught up’ on pop-culture. I finally watched Parks and Recreation (twice); I watched The Mandalorian and finally actually watched Star Wars (episodes IV-IX); I watched the final seasons of The Good Place and Schitt’s Creek; I’m caught up on Insecure; I watched The Prom and Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom and Jingle Jangle; I even started Bridgerton. I know what everyone is talking about and I’m catching so many more pop-culture references these days. (I guess instead of writing the next great American novel I watched Netflix?)

2020 Lessons

I’ve spent plenty of time mourning the missed opportunities of 2020 and will probably always wonder what this year could have been in an alternate universe with a functioning government. But we only have this reality for now, and we made the best of it. 

I wanted to slow down in 2020, try to be more intentional, more mindful, and...

No thank you! I liked the pace of my life; it makes my brain and heart happy. I’m happiest when I wake up in a different city three days in a row. I like darting around every borough of Manhattan for nine meetings and three cocktails and then taking a red-eye to Europe. I want to run around to eight conferences for 18-hours a day for three weeks and then sleep for 22 hours. I miss overloading my brain so much that I need a deprivation chamber to sleep. This is who I am. This is how I like to live. And when I was locked down alone in the house for a year, slowing down, being mindful, I never once thought, “I should have... when I had the chance.” Because I always did. And I always will. 

2021

We shake with joy, we shake with grief.

What a time they have, these two housed as they are in the same body.

Mary Oliver

We’ve had enough grief. 2021 is going to be all about joy.

Universe, let me be clear: this is not a euphemism or code or secret signal.

I want pure, unadulterated, abundant, joy. I want multi-course dinners in restaurants with lots of close friends and good wine. I want the virus so far gone that I can make-out with handsome strangers. I want a rollicking good time in France and/or Brazil and/or Prague and/or New Zealand and/or Bali. I want to spend the day after Christmas in NYC with my father. I want to be a glutton for theatre and art and music. I want celebrations and parties and sequins. 

I want to shake with joy. 

If you’d like to receive the (shorter) monthly Life Olympics, subscribe here. 

[mentalhealthsessionswithmarc]

The Only Boundaries Are The Ones You Set.

So today I am doing something a little offbeat, but still very important to recognize. A lot of the time, when you have a mental illness it seems that in a way, your life is based around it. Whether it be remembering when to take pills, going to therapy, doctor’s appointments, reminding yourself how to do deal with everyday life...it seems there is no escape. Your day is planned around your affliction. I remember my frustration was how many medications I was on. I would always say, “I’m tired of taking all these damn pills! I got pills for my pills. I got pills I have to take 3 times a day. I’m tired of my life being based around these pills! It seems like all I do. Take a pill here, take a pill there, remember which pill I have to take and when I have to take it. I remember when I didn’t need any pills. Marc didn’t used to have any pills. Only pills I ever took were vitamins and I was just fine!” It’s this mentality that we build up over time that dims the light on the reality we actually have. I mean, still having to take what I feel is an enormous amount of medications is still a bit frustrating at times, especially since I haven’t had any reactions or symptoms in several months. What we are doing when engaging in said train of thought, we are training ourselves to believe that we have no life beyond what a person with mental illness “should have”. That’s the thing. There are no limits to what a person with mental illness can do. The only limits are the ones we put on ourselves. No one thinks of this, but some very important people, people that we all have looked up to, suffer from illnesses similar to our own. Sometimes it’s much worse. 

Think of who we see as idols. They too are not perfect people. There have been a couple examples in recent times I can think of where It became known that they too had human conditions. Chester Bennington of Linkin Park, Chris Cornell (formerly of Soundgarden), Robin Williams....Each of these people had superstar status and changed the way we viewed the world. Each of them had a mental illness. Not saying that all celebrities who have afflictions ended their own lives. There are others out there that are still flooring us with their talents. Actress Catherine Zeta-Jones has Bipolar Disorder Type 2, Brian Wilson (formerly of the Beach Boys) has a schizoaffective disorder where he has auditory hallucinations, Jim Carrey has clinical depression, Carrie Fisher has Bipolar, Oprah has PTSD and anxiety. There are more, but what I’m trying to get across here is these people have been suffering for years, some longer than we’ve been alive. The one thing they didn’t do was let their affliction define them and keep them from pursuing the lives they wanted. That’s what we need to think of. We pigeonhole ourselves so much we think of the stigma more than the power we actually have over it. We may never be superstars, but we can have more than we allow ourselves to have. 

Take myself for example. I have a Major Recurring Depression Disorder, an Anxiety Complex, and ADHD. What I also have done is taught myself how to play guitar...and quite thoroughly too. Not only that, but I have been able to play pretty much any instrument I have put my hands to with no formal training. I am an amateur audio engineer and producer...also completely self-taught. I have a band that will be playing out soon, I’m a leader of a support group, and I am a successful retail manager. Even though I established a lot of my successes prior to any diagnosis, I still sought my desires out. And post diagnosis, I have been able to accomplish more. I had to take myself outside of my situation and ask what it was that I wanted to be. From there, I had to forge my way to getting there. So far I have achieved every goal and surpassed every stepping stone set my way. Will you ever hear me on the radio or come to one of my shows? Probably not. The point is, you have to find your desire and live it out. You don’t have to be a celebrity. There is a realistic ideal life that you want for yourself. You have to fight for it. You have to believe there is something greater than yourself and your illness. Then you have to walk the talk. As you are reading this now, I still am setting goals and seeking more out of life. It will never end. And the process is a daily thing. Success starts with a single step. That first step is something that will make you rethink everything you have wanted. But the key is not letting that fear control you. You will still be scared when you take that step. I was, but I also knew I could not stay stuck in the past. I believed there was more to life than what I was allowing to happen. I didn’t want to fit into the stereotype that today’s stigma tells us we are. I had a vision of a life I wanted and from there I hit the gas. Where I am now is a complete rebirth from where I was 6 months ago. And the journey is still in the starting phase. I am 30 years old and let me tell you that age is not a factor. It is never too late to make the changes to improve yourself and be the person you want to be. It will be the best thing you ever did. It has been the single best choice I have made. There is a lot shaping up for me in the future. But I still have to remain grounded in the daily steps. I know the choices I make now will impact what happens in the future. The same goes for you. I hope that reading this post will inspire you to stop replaying that dream in your head of the things you want and start getting there. Your head is not the only place your dreams belong. The real world is just as much yours as anyone else’s. Don’t play to someone else’s tune...be your own conductor. Your legacy is yours. 

Remember, at the end of the day, you are the only one holding yourself back.

Be inspired my friends, you’ll hear from me again shortly.

Marc